#with the lovely name of Other Specified Trauma Related Disorder

[apollodarling-writes]

Yandere Izuku with DID x reader? I can see him having it due to the trauma he experienced in his childhood *cough* Kacchan and I would love to see it explored

YANDERE! MIDORIYA IZUKU WITH DID:

y’all, i tried to base this on OSDD (other specified dissociative identity disorder). it’s kinda based loosely on my own experiences, so please forgive me if it isn’t accurate for the collective.

MANGA SPOILERS!! IN RELATION TO IZUKU’S QUIRK!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

before i even get into the yandere side of this, i’m gonna need to explain who his alters would be. i feel like he would have four alters? but, the shy, nerdy, easily embarrassed izuku is who he really is.

the first one would be the ‘villain deku’. the protector of the system. this alter (who’s name i don’t have the right of coming up with) would be the one who took the brunt of katsuki’s shit.

he was the one who had the unhealthy thoughts and is NEVER allowed to front because god knows what he would do to bakugo.

the second would be the izuku we see when he’s fighting. i feel like this guy fronts when he gets all fired up and ready to protect people.

the third would be the one who’s super insecure and because of all this trauma he has, is incredibly depressed. i feel like this third alter would be reminiscent of child izuku, but like incredibly depressed.

this third alter would have those thoughts of ‘im not good enough’ and ‘why am i here?’. ‘i’ll never be good enough’ ‘i deserved what kacchan did to me’

izuku’s fourth alter would be the pervert. he would be the one that has izuku’s search history all fucked up. this alter is love obsessed and searching for a lover and is desperate for someone to love him.

now onto yandere! deku system

i feel like the deku system would become obsessed with the reader because of their caring and brave nature. or maybe you’re shy and clumsy. either way, it makes them feel like they have to protect you.

host!izuku would obsess over you in very gentle and doting ways. he’s the kind to give you a back massage and make you food and fold your clothes. he’s the malewife gentlest one with you.

protector!alter would be sadistic and bloodthirsty, so he would be obsessed with you because you’re weak to him. he doesn’t want to see you hurt by bakugo katsuki so he has to protect you.

protector!alter would be the most violent and temperamental. please follow his orders. he will force his way to front and break your bones.

child!alter is the only platonic yandere here. he likes how you treat eri and he wants you to treat him that way too. don’t treat anyone else that way though! that’s reserved for him!

child!alter might be a child, but is very manipulative and still has host!izuku’s quirk and strength. he can and will lock you away. he’s a brat and the personified ‘hurt people, hurt people’ along with protector!alter ofc.

perv!alter becomes obsessed with you because you fulfill an abnormal fetish of his. he also loves that you don’t treat him differently because of his fetishes and kinks. maybe you share some kinks and fetishes with him and that made him obsess over you. perv!alter now believes that you’re his soulmate and that no one should be able to talk to you.

now, host!izuku is extremely clingy as a yandere. he’s still hellbent on becoming a hero so he won’t kill anyone or kidnap you, but he will spread awful rumors and isolate you from everyone behind the scenes. he’s the subtle manipulation type. no one knows because he’s isolated you and now you lean on him. or.. them, rather.

host!izuku thinks you’re the only one for him. he’ll sacrifice his body and will literally do anything you ask him. he’s very submissive for the most part, but if he becomes sexually intimate with you (he won’t force that) he becomes a service top.

host!izuku is at your every beck and call. he will do everything for you. he will also be the one who cuddles you and comforts you, he’s the one who gives you the most love.

protector!alter is sadistic and violent. he’s manipulative, confining, and has a god complex. he thinks he’s better than you and he thinks he’s literally god. he won’t hesitate to kidnap you or beat the fuck outta you if you do something he doesn’t like. he thinks that this is how love works. after all, he learned it from the best.

protector!alter is a good lover if you follow his rules. he’ll wash your clothes and fold them, he’ll wash you and buy you anything you want. he’ll do anything for you. he’s sweet if you don’t upset him

child!alter will hurt you, too. he won’t break bones but he will let you know your place. he’s cold but yearns for your motherly/fatherly/parental love. he loves you. if you talk to other kids for too long, he’ll make an appearance and take you away. if this become an occurrence with the same kid, he’ll get advice from protector!alter and will likely end up killing that child. protector!alter is a mentor of sorts for child!alter. imagine RUI from demon slayer as child!alter

perv!alter will non-con you. he will explore his fetishes and kinks whether you want it or not. they’re strong, so it’s not like you stood a chance anyway. not with those additional quirks of theirs. he will use you in your sleep and he will use you anywhere he wants.

perv!alter is clingy and has a high sex drive. he’s persistent and will kill people to keep you by his side. he’s not past kidnapping you either. despite what host!izuku wants, the majority will rule.

perv!alter will also drug you and give you aphrodisiacs. he’ll make you wear skimpy clothes and will overstimulate you, but will also cook you food and love on you,

all of them are pretty bad as yanderes. especially since later in the series/manga they receive alllll of the previous one-for-all users’ quirks.

#yandere x darling #soft yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere izuku #yandere midoriya #midoriya izuku #izuku mydoria #izuku midoryia x you #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoriya headcanons #izuku with did #mentally ill izuku #yandere my hero academia #my hero academia x you #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia #yandere mha x reader #yandere mha #mha season 6 #mha midoriya #mha x reader #boku no hero academia #boku no hero spoilers #yandere boku no hero academia #bnha x y/n #yandere bnha x reader #bnha x you #yandere bnha

[morazima]

Emotional amnesia

Emotional amnesia is a peculiar phenomenon in the psychology community. It is typically associated with dissociative related disorders (DID, OSDD, USDD/UDD, Depersonalization, and Derealization just to name a few examples).

Emotional amnesia can be described as feeling an emotional disconnect between what is happening around you. Another way to describe it is when the person doesn’t feel like it’s their “authentic self” experiencing different events that occur (regardless of how big or small the events are). Some people have described it as “I am looking back on a memory, but I felt like I was in a movie theatre experiencing it from the backseat. It didn’t feel like I was genuinely ‘in’ the moment and experiencing it as other people should.”

For people who had some kind of trauma in their past, this could be a possible symptom, especially if you experience an event that triggers a part of your brain to remember the traumatic event. For example, I grew up in a family that was not the healthiest when it comes to properly express a healthy amount of emotions, regardless of the scenario. I feel like I regularly experience emotional amnesia because even with the people I love, I feel like I am not experiencing it as I should. I feel like a lot of my emotions are severely numbed. It’s there, but nowhere where it should be. It could be that the proper amount is there, but something in my brain is blocking me from experiencing all of what I am feeling.

Some people who have OSDD (otherwise specified dissociative disorder) go through emotional amnesia rather than physical memory amnesia. Sometimes it has been described as in these cases “It’s like my emotions are lagging up whenever I try to remember things like I can see myself say on a rollercoaster, but it takes a second or two for the joy of riding the rollercoaster to come back to me.”

It’s important to remember that like all mental health symptoms, there’s a spectrum. This is no different with emotional amnesia. If you feel like this is something that could describe you and you find it distressing, I strongly recommend you speak to a mental health care professional so they can point you in the right direction.

#Emotional amnesia #osdd system #did system #traumagenic system #partial did #plural system

[shymookohaiarts]

Ok so, this require SO MUCH context beyond just "These are vent drawings." so please bare with me but I will put a trigger warning right before the explanation. If you don't want to read it, the TLDR will be at the VERY bottom labeled TLDR, which will be indicated also by an image I posted at the bottom of a better look at one of the folks in the pic above.

TW: Trauma, self-harm, voices, hallucinations, dissociation, abusive relations, depression and anxiety

Since I was 13, I've always had a secondary voice that lingered amongst my own inner monologue. Being the creative I was, I pretended these voices were characters rather than a result of at-home trauma that I'd rather not delve into (mostly miscommunication, verbal arguments, and the occasional object thrown amongst my sister, dad, and me). When I got with my 2nd bf (1st bf was more of a fling but still), we'll call him Z, it went from the best Christmas ever to the worst summer in my entire existence as I was abused verbally, gaslit, and other shit. I was so mentally fucked that I did stupid shit to please him, but that shouldn't excuse me for lashing out and demanding answers/proof of things from either him or my other friends (Yes I got help and I still am getting help). Another note is despite being 18-19 and him being a year under (so 17-18), we were both EXTREMELY emotionally immature, so the private life between us was rather immature, to begin with. This part is important because, at the time, I only had one voice, Elizabeth. After he broke up with me over text, a second showed up: November. The scary part is he basically resembled a more lethargic and depressed version of my ex, encouraging me to sleep a lot and just, DO NOTHING. So skip a few months and I get with my current boyfriend of almost 3 years, Tyler/Munch. we're still together despite my autism being a pain sometimes but he still wants to help me and he still loves me, very supportive bf. In rather a quick succession, the details kinda leave me, both Davie (13-14-year-old male voice) and Holly (who sounded similar to Tyler at times) came into the picture in that order. Again, I can't remember how other than for Davie, it was because I was having a serious panic attack that resulted in massive disassociation. Around last year (2022), a few months after my birthday, I had a second paralysis episode (the first being on my birthday at night) where I was so depressed yet panicked that my body froze almost like sleep paralysis. This is when I met the final voice, who I drew below just before the TLDR if you read this.

After all this, I spoke up several times throughout this ordeal of events with my therapist and eventually got tested for a disassociation disorder. Spoiler, I had one. From the symptoms I spoke of, my therapist concluded I had OSDD, aka Other Specified Disassociative Disorder. These voices weren't voices: they were alters. Alters that developed due to the past bullshit I've dealt with. That's why they had separate names and personalities.

Mr. John, the Final Alter that put the damn nail in the coffin ^^

TLDR: Since I was thirteen up until the middle of April, I've had what I assumed were voices that came about from past traumas and it turns out I had Other Specified Disassociative Disorder or OSDD.

Is this a disruptive thing in my life? No, it's not. They've kinda co-existed now and are pretty helpful, save for Mr. John on occasion and his self-sabotaging tendencies. Ugh it feels good to air all that shit out. Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

#osdd

[aro-culture-is]

I'm th anon asking about tagging ab*rtion mentions, I have the tags #abortion ment and #miscarriage blocked. Thanks very much for being so sweet about this, by the way, and thanks for being s considerate

Okay! I'll add them to the list sometime tomorrow.

It's no problem, really! A lot of my therapy revolves around trauma, and I want to provide a space for others to feel safe with that too.

I try to be trigger sensitive both as a person who has triggers and as someone who struggles with the urge to intentionally trigger myself when I feel well. I hope that by providing the ability to have a totally judgement free process around asking for triggers to be tagged, more people like me who don't always feel "worthy" of asking people to tag our uncommon triggers can have a positive experience with it.

I hope you have a good day!

#not aro #not aro culture #ask #trigger ask #btw... #guess who found out at xyr last therapy appt that xe had secret diagnoses that somehow never got communicated to xem? #this individual right here!! #in other words though i basically have the DSM-5 friendly version of the C-PTSD diagnosis #with the lovely name of Other Specified Trauma Related Disorder #yeah who knew emotional abuse and repeated experiences with being used by toxic people + being bullied + early memories of traumatic stuff #could result in a trauma related disorder 👀 #but for any anxious and/or highly empathetic ppl out there dont worry I'm honestly doing okay #to borrow a previous tag of mine #i basically never learned how to process emotions in a healthy manner and just unlocked thw ability to yeet myself out of my mortal coil #but it turns out that can be a healthy way to deal with things in moderation! and im learning about that balance in my life and how to Not #i can definitely say that one of my biggest 🤯 moments in therapy thus far was my therapist telling me that i have permission to dissociate #also their dog sleeps on their lap during our zoom therapy and it's freaking adorable #but yeah all of this to say i have diagnoses and I'm excited to be able to use those to get real accommodations to help me deal with college #mod kee

[llendrinall]

What would Harry and Draco be like if they were parents? How would your take on it be from their child/ren's birth to adulthood?

Sorry if my English doesn't sound right.

Well, on the one hand I don’t think either of them would want to have children. Or rather, neither wants to be a parent. Harry knows too well what a bad childhood does to you and I imagine he would be terrified at the prospect of something happening to Draco and him and leaving his child an orphan. Sure, Ron and Hermione would take that hypothetical kid, but what if something happened to them too? And to the rest of the Weasleys? And Luna? And Neville? What would happen to the kid them? James and Lily gave Harry a godfather and it didn’t stop Harry from growing up in an abusive home. So Harry would be super anxious about that, imagining more and more elaborate scenarios in which anyone remotely capable of raising a kid without giving them life-long trauma would be unavailable, and Harry’s kid would end up in hard and uncaring hands, just like Harry and Neville.

(And I’m sure Neville doesn’t help on that respect when he says he won’t be having kids and if he has any, he wants them to have their mother surname. No Longbottom will have a claim to them).

Draco knows his parenting role models are awful. He was extremely spoiled while also suffering immense pressure. Draco got all the candy and gifts he ever wanted, but he was also expected to excel at school, be a powerful wizard and become a Death Eater. It’s not that he doesn’t have a frame of reference, it’s that the one he has is really, really, bad. How do you go not giving your child a mix of anxiety and self-absorption? He would sure like to know.

On the other hand, I’m sure that Harry will adopt anyone who stands still long enough. He is not one to let pain make him hard and cold. Rather, his suffering made him more compassionate.

So he and Draco would eventually adopt a kid (or two or three). Although they might also get an accidental biological magical child too. Let’s give the kid a name, just to make writing easier. Say, Celeste. Celeste the most likely adopted, but still possibly biological magical child.

Celeste would be happy and loved. Probably an only-child for a long time, because both Harry and Draco would still be scared at the notion of parenthood. Celeste would learn quickly to entertain themselves and relate to adults better than to other children.

Harry would stress about Celeste’s wellbeing and having them be self-reliable. Draco would insist on letting the child express themselves and find their own interests. There would be a lot of mistakes and doubts, but overall they would do fine.

Celeste would grow up under the assumption that candy exists only as a Weasley family tradition. Like, candy is something that the Weasleys do but no other household has it. Celeste has certainly never seen a candy treat that didn’t come from Weasley hands.

It’s because Draco has this weird crusade against treats. He got so many as a child! It’s a wonder Draco didn’t develop an eating disorder. There were many other aspects where Draco was spoiled silly, but since he wants Celeste to have a broom and learn to fly young, and also play an instrument and what’s the word? A game-boy, Celeste ought to play muggle games too, Draco is focusing on treats and candy which are completely banned at their household. The Weasleys just ignore the prohibition. It evens out. Celeste has some candy, but not as much as they would otherwise get.

I love the idea of Celeste developing magic (especially if they are some sort of magical biological child, because people would see them as Potter 3.0 Malfoy edition) receiving the Hogwarts letter, going to Diagon Alley to buy a wand, everything, all the little traditions and rituals, and once they arrive to Hogwarts… they don’t like it. Beautiful magical place, yes, but it’s still a boarding school. Putting aside that everyone, from teachers to students, looks at them weird because of who Celeste’s parents are, Celeste misses home, isn’t making friends because it takes them a while to open up and overall is having a bad time.

So Harry and Draco take Celeste back home. No questions. Their child wrote saying they didn’t like it there, so Harry and Draco removed their child from that situation immediately. There is no reason they can’t apparate every day for lessons and even if there were, even if there were all kind of obstacles… Their child wrote asking for help and harry and Draco want to do better.

They take Celeste home, where Celeste has all their stuff, is happy and can see Oso. (Oso is the family dog. A huge mastiff so called after a picture in a children’s book. The picture was of a bear, but to be honest Oso does look like a bear to any well informed three-year old).

Of course Hogwarts doesn’t agree with the new arrangement. Harry reminds them that on Halloween of his first year they had a troll roaming inside and things only got worse after that. Harry is told that most of those unfortunate events where a consequence of Voldemort. Nowadays Hogwarts is perfectly safe and perhaps Harry is letting his anxieties take undue hold of him.

“What about the student bullying?” Harry says, with heroic calm. He would rather set the desk on fire.

“What about it? There are centaurs in the forest, but no bulls, I assure you, and as you well known, Mr Potter, students are prohibited from wandering the forest. I do think you are seeing threats where there are none”.

Ah, of course. The wizarding world isn’t familiar with the concept of “bullying”. The application and execution, they know it well, but they don’t’ have a word for what is considered normal conduct.

Celeste attends the rest of the year as if it were a normal school, which is widely criticized although there are also many other parents interested.

And then… The academic year ends and Celeste drops out of Hogwarts. The whole wizarding world comes to a stop, although one should specify that in this case “the whole wizarding world” means “English wizarding society”. The continent doesn’t care if a child attends school or not. Welsh and Scotland care, but not enough to come to a halt. They do discuss it, but they go on with their business. It’s the English wizards who seem to have a problem with it. From September to December the papers write about nothing else.

The things is, Celeste has acquired some of Harry’s anxieties and is concerned with how little they were learning at Hogwarts. A lot of magic, yes, but nothing on language (and Celeste loves reading and learning languages) and even less about math. Not that Celeste likes math, but they worry about not knowing how to adequately manage the family fortune when their parents are gone. You know how wealth does not last three generations? Well, it certainly won’t if Celeste doesn’t learn how to balance expenses. Celeste wants to learn enough that they won’t be vulnerable to their solicitor., and when they put it that way even his gransfather has to admit there is a point.

(And maybe Harry failed Celeste here, letting his child worry so much about becoming an orphan, but Harry routinely receives dead threats and Draco has suffered two attempts on his life, so).

Harry couldn’t be more proud. No benevolent-looking wizard will take advantage of Celeste. Draco is also very happy because Celeste’s muggle school has art lessons in the curriculum and they have Drama as an extra-curricular. Celeste doesn’t want to sign to Theatre, but the mere fact it’s there pleases Draco immensely.

The ministry makes Celeste sits the OWLs in order to keep their wand. There are parents asking about educations alternatives, so the Ministry hopes that once Celeste fails people will accept Hogwarts as it comes, none of that day-school nonsense and hiring qualified teachers.

Except muggle school prepares you really well for the study process (or maybe, it simply prepares you better than magical schools do) so Celeste excels at the written exams. They do really, really, well, which is something Hermione Granger had been predicting for the last four years but nobody listened to her, so she is even more chuffed than Harry and Draco. Hermione has won sixteen different bets and is going to bring parliamentary reform to the education system.

Celeste’s spell work could see some improvement, but they have no trouble conjuring a corporeal patronus and that still qualifies as an automatic O in DADA. With that and some luck in Transfigurations, Celeste graduates Hogwarts having only attended a year. Lucius Malfoy, who is still racist but above all is a social creature and social climber, gives a week-long ball to celebrate his grandchild academic achievement. He also gifts Celeste a summer trip around Europe. Correction, because Lucius knows both Harry and Draco, but specially Draco, are very strict with gifts, he makes a donation to Celeste’s school language club. Did Lucius pay so thirty-odd muggle teenagers can spend three weeks around Europe practicing their foreign languages? Why, he sure did. And you won’t disappoint said children, will you Draco? I will take the money back if you ask me to, but little Prisha will be crushed.

There is a Prisha in Celeste’s school. Lucius is either weirdly stalkerish or paying attention to Celeste.

So maybe Celeste has inherited some anxieties and complexes, like many children do, but Lucius has become a better person and a pretty cool grandfather, so overall I think Harry and Draco are good parents.

#harry potter #draco malfoy #grandpa lucius malfoy #drarry #verse: drarry parenthood

[icy-scream]

now playing;

heart forecast - eve

ılıılıılıılıılıılı

volume : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮

0:01 ─●──────── 3:43

◁          II          ▷

❝ ココロの中に降り続いた雨は... ❞

─── the rain that continued to fall in my heart...

✧ WELCOME !

✦ hii !!

quill

she/her

minor

this blog is for personal stuff!

❝ ...やがてそっと止んで空で虹になる. ❞

─── ...will gently come to a stop and form a rainbow in the sky.

✧ DNI !

✦ do not interact !!

specified in more detail on my carrd.

people who aren't my friends - we don't have to be mutuals but if we interact often you're considered a friend & welcome here :D

❝ その向こうにはキミはいないけど. ❞

─── after that, i won't have you.

✧ WHAT TO EXPECT !

✦ what this blog will contain/rules !!

this blog is a sorta super safe space for me!

it's a place where i get to spam allllll my random thoughts, complaints, rants, traumadumps, etc.

general warnings for stuff that may be posted here; i.e. eating disorders, abuse, trauma, drunkenness, depersonalisation, anxiety, self harm, suicidal thoughts, depression

please block tw//[topic name] or don't follow if you're uncomfortable :)

do NOT bring up any sort of discourse here please.

don't mention things from this acc on my writing acc hehe i'd like to keep it separate ykwim?

please do use tone tags w me, i tend to misinterpret and overthink T_T

if u see me awake here after i say gn on main just don't mention it on the other blog lol

i might come off as rude or mean or wtv (not 2 my friends!) here but i literally do not care

❝ 虹を掛けようココロの空へと. ❞

─── but i'll put a rainbow to the sky of my heart.

✧ EXTRAS !

✦ links & tags !!

links

carrd.

spotify.

genshin writing blog; @starglitterz

tags

quill screaming ! – random spam

im in love ! – simping lol

love letters ! – convos w friends

[character/fandom name] ! – anything related to it

serotonin boost ! – things that make me happy

faves ! – things i rlly like and would want to look back on later :)

artwork ! – artwork reblogs

writing ! – writing reblogs

i hope you all have a great time here :D

pls don't worry abt me, i'm okay and doing great approximately 37% of the time LOL /hj

okok ily bye bye !!!

#navi ! #quill screaming ! #im in love ! #serotonin boost ! #faves ! #artwork ! #writing !

[theshinobiway]

Mobile FAQ

Welcome to the Blog!

Before you submit a request, please keep in mind the following:

✫Who are the Mods?

This Blog is managed by one mod (Pumpkin) as of right now. Headcanons will not take very long, but scenarios might! I try to have things done within a few weeks of their submission, but if life happens I’ll post about it on the blog to keep you updated.

✫Do you do Reader-Insert?

Reader insert HCs and Scenarios allowed! Please specify pronouns/race when submitting a request if you desire, otherwise HCs/Scenarios will be Gender Neutral. If I ever use a specific pronoun (Usually because it makes the prose flow better) always feel free to request a different version utilizing a new pronoun.

✫Are LGBT Requests Allowed?

Very LGBTQ+ Friendly! I am Bisexual myself and use She/Her pronouns. If I am not informed enough to feel comfortable writing a specific paring/identity, I will make a post requesting more information. Additionally, my messages are always open. If you want to offer your assistance with your request, simply send me a message and I’ll work through it with you. If your request is anonymous, I will make sure to keep your blog’s identity private.

✫Do you do Shipping Requests?

I do not do character x character HCs and scenarios. I don’t personally ship any of team Gai with any other character, and I don’t want to delve into the Tumblr shipping community. Please do not send me requests for ships, I will delete them.

✫Are Pre-Shippuden/Kid requests allowed?

I will do Genin/Academy team Gai! Crushes allowed for this age, but all true romance HCs will be reserved for Shippuden-aged Team Gai. (Might Gai is obviously exempt from this rule.)

✫Do you allow NSFW content?

NSFW is allowed, but keep in mind that characters for these will always be 18+.

Please do not submit NSFW requests unless you are 18+.

✫Can I request a character doing x/y/z unsavory thing?

It’s officially canon™ that none of the members of team Gai engage in pedophilia, non-con, abuse, neglect, etc. I won’t write scenarios that include them doing these!

Part I Neji’s calloused treatment of Hinata and early cold demeanor towards his team which was shown in brief in the anime, but Pre-Exams Neji would not engage in the systematic abuse of any other character. Genin!Neji would verbally put down other characters, threaten/belittle them if they pressed on his insecurities, or give them a swift but impersonal beat-down if they challenged him. His murderous anger would only be reserved for the main branch (or enemy-nin), and only exuded in situations that are within the rules and guidelines. Instances of his anger outside of this would be shut down by Gai or by having his curse seal activated. Remember that Genin!Neji is still a 13/14 year old boy with anger issues and trauma. He is, at worst, a teenage bully who might take things a little too far.

✫Can I request scenarios that involve abuse/disorders/violence?

Yes, but keep in mind all HCs/Scenarios that involve readers coping with abuse/disorders/unsavory events will be summarily labeled, excessively tagged, and hidden beneath cuts. These requests may be pushed back in favor of others because they will take longer to write.

✫Why do “High-Risk” content requests take so much longer?

HCs/Scenarios that involve characters/readers coping with abuse/disorders/violence will take much longer. I will not write about something I have not done research on, so please be patient! I want to be sure that I avoid harmful portrayals or stereotypes. I know fictional HCs/Scenarios can be therapeutic and provide escapism, so I want to handle these requests with care to keep the environment of this blog welcoming and friendly for everyone who loves team Gai.

Helpful Tip: Send me a second ask/DM that mentions your request and some pointers or specific things you would like me to touch on/avoid in your request. This will be very informative for me and will speed up the time it takes for me to write! Plus, it’ll be anonymous!

About Me:

Name: Pumpkin (She/Her)

Age: 24 (I’m an adult, so minors please keep this in mind!)

Loves: Pumpkins, Coffee, Team Gai.

Dislikes: OLIVES.

Favorite Character: Neji. I always go for characters with emotional depth and he has so much of it. Also, Hyuga politics are incredibly compelling and should have had their own arc in the series. I am not a fan of how his arc ended overall and I have complaints about Naruto’s talk-no-jutsu in the chunin arc (because it didn’t actually address Neji’s major problems), but overall I find that Neji is a character with the perfect balance of strengths, flaws, motivations, and his stoicism is balanced by his good heart. 

Lee is a very close second, followed by Tenten and Gai who are tied for a close third.

Least Favorite Character: Sasuke. While not technically my “least” favorite, I find the Uchiha as a whole to be extremely…boring. Sasuke’s character and motivations weren’t very compelling or consistent (and while inconsistency is pretty human he isn’t humanized well) and the last arc did not do him justice and did not fully redeem him. 

I’m also not a fan of how he turned out in the epilogue. In general, he wasn’t handled well as a character. As a main character for the series, I felt like I was always expecting more. I dislike him because of the inconsistent writing, but I do believe he had potential.

Favorite Ships: Naruhina. Naruto has someone who literally only wishes for his happiness and success, Hinata has the support and affirmation she’s always looked for. They have a very sweet and fluffy dynamic, and their characters are almost perfect compliments for one another.

While the series failed to do them justice, “The Last” as a standalone arc for them was lovely and should have been inserted in the actual series, preferably sometime before the last war arc. I really wish they had more in the series to further their relationship.

Least Favorite Ships: Oh boy. I do not ship NejiTen or LeeTen and I oppose both ships. 

I ship Tenten only with herself. In the shinden novels it’s mentioned that Tenten has never had any romantic goals. A major character development piece is her finally coming to terms with the fact that she’s fine being as she is without the societal pressure of having to marry or pursue romance. Shipping her with anyone is a huge disservice to her character and a core part of her identity, and disregards a major part of her personality. Also read: it’s OOC.

Tenten’s bro-ship with her teammates is golden and a wonderful portrayal of how guy/girl friendships can be extremely deep and comfortable while still being platonic. That needs representation!

Additionally, neither ship has a real foundation. With the exception of Chouji/Karui, all romantic connections were stated explicitly in the anime/manga OR in the Gaiden novels (Chouji/Karui was alluded to in Sakura Hiden.) Tenten, when she IS in Konoha Gaiden, explicitly mentions she is disinterested in romance. This is consistent with her character and a perfectly acceptable choice for her narrative, which is why I support it.

Neji and Tenten only bond over being too mature for Gai/Lee shenanigans and training together when Lee/Gai are off. In the Chunin arc she comments that both Sasuke and Kakashi are cute, but makes no mention of Neji aside from her admiration of his abilities. Neji comments on her abilities as well during her fight with Temari, but Lee is the one who gives her open support. Their relationship is shown as friendly, but is strictly a Nakama bond. Most of their interaction in the Chunin exams is related to, or entirely revolves around the absence of Lee. There are no allusions to their relationship, even as a joke. In a shounen anime, romance is almost always explicitly mentioned or alluded to. In Naruto, this was also true for virtually all pairings and love triangles. Neji and Tenten never had this. Any development is purely-fan made or fan-imagined.

I especially dislike this pairing because from a narrative/storytelling standpoint and the way they are characterized, they do not (and would not) contribute to the other's personal development in any significant fashion. Tenten trained with Neji in the Chunin exams for two reasons; her abilities were most suited for training Kaiten, and she was his teammate--therefore the only reasonable choice to secretly practice a technique that Neji was not supposed to learn. She was his primary supporter in the stands because she trained with him and Lee/Gai were both absent to also comment on Neji. Even though Kishi made a lot of questionable choices when it came to romance, not having Neji and Tenten together was not one of them. It made perfect sense for both characters to work together when necessary, but they have zero shared themes or development arcs. The only one, "Getting stronger," is a Team Gai-wide theme.

Even if Tenten was given more personal development in the series, her development would have revolved around herself and the development of her own abilities as a shinobi. She was never a character that was meant for romance. And it's perfectly fine for her to be that way.

Lee and Tenten have more personal interactions and far more relationship building moments in both canon and fillers, but they especially don’t have romantic chemistry--more brother/sister. They are confirmed as not together in Boruto for this very reason. They are fiercely supportive of one another and a fantastic duo. This does not mean they need a romance, either.

Feel free to ship who you like, but please do not request character x character on this blog, the request will be summarily deleted. This is not a shipping blog, but there are others out there that can cater to your needs. Thank you!

#Pumpkintalks #pumpkin talks #FAQ #I keep forgetting not everyone regularly uses desktop #obvi I have to for writing purposes #my b #the shinobi way #TheShinobiWay

[the-colony-roleplay]

Felix Tate Turner | Twenty Two;  Survivor

House: Delma Security Class: 1 Status: Uninfected Alignment: New Wave Reformists

History

tw: eating disorder

Felix was raised by an adoring father who, despite not being the most emotionally stable parent, would move heaven and earth for his son. The spitting image of his fair-skinned, delicate mother, Felix was born in Brisbane, Australia, six weeks premature in a complicated delivery that left both the boy and his mother in critical condition. Rushed to their respective ICUs, Felix bounced back in optimum time—his mother, however, died roughly four hours after giving birth.

Felix’s father, Henry, was absolutely crushed. Already a somewhat emotionally fragile man, he crumbled in the aftermath of the trauma, and under the pressure and fear of having to take care of his newborn son by himself. It wasn’t that he hadn’t believed he could make a great father, it was that he’d never imagined having to do it without Yvonne. She had been the love of his life, and up until the birth of his baby boy, the single most important thing to him. Still, Henry fought tooth and nail to give his son the strongest childhood he could—which meant long hours at the office in the hopes of earning that promotion, hiring a Nanny to help out wherever possible and sending Felix to the prestigious all-boys private school Yvonne had always wanted for him.

Henry hated being away from his son and did the best he could to make up for his absence when they were together. He’d take Felix on outings, teach him how to bake and sew—Felix had never shown much interest in playing sports and had always had a natural inclination towards the finer, more domestic disciplines of life, and so Henry had gone to any lengths he could to be both the father Felix deserved, and the mother he would never have. Henry even got a friend from work to show him how to use a sewing machine so he could in turn teach his son.

Unfortunately, however, his ardent attempts to bond with his boy never quite fostered the results he’d hoped for. The amount of time Felix spent with the Nanny, and all those occasions his father failed to be there for dance recitals, talent shows, bring-your-parent to school days—those times are the ones that stood out, to Felix, and what he carried with him as he got older.

Those times—and the ones his father spent curled up in a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor. After his wife’s death, Henry spent extensive time in therapy, and struggled with severe PTSD and depression. He loved his son more than anything in the world, but Henry’s attempts to protect Felix from the lasting effects of his grief were only minorly successful, and resulted in a young Felix more often than not knowing his Daddy to be either ‘Sad’ or ‘Away’.

As Felix got older, Henry began to fall even more out of touch with him. He didn’t know how to bond with his son anymore because, as a young teenager, Felix wasn’t really interested in walks in the park or in going for ice cream or baking cookies—at least, not with his Dad. And the more they grew distant, the clingier Henry became. Felix didn’t have the tools to face the depths of his father’s grief, and feeling suffocated by Henry’s desperate attempts at keeping him close, began to cope by creating more distance.

Craving independence from his father, Felix became very involved in his social status at school. Deeply lonely but totally unequipped to make meaningful connections, he began seeking attention in other ways. He became intensely preoccupied with his appearance, which had been fawned over by strangers since he was a toddler, and he jumped on any and every opportunity to take centre stage. But creative by nature and unabashedly competitive, he excelled in the spotlight. Musical theatre, dance, piano—he did it all and he did it with grace, energy and fierce commitment. At fourteen, he was scooped up by a local scout and got into modelling—six months later, he was in love. He’d always had dreams of becoming a pop star or a fashion icon, and modelling offered a glamour and limelight he couldn’t resist.

He finished grade ten at sixteen, but opted out of Australia’s discretional Upper Secondary, at the encouragement from his agent. And soon he was being whisked around the world for photoshoots and runway bookings. At that time, he’d begun using his middle name, Tate, for his modelling career, preferring it over Felix because he thought it sounded sharper, and stronger—and he was unfailingly terrified of being soft, like his father. Breakable, like his father.

But the next couple of years were a whirlwind, and at seventeen he used his connections in the industry to leverage him a shot at pursuing a record label. He was signed by an independent agency in Australia under the stage name ‘Felix Tee’ and though he was only just starting, the media attention he was already getting as a model helped with his exposure a great deal. However, though you’d be hard pressed to get him to admit it, his fame did not bring him the fulfillment he hoped it would. The more he got, the more he felt he needed, and life at the mercy of the industry was hard. Not only did the pressure harden him in ways a boy his age shouldn’t have had to, it also aggravated an eating disorder that he’d first been diagnosed with when he was only thirteen.

Felix Today

When D-Day hit, Felix had just landed back in Sydney, after a week spent working in Japan. It was to his father’s immense relief, that they were reunited in the absolute chaos of the flooding airport, and for the first time in several years, Felix clung to his father’s embrace, not keen to let go.

They spent most of the past five years in Colony 30, just outside of Penrith, Australia, where the mountains had provided some protection from flooding and the elements. His father eventually became an Elite, acting as an advisor in the trading relationships between Colonies. When the NWRF rose to power, Henry got looped in with them sort of by accident, and though he was somewhat lukewarm about their positions on the Infected, Felix found himself easily persuaded by their arguments. But it was in his nature to be intensely uncomfortable with the idea of being inferior in some way. As an Uninfected, he couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t been affected by some kind of new world ‘evolution’ and there was little he hated more than feeling left out, or left behind. It seemed absurdly unfair that people were suddenly awarded special ‘abilities’, apparently at random and that it was something they neither worked for, nor earned. And so, feeling slighted, he fell into the Reformists’ pattern of not trusting what he didn’t understand.

Felix and his father eventually used Henry’s influence to be transferred overseas, hoping to locate Felix’s aunt, who they believed to have been living in Bristol before D-Day. They’d had no luck finding her via Echo or Colony registry, but Henry couldn’t give up hope. So a place was set aside for them at Colony 22, and they arrived mid-January, 2163—apparently (and fortunately) only a few days after a recovery from some kind of parasite.

The apocalypse has undeniably brought Felix closer to his father—though there is still a lot of progress to be made before they could be considered ‘close’—but in many ways, he is vastly unchanged. He is still extremely vain and insecure, and his insecurities manifest as they always have, in the overcompensation of his narcissism and a disastrously competitive streak. He has a tendency to be catty and judgemental and remains something of a diva, to put it kindly. Having never learned how to even begin being vulnerable, Felix has immature coping mechanisms, is easily frustrated, and can be quite fickle and fake with his peers.

His eating disorder is still a daily struggle (which was categorized as OSFED, ‘Otherwise Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder’) but he is insistent with his father that he has it under control and that it is no longer an issue. But evidence of his malnutrition is already causing him trouble in training, and he is dreading the start of the Games season, as he has never done anything quite like it before.

RELATED BIOS: HENRY LIAMSON-TURNER | ANGEL THORNE

TAKEN

#troye sivan #troye sivan fc #literate rp #original rp #oc rp #felix turner #delma #taken #male #uninfected #survivor #taken male #taken survivor #taken uninfected #nwrf #sc1

[stilltryingallthetime]

Rules

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible (and most people here will probably know me from my other blogs) but it’s all very important:

my name is Ele, born in ‘89, cis woman, aro ace, chronically ill and therefore can be slow/selective about threads depending on my energies and time. Super friendly, just absent/slow because of that. 

My main blog (that I’ll use to follow you) is thecharmingknightemma (you don’t need to follow it back unless you want to interact with her but you’ll find my ooc posts/updates there), other blogs are monsterinamusicbox, the more active Jemma Simmons au sosadandyetsoamazing, and my multi musesonawhim (my Clarke was revived there, initially).

In this blog I want to write all the canon divergent plots, especially the ones where the second Praimfaya doesn’t happen and they all get to experience peace and deal with their traumas. But in general, this is a blog where I want to find relief from the never-ending angst of canon, where we get healing and happy endings (after the obvious nice cliché plots regarding injures, dealing with traumas, saving each other, the basic normal angst and hurt/comfort, as long as it doesn’t end with death or ‘I’ll never be able to be happy again). You can find the canon divergences in the about page. There are also plot ideas for Bellamy, written when I meant to only have threads with Bellamy rpers, but that can give you an idea of all the scenarios in which I can write Clarke.  Note: I’m not exactly involved in the 100 fandom but I feel it’s important to say that you won’t find anti-posts here. This is a happy place. If you hate Clarke and post about it I will unfollow.   

due to the nature of this blog, aka an extra selective blog where I get to write all the canon divergences I want, and me having limited inspiration when it comes to how many characters I can see Clarke having interactions with, I prefer for now to only have Clarke interact with the following characters: first of all Bellamy, because I’m bringing Clarke back to change what canon did in s7/rewrite the show, and also because I expect to only have a few versions of the other characters, since I write Clarke as willing to fight back when antagonized by friends and I’m not sure of how many roleplayers will accept that or my canon divergences in general. But I’d also like to write with Raven, Murphy, Echo, Emori, Madi, Abby, Octavia, Diyoza roleplayers who don’t hate Clarke and would like to basically write aus/canon divergences and less depressing/fighty things. More bonding and friendships!

also very important: while my being constantly sick can get in the way of me being able to chat, I’m actually super friendly if sometimes shy, so PLEASE, feel incredibly free to either come to plot with me or specify in your asks (or the tags of your replies to my open starters) which au scenario you’d like or anything of the sort. I will worry less about forcing an au scenario on you. Even if ‘v. the mansion’ the one where Praimfaya doesn’t happen is my fave, for the sake of simplicity if we don’t plot I’ll default to season 7 not happening and them getting to live in Sanctum in peace. I can however welcome Octavia and Diyoza coming back from their own adventure with a child or adult Hope. 

this blog’s activity will depend on my health and the fact that I will likely only have a few rp partners, which means that there might be times when you won’t see me online not because I don’t have inspiration or time but because I don’t have drafts. Also I’m Italian and timezones are the enemy.

If I follow you from my main you can jump in. If I don’t follow you from my main or if you ignore/clearly haven’t read my rules and about page, and try to force an interaction with a character I’m not inspired to write with, I will ignore you/soft block you. Don’t ask me to try to rp with other characters, it’s so awkward to say no.

I’m the most chill roleplayer when it comes to threads being dropped, us having multiple threads and sending many memes, you being slow or replying to others first, shipping with others and not me. Only send me memes if you want threads, I don’t care if you reblog them from me. I’ll respect your preference if you believe in reblog karma.

I have no icons at this time. You feel free to use them.

I love shipping and I love platonic relationships, so I won’t ever forceship. NSFW depends on who I write with, normally I fade to black. I’m sex repulsed and bad at saying no so I’d rather avoid it altogether unless I’m comfortable with the other person. I don’t write polyamory.

Things I need to be tagged are: images with gore, nsfw, daddy kink even if ooc. I will not write abusive/toxic relationships or rape between our muses, eating disorders, descriptions of rape in general, and miscarriage. If you need anything special tagged, do let me know! I will tag suicidal thoughts (it’s Clarke) or anything related to suicide with ‘suicide tw’, I will not tag PTSD or trauma because that’s a constant. I will avoid any content you tell me you wish me to avoid (except, again, the fact that I cannot write Clarke as not traumatized).  

#rules for mobile #rules

[scriptshrink]

Depression Specifiers - Demystifying the DSM-5

Depression doesn’t present the same way in different people - and this goes beyond even the potentially contrasting symptoms required for a diagnosis (see here for those criteria!).

As such, the DSM-5 describes certain clusters of symptoms that can help narrow down what exactly a character is going through.

These categories (or “specifiers”) all follow the diagnosis itself. For instance, it’d be “Persistent Depressive Disorder with Melancholic Features” or “Major Depressive Disorder with Peripartum Onset”, etc.

CW: Suicide mention

Anxious Distress:

The character’s depression is accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

This specifier requires two or more of the following symptoms more days than not during a major depressive episode or persistent depressive disorder:

Feeling keyed up / tense

Feeling unusually restless

Having trouble concentrating because they’re so worried about things

Fearing that something awful might happen

Feeling like they might “lose control” of themselves

You also need to say how severe it is:

Mild: 2 symptoms

Moderate: 3 symptoms

Moderate-severe: 4-5 symptoms

Severe: 4-5 symptoms AND the character is physically agitated – see “psychomotor agitation” here for more info.

This specifier is also associated with a higher risk of suicide and a longer duration of depression. Treatment may be less effective.

Mixed Features:

In short, the depressive episode has elements of mania. See my post here for more info.

Melancholic Features:

The big thing that differentiates melancholic features from any other kind of depression is the lack of mood reactivity – basically, the character almost never feels any pleasure at all. If they do, it’s for only a few minutes at most.

One or more of the following happens when the depression is at its worst:

The character needs to lose interest or take less pleasure in almost every activity they formerly enjoyed.

When anything good happens, the character doesn’t feel much better (even temporarily).

Three or more of the following:

The character’s depressed mood is notably filled with despair, moroseness, or feeling empty.

The depression is regularly worse in the morning.

The character wakes up a lot earlier than they intend to (i.e. at least two hours before normal)

The character has psychomotor agitation or retardation (see here!)

The character loses their appetite or loses weight

The character feels worthless or excessively guilty

Melancholic features are more frequently seen in inpatients, and are associated with more severe depressive episodes.

Atypical Features

The following features have to be notably present more days than not of the depressive episode.

The character needs to have mood reactivity - the character does feel a bit better when good things happen.

And two or more of the following symptoms:

Weight gain or increase in appetite

The character sleeps a lot

Leaden paralysis (i.e. feeling like their body is heavy and unresponsive)

The character has a long-term pattern of being sensitive to rejection by other people – to the point that it affects their social life or job.

The character can’t also meet the criteria for melancholic features or catatonia.

Shrink’s note - Even though the name says “atypical”, it’s not really considered outside the norm anymore. The name is a holdover from historical psych stuff.

Psychotic Features

The character has delusions or hallucinations.

These can be either:

Mood-congruent psychotic features – the things the character believes or perceives are related to the depressed theme of their mood episode.

Ex. I am possessed by the devil; I am a carrier of a disease that will kill anyone who comes near me; all the terrorist attacks in the world are due to my personal failings; I hear voices that tell me to kill myself, etc.

Mood-incongruent psychotic features – the things that the character believes or perceives are neutral or unrelated to their depression

Ex. I am being followed by the FBI; a celebrity I’ve never met is secretly in love with me; I am the messiah; I hear voices that tell me random things, etc.

Catatonia

The character is catatonic for the majority of their depressive episode. See here for what that means.

Peripartum Onset

Basically, the character’s depression begins while they’re pregnant or in the 4 weeks after they give birth.

This is the fancy new name for “postpartum depression.” It was changed because people realized that about half of people with postpartum depression begin having symptoms before they give birth.

Also, check out this post.

Seasonal Pattern

This is what used to be called “Seasonal Affective Disorder”.

There needs to be a clear link between when the depressive episodes begin and what time of year it is. This link can’t be because of any specific reason (e.g., regularly being unemployed during the winter, the anniversary of a trauma, etc.).

The character needs to completely recover from their depression by another specific time of year.

The character needs to have had two major depressive episodes in the last two years that fit this pattern, and cannot have been depressed outside of that season.

If the character has had other depressive episodes before, there need to be more seasonal ones than nonseasonal ones.

Note - This specifier only applies if the character has recurrent major depressive disorder.

PS. There are some other general specifiers about remission, frequency, and severity that will be gone into in a future post.

PPS. a lot of these specifiers also apply to the bipolar and related disorders, but there are some slight differences that I’ll also get into in a future post.

Disclaimer // Support Scriptshrink on patreon!

#text #specifiers #demystifying #Demystifying the DSM 5 #depression #major depressive disorder #major depressive episode #persistent depressive disorder #anxiety #mixed features #mixed episode #melancholic features #atypical depression #psychotic features #psychosis #catatonia #postpartum depression #seasonal affective disorder #this is not psychological or medical advice #this is writing advice #future posts

[tiredbiplantlady]

bipolar ask posted by loloren69 

General:

1. Type 1 or type 2? 

I don’t really know. I could speculate as a psych master’s student, but I don’t feel comfortable making that call. I only know my therapist told me I was bipolar, said I was manic, and described mania to me and specified my behaviors that fell in line with that, no doubt about it, which would indicate bipolar I

2. Self-dx or professional dx? 

Self-suspected, professional confirmed 

3. Are you currently hypo/manic, depressed, mixed, stable, or not sure?

Hypomanic at the least, but it feels like I’m coming down because I’m exhausted for the first time in a while and 6 or 7 days of barely sleeping  

4. Do you have any other mental illnesses/disorders? 

I’ve had a diagnosable form of nearly every anxiety disorder in the DSM at different times since childhood and was diagnosed with various disorders from ADD to dysthymia and adjustment disorder. I consider my only other still-valid diagnosis to be PTSD, but it’s in remission.

5. When did you first start having symptoms? 

In retrospect I’d say the mood problems started around 15, but it got way worse in 2014 and worse still in 2015. the depressive symptoms were out of control and may have been a mixed episode (age 22) 

6. When did you realize/learn that you have bipolar? 

I suspected it briefly as a teenager even though I didn’t know shit about it, but didn’t think about it again until the past year and then the past few months my therapist identified symptoms I described as hypomania and in the last week as mania 

7. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis?

I don’t know if my former diagnoses were necessarily “misdiagnoses” - I think symptoms change over time, new things come up, other things trail off. I think one professional can see symptoms and call it one thing and another professional can call it something else. It’s complicated and subjective. 

8. How self-aware are you on a scale of 1-10? 

LMAO I am the most over-analyzing, self-aware person - easy 9 or 10

9. How many people know about your bipolar disorder? 

Couple people. I’m skeptical about talking about disorders, especially new diagnoses because I’m insecure about what people think because I’ve received several from different professionals, and outside people tend to just see a shifting diagnosis and think I’m making shit up “new year, new diagnosis” always gotta have “something wrong with me” to talk about. Which isn’t how I feel and labels don’t really mean shit, it’s the symptoms and their treatment I care about. A label is just a fast way to describe something complex. sorry it took a while to figure out what was wrong and i went thru many labels before landing here

10. Are any of your family members bipolar? 

Two formal diagnoses/very related diagnoses that I know of (grandma - MDD w/psychotic features, highly likely undiagnosed bipolar based on past behaviors (delusions, hallucinations, yelling on top of a roof, etc. police called, institutionalization), uncle - bipolar I w/psychotic features). some others I suspect, imo

11. Name three fictional characters you relate to and/or headcanon as bipolar. 

Uhhh Ian Gallagher. I’m not creative with this right now and I haven’t thought about this at all. 

Hypo/mania:

12. When hypo/manic, do you get euphoric, dysphoric, angry, creative, social, or several of the above? 

It depends. It seems like I get euphoric, creative and social sometimes, and euphoric, agitated (not angry), and dysphoric other times. But those cluster together

13. What has been your longest hypo/manic episode? 

I think it was from November 2016 to January 2017, so like 3 months, but it was the first “episode” I noted and kept even some track of after the fact. I may have had others in the past. 

14. Have you ever had a psychotic episode? What symptoms did it include? 

I’ve had two depressive episodes that I can specifically certainly note that included delusions (lasted just over a month to two months) of the somatic variety. 

15. What kind of impulsive decisions have you made? 

Where do I start? Over-spending, over-eating, drinking to excess, impulsive risky sex/sexual situations/hypersexuality, getting tattoos/piercings (kinda goes with spending, but I mention it specifically because it’s permanent), long-distance travel without telling anyone where I was going, cheating, lying, not thinking ahead and it hurting people, falling in love, ending relationships, general recklessness and selfishness. I’m sure there’s more and I’m not proud of it in the slightest, so please don’t think I am. 

16. What’s the most money you’ve spent in a single day while hypo/manic? 

$200-300

17. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 

Period...um. I couldn’t say. Probably 2 with NO sleep and with minimal sleep (3-4 hours) over a week

18. Are you a creative type? Have you ever made a poem/song/other artwork about being bipolar? 

I’m creative, but I don’t write about being bipolar because I never fully considered myself to be so until recently. I’ve written about mood instability and trauma a TON tho. And much of my art work is and always has been about duality, mixed emotions, extremes, and highs/lows. 

Depression:

19. When depressed, do you get suicidal, bored, anxious, guilty, or several of the above? 

It depends, but I’m mostly unmotivated as fuck and empty. I start feeling worthless and unlovable and I hate myself. Sometimes I feel suicidal, but have never attempted and won’t. I’ve self-harmed and planned how to kill myself, but was never intending to do it. I’ve spent the majority of my life in a state of constant anxiety so there’s that, especially when depressed. Irrational guilt and sluggishness are common for me with depression. Once in a while my mood dives along with my energy, but my mind is over-worked and highly anxious, which is when the delusions I’ve had occurred. 

20. What has been your longest depressive episode? 

Fuck...months upon months. I couldn’t tell you. Maybe even a year or more, which is why I was misdiagnosed as dysthymic as a teenager 

21. How do you cope with depression? 

In the past, I didn’t. I suffered massively. Now, I’m still not so great with it. I talk in therapy and I write, but even still I tend to stay in bed and feel numb/mope/distract myself with anything I can. I tend to be able to function enough to go to school because I feel like my life and future depends on it, am anxious as fuck, and do my best but end up with late work, being withdrawn and feeling doomed to fail, believe I’m doing far worse than I am and that I’m awful and don’t deserve to be there

22. Are you a sleep-all-day depressive or an insomniac depressive? Do you overeat or lose your appetite? 

It depends, but in the most recent past, sleep-all-day and overeat. But I’ve been sleep-all-day and no appreciative and I’ve also been insomniac and overeat (2013-14) 

23. When is the last time you cried or had a breakdown? 

Tuesday August 1, 2017 (9 days ago) 

24. Have you ever self-harmed? 

YUP. Razor blades/cutting, punishing binge-eating, starvation, and abusive risky BDSM/relationships/sex 

25. Have you had problems with substance abuse? 

Not really, but I’ve drank a little lately 

26. Have you ever attended AA/NA/etc? 

No 

27. Have you ever attempted suicide? 

No 

28. Have you ever written a suicide note?

Yes, but it was just to get it out. I threw it out after I wrote it. 

Other symptoms and treatment:

29. Do you ever dissociate? 

Y U P 

30. Do you ever have hallucinations? If so, what are they? 

No hallucinations. I’ve thought I’ve heard shit before, but I’m pretty sure it was a fluke and I want to believe in ghosts so. Call me crazy if you want, but what the fuck ever. I’ve had delusions only 

31. Do you see a therapist? Do you feel like it’s helping? 

Yes and yes 

32. Are you on any medications? Do you feel like they’re helping? 

No, not anymore, and I fucking hate anti-depressants, refuse mood-stabilizers and anti-psychotics and maybe want to keep having some anxiety meds

33. Have you ever been hospitalized? 

No, and I want to keep it that way 

34. Have you ever attended group therapy? 

No, but I’ve conducted roleplay group therapy baahaha

35. Have any of your symptoms gotten worse over the years? 

Yeah, I think the manic shit has gotten worse over the last 2 years 

36. Have any of your symptoms gotten better over the years? 

I think the depressive stuff has gotten a little better, or maybe just less frequent  

37. Do you have a favorite coping method? 

What does that mean...healthy or unhealthy...I guess I like meditation and I fucking miss working out A LOT. I like drinking as an unhealthy thing, but I’m sure I’ll hate it as much as I hate binge-eating once it catches up to me if I let it get that far. I’m tired of gaining weight after the 80 pounds I lost, and it’s really fucking with my self-esteem, makes me feel frustrated and sick 

38. If you could choose to be neurotypical, would you?

 No 

#meandmine #mental illness/// #general tw #self harm tw #alcohol tw #drugs tw #suicide tw

[1ff]

How To Relate To Multiples, part 1

In order to get other perspectives and help flush out this guide, I’m sharing this rough draft. Please feel free to correct me or suggest additions.

Thanks to @lb-lee for reminding me of the guide by @plures​ at http://www.exunoplures.org/main/articles/rules/ . It’s a very helpful resource, and I think that their guide and mine are different enough to be complimentary.

Also thank you to everyone who has shared their thoughts ( @apinkslime @greysdawn​ ). I invite others to share their insights too.

Introductions, definitions, terminology

Welcome to the world of multiples. You are probably reading this because someone you know has told you that they are multiple, and you have no idea how to proceed. This guide gives some basic advice on how to think about your friend, how to interact with them, and how to interact with the other people that look an awful lot like them.

First, thank you for taking the time to consider this information. It shows empathy and consideration that you are willing to learn about your friend's unusual mental life. Remember that this is still your friend, and there are good reasons you care about them. Learning this new information about them doesn't negate that.

I refer throughout this document to your “friend,” although I recognize that your relationship with them might differ; they might be a loved one, family member, acquaintance, or business contact.

There is so much information that might be useful to you, but I don't want to overwhelm you. In order to make this easier to navigate, I have used footnotes to include information that might not relate to your situation but might be helpful.

To start with, I'll give a few definitions so we're on the same page. Some of these terms are debated, unclear, or change from group to group, so I'll try to be general. Keep in mind that any information in this guide might have to be adjusted to suit your friend's situation. Follow your friend's lead; don't correct them on their own perspective.

Multiplicity is a phenomenon that has existed in many different forms across many different cultures throughout recorded history. In it simplest definition, multiplicity is the state of several different people sharing one body.*

The common thread is that several distinct identities co-habit within a single life, generally taking turns to move, speak, and interact with the world. They often present as very different from each other: they will call themselves by different names, claim to be different ages, genders, or physical appearances, and will walk, talk, emote, and move differently. The specifics of how they present and how others interact with them are dependant on the culture they live in.

In our culture, there is a very specific and defined understanding of what multiplicity means, and it is over 60 years old. It is defined within the parameters of psychiatry as a condition caused by trauma experienced in childhood. ** It is now classified as “Dissociative Identity Disorder,” or DID.

Meanwhile, a growing number of multiples are taking a second look at the phenomenon and questioning its medicalization. Some people are returning to a spiritual understanding of multiplicity, others claim to have become multiple via something other than trauma, and some see their origin as mixed or complex. People who identify as multiple with a non-traumatic origin sometimes call themselves “endogenic” instead of “traumgenic,” and those who have unknown or more complex origins sometimes call themselves “quiogenic.”

A Multiple is a self-contradictory term, grammatically. But most people use it anyway for convenience- your friend might tell you, “I am a multiple” or even “We are a multiple.” A multiple is a body shared by several minds. They are collectively known as a group, collective, or system.

Alter is a term specific to traumagenic multiples; it refers to the other identities that co-habit with the host. Not all multiple groups think of themselves as having a host. Alternative terms to “alter” include identity, member, or headmate. Headmate refers specifically to the relationship between members of a group.

Dissociation refers to a category of mental states that most multiples experience. It's complicated to describe but important, so I gave the subject its own section.

A switch occurs when people within a system change who is actively in control.

I and We have a nuanced meaning for multiples that might seem confusing at first, but logical once you get the hang of it. Multiples will generally refer to their group using we when referring to some or all of the group, for example: “we live on twenty-first street.” It might seem unsettling that someone is referring to themselves in the plural, but really they're not. Consider that if you were referring to yourself and your immediate family you might say “we live on twenty-first street.” You are speaking as a member of a group of people, just as your friend is. The fact that multiples share a life might occasionally lead to some strange-sounding sentences such as “Once, when we were young...” or “we have green eyes and brown hair” or “we've got a scar on our left arm from the surgery.” You'll get used to it.

Your friend may follow different ideas and definitions than what I have laid out here; follow your friend's guidance on how to refer to them, even if you disagree in principle. The process of selves-discovery can be very complicated, so be prepared to adapt your understanding and your terminology as your friend learns about themselves and their group.

* In many cultures, it has been understood in spiritual terms: the body has been inhabited or visited by gods, angels, demons, or other spiritual entities. In some cultures it has been understood as a positive experience, and those who have been visited are revered as spiritually enlightened or blessed. In some cultures, people who are considered “possessed” are seen as cursed and in need of relief from the affliction. Other cultures have neutral or nuanced views on the phenomenon, seeing multiples as experiencing past lives, communicating with the dead, or even communicating with entities from other places or planes of existence.

** Originally called “Multiple Personality Disorder” or MPD, it was seen as an illness wherein the original identity split apart during traumatic circumstances. The prescribed cure was a process called integration, where the original identity would be reformed. Later it was rebranded as “Dissociative Identity Disorder,” or DID, and it came to be understood as more of coping mechanism than an illness. Integration is rarely prescribed now, because it has a high failure rate and can cause even more distress. Instead, therapy often aims to help the identities in the group learn to co-operate. (As a note, there are other diagnoses that are also considered multiple, especially Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder or OSDD.)

#multiplicity

[annwithsass]

Coffee. Black, two sugars.

I find myself conflicted as I go about my ever failing daily routine. On one side I have this fight or drive inside of me, pushing me forward, urging me to reach for what I want and believe in, pursue my dreams and don't let anything get in my way.

That's a great thought to have, looks good on a bumper sticker too, but the act itself. Of really doing what you want, be it big or small. Our greatest obstacle to start and keep going forward, is ourselves. We are our own worst everything.

This will be the first real post I make about my battle with mental illness so if reading things about mental illness, it's symptoms, and the dark sides of it are triggering to you in any way, please leave this entry now. I wouldn't want me sharing with everyone cause anyone pain.

My outpatient treatment team advise me that I've in all likelyhood had depression since I was a child. I went through the early years of my life always feeling alone, dejected, and afraid. I was an only child, and I don't blame my parents for my issues [like maybe having a sister or brother would have helped] there's no way to know that and they were great parents working with what they had to make sure I had what I needed to survive and be content. They never knew how bad my anxiety was, how depressed I was, they never knew because I hid it, I never talked about it, I thought I was just being an annoyance and shoved it deep down inside myself.

Until the age of eleven, I didn't really hang out with anyone. I had been ripped away from the place I called home because my parents wanted to move and not that I had a lot of friends where I was living, it was just that I went to a private Catholic school so it was a very controlled enviroment, a lot of variables I'd never been subjected to I was about to have thrust upon me in a very unceramonious way.

I entered puplic school for seventh grade and stayed in that same public school system until graduation in 2009. Within a week or two of being in this new place I now called home, I met people that seemed to be like me, but they weren't as upset as I was all the time. I needed to know their secret, so I asked them one day. "How do you take the edge off? How do you make life not bring you down so hard?" The answer they gave at first was Marijuana and Nicotine. I became a habitual smoker at the early age of twelve and have struggled with it ever since.

[[Authors Note: TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS THAT IS UNDER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN, CONSIDERING TRYING SMOKING, OR CURRENTLY SMOKING AT ANY AGE. STOP, NOW, SAVE YOUR LUNGS. IT'S HIGHLY ADDICTING AND VERY HARD TO QUIT. I AM MUCH OLDER NOW THAN I WAS THEN AND I AM STILL STRUGGLING TO QUIT ENTIRELY. PLEASE, FOR YOUR HEALTH AND THE HEALTH OF THOSE AROUND YOU THAT YOU LOVE AND THAT LOVE YOU. JUST DON'T START SMOKING. It makes your breath smell bad, teeth yellow, and tongue taste aweful anyway. As well as it kills your sense of taste... Imagine all the pizza, ice cream, or any food that you love and not being able to taste it anymore.]]

So I was smoking cigarettes and pot, I was newly molded into what most people referred to when I was in school as the emo kids, punk kids, weirdo's, there were a bunch of names they used but they all just meant the same thing. I was seen as an outsider, which to their looking glances, I would put on a tough exterior, act like that's how I wanted to be seen, that I wanted no one around and to be left alone. What I really wanted was real friendship, someone to talk to, someone to be there for me. I didn't understand what was happening in my mind and with my day to day life.

I had always had an active imagination, drawing, painting, writing, creating, inventing, I wanted to make things all day everyday. When I reached age sixteen, something inside me just *snapped*. I struggled to create even the simplest of ideas and put them on paper. It got worse and worse and worse until finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get the feeling out, get the pain out, get the pressure that was building underneath the skin out... At the age of sixteen, I began self-harming and attempted suicide for the first time.

After getting into some legal trouble with my school over my drinking problem. Yes, my habits grew numerous. I was smoking still, cigarettes, weed, and now on top of that, I was drinking and doing other drugs that I won't specify. So I got caught, in school no doubt, and ended up on probation and instead of being put to labor for like a community service type deal, I was put in mandatory counceling. The first time at therapy, did nothing for me. She was a very religious woman and I wouldn't talk to her. I would arrive at the appointments as I was supposed to, then I would leave, that's it.

After my probation was over, I started dating. The first man I ended up with physically abused me. He left a mark that still haunts me to this day, and not a physical one either. One that I haven't been able to shake for years, about my self-esteem. The next man I dated, he was abusive mentally and emotionally. My dumbass kept going back to him, as he asked me out just to break up with me with some massive repulsive excuse in a couple weeks.

Then there's the big ex. We dated for 7 years. That's a lot of my life that I spent letting someone who is now fondly referred to as [the devil] in my house and never by his name. I went through a lot while in that relationship. Not all of it bad either.

I found my calling in Emergency Medical Services as an Emergency Medical Technician and Ambulance Operator. I found goals and aspirations in the EMS field, I began drawing again, playing video games again, I felt like I was living for a while. Those were the bright moments. You can't have light without shadows, however.

During these years is when I was in a motor vehicle collision that should have killed me, and on bad days I wish it had. This wreck took everything from me, I was in a wheelchair for many months and had to work tirelessly after having surgery to rebuild my pelvis to regain the ability to walk. I did all that and once I was upright again, I got back on the ambulance, to help those who needed me.

The wreck left scars you can see but it also left ones beneath the surface. I suffered a traumatic brain injury, which changed the way my brain worked, that whole experience did. Six months after the wreck, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Some months after getting rehabilited and able to go backto my apartment that I shared with the man I was with... I also was diagnosed with MDD, OCD, and Acute Alcoholism. I was diagnosed with those while in a Behavioral Health Unit a few hours from where I lived. I had tried to commit suicide again, things were spiraling and I was losing hope.

The relationship I was in ended and the damage that he had done to me, I locked away [unknowingly]. I moved back in with my parents and did what I could to rebuild. I got a job again and started to feel okay. I went to outpatient therapy and took my medication as I was supposed to, I quit drinking all together, and cut back my smoking cigarettes to almost none and I wasn't doing any other drugs at the time. Things, were finally starting to look up.

Then I decided that I didn't need to be on my medication anymore, I decided that I was fine and the meds were just holding me back. I stopped going to therapy too. I fully quit taking my medication about a week after I met a new man. At this time it had about been a year since my attempted suicide and I had only relapsed twice with the alcohol so I thought I was "CURED". I was wrong.

Soon after stopping my medication, my anxiety started peaking through, I was losing time, full days or weeks even, I relapsed again and again with alcohol, I began hurting myself again only this time it was different. It was like someone else was controlling my hand, it was like I was watching a horror movie but I was the star. Everything else around me was just blur and distortion, the only things clear were my blade and my blood. After a few more relapses and moving to a new house, I came and told my parents that I was struggling again and needed their help. Of course they were right by my side with everything I could need, they were very supportive and still are to this day.

I got back to therapy, got back on a medication regimen, started working on getting better. During therapy however I kept having moments where I was talking but I would lose the time, or I would be telling my therapist about something that had happened only to stop myself because the people I was living with had told me that it hadn't. As the months went on, I began losing more time, this time just complete blank-outs. I would wake up in strange places, cuts all over, I woke up once with a large black-eye [that we later found out I did to myself].

Because of my PTSD what I was going through required a special handling and a special controlled enviroment. That's when I learned about a place called Sheppard Pratt and their Trauma Disorders program. I spent two weeks in their program. Learned that while I don't have the traditional diagnosis of DID, I do dissasociate, and it is heavily related to my trauma. It was while working with them, I recovered memories from when I had dissasociated during my time with my ex... The things I saw, heard, felt, my body, my mind, my everything just went into overdrive. I was sent home with a better understanding of my diagnosis and tools that could help, as well as a clearer head and new meds that helped with nightmares and my other symptoms.

I got home and sitting on my bed felt strange, unpacking my bag felt worse, I knew this was my home but it wasn't behind Sheppard Pratt's walls anymore, it wasn't 100% SAFE. I'm not saying that I ALWAYS felt like I was in danger but it was a feeling that was persistant in any case.

A newer symptom I had never had consistant dealings with reared its ugly head, hallucinations both auditory and visual. At this point my depression is getting even worse because one minute I know exactly what's wrong with me, the next I have no idea. Ontop of all this when I had my psych eval done to return to outpatient care originally, I was diagnosed with ADHD so I've got that doing the mamba with my PTSD and it's a party in my damn head.

All of this information leads us to today, as I'm sitting here now, writing these words, about share them with the world. I am petrified. I am lost. In all that I am I know that what I have is real, it has made me disabled, it has made it so I can't work right now, it makes me feel like a burden both to my family and society.

However, somewhere in all that darkness, there's this little light. A flame, if you would. Burning as bright as it can to get my attention. When I focus in on the flame surrounded by black nothingness. I feel that desire to help people, I feel that passion to make people smile and laugh, I feel the warmth of pulling a friend into a hug and saying, "I'm here for you, I believe in you, I've got you." I get the want to keep fighting, I feel the push to take another step and inhale a little deeper next time just to feel my chest expand with a rush of oxygen.

The darkness in me, I'll always have to fight it. I'll always have to fight tooth and nail with myself to make sure my flame doesn't get snuffed out. I still want to help make this place better and right now the only way I can do that is with my words so that's what I'm doing. If you're reading this and you're struggling with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, relapses in drug treatment, or you're just having a really shit day. Know that I am reaching out to you, so you know you can reach out to me. I am here to listen, I am here to help, and there are so many others out there like me that just want to help too. Please, hold out your hand and let one of us grab onto it and pull you out of the darkness. You are not alone, and that means never having to fight alone either.

[[Authors Note: There are a lot of details that I left out of this because my journey wasn't the main point of this writing. The main purpose is to inform, educate, and create safe places where people can come to start a conversation about something that should always be being talked about because it's important. Living is important.]]

To everyone who read this, thank you, I know it was long but I put it out so other's like me, that might feel one ounce of what I do or maybe those who have it even worse can know that they have other's like them out there and we want to be that shoulder to lean on and the hug that pulls the pieces back together while you walk through this scary place we call home.

-A

#akf #you are not alone #surviving #markiplier #jacksepticeye #markipliersheroes #always keep fighting #spnfamily #living is important #we can make each other stronger #reach out

[whatthefuckisbpd-blog1]

9 Types of Depression

Major Depression: A Major Problem The most common form of depression. In fact, about 7 percent of the adult U.S. population has this debilitating mental health condition at any given time, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

If you’re experiencing major depression, you may feel and see symptoms of extreme sadness, hopelessness, lack of energy, irritability, trouble concentrating, changes in sleep or eating habits, feelings of guilt, physical pain, and thoughts of death or suicide — and for an official diagnosis, your symptoms must last for more than two weeks. In some instances, a person might only experience one episode of major depression, but the condition tends to recur throughout a person’s life. The best treatment is usually with antidepressant medications, but talk therapy may also be used to treat depression.

Dysthymia: The Common Depression Form You May Not Know About 2 percent of the American population has a form of depression that’s less severe than major depression, but is still very real.

Dysthymia is a type of depression that causes a low mood over a long period of time — perhaps for a year or more, explained Halaris. “People can function adequately, but not optimally.” Symptoms include sadness, trouble concentrating, fatigue, and changes in sleep habits and appetite. This depression usually responds better to talk therapy than to medications, though some studies suggest that combining medication with talk therapy may lead to the greatest improvement. People with dysthymia may also be at risk for episodes of major depression.

Postpartum Depression: Sadness After the Stork’s Visit A whopping 85 percent of new moms feel some sadness after their baby is born — but for up to 16 percent of women, that sadness is serious enough to be diagnosable.

Postpartum depression is characterized by feelings of extreme sadness, fatigue, loneliness, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, fears about hurting the baby, and feelings of disconnect from the child. It can occur anywhere from weeks to months after childbirth, and Halaris explained it most always develops within a year after a woman has given birth. “It needs prompt and experienced medical care,” he said — and that may include a combination of talk and drug therapy.

Seasonal Affective Disorder: Extreme Winter Weariness Would you prefer to hibernate during the winter than face those cold, dreary days? Do you tend to gain weight, feel blue, and withdraw socially during the season?

You could be one of 4 to 6 percent of people in the United States estimated to have seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Though many people find themselves in winter funks, SAD is characterized by symptoms of anxiety, increased irritability, daytime fatigue, and weight gain. This form of depression typically occurs in winter climates, likely due to the lessening of natural sunlight. “We don’t really know why some people are more sensitive to this reduction in light,” said Halaris. “But symptoms are usually mild, though they can be severe.” This depression usually starts in early winter and lifts in the spring, and it can be treated with light therapy or artificial light treatment.

Atypical Depression: A Misunderstood Form of Depression Despite its name, atypical depression is not unusual. In fact, it may be one of the most common types of depression — and some doctors even believe it is under-diagnosed.

“This type of depression is less well understood than major depression,” explained Halaris. Unlike major depression, a common sign of atypical depression is a sense of heaviness in the arms and legs — like a form of paralysis. However, a study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry (now known as JAMA Psychiatry) found that oversleeping and overeating are the two most important symptoms for diagnosing atypical depression. People with the condition may also gain weight, be irritable, and have relationship problems. Some studies show that talk therapy works well to treat this kind of depression.

Psychotic Depression: Losing Touch With Reality Psychosis — a mental state characterized by false beliefs, known as delusions, or false sights or sounds, known as hallucinations — doesn’t typically get associated with depression. But according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, about 20 percent of people with depression have episodes so severe that they see or hear things that are not really there.

“People with this psychotic depression may become catatonic, not speak, or not leave their bed,” explained Halaris. Treatment may require a combination of antidepressant and antipsychotic medications. A review of 10 studies concluded that it may be best to start with an antidepressant drug alone and then add an anti-psychotic drug if needed. Another review, however, found the combination of medications was more effective than either drug alone in treating psychotic depression.

Bipolar Disorder: From High to Low (and Back to High Again) If your periods of extreme lows are followed by periods of extreme highs, you could have bipolar disorder (sometimes called manic depressive disorder because symptoms can alternate between mania and depression).

Symptoms of mania include high energy, excitement, racing thoughts, and poor judgment. “Symptoms may cycle between depression and mania a few times per year or much more rapidly,” Halaris said. “This disorder affects about 2 to 3 percent of the population and has one of the highest risks for suicide.” Bipolar disorder has four basic subtypes: bipolar I (characterized by at least one manic episode); bipolar II (characterized by hypomanic episodes — which are milder — along with depression); cyclothymic disorder; and other specified bipolar and related disorder. People with bipolar disorder are typically treated with drugs called mood stabilizers.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: When Depression Strikes Once a Month Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD, is a type of depression that affects women during the second half of their menstrual cycles. Symptoms include depression, anxiety, and mood swings. Unlike premenstrual syndrome (PMS), which affects up to 85 percent of women and has milder symptoms, PMDD affects about 5 percent of women and is much more severe.

“PMDD can be severe enough to affect a woman’s relationships and her ability to function normally when symptoms are active,” said Halaris. Treatment may include a combination of depression drugs as well as talk and nutrition therapies.

Situational Depression: When Life Gets You Down Also called adjustment disorder, situational depression is triggered by a stressful or life-changing event, such as job loss, the death of a loved one, trauma — even a bad breakup.

Situational depression is about three times more common than major depression, and medications are rarely needed — that’s because it tends to clear up over time once the event has ended. However, that doesn’t mean it should be ignored: Symptoms of situational depression may include excessive sadness, worry, or nervousness, and if they don’t go away, they may become warning signs of major depression.

#depression