(not discourse) Me learning that me constantly trying to define exactly where on the aro ace spectrum I fit and how I define my romantic attraction and romance and love and sexuality to the T is actually just another form of relationship ocd:
I'm so unbelievably grateful for my lovely boyfriend *sobs*. Calling me out but genuinely nice about it. I thought I was being dumped, being PUNISHED... No, he knows I've been distant. He was worried. What? You mean me distancing myself first so you give up on me didn't work?
I don't want to play this game anymore. I don't want to act like I'm less in love than I am. Less obsessed than I am. He needs me to bother him. That's great that should be great that was great...why do I feel guilty saying I love you ? Imposter syndrome. Rocd. I'm just tired. I have someone I love. I don't need to know what that means.
I'm rewatching Supernatural with my fiance and i'm watching him experience everything that the collective fandom went through.
We just finished S7E17, The Born-Again Identity, and he like shrieked in agony and started losing it about how much the writers hate Cas and how much he hates it (He is, of course, in love with Cas) and I just had to sit there having flashbacks.
Anyway it's a delight and when I'm done writing for the day we're gonna watch more 🥰