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danganronpedits-archived · 4 years

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hello! could i get a yttd, dr, and/or (s)dra(2) matchup, please? I’m pretty easy to get along with, and outgoing, according to my friends. im a very pda heavy person, and i show it whenever possible. Im naturally very charismatic, and i find it easy to get my way, but i often doubt my authenticity because of it. Usually im a very truthful person, but i can lie when it matters. im a very emotional person, but i dont like to stress out my friends with my emotions. (1/2?)

+ yttd/dr/(s)dra(2) anon here again! i care deeply for my friends and i try to help them whenever i can. usually this is more in the way of advice. despite having a fair amount of friends, though, i’m officially an introvert (infj). //thank you and have a good day!!// (2/2)

yeahhhhhh you could totally get a matchup!! you sound suuper sweet!! thank you so super duper much for requesting, your matchup may-or-may-not be under the cut !!!

i’ll warn ya though, the length of this one varies a whoooole lot. my matchup-motivation(matchivation, as i call it) has been at a low lately, super sorry that you’re on the receiving end of that! i’ll get out of my slump soon, proomise !!

-mod tsu (kinsidering icons)

first off, from your turn to die, i match you with...

kazumi mishima!

this section contains spoilers for your turn to die, as well as the island mode spin-off, your time to shine! okay, PLEASE hear me out on this one. i was originally going to put mai here- so this is definitely a jump. however, specifically based on your mbti type, i think mishima is a better fit. let me explain. despite being a little strange, i think that people can find it easy to get along with mishima. he’s very close with nao, of course, and even before the second trial he manages to develop a friendship with gin, and become on good terms with sara, kanna, joe, and somewhat reko. in the island mode, while it may be customary since he’s the protagonist, mishima does also get along rather well with the rest of the cast. plus, he’s typically the one that’s more willing to ask questions about the others in a friendly way, or more willing to be personal with the rest of the cast. it’s clear that he cares very much about other people, and i think that corresponds with your MBTI type. to quote the website’s specific description, INFJ types, “take the actions that they do because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.” while escaping from an island is a somewhat extreme example, it still applies. i wouldn’t say he’s exactly pda heavy- but kazumi is very actively affectionate for other people. he drinks with keiji, um... and works out with shin? however, it’s clear that in all circumstances, he wants to help and has the best intentions in mind. in terms of you, i’d say he definitely shows affection whenever possible, though maybe not in physical form. in terms of getting his way... i would actually say that he does, too. first off, going back to that charisma you both have, it makes the two of you seem rather reliable. plus, i think both of you know when what you’re asking for is too much, and in general those good intentions seep into what you ask other people for. haha... i could definitely learn something from you guys. he is rather truthful i’d say, especially in how much he cares for others. i think that the two of you would also be rather trusting, not being paranoid or wary unless there’s a good reason to. however, he can lie when it matters. in the beginning, kanna is much more stressed about her sister’s fate than she is later on in the game. kazumi lies for her sake, and tries to help her resolve and morale, by saying that there’s nothing she could have done to save her sister. obviously, kugie passing wasn’t kanna’s fault, but that was one of the only arguments kazumi could have given to her at the time that it wasn’t. that’s definitely a time when i’d say lying matters. maybe you’ve lied to spare someone’s feelings before, too ,,

well... the bad thing about hiding your feelings is that it’s hard to conclude whether mishima is hiding his own. after all... if they’re hidden, we wouldn’t see them so often. however, it’s clear that he thinks more than one might imagine at a glance. he cares deeply for his students beyond a surface level, and it’s clear that he’s attached to other people. he indirectly gives up his life for the sake of nao’s safety, and in the second chapter, his AI only blames himself for the grief his death caused nao. pluss... unless it’s with one of the kiddos(gin, kanna, etc), mishima is more the type to suggest ways to improve yourself, rather than just emotional support n beefing you uup. liiiiike, bring up your time to shine again, mishima’s obviously the one leading everyone to their epic island survival. right. BUT, in his affection events w/ shin specifically, the two of them work out together since shin mentions being really weak. whenever he facez a problem, his first thought is how to beat it into the ground. and maybe you feel similarly!!! with that productive mindset!! if you do... i promise that it’s super duper clear to everyone that you care so much, and they love-love how much you’re able to look out for their well being!!!!!! both of you do that!!! i’m going to explore your MBTI a little more real quick!!! buckle up, readers !!! buuuut before we do, mishima’s totally got a lot of friends. like, full stop, he finds it easy to get close with people on both the island and in the death game. however i think that mishima’s definitely more of an introvert than an extrovert. fiirst off, other than the whole art is the introvert’s ideal activity thing(plus, infj’s are said to be creative + artistic!! double kill!!), he also... gosh. how do i explain it. he more seems to like people than actively seek energy from them the way extroverts do, yaaa know? plus, wiith that advice thing you mentioned, INFJ’s tend to be future-focused people. i think that mishima’s a really goal-focused kind of guy. pluus, the both of you are bit reserved in yourselves(liike what you said about doubting your authenticity), and it totally seems like you value closer and deeper relationshipsz. aalso, the two of you may be a little hard to get to know, and can maybe be too sensitive to things(you mentioned being emotional). lastly, i think the both of you can totally be idealists- and as the 16personalities website says, you’re not “idle dreamers”. i wouldn’t be surprised if the both of you care for other people a whole lot, and try your best to help them and in general make the world better through other people. if that makes sense!

second off, from danganronpa, i match you with...

chisa yukizome!

like before, this part contains spoilers for danganronpa 3, the end of hope’s peak academy! it will have spoilers for future and despair arc, as i haven’t watched hope arc. ...though kaede akamatsu is a close second! honestly, while i did settle on chisa, i think you’re like if kaede and chisa did a funky dance and fused together. you’re still really like chisa though!!! the two of you both seem pretty easy to get along with, and definitely outgoing. however, i think that even with your eccentricities, you don’t really overwhelm people! you may a little here or there by mistake, but you’re sure to reel it in if they tell you about it- at least, that’s my guess. plus, i’d also guess that the two of you have good communication skills. as someone who seems to care deeply about people, both of you would probably make an effort to make sure you’re understood by the other person, and that the other person is understood in return. this also goes along with you seeming good at telling how others are feeling. plus, chisa isn’t someone who’s afraid to get physical with other people. this is shown when she physically picks up nanami in the first episode, and her pulling kyosuke and sakakura to her in an old photograph of the three. plus, while it’s not exactly affectionate... teruteru was on the receiving end of some ropes. she does seem to show this very often, as even when she’s not physically affecting people, chisa is still perfectly willing to get in others’ faces. i’d imagine that when she was younger, she might have been more like ibuki in that she just couldn’t restrain herself from expressing the affection in her body. i’d also agree that chisa’s rather charismatic. she’s able to get all of class 77-B on her side in the span of one day, and gets very close with even fuyuhiko after a few months. all of them miss her dearly when she’s sent off to the reverse course. jumping topics a little, i think that she also finds it easy to get what she wants. starting off with class 77-B, of course her charm let her get close to all of them- but her general determination makes it easy for her to know how she wants to face something. maybe you’re also the type to have ideas and a plan, and then roll with it if something goes wrong! neither of you seem like the type to go off of pure impulse, though- maybe educated intuition, but to make a funny joke, neither of you seem particularly trigger happy. you’re both the type to take a second and think before you make a decision, but you’re not the type to think too hard about most things. at least, that’s what i’m getting.

next up, we come to the reason that i went with chisa instead of kaede. i think that with your more goal-setting and process-based mind, you wouldn’t overthink a lie you’re telling and realise that it has to get done. i could be totally wrong, but if chisa sees it as necessary, she can create various well-meaning schemes. for example, while it’s not really a great one, whenever she’s brainwashed by junko she basically gets the future foundation taken down due to her acting skills. while i think she has a strong sense of right and wrong, i think that if she needed to lie she’d know it’s for the greater good. like mishima, maybe you’ve had to do something like that before- sparing someone else’s feelings, keeping someone away from trouble. so on. chisa is definitely someone i’d call emotional! her students can make her jump from protective, to frustrated, to overjoyed all in the span of a few minutes. these are all things she uses to her advantage, though i think that if she didn’t believe these emotions would be beneficial to communicating, she wouldn’t express them. you might feel the same way. for example, if you were in a situation where someone was acting unjustly, it would be more obvious than a situation where... say, you’re having personal issues that you can’t fix. i think you’d try to keep it to yourself if you didn’t think it would be beneficial. you deserve to vent !! it’s okay anooon ! lastly, i think chisa cares very deeply about those close to her. she gives a lot of advice to people like hajime and chiaki, who have their own struggles. plus, she’s not afraid to give sakakura a piece of her mind when he flies off the handle a little bit. in general, she’s also rather consoling of and friendly with munakata. even koichi, a big part of their relationship is how they encourage each other to do their best. chisa also tried to dispel nagito’s self-demeaning comments, which is... definitely a feat. even if chisa does have a lot of close friends and students who she’s on good terms with, a lot of her deeper thinking and planning happens when she’s alone. plus, even she could get overloaded by trying to overcome too many people. and just for a bit of spice, INTJ’s and chisa both are very idealistic and active about this idealism. plus, they also have strong beliefs and are unwavering on them, enjoy helping others(but need space to recharge), understand the good and bad in the world and want to make it better. i’m keeping them coming, chisa also has the traits of being very sensitive to the needs of others, being very creative, and being focused on the future.

and lastly, from danganronpa another, i match you with...

setsuka chiebukuro!

like the other two, this part contains spoilers of danganronpa another 2. though yoruko kabuya is a close second! to start off, i think setsuka is definitely easy to get along with. she’s very good at holding up a conversation and making other feel welcome, and maybe your presence is similarly welcoming or warm! she’s rather laid back, even in the killing game, so i think that you would definitely be similar to her outside of that dangerous situation. plus, i’d absolutely call her outgoing too! she doesn’t hesitate to talk to other people, and is the main moodmaker of the group. that’s her biggest concern in the killing game, honestly! maybe you’d also be more focused on calming everyone down and uniting other people, in a situation like that. plus, i think she is also pretty pda heavy! she tends to refer to the rest of the cast as kids, taking on a more mature demeanor. she also does a lot of hugging and head pats, and isn’t afraid to get in the water to swim with other people. if i’m right, she physically pulls sora, yoruko, and the others into having a pool and costume party with her. if she doesn’t she’s at least pushy- she knows how to get other people in a good mood and doesn’t hesitate to do so. this is shown with the parties she throws, how she organises everyone to meet at the satsuki land parade, just in general. she tries really hard, and i think you can also have a very active kind of moodmaking ability! she’s very charismatic, and maybe you relate to her more joking and easygoing attitude! from how you talk, it seems like you can make people feel relaxed just by being around you. and honestly i kinda love that? like, toss me some chillness pleeeez i think that she can find it easy to get her way, too. while more stubborn characters like hibiki and nikei she can’t get through to, that’s typically because they refuse to let her. even so, when she directly confronts hibiki’s closed off attitude in chapter 2, she manages to break through her cold facade. even if that’s just a little, she is ultimately the biggest factor in getting hibiki to warm back up to the rest of the group. she is rather truthful, though i think she can doubt herself at times too- i’ll get into that later. she can lie at times, like keeping nikei’s secret of his voice status, though this is like the others where she only lies and hides things when necessary.

next up, setsuka is also rather emotional. she clearly shows concern for all of the group members, and is willing to take on the role of everyone’s big sister for their sake. like, her entire role in the game is making other people happier and more at ease in the killing game. i just... that’s it. she also hides her distress and discomfort, however. whenever everyone’s showed their motive video in chapter 3, setsuka is obviously very upset by it, but she regathers her resolve and encourages everyone to keep going in spite of this. the only person who has the same amount of composure as setsuka puts on is sora, and sora’s motive video did essentially nothing except confuse her. it’s clear that she doesn’t want to stress anyone out, and puts a strong emphasis on the needs of other people. it’s obvious that the two of you care very deeply for your friends, and want to keep them safe. she also tries to help everyone whenever she can, as she tries her best to be helpful during trials, and as we just went over she’s very devoted to being a moodmaker. a lot of the rousing, invigorating speeches and words in the game are given by her, and through her actions she also does well to keep everyone’s morale high. setsuka also has more private conversations with people one-on-one about how they can handle their own worries, hibiki being the prime example. however, like with the other characters, i also wouldn’t call her extrovert. she seems to love people yes, but a lot of her conversations are more meaningful. it doesn’t seem like she talks to others just to talk, but she has clear intent whenever she does so. i think this makes her lean more to the introvert side. and finally, it’s MBTI trait lightning round time! INFJ’s and setsuka are both actively idealistic, want to make the world a better place, very happy to help others, need space to recharge, are sensitive to others’ feelings, focused on goals and the future, holders of strong beliefs, have strong imaginations, and want to get to the heart of issues so that people don’t have problems to fix. also, INFJ’s and setsuka both want to rule the world with kindness and love.

the show concludes...! here’s a word from our sponsors. from yttd, you also remind me strongly of joe tazuna and mai tsurugi, as well as lightly of nao egokoro, and anzu kinashi! from dr, you also remind me very strongly of kaede akamatsu, strongly of mahiru koizumi and ibuki mioda, as well as somewhat of aoi asahina, hiroko hagakure, yuta asahina and sonia nevermind. from dra you also remind me strongly of yoruko kabuya, and somewhat of akane taira, emma magorobi, haruhiko kobashikawa, and satsuki iranami! also, this is just based off of vibes, but you also remind me a little of hibiki otonokoji and shinji kasai.

ehe... i’m sorry, i feel like there are a lot of minor matchups... especially from only three(technically 7, but) games... but i hope this matchup was still helpful..! thank you so much for requesting, once again...

#kin matchup #yttd kin #your turn to die kin #dra kin #danganronpa another kin #danganronpa kin #dr kin #✿ they don't want this kind of ending! / anon #♡ ultimate cosplayer! / request finished #alcohol mention #smoking mention

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larrylemonice · 4 years

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L + Sy + 2020

Yeah, I made a tumblr for this. Twitter is my jam, but I’m not posting it there.

This is about L + Sy + July/December 2020. Also, a bit about 1D + July/December 2020.

Originally Posted May 26, 2020.

Updates (marked in post): May 27, 2020. June 5, 2020. June 12, 2020.

I have some resources that can be useful with this kind of research, but they didn’t turn up as much as I can typically expect. There’s a reason for that.

Anyway, with July approaching (and what that might mean), I needed to put the timelines, organized notes and my thoughts somewhere.

KEY: Si refers to the person (talent show judge) Sy refers to his company L refers to that beautiful, talented human we love.

Sy background: Sy was originally owned totally by Si. That changed in 2010, when Sy became a joint venture with Sony (since 2010: Si owns half of Sy, and Sony owns the other half). Sy, as a joint venture with Sony, will exist through at least 2021 (the latest extension of the partnership, through 2021, was announced back in 2016).

[June 12, 2020 update: Sy and Sony’s partnership ends Mar. 31, 2021. if not renewed, Sony has the right to buy out Sy. Uncertain if this would happen though, as the financial would need to make sense (and would incl. Si’s tv shows]

L’s history with Sy:

Late 2015:

L creates an imprint label w/ Sy. This was his only option to do so, due to the then-active 1D Sy contract. Any move at the time had to be with Sy. Therefore, zero negotiating power.

L’s imprint label was officially registered in late 2015, right before 1D’s contract with Sy ended. While the other guys escaped, Sy sold L on the idea of creating a label. And that imprint label? It was never used. But L now belonged to Sy.

2016: L’s Just Hold On single is released through Ultra Music, a Sony company. Sy promotes the single.

Summer 2017: L goes direct with Sy. Essentially, signing to Sy without L’s imprint label involved. It can be assumed this was the only option, given whatever was signed in 2015.

All details of the 2017 direct sign have been hidden. Normally, it’s the type of thing a company would push PR for. Sy only shared details with one publication: The Sun. If you don’t know, The Sun is a joke that lives in mgmt’s pocket. In their “exclusive” story, “L” gives them positive quotes about the deal: “I’m very happy... I’m excited to be continuing my relationship with Sy.” okay. brb. gotta laugh. L didn’t say that.

So what about other publications’ coverage of the signing? Well, they could only quote The Sun.

A couple weeks later: L signs a solo contract with Epic (a Sony company), via Sy.

2019: L signs a solo contract with Arista (a Sony company), via Sy.

Solo contracts are often 1 year, and can be renewed for various lengths. Usually a set amount of work is expected during that period, though many things can influence that requirement. So, though L has to remain within Sony because of Sy, those dates for the two solo contracts appear normal by industry standards.

But what about the contract with Sy? The one that has ties back to 2015, when L had no choice? It’s not known when that relationship will legally end. Sy has protected that info, and L can’t talk about it.

Guesses:

5 years... from 2015? So late 2020?

3 years... from the 2017 direct sign? That could mean summer 2020. ^^ both random guesses that end in 2020 because I need that.

If Sy, as a Sony joint venture company, expires in early 2021? (especially if So buys out Si).

After a set number of albums? It’s more likely it would be a set period, wherein a certain amount of work is expected. What that means could get messy, depending on the contract terms.This could be in addition to any of the above guesses.

Something else entirely.

[June 5, 2020 update: Around June 4, a rumor circulated on social that L’s Sy contract would end on June 7, 2020. While that could be true for other reasons (see full tumblr post), the basis of the new rumor is likely false. The rumor appears to claim that L signed an 18-month contract in June 2017, then renewed with a new 18-month contract in December 2018 - and that would end in June 2020. We don’t know L’s Sy contract term, so where is the 18-month claim from? I traced it to a Metro article misquote of the aforementioned “exclusive” The Sun article. The Sun said, “he just signed a solo record deal with Si’s Sy label, 18 months after the band went on their long-term hiatus.” Then Metro, sourcing only the Sun in their article, said, “L has signed an 18-month record contract with Si...”. So the rumor seems to run with the idea of 18 months and multiply it by 2. Hey, I spend half my life clowning, so I get it. If there is legitimate information to back the rumor, please let me know via Twitter.]

What does this mean for L’s freedom as a human being?

Let’s assume it's similar to the Sy 1D contract --- or the contract of any artist that has been under Sy. Artists have spoken out about the harsh image control and image exploitation. We know those stories. I don’t know why L’s contract would be any different. And from recent years, we know he’s been controlled in various ways.

What does it mean for July 23?

First, 1D: I see a lot about 1D, and how they have a contract ending July 23, 2020... 10 years after they formed as a group on The X-Factor. I talk about it too. This assumes they signed a 10-year contract. But…

I can’t find anything on that (in terms of legit sourced information). Nothing. Am I missing something? Like, is everyone referring to only the anniversary date (and no contract), and I’m just confused? Given the context on twitter, I get the vibe other people were also thinking a contract ends July 23. Let me know. SO looking into a potential decade-long 1D contract…

If there’s nothing official out there, it’s possible this idea came from a contract length standard with Si’s talent show contracts. I can’t find anything legit relating to an X-Factor contract (other than a partially leaked contestant contract from 2013 that only talks about being on the show… not what’s after).

But there is some info on Si’s other talent show:

Years before Sy became a joint venture with Sony, Si/Sy created the X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent (Got Talent was created following the success of X-Factor).

Let’s assume these two show contracts are very similar. You can find online discussions about Got Talent contestants having to sign with Sy for 10 years. It’s unclear if that begins at the time of the first contract (required early in the show process) or a reported later contract that’s required if a contestant makes it to the semi-finals. So, 1D formed on July 23, but… when was a defined term signed?

[May 27, 2020 update: twitter feedback is that many people have heard a reported 10 year would end Dec. 2020. While there’s no sourced info for this, it makes a lot of sense. 1D would have signed the semi-final contract in Dec. 2010.]

Okay but… aren’t the boys out of their Sy contract? Well, in one sense, definitely yes. Reports say 1D + Sy ended in 2015. We know that. And with the exception of trapped L, they went on to do their own thing without Sy.

So what’s with the 10-year talk? I read some older rumor/speculation articles that 1D might have an “option” contract with Sy that stems from the show (apparently, these are common with talent shows). An option contract could force 1D to remain with Sy, even after the initial/official contract ends. This is crazy to me. Google “music option contract” or similar to read about it.

Additionally, there is a rumored contract clause that allowed the guys to do solos after the initial/official contract ended in 2015. Again, this bit is speculation from the interweb. But I wanted to include it, as it fits with both the 2015 and 2020 narratives. There could be option periods Sy is enacting through July or December 2020, which restrict the guys as a group.

Potential reunion options, if a 10-yr contract ends in December:

If the contract ends in December, the guys could still join in some way before then without involving Sy. A contract can’t stop them from interacting. However, from looking at Sy’s Got Talent contracts, the guys likely couldn’t sing 1D songs or represent as 1D, and definitely couldn’t use 1D social channels, etc.

Or: they might be okay involving Sy for a 1D-branded reunion? if it doesn’t extend contracts or anything. I don’t love this for them, but can see them doing it for the fans.

Back to L:

Let’s say the guys wait until after 1D+Sy ends to reunite (whether that be July, December, etc). I think L would be able to participate in a reunion, even if tied to Sy individually. I mean, the guys are talking about a reunion. Sy can likely only control L as an individual, not as a member of 1D.

But what about L’s individual freedom, particularly as it relates to image? If under a Sy contract during the reunion, that could likely be controlled.

What’s it mean for Larry?

Above all, I’ll say I support them individually first. This post is about L (and all the guys, really), and how Sy trapped L back when he was already trapped.

But I am a Larrie (obviously). Like a zero-doubt Larrie. I absolutely believe there is a real history there that was forced to be hidden.

I do see tweets about Larry coming out on July 23. I just don’t think that will happen--- even if Larry is together and L gained freedom on that date.

Sy has done so much damage to L. I feel like the Fine Line track speaks to that. And probably a dozen other solo + 1D songs. Just been listening to Fine Line all day, so on my mind.

Anyway, think of how much “story” will need to be unraveled. Even after contracts end, L still can’t speak about Sy. He can’t say something like, “so and so wasn’t real, but so and so was, and now I’m telling the world because I can.” For legal reasons, it’d need to be handled delicately.

Not even talking about Larry – I actually think it’s much bigger than that, especially for L as an individual and his career – it pisses me off to think that anyone’s image – whether past, present or both – could be controlled. That would wreck someone’s mental health.

In conclusion (I guess I’m writing an essay now), I’m excited that a reunion of some sort is probable at some point this year… I’m just… worried about L and the length of the Sy contract. Sy keeps getting away with traps on traps on traps.

The end, LarryLemonIce

Shout-out to everyone that provided feedback/info/thoughts on Twitter. Really helpful!

#larry af #larry is real #larrie

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starkergames · 5 years

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STARKER GAMES ROUND 1

Who: Artists and Writers

What: A Starker Event for artists to collaborate and writers to write!

Where: Predominately Discord and Tumblr (for now)

When: November 1, 2019 to February 1, 2020

Artist Signup Date Closes: October 31, 2019

Writer Signup Date Closes: November 31, 2019

HOW This will be very similar to a Reverse Big Bang with some changes.

Instead of 1 Artist with 1 Writer, we will have a (3 member) team of artists that will create art with a topic in mind.

Writers, you begin in December and will have 2 months to write something amaaaazing to correspond with the art! Writers have (first come, first serve) the ability to pick what topic/art they would like to work on and have until Feb. 1, 2020 to finish their fic, it will be epic!

Artist Applications Here Writer Applications Here

Overall Rules:

Theme: Just has to be Starker (You can pick with your group!)

Since this is our very first round, let’s keep it SFW for now. If we get enough requests for NSFW or a lower amount of expected minors, we’ll open up the next round to NSFW. But for now, S A F E F O R W O R K only please!

Artists & Writers:

You and your team will have an area within the server to brainstorm, talk, and create a magical collab!

Artists:

1. Groups of 3: You and 2 other artists will be paired together for a three way collaboration. Each one of you will be assigned a role: Sketch, Ink, Color.

You and your group will choose the topic for the art and may choose to make 1 drawing or 3. Up to you. (But please inform us — because we need to know the appropriate amount of art to assign to writers) 

2. Please pick a team name so we can go ahead and create a room for you to discuss your ideas should you choose to use it  

3. If you don’t have a digital drawing program, no worries, please discuss with your team mates and see if you can try to find a solution — if not, please discuss with me or the mods and we can figure something out :P 

4. Each role will have ONE MONTH to complete their part of the collaboration.

Finished Art deadline is February 1, 2020

Writers:

1. Each artist group will have a description of what they are creating; first come first serve basis for you as a writer to pick which topic you want to work on.  

2. Writers portion will begin in DECEMBER 1, 2019 — allowing artist groups to have a 1 month head start to get their sketches in (so writers may have an idea of what they are writing for) 

3. Writers will be added to their respective teams and all content creators can discuss and work within their selected channels / or choose to discuss off server 

4. Writers will have 2 MONTHS to complete their portion of the collaboration. Minimum 2,000 words.

Writer deadline is February 1, 2020.

Hope you can join us! <3

#peachbabypie #the-mad-starker #starkravingspiders #starker games #Starker Games Round 1

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fire-toolz · 4 years

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Infinity and “I”: An interview with Fire-Toolz

Sometimes you encounter music that opens your ears to new possibilities in such a way that your subconscious burns the moment of impact into your memory. For me, the most potent of these include an early adolescent exposure to the cyclic, minimalist bliss of Miles Davis’ In a Silent Way as in-between-set music at a neighborhood basement show, doubling over laughing with my sister on our drive to school at the vocal-sourced percussion of Björk’s “Where is the Line?”, and having my 19-year-old shit permanently rocked amid my (still) daily breakfast of eggs and oatmeal by the opening few tracks of Fire-Toolz’ Drip Mental.

At least to my ears at that time, the breakneck transitions between Mego-style avant-pop glitches, digitized metal skree, snapshots of vapor memories and scream-led dance pop offered up a vision of shape-shifting music that felt wholly new, almost sacred in its profane blend of styles and sound. “To me, that constantly shifting atmosphere and mood is the ebb and flow you perceive,” says Angel Marcloid, the face behind the Fire-Toolz moniker. “Lots of waves and conditions to pass through, but they all make sense to me … Ideas flow out of me with absolutely no effort made, my body records as many of them as it can and the song gets built in little bits at a time.” The idea of musical “sense” might seem at-odds with the free-wheeling, genre-agnostic sounds of a Fire-Toolz album, but sustained exposure breeds familiarity: By the time I rolled around to my third or fourth listen through Drip Mental, the chaos began to cohere into a logical world of its own.

If my ears grown more accustomed to the utter uniqueness of Marcloid’s art, so too does it seem that “Fire-Toolz” is becoming a musical language of its own. Every new release brings the euphoria of Marcloid’s music toward higher and more mind-bending plans, and nowhere is this more true than on Rainbow Bridge, Marcloid’s new album for Hausu Mountain. The music is distinctly Marcloid, taking the same hallmarks I found on Drip Mental and refining them into sharp gems. A monophonic hymn drives “⌈Mego⌉ ≜ Maitrī,” making for one of the most patient and profound Fire-Toolz composition to date. At the other end, “Rainbow ∞ Bridge” hurls in with synthesized black metal fervor before it combusts into a grooving, tuneful section of electronics. A soaring electronic guitar solo dominates the middle third, and the track eventually loops around on itself into the ear-splitting pulses and crashes of the opening. “It’s less stitching sounds together, and more like inventing gigantic puzzles made of both large and tiny pieces dancing around and overlapping each other, interacting with each other,” Marcloid says of this segmented composition process.

A standout sonic quality of Fire-Toolz’ music—on Rainbow Bridge and all its older siblings—is its embrace of the sounds, chord structures of new age, jazz fusion, prog and a host of other styles based around extreme musicianship, and exacting production. Born in 1984, Marcloid finds that many of these sounds are inseparable from the nostalgia of her childhood. “I wasn’t raised on jazz or electro-pop or adult contemporary or electronic music, but in the distance, there it all was—in waiting rooms, in the background of movies, at the mall, in TV shows, in educational films, in video games, in my friends’ parents’ vans,” she says. These musical encounters all share a sense of accidents. From muzak to soundtracks to chance encounters, Marcloid never supposed to take this stuff in.

 Though that’s precisely the path she took, and Fire-Toolz takes a magnifying glass to these background sounds and exposes their inherent beauty and strangeness. “Because of the internet, and having the privilege of being able to access those sounds and use them creatively, I am living out my second childhood in a heartfelt, authentic way,” she says. This “second childhood” is an apt analogy for the giddiness that Fire-Toolz music exudes. These sounds and harmonies are familiar—some would argue overused and tired—but Marcloid approaches them with a renewed sense of optimism. At their core, these styles hunt for religious ecstasy and otherworldly piece, cosmic qualities that Marcloid’s art exudes with boundless glee.

These ideals of grandiosity that run rampant through Marcloid’s music also appear in the conceptual and philisophical framework surrounding the Fire-Toolz project. The track titles alone convey this sense of out-of-body msyticism. Through a combination of between cheeky, internet-based puns, dense transcendental philosophy and creative linguistic construction through the use of atypical spellings, punctuation and word structuring, Marcloid constructs a verbal world inside which her singular music lives. “Infinity and wholeness is a constant theme, but it is by default. It is a framework from which I operate,” she says. “I’m on a journey; steadily growing every day, until my body no longer works. I’m not even saying I’m getting better and better, but I’m always changing. I’m constantly falling, and there is no ground.”

Stand out examples of these constructions from the past include the warm, nostalgic hum of Skinless X-1‘s “In The Computer Room @ Dusk ☕” or the scattered sonic metamorphosis of “Fluids Come Together & The ‘I Am’ Appears.” On Rainbow Bridge, one of the most stunning realizations comes on “dEcRePiT φ PhOeNiX,” a track which Marcloid says “is a direct reference to myself and evolution. A decrepit phoenix is kind of how I see my body-mind and personality. Always escaping from the ashes, sore and tired … But, a phoenix nonetheless.” With its wobbling chromatic synthesizer melodies and arena-ready drum slaps, the music presents a colorful foundation atop which Marcloid’s screamed vocals delve head first into this beautiful crisis of change: “Melted and melded and molding crashes / Illusion of self reduced to ashes,” she sings, highlighting the twin agents of destruction and rebirth that accompany any process of change.

While these ideas might traverse the breadth of Fire-Toolz’ discography, the new album places the themes in a more specific context. “For Rainbow Bridge, I felt like I had an enormous amount I needed to say and express; so many questions to ask, and expressions of energy I needed to release. I just make music with that in mind,” says Marcloid. Specifically, “the title references the pathway that our pets take when they leave us. My cat Breakfast, who passed away in December of 2018, is the talking point of the album. A lot of it is about her, or speaking to her.” Breakfast also appears on the album (as she has on a number of previous Fire-Toolz releases), creating a sort of living/lasting artistic tribute to the lost friend. In this light, the epic constructions feel even more special, as if the explosions of colorful sounds on Rainbow Bridge are paeans to Breakfast. The songs build towers that stretch toward the bridge in search of communication.

 “Fire-Toolz has always been sincere,” Marcloid says. “Melodramatically sincere.” It’s this sincerity that’s kept me coming back time and time again after that fateful February morning encounter. Especially at its most bombastic and indulgent (see: the sing-along chorus of Rainbow Bridge‘s “It’s Now Safe to Turn Off Your Computer,” the neon, fusion-drenched guitar outro “Clear Light” off 2019’s Field Whispers (Into the Crystal Palace)), Marcloid’s music teethes with a sense of purpose and meaning. What might illicit chuckles of disbelief upon first encounter transforms into a beautiful sonic odyssey that offers more intruige and magic over time.

Like each and every Fire-Toolz album, Rainbow Bridge is a mind-bending excursion that blows up music into a cosmic, surreal land, and it’s only the tip of the iceberg: In the last year or so alone, Marcloid has put out equally incredible music through her Mindspring Memories, Angelwings Marmalade, Nonlocal Forecast and Path to Lobster Believers projects, as well as a number of mastering jobs (some personal favorites include The Car? and w i n t e r q u i l t 愛が止ま). A number of these projects (including Fire-Toolz) have future releases already in progress, and there’s a high chance I’ve even left of a name or two in this list. If this seems like this stretches the limits of what one entity can perform and produce, Marcloid suggests that there’s other energy at play: “Something tells me it’s not me doing it. ‘Me’ in the individuated sense,” she says. “It feels more like something I am a part of is doing it through me.” What form this ancillary force might take is unbeknownst to anyone save Marcloid, but let’s hope their fruitful collaborations continue for years into the future. We’ll always need more rapturous shock; we’ll always need more Fire-Toolz, ad infinitum.

-Audrey Lockie/Slug Mag

https://www.slugmag.com/music/interviews/music-interviews/infinity-and-i-an-interview-with-fire-toolz/

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residentanchor · 6 years

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A Lesson in Practicality 17

<<Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Summary: Thomas sends Patton a rather interesting photo... speaking of, they probably should meet up and catch Thomas up on things, huh? Warning: It gets a bit dark at the end of this one. Word Count: 5919

Roman had a firm grip on Patton's hand while they sat on the living room floor. With a determined look on his face, Roman was fully concentrated on his work.

"Sit still, Patton!"

"Sorry, I'm just getting antsy." Patton held up his right hand and looked at the drying polish. "It's so pretty, you did a great job!"

"Of course I did!" Roman never broke his gaze away from Patton's hand, carefully tilting the fingers as he applied polish. "I'm a master artist of course!"

bzzt bzzt

Patton looked over at the coffee table next to him as his phone lit up just out of his reach as Roman still held his hand. He looked back over at his drying hand. "When did you learn how to paint nails?"

"When I was a kid, I loved doing my sisters' hair and nails. I got picked on for it but it made her happy, and eventually, I just stopped caring and did it on my own."

bzzt bzzt

Patton looked back at his phone as it lit up once more. He leaned over as he tried to read it before Roman tugged gently on his wrist. "Sorry, Roman!"

"It can wait a minute, Patton, I'm almost done!"

bzzt bzzt

"Oh, fine!" Roman sat up and reached for the phone, holding it up. "What's your password?"

"Hold on!" Patton leaned over and used his ring finger which Roman had yet to get to, typing in a few random numbers. "There!"

Roman clicked on Patton's phone as it lit up. "It's just Thomas, he sent some picture of a poster about..." Roman's brows furrowed and he pulled the phone in closer. His eyes lit up and he gasped, rereading it again and bouncing in his spot. "Oh my goodness, this is the most epic thing!"

"What? What is it?" Roman flipped the phone around, showing a closeup of a bulletin board at some store. It was filled with business cards and advertisements but was focused and centered on one in particular. Patton leaned in and squinted, keeping aware of his drying hands. "It's a poster about... Oh my goodness!" Patton perked up and looked at Roman. "You have a fan club!"

"I have a fan club! And apparently they meet every week to talk about how awesome I am!"

"They probably make cute little snacks and everything! Oh, I love those kinds of meetups! I never get to go to any!"

"Well, obviously we have to go!"

"Yes, oh my gosh that would be so cool! Wait, but..." Patton's frown fell a bit. "What if someone recognizes you? You probably shouldn't go."

"What, no! W-what if I wear a disguise?"

"Roman. They only know you while you wear a disguise." Roman groaned and his shoulders fell. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"No, you're right. I should be smart about this. Wait! That gives me an idea! You should go and bring Logan with you!"

"Not that I'm not on board, but why Logan?"

"Virgil will say no, and if he did go he'd just make snarky remarks all night. However, if Logan went, he'd be all smart and gather data and stuff. Besides, that nerd needs to get out way more!"

Roman placed Patton's phone back on the table and reached for his hand to continue his work. "You're right, that is a good idea! Oh, this is so exciting! It's like we're spies or something!"

"Spies helping a hero help the people! I must know what they talk about when they gather! Now sit still or I'll ruin your nails, I'm almost done!"

"Sorry!"

With a bit of convincing by both Roman and Patton, Logan found himself walking into a cafe one night with Patton, totally uninterested and wondering why he had agreed in the first place.

Patton raced ahead eagerly to the counter. "Come on, Lo! Let's get some snacks!" Logan sighed and slowly walked up, looking at the board of specials. "I'm still upset I didn't get to make anything."

"It is in a cafe, Patton, there would be no need to make snacks when they are provided." Logan gazed around the cafe, finding a group of tables pushed together in the far corner and two people sitting at it, talking amongst themselves. Both were fairly average height, one being a bit taller than the other. The shorter man had dyed his hair a light blonde, however. "Perhaps that is where we shall be gathering?"

"Oh, let's find out!"

"Patton, you haven't ordered you--and he's gone." Logan rubbed his eyes briefly before walking over, wondering why he agreed to come out at all.

"Logan, you were right!" Patton spun around. "These are the people who started this little club!"

"Kind of surprised you showed up so early, to be honest. We just got here."

Logan adjusted his glasses and stared the two men down curiously. "Punctuality is important."

Patton smiled and shrugged at the two. "I was just really excited!"

"Well, it's nice to see some new faces around here! My name's Sam!"

"I'm Patton, and this is my roommate Logan!"

"Salutations." Despite his slightly sour mood, Logan gave a kind smile out of courtesy.

"My name is also Sam." The other, shorter blonde man said. "I know, and yes, it's confusing, but people call me Sammy."

"Well, it's nice to meet ya!"

"I must ask, what caused you to create such a frivolous group?"

The two looked confused at the word choice but chose to ignore it. "Well, isn't it obvious? The guy is a walking comic book hero." Sam shrugged.

Sammy rolled his eyes. "I keep telling you, he's more like a cartoon prince than something out of a comic book."

"Hey, we don't know his backstory! We don't know if he's a Peter Parker or a Clark Kent!"

"I understand none of these references, remind me to talk to Virgil when we arrive back home." Patton nodded, looking at the two Sams' as they debated with each other. Logan tugged on Patton's sleeve and gestured back to the counter, where Patton got a muffin and a cocoa and bought one for Logan despite the complaints. The successful smirk on Patton's face when Logan took a sip and seemed to enjoy his drink was enough to show that Logan wasn't actually upset.

They returned to the table and took their seats as only a few other people ended up joining them.

The taller Sam stood up and smiled. "Alright everyone, let's get this started. We have some new folks here, so let's just quickly go over why we are here."

Sammy stood up this time. "We seem to have a superhuman being in our city, running around at night and stopping crimes. We go over the reports and news over the past week and continue to discuss if he is an asset or a threat to the city."

"Also we still don't have a name for him." Someone mumbled.

"Hey, I offered Mister Doctor Electricon!"

"Electricon?" Logan mumbled to himself. "That's not even a thing. A name for a convention about electronics perhaps..."

"I still vote Tuxedo Mask!"

"He doesn't even wear a tuxedo, and not original!"

"I thought he was just... The Prince?" Patton asked, confused.

"No, we can't call him that," Sammy replied. "There's already a celebrity named Prince, it won't work."

"I'm still up for calling him Prince Harming if he ever turns evil!" A man called out.

"Evil?" Patton cried out. "B-but he's helping people and stopping them and-and... why would he turn evil?"

"Evil is merely a concept given by society to justify-" Logan watched as Patton became physically more upset with his words. "... if the news reports he is bad, then people will believe it and make him seem bad."

"He's not bad though!"

"Patton?" Sam leaned in over the table. "Have you met him?"

Patton looked around the table, all eyes eagerly awaiting his next words. He bit his lip, not wanting to lie but telling the truth certainly was out. He stared down at his pastel blue nails. "Kinda?"

"Our roommate Virgil has had an experience with this... vigilante I believe would be the best word to describe him?" Patton smiled at Logan as he took the attention of the group. "The store he works at has a break in, but they were chased off pretty quickly based on security footage, assuring our roommate's job and safety."

"Woah, that's so cool."

"Which store was that, was it in the news?"

"Did he get to see the guy?"

The two jumped in surprise as the questions came flying out.

"They say he doesn't use a taser, but actually can control electricity!"

"Oh, he can!" Patton cried out before catching his mistake. "I-I mean... the footage was kinda static-y but he definitely just shot out a bolt to scare the guys away!"

"Oh, I wonder if it got all fuzzy because of his powers?" Sam cried out. "That would make sense!"

"I suppose an electromagnetic field created by such energy would distort the footage, yes," Logan replied, deep in thought. "I had thought of that myself when I saw the footage."

"You saw it?" Sammy practically jumped over the table. "Do you have it? Can we see?"

"Well, Virgil had it, but I don't know if he still does..." Patton shifted in his seat. Virgil was pretty paranoid, while he did have a copy of the footage, he probably had gotten rid of it by now. "He's not very social, which is why we came."

"You have to bring him next week, this is so cool! He's the only other person we know who's seen the guy!"

"Really?" Logan perked up. "You know someone else who has?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't show up here every week. She's kinda hoping we find him so she can thank him." Sammy shrugged.

"Thank him?" Logan questioned.

"Yeah, from his first ever news reporting, it's the woman who was mugged and assaulted before he came out of nowhere and saved her." Logan and Patton stared at each other in shock at the news. "She was in the hospital the day after but she swears she'd be dead without him. She's been searching for him since. Calls him Prince Charming."

"More like Prince Charging, am I right?" Patton joked. "Because of his static 'charm'."

"Patton, please," Logan swears he felt a headache form because of the joke.

"Prince Charging, how is that the best name we've come up with so far?"

"Patton!" Sam stood up. "I want to thank you, I think we have a name! I don't care if the news doesn't use it, it's better then what they have been calling him."

Logan huffed out a laugh at that, having heard Roman complain about the name numerous times. "The Masked Prince," Roman said it made him feel too much like the Phantom of the Opera. While he appreciated the reference, it was terribly bland and unoriginal.

"So, tell us more." Patton leaned in. "What else have you all heard about this guy?"

"So, I heard the other night, he stopped two guys trying to break into this car..."

----

Patton hummed cheerfully as he drank his cocoa he grabbed before he left, despite Logan's protests. While Patton happily marched on, Logan had his hands shoved into his pockets and walked along silently.

"Well, that was a fun night, huh?" Patton broke the silence, glancing over at Logan. Logan responded with a soft grunt in agreement as he walked along. "Did you not have fun?"

"It was an experience and we did learn a bit from it I suppose."

"So you didn't have fun." Logan saw Patton's smile drop a bit and he straightened out bis back, not realizing how much he had been hunched over.

"No, it was fun, I apologize for my sour mood." Patton still had that look on his face, silently wanting to ask but refusing to let himself push for information. "I suppose it was not what I had in mind when you asked me to join you at a cafe tonight."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't clear about the whole Roman fan club thing, huh?"

"It was a learning experience and I am all for learning new things. Everyone's been telling me to be more social."

They walked along in silence, Patton no longer humming and Logan was regretting saying anything, already missing the distracting sound. "So." Logan looked over at Patton who stared down at his styrofoam cup. "What did you have in mind when I asked you to join me?"

His mind flashed back to his talk with Virgil, about the perfect day he imagined with each of them. Roman's had been interesting, watching Roman play out Logan's favorite scenes from movies and talking about possibilities behind certain meetings. Virgil's had been sitting there discussing theories and possibilities about their abilities and other things, Virgil even mentioning how he had been wanting to show Logan conspiracy theories they could talk about, but Patton...

He couldn't imagine anything because simply sitting down in a quiet cafe and talking, doing nothing special, was more than enough for him. He remembered telling that to Virgil, his eyes still shut. He remembered Virgil asking how it made him feel, but then Patton and Roman walked in, breaking his attention before he could speak. It didn't make sense, it was illogical, it was a feeling he had felt something similar to in the past but nothing quite fit. He felt...

"Aww, come on, tell me!" Patton perked up, hopping up and down. "Whatever you're thinking of, it's making you all happy and junk, I can feel it!"

Logan had nearly forgotten Patton was an empath.

"Simply a night talking with you in a warm environment would have been enough, Patton. I just didn't expect the conversation to be about Roman."

"Oh." Logan had immediately regretted his decision to be truthful. "Ohh, I get it." Patton stopped walking and started smiling brightly. "It makes so much sense, it's all over your face!" Logan reflexively reached up and touched his cheek, feeling how warm it was, wondering how badly red his face might be. Patton leaned in, smiling even brighter and Logan could hear his heart beating as he leaned back slightly. "You have a crush."

"What?!"

"I can tell, you have a crush!" He had a crush? No, not possible. Logan had dated in the past, surely he had felt something like this before? Not quite like this, though. His mind raced, thinking back to every time someone had approached him, every date he went on, every failed attempt at romance in his life... Logan had never once approached someone himself, they had all come to him. He stared back at Patton with the new information in his mind, was it possible? Patton, who stared back at his eyes shined bright with the new information. Who always went out of his way to make sure Logan spent some time every day out of his room and sometimes out of the apartment for his health. Who cleverly tricked Logan and took him to an arboretum, his favorite place in the city, to talk to Logan about something Patton felt unsure and a bit insecure about? Who cared enough to use his empath ability to try and help Logan understand his emotions better?

Who wouldn't stop smiling at him right now?

"M-maybe... I am unsure as of right now." He muttered out quietly.

"I know who it is," Patton whispered back. Logan suddenly became aware he had been leaning away and accepted his fate. If anyone knew emotions, it would be the person who wore them on their sleeve every day proudly like Patton did. He stood up, bringing himself closer, accepting his new fate. He quickly took in a breath and closed his eyes, before nodding slightly, giving Patton permission to speak. "It's Roman, isn't it?"

"Yes-wait." Logan looked at Patton who brought his hands up to cover his face. "No, no it's not!"

"Yes it is, you just admitted it! Oh, that's why you didn't want to sit there talking about him!" Patton reached over and pulled at Logan's arm. "You could have told me, I can help! Oh, this is so cute! I can get him to join us and then have Two call me and duck out and leave you two lovebirds alone!"

"Patton, I do not harbor romantic feelings for Roman."

"Logan, I know these feelings can be a bit scary but-"

"Patton!" Patton was shocked by the rise in his voice, and Logan was a bit surprised himself. He sighed and took his arm out of Patton's grip, reaching out and grabbing Patton's hand. He placed it on his chest and stared him down intently. "You can feel emotions. Do you feel what I feel when I think of Roman?"

Patton looked up sheepishly at Logan and let his eyes fall down to his hand. He focused and smirked up, shy and soft as he spoke. "You know I don't need to be touching you to feel your emotions, right?"

Logan jumped and pulled back, his face flush once more. He quickly spun around and started walking down the street, continuing their trek back to their apartment. Patton quickly jogged up, walking in step with Logan once again, staring back down at his almost forgotten hot cocoa.

"I'm sorry about that, Patton."

"No, I get it. You said you weren't sure and I just got all excited and jumped to conclusions."

"I don't think of Roman romantically."

"Yeah, I get that. You don't have to tell me, just know that I'm here for you."

They walked silently as cars flew by, the bustle of the city the only noise. "I shall continue understanding my emotions-"

"Lo." Logan hesitated before sparing a glance over at Patton. He was bitting his lip, battling himself and planning his next words carefully. "You're good at understanding your emotions, you just don't know how to express them. I mean, no one is perfect at understanding them, sometimes they just contradict each other and make no sense!"

Logan let out a quick laugh and shook his head. "Truer words have never been spoken I'm sure."

Patton jogged ahead and spun around, facing Logan. "Well, when you do understand them, I will be supportive of whomever it is! You can count on me!"

Patton spun back around and continued walking as Logan's gaze turned to the sidewalk. Wondering why he had decided against telling Patton, before his head filled with a million reasons why he will never say a word about his crush on anyone else. Patton had been supportive, he had been eager to help, he had... not even considered himself to be an option, to be in a relationship with Logan. He wasn't going to ruin something so precious for something so selfish.

---

Patton and Logan were hardly in the door before Roman came charging up from the couch where he had undoubtedly planted himself when they had left.

"So? Do they love me? How did it go? TELL ME EVERYTHING!"

"Woah, Roman, you're at a Twelve, I need you to settle down to a six, buddy. We're just walking in the door." Logan quickly squeezed through and headed to his room. "You okay?"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder, a small smirk on his face. "I just spent the night talking about Roman, why would I want to subject myself to that torture further?"

Roman gasped loudly as he watched Logan turn and walk out of the room. He spun to Patton and huffed in annoyance. "I don't see how bad it could be. You just spent all that time talking about how awesome I am!"

Patton laughed and put a hand on Roman's back. "Sit, I've got so many cool things to tell you!"

---

"So, how was it?"

Patton smiled over at Thomas before turning back to the field, watching the dogs run around. It had quickly turned into their meet-up spot and neither of them complained.

"Roman was so excited! Honestly, it was so cool to hear people talk about him from an outside perspective, you know? Oh, and the first person he protected sometimes shows up because she wants to thank him, isn't that super sweet?" They turned from the field and started walking out of the park and down the street. "I'm so glad you were okay with meeting up with him."

Thomas shrugged and smirked a bit. "Hey, you all have been very accepting of how badly I've been handling all of this."

"We had to live with it every day, you have the choice to kind of be normal."

"Yeah, but being normal is boring. Besides, then I wouldn't get to know you guys better." Thomas saw Roman standing and waiting just outside the park a bit. He looked over and perked up immediately at seeing them, dramatically posing and causing Thomas to shake his head at his antics. "You guys definitely are quite the characters, huh?"

"Thomas, it's been a while." Roman smiled, reaching his hand out for a shake before quickly sticking it in his pocket. "How have things been?"

"Dull and boring. How's the superhero life?"

"Surprisingly repetitive after a while, though I must say." Roman flexed an arm a bit. "It's the best workout."

"I hear intense fear and panic is a good motivator." Thomas chuckled.

"Aww, that's something Virgil would say." Patton cooed, chuckling to himself.

"Yes, I must admit, you fit into our group of misfits quite well."

Thomas smiled as they continued walking down the street. "So, what did you guys wanna talk to me about? Seemed kind of serious."

Patton forced a smile and looked up at Roman who grew serious. "Thomas, I apologize, but we are willing to tell you only what you want to hear. At any moment, you can walk away from this."

Thomas stopped walking and held up his hands defensively. "Okay. Is everything alright, because I'm worried now."

"There was... an incident a while back."

Thomas looked at Roman before flickering his eyes to Patton, neither comfortable with continuing. "What kind of incident?"

Patton cleared his throat a bit. "Do you remember Virgil's powers?"

Thomas thought back before shaking his head slightly. "Time-space powers or something?"

"He can freeze time," Roman spoke up. "When he does so, the last thought he had will create a portal to that place where he broke away from."

Thomas nodded in understanding, shoving his hands into his pockets. "And?"

"He kinda had... a panic attack last week."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Roman rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away. "He broke away from time when he did."

Thomas looked at the two as they looked away ashamed. He contemplated just walking away and leaving this headache alone, but ultimately perked up. "Is Virgil okay? Did something go wrong?"

"Virgil is just fine, if not with a bit of a wounded pride, I suppose." Roman sighed and perked up, staring Thomas down with determination. "This next part is a bit intense, however." Thomas made no move to stop Roman from talking. "It seems, in his terrible mental state, we aren't quite sure where his portal led. However a, uh, creature I guess... kind of slithered out."

"A creature."

"Yeah."

Thomas bit his bottom lip and tried to muffle his panic. "So what does it do? You said this happened a while ago, where is it?"

Patton looked over and Roman and shrugged. "We aren't quite sure actually." He spoke slowly. "It kind of ran off after Roman trapped it in a cooking pot and threw it out the window."

"You threw it out the window?"

"I was panicking, okay, and my instincts told me to get rid of it so I did!" Roman shouted in his defense.

"Oh, Thomas, it was terrible! My poor pot, it never stood a chance! It ate away at it and broke free!"

"Wait-"

"I told you, Patton, I'm sorry! I'll get you a new one with my next check!"

"Guys-"

"No, you don't have to, Roman! That thing should buy me a new one, they were the one to ruin it!"

"Could you just-"

"I doubt the thing got a job while it's been out, Patton."

"Really, can I-"

"You don't know! None of us know, it just vanished!"

"Guys!" Roman and Patton turned to Thomas as he shouted. He held up his hands and sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout but you weren't listening. You just kept yelling at each other." He looked back up at the two after a moment. "So, this thing appeared and got thrown out a window and you haven't seen it since?"

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"Okay then. So, what did it look like?"

Patton shrugged and pointed at Roman. "He was the only one who saw it."

"It was like a dark cloud. Snake. Thing." Thomas waited before nodding, rubbing his eyes for a minute.

"Okay, well. I suddenly could go for some pizza, what do you say?"

Patton quickly pulled out his phone and searched for the nearest pizzeria nearby. Thomas was tense at first, upset by the news no doubt until Roman started belting out a few musicals. Thomas, also being a fan of theater, couldn't help himself and Patton got a lovely chorus of music while they ate. They all relaxed and chatted and finished an entire pie by themselves, joking and laughing the whole time. Thomas even accidentally touched Roman's hand and sent a spark flying out, where they quickly paid and abandoned the place before bursting out into giggles and laughter.

While he still didn't understand his abilities, Thomas didn't seem to be too afraid of them anymore. They walked Thomas to his bus stop since it had started to get dark out, discussing plans to meet up once again before Roman subtly grabbed Patton's wrist and tugged him in a different direction. Thomas, lost in his conversation, didn't even notice and kept talking while Roman kept quiet.

After a block, Thomas raised a question about where they are, only to be quickly shushed by Roman. They all shared looks and he leaned in. "We're being followed."

They both turned and looked, spotting a man in a jacket and jeans walking behind them in a bit of a daze. "Are you sure?"

"It's been a while and I started focusing on negative energy like I do when I'm trying to find criminals. It's not giving me the same vibes but they're letting off something weird." Roman walked them into an alley he knew let out around a corner, ducking in with his friends quickly. As the figure followed and made no attempt to stop them, Roman's patience wore out and he stopped at the opening to the end of the alley that led into the street. "Okay, friend. I know you've been following us, what do you want?"

The man stopped and looked up at Roman before smiling. "It's you." Roman jumped a bit but hid it with a confused expression. "It's you."

"I'm afraid you may have mistaken me for someone else. To who are you referring?"

"It's you!" He cried out, approaching slowly.

Patton reached out and grabbed Roman's arm and tugged it a bit. "I don't like this, Ro, we should just leave."

Roman took a confident step forward and puffed out his chest. "Who are you and what do you want?"

The man smiled and tilted his head back, dropping his jaw. Patton covered his mouth and Thomas grimaced, looking away completely. Roman watched as a near black mass made it's way out of the man's mouth before he dropped to the ground completely, the mass sitting in the air. "I-is that..." Patton muttered behind his hands. Thomas slowly looked back and gasped at the creature in the air.

"Yes, it is, Pat. Looks like it's been looking for me."

"It was inside of the guy?" Thomas quickly covered his mouth with his hands, hoping to prevent the same fate.

Roman didn't bother to look around before his hands lit up in sparks. "Patton, take Thomas and go."

"Wait, no, you're coming too!"

"I'm stopping this thing once and for all!"

Roman brought his hands close, trying something new he hadn't gotten to use yet. Slowly he pulled his hands apart, an electrical net forming between his fingers. He grabbed the sides and ran up, tossing it at the creature.

As he approached, the sound of static increased as it emanated from the monster. Roman watched the net land on it and he held his breath, swearing as it slowly fell through the monster, disappearing as it hit the ground.

Roman felt his arm being tugged back and risked a look, meeting eyes with Patton. He glanced up and saw four other Patton's standing there, one leading a panicked Thomas away as they ran, the others watching cautiously on.

"Roman, I know you're the hero, but we are going. Now!" A second Patton came up and they both tugged on his arms, causing him to run and flee. He turned back quickly and shot out a bolt, just to be sure, but grit his teeth as the creature remained unaffected.

They sprinted out the alley and the two Patton's let go, a flash of light behind Roman showing that either Patton made more or some formed back. He stopped and turned, realizing that meant the real Patton was still back there. "Patton!"

"I'm trying to distract it, go!"

Roman shook his head and ran up, tugging on Patton's arm. "You're a hypocritical idiot if you think I'm leaving you!"

Patton spun around and ran, looking up at Roman. "We can't leave, Three checked that guy and he isn't breathing!" Roman stopped and looked down at Patton in a panic. "Can't you do CPR or, I dunno, be a human defibrillator? We can't just let him die!"

"He could be dead for all we know, Patton, and we're next!"

"I-I want to try! If Virgil found out-!"

He'd blame himself.

"Fine!" Roman spun back around. "Distract it, I'll see if I can help!"

The smoke monster was hovering around a Patton Pal who had covered his mouth, preventing the thing from taking over, but it was determined and hadn't given up. Roman ran passed and slid on the ground, checking the man that had followed them. He listened for a heartbeat and took a deep breath as he pulled away. Roman held up his hands and closed his eyes, praying that this would work. He shocked the man and checked again, huffing and panicking as nothing changed. He did it once more and the man's eyes shot open as he gasped, spooking Roman who crawled back, giving him space. The man rolled to his side and started coughing as Roman smiled and laughed. He saved someone's life!

He froze as a cry ran out, turning and watching as Patton held his stomach and fell to his knees. He didn't know which one but he didn't care, watching his Patton's face fall into a near emotionless state before he gasped. There were only two other Pattons, one leaning against a wall, seemingly in pain while the other watched horrified.

The now possessed Patton looked up and glanced around before meeting Roman's eyes. He blinked and straightened up, slowly starting to smile. "It's you." It spoke in a soft whisper. "I've been looking for you."

Roman spared a quick glance to the poor fool who got roped into all of this, waking up to the middle of a mythical showdown completely confused couldn't have been fun. He looked back up at the not-quite-Patton and curled his fists, full of anger. "I've been looking for you too. Mind letting my friend go?"

"T-three." The Patton against the wall in pain cried out. "Let Three go!" He cried out again, starting to slide down the wall, glaring at the creature. "You're hurting him, and I'm not going to let you do that!"

"Fine, you want him, you can have him." He turned to Roman and smiled. "Deal?"

"What deal?" Roman stood up carefully. "What do you want?"

"Power. Which you have."

Roman froze, looking down at the ground before shutting his eyes. He looked back up and over at Patton, mind racing. 'If Logan or Virgil were here-' But they weren't and Roman had to think quickly on his feet. Amidst his panic, he saw movement and looked back over at the original Patton, watching him nod with a determined look. He spared a glance over at the creature possessing his copy and back at Roman, trying to tell him something.

His stomach dropped and he felt his throat tighten up before nodding back. "Okay." He whispered. "Okay, fine."

The creature huffed out a laugh before walking forward. Roman stared him down and took a few steps forward himself, meeting the creature half way. He raised his hand up for a formal handshake, causing the possessed Three to look in confusion before smiling and taking the hand himself.

Roman gripped the hand tightly and shut his eyes. "I'm sorry." He looked up and met the copy's eyes before biting his tongue. Roman grabbed the hand with both of his and squeezed his eyes shut, sparks slowly shooting out from his hands. The copy screamed out and tugged away but Roman knew he was stronger. "LET HIM GO OR YOU BOTH DIE, THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER!"

"Roman!" At the sound of his name, he looked up and over at the real Patton as he stared on in shock and terror. He looked back to Three and watched the creature finally threw his head back in an attempt to escape. Roman immediately stopped and pulled away, watching the smoke creature flee into the skies, disappearing once more.

Patton and his only other copy rushed over, checking on Three as Roman kept his distance, sick to his stomach at what he had just done. Patton watched, unable to touch Three, as the other leaned down and listened before smiling and looking up. "He's breathing!"

"Oh thank goodness!" Patton leaned down and Roman shot forward, grabbing his wrist.

"Patton, wait!" He looked over at the other, kneeling down to meet him at eye level. "He's hurt, we don't know how that will affect you."

"He could die if I don't, I'm not willing to risk it."

Roman nodded and let go, watching as Patton reached out and took in Three. He gasped in pain as the other Patton reflexively reached out, disappearing as well, leaving Roman to catch him and pull him close. Patton looked up and smiled a bit, his breathing already evening out.

"Sorry. The sudden pain was a surprise."

"Are you hurt?"

"No." Patton slowly pulled away and looked down at himself. "I'm a little sore but I'm okay."

"Good." Roman took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. "By the power of Zeus, Patton! You scared me there for a second!"

"Me? You looked like you gave up on the thing!"

"I am an actor!" Roman reached over and helped Patton stand up. "However, I think there are more important things. We know what it wants now, so we need to get a plan to capture it and get rid of it before it tries this again." Chapter 18>> Tag list: @cyberpunkjinx @phlying-squirrel @equipodeleo @ace-anx

#sanders sides #sander sides au #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #sander sides #superpower au #slice of life au #practicality fic

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pathetic-at-the-disco · 6 years

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The Tragic Love Life of Ryan Ross: Part 3 (Masterpost)

(Continued from Parts 1 and 2; click here to see all)

So, you may have heard about Keltie Colleen.

There is a lot of discourse on the Internet about the unfortunate former relationship between Ryan Ross and Keltie Colleen (now known as Keltie Knight), largely because of Keltie’s tell-all book, Rockettes, Rockstars, and Rockbottom, which she released only a year after their breakup. Is Ryan a terrible person? Is Keltie a terrible person? Who cheated on who? How does the Young Veins’ music play into everything? What about Ryan’s 21st birthday party? Who is really the victim here?

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

(Warning: Extremely long post ahead. Viewer discretion is advised.)

It’s late August in 2006. Panic! at the Disco’s hit single ”I Write Sins, Not Tragedies” has been nominated for several awards---Best Group Video, Best New Artist in a Video, Best Rock Video, Best Art Direction in a Video, and most impressively Video of the Year---at the MTV Video Music Awards. They are also scheduled to perform the song live as part of the show.

Keltie Colleen, a 24-year-old Canadian professional dancer, lands a coveted role as a backup dancer for a band that she has never heard of at the VMAs.

A few days before the show, all of the dancers have a rehearsal with the band present, as immortalized in this video:

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Keltie is the blonde dancer who starts talking at around 1:30.

This episode is also immortalized in Keltie’s book, Rockettes, Rockstars, and Rockbottom (referenced from now on as RRR):

“A few days before the show, the band came to Chelsea Studios and watched us rehearse. The lead singer’s pants were tight and he wore Reebok high-top sneakers, while the other three wore fancy, pointed-toe Beatle boots. They all looked about 14 years old, nervous to be a few feet away from the sexy dancers romping around to their music. They drank Starbucks on the floor while managers and bodyguards whizzed around them. Apparently, they were the new hot thing and everyone cared. I still hadn’t heard of them but exclaimed enthusiastically to an MTV cameraman that I was ‘sooooo excited’ to be dancing for them.” (RRR, p92)

One of the band members, the nearly 20-year-old Ryan Ross, was captivated by something in Keltie’s smile, and he had his band manager invite her to the VMA after party to get to know each other better. This first meeting at the dance rehearsal was also mentioned in Keltie’s 2009 interview with Dance Spirit magazine:

The couple met when Keltie was a backup dancer for the group at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards. “We were at rehearsal, and the band came to see the routine. This one guy was staring at me. It was awkward!” she says. (“For some reason she was the only one I even saw,” Ryan says. “Maybe it was her smile. Something caught my eye—and still does.”)

The VMA performance went off without a hitch, except for Brendon’s shaky vocals. Keltie is the blonde in the big feathered hat and dark lavender skirt.

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To make things even better for the band, Panic! at the Disco won the most prestigious award of the night, the Video of the Year.

At the after party, Ryan and Keltie really hit it off, and talked for a long time.

“Awkwardly, I approached the band at the bar. I said hello to the thin, frail, beautiful boy beside me... The boy looked uncomfortable with his newfound fame, which I found endearing.

From the moment we started talking, I felt connected to him. He was sweet and slightly odd, like a strange bird in the zoo you can’t help but stare at because you’ve never seen anything like it. Everything out of his mouth belonged in some wild romantic comedy filled with modern-day Romeos and beautiful love songs. He existed in the present but didn’t actually live here with the rest of us. He was a starry-eyed dreamer who created an entire world in his head. Instead of dealing with the not-so-magical situations in his life, his mind transformed to a place where he was happy. His dreams consisted of haunting melodies, men in fanciful 1800s suits and a blissful utopia where people fell deeply in love.” (RRR, p94)

Keltie soon became overwhelmed with what she was feeling and left the party after exchanging phone numbers. Ryan immediately began texting her, and invited her to join him in his hotel room. Keltie took him up on the offer, and they ordered room service and talked for hours. Their connection was undeniable, but Keltie still had some doubts---largely because she was still emotionally damaged by her volatile ex, Nick Perri (brother of Christina). Nevertheless, Keltie decided to see what could happen with Ryan.

“We were both out of our league for different reasons... What he didn’t realize is that I was a co-dependent perfectionist who would seduce, date, and fall in love with him without his consent. While we ate our ham and egg sandwiches, I wish I knew that we were at the start of a beautiful and ultimately tragic love story.” (RRR, p95)

They shared their first kiss early the next morning, after taking things to Keltie’s apartment and talking until 6:30am.

“...when he kissed me on the stoop of my apartment building, I never wanted it to end. We kissed as taxis surrounded us, store gates opened and professionals in suits rushed to work, but none of that mattered. It was the most perfect kiss I ever experienced. I had no idea if I would ever see him again, but for the moment, I reveled in the sweetness of our innocent kiss. I found everything I needed to know about him with that kiss. Words were useless. I knew it. He knew it. This was it.” (RRR, p96-97)

Ryan had to leave to go back to Las Vegas, but that didn’t stop the budding relationship. He and Keltie jumped into a frenetic pattern of texting constantly and visiting one another whenever either one could manage a few days away from their responsibilities. This is what Keltie has to say about the first several days on end that they spent together:

“Even with my exhausting schedule, I barely slept for the entire four days [Ryan] was in town. Being around him turned me into a silly 14-year-old girl. I felt a sense of camaraderie with the actual 14-year-old girls who screamed during his concert.

[Ryan] was staying at the W Hotel. We spent most of our evenings in bed, eating room service, talking about our lives and learning more about each other’s deepest, darkest places. We stayed under the safe haven of our blankets, sharing secrets. When he left to fly to Europe, I stayed in bed. The sheets smelled like him. He texted me on the way to the airport, ‘I think some butterflies just flew out of my mouth.’ I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, but I knew it was a good thing. Everything he said and did was artistic. He never said I was pretty, but instead compared my face to the night sky. Dating him was like being the ingenue of one of my favorite Broadway musicals. He spoke in the language of epic.” (RRR, p100-101)

During this time (fall of 2006), the boys of Panic! embarked on a tour of Europe, which made it even more difficult for Ryan and Keltie to see one another. Keltie was not to be deterred, though, and decided to spend her meager life savings to visit him in Brussels for Panic!��s October 20th concert. She also accompanied them to their show in London the following day and stayed with them on their tour bus. Apparently, their lifestyle was not as sophisticated as Keltie had hoped for, but she persevered.

“I watched the four boys eat leftover pizza and share a tiny one-room dressing room and the same dingy stall of a shower that wasn’t anywhere as glamorous or interesting as [their fans] assumed it was. To be honest, it was actually quite boring, and if it wasn’t for [Ryan]’s eyes staring back at me, I most likely would’ve fallen asleep.

As I boarded my plane home, I found a note inside my bag from [Ryan]: ‘Thank you for coming to visit me. You are such an amazing girl, and I keep finding out reasons why.’” (RRR, p103-104)

Soon after this trip, Ryan asked Keltie if she would officially be his girlfriend. She had some serious reservations because of how much she had been hurt in the past, but she ignored her gut and told him yes.

“We took a cab uptown to the hotel the band stayed at. It happened to be called The Dream. Ironic, since I was living out most girls’ fantasies by staying there with him. [Ryan] turned to me and asked, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ I stopped. I might have gagged. I really liked [Ryan], but I had such terrible luck with boyfriends. I loved being together without any rules or titles. I reached a point in my life where I expected everyone to break their promises to me and figured that if I stayed out of situations involving any, I wouldn’t get hurt. I was like a child who finally learned that if you stick your hand in the fire, you’re going to get burned. But lying beside his soft skin in that magical hotel, drenched in candle light and with the grumbling of Manhattan taxicabs as our soundtrack, I could only look in his little puppy dog eyes and say, ‘Yes.’ “(RRR, p106)

This moment is obviously romantic, but it is also highly disturbing how Keltie had so many reservations at the beginning of their relationship that she ignored. She knew that she would never truly understand Ryan and would ultimately break his heart, but this was not enough for her to call off their relationship. Keltie used Ryan for emotional fulfillment and validation, and rationalized it to herself as merely wanting to take care of him.

As you can imagine, when a relationship starts this badly, it only gets much worse with time.

But of course, Ryan had no idea that Keltie was not being honest with him. He was ecstatic to have a girlfriend---so happy, in fact, that he started talking about her in public at every possible opportunity.

One notable example is when he mentioned her in Rolling Stone magazine:

And here is a video interview from November 2006 where Ryan mentions that he has a girlfriend, starting at around 3:00.

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Both of these examples are also mentioned in Keltie’s book, in a larger passage about the unfortunate stereotyping that she faced from fans and the media:

“[Ryan] talked about me on television. Someone asked him what his favorite thing was about me and he answered live, in front of a huge audience, ‘She never gets jealous.’ He confirmed to the millions of teenage fans that he was taken. I think I was the only happy fan that day. What I didn’t know was that my life was about to be turned upside down by complete strangers, the power of the Internet and cruel gossip. I felt like the target of every girl in America who didn’t understand why [Ryan] chose to be with me. To others, I was a ditzy cheerleader trying to get ahead in the business. Really, I was someone affected, introspective and falling in love.

While walking down the New York City streets every day, his face greeted me from the covers of music magazines. I bought them all to support him. His Rolling Stone issue came out and in his interview, he said he was dating a ‘nice’ girl. I was in shock to even make it into the article.” (RRR, p108)

No one deserves to be faced with such misogyny and unfair scrutiny because of their choice of partner. And unfortunately, there was a great deal of both in the Panic! fandom of 2006. Keltie and Ryan’s relationship may have ultimately been a terrible decision on both their parts, but no one deserves to be treated that way by the public.

By this time, it was December, and since the “Nothing Rhymes With Circus” tour had just ended, Ryan spent Christmas in New York City with Keltie. There continued to be a startling inequality in their relationship, but they were nonetheless happy:

“During our Christmas holiday, we shuttled around New York in hats and mittens. We took pictures in front of the tree at Rockefeller Center. We rode a carriage through Central Park. We went ice skating. It was such a wonderful time and it seemed unfair to the rest of the world that the two of us should have everything. We robbed the bank of happiness and kept all of it for ourselves. I knew I deserved it. I knew he did too.

Away from our families, we ate Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas on my tiny television. On Christmas morning, [Ryan] presented me with a beautiful gold locket from the 1800s. On the outside, he had it inscribed with one word: love. It was stunning. I refused to take it off my neck for the next three years. I gifted [Ryan] with the book How to Sing for Dummies. At the time, he was so much more in love with me than I was with him. I chose to keep it light and funny, and he went right to the lovey-dovey stuff. I think he was so kind because he was never sure where he stood with me. I was so incredibly happy and told anyone but him.” (RRR, p110)

In February of 2007, they spent Valentine’s Day together at Ryan’s place in Las Vegas. Keltie was still being reticent about her feelings for him, but this would soon change after a dramatic turn of events:

“We spent Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas and decided to exchange love letters. I already knew how he felt about me because almost every minute of my day was filled with some sort of sweet message from him, but I was still so afraid to let [Ryan] know how I felt... But alas, Valentine’s Day came and we exchanged letters. His came to me on vintage card stock, pressed with a wax seal. The words of the letter were some of the sweetest I had ever heard, with statements about how he would never hurt me and how lucky he felt to be loved by me. How he would never hurt me.

Next I gave [Ryan] my present, a handcrafted memory box with pictures of us on the outside. I wanted to write so many things to him---that I was head over heels in love with him, that I was scared of him, that I was still reeling over my past heartbreak, that I would give up everything to spend my days with him---but I couldn’t bring myself to give away that much of my heart. So instead, I put a single piece of paper inside the box with three words: I love you.

The look of disappointment on [Ryan]’s face when he received his letter was devastating. I felt awful. I wished I could have given him what he wanted, all of me, but I didn’t have a whole me to give away. I was cautious to give away the little bit of my heart I had left...

On Valentine’s Day evening, after disappointing him with my small note, I grabbed my computer and wrote my love letter. I told him everything I knew I shouldn’t. I gave him my heart. I was completely honest, open, and vulnerable. I set the letter aside for him to read when I left the next morning to fly back to New York.” (RRR, p112-113)

The problem here is not that Keltie felt uncomfortable with expressing her feelings for Ryan, or that she was unsure if she truly loved him. The problem is that he could not read her mind, and she was not being honest or forthcoming with him. The ethical choice would have been not to get into a relationship while carrying so much emotional baggage, especially with someone so obviously vulnerable. Instead, Keltie strung Ryan along, accepted his gifts and affection, and never truly intended to reciprocate. The fact that she did eventually reciprocate despite her misgivings is an interesting point on its own.

February turned into March, Keltie stayed in New York, and Ryan packed his bags to leave for The Cabin™ with the guys, where they would all stay for two months.

This stint of seclusion brought the boys closer than ever before, and sparked a period of productivity. They wrote about half of an avant-garde album that was ultimately scrapped, and more importantly emerged as a solid, creative, and tightly-knit group.

It is also clear that Keltie was on Ryan’s mind during this separation, as these lyrics show:

Ryan felt like he was nowhere near as good as Keltie, that what she saw in him were just “hallucinations”, that he was “only reflecting [her] perfections”, that he was the “lucky” one. This is the first big example of Ryan’s codependency, specifically the idea that he was worthless and could not survive without her. Unfortunately, this became even worse over time.

Meanwhile, Keltie booked a prestigious gig as a backup dancer for Fergie. She texted Ryan about it a week in advance, but did not remind him at all. And when the big day rolled around, this happened:

“Backstage in costume, I was disappointed after checking and rechecking my phone to see I hadn’t received a good luck message from [Ryan]. What the rest of the world thought didn’t matter. If he was missing from the equation, I was sad, but I was sure he’d be watching.

I called him later that night, ecstatic after the heart-pounding performance. When I asked him if he saw it, he responded with, ‘See what?’ I was heartbroken. I reminded him about the Fergie performance earlier that night and he apologized, saying that he and his bandmates were busy working on a song.

This became the story of my entire summer. My star rose and fell at the same time because I could never find a way to be important enough to [Ryan]. I became an afterthought. I was on television for two and a half minutes that night and found it impossible to believe that whatever he was doing was so important that he couldn’t afford to step away for a few minutes.” (RRR, p117-118)

Keltie had begun to base her self worth on Ryan’s interest, which is extremely unhealthy. This also pitted her firmly against the other drain on his attention... Panic! at the Disco. Keltie began to resent his friends as an opponent, in a metaphorical game of tug-of-war over Ryan.

The couple began arguing all the time and growing more distant as Panic! grew closer and worked on Pretty. Odd. Keltie even began to worry that Ryan was being unfaithful, but she didn’t press the issue. Every time they would get into an argument, she would tell him what he was doing something wrong and he would give her an explanation. Keltie saw his reasons as disingenuous, and would accuse him of lying to her. Since we do not have access to Ryan’s direct thoughts on the matter, it is entirely possible that he was in fact being honest with her. Regardless, Keltie did not see it that way.

“We started fighting a lot and whenever I was angry, [Ryan] formulated a wonderfully brilliant excuse. He was a masterful storyteller. He once told me that he was so good at getting around things because he spent his entire life sneaking around behind his father’s strict, Catholic back. [Ryan] seemed innocent, but he was still capable of deceit. It was my fault for accepting lame excuses, but when the issues blew over and [Ryan] and I were good, we were so good that it instantly erased all of his wrongdoings.” (RRR, p119)

What we do have from Ryan is “Lie to the Truth” and “The Other Girl”, both of which address his accused dishonesty and ‘wrongdoings’. “The Other Girl” even includes this as the chorus:

You, you were right, I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are. You were right, I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are.

This seems like a response to Keltie’s behavior in the previous quote. Ryan got so used to being told that he was wrong that his apologies became rehearsed, a droning chorus of admitting that Keltie is always right and always knows better than he does.

These examples also show the disconnect in their relationship. What Keltie saw as Ryan being immature and dishonest, Ryan saw as Keltie nitpicking everything he did and expecting him to defer to her judgment. Their relationship became a strange play on teenage disobedience, with Keltie being the nagging mother and Ryan being the rebellious teen. This is not healthy for two adults in a romantic relationship.

Things became even worse when Ryan decided to adopt a dog, a cute little teacup beagle named Hobo.

He named her Hobo because she had an unstable life, which seems cute and funny when you watch this video:

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But if you picked up on Ryan’s undercurrent of bitterness as he describes Hobo occasionally going without food and smelling bad, there is a reason. Keltie touches upon this issue in her book:

“During a trip to Los Angeles to visit him, we fought in a friend’s kitchen after I found the puppy he recently purchased alone in the bathroom without any food or water, covered in her own feces. [Ryan] left for a meeting, and I stopped by to meet him at the friend’s house, not knowing he wouldn’t be there.

When he returned hours later with red eyes and lame excuses, I was angry. Not only for treating me like garbage, but for the puppy too. I told him weeks prior that getting a pet was a bad decision. But he wanted what he couldn’t have and bought the small beagle, and somehow thought in the middle of touring the world he would have time to be a dad to this little pup.

He told me her name was Hobo, put her in my arms and introduced me as her mommy. I instantly fell in love with her and became more protective of her than I was of my own heart. At the end of the fight, I was in tears holding the shaking puppy in my hands. [Ryan] turned to me and said, ‘I cannot fix this right now.’ I left, driving down the winding roads of the Hollywood Hills to stay with a friend...

Something in [Ryan] changed. His mind and lungs were polluted. I wasn’t angry anymore, just sad for him... I thought I could protect him so he would stay the sweet and sincere boy I fell in love with forever. Los Angeles had a different plan." (RRR, p119-120)

Things had, in fact, changed. Ryan was at the same time closer than ever with his friends to the point of seeing them every day, and yet more codependent than ever with Keltie.

Complicating matters even further, as touched upon briefly in the previous quote, Ryan and the other members of Panic! at the Disco had begun experimenting with drugs, particularly marijuana. Keltie was upset, but not from being anti-drug use. Her ex, Nick Perri, had been a raging alcoholic with a cocaine addiction to boot, and it never deterred Keltie at all (you can read about that in the first quarter or so of her book). Rather, she was upset because it meant that her grip on Ryan was loosening. An entire side of him was beginning to reveal itself, and Keltie had no part in it. It was also a concrete marker of Ryan spending time with his friends, and not with her.

Ryan reflected on these changes in his life, and it all made its way into the song aptly titled “That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)”, ‘that green gentleman’ being slang for marijuana. In these lyrics, Ryan muses about how he never expected to become the person he had grown into, but how he was okay with the way everything had turned out:

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd, Little deaths in musical beds. So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met.

...

Things have changed for me, and that’s okay. I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say, Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.

This is a stark contrast from how Keltie felt on the matter. She made it abundantly clear to him (and everyone else, through her book) that she was decidedly not okay with everything. Ryan literally had to write and perform a song with his friends to reassure himself that he was fine, because his significant other was always hounding him about his life choices.

Nevertheless, Keltie continued to be on his mind when they were apart. He saw everything beautiful around him as a reflection and extension of her---her dancing, her laughter, her love. And despite Keltie’s hatred and disapproval of his new marijuana habit, he even saw her in the smoke swirling up from his cigarettes. All of this made its way into a surprisingly romantic verse of “The Piano Knows Something I Don’t Know”, which he wrote around this time:

She’s the smoke. She’s dancing fancy pirouettes, Swan-diving off of the deep end Of my tragic cigarette. She’s steam, Laughing on a windowpane, The never-ending swaying haze. Oh, that ever-smiling maze, Oh, that ever-smiling maze, Ballet.

At the end of the summer, Ryan turned 21. To start the day, Keltie booked a romantic photo shoot with a photographer named Amy Dunn. (The second picture in this post is, in fact, from this same photo shoot.)

That night, Keltie also threw him a surprise birthday party at Pete Wentz’s club in New York City, Angels & Kings. She decorated the club with embarrassing pictures of his teen years and encouraged guests to wear t-shirts with an unflattering photo of Ryan on them. She also notably did not invite Jon Walker, one of Ryan’s closest friends, despite the fact that he was old enough to attend.

At one point, Keltie did a dramatic costume change and popped out of a giant gift box wearing a tiara and an ‘R’ necklace.

The birthday cake also had an embarrassing picture of 13-year-old Ryan on it.

To say that Ryan looks unhappy in most of the pictures from his birthday is an understatement. The whole thing was so far from what he would have wanted that it is astounding that Keltie made such a misstep. Something was seriously wrong with their relationship, and Keltie throwing a tone-deaf birthday party where she didn’t even invite his best friends only made things worse.

Some of Ryan’s doubts worked their way into “From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins”. He described how his relationship had turned cruel and meaningless, caught in destructive patterns. It also hints that Keltie may have been threatening to leave him, and that Ryan just wanted her to make a decision:

Go spin circles for me, Wound relentlessly Around the words we used to sling. Oh, such torturous things, Always chewing up the only ones I ever mean. If you're going, then go. Go, go, go.

Even so, as was the pattern in their relationship, they soldiered on. Ryan and his friends finished recording Pretty. Odd. a few months later and Keltie began having lucid nightmares that Ryan was cheating on her---and despite everything, they could not wait to spend Christmas together and be happy again. They even went on a Caribbean vacation:

“[Ryan] and I decided to take our first vacation together. We went far away to the Caribbean islands where no one could bother us. We were surrounded by sunshine, beautiful beaches and limitless fruity drinks. It was amazing to spend time with our cell phones off and without being bothered for hours. [Ryan] took his guitar down to the beach each day and we stared at the ocean, talking about our dreams and goals for the next year with the strum of a million melodies in his head, floating in the breeze.

We ate our faces off. We drank our faces off. We won something like 62,000 pesos playing blackjack while we were so drunk, we couldn’t stand up straight. At some point, we lost it all but we didn’t care. We stumbled home arm-in-arm through the dimly lit, cobblestone pathways of the resort. When [Ryan] and I were allowed to be us, without any of the pressures or distractions from the world, we were the best of everything. The best of friends. The best of crazies. The best of lovers.” (RRR, p123-124)

Keltie had begun to feel the pressures of their respective careers. She wedged herself into a position of control over Ryan’s musical career to the point where she took credit for several things to do with Pretty. Odd., including the line “Reinvent love” (apparently she is not familiar with Arthur Rimbaud), the title of "Pas de Cheval" (which references a ballet move), and the Russian stacking dolls in the music video for “That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)”.

In return, Ryan supported her dancing career, spent time with her friends, and bought all of her plane tickets. Keltie continued to take a strangely maternal role in his life, but both of them were too entrenched in their mutual codependency to care:

“We were a team and what was mine was his. For all the times I helped [Ryan] out, he watched me practice for an upcoming Broadway audition. He bought me flights to New York and back so I could attend a one-in-a-million chance audition. He listened to me babble incessantly about all the things I wanted to accomplish. Whenever he went away, he brought back little tokens of love---earrings from Prague, postcards from Amsterdam, a stuffed animal from Australia. He wrote love song after love song for me. Things I said or did would constantly show up in his lyrics. I was a muse for him. A mother for him. And during the times we actually slept in the same bed, a woman.” (RRR, p125-126)

Ryan had also become increasingly dependent on Keltie taking care of him, as shown in this extremely rude 2008 interview with Kerrang!:

Keltie also acknowledges this strange role she took in Ryan’s life, how she continued to infantilize her adult boyfriend:

“I was a girlfriend and a taskmaster. I kept him focused, and I sewed his clothes and managed his calendar. I made sure someone came to clean the house. I did his laundry, I paid his bills on time, and I paid my bills on time but for a completely different address. I called his family with updates and sent birthday cards when necessary. I did this because I loved him and he needed help. I did this because it was only after all these things were taken care of, that [Ryan] and I could snuggle up and just be ‘us.’” (RRR, p126)

Their relationship soon faced another trial. After over a year of Keltie accusing Ryan of not taking their relationship seriously, he asked her to move in with him and even proposed marriage, thus proving both his commitment and his New Year’s resolution to better himself. Keltie refused, but also made a series of false promises whereby she would move in with him. Every time, Ryan would do exactly as she asked, and Keltie would not follow through on her end. She simply did not take him seriously, and Ryan naively tried and tried to do what she wanted:

“[Ryan] asked me to move to Las Vegas, and I declined. He placed a ring on my finger and along with it, a million promises. We condo shopped and he bought the one I loved. We picked out wallpaper, drapes, bed sheets, art and countertops. He built me a giant, floor-to-ceiling bookcase with a ladder like in Beauty & The Beast because I said if he did, I would move in. He purchased a giant bathtub with claw feet and jets because I said if he did, I would move in. It was the running joke with our good friend and interior decorator. I could get him to buy a $5,000 bathtub, but I couldn’t get him to call me each night before he went to sleep.” (RRR, p126-127)

Then Pretty. Odd. was finally released on March 25, 2008. Ryan’s album dedication is partially addressed to Keltie, affectionately referred to as ‘Monkey’, and is startling in its self-deprecation:

Monkey for sorting me out and being amazing, beautiful and understanding of my impossible nature.

By this time, Ryan genuinely believed that he was damaged, unworthy, and unable to survive on his own. This preoccupation about being fundamentally unlovable and unstable even made its way into the chorus of “She Had the World”, sung thoughtfully in Ryan’s own soft voice.

But who could love me? I am out of my mind, Throwing a line out to sea To see if I can catch a dream.

Ryan understood on a certain level that Keltie didn’t really ‘get’ him, that “she didn’t even see [him]” because she was blinded by more important things. He also seems to have been considering breaking up with her, despite how giving and affectionate she was. If they were to break up, Ryan could only hope that his damage hadn’t transferred to her:

The sun was always in her eyes. She didn't even see me. But that girl had so much love, She'd want to kiss you all the time. Yeah, she'd want to kiss you all the time. She said she'd won the world at a carnival, But I'm sure I didn't ruin her, I just made her more interesting. I’m sure I didn’t ruin her, I just made her more interesting.

Tellingly, in a promotional interview for Pretty. Odd., Ryan refers to “She Had the World” as an “un-love song”---strange wording for something clearly inspired by his girlfriend.

Regardless, they did not break up. Even so, Keltie was very critical of both the album and Ryan’s career, and saw both as disappointments. Her career was looking up, since she had been accepted back into the Rockettes, and she began to see Ryan as a has-been:

“[The Rockettes and] I played many of the same arenas I followed [Ryan] to on his last tour. We performed to a sold-out crows, in arenas his band could only half-fill.

[Ryan] came out to visit me on tour. I happened to be on crutches after sustaining nerve damage in my leg. I was out of the show for five days, and I was unsure that I would ever dance again. Seeing my body fall apart made me cling to [Ryan] even more. In a random hotel room, with an ice bag on my leg, we talked about everything---the semi-flop of his last record, the fact that magazines weren’t calling anymore and the ups and downs of the tainted entertainment business. He said to me through tears, ‘You’re the only one who really knows me and the only person who really cares about me. Everyone else is nothing.’ I knew it was true. [Ryan]’s star was falling. I loved him anyway. I loved him more, I think.” (RRR, p128)

Then, months later, Keltie’s career had another break, since she was unexpectedly approached to be on the cover of Dance Spirit magazine. As part of the spread, she was interviewed, as was Ryan, and both of them apparently impressed all of the magazine’s editors with their cuteness.

Here is part of the interview, which was released in March of 2009:

Another pillar of support in Keltie’s life is her boyfriend, Ryan Ross. (Yes, the same Ryan Ross of the band Panic at the Disco!)... Although the two don’t get to see each other often since they both tour, they enjoy similar activities in their time off. “You wouldn’t guess it by looking at her, but she’s sort of a nerd, which is what I love about her and why I think we get along so well,” Ryan says. “We both like to sit around and read or watch the Discovery Channel.”

Having a famous boyfriend has its share of challenges, though. Since she started dating Ryan, numerous blogs, message board posts and videos have bad-mouthed Keltie. Old photos of her in revealing clothes, which she wore for previous dance and modeling jobs, were posted and scrutinized. “Sometimes I laugh it off, but some of it has affected me,” Keltie says. “It hurts when people say I’m not a good dancer or I’m using Ryan. No one deserves to hear bad things about themselves.” ...

Whether it’s as a role model, dancer or girlfriend, she proves to be just as genuine the second, third and one-hundredth time you meet her as the first. “Keltie is the most giving and positive person that I have ever met,” Ryan says. “She’s made me want to be more like her in that way.”

In February of 2009, Keltie finally decided to move in with Ryan (largely because she landed a dance contract in Las Vegas) and began making the necessary preparations. Right before the official move, they even went on a vacation together in Hawaii:

“The trip was incredible. We had the best time swimming with dolphins, watching huge turtles lay on the sandy beach, and taking our nightly walks to the hot tub. It was one of the best weeks of my life and I didn’t see a single sign of the doom on its way. [Ryan] stared at me directly in the eyes and told me how much he loved me, which seemed so heartfelt. I believed him. I believed that each year we got a little older and a little more of the growing pains of our lives together sorted themselves out. I believed we would be together forever.” (RRR, p135)

They even had a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day, filled with romance, childlike infatuation, and hope for the future:

“The night of Valentine’s Day, [Ryan] drove up from Los Angeles to spend the night with me. I moved all my stuff into his Vegas pad as I prepared to start my new job in a few days. Finally, after all our time apart, we were living together! He walked in the door with a giant flower arrangement and hugs and kisses for me. We got dressed up and he took me to a sold-out Billy Joel concert at the MGM.

We sat in the fifth row and held hands as we sung along to all the great tunes. When Billy played ‘She’s Got a Way’, [Ryan] held me close and whispered in my ear that the song was written for me. I blushed. That night on the way back to the car, we ran into one of his bandmates’ parents and talked on the street for a bit. I was amazed at the family we created through the intertwining of both of our worlds.

Worried that that we would have to stand in line for hours at valet, [Ryan] grabbed my hand and we ran giggling past all the 40-somethings at the concert, like kids in a schoolyard. We were both terrible runners and threatened to trip at any moment, but somehow we made it home that night, back into each other’s arms and back into bed. It was a perfect Valentine’s Day, one of the few we were actually able to spend together. We lay in bed that night, talking about how finally, everything worked out. We were both in the same city, working and happy with our sleeping dog between us. Perfection reached us and it was an unbelievable feeling.” (RRR, p135-136)

What happened the next morning is infamous: Keltie went through Ryan’s phone while cooking him breakfast, and found romantic messages from a young woman who appeared to be a waitress. Ryan had been cheating on Keltie, and Keltie was devastated:

“The day after Valentine’s Day, I cooked meat for the man I loved, without knowing he was seeing someone on the side, going to her house and sending late-night messages for weeks. My face flushed as I scrolled through the messages.

I honestly can’t and don’t want to remember what I saw that day, but the dates registered with me. I saw the date of my birthday two weeks before, the day I received two huge bundles of flowers while spending time with my family in Canada. He was with her on my birthday. I scrolled back farther and realized he texted her while we were on vacation in Hawaii. He sang me love songs on the beach while also thinking about some girl.

Some of the messages were about her getting off work. It seemed she was a waitress. My whole adult life I struggled to stay afloat and have an awesome career so I would never have to be a dancer/waitress and here he was, more interested in her. I was successful. I was in commercials, print advertisements, movies and music videos. None of it was enough. For him, this waitress, this random girl, was worth ruining everything.” (RRR, p137-138)

Even in the context of finding out that her boyfriend/fiance had been unfaithful, Keltie still could only conceptualize of things in relation to her career and material success.

Ryan later wrote a song about his experiences with getting caught cheating, “The Other Girl” by the Young Veins. Every line of that song is razor sharp and directed at Keltie. Ryan muses about why he could possibly want to be with another girl, and sarcastically cautions Keltie about not wasting her time worrying about him. It also includes the droning chorus of apologies that I referenced earlier.

Don’t wait around for love. You’re not what he’s thinking of When he’s with the other girl. Don’t bother waiting up, ‘cause he, He’s not where he’s supposed to be When he’s with the other girl, When he’s with the other girl.

You, you were right, I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are. You were right, And I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are.

Don't have much to say right now, ‘Cause I'm trying to figure out Why he's with the other girl. Life is not a fairy tale. They will send him straight to jail, Where he'll die and go to hell With the other girl, With the other girl.

You, you were right, I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are. You were right, I was wrong, Like I always am, And you always are.

This song may seem harsh, but Ryan had just endured almost three years of being made to believe that he was unworthy and that he could only successfully exist under Keltie’s control. He had to seize his own freedom like a rebellious teenager, the underhandedness of which didn’t bother him because she would believe he was in the wrong no matter what. This is unhealthy and they were both better off without each other.

It is undeniably wrong that Ryan cheated on Keltie, but I personally believe that infidelity is a symptom of a broken relationship rather than the cause. And that is especially true here. Their relationship was doomed from the start, mired in codependency and stressed by the pressures of the world. Ryan was clearly not getting something he needed from Keltie, and spending one perfect Valentine’s Day together would not fix all of their problems.

The real tragedy here is that neither one of them were mature enough to realize this and break things off. It would have saved them both a great deal of time and unnecessary heartbreak if Keltie had been honest with him from the beginning.

Ryan eventually came to recognize this, and it found its way into the lyrics of “Defiance” by the Young Veins. He muses about being vulnerable to emotionally manipulative people, how Keltie pursued him despite believing that she could never truly love again, and how he came to realize that rebelling against her control was more enjoyable than being in a relationship with her:

From the outside looking in, I sure did make an easy target. It’s nice to think that you were always Wanted. ... Yet she said it was rust and lead, That love could never live again, But they found a way to make it stay.

...

And can’t we just be friends? This kind of thing always happens. I fell in love again With defiance.

Ryan realized that their relationship would have never truly worked out as long as Keltie was in love with Nick Perri. The reason that her heart had been too damaged to fall for Ryan completely is that she still wanted to be with her ex. She was emotionally cheating on Ryan from the beginning, and he could never live up to that. This is even the subject of the Young Veins’ song “Lie to the Truth”:

When I started out Writing you this song, I was heels over head in love, But you had your doubts, Because it took too long To finally see what I, What I'd been doing wrong.

I tried to love you, but You still loved him, so I'll ignore my heart and lie to the truth. I'll lie to the truth.

A love of mine once said, "The best part about you Was me," so now who Is judging who? I know I broke your heart. Mine is broken too. Now if we're even, Then why are we both blue?

I tried to be true, but You still love him, so I’ll lie in silence and Feel like a fool. I’ll lie to the truth.

I think that I have had enough, I guess that I have had enough Of you. I think that I have had enough, I know I’m tired and had enough Of you.

We tried to be true, but You still loved him, so I'll keep my distance And lie to the truth. I’ll lie to the truth. I’ll lie to the truth, ‘Cause you lied to it too.

This song also draws on both how Keltie would accuse repeatedly Ryan of lying (just see how many times the word “lie” appears) and how she degraded his self-confidence to boost her own (”the best part about you was me”). In these lyrics, Ryan basically says, “My love for you was the truth. You lied to me, I tried my best anyway, and nothing was enough. What else could I do?”

After their breakup, Ryan began spending more time with his band. He even briefly moved in with Brendon and Spencer, and then went camping with Jon. His friends had officially won the battle for Ryan’s attention, but this was unfortunately not to last for long. Here are some pictures of Ryan from late February 2009, originally posted to his and Jon’s Tumblr, weresoblogging.

Keltie tried repeatedly to get back together with Ryan (Ryan similarly tried to win her back a couple times), and also sadistically wanted to see him suffer. She started a smear campaign on her blog, highkicksandhighhopes, to turn his fans against him, and made a show of tweeting about him at the least provocation.

And unfortunately, her efforts paid off. If you ever see Livejournal posts or general fan discourse from 2009, it was widely believed in the Panic fandom that Ryan was just a terrible person who was probably addicted to multiple drugs and was a serial user of women. The fans were only getting one angry, miserable side of the story, and they unfairly judged Ryan based on what little they knew. This is even probably a large component of why the Young Veins did not see much success, since Keltie had alienated many of Ryan’s fans against him and the rest became angry about Panic’s split (which seemed to confirm to them that he was ruining his life). Well, at least Keltie finally had her wish for her doe-eyed dreamer to become a lonely has-been, and she couldn’t have been happier about it.

I hope that this ridiculously long post has helped you come to your own conclusions about everything. I’ve tried to stay as objective as possible, largely because the information we do have here is incredibly biased. Even so, the fact that Keltie is making money off a tell-all book that is half about Ryan and the intimate details of their relationship is ethically questionable, and more people need to realize that. She is clearly targeting Ryan’s fan base and trying to ruin his reputation, which he quite frankly does not deserve. It also demonstrates that Keltie did not recognize her own culpability, despite the lip service that she paid to it in passing.

Anyway, Ryan recovered from the breakup and shortly began seeing another pretty blonde, who Keltie immediately hated and began passive-aggressively tweeting about.

I’m talking about Kate Marie Thompson. Stay tuned for Ryan’s infamous pink suit!

CONTINUED IN PART 4

And here are all of the posts in this series!

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isitkpop · 6 years

Text

Unexplainable Emotion Game

So, I felt like creating a new kind of game that would spark up my K-Pop writing spirit. ~ Admin Chas

So, the way how this will go is almost the same as my other games. Pick an emotions and let me know what member OR ship you would like for me to write!

I do have limitations for groups that I will do For this game specifically. THis is because some of the groups that I have on my Masterlist, are groups that I still don’t fully know. So, I’m putting a group limit on here. Please choose a member OR ship from the groups below (the emotion list will be below also.)

It’s under the cut since it’s lonnnnnggg

Groups:

A.C.E

BlackPink

BTS

Day6

EXO

GOT7

Infinite

Seventeen

Emotions! (W/Definitions. There’s 40 to choose from xD)

Onism - n. the awareness of how little of the world you’ll experience. Imagine standing in front of the departures screen at an airport, flickering over with strange place names like other people’s passwords, each representing one more thing you’ll never get to see before you die—and all because, as the arrow on the map helpfully points out, you are here.

Mal de Coucou - n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends—people who you can trust, who you can be yourself with, who can help flush out the weird psychological toxins that tend to accumulate over time—which is a form of acute social malnutrition in which even if you devour an entire buffet of chitchat, you’ll still feel pangs of hunger.

Sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

Hanker Sore - adj. finding a person so attractive it actually kinda pisses you off.

Chrysalism - n. the amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm, listening to waves of rain pattering against the roof like an argument upstairs, whose muffled words are unintelligible but whose crackling release of built-up tension you understand perfectly.

Altschmerz - n. weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had—the same boring flaws and anxieties you’ve been gnawing on for years, which leaves them soggy and tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, ready to dig up some fresher pain you might have buried long ago.

Occhiolism - n. the awareness of the smallness of your perspective, by which you couldn’t possibly draw any meaningful conclusions at all, about the world or the past or the complexities of culture, because although your life is an epic and unrepeatable anecdote, it still only has a sample size of one, and may end up being the control for a much wilder experiment happening in the next room.

Ambedo - n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—briefly soaking in the experience of being alive, an act that is done purely for its own sake.

Nodus Tollens - n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.

Liberosis - n. the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone—rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick fleeting interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play.

Vemödalen - n. the frustration of photographing something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist—the same sunset, the same waterfall, the same curve of a hip, the same closeup of an eye—which can turn a unique subject into something hollow and pulpy and cheap, like a mass-produced piece of furniture you happen to have assembled yourself.

Kairosclerosis - n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste.

Vellichor - n. the strange wistfulness of used bookstores, which are somehow infused with the passage of time—filled with thousands of old books you’ll never have time to read, each of which is itself locked in its own era, bound and dated and papered over like an old room the author abandoned years ago, a hidden annex littered with thoughts left just as they were on the day they were captured.

Rückkehrunruhe - n. the feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness—to the extent you have to keep reminding yourself that it happened at all, even though it felt so vivid just days ago—which makes you wish you could smoothly cross-dissolve back into everyday life, or just hold the shutter open indefinitely and let one scene become superimposed on the next, so all your days would run together and you’d never have to call cut.

Nighthawk - n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night—an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future—that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can successfully ignore for weeks, only to feel its presence hovering outside the window, waiting for you to finish your coffee, passing the time by quietly building a nest.

Dead Reckoning - n. to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.

Pâro - n. the feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their chair and calling out helpfully, colder, colder, colder.

Midsummer - n. a feast celebrated on the day of your 26th birthday, which marks the point at which your youth finally expires as a valid excuse—when you must begin harvesting your crops, even if they’ve barely taken root—and the point at which the days will begin to feel shorter as they pass, until even the pollen in the air reminds you of the coming snow.

Adronitis - n. frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone—spending the first few weeks chatting in their psychological entryway, with each subsequent conversation like entering a different anteroom, each a little closer to the center of the house—wishing instead that you could start there and work your way out, exchanging your deepest secrets first, before easing into casualness, until you’ve built up enough mystery over the years to ask them where they’re from, and what they do for a living.

Rigor Samsa - n. a kind of psychological exoskeleton that can protect you from pain and contain your anxieties, but always ends up cracking under pressure or hollowed out by time—and will keep growing back again and again, until you develop a more sophisticated emotional structure, held up by a strong and flexible spine, built less like a fortress than a cluster of tree houses.

Silience - n. the kind of unnoticed excellence that carries on around you every day, unremarkably—the hidden talents of friends and coworkers, the fleeting solos of subway buskers, the slapdash eloquence of anonymous users, the unseen portfolios of aspiring artists—which would be renowned as masterpieces if only they’d been appraised by the cartel of popular taste, who assume that brilliance is a rare and precious quality, accidentally overlooking buried jewels that may not be flawless but are still somehow perfect.

Fitzcarraldo - n. an image that somehow becomes lodged deep in your brain—maybe washed there by a dream, or smuggled inside a book, or planted during a casual conversation—which then grows into a wild and impractical vision that keeps scrambling back and forth in your head like a dog stuck in a car that’s about to arrive home, just itching for a chance to leap headlong into reality.

Keyframe - n. a moment that seemed innocuous at the time but ended up marking a diversion into a strange new era of your life—set in motion not by a series of jolting epiphanies but by tiny imperceptible differences between one ordinary day and the next, until entire years of your memory can be compressed into a handful of indelible images—which prevents you from rewinding the past, but allows you to move forward without endless buffering.

Gnossienne - n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored—an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand.

Anecdoche - n. a conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening, simply overlaying disconnected words like a game of Scrabble, with each player borrowing bits of other anecdotes as a way to increase their own score, until we all run out of things to say.

Catoptric Tristesse - n. the sadness that you’ll never really know what other people think of you, whether good, bad or if at all—that although we reflect on each other with the sharpness of a mirror, the true picture of how we’re coming off somehow reaches us softened and distorted, as if each mirror was preoccupied with twisting around, desperately trying to look itself in the eye.

Anemoia - n. nostalgia for a time you’ve never known. Imagine stepping through the frame into a sepia-tinted haze, where you could sit on the side of the road and watch the locals passing by. Who lived and died before any of us arrived here, who sleep in some of the same houses we do, who look up at the same moon, who breathe the same air, feel the same blood in their veins—and live in a completely different world.

Mimeomia - n. the frustration of knowing how easily you fit into a stereotype, even if you never intended to, even if it’s unfair, even if everyone else feels the same way—each of us trick-or-treating for money and respect and attention, wearing a safe and predictable costume because we’re tired of answering the question, “What are you supposed to be?”

Monachopsis - n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.

Semaphorism - n. a conversational hint that you have something personal to say on the subject but don’t go any further—an emphatic nod, a half-told anecdote, an enigmatic ‘I know the feeling’—which you place into conversations like those little flags that warn diggers of something buried underground: maybe a cable that secretly powers your house, maybe a fiberoptic link to some foreign country.

Énouement - n. the bittersweetness of having arrived here in the future, where you can finally get the answers to how things turn out in the real world—who your baby sister would become, what your friends would end up doing, where your choices would lead you, exactly when you’d lose the people you took for granted—which is priceless intel that you instinctively want to share with anybody who hadn’t already made the journey, as if there was some part of you who had volunteered to stay behind, who was still stationed at a forgotten outpost somewhere in the past, still eagerly awaiting news from the front.

Daguerreologue - n. an imaginary interview with an old photo of yourself, an enigmatic figure who still lives in the grainy and color-warped house you grew up in, who may well spend a lot of their day wondering where you are and what you’re doing now, like an old grandma whose kids live far away and don’t call much anymore.

Fata Organa - n. a flash of real emotion glimpsed in someone sitting across the room, idly locked in the middle of some group conversation, their eyes glinting with vulnerability or quiet anticipation or cosmic boredom—as if you could see backstage through a gap in the curtains, watching stagehands holding their ropes at the ready, actors in costume mouthing their lines, fragments of bizarre sets waiting for some other production.

Avenoir - n. the desire that memory could flow backward. We take it for granted that life moves forward. But you move as a rower moves, facing backwards: you can see where you’ve been, but not where you’re going. And your boat is steered by a younger version of you. It’s hard not to wonder what life would be like facing the other way…

Kenopsia - n. the eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that’s usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet—a school hallway in the evening, an unlit office on a weekend, vacant fairgrounds—an emotional afterimage that makes it seem not just empty but hyper-empty, with a total population in the negative, who are so conspicuously absent they glow like neon signs.

The Tilt Shift - n. a phenomenon in which your lived experience seems oddly inconsequential once you put it down on paper, which turns an epic tragicomedy into a sequence of figures on a model train set, assembled in their tiny classrooms and workplaces, wandering along their own cautious and well-trodden paths—peaceable, generic and out of focus.

Jouska - n. a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head—a crisp analysis, a cathartic dialogue, a devastating comeback—which serves as a kind of psychological batting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life, which is a frustratingly cautious game of change-up pitches, sacrifice bunts, and intentional walks.

Ecstatic Shock - n. the surge of energy upon catching a glance from someone you like—a thrill that starts in your stomach, arcs up through your lungs and flashes into a spontaneous smile—which scrambles your ungrounded circuits and tempts you to chase that feeling with a kite and a key.

Heartworm - n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

Xeno - n. the smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers—a flirtatious glance, a sympathetic nod, a shared laugh about some odd coincidence—moments that are fleeting and random but still contain powerful emotional nutrients that can alleviate the symptoms of feeling alone.

#kpop #ace #bts #blackpink #day6 #exo #got7 #infinite #seventeen #ask game #drabble game #emotion game

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svanwijk · 6 years

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The Campfire of the Future

“…And what happened next?” The fire burned and cinders sizzled. The tribe watched their shaman with eager anticipation. He pointed up towards the sky again and explained how spirits triumphed after all. This was tens of thousands of years ago. Nowadays, the stars cannot be seen by looking up. We stare at a screen where constellations get blocked by a giant spaceship in an Ersatz epic. In out contemporary technical system, the work of art has undergone a tremendous transformation both in its creation and in its reception. It has been subsumed by the productive ethos that characterizes our age, thereby at risk to lose its subversive dimension. However, there are glimmers of hope, shining as bright as the primal campfire in our faces. A new form of storytelling has emerged, which has the potential to aid in a radical transformation of our society. The tabletop role-playing game is conquering the world.

We tell each other stories because we play. Man at heart has always been a storytelling animal. At the basis of a person’s emotional disposition stands the play-drive. If an activity is fully in tune with the play-drive, one is simultaneously engaged in and reflecting on one’s actions. In this sense it has an intellectual and instinctual dimension. This play-drive is amongst other things sublimated in the art of storytelling. The storyteller stretches its creative muscles and imposes a narrative structure on the whole at the same time. The audience reacts by opening up new avenues in the imagination by following along this narrative structure. This opens up the potential for subversion by inviting the audience to critical reflection on their circumstances.

Art has been transformed in two different ways by the contemporary technical system. According to media theorist Marshall McLuhan, the advent of writing and the writing press meant that ancient oral culture made way for a literate culture. Within an oral culture a story was transmitted through speech from one generation to the next. This necessarily meant the story was fluid and could easily be adapted to new circumstances. Within a literate culture, a story is mainly transmitted through the written word, which is more difficult to alter compared to transmission through speech. This meant that man moved from living within an acoustic environment to a visual environment.

Concomitantly to literate culture came a reductive form of instrumental rationality that infected the stories people told each other. Thought became compartmentalized into different categories. Where once a sprawling epic told of the origins of a people, now double-entry bookkeeping gives a boring account on the origins of an organization. But since the advent of modern communication technologies there is a shift back to an oral culture. For instance, instead of learning a recipe from a book we consult a YouTube video where someone is cooking the recipe for us and explains what to do. This shift back means new ways of storytelling can emerge, something which McLuhan anticipated.

A different albeit related perspective on the transformation of art has been aptly described by the philosopher Walter Benjamin. Originally a work of art had an aura: it exuded a certain authority through being authentic. This aura came about because a work of art had a cult value. It existed for a purpose on its own beyond that of mankind, such as for the execution of sacred rites. Take for instance a Pietà in a cathedral. This statue enhances the atmosphere of solemnity surrounding the Sunday mass. A work of art had an exhibition value as well, because the purpose of the work of art is to be viewed by people. If one takes the Pietà and puts it in a museum or one’s living room, its religious function will clearly disappear. According to Benjamin, with the advent of mechanical reproduction the shift from works of art having more cult value to having more exhibition value transformed art in a fundamental way. Its aura vanished as multiple copies of the same work of art existed.

For Benjamin there was no reason to despair at the disappearance of this aura, for he hoped that a greater exhibition value meant that more people could participate. This democratization of art could enhance the revolutionary sense of the people and thus help in the transformation to a society free from oppression. Yet this hope was mistaken. The mechanical reproduction of works of art was one part in the process towards the development of the hyperreality of the technical system.

The main characteristic of hyperreality is the intense proliferation of signs without meaning. These signs possess pure exhibition value without any corresponding cult value. Whereas the Pietà in the museum still is reminiscent of its original function in the cathedral, most internet memes exist purely to refer to other elements of popular culture. The Pietà appeals to man’s innate sense of religious mystique, whereas the meme appeals to man’s innate knowledge of popular culture. Man will derive meaning from a work of art with cult value by the impression that it exists on a plane of existence of its own. Consequently, his inner play drive is engaged when he contemplates the work. The problem is that with the disappearance of the aura in hyperreality, at best a distorted appeal is made to the inner play drive of man. In this sense there is a lack of meaning in our contemporary technical system.

The way forward for art is not one of returning to what was lost after the advent of writing. It is to create new forms of art that are informed by the ways in which art functioned in earlier times. The shift towards a new type of oral culture thanks to modern communication technologies presents an opportunity for new mythopoetic media. New modes of storytelling fit for people eager to find meaning in the rubble hyperreality is leaving in their minds. These new modes should recreate the aura by reinventing the way cult value is utilized within a work of art. The search for new meaning can be seen in the movement of Metamodernism. It is an emerging sensibility in artists to move beyond a hyperreality where all signs are interchangeably meaningless and consequently society is not shaped by a single grand narrative. The metamodern artist accepts that one size does not fit all, but strives to create a new grand narrative according to a particular perspective out of optimism.

The increasingly popular phenomenon of tabletop role-playing games are a prime example of this metamodern sensibility. In the 1970s the first role playing game ever Dungeons & Dragons evolved out of the miniature medieval war game Chainmail. A tabletop role-playing game can best be described as a cooperative mode of storytelling structured by guidelines for proper behavior of its participants. In the case of Dungeons & Dragons, people’s characters form a motley crew of adventurers, exploring a world resembling a fantasy mythos inspired by the likes of J.R.R. Tolkien. They travel through dangerous wilderness and dark dungeons armed with nothing but pen, paper and dice to keep track of progress and determine the outcomes of actions. The process is guided by the Game Master, who describes the situations in which the player’s characters are and uses the rules to determine how the world reacts to the player’s actions. During the process the game master and players act out the world and their characters respectively. Hand-outs and maps may be provided, depicting various parts of the world. Often a group comes together regularly to play a campaign, which is an ever evolving story with plenty of character development.

The tabletop role-playing game is not a direct return to ancient ways of storytelling such as the Homeric epic, but a modern continuation of such traditions. It takes on an episodic form reminiscent of the picaresque. Stories, ideas and the act of creation are shared orally. The participants shape an acoustic environment conducive to the expression of their inner thoughts. The story is fluid and can easily be adapted to its participants’ needs. Moreover, the tabletop role-playing game generates a cult value and thus reinstates the aura in its cooperatively created story. The creators are its audience. The process of narrative pleasure takes a form akin to those of sacred rites.

In this way tabletop role-playing games instill in their participants the seeds for mental escape from the technical system. The technical system is a system of hyperreality. The bombardment of signs is a self contained system of memes, feeling real but ultimately signifying nothing of actual value. On the contrary, precisely in being an act of fantasy, the tabletop role-playing game is a bridge to the real by appealing to man’s innate creativity. Moreover, this innate creativity aides in evoking a sense of adventure. The mystique of the unknown, that disappeared in the technical system, is thus returned. This is thanks to the information asymmetry between the game master and players. It makes the fantasy world uncertain for both, exacerbated by the roll of the dice. The seeds of creativity and adventure can grow into the realization that ultimately, the hyperreality of the technical system is a facade created by us. It can be undone by us too.

What happened next? The increasing popularity of tabletop role-playing games planted plenty of seeds in people. Some caught on, stimulating those recipients of subversive thoughts to create daring new fantasy worlds out in the real. To see real life gold pieces as a nonsensical fabrication. To see the value in cooperating and creating stories together. To create the grand epic of mankind together. That is what happens next. Stars glimmer again as we sit around the campfire of the future.

Bibliography: Benjamin, W. (1935). The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction. Baudrillard, J. (1981). Simulacra and Simulation. University of Michigan Press, MI, USA. McLuhan, M. & Fiore, Q. (1967). The Medium is the Massage: An Inventory of Effects. Penguin Books, UK. Vermeulen, T. & van den Akker, R. (2017). Notes on Metamodernism. Journal of Aesthetics & Culture, 2:1.

#dnd #philosophy #essay #tabletop #rpg #critical theory

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dylana431 · 4 years

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Production Showcase and Collaboration With Jacob Rix- W/C 17/02/2020

Demo Improvement Suggestions

There was another production showcase this week, after playing a demo some key things were suggested to improve the project. One of the main criticisms was that the project is too reminiscent of Rachmaninoff’s version. The melody is the same and the sounds chosen are very orchestral- like Rachmaninoff’s. It was suggested the sounds could be more synthetic and the melody could be developed more. The idea of sound design representing the water was praised but could be developed further.

Research and Analysis

In making the project less reminiscent of Rachmaninoff’s, the first thing to be changed was the melody and chord structure. Since the project features a lot of orchestral instruments and synthetic sounds, the new melody and chord structure was inspired by film music composition. In film music compositions, like that of Hans Zimmer, musical phrases are frequently used to represent different visual elements of the film (Howsley, 2020).

In Hans Zimmer’s score ‘Interstellar’ he uses musical features such as instrumentation, breaks, melodic lines, cadences, and dissonance and consonance to create a desired musical effect. Similar to Interstellar, this project has made use of many similar musical features. A particularly prominent similarity is the use of instrumentation. In this project, the melody line changes instruments at different points throughout the music. The underlying chord structure is made up of orchestral strings, something that is often found in Zimmer’s film scores.

A particularly good illustration of Zimmer’s use of instrumentation in interstellar can be found when they first leave home. Zimmer first uses strings and an organ to create a sense of mystery. Once the main character starts driving away, the brass comes in, signifying the start of an epic journey and an iconic moment in the film.

- An analysis of Hans Zimmer’s Interstellar soundtrack. This screenshot is from Listening In’s youtube channel (2020).

Collaboration with Jacob Rix

During the production showcase, a collaboration was formed with a classmate, Jacob Rix. After the demo was played, the composer asked other students doing audio-art related projects if they were interested in a joint exhibition. This works in both party’s interests as responsibilities such as contacting the venue, marketing and promotion, organising equipment, photography, documentation, hiring necessary parties, and other responsibilities can be split between two people. Another pro of collaboration is the exhibition will display a wider variety of art and music, becoming more interesting.

Jacob’s project ‘An Audio-Visual Experience Exploring Multiple Musical Genres and Art Forms’ is a live performance merging several musical styles- ambient, psychedelic rock, punk, and techno. The concept behind his project is to select visual art based on the composition and arrangement of the music. The music will change by subtle introductions to new rhythms and sounds. Gradually getting faster as the piece progresses, the visuals will become more intense with these changes in the music. Live drums will be present throughout the music, this is to capture the acoustic sound of a drum kit which is frequently lost in electronic music production. Jacob’s performance is going to be uploaded to youtube and released on Canapé records, his own record label.

In deciding upon the best approach to organise and curate the exhibition, the composer and Jacob decided on several key things to make the exhibition successful:

Theme (Audio-art)- The exhibition is going to be based around audio-art. This theme is flexible enough that both parties can express themselves, but links the work together well.

Recruiting other artists- Find other students or musicians interested in taking part in an audio-art exhibition to submit 1-3 pieces of work. If they go well with both projects, form a collaboration with them.

Pitch the Gallery- When approaching the gallery it was decided to have a written explanation of the concept and a demo of both projects to show them if they want to hear them.

Promote the event- The more people that show up to the event the better, this is essential for the event to be a success.

Abstract changes

A couple of key things were suggested to improve the abstract. Firstly, the exhibition is penned for the week commencing 4th May which is the hand in week. This has been moved sooner to put less pressure on the people involved in the project. The abstract has also been reviewed to make the outcomes more definite. Before this week, it was not known who would participate in the exhibition. Now a collaboration has been formed with Jacob this has been updated in the abstract. Along with the date of the exhibition, and more detail of what the exhibition will feature. Now the abstract is more definite, a shorter version (Approximately 50 words) has been sent to potential artists.

References:

[Listening In]. (15th May 2020). Interstellar- How Hans Zimmer Creates the Sound of Space [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6HtAu0fNQ4 [accessed 03 March 2020].

Grand, R. (2017) How to Curate Your First Art Exhibition- No Gallery and No Money Required. [Online] Available from: https://www.artspace.com/magazine/art_101/art_scene/guide-to-curating-art-exhibit-54840 [accessed 02 March 2020].

Howsley, S. (2020) The Importance of Music on Film & Emotion. [Online] Available from: https://www.raindance.org/the-importance-of-music-on-film-emotion/ [accessed 02 March 2020].

Metal, S. (Date Unknown) How to Organise and Curate a Successful Group Art Exhibition. [Online] Available from: https://emptyeasel.com/2013/01/22/how-to-organize-and-curate-a-successful-group-art-exhibition/ [accessed 03 March 2020].

Rix, J. (2020) An Audio-Visual Experience Exploring Multiple Musical Genres and Art Forms. Bristol: dBs Music.

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tkwrtnewsfeed · 7 years

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Newsfeed #86 August 13, 2017 (13 Úrimë)

ICYMI: Fantastic Credits and Where to Give Them.

I worked in Hollywood for 4 /12 years and one of my good friends is an intellectual property lawyer I’ve known since then--well over 16 years--with a client list that includes none other than Maurice (Kevin Kline) in the live-action film “Beauty and the Beast” starring Emma Watson.

(My attorney could sue anyone spreading salacious rumors about me and my work should he choose to do so, but I’m not a jerk. But he does know about it; he’s good at what he does--he’s successfully sued Google).

Translation: I’m at least 3-7 degrees of knowing how to give credit to artists. Otherwise, my attorney/friend would have me shot at sunrise. Would you like to learn how to do it without being a pain about it and spreading unscrupulous rumors? Let me explain Copyright © from a legal perspective from 30 years of working with copyrighted materials with an actual attorney that specializes in artistic intellectual properties with 40 years of experience that includes everything from visual art, music, film, books and has won a major copyright infringement case against Google (among other high profile cases) for major A-List celebrities.

1) Whatever you do is copyrighted from the moment you put it on paper by law. You don’t have to bitch about anyone stealing it perpetually. HOWEVER, you can’t complain about someone posting it anywhere in public (Pinterest, mostly) if YOU post it anywhere in public. If you share it, even asking people not to, it is already public and can go anywhere. What people CAN’T do is SAY it’s theirs. If they explicitly say “I did this” and they didn’t, you have a case. Otherwise, it is NOT copyright infringement if someone posts it anywhere.

It would be nice if EVERYONE would give credit--I try to do it if I do or link back to the original place I find something and that is time consuming if the work is not located where it came from (dead-link) or it was digitally stolen--something my attorney told me about a couple years ago. I see it all the time. But, if you make it public, it is assumed to be public. It is NOT ASSUMED to not to be copyrighted. Put that cute copyright sign on it and let it go. You should have the original as collateral, I would think. That’s the only way no one can claim it and you can properly bitch about it w/o an official U.S. Copyright.

2) I PUT “Images: ©2012, 2013, 2014. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: The Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies. All Rights Reserved.” on pretty much every post for The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy because the photos I use BELONG to Warner Brothers/New Line Cinema/Wingnut Productions. Altered by someone online doesn’t change this UNLESS the person altering got permission from WB/NLC/Wingnut to alter it. Otherwise, it is their property and they can sue anyone that alters their work and put their name on it if they so choose. I post this disclaimer to keep from GETTING sued--even though I don’t alter the photo in anyway. Gifs are the same way and currently seen as pirated these days and are subject to suit as with screen caps.

The reason no one gets sued over screen caps and gifs is because no one is making $$ off of them. You only get credit for edit not the work of the camera guy that was paid to shoot a film and the studio that owns his camera work. Unlike Marvel that has begun digital copyrights on some photos (you post something on Facebook, it automatically gives credit). The minute someone charges for any altered screen caps, gifs or photos and calls it their own work, that is the legal definition of copyright infringement.

Without proper credit, you are open to lawsuit by the studios, photographers. I go out of my way to avoid altered anything because then I could get sued even if I didn’t alter it--even if I am not making money from it. Which brings me to the next point:

3) IF I was making $$ and using someone’s art, then I could get sued. That means I’m not paying the original person their due (licensing fees) for use of their work. THAT includes my original story that uses and will use a great number of canonical characters from Tolkien. If I want to turn The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy into a book, I have to do it the right way--which is get permission from the Tolkien Estate (I’ve had the paperwork since 2016 when it was shown to me by a member of the Mythopoeic Society--they are close to the Estate). They can allow me to publish after negotiations of paying for use of the characters or force me to put “not affiliated with the Tolkien Estate” and/or change names if they so choose.

Example of a Tolkien allowed to go to press with “non-affiliated” tag of Tolkien. It’s clean, so the Estate probably doesn’t mind so much. Not all of these “non-affiliated” books are bad or not liked by the Estate. The label is not exclusively a non-endorsement--there might be something unknown about as to why it’s there.

Example of a book with the coveted “Tolkien Trademark” and approved by the Estate--spoke with one of the authors; pretty cool.

You want this, you better have your %^$* together. Yes, they give them out, but they are particular--do it right: legal and above board.

I’m not making any revenue off of TKWR Trilogy but if I were, I wouldn’t be using film photos. I would HIRE an artist to tag along over to the final phase of getting this book turned into something sold on Amazon or in Barnes & Noble. Then, the artist of choice would get paid for their work properly. They could use the work from this book anywhere they wanted and it would be protected forever--example of this would be Ted Nasmith.

Due to all the rumors about people say I’m doing because they have nothing better to do with their time (regardless of the obvious), I decided not to share any Tolkien Fan Art, use and Tolkien Fan Art or consider any Tolkien Fan Art unsolicited by anyone on Tumblr, Pinterest, DeviantArt or anywhere else that isn’t done by anyone not represented by an agent or a lawyer. If I so choose, artists will have to go through my lawyer--not me. After today, there will be no artists’ works mentioned or shared by me anywhere again until I’m done with the entire trilogy--unless idiots stop spreading lies and rumors (they won’t so don’t hold your breath).

I discovered a lot of fan art pertaining to my book and I could say something, but I’m not a jerk and I’m not complaining. I’m also not making any $$ of the book. It is assumed to be public but not assumed not to be copyrighted--which it actually is (ask my attorney).

I will do something should I decide to take any number of offers to publish after a lot of legalities I will go through. For now, I’ll just watch to make sure no one’s claiming my work--my words--as their own (and some have which is why I sent the book to witnesses so I have a case and proof should I do something later on). The book will change in the final form as I edit; it already has with additions and changes in Book II: The Saga of Thranduil and Book I: The Epic of Eryn Galen and Book III: The Last Tale of Legolas Lasgalen.

I love artists here, but a few ruined it for everyone. I’ve had artists wanting to illustrate Book II: The Saga of Thranduil, but now that’s been narrowed to only one that doesn’t accuse me of salacious and reputation-altering deeds I’ve never done. Having a friend that’s a respected and experienced intellectual properties attorney with connections in the U.S. and Europe that has worked within the industry successfully for 30+ years with a stellar reputation protecting my works--all of them including screenplays, poetry, stage plays--makes it possible for me to help protect an artist of my choosing (and he’s already done wonders for clothing designer friend of mine in Florida that designed things for my film project HERETIC: THE LEGEND OF AKHENATEN*). He loves protecting properties and takes referrals. I’m not helping anyone spreading rumors.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. That was obvious.

I told someone once that I would, but they thought it better to insult me rather than allowing me to connect them to a publisher I knew that could have looked at their work without the long query process. You make connections in the business and it’s good to keep them and I do.

I live by the motto: “The ass you kick today may be the ass you kiss tomorrow” so I try to be nice and respectful to everyone--even I have to draw a line.

[By the way, there will be a LOT of versions coming for The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy. This one is the Annotated Version--complete with all the notes and references and explanations of the use of Tolkien to create the entire trilogy. Let’s just say it took 4 hours to do the first bibliography and I just added more books. This one (which will be done for both the original version and extended version) will take years.]

But if you don’t want to be seen as an artist, it’s a safe bet you won’t think pinning = stealing. Pinterest is nothing more than a bulletin board for what people like--it’s not supposed to deal in copyright protection like YouTube or Instagram where you are actually legally protected by copyright law. If they were, a lot of stuff they still allow would be subject to lawsuit against them--not the pinners. They blame pinners to keep themselves from being liable for allowing copyrighted properties. I’ve already deleted my Art page of potential artists for The Kingdom of he Woodland Realm Trilogy. I’ve gotten blocked on Pinterest by people here on Pinterest over pins I re-pinned years ago over what they don’t know--probably out of spite. I don’t mind and don’t care. My job is to finish my work to the best of my ability and move on to the next.

Writing has been my life since the age of two. Only an act of GOD is going to keep me from doing what I love. I write because I love it. If it’s liked, I’m happy. If its not, that isn’t a deterrent for me to stop. Like any artist, I want to protect my work--but I’m going to do it the right way and I’m going to give credit due when credit is due if I eventually use an artist for The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy. Full Stop--end of sentence. There is nothing left to say. I have to do it right because I have a too many people in the business watching me and if I’m not doing what is right, they aren’t going to want to work with me and that lessens the work I put in to write this and it will not be able to help a fellow artist along the way. My attorney acts as a free attorney for artists that can’t afford to hire expensive attorneys for protection because he believes in protecting the rights of artists and we often work together on helping artist connect with attorneys that work for free for all artists (Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts).

I know, that won’t keep some people from being jerks--I just wanted to put it out there.

*HERETIC: THE LEGEND OF AKHENATEN by Jaynaé Miller (me) is copyrighted by the U.S. Copyright Office. Any unauthorized use is strictly prohibited without prior consent for the next 100 years. In other words, I could sue a major studio if they don’t buy it from me. This is a wholly LEGAL and Recognized (and stamped) copyright. It doesn’t make the original copyright less potent, it just makes your work recognized by law and gives you further protection for your works. This includes photography, visual art, books, film, plays, videos, logos. Being a copyrighted work, it is also subject to the Berne Agreement (World Copyright Organization) guidelines for international use. With this, it wouldn’t matter where you work is posted, if someone said it was theirs, it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. Once you put a stamp on it, by law, it is already protected by the government as it is being sent via the federal government--and it is protected from loss of materials sent as well (USPS is good and finding it, too; get a tracking number and it is found faster).

I know all this stuff because I work with copyrighted and trademarked things since I wrote my first opera and lyrics for which my music teacher taught me about this in fifth grade. I’ve written adaptations with permission of the original writers. The More You Know depends on how much you care to know.--J.

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hetmusic · 5 years

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TMR TALKS TO... BALTHAZAR | The Most Radicalist

In this interview feature, we get to know the most radicalist up and coming stars on the planet. This time we speak with Belgian indie pop-rock band Balthazar. In their home country of Belgium, Balthazar sell out arena stadiums. The two songwriters at the heart of the band, Maarten Devoldere and Jinte Deprez have also become well-known through their solo projects, Warhaus and J. Bernardt, respectively. It’s no wonder that after three albums, countless live shows and successful side projects that Balthazar took a breather following their third album release Thin Walls in 2015. However, the dynamic songwriting duo of Devoldere and Deprez couldn’t keep apart forever, and heading back into the studio around a year ago, the result turned into another epic album, their fourth studio record to date. Fever has been a highly-anticipated record here at TMR, with album tracks ‘Fever’, ‘Entertainment’, ‘I’m Never Gonna Let You Down Again’ and 'Wrong Vibration' all making an appearance as surefire List Picks. Since they’ve been a recurrent favourite we couldn’t miss the opportunity to talk to Balthazar’s two key members about the new album, matters of the heart, songwriting, the importance of imagery, how songs evolve through live shows and more. Here’s our interview, originally recorded backstage ahead of Balthazar’s show at Manchester’s Deaf Institute.

TMR: Fever is your fourth album, following 2015’s Thin Walls, why was this record worth taking your time over? Jinte Deprez: We were touring from twenty-nine/ten to twenty-sixteen, so by the end of the campaign we always felt like we were touring and making albums, so we wanted to take a little break, which we did. Then we released some solo albums, which were received quite well. Yeah, the break was a little bit longer than we planned, but we got back together to write for this album a year ago, so yeah, it went quickly. TMR: Oh, so really it hasn’t taken that long to get the album together. One of the biggest themes on the album is the highs and lows of love; sometimes in your songs, the character is a heartbreaker and other times they’re heartbroken. Was this theme a purposeful choice or a product of the time you were both in? Maarten Devoldere: Well, actually I think we tend to write close to our beds, so we’ve always written love songs. It’s just the most logical theme, it fits really well in a pop song. We aren’t very politically engaged to write about that for example. JD: We are songwriters so it’s always like if one of us is heartbroken, the other one is in a totally different vibe. That way we end up with these different songs on the album. Different emotions. TMR: Would you say there are any underlying themes that would surprise a listener? For example with ‘Fever’ it's quite easy to access those feelings of love or heartbreak, but is there something beyond that? MD: Yeah, that comes across as a love song, but it’s actually more of a dialogue itself. I think because pop music has been used so much to sing about a girl or towards a girl… So we have a tradition in songwriting that if you write about addiction, for example, then maybe you’re going to dress that addiction up as a girl as well. JD: On this album it seems like we don’t make much sense or make any points, because on ‘Fever’ we sound quite harsh towards a girl, but at the same time we’re saying that we’re falling for her. I think that’s something we do a lot on this record. On the other hand, there are some songs that are really just emotion. We wrote three break-up songs, but there’s a pissed off one and a cool one. MD: Yeah, different phases. JD: Whereas in the past we tried to write about the whole relationship in one song, but we stopped doing that. TMR: Since we’re talking about the title-track ‘Fever’, there are visuals for that song as well which are quite obscure, featuring deserts, roads and mountains. How does the imagery tie in with the song? JD: When we were finishing the record, we really had to rush to meet the deadline towards the end, and then we really wanted to go on holiday. Our manager said “no you can’t go on holiday yet, because first we need the video for ‘Fever’.” And so we said, “okay, what’s the budget?” So then we went to Lanzarote on holiday and filmed there. I know it sounds super random, but I guess the vibe and the weather matched this record for us. It’s a summer record. MD: We thought of it as, like, the opening trailer of a movie, and then the album is a movie. It was mainly because we wanted to go to a sunny place. You don’t need deep reasons or to be too profound sometimes. TMR: Yeah, that makes sense, it is very cinematic and the setting definitely helps. Speaking more on visuals, why did you choose painted dogs for the album cover? JD: We were renting this house, because we were touring with our solo projects at the time, and it’s actually a pretty stupid story, but there was a National Geographic magazine which we were flipping through and then we saw that picture. It’s kind of funny, because it’s very direct and they look like a band, you know there’s a singer, and there’s a drummer looking at you. We like the picture and the colourfulness of it. With our past albums, the cover was always a bit melancholic and darker. They also work like a wolf pack, and when we’re not doing our other projects and we come back, there’s this collectiveness that we wanted to embrace. It was the first picture we had for the album, and we have a lot of photographer friends with artistic pictures, but we thought it was more funny to get a picture from a magazine. TMR: We had no idea it was from a magazine, to be honest we thought it may have been something to do with the fact that painted dogs are a matriarchy, so it’s always a female dog that’s in charge of the rest. Both: Really? JD: The thing is if you chose animals, you get to know them very well through this whole process. Well that’s perfect, yeah. TMR: Maybe there was something subconscious there? MD: That’s how music works. TMR: Switching over to the video for ‘Entertainment’, which was shot in studio. Does that reflect how Balthazar is as a band? JD: It was mainly because somebody left the band, so it was like a new collective. MD: Yeah, because the new guy was on holiday for like six months, so we flew him over, and that day when we shot the video was the first day that we were all together. We asked him to come play, he didn’t play on the record, or audition, or anything like that - it was an educated guess. That day we were play-backing the song for the video shoot and we actually had so much fun and we thought, if we have this much fun while play-backing, then it’s going to really cool if we play it live. JD: It was a little bit to emphasize the fact that we want to play live as a band. TMR: ‘Entertainment’ is quite an upbeat song as well. MD: Yeah, we wrote it at the end of the recording process, and for us, we felt like it was the jammy song that we needed, so we were really surprised when the label said that it was going to be the first single. It’s good, especially now live, we feel it really connects with the audience. It’s the enthusiasm. JD: Sometimes you work on a song for month, and that was made in a day, so for us it felt quite strange, but looking at it now, it makes sense. TMR: One of our favourite tracks on the album is ‘I’m Never Gonna Let You Down Again’. Do you each have a favourite track of your own? JD: The thing is we always make so many songs, and we pick our favourites to make the album, so in the end, all the songs are kind of our favourites otherwise it wouldn’t be on the album. MD: They kind of need each other in a way. I don’t know, it changes throughout the week, so today, it’s a Friday, so I’m going to go for... ‘Rollercoaster’. JD: For me, it’s the third day of the tour, and you start to feel like the songs are having their afterlife. They start to change in how we play them live, and it’s cool. Songs you wouldn’t expect to become your favourite song live do because they change. ‘Never Gonna Let You Down Again’ is one of the examples - live it’s really cool and I thought it would have been really hard to play live. TMR: It’s also going to depend on the audience and how they interact with the song. JD: Of course. MD: Like yesterday, there was a harmonica player in the audience, so we invited him on stage, and he did a harmonica solo in ‘Wrong Faces’. That was literally how sometimes live performance is created on the spot. But he wasn’t really that good. [all laugh] TMR: And how has the tour been so far? JD: It’s the third day and Maarten’s voice is, like, cracking already [laughs]. MD: It’s good, it’s a new album, so yeah it’s finding a connection with the old songs, planning the set list. We didn’t play together for two or three years, so it’s kind of cool, but it’s also finding your way as a band again. It’s cool to do it here [in the UK] too. Yesterday, in Brighton, it was a really intimate show, which is cool and really works for us. We’ve played here [The Deaf Institute, Manchester] before as well. Last time I fought with my manager, but he won the fight… I was really drunk, so yeah. JD: [Laughing] was that also the third day of the tour? MD: Yeah, probably. TMR: When you’re on tour, do you have a tour playlist? With songs to get you in the mood for playing live? MD: No, but yesterday, we had our support Faces On TV, who is also the producer of the record. It was the first time we could see him play live, it’s really cool, he’s all alone, but he’s this sound wizard on stage, doing way too many things on stage at the same time. It was really energetic, the perfect warm-up to our show. We also have to step up our game to make it work. JD: Yeah exactly, also our tour manager is like the DJ and he always has music you’ve never heard of. Today I discovered Onra. It’s always great to have a DJ as a tour manager. TMR: After here, where are you playing next? JD: After here, we’re going to Dublin which is cool because it’s been a while since we’ve been to Dublin. It’s cool that they haven’t forgotten us, so I’m really looking forward to that. After that, we’re going to London, to Scala, which is a beautiful venue. TMR: Are you going to be playing your home towns as well? MD: Oh yeah, we’re on tour for a month now. TMR: Do you find the atmosphere is different playing back home? JD: Well, in Belgium, we play an arena show in Antwerp, so that’s completely different from what we’re used to. MD: I’m not so keen on playing arenas, but it’s really cool to have the variation between here with smaller venues and there. TMR: Definitely different challenges in each space. Finally, what’s your plan for the rest of the year?

JD: I think we’re going to play a lot. We’re going to have the European tour, take a little break, pick up the European tour. Then go to places we haven’t been before, like Mexico, the US and Canada. Then play festivals, do another tour, it’s like… yeah, we released an album, so it’s time to show the baby to the world.

http://www.themostradicalist.com/features/tmr-talks-to-balthazar/

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