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dragonrajafanfiction · 3 years

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Ghosts’ Journey: (Part 1) Wooden Dolls

The game does NOT convey the true horror of Black Swan Bay.... Feel free to refer to this as a lore post. @rurifangirl by request

You arrive at the Takamagahara at around 3am, soaked to the bone and disheveled. The rain was still falling, though it had let up somewhat. You're shocked to hear the voices of the four men immediately after you open the door.

"MC! You're okay!" Lu Mingfei's greeting was full of joyful relief. "I'm so glad. I saw you fall from the tower and…"

"MC!" At the same time he spoke, Caesar’s haughty voice was like a trumpet. "There you are! I was considering sending out a search party for you!"

Chu Zihang’s voice was one of quiet amazement. "You made it!"

"It's the woman of the hour!" Fingel raised his glass.

The Nightclub was already closed. The floor was empty and the lights were out save those illuminating the bar. They were all still drinking. An open bottle of whiskey was next to them and half filled glasses of ice were stationed by each of them. They were dry so they must have been here for a bit, but they seemed to be waiting for you!

It was the surprise party you didn't know you needed. The night had started with a bugged conversation with Bondarev and Herzog, two men you'd be happy to kill, and ended, once again, fighting hordes of Deadpool.

You brush your hair back and smile, resting one hand on your hip. "Is this MC Romance Contest season two?" You approach the bar. "Thanks for leaving the rope there for me to get down." You nodded to Fingel and straightened your shirt. "Ms. Yabuki's ok as well." Then you freeze. "What are you wearing?"

Fingel was dressed in a suit that sparkled silver in the dim neon lights! He looked like a bowl of glitter had gained sentience. "Do you like it?"

You pause, recalling Ruri's polite treatment of Fingel's performing career. "I … can definitely see you better!"

Caesar waves you over to a stool between him and Chu Zihang and pours you a glass from the bottle of whiskey. "Sorry it took so long. I was extra careful to be sure I wasn't followed." You say.

Chu Zihang nods. "Wise. But likely unneeded. The Hydra have their hands full cleaning up the mess under the Tokyo Tower and thinking of ways to explain this disaster."

You raise your glass to your lips and sip. Your smile remains but it's as bitter as the whiskey in your hands. "You don't realize how much Bondarev wants me dead. He was trying to entrap me in that tower the whole time we were fighting deadpool. It's some dedication. "

"Then we have good news! Sources within Hydra say Tachibana is dead! So you can rest easy there!" Fingel strikes his superman pose, puffing out chest and displaying the wiry hairs that peeked out of his low cut collar.

You freeze and fix Fingel with a cold stare of denial. Your mind races. “Bondarev is dead? No…"

"It's true!" As Fingel speaks he pantomimes the scene. "There were deadpool in the underground garage! Chisei was driving in Tachibana's Mercedes alone but the exit ramp was slicked with oil by the Devil Clan! Tachibana used Chisei's Hummer to push him up the ramp, but he was too wounded to continue himself so he set the ramp and the car ablaze and burned to death inside to kill the beasts! It was quite the noble sacrifice of a father for a son." Fingel sighed dramatically.

Your frown deepens, unimpressed. "Yeah, that's how I know it's bullshit. That man doesn't sacrifice himself for anyone. Period. He wants to disappear."

Fingel deflated.

"Why?" Lu Mingfei is shocked.

You look at him, you snarl like a dog, barking low in its growl. "To chase me! I knew it! He wasn’t going to let me go! I am a witness! I am strong. I understand him on a deep level! I have to die. He will chase me to the end. The only reason I didn't kill him on that tower was because Chisei would have snapped me in half!"

Fingel stares wide eyed at you. Caesar and Chu Zihang exchange glances from either side of you.

"You should have seen him there, acting sorry and repentant. 'Oh, what I did was wrong. I can never be redeemed!'" You clasp your hands over your heart and roll your eyes to the heavens. Then you point your finger to the table. "He's got Chisei hypnotized, thinking he's somehow a murderer but actually really good at heart! And now that he's dead in a sacrificial manner, Chisei may never be convinced otherwise! It's absolutely genius."

You sip your glass and tilt your head. "I can't leave this place. Hell, he might already know I'm here. I didn't see anyone tailing me but maybe he already knows and is cutting Hydra attachments so he can tie up loose ends like me before resurrecting the White King. I did the right thing by coming here late… but was it enough?" You calm your smile and Caesar offers you a cigarette. You wave him away. "I'm good. Where's Ruri? Has anyone heard from him?"

Caesar tucked the cigarette back into the carton. "That's what we were waiting to discuss. We searched the area where Ruri Kazama disappeared on the glider and found the King General trying to drag him into a black Maybach car."

You had been about to sip the whiskey again but nearly dropped the glass, spilling some of it on the table. "What? But I saw him get cut to pieces! His head was cut off. No one could survive that!"

You look between Caesar and Chu Zihang and Lu Mingfei, but they all had the same serious expression.

Chu Zihang smoothly cleaned up your mess with a napkin in silence.

"He is alive. We all saw him standing next to the car. His eyes were red and gold. Like a Dragon King." Lu Mingfei said quietly.

Caesar murmured, his eyes dull. "Or maybe some sort of spirit."

Chu Zihang seems equally discouraged, tossing the napkin in a waste bin with characteristic accuracy. "My mind doesn't accept a belief in things like ghosts. But I can't come up with an explanation. There have been many things I have seen in Japan that defy explanation. But this…"

A heavy silence descended over the five of you.

"So Herzog… and Bondarev got away?" You ask. They all nodded. It was undeniable. You just had to accept it.

Your mouth has gone dry and you lick your lips, feeling sick to your stomach. "Is Ruri ok?"

"We got to him in time. He wasn't physically hurt. But Herzog used some mind control method to stop the man from fighting back. A clapper sound." Caesar said. “Like a banging of two sticks together.”

At the words ‘clapper sound’, you understand and hear it in your head. That hollow tapping of two pieces of wood, like a loud metronome. It grows louder and louder and fills your head. Your eyes go wide and dull as though the bright and vibrant soul behind them had fled to hide.

You remembered yourself as a child playing a game of soccer. The score was close. You were tearing across the grass and looked over at Anton. He was growing more handsome by the day and his smile was particularly warm to you today. You swiped the ball with your foot to pass it to him and, as you did, you heard it.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The soccer ball rolled past Anton and collided with the fence. Anton stood straight and stiff, eyes rolled back. The sound of children at play instantly cut off, like someone had muted a television set. All the children in the field stood like wooden dolls. You were the only one alive.

A nurse loomed in the gate with the blocks of wood, staring at you with black cold eyes.

This was not the first flashback you’d had of Black Swan Bay. The first one occurred in Genji Heavy Industries, when Caesar in disguise was confronted by a furious Nanami Sakurai. She struck him across the face. The sound of it sent you back to a memory of you accidentally breaking dishes and being struck like that. In that sudden surge of panic, you had grabbed Caesar's hand and hurried out of the elevator until he stopped you.

He described you as a ‘scared rabbit’.

It wasn’t Herzog you feared. You didn’t fear the beatings or the solitary confinement or the painful needles. You feared the black-eyed nurses you worked with every single day. A single bad report, a single stroke of a pen, they could send you away in the dark medical room and turn you into a wooden doll!

So in the field, you stiffen your arms and dull your eyes. You march to the designated spot in line and place your hands on the shoulders of the doll-like child in front of you. Another doll-like child put her hands on your shoulders. They check the cloth cuffs of the children one by one as they exit the playground. You’re wearing a cloth cuff.

You were child number 21....

“Easy, I think she’s coming out of it.” The voice sounded far away. “MC you’re having a flashback. Take a deep breath.”

Just like the flashback in Genji Heavy Industries, the dream was gone as soon as it came. You’re gasping uncontrollably. You weren’t in Black Swan Harbor. You weren’t standing before the dark eyed nurse who could take your soul away!

You were just in the Takamagahara Nightclub. There was no one but Caesar and Chu Zihang, Lu Mingfei and Fingel.

“Easy.” Chu Zihang’s voice was gentle.

Fingel was frozen like a statue in a state of shock. Lu Mingfei only looked concerned. “MC are you okay?”

Your breathing slows and you start to feel embarrassed. Your mind comes back to you but you can’t remember what the subject of the conversation was. You realize that you’re shaking and sweating. You clasp your hands tightly and squeeze hard, letting the pain repress the emotion. It was the only way you knew how to stuff everything back in the box where it had spilled out. “I’m sorry. Just … give me a minute.”

Caesar’s eyes lift to Chu Zihang’s. “We actually considered calling a psychiatrist for Ruri Kazama but I'm thinking we need one for you too.”

You nod, responding to Caesar but talking to yourself. “That’s right. We were talking about Ruri. Herzog’s mind control. I… I forgot.”

Caesar reached out and you closed the gap between his hand and yours. You’d squeezed so hard you’d bruised yourself with your own fingerprints. “We just need to know how it works.” Caesar said.

“Right.” You take another deep breath. “Almost all the children in Black Swan Bay had their heads cut at a very young age. The children all had a brain surgery that made them susceptible to the sound. The last one I remember getting it was Vera. The nurses couldn’t deal with her stutter. They would beat her and try to make her talk well. They just got sick of it. One morning, I woke up and she had the bandages wrapped around her head. She still stuttered, but if the nurses tapped the woodblock she spoke without the stutter, so it was easy for them.”

Fingel’s hand was over his mouth and Lu Mingfei’s look of horror was not a farce. Unlike Chu Zihang and Caesar Gattuso who had discussed Black Swan Harbor with Ruri Kazama before, this was their first initiation to the nightmare that was your world as a child.

“Did you have this surgery?” Caesar gently asked.

“No. I was lucky because I made Dr. Herzog laugh. I was still… in the pediatric creche… area?” You struggled to find words because you only experienced that time in Russian. “They kept this iron bar cover over the beds at night so you couldn’t get up. One day, I lost a tooth. I hid the tooth in my mouth all day until the nurse came to shut the beds over us at night. Then I shoved the tooth in the latch. She was in a hurry, so she didn’t realize it hadn’t locked all the way.”

“I was able to climb out of my crib. All the children either were too young to be able to escape or had their heads cut and were recovering at that time, so… no one was watching. I got out into the hallway and everything was dark. But Dr. Herzog was there, smoking a cigar. I didn’t know I was scared of him. So I just said… Hi! Are you … are you Santa?”

You suddenly cover your face with your hands when you remember his smile. His laughter. He laughed so much. You laughed too, something you’d never done. It felt good to laugh. Your mind was flooded with happy feelings. After that, you were favored. Even if the nurses had a complaint he would wave it away. Herzog didn’t cut your brain because he thought you were funny.

Even now, you’re laughing, you’re laughing low, almost like sobs, but you’re smiling. You know you shouldn’t laugh. This is terrible. It’s horrible. Horrific. But you’re laughing. Santa... are you Santa? The words echoed in your head. Absolutely hilarious.

“We should stop. We got our answer.” Chu Zihang said quietly.

You smell the scent of cigarettes and it buoy’s you back to reality. You rub your hands dry on your pants. “If he can control Ruri with the woodblock then his brain has been cut.”

Your voice is dull and your eyes empty.

No one said anything for a long time.

“Can I go see him?” You finally ask.

They had arranged for Ruri Kazama to sleep in the most secluded bedroom at the end of the hallway, just a wall away from the luxurious bathroom where they had been temporarily housed. He wasn’t dressed in his costume any more, but wore a simple cotton white shirt and straight cotton pants. A pair of comfortable gray sneakers rested by the door. He was once a devil of great evil, with strength comparable to the emperor Chisei, not yielding to anyone, ferociously trying to assassinate Herzog, but now his power and iron-like will have been taken away. He was a wooden doll staring at the roof in the dark room, his eyes blinking gently at long intervals, his gaze unfocused.

The pain is so intense you want to scream, but you can’t. This hurt. It hurt worse than Chance’s death because this was a fate worse than death. The evil of the nurses had reached out their skeletal pale hands from Black Swan and seized the soul of Ruri Kazama before you even had the chance to know him. You staggered to his bedside and collapsed to your knees. You grip your hands in your hair and tears rolled down your face. They were heavy, large enough to tickle your nose, like the tropical rain that was falling out of the sky. But you didn’t move and you didn’t make a sound. You grit your teeth and hold it in.

Eventually, Caesar comes to check on you. “Hey, you should get changed before you catch cold.”

“I don’t want to leave him.” Your voice is broken and sad in the dark. He would see you kneeling on a floor that was speckled with the dark marks under your face.

Caesar left for a moment and after a few minutes returned with a towel and a pair of pajamas. Then he closed the door again. You dry yourself off as best you can and change. You don’t care that Ruri’s right in front of you. He won’t remember anything.

Even as you climb into the bed under the warm and soft quilt, he doesn’t move until your cold body presses against his warm skin and your cold hands touch his face. It’s a shiver reaction and a slight gasp. Such basic, physical responses are all a soulless Black Swan Bay child could manage after all. Holding him was like holding a teddy bear. An inanimate thing. “Ruri...” You whisper, knowing he wouldn’t hear or be able to answer you.

Anton died in this state. You told people that Anton was shot in front of you by the man you viewed as your father. But really, his soul had left before that. Herzog approached the boy in the wheelchair and banged the woodblock. Anton’s hollow eyes lit up with a faint golden glow under them. He slowly turned his head to look at Bondarev, like a cold-blooded animal examining its prey.

#Dragon Raja

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hinaaspanda · 4 years

Text

Vocalized Feelings

Paring: Garage band leader! Donghyuck x Retired choir member! reader

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word count: 8012

happy bday @aquinoa !!!

You didn’t need a calendar to figure out that today was a Saturday, nor did you need a clock to tell you that the time was early noon. All you needed was the noise of drumsticks bashing onto its respective kit, the most definitely unneeded feedback of guitar amps, and a terrible late-morning attitude. And that’s the exact reason why you loudly let out a stifled grumble as you flipped off the covers that once encased your legs, and immediately stomped down to your garage.

Entering the cold, barren, unfinished walls of your garage, you scan onto the exact sight you expected to see. 6 figures scattered all over the place. Three plopped onto the couch, Mark and Jeno tuning their various guitars and basses, as your little brother, Jisung, watches them with full intent swelling from his eyes. You glance to the left, meeting the eyes of an overly excited Chenle, waving both his hands as he screams your name and an apologetic Jaemin, clutching onto his drum symbol, indicating that he’s genuinely sorry for all the volume. You didn’t however, know if the drummer was referring to the band as a whole, or the pianist beside him.

Your eyes scan further as you finally link them with the vocalist of this garage band, Donghyuck, an irked expression painting across his face. You watch his eyes roll to the top of his head, utter disgust oozing out of him the second you trot down the few sets of steps, heading over to sit with your brother and his bandmates. Although, you never saw his purely bothered face, since you’ve learned to just ignore him.

The fact that he hated you was always head-scratcher for both you and the rest of his band. His little mutter of anger towards you, the grumbles of annoyance whenever you walk into a room, it never made sense to you. It’s not like he was jealous of you, he couldn’t have been. Sure you were part of the city’s greatest youth choir, a choir that, to your dismay, was terminated just last year--but it shouldn’t affect him, he’s the face of his own band after all.

Or maybe that’s why he always looked at you with the cold eyes of someone who wanted to slit your throat. The fact that he had a team of his own, a backbone to lean onto, complete with their own published singles and high chances at stardom. Maybe he wanted to taunt you with it, laugh in your face with the members of his band. Pin you down, the words “look at me now” spat onto your embarrassing figure. Maybe he wanted to prove his worth, or he’s already concluded that you weren’t worthy enough for him.

While your mind wandered off into overthinking land, a certain, turmoil filled body, sauntered over to the very couch you sat on, shadowing you from the lonely light bulb that shined all its might around the inner walls of your crowded garage.

“Well, well, well, the infamous Park Y/N finally awoke from her terribly long slumber.” Donghyuck held a hand to his hip, judging you for the sleep clothes you didn’t bother to change out of. “Now tell me, why did the gremlin run out of her little cave to come here? We’ve got work to do here, you know” The passive-aggressive vocalist crosses his arms, earning miffed groans from the boys and a stellar eye roll from you.

“Piss off, Hyuck, Y/N’s my sister, stop insulting her like that or you guys won’t have anywhere to practice,” Jisung spoke up, a section of your heartwarming just a tiny bit at your little brother’s defensive words. As you shot a gracious smile at your only family in the room, a stifled chuckle escaped from your left.

“And we wouldn't wanna switch practice places, now would we?” Mark challenged, Donghyuck immediately growing mute as his elder shot him a knowing, sly smirk. You overlooked it, however, as you shot up, faces just inches away from his.

“You’re right, Donghyuck, you do have work to do!” you jabbed at his chest with a single finger “You need to learn how to stop being such a nuisance to everyone you meet!”

Taking a step back, Donghyuck sent you a sinister grin. “I’m sorry sweetie, but ‘Donghyuck’ is only reserved for close family and friends, so it’s ‘Haechan’ to you.”

“I’d rather die than ever be close with you”

“Go for it, baby. No one would miss you”

“Neither of you ever know when to quit it, huh” The spare door right from the garage bounced open, and a furious, brunette boy emerged from the once empty door frame. “Both of you, seriously, shut up sometime? I got good news for us and I don’t want this embarrassing conversation ruining it”

“Renjun!” Chenle beams with joy as the exhausted figure hustles forward, a laptop in hand, before squeezing into the couch, in between you and your brother. You and Donghyuck mutter under your breaths as you retire to your former spots within the garage floor while Renjun, sensing your discrete actions, grumbles in defeat as he whips open his laptop.

“I got in contact with this studio, SM, they said they like your guy’s stuff” Renjun continued, not sparing anyone glances as they jolted in a positive surprise. “You guys might even get a single”

As the members with instruments encased in their hands jump in pure joy, Renjun quickly turns his attention to you. “...But you guys need a girl to sing with you, that's their one condition”

As if on cue, everyone’s (minus Donghyuck) heads whips to your overtly shaken figure, hands tucking in between your legs, and sweat beginning to pool from the top of your forehead, pupils shivering in fear, you barely even dared to continue Renjun’s sentence.

“...You’re not really saying that--”

“Please sing with Hyuck, Y/N!” Chenle, definitely the most spontaneous one in the group, rushed to kneel in front of you, has clasped together in a praying formation. “Your voice is amazing!”

Your heart couldn’t help but feel a little light once the orange-haired boy uttered those words, the same way Donghyuck couldn’t help but scoff in disbelief. And your heart couldn’t help shatter once you uttered your following reply.

“No”

…

Despite evading the room the minute every band member chased you around with pleading eyes, you couldn’t help but be filled to the brim with guilt, strings of your disgrace spilling out and binding you to the pavement as you sulking continue your way towards the bank’s clear glass doors. It was Saturday, and by definition, errand day. A day you truly dreaded for its repetitive manor, complexity, and most definitely the mundaneness of it all. Lifelessly stopping at the counter of the bank, just to visit the supermarket moments after. It was a necessity, of course. But there was never an errand day that you didn’t greet with a wholehearted scowl every morning.

Errand day, something you knew would happen, much to your dismay. And everything would’ve stayed the same, if it weren’t for the overly confident, egoistic, and prideful figure with the voice of an angel, panting in exhaustion as he tugs harshly onto your jacket sleeve. And if you were being completely honest, a sparkle of joy pooped through you after seeing this main vocalist dishevelled.

“Park--wait up--fuck” Donghyuck spat through, hands gripping his thighs in a failed attempt to straighten his figure. Rouch exhales escaping his lungs when he finally succeeded in fixing his posture. Your eyebrows knit together as he neglected to drop your wrist out of his grasp. If any stranger were to mistakenly glance at the two of you right that second, it would look like the climax of those Korean romance dramas your mother loved so much. You didn’t give him a slim chance to continue his probably useless tangent as you tilt your head to the side in annoyance.

“If you came all the way here just to throw another insult at me, then you can save it!” You snap. Swatting your hand away from his surprisingly strong clutch. A clutch even he seemed to forget he held so tightly. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Park, just listen to me”

“I’m busy, Donghyuck”

The now angry idol-wannabe huffed a loud sigh, as he forced a hand between you and the glass doors, loudly calling out to your freedom. The freedom you couldn’t grasp at, not with the peculiarly toned forearm clasped onto the door handle, rendering you unable to move. You swear, you saw this exact scene plastered onto the t.v. just last week.

“Sing with me, Y/N”

Was he kidding?

The vocalist stared at you with full intent and the most earnestness you’ve ever seen in someone, as he fully rejected the staring strangers from inside the bank, the bank you wanted nothing more than to be inside right now. “For the single, sing with me”

He sounded so forced, yet so nonchalant, it almost sounded attractive, if it weren’t for the literal flare burning through his pupils. You simply crossed your arms, the bank audience swiftly minding their own business, not wanting to witness what they thought was a couple seconds before a break-up.

“They got you on this, too, huh? How much did they pay you to say that?” Donghyuck quickly retorted, shooting you a stare that only said “I’m serious, Y/N” straight to your face.

“Well, whatever” you continued, eyes stuck to the gravel before you. “Why chose me, anyway?”

“Um” eyes traveling to the sky, praying they wouldn't come in contact with yours. “Well..”

All 7 boys, scattered across the garage floor, winced as you slammed the secluded door shut, not baring to watch you dash away in utter fear. Every band member let out their share of aggravated sighs and grumbles, a worried Chenle fast pacing around the pattern carpet that laid below them. All while Renjun, and an equally worried Jisung massage their temples in an effort to calm down their nerves.

“I’M SORRY GUYS I WAS THE REASON SHE LEFT I SCARED HER OFF AND I--” a panicked pianist was shaken in the hands of the band’s drummer as he set him down, placing Chenle on the couch, snuggled in between the their guitarist and bassist.

“You didn’t scare her off, Chenle, she’s just a wuss” Donghyuck tapped his foot in a comical effort to look as equally annoyed as the other members. Yet deep down, both he, and the rest of the boys behind him, knew he hated watching her leave for another, unsuspecting reason.

“You can drop the act, Hyuck, she's gone.” Renjun clicked away at his laptop keys. “Stop pretending you hate her already, you suck at acting”. A giggling Jisung loosens up on the couch, legs crossed in a comfortable t-formation as he turns to Donghyuck.

“Yeah, Hyuck, just tell her you like her, already. My sister could really use a boyfriend” Jisung was more than lucky that Donghyuck dropped that heavy mic cord to the ground just moments prior, or else he would’ve gotten a concussion right that instant.

“Shut it, Jisung” He snapped, concealing the true fact that he was nothing but ecstatic to hear the news.

Donghyuck didn’t know what led him to practically spit on your face the minute he first met you, despite his automatic admiration for your voice, a voice that felt like honey to his ears. He never knew why he acted so cocky, so immature around your presence. Was it because you were part of the city’s most esteemed youth choir of its decade? Was it your bubbling, harmless personality that he always felt the need to brutally tarnish. He could never tell. But when your soft voice was replaced with harsh insults made to rebuttal his, the vocalist’s heart couldn’t help but snap in half.

“OH, I KNOW! Chenle jumped up from his sulking position on the couch, gaining the attention of the two guitarists beside, along with a inner-monologuing Donghyuck. “Let’s get Hyuck to ask her!”

Heads whipped towards the orange-haired boy’s idea as he continued his radical idea. “Think about it, Hyuck was the only one who didn’t ask her yet, and if she knows that the whole group wants her in then she might say yes!” Various members of this esteemed ‘neighborhood garage band’ began to nod their heads in agreement. Everyone except Donghyuck, of course.

“And…” Jeno wiggled his eyebrows, cocking them at the now flustered face of the band. “Hyuck can spend some more time with Y/N”

Donghyuck already knew that this was their ulterior motive all along, but hearing it out loud just threw pity at his heart. But his own friends didn’t even give him a chance to argue, as he felt the palms of Mark and Renjun force him out of the same door you escaped from. Yet he couldn’t feel his feet change directions, because deep down inside, Jeno was right. He did wanna spend more time with you. God he was such an idiot.

Of course, Donghyuck couldn’t tell her all that. Sure, he was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew that much. That was why his reply to your question was, nothing close to stellar.

“Your voice is...ok, alright? And you’re like the only girl we know around here so… just take it ok? And take the compliment, too, it's the only time you'll ever get one of those” his words wandered off as you let out a sigh, the corner of your eye telling you that, judging by the whole new set of customers lined up at the bank counter, you’re kdrama-esk stay in front of the glass doors lasted longers than you had desired. Looking up, locking your eyes with his, you sigh once more.

“Fine, just so you can shut up.”

...

You swear, you were just one tier behind a professional singer, but all this singing equipment and technology trapped in a room equally confusing, all of it made you nothing but a nervous wreck. It didn’t even matter that you’ve already stayed in that room for 4 hours straight, everything still sent strong shivers up your spine.

Donghyuck, on the other hand, looked unsurprisingly calm, of course. He's gone through this exact same process countless times before. Singing your heart out, just to let it get tweaked, tuned, shuffled in a different state, never enjoyed a voice in it’s originality. You never really understood it, hence why loitered in the corner of the glass room, shaking like a wet mammal emerging from the cold water.

You were just baffled that Donghyuck hasn’t said anything to you about it, anything at all, actually. The 8 of you drove to the rented recording room with a pair of cars earlier that morning, the heavy instruments hauling together in one vehicle, while your 7 figures squeezed into another. You already knit your eyebrows at the mere fact that Donghyuck took his cramped seat right next to yours, no one taking a grain of notice. Who would know just how weird it would get the minute your shoe’s clicked against the driveway pavement.

4 Hours in, with Jisung sound asleep on your lap, other members sprawled across the couch provided, and an unusually calm Donghyuck uttered out his last lines in that milky voice of his. You’ve already taken your turn, only remembering how easily distracted you got by Donghyuck and the admiration glittering in his eyes. Eyes that strongly contradicted the tone of his voice just moments prior.

You find your eyes glued to the vocalist trapped in the glass room that always stumped you, the vocalist that, starting today, would confuse you more than any recording room could. His composed pupils linking with your skittish ones. You thought back to the car ride, his breath hitched as he planted his vision on the trees and buildings passing by. How he barely spared you a glance, let alone a cheap insult. Was he finally done through with it? Has he finally grown past the phase of finding simple fat jokes funny? Your mind wandered, and you wish you wandered a little bit more so you wouldn’t have noticed the pink tint creeping onto his cheeks as he closed the door to the recording room, his eyes still planted onto yours.

“Thank you very much, sir.” Renjun shook the hand of the man behind the recording stand, other members of the band following his lead as you shook Jisung awake. But everything you touched, you did so halfheartedly, as the thought of a certain prideful vocalist couldn’t escape your mind.

Huh, that was weird.

...

It was Saturday again, the clashes of symbols and guitar strings wrapped up in a melodic harmony ringing into your ears as you woke up. It was Saturday again, and that Donghyuck kid hadn’t left your mind for a week. Too many questions passed through your mind, you didn’t have the motivation to scream for joy the moment Renjun burst through the door, showing the band the email. An email that was practically lined in gold for the other viewers, and email giving them directions to a small coffee shop across town, and approval for an upcoming gig.

“Let’s celebrate!” Mark howled, earning other loud screams from their designated dolphin boy as the 6 of you immediately grabbed your coats and headed to the nearest building that served purely mediocre fast-food.

“Save some for us!” Jisung, chanted through the garage door, both him and Chenle dreading the table behind them that overflowed with unfinished highschool homework and completely finished bags of chips.

6 milkshakes and 6 stuffed stomachs later, the garage band sat around you, giggling at what you thought was the email you ate out for, as you shuffled away to the washroom. But as Donghyuck would put it, “You’re always wrong, Y/N!”.

“What am I gonna do?” Donghyuck gripped the strands of hair residing at his front scalp. “I almost blew my cover back in the recording room!”

As if on cue, Donghyuck’s seemingly useless remark earned a groan from the rest of the band mates, and especially the band manager, digging his fingertips onto his temples, giving him the much overdue head massage he needed due to Hyuck’s stupidity.

“You could, I dunno, tell her the truth?” Jaemin sipped from his remaining milkshake, receiving that infamous empty- straw crinkling sound just seconds later. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, right Jeno?” The bassist only nodded silently, earning a pleading groan from the vocalist in question.

“Hey man, we’re already helping you and everything, poor Sungie’s gotta deal with our bullshit in his house every week just so you could get a chance with her. We don’t have any other reason to practice there, you know.” Mark stirred the striped straw. “Even Renjun, Y/N”s bestfriend in highschool, mind you, became the manager to our dumb garage band just to help your odds”

Donghyuck stared into the popping bubbles of his pink milkshake, his guilt mirroring the bubble’s movements. He knew about Jisung, your little brother, but he never even thought about Renjun. All his friends, trying harder than he was, all to not get cock-blocked. God, how stupid was he.

Apparently, he was stupid enough to forget you even left the table for a bathroom visit, as he almost spat out the last of his milkshake as he watched you emerged from the dim-lit room. Earning giggles from the other boys.

...

You missed singing, you really did. The memories you cherished singing alongside the 30 vocalists, awaiting the audience’s standing ovation, you craved for more than anything. Sure, it sounded a little too self loving for your liking, but anyone could agree that you guys deserved. That’s why, when the Harmonics Youth Choir finally shut down due to an untimely accident, it surely left a broad hole in your heart.

Especially now, right after feeling the thrill once again at the recording room, the sensation of letting out notes and melodies gripping onto your heart, never letting go as you sent in the application email. This wasn’t all your idea, though. This scheme was given to you in a fully wrapped package of taunting and disbelief of your true abilities, and handed to you by no one else but the egotistical vocalist, Donghyuck.

“I heard there was an opening for this new choir downtown” Donghyuck clicked away at his laptop as he took his break at their weekly practice. The phrase ‘new choir’ caught your attention faster than a fly to the scent of rotten food. You shuffled towards him, reluctant and half expecting for him to revolt at your presence. But you truly didn’t care when the chance to shine under the spotlight of a stage was upon you once again, and you would rather die than miss the chance to grasp it.

“They look pretty serious, though” Donghyuck scrolled through the choir’s website nonchalantly, angling the screen so you could get a better view. “I don’t think you’d fit in at all” You knew he was kidding, partially at least. Nevertheless, an arrow of hurt shot through your chest as you stood up, spine straightening with the smallest ounce of pride left in you.

“Are you even hearing yourself, Donghyuck?” You jabbed your own chest, concealing your genuine hurt. “I was a member of Harmonics, I’d fit right in!”

“Uh huh, yeah, what happened to your esteemed choir, again?” he didn’t even spare you a glance as he exited out of the choir’s website Opening another window filled with gruesome battles and skimpy female armour, he proceeded to ignore your defensive figure, keeping all his attention on that dumb video game. You, however, couldn’t care where his attention was facing, as you had a point to make, and an argument to win.

“You’ll see, Donghyuck, I’ll make that choir, and you’ll be the first to see it. In fact, you should watch the audition, then you’ll see how great I am!”

Donghyuck couldn’t help but recite the words ‘you’re already the best’ over and over again in his head. He didn’t have any other choice, really. He couldn’t say it out loud, of course, he was too prideful for that. Or maybe too much of a coward. He couldn’t tell.

“Whatever, I’ll watch just to prove you wrong, Park” Of course he couldn’t say no. He truly was a coward.

You didn’t even notice the proud, stunned expressions that coated the rest of the band member’s faces as you trotted upstairs, ready to write another, responsive email to a certain choir company.

...

A tired, fatigued Donghyuck rang your doorbell two days after your last interaction. Despite his reluctant character during then, he still, to your surprise, offered to give you a ride, knowing full well of your father’s disappearance to another city in the name of his job. After an awkward, silent, 30 minute hell of a car ride, the two of you threw his car doors shut, and entered the grand church building.

You stood in the middle of the rented church stage, various chandeliers and crystals covering your view, as you faced the three judges of this audition. The three obstacles left in your road to stardom, and the three obstacles blocking you from your chance to prove yourself right.

“Miss Park Y/N, Auditioning for the part of Alto” The somber toned middle seated judge read straight off of the application sheet, before barely glancing up at you. “You may start whenever you’re ready.” You closed your eyes, softly beginning to hum the words of Donghyuck’s single. It only made sense to choose what you chose, it was the song that gave your heart the inspiration to impulsively act on it’s dreams.

Donghyuck’s world stopped as he sat in his lonesome three rows before the judges, the single frame of you singing staying frozen in his mind. Your voice felt like honey trickling into his ears, as he sat in awe, not bothering to keep that fake scoffing expression on his face. He felt weak to the knees. Your voice, your appeal, everything, it all made him almost want to drop the act and tell you the truth.

But you could only handle one earth shattering truth at a time, right?

The middle judge raised her hand up, signally a stop just after a couple of lyrics spilled out of your lips. The two judges coupling her sides all kept their cold expressions as you trembled in fear. You anticipated their impending responses, although, deep down, you already knew exactly what they were going to say.

“That’s enough, Miss Park”

“Wait, I can--”

“That won’t be necessary. Now, can you please step off the stage? The next contestant is waiting” The left judge uttered effortlessly, not sparing a glance at you as you stalked backstage. Donghyuck roughly followed you, jolting the plastic table the three judges hid behind, before shooting those judges a very irritated glare.

“Please assure your girlfriend to not take this personally, it was a tough decision”

“Bullshit, you didn’t even listen to the full thing” Donghyuck spat, earning the wide eyes of the three judges who sat below him. He didn’t even care what their response was as he spurt towards the doors, the doors you had already burst out of with pure rage.

Donghyuck cursed at himself for feeling just the slightest bit giddy at the judges assuming those two were closer than friends. He scanned you through the car window, a flame burning in your eyes. You two clearly need to reach the level of “friends” first.

The rest of the drive was silent, or at least restrained, as your huffs and puffs of anger could be heard from Donghyuck’s side of the vehicle easily. You would rather die than look at him right then. You were surprised that he hasn’t laughed right at your face yet. But whether he hurls another one of those prideful scoffs at your direction or not, one fact still remains, he was right. You’ve stayed out of touch with the whole concept of singing, that the only thing keeping you sane were the lyrics of a single written by the vocalist with a grudge against you. How pitiful were you?

And to think, you truly began to believe that this demon, this evildoer, began to have feelings for you through a simple set of flushed cheeks. All those times he stained your mind, none of that mattered. All Donghyuck wanted was for you to fall to the ground, pride and ego brutally shattered. That was why he brought that stuck up, cold-shouldered choir. Just to watch you get rejected. And it worked. You were bruised, broken forever,and it was all thanks to him.

“I hope you’re happy Donghyuck. You were right” You murmured just loud enough for his ears to perk. You couldn’t see his expression, but you were sure he was a smirking, evil mess.

Donghyuck watched you swiftly pass him, his sulking eyes defying your assumption once again.

...

The neighborhood garage band’s practice room fell into a tense silence as you slammed the garage door shut, stomping up to your room. Everyone’s eyes, despite already becoming aware of the situation, still mirrored the ones of innocent puppies ready to be adopted. Except for Hyuck’s, of course. His overflowed with guilt, burning up with an anger that could only be pointed towards himself. Donghyuck fell into the cushions that decorated the couch, earning pats and shoulder rubs that were laced with empathy, empathy that he couldn’t reciprocate. His palms ruffled the strands of his hair, gripping onto them in stress as Renjun scooted towards him.

“Don’t blame yourself, Hyuck, she just really missed singing” Renjun angled himself to face the remorse-filled vocalist. “Anyone would, with that choir”

Donghyuck let out a heartfelt whine, his back-scalp collapsing onto the couch backframe. “I got her all excited about singing again, I couldn’t help it. I kinda got excited for her, too. How was I supposed to know they’d be so picky with their contestants!” Hyuck rose to his feet, bewilderment rising through his veins. “Their rejection’s all bullshit, anyways! Her voice is amazing!”

“Then tell her” Jisung twiddled his fingers, not even sparing the distressed vocalist a glance “Tell her that her voice is amazing, tell her all the compliments you want to”

“You know I can’t do that, Sungie”

“Why?” A certain flame echoed in his booming voice, starling the already traumatized older band members. “Is it ‘cause you're a coward? It sounds like it! How else do you think it was gonna turn out? Pretending to hate the person you’ve loved since highschool, of course she’s gonna hate you back! Now you better clean this shit up, and I don’t just mean this dumb audition. My sister’s amazing, ok? And she doesn’t fucking deserve this.”

Jisung, with a fury of his own, stalked into his own home and away from the band members that resided in his garage. Mark, the band’s leader, took it upon himself to call for the two Park siblings that escaped his grasp, praying they would come back, but it was no use. Donghyuck truly felt like an idiot, and a coward.

Your pillowcase felt damp as you lightly pressed your cheek against your newly shed tears. Everything seemed...useless now. Your sulking figure couldn't lift itself from the cozyness of your plump mattress, string of sorrow binding your limbs tightly against the bed’s fabric. You laid still, your world turning to stone as you tuned in to the quiet chirps perched onto the roof just below your window. The tiny squawks sent you into a calm abyss, one that you haven’t visited in a while. With all this song recording and impulsive acting, everything grew hectic, never giving you a chance to breathe.

You didn’t know how your consciousness was able to do it, but Donghyuck still stayed trapped in your mind the whole time.

You were definitely brimming with anger when you thought of him, but the thought of his smile, even if you only saw it after one of his smug insults, still stained your mind. And you hated it. And that was why your expression was nothing less than relieved when it was just your little brother who peeped through the small crack your door created after his knuckles clicked against it in a soft knock.

A soft smile wiped across his face, his eyes painted with a calm appeal, as he shuffled into your room, friction from the carpet swiping against his cotton socks. With a tilt of his your little brother simply suggested.

“Milkshakes?”

...

“I don’t care, Jisung, I’m not gonna sing with them at the concert” Your eyes watched the various cars pass by in a blur, trying desperately to avoid contacting the pleading pupils of your brother. You trusted him, the blade of betrayal impaling your heart. You whole-heartedly believed that Jisung invited you to this milkshake bar to free your mind, get rid of all the thoughts about those 6 boys that roamed freely within the inner workings of your garage. Instead, he simply induced your brain with more thoughts of him, luring you in with the taste of a strawberry milkshake.

“C’mon Y/N, It’s gonna be a small gig, the venue maxes out at 50 people.” Jisung gave his weight to the surface of the fast food table, gripping his ice cold glass with his fingers that were dipped in anticipation. You sunk into the lush, red

seats, finally sparing your brother a glance.

“What are you gonna gain from this, anyways, it’s not like you're in the band anymore, anyways.”

Shit. You followed Jisung’s hairbangs as they dropped before his eyes, most likely concealing his growing hurt for the words that effortlessly flowed through your careless mouth. Why would you say something that stupid, when you knew full well of the complicated truth. The truth of your brother's resignation of the band due to a harsh wrist injury. All Jisung wanted was the satisfaction of growing old and succeeding with his garage band, but when the rookie drummer finally grew fixed of his wrist damage, the first thing he saw was his supposed drum-kit, standing before the new addition to the band, Jaemin. Although the old and new drummers came to converse on friendly terms, you knew your brother more than anyone else, and you knew he would never get over his replacement so quickly.

“It’s fine, Y/N, it’s not ‘cause of that” He vigorously waved his two hands in an effort to change the subject. “We just wanna hear your voice again, that’s all” His calm voice sent you away from your current state of overthinking, as you took another sip of your pink tinted milkshake. Although his choice of words led you to ponder a little more.

“We?”

“Yeah! Hyuck especially. Mans literally gets weak to the knees when he hears your voice. He loves it so much, you don’t even know, Y/N. But not as much as he loves you lmao--wait-”

The straw fell limp from Jisungs lips, the whites of his eyes spilling out of their sockets as he finally pondered just how much he messed up. It’s funny actually, how quick he caught his mistake AFTER he made it.

You swear, you could’ve exploded right then and there.

“Hyuck--he--what?” A sentence couldn’t even form in between your quivering lips. “You’re kidding right? Sungie? Please tell me this is a joke”

Jisung could feel the ember of his existence about to extinguish as you used that Nickname on him. A nickname that only escaped your mouth when you were either terribly angry or terribly drunk. Jisung swiftly closed his eyes, praying that there was at least an ounce of alcohol in that milkshake of yours, you were a lightweight afterall.

“I--er--no” Jisung’s head downcasted, attempting to hide from your incoming wrath. “Donghyuck likes you, a lot actually”

If it weren’t for the fact that he was your brother, you would’ve spat on his face with the remaining milkshake in your mouth, unable to be swallowed as you sat in pure shock.

“How long?”

“...Since highschool, actually”

The glass mug encased between your fingers shivered in fear. After all this time, all the taunting, all the times he scoffed at your mere existence, that was all from…affection? It was all an act towards grabbing your attention? He didn’t actually despise you? And on top of that, he loves your voice, the voice he only labelled as “ok” in the past? What was with him, couldn’t he had just said something, instead of saying the complete opposite of his feelings?

But apparently, you found that attractive, and everything else clicked. A lightbulb finally glowed a bright amber as you connected the dots. You finally figured out why this prideful vocalist couldn’t escape your thoughts all this time.

As your little brother, shaking in fear by your--apparently menacing-- presence, continues his tangent on how letting them stay at their garage even after his untimely injury was just a ruse to get the two of you together, you shoot up from your seat.

“Oh my god, Jisung, I think I like him back”

“Excuse me, what”

A sense of urgency shot down your spine. “Change of plans, I’m gonna sing with them.”

“WAIT”

“THANKS FOR THE MILKSHAKES, JISUNG, I GOTTA GO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING” your voice violently hurled through the glass doors of the milkshake place as you ran past them, alerting the commoners that innocently roamed around.

...

“It looks so full” a stifled Chenle murmured towards the band manager as he gripped onto the stage curtains. “God, ok, is it hot in here or just me?”

“It’s fine, Chenle, everyone else is nervous too” A calming Renjun sent a soft hand onto the cusp of the pianist’s shoulder. The rest of the band loitered around the cramped stage rear, the echoes of various audience chatter ringing in everyone’s ears as they shiver in anticipation. Well, everyone except a certain sulking vocalist perched rather uncomfortably on the wooden make-up chair.

Donghyuck’s heart felt numb to everything else but the brutal beatings of guilt. The issue only arose just hours prior, of course the regret still lingered, staining his once proud, upright soul. Jisung was right, he always had been. He should’ve let go of this stupid act when he got the chance. He should’ve taken your hand in his, letting a soft kiss from his lips fall onto your dazed face after nervously stammering sweet nothings to you. He should’ve sprinkled you with compliments every chance he got, showed his pure excitement when you do something as simple as enter the room, or even chant your name half as animated as his pianist always did. The thought of your name trickled into his head. The name that he refused to refer to you as, always going for the rough tone of “Park” instead. All in the name of that dumb ruse, truly used to prank his heart.

“Y/N” He let out a soft murmur under his breath. It felt sweet against his lips. “Y/N.” He scoffed at himself. Maybe it was a good thing you decided not to sing with him, you wouldn’t get to see how pathetic he’s become.

“Y/N?” Renjun’s yelp at your disheveled figure standing at the door, drove Donghyuck straight to reality. His head whipped in response, the wooden chair collapsing under the sheer weight of Hyuck’s speechlessness as his sitting figure fell straight to the ground. Renjun stammered out another shaken response. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry Junnie, I’ve changed my mind. Can I still sing with you guys tonight?” You could practically see the heavenly wings raising his once lifeless body as the rest of the band members produced luminescence from their beaming smiles. A riled up Renjun scrambles towards your feet, slamming a hand to your shoulder. “OF COURSE YOU CAN Y/N NOW GET OVER HERE WHAT THE FUCK.” After being vigorously yanked into the dressing room by your highschool best friend, you migrate over to the still-faced, wide-eyed vocalist laying frozen against the tile floor.

“Donghyuck I need to--”

“Curtains up at 5, get into your positions” A man donning a large black headphone set, gripping a brown noteboard in his hands yells in a robotonus tone before shooting a deadpan look at you. “You there, are you with the band?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Then get into position! Can someone get this girl a mic?” he croaked into his headset’s mic, with a mic falling into your hands just moments later.

Amidst all this chaos, with Renjun pacing back and forth, Mark and Jeno simultaneously tuning their guitars, Jaemin dropping his drumsticks onto the ground, and Chenle loudly greeting a sweaty and panting Jisung resting against the doorframe. You tilt your head, never noticing how your brother followed you over here after you burst through those doors at the milkshake place. Before you could greet him, however, a tight grip landed straight onto your forearm.

“Y/N, wait--” before Donghyuck could even grab your attention. The lights on the other side of those maroon curtains finally dimmed.

“We’re on in 10 seconds” a robotic voice bombed through the band's now trembling figures. They stood before the closed set of curtains, anticipation riling through them.

“Now, please give a warm welcome to the neighborhood garage band; NCT DREAM!!”

The curtains fell into each other smoothly as what seemed to be a million faces staring back at them. A blinding spotlight shined onto the 6 figures ready in their positions. Spilling a lifetime’s worth of confused feelings would have to wait for now.

...

“You guys were amazing!” Renjun and Jisung practically said in unison as they watched the stage performers saunter backstage, Jeno pushing the maroon curtains back as your 6 figures retired back into the coffee house’s dressing room. Sweat dripping down your foreheads as you panted away the shockwaves that traveled through your bodies through the duration of that evening concert. As everyone else let down their instruments and settled down in various places of the cramped prep room, a certain vocalist began to stalk in your direction.

You studied Donghyuck’s image. His eyes glowed with determination, the disgust and repulsion that stained his expressions, and that were apparently all fake, weren’t found beneath the whites of his eyes, unlike before. They looked blank, like he was simply being pulled to you by sheer force. Like you were a captivating magnet, and he was just a mere, insignificant paper clip, ready at your disposal.

Donghyuck, on the other hand, wasn’t just a blank minded zombie lusting for its next meal. Something awoke in him, like a switch hidden behind cobwebs everyone reluctant to switch it on. Exhilaration zooming through his veins, nothing else mattered to him. Nothing else except your cute face trapped snuggly in his two, sweat filled, shaking palms.

The vocalist did think about at least consoling you about the question you had for him before what could only be considered as their best concert, like, ever, but your innocent, curious face had him melting to his feet. His composure flew away the minute you stared back at him, eyes glossy and cheeks as rosy. Sure, he was an idiot, but he was an impulsive idiot, and right now, that helped his odds more than anything.

Roughly, due to the immense amount of feelings bottled up in the weakest material you can think of, Donghyuck cupped the sides of your face, smushing your lips together in an ecstatic kiss. Gripping onto each other like your lives depended on never letting go--although, at the time, it felt like exactly that--you pulled him closer, chests against one another as you tugged on his loose shirt collar.

As Hyuck’s stomach began performing flips just below the fabric of his shirt, and as your knees grew weaker, the two of you slowly detached, earning the gasps and full on screams from their fellow bandmates, the bandmates that they simultaneously forgot existed, and the bandmates who estatically witnessed a very much anticipated kiss. The two of you, too scared to look down at the couch, set at the perfect angle to watch your most recent romantic endeavour, finally glanced down at the wide eyed spectators, all at the edge of their seat waiting to see what will happen next.

“What are you guys waiting for?? CONFESS” The finally stress-free manager jumped up to his feet, a demanding index finger pointed at your flustered figures. The giddy pianist followed Renjun, his whole arm shot out in front of you. “OR BETTER YET??? KISS AGAI--” Chenle’s words were quickly disrupted by the swiftness of Jaemin’s hand as he nodded silently, giving you a signal to talk again.

Donghyuck found his breath hitched as you turned to face you. He put all of his effort into kissing you, so he kinda forgot about what to do after. But after observing your calm, not wanting to beat him up, soft expression that glowed onto your face, alongside those pink tainted cheeks, he figured out that, well, you already kinda knew.

“...heh, hey?” Donghyuck picked onto the skin on his wrists, waiting for them to grow red from the pain. Cringing from the awkward tone of his voice, you spoke up.

“I know, Hyuck”

“Wait what”

You shot him a slightly aggravated glare at his ignorance. Did he not just experience that same kiss you did?

“You’re just that bad at acting, Hyuck” Jisung croaked behind this highschool drama confession. Donghyuck most definitely would’ve given your little brother the greatest jab straight to the head, if it weren’t for your angelic smile presented before him.

“I like you too, Donghyuck. Unless, I’m not close enough to call you that” Donghyuck chuckles to himself, remembering that very interaction back at your garage just weeks prior. Swiftly, his hands drop to your waist, his eyes locked with yours as he pulls you closer to his chest.

“Yeah, you need to get a lot closer” The two of you exchange giggles while your supposed judges fake puke and groan at their vocalist’s flirtatious words. The two of you stay comfortably, his hands softly lounging around your waist as you stay snuggled against his chest. The silence washing over you as your face grows sober.

“Why’d you lie about it?” you distance yourself, just get a view of his face, glistening in the backstage spotlight. A sigh escapes his lips as he glances towards the sky.

“I dunno, I was dumb, jealous of your talent, dumb, desperate for attention, did I mention dumb?” he flew off into a meaningless tangent, his fingers gripped onto the fabric of your shirt. “I was an idiot, Y/N, I thought this was just some stupid crush, but you’re so much more. God, and I probably hurt you so much during that whole dumb thing, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine, your insults are pretty weak, anyways”

“Oh wow, ok, I see how it is”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding”

The vocalist glanced down to his feet, his eyes reaching back to you right after. “Can we, ya know, start over?”

You plant a feathery kiss against his cheek, summoning the red hue that stayed for the rest of the night. “Of course, Hyuckie”

...

“Miss Park Y/N, I am afraid you have to leave, as you are the cause of the main cause of our vocalist’s distraction.” Renjun stated in a deadpan, robotic tone. An arm, raised and pointing to the direction of the door while his foot rapidly tapped against the carpet. Sometimes, you couldn’t tell if the manager was messing with you or 100% serious with his supposed rage.

“I live here, Renjun” you subtly snapped back as Hyuck, who was perched on top of your lap for the most peculiar reason, snaked his arms around your waist. According to your vocalist boyfriend, he got to sit on your lap cause he was ‘more famous than you’. That dummy.

“I’m taking a break, Junnie, go bug Jeno or something. I’m busy with, um” He scans the figure trapped underneath his grasp as Hyuck continues to formulate his poorly thought-out excuse to spend more time with you. “Vocal exercises, yeah, that.” A disapproving sigh slips out of Renjun’s lips, heading over to the guitar and bassist duo. Once the two of you were alone, Donghyuck’s eyes once again fell onto you.

“How’d you find out about my feelings, anyways? I refuse to believe my acting was THAT bad.” His head slithered into the crook of your neck.

“If I’m being completely honest, It was Jisung”

Donghyuck shot up, mic wires and lyric sheets falling to the ground of your garage. “WHAT?”

“Yeah, he went off, exposing you so much. He didn’t even realise it until after he said everything lmao”

“Hey guys I brought snacks” Jisung slipped through the garage door, bags of chips in his hand. Hyuck sent your brother a narrow glare. “You’re a dead man, Park Jisung.”

You watched Hyuck as he sent himself flying towards the not-so innocent boy, the various chips dropping to the ground. Your brother did kinda deserve it though. You glanced at the ripped up calendar on the wall of the barren garage, your eyes landing on the little Saturday square. You smiled to yourself. Usually, you hated Saturdays, for their errands and boring chores, But this one in particular, seemed to be alright.

...

#nct dream #nct 127 #lee haechan #lee donghyuck #haechan x you #haechan x reader #donghyuck x reader #donghyuck x you #nct dream x you #nct dream x reader #nct 127 x you #nct 127 x reader #writing #my writing #fanfiction #fanfic #writers on tumblr #garage band! au #choir! au

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carnivalerie · 4 years

Text

Stake T̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ Your Heart!

This whiff of lilies, when integrated with your penchant for thrill, may insinuate a battlefield of rivalry, lunacy, and bloodlust. Its whiteness, akin to your crowning glory. And I, who wagered my life for it all.

I conjured up the image of our holy ground — your beloved “Tower of Doors” where you proposed on two knees, an earnest wish to reappoint me as your secretary. Beforehand, it must be insisted that my readiness to embark on any gamble of your fancy, notwithstanding the grim circumstances that might eventuate, was solely enkindled by "love".

To put it simply, my dear president, this prolonged hankering for your acknowledgment, granted me a great deal of spine necessary for staking my life on the line. Envisioning that gratified expression in your aquamarine eyes, as you put me in a pedestal at long last! Should I still be at fault for having been conquered by such an enticing prospect? Know that I had long since pined for that glory, to be esteemed by you in a manner that is paramount amongst many! Mainly, those who had achieved renown by gambling with their treacherous tactics, extraordinary stroke of luck and whatnot — you’d best not shed even the slightest bit of rumination on those vicious lot! Even so, I would wordlessly oblige to be feasted upon by their very cycle of deception and competition, should chance present me a higher footing in your innermost sentiments, my president. To the exclusion of that sea of ludicrous faces, my downfall in your eyes would resemble collision and chaos, instigated by the ravenous inhabitants of your favourite aquarium. Although there was no reason for me to partake in its long-established state of turmoil, catering to your every need and being at your beck and call, had faithfully served as my sole raison d'etre. This to say, when my beloved had bidden a beautiful tragedy to be spectated, then so be it! In return, I would implore of you to beautifully behold the entirety of my utter demise.

Just as you derived amusement from the madness and mayhem of Hyakkou Academy, I was similarly enthralled when you first distinguished yourself as a gambling prodigy. My own self had born witness to that particular fragment of history, when you fearlessly ventured for the presidential throne of the student council. Our former head of the academy suffered a crippling defeat, as you had managed to procure her luxurious designation in the school hierarchy. With a single move, no less! Ah, you could not even begin to fathom how that particular gamble had tremendously impacted my aspiration in life. I was spellbound by your lack of concern to the possible risk which you had subjected yourself to. And yet, to gain the seat of royalty with that heedless mindset! This aspect of you, my president, had always been in stark contrast to my deep-rooted inclination toward a logical line of thought. In my youth, I followed suit to the path of erudition, wherein I would opt for the company of a good book, rather than associate with any social circle in class. My complacent nature refused to tolerate any achievement of low caliber. Although reaching this pinnacle of success was fulfilling, in its stead, my obsessive-compulsive self soon went by unnoticed, until it deteriorated to no end. Being accustomed to this blissful sensation which inherently trailed after attainment, had roused within me a dangerous drive to prevail. This heart riddled with hubris was dead set on you, Kirari-kaichou! A befitting target who entailed much grandeur, outwardly yet with a beauty that touched upon your innards. In addition, your absurd conceptualisation of leisure had invited all sorts of strangely compelling episodes before my very eyes! No other mortal could be sophisticated yet indecipherable to your extent!

To cite a myriad of privileges which coincide with my duty as your secretary, I am primarily obligated to oversee the procurement of your daily meals, to accompany you during major engagements which are inclusive of student council meetings, and to be acquainted even with your personal affairs. When tasked with a lesser volume of your bidding, my nimble fingers tend to your exquisite features with utmost care. I take pleasure in intertwining your hair with ribbons, complementing your sheer elegance which is further made conspicuous through your aristocratic yet scholarly fashion, as well as its subtle embellishments of frills and laces. This rapturous routine concludes by offering you my appreciation, or a compliment of some sort. Whichever the case, the echoes of your endearing chuckle connote a mirthful reception to my loyalty. All of which constituted the crimson thread of our bond — over my rotten corpse, would I afford to have it severed. Overrun with eccentric personages and deceitful gamblers, Hyakkou Private Academy would undoubtedly become an impediment, in the midst of our budding entanglement. But rest assured, my president — whoever wished for your hand in battle, would first need to eliminate any trace of suspicion from me! So far, I had incapacitated those whose invitations were laced with intrigue, foul play, or downright precarious regulations. So as long as I remained close by, your displacement from harm’s way would endure each maddening day! Or so I conceived. To my dismay, our convictions did not align. Whoever was attributed with uttermost lunacy between us, was no longer of our concern. Perchance, the existence of that quintessential gambler — whose ancestry was closely linked with my lady — had awarded some sensibility into my system. A high roller whose indulgence in pure vice, had led us to gamble with this facetious demand: a game that navigated beyond the hackneyed provocation of life and death.

I, who had thus far welcomed the likelihood of my cessation, was doomed to wield all patterns of reason, so as to salvage my ruling passion. The said circumstances called for unwavering rationalisation, in correspondence with my critically lovelorn state. Whereas that madwoman placed her idée fixe as the ultimate bet, my loving relations to you, president, were at stake. Ah, the nerve of that scornful woman! The turbulence which went hand in hand with such a compulsive gambler, no different from a vindictive piranha in your Darwinian tank! Since you refused to lend an ear to my worries, I could only envision the manner with which she would bring about the ruin of what you held the most dear. And, concerning the possible termination of my secretary position, your consent emerged without a moment’s delay. Alongside that glint of fascination in your eyes, my bosom ached for even the faintest tinge of hesitation which you had so mercilessly deprived me. In deep contemplation, an overwhelming surge of despair crept over my body. Sentimentality spoke ill of you and I, who were destined to breathe in disparate realms of perception. Brooded over the remoteness of your bewitching air. Condemned to the precursory disposition of an onlooker! Unneeded. Led further astray from your serpentine divination, which I had so tenderly gazed upon in our bygone days. In favour of the celestial curiosity that embodied your ideals, I digressed from the abode of angels, and glimpsed at your light alone, at the end of this tunnel.

My lady, would it be meaningless to question whether the affiliation of a straight-laced secretary, and the enigmatic president with whom she had sworn fidelity, was a legend soon to be dismissed by this academy? If so, I would permit no tragedy as this! For the fool that I was, had implanted a false seedling of hope in my chest. Marvelled at the fantasy of being looked upon so affectionately. Dismissed the cacophonies of reality altogether. Smitten by the cold, hard surface of that esoteric tower, a splatter of blood cascaded from my forehead. Followed by a rush of adrenaline, my concentration perfectly intact, and finally, the sweet resonance of triumph whispered away my angst! For finally, finally, la fin de mon amour non partagé — with open arms, you would declare how unparalleled I am to those risk-takers who had foolishly stirred your fancy! This golden opportunity. Ecstasy. My flawless logic. Five minutes. Unbolted panel on the ceiling. Two more storeys to climb. A vision of your loveliness. The whitest lily, gritted between my teeth. Nearly there. My dearest president! For you, I — ah! . . . . . How woefully tragic. The beaming face of lunacy which addressed my arrival, did not belong to thee. Now, to relinquish the feasibility of our romance. I became fully aware of my blunder, simultaneously when the lily slipped from my quivering lips. Ironically speaking, logic had enshrouded the actual key to that tower, which you had designed solely for the desideratum of a competent gambler. Unfortunately, it was not I who beguiled you that night, nor was there any glimmer of hope in becoming the focal point of your fanciful eye. Dereliction of your expectations, my president, was hitherto the most revolting defeat that I had to stomach in the totality of my existence. It's no wonder that a lackluster woman in the likes of I, would not even register in your intricate mind.

Ramifications of my failure would now threaten to steal you away. As for the final act, I was sentenced to tumble five floors down to my death. How uncanny, when the remains of my agony gradually dissipated with the gentle zephyr instead. I recounted our days of heaven and hell — the odds of losing it all no longer made me bled. From my paronamic view, a paradise of lilies awaited me. Quietude crawled its way into my heart, and out came a penultimate profession of love. To perish in the abyss of my beloved's insatiable whim, was mayhaps the most amorous manner of passing into oblivion. I relished in this honour, allowing my frame to be seized by the dolorous yet intimate breeze. For I am beholden to you, until the very end. And yet, imagine my astonishment when I descended with you, president! Plummeted to the safeguard beneath your lily meadow, your rhapsodies of spontaneity had unfailingly rendered me speechless. Kaichou, the frivolous countenance that you bore, whilst laying by my side with seemingly no regard for the world, would haunt me until my own lifespan withered away. A declaration of differences remarked how you were similarly enthralled with my propensity for a rational mindset — beyond your grasp, yet within the vicinity of your enchantment. Teary-eyed once again. Over your sweet tongue and the heartening lick it inflicted on my skin! Elevating my disposition of a stranger, to your sworn secretary — a milestone that I would relentlessly relive! Kirari Momobami, my president, my queen. The curiosity which embodied your amour fou for gambling, was the much-needed amour that would grant me a reason for living.

FIN.

: dedicated to Gray-senpai ♥

: art by tamiyah_cv ✦

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fourangers · 4 years

Text

Fate and Choices (ch. 02)

Summary: When Naruto discovered who was going to be his soulmate, he jumped straight at this opportunity, looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his better half. Sasuke well…he was less eager in this regard though. NaruSasu. Soulmates tattoos. M-rated.

Content: AU!Office, Romance, Comedy, Drama, it’ll get a little too philosophical in some parts talking about free will Vs fate, basically Sasuke is a cynic ass and Naruto is an idealistic moron (great amirite), Anal Sex, tattoos soulmates

Chapter 01 here

AO3 link

--.--

“Hey! Jackass!”

Sasuke stiffened, bracing himself from the incoming impact.

“Fucking bastard thought you were gonna get rid of me, ‘s not going to be that easy you know!”

Sasuke was rubbing his legs with a wince; good gracious, years have passed and this idiot continued to be the same loudmouth dumbass. He turned back to Neji. “Please fire him.”

Neji blinked. “It’s my company and I’m the one who hired him Sasuke.”

“I know, but I’m saying that you should fire for our sanity’s sake.”

“Wow, that’s so mean.” Naruto grumbled, widening a grin. “You haven’t changed one bit Sasuke. Plus, there’s no way Neji would fire me when I’m the best social media manager you ever met!”

Sasuke rolled his eyes then threw a significant glance towards Neji.

Neji shook his head. “Yes, sorry to say but Naruto is pretty good. He is one of the few I know that can build a good number of followers organically in a short time. I guess you’ll have to deal with it. Just use this opportunity for some catching up ok.” He patted Sasuke’s shoulder and stared at Naruto in deadpan. “Please don’t destroy the office.”

“C’mon Neji, you really think we’re gonna get back to fighting as if we’re twelve? Give me some credit will you.” Naruto’s grin became so wide that it reminded him of a cheshire’s cat.

“...right.” Neji looked around, and picked an antique vase on the way out.

Sasuke stared at Naruto and his winsome beam, then gazed at the door knob.

He turned around.

“Oh? Ignoring me and fleeing again? The coward's obvious choice.”

Turning back with a venomous glare, Sasuke approached Naruto. “Well, I suppose there’s no point delaying any longer. What do you want from me?”

The caustic tone dissolved Naruto’s grin into a frown, so he mumbled. “What the hell did I do wrong for you to act like an asshole around me?”

Sasuke inhaled, taking some seconds to recompose himself as he retorted. “You’re right, my attitude was wholly unneeded, but I can’t help it. I still need to know why on earth you decided to reappear in my life when I made pretty clear that I don’t want you around.”

“Good God, I can’t believe that you don’t want your soulmate after this many years⏤”

“Don’t go there.” Sasuke growled through gritted teeth.

“Ugh, fine.” Naruto rolled his eyes. “You know, after what we’ve been through, I thought that at least you would bother yourself to give me an explanation or at least keep some kind of contact.”

“I can’t believe you took seriously our summer fling.”

Naruto stared, and then quirked an eyebrow. “Three years is not a summer fling.”

“Whatever, but it happened while we were young and stupid, so it is a fling no matter how long it took.” Before Naruto could protest, Sasuke interjected in. “Everything was going fine in my life back when you left me alone in peace, so why did you decide out of nowhere to get back in bothering me again?”

Naruto curled down his mouth, examining Sasuke’s indecipherable face as graphite eyes focused glowering at the ground. He knew that Sasuke wasn’t going to be cheerfully welcoming his return though he expected at least some positive reaction.

Scratching his blond head, Naruto sighed. “Sasuke, back when your parents divorced” He could see Sasuke tensing on the corner of his eye but he continued nevertheless. “I really wished you could rely on me to share your feelings about it but you just decided to throw me out of your life. But I respected that this was your way of coping and later I also get why you did that⏤”

“If you got it, why are you here now?”

Naruto blinked and declared with strong assurance. “Because I’m your soulmate.”

“We only have matching tattoos dumbass, nothing else.”

“Only matchin⏤” Naruto groaned. “Oh c’mon, gimme your hand in case you forgot about it.”

“No.” Sasuke held his hand closer to his chest, dodging away from Naruto’s grasp.

“You stubborn bastard⏤”

“Dumbass, get the fuck away⏤” The young men wrestled in the conference room, stumbling through chairs and knocking down assorted papers and pens.

“Sasuke, goddammit, just for a few seconds, I swear!” Naruto yowled, arms stretched out in a vain attempt to reach Sasuke’s hand.

Sighing, Sasuke lowered his arm. “I’ll humor you for once, I guess.” He raised his palm, showing his moon tattoo.

Naruto broadened a victorious smile, interlacing his tanned fingers with pale ones. When their tattoos touched, a warm ball of light grew till it lit up the whole room, but Sasuke dropped his hand, cutting off its connection.

"You felt that right, once again. That wave of happiness, the comfort, contentment. We complete each other.” Breathing heavily, remnants of those emotions overwhelmed him, soulful blue eyes attempted to reach his soulmate.

Sasuke averted his gaze, crafting a blank expression and shrugged. “I disagree with this. Those feelings are probably some kind of animalistic instinct to preserve our species and I’m beyond all that. Why do people keep claiming that they need to find their other half? I’m already one whole person, I’m against the notion that you need someone else to feel complete.”

Raising his eyebrows impressed, Naruto hummed pensive, conceding. "Alright…that's a very fair point. But no matter how complete you are, you need relationships to sustain yourself. Family, coworkers, friends…we're humans that need other people all the time. And isn't it great that nature gave us this tool to find the best companion that will share his lifetime with you?"

"This system is flawed and imperfect Naruto. You know it as well as I do." Sasuke retorted. "And I'd rather not waste my life blindly relying over something that might fail in the long run."

“You're selling a technology that lets people find their own soulmate.” Naruto muttered incredulously.

“I sell the tool, not the satisfaction nor its promise for happiness." Sasuke offered with a prim sniff, chin raised. "And whatever might be my business, it has nothing to do with my personal opinion, in which is that I'm fine not needing a soulmate."

"Why? I thought we were in agreement back then!"

"Which goes back to the talk that we were just young and naive, that's all. I changed my mind."

“Honestly, why are you going so against it, it’s like one of those obvious laws of nature. It’s inevitable, like…" Naruto paused for a second, trying to come up with valid examples. "Like gravity, physics, and everything like…babies would always cry…um…dogs are angels and cats are evil…”

“How dare you, you take back that last sentence right fucking now.” Sasuke growled.

“Alright, maybe cats are also nice, I’ll let you adopt one when we live together!”

“No, thank you. And for every supposed law of nature, it’s never entirely universal. You can use aerodynamics to fly above gravity, cats can save kids and dogs can bite⏤”

“And babies crying?” Naruto chimed in.

“...tiny baby lizards don’t cry.” Sasuke regretted it the instant he uttered these words, he knew that his IQ would just drop if he’d spend one minute more with this dumbass, Naruto is just this infectious. "That doesn't matter. I thought I came here so I could talk about work, not engaging in those childish conversations that go nowhere."

"...so." Naruto smacked his lips and grinned. "I am your social media manager then."

Sasuke stared and narrowed his eyes. "My company's social media."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. You have my phone number and Line? It's⏤"

“I know your number, I just have to unblock you.”

Sasuke half-expected Naruto bristling in indignation when he got the confirmation that he was indeed, blocking him out over those years. A crestfallen despair flashed through Naruto’s eyes, before blossoming to a warm smile.

“I’m just glad we’re talking again, that’s all that matters.”

Sasuke wanted to tell him that it’s only work related. That it won’t change his mind and once the contract would be over, they would part their respective ways. Caustic, sharp words had to be uttered so he could end this nonsense at last, but somehow it died on his throat when his whole soul ached to reach Naruto’s face and kiss the pained frown away.

Thankfully, a knock from the door broke their stupor, and Naruto opened to meet Neji and some of Sasuke’s coworkers.

“Well, it seems that their meeting is over. Anyways, Hoozuki-sama, Yamato-sama, Uzumaki Naruto-san here will be in charge of Shinrei’s whole social media account, as well as strategy and planning.”

Naruto and Sasuke’s coworkers shook hands and exchanged name cards, bowing politely as they began the meeting. Suigetsu quirked his eyebrow, noticing how Sasuke always averted his gaze whenever he talked with Uzumaki-san, even though the blond man stared as if Sasuke was the only man in the whole room.

Those were intense, covetous azure eyes that somehow weren't much tainted with lust. Curiosity piqued, Suigetsu dragged his friend to the side while Naruto was talking with the other coworker.

“So…from all the interactions I witnessed, it seems that you and that blondie have some history together right. What happened?”

Sasuke glared. “Nothing.”

“Oh c’mon, just tell me! It’s the first time I ever saw you being so nervous around a guy, whatever happened has to be something big.”

Sasuke sighed, shutting his eyes. He uttered in the most bored tone he could muster. “Naruto is my soulmate.”

Suigetsu blinked. “…huh?”

“My soulmate.” Sasuke repeated. “He’s my soulmate.”

“WHAT?!” Suigetsu shouted, switching his gaze back and forth towards Sasuke and Naruto. “You lucky dog, you found your soulmate this easily?! And he’s hot too!”

“He is?” Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, then turned around for a quick check. No, that’s the usual dumbass, stupid grin Naruto, there’s nothing new about that.

“God, the fact that you don’t want a soulmate makes even less sense now! I want a hottie like him riding me till tomorrow for the rest of my life.” Suigetsu noticed the black eyebrow twitching in annoyance and curled a saucy grin. “I better get first in line if he’s interested.”

“Whatever suits you best.” Sasuke grumbled, as they all moved back to the entrance, as the meeting was over.

Someone poked his shoulder. “Hey hey. Sasuke.” He turned his face, glare activated but halted at once when he felt moist lips touching his skin. “Have a nice day.” Naruto beamed.

He furiously rubbed his cheek with his hand, growling. “I’m going to kill you.”

“So testy, I just gave you one innocent peck on your cheek.” Laughing, Naruto patted his back while he returned to the office.

Neji observed the grin that stretched from ear to ear and muttered. “Oh dear me. It’s been a while since I saw you smiling this much.”

“Well, duh. Obviously.”

“Hm. You’re satisfied with the arrangement then?”

“Yeah! Thanks for everything Neji.”

“Likewise. I hope whatever conclusion you two will reach, it’ll be satisfactory to you both.” Pearly eyes peered in earnest intensity, so Naruto offered a half-grin back. “But I would like to remind you that Sasuke is our client, right.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Naruto appeased him.

“Don’t go too far.”

“I won’t!”

“Please don’t annoy Sasuke too much, okay.”

There was a long silence and then. “Uh. Sure!”

Is it too late to change his own mind; Neji wondered with a sigh.

⏤.⏤

Six hundred, forty three. That’s the number of times Sasuke had to suppress the urge to throw Suigetsu out of the car, whenever his friend nagged wanting to know more details about Naruto.

He hoped once he arrived in his office, all this nonsense would be over so he could concentrate on his work. Promising gruesome bloody murder if Suigetsu ever dared to gossip about his love life, he strode to Itachi’s room.

“Nii-san.”

“Oh, welcome back otouto-kun. How was the meeting? How is Neji-kun?” Itachi acknowledged him with a quick nod, eyes still focused on the laptop.

“Neji is fine, his marketing plan is really well planned and he is just going to make us cover the basic costs, nothing else.” Sasuke paced around, and said. “Nii-san, you won’t believe who is going to take care of our social media.”

“Oh, Neji told me. I’ve heard that he’s a really bright, young man…” Itachi raised his eyes to meet with Sasuke’s, a knowing beam broadening his lips. “Blond, blue eyes, who has an exquisite sun tattoo that fits with your moon tattoo pretty perfectly…”

“What the f⏤!” Sasuke tamped down the urge to scream, throwing his hands to the air. “I can’t believe you all! You, Neji and Naruto all planned this?! I can’t believe that you would betray me. You’re my brother!”

“And as your older brother, I agreed with Neji-kun that you avoiding Naruto-kun is damaging you in the long run, but considering your stubbornness I thought that it’d be better if I nudged a little in the right direction.”

“Unbelievable. I thought that you, of all people, understood me the best considering the experience we suffered with mother and father.”

Sighing, Itachi stilled in commiseration, picking his tea cup. He sipped the warm beverage, murmuring. “I considered these memories for a long time, but I concluded that I shouldn’t let them deter my life. It’s specifically because of them that I’m determined to find the perfect companionship with my soulmate.”

Sasuke scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, big words from someone who didn’t bother himself to find his own soulmate. You know really well that he or she lives in the Netherlands but you kept delaying buying the plane ticket.”

“…I have…other priorities for now.” Itachi argued with a clipped tone.

“No, you just share the same trauma as I do but since it’s not your problem, you thought you could manipulate however you liked about my own life. It is your loss though, because even if our parents’ divorce may had influenced my opinion about Soulmates, I have valid reasons to reject it.” Sasuke declared, tightening his hands into a fist. “I’ll do this damn job with Naruto just to prove you, and then we’ll go on our own goddamn different paths. Just you wait.”

“…” Itachi studied his younger brother’s agitated state, eyebrows knitted, resolute.

Honestly, Sasuke had already grown old enough to be in any need of his guidance, but above all, he wasn’t really accepting any of it even if Itachi tried to drill any word in his hard-headed mind. From now on he guessed he’d leave it up to Naruto, and he hoped the young man would have enough patience handling his younger brother.

⏤.⏤

Naruto was being…strange. At first, Sasuke expected that the dumbass would use the opportunity that he unblocked his contact to flirt with him, or engage inane conversation or send dick pics. The blond man was oddly very considerate nevertheless, using their chats for strict professional subjects, not one thing out of line.

On the other hand, they had a lot of physical meetings. At first it was only once per week, not arousing his suspicion as Sasuke considered that Naruto probably had a lot of questions that it’d be better clarified with these kinds of meetings. The following week they had twice per week and then thrice. Also, whatever professional courtesy Naruto had respected in chats, was thrown out of the window when he saw Sasuke, trying to start off-topic conversations, sitting really close to him and generally being a pain in the ass.

(Sasuke didn’t want to admit that he was enjoying those meetings)

When Naruto called, ready to schedule another meeting, Sasuke rebutted. “A meeting? Online meeting, you meant.”

“Oh no, like a meeting, meeting. As in, me going to your office or you going to mine and…”

“For someone who only uses online tools for your everyday work, you oddly prefer a face to face meeting for no particular reason.”

“What can I say, I’m a people’s person after all.” Naruto chuckled. “Well, if you’re too busy we can reschedule if you want.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. This really felt like some sort of measured chess game, when one man was carefully choosing which pieces to sacrifice or to keep it alive. He expected that since Naruto was so impatient he’d prefer a direct approach instead of slowly luring him in.

“Then again, I haven’t seen him for over seven years, who knows how much he had changed since then.”

⏤.⏤

UGH.

This is so fucking hard.

What Naruto really wanted was to drag Sasuke to some secluded room and have his way until they were both satisfied. But nope, that stupid ass bastard is just too stubborn and suspicious of everything that if he did any sudden move, Naruto was afraid that Sasuke would disappear to some far away country, like Canada or Argentina or something like that.

Was he asking for too much in wanting to have his soulmate back? Was he? He just wanted life to be easier for once. Stupid Sasuke. Why. Uuuuugh. Now Sasuke was already getting suspicious that they were having way too many meetings and Naruto wanted at least some compensation for using all his remaining patience to let Sasuke dictate this fucking slower than slug pace.

He heard the familiar ping, unlocking his phone.

Sorry, just finished a meeting now. I’m going to arrive 15 minutes late.

Oooooh?

Grinning, Naruto noticed Sasuke typing some response but he was quicker.

Uchiha-sama is going to be late? My eyes didn’t deceive me just now, did I really read that?

Moron.

Naruto laughed, thankful that his typing speed was faster than Sasuke’s. I mean, Uchiha Sasuke-sama is actually going to be late for the first time in his life. Wow, it’s going to rain knives today.

It’s not my fault dumbass, the sponsor I was talking with wanted more details about my software. And he’s an old man it was difficult to explain in layman terms.

Ah, yeah…sounds tough. Don’t worry about it, I can wait while I’m working. Thanks for the heads up.

Sasuke snorted, relaxing his shoulders on the taxi seat while he stared at the buildings passing by. Opening a new company was so hard, so many people to visit, so many potential sponsors and clients to sell your product. There were also many annoying obligations to register your company and documentation to smooth things through too. His father gave enough initial investments to help them open the business but aside that, they were really green, unsure what steps to proceed in a shrewd market.

Thanks to Naruto’s strategies their brand is getting recognition between specialists for now, some well-known influencers tested their technology, aiding him to show tangible successes in the effort to convince people. But although they were impressed, few signed the deed, not wanting to risk their precious capital over an infant company.

Exhaling a tired breath, he went to the conference room after he greeted Neji. The moment he opened the door, he immediately picked the nice fragrance of fresh cooked rice.

“Hey. I’m just gonna finish retouching some reports and we’ll start the meeting right away.” Naruto said.

In front of him laid a neat porcelain plate with three onigiris, then a tomato salad inside a plastic package and even Caramel dark chocolate from a fancy brand.

“Oh yeah, feel free to dig in, I bought this for you.”

At this admission his stomach growled and Sasuke licked his lips. “How did you know I was hungry?” Sharp graphite eyes narrowed.

“Well…if I’m not mistaken, you usually eat around 12:30 or something right? Unless you changed your habit, I mean. But it’s already 1 pm, and you didn’t mention stopping a little to eat lunch, so I thought it would be best if I bought something for you.”

…Naruto still remembered all his favorite foods. Warm beats expanded in his chest and Sasuke forcibly tamped it down. This is just residual instinct caused by this soulmating system, it had nothing to do with his feelings. He savored each bite in silence while Naruto gave the monthly report.

Hmph. Dumbass.

--.--

Chapter 03

#NaruSasu #snstext #sn fic #sns fic #drabble

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patheticphallacy · 5 years

Text

This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up.

Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away. He was only 50 years old. I won’t go into details because of how personal it is, but he was in hospital a majority of the month before he passed. I’ve taken a year suspension from University for the time being.

It has been a really difficult time for myself and my family. I’ve turned a lot to books and blogging to offer a way to occupy my mind which is why so many things still seem to be coming out, but I cannot say that this will hold up after the funeral.

As I schedule so many posts, a lot of what came out this month has been written since around mid August and I did not find the time to stop the University posts before they were released. I won’t be deleting them.

I hope you’ll all understand.

THINGS I’VE READ

An Inspector Calls by J.B. Priestley– My sister gave me her copy she used for her GCSE’s. Such a great play with revelation after revelation, left me on the edge of my seat. While I knew the core plot twist, I didn’t predict that ending.

Mob Psycho 100 Volume 1 by One– This was kind of meh. It’s one of my best friend’s favourites, so I’ll carry it on eventually, but I don’t really feel the urge to pick volume two up just yet. I will say I like how the anime tackles the same events in a different order to save major revelations for backstory– that was really interesting to pick up on.

I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn– I really didn’t like this! Lacklustre and very cliched, feel like it doesn’t really offer anything other than annoying ending and characters who go through absolutely no development at all.

Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid– An OK romance that actually has discussions surrounding reading and books that don’t feel forced. I found this easy to read even though I’ve never read any Russian Lit, and I actually want to read it more now. Like that it discusses age gaps and issues of the power dynamic too.

Seven Tears at High Tide by C.B. Lee– Finally finished this one, and it only took me 3 months. A very cute and heartwarming story about a boy who makes a wish and falls in love with a Selkie. Does get ridiculous at the end, I must say, but I was happy with the payoff.

The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill– Katie O’Neill creates such amazing narratives that have wonderful messages about society and being true to yourself and your wishes, pursuing something that you love and encouraging others to do the same.

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin– How can I ever trust a single man or old person after this book? Tell me.

Please Undo This Hurt by Seth Dickinson– Don’t really rate this short story. It bored me and I hated the main characters, not even in a good way. Just perpetuates the ‘I can save you from your mental illness’ narrative that is dull and overdone by this point.

My Hero Academia Volume 20 by Kohei Horikoshi– Gentle Criminal and La Brava was so boring, the School Festival arc was fabulous, and Endeavor finally got his ass kicked! Yay!

Aphrodite Made Me Do It by Trista Mateer– I have a review of this coming out soon for National Poetry Day in the UK, but if you don’t want to wait, I have a review here!

The Quiet Boy by Nick Antosca– I read this after watching the trailer for Antlers, and I thought it was pretty neat! Very thrilling, although I’m bothered by changes being made in the film that I feel could detract from having Julia as one of the main characters in the film.

I Am Not Your Final Girl by Claire C. Holland– A collection of poetry centring around fictional women from horror films, exploring their empowerment and agency in a genre and a wider culture and society that seems willing to beat them down until they break.

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink– I have a review of this linked later this post! Full of body horror and emotional trauma, this is a really solid read great for fans of the podcast and Welcome to Night Vale.

In the Shadow of Spindrift House by Mira Grant– I love this terrible cover! Keep an eye out for my review of this, it’s coming out soon.

The World’s Greatest First Love Volume 1 by Shungiku Nakamura– The publishing elements and the main character were GREAT, but there is prevalent sexual assault in this that is never addressed and is incredibly insensitive in its treatment, so I don’t recommend this manga.

Dead Voices by Katherine Arden– I didn’t enjoy this one as much as Small Spaces, but it’s still really freaky and a great middle grade read. I love that Coco gets her own POV in this, too, and that it doesn’t take stereotypical routes with some of its plotlines.

No One Is Too Small To Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg– This is a collection of speeches Greta Thunberg has made addressing climate change, as well as her own position as an advocate for the cause. Moving and a must read, in my opinion. It’s only £3 in Waterstones at the moment for anyone who wants to pick it up!

Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury– A fascinating collection of essays written by Bradbury about his writing process and some of the more popular works he’s published. I honestly felt really inspired and motivated after reading this, I highly recommend it especially for creative writers, but just be warned it is very oriented around the white male experience.

Heartstopper Volume 2 by Alice Oseman– I adore Heartstopper and I love this second volume. Great progression in the relationship between Nick and Charlie, and we’re getting to see more outside of their relationship and into their friendships and family dynamics, too. I still love Tori Spring!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle– Finally got a hold of the MASSIVE audiobook where Stephen Fry narrates all the Holmes stories, and it honestly made the experience so much more enjoyable. I think Doyle’s skill lies more in shorter fiction than longer fiction, I think there’s less opportunity for… not useless, per se, just unneeded waffling.

Giant Days Volume 9 and 10 by John Allison– These two volumes take place around the tailend of the girl’s second years and follows their accommodation location, the progression (and breakdown) of relationships, and them finally making it to third year intact. I honestly can’t believe there’s only three or four volumes left in this series, its been a constant companion for me since 2016 when I first started and I really don’t want to let it go.

No Touching At All and Even So, I Will Love You Tenderly by Kou Yoneda– Of the ‘older’ manga I’ve read that focus on the relationships between two men, these two are definitely in the ‘recommend’ pile. Other than the beautiful names for the volumes and the artwork being really pretty, I really enjoyed the developing relationships and the conversations had about workplace homophobia and ostracization in Japan, although that wasn’t the main focus. They do include some questionable attitudes towards identification of sexuality– two characters in both volumes are probably bisexual or on that spectrum, but are referred to as straight more than once for liking women and only the man they enter the relationship with. It’s complicated, but nothing in either volumes ever feels targeted or hateful, just lacking education on the nuances of sexuality.

Articles

I found this article about Friends great as it breaks down issues I’ve had with the show for years. I don’t have a lot of attachment to it, honestly, I mostly just put it on in the background, but I think I’ll stop now. I’ve always found the handling of gender and sexuality damaging in Friends, as well as the overwhelming fatphobia.

I really enjoyed looking through this list The Guardian did of the 100 best books of the 21st century. I don’t know why, I’m just a big fan of lists!

Before reading this article, I can honestly tell you I knew nothing about Susan Sontag beyond her name. It’s deconstructing her queerness and how her aversion to accepting her own sexuality ultimately ruled a lot of the work she produced in her life.

God, this article was fascinating. I can’t even tell you what it’s about, really, other than that it’s an interview with Christeene, a punk drag artist who is just really cool, honestly. There are some buttholes for anyone who… wants to avoid butts? Or reading this at work?

There was a massive conversation in August that carried into September regarding the rise in men adopting pseudonyms to get their thriller novels published. This Atlantic article particularly captured the issues I have with men who do this, who are almost trying to fool an audience of women who trust women writers to not approach the suffering of women through a misogynistic lens, as is so common in modern society.

An older article by The New Inquiry, Coming out of the Coffin offers an insight into the fraught relationship between Bram Stoker and Oscar Wilde. A really interesting read, I’m just sad I discovered it 7 years after its release!

THINGS I WATCHED

I don’t do music sections on these wrap ups anymore, so I’ll put this here: the GRAACE cover of ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne completely transforms the song and adds such an amazing depth to it

I decided to binge watch Fleabag and it’s most definitely the best decision I’ve made all year. Fleabag follows the titular woman as she navigates her life as a thirty year old woman whose entire life is in flux, and has been since the death of her mother. There’s a lot I could say about this show, honestly. What really stood out to me was how much I could relate specifically to the emotions Fleabag and her older sister Claire feel in relation to each other, and their grief. Seeing them still come back together even after such a significant loss, their dependency, really gives me strength to get through what I’m experiencing at the moment, so Fleabag has been something I can relate to and look at as hope for a future where I can begin to wrap my head around the terrible things going on around me.

THINGS I POSTED

August Wrap Up

TTT: Books Outside My Comfort Zone

50 Bookish Questions Tag

Music I Enjoyed This Summer

Connie’s Personal 101 Guide For Personal Survival of University

Bookshelf Tour Part 3: TBR & More Manga/Comics

Book Review: I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn

TTT: Books on my Fall TBR

Book Review: Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink

Bookshelf Tour Part 4: CDs&DVDs

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi.

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

September Wrap Up This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up. Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away.

#2019 #articles #book review #film #music #reading wrap up #tv

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magnetvrs · 6 years

Note

brand new neighbours au & kylux

thank you . and thank you to @cuillere for the help and suggestions

Kylo Ren is Hux’s new neighbour. Things don’t go exactly how Hux had planned.

16. brand newneighbours au - 3036 words

Hux makes it his business toknow everything that’s going on in the building – who works where, who’s datingwho, who’s still in touch with their families, who’s ambitions must be carefullykept in check. It’s a good idea, he rationalises, to know who can be trustedand who can’t when living so close together. Really, it’s just an old habit broughton by working too much and the pressures put on him by his father. So, he’sready when the car pulls up outside.

He watches the man moving in from his window, sittingperched on the ledge with Millicent purring in his lap. The man is tall andbroad, unloading the boxes from the back of the car he’d arrived in with easeonto the side of the road. The girl who’s with him is examining the parkingmeter, and even from a distance Hux can tell that they’re arguing even if hecan’t hear their voices. The girl is going red in the face and Hux has to holdback a laugh as the man almost drops one of his boxes while trying to gesturewildly at her. Interesting.

‘Trouble in paradise?’ He wonders aloud, a smile tugging atthe corners of his mouth. If he has to suffer a couple, at least they might provide some entertainment. He can’tstand couples – the softness and affection, the romance. Hux likes to knoweverything that’s going on in the building, after all, he’s chair of the residents association – a role he takes veryseriously and makes sure everyone knows about. The same way he likes to knoweverything about his father’s clients, suppliers or competitors. To know whereto apply pressure until they break or they yield. Either way, Hux gets what hewants.

The woman seems to give up suddenly, turning on her heel toface the man and beginning to gesture back at him as her mouth moves with wordsHux can’t make out. She stomps around to the back of the car, throws the restof the boxes to the ground and jumps into the driver’s seat before either Huxor the man can react, and speeds away.

‘Well,’ Hux mumbles, barely biting back a laugh. This isgoing to be more interesting than he’d thought. Millicent meows in protest ashe shifts her down to the floor with gentle hands, and he coos softly at her, ‘I’msorry sweetheart.’

Of course, he’dthought a cat was a good idea at the time, to have the unconditional love of asmall fluffy animal to break up his loneliness. But Millicent is no simplefluffy creaute, she’s an apex predator. Sometimes when he watches her playingwith her toy mouse he thinks she has a bigger ruthless streak than he does. Sheslinks along behind him as he collects his empty mug from the coffee table andheads for the kitchen, waiting to hear the man entering the building andheading up the stairs.

Sure enough, there’s ashuffling sound from outside his flat, the sound of heavy booted shoes reachingthe top of the stairs and the jingle of keys. Hux has been preparing for thismoment. He may not be a gentleman, but he at least knows how to act like one.To smile sweetly and make small talk. To make people think he’s harmless.

He smooths back his hair, before picking up the tin from thecooling rack and rushing out of the door. Sure enough, his new neighbour isstill standing at the door of his flat fumbling with his key with one hand andtrying to balance two boxes with the other.

Close up the man is beautiful.Not necessarily in a conventional sense, although Hux is anything butconventional, but in a broad, powerful way. Like he could snap Hux in half withone arm… Hux pushes back those thoughts, intrusive and unneeded, and coaxes hislips up into a fake smile. Lure him in,Hux thinks, give him a false sense ofsecurity.

‘Hello,’ he says, waiting for the man to turn towards himbefore he continues, ‘You must be Ben Solo.’

‘No, it’s Kylo Ren.’

‘Oh-‘

‘You’re Armitage.’ It’s a statement, not a question, Ren’svoice is flat. Hux’s heart pounds in his chest at the sound of that name, ‘they warned be about you whenI came to sign the lease.’

‘Hux. I’m just Hux,’ he says, a little too quickly to seem nonchalant.Ren’s face pulls up into a wide, lopsided smile. As if he’s laughing at Hux.

‘Had a little disagreement with the girlfriend, did you?’ Itslips out before he can help it, a desperate attempt at anything that will tipthe balance back in his favour. The need to show that he has the upper hand outweighsany careful calculations he has about politeness or keeping his cards to hischest.

It doesn’t have the effect he had wanted though, to haveKylo blushing and stammering as much as he is. Instead,Kylo stares straight back at him,eyebrows furrowing into a frown. Kylo narrows his eyes and Hux feels himselfswallow on impulse. He really is a big guy…

‘Rey? She’s my sister,’ Ren replies, barely missing a beat.

Shit…

‘Well I uh,’ he can already feel his cheeks betraying him,as hot red blush blooms over them, ’madethis for you. As a welcome gift.’ He’s never felt so awkward about giving newresidents his customary ‘welcome to the building’ pie before, but somethingabout Kylo Ren makes him feel off, makes him want to run back to his flat andslam the door. He holds the tin out, hopeful that Kylo will take it so that hecan escape back to his flat. And then spend the rest of the night replaying hismistakes over and over in his head. Shit!

Kylo looks him up and down, silently before reaching for thetin and stepping inside his flat without another word.

Kylo Ren is a menace.

Wherever Hux goes in the building, he’s there it feels like. They cross each other in the hallway, on thestairs, outside their flats, even at the corner shop. One memorable time Hux isdown in the basement, with the washing machines trying to get his laundry done.It’s his assigned laundry time andyet Kylo Ren had pushed open the door laundry basket balanced on his hip, and then just stood in a corner and stared. Hux had felt his cheeks betrayinghim, going bright red, as he had tried to stuff his pairs of boxers into themachine – all far too cute for a man like him, with cats and flowers and heartsprinted on them, and finally a pair of red panties. All with Ren’s eyes burninginto his back. He could cope with seeing Ren everywhereif it wasn’t for those stares. They make him feel like his skin is crawling. Like Ren can see right through him tohis rotten core.

Worst of all, the only thing that Kylo Ren seems to beorganised about is his practice sessions.Despite Hux’s failure to extract information from Ren within the first week ofhim moving in Hux learns what he does for a living, when without fail everynight Kylo Ren starts playing his music.

Hux would say that he’s impressed – he can only play theviolin himself after enduring 8 years of lessons, at Ren’s apparent ability toplay any instrument he picks up. Except that his practice sessions wake him up,sounds of drums and electric guitar vibrating through his thin bedroom wall at3am every night.

Once Ren even sings, if it can be called that. It’s morelike shouting or screaming really, and Hux can barely make out the words. It’san assault of sound vibrating through his bedroom wall. He’s about to raise hisfist, to bang on the wall as he always does when it changes and he findshimself frozen. Ren’s voice has changed, he’s not shouting or screaming anymore,he’s actually singing.

‘Fuck…’ he breathes, pulse racing at his throat. Ren’s voiceis beautiful, soft and vulnerable and nothing like he’s heard from Ren before. Helowers his hand and sinks back under thecovers. He stares up at the ceiling, as Ren’s voice floats through the wall,barely daring to breathe.

For once it’s blessedly quiet, the distant sound of trafficand the occasional yowl of a cat the only sound. Millicent is curled at the endof his bed and Hux is tucked up in bed, in his silk pyjamas with his room incomplete darkness. And yet he still can’t sleep.

He turns over, cursing as he gets tangled up in the blanketsand disrupts Millicent, who hisses a warning.Once he has settled himself again, he gropes across his nightstand with a groanand pulls his clock towards him, squinting at the numbers. 4 am glows back athim.

Of course, hethinks as he sinks back down with a groan, theone night that Kylo isn’t playing musicand I still can’t sleep. That even when Ren isn’t disturbing him with hismusic, the absence of the music keeps him up. Where is he?

He’s almost asleep when he hears it, bringing him back fromthe comforting warmth. At first, hethinks its Millicent knocking something over – perhaps she has tried to get herdry food out of the cupboard, except that when he shifts under the covers hecan feel her warm weight against his leg.

The only light is the pale glow from the streetlights downthe street, illuminating his room in a ghostly half-light. He sits up,considering whether it’s worth going to check on the noise. Its London afterall, strange noises late at night are tobe expected. Except that he hears it again, a strange thumping and a low hum.

Hux feels his heart begin to pound, palms going instantlysweaty against the covers. Fuck. ABurglar. Or worse?

He pulls his dressing gown from the back of the door, beforeslipping into the front room soundlessly. If he’s going to be brutally murderedhe’s at least going to look his best. Or the best he can at 4 am on a weekday.He ties the gowns belt around his waist with swift motions and reaches for hisumbrella, stored neatly in a rack by the door before approaching the peephole.

At first, he can’t seeanything, the stairwell only illuminated in a weak light. Slowly his eyesadjust and then he sees the figure. The noises begin to make sense. He reallyshould have known, that all the problems in his life seem to be connected toone man.

Kylo Ren seems to have made it halfway up the stairs to hisand Hux’s floor, before collapsing and at that moment seems to be slowlyslipping back down on his stomach, as gravity does its job.

That would explain thecrash, Hux smirks.

He must really be overtired because instead of laughing atRen’s misfortune and going back to bed, Hux finds his fingers fumbling for hiskey and unlocking the latch. His socked feet muffle his footsteps as he stepsout in the hallway, but he makes sure to shut the door behind him, harder thanhe would normally in the hopes of attracting Ren’s attention.

It’s quiet in the way the world can only be in the earlyhours of the morning before the citywakes up. He stands at his doorway for afew minutes, willing Ren to move – to get up, to say something. Even just totwitch an arm or a leg so that he can reassure himself that Ren’s fine, that hecan go back to bed and stop worrying about him. That it won’t be his problem.But Ren lays completely still, although his chest rises and falls as hebreathes.

Hux huffs, moving over to where Ren is laying in three longstrides as the weight of responsibility needles at him. He inspects Ren’s bodyfor a few more moments – his long black hair beaded with sweat and the way thathis t-shirt hugs his waist. He pokes Ren’s body with his toe, only getting agrunt in return. It’s something but not enough.

‘Come on Ren, you can’t sleep here,’ He grips Ren by theshoulders, trying to shake him awake. Ren’s eyes are glassy when they open,seeming to struggle to focus on Hux’s face.

‘Oh. Hi,’ Ren’s smile is soft and dopey, uneven dimplespunctuating his cheeks. All Hux can do is stare. He’s never seen Ren look likethis before. So soft and gentle like his singing voice that night. Super drunk.

‘Indeed. Now get up,’ he tries to keep his voice as even anduncaring as he can, as he begins to tug on Ren’s sleeve. Ren yields to his pressure begins to pull himself upwards on obviouslywobbly arms. As soon as he’s upright, weaving unsurely and gripping thehandrail for support, Hux steals himself

Ren is heavy. Notthat he should have expected anything else, Ren is huge. He struggles under theweight, worrying about throwing out his back as he shoulders Ren’s weight. Whata sight they must make Hux thinks, almost laughing. Hux in his soft pink dressinggown and Kylo loose-limbed and sweaty andvery, very drunk, grinning like a fool as they stumble towards Kylo’s flat.

Somehow Kylo managesto get his key out of his pocket and unlock his door. Hux tightens his grip onKylo’s shoulder and drags him inside, pushing the door closed behind them withhis foot. His eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the darkness in Kylo’s flat,but his hand goes straight to the light switch on impulse. The light flickerson and Hux can see that Kylo’s flat isindeed a mirror copy of his own, except messier and with more worn, more mismatchedfurniture.

He manhandles Kylo over to the couch that although large andworn doesn’t seem to have any particularly worrying stains. He’s not quite surewhat he expected – more filth, less care he supposes since Kylo never seems tocare about his own appearance too much.But no, the place is tidy. Almost too tidy. Thereare no little touches anywhere – knickknacks or family picture, nothingat all to say that Kylo Ren lives here. Kylo groans, mumbling something thatbreaks Hux out of his thoughts. He takes that as his queue to leave, turningtowards the door.

‘Hux,’ Kylo’s hand catches his own holding him in his place,‘Don’t leave.’ His voice has gone soft and when Hux looks up, catching Ren’seyes, he sees that they are wide. Pleading almost.

Something in him catches, like a thread beginning tounravel. All the feelings of loneliness, of distance spilling out of him. Hetries to keep his face in check, soften the lines of his mouth and brow, butsomething must show through because Kylo’s hand tightens around his own.

Even if he thinks this might be a bad idea, that he’sbreaking all of his carefully set out rules, he’s already too far gone. He’smade himself vulnerable, now he has to embrace it. He sits down on Ren’s sofaso close that they’re almost touching sothat he can feel the heat radiating off of Ren’s skin.

‘They were always there for me,’ Ren says suddenly, the slurin his voice has gone. ‘When they could be. They-they tried their best but Iwas too much. I was always too much,’ Ren’s face has fallen - the dopey smile gone. Hux misses it already.

‘The only one who knew, who I thought understood, was him,’the way Ren says it sends shivers down Hux’s spine, ‘but he… he made thingsworse. He told me to be angry, to… hurt them.’ Ren makes a sound like a sob Hux realises a nauseous feeling churning in his gut. What’s hesupposed to do, if Kylo Ren starting sobbing next to him? He doesn’t know whatto do – should he try and comfort him?

‘Without Rey, Iwould’ve had nobody, and now I haven’t even got her. She made me move out,’ Rencontinues, his voices shaking, ‘you’re the closest thing I have to-to… anythingand you don’t even like me.’

Hux thinks of his own father, of his own childhood, of acold house. Of expectations on his shoulders like a physical weight. Useless. Never going to amount to anything. Somethingbright is sparking in his chest, pain at the memory and something else at Ren’swords. Understanding perhaps.

The looks begin to make sense, the way they had kept bumpinginto each other. Hux realises that Ren isprobably just intensely awkward and lonely, instead of him purposely trying tobother Hux. Instead, he wanted somethingelse.

‘Its fine,’ he hears himself say, ‘I would… I would like… meand you…’

‘I really like you, Hux,’ Ren’s voice has gone soft again,sliding sideways on the couch until his head is resting on Hux’s shoulder inthe way only a drunk can get away with.

‘Yeah,’ Hux lets out his breath in one long exhale. But hedoesn’t push Ren away. He needs to tackle this when he’s more awake and Ren isless drunk. To pick apart the feeling in his chest.

‘Ren,’ he takes a deep breath and steps forward, towardsRen’s door, ‘uh Kylo that is.’ He feels a blush already blooming across histraitorous cheeks as Ren turns to look at him, his keys still clutched in hisoutstretched hand.

‘I uh,’ he swallows, trying to push past his embarrassment,‘baked you something. I thought we could share it.’ He holds the pie out infront of him as a peace offering.

Ren’s eyes move slowly from the pie up to Hux’s face. Hisexpression doesn’t change exactly but it seems to Hux as if it softensslightly.

‘Yeah, sure, uh,’ Ren turns back to his door, slipping thekey into the lock, ‘come in.’

Prompts here!

#kylux #kylo ren #general hux #armitage hux #kylux fic #hux #fic #ezri.txt #sorry this sucks #and is extremely thin on actual kylux #it was super fun to write though #i really want to try and improve my writing

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 6 years

Text

I dont want anyone co-opting this to shit on the devs or w/e. Ppl like to insult them saying they dont know how to write a story while blatantly ignoring established characterization or exposition.

However for the sake of the asshole people who say putting in explicitely gay characters is a unneeded segue , that Warcraft isnt about romance. and to the BIGGER assholes who shut down the conversations because they try to be moderates about it.

an exerpt from Before the Storm*

“She looked up at him for a moment, stepping closer. Now he could see her eyes catching the moonlight. He had missed her. Would miss her. He had a terrible feeling they would’nt see each other again, and he hoped he was wrong.

Jaina let go of his hands, but only to bring hers up to cup his face. She stood on her toes as he bent. Their lips met-so familiar, so sweet, in a kiss so tender that it shook kalec to his core. Jaina...”

He wanted to kiss her forever. But all too soon, that precious warmth pulled back. he swallowed hard.

“Good-bye, Kalec,” she whispered, and now he saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“farewell, Jaina. I hope you find what you seek”

She gave him a tremulous smile, then retreated a few paces. Magic swirled as she conjured a portal. She stepped into it and was gone

Farewell, beloved. “

SO NOW THAT THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY EVERY HOMOPHOBIC ASS HOLE OR GATEKEEPING MODERATE CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER ABOUT PUTTING ROMANCE AND SEXUALITY IN WARCRAFT STORY SINCE ITS LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYWHERE. HALF THE MAIN CAST OF NPCS ARE MARRIED, MOTIVATED BY A LOST LOVE AND/OR HAVE KIDS. HETERO ROMANCE IS LITERALLY EVERYWERE SO STOP BEING A CRAWFISH AND ACTING LIKE ITS NOT

*and again, anyone trying to use this post to shit on this book and current blizzard writing, there are dozens of other examples. Varian and Tiffen being a major plot point, Chen and his romance in Shadows of the Horde, Sylvannas and Nathanos, Vareesa, Turalyon and Allerica, Tyrande and Malfurion, ect ect ect. This is just an example that i had on hand as i was reading

p.s. just to be clear yes heterosexual/romantic relationships can exist between bisexual or ace ppl and others or between them and a straight person, however due to the cultural context of the culture (our culture) that the writers and developers exist in its blatant that WoW is ‘All straight, unless they are some dead lesbians in a legion zone”. There is nothing wrong with RETAKING the lore away from the devs to fulfill ones needs in a world that pretends we dont exist, but we have to be careful not to give companies credit for our headcanons/interpretations

(i for one think Varian in wrath is poorly written but his nihilistic dispair makes more sense if he and Bolvar were in a relationship, as the LAST time his lover (Tiffen) died he ALSO went into a dispair spiral)

#world of warcraft #battle for azeroth #lgbtq #lgbt #representation #Blizzard Entertainment #wow

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dauntless-dragayn · 6 years

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Life is Strange fanfiction: All Wounds

HEY ALL, somethin different for today. I will honestly say I don't read tons of fanfic, call me picky or just, see the truth as being i don't have much spare time to read, period so I've never reviewed one. BUT. I really want to call attention to one this time, and what better way to do that then by helping out the author with a review? I don't think people realize how much criticism is worth to writers, even taking the time to type out something small is great. (quick note: this review contains spoilers for Lis and BtS. spoilers for the fic itself will be left to the end) All Wounds by @destiny-smasher is a fic taking place in the Life is Strange universe, almost directly after the 'bae' ending. Throughout, it switches between Max and Chloe's PoVs, however Max is still the main protagonist here. But this is no fluffy feel-good fic (though there is some spots of fluff here and there) it's real and it's painful. It deals with the trauma and emotions that have built up in these women over that fateful week, even their teenage years - stuff that doesn't just magically disappear after the climax. That premise hooked me, because the kind of nitty gritty that often gets ignored in the fandom is exactly what tends to interest me. It actually (minor spoiler!) timeskips after a bit to when they're adults, and when things finally start crashing around their heads .. again. I will say outright, this isn't for the faint of hearted. It's lonnnng, at 3.5 k words, which rivals many novels!! And it deals with PTSD, mental illness, suicidal ideation, and even a certain amount of psychological horror. Themes present in both games definitely come up again. And no, Max and Chloe's relationship isn't without its bumps. Or rather catastrophic crashes. Don't worry, it'll hurt you but patch those wounds up, by the end. see what i did there Truthfully, I tried to read it in a RIDICULOUSLY short time frame for Reasons™ (unrelating to the piece) but just could not. I would continuously find myself compelled to slow down, sink into each sentence, into Max’s head or Chloe’s frustrations. I was living in their world more than mine for a few days. It was great - a piece of fresh writing hasn’t done that to me in a while. I highly recommend taking the time to appreciate this story; it’s ups and downs, romance and time fuckery. If you loved Life is Strange (duh) there’s little reason you wouldn’t love this, too. You can absolutely tell that this is a project woven together of heart and struggle. Art is never easy when you truly care about the outcome and the fact that this took years of the creator's time and attention stuns me. She did all that mind you, for FREE. Not for publishing, not for profit, not for fame. For a fandom she cares about. Serious writing for fandom is tough, because frankly it's not the easiest medium to sell (sell being used nonliterally here of course, and also, this applies outside of fandom too, just especially so in it) I have an INCREDIBLE amount of admiration for creators like her who dive into these characters they love - but did not create! developing them further, taking them in new directions or continuing them on paths they were already set on - and write novel length stories or comics for absolutely nothing. You have thoroughly earned my respect. That’s not to say it’s flawless! Nothing ever is, psh. I do have criticisms here and there, but with those I’ll be more specific, which means they’ll be put under the cut. This is mostly for Destiny-Smasher’s sake, since she is in the process of turning the fic into a visual novel! I’ve read the first few chapters of that too, it’s a cool adaption. So yeah, if ya haven’t read it, please stop here. (Also before you go, check out her girlfriend’s art, I’m in love with that too!!)

SPOILERS BEYOND

Some of these tend to be on the side of minor and nitpicky, I feel, but I'll still go into them. Not trying to be annoying !

Okay so OBVIOUSLY the repetitiveness of certain scenes or conversations was purposeful, and a big part of how you told this story. And that's GREAT I think you used that unusual element well, certainly paying attention to details. There were some times when it felt repetitive in the wrong places though I think, and I guess I mostly mean some conversations. Or sometimes rather than being repetitive they just felt unnecessary as a whole. If I'm remembering correctly sorry its been a little while by now the conversation between Chloe and Steph in the diner before Chloe realizes she can rewind time now felt like that - just unneeded, like if you had cut or shortened it nothing would be lost. I can't think of any more examples right now, but maybe just keep that in mind? In general there are definitely a few filler scenes but I hesitate to condemn that because like I said, this world really breaths and feels genuine, and I think those are part of why. The addition of quotes and especially linked songs was an awesome touch I thought, since ya don't normally get auditory nods like that in writing. There were a few times it broke my immersion but for the most part it was a very appealing layer to your storytelling, so I look forward to seeing that carried out with the adaption. One thing I didn't like much in general were Chloe's pirate dreams in the second half. I understand that there were some important nods and revelations about what was going on in her psyche, not to mention the role of dream weaving being hinted at, but for the most part they just left me pretty confused. As far as inconsistencies, I know you were worried about that, but I really think you're fine? Like other than the stuff involving Before the Storm and what that revealed/changed (which you can't be blamed for because this story was written over yEARS) there was nothing major that I noticed. And considering the utter insanity of the timelines n shit, I'm seriously in awe you kept it relatively smooth. I have a HUGLY less complicated story in the works (no time travel) and I still managed to fuck up the timeline. Moving on. :') I’m embarrassingly forgetful, and that’s all my initial notes on the subject had to say, so I may be missing some things? But yeah, I honestly don’t have much in the negative to say. So let’s talk about THE plot twist. Yes that one. I remember around, chapter 16.4, the idea piecing together in my mind .. the title of the chapter, her behavior, speaking patterns, the fact that yes, this wasn’t a deviation like any of the others, it was in fact the canon divergence of timeline.... hoLY CRAP ITS OTHER MAX SHES REAL AND - yeah I fangirled a bit. (I was freaking so badly about my theory that I was so sure had to be true - and I was right, heh - that I tried to explain it to my dad. Who, FYI, has minimal knowledge on Life is Strange’s plot, and no hope of understanding the convoluted details of the fic thus far. I finally gave up and went back to reading while squealing excitedly over it in my head. And then I shut up because things got dark) Just, gods, the details! That was the most satisfying fucking feeling, seeing all these seemingly little or random things come to be crucial. Things like Max clinging to her reality with the wedding bands on her finger, or like Other Max’s particular personality, from being aggressive and upfront more than Max has ever been, to her freaking sexual behavior. Her having red streaks in her hair to represent both sides to her, the cover of the fic and the visual novel not being a symbolic picture but an actual look at the End of Time and Other Max!! Her falling in love with Stella was definitely a curveball I did not expect, and admittedly I was pRETTY weirded out. Cuz like.. she's engaged to Chloe in the other timeline, and obviously I ship them over anyone else.. I'm not complaining! Just, a very fresh take on Stella and their relationship. Speaking of- it did seem a little strange to me that, after the awkward start to their dating and the mention of how it was going right after, that it never came up again. Obviously things got cut short, but, how was it really working? Did Stella turn out to actually be gay? I interpreted that she was doing it out of a sort of obligation and platonic love for Max, and that she was 1000% straight. Maybe you left that open on purpose? It seemed coded that way, though.. All in all I loved what you did with Other Max. She was an edge of a concept in Life is Strange, in that confrontation scene after the nightmare of episode five - which I loved for its implications - and you took that and RAN with it. So I go in thinking "okay. she's a more literal form of this mental battle Max faces, made so much worse by death shes surrounded by after the storm" And for a while that holds up.. Max finds herself moving on, as a teenager, with Chloe's pushing, and things get better for a while. Great!! Woohoo! Except .. the past will always find you .. especially when that past is yourself ... and not even time travel can keep it away forever. That's the shit you don't see delved into. This power is like, a drug. A limb she's gotten used to and relies on as much as any other. I've never believed she would just, drop it. Does it go away when the storm hits / chloe dies? Maybe, I always thought. But that's so convenient. And without an explanation for why it showed up, we have no basis for why it would go away. And why not use it, Max convinces herself. ‘I must still have the power for a reason.’ Maybe so, and you've certainly grown, Caulfield, but you are still avoiding consequences. You are still a god amongst mortals, but guess what? That immortal facade can only be contained by a human body for so long. Things start crumbling, and as a reader you see the inevitability of all, feel the hopelessness. She's keeping things from Chloe, BIG fucking things, and I want to reach over and grab her by the shoulder and shake her. "CHLOE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS MINDFUCKED" I literally couldn't breath for a minute when I realized the implications of the car crash scene, where Max says she's been regularly getting lost in time for months. But, no biggie. Quick weed, call, and you’re right back where you should be. Right? Just wipe the blood off your face, no one will notice. Damn. Anyway, enough about that. Remember earlier, when I said 'psychological horror'? Truthfully I don't know if that's the right word for it, or even if its a real thing. But whatever it is, I live for it. People's mind are their own worst enemies, and that bit is ultimately and personally relatable. Max is constantly arguing with herself. But this time, the nightmare - mine, and hers - is creeping into real life. The Other is ripping control from her shaky hands. Its twisting her into someone she never wanted to be - a literal worst version of herself, and, we find out - a real version, just from a different timeline. A broken one. A nonhuman one .. or that's what she says. But as we see this Other raise her voice, and read on in bafflement alongside Max, we get to see that her intentions, aren't necessarily evil. Has she done evil things? Yes. Did Max see her as evil? Yes, and even Chloe did for a while. But the big question I found myself asking, and Chloe eventually challenging is.. is the Other.. still Max? Is the worst reality, the worst view in the mirror, still us? All Wounds says yes. But not to give up hope, far from it - instead that we MUST confront these self made demons, we MUST accept these wounds for them to ever heal. While spurred by a morality grounding near-death experience, that last fight at the End of Time - while a supernatural slew of symbolism, time travel, and dreamscapes - also sung to me of reality. That's what the best fantastical fiction is. Amazing.

To top it all off, the ending chapter was perfect. I'm not gonna lie, I teared up a bit. It felt right, and more importantly, real. Not some overdone fictional fanservice crap. But still the happy ending these women MORE than earned. Through it all, the exploration of characters who didn't probably get what they deserved in LiS (I'm thinking about Victoria, but also Stella and even Joyce..) was really satisfying and ultimately shifted my perception of them.

Honestly, there are so many quotable moments throughout this thing. (I have a ton of screenshots of some on my phone, actually.) But I'll go with .. "You Power isn't what makes you special, Max. Stop worrying about fixing. Focus on being. Yes, even those parts. That's all in the past. All I care about now is the future. And I want to share that future with you."

-Chloe

What you called experimental bullshit, I applaud. So.. Thanks for writing All Wounds.

#Life is Strange #Max Caulfield #Chloe Price #Pricefield #LiS #Life is Strange fanfiction #LiS fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic review #fanfic rec #fanfic reccomendation #All Wounds #destiny-smasher #Before the Storm #my post #ThisDragonisNerdy #hey i had some formatting issues while copying this over to tumblr so uh.. lemme know if thats still an issue!

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roadtripsinspace-blog · 6 years

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Do we need "Love, Simon?" TIME says, "nah, bro."

I was reading the TIME article that attracted all this controversy over Love, Simon and I'm not gonna lie, some solid points were made. I agree in that there look to be some tropes and cliches, and that the trailer feels it will be a more juvenile film compared to, say, the pedophilic wonder Call Me By Your Name (I joke...sorta) -- but I don't think we can really compare the receptions from both films (CMBYN winning an Oscar and LS getting this [insert adjective that sounds nicer than "shitty" here bc I'm trying to be civil...] Time article) because, as Time itself points out, the two movies were made for different audiences in mind. And isn't that the whole point?

This was the headline^ I'm not saying YA movies/shows, etc., have to be unintelligently written. Many are intriguing, layered and that's why so many rent-paying adults are still toting Harry Potter scarves and arguing about which House is better (Ravenclaw btw, fight me) -- because YA material can engage all ages. But yes, a lot of YA can also be straightforward (hah there's a pun lurking there somewhere) and one-dimensional, it happens. But if Time's point was that the movie didn't do its subject matter justice due to the fact it was a "flat rom-com," that's kind of very much bullshit since it never pretended to be some sort of genius plot to begin with. Like if the movie sucks (which imo it doesn't look horrible but I can see where the tropey tropes might come in) then that's too bad, but how does that have anything to do with whether or not it tried to carry a message that people can still take something away from? I mean when did bringing the LGBTQ+ genre to the big screens suddenly mean one had to produce amazing work in order to justify a gay character being the lead? If the plot was bad bc it did not try to send this message, then yes something would be wrong here but clearly that's not what's happening. The message is clear. Everyone deserves love. Two seconds into the trailer and bam. I already know. You don't gotta be a Ravenclaw to see the message (still best House tho, not backing down). It might not be done cleverly, idk, but the movie's not muddling that message in general no matter how trope-tastic it is. People who thought Twilight was dumb didn't conclude that oh, hey, since this ex-Cedric-Diggory fellow was one-dimensional and the romance was unconvincing, that must mean the efforts to portray straight people finding love on screen for all to see is "unneeded."

In fact, I'd actually be sort of glad if Love, Simon ended up being a "flat rom-com." Hooray! The LGBTQ+ community should be able to have the luxury of making both generic entertainment AND more, idk, Oscary Oscar entertainment (the voting process for that makes it a debateable standard anyway). That would be a hallmark moment: Gay characters can star in shitty movies too, folks. Just like straight leads. How does that put down the LGBTQ+ movement in any way? Why do all works that have homosexuality as a topic HAVE to be "good" in order to be something that exists? Can't the producer/director/cast just try their best to be passionate about what they make and hopefully entertain some people along the way?

But what IRKED me the most was this quote from the article:

"But those kids who were met with support when they came out are probably too sophisticated for Love, Simon–so much so that its vision of how good it feels for a masculine, traditionally attractive bro to receive encouragement might not resonate at all."

Firstly, 'bro'? Art thy not Time? What's with this colloquial language? Did I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr rant such as my own? For fuck's sake?

Secondly, I get the criticism of Simon potentially being like a stereotypical white dude, but idk if I'd agree that it's this huge horrible thing. I'm not white but I don't feel offended? It doesn't seem like a racist move, in my opinion anyway, I mean whatever someone's ethnicity is they would have a story to tell in this situation and that's what the movie is about. Everyone equal and deserving love.

Thirdly, how does a KID being met with support when coming out mean they are suddenly too mature to handle a movie that represents something that happened to them? Oh shit maybe THAT is why I like Harry Potter! Because I haven't been told "yer a wizard!" It makes so much sense now, only things that I haven't had to handle should grace my TV screens -- so fuck off, all movies starring straight people! If I've seen one man kiss a woman, I've seen em all! Can't learn anything new I guess!

So basically what TIME is saying is that because Simon wasn't oppressed but instead had a healthy, positive coming out experience, the movie was unnecessary. Uh, what? BY THE WAY, Time also argues that the movie isn't relateable because in the parts of Simon's life that ARE indeed making it hard for him to come out, it seems like he's facing an outdated problem. So make up your mind please, Time. Is the movie a waste because it is too kind on Simon or too harsh? Oh, what's that you say? Matters are actually complicated and struggles are not able to be easily dismissed as "over now"? There we go...

Anyway -- not all coming out experiences are the same or laced with tragedy, so why does Simon have to be SAD and DOWN in a movie like this? You sadistic Time writer you? I get it, okay, Time wants to be MOVED, they paid good money on their box of tissues but again, Time already agreed that this is a YA movie. If it wants to be simple, why is that bad? And isn't it good, to not only let others who had a similar coming out experience know that they are just as legitimately a part of the LGBTQ+ community even if they had a calm coming out experience, but also to show audience members an example of how to positively and encouragingly converse with someone who is trying to tell you they are gay and/or any other kinds of things they would want to share with loved ones? Would Time rather ask the YA demographic to watch something gruesome and dark like a beating or some shit? Are the people at Time also those people who are so uptight about violent video games influencing their children yet somehow believe portraying how NOT to handle someone coming out is a good idea, and the only way to give meaning to a story about a gay male lead?

I just don't understand why the article had to make Love, Simon seem like it was this waste of an idea/hard work/money/excitement simply because it happened to be exactly what it said it would be, a YA movie. I don't understand why Time made it sound like the only way hype about a gay male lead would be allowed is if Interstellar happened again but like instead of Matthew McConnaughey trying to find his way back home to save his daughter, spewing copious amounts of philosophy and space jargon as he did so, he was now trying to reunite with his gay lover or some shit. (Actually, now that I say it aloud, I really need to watch that. Please someone make it happen. We can start a petition or something. Matt is a generous guy, I feel it in my soul.) And yeah I'd probably enjoy that movie more than Love, Simon because looking at the trailer, if I may take a moment to pre-judge the movie, it does so far seem to have the setup of a cheesy rom com for young teens. So? That doesn't mean it's some kind of setback for the LGBTQ+ movement. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

Also this has nothing to do with the rant but I thought it was pretty cool:

(found on instagram)

#love simon #love simon movie #time magazine #harry potter #ravenclaw #twilight #the hunger games #sorry for the rant #but like #lgbtq love

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hogwarts-houses-as · 7 years

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Studying Angels

AUTHORS NOTE: heyy. This is what ive written of the book so far. I hope you enjoy. Criticism is accepted but don’t be a dick. Oh and I’m in slytherin btw- Sara

Tw: social anxiety, depersonalisation and mild swearing

Amy’s notes- oh, not bad at all! I’ll give you 15 points for it, bringing slytherin up to 761

It’s seems stupid to think that we know everything. Geniuses are only seen as superior because they have the confidence to say what people really think and fools aren’t taken seriously because they screwed up one situation and they’ve never been able to dig out of the humiliation. And we call this ‘normal.’ We occupy 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000003% of the known universe (not counting parallel/outer universes) and we oh-so humbly named ourselves “Wise man.” Absolutely insane.

Chapter 1 I can strongly assure you that I dislike isolation. I can also assure you that the prospect of fucking up an interaction with another human being terrifies me even more. That’s the reason that the only people I’ve spoken to in 18 days are my professors and Siri. Social phobia is a dreadful thing. Now, a thing that I’ve learned recently is that a book makes a perfect shield for any extroverts that may want to approach but it isn’t always 100% affective – after all, what is? “Good afternoon ma'am. Do you mind if I sit with you? It’s just that every other place is taken.” Piped up an innocently seeming peer at Cambridge University (or as I like to call them 'victims of level 7 of hell’). She almost seemed too normal but I just put it down to the fact that my brain was completely fucked 98% of the time. She was incredibly pale but had a certain radiance that made her look more human. The gorgeously freckled kind of pale. Light auburn hair streamed just past her shoulders while dazzling azure eyes shone softly against the punkish attire she sported. Ripped jeans, a baggy black t-shirt, heavy-duty doc martens and a plaid shirt thrown over her shoulders. Meanwhile, I looked like a gender-warped David Mitchell. Nerdy and awkward with the sex appeal of the average road accident. “So,” She started, somehow pulling me from my book as she sipped her latte, “What are you studying here?” “Sociology. Because I like finding out exactly how screwed humanity is.” I replied reluctantly. She laughed. She laughed at my sarcasm and not being absolutely horrified at it. Interaction isn’t that bad. Or it could be just her. Screw it. “Same.” She said through giggles, “So are most of my roommates -the absolute nightmares. The block of dorms I’m in are under repair so, me and 12 other lunatics are all crashing on the same sofa which isn’t exactly the best of experiences. At least it’s free though.” I smiled at her dry humour. A thought sprang to mind. No, I’m completely forgetting myself. Is that a terrible thing? Well, it’s too forward… you know what? Fuck the anxiety. “Well, if you like, you could maybe chill at my place.” I never wish to say that phrase ever again in this life or the next, “The college gave me no roommates for, uh, reasons,” Wow. Good job I totally don’t sound suspicious, “Therefore I’ve got a spare bedroom. Obviously, you don’t-” “That sounds lovely, actually.” Two fingers to you, anxiety. “If I could just get your number then I’ll be around as soon as possible. Oh, I’m Louise by the way.” She said, stretching out a hand. “I’m Sam,” I replied, at once shaking said hand, “T'was a pleasure doing business with you.” She chuckled with me. “You too. I’ll see ya then.” “See ya.” What the bloody hell is wrong with me? It’s as if I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances. Holy shit I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances.

Chapter 2 “Good morning.” She greeted through yawns, her hair scraped into a messy bun. She hadn’t come back last night until about 2am most probably because of some party that I wasn’t invited to. I’m not complaining because if I was mentally able enough to have a social life then I certainly wouldn’t invite an obstinate prick who is trapped in their own brain and hasn’t felt reality in 8 months. “'Morning. You slept well?” I asked as I tried to hide the fact I was downing the handful of pills that were needed to keep me sane. Key words here being 'kind of’ and 'attempting.’ “Yeah thanks.” Her gentle stare met mine and her face dropped. Oh god, “What are they?” She inquired, pointing at the packets upon packets in the metal case next to me. “Umm, they’re, um, they’re-” Come on brain, you can think up seventeen thousand ways a situation can go wrong but you can’t think of one excuse to what these pills are. “Anti-depressants, derealisation meds and 4 kinds of anxiety meds, Jesus Christ Sam!” She exclaimed rummaging through the case. “Look, it’s nothing, really. I just need… I just need to knock some systems into…into place. I’ve…I’ve got to go.” I scampered out of my dorm room. I fled…like an absolute coward. “You fucking coward, you twat, Sam.” I mumble to myself as I start pacing up and down the corridors because everything else is going downhill and everybody else thinks that I’m insane what’s the point in caring. Something grabs my arm. Oh god she thinks I’m pathetic. She could be one of them idiots who thinks that you can control mental health because it’s all in your head. The nice ones are always idiots. “Look, this connects so many dots an-” “Oh yeah, it makes so much sense that I’m clinically insane. Thanks.” Her face softens with an expression that I hadn’t seen in a long while. “It just explains why people stereotype you in such a way. They don’t understand what’s up. And I know we aren’t that close but, but I think I can help you.” I turned around, just feeling like a huge, overreacting oaf. “Thanks, Louise. I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” I said sheepishly. I’ve known her for a day and she already must deal with a chemically imbalanced nightmare “Don’t worry mate. Shit’ll be okay.” She assured with a smile. Well, I’m truly screwed now, aren’t I? Chapter 3 “Every stereotype is stupid unless the people or person that you are talking about has been proven to conform to that stereotype. But then that’s not a stereotype, it’s a fact.” Louise ranted as we strolled towards our sociology class. “Yeah. It’s one of those things that everybody thinks is normal even though it’s just a paradox wrapped in an enigma wrapped in generations of unneeded acceptance.” Wow. I don’t sound like a nerd at all, “I understand that the social contract theory has to be followed unless you wish to live like an animal without a society but I still don’t get why how you’re born should define what you should or need to do. It’s just utterly bizarre.“ I uttered as we set down our bags in our classroom. The room was surprisingly real. Almost too real to be real. I assumed that my DPDR was beginning to thrive again.

Now, you probably don’t know what DPDR is but I can assure you that you have most probably experienced it. It’s the constant feeling of unreality. A neurological limbo where you can’t tell if you’re conscious or not. An odd phase where dreams feel more like reality than reality and your brain starts flurrying with 'perhaps I’m already dead and this is what they meant when they said that your life flashes before your eyes’. You begin to forget what it’s like to be in the real world. You can’t remember what it’s like to properly focus on the bird chirping in the morning or tea seeping down your esophagus at 3am on a cold Saturday or soft carpet nuzzling against your feet when you finally get up in the morning or the delight of going to see a film with a close friend and laughing over the Scottish character who exclaims "oh my dear lord” at the site of explosions or the delightfully beautiful way the close friend laughed as their eyes lit up in a sense that settled you with a feeling that could only be described as 'you give me comfort in the best kind of way and I hope that we stay friends until we’re draped with suits in coffins’ …or even smiling because you want to rather than because your brain says that something is nice. It’s depressing to think that I may never be able to be in those moments ever again. Its brutally petrifying.

But I’ll stop rambling now.

As we started escaping to different universes (hers was the land of whatever music she listened to whereas mine was the harry potter universe) a plethora of seemingly drunk students came into the classroom in a way that could only be described as 'falling’.

“Did they actually come into class hammered?” I muttered disapprovingly to Louise.

“No,” She stammered with a chuckle, “They’re just the clumsy ones. The nerds.”

“They’re the nerds? Well, doesn’t that out me at an odd point in the Uni hierarchy.

"Who has a good place in any kind of hierarchy? The concept of a hierarchy was made by our society to make you feel that you will never be good enough.” She mumbled, scrolling through albums worth of my chemical romance’s discography.

“I’ve heard that 'mama’ is a pretty good song. And an opening line of 'mama we all go to hell’ says more about Gerard than any other words ever could.” I uttered as I lazily through my tatty book into my rucksack, only to resurface and find Louise staring at me with a confused but impressed look on her face. “What?”

“It’s just that you don’t look like the typical MCR fan.”

“What do I look like then? A stereotypical Dad who thinks that Lionel Richie is the king of the music industry?” I uttered through giggles as out sociology teacher (Mr Bennet) waltzed in.

“Good morning.” He greeted in his amazingly fed-up way, throwing down his bag. “Right as per usual, let’s get on with the debate. Anybody have a controversial subject that they’re afraid they have opinions on that are ever so slightly different to everybody else’s?” He asked like he was one more sleepless night away from a straight-jacket.

Now, I haven’t raised my hand in class since the social anxiety disorder kicked in but for some reason, almost as if I was possessed, my hand shot up.

“Sam.” Bennet said as he gave a vague nod in my direction, thoroughly shocked at my participation.

“The 2016 election in America.”

(Hope you enjoyed that :))

#house cup #submission

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mustangtaisa · 7 years

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Lost in a Reverie - Chapter 6

Pairing: RoyxRiza Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance Word Count: 2956 Summary: Riza is injured in a car accident with Roy. After almost losing each other, they attempt, and fail, to return to the way things were between them, but things aren’t exactly what they seem.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

This is also posted on Fanfiction.Net and AO3.

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(There are major spoilers in the very first sentence here so I’m putting this all under a cut so the story isn’t ruined for anyone that hasn’t read the other chapters yet. Seriously, don’t click on this until you’ve at least read Chapter 5.)

A coma? She had been in a coma all this time? So everything she experienced had been dream? It was hard to believe. For a dream, it all felt so real.

“I… I don’t understand.”

Roy opened his mouth to explain, but the doctors and nurses bustled into the room then, responding to Roy’s shouts from earlier. The doctors ran some tests on Riza, checked her up to make sure everything was okay, and confirmed that she would recover just fine. Eventually, they left Riza alone with Roy again, but not before reminding him that visiting hours were up in a while and he needed to leave this time. They weren’t making any more exceptions for him. They had already allowed him to stay with her all night twice.

When they were gone, Riza went straight back to asking questions.

“Sir, please tell me everything. I just… I’m finding this all so difficult to wrap my head around.”

Roy sighed. He didn’t want to have to relive any of it, but he would do it. For her.

“You were unresponsive when I pulled you from the car. I called out to you over and over, shook you, but nothing helped. I was so scared… I…” His voice cracked and he paused to clear his throat. “Thankfully Fuery witnessed the accident from the building he was stationed in and called for backup and an ambulance. They got you to the hospital pretty quickly and ran tests right away, but there were… complications they initially missed and they didn’t realize that until a few days later. You… uh, you’re,” Roy had trouble continuing. Whatever happened had affected him that much? Finally he composed himself, found the right words and went on with his explanation. “An artery burst in your brain and you went into cardiac arrest.” He raked his hands through his hair, looking like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. “I thought it was over. I thought I’d lost you, but they managed to repair the damage and stabilize your condition. You’re lucky we were in Central. The doctors here are the best in the country and you might not have made it if we were anywhere else... I was with you as often as I could be. They even let me stay all night with you twice. I mean, I had to pull rank and call in favors to do it, but I wanted to be here if you woke.”

Riza took all of this in and nodded slowly. She thought back to her dreams, connecting it all with what Roy just told her. How strange things kept happening. How her head hurt so much so often, how her heart beat erratically at strange times. The women she didn’t recognize must have been the nurses coming in to check on her. Roy was with her all the time so that’s why she dreamt of him the most. She realized now why Roy pushed her hair out of her face so often in her dream, his suddenly being right next to her and whispering in her ear when she was sure he had been far away. The way he spoke to her, as if pleading with her.

”Please, don’t leave me.”

“I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Have you seen the way Colonel Mustang looks at her?”

“He’s near her all the time.”

The things he said to her, the things she heard others say, suddenly came back to her.

It all made sense now.

Riza reached out and placed her hand gently on his. He looked up at her again and she could see the torment behind his eyes. She almost died right in front of him, not once, but twice in under two weeks. And he had been the one driving. He must have been blaming himself. If that was the case, his reaction was understandable. But she needed him to know that she didn’t blame him, no matter how much he blamed himself.

“Colonel,” she said, speaking softly but firmly. “This was not your fault. Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing if I had been driving. That crime boss is to blame. He would have hit us even if I was driving and you would be the one in this bed... Speaking of, did you manage to catch them?”

Oddly enough, Riza mused, this conversation was going almost exactly like the one in her dream.

“They were all injured in the accident and couldn’t escape. They’re behind bars as we speak.”

That was different, thankfully. Riza nodded.

“Good. See? They’ve been punished for this. I’m alive, they’re in jail. Everything worked out in the end.”

She was trying to be optimistic for him. He was still hurting and the look on his face made her heart ache. Taking a deep breath, she mulled over the idea of telling him about her dream. She figured it would be a good distraction.

“When I was… in that coma,” Riza began, choosing her words carefully. “I dreamed.”

That got Roy’s attention.

“Oh?

“Yes. In my dream, I woke up in the hospital and you were there. When they finally let me leave, you took me home. You… um, we... “ Riza almost blushed as she realized she was going to have to tell him about how they confessed their feelings for each other and their want to be together. She was sure he already knew how she felt, but to speak it out loud was something they had never done. It made her suddenly nervous. She decided to go on, but leave out some of the unneeded details, though she was worried his imagination would be worse. “We discussed our relationship. How we wanted things to be different. After almost losing me, you wanted us to be together in a more… romantic fashion.”

Roy grinned at that, sufficiently distracted from everything else.

“Oh really? My, Lieutenant, I didn’t know you fantasized about me like that.”

Riza sighed. There it was, his ego pushing its way to the forefront. At least he wasn’t thinking about her dying anymore. She hit his arm playfully, ignoring his ridiculous smouldering look. His typical forms of flirting would not work on her.

“Anyway, we agreed to see each other in secret. But it didn’t last long. On the very first day there were rumors about us and only a few days later General Hakuro sent one of his secretaries to spy on us. She got a picture of us, um, together and showed it to Hakuro. He made a deal with us that if I agreed to transfer, he wouldn’t tell the fuhrer about us. I accepted. I couldn’t let our mistake affect your career.”

“Mistake?” Riza paused in her story when Roy spoke. He was hurt that she would think being with him was a mistake, even if it hadn’t actually been real. “You… really think it was a mistake to be together like that?”

“I… In this case, yes. So many bad things happened because of it. If we had just continued on as we were you wouldn’t have…” Memories of his funeral in her dream rushed back to her and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“I wouldn’t have…?”

“Sir, you… They transferred me to Briggs and without me there to protect you, you were shot and killed by that Cretan mafia boss. So yes, it was a mistake.”

Roy frowned. Did she really think he was so incompetent that he couldn’t take care of himself without her? That he would get himself killed without her protecting him?

“It sounds like your dream version of us weren’t very bright, though, especially me. I wouldn’t have been killed that easily. And getting caught right away? Please. We’re better than that.”

Riza sighed. He could see she was upset about her dream and he was trying to divert her attention. It worked.

“Anyway,” she continued with her story. “The whole thing was surprisingly linear… Though it became fragmented at the end, I guess because I was waking up.” She refrained from telling him the actual part of her dream that woke her. He would be angry to know she would even think of throwing away her life like that, even if it was just a dream.

Roy leaned back in his chair and mulled over everything she relayed to him about her dream. What an odd subject for her to dream about. He figured it must have been a result of the conversation they’d had in the car before the accident.

The main question, though, was why that scenario in her dream specifically played out the way it did. Was all of it a result of her actual fears should anything like that happen between them? Did she really think that starting a relationship would end in her being transferred and him being killed? It was ridiculous to him. They were too smart to be caught. And hell, Grumman made it clear that he supported them. Even if they did get caught, there was no way anything so drastic would happen, Roy was sure of it. Unless, of course, the fuhrer caught wind of it, but that was highly unlikely. Why would the fuhrer take an interest in two random soldiers from out East?

Roy had loved Riza since shortly after they began working together in East City. He was sure she knew how he felt and he always felt like she reciprocated those feelings, but they never discussed the subject. Did her acceptance of a relationship in her dream mean she really did feel the same way about him? The thought made him happier than he’d been in a long time. It gave him ideas and the confidence to act on those ideas. If he asked her to be with him, just like in her dream, would she accept? Or would her dream scenario affect her answer?

Asking her would have to wait though. One of the nurses came in and informed Roy that visiting hours were up. He put on his most charming smile, but even though the woman blushed, she still made him leave.

He reluctantly got up, promising Riza he’d be back as soon as he could. She smiled.

“I’ll be fine, sir. Now go home.”

The nurse shooed him out and he looked back to Riza just as he walked out the door.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Riza rolled her eyes.

“You said that, sir,” she sighed as the nurse pushed him out the door.

It’s not like she was going anywhere.

No more than an hour and a half later, Roy stood outside the hospital. No longer dressed in his uniform, he sported his black coat over dark slacks and a white button-up. He stood at a dimly lit corner of the building where it wouldn’t be easy for anyone to spot him, especially dressed in such dark clothes.

Some may have called him insane for the plan he was about to put into action, but he couldn’t bear to be apart from Riza while she was injured because of him, especially now that she was awake. The dream she spoke of gave him a lot to think about. There was so much that had gone unsaid in the years they’d been together and he wanted that to change. He wouldn’t discuss it until she was released, though. Trapping her into talking about things while she was stuck in a hospital bed was unfair.

Glancing about to make sure there was no one around, he found a foothold in one of the bricks jutting out from the building and began his ascent, scaling the outer wall of the hospital toward an open window that appeared to lead to the stairwell. He would certainly get into trouble if he were spotted, but he was sure he could sweet talk and weasel his way out of anything so he wasn’t too concerned.

The climb to the second floor window wasn’t very difficult, though he almost slipped a couple of times. He climbed into the open window and fell gracelessly on the stairs inside. A few choice words were uttered as he stood, rubbing his head as he looked around. Riza was just one floor up and down the hall. He’d have to be quick and silent if he wanted to make it to her without being spotted.

Riza was still awake when the door to her room creaked open and Roy hurried inside, closing the door as quietly as possible behind him.

“Colonel? What on earth are you doing here?”

Roy spun around when he heard her voice. He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

“I uh, wanted to stay with you, so I snuck in.”

“How could you have possibly managed that?”

“I, um, well, I climbed up the wall and got in through an open window.”

“You what? Sir, that is the most reckless and extremely dangerous--”

“I know, I know,” Roy cut her off, flopping into the chair he had occupied earlier. “I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again, but I… I needed to see you.”

Riza blinked at him incredulously.

“You just saw me an hour ago.”

I know,” Roy sighed. “But now that you’re awake… It’s been two weeks, Lieutenant. In that time, I was worried sick. And I missed you. Just let me have this.”

Riza sighed, leaning back against the pillows, though Roy caught the smile threatening to curve her perfect lips. His antics had managed to cheer her up to some degree and he was glad he decided to go through with his plan.

“Fine. But if the nurses yell at you and kick you out, I’m not going to stop them.”

Roy grinned.

“I know. Nor would I expect you to.”

000000

Two days after his stunt at the hospital, -which, he was never caught for, much to his delight- Riza was released from the hospital. Just like in her dream, Roy picked her up. Only it was with his own car, repaired in the two and a half weeks since the accident.

He drove her home and could tell Riza was absolutely relieved to be leaving the hospital. She radiated a relaxing aura from the passenger seat, so different from the tension he felt from her back at the hospital. Riza had seemed so upset after she woke. His death in her dream must have really shaken her. He had never seen her quite so troubled before.

They stopped at Fuery’s house to pick up Hayate. Fuery was happy to see her well and out of the hospital. Hayate was even more happy to see her. Riza picked up the pup and he licked her face and wiggled excitedly in her arms. After a quick hug from Fuery, they left and made it to Riza’s apartment in minutes.

Riza climbed the stairs to her apartment with Roy right behind. She set Hayate down as soon as they crossed the threshold and she immediately collapsed on the loveseat in her living room. It felt good to be home.

Roy sat down next to her a while later holding two cups of tea. He offered one to Riza and she took it with a nod of thanks. After taking a sip of his tea, he cleared his throat, deciding to bring up the topic that had been on his mind since Riza woke up.

“About that conversation we were having in the car before all of this... I’d like to continue it now, if that’s okay with you?”

Riza visibly stiffened and Roy was worried he made a mistake in bringing it up. He waited patiently while she thought about how to answer. After a few moments, she sighed, the confliction she felt visible on her face.

“You know we can’t. The future of this country is more important than our personal feelings. And after that dream, I just… It was too much, I...”

Roy took her hand in his and nodded, coaxing her to look at him. It was the answer he was expecting, though he still felt a little disappointed.

“I understand. But, everything that happened in your dream wasn’t real. Just remember that. And even if there’s never anything more between us than what we have now, know that my feelings for you will never change.”

Riza gazed sadly into his eyes. He was so sincere, so warm. Oh how she wanted to be with him. But she couldn’t even think about that, not with the nightmare of Roy’s death still looming in the back of her mind. No, they could never be together so long as she feared he would be hurt without her protecting him, so long as the end to their goals were still so far away, though that didn’t mean she couldn’t indulge herself for a just a moment. She reached up and cupped his cheek with her hand before closing the gap between them, meeting him in a kiss so loving, so tender, that it almost made her forgot the horrors she had witnessed while in her coma. Almost.

She pulled back too soon for Roy, but he wasn’t about to try to kiss her again. He was a gentleman and would never do anything she didn’t want. He was also quite fond of his face and would be quite put out if she shot him.

Tomorrow they would continue on like that kiss didn’t happen, like they didn’t finally voice their feelings for one another. They would go on pretending like they didn’t love each other, but they were together, and for now, it was enough.

#royai #fma #fanfiction #fmab #royai fanfiction

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