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softsebnbuckystan · 3 years

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Soul ties - Part 7 (Bucky Barnes au)

“You had a speech, you're speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches”

"Steve told me about what happened. Are you okay?"

"Sure. Don't worry, Bruce," you said as you looked through the microscope. "We have work to do."

"This doesn't mean we can't talk about it if you need to."

You watched him mixing chemicals with hesitant hands. "This should work, by the way. I think I found the right..."

"What? The right what?"

"Shit," he muttered as foam started forming at the surface of the liquid. "We need to leave. Now, Y/n!"

Bruce ran towards you and dragged you out of the lab, closing the fire door. You were still right in front of it when the explosion went off, deafening you for a few seconds. You looked around you, wondering why no one else was freaking out about the lab blowing up.

"Y/n, hey, it's fine."

You looked around you. You were hearing Bruce again, but where was he? You pulled your hair, tears running down your face and your heart beating out of your chest. Everything seemed blurry and dangerous. Why wasn't anyone scared?

"I'll go get someone." That wasn't Bruce. Who? All you knew was it was a woman's voice.

You fell to your knees : why didn't they hurt?

"It's okay, I'm here. Breathe." You knew this voice. Of course you did. Why weren't you able to see whoever had spoken? Your vision was less blurry than before, but still... You couldn't think straight.

"Here. Do you feel my hands?"

A pressure on both your shoulders encouraged you to nod. You did feel hands on your shoulders. Looking up, you recognised his long dark hair, then the two blue orbs staring at you.

"Breathe in, slowly. You got this."

"Wh- what's happening?"

"Nothing bad. Just breathe. I got you."

Your feet left the ground as Bucky carried you somewhere. Your breathing was fast, just like his pace. You laid your hand on his chest, instantly feeling his heartbeat under your palm. It was so much slower than yours. You closed your eyes, shifting all your focus on this single heartbeat, doing your best to forget about yours.

"Okay, I'm sitting you down right now. You can open your eyes, it's fine."

You couldn't let go of him. You must've been grabbing his shirt really hard, because he decided to sit down next to you and keep holding you. When you opened your eyes again, you were surrounded by billions of stars. The familiar room soothed you, and so did Bucky's presence at your side. Your breathing calmed down progressively.

"Thank you," you whispered. "What happened? The lab exploded and...nobody cared. Is everyone okay? Did Bruce get out?"

"It was a minor lab malfunction. It was a minor explosion. No one got hurt."

"Minor? No, it was...it was so loud." Unwelcome memories were flashing before your eyes and you shook your head to drive them away. "It was like Sokovia all over again."

"Oh, alright... Look at me." You tilted your head up and met with his blue eyes. "You had a panic attack. It made you feel everything stronger. That happens, okay?"

"Does it? Do you have those to?"

He nodded with a sigh. "They're normal. After what you went through..."

"What gave you yours?" You bit your cheek. "Sorry. I just...when whatever this was happened, I saw them again. My parents. The bomb making our rooftop fall over their bodies. It was..."

"Hey, I'm here now." Bucky hugged you tighter and you gave in to the embrace. Damn, being close to him made you forget about everything else. "I have those in the middle of the night, sometimes. Whether it's because I remember something H.Y.D.R.A made me do or a nightmare waking me up, they're always like what you went through here. Thing is, you don't have to go through those alone."

You hesitated before taking his hand.

"H.Y.D.R.A.? As in...the ones that did those things to Wanda and Pietro?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't know they'd done those things to you too. I'm sorry."

Bucky gave you a weak smile before looking down at your joined hands.

"They're the one who gave me the arm. I mean, not this one, but...that's them. The super soldier serum, too."

"I'm guessing they didn't make you fight the Nazis..."

"I fought for them." He looked away, letting go of your hand. You furrowed your brows and grabbed it back.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," you said. "But you're back now. Alive."

"At what cost, though?"

"We wouldn't have met." You blushed instantly after saying that sentence. "I mean..."

"No, you're right." He looked back at you as he leaned his head against the wall behind you. "Sometimes I just feel like I can't get rid of what's left of them. I can't be the old me again."

You waited before saying anything back, putting some orders in your thoughts. "I never knew the old you. But I like who you are now."

Bucky paused for a moment, scrutinising your face as if searching for a lie. "I still feel, look too much like...like him. The arm was a first change, but..."

"It's not that easy. I get it. Just...know that's okay, too. It takes time to heal."

--- Two days later

"Look who's up, if that isn't the birthday girl!" Sam exclaimed as he handed you a cup of coffee. You'd just walked into the kitchen and you already had a smile on your face. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, dude."

"And look who woke up hours ago? Damn, y'all have messed up sleep schedules."

"Shut up, Sam," you and Bucky said in unison, causing you both to laugh a little.

You hadn't heard from Darren in two days, but you weren't feeling that down about it anymore. You'd been getting to know Bucky more and seeing him laugh along with you and Sam as the sun rays hit his profile felt like home.

"Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thanks, Bucky." You smiled to him but looked away pretty fast – this might or might not have anything to do with Sam looking at you with a grin.

"Anyway," he says, "I hope you're not busy working with Banner today because-"

Your phones buzzed, and the three of you read the name of the expeditor. You hesitated before you grabbed your phone and read the text Darren had sent you.

"Got plans for your birthday?"

"It's not what I wished he'd said...but it's a start, I guess." You let out a sigh, pondering what to respond with.

"Before that husband of yours interrupted me, I was actually telling you about your plans for the day, lady."

"Really? And what are those plans exactly, bird guy?"

"First, don't call me that or else I cancel the stripper Nat hired for you."

"The what?" You almost spat out your coffee, triggering Sam's laugh and bringing an amused smile to Bucky's face.

"I'm kidding, Y/n. We did plan a party, but no stripper. Sorry."

"You'll be the death of me. But thank you for doing that for me." You shook your head as you end up laughing along. Your mood darkened a bit when you read the text again. "Should I tell him to come?"

"If you want to." Sam shrugged. "Just remember how he talked to you the other day, and don't be too nice with him, alright?"

"What about this : I do, actually. It's up to you to show up tonight at the compound, if you really want to be there or not." Bucky tilted his head to the side before he nodded. "Okay, sent. Now what can I help with, for tonight?"

"Nothing! Bucky's picking up the cake last minute tonight, and Scott and I are in charge of the playlist."

"Then I'm sure it'll be a sick playlist. In a good way, of course."

"You like his music taste?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stop bickering, the two of you. And as a matter of fact, yes!" You chuckled at the thought of tonight's party. "Who will be there, by the way?"

"Pretty much everyone. Nat's coming back from D.C. for the occasion and Tony and Pepper said they'd come too. I think Sharon said she'd be there, and..."

"Ooooh, that'll make Steve happy," you chimed in.

"Don't say that in front of him. They kissed once and he's not even allowing us to tease him about it."

"He's no fun," you complained.

"I heard that!" Steve shouted from the other room.

"Go see elsewhere if we care, old man!" Sam laughed at your comeback, and you heard Steve chuckle as well.

Damn, your birthday was off to a good start. You could only hope that feeling would last.

-- I KNOW it's getting long, but bear with me and I promise you won't regret where these two will take you! I'm starting to think this will be 15 parts long max. Might be shorter too. Let me know what you thought about this part!

P.S. – Tell me if you want to be added to the tag list !

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @coniumalces @bluemoon-icecream @lady-loki-ren

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #james bucky barnes #sebastian stan imagine #tfatws #catws #cacw #marvel #captain america #self insert #x y/n

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seb-owns-these-tatas · 4 years

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Witcher of the Night (Chapter 17)

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

UPDATES FOR WITCHER OF THE NIGHT WILL BE PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY NOW IN MY TIME (GMT +8)

CHAPTER 16.1

WOTN MASTERLIST

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: You couldn't save everyone and it was a decision to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of a family you've began to hold dear. Your existence in the continent continues to confuse everyone, including you and Geralt himself.

Warnings: Blood? Poor Jaskier. Cusses. Implied rape from fuckin' assholes. No more glitters and rainbows. Bloedzuiger from the games? Gifs of Geralt with jet black eyes? I mean..why? shouldn’t it not be a warning? Heh.

Words: 5.9k

A/N: Anybody missed me?! Heehee! Now, I fookin miss Geralt and Midget together. Damn it. *sits in a corner and cries* I can’t believe I’ve surpassed my own curse where I only reach up to 5 chapters then keep a story unfinished due to lack of inspo and will. 😭😂 (Update has been earlier due to my uncle’s birthday tomorrow and I might not be able to use my laptop. Hehehe) We’re in the middle of the whole fic, bb’s. This is where everything’s going to happen now. Probably might earn some temple scratching somehow. Hehehe.

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE! Sorry for the grammatical errors and such because English isn’t my mother tongue! PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AFTER READING, BB!

Disclaimer: PNG’s and pictures used in edits are not mine even the GIF’s too. However, the edits and this fanfic is definitely from moi. (Credits to bi-jaskier and others who deserves credit for the gifs)

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

7 BILLION PEOPLE IN EARTH. YOUR DIMENSION. There was a myth that seven people might look exactly like you out of the billion that were born. Though, being identical was a once in a blue moon circumstance that held no support or proof that it happened.

Twins even had their own genetic differences, their DNA's were not even the same or even mutually identical to one another.

But, you were transported into another dimension that you didn't know about and based on their conversation and how you've perceived from what they were saying is that you have already been in their hands when it never even happened from the start.

They sounded like they've already seen you somewhere when they haven't at all.

Chevaliers circled around you with their swords sheathed from where it rightfully belongs. They've had a malicious glint in their eyes, dangerous and full of spite. Disgust even included in their humanized souls---if they were even still human. They were looking as if you were an oddball. Judgemental to the fullest; vaguely telling that you were considered as a freak for being the witcher's woman.

Forest green eyes scanned yours, listless but an anomalous situation from the group of uncharitable gallants who seemed to have similar odious characteristics. This cavalier stood out rather than the rest because his eyes held sympathy and not hostility. He was gracile, the same body built as Jaskier. But, wearing no armor just like the vampire you loathed the most. Other than a brown doublet which matches his chocolate colored hair.

He crouched before you, thoroughly scrutinizing your face under his gaze; finding something distinctive or common with the lass that they have captured three days ago, "Wasn't she the one we captured, Ty? That thief named Savia?" his tone held curiosity and astonishment when he saw the exact same face of the woman.

There was no differences except from the aura he could feel. You had her face, voice and body structure. Entirely the same for his wits to disfunction from what he has witnessed.

The scrubbing echo of gravel, dirt and leather made you turn your head to where it was. Tybalt. The fucking vampire who stabbed you on the hip and tried to sell those women away. He was there, right in front of you; grinning like a mad man like he has caught a mouse in the cage, entirely anticipating this moment to capture you once again with purposes you didn't know yet.

Kolby was nowhere to be found. After trying to protect you from the hands of Tybalt, your Hirikka was pushed back by the vampire and his strength, making you screech as Kolby loudly whimpered and growled when he'd stumbled; his back flat from the far distance before skedaddling off through the woods. The simple escape back to where he belonged pinched a your heart because he had already been a part of what made you happy with your stay in their dimension.

You didn't expect his leave to be so early; in the midst of being captured by the hands of real life monsters.

If people were scared of monsters in this world you were currently in, then they should think twice because the cruel form of life in every damn world was the humanity it thrives in; continuing to become cruel, vicious, evil and cunning because people lived to strive more with greed surging through their veins as their own demons try to conquer.

Humanity was everyone's main enemy and not their monsters.

Tybalt gave you a subtle tilt of his head, his grin utterly sinister; those teeth of his never showing the fangs that you have seen back at the marketplace when he was trying to provoke Geralt as he was butchering off his knightly minions.

The break of dawn was coming to a start. Peachy orange glow of the sun hiding began to rest beneath the mountains and clouds that looked the same back in earth. Its glow have made everything more frightening while you were surrounded by a bunch of armored men and a vampire who obviously had strength and skills to kill you in a blink of an eye.

Geralt never scared you because his heart was good. No doubt about that because he had offer you his house from the first day you've met, even treating your wounds and saving you from an Alghoul who wanted to eat your insides. But, Tybalt was different. He didn't appear to be like a person to trust even the slightest except if you were a princess in the castle.

He had his hands on his hips, eyes digging to examine your face. The way he stood held power and cruelty as he clicked his tongue, "S'not the feisty one. I know this maiden's scent. She's the real one, aren't ye', you wench?"

Tybalt abruptly crouched down in front of you, his fingers speedily grabbing onto your roots and turning them in an aching posture that had you growling, teeth barred from the feral reaction. The wrinkles of his nose shown when he defiled your space, abrasing the column of your neck that ignited an intense shiver from the disgust as you cowered away and struggled against his hold.

You've heard Jaskier's footing come to a stand, his doublet spilled with his own blood. Hair all wild and facial expression livid for their sudden visit. The golden, sharp dagger tightened around his fist as he marched heavy steps towards the higher vampire.

But, his assault came to a stop when one cavalier shielded him before he could have Tybalt within reach, strongly punching him in the gut that made him stumble to the ground in less than a second. Jaskier sputtered out droplets of blood, a pointed sword punctuating the tip on his jugular.

Jaskier's pained moans made you snarl right back at the queen's right hand man which made him instinctively tut, "But, the fragrance has a distinctive scent to it now---I don't even know what's runnin' inside the mind of this whore anymore," Pause. Tybalt huffed, scoffing with a grin as he interrogated, "---What did the witcher do to ye'?"

You could feel his terrible breath on your face. His hold unwavering from the resolute strength that he had when you lowly grated through clenched teeth, your eyes screaming elfish because of how you were trying to dillydally in hopes of seeing a white haired witcher to come running towards you with his horse. But, considering how he was probably out to hunt a monster, he was probably busy and distracted. So, expecting the worst was better than awaiting for a moment that will never come.

"Me." you fooled around despite being in the vampire's hold, "---He's doing me. I've waited for the time to say that if someone ever asks me what my lover does---so, worth it, Leonidas."

From your foolish response, Tybalt sneered before nodding off towards the paladins who surrounded both you and Jaskier; sharing an understanding to do what is needed and before you could even turn your head back to check on Jaskier, they were already beating him down to pulp. You've heard more grunts from the twink of a toubadour which made your eyesight go foggy from being hopeless and such a waste to live in their world where you had no magic to keep everyone out of danger, "No! Don't hurt him!" you shrieked out loud, the gallants never ceasing despite of your pleads.

More blood dripped out of the side of Jaskier's lip as he took another strong blow on the gut; making his body jerk that laid from the outstretched land of the meadow. You've uttered one loud scream to catch their attention, noticing the other gallant that you noticed to be standing on a corner was just watching everything unfold like he didn't want to be involved with their horseshit.

"I swear to God, he's a weakling! Stop!---please, stop! You'll have your witcher! I'll give you your witcher just stop!"

With one signal of his head, the cavaliers stopped their battering. Jaskier feebly straightened his limbs over the short grass, coughing out more blood from their corporal punishments, grumbling out a grouse from your choice of words in which you described him with, "Shit. Rat. I've stabbed three knights in the neck for you."

If Jaskier didn't acknowledge that fact and the risk which he has given to keep you alive, you wouldn't have noticed three dead bodies laying on the farthest end of the meadow where the forest began to meet its field.

You've harshly turned your head back to Tybalt, wanting to spit on his face for being one of the best imbecile in their world but decided against it to not irritate him further until Geralt was around. His eyes were livid, staring back at you and in your peripheral vision, you've seen the back door of your house slightly ajar, a slip of a pair of the prettiest blue eyes hidden behind the hatch that made you swallow from the consternation of Cirilla being found and taken with you.

If one person was needed for capture, it should be you; not the princess. If one was to leave their world, it must be you because you didn't belong to their dimension from the start.

One cavalier took his mask off, shaking his head for his black, medium length hair to fall down his neck as he curiously crouched beside you and Tybalt. Features telling you that he was stupefied from what he was seeing with his fixated gaze on your face, "There's a whole lotta' crazy we got here in the continent! The Butcher of Blaviken created bloodbath for this maiden?"

Though, astonishment isn't the only sensation he was feeling when you've felt his fingers graze upon the lines of your ear; seeming to be bawdy and suggestive from the sudden touch and you couldn't help but wrest away from his reach. Howbeit, Tybalt's hand that was yanking on your head made it difficult to.

"Though, this harlot is less feisty than the other! I would rather much have her for tonight,"

The knight's sentence was sheared off when he was strongly pushed by the shoulder from the vampire; his fingers pulling away from outlining your lips with his fingers as he fell on his ass flat on the ground. You've been pulled by the hair to stand, making you pant harsh breaths from how painful it was feeling. Hands were trying to wrench his fingers from your head but his hold was too tight for you to tweak away.

"Ingrith wants her untouched just like the other," Tybalt droned as he pulled you close to him, seeming to be tall as Geralt. His height being an advantage over your small form as he dragged you anywhere he wanted. The knight who was pushed to the ground grunted from how he was assaulted, scowling from Tybalt's shoving as he cackled in a shady manner when he heard the latter set boundaries from their current captive.

"Ye' know ye' shouldn't fuck with a witcher's tart, Allard."

"I would! The weccan' wouldn't mind, does he?" the disgusting cavalier brought his feet to a stand, dusting the grass from his flat derriere as he looked back at Tybalt with a slight tilt of his head; the longer his gaze holds, it turns even more disgusting as he looked like he was undressing you with those dark hues of his, they were the type of stomach-churning that can make you sick in no time, "Oh, she's probably a fuckin' freak like him, lad." the latter stated as a matter of fact, smirking in between his words as he nonchalantly continued.

"---Where's the freak?"

They were making your blood boil by how you could hear they were treating him. Has it been always like this in his world? ergo, he was living a life where people see him ghostly rather than a gifted human as he was seen in your eyes. You couldn't help but sarcastically giggle from their rude speech, "He has a name and it's Geralt. Don't disrespect him like that when you're actually the real freak, Edward." pause. "---You fuckers are worse than any other human." before you can even think twice, spit drizzled on Tybalt's face when you've fumed and barked back, "---More evil than the devil himself and I pray for each and one of you to go to fucking hell,"

"The devil don't exist here, ye' foolish cunt!"

Without any delay or second thoughts, a deafening sound of a slap has rumbled; it was a saddle-sore, the strong smack lingering longer on your cheek as excruciating as it can get. He probably used a little bit of his inhumane strength because of how you've descended down the ground; the side of your head hitting as your whole body fell. Your palms flat on the terra firma, receiving bruises on the edge of your lips because of how you've nosedived in it.

"Rat---!" Jaskier shouted from the background before you've heard the gallants haul him down to kick his face hard.

The asshole squat down to where you were stumbled down, his face showing no pity from what he'd done; slapping you on the face like you deserve it from being all talk and no help, "I suppose ye' don't know where he is. Fair enough then! Let's give er' a lil' bit of a chase---" pause. "---He must try and serve his purpose to the land of Kaedwen other than being a freak of a mutant and slaughtering monsters for coins,”

You spat out the metallic taste of your blood that went inside your mouth, shifting your eyes to where he was bent. You've placed your fingers on your side, gesturing towards the princess who seemed to be shaking and panicking from inside the house, seeing silver clasped around her hands as she was contemplating how to defend you both from the gallants. She had the sword that her and Geralt uses whenever they were trying to train; the weapon which has been in your hands as well.

But, you subtly gestured for her to stand down and hide. It won't be such a nice sight if she did want to help.

"You sound like the castle's loyal pet. Hilarious."

The whole scenario was a fight or flight, and the logical part of your brain screams to cooperate with what they wanted before anything ends up more badly than it can ever get. You lifted yourself off the ground, sitting on the floor while you give Tybalt the death glare as he grinned because he knew the action he did was a trigger for you to comply.

"Where's the other girl?" he chuckled, watching your fists tightened to your sides when you were on your feet. A bloody, deep gash on your cheek when some stone has scratched it and also from Tybalt's whack.

"Don't even think about it, you asshole." you immediately hissed when you knew he was talking about Cirilla. The latter also stood on his feet, tall and confident that his plans were going on the right path today.

"What? She yer' daughter? aren't ye' a child?"

"I'm no child, you fucker! Stop dissing my height like this!---and yes. My daughter. She's my daughter, so don't even think about it!"

Surprisingly, there was no tears seen in your face. They didn't deserve your tears. These people needed to rot in hell, you mindlessly thought to yourself and irritatingly bit on the insides of your cheeks which slightly drew blood from how angered you were. Peering up at the man who was giving you an obvious snicker because he could read that you were succumbing from how they've caught you in hindsight and in a weak position.

The lion cub of Cintra stood behind the doorway, crying her eyes out from how impotent she was because of how everyone wanted her to stay back. Cirilla knows she could help but people who surrounded her wanted not to use her powers as she has yet to learn and control. Hence, she couldn't do anything but watch another person in her life be in a snare or better yet, drown to die in this person's own blood.

So far, hearing those words hurt her heart because she couldn't do anything when you were unconditionally risking your life for her not to be involved because that's what it's supposed to be.

To you, she was being treated more than she can ever expect; the title of a daughter that she didn't knew she missed to need, a mother despite of being not connected through bloodline. But, a woman who would care for her well-being just like how her grandparents did loved her.

Consider herself lucky even though how unfortunate her life began. She received a father and a mother that will risk everything just for her to be safe and she knew she was crying right now because she cared for you; she was concerned like how a daughter would.

Your jaw tightened because you wanted to bash their skulls over and over again until they were dead. They probably was from how you've intellectually murdered them inside your mind since the moment they arrived. You irately peered up at Tybalt, your forehead tightly creased, mouth in a tight frown as you gave him a death stare.

"You want Geralt of Rivia right? then, take me. He'll come after if you take me, just don't kill Jaskier and my daughter."

Jaskier hurriedly shook his head and audibly muttered out his negations to himself from what you had in mind. You were surrendering yourself to them. The bard promised to the witcher not leave your side as much as he would do, but his family was prevailed over the count of cavaliers who came; thinking Geralt was probably there to fight with. But, no. The opposed held a number and Jaskier wasn't mutated nor skilled to know any form of magic for defense.

He knew today will be a loss and after hearing your next words, the humble toubadour knew that you've risked your life again for the betterment of their kingdom and theirs.

"Tell Geralt I seriously need some saving---and I promise this will be the last time I'm needing him again," you forced a smile, looking at the bard with your vermillion all drenched in claret red liquid while trying to send off the meaning that you would be okay while you were away with them.

Nevertheless, he never heard the fast, anxious beating of your heart for what will welcome you to wherever they decide to put you in.

Rough hands shoved you forward, making you look away from Jaskier as you began to take grudging steps to where Tybalt's horse awaits, the image of your smile falling was the last that Jaskier can remember before you left, "---Also, tell him I have a very important secret to say so he better hurry up!"

Scattered skeletons were buried beneath the dank ground of the gloomy swamps. Nightfall has taken its course when Geralt arrived; surprising to say that he arrived earlier than he expected to. Some trees were dead while the others have been cut-off by their limbs from inexplainable reasons. From monsters who probably lived in the area and based on how the moon aligned, it was already midnight; close to morning.

The witcher was wounded. Abnormally drained and in fatigue from using his little spells to slaughter the Bloedzuiger; his arm, back and torso currently in pain due to its acidic blood that splattered him, slightly ruining the body of his armor and the under shirt he wore.

Geralt has used Aard and Igni to fight off the beast and his energy spiked low to the point that he could sleep standing on the ground. But, the idea of his family alone made him push the plan aside because his family was more important than his life.

The latter even took a faster route to arrive and slaughter the beast earlier than his estimated days.

He was just beyond drained and parched tonight.

Long, begrudging sighs left his lips. His hair was sticking all over, eyes still black from the potion he drank, clothes all wet from being shoved under the water and a face too grubby that also held burnt patches that will surely heal in no time. Though, some will probably earn him a scar or two. He was stalking towards his horse, his silver sword that was used for monsters on one hand when the witcher has heard a tiny step of footing that broke a twig, making him slightly turn his head to the quiet noise he heard.

This intruder took more cautious steps closer and he wanted to curse out loud for all the interruptions that made his life more complicated than it already is.

Human. Geralt knew it was human. This person even had a scent to it. She was a woman who had a strong floral fragrance; rose and earthy.

"You shouldn't be here," he lackadaisically declared to no one in particular as he sighed for the hundredth time this day. Heedful of the woman hiding behind a dead tree as he strolled to where Roach waited, ignoring her as he strolled.

Thus, the woman was strong enough to acknowledge a witcher in his full form as she decided to walk towards him, talking in pure fascination to have seen one in the flesh.

"A Witcher. I've heard tales of your kind. Though, I’ve heard new wicked bavardage from town that this particular beast has slayed my own kind for the sake of saving one. Wouldn’t it be wiser to choose the lesser evil or the greater good?" she scoffed before continuing, “---aren’t you quite miserly to have done such thing by killing less or maybe more than a dozen and salvaging yours?”

Geralt dropped the loot that he has ransacked from the monster, dropping them inside his leather bag with a scowl. This woman's tone of voice perking his ears that made him cease his packing.

"You were never just a mere epic," she sarcastically laughed in spite. The timbre of her voice thoroughly distinctive and familiar for Geralt to be incorrect. He gave her a sharp side-eye, his eyes jet black when his mind went in befuddlement after recognizing a face that he managed to memorize since the moment that this certain woman came in his life.

"You're the witcher they're finding. The butcher! You were the reason I was taken! Feckin' Geralt of Rivia, aye!"

She was you.

A face that always keeps his mind going in haywires. Features that can be considered as a strong weakness for the witcher because of how he'd easily let his guard down with just a glimpse of a face that could ruin his resistance over having another woman be prone of peril in his dangerous, hindering life.

Even only hours of being away from you; half a day to be precised. With just by seeing her face tempted him to reach out for what he longed for; to touch the face of the woman who'd felt deep sensations for him---accepting of what he actually was with no judgement in her mind. The ache and worry in his chest was not helping how he yearned to never leave you alone in the first place.

He couldn't help but take a step close to the woman who also had the same height as you. His obsidian eyes staring straight into her soul like he'd seen the devil and he was happy to worship; jaw tight as his lips came with a lour.

Geralt looked utterly monstrous for a person who wasn't used to seeing his kind.

"Midget?"

The woman instinctively took a step back despite of how she was running her mouth a while ago; fear shutting her confidence that she could confront him for bothering a life she also dreaded to live in. Her eyes filled with horror and disgust in which Geralt clearly has seen without the use of his doubled up heightened senses.

She was not his tiny mortal. This woman in front of him was beyond different. The real you wouldn't look at him in sheer revulsion; no profound emotion in those eyes that he was used to seeing.

She had her brows in a tight twist, sending him a nasty glare that got him humming out in distaste from an attitude he wasn't use to seeing with a face like yours, "I'm not a fucking midget! What a shitty name you've got me! Doesn't sound too nice to hear too! Ya' fuckin' brought me ill-fate!"

Geralt was quick to turn around his heel. Brooding once again from the bafflement that got him thinking again. Why did you have a person who looked exactly like you in their world?

"You're not her." he stated as a matter of fact, sounding confident with his assumptions because the witcher knows he is right. Geralt walked over to his horse, huffing out a breath off his nose from sheer displeasure as he heard the woman jogging to where he wanted to go.

"Apparently not. You're mistaking me with another unfortunate little lady then!"

"Who are you?" Geralt didn't bother to give her a glance no matter how he wanted to relieve the longingness to see your face; to know that you were safe in their home with Jaskier and Cirilla, hoping that everybody was protected and safe from anyone.

But, this woman with him was not you. He needed to remember that.

She tightly crossed her arms on her chest, eyeing the brooding man as sharply as the woman could with her maroon colored cloak strapped around her shoulders, the hood off when she'd arrived to have seen him, "The name's Savia, witcher."

"Why are you here?" he timidly grumbled, his silver sword in a scabbard after the fight. Roach neighed aloud, huffing out a breath when Savia was an arm close to her, acting like she didn't like her.

Geralt couldn't help but raise a brow from his horse's sudden actions, bringing up a hand to shush her with his fingers brushing along her mane.

Savia can't help but take a cautious step back at that; his horse's reaction making her feel unwelcome and unwanted by the pair. Though, her blabber mouth couldn't help but run on and on, being all chatty when she was in the verge of being chased down by gallants. Savia knew she could outrun them like she wasn't even being pursued from the start because she has been doing this for years; stealing lots of valuable things then never being found after as she can always escape from the brutal hands of lords, inn keepers, and a whole lotta' more.

"I've escaped! Stolen goods from the castle? Their riches? Serves them right for keeping me in prison! Oh! I could steal yer' coins too, if you want. But, now I shan't retrieve them after telling all my plans! I'm no fool! I'm a skilled thief. Sounds professional, isn't it?"

She couldn't help but giggle, utterly blowing with the wind from the occupation she had; confident regardless of how unseemly her job was to live. Though, Geralt didn't give any negative reactions because he was the last person to judge someone who had an indecent job just to live in their world.

He kills and hunts monsters for a living. It doesn't sound too appealing for a normal human, correct? Hence, he wasn't in the position to criticize a thief especially when this poacher looks entirely like you.

"---I've killed some knights out there just to escape, ye' know? Maybe a bunch! Ye’ can still count em with your fingers!" the witcher ceased ferreting around in his bag when he'd finally given her his attention. The color of his eyes subsiding and turning back to its normal hue. Gold in the middle of the night like star light illuminating her gloom and it made Savia stare at him in awe because of how he typically looked like without the potion and all.

Well, hearing the gossips about him from the women in the brothels and men who shared their wicked tales were really true because the witcher who stood before her right now was a complete knockout who had a terrifying shadow he left behind.

Savia couldn't help but pout her lips inquisitively, catching sight of his amber heavily examining her face with a gist of feeling that she couldn't recognize because of how she has never receive nor experienced the look of love. But, the woman was sure he was only blinded by the fact that the face she had held whatever he holds dear; a person he had in mind that he swore to protect, desire and care for.

Savia has never seen a witcher look considerate and warmhearted. The opposite of what people claimed his kind to be. He was the butcher of Blaviken. Perhaps, she have been a witness of his character changing with one simple cast of a face he claimed to be important.

She knew that midget was too significant to him when his face turned back to normal, stretched in a way that has him looking anxious, bothered and utterly worried from the words he heard.

"I'm wondering how I've been involved by a witcher I never seen or met. They were weird! Got me bruises because I never knew where you were and I couldn't tell where ye' live!" pause. Savia's lips emitted an awkward scoff, "---Those fucking gallants did a number on me for days that I have been imprisoned. They were thinking you would go and save me---oh, shiver me timbers! No obsidian--golden eyed witcher would save me from my demise!"

Geralt torpidly blinked back at her, his forehead tightly creasing; trying to deliberate what was happening. His thoughts immediately skipping to bad ideas and outcomes because of the fact that you had someone looking like yourself.

"They were shitty and off one's rocker! Especially that sorceress because she wanted to cast me under her spell, trying to get me examined because I didn't belong to their world---wondering if I had some sort of magic in me for her to possess. She was batshite crazy!"

He couldn't help but irritatingly shut his eyes, mutely giving himself a talk while he kept his mouth shut; not risking to be heard nor is this woman close enough for her to know what's inside his thoughts. Geralt chose to stay silent, breathing down long heavy inhales and exhales from the drawbacks that suddenly occurred.

Here was destiny starting again.

Savia loudly huffed before him, raising a cocky brow when she hadn't heard that deep, gravelly voice that sounded unfamiliar from the ones she has always been hearing, "Are witcha's always this silent? I've been doing all the talking! It's like you're a mute!"

The Witcher heard footfalls coming from a distance. Two gallants. It was only a pair for now and if the woman didn't took her flight before the entire horsemen arrives, she would be taken again and be behind bars in the fortress of Kaedwen.

Would he save the thief who made everything more complicated by looking exactly like you? Creating a mishap by stealing jewelry from the queen?

Everything he thought about would result in an intense migraine because Geralt know you'll be accused of a crime that was never done by his midget. Therefore, taking you in for captive would end up being like hitting two birds in one stone; they get to have him running off to where the castle is and also have the accused thief who didn't need no convincing because of how Savia showed up in their lives; ruining yours.

"Fuck. Why did you need to show up now and complicate things---even had to fucking steal ornaments from the queen with a face who is utmost valuable to me."

The frustrated question was sent to Savia who stepped back from the latter; his teeth suddenly barred and feral, sharply staring down at her. Totally irritated by what she'd done. Geralt heard metal being dragged out of its scabbard and it took him one turn of his head to be welcomed by two knights who was ready to pounce on him by seeing what he was.

One of his monikers slipped out of their tongues with such disgust and a hitch of their breath. There was no use for killing cavaliers tonight because this woman hardly have been involved in his life, yet he would still save because of having a weakness that seemed unfair for her to have.

Geralt raised his hand towards the taller knight who opened its mouth to shout at his fellow horsemen who held their torches from a far distance when suddenly a string of glowing, white line shot through his head; casting Axii for the men to take despite of how the witcher was feeling low with his energy that has been used prior to hours before they arrived.

It was a simple magical sign where it compromises hypnotic effect; it can be used to calm down people or animals, manipulate their minds or be used to hex enemies. A triangular white symbol surrounded the string of line which paved its way towards their heads; passing through both as they were momentarily stunned, acting as if they were puppets and Geralt had the strings.

Thus, after a while; Savia was astonished to see both armored men attacking each other like they were in a battleground and they were both forgotten.

Yet, it wouldn't last long.

"Witcher! What did you feckin’ do?!" she squeaked, heart beat racing from the adrenaline rush.

Geralt had not taken a second before jumping on his horse, gripping onto her reigns and pulling to turn her around, quickly nudging her to gallop towards the path back to where he could go home.

He needed to come back home. The heavy and worried feeling inside his chest wasn't just the result of overthinking. Geralt knows that there was something happening now and it wasn't good. He needed to know if you were safe, all in complete set of limbs when he sees you, if ever he could even get to again because the dreaded feeling was rising higher in such a toxic amount that would make him blame himself when you're gone.

Geralt couldn't even think straight for even contemplating about the idea that you were gone and out of his reach.

"Leave before they actually kill you. It can only last for seconds due to the energy left in me,"

He'd run off before Savia can even acknowledge his kindness. The Butcher of Blaviken has helped her escape. He wasn't a murderer nor did he hurt her.

"Geralt of Rivia, right?!" she yelled out to no one in particular after watching Geralt leave with his horse. The simple yell has caught the attention of more gallants, seeing the flames of their torches walking their way through the forest and through the swamps that got her zipping her mouth shut. Those two hypnotized gallants falling on the swamps behind her from beating each other to death.

Savia couldn't help but hum in interest, whisper-yelling her next words as if the witcher can hear her amongst his troubled heart.

"---Thank you for letting me escape! you're helpful after all!"

Geralt please axii my puxii LMAO. FEEDBACKS ARE SO MUCH APPRECIATED! (Strikethough over the tags mean I couldn’t find your blog, bb’s.)

Taglist for WOTN: @alyxkbrl @himarisolace @barkingbullfrog @ayamenimthiriel @hellodevilslittlesister @vania-marie @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us @nympeth @amirahiddleston @gabethelobster @dreaming-about-starfleet @uncoolcloudyhead @melaninstylezz @psychosupernaturalhero @missjenniferb @dance-dreamer @marvelousell @kingniazx @angelias134 @tapismyforte @chook007 @covid-donotenter @deadlydemon @cheesecakeisapie @angelofthor @carrieannewaywardson, @plantingmum @stuckupstucky, @shesthelastjedi, @a--1--1--3, @gutfucks, @raynosaurus-rex, @britty443,

Overall witcher taglist: @pizza-eater-i-ate-the-pizza, @crazybutconfidentaf

General taglist for Henry Cavill: @agniavateira, @iloveyouyen, @rahdaleigh, @silverkitten547

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angelliev · 4 years

Text

Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Fourteen - Spilled Tea

Word Count: 3.3K

Summary: Aria wakes up in the hospital to be greeted with drama. Secrets are spilled within the room.

Warnings: Hospitals, cursing, crying, Claude being a jerk and much more.

A/N: Here’s the piping hot tea. Hehe. (Not my GIF. I don’t own any of the characters or the show.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

The blinding white lights of the hospital attack my eyes that attempted to flutter open. I scan my surroundings when my eyes finally adjust. I could hear the heavy rain pattering on the windows. Outside is all gloomy and wet. I sit there confused as I try to remember what happened. I then notice someone slouched next to me. I immediately recognize the mop of blonde hair and light snores. I lightly shake his shoulder, causing him to snap his head up. His eyes light up when he sees my awaken form. “Aria! You’re awake! You scared the shit outta me.” He hugged me tightly and littered my face in kisses. “Sorry about that lover boy. Speaking of, what the hell happened?” I asked out of curiosity.

“You passed out on the boat and cracked your head open. Don’t worry, your mom said you’ll be okay.” He reassured me. It all starts to come back to me. “She must be freaking out. Does she know what caused me to faint?” I can already see my mother asking me a billion questions. “Not yet. They’re still trying to figure that part out.” He nods his head. “How long was I out?” I asked. “Since you passed out yesterday. They had to put you under anesthesia while stitching you up, so that kept you out till this morning. I stayed here all night waiting for you to wake up.” He rubs my hand. This made my heart flutter.

“They let you stay past visiting hours?” I asked surprised. “Your mom may have snuck me in.” He smirked. Why does that not surprise me? “I called your sister by the way.” He said, making my eyes widen. “What did she say?” I pushed for an answer. “She booked a flight out here as soon as I told her. She’s getting here as fast as she can.” "Thanks JJ. It’ll be nice to see her again. I just don’t know how my parents will react to seeing her pregnant.” I say nervously. Her due date is in June and its already April. She’s definitely showing.

“They still don’t know?” He asked incredulously. “No, she wanted to be the one to tell them.” “Well they’re definitely gonna know now.” I say. I felt guilty not telling my mom or brother about the pregnancy, but it’s not my story to tell. I still don’t know what the gender of the baby is. I’m really excited to be an aunt though.

The door to the room opens, revealing my mom, who smiles at my state. “Sweetheart! You scared me! How are you feeling?” She hugs me tight. “I’m okay mom really. Just a little tired and sore.” I try to calm her down. “It’s about time for you to take your prescription. I ‘m just glad you’re okay. You’re lucky to have such amazing friends and a stubborn boyfriend.” My mom teases JJ, causing him to blush. “He refused to leave your side. I had to sneak him in so he’d stop freaking out.” I giggle watching the two smile.

“Speaking of my friends, are they here?” I asked wanting to see them. “They were until visiting hours were over. They were sent home, much to their dismay. Your father should be here soon as well. He was at a business meeting in Philadelphia.” Great. Just the person I wanted to see. “What about Damian? Where’s he?” “He went home after visiting hours. I’ll give him a call and tell him you’re awake. Make sure to call your friends, they were pretty worried about you.” My mom suggested about to leave the room before turning to us.

“JJ, I never got to thank you for what you did. Not just for yesterday, but also for defending her against Rafe. I really appreciate you standing up for my daughter. It means a lot to me love.” She thanks him sincerely. “It’s no problem, really. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” His words make both of us smile. “I know you would. Thank you. I’ll be back in just a moment. Call your friends.” She leaves the two of us alone. “Now if only my dad loved you as much as my mom.” I say. “Tell me about it. He always looks like he’s ready to bury me whenever he sees me.” JJ agrees as he calls JB. “Hey man. Get down here. Aria woke up. Yeah, she’s alright. See ya later man. Bye.” He hangs up before turning his attention back to me.

“You sure you’re okay babe?” He asked once more with puppy eyes. “I’m fine really, thanks to you guys. My heroes.” I peck his lips. “Next time, if you’re feeling off, just tell me and we’ll stay home.” “Yes mom.” I tease, earning a kiss from him. The two of us just sat there scrolling through channels. Soon, the Pogues start pouring in, questioning my being and covering me in hugs. Kie, Charis and Sarah held flowers and teddy bears. My brother followed in not too long after. It just occurred to me that this was the first time he had met JJ and the Pogues.

“I want to thank you guys for what you did. Which one of you is JJ?” My brother asked. Oh boy. “That would be me.” My brother turn to the blonde, before walking up to him and holding his hand, which JJ gladly shakes. “Thanks for kicking Rafe’s ass when I wasn’t there. I appreciate you looking out for my little sister.” The two share a smile. “The pleasure’s all mine.” Looks like those two will get along just fine.

“Aria?” A familiar voice had made everyone’s head turn. There stood Jennifer, with her impressive baby bump. My eyes lit up to see her. Everyone’s eyes nearly flew out of their sockets when they saw my very pregnant sister standing there, before she waddled over to hug me. Collectively, except JJ and I, everyone had said, “What. The. Fuck???” Not holding back. “I came as soon as JJ called.” Everyone looked over at the guilty blonde with shock written all over their faces.

“Hold up. You knew two knew she was pregnant?!” Damian asked the two of us. Jennifer turned to Damian. “Surprise?” She said nervously. The awkward silence in the room had lingered for a moment, until Kie broke the silence. “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think we should grab some lunch and let these guys talk this out.” The Pogues, all agree and begin to leave the room, well except for Charis. “But this is some piping hot tea! I wanna hear!” The girls drag her out of the room. My mom enters not too long after.

The look of shock was written all over her face, when not only did she see Jennifer, but her gigantic baby bump. My mom and brother began questioning her. “You’re pregnant? Where have you been? Why haven’t you called?” The two asked frantically. “I’ll explain everything. I just need you guys to calm down.” She says. “What in the actual fuck?!” There in the doorway stood my father. “It’s about to go down” - Kevin Hart

“What the fuck is that?!” He points to her blown stomach. “It’s a baby bump you fucking idiot!” Jennifer snaps at him, surprising all of his. Looks like she’s had enough of his shit. “More like a slut bump!” His hateful words anger everyone. “Watch your language! This is our daughter you’re speaking to!” My mom scolds him. “You have some explaining to do! What the hell is going on?” My father yelled. “Stop yelling at her!” Damian stepped in. God, I wish I was high for this conversation. “Everyone calm down! Let her talk!” My voice breaks the chaos. “Thank you.” Says Jennifer.

It took everything in my father to sit down and let my sister explain everything. The pregnancy, moving to Boston, Andrew Coleman, who is now her fiancé. Everyone just listened as they tried to process what was going on. My dad stood up as he paced around the room. “So, you’re telling me, that you moved to Boston, pregnant with this man’s kid and now you’re marrying him?!” Claude asked astonished. “Yes.” “Why?!” His eyes were filled with anger. “Because of you and Rafe! You two were the ones who had pushed me away. Not mom, not Damian, and not Aria! You! And that’s not even the worst part! I learned that you were trying to set Rafe up with Aria! Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because I left, means you could push you next daughter to marry him? You’re fucked in the head you know that?” Jennifer yelled angrily.

“Everything was fine, until you little pricks screwed it up! Now your mother is pressing charges against Rafe!” My father looked like he was about to pop a vein pointing at us. “I’m sorry I’m pressing charges, because he assaulted our daughter who you clearly don’t care about!” My mom shouted. “Don’t care about? Woman I left the middle of my meeting to fly out here! Don’t tell me I don’t care about her!” He talked back to my mother. “Oh really? Cause the first you did when you walked in here, was yell at Jennifer. You didn’t even ask if Aria was okay! She just cracked her bloody head open!” “She’s alive is she not?!” Fucking dad of the year right here. “Gee thanks dad. Really appreciate your concern.” I said sarcastically.

Someone knocks on the door. Housekeeping. JJ pokes his head in to see all of us staring at him. “I take it this is a bad time.” You think?! My dad’s face begins to sweat out of frustration. “What the hell is he doing here?!” He points. “Don’t be rude! He and his friends were the ones who brought here to the hospital!” My mom defended him. “What does he want? A fucking cookie?!” Jesus Christ shoot me know. Can this get any worse? A nurse peeks her head into the room.

“Dr. Prescott, you might want to take a look at this.” The woman looks between all of us. Elaine steps out with a sigh. My dad paces around the room frustrated before speaking to JJ. “This is all your fault. You know that? Aria was perfect, then you showed up and corrupted her.” Before any of us could say anything. “She’s already perfect! Always has and always will be! I know you think I’m not good enough for your daughter. I may not have fancy yachts or mansions. I may come from a shitty home life. But sir, I love your daughter with every bone in my body. I’ll do anything to make her happy. I may be young and stupid, but damn it loving her was the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’ll never stop loving her. Her name is forever inked on my body just to prove that!” JJ shouted before revealing the tattoo of my name. That’s my man. “Kill me now.” My father mutters.

The door creaks open slowly. My mom’s eyes fall on me. She looks like she had seen a ghost. This makes me scared to the core. “Mom? What’s wrong?” I asked cautiously. She doesn’t answer. “Everyone, please remove yourselves from this room.” My mom requested calmly. “Like hell,” My dad doesn’t get to finish his sentence, before my mom snaps. “Damn it Claude! This is between me and Aria! If you don’t leave, I’ll have security show you the door!” Mama’s mad - JJ. Everyone leaves the two of us alone, the door shuts on the way. “Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s this about? Please don’t tell me I have cancer.” I begin to panic. “No, it’s nothing like that.” She calms me down. “Then what is it?” I asked confused. My mom just sits there for a moment, hesitating to answer.

“We tested your blood and samples. Traces of the hCG hormone came back positive.” She explained as I sat there dumbfounded, not understanding. “What does that mean?” I asked confused. She just looks at me with sympathetic eyes. “Aria, you’re pregnant.” Her words made me freeze completely. My blood ran cold and my eyes watered. A thousand thoughts began to run through my head. This can’t be true. I must be dreaming. I’ll be waking up in a few minutes!

“We estimated that you are about three weeks pregnant.” I ran my shaky hands through my hair. “Mom, what am I going to do? What am I going to tell JJ?” I asked frantically. “We’ll figure this out sweetheart. I’ll be by your side the whole way.” She held my hand. “Can you send JJ in please? I want to see him.” I cried. She simply nodded her head before inviting him in. He rushed to my side immediately.

“Babe what’s wrong?” He asked concerned, wiping away my tears. “If I tell you, you’ll hate me.” I sob. He looks hurt by my words. He takes my face in his hands. “Baby, look at me. I could never hate you okay? I love you too much to hate you. Whatever it is, you and I will get through it together. I’m not going anywhere I promise.” He kisses my forehead. “Now, what’s the matter?” He asked. I couldn’t find the courage to find words, with my tongue tied and the lump in my throat.

“JJ, I’m pregnant.” I whisper, more tears stream down my face. The silence in the room made the situation even scarier. His eyes bulge and his hands run through his hair. “JJ please say something. You’re scaring me.” I plead. He huffs. “I’m sorry. I’m still trying to process this. We’re having a baby? Like for reals?” He asked nervously. “What else would we be having?!” My heart beats fast. “I’m sorry! I’m scared too okay. I don’t want to grow up to be like him okay!” Tears began too well in his eyes, as his insecurities poured in. His father’s words coming back to him. “I can barely give you anything! How am I supposed to give our baby anything?” He stressed. “You are nothing like your father. You’ve given me so much love and care, I know you’ll do the same for this baby. We’ll raise this baby together. You’ll be a great dad. I know it.” I hold his head in my lap.

“What are we supposed to do about housing, groceries, diapers and everything else?” He asked already worried. “You let me worry about the financial situation.” My mother steps in. “We can’t ask you to do that Mrs. Prescott.” Says JJ. “I want to. I don’t want the parents of my grand baby to be starving or homeless.” She looked at the two of us with nothing but love.

“What are we going to tell dad?” I asked nervously. She just sighs. “I don’t know. It’s honestly up to you. I didn’t think you were going to tell him. Can’t say I blame you.” My mom looked at him sympathetically.

“Tell me what?” My father’s voice interrupted us, Jennifer and Damian walk in. For a moment we all just stood there not knowing what to say. “Dad, you might want to sit down for this one.” I warn him. “Oh, for the love god, out with it!” He demands. “I’m pregnant!” I decide to let it out. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to bust out laughing. He kept laughing until he realized no one else was. “You’re serious?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” He kicks a chair making me jump. “Claude! Calm down!” My mom yells.

“How do you expect me to be calm when both of my daughters are knocked up? One’s pregnant with a man we never met, while the other is pregnant with a pogue’s kid! This is a monstrosity! We can’t allow this!” He declares, making our brows furrow. “What are you talking about?” Asked mom. “She’s getting an abortion and that’s final. We still have plenty of time.” His words made me see red. “No!” I shout. “Excuse me?!” Claude looked at me with ferocious eyes. “I am having this baby! This is our baby, not yours!” I yell grabbing JJ’s hand.

“The hell you are keeping it! It’s just a fetus!” Claude protests. “This is not your decision Claude! She’s the one who’s pregnant. Not you.” My mother takes my side. “Bullshit! She’s my kid I’ll do whatever I want with her. And if that means I have to rip the child out myself then so be it!” He grabs a hold of my arm, dragging me out of bed, while everyone tries to shove him off of me. “You monster! Get off me! Help!”

“Get the fuck off her!” JJ punches Claude across the face, which seems to piss him off even more, causing him to grab JJ by the shirt. Damian is finally able to pull Claude off of me. Jennifer and my mom pull me up from the floor. “I’ll kick your ass if you ever touch her like that again!” Yelled JJ. “Fuck off! She’s my kid! I’ll do whatever the hell I please!”

“She’s not yours!” My mother’s voice echoes throughout the room. Everyone stared at her for a moment, in disbelief, unsure we heard her right. “What the hell did you just say?” Claude asked in disbelief. “She’s not yours, Claude.” My mother says softly. Her eyes full of shame, as she looks over to see me in complete utter shock. Words can’t find their way out of my mouth. “You fucking liar! You’re lying!” He denied. “Why would I lie about that?!” My mom shouted, tears in her eyes. “Okay, well if she’s not mine, then who’s the father? Tell me goddamn it! Who’s her father?!” Claude knocks over a glass. My mom doesn’t answer. She just stands there silently holding her ground.

“She’s his. Isn’t she?” All of us sat there in confusion, as to who they were talking about. “You lying whore!” Damian grabs my father by the collar of his shirt. “You watch your mouth when you talk to my mom!” “She’s a liar and a cheater!” My dad defends himself. “Like you aren’t?! We all know you’ve been cheating on mom for years now, so don’t act all innocent! You think we don’t know about your mistress? Don’t shit on mom because she was tired of being in a loveless marriage, and you refused to sign the goddamn papers. You gave her no fucking choice!” Jennifer called him out triumphantly.

“Screw you guys! You deserve each other!” He yells before turning to Jennifer. “You can go back to Boston for all I care! And you!” He points at JJ and I. “Don’t even bother coming back home.” He said heartlessly, tears began to well in my eyes. “Where am I supposed to go?!” “Why should I care? You’re not even my fucking kid!” His words stung me harshly. “Enjoy your little bundle of joy.” Claude says before leaving the room. I finally break down in the bed, not able to hold back my sobs. JJ wastes no time pull me into his strong arms, letting me cry into his shoulder.

“Just let it go, baby. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I love you and I’m gonna love this baby. I promise.” His soft words bring me comfort as I cry. I don’t know how long we laid there with him just holding me and whispering sweet nothings into my ears as I let all of emotions out. At this point, I didn’t care about what my dad, er, Claude had said. I have JJ and our beautiful creation inside me.

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut #obx netflix #obx fanfiction

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Hi there! If your ask box is still open, how would Masamune, Nobunaga, Ieyasu, Sasuke, and Hideyoshi react to their favorite character from their favorite story coming to life (suppose the reader is their favorite character)? Thanks!!

(｡◕‿◕｡)Hi, there love! Thank you so much for the request! Hehe, honestly I had a hard time wrapping my head around this! I had so many ideas bouncing around lol, but this is what I ended up with, lol I am not sure if this is what you envisioned but yeah. So I am a sucker for romance fairytales, and I know absolutely nothing about Japanese fairytales… oops… so I chose some of my favs. I hope that is okay with you!

Warlord React to Fairytale character coming to life feat: Masamune, Nobunaga, Sasuke and Ieyasu

Masamune- Tarzan

Every night as a child while the head maid tucked Masamune in bed, she would tell him a new fairytale (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Masamune’s life was hard, with him having killed his father and his mother constantly trying to kill him

The maid knew he needed to escape and the best way for a child to do that is through imagination (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Masamune had taken a particular liking to one of the fairytale

Tarzan (✪㉨✪)

He like that he was strong, wild and free ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Although Tarzan was by no means his favourite character, his favourite was Jane ❤

His eye would light up in delight the second Jane entered into the story

♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

He loves how she spoke her mind freely and how she lived with so much conviction (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)

He would often tell the maid that if Jane were a real woman he would marry her in a heartbeat -ω(‘•ω•｀)♡

Masamune forgot about the story of the wild jungle man and the stubborn love interest as he grew older

Until one night

He was out in the forest taking a walk and clearing his head when he saw a woman falling out of the sky (◯Δ◯∥)

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief (ﾟωﾟ;)

He steadied himself and caught her in his arms (っ*’∀｀*)っ

NO WAY ◉_◉

He got a closer look at her- IT WAS JANE (•ω•)

He asked you a billion questions �(ﾟ□ﾟ*川

You had told him that you didn’t know who Tarzan was, and that you were busy walking in the jungle when all of a sudden the sky swallowed you up

(｡◕‿◕｡)

Cue masa smirking like a cat that got the cream (^-人-^)

He showed you around Azuchi, and you were amazed by everything

You were especially shook to see Masa having a pet tiger (◕▿◕✿)

Masamune was completely awe stuck you were exactly how the stories described you to be, strong, resilient, determined, stubborn and extremely curious ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

Just as you had saved him in his childhood, you had appeared to him once more to help him, except this time you were real (◠‿◠✿)

You lead him out of the darkness that covered him and back into the light, in some ways his life was like Tarzan and finally he had found his Jane

(>^_^)><(^o^<)

Nobunaga- Snow white

Nobunaga loved his mother, she was the kindest sweetest person in the whole world (◕ω◕✿)

Every night before bed she would tell him a love story about a fair maiden and an evil queen

❀◕ ‿ ◕❀ (｀∀’)Ψ

Nobunaga loved this story, and he would always low key get jealous of the 7 dwarves getting to live with such a wonderful person (ʘᗩʘ’)

(¬_¬)

He found her innocence and purity refreshing, and he definitely wanted to kill that evil queen for trying to poison his love with an apple

̿ ‘“\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’ ̿’ ’ ̿

His mom would always just laugh and shake her head when he would loudly proclaim

“Wherever you are evil queen you better watch out cause ima kill you for trying to hurt my precious snow white” ╭( ･ㅂ･)و

That night as Nobunaga was staring at the moon and drinking sake, when a fond memory popped up (人◕ω◕)

He remembered his mother and the wonderful stories she would tell him as a child

(◕‿◕✿)

He went to his desk drawer and fished out the old fairytale book

He traced over the name of the book with his fingertips (´･ω ･ )…oо

“I wish I could meet someone as wonderful and you one day”

(◡‿◡✿)

At that moment a shooting star flashed across the sky and the book he was holding started to glow (꒪ȏ꒪;)

Nobu threw the book in panic and it landed in the middle of his room

（ノ○Д○）ノ＝＝＝┠

He watched as the book opened up and the light coming from inside growing brighter and brighter ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

Nobunga was SHOOK ◉_◉

A beautiful woman with lips as red as a rose, hair black as ebony, and skin as white as snow appeared before his eyes (;ﾟдﾟ)

You looked up at him with her big doe eyes, and he instantly lost his heart

(⋈◍＞◡＜◍)。✧♡

You were super confused, one moment you were in the forest with some creepy dwarfs accepting an apple from some nice old witch lady, and now you are here ☼.☼

Oh right the apple, you honestly could never say no to free snacks

As you lifted the apple to take a bite (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

“NOOOOOOO DON’T EAT THAT” ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

“Why some nice creepy old witch gave it to me, plus I'm kinda hungry”

“Silly girl, it's poisoned, didn’t your mom ever teach you never to accept food from strangers” (ー_ー)!!

“Nope”, you were super naïve and way too trusting

(✿◠‿◠)

You took a bite of the apple and in the next moment everything around you went black (︶｡︶✽)

“Fool, good thing mother taught me what to do in these kinds of situations” (≖ᴗ≖✿)

Remembering that the kiss of true love could break any curse he gently cradled you in his arms and leaned in to kiss you (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡

He stopped mere millimetres away from your lips, doubts creeping in

“Perhaps I'm the fool for having believed in fairytales all my life”

And with that, he kissed you (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

And the two of you cuties lived happily ever after

♡｡ﾟ.(*♡´‿` 人´‿` ♡*)ﾟ♡ °・

Ieyasu- Sleeping beauty

As a child Ieyasu moved around from place to place as a hostage

His favourite place was with the Oda family （´・｀’ ）♡

Yeah Nobunaga was alright, but his mom, his mom was so sweet and kind (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

She would drag him to sit with her and Nobunaga and read them fairytales

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Ieyasu would always roll his eyes at the young Nobie proclaiming the snow-white would one day be his wife ⚆ _ ⚆

“Yeah right if anything you will probably end up marrying the evil queen”

(¬‿¬)

Cue Nobu wrestling with Ieyasu

(ó ì_í)=óò=(ì_í ò)

“Don’t pretend like you haven’t taken a liking to the princess in that one story” ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

(；一_一)

“OOoooh really then why do you always blush whenever mother mentions sleeping beauty” young Nobu would say with a smirk ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

“S-shut up, I don’t know what you're talking about” the little Yasu would reply while giving Nobu a brotherly punch (*≧∀≦*)

Years later

Ieyasu dreamt about Nobunaga and his mother and the story about the sleeping princess (◕ω◕✿)

As a child he used to wish on the morning star that somehow he would be able to meet that girl one day (人ゝω・）

Ieyasu woke up, from the dream feeling someone beside him

He was still half asleep and couldn't help but notice the scent of flowers, it was warm and comforting and before he knew it he was cuddled closer

(/^-^(^ ^*)/

In that moment he fully woke up (☉_☉)

His eyes went wide at the woman who slept peacefully beside him

(◎_◎;)

He gave a small squeak and instantly backed away )Д⊙`)

Wasabi was curious as to what all the commotion was about, and came prancing into Ieyasu's room ˚ᆺ˚ (◕ω◕✿)

Curious Wasabe trotted her way up to the woman and sniffed her face

˚ᆺ˚ (^̮^)

She smelled just like flowers and the little fawn couldn’t help but nibble on her nose (◕ω◕✿)

You woke up, giving a big yawn as you moved to sit up and stretch （⌒▽⌒）

You saw a sweet little fawn nuzzling your face with her nose and you let out a chucked (◠‿◠✿)

“Morning Wasabi” ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

Ieyasu, was in the corner of his room rocking back and forth (•ﾟдﾟ•)

“H-how did you know her name,” he asked shyly ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

“ Oooh she told me” (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

“WAIT, you can talk to animals,” Ieyasu got up and cautiously made his way towards you (⑉⊙ȏ⊙)

There was no way this was happening to him, you looked and acted exactly like the girl from his favourite fairytale ◉_◉

You noticed the room was a little messy from Ieyasu’s freaking out and decided to help him clean it up (｡・‧̫・｡).*＊♡

You summoned your forest friends to help tidy up the place

(◕‿◕✿) ʕᴥ·　ʔ

Ieyasu.exe stopped working ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

He soon got used to the idea that his favourite fairytale character had come to life and started asking you a billion questions in that contrary way of his (♡´❍`‘)*✧‘✰ ‘*

It didn’t take long for you two cuties to fall in love ( ° ᴗ°)~ð (/❛o❛\)

And now the two of you can often be found sleeping the day away

Or dancing together while you hum your favourite song 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

Sasuke- Frozen

Before Sasuke travelled back to the future he watched a bunch of Disney movies | (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)

He had taken a liking to the newest one “Frozen” ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

He especially liked the funny quirky redhead named Anna (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

He would at times find his mind drifting to the movie and his favourite female character ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

One day during a banquet he saw her ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief and pinched himself ⚆ _ ⚆

This can’t be real ◉_◉

You happily made your way up to the scientist and introduced yourself

(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

He was shook （（（゜Д゜；）））

You simply shrugged off the fact that you were in a different place

ʅ（´◔౪◔）ʃ

Your sister had shut you out her life and you had never left the confines of your castle, so you were so ready for a new adventure ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Sasuke showed you around Kasugayama and you were in complete awe at everything (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

You and Sasuke spent the whole banquet making joke and pranking people (¬‿¬)

Yuki was a little suspicious of you, and as is the standard procedure for the boy, he called you an evil enchantress ⚆ _ ⚆

Sasuke broke out in laughter when you rolled your eyes and sarcastically replied “Nope, that would be my sister” (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Sasuke still couldn’t believe it =^_^=

Not only had he discovered time travel but now his all-time favourite movie crush had come to life (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Of course, Sasuke being Sasuke he did what any reasonable person would do in this situation (─‿‿─)

He broke out into song (/◕ヮ◕)/

So the two of you sang “Love is an open door” and lived happily ever after

٩(*❛⊰❛)ʓਡ～❤ ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

The end ♥

I hope you enjoyed it dear! ＼(^ω^＼)

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bring-forth-your-justice · 5 years

Text

Chapter 1: Troubled Mind (Reader x Akira Kurusu)

So um, I wrote a fic. I already have 3 chapters complete for this long fic. When I say long, I mean very long *cough* 15,293 words *cough*. So a bit of context to the story, it ties in with persona 3 because of the reader’s past. As well a major change to the story (won’t reveal it because I’m not so sure on whether to add it in or leave it out.) Hope you enjoy reading this piece of trash.

You couldn’t be late to school, not today.

You ran past people in a panic to reach the subway. The forecast said it was gonna rain today, but your wonderful and brilliant brain forgot that. Not that it mattered anyway, you had no idea where your umbrella went.

Thankfully it wouldn’t rain for another hour or so, that was your saving grace for the day. You only wished it could’ve been used for something else though.

You reached the subway just in time and pushed your way into the cramped train, managing to grab the last seat. You held your bag tight, so tight that you could’ve sworn that your papers were gonna be in crumples by the time you left. “Maybe today won't be as hectic as I predicted”. You thought to yourself, as you tried to doze off for the duration of the ride for Shujin Academy.

Normally you were never late, not once did you ever miss school, and you wouldn’t dare over sleep. After all, you were the student council vice president! You were a straight A student for goodness sakes! You were the person every student would look to for help and advice, a role model. Only second to Makoto, but even then you both were identical in terms of efficiency and marks.

So why were you late?

Well, you weren’t late, not really. It’s just your student council meetings start before school does and that's what you couldn’t be late for. You had many things flooding your mind last night and you ended up over sleeping.

Luckily your 3rd alarm woke you up. If not for that, Makoto would’ve freaked and sent enough messages for the constant dinging to wake you up.

The train had stopped and you made your way past the other passengers. You put your headphones on and started making your way to school.

As you made your way towards the school, you spotted the alleyway that Ryuji and you would walk through together. You flinched at the thought of just hanging around Ryuji again. As badly as you wanted to again, as badly as you wanted to say sorry and make him smile, you couldn’t. There was just something standing in your way, why lie to yourself? There was someone in your way.

The gloomy clouds plagued the skies above you but it didn't matter now, you’d finally reached school. Walking through the empty halls seemed to take more effort than usual. It seemed the feeling of the desolate halls had caused you to forget about your surroundings, as you had tuned out someone shouting your name.

“Y/N! Y/N! CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME!? Oh GoD!” She hollered, as she tried to close the gap between the two of you.

You lept back as the girl caught up to you and grabbed your shoulder. She then continued to slump forward, crouching, in an attempt at catching her breath. “Arine? What’s wrong?! You look exhausted.” You say in confusion as you take out the headphones from your ears.

Arine suddenly shot up at what you had said, with only frustration to be dissected from her expression and beads of sweat showering down from her hair.

You jumped back at the sudden action, still dazed with her conduct.

“Are YOU REALLY asking ME if there’s something WRONG with ME!?” She retorted back, still huffing, slightly slouched. Just as you slightly parted your mouth to respond to her, she cut you off. “Never mind that, c’mon the meetings gonna start. I was looking to see if you had came or not. But, like always, your right here.” She sent you a quick loving smile and grabbed your left hand, and dragged you to the council room.

“ Sooo..er..Arine, why exactly were you so upset?” You spoke shyly, you were now walking beside her, retaining your elegant stature. Arine was a first year, and the treasurer of the student council. Although a very small and timid girl, she proved to be very enthusiastic around those she knows well.

“Well, besides the fact that you made me run after you around the school, and made me look like a fool for yelling and screaming your name about 4 billion times..” She spoke sarcastically as she turned to face you. “ The..” You noticed the sudden shift in her expression, from one with glee to one with dread and unease. Your face didn’t falter from its blank expression, but you felt concern ebbing away your lifeless expression.

“It’s j-just the..um...the t-transfer s-student”.

The transfer student? Wha-oH WAIT! “OH, yes of course! It seems as if I had forgotten about him. I just had a lot on my mind the other night, and I forgot he was coming today.” You spoke with more confidence.

“But why exactly are you mortified by just talking about him?” You slyly inferred. Arine shot her head down, being both shocked and embarrassed by you noticing her dismay. “Oh, um. Well, err you see..uhh.” She choked on her words, making it hard for you to understand why this student brought out her inner demons just at the mention of him.

‘GOOD LORD! Was this boy the new coming of Voldemort!?’ You thought, with concern now evident on your face.

“A-apparently he’s currently on probation for ASSAULT! A-and I overheard some of the teachers that he’s really d-dangerous, they said that if he had a knife that day...he wouldn’t be convicted of assault but ..m-murder.” Arine started to tremble. You slid your hand into hers in an attempt to rid of her quivering. “I’m not one to judge on rumors….but if he’s as menacing as you say he is..” You took a pause in between your thoughts, slowly biting your lip with the situation at hand.

“I’ll be careful, and hey! Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt anyone. Including you, so quit your worrying!” You said blissfully.

Haha..how would that even work? You couldn’t even save your brother, father, or even yourself! Pathetic, you want to save your friend and the school while you can't even escape the people who hurt, torment, and abuse you. You lie to yourself and now you lie, to her.

Arine’s face slowly lit up with more of your false assurance. The two of you reached the council room, and were greeted by Makoto and the others. Makoto rushed to your side to give you a small but strong hug. She asked what had taken you both so long. You sheepishly explained that you overslept and were in a world of your own thoughts before Arine came along. Makoto was shocked at the fact that you overslept, and continued to say that she would personally enter your house and wake you up. After that, the meeting had finally begun.

“Y/N wait!” Makoto said just as you was about to leave the modest, dimly sun-lit room. “Hmm? Something wrong Mako?” You and Makoto have been childhood best friends since middle school, always by each other's side.

Things were rough after your mom, dad, and big bro died. After all, you were only 4 and Taro was 12. Your oldest brother, Taro, was left to take care of you but at the time, you had your grandma. When she passed, Taro was 17 and was on his way to becoming a prosecutor. That’s where he met Sae-san. Their friendship lead to you meeting Makoto. You both had so many things in common, your love for knowledge, books, kawaii things and of course, the need to be like your older siblings and bring forth justice! But besides your interest, you both shared the pain of losing your parents and loved ones. You depended on each other when the world around you seemed to collapse, when the pain and grief resurfaced. When the occasional sibling fight happened, the other would always spend the night at the others house.

When the other didn’t have an interest in one particular area, the other would force them to do it with them. Makoto doesn’t know how to play piano or skate so you drag her with you. Cooking and aikido comes as a challenge for you so you’d tag along with her and learn a thing or two.

You told each other almost everything. Feelings, opinions, secrets, hopes and dreams. Including a secret only she believes when Taro can’t except it..

You know in your heart that, that secret is no secret, but the truth. The truth that won’t ever be told until you find the killer. . .

“No, nothings wrong but um, Miss. Kawakami had asked if you would show the transfer around the school?” Makoto asked shyly, fiddling nervously with the pencil in her hand. You were in shock. Usually the homeroom teacher would be the one to show the student around. Though you wouldn’t argue with a teacher about showing a student around, it was just this student. After what Arine said, you weren’t so sure about this.

“I certainly don’t mind, but why? The teachers usually show them around, am I wrong?” You asked.

“Yes, it is the teachers duty but, you and the transfer are in the same class. So Miss. Kawakami thought it would be good if he got to know someone in his class. She also mentioned that it would be wonderful if he had such a marvelous and outstanding influence as his first ‘friend’ at this school.” Makoto clarified.

“Alright, I guess you already know what I’m doing this morning. Honestly though, I’m honored that she’d think so highly of me.” You let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Obviously, you’re an amazing student. Not to mention an even better best friend. Speaking of which, you told me Taro is not coming home tonight, you watnt to spend the night at my house?” There was no way you wouldn’t take up the chance of staying over at Makoto’s just talking and goofing off.

“Why would I say no? I mean, my dance class was canceled today, and I could always reschedule my shift. As long as Sae is ok with it, I’ll come over right as I get something~ from my house!” You said winking. “Oh please tell me it’s ‘that’ thing! Also Sae’s always ok with you coming over, so don’t worry about that.” The two of you exited the room and headed towards your classes, laughing at the random jokes that each of you would insert into the conversation. You said bye to Makoto as she walked down to the third-year floor.

You walked into the classroom, with all the students in groups and talking about the latest gossip, trends and so on. As you went to take your seat, you would get the casual stares from some of your admirers. You stood out from the other students, partially because of your very different uniform ( a black waistcoat with white accents, the Shujin skirt, black thigh high boots, A white button up collar shirt, and black tights. Along with a headband in your hair.), but it was mostly due to your brandeis blue highlights.

They weren’t highlights they were part of the aftermath of what happened one year ago. You tell others that they’re highlights to hide the truth.

You sat besides Takamaki-san, she looked agitated, and distressed. The girl was looking down at her desk while fiddling with her blonde, curly hair. You didn’t really know the girl, you’ve never really had the chance to talk with her. You’ve wanted to but... you don’t know what you’d say to her. All you actually knew about the girl was she and Suzui-san are best friends, and that she's half american, a kind girl whose parents are always overseas due to work. Then there were the rumors with her and Kamoshida, the volleyball coach, an award winning athlete.

Ah~ There it was, you already figured out the reason behind her melancholic expression.

You knew how scary and menacing Kamoshida could be, from first-hand experience. You did whatever you could to be far away from him and his counterpart, Kaito-kun. No one knows that Kamoshida has harassed you too. After all on the outside it doesn’t look as if you’ve been hurt by him, but on the inside your dying, a soul pleading for any form of help. You’ve tried, you’ve tried saving others plus yourself from him. Sometimes it worked but all your efforts puts you into a dangerous zone with him instead. To save others you’ve put yourself in vain.

If you knew about a volleyball player that he was gonna ‘call out’, you’d jump to their aid by using the little authority you have, to ask the volleyball player to help you with a student council duty. That way, they wouldn’t have to see Kamoshida. But your efforts to help others backfires on you when he catches you.

“SHE’S HERE! Everyone get to your seats!” One student hollered.

“OMG Kiyoshi! SHE’S COMING! MOVE!” Another student yelled as she pushed a girl out of the way, presumably Kiyoshi.

“MIYAKO!!” Kiyoshi squealed just as she tripped and hit the ground face first.

‘Ouch!’ You thought.

Miss. Kawakami walked in through the sliding doors and all the students scrambled to get to their seats. Miss. Kawakami let out an annoyed sigh, she looked deflated and exhausted. “Okay, everyone settle down. Settle down! Uh, Yuki-san can I talk to you outside?” She spoke sounding incredibly tired. You nodded and walked outside the classroom; outside to the empty hallway.

“I’m glad you said yes to giving the transfer a tour.” She said with a faint smile on her face. Was she always this burned out? You felt as if she would fall over any second now, so much so that you mentally prepared yourself to catch her fatigued body.

“Frustrating as it is, the boy hasn’t arrived at school yet! So I suppose for now just relax but if he does show up, then I’ll come find you. Alright?” She asked.

‘Wow, late on the first day! It’s really becoming harder not judge this guy! No, you promised yourself you would never make assumptions and judge others without knowing them!’ You thought to yourself, mentally scolding yourself in the mix.

You told Miss. Kawakami that she could rely on you and not to worry. She let out a tired but grateful sigh. “It’s great to have such a dependable student, unlike that Sakamoto. Looks like he’s not coming to school again..”

Your eyes widened. ‘Ryuji, why would you miss school? I get it, this place is hell! But you hafta stop getting yourself in serious trouble!’

“Oh...I see. Well that’s unfortunate.” Your voice was laced with sorrow.

“If he had only stayed on the right path, he could’ve made a great student. After all he was once a star athlete.” Miss. Kawakami unknowingly had added insult to your already aching injury.

‘Bullshit, It was all Kamoshida’s fault! He stole his future, THAT PERVERTED BASTARD SHOULD BE THE ONE THAT GETS HIS REPUTATION TAKEN FROM HIM! He HAS to pay!’ Your thoughts fueled your anger.

‘But how can I put an end to the pain, and him..’

#Persona 5 #reader x Akira kurusu #s/o x Akira Kurusu #Akira Kurusu #I'm trying so hard not to turn reader into a Mary sue #I'm making Makoharu A thing in this fic #I'm having anxiety by trying to post this trash

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codylabs · 5 years

Text

Shifting Sands Chapter 4: Council of Nightmares

Chapters: One Two Three Four

Long ago, before they imprisoned ███████, before these creatures had ever arrived on her world, while she was still with him, something had happened. She never had a way to know before, but now she realized:

She was pregnant.

The scientists hadn’t noticed it yet, but it was only a matter of time. They’d been watching her closely ever since she’d killed Dr. &R/\BJ, and there was no chance the child could escape their scrutiny for long. She could feel the egg growing inside her, taking up space, taking up nutrients, and more of both with every passing day. Soon they would notice. And when she gave birth, then they would do something about it… Take it, kill it, clone it…

She couldn’t let that happen. She had to do something…

Perhaps if she could get out of the tube, she could pass the egg early, and somehow get it inside one of the scientists; then the child could complete the rest of its development away from their testing, then eat him from the inside, and then… No, no, that wouldn’t work. Soon as it burst out, they would just quarantine and take it…

She could begin shapeshifting so rapidly and so frequently that they couldn’t track or detect its growth… No, she’d still have to give birth eventually, and then they’d take it…

No.

No, this is no place to have a child.

So she morphed and slimmed the umbilical link she shared with the child, to limit its nutrients and oxygen. With its growth stunted, her child’s only method of survival was to instinctively form a hardened shell, and go into a state of deep dormancy.

One day, she would break down the shell and allow it to grow again. But not now. Not soon.

For now, her baby would fight for its life, just as she was.

They would survive.

“███████ wake up!” She awoke in the middle of the night to see Dr. cl;**4 rushing into the lab, his breath coming fast and ragged, and a wild smile on his young face. “It’s time, ███████! It’s really time!”

“What? What’s happening?” She sat up.

“A mutiny!” He explained. “A mutiny! It’s finally happening, we’re finally doing it!”

“Really?!?”

“Yes! The metalheads organized it; they’re going to saw through the bulkheads to the bridge, the mice are going to disable the power systems, and it looks like we’ll actually be able to get control from the Captain! ███████, you’re gonna be going home!”

“T-that’s great! What do you need me to do?”

“Uh… Okay.” Dr. cl;**4 reached into his coat and produced an ID card. “Do you think you can mimic Dr. Zlfo]n’s voice and tentacleprints well enough to fool a computer?”

She took on the head scientist’s form, and showed him the patterns on the limbs.

“Wow… Okay, great! Awesome!” Now cl;**4 fished around his lab coat for the key to her containment tube. “There’s a chance that the command crew could improvise the life support systems into a defensive weapon; increasing or decreasing the air temperature and pressure, pumping in toxic gases, forming violent vortices, that sort of thing. But Dr. Zlfo]n has authorization to access the life support controls in sector 18. So it would really help us if you went in there and locked down all the air-handling systems on the ship. Would you do that? I’ll be there to walk you through it…”

“I can do that!”

“Thanks so much, ███████!” He opened the tube.

She killed him.

Then she drug the body with her out of the lab. When she found a quiet place, she cut open his body to examine the muscles and bones and nerves, see how the tentacles were structured and how the ligaments lay with the bones. In short order, she memorized and mimicked these same designs in her own body, so that any future attempts at mimicry would have flawless accuracy. Now that cl;**4’s body had exhausted its usefulness, she sealed it in an airtight storage locker, so that nobody would ever discover what happened to him.

And then, while the mutiny filled the ship with chaos and confusion around her, she began to explore. She traveled the length, breadth, and circumference of the ship, learning the way the engines were laid out, the location of crucial components, the positions of passenger dorms, testing sectors, cargo bays, the routes through and hiding spaces within the network of life support tubes that linked everything… She learned many things.

However, after an hour or so, the sounds of fighting died down and security drones returned to their normal patrols, indicating that the mutiny had been successfully quelled. She returned to her tube as well, locked it shut and destroyed the key, so that there was no evidence that anything ever happened.

In the morning, the tired and weary scientists continued about their ordinary work in a defeated way. Nobody mentioned the mutiny, nobody brought up new plans, nobody stepped out of line once. And nobody asked where cl;**4 was. They must all think that he’d been killed in the fighting, which was just as well, really.

As for her, she’d learned everything her plans required.

Now all she had to do was wait for the prophet’s vision to come true. Once the ship crashed, her designs would come to fruition.

And until then, she and her child would survive.

The months stretched on into years.

Elsewhere in the ship, she sensed tensions rising even further. The mutiny had been broken, but its causes had not. She heard the men speak more and more often of strange nightmares and visions. She watched the scientists lose their tempers and yell at each other over small matters. And sometimes, away down the halls, she heard voices crying out in insane, mad rants. Prophecies they sounded like, prophecies of warning and doom and damnation, like they’d all become prophets themselves in these dark days.

The people around her were getting crazy. And as she paced her tube for the thousandth time, she felt herself joining them, ever so slowly. She played little games with herself now, where she fought imaginary enemies, and sought to outwit them and kill them and devour them. The enemies she imagined for herself were always terrible and deadly, yet she always found a way to win…

This madness– She was imprisoned, even within her cage, imprisoned by the walls of her own mind and sanity, the walls that kept her imagination inside her head, kept insisting on the impossibility of her thoughts and dreams and ideas, limiting her mind and stealing her hope… Late one night, her last thought before sleep was a powerful, burning desire to be free of this prison.

And then, in her dreams, something else entirely appeared.

“WELL HEY THERE, HOURGLASS! WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU? ROUGH LIFE, AM I RIGHT?”

She frowned up at her new visitor. She’d seen many strange creatures before, but nothing at all like this… This was a level beyond and contrary to anything she’d ever imagined. Something different, something illogical, something far, far worse. Something from beyond. “…Who are you?” She asked the visitor.

“WHO, ME? WHY I’M A TALENT SCOUT!”

“…For who?” She frowned.

“FOR ME!”

She thought about that for a moment. “…And what do you want?”

“AHH HAHAHAHAHA I’LL GET RIGHT TO THE POINT THEN! THING IS LADY, I’VE BEEN PUTTING TOGETHER A GANG OF FREAKS AND KILLERS, OUTCASTS FROM ALL THE LANDS OF REALITY, AND WE’RE FIXING TO SET UP A UNIVERSE OF OUR OWN! UNLIMITED POWER, GODLIKE STATUS, THE SHATTERING OF MORTAL SHACKLES, THAT SORT OF THING! IT’S A PARTY TO END ALL PARTIES, ALMOST A BILLION YEARS PROPHECIED! I SAW YOU IN HERE, AND THOUGHT I’D MOSEY ON OVER AND ASK IF YOU’D LIKE TO GET IN ON THE ACTION? YOU’D FIT RIGHT IN, I SWEAR!”

“I see.” She nodded slowly. “…Why me?”

“WHY NOT? HAVE YOU SEEN THE REST OF THE CREW? THOSE SECULAR DULLARDS COULDN’T FIND THEIR CLOACA WITH BOTH TENTILLUM! THEIR LITTLE MINDS COULDN’T HANDLE THREE MINUTES OF THE PARTY I HAVE PLANNED! BUT YOU… YOU’RE A SPECIAL CASE, AIN’T YA, HOURGLASS? IN THE TIME I’VE WATCHED YOU, YOU’VE KILLED EIGHT PEOPLE, HALF-STRANGLED YOUR OWN UNBORN BABY, AND NEVER ONCE TOLD THE TRUTH TO ANYONE! THAT’S THE KINDA BAGGAGE I’M LOOKING FOR IN A BUSINESS PARTNER!”

“Oh…?” He seemed to know quite a lot about her; more than she’d like. So she went along. “And what would a ‘partnership’ involve…?”

“OH, NOT MUCH, AT LEAST FOR NOW! THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU!”

“…And what can you do for me?”

“GIVE YOU FREEDOM!”

“I’ll get out of this tube regardless. I have plans.”

“AND HOW LONG WILL YOURS TAKE? SOONER OR LATER THEY’RE GONNA NOTICE YOUR LITTLE ‘SURPRISE’, AND WHAT’S TO STOP THEM FROM EUTHANIZING ONE OR BOTH OF YOU AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE? BUT ME? I’M THE ONE PULLING STRINGS AROUND HERE, GORGEOUS. I COULD KEEP YOU SAFE.”

“What do you want from me in return?”

“HEYHEYHEY I WASN’T THROUGH WITH MY HALF YET! FREEDOM FROM THIS TUBE IS ONLY THE FIRST STEP! THE REST INVOLVES FREEDOM FROM YOUR OWN LINEAR DESTINY! FREEDOM FROM FINITY! FREEDOM FROM SANITY AND LOGIC ITSELF! IMAGINE SINGULAR POWER TO SHAPE AND FOLD A FACTORIAL NUMBER OF DIMENSIONS! INFLUENCE OVER TIME, AND THE POWER TO MAKE ANYONE WHO EVER WRONGED YOU SUFFER FOR ETERNITY! ALL AT THE SNAP OF A FINGER!”

“That’s what you want to do for me?”

“I DON’T THINK I STUTTERED PRINCESS! I’M OFFERING YOU GODDESSHOOD ON A PLATTER, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE ME ONE ITTY-BITTY FAVOR! HOW’S IT SOUND?”

The being extended his hand. It sparkled with cold flame.

“…Are you hitting on me?”

“THAT WOULD BE A HOOT, WOULDN’T IT!”

She considered this for a moment, then extended her own hand. “Very well.” She agreed. “Ensure the safety of me and my child, and then give me the power of a god. In return, I promise to be your ally for eternity, and do anything you ask.”

“IT’S A DEAL!!!”

But just before the deal was sealed, the being snatched his hand away. The cold fire extinguished, and he floated off, as his eye probed her carefully and slowly.

“YOU KNOW WHAT LADY? DEAL’S OFF! I CAN TELL WHEN I’M BEING LIED TO.”

“Hmm?”

“TIME GETS AWAY FROM YOU, HOURGLASS! ENJOY THE CRASH!”

And she woke up.

What an odd dream.

Later that day, it finally happened: they discovered her child. They didn’t kill it, or take it, or harm it, but they ran their tests, and they gave into paranoid ramblings as they spent the rest of the day yelling at each other.

And she realized that sanity wasn’t a prison. Sanity was a fortress. Sanity was the strength she needed to stand on her own, and their madness was a wallowing pit of weakness which she regarded from a higher ground. Sanity was another step on the road she took to goddesshood in her own insidious way. She didn’t need to hoodwink some eldritch horror. She was indestructible. She was strong. She was ███████. She needed no one else.

Life goes on. Survival goes on. And they would do it alone.

“███████, you asked for me?”

“Oracle, there is a being here. A being in my dreams. Do you know of what I speak?”

The oracle’s eyes darkened. “I do.”

“What do you know of it?”

The oracle hesitated. And when she spoke, it was with a haunting, slow tone of voice. “Sixty degrees that come in threes. Watches from within birch trees. Saw his own dimension burn, misses home and can’t return. Says he’s happy, he’s a liar; blame the arson for the fire. If he wants to shirk the blame, he’ll have to invoke its name. One way to absolve his crime, a different form, a different time…”

The lyric hung in the air, when for a moment it seemed as if all the crazy echoing sounds in the ship grew still and quiet to listen. ███████ considered the words, then smiled and asked rhetorically. “Is there anything more charming than an inscrutable mystery?”

To which the oracle answered with a gentle smile, her voice once again casual. “There is not.”

She chuckled, and crossed her arms. “…Will this… Being… Be the cause of the ship’s destruction?”

“Not the cause, but I do not doubt he plays a part in its instigation…” The oracle shrugged. “We have entered his territory. He has been given a certain power over us.”

“A power which can be broken by sanity.” ███████ pointed out.

“A power which feeds on insanity.” The oracle corrected her. “But may only be broken by prayer. You are more defenseless than you know…” The oracle turned to exit the lab, but turned and spoke over her shoulder before she crossed the threshold. “It is not too late for the Captain to turn back. And it is not too late for you.”

“…Why should I believe you?” She blurted. “God would surely not be stupid enough to trust me with something as dangerous as truth.”

“He loves you too much to offer you less. You have only to bow and be healed.”

“I shall never bow.”

“And I am stupid enough to hope.”

And the oracle left.

“I shall not bow.” She solemnly promised herself again, in the silence that followed her absence. “I shall survive.”

#gravity falls #shifting sands #alien #scifi #ufo #monster #bill chipher #stanford pines #shapeshifter #sam #fanart #fanfiction #eldritch #abomination #backstory

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mayeolorie-writes · 6 years

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Nothing is Guaranteed II - Baekhyun

GIF not mine

Part One

[Note: swearing in this chapter. Just wanted to warn you]

Recommended song: Love me now

“Where have you been?” Baekhyun asked, outraged. It was nearing 2 a.m. He had to work in the morning, so it did surprise you to find him sitting on the couch. “The salon.” You replied with a shrug. Two seconds later you were trapped in between the door and you husband. A yelp left your lips as you pressed yourself against the wall. “Baek!” His crazy panicked eyes boring into yours. Each hand was on one side of your head, making you his prisoner. “Don’t ever leave like that again, Y/N. We both have a lot at stake here and I can’t have you out at all hours of the night. People talk, you got that?” You nodded, nervously. You had a dowry more expensive than the Al Marjan island. “I’m sorry. I just needed to leave. I feel trapped in these walls. It’s making me crazy.” A sigh left his lips as he dropped his arms. “What do you want to do to make the world better?” The question caught you off-guard. “I want to be a nurse for children.” He backed away. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “That,” a grin spread across his face. “Is an idea I can get behind. Tomorrow we will look at schools, if you want this.” Your face matched his. “I never wanted anything more.” He ran his hand over your hair repeatedly, messing it up. “Go to sleep Y/N.” You followed him down the hallway before you reached your room. “I like your hair,” was the last thing you heard before you went to sleep.

When you woke up, energy surged through your body. This was the beginning of your own forever. You practically jumped out of bed and started your day. The sunlight pouring through the windows was brighter than it had been in a while. “Today is the day, Bori. I’m finally going to nursing school!” The cat looked impatient as she meowed for the thousandth time that morning, begging to be fed. Nothing could ruin your mood. Within an hour the entire apartment was clean, and you had dinner planned out, so the rest of your day consisted of looking up schools in the area. When Baekhyun made it home Bori was curled up on your side as you had the application page of your first three choices pulled up. “Are we doing this now?” You nodded excitedly, patting the space beside you. He opted for the open space beside Bori. “Which one do you want to go to the most?” Bringing up the page you felt nervous. It was a little pricey, but it wasn’t your fault that it was the closest one to home. Besides your husband was loaded. “It’s the closest and it’s the highest rated out of the three I have up.” He smiled at your dedication. “Pick whichever one you want, Y/N. I’m behind you in this.” You didn’t know what changed his mind but you’re glad that he did.

Weeks later you were sitting in your first class, nervous as hell. Things between Baekhyun and you were starting to look up. You guys even might be friends. It was a good first week, you even made a couple of friends. In your math class a girl looked at you and asked for help, she was completely lost. “I’m Irene by the way.” She introduced herself and the rest was history. Soon you were best friends. Since she was younger than you by a couple of years, she often came to you for help about boys and life in general. She introduced you to her group of friends, Joy, Wendy, Yeri, and Seulgi. They accepted you with ease. A big test was coming up that you wanted needed to study for. After studying Irene invited you to go out with her and the girls, but you declined, but that didn’t stop her from walking with you to Baekhyun’s car.

Irene let out the biggest gasp and stopped midsentence as her eyes bugged out of her head. “I know where I know your husband!” You frowned and stopped far enough away where Baekhyun couldn’t hear your conversation. “My great aunt is married to this guy who is one of the tycoons in the country and three or four years ago she had an affair with the rival businessmen’s son.” Your blood ran cold. “So, my great uncle gave her an ultimatum either stop seeing her lover or he was going to send out a hit on him. She convinced him that Baekhyun and her weren’t sleeping together because he was married to someone stupid enough. . . “ She stopped, cutting off her own words. “Sorry, Y/N.” Your world was turned upside down. Baekhyun needed protection, a security blanket, for him to keep sleeping around with some older woman. “I didn’t know, honestly. I’m so sorry.” You shrugged. How were you supposed to know anything about Baekhyun? The two of you played together as kids and that was the extent of it until about a month before you got married. Did your family know? They couldn’t have. Your father wasn’t the best business man, but he was well off and was the primary provider for his services. This is why Baekhyun freaked out the night you changed your hair. If he couldn’t control you, and make it look like you were happily married then he would die. Were they still sleeping together now? “What’s your great aunt’s name?” “She goes by Kat.” Figures a cougar would go by Kat. “I actually have to go now, Irene. Baek and I have dinner with our parents tonight. Thanks for studying with me.” You sent her a smile but when you walked away she grabbed your hand. “Again, I’m sorry. I wish I would’ve thought about what was going to come out of my stupid mouth before I spilled the beans.” You shrugged. “There’s a lot about Baekhyun I don’t know about.” You revealed a small amount of your marital problems before walking away. This time she let you go.

“Was that Irene?” You nodded getting into Baekhyun’s car. “You’ve met her before, Baekhyun. Twice.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t tell.” Honestly, you wanted to yell at him. Sleeping with a married woman? Obviously, you took sleeping with someone seriously. That was a line he wasn’t supposed to cross. Hell, no one was supposed to cross that line. He launched into a story about his office friend, Jongjin or something, ate someone else’s snack. You couldn’t pay attention to his story, you couldn’t care less about that. Images of him with a married older woman went right through you. You were short with Baekhyun, saying things like okay, and that’s cool. You could think of a billion things you would rather do than have this dinner with your parents. They expected both of you to be happy and of all things in love. Ugh. Recently they have been not so subtly hinting about the possibility of having grandkids. He stopped you before you were about to walk into the restaurant. “Why are you so short with me?” You shrugged. This was going to be a big fight and you would rather not have it in the middle of the sidewalk. “I’m not feeling well. Give me your stupid hand to hold.” He rolled his eyes but held out his hand. At this point, even the way you had to hold Baek’s hand made you want to vomit.

The moms were cooing as you both walked in. “We made such a wonderful choice bringing them together.” You heard your mother whisper. “Y/N, Baekhyun! It’s been too long since I’ve seen my kids. Have you both been busy at home?” Her innuendo didn’t go past you. “Actually mom, Y/N is becoming a nurse and she’s been in school.” Your mother gave you a look, remembering the break down you had moths ago, and smiled. The fathers were stationed on the ends of the table while the moms sat on one side, letting Baekhyun and you share a side to yourselves. Oh, joy. “How’s school going honey?” “It’s really fun. I’m learning a lot, and this is a short program, so I will have my degree within two years.” “I’m proud of you honey.” Your dad finally spoke. “What do you think about your working woman, Baek?” His own father asked. You almost felt his eyes rolling. “It’s cute, for now, until she gets bored with it.” Mr. Byun laughed at the jab as you elbowed Baekhyun.

It was a long night. Constant jabs and backhanded compliments made you catty when you finally reached the inside of your apartment. “What the fuck was that?” You exclaimed, raising your hands in dismay. “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” Your glare matched his. “You know exactly what I’m referring to. I thought that we were friends and th-“ Your words were swallowed by his lips. He brought his hand to your neck, keeping your lips against his. Pushing him back, your anger went from a 7 to a 10. “What. The. Fuck. Do you think your doing?” You asked, your chest heaving, “just because we’re married, and things have been better between us doesn’t mean a damn thing. I still don’t know shit about you and you don’t know shit about me.” Anger coursed through you as you stomped to your room. The audacity. Who the fuck did he think he was? Kissing you? Did he lose his mind?

#Baekhyun #baekhyun scenarios #byun baekhyun #exo #exo scenarios #kpop scenarios

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well-hidden-hot-mess · 4 years

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thoughts during quarantine (day 17?)

so this whole quarantine thing has been interesting. the first week I felt great, worked out hard every day, cleaned/cleaned out a whole bunch of stuff in my apartment that was long overdue (overall deep clean plus taking everything out of every drawer/cabinet in my kitchen and bathroom, cleaning them, and reorganizing stuff plus finally cleaning up my living room), and felt great. then the second week hit and it all went downhill. I binged three days in a row and didn’t move much those days. my sleep hasn’t been great since I've been binge watching bones “because it’s being taken off amazon prime in a few days” but let’s be real, we all know that’s not the true reason (my mental health is not doing well so I'm numbing by getting lost in that world rather than deal with the problems going on in this one) and staying up way too late doing that but still getting up at 5am every morning so I knew I was headed for a crash really soon so I self imposed one on myself when I woke up at 11am and figured by the time I took the Vyvanse and it kicked in, I would be up all night again so I skipped it and spent the day mostly asleep (legit closed my eyes and woke up again at 5pm.... if that doesn’t say I was tired and needed the sleep, I don't know what does). When I was awake, I was stuffing any carb I could find into my face and fought to keep my eyes open the minimal time I was awake but then yesterday I felt so much better. I got up at the normal 5am wake up time, cleaned/tidied the apartment, went for an hour and 20min walk outside in the sun, had a lovely FaceTime call with my mom and Charlie which was beyond needed, then did a quick arm workout while we had our quarantine dance party in the courtyard, then passed out on the couch for a nap way too late but was still showered, hair dried, and in bed by 10pm. Plus I hit my macros for the day and drank my gallon of H20 so I crushed it yesterday. Looking forward to doing it all again today, just a little different. I’m really glad I let myself have those couple of days to just chill and recover so I felt like I was more in control of it vs being helpless/a victim to it and making myself feel bad about it. I also made myself a habit checklist thing in my journal for the month so that’s been helping keep me accountable since we all know my competitive side wants to see all of those boxes filled in every day haha. Gotta work with things like that and use it to my advantage right?

We just got word that we won’t be going back to work until at least May 1st and honestly I’m not sure how to feel about it. At first I was all excited that we were being quarantined and couldn’t go to work because I was beyond run down and needed the time off since I had just dealt with a 4 day migraine/depression spree that left me bed bound due to stress and being overworked so my body was just done. Now that I've relaxed, done most of what I wanted to get done around the apartment and bills are coming in, this is when the stress has started to rise. Not only are all of these things happening but now I'm bored and antsy and feel like I should be doing so much more but that’s the problem - there isn’t much I can do and there’s only so many walks I can go on and workouts I can do to occupy my time while not just sitting on my ass all day. Plus when all you’ve been doing is watching shows and youtube videos, it gets to a point where you feel like you’ve watched them all and its no longer entertaining. Plus it’s just another day of the same old shit and I'm just over it to be honest. I don’t want to go back to work but I also can’t just sit here and do nothing anymore, now it’s no longer helping my anxiety but fueling it. I’m trying my best to stay positive and keep myself busy but like I said, there’s only so many face masks I can do where they’ll actually have a benefit and not be for nothing.

Also I don’t have many feelings about the whole pandemic in general. like you’d think that since there’s this huge issue which is like nothing I've ever dealt with in my life I'd be a lot more panicked and freaking out but nope, I'm just numb. I was bored so I did the enneagram test and got type 9 which is the mediator/stabilizer aka I just want everyone to be chill and will go along with whatever so to avoid conflict (sounds about right). Then I read about our coping mechanisms and found this “Nines use narcotization to avoid conflict, manage their anger and maintain a self-image of being comfortable or harmonious. Even productive activities can keep Nines sedated if they become too habitual.” and umm yeah I've never felt more understood yet attacked after reading that and the whole profile of a 9. The funny thing is that I'm a 9 with a 1 wing so it’s like I'm mainly a 9 but also have characteristics of a 1 which is the perfectionist. So I'm go with the flow, no confrontation but also controlling and want everything to be perfect and done my way.... yeah that explains a lot lol. No wonder my brain is all confused/messed up all the time lol. But I think I've just gotten so “good” at numbing that I can even numb myself to huge world events like this and while I'm glad I'm not a ball of nerves over here freaking out, I’m a little like “scared” that I don’t feel anything, at least not like outright. I know there’s a whole mess of emotions underneath the numbing and I want to bring them out so I can just feel them and not keep them bottled up but I don't know how. I'm going to do some research into how to do that while I have the time and hopefully start to feel things again. Like the fact that my biggest concern during all of this is if they were going to cancel the Luke concert this summer says a lot... like yes I feel bad for all of the people effected by it don’t get me wrong and I'm worried about my family who’s in like the epicenter of the part of the country that got hit the worst but they’re all safe and actually staying inside so I'm not as worried for now about them but like idk it’s just a weird time and I think since it’s all so new I just don’t know how to process it which seems to be a common theme I've seen on social media too so it’s not just me. I think it really hit me hard when I went on a walk to downtown and in the middle of the day on a Sunday I was basically the only person on broadway and all the bars and stuff were closed and there wasn’t any country music playing at all... it was like a ghost town. then I walked over the bridge and saw a few other people but not many and while I did get some pretty sick pictures, it just felt so weird to be so alone in what I always think of as how crazy it is on New Years. To go from barely being able to walk on the sidewalks and it taking 30 mins just to get off broadway in an uber to it being a ghost town was shocking. Not gunna lie I wasn’t that mad once I got over that feeling because it was the perfect scenario for me - getting to enjoy my city and be downtown without a billion people and just being able to breathe and not have it be all crazy down there but relaxing instead.

So yeah this was all over the place but what else is new. I’ll be back tomorrow since i’m really going to try to focus on my mental/physical health during this time off so I can stay sane during this and come out of it better than I was before. Okay that’s it. See ya tomorrow

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fishdavidson · 6 years

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Dream Journal 2018-01-08: Sky Piracy Is A Fine Way To Redistribute Wealth

Buckle up, my friends, because I suspect this may be a long post! This most recent dream takes place in a future version of our world where income inequality has continued to grow unchecked but the one bright spot to this future is that everyone has access to flying cars and jetpacks. People at the top of the hierarchy had wealth, power, and influence almost beyond comprehension, and there were maybe a few dozen people like this in the world. Everyone else led lives that today would be considered “lower-middle class.”

The wealth disparity between these ultra-wealthy people and literally everyone else was so great that stealing from these rich people was a relatively common way for regular people to make ends meet. Poor people would stage (mostly) nonviolent raids against the flying luxury ships that transported the wealthy people and shake them down for money. And it was more cost effective for these ultra-rich people to just give the poor folks whatever money they asked for instead of hiring armies of bodyguards every minute of the day.

Holding people for ransom was still a crime, but even demanding $1,000,000 from these people had such little impact on their net worth that it was effectively imperceptible. The courts of this reality agreed, and people who were convicted of piracy faced a maximum of three years in prison. But the upside was that you still got to keep the money you stole, even if you were convicted. This was mainly because the time of these wealthy people was worth more than attempting to recover the money and the rich people got to write off the ransom payments as “charitable giving” or something similar.

I was one of those people who just barely managed to scrape by each month, so I decided to strap on my jetpack and try my hand at robbing the next luxury liner that I saw. I didn’t really need the money, but it would be really nice to have some sort of financial safety net. That’s how I ended up soaring over the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York, waiting for the next airship to come back from London. I tried to time everything correctly so that I would be the first person to target the ship once it made it into US airspace.

Unfortunately another individual had similar thoughts, and she (like me) was going to try to shoot a grappling hook onto the cruiser and board it while the vehicle was still flying. But our grappling hooks got tangled up together and ruined the element of surprise. We tried to demand ransom once we got inside the cabin, but our demand did not go over as we had hoped. In most cases, the pirate gets sack of cash and tossed out of the plane immediately, but we were asked to make a choice. We could either continue our attempt at piracy, after which we would be reported to the police and convicted for the 3-year maximum sentence; or we could wait until the vehicle landed, do a favor for this wealthy dude, and walk away with much more money and be in the good graces of a very powerful individual.

Despite having zero reason to trust this guy, I, along with the other bumbling pirate, opted to see what favor this guy was going to ask us to do. The lady who unknowingly attempted to pillage the ship alongside me was a professor of literature who hoped to score some money to pay for her wife’s cancer treatments (because health care is still apparently a problem in the future US), which was why she wanted to stick around to hear about other potentially legal methods of obtaining more money. I had no such lofty goals, but my opinion is easily swayed by additional large bags of cash and I opt to stay out of laziness so I don’t have to try robbing another dude in the future.

Once on solid ground, we are escorted to a Chinese restaurant near the top of skyscraper. A man in a purple suit who looks a lot like Will Ferrell in Night At The Roxbury is talking to a man named Tony Chen who owns the restaurant. The man we had attempted to rob was not actually the wealthy guy we were expecting. He was an assistant to the wealthy guy, and the dude in the purple suit was actually the person we were hoping to snatch money from. Tony and the man in the purple suit were arguing about something when we got there.

"My time is worth more than thirty billion dollars a minute, and you want to ask me something that will take up more than three minutes?" Purple Suit asks Tony. And then apparently Purple Suit offers Tony a significant amount of money to jump in the koi pond inside the restaurant in exchange for not asking any more questions and letting Purple Suit conduct his business in peace, which Tony agrees to.

The people involved in this meeting are escorted over to a large round table. In addition to the literature professor and Purple Suit, there are three or four other people present. Purple Suit tells us that we were brought here to help him accomplish a particularly audacious plan. Purple Suit was one of the richest men in the world, but alas, he was not the richest. So Purple Suit reasoned that if poor people could steal from rich people with relative impunity, other rich people should be able to do the same.

"If you are rich and powerful enough, you will always be above the law,” he told us. “And if you help me pull this off, I will make sure you are always above the law.”

Then Purple Suit tells us his crazy plan, which of course happens in real-time in the dream. A team of people in a nearby tower is in the process of giving an even richer guy some sedatives before he goes on an yet another international trip. This older, richer guy has in his possession a box that is connected via a physical wire to his pacemaker. The battery in the pacemaker keeps the old guy’s heart pumping, but it also provides power to that box. Inside that box is a tiny circuit board that generates time-sensitive cryptographic keys that are used to secure his vast and fabulous riches. If the key generator is disconnected from the battery for more than a few minutes, it stops working permanently and can no longer be used to access his fortune.

My job is to take the box, hook it up to an emergency power supply that can put out enough power to last for maybe 10 minutes, and run down to the base of the tower where I will meet my next team member. I’m freaking out a little bit because I know I’m not very inconspicuous as I’m running through elevators with a pile of wires in my hand. But the next team member intercepts me before I get to the ground floor.

This guy is probably in his late 30s and he’s got a beard. He gives me a silver sticker called a LOOP that I’m supposed to keep on my person until the mission is complete. I don’t know what the first letters stand for, but the “OP” in LOOP stand for “Obfuscation Protocol,” and this sticker is supposed to be able to jam electronic location trackers from following the path.

But there’s still one last problem that we have to get past in order to reach the rendezvous point: there are a few security guards who know something is up (presumably because the airship that was parked on the roof didn’t take off on time. The Bearded Dude gives me a backpack and sends me into a janitorial closet to change clothes.

Inside the backpack is a bunch of athletic clothes. I ask The Beard why I need to change into these particular clothes, and he tells me that if I dress and act like a runner, no one will suspect anything. Runners can look disheveled, and they also have an excuse for running in public places.

Seems like solid logic to me, so I change clothes and go “jogging” with The Beard as my running buddy and the code generator is tucked underneath my shirt. Nobody pays us much attention, despite us passing right under the noses of several of the building’s security guards. We pass off the code generator to the next group of team members waiting in a limo, and they reconnect the code generator to a more stable power supply and use the codes that it generates to siphon away the riches of the older guy.

In exchange for our troubles, each of us is given several million dollars and a favor from Purple Suit that may be cashed in later. I woke up before I could ask about the specifics of the favor, but I’m pretty sure it would have afforded me a life of luxury for the rest of my days.

----------------------

Header image is of a render of the proposed DeLorean Aerospace flying car featured in a recent article in Wired.

#wired #heist #dream journal #delorean #night at the roxbury #will ferrell #dreams #fishdavidson #piracy #pirate #airship #flying #jetpack #hof

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ellebeebee · 7 years

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Seachange

Part Four/Nine

Part One || Part Two || Part Three

Mira is second guessing herself over telling her brother the truth. And post-Voeld, and post-Aya outing, she still can’t be sure about where she sits with Liam. A weird emotional precipice they’re both balancing on.

2891 words, Liam x f!Ryder, teen rating

AO3

She woke up with her lungs collapsing and her eyes burning with the neon afterimages of her father’s mouth moving, imparting words only heard by the void.

Mira struggled with her blankets, disoriented. She breathed and her hands flew up to push her damp hair out of her face. As she sat up, she balled up the length of her hair, pulled it away from her hot neck. The console beside her bed read 0232, and the darkness of her quarters was barely broken against the shimmer of stars outside the broad windows. Their light a faint memory from light years ago.

“Are you alright, Pathfinder?” SAM asked.

His vivid blue holo-representation on her desk had come back online, no doubt on account of her.

“Yeah,” Mira replied.

He could roll off her raised vitals, obvious proof contrary to her claim, but they’d gotten to the point where what is obvious doesn’t need to said. It could maybe (possibly, improbably) even be called trust.

Mira kicked off her blankets and stood. She threw off her heavy sweats, the Tempest’s constantly cool air grazing her bare chest, and pulled on a lighter t-shirt and shorts. She put up her hair.

It wasn’t really Dad that was giving her nightmares; although, he was one reason. One persistent, awful thing that always skulked around her head and reminded her that she was an orphan, that she was playing at being a being a hero, that she had never really known him--

Mira stopped that line of thought.

Everything sucked and she didn’t want to cry again. But if she didn’t, it would just get bigger, and the crying harder. But she couldn’t stop herself from stopping herself from venting. She was a freaking trainwreck that kept wrecking and wrecking.

Mira went to her terminal at the desk to check her e-mail. It wasn’t a cigarette, but one neurotic tic usually substituted for another. She wished this was Mars, where no one cared if you smoked, and she could sit on the research center’s battlements, look at the bright dot that was Earth, and think about all the times she should’ve been better to Mom. But Mira’d quit when they came to the Initiative, before the leap. And she’d already had one ear chewed off by Lexi about her medical history; she’d rather keep the other one than start smoking again.

Vetra probably knew how to get human cigarettes.

No, no.

Don’t think about that.

Think about the real problem.

Deal with things. Don’t let them fester.

...Or maybe write these e-mails.

Yes, good plan, great job, Mira. You’re doing awesome. Yep, you tell Evfra you’re glad the Moshae is settling in. Write confident. You’re the Pathfinder. Angara probs can’t tell how young you are, anyways. Yeah, you tell Tann you don’t care what he thinks about Kadara! Yeah. Except politely. Professional! That’s what you are. A professional. Yeah.

And then she started worrying about the time and what they’d think when they got these mails at the asscrack of not even dawn, and that was another thing to think excessively about. So that was good.

And then a line, completely unrelated made her pause and she could hear it, clear as day--

I don’t feel well.

And all Mira could do was stare at her hands, awash in the blue light of SAM and her terminal. Her fingers curled in.

She had asked herself this a million times already, and she’d no doubt ask herself a billion times more: had she done the right thing telling Forta about Dad? About Heleus?

This… is a nightmare.

Exactly her thoughts, but she didn’t want Forta thinking that. Not when he was so vulnerable… And just. Pitiful. Even if it was true. But she didn’t want her brother worrying about that. He needed to get better.

Mira’s stomach clenched, and her face got so hot. And she knew her expression, she knew, was falling fast.

He needed to get better. He just had to.

And that’s how she found herself in the galley, the little table in there covered in containers and canisters and vacuum-sealed jugs.

Mira scrolled down a datapad of baking recipes and tips, copying and pasting things she found relevant and making notes of her own. She was no stranger to this process, but she had to be prepared. This was a one-shot deal and once she started, there was no going back.

“Ryder?”

She looked up.

Liam stood in the galley hatchway. Because of course he did. The one time she ventured out into the ship without a bra, and he showed up. And too late to pull down her hair-- but he hadn’t seemed to notice, and in any case, he looked like his mind was elsewhere. His face was drawn and his smile was just… off. Red rimmed his eyes.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey.”

And he studied her face, and she wasn’t sure it looked much better than his.

“Umm…” he started, hand coming up to rub at his neck. His eyes darted down from her gaze to look at all the stuff she’d pulled out. “What are you doing?”

Despite herself, Mira’s chest ached. After their Aya outing (after her disaster of a confession on Voeld), they hadn’t talked a lot. About anything beyond some dumb B-list movie or the next mission. They were still hanging again, yeah, but it was like invisible lines had been drawn at some point. He seemed distracted and hyper-concerned about the condition of the colonies. And that was one of the things that she loved about him: that he tried so hard for the sake of others.

So no, she didn’t want to take that away from him. No, she didn’t want to force him into anything he didn’t want. But was it really bad of her to want someone to confide in, like, really really confide in? Did it make her a shitty person to want someone to need to know how she (She! Her! Mira! Ryder!) was doing?

Was it awful that she wanted Liam Kosta to ask her what was wrong?

Mira cleared her throat. “Making brownies.”

His brow shot up. “Brownies?”

“Brownies,” she repeated, trying a small smile. “Um, I couldn’t sleep. And I-- uh.”

“You bake when you can’t sleep?” Liam supplied. He pulled the fridge open to take out a water.

Mira went back to her canisters of synth-flour and the jug of that weird asari native animal’s ‘milk’ that worked so well as an egg substitute.

“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, not so much since we got to Heleus. Because, resources. But at home I did all the time.”

He slid into a seat at the table, careful not to disturb all her ingredients. Closer, she could see he really was puffy and red around the eyes. She glanced back to her datapad. That made her chest ache, too. She wanted so bad to know if he’d been crying himself to sleep again. If it was really a regular occurrence

But she was afraid to ask. She was afraid he’d think it was weird, too soon, or worse-- tell her it was never gonna happen. He knew what she felt about… all of, y’know, them or whatever. But she didn’t know what he thought, and this had gone on long enough (she had it bad enough at this point) that she was too much of a coward to ask.

Shit.

It just. Sucked.

Liam chugged some water and considered her. “Don’t brownies take a lot of chocolate?”

Mira froze. She glanced at him.

He looked back. And then he broke out into a real grin. “You look guilty, Ryder. You done something, haven’t you?”

She cleared her throat, tried to go back to her measurements and look natural. “Me? No way.”

“Ryyyderrr,” Liam drawled. “You know you’ve a shit poker face right? Terrible.”

She huffed. “Well, excuse me.”

“Awful.”

She ignored him.

“Absolute shit. Face it, Ryder. You’re as transparent as plexi.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Y’know. I was thinking of giving you first bite…”

He laughed. “Alright, I’m sorry for pointing out the obvious. But you’re still sharing.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” he stated, winking. “‘Cause I’m cute.”

Then she laughed. “Whatever, Kosta.”

“C’mon. Spill already.”

Mira glanced at him. “Don’t tell Vetra. But I… ‘commandeered’ a lot of our chocolate supply.”

Liam whistled in admiration. “And blamed it on the pyjak. Mira Ryder, you rebel.”

She laughed. And he watched as she finally decided on her game plan for these impromptu, make-do brownies. She precisely measured out each of her ingredients. And as she turned the oven on and began to melt the ‘butter’ (actually a levo ‘cheese’ made by a dextro company that seemed confused about levo cheeses) and the chocolate, she did her best to ignore the way Liam watched her move around the galley.

To distract him (and herself) for a while, she babbled a bit about their chocolate. It was really, really good stuff. Like, nothing synth or vat cloned about it. Rich and dark, it would probably cover up plenty of sins from the other elements. Mira had Liam help her pour the melted chocolate into the rest of the wet ingredients while she folded it all together, and then the dry stuff. While she gently did the final mixing, he stole tastes of the raw batter. Which she ignored.

It was nice. Middle of the night, had the whole ship really to themselves. Making brownies. It was… normal.

When she finally had the pan of dark batter in the oven, she nudged Liam into helping her clean up.

As he closed up canisters, he said, “So. Are these brownies ‘for two’ or are you sharing with everyone? Because I may know a good hiding spot.”

She paused from wiping down the counter. She glanced at him.

“Actually,” Mira started. “They’re, uh-- I’m actually planning on vacuum sealing most of them and sending them back to the Hyperion.”

He put something back in the fridge, closed the door, and leaned against it to study her. She studiously went back to cleaning.

“The Hyperion?” Liam asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. Um. Some for Harry. Because, y’know. He’s done so much for my brother… and--”

And she’d stopped cleaning, and she couldn’t look up from staring at her hands. And her ears were ringing.

“Shit, it’s so dumb--” she gasped, and covered her face with those same hands damp with soap.

She felt Liam moving nearby, probably freaked by her sudden shift in mood. But she couldn’t help it. It just all came on like a tsunami. Everything was just…

Mira pulled her hands down and choked out a wet laugh. “It’s really, really dumb, but I wanted to make brownies for Forta, because I don’t know if I did the right thing. If I hurt him, and it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make up for anything, but--”

“Hey, hey--”

And he took her into his arms, folded her into his chest. Enveloped her into a warmth she so desperately needed and hadn’t been able to vocalize, even to herself. And that was painful. Goddam him but his goodness was so painful. What she felt for him was painful. And everything sucked, and all she could do was cry into his shoulder. Clutch at him with twitching fingers, and sob.

And it was all new again, because their bodies knew each other but really didn’t know anything. Were complete, utter, total, absolute strangers. Strangers pressed again into embrace that needed. They needed and needed and needed each other. She needed him holding her against the aluminum edge of the galley counter, needed him holding her against the strength of her own feelings.

When she calmed down, she pushed back against him. But not away from her. She wasn’t nearly unselfish enough for that.

“Don’t say sorry,” Liam instantly said, before she could open her mouth.

So she just stared up into his brown eyes. The wetness on the brown skin around his eyes. He looked a sight, but no way could he look worse than she probably did.

“Mira,” he said. And he leaned in to place his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes.

He continued. “I think your brother knows what you feel. He understands.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “We made a promise-- when we were kids. That we’d never lie to each other. Twin promise. Way more serious than pinkie promise.”

He made a small huff of amusement that tickled her lashes. “See? There you go.”

The twin promises. With all the gravity of blood sacraments, she and Forta had sworn to never forsake such oaths. On pain of foregoing their desserts to the other for all eternity. The never lying had mostly been deemed necessary when it was clear that Mom’s “I’ll come play in just a minute” had generally meant several hours later into whatever project she’d been on when she’d realized what she had told them, and when it was clear that Dad’s “I’ll be there for the holiday” had really meant he’d vidcall for about twenty minutes. But Mira and Forta had never made such empty promises to each other; they swore to always be upfront, and hadn’t broken that record yet.

So what could she have done?

Even if it had upset him in that fragile state, what could she have done?

She shook her head. “But I can’t lose him, Liam. If he’s gone, too--”

She stopped. And he pulled her back in tightly.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice low. “Yeah, I know.”

And he understood. She hated that he did. Wished that he didn’t, but he understood.

The hug continued for a while, until her tears stopped and she stopped sniffing. And the smell of sweetness and chocolate asserted itself more and more throughout the small kitchen. Parading its deliciousness. So Mira gently pushed against him and stepped back; Liam seemed to hesitate, but did let go. And they had an awkward period where they didn’t know what to do with their hands without holding onto the other. So she smiled sheepishly and wiped at her cheeks.

Liam cleared his throat. “Uh. Just so you know-- that smells amazing. Honestly, if I were coming out of a coma, brownies would be priority number one for me.”

She snorted and shook her head. “Jeez, you and Forta-- there’s no way I’m letting you two meet. What a disaster.”

She was choosing for the moment to ignore the “if” in those statements. If he wakes from the coma. If he gets the chance to meet Liam. Because the crying had made her body seem lighter, as if some part of the sadness dissipated through the tears, and the perfume of brownies had already smothered her cortisol and fired off her serotonin. Seemed to, anyway.

As she bent to check on the pan through the glass door of the over, she considered her next words. She straightened, tucked a curl out of her eyes, and considered Liam. He sat against the counter watching her. His eyes were still a bit red, but he generally looked better somehow than when he first came into the galley.

“Liam,” she said. “Sorry-- no, wait. Sorry for dumping all that on you.”

He shook his head and shifted again, hands at his sides twitching like he was gonna reach for her again.

“No sorries. Really, Mira, you don’t need-- We’re…”

And when he trailed off, the light in his eyes flickering, she gave him a small smile.

“See? We’re…” she pointedly trailed off too, and shrugged.

An idle hand mussed in his hair, as his brows drew in. “Shit, I-- Y’know, I keep dicking this up, I know, but…”

“Liam,” she stopped him. “I know. We’re all just going in a bit blind. For what it’s worth? I’d rather have you dicking things up than anything else.”

That poked a laugh from him. Quiet, and a bit awkward, but a laugh nonetheless.

With impeccable timing, Mira’s timer for the brownies went off. They came out of the oven with an absolutely beautiful crackled chocolate crust on top, and the perfect amount of thick fudgy crumbs clinging to the eating stick she tested the center with. She straightened from the pan with a smile.

“A success,” she declared.

Liam had been conspicuously edging closer the instant the pan came out. “So? You promised. First taste.”

She smiled at him and rolled her eyes.

Somehow, they ended up sneaking back into the cargo bay on silent tiptoes, the brownies carefully hidden beneath kitchen towels. And they laid out in storage, continuing the twenty-first century drell drama they’d started the other day and eating out of the warm brownie pan with two forks. At some point around 0600 they passed out, nestled against each other and most of the brownies devoured.

Sometime later, Harry Carlyle received a package on the Hyperion. Two vacuum-sealed containers, incredibly tiny, with a note from the pathfinder. One(1) brownie for Dr. Carlyle, to thank him for his work, and one(1) for Forta Ryder, once he finally got his ass out of bed. Chocolate rations being what they were, sorry there wasn’t more.

Harry wasn’t complaining; it was a very good brownie.

#mass effect andromeda #me:a #fanfiction #liam kosta #liam x ryder #rydam #female ryder #my writing #mira ryder #venting by baking yay #twin angst #feels #look i know i said 'occasional' angst #but LISTEN #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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vivaciouswordsmith · 7 years

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Chapter 2 already?!

Wow you guys. I could never have expected such an overwhelmingly positive response to Four-Legged Fiend. You guys seriously are the best. I’d had about two or three chapters planned out already, so expect the delays to start popping up after chapter 3. But who knows? I certainly don’t. :)

Also I absolutely based the first two chapters on my mom’s experience with her two newest kittens, Dipper and Mabel. She “fostered” them for about thirty minutes before deciding to adopt them, then spent about two weeks trying to convince my dad to let her keep them. He resisted up until Christmas.

So I guess, in a way, I have them to thank for the beginning of this story.

This is them, by the way.

And, of course, thanks to the lovely @ask-thevagabond for giving me the idea in the first place. :D

Anyway, I finished chapter 2 quicker than expected, so I’m putting it up now. As always, you can read it here or beneath the cut. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Another Man’s Treasure

“I told you, we’re not keeping that thing!”

Jack scowled at Geoff and scooped up the pup. “He is not a thing.”

Geoff crossed his arms. “Fine. We’re not keeping him. Is that better?”

Jack huffed and left the living room. They’d returned to their home two days ago when their contacts sounded the all-clear. As it turned out, the pup was indeed old enough to eat solid food, and he’d turned into a little vacuum cleaner. Jack swore the little thing had sucked down more than double his weight in food in a matter of hours, and he ran out of canned food only two days into their stay. With his belly full, the pup grew much bolder. He stopped hiding in Jack’s lap and explored their little hideout from top to bottom. Geoff spent the whole time eyeing the pup balefully and grumbling under his breath.

He nearly flipped his lid when the pup squatted in the corner and peed all over the power cables. It took Jack nearly fifteen minutes to remind Geoff that the pup wasn’t paper trained and he didn’t deliberately target the cables to piss him off. His partner eventually relented with the promise that Jack would keep the pup out of trouble for the remainder of their stay, and would find him a good home when they returned to Los Santos.

Jack had yet to make good on the second part of that promise.

Truth be told, the pup had won him over the moment he saw that tiny skull-face peeping up at him from the depths of the garbage bag. Jack couldn’t even imagine getting rid of the little pup now. Hell, the first thing he did after getting back to Los Santos was read up on dogs and raid the nearest pet store. There was now a box in his room stuffed to the brim with dog toys, a shelf full of wet puppy food in the kitchen, a ceramic bowl covered in dog prints in the sink, several dog beds strewn about the apartment, a leash hanging beside the door, pee pads in every corner he thought the pup could reach, and an entire slew of tiny shirts and collars residing in his dresser drawer. He’d blown a sizable chunk of his cut from the heist on puppy stuff.

He didn’t regret it one bit. Especially not when he saw the little black and white baby curled up in a corner of the giant dog bed the cashier had assured him the pup would grow into one day.

God, he already had eight billion puppy photos on his phone. He was so fucked.

Jack chuckled and waltzed into the kitchen. Most of the articles he’d found online said the pup needed plenty of food to grow into a good, strong dog. The pup ate like it was going out of style, and Jack swore he’d already doubled in size. He wiggled in Jack’s arms and pushed his wet nose into his beard. His little stick of a tail wagged as soon as Jack put him on the counter and set his bowl beside him. He had half a can left over from the pup’s breakfast, which he quickly retrieved from the fridge. The pup yipped and scampered around on the counter.

“It’s coming, it’s coming.” Jack dumped the remainder of the can into the bowl, and it was immediately beset by the pup. He smacked and slurped at the food, and little bits of processed meat flew out and spattered over the counter. Jack beamed and brushed his fingers over the pup’s back. He currently wore a shirt that proclaimed I’m a Bad Boy, with a skull and crossbones beneath the text. Out of the twenty-odd shirts Jack had bought, it was currently his favorite.

“Don’t tell me you’re feeding him on the counter again.” Geoff bumped past Jack and pulled a beer from the fridge. He closed the door, retrieved a bottle opener from the utensil drawer, and popped the top off. “We make shit on that counter.”

“You know Clorox exists, right?”

“I don’t fucking care.” He chugged half the beer in one go and burped. “The fuck is he wearing, anyway?”

“A shirt?”

“Why the fuck is he wearing a shirt?”

“Cause it’s funny and he doesn’t seem to mind?”

“Who does that?!”

“Literally everyone who owns a dog?”

Geoff shook his head. “It’s weird.”

“Is it any weirder than anything else people do for their pets?”

“You know what? I’ll tell you what’s weird. His fucking face. His fucking face is weird.” Geoff pointed at the pup. “That skull face isn’t natural. Little freak.”

“Really, Geoff? Really?” Jack patted the pup’s back a few times. “You’re not a freak, are you?”

“Number nine on Los Santos’s most wanted list, everybody.”

The pup polished off his lunch and looked up at Jack. His head tilted to one side. “That’s all you’re getting until dinnertime, champ.” He put the bowl in the sink and picked the pup up again. “How about you and me go for a walk?”

“How about you and him find him a home that isn’t here?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Says the guy who bought a dog fucking t-shirts!” Geoff tramped back into the living room and flopped into a worn armchair. “I’ll find one myself if you don’t.”

“Sure. Once you convince some assholes to come work for us, you can find the pup a home.”

Geoff groaned and let his head flop back against the aging leather. “Don’t fucking remind me. I’m talking to this guy up in New Jersey right now, but it’s like pulling fucking teeth.”

“Why are you talking to a guy in New Jersey?” Jack pulled the leash and a tiny blue harness off the peg next to the front door and set the pup on the ground. He growled and ran over to Geoff’s ottoman. “Goddammit, I know you don’t like it, but you have to wear a leash when we go out!”

“He claims he’s the best demo guy in the business, and he’s job hunting at the moment, and he’s interested in joining a proper crew.”

“So what’s the problem?” Jack managed to catch the pup and wrestled him into his harness. The pup growled and spent several minutes trying to bite the straps on his shoulders.

“The problem? The problem is we’re in Los Santos and he’s in fucking New Jersey and he’s not sure he wants to relocate two thousand goddamn miles away from home!” Geoff sipped at his beer and sighed. “I’m trying to negotiate with him, but it’s looking unlikely.”

“Then find someone closer to home.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not? Sounds pretty fucking simple to me.” Jack clipped the leash onto the harness and opened the door. “We’ll be back in about fifteen minutes, okay?”

“Whatever.”

The pup resisted being led by the leash right up until they left the apartment. His little ears stood up straight and he immediately ran in front of Jack. He sniffed the slimy-looking sidewalk and darted over to a beer can with several cigarette butts sticking out of the aperture. Jack tugged on the leash and pulled the pup away from the debris. God, this apartment was a shithole.

While they walked, Jack mused on what Geoff had said earlier. He’d talked for several years now about forming a proper crew, but it was only when they got back from their most recent heist that he’d seriously started looking into recruiting. Apparently he’d been pinching his pennies for quite some time so he could hire what he called “the best in the business.” He promised Jack that things would be better once they got some guys. No more squatting in holes. No more fearing the LSPD would come knocking on their door. No more drug running in the middle of the night. No more kowtowing to greasy-looking shitheads who were half as old as them. They would be the ones calling the shots. They would be the ones on top. They’d sit back sipping champagne and laugh while their underlings did the dirty work.

At least, that was Geoff’s dream. God only knew how it would turn out.

Most of the fifteen minute walk went by uneventfully, save for a few moments where Jack had to keep the pup from exploring upturned trash cans and abandoned buildings. He trotted along happily enough, which left Jack to his contemplating. Soon enough it was over and they were heading home. The little pup climbed a set of three stairs leading up into the parking lot all by himself, and looked down on Jack with what almost looked like pride.

“Good job, buddy!” The pup’s tail wagged, and warmth settled over the criminal’s insides. He scooped the pup up and carried him back into the apartment.

Geoff now snored in his worn chair, laptop still resting on his knees, though it looked dangerously close to smashing on the floor. Jack sighed and put the laptop on the coffee table. “So much for that crew thing,” he muttered. The pup looked at him and tilted his head. “C’mon, buddy, let’s go take a nap.”

When Jack woke up, the pup was not in his bed. A moment of panic flashed through him and he jumped out of his bed. He ran into the living room and glanced around several times before finally catching sight of the pup. Relief washed over him, and then he let out a soft laugh.

The pup had somehow crawled onto Geoff’s lap and fallen asleep with his legs stretched out and his muzzle buried in his partner’s knees. His sock-clad back leg occasionally twitched in time with an unseen dream, and the pup let out a tiny grunt every so often.

Jack pulled out his phone and took a few pictures. The shutter sound eventually caused Geoff to stir. He let out an incomprehensible grumble and looked down into his lap. His shoulders stiffened, and he glared at Jack.

“Don’t…fucking…say…anything.”

“Say what? I didn’t put him there.”

“This…this changes nothing! He’ll be out of here by Thursday, I swear to fucking Christ!” The pup rolled over and showed Geoff his black and white underbelly. His front paws folded up against his chest and his back paws stretched out into Geoff’s lap. His mouth opened ever so slightly, revealing the tip of a bright pink tongue. Jack’s partner swallowed and tore his eyes away. “Friday. But that’s my final offer.”

“How can you look at that and still want to give him away?”

“I don’t! I mean, I do, but – shut up. Just shut up.” Geoff shifted in his chair until he was able to grab his laptop and set it on the arm of the chair. “I’m looking up good homes for puppies right now, I swear to fucking Christ.”

“Sure you are.” Jack meandered over to the kitchen and got a beer and a bag of chips for himself. When he walked by Geoff he glanced over at his laptop screen and saw an Amazon store page full of dogs wearing little suits and hats. “We’re not keeping him, huh?”

“What? Uh, it’s not what it looks like!” Geoff alt-tabbed out of the page and quickly googled ‘dog homes’. He only became more frantic when the results were all dog houses. “I, uh, you know, guy’s gotta look his best if he’s gonna win his new family over, right?”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Seriously. I want him to make a good first impression.”

The pup stirred and yawned widely. His tiny white teeth flashed in the light. He rolled onto his paws, shook himself and jumped onto the arm of the chair. He snuffled at the dogs on the screen and looked up at Geoff.

“Yeah? Like what you see, buddy?” Geoff rubbed between the pup’s ears. “I bet this blue deal would bring out your eyes.” He pointed at something on the screen. The pup licked his finger and wagged his tail. “We’ll make you look handsome as fuck.”

Jack just watched the scene play out like it was a movie. He hid his smile behind his beer bottle and munched on chips. The ‘staunch resistance’ looked like it would peter out soon enough.

“‘We’re not keeping him’ my ass,” he said under his breath.

“What was that?” Geoff looked up from the screen. His fingers still rested on the pup’s back.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously? This is so stupid.”

“He needs a name, dude.”

Jack looked over at the opposite wall and raised his eyebrows. “On that, we agree, sure. But this is your best solution?”

The pup’s name had been a topic of heated debate all week long. Both of them had entire lists of wonderful names that neither of them agreed on. Then, that Wednesday morning, right after Jack had finished a rather difficult carjacking job, Geoff pulled him into the living room and told him all their name troubles were solved. His ‘solution’ involved covering their dartboard in over a dozen Post-It notes with names scrawled on them in Sharpie. One toss of a dart would finally end their week long debate.

“Look, it was either this or drawing names from a hat. If you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

“Nope. This is all you.” The pup ran toward them and sat down at Jack’s feet. He bent down and scooped him up, smiling when the pup snuffled at his cheek. “Looks like you’ll finally get a name now, if Geoff ever throws the damn dart.”

“I’m working on it!” Geoff picked up a red-fletched dart, which he claimed was his lucky dart, closed one eye, and cocked it over his shoulder. “Okay…aiming for Skeletor…really…feeling…Skeletor.”

“For the last time, we’re not naming him Skeletor.”

“Yeah? When this dart lands on Skeletor, you’re gonna look real stupid. Like…right now!” Geoff stepped forward and threw the dart. It thunked solidly into the Post-It note directly below the ‘Skeletor’ note. “Fuck.”

“Like I said, we’re not naming him Skeletor.” Jack walked forward and pulled the dart out of the board.

“That, uh, that was a misfire. That means I get a retry.”

“What – no you don’t get a retry! You said one shot would decide this! That was your one shot! So we’re naming him…” Jack grabbed the Post-It note and glanced at it. “Ryan. We’re naming him Ryan.”

“Oh my God, that’s the most boring name in the universe,” said Geoff. “I still say we should go for Skeletor.”

“Well, what do you think?” Jack looked at the pup in his arms. He gazed solemnly back at him. “You think Ryan’s a good name?” The pup tilted his head, and his tongue flopped out of his mouth. “Ryan it is then.”

Geoff glared at the faded marks on the red dart. “Traitor.”

Jack burst out laughing. The pup – now Ryan, he supposed – wiggled in his arms and let out a yip.

“Don’t get too excited, Ryan. Next up is your vet appointment.”

Ryan whined and ducked his head into Jack’s arm.

#another short and sweet one #timeskip next time #be prepared #also I'ma start bringing in the rest of the crew #be prepared for that too #Also I'm going back to school in a couple of days #so who knows how much time I'll have to work on this #Hopefully I'll keep it short #hopefully #achievement hunter #fanfiction #wolf!ryan #wolf!ryan au #seriously though thanks for all the love and support #really means a lot to me #:)#btw black and white kitten is Dipper and gray tabby is Mabel

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 4 years

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Podcast: Incontinence While Sleeping and its Psychological Impact

Incontinence While Sleeping — or “pooping” the bed — isn’t as uncommon as you may think. While this unexpected night time activity may be embarrassing, it doesn’t have to completely derail your mental health.

There can be many causes for sleeping incontinence but you’ll never discover what they are if you’re unable to move past the psychological trauma. This week we’re sharing honest, personal experiences discussing how to cope without dying of embarrassment. Listen Now!

(Transcript Available Below)

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

About The Not Crazy Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from Gabe Howard. To learn more, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Jackie Zimmerman has been in the patient advocacy game for over a decade and has established herself as an authority on chronic illness, patient-centric healthcare, and patient community building. She lives with multiple sclerosis, ulcerative colitis, and depression.

You can find her online at JackieZimmerman.co, Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Computer Generated Transcript for “Sleep Incontience” Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer-generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to Not Crazy, a Psych Central podcast. And here are your hosts, Jackie Zimmerman and Gabe Howard.

Gabe: Welcome to the Not Crazy podcast. I’d like to introduce my co-host, Jackie, who not only lives with depression but has not seen Die Hard. Are the two connected? It’s your decision.

Jackie: And I’d like to introduce my co-host, Gabe, who lives with bipolar, his wife Kendall, and has also never seen the movie Now and Then, and I don’t know if that’s like a generational thing, but that was a pivotal movie in my youth.

Gabe: Nobody’s ever heard of it. Like, I keep thinking that you say “Now & Later,” the 80s candy. Because some for now and some for later. Unlike now where it’s just all for now and then you whine.

Jackie: No. No. If you have seen Now and Then, dear listener, please let us know. Comment somewhere. Right, somewhere. Send Gabe hate mail about how he should see this movie with incredibly famous actresses in it.

Gabe: Sure, sure. I’ll check my email. I’ll check my email.

Jackie: Ok, OK. Gabe? Sure. Gabe, you called me this weekend and you had a very serious tone in your voice and you said that you had something to tell me. What did you call me about, Gabe?

Gabe: I told you, I shit the bed.

Jackie: You did, indeed you did. And I, although very respectful of your situation, was thrilled that you called me because I am the person that people call when they have poop issues.

Gabe: The listeners are probably just now starting to realize that I’m not using the phrase shit the bed. I actually shit the bed

Jackie: You did? You did.

Gabe: Like literally and I’m not using literally, figuratively. It was a traumatic experience, to say the least. I have a friend who is a doctor. She was unavailable. Which left you?

Jackie: And I promptly was like, Gabe, this needs to be a podcast episode.

Gabe: And I was promptly no, because that’s just not the kind of thing that you talk about polite society ever at all.

Jackie: But I don’t live in a place of polite society, not to mention, as we talked about on the phone, this is something that happens to people, not just people like me with bowel diseases, but this happens to a lot of people.

Gabe: In my frantic Googling of this, I was surprised to find out just how common this is. You know, it has a million different names from nocturnal diarrhea, persistent diarrhea. A lot of what? A lot of diarrhea. Of course, we’ve all heard all of the commercials where they talk about a side effect of medication being anal leakage. The bottom line is, that while horrifying, it is almost routine how often the average person loses control of their bowels.

Jackie: And we wanted to talk about this, not to perpetually talk about shitting the bed over and over again. So if you’re listening and so far you’re like, wow, this episode is not going to be my bag. Hang in there, because the reason we’re talking about this is because it’s so common. The effect that it can have on your mental health afterwords and how you navigate that.

Gabe: I make my living, as people know, on this podcast and on the psych central podcast and standing up in front of people and talking about all of the things that happened to me because of untreated bipolar disorder. I wrote a book called Mental Illness Is an Asshole available on my Web site, gabehoward.com, because I wanted to talk about all of the awful things that have happened to me because of mental illness. And then this thing happened. And I immediately didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This is one step too far. This is not the kind of thing that you bring up that’s really interesting to me because people who know my work and you can just do a Google and find my work would think that I wouldn’t be shy of anything. That’s kind of how messed up this is, right? Even a guy like me who makes my living openly discussing things about mental illness and about health and about life that other people want to sweep under the rug, didn’t want to discuss it.

Jackie: But that’s what makes us a great team. You see, because I shit the bed and promptly told the whole Internet about it.

Gabe: And that’s very interesting because the reason that I called you, Jackie, is because of a story that you published a long, long time ago that I found to be stunningly relatable, even though it was pre bed shitting and it was about how you were in a new relationship. Wasn’t very old at all.

Jackie: And I was sleeping over at his house and I shit the bed in the middle of the night. I was horrified. I contemplated just leaving and never talking to him ever again because what is the alternative? It’s actually talking to somebody and saying, hey, you guy who thinks I’m amazing. I just shit in your brand new bed, by the way. Brand new bed. It was something I could not even dream, a conversation that was impossible to have. So I stayed up all night. I cried and I cleaned the bed. I woke him up and asked him to leave to the living room. And I contemplated all the ways that he was probably gonna break up with me the next day because he was likely just as horrified as I was. Well, he wasn’t and he didn’t. And instead, he broke up with me months later for a really dumb reason, but not because of this. And that’s important to remember.

Gabe: The phrase “shitting the bed,” of course, is a well-known phrase. It just means you fucked up. I have used this phrase probably my entire adult life. I try to run an event and it doesn’t go well. I shit the bed I get on stage and nobody laughs at any of my jokes. I’m pretty sure that if they had tomatoes, they would throw them. And I was like, you know, Gabe, how did your show go? Ahh, I shit the bed, it was awful. I’ve said it about so many people, Jackie. We talk about language a lot on this show, you know. Are you bipolar? Are you a person living with bipolar? You know, words matter. We need to change our speech patterns. And you and I have long held that. Look, we just need to talk about this, because getting it out in the open is what’s important. And I thought of the phrase “shit the bed,” everybody uses it, but the phrase, oh, you shit, the bed is actually quite problematic potentially for people. Well, like you, Jackie. People like you know me now. Yeah. We all do it. Not to make this a show about language all of the sudden, but it just shows you that there’s just a ton of phrases that have a meaning that you don’t realize until you realize. I thought the phrase shit, the bed was just a phrase. It had no meaning and it had nothing to do with me. Now I want you to know I’m still gonna use the phrase. Love the phrase. The phrase is fantastic. And I hope that when people come up to me and say, Hey, Gabe, you shit the bed, they’re telling me I did a bad job because I don’t want this to be my thing. But yeah, just it’s it’s out there now. It’s out there now that this is something that happens to people.

Jackie: Well, you’re acutely aware of it now. Right. It’s personal at this point. Whereas before it was just a phrase. Now it’s something that you actually have lived through. That’s what made me feel like this would be a good episode because I have lived this many times. But as somebody who does not live with a bowel disease, you’ve experienced it now. And I think a lot of people who listen to our show, specifically those who take psychiatric medications, also may experience this because that is a common side effect of a lot of these medications.

Gabe: So that’s a very interesting thing that you bring up first we got to define the word common. We don’t want everybody to freak out. You know, common is something out there. You know, one in one hundred thousand is common because there’s three billion people in the world. So the word common, you know, can be problematic. I only say that because I don’t want everybody to stop taking their medications for fear of shitting the bed.

Jackie: It’s a good point. It’s not common in that it’s going to happen to everybody. But when you get your medication, it comes with that little piece of paper that has a bunch of teeny tiny words on it and it’s called the P.I, which is the package insert. And on that lists all the side effects, everything you could possibly ever know. And everybody I know promptly rips it off the front of their package and throws it in the trash. You could read it. I read them, which maybe makes me an overachieving nerd, but I read them. I want to know what could possibly happen. And I think if you read yours, there’s a chance that side effect is on there.

Gabe: And you can see why it would be on there. I mean, if you really stop and think about it. Medication interacts with your body and everybody is different and our bodies job. The whole reason that we expel waste is to get bad things and unnecessary things away from us. So it really kind of makes sense that a common medication side effect could be anal leakage or diarrhea or that kind of diarrhea that happens in the middle of the night when you’re not expecting it. And I was really surprised at how common it was. And again, when I say common, I mean, it’s just happened to everybody at least once. I thought that I was the only person that this ever happened to save for my friend Jackie. And I was kind of lucky. Right. And I’m being very sincere here because you were open and wrote the article about shitting the bed. And because we’ve talked about it before on the show, I’ve seen your speeches at conferences where you talk about this illness and all of the things that you went through. And it made me feel not so alone. But the reality is, most people don’t know a Jackie. The reality is, most people don’t know a Gabe. Most people don’t know anybody. A lot of people are managing these things all by themselves. They’re managing especially mental health issues, especially mental illness. And they don’t want to talk about it. And I want to be very clear that this is something that is going to happen to probably every adult. And when I say every adult, I don’t mean every 80 year old. I don’t mean every person in a nursing home. No, we’re talking 20, 30, 40, 50 year olds. We’re talking young people, middle aged people. It is the body doing what the body is supposed to be doing. You know, in the most scary and traumatic of ways.

Jackie: It’s true. This could happen to just about anybody for just about any reason.

Gabe: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Announcer: Interested in learning about psychology and mental health from experts in the field? Give a listen to the Psych Central Podcast, hosted by Gabe Howard. Visit PsychCentral.com/Show or subscribe to The Psych Central Podcast on your favorite podcast player.

Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Jackie: And we’re back, talking about, ah, we’re talking about shitting the bed, that’s what we’re talking about. And the reason I really wanted to talk about it was not only just to be like, hey, you’re not alone. Shit the bed twins, right. But was also because I wanted to say this thing could happen and it could happen to any of us at any time. How do you make this thing not become a massive trigger to tank your mental health? Because it could if you let it right. If you bought into the stigma of the phrase shit, the bed, the embarrassment that’s associated with the digestive tract. All of these negative feelings around this natural thing that we do. It’s easy to see how that could have a really negative effect on you. And I think that it’s important to touch on that because one, we’re a mental health podcast. But two, because this is something that if it hasn’t already happened to you, could be in your future.

Gabe: And there’s nothing that you can do to avoid it. I hate to say it that way, but my, my, my. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it’s the middle of the night. You’re just waking up. It’s groggy. You realize something horrific has happened. You don’t know what to do because this is not something that people make a game plan for because nobody ever thinks it’s going to happen to them. And you know, you’ve got to be practical. You got to clean this up. But then you’ve got to decide, like, what to do. And as much as I hate to say that we’re going to cover, you know, post shit self-care methods. I think that we need to discuss it because when and if this happens to you, I don’t want it to derail your entire mental health plan because frankly, that would be worse. Nobody wants to shit the bed. But that’s a one time occurrence. That’s something that happens to you once every day of your life. You’re managing mental health and mental illness. And that is like your whole entire outlook. And you don’t want something that might happen or something that has happened once to become the focal point of your self-care routine. Jackie, as the expert, what do you do?

Jackie: Well, there’s a couple different things that I think you should do, especially if we’re talking about this in context of likely the cause being some kind of psychiatric medication. The first thing to do, well, not the exact first thing, but maybe after you do some other things, is probably to call your doctor. And that’s important for a couple reasons. One, to report to your doctor that this happened and put it in your file. So if it keeps happening, maybe you need to reassess your medication. The other reason is because this kind of event is so underreported. It does not become known as a side effect of medications because we don’t want to talk about it. So then we don’t talk to our doctors about it because whoa, embarrassing cannot possibly do that. And then they don’t know to tell the other patients. This could be a thing to happen, too. So call your doctor. And if you can do it over the phone, it feels less invasive when you’re not face to face having this conversation. Send an email if you have a patient portal. There’s a lot of ways that you can do this. Protect yourself. Potentially help other patients without having to be face to face, which I know I have done. It is a very uncomfortable conversation to have, even when this is something that happens to you on the regular.

Gabe: It’s also important to bring it up to your psychiatric service providers because it might not have anything to do with your medication. It might not have anything to do with your mental health. It might not have anything to do with your mental illness. It could just be bad luck. People do get sick. People do get diarrhea. You decide to eat at that sketchy joint that just opened and you’re like, hey, the prices are good. You get steak for $5.99. And it made you sick. Also, as we age, the foods that we can eat and not have issues surrounding really does change. My mom used to say that I had a cast iron stomach. Clearly that is no longer true.

Jackie: The next thing that I would do is find someone you trust in your life and tell this story to just verbal vomit. What happened? Get it out of you and then hopefully never talk about it again. And the reason why is because and this is maybe, maybe this is just me, but if I have something traumatic and horrifying and embarrassing that happens, I want to keep that shit inside. Ha ha.

Gabe: I see what you did there.

Jackie: Horrible pun. I want to keep it inside. I want to internalize it. I’m probably going to isolate about it. And that’s not good. I’m going to perseverate on it. I’m going to keep reliving it. It’s going to probably have a really bad effect on how I’m feeling about myself, how I’m feeling about life. It could really take things bad quickly. And I think that by getting it out into the world, it’s one of those things that maybe who you tell is like, oh my god, me too. I totally do that, too. You never know. I just think it’s really important to share it with someone. Maybe it’s your therapist. Maybe that’s the safest place for you. But I I would not keep this inside. I think to preserve mental health. It needs to sort of live on the outside.

Gabe: I think that’s exactly right because I know how I internalize it and catastrophize things. I’m still having arguments with my ex-wife in my head thinking, what if I would have said this? Then she would have said that. Then I would have done this and then I would have won the argument. And it would always start off this way. Oh, I’m sad that this happened. Oh, but that time, she said this. Oh, I could have said that. Oh, I am so angry. And it never ends in a good place. And when I finally started to talk it out with people, one of those people being my therapist, I stopped doing that. If you keep something this big in your head, you’re going to keep thinking, oh, my god, what if I wouldn’t have eaten this? What if I would’ve taken my pills at a different time? What if I would have just woken up? What if I would have? And you’re going to what if yourself to death? Because there is no end to your imagination. And if you are anything like me, my imagination is mean to me. I always think about all of the things I did wrong. And all of the reasons that I’m an awful person. And as much as I didn’t want this to happen and as much as I never want it to happen again, which is why I’m following up with my doctors and doing everything I can to make sure that this never happens again. It was helpful to find out how common this is. It was also very helpful to find out that more likely than not, I’m not in any danger. The body was doing what the body does, and while it’s unfortunate and not happy, it’s not necessarily unhealthy. I need to follow up with my doctor to find that out 100 percent, but for the most part, shitting the bed, not life threatening.

Jackie: Much like Brene Brown, who I respect a boatload, says, this could create a shame storm. And the problem with the shame storm is that if you don’t get it out of you and maybe share it with somebody, God forbid it happens again, then what do you do? Right. You’ve already created this thing you can’t talk about. It already makes you feel terrible. Then it happens again. And just the potential for the downward trajectory is huge. So I feel like for you, for the people around you, for the other people in the world who also shit the bed. It’s very important to share this experience. You don’t have to do it on the Internet like I did multiple times at this point. You don’t have to share for the greater good in that sense, but preserve yourself and make sure that everything’s cool and that your mental health is going to be preserved regardless of this incident.

Gabe: Jackie also think it’s worth pointing out severe and persistent mental illness as a cause for incontinence, both urination and bowel issues. When I was so depressed, I was suicidally depressed. I did not want to get out of bed. And even though I knew that I was going to urinate, I did not have the strength to move. I just couldn’t. And I was so depressed, I didn’t care. I would rather lay there in my own waste than walk the 10 steps to the bathroom. And that was just the reality of where I was. The same thing can happen the other way. And when we consider psychosis, when you’re literally out of your mind, when you don’t know where you are, this can lead to all kinds of things that aren’t desirable. It’s not just thinking that you’re being chased by people that aren’t there. It’s also about not understanding the needs of your physical body, which going to the bathroom is some of those. It really just is common for many, many reasons. And the reasons are going to be individualized. I don’t think that I can state that enough. I don’t want anybody to listen to this podcast and say, hey, the Not Crazy people said that I did this because of X. No, the Not Crazy people said, tell your doctor, see your doctor, get to the bottom of it. But more likely than not, it’s not that big of a deal. That’s what the Not Crazy people said.

Jackie: Gabe, I know that talking about, we’ll say things of the disgusting nature, is not your forte. You have mentioned that on numerous occasions.

Gabe: I hate it.

Jackie: I think it was really brave of you to call me and to be willing to put this in a podcast. And I use the term brave rarely because it’s not my favorite term, but I do think that it was brave. So if you’re feeling the way that Gabe feels or you have shit the bed, the way that Gabe did and I have as well, let’s be real here. If you take nothing away from this episode, let it be these few things. One, you’re not alone. At least you know Gabe and I have also shit the bed. Two, please call your doctor, make sure that everything is ok. And three, do not internalize this. Share it with someone, someone you trust, someone who will not judge you and just make sure that you’re taking care of yourself both physically and mentally after something like this.

Gabe: And hey, after you’re done doing all of that, share this podcast everywhere. Thanks, everybody, for tuning into this episode, please. Wherever you downloaded this podcast, give us as many stars or hearts as humanly possible and use your words. Tell us why you liked it. Love something about the show? Hate something about the show? Want to give us an idea? Or hey, just like emailing strangers? Hit us up at [email protected]. Stay tuned after the credits for an outtake, and listen on a show like this, it’s probably going to be a good one. We’ll see everybody next week.

Jackie: See ya.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to Not Crazy from Psych Central. For free mental health resources and online support groups, visit PsychCentral.com. Not Crazy’s official website is PsychCentral.com/NotCrazy. To work with Gabe, go to gabehoward.com. To work with Jackie, go to JackieZimmerman.co. Not Crazy travels well. Have Gabe and Jackie record an episode live at your next event. E-mail [email protected] for details.

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