#with this rage and hurt and pain

[s0fter-sin]

something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him #but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’ #after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister #but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him #hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that #so he has to balance it #and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory #if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all #reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders #and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead #only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface #he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity #instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order #and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back #and help him through the after #the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order #it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost #and its his touch that brings him back to the man #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #cod #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod

[thejasontoddarchives]

There’s a general consensus that above all else Jason should be homicidal again. However I think what’s also very important is that he should be a fucking hoot.

There’s nothing not funny about this entire bit.

1. He couldn’t give less of a shit about explaining that he’s single-handedly trying to stop a terrorist attack. Obviously cause he’s short on time, but even if he had all the time in the world he would still be this indifferent towards explaining himself to cops.

2. This bomb is seconds away from exploding but he’s at most mildly annoyed like he’s in the office doing some menial task.

3. The perfectly timed British jokes.

4. Circling back to number 1 on the list. After he throws the bomb into the water he just dips. For all they know he’s the (weird) terrorist. (But as long as everyone’s okay he doesn’t care! The beauty of Jason Todd everybody).

This one is funny (but it’s also true)? Like yes … that is exactly what you are. (A sweet, kind-hearted goodboy learning how to effectively poison people, shoot guns, and blow shit up with all manner of explosives like a certified pro).

Bonus:

Red Hood: The Lost Days #5 (2010-)

Red Hood: The Lost Days #4 (2010-)

“Not so irritating for an American” is a far more impressive title than “genius” if you ask me. Although I think Jason balances both pretty well.

#lost days was actually a comedy it gets funnier every time I reread it #look I know in recent days he’s become more serious/glum as a character #he’s sorta detached from people and situations and he seems to have lost his spunk #and my mind is zoning in on Zdarsky. him feeling immense guilt and burden over people he kills. #which like. even Matt Murdock fans said Zdarsky leaned a bit too heavily into Catholic guilt lol #Jason should be like this again #boiling inside him is untamed rage and pain and hurt but the jokes keep rolling off his tongue in an endless stream #just as playful with his words as he is with his bombs and takeover plans #from moments like the bomb under the bridge or even just the 'nice boy' comment #you see just how much he not only doesn’t care about being labelled a hero for his actions but how he actively detests it even #it’s one of the things that makes him so endearing to me like: look at this humble kind kid who loves and cares for the world immeasurably #(even after all he’s suffered from it) #but refuses to ever take credit for it #jason todd #red hood #red hood: the lost days #lost days #dc

[smile-files]

as a jew, seeing what all of these israeli leaders have said is sickening. as a jew, anti-palestinian rhetoric is sickening. as a jew, zionism is sickening.

how dare my people -- a people who've been massacred, ethnically cleansed, dehumanized, forcibly removed, and discriminated on religious grounds for their entire existence -- do the same to another people? how dare we turn our backs on them, when they suffer like we have?

i understand that so much of us have been fed zionist propaganda our entire lives; the same happened to me. i understand the desire for a homeland where we don't have to fear antisemitism at every turn; i want that too. but it doesn't take much thought to understand that a homeland for us, which actively oppresses and kills another people, is antithetical to what we want.

if you, as a member of an oppressed group, believe that your freedom and safety can only exist when you oppress another group, you are acting no better than the people who oppressed you. such a belief is horrible, and cynical, and wrong.

as a jew, i want jewish people to be happy and safe and connected to our heritage; as a jew, i also want other peoples to be happy and safe and connected to their heritage.

don't call the palestinians "amalek". you are turning us into amalek.

doesn't the torah tell us to have empathy for those beaten down by the world? doesn't the torah tell us to make the world a better place? doesn't the torah tell us to free people of their shackles and help them escape oppression?

i have so many israeli aunts and uncles and cousins; i fear for their safety. of course, my parents do as well. i'm worried that this fear, in addition to anything they were led to believe earlier in life, is placing my parents even deeper in the zionist camp. but it doesn't have to be this way! my relatives' safety does not rely on the continued oppression of gaza!

it is easy to be uninformed, to be swayed by propaganda, to blindly hope that israel was founded in good faith -- but we can't lie to ourselves. a world steeped in senseless hatred (which we are now promoting!) could never be a home for us. none of us are free, liberated, equal, until all of us are.

as a jew, to other jews, i implore that we stand with our palestinian siblings. i want us all to be happy and safe. i want us all to live in harmony -- in the holy land and around the world. that is what we all deserve. <3

#melonposting #i apologize for not reblogging/posting much stuff about israel/palestine until now #i kept having this fear that my mom would see and get angry at me #but what do i care? i want both jews and palestinians to be happy #oh yeah. and i keep hearing the argument that 'jews living in the holy land before israel was established weren't treated well' #i don't know if that's true or not... but does it matter? #like of course antisemitism is horrible. but that can be dealt with #forcibly taking over their land is not the answer #like if israel were never a thing and people saw that jews living in the holy land didn't have rights #they'd do something about it! #and if you think they wouldn't (which is a fair thing to think)... well then you should do something about it!!! #don't solve oppression with more oppression you idiot!!!!! #no positive change will ever come to a world which doesn't think positive change can happen #and oppression is not positive change. #and it also pains me how so much of zionist rhetoric feeds off of post-holocaust fear #and i get it. i get that in the mid 20th century we were so scared and angry after the holocaust #and that we desperately wanted a safe haven #i will never not empathize with that fear and rage because it's justified #but that is no excuse to oppress another group of people. there are other ways to be safe and happy i promise #just stop hurting each other... please... you're not helping anyone... #palestine #israel #zionism

[dk-thrive]

what doesn't kill you / kills parts of yourself

what doesn't kill you makes you: lose your innocence- not trust anyone ever again- wonder what makes you so unlovable- live your life in a constant state of survival- question everything you thought you knew- think about all the ways it could have been different- ask yourself if it's worth going on with all the pain- wake up each morning and contemplate the same.

what doesn't kill you kills parts of yourself you will never get back.

— Rose Brik, in "my father's eyes, my mother's rage"  (library and archives canada, November 10, 2023) (via Carol O'Reilly FB)

#struggle #hurt #innocence #trust #survive #Rose Brik #rage #anger #pain

[elveny]

Also can we talk about the ACTING in Wheel of Time?? It feels like every episode the actors surpass themselves again and again.

The subtlety, the rawness, the emotion.

I am. Deaded.

#Moiraine's quiet joy and relief and gratitude at being able to channel again #the PAIN and hurt when Siuan forces her to obey #egwene's silent RAGE and hatred #and renna's cruelty wrapped in care #mat's suffering #ishamael's fixed and unwavering belief #Lanfear's careless cruelty - so catlike #I could go on and on and on #They're SO GOOD #wot s2 spoilers #wot #wheel of time

[basofy]

those last words ouch ouch ouch

#this was very liked on twitter so am gonna put it here now #i think out of everyone rage is the one that hurts me most #he tells you the worst shit and then he starts sobbing dramatically bruh your going through every emotion right there #i would hug him.. #my stuff #lisa the painful #rage ironhead #brad armstrong #lisa rpg #also it hurts me sm cuz he seems so attached to brad shit's so sad #that one theory that he's only saying this to make brad not feel guilty about killing him fucks me up #lisa ramblings

[xray-vex]

HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME

#literally. re: email from my ex this morning #every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day #today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here #everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much #i'm not feeling brave about any of this #one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships #in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?” #as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever #but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS #ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship #that broke me so bad it almost killed me #and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life #if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on #but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again #and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief #as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart #but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO #i know it's not productive for me to think that way #but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage #i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night #i just wanted to love and be loved #i wanted someone who i could call home #I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED #rage #grief #trauma #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd

[irisbaggins]

The novelisation of the Phantom Menace has made me so incredibly sad, where little Anakin sees an injured Tusken and decides to disobey Watto to sit by the Raider until he wakes up. Anakin has such a deep, loving heart that he was willing to suffer the consequences of disobedience to make sure a Tusken Raider would be safe, a being he was taught all his life were brutal and cruel. And in this chapter, Anakin admits that the only thing that truly scares him, is of losing his mother. That juxtaposition, that note of I will care for this creature to I fear losing my mother, put so much more weight onto AOTC, and of Anakin's rage. He broke, and he lost himself to his rage. When faced with what he did, he rages against the world and his actions, before breaking down into further sobs at the loss of his mother and the actions he made. His worst fear was realised, and he became the monster that everyone claimed the Tuskens to be.

It'll be interesting to read the AOTC novelisation, to see if this scene is ever called back to. I just find it interesting, and further showcases the depths of Anakin's feelings and compassion, as well as the pitfalls that such strong emotions come with. For if you feel compassion and love as deeply as Anakin does, so will you feel the destructive nature of all of your rage. And that, that is Anakin's biggest weakness; he feels too strongly to ever truly control it.

#text_iris #I just love Anakin so much and this novel just makes me scream at how good it is #Anakin Skywalker #Star Wars #The Phantom Menace #Star Wars Meta #Like...I relate to the Feeling Too Strongly 'cos ADHD which has made my rage an overwhelming thing #The amounts of time I've lost myself to my rage are numerous and I understand too well how that can happen #Like. That rage where you just lose all sense of self? Yeah. As a kid I was...a ball of rage #Mellowed out with the years of course but still. It happened. It was real. And Anakin Skywalker as a character made me realise things #Like when I was younger I realised the reason why my rage was like that was due to the fact I felt so strongly #Any emotion I had would just consume me. ANY emotion. And I realised that by looking at Anakin meta #So...yeah. Anyway this novel is killing me with emotions already and I'm only on the seventh chapter #Anyway Anakin never relished his violence against the Tuskens instead he tried to work through what happened #What he did why he did it and HOW because?? He didn't want to he was a Jedi but he also wanted to HURT them for taking his mom #It's COMPLICATED and that's sooo good because it's REALISTIC and PAINFUL #Anakin let his rage consume him! Which is bad! But also human! It's complicated!! He regrets his actions but also not but also he does!! #Aaa so many emotions about this one eldritch lightning rod of a being

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

oughh......

#laya plays dragon age #da2 #oc: liam hawke #this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that #but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH. #i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok #bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years #years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard #and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left #and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it #varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home #drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother #and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life #and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision #but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings #and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade #and he cant do it #and he hates it so much. but he wont do it. #and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways #if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands #as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even #the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it #but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too #if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more #''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me #dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more #or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever #anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again

[hella1975]

are you guys thinking about touya todoroki today because i am

#what if he just wanted to be good what if he burned up and out waiting for his parent to look at him and just LOVE HIM #what if all he ever wanted was that positive affirmation what if he just needed to be treated kindly and was instead #offered only cruelty what if he was a child who didn't need to be strong he just needed to be held #what if raising children to be soldiers regardless of good intention is still a fucked up thing to do #because they're CHILDREN they just want you to be nice to them they don't care about being the strongest #and why does being the strongest matter more than anything else? is that really worth doing all this damage? #is it really worth being so mean? you're supposed to love them why won't you show it #and it haunts him so much he literally BURNS HIMSELF ALIVE OVER IT and no one even comes to watch #and when the rejection finally FINALLY gets through his head and he's forced to accept that he's never gonna get that love #and acknowledgement that he needs so much he doesnt heal from it and choose to be the bigger person #he instead becomes something ugly and mean and messy and awful and he's a sum of all the acts made against him #because he's ANGRY and he doesn't care that he's angry he's shameless and embracing of that rage #because it covers up the hurt and if he has to hurt people in order to avoid his own pain then that's what he'll do #and to the very end he's shouting every bad thing that happened to him refusing to go down quietly about it #refusing to be a good little victim that shakes and cries in a corner and lets things sort themselves out because it NEVER DOES #NO ONE EVER SAVES HIM. NO ONE EVER PROTECTS HIM. WHY WON'T THEY PROTECT HIM #and not a single person acknowledges him. not a single person looks on him with pity #there's no one there to say 'that was shit and you deserved better'. no one. and what did he honestly do that was so bad as to deserve this #he was a child who wanted to be loved. to be good. that's all #touya todoroki #literally feels like his character was created to make me specifically want to blow my brains out el oh el <3

[hylianengineer]

I waffled back and forth about whether my mystery pain is totally fine and not a big deal vs a massive, infuriating pain in my ass that makes me want to cry. The latter perspective is supported by the sheer amount of vent-y fanfic I've written about it.

Does this solve any problems? No, but sometimes you gotta scream into the void.

Will I ever get over my medical anxiety long enough to ask a doctor why the fuck my everything hurts sometimes? God only knows. Given the past 5 years of failing to do that, I don't think my odds are great. Also, what's the point? I've got a guess about what it is - fibromyalgia, the same thing my mom has, and it's really not very treatable. If a doctor were to suggest half of the common treatment options to me, I would want to bite them (I wouldn't bite them, but I'd want to). Exercise is the main one and I think it's stupid because yes the evidence says it improves quality of life but it does NOT say it improves pain, and doesn't exercise improve quality of life for everyone? How is that fibro specific? Either explain that or bite me.

I SHOULD talk to a doctor, if for no other reason than to rule out the potentially nastier and/or more treatable illnesses with similar symptoms, but also? It's been five years. If it were gonna kill me I think it'd've done it by now. I don't need some entitled doctor telling me this is a depression symptom (VERY common comorbidity with fibro anyways), or that I need to exercise more (I might actually start screaming), or that I should try yoga (again. screaming.). The most likely outcome here is frustration, anger, emotional trauma, and zero improvement of my symptoms. I'm far more likely to suffer from asking for help than I am to actually GET help. If it's what I think it is, there isn't much of any help to be had. And that's assuming I get a better answer than: "it's in your head" or "I don't know and I don't care."

Chronic illness and medial trauma: a fantastically horrible combination. Common side effects include despair and overwhelming rage.

#i'm angry! and i hurt! and i need to fistfight like the entirety of western medicine! and a bunch of nontraditional medicine too! #yeah i feel like the inability to discuss this topic without breaking down in incoherrent rage MIGHT suggest i'm slightly traumatized #just maybe #no more words only snarling noises #vent post #chronic pain #aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhhh

[clerichs-xi]

tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go

klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family

get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b

details and just the lines hehe

#clerichs.png #my artwork #original character #original art #original illustration #digital art #digital painting #digital illustration #dnd character #oc #oc illustration #im so unnormal about him. #he got hurt soo badly in isolation... thats where all the scars in his ref came from </3 #this portrait is of the one scar his goddess did not give him.... </3 #tfw ur jealous sea goddess lover pits you against other pirates and sea monsters to fight for ur life and test ur devotion #and she promised to love you wholly only for u to realize she doesn't understand or know what love is #and only wanted it bc everyone else who had love seemed so happy and she wanted that too #so after she destroyed everything you loved (literally your entire world) she merely treats u as a possession for 20 years #and you don't know how to ask for love because you don't know how to love either so you resent her and everything and everyone #leading rage to build up within you and you willfully slaughtering so many things because you cant handle your emotions and pain #and after deflating and sinking into apathy a rogue priest manages to break ur exterior and touch you deeply enough to let you love again #and because of him you're able to begin breaking free of everything and you lose everything again but this time #this time you wake up in a crate of fish to outstretched hands and people who love you as family even after learning who you are/were #filling you with strength and willpower even as your goddess lover comes back swearing she loved you and loves you still #and she tortures you and threatens to take everything away again if you don't come back to her but because of your love for everyone #and their love for you youre able to hold fast long enough for them to break you out #his goddess made a copy of him by warping the body and soul of a naive young man in an attempt to replace him and fill the hole in her hear #he had to literally kill the darkest version of himself that hurt everyone and he laid him to rest... catharsis if ive ever seen it #as i said. im so normal about him <3 the guy i project onto the most ever #klaus lierstark

[neurotypical-sonic]

thinking about bpd amy

#scenario in my head of amy splitting on sonic and its really bad #its before she was diagnosed and shes full just so much hurt and rage and hate thats its PAINFUL and she doesnt know WHY #and sonic doesnt know what the fuck hes done wrong to make her act like this to him and its. yeah. its not good #after shes diagnosed shes so scared to tell her friends because she thinks having bpd makes her a bad person and theyll all hate her #and leave her #which makes it worse sjdjdjd but she eventually does tell them and it goes okay!! #sonics like 'i have no idea what that is so nice ig?? or sorry that happened??' shdjdn #but they all understand it better and shes better at coping with it and recognising when she needs to leave until she calms down #shes on mood stabilisers now 💗 #her relationships with her friends become more stable and healthy especially with sonic theyre FRIENDS now!! #she takes responsibility for her past action and apologises and explains why she was like that and why she is the way she is now #he accepts her apology and they work on becoming better friends and how to support each other better #im just!! EMOTIONAL!!!!! #egg.txt #amy #sonicposting #bpd #neurodiversity

[kkoct-ik]

how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive

#kostik speaks #this is not the first time. or the second. or the. i just keep realising this and then forgetting to protect myself #abuse #domestic abuse #for cw #im processing today that its not normal for your parent to not care about your feelings or pain at all #like them hurting you for hours because theyre angry and not caring because the only thing that matters is that theyre mad at you #im realising that might not be normal #my household is shit in a lot of other ways but my mum situation is really difficult for me to process #at least with house being bad its kinda nebulous and a feeling #processing that my mum mistreats me and all her kids is kind of realer and uh. therefore harder #i dont get it #why cant she be normal #why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even #its just relentless rage or offense the moment you make a mistake or make her look bad #as long as youre helpful and make her look good shes fine #but god forbid youre a child and make a mistake because youre a child. god forbid you be autistic and struggle #i dont understand its so inconsistent. sometimes she sounds like she cares. she advocates for all sorts of stuff #but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it #and christ it doesnt take much for her to be mad at you. she never lets go grudges anyway so you never know when itll come #sorry for abuse posting i recently came back from home and had therapy about it and then a chat with my flatmate about abusive parenting #my brain is working

[anyoldfandom]

"You better get some control of yourself, mijo."

"Or what? You'll use that thing on me?"

#genrex #generator rex #Had this screenshot laying around for a while decided to redraw #Never liked how Caesar was looking away....this moment is SO good though OUGH #I wish I wish they really hammed it up with this ep afterwards I understand Rex will always forgive Caesar bc he's Rex but GOD #I wish I wish I wish there was more drama. I wish more people pointed out to Rex his bro tried to mind control him #I wish we saw more of Caesar dying inside remembering the look of pain and rage on his mijo's face #Thinking what he was doing was for the greater good and knowing that any pain Rex felt in the moment was better than him being killed. #But still feeling that guilt on his shoulders. #Like we get that it happens but I wish we had SCENES of that. Of Caesar alone in his lab distraught. Remembering that look Rex gave him. #Bc from Rex's perspective he didn't just hurt Rex. He's hurting innocent people LIKE Rex. #He's acting the same as everyone else when Rex was so sure he was different. #Do you get me. Do you get me tumblr.

[kyshiwarrior]

sebastians acting when jet tells katara "I am nothing like the fire benders"

#GOD. #HE DID SO GOOD #i heard jets emotions LOUD AND CLEAR #just really tapped into ALL jet's pain and trauma and how much that accusation HURT #perfected being full of rage with grief in his throat and in his eyes #verge of tears jet ??? I WAS NOT READY FOR VERGE OF TEARS JET!!!! #natla #natla jet #what jet did was not morally fantastic but jfc calling him the same as the people who purposefully kill innocents for power......