#with the glasses and ugly wig ok

[lupin-bun]

Come Back to Me

William Easton/FTM OC, self ship, trauma, hurt/comfort, smut (in later chapters)

Week 1

Chapter 1 - A First Time for Everything

“You’re coming with me to a drag show tonight.”

William looked up from the file he had open on his lap as he sat on his couch, to stare in bewilderment at his sister.

“The hell’d you just say?”

“I said, you’re coming with me to a drag show tonight.” Pamela reiterated, as clearly and concisely as she could, one hand on the back of the couch, the other on her hip as she looked down at her brother.

Will snorted in disapproval and looked back down at the file.

“No way. Can you really see me at a drag show?” He turned his head long enough to raise his eyebrows at her, pointedly, before returning to the file.

“Will,” Pamela started, a warning tone to her voice, “it’s been almost a year, and all you do is work. You never go out, you never meet up with friends, I don’t think I’ve even seen you smile since then.”

Will flipped the file shut in annoyance and shot Pamela a dangerous look.

“My friends? They’re dead, Pamela. Or did you forget? Hell, you were there!”

Completely unfazed by Will’s tone, Pamela raised an eyebrow.

“That’s another thing, Will,” she began, gently, “the friends you did have in the first place worked for you. They were employees.”

“I know! Don’t you think I know that!?” Will’s tone rose as he stood up, angrily, and marched through to the kitchen, Pamela following behind him, silently. “They were both. My employees and my friends. And I…” he paused and swallowed, remembering, “I let them die.” His tone dropped, sadly. His face screwed up and he turned his back on her, busying himself with opening a cupboard to retrieve a bottle of liquor and a glass.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Pamela soothed, stepping closer, carefully. “You didn’t put them there. That psycho did. You saved as many as you could.”

Will didn’t answer. There was a clink of glass on glass as he poured a shallow amount of the alcohol into the whiskey tumbler, and threw it back in one swallow. Pouring it into the glass at all seemed mildly redundant. He put a hand on his right hip as he stood there, his back still turned, but Pamela still noticed his thumb stroking the spot where she knew a huge scar sat, under his shirt, an ugly reminder of what he’d been through.

She stepped up close behind him and lay her head on his shoulder, rubbing his arm, comfortingly.

“Come out with me tonight,” she murmured, quietly. It wasn’t a question, “please, big bro.” She added, giving his arm a squeeze. “You deserve to do something fun. Take your mind off it for once! Ok, so I know it’s more my thing than yours but, maybe?” she wheedled him, looking up at him with a hopeful smile.

Will exhaled, resigned. He side-eyed her. He never could say no to Pammy.

“Fine.” He agreed simply and Pamela smiled, pulling back from him.

Will turned to face her properly, his attempt to look stern betrayed by his eyes that held a deep, desolate sadness that had been ever present these last few months.

“Performers from England are visiting for a while, including my favourite king! He’ll be there tonight and I wanted to show you his stuff.” Pamela decided to try and get Will talking about the show to get his mind off his trauma. She had been introduced to the drag scene by a lesbian friend from the studio and become hooked. The performers were all so… elaborate. Sequins, studs, rhinestones, glitter, confetti, huge wigs, headpieces, nails, heels, it was all so artistic and joyous.

“He?” Will questioned, picking the bottle up from the counter and walking it back through to the living room. “Aren’t you supposed to call drag queens “she”?”

Pamela couldn’t help but smirk to herself. William really knew nothing about the drag world. “No, he’s a king. Not a queen.”

“What? What’s that? A woman dressed as a man?”

Pamela paused, wondering if she dared go into the details of this king she was such a fan of, for fear of just confusing him. She’d been following this king for a while and he was very open about himself and how he identified, talking about it in livestreams, regularly.

“Not exactly…” Pamela said, trailing off. “It’s hard to explain. And I really want you to meet-…”

“No.” Will cut her off, strongly. “I’ve told you before, Pamela. I’m not interested in any of your friends.” He sat back down in his chair, heavily, and picked up the file again.

Pamela nodded with an amused huff.

“Oh I know. I am very aware!” She turned to leave and get ready in the spare room she was currently occupying, “Just like you weren’t interested in Sarah, or Lucy, or Allison…”

…

Pamela walked into the dimly lit venue, excitedly, a beaming smile across her face.

Will followed behind her with decidedly less enthusiasm, his hands rammed into his pockets like a moody teen. Though he had relented to be here, he hadn’t made any kind of effort with his appearance. The suit pants were gone in favour of jeans, he was still wearing his work shirt (it was now untucked) and his tie had been banished to the bedroom floor. He hadn’t even brushed his hair. When it had been scruffed up when he removed his tie, it had stayed like that.

The venue was very small. It was really just a smallish function room above a bowling alley in the city. Glancing around, William figured it would hold around fifty people. Sixty, max. There was a small stage the opposite side of the room, with gold fringe all along the back wall that twinkled, reflecting the stage lights (and the few dim house lights that were on).

With a resigned sigh, Will went to sit on a chair at the back.

“No, Will! Let’s sit on the front row! Please!” Pamela implored him, grabbing his hand and pulling as though she’d suddenly become six years old again and was trying to get Will to join her on the swings at the park.

Will shot her a look.

“Pleeeaaase!” Pamela begged, bobbing where she stood.

“You must really like this guy, huh?” Will remarked, heaving himself up to standing again, trailing after his sister, obediently. He plopped himself down in the aisle seat at the front and pulled a patronising face at his sister, who sat next to him. “Happy?”

“Very.” Pamela responded, with a smug grin.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone inbetween! Please take your seats! The show will be starting in five minutes! That’s five minutes until the start of the show!” came a distinctly male voice over the speakers.

Will rolled his eyes, tiredly, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Pamela elbowed him.

After definitely a lot longer than five minutes (and a lot closer to fifteen), the house lights went down. There were a few, scattered “Woo!”s around the room, including from Pamela. Will pulled a face at her.

She elbowed him again.

A tall drag queen in a floor length, silver, sequin dress, and sporting the biggest, brown, curly wig Will had ever seen in his life, strode, grandly onto the stage to a wave of applause from the crowd. Her dress was low cut, and it wasn’t just her wig that was brown and curly, it seemed. An impressive amount of chest hair sat, displayed proudly, above the neckline. And, when Will glanced down, the leg that poked, flirtatiously, out from a slit in the side of her dress was hairy too. But, he had to admit, the juxtaposition made her striking to behold, as she stood there, mic in hand, waiting for the cheers to die down.

“Thank you, loves. Thank you.” She began, her soft British voice amplified by the speaker that stood just feet away from where Will sat.

“Good evening!”

Another wave of applause.

“and thank you so much for having us bunch of raging queers from England in your city!”

There was a collective chuckle from the crowd.

“Honestly, getting the chance to perform in America is fucking insane when you’re from a tiny bloody city in the UK and hate RuPaul.”

Another chuckle, and a couple of raucous laughs from somewhere near the back.

“I’m Liv Presents, or Olivia Presentations if you’re nasty!” She winked, comically at the crowd, some of whom whooped or wolf whistled. “And I think I should just get the fuck on with it, don’t you!?”

A huge cheer went up.

“First on the line up tonight is a man that we had to pull out of his dumpster just to get him here-…”

“Oh my God!” Pamela whispered to Will, excitedly. “He’s on first! No way!”

“He’s a stinker, but don’t let that put you off. He’s the skunk punk of Norwich and he’s here tonight! He’s fizzy! He’s sweet! I hope you’re thirsty! It’s SODAPOP!”

Pamela flapped her hands against her knees, grinning in anticipation.

Liv Presents left the stage, and Will finally felt comfortable enough to cross his arms without judgement.

What had all that meant? “Stinker”? “Dumpster”? “Skunk”? What did all that have to do with anything?

Without warning, the start of some rock song or other started playing. Will jumped. It wasn’t the bubblegummy pop song or dramatic ballad he’d been imagining.

“You think your life is done, he took it all with him

So you drink enough to wash away the sin!

It’s such a shitty thing he did, the way he said “Goodbye”

You can take it out on me, if you like…”

The song began but no-one had reached the stage yet. William turned to ask Pamela what was going on, but noticed that she’d turned in her seat and was looking towards the back of the room.

He followed her gaze and spotted the performer, strutting up the aisle, slowly, engaging directly with audience members as he went.

The man was smallish, a couple of inches shorter than Will, but he sported a flawless, oil black mohawk with a white chunk at the front that made up for that deficit (Aaah. Now the “skunk” moniker made sense). He had a medium build with nicely toned arms and shoulders from what Will could see. He had surprisingly slim hands, with black painted nails, and he wore (not at all what he’d expected of a drag king), Black jeans, a black leather vest with copious studs and various “punky” accessories (spiked collar, fingerless leather gloves, and various piercings). An unexpected departure from the huge, over-styled outfits he’d seen a lot of queens wear. His wickedly grinning face was accentuated with strong makeup; deep contouring, dramatic eyeliner (top and bottom lids, plus wing), painted on, pointed brows, black lipstick with extended lines at the corners, pulling his smile wider than was natural. The overall effect was a small but dominant creature with a devilish streak, and a snide, sarcastic sense of humour.

“Fuck away the pain Erase him from your brain

Fake it like you love me

Come on baby, touch me!”

He carried on performing. He was not shy in the slightest! He strutted and swaggered down the aisle, getting in close within audience members’ personal space, throwing an arm over people’s shoulders, hiking a foot up on the sides of chairs and rolling his hips (or, in one instance, the front of the chair of a guy who was man-spreading up a storm. Sodapop had cupped the man’s chin and bent in dangerously close, within kissing distance, before grinning and backing away, letting the man’s face go, teasingly). Soda strutted past Will and onto the stage and, apparently, Will was staring pretty intensely, because Soda had caught his eye and, with a wicked smirk, winked at him.

Will immediately felt his face heat up.

“Show me where it hurts

This dirty little curse

Don’t have to be ashamed

If you wanna scream my name

while I fuck away the pain”

Now Soda dropped to his knees, head thrown back, as though in ecstasy, running his hands down the full length of his torso.

Will could actually feel his pulse in his cheeks.

“You hate the way he fooled around behind your back

A slave to him but now, with me, no strings attached!

But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed

If that’s what you need, go right ahead.”

Soda rolled his body, thrusting at the audience, head still back.

Will had chanced a glimpse and now wished he hadn’t. Soda had a noticeable bulge in his pants. Why had that caused Will to twitch? He shifted where he sat.

Stronger than a shot of whiskey or any pill you taaaaaaake…!

Liv walked back onstage, the mic in her hand replaced with a glass of (presumably) whiskey. Rather than hand it to him, she tipped it, carefully, and let a small amount pour out onto Soda’s throat. It trickled down his neck to his chest in riverlets as he brought his head back up. He locked eyes with Will again.

Will had to be blushing so hard, you could fry eggs on him! He shifted, uncomfortably, in his chair and uncrossed his arms and, trying to appear casual, pretended to rest his head on his fist (really just trying to hide his woefully red face behind it!).

“Fuck away the pain

Erase him from your brain

Fake it like you love me-…

Soda suddenly lunged at Will and crouched low, so close to him!

...Come on, baby, touch me!”

He ran his hands down the shiny black leather that covered his chest again.

With his heart pounding, squirming in his seat, head swimming and definitely not thinking straight, Will drunkenly put out a hand to place it on Soda’s chest too.

A sharp slap to the side of his leg broke Will out of his trance.

He blinked and looked, instead, at his sister who quickly shook her head, urgently.

Will swiftly returned his hand to his lap, mortified.

Soda didn’t seem to care. With a devilish smirk, he winked again, and moved on.

…

The number had ended.

The audience were going nuts, cheering, clapping and whooping as Soda gave one last little bow and jogged off down the aisle.

Liv returned to the stage.

“SODAPOP, EVERYBODY!!!” She called over the crowd, which redoubled the cheering. “How are you all feeling? Is your thirst quenched? Uuuuuuuuunnnnh!!” she moaned, comedically.

There was a roar of approval from the audience.

“Now, I’ve just got to say,” Liv started, semi-seriously, “I did actually forget to say this at the start of the show. Absolutely my fault! But you’re all going to see some very sexy people on this stage tonight,”

Another cheer.

“but please do not touch us without permission. That’s an absolute must. Please don’t molest the performers! That being said,” here, she turned and directly addressed Pamela, “if someone like Sodapop gets up in your face and tells you “come on baby touch me” and encourages you, and gropes themselves like the filthy boy they are, SODA…!!”, she called to Sodapop, who must still have been at the back of the room (Will turned in his chair to look, but couldn’t spot him in the gloom), “… in that instance, I’d say it’s ok! But, bless you, my darling,” Liv reached a painted-long-nailed and bejewelled hand out for Pamela’s, and Pamela took it, “bless your heart! Ordinarily that’s absolutely the right reaction! Thank you, my love!” She released Pamela’s hand with a warm smile. “Now then! Up next…”

#*Posts this and runs* #fanfiction #transgender #william easton #peter outerbridge #Be gentle please #I'm just a lil guy who is very gay for William Easton

[spongecakethings-blog]

Let SpongeBob be a readhead and let Squidward wear glasses.

#how dare anyone who'd want to hide red hair with an ugly blond wig #gingerist #and like glasses are classy ok #the spongebob musical #spongebob the musical #sbtm #tsbm

[imreallyloveleee]

thoughts on 4x13

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW MARCH 15 IS THE IDES OF MARCH? WELL? DIDJA? IF NOT DON’T WORRY BECAUSE THIS EPISODE OF RIVERDALE WILL NOT LET YOU FORGET IT

- constant Ides of March references aside, this is a pretty good and decently-paced episode! several characters’ storylines intertwine and the one that sort of just floats out there on its own (the hermosa rum shakedown thing) has blessedly little screen time.

- that said, the screen time it does get is just awful. Hermosa wins the award for Worst Spy on Earth - she goes to Veronica’s club so she can figure out where Veronica’s maple rum bordello is and then is completely shocked when Veronica herself shows up at the Five Seasons. i’m stumped as to what she was trying to accomplish here. i also really hate that hideous pink dress she’s wearing in these scenes, and her glasses are ugly. thank u, next!

- at the other end of the spectrum, Veronica wears a SUPER cute sheer black top with polka dots in that confrontation scene that i recognize from her lame shopping scene with Katy Keene in the previous episode

- the Lodge family penchant for wearing poorly fitted blonde wigs must be genetic...#HiramInAWig2k21?

- Veronica drinks a lot in this episode and i don’t know if we’re supposed to see it as the start of a downward spiral or what, but i’m here for it. live it up while you can, girl, coronavirus is right around the corner

- Varchie finally interact here for the first time in...a while, and it’s compelling! they’re having some believable end-of-high-school conflict! i like it. i feel for both of them. and this feels to me like the real path their relationship would end up taking. i don’t dislike this ship by any means, but i really don’t see them as two people who are compatible beyond the high school setting (at least, not in the show’s canon - i’ve read plenty of fics that make it work). 

- i also like that 5 seconds after they arrive at the Stonewall party Veronica is like “let’s go fuck in the woods” and Archie is like “ok cool!!”

- Archie actually lands on a very reasonable life plan by the end of this episode: go to summer school, graduate HS, then apply to colleges for the spring semester. i’m bummed this is not happening; i would have much rather seen Archie get an associate’s degree and then start running the family construction business, than see him go into the army. because it would be better for him, and because i am already deeply bored just thinking about all the scenes we will have to endure in season 5 of Archie suffering PTSD / reminiscing with some Uncle Frank-esque army buddy who served time with him in some Middle Eastern country we will never know the name of

- at this point, Tom Keller appears to be fully dependent on the largesse of a high school student for his income. no wonder Kevin became a tickle porn mogul

- i ADORE the early scene where Betty gives Jughead a very obvious suggestion for the plot of his Baxter Bros rewrite, and he’s like, “YOU’RE A GENIUS.” that’s such an underrated kiss, and Betty’s smirky-eye-roll-y face afterwards is adorable. i love that their brains are what turn them on about each other.

-  the writers made the huge mistake in this episode of telling us what day of the week it is. because of this, i am forced to conclude that Betty is wearing her ruffled turtleneck outfit for a period of at least 2-3 days in this episode. maybe @bettycooperoutfitwatch can confirm?

- more timeline shenanigans: Jughead says (while hooked up to a lie detector!) that he started writing the story ���that qualified him for Yale” (lol) in late summer. didn’t we see Betty reading that finished story at the very beginning of 4x02, which explicitly begins just a few days before the 4th of July?

- sidenote, i like that Bughead give up on the whole lie detector thing after 10 seconds and basically admit they just brought it for the dRaMa

- Jughead should have found an English teacher to run a test and confirm the Stonies’ manuscript’s DNA was not 51% different from his manuscript’s DNA

- i am far from the first person to say this, but WHAT WAS JUGHEAD’S PLAN??? the last thing we see him do is throw the rabbit mask on the ground, put the beanie on his head (thank god...as we know, it protected his brain from Joan’s death blow...thank u for ur service beanie), and flick open his pocketknife. was he going to gut Bret in the woods? slice off some skin a la Penny Peabody? this all feels very extreme. but he did tell Betty he would kill Bret if he really had a sex tape of them. so...?

- Betty and Donna are fun to watch together, i’m excited for more of this in the next few eps

- final warning note: NEVER trust Archie Andrews to tell you whether or not someone unconscious is actually dead, guys!!!

#loveleee rewatches riverdale season 4 #i am excited about the next few! #riverdale

[assbuttsshuttheircakehole]

Some thoughts....

My husband just talked me off a ledge because I was so unhappy about the ending. So here are my observations and what my brain made of them:

1. Cas is in heaven, Bobby confirmed it. He's helping Jack rebuild and reorganize so everyone can live together forever. I would have liked to see him in one of the final scenes, but overall I'm ok with this.

2. Sam's generic brunette wife, in my mind, is 100000000000% Eileen and no one can convince me otherwise. I would have liked something to confirm, maybe a couple ASL signs when she was watching them play catch? There's no way Jack didn't bring her back for Sam. No. Fucking. Way.

3. The reason it was filmed the way it was is because of Covid. Minimal cast, minimal crew. It's just how they had to do it. Yes, we all would have loved a big family reunion but it was impossible. Just bad timing really.

4. In the end, Dean was ok with going how he did. He always knew he'd be taken out on the job. He also knew he'd get to spend his heaven time with Sam (canon). Sam got to live a long life filled with ugly glasses and really bad hair (like Dean wanted for him) and Dean didn't even have to wait that long to see him again. Soooooooo, I guess it's all ok?

5. I totally called this ending years ago. Both die at the end and family reunion. I'm a little off because of covid filming, but you can't tell me they wouldn't have had every single person who died on the show there to welcome Sam and Dean and thank them in the end. My friend told me (years ago) I should make a cake and have a watch party. The cake would have had Mary and John cuddling on a picnic blanket, Sam playing with Bones, Bobby and Rufus sitting in chairs fishing, Cas flying a red kite (one of his favorite heavens to visit) and Dean sitting on Baby's hood eating pie.

That's how the show ended for me.

6. WTF was up with those wigs?!

#spn #supernatural #season 15 #final season #the end

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Yes it’s true - the only things I’ve been watching lately are prestige TV shows starring women with bad red wigs. I’ll get back to movies someday!! In the meantime, I finally watched all of this miniseries that has Netflix and the world aflame with love - and I am aflame too....WITH HATRED OF ALL OF THESE WIGS!!! I have so much to discuss with this show, y’all. A friend of mine (who hasn’t watched this show yet) probably said it best when he told me he thought the wigs in this show were supposed to be wigs WITHIN the narrative of the show (and therefore allowed to be bad): “wait I thought this was about a chess spy - that’s supposed to be her real hair? NO” INDEED!!! Let’s take it episode by episode (SPOILERS ABOUND) and DISCUSS.

Episode 1 - Openings

We begin in Paris, 1967. Beth Harmon, chess champion (?) awakens in a bath of ice (?) in the dark of her hotel room, clearly hung over or maybe still drunk. Her red ‘60s flip wig looks like HELL as does she, so...ok I guess this bad wig wurqs...for now. She sits herself down to play CHESS!! This whole show is about chess, obviously, and everyone is just mad about chess now! I am mad, too, because the show does not make chess seem interesting or sexy and I still hate it. 

Anyway, we rewind about 10 (?) years to a young Beth Harmon, who is suddenly orphaned after her mom definitely commits suicide via car accident. Her mom has super short bangs and cries a lot. We see some even further flashbacks to an even younger Beth IN THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS BABY WIG (MORE ON THAT LATER). We learn that her mom is very unhinged, but also probably brilliant, as Beth herself will become later. LET’S HOPE SHE NEVER GETS HER DRIVER’S LICENCE (note: she never does?)

Apparently the mid to late ‘50s were all about very VERY short bangs, and on this non-wigged little girl I guess that is fine.

BUT THEN! She is brought to an orphanage where they burn her old clothes (YES REALLY!) and cut her hair into a bob (the kid’s actual hair so again - ok!) and also give her and all the other girls constant drugs! The 1950s were really wild, amiright? If I have learned anything from movies set at orphanages in the 50s, drug abuse was the main issue (the only movie I’m referring to is obviously The Cider House Rules and the only thing I remember about that movie is that Michael Caine had an ether addiction). Anyway, the sedative drugs make her immediately put her hand on a hot radiator (safety first, orphanage!) 

She also makes friends with an older girl named Jolene (I LOVE THE NAME) who teachers her to save the sedative drugs for nighttime when they can help her sleep. Great advice, Jolene! Also: there is absolutely no way that African American Jolene would be in an integrated orphanage in mid-50s KENTUCKY but this is just the beginning of issues I have with this series......

Moving on! In avoiding the orphanage’s weird insistence on Jesusy choir practice, she discovers the basement realm of janitor Bill Camp, who never actually does any janitorial work (that I could see?) but definitely plays a lot of chess. And thus, her chess obsession begins! This is also helped by those sedatives she takes every night which give her really absurd chess hallucinations on the ceiling. This orphanage has it all!

Essentially, this miniseries is Valley of the Dolls if those characters got addicted to both pills and chess at the age of 9. Beth gets very VERY good at chess and some rando chess guy from the local high school comes and gives Beth a doll (BETH HATES THE DOLL BUT LOVES DOLLS DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE). And she goes to the high school and plays a bunch of terrible high school boys at chess simultaneously and beats them all. Also: the orphanage suddenly gets in trouble for giving sedatives to small children for years and Beth is PISSED. She goes through withdrawal and years for the big ol’ jar o’ pills!!!

AND THEN! During a kind of Jesusy film presentation, Beth sneaks away to the orphanage pharmacy and just goes hog wild on the pills! TRULY: Valley of the Dolls has nothing on this sequence. 

Obviously, Beth is caught pill-handed and she also spills all the pills, breaks a giant glass jar, and then falls onto both of them. SHE IS 9. I THINK I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Episode 2: Exchanges

So after Beth’s completely insane pill odyssey, she is punished by being forbidden to play chess! Fast forward an indeterminate number of years, and we meet a slightly older Beth (now played by the bewigged Anya Taylor-Joy). AND THIS WIG, Y’ALL. WOOF. Completely dried out and bent, it really makes you appreciate the fact that they just cut the younger Beth’s hair. I realize that Anya is going to go through many 50s and 60s hairstyles to come but I really wish they had just done the same and used her real hair because we are about to take a bad wig odyssey that will last throughout this series. Also! I love that Jolene is played by the same actress! How old is too old to be in an orphanage?

Speaking of age! Beth is apparently now 15 but when a super weird couple expresses interest in adopting her, the orphanage director lady lies and says Beth is 13 and everyone just goes with it....FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. Seriously, this age difference is never ever visited again or challenged. Beth is basically 15-17 for at least 5 years and no one gives a shit. OK? Anyway, Beth is adopted by Marielle friggin Heller (aka director of Can You Ever Forgive Me? and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) who has a very Mamie Eisenhower wig which is just fine compared to the bent and dry-ass mess on Anya’s head.

It is later revealed that Marielle adopted Beth because her husband is mainly away on business and she needs an older gal pal around to fetch her....sedatives from the magazine store! I wonder if Beth will totally get addicted to them again! I’m no chess player but you can absolutely predict plot devices in this series about two pawns away (is that a chess term? I still don’t know or care!) 

So yes: as predicted Beth absolutely gets addicted to sedatives again (also the specific sedatives she gets addicted to are the exact same ones she was addicted to at the orphanage - WHAT A COINCIDENCE! - and also they are made up sedatives for the purposes of this show only in case we all want to get the same magical chess sedatives and see chess on the ceiling too). ALSO! Beth is still mainly addicted to chess despite the fact that she was permitted from playing it for the last 5-7 years (depending on what version of her age you’re going on?) but still is good at it? Most upsetting: she rips apart her lovely bed canopy in order to see her ceiling chess hallucinations! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!

Also nervy: bitch totally stole chess magazines from the pharmacy when she was also stealing sedatives from her adoptive mom! Kleptomania is Beth’s #3 addiction after chess and pills also comes into play when it is revealed that her new adoptive mom is kinda poor since her husband is away all the time and doesn’t give her enough money so Beth can’t enter those chess tournaments she read about in the magazines she stole. SO she writes to janitor Bill Camp and asks for $5 to enter the chess thing and if she wins she’ll send him $10. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY LATER. So Beth goes to the chess tournament where she meets some not handsome twin dudes and a very handsome other dude named Townes.

Basically all the chess dudes at this tourney suck in the same way? To be fair: if I saw Beth walking up in her ugly orphanage clothes and orphanage cut wig, I would think she sucked at chess too? Oh also - all the girls at her new high school also think her style sucks. I WONDER IF IN COMING EPISODES SHE WILL GAIN MORE STYLE AND CHESS FAME THAN ALL THESE GARBAGE PEOPLE. Spoiler: she does and also beats this dude named Harry and becomes the Kentucky chess champion. Also! Beth’s adoptive dad totally abandons her and Marielle Heller!  I still hate chess but will continue to watch this show because of its haunting wigs and lowgrade feminist vibe.

Episode 3: Doubled Pawns

This episode begins with a flashback to Beth’s shitty birth mother and her shitty banged wig and remember that time I said I was going to talk about the wig on the littlest girl who plays her? WELL HERE WE ARE. Baby Beth has the absolute WORST WIG ON THIS SHOW and given how terrible all the wigs are, that is saying a lot. This wig looks like it was ripped off an American Girl doll which had been mistreated for years and thrown of a jungle gym or something. IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST (as is her mom, who makes this poor kid believe she had drowned!!!) 

ANYWAY. We get a new wig in this episode!!! Beth manages to grow out her orphanage bangs and allow her hair to have a 50s wave bob. Do not be fooled by the higher quality of this cut, however - the quality of the WIG continues to very much suck! WHAT IS THIS HAIR PART! No hair underneath! And everything is still a dried out, bent mess! ALSO HER ROOTS ARE A NIGHTMARE. This is also the episode wherein Marielle Heller basically becomes Mama Rose to Beth and really gets into Beth supporting both of them via chess winnings and becomes her chess manager (ACTUAL JOB TITLE). Also Beth gets nicer clothing. Hilariously, Marielle tells Beth’s high school that Beth is just constantly sick so she can skip school to go to chess tournaments even though Beth is straight up on the cover of Life magazine?! I wonder if this will at all come to the attention of the high school - IT DOESN’T! PLOT HOLES BE DAMNED THIS SHOW IS ABOUT CHESS! She does go to high school long enough for the snobby girls who once made fun of her to invite her to the dumbest party ever where they just sit around and ask Beth dumb questions about Chess fame and then all have a sing-along to a song Beth doesn’t know because she has no idea what pop culture is: ONLY CHESS CULTURE. I watched this show with my mom and asked if ‘60s parties were like this and she laughed her head off and said NO. ALSO! Beth’s kleptomania comes into play at this party where she steals a bottle of gin and leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. WHAT A BITCH.

Speaking of bitches, Beth meets a new chess diva in the form of Love Actually’s resident child drum prodigy! He has a character name but whatever: Love Actually is his name and he has longish shaggy (non wigged) hair and dresses like Crocodile Dundee and is loved and feared in the chess community for being such a non-nerd (?) chess player. I asked my mom if anyone dressed like this in the ‘60s and she said “NO! But I guess I didn’t know everyone” WHICH IS A GREAT ANSWER BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN’T RUN IN WEIRD CHESS CIRCLES IN THE ‘60s. We are lead to believe the ‘60s chess community of weirdos consists of the same 5 rotating dudes who are all at the same chess tournaments always and also possible love interests for Beth and she’s better at chess than all of them.

The only weirdo chess dude that Beth cares about is Townes, who you may recall from the last episode in which he was the only attractive chess dude at that first chess tournament Beth went to with borrowed Bill Camp money. Anyway, she runs into him at some chess tournament (LIKE I REMEMBER WHICH ONE PLEASE) in Las Vegas where he is now a chess reporter (ACTUAL 1960s JOB, Y’ALL). He invites Beth back to his hotel boudoir where he takes some non-boudoir pictures of her playing chess and Beth is all aflutter with chess love but SUCK IT BETH, TOWNES IS GAY!!! I have to say that the only believable part of this show is that the only attractive chess dude would be homosexual. It still does not forgive any of the other plot nonsense.

SO! It’s still the big Vegas chess tournament which is super duper important-chess wise (though this show also makes it seem like every chess game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT so who is to say?) Anyway, Beth and her 50s wave wig (even though it is the 60s?) play Love Actually and....they both win? I didn’t know this was a chess pastability but ok? Beth is pissed that she didn’t beat Love Actually, I hope I never have to see him again (SPOILER HE’S IN MANY MORE EPISODES AND HAD I KNOWN THAT MAYBE I WOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING NOW BUT I DIDN’T!) 

Episode 4: Middle Game

We are still stuck with this weird ‘50s bob in this episode. IT STILL LOOKS BAD. New developments are: Beth is taking night classes at the local college (even though she is technically still in high school?) in order to learn Russian to better understand people who are more obsessed with chess than she is: Russians. Anyway, he ends up going to the most wild and stereotypical hippie party with a college dude after class and yep - loses her virginity to him. Ok? At least it wasn’t to a chess weirdo? She also stays behind and parties and drinks alone in the hippie apartment because of all her substance addiction and kleptomania. Also! She graduates from high school despite being 2 years too old for high school (a plot point never explained) and missing all that high school for chess tourneys (another plot point never explained!) OH WELL: CHESS! 

Beth and Marielle go to Mexico City for some chess tournament (AGAIN I COULDN’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE). Marielle is excited because she is pen pals (OMG THE 60s Y’ALL) with some Mexican weirdo who I definitely feared would steal all the chess winnings but then ultimately just sucks in the same way the adoptive dad did. Beth also runs into those chess twin weirdos because the chess community is comprised of only 5 dudes as I said. Their hair looks bad but not as bad as her wig. 

Beth doesn’t see much of Mexico City - nor do we unless you count a truly outrageous sequence in which Beth and Marielle go out on their hotel balcony and look into a green screen rendering of Mexico City that would have felt at home in CGI ghostmare, Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyway, Beth and her olde timey 1950s wig which is spending way too much time in the 60s even though she’s supposed to be stylish now, take a lot of chess baths while Marielle drinks a lot because that Mexican pen pal/boyfriend sucks so bad.

So Beth wins enough chess to play Borgov, who we are led to believe is the Russian white whale/Bond villain of the chess community and LOSES! She is pretty pissed about it but not as pissed as...

....coming back to the hotel room to discover Marielle Heller and her luscious Mamie Eisenhower wig DEAD. TWICE AN ORPHAN, Y’ALL. Mexican coroners tell Beth that her mom died of hepatitis (!!!) and Beth somehow implicates low quality tequila in this hepatitis death. I LEGITIMATELY GOOGLED ‘DOES TEQUILA GIVE YOU HEPATITIS’ IMMEDIATELY. I DON’T THINK IT DOES?!?!?! THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND YES I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING IT DESPITE THE TERRIBLE WIGS AND MY HATRED OF CHESS.

Episode 5: Fork

Beth returns to Kentucky IN THE RAIN BECAUSE TV AND MOVIE DEATHS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY RAIN. She is about to be super lonely in the house she know owns (according to a super sketchy international phone call with her adoptive father which will definitely not hold up in court) and then...she gets a call from Harry! WHO THE EFF IS HARRY! Again, luckily, there are only 5 chess guys who need to remember and he is one of them (he is the one she beat for the Kentucky chess whatever in episode 2). She invites him over because she’s lonely!

Harry is definitely the saddest of the weirdo chess dudes because apparently he’s been harboring a secret love of Beth (who at the time of their first meeting was like 13-15 depending on what timeline you’re going on and he was...20? OK GROSS BUT OK). BITCH EVEN GOT HIS WEIRD TEETH FIXED SO HE COULD BE LOVED BY BETH AND HER BENT ASS WIG AND SERIOUSLY NO THANK YOU HARRY. Regardless, Beth lets Harry have sex with her a few times and live rent-free in her house and ultimately Harry gets enough self confidence to leave this effed up living situation since he will never be one of Beth’s obsessions (which are still: chess, pills/alcohol, stealing shit). 

So Beth goes to Ohio for some other chess tournament and reunites with UGH Love Actually. At this point in the show, Beth starts wearing long scarves as headbands and her wig has never looked better because most of it is covered by the scarf. THANK GOD. So Love Actually totally chess hustles Beth for a lot of coin playing speed chess (DEAR GOD WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO LEARN WHAT SPEED CHESS IS) but in the end, she still beats him for the chess title. EFF YOU, Love Actually! May I never see you again! OH SHIT HE JUST INVITED HER TO  NEW YORK TO TRAIN HER FOR THE PARIS CHESS THING DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LOVE ACTUALLY IN THIS SHOW OK FINE I’LL STILL WATCH IT.

Episode 6 - Adjournment

Ok so Beth and her ok wig that is mainly covered by a scarf go to Love Actually’s apartment in NYC which IS AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER AND SHE HAS TO SLEEP ON A BLOW UP MATTRESS. Again and for the millionth time: Love Actually is the worst! Especially the worst because he introduces her to all these rando bohemians he knows, including some French bitch who will definitely eff everything up when Beth is already teetering on her pill/alcohol obsession and should probably not meet any other enablers. Somehow, he does get her to quit the pills/alcohol long enough to have sex with him (UGH).

And so we are in Paris, 1967. Where we started the show with Beth’s awful 60s flip! AND WE MEET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE. Only a week before this, Beth was in NYC with hair about 3″ shorter and still wearing scarves in her hair. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, SHOW! I realize that this show has a very vague sense of time or how old Beth is or whatever but truly: NOPE. 

Anyway, it’s the night before the big match against Borgov and Beth is on her very best behavior when who should ring her up but that French bitch Love Actually introduced her to! She is downstairs at the hotel bar and just come down and have one drink and don’t ruin your entire chess career, mmmkay? THIS ENABLING BITCH!!!! NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH THIS CRYING GAME WIG UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE A CRYING GAME. Of course, Beth goes downstairs, drinks every drink in the bar, has sex with some rando French dude and...wakes up in the icebath we see at the beginning of the show and sweatily plays Borgov in her wig that has never looked frizzier, loses, and is shamed from the entire chess community. Also Love Actually wants Beth to come back to NYC but NO THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR BUNKER OF ENABLERS.

Back in Kentucky, Beth....is shown learning how to flip her hair. WAIT WHAT SHE ALREADY HAD A FLIP HAIRSTYLE THE ENTIRE TIME IN PARIS WHAT KIND OF WIG GASLIGHTING ARE YOU PLAYING, SHOW?!?!?!??!?!?!!

UGH anyway, with THE EXACT SAME FLIP WIG AS WE’VE SEEN HER IN, Beth tries to be a responsible young person of indeterminate age who owns a house in Kentucky and not drink or take pills or steal shit. EXCEPT remember that time her adoptive dad said she could just have the house if she paid the mortgage? WELL BITCH SHOWS UP AND J’ACCUSES HER OF STEALING THE HOUSE FROM HIM. Which is hilarious because of all the things she stolen in this show, the house wasn’t one of them. In any case, she buys the house! And takes herself out to dinner! And has a drink! AND UH OH.

At this point the show just goes completely off the rails in addictive nonsense. Beth just goes around the house in her terrible flip wig applying makeup and barfing in to chess trophies. It’s every stereotypical drug/alcohol scene from every biopic ever except this chick doesn’t really exist and this show is wearing on my nerves and Beth has to stop making so many terrible live decisions and this wig has BETTER GET BETTER.

And then magically - Jolene shows up in the most fabulous afro wig!! WHAT! OK I WILL WATCH THE BITTER CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES BECAUSE I LOVE JOLENE.

Episode 7: End Game

Jolene...Jolene....Jolene. Jolene. I love Jolene. I don’t love that this show uses her by making her be the “magical negro” trope who helps Beth get her life back together. Predictable nonsense! So yes, Jolene looks around Beth’s ramshackle drug den and tells her to get her life back together. AND THEN BETH DOES. No AA or rehab required! WHAT! I really appreciate that Jolene also compares her to Susan Hayward (star of Valley of the Dolls!) which is the sick burn/comparison I needed. 

The other reason Jolene showed up was to bring Beth to janitor Bill Camp’s funeral. At the funeral, which is very poorly attended, Beth reveals THAT SHE NEVER PAID BILL CAMP THAT $5 HE LENT HER (AND $10 SHE PROMISED HIM) AT THE BEGINNING OF HER CHESS CAREER. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. It is at this point that I fully decided that I wanted Beth to fail at everything because she is a garbage person who never gave propers to Bill Camp for changing her life for the better. THIS BITCH!! She even goes back to the orphanage where she discovers Bill Camp’s CHESS SHRINE DEVOTED TO HER! SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT AS WELL SHE SHOULD! I FULLY HATE HER!!!!

Jolene is much more forgiving of Beth than me and also introduces Beth to a new obsession: squash! Ok? It does allow Beth to wear a headband which is great wig-wise (in that it hides all the seamwork). Beth also turns down these Jesusy people who want to fund her chess trip to Russia and so Jolene GIVES HER $3,000 TO GO TO RUSSIA. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW IT IS THAT BETH WILL NOT PAY THAT MONEY BACK AND JOLENE PLEASE DO NOT!!!!

Jolene does. Beth goes to Russia which is straight out of every Bond movie and gets her shit together and wins a lot of damn chess. 

Though her midweight coat game rivals that of Nicole Kidman in The Undoing, her wig game ALSO RIVALS THAT OF NICOLE KIDMAN IN THE UNDOING IN THAT IT IS ALSO A RED NIGHTMARE WIG. This show spent so much goddamned money on clothes, sets, and CGI greenscreens of Mexico City AND YET NO MONEY FOR WIGS. BOO.

I did enjoy this one chess opponent’s walrus hair but otherwise, Beth’s flip wig has absolutely overstayed its welcome and is a compete and utter bent nightmare. Also! Remember that one hot chess dude? He shows up and helps Beth with Chess!! HUH?

Also every single weirdo in the chess community somehow form a chess calming circle in Love Actually’s bunker apartment and call Beth internationally to help her win against Borgov at chess! WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL? It is sweet I guess, but also makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE AS BETH WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THEIR WEIRD CHESS GANG.

Ultimately, Beth beats Borgov and wears THIS FUCKING HAT. I think we’re supposed to believe that she is now the white queen chess piece (I HATE THAT I NOW KNOW CHESS PIECES).

She is actually dressed in head to toe white and somehow convinces her American handler that she will just walk...to the airport? And despite being invited to the Johnson White House (girl go there!) would rather just wander the streets of Russia without any purse or luggage or way of getting home. THIS BITCH. She finds a new chess community of old men who play chess outside at folding tables and decides to join them WITHOUT GOING HOME TO PAY JOLENE ALL HER MONEY BACK WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AND ALSO MAYBE SETTING UP A BILL CAMP CHESS FOUNDATION BECAUSE YOU NEVER PAID HIM BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. No, she is no longer addicted to pills, alcohol, or stealing but is absolutely addicted to chess on a level that is probably lethal. I spent the last moments of the show demanding that the Russian chess hobos murder her and her immaculate white outfit because BETH IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND ALL HER WIGS ARE GARBAGE LIKE HER!!!!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

#wigwurq #queensgambit #anyataylorjoy #garbagepeople #valleyofthedolls #babywigs #pillpoppinorphans #Istillhatechess #loveactually #marielleheller #wiggaslighting

[chillyravenart]

You mentioned you might do a post on the outfits you hated the most? Not to pole the bear too much but I would love to hear your opinion! I love talking costumes on the show.

Ok I hope you’re ready, because I was largely very unimpressed with a lot of the outfits on the show- several of these are truly terrible, and several are just too repetitive and boring, make of that what you will. Whilst I’m glad we didn’t get typical medieval reenactment attire (and skimpy hose lmao) and I am appreciative of the unique twist they tried to give the clothing on GoT, a lot of it was very lacklustre and boring and should have stayed as curtains or sofa fabric.

A wise man once said, “Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab.” Unfortunately we got a LOT of drab.

 Again this is just my personal opinion, if anyone liked any of these outfits, I’m glad you could find some joy from all the misery. Its going to be a long post so I’ve added a ‘read more’ break, but I doubt it will work because Tumblr likes torturing us. Right, off we trot!

1. I have to mention this one first because I fucking hated it so much lmao. Basic, dull, blue on blue, awful heavy cape for the climate, plain boring sick of it haha I won’t linger, I have a lot to get through.

2. I’m going to bunch these all together because these dresses were all awful. When I was in Year 8 we had a Design & Textiles class and I remember sewing something equally misshapen and sack-like. long story short, it ended up in the bin. What the fuck was that neckline, lord it turned my stomach. (This ghastly neckline will make several reappearances, rest assured).

3. Same goes for Catelyn, her dresses were drab and dire (no pun intended) and the neckline made me want to kill myself. She just looked like a frumpy old school teacher, not the wife of the Warden of the North. ( I did like the fur detail on the sleeves of the first dress, however the main body of the dress itself is very dull)

4. Shit dresses seemed to be a trend for the Tully sisters, and my God, Lysa’s were no better. I expected better from the Arryn seamstresses. What is it with the heavy collars and same fucking drapey arms???

5. Really wasn’t a fan of Arya’s “on the run” outfit, it looked moldy and vile and I know she’s meant to be an impoverished urchin but I’d rather it was a plain tunic/jerkin combo that this rotten mess. And that fucking awful neckline again.

6. Ok so Margaery had some overall nice outfits, but what was this fucking catastrophe? Was Olenna Tyrell away from home the day they commissioned this tragedy? She looked like a lampshade- or as @naomimakesart put it a ‘soda-can’.

7. This deserved a separate post because after leaving the South to head up North, Sansa clearly couldn’t find a decent dress designer, and I don’t blame her. It’s the North remember? Her wedding dress was a cross between an anaemic peanut and a marshmallow, the neckline, the sleeves- vomitous! And her Winterfell dress was no better. The Boltons probably had shit tailors.

8. Look I know Jon was in the middle of a war but that’s no excuse to wear a ratty old surcoat nicked off a decaying corpse. No excuse. You are the Warden of the North Jonathan! 

9. Let’s do Dany again. I’ve said time and time again that if anyone deserved to be dressed in silken grandeur with embellishments and veils and jewels and intricate bodices, then it was Daenerys fucking Targaryen, but instead we got this plain, curtain-like shroud. Why is the material so heavy and thick AND UNADORNED???? Boring boring boring, yawn, next.

10. Did they seriously lack for creativity when it came to Dany? Why were all her outfits cut from the same cloth/template? Why did she have massive shoulder pads like an 80s businesswoman? Why did they dress her in the drab habit of a nun???? Why can I upholster my sofa in that same fucking fabric, are DFS in breach of copyright here????? So boring, so homogeneous, so fucking disappointing. Not to mention the pukesome hemline and dreary shade of charcoal- where was the pitch black and vivid scarlet combo I dreamt of???? Oh but it had red detailing- bitch where???? Can’t see a thing without a magnifying glass!

11. I’m not done, you all asked for this haha. It pains me to dredge up this memory, especially when I’ve spent every moment since season 7 aired trying to expunge it from my mind. What. In. The. Name. Of. Fuck. Was. This. Shit? I’m not even going to talk about the casting choices or the wig, I won’t, you can’t make me, but why in Aegon’s name was he wearing an old potato sack and she a Forever 21 2017 summer collection dress the colour of snot? Someone explain this to me right this minute. And what is that wrapped all around it? Did someone make that from papier-mâché??? HEINOUS.

12. The Sand Snakes. Oh the Sand Snakes. Poor girls. Done so so so dirty it makes a wartime latrine look sanitary. What the fuck were they wearing? Where were the elaborate outfits Oberyn’s daughters dressed in (bar Obara ok)???? What is this mess????

13. Erm so I know Euron was a bit of a joke but I didn’t expect him to dress like a washed-up Alice Cooper fanboy. Then again none of the Greyjoys had decent outfits and travelling all around the world surely didn’t improve Euron’s dress sense either. Next!

14. Now I know people loved Dany’s fur coat, however I was not one of those people. Fine, I was willing to endure it the first time, notwithstanding the fact that she was swamped in it yet again and it’s a good thing Em is adorable and gorgeous otherwise she would have looked like an albino hamster, but why in heaven’s name was the design recycled so often and so unvaried? Furry stripes and shoulder pads folks! Oh adding red to the stripes was a great touch was it? Groundbreaking! It all looks the same, in fact the striped leather coat looked like the fur one after it had been scalded and plucked. Yes I said what I said.

15. I don’t usually rant but lately, I’ve felt the need to get things off my chest. And so I have to add this monstrosity. The hair looks like someone coiled an old hemp rope and pinned it to her head, and the dress, good god the dress is so fucking ugly???? Easily the worst thing Cersei’s ever worn, good thing her gowns improved in the later seasons because holy shit this dress was as grim as the execution itself.

16. Last but not least, this leather coat was ugly and I hated it. So glad we never saw it again after season 1. I’ll add here that the men were all given the same jerkin/surcoat combo with pants and boots and it became very boring after a while. No variance, no style. The only ones with swag were Joff and Oberyn, and dare I say it even Littlefinger’s coats were better than the recycled swill we got with the others.

And that concludes this shitshow. I know we’ve been slating D&D’s writing and the shit plot and awful direction the show took but the costumes were always so underwhelming for me. I expected colour and variety and texture from a fantasy/pseudo-medieval setting, not my grandma’s curtains. And the black emo phase was just laughable, but clearly it reflected the deep sense of mourning and tragedy that befitted the end of this memorable show. Sigh. Thank you for bearing with me. I’ve left LOADS of outfits out FYI but you get the gist haha.

#chillyravenart answers #felinesandfantasy

[szopenhauer]

it seems that the average survey-taker is a white american female, aged 15-19, who has a car, a cell phone, and an extensive social circle. is this true for you? I’m a white female but not from America and I’m much older, have no car nor friends, just cellphone

have you seen any silent films? I love Buster Keaton 

would you rather be an actor, director, or soundtrack producer? actress and director

have you seen nbc’s ‘hannibal’? thoughts? (if you haven’t, do you want to?) no and don’t want to, yuk

on websites where you’re permitted to change your username, do you do so often, or do you keep the same one for long periods of time? I usually change after a few months

does your computer have a name?  I didn’t call this annoying piece of shit anyhow but maybe if I had a better computer...

are you eager to see how far science + technology will advance, or do you prefer an older way of doing things? do you think we are better off with these advancements, or not? I wish we had choice, I would like the world to be balanced, a bit of this and a bit of that, some advancements are necessary, some are cool but some are awful

what is your favourite comic book or graphic novel? does your favourite novel come in comic-book form? (if not, would you like it to?) I don’t read comics but from those I ever tried my fav manga was Doubt, webcomic (those I saw several but I forgot most of the titles by now) - Lackadaisy and I am fan of Aldebaran and Betelgeza 

Any friends who are constantly venting about their boyfriend?: it was common - me listening complains about my crush’es exes or current boyfriends/lovers/crushes

Have you ever been ice-skating?: once, in high school, didn’t like it

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep?: yeah

Did the end of Public Enemies make you sad?: I didn’t finish the movie

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm?: ewww, not at all

Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself?: I believe

What’s your most noticeable flaw?: ugh...

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yes and that was awful because it was full of dead bugs

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it?: often

How many other blogs do you follow on Tumblr?: more than 300 

Does it ever scare you how fast time can go by?: could say so

Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you?: possibly :x

What does your grandma call you?: sigh...

What would you do for immortality and infinite youth?: dunno, definitely wouldn’t sell my soul or kill an innocent person but I would do some stuff for immortality 

Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub?: neither

Have you ever worn a nipple tassel?: haven’t

Ever played hide and seek in the woods on horseback at night?: wow, that’s weirdly specific and now I want this somehow :o

Have you ever held a baby chick?: wild bird’s babies and I regret that because it’s not helfpul for them actually

Do you think wine tastes like rotten fruit? yep

Have you ever felt the need to hide something about yourself?: sometimes, from certain people, I should be myself most of the time tho

Do you think pearls are attractive?: umm...

Have you ever wished you had a different name? Which name would you choose? but I like male ones more or non polish

Have you ever customised an item of clothing? I designed and my mom helped me, made changes for me

Do you prefer drawing or painting?  prefer to draw but look at paintings

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? if I could/had money to save then I would save for a bike, laptop, my own apartment etc.

Do you own any figurines?  cats, dogs, elephants, clowns, horses and others

If you have any siblings, how much rivalry is between you all? it’s complicated

When did you last have itchy eyes? recently

Is it dark outside right now? it’s getting darker 

Do you prefer framed photos or just sticking photos straight onto walls? I prefer them in an album, takes less space 

What’s your favourite type of cake? used to love sękacz the most

Have you ever woken up from a dream and believed it to have been real? I was confused 

If there’s a bug in your room, can you sleep or do you need to get it out? it depends on how annoying/dangerous it is

Do you prefer travelling alone or with people? I like to travel with my dad

What was the last baby animal you saw? pic or irl?

Do you give people high fives or hugs more often? hugs

How long have you known the last person you kissed? I knew her 10 years ago for awhile then we lost contact until this spring

When angry, do you get loud or quiet? depends

What do you currently hear right now? my parents talking

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? dad

Last person you saw? parent

Did you have a nap today? nope

Are you easy to get along with? am not

When was the last time you were told you were cute? recently my gf called me cute and I’m like Catra about it

Have you ever forgotten to put on an oven mitt before you took something extremely hot out of the oven? not over, just hot pot

Do you own one of those airwick things that automatically sprays every few minutes? hell no

How many light bulbs are on in the room you are currently in? 3, one doesn’t work 

Have you ever had your phone taken away at school before? almost, teacher heard it calling but before they found out who’s phone that was it stopped ringing and I was safe

Do you look better with or without glasses? I’m always ugly 

What is your favorite type of bird? chicken, owl, flamingo, crow, barn swallow...

Did you go fishing a lot when you were younger? Do you now? I hate fishing, never been nor will go

Do you like more flowery scents or more clean scents? no scents, thank you Do you own a manual or electric toothbrush? manual, electric are horrible Preferred brand of toothpaste? m current is Meridol  Piece of make-up you cannot live without? I can live without it

Do you prefer heels or flats? flats are more comfy but I know how to walk in heels, just don’t like to

Do you eat meat? yep Do you still watch cartoons regularly? I recently started watching She-ra with my gf but before that I didn’t watch any animated shows for a long time (just fragments/episodes maybe) Do you leave the TV on and sleep to it? never Ever considered cannibalism? r u serious?... this is scary, I’m gonna puke :x Ever licked a battery? I’m not stupid What does your name mean? lily which was also going to be my name Do animals go to Heaven? hope so Babies are… irritating

When was the last time you saw a doctor? it would be easier to say when I didn’t because I see them too often Do you know anyone who is a firefighter? used to What was the last wedding you went to? my sister’s

What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? blergh... Do you “binge-watch” tv shows? two episodes a day max What is your opinion of clowns? love Did you wear a necklace today? not today How old are your parents? about 60 What’s something odd you do when you’re anxious or nervous? personal Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? I have, more than one time Is your wardrobe big enough for all your clothes? it’s not Do you plan ahead when it comes to your outfits? nah Have you ever shaved your face? I shaved my eyebrows (not whole)  What colour is your front door? silver with white paint coming off  Do you take the stairs or the elevator? stairs  Would you ever try herbal medicine as opposed to conventional medicine? I tried  Do you wear open-toed shoes? I despise those Have you ever been to a petting zoo? yeah, I was petting a raccoon <3 and chinchillas are so surprisingly fluffy  When was the last time you wore a button up shirt? weeks ago How many times have you consumed alcohol? once Do you often forget what you were just about to say? ocassionally when interrupted What’s your opinion of Australia? wouldn’t go there Do you own any striped sweaters? absolutely :) Have there ever been any forest or grass fires in your area? as every summer, also trash burn quite often

What color is the trash can in your kitchen? yellow What does the cover on the last book you read look like? it has two people sitting in front of each other Do you wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? I don’t celebrate this holiday, I dislike it Are you even Irish? not even partially Have you ever gotten a wig? What did it look like and what was it for? I have a bunch of wigs  How often do you use a shower cap? What does yours look like? I don’t own any If you wanted to get a cat, would you adopt from a shelter or buy from a breeder? Why? but I don’t want a cat What’s the shortest you’d be willing to cut your hair? almost bald? What do you do when you find a spiderweb in your room? leave it be or clean it

[seok-666]

Smol Snk Dialogue #2 .

Helloooooo! I am here to bring you the second chapter of this dialogue (Please read it first)! I have to thank the people who put their attention on this story💙. I hope this chapter meets you expectations! SOoOoOoOo enjoy!! :D

Warning?: This has no ship, but if you read too closely you’ll start to imagine things. *This chapter* also contains drama, failed experiments and discussions. The characters used here do not belong to me but to Hajime Isayama.

This chapter begins where the first one ended.

-------------------

Eren, softly: Squad Leader...

Hange: Yes, my sweet cutie pie?

Mikasa: *Looks questioningly at him*

Eren: *Sighs* Could you be nice and answer our question?

Hange: What question?

Eren: Since when have you been here?

Hange: Ooooh! *Places her finger on her chin, thinking* Lemme remember...

Everyone- including Levi- was looking expectantly at her.

Jean: Can you remember faster...?

Krista: *Gives him a one more word I’ll choke you with a tie look*

Jean: *Looks down like a sad puppy*

Sasha: ...So?

Hange: ...I’m not quite sure. I just remember a lot of yelling and someone saying that they were snatching wigs.

Mikasa: Oh.

Hange: I still have a question though. *crosses her arms on her chest* Do you fight like this everytime?

Cadets: *Completely silent*

Levi: Hange, who are you to judge?

Hange: Hey! I am not judging! I am genuinely curious! Because that was wild!

Levi: *Murmuring* This is why I hate my job.

Connie: Does that mean that the Squad Leader Hange likes to fight?

Eren: Oh no.

Levi: Oh no.

Hange: I am SO glad you asked! I always tell those stories to the newbies! Don’t you remember, Eren-shi?

Eren: Yes, I can remember. *Gives Connie a thank you so much Mr. Fuck Up look*

Armin: We don’t need to-

Hange:  We do! *Sits down on one chair, and places her hands on the table*

Ymir: *Opens her mouth to say something*

Krista: *Coughs loudly*

Ymir: *Pouts* Thanks. Squad. Leader.

Hange: You’re welcome!

Levi: Are you gonna start or what?

Hange: I’m choosing the story! Do I tell them about the one where Nanaba wore Mike’s jacket?

Levi: Boring.

Hange: About the time when Moblit almost got eaten?

Levi: Predictable.

Hange: OH I KNOW! The eyebrow one.

Levi: *Visibly terrified* NO NOT THAT ONE.

Hange: YESSSSSSS.

Bertholdt: The what?

Hange: This story takes place some time after Levi decided that Erwin wasn’t an asshole-

Levi: Which was mistake.

Hange: And decided we would all become friends forever!

Levi: Which was also a mistake.

------

(Flashback)(Narrated by Hange)

[The Survey Corps were having breakfast. The tables were divided separately, each one with 6 members. In one of the tables, Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar, Levi and I were talking to each other. Gelgar had a brown bottle at the side of his plate, which called Erwin’s attention.)

Erwin: Gelgar.

Gelgar: *Looks at him* Yes, sir?

Erwin: What do you have in that bottle?

Gelgar: *Visibly tenses* I-It has water.

Levi, nonchalantly: Alcohol.

Gelgar: *Turns to look at him* Oi! It doesn’t! Don’t lie!

Levi: Probably beer.

Mike: *Takes Gelgar’s bottle, opens and smells it*

Gelgar: Sir! Don’t!

Mike: *Starts coughing uncontrollably*

Hange: Mike! Try to breathe *starts helping him*

Nanaba: Gelgar! What do you have in that bottle?

Gelgar: Water! I said water!

Mike: *Calms down* That is NOT water.

Erwin: What is it, Gelgar?

Levi: It’s alcohol.

Gelgar: No, it is not alcohol! It’s just water with some leaves that I like to drink before traning...

Hange: Leaves?

Gelgar: Some friends and I made it... It helps our muscles to be stronger...

Levi: You mean appear stronger.

Gelgar: *Opens his mouth to protest, but closes it* Yes.

Mike: It smells weird. Does it have anything weird?

Gelgar: Just some leaves, really.

Nanaba: Oh, then why do you hide it?

Erwin: *Smiles* It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Levi: Honestly I would feel ashamed.

Erwin: Levi!

Levi: I was being honest.

Gelgar: It’s ok...

Hange: Quick question, can those leaves do anything else?

Gelgar: Nothing that I know. But you can find out, Hange-san, I’ll give some of them to you!

Hange: That would be amazing! I will try to do some experiments!

------

(Current time)

Hange: As I was experimenting with the leaves, I realised they could also alter your hair!

Armin: Alter your hair? How?

Hange: It would make your hair grow, for example.

Mikasa: *Murmuring* Connie would find it helpful.

Connie: I heard you.

Reiner: You mean hair of your head or hair in general?

Levi, grimacing: In general...

Hange: Told ya' you would feel interested!

Ymir, resting her face on her hands: How is that interesting?

Eren: Nothing is interesting to you if it ain’t Krista-

Krista: *Coughs louder*

Ymir: Just skip to the beef.

Sasha: BEEF? WHERE?

Levi: *Sighs*

Hange: I’ll continue.

--------

(Flasback)

[Since it was a common experiment, I needed to make some tests. In order to do so, I told Erwin and Levi that I would need their help with it. They were so eager.]

Levi: I’m not a lab rat.

Hange: But Levi! It’s innocuous!

Levi: That’s what you said last time.

Hange: But this time it’s different!

Levi: It’s still offensive.

Hange: How so?

Levi: Is it because of my height?

Hange: Levi-

Levi: Is it?

Hange: No! I admit you’re cute but that has nothing to do with this!

Levi: ...Did you just call me-

Erwin: Levi.

Levi: *Sighs* Erwin.

Erwin: Why don’t you give her another chance?

Levi: Another chance to ruin my life, you mean?

Hange: We’re already in the Survey Corps, Levi, what could possibly go wrong?

-------------

(Current time)

Levi: And then everything went wrong.

Hange: Hey! That’s not exactly how it went!

Jean: Sounds legit.

Hange: It is not... *pouts*

Levi: But it is.

Hange: *Pouts harder*

Levi:

Levi: Why don’t you continue and see if I’m lying?

Hange: YAY!

----------

(Flashback)

Hange: *Holding a bottle* This bottle contains a liquid that will make your hair shorter. Not bald-like, but just shorter. Since this is just an experiment, I’m gonna try it on your body hair.

Levi and Erwin: *Nod* Alright.

Hange: So, I’m going to pour a little bit of this liquid on your right arm.

Erwin: *Not genuinely interested on his looks* Will it look ugly?

Hange: No, I don’t think it will... *Suddenly stops, staring at nothing*

Erwin and Levi: *Exchange looks*

Levi: Oi, shitty-glasses, is everything alright?

Hange: *Slowly showing a crazy smile*

Levi: *Takes 2 steps back*

Hange: I AM BRILLIANT!

Erwin: *Chuckles* We know.

Levi, to Erwin: Speak for yourself.

Hange: Erwin, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please let me put this on your eyebrows!

Levi: What?

Erwin: What?

Hange: I just had a thought!!

Erwin: Erase that thought!!

Hange: It will make you look handsome!

Erwin: It will what?

Hange: It’s not that you’re ugly, you’re already handsome! It will just make you more handsome!

Erwin: I appreciate the compliment but, no, Hange, what if it goes wrong?

Hange: It will not go wrong!

Erwin: It is an experiment! How do you know?

Hange: I just know! Trust me, 1.88!

Erwin: Did you just call me-

Levi: Erwin.

Erwin: *Turns to see him* Levi.

Levi: *Unable to hold back a smirk* Why don’t you give her another chance?

Erwin: *Widens his eyes at betrayal*

Hange: We’re already in the Survey Corps, Erwin, what could possibly go wrong?

-----------

(Current time)

Armin: Let me guess. Then everything went wrong?

Hange: No!

Levi: Yes!

Hange: Oh my, just let me finish!

Krista: Please don’t tell me you left Commander Erwin without eyebrows.

Ymir: *Snickers* Lol that’d be HILARIOUS.

Jean: Why did you say that? Now the image is in my head and I can’t stop it! *puts his hands on his head*

Connie: OH NO, it’s in my head too! *puts his hands on his head, too*

Reiner: It’s too weird, Berth, help me stop it!

Bertholdt: I can’t picture it. *shrugs*

Sasha: Why did you even mention it?????

Eren: *Covers his face with his hands* MAKE IT STOP.

Mikasa: *Closes her eyes for a bit, imagines it* Um... *Snickers* It’s quite the image.

Armin: *Sighs* At least it’s just our imagination.

Levi, grimacing: Yeah... just your imagination.

Hange: ...So...!

-----------

(Flashback)

[Finally, I succeeded. Erwin let me put just a little on his eyebrows, while I put a drop on Levi’s right arm. We had to wait one day so that we could see the results, but they weren’t exactly what we expected]

Hange:

Levi:

Erwin:

Hange: *Bursts out laughing* OH MY... I CAN’T...! ERWIN, WHAT THE... AND LEVI WHY...

[It all looked like I had committed a mistake- which I had. I poured the wrong liquid into them and it had the opposite effect: Their hair had grown bigger. Larger and thicker. Way bigger. Levi’s right arm was all of it covered in hair. Almost like fur. And Erwin... Well....]

Erwin: HANGE, WHAT DID YOU DO? *As he says this, his eyebrow hair wiggle*

Hange: *Laughing harder* ERWIIIIIIN DON’T MOVE

Erwin: Don’t give me orders, Zoe! *Moves his head from side to side, which makes his eyebrow hair wiggle more*

Hange: *Unable to breathe*

Levi: Hange, this is not funny.

Hange: IT IS, MR. WEREWOLF

Levi: ...What did you just call me?

Hange: *Wheezing*

Erwin: *Turns around to see Levi, his eyebrows, again, moving awkwardly* Do I look ugly?

Levi: *Moves his hand to his mouth to hold back laughter* N-No, not at all... Do I?

Erwin: *Eyes him* Um, no, it could have been worse.

Hange: *Starting to calm down, raises her hand and places it on her forehead* I can’t believe what I have done!

Levi: Yeah, me neither.

Erwin: Can you fix it?

Hange: I don’t... I don’t know...

Levi: I will make this easier for you: If you don’t fix it, your face will be printed on Wall Sina for the next century.

Hange:

Hange: I CAN’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, YOUR ARM IS FULL OF HAIR *Starts laughing again*

Levi: Yes and it’s YOUR FAULT.

Erwin: YES.

Hange: *Stops laughing* My fault?

Levi: Yes, your fault. You came here with your “Oh Levi, don’t worry, it’s innocuous” and I believed it! Until it wasn’t, it was fucking nocuous!

Hange: Do you even know the definition of nocuous? I MADE YOU NO HARM

Levi: I WILL MAKE YOU HARM

Hange: WHAT? You’re gonna hit me with your FUR ARM?

Erwin: *gasp*

Levi: *Frows and glares*

Hange: Are you turning into a wolf? I only see you half-turned!

Levi: I was pretty sure you were just a half-turned dumbass, but NOW I see you’re a WHOLE DUMBASS

Erwin: *Gasps again*

Hange: At least I am a WHOLE something, and not HALF the average human HEIGHT!

Erwin: *Terrified gasp*

Levi: *Growls* I AM on the average, you’re just a BIG ASS TREE!

Erwin: *Half gasps, stops abruptly* Wait, are you insulting tall people?!

Hange: *Looks at Erwin*

Levi: *Looks at him, too*

Both: *Burst out laughing*

Levi: I am so sorry... you’re just... incredibly amusing...

Hange: THEY’RE HUGE-

Levi: They have always been-

Hange: Yeah but like ten times bigger-

Erwin: *Leaves the place angry and pouting*

Hange: *Still laughing* Don’t forget to shave them off!

----------

(Current time)

Ymir: *On the floor, again* Y’ALL ARE HURTING MY LUNGS...

Krista: *Intense concern* Why did you do that?

Jean: *Genuinely crying* WHY

Connie and Sasha, on top of each other: *Laughing ’till crying*

Eren: *Still in shock, unable to react*

Mikasa: *Cackling on Armin’s shoulder, trying to hide herself*

Armin: Why. Just why.

Bertholdt, traumatized: That I can picture.

Reiner: *Laughing out loud on the floor, basically dead*

Levi: Congrats, Hange, you broke them.

Ymir: But like! Half-turned dumbass! I CAN’T!

Hange, giggling from the memory: Yes, I think I did.

Eren: Miss Hange, please tell me you fixed it.

Hange: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell.... actually-

Levi: She made it worse.

----------

In case you were wondering, YES she made it worse. This chapter was supposed to be larger but I had some (a lot) problems with Tumblr. I hoped that it was enough, though. Remember; if you liked it, please consider reblogging, it really helps!😄. I promise it will get better within the next chapters, don’t give up on me💙! Hope you enjoyed it- Bye👀💙.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #writing dialogue #listing characters; #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #krista lenz #historia reiss #connie springer #sasha braus #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #reiner braun #bertholdt hoover #ymir snk #armin arlert #nanaba snk #mike zacharias #mike zakarius #gelgar snk #Can be tagged as; #stupid humor #Pre-Dad Levi #Ymir is a mood #Erwin's eyebrows are characters themselves #snk fanfiction #mystuff

[nnq]

modern!au k(lance)

they're all in their 20's except for Shiro who's 30 and coran who's 50

first of all. miss me with that 'pining roommate' shit. I love miscommunication and making characters that r sexy bffs with one another

Lance meets Nyma through a Craigslist ad he put up saying he needed a roommate. the moment they met was a tragedy for everyone but them because they're that powerful and beautiful

lance with tousled hair, wearing a half-unbuttoned silk shirt and designer jeans, Michael kors sunglasses pushed up atop his head, arm wrapped around nyma: hi guys this is my roommate, nyma!

nyma, with her blonde 3-ft long box braids down her back, perfectly manicured red nails, bodycon dress and loubitons, hand on lances waist: hey

allura, shaking and on the verge of tears: STOP MAKING US LOOK POOR AND UGLY

Lance is in school for marine biology and Nyma works as a hairdresser and the both of them are small beauty gurus on YouTube that collab with one another

lance: hey guys we're going to be trying out the new anastasia pallete we got today :)!

nyma: and by got we mean shoplifted from sephora

lance: NYMA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT

they're also insta baddies and both gender non-conforming baddies. Nyma is a nonbinary lesbian icon and lance is a nonbinary bicon.... those are like the fucking BEST senses of style

anyone with eyes can see that nyma is into and ONLY into girls but of course... heteronormativity.

rolo: I still don't get why you're dating lance. he's super annoying.

nyma: he doesn't bitch nearly as much as you even when he's got my cock in his ass

they do this thing where when people assume they're a couple they pretend they're some kind of kink couple and freak everyone out

which is why when hunk and pidge meet nyma they're like :eyes: but when nyma flirts with pidge lance doesn't even bat an eye and then lance starts pining about Keith's greasy mullet and his bags under his eyes and nymas got this look on her face that perfectly resembles a man who's lost all sense of normalcy and righteousness in his life and now sits in a bar every night listening to this dumb romance novel type shit and then pidge and hunk are like. oh. no they're just gay.

speaking of keith. he's one of those gays. one of the quirky emo gays that never sleeps and listens to 'coffee and cigarettes' on repeat and has like 3 strings of lights in his room and not only is an art major but ALSO a photographer. and yet somehow he still has the will to wake up at 5 am every morning and go to the gym like some kind of HEATHEN.

Lance knew Keith in high school for 3 years until he got expelled for fighting at the end of his junior year. He was also universally crushed on and was the bad boy jock of the school with a heart of gold so naturally Lance pretended to despise him so he could pine for him in peace

that all goes down the drain when Lance recognizes Keith in one of his classes and goes through the five stages of grief because a) he's hot and b) Lance is openly bi now so he doesn't have an escuse to not tolerate him

(He wasn't gonna do anything about it until he was put in a group with Keith a few weeks into class and he off handedly mentioned he went to Keiths high school, and Keith claimed he didn't remember him, and Lance was just a tad bit upset but was gonna leave it at that except after like 5 days of working together Keith slams his fists into the table and is like 'HOLY FUCK LANCE MCCLAIN?' And Lance is like. w. What.)

turns out Keith does remember lance. very vividly, actually. because he was the guy that everyone kind of had a crush on because he was so nice and charming to everyone he met, and Keith was SO gone for him. he just didn't recognize him tbh, which makes sense, bcuz in high school lance wore blue contacts and had straight hair and now he just wears glasses occasionally and leaves his hair wavy. Keith is gay and stupid don't blame him

keith, bursting into Shiro and Adams apartment at 2 pm: SHIRO HOLY FUCK

adam, bags under his eyes, underneath the covers of him and shiros bed: good fucking god not again

I'm tired of talking about ppl other than Lance and nyma though so I'm gonna talk about them for a bit because im love

as I said Lance has wavy hair and his actual eye color is brown but as he was growing up he was hella insecure about it that's why he wore blue contacts.... nyma caught him once trying to put them on again and put an end to All That Real Quick

nyma has brown eyes too and they're super dark, almost black, and that shits breathtaking bro. she usually has her real hair dyed blonde all the time and permed but she also likes to wear wigs and get braids too because she knows she looks damn good in them. everyone is jealous.

lance has tons of super light freckles. Enough said. nyma has a birthmark on her hip that's kind of shaped like a horse if you look at it from the right way

lance: you were a horse girl as a kid weren't u

nyma: how fucking dare. how fucking dare you say that. I really do have to laugh.......

nyma: obviously I was a warrior cats stan

lance's sense of fashion ranges from 'i went to California for a week once and now I can't stop wearing sweatpants and slides' to 'It's surprising I haven't gotten robbed at this point'. Lance is a scholarship baby so all the money he saved up through countless jobs and the one he already has at a coffee shop almost exclusively goes to clothes and kombucha

Nymas sense of style is definitely more on the eccentric side but since she looks good in EVERYTHING she gets away with it. think dollskill but with more neon colors and designer. she's the kind of person that never wears the same shade of lipstick for a whole month and has a box full of makeup palletes that are almost untouched and everyone who has seen it is both jealous and in wonder FENTYWAYS...

Keith goes over to lance's apartment for a project of sorts and immediately assumes that Lance and Nyma are a thing (they're very platonically affectionate, Nyma will kiss lance's cheek and they cuddle sometimes) which is disappointing but it's not a surprise considering Lance is so Lance and everyone else acts like they are dating so that must be the case, right?

lmao you thought.

nyma: holy shit. holy Fuck. God, allura is so hot. I would probably die if she brushed past me. I would die happily knowing I've been blessed by the touch of an angel.

lance: yeah haha she's really pretty.

keith, struggling to not choke on his coffee hearing All This at 9:31 A.M. in starbucks:

Keith asks if he can take photos of the two of them for his photography insta and they both jump on it so they can flex being sexy and afterwards Lance thanks him with a kiss on the cheek and Keith is sent REELING into gay mayhem.

lance: do you think that was like..... too much.

nyma: i think men are dumb that's what.

I mean u can't really blame Keith because Lance and Nyma are constantly joke-flirting with one another on social media and are in almost every one of the others photos in some way, or at least tagged, so by the time Keith actually works up the nerve to ask about that, it's been WEEKS since Lance kissed him and he's been miserably failing to ignore it

keith: so.... how's nyma doing?

lance: she's good! She's spent all day dying one of her wigs so she went for a coffee run lol. probably will hang with allura and shay later too

keith: and.... that doesn't make you jealous?

lance: LOL no.... they could never compete with me (talking about being Nyma's best friend)

keith: oh.... well, it's good that you trust each other a lot in your relationship.... you seem like a really good boyfriend

lance: wat the fuck did you just say.

as soon as lance explains that nyma is not his gf and they're just bffs Keith is like ohthankgod.jpg and almost accidentally asks lance on a date before he stops himself and is like.... dumb gay bitch calm DOOOWWWNN

after that it becomes very obvious that nyma and lance r just friends at least for Keith mostly through dumb shit they say to one another

lance, sitting with hunk, pidge, and Keith at the library: hey guys wanna see something cool.

pidge: go for it

lance, clearing his throat: she think she bad but I'm better, these bitches tryna play catch up-

nyma, coming out of nowhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING LIL BITCH, PUT YO HEAD DOWN WHEN YOU TALK TO A PIMP-

Nyma and Lance have self-care nights every Friday, sometimes Allura or Shay will come, and very RARELY Keith if only to spend time with Lance. also? Allura and Shay are dating, die mad about it.

They do waxing, exfoliation, mud masks, moisturizing treatments, hair masks, painting nails.... need I go on. it's basically whatever they want to do that week and when Keith reluctantly agrees to participate one day Lance goes mental

lance: OK so here's what I'm thinking. it's obvious you haven't really had a self care day for a while, which is like, fine, you do you, but holy shit are your split ends bad. I was thinking maybe I could trim them and then we could do a hair mask? Oh! A face mask would be good as well, even though you've practically got perfect skin. I'd offer to wax but for first timers the pain is a bitch to handle on the face. I'm not sure if you'd be an acrylic kind of guy but I have some black nail polish that I could put on- wow, your hands are really big compared to mine, and they're so soft, haha, isn't that crazy? so what do you think?

keith, still reeling from the fact that lance is going to touch his hair, face, and hands in the next several hours: uh......yeah..... sounds great.

nyma, sitting on lance's bed in nothing but a bra and sweatpants, smoking a blunt and readjusting her sheet mask: *long exhale* christ

Shay got Lance into the whole healthy organic food thing and in turn he got Nyma into it so they're both the bitches who drink nothing but Fiji water and almond milk and will offer you a plate of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes as a snack. we Stan a vegan couple.

keith: these are actually really good.

nyma: we usually put them on our eyes, but go off I guess.

keith:

nyma: nah I'm just fucking with you, we have different cucumbers for that

by the end of the night Keith feels like he's been cleaned by a car wash and he's dizzy from all of lance's thoughtless affection and when lance says he can stay the night because it's already late, Keith mindlessly blurts out 'only if it's with you' and nymas like.... um. Wig.

keith, laying stiff as a board on one side of lance's bed: uh

lance: oh my God you gay bitch get over here and spoon me. also kiss me on the fucking lips bro.

Nyma owns a cat named Beezer that she stole from her old roommate (rolo) but calls her beebo because quote 'beezer is so fucking lame bro i hate men'. Lance owns a Russian blue mix called, you guessed it, Blue, that he found stuck in his apartments basement only a few days after moving in. Nyma and Lance are WEAK

lance: ohhhhh look at my pretty baby sitting on the table all cute and relaxed!!! look at that baby!!! fantastic stuff!

nyma, putting her head on beebos belly: You Are So Soft And So Chubby I Would Die For You

pidge would also die for the both of them

OK I'm tired and uninspired so I'll stop here but I MAY ADD MORE LATER

#klance #voltron #voltron tw #voltron au #lance #keith

[sasukebarmitzvah]

teleplay: boruto episode 102? whatever number is next idgaf

(SCENE: midday, indoor. we are in the hokages office. UZUMAKI NARUTO, the seventh hokage, sits at his desk, his hairline receding, his fingers interlocked beneath his chin. his lips are pursed, as if he is thinking hard about something. by his side stands NARA SHIKAMARU, carrying himself as if he were dick cheney. SHIKAMARU strokes his goatee thoughtfully. he turns to speak to NARUTO.)

SHIKAMARU: lord hokage. What are your thoughts

NARUTO: my what

SHIKAMARU: so i have to do fucking everything in this relationship it's always give give give for me never take

NARUTO: no my thoughts on what

SHIKAMARU: oh thank god theres still something there under that ugly bald scalp of yours. your thoughts on who to send out on the very important a rank mission weve just been assigned

NARUTO: have you SEEN your hairline? stones from glass houses, shikamaru. stones from glass houses

SHIKAMARU: answer me

NARUTO: i dont know just send whoever you think is best

SHIKAMARU: (quietly seething)

(beat)

NARUTO: ...aaaaand SCENE!

SHIKAMARU (staring at naruto): what

NARUTO: scene. like the scene ended. like i was acting and i just ended the scene.

(NARUTO takes off hokage hat and throws it across the room. it knocks over a lamp.)

SHIKAMARU: excuse me?

NARUTO: i was acting?

(He rips off his hair, which has been a wig the whole time. he peels the bald cap off his head, revealing under it his hair, which reaches all the way down to his ass.)

NARUTO: here. catch.

(He throws his wig at SHIKAMARU, who is taken off guard. the wig hits him limply in the face and thumps on the floor.)

SHIKAMARU: naruto what is going on

NARUTO (making shooing motion with his hand): shikamaru fetch me my divorce papers

(He takes out his ninja phone and makes a call. He puts the call on speaker, totally ignoring the fact that SHIKAMARU is still in the room.)

NARUTO (into the phone): SASUKEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! how is my sweetie pumpkin sugar angel honey pie cream puff doing

SASUKE (voice tinny, over the phone): NARUTOOOO oh im great babe sweetie pie poo poo kitten cutie usuratonkachi. have you been using the hair conditioner i sent you?

NARUTO (tossing his hair): of course babe it is soft as silk, as is your beautiful face

SASUKE: mwah!

SHIKAMARU (abject horror): im going to throw up. Im literally going to throw up all over this office. Like right now. I am going to vomit all over you and everything you love. Ninja jesus christ.

NARUTO (ignoring him): yeah so be waiting by the gates in a few minutes, i'm almost done. can't wait to see you babe mwah

(He hangs up.)

NARUTO: my divorce papers, shikamaru?

(SHIKAMARU flips through a stack of papers on the desk. He pulls out a file labeled "NARUTOS SECRET DIVORCE PAPERS SHH NOBODY CAN KNOW" and hands it to naruto.)

SHIKAMARU: might i ask... what is going on

NARUTO: silly shikamaru tisk tisk you know its always been my dream to be an Actore

(He signs a few places on the papers with a flourish and pushes the file into SHIKAMARU'S chest.)

SHIKAMARU (fumbling): i actually havent but go on

NARUTO: well i just ended my greatest performance yet.

SHIKAMARU: performance?

NARUTO: fifteen years in the making, shikamaru.

(NARUTO climbs onto the desk for emphasis. He tries to stand up and hits his head on the ceiling.)

SHIKAMARU: and that would be?

NARUTO (turns to window): Heterosexuality.

SHIKAMARU: excuse me?

NARUTO: hinata the marriage the balding the everything it was all a sham it was all a SHAM. and now ive ended it and i am free of my shackles once and for all

SHIKAMARU: youre leaving? how can you do this to your family? hinata? your kids? what will the village do? whos gonna be hokage?

NARUTO: who gives a shit you basically do my job for me already. also hinata and sakura have been hooking up for years now so you can just leave those divorce papers on the kitchen counter for her so she can take care of them asap

SHIKAMARU: so... sasuke? All this time?

NARUTO: who else dumbass. ok shut up i have to go it's not very nice of me to keep him waiting this long

SHIKAMARU: well im not going to try to stop you because frankly im not sure if any of this is real or if i care. so. where are you going

NARUTO: sasuke and i are going to go club orochimaru to death with his own arms do you wanna come we could always use the extra manpower

(NARUTO steps off the desk and onto the ledge of the window.)

SHIKAMARU: you know what i think ill pass but have fun bro

NARUTO: ok cool you do you. oh by the way your wife is a lesbian!!

(He jumps out the window.)

(Scene)

#e

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “The Bucket List” part 3

Two months after breaking up with The Joker, you found out the bad news. You didn’t have a choice but to ask for his help and J didn’t even show up for the meeting. Of course he didn’t care, but now that he heard why you wanted to see him so badly, it might be too late for any amendments.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161143650396/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list

Part 2: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161379886591/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list-part-2

J is sleeping with his head against your chest, completely out of it. He likes to do this lately since a lot of times he can’t really tell if you’re still breathing or not. Even if your blood pressure gets really low, he can at least hear your heartbeat and knows you’re alive.

Suddenly, he yanks at your waist so hard it wakes you up and you start coughing in a frenzy, startled.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you ask, trying to calm down and J gasps for air, opening his eyes to look at you.

“I dreamed that you died,” he snuggles to your body even more, panting.

“It was a nightmare; I’m here,” you kiss his forehead and manage to stop coughing. You peek at the clock: only 6am. “We should sleep in, it’s very early.”

The Joker just growls and rubs his eyes, uneasy for a few more moments.

“I’m gonna miss you…” you whisper in his ear.

“I’m not going anywhere, Pumpkin,” he yawns, exhausted.

“But  I am…” you sadly smile and he frowns, watching you attempt to get comfortable in his arms.

“NO!” J utters, covering your mouth. “You’re staying with me, OK?”

You don’t reply and he lets go. You feel the need to get it all out before it’s too late:

“I really wanted a baby…with your eyes and my hair. Remember how pretty my hair used to be?”

He doesn’t know what to say and you continue:

“I know you wanted a boy, I’m sorry I can’t have children in the state I’m in…” and you take a deep breath, struggling not to cry.

“Don’t worry about it, Princess, I don’t care,” he grumbles and you peck his lips, getting more and more upset: “I don’t want to die…” you finally bring it up for the first time ever and bite on your tongue really hard so you won’t start sobbing.

“Jesus, kid, I won’t let you die, OK?!” J strives to comfort you and squeezes you in his arms harder.

“Do you think I’ll make it to my 37th birthday?” you whimper, worried about the gloomy future.

“For God’s sake, of course you will! And then you’ll make it to another one, and another one, and another one… I promise!” he lifts your chin up so you can look at him.

“Really?” you gulp, staring in his blue eyes.

“Yes, I promise!” he insists and you bury your face in his neck, wanting to point out the truth:

“You’re such a shitty liar…” and you sniffle, quietly crying on his skin.

J would like to say more, but decides it’s better to change the subject since he feels flustered himself.

“Did you just wipe your nose on my shoulder?!”

“M-maybe…” you stammer, snorting.

“That’s just gross, Doll. I put up with a lot of stuff, but I have to draw a line here, alright?” he elbows you and you retreat to your pillow so you can see him better.

“You should let your hair grow,” you suggest, stroking his shaved head, actually wanting to talk about something else too. “I don’t want to!” he huffs, tracing your jawline with his fingers. “I miss your green hair, you know that?” you admit, playing with his diamond earring.

“Meh, I don’t,” he grumbles, stubborn as always.

“You think I should wear wigs?” you crinkle your nose, not excited at your own proposal.

“Nahhh, I like you bald, I got used to it. This way we match, hm?”

“That’s good,” you sigh, relieved,” because I don’t want to wear wigs. If it’s not my hair, I don’t want it.”

“Wise decision, Pumpkin. I mean, you look decent enough, especially with makeup on. I have high standards and I had to lower them for you. The sacrifices I make…I’m so selfless and altruistic, a true gentleman and an exemplary boyfriend.”

You watch him with your mouth open, intrigued. You don’t even notice you’re not crying anymore.

“What?!”

“You heard me, you naughty minx. You’re suuuuch a lucky woman,” he eagerly mentions. “Do you know how many girls are waiting in line to get a piece of this?” J scoffs with an attitude.

You turn around towards the glass sliding door, glaring outside at the deserted back yard, not even a bird this early in the morning.

“Wow, so many women willing to take on The Clown Prince of Crime,” you pretend to be surprised. “We do have a huge line on the patio. Which one do you want?”

He snickers and you giggle, finally amused.

“Shut up, Y/N,” he shifts you towards him again, locking his arms around your neck.“Let’s sleep in so zip it. Oh, and for the record: this was the worst pillow talk we ever had!”

You indifferently blink, liking the idea of having a lazy morning:

“It wasn’t that bad…What worries me though is all those women waiting to get you; we should give them numbers, I don’t want them to fight about who goes first,” you kiss him and he purrs, annoyed.

“I am a very wanted man!”

“Yeah, by the cops and Batsy…” you mutter and J smirks, victorious:

“Still counts!!”

“If you say so…”

After 10 minutes

“J…?”

“Hm?”

“After I die, can you please get a girlfriend that’s not as pretty as me?” you beg, anguished.

“Shush!” and he slaps your butt; The Joker absolutely hates it when you bring this up.

“At least you’ll be able to have children…” you ignore his warning, sensing another wave of hurtful feelings washing all over you.

“Cut it out, Y/N!”

“I…I hope your kids are ugly!!!!” you have an outburst while he rolls his eyes, irritated. But he knows you’re depressed and he knows the reason why: yesterday, your blood tests came back bad (again) and the weekly doctor visit didn’t go to too well either. All after you tried 3 new drugs that supposedly worked OK in the experimental phase but didn’t do anything for you and it’s discouraging.

****************

After waking up, you are both hanging out in the kitchen. You are looking at the breakfast food that Frost dropped off, not wanting to eat one single item; you’re already nauseated. A bunch of your favorites and it almost makes you gag. You study the lab results, sulking, wishing for once there was some kind of improvement.

“Eat something, Pumpkin,” J urges you, taking a bite out of a fresh bagel.

“I’m not hungry,” you sigh, reading without seeing anything but demoralizing news.

“You have to eat, that’s why you’re so skinny,” he gives you a cup of coffee and you take a sip to please him.

“I’m not skinny because I’m not eating and you know it…” you speak in a low voice, licking your lips. He decides not to reply. “J…?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t mean it when I said I want your kids to be ugly…”

“Drop it, Kitten!” he pouts, moving some strawberries on a small plate.

“But…how can they be cute if I’m not their mom?…” you swallow your tears and take deep breaths, trying to cool down.

“I said drop it!” J barks and you gaze at the yummy goodies he put together for you, nibbling on a muffin, this way he won’t complain you’re not eating. He watches how much you struggle to pretend you’re alright after he cut you off and doesn’t like it.

“Did it hurt, Princess?” The Joker winks, getting your attention.

“Huh?”

“Did it hurt?” “What baby?” you inquire, confused.

“When that portal from hell opened and you spawned through it right into my life,” he grins, very confident in his seduction technique.

Your eyes get big and you chuckle, then actually start laughing, entertained.

“You have the worst pickup lines, but I actually like this one! Do you have more?” you suggest he keeps going, placing your elbows on the counter and checking him out in those gray sweatpants that keep on sliding down every time he moves. J never bothers to tighten the string.

“Excuse you, Doll,” he huffs, “if my pickup lines are horrible, then why are you blushing?!”

“I’m not blushing, I have hot flashes from my pills,” you defend you rosy cheeks, flattered.

“Nonsense! You’re all worked up about it, don’t lie!”

You hop on the counter and crawl on his side, eager to touch your boyfriend. He drags you in front of him and you sit up there while holding his hands, curious to hear what’s next:

“Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” he roars and you bounce your legs, excited.

“Hehehehe,” you giggle on his chest and he tries not to laugh.

“Is there a mirror in your pants, Doll? Cause I can see myself in them,” he pulls on your bottom lip and you bite his finger, feeling your cheeks getting warmer.

“It’s the hot flashes,” you try to defend yourself and he is not buying it.

“Don’t think so!” he tugs on your tank top, preparing his lethal weapon: “Princess, you turn my software into hardware.”

You snort so loud it echoes all over the place.

“Oh my God, this is terrible!” you shake your head, though fascinated at how bad it sounded.

“No, for reals, you do!” J hums in your ear and you look down at his crotch.

“A-ha, I can tell!”

“You’re such a perv, Pumpkin; my eyes are up here,” the cocky answer comes without hesitation. You kiss his Jester tattoo and walk your fingers down his abs, anxious to do something about this new spin on your morning. The anti-nausea meds you took are starting to work so might as well take advantage; who knows how many times you’ll be able to sleep with him before…

The Joker gets you out of your daze:

“Wow, Y/N, you seem so desperate to get me naked; don’t you have any pride left?!”

“Not really,” you brazenly admit and moan when you feel his hands all over you.

“You’re a good kisser, kid,” J parts from your lips and takes off your tank top, tossing it on the chair.

“For sure,” you approve, sliding back more so he can get on the counter too. He starts kissing his way down your waist and you scream.

“You’re starting early, I like it…Daddy’s  gonna make you…”

You scream louder:

“Spider!!!”

“Huh?!”

“Spider!!!!!” you point behind him and he turns his head to look: there is indeed a little creature crossing the wall on top of the sink. “Do something, baby, I hate spiders!!!” you shiver under him, getting goosebumps.

“For God’s sake, woman, I’m trying to have sex here!” he mutters, aggravated at the interruption.

“I hate spiders! Please kill it!!!!” you implore, digging your nails in his back.

“All the stuff you use to do before you got sick and you’re still afraid of spiders?!” J gets off the counter and you cling to him, stiff as a board:

“I detest these insects; so nasty, ewwww. Please kill it!” you beg once more, choking the life out of him. He grabs a tissue from the box, heading over to grant your wish while your legs are squeezing his waist with a strength he didn’t think you have left in you; both your arms are wrapped around his neck super tight - you definitely are tense and disgusted.

The Joker smooshes the culprit and now it’s resting in peace in the trashcan where it belongs.

“Happy now?” he grins, heading back towards the counter.

“Thank you, baby, I really can’t stand those beasts! You really are my knight in shining armor.”

“Told ya’!” he puffs, full of himself. “Any more crap I have to kill before we get down to business?”

“No, I think we’re good now,” your body finally relaxes when you are placed back on the countertop and he can finally breathe normal again.

“You still have a mean grip, you know that? You certainly have your skills Doll,” J praises you, actually surprised on how powerful your clasp was.

“Of course I still have them, just didn’t use them in forever. I’m not completely useless, OK?” you smack your lips and he is fast to push you on your back, smirking.

“Less talk and more action, Princess! The only word I wanna hear you scream is my name, understood?”

“Spider!!!!” you shout, teasing, and then surrender under his weight.

“Ha! Funny!” he growls, yearning to have you once more.

*******************

When the night comes, you can’t sleep at all. You keep on tossing and turning, somber thoughts flooding your mind. You decide to go in the backyard and walk it off because you don’t want to keep J up with your restlessness. He isn’t actually sleeping, just pretends and watches as you march out there in your sheer white nightgown, deep in meditation. Just like a ghost, he catches himself thinking and his heart aches but doesn’t want to pay attention to the feeling.

Your frail shape stops in the front of the roses you love so much and you drop in the grass, not feeling the chill, staring at everything without seeing. The Joker sneaks outside, aware you are probably freezing and drags you back in, while you silently follow his steps.

Once you’re in bed under the covers, he’s trying to get you warm and for the first time he’s not telling you to shut up when you speak up about things you really want to get off your chest. All your dying wishes, the most personal and intimate emotions meant only for his ears are whispered in a soft, low voice. You keep on going, relived you got such a heavy burden off your shoulders.

“I left you everything. After I die, all the funds from my estate will go into that account that belongs to the mysterious Jack Green we both know,” you caress his face and he grinds his teeth in denial.

“I don’t want your money…”

You disregard the words.

“It will come from Mrs. Emily Green, you know how much I always loved this identity. So when you see the wire transfer with that name, it will be from me. I already made the arrangements, I’m not changing my will; it’s signed. I can’t take the money with me, might as well give it to someone I care about. Keep this house and use it, yes? I really love it, nobody will bother you here, it’s a very good hideout. And try not to get yourself killed, ok? You’re so impulsive…”

“You’re more impulsive than me!” J sneers because for the first time in his life he’s at a lack of words.

“Used to be. I didn’t do anything crazy in so long it actually makes me the mellow one. Go figure!” you joke, not even sad for the moment being. It’s just so natural to let it all out.

“I really don’t want your money nor the house…I’m not gonna let you die, so there’s no need for any of this, Doll,” your boyfriend studies your reactions, intrigued.

“That’s nice… it almost sounds like you love me or something,” you tease, cozy on the fluffy pillows.

“I doubt it,” he furrows his invisible eyebrows, uneasy.

“Tell you what, baby: after I die, if you miss me so much it hurts it means that you loved me; if not, you should be fine,” the simple explanation is fast to follow and the abrupt reply makes you whimper:

“It already hurts…”

“Well,” you manage to stay strong and not burst into tears,” now that we both found out the answer to this crucial problem, I think we can rest, hm?”

“I’m so tired…” is the only thing he says before electing to inform you: “I have a meeting with him again tomorrow night.”

“NO!!!” you jump up, shaking J to show your disapproval. “NO!! Don’t go!! Stop meeting him! Stop going! It will be an ambush or something, you’ll get captured and locked away and I will die alone! …I-I can’t die alone!!!” you scream, alarmed.

“We are meeting on neutral ground, he won’t try anything. Never did before. And Princess, I’ve set forces in motion you can’t even imagine,” he tries to calm you down while you shake with anxiety. ”I know he might have something for you that I can’t get my hands on. This time, he’s the one that requested the meeting so I think he’s going to use that as leverage to negotiate some kind of terms about his precious Gotham and all the poor souls he has the audacity to believe he protects.”

“No, no way! He’s bluffing, he has nothing for me! Don’t go! Please! He just wants to catch you and take you away and I… just can’t die alone…” you nervously bite on your nails, hopelessly trying to make him change his mind.

“Kitten, you know I don’t leave anything to chance. I’m going and you can’t stop me!!”

“No, please don’t go!” you keep on imploring, scared for this new plan he seems very decided to carry on. “What if it’s a trap? I can’t afford to lose you, I can’t…I just can’t die alone…please?”

“There’s no trap, and even if it were, I’m prepared. Don’t worry, I got it all covered. When do I ever put myself in danger for no reason?”

“Like…all the time!” you gulp, scratching your arm in denial. “Don’t go…”

J signals you to place your head on his chest and you comply, being so worked up you’re wheezing; it’s so difficult to breathe and this doesn’t help.

“Don’t stress out, Pumpkin…I won’t let you die!” The Joker reinforces his declaration, wishing you would unwind and go back to sleep.

*****************

He’s been gone all morning and you have no idea where he went; no answer to your texts or calls, probably getting ready for tonight. You hear the sliding glass door and turn towards the patio, guessing it’s him. You take a few steps and freeze, confused: he walks inside holding a girl’s hand. She is very pretty, well dressed and seems nervous.

“Who is this?!” you narrow your eyes, baffled.

“This Doll, is my future girlfriend. After you die, she’ll take your place. Wanna look around, honey?” he winks at the girl and you resentfully gasp. “All this will be yours after Y/N is gone from the picture. Lovely home, you’ll enjoy it,” he gropes her and you crack your neck, walking towards them with a menacing demeanor.

“Get her out of my fucking house!!” you mutter through your clenched teeth, grinding your jaw so hard it’s painful.

She tries to escape J’s hold but he keeps her near:

“Don’t move!” he commands, pissed when she whines:

“Mister J, I don’t want to be here…Please let me go…”

You are getting closer.

“Get out or I’ll break your neck! I might be weak but I can still do it! GET OUT!!!” you shout at the woman and J tightens his grip on her.

“Don’t move!” he warns and as she struggles to escape. “My current girl here,” the Prince of Crime nods his head towards you,” has it ALL figured out for me: she plans to die and I’m supposed to get a new girlfriend, have kids and leave happily ever after. I’ll even inherit her fortune, which is substantial, I assure you,” he turns his icy glaze towards you and you almost can’t hear: your heart is beating so fast and loud it’s deafening.

“Get out or I swear I’m going to kill you!!!” your voice alerts in such a threatening way she finally uses all her strength to yank her hand away from his and backs out, taking advantage of the fact that you stopped in front of J as the perfect moment to escape the house.

“What the hell are you doing???” you yell at him on a verge of a nervous breakdown; this is the last thing that you need.

He smiles in such an eerie way and has the nerve to pretend it’s the most normal question when it comes out of his mouth:

“Are you jealous?”

“Wha’……????” you are taken aback, not understanding what’s going on. “What is the meaning of all this ??”

“ARE. YOU. JEALOUS?” J pronounces each word in a strange manner and you can tell he’s mad. And so are you.

“Yes, I’m jealous!” you blur out, wanting to slap him so badly. “What games are you playing??!! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You know why you’re jealous?” he continues, disregarding your justified tirade.

“???!!”

What’s going on? you think, completely out of it.

“Let me enlighten you, Princess,” he grumbles, annoyed. “You are jealous because you’re still alive, do you even understand what it means anymore? Stop making plans for me, stop talking about dying and give me a break! I’m sick of listening to all of it! You’re still here!” and him charging at you and kissing you passionately like he didn’t see you in years takes you by surprise. You respond to the kiss, unable to hear your own thoughts or react in any other way.

“Did you feel that?” he breaths on your lips and you moan a faint yes. “Great! It means that you’re alive!” he pushes you away, annoyed and heads over to exit the backyard, not before kicking a few bottles with your meds on the floor.

“Who’s that girl?” you raise your voice and he is already out, barely bothering to satisfy your curiosity:

“How the hell should I know?! Just a dancer at the club!”

You have no clue about what got into him, but you stood there petrified for a good 30 minutes.

*******************

11:30pm- neutral ground located behind the abandoned highway 205

“Finally! You’re 6 minutes late!” J jumps off the hood of his purple Lamborghini when he notices Batman emerging from the shadows. “Do you have it?” he stretches, pretending to be indifferent but in fact very alert.

“I do,” the distorted voice lets him know as his nemesis stops at a safe distance, only a few feet away.

“Does it work?” The Joker wants to know right away.

“It does. And I’m the only one that has access to it. Experiments showed amazing results, not certain if it will ever reach the medical market. If it does, it will be at least 5 more years,” Bruce Wayne explains as fast as he can.

“My girl doesn’t have 5 years!” he barks, straitening his back. “I assume you wanted to meet because you want to bargain? What do you want in exchange?”

His silver teeth glisten under the flickering neon light, the shaved head giving him even a more psychotic aura.

“Every month you stay put and don’t cause trouble, you get a month worth of the medication. Plain and simple,” Batman replies.

A vague cackle, then a louder laugher followed by full blown temperamental outpouring of lunacy:

“Awww, such a good deal!” The Joker claps his hands, faking his happiness. “But I have even a better proposal !” his blue eyes get big with anticipation. “I’ve been reeeeeally busy in the last 2 months; let’s say Gotham may or may not be under an imminent attack. Certain people may or may not have placed explosives all over the place: residential homes, bridges, schools, hospitals, anything you can think of. You will never be able to find all of them!! Something happens and I don’t get the med, it all goes to shit ! Would you prefer your precious city goes down in the same time or piece by piece?” he snickers with an evil grimace.

“Don’t push it !” Bruce Wayne snaps, tossing a vial containing your much needed remedy towards his adversary and J catches it mid air, placing it in his pocket.

“Don’t make me!!!” he growls, retreating back into his car and driving away into the night while The Batman debates if The King of Gotham is bluffing or not. Knowing him, probably not.

******************

“Go tell your mom she’s needed for important paperwork in the master bedroom after you fall asleep tonight, OK?” J urges his 4 year old son to go outside in the garden where you sit on a blanket under the tree, reading.

Kaden runs over, stumbling with anticipation, eager to give you the news:

“Moooommm!!!!” he screams up a storm and lands in your lap, excited: “Dad said you have paperwork tonight!”

You and The Joker love to use him as a messenger; he’s absolutely adorable and even if the poor kid doesn’t remember everything he’s supposed to say when he runs from one parent to the other, it’s still awesome and it makes your day.

“Go tell Daddy that’s fine,” you smile, kissing his cheek and he gets up, rushing inside to communicate the update:

“Daaaaddd!!!!!” he almost staggers and falls on the carpet, “Mommy said OK!!!”

“Goody!! Hey, com’ere!” J signals him and Kaden giggles, jumping up and down until he gets picked up and sat on the table. “Now go ask your mom if she wants another baby, don’t let me down, alright?” The Joker puckers his lips, winking at the little boy. He reaches for the nearby drawer, takes out a piece of paper and scribbles on it, then hands it over to his son. “Give her this too, ok? Us, guys, have to help each other, hm?”

“Yes, dad!” the little boy passes his fingers through his father’s green hair, enthusiastic he has such an important task. 

Once he is put back on the ground, Kaden races over to you:

“Daddy wanted to know if you want another baby,” he sniffles, covering his mouth with his small hands.

You roll your eyes and look down at your 4 month pregnant bump, mumbling:

“Soooo funny… Anyway, mommy’s too old so after your brother is born, that’s it.”

Your son snickers and pulls on your hair that now reaches down to your shoulders, making you pay attention to the paper he’s giving you.

“From daddy,” he explains and you take it, unfolding the note. You gasp when you realize it’s your old Bucket List, now having a “check mark” symbol by “- a family” wish. You take a deep breath, looking towards the house to see if J is in sight but you don’t notice him. You get teary and fold back the paper, hiding it between the pages of your book. The Joker is actually behind the curtain, sipping on his whiskey, savoring your reaction.

“Go tell daddy I already have 3 kids, so we’re good,” you whisper in Kaden’s ear and he darts inside, yelling:

“Daaaaad, she said she already has 3 kids!!!”

“What??!! 3 kids?!” he frowns, aggravated. “That’s rude! Tell her she’s rude!” The messenger runs for it.

“Daddy said you’re rude,” the little one pants, snorting when you start laughing.

“Whatever,” you make him sit down, struggling to keep him still in your lap so you can apply the purple hair mascara on a few strands of his hair. J goes crazy for it so you try to do it daily since it’s being washed at night. “Go show your dad how cute you are! And tell him he’s my favorite poison. Give me a kiss before you go!”

“Muahhh,” he pecks your lips and flees. After a few moments J shouts:

“Hey Doll, is that a pickup line?!”

“Yeesss!!!!” you yell back so he can hear you.

“That’s a good one!”

“I know!!!!!”

You read for 5 more minutes when they both come out: Kaden is holding a bottle of water and you know what it means: time to take your med.

“Here Princess,” The Joker opens the vial, giving you one tablet. “It’s that magical time of the day.”

You swallow the pill and he crawls on the blanket, resting his head on your tummy. Your son is playing around with his toys, preoccupied with a butterfly that landed on his bike.

“I thought the magical time of the day is going to be tonight when we have to fill out all that tedious paperwork in the master bedroom,” you elbow him and he purrs.

“Certainly; so much paperwork, that’s why I need your help,” he softly bites your wrist and you pinch his arm. “Hey, Y/N, besides being sexy and pregnant, what do you do for a living?” he turns on his side, facing you. “Wow, are you blushing?!”

“No way, hot flushes from my treatment,” the defensive answer comes.

“Lies, lies, lies,” J bickers, kissing the bump.

“You have the worse pickup lines,” you shake your head, teasing him.

“Got you pregnant twice, didn’t I ? So if you have a complaint, you should file one tonight with the rest of the paperwork,” the smug reply follows.

You stare at each other for a few seconds before smiling:

“Shut up, J,” you kick him with your knee and go back to reading while he closes his eyes, relaxing in the shadow.

Definitely her knight in shining armor, The Joker thinks before snoozing. No other losers in line for the job…which…makes me the loser, I suppose. Oh, well, could be worse, he reckons, snuggling by you even more.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

#the joker x reader #the joker jared leto #the joker fanfiction #the joker imagine #the joker #jared leto #the suicide squad imagine #the suicide squad #the suicide squad fanfiction #mister j #mistah j #mr. j #sexy villain #puddin #dc #dc comics

[omfgtrump]

It’s The Base, Stupid

I would be remiss if I forget to give a shout out to the valiant and heroic actions of our military during the War of 1812 for defending our airports. America thanks you from the bottom of its heart.

The Don, during his made for TV July 4th special called “Look at Me I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,” praised our soldiers that “manned the air, rammed the ramparts, took over airports, it did everything it had to do.” His staff had begged him to keep the remark out of the speech, but ultimately they caved when he conceded that he wouldn’t say: “You know, I knew George Washington, and he was one tough cookie like me.”

Now that we have soared to unimagined heights with our planes, it’s time to talk about less lofty things, which brings me to the word “base”. I suppose it could be an airport base, but that plane has come and gone.

For starters here’s The Don waxing poetically about his base:

“I have a base that’s a phenomenal — it’s just a phenomenal base,” Trump said in a recent interview with Time magazine. “It’s a very loyal base, and I’m loyal to them also.” When asked if he should reach beyond his supporters, he answered simply, “I think my base is so strong, I’m not sure that I have to do that.” Which word(s) do you relate to most when it comes to describing his base:

1.Phenomenal

2. Loyal

3. So strong

Tough choice, but I personally go for “so strong.” I just love a strong bass in my music. And if you are wondering if I am mixing up base with bass, shame on you for caring about the meaning of words. I just love a strong bottom.

And so does The Don. To misquote Michelle Obama: “When they go low, The Don goes lower.” So the question is how low can you go Don? How base can you get? Where is the nadir?

The Don’s campaign and administration has been a “Who’s Who” in the world of the rich, the basest, and the abusers. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, as the person at the top, creates the culture, and in The Don’s world, misogyny rules.

Besides the infamous Access Hollywood Tape, where he reveled that his fame imbued him with the power to ‘”grab their pussies,” there is the reality of at least 23 women accusing him of sexual impropriety. And just three weeks ago, E. Jean Carroll, a well-known writer, accused Trump of what amounted to a violent rape in the mid-1990s. (Two friends of hers confirmed that she’d told them about it at the time.) In response, Trump essentially said “she’s not my type” — and claimed that he’d never met her. That was a provable lie; there’s a photograph of them together.

And let’s not forget ex-wife, Ivana Trump, who claimed The Don once raped her.

Now we have the Jeffrey Epstein, Robert Acosta debacle. But before we get to that sordid abomination, let’s do a little ‘Who’s Who’ of the awful that have been involved with The Don since he ran for president.

Let’s begin with the physically abusive:

Rob Porter, who The Don and then Chief of Staff John Kelly defended, despite photos from Porter’s ex-wife, sporting bruises all over her. Here’s Kelly after the allegations were made known to him: “Rob Porter is a man of true integrity and honor, and I can’t say enough good things about him,”

Steve Bannon was charged in 1996 with domestic violence and battery and dissuading a witness over an alleged incident regarding his ex-wife.

How about Andy Pudzer, one time choice for Secretary of Labor who ultimately withdrew his nomination. Pudzer’s, wife, Lisa Firstein, appeared on an episode of Oprah called “High-Class Battered Women,” which aired in March of 1990. Firstein appeared incognito and showed up in a wig and glasses and was identified only by the made-up name of Ann.

Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan resigned over domestic violence allegations, And then there is touching father-son story about how Shanahan defended and protected his son who brutally beat his mother with a baseball bat; he left her lying in a pool of blood and ripped out the phone cord for good measure so she couldn’t call for help.

Shanahan’s response was to this horrific act was: She had “harassed [William] for nearly three hours before the incident.” I don’t know about you, but if your parent is bugging you can always just leave. How crazy would that be? But Shanahan thought the baseball bat was fair game!

A Trump administration speechwriter, David Sorensen, resigned after his ex-wife reported that he’d put out a cigarette on her and ran over her foot with a car. Rumor has it that Sorenson said “she’s lucky I didn’t run over her foot with my truck.”

Now let’s move on to the misogynists/sexual abusers/predators in the Who’s Who?

Let’s go back to Andy Pudzer the CEO of Hardees and Carl Jr.’s, a fast food chain. Pudzer drew attention because of the ads he ran to promote his burgers.

“We believe in putting hot models in our commercials, because ugly ones don’t sell burgers,” said in a 2011 press release, according to Fortune. “We target hungry guys, and we get young kids that want to be young hungry guys.” As late as 2015, Puzder said: “I like our ads. I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis. I think it’s very American.”

Remember Roy Moore, the man who lost the Alabama Senate race to Democrat Doug Jones? The man accused of pedophilia? The Don supported his candidacy whole-heartedly.

Even the morally bankrupt Republican lawmakers drew the line at pedophilia, but the Don said this: “I have NOTHING against Roy Moore, and unlike many other Republican leaders, wanted him to win.” In other words, the fact that he preyed on teenage girls was a nothing burger. Why should we be surprised, as The Don in the 2013 Miss Teen Universe said this: “You know they’re standing there with no clothes. Is everybody OK? And you see these incredible looking women. And so I sort of get away with things like that.”

And remember the Brett Kavanaugh hearing. The Don mocked Christine Blasey-Ford’s testimony regarding Kavanaugh raping her in high school: “I don’t know. I don’t know,” the President continued. “What neighborhood was it in? I don’t know. Where’s the house? I don’t know. Upstairs, downstairs — where was it? I don’t know — but I had one beer. That’s the only thing I remember.”

So why should we be surprised that to this date, The Don has not said one word denouncing Jeffrey Epstein’s monstrous activities of sex trafficking and rape of underage girls?

The Don once said this about his one-time hang-out buddy:

“It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side… “

There is a lot to say about the Epstein case and much more will be revealed as the days go by, but I will be brief. Epstein, received a sweetheart deal back in 2008 from none other than Alex Acosta,* The Don’s Secretary of Labor, who was then a U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of Florida. How was it possible for that deal to happen? All I can say is that when all is exposed there will be a whole lot of collateral damage as there was a whole lot of cover-up and shenanigans going on.

For example, remarkably, after Epstein served his time, he had to register as a sex offender. Inexplicably, the Manhattan district attorney’s office, under Democrat Cyrus Vance Jr., asked a judge to downgrade Epstein’s sex offender status from Level 3, the most serious, to Level 1, the least. The judge, stunned, refused. “I am a little overwhelmed because I have never seen a prosecutor’s office do anything like this,” she said.

Epstein’s response to this seemingly magical shift in his status said: it’s the “difference between a murderer and stealing a bagel: predator-offender.” When I read this I almost puked and don’t know if I will ever be able to look at a bagel the same way.

To add insult to injury, at the very time the Epstein case has been bubbling over (he has been indicted by the Southern District of New York for his actions), The Don’s company was about to hold a golf tournament where strippers would be caddies before it was called off. Exotic dancers would wear pink mini-skirts and sexy white polo shirts. However, if you bought the V.I.P package you could go back to the strip club and maybe if you were lucky, get some nudity and who knows what else.

Don’t you just love the base?

  *Acosta recently resigned as Secretary of Labor but The don had nothing but great things to say about.

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#IFTTT #WordPress #trump #politics #potus #capital hill #washington dc #white house #america #usa

[minhyowon]

Ten Questions, Ten Answers: Kdrama Edition

I was tagged by the lovely Sofia @floatingdownthemoonriver Thank you so much much for tagging me! 

1. Do you have any actors/ actresses who you think are over rated? Along with their works? Anyone where you just don’t see the mass appeal? 

 Ji Sung. I don’t even know why. Sometimes about him just doesn’t click with me. The only drama of his that I’ve completed was Protect the Boss. I’ve tried watching other dramas where he’s the lead and I can’t bring myself to get past the first episode. I have nothing against him, I just don’t see his appeal. 

 2. Are there any dramas you liked but would tweak certain aspects of to make them perfect? If so, which ones and what would you tweak, change or add?  

If I could change anything it would be the ending of Ms. Temper and Nam Jung Gi. It has an open ending where you're left with the feeling that Ok Da Jung and Nam Jung Gi ended up together, but I would make it clear by adding a kiss scene. 

 3. Top three favourite actresses?  

Kim Seul Gi – she’s my all-time favourite actress. I’ll watch her in anything. I watched an episode of Happy Together just because she was a guest. I really want to see her as the lead in drama. She’s leading lady material. She’s wonderful in everything she does and needs more recognition. 

Yoo In Na – She’s flawless and she needs more main roles. She’s also leading lady material and needs more recognition. If I could give casting directors one piece of advice, it would be to stop casting minors opposite adult men and cast these two instead. 

Lee Sung Kyung – She can take on such different roles and slays every time. 

4. What’s the drama world you would like to live in? Is it a goblin world, a mermaid world, a world with a royal monarchy, a world where you could be a ceo at the age of 20 just because of the golden family business? You can include general setting or houses you wouldn’t mind staying in. 

I wouldn’t mind being a chaebol heir but I wouldn’t want to be the eldest that inherits the company because I don’t like being the center of attention. I’d want to be someone like Min Hyo Won in Laurel Tree Tailors who gets to have a good job in the company without being in the spotlight. 

5. Top three dramas where you loved the fashion/ outfits/ costumes? 

Legend of the Blue Sea – Jun Ji Hyun can wear anything and still look flawless. I really liked the costumes in the sageuk part and the mermaid costume. 

I really like everything that Lee Yoo Ri’s character wears in Father is Strange. It’s so classy and elegant. I also love that it shows wearing glasses as glamourous and makes me feel happy about wearing glasses. 

I loved the outfits worn by Gong Yoo as Kim Shin in Goblin. 

6. Top three dramas where you did NOT love some of the fashion/ style choices made?  

Beautiful Gong Shim – I hated that Minah had to wear a wig for so long. I hated that they made Gong Shim wear unflattering clothes, which made her like a child for most of the drama. They did nothing to show Minah’s natural beauty (except for the last episode where she looked flawless.) 

Kim Tan’s ugly sweaters in Heirs. 

Kim Joo Won’s infamous sequinned track suit in Secret Garden. It was just hilarious. 

7. Who’s your dramaland hubby/ wife? (mine’s baek in ho ;p) your dream partner? Who is it. Your dramaland soul mate? 

That’s an excellent question. I’d pick Kang Hyun Soo (Smile, You) or Jung Joon Hyung (WLFKBJ). 

8. Any dramas you thought had wasted potential?  

The K2. It had so much potential but I felt like it fell short in every possible way. My love for Ji Chang Wook couldn’t save it. Song Yoon Ah’s brilliant performance couldn’t save it. 

The Heirs. They had a stellar cast of top actors and they wasted it. They could have done so much with it. First of all, why did both male leads have to be jerks? Second of all, why did the main pairing have to have such an unhealthy relationship. The side couple is the only thing I liked about this drama. They even wasted BTOB and VIXX cameos. If you’re gonna have a kpop group make an appearance in a drama at least tell the audience who they are and let us hear a full song. I didn’t even know who these groups were until much later when I watched N in Sassy Go Go and Sungjae on WGM. 

9. Two dramas where you loved the ost?  

Descendants of the Sun is my favourite OST in kdrama history. It’s the first drama where I loved every single song. I remember waiting for weeks for the K.Will OST to be released. I still listen to it regularly. My favourite songs include: Always – Yoonmirae, You Are My Everyting – Gummy, Talk Love – K.Will 

The second OST that sticks out to me is Uncontrollably Fond. The drama wasn’t my favourite but the OST was outstanding. My favourite songs include: Picture in My Head – Kim Woo Bin, Don’t Push Me – WENDY & Seulgi, Only U – Junggigo 

There are also specific songs that I love: 

- You’ve Fallen for Me – Jung Yong Hwa (Heartstrings). This is how I discovered CNBLUE and it will always have a special place in my heart  - Listen to My Heart – Melody Day (Tomorrow’s Cantabile)  - Forever Love – HEABIN (Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim)  - Shiny Boy – JOY (The Liar and His Lover)  - Honourable mention to the instrumental OST of Signal. 

10. What do you think is the most iconic kdrama?  

I had a tough time coming up with an answer for this one. It ultimately came down to Secret Garden. I’ll admit that it’s not perfect but it was my first kdrama; therefore, it will always be special to me. This is the drama that started. It’s only right that it gets the title of most iconic from me. It has all the classic kdrama tropes plus fantastical elements. You have the jerky CEO male lead who falls in love at first sight with a strong independent female lead who initially wants nothing to do with him. This drama takes the gender bender trope to another level when the leads switch bodies. Shall I remind you of the iconic coffee foam kiss scene that was recreated in Reply 1988? The OST still gives me all the feels. Yoon Sang Hyun will always be Oska to me. I still wish for Hyun Bin and Ha Ji Won to be reunited in a drama because their chemistry was off the charts.

I tag @seokjinings @haeyeongs @jok-ie @nabongsun @bcwaldorf @sleepypie1212

1. Do you ever get second lead syndrome? If so, who is the second lead that you felt for the most, that you loved way more than the lead? Who is the second lead that deserved a better ending? 

2. What book/movie would you like to see adapted into a kdrama? Who would you cast as the leads? 

3. Who are your top 3 kdrama OTPs? 

4. What is your favourite kdrama trope? Name your favourite drama with that trope. 

5. Does the OST influence your enjoyment of a drama? Are there any dramas that you’ve watched because of the OST? 

6. Who is your bias and who is your bias ruiner? 

7. What is a drama that you think everyone should watch? (An essential drama for every kdrama lover.) 

8. Who are your top 3 female leads? 

9. Create your own love team. (A pairing that you would like to see in everything, or a couple that you would like to see reunited.) 

10. Pick an actor and an actress that you would like to see as the leads in a drama? (Your dream pairing, they’ve never worked together before but you think they would be great together. Mine is Kim Seul Gi and Kang Ha Neul.)

#ten questions #ten answers #kdrama #jojo rambles #jojo talks kdramas #tag

[swearronchanel]

4.03 to kill some time

I’m so stressed *no surprise* and I’m very much over this semester even though there’s 6 more weeks lol but I’m going to do what I do best before I go to my last class: avoid my problems and responsibilities & watch call the midwife  (4.03 won the episode roulette) and post my trash commentary™..

How many series has Fred been in charge of these volunteer whatever’s and I still don’t know the proper name/title??

LOL @ the shrieks but I feel, rats are nasty af. There’s so many in the train stations in nyc it’s gross

Phyllis !! back when I didn’t really like her omg I was a fool

Sister MJ so pure lol, she doesn’t wanna poison the rats

fuck that tho kill em all

Here comes Trixie 😍 my bby & her fabulous pyjamas. I want them 😭

Ivy from downton abbey out here, I forgot she was Mrs Amos

Imagine if someone actually relevant from downton guest starred on ctm? That’d be lit

Hey Pats

“Baby at the surgery?” LOL Phyllis was such a bitch to my bby Shelagh in the beginning tbh 😂😂 it’s fine all is forgiven, i love her now. BESIDES THEY HUGGED & SHELAGH CALLED HER A FRIEND & IT WAS SO SWEET

Angela is so precious w/ her ears that stick out lol

Dysentery yikes

Phyllis gets shit done though. I love it

Noted: Patsy says “garage” funny & Patrick says “recourses” funny. Idk if it’s just the accent and I’m a childish American or if they just say it weird?? prob the former

I hate watching this online because there are no subtitles 😭😭

like I know this random bitch in the clinic just said something rude about the Irish family but it’s not clear !

my bby shelagh so precious even explaining how to properly wash your hands

but I hope they burned that blue dress though. She’s too pretty to wear ugly clothes !! 😭😍

Shelagh’s so nice & patient 😂like if I was her I would’ve told Phyllis to keep it pushing and that I got it covered

Helen George slays every hair style, I freaking wish

Oh shit I forgot Tom & Trixie were engaged here haha

I’m slightly uncomfortable 😂

I forgot about this storyline, I feel so sad for the Mcavoys

Patsy’s outfit 😍 I love it

sister MJ out here trying to capture the rats to set them free 😂

I still don’t really get what the Rose Queen thing is/how it works

this poor Irish family can’t catch a break

Oh shit wait this is when Tony gets set up right, well it seemed like a set up.

damn though Tony was really about to get it with this guy in a public bathroom?? hm  never mind

But it was so suspicious that the guy didn’t immediately break away & then didn’t even say anything, just blew that damn whistle?? no coñfio

I swear it was a set up but anyways

I knew you could be arrested for being gay at the time in the uk but it’s still wild to me when I watched this episode. Like how fucked up? To be deemed a criminal for wanting to be with someone of the same sex. I’m pretty sure it’s still like that in some countries too. Insane

But still fucked up of Tony, like you’re married. Can’t defend cheating

See Trixie agrees, we don’t like cheaters

“No dark secrets girls, not if you value your life”

Marie’s dad said “garage” the same way, maybe it’s the accent

Aw my bbys are back on screen

“Surely with nurse crane on the warpath, dysentery doesn’t stand a chance”  hell yea, Phyllis👏🏼can👏🏼take👏🏼on👏🏼 anything

But I’m glad Shelagh solves the mystery because it was rather dull when she wasn’t doing much & she’s too good for that!

“I thought I might assist you in a manner of a Dr Watson” SHE’S SO CUTE 💖

yea okay lady you tell yourself it’s a decent street bc there’s no Irish

prejudice boils my blood

“..I’m always very careful, especially with an accent” lol um you all have accents ???

I forgot for a second that they prob don’t consider anyone to have accents because they live there lol, same way I swear I don’t have an accent until someone that’s not from nyc calls it out😭 But Shelagh’s accent is obviously different too ?? Besides I think the Irish family is easier to understand than some of the local people ?? Hmm. I’m not even going to bother figuring it out, whatever. The woman lied and you’re still perfect Shelagh

But I approve of the navy blue suit. Her lighter blue dress wasn’t a look  

Babs was kind of irrelevant here tbh lol

Tom whispering “I’m in love with you” to Trixie like same, who isn’t. Beatrix is a dream

“Who knows what undesirable will be purged next?”  *clenches fist* aghh, I wish it was the nasty stale cheeto running my country

Lol omg Fred’s small glasses

Aw sister Julienne, she hasn’t been in this episode much 😭

Jenny Agutter is so great and I’m still not over the fact that she loves rap & especially Eminem. Like I need a video of her singing “shake that ass for me”😂😂 I’d die.

poor Mr Amos 💔

More dinner table scenes in series 7, I love when the majority of the cast is together

Omg how awful/ sacrilegious of me is it to ask that someone make an edit of the the last supper with the Call the midwife cast 😭😭

Eh I’ve said/done worse, god forgive me lol *does the cross, en el nombre del padre, y del hijo y espiritu santo*

Agreed Babs, Mr Amos is so good looking 😭😉

“Don’t make that your criteria for men. My mother always said find a plain man, he’ll be eternally grateful and never stray” LMAOO PHYLLIS I LOVE YOU

my mother tells me “find a rich man because you’re high maintenance and can’t afford it” 😂😂 .. still working on that

“I always thought the essence of crime is that some harm is done to someone” right SIster MJ!?😭

Okay sister W, the Bible says it’s a sin but the Bible condemns a lot of things.  Like the doesn’t the Bible even say don’t mix clothing fabrics lol

“Well quite frankly, I thought we fought a war of fascism. And that’s exactly what this is, telling people who they can and can not love”  yes Trixie👏🏼 that’s my bby

Patsy sitting there so uncomfortable aww

I don’t think the show has touched on homosexuality since this episode?? are we thinking someone else with find out about Patsy and Delia in series 7??  so curious

Netflix cut this Turner scene, just like they cut most of their cute scenes like how dare they

“Patrick, you’ll think me naive..” she’s so innocent

“I supposed it’s how we made things..There isn’t much room for a different way”

SHELAGH’S REACTION WHEN PATRICK SAYS KINSYS REPORT STATES A “GOOD DEAL OF MEN HAVE HAD HOMOSEXUAL THOUGHTS” KILLS ME EVERY.TIME😂😂

Once again Laura Main proving she’s the queen of facial expressions

“We should live and let live” Patrick’s not here to judge & I’m glad

Do judges or whatever they’re called in the U.K. still wear those wigs?

Oh shit he was a constable I didn’t remember that

Trixie and Phyllis is the dynamic I am here™ for

right after Trixie & Shelagh but I’ll leave that be for now, you know my feelings

3 series of Phyllis’s barley sugar mentions & I still don’t know what the hell they are

And considering my phone is on me just about all the time you’d think I would’ve googled it by now ??

Poor Patrick trying to speak and being shut up

I don’t like his hair gelled down though. But he’s stopped that thankfully

remembering people really think you can “cure homosexuality” again, wild

omg ew what kind of bug was that *cringes*

Lol that baby does not look like a new born

they’re giving Tony estrogen wtf

Phyllis is right yikes that hostile belongs in the past

How is Patrick comfortable eating in there

Phyllis has been scolding Patrick on his eating habits since 1960😂

Phyllis and Trixie sharing a room and both have towels wrapped around their heads 😂😭 I love it

Omg Trixie is helping Phyllis with her Spanish I forgot

“I have a great desire to go to Spain one day..” LET PHYLLIS GO TO SPAIN 2k18/1963 !!

Phyllis calling out Trixie’s drinking..

She notices everything

Trixie taking the new rose queens glasses off lol, just like she lowkey wanted Shelagh to take her glasses off during the wedding

Who does this lady think she is banishing people from the community centre??

“Small mindedness has no place here” yes Pats

Ok Fred’s group is called the CDC, but what does that stand for

“A man can be too clean” wait why does she think there’s a correlation between cleanliness and being gay??

Poor Mrs Amos 😭 I feel bad for them both though

“Am I the only one who doesn’t despise them?” Aww Patsy

“Of course not, I just don’t think it’s our battle to fight” .. “who will then?” !!!!!! Thisssss. Still relevant today. Can’t stay silent

Trixie in another pair of fabulous pyjamas. I want them!

Ok but for real when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia ??

Sister J is so cute lol & her suggesting Phyllis to go with Patrick like hell yes

Another duo I’m here for 😂

I need Phyllis in my life, she’d set me straight and would give advice when I need it

Honestly I need her voice on a recording to play back whenever I make bad decisions 😂😂

Oh shit they graffitied The Amos’ door

Mr Amos is trying to take his life while his wife is bringing another life into the world ..

aw I’m tearing. Marie’s dad stopping Tony & telling him he has a daughter

“Best advice I ever received. When in the path of an unstoppable force it’s always best to surrender” PHYLLIS FU*KING CRANE LADIES & GENTLEMEN, A HERO AND ACTUAL GEM

And my bby Shelagh solving the mystery of the dysentery outbreak! She’s Also a gem 💕

“Elementary” “My dear Watson”😭😭😍❤️ bbys!

Patrick and Phyllis celebrating their victory omg so golden

“..And if anyone doesn’t like it then they can go home and stew in their own mean spiritedness..” yes Trixie that’s my bby!

Cue Vanessa “..We can protect all that we have”

Sister MJ yelling at the little boys aww 😭😂 “we are all gods creatures” ..“some are easier to love than others” ..“it’s the others that need us most!”

I just need Sister MJ protected at every cost, please!!

“But that place which we call home must be the place in which we are ourselves with no facade, no foundations weak, below us. Only then can we face outwards with our heads held high, claim the roles assigned to us, with open, honest hearts.. ”

Maybe I should google the rose queen too, is this a real thing?

Patsy holding Tony’s hand 😭

Everyone ended up clapping ugh my heart 😢

why does ctm always make me so emotional ? literally gold in television form. & it has ruined tv for me because there will never be a show greater than this

I want to watch another episode, but I have class in 10 mins ughh. ok bye guys. I dont have time to check my spelling and shit so bear with me and excuse it all 

#my commentaries™ #call the midwife #gets me through #everytime #you tired of me yet #??

[annnnnping]

Bucket List 3.1.3

Continued @ 2018.04.01. This must be a joke. 

限界なんてきっとそんなモノない まわれ左してみてもいい メチャクチャは美学だぜ!

#Not an Adult Yet#

#So Random#

JLPT - N2! 一生懸命!!!! ... N4不合格 (T ^ T) 悔しい!!

Piano practice routine

Climb outdoors

REI program (09/22/2018. Castle Rock)

Pinnacles camp

Philosophy and the Science of Human Nature (Open Course)

Violin piano duet recording + mixing w/ DX

Get back to drawing / doodling

The Museum of Craft and Design @ SF

Amoeba Music @ SF

SF Symphony 17-18 Season

Donate hair - wigs for kids

Rabbit / owl cafés @ Japan

Vinyl of Oasis

Half Dome Hike @ Yosemite

City Lights @ SF

Green Apple Books @ SF

Drunk Shakespeare

Graphic Design Weekly Hacks

Burning Man

Make Seafood Paella at Home

Blue Hill @ NYC

Minton’s Playhouse

Baking & Pastry school

Banff Mountain Film

Read books in a coffee shop (Routine!)

Coffee brewing / Latte 101 class

Pottery class

#Concerts Music Festivals

Arctic Monkeys Live (10/21/2018)

関ジャニ∞ Live (08/23/2018, 08/26/2018)

ZHU Live (09/08/2018)

Jason Mraz Live (09/13/2018)

The XX

Mashmallo

Seattle Symphony Concert

Woodstock

EDC

Coachella

Oasis Live

Avril Lavigne Live

陈绮贞 Live

New Year’s Concert

Paramore Live

SXSW

陈奕迅 Live

周杰伦 Live

Pink Martini Live

Radiohead Live

Mayday @ 小巨蛋

Start a blog about music

Learn music theory

Mika Nakashima Live

土屋アンナ Live

Write a song!!!!!

Music Library @ UW

If no (Hina’s stage play)

Okura’s stage play

Clean Bandit Live

OOR VIP Ticket

Bach Busoni Chaconne in D minor BWV 1004 Live

#Games Outdoors

Barcelona @ Camp nou

US Open

Seahawks

Mt.Rainier

LA Galaxy (Gerrard!) :’(

Kayak

5K (Nuts!)

Warriors

Sky-diving @ San Diego

Roadtrip

Camping @ Yosemite

Yellowstone

Get back to tennis

Learn to surf

Point Reyes Bioluminescence Kayak

Warriors 

#Others

Meditation practice

集英社 @ Tokyo

Sapporo

Hakone

Hokkaido

Mori Museum @ Tokyo

Osaka, Kyoto - 2nd time

The Present

Sunset Blvd

Alaska

Back to Seattle

New Orleans

Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Puerto Rico

Nashville

New Mexico

Thailand

Iceland

Barcelona 

#Killed :D#

Glass Animal (@Stanford. 05/19/2018)

de Young museum

Exploratorium

Cabaret (Bravo!!!)

Momofuku

Tim Ho Wan @ NYC

Metropolitan Museum of Art @ NYC

Secret spot :(

Vinyl of Les Misérables

Mayday Tour @ SJ

Coldplay Live (10/04/2017)!!!!!! \m/

Foreign cinema @ SF (So…good)

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema @ SF

One OK Rock Live - Again!! (08/15/2017)

Bouldering routine @ SF Dogpatch / Mission Cliffs (Although I ended up climbing @ Planet Granite…)

Living Computer Museum

Dijital fix @ SF

Speakeasy SF

Workout routine…(Tues)

Digital piano (go back to playing after a long absence) a reaaaaal one! <3

Whitney Museum of American Art @ NYC

The Book of Mormon

Sleep No More @ NYC

In Situ @ SF Moma (The forest!! Yummmm)

Driver license (2017.03.15 Woo-hoo Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!)

Learn Japanese (15min everyday)

One OK Rock Live

関ジャニ∞ Live

Kansai: Osaka, Kyoto

Central Library | Piano

Alpaca Farm

Henry Art

Discovery Park

Music Building

Leavenworth

Outdoor Classical Music Concert

Ugly Mug

Cafe Allegro@Ave

Make a paper billboard

Spanish (//Start learning on Duolingo)

Start blogging - post one favorite song a day

Start blogging - Connecting and reviewing theory (like the Theory Framing&Connecting Theory@501)

Chicago Art Institute

Sounders FC (//Oct 25th ticket get!)

週刊少年Jump

LA Lakers @ Staples Center

San Francisco

Learn to DRIVE

Go hiking!

Go skiing!

LP Player

Checkout Vinyl store

頑張って!

#bucketlist