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#words cannot describe how upset i am that i made this

lunargrapejuice · 1 month

Note

Hiya Luna, I hope you’re doing well 🥰! I saw your requests were open and decided to send one in, I hope thats alright! If I may, may I ask for Sephiroth and the prompt “It’s weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it’s like I don’t wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling.” please? Ngl I was going to ask for Cloud or Zack because they’re my faves, but I got too nervous 🙈!

Thank you so much and I hope you have a lovely weekend 🥰!

lyra!!! it is more than alright! i am so so happy that you did🥰🩷 and PLEASE LOVELY YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY ASK FOR ZACK OR CLOUD!! - I'D LOVE TO TRY WRITING SOMETHING FOR THEM💕 thank you so much for submitting this one🥺 - i'm down bad bad this also got longer than i planned whoops 🤭

🌙 prompt event

“it’s weird. i never thought i could feel like this, but you showed up. now, it’s like i don’t wanna go on knowing i might lose the feeling.” | sephiroth x reader with no pronouns used

it’s safe to admit to himself that love is very unfamiliar.

growing up sephiroth was taught that such feelings make you weak, softens the heart that should be hardened and cold and calculating. over time he had learned for himself how not necessarily true that was. maybe it wasn’t love, at least not in the capacity in which he feels it now, but he’s cared for comrades and friends even when others might argue it made him weak. but what’s before him now, and slipping through his fingers each day that passes, is something he has never experienced.

something he never saw coming and hasn’t known what to do with but also doesn’t know what to do without.

and he was going without considering you were actively avoiding him and hadn't spoken a word to him in what felt like weeks. even in meetings you were forced to attend together, you always left swiftly and without another glance his way, finding one reason or another to deny him a moment of your time and when he almost caught you alone in the hallway, your eyes meeting for but a moment, you were gone as quickly as he had blinked.

he has been wrecking his brain on what he had done wrong that would make you avoid him, his mind wandering to the chest aching distance between you every chance it got. he had almost lost to angeal in training two days because of it and nearly again to genesis today before his friend looked knowingly into his eyes and recited loveless; ‘the wandering soul knows no rest’

the words echo in his mind, in genesis’ voice no less, when he spots you in the distance. restlessness doesn’t quite begin to describe what your absence was doing to him. it was an uncomfortableness he had never felt before. one he had to do something about because every day it grows worse and if it stays like this he fears you’ll be torn from him entirely.

it already feels like you are. he looks as collected as he always does but inside his heart stirs and he knows he cannot let this go any longer.

you swear you saw him down the hall in your side view. he was impossible to miss for so many reasons but the most prominent of them all being your eyes were always evidently drawn to him, just like your heart had been and you cursed them both when they made you stall in your sprint to run away and avoid him right now.

it’s not as though it’s what you wanted but it is what you felt was best when you could feel yourself not being able to hold back your emotions. he couldn’t know, even though you’re sure it was written all over your face everytime you stole a glance but stolen looks weren’t the same as saying the words i love you and being rejected by someone you couldn’t bear to lose.

so you started your plan of avoiding him until those feelings disappeared. except the distance had not made them go anywhere, leaving them to simmer uncomfortably in your chest like they might burn you. when you saw his lips fall each time you made an excuse to get out of his vicinity, you felt nauseous for upsetting him. it wouldn’t be forever, you keep telling yourself but you don’t know how true that actually is. you cannot picture a life without these feelings; without the way his smile makes your insides buzz with warm incomparable to the sun, with how safe and cared for you feel in his proximity and how utterly gentle shinras strongest soldier is whenever he touches you.

you turn around to make your escape just in case your peripheral vision is not playing tricks on you but before you can make it two steps, you’re staring at his half hidden chest, hardened leather around soft skin your hand aches to touch. so it’s like that, using his actual speed to not let you get away. perhaps you had made him more upset than you initially thought..

“sephiroth!” you smile up at him and it nearly reaches your eyes if it weren’t for the shake of your voice that accompanies your eagerly beating heart.

“you’ve been avoiding me.” it’s not a question but a very obvious observation that fills you with guilt, though he hadn’t said it in an accusing tone.

your smile falls and you swallow the lump building in your throat, unable to meet his eyes but you don’t try to deny it. “.. i’m sorry. i just..” you can’t find any words that aren’t just the truth.

taking a step back, to run or just put a little more distance between you and find your strength to push back the emotions, you really aren’t sure for which but within an instant his hands are on your face, cupping your jaw like you’re made of glass but in a steady hold that told you he didn’t want to let go, bringing your gaze up to his. you could pull away if you really wanted, you knew he’d let go without you having to ask but you don’t do anything of the sort.

thin slitted pupils stare back at you, swirling in a sea of blue and green and glowing with mako and your brain screams for you to bite your tongue while your heart urges the words forward but he looks at you like he’s going to say something, staring at you with an expression you can’t decipher nor look away from while he pauses.

he says your name, breaking the silence between you, and you hope he can’t feel the heat of your cheeks and neck with the way your body reacts to the way he says it. then he chuckles a bit breathlessly, like it’s helping him let go of something that was holding him back before.

“i cannot stand being away from you. it’s weird..” he says, his thumbs brush along your cheeks and you swear the world around you stops, like the goddess is leaving this moment only for the two of you. “i never thought i could feel like this,” he smiles fondly and you feel your eyes soften in time with his, your hearts beating with sync. “like i have something to care for. someone i can be my true self with. but you showed up and now, it’s like i don’t want to go on knowing i might lose the feeling.”

your heart is somehow tearing and mending itself back together at his words and you finally let yourself touch him in return, feeling the wetness of your tears dripping from your lashes before you realize you’re crying.

his expression falls to worry as he wipes every tear that falls but all you can do is smile and shake your head, closing the distance between you and letting your worries crash to the ground as you reply to him in earnest.

♡♡♡♡♡

main masterlist

#final fantasy vii #sephiroth #sephiroth x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #final fantasy x reader #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #ff7 x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for telling my sister that I didn't find her instagram post funny and that I didn't want her to send me things like that again?

I (32f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (34f). We have gotten somewhat better over time, but we have always had a strained relationship. We are about as opposite as you can be. Social rights issues? No compromise. ACAB? Constant disagreements. Politics: best never mention them. TV Shows? No interest at all. Music? We cannot stand each other's music. We genuinely have nothing except our blood and the fact we were raised by the same people in common.

I am currently in the process of finishing my PhD and live on a different continent to her. We have been vaguely trying to talk and maintain a cordial friendship from afar.

For the past four months I had been preparing for a conference that I was organizing, leading, and moderating. It was a massive project that will be a huge part of my dissertation research, and it went very well. The day after the conference I had a long career planning discussion with some academic advisors, and spent about three hours talking in my second language with my own advisor. The combination of everything left me genuinely exhausted to the point that I woke up the day after it all still too tired to move.

After I woke up, I realized I had a text from her containing an instagram link - no comment, no notes, no context, just the link. I know I wasn't in a perfect headspace and still needed more sleep, but I clicked it because usually she just spam sends me instagram videos about random baby rearing things she finds funny. I don't find any of them amusing, but tolerate them because she seems to enjoy it. I usually just nod my head or offer a few responses to show I've seen it and move on.

But this video was different. This video was, as far as I can tell, an influencer attempt at selling an AI. It had a young woman walk into a classroom with the onscreen text describing how "my professor is the same age as us and she has her phd!" and when she was asked how she got it, the video shows how the "teacher" went onto Youtube, put Youtube videos into this AI which created an algorithm to summarize the video. It ends with the words "University is a joke in 2024".

I was....genuinely offended. After everything I had been through working on this conference and with years of thesis work, I was just hurt. I watched it a few times, trying to understand what it was even trying to say, and could come up with no good reason for why she would just send it to me. So I wrote back to her "idk how you even want me to respond."

She said she thought it was funny, and I asked her if she understood why I wouldn't find it funny. She wrote back "because you lack my sense of humor smh." I tried explaining why I was upset and reframed it in the context of her job. She doubled down that she thought it was funny, but that it was because she thought it was amusing anyone would think they could get any kind of degree like that.

I explained that AI is genuinely a problem in universities right now and that our students are using it to get through their classes and it's causing a lot of chaos with profs trying to crack down on it. Then I told her it felt like she sent me something just to annoy me.

The argument continued from there. I asked her not to send me stuff like that again, and she asked how she was supposed to know I would be triggered by an AI video, and that I was being oversensitive, and how it was my fault for always assuming that she is plotting to piss me off and that she can never show an interest in my life without me having a "feelings dumpfest" and calling her out for being a bully.

I don't understand how she could think sending a video to me saying "university is a joke in 2024" with no context at all would be taken as a joke in the first place. And I felt like if I didn't tell her I didn't like this kind of video and why it made me upset she would keep sending things like this to me I'd have to keep seeing and ignoring future posts.

AITA for telling her I didn't think it was funny and to stop?

Should I have just ignored it and gone back to sleep? (At this point that's what I felt like I should have done...)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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minhosimthings · 5 months

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To bring the Stars down

Synopsis: In which you have a late night stroll with your lover

Pairings: Hyunjin × fem!reader

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, mention of food, did I mention fluff

A/N: HYUNJIN BRAINROT WOOHOO. Look it's his fault HE JUST HAD TO POST THOSE BF CODED PICS ON INSTAGRAM DIDN'T HE. I'm telling you, they got instagram accounts to make us more delusional. Also I know this is really short but look my brain couldn't write anything more without me giggling every two seconds. This is for my darling @astraystayyh . May this make you as delusion as you make me everyday 😚

The night sky is an interesting thing isn't it? To describe the night sky is to describe a prism. Many sides, one surface, yet a thousand colours passing through it, making it a painting no frame could handle. And yet humanity has been afraid of it, fearing what the dark may bring. Of course it may bring chaos. But hasn't anyone thought about how it could bring calm? Calm as in to look up at the stars and wonder which one loved which? For when you love the stars, why would you be afraid of the night?

"Darling?" Hyunjin's eyes slowly shot open, feeling his legs being attacked by an invisible force, the invisible force being you, fidgeting around and twitching in your sleep. Hyunjin leaned slightly over to you, watching as your eyes were screaming to open up. Your breathing was shallow, and your forehead was covered with cold sweat, glistening under the influence of the soft moonlight coming in through the windows.

"Darling." He shook you by the shoulders gently, "Darling wake up." You could feel Hyunjin's warm hands caress your head as your eyes shot open, your body almost about to fall off the bed. "Nightmare?" Hyunjin whispered into your ear, voice raspy, as you sunk into his comforting embrace, like a ship succumbing to the sea. You hummed in response to him, not being able to get words out of your mouth. Your throat felt dry and all you wanted to do was stare up at the ceiling.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Hyunjin said, keeping his tone quiet, as if he was talking to a broken child. "No." You mumbled, as Hyunjin drew shapes onto your back with his finger, "Just want you." It seemed childish to you, to admit that you needed a person to comfort you when you were upset. It was as if you were a child, throwing a tantrum because her birthday balloons were green instead of pink.

Hyunjin smiled into the crook of your neck, where he has buried himself, like a rabbit burrowing itself into a hole. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Hyunjin suggested, loosening his grip on your waist, "See the pretty stars?" "Please." You sighed, letting out a breath which was trapped in you for what seemed like a cosmic year.

You dressed yourself quietly as Hyunjin stood outside in the living room, having dressed himself at the speed of Helios' chariot. "Wear a scarf my muse." He picked up a scarf of deep red wool from the hat rack, an unusual place to keep scarves, "I don't want you getting sick and missing our pottery date this week." He added as an afterthought. It made you smile softly, the way he would try to cheer you up. It reminded you of the time you first asked him the lingering question, 'why do you love me for who I am instead of who I pretend to be?', and he answered with something that you swore would have been the cause of your tombstone, 'Because you cannot love a rose, without pricking your finger on its thorn." He kissed your forehead, "Because you cannot paint a picture without having a flaw." He moved down to your nose, "Because the stars would never be beautiful without the night sky." Great first kiss wasn't it? A memory you'd hold onto for all of eternity.

The wind was chilly tonight as you roamed the streets with Hyunjin, causally willing away time. The lights from the few shops that still remained open, slightly blinded you, as you could see the owners contemplating whether or not to shut down for the night.

"Wait here darling." Hyunjin squeezed your hand before disappearing round an alleyway, leaving you all alone on the bench. The streets were quiet, an invincible fact considering that it was nearly midnight. Your eyes lingered up to the sky, tracing all the stars which rested on it, quite akin to freckles dotting someone's skin. You spotted a peculiar figure along the far right. No one told you Venus would be visible this late tonight. It decorated the sky well, like the mole on Hyunjin's face, which you would have loved to curl up in, like a cat snuggling up in her bed.

"Ta da." You heard a voice behind your ear. Hyunjin was holding a bouquet of magnolias, with tiny periwinkles gently poking out the corner. "I got us hot chocolate too." Hyunjin put two paper cups down on the bench, slightly adjusting his scarf. You took time in amusing yourself on how his cardigan and scarf made him look like an old suburban grandma, who'd knit the prettiest sweaters for her grandkids for Christmas.

"What's going on in that pretty mind of yours?" Hyunjin interrupted your train of thoughts, stiring his hot chocolate with the plastic stick. "Nothing." You smiled, "Just you and your stupidly beautiful face." Hyunjin raised a hand upto his chest, faking an expression of shock, which made both of you laugh out loud, the sound echoing through the night. The winds of Notus, Boreas, Eurus and Zephyrus ran through time like an expatriate, as you sat and sipped on delicious, gooey, melted chocolate. The best invention man ever made, you thought.

"Want to talk about it now?" Hyunjin quietly mused as you edged closer to him on the bench. You let out a breath and let your head lean on his shoulder. "I had a dream that you fell into a blackhole-" you started to realise how silly it all seemed, "-and that you never came back and your last words were 'How could I ever love you?'" Hyunjin stayed quiet for a while after you said your words. "it's silly." You mumbled, wearing a defeated look on your face. Hyunjin turned to look at you, his face all pink from the chilliness of the atmosphere. "Well I guess I can't go to work tomorrow." He sighed dramatically. "Why not?" You chuckled, sensing that he was about to do something silly. "Because-" his eyes widened, "-I have to find dream Hyunjin and destroy all his paintbrushes! How dare he do that to the love of my life!"

Your face widened into a grin as you laughed out loud, holding your stomach. Hyunjin's eyes crinkled as he smiled widely, his plan of making you happy working. "You wouldn't ever destroy paintbrushes." You gasped for air, loosing too much in the process of laughing, "Even if they were owned by someone you hate." Hyunjin merely shrugged at your words. "When it comes to you, my muse-" he embraced you tighter, "I would destroy the night sky to bring the stars down."

#hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin fluff #hwang hyunjin fluff #hyunjin drabble #hwang hyunjin drabble #skz #stray kids #stray kids drabble #skz drabble #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz fluff imagines #bye bye now

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coexistentialism · 7 months

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Long post again because you guys KNOW I can't keep it short lmfao. Mostly long because of having plain text for screenshots.

I think these screenshots perfectly encapsulates my experiences and perfectly shows what I mean when I talk about my frustrations with people treating terms like "monoconscious" like they're these separate, unique, distinctly different 'versions' of DID, instead of just... DID.

I just feel like it's alienating people almost?

Like, I don't know if this is going to make sense, but when I was looking into DID, aside from what I already mentioned, I would also frequently get people telling me about how "systems with high amounts of co-consciousness" or something along those lines, which is not a term I resonate with, nor do I understand it (and yes I already know what it means, but that doesn't mean I understand what it means or can understand how it applies to me/apply it to myself/etc.), but it did not validate me, it just made me more confused and upset because it felt like people were alienating me, like my experience with DID was truly different and unique and separate from everyone else's, and it felt like I didn't REALLY have DID because my experiences aren't like "everyone else's."

It felt, and feels, so alienating and isolating in spaces where people so naturally, easily, and constantly use common online system terminology for which I cannot relate or resonate with, and it felt like I didn't really have DID if my experience was somehow so vastly distinctly different from everyone else's that I need some special, unique word to separate it from just DID.

I don't know if any if this makes sense, but that's how it felt for me, it didn't feel validating, it just felt isolating and alienating and upsetting. I didn't want to be told that I had some special, unique "form" of DID that warrants it's own separate term or something, I needed to be told that my experiences were exactly what DID IS, that my experiences are exactly what most of us experience. Since I've come to know this, I have become much more confident in talking about my experiences BECAUSE I know that they are common, extremely common, for most people with DID to experience. BECAUSE I know that people out there are exactly like I once was: alienated and isolated with words that they can't relate to or resonate with, with online system spaces that they feel alienated and isolated in, surrounded by a loud minority who speak about their experiences in ways I cannot relate to or comprehend. And then I learned that their experiences ARE like mine. Just in different ways, with different words to describe the same and similar things.

i just want to know what's going on inside my head... i am just... ethan, and sometimes i'm in a different mood i never feel like im someone else, be it a different person or a different alter. if im proxying under the name sprite or cyan or whatever, i'm still ethan. not as a specific alter but because im. thats just. me. but it feels like every time i say that people are SO quick to jump to tell me "no you're not - who was this then?" or "another alter was here just yesterday dude" or stuff like that and I'm like yeah... That was still Ethan, because that was still me - I did not pass out while someone else was in control and I did not personally feel that someone else was in control. Everything I do and say is because I am making the purposeful, conscious choice to do them and say them. Nobody else is speaking for me or doing things for me. I'm sure other alters Are doing that when I'm not realizing because it's impossible to not have experienced that, like yeah obviously other alters can say things and do things and feel things that affect the front, but I just mean in general I'm always in control of what I'm doing and saying to people. But I'm just supposed to believe that I have other "people" in my brain? I'm just supposed to believe that I am a specific alter right now and I could be a completely different alter in two hours, or tomorrow, etc.? That's a joke to me. Why am I still so far behind everyone else I know with DID... Some of you guys are in therapy, and have been for a while, so it makes sense, but I think about all the people I've seen and met who went "I wonder if I have DID" like one time and suddenly all of their alters popped up and already knew themselves. Why has that not happened to me yet. Why? Why... I'm supposed to believe I have alters, but what's really happening is that I'm purposely putting names to myself at random times, just because I think I might be a specific alter idk im genuinely looking for input if anyone has anything. im desperate for anything, i dont really care. something to prove that its normal to feel this way idk if this is normal for did or not, or maybe i truly am just labelling myself as a singlet at different times (im not asking for anyone to tell me i have did, just if this is relatable..? at all...? and if so, how? idk what im looking for ive never met anyone who has my experience, not that i expect anyone to relate to me 100%) i know im diagnosed but shut up /lh

Take note of when I wrote all this. January of 2023, just a few months after I was officially diagnosed. But this here describes my experiences perfectly.

when i refer to different alters of mine, it feels wrong and uncomfortable to be treating it as if they are separate parts or separate people, it just feels like "that was me. yeah. i said all that stuff, felt those ways, and did those things. that.. wasnt someone else" so i feel like trying to play into the idea of me being different parts and needing to at least on some level treat me as separate people, feels wrong and uncomfortable, because i.. don't feel that that's Not Me. and i always thought that was the whole point of alters - that they don't feel like you. but it all feels like me.

it's hard for me to comprehend that my experiences really are what most other people with DID/OSDD experience, like i guess my brain was still so convinced like "surely there is still something im missing" like i used to assume that people pass out when a different alter is in control and after i realized that that's not how it works, i've still been like. but surely- like i guess i've still been having a hard time comprehending that that really isn't the case, because i never feel that im not in control. or that im not the one in control. and i also dont experience feeling like "whatever it was i was just doing is not me anymore." i do, but not most of the time. but uh like i was still under the impression of "surely you feel like you're just completely not in control, right? surely you just feel posessed while another alter is in control? surely you still feel something,, right?" it feels like nothing to me, im just .. im here, im moving my arms and legs and im speaking and typing people just.. don't seem to describe their experiences like this, in my perspective, it feels like people are talking about a fantastical experience of genuinely speaking about their alters like genuinely separate people and they themselves were passed out while that alter was controlling them. i know that that is not how it works, not really/not for most people, but it's been hard to comprehend how else it could work, i guess, it's been hard to comprehend that what most people experience is, genuinely, what i experience, because everybody describes their experiences as "(alter) was cutting our hair last night and then i woke up and completely forgot about it" and nobody describes it as "i cut my hair last night and woke up and was surprised to see my new haircut" again idk if im making sense NFDNAFKJS im still convinced that there's something "more" to it that im missing

I have this issue where I constantly worry about people misunderstanding me and thinking that I'm saying one thing, when in reality I was saying something completely different (I really wish I understand why I have this issue, because I feel like it's more than me being autistic and having been misunderstood constantly at 18+, can't speak for under that age because I genuinely have no idea), so like I would be terrified that I would be describing something and people would misunderstand me and think I was describing dissociation when in reality I was describing something completely different.

I CONSTANTLY - literally every single time I went to try and describe my experiences - went out of my way to describe my experiences in ways like "when that, I think maybe an alter, was maybe fronting, I, as that alter, felt and-" in order to make absolute sure that people didn't get the wrong impression of what I was describing. I wanted to make sure people knew that I was just "me", but "acting a certain way" or "saying a certain thing" or "feeling a certain way" because I didn't want people to get the impression that whichever alter I thought might've been fronting, wasn't just a totally different person and I was just sat in the backseat totally unaware of the world or something.

But everything online, from the Hollywood depictions of DID, to the online communities, to the LANGUAGE that people use to describe their experiences, gives the impression that that IS what it's like. That when different alters front, ""YOU"" just ""go away"" somewhere for a while.

#my posts #actuallyosdd #actuallydid #did system #osdd system

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novorehere · 7 months

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Famished First-Time

Hello friends! This is an especially special post that I am very excited about, because the story you’re about to read was not written by myself. A friend who would like to remain anonymous submitted this amazing story to me and wanted me to post it to my blog for you all to enjoy. While they don’t have their own vore blog, I hope you can all enjoy and give them some praise and feedback! Words cannot describe how much I ADORE it, and I think you all will too no matter if you’re familiar with Obey Me or not <3

Enjoy!

_____________

“Thank you!” Yuki, the lovely young cashier, smiled sweetly as Rayfa plunked down the appropriate amount of Grimm—plus a generous tip—onto the counter. “Come again!”

“You know I will!” Rayfa laughed, and the demon chick behind the counter laughed too. They had become fast friends—what with Rayfa being a proud regular and all—and Yuki knew she’d be back again within the week.

It always started with an unrelated shopping trip. An excursion to buy some nail polish and ribbons for her next sleepover with Asmo. Or perhaps an errand to pick up the newest video game Levi had pre-ordered, for he was too anxious to go out himself. Regardless of where her ventures began, they always ended back at the bakery—where she could purchase a little something for Beel. It hardly cost her anything (mostly because Yuki gave her legendary discounts) and Beel always got so adorably excited when she came home with dessert, so of course Rayfa had made it into a habit. It was such an easy way to put a smile on his face! How could she not?

“I’m already looking forward to it!” Yuki beamed. “See you next week, hun!”

“See you then!”

Rayfa carefully lifted the hefty white cake box into her hands, then began her leisurely walk back to the House of Lamentation, the soft chimes of the bakery’s doorbell twinkling faintly behind her. It was a lovely night outside, pleasantly warm but with the welcome caveat of a gentle breeze. It was the kind of evening that Rayfa liked to spend admiring the beauty of the Devildom, but something about this particular night was making her uneasy. She felt like she was being watched—nay, hunted. Instinctively, she quickened her pace, trying not to think about it. It was surely just her imagination.

Rayfa was maybe two blocks away from salvation—the HoL—when disaster finally struck. Out of nowhere, Rayfa felt burly/muscular arms wrap uncomfortably tightly around her waist. She readied herself to scream, but a freakishly large hand—with claws—clamped down over her mouth. She fought and kicked as violently as she could, but humans were no match for demons, and her attackers callously dragged her into the nearest alleyway.

Once they were far enough back not to be spotted from the sidewalk, Demon #1 forced her up against the wall and spat out an impatient order.

“I’m going to remove my hand now. Scream, and we’ll make things far messier than they need to be. You understand?”

Rayfa, shaking with fear, nodded frantically. Devildom nights were darker than black, and the streets had been relatively barren earlier, anyway. Rayfa doubted that anyone would come running even if she did scream. The clawed hand was removed, and Rayfa gasped for breath. It wasn’t that she couldn’t breathe before; She was just relieved to get that grimy hand away from her face.

“It’s not every day you see a human ’round these parts…” Demon #1 chuckled darkly.

Rayfa spied two more demons over his shoulder. So there were three of these fuckers, then.

Demon #1 stepped forward to grab her chin—to force her to look at him—which Rayfa desperately wanted to resist. Her self-preservation instincts told her to keep quiet though, and frustratedly, she obeyed.

…Until the dirtbag harassing her stepped purposefully on top of the cake box that had fallen from her grasp during the scuffle.

“That was for my friend…!” Rayfa growled angrily, surprising even herself with how upset she had gotten on Beel’s behalf—especially when her own current predicament was so much worse.

“Yeah, well-” Demon #1 scoffed and cruelly kicked the cake box aside. He stepped closer—again—and made a very deliberate show of licking his lips. “Your friend’s not the only one who needs to eat.”

Rayfa went pale. This guy was actually Oberon levels of creepy. (Levi would have been so proud of Rayfa for that SAO reference.)

“Wait! You-! You can’t eat me!” Rayfa squeaked. “I’m, like, the face of the exchange program! You could ruin relations between the three realms forever!”

“Tch. Like we care about that!” Demon #2 mocked boisterously. “We never wanted to make friends with those stuck-up celestials in the first place!”

“And humans, of course, are just snacks!” Demon #1 tacked on gleefully. “Who gives a fuck if Diavolo’s little exchange program falls through?”

Rayfa gritted her teeth. She wanted to argue more, but they had clearly already made up their minds. She was so royally screwed.

Demon #3, who had been relatively silent throughout the whole exchange, suddenly stepped closer. He was easily the largest of the three degenerate demons; Rayfa had to tilt her head almost all the way back just to meet his eyes. Intimidating. Demon #3 stared her down with the ferocity of a lion. Then he began to speak—quietly yet gruffly—the words foreign and unrecognizable. Suddenly, realization dawned on her. He was reciting a hex.

But by the time Rayfa realized, it was already too late. Her body shrank rapidly and she dizzily watched the world around her grow larger and larger and larger—until finally, she was left untouched at 2-3 inches tall. Things were not looking good for her. But! At such a small size, they couldn’t possibly clamp a hand down over her mouth again! Right?

Desperately, Rayfa began to recite the one phrase she prayed could get her out of this mess:

“Hear me, denizens of the darkness, you who are born of shadow and you who give birth to it! Hear me and do as I command!”

“Stop her!” Demon #1 roared furiously, and Demon #3 (the nearest) made a desperate grab for her. Rayfa just barely managed to scramble out of the way before he could get his grubby hands on her, silently cursing the fact that the summoning incantation was so ungodly long. Nevertheless, she was determined to see it through.

“I, Rayfa, call upon you to send forth one of your number! I summon the Avatar of- HnghGruh!”

Though he had failed to grab her, Demon #3 was still determined to shut her up. He backhanded her—hard—which was enough to garble her words and send her flying backwards across the pavement. Rayfa winced at the scrapes she received. They were gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow, assuming she lived to see it.

Interrupted as she may have been, though, the spell—blessedly—had still gone through. There was a blinding flash of golden light, and then there, standing before her, was none other than…

Mammon, the Avatar of Greed.

Huh.

Rayfa had (admittedly) been hoping for Lucifer, but whatever panicked sound she’d made upon being swatted away had apparently sounded more like the word greed than the word pride. Honestly though, Rayfa was just relieved to see a familiar face.

…As endearingly incompetent as that familiar face could sometimes be.

Mammon stumbled around dazedly for a moment, and Rayfa felt guilty knowing that her poor casting of the spell was likely to blame. Quickly, she shook her head to clear her mind. Guilt could come later; Right now was her chance to escape!

Even though Mammon had not immediately chased off the three depraved demons, his unexpected appearance alone was more than enough of a distraction for Rayfa to work with. At the very least, she no longer felt quite as cornered as before. Demon #1, Demon #2, and Demon #3 were focused entirely on Mammon now, and that gave her the perfect opportunity to disappear. A full-sized demon was a much greater threat than a tiny human girl, after all! Rayfa instantly began scheming. Maybe she could subtly sneak away now, text Lucifer or Satan to come pick her up, and apologize to Mammon for using him as an escape later. He would fake like he was annoyed by it, she was sure, but there was no way these demons would actually be able to hurt him—not like they would hurt her—and Mammon would recognize that too. He’d just be relieved that he’d protected her, even if unknowingly at first.

Rayfa was just about to make her move, ready to dart out of the shady alleyway, but right before she took the first step, dark blue eyes swirled with gold locked onto her.

“Rayfa?!” Mammon spluttered out with confusion, as the last of the vertigo from her botched summoning spell finally wore off.

It took a good few seconds for Mammon to realize exactly what was happening, but eventually things did click for him, and the Avatar of Greed whirled on the lesser demons indignantly. Unfortunately for him, Demon #1 and his lackeys had finally recovered from the shock of their surprise visitor and were eager to make him pay.

“Oh shit!” Mammon swore, lightning-fast reflexes kicking into gear as he ducked to avoid a punch.

Demon #2 quickly lunged after him, but Mammon—surprisingly tactfully—sidestepped that, too. Levi really hadn’t been kidding when he’d said that Mammon was “Fast as fuck, boi!” Seriously! He moved so quickly that Rayfa could scarcely make out a blur! Mammon deftly avoided several more attacks, then glanced around with wild eyes, searching for an out. When he found one—as he always did—his body moved before his brain could catch up. Rayfa supposed she shouldn’t hold his recklessness against him though. It was what she was currently banking on to save her life.

When Mammon finally threw a punch of his own, the attack was surprisingly calculated. His fist connected squarely with the jaw of the head honcho—Demon #1—and Mammon capitalized on that fact. All he had needed was an opening, which he’d succeeded in creating for himself when Demon #1 had stumbled backwards from the force of the blow. He quickly darted past the now capsized enemy, taking advantage of the clever little “escape route” that was open. And then…

Mammon just fucking ran for it, gravel flying as he skidded past the remaining two lackeys and began sprinting directly towards poor terrified Rayfa. He didn’t slow down as he neared her. In fact, Rayfa swore he sped up! She squeezed her eyes shut as Mammon barreled forward at breakneck speeds, leaning down at just the right moment to scoop her up as he careened away from the alley. Rayfa let out a squeak of alarm as she felt Mammon’s fingers curl around her, but she relaxed somewhat when she realized that he had actually taken great care to hold her securely (but not so tightly that she’d be uncomfortably squeezed).

And then, just like that, they were gone.

Rayfa hadn’t expected anything less from him. If there was one thing Mammon was great at, it was running away. (Usually from debt collectors or angry brothers, but the logic applied here too.)

“Oh shit! Oh fuck!” Mammon panicked, footsteps pounding heavily on the sidewalk. “I really don’t wanna die!”

Despite herself, Rayfa felt a smile playing on her lips. Even when Mammon actually managed to pull off something pretty damn cool, he was still an endearingly panicky mess. But Rayfa wouldn’t have him any other way.

A few tense minutes of running later, Mammon veered off into another alleyway further down the street, panting heavily. Quick as he was, he obviously didn’t have the stamina to go on running forever. He needed a breather, but Rayfa didn’t think they could afford to take one.

The demon muttered something frustratedly under his breath. Rayfa couldn’t quite catch the words, but she could only imagine he was cursing out their pursuers. Which was totally understandable—they very much deserved it—but what Rayfa couldn’t understand was why he had stopped to do so. Tired or not, they had to get home!

“Mammon?” Rayfa questioned nervously, gently prying his fingers apart to sneak a worried peek up at the demon. He held her level with his heart, hands cupped carefully around her, blue-gold eyes gazing down upon her worriedly. Had they not been dangerously preoccupied, Rayfa would’ve melted at how concerned he looked over her.

“I’m not gonna let ‘em have ya,” Mammon growled protectively. “You’re my human, ya hear?”

Mammon had always been relatively exceedingly protective of her, but Rayfa had never really minded. She thought the whole “keep you all to myself” thing was sweet, even, albeit in a very Mammon sort of way. But something about the way he was staring at her now…

For the first time since they’d met, Rayfa felt inherently nervous under the Avatar of Greed’s gaze.

“Uhhh, are you-” Rayfa started to say, but the demon’s hands suddenly lurched beneath her, causing her to yelp with surprise rather than finish her thought. “Aaa!”

Mammon determinedly brought her to eye-level, an uncharacteristically serious expression etched across handsome features.

“What are you doing?!” Rayfa nervously demanded, the demon’s sudden solemnity eating away at her. Mammon was never sober like this. To make matters worse, Rayfa could hear the angry shouts of the demons they’d run away from. Those fuckers were finally starting to catch up.

It seemed that Mammon had heard them too, their voices being what finally spurred him on to do the unthinkable.

“S-Sorry ‘bout this!”

Mammon rarely ever apologized, which only solidified Rayfa’s right to fear whatever was coming. She had a really really really bad feeling about this.

Mammon, looking just as nervous as Rayfa felt, awkwardly guided the brave little human towards his lips. He gulped nervously, then opened wide with an automatic “ahhh”, and realization came crashing down onto the girl like a tidal wave. Rayfa screamed and tried to scramble backwards, but Mammon quickly threw his head back and fervently crammed her in.

It was almost absurd how quickly the demon’s mouth flooded with drool. Rayfa whined with disgust as warm gooey saliva oozed over her, bubbling up and seeping through her clothes. Mammon cautiously brought his teeth back together, sealing her away inside, then began eagerly slurping down her staple human flavors. Rayfa felt herself blush, angry and embarrassed that Mammon was spending such an exorbitant amount of time tasting her.

“Mammon!” Rayfa seethed, practically shaking with rage. “What the fuck!”

She was exhausted and disgruntled and grossed out, but begrudgingly, she decided to put up with whatever episode Mammon was having right now because she trusted him. For all she knew, demon spit could reverse hexes cast on humans or something! Right, yeah. Mammon probably had a plan. She just needed to play along and-

*Glk!*

Mammon gulped thickly, and Rayfa suddenly felt the clench of tight/squishy muscle around her as she was sucked down into the boy’s throat. She squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath, being worked deeper and deeper with every purposeful swallow. Mammon had been quick to stuff her into his mouth, but now that she was safely out of sight, Rayfa noticed, he was taking his sweet time getting her down. Slow, languid gulps. Pleasured hums vibrating around her. Fingers gingerly pressed against the throat, presumably to feel her fight back as he swallowed. Rayfa grimaced as she slowly squelched down his greedy gullet, squirming violently as the unyielding flesh easily suctioned her down.

“Stop enjoying this…!” Rayfa growled disgustedly. “Bastard…!”

Within the minute, Mammon finished swallowing her down, letting out a relieved and breathy sigh. Rayfa, meanwhile, gasped out as the tight, hot, unyielding throat finally gave way to a much roomier space. Fleshy and vulnerable, the squishy pink walls shifted easily around her as Rayfa scrambled to reorient herself. A noisy gurgle stretched on, echoing around the darkness. She had finally reached his stomach.

“…hububhhuhuhh…” Mammon babbled through what sounded like a very drooly mouthful.

“Mammon! Are you kidding me right now?!” Rayfa screamed, raging annoyance briefly overtaking her fear.

“…tha’ feelsh…” Mammon moaned out. “…so fuckin’ guhd…”

Rayfa shuddered at how the stomach lurched as Mammon stumbled almost-drunkenly backwards, then slumped against the grimy brick walls, slowly sliding down and lowering himself to the ground.

“Urghhh!” Rayfa groaned, utterly exasperated. “You! Are! The! Absolute! Worst!”

Every word was punctuated with an annoyed punch to the stomach walls. She only really succeeded in getting her fist all sticky/slimy with stomach ooze though; Manmon appeared entirely unaffected.

Rayfa surely would have chewed him out even more had she not been interrupted by a sickeningly familiar voice. Even though she was tucked away out of sight, she still shivered just hearing it. They had finally caught up.

“What did you do with the girl?!” Demon #1 demanded furiously.

“I, uh…” Mammon slurred. He had barely even begun to answer when his digestive system suddenly did the work for him, a deep and contented burp rolling up his throat. “Mrph. ‘Scuse me.”

It didn’t take much for Demon #1 and his lackeys to put two and two together after that.

“Bastard! She was supposed to be my lunch!” Demon #1 roared. “Get him!”

Rayfa hated that her heart leapt at the thought of Mammon getting caught up in trouble. Especially on her behalf. She was supposed to be angry at him—he had fucking eaten her—but much to her annoyance and embarrassment, she couldn’t shake the worry from her heart. She’d grown to care too much.

“Mammon, please! Get it together!” Rayfa urged, cursing herself for encouraging the man who had gulped her down like nothing more than an afternoon snack. But she couldn’t just sit idly by!

Mammon stayed seated, but Rayfa felt the stomach shift as he at least sat up straight. She felt a sudden surge of power flow through and around her, too. And when Mammon next spoke, his voice was unrecognizable.

“BaCK oFF,” Mammon snarled like a rabid dog, sounding like an actual demon for the first time since Rayfa had met him. “Or I’LL eaT yOU foR desSERT!”

Rayfa was pretty sure that Mammon only had a hankering for humans—not for other demons—but the threat worked all the same. Mammon almost never lost control, which made the few times he actually did downright terrifying. Rayfa could only imagine the looks of horror on her attackers’ faces as they trembled at the sight of the second son’s true form.

“Shit! I didn’t realize he was one of the seven Avatars-!”

“Okay, okay! You can keep the human! Just-!” An honest-to-god whimper. “Please don’t hurt us!”

“Quick! Let’s get out of here!”

Noises from the “outside world” (with the exception of voices) had proven too muffled to hear from within the confines of the demon boy’s gut, but Rayfa imagined that if she had been out there with him, she would’ve heard a stampede of receding footsteps. Her suspicions were further supported when she felt the energy needed to maintain his true form slowly fade away. Mammon let out a thoroughly contented puff of breath and relaxed back against the wall again, too. Demon form now totally dispelled. And then, in a move Rayfa never would’ve expected, Mammon began rubbing his belly appreciatively—she could feel the gentle weight on the other side of the “wall”. For a hopeful but fleeting moment, Rayfa almost believed he cared. But no! He had eaten her!

Rayfa tried desperately to work out why Mammon had done this. Had he decided that, if she was going to end up “demon food” anyway, it may as well be his belly she was filling? A memory from long ago suddenly sprung to the forefront of her mind:

“The next time your life’s in danger, I’m gonna be the one to save you, all right? Don’t you forget that.”

“…And if I can’t manage to save ya, then make sure you die, got it?!”

Rayfa felt tears prickling at her eyes. So that was it then. Mammon had decided that if he couldn’t protect her, the least he could do was take her out himself.

Rayfa shuddered as the stomach gurgled loudly. It’d been relentlessly noisy—groaning and churning around her—for the entire duration of her “stay”. She felt drowned out, unsure whether or not Mammon could even hear her, but Rayfa had never been the type to give up.

“Mammon! They- They’re gone now, right? So then let me out!”

“…fiyve mr…minuhhs…” Mammon mumbled out, words slurred and utterly unintelligible.

Rayfa groaned.

Why are you like this?

Praying that Mammon could hear her—she still wasn’t totally sure her words would reach him from down there—Rayfa did the only thing she could think left to do. She called upon the power of the pact.

“MAMMON!!!” Rayfa roared at the top of her lungs, fingers crossed that he could actually hear her so that the pact would work. “SPIT! ME! OUT!”

Rayfa guessed her words must’ve gotten through to him, because just like that, the demon’s body began to obey. The stomach lurched, and Mammon began making throaty/guttural choking noises like he was dry-heaving. Rayfa felt herself being tugged back towards the esophagus—This was her way out!—but the gagging sounds poor Mammon was making were rapidly becoming unbearable. Rayfa was genuinely beginning to worry that she’d accidentally commanded him to choke himself.

“Hrrk, rggh, hrghk-!”

“Okay, okay! Stop! Don’t hurt yourself!”

Rayfa cursed her own lack of resolve. She was going to die here now. As nothing more than “demon food”—like Mammon always teased. All because she couldn’t bring herself to hurt the lovable dumbass who’d eaten her.

Her surroundings shook turbulently for another few seconds as coughs wracked Mammon’s body. He wasn’t choking anymore, thank god, but he was very clearly gasping for breath. Rayfa felt terribly guilty for putting him through that. When Mammon had finally cleared his throat, he muttered out an unabashedly annoyed:

“Ya know, it’d be a lot easier on the botha us if ya lemme cough you up myself.”

“You-!” Rayfa brightened at finally being addressed, tears of relief blurring her vision. “You were really going to let me out?”

“Well, duh.” Mammon shrugged, and Rayfa slid as the walls shifted around her. “If I wanted ya dead, I woulda let those lesser demons have ya.”

“But-! But you-!”

“Didn’t ya hear the protection spell?” Mammon grumbled, clearing his throat again. Apparently, some lingering discomfort remained. Rayfa winced sympathetically. She really hadn’t meant to hurt him. “I cast one on ya right before I swallowed ya down.”

Ah. So that’s what he had been doing when she saw him “cursing out” the demons chasing them. Apparently, that flustered muttering had been a protection spell.

“Okay, fine! But why didn’t you answer me?!” Rayfa demanded shakily. “I was seriously freaking out, Mammon!”

“I, uh…” And the regret was practically tangible. He sounded immeasurably guilty. “’M sorry.” He finally settled on. “I didn’t mean to get buzzed like that.”

Yeah, Rayfa had figured that much out. She didn’t say so, though. Instead, she stayed patiently quiet, giving him room to elaborate.

“Humans really are a delicacy for us, ya know? And havin’ one alive and kickin’ in my belly…” Mammon mumbled embarrassedly. “…kinda fried my brain.”

Yeah, that checked out. Rayfa hummed in acknowledgement.

“Didn’t mean to give ya a heart attack though…” Mammon continued after a beat. “I really am sorry ‘bout that, Rayfa.”

He sounded so beyond apologetic that Rayfa couldn’t help but want to reach out to him. In moments like these—rare as they were—Rayfa would usually give him a hug. But obviously, that couldn’t quite be done…

Almost reflexively, Rayfa reached out with both hands, palms splayed against the squishy stomach walls. She gave a reassuring little shove—like a playful nudge to the shoulder—then slowly began rubbing soothing little circles into the flesh. Mammon shivered with delight at her touch; Rayfa could feel the stomach tremble with pleasure. Despite herself, she let out a little laugh.

“That good, huh?” Rayfa teased. The playful banter almost made her feel like they were chilling out on the couch together. Almost made her forget where she really was.

“Sh-Shaddup!”

Rayfa just knew he was blushing like crazy.

“I guess I should probably thank you for saving me,” Rayfa sighed wistfully. “Albeit through very unconventional means.”

Mammon huffed proudly. “You’re welcome! You should know by now never to doubt the Great Mammon!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Rayfa waved away the egotistical comment. “Can the ‘Great Mammon’ cough me up already? It’s super gross down here.”

“Uh.” Mammon froze, and Rayfa could feel the stomach tense up nervously around her. “Just lemme getcha back to the dorms first. You’ve got a penchant for trouble and I don’t wantcha runnin’ into any more of it.”

Excuse me?! You think I’m the one with the penchant for trouble?!

It took Rayfa a moment to realize that Mammon didn’t actually think her a trouble-magnet. He just wanted an excuse to hold onto her for a little longer. Because he was enjoying it.

Rayfa sighed heavily. She knew she was going to regret this: “Yeah, okay. But you’d better let me out the second we get home.”

“Yeah, ‘course! Sure thing.”

Rayfa laughed and shook her head. Now that Mammon had gotten a taste, Rayfa had the distinct feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time she found herself playing the role of “dinner”.

But curiously enough, Rayfa also found that maybe she didn’t totally mind. ❤️

#submission #op #soft vore #safe vore #shall we vore #once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing this fic with me #I know I already talked with you but you characterized M/ammon SO well #And I'd love to hear more about Rayfa and Yuki and their friendship <3 #It's so rare for people to have demon OCs and I love it so much #Theres so much worldbuilding that can be done with your MC and their friends outside of RAD and it makes me really happy to see #Anyway you are an AMAZING writer and if you ever do decide to post your stories somewhere #You'd better believe I'll be your first follower

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ghostie-luvs · 3 months

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no because you were such a good person, you were a good guy. And it’s not like I’m saying there’s no other good person/guy out there but you were you. You didn’t remind me of anyone else. You were purely your own self. You enraptured me in a way where I feel your morals, I agreed with and wanted to have too. You were a sort of role model to me. And I loved you for it too. For your personality, and all that I had not got to learn about you in our short time together. You weren’t like anyone else I’ve met. You were there for me, always. And you always seemed to know how to make me feel better, about anything or even myself, even when I had tried numerously to not drag you into my small problems and worries. You made my overthinking to occur less often, you comforted me, supported me and your comfort was the only one I feel I have been able to accept. And I did the same, or I at least hope I had such an impact on you because I was and am grateful for all that you’ve done for me and I felt and still feel the need to return it. I felt we really were one person, so when you left, a part of me was missing. You were everything to me. And when you left, you stopped feeling the same as me which is valid and understandable. One, you just lost feelings for me and that’s okay. It happens. Two, you also felt you werent good enough, told me that I deserved more and better than you. And I think you were stupid for that. And yet, I felt the same for you, I felt you deserved better than me. You were a good person, you had ambition, you had your likes and dislikes, but you werent perfect. And nobody is. But you made me feel alive. So I didn’t and still don’t understand how you could’ve said that. That I deserved better. But I understand too all the same. You thought someone else was better for me, that someone could make me more happier. I wish you saw yourself like I saw you. And my only regret is that I couldn’t do that: allow you to see the best of yourself. Because really, you are everything words cannot describe. And you were also someone who brought the best out of me. And yes, I will continue to get better but you were someone I changed with. Someone I grew with. And that has to count for something. You inspired me, uplifted me, supported me, were a source of joy in my life. You made me a better person, made me learn more about myself, and quite frankly, I learned to love myself with you. I’m only upset that I probably did not do the same for you. But you were a person who brought me back to life, who made me see more things. And I love you. Or I at least think I could have, learning every bit of you. Either way, even if I did not come to learn much about you, I knew you were someone that I loved in whatever way it was and I will never forget you.

#letters to you that may never be delivered.

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magnoliabutters · 11 months

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• FEELING EVERYTHING •

pairing: kas!vamp eddie munson x (she/her) reader

summary: so what kas saved your life?! it’s not like you owe him everything…

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language; canon divergence, enemies to lovers trope, season 4 spoilers, previous parts mentioned; sexy angst, slight suicidal ideation, manipulation, child abuse (previous trauma mentioned), toxic ass kas, sexual advances tied with a misunderstanding, hot and cold dynamics, dwugs, depression, grief, anxiety (panic), y/n count: 3, etc.

word count: ~8.9k

reblogs, comments, & thoughts are appreciated 🦇

• stories of eddie munson series • season two • previous part •

note: as always, thank you for the patience! we're almost coming to a close y'all! in this part, i tried to challenge myself to focus more on describing the visuals and the scene. let me know your thoughts! i cannot wait to read your reactions!

note to the note: my partner, who was so kind to beta-read, found an inconsistency around the border of vecna’s “new world.” you may or may not catch it. i just wanna share i am aware, and i am upset haha unfortunately caught it too late 🥲

The dried grass is rough against your shins. A sea of plains ahead that curl into waves with each blow of the wind. The orange streaked sky, a beautiful sight, now a daunting reminder to find shelter before the night. You wish you could have been here any other time. The gorgeous way the sunlight trickles onto the glossy leaves of the trees. The way the sun feels against your skin. The air just cold enough that the warmth of its rays feel nostalgic.

Eddie would have loved this. The opportunity to find civilization, as though it was some challenging quest. He would have compared it to some battle his Dungeons and Dragons character led the party into. His arms stretched out as he passionately tells the tale of how they won the fight with only a sliver of a chance. A heroic and miraculous story that only he could tell correctly.

He always told stories in a way that made you feel as though you were actually there, feeling each and every emotion. All the ups and downs. He had you clinging to the edge of your seat, clinging onto every word no matter the topic. Your heart warms at the thought of that beautiful mouth speaking a million words a second as he excitedly shares a story. God, how you wish you could see him again.

The uncomfortable scratching of the heavy grass continues to remind you that an oversized t-shirt and panties is not the ideal hiking gear. Not that you exactly had a choice. You struggle to step through the field, stumbling along with your arms held out wide for balance.

“You look like a bird,” Kas scoffs as his thick leather boots crunch against the yellow waves of the pasture. His bare chest still littered with pink scratches. He carelessly plows through the tall grass. Your eyes instinctually roll, leaving another muffled chuckle to drop from his lips. Your hands gradually fall to your side as embarrassment seeps into your pores.

“Do you even know where we’re going?” he mutters as he swats away a horse fly. Your annoyance levels have been seriously dampened with the recent events. Kas’ constant ��are we there yet” attitude is not helping in the slightest. “I figure if we keep heading north, we’ll get to the highway and,” you bite your lip, tensing your brow as you point over the vast hill. “Um, we’ll just hitchhike.” You shrug, looking back at him with a weakly confident expression. His face deadpanned as he stares back at you with lack lustered eyes.

“Hitchhike?” Kas asks with a monotone. “Yeah,” you grumble in hesitancy. “Doesn’t everyone in a fifty mile radius of Hawkins think I am some satanic serial killer?” he inquires with the side of his lip pulled as he stares at you in judgment. Your eyes fall as you realize your mistake. “Well, um, let’s just find the highway first and figure out what to do from there,” you utter as you push through another bundle of grass. “Okay,” he says in a sing-songy voice as he walks off in front of you.

This is your life now. You try your best not to compare between the two - knowing that would cause you nothing but pain, but it’s hard. It’s so hard to know what you had and what you have lost, and what you have now. A small part of you wishes you had nothing at all.

With great love, comes great vulnerability and despair. You find yourself wondering if it was worth it. If loving Eddie was worth the pain of losing him. Of having his complete opposite inhabit his body and parade the fact that he is no longer the love of your life. In fact, he punishes you for thinking that, as if you could resist the urge. The agony you feel, both physical and emotional, almost pushes you off the edge. The question of “is it worth it?” echoes through your mind.

Kas looks ahead of the pairing. He notes a break in the clear pasture and sees a tree line. His eyes discern its distance, noting that it is a rather thin tree line. Suddenly, he sees motion rushing by behind the trunks. The only vehicles he is used to were filled with and destroyed by Vecna’s blackened veins, but he still identifies the motion as cars. Excitement fills his chest as he hurriedly turns around with a finger pointing at the tree line.

But when he turns, his smile disappears. He watches as your eyes are glued to the ground. Your face is solemn. The edges of your beautiful lips turned downward as your hair covers your face. The excitement immediately shifts to worry as he takes a step towards you. His hand slowly moves to your gaze, interrupting your thoughts.

As your head innocently raises towards him, Kas shoots you a comforting smile. His hands, both naturally and hesitantly, flow to the sides of your arms. You decide to shoot him a weak grin as you appreciate what he is trying so hard to do. And with that, Kas pulls you in - deeply pressured against his chest as his arms wrap around your upper back.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers against your ear. His chin finding a place upon the top of your shoulder. Such a familiar feeling, Eddie’s embrace, and yet you have another reminder of his lost presence. You want him so badly. You wish he could be here. That his true self was holding you, comforting you. Your hands fall upon the base of his spine, pulling him tightly into you. Abruptly, the sobs fall from your lips as you push yourself deeper against the warmth of his skin.

Kas knows you are hurting - who wouldn’t be after what you have been through? The thing is he wasn’t sure exactly how much pain filled your saddened soul, but once he heard those sobs - he knew. It is gut wrenching to feel your body heave against his. The pain is so much worse than the sensation of your nails digging against his skin. His hands smooth out your back as he attempts to comfort your contorting body.

Finally, you feel it. You feel everything you have pushed deep within yourself since you heard of Eddie’s passing. The pain. The anguish. The betrayal. The threat of death. The fear of death - an actual impending death - no longer one in the far off future. You lost the love of your life.

Eddie is dead.

And your heart has felt empty since your realization of this. Your knees give out and both you and Kas fall to the floor. Kneeling beside each other and still stuck in a beautiful embrace.

As tears stream down your face, Kas pulls away slightly to look at you. His brows push together as his thumb traces against your cheeks. “Sh, sh, sh,” he whispers as one of his hands caresses the back of your head. He pulls you gently and closer to his chest. His chin now resting against your hairline.

Abruptly, you pull away, sniffling as you do. You are confident you look a hot mess but you don’t care, not even a little. You wipe your nose as your eyes darken before him. He stares at you in confusion and worry. His body aching for your touch.

“You said you saved me,” you start slowly, attempting to push down the sobs that climb your throat. “That you would have never killed me.” Kas nods with curiosity as your eyes raise to his. “I-I want to talk about something and I don’t want to hear shit about it,” you spit out harshly. However, your expression immediately returns to the vulnerable girl that Kas has grown to love. It leaves a hint of a smile on his face.

“What would you like to talk about?” he asks softly. With a deep sigh, you mumble, “I want to talk about Eddie.” Kas winces at the name, something you immediately notice. Another physical pain shoots through your chest as you prepare your body for his rejection. He takes a deep breath, placing his palms to his knees as he slowly nods with eyes to the ground beneath you both.

“Go ahead,” he whispers. Your heart fills with joy, enough to completely disregard his body language. Soft sobs follow your laughter. Your hand pushes the tears away from your cheeks as he slowly raises his head. “He was beautiful,” you choke out whimpers with an ambiguous smile to your face. “He is easily the best person I have ever met,” you laugh out weakly.

A small, tight smile forms on Kas’ face as his hand slides behind your head once again. He pulls you into the side of his neck. His other hand collapsing around your crying body. “At first, I had no idea how he could be so confident and silly,” a smile emerges on your face as he wipes another round of tears from your cheeks.

“Do you remember any of his rants in the cafeteria?” you ask excitedly. Your inexperience with vulnerability attempting to make the conversation less one-sided. The smile on his face slowly grows as a low hum of a chuckle riffles in his throat. He slowly nods as his grip tightens at your waist. "I remember one distinctly about how the cafeteria stopped giving out corn on the cob," he answers.

In the midst of a laugh, you pull back to look at his face. “What else do you remember?” you ask, placing a hand to his chest. Tears now well in your eyes, as opposed to flowing down your cheeks. Kas takes a deep breath, following the press of his tongue against the back of his front teeth.

The silence flattens your grin. You lean backwards to pull your thighs and legs from his knees. The tightness and excitement in his chest persists as Kas remembers how his words impact you. How your smile grows any time he shares a memory. How his heart flutters at the sound of your giggle.

He winces, disgusted with the warm, cuddley shit that Eddie’s more accustomed to. And yet, here he is - desperate to put a smile on your incredible face. A part of him wonders if you were manipulating him. Show him a grin and he is a puddle between your thighs. He hates the hold you have over him. How your happiness makes his undead heart beat.

Kas wonders if he will ever have autonomy, or if he will continue to be a slave for others as long as his mystical life will allow. His body craves for yours, pushing his mind to find a way back to caressing your soft skin. He sorts through the hazy fog and recollected memories.

With a huff, he shares, “I remember the day you made Mac n Cheese.” He lightly taps his fingers against his thighs as he adjusts to sit cross legged. His eyes were down, but he could see you beaming off-center of his gaze.

“We were with, um,” he hesitates as he looks up. His hands quickly move around, gesturing as he speaks. “Wayne,” the name pops out eagerly from your sweet lips. An encouraging nod to follow. “Wayne, yeah,” Kas agrees slowly, pretending as though he did not know exactly who his uncle, Wayne Edward Munson, was.

“He liked you,” Kas says, lifting his brow as a smirk appears on his cheek. You laugh to yourself, feeling a warmth in your chest. “You know, Eddie - I mean - he told me that but I still wasn’t sure,” you end with a chuckle. His eyes lift to yours - those button eyes comparable to your childhood teddy bear. They always left happiness ringing through your body.

He shakes his head. “No, darlin’,” he starts. “There’s no world where you wouldn’t be on anyone’s good side.” With a slight chuckle, he adds, “Hell, I kept pushing you away and I couldn’t stay hating you.” You bite your lip, trying to hide the largest smile since you last kissed Eddie. “I am pretty loveable, aren’t I?” you ask sheepishly. With his tongue stuck to his canine, he lets out a deep sigh paired with a smile. “Yeah,” he says slyly and with a shrug. “I guess that’s true.”

Your eyes flow towards the sky, noting the bright stars twinkling above. The joy you feel is addicting. Something incomparable to the last few days. You dare not disturb it. And yet...

“There was something about your family,” Kas starts with a furrowed brow. A memory floods his brain, something he did not account for. “It was complicated. You had so many locks, to be safe - to feel safe.” Your smile dropped, but he had not noticed. His eyes pull straight, narrowing as he attempts to grab hold of this memory.

“They hurt you,” Kas lets out as a sigh, as though the realization was just then. “Why didn’t he do anything about it?” he asks in an accusatory tone. His nostrils flare as his chest rises and his back straightens. He places his sights on you. Your hands push together, sliding between your thighs. Eyes resting upon them as the sadness sinks in your heart.

“Eddie, you just don’t understand,” you say as you harshly push the tear from your cheek. “No, baby, I understand completely. What do you think my dad did to me before Wayne ran him off?” Eddie whisper yells as he points up the stairs. “They can’t keep doing this to you!” The fire fueling in his stomach is the same firing his clenched fists. How dare they hurt you? How dare anyone lay a finger on you?

“Please, Eddie, please just stop,” you mumble in between cries. Your hand pulling at his arm, creating distance between him and the stairs. Eddie could see your eyes were fixated on your bedroom door. “No, y/n,” he says abruptly. His stance fixed and firm. His eyes unrecognizable.

Eddie pulls his arm from your grasp, causing you to take a step back. But quickly, he grabs hold of your forearm. His fingers squeezing against your skin as he tugs you closer to him. His other hand lightly lands next to the assorted bruises you had up and down your arm. Gently, he raises your arm to show the purple splotches thrown against your ribs that were hidden by your shirt. He expected the surprise on your face, as he knew you thought he only saw the marks on your arm.

“Y/n, there is no way in hell that this is okay,” Eddie says through grinding teeth. Heavied breaths fall from his flared nostrils as he looks up at the stairway again. “Eddie,” you say weakly as tears run rampant down your face. “Please, you’re hurting me,” you share as you lightly push at his hardened grip.

Eddie quickly turns around with horror on his face as his eyes are met with the dark pink imprints of his fingers upon your skin. He stumbles back with his hand placed against his chest. “I-I I’m sorry,” he starts as he backs into a support beam. A small cough exists between you two as he clears his throat. His eyes watering as his chin glues stuck against his chest.

“Baby,” you crumble before him. Your hand leading your body as it lands softly against his cheek. His hand collapsing over yours. Your other rests against his sternum. “Eddie, baby, you didn’t mean it...”

Kas snaps his eyes towards you. Abruptly, he pulls himself from the memory, having seen everything he needed to see. His brows push together as his upper lip slightly pulls. “He hit you?” he asks with shock thick in his intonation. A hand reaches out to your knee.

“Excuse me?” you pull away disgusted. You cannot help but stand and look down at him. “I just,” you chuckle in disbelief, giving up further with each breath you take. Your hands gesturing with a shrug. “I wanted to be happy, remember the times when life was actually good, for once.” A scoff falls, and you shake your head. “It’s like you want me to be in pain - to suffer along with you.” Eyes looking off into the night sky, desperate to go back to that happiness. But it does not come.

Kas pulls his hand away, landing it softly against his lap. A white hot flash spreading between his nostrils and eyes. He meant to make you happy, but he remembered something. He pursued it, like he figured you would want him to. But maybe not this memory. Are there bad memories between the lovebirds?

Like a switch, his anger kicks in. An undeniable defense mechanism that he will continue to deny. “And what pain am I in, darlin’?” he scoffs. Your eyes flick up, searching for some sign of dismay in his. You find absolutely none. “God, just never mind,” you throw your head as you continue forward, brushing the thought off to hide yourself from more pain.

“No, no, no, little lady,” Kas laughs as he grabs your forearm, pulling you backwards. “We’re still talking.” The whiplash of his grip twists your body into his. His other hand quickly falls at the base of your back as he pulls you onto him. “Let go of me, asshole,” you demand brutally as you push against him. He laughs as he lets you stumble back. An ache begins to ring in your wrist.

“You want to talk, Kas, fine,” you yell at him, pushing your palms harshly against his bare chest. His stumble back is met with another condescending chuckle. “Eddie never hurt me.” You can feel your entire face tensing up. Every muscle, even those you didn’t even know you had.

“Don’t forget, I was there,” Kas mocks, pointing a finger to his temple. “You weren’t there,” you spit out. “Those are Eddie’s.” He laughs, leaning over and holding his stomach. He takes a deep breath and in a combustion of sarcasm and genuineness, he softly says, “Eddie’s not here anymore.”

Now, it is your turn to scoff. “And you just love reminding me,” you say, shame-filled. He chuckles, his head swaying side to side as he settles into his suave stance. Confident, boisterous, annoying.

“You do understand though, right?” you ask with confidence. He adjusts immediately detecting that he now has a contender in front of him, as opposed to a weak girl. “Eddie never hurt me,” you say softly. “You, on the other hand, you’ve hurt me every second since I met you,” you end with a hiss.

Kas’ lips fall into a line. His eyes raking over your facial features, processing those sinful words. You watch, pleased with his response. You soak in the pain displayed exclusively on his face without regret. “What was that again?” you exaggerate thinking with a finger bouncing off your chin. “What pain are you in, darlin’? This kind,” you end with disgust as you point him up and down.

He continues to stare at you with widening eyes. His face blank now, as though all the blood drained from it. “Let’s just keep going,” you suggest. The moral compass in your head is wavering. You walk forward, noting his lack of movement.

“Do you remember anything else about that night?” Kas calls out blankly. You turn around to face him, expecting sarcasm but seeing absolutely nothing in those dark brown eyes. “I do,” you whisper.

“Will you tell me?” he asks with his head down as he takes a step towards you. A part of you hesitates, wondering if this is just another trick of his. But you wanted to reminisce on memories. Here is your chance. “Sure,” you say in a lackluster tone. He nods, encouraging you to continue.

“It was just another regular day. Eddie came over after DND, like usual,” you shake your head as you attempt to remember. “My dad was a dick that day so Eds had to meet me at the back door.” Your eyes close as you continue, “I snuck him in and we went to my room and we were just talking about our days on my bed eating pizza.” You smile. “When we were laying down, I guess my shirt rolled up and he saw the bruises from earlier that day."

You laugh aloud, quickly pinning your mouth closed and hiding a smile. “He is the most stubborn person I know,” you share, forgetting who you were sharing with. “He wouldn’t let it go. He needed to know where the bruises were from and to see more.”

You stop immediately when you feel hot at your tear ducts. You quickly decide to keep a memory of love between you and Eddie. Another smile emerging as you acknowledge the realization that that was the moment you knew, without a doubt, Eddie Munson loved you. That he was the only person who loved you enough to care about your safety.

“I fucking caved, as usual,” you giggle. “And when I showed him, he got pissed. I’ve never seen him more mad. I saw this fire in his eyes, I saw…” your brain stops working. Your brows crunch together as your eyes fall to the floor, processing the new information.

After some time, you look up to Kas, who has been watching you continually. “I saw you in-in his eyes,” you say in awe. Kas’ flattened lips slowly flicker into a smirk.

You knew Kas? You saw him in Eddie, and you did not run. He existed before Eddie died. You know it to be true. He was there, and he was loved … by you.

Quickly, you shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the thought. You would not dare disrespect Eddie by comparing him in any way to Kas. “Uh, he wanted to beat up my dad for hurting me. I had to talk him down,” you say plainly. “He was feeling all those emotions so he-he just squeezed my arm,” you reenact the movement. “But when I told him to stop, it was like he realized he was hurting me and acted like he had control of it, like he should’ve known better.”

Your eyes fall on Kas’ once again. “He did not hurt me on purpose. He would never hurt me on purpose. And that is what you should remember,” you say clearly.

But Kas will not remember that distinction. He has better things to think about. “Just as long as you remember that you saw me that night,” he says with a chuckle. “God, you’re so damn good at making everything about you,” you throw out with a hand to your hip. “Oh yeah? 'Cause I thought it was all about you later that night?” he asks with bouncing brows. Your eyes darkened. “You remember,” you reply flatly.

“Yes, baby, I remember that night,” Kas smirks as he takes another step, like a lion stalking it's prey. “I remember when he laid you on the bed. How he traced his fingers up your leg,” he says softly as he attempts to do the same. You pull back in disgust, unsure of where this is coming from. He looks at you daringly.

“You liked it when he did it,” he huffs. “Well, what about when he kissed your neck.” He steps forward once more, hooking his arm around your waist and pressing your torso against his chest. Frankly, you were completely done with his manhandling. His lips fall upon your skin like unwanted tickles. Your elbow rests against his chest as you press your weight upon it. But this time, he did not pull away. He continues on.

“Oh, not that?” Kas asks amusingly, clearly not understanding the situation. His hands slowly trickle down your sides and to the front of your waist. “What about when he unbuttoned your pants-” “No, Kas!” you yell, pushing with all your force. He stumbles backwards with arms held out wide. His face both concerned and surprised. "No," you repeat sternly.

“I thought we were…” he trails off, slowly understanding exactly what he was doing. “No, Kas, we weren’t,” you say roughly. “Fuck, man! Why the hell would you even think that?” You push the hair from your face as you await his explanation. Kas’ held out hands slowly raise to a defensive position. “I-l I didn’t mean for any of that, we just, uh, we fight and then we,” he stutters. Wide, watering eyes. Stumbling his words as he continues to step back.

You could see him. Just like that night. Just like when he hurt you accidentally. His remorse. His horror of what he has done. You could see Eddie again.

“Thank you for backing off,” you whisper. You look up to Kas as he sucks his tongue against his gums, pushing tears back into his eyes. He hides his face form you’d “I’m sorry,” he says with a deep voice after a quick clearing of his throat. “Thank you,” you mutter. “Let’s just keep walking, okay?” you suggest, pushing ahead. Kas solemnly follows behind you - at a distance.

It was stupid to stop and talk. The sun is completely gone. That road Kas thought he saw? Yeah, that was a river. A river you both had to strategically hop stones to cross. A river you fell ass first in when you slipped on a mossy stone. His bustling laughter echoing in the emptied space, and yet you trek forward.

An odd gesture but Kas offers you his black boots. The first six times you refused, but once your feet started bleeding you decided why the hell not. They were two sizes too big and clunky things. You don’t even think Eddie would wear these, not outside of his room. But Kas? He does not have a single care in the world.

You figured that after Vecna, normal things like dark forests would not bother you in the slightest. You were wrong. You could hear him in any brush of leaves from the wind. You could feel him when you step on unexpected rocks, attempting to navigate through the tall grass. You could see him in the shadows by the tree trunks. You could smell him in the dry air.

A snap.

“What was that?” you whisper quickly. Your arms are held defensively in front of your chest as though you are ready for something to jump out. Kas looks back at you and immediately rolls his eyes. “I stepped on a branch,” he laughs. You cannot fully trust your eyes, but you swear you saw adoration in his smile as opposed to the usual condescending attitude.

You shake off the jitters, feeling prickles trace down your limbs and up your neck. “It’s cool, I’m, uh,” you say as something catches your eye on the ground. You let out a soft sigh of relief as your eyes return to his. “Yeah, I am a-okay,” you say more convincingly. You could almost convince yourself.

Kas bites his lip, studying you as you walk past him. “Are you afraid of the dark, little girl?” he whispers in your ear as ticklish fingers prance against the skin of your sides. “Kas, stop,” you stay sternly, swatting his hands away. “Seriously, though, what do you have to worry about with me here?” he scoffs amusingly. A smile growing on his face by the second as he catches up and walks beside you.

“Hm, I don’t know. Maybe that flayed piece of jerky back there?” you say pointing behind you as you roll your eyes. “We’re outside of where he can reach, there’s no way he could get us,” he tries to soothe with a smile, but immediately recognizes the thin line growing between your brows.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kas whispers as he gently holds your wrist. He stops you in your tracks. You suck your tongue against your teeth as you avoid eye contact at all costs. “Hey,” he repeats in a deeper tone. His hands now cupped to your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “Vecna cannot get us here,” he says clearly. “No one will hurt you as long as I am around.”

You cannot help but search for Eddie in those eyes. Just to see him one more time, but you know that will never be enough. Kas will never be enough. But his words help and you are able to take a deep breath.

You nod, and he slowly drops his hands from your face. “Thank you,” you murmur. The word is now way too common in both of your vernaculars. Kas walks off with a smile, not turning back to look at you, not even once.

Staring at the glow of the moon, you would guess it had to be at least 4 or 5am. Not that you would even really know what to do with that information gathered from this view. All you know is that you are getting tired, and the night sky is changing from pure darkness to a deep gray.

“Ok, I know last time I was wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s an intersection,” Kas mumbles as he points forward. Your head snaps, following his gaze, with widening eyes. Your palm lands softly at your forehead as you quietly scoff in disbelief. Do your eyes deceive you? A honk of an 18-wheeler confirms your wish. You turn around with hands up in excitement. He chuckles at how big your eyes have gotten. A hand covering his growing smile.

“That’s a car, Kas, that’s a fucking car!” you scream. You rush through the trees, trying your best not to slide atop of the wet leaves. Alas, you ram your torso against the trunk of a tree in excitement as you watch the scene unfold before you. The pain is unnoticeable.

The street lights illuminate like auras against the misty fog. The wafting smell of cigarettes fleeing the convenience store. The blinding shine of headlights wrapping around the corner every few seconds. Honking, dings, spitting, ringing, a musty old muffler - finally, people.

Not once would you have ever expected the joy of finding people again, and yet here you are. You just needed a fresh look at how shitty the alternative is to know that reality is at least 1% shittier. Hope fills your chest as you take a step forward, only for Kas to pull you back.

“What?” you bark at him, pulling your arm away. “Take a good look at yourself, darlin’. You really want to walk up to that gas station like that?” Kas says with a point as he nonchalantly leans back on a tree behind him. You look down at yourself, remembering your lack of pants, Kas’ ratty shirt and his stocky boots. You take a deep breath as you softly say, “I guess you’re right.”

He stands up, almost immediately, which draws your attention. A smirk growing on his face. “What did you say?” he asks with a leading tone. You roll your eyes recognizing his intention. “Must not have been important if you didn’t hear it the first time,” you murmur with a grin.

Kas slowly walks towards you, making your grin beam more and more with each step. “Oh, I heard it,” he says softly as he leans in closer to you. “I just wanted to hear it again,” he whispers and pulls back. You push against his chest with a laugh, leaving him with a chuckle and a raised chin as he peers down at you.

“Okay, Kas, if we can’t go down there, where are we going to go?” you ask sarcastically. Kas smiles, moving his head to its side. “Oh, sweet girl. I know exactly where we’re going,” he murmurs. Your face deadpans as you watch him confidently strut down the hill and next to the street. “Wait, what do you mean?” you call after him. Rushing to follow him, you slip but Kas was able to hook his arm around you before you landed against the dirt and dust. He relinquishes his hand, faster than you expected and it leaves you confused.

“You see that street? Hudson Ave?” he asks, pointing up at the street sign. You watch him with a perplexed expression, unsure of where he was going with the conversation. “Yeah?” you answer confusingly. “I know Hudson Ave,” he shares, looking back down at you. “We’re by Lover’s Lake.”

You take a deep breath of disappointment as you wipe your palms against your face. “I thought we were closer to the school than that,” you sigh. That would mean at least another 5 to 10 miles before being able to collapse into a bed. “Sounds like we need a place to stay for the night,” he says with excitement, as though he already knew the answer. “Yeah?” you ask again with squinting eyes.

“I know a place. It’s safe, closed off, no one’s gonna be there,” Kas adds with a bit lip and slow nodding. Your face is emotionless as you watch his encouraging eyes. “How far is it?” you ask.

“Kas, you didn’t tell me we were breaking into the place!” you ask with a worried, hushed tone. Your back stands behind Kas’, covering him as he hunches over to pick the front door’s lock. Your eyes scanning for any sign of life as the sun begins to rise over the patch of forest.

Arms are crossed against your chest, attempting to gather as much warmth as possible. “Yeah, I don’t tell you a lot of things,” Kas whispers to himself. A tongue stuck between his lips with pressed brows as he focuses on the clicks within the lock. “Almost there,” he leads.

One click and his smirk grows to an unbearable size. He turns to you with the utmost confidence. You pull your eyes away in an attempt to avoid looking at his sweetness. “Okay, we get it. You’re a badass,” you mumble, quickly moving into a whine. “Common, it’s cold out here!”

Kas chuckles to himself, almost a hum that vibrates within his chest. You could feel it too, in your own, that leaves a spark of something familiar. You push it away, deep within your stomach, refusing to acknowledge it.

“Alright, alright,” Kas brushes off. “I’m hurrying.” With a twist and a push, you were in. The room was dusty. The air was stagnant. Your face showed everything, all your thoughts on the place. Completely disgusted by the state of the place. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

“It’s, uh, it’s cozy,” you whisper as you take a sharp breath. Half drunken beer bottles are left piled in the sink. A bra of unknown origin rests strung against the top of the couch. A rug, if you were so kind, rests tattered and torn throughout the room. A spindle of its fabric lays beneath your foot.

The only pristine thing in the place is a glass cabinet filled with different variations of bongs. As much as you would like to deny it, the sparkles catch your eye. A brown glassed stem filled with peace signs - you imagine it to be at least 10 years old. Another looked like the yellow smiley face that has spread across the world in the past few years - you enjoy that one. One shaped like a dark blue toilet bowl - you are not too keen on that. Lastly, a pipe with a bowl painted like R2-D2 - that might have been your favorite.

Before you knew it, you were standing right before the glass. Admiring the collection. Kas walks behind you. A cool whisper against your neck, “Can you guess where we are?” You shudder at his breath, but a piece of you welcomed his proximity.

“A dealer,” you say matter-of-factly, as you turn to face him. “Rick’s, right?” You knew he wanted to throw you off guard. He pulls back and slowly nods as respect fills the room. Of course, a respect that did not last very long.

“Then you must’ve known that this is where he stayed,” Kas mumbles carelessly. He carefully and judgingly picks up an opened bag of Fritos with his thumb and index finger off of the coffee table. Nuggets of weed organized perfectly upon the surface. Crushed green resting within a silver grinder.

Eddie most definitely was here. You try your best not to let it show on your face, but you wondered if this is where he radioed you. Did he sleep on that disgusting ratty couch? Was that the last place he ever slept? You make your way into the kitchen, careful not to show your haste. Opened tin cans of corn stacked in a pyramid stare back at you. His last meal? A pot is barely balanced on the stove’s burner.

Despite the rush of emotion in your chest, you smile at the thought of him cooking. Eddie was always a mess in the kitchen. You are honestly surprised that he did not leave the gas on. Memories of burnt pancakes and hardened spaghetti fill your taste buds.

He may not have been the best chef, but he made up for it. There is nothing like watching him and that messy bun. Flour on his face as that familiar tongue sticks out while he’s focusing. An apron somehow already covered with syrup, even though there was yet to be any pancakes. His shirt cut off at the sleeves with strings of fabric comfortably against his biceps.

Watching him in that moment, you saw your future. A future filled with laughter and messes. Dancing in the kitchen. Finally, feeling safe - safe in his arms. Maybe he would even make you feel safe enough to give him a little one when you were both older. The world deserved another Munson, another Eddie.

But just like the rest of your dreams, this one will never come true. Another future ripped from your grasp. A happiness you had only a taste of and will never see again. And somehow, you are supposed to be okay with that - to keep moving on. Especially now that there’s some super villain dickwad that wants you dead.

There’s no time to stop and grieve, like you thought. Part of you wishes you could, but another is thankful. Truthfully, you are afraid of what your life would look like if you truly let yourself feel everything. Feel your loss. It would not be much of a life, not after you get your revenge.

Take one step at a time, you remind yourself. Vecna’s death is and should always be the highest priority. How do you kill him? How do you ensure that you are the final blow? What are his weaknesses?

“Darlin’,” Kas whispers. He has been watching you silently as you stand in the kitchen. His intention was to catch you off guard with the information of Eddie’s stay. And he did just that but yet, no enjoyment in the act. What typically brings him happiness, his fucking with you, is not hitting the spot anymore.

He now worries about you. He worries about you constantly. He hasn’t stopped since that night in the diner. If he is honest with himself, these feelings would track all the way back to the night he first saw you.

Kas lays a careful hand against your shoulder. Your head quickly turns to look at him. A shock coursing through your body. “Let’s get washed up,” he suggests softly. You nod, but a slow smile grows upon your face. His expression turns inquisitive as a chuckle leaves his throat. “Dibs on the shower,” you scream as you rush up the stairs. He watches you run and instinctually follows just as quickly behind you.

You both playfully bump into each other as you struggle up the narrow staircase. As you manage to get a two step advantage, Kas grabs onto your ankle. You lightly fall against the wood as he scoots past you. “Fucker!” you giggle as you run to catch up to him. Bouncing off the walls, you push against his shoulder. You gain the advantage as you burst through a door.

Immediately, you are horrified by the sight. A tossed around bedroom with bright orange carpet. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the mirrored ceiling, which then led you to the cheetah print sheets. Your lips part as your jaw hangs open.

“Oh my god,” you whisper as Kas finally catches up. A laughter erupts beside you, but you cannot pull your gaze away. “Oh yeah,” he jokes in your ear. “Reefer Rick’s got bangin’ taste.” You push him away from you with a sneer.

Beyond the disturbing clash in colors, you see a sliding door that leads to a balcony. The wood is of a greenish tint. Ivy covers its banisters. An old copper-rusted chair rests in the middle of the panels. A heavily used bong, tinted brown with tar, rests at its very edge.

But despite all that, the view is incredible. There is no denying it. A gray and purple fog resides just above the black water. You could actually see the sun’s rays refracting within its dense mist. Sights like these have always made you feel better. There is nothing like Mother Nature to make that debby downer within you disappear.

“Shower’s over here,” Kas says as he leans against the threshold bathroom’s threshold with crossed arms. You smile, turning around, and walking into the room. “Didn’t think you would actually respect a dibs,” you share. Thankfully, Reefer Rick seems to have better standards for cleanliness in the shower. You are pleased with its state. “Oh, I can’t mess with the dibs gods,” he scoffs incredulously.

After noting which knob is for hot water, you realize that Kas is still standing beside you. You turn around to him beginning to unbuckle his belt. “What are you doing?” you ask with a nervous giggle. He pops his head up from his hands. His mouth in a thin line.

“Um, getting ready for our shower,” he answers. “Our shower, huh?” you giggle. “Oh, what? I thought you liked taking showers with your men?” he says as he leans in to you. His hands drop his buckle as his belt rests open at his waist. You struggle not to draw your eyes to it.

You quickly recover and smile. “You remember a lot more than you’re letting on, Kas,” you say under your breath. “First of all, there are no men. Only Eddie, and you’re not him, right?” you ask with a leading tone. “So, I’m going to take this shower alone.” You point towards the shower curtain behind you with a smirk.

Kas smiles with a shrug. “I guess I’ll wait my turn,” he says lightly. “Great call,” you whisper. Almost retaliatory, he unbuttons his black jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly. Teeth digging into his bottom lip.

You try your best to keep your eyes on his, but you are clearly struggling and he knows it. He loves it. The smirk growing on his face by the second. A hint of blush to his cheeks. “I’ll just be out here, sweet girl,” he soothes. His own thumb pointing back into the bedroom as he slowly walks backwards.

An undeniable, unstoppable grin beams across your face as you close the door. Fuck. The thin wooden barrier gives you enough space to consider the wild things rushing through your mind. How you wish you could just pull those jeans down, get on your knees, and make him forget that Vecna never existed. How you wish you could have dragged him into the shower with you. How he could make you forget that your pain even existed with those hands of his.

You need to cool down. Quickly. Dragging your palms down your face, you walk towards the shower. You turn the knob for cold water, leaving a slight bit of heat to settle in. You slowly raise your arms, attempting to take your shirt off, but the pain hit you like a truck. You wince at the feeling. Immediately, you hear Kas knocking. “You alright?” he asks. You laugh, “Yeah, Kas, I’m good.”

It feels so damn good to take off that ratty shirt. To take off those panties. To take off his oversized combat boots. With a deep breath, you step into the shower. The rush of the freeze was shocking, yet comforting at the same time. The feel of the water splashing against your scalp and running down your temples, cheeks, and chin.

You reach for the soap and are immediately presented with a conundrum. You debate whether or not you should rub it against your skin. You wouldn’t imagine your body being any less dirty than Rick’s bar of soap, and yet, you hesitate. With a shake of your head, you rub the soap against your hands and then lather the suds upon your body.

Feeling the sensation against your skin, you cannot help letting in the trickling thoughts of Kas. The sensation of his hands on your body. His finger tips pressing against your aching muscles. Fixing all your pains. His palms exploring your waist, making their way up your torso and to your breasts. You think of Kas. You wanted Kas.

As you step back, your calf bumps into a bottle that clunks onto the bottom of the shower floor. The abrupt loud noise echoes through the air. A burst of adrenaline fills your chest as you startlingly fling yourself against the tiled wall. The scuffle of your movement is heard from outside the bathroom.

Deep breaths heave against your diaphragm as you slowly slide down to the base of the shower. Rushing cold water hits harshly against your skin. It causes your hair to glue thickly against your face. You can’t breathe. You can’t. You just can’t.

Kas knocks once again. “Darlin’,” he calls out but you don’t answer. You can’t. You were stuck. Stuck against the ground. You could not move. If you moved, you had no idea what would happen. You were safe, barely safe in that shower. Don’t leave that spot. You can’t. You won’t.

He slowly peeks open the door. “Y/n,” he calls out but you are silent. You hear him walk closer. You can see his shadow against the blue mildewed curtain out from your peripherals. He opens the shower curtain to see your arms wrapped around your knees. You were in a tight ball, as tight as you could manage, shuddering in the cold.

“Shit, baby,” Kas hushes. He quickly turns the knobs, adding more warmth to the water pouring against the crown of your head. Without thinking, he hops inside the shower and crouches behind you. His arms tightening around your shoulders. “You are safe,” he whispers. “You are safe.” The words falling naturally, almost scripted.

With the added pressure, you can feel your heart rate slowing. You naturally place your hand against his forearm as he tightens his squeeze. You have not felt this in some time. Your eyes close as slow breaths enter and exit your lungs. The silence is comforting. A reminder that nothing is actually happening. Reality is currently safe. You are safe in Kas’ arms. Your body can calm, can take in the cues of relaxation in this warm shower.

“I am safe,” you whisper as you lightly land your forehead against his forearm. “You are safe, darlin’,” he murmurs. His head laying against your shoulder. And there you both rest. You naked in his arms. Him drenched in his jeans behind you. A tightening embrace underneath a constant stream of warming water.

Dustin has never been the same since that night. He knows his friends are worried about him. That they freak every time he disappears for an hour or two. But they wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t understand why he needed to visit him. How he would talk to him, even though he wasn’t there.

He couldn’t even manage to radio Susie back anymore. It didn’t feel right to be happy with Eddie gone. He avoided it, avoided happiness like the plague. He avoided his friends, his family, his mother. He grieves in solitude, unsure of when he will ever be done.

Every day since, Dustin made the trek to Lover’s Lake. To that spot in the woods where Steve, Nance, Robin, and Eddie went to Watergate. It is the closest he can get to Eddie. To remembering him. To wishing he was still there.

After a few trips back and forth, Dustin could make his way there without the compass - not that the compass was that helpful anyway. He would bring his backpack filled with old DND books, some of which were filled with “Munson’s Property” in thick sharpie. Sometimes he would run his fingers over them, hoping that Eddie was there too.

He would talk about the campaigns he wished he could play with Eddie. The one’s he knew the party would have a great time with. He would reminisce about when Eddie said he was “grooming him - grooming him to become Hellfire’s president. To be the Dungeon master. To be him.

That is all he could ever want. Well, that and Eddie being alive.

Another day and Dustin still sits upon his stump beside the lake’s shore. Seventeen rocks still scattered across the dirtied sand. He counts them here and there, ensuring they remain the same number. That everything remains untouched, like that day. But the fog was thicker today.

He could see the purple flecks within the gray mist. He appreciated when it was foggy. It meant he didnt have to think about the gang getting attacked in the middle of the lake. It meant he didn’t have to remember watching his friends and being helpless as they all dove into the dangerous waters. How he watched two of his heroes go in the abyss and never come out.

Sometimes Dustin wonders if he will see the canoe floating out on the water abandoned one day. Or maybe he’ll find it on the shore somewhere. Maybe there’s something on it? A piece of Eddie, something he left behind. He wanted to venture out but felt glued to this stump. Glued to looking out into the water and hoping Eddie might just come out from the fog.

Or maybe something will come out and take him. Take him far away from all this pain. Dustin was at his lowest, and yet he could only imagine going lower. Permanent reds to his eyes as tears continue to fall. It is his new norm. A new world without his big brother, without the person he looked up to the most.

Dustin heard a branch snap behind him. He turns, hoping it’s not Mike or Lucas trying to drag him back to the Wheeler’s, to his mom. He is surprised by the emptiness of the woods. How it reflects how he feels inside. He assumes the noise to be due to an animal. A sigh and he’s turned back around to the lake.

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of something odd. His head turns to the structure to his left - Reefer Rick’s. “What a shithole,” he mumbles to himself. He places his elbows to his knees as his palms carry the weight of his chin. A light turns on, clear and bright within the fog. Enough to pull his attention back to the building.

Dustin stands with furrowed brows and a need to investigate. Cops were his first thought. Maybe they were still looking for Eddie, or maybe Rick broke out of the jail? Rick did have a tendency to do that. Although, they would always catch him seeing as he would just go home to smoke more dope.

He walks up closer, trying to get a better look, and catches a glimpse of something on the balcony. Another side step and he tries to look past the tops of the trees. There were no beams of flashlights bouncing around the windows. Maybe it wasn’t a raid. Maybe it was more of Jason’s lackeys? Still looking for Eddie, and yet - they’ll never find him. Or maybe they’re looking for Jason? They won’t find him either.

But who Dustin saw walking out the balcony made his blood instantly run cold. He was frozen, stuck in place, with a jaw dropped and shaking hands. The person is pale with black, wet, stringy hair resting at his shoulders. A familiar stance and posture that Dustin knew all too well.

Large, healed wounds wrapping from his lower back, across his side ribs, and a bit of his front. A familiar spider tattooed across his chest. The figure had a white towel wrapped around his waist. He is looking out - looking out into the lake. Just as Dustin was.

His heart starts pounding. In an unrecognizable world he now finds himself in, he finally sees the one he has missed so dearly. “Eddie,” falls from his lips like a whisper. As though it was a secret that was never meant to be spoken. A secret that only Dustin knows. The hope that he might be back, that maybe he never left.

Before his mind could register, Dustin’s feet were already running around the battered house, faster than he thought possible. His bag and compass left hastily by the shore. He stumbles trying to find his footing against the worn wooden steps as his fist crashes against the front door. All the excitement pumping through his body as he hears steps grow louder behind the door.

It opens. And Dustin feels everything.

note: hi, katrina here. i didn’t feel like it would work in the story (timeline wise), but i wanted to share that i most def wanted eddie to go up there and beat her dad’s ass. let me know what you think, please? ♥️

next part • posting 07/15 at 5pm pst •

taglist: (sorry for the retag, tryin' something) @babeyglo, @dotslabyrinth, @wheaty-melon, @mattymurdocksbitch, @sammararaven, @onlyfengs22, @perle1990, @ms1oftheboys, @ghosttownwherenoonegoes, @tayhar811, @bbyhargrove, @hiscrimsonangel, @ali-r3n, @secretdryrose, @stranger-messenger, @sunnytkm23, @ambthegamer, @bit-of-a-timelord

• nav • no-no plagiarism • series • requests open •

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fandom #eddie munson x reader #eddie fanfic #Eddie munson #stranger things fanfic #strangerthings #kas vampire eddie #kas eddie munson #kas eddie x you #kas eddie x reader #Eddie Munson smut #eddie munson slow burn

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imakemywings · 1 year

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"Because you weakened me! I couldn't endure the look in your eyes whenever I made the decisions--the necessary decisions--to keep us safe!" (S1E9 "The Monster You Made")

It kills me because Ambessa admitting that Mel made her weaker is probably the biggest admission of love she could make. That Ambessa, who prides herself on her strength which she sees not only as a virtue, but a necessity, admitting out loud that Mel chipped away at that strength is revealing a significant vulnerability, which is a big deal for her. But to Mel, I think it just sounded like a slap in the face.

What Ambessa meant: I value your love and respect above my better judgement; you are so important to me you override my own logic, so I had to distance myself from you to avoid compromising my decision-making.

What Mel heard: I am nothing to my mother but a weakness to be excised; I am a vulnerability; I am a problem that had to be gotten rid of, pushed out of sight, out of mind.

They really do love each other--Ambessa revealing this here is revealing that she cares so much for Mel that it makes her vulnerable, and for someone like Ambessa, that would be terrifying. Note that in her words it's not just keeping Mel safe--it's that Mel disapproved of what Ambessa was doing. Ambessa wanted not just that Mel would be alive and well, but that Mel would love her. Watching Mel lose respect for her, watching Mel judge her choices as wrong or mistakes, made it difficult for Ambessa to commit to those decisions because she didn't want Mel to feel those things about her, even though she was doing what she believed was necessary.

For Mel, she has expressed again and again how hurt she was by Ambessa's decision to send her away. It's one of the first real vulnerabilities she shows to Jayce, after he comes to her about Viktor's illness. She reveals that she "fell short" of "Medarda standards" and was sent abroad. Mel repeatedly describes this as "banishment." When she talks to Jayce, when she talks to Ambessa, you can see and hear how upset she is about the rift with her mother. No matter how much Mel has accomplished in Piltover, she always mentions how it's not enough to be considered an accomplished Medarda. She cannot let go of Noxus (exemplified in her massive painting of a Noxian harbor, the first thing we ever see her paint), and when she finally confronts Ambessa about sending her away, you can almost hear tears under the surface of her voice.

"I stopped being part of this family the minute you cast me out. Why? Why did you do it?"

Ambessa's perceived rejection of her hurts. Ten years later, it still hurts. Because she wants Ambessa to love her.

Ambessa and Mel love each other, but they also seem incapable of loving each other in a way that will be heard and understood by the other one. They are fundamentally such different people, with such different approaches to the world, that it's almost like they're talking different languages.

#ambessa medarda #mel medarda #arcane #meta #necessary to say this is not an invitation to bash either of these characters #their relationship fascinates me #I so hope we get to see both of them again in s2 #I don't think they'll ever be close I'm not sure it's POSSIBLE #but they're still interesting to watch #mine

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neurotheascars · 4 months

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The following post is non-human brain weirdness. I am writing from the perspective of a homesick alien and this information is important to know to understand this post completely.

I feel like I don't talk enough about the shame I feel as someone who makes art that a lot of people would want to slap TWs on. I'm not arguing against TWs, I'm just really upset I live in a world where the things that are normal and comfortable to me horrify most people in a way that I'm so numb to. And I'm not talking about "I don't care" numb, I'm talking about "I'm so far away from knowing that this could hurt someone" numb.

Like, imagine a world where you can't show something you made without asking a lot of questions that make you look hella insecure. Because the one time you gave up and finally didn't give a fuck and just show stuff you made, you are instantly apologizing for harming someone with what you brought into this world.

And you do this over and over.

Constantly apologizing in advance and after the fact about something you illustrated that is very real to you.

Imagine you go to another planet and you paint a tree. Little do you know, on this planet, there is a horrible illness where the main symptom is becoming covered in something that looks like leaves.

Suddenly everyone thinks this painting of your home planet is disgusting, triggering, and everyone is saying mean things like "how dare you not censor this weird shit you sicko!" And "that's where you come from?? It makes my skin itch!!" "I know you like that texture but eeeyuughghsjhj"

This isn't wah waah wah I'm worried about people hating my gore art because it's super edgy special to me. I'm saying wah waah waaah why is my favorite texture cursed to be the one that everyone thinks is horrifying?! Why am I comforted by and enjoy creating things I must constantly apologize about?

Yes. It's trypophobia. Lots of little holes are as normal, lovely and unimportant to me as leaves in a nature painting. The texture is pleasing to sculpt and touch. It looks like the calcium growths in my astral home place. It's normal to me. I like seeing it. I like touching it. I like sculpting it.

What's worse is that it's not like anyone can control their aversion to it. I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me what it does to you. I've been told. Over and over. That's where the shame comes from. The only word to describe the texture I find most familiar is a phobia of it. I genuinely feel alone and isolated by this.

If you like clusters of small holes, you are a freak. There is no trypophilia, there are no mood boards, you will not find it in a calming place because you are an outlier you sicko. That's what I've learned.

This is not about online spaces where warnings are easy to apply. This is about public spaces, and being invited as an artist to share something you made and then having to not show anything because you're too obscene for most people, and not in the fun sexy way either. I cannot say how many times I've said "I need to give you some content warnings first-" and been cut off with "oh shut up! I love porn!" "It's trypophobia" "oh ew sorry no"

#autism #did #alterhuman #otherkin #rant

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mrsvercetti · 11 months

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Hiya! Can I have a matchup with the turtles?

I’m 5’4 (and a half!) and I’m 19. I work as a writer and work with firearms and blacksmithing in my free time!

Currently studying religion in university. I graduated from high school at 16 and LOOOVE learning about the earth, who formed us, how the heck we got here, the makeup of plants and space!

I’m super outgoing and love everyone! Although I’m an ambivert- I love socializing but I also love spending 5-6 hours writing in the dark about God and space theories. I’d rather work alone than in a team because I feel like I’m the only one who can specifically articulate what I mean. Also I like listening to music and spending time by myself in my head with no one to bother me. I have many ideas but sound like an idiot when I talk about them so I just make myself look stupid, everyone underestimates me!

I am super creative and love science and technology but it all goes right over my head. I can’t remember the biological makeup of the plants I love to study, I wanted to study neuroscience but my math skills are that if a 6th grader. I have horrid math anxiety. I can tell you how to hack into a telemarketers computer but cannot do it myself. I have so many ideas for cool tools… but I feel kinda useless.

I’m creative and artistic but I can’t draw. I can’t get out any of my ideas out in paper so I’m just stuck,

writing about them.

thank youuu!

I match you with...

Donatello

This man....This sweet little angel

He would NOT STOP thinking about you.

Like to him, EVERYTHING about you cannot be described by words. That's how perfect you are to him.

You and him both love learning and you guys bond over that.

He wanted somebody who would understand his intelligence. How special he is.

When you came to his life, it was like a God’s blessing.

He would always talk about you to his brothers. He can slightly annoy them but his brothers are happy that Donnie is happy y’know?

Personality wise, you guys are opposites.

He’s shy and you’re sociable and outgoing. You guys fit like a puzzle.

He would have you as his lab partner as soon as you guys get together as a couple.

Would teach you whatever you want to know. If he doesn’t know, he’ll spend hours doing research. Because he loves you and wants you to know everything.

He would let you work alone if that’s how you want to work. But the only condition is that you need to stay close to him. What if you get injured? He needs to protect you.

He doesn’t find you stupid or underestimate you in any way. He loves listening to your ideas and would love to cooperate with you to make those ideas a real thing.

This man will help you with biology if you have hard time remembering it. He’d also help you with math. This man will literally help you with anything.

If you are with him, he will never make you feel useless. He’s a gentle ninja who loves to give people what they want.

Creativity is what makes someone infinitely attractive in Donatello’s opinion. So, your ideas are never ignored or criticized in any way.

He’s not much of an artist. But would totally love to practice it with you.

If you wrote something like a short fanfiction, he’ll read it even if it is not finished. He wont judge you and will help you write the rest.

Also LOVES reading your theories. And will encourage you to write more.

Definitely will indulge himself into studying Religion with you.

If you are anywhere, Like in his lab, on the streets, on the living room watching T.V with his brothers, he will constantly flirt with you.

He will also bring you gifts that he made. He spent days to make it perfect so be very thankful, okay?

Will also be a bit of a tease. He’ll tease you about the height different you both have.

If you get upset about it, then expect the worlds greatest apology. Flowers, gifts, cuddles etc.

He’s also the type to sew you a dress or any type of clothing that you like.

Your name on his phone is this “😘🥰💕❤️Babygurl😍😊😚💗”

He’ll call you pet names all the time! “Honey”, “My Beautiful Queen”, “Baby girl”, “My cute kunoichi” (Because he will teach you ninjutsu), “Bunny”

Very clingy and wants to be with you all the time.

He's a sensitive baby so please don't be harsh on him if you get upset or angry.

He also gets insanely jealous if anyone flirts with you. He'll also get sad if the person who flirted with you seemed to be better than him. You need to reassure him that he's the only one for you.

Also, you get along with his brothers so that's a plus point!

#tmnt matchups #tmnt x reader #donatello x reader #donnie tmnt 2012

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lumine-no-hikari · 22 days

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #103

Today passed by in a bit of a blur.

This is mostly due to the fact that I certainly did not get enough sleep last night. Given the reasons for it, I am not sad about it. But my brain is soupy nonetheless.

J and I went to the good place earlier than usual because a great big breakfast was planned. I signed up to bring bacon, which Br cooked yesterday in the oven (I was pulled in many directions yesterday, so I wouldn't have gotten a chance to do it!). Br made AMAZINGLY CRISPY BACON, oh my goodness!!! And everyone thought it was really good!!! There wasn't any left by the end!!!

The awesome leader of the place talked on a really sad story about some guy from a really long time ago getting terrible punishments for being so kind to everyone that he was upsetting the social order. This guy liked to hang with and to help the rejects and the socially outcast, and I guess a non-trivial number of folks thought he was arrogant and creepy and kinda gross for this (whoof, that's kind of relatable), so although lots of ordinary folks followed him around while he was useful and helping, when push came to shove and the folks in power came around to put an end to him because they didn't like the fact that he was helping the people that they were trying to oppress, most, if not all of his followers turned tail and ran off like cowards. It seems like nobody tried to protect him at all. And uh. Well. The whole notion of "people chilling with me while I'm useful and then fucking right off when the going gets rough" is also, sadly, kinda relatable.

And you know? He was found by the folks in power in the first place because some selfish, short-sighted prick sold him out for a few coins. It's the lamest fucking shit. It is the LAMEST FUCKING SHIT.

Supposedly, they all loved this guy, but if they loved him this much, then why did no one try to take the punishment in his place? I'll never understand it. And you know what else I'll never understand? I'll never understand how seemingly the vast majority of people who hear this story and believe it end up using it to justify hating and oppressing certain kinds of people. People like me, for example. It seems like the vast majority of people who believe in this story REALLY SUPER DESPISE people like me (and they also hate people like the leader of this place I go to! can you imagine it??), for a wide variety of reasons.

…It's complicated. In my world, in order to be "normal", you're supposed to believe in this story in such a way that it denies humans of their humanity and inherent goodness in a variety of respects, and I just… I can't bring myself to do that. Not anymore. The place I go to doesn't teach the story in the "normal" way that I'm used to hearing, though, so although I cannot bring myself to speak most of the words (especially not the weirder ones revolving around being "punished" and whatnot… it sounds too close for comfort to living with an abusive parent and begging for their "mercy"…), I still go, because the leader says the things from a loving, self-and-other-celebrating, and courageous lens rather than the typical self-loathing, humanity-denying, fear-driven lens that is most common where I'm from.

I don't really know how to describe my own relationship to this story. For a very long time, this story has been and continues to be used by others to justify saying and doing all kinds of horrid shit to me and to the people I love, as well as to justify oppressing and even torturing and killing certain groups of people on a mass scale. And this is NEVER acceptable, so needless to say, I tend to view the more ah… enthusiastic… believers of this story with a hefty dose of caution and hesitation; I don't wanna write anyone off, but at the same time, for my own safety, I also don't want to end up getting caught off-guard around people who could potentially think and behave abusively. I am terrified of the kinds of people who wanna see me locked away into some institution to be electroshocked until I'm forced to psychically amputate aspects of my being that hurt no one, and the fact that there is still a non-zero number of people who advocate for these kinds of facilities is VERY alarming. I've already had other aspects of my being beaten out of me, and I've been desperately trying to regrow them.

But in this place, I feel safe. This group that I go see once a week is filled with lots of people like me - "non-standard" folks who would be ostracized, hated, and oppressed by more "traditional" folks. And this place does not teach people to hate themselves or view themselves as dirty, wretched, or shameful; rather, this place teaches people to love themselves and each other as-is, and to use that love in order to be brave enough to do kind and helpful things for others and for oneself, even when those kind and helpful things are difficult or unpopular. This place paints the main character of this story as a bizarre but gentle man who rejects arbitrary social norms in favor of doing that which is kind and good. They paint him as some guy who has a VERY good sense of what he's doing and why, while simultaneously learning as he goes.

Though I have my own take on this story that maybe some folks would be uncomfortable with (my own beliefs system is eclectic, and it weaves elements from various systems, including this one, other traditions, quantum physics, as well as beliefs from more recent fiction and my own realizations together into something that makes sense to me in light of my own perceptions, abilities, and experiences; it's constantly changing as I learn new things, and it'll likely not work for someone else, and that's okay), I do find aspects of this character to be relatable and worthy of emulating in a variety of respects. Being reliably kind to myself and to the people society says I shouldn't be kind to is something I am constantly striving towards.

I think it's important for people to believe in whatever makes them reliably brave enough to be good to all other humans (whatever shape that takes, even if it's a belief in nothing), just as long as whatever that is does not justify the suffering of someone else. And I do mean ALL other humans. Even the ones you don't like spending time with. And even the ones who don't share the same beliefs. I sure as heck don't like spending time with people who think that certain kinds of people don't count as people (sadly, it's popular here to treat non-white, disabled, non-straight, or non-cis-male people as though they are subhuman, for example), but nonetheless, I do understand that dehumanizing beliefs come from being traumatized and conditioned into carrying them as a child (I was raised in this shit), so if I see someone like that in trouble, I'm still going to help them, if I'm able. I wasn't able to do better until I learned better, so I don't belong throwing stones at other people's beautiful glass houses; the only thing for it when people get weird is to wish them well and move on.

Anyhoot. I've probably prattled on long enough. I had other things to say, I think, but I've gone and forgotten them because I am sleep deprived and my brain is soup. Oh well. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow.

Please stay safe out there. Please learn to believe kind, gentle, and loving things about yourself, about the world you live in, and about the people in it. I'll be rooting for you, always.

Your friend, Lumine

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blowflyfag · 26 days

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WRESTLING ALL STARS: Heroes and Villains : February 1993

“HITMAN” HART WINS WWF BELT!

“Sizzler in Saskatoon” leaves Flair sprawled!

[Bret proudly displays his WWF Worlds Heavyweight belt.

Nailz is no match for the Hitman in their title bout.

Hart has Nailz in an arm bar in their title clash.]

On October 12, 1992 history was made when the man known as “The Hitman” Bret Hart defeated Ric Flair in Saskatoon, Canada to win the WWF World Heavyweight title. For Hart, it was a big thrill to win the World title, but what made the victory even more rewarding for Hart was that he was able to capture the title in his beloved Canada.

[“When I wake up tomorrow, I hope this hasn’t been a dream!”--Bret Hart after winning belt.]

“Words cannot describe how I feel tonight,” Hart stated after his incredible victory. “I’ve always dreamed that someday I would win the World title and now it’s mine. Ric Flair is great. He has been the best there is for many years, but tonight I guess you can say I was just a little bit better. The thought that I’m really the World champion still hasn’t been a dream.”

Two days before the bout in Canada Bret Hart faced Ric Flair in Los Angeles with the belt on the line.

[Bret shows off his Intercontinental strap.

Piper hits the mat compliments of the Hitman during their Wrestlemania brawl.]

In that bout Hart seemingly pinned Ric Flair and even left the ting with the belt. But the following day when Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan protested that the referee who made the call was not the official referee, the WWF commission reversed the decision and the championship belt was returned to Ric Flair. Flair, however, didn’t have his precious “10 pounds of gold” too long. Just two days later, Hart pulled the upset of the year.

After his incredible victory, Bret Hart, speaking to Mean Gene Okerlund on the WWF Superstars of Wrestling TV program made his first appearance as champion and gave a rousing interview.

[Hart is a true credit to his profession. He is more than worthy of the honor that has been bestowed upon him.]

“I can’t tell you how proud I am,” Hart told the TV audience. “This is the greatest moment in my whole life, and I dedicate it to all the people who believe that our biggest dreams can come true. Since I was a kid I’ve been involved in wrestling. My whole family has been involved in wrestling. My father trained me and took me on the mat. I listened and learned and dedicated myself to mastering technical wrestling. I followed up on all the little details, never thinking I knew it all because you just never know it all. I’ve had my share of wins. I’ve had my share of losses, but you just wait your whole life for that one single chance and fortunately I got that chance. I have to thank every wrestler that I ever wrestled against. I’ve wrestled the greatest wrestler in the world and I learned so much. In particular I have to thank Ric Flair for giving me this chance. I want to thank each and every one of my fans around the world who supported me all these years. I want to thank all my friends that backed me up through thick and thin. I want to thank my family who have been with me since I was a little baby, and most of all I want to thank God above. Thank you for the greatest moment in my life. I’m proud to be the WWF World champion.”

[Hart shows off his World Tag Team title strap.

Hart and Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart are former WWF Tag Team champions.]

With Hart’s victory he joins Pedro Morales as the only man to hold the WWF tag team belt, the Intercontinental title and now the World belt. The new champion, however, should have a tough time trying to hold on to his newly won crown. Ric Flair, Razor Ramon, Papa Shango, Nailz, the Berzerker, Shane Michaels and possibly even Mr. Perfect are gunning for the new champ. With challenges like this, Bret Hart will have his work cut out for him, but if anyone can handle himself against the best in the sport it’s Bret Hart.

It’s great to see someone like Hart wearing the WWF Heavyweight championship strap. He’s a true credit to the profession and more than worthy of the honor that has been bestowed upon him.

#Bret hart #bred #bret hitman hart #wwf #world wrestling federation #magazine scan #magazine transcript

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granulesofsand · 8 months

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You're seriously complaining about a free bagel and coffee and about how you had to make "those staff people" look for your phone? It comes off as extremely entitled tbh. And if you made your roommates feel unsafe (which is entirely reasonable if you're saying that you could "potentially" be violent towards them) then the dean was right to say what she said. You might have a mental illness but your actions still affect the people around you.

🗝️🏷️ vent, trauma, trafficking, familial abuse

Please note that the mentioned post was marked ‘vent’. I am upset, and so I am crying out. I did try to make it avoidable to those who did not want to see. This is similar. The middle is context, the last two bits are my response.

Yes, I am complaining about the free bagel and coffee. They were delicious, and the people were lovely and went out of their way because we couldn’t with our disabilities. It was a hard day.

Our university lets you use your ID in exchange for meals on campus, which is included with the dorm room. There are limits to what counts as an exchange and when, but it’s still a benefit.

I don’t think I was rude to the people at the food place or the building they were in. I said “what?” probably three times for every sentence they said to me and I lost my personal items on their grounds, but neither were something I could control.

I walk with a cane if I walk at all, and I only asked them which rooms it could be in because I had a tracking map. I couldn’t get to therapy on time and search the whole building, so I did approach the front desk. I do feel guilty that I needed help, but I wouldn’t have found it on my own.

I don’t know what else to call them, they were working in the part of the building that did not have food, but there were many roles that they fulfill. I don’t know enough words to describe what they were to me, but two spent ten minutes searching for my benefit and one stayed with me.

The dean threatened to fire me from school because we had stalkers. The police had told her what I had said and left out that my family were a danger to me and others. I had to talk to her to learn this, but she again mentioned speaking to them after I said this.

I am a danger if my traffickers are here, if they are within range to see and hear, and if they decide to use a particular cue that tells one of us to do whatever we can to avoid interrogation.

After receiving this cue, we would first try to leave with the traffickers, then to be killed ourselves however possible. If someone holds us down or blocks an exit, we are to first find another escape, then attempt to move them. It would be after non-violence in this situation fails that violence would be the alternative.

I don’t understand how this makes it safe for the dean to call my family, who knew about the trafficking and participated in it, to tell them everything I said here. Knowing what you know, although she did not have all of this typed out before her, I do believe it is irresponsible to involve these people.

I left the room with the people who were uncomfortable, because I was given the choice and I did not want to cause further discomfort. It was difficult, I was in pain and alone.

My family came that week, and I did my best to keep them away from the school. They are also dissociative systems, and I used some of their triggers and cues to keep everyone safe enough.

It is unfortunate that complete safety is not possible for me or around me, but I am taking every step I am able to maintain ‘safe enough’. I do feel entitled, I don’t understand why even the most helpful people can’t solve my problems.

I am well aware my mannerisms are strange and improper, but it is safe enough for now. I can tolerate sounding stuck up about it so long as I haven’t hurt anyone involved; physically, mentally or otherwise.

I’m angry because my caregivers were inadequate and I have to deal with the consequences. I don’t know why you are angry, but emotions cannot be wrong.

Often, feelings of the past come back to me. I understand that I am not unique, but my situation is often considered ‘too much’. I feel stranded, so I cry out. It’s how mammals work, and I can honor that without causing harm. I thought I had, but I pulled you in anyway.

I don’t know how to repair this. I will try to find better language. I’m uncertain whether that kind of post is allowed. I do want to be a mammal and still be safe enough. I would appreciate if you have an answer, though more I just needed to talk.

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milkviolets · 1 year

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𝐀𝐕𝐑𝐈𝐋 𝐋𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄 / 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

i think this might've actually been the first cd i ever owned. i can't remember if i got it as a gift, or if i bought it myself, it was so long ago. for yeas as a child, this was my absolute favorite album to listen to, and i remember cowering alone in the corner of my closet, holding my dolls while listening to it. i still remember that dreary little apartment. it's kind of insane that this album will be 20 years old next year !

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 ( 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝟏𝐬𝐭, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟒 ).

‘ I cannot find a way to describe it ’

‘ I wish that it would just go away ’

‘ What would you do if you knew ? ’

‘ I can't handle this confusion ’

‘ Come and take me away ’

‘ I feel like I am all alone ’

‘ My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you... ’

‘ If I show you, I don't think you'd understand. ’

‘ Something just isn't right, I can feel it inside. ’

‘ I'm living a lie ’

‘ When I'm alone, I feel so much better. ’

‘ When I'm around you I don't feel together ’

‘ This has gone on so long ’

‘ My heart is broken ’

‘ You held my hand and walked me home ’

‘ You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go ? ’

‘ Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love ’

‘ Guys are so hard to trust ’

‘ Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl ? ’

‘ Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you this time ? ’

‘ Don't try to tell me what to do ’

‘ Don't try to tell me what to say ’

‘ Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck will get you in my pants... ’

‘ I'll have to kick your ass to make you never forget ’

‘ I thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset. ’

‘ So get outta my head, get off of my bed ! ’

‘ I've done no wrong ’

‘ Any thoughts of you and me have gone away ’

‘ I'm better off alone anyway ’

‘ There's not much goin' on today ’

‘ I'm really bored, it's gettin' late ’

‘ He wasn't what I wanted ’

‘ He never made me feel like I was special ’

‘ I think it's time for me to bail ’

‘ He isn't really what I'm lookin' for ’

‘ I'm not afraid of anything ’

‘ I don't need much of anything ’

‘ How does it feel to be different from me? ’

‘ I am young and I am free ’

‘ I get tired and I get weak ’

‘ Would you comfort me ? ’

‘ Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead... ’

‘ Was it something I did ? ’

‘ Don't leave me hangin' ’

‘ You were all the things I thought I knew ’

‘ You were everything that I wanted ’

‘ All this time, you were pretending. ’

‘ So much for my happy ending ’

‘ You've got your dumb friends, I know what they say... ’

‘ They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they ! ’

‘ Do they even know you ? ’

‘ It's nice to know that you were there ’

‘ Thanks for acting like you care and making me feel like I was the only one ’

‘ He was everything that I wanted ’

‘ Well, I couldn't tell you why she felt that way... ’

‘ I couldn't help her ’

‘ She wants to go home, but nobody's home. ’

‘ Be strong now ’

‘ She's losin' her mind ’

‘ I'm givin' up on everything ’

‘ Don't know how much you screwed it up ’

‘ You never listen ’

‘ You were the one that was wrong ’

‘ Don't patronize me ’

‘ Have you forgotten everything that I wanted ? ’

‘ There's no point in thinking about yesterday ’

‘ It's too late now, it won't ever be the same. ’

‘ We're so different now ’

‘ If only I could run away ’

‘ Why do you look so familiar ? ’

‘ I think I'd like to get to know you a little bit more ’

‘ I'm gonna live today like it's my last day ’

‘ How do you always have an opinion ? ’

‘ We don't need anything, we're just wasting time. ’

‘ Be yourself, who are you? ’

‘ If I had my way, I'd never get over you. ’

‘ I don't wanna fall to pieces ’

‘ I just wanna sit and stare at you ’

‘ I don't wanna talk about it ’

‘ I'm in love with you ’

‘ You're the only one I'd be with 'til the end ’

‘ I wanna know everything ’

‘ You should know by now I won't listen to you ’

‘ I won't compromise ’

‘ Stand up for yourself ’

‘ I miss you so bad ’

‘ I hope you can hear me... ’

‘ The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same ’

‘ I wish that I could see you again. I know that I can't... ’

‘ Won't you wake up ? ’

‘ There you go, somewhere I can't bring you back... ’

‘ Every now and then, we all want something, even if there's no way of gettin' it. ’

‘ I don't wanna always have to be so nice ’

‘ I always get what I want ’

‘ You don't want to see me when I don't get what I want ’

‘ I'm not about to take no for an answer ’

‘ It could start to get ugly ’

⠀༌༙ ⁎ ཾཾ ུ⁎

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #sentence starters #rp prompt #lyric starters

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rosietrace · 1 year

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Glorious Masquerade, crimson flames (8/?)

Summary: Victoria has been graciously invited to attend the symposium hosted by Noble Bell College in collaboration with Night Raven College. Unfortunately, it seems she has a couple adversaries attending, specifically a certain prince of thorns...

( This does not apply to any of the main stories. )

Author's note: Ngl the Shard's have fucked up and ambiguous morals, but they know how to dress AMAZINGLY

{ Apologies for any out of character moments }

"YOU'RE TELLING ME VICKY KISSED A FUCKING DRACONIA!?!"

Zen felt nauseous when Camilla began aggressively shaking him back and forth, but not to the point of feeling his insides wanting to flood out.

Looking to the side, Victoria sent Mercury a look of worry, taking note of how quiet the boy had been.

Sighing, Victoria walked over to Camilla and gently tapped her on the shoulder."Milla, you can stop shaking Zen back and forth. I fear that he may grow nauseous." Was all she had to say for Camilla to stop.

Zen dramatically collapsed onto the ground, quietly singing an equally dramatic musical number. Which resulted in Mercury calling him a prick-

While they were bickering, Victoria had to explain quite a bit to Camilla.

"Hmm…"

"I know you're upset-"

"Words cannot describe how bewildered and- And ANGRY I am after Zen said you kissed a Draconia!"

Victoria seethed in embarrassment."I didn't kiss him. At least not on the lips…" She said before assertively crossing her arms.

Camilla's eyes widened and Victoria noticed a vein in her forehead."Then where in the seven did you fucking kiss him???" Camilla interrogated, demanding an immediate answer from her cousin.

Sometimes I forget how protective she can get… Especially when a Draconia is involved. Victoria huffed.

"Milla-"

Camilla pouted and turned her head away from Victoria."I'm very disappointed in you, Vicky. Weren't you the most committed to our 'I fucking hate the Draconias' club?" She reminded her.

Victoria smiled fondly at the memory of the club they made when they were younger.

"Yes, vividly," Victoria replied.

Camilla stopped pouting, and Victoria noticed her lips twitching upwards. And her smile widened at that observation.

"Are you still mad at me?" Her voice sounded normal, bordering on unnaturally casual, but Camilla knew that this was Victoria's way of teasing her.

She held it in. She tried to stay mad at her for something so precarious.

But Camilla gave in and whined."I can't stay mad at you for too long…" she rested her head on Victoria's shoulder and hugged her tightly.

After pulling away from the hug, Victoria decided to change the subject."Why are you and Mercury here?" She asked.

Camilla placed a finger over her chin to try and recall the moments that happened before this. Based on her immediate change in expression, Victoria could imagine a lightbulb floating over Camilla's head.

"Mercy came here to represent his school. He said he came here with his counselor and the headmistress's daughter I think."

"I see…. And you?"

Camilla grinned."Aunt Vivian heard that your dad had some sort of hunch and called me over here to help!" She exclaimed, but this time she sounded more gleeful.

I'm guessing my father had the same feeling about Rollo-san… Victoria hummed, looking to the side intently.

But her thoughts came to a close when Zen suddenly hid behind her, in fear for his life."Eh-"

"TORI HELP, MERCURY'S TRYING TO KILL ME-"

"I'M JUST GOING TO PRICK OUT YOUR PRICKS LIKE ANY OTHER CACTUS."

"THAT DOESN'T SOUND COMFORTING."

In a matter of seconds, Victoria grabbed the two of them by their ears and smiled in irritation.

"You two, we. Are. In. Public. I don't care why you're here and who you're representing, we must appear and act dignified, not act like preschoolers." She sent the two of them a look that had both of their souls disappear from their bodies for ten minutes.

When she finally let go of their ears, Zen fake cried and began acting dramatically again, just to a lesser degree. But for Mercury, we looked unfazed.

When in doubt Victoria, Zen, and Camilla knew that he was probably shitting his pants at the idea of angering her.

"Sorry, Ane…" Mercury muttered, looking at the ground awkwardly. Victoria pats his head gently with a subtle but soft smile.

"It's okay. But I need you to be careful with how you act and what you say. Even if you say them out of anger, our enemies could be anywhere. And they might use your words against you." She warned, crouching a bit to reach Mercury's level of height.

Mercury bit his lip before exhaling."Okay… I'll try to keep my sarcastic comments to a minimum." He promised, smiling a bit.

She giggled."If you say so." She responded, "Shall we go look for my parents?"

The rest nodded enthusiastically as they walked alongside one another and began looking for Vivian and Florian. Not to forget the bickering they were all having.

"Where is Aurelie?"

"Ugh, don't get me started on that tramp."

"I'm still not over what she did to my hair!"

"Oh come on, Camilla, having snake hair isn't THAT bad!"

"Oh, would you SHUT THE FUCK-"

"You two. Don't start."

♜ ♛ ________________________________♛♜

"VICTORIA? CAMILLA? MERCURY? ZEN?"

Florian awkwardly watched his wife as she was essentially hollering their names like her life was depending on it.

"Darling, please keep your voice down-"

"Not until I find our daughter, her brother, and her cousins." Vivian insisted, continuing to scurry around the city of flowers and search for them.

Florian let out a sigh." I know you're worried about Flamm, but-" he was cut off by a gasp from his wife.

"MY DARLING GIRL!"

Vivian cheered as she hugged her daughter tightly. When she eventually pulled away, Vivian began relentlessly doting on her daughter. And even though Victoria was somewhat embarrassed, she wasn't complaining.

"Oh, I can't help but say you look so beautiful! My darling girl, isn't she just ethereal?"

Zen snickered."With how doting auntie is, she's practically the equivalent of an overly positive anime mother!" He joked, earning a snort from Mercury.

Victoria chuckled a bit before sending Zen a look. Don't tell them what I did… I won't hear the end of it if they find out. She pleaded to him internally.

Zen immediately understood and sent her a nod, a grin, and a thumbs up in response. Which was enough to relieve Victoria of any stress she had.

Knowing Milla and Mercury, they're likely going to hide what they found out from my parents as well. Especially my father… Victoria sighed heavily, holding onto her mother's arm while they walked together.

"Victoria," Florian called, and the cousins and Zen stiffened a little. Victoria held in her emotions and raised a brow at her father.

"Yes, father?"

"Do you happen to know what Rollo Flamm intends to do?"

When he finally let out his question and it wasn't the one they were anticipating, Zen, Camilla, and Mercury audibly sigh in relief.

Victoria shakes her head."Unfortunately not, father. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am unaware of what that man plans to do." Florian's expression softened before he nodded.

"It's okay, dearest. It isn't your fault."

She hummed, continuing to walk.

I'm more scared of what's going to happen. Whatever that man is going to do… He could do it any minute.