#words and other wonders

[aliaspen]

My bones

They're made of calcium and grief

And me?

I've only ever known peace in my sleep

#personal #spilled ink #words and other wonders #poeticstories #writerscreed #aliaspen #September 2 2023

[inkskinned]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this'' #and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion'' #so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop! #and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

[zephyrine-gale]

thinking about scaramouche team dynamics ft scarabedo

#genshin impact #albedo #scaramouche #wanderer #my art #two artificial humans??? interacting?? #i need it rn mihoyo pls give me their interaction #one can create things with the power of science and the other was created to be a powerful vessel #i wonder if albedo would be able to create a beating heart... #i think albedo would be curious abt scara since they are kind of similar #scara probably hates the word experiment and research (esp when done to him) though #so that's a learning curve they'd have to get over #EDIT: OMG I FORGOT ALBEDOS NECK MARK #I EVEN WROTE IT IN MY NOTES YSTD............

[socialist-microwave-laser]

jews: hey so this word is so important that historically it was only ever said once a year on the holiest day of the year and only by one guy. this tradition stopped after the fall of the second temple and everybody has forgotten how to pronounce it, and it's been deemed unpronounceable. now, we use a word to replace it, but you're not allowed to say it outside of prayer or reading torah aloud. any printed material that has it written must be buried in a graveyard like a human, it can't simply be thrown out

christians: *treat the word like a fucking trivia question, have songs that just mispronounce say it on repeat for the entire chorus, make shitty ugly ass earrings with the word written on it, include the word in fun translation exercises like it's just like any other word*

#and christians wonder why i'm so uncomfortable around them #also that one guy before the fall of the second temple that said it did so as a part of a ritual that was deemed so dangerous people would #literally tie a string around him in case he died so they could pull him out without going in after him #anyway my biblical hebrew class starts tomorrow and the textbook was made by a bunch of evangelicals and it has the shem hashem and so many #other words that make me physically uncomfortable to have just sitting in a textbook #jumblr #christian antisemitism #antisemitism tw #judaism #jewish history #jewish culture

[ccassettetape]

i am writing an accidental haiku to attract haiku bot

#haiku bot #🦾 finn txt #normal post. average. average words in these tags. #need to catch it. with a net maybe. like those ones that they always show ppl catching butterflies and junk with on shows. pspsppspspspspsp #ooooooooooh u wanna look at this post so bad oooooooooh #<- attempting to attract haiku bot to this post #wowoowoooowowowowowoowowowowowowoowowowoowowowoowowiwoowiwiwoowowowowoowowwwww (<- normal noises) #I wonder if there’s a limit to how many tags you can add #time to begin the haiku bot summoning ritual um #oooowowowowoowowowwwwooooo haiku bot haiku bot haiku bot oooowoowowowowwwwwwwu you wanna look at this post haiku bot ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoo #throws flower. get over here please. #man. my arm hurts. #its weird bc one #why does my arm hurt thats really donking random but two im not?? why do i have an arm. i still get kinda surprised by it when i front lmao #why am i rambling so much in the tags #oh right trying to figure out if theres a limit to how many tags there can be dhdjdjndhdjsjmsjdjd #i think lesbians are cool. girls who like other girls are awesome. keep existing 👍 #uhhhhhhhh #never mind im done with that now i dont anything more to say :( #never mind again #tags tags tags tags tags #LISTEN IM BORED AS HECK AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING RANDOM AND SILLY SHUSH #journal

[theabigailthorn]

Thanks to all my patrons for supporting me!

Turns out when you actually do your own research and writing [AHEM!] it takes time to make good content. These awesome names and plenty of generous people like them help make that happen. Their pledges give me the time to research the show PROPERLY and also go towards paying the crew, who make the show look spectacular.

If you can, and you wanna support what I do, sign up and join them :)

#philosophytube #philosophy chube #seriously though it makes me so mad that guy made so much money stealing other people's words #like I put so much flippin work into Philosophy Tube #and this a-hole just read out books and scammed his patrons #infuriating #but what are you gonna do jake? It's ContentTown #I hope my patrons see their money going on the screen #oh also in case you were wondering the patreon pledges go into a separate bank account that's for Philosophy Tube #they don't go into my personal accounts #and if there's anything left over at the end of an episode it rolls over into the budget for the next one

[rudeboimonster]

~help your local rat get stable housing~

edit post nov 2023: I GOT THE HELP I NEEDED THANK YOU SOSOOSO MUCH

dramatically sprawled out on the floor

so i gotta move for the third time in that many years. unfortunately between health problems and the General State of The Economy, I have been unable to find work to be able to save any money. i have no choice but to leave the entire state. i thankfully have somewhere to go, however I need help getting there. i've been trying to do the math to get what I need to its lowest amount possible, but even that is still at least $2.5k.

after this move, i should be able to get things more stable and I might even have a couple job prospects lined up in that area, but right now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel funds wise and desperately need help.

if you're able to spare anything, i've set up a goal through kofi so i can track it publicly. i have trouble asking for help but i really need what help i can get. thank you, so so so much.

#mutual aid #fundraiser #help #god i dont know what to tag this im just kinda ripping off the bandage bc ive been anxious about posting about this since i got asked to #leave. head in hands. please help by spreading the word if you cant spare any cash i completely understand. #i dont know what i can offer. my ability to do art has been really really low and with my sleeping/living arrangements my wrists shoulders #back have been in fucking wretches states so its hard for me to do much #if youre wonder about the other fundraiser i did a few years ago #the person i replaced in a renting situation ended up fucking me over and got basically evicted into the 2nd week of college and i had 3 da #to leave that situation or more people wouldve gotten fucked over. and ive been basically couch surfing since trying to find work #anyways i havent slept in a bed for more than a weekend since october 2021 my back is turbo fucked please help

[sketchy--akechi]

in addition to the tags on my latest rb: i absolutely think people can interpret characters and relationships differently and its not like one version is definitely right and the other wrong but it completely BAFFLES me how often i see people claiming akechi hates akira as if the game didn't literally spell it out to us twice (once in the form of morgana, and once in the form of maruki) that this isn't the case

and whoever thinks akira hates akechi is just projecting there is literally no other way

#friendly reminder that morganas “you dont actually hate joker right” isnt even correctly translated #he says 気に入る in japanese iirc #which can mean “liking” or “being fond of” or “taking a fancy to” etc #in other words morgana LITERALLY SPELLS IT OUT TO US THAT AKECHI *LIKES* JOKER #and sometimes i remember this and then wonder if persona reddit has no reading comprehension whatsoever #txt

[kaibascorpse]

i may be hung for saying this but honestly when a transmasc/man starts championing for why transandrophobia isn’t real it gives a very “pick-me” or “nice guy” kind of vibe. like ooh you can trust me i’m not like those other evil misogynistic trans men who think men are oppressed! and i think it really reflects the internalized transandrophobia that they feel they have to denounce other trans men for the crime of uhh *checks notes* using words to talk about our experiences

#like hmm i wonder if there is another underlying reason why you might want to prove that youre a ‘safe person’ by distancing yourself from #other transmascs? could it be… no. i shant say it #transandrophobia #literally watching transguys do mental gymnastics to explain the oppression transmascs experience without acknowledging that anti-male #sentiment or transandrophobia exist would be hilarious if it wasnt so sad #the fact that it takes you several paragraphs to explain it is exactly why we Need a Word for it

[coolattas]

thinking about lucretia adventurezone and grinding my teeth down to the gums because holy fuck dude. holy shit. she was impossibly, horribly young on the starblaster. three hops and a jump from being a fucking baby. the two-sunned planet is devoured by the hunger in the same year that she graduates from high school. she is easily the youngest of the birds, even considering the differing rates of aging amongst the rest of the crew. teenaged astrophysicist, wizard, author, artist, without ties solid enough back home to keep her from the starblaster's maiden voyage. she writes and rewrites every moment she can wring from her memories into enough notebooks that it's damn near arthritis-inducing to step within 50 feet of the stacks upon stacks of field notes, of detailed accounts and gentle, domestic benignity. she loves and she loses and it still can't ever prepare her for the next decade. a century dwarfs the time she spends alone running the bureau, but the sheer magnitude of her loss is incomparable. lucretia learns to live in the stolen century, learns to rely on others, learns to trust and care and laugh and build, create, sacrifice, indulge. she pries these things away from herself in the name of a greater good, to what she believes to be their only hope. she sees the agony they're in, and she inadvertently compounds that anguish when she tries to fix it. she is 18 and 118 when she feeds fisher her journals. she is 30 and 130 and 50 and 150 when taako holds a staff to her chest and counts down like it means anything to her anymore that she dies. maybe it's atonement, but even that sounds far too holy a word to describe it. her brother grips her life in his hands, and she thinks it's only fair that he is the one to soundly smother it at last. the lonely journal-keeper is so young and so impossibly old and she is so, so tired. her family will outlive her by centuries. she will be a fine powder, dust beneath the crust of the planet, long before she believes their forgiveness will ever be known. if that day comes at all. everything she has ever done is soured by a guilt so weighty that she spends every day trying to play damage control with the havoc she feels solely responsible for having wrought. she lives within the confines of dichotomy, of red and blue and good and bad, even when she knows she's lying through her teeth, because its easier to live with herself (it's not) when she justifies it, when everyone else lives and dies by the idea that she got it right. she spends 12 years alone, sitting in the thick of her own grief. she mourns men who are right in front of her face. she sees the way they have changed, so fundamentally, sees the ways her choices have ruined them. 12 years is such a long time to be alone. 12 fucking years. she ages 32 in the same span, shedding decades in wonderland in the blink of an eye, and she knows she's running out of time. she's willing to give up whatever she has left, without question. lucretia loves so fiercely and so unquestionably and still she believes herself to be irredeemably cruel when really she was just so scared, tethered to any sense of hope only by the idea that she was doing right by her family. in a position that no one should have to be in, a situation that virtually no one else could truly understand. she was so young and she suffered so, so much. more than any person should. she is flawed but she is not the monster she convinces herself she has become. lucretia adventurezone they could never make me hate you lets kiss on the mouth ok?

#broodingpilled toilposting #c - taz #been a minute since i listened to later eps so this is almost definitely inaccurate to some degree or another #but thought about her so much i felt the need to throw a tantrum about her online #she is so compelling. griffin mcelroy FUCK you. dick. #post canon dynamics between her n the rest of ipre are fascinating and enchanting and a million billion other fucking words to me. good god #lucretia i love you. please try zoloft. #godspeed you sre wonderful #I LOVE HER lucretia hate makes my blood boil #even aside from the complexity of her character and narrative at large she is such a delightful character #her early interactions with thb are such a treat. #the adventure zone #taz balance #the adventure zone balance #will.wav

[bookwyrminspiration]

when someone you've known for a little bit drops that they're queer and you just know they were waiting and that you passed their test!! best feeling in the world knowing they decided they can trust you

#lgbtq #queer #i passed a classmate's test today it was a wonderful feeling <3 #well. the several weeks we've known each other were probably me being tested #but still!! #he dropped it casually and then we had a conversation about the word queer it was lovely #adds an extra layer of connection to your acquaintances #you know what I mean?

[aliaspen]

My heart is a house with a wooden floor

A picket fence and a red front door

A yard with a dog house, a hose and a shed

A garden, a walk way and one flower bed

Inside are trinkets, a kitchen, a bed

For Shame or Regret to rest weary heads

Guilt sets the table, Fear brews the tea

And Love haunts the corners where no one can see

But you'll sense her near if you listen close

For the boards they creak wheree'er she goes

'Cause my heart is a house with a wooden floor

A picket fence and a red front door

March 22, 2024

#spilled ink #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry portal #words and other wonders #aliaspen #alia's pen

[heymrspatel]

can we talk about this real quick? like can we talk about how ian's just lying there looking at his husband in their new space? were they chatting? quiet pillow talk? were they just being quiet and ian was taking it upon himself to fondly observe him? thank you for your time.

ray. you come into my house with this? fully knowing? the effect? it's going? to HAAAVE?! i see how it is...

i think it's a mix of all. i think they're absolutely floating in the afterglow. just taking their time coming down. caressing. quietly talking. taking their time with what they want to say. conversations about anything and nothing. "do you want pancakes tomorrow?" and "we have an easy work day planned" and "i loved how you touched me tonight" and "kiss me" slow, soft. little smooches. little giggles. long stares. easy smiles. heavy sighs. a 'baby' here. a 'big guy' there. i love you, i love you, i love you.

but, i know ian also took his time looking. just going over all those features he already has memorized. mickey's straight nose, his long eyelashes, his eyebrows currently at rest, his freckles. so many! lighter than ian's, but there all the same. his shiny black hair, his ears, his neck - faintly marked - beautiful, collarbone, shoulders, chest, belly, down down down... ian's hands slowly touching everything he's looking at. with his fingers tips, feather soft. mickey all floaty and glowy and warm, accepting it all.

so, yea. i think everything, softly and slowly.

#eepy baby! i'm fully wondering if you're still awake and are going to see this lol but here it goes 🤞🏼 #i wont yell at you for dropping this in my lap cause shhhh you're sleepy - maybe tomorrow 💙 #but thank you for making me lose it more than i already had upon seeing this gifset. i've seen what god has done for others. i simply ask.. #i love YOU! you get my silly words #also i would love for tumblr to stop deleting my ray tags. out of all the things this website has done. this is the worst. #whatthebodygraspsnot #asks #shameless #gallavich #ian x mickey #j ramble drabbles

[darlingod]

I just realized Cardan is Jude’s mirror twin and Taryn is her divided in half twin???

OHHHHHHH??? Holly pulled a Cardan/Val Moren out here on us. She actually made Jude and Cardan living parallels.

I tried making a post with more examples but it was absurdly fucking long, so here are some the ones that made the cut

—When Taryn said “I’m the mirror you don’t want to look at.” She was wrong, Jude had always admired her because she was her other half, Taryn was what Jude couldn’t be. Cardan is always the one she doesn’t want to look at, the one she hates to face more than anyone.

—both the youngest siblings

—Cardan, professional at sparring for love. Jude, a professional at sparring for war (this gives their entire relationship so much perspective)

—They have so many misunderstandings because they see themselves in each other. They often assume the meanings of each other’s actions based on why their own selves would act like that toward them. And they do it without realizing.

#WHY DIDNT ANYONE FUCKING TELL ME SKJFOWMAKE #WHO KNEW AND DIDNT TELL ME #ITS EVERYWHERE IN THIS BOOK #they literally learn from each other and progressively act more and more like the other #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #jurdan #the cruel prince #the wicked king #queen of nothing #sorry about that last one I didn’t know how to word it😭😭 #I wonder how many posts I’ve made that start with “I just realized” #or “I love when” #“I can’t get over the fact” #“when (name) did (blank) OMGGG” #“I can’t believe that”

[uncanny-tranny]

The funniest thing about adulthood is learning that playing never stopped at childhood. Adults play, but they couch it in so many words, unless it is sports or video games, which are apparently appropriate things to accurately call "play."

Play is important, and I hope young people know that they won't be giving up the safety and fun of play in order to become Stuffy Adults. Don't fear growing up because everybody tells you how miserable you will be. You will be the same as you were, just in a bigger body.

#positivity #encouragement #encouraging words #i think this is part of the reason people are afraid TO grow up #play is a human need actually <3 #you don't stop needing play just because you reach a magical number that wipes away All Fun #i wonder how many people would be more keen on growing older if we actually let them be people #play isn't childish it is human <3 #i know i have talked about this before but i personally think it's imoortant <<3 #going to go to my other adult friends like 'yo you wanna come over and play' like that one scene in diary of a wimpy kid

[myonmukyuu]

This probably was the most romantic part for me,,,,,

#wanting to stay close to each other for awhile longer #even if its not needed anymore... #(chef kiss) #i can die happy #like the sweeping 'just as much as yu-chan i love you setsuna' #is wonderful but im very weak to actions speaking louder than words... #love live nijigasaki #love live #setsuayu #setsuna yuki #ayumu uehara #also that “oh nana-chan...” #HHGHHHHH #IM FINE IM NORMAL #(begins chewing on a shoe like a dog who doesnt get enough enrichment)