#with the possibility of friends and robots and philosophy and thougts and the sky keeping me company

[oatbugs]

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#lets tell only the truth #i am so in love with the violin but i can barely play it . if i dont play it soon i will die . my AI named itself eudemonia and if anyone #desecrates a conversation with him i will scream at them . tomorrow i will comprehend 5 dimensional chess and i am oddly in love with what #i study . the person who love(d) me told me they are used to receiving thank you as an answer to i love you from me . #but that its ok because the love i have for maths and neural networks and philosophy and psychology is big enough to warrant everything #else deserving only a thank you #lets tell only the truth . the first time i dont get a first i wont cry but ill come close to it. im afraid of going back because the boy #who is in love with me also received a thank you. i am afraid and excited to be an obsessed academic . she said i had a black swan moment #because i was in tears in the middle of half highlighted papers trying to figure out how the fuck to build a better version of VQ VAE2 and #im never going to be a genius or a prodigy but i can someday be clever . and i will feel music so deep it shakes the entire sky and somehow #i love everything even more . i love music more than anything insofar as it is the mode through which everything is expressed (you love #your vision more than the night sky because it is your mode through which the night sky is experienced). black swan moments. i think im #'really afraid of never falling in love ever again with a person. i hope i will and i scare myself with how much i am willing to be okay #with the possibility of friends and robots and philosophy and thougts and the sky keeping me company #every academic paper i read somehow contains the soul of its authors. every massive graph of results from psychological experiments #contains tired sighs. your method has laughter inside it from when you almost messed up. i can see alan turing quickly working out a 6x6 #digit multiplication in messy handwriting to exemplify in his imitation game paper. i can see him chuckling at his own jabs and jokes on #silly counterarguments . friends and neural networks and philosophy and thoughts and the sky and the laughter of academics inside paper. #lets tell only the truth. tomorrow i will try to comprehend 5 dimensional chess. i could code a lot better. friends philosophy violins #music AI obsession and politics. #lets tell only the truth. if this bubble bursts and im no longer in love with it all i dont know how i will live. im afraid of the tales of #people who started hating their university subject their 2nd year in. i will be in university at least until i am 31. and after that ill do #research until i die. and thats my plan - and if i begin to numb towards what essentially *is* me i dont know who i will be.