#without you fan fic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flowercrowngods · 1 year

Text

in which eddie is semi-nonverbal and steve notices despite eddie’s best efforts. cuddles ensue | 1.8k

They’re hanging out at Eddie’s, just the two of them, when Steve notices it for the first time. He’s not known as the most perceptive guy ever, but he’s actually rather good at these things. And he’s starting to get good at getting a feel for Eddie, too, even though it’s made harder by his dramatics and his flourishes and all those exaggerated gestures, mimics and mood swings. Eddie is fluent in all things sarcasm and drama, both of which Steve had issues reading in the beginning but is now pretty good with.

After fighting an interdimensional monster wizard creep, nearly dying a few times and spending time together almost every day because we stick together now, Steve knows Eddie.

He’s not sure if they’re friends, exactly, but that doesn’t really stop him from knowing all of his tones, his moods, and even most of his music these days. Steve just watches. Listens. Remembers. He’s shit at talking about himself much around anyone but Robin, but he always makes a point of knowing as much as he can about his friends. And Eddie.

Which is why the sudden strain in Eddie’s voice catches him off guard. It’s not the I didn’t get any sleep last night because all I can think of is how I almost died kinda strain. Nor is it the It’s 5pm and I haven’t eaten yet and I don’t want you to find out kind. Steve still makes sure to make them sandwiches as he listens to Eddie rambling off about something or other.

And that’s the thing. Steve listens. He always does, but Eddie is rambling. And he sounds almost miserable about it. The words don’t make sense, they lack their usual enthusiasm when Eddie talks DnD or music — which, he’s doing both? There’s no connection. And when Steve turns around, sandwiches secondary to that fucking strain in Eddie’s voice, he sees that his eyes are dull. The smile forced. And he keeps talking even though his tone indicates that he’s done.

Steve frowns slightly and watches Eddie, who’s walking mindlessly, aimlessly, pacing and stopping every few seconds, looking a little lost every time he does.

The thing is, there is no reason for Eddie to talk. No point to his words. No calculation in his movement, no burning off of excess energy, no kick in his step, no stomp for emphasis.

Steve notices. He sees. He listens. And thinking back, Eddie’s reaction time to just about anything Steve said today was either close to nothing, or very delayed.

It dawns on him then, as he looks Eddie up and down, noticing the fidgeting hands, the tense shoulders, the stiff grimace of a smile. It dawns on him because he knows this look, this behaviour. Not exactly like this, but close.

He has a hunch and hopes that whatever they have built over the past weeks is strong enough for Eddie not to freak out on him over this.

“Eddie,” Steve interrupts him, and it shouldn’t be this easy. It wouldn’t be, normally, but today Eddie just shuts up immediately, mouth closed, eyes on Steve.

“Yeah?” Four seconds. That’s how long that word took.

Steve hopes the expression on his face is kind, not patronising. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

Eddie blinks. Swallows. Two, three, four. “Do what, Steve?” And immediately he is defensive, taking on an act because maybe that’s makes this easier for him, but even his performance is strained.

“You don’t have to talk all the time,” he says, and only realises once the words have left his mouth that they sound wrong, like he’s annoyed with Eddie’s constant babbling and needs some silence. Which he doesn’t.

Eddie scoffs before he can take it back. He scoffs, spins in a circle and sighs deeply, expertly bridging the four seconds it takes him once again to open his mouth and speak.

“Oh, that’s new! That’s new, Harrington, I’ve never heard that one before. What’s next, you gonna call me a Freak? Maybe tell me the bands I listen to aren’t music? Really sorry, man, and I hate to break it to you, but if you wanna hang out with someone who doesn’t ‘have to talk all the time’, I’m not your man!”

Even the anger seems dull, the little speech far from what it could have been, like Eddie’s brain isn’t quite there, like it doesn’t work today, like the words just won’t come and decide to leave him hanging with his failed dramatics.

Still, Steve approaches him slowly, his hands raised in a placating motion. “That’s not what I meant, and I’m sorry it came out wrong, Eds. I don’t mind your talking, you gotta believe me. But…”

How does he say this next part, this next assumption, without accidentally insulting Eddie again? Without sounding like a complete and total jackass?

“You know El, right? The one with the superpowers?”

Eddie nods.

“Well, when she came to us, she could, like, barely talk. Her vocabulary wasn’t there yet, sure, but that’s not the only reason. And now she’s made wonderful progress and her vocabulary is pretty decent, but still she gets those days where she just… She can’t talk. Or won’t. Maybe both. Sometimes both, yeah. And on some days she will, like, force herself. But I can tell when she does because she’s miserable about it and it sounds like hard labour and she’s always on the verge of tears about it. And… I don’t know, Eds, but you kinda look a lot like her now, and even if you don’t, which is fine, sorry for bringing that up, but even if you don’t have days like that, just know that you don’t always have to talk, yeah? One way or another, there’s not a price you have to pay in stories or running commentary just to be part of the group. You could never talk ever again and we’d still stick together, yeah? That’s what I meant. Sorry if that’s a jackass kinda thing to say.”

Steve hates how he’s always out there fumbling for words and can never get them to sound right. Especially now, when he needs Eddie to understand. He always needs Eddie to understand. It’s a bit of an urge lately. He just wants him to feel safe.

It’s more than four seconds now, and Steve stops counting at ten, acutely aware of the silence this time. He lets Eddie have his silence, though, leaves him room inside it.

“That’s not a jackass kinda thing to say, Steve Harrington,” Eddie says, and Steve swears he has never heard his voice in such a quiet, vulnerable tone. The quiet always helps El, too. Make all those words she can’t say a little less loud and imposing, make it all a little more okay. Not so scary.

“Good,” Steve whispers, and maybe that’s one step too far, but Eddie sags a little bit and for a moment Steve fears that he’s about to sway forward. Not that he wouldn’t catch Eddie.

“What do… How. Do you help El through it?” Small, vulnerable, confused, and Steve heart breaks a little for him.

“I do,” he says, equally quiet, smile on his face. “We always lie down somewhere because you only have to talk when you sit or stand, right? Lying down, no one can make you talk. So we lie down, she’s usually resting on top of me, and either I talk to her about, well… Anything, really. Or I shut up. Sometimes there’s music. Really, there’s many ways to get through it, but the main two things are lying down and not talking on her part, y’know?”

And the way Eddie looks at him makes Steve think that maybe they are friends, because you don’t let just anyone see you this vulnerable. You don’t look at just anyone with your big brown doe eyes like they’re opening a whole new world for you.

“Sounds great,” he croaks and that tension is back in his shoulders, so obvious that Steve wants to reach out and massage it away.

He smiles and searches Eddie’s eyes, absolutely sure of the situation now, and maybe having a cure for it. “Eddie Munson, would you like to go lie down and not talk for a while?”

Eddie stares at him as though he’s calculating the risk, as though he’s weighing his options. He could still tell Steve to go and he’d be out of here in a heartbeat if being alone is what Eddie really needs. But then he nods.

“I think maybe I do, yeah.”

“With El, I only ask her yes or no questions. You can just nod or shake your head. Okay? Don’t know if that works for you but, well, we can find out I guess. Yeah?”

Eddie nods, and Steve smiles. He goes to the kitchen area to grab the sandwiches he made earlier and then lands back right before Eddie, smile still in place.

“Not to be weird or anything, but I think this might work best on your bed. Is that okay for you? If that’s not okay, we can just lie down on the couch.”

Eddie looks back to his room, then back at Steve. He nods.

“Your bed?” Steve asks again just to make sure, and Eddie nods again.

And this is how they find themselves lying on Eddie’s bed, Eddie’s head resting on Steve’s chest. His fingers find their way into the metalhead’s locks at some point and Eddie purrs, which makes Steve laugh for a moment. He doesn’t take his hand away, though.

Steve doesn’t talk like he does with El sometimes. With Eddie, he just basks in the silence and lets the other boy soak up as much of it as he needs. There’s a smile on his lips the whole time, and he didn’t think he could smile so much around Eddie Munson, especially on one of his bad days.

But he does.

They even fall asleep like that, Eddie lying on top of Steve, cuddling into him. Steve lets him. Even the next morning when they’re both awake but not willing to break the silence yet even though Eddie looks much better already, he doesn’t make any moves to get away from Steve. He stays there, head on his chest as they both just bask in the moment.

Bask in the company.

Bask on the threshold of something just to the right of friendship. Something more.

#steddie #steddie fic #stranger things #steve x eddie #eddie x steve #i have to stop writing shit late at night it’s almost 4am send help #all those writers who write wonderfully short stories that give me all the emotions without useless words?? rip to you but i’m different 😔#(that’s me saying i wish i could be brief but what was meant to be a drabble is now 1.8k words and ugh. why am i like this)#dio words #this fic contains a lot of words for a nonverbal fic I’m such a fake fan huh #is the entire beginning of this just me projecting and could i easily cut it and have the fic be better? yes. but i don’t write to be good #i write to be a little less insane. we’re not winning yet girlies #i should read this before posting but frankly it’s almost 4am i am barely awake

218 notes · View notes

izzystizzys · 5 days

Text

obsessed with the izzy vs everyone height difference, but esp steddyhands coded

like. izzy, who‘s still so deeply caught in fighting all these battles against parts of him the world deems unworthy. for whom his stature and bearing were hardwon battles fought over years, who can’t shake the echo of bigger, stronger men always zeroing in on him as the easy target - for any number of things, height, weight, voice, a thousand others - and who’s always fought these battles violently and relentlessly

and the only person he’s ever had anything approximating positive feelings about being bigger than him was ed, who used to say it was cute the way he could wrap himself around all of izzy and then some, and rest his chin atop his head to annoy him out of doing work, and who stopped touching him at all somewhere along the line (they’re working on that, these days)

who has all of this rushing in to bite him squarely in the ass when he finds himself one day dragged away and hefted up into stede bonnet’s toned???? arms away from a barfight, mind suddenly empty and frozen mid-calling someone a cunt, just.

well, ed used to do stuff like this, sometimes, before he fucked his knee. stuff that never failed to get izzy’s blood pumping and them both nearly stabbed with distraction, and stede fucking bonnet, gentleman pirate is quite frankly the last person izzy thought he’d be having this second revelation with this late in life, is all

but. oh. he’s staring up at the ponce, going on about something or other how smashing bottles over people’s heads isn’t a civilized way of solving disputes, and if izzy was thinking clearly he might say that it’s a sight more civilized than gutting them which he might’ve done instead, but is he ever not

because he’s been summarily deposited on the small brick wall outside, and bonnet is looming over him with both hands braced either side of izzy’s hips, and his brain is receiving exactly none of the words stede is sending, cause-

well. apparently he really fucking likes this

#steddyhands #kind of stizzy #a bit of edizzy but mostly in a failmarriage way #stede when he realizes there‘s nothing behind izzy‘s eyes but blown pupils and a gaping void: are you even listening to me izzy???#izzy: hm #but once he realizes he becomes absolutely unhinged with it #just all broad palm fanned out fingers against the small of izzy‘s back tilting him gently into his grip with warm fingers around his chin #just leaning over him breathing down his neck letting him feel the breadth of his chest against his shoulders type shit #ed misses out on the weird tension for precisely three days before he catches the way stede always steps too close making izzy tilt his head #back up to look at him and thinks to intervene #‘thats nice’ stede says sweating ‘but uh i promise he’s… into it?’#izzy in the corner is having a religious experience and currently ten astral planes removed judging by how hard he’s blushing #ed goes huh. he lets someone else do that? he likes stede throwing him around?#and is instantly and unreasonably jealous of this but unable to do anything without looking insanse but up the ante #izzy caught in the middle is having an insanely and embarrassingly good time #ofmd fic idea #back at it again (shouting my insane takes into the void)

12 notes · View notes

arsenicflame · 1 year

Text

i am once again asking that you stop making Izzy being loved contingent on him fundamentally changing who he is

#i am returning to be mad about this again #no 1 reason ill click off a fic honestly. hes completely changed and /now/ you like him? i hate to break it to u but u dont like izzy then #to reiterate the sentiment from the previous post: i want someone to look at him and say 'no notes'#i do love edizzy but realistically. i cannot see it ever working thats why i love cjizzy or bellhands (etc) so so much it opens the doors #for someone to love him for who he is. for his prickly self. for not being 'palatable' or whatever #(to also reiterate from the prev post. he has areas he could improve! but none that make him unlovable as he is)#nyxtalks #ofmd #izzy hands #israel hands #cjizzy #bellhands #please insert another izzy ship of your choice those r just the most popular ones that fit this vibe #(its also why the one (maybe only) izzy ship i dont really gel with is Lucius. because personally i cant see them ever getting to liking #each other without some fundamental changes. idk maybe theres room if the fan theory that lucius is still on the ship is true)

93 notes · View notes

every-aj-needs-an-angel · 1 year

Text

slight au where team russia worked a little faster and eddie and max make it out scathed but alive, unlike vecna who finally got his comeuppance

eddie and steve have an unnamed thing in the months after eddie gets out of the hospital but without an earthquake wrecking hawkins, eyes are everywhere and rumours are hard to kill in a small town and eddie's sick of the way they're all being treated. he thinks it's all because of him, thinks it'll fix everything if he's not around, thinks steve deserves to find his wife and have his nuggets.

so eddie runs away in the middle of the night, just leaves a note for wayne with a promise to call and hitchhikes to cali with his guitar and not much more than the clothes on his back. he works hard and makes it big with his band, they win awards, sell out arenas, front magazine covers but eddie just takes it day by day. time passes without him really recognising its passing, just going from one gig to the next. another town, another state, another country. they've travelled the whole world by now and although his bandmates make a big deal out of birthday's, another trip around the sun eddie! whenever he thinks of home, everything and everyone are just as he left them.

it's the late nineties, eddie and wayne sitting on opposite ends of a phone line having their monthly catch-up when wayne casually mentions that he's going to a divorce party on the weekend. eddie laughs cos parties aren't exactly wayne's scene to start with, but eddie misses small town drama so he asks who at the plant got divorced? and wtf is a divorce party anyway?

and wayne knows he's fumbled the ball in a big way but all he can do at this point is just explain and eddie's sorry but... what?!

steve's getting a divorce! eddie's steve? eddie didn't even know he'd got married! he knows The Party are still close and that when eddie had been dragged into their weird little group, wayne had too. he knows that they keep a good eye on wayne, that he's still one of them.

and wayne was true to his word with not updating eddie on their lives because he knows if he'd heard any of it he'd've come running home immediately but wayne's getting on in years and this little bit of info just sort've slipped out.

so now, guess what? eddie's booking himself a flight because how can he miss this now that he knows it's happening?

so steve's getting drunk surrounded by all the people who love him. he and tina ended things amicably enough, she fell in love with robin and what was steve supposed to do? he could hardly blame her! tina and robin despised each other, had from the moment steve introduced them but robin was going through some work stuff and she'd needed a break. so steve had twisted her arm and she'd come to stay for a month and well, shit happens! they hadn't crossed any boundaries, robin wouldn't ever do that to him but the mother of your kids being in love with your best friend kinda puts the kibosh on your marriage.

it was dustin's idea, the party, he thinks steve needs cheering up, which he probably does because he'd had everything he'd always dreamed of and now his life's in a shambles for the second time even though he's only in his early thirties. except eddie, blast from the past, love of steve's life, took steve two solid years to get over him, steve's eddie, showing up unannounced (because gatecrashing is just eddie's way of not having to deal with all the nerves he's been feeling since he stepped into lax) kills the party.

everyone's furious! steve's drunk, thinks eddie's an hallucination but dustin takes a swing at eddie, which is sobering to say the least. hop's yelling, wants to drag eddie outside "i just wanna talk, i swear!" luckily for eddie, joyce and murray know him better than that. max is ripping him to shreds, erica's hyping her up and no-one is brave or stupid enough to get in their way.

and eddie's only just now registering that it might've been a terrible idea to just drop in on people you trauma bonded with and then abandoned over a decade ago and wayne's trying to gauge whether he needs to get his nephew the hell outta there or whether it's best to just let it play out and steve might be hammered and in a state of shock and eddie might deserve everything max is saying but he just can't stand there and let it happen.

so steve grabs eddie by the wrist and drags him outside and no-one follows because they all think it's fair that steve gets first crack at him. except steve isn't all that angry, he might be tomorrow, but right now he just tugs eddie into his chest and wraps himself tightly around him.

there's a thousand questions they both want to ask, things they definitely should be talking about but eddie just melts in the circle of steve's arms. he's forgotten why he ever left this space, where he can feel steve's heartbeat and smell the cologne that he still wears and that underlying something that's just steve. then steve squeezes him tighter and sighs so heavily it seems the whole world is on his shoulders and all eddie wants to do is drop everything and help him carry it.

"wayne let slip, huh?" steve says instead of something normal like hello.

"he didn't mean to," eddie defends even though he knows he doesn't need to. he'd seen the hug they’d shared before he'd waltzed in, even though they're all older than eddie thought possible, nothing about The Party has changed.

"sorry about your party," eddie mutters. he does feel bad for ruining their good time, he doesn't know now why he thought he could just pick up where he left off. steve just shrugs, huffs a laugh into eddie's hair

"you're a much better surprise than the strippers they’d booked for me anyway," steve admits. and eddie can't help himself he starts to laugh, it starts off with jiggling shoulders and escalates until there's tears running freely down his face. it wasn't even that funny, the absurdity of this situation isn't even that funny, it's all just... it's a lot.

"jesus h christ! i've missed you," eddie says when he's calmed down enough to speak.

"i missed you, too," steve confesses with such a raw honesty it gives eddie pause, makes him pull his head away from steve just enough to see his face.

"really?" eddie's a little awestruck but he tries to keep his voice level, he fails miserably.

"yes, really! what you thought you'd disappear and we'd all just, what? forget about you?" steve scoffs, looks into eddie's eyes, really looks and then rolls his own "oh my god! you did, didn't you? you're unbelievable, eddie munson! why'd you think the kids are so mad with you?" steve asks remarkably calm. must be a dad thing, eddie thinks because the lump in his throat prevents him from speaking, he can only shrug, "because they love you, you idiot! and you abandoned them but they still love you. dustin waited for two hours outside your indy concert before realising he was waiting outside the wrong door and that you'd already gone. poor kid was a mess for a week!" steve sighs heavily, cups eddie's face, wipes away the fresh tears falling down eddie's cheeks with his thumbs.

"you're not mad," eddie croaks almost accusatory, misery filling him because the one person he wants to love him, the one person he's never stopped loving, is holding him, yes, but thinking about it eddie would've been happier with the fury dustin had shown him because dustin's mad because he loves eddie but steve isn't mad at all.

steve smiles, tired and a little soppy, kisses eddie on the forehead and pulls him back against his chest.

"not yet, but i've no doubt in the morning i'm gonna be livid. you better still be here to see it!" and it's the first time there's been anything warning in steve's tone, it makes eddie hold him tighter.

"i'll be here," he promises. eddie's tucked so closely into steve's chest he doesn't hear his uncle approach, doesn't see the smile he and steve share over eddie's head. wayne knew eddie was safe out here with steve but The Party's getting antsy.

"time to face the music, boy," wayne can't fight his grin when eddie turns in steve's hold, like he used to when they were young and eager to head to bed and wayne would say "those dishes won't wash themselves" and eddie would huff and fuss from the confines of steve's embrace, being dramatic for the sake of it. other than a change in hairstyle and a few new lines on their faces, wayne doesn't see any difference.

eddie grins when he realises that steve is equally reluctant to let go, propping his head on eddie's shoulder and holding him close, they both make puppy dog eyes at wayne, except wayne isn't about to cave like he would with the dishes. his friends are furious but they love him and they're worried that steve's murdered eddie already.

except wayne knows there's no safer place for his boy to be. steve's spent many a night in wayne's trailer, reading through articles, watching award ceremonies, listening to the albums eddie sent to wayne. sleeping in eddie's old bed, both when eddie first left and even more so recently, not that either of them have mentioned that to the others. it's a secret exclusively for the two people in the world who love eddie munson the most.

wayne gives eddie a pointed look and eddie sighs, nods to himself, he can do this. these people love him deep down, even if they don't like him very much right now.

"ready, big boy," eddie teases waggling his eyebrows at steve, who laughs and calls him an idiot affectionately. eddie classes it as a win. steve gives him one last squeeze, reluctantly letting go as the three of them head back inside but steve's hand never quite leaving the small of eddie's back (even when dustin tearfully tackles eddie into a bearhug) might be the best thing he ever could've hoped for.

and eddie thinks that maybe, just this once, his inability to fight his impulse control might've finally worked in his favour.

54 notes · View notes

good-beanswrites · 3 months

Note

sorryf im being mentally ill about hallucination event right now SO in the LCSyS au, would there be something like it :o? Like after all of it's over or something, how crazy would it be if Jackalope tried to get them all together just to do one last concert?

Never apologize for being mentally ill about Milgram content 😌👍 We are all in it together 😔👍I'm combining this answer with a reply to @kikithedeceiver (and spiraling out of control from both)

I've had a lot of ideas about the project being public in LCSyS, but was holding off including it for few reasons – the audience’s voices would conflict with Es as their own character. Knowing the public was watching would change the way the prisoners acted (even if they thought they were acting natural). It’s a long time that the families would have to deal with the public knowing about their loved one’s almost-crime. I also like the idea of this au ending with the prisoners returning to very normal lives.

Buuuuut it is such a fun idea, and popularity seems an essential part of an actors au. So, I’m not naming this as canon, but here’s a pitch if you liked that idea and wanted to run with it :3

The team doesn’t tell the participants that they’ve been recording/collecting certain material to release. If a translation is left out by accident, the prisoners just assume it’s for a foreign team member – they have no idea how close/far Milgram reaches.

The third trial begins. The prisoners are inside the prison, and on the final stretch of the trials. On the outside, Jackalope contacts families for signatures to release the material publicly. The team thought about censoring names and things, but seeing current fans’ investigation skills, they knew it was a matter of time before they put pieces together anyway. This may be super illegal but for the sake of the story I’ll say that family consent is enough lmao.

Some of them are easy to convince to sign off on everything, since it can raise awareness for their loved one’s struggles. Muu’s family takes the longest, as it would risk ruining their reputation. (They’re only swayed because it truly is a great opportunity to show off Muu’s talents for those modeling scouts, and she didn’t actually kill anyone in the end.) Kazui’s family refuses to release his info, but Hinako uses sway with her marital status to sign off instead (I pictured things happening fast enough where she hasn’t gotten an official divorce yet). Hinako still struggles with what he did, but she thinks he’s doing something incredibly brave now. I’m not 100% sure what’s going through Amane’s father’s mind, but if the murder really was in line with the cult’s beliefs, maybe he believes that Amane will be be a shining representation of their religion. He wants to show her off as their little golden child.

The experiment is published in its current form: music videos, voice dramas, timeline conversations, interrogation questions, etc. It’s brought to more than just science/psychology circles, though. Jackalope has no shame in marketing it as entertainment, hence the stockholders mentioned. He assures the sociologists that this will be a major breakthrough for them. He tells music labels he's got the new hit thing for them. He leans into the excitement of releases and merchandise in the hopes of gaining attention for the experiment. Needless to say, it works. Even though the audience has no sway over Es’ decisions, they are encouraged to make decisions for themselves on what they would judge each prisoner. There’s the same types of theory/analysis/discourse posts passed around.

When the trials end, the prisoners are released into the world to find they’re famous. Instead of trudging back to their lives feeling that society hates them, they find tons of adoring fans telling them how much they understand and forgive them. Even if their final verdict was guilty, they have hundreds of voices assuring them that they are loved. That they are not alone. This attention really helps Haruka, Amane, (and maybe Es) who don’t have a good home to go back to. Not only can they reenter society, they are welcomed with open arms. They are looked after and showered in love. Some of the adults realize they want to use this popularity to lead the charge of social change. They create/support projects meant to help people who are facing their struggles.

And of course, there’s the other type of fame as well. Yuno loves answering fanmail and turning her karaoke hobby into a music career. Kazui goes from a life of feeling rejected and disgusting to scrolling through comments upon comments of men oogling him. Mahiru gets offers from fashion magazines and blogs to write up sections about self-love. Amane gets to live out her dream of being a performer, hinted at in her first two mvs. Fuuta is flustered by all the positive attention his appearance/voice is getting. Mikoto… well, I just wish him luck when he opens tiktok…

Which brings us to the live event! The prisoners have tried to keep in touch while adjusting to their new lives as almost-murderers-turned-idols. They’re amazed at how well-recieved the trial songs were. Those were some of their most personal, shameful secrets, and people relate to them? People love singing them?? People want a concert featuring them??? Jackalope encourages them to get together for one last encore. Some are thrilled with the opportunity, others are still nervous about the whole thing. Some think it’s in poor taste, that Jackalope is milking them for entertainment. But with a bit of conversing amongst themselves, they realize they all want a chance to sing like that again, and see each other in one place again. (It’s ironic because in my head Mahiru is the one to convince everyone to come ;--;)

It’s strange putting on the uniforms again. Es is unsure about putting on their guard’s cloak. But the minute they stop onstage, they’re met with wild applause. They can sing their fears and dreams to a huge crowd and see in real time how it’s reaching others. They hear the cheers after each song. They hear that it’s streamed all over the world. All of them have an absolute blast, and pour their heart and soul into their performances.

#milgram #lights camera sing your sins #thank you both for the comments!#its not the direction i want for the fic but its SUCH a fun direction 😭#as you can see from the annoyingly long post ive already had a lot of ideas for it asdfsdf #so many of the prisoners struggle with lack of love/attention -- so introducing them to the current fans who with shower them in adoration #always makes me happy to think about #those who feel undesirable see their faces on merch and people who try to mimic them #those who feel unlovable hear their name chanted when they enter the room #and mug i know that technically they could have a concert without everything being public but i tried to keep it accurate to the real event #and yes -- fuuta does put on an eyepatch on a whim halfway through 😂

18 notes · View notes

aboveweirdest · 12 days

Text

Types of Fic Writers Based on Where You Write Your Shit:

Google Docs/Word/any word processor: lawful good vibes. You may not be organized per say, but you have a way of doing things and you're pretty set in it. I love you. All Hail Fic Writers

On your phone, specifically any Notes app: chaotic neutral vibes. You do what you want when you want it. No matter how feral the idea, you will write it down, consequences be dammed. I am scared of you. I respect you. How tf do you do that? Stay away from me, but give me your secrets

Directly into the AO3 editor: lawful evil. Yes that's technically what it's for but, god, the horror. How could you? What are you? Do you twist all rules to your benefit or can you simply not be bothered with convention? I fear the day you are unleashed upon the world. Yet we continue to send you offerings (kudos) in return for your blessings (fics)

#fanfic #ao3 #fan fiction #fan fic writing #all in good fun #i love you all #my world would crumble without fan fic #yall are stronger than the marines #writing shit that should be novels #in both quality and length #thank you fic writers 💕💕

9 notes · View notes

soubi122 · 1 year

Text

A Life With and Without You - Part 2

All, this was a little thing that wouldn't leave my brain when I was drafting part 1. This is taking place after Y/N left Tokyo. I hope you enjoy!

Minor Warnings - just fluff, a little crack, teeth rotting sweetness between Mikey, Koko and Y/N. language, Pregnancy, graphic descriptions of ultrasounds, mentions of miscarriage, one time drug use, noncon baby naming, a dash of angst but over all comforting. No smut.

After clearing out your apartment and settling in the new place, you were still struggling with trying to move on without Sanzu. Fragments of that night were playing over and over in your head. You were losing color in your skin, not eating properly and stressing out about taking time off of work. Though Kokonoi and Mikey were taking care of you, you still felt worried about it all - how would you be able to repay them for their kindness?

***eight weeks later***

You were in your apartment with Mikey and Kokonoi, it was their weekly visit. Being alone all the time was hard, especially when you have nothing but your own thoughts weighing you down. Sitting on the couch between them became normal, it was like each person’s brain was on autopilot and everyone assumed the same positions for each visit. You and Kokonoi were job hunting and Mikey - well he was just being Mikey. “Princess, you need to start taking better care of yourself, you are starting to look like a stray.” Kokonoi exhaled and rubbed your back. “I know, I just can’t seem to keep some of the food down lately. I might just have the flu or something.” You responded with a weak smile. Alarm bells went off in their heads. Mikey immediately pressed his forehead against yours to check your temperature, his actions made you blush and you felt your face heat up. “M-Mikey…what are you-” You were cut off by him shushing you. “I’m checking for a fever. We don’t want you to go through that again.” His words were sincere. They were both traumatized from that night you almost died. To think that if they weren’t there to help you, you really wouldn’t be here today. “We’ll sleep over tonight and keep an eye on you.” Kokonoi said as he leaned his head on your shoulders. “Heh…you guys are treating me like a baby.” You giggled and just accepted your fate tonight.

They ordered take out and were constantly checking your temperature, making sure you weren’t getting a fever of any sort. Right before you three were getting ready to go to bed, Kokonoi’s phone went off - it was a phone call. Mikey noticed the frown on his face when he saw who the caller was. “Everything ok?” You asked innocently as you walked over to him - but were stopped by Mikey when he wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up. You squeaked as it caught you by surprise. Kokonoi answered the call as he was stepping into the bathroom, “Yes?” His tone was as usual, he didn’t want you to know who was on the end of the call. “Where’s Mikey, I need to discuss-” Sanzu began but stopped when he heard a loud scream and giggle from the end of the line. “Mikey stop! I’m gonna piss myself if you keep making me laugh!” In the bedroom, you were being pinned down by Mikey and he kept poking your ribs and making you laugh non stop to keep you distracted. Unfortunately, he did not count on you screaming when he hit a particular spot on your ribs. “What the hell was that?” Sanzu asked as he was thrown completely off guard by the sudden noise. Especially when it was the sound of a woman.

Kokonoi coughed and cleared his throat - “Mikey’s busy, what is it you need to discuss?” He knew Sanzu was going to call bullshit on his explanation but decided to go with it anyway. “Who are you with?” Sanzu’s next question was more of an interrogative question, the voice of the woman sounded…familiar? “He’s with my escort, she needed to be entertained while I took your call…now if you’ll excuse us - we have a pussy that needs to be fucked.” Kokonoi ended the call and pinched the bridge of his nose, he felt so out of character by saying that out loud. But if it was for your sake then he’d gladly sound like a sleaze ball. When he stepped out of the bathroom and made his way to your bedroom, he was not prepared for the scene in front of him. You were on the bed, underneath Mikey and kicking your feet - he was sitting on top of you. “What the hell is going on?” Kokonoi asked as he stood by the doorway. Both you and Mikey froze and looked over at the confused look on Koko’s face, what followed was you bucking your hips, rolling Mikey off of you and running to the bathroom screaming, “I NEED TO PEE!” While in the bathroom, Kokonoi informed Mikey that Sanzu overheard the scream - so they had to get their stories straight when they go back to Tokyo tomorrow morning. “You actually said that?” Mikey snickered as he poked fun at Kokonoi for his response to Sanzu. Even he knew Sanzu wasn’t that stupid to fall for that.

Finally, you were in bed and sleeping. Both Mikey and Kokonoi settled on the couches and you in your room. Within hours you woke up sweating and feeling nauseous, you rolled over to your side to try and get comfortable but the nausea was overwhelming you. You didn’t want to wake them by your gags and tried your best to hold out but the moment you tasted metal in your mouth - you ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. This made both men in the living room bolt up, they were struggling to understand what the hell just happened. “Princess, are you ok?” Kokonoi asked as he tried opening the bathroom door but it was locked. What followed were sounds of you gagging and throwing up. “I’m ok, I think it’s just-” You were responding when another gag cut you off. “Food poisoning…” They exhaled in relief, they were worried that it was something serious. When your nausea subsided, you washed up and brushed your teeth - the taste of metal still lingered on your tongue.

When you opened the door, you could see a sleepy Manjiro and a fully alert Kokonoi. You felt terrible for waking them up. “I'm sorry for waking you guys up.” You say softly while looking down at your feet. They only shook their heads and guided you back to your room. As you sat at the edge of your bed, you clutched their arms as they began to walk away. “Stay with me…” It was almost a whisper. “...we will.” Mikey responded and began to take the left side of your bed, leaving you in the middle and Kokonoi to the right side. You felt so small between them. The distance was slowly closing between you three throughout the night, they wrapped their arms around you and laid perfectly still to not wake you. When you were in deep sleep, Koko whispered “How could he be so blind?” He didn't expect a response from Mikey as he thought he too was asleep. “Dunno…but I think she's ours now.” This was probably the first night in weeks since you've been able to actually sleep.

Soft sunlight trickled through the blinds as you rolled over and felt something cold, hard and flat. You jolted up and realized you were on the floor. What the…? You think to yourself as you get up and see Kokonoi almost hanging at the edge of the bed and Mikey practically pushing him off the edge. You must have rolled over him in your sleep due to Mikey pushing you in his sleep. How Koko didn't wake up - who knows? Gently you tried rolling Mikey to the opposite side of the bed, for someone so strong and feared, he looked so innocent and docile in his sleep. You adored them both. Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead you put the covers over him. You walked to the other side and gently nudged Kokonoi back to bed and also placed a gentle on his forehead.

Taking refuge on the couch, you began reading and continuing your job search. A few hours went by and you heard a thud followed by a groan. You could only guess who was on the floor. When you got up to check, poor Kokonoi was on the floor dazed and confused. “Good morning handsome…” Your soft giggle made him turn around. “Princess? What are you doing up?” He asked as he got up from off the floor. “I too was kicked off my bed.” Koko turns around and sees Mikey pretty much on the edge and cocks his eyebrow. “Tell me you're joking…” He exhales in disbelief. You hum and shake your head. Manjiro was soon met with a pillow over his face as Kokonoi began to smother him. This woke up Mikey and he was so out of it that he forgot where he was. “Good morning Manjiro.” You say softly as he finally comes to. “Angel?” He looked like a toddler, his hair was a mess and his sleepy face was just too adorable. Something about the site in front of you had you feeling…overwhelmed? Tears started to cloud your vision, both Mikey and Kokonoi rushed to you. “Hey, hey princess? What’s wrong?” You were met with embraces and worried expressions. The tears wouldn’t stop, you were feeling so emotional for no reason.

“I-I don’t know, I just felt so happy…” You laugh and cry at the same time. It was alarming to see this from you. “I’m sorry I pushed you off the bed angel, don’t cry.” Mikey’s honeyed tone made you cry even more. “You’re making her cry even more!” Kokonoi said as he pulled you into his chest. “I’m ok. I promise, it was just so…so…cute!” You began laughing and bawling your eyes out. The two men didn’t know what to do or how to comfort you. They thought they did something wrong but it was just you feeling emotional all of a sudden. After a good 7 minutes of you crying, you were finally able to calm down. “What was that all about?” Mikey whispers over to Kokonoi when you go to blow your nose. “I don’t know but this isn’t normal.” He responded while searching on his laptop for any explanation. What popped up were a variety of things that were making his heart sink. The moment you walked back into the living room, he shut his laptop closed immediately and made you freeze. He looked petrified. “Koko…?” What the hell was going on? Were they watching porn or something?

Kokonoi calmly set his laptop down on the coffee table and walked over to you. The solemn look on his face made you take a step back. “Koko?” Mikey asks as he gets on his feet. What followed was something neither you or Mikey were prepared for. Kokonoi’s hand flew to your chest and he lightly squeezed one of your breasts, earning a yelp from you and a shove from Mikey. “What the fuck are you doing?!” He was ready to deck Kokonoi in the face when Kokonoi threw his hands up. “SHE’S PREGNANT!” It was almost as if you could hear the record scratch and everything got quiet. There was no way you were pregnant, you just had your period…when? “(Y/N), your breasts are swollen and tender, right? You’ve been nauseous, haven’t been eating, and you haven’t gotten your monthly gift. And now this? The sudden moodswing?” He was hitting the nail on the head with each word. “I can’t…I mean I thought my period was late due to the stress and the fever but…” Your words trailed off when you recall not taking your medication properly the last few weeks before your fallout with Sanzu. You were coming home late - that, and he always managed to knock you out after every night between the sheets. Not to mention the anxiety that bubbled up from your confession made everything else go out the window. Your panicked expression was enough for Kokonoi to confirm that he was right. “You need to take a test or see a doctor-” Kokonoi began but was cut off by Mikey. “What monthly gift?” He was really one of Japan’s most feared and brutal gang leaders and yet his innocence or immature curiosity was still intact.

(side note, can you imagine this face when Mikey asked about the monthly gift?? 😂)

(Anyways back to our regularly scheduled program...)

You were scared, how the hell were you supposed to take care of yourself and a child? The financial support from Kokonoi was enough to support you and you alone. The sudden realization made you sink down into the floor, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. ��Princess, I’ll take you if needed but we need to know for sure.” You couldn’t really wrap your head around the thought of being pregnant, there was no way…right?

Kokonoi spent the morning looking for clinics that would take walk-ins. He sent Mikey out to the konbini to see if he could get an at home test for the meanwhile. What only should have taken him 15 minutes turned into 45 minutes. When he finally came back to your apartment his knuckles were bruised and he had someone else’s blood on his hands. “Mikey! What happened, are you ok?” You ran up to him and were examining his hands. The hormones were making you extra sensitive and emotional. You began crying again and kept apologizing for making him go out and run into rivals. “Angel, you know this is what we do…why are you act-” Mikey was cut off by Kokonoi nudging him as if telling him to ‘shut up’. Yes, you knew exactly what they did for a living and you knew that they could run into rivals/enemies at any given moment, but the hormones were just not allowing your brain to process that logic.

Kokonoi took the test out of the package and began reading the instructions with you, he wanted to make sure that it was done correctly - this was some serious shit. “Ok princess, you know what to do - lay it flat down and we’ll start the timer.” When the bathroom door closed, you began to feel nauseous from the amount of anxiety and panic rushing through you. From the other end of the bathroom Kokonoi and Mikey were waiting for your signal to start the timer. “Ok, start the timer…” You say as you wash your hands and open the door. Everything was quiet as you three sat on the floor outside of the bathroom - they were both leaning their heads on your shoulders and holding your hands. It felt like you three were afraid of the test itself, as if it was some sort of contagious thing that you didn’t want to touch or even be near of. You were grateful that they stayed the night, if you had to do this alone, you weren’t sure how you could handle it. “Regardless of the outcome, we’ll still be there for you…” Mikey’s tone was sincere and he squeezed your hand, reassuring you that things will be ok.

Everyone’s head perked up when the timer went off. You three got on your feet and slowly walked into the bathroom, the throbbing in your chest could be heard in the silent apartment. You reached out of the test and examined the results - there they were, two unholy lines that made your legs weak and got you on your knees. “...it’s positive, Koko - it’s positive…” The words were barely a whisper, you were in shock. “I’m getting you an appointment for tomorrow morning to verify the results.” Kokonoi said as he crouched down to place a hand on your shoulder. Not wanting to feel left out, Manjiro did the same and cupped your cheek, making you turn to face him. “Does that make us uncles?” His honeyed tone made you chuckle and sob at the same time. What the hell were you supposed to do now?

The next morning both of them headed back to Tokyo to avoid suspicion from Sanzu. Kokonoi was able to get you an appointment with a general clinic for blood and urine tests to confirm the pregnancy. You were alone and anxious, you felt your heart pounding against your chest as you sat in the waiting room - you wished either Mikey or Kokonoi were with you right now. “Ms. (L/N)?” One of the nurses called out to you and you stood up immediately. She signaled for you to follow her and you did, she was making small talk with you to try and get you a little relaxed. She could see you were nervous. “So what brings you in today Ms. (L/N)?” You fiddled with your hands and mumbled. “I-I need to confirm if…if I’m pregn…nnt” The nurse patted you on the back and gave you a reassuring smile. “No worries, we’ll help you with that today. Please take this and submit the urine sample via the lab that is down the hall. We will draw some blood as well. The doctor will see you first though.” After the doctor was done examining you, the nurse sent you on your way to the bathroom and to the lab for blood work. The staff was kind and welcoming. It was starting to give you some hope that the test was false positive. “Alright Ms. (L/N), you are all set for today - we will call you within the next day or two for the results. For now, please avoid any alcohol, raw foods and stress - just as a precaution. ” You nodded and thanked them.

You texted Kokonoi when you were on your way home, letting him know about the estimated time frame for the results. His response was immediate:

Alright princess, call us as soon as you get the results. Try not to stress too much, we’ll see you on the weekend ok?

End Message.

The next two days felt like you were stuck in limbo, you were pacing around your apartment and waiting for the dreaded call. As you walked into your room, you passed by the tall mirror and turned to your side, eyeing your stomach - it looked totally normal. Curiosity began to gnaw at you, how would you look with a baby bump? You grabbed a pillow and tried to stuff it underneath your shirt - it looked ridiculous. It just didn’t have the right…roundness? Taking the pillow out from under your shirt, you tried rolling it into shape and putting it under your shirt again. This time it actually looked kind of normal, your eyes began to water at the site. You weren’t ready for this. I mean who really ever is? The sound of your phone going off made you squeak and rip the pillow away from under your shirt. What the hell am I doing? You think to yourself as you dash towards your phone. It was an unknown number and you answered, “Hello?” It was the nurse who attended to you during your visit. “Good afternoon Ms. (L/N), this is [x] clinic with the lab results. The results came in and we have confirmed your pregnancy. I have set up an appointment with an ultrasound technician, they will be able to confirm how far along you are. You will receive an email with the details and follow up appointments. Did you have any questions for us in the meanwhile?” You were too stunned to speak. “Hello? Ms. (L/N)?” Stuttering you responded almost in a whisper. “Um, no - I um, thank you.” With that you ended the call, you sank down to the floor and held your tummy. What am I going to do? You think to yourself as panic begins to set in. This child was going to grow up without a father, would you even be a good mother, would the baby look like…him?

It took a few minutes to compose yourself, you didn’t want to burst out crying and call Kokonoi. You knew if you did, they would both drop everything to come and see you. “Hello?” His voice was sweet with a hint of concern. “Koko...I’m pregnant.” Your soft sniffles could be heard and it made his heart sting. He knew it, the symptoms were there and your sudden mood swing was the final indicator. “...it will be ok, when is your next appointment?” He asked while nudging Mikey who was sitting next him. “I’ll…um, send you the details.” After exchanging a few details, you both ended the call. Both Mikey and Kokonoi were concerned about your health, the amount of stress of an unplanned pregnancy is incredibly high. They were so lost in thought that they forgot about the meeting that was about to take place. As the men trickled in the room, they both just sat there, completely dazed and unaware of their surroundings. “What’s up with you two? You look like someone died…” Sanzu’s voice snapped them out of their daze. “Mikey and I have urgent business to take care of within the next upcoming months - so we’re leaving you in charge in our absence.” Was all Kokonoi said and walked out the room.

On the day of your ultrasound appointment, Kokonoi accompanied you - Mikey was still in Tokyo, they didn’t want to leave together or else people would catch on. The nurses and ultrasound technician were eying him, he was handsome and so sweet with you. “Ms. (L/N)? We’re going to have to do an internal and external ultrasound. Would you like for your boyfriend to stay in the room?” The sudden title that was thrown at him made him blush. He wished, but right now you were carrying someone else’s baby in your belly. “Koko, can you stay with me? I’m really nervous…” You say and clutch his arm. How could he say no when you looked like you were about to burst into tears? “Of course princess.”

The first part of this was your general ultrasound in the lower abdomen (external) - so it didn’t require you to undress. The technician gelled up your belly and put the scanner on your abdomen. As she was scanning the area - Kokonoi held your hand and gave you a small smile. It was enough to make you relax. “Ok, you see that there? That tiny little dot is your baby. Congratulations - you two are gonna be parents.” Awkward…though he wanted to take the title, he knew it wasn’t gonna happen. He cleared his throat and corrected the technician. “I’m the uncle…” You flinched when he said it, it was kind of funny and sad at the same time. “Oh, I’m sorry - I thought…well nevermind. Congratulations on being an uncle.” The technician was trying to avoid making eye contact with him, that was super awkward. After she wiped the gel off your belly, she asked you to empty your bladder so the second part of the exam can begin. You figured that it would be another abdomen scan just without a full bladder. Boy were you wrong.

“Ok, Ms. (Y/N) the second part of the exam we’ll be using this and I’m gonna need you to disrobe from the waist down. I promise I’ll be as gentle as possible.” Kokonoi’s eyes widened at the large wand that the technician was holding. You were also in shock and turned around to look at Kokonoi when the technician left the room. “I’m gonna have a camera up my…oh god.” You said laughing nervously at the look on his face. Kokonoi turned to face the other direction as you undressed and he spoke. “Sanzu needs to know you are expecting his child…” It felt like a knife was being plunged into your chest at the mention of his name. You stayed silent and sat on the edge of the examination table, avoiding his question. “(Y/N)-” The knock on the door made you jolt and you stuttered “Y-Yes…I’m ready.” Kokonoi sat next to you and was not within view of the wand. “Ok, you’re going to feel some pressure but try to relax - if anything feels uncomfortable at any point, please let me know.” You nodded and held Kokonoi’s hand. His eyes were glued to the monitor and was asking a few questions, you were too nervous to even speak. Mid exam you squeezed his hand when there was a slight sense of discomfort, your walls contacted and it reflected on the monitor. “You’re doing great, almost done.” Finally, the exam was over. “So um, how far along am I?” You asked. She responded with a guess, but reassured you that your doctor would confirm when they receive the ultrasounds. It looked like you were about 8 weeks (2 months).

The upcoming days were spent trying to be as careful as possible. But the stress of being pregnant, finances and work were starting to take a toll on you. The doctors warned you about stress, you needed to be extra careful or else you could miscarry. It was enough for you to make up your mind. “Angel, are you sure about this?” Mikey asked you while laying his head on your belly. “Mikey I don’t want to lose the baby - it’s best that Sanzu doesn’t know. I don’t know how he will react and I don’t think my heart can take it. I have to protect this baby no matter what.” You made both Mikey and Kokonoi swear that they would not tell Sanzu about your pregnancy. His reaction might be too unpredictable for you to handle. It was best for you to bury his name and his memory. “The only thing that matters to me right now is my baby and you guys.” You said with tears in your eyes. It was the beginning of a new life for you.

The upcoming months were hell, you were having morning sickness, moodswings, hot flashes and the worst part was certain foods you could not tolerate any more. Even your sense of smell was affected, there were times where Kokonoi’s cologne made you nauseous and he changed it just for you. Mikey found himself wrestling his beloved dorayaki from your pregnancy cravings. “Mikey I just want a bite! Please!” You begged as you reached for his dorayaki, he quickly moved it away from your reach. “No! The doctor said to go easy on sweets or else it can affect the baby.” He said smirking and handed you a ‘healthy’ snack, something that tastes like chalk due to your pregnancy. You grumbled and took a bite out of the cooked asparagus, you looked like a toddler who was scolded for not eating their vegetables. You mockingly said “Mmm mmh mmm…” while taking another bite of the vegetable. To your surprise Mikey mirrored your mocking gesture as he took a bite out of his dorayaki. He was soon met with an asparagus to the back of the head when you flung it at him. “Don’t poke the bear Mikey…” Kokonoi warned him as he read baby books and was looking for nursery items.

The days you were alone, you would find yourself singing to the baby while doing little things around the house. Sanzu became just a memory that you repressed and kept hidden away. You forgo the sound of his voice, his touch, his scent, his warmth, everything. He didn’t deserve to be given the title of ‘father’ or ‘dad’. Your child was your priority and nothing was going to get in the way of that.

*the end of the third trimester*

Having children was never really on your agenda, but here you are on a hospital bed with Mikey and Kokonoi at either side of you. Your water broke while you were at home and you called them immediately - you were in no condition to drive. You were changing your pants, when you heard the front door open and footsteps coming closer. The moment Mikey walked through the bedroom door, he could see your face was full of concern - it’s happening, you were going into labor. “Hey Angel, let’s get you- is that pee?” His words were enough to make you chuckle at the expression on his face. He had no clue how these things worked, well neither did you but at least you knew that it wasn’t pee on the floor. Kokonoi was running around looking for your little labor ready duffle bag. Unlike Mikey, Kokonoi actually attended the prenatal classes with you and prepared everything in advance for you. He was like your midwife. “Here, take these downstairs while I help her.” Kokonoi said as he handed Mikey the duffle bag. Suddenly you doubled over and groaned in pain. They both stopped and immediately came to your sides and tried holding you up. “I’m ok, just a contraction…whew….” You said while panting and holding your belly. They both helped you waddle down the stairs and into the car, it was hard for Mikey to keep a straight face as you looked like a penguin. It took a few minutes but you were on your way to the hospital.

Kokonoi was adamant about keeping everything underwraps so they had no choice but to drive to the farthest hospital where there were no potential Kanjo Manji people or potential rivals hospitalized. “Koko please! I’m begging you, any hospital is-AHH OH GOD!” Your scream made Mikey panic, he didn’t know what to do to help you with the contractions. He held your hand and cupped your cheek. “Just a little longer Angel…” You were trying not to cry and trying to get your breathing under control. “This is nothing like the classes said it would beEEEEEEE-FUCK!” Kokonoi couldn’t help but snicker at the sudden outbursts. If you weren’t in so much pain, you would have reached over and strangled him with the seat belt.

Finally, you reached the hospital and were wheelchaired in by the nurses. They were prepping you and had a heart monitor around your belly, you were wondering where Mikey and Kokonoi were as it's been over an hour and registration shouldn't have taken this long. Worry was starting to set in, what if the baby was about to pop out and you didn't have them with you? What if something else happens? What if they need to make a life changing decision? All these questions were whirling in your head - it was stressing you out and the nurses took notice. “Miss (Y/N)? Is everything ok?” They asked. “Can you tell this is my first baby?” You responded with a chuckle - you were nervous. The nurses had you walk around a bit to get the muscles moving, you were holding on to one of them by the shoulders as they helped you move around. The contractions were starting to get worse and longer. “Please, can you help me find the men that brought me in? They have my cell phone and I need them here. Please.” You said to the nurse as you were making your way back to your room. They nodded and helped you up on the bed.

As you laid on the bed, the sounds of the monitors beeping were making you anxious - you were alone in the room. A number of mixed feelings were overwhelming you. The baby was moving around a bit, you began to rub your belly and tried to comfort yourself. “It’s ok sunshine, we’re almost there…whenever you’re ready…” The tears began to roll down your face, you were scared of the life that was ready to pop out of you. What if there were complications? What if you died giving birth? Who would take care of the baby in your place if Mikey and Kokonoi were not here? The heart monitor began to go off, “I’m sorry little one, I’ll try to relax…please be ok…” Soon there was a knock on the door - the head nurse came in with the obstetrician, they were coming in to check on you and also to check how you were dilating. “We’re almost there - how are the contractions and pain?” It was painful, it felt like your whole lower body was about to explode. “I’m in so much pain but most importantly - where are the two men that came with me?” You asked, it’s been over 5 hours and you haven’t seen them. “I’m still looking for them, I’m so sorry Ms. (Y/N).” The nurse said while patting your hand.

The amount of pressure and pain was making it hard to breathe. After a few minutes of discussing what the plan is, in walked Kokonoi and Mikey. They were both sweating and looked a little suspicious. You knew immediately where they were. “I cannot believe you two! You got into a fight?!” The tone in your voice made them flinch, the baby hasn’t even been delivered yet and you already sounded like a mother. “Don’t be mad Angel…” Mikey said while smiling at you. How could you not be? You were worried about them and worried about the baby that was about to pop out any minute. Kokonoi stepped to the side and spoke with the nurse and obstetrician, he wanted to make sure that everything was ok and that you were being taken care of properly. “We’re prepped and ready - she just needs a few more centimeters.” They were soon all interrupted by you screaming and holding your belly - the pain was immense. “Yeah, she’ll do that a few more times if not more.” She said as she reassured Kokonoi that everything was ok.

When it was time, Mikey and Kokonoi were on each side of your bed - holding your hands as you pushed. “OH GOD! I CAN’T DO THIS!” You screamed out loud and squeezed their hands, Kokonoi was about to pass out from how hard you were squeezing his hand. Mikey didn’t even bat an eyelash. “You’re doing great, you got this!” The staff was encouraging you as you were struggling with the pain. There was a sense of hate and anger that bubbled up within you from the pain. Who did you blame? You ended up saying something that surprised them all. “UGH! I HATE HIM SO MUCH! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT SANZU! I HATE YOU!” You were screaming at the top of your lungs from the pain and pressure as you pushed. Mikey couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, but oh boy that was a big mistake - you turned to look at him. If looks could kill. He immediately stopped smiling and kissed your hand. “I’m sorry angel…” Both the nurses and obstetrician were looking at Mikey. They thought he was Sanzu with how he kissed your hand. It was too late to get an epidural so you had no other choice but to bear it. You began to cry at how much pain you were in, “I can’t…please I can’t do this!” It hurt to see you like this, there was nothing they could do but hold your hand and hope for the best as you delivered a new life into this world. “Yes you can, angel. You’re doing a great job.” Mikey's honeyed tone was doing little to ease your mind. “Princess, look at me…” Kokonoi said and tilted your head in his direction. “You’ve been through hell and back…you can do this.” He was right, your hell was during Sanzu’s incident and the recovery was excruciating. You tried to steady yourself, “Push (Y/N)! You’re almost there!” What followed were your cries and screams as you felt as if your bones were breaking.

It was a grueling labor - but finally the baby arrived. While the nurses were cleaning up the baby and checking their vitals, Kokonoi and Mikey were catching a break from their hands being almost crushed by your death grip. When they brought you the little bundle, you started tearing up, she was beautiful and so tiny. Both Mikey and Kokonoi couldn’t help but melt at the sight. “Her hair is dyed from the blood right?” Mikey asked when he realized that the baby’s hair was a light pink…Sanzu’s hair color. You could only laugh and cry at the same time. You didn’t care, she was beautiful and you were glad she was ok. The nurses asked if you wanted a photo, you said yes. They took two, one of you by yourself and the second with both Mikey and Kokonoi. You wanted to remember this, these were the people that cared for you and loved you. “Do you wanna hold her?” You asked Kokonoi, as he was pretty much your midwife - he had first dibs. “How come he gets to hold her first?” Mikey protested, he wanted to hold the baby first. “Because he is my midwife.” You said with a smile on your face, the unofficial title had Mikey pouting.

Kokonoi was a natural, he held her perfectly fine and the baby didn’t make a peep. “So, did you decide on a name for her?” He said while cooing at the baby in his arms. The frown on your face was enough for them to know that you hadn’t. “Ok ok, my turn! Gimme!” Mikey said while extending his arms out. “Do you even know how to hold a child?” Kokonoi retorted. He didn’t wanna let go of the baby yet. The nurses in the room couldn’t help but find this little moment endearing. Two men fighting over whose turn it was to hold an infant. “If this is the first time holding a child, you’ll need to take a seat and then we’ll hand her over to you.” One of the nurses said and Mikey made his way eagerly to the couch in the room. Kokonoi handed the baby over to Mikey and they looked like two proud fathers. When the baby started crying, he didn’t know what to do. The nurses encouraged him to talk to her. “H-Hey little angel, it’s ok…” His honeyed tone was calming the baby. He didn’t spend hours talking to your belly for nothing. “Ow…” You yelped in pain when you shifted on the bed. “Is it normal to still be in so much pain after birth?” You asked the nurses as they began cleaning up.

Throughout the evening, the pain was becoming more and more unbearable. After examining you, they cleared you of any life threatening issues. However, they ended up giving you some morphine and you were able to finally rest. “Stay with me, please…” You said before you drifted off to sleep. While they both looked after the baby, you stirred in your sleep - talking and groaning. “She looks a lot like him, there is no denying that this baby is his…” Mikey said as he watched the baby sleep in their little bed. Kokonoi was looking over the paperwork that needed to be filled out for registration when you ended up saying, “Haruka…don’t cry…” Within seconds the baby started crying, it was as if you knew she’d start crying right before it happened. Both men in the room were taken back by how eerie the timing was. “I think we have a name…” Kokonoi said and filled out the paperwork while Mikey tried to comfort the baby. Your mumbling continued, repeating the same name - how odd that she was born in the spring as the flowers bloomed. “Koko…take care of Haruka…mhn, Mikey - Haruka can’t eat…dorayaki yet…” They couldn’t help but chuckle at your sleep talking. It was rather endearing and funny. “You named her Haruka, huh?” Kokonoi said as he placed a kiss on your forehead. You awoke shortly after and asked if everything was ok. They were both smiling at you and reassured you that everything was ok. Two days later you were discharged and were allowed to go home. During the final check up and paperwork filing, you asked the nurses regarding the registration of birth. “Oh, that’s been taken care of already. You submitted the paperwork the day after the baby was born.” You thought you heard wrong, you were out cold and didn’t sign anything. “I’m sorry, I don’t recall submitting anything - where are the completed forms?” The nurse smiled and said they can provide you a copy of it tomorrow as the registration was already in process.

When you finally arrived home, you set the baby down in her nursery and took advantage of her sleeping to fix yourself something to eat. Hospital food tasted so bland and you were dying to have something with fat and salt. Pregnancy superstitions were quite the talk in prenatal classes, to avoid certain foods due to this and that, or to be weary of full moons, avoid cemeteries, that frequent heartburn meant the baby was going to be born with a lot of hair. Well one of them actually came true, your little sunshine was born with a mop of rosey hair. The thought made you chuckle a bit at thinking about all the things Kokonoi told you about after the classes, the talks with the fathers, best friends, brothers, etc., it was funny to see how they were dealing with a pregnant woman. The sound of your cell phone going off made you snap back into reality, it was an incoming call from Kokonoi. Answering the call you mumbled a ‘hello’, “Hey princess, we’re headed down to your place now. How’s the baby?” The smile that spread across your lips could almost be imagined by both Manjiro and Kokonoi. “She’s sleeping, are you guys going to stay with me for the next few weeks?” They made arrangements to stay with you for the first three weeks to make sure that you both are ok and ensure that you have all the help you need - being a first time mother was not easy, avoiding stress after a pregnancy was crucial.

The moment they walked through that door, your little apartment was filled with warmth and love. Throughout the week you were busy getting all your ducks in a row for doctors appointments, check ups, daycare and luckily the job you were at now was extremely flexible with maternity leave. There was one final thing missing that you just couldn’t put your finger on. Something was gnawing at you, something…something…what the hell were you forgetting? It must be important if you were racking your brain for it. What am I missing? I have all the baby stuff, the books, the teething stuff, the burping clothes, bottles, pacifiers, registr- Your thoughts were disrupted as from a distance, you can hear Mikey and Kokonoi coo at the baby as one of them holds her in their arms. “Come on little Haruka, it’s feeding time.” You felt your stomach drop and walked slowly to where the two men were. When you walked into the room both Mikey and Kokonoi turned around to face you, their faces showing confusion when they noticed the tears in your eyes. “Hey princess, what’s wrong?” Kokonoi asked as he got closer and cupped your face. Mikey remained seated with the baby in his arms and could only watch as you came closer. “What did you just call her?” It was almost a whisper, but they could sense the panic and uncertainty in your voice. “Mikey…what did you just call her?” You repeated with a bit more volume and anger on the tip of your tongue. “I told you to wake her up before submitting the paperwork.” Mikey said as he backed away from you with the baby in his arms.

The words that rolled off of Mikey’s tongue hit you square in the chest, you felt your heart pounding and blood boiling. That’s what I was forgetting…her registration papers. You think to yourself as you drop down to your knees and break down in tears. “Tell me you're joking…please Kokonoi, you did not register her under that name…” They shouldn’t have done that without your permission, they shouldn’t have made that decision for you, they had no right. The pang in your chest wouldn’t stop, it was already enough that your daughter had his hair color, it was enough that she was part of him, it was enough that she shared his bloodline - but his name? No, it wasn’t fair. “...But you named her, you don’t remember?” “You kept repeating that name over and over again, I thought…” Kokonoi stopped himself as you began to sob. You thought you were dreaming, you thought nothing of it when you came to but I guess these things happen for a reason. “Angel…?” Mikey asked as came closer. “I can’t escape him…can I?” You whispered as you looked up to face the infant in his arms. The floral blanket she was wrapped in had your heart breaking again - it made sense. The gods were punishing you for running away, for keeping this baby a secret from her father, from failing to realize that you were forever bonded to him. “Do you want to change her name to Manjiro? What about Hajime?” Mikey began but was met with a chuckle from you. They thought you finally lost it when you began to laugh louder and cry at the same time. “I guess this is what I get for being selfish…it’s a beautiful name, though she already reminds me of Haruchiyo. It happened for a reason.”

Truth be told - it wasn’t the first time you have thought of that name for your child. But you didn’t want to give in or admit that you were thinking about him when it came to mind. Sanzu Haruchiyo was never going to know the face of this child, he was never going to know that there was a mini him out in the world, he was never going to know…until that one day…

END pt 2

114 notes · View notes