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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1278

Social Media Survey

[joybucket]

What is your favorite social media site? Either Twitter or YouTube, though I never use YouTube as a social media site per se so I guess this round goes to Twitter.

Do you use...

facebook? myspace? twitter? snapchat? instagram? youtube? pinterest? bzoink? another site with message boards? tumblr? deviantart? xanga?

Facebook

Do you get on Facebook every day? Yeah pretty much all throughout the day. I used to never use it, like never ever; but back in college all announcements were coursed through Facebook so I was technically required to be on it regularly, and it was from there that I began to see memes and start to be more active. I’m a shitposter more than anything though and I rarely ever post stuff of my own. How many FB friends do you have? I have 679 at the moment but I want to get rid of like 500 of them; it’s just such a long list to go through so I never get to proceed with my unfriending spree lol.

Have you ever been on a deleting spree? HAHA I just mentioned that. I’ve always wanted to, but like I said 679 is already such an exhaustive list for me, and that’s considering I only started touching my Facebook in like 2019. I can’t imagine people who started Facebook in like 2009 and have 4000 friends aka most people I know.

Have you blocked a lot of haters? I don’t have haters; at least I’m not aware of any that I have. Not that it’s something I care about at this point.

Do you get bullied online a lot? No, but that’s also because I don’t really open the channels for people to send in hate. I don’t have Q&A handles like Curious Cat and I never pick out that option in Instagram where people can send in questions.

What's your favorite Facebook app? Oh I never use Facebook for their apps. Are those still even a thing...? Anyway, I mainly go there to be on the hunt for stupid memes I can reshare or to watch videos that are either funny or informative.

Are you a fan of selfies? I don’t mind if other people do it, but I think I’m honestly bad at selfies so I almost never take them. I’ve never figured out my angles or what filters look ok on me.

Has anyone ever called the police on you because they didn't like your status? No but I have had my posts reported because they were deemed ‘offensive.’ Which is weird because my posts that have been taken down are those that speak out against disgusting men, which says a lot about Facebook runs their shit more than anything else.

Are you in any facebook groups? I’m in nearly a hundred groups, both private i.e. for school purposes, and public.

Are you the admin of any groups? Nah. Too much time and effort needed out of me.

Do you report abuse to group admins whenever you see it? Yes. I report the post then leave the group.

What could make Facebook better? They could put more effort into detecting and banning troll farms.

What year did you start using Facebook? I made an account in 2012 because of a high school class that required us to upload this specific video-format homework onto Facebook (which in hindsight is such an insensitive homework considering that was nearly a decade ago when the Philippines was still severely behind in internet connection speeds?? Ugh). But I didn’t start actively using my account until around two years ago.

What is your current profile picture of? Myself, posing in front of the sunflowers in school during the recent graduation season.

Did you like the old Myspace better than Facebook? I was never a regular user of Myspace, so...

What are some of your favorite boards? I’ve never had a clue what the purpose of Pinterest was. I mean I have an account...but I’ve also never gotten the hang of it?? so I never touch it hahaha.

Have you ever done a craft you saw on Pinterest? Well no, because I’m terrible at arts and crafts anyway.

Do you have a Dream Wedding board? If so, what's on it? No.

If you have a Dream House board, what does your dream house look like? Ok fine this one I did start hahahah but I don’t even remember what I added on there anymore. I’m sure it was filled with modern-style houses with minimalist interior design.

Do you wish they'd bring the "like" button back? I’m not even aware of this option.

Do you have a Bucket List board? Not aware of this either.

Which do you like better: Just Girly Things or And That's Who I Am? The second one sounds less childish. < Same, and it sounds like it covers more.

Do you have a board for tattoos you like? If so, what are some of your faves? No. The only one I ever made was the house one, then Pinterest quickly became boring from there when I realized there wasn’t much else I could do besides making mood boards.

Do you have a "Random" or "Miscellaneous" board? No.

Have you ever reached the maximum number of boards? No.

Do you have any secret boards? No.

Have you ever had a Pin deleted because of copyright laws? No.

Do you have a Color board? No.

Do you have an About Me board? If so, what's on it? No.

YouTube

Do you have a YouTube channel? If so, what is it? Technically I do but I only have it so I can tailor video suggestions to my interests and so that I can like videos and subscribe to channels I like.

What kind of things do you post on YouTube? I’ve never posted any video on there, not even private ones. I’m also not the type to comment.

What do you like to watch on YouTube? These days YouTube serves as a stress reliever for me, which is to say I would typically go for humorous BTS-related compilations because there are sooooo many hilarious channels that make these great videos haha. Occasionally I’d go back to channels or series that I used to frequent, like Good Mythical Morning, Buzzfeed’s Worth It and Unsolved, Try Guys, Watcher, etc.

Are you subscribed to any channels? To so many.

Do you watch any vlogs? If so, what ones are your favorite? Hm probably Jiwoo’s, though her channel is called Mejiwoo. I find her content calming and conversational and basically fun to binge-watch when I’m not looking for anything super super particular to watch.

If you have a channel, how many subscribers do you have? 0. I’m just a lurker.

Will you subscribe to my channel? (msg me if you want a link!) Only if it’s really fit to my interests, I guess.

Do you watch music videos? Rarely; not a fan of MVs in particular. I only really ever put an exception for BTS.

Have you ever watched a TV show on youtube? Well no since their copyright team works hard and works fast lol. I do watch entire video game walkthroughs from time to time.

Have you ever worked out to exercise videos on youtube? No, I can’t care less about working out tbh.

Have you watched Amanda Todd's famous video? No. I’m scared that it might be too upsetting or triggering for me.

Have you ever looked up how to do something on YouTube? Not really, I prefer looking up articles that can teach me step by step in words.

Do you get a lot of hate comments on youtube? No, I’ve never posted anything on there.

How long have you been a youtuber? Never been.

Instagram

Do you post on Instagram a lot? I do 1-3 Instagram stories in a week, I would say. As for posts, I only have 4 in total and I don’t really feel the pressure to add more. I just post when I feel the want to.

Have you ever posted a poll on instagram? Nah, I’m not too sure if anyone would participate so I’ve never tried. If you don't have an iPhone, do you wish you could use Instagram? I’m pretty sure other operating systems can also use Instagram...

Do you have any followers? Around 50, I think.

Do you like Instagram filters? I’ll use them sometimes to make my stories appear prettier.

Twitter

Do you think twitter is stupid? Hehe show me at least one person who doesn’t think so. < Coming from someone who regularly uses Twitter, agree. It is crazy stupid but stupid is what I’m there for. Which is honestly not always such a bad thing to me - I like that people are more themselves, more stripped-down, vulnerable on Twitter. People always seem to want to show off their best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so I’m actually kind of grateful that there is at least one social media out there where people can just be their clumsy, goofy selves.

How often do you tweet? Probably a maximum of five a day. Nowadays I’m on there mostly to just scroll through my timelines.

Do you get on twitter every day? Yes, both on my personal and fan account.

Bzoink

Do you make a lot of surveys? I never make them but I try to take them as often as I can.

Do you take a lot of surveys? Haha sorry, was one step ahead of you. Yeah, I do.

Do you post in the message boards? Nah. I dunno if I’m even permitted to check the message boards on Bzoink considering I don’t have an account.

What types of surveys are your favorite? Categorized surveys like this one or countdown ones can be fun, but at the end of the day I like sticking to the classic random survey.

Do you have friends on here? Not on Bzoink, but here on Tumblr yes! There’s a number of people here I like keeping up with :)

Do you post all your secrets on here? Again, not on Bzoink; but yep I share pretty much everything here.

What type of survey do you think I should make next? Anything but basic/about me-themed ones that will ask for my name and eye color and weight.

Do you read peoples' answers to your surveys? I’ve never made a survey.

Do you think you are good at making surveys?

Do you try to make unique surveys?

What type of surveys do you want to see more of?

Random

This or That

Scattergories

Have You Ever

Are you like me?

About You

Personal, Deep Questions

Girly

Music shuffle

Would You Rather

Do you have this in your bedroom?

Long

Short

All About Your Crush

Fashion

Make-up

School

Music

Your health

Your friends

Confessions

Girl Confessions - how different is this from just confessions? Hahaha

R-Rated

Controversial topics

Myspace

Did you have a myspace when you were in high school? I started an account in like 4th grade when Myspace was ~big, but I didn’t find it fun and everyone my age was on Friendster anyway, so I was largely inactive.

Do you use myspace now? No. Is it still even around? I have no clue.

Do you miss bulletins? I didn’t get to join in on the fun so there’s nothing to miss.

Did you like customizing your profile with the old myspace? Not attributed to Myspace but I did have a lot of fun customizing my Multiply and Tumblr accounts back in the day. That was a period where I really got to learn and play around with HTML :)

Did you have music on your profile? Not on Myspace again but I did on Multiply! I had a cute little playlist that played the songs immediately as soon as you landed on my page hahaha.

Did you learn HTML when you used Myspace? Tumblr, yeah. I believe the skills are still there but I’ll definitely be a bit rusty.

Did you have a customized cursor? Oh, no. Wasn’t a fan of those as I found them a bit tacky.

Did you use glitter graphics? Also found those tacky haha no, I never used those.

Do you remember posting glitter graphics on friends' pages? Nope.

Did you make "dolls"? I don’t recall ever making those.

Did you use photo captions? Not sure what this is referring to so let’s just say no.

Did you have a photo slideshow on your profile? Hmmm nope, I don’t think so.

Xanga

Did you have a Xanga account back in the day? No. It wasn’t big here so I had never heard of it until I started taking surveys on here and heard people mentioning Xanga, actually.

Do you have a xanga account now? No.

Did you post photos and quotes on your xanga page? I never had any.

Snapchat

Do you use snapchat? I did; I was superrrrr active on there for a time. It kind of just got old at one point, though, and my feed got more and more dead until I too just left my account dormant altogether.

What is your favorite filter? There were a lot of cute ones on there that helped me be more confident with taking selfies but my favorites have to be the dog and flower crown ones.

Tumblr

Do you understand Tumblr? I had a better handle of it when I ran a fan account that required me to be more active; but now that I really just go on here to take surveys I just use the basic functions and nothing more. But yeah, I understand just enough to get by.

Do you use Tumblr? Yeah. Even on the days I don’t post surveys, I regularly go on here to keep up with friends I like keeping up with like Elisabeth, Lane, Steph, Lina, Julie :)

Other

What forum sites did you use to love that aren't around anymore? There was one message board I frequented for this girly/tween magazine I used to collect, but I won’t share the name.

Are there any other great social media sites that you recommend? I think this survey was able to cover all the main ones I use.

Do you use a photo editing site? If so, what? I use apps instead of sites to edit my photos.

Do you ever use BeFunky.com? Nope.

Do you use a video editing site? If so, what? Nah, I rarely have to edit videos in a super intricate, detailed way. Apple’s video editing features suffice for me.

Have you ever downloaded fonts? Very occasionally since it’s never necessary.

Have you ever used photobucket to upload an image? No but I remember going on there back in the day to look for images. I never uploaded any, though.

Do you use iTunes? Not anymore. I have an account on Spotify now.

Do you listen to music on Pandora? No, never used it.

#surveys #survey

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saltyandsassynomad · 3 years

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As far as my sexuality is concerned, I’ve never felt the need to make a big declarative speech. I simply lived my life how I wanted to and didn’t give two shits about what others thought. I’d always said “straight people don’t make a speech about being straight. Why should people who aren’t straight make one?” (Granted this was made easier by the lack of family in my life but that’s a whole other season of “What Dumpster Fire Do You Call A Family?”)

I am a middle-aged woman (a lady never reveals her age “winky face”) and when I was coming of age we didn’t have all the terms that are now available to describe the various orientations that make up the beautiful rainbow of life. I knew of the big 3: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. I had a tumultuous childhood/upbringing (yet another season of “WDFDYCAF?”) and thinking about my sexuality wasn’t really a priority; not that I felt stifled or scared to talk about it; I was simply dealing with much larger issues at the time. Tune in next season on “WDFDYCAF?” and you’ll find out. I lost my virginity to a male and primarily dated & hooked-up with guys but there was always the attraction to females as well. Therefore, I identified as bisexual.

While I identified as bisexual, I had never imagined myself married to a woman, just a man (of course with a girlfriend on the side “winky face”). I’m not sure why I felt that way; maybe it was because there wasn’t a strong presence of anything else readily available. But this never fully satisfied my soul. It always felt like work, something that needed to be done, not something that was enjoyed. First I would say it was because I hadn’t met the right guy so I kept searching and searching and marrying and divorcing (you can find out more about that shit show on “WTF Did I Just Do?”) and searching and dating and searching and searching (remember I’m a middle-aged woman so that’s a LOT of searching).

Maybe it was because all good things take work, right? I mean that’s what all the pillows on Etsy say don’t they? Maybe I needed to work harder at making relationships work (this is where the disastrous marriage came into play).

When that didn’t work, I thought I might need to direct that hard-working attitude towards myself. Given the family I was born into and the upbringing I had, I have a tons of trauma to work out and a fuck-ton of baggage to unpack. This is a work-in-progress. I am a work-in-progress #UnderConstruction

Not wanting to deny the feminie aspect of my sexual attractions, I started to learn about open relationships and polyamory. I enjoy the fluidity and openness of an honest ployamorous relationship. I’ve found them to be much more in touch with their feelings, more open to listening about others feelings, and easier to be myself around.

Unfortunately there are MANY toxic and unhealthy relationships out there, including in the polyamorous communities. I could write a book on this chaos but I’ll save that for another day. While I did my best to distance myself from those relationships, I did encounter them and it was enough for me to realize that this wasn’t a lifestyle for me. I want to be someone’s number one, someone’s one and only. Those feelings are the opposite of polyamory. I’m glad I had a chance to explore polyamory but I can definitely say it was a phase (in the cliched sense of any sexual choice we make is a “phase”).

Once I realized my desire to number 1, I stopped having casual sex, I became celibate by choice. Not because I am opposed to it but because I’m tired of meaningless encounters. I want to make love to someone not just have sex with them. I want the connection, the intimacy, the closeness and that’s not usually found in a one-night stand. I’m currently at 4 years, 7 months, and 13 days sexually sober.

Don’t get it twisted...I haven’t had sex with anyone ELSE in that time. With myself? Now that’s an entirely different story #SelfLove #GetYouSome

Then in March of 2020 COVID-19 hit & threw us all for a loop. We all found ourselves stuck at home, quarantining with nothing to do (remember back in the beginning when stores were running out of TP and we even had problems getting things delivered? Oh, the good ol’ days, lol). Most of us turned to social media to fill our time. Being ‘old school’ I usually turned to Facebook. Tired of all the drama that fills up the newsfeeds, I usually went straight to the video section and started scrolling. I could get lost there for hours on end.

Getting bored with seeing the same old things time after time, I took someone’s suggestion and looked into TikTok. I was hooked instantly! It was basically all the videos that I was watching on FB but shorter and more entertaining. This is how I began to fill my socially distanced life. I found videos about cooking, animals, crafts, and more. They were sarcastic, funny, sentimental, weird, goofy, everything that I find enjoyable.

Then came the ‘thirst traps’ and damn were they delicious! I had no idea what a thirst trap was but I knew I liked them. After a quick Google search I found my explanation and went right back to the Tok.

As we all know, the algorithm will feed you more and more of what you like. It took a little while for it to kick out the male thirst traps and replace them with the female ones and down the rabbit hole I went. The further I went, the more content I felt I connected with (crafty algorithm). The more I connected, the more my mind wandered (ADD - it does this often “shoulder shrug”). Then one afternoon while doing dishes something clicked in my head. All the sudden I had this thought of sitting on the couch watching TV with my WIFE sitting next to me, not a girlfriend, not someone I was fooling around with casually, not even someone that was a friend but we hooked up occasionally. Nope. I imagined my wife! That was the first time in all my years (still not telling you my age “smirk”) that I ever thought of myself married to a woman. The sense of ease, peace, and comfort I felt in that moment was like none other. It didn’t seem like work. It seemed like home.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was home.

You have NO IDEA what that means to me. I am a middle aged woman without a home. I’m a rootless nomad. To feel at home...I...well...it left me, the Loquacious Lady, at a loss for words. From that moment on I knew I wasn’t pansexual, bisexual, into polyamory, or anti-marriage...I was simply hardcore lesbian who never realized it.

So there you have it Tumblr: My Coming Out Speech, something I never, ever thought I’d make. Having no family (toxicity) and no real life friends to share this with (mental health has thrown me for a loop), I am telling you, the anonymous void, that I am a lesbian.

Happy Taco Tuesday!

LMFAO...I’ve always loved tacos and this day has a whole new meaning now! OMG, I’m dying!

That is all.

Cheers!

#coming out #tacotuesday #under construction #lgbtq #this is me

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meowxyoong · 4 years

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Friend Request 1 | MYG

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst, Some type of fluff?, Yoongi is awkward af but also adorable

Word Count: 1347

Warnings: mentions of abuse, anxiety, low self esteem

PART 2

A/N: Abdjshx i had this idea for a while and finally got over my fear of rejection and started writing lmao 🤧 my plan is to turn this into a drabble series but since it’s my first time writing and i have no idea what i’m doing i will probably see how it goes🥴 Constructive criticism is heavily appreciated!! I’m here to learn and there's always room for improvement lol so please let me know what you think!! ok asdkbga please enjoy this mess

»»————-　♡　————-««

Three years. It has been three years since you last saw the person who changed it all.

You have been good. Life is comfortable. Hanging out with friends is not a burden anymore. Going out is actually fun again. Your job is… well, it’s not your dream position, but at least you manage to get through your shift like any working person would. Of course, there are days where you struggle to get going, to get out of bed and start your day, but those days are less frequent now and you couldn't be more grateful. It took a long time to get to this point.

Though there is one thing that's not as important now as it was before.

Dating.

Why did you ever think you needed to date someone in order to be okay? Three years alone have taught you a lot and the most important lesson was that you are just fine being alone. But… That doesn't mean your friends think the same. “I have told you a million times Lia. I don’t want to go out with anyone. My life is fine right now and I don't want to change anything about it,” you sigh as you stir your coffee. “I know, I know,” Lia says as she throws up her hands in defense, “I just think that your life should not be just fine! It should be fun and exciting and…” you cut her off right there. “I am happy without all of those things. You know I am.” your voice is firm and when Lia looks at you she can tell it’s time to drop the subject.

There was a time where you were all that. Fun, exciting, spontaneous. But now you can't afford any of that. It’s too risky. It took too long to get to this point and safe is better than anything.

Sensing the stiff atmosphere, Momo clears her throat. “Anyway, Yuna’s birthday is this weekend. She's just doing a small get together at her house. You guys are still coming right?” You and Lia both nod your heads as you drink a sip of your coffee, Lia looking like her head is about to fall off from how hard she's nodding. “You’re still picking me up, right?” she asks you while she starts collecting her things. “Yes! Is 8:30 still ok? Sorry to bother you with this” you tell her and she starts shaking her head. “Y/n, I told you I don't mind. I know that arriving alone to places is still a bit...annoying.” Lia takes your hand in hers and squeezes it reassuringly.

“Yes and please don't ever feel like you can't ask us to help you” Momo adds. You thank them both again and get up. “Really guys, you're the best. I really need to get to work though, so talk to you later?” you ask them while throwing your bag over your shoulder. Momo gives you a thumbs up and Lia starts nodding like crazy again. You smile as you make your way to the restaurant you work at. Maybe you're not the best at talking about your feelings and needs but you're sure your friends always have your back despite that.

Your week goes by relatively fast considering how many customers you had. Being a waitress wasn't your dream job, but you forced yourself to take the position in order to get out of your shell more and be forced to talk to people. Amazingly it worked for you and it had helped you a lot, but now that your anxiety has calmed down in that aspect, working is boring most of the time. You think about looking into something else soon as you’re laying on your couch and scrolling on your phone after an exhausting Friday. You have to start getting ready for Yuna’s party soon so you make to check social media one last time before getting in the shower and just as you’re about to close Facebook, a new notification pops up.

Min Yoongi sent you a friend request.

Huh, weird. You don't know anyone named Min Yoongi. You click on his profile and look at his picture. He doesn't even look familiar. Checking out the mutual friends you notice you have quite a few of them, your best friends Momo, Lia and Yuna being in that list too. You don't know why but you accept the request. Maybe you had been introduced and forgot? You open the Facebook event to Yunas party and see that he’s also attending. Well he’s definitely in your circle. Not thinking more of it you close the app and head over to your bathroom. After your shower you hear your phone vibrate. Min Yoongi has sent you a message. You open the messaging app and start laughing.

Min Yoongi [7:32pm]: Hey! So, uuuhm… I was looking at your profile and sent that friend request by accident and you accepted before I could cancel the request so I’m so sorry for requesting to be your friend out of the blue and if you want to delete me that's fine, no hard feelings!

Cute. That's the first thing that comes to mind. You quickly type back.

You [7:34pm]: Hey! Honestly, I accepted because I saw our mutual friends and thought maybe we met at some point and I forgot lol

The message is marked as read immediately and you raise your eyebrows. Was he waiting on you to reply? After a few seconds he starts typing and you get his reply soon after.

Min Yoongi [7:36pm]: Oh! No, I don't think we’ve met before but yeah I saw your name on the list of Yuna’s birthday event and that's where I accidentally sent the request haha are you going to the party?

You read his message and start feeling a tiny bit anxious. You don't really like talking to strangers and having confirmed that you haven't actually met before makes you feel uneasy. Telling him that you're going doesn't feel right. Your defense instincts are kicking in. You read his message again and start thinking. Technically, he isn't a complete stranger because you know he has the same friends as you. At least he’s close enough to Yuna to get invited to her party after she specifically stated it’s for close friends only. But then again, you have never heard of him and he IS still a stranger to you. You start overthinking and try to stop yourself. Lias words start ringing in your head. Life should be fun and exciting. You look at his picture. He looks nice and he’s in your circle of friends. He’s not a complete stranger. Maybe he’s safe. Biting the bullet you type a message and hit send before you can start regretting it.

You [7:43pm]: yeah i’m going! See you there?

You lock your phone, throw it back on the couch and go to your bedroom in three seconds. Sending that message took a lot of courage and getting ready will distract you from overthinking it. You have to leave in half an hour anyway so you need to get dressed fast to put at least some makeup on. You manage to do everything just in time to leave to pick up Lia. As you're walking to the door you grab your phone from the couch and as you're checking the time you see the notification for new messages from Min Yoongi. After a second of hesitation you open it.

Min Yoongi [7:45pm]: yes! See you there! I promise to introduce myself properly :) I also promise I’m not some creep lol

Min Yoongi [7:50]: ok that's definitely what a creep would say

Min Yoongi [7:51]: if you decide to ignore me later I understand

Min Yoongi [7:51]: ok i’ll stop now

You can't help but smile. He really is cute. You sigh. Yeah, maybe he's not some creep, but the anxiousness in your stomach is still there. Perhaps meeting him will calm you down. You stuff your phone in your bag and make your way over to Lia’s.

A/N2: wow you finished it ahgajsgj thank you so much for reading. My ask box is always open and thanks again!!

Thank you so much to @megahwn for the encouragement, THANK YOU TO @hobisgorgeousass for the proof reading and feedback, thank you @softyoongiionly for being an angel as always and A HUGE THANK YOU to @seokjiniescheeks for hyping me up T__T I truly don’t deserve so much love😭😭😭

#yoongi x reader #yoongi fic #spoopysoph #meowxyoong

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hobiwonder · 5 years

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kiss my soul | (m)

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Smut. Incubus!Namjoon.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, exhibitionism, dirty talk, marijuana use, first time, unrealistically good first time bc it’s namjoon and he’s a demon lol

Summary: Namjoon needed a fix. He needed it fast before the consequences were fatal.

a/n: it’s here finally. i hope you guys semi enjoy this! let me know what you think and don’t forget to check out other stories in this collab :) this was a last minute story lol rbfgbieeifhwkf. I incorporated the first time request in this story as well.

“You sure you don’t want to come? I heard everyone is going.” Soobin is wiggling her eyebrows at you while she rummages through the same pile of clothes for the tenth time, probably thinking she’ll come across something new.

“That’s what you say every time.” You try not to be rude and roll your eyes at her but it was true. This wasn’t the first party she had said the exact same thing about. Finally grabbing the little black dress she’d been eyeing, she’s plopping on the bed next to you, almost knocking over your laptop.

“Yeah but, this time everyone will be there. Like, the seniors, football team and,” she hesitates slightly but not out of fear or uncertainty, “Kim Namjoon.” She whispers his name like it was a secret that only a few people knew in murmurs and gossip. Maybe that’s why it sends a slight shiver down your spine hearing the campus dealer’s name again. He was definitely not the crowd you mingled with. Or knew how to mingle with.

“So? It’s not like I know him…” Of course, Soobin won’t leave it alone, only sighing in exasperation when she didn’t really need to be this dramatic.

“And you never will if you stay cooped up in this room! Come on! Just go this once? You need some friends.”

“I have friends.” Your mumble is barely tangible but she has probably memorised the shape of your lips whenever they form these exact same words.

“Other than me.” Her glare can be felt on your back – that you’ve turned as she changes. She doesn’t mind you watching but you definitely did. You wouldn’t want anyone seeing you naked while you change so god knows how she can handle it.

“You know that I don’t really have problems with just one friend, right? This is why-”

“-Why you started mid-year so you wouldn’t have to be forced into making friends yeah yeah.” She’s waving her hand in dismissal but you only send her a sweet smile.

“See? You get it. Now go and have fun drinking, dancing and… whatever it is that you do there.” Soobin just scoffs at your nonchalant shrug, curling her hair while she watches you in the mirror.

After about 3 minutes, you’re starting to get jittery at her stares. “Okay, what?”

“If you go to one party with me I won’t annoy you anymore.” Exhaling, you’re actually kind of considering this. Maybe you can get her off your back about being ‘out there’ if you just show up to one.

“Fine. I’ll go but-” her face is lighting up like a hundred watt bulb until you put up your finger to slow down whatever plan is running through her head. “Not today. The next one.”

She’s shrieking as she lunges for you, hugging you tightly like you told her she won a million dollars or something. “I can accept that. Eee! I’m so excited.”

Her excitement is a little contagious and for some reason you feel yourself looking forward to actually going. Maybe it won’t be that bad after all. As long as you had her to guide you through. This was not your forte and you’d never been to any sort of party other than prom.

“Promise you won’t ditch me? I have never been to a party before.” You figured there was no way of hiding that fact anymore and judging by her face she probably expected it too.

“I won’t! But I honestly can’t understand how you’ve been so oblivious to the social side of college or even high school. Did you guys not have parties?”

“Well, my town was pretty small. And my mom is very,” you try to find the right words that don’t sound as harsh as they did in your mind, “conservative. So I didn’t really do much back home.” Shrugging your shoulders, you feel the wave of nostalgia crash when you remember the simpler life back home a couple hours from your university and even a slight disdain for your mother for keeping you so sheltered that just even the thought of attending a gathering of people outside of class gave you anxiety.

“Hey, it’s okay. This is college and you’re far away from your mom. So, time to do everything that you were told not to.” Her eyebrows are wiggling again and you can’t help but laugh at her goofy face.

“No thanks. I’ll stick to trying to have my first drink. Or not. I hope I don’t die.” Could one die from having a drink of alcohol in their 20s? Was that too late?

“Oh stop. You’ll be fine. You have to try everything once okay?” you opt for paying attention to the laptop screen as you take notes from the lecture that you missed.

“Y/N!”

“Fine! Gosh. As long as they aren’t narcotics, I’ll… give it a try? Wait not. I’m scared.” You lean back, making a horrified face when the image of you passed out on some fraternity’s couch floods your brain. Okay maybe you have a completely wrong perception of college culture.

“No need to.” Soobin is getting up to finish up her makeup as she continues. “As long as you get the stuff from Namjoon, you’ll be on cloud 9 babe. He’s the real deal.”

In the few months you’ve been here, you’ve heard the mysterious name more than a dozen times and all those times, it had been in whispers. You had yet to see him up close because the glimpse you got the other week while you were coming back to your dorm from the pharmacy was too good to be true. All his angles had been sharp as glass, lips plump and made you bite yours, body proportions that you’d only seen on super models in the many magazines Soobin read. He was so beautiful you’d stopped in your tracks until your eyes had locked with his own, catching you staring at him like a fool. You remembered the way all the blood in your body had rushed to your cheeks and yet, all this movement of your blood in your body didn’t translate in to your limbs moving with it. You’d been frozen on spot, looking back in to his dark eyes until Soobin had clutched your arm, shrieking in your ear about Kim Namjoon.

Maybe you saw him at night so he looked better than he actually was? You’re hoping that’s true because you’re not sure you can really enjoy a party he’s at since your body seems to grow restless around his presence. It’s like it knows that Namjoon is in close proximity. He makes your blood sing and you want nothing more than to get closer.

“Who exactly.. is he?” Soobin is taking in a sharp breath as if just remembering him brings her great gratification.

“He’s a senior in Music. Resident dealer that has a seemingly endless supply of weed. But he adds something to it. No one knows what it is but it’s damn good. Plus, he only sleeps with you if it’s your first time. In fact, I lost my virginity to him. It was almost…. Supernatural.”

Her sigh of contentment is very telling when she doesn’t say anything else for the next few minutes, seeming to be in deep thought remembering the said moment. Your own cheeks are going red at the mention of losing virginity because you certainly haven’t lost yours yet.

“What if it’s harmful? Do people not care?” She shrugs again.

“Nothing has happening to anyone yet. His older brother dealt the same thing. Plus, it’s not like he’s forcing you to take it. Unsurprisingly, his clientele is mostly females since most of the guys hate that he pulls.”

“That sounds very cliché. Hot guy every other guy hates and every girl loves? There must be a catch.”

“There is. I just told you about it. He only sleeps with virgins.” She’s pouting at you like it’s such a great inconvenience for her that she isn’t.

“But why?” You couldn’t seem to wrap your head around the fact that a very experienced man would want to sleep with very inexperienced women. You thought it was the exact opposite?

“I don’t know.” She seems to be thinking over that fact for the first time too. Like she hadn’t questioned it before. “I don’t know of anyone who’s slept with him twice. Oh other than Hyuna. Though she’s hot on another level so I can see why he would say yes to her. I’d totally bang her.”

Your cheeks are screaming once again at the mention of the – yes, insanely attractive – female. She seemed to hang around that crowd too since you never really saw her outside of that group. Only glimpses.

“Are they dating by any chance?” While you talk to Soobin, you open another tab on your laptop, typing the two names that you both were having a conversation about and bookmark the facebook page that shows up. You’ll have to look these people up if you were going to come face to face with them. Soobin’s snort however, snaps you out of your little bookmark spree and you close the lid shut when she walks to the side where her heels and other shoes were lined up.

“No way. She is just like Namjoon. She sleeps with guys once and then moves on. Maybe Namjoon is just one of those guys who’s all in to purity and shit.”

“Weird.” You can’t help but mumble as you think over her response.

“Weird but hot. If only he’d let me in his pants again.” She’s groaning as you roll your eyes once more at her. She always sounds like she’s in chronic pain when she isn’t getting laid.

“It can’t have been that much better than other guys you’ve… been with.” You wince at your hesitation. Hoping to not offend her but she just giggles in response.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to be mad at you for little things like this y/n. And to answer your question,” she falls back down on the bed once again as she stairs up at the ceiling wistfully, “Yes. It was. It’s like I don’t remember anything at all but at the same time I do. It was almost… magical. I know it sounds cheesy but I can just remember that it was the best night of my life.”

You’re so pulled in to her story, leaning your head on your palms as you listen to her recall her first time. Would it be like this for you too? Would he be that great?

“Is someone thinking about doing the dirty with Namjoon?” She’s whistling at your reddening face and you don’t even try to deny the fact that you’d been fantasising about it.

“W-When you say it like that.” You don’t meet her inquisitive eyes as she just laughs, turning her gaze back to the ceiling and pulling you with her so you both stared up like the white paint held some sort of profound meaning and answers to life.

“I felt like I was high but I don’t remember taking anything before. Maybe I did? I don’t know. I just felt like I was floating and it didn’t hurt at all. Felt really sore the next day though.” She turned to face you, making a face in distaste.

“My head hurt like a bitch and I had to like, take a few days and rest. But that was probably my hangover.” Soobin just shrugs and gets up, putting on her high heels and grabbing her purse.

“My point is, you’re lucky you have the option to have your first time with someone like Namjoon.”

“I-I never said I wanted to.” You’re getting up from the bed to lock the door once she’s gone. Hoping that you’ve made a face strict enough that she believes you even just a little bit that you didn’t want anything physical to do with Kim Namjoon. He sounded like…. Too much for you.

“You say that now. We’ll see! Bye, don’t wait up!” She’s giggling as she runs off with the other girls standing and waiting in the hallway.

“I won’t.” You’re just mumbling to yourself as you close the door, heart slightly pounding and you’d only been just talking about the mysterious Namjoon.

Not long after, you’re climbing back on to your bed, bringing the bookmarked tabs back up as Namjoon’s sultry eyes appear once again. Scrolling through his profile, the information there is limited. You don’t find much more than just a picture that had been uploaded 4 years ago. Had he not changed it? Maybe he wanted it that way because of the ‘business’ he was involved in. There are a couple of other pictures taken in the same year with Hyuna and a few other men that you recognize from campus as well. You’d only seen them around once or twice but never at day time either. It was obvious they were a clique.

In each photo, Namjoon seemed to look intensely at the camera. You’re mesmerized momentarily, just by a picture. Watching his droopy eyes looking right back at you. What was is about his eyes that reeled you in so? You never wanted to look away and yet you wanted to scroll away at the same time. In fact, all the men in the picture gazed intensely at the camera lens as if they knew someone was looking back at them. Just imagining that face above yours sends a shiver down your spine and quickly, you’re exiting out of the tab. Too overwhelmed. If you were going to feel this overwhelmed from just one picture that maybe you couldn’t do this.

You were probably over thinking it. Maybe you won’t even come in to contact with him at all. And who said he’ll even take a liking to you? You were pretty average in all aspects. Yeah maybe a little above average in your studies but that was it, really. So it probably won’t be the way you were thinking. Like he was going to pick you, specifically, out of the crowd and ask to take away your virginity.

“Namjoon.” Unknowingly, you’d been whispering his name as thoughts of him ran through your head. Why was there such little information about him online when so many people seem to know him? You didn’t understand.

You phone pings indicating you’d received a message. Bringing up your phone, you see a photo message from Soobin. Clicking on the image to load, her smiling face pops up with a couple of other girls from your area standing beside her, smiling up at the camera. Smiling, you’re just about to lock your phone again until a certain pair of eyes have you doing a double take at the photo.

Clicking the image and dragging two of your fingers apart to enlarge the photo, you can clearly see Namjoon’s familiarly intense eyes peering in to yours. Your blood runs cold just for a moment as you blink a few times to make sure he was actually looking at the camera or just somewhere beside. But even blinking a few times doesn’t make the intense pair of eyes go away or look somewhere else. He was definitely looking in to the camera.

Your eyebrows furrow at how eerie it was that you’d been just looking at his photos and now.. he was looking in to the camera like he knew the photo was being sent to you. Like he knew… your phone is suddenly dropping from your clutch as you bring your hands up to your mouth, eyes wide. Wait could he know? What if there was some sort of software that told you who was looking at your page? Was your webcam hacked? You shake your head at that thought when you see the band aid on the camera lens. No way anyone was able to see anything. You were just being paranoid. This is why you didn’t want to go outside and socialise.

“This is exactly why you have to socialise!” Soobin is shrieking at you – while you try not to bleed out of your ears - as she curls your hair. It was a week after you’d agreed to attend one of the many parties held at the frats every Saturday. Soobin had come home last week and hadn’t been able to shut up since about how boring the party was since Namjoon and his crew of attractive men were apparently not there despite you having seen him in the background of the picture you saw. When you’d tried to show her what you meant, she’d still hadn’t been able to see his sparkly eyes in the background. Much of your time had been spent since then to try and convince her that Namjoon was definitely there in the photo.

“I don’t see him y/n. You just want him so badly that you’re seeing things.” She’s singing mockingly – playfully – as she curls the last few bits of your long hair. You were wearing the shortest dress you owned – it reached just above the knees – and unsurprisingly, it was white. The tops were lace that framed your décolletage modestly. The only ‘immodest’ thing you could see that your mother would definitely scold you about were the spaghetti straps. It was the closest thing you owned to a dress that didn’t look like you were going to church. Which you still hadn’t gone to ever since you’d arrived in the city. You really needed to go to the nearest community church and introduce yourself. Your mother’s incessant voice was scolding and shaming you in the back of your head the longer you stalled. Tomorrow you definitely will.

“I’m not! I don’t know what’s wrong with your eyes. He is in the back it’s so obvious.” You can’t help the pout when you’re trying to convince her for the thousandth time that you saw him looking straight in the camera but somehow she can’t see him. You hadn’t even told her about the dreams you’d had of him every night this past week. Watching yourself walk a dimly lit pathway in a strange building until you reached the room he sat in. Every dream ended as soon as you opened the door, never being able to quite have good look apart from a glimpse of Namjoon’s face.

“Y/n, he wasn’t even there so I don’t know how you saw him let alone him looking straight in to the camera. Don’t you think I would’ve noticed him when I was sending it to you?”

You shrug, wincing when she pulls on a tendril a little too hard. “Maybe you were too drunk.”

“I wish. It was pretty tame and boring last week. So no. I wasn’t drunk.” She’s glaring at you through the mirror while you just avert your gaze. Maybe you were confused… hm.

“Okay! All done. Now, let me quickly change and we’ll go.” She’s scurrying off to change in the bathroom for once and you just look at the final result in the mirror.

You looked pretty but still you. You who was very unaware and ignorant to the life you were about to go experience. Maybe you should adjust the way you stand so you don’t look completely like a fish out of water?

“What are you doing weirdo.” Soobin is chuckling behind you while you quickly straighten up.

“I don’t know. I look so… me. I feel like ‘I’m a virgin’ is written across my forehead or something.”

“You’re fine babe.” She’s squeezing your shoulder from behind as she smiles kindly at you. She was gorgeous. She looked gorgeous in no matter what she wore so maybe it was easy for her to say. But nonetheless, your nerves ease enough for you to grab your purse as you both lock hands and walk out.

When you both arrive, the heavy bass can be almost felt from outside the building. Crowds of people loitering the front porch and your nerves are already kicking in.

“Soo…,” you sound just as unsure as you felt. There were bodies everywhere and you could feel your anxiety about to kick in. You were so out of depth.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’ll be fun!” She’s smiling widely at you as she grabs your hand, leading you inside ahead of you. Both of you have to slide between bodies of strangers who are dancing, drinking or doing both. While Soobin seems to slither away with ease as she smiles charmingly, saying hi to some and ‘excuse me’ to some, you feel the exact opposite. You’re sure your face looks horrified to some degree and the curious looks from other people just confirms your suspicion.

“Gosh, it’s packed today!” She’s looking around happily, having to scream a little so you can hear her.

“Y-Yeah.” Your nervous laugh goes unnoticed in the loud booming noise of the sultry music.

“I’m glad you came with me this week and not last.” She’s laughing as she flips her hair, watching the two boys who were looking her way ever since you two stopped near anther hallway.

“Yeah I’m not so sure..” looking around, you don’t see a single familiar face. You can definitely feel people looking at you and probably how out of place you looked but that could also be your brain making you overthink.

“Don’t flake out on me now. I’ll go get us a drink!” Before you can stop her she’s disappeared off to probably where the drinks table was. You remember seeing it when you entered but there were too many people here to figure out on your own where it was. Thinking it safer to stay put than wander around, you lean back against the wall, trying to look around insouciantly at the crowd. As soon as you lock eyes with one of the boys dancing on the floor, your gaze is turning down and you take out your phone to fiddle with it while waiting for Soobin.

Unknowingly, you pull up the picture that she had sent last week and instantly, you can see Namjoon’s eyes once more.

“How…,” you keep exiting out of the messages app and entering again just to make sure you weren’t seeing things. And you definitely weren’t. Where was Soobin? You needed to show her this. Looking up, you walk forward a little bit, hoping to see her among the crowd but you can’t see anything in this dim light. What you do see, however, is how familiar the hallway besides you looked. Trying to rake your brain for answers, you decide to have a look. Why did it feel like you’d been here before when this was your first time coming to this frat house?

You walk a little further towards the darker hallway, lit with a dim yellow light right at the end of it. All breath is sucked out of you when you realise where you’d seen it before. Every marking on the wall starts to come back to you when you remember the exact place you’d been dreaming about this past week. You can feel the skin of your arm raising up in goosebumps, mouth running dry as you continue to stare. How did you dream about a place you’d never seen before? How was this possible. What was even more eerie was how your body had started to take you further in to the hallway as if moving on its own accord. You find yourself bracing your hands against the walls as you walk forward, reaching the end of the hallway. With every step, you felt yourself growing calmer and calmer.

Why did you feel like this was what you were supposed to do? You didn’t even know where you were going but your feet seemed to. Somehow, you’d lost all control of your body and you weren’t nearly as scared as you thought you would be. Turning to the right where you saw a door, just like in your dream, you walk further towards it. Your fingers reach forward on the handle as you gulp in the saliva that had pooled in your mouth all of a sudden. When you open the door, even though you know to some extent what will greet you, you still close your eyes, afraid that this unnerving coincidence was not that at all. A coincidence.

“Hello, y/n.” The deep, euphonious voice sends a shiver down your spine so violently that you’re stumbling forward in the room, breath held but eyes finally open and coming face to face with Namjoon. How did you know he would be here? How did he know your name? Did he know you were coming in? He sure sounded like he was expecting you. And just as you had expected before, you were awestruck at his beauty and once again, his sharpest and the most attractive feature were his smouldering eyes. Looking at you like he wanted to devour you.

“H-Hi?”

“She’s cute.” Your head jerks towards the female voice and the blush creeps up on your skin furiously when you see her on the lap of another man who you would think looked a bit forlorn with her on his lap if it wasn’t for the possessive way he was holding on to her.

“And all mine.” Namjoon sounds even more menacing than he looks while the girl in question, who you recognize as Hyuna, just smirks and resumes placing kisses on the boy’s long neck. You should be turning away and running out. This was no place for you with Namjoon sitting on the couch, legs splayed like he owned the place while unfamiliar girls sat at each side, kissing his neck, caressing his hair.

This was too scandalous for you and yet your eyes took in their every lustful look. “Come on. Don’t be shy, y/n.”

Something about his smile is so reassuring and has such a calming effect on you once again that you’re walking forward with ease, almost in a trance until you come to a halt in front of him. What was happening to you? You were being so reckless and yet, you physically couldn’t stop yourself. For all you knew, he could be a murderer. Oh god.

It’s not until you’ve been tugged down on his lap that you snap out of your inner monologue and notice the thick smoke surrounding you, lacing the air that you breathe in. It didn’t reek heavily of marijuana and you wonder if it’s because of that ‘secret’ ingredient that Soobin said Namjoon used. When his hands slither around your waist, you can feel your flesh getting covered in goosebumps, skin feeling like it had been electrified where he touched. Your back straightened slightly at the contact, in turn pushing out your chest involuntarily closer to his.

“H-How do you know m-my name?” Namjoon just continues to stare you down, a playful smile on his lips as his other hand also clambers up your thigh where your dress had ridden up a fair bit.

“Don’t be like this, love. You know we’ve met before.” Your breathing had picked up significantly and you think you might faint as your mind wanders back to the strange dreams you’ve been having. And the photo… Namjoon has not broken character. He’s as put together as you’re about to lose it. His warm hands caressing your back and thigh are not helping. Not to forget the salacious noises coming from Hyuna and her boytoy who are now locked in a heavy embrace.

“T-That’s not possible. I-I have to go. I-” you’re shaking your head while closing your eyes for just a second to gather your thoughts. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea.

“Y/n.” Your body halts where it is on his lap at his commanding tone. “Sit. Here, take this, darling.”

You can see him reaching besides him where the smoking cigarette lay, almost looking like a cigar, before bringing the sweet smelling stick towards you. Namjoon makes sure to keep his eyes locked on to yours when he parts his luscious lips, wrapping them tantalising around the thick object and takes in a deep drag while his eyes close as well. It’s the single most erotic thing you’d seen tonight. Or maybe ever. You’re mesmerised as you watch him hold in the smoke in his mouth for a few seconds before he’s bringing his face even closer to yours and then blowing the smoke gently, right on to your face.

Your eyes close on instinct, anticipating a foul smell or for your eyes to burn. But as surprising as everything else tonight, no such thing happens. Instead, you can feel yourself breathing the sweet yet earthy scent in even deeper, lungs seeming to not be able to get enough of the thick smoke inside. When your eyes open, you find Namjoon’s sparkling ones staring right at you.

“You want more?” There is no question about you being under the influence of something at this stage. Whatever it was that Namjoon was making you inhale – it was messing with your brain and making you that much more receptive to everything that was happening. You didn’t feel the need to suddenly get up and go. Instead, your hands found purchase on the silk of his shirt as he took in another deep drag of the cigar. You had your eyes closed, ready for the gust of smoke to hit your nostrils but instead, you feel Namjoon’s nimble fingers taking a hold of your chin as your eyes fall open in surprise.

The next thing he does almost makes you faint but you just hang on to him tighter, knuckles turning white as he taps his fingers on to your lips in a signal for you to part them. Your eyes are wide, a small moan escaping your mouth that’s painted red and then – Namjoon is exhaling the thick translucent smoke right in to your mouth. You could feel the warmth of his lips that almost touched yours and the closeness only makes you yearn to have them locked with yours.

“You liked that baby?” Every movement from his mouth can faintly be felt on your lips – that’s how close he is. But for some reason, he doesn’t close the distance. Though the strange wetness between your thighs makes you want to rub them together until you would no doubt chafe them. Your shifting on his lap however, has him looking down with you but he doesn’t look as clueless as you. Instead, he’s biting his lip, a heavy hand running down your thigh before running up on the insides of it – dangerously close to your white cotton panties. If you’d known you’d be lured in to Namjoon’s sex dungeon, you would’ve worn something sexier.

The thought has your eyes going wide – remembering Soobin’s words.

He only sleeps with virgins.

Did he plan to have sex with you? Were you ready for that?

Before you can comprehend anything else, you’re blurting out the words as they form on your tongue while the smoke has clouded your brain, giving you courage you otherwise wouldn’t have. “A-Are you going to h-have sex with me?”

His body is rumbling with the laugh that he lets out, head tilting slightly backwards revealing the long column of his throat. You never thought someone just merely laughing – and at you no less – could look this picturesque. His hands have started to play with the hem of your dress while you wait for him to reply. When he finally looks back at you, the playfulness is replaced with something more carnal.

“Do you want me to?” Did you? Your body was humming with need when just an hour ago you weren’t even sure you wanted to stay at the party.

Namjoon’s hand that had been on your thigh was now drawing irregular shapes on the exposed skin, making it harder for you to think straight when each touch of his finger sent a jolt of need straight to your core.

“You don’t exactly have the luxury to choose Namjoon. Don’t be a fool and stop playing with your food.”

Once again you’d forgotten that Hyuna was right behind you but when you see her walking towards the door with the man she’d been with, your nerves come back at the prospect of being left alone with Namjoon. Were you safe here? What did she mean by food? All these questions are running through your head as everyone leaves the room one by one until you’re left completely alone with Namjoon.

He’s staring at you like he wants to devour you and you wonder if Hyuna meant that figuratively. How else could she possibly mean?

“Don’t be scared, love. I’m very gentle.” The way he tilts his head, a small grin on his face – it all makes you forget whatever it was that you were worried about. The burning needs is even more noticeable now as Namjoon’s large hands slip down to your bottom, pulling on your hips to slide you further up his lap.

“Lift up for me, y/n.” His voice is even while your breathing is not. You’ve never been in a compromising position like this with another man let alone one as attractive, terrifying and mysterious as him. Now that your legs were on either side of his body, your dress had all but been shifted up your ass most likely exposing your cotton panties. Not only that but the dampness of your panties was very much getting worse – Namjoon probably able to feel your arousal if he just slipped his hand a little further down. At this point, you were trying to not faint in his lap while under the influence of whatever the mysterious cigar had been – yet, you’re not feeling frightened or even the slightest worry. Instead, the excitement is bubbling deep within your core making you squirm under his heavy gaze.

“You smell divine little bird.” His hands have started to caress your back, fingers dancing along your spine while his gaze holds yours hostage. If you thought staring at his eyes through a photo was overwhelming – looking in to the dark irises now was an entirely different experience. The pounding of your heart is intense and loud – being able to feel your chest ‘thud’ with every beat.

A breath leaves escapes when Namjoon’s hands put pressure on the curve of your back, making your body move in a provocative rhythm with the heavy, muted music that can be heard from outside, making the actions even more wicked. The steady trickle of arousal from your core making your underwear stick to the contours of your pussy as the bundle of nerves situated above grazed the denim of Namjoon’s tight jeans with every roll of your hips. Soon enough, you’ve started to control the rhythm on your own as wicked desire has taken a hold of all of your senses – all worry and apprehension long dissipated in to the thick smoky air.

“N-Namjoon.” His name falls from your lips like a plea and his smirk only deepens as he sits back, settling in to the plush couch while a hand stays at the curve of your back to guide each movement.

“Hmm… you’re really good at this despite your inexperience little bird.” The pet name has you even more bothered. The seemingly innocent nickname rolling off a lot more alluringly from his tongue.

The hardness laying heavy between your legs was the testament to how effected he was too and that was where any indication of how much he was affected – ended. The sensual man looking you over like you’re his personal entertainer was only urging you on further in the roll of your hips. Never having felt any sensations like this before – you’re drunk on the pheromones in the air that was becoming smokier and smokier as Namjoon took deep inhales of the cigar. Your hands are clutching desperately on to Namjoon’s silk shirt with each roll of your hips – not being able to stop the inevitable.

Leaning forward, Namjoon is wrapping his hand around your hair at the nape of your neck, tilting your head backwards as he moves even closer. For a mere moment, you could cry with joy thinking he’ll finally kiss you. But alas, the wait is still on as he only exhales the thick smoke in your mouth, dragging his other hand down the middle of your chest as if he was tracing the pathway the smoke was taking inside of you.

“Please,” you didn’t know what you were asking for but for some reason this burning need had replaced the steadily growing arousal. It’s like with every inhale of the thick, sweet smoke, you were becoming desperate for something unknown, something you didn’t know you needed. However, Namjoon seemed to know exactly what he’s doing when he’s sliding off a strap of your dress of your shoulder, pressing hot open mouthed kisses up the column of your throat.

“It’ll be such a shame to ruin you.” His plush lips press a searing kiss underneath your earlobe, sending a chill down your spine. “But I have no choice. I’ve been waiting too long for you.”

Maybe If you weren’t so focused on trying to relieve the growing ache in your core, you would notice Namjoon’s dangerous words. But his actions and words didn’t corroborate each other. Where his words were somewhat threatening and worrying, his touch was soft and sensual – eating away at your rationality until you were a shivering mess in his lap. Your soft groans and needy whimpers only egg him on as he slides the other strap down your shoulder too.

Where you couldn’t even change in front of Soobin – you were being undressed by a man you barely knew and somehow you didn’t care. In a haste – you’re clawing at his shirt, trying to reveal some skin you could taste yourself. Never having been this bold – you even surprise yourself when you start unbuttoning Namjoon’s shirt.

“Slow down little bird. We have all the time in the world.” His chuckle doesn’t do much to halt your actions. Instead, you’re hurriedly popping off each button, revealing the smooth expanse of his chest and tight abdominal muscles. With his hair pushed back, eyes heavy – he looks like the definition of an angel. His skin is somehow almost glowing and you want nothing more than to cover it with your kisses.

“P-Please. I-I need-” Namjoon slides his hands inside your dress, dragging the fabric upwards until you lift up your arms to let him take it off completely.

“What do you need, y/n? Where do you need me?” He doesn’t sound like he genuinely wants to know. You can tell he just wants to make you say aloud. Say things aloud you never thought you would ask for let alone let some stranger do to you.

“Y-you. I need… you- oh.” Namjoon has started to palm one of your heaving breasts – pulling on the nipple through your white bra.

“Where, little bird? Where do you want me?” His reverberating growl makes another trickle of arousal escape, soiling your panties and no doubt staining his pants too.

Taking his hand that’s on your chest and dragging it downwards until it rests just above your underwear band. If you thought Namjoon’s eyes were dark and heavy before – his irises were completely black now. His pupils dilated and nostrils flaring as he looks down at your hand covering his own. “Here.”

You don’t know how you kept yourself from being a stuttering mess when asking something so completely shameless from him. No morals or ethics were currently holding you back as you asked him for what you needed. With another noise that sounded much like an inhuman growl, Namjoon’s shoving his hand inside your panties as his fingers dive straight for your slit making your head fall back as the delicious sensations have you singing.

“I can’t wait much longer but… I’ll make you feel good y/n. I’ll taste every inch of you.” You’re none the wiser when he’s growling like that, caressing your silken folds with his fingers that drag against them – relieving the pressure slightly. But that doesn’t make you want him less. A jolt of electricity goes through you when his index and middle finger slide upwards – settling on your clit and rolling it in tight circles.

“Ah! N-Namjoon I’m so c-close.” You felt like you were about to burst in to tears. So tightly wound but not being able to untie that knot somehow. Namjoon doubled his ministration, mumbling his erogenous words and promises about what he would do to you. But at no point do you ask him to stop. When his two circling fingers suddenly slip back down – your eyes are going wide at the loss of the sensations. You were so, so close.

But you don’t have to wait for too long as he’s spearing his two fingers inside your clenching entrance, making you shout aloud from the sudden thick intrusion. “Breathe, y/n. Just relax for me baby. Just like that.”

His soothing voice is enough for you to be doing exactly as he says. Your vaginal walls are relaxing around his digits as they rub your insides – nudging at that spongy spot that has you seeing stars with a shout.

“Namjoon! Oh god…” His chuckle is somehow heard through your own cries as he starts to thrust the two slickened fingers in and out.

“God won’t be able to save you now darling. Not when I’m about to have a taste…”

In an instant, Namjoon has you pushed back in to the couch, back laying on the soft velvety couch while his lithe figure loomed over you. His silk shirt open, exposing his smooth yet firm chest, hair falling forward as he supported his weight on the arm that wasn’t occupied. If you’d thought he looked beautiful before – he looked almost otherworldly now. It was as if you were in a dream – barely able to comprehend what was going on other than the intense burning in your core that seemed to flow out to the rest of your body. Your legs had fallen open, giving Namjoon full opportunity to continue his assault on your core that you welcomed. Back arching, his name falling from your lips – you revelled in the hedonistic pleasure that Namjoon was forcing inside your buzzing frame.

“That’s it little bird. Cum for me. Give me a taste, won’t you…” The slight tilt of his head as his mischievous tone asks you the rhetorical question only pushes you closer to your peak. As Namjoon continues to scissor his two fingers in and out of your pussy, your mind his becoming hazy.

“Fucking hell. You look amazing. Cum now y/n.” It’s his last growl that has you clamping your legs around his waist – crying out his name like a prayer while you spasm beneath him cumming harder than your own hand had ever made you.

Gently – Namjoon continues to thrust his fingers inside, momentarily pulling them out completely to rub your leaking fluids all around your pussy. Just when you think the burning in your core would subside – nothing of the sort happens. Instead, you can feel like desire clawing its way back in to your pussy faster than before and you’re extending your arms to bring Namjoon closer to you.

“K-Kiss me. Please, N-Namjoon…. I need-” He pulls his hand out of your panties, bringing them up to his lips as he pushes his slick, dripping fingers inside his mouth – tasting you on his tongue. A deep rumble from within his throat makes your body shiver once more and makes all the blood rush to your cheeks when he closes his eyes as well – savouring the taste. Maybe he was trying to distract you from asking him to kiss you. Whatever it was, it works as you watch him in a daze.

“I wish I could eat your pussy until you’re all I can taste but… I need you. Now.” His growl is carnal and you’re just following his every command. The buzzing in your core has become more incessant and you’re positively vibrating with need. Namjoon makes haste of his shirt, pushes down his arousal stained jeans and even before they are off – you can tell that he’s bigger than the average man. His erection stand proud and thick, the pearly white pre-cum leaking from the mushroom head as he palms himself.

You’re staring in amazement as even his own hand just barely fits around the base and it’s the first time tonight you’re having second thoughts. But Namjoon has quickly come forward, hovering on top of you again as he bites his lip.

“Take everything off little bird. I want to see all of you.” He watches you with his sparkling eyes while you unclip your bra and take off your panties that have strings of arousal keeping it from being completely torn off and Namjoon hisses at the image. “Fuck, you’re so wet baby. So wet and ready for me. I’ve been waiting so long…”

There it was again. What did he mean by waiting? Waiting for you? Did you know him from somewhere else? You don’t remember telling anyone about coming to the party or even your university. So how did he know you would be here?

“Ah!” All breath is knocked out of you once again tonight when Namjoon’s warm tongue is licking across your nipples – wetting them and sucking them gently to have you writhing. Your head is pushed back and eyes closed as his hands pull your pelvis closer to his own – getting ready to connect you both and it only makes you mewl louder.

It’s only for a second – if not less – that you open your eyes. What you see, however, has your blood running cold. Namjoon’s tongue is still laving your hardened nipples but the shape of his tongue is something else entirely. You’re so sure that his tongue edges were a serrated shape but before you can scream or say anything – Namjoon has pushed his entire girth inside your weeping pussy.

“Fuck!” He’s growling while your eyes are blown wide simultaneously. You expected excruciating pain to go through your entire body but apart from a slight pinch – you feel nothing but bliss. Maybe it was the effect of whatever he had you smoke or maybe sex felt this good even for the first time? You don’t get to mull over that thought for long when he grabs on to your hands and pins them above you head – gazing deeply in to your eyes.

“You’re better than anything I ever imagined. I’m going to ruinyou, darling.” His chuckle is sinister but you can only push your hips up in an effort to take him deeper when he was already pushed to the hilt. Your cries can be heard throughout the room and finally – Namjoon starts to move his hips.

With each thrust of his fluid hips forward, you’re being pushed backwards on the couch, a symphony of his name falling from your lips. Soon, sweat starts to trickle down his temples as he pushes his hips in to you with ever increasing force. His teeth are clenched hard enough that you can see every twitch in his cheek muscle. Your breasts bouncing with every vicious thrust of his length as it spears in to your pussy.

“Na-am-jo-on. Oh god.” Your eyes are tearing up as the knot in your core gets tighter and tighter – Namjoon’s length growing even harder inside you. Even when you two are joined so intimately like this; he doesn’t kiss you. He doesn’t even indicate if he even wantsto kiss you. Your hands are clawing at his back, mouth hanging open like a drunkard as he grabs one of your legs and pulls on it until your ankle hangs off of his shoulder. The new angle reaching depths inside you that you hadn’t felt before and the new sensations make you cry harder – so good that they border on painful. It’s like he’s shoving the powerful sensations inside you with every deep thrust.

“Fuck yes. God won’t be able to stop me from having you, love.” His laugh is just as hypnotising – but now with a ominous edge to it. He’s looking down at you with his tongue peeking out from the edge of his enticing mouth. You’re in no shape to fight him off – or that you want to. Not when you’re so close to the finish line you could taste the relief. It’s so persistent that you feel as if it would never stop. Your breaths growing shallower as high pitched sobs sound from your mouth – tears streaming down your face as your overheated body takes every slap of his hips against your ass. The lewd noises that accompany his every lunge only make you gush more.

“You gunna cum for me, y/n? Your needy pussy ready to gush for me? Hm? Answer me!”

His tone is nowhere as gentle as when he’d started as he stares you down – sweat dripping down his temple and the bridge of his nose while all you can do is sob and nod out your reply. Namjoon is taking it a step further as he brings your other leg up too until both of your ankles now hang off of his shoulder – almost folding you in half as his cock slices in to your pussy like a hot knife going through butter. Your body so pliable from his hands constantly squeezing and running across it.

Just when you feel the string inside you about to snap – Namjoon makes the sensations tenfold more severe when his palm lands on your blood filled clit, rubbing it in circles before he pinches it to push you face first in to an almost violent orgasm as your whole body twitches. You can’t recall how long your orgasm went for – or how long you’d actually been with him, really. But it seems to go on and on and on. Your body stretched tight as your back remains arched – hands trying to grasp any part of Namjoon’s body as he continuous to push his cock in and out of your sloppy cunt.

Your orgasm is prolonged surely because of Namjoon’s never slowing ministrations. Your body is flopping in to the couch as the toll of your strenuous and debauched activities finally kicks in. Your arms and legs are quivering and yet, the stiff length that’s being dragged in and out of you is not relenting. The sweat dripping from Namjoon’s temple tells you how much of his energy is being used – and so is yours. Because it felt like the soul was being sucked out of you. Suddenly, the same sensations that were so mind numbingly pleasurable now felt like were making you dizzier and dizzier.

“Fuck, fuck! you’re so sweet I can’t stop little bird.” Namjoon’s growling out his words as he pushes your trembling legs off his shoulder and wrapping them around his waist. You’re so far gone that your head is lolled to the side, arms just trying to hold on to him as his hips continue to slam in to yours – the wet sounds accompanying each move incredibly erogenous.

“I can’t a-any m-more. Oh god…” His hand has slipped back down, swiping against your clit which reignites the pleasure a little more for you until you’re moaning like a vixen again.

Swiftly, Namjoon has risen from his position above you, leaning back with your legs still locked behind his back until he has you in his lap – his hands wrapping around your hips to gain leverage as he pushes his hips up in to your pussy in this new position.

The new angle is enough to have your eyes tearing up because somehow – the sex feels even more good than before. You’re losing sight of what is happening and the only thing you can focus on is the burning needs rising in your center again even if you felt like they were on fire. Tears have started to escape, your tongue loose as you shout out Namjoon’s name again and again. The was something happening and you couldn’t understand what. Not in the state that you were in. Past your hazy eyes, you could see that Namjoon looked…. Different. You weren’t sure how but you felt it. You felt the shift in the air now that he was ravaging your body unlike anyone else. You thought you wouldn’t be able to handle more but somehow, you were still clinging on to him as he repeatedly drove in to you. Now bouncing you on his lap to milk out his pleasure.

He was starting to glow. Radiating such energy you thought you were seeing an angel. Your body was getting more and more tranquil and pliant – letting him whisper all the sweet dirty things in your ear while he brought you to your peak again. This time – him joining you too. And doing the completely unexpected.

“I’m going to cum y/n. I’m going to fill you up with everything that I have so you will remember me forever.” His grin is not fear invoking anymore. It seems like he is content – unlike how he’d been at first. Purposeful. Almost vengeful as he coaxed you in to his arms. You were losing your senses as the time went – only able to recognise the stabbing pleasure at your core that Namjoon was stuffing in you to the brim. He looked scenic. Like a Greek god with the sweat shining on his body and muscles bulging and the urge to kiss him again rose with an agonising need.

“Please,” you pant with every push of his hips up in to yours. “Kiss me N-Namjoon. Kiss me. Please.” You’re pleading as your walls clench around his hard length and for the first time – his eyes soften enough for you to actually think he might be concerned. For what, you didn’t know.

“I don’t want to… hurt you.” His brow creases as he stares up at your dishevelled state, with the kindest eyes you’d seen on him since you step foot in to the room. But there was no reasoning with you as drunk on pheromones as you were. Clawing at his chest to pull him closer. And for once – Namjoon gives in and seals your lips in a searing kiss.

In a matter of seconds, he’s growling in the kiss as he cum with such stagnant force. You follow suit – body trembling as you feel the spurts of his cum splash inside your overheated pussy – dribbling out like saliva. But nothing compares to the feeling of his lips on yours. You don’t care that with each passing second you’re losing conscious – body suddenly growing weaker and weaker. More fatigue kicking in despite Namjoon doing all the work. You felt like you were in a dream – floating through the air feeling light as a feather. Namjoon’s lips were like having a glass of the richest red wine. You wanted even more as you clung on to his frame – pushing your tongue against his to drink him in.

“You’re like the sweetest fruit little bird. I will miss you.” You can hear Namjoon’s voice but somehow you can’t place where it’s coming from. Your eyes are falling shut and your limbs have lost all control as you lay your head on his shoulder – too spent to even bat an eyelash.

No one told you you’d be this tired after sex or was it just a thing with Namjoon? Whatever it is, you can vaguely feel yourself being put in something familiar. Some surface that feels all too familiar that the next thing you know, is blackness. Not before you hear Namjoon’s last words.

“Thank you little bird. You were a special one.” His voice sounds pained and you want to ask him why. But you can’t seem to open your eyes or even speak. You can tell he’s standing near you because the pull is too strong for you to ignore. Then, with a gentle kiss to your forehead, you hear nothing from him anymore. All you see is blackness.

Namjoon is thankful to be alive as he walks back to his place. Leaving you was harder than he’d thought it’d be but you wouldn’t have the energy to speak let alone walk back to your place after that. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept with someone and he was getting weaker. When you’d arrived on campus – he’d been thrilled. But watching you these past few weeks had made him in to another man. A weaker man. Caring about you was never the plan but he’d come to do that too.

Alas, he had to leave you alone now. He wouldn’t hurt you anymore. He may be a demon – but even he would not act this evil. He could tell you’d remembered him from the dreams. He’d been too greedy. Too selfish that despite Hyuna’s warning about him getting too close to his prey – he’d inserted himself in to your life more than necessary. Maybe a one night stand would have been easier for you to forget if he’d met you for the first time today. But the way you screamed his name, begged him to kiss you… he knew he was in trouble.

Because something told him that you wouldn’t be staying away.

a/n: dont forget to tell me what you thought!!

#bts smut #namjoon smut #bts fanfction #hobiwonder

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cinnamonrollstark · 4 years

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SPOILERS FOR DEFENDING JACOB

SPOILERS

SORT OF?

SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK, AT LEAST

If you don't want potential spoilers please keep scrolling. On the mobile tumblr app I cant add a line, so, here are some weird Wish adds I saw on Facebook:

Alrighty.

So if you haven't read it, the end of Defending Jacob goes as follows: this whole time, Andy has been on the trail for his wife, not for Jacob.

Legally, Jacob is deemed innocent, however, he definitely did kill Ben Rifkin and another girl on vacation. Laurie, upon discovering this, goes on a car ride with Jacob and purposefully runs in to a median, which kills Jacob but spares her only slightly, and from what I remember she can't even come to her own trail because she's on a ventilator or something. VERY DARK.

However, one of the first reviews I read on the show was the Rodger Ebert one. A horrible review, totally trashed the show, although frankly I disagree with every statement he made thus far. But he did say that the ending was drastically different to the book.

Now, I can't see them not including Laurie crashing the car. There's a big chunk about it, and it's honestly what made the book so chilling to me. But something I've noticed in the series is how much it focuses on the other suspects. Of course, there were still other suspects in the book, but not this much time was focused on them. So, I have to wonder:

What if they keep the ending of the book, Laurie murdering Jacob. But instead of Jacob being the killer, he's ACTUALLY innocent, but Laurie kills him thinking he is? I just think, honestly, it would be SO DARK but hella chilling if it went that way. Anyways, we'll see.

Also, I better not see hate comments like "THIS BITCH SPOILED DEFENDING JACOB" honey I gave you SO MUCH WARNING LOL

Also if you haven't read the book, do. Its amazing.

#defending jacob #andy barber #jacob barber #laurie barber #books #apple tv #crime thriller #chris evans #apple plus #spoilers #potential spoilers #defending jacob spoilers

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shawnies-rihno-blog · 5 years

Text

Ready For Me

A/n= Its mostly based on Ready for me by Alessia Cara. I hope you enjoy reading this. Thank you so much for reading!

WC: 2.3k

Where y/n and Shawn have feelings for eachother, but y/n can’t help but feel ignored by Shawn, so she tells him to come back for her, when he’s ready.

Warning; Brief mention of Camila + Angsty + also sum cussing

-----

It was about 2:45am, and everyone had left Shawn’s apartment. Now Shawn and I were cuddling in his bed, looking out his big window, seeing the city of Toronto alive as ever. As I look at the CN tower changing colours, I think about how I should not be here, that i should leave, because in the end I always end up hurt. Not him.

“It’s gorgeous isn’t it,” Shawn comments, as he intertwined our fingers together under the blanket.

“Ya. Kinda weird how the city looks so alive even though it's way past midnight,” I replied quietly, not wanting to ruin this peaceful vibe.

You should Leave. Leave. Leave. Dumbass Leave.

“It’s not more gorgeous than you though.”

I smile. You’re falling for him. Why are you being stupid. Leave right now.

I know I should listen to the voice in my head, but he’s so addicting, more addictive than nicotine. He is like a cigarette though, he’s bad for me but I can't have enough of him. And whenever he calls i cave in, even though the last time was supposed to be the last time I saw him.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” he says, after awhile.

“Yea,” I say knowing he doesn’t mean it.

“You know that, y/n,”

I hum in response. Shawn was leaving Toronto tomorrow to start his North American Leg of the tour. Shawn and I weren't just friends, because friends don’t do what we do, but what we have, it's not a relationship. It isn't friendship with benefits either, because that’s just sexual attraction towards each other and this relationship isn’t based on sex. Honestly, it’s complicated like a Facebook status.

Whenever Shawn’s back in Toronto, he calls me saying he misses me, and that we should have breakfast together. He calls me over so I can sleep over at his place because he likes me very deeply. And then he leaves, whether it’s for tour, promo, or L.A. He forgets to call me and ask me if i'm okay, or even text, as if I never existed in his life. Then he’s seen with a girl, and i every single time I pretend that I couldn't care less.

He keeps saying it’s for “PR” and to help him with his new release, everytime he comes back to Toronto. But then I overhear him talking about how good she was in bed with his friends and I can't help but feel a little heartbroken. But I shouldn’t right, because we are not dating.

“You gonna stay the night here?” Shawn questions.

“Probably not,” I reply.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” he asks suggestively, starting to lightly peck the crook of my neck.

“Shawn, you should go to sleep you have to wake up on time for you’re flight,”

“But I'd rather spend that time with you,” he says. And I look up to him seeing sincerity in his eyes. These are the moments that mess with my head, telling me what we have is real and that i'm actually important to Shawn.

“Please, y/n,” he says again. “C’mon it’s my last night, and i wanna spend it with you,” he continues.

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “ But all we are going to do is sleep, cus I have an early class tomorrow and you have to catch a flight,” I added.

“As long as I'm with you baby, nothing else matters,” he adds lovingly. So much for being just friends.

----

I wake up to sunlight shining brightly in my eyes. Then i feel little pecks on my face. On my forehead, both cheeks, my nose and lastly my lips. I instantly smiled, knowing who is kissing me.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Shawn says raspily, with a wide smile on his face.

“Morning, what time is it.”

“7:15.”

“Oh okay, i have to leave in like 20,”

“Why don’t you go freshen up, and i’ll make you breakfast?” Shawn suggests.

“Watch you burn down the whole kitchen,” I add cockily.

“I’m an amazing cook! And i don’t burn stuff,” he replies defensively.

“Mhmm. I'm gonna pretend to believe that.”

I get out of his bed and head to the bathroom freshening up. When I’m done I head to the kitchen, meeting a shirtless Shawn who is wearing only his pajama pants. It wouldn’t be horrible to be stuck with this view for the rest of my life.

He turns around, clearly amused by my staring, “like what you see?” he questions as he moves the pancake from the pan to the plate.

“Shut up, it’s not good to be self obsessed,”

“But if you look as good as me, its okay right?!”

He presents the plate of pancakes with maple syrup on top. When I'm done taking my first bite, Shawn says “Ya i know they taste good, no need to tell me.”

“Actually I was gonna say, that they are really bad,”

“Heyyyy!”

“I’m kidding, they are really good,”

“Ya i know,” He replied cockily.

After finishing my breakfast, while chatting with Shawn, I tell him I have to go, or i will miss my class. I head to the door, Shawn grabs me, pulling me into him. Pecking my forehead and then kissing me with passion.

“Don’t leave, please.”

“You know I have too, Shawn.”

“Ya…” he replies sadly.

I can’t help walking out the door a little disappointed. Maybe i should've stayed, it’s just one class right? I push those thoughts out of my head and head to my apartment to grab my books. I hear my phone go off as I walk out of my apartment heading to my university.

Shawn: I miss you!

I swear this boy. He’s going to make me go crazy. I reply with a quick “i just saw you, you can’t possibly miss me,” and head to class, clearing my head.

---

It’s been 3 weeks since our last conversation. I shouldn’t be surprised but I always am. The last time we talked was when I texted him congratulating him on Senorita and he replied with a simple ‘thank you’. I asked him how tour was going, but he just replied with a great, not putting much effort in the conversation, so I didn't either.

One day as I'm scrolling across Instagram, i see a post of E!News, talking about Shawn seen mingling with a girl. I didn’t care much until i found out who the girl was. Camila Cabello. She was the girl Shawn filmed Senorita with. I really thought Senorita was just a music video, because Shawn always said they were just friends, so I didn't pay much attention. But after seeing those pictures i couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.

Last time we saw eachother, I really thought we could be something, and that i wouldn’t end up hurt. But I'm always wrong aren’t I. It’s my fault for being involved with a guy like Shawn anyways. Why would he settle with me, a girl who doesn’t even have her life together yet.

The worst part is, none of Shawn and I’s friends know about our ‘relationship’ because as Shawn said “our relationship is gonna get leaked, and Andrew is not gonna be a big fan of that,” so I can’t go to them asking for comfort. I don’t know if i was hurt about the fact that Shawn did what he does again, or that I was stupid enough to think that he would settle with me.

Days pass and more videos and pictures of them surface online, one of the videos bothering me particularly. Shawn didn’t bother contacting me, so I didn't either.

---

As summer came by, my friends from university and I decided to camp up north of Toronto. While camping i made a lot of new friends, one particularly cute one, named Jackson. We got really close, and later I found out we were both studying the same field. By the end of the trip he asked me for my number, which I gave happily.

When I got back home from the trip, the first thing I did was open Instagram and post pictures from the trip, since there was no internet in the woods. I also started hanging out with Jackson, he made me happy, but I couldn't help but think I was cheating on Shawn.

Jackson and I end up going on a couple of dates, both enjoying each other's company. One night, after I get back from a party, Shawn calls me. I’m a little confused and surprised by not knowing the reason behind his call. I answer his call, not knowing what to do.

“Heyy! y/n, i came to Toronto for like 2 days. I was hoping we could meet up.”

“Hii... That’s random, lol.”

“Ya i know, i was missing you so i thought to visit Toronto and see you.” Here we go again with his bullshit.

“Oh.” I reply clearly unimpressed.

“Well I’m actually right outside your apartment, wanna open the door for me?” He questions and I can already imagine the big smile on his face.

I end the call and head to open the door. As soon as I opened the door, Shawn grabs me and hugs me tightly, as if he let go, his world would collapse.

“Shawn please stop,” i try pushing him away.

“What?” he questions, hurt flashing on his face for a brief second.

“You can’t just pretend to miss me, when you didn’t even contact me once in the past four months,” I state trying to hide my feelings.

“But i do miss you, you know im really bad with communication, and most of the time I don't even have my phone.” He tries to explain. I can already feel my heart empathizing with him, but I tell myself that I'm not going to fall for his lies this time.

“Shawn, its- uh- i don’t know, but you need to stop with your excuses.”

“But they are not excuses, and you know that. C’mon i thought you were the one person who actually understood me.”

“No! Don’t you dare say that. I try my best to understand you and your bullshit. But I can’t okay!” I say raising my voice, he was starting to piss me off.

“What bullshit? If you are really complaining about me not contacting me, maybe you should’ve!” Shawn replies, raising his voice to match mine.

“I did!”

“Ya once, congratulating me, and I REPLIED. You are the one who left me on seen after that.”

“Shawn, maybe you should leave, we can have this conversation later.” I replied quietly, knowing raising my voice would do nothing.

“Why? Cus’ your boyfriend is coming over?” Shawn scoffs. I’m taken aback by his remark, since when did I have a boyfriend.

“What boyfriend?” I question, truly confused.

“Who are you lying to here?”

“Shawn i don’t have a boyfriend, why are you accusing me of shit.”

“Oh really, so that Johnson guy is just your friend right?” Shawn spits.

“You mean Jackson?”

“You really think I give a crap about his name.”

“We are not dating, but yea we’ve been on dates, but why would that even matter, when you don’t even care about me.” I say, getting more pissed off by the second.

“Wow. I guess I really was wrong about you. I really thought we had something, but you throw that right out the window as soon as someone makes a move on you? Honestly I can't even say that, maybe you made a move-” I cut him off, because he’s being ridiculous.

“Oh don’t you even dare go there. You cannot say this shit to me, you’re the one who threw us out the window the second you decided to kiss that girl. Do you even realise what you're doing.” I say raising my voice again.

“I told you it’s PR! What part of that do you not understand?!” He replied angrily.

“Oh I thought, only hand holding was for PR, i guess you finally got an upgrade and started sucking girl’s face publicly.” I say clearly pissed.

“Why do you have a problem with my career! You know this is apart of my life. Why can’t you understand that.”

“Cus’ clearly i’m not apart of your life,” I say, tears forming in my eyes.

“Y/n, you’re the biggest part of my life,” Shawn says quietly.

“Right, that's why we can’t walk down a street, or that's why our friends can’t find out about us, because you're too scared or probably too ashamed to be with me.” I say, tears threatening to spill.

“I'm not ashamed to be with you. There is nothing to be ashamed off. There is just so much going on in my life, and I don't want to pressure you with my life. And I still have a lot of things to figure out.” Shawn’s face is flushed now, probably by all the yelling.

“Right and you think pushing me away is totally helping me?” I question.

“Y/n-”

“No just stop okay! You clearly have too much going on, and you keep saying everything is PR when i don’t even know if it really is. You aren’t ready for me or this relationship-”

“No you can’t just-”

“Shawn just don’t even okay! Figure things out, and come back. And i'm not saying i’m gonna wait for you, cus’ I’m not gonna and i'm not going to promise and then lie, but I'll always be around.” I say wiping tears away, trying my best not to breakdown in front of him.

“Y/n, just please- i’m begging you, just give me a chance,” Shawn begs with tears in his eyes.

“Shawn, please figure things out, do what you have to do until you’re ready for me.” I say, as I can feel my heart physically crack.

The funny thing is, when an addict is over his addiction, he feels happy as if he has accomplished something. But I can't help but feel empty and weak inside, even though I got over my addiction.

I guess yay for me!

---------

oMg. I don’t even know if i like how i wrote it, but i like the idea of this idk!!! But thankyou SOOOOOOOOO much for reading, it means so muchhhhh. I hope there aren’t many errors or gramatical mistakes. I hope u enjoyed reading it, pls leave feedback if u like! X.

Also if you have requests, you can leave them in my inbox!

Thankyou once again!!!!

#shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes masterlist

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? I would add to my wardrobe more than change

How do you/did you get to school? walk, then by bus

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep

Is the idea of having a secret admirer creepy or romantic? creepy

What was the last song you sung out loud? https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

Were you excited to learn to drive, or scared? worried that I’ll waste my money

When was the last time you felt incredibly tired? today

In your opinion, who doesn’t deserve to be famous? many people

Was it hard for you to get up this morning? not really

When was the last time you colored with crayons or colored pencils? few months ago

Do you feel comfortable talking about your disorders, if you have them? depends

Where did you go on your last field trip? not sure which was last

Do you think you make a good first impression? no

Do other people’s first impressions stick with you? might

Have you ever had to give up on someone? sure

Would you rather break up with someone, or them break up with you? them break up with me (not my decision) but usually it’s the other way around

Do you think it’s okay to like a cover more than an original? umm...

Are you calm in emergency situations? depends

Who are you most attached to? my dad

What do you depend on other people for? money mostly :(

What goes through your mind when someone breaks up with you? depends

Do you match your shoes with your outfit? sometimes, it’s not that I have enough shoes to do that lol

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? female

What was the last thing you bragged about? not sure what was last

What’s the ugliest thing on your wall? umm...

Who’s your favorite philosopher? Schopenhauer because of all the memes

Do you think Freud was out of his mind? well I prefer Jung

Einstein? he was cool

Who’s your favorite painter/artist? I like many

What day is it? Friday

Are you wearing anything blue? nah

Do you know anyone named Graham? just bread :P

Are you sitting next to anyone? not currently

Do you dislike the last person you Facebook messaged? nope

Who’s the quietest of all your friends? K. always was

Are you home alone right now? If so, where are the people you live with? my mom’s home, my dad is at work

Are you a chocoholic? noooo

Is there a song that reminds you of the person you love/like? Do you listen to that song often? one of them is t.a.t.u. - All the things she said

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? sometimes

In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? not sure

While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? second

How many people do you depend on? not many

How many people do you think depend on you? they could live without me

What is the worst color combination? brown and black?

Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? yeah

What’s so scary about clowns, anyway? nothing to me and it’s annoying that they’re part of so many horrors

When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? sigh...

How many hats do you own/wear? shitload

Do you ever receive comments on your weight? ppl are jealous of my weight so basically my illness :(

Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? of course

What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? not sure what was last

Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? my gf only

Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? yup

Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I always win What about hangman? I played it couple of times Are you dangerously in love with someone? woah

Are you cute or sexy? cute Is English your 1st language? it’s not Did you ever perform in front of your entire school? elementary - more than once Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? one time she told me that school was flooded and there were fish and frogs and then I said that to my mom and she called me a liar and got mad even tho I explained to her it was my sister’s idea :( Are you single and proud? you can be single and proud as well as be happy in a relationship too, I am in one now Are you more happy when you’re with people or alone? 90% of time alone What do you think about guys shaving their legs? that’s their life Do you wear lipstick? nah Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. I don’t wanna talk about it

What music album would be used for a movie about your life? soundtrack to my life would have to be a mix of songs from different bands/vocalists

Who was your first crush and what made them special? she was just adorable with her clumsiness and her perfect body and that face and voice and she was just a pretty cool friend to me and I wanted to take care of her so badly, she was the very first girl I ever had a crush on irl if not in general but she was hetero and she changed a lot (not in a good way in my opinion) Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? I... I never imagined my first kiss before it happened?...

Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? blergh

Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. there’s no such thing, it’s all about the person If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? absolutely, my health issues Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? I’ve found shitload of stuff but one thing was the most odd and that’s a taxidermy ferret shawl someone left on a bus stop - at first we thought with dad it must be alive but we came closer and realized someone lost their piece of cloth and we took it Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. almost a month, I was in hospital Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. - Have you ever seen a ghost? it seems, it was not just white but a little bluish, no legs and weird face - shaped like in a clay, mostly transparent, slightly glowing, it was in open doors of my room, I woke up with a weird feeling that someone’s watching me and I got really scared so I hidden under a blanket and didn’t look there again until morning, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a shirt that was hanged in the hall but mom said there wasn’t anything like that there at night, now I wish I could see that again hoping I would try to do something more brave about it, I kinda worry I was rude towards them whoever it was

*btw my grandma said that after death some chemicals leave the body and fly like a fog through the cemetery if casket and grave aren’t blocking it too much Describe your note-taking style and habits. everywhere and usually not in line, can be even upside down, just random, different size, clue words etc. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? suffering to deserve heaven? Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real What are all your thoughts on god? overthinking... What did you learn today? for example - that explaining things to people make me realize more than just thinking about something What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? ask them Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? poor tree :( In what ways have you traveled? car, bus, train, bike, even a little bit by ship What historical events happened the year you were born? nothing interesting

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? sure

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public? nothing If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible? no longer than 11 am What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? pajama because it’s past midnight and I should be asleep but I have to finally finish this survey then dry my hair and drink some water first Are either one of your parents retired? my mom is and my dad will be soon Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free? watch online, I have no money for buying movies that I’ll watch less than 3 times Does everyone in your household own their own computer? nope

Are you a good gift giver? I try my best and been told that I am despite not being rich

Do you know what XOXO stands for? hugs and kisses

What’s the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? me

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? first ones

Do you like your significate others siblings? I don’t know her brother

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? omg I loved those and I wish I got one :(

Do you remember who your kindergarten/pre-school teacher was? I liked her so much I’ve been sending her cards on holidays years after

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? never

Do you own anything made of lace? hmm...

How many people do you share a name with? I don’t know anyone with my name

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? if it’s not an apartment then of course it does, highest possible and thick as I don’t want to see or be seen by my neighbors

Do you own any yellow shoes? yep

Can you type fast? very

In school were you bullied? I was

Are you sarcastic? yeah

Do you read the newspaper? nah

If you died today where do you think you’d go? hell :(

Have you ever been to therapy? few times, didn’t help

Do you use online dating? did

Did you miss alot of school? I was sick often

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? not sure what was last

What was the last thing you ordered online? shirt, I’m waiting for the package now

Have you ever been kicked out of a store? no :o

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today? hmm...

What is/was your favorite teen magazine? trzynastka or however this shit was called

Would other people describe you as creative? I guess

What color are your slippers? grey and white

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done? constantly

Did you like high school or college better? didn’t go to college

Who was your favorite Olsen twin? I didn’t have a favorite

Do you ever listen to Celtic music? used to, with John

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people? had classmates like this and neighbors too

Do you enjoy mornings? rarely, not really

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like? thought

Did you know that the zodiac signs (the regular ones) are Greek? ok

Have you ever learned about Greek mythology in school? didn’t like it

Do you stay up late? as you can see

what do you hear right now? nothing

what is one thing in your life you feel truly guilty for? personal

have you ever been slapped in the face? I’ve been slapped without any reason, I was bullied

how about punched? hit with a ball only and my head was hit with a bottle too once

have you ever come up with a memorable quote yourself? I’ve been quoted

what do you think about masturbation? personal

What color did you first ever dye your hair?: either red or black

What’s the color of the bath towel you use most often?: green

Ever eaten a piece of dog or cat food out of curiosity?: ewww, nooo

Can you name one song by Prince?: Purple rain for example

Would you rather paint or make pottery?: paint

Are you currently taking this survey before or after 9pm?: after, I started over 5 hours ago...

Is the sun shining bright outside right now?: it’s the middle of the night!

Would you rather watch a horror movie or a romantic comedy?: romantic comedy ^^”

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dvp95 · 4 years

Text

quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak

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suckitsurveys · 4 years

Text

Ready to answer 151 Questions? No.

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? Last week. I am extremely grateful to have access to a pool this summer. It’s at my sister’s mother in law’s. She lets my sister and her daughters use it while she’s at work and I tag along too. 2. Do you like to party? I love throwing parties. Not like, huge drunk ragers, but bday parties are my specialty. 3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? I’ve been social distancing myself from them for almost 10 years, so. 4. Are you a virgin? Nope. 5. What are your parents views on your relationships? My dad likes Mark.

6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years, would you marry them? I am married to my crush. 7. Is your best friend dating anyone? One is. 8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing? It’s an olive green shirt with the Route 66 logo on it. 9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? I really don’t care. 10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? I do that 99.99% of the time. 11. What is one feature that you don’t like? On myself? My stomach. 12. Would people describe you as happy? Not currently. 13. Are you single? Nope. 14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? Nah. 15. Do you have Tumblr? I really only use it for this, which I also haven’t done in a while either.

16. What about Xanga? Aww, RIP Xanga. 17. Have you ever babysat before? Yes. 18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate? Most of my college professors. 19. Ever shopped at Sephora? I think I’ve been in one before? 20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away, what would you do? I mean, I’d be pretty shocked and hurt. 21. Do you have any university plans? Lol. 22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? Support her? 23. What are your views on sex? Be safe! Always get consent! 24. Do sexual questions bother you? No. 25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? Uh, what? 26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? Yeah. 27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Yeah, I don’t see too much of it anymore. 28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? Yes. 29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? I did that once oops. 30. What’s the last book you read? I’m still working on a couple. 31. Ready for 10 simple questions? Sure. 32. What is your last name? No. 33. What grade are you in? No. 34. What school do you go to? No. 35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? Summer and early fall. 36. Favorite Color? Purples and blues. 37. Are your parents together? My father is widowed. 38. Any siblings? I have an older sister. 39. Favorite subject? Eh.

40. Least favorite subject? Eh. 41. Favorite song? I could never just choose one. 42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy? I don’t care. 43. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 200 something. 44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? Probably. 45. Have you ever googled yourself? Yeah. 46. Have a Formspring? No. 47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? Take them and sell them :P 48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? Waterpark. Ughhhhhhhhh I miss waterparks so much. It’s so weird to not be going this summer. 49. Been to Disney world? Nope. 50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? Sounds like one of those things where people post a random status from a list of things that will likely get people’s attention and whoever comments on it is privately sent said list of thing and they then choose something to post as their status and so on. That was a popular game thing on Facebook years ago. <---Yeah, that. 51. Ever had a boyfriend? Yes.

52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? I doubt Will Arnett knows I’m in love with him. 53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret? No. 54. Ever drank alcohol? Yes. 55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? Yeah. 56. Ever watched The Hills? No. 57. What about Jersey Shore? Yes. 58. Ever called someone a slut? I’ve said that jokingly to friends. 59. What do you think of short shorts? You do you. 60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? Nope. 61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? Yes. 62. What about a B? Yes. 63. And a C? Yes. 64. How about a D? Yeah. 65. Ever skived? What’s that? 66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? I’d say somewhere in the middle. I had friends, but I wasn’t “popular” by any means. 67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? Most are older. 68. Ever been stabbed in the back by a close friend? Yes. 69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? Oops. 70. Ever watched porn? Yes. 71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month? I drove with out a seat belt (for a few blocks) and jay walked oops. 72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? On work days, yes. 73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? Wednesdays. 74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join? No. 75. Ever performed in a talent show? No. 76. Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. 77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? I’ve always had a special bond with my dad. I love my mom, but we butt heads a lot when I was a teenager. I feel like our bond was getting stronger just before she died and I’m really sad we don’t get to know each other as we got older. 78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nooo. I have zero talent. 79. How many celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, Ezra Koenig 82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Lana Del Rey, Alia Shawkat, Kat Dennings 83. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Ha, no. 84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? No. 85. Do you think spending £20 on Lip Gloss is a waste of money? Idk what that is in US dollars but I don’t usually buy lip gloss, so. 86. Are you opinionated? I can be. 87. Do you have a favorite store? Sure. 88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans? I used to in grade school. 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? I have one pair of “boyfriend” jeans that I don’t really like. 90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week? Hello, pandemic? 91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school? I don’t know. 92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? Yeah. 93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? I don’t care? 94. Own a pair of converse? Yes. 95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? There was. 96. If yes, are you one of them? Never. 97. Do you text in class? I have. 98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? Target. 99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Fuck that shit. “Plus” implies that there is a standard size. 100. Do you want to lose weight? I’d like to be healthier. 101. Ever seen a therapist? No, but I should. 102. Ever watched porn? You asked me this. 103. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yes. 104. A facebook message? Yes. 105. A poke? I always ignored those. That was a dumb feature Facebook had. 106. A friend request? Yeah. I don’t accept a request from anyone I don’t know, but I have it set up where you can’t add me unless you are friends with someone I am friends with. 107. Would you say you read into things too much? Yepppp. 108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? I don’t know. 109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?) Eh. 110. Ever been called a bully? No. 111. Ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes. 112. Ever gone to church? I went to a Lutheran high school and we used to have “chapel” every first full school day of the week (usually mondays). That was kind of a church service. And one time I spent the night at a friends house on a Saturday and was blindsided the next morning when her parents were like “okay time for church!” 113. Would you call either of your parents screw ups? Absolutely not! 114. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? Yes and no. 115. What do you want to do with your life? Lol.

116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? My roots right now are basically a really dirty blonde. And my tips were black but they are pretty brown right now. And hair inbetween is mint green lol. Pandemic hair ftw. 117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? I’ll probably be Princess Carolyn again. Or just a bat, since I have both of those costumes. 118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? With my nieces, but we probably won’t be able to go this year :( 119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? Celebrities. 120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus? Yes. 121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people? I have. 122. Ever had a credit card denied? Yeah. 123. What’s the last movie you watched? Oh god, it’s been a while. I Love You Man, I think? 124. Last TV Show? Property Brothers, lol. 125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? They wouldn’t. 126. Ever been called a whore? Jokingly. 127. Are you american? Yes. 128. Ever made yourself throw up? Yeah. 129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend? Uh huh. 130. Are you Cute or Gross? Yes. 131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”? No one has said that to me in a very long time. I don’t recall being bothered by it, though. 132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like? Um, yes? Why couldn’t I? 133. Ever had the lead in a play? Not the lead, no. 134. What about a solo in a concert? Nope. 135. What kind of a student are you? I did okay in grade and high school. 136. Worst subject? All of college. 137. Best subject? Not college. 138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? Yeah. 139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Seeing as she’s dead, yeah, a little. 140. How late do you sleep in? On work days I sleep until the absolutely last minute, right before we are supposed to check in for a daily meeting at 7:10am, lol. And on weekends or days off I normally don’t sleep past 10. 141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? A little. I brighten up my face and smooth it out. Sue me. 142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? All my friends are beautiful in their own ways. 143. Do you believe in love? Yes. 144. Would you consider yourself a good student? Didn’t you ask this? 145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?” It just seems kinda pointless cause they likely won’t see it. 146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy? Yes. 147. Are you going into High School this year? Nooooo. Thank goodness. I did my time and graduated over 10 years ago. 148. What about Junior High? Omg, no. I’m old. 149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry? Ugh, anything. 150. Where did you find this note? @lovemesomesurveys 151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone? None.

#surveys #quarantine

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