#withdrawals

[famousfor15]

Kurt Cobain and William S. Burroughs. The Burroughs quote below still rings true for me even though I havent used heroin since 2015. I still have that "Spidey-sense" that tells me someone near is holding.

#Kurt Cobain #william s. burroughs #Nirvana #Junky #junkie #heroin #addiction #author #musician #artist #dope #withdrawals #recovery #iv drugs

[befuddled-calico-whump]

putting one more Cinderglass drabble request in your askbox (i am so sorry for the spam but i’ve been thinking about them nonstop aghfsk). again, feel free to ignore this!

i‘d love to see Sarah help Lex work through a panic attack or a traumatic flashback! maybe either so that he doesn’t have to drown himself in alcohol about it or she’s helping and calming him down while he’s drunk

Wildefire Masterlist

cw: alcoholism, emeto, hallucinations, withdrawals

He'd been sober for thirty seven hours.

Not long at all, really, but it was something, and he was trying, and it was fine.

Well, it was fine for thirty seven hours.

Outright quitting was the only thing Lex dared to do. Trying to just cut back wouldn't work, because what was cutting back? He didn't keep track of how much he drank anymore, he just drank until he felt like it was enough. Even just trying to regulate himself to one a day seemed risky business. Would he be able to stop, once he started?

He didn't want to find out.

Lex didn't tell Sarah, didn't want her saying it was a bad idea or insisting on staying with him. It was a rough ride ahead, and he didn't want to somehow hurt her in the throes of his panic or sickness. He... He didn't want her to see him like that.

So he locked himself in his room, told her not to bother him this week, that he'd be busy. The safehouse was old and decrepit but huge, and his room had a small bathroom attached, something he was doubly grateful for now.

He stocked his room with water bottles. It was impossible not to think of Sarah whenever he looked at their plastic cases now, Sarah staying up until early daylight, because she was worried. That was good. He could use his guilt there as a reminder; a reason to hold out.

He sipped at them and stared at the wall, every light in the room on, the old radio Sarah had gotten for him positioned at the foot of his bed. She'd given him a battered CD case with it, packed full of a few dozen discs. A Guns n Roses album was currently in, playing just loud enough to pull his thoughts.

She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories

By now, Lex was pretty good at doing nothing, letting himself sink into the thankfulness that nothing was being done to him. Even a year after the Tower and weeks free of Uriah, the talent hadn't faded. Day one turned into night, and he didn't dare fall asleep. Just swapped one CD for another and let his mind cling to the lyrics.

Too late, my time has come

Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time

It was around hour twenty two that the headache started, and it only got worse from there. Not long after that, Lex was clinging to the toilet bowl, heaving up the half-dozen water bottles he'd drank throughout the day, his head swimming, the pit in his stomach insisting couldn't he just do this later? Would it hurt to have one drink, to get rid of this shitty feeling?

No. All or nothing.

He moved the radio to the bed, putting his ear to the speaker, trying to drown out everything else. The album came to an end, and he replaced it with another, as quick as he could without scratching the disc with his stupid metal fingers.

Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile

The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes

Fuck. He just needed to hold out, just for a few days, and this would be over. A little self control, and maybe he could call himself worthy of the people here. Not a loose end. Not an ex-enemy or a liability. Something better.

Lex wrapped the sheets around himself, held the pillow over his head to try and ease the pounding in his skull with the pressure. It didn't help. He almost fell asleep, but the nausea pulled at his stomach and his skin was crawling and too hot, and then he was throwing off the blankets; stripping down to his boxers in an effort to ease the heat.

Exhausted but unable to find sleep, he sat with his back against the cool wall and sipped water, trying to find the lyrics again and hold them.

I don't really want to stop the show

But I thought you might like to know

That the singer's gonna sing a song

And he wants you all to sing along

It didn't help, it wasn't enough. His own body was fighting him, roiling nausea and sickness insisting all he needed was one drink and it could all go away, it could all be okay (fray, gray, stay).

The radio hummed as the CD came to an end, a few seconds passing before the album began again.

What would you think if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

At long last, his own exhaustion was catching up to him, and he dragged himself back onto the bed, the heavy feeling in his chest spreading to his eyes and mind, as the music faded to a buzz and sleep overcame him.

He woke in the Tower.

It was impossible, he knew it was, but the fear seized him all the same, the crushing weight of walls he couldn't escape, the knowledge that this time, there would be no one to free him; this time he was here for good.

And the floor was wrong and Lex knew there was never music, but he fucking knew where he was.

He sat up, wincing at the sharp pain that rang through his skull at the movement, forcing down rising nausea. No one here cared if he was sick, if he was hurt, they'd hurt him more anyway, they'd do what it took to keep him down, keep him in line. He wrapped his arms

(Arms? It's wrong, stop, you aren't---)

around himself, squeezing his torso with a pressure that wasn't comforting. He felt shaky, blurred, weak. Had they drugged him?

(just one drink and this all goes away)

He tried to reach for the techniques he'd used to get through the days, tried to remember the things he'd done to stay sane, to stay alive, but any useful memory fell through his hands like sand, leaving nothing but the shadows, the nightmares (snares, glares, spares).

He knew what happened here, in his cell (hell). He knew what was waiting to spring on him at any moment, what would surely come for him if he let his guard down (drown), if he fell asleep, if he---

"Morning, scum."

Lex froze as the door swung open. Morning? But it was so dark, but it was always dark, the light never hits you here, and when it does there are worse things waiting---

"I knew you'd come crawling back. This is where you belong, it's home."

He could hear the voice clear as day, but couldn't see its owner. It didn't sound like Wade. It almost sounded like...

"Alexei. Did you really think you could hide from me?"

Uriah Fox stood over the bed, a smug smile plastered on his face.

"No," Lex choked out. "Y-you can't--"

"You always knew it would end this way."

(Fray, pray, stray)

He climbed onto the bed, straddling Lex, easily pinning him despite being so much smaller, despite Lex being so much stronger, and he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe---

"Lex."

The pressure in his chest faded, and he gasped for air, squinting into the dim light, unable to make out anything. A hand fell onto his shoulder, giving it a light shake, and he flinched back.

"Sorry."

Sarah? He forced himself to breathe deeply, ease his eyes open. Her silhouette was blurry above him, and it was only then that he realized he was crying.

He brushed the tears away hastily with the back of his hand. "You... You should go," he managed to say.

She sighed. "I'm sorry if I scared you, I just... I heard you... screaming. Not loud or anything, but..." She tapped her earlobe. "Can't get much past these."

He swallowed, trying to push himself into a seated position, but his shoulders shook, his stomach twisting, and he fell back onto the pillow.

"Lex..." She bit her lip. "You could've told me. You know you don't have to do this alone."

He almost laughed out loud at that. What other way was there? It was his body, his choices, his mistakes. He'd drowned himself for too long, hoping it could save him, knowing it never would. He was reaping his rewards. No one else should have to deal with the mess that was him.

"I'm not your problem," he murmured, letting his eyes close again. What could she do, besides be there to fill the silence when music wasn't enough? Besides grounding him and telling him it wasn't real, he wasn't there?

"You're not a problem, Lex," she said, her voice serious. Tired. How late was it? Even trying to be fucking better, he was still screwing up her life.

"I just want you to take care of yourself, okay?" She kicked at an empty water bottle. "Is this the best way? I'm glad you're trying, I am, but don't you think it'll be easier on you if you come downstairs and hang out?"

He didn't want any of them to see him like this. "What good would that do?"

"Distract you, for one. For another, it'll be easier to remember meals. When's the last time you've eaten something?"

He sank further onto the bed, his gut twisting again at the thought of food. "I don't know."

"And have you been drinking anything besides water?"

"No, that's--that's the whole point, I'm not---"

"That's not what I meant. Electrolytes? A protein shake, maybe?"

"No," he answered after a moment.

She dropped her eyes, a grimace tugging at her mouth though she seemed to be trying to hold it back.

"Do you not think I can do this?"

"I think you're punishing yourself," Sarah said. "And I think you should stop."

Was he? His head spun almost too much to think about it. This wasn't self-inflicted punishment, it was cause and effect. It was something he had to get through if he ever wanted to move past the Tower.

"It'll be over soon," he muttered, and he hoped he was right.

She dipped her head, pressing her lips together tightly, and pushed off of the bed, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor.

"Sarah..."

"Look, I don't wanna push your boundaries, but I can't leave you like this. It's not safe."

"It'll get worse from here."

"Which is why I'm staying." She gave him a stern look. "If you want to be alone, I'll leave, but I'll be right outside your door."

Lex clenched his jaw. "I'll be fine."

"You're detoxing. You're already feverish. What if you start seizing up?"

"Then I've already dug my own grave."

"Lex." Her expression darkened. "You can't keep doing this."

"This is the only time--"

"Not this. Self-destructing. You..." She did grimace then, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You keep hurting yourself, and I can't keep watching."

He pressed his cheek further into the pillow, knees drawing to his chest. "Then why do you?" he said. "Why haven't you thrown me out yet?"

The words came out too angry. Accusatory. His own fault. Any filter he had was lessened by the pain in his head and the nausea and the fucking exhaustion. He didn't want her to throw him out, he... he needed her. Not in some bullshit emotional way, but as a reminder that there were still good things. Things worth fighting for, worth living for.

"I'd never throw you out," Sarah said, her expression turning to something that bordered playful. "I like you too much for that, you know. I just..." She exhaled through her nose, pushed soft dark hair over her shoulder. "I want you to try, okay? Can you agree to try to do what's best for yourself? To stop taking the harder path just because?"

Could he? Even if he wanted to? The harder path was what he was used to. Less traveled, less trapped. Suffering for a goal was a habit. Muscle memory.

Would the path to freedom be as clear if there was no pain to pave it?

Still, something in her voice pulled Lex to nod against the pillow. "I'll try."

Her smile shifted to something more genuine. "That's all I'm asking." She began to push herself up. "I'll, uh... I'll be in the hall then. You are eating breakfast in the morning, mister."

"You... You don't have to do that," he started.

"Do what? Bring you food? Or stand guard? I already said I'm not leaving you alone--"

"You don't have to stay in the hall." Lex swallowed (followed), and it took him a second to form the words. "You can stay here. If you... If you want to."

Her expression softened. "Yeah. I do."

She found a spare pillow and blanket in the room's closet and began to settle down on the floor beside him, picking out a new CD to start the music playing again.

While we're on the subject, could we change the subject now

"I'm here if you need me."

"I know." I need you.

It was a paradox. The easier path to recovery, to a clear head, to control being the more difficult one. Because it was untravelled. Because he almost felt he didn't deserve it, that he should bear the punishment for his own vices.

But even if the path was unchartered, he had a guide. For once, he didn't have to walk it alone.

oh, and we carried it all so well

•°•°•

Tag List:

@whumpacabra @enteredin2eternity @kixngiggles @whumpsday @kiichu @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @shywhumpauthor @distinctlywhumpthing , @bloodinkandashes , @fleur-alise , @whumpy-daydreams , @whumpwillow , @honeycollectswhump , @snakebites-and-ink

#you don't know how long i spent finding lyrics #im not even fully satisfied with the ones i went with because they aren't -perfect- but ive spent too long scrolling through playlists lolo #wildefire #cinderglass #tw alcohol #alcohol whump #emeto #hallucinations #withdrawals #angst #anon #so sorry this took forever #anyway this may be a little cheesy but lex needs some sappiness in his life #I STARTED WRITING THIS IN NOVEMBER HOLY SHIT FSJDBSKKD

[l3m-ntwo]

What do you guys think ccBad will do next for qbad's lore after the Island restart? I'm thinking he might add more to his demon lore or more of his 'old friends' finally finding him considering he does cause some large scale disasters with him, they must've noticed patterns and may use the island reset as a clue of where he is

#badboyhalo #withdrawals #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp

[whumpypepsigal]

Echo 3 s01e06: “He needs to dry out.”

#whumpedit #whump #echo3edit #echo 3 #alex bambi chesborough #bambi #luke evans #restrained #tied up #withdrawals #sweating #screaming #sick #my gifs #echo 3 spoilers

[figureskatingfanblog]

Good. He shouldn't have been sent to Europeans so it's about time.

#figure skating #2024 worlds #world figure skating championships #withdrawals

[swimminginyokohamasrivers]

2 days with no boy mommy milkers. Im getting withdrawals again...

#withdrawals #withdrawal #bsd dazai #bsd roleplay #dazai #roleplay #bsd

[neuromessy]

I wrote a poem about my addiction.

#xanax pills #my poetry #withdrawals #personal

[whumpster-dumpster]

Hi! Love your blog. I have a character who is experiencing alcohol withdrawal and is in a less than stellar environment. Although treating alcohol withdrawal is often taking it slow and possibly going to a hospital. My question is, would it be a treatment to drink alcohol to get rid of the symptoms? (Obviously this is bad if you want to stop the alcohol addiction, but would it be helpful to get rid of symptoms?)

Yes, alcohol could treat the symptoms of withdrawal by being back in their system but as their body has built a tolerance from drinking so often, over time they would need to drink more and more of it to get better levels of relief

#whump #drink #alcohol #answered ask #anonymous #withdrawals

[badbclub]

Ap3 being down for 20 hours is crazy I am having withdrawals I can't smell with my right foot and lost the ability to see in my pinky

#ao3 #a03 down #withdrawals #how am i supposed to live like this #get it together ao3

[ellanainthetardis]

Prompt : I offer you a prompt in the form of a plot twist: Haymitch is going into the arena with Katniss for the 75th games. No fake baby bomb for Katniss, but Effie tells him she's pregnant before he leaves

You know I HAD to do it. It’s too good to resist for long XD The title comes from the song “You” by Keaton Henson that kept popping up when I was writing it.

My Life’s Best Part

Effie’s staring at him, dumfounded, and Haymitch can’t help but think he should have listened to Chaff and not waited until the last moment to unload everything on her. But even now that he’s told her, he still doesn’t think it’s a good idea to tell her anything at all. He still doesn’t think…

“I wouldn’t have told you any of it.” he adds with a wince, turning away from her and crossing the short distance to the roof’s hip-high wall. They waited until the children came back down to sneak up there, to have their own moment – a moment that isn’t about desperately fucking each other in her room, too aware that it probably will be the last time. The roof is quiet outside of the distant clicking of the wind chimes she hang there a couple of years ago, the rush of the city spreading at their feet has long become background noise he barely even registers anymore. “If I had a choice I wouldn’t have told you any of it.”

None of the rebellion. None of the plan. None of it.

READ MORE on ff or HERE on AO3

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #prompt #quell #mj time #thg canon au #hayffie in the games #pregnancy #parents hayffie #live from the cells #torture #angst #angsting h #haymitch with feelings #withdrawals #protective haymitch #hbic effie #protective effie #coconuts friends

[99point9percentsurewhump]

Hero of the Underworld (2016) Pt 1 Pt 2 Movie LINK

#Hero of the Underworld #movie #addiction #withdrawals #sweaty #pain #deshirted #throwing up #sickness #sleeping

[figureskatingfanblog]

Amber Glenn has announced her withdrawal from Four Continents to focus on Worlds in anticipation of being named to the World Team.

Edit: Elyce Lin-Gracey has been confirmed as her replacement.

#figure skating #2024 4cc #2024 four continents #withdrawals #four continents championships #replacements

[itztlislost]

i quit my retail job

hey y'all, it has been months since I've been active. the last time i reposted something, tumblr immediately terminated my account. I was able to get it back after emailing customer service, which they apologized that it even happen because they don't even know why it happened. weird, but whatever.

anyways, I was inactive because my mental health was my priority. I cut of friends, stopped doing the things I liked and much more just to maintain a baseline of 'ok', which wasn't great considering my only interaction was people at my job of a cashier at a grocery store.

I ended up quitting when the workplace took a turn for the worst, both coworkers and management becoming toxic and I only had one work friend who kept their head on straight. I'm not going to say we never did anything wrong and that it was everyone else being assholes, that isnt true and I don't believe it was anyone but managements fault.

I'm not really sure what caused for this shift to happen, I was too focused on my own problems at the time before i eventually noticed. basically, everyone was in a bad mood, constantly. we all had problems with everyone and each other, we all wanted things and refused to compromise without complaints. The holiday season ended, hours were cut along with all this and management decided to play favorites. white employees got to keep their hours while the rest of us didn't even get the bare minimum of 20 hours, even if we were apart of the union. I know the managers have favorites, we all do, but they suddenly didn't care about being fair.

I was already fighting a losing battle with hr, all the while I was working 10 hour shifts three days into being of my 300ml Effexor and suffering the worst of my withdrawals at the customer service desk. I finally had a breakdown and meltdown, so bad I woke the next morning unable to speak or open my eyes because of the hours long of me screaming and sobbing the night before. do to how bad I was suffering, I called out sick and included all this information which i did not have to and shouldnt have. I genuinely care about my co workers and managers, I didnt want them to think I was faking being sick and I wanted them to know I had stuck it out for as long as I could all things considered. Instead of understanding, I got a huff in reply a dry 'are you sure? fine, ok'.

after that call I proceeded to spend the rest of the day and my days off screaming and crying while I waited for my doctor to fix whatever mistake set this off. that being said, it made me realize how little my work place cared. I built so many friendships with everyone at work that I tricked myself into thinking that this location and management could be any different than corporate or any other chain. Next day, I put in my two weeks and went to stay with my fiance while I got back on my meds.

I'm doing better now and figuring out a better path since I refuse to go back to working retail. the customers were actually the best part of the job imo, good and bad interactions alike. so yeah this was mainly a vent and also just a reminder to myself every time I come back here to remember how horrible that experience was. but hey, let it be a cautionary tale too i guess. Take your meds, call and make sure they get refilled a week or two before you're out bc trust me you may think they'll refill it fast but don't risk it. also retail sucks major doo doo, quit on the spot once you see any red flags. you're disposable to them, make them disposable to you.

#retail #customer service #toxic workplace #toxic work environment #mental health #mentalheathawareness #antidepressants #withdrawals

[thataltdisabledgirl]

Anyone got any tips on how to deal with the itchiness that comes with venlafaxine withdrawals. I'm struggling big time but I have to come off it for my therapy group. I'm literally scratching my skin raw

#personal #ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #borderline personality disorder #withdrawals #withdrawal #medication withdrawal #venlafaxine withdrawal #withdrawal symptoms

[tessansgp]

The United States’ Obligation to Medicaid, the Social Security Formula, checking in on Taxes [Video]

#WithdrawalRetirement #Withdrawals #SeniorsRetirementWithdrawals #UnitedStatesEarlyWithdrawalsRetirement #Withdrawal Retirement #Seniors Retirement Withdrawals #United States Early Withdrawals Retirement

[intomeisee]

01/30/23

finally decided Sunday morning (yesterday) that I am completely done smoking weed after 7 years

I used to smoke weed with grabba so unfortunately I am going through nicotine withdrawals too

I’m laying here with full body aches, headaches, dizziness, sweats and chills- this is so fucking hard

But there’s no turning back now

I’m doing this for my beautiful future self! I am putting my higher self first and consciously denying temporary pleasures so I can reach the depths of my soul

This will be worth it

This will be worth it

This will be worth it

Feel free to leave me some motivating words if you’d like! I’d love to connect with people on this journey as well!

💝

#weed #quitting weed #quitting nicotine #withdrawals #holy fuck this is hard #I can do this! #I am doing this #soooo much love