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Today in a heated conversation with Isshaan, the word freedom came up
And it started a trail of how all of us desire a sense of freedom.
The chattering mind or “ego” manifests freedom in different ways, which are often always flawed.
Current design systems lean toward ‘getting rich’ as the 'ultimate freedom’. Flawed.

True Freedom means being in a space where energy can be free. Where your needs are taken care of and you experience very low stress. So that you can flow and be who you are.

I cannot change 'current design systems’ or the ego. 

But I can deny them. Criticise them, every night. We can change our own minds every night. 

You should really free the energy in small ways. Everyday. 

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I can now add “homeless legless crackhead smoking crack in front of me” to the weird and shitty human experiences on the job..

Faith in humanity, -1.

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27/10/20

6:19 AM

Morning.

Time to get to work.

Uni sent us dozens of videos on VFX, animation and Game Art. So we can learn more about it and choose one for next year.

Gonna start with a Maya tutorial first.

After that write. And then watch a video or so.

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💗😘😍 *NIKMATI PROSES.*
👏🤓
#newnormal

#morning #happy #selamatpagi #pagi #kerja #work #insta #instadaily #instagood #instalike #instagram #instapic #instagramers #instalove #love #ootd #ootdmen #pictoftheday #mood #likeforfollowback #likeforlikes #likeforlike #likeforfollows #like4like #likeforfollowers #likeforfollow #like4likes #likeforlikeback #followus (at Semarang, Indonesia)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CG1eGJoH-WW/?igshid=92ytcc7spgeb

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So I have a coworker who long story short is a little psychotic and stalkerish? It’s mostly for me and another coworker but she’s threatened him with police so he’s moved on to me AGAIN. It’s been back and forth for like a year. One of us will turn him down and he’ll go back to the other. Well he asked me out AGAIN today but not only did he ask me out he asked me to go on a hayride/corn maze/ jump scare Halloween thing on a farm. Why? So when you’re murdering me in the dark in the corn maze no one worries when they hear me scream? No thanks bud. I’ll pass on that. I’m gonna get murdered on my own terms and that seems lazy on your part since I figured out your end goal so fast.

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I can’t tell if today was a good day or not.

It started out as a normal lazy day. Then my boss called me at 1pm asking if I was conning into work today. Even though I’ve been asking to work Monday and Wednesday night’s on the regular in addition to my Friday Saturday shifts, she’s only told me I could have Wednesday. Not Monday. This is not the first time she thought she told me something when she didn’t actually. Regardless, now I have the Monday Wednesday night shift as I wanted sooooo.

I quickly showered in a panic. While I was planning on showering today, I only shower at night so I took the quickest one I could and blow dried my hair. Something I’ve done less than like, ten times in my life because the whole reason I shower at night is so my hair will dry overnight. MY mind was racing as I was getting ready, and for a good portion of my drive to work too. I maladaptive daydreams scenarios I yelled at my boss for all of her incompetence, and muddled over what I would have done had she actually told me I could have the Monday night shift slap like she thought she did. I was a little worried I would get into a small car accident, since my driving instructor has always said never to drive with strong emotions. I remembered the post I read on tumble that said a good way to lessen or stop major spouts of anxiety is to go on a run or a walk, to trick you body into thinking it was running away from a deadly situation.

When I arrived at work, I found my boss not there as she said she would be till I arrived. But at least I was working with my fav chef! At the beginning of my shift, I was so irked by my bosses incompetence I couldn’t bring myself to physically do my tasks. Eventually though, I did rant on it to one of my wonderful mother figures on discord which helped me get out all my pent up frustration. Towards the end if the night, my thoughts shifted to maladaptively daydreaming up scenarios I yelled at my mom for everything she’s ever done. Things I would say to her, the way I would say it. (Over text, phone call, or in person) she’s conning back on Wednesday. Tomorrow will be my last full day without her, and I look forward to talk to my therapist that day.

Right now, I’m typing this out in my car in my workplace parking lot. The chilly night air outside leaving me cold, and eager to turn on the AC when j start driving. MY mind is tired. I’m tired of thinking. I just wanna turn off my thoughts for a while, but j know this feeling is only temporary.

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Had a really wack ass day at work. It started off OK only cuz I got to work next to this really hot Mexican girl. I didn’t talk to her but I got to work next to her and show her what a real nigga looks like lol… Anyways, then my lead moved me somewhere else and at the table next to me was a whole group of ratchet ass bitches. Like 7 of em. They were loud, obnoxious, ratchet, ghetto, ignorant, nasty af. Fucking talking out loud about all sorts of nasty, inappropriate shit and I had to stand there listening to all of it. It was whatever tbh it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I just ignored them for the most part and did my job. Wasn’t so bad and some of it was funny. There was a nice old lady named Lucy working across from me and I felt sorry she had to also listen to these shameless ass hoes. We both literally just ignored them and did our job. Overall it was just an OK Monday. Pretty meh overall. Hope tomorrow will be a better day and I’m sure it will be… Unfortunately I will have to work in the same area again but like I said it’s whatever. I don’t mind it too much. Just looking forward to getting the day over with and getting closer to Friday - payday. I’m only here to make money and get a paycheck.

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Mum: Sel, what are you doing?

Me: Research!

Mum: You’re watching Madmen, aren’t you?

Me: We’ll I need to learn from the best now that I’m a marketing manager of a university

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