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byuljoonie · 7 months

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moonlight // knj

I’m sorry baby I’m just really hot…

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: one shot, slight angst, fluff, growing tension, boyfriend material, extreme smut, desperation, succubus intentions…

word count: 5k+ (sorry)

warnings: mentions of mature topics, spit, namjoon driving lmao, thigh humping bcs desperate, throat goat, dom!sub, dom rm!sub reader, alcohol consumption, probably a good amount of swearing, post-gym namjoon, grocery store activities, slight car play, teasing, oral, summer night, riding, overstimulation, a little masochism

summary: namjoon promised to go to the grocery store with you after the gym (extended ending on ao3)

note: just had what cody ko and noel would call a “power thought.” I literally just had a spark of inspiration bcs it’s really hot in the south right now and Namjoon’s vogue cover is to die for. enjoy and feel free to check out any of my playlists while reading. Sorry for any little mistakes. gonna make a tag list after I post 10 works! -ash (wrote this draft a few months ago so it might be slightly more extreme than expected.)

My reflection stared back at me, tracing the movement of the cloth against my skin. The long slit of the black fabric starts by the left knee and leaves an opening at the bottom of the dress. My manicured feet sat firmly against the hardwood bedroom floor, grounding me away from my persistent thoughts. I grabbed my sunglasses from the stand mounted on the cream walls and turned swiftly on my heels. Abandoning the mirror with a grimace on my face.

I loved this dress very much, the long sleeves light and airy protecting me from the harsh summer rays. The way it hugs my figure is like someone familiar. The same someone that bought this dress for me. He crossed my mind once more sending another surge of anger through me.

Namjoon promised to come along to the grocery store with me today but he’s been at the gym for almost 2 hours now. He said he’d only be gone an hour but an hour quickly turned to two, now I’m dressed and past ready to go. I hated going to crowded stores, at this rate we’ll never beat the after-work rush.

I sat on the bed putting on my anklet he gifted me for our 3 year anniversary. Yet another gift that I’m wearing today, being spoiled ruining my plans of holding a grudge tonight on our date. I slipped on some black socks and made my way towards the door. Listening as the front door swings open with a beep of the automatic keypad.

I excitedly descend the stairs, my black dress sweeping the floor behind me beautifully like a wedding gown flowing in the summer breeze. The second step I’ve already failed at trying to be mad at him.

“Baby! Where you at?” He says deep voice roaring through our apartment. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs almost running into his chest. He smiled at me taking in all of my body, returning to my eyes after his brief but thorough inspection.

“Right here NAMjoon,” I stated putting extra emphasis on his surname. I watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath, his skin glistened with sweat. Tan skin accentuating his muscular frame, my mouth parted slightly at the sight. He looked heavenly I almost lost my composure.

“I’m sorry I took so long Y/N my trainer wouldn’t let me leave until the workout was complete,” he said walking towards me. Smirking at the way my eyes followed his every movement.

“You look so gorgeous Princess, this dress is perfect for you,” he said pulling me into a tight embrace. Grabbing a handful of my ass as he reached over to rest his chin on my shoulder. I yelp in surprise at the sudden groping, melting into his body and giving up on being angry. I wanted to take him right now but first, we need food or we’ll be eating out for another week before we have time to shop again.

“Whatever Joon go shower we have to leave as soon as possible and you’re stinky,” I said pulling away from him and then standing on my tippy toes to kiss him quickly. He kissed me back beginning to deepen it before I push him away again. I give him a knowing look and bid him goodbye as I walk to the kitchen to make him a snack to eat in the car. The store was about a 25 minute drive from us but it was worth it for the produce.

I grab a few ingredients from the fridge to make him a nice sandwich with an everything bagel. I prepared everything quickly and put it in a small ziplock bag next to my purse. I heard Namjoon exiting our bedroom 15 minutes later, humming a sweet tune in his beautiful vibrato.

“Come on babe I already have the car warming up,” he said grabbing my hand and lightly pulling me next to him. He’s wearing a light brown shirt with a pair of distressed blue jeans. Looking as handsome as always I drink in his appearance for eternity. We walked to the elevator quietly, Namjoon tapping away on his phone until the elevator doors opened to be let us out.

As we walk towards our car I begin to sweat a little, the setting Sun still scorching my skin like its’ noonday twin. I started to speed up a little pulling Namjoon along so I could feel the relief of the A/C sooner than later. He swung the door open for me making sure my dress wasn’t in the way before shutting the door.

Namjoon jumps in quickly closing the door before the heat could penetrate the closed air. It still wasn’t cool enough in here, with the sun beaming directly on our vehicle the A/C felt like lukewarm hell. I let down the window hastily fanning myself as we pulled out of the parking lot.

After I few minutes of fanning and desperation, I looked over and behold a sight that would make any woman yearn in an instant. A head of sweat moved swiftly down the expanse of Namjoons golden jaw. Resting at the base before dropping down onto his slightly exposed shoulder. His lips rose colored from his unconscious biting. I wanted to reach over and swallow him whole, I crave him so bad I can’t help but squeeze my legs together at the thought.

I was so caught up in my sinful thoughts I didn’t notice him glance over at me. A twinkle in his eye set off the indication of a torturous idea. Namjoon placed his large hand on my thigh, causing me to tense up instantly. Before I could utter a word he reached over my leg and grabbed his sandwich from my lap.

His smile turning into a stifled laugh as he continued to stare straight ahead. I must have let out the small noise I was holding in because he seemed to know exactly what would tick me off right now. I turned my attention towards the windshield trying to focus on the passing cars and people watching. Then an idea popped into my head.

I pull out my phone and open the group chat I have with our 6 best friends. I stop and think of what to type before another brilliant idea is brought to me. I pose provocatively making sure my cleavage was “present,” in my photo. I took a couple of pictures, some with sunglasses and some staring at Namjoon. He patiently drove, oblivious to my sly intentions. He hummed along to one of his favorite songs looking over at me to shoot me a wink.

I giggled and looked away almost feeling bad for what I’m going to do. Yet not bad enough because I went ahead and sent the photos with a message. “Should I post these on my close friends? I don’t know if I look good enough today…” I said ending with a sad face. It didn’t take long for our phones to simultaneously vibrate. Secretly glancing over at Namjoon, I unlock my phone knowing he can’t check his until we’re in the lot.

Hobi ddaeng: You look great !! Of course, you should post it, Namjoon talk some sense into her.

Me: He’s driving right now. I didn’t ask for his opinion yet I want to hear you guys first :)

Park Chanel: ooooh…I see…

Park Chanel: If you don’t post the pictures I will! Wow wow you look beautiful. Nice..dress and necklace.

I looked down at my neck realizing I didn’t wear a necklace today. Oh Jimin you’re evil Namjoon is going to kill me and you. I laughed a little at his crude behavior and read the next incoming message.

Yoongi: You’re gonna get hit Jimin *laughing emojis*

Me: mmm just because you guys said so I will post it hehe

Before I could read the next response I felt the car shake as we pulled into the grocery store parking lot. I quickly went on my sns and posted two of the pictures on my close friends. Picking the two the boys liked the most. I was starting to get nervous, I know how possessive he is with me and I’m the same but I want revenge for making me frustrated.

Namjoon pulls into an open parking spot almost near the front of the bustling building. I take off my seatbelt with a click grabbing my purse from my lap and swinging the door open. I wanted to beat Namjoon inside before he could read the texts and catch me. As I hurriedly closed the door I saw him reading the messages, jaw tensing with rage.

I hear him call my name from the car and a slam of a car door followed behind the sound of his sexy voice. His long legs easily closing the space between us as he grabbed my hand, squeezing it while looking at me. I put my shades on ignoring his questions. Stroking the back of his hand as I never break eye contact with the automatic sliding doors.

“Can you get us a cart pet?” I froze at the nickname. He knows what he’s doing, and I don’t plan on breaking that fast. I let go of his hand briefly going to grab the first cart I saw. Cleaning the handle before strutting back over to my boyfriend as he eyed me intensely.

I let him grab the cart from me but not before pulling him down to whisper in his ear. “Anything for you Daddy..” I say in a hushed tone. Making sure to leave a kiss on his sensitive earlobe as I pull away.

I walk forward trying not to laugh at the silly nickname I used to get him riled up. He trailed behind me, failing to hide his blatant staring at my ass. We make our way down the aisles trying to speed up the process as people begin piling into the store.

“Joonie baby I can’t reach this,” I said struggling to reach the box of goldfish on the top shelf. He moved over to me in a flash, pressing his front flush against my back. I heard his breathing stop as I purposely pushed my ass against him.

“This one, this one, this one, or this one…” He trailed off purposely picking the wrong boxes to tease me. He finally grabbed the correct item and tossed it in the cart. Walking away as if he didn’t leave me speechless and flustered on the cracker aisle.

I follow him to the snack aisle after grabbing a few bottles of wine and champagne for our date tonight. The empty aisle presents another opportunity for me to assert my dominance. I walk over to the chips looking at them inquisitively as if I’m mocking a character.

“Honey do you want this kind or this kind?” I said while bending over. Making sure to sway slowly as I wait for an answer. “Babe? Which-“ I was cut short as a hand firmly grabbed my ass causing me to yelp in surprise and sit up straight.

“I want this one right here,” he growled in my ear. I turned around and looked at him, watching his eyes darken with hunger. “Let’s get outta here yeah?” He questioned looking into my eyes. I nodded furiously ready to exit this hell and get home to what’s waiting.

We race to the self-checkout line, scanning and bagging groceries like a 5000-dollar prize is awaiting the winner. Namjoon grabbed my hand after he paid and pulled me along with him as he pushed the basket with his other hand. He was so warm, skin clear and kissable. I wanted to pull him aside and cover him in kisses, not caring about the people around us.

Namjoon unlocks the car as we stop beside it. I move to walk around the cart but he stops me in my tracks. “Let me help you get the groceries in the car love,” I say looking confused at his sudden maneuver.

Unexpectedly, he opened the car door and motioned for me to get inside. I insisted again that I help but he gave me a look that I know better than to disobey. I got inside praying I didn’t anger him too much. I set myself up for this one, didn’t I? It’ll be worth it in the end right? Maybe I went a little too far with the texts but I can’t help but shiver with anticipation. I pull out my phone to text Jimin about my bad decisions.

Me: I think I fucked up lol

Park Chanel: you’re welcome ;)

Namjoon slams the trunk shut causing me to jump in surprise. I close my phone sitting it in the cup holder beside me. He gets in the car, jaw still tense as he turns the key in the ignition. I thought about breaking the silence but the tension was so thick a knife would recoil at the slight pressure of penetration. Namjoon puts on his seatbelt then proceeds to look at me.

“ I don’t want to hear another peep from you Y/N..” he starts lowly not breaking eye contact for a second. “You’ve done enough for tonight, if you do anything stupid I swear I will pull the car over and take you on the side of the road. I promise you wouldn’t want that.” He deadpans and looks away from me, pulling out of the parking spot. I utter a soft okay and prepare to behave the rest of the way home.

I slide my palm over to his free hand resting on his thigh. I stare firmly at him, giving my best puppy eyes in return. He doesn’t look away from the road but I watch as his lip twitches into a small smile. He grabs my hand, rubbing his large thumb over the back of my hand. In love can’t begin to describe how I truly feel about this man.

I laugh as he tries to sing along to Smoke Sprite, raspy voice blending well with Soyoon. I rap along to his part of the song, stealing the spotlight and making him bop his head in excitement. The song finishes and we’re about 10 minutes from our place. I check my phone and see a text from our group chat, making the recent grocery store escapades flash through my mind. I want him to touch me again, I like it when he’s desperate and needy for me.

Another terrible idea floods my brain accompanied by a mound of outcomes. I suddenly let go of Namjoons hand causing him to spare me a confused expression. A smile graced my face as I turned my body forward, grabbing the slit of my dress and opening it over my legs. I let my left hand run down the front of my dress, stopping at my panties hesitating even.

I slide my hand under the fabric immediately coming in contact with the soft skin. I dip my fingers and get to work. I began letting out dramatized moans and grunts. I moan Namjoon's name and furiously let my hand lose control. I looked over and saw Namjoon gripping the steering wheel in frustration. Sweat adorned his angelic face, veins prominent in his hands. I let this go on until we reached the last stop light near our apartment building. I sat up and closed my legs acting like I didn’t just masturbate next to my boyfriend in a moving car.

We pull into the lot entering our designated spot. Namjoon quietly turned off the engine and released a sigh that he seemed to have been holding in. He looks absolutely pissed and it’s so sexy. His erratic breathing only made me wetter by the second.

“You’re going to follow my instructions carefully. I don’t want to hear a word from you or tonight will be your worst fucking nightmare got it?” He questioned angrily letting his eyes trail over my body once more. I nodded too scared to move an inch more.

“Go upstairs, get undressed, wait in the middle of the bed. If you’re not in that spot when I come up there in 15 minutes, you better pray you can stop time.” He seethes hotly. “Yes sir,” I say scared and ready for more. He gets out of the car walks around and opens my door. He grabs my purse from my lap holding eye contact, his brown almond eyes dark and predatory.

“Go.” He states motioning for me to exit the vehicle. I get out swiftly, grabbing my purse from his hand and sprinting towards the entrance of the building. The elevator took an eternity to bring me to our floor. I ran to the door and shakily put in the passcode, messing up a few times before it finally let me in.

My shoes are off in a flash, I leave my purse by the door as well abandoning my shades on the counter as I run past to the stairs. I burst into our room, slipping my dress off. Almost fell as I grabbed my silk lavender robe hanging on the wall. I threw it on and climbed onto the bed. My anklet glowed in the natural light seeping through the parted curtains. The front door swung open slamming against the wall.

I heard shuffling, cabinets opening and closing for 10 more minutes before his heavy footsteps echoed through our hallway. He walked into the room eyeing me before raising an eyebrow. I started to sweat nervously hoping I did what I was told.

“Who told you to put on your robe Y/N?” He questioned in amusement. He slowly walked over to me, grabbing each side of the robe and ripping it open. He discarded it onto the floor and stalked around the bed, he stood at the front motionless. “On your knees in front of me, now.” He said and I immediately left the bed. I swung my legs over the side and dropped to my knees.

Namjoon watched me through lidded eyes as I crawled over to him on my knees, stopping directly in front of his growing bulge. I was quick to unlatch the hook of his buckle, the metal of the belt clinging as it hit the hardwood floors.

“I’ll excuse the robe mishap since you’re so eager to taste me doll face,” he said reaching down to grab my chin. A loud moan echoed through the room as he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. He looked down at me, motioning his head back as if telling me to open up. I did as I was told and watched as he spit in my mouth and closed it back. He pulled his pants down and kicked them to the side.

“Good girl, now eat.” He said intensely. He hummed in satisfaction, eyes never leaving the way I wrapped my fingers around his cock and finally engulfed his length into the warmth of my mouth. I took him in slowly inch by inch, his girth heavy against my tongue as I extended my jaw wider and wider. I choked a little as he hit the back of my throat.

“You look so fucking gorgeous with your lips wrapped around me, pet,” his fingers tightened into my hair, his gaze stoic and heavy on me. Pet. The pet name earned a moan from me as I began a steady rhythm of sucking. My fingers were coated in a thick layer of saliva, Namjoon’s cock easily sliding against my pressured grip as my cheeks hollowed, jaw growing sore from my strenuous movements.

He groaned loudly, fucking my throat faster until I could no longer take it. I let my jaw go slack so he could use me as his personal toy. He grabbed my face and fucked it harder until I was seeing stars. A beautiful repetition of my name strung from his tongue, stilling as he came into my mouth. I happily swallowed every drop, coughing around his cock one last time, sending a shiver through his body.

“Good job, get on the bed I want to taste you. I can see you dripping on the floor,” he smirks as he picks me up and helps me onto the bed. He walks around and gets in the middle of the bed, watching me as I sit patiently waiting for instructions.

“Come here baby, sit on my face,” he motioned for me to come to him. I slowly crawled towards him, bracing myself on his lap. He kissed me roughly, tasting himself on my tongue, running his hand down to play with my chest. Nipples sensitive to the touch, he pulls away from me, taking my right breast in his mouth. Sucking and nibbling on me, teasing me. He pulled off with a pop, scooting further down the bed and then lifting me so I could move towards his face.

I place my hands on the headboard hovering over his face in anticipation. He suddenly grabs my thighs and pulls me down onto him. I scream out in pleasure as he dives into my center. Feverishly lapping his tongue at my pussy like it’s the last time he’ll have me. His moans send intense vibrations through my body, making me scream his name. We’ll have a noise complaint tomorrow.

I felt my orgasm coming on, riding his tongue until my legs were sore. He let go of my left thigh to slap my ass hard, signaling me to cum on his tongue. I came with a loud groan of his name. Shaking and twitching as I came down from my high.

Namjoon grabbed my hips, gently guiding me down to his lap. His face was covered in my essence, from nose to chin, he glistened like an Angel. He smiled and rubbed circles on my tummy as he watched me shake.

“Don’t think we’re done darling, I’m not finished until I see my cum dripping down your pretty legs.” He gave me one last smile before his eyes darkened once more. He grabbed my hips and lifted me slightly, sticking his girth fully inside me. I sank slowly, letting him fill me to the brim. Tears streamed down my cheeks loving the painful stretch in my core.

“Ride me until I say stop.” He deadpanned motioning for me to move or else. I started to ride him painfully slow, not being able to take much more. This was my opportunity to finally seize control. I picked up the pace, rhythmic grunts and sounds of skin slapping filled the room. I put my hands on his chest and let my hips do the talking.

I ground down harder, spelling his name with every swift motion of my hips. I felt his cock twitch inside of me, indicating he was close already. Now that I have control I’m going to make him feel everything he did to me. I moved faster, causing the bed to shake and tremble with every shout of his name.

He grabbed my hips trying to make me slow down but I only grind down harder. Clenching and tightening around him to send me him over the edge. I watched as his orgasm roared through him, eyes rolling to the back of his head. I kept moving, milking everything from him. Getting closer to my orgasm, I let myself go with one last yell of his name.

Squeezing my eyes shut as I finally stilled. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room, the bed creaking as I rolled off of him. Shivering as the empty feeling overtakes me when he’s not inside of me. “I hope I didn’t get too carried away,” I started while looking over at my completely wrecked boyfriend.

“That was perfect.” He said smiling over at me. He slowly stood up, going to our bathroom to retrieve a towel. He returned momentarily, cleaning me off and then cleaning himself. Throwing the towel in the hamper against the wall. I was so exhausted I could barely move. I got under our giant duvet, getting comfortable fairly quickly.

Namjoon glanced at me, nestled under the warm blankets, my eyes getting heavy with exhaustion. He promised me a special date night and he was determined to make it happen, even if he just put me to sleep. With a gentle smile, his aftercare continued.

“Hey, babe,” he whispered softly, brushing a strand of loose hair from my face. “I know you’re tired but I don’t want our date night to go to waste.”

I yawned in response and mumbled sleepily, “Joonie I’m so comfy right here.” Earning a chuckle from him, my reluctance seeped through the atmosphere. “I know, but trust me, you won’t regret it. I’ve got something in the living room set up for us.”

That caused me to sit up, curiosity overcoming my fatigue. “Oh? What is it?” I said carefully. “It’s a surprise, but I promise it’ll be worth it.” He said leaning in to plant a kiss on my forehead.

With his gentle encouragement, I reluctantly pushed the covers aside and allowed Namjoon to help me out of bed. He passed me the discarded robe and my slippers, and together we made our way to the living room.

Where soft candlelight flickered with a movie on the screen waiting to be played. As I settled onto the couch I couldn’t help but smile at the effort Namjoon had put into creating this romantic haven. A charcuterie board with our favorite snacks and 2 bottles of the wine we purchased earlier were on the coffee table.

Namjoon plopped down beside me, taking my hand in his. “See princess? Our date night in the living room isn’t so bad, is it?” He said grinning like he won the lottery. My fatigue began to dissipate as I basked in the warmth of Namjoon's love and effort. “Not bad at all,” I said, feeling grateful for his consistency and thoughtfulness.

“Let’s start the movie I’m so excited!” I exclaimed pumping my fist in the air embarrassingly hard. Namjoon laughed and mimicked me, making me laugh even harder than before. The first half of the movie went by as we stuffed our faces with food and downed wine like it was our last supper. I was starting to feel tipsy and before I knew it my thoughts started wandering again.

“Mmm, these snacks are-“ Namjoon started as he reached for the charcuterie board. I interrupted his thought by grabbing his hand. Namjoon looked at me puzzled, “huh?” He says in surprise. I move closer and settle onto his lap. “I want to be closer to you,” I said, hands resting on his toned chest.

Namjoon blinked at me, a tipsy smile forming on his lips, “Well I can’t argue with that pet.” I look into his eyes exploring the galaxies I can reach within them. “You know, I love nights like these, just you and me, a movie, some wine…” I rambled to him.

“Yeah, me too. It’s moments like this when I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life baby.” He said while lost in my eyes. Searching for something, something that he knows I have. I leaned in slowly, our lips almost touching, “I love you Namjoon.” I kissed him before he could respond. Feeling his emotions spill into our kiss. He pulled us apart gently, rubbing his hand on my cheek. “I love you too Y/N.”

He grabbed my face and captured my lips again. A thief that could do no wrong in my eyes, I deepened the kiss craving more of him. Needing to feel something more. I slowly began moving my hips on his thigh, grinding down onto the exposed skin, earning a guttural groan from his throat.

His hands moved down the side of my body, exploring every curve, touching every mark he left on me this evening. He landed on my hips, guiding me to my last orgasm with his strong hands. The air was hot once more, soft moans and sweet nothings penetrated the quiet.

The movie is long forgotten, the candlelight coating the walls in a beautiful golden glow. I felt my orgasm building quickly, still sensitive from the earlier assault on my clit. Namjoon began bouncing his leg, adding more pressure on my center, and sending me over the edge.

I kiss him one last time before I fall fast asleep on him.

The end.

442 notes · View notes

spiralizera · 6 months

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buzzcut season

Summary: Namjoon x reader. Self-explanatory

warnings/notes: established relationship, depression, hurt/comfort, mild suggestion, a shower, this was so self-indulgent, and by self-indulgent I mean I wrote it at 4am when I had to be up at 6am

———————————————————————

‘Ready?’

You hold Namjoon’s eyes in the mirror as you stand behind him. He sits in front of you, shirt off with a towel wrapped around his shoulders. He looks at you with firm determination.

‘You still sure you want to do this? You can always change your mind. No one has to know.’

A flicker in his eye. You would know, you knew everything. It terrified him sometimes how much of him, all of him, you held in his hands. But you kept your face open, loving and non-judgemental. No one would know because as far as you were concerned you were no one, this was nothing. As in, this room, you and him, did not exist outside this moment. Two separate planes of existence where the outside world could not begin to fathom, let alone touch the tiny world you’d crafted between each others touch and gaze. No one would know if he failed. Again.

——————————————————————

Joon had come to you that morning. You’d been waiting for days. He’d not been in a good place for months. The growing number of hours at the studio, the obsessive workouts, the half written lyrics left absently around the house, the holding onto you at night like a life raft. He wouldn’t talk. You didn’t push. You made sure he ate, got some sleep; held him and told him simple things about your day. You were there in the hopes that he would soon join you.

Then, he came to your desk and knelt by your side, placed his head in the crook of your hip joint. You ran your fingers through his glossy hair before pressing your lips to his head. Some days he did this and you let him sit there for what felt like hours as you wrote your notes. It was a peaceful equilibrium only interrupted by the afternoon sun sifting through the curtains. Today there was a charge. If you didn’t hold on, it felt like he might take off, or fall apart. There was an energy. It was good. It had to be.

‘I need you to do something for me.’

You hummed, keeping a steady rhythm.

‘I need you to shave my head.’

He raised his head, eyes a little woozy from the blood rushing to his cheeks. Your hands followed them, cupping the skin as you searched his gaze.

Not a question. A need.

‘Ok.’

‘I need you to cut it all off.’

‘Ok,’ you repeat, as softly as you thumb his cheeks.

His gaze is hard and his eyes are bright. You slip to the floor, not moving your hands from his face and landing between his thighs. He pulls at your waist, gets you as close as he can.

‘Ok Joon. We can do that.’

———————-————————————

You do eventually talk about it. As you make the coffee you listen as he takes you through all his thinking. There’s so much of it and you can’t help but smile. Of course he would overanalyse this small act of rebellion into oblivion.

You touch his hip as you hand him a cup. ‘It’ll feel good.’ Simple language felt right, grounding. You weren’t going to question him, he did enough of that on his own.

‘I did it a couple of years ago. It felt good to let go like that.’

His eyes slightly widened. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ you traced the rim of your own cup. It was strange to find pockets of yourself that he didn’t know. You forgot sometimes, forgot that he hadn’t burrowed into and fused with every cell of your body and all its rotten, gorgeous histories. It sure felt that way. You were quick to remedy the fact.

You’d been going through a rough time. But that didn’t necessarily feel relevant to the shaving. It’d been difficult to tell when the rough time had started, long before the head shaving. But it was easy in retrospect to string together the expected narrative. You’d actually been feeling good that summer. It’d felt empowering. You’d been giddy. Friends watched in a neat line on the sofa as you committed the fateful act. It became a ritual then, an occasion. Ask a different friend each time to shave and then eventually bleach your head. A gesture of trust. An excuse to have dinner and catch up in a city that was hostile to such acts of tenderness. But it’d also been a form of armour, a repellent. One you only began to recognise when you let it grow out again. When you’d let it grow soft and it’d start to graze your shoulders, only then did you realise how hard you had been. You didn’t want to be a cliche. But again, it’s easy to fall into such things in retrospect.

Namjoon listened as he buried his face into your hair. It was thinner than his, but curly at the ends and you had a lot of it. He liked how he could grab a fistful and feel it disappear into the nothing at the end. Like silk or water.

‘Do you think I’m crazy?’ He asked into your neck.

You shook your head and he got a wave of heady perfume.

‘No. I think you’re sad.’

You’d never said it so simply before. It cut to the quick of what he’d been circling for months. His hands slightly tightened around your hips and you could feel the way his chest hitched. You turned around, tracking his fingertips on your waist as you grasped his cheeks.

‘And that’s ok. Change is good. We don’t know what it will bring but the act of choosing something, choosing for yourself, for better or worse, is one of the best things you can do.’

He closes his eyes, the tears caught in his throat, and you kiss his eyelids like a shrine.

‘I love you.’ You pull his head towards you slightly and press your forehead to his. ‘I love you and I promise everything will be ok.’

He nods slightly, his forehead bumping against yours and you can’t help but laugh at the small ‘ow’ that escapes his lips.

——————————————————————

You started at the neck where his hair was already short, giving him that final window to back out if he needed.

He stared hard into the mirror like man heading to war. You couldn’t help but break the tension and eventually went straight through the middle of his head. Black swatches fell to the floor and a noise escaped your mouth as you both stared at the consequences. A trench ran straight through the middle of his thick hair. For one long second, both of your faces were a gobsmacked mirror, frozen in disbelief, before Joon cracked with a laugh. He grabbed the clippers off you and repeated the action. His smile growing bigger and you couldn’t help but giggling as you watched him attack his head.

He’d been fastidious about his appearance for years, everyone had. Now it was all gone.

You went in afterwards and evened it out, neatened the edges, touching the soft velvet of a fresh buzzcut with growing compulsion.

Joon had closed his eyes, his brow as soft as his smile as he cherished every touch you stole against his new scalp.

When you finished, you kissed the top of his head. And then his temples and the nape of his neck until he swatted you away and opened his eyes.

He looked and felt lighter. He felt like he was seeing himself for the first time in months. You caught his eye and couldn’t help but catch the grin that was threatening to split his face in half.

Before you could stop him, he’d grabbed you and pulled you into his lap. You squealed and complained about all the hair in your mouth and across the bathroom. He ignored you and whispered thank you into your neck like a mantra. You eventually settled and pulled away to get a proper look. You placed your hands on his chest and felt that heartbeat for what felt like the first time in months.

You kept looking at each other. Not saying anything but occasionally ducking heads into smiles like crushing teenagers.

Despite the vehement protests, Joon picked you up then. Hooking your thighs around his waist and crushing his lips to yours. Holding you and refusing to let go, he grappled his way to the shower. Steam quickly fogging the glass. He pressed you against the cold tiles, your clothes soaking thin, and touched you in ways that he hadn’t in months.

‘Thank you’ he kept repeating, peppering your skin with it, breathy and high with adrenaline. You laughed and ran your fingers against the grain of his scalp, felt his hands tighten on your thighs.

‘Show me how thankful you are.’

#Bts #namjoon fic #kim namjoon #rm #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #bts oneshot #namjoon one shot #namjoon x y/n #this is so touch starved #rm x y/n #namjoon buzzcut #Namjoon hair #rm hair #kim seokjin #park jimin #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #kim taehyung

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katnisspeetaprim · 1 year

Text

B.S Standards pt.1

Kim namjoon/Reader

Summary: Ever since moving to Korea to be with Namjoon, the high standards for beauty have been taking a toll on your self esteem...

Warnings: Body image, swearing, over exercising, vomiting, pregnancy

Word Count: 1728 M.list

Before moving to Korea you never had any issues with the way you looked or even your weight. You knew you weren’t the skinniest girl in the world, but you still loved yourself. That was until you moved to Korea and found that most high street stores didn’t even carry your size. This caused you to pretty much have an internal breakdown, having not realised just how strict their beauty and weight standards were before hand.

Namjoon had been amazing, doing his best to make you feel better about the situation. He was silently cursing himself for not having the foresight to warn you about the sizing in stores, not having really had to deal with it himself. He’s always been skinny so it just wasn’t something he needed to worry about.

‘Babe if they don’t have your size then we don’t need to give them business.’ He’d reason with you with you as you stormed out of another store, embarrassed beyond belief.

‘Besides, there are so many online options! Will you stop!?’ Namjoon had to jog to keep up with you, having to grab your arm to force you to a stop.

‘That’s not the point Joon!’ You snapped, taking him by surprise when you ripped your arm from his grasp.

‘It’s humiliating to be told point blank I’m too big to shop somewhere...’ Your voice got softer as you spoke, defeat clear in your tone as the emotions finally caught up to you. Namjoons face softened when he saw just how much this was effecting you. To him, you were beautiful, the most perfect woman, and it was breaking his heart that his own countries standards were making you doubt that. He glanced around and noticed that you had caught a few peoples attention with your outburst. Namjoon took your shoulder and quickly guided you to a more secluded section of the street before speaking.

‘Listen to me.’ He was stern as he grabbed your hands. You refused to meet his gaze, trying hard not to cry.

‘You don’t need these high end fancy clothes to be beautiful. If these places wont even cater to bigger sizes, then they aren’t worth your time.’ He gently tilted your chin up so he could see your face.

‘Should I try to loose weight?’ You mumbled meekly, eyes watering as the question fell from your lips.

‘Hey! I don’t want to hear you speak like that!’ Namjoon snapped, immediately wanting to shut that down. Your eyes widened at his harsh tone.

‘If you want to loose weight, you do it for you! Not some bullshit standard!’ he grasped your arms tightly as he spoke, more tightly than you are sure he meant to. He knew he may have been a little sharp, but it was what you needed to hear.

‘I do want to do it for myself...’ You trailed off, trying to convince yourself more than anything. Namjoon thought over your words for a few moments before sighing, releasing your arms to rub at his face.

‘If that’s what you truly want, then let me help you.’

Over the next few months, you had been working overtime in the gym. You had basically taken over a spare room in yours and Namjoons home and turned it into a home gym, spending more money than you wanted to admit to. You’d bought all different kinds of workout machines, not even really knowing how to use most of them when they arrived, but you quickly managed to figure it all out thanks to helpful YouTube tutorials. It would have been a lot cheaper to just get a gym membership, Namjoon had even offered to introduce you to his gym, but that would mean working out whilst other people, strangers, were present. Whilst you knew that other gym goes most likely wouldn’t pay you any mind, you didn’t want to deal with the anxiety that would come with a public gym.

Namjoon had been supportive of you trying to loose weight. He’d even been helping you just like he said he would, joining you for your workout’s and giving you different sets to work through that worked well for him in the past. He would then always make sure that you were eating properly afterwards too.

You definately noticed the difference, already dropping a whole dress size thanks to your nearly constant exercise over the past few months and not to mention the dieting, but it wasn’t enough for you yet... You needed to fit into those clothes that you couldn’t before.

‘Y/N?’ There was a light knocking on the door to your gym. Pausing your workout, you turned to see Namjoon pushing through the door.

‘You’re still working out? Have you not stopped since I left earlier?’ Namjoons face scrunched up in concern as he checked the time on his watch. He had to run to his studio earlier to help Yoongi out with a new track. He popped his head into the room before he left so he knew you were working out for a while already. He had been gone for around 2 hours so he had expected you to be finished and showered up by now, but here you still were.

‘I took a short break, but I’m not done yet.’ You were breathing heavily as you spoke, exhaustion winning you over. You cringed as you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. Your face was beat red and drenched with sweat, not to mention your hair, which was sticking out in all different angles.

Your whole body ached, all you wanted to do was rest and relax. It didn’t help that you were also feeling nauseous all day, but you knew you had to push through it. You took a step towards your weights, when suddenly your head became fuzzy, causing you to loose balance and nearly toppling over.

‘Y/N!’ Namjoon was quick on his feet as he rushed to steady you.

‘This has gone too far. You need to rest.’ He demanded, not willing to take no for an answer. He grasped onto you tightly, almost fully holding you up by your arms.

‘I’ve been feeling so tired and sick the past few days...’ You trailed off, finally giving in to your body. A pained groan slipped from your mouth and you grasped your forehead as a wave of pain shot through.

‘And you’re making yourself worse by pushing so hard.’ He shook his head as he lead you towards the bedroom.

‘I think I’m gonna be sick!’ You suddenly blurted out, pushing away from him roughly and darting to the toilet, just as bile began to build up in your throat. You made it just in time to let out the contents of your stomach into the toilet.

You felt Namjoon come up behind you and start rubbing your back as you continued to throw up.

‘Maybe you should see a doctor Y/N, this isn’t good.’ Namjoon was no longer angry, now he was just worried. Surly over exercising wouldn’t cause you to throw up like this, so something else must be going on.

‘No, no doctor. I’ll be fine.’ You forced out before another wave of vomit came up. Namjoon decided to let it go for now, knowing there was no use arguing with you when you were like this. For now, he would do his best to make sure you were taken care of.

You weren’t fine, in fact over the next few days, the vomiting and fatigue only got worse. After almost a week of this with no signs of stopping, Namjoon suggested that you take a pregnancy test.

‘You can’t be serious Joon!’ You stared at him wide eyed as you sat up in bed.

‘I’m dead serious.’ He stared down at you, face hard and unmoving. ‘When you refused to see a doctor I looked up your symptoms and it makes sense.’ You rolled your eyes as he explained but you said nothing, not wanting to believe that what he was saying could be true.

‘Please just humour me Y/N.’ You looked over to see him pulling a home test out of a pharmacy bag. You stared at the test in disbelief.

‘Joon are you insane!? What if someone saw you buying that?’ You exclaimed.

‘I don’t care about that, just please.’ He pleads with you , holding out the test for you to take. You looked at it for a moment before sighing in defeat. Using the small amount of energy you had left, you forced your way out of bed and snatched the test from his hand.

‘Wait out here.’ You grumbled as you walked into the en suit bathroom. Namjoon just nodded, not wanting to push his luck since he’d finally gotten you to agree.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. Neither of you had really talked about having children. It was like a silent agreement between the two of you that focusing on your careers was the most important thing right now. Though Namjoon couldn’t stop the small smile appearing at the thought of having a baby with you.

He hadn’t even noticed you leaving the bathroom until the test was thrust into his line of sight. He jumped back and glanced up at you, unable to read your expression, before looking back down to the test. 2 pink lines stared back at him.

‘I guess you were right.’ You trailed off nervously, not really sure what to think in that moment.

Namjoon stared at the test, mouth agape, before transforming into the biggest grin possible. He was up in a flash and pulling you into the tightest hug, taking you by surprise.

‘Y/N this is amazing news!’ You could tell from his tone of voice that he was over the moon. You had always thought that you wanted kids, but now that you had worked so hard to loose all your weight, you couldn’t help but think about how you were about to put it all back on.

‘Yeah...’ You whispered back, wrapping your arms round his neck. More to comfort yourself, rather than a happy embrace. You couldn’t let him know you were upset. You wouldn’t let your own insecurity ruin his chance at having a happy family...

#bts #bts x reader #imagine #one shot #scenario #drabble #reaction #smut #fluff #angst #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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jjungkookislife · 6 months

Text

Kinktober Day 10

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟday 10: mirror sex *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

♡ pairing: namjoon x f. reader

♡ genre: established relationship, smut [18+]

♡ summary: Namjoon wasn't a huge fan of the mirrors in your bedroom at first, but he seems to be appreciating them now

♡ wc: 506

♡ warnings: hair pulling, unprotected sex, mirror sex, masturbation (f.), spanking, creampie

♡ date: October 24, 2023

Namjoon hadn’t been a big fan of the mirror on the headboard or the one on the wall beside your bedroom but he was coming around to it now that he was balls deep inside you, one hand tangled in your hair, the other gripping your hip to pull you into him.

Your moans filled the bedroom. The loud smack of your hips meeting his sounded absolutely sinful to your ears. Namjoon groaned, cursing when he looks at the mirror just to see your hungry eyes staring back at him, pleasure evident on your face as he fucks you harder.

“That’s it, baby. Take my cock just like that,” Namjoon growls. He bites his bottom lip, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

You’d been unable to keep your hands off him all day. You’d gone down to the basement where his home gym was and stared at him working out in front of the mirror. You took photos of his bare torso, nearly salivating as you ran up the stairs to your bedroom, ripping your clothes off and slipping your hand between your thighs with your photos on your phone.

“Busy?” Namjoon chuckles when he leans against the doorway. You’re startled and a little embarrassed, but it was nothing your husband hadn’t seen before.

“Didn’t want to interrupt your workout,” you explain as you set your phone on the nightstand. Namjoon chuckled as he joined you on the bed, kissing you deeply.

Now, Namjoon looks at his reflection in the mirror on the wall. He licks his lips as he watches your beautiful body fucking back into him. He slowly grinds against you, hands running over your back before gripping your hips in his huge hands and cursing.

He looks down at where your bodies connect, his cock throbbing. You’ve soaked your thighs, his cock, and the sheets already. He knows you won’t last much longer. The way you’re moaning his name is a warning, and he smirks as he smacks his hand on your ass.

“Joon!” you gasp as you turn your head to watch him fuck you in the mirror. You nearly drool at the sight of his broad body, so big and muscular behind you. You whine, eyes rolling back into your head when he rubs your clit in just the way you like.

You do your best to look into the mirror, wanting to watch him come undone as you tighten around him.

“Fuck, baby. Just like that. You take my cock so well, fuck.” Namjoon is panting, groaning, and moaning your name as he fucks you harder, deeper.

“Please!”

Namjoon smirks, rubbing your clit again just to watch you tremble and fall apart again, taking you with him.

“Fuck, yes. That’s it, love. Fuck,” he curses, groaning as you milk him dry. He wipes his forehead, grinning happily as he slowly pulls out, pushing what cum escapes back inside you.

When he lies beside you, he looks up at the ceiling. “What if we get a mirror up there?”

“Joon!”

kinktober masterlist

#namjoon smut #namjoon x reader insert #namjoon fanfic #bts kinktober #namjoon drabble #namjoon x reader

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borathae · 10 months

Text

↳ Index [Chapter 35 - Holidays]

Warnings: big sad but also big mad, magical torture, twisted mind games, the crazy continues, Jimin is a sweetheart, Tae honestly deserves a break poor boy, the grief is strong in this one, also there is one scene in this chapter where she tries to eat but gets really revolted by the food and almost throws up from it, I wanted to put a warning for that too because I don’t want to trigger anyone who struggles with an ED or is recovering from one, if you want to skip this scene it begins at the breakfast scene & ends once Tae talks about “his plans”

Wordcount: 11.3k

a/n: i wanted to give joon a redemption arch at one point but tbfh he pissed me off sm in that chapter now i just wanna fight him ahhaha

“Are you still working on the painting?” he asks.

Taehyung lifts his head from the painting. His eyes light up.

“Jiminie! You’re back”, he greets him and stands up to get to him. He wipes his dirtied hands on his pants, “how was the drive?”

“Bad. I outdrove a storm, it’ll come soon”, Jimin says and leans in for a chaste kiss on the lips. Taehyung, however, pulls him close again, hugging him tightly.

“I missed you so much”, he murmurs into the crook of Jimin’s neck, inhaling deeply afterwards to remind his heart how he smells. Orange blossoms and cold air. The once potent scent of blood wasn’t lingering on Jimin anymore these days, now that Namjoon doesn’t regularly force him to hunt humans for fun. Taehyung thinks that Jimin smells so much better these days.

Jimin ruffles the back of Taehyung’s hair, “I missed you too, Tete.”

Taehyung ends the hug by stepping back and running his palms over Jimin’s cheeks in a soft caress.

“You look handsome.”

Jimin smiles, “thanks and you look…” he runs his eyes up and down Taehyung’s features, “...exhausted.”

Taehyung lowers his eyes, playing with his hair.

“I haven’t slept well lately. ___ wakes up crying out for Yoongi a lot. I am scared to leave her alone, so I stay by her side most nights. I can’t fall asleep because her racing pulse keeps me awake.”

“I see. I’m sorry.”

“I do it gladly. I do not want her to suffer alone.”

“Mhm”, Jimin hums and nods his head, “where is she, Tete?”

“The last I saw of her, she went to Yoongi’s wing.”

“Mhm, of course”, Jimin says and turns his back to Taehyung, “thanks. I’ll talk to her.”

“Mimi?”

“Yes?”

“What did she tell you?”

Jimin’s face turns rather stoic. He studies Taehyung’s features and sighs.

“I’ll tell you later. Yeah?”

“Yes”, Taehyung says and presses out a small, “fuck.”

Jimin leaves Taehyung’s wing and hurries downstairs.

“Jimin, hey.”

He meets Jungkook in the entrance hall. The younger vampire was in the middle of leaving his wing to go to the ballroom gym for a workout. Jungkook works out obsessively these days. It’s the only thing which keeps thoughts from forming in his mind. When he pushes himself to the point where he kneels on the floor retching and gagging from exhaustion, he can’t hurt. He can’t miss Yoongi that way. He can’t worry for his sire and he can’t worry for you slowly killing yourself in an attempt to save your shared love.

It would have been his third workout today and he planned on going for a fourth one later.

“Hey, Kook”, Jimin greets him.

“Since when are you back?” Jungkook asks, jogging up to Jimin.

“I just arrived.”

“I see. What did she say?”

Jimin tightens his jaw and places his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. He gives him a tight squeeze.

“We should look for ___ first”, he says.

“Is it that bad?”

“Let’s just look for her”, Jimin dismisses him and slides his hand to Jungkook’s wrist. He holds it gently, tugging at it, “come. Tae said she’s in Yoongi’s wing.”

Jungkook follows him with a painful lump in his throat.

“Please tell me. What did she say?”

“We’re almost there.”

“Oh god, it’s bad isn’t it?”

Jimin stays silent. He shoves the heavy door open and leads Jungkook inside. The door to Yoongi’s bedroom is open. Lights shine into the hallways. The two vampires quicken their steps.

Like always, you are sitting by the bed hunched over and with inaudible whispers leaving your lips. They aren’t really inaudible to the sensitive ears of vampires however.

Jungkook and Jimin can hear fractions of “we gotta make sure your nails aren’t too long” and “is the pressure of the file okay for you, my love?”

There are new flowers on the bedside table. The old bouquet is discarded on the floor. It looks sad and rotten.

New fractions reach their ears. You are putting cream on Yoongi’s hand as you speak, “there we go, now your skin won’t crack in the dry air.”

Jimin and Jungkook look at each other, mirroring the sadness and pity to feel for the situation. Even now you are making sure that Yoongi is well taken care of. You look so tired and exhausted and yet here you are, making sure that he feels comfortable.

You wiggle your fingers between Yoongi’s and squeeze his hand gently. They can hear how you inhale in a shaky sniffle.

“How’s that, my love?” you whisper, swaying your hands from side to side, “it’s getting so cold these days that we have to keep the heaters running. It’s so hard to keep the castle warm”, you say and laugh painfully, guiding his hand to your cheek. You rub your face on it slowly, “you are so cold. Oh my love, you are so cold. You should be warm. Why are you so cold?”

“___?” Jungkook tries quietly, fighting back tears. He can’t bear to watch you. It breaks his heart into a million pieces.

You flinch and for just a second you look out of breath. For only a second however and then you straighten your back and turn. Your eyes are red and glassy, your lips are pressed into a thin line. For only a second because then your eyes fall onto Jimin and they light up.

You place Yoongi’s hand down as gently as possible and get to your feet. You run to him, welcoming him by grabbing both his upper arms.

“And? What did she say?” you begin shaking him, “what did Thea say? Can she help? Does she know what to do? Can she help Yoongi? Tell me. T-talk to me.”

Jimin takes your hands and lowers them.

“___ I-”

“Tell me!” you stress, squeezing his hands. Your eyes are widened and your pupils dilated.

“She said that she never heard of such a spell and that she has no idea what to do.”

“No”, you press out, shaking your head vigorously, “no, you’re fucking lying. No. No! No don’t lie to me. No, she knows what to do.”

“___”, Jungkook presses out with tears in his eyes and reaches for you. His shaking fingers close around your arms, his face contorts in pain. He pulls you into a hug and sobs into your neck miserably while you still stare at Jimin with widened eyes.

“You’re lying. She didn’t tell you that.”

“I’m sorry she did”, Jimin whispers.

And while Jungkook’s sobs grow in volume, you continue to shake your head. Your face is frozen, showing no ounce of emotion even if your scent is soaked in heartbreak and disappointment.

“Then, then she didn’t look properly. Call her and tell her to look again.”

“___ I don’t think this is going to help.”

“Call her!”

“No”, Jimin throws back, “we had every single witch in Paris involved in finding a cure. Maël called every alpha he knew and none could help. A call won’t do anything.”

“Oh.”

You look away.

Jungkook squeezes you and sobs your name. His body is shaking from how terribly he cries.

You blink for the first time since they entered the room. There are still no tears escaping your eyes.

“Okay”, you say, “okay, that’s okay. Fine. Then I’ll uhm”, you seem lost for a second. Jimin can see it in your eyes, “I’ll just…just…uhm”, you look away, “the potions! Yeah I’ll, I’ll just make potions. Yes, that’s what I’ll do”, you say and without looking at him once, wiggle yourself out of Jungkook’s hug.

You look over your shoulder at Yoongi. Both Jungkook and Jimin can actually hear how one of your heartstring breaks. It sounded painful. Both their chest ached because of it.

“I’ll just do that”, you whisper and turn to leave without looking at them. They can see how your hand lifts to wipe at your eyes when you are by the door and then you must hide yourself with magic because they can’t hear you anymore.

Jungkook turns to Jimin. The older vampire studies his tearstained face. Jungkook’s lips turn downwards and begin to tremble.

“Do you want a hug?”

“Yeah”, Jungkook whimpers and falls into Jimin’s open arms.

You will be gone for two days. No attempt to find or contact you will be successful. You will return without explanations, you will silently eat the food they prepare and then you will lock yourself in the library again. The answer to where you had been and what you had done won’t ever leave your lips.

They honk their car as they arrive. You can hear it from the study. It’s a surprise that they arrived so early. The snow storm is at its worst today. It was better yesterday, but is awful today.

You can hear them talk outside. You already hate what will follow. You don’t want to be disturbed. You can’t stop. Not now. You are almost finished with the chapter.

A knock on the door lets you know that your worst nightmare is becoming reality. The door opening makes it real. You lower your head to the book. You are almost finished. Why did they have to come now?

“Happy Holidays”, Seokjin is the one to speak first, walking into the room in big steps.

Emma follows with a bouquet made out of conifer tree branches and rose hips. The smell disgusts you. It smells good. Why would they bring you something good?

“Happy Holidays ___”, Emma singsongs only to get stopped by Seokjin with a hand on her shoulder. They exchange a knowing look.

“Hey”, you dismiss them with a flick of your wrist. You flip the page.

“The uhm, drive was smoother than we thought it would be”, Seokjin says.

You don’t answer him, flipping the pages and scribbling something into your papers. You won’t be able to decipher it ever again because of your cramping hand messing up the letters.

“How are you doing?” Seokjin asks.

“Good.”

“Yeah? You seem…”

You lift your eyes in warning.

“…tired”, Seokjin says and smiles worriedly, “did you work a lot today?”

You look at the watch. Well fuck. It’s ten past nine already. You started work seventeen hours ago. And you didn’t get anything? No new spells? No new revelations? Nothing? Fuck. You rip the page at its corner as you flip it angrily. The words are so blurry in your eyes, but you blink it away.

“I didn’t. I only just started”, you murmur, forgetting all about them in the room. At least you hope to do so.

“Well uhm”, Seokjin touches the side of his neck in slight helplessness, “we are planning to unpack and then have dinner with the others. Can we count you in?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll join you”, you dismiss him, not meaning a word of it.

Emma and Seokjin exchange a look.

“Well then, we’ll see each other soon?”

“Mhm yeah.”

They leave the room and won’t see you for the rest of the evening. You forget about them the moment the door closes and won’t think of them again. You will fall asleep on your desk that night until you wake again four hours later and start your search anew.

The air is warm and smells of roses. The sound of a fountain is filling your ears. You are in the greenhouse. Somewhere a piano is playing. You know the melody instantly. It is the melody Yoongi used to accompany the sweet words in his notebook. You remember when he sang them to you quietly and shyly in the dim and calm morning when people were waking up from the witches’ party. It was the morning you and Yoongi were so incredibly drunk at Meredith’s place. You and Yoongi just finished loving each other and were talking in bed about the comfort of being with each other when Yoongi had an idea. He decided to hurry downstairs to get his guitar and then he drunkenly performed Your Song in nothing but his long shirt. He was so endearing back then. The melody is coming from outside. Right behind those golden doors. You set off to run the moment you realise what was happening.

You throw yourself against the golden doors, stumbling through them and right into his wing. Your mind doesn’t take in the illogicality of the layout. You are just happy to finally see him again. The light bulbs are changed. It is finally bright in here. The melody is so loud in your ears.

“My prince!” you call out, crying tears of happiness, “my prince, you’re awake!”

The music room is open. You stumble into it. The lights are on, illuminating him from behind. His skin is golden in life.

“Yoongi!”

He lifts his head.

The music stops.

His eyes soften and his lips curl into a warm smile.

“You’re finally here. I was waiting for you”, he says.

You don’t understand what he means by that, but you don’t want to ask. Yoongi is back. He is finally back.

“Yoongi, my beloved Yoongi”, you press out and barely manage to get to him. Blinded by your tears and limps overtaken by happiness, all you want to do is break down and cry for hours, “you are finally back.”

Yoongi reaches for you, “come here”, he says, opening his arms for you. His fingers are so close to intertwining with yours. So close.

“My love I-”

Darkness drags him away within a second. Strong, invisible hands drag you into the opposite direction of wherever he loses himself in. You screech his name, but too late. The hands are dragging you away and Yoongi disappears in darkness.

You flinch awake.

“No!” you scream, lifting your arm to throw whoever touched you across the room.

“It’s me. It’s just me”, Taehyung blurts out, stumbling back quickly.

“Taehyung”, you lower your arm, “no. No, why would you wake me? I didn’t- for once I- for once I didn’t feel anything.”

“You, you didn’t?” Taehyung’s voice breaks in heartbreak, “darling, you just passed out in the middle of the hallway. W-what do you mean you, you didn’t feel- oh god”, Taehyung bites down on his tongue. He is so heartbroken. He thought that loosing Jimin will be the most pain he could ever feel, but watching you destroy yourself like that hurts just as much. He was on his way to your wing when he saw your passed out form lying lifelessly in the middle of the hallway. Your heart was barely beating and your lungs barely took in air. And so he shook you and begged you until you finally flinched awake.

“What are you talking about?” you hiss, “I was with Yoongi for once. Why would you wake me?”

Taehyung shakes his head, “no you weren’t. You were dying. Your heartbeat was barely there.”

“No I was- he was- no I was with him”, you sit up, “holy fuck, I was with him.”

“No, you weren’t! Whatever you saw was death reaching out for you.”

“Holy shit”, you can’t even hear what Taehyung is telling you, “shit, I wasted so much time. I need to get back to my research”, you say, peeling yourself up even if everything hurts.

“Please don’t go”, Taehyung begs, holding you by your shoulders. You don’t notice it, but he is the only reason why you are even standing in the first place.

“I need to get to the library. Yeah, I think I’ll go now. The storm’s not that bad”, you talk to yourself, eyes already glued to the far, far away front door.

“No, you need to stay here please”, Taehyung begs, stepping to the side as you are trying to flee. He blocks your way like that.

“Taehyung let me pass. I’m totally fine.”

“No, you are not. You are going to actually die if you go out into this storm.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll keep myself warm with my magic.”

“You can barely even keep yourself standing. No amount of magic could help you tonight.”

“Taehyung, get out of my fucking way. The library closes in an hour and I need to get the books. Tonight.”

“They will still be there tomorrow.”

“I have to get them tonight, Kim Taehyung. Tonight.”

Taehyung doesn’t know what hurts more. Being addressed by his full name by someone who once called him the sweetest nicknames or knowing that you still continue breaking yourself even if your body already showed you that it was at its limits.

“Please stay with me”, he begs with his voice frail in agony.

“Let go of me, I’m not saying it again.”

“Oh god”, Taehyung croaks and feels as tears fill his eyes, “I’m begging you, just stay with me. Please.”

With a trembling sigh, you watch the tears roll down his cheeks. Clarity comes back to you. What are you doing? You can’t be angry at him. Not Taehyung. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Fine. I’ll stay”, you whisper, “but only if I can sleep in your bed tonight.”

“Yes, please”, he is still begging even now after you promised him to stay, “please, just stay close to me”, he pleads and picks you up to carry you to his wing.

You listen to him talk to Jimin that night. He isn’t aware that you are still awake.

“I can’t take much more, Jimin. She is destroying herself and I am watching helplessly. All I am trying to do fails. I am helpless. And it is breaking me into a million pieces”, Taehyung said that night and then sobbed in Jimin’s arms. You don’t witness when Jimin finally manages to calm him down as you passed out in pure exhaustion before that could happen.

You snap your fingers. The torches flicker on. The chains make a sound as he moves.

Your eyes are pinned to him, not breaking away. They are cold in hatred.

“Well fuck”, he lets out and laughs mockingly, shaking his head, “hello there, little one.”

You tighten your jaw.

“It’s a party upstairs, isn’t it?” he laughs mockingly, “why are you here? Did the others not want you partaking in the festivities?”

You tighten your jaw. It was the night of your winter holiday party tonight. Taehyung hired people to decorate the estate. Seokjin and Emma cooked dinner. They all bought presents for each other, currently celebrating in the big dining hall with the fireplace burning and a big tree loaded with decoration. They didn’t notice when you left. Dinner is almost done so Emma told the group. You should sing karaoke in the meantime so Hoseok suggested. It feels like mockery to you. Offensive mockery. How could they celebrate when your family wasn’t whole? How could they laugh and sing and dance when Yoongi wasn’t with you? When he was still sick? Their good mood felt like offensive mockery to you. And so you left. Finding yourself in the only place which didn’t make you angry. At least not for the same reasons. Looking at Namjoon fills you with true anger. And hatred. Such hatred.

“What? Did you come to bore me?” Namjoon challenges.

“Funny. How you still think that you can act like a fucking cunt when I clearly have the upper hand.”

Namjoon shows you a lopsided smile, “tell me how is your beloved doing? What was his name again? Ah yes. How is Yoongi doing?”

“Don’t fucking say his name! You know exactly how he is doing! You put him into the state he is in now!” you yell at him, painting victory onto his features. You understand. He has the upper hand. That’s what he wanted to show you with the question. By reacting that emotional you showed him how much power he still has over you.

“Of course. How terribly rude of me to forget”, Namjoon says and smirks gleefully, “so how is the search for a cure going?”

You want to scream at him again, but you shouldn’t. This is exactly what he wants to happen. You already gave him too much power. You bite down on your tongue and straighten your back.

“It’s going very well actually, thank you for asking”, you say as calmly as possible.

“Oh this is wonderful. The little piglet is trying to lie to me”, Namjoon scrunches his nose up in disgusted wonder.

You darken your gaze. He laughs upon watching it happening.

“Oh! I know something fun”, he says, widening his eyes, “let’s play a little game. I call it the guessing game. I guess why you are here and you yell at me. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“Why are you the way you are?” you say, feeling so…disgusted. You can’t even explain it, but you do. He ignores your question.

“Now. I think that you are here because you are desperate. Desperate for answers as to why I did it”, he pouts, “why did I hurt poor, little Yoongi oh so very much?” he mocks your voice, trying to look as heartbroken as he can.

You clench your hands to fists. Namjoon soaks up the view with hungry eyes.

“And now you are wondering how you could hurt me. But you won’t and you want to know why, little one?” Namjoon steps closer until the chains stretch and his arms are lifted just slightly above his head, “because despite your wonderful hatred for me, you hope that I find it in myself to help you.”

You are very sure that he saw you react in surprise. He figured you out.

“Congratulations on finally realising that you are a witch. It must be exhausting having so much power and no one to guide you. So what better teacher is there than one of the very few, who was present when it was all created?” he runs his eyes up and down your body, “and given how your beloved is currently, well…busy and Yaeji hasn’t shown her face in two centuries, it leaves me”, he straightens up, finally showing you his real size proudly, “tadala.”

You want to hurt him. You really, really do. You want to make him feel the kind of pain you have to feel each and every fucking day.

“Now tell me how right I was. Go on tell me”, Namjoon insists.

“Given how you like to talk big already lets me know that you have no idea how to help me, so this right here was a waste of air”, you spit, turning to leave. If you stay any longer he will actually make you scream again.

“Oh? Ohohoho I hurt your pride”, he coos and laughs, “oh, I’m sorry. Did I step on your little toes, mhm?”

“What do you want?” you hiss, whipping back around to send him a deathly glare, “it’s not like being annoying is going to get you out of that cell.”

“Oh, but I don’t have to get out of this cell. Not when I’m in your little mind day in and out. I’m right where I want to be. Haunting your thoughts.”

You let out a breathy laugh, taking a step back in disbelief.

“What did I do to you? Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you, little one. I just love playing with you”, he says with innocent eyes, the kind which taunt you, “you can’t outsmart me, little one. I’ve been one step ahead of you ever since you started your little game of chase. I was in the shadows which kept you awake at night, I lingered in the silence when you thought yourself to be alone, every step you and your pathetic lover took, I already took before you. I am the goddamn master of games and I love to play”, he smiles, “I could do this all day.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m done playing your games. Either you tell me how to get Yoongi out of this mess or I’m leaving again.”

“Now that’s disappointing. Giving up so soon already?” his smile drops mechanically but the amused fire in his eyes stays, “I thought that you had more in you than that. Where is the fighter I love so much, mhm? The woman who clawed at the chair in fear but told her pathetic lover that it wasn’t his fault that he would rip her to shreds? Or the little girl who ran through the dark forest despite knowing that all the running in the world wouldn’t save her from death? Come on ___, give me a challenge.”

“Yeah? And despite all of that I’m still here. So where is the oh so skilful killer everyone sees you as, mhm? You couldn’t kill me all the times you tried. Sounds pretty pathetic to me.”

“But ___, I killed Yoongi.”

The second of victory you felt gets snuffed out and deep, painful hatred replaces it again.

Namjoon smiles brightly, showing you his teeth.

“Oh you are so much fun!” he exclaims and giggles, “you should see your face right now.”

“Fucking die!” you scream.

“Oh?” Namjoon lets out, widening his eyes in honest surprise as sharp pain courses through his head, “that’s interesting”, he laughs, “yes, that’s wonderful. Make my brain explode. How does it feel? How does it feel to hurt another person?”

“Shut up!” you yell, deepening your magic to the point where Namjoon bleeds out of his nose.

“Yes, give me everything. That’s it!” he exclaims, lips curling into a blissed grin. He writhes in pain, eyelids fluttering twice before he focuses his piercing gaze on you again, “it feels amazing doesn’t it? The power that comes with hurting another person is indescribable, isn’t it?”

“Be quiet, you disgust me so fucking much.”

“I disgust you? Ah ___ you are amazing”, he moans, throwing his head back and crying bloody tears, “I can feel it. I can feel my brain liquefying and fighting to heal. Oh it hurts so much”, he laughs, arching his back, “this is wonderful. The power you have, oh the carnage we could cause together if only you’d accept me.”

“Oh my god, be quiet”, you screech, spilling angry tears. You broaden your magic to the rest of his body, thinking about boiling his insides.

Namjoon yelps up, tugging at the magical chains holding him hostage.

“I hate you so much. I want you to die!”

“Yes, sweet girl yes!” Namjoon’s voice is muffled by the blood spilling out of his mouth, “hate me. Loathe me. Fucking crave my death! This is how it starts”, he growls, bloodied eyes focused on you in mad pleasure, “this is how it fucking starts”, he laughs and moans, knees buckling in weakness now that you are burning his lungs, “how I want you”, he chokes out, eyes focused on your face, “I could make you my equal. Together we could rule this world! He made you his princess? I could make you my queen!” he roars, “beautiful and twisted and dark as the night. My queen of carnage and suffering! Accept me ___!”

“Shut up!” you scream.

He starts gasping and coughing, unable to speak and you love it. You love that he doesn’t talk back anymore, finding comfort in the way he writhes in fight for air. You love that for just a second you have power over him. You are holding your hand over the flames of his life and with just one movement you could suffocate it and him right with it. You are the master of this game and you decide how it ends.

Namjoon lifts his eyes and smiles in understanding.

You stumble back. Your magic stops.

Namjoon gasps, growing big again now that pain isn’t dragging him down anymore.

“Yes!” he screams at you, laughing menacingly, “yes sweet girl yes! This was marvellous! Now tell me! Tell me how wonderful it felt to hold my life in your hands! Tell me!”

“Shut up!”

“Tell me how it felt to watch my creations die for your experiments. I bet you must have been so heartbroken about your failure and yet deep down it felt wonderful to know that you rid the earth of one more vermin. Admit it.”

“I’m not admitting anything! I hated it.”

“Don’t lie to me, I can sense when you do!”

“Well you are wrong. I hated every second of it.”

“Why are you lying? Why are you pretending as if you didn’t love it?”

“Because I didn’t!”

“Yes you did! Pain and death. Those things fuel you, admit it!”

“There is nothing to admit. If you hadn’t hurt Yoongi, I would have never turned into who I have to be.”

“Have to be?” Namjoon laughs, “you have to be nothing. You decided to let your pathetic grief turn you into an artist.”

“An artist?”

“Art, sweet girl. Pain, death, misery. It’s the most beautiful art a person can create. Oh to watch a person go from laughably confident to desperately pleading until heartbroken acceptance washes over them as they finally realise that death is imminent”, Namjoon pauses to writhe in pleasure, “it’s the most magnificent artwork one can create and you?” he gives you a lopsided smile, “you have potential for greatness.”

“You are disgusting.”

“Another lie.”

“I’m not lying! Stop it! I’m not lying!” you scream even if that makes him laugh.

“Of course you are. Lying to me, yourself, your friends. You pretend to be the good girl of the past, but you and I both know that you have long become an image of me.”

“No, I haven’t!”

“Of course you have, that is why you get off on killing my creations.”

“I’m not getting off on it.”

"Yes, you are. You love it. You love it so very much.”

“No, you are lying! You, you are saying all of that because you don’t know what else to say.”

“You loved it!” he yells at you, “admit it, little one. You loved it!”

“Yes! Yes, I fucking loved it!” you scream at him, stepping so close that you can smell the toxic stench of his blood, “each and every time I watched another one of your ugly rats die I fucking loved it! I can’t kill you, but at least I can rid the earth of your disgusting little creations and find comfort in the fact that one day you will be the only one left and then you will know that you have finally lost!”

Namjoon smiles, eyes flitting to your lips.

“See?” he rasps, “it wasn’t that hard to admit, was it?”

You stumble back with your heart aching in your chest. You touch your chest, feeling hot tears roll down your cheeks.

“Oh?” Namjoon watches it happening and pulls a grimace of faux worry, “how does he always say? Ah yes! Don’t cry, my princess.”

“Be quiet! Please!” you try to scream at him, but you end up sobbing, “I hate you! Die! Die! Die!” you screech, using every single painful spell you can think of to make him feel what you feel.

“Urgh”, Namjoon lets out, folding in on himself from the pain.

“Die! I hate you so much! You ruined everything!” you yell, kicking his stomach as your magic continues to distort his insides.

Namjoon groans, fighting the chains fruitlessly. The Unbreaking Shackles keep him from winning.

“Yes! Feel the pain! It hurts so much doesn’t it? Feel it!” you screech with mania in your eyes.

“What are you doing?”

You turn upon hearing the shocked voice behind you. Jimin is standing in the threshold, widened eyes racing between you and Namjoon’s writhing body.

“What are you doing here?” you throw back, stumbling back from Namjoon.

“I heard screaming so I thought I’d check it out. What the hell are you doing?”

“Cooking his intestines”, you pant and wheeze, squeezing the tears out of eyes.

“Uuuh…”

You whip around to hit Namjoon’s arm, “shut the fuck up! Stop moaning, you ugly cunt!” you yell at him.

“Impressive, but also what the fuck?” Jimin says.

“What?” you challenge him, “do you have pity for that monster?”

“N-no but still.”

“Urgh, you just ruined this moment. It’s no fun anymore”, you grumble, stopping the spell with a snap of your fingers.

Namjoon groans, throwing up black goo everywhere. He is heaving for air afterwards, body tangling from the chains weakly. You send him one last deathly glare and then turn to stomp out of the room. The torches die out, engulfing the room in pitch black darkness. You bump shoulders with Jimin as you pass him, making him stumble because he didn’t expect it even if he is able to see in the dark.

He catches himself soon enough, hurrying after you.

“You’re really fucking weird lately. Since when are you one for torture?”

“You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t do”, you hiss, almost throwing the door closed on him if he hadn’t caught it before that could happen. Jimin slips into the dark first prison, eyes glued to the back of your head.

“I never said that, but I can still tell you that you’re different.”

“Thanks, losing your boyfriend does that to you.”

“Yeah well, not all is lost. You still have the others and they are waiting for you upstairs.”

“Let them wait.”

The prison door falls closed behind Jimin. Your initial plan was to take the path to your left and disappear in the tunnels, but you can’t do that now with Jimin tailing you like an annoying shadow. So you take the path to your right, clenching your jaw because your plans were all ruined.

“Where are you going now?”

“Away.”

“Are you aware that we made dinner?”

“So? I told you that I’ll eat later.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah you are. I can smell it.”

You scoff and ignore him.

“___”, Jimin says loudly.

You keep walking.

“___ hey!”

You keep walking.

Jimin appears in front of you.

“I’m fucking talking to you.”

“Yeah, sadly.”

“You’re not fucking funny when you’re like this”, Jimin hisses, “get a grip, for real.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Why? So you can go around torturing people again?”

“Urgh”, you growl angrily, thinking of someplace else. You disappear. Or so you think as seconds later, Jimin stumbles into your body after getting dragged with you through the portal.

“What are you doing?” you hiss, taking a step back.

“Oh god”, Jimin groans and bends forward to gag loudly, “I’m gonna be sick urgh”, he retches, holding his own stomach.

“Why did you touch me? I wanted to be alone.”

Jimin lifts his finger, signalling you to give him a moment. He gulps, taking a deep breath afterwards.

“I fucking hate portals”, he murmurs and shudders, “urgh that was the worst.”

“That’s what you get for grabbing me like that.”

“Grabbing you like that? Excuse me, I was merely trying to get you to stay.”

“Well I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to be alone.”

“Yeah. I can see that”, Jimin says, looking around himself.

You are in the middle of the forest, surrounded by snowy conifer trees and leafless scrubs.

“It’s your fault. I was trying to get to the lake, but you interrupted my signals”, you say, stomping off into the direction of the estate. At least you hope that this is where it is.

“Your signals?” Jimin follows, “what? Like a GPS?”

“Basically.”

He snorts, “well, I’m sorry for messing up your magical GPS. It won’t happen again.”

“Tch.”

Jimin dodges a low hanging branch. A little bit of snow drips onto his shoulder because of it.

“Where are you going?” he asks you.

“Back. It’s cold.”

“Exactly. Couldn’t you have teleported us to somewhere warmer?”

“Be quiet.”

Jimin watches you fight off some shrubs. You stomp off confidently once you won.

“___, where are you going?” he calls after you.

“The estate obviously.”

“___!”

You ignore his call. He is so annoying.

“___!”

“What?” you whip around.

“The estate’s this way”, Jimin says, pointing over his shoulder.

You huff out air, stomping into the direction of where he is pointing. You avoid his eyes, not wanting him to know that you were embarrassed by your mistake.

Jimin follows you. On any other day he would have teased you about your mistake, but not today. You look tired and stressed and, quite frankly, broken by the world and Jimin knows better than to tease you. You aren’t yourself, so making mistakes was prone to happen.

“Really quick question. Why aren’t you opening another portal?” he asks you. He isn’t cold, but can see that you are shivering.

“Because it’s not that easy. My magic needs time to charge up again.”

“Well, maybe slow down and you’ll have more energy.”

“I can’t. I’ve already wasted so much time. I wanted to read the book today. Yeah, the one book. Stupid idea. Why did I teleport? I have to read the book.”

“___”, Jimin tries, taking your hand.

“What?” you hiss at him, letting him pull you back closer to him.

He takes off his jumper.

“The fuck are you doing?” you ask him, running your eyes up and down his exposed torso, “you’re stripping? Now?”

“Here”, Jimin says, pushing the jumper against your chest, “put it on, you’re shivering.”

“Oh, uhm”, you eye the blue sweater then his face. He seems determined to give it to you. “Thanks”, you mumble, accepting the jumper to pull it over your head. You feel warmer instantly.

“Sure.”

Jimin sets off, lifting his feet high to manoeuvre through the high snow successfully. You follow him. He looks unaffected by the cold.

“Are you sure that this is the way back?”

“Yes, I can hear the music coming from there. Tae’s playing the violin. Not like you care.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what I meant”, Jimin says, sneaking a glance your way. At least you are walking normally instead of running like a stressed deer. “I’m going to tell you the same thing you told me all those months ago. Tae loves you, so stop being an asshole to him.”

“I’m not being an asshole, the fuck?”

“Yeah you are. You think your whole entire I gotta save the world no matter what act doesn’t hurt him?”

“I’m not- this is not an act. I have to save Yoongi, don’t you get it?”

“I do, oh trust me, I do. If Tae was the one in a magical coma, I’d move heaven and hell to get him back, but you’re losing yourself and with it you are hurting Tae.”

“Tae understands that I have to do it. He’s helping me, isn’t he?”

“He’s only helping you because he’s scared that if he didn’t, you’d work yourself to death”, Jimin hisses with his voice slightly raised, “can you just for once pull your stubborn head outta your ass and think? You were so good at seeing things from other people’s perspective in the past. Where’s that empathy now?”

“Don’t…” you have to gulp, “don’t say that.”

Jimin pauses upon hearing the honest and utter hurt in your voice. He stops while you continue walking.

“Hey ___” he runs after you.

“I have empathy. I, I care for other people. I care. I do care. I care”, you are lost in repeating the same sentence over and over again, “I care. I care. I, I do care. I-I’m not- I’m not like him. I care.”

“Hey”, he tries again, touching your hand.

You flinch, looking scared for just a second before anger replaces it.

“Leave me alone”, you hiss, moving your hand away.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“As if you cared.”

“I do. I care”, Jimin insists and takes a cautious step closer, “I care.”

The honesty in his voice gives you enough reassurance that whatever you said, he will take seriously. And so you speak.

“He said that I’m turning into him. And, and that he killed-”, you can’t continue, “-I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“He lied”, Jimin says, “you are neither turning into him nor did he kill Yoongi. He lied.”

“No, he knew everything I wanted to say and, and why I visited him in the first place and, and he knew that I lied when I said that, that,”, you look at Jimin, remembering that he had no idea about what you have been doing in the tunnels, “it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does”, Jimin says, placing his hand on your upper arm, “Namjoon is abusive and manipulative. He will find the stuff which upsets you the most and he will use it against you until you feel like screaming. Whatever he said to you was nothing but his fucked up way of abusing you emotionally.”

“But he was right. In some parts he was right”, you whisper shakily, “when I hurt him I, I felt victorious. I liked it, Jimin”, you whimper, “I liked it.”

“I mean. Who wouldn’t enjoy a good torturing session with him? I sure as hell know that I’d have a bloody blast if I ever got the chance to do all the things he did to me. But that doesn’t mean you are turning into him.”

“I don’t know.”

“___ believe me”, Jimin cups your face, “I know firsthand how it feels to come out of a conversation with Namjoon. He had his fangs in you the whole time and bullshitted the ever living shit out of you.”

You lower your head.

“But that’s nothing to be ashamed of”, he says, tilting your head up again. He gives you a comforting, empathetic smile, “you came out of that conversation. That’s all that matters.”

“Fuck”, you let out, feeling so incredibly weak, “I’m so goddamn tired”, you confess and with a gentle push, escape Jimin’s grasp.

He watches you continue your defeated walk back to the estate, jogging to catch up with you once you are just far enough away from him.

“You know, if you want to talk-“

“I don’t want to talk anymore”, you interrupt him, “I just wanna get back to the estate and read the damned book.”

“Or perhaps the book could wait and you want to join us for dinner?” Jimin suggests, earning himself a dark look from you, “fine. No more talking.”

The estate is just in sight. Maybe nothing more than eight centimetres of size in your eyes’ view and with its illuminated windows looking like golden dots against the otherwise grey canvas. The walk is still long. Too long. Ending at the same place and situation you have found yourself in for too many weeks. Hopelessness and impasses.

You never should have visited Namjoon. Why did you think that he would help you? That he would be willing to give you answers? You are such a stupid woman sometimes.

“You know that night Yoongi talked to me was actually the night I wanted to leave you guys.”

You sneak a glance at Jimin. There are flakes of snow in his raven hair. They look like stars on the night sky.

“Didn’t we agree on no talking?” you ask him.

“It’s a nice story. You want to hear it, trust me.”

“Fine, then tell me.”

“I was pissed. So goddamn fucking pissed at the fact that I was losing Tae to you guys”, he laughs at himself at that sentence.

“If this is gonna be a story about how you found redemption, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Just listen.”

“I am.”

“Yoongi came to my room that night. I was so pissed at first. Pissed and angry and, and…scared? Yeah, I guess I was really scared too. Because holy fuck, Yoongi’s in my room and I’m fucking alone with him, lost all my strength and I’d been provoking him ever since I returned, surely he was finally here to kill me.”

Jimin takes a deep breath.

“But he didn’t. He didn’t even yell at me. He just looked at me, then the suitcase I was packing and then he asked me what I was doing. So I told him that I was planning to leave because you all piss me off.” Jimin sneaks a glance at you, “sorry, I was being a dick.”

“It’s fine.”

He looks back at the trail.

“What happened next?” you ask quietly because you wanted to know more. Something you didn’t know about Yoongi yet. Something to keep him alive. Even if it just in stories.

“Nothing. He just looked at me. He looked at me for such a long time that I grew almost furious. Why was he looking at me? Does he want to turn me mad before hurting me? That’s what I thought. And I wanted to yell at him, but before I could, he talked. He walked to my bed, sat down at the edge of it and asked me why I treated Tae the way I did when I promised him love.”

Jimin’s breath shudders as he exhales, his hands close to fists.

“And I stared. I stared at him and I didn’t know what to say. And, and my chest ached so much because he asked me something so many people asked me before, but it was him who asked it. Yoongi.”

Jimin blinks rapidly.

“Maybe it doesn’t make any sense to you, but when he asked that question my behaviour with Tae became so painfully real to me. Yoongi never cared about Tae or me or our relationship. Well, at least he pretended not to care. But now he was sitting here in my room, on my bed, and he asked me such an important question. And, and everything ached so much because of it.”

He pauses for a moment. The snow crunches under your feet. You can feel its effect on your skin as it falls from the sky, but you stay cold to it.

“And I told him that I had no idea. I wanted to call him names and tell him to piss off, but I didn’t. I just spoke the truth. That I didn’t know why I treated him like I did. And Yoongi merely nodded his head and hummed and then he was silent again.”

He holds your hand to help you over a high heap of snow, holding your hand on the way down as well. He lets go afterwards, but the warmth of his touch still remained on your skin.

“And it frightened me so much that, that I continued to speak. I told him that I can only get Tae to stay with me if I acted the way I did and Yoongi scoffed and told me that suffocating him will one day end in his fondness for me to suffocate right with him. And he was so right and, and it pissed me off so much. So I called him an asshole and Yoongi looked at me and sighed as if he was disappointed in me.”

He scoffs in amusement.

“And that pissed me off even more, because I, I was being held responsible by Yoongi and that scared me so much. So I told him to stop being nosy and to piss off and Yoongi didn’t say anything, he let me finish my asshole rant. He nodded his head. And then there was silence again and I’m telling you by that point I wanted to cry because it felt like he was torturing me. He, he was supposed to come here to kill me, to be mean to me and to explode like he always did and now he was talking to me. Normally. Patiently. Respectfully. While I called him names. And it hurt so much because I felt so respected while being so disrespectful in return. And that hurt so much. And then he talked again. I remember it clearly.”

He looks at you. You stop. Jimin stops. The snowfall continues.

“He looked into my eyes and told me that despite his distaste for me, he understood why I acted the way I did. And that he was sorry for what Namjoon did to me.”

Jimin breaks eye contact, letting his eyes race over the endless sky. The snow hits his face, but he stays unaffected by it.

“And then he told me that it was my decision to leave, but shall I choose to stay, I could live with the knowledge that Namjoon will never get to me again because he was there to protect me, just like he was there to protect all of you guys.”

He sniffles.

“And then he said that he hoped that one day he and I could finally stop fighting because he doesn’t want my harm, he just wants me to heal from what I’ve been through.”

He listens to the small whimper you let out and feels himself become sad as well.

“He did tell me that I was acting like a big asshole at some point in that conversation, just so we’re clear. He didn’t lose all of his gruff”, he jokes in hopes of turning your whimper into a laugh.

It works. Partially. As it was of incredibly sad nature, just as your scent was soaked in it. So he tries to cheer you up by nudging you with his elbow. It elicits another chuckle and for your eyes to lock with his. Your smile fades out slowly, your eyes race between his’.

“Why did you tell me this?” you ask quietly.

“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you wanted to know a story about him you didn’t know yet.”

An honest smile brushes your face just as quick as a breath of wind does a tree. Sad and aching yearning remains.

“I did”, your voice is barely present, “thank you, Jimin…I guess”, you lower your eyes, “I guess, I don’t know”, you whisper.

Jimin places his hand on your arm, making you look at him. His eyes carry understanding comradery.

“I miss him too”, he whispers, “you will get him back, I promise you.”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Don’t think about what Namjoon said. He was the manipulative cunt he always is. You will reunite with Yoongi.”

“What if-“

“No ifs. There are no ifs. Only when”, he interrupts you, “call me a hopeless romantic, but from what I have learned from living for too many lifetimes, there are certain people meant to meet and be together. And you two are such people.”

“What, like soulmates?” you ask mockingly. There would have been a time in your life where such words would have melted you into a puddle of giddiness. But not anymore. Nothing can melt the iciness you feel each passing day. You just find mocking in the warmth.

“Call it however you want. But I know. I know that no matter where or when you guys would have been born, you would have always found each other.”

You listen. The thought hurts. That no matter how long or short it would have taken the two of you to find each other, you would have. It hurts so much because he isn’t here anymore.

“I just don’t…feel that anymore.”

“Oh be quiet”, Jimin says, giving your arm a squeeze, “I have known Yoongi for almost three centuries, but not once has someone managed to make him commit to more than just a quick fling, let alone turn his emotions on. But you did. Three thousand years and then you come along and make him feel. Feel so greatly that he is laughing and smiling and thinking about life. And if that isn’t proof enough that no matter what happens, the two of you will end up together, then I’ll be fucking damned.”

“I feel like it’s not possible anymore.”

“You may feel like it now, but that’s your exhausted brain talking. Listen to me. You two will dance in the greenhouse again and hug in the sitting room and, and do whatever cheesy shit you guys do in private. I know it.”

You don’t make a sound as the tears begin to fall. You just let it happen, sinking into yourself before Jimin lets you fall safely against his chest instead.

“I know it, ___, I know”, he whispers, holding you the entire time you cry that night outside in the noiseless snowfall.

Consciousness returns to you come morning. You didn’t go to bed after Jimin left you in your bedroom. You left for the library again. The book couldn’t wait. You must have fallen asleep.

You lift your head, flinching in surprise when you finally take in the shadow beside you. Taehyung flinches back, retreating his hand from shaking you by your shoulder.

“It’s only me”, he says, “please don’t hurt me.”

You blink in the bright room. Every inch of your body hurts. Your stomach aches in hunger. You didn’t eat dinner last night. Even if they tried to get you to eat some. You were too upset to feel appetite. The consequences show themselves in the form of a painful stomach cramp.

Taehyung watches you clasp your own stomach and listens to the painful groan you let out.

“Darling, do you want to eat breakfast?” he asks.

“I can’t eat breakfast. I wasted so much time. I need to get back to my research.”

Taehyung watches you as you scramble to your feet to get new books. He follows you. You manage to get as far as five steps and then your knees buckle in weakness. Taehyung circles you, placing his hands on your waist, holding you up that way.

“Eat something first, please”, he tries.

“I’ll do it later. Promise”, you dismiss him, pushing yourself past him.

“No”, Taehyung says and picks you up.

“Hey! What are you doing!? Let me down”, you gasp, growing limp over his shoulder in pure exhaustion.

“You are going to eat your cursed breakfast or so heavens help me.”

“Taehyung, please let me down. I can walk on my own.”

Taehyung does let you down. In the kitchen. Where the others are gathered around the table with a grim and worried expression.

“What are you guys doing here?” you ask them.

“We need to talk”, Seokjin says with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Okay?”

“You have to eat”, Jungkook says, pointing at the food presented on the table.

Taehyung pushes you down on a chair, placing himself beside you to take watch.

“We won’t leave this room until you ate”, Seokjin says sternly.

Leftovers from yesterday’s dinner are waiting for you. Right next to a plate of pancakes. The edges are slightly burned and someone drew a heart on them with chocolate syrup.

You lift your head, staring at Taehyung. His head is lowered, his gaze shy. He is even fumbling with his thumbs, gnawing on his lower lip.

“Did you cook that?” you ask him.

“Yes, I did and I worked very hard on them, so please eat them. And the leftovers, they taste so good. You have to try them. Please.”

With a trembling sigh, you look back at the pancakes. He did that for you, because he wanted you to feel better. They all did that for you, even if you were acting like a total bitch lately.

You pick up the cutlery and cut into the sweet cakes. They are fluffier inside than they may look outside. The first bite almost melts in your tongue from how delicious they are.

“And?” Taehyung asks insecurely.

“They’re really good. Thank you so much”, you whisper, feeling close to tears.

You are so stupid for visiting Namjoon last night. Now all you want to do is cry. You worked so hard to get over that phase and now it’s back. You hate this so much.

Hoseok places a cup of your favourite tea in front of you, sitting down afterwards. Seokjin and Emma join his side. Jungkook sits down opposite of them. Taehyung makes sure that the right amount of milk is in the tea, sitting down next to you.

“Thank you”, you say, tensing up when he places his hand on your arm most tenderly.

“Of course. I just want you to be healthy. You know that, don’t you? We all do.”

“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, you guys. I know I should have stayed with you last night, but I just…couldn’t.”

“We know. Jimin told us everything once you went to bed”, Jungkook reassures you.

You sneak a glance at Jimin. He is sitting next to Jungkook, watching you eat with a stern yet compassionate expression.

“I see”, you whisper. You force yourself to take another bite of the pancakes. So they know you visited Namjoon. They know about what you did to him. You have to fight to swallow the food. It wants to leave you again, but you can’t let that happen. You are so hungry, you have to eat. “Those pancakes are really good”, you press out with a trembling voice, forcing another bite to stay in your mouth.

Taehyung cups the back of your head and pulls you into a soft forehead kiss. It stops some of that awful tension in your chest.

“Eat as much as you want, sweetest.”

“Mh-hm.”

Your gazes meet.

“I’m sorry”, you whisper, “I’m being a lot lately.”

“It’s okay, darling”, Taehyung assures you, giving you a soft smile. He caresses your elbow, “we’ll figure it out together.”

“Yes, we will. Thank you”, you say, leaning closer for another forehead kiss.

One Taehyung retorts happily. He caresses your cheek with the back of his hand once he pulls back.

“Now eat, sweetest. You need the strength.”

You turn to the pancakes and eat them. You feel a little better doing it. Taehyung’s presence helps you feel strong enough not to throw them up again. The others are here too, paying you company. You look at them. Every single one of them gives you a smile when you lock eyes. You have to look away in the end. You want to cry. You really do.

“You guys should eat too”, you whisper, “there is so much food still here, I can’t eat it alone.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Anyone want something to drink to it?” Hoseok offers, standing up to get some coffee.

“Coffee would be lovely”, Emma says.

“For me too”, Jimin says.

The others decline him, but begin sharing the food with you. It tastes better now that you are sharing it with them. You aren’t immune to the feeling of sharing food with your dearest friends. It makes you feel connected to them and maybe for just a little while, you don’t feel alone anymore. The feeling is so strong, even, that after some time you even like the conversation they have, partaking in it with a lighter heart. So much happened in their lives. Seokjin and Emma have started to propagate flowers for the next season. They invite you to come visit them once they start planting them. You accept it under the condition that if Yoongi is better, you will come. Hoseok has started a dance program in town. You had no idea, but apparently the others did. Jimin agreed to help him with setting everything up and they agreed on each teaching a class. Hoseok will teach modern dance while Jimin will have a more classic approach. You are so excited for them and promise to visit them once Yoongi is better again.

Jungkook has been training with Taehyung. He is getting better day by day. You knew he would. He is such a fighter.

And Taehyung plans to take you on a trip to the coast. You promise him to take him up on his offer once Yoongi is back.

“No. We will leave later today”, Taehyung says.

“What?” you gasp. The once sweet sugar cookie starts to taste bitter on your tongue, “but you know that I can’t leave.”

“I know, but you really need a break and I promise you that a few days at the coast will do you well.”

“No they won’t. I have so much stuff to do.”

“Stuff which will still be here once you return. The others all agreed to it. They will care for Yoongi while you and I relax.”

You look at the others.

“You agreed on it? Without asking me?”

“You were never here so we thought that we could surprise you”, Hoseok explains.

“Surprise me? By doing what? Sending me away like a crazy person?”

“We aren’t sending you away like a crazy person. We want you to be able to relax for a few days”, Emma explains, “I promise you that finding a solution will come so much easier to you once you gave your brain a little break.”

“How could you do this to me?” you ask them, looking back at Taehyung, “you can leave without me. I’ll stay.”

“Please darling. I have so much stuff planned to do with you. Can’t you do this for me?”

“But Yoongi.”

“He will be in good hands with the others.”

“I can’t give up on him.”

“I’m not asking you to give up on him, I’m asking you to not give up on yourself in the process! You need a break, please listen to me.”

“A break? You think I can relax when, when I know that, that I’m wasting so much time not doing what I’m supposed to do?”

“You are supposed to relax!” Taehyung is yelling, but you stand your ground.

“No! I’m supposed to safe him! I’m the only fucking person who can do that. I’m the one with magic. I’m the one who, who even put him into this state in the first place.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Taehyung laughs breathily, “you didn’t do that to him. Namjoon did.”

“Yes and I have to reverse it”, you yell because you can’t do anything else anymore, “I can’t give up on him.”

“You are acting reckless.”

“I didn’t give up on you either, did I?”

“But you did!” he yells, slamming his hand on the table. You thought Taehyung yelled before but this is different, this is soaked in pain and hurt and makes the room shake, “you went and fell in love with Yoongi while I was suffering in prison. You gave up on me long ago, be fucking honest!”

“Taehyung”, Seokjin and Hoseok gasp simultaneously.

“Don’t say that”, Jungkook gasps, staring at him with widened eyes.

“Yeah seriously, that’s not true. Even I can see that”, Jimin says.

Taehyung looks between them, then back at you. The utter heartbreak on your face almost shatters him.

“I didn’t mean that”, he says, trying to reach out for you, “my sweetest, I’m sorry, I-”

You step back before he can touch you, staring him down with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Darling”, Taehyung tries.

You turn without saying another word, leaving the room in big steps.

“___ my sweetest, I’m sorry please I-”, Taehyung gets his words cut off by you slamming the door closed right on front of his nose with the help of your magic.

They can hear one more door slamming closed and then you mask yourself with magic, making it unable to hear where you go next.

Taehyung turns, looking at the others with guilt and helplessness on his face.

“Please don’t be angry at me. I, I didn’t mean it”, he begs, breaking down a second later.

Jungkook is loading bags into one of their cars when you finally return. The really fast model with only two seats and way too much horsepower. Everyone, except Taehyung and Jimin, is here.

“What are you doing? Are you leaving?” you ask Seokjin and Emma.

“We aren’t. You and Jungkook are”, Seokjin tells you.

“What? But I told you that I don’t want to go.”

“And we didn’t fucking ask”, Seokjin hisses.

“Wow. Okay. Thanks.”

“Go with Kookie, it will do you good”, Emma says with more compassion in her voice, “you need a break. Taehyung needs a break as well. You know as well as we do that if you don’t take those few days off now, you might lose him.”

You thought about that as you tried to calm down far away from the estate. You know that Taehyung and you are at a breaking point. That one wrong step could ruin everything you built.

“Where is he?”

“Out with Jimin. Taking his mind off of everything”, Emma places her hand on your shoulder, “please go with Jungkook. He promised to let you be grumpy the entire trip.”

You look at Jungkook, who just this moment joined your side. He nods his head, looking at you sternly.

“And if you don’t want to do it for yourself. Do it for Tae. He needs to know that you are taking a break”, Hoseok says, “please ___ do that for him.”

They are right. Like so many times in the past, they are right. And you want to listen to them, even if it is extremely hard.

“Okay. Okay, I will go on this fucking trip”, you say, turning away when they start cheering for you. It feels like mockery to be happy about it. The only reason why you are going is because you want to show Taehyung that you haven’t given up on your relationship.

You hug them as they say their goodbyes, but you don’t feel good doing it. You should be in the library catching up on your books. They wish you a restful time and you wish them a good time. You know that you won’t be resting. You are leaving Yoongi. You are leaving the one person who needs your help.

You cry once Jungkook drives off. And Jungkook tries to comfort you with his hand on your thigh and tears in his eyes.

You cry long into the drive. At some point, Jungkook had to stop at a random shop. It was a carpenter. You got a panic attack. It forced you to throw up on the sidewalk. You are going the wrong way. You are leaving Yoongi. You screamed not at him, but at the injustice of the situation. And Jungkook cried with you and he did so as miserably as you. He only managed to calm you down after you took your ring off and he caressed your temples, kissing your forehead over and over again. He wouldn’t have ever been able to stop the attack otherwise. You continued the drive afterwards. The town is behind you, the endless highway is in front of you. Jungkook gave you some water to drink after crying too much. You finished a quarter of it, now clutching it between your legs. You want to cry more, but you can’t. You are going the wrong way. You shouldn’t put distance between you and Yoongi, you should be with him. Fighting for him. Helping him.

The sign for the exit passes you. You look at it until it disappears in the rear view mirror.

“You just passed the exit”, you tell him dryly.

“I know”, he answers you, speeding up.

You sneak a glance at him.

“We’re not going to the coast”, he explains.

“Huh? But Taehyung-”

“Taehyung decided to stay at the estate, it’s his fault. If he wanted to make sure that we arrived by the coast, he should have come with us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not abandoning Yoongi”, Jungkook tightens his grip on the steering wheel, “we’re not going to the coast, we’re going back to Meredith.”

So he understands. He is still willing to fight for Yoongi. And you will finally get all those books you have been dreaming about. Yoongi’s recovery will be so, so close. Overwhelmed by the happiness you feel, you lean in and kiss his cheek.

Jungkook flusters, sneaking a shy glance at you.

“Thank you, Kook”, you say, stealing one last kiss from him before falling back against the seat.

“Course”, he says and places his hand on your thigh, “you should try to sleep. We’ll drive the entire night.”

You intertwine your fingers with him and rest your head on the window, finally closing your eyes.

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taetaespeaches · 2 years

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“When he laughs at me his dimples show so I kind of like it.”

namjoon x reader (oc) genre: fluff word count: 2.1K

a/n: Hi lovelies! Here we have Joon and Daisy/reader imagining different meet cute situations they could have found themselves in had they not met in a bar that one night. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :))

Peeking over the phone you held in your hands, you watched as your boyfriend entered the bedroom with a pair of workout shorts on and a fitted black muscle tee. Bless, you thought, as you allowed your eyes to roam over his smooth skin and toned muscles. The man was getting ready to leave for one of the workouts that built up those arms, his shoulders, god his chest, you thought again as your eyes glanced over his pectorals and the valley that separated them.

“You’re so hot,” you complimented, lowering the phone slightly to shoot him a smirk as he bashfully smiled at you. “Not fair.”

“Stop it,” he lightly chuckled, the hoodie he was preparing to slip over his body staying in his hands for a moment as you both stared at each other. “You should come with me.”

Groaning at him, Namjoon chuckled once more. “Tomorrow,” you told him. “I want to be lazy today.”

“You deserve it,” he said casually, but with a sincerity that made your skin feel warm with comfort. “I’ll bring you back breakfast,” he noted with a stunning dimply grin. The moment you opened your arms for him the man eagerly stepped toward the bed that you were sprawled out against. Crawling onto the mattress, Namjoon sighed as his body met yours, his arms wrapping around your waist as he nuzzled his face against your chest. “Maybe I don’t want to go anymore,” he hummed against your body, kissing your t-shirt covered sternum.

“Then how will I eat?” You teased, Namjoon lightly laughing in response. “Look at this,” you told him, holding your phone out for him to see. “They’re so freaking adorable.”

It was a photo Jungkook’s girlfriend had posted to her very private Instagram account, Jungkook pouring a cup of laundry detergent into a washing machine at the laundromat they randomly frequented. The caption read: Shout out to Downy for this one <3

“Aww,” Namjoon cooed, fond of his youngest member’s relationship. “They’re so cute,” he added as you swiped onto the next image, the photo closer to Jungkook as he turned and noticed the camera. The next photo was even closer to his face, highlighting Jungkook’s adorable smile.

“I cannot believe they met in a fucking grocery store aisle, that’s such a meet cute situation it doesn’t even seem like it can be real,” you commented. The whole situation with them was so unexpected and random you had to believe they were fated to meet.

Namjoon hummed at your comment before sitting up slightly so he could look up at your face. “How do you think the universe would have brought us together had it not been in that bar that night?”

You smirked at him, brushing his hair off his forehead. The strands were soft, tempting you to keep your fingers weaved between them. “What makes you so sure we still would have found each other?”

“Babe,” he rolled his eyes. “Come on.” As he flashed his dimples at you, your heart squeezed in affection.

You adored his belief in your relationship and in the way you were destined to meet. He was so certain you were meant to be in each other’s lives, not only in this lifetime but in every lifetime before and after the one you were currently experiencing. You found yourself believing it too. Nothing is just pure coincidence.

“Maybe a bookstore? Is that too cliche?” You posed, thinking over how it would have gone down had you seen him through the stacks, standing tall and beautiful, his handsome features pulled into a focused stare as he read over the back covers of various novels.

“Not cliche, we both love reading,” he added, nodding his head. “We would have reached for the same book.”

“Not cliche at all,” you teased, Namjoon glaring at you as he bit back a smile. “Your fingers would have grazed over mine,” you played along, allowing yourself to dream of the chance encounter.

“And I would have felt this jolt of electricity.” You would have snorted at the comment if it weren’t for the way his fingers slipped under your shirt to drag along your bare hip. As the pads followed the dip of your waist, you could feel the current he was talking about.

You stared down at him for a moment before your mouth broke into a small soft grin. “Would you have asked for my number?”

“I would take you out on a date right then and there.” He spoke the confession so quickly and assuredly you couldn’t help but chuckle as you looked at him thoughtfully. You’d never tire of his features. The man was the most beautiful sight you’d ever seen.

“A forward man.”

“For you? Always.” His voice became softer as he spoke, just above a whisper. You smiled at him, shaking your head lightly. “Or maybe we would have met at a museum.”

“And what would I be doing in a museum without you?” You both knew you weren’t very attuned with your artistic side before you met Joon, the man opening your world up with his passion and ever growing fascination and craving for knowledge. Chuckling at your question, Namjoom smiled proudly.

“Looking for me, of course.”

Widening your eyes at him, you combed your fingers through his silky hair once more, the ends becoming charged with static. Must be all that electricity between you both. “Now he’s cocky!”

He let out a dorky laugh full of air and looked toward the bed for a moment before meeting your eyes once more. “No, maybe you would have heard about an exhibit and for some reason, completely out of character, you would have found yourself intrigued by it.”

Staring into his gentle eyes, you realized you loved the idea of the universe driving you to check out an art exhibit just so you could end up in the same place as him. You’d go to as many museums as you needed to find those beautiful soft brown orbs. “Maybe I would have been really intrigued by how fluorescent light fixtures could be considered art,” you posed, thinking back to one of your first dates together. Namjoon’s eyes lit up in excitement at the realization, dimples greeting you in a giddy smile. “So I would have found myself at a Dan Flavin exhibit, and of course I wouldn’t get any of it.”

“Come on, his works are cool!”

“They’re lights, Joon,” you deadpanned. “I had the same fluorescents in my childhood bathroom.”

“If only there was someone there to explain it to you,” he forced a thoughtful frown.

“Oh there would be though,” you beamed. “Yeah, I’d spot this tall beautiful man looking at one of the pieces with this sincere emotion that I would be utterly confused by because how the hell is he looking at these lights as though they’re speaking to him.”

“He sounds hot,” Namjoon interjected, drawing a snort from you.

“He is!” Namjoon chuckled as you spoke through your growing grin. “And of course, I’d go over and talk to him.”

“A forward woman,” he flirted, lowering his tone to appear more seductive.

“Always for Kim Namjoon. That’s his name, by the way,” you added quickly for feigned clarification. “He’s an art nerd and somehow has emotional responses to fluorescent lights.”

“Is that a turn on?” He asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly, his hands squeezing the flesh of your sides gently.

“Of course, I’m very fascinated by Kim Namjoon,” you smiled.

Namjoon stared at you for a moment, his eyes reading all the emotions displayed in your own orbs. It was as though he was unable to look away, worried he’d miss something in your expression if he glanced away for just a brief second. There was a mutual fascination between you both; something you loved about your relationship. You were endlessly surprising each other, always leaving each other wanting to know more.

“Or,” you began, coming up with another possible scenario for your missed meet cutes. “What if I killed yet another succulent so I went to get a replacement.”

“Is there a hot tall guy there too?” He joked, his smile widening as you giggled at the comment. He rested his palm against the top of your abdomen, appreciating the way it contracted and moved underneath his hand as you laughed.

“Yeah, he has dimples and he thinks it’s hilarious that I can’t grow one of the hardiest plants around.” The first time you told Namjoon you had killed at least seven succulents, the man was in disbelief. Sure, he was clumsy and couldn’t touch a sliding door without pulling it off its track or cook a dish of pasta without singeing the noodles that stuck to the bottom of the pot, but at least he could grow a plant that was literally meant for the desert. “It’s made to not need water regularly,” he had told you at the start of your relationship.

“Sounds kind of judgmental,” Namjoon noted, playfully condemning himself.

Shrugging, you smirked. “Maybe a little but when he laughs at me his dimples show so I kind of like it.” When he smiled at the comment, your eyes widened as you nodded at his cheeks. “Yeah those ones!”

Burying his face against your t-shirt, he hid his bashful expression and reddening skin. Exhaling, he looked back up at you. “I would give you tips on how to improve your green thumb.”

“But can I be left to my own devices? I might need your number so I can text you for more advice and give you updates,” you proposed, smirking as his eyes widened, impressed by your hypothetical advances.

“I wouldn’t last a week before I ended up asking you out,” he chuckled at himself, knowing his limits, fully aware he wouldn’t be able to resist you. As you brushed your thumb over his cheek, giving special appreciation for the dimple at the center of it, Namjoon sighed contently. “No wonder you won me over at the bar,” he chuckled. “I almost forgot how smooth you are.”

“I’m not smooth, you were just made to love me,” you teased, Namjoon nodding enthusiastically.

“That’s true!” He agreed, crawling up the bed until he hovered over your frame, his face just above yours, just out of reach. Tease. “But seriously, I never had a chance with you. I could never resist you.”

A soft smile overtook your face as you stared up at him. He was so stunning, but what made him truly beautiful was the way you could see his heart in every aspect of his existence. It shined through his eyes, his smile, the way the words left his mouth; thoughtful, poignant, sincere.

“You know, I like how we started,” you admitted. “It’s fitting for us.” A supposed to be one night stand that neither of you could leave behind.

“Yeah?” His smile grew as you hummed in assurance. “Me too.”

“I knew from the moment I met you that I didn’t want to ever go back to a time where I didn’t know you. It definitely took me a minute to get over myself and let you fully in,” you judged yourself, quickly earning a shake of Namjoon’s head as he negated your words. He was too understanding of your emotions and state of mind at the time to simply let you put yourself down. Placing your hand on the side of his waist, you squeezed his abdomen appreciatively. Grateful for his understanding and patience. “I remember thinking, maybe one night will be enough, like just to have you for a brief moment is better than to not have you at all.”

Lowering his face to yours, Namjoon gently kissed your forehead. He allowed his lips to linger against your skin for a moment before pulling away and glancing down at your eyes, then at your lips. “It could never be enough with you. I knew I wanted more.”

Craning your neck, you inched your face closer to his. With your lips ghosting below his, Namjoon’s breath fanned across your mouth. “I will always want more of you, Namjoon,” you whispered, the words barely leaving your lips before they melted against his, Namjoon’s mouth on yours as he kissed you passionately. Workout and breakfast be damned, you thought as Namjoon’s chest pressed against yours, his leg slotting between your thighs as you pulled him closer and closer.

He was never short of passion and desire, the man showing you with his actions that he truly would always want more of you. You could never get enough of each other. And you’d spend forever chasing after him, meeting him again and again, all to get one more touch, one more taste, one more glance, one more smile, one more thought from that stunning mind of his, and feel one more beat from his beautiful heart.

#namjoon fluff #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #namjoon fic #namjoon fanfic #namjoon scenario #namjoon oneshot #namjoon drabble #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts imagines #bts fics #bts fanfics #bts scenarios #bts oneshots #bts drabbles #bts fanfiction #namjoon fanfiction

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soft-beta-ollie · 2 months

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The Truth Untold

Ollie was tired, so tired. He had been having trouble sleeping lately, plagued with nightmares of the day his parents died, but he refused to tell Ezra. He pretended to sleep until his husband fell asleep then snuck out to the woods where he normally kept his stash of daggers he stole from Jude once the last time he was visiting him and Eli. Under the light of the mood, he rolled his sleeves up and made yet another cut to his already mangled arm. It had become somewhat of a coping mechanism since the nightmares came back. It grounded him to reality when the images in his dreams started blending into reality. He couldn't sleep without nightmares, he had flashbacks when he was awake. He stopped going to work, he was pulling away from his husband, his kids, his friends, but he tried to convince himself that he was fine. He was far from fine but the family that raised him after he left Korea always drilled it into his head that he had to be. That mental health issues were a weakness. He probably should have told Joon a long time ago what he was dealing with but he didn't. Maybe Joon could have helped him a long time ago, as his last link to his biological parents. He was always too scared to say anything though. He made his way back to the home he shared with his husband and crawled back into bed with him. The next morning he was pretty much in a zombie like state as he got up to make breakfast. He didn't even hear when Ezra walked up beside him and grabbed his arm, making him hiss in pain and pull away when his husband unknowingly touched his freshest cut. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little sore from my workout yesterday." He lied, having been lying and saying he was working out more to help blow off steam when he was doing everything but that.

#newlastarter #tw: self harm

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shina913 · 1 year

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On Tilt, Part 3 | KNJ

On Tilt, Part 3

Definition: a poker term for a state of mental or emotional confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a suboptimal strategy, usually resulting in the player becoming overly aggressive.

On Tilt Masterlist

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞

Genre: idol!AU; strangers-to-FWB-to-lovers; toxic relationship; angst; fluff; smut

Warnings: unhealthy/toxic relationship dynamic; cussing; vulnerable confessions; alcohol consumption; explicit and suggestive sexual conversations; jealous!Namjoon; Namjoon at the gym; ttam-Joon 😅; ass-slapping (not in a sexual context); drop of fluff; unexpected boners (I think that's it?)

Summary: You’ve said time and time again that you wouldn’t lose yourself to him. You were in control now. You were going to make better choices. For a minute there, you were able to keep up with it. It wasn’t ‘til Namjoon’s extended break that you found yourself falling into old habits. Will you ever learn to quit Kim Namjoon?

Word count: 4.6K words

A/N: This was supposed to be short...and then that All Day Part 2 vlog happened and now it's 4.4K 🤡 Also, pay no attention to OC's workout gear...I just thought it looked hot but I have some doubts about the support here. Buuuuut for interest, I thought it would be a good add-on and I love Rihanna's other stuff from her line, otherwise 😂 Anyway! Please enjoy and know that my inbox and DMs are open. Would love to know what you think 😘

“God damn…are you planning to kill him with that outfit or what?”

You guffaw at Lani’s question, nearly messing up the wing on your eyeliner. Namjoon hasn’t given you a hint as to where you were headed tonight but he asked you to dress ‘nice’. You picked a black, ruched, long-sleeved body-con mini dress with a deep-plunge neckline.

“Calm down. It’s just dinner,” you say while finishing your makeup.

“Ooohh…and you’re on the menu. Got it,” She teased, motioning to your partially exposed cleavage.

You turn and throw a balled up tissue at her in jest. “I most definitely am not!” You turn back to your mirror. “Besides, I told him that we’re having none of that until…we establish some ground rules. If he wants to be with me, I want to see a bit more effort on his part,” you reason.

“Are you putting the kitty on lockdown or what?”

You snort at her comment but your expression turns sober almost immediately after. “I just want to know whether this can work without sex being on the table the entire time.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, Lani starts cackling.

You squeeze your eyes shut and wrinkle your nose. “Damn, that came out wrong.”

After recovering you clarify, “Anyway! What I was actually trying to say was that…I want to see if there’s more to this.”

Lani paused and turned serious in a matter of seconds. “Well, you started off as good friends, right? That’s promising.”

You twisted your lips wryly. “Yeeeaah, until we fell into bed. Add him being this superstar idol and it gets more complicated. I just want to know if there’s something else that would hold us together. And if there isn’t…then I’m completely wrong and maybe I’ll wake up and realize that I was being delusional this whole time,” you finish quietly.

Lani comes up from behind to wrap you in her arms. You leaned into her hold, giving her forearm an appreciative squeeze. She was one of your oldest, most trustworthy friends. “I understand,” she says softly, recalling your conversation when you confessed how you really felt about Namjoon.

“Do what you need to, but remember to be good to yourself, too,” she reminds you.

You cocked your neck sideways at her, face wrinkled in confusion. “What are you talking about? I am good to myself,” you chuckled.

She released you from her hold and sidled next to you. “I meant, if things don’t go as you hoped they would, you shouldn’t blame yourself.” With that, Lani gives you a quick peck on the cheek then leaves your room.

Though her parting words sounded ominous, you couldn’t deny that you were banking on the thought that this would all work out in your favor. You loved Namjoon and wanted to be with him…but it wasn’t that simple. Namjoon hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down in his career at all. There may be a group hiatus but solo efforts were underway.

If work would start to ramp up for him, where would that leave you?

******

Namjoon’s face reflects on your wine glass while you watch the crimson liquid swirl around it. He’d been on the phone for the last ten minutes.

The evening started off promising. Lani was right–you practically had to fight him to keep his hands off you until you reminded him of your agreement. Five dates. And depending how those dates go, maybe you’d consider getting into bed with him again.

It was going to be a challenge, though. Just as you’d throw down the gauntlet, he was happy to pick it up. He showed up looking just as mouthwatering–dressed in a simple black suit with a crisp, dress shirt, top two buttons undone. Although his brushed-back hair made you feral, you had to stick to your guns.

He cleared out the entire back room of a restaurant, all wait staff signing NDAs.

His phone kept buzzing through the first course, which he mostly ignored. Once they brought in the main course, he couldn’t mute the incessant ringing any longer. He apologized to you before answering it.

He glanced at you nervously while you silently munched through your side order of fries and distractedly scrolled through your phone.

“Jon, Jon, listen bro…can we just work this out tomorrow when I stop by the studio?...Yeah…I know but it can wait. We’ll take care of it first thing, the second I get there. Alright…Yeah, thanks. See you then. Bye.” He hung up then sighed. “Sorry,” he says to you immediately.

You peered up from your phone’s screen and gave him a small smile. “That’s alright. Work is work,” is all you say.

He shook his head, reached for your hand across the table and held it. “No, I should have just sent it to voicemail. I told my assistant to field all of my calls because I wanted our night to be free of interruptions.”

You wanted to say something snarky but you held back. At least he didn’t cancel on you and he really tried to ignore his phone since you arrived. Acknowledging his effort, you relax your tense posture. “It’s fine. You’ve got a lot going on with the album and stuff. Besides, I never asked you to stop working on my account.”

“I know that,” he says quietly. “I just wanted this date to be perfect for you.”

You smiled softly at his sincerity. You then leaned in and reached up to brush some errant strands that fell over his eye. “Joon, if I wanted ‘perfect’, I wouldn’t be doing this with you.”

His breath caught for a moment before his mouth curved into a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling. He leaned in to plant a kiss on your lips.

It started off as a soft, melding of your mouths, which quickly turned into hunger. He cupped your face while you curled your hand around his nape to pull him closer. It was almost second nature.

He kissed you deeply, tonguing your mouth in that same leisurely, spine-tingling manner he did when he was between your legs. You once thought he could make you orgasm with his kiss–if you stayed at it long enough. Everything about him turned you on–from the way he looked and felt beneath in your hands to the way he would watch and touch you. He was always greedy for you and you were the same way towards him.

But you abruptly wrench yourself away, leaving him bereft. He tries to pull you back in but you pressed your hand to his chest to stop him.

“As much as I want to,” you chuckled. “I don’t think we should.”

Nodding gently, he backs away. “Are you sure that 5-date rule is non-negotiable?”

You threw your head back in laughter. “You proposed the 5-date rule–not me!”

His mouth falls open at your accusation. “Only because you initially wanted 10,” he nearly shrieks. “It was a compromise!”

Your stomach contracted amidst your giggles. “That’s right…laugh at my pain,” Namjoon says sarcastically.

On your last conversation, you agreed to go out on 10 dates before having sex with him again. He reluctantly suggested a mid-point. Ever since you both started messing around, every interaction with him always ended up with your bodies tangled up in bed.

This was going to be a difficult challenge–not just for him but for you, as well. You loved touching him as much as he loved his hands all over you. Physical contact between you was virtually essential whenever you met. But since you’d asked him for more, you also needed to find out if there was something else to this relationship other than the physical and sexual aspect of it.

“I’m sorry, Joon,” you apologize after finally catching your breath. “But I just think that we really need to try and spend quality time together…without actively fucking,” you reiterate.

He sighed then raked his fingers through his hair. “I know, I know. I’ll try to keep things under control,” he huffed under his breath before taking a long slug of his whisky.

“Thank you,” you say with a sympathetic tone before smiling at him.

The rest of dinner goes smoothly. Unlike what you had initially feared, conversation between you flowed freely and naturally–even when sex was out of the equation. Neither of you missed a beat, laughing and joking about anecdotes about your friends and work.

The evening may have hit a hurdle but you both got over it quickly. It made this effort all the more promising for you.

******

“Can I see you again tomorrow?” He asks when his car pulls up to your building.

“While I would love to say ‘yes,’ I have to finish up some things at the office…which will probably go into the night since the end of the year is right around the corner,” you say with regret.

You then stretch the kinks in your neck. “Plus, I really need to get a workout in. I’ve been putting it off too long.”

“What time do you need to head to the office?”

“My team expects me to be there by 11.”

His eyebrows twitched as the gears in his head started to spin. “Can I propose something to you?”

You purse your lips hesitantly.

“Now, hear me out,” he gently offers. You stared at him for a few beats then eventually acquiesce.

“What if you come by my place? We can work out together in the morning at the gym in my building. I can get breakfast delivered, it will be completely chill. Two hours, tops! You can bring a change of clothes and shower back at my place. Then we can head out together.”

You were already apprehensive about being photographed at his place but showering there? Being in a state of undress while either of you are in the same space? Your 5-date rule would go up in flames in a heartbeat.

He assures you that he would behave himself–even suggesting that you lock the door so he wouldn’t attempt to join you.

“Still though, wouldn’t that be…risky?” The dorms were more private when you used to meet and hook up there back then. You’d only been to his new place three times. The second time you were there, a photographer was hiding in the bushes. The record company had to buy their photos in order for them not to be posted onto tabloids.

The last time you were there was before Namjoon and his bandmates left for their most recent tour that just wrapped up. At that point, you’d agreed not to meet there again whenever he was back in town for breaks.

“Security is much better now,” Namjoon explains. “The loading dock out back was redone and it’s more private than it was before. It’s incredibly difficult to get a photo or footage of whoever is coming in and out of the building unless they hang from the street lamp or tree.”

“Don’t underestimate the will of a very eager photographer,” you say sardonically.

He shook his head. “I promise, it’s secure.”

“What about my car?”

“I can have a driver pick you up from here and bring you to my place. They can drop you off at your office, too.”

He seems to have an answer for all of your concerns, but you didn’t want to hog his driver’s time if he needed him. “Joon, I don’t–”

“It’s fine, really. When you’re done with your work, the driver will be at your disposal. I figured you’d be too tired to drive from downtown and back here.”

He had a point there. There were times when you wished your car would just drive itself especially on long days. “What about you? How will you get to work and back?”

“I’ll ride my bike,” he says simply. “So…what do you say?”

You roll your eyes. “Two hours and no longer than that, okay?”

He nodded emphatically. “I swear!”

You agreed and mouthed your thanks. Before stepping out of the car, you share a chaste kiss–a far cry from the tonsil hockey incident earlier this evening. You step out of the car and watch the black SUV pull away from the curb.

When you enter your apartment, your phone buzzes with a text. A smile crept on your face after reading it.

[Namjoon] 10:40PM: Car will pick you up at 8AM. One down, four to go! Sleep tight, beautiful. 😘

******

The company car was right on time the next morning. And just as he promised, the loading dock was practically fully enclosed. You felt more at ease after seeing it for yourself.

You entered the security code that Namjoon sent to you which activated the elevator’s keypad so you could push the button to ascend to his floor. That was another upgrade from the last time that you were here.

Shortly after you push his buzzer, you hear his front door click open. He comes down to the hallway, already dressed in workout clothes to greet you with a quick kiss.

“Did you find everything okay?”

“Yeah. You weren’t exaggerating about the new security measures,” you say after he pushes the door shut.

“We have a lot of high-profile residents so–the property managers stepped it up. It was a good move on their part. Besides, with the rent that we pay every month? Shit…should be worth the upgrades.”

“Are you ready to go?” You ask, clutching your water bottle and gym bag.

“Yeah–I just need to put my shoes on then we can head to the 5th floor, where the gym is.” He adds that you can leave your bag that contains your change of clothes and that his assistant would come by with breakfast all set up while you went about your workout.

******

Since you hadn’t been to the gym in a while, you weren’t planning on a high-intensity workout. You mainly wanted to be able to stretch out your muscles while getting a good sweat session in. Admittedly, part of that stemmed from frustration brought on by this temporary celibate period but you had to stay focused if you wanted things to work with him.

“What…the…hell…are you wearing?” He nearly punctuates every word in a low, husky tone.

You hadn’t noticed him standing right behind you after you hung your oversized zip-up hoodie on one of the hooks conveniently placed by the treadmill.

“Gym clothes?” You answer as if the issue wasn’t obvious to you.

He took another look at your sports bra. “There’s no way! That is a poor excuse for a top. You look naked!”

You laughed, not understanding what the big deal was. The top showed off a little more cleavage but it was the keyhole cutouts that sat strategically over the swell of your breasts and the criss-cross straps in the back that had him agitated. “You’re overreacting,” you say dismissively.

“And these pants? What the–”

You groan and roll your eyes. The matching high-waisted leggings had strategic stitching that hugged your curves in all the right places.

Ignoring him, you step onto the treadmill, your feet resting on the sides of the machine while you key in your settings on the screen. “Let’s just warm up, okay?” You say before sticking your wireless earbuds in and blasting your workout playlist. You set your phone into a secure slot then step onto the treadmill, starting with a brisk walk.

He poked his tongue against his cheek in annoyance. Scowling, he punches his settings into the machine next to you. Seconds later, he pulls his shirt off and tosses it haphazardly on the bench behind him before stepping onto the treadmill.

The view of his bare chest distracts you causing you to nearly miss a step, but you hold onto the railing and quickly recover. He gave a victorious smirk and began to increase his speed setting. You mirror him after hitting your stride and break into a jog as well.

Guess you weren’t the only one working out certain frustrations.

After twenty minutes you slowed to a stop, finally risking a glance at Namjoon, who was still running fluidly. He was watching the news on the mounted screen, but flashed a smile while you wiped the sweat off your face. Feeling parched, you took a swig from your water bottle and moved to the other machines, picking one that gave you a clear view of him.

Ten minutes later, he moved to the chest fly machine, making sure to keep you in his line of sight. You’d occasionally brush against each other when switching positions within the facility. You watched him work out quickly and efficiently. Thank goodness you had the gym all to yourselves this morning because you just kept ogling at him. He looked so…primal and it didn’t help that you also knew exactly what was underneath those shorts.

Shaking your thoughts away, you moved to pick up a yoga ball to do some crunches before you end your workout.

When you finish, you sit up and idly rock your hips while sitting on the yoga ball to cool down. Distantly, you hear the doors open while your playlist switches tracks.

The newcomer smiled as he approached. You see him linger a bit even after you acknowledge him so you pause your music and pull out one of your earbuds.

“Hi,” he greeted you, with a winning smile that showcased perfect white teeth. “Never seen you around here. Did you just move in?”

“No,” you reply. “I’m just visiting.”

He gives a small nod. “I’m Seokmin, by the way.” He extended his hand, and you shook it after giving your name.

Upon hearing his name, you knew he was familiar except you were a bit behind on your celebrity gossip so you couldn’t quite place him at the moment.

“So,” he began, “Are you here with company?”

“Uhm…” You scanned the room and Namjoon was nowhere to be found. You assumed he might have gone to use the gym bathrooms.

Without missing a beat, Seokmin continues to chat you up. “You know, they recently opened up a smoothie bar down at the lobby in case you wanted to check that out. There’s a separate code for that but I can give you mine, if you want?” He winked.

Just then, Namjoon appeared by Seokmin’s shoulder. “That won’t be necessary,” he said, coming around and behind you to slide his arms around your waist possessively. “I’ve already given my girlfriend permission to have full access to the amenities here.”

The word girlfriend reverberated in your ears. Though you were still working to establish your relationship, it still didn’t stop you from thinking that the distinction had a nice ring to it.

“H-hey, Namjoon,” Seokmin straightened and took a step back, then bowed. “I’m sorry, I had no idea she was with you.”

“‘S’alright. It's not like that's ever stopped you before, huh.” He says in jest, while smacking Seokmin in the arm in a bro-manner. Namjoon had a big smile on his face but you could practically hear the anger threatening to burst out of him.

“But we like to keep things private, so I trust you’ll be discreet about this? You know, a little quid pro quo?” Namjoon gave him a knowing look and an outstretched hand.

Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off in you and realization sinks in. Seokmin was a K-drama actor who was recently on the tabloids for cheating on his pregnant fiancee. Jia and Lani could not stop blabbing about it.

As they shook hands, you give Namjoon's arm a gentle squeeze in an effort to calm him. “C'mon, Joon, he was just being welcoming,” you say.

“Yeah, he’s very welcoming indeed,” he says with a hint of sarcasm. He absently hands you your sweater and water bottle.

His hair was soaked with sweat and his bare chest was slicked with it as well. He looked like a god. And you’d never known that a sweaty man could smell this good. Your dirty thoughts are interrupted when he slips his shirt back on and turns his attention to you.

His hands stroking down your arms, he says, “Ready to go, baby?” He didn’t wait for you to answer but you felt his lips on the crown of your head. “Catch you later, man,” he says curtly.

You smile politely and wave goodbye as you walk away. “Nice meeting you!”

Seokmin gave a tight smile. “It was great to meet you too.”

Namjoon muttered after you stepped into the elevator. “Fucking asshat. He wouldn’t stop staring at your tits.”

You lifted a shoulder noncommittally. “What can I say? They’re nice tits.”

He made a low growling noise. You stifle a grin to hide your amusement. That was payback for his little striptease earlier.

But he takes you completely by surprise when he slaps your bottom hard, leaving behind a stinging sensation through your pants. “Next time, I’m bringing an extra shirt to cover you up.”

“Since when has the way that I dress been your business?” You quipped as you got off his floor and entered his unit.

He caught your wrist while you both lingered in the hallway. “Since I made a promise to make you a priority,” he answered.

You blinked profusely in surprise.

“Look, I know I haven’t done the whole relationship-thing in a long time and I’m a little rusty at it. But I meant it when I said I’d work my ass off to keep you,” he says firmly. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d see that I’m trying my best here.”

A pang of guilt hits you and you turn apologetic. “You’re right. I’m sorry. And yes, for the record, I see and appreciate the effort you’re putting in,” you acknowledge.

“I don’t want anybody else so…you’ll have to forgive me if I start getting territorial.”

You returned his gaze. “Joon, I would never,” you say apologetically, referring to your little exchange at the gym with Seokmin.

“I know you wouldn’t,” he answered. “I just know him a little too well, unfortunately.”

He was well-aware of Seokmin’s messy behavior. Even so, Namjoon typically kept his head down. Seokmin was a big boy and it wasn’t like Namjoon to stick his nose in other people’s business. He only hoped that his neighbors afforded him the same courtesy.

Jerking his head sideways, he beckons you towards the kitchen and his face visibly relaxes. “C’mon, there’s a large triple mocha that’s got your name on it,” he smiled.

******

“So this counts as date number two, right?” He asks while he sipped on his iced Americano.

You scrunch your eyebrows after biting into a pastry and disagree. “What? All we did was work out! That hardly counts as a date,” you scoffed, downing the rest of your coffee.

“And now we’re sitting here, having breakfast and a conversation!”

You let out a disappointed sigh, “But a gym date, though?”

He laughed. “I thought that the whole point was for us to spend time together without actively fucking?” He arched a questioning eyebrow at you. He gestures at the breakfast spread that his assistant set up, “Wouldn’t you think that this counts as quality time?”

You pucker your lips, thinking for a few beats. Jia and her boyfriend considered sitting on the couch and watching their favorite show together ‘quality time.’

Sure, this may not have been like a date-date like last night but he was making a conscious effort to move things around in his schedule so he could spend time with you.

You thought back to the old days when you’d hang out in his dorm, sitting side-by-side on his bed while you read books. At that point, he only had a little over 12 hours before he and his band moved onto the next city for another show.

“You’re right,” you agreed. “Date number two then.”

He gave a small pump of his fist in triumph. “I’m glad you said that because you’ll probably hate me after I tell you this.”

“What is it?” In the back of your mind, you had a feeling that he probably needed to fulfill a company schedule locally or he had to jet off somewhere.

“After today, I have a packed schedule. I’m under a deadline to finish this album so we can get it mastered by the end of the month. Meaning,” he sighed heavily, his face faltering, “I won’t be able to see you again… for the next two weeks, at least.”

Hearing that made your heart sink but you had to be realistic. You didn’t want Namjoon to put you ahead of his career. All you asked for was to have a place in his life. Not just as a booty call or a fuck-buddy, but for him to be actually committed to you. Part of that was him being more open to you about his schedule, when he previously was evasive about it.

“I appreciate you telling me,” you replied. “Then we’ll just make plans whenever you’re done.”

“Y-you’re not mad?” He says tentatively.

“No,” you smiled. “I’d be pissed if you ghosted me for two weeks without telling me! I just want you to communicate.”

He nodded, “From now on, you’ll always know where I’m at. And…if for some reason I can’t get that message to you myself, I’ll make sure that someone in my staff tells you.”

Your heart soars, making you get up from your seat to sit on his lap–much to his delight.

Could you love this man more than you already did?

You curled your arms around his neck and captured his mouth in yours. “Thank you,” you say to him.

“No need to thank me. I want to do this.” He pinches your chin gently.

You sit in silence, just gazing at each other. The longer you stare at him, the more you seriously consider tossing out your 5-date agreement and letting him take you on his couch right this second. You wished that you didn’t have to go to the office today and that he didn’t need to go into the studio.

His thumb brushed over your lips and touched his forehead to yours. Inhaling sharply, he says, “Alright, I think I need a shower,” before gently sliding you off him. He had a pained expression on his face.

“Again?” Before you sat in his kitchen, you took turns in his shower. You trusted him enough that you didn’t need to lock the bathroom door. In turn, he stayed true to his word and gave you your privacy.

He rose from his chair. “I know. But I need a cold shower before we head out.” It was only then that you noticed him cupping his crotch.

“Oh my god,” your hand flies to your mouth. “I’m so sorry…” You say as he tries his best to cover up his hardon.

“It’s fine. I’ll be done in 10,” he waves you off. You shout out more apologies while he waddles awkwardly to his bathroom.

The next two weeks would be difficult but you thought it might be a good break, considering being in the same room always cranked up the tension between you two.

The good thing was that Namjoon was being more open about how he felt. And while you were ready to scream out the L-word to him, you decided to save it until you felt absolutely sure that neither of you were going to drop the ball. You were making good strides by taking it slow and things were far better than they used to be. For now, you could rest on those thoughts and count the days until date number three.

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