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#without knowing wtf was going on
callizinc · 2 months
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riz had his entire summer taken away from him by having to save the world AGAIN but he didn't even seem to mind because he loves adventure, and loves getting to spend time with his friends so much. riz enjoyed being forced to chase an eldritch creature for like 3 months and missing out on having a regular fun summer because he genuinely does not know how to relax and have fun, because all he knows How to do is work and save the world, yet still he just so enjoyed spending it with his friends because that's how much he loves them.
riz created a plan for how all his friends are gonna get into college, and his mom told him that that's great, but he has to take care of himself, too, but that just flies by his head because, and i cannot say this enough, he loves his friends so much. his mom might not even be able to afford his college but he's making that plan anyway. he even likes every single one of kristen's posts on her religious-based social media when like Nobody else does because his friends are his world. when siobhan said "riz, the goodest boy" this episode i really went. yeah. yeah. [a single solemn tear rolls down my face] Yeah he Is the goodest boy isn't he.
Anyway, completely unrelated thought, don't think about murph saying that riz in junior year starts to lose the idea that his friends in high school are going to stay his friends forever. and also don't think about how one of riz's greatest fears is his friends leaving him behind (specifically for romantic partners later in life that are more important to them than him). I'm sure this won't be relevant or come back at all ❤️
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whaliiwatching · 8 days
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pining queer people stylin
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trobeds · 6 months
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they shouldve done a community laser tag episode
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navigatorsghost · 4 months
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Writing hack: if you're getting stuck trying to do background worldbuilding, like you're filling in backstory for a character or designing a location or attempting to flesh out a culture or something in your setting, write it up as a fake Wikipedia page. That way, the bits you're fully stuck on can just be headings with a note saying "needs expansion" for now, the bits where you can't decide whether to make x or y be the truth can be written up both ways under a "Controversy" heading, the bits you do have plenty to say about can be splurged down without needing to reference the bits you're still stuck on.
For bonus points, have fun inventing imaginary sources, because once you've done that, you've got fictional books and learned authorities to throw into your actual story later if you need some random titles to stick on a bookshelf (or a place to hide a terrible pun like you're aspiring to be Sir Terry Pratchett, of course).
For even more bonus points, get carried away and start adding links to other pages and then write those too.
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fluffypotatey · 8 months
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
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(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
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(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
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AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
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SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
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^worried/protective Morgana
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^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
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look at them T^T compared to before
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their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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solarpunkani · 2 months
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Okay but wait actually
How long does a seed bomb stay viable after you make it?
I know a lot of the recipes for them call for water--or at least for wet clay/compost. If that gets the seeds wet in the process of making them, about how long do you have before the seed bombs become unusable (like because the seed started trying to germinate but couldn't get water?)
Like. My usual method of guerrilla gardening is 'bag of seeds I carry in my purse and yeet whenever feels right', which works if you're on a walk or something, but becomes significantly less efficient when you're in a car going at like 60 miles per hour and your target is at least 10 feet away from the far right lane of traffic.
I wanna get a general idea of how long I have to use a seed bomb after I make it. Is it a 'go out immediately' kinda deal, or do I have some time? If the seed gets wet once and then doesn't again for awhile, is there a germination risk or no? Does it depend on the seed?
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druidshollow · 3 months
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"what would your character be like without their trauma?" is such a hard question for me because it makes me feel like a massive asshole LMAO
(im attaching a picture of a tundra literally to add context to my ramble in the tags because my posts are structured by a sane person) (you should read the ramble in the tags i talk so much about rivers fsr)
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#like. rivers would probably just purpose funky things for the hell of it and study lizards and stuff#i think environmentalism would matter to him since he was created long before the great equalizer when there was like. actually a view#have you guys ever looked at a tundra for real theyre so pretty. i think the colours would be funkier though#purples and blues along with the reds and oranges i think but id have to draw it tio be sure its not ugly#anyways. rivers would probably be interested in nature conservation especially since the ancients destroyed the world-#but the iterators construction obviously had a massive part in that so hed feel ownership#him and glass wouldve got along VERY well in this circumstance since that matters a lot to her (specifically animal conservation though)#but at the same time glass doesnt exist without rivers trauma right. she cant exist if flowers isnt in his life because he Literally built#her (glass) just to be mean to rivers#doomed for real#i....... want them to be friends in the walky au. my massive block is trying to think of some reason nights Needs to leave his can because#he wouldnt if not required. and glass just wouldnt leave him. in no circumstance would they willingly separate from eachothers company#theyd ALSO need to be really fast because the only opportunity nights would get to get out is when odyssey goes to him to help her build#the weapon she needs to kill dune. (odyssey has the gift. the twins dont know anyone else who does((other than phrases obvsly)))#this happens a considerable amount of time after phrases and rivers escape. they have like. a month's time on them#odysseys like “if you guys are for real about leaving do NOT go straight south. dont. dont. dont. youre like 2 feet tall you WILL die”#nights is like “DEAR GOD SERIAL KILLERS??????” and glass is like “wtf youre only like a foot taller than us”#anyways i think glass and rivers would get along and rivers has a positive arc here right and realizes hes wrong and hes glad he didnt.#kill the twins. yeah its good you didnt do that dude#i jsut really really think theyd get along if rivers had the chance to associate her with anything but flowers horrid treatment of him#because in the normal story all he sees when he sees her is flowers. and like flowers could the twins can tap into his work and see his#files and logs and such whenever they wanted. they didnt do this very often- glass really never looked at rivers work unless she was told t#but rivers was just made SO paranoid by flowers abuse that thinking of being watched makes him feel sick and horrible#and his whole thing is trying to find a way to feel less horrible right so thats (part of) why he decides to get rid of them#hm. if rivers wassnt traumatized hed like nature and creatures. anyways#oc posting#look to the tags for the oc posting
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frevandrest · 6 months
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Why are Girondins so annoying?
Lmao, Robespierre, is that you?
Seriously, tho... Not sure why (if?) others find them annoying so I can't comment on that (I have some ideas, but I can't speak for others). Personally, I am not an expert on Girondins so I don't focus on them so much. I don't think they were "the best option" (not with the whole "protect propertyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!1111" shit that they had going on), and I disagree with a lot of stuff, though I do think some of them had some based takes.
But honestly? I am mostly annoyed at today's (mis)understanding of Girondins and flop takes that come with it. They are somehow remembered as these level-headed, "good" revolutionaries who want change but through democratic TM and not violent means... When they are the group who advocated for the fucking war that claimed hundreds of thousands of people (and also messy bitches who attacked their opponents - they were not somehow above that stuff).
Look. I love learning and researching frev. I like it even when the content is difficult or when I disagree with historical people. It's just so interesting to me. But I have a short patience for flop takes about frev that are just factually incorrect but try to sound profound (or, worse, like activism). Bad "feminist" takes are there, but also a lot of bullshit and misinformation about other things. Liking Girondins is often not about Girondins at all - it is about criticizing Montagnards, which is often based on incorrect info (biased Anglo takes, Thermidorian takes, horribly inaccurate online takes, etc.) If one wants to hate frev/Montagnards/Robespierre/whoever, be my guest, but at least be correct about it. Unfortunately, Girondins attract a lot of bad/incorrect takes precisely because of their reputation as "good" revolutionaries, which means people interpret them through today's lens, which in turn makes it very, very annoying to read.
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penandinkprincess · 2 years
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i will die on the hill that “the period talk” in school shouldn’t involve sending half of the class out of the room to go play on the playground as if it’s something they don’t also need to know anything about or have exposure to as a concept 
there’s no need to treat it like something secret or shameful when it’s a bodily function the same as sweating and the way it’s spoken of from an early age contributes so heavily to pre-teens (and teens and even adults) feeling SO fucking embarassed about it and having to obtain a pad from their friends like they’re sneaking fucking nuclear codes when it should be no different than asking for a tissue after sneezing
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pinkyjulien · 3 months
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Adressing the Dino Tattoo Fix situation that is already slipping into an unecessary drama for no reasons!
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This mod is a collab between me and @lokiina, who did the art
Dino's tattoo texture is cut and the mesh UVs aren't properly ligned to suit a shirtless appearance; this is why this mod exist, to create a more logical/accurate look for his tattoo.
Here's how it looks normally:
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You can notice the tattoo packed in our mod is different; Both the texture and mesh were edited, Lokii painted the tattoo and I created a new mesh that fits Dino's body and arms.
Using the custom tattoo from our mod on the original mesh gives this broken look, because the UVs doesn't match:
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This broken look is what I saw recently on someone's post; I did not notice it as first, helping OP in the post's replies and giving them pointers on how to fix Dino's mesh.
A second post came and that's where I picked it up, telling the OP that I would've prefered them asking before unbundling our mod (a mod that already fix what they're trying to fix) and using the texture for their own mod; which is ok, in the case of NPC+ (custom made Dino) for example!
Seeing more of OP's posts, I want to say;
Please let modders know when their mods potentially break!
Seeing someone taking it upon themselves to fix something you're not even aware broke doesn't feel good, especially when the mod works just fine actually!
The problem lies in a conflict with AMM now being packed with their own Dino tattoo fix:
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This mod is entirely different from Lokii and I's mod!
It does NOT include the same texture, nor the same mesh; using both mod WILL result in a wonky looking tattoo!
And it annoys me to already see people accusing us of "giving shit to someone who just wanted to fix a mod"
I'm more than glad to help anyone with their modding questions, or with feedback/bug reports; also happy to teach anyone who'd wish to try and fix the problem themselves! But at least let us know of the problem in the first place and ask us about potentially using the custom-made/fixed assets in your own mod.
Nobody is giving shit to anyone, this is just a big misunderstanding in a fandom that is too quick and excited to misinterpret and escalate any situation.
I'm only making this public post because this situation sadly is public and people already got their hands into it.
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vixenicks · 2 days
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the entire broadcast scene after jerome gets revived is so funny to me. he sounds so tired he's just saying words
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silentgrim · 1 month
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the fact that you have to thank someone for being nice these days because post pandemic aggression is overtaking
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bangcakes · 3 months
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#uh.... LOL so yada yada yada u know what im gonna talk about JDJDJD GOD HELP ME#i just realized........... that u know. usually on the 15th (bc timezones) im like super hype bc sjs birthday#but LMAO........ i so happen to be seeing.... my .... crusheroo on that day so Zjxjdjkdkdkd HOW LIFE CHANGES WOW#i didnt realize til i saw a bday (old) set of sj n i was like WAIT FUCK DID I MISS HIS BDAY. ONLY TO REALIZE. IT WAS THE SAME DAY....#hhhh but god. ya i did it. i survived a whole month without seeing him. but like bc we message or whatever occasionally (and my#frequent daydreaming lets be real) it didnt feel that long !!! wow !! proud !!@#like realistically i knew i could do it bc i went like. 4 months without seeing him JDJJDJDJDJD#god imagine. i spent the whole summer trying to get over him. only to see him 1 time n have everything come back#but WORSE. BC. RECIPROCATION?????????#god lmao. feel like im never gonna be over this. feel like i could even be married to him everyday n id be like WOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????#shits so weird idk. idk. im just NDJJDJDJDJD HOW DO WE GET TO THE NEXT STEP#BUT AT THE SAME TIME. I SHOULD GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. GOD ITS SO DJFJFKKFKDKDKDKKD#like this is what its like to really like someone huh. all those other crushes i had were like.... a 0 in comparison#like wtf is this. when everyone else had crushes and liked ppl is This what they meant. jfc#idk if i could go thru this again JDJDJJDJDJD. hope hes it. ya#id promise to save everyone n never talk about this again but we both know thats not gonna happen ANDNDNDNDND#personal
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yuridovewing · 5 months
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not to be full of it but i think making my own version of ivypool has endeared me to her a lot more. i feel like im 12 again. i needed to give that girl mommy issues and i needed to make her SPIRAL
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kangals · 1 year
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on one hand i do bemoan the fall from popularity for collies quite a lot because i think they are wonderful family dogs and more people should have them. but, i'm also equally grateful that they lack the popular appeal that would make them victim to terrible trendy breeding practices (i.e. wacky colors and XXL/tiny sizes and other hypertypes)
i feel similarly about greyhounds - the fact that (in the US) they have had such incredibly limited breeding outside of tracks has been good because it results in a very healthy, regulated population. but with the closures of tracks we're already seeing more and more non-sport, non-show breedings start popping up and i am very concerned about what a BYB greyhound population will have to deal with. but given that it's ether this, or the breed becomes incredibly limited... not really a good option either way.
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oscill4te · 6 months
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damn the family event i was supposed to go to today was canceled and it is bittersweet. Like I really didn't wanna go bc i am still not over everything, and seeing them always sets me back really bad. but damn, this family is so dysfunctional. everyone single family member just bailed or ghosted for different reasons. its kinda sad. I always feel as if I am the person who broke the family facade too. I bailed the last 2 years on this event too. so it is double ouch.
#gonna go uh. process things I guess.#like ;-; i was kinda hoping to see my sisters and aunt. moms okay. i mostly just didnt want to see my dad...#i scare my dad. he is scared of me. he turns all red and avoidant. i dont know why.#okay i do know why but its so complicated. he read through my diary when i was at work once#i fucking hate him for being such a control freak but i am just like him i guess#and lets just say; what he read probably has changed his view of me forever#i should be allowed to uncover repressed memories in privacy without family members reading it...#and i am allowed to have whatever pain i have about those things that happened...#i hate him for reading through my things#i am allowed to stumble and make mistakes and it was confirmed by my sister that it did happen so...#i am allowed to have feelings about it even if it is over reacting in others eyes and express it privately in my diary#i dont remember what i said in the note bc he took it. he wildly misinterpreted it too#he thinks i think he is a predator. no!!!! i dont think that!!!! im just hurt by weird things he has done#this stupid entry i wrote ruined our relationship but he shouldn't have read it#that note was only for me and potentially my therapist#and he never even talked to me about it. thats the worst thing. he sent my mom to talk to me about it#and he misinterpreted it so badly. bc theh both speak different languages and#the things my mom was telling me.. i was like.. i did not say those things... wtf#horrible game of telephone#txt
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