I can’t tell if today was a good day or not.
It started out as a normal lazy day. Then my boss called me at 1pm asking if I was conning into work today. Even though I’ve been asking to work Monday and Wednesday night’s on the regular in addition to my Friday Saturday shifts, she’s only told me I could have Wednesday. Not Monday. This is not the first time she thought she told me something when she didn’t actually. Regardless, now I have the Monday Wednesday night shift as I wanted sooooo.
I quickly showered in a panic. While I was planning on showering today, I only shower at night so I took the quickest one I could and blow dried my hair. Something I’ve done less than like, ten times in my life because the whole reason I shower at night is so my hair will dry overnight. MY mind was racing as I was getting ready, and for a good portion of my drive to work too. I maladaptive daydreams scenarios I yelled at my boss for all of her incompetence, and muddled over what I would have done had she actually told me I could have the Monday night shift slap like she thought she did. I was a little worried I would get into a small car accident, since my driving instructor has always said never to drive with strong emotions. I remembered the post I read on tumble that said a good way to lessen or stop major spouts of anxiety is to go on a run or a walk, to trick you body into thinking it was running away from a deadly situation.
When I arrived at work, I found my boss not there as she said she would be till I arrived. But at least I was working with my fav chef! At the beginning of my shift, I was so irked by my bosses incompetence I couldn’t bring myself to physically do my tasks. Eventually though, I did rant on it to one of my wonderful mother figures on discord which helped me get out all my pent up frustration. Towards the end if the night, my thoughts shifted to maladaptively daydreaming up scenarios I yelled at my mom for everything she’s ever done. Things I would say to her, the way I would say it. (Over text, phone call, or in person) she’s conning back on Wednesday. Tomorrow will be my last full day without her, and I look forward to talk to my therapist that day.
Right now, I’m typing this out in my car in my workplace parking lot. The chilly night air outside leaving me cold, and eager to turn on the AC when j start driving. MY mind is tired. I’m tired of thinking. I just wanna turn off my thoughts for a while, but j know this feeling is only temporary.