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#wizards
pratchettquotes · 2 days ago
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"It seems words are extremely powerful," she said.
"Indeed, lady."
"You must have made a lengthy study."
The Fool nodded. The power of words had sustained him through the hell of the Guild. Wizards and witches used words as if they were tools to get things done, but the Fool reckoned that words were things in their own right.
"Words can change the world," he said.
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
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firebendinglemur · 2 days ago
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was dissatisfied by various "wizard metal" playlists which are just regular-ass metal that isn't about wizards at all. instead of blasting the offenders with the force of a thousand soul-hurricanes, i have decided to take a more positive approach by making my own playlist, with the strict requirement that each song's lyrics must feature the arcane or esoteric.
P. S. to those who may object to the inclusion of Ghoul Wrangler as "cheesy" or "not real metal", i'm happy to report that neil fallon has more eldritch energy in his little finger than there exists in your entire wretched bodies! hope that helps
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zarekthelordofthefries · 23 hours ago
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wizard giving a tour of their tower, introducing every single room with "and this is where the magic happens"
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wizardpotions · a month ago
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We need to start objectifying wizards. We can't slap them on the ass though they only have 4 hit points they may perish
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amygdalan-arm · 2 months ago
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I know the most dangerous dumpling-based spells and incantations. I can teach you how to enact wonton destruction
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nerviovago · 5 months ago
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localwarlockunion · 2 months ago
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Wizards! Stop scrolling!! This is your reminder to:
Feed your homunculus
Recast your wards
Drain all your old potions into the sewer system
Send that cursed demon tooth to the Wizard Council, their problem now
Never blink, not even once, blinking is failure
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mynameismad · 21 days ago
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*Trips back into Tumblr, wizard pictures spilling out of my pockets like lose change*
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sirartwork · 24 days ago
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“Sparagus The Magicus”
He only knows one spell.
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x-cetra · 11 months ago
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@secondlina : "Do you need wizard references? Google orchestra conductors."
See THREAD for many more great examples.
[Edit: And visit @secondlina on tumblr— give the artist love and check out her cool webcomic with POC queer magical girls!]
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pratchettquotes · 2 days ago
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"But...but...but think of the things we could learn here!" said Ponder. "The possibilities are breathtaking! At last there's a god who's actually got the right idea! At last we can get some answers to all the important questions! We could...we can...Look, we can't just go. I mean, not go! I mean...we're wizards, aren't we?" He was aware that he had their full attention, something that wizards did not often give. Usually they defined "listening" as a period in which you worked out what you were going to say next. It was disconcerting.
Then the spell broke. The Senior Wrangler shook his head. "Curious way of looking at things," he said, turning away. "So...I vote we take plenty of those cheese nuts, Archchancellor."
Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent
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wizardpotions · 4 months ago
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new year new me *casts a spell that morphs me into a horrible creature*
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echeydraws · 3 months ago
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more silly drawings 
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tolkien-fantasy · 18 days ago
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An homage to fictional wizard and witches except fuck JK Rowling
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nerviovago · 5 months ago
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caffeinewitchcraft · a month ago
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Wizards Stole My Brother
 Summary: Being the Chosen One fucking sucks. That’s why Erika is furious when she finds out her brother got picked.
--------.
I find out my parents let the wizards take Ben an hour after I get home for spring break.
“You have to understand, Erika,” my mother says tearfully, “there was a prophecy! What were we supposed to do?”
“You were supposed to stop a group of ancient wizards from dragging off my fourteen-year-old brother to die,” I snarl at her. I dump out my small suitcase on the bed and leave it face open on the floor. I throw open my closet and start tearing all of the hanging things out of my way. “Or, I don’t know, maybe call me?”
“Don’t talk to your mother like that,” my father says. He’d be a lot more convincing if he stopped hovering around the doorway and avoiding my glare. He tucks his terrycloth bathrobe around himself. “You know what they’re like. We couldn’t say no.”
“That excuse is a little tired, Dad.” I flip the latch of the secret compartment at the back of my closet. It swings open to reveal my collection of swords. My mother gasps, but I’m too mad to point out that she knew I kept the weapons, just not where. “I let you use it when it happened to me because I expected you to never fail your children quite so spectacularly again.”
“We’re just normal people, Erika,” Mom wails. She’s dressed in overalls and has smears of dirt from ankle to knee. “We couldn’t stop them! We’re just as upset as you!”
“Are you?” I whirl around, three swords under one arm and a crossbow in my free hand. “Is that why Dad smells like a lavender bath bomb and you’ve been gardening all morning? Because you’re upset?”
“Yes,” Mom says.
“No,” Dad says.
They exchange quick, guilty looks.
“No,” Mom says.
“Yes,” Dad says.
“Oh my god,” I say. I throw my weapons into the suitcase, thankful for the expansion charm one of the fair folk gifted me with a few years ago. “I’m going to go rescue Ben from whatever insane, save-the-kingdom quest they’ve roped him into. If you’re lucky--” here I spin to point a finger at them “--if you’re lucky, he’s fine and forgives you both. If you’re unlucky…” I turn back to my suitcase, sure they get what I mean.
“You’ll… you’ll tell your grandmother?” Dad ventures tentatively.
My vision whites out as rage surges inside of me. When it clears, Mom and Dad are cowering on my childhood bed with the business end of my sword only a foot away. “If he has a scratch, I’ll tell Grandma. If he’s hurt worse than that, Grandma won’t be able to stop me.”
Mom hiccups with fear as I drag my case out of the room. Honestly. And they call themselves our parents.
-----.
I call Grandma on the drive over to the Magic Embassy. 
“Erika, so good to hear from you,” she says. Her voice is quiet and raspy, a consequence from her own harrowing adventures with wizards in her youth. “I’m not sure if your mother told you, but I’m coming over--”
“My parents let wizards take Ben,” I interrupt. I weave around traffic, ignoring the horns  and angry shouts my erratic driving elicits. I half hope someone hits me - I’m driving Mom’s Tesla. “I’m on the way to the embassy.”
The line crackles with static. “They did not.” 
“They did,” I say. When I was a kid, Grandma’s commander voice used to scare me something awful. Then I had my own misadventure with wizards and knew where she learned it. “I need you to tell them I’m coming and they’d better have answers ready.”
“I’ll do you one better,” Grandma says. “I’ll meet you there.”
I’m already shaking my head. “Your hip replacement hasn’t healed yet. I can take care of it, but you know they don’t like me over there. You’re going to save me a lot of time by calling.”
I can tell Grandma doesn’t like it by the pause that follows. Finally she says, “Fine. I’ll text you who to ask for.”
“Love you.”
“I love you too,” Grandma says, softening. Then the steel is back in her quiet voice. “You bring back my grandson in one piece. I’ll take care of my son and his wife.”
If I wasn’t so mad at my parents, I’d feel sorry for setting Grandma on them. Now, I think they’ll be lucky if that’s all that happens.
The Magic Embassy is in one of those impossible buildings that people in the early 1900s used to dream about. From far away, it most closely resembles the Empire State building, but the illusion falls the closer you get to it. For one, the ground floors are actually smaller than every floor above it. For another, the  structure is made entirely of glass and gold, plunging into the sky to a startling seventy stories tall. Like most things magic, it’s hard to tell if it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen or the most hideous.
I pull up outside, double parking next to a government-issued, black SUV. Hopefully there’ll be a juicy ticket waiting for my mom when she gets her car back. I haul my suitcase out of the backseat and jog up the marble steps to the huge, gold doors.
There’s a line of people milling behind a velvet rope, a man in a red bellman costume directing them inside one at a time. Most of them will be here to get their fortunes read so I don’t feel even a little bad as I swerve around the line entirely.
“Whoa,” the doorman says as I barrel towards him. The alchemical circles on the back of his gloves start to glow. “Ma’am, you need to be registered with the wards--”
I hit the wards in question before he can finish his question. They’re designed to keep out humans so that everybody who comes to the embassy needs to be specially let in by the doorman. I reach out with my free hand to throw the doors open and the magic pops! as soon as my skin comes into contact with it.
“--oh no,” the doorman says. Alarms blare and the doors slam shut behind me. They won’t open for two hours until the magic practitioners employed by the embassy are able to put the wards back up.
The lobby I’ve just entered is lined floor to ceiling with dark wood bookcases laden with grimoires and prophecies. Directly across from me is a large, marble staircase that clashes horribly with the styled tiles on the ground floor. Individual desks dot the floor, each one manned by a magic expert versed in prophecy, divination, or the general esoteric. For a beat, no one moves. Then there’s chaos.
“Stop!” multiple voices cry out. Wood chairs scrape against the tile as clerks lunge for weapons and runic circles. “Halt--”
“I was coming to let you in,” an annoyed voice says. I look past the forming defensive wall of enraged clerks to the woman coming down the stairs. She’s dressed in robes that shine like stars, her long, silver hair twisted into a braid that falls nearly to the floor. She looks like a Queen from a fairytale. “You’ve stalled our business.”
“Should have thought about that before sending wizards to my house,” I say. I eye one particularly jittery clerk as I make my way to the base of the stairs. My swords aren’t immediately accessible, but they do make my suitcase pretty heavy. If I need to, I can hit him with it. When I’m sure the clerk isn’t going to jump me, I turn my attention back to the real threat who has now stopped two steps above me so that I have to look up at her. “Madame Sangervasi.”
“As I told your grandmother,” Madame Sangervasi says, “I don’t personally vet every prophecy that comes through these halls.” She waves the clerks away and gestures for me to follow her upstairs. “It will be hard to stop the embassy from pursuing damage charges against you.”
I hum instead of answer because I know wizards like Madame Sangervasi. She’s warning me off from making any bigger disturbance in her building. Normally, I’d ignore that, but not when she’s the only one who can give me access to wherever they sent Ben. 
I’ll decide whether or not I’m willing to test my luck further later… after getting Ben back.
There is an elevator in the building, but Madame Sangervasi doesn’t take it. Instead she climbs one story, then two. The walls on either side of us are unbroken by doors or windows so that it feels like we’re climbing through a chute. Finally, after the third story, a door appears. Madame Sangervasi stops in front of it and turns. She looks down at me with a cold look in her eye, long fingers playing with the chain around her neck.
“I want to make it clear, Erika,” Madame Sangervasi says, “that this is happening only because I enjoy your grandmother. The hall of prophecy is reserved for technicians and the prophesied. I am making quite the exception for you.”
You’re trying to cover up your mistake, I think. I smile. “I really do understand, Madame Sangervasi.”
Her lips thin. I don’t believe for a second that she doesn’t see underneath my words to the rolling anger waiting to come out. She pulls on her chain to reveal a key from under her robes. She turns to unlock the door.
The hall of prophecies isn’t nearly as exciting as it sounds. It’s a long room, only ten feet wide, stacked floor to ceiling with single sheets of paper. The pages at the bottom of the stacks are so old that they’ve turned to dust and spill out across the narrow walkway to the portal at the other end of the room.
Years ago, when I’d been kidnapped by wizards, I’d felt overwhelmed by the power in this room. It seemed to me like each piece of paper contained the power to change history, to save a world or to end one. I’d been hooked on the story the wizards had told me - that I was special and destined and the only one who could set things to right. This room had confirmed that with the way its magic pulled me to the very portal Madame Sangervasi is leading me to now. 
“Your brother was called to Delta World,” Madame Sangervasi says. She stays in the center of the path where prior feet have cleared the ground of dust. “The powers there have been dreadfully unbalanced for a few years. It was only a matter of time before a new prophecy was made.”
I struggle to keep my cool. Delta World. I’d sworn to never go back there in front of every wizard I ran across and now they’ve dragged my brother there. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. “Seems like they should be able to control their own balance by now.”
“You know that’s not how it works.” Madame Sangervasi reaches the portal. She pulls out a focusing stone and starts to calibrate it for my departure. “He entered the portal two days ago and was met by representatives of Delta World’s monarchy. I’m sure he’s been well taken care of.”
Two days here can be anywhere between a month and three months in one of the wizards’ worlds. I go back to focusing on my breathing. “Do you know the details of the prophecy?”
The portal flares red and Madame Sangervasi steps back from it. The glow makes her look older, closer to the ancient wizard she is than to my grandmother. “As I said, I’m hardly involved in every prophecy that passes through this hall.”
“Maybe,” I say, “that’s not a very good excuse for negligence.” Then, before she can decide on how offended she’s going to be, I throw myself into Delta World.
----------.
Delta World consists of one monolithic continent, eighty percent of which is woods. Woods, I’d like to clarify, with only a few established roads and more than a hundred varieties of dangerous, demonic beasts. The presence of these carnivorous, over-powered animals means that even the paths that do exist don’t guarantee your safety. The only one that’s reasonably safe is the Royal Road which leads from the Capital to the southern port of Anstene where the main headquarters of the Adventurer’s Guild is.
Delta World is unique in that it requires a new hero every few years in order to manage the demonic energies running rampant from coast to coast. They’re one of the only worlds that actively cooperate with the Magic Embassy and allow their teleportation portals to be directly connected. It’d take real effort to switch the alignment of the portals to have anyone from my world end up anywhere but in the Anstene Guild Hall or the Royal Capital.
That’s why I know Madame Sangervasi drops me in the middle of the woods on purpose. 
“Ooh, I hate her,” I say, half-impressed. The trees are as thick around as cars and the vines hanging from their branches are easily as wide as my waist.  Behind me, something growls. “The Old Woods? That bitch.”
The giant demonic beast behind me lunges before I can get my suitcase open. I duck, rolling to the side as it sails overhead, claws easily the length of my forearm. From what I can see, it’s a feline-type with glowing red eyes and bioluminescent saliva. On Delta world anything bioluminescent is either magic or acidic.
The beast growls, the sound rattling through my bones, and a single drop of saliva lands on a felled tree. The wood hisses and blackens instantly.
Experimentally, I throw a rock at its head. It doesn’t even flinch when my aim proves true and the rock hits it directly between the eyes. I groan. “This is going to take forever.”
The beast spits in agreement and charges.
----.
Ben is tired. He’s tired of Sir Jameson who wakes him up at the crack of dawn for sword training even though they’re already traveling towards the Demon King. He’s tired of the light magic user Augusta who spends every waking moment telling Ben that he’s the only one who can save their world. He’s tired of trees and dried bread and sleeping for only an hour or two at a time.
He is definitely tired of having to kill all these messed up, mutated creatures that attack them almost every single hour.
“Good,” Sir Jameson says, yanking his sword out of the bear’s head. “We were almost out of meat.”
Augusta sighs and drags her feet over to the edge of the blood-stained clearing. For once, she moves like the sixty-year-old woman she is.  “I’ll set a perimeter while you break it down. You’ve got 30 minutes.”
“Appreciated.”
Ben turns away from the house-sized bear carcass to stare unseeingly into the woods. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
“Forever if you have to, Hero,” Augusta calls over her shoulder. “The whole nation believes in you!”
Ben mimes strangling her.
“We’ve been traveling for about a month,” Prince Rent says. He’s hunched over a rock, fingers trailing across their only map. “We should be nearing Mount Trilbia soon.”
“You said that two weeks ago,” Ben says. When he’d first met Prince Rent, he’d been relieved to have someone close to his age assigned to what they called the ‘Hero Party.’ Now he’s tired of Rent too. “I’m beginning to think we’re going to be in these woods forever.”
“Ben,” Rent says and hesitates. He bites his lip. “Look, I know my family sort of…”
“Kidnapped me?” Ben suggests helpfully.
“Coerced you into fulfilling the prophecy,” Rent says, “but I promised you I would get you back home in one piece and I meant it.”
Ben stares at him. “Coerced isn’t any better than kidnapped.”  His brow furrows. “Do you-- do you think it’s okay that your parents won’t send me back unless I do this?”
Rent avoids his eyes. “We all must do what is necessary.”
Great, now Ben feels like a jerk even though he shouldn’t because he’s not responsible for kidnapping someone. He sighs and looks up at the canopy. “I should have listened to my sister.”
--------.
Luckily for Madame Sangervasi, I still remember the way through the Old Woods. The trick is to stay off the road. Though it looks like a good option through the thick brush, it’s only a trap. Clever beasts maintain it to keep the prey in one convenient location. Following the mushrooms growing on the sides of the trees leads you to the actual Royal Road.
The sun is setting by the time I catch sight of the cobblestones, casting the sky in reds and oranges that dye the trees around me. The berries on the brush lining the road shine when they catch the light, making it appear as if the road is glittering. When I was 12, it had seemed so magical. Like Dorothy’s road to Oz.
“Oh good,” I say, stopping to pick some berries, “I didn’t think to bring any poison.” The syrup left from boiling these berries can be applied to my sword. Depending on my enemy, they’ll either get nauseous or keel over completely.
I need information. While it’d be easy to assume my brother’s quest is the same as mine was, I can’t take that chance. Mine had culminated at Mount Trilbia, a good three month’s ride from the Capital. If I guess wrong, I could be adding six months or more onto my search.
It’s dark by the time I come upon a real village and not one of the false ones the will-o'-the-wisps like to set up. The gate is already closed, a small squad of knights in full armor standing in front of it with spears held at the ready. On a peaceful night, they’ll kill half a dozen beasts. On a violent night, four times that.
“I’m not a nymph,” I call out as I approach. I make sure to keep my hands in sight and step loudly enough so they can hear me. “Or a spirit, or a demon. I’m only a traveller caught out too late.”
“Yeah, we kind of figured,” the knight in the center says.
“How’s that?”
“Spirits usually don’t drag around hellcats like that.”
Ah. I’d nearly forgotten about the corpse of the first beast to attack me. My hand’s almost completely numb from the grip I’ve kept on the beast’s tail. The body thuds dully when I drop it. “Its scent kept anything smaller from attacking me.”
“That’d do it,” the knight says. As I get closer, I see that he’s wearing the mark of a Captain on his shoulder. “There’s not much bigger than a hellcat on the Royal Road. Unfortunately, the town’s closed for the night. Your business will have to wait until dawn.”
“And if my business is with you?” When that puts them on guard again, I wave my hands frantically. “Not like that! I just need to know about the prophecy.”
“The prophecy?” The Captain’s head tilts to one side. “If it’s just that, that’s public knowledge but… How long have you been in the woods?”
“Too long,” I say with feeling. “But I don’t plan on wandering through them much longer.”
----.
Ben stares up at Mount Trilbia. “So you’re telling me you have a mountain that just grows a demon castle every couple of years and you haven’t blown it up yet?”
The castle does look like it’s sprung up from the summit. Sharp and wicked spears of rock bracket it on each side and twist into spiraling towers. The front door looks like a cave and, even from the foot of the mountain, Ben imagines he can hear the howls of the demons inside.
“It’s a sacred mountain to our kingdom,” Prince Rent says. Like Ben, he can’t take his eyes off the castle. “If we can just get the energies of the land in balance, then it’ll stop appearing. Or so our best scholars have said.” He swallows. “It’s bigger than I thought it’d be.”
“It is,” Jameson says. He rubs his grey goatee. His hand trembles. “I’ve seen my fair share of demon castles and this might be the most wicked.”
“I sense great evil from within,” Augusta says. Her worn hands are white around her magic staff. Her eyes are just a touch too wide. “I--I think we might be too late. I believe the Demon King has already been born.”
“Oh,” Prince Rent says. His face is so pale it looks grey. “Oh no.”
Ben backs up so he can see all three of them. “Wh-what does that mean? We’re just here to destroy the crystal, right? That’s what the prophecy said!”
“And we still are,” Augusta says. She shakily lowers herself onto a fallen log. “Only now the crystal is Demon King shaped and will probably fight back.”
“Maybe he’s still asleep,” Prince Rent says, looking between the two adults with increasing panic. “The prophet said we had until the summer solstice--!”
“No,” Augusta says. “I see the shape of it now. The reason so many creatures have been attacking us despite my barriers...he knows we’re coming for him. He’s been trying to weaken us with the constant attacks.”
“There hasn’t been a fully manifested Demon King in decades,” Jameson says. He laughs without any humor. “Of course my last mission before I retire takes a turn for the worse.”
“Guess my brother will inherit the throne after all,” Prince Rent says weakly and sits next to Augusta with his hands clasped as if in prayer.
“We’re not going to continue,” Ben says, incredulous. When none of them answer, his hands clench into fists. “You just said the crystal’s a Demon King now or whatever. That’s not my job! You said all I had to do was destroy the crystal and you’d let me go home to my family!”
“The crystal is the Demon King,” Augusta repeats. Her eyes glisten. “I’m so sorry, my dear, but the prophecy does not change. You are the Hero and--and to save us, you must fight.”
Ben is shaking his head before she’s done speaking. “You’re insane. Look at you! The most powerful magic user in the country and you’re terrified. Jameson’s the strongest knight in the kingdom! What am I supposed to be able to do that you two can’t? I’m fourteen--”
“You won’t be alone,” Jameson says. He strides up to Ben and clasps his shoulder. “You’re right. Augusta is the strongest magic user in the kingdom and I am the strongest knight. We have the best chance of winning this fight if we strike now before he gains more power.” His eyes slide over Ben’s head to the prince. “Your highness will stay here.”
Prince Rent jerks to his feet. “I’m coming with you, I’m part of the Hero Party the same as Ben--”
“You’re the future of our kingdom,” Augusta says. When Prince Rent spins to glare at her, betrayed, she meets his eyes evenly. “Your life can’t be lost here.”
“I promised Ben--!”
But my life can be lost here? Ben wants to ask but his mouth is dry. All of his thoughts are spinning faster and faster in his head. They’re all convinced the Demon King will kill them - kill him - and they’re arguing about whether or not the prince will join them. Nobody cares if Ben dies, they’re not his family and he’s not even from this world--
And that reminds him, he’s nothing here. They talk about national holidays for heroes but none of them have ever chosen to stay for a reason. His family isn’t here and they won’t ever know what happened to him. His parents will cry and his grandmother will try to find his body and his sister-- 
“Well, this is beyond my expectations.”
No way. Ben jerks out of Jameson’s hold, spinning to find the source of that voice. Surely, it’s his brain hallucinating in the last hours of his life, but if it isn’t--
His sister emerges from the treeline, hair twisted into a bun, blood on her cheek, with a worn suitcase in one hand and a bare blade in the other.
-----.
Ben looks thin. My jaw clenches as I take in the, frankly, ridiculous scene in front of me. The knight trying to convince my baby brother to lay down his life for a kingdom that can’t even feed him properly. The prince trying not to cry as he pleads with the adults to let him die beside the Hero. The elderly woman trying to convince the prince to save himself reeking of light magic powerful enough to at least have sensed me coming.
“Yeah,” I say, “this is ridiculous.”
“Who are you?” the light magic user raises her staff. An ethereal white glow pulls at her hair. “How did you get through my barrier?”
“If you’d stayed off the Royal Road, you might have made it before the Demon King manifested.” I shake my head as I look up at the castle. It seems smaller than I remember. Then again, I’m not a child anymore. “Only fools stick to the Royal Road longer than a day-- oof!”
Ben throws his arms around my neck. When did the kid get taller than me? He buries his face in my shoulder and shakes with sobs. I drop my suitcase so I can return the hug with at least one arm. I can’t drop my sword.
“Ben?” The prince edges around the light magic user, ignoring her hissed protests. Now that I can see his face properly, he looks pretty young too. “Do you--do you know her?”
“It’s my sister,” Ben says into my shoulder. He pulls himself away from me, sniffling, and scrubs at his eyes. He beams at me through his tears. “I sure am glad to see you, Erika.”
Of course the other three are questioning him now. How? Sister? What are you talking about, your sister can’t be here. I ignore them and take a closer look at my brother. “Where’s your sword? I know they didn’t drag you all this way without giving you a sword.”
“I--”
“Nevermind, it’s probably garbage anyway, I brought yours from home.” I rummage through my suitcase and pull out the single-handed blade my brother prefers. “Freshly sharpened.”
“Is that spatial magic?” The light magic user has a complicated look on her face. “Only those blessed by the fae…” She meets my eyes. “Who are you?”
“Who are you?” I retort. “Besides my brother’s kidnappers of course.” I eye the prince when he flinches. “Seems like you all should introduce yourselves first.”
“I am Prince Rent,” the teenager says. He breathes in through his nose and holds his head up high. “These are my kingdom’s strongest fighters, Mage Augusta and Knight Jameson. We were chosen to assist the Hero in his quest--”
“Right,” I say, looking back at my brother and then up at the castle. “The quest.” I sigh and ruffle his hair. “We’re going to have to take care of that before we can go back. I learned the hard way that the prophecy’s magic on you prevents interdimensional transport. I was hoping to get to you before you got in range of the castle, but…” I sigh again. “Well, we have to take care of it.”
“I don’t want to,” Ben whines. Still, he backs up so he can take a couple swings with his sword. “I didn’t agree to be part of this.”
“I know, bro.” I pull out our shields from the suitcase and set them on the ground. “The people of this world are super inconsiderate like that.”
“Hey!” It’s Prince Rent. He storms past his guards to get right in my space. “It’s not like we have a choice! Do you think we like relying on outsiders to save us? My family has done its best over the centuries to solve this crisis on our own--”
“Not very well,” I whisper to Ben. “That mountain is still standing.”
“That’s what I said!”
“--and if my power alone was enough to end this curse, I would spare poor heroes like Ben from it all. It doesn’t work like that! So who are you to come in and judge us for simply doing whatever we have to do in order to save our world from destruction?”
“I’m Erika, the lady that’s going to kill your Demon King for the second time,” I say. I roll my shoulders and start heading up the mountain. “And this time, I’m going to blow up this mountain whether you like it or not.”
“Wait for me!” Ben scrambles up after me.
“Did she say Erika?” Mage Augusta asks.
“I’m sure it’s a coincidence,” Knight Jameson says.
“Second time? What do you mean second time?” Prince Rent jogs after us. “You were a hero?”
“They sure ask a lot of questions,” I say to Ben.
Ben gives me a look. “You have no idea.”
----.
Prince Rent’s never been ignored before. Even his parents, the King and Queen of Delta World, always make sure to listen to what he says. Even when he argued against being sent along on this mission they listened, if only to convince him to go.
Ben and Erika aren’t even pretending to pay attention to him.
“--then there was a troll,” Ben tells his sister. He hops over a rock and takes the next steep incline at a jog. He’d always kept pace with Rent before, taking care not to leave the prince behind. Now, he doesn’t even look back when Rent starts to wheeze. “It had a cave filled with gold and everything.”
Erika grins. “You get anything good? The troll I fought only hoarded rocks--”
“Prince Rent requested a break,” Mage Augusta interrupts. She’s lucky that her magic allows her to sort of float up the mountain. She hovers in front of Erika’s and Ben’s path. “We’re stopping.”
Erika looks over her shoulder with one eyebrow raised. Prince Rent gives up on trying not to look too out of breath and braces his hands on his knees while he gasps for air. His face burns at the distinctly unimpressed look on Erika’s face.
“We need to plan anyway,” Jameson says. He’s doing a little better than Prince Rent, but not by much. His face more and more resembles a tomato the higher they climb. “We can’t walk through the front door. There has to be another way--”
“You sure are saying we a lot,” Erika says. “The way I see it, it’s just Ben and me that need to get up there. You all can stay down here.”
It’s the dismissal in her voice that snaps something inside of him. He’s been trying, okay? He’s spent months telling himself that it’s his duty as a royal to support the hero. He’s given up so much to be here and she’s making it seem like all that effort was for nothing. He draws himself up to his full height. “You are not in charge here.”
The siblings stare at him. That’s his first warning that he’s crossed a line.
“Rent--” Ben starts, but Erika steps in front of him.
“Yes, I am,” Erika says. She’s looking him directly in the eye thanks to the slope, but she seems taller all of a sudden. “I’m in charge so why don’t you run away, little prince?”
Rent’s jaw drops.
-----.
Is it smart to antagonize the prince? No. But I’ve been angry for days - weeks - now and he’s making himself an easy target. I stare him down as he slowly turns beet red.
“The disrespect!” the light user cries out. Her feet finally touch the ground as she drops beside the prince to brandish her staff at me. “You will address Prince Rent with full respect--”
“No.” I say. I switch my attention to her. Andrea? Aurora? “Why should I? He’s not my prince. Wasn’t he planning to run away? The situation hasn’t changed. He should still do that.”
“I won’t run.” Prince Rent does his best to meet my eyes, stepping in front of the light mage to do so. The effect is slightly ruined by his lack of breath, but he doesn’t falter. “This is the royal family’s responsibility. I’ll see it through to the end, regardless of what Mage Augusta and Knight Jameson suggest.”
“Great, awesome, very princely of you,” I say. “You’ve got your priorities, I see. Have you ever thought about what those family responsibilities cost others? People who aren’t part of your kingdom?”
“As a future  monarch, my duty is to my people.” Rent waves a hand back the way we came, towards the capital. “We are given the gift of prophecy to protect them. To save them. I will do anything to save my people.”
“But you won’t do anything to save Ben.”
“Ben became one of my people the moment he landed here.”
“You mean got kidnapped–” I start to say but get interrupted by Ben sliding between me and the prince.
“Thanks,” Ben says to Rent. He’s got his puppy dog eyes on which means he believes the other boy, for what it’s worth. “Don’t yell at him, Erika, he really has been here this whole time. It’s not his fault I got sucked here.”
“How could it be? He’s a kid.” I look between my brother and the prince. Ah, hell. I run a hand through my hair and meet Prince Rent’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be yelling at you.”
Prince Rent blinks. “Thank…you?”
“But,” I start and stop to glare at Ben when he groans.
“Just apologize and move on!”
I ignore him. “But it’s not fair for you to demand to be in charge. I know that you feel responsible for saving your world, but you can’t do that alone. You asked Ben to help you. He should get some say in how he helps.”
Miracle of miracles, the prince seems to be listening. “I didn’t think–”
“Don’t you dare condescend to Prince Rent!” Knight Jameson bellows. He stomps his way between Rent and I so that he can jab a finger in my face. “The Prince has sacrificed more than any other Royal in his pursuit to support the Hero–”
“That’s right!” Mage Augusta jumps in. “It is Prince Rent’s right to lead the Chosen One! Who are you to stand in our way? We’ve trained the Hero, we’ve led him here, it is our right to save our kingdom now in the last hour!”
“Oh my god.” I scrub a hand over my face. “Ben, like I thought, there’s no point in arguing with these people–”
“I’m sorry.”
The mage and the knight freeze. Even Ben looks behind him as if searching for another person who could have spoken those words. 
Prince Rent’s face is bright red as he repeats the words. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” I snap before I can think better of it.
His lip trembles. “I am.”
Oh fuck, there’re tears in his eyes. “Uh, but, you know, we share the same goal now - kill the Demon King - so no harm, no foul–”
“I’ve been calling myself your friend,” Rent says to Ben. A tear rolls down his cheek. “I–I haven’t been a very good friend. I know you didn’t want to come here, but I…I prioritized what I wanted without ever listening to what you wanted.”
Ben is just as bad with tears as I am. He steps towards the prince in a panic, his hands fluttering in the air like he can’t decide if he’s going to hug Rent or pat him on the shoulder. “I, er, really want to kill the Demon King now! Isn’t that what you want? We should go do that.”
“Let’s do that,” I agree. I look to the adults for help and flinch when I see their eyes are suspiciously wet as well. “Oh no.”
“Your sister is right. I need your help to save my kingdom,” Prince Rent says. He swipes at the wetness on his cheeks. “I’m sorry. The wizards should have asked before they brought you here. But you’re here now and I am asking you to help me. After…afterwards I’ll do anything you want. Even die.”
“Whoa now,” I say, “let’s dial back the teen angst a little.”
“That is all I can offer you now,” Prince Rent says. He drops to one knee and bows his head in front of Ben. “Please help me save my kingdom, Hero Ben.”
Ben squeaks. “No, no, no get up, Rent–”
Mage Augusta falls to her knees as well. “As Prince Rent says, we have done you wrong, Hero Ben. Please. Help us.”
Ben lets out a quiet moan of distress.
“I will accept Prince Rent’s punishment in his stead,” Knight Jameson declares. He takes to his knees as well. “I am an old and foolish knight, swept up by duty and prophecy. I wish to atone for my sins. But, until I can, I ask you to fight for us.”
It’s moving. It’s everything that should have happened when Ben first got summoned here. It’s the least of what they owe him.
Ben looks at me helplessly.
I clap him on the back. “Your call, little bro.” The display is making my skin crawl. I’m never going to forgive the people of this country, but that doesn’t mean Ben can’t. “I’m not the one they’re apologizing to.”
Ben looks down at the crowns of the people who helped kidnap him. “I…I can’t forgive you,” he says finally. 
Rent flinches and doesn’t look up from the ground. “That’s understandable.” He nods to himself and starts to stand up. “In that case, I’ll head up the mountain myself–”
“But you are my friend.”
“What?” Rent freezes in a crouch, halfway between kneeling and standing. He looks like he’s drowning and just spotted land. “Really?”
“Really,” Ben says. He stares up at the Demon King’s castle. “It’s shitty and awful what your kingdom does to people like me. I know you’re just trying to save your home. I would if I were in your shoes. It doesn’t excuse anything. I have a life too. A family and dreams that I can only realize in my world. In a way, this prophecy has been the Demon King in my life.”
“Ben, I…”
Ben meets Rent’s eyes. “You’ve hurt me but I…I understand. So I’ll help.”
Rent gasps. “Ben!” He throws his arms around my brother.
Mage Augusta sniffles. Then Knight Jameson.
I start power walking up the mountain.“You heard him! We’re going to kill the Demon King, let’s get going! No time like the present!”
“Sorry about her,” Ben says from behind me. “She’s really bad with emotions.”
Just for that, I make him jog to catch up.
—-------------.
It takes longer than I’d like, but we do make it to the Demon King’s castle. I have to stop twice to let Ben coddle the Delta Worldians when they really do insist on making a plan.
“It really does make them feel better,” Ben whispered to me while Rent drew an approximation of the Demon King’s castle in the dirt. “And it works. Sometimes.”
“There is one entrance to the castle,” I hissed back. I pointed up the mountain. “One. Which they know since it’s normally a tourist spot or something.”
“Holy monument.”
“Whatever.”
Then they wanted to stop again a little later.
“We should decide who goes through the door first.”
“Oh come on–!”
And finally we ended up exactly where I knew we would. Standing in front of the castle entrance, swords in our hands, and ready to charge in to fight some demons without any expectation of what might be lying on the other side of that door.
“Like we agreed, I’ll go first,” Knight Jameson says. “One. Two. The–”
“Now,” I say.
Ben and I come up one either side of him and kick the door in.
The doors slam open with a bang that reverberates through the stone hall beyond. Two goblins, both about the height of my waist, stare at us.
Rent doesn’t notice them right away. “I told you to stick to the plan!”
“Sorry,” Ben says and sweeps his sword across one goblin’s neck before it can lunge for the prince.
After that, it’s like riding a bike. One never truly forgets how to forcefully invade the Demon King’s castle once they’ve done it. We duck and roll through the first level and push a troll down the stairs once we get to the second.
“I’m going to be sick,” Prince Rent says when the creature hits the bottom with a crunch.
I wipe blood off my cheek. “You can,” I say benevolently. “It already smells like troll in here.”
“You didn’t show, er, quite this aptitude while training with me,” Knight Jameson says to Ben. He chops the next creature - a vampire - neatly in half. “Why?”
“Wrong sword,” Ben says. He twirls his so that the blood flicks off the blade. “I’m more of a rapier guy.”
“You couldn’t have mentioned that–”
“Break time over,” I say. I gesture for Augusta to take the lead with her mage’s light. “Less talk-y, more slaughter-y.”
Augusta gets tired of the vampires within thirty seconds. She calls the power of the sun to her hands and, just like that, we’re on the way to the third floor.
By the sixth floor, Ben is panting. “You…never…mentioned… how many…floors…”
I kick a wolf-lizard-thing in the jaw. “Excuse me if I skipped some boring parts.”
“Boring–”
It takes us another three hours to fight our way up to the top of the castle. Even Augusta is run down, walking alongside Prince Rent rather than hovering over him protectively. Her mage light flickers and then strengthens as we finally find a door.
“Ominous magic,” Augusta says. She’s leaning heavily on her staff. “Right through there.”
“Great,” Jameson says and collapses against a wall. “Let me just..get my breath back.” He wheezes like a horse.
I stare at the door to the throne room. Or what I hope is the throne room. If it’s another floor… “I say we kill him and take a nap.”
“Please,” Prince Rent says. He’s lost the fear and caution he had at the beginning of our journey. He steps forward and opens the door himself. Both Augusta and Jameson are too burnt out to even protest.
A sinister laugh echoes out to us, evil and rolling. It’s dark enough to send a chill down my spine, my fatigue washing away as the sound builds, louder and louder and louder.
The doors creak open without Prince Rent’s help, revealing that it is the throne room.
And the Demon King is waiting for us.
He’s alone and seated at the other end of the room, partially draped in darkness. His cloak is torn at the hems, his posture careless and unconcerned as he lounges against the arm of his throne. “I suppose it is impressive you’ve made it all this way, Hero. Too bad you’re too late.”
“Oh brother,” Ben mutters under his breath.
“Maybe I’ll leave one of you alive,” the Demon King muses as he stands. He’s giant, nearly eight feet tall including the horns twisting from his head. His first step towards us feels like an earthquake. “It would be a shame if tales of your stupidity died here with all of you.”
“We didn’t come to die,” Prince Rent says boldly. He steps forward, shoulder to shoulder with Ben. “We’ve come to fulfill the prophecy.”
“The prophecy never mentioned a foolish prince,” the Demon King says. His gaze falls on each member of our party as he speaks. “Nor does it speak of an ancient magic user or a washed up knight. Even the Hero is but a child! It is not a prophecy you’ve come to fulfill but a death sentence–” His voice dies as he takes one more step into the light and he sees me, still out in the hall.
I point at him. “AAAAAAH!”
“NO!” The Demon King shouts at the same time. “No, it’s not– it can’t be!”
I double over from the force of my laughter.
“What,” Ben says, “the fuck.”
“You’re dead,” the Demon King says. He starts to take a step back and then squares his shoulders. “O-or her daughter. Surely this is impossible?”
There is dawning comprehension on the Delta Worldian’s faces.
“Ben,” Rent says slowly, “when your sister said she dealt with a prophecy before, she didn’t mean here, did she?”
“Of course she did,” Ben says. He frowns. “Didn’t she say that?”
“Erika,” Augusta says. There’s something that sounds a lot like horror in her voice. “Erika.”
“Time moves differently in their world,” Jameson realizes. “It’s been over a century. How could we have known?”
“It’s IMPOSSIBLE,” the Demon King roars. He throws a bolt of magic at me, but it fizzles and dies before it lands. I’m immune to magic. By the look of dread on his face, he remembers.“That magic nullification–!”
“Stand back, Ben,” I say when I get my laughter under control. I grip my sword with renewed vigor. “Change of plans. This one’s mine.”
Ben looks between me and the Demon King. “Wait…seriously? That’s your Demon King?”
“Sure is,” I say. I grin when the Demon King throws another blood-red curse at me. “You still only know how to use magic, huh?”
The Demon King screams when I lunge for him.
—------------.
“A long time ago,” Augusta tells Prince Rent, “a Demon King was born.”
Prince Rent is trying to ignore the screams coming from behind him. “I thought they were all manifested?”
“That’s what we tell heroes,” Jameson says. He winces as a particularly wet sound comes from behind Rent. “So they don’t lose hope. Evil that is born is always more powerful and more dark than that which is manifested. It has connection to the earth below is in ways regular evil doesn’t.”
“Born, manifested,” Ben says, “it’s all the same.” Unlike Rent, he’s facing the action. Unlike Jameson, he doesn’t look disturbed by the fight. He looks bored. “Or so Erika says.”
“The King called a Hero,” Augusta continues. “A strapping young man from a world with technology you can’t imagine, your highness. He came and he promised us salvation. He gave us hope.”
“He died,” Jameson says. “On the Royal Road only a day’s ride from the mountain. The knights suspected poisoning.”
“Erika says it was dysentery,” Ben says. He shrugs. “Apparently your ancestors were pretty haphazard with army rations back then.”
Augusta clears her throat. “By the time another Hero could be summoned, half the continent had fallen to the Demon King. Floods ravaged our shores and our cities burned. Imagine the despair of our people when the next Hero the wizards found was a girl. A child.”
“She’s sort of always been violent,” Ben says. “She used to chase me around the house with a fake knife. I thought it was real–”
“Luckily,” Augusta says, speaking over Ben, “this girl was more than they thought. As fierce as our strongest knight. As intelligent as our King. As determined as the Hero before her. And she had a strange power that no Hero before had. The power to nullify magic.”
“It seems colossally unfair that I didn’t get a cool power.”
Rent pats Ben on the back consolingly.
“She saved us,” Augusta says. “Our country offered her every riches she could imagine. Titles and fame. Money and accolades. Our King himself offered to marry her and give her Delta World as a wedding gift.”
“Gross,” Ben says. “Remember she was like 13, okay?”
“That is a little gross,” Rent admits.
“It was a different time,” Jameson snaps. He waves to Augusta. “And you haven’t heard what she did.”
“The Hero laughed,” Augusta says. Her lip curls. “She turned her nose up at all our world had to offer. She took the trust we had given her and turned on us. She set fire to the castle that night.” Augusta lowers her eyes. “The King was lost in the blaze.”
Ben cheers.
Rent stares. “She killed my great great great grandfather?”
Ben stops cheering.
“Your great great great uncle, actually,” Jameson says. “Your great great great grandfather had to take the throne after his death. He pardoned the Hero but said she would receive no more rewards from Delta World. He ordered she return to her own world.”
“But the Hero wasn’t done with us,” Augusta says. She shivers. “The young girl vowed to destroy all that was sacred to us. She moved to set fire to Mount Trilbia. Fortunately, the new King was wise. He called the wizards to send her back. He knew their magic would not be enough to stop her, but they could expel her from Delta World. In the end, he could not bring himself to harm a Hero who had saved us all. They were successful and the Hero was banished from our world.”
Rent shakes his head. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why wasn’t I told this story? I should have known about a tale like this!”
“It is a closely guarded secret,” Augusta says gravely. “It is feared that other Heroes will be dissuaded from helping us should this information be available to them. Your father himself asked us to not teach this to you or your younger brother. The story of Hero Erika was always supposed to die with him.”
There’s the sound of a sword against flesh and then a gurgle. A body falls to the floor.
With dread, Rent finally turns to face the room.
Erika raises an eyebrow, sword still lodged in the Demon King’s throat. “Do you want to know what really happened?”
Rent swallows. It is an effort to nod.
Erika begins.
—-.
“I wasn’t stolen from my bed,” I say. The Demon King’s corpse is beginning the slow process of turning into a crystal. I’ll need to break the crystal once it’s done forming. I settle back on my heels. “My parents gave me to the wizards willingly. Can you imagine? It was a school night.”
Rent frowns. “What is a school night?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Ben says.
“So I got kidnapped here and made a Hero,” I say. “It was hard. It sucked. But I did it because I wanted to save people. And to go home,” I add as an afterthought. “I stopped being mad at my parents after the first time I almost died. Then I just really wanted to go home and see my grandma. See, she was a Hero too. She told me stories like I’m telling you. She said if I won, I’d get to go home. So I tried really, really hard to win.”
“Is everyone in your family a Hero?” Rent asks.
Ben shushes him.
“I won,” I say. “I was pretty traumatized by all the blood and stuff though. I didn’t have Ben’s stomach. So when the King so graciously told me that I had to marry him instead of going home I…snapped.” I shrug, unapologetic. “I was a kid. I didn’t realize the fire would get so out of control.”
“You admit you set it,” Augusta snaps. “You are a criminal!”
“It was supposed to be a distraction,” I tell Rent. “Sorry about your great great great uncle, I guess. He was a pedophile though, so…”
Rent meets my eyes evenly. “Why did you set a fire as a distraction?”
“To escape,” I say. I’m liking this kid a little more now that the Demon King is halfway done crystallizing. Ben and I will be able to go home soon. “I needed to get back to our world. He wasn’t going to let me. So I used the fire as a distraction and ran away to the other portal in the Guild.” I frown. “But I couldn’t get through.”
“Why not?” Rent asks. “You completed the prophecy, right?”
“Not quite,” I say. I kick the Demon King with my foot. My steel-toed boots tap against the stone part of him. “You need to break the crystal. Not kill the Demon King. I came back here to finish the job.”
“And set another fire,” Ben chirps.
I ruffle his hair. “You bet. Who wants a mountain that keeps growing those things, anyway?” I point at Rent. “Total overreaction on your great great great grandpa’s part to send wizards after me, by the way. Even after I explained why the mountain had to go, he was still mad! I barely made it through the portal back to my world before the knights could hunt me down. But I knew it’d be a matter of time before another Hero got summoned. I could feel the mountain’s pull on me even as I made it back to my world.”
“It’s a sacred mountain,” Augusta retorts. “You’re a criminal and a murderer. You should never have come back–”
“You kidnapped my brother,” I say. “How many times am I going to have to say–”
“My sister saved your world and got nothing for it,” Ben interrupts. He folds his arms and glares at Augusta. “And she just did it again. Maybe this time you can try thanking her for it instead of marrying her off to a creepy old king.”
I sigh as the Delta Worldians fall silent. That’s another problem with these people - they never know when it’s time to say thanks. “Right, well, no thanks needed, I guess, don’t rush to say it.” I pull my sword out of the Demon King before he calcify around it. “Is anyone feeling the heroic urge to stop me from setting the mountain on fire now or should I tell my story again?”
Immediately the elders start arguing.
“I don’t think you understand what holy is–”
“If you try, I’ll pick up my blade–”
“Do it.” Prince Rent doesn’t even look at his advisers. He nods. “No, you should do it this time. I’ll even help you. Mount Trilbia needs to go.”
“Prince, you can’t!”
“Prince Rent, the cost to Delta World will be enormous if you assist these criminals!”
“The cost is already too high,” Prince Rent snaps. He gestures angrily to the room, to the demon king, to Ben. “Look! Look what our devotion to this place has brought us! Evil that persists across generations, fear and destruction, a legacy of child abductions and deaths of those we coerced into servitude! No, no longer. It ends here. It ends today.”
I’m so moved that I start to clap.
“Stop,” Ben hisses and hits at my hands until I stop. “They’re having a moment.”
“They should have it faster,” I say. “The Demon King is just about ready to get smashed.”
“Shut up.”
“Prince Rent,” Augusta says. She grapples for an argument. “You can’t make such a decision on your own. Your father is the King.”
“My father,” Rent says evenly, “sent me here with full authority to support the Hero however he needs support. That now includes destroying this mountain.” He looks at Jameson. “I know you have detonation spells. I order you to use them. Now.”
Jameson stares at Prince Rent for a long, long moment. Then, slowly, he reaches into his belt pouch.
Augusta gasps. “Jameson, you can’t be serious! This is madness!”
“It is madness,” Jameson agrees. He never takes his eyes off Rent as he pulls the detonation spells out. “It is old madness, Augusta. The Prince is right. It needs to end today.”
This is so dramatic. “Totally,” I say. I make grabby hands for the detonation spells. “Let’s put one on the Demon King’s head.”
“Oh, fine,” Augusta says and snatches a few detonation spells from Jameson to set out herself.
The mood is somber as we set the detonation spells. That’s why I only giggle a little when I put one right between the Demon King’s eyes.
—----.
“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” Prince Rent asks. He glares at the portal before turning puppy eyes on my brother. “Just for the celebration feast?”
Ben smiles at the prince and takes the prince’s hands in both of his. “Rent. This has been an unforgettable journey. Our friendship means so much to me. So, please, don’t take it personally when I say fuck no.”
I cover my mouth to hide the laugh that wants to escape. 
“Don’t come back,” Augusta says from beside me. She’s watching the portal with interest, waiting for it to turn green once it connects to our world. “Seriously. I’ll assassinate you if I have to.”
“It was a mountain that grew demons,” I say incredulously. “I did you a favor!”
Augusta glares at me. “My children were born on that mountain.”
“It’s not like it’s no longer there.”
“It’s a smoking hole in the ground.”
“You can visit that hole!”
“Augusta, quit arguing with the girl,” Jameson cuts in before Augusta can say anything else. He sighs looking over the boys. “We all blew up the Holy Mountain. We will all pay the price equally.”
“It’s extra hole-y now,” I observe. I don’t bother to duck when Augusta throws a spell at me. As usual, it fizzles out before it can even touch my hair. “Oooh, do it again, maybe it will work this time.”
“I. Will. Assassinate you.”
“Try using a knife.”
“You–!”
“Erika!” Ben shakes Rent off of him. “Look! Time to go!”
The portal sparks green and settles.
I grin. “You think Grandma is waiting for us?”
“If they haven’t banned her from the premises yet,” Ben says. He grabs my hand when I offer it to him. “Together?”
“Together.”
We jump through without looking back.
_END_
OH MY GOSH THAT WAS SO LONG. If you stuck all the way until the end, thanks for reading! If you’d like to read stories like this or any of my 2nd person stories a week before I post them here, come check me out on Patreon (X)! New story already up. Thanks for reading!
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wizardsisananimal · a year ago
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every time you reblog one of my posts another wizard spawns somewhere on this earth
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thestuffedalligator · 9 months ago
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If the wizard you’re fighting is using two-to-three syllable pseudo-Latin magic words, that is a wizard you can absolutely punch in the face.
If the wizard you’re fighting starts reciting a rhyming couplet, you need to get out of there yesterday. You need to change your identity and hide your soul in a pin in a rabbit in a chest on an island that only appears once every three months and even then only to a third son, because any spell that rhymes will curse you, your dog, your descendants, and will somehow work its way backwards through time to curse your ancestors.
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evilwizards · 8 months ago
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The life cycle of the upright wizard (magi erectus)
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doityourselfbombs · 2 months ago
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girl help a horrifying and incomprehensible beast has escaped from my wizard tower again
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