#with the qualifier of it can't be weird and bad on purpose | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

f1goat · 1 year

Text

breaking the rules + Lando Norris - part five

In which Lando is your brothers rival in the championship battle, but you can't stay away from him.

part one - part two - part three - part four

“Fuck,” you mutter. Some mechanics next to you grin a bit. Everyone is focused on the big screen in front of you. The third free practice has just began and with Sunday being the important day, every session matters even more than normally. You see the replay and sigh. Lando is going to be pissed. You can’t even tell if it was an accident or not, but Pierre collided in to Lando. Causing Lando to get in to the barriers. You try to look closer at his car, it seems bad.

“Can they even fix that before the qualifications tonight?” You ask the mechanics from Ferrari.

“I think your brother needs to thank Pierre,” one of them tells you with a laugh.

“I don’t know, the barrier caused some serious damage if I can see it right,” another one tells you.

You sigh. You can only hope McLaren mechanics can fix this. You want nothing more than to be there for Lando right now, but you can’t think of a way how. They show the replay once again of what happened between Lando and Pierre. At the top of the screen you see the notice of FIA, telling everyone they’ll investigate after the session. They show how Lando is walking back to his motorhome, not even looking at Pierre while doing so. How pissed would he be right now?

Before you can really think about your new formed plan, you decide to walk out of the Ferrari pit box. Not in the mood to hear the enthusiasm from the mechanics and the other team members about Lando his broken car. Of course, it’s great for your brother something like this happened, but it can’t be fair. You keep wondering if Pierre did it on purpose. You start walking towards the McLaren pit box, hoping to meet Lando before he arrives. You already see him coming closer. He’s still wearing his helmet, that can only mean he’s pretty pissed off.

You walk closer towards Lando, not mentioning your surroundings. It can’t be the worst idea to talk to him quickly right? You just have to hope it’s not being broadcasted. Maybe this is a bad idea. What if the cameras are still filming Lando right now? What if your brother sees it later? You sigh. Fuck it. It won’t take long before you will tell Charles everything. You decide to take the risk. It will be a problem for later if you need to explain something. You can only hope that will be after the race from tomorrow.

“Y/N?”

Someone grabs your arm, pulling you closer. You look up surprised. You know it’s not Lando. It can’t be Lando. You didn’t reach him yet. You are being pulled in a hug. What’s going on? You quickly look up, trying to get out of the hug. The white AlphaTauri cap is the first thing you notice. It must be Pierre. Is this a sign that you don’t need to take the risk? Or is this just Pierre being his annoying self? Probably some weird combination of both you think annoyed. Is it so much to ask to just speak to Lando? When Pierre finally loosens his grip on you, you quickly take a step back.

“It’s so sweet of you to come up to me after that incident,” Pierre tells you with a big smile.

It’s exactly that moment that Lando walks close enough to notice everyone about you two. He feels himself getting mad. Are you for real? He can’t believe that he actually thought you would be coming over to him. How can he even think something as stupid as that. He’s not your first priority. Apparently Pierre deserves your attention even more than he does. He is starting to see red. How can you do something like that? Didn’t you see what happened? What Pierre caused? He can’t even believe you would seek Pierre his attention after Pierre pushed him off the track. If he loses tomorrow it’s probably because of this. He doesn’t even know if he can qualify normally. And you are hugging with the guy that causes all of this? He scoffs when he walks past you. Not even seeing the desperate gaze you’re trying to send him.

You don’t know what to do next. Pierre keeps talking to you about what happened on track and how accidental it was. Every time you hear him mention the word accident, you wonder if Pierre realizes it you know that he’s lying. You play with the charm on your necklace. Trying to calm yourself a bit. There’s a huge feeling of guilt waving through you. You can’t believe you didn’t notice Pierre before it was too late. You just wanted to see Lando, you only wanted to talk to him. Is Lando mad at you? You can’t help to keep asking yourself that question. You tried to look at him, telling with your eyes he was the one you were after and not Pierre. But he didn’t look back at you, now that you think about it all you noticed was a scoff. He must be mad.

In the mean time Lando is getting even more frustrated when the cameras zoom in at you and Pierre. He sighs. A few mechanics look up to him, the ones that aren’t already working on his car. He doesn’t say anything else, he decides to get in to his dressing room. He needs some time alone.

While sitting in the room, he can’t get his mind off you. Maybe this was a bad idea after all, he thinks to himself. It’s pretty clear that you didn’t care as much about him as he did for you. Right? It’s not like you don’t know how annoyed he already is at Pierre. He can’t even think about a reason why you went to Pierre after what happened. You should have been coming to him. He sighs once again. This is hopeless. Maybe it’s just better to call it quits? He thinks of the last days. You told him you’d visit his hotel room sometime, it’s been two days that the two of you are here already and you didn’t visit him once. But on the other hand, you did text him a lot and if you had a moment without Charles you were the first one to ask him to FaceTime. He doesn’t know what to do. It’s clear to him he cares about you, but he can’t help himself getting worried if the feelings are mutual.

“Just ask him if he wants to see me.”

Lando hears someone talking close to his door.

“If he doesn’t want to see me I will go away.”

Could it be you? He tries throwing away his thought. It can’t be you right? You probably won’t take a risk like this just to see him. His thoughts are making him crazy. Is it too much to ask for a bit of peace. If he keeps thinking like this all day long he can forget focussing on the race tomorrow.

“Please?”

It can’t be you, Lando keeps telling himself. It’s probably some crazy fan that has come into the pit box. It won’t be the first time something like that happened. But then Lando hears someone knocking on his door. He stands up. He’s already getting his hopes up, although he knows it bad to do so. He will only get disappointed. One of the mechanics is standing in front of him, “There’s someone here for you, but I don’t know if you want to see her?”

“Who’s it?”

Lando tries to look past the mechanic, but the guy blocks the door so he can’t see much.

“I believe she’s Leclerc’s sister?”

A smile is forming on Lando his face. He forgets about all his worries for a while. He just nods at the guy in front of him, who then quickly takes a step back. You’re standing right before him now. He can’t help himself but smiles at you. Now that he thinks about it, he can’t even stop smiling. You do care about him. You took a huge risk to see him. You’re in the zone of his team instead of being at Ferrari.

You walk up to Lando, putting you arms quickly around him. Finally touching him after being away from him for a few days. Lando lifts you up. He pulls you even closer to him. Smiling from ear to ear.

“You have a lot of explaining to do mate,” the mechanic tells Lando, “or isn’t she the sister of Charles?”

“Yeah, yeah she is. Will talk to you later,” Lando takes you inside his dressing room and quickly closes the door. Leaving the confused mechanic behind. He knows everyone in his team will be talking about this for the rest of the weekend now. But he doesn’t mind. If he’s honest, he hopes the word spread to everyone that you came here for him. Let everyone hear all about it, certainly Pierre.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Lando tells you softly, not looking away from you for a second.

“Believe me if it was up to me I would have been here a lot sooner,” you tell Lando, you feel the need to explain about why you were with Pierre. You don’t want Lando to think something else happened. “I was already walking towards you when you were walking to the pit box, directly after the crash. Did you see me? Before I could reach you Pierre saw me. I didn’t even notice him, but he pulled me into a hug and kept talking. I made up some kind of excuse, but it was a lot of trouble to leave. I wanted to be here directly after the crash. I tried to get eye contact with you when you walked passed us, don’t know if you would have gotten my message if you looked..”

Lando listens to your rant. At one point he has heard enough. He presses his lips against yours, silencing you while doing so.

You are surprised by the sudden move of Lando. You were afraid he would be mad at you. Quickly you kiss him back. His hands have found their way around your waist once again, pulling you extremely close to him. You play a bit with his hair during the kiss. The both of you missed this feeling. You don’t want this feeling to end. But after a while Lando pulls back. There are still many questions flying through is mind. He wants to know about your strange behavior.

“Why didn’t you visit me earlier?” Lando asks you, “You said you’d.”

“I share my hotel room with Charles, he’s being so stressed that he doesn’t sleep before midnight. So it’s weird for me to stay up for so long and I don’t want to fuck up your sleep,” you explain quickly, “I hope that Charles falls asleep early tonight, normally he tries to get around 10 hours sleep before race day.”

Lando smiles at you, “I can’t believe you are in my dressing room. What if someone saw you?”

“Maybe they even broadcasted it on live tv,” you tell Lando. He notices you don’t seem to mind it much.

“What if Charles sees? Or hears? I’m pretty sure the mechanics will talk about this with everyone,” Lando tells you.

“I told him I’m seeing someone,” you tell Lando, “and I also told him that I will tell him more after this weekend. I’m not hiding you forever. He even saw the necklace.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me he was glad that someone is treating me right,” you tell Lando with a small smile.

Lando smiles back at you, “I hope I can talk things out with him tomorrow.”

“I think he’s the one who needs to talk things out with you, not the other way around. I still don’t get it you’re not mad at him,” you say, “I would have been pretty angry if someone did all that to me.”

“Fucking you in his apartment was a really good step for getting over it,” Lando says, he laughs after his own words. You join him.

Charles: where are you? I thought you were watching at Ferrari

“Oh he’s texting me,” you tell Lando, “I think this is my sign to go back.” Lando nods at your words, “I will walk you out.”

Y/N: coming, was walking around for a bit

Charles: okay, I’ll wait by the pit box

Lando presses a soft kiss against your forehead before opening the door of his dressing room. He walks with you towards the entrance. You notice the stares the both of you are getting. You can’t help yourself to send out a smile to the McLaren team before you hug Lando.

“Good luck with the qualifications, I hope you can participate normally,” you tell him.

“We’ll see. Come see me later?”

“I’ll try.”

You press a kiss against Lando his cheek and walk out of the pit box, quickly going back to your brother. You leave Lando behind his team members, who each have their own thoughts and questions about you being with him.

“So what was that about?” One of the mechanics asks Lando. His coworkers quickly join him in asking questions about you. “Are you dating her?” “Isn’t she the sister of Charles?” “Are you doing this to play mind games with him?” “Are you in love with her?” The questions go one and one. At one point Lando decides he needs to say something.

“Fix my car before qualifying and I’ll be answer all your questions,” he tells the mechanics, “but yes, she’s his little sister and I’m seeing her. He doesn’t know yet.”

A few team members laugh at his words. Another pair applauses him.

“Is it serious?” Someone asks Lando.

“I’d like to think so,” he answers before getting back to his dressing room.

“You’re not dating Pierre right?”

Charles and you are spending some time together while waiting for the qualifications to start. You look up at him, confused about his stupid question.

“Everyone around here told me that you left directly after the crash he had,” Charles explains his self after seeing your confused look.

“I’m not dating him,” you tell Charles, “I’m pretty disgusted by him to be fair. I just wanted to walk around for a bit and he kept buggering me.”

“I do think you’re dating someone from around the paddock. A driver even,” Charles continues. It’s a fun game for him to guess who you’re dating. While for you it’s giving you a lot of stress.

“Why a driver?”

“That necklace is pretty expensive,” Charles tells you, “so if it’s someone about the paddock who’s around your age, it can only be a driver.”

“What do you mean with pretty expensive?” You ask Charles, how much money did Lando spend on you?

“Ask that the person you’re dating, I’m not spilling his secrets,” Charles says with a laugh. You sigh. He doesn’t even know yet and he’s already taking Lando his side.

“So since it’s a driver, who can it be? Not me, not Pierre and not everyone with a relationship. So we have Yuki, Mick, Esteban, Lewis, Zhou, Lance and Lando,” Charles guesses further. You sigh.

“Don’t you need to get in to the car?” You ask your brother, getting a bit annoyed.

“Come on Y/N, just tell me,” Charles says. He smiles at you. You really don’t know what to do now. You do want to tell Charles, but it’s a bad timing to do so before qualifying if he gets mad. And he will probably get mad.

“You know what, I will find out after the race,” Charles tells you after seeing you doubt, “but I’m not stopping guessing. Wanna know who my number one guess is?”

You just nod.

“I think you might have a thing for a certain brunette driver,” Charles tells you.

“That’s like half of them Charles,” you sigh.

“I know, I can tell you the name I’m thinking of but what’s the fun of that.”

You sigh again. You don’t know anyone who’s as annoying as Charles.

The big screen in front of you is making you anxious. The qualifications are giving you all kinds of nerves. To your surprise McLaren fixed Lando’s car, or at least they did enough to let him participate in the qualifications. It’s unknown to you (and Lando) if everything is working correctly. It worked enough to get him to Q2 with a top 5 time, so you hope that’s a good sign. Q2 is almost over, your brother and Lando are both in the top. You don’t have to worry about them this round, but you can’t help yourself to still do. Maybe it’s because of Pierre. He has made it out of Q2 as well, meaning he’s racing with the last ten. You can’t seem to forget about what danger he caused in the last practice.

Q3 is starting. You notice that Charles is leaving the pits direct at the start. Lando is doing the same thing. You can already imagine the commentary on this. Charles is getting his first purple sector, Lando quickly taking it away from him. Their lap times are closer than ever. You don’t know for who you’re rooting. Do you want Charles to take pole position? He’s your brother after all. Maybe he doesn’t think so anymore, but he still deserves the championship title. He has fought hard for it. But on the other hand, you can’t help yourself to smile when Lando takes away the second purple sector from your brother as well. With the way Lando has been driving the last races, he certainly deserves the titles as well. You don’t want to chose a favorite. You just hope the two of them can talk everything out after the race tomorrow. No matter who wins, you will stick by both of their sides.

“How is Norris this quick?” One of the mechanics asks when Lando sets the pole position lap. He’s two hundreds of a second faster than Charles. You hear how Charles his car is getting other tires, seeing on the screen that they do the same at the McLaren pit box with Lando his tires. Charles is getting an old pair of softs, while Lando has a new pair left. If it’s up to the tires, maybe Lando will keep his pole position?

Both of them are doing their out lap. Charles is in a bit of advantage, the traffic is mainly behind him. Lando’s getting right behind Pierre on the other hand. Pierre is not letting him past. You sigh.

“Can someone tell Gasly to fuck off,” you hear Lando mutter over his board radio, “he’s in the way.”

After the board radio Lando finds a way to get past Pierre. Quickly focussing on his out lap again. Charles is already driving through the first sector, trying to get the purple sector times. He succeeds in the first sector. Only bettering Lando his time with a few tenths. Lando is also starting his fast lap. Before you know it he has his first fastest sector back. Charles beats his time in the second sector, Lando can’t keep up with him in the sector. Leaving it all to the last sector.

In the mean time some other drivers also got great lap times. Leaving your brother on the eight place for now and Lando on the seventh. But it’s pretty clear they will end as number one and two. Your brother crosses the finish line, taking pole position. Now it’s up to Lando. Will he be better in the last sector?

“Fuck!”

Lando’s scream off frustration is loud and clear. You can’t hold in a curse word as well. Muttering so soft that hopefully no one will hear. You doubt anyone heard you, everyone is celebrating Charles’s pole position.

“This is all because of him,” you hear Lando scoff. You can only imagine how mad he is. His car gave up on him in the final seconds. It’s not hard to blame Pierre for damaging it. You sigh. This means Lando will start seventh tomorrow. Hopefully the car doesn’t need major updates, otherwise he will also be dealing with grid penalties.

Everyone around you is cheering when your brother walks in the pit box. You want to cheer with them, but you can’t find yourself to do so. Charles deserves the pole position, but at this moment you only feel sad for Lando. He deserved the pole position as well. You try to ignore those feelings while walking over to Charles. He hugs you.

“You did a great job,” you tell Charles, you mean the words you’re telling him but your voice tone doesn’t match your words. “You deserve it,” you go on, trying to sound more happy for your brother. Charles doesn’t seem to notice, he looks happily at you. When he sees your face his own smile fades a bit. He looks at you with a soft expression.

“Go to him,” Charles tells you, “I think he needs you harder right now than I do.”

You don’t understand Charles words. He can’t know you’re thinking about Lando, or can he? So far you know, Charles still doesn’t know anything about you and Lando. Did something change? Even if he knows about it, why would he tell you to go to him?

“What do you mean?” You ask Charles.

He smiles at you. “I might be a bit slow sometimes, but I get it now. We’ll talk about it later. I’m going to celebrate this and you’re going to comfort him.”

“Thank you Charles,” you thank your brother.

“Pierre’s ego must be hurting with this tenth place, he did so well last qualifications,” Charles says.

You look confused at him. Why is he talking about Pierre again? Does he actually thinks you're seeing Pierre? You really thought he knew about Lando. Oh for fucks sake, Charles can’t be this blind right?

“Pierre?” You ask your brother confused, “I’m not seeing Pierre.”

He laughs at you. His laughs fill the room. You look even more confused at your brother. This is all a big mystery to you. Does he think you’re dating Pierre? Is he making a joke? Does he know about Lando or not? This is way too confusing.

“Just kidding,” Charles tells you still laughing at himself, “I know it’s not Pierre.”

“Do you know who it is?” You ask Charles.

He nods, “Yeah I figured it out a while ago. I saw his McLaren when I brought you to your friend, then I remembered that the same McLaren was standing outside my apartment. And your strange behavior started to make sense. You’re not great at hiding.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“Y/N I really think you need to go to Lando instead of asking stupid questions,” Charles tells you, “He’s probably already exploding, go calm him down a bit.”

You nod at him, grabbing your bag before leaving towards to McLaren motorhome. You look at Charles and smile at him. Multiple feelings are going through you, but you feel good. You’re grateful for your brother. You did expect that it wasn’t going to get really bad when he found out, but you did not expect it to go like this. You’re really grateful.

“Of course I’m okay with it,” Charles quickly yells when you walk away from him, “As long as you’re happy right?” You look back at him, waving him goodbye and smiling. You quickly walk towards the McLaren motorhome, hoping you will find Lando over there.

Lando wasn’t at his motorhome anymore. A kind team member told you Lando had already go back to the hotel. So that was where you were as well. You had knocked at his room door, hoping he would let you in. You even yelled through the door that it was you, asking if you could talk to him. You heard nothing. Maybe he was somewhere else?

You take a sip off your drink. After not finding Lando you went to the hotel bar. You look at your phone, you already send a few messages to Lando. Asking him where he is, if you can see him and more. It’s kind of desperate now that you think about it. But you want nothing more than to see him.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you hear Pierre talking to you. Where the fuck did he come from? Why wasn’t he with your brother, celebrating the pole position? Pierre takes a seat next to you. You ignore him at first.

Y/N: im at the hotel bar if you want to see me

You put back your phone in your bag. How many texts did you send Lando already? He probably doesn’t want to see you. Maybe you’re annoying him even more now with all those messages.

Pierre asks you another question, you answer him a bit annoyed. He keeps the conversation going. Telling you about his one qualifications. In the mean time you order another drink. You can use some distraction from this terrible idea.

In the mean time Lando is back at the motorhome from McLaren. He can’t believe he forgot his phone over there. He thought he could be alone for a while in his hotel room, but when he wanted to text you he found out his phone wasn’t with him. He’s annoyed at himself. He’s even more annoyed that he’s already doing this much for a bit of contact with you. He wants nothing more than being alone, thinking about the awful qualifications and how he needs to step up his game even more to make a chance tomorrow. But instead of being at his hotel room, he’s getting his phone back because he wants to know if you texted him. It’s desperate according to himself.

It starts to annoy him that he’s this desperate for your attention. He wonders if you have the same problem.

“Oh Lando, I need to tell you something.”

A team member walks up to him. Lando sighs softly, he’s not in the mood for more bad news about his car. Because, what else can it be?

“What is it?” Lando tries to suppress his annoyed tone.

“Your girl was here before. She asked where you were, so I told her you were already back at the hotel.”

“Wait, serious?” Lando asks. His team member nods. Lando starts to grin. His bad mood is quickly leaving his body. “That’s great,” Lando says, “I’m just here to grab my phone, then I will go back to the hotel.”

“Want to hear about your car as well?”

“Good or bad news?” Lando asks.

“I think it’ll be alright. We have found the problem. I can’t make any promises, but I think you can start without losing more places tomorrow.”

Lando’s bad day just got a lot better. He grabs his phone and starts heading back to the hotel. He reads the notification from your last message. He already knows where he’s going.

At the hotel bar, Pierre is still sitting next to you and talking to you. You are getting more annoyed with the minute. Why can’t this boy ever shut up? You just wanted to drink some cocktails to relax. He’s ruining everything. You scroll through your phone again, still no response from Lando. Is he mad at you? Maybe he thinks everything is your fault? If he wasn’t close with you, Pierre probably didn’t cause the accident in the last free practice. Maybe it is all your fault.

Pierre throws an arm around your shoulder, “Want a new drink?” He asks you.

It’s exactly at that moment that Lando walks in. He notices you directly. You seem sad. He notices Pierre sitting next to you. He feels himself getting mad already. Why can’t that boy leave you alone? He sees that you barely respond to Pierre. When he thinks he can’t get more annoyed at Pierre, he sees that Pierre is putting an arm around your shoulders. That’s the moment Lando loses it. He walks over to the two of you.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” he groans towards Pierre.

You’re glad Lando is standing in front of you. He did chose the right moment to show up. You hope he will get you away from Pierre. You feel Pierre his grip on you tighten. Lando gets closer to you, he takes your hand and pulls you softly away from Pierre. Quickly putting his own arm around your waist.

“What’s this Y/N?” Pierre asks, he seems confused.

“Don’t talk to her.”

Lando is letting all his feelings out now after bottling them up for so long. He’s more than annoyed at Pierre. The boy is making him mad. First the flirting at the restaurant, the rumors he wanted to start about you, the not so accidental crash during the free practice, the bothering you when you wanted to walk to the McLaren pit box, his car failing him because of the crash and now making you feel uncomfortable once again. It’s done.

“I think she can talk for herself,” Pierre says, “and I think she’s coming with me instead of you. I mean we don’t want Charles to find out, right?”

Lando doesn’t know what to do. If it’s up to him he wants nothing more than to leave Pierre standing here alone. Taking you back to his room with him. But, he doesn’t know what you want. He doesn’t want to give Pierre a reason to expose everything to Charles.

“Go fuck yourself Pierre,” you mutter angrily, you take Lando his hand. “Let’s go Lan.”

“But what about Charles?” Lando asks you. It can’t be your idea that Charles finds out right before the race? It was the plan to tell Charles after the last race. Do you want to take a risk this big? Lando can’t wrap his mind around the way you’re thinking.

You look back, seeing Pierre is back far enough to not hear anything. “He knows,” you tell Lando.

“He knows?” Lando asks you confused. You nod.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Lando tells you with a smile, “But first I want to show you how much I’ve missed you.” The two of you walk towards his hotel room.

“Show me I’m yours.”

“You’ll be the end of me Y/N.”

“Show me,” you whisper before he opens the hotel room.

we all know what's going to happen next part ;) how do y'all want to end this? who's getting the world championship?

part six

#lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris imagines #lando norris #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris x y/n #ln #ln4 #formula one #formula 1 #f1 imagine #f1 fic

374 notes · View notes

psystirene · 8 months

Text

for all intents and purposes this post is /neu, but I never understood the reasoning that slugshipping was weird because they're animals

(Doing a read more cause it's a bit longer than I expected it to be)

I'm not going to argue that slugcats aren't animals, bc they are, but it's weird to me to imply that animals can't form bonds that humans wld qualify as romantic? We don't know how animals feel about one another but they can definitely sustain positive and negative relationships, animals will care for and recognize each other, both in their own and other species.

Slugcats are also closer to sapient than a lot of animals who already exhibit these traits are. They're clearly social animals, they live in colonies, they are able to draw, they are smart enough to receive the Mark of Communication and understand iterators to an extent, they are also fully able to learn and use language w/o it, they can use tools... They are actually a lot closer to early humans then just slugs or cats in terms of intelligence.

It's really not far-fetched for these animals to care for each other, to raise young as families and to have preferred companions. Maybe the feeling would not be romantic love as we humans define it. But does that really matter?

Idk if anyone has any thoughts on this, you're free to talk to me about it cause I am interested in hearing ppl out, but the logic just doesn't track to me, I guess. I understand not liking slugshipping bc it bends canon a lot, or just not seeing an interest in it, but I've seen people say it's straight up weird/bad because the slugcats are animals and I'm just. I don't get it I guess

#people will make posts talking about how their cats are in love #and people find it cute generally #idk if ppl just view shipping in a way it's not #because to me slugshipping isn't that far off from that #depending on how much you anthropomorphize your slugs #(i mostly mean mentally)#rambles #rw shipping #rain world

24 notes · View notes

abigail-pent · 2 years

Text

About G--'s Arm

This is very weird. I still do not understand why John took off his arm. Someone in the comments of a previous post suggested it was so he could use it to resuscitate G-- later, but there's something still suspicious about this, because it requires John to be able to grow a whole new body from a piece that does not even have a brain. And we've been hearing this whole time -- lots of times in HTN and I think also in one of the earlier John chapters in NTN -- that John cannot regrow limbs. So how can he regrow a whole body from an arm?

And on top of that: in the sequence where he takes G--'s arm *off*, he GROWS HIM A NEW ARM:

"He said, He didn't feel any pain, and I grew him a new one then and there. Bit of a gamble, but I was sure I could do that by then. I wanted his arm . . . his material. He didn't even ask me to explain. . . . Should still be around here. The arm, I mean. I stuffed it in the morgue so nobody would find it. I've got plans for that arm." (NTN p. 399)

So at this point, pre-Resurrection, John absolutely does know how to regrow limbs; and if the commenter on my previous post was right and the 'plan for G--'s arm' was to regrow Gideon, then John knew he would keep that power post-Resurrection. But that also doesn't quite make sense, because even though at this moment John says he had a bad feeling, he doesn't know about the soul yet, and so even though he's aware that nuclear armageddon is likely, it can't be within the scope of his plans to understand that there's going to be an 'after' the nuclear armageddon. He doesn't yet know he could ensoul a new G--, even if he could create him a new body.

And then post-Resurrection, a myriad later, who can regrow limbs? Not Lyctors, except for Gideon-in-Harrow. John says he can't, but this is maybe a lie -- I think a fair amount of his lies exist to cover his culpability in the death of Earth and the fact that he has achieved perfect Lyctorhood/Grand Lysis whereas he let the others kill their loved ones to achieve only imperfect Lyctorhood/Petty Lysis. (And his culpability in setting Gideon to kill Harrow in HTN.) It's simple to say 'oh, he lies about everything' but I just don't think it's true; I think he lies for strategic reasons, and those strategic reasons are so fundamental to the world that he just ends up lying a lot. If this is true -- what strategic purpose would it serve for him to lie about being able to regrow limbs? It would show that he's different from the other Lyctors, but he wants the other Lyctors to think he's different, and they already think he's different. So did he lose this power, or what? And what does it mean that Gideon can regrow Harrow's thumbs? Does that come down to the fact that thumbs don't qualify as a limb in terms of the nervous system (as I think @dr-dendritic-trees pointed out)? Or does this point to Alecto as the source of the regrowing ability, and something about Harrow achieving perfect Lyctorhood -- or maybe just Harrow losing her thumbs -- triggers these powers from Alecto lying dormant inside her? Powers which John cannot access because of putting Alecto to sleep, or because of Alecto's pact with Anastasia?

If Alecto is the source of the regrowing ability, we actually get into some interesting themes. It points to a sort of cosmic duality: Alecto as source of life, and John as source of death, compartmentalized in a way that they should not be; a highly unnatural compartmentalization. They ought to be intertwined -- two sides of the same coin -- and intertwining is exactly what John did with their souls at the time of the Resurrection; but he tried to separate them when he put Alecto to bed. And they can't be separated, because when death is conquered, what meaning does life have? When you can't die, when you live ten thousand years... we see what that does to Mercy and what it does to Augustine. It's unnatural. You lose yourself. Death and life have to be together to have meaning.

#ntn spoilers #nona the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #nona spoilers #ntn theories #tlt meta #tlt #emperor john gaius #gideon the first

128 notes · View notes

giraffefeather · 2 months

Text

Thoughts on maladaptive daydreaming. Read more for easy skip. 😊

I watched a video on reality shifting (where you experience a time in a reality of your choice - be it one you are an actress or on you go to Hogwarts) by Strange Aeons. Kudos to her for being respectful while also having an opinion! But one big point brought up was where does reality shifting start and maladaptive daydreaming begin?

And I realized that I check quite a few boxes in maladaptive daydreaming (MADD from now on because jesus christ that's too much to keep typing). As a child/teen, I absolutely had my own little reality I would escape to.

In it, I was part of a spy crew that could turn into one animal each, the animal picked based on your personality, and we all had nicknames after that animal. I was Wolf (hi, yes, I was absolutely a wolf girl and this was just an extra level). My crew included Lab (Cody), Fox (Cassie), Eagle (Derek), Bug (Logan), and Panther (Toby). Bug and Eagle were the tech guys, based in a secret safe house directing us to our next mission. Fox, Lab, and I were the boots on the ground people. Sometimes we battled various bad guys. Sometimes (on car rides), we directed a system that chopped down telephone poles and helped spread tree seeds. Instead of a creature running beside the car, I had a friendly robot system that I talked to, and a mission to save the planet. In class, I would type secret messages to my team, and give and receive directives. Every moment I did not have enough real-world stimuli, I was half in that world.

Now, I have to wonder if all that qualifies as MADD, or just regular imagination. Or the secret third option - undiagnosed ADHD child lacking the stimulus she needed.

The quick paraphrased definition of MADD I found is that it's a behavior of excessive daydreaming, usually a coping mechanism, that may disrupt work, hobbies, and/or relationships. Working with that definition, there's a few more boxes to check.

Was it excessive? Yes. Absolutely. While I never had the obsessive bug with this one, it was a constant in my mind. It was always there if I had a moment of boredom, ready to come to the front of my mind.

Was it a coping mechanism? ...sort of? It didn't help me with any real world problems. I was fortunate enough to be a fairly happy child. I had a manageable amount of anxiety. I had close friends just as weird as me, and more close friends that appeared perfectly neurotypical (my brain wants me to rant on this neurodivergent vs neurotypical next, let's skip it for now). My family was loving, if a bit strict, and home was a safe place. I was overall accepted by my peers (despite the teenage urge to divide the alts and the preps, I was accepted by both). I have no trauma, to the point that i can't even try to fake it. But my biggest problem was boredom. In a time before portable video players and smart phones, I was constantly trying to avoid boredom by multitasking. Homework was filled with doodles. Drawings either had a TV in front of them or in an depth story behind them. When I had a DS, it was constantly within reach, and my Animal Crossing world thrived while I had full conversations with family. Car rides and school, with only one focus (that often felt like none), were unbearable unless I slipped inside my fantasy world. That was the only thing I needed to cope with: boredom.

Did it disrupt work, hobbies, or relationships? No. Not at all. My "work" was school at the time, and I was a straight A student despite being half in my false world half the time. My hobbies were drawing, writing, and cross country. The first two i could focus on if the motivation was right. Cross country is, arguably, a very boring sport; running for a fantasy purpose just enhanced the experience. (Hell, my friends and I used to sing a capella during practices to pass the time). My family and friends knew nothing of where my mind wandered. It wasn't a secret or anything, the conversation of what fantasy is playing in your head just never came up, so I never thought to share. I guess if I would have actually thought about it, I would have assumed everyone had their own world they went to when bored.

So... was it MADD? I... don't know. Maybe? If so, by a technicality? I didn't use it to escape a horrible life. Maybe I would have, if I needed to. But it was just something to do. I wasn't delusional, always knew it wasn't real. But it was fun, like a game of pretend with myself.

But I think, to some extent, I still do it. I will always love my fantasy shapeshifter crew. And sometimes, I still catch myself chopping down poles and collecting tree seeds on long car rides. But for the most part, I left that world behind. Now, I only daydream at night.

Perhaps that's due to access to constant stimulus. I work from home, and always have music, podcasts, or youtube on in the background. There's no room, no need for daydreaming. I have headphones in when I walk, the radio on when I drive. I watch tv and browse tumblr at the same time. I have so much I can do at any moment of the day.

But night? I need to occupy myself while I fall asleep. And I pick a scenario to daydream about. I put myself into a fantasy world, usually a fandom but not always, and play out a scene until I fall asleep. Often, I'm in the same world for weeks at a time. Currently, I'm in a crossover with Captain Jack Harkness in the Dragon Age Inquitision storyline, and you bet your ass I'm working on my Blackwall romance! (Tmi, but we're still early on in the campaign, and Jack hasn't found anyone to successfully flirt with, which is driving him insane! But soon we'll meet Dorian and Iron Bull, and I think things will start to look up for Captain Jack). I literally cannot fall asleep without my little stories now.

Is that maladaptive? Have I trained myself to only sleep if I'm in that world? Eh, who cares. It works and it's not hard to do.

So I guess the biggest question left to answer is that of MADD vs... whatever neurodivergency I may or may not have (again, lucky enough to have made it through childhood happy and successful, so never sought diagnosis of anything). If anyone dared to read the ramblings above, please weigh in with your own experiences!

#maladaptive daydreaming #???#please forgive the tag #i have done research #but have no firsthand accounts #if you're in a place to educate... i am willing to learn #rant #long post #read more

6 notes · View notes

snarky-synesthete · 5 months

Note

Hi, I read in one of your posts that you "almost have a masters degree in motivating the unwilling" and I just wanna say please. Halp. I'm ruining my life by being the way I am and I can't stop. Everybody talks about my "immense potential" and how it's "such a waste of intelligence" for me to be the way that I am. I'm honestly drowning.

Oh wow. If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me that, I'd be able to afford a life coach for my ownself, lol. I have a pretty significant little alphabet soup of disorders to my name, but I didn't get diagnosed with any of them until my early 30s. What that means is that I had to find ways to compensate for my shitshow of a brain, so I have a lot of tips and tricks. I'm currently working on my doctorate as well, so I'm doing lots of research around mental heath, focusing on teen mental health since I work with teens every day.

First off, you're not ruining your life. You're just living it. Your life isn't something that needs to be put through the wash and purified. It is what it is, and you are who you are. The fact that you're here and breathing and *wanting* to improve are already wonderful things. You're doing okay. ^_^

Next, think about what you want your life to look like. This is a good journalling prompt. There's no wrong way to do this. You can get really specific, right down to the new furniture you'd like to fill your space with; you can have just big picture stuff: "I want to survive high school" or "I want to wake up looking forward to the day." Try to think in positive terms rather than negative. I don't mean "I want to feel happy!" necessarily: but think of things with positive *action*: instead of "I don't want to feel miserable," which is a negative, something you want to subtract from your life, think of a positive: "I want to feel better," "I want to re-connect with an old hobby," "I want to start a diary," things like that. It's easier, sometimes, for our weird monkey brains, if we start off *adding* something new instead of *stopping* something old...even if the "something old" is part of what makes us miserable.

For example, a lot of people want to stop smoking. Quitting cold-turkey is possible, sure, but it's a god-awful experience. Instead of thinking of it as "subtracting" smoking, a better approach would be to ADD something new that can slowly start taking its place. An example in this scenario would be to add in another oral treat you enjoy (I see your mind in the gutter, hello, nice place!) that can take the place of just one smoke a day. A really nice chocolate truffle, or some spicy crunchy chips, or a fancy lollipop. That way, your brain isn't necessarily feeling a *deprivation* or the lack of something it has come to expect, but you're still lowering your daily nicotine consumption.

So that might be the easiest way to start. Look at any habits you might have that don't make you feel good, or that you don't want to carry with you into your future. I don't want to call them "bad habits" because that implies a judgment call, which I am NOT qualified to make about your lived experiences. Obviously, that habit served its purpose for you at some point! But if it's no longer serving you, try to slowly replace it with something that does. Think of it as a shift rather than a removal, and your brain will tolerate the change more easily.

If you wanna get more specific, feel free to DM me, @justanexistentialcrisisnbd ^_^

#positivity #positive suggestions #changing habits #breaking habits #personal growth #growth

11 notes · View notes

sigmaleph · 2 years

Text

random.org is a useful website for various, well, randomisation purposes, but their thing about 'true randomness' is a little weird

most of the time when computers need a random number they use a pseudo-random number generator, the output of which is as the name implies not 'actually' random (you can reproduce the same result if you use the same initial conditions). If you're drawing a handful of numbers this basically can't be a problem; the short-term behaviour of any remotely decent PRNG is going to look pretty random. If you're doing something security-critical or doing complicated scientific modelling where you need to draw lots and lots of numbers this can be a problem, if you're using a shitty algorithm or using a good one improperly, don't take advice from me in that scenario.

Anyway. random.org does not use a PRNG; they use atmospheric noise as a source of 'true randomness'. I am not really qualified to evaluate the statistical properties of atmospheric noise or whatever; I'm assuming it's good enough and if it isn't someone who knows better should say so. But what it is is more expensive to get; not very, but you can get a lot more random numbers out of a PRNG running on your own machine than from a single website serving random bits to whoever asks. if you're using their API, the free tier has a 1000 requests per day limit and their 'commercial (non-gambling)' tier is 12 USD a month for 60000 requests.

that's not a lot per request ofc, but like imagine if someone told you the way your computer multiplies numbers is bad and you need to buy premium multiplication from them over the internet. no matter how cheap per operation that is, you're going to want a good reason to think this premium multiplication is, y'know, better.

(i mean also probably your computer can't connect over the internet if it can't multiply numbers but never mind that).

Random.org summarises which kind of random number generator is in their opinion more appropriate for each situation in a handy table, which I am not going to copy because i have no idea how to make tumblr format things as tables. it suggests 'true' random number generators for the purposes of "Lotteries and Draws, Games and Gambling, Random Sampling (e.g., drug screening), and Security (e.g., generation of data encryption keys)", and PRNGs for Simulation and Modelling. The latter seems to be a concession to the fact that those require far too many random draws for their model to work well with.

so here's my issue: I am reasonably confident that for short draws PRNGs are good enough at 'being random'. If you use them badly (a shitty algorithm, or idk, set the seed in a predictable-to-outsiders way) in a security-critical application you will have Problems, but that's also true about everything in security. I have no idea if there's fewer risks from using a centralised source of true randomness for your cryptographic keys than a PRNG, maybe there is, not the point.

the point is everything else. If on short draws the problems of PRNGs are unlikely to occur, and on long draws the costs of paying someone else to do it for you get too big (as they implicitly admit), what exactly is the use case?

The API tiers for gambling purposes all offer a signed API, which:

The Signed API has all the functions of the Basic API and also lets you prove that your random values really came from RANDOM.ORG (authenticity) and that your application has not changed them (integrity). This is useful for many applications, such as a finance, auditing, games and lotteries.

this... kind of suggests that the actual valuable service random.org is offering in their APIs is not any useful statistical property of 'true randomness' but rather auditability; being able to prove to a third party that your random numbers were actually random and you didn't fudge them. I mean, maybe this is meant as a nice bonus and not the core service? but I'm suspicious.

(a note on quantum generators: for most purposes these are just 'true' randomness generators except, uh, truer; if there's anything actually truly random in the universe rather than simply unpredictably chaotic it's that. for the most part I don't think this matters much unless you're very suspicious that atmospheric noise et al are actually more predictable than we think right now? oh and if you believe in the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics using quantum dice would mean that you are guaranteeing there's a world where the diceroll went the other way, if that's a thing you want. or want to avoid, for that matter).

anyway yeah I'm suspicious of the alleged useful properties of 'true' randomness over PRNG for most applications and I'm eager to hear what I got wrong above.

34 notes · View notes

gaymer-hag-stan · 1 year

Text

Thoughts on the Semi Final 1 rehearsals roundup

youtube

1. Norway 🇳🇴 - I like the staging more than her national finals but I don't like the outfit, at all. I also think she looks so much prettier with her hair down and I also don't like her serious™ vibe as much. She looked so much happier and energetic in her national final. Her vocals are very much on point though and although it may feel like I'm going at her too hard, I still very much like Queen of Kings, I just feel like any momentum she has when she won her national final is slowly dying down.

2. Malta 🇲🇹 - I genuinely really like this song and I don't know why most of Europe seems to not?? They are really fun and energetic on stage and I feel like their staging is also very good so I hope they get a miracle qualification. This would be a sure qualifier if it was on semi 2, which is such a shame. I'm so mad I can't vote for this semi to attempt to save them 🤣

3. Serbia 🇷🇸 - Nothing more to add to my original critic. He's very much bringing it.

4. Latvia 🇱🇻 - I like that, I feel like they have a lot of energy for such a "static" song but it doesn't come off weird or out place. I don't think they'll make it but I still appreciate their efforts.

5. Portugal 🇵🇹 - Okay, I wasn't as convinced as some of y'all were about Mimicat. I like the song, it's an okay song, nothing groundbreaking, but I wasn't sold on her performances, either in Festival da Cançao (am I spelling this right?) or the preparties. Well now I am 😂 she really is shining on that stage. Definitely my biggest surprise and now I feel like she's definitely going through to the Final!

6. Ireland 🇮🇪 - I mean it's okay. I like the song and there is some effort being put on the staging but yeah I think Ireland is officially going for the longest streak of non qualifications, if they haven't already owned that shit lol. I do need to talk about that golden catsuit that's giving us a lot of bulge and chest and arms and ass. Why 😂 normally I wouldn't complain... If it was worn for a different performance. I don't see sexiness fitting in a song about unity and acceptance 🤣 I mean ok maybe he's not doing it on purpose, he just has a nice body but then maybe not wear an outfit so tight, I mean literally everybody was talking about his dick after the first pics and the snippet dropped the other day, he must have seen those comments 🤣

7. Croatia 🇭🇷 - Okay, they sound a lot better than previous performances and they look outrageous. That's it. They're definitely going through but I feel like they might tank a bit more than people expect in the final. Still, they know how to put on a damn show

8. Switzerland 🇨🇭 - I like the song and I think it'll pass but I can't help but feel it's taking up a spot in the finals (Malta'sspecifically) it's not a bad song obviously but it's not super exciting either. I do appreciate Switzerland staging their ballad better this year after last year's disaster! This is what I mean "taking up space" and I feel like Switzerland is about to do it again after taking Albania out of the final last year only to get ZERO televote points in the end. Although last year it was the juries' fault so if it happens again this year then it will be your fault 🤣

9. Israel 🇮🇱 - I feel like Noa might end up doing even better than expected in the final. She is of course definitely qualifying. There's way too much kicking in the dance break so at first glance it looks a bit overdone but the more I think about it, if she's supposed to be a unicorn then Kung Fu horse-kicking kind of fits 🤣 overall, I'm not sure if this will be a Chanel level dance break, but she manages to "fix" her song's worst part. The song itself is extremely weak, both music and lyrics-wise, but she makes it work. She's easily the most gorgeous contestant this year, along with Brunette but she's not just a pretty face, she has charisma and stage presence and, unlike Alessandra, I actually enjoy her looking angry and fierce on stage, it somehow works better. The Unicorn hand sign is still cringe cringe though, this is the one part of her choreography that looks juvenile so far.

10. Moldova 🇲🇩 - Pasha knows how to work a stage alright! And they've done a great staging overall this year too. The costumes in particular are amazing. The pagan vibes are possibly even stronger than Fulenn's last year (I will never forget it's massacre!) but the staging, admittedly, looks a lot more cohesive, even with a lot more outrageous stuff going on on stage.

11. Sweden 🇸🇪 - Okaaay... I'm gonna say something I've been feeling ever since Melodifestivalen and have now confirmed with the new setup. Loreen's staging is goofy as fuck. She looks amazing herself, but the whole led sandwich thing is very goofy and now that it's smaller it looks even worse and her choreography of basically just flexing her nails north, south, east and west is... Goofy 🤣 I've seen a lot of people saying that the song itself is nothing special and that it only works thanks to the staging but tell me honestly, would that staging work if it wasn't Loreen? Would it get as much hype? Would it be projected to win the whole thing? I think not. She's obviously still gonna do well but, honestly, I'm not so sure about a win anymore.

12. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 - They look so wholesome so it's hard for me to say anything bad about them but this staging is so lazy. I hope they at least have fun performing.

13. Czechia 🇨🇿 - I've been through a whole JOURNEY with Czechia this year. When it was first announced at their finals I was like yeah no. But in the last few months of listening to the song I absolutely fell in love with it. Then I got a bit scared by their previous rehearsal previews because I felt like it looked too simplistic but the GIRLS HAVE BROUGHT ITT. Theirs was the most satisfying to watch out of my favourites' because they just reassured me that they're gonna slay.

14. Netherlands 🇳🇱 - No girlies this is boring. Sorry. I appreciate that they're also trying to make their ballad feel less static and more interesting on stage with the spinning platform and all, but I feel like their vocals are not that great. They sound a bit like that song wasn't tailored to their own vocal capabilities and now they're trying to play catch up with whoever was supposed to sing it. I also thought their solo camera angles were off? Like Dion's closeup is much further than Mia's who's literally right in front of the camera and not centered properly too like 😬 I really like their outfits though, Mia's in particular. A few bonus points for that, but I don't think they'll make it. If only one of the slow songs is going in then I think Remo Forrer has both them and Sudden Lights outmatched.

15. Finland 🇫🇮 - I mean yeah, that still looks great. The box, Käärijä's performance, even the dances, for those few seconds we saw them when they burst out of their box had those perfectly crazy expressions. Europe is gonna eat him up, and I don't think this is just internet hype, which happens very often; some acts are hyped to death online and then they flop because their apparent fans never bothered to vote. This is not the case here. He's a showman.

3 notes · View notes

red-dyed-sarumane · 1 year

Text

what the fuck is up with akire ocs. masterpost made way too quick while i need to sleep. i was going to add images but im tired feel free to look at the toyhouse pages tho

723 - behavioral issues. by choice. shes just like that.

aira - trapped in xeir own personal ever changing hell. like literally xi is stuck in a world that feeds off of & changes based on fears.

aisha - killed by her best friend.

alstroemeria - selectively mute until an injury made her permanently mute. often mistreated by people who think they know best bc she can't verbally argue with them

amari - she is willingly in such a fucked up relationship. constantly being framed by and the subject of bad rumors from her gf (fuyue)

amaryllis - no one listened to her or took her seriously so she ran away & when no one came to look for her realized no one really cared anyway! (isolation)

ash - was trapped in the same hell world as aira but made a deal to get out. her morals are destroyed from it & she tries to trap others in the world so she doesnt have to go back

cestria - idk what her deal is. shes just violent. hashtag influencer things i guess

cherry - u know what i dont think she has any. hm.

chime - no sense of self. theyre exclusively a mirror, intentional or not, of the people around them

chira - commits to the bit too much. will exploit people for views

cleo - refuses to get involved even when she can help. she only wants the scoop on drama

crian - currently, she beats herself up over not being able to help void before they ran away & thinks its partly her fault

daelryc - trust issues

dusk - naturally more violent than ur average person. also trapped against her will

feisha - family issues only fushia knows about. they wont talk about it to anyone else.

fjahva - his mom hates him. he gets kicked out if he tries to come back home. among other mistreatments

flora - trapped against her will & forced to participate in ethically questionable experiments

fushia - mild childhood bullying

fuyue - everything (no). malicious, petty thief, constantly lying for her own amusement, frames her gf for her crimes, blackmails, etc etc etc. why? shes bored

glacia - bully. manipulator. potential murderer but she hasnt stooped that low yet

greeml - theyre self conscious of their ears bc theyre pointy. thats like their worst problem. bc i love them

hanabi - social media poisoned mind. shes not an influencer she just needs to get offline

helix - playboy. self obsessed. used his own blessings on himself enough the other deities demoted him to demigod.

iono - despite neither of her parents being qualified to care for a kid she surprisingly doesnt have any serious problems

iraidis - carrying the weight of being rejected by several generations of people & erasure of proof of her existence

itsumi - shut in by choice & lost all her communication skills. very familiar with escapism

jade - idk i havent thought about it enough yet

keppi - also carrying the weight of generational rejection and erasure

kin - theres just so much wrong with her. she's taking herself down and the world with her. or just kinako. either works

kinako - straight up no will to live she endures whatever kin does to her. or doesnt. she dies a lot.

konome - orphan? lives in the woods with his sister & causes problems for people (""natural"" disasters)

kumo - god complex (they are not a god). the fact they arent dead is a miracle bc they are so stupid and bold and rash

kyeslu - weird girl. no one hates her per se but no one really gets along with her either.

lavender - also trapped in her own hell world

lilium - cave explorer. in the tundra. i think that counts.

linesus - (my sister :) ) well. shes dead. guess she had worm farming trauma too idk

lyra - bullied :(

lyrica - also in personal hell world

maien - shes just massively unlucky.

malshay - power complex (is that what its called??) needs to prove shes better than everyone.

manayo - causes problems on purpose. shes a fox demon she can do what she want tho

meimu - haha trauma of dying repeatedly while the worlds falling apart etc etc shes an aru sekai fan oc thats all i need to say

meision - idk i need to think about her more

meringue - got mad once (unfairly discharged from her job) and now shes a serial killer. hashtag girlboss or whatever

meshika - orphan? lives in the forest with her brother causing problems for people. has definitely killed people but good luck proving it

mkoom - victim of capitalism

nuria - disrespected & killed. now carries the stress of maintaining an entire world with her mind

oken - trauma (?) of turning into a cat against his will

paolo - would rather be a bird than a person

pomgara - distrusted & frustrated by it so shes rather sharp

refrichi - trauma of using her ability. not only accidentally killing people but also casual self harm so she can protect herself (she controls blood. if that makes it make more sense)

rhonda - unsuited to her home country & the problems that come with that. not necessarily stockholmed but she did fall in love with a serial killer

roselii - bad home life. she's overprotective bc of it

ryuusei - isolation of being in space only to come to earth & have to act like a celebrity

sarlina - blank spots in her life bc her ability consumes memories if shes not careful.

saturday - petty.

saturn - burden of maintaining balance in the world. emotionally isolated bc of it

scarlet - bully manipulator liar etc etc and all for her own gain. started bc she didnt want to get punished for bad grades & then she never stopped

sepheria - trust issues. emotional isolation bc shes from a different time period & no one will understand

sera - forced into a sort of celebrity type role he didnt want

seyla - idk what to say here she doesnt really cause problems & she doesnt really have any. mischievous at most

shaia - abandoned his duties as the weight of them was too much. somehow still a deity regardless

sometya - doesnt like people. scaredy cat. yet theyre always off exploring other worlds

sora - ability related trauma. naturally a kind hearted person but she's killed people & it haunts her

teila - tired of rejection she'll promise anything to get her way. ironically shes a shitty mom who rejected her son

tobio - trust issues & quick to argue.

towaka - accidentally got herself trapped in a video game & no longer has control over herself or a way to communicate

vanilla - fear of the unknown & stays in an area that frustrates her bc of it

viridia - victim of her own sister, verbally tormented, tricked into going places she shouldnt & losing important items bc of her only to come home and get told her sister wouldnt do that she should be more like her.

void - we've been over this. bullying into a mental breakdown into 8 years of physical and emotional isolation

wyndi - also carrying the weight of generations of rejection & erasure

xeli - victim of various poisoning attempts that dont work bc theyre immune

yuclenya - isekai'd into a world she knew nothing about, didnt speak the language, was cornered by people looking for a fight, only found out she had an ability when she used it out of fear & it thoroughly cut up her hands

#akire's ocs #i should pick up alter world stuff again. it would be cool if i could figure out how to execute it right #anyway we are going to ignore the implications of repeated themes & just go 'wow! characters!'#kind of sad the cats took over as ultimate partnership bc lyra & sepheria had an interesting relationship #bond with ur gf by taking her back in time to escape her bullies #i feel bad bc i have a lot of disconnected stories in the same world & people like to complain about others doing that #i guess its okay bc i only draw them once wvery 5 years anyway #if u want story specifics for anyone u can ask btw. since i never say much anywhere

3 notes · View notes

shortie-wonderland · 3 months

Text

Not the Greatest Experience

Many people hope and dream of living in a different country and getting paid to do so. You would think in one of the most prestigious programs that gives opportunities like this, I would be ecstatic... But here I am. Halfway across the world and longing for what had been back home. You might be thinking, "How ungrateful!" or, "You just haven't found your purpose yet." Perhaps both are true simultaneously. It's hard though, getting yourself out of a rut, mostly when this experience has simultaneously taken something very precious away from you in exchange for a worse situation in that respect.

There is so much I could complain about from transportation to frequent diseases, to weird-ass men to the unusually never-ending heat. However, I don't mean to sound so ungrateful. This is just my reality. Or perhaps it's my perspective of reality, and that's where the issue lies. Or maybe it's not even necessarily a perspective but my lived-in experience as I don't have control over how it's handed to me. If I get beaten down by bad experience after bad experience, it's no wonder my perspective might be tainted. It is such that these bad experiences are simply my lived-in experiences at the present moment.

I wonder so often if I'm making the most out of my time here or not. Volunteering at refuges give me such a rush in my soul, but at the same time, how much of an impact am I actually making? I want to help the education system improve even at university level (way beyond my level of expertise), but I don't know how to go about it since I am not qualified fully. Such is out of my control. So much of this experience is out of my control that I feel swept away into nothingness, into purposelessness. But I can't fully take control out of my hands either, now can I? Then how would I get anything done? I need to actively look for those opportunities within opportunities that will at least do something -- enough to make me feel like I at least tried.

The motivation comes and goes in waves when I get inspired by a friend or something I see on the internet, but then the depression hits, and I retreat once again into my cave for days at a time. Perhaps routine will help with this; I'll eat an orange every morning and do yoga and then will be in the right mindset to actively work towards some of these goals little by little. A little internet detox also hurt no one.

You know how people say it takes 21 days to start a habit? I think it's true since I don't think about him nearly as much as I did before. I still do, but it's become more neutral/logical/patient-driven. I realize time won't speed up just because I worry and heavily anticipate the future. There are things he needs to fix and things I do as well, separately. I'm still in love with him. But it's not my whole being as it was at one point -- a low point. I'm reverting to loving myself first and getting to know myself again through books and solitude. I wouldn't mind going on a date or two here, but when I tell you I can't trust a single man here, I MEAN IT! Not to sound like an "I hate men" feminist, but I have been wounded a share of times. And men around these outskirts lie all the time about having girlfriends or even WIVES! Can you believe it. Girls are for the win anways, even if I am a good deal intimidated by them.

I'm glad I can find this as an outlet. Having my first therapy session after years of not, I couldn't have been more unconvinced and dissatisfied by it. (This is rich coming from someone who just applied to a Psychology/Therapy program.) Life isn't meant to be known and no one knows you like yourself, so you really just need to do what you know that will make yourself feel better and get out of the rut.

All in all, I really do believe this isn't the place for me. However, the aggravating experience may be much needed for my growth and will honestly do me a lot of justice in the end. I just need to grit my teeth and step in the beating sun and just put some sunscreen on and call it a day.

This turned into more of a rant and less of a narrative than I was wanting, but oh well. I hope I continue to grow and get through these growing pains. I need to take it in stride and give myself grace <3 I just need to TRY.

Anways,

Bless,

#my post #words #me #life

0 notes

liopleurodean · 7 months

Text

Season 10, Episode 9: The Things We Left Behind

I can already tell the parallels are gonna be strong with this one

Oh. I know this episode.

...Dean?

I'm sorry. Transition center?

I like her already

Yikes

That can't be humane

Nice

I can't tell if she doesn't actually know how to throw a punch, or if she knows that's not productive

Claire Novak!

Looks like fun

Oh boy

Hi, Cas

Yeah, no kidding

This is gonna end so well

Yeah...

Poor Claire

Unfortunately not

By God, presumably

He wants to help you

Because he felt bad

That's a sucky thing to do

Something like that

This is why I hate the American childcare system

Anyone who says that is most certainly not living the dream

There's a lot that she needs

Cas.

This is great

It wouldn't go that quickly

The voice crack 😂

That's a long story

Exactly

Oh boy

That's actually a great way to put it

I'm sorry

Cas.

Actually, that works, because it sounds like a dad joke

Eh...

There's a whole lot more to it than that

Yeah, I figured

Yeah...

I love him. So very much. He's so ridiculous. Nobody laughs that hard at the 3 Stooges

Also the fact that, of all the things he could be watching/doing, he chose this

True

The beginning of the grilled cheese saga

Yes

Uh oh

...Cas?

The fun way!

Hello, Rowena

Like a dog

Yeah...

He won't believe you

Why would she do that?

And fries!

Thank Dean for that

Eh...

It's the truth

Free Will!

Aw.

But you shouldn't have to

He's got a point

She's gonna ditch

Yup, that was on purpose

Really, Cas?

This is great

Dang it, Claire

By, Claire

It definitely qualifies

Or a missing person?

Ouch

Come on, Dean

Let the Dad Mode™ kick in

In Dean's world

Something like that

That's fair

Claire is not one of them

But he can save Claire

I doubt that

Not great™

Hah! Liar

Yup

I'm not sure if he can

Oh, Dean...

Yikes

Better than silence

That's rough

She's his mother

Yeah...

Oh, Crowley

That's... that's really horrible

Is there a fun kind?

She has information

We know, Gerald

Dude.

That's interesting

This is suspicious

Awesome

Not really

Oh boy

That's not a crime

And here it is

I'm sorry, I just have to say--when I worked fast food, I could not WAIT to get my uniform off. There's no way I'd be having family dinner in a Weiner Hut costume

...what?

Oh boy

Cas.

Kinda hard to talk when you're choking

Claire, no...

Oh, thank goodness

And so it begins

She remembers

Yeah, well...

You won't do that

Claire...

She's... not exactly wrong

Oh, Claire...

Maybe

But he provides a home, and that confuses her

He's been there

Here we go

Battle of wills

I don't really believe that

That's arguably the funniest line in the entire series, I love Rowena

Not on purpose

Eh...

He's got a point

There's that 'blood' line again

I don't believe her

Yeah

But she's still got a point

Oh, Cas

Yeah, that's Chuck for you

Dean has... a complicated relationship with John

And Sam is having Thoughts™

Not a chance

That's not even remotely true. Don't gaslight yourself

Not as bad as the coasts

Weird

I forget that Metatron ruined Cas' pop culture experience :/

Oh, this'll be good

This is gonna be REALLY good

He got roofied

Oh please, you're predictable

That's because he's scary

That sounds about right

Yeah.

Oh, Dean

I guess...

Surprisingly

Yeah, that sounds like trouble

Uh oh

Claire. Don't do it

Wow

That's a lot

That's horrifying

Come on, man

Figures

Interesting

I'd believe it

That just proves it

Right

Yeah, figures

Hah! We know what that means

I need the soundtrack for this season

This won't end well

That's disgusting

Go Claire!

Hi, Cas

Rip that guy

Let her have this

Alright, time to go

Oh boy.

They will

Yeah, I know this scene.

You really don't

Dramatic slo-mo

Oh, Dean

Why did they bring her back inside?

Sam...

Oh, Dean...

#ashla chick flick moments #supernatural #season 10 episode 9 #the things we left behind

0 notes

tearlessrain · 3 years

Text

I want to get back to my increasingly masochistic hobby of liveblogging shit-tier movies in the middle of the night but I don’t know how I’m ever going to top Dracula: the Dark Prince in terms of sheer incomprehensible fuckery. like. the playmobile-looking thunderclap castle. the script that was very obviously a first draft and sometimes repeated an entire sentence twice in a scene or had the entirely wrong word in the middle of a sentence and the actors just rolled with it. the awkward random cuts to the ambient lesbians. the way all the actors’ facial expressions seem completely detached from what they’re saying. the “traditional hungarian” meal of a costco roast chicken and the kind of fruit platter soccer moms pick up on the way to a potluck. leonardo. how do I move forward.

#if anyone has recs send them my way #with the qualifier of it can't be weird and bad on purpose #the more seriously it takes itself the better #know what bonus points if it has a dude from black sails in it because that's how I found both dracula and scorpion king #bonus bonus points if the dude is zach mcgowan just because I don't get to look at zach mcgowan enough #like someone recced iron sky once and while it WAS a very weird and unpleasant experience #it was clearly doing it on purpose and was overall far too self aware for me to actually enjoy the misery #but if you give me something like eragon we're golden #honestly I should just round up as many jeremy irons movies as I can find the man has the worst taste #no not the worst that honor goes to david bowie #but I already watched all the worst david bowie movies while coping with my parent's divorce which I assure you made sense at the time #did you know he was in two different completely unrelated things called the hunger and both were super weird #just a gigolo was by far the most uncomfortable and weird to watch though #man who fell to earth was also weird and bad but you will see david bowie naked #in a monkey's paw kind of way where first you're going to see rip torn naked #and both scenes are actually quite miserable to watch #so's the rest of the movie but like congrats movie somehow you showed me naked david bowie and all I felt was surreal despair #do not recommend

8 notes · View notes

deep-hearts-core · 2 years

Text

2021 - Semifinal 2

originally posted 5/21/21

San Marino I can't believe they actually got Flo Rida. As a performance this is about what I expected from San Marino, Senhit's vocals are very different from in studio and I'm not totally sure they work well with the song, and the staging was... weird? But as a Sammarinese entry it's pretty good, and Flo Rida doesn't seem too incredibly out of place.

Estonia I still think the song is okay, but Uku's live vocals were eh and the camera work was really weird. The alternating really close shots and really wide shots just emphasized how empty the stage was. The staging started out looking cool but quickly got repetitive, and the combination of the lighting and the fog really washed him out.

Czechia Oh dear. Listen, I LOVE this one in studio, but it just never stops feeling awkward onstage. Benny is just so breathy and he never really settles into what he's doing, and also the sound mixing at the beginning was weird. I think the staging itself worked though, like the camera angles and the dance routines and stuff. And he sounded really good on the belting, I wish the arrangement had leaned into that a little more.

Greece This doesn't suck, and her vocals are actually better than I was expecting, but the green screen stuff doesn't quite click and the dance Stefania herself is doing feels a little lackluster. This gets points from me because I like the song and I think Stefania is pretty but the staging could have been done better.

Austria Oh this one was really good! I still like the song, Vincent's vocals were pretty good, and the staging worked. Definitely the best of the night so far.

Poland My main problem with this entry is Rafal. I like the song, and actually I kind of like the staging. But the vocals were weak and Rafal just seemed awkward. The bit where he's holding the camera felt like it went on too long and there were other places in the song where it's like... ok, if you had a little more charisma maybe.

Moldova Staging here was actually really good! It was visually interesting and you can tell how confident Natalia is as a dancer. Unfortunately, as fun as that was, it doesn't translate to her vocals. That long note at the end truly sounded terrible.

Iceland Like Lithuania, much of this song's appeal comes from its meme quality. But this surpasses Lithuania because oh my god Dadi's vocals are soooo gorgeous. Love to have a bass at Eurovision. I am still not 100% sold on the dance but the circular piano was cool and everyone onstage had really good stage presence which sold the song for me!

Serbia I like this a LOT better staged ngl! This is Sanja's show, I'm so proud of her for getting that high note after her grand final voice crack in 2016. Nah, but Goodbye (Shelter) was one of my first ever Eurovision favorites so I'll always be nostalgic for her. Seriously though the staging for this was really good and I'm impressed by how well they managed to sing while also dancing like that.

Georgia This is sweet but boring. Tornike doesn't seem to know where to look and his tone quality is doing something weird.

Albania Well staged!!! Good job Albania. I still don't like the song or her voice though.

Portugal This is the better "song that evokes classic Eurovision" to me. France? Whatever. This one is good. It's not my favorite by any means but I can see how it qualified, the simplicity of the song and the staging actually worked well.

Bulgaria I like this better live than in studio, but I'm still not a fan of her voice or the song. I think they also could have dressed her better. The staging was REALLY good though!!!

Finland This is pretty good. The frenetic camera shots absolutely work well - I'll be honest, my energy is kinda flagging right now, but this picked me back up a little bit. The chorus is still catchy and frankly it's kind of hard to have truly bad vocals when you're screaming on purpose, so.

Latvia What I have to say about this song is that it's bad and I don't like it.

Switzerland Live vocals here absolutely incredible. He really sounds just like he does in studio, if not better. The staging wasn't exactly as good as I thought it would be but it still holds up (especially after the trash fire that was Latvia).

Denmark Now this one got my energy back! My main criticism of this before was that it really was too much like cringe 80s Eurovision, but actually I think it works well and helps the song stand out. The staging was also really well done!

My personal qualifiers Austria, Iceland, Serbia, Switzerland, Finland, Bulgaria, Greece, Portugal, San Marino, Czechia

Miscellaneous thoughts This is definitely the weaker semifinal. I can already tell that in my final rankings most of the songs from semi 1 will rank higher than these.

#esc reviews

1 note · View note

punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Jude & Jac

Jude: [post rave] Jude: you can stop your 1 woman campaign now, freshers looks fun, I admit it Jac: That's why they give out free shit and throw these things Jac: convince people like you, good to know you've fallen for it 🎣😏 Jude: I'm convinced enough to crash Trinity's 😜✌ Jude: here on out Jac: good luck, jailbait Jac: the two years you've got left in school show 👶 Jac: you can't even grow unconvincing facial hair like the boys in my year Jude: nah they don't, why ma & da get so stressed every time I leave the house 💋👗👠 Jac: Predators enjoying the fact you think so is another issue entirely Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: can never just have a nice chat with you Jac: What do you need to chat about? Jude: what do YOU need to chat about? Jac: That was an...attempt, I'll give you that Jude: alright, here's the nudge, her name starts with S & last time she was ranked she was at like a 4 Jude: but I'm willing to bump her up in light of recent events Jac: You've reconnected and + 1 up, have you? Jac: That's nice Jude: taking a decent 📷 is good for a few points Jude: probs should lose 'em again when it's dad 👍 but whatever Jac: Very generous Jac: do appreciate you keeping your 👍 to yourself Jac: what do you wanna ask then? Jude: ikr I'm in a generous mood Jude: I'm not forcing you into a q & a Jude: I just think it's good you're mates again Jude: be a bit weird having her there & not Jude: some girl isn't gonna be there 📷 to turn her into a headless 👻 whenever shit gets awkward Jac: That your professional opinion, captain obvious? Jac: well, cheers for your blessing, like Jude: I could tell you were waiting for it so Jac: Clearly Jac: the little you think about has always been my GREATEST concern 😏 Jac: and she'll be up and over the 🌙 at her new score, of course Jude: all I REALLY wanna know is if she has a 🌾🐄 accent now, like? be honest Jude: it's still silver 🥄 yeah? Jac: Err, come on, it was NEVER Southside Jac: and even if it was, that'd count for NOTHING here Jac: so posh some of 'em it's a speech impediment Jude: so you're saying she don't fit right in with the 👸🤴 & qualifies as a bit of rough instead Jude: gutted for her Jude: her ma'd be even more 💔 wonder how she is Jac: That isn't funny, Jude Jude: not about her mum, that was well sad Jude: posh boys not thinking Sav is, is a bit though Jac: Have you ever tried engaging your brain before you speak Jac: not being completely insensitive should not be this hard for you Jude: ?? Jac: Don't ?? at me Jac: you say it's 'well sad' but you're the one that cracked a joke in the first place Jude: I didn't Jude: not about that Jac: I'm not pulling it from nowhere, it's still on my screen Jac: I don't think you realize how badly you come across half the time Jude: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across like a massive dickhead Jude: I think Sav's alright, I'm not trying to take the piss out of her Jac: Well it's alright this time 'cos you only said it in front of me Jude: be going a bit far to check in with her Jude: not weird at all Jac: you're saying I SHOULD put it past you? Jac: you are weird Jude: I'm saying I'm not about to say it front of her as I don't talk to her, am I Jac: doesn't mean getting into the habit of saying every 'hilarious' thought that enters your head out loud is a plan Jude: yeah alright Jude: fair enough Jac: Anyway, Sav isn't interested in any boys that look like they came from 🐴s not 🐒s Jude: 🤣 Jude: you wanna be careful saying 👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿 look like 🐒 but I get you Jac: She hasn't got a boyfriend of any colour so I weren't saying that Jude: I didn't reckon so, not unless she got a lad to follow her to uni Jude: but who wants that? Jac: Her ex was holding her back hardcore but he's given that up, thankfully Jude: he sounds like a right laugh & not at all like a prick Jac: That's boys for you Jude: 😜 Jude: when do they grow up? 40s or what? Jac: Have you met our father? Jac: never Jude: oh great Jac: 🤷 Jude: it's alright for you, you can get all the 🤓 lads when you're done studying or whatever Jude: least they'll be smart Jac: smart boys are worse Jac: they want to explain everything to you Jude: really? Jude: fuck that then Jac: dumb but kind are the lofty heights you can shoot for Jude: like a 🐶 Jac: yep Jac: loyalty too, forgo the collar Jude: yeah you're right that is lofty heights Jude: maybe when I'm 40, I can find a lad that don't need one Jude: stop him going over the road & 💔 me Jac: shitting where you eat is gross but convenient, that's boys Jude: 👍 Jude: Jess is so lucky he can pick a lad or a girl Jac: Most people are undesirable Jac: gay lads will only touch him if they think he's straight and that's their type Jac: and girls are a whole different beast altogether Jude: that'll be why he's so 😒 Jac: as a rule or more than usual right now? Jude: we all know why he's 😒 right now Jude: you pissed off somewhere more fun without him Jac: I think he's just fine Jac: and he did it first, every weekend, like Jude: speaking of, his latest gig was not the one Jude: so he's probably 😒 about that Jac: like, he was shit, the crowd weren't the right one or the equipment weren't? Jude: he needs a better 🎸 but that ain't news Jude: seemed like he didn't wanna be there to me Jac: Hm, a fight with one of his girlfriend or boyfriends then Jac: meant to make him better so he's fucked up there Jude: relatable Jac: 🙄 Jac: alright Jude: don't be 🙄 @ me Jude: your dating history ain't spotless Jac: I've never dated anyone so it is Jac: 📑 definition Jude: your hook up history then, you know what I mean cos me either Jac: I don't fall in love with them like an idiot, it's entirely different Jude: I fell in love with the one, who I was dating for a bit Jude: I'm not going about falling for 'em all Jac: Still did, didn't you Jac: I can't even remember any of mine Jac: nothing came into play but proximity and timing Jude: 🏆🥇 if you want Jac: take it over your 💔 obviously Jude: yeah Jac: 🙄 I repeat Jude: whatever Jude: I was stupid, it was ages ago Jac: you brought it up Jude: it was my mistake, I can Jac: not a sounding board for your whining Jude: alright, my bad Jac: used to you Jude: you've got your own room now, get over it, like Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jude: it's a part time one for you now, don't have to see this face til 🎄🎅☃️🎁 Jac: Unfortunately, can stay over Spring though, but there's no catering in the Xmas hol 💔 Jude: 👎 - 1 point to St Andy's Jude: is Sav going to her mum or dad for the hols? Jac: better than home, get all my meals and room cleaned for me every week so Jac: literally only just got here, who's thinking about leaving Jac: some other halls you can stay, so maybe she'll find someone there, so she only has to do actual Xmas day or whatever Jude: me now, maybe I should bother going to uni if they're gonna clean for me Jac: only if you get into a good one Jac: and pay extra, hence most people are self-cater, but what else do I need my grant, loan and scholarship for, may as well Jude: 🤔 I hear you, that's unlikely Jac: you have time Jac: two years can change everything Jude: not my 🧠 it can't Jude: my concentration ain't there unless I'm doing 🎨 Jac: you could try harder, and you know it Jude: at what? Jac: concentrating on enough subjects to get you into a decent Uni Jac: you don't need every one, just enough to boost your points Jude: sounds easy that 😤😏 Jude: if I'm only in it for the 🧹🧺 🧼🧽 & I ain't 🤓 enough for one of 'em, ain't much point Jac: It's not about being nerdy or naturally intelligent, it's about being smart with the system Jude: yeah but it's probably also about going cos you wanna learn stuff & be there not just cos you wanna leave home for a bit Jac: most people never use their degrees, so you tell me Jude: that's true Jude: what subjects then? Jac: Depends what you want to do, Art in some form, assumedly? Jac: Fuck Irish and Spanish and PE, duh, knuckle down with your rest to up your points as much as you can then absolutely ace Art Jude: Alright, I'm decent at PE anyway Jude: that'll be easy points Jac: Exactly, no need to purposely fuck them up, but focus harder on the rest, especially the ones you are less decent at without trying Jude: please tell me you've left your notes here Jac: Of course Jac: under my bed, if you haven't lit it on 🔥 Jude: it's only been a week, gimme chance Jac: well, don't reckon they'll let you get a double yet Jac: I still need a place to crash in the holidays and it certainly won't be beside you snoring your head off Jude: might do if I steer clear of lads for a bit Jude: not that I've done half as much with 'em as everyone reckons I have Jac: People find shit to chat regardless, not worth paying no mind to, no more mind to stupid lads either Jude: I don't care if people don't reckon I'm a virgin still even though I am Jude: it's not like it matters Jac: Yeah, those people will all be irrelevant before you know it Jude: loads of people are well jealous of your uni btw Jude: reckoned you'd wanna hear that Jac: Of course Jac: x2 Jude: 😏 Jac: It's more of a flex than Trinity even, and only a handful of people got in there Jude: when did you work out what you wanted? it feels like you've been going on about it forever Jude: but like actually Jac: 🤔 Jac: I can't remember a point where it wasn't my plan, honestly Jac: more abstract when I was little and didn't have the titles and disciplines to put to it but Jac: I always liked murder mysteries and shit, what makes us tick Jude: right Jude: you love a true crime podcast Jac: 😏 Jac: but I'd rather deal with the living murderers than the corpses of their victims so Jude: well yeah Jude: 🦴🦷 bit gross Jac: 🧠 are much better Jude: long as you're not cutting into it Jac: I won't be Jac: if I'd combined biology, and gone that route Jude: I won't be either, tah Jude: science is proper hard Jac: Psychology has a shit load of it involved anyway, but I can blag it Jude: you're SO excited, I can tell Jude: 🤓💕 Jac: Of course I am Jac: it's everything I've ever wanted Jude: it's weird you're so far away though, it don't feel like you are Jac: Glad my prescence and now abscence had/have such a huge impact on you Jac: we both know why though so Jude: yeah Jac: it's different now Jude: good Jac: alright then Jude: give my love to Savannah, I know she'll have missed me Jude: that's the impact I have Jac: 👌👌 Jude: 😝 Jac: Do you really have a problem with Savannah? Jude: course not, I told you I think she's alright, it's just bants Jude: why does she have a problem with me? Jac: yeah, it's a massive grudge she took all the way to Sligo and back Jac: 🙄 Jude: you know what I mean Jude: has she said that I come across as a massive dickhead too or something? Jude: I don't wanna upset her, like Jac: you haven't come up a load in conversation, like Jac: oddly enough Jac: it's that Jac: she's like my girlfriend alright so you can't be a dick about her anymore, alright Jude: alright then Jac: is that all you're gonna say Jude: I won't take the piss out of her no more, like I said, I didn't mean it anyways Jac: you can react, you know Jac: it's big news on multiple counts Jude: it makes sense Jude: I get it now, why you were like that after she left Jac: Good Jac: I want you to know that Jac: don't change how it was, but still Jude: you could've just told me you rated her 10/10 Jude: is that why she left? like her family always seemed a bit off but I didn't think they were that bad Jac: I couldn't, though Jac: no, her mum wasn't coping Jac: as we all know now, and then the Isabelle stuff went down, so their dad stepped in Jude: yeah, but I mean, that's not part of why she slit her wrists, is it? Cos Sav doesn't need that to carry Jac: it was because the dad left and then took them, to put it as bluntly and without nuance as possible Jac: but that's all on him, not the girls, her mum isn't like blaming them, their relationship is getting better Jude: at least she was alright with you too dating then, nobody needs that dark ages mentality shit Jude: she's got enough going on Jac: well, she doesn't know about that yet Jude: but you were together back then, yeah? Jac: no, it's a new development Jac: as in, like, the other night new, no one really knows, I barely do Jac: things were complicated before Jude: oh okay, soz for backtracking so hard, I just thought Jac: yeah, that was the problem Jac: shit was assumed or it wasn't Jude: what a headfuck Jude: you're okay now though, right? Like the other night went alright Jac: I guess for context, before she left, I did kiss her and it went horribly Jac: I loved her then but she didn't and then she was gone Jac: I see how it sounded like pining there but no Jac: it's good now though, things have changed, we both have Jude: I knew something happened that night when you came back early, you were like a 👻 or like you'd seen one Jac: Yeah, that was what it was Jude: it won't happen again if things are different so Jac: not as bad Jude: I'm glad Jude: that this is the ending you get, cos it's not one, it's more like a beginning or whatever Jude: you don't have to be just excited for uni Jac: I know Jac: not that there's anything wrong with just being excited for Uni, tah very much Jac: whatever happens, I think we'll be able to stay friends this time so Jude: or you'll just marry her & have all the kids she obviously wants Jac: let's not get carried away, shall we Jude: 1. you never said I couldn't have bants with you still Jude: 2. there's nowt I don't know about her life plan, she talks LOADS Jac: You only have a problem with that because you want to be the one talking Jude: course I do Jac: it cannot be overstated how much I'd rather listen to her, is the point ❤ Jude: it'd be a bit rude if you were already like nah tah 🤐 it, babe Jude: probably don't do that Jac: That's your top tip and people really think you're not a virgin? Jac: Interesting Jude: it don't work out well for the lads who TRY it with me 😏 Jude: people reckon I'm not cos I'm that 🥇 yeah Jude: & cos lads have loads to say for themselves, most of which is bollocks Jude: but you're not a sounding board for my whinging, I remember Jac: 'Bants', dear sister, 'bants' Jude: 👍 Jac: anyway, I've got to go Jac: there's this variety show that is apparently hilarious, either actually or in how bad it is so Jude: & I've got loads of 📝📚📖📏📐to do if I'm gonna have my own freshers Jude: top quality entertainment like that, literally how could I not? Jac: sure you'll want to be in it yourself 😏 Jude: you're correct Jude: 👋 then

2 notes · View notes