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#wow classic worth playing
mcdolann · 2 years
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stayed up late for the first time in ages to play wow classic and i’ve had a great time
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grigori77 · 1 year
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Reasons to LOVE Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves
It's brand new in cinemas, so there are still plenty who ain't seen it, so if you're among 'em best skip this and just GO SEE IT, it's SO well worth it, genuinely it's one of the best new movies I've seen so far this year. Hope you love it as much as I did!
So, yeah, there you go - SPOILER WARNING, FOLKS!!! If you don't wanna get spoiled, RUN!!!
Still here? Okay, here we go then ...
This really is, UNAPOLOGETICALLY, a comedy. I mean yeah, this is a classic fantasy action adventure in the Willow, Krull or Ladyhawke mold, but it is also very enthusiastically POKING FUN at the classic conventions of the genre ... albeit CLEARLY done with great affection and love for the material, as only the best lampoons can be. So this is more The Princess Bride or Galaxy Quest than Your Highness or Spaceballs ...
Chris Pine is ALWAYS at his best when he's being FUNNY, so he is PERFECT here. Edgin is most definitely a bit of a douchebag, but he's the sweetest, most lovable douchebag you'll ever encounter.
Holga. Literally just EVERYTHING about Holga. She's my favourite character in this, this REALLY IS the best role that Michelle Rodriguez has EVER HAD, if you ask me. She's a total badass, a truly AMAZING FIGHTER, but I love that despite her dour demeanour she's actually quite sweet, gentle and really a great innocent in many ways. She's an absolute cinammon roll and must be protected at all costs.
OH MY GODS!!! All the easter eggs, SO MANY easter eggs ... FAR too many to count throughout, all the references and nods and winks to the game itself, all the spells and races and creatures and stuff ... but I love how the movie NEVER beats you over the head pointing any of it out, it just lets you enjoy it. So the proper fans will get a huge kick out of spotting it all, but casual viewers will just enjoy it as rich worldbuilding colour and flavour.
Seriously though, it's a D&D fan's DREAM!!! Not just the mimic, or the owlbear, or the gelatinous cube! SO MUCH to spot ...
Justice Smith's Simon gets THE CLEVEREST and best introduction in the film, I love the theatre scene, he's SO BAD at this while also simulataneously being really great. Totally sums up this gloriously clunky hot mess of a sorcerer ...
the opening is GENIUS, totally sets the movie up as it means to go on - the parole hearing is a brilliant comedic take on the scene-setting infodump which is brilliantly carried through in the way the movie delivers exposition in a fun way or just lets you absorb it through what's happening in each scene. This is the perfect, TEXTBOOK way to do it.
"That is one pudgy dragon!" LOL
Doric. Just EVERYTHING about Doric. Sophia Lillis' tiefling druid is a wonderful diminutive little action hero, so fiesty and capable. I love her. It's just a shame she's not primary coloured, I'd have loved it even more if she'd been blue, or red ...
The Wildshape Escape! XD Yeah, I love that, that's THE BEST set-piece in the whole movie, definitely, when Doric gets cught out spying and has to shapeshift on the fly to get away, and it all plays out in one immersive single shot that just leaves your heart in your mouth ...
Oh, the Speak With The Dead montage, that is comedy GOLD. Funniest scene in the whole movie. And with added payoff at the end! XD
Rege-Jean Page's Xenk Yendar. Oh boy, that paladin is something else. I love how LITERAL he is, he's like Drax in GOTG but much more intelligent. Y'know when Holga says: "You're not a lot of fun, are you?" to him? She's so wrong. I just wish there was more of him in this ...
The heist! Oh, the heist! So good ... the portal trick, it's great, love the way they did that, and then that HILARIOUS bard illusion distraction - Pine skipping the song like a broken record was just chef's kiss!
That wonderful wibbly-wobbly illusory reality thing whenever Simon tries to atune to the Helm ... wow, that is some spectacularly trippy shit. Granted, twice is fine for terms of pacing, but I could've done with a few more scenes of that, it's fascinating.
Hugh Grant really has just become a MASTER at playing smarmy, slimy duplicitous gits now, hasn't he? Forge is a reprehensible prick and I love it.
I love how they made Bradley Cooper a halfling for his cameo. They're never gonna let him live down the fact that he's now probably best known for playing a two-foot-tall talking racoon so forever after he will be a Short King.
Wow, Daisy Head's Sofina is a CRACKING villain, she's just SO CREEPY!!! I love how coolly menacing she is, a brilliant dark necromantic wizard that just makes your skin crawl. Especially at the end ... IS SHE a lich? Is that what they were doing there?
That whole big action climax, the showdown in the city centre is FIRE!!! It's so amazing, so brilliantly dynamic, with EVEN MORE great easter eggs! Simon and Sofina having an insanely awesome "arm wrestling" bout with Mage Hand versus Earthen Grasp (I think that's the spell, couldn't be sure), oh my gods! So cool ... and then the way they neutralised the threat! Brilliant.
Chloe Coleman's Kira is an absolutely adorable delight, and I think she's ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED in how pissed she is at Edgin for abandoning her. It makes the payoff when they finally make up so much better.
And that resurrection scene at the end? Yeah, sure, I saw that coming a mile off, but it was so well done, and they played it so well, that it was still SUCH a powerful scene even so. Just perfect.
Seriously, they just did this whole thing SO PERFECTLY. It's visually STUNNING, really it just looks AMAZING, and the action sequences are BRILLIANT but always feel entirely necessary for the story, which is how you want to do it. Best of all, though, is THE PACING!!! This is such a quick, breezy film, it just barrels along at a spectacular clip, so it never drags. Mark Kermode is right, even though this is two and a quarter hours long it doesn't FEEL LIKE IT, it feels like a super-trim 90-minute movie.
And it ties everything off nice and neat, too. Sure, there are definitely possibilities for the future, going forward if they make more, but if the movie DOES tank then it's fine, because this really does do a great job about feeling self-contained and telling its own complete story, so if we DON'T get more it won't be too big a disappointment ...
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weirdmarioenemies · 7 months
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Name: Mystery Crate
Debut: Yoshi's Story
Wow. A box with a question mark on it, huh? How original and exciting. There had better be some weird freaken thing in here. Grr. I'm mad at this crate! I'm so mad... I could throw an egg at it! Even with the higher egg prices these days! That's how much I hope there is a weird thing in this box!
💥
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Name: Air Bag
Debut: Yoshi's Story
Hooray! A weird freaken thing! Usually, a Mystery Crate will contain a cantaloupe. Yoshis love cantaloupes! It's their favorite! But I never liked it much. It's fine, but I feel nothing about it. If you show me a fruit salad containing cantaloupe, I would rather it contained some weird guys. And here they are! My prayers answered!
Yoshi games love to have their bulbous, wobbly creatures that take up a large portion of the screen, and Yoshi's Story is arguably the most bulbous game in the series. Air Bag is basically just a balloon with a face, but I love its face. It's just looking at you. At me. At us!
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Looking with its beady eyes. And I mean beady, because they look like plastic beads! Its lips look like they came right from any variety of other Yoshi's Story enemy, because they gave these pouty fishy lips to so many enemies in this game. Would you make them less pouty? Would you kiss them? Would you kiss Air Bag?
Air Bag also has a classic X-shaped bandage on its belly, which is, of course, its weak point. Isn't that so messed up? The poor thing is hurt! And Yoshi is going to kill it by throwing an egg directly at the site of its injury! Let's instead focus on the nice implications. After Air Bag got hurt, someone was nice enough to mend its wounds! Maybe its mother, maybe its lover, maybe a traveling balloon doctor, maybe even its lover who is a traveling balloon doctor as well as the mother of its children. SOMEONE cares about Air Bag very much!
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Yoshi does not care about Air Bag. Yoshi kills Air Bag by taking advantage of its vulnerability, ripping a hole in it, and causing it to rapidly deflate. I hope the spoils were worth it, Yoshi. What do you loot from Air Bag's remains?
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Of course. Of course it's a cantaloupe. Can you believe children play these games? They're going to think it's morally acceptable to pop balloons and eat fruit! This is the one and only problem with the youth of today.
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adriennebarnes · 3 months
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Prison For Life
Paring: Walter Marshall x Latina/Hispanic! Reader
Summary: Walter Marshall is very protective over his girlfriend, Y/N, despite her knowing how to protect herself.
Warning: non translated Spanish porque luego me da flojera, errors in spelling or grammar because I don’t double check, I guess mentions of violence and sexual harassment
A/N: Based off of Olivia Rodrigo’s unreleased song “Prison For Life” which is most definitely my theme song, can’t lie. Sorry I haven’t been writing much
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Y/N has always been an independent woman, she can perfectly take care of herself. However, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want someone to protect her.
Just a boy in a Chevy truck
He’s got money, but not too much
Walter Marshall has been a detective for the Minneapolis police department for over 10 years so he makes a decent amount of money. The day he met Y/N is certainly a day he would never forget. He parked his 2022 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 HD in the parking lot of Brits Pub and walked inside. He sat at the counter and waited for the bartender to turn around. When the bartender did, he was greeted by beautiful (your color) doe eyes and a small smile.
“Hola, guapo, I’m Y/N, what can I get ya to drink?” Y/N asked him.
“What do you recommend, love?” Walter asked. Y/N wanted to blush because of his British accent but she remained professional. It was a British pub after all so she shouldn’t really be surprised whenever a Brit comes in.
“Well, you could never go wrong with a classic Corona or a Dos Equis Lager, but that’s just me. You seem like a Heineken guy though.” Y/N said.
“I’ll take a Heineken then.” Walter said with a smile. Y/N smiled back and been to serve Walter Heineken in a frosted glass.
“Here you go. Would you want food or are you just here for the beer?” Y/N asked.
“Could I get a chicken tikka masala?” Walter asked.
“Sure thing, hun.” Y/N said, winking at him.
Half an hour later, Walter was eating his food, drinking his beer, and watching whatever the pub was playing on TV when he spotted Y/N at a table with 3 men (basically that scene in Man of Steel).
“Come on, Doll, have a drink with me, I’ll make it worth your while.” The guy in the green t shirt said.
“I already said no, I’m working. Even if I wasn’t working, the answer would be no. So unless you’re gonna order something else..” Y/N said, making her way to clear the empty beer bottle when she felt the guy grope her ass. Y/N turn and smack his hand away and the guy grabbed her wrist. “Let go.”
“Who’s gonna make me?” The guys said. Before Y/N had the chance to take her butterfly knife out of her apron pocket, she felt someone stand behind her.
“I will.” The deep British voice said. “You heard her, let her go.”
“Who the fuck are you?” The guy asked in an angry tone.
“I’m detective Marshall, so let her go before I arrest you for sexual misconduct and disorderly conduct.” Walter said and the guy let Y/N go while the other bartender working kicked him out. “You okay, Y/N?” Walter asked.
“Yeah, thank you for that. If you hadn’t done that, I would have stabbed him.” Y/N said,
“I Don’t believe that.” Walter said but Y/N pulled out her butterfly knife. “Oh wow, you really would have stabbed him.” Y/N chuckled at his shocked face.
“When you’re a female bartender or a woman in general, self defense is vital.” Y/N said.
“Could never be too careful. How about I buy you a drink.” Walter said.
“I can’t really drink on the job. But my shift ends in 15 minutes if you want to wait. We could go somewhere else.” Y/N said.
“That sounds perfect.” Walter said.
And he calls me “baby girl”
I run my hands through his curls
Walter and Y/N have been officially dating for 2 weeks. This was the first time Y/N spent the night at Walter’s house. She was sound asleep until Walter’s alarm woke them up. Walter shut off his alarm while Y/N covered her face with the comforter. Walter chuckled and pulled down the covers to see Y/N. He kissed her nose.
“Good morning, baby girl.” Walter said. Y/N felt butterflies every time he called her that. Y/N started to play with his curly hair.
“Good morning, guapo. What time is it?” Y/N asked. Walter checked his phone.
“It’s 6:30, love.” Walter said. Y/N groaned.
“You wake up way too early.” Y/N said. Walter got off the bed and put on his boxers.
“Well I get in at 8, I have to shower and everything. But you can rest up, baby girl, I know I tired you out last night.” Walter said, kissing her one last time. But before he left his room, he heard something that made him turn around.
“Or I can join you in your shower.” Y/N offered, batting her eyelashes. Walter groaned.
“You’re going to be the death of me, baby girl.” Walter said, before leaning down on the bed to capture her lips, making out a little before lifting her off the bed, having her wrap her legs around his waist, and carrying her to the bathroom where they showered.
And my parents think he’s good and he is, rest assured
He’s anything but sweet if someone comes for me
Walter and Y/N have been dating for 3 months now, Y/N was working in the bar when she got a phone call. She told her coworker, Jason, that she was on break and went to the back room to answer the phone.
“Hello?” Y/N said.
“Hola, amor, como has estado?” Her mom said on the other line.
“Hola mami, estoy bien. Ahorita estoy trabajando, te llamo después, si?”
“Espérate mija, te llamo para decir que tu papá y yo estamos en camino para tu apartamento, nos falta dos, está bien para ti?”
“Mami, para que me visitas?”
“Una mamá ya no puede visitar a su hija o que? Solo quiero saber cómo estás, casi no hablamos. Entonces te veo luego amor, bye.” Her mom hung up and Y/N groaned, calling Walter. He picked up after 3 rings.
“Hey, baby girl, are you excited for our date?” Walter asked
“Hey, querido listen, we need to cancel our date.” Y/N said.
“Why? Are you okay?” Walter asked worriedly.
“No Yeah, everything is fine, but my parents are coming over, I just got off the phone with my mom, so now I need to get my apartment ready, so sorry.” Y/N said.
“Don’t worry, darling, it’s fine, I get it. Talk to you later, bye.” Walter said.
2 hours later, Y/N was in her apartment, she prepared penne vodka, got a bottle of Sangiovese out of the liquor cabinet, set up the dinner table, and out on something somewhat presentable before buzzing up her parents. When there was a knock on her door she opened it but was surprised to see Walter standing outside her door with a bouquet of pink peonies.
“Walter, what are you doing here? I told you my parents are coming over.” Y/N said, pulling him into the apartment.
“Yes, I know, love. But I actually wanted to meet your parents if that’s okay.” Walter said, Y/N was shocked that he actually wanted to meet her parents.
“Yeah, sure, that’s fine, up, take another plate out of the cabinet while I put these in water.” Y/N said, kissing his cheek. Y/N got a vase, filled them with water, and checked to see if the stems were cut diagonally before putting them in the vase and setting them on the kitchen counter. Walter set up his place at the dinner table when the doorbell rang and Y/N buzzed her parents up. A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and Y/N opened the door to see her parents.
“Hola, mija, como has estado?” Her dad greeted her first, hugging her while entering the apartment.
“Hola papi, hola mami.” Y/N greeted back.
“Y/N, quien es este hombre tan guapo?” Her mom asked and Y/N blushed out of embarrassment.
“Ah mami, él es..”
“Buenas tardes, señora, soy Walter, el novio de su hija.” Walter held out his hand for her mom to shake. All three Latinos shocked at the fact that the handsome gringo can speak Spanish practically perfectly.
“How?” Y/N asked.
“Well i am from England, I learned Spanish in school but ever since I got a gorgeous Latina/Hispanic (whichever you prefer to be called, honestly) girlfriend, I’ve been practicing more.” Walter said.
“I love that. Bueno, ya está la comida, así que les sirvo la pasta y quizás un poquito de vino, si?” Y/N said.
Dinner went quite well and Y/N walked her parents to the lobby to say goodbye properly.
“Es un buen muchacho, Y/N. Se nota que te quiere mucho. Nos vemos luego.” Her mom said as they both left. Y/N got upstairs and saw Walter washing the dishes.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Y/N said.
“I crashed your dinner with your parents, it’s the least I could do.” Walter said.
“Thanks. So you’ve been practicing your Spanish ever since we’ve started dating?” Y/N asked him.
“Pues claro, así puedo decirte que te amo.” Walter said as he took Y/N hands in his. “I love you, Y/N, I really do. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to meet your parents today too.”
“Yo también te amo, Walter.” Y/N said. They kissed.
A week later, Walter and Y/N went to a bar so she could meet his friends/coworkers. Everything was going well until Y/N went to the bar counter to get more drinks for their booth and felt a person grab her ass, what is with people and her ass? She turned around but she already saw Walter pushing the guy away from her.
“What hell is your problem, man?” The guy yelled, clearly drunk.
“My problem is men like you thinking it’s okay to touch my girlfriend, or any woman for that matter, without their consent. I’m a cop so I suggest you leave before I arrest your drunken ass.” Walter threatened and the guy left with a huff. “You okay, baby girl?”
“Yes I am, thanks to you.” Y/N said, the bartender flagged her down for the drinks, she thanked him, and walked to the booth with Walter’s arms around her.
I’m a feminist, obviously, but I wouldn’t really mind him saving me
And I know that I’m fine without a man but I think I would like his protection
I’m just being honest, can’t change what I like, I’ll never forget it, he told me one night
“If anybody hurts you, ha, I’m going to prison for life”
Y/N was at her house, getting ready to go out with Walter, video chatting with her bestie.
“Wait, you’re telling me that you’re in love with this guy? What happened to you being an independent woman and a feminist.” Her friend said.
“I am a feminist, Don’t get me wrong. I still am an independent woman, thank you very much, I pay my bills, but i wouldn’t mind him fighting off any pervs from the fucking bar when I’m working. I’m pretty sure I’d get fired if I actually put my butterfly knife to good use.” Y/N said, doing her makeup
“I mean fair, it’s like you could do it, but you shouldn’t have to.” Her friend said.
“Exactly! Besides, all those romance novels I’ve read made me want like a protective boyfriend, those who say ‘where whatever you want, I can fight’, like a that’s so hot. I think Walter fits that description.” Y/N said, putting the finishing touches of her makeup.
“You certainly got a book boyfriend, I’ll tell you that.” Y/N was going to respond until she got a call from Walter.
“Hey baby girl, I’m downstairs, ready whenever you are.” Walter said.
“I’m coming, bye.” Y/N hung up. “Hey, (friends name), Walter is here, I gotta go.” Y/N said.
“Have fun.” Her friend said and hung up. Y/N got her bag and left the apartment to see Walter standing by his truck with a bouquet of roses in his hand this time.
“Happy 6 months, darling.” W,after said, leaning down to kiss her.
“Happy 6 months. Do I just put these in water and then we can go?” Y/N asked.
“Or you could do that after our date. Come on, I’m positive you’re going to love it.” Walter said. He drove until they made it to a park where there was a picnic table. He got out of the truck to open the door for Y/N and help her out. He went to the back to get out a picnic basket.
“Aw, this is so cute, Walter.” Y/N said, kissing him lightly.
“I’m glad you think so, love, let’s go, our date awaits.” Walter said, leading her to the table, setting everything up.
When they were done, he drove back to her place where she invited him up to have a slice of flan that she has made last night.
“This is delicious, love. You are an amazing cook.” Walter said, kissing her, her lips tasting sweet from the flan.
“Thank you, my mom taught me.” Y/N asked.
“Y/N, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Walter said,
“Go ahead, ask me.” Y/N said,
“Whats that scar on your hip?” Walter asked. Y/N tenses up a bit but answered him anyway.
“It was after work. This was like a year ago, um, this drunk kept hitting on me, I kept saying no, when I was leaving his table, I felt his hand on my inner thigh, the one day I wear a skirt, right, and I slapped him. The manager kicked him out, my shift ended an hour later, as I was walking to my car, I felt him grab me, I was looking for my knife when I felt him cut me on my hip and I stab his hand. He screamed, I got a bunch of napkins that I kept in my purse to press it against my hip and drove to the hospital. It wasn’t that deep but it did need stitches. So yeah, that’s what happened.” Y/N said, eating another spoonful of flan. Walter took Y/N’s free hand in his, bringing it to his lips, kissing it.
“I Don’t know what to say. I wish I would have met you before, to prevent that from happening.” Walter said.
“Whats done is done, don’t dwell on it, guapo, it’s okay.” Y/N said,
“I’ll just say this, I have fought or threatened any person who has touched you or even looked at you the wrong way.” Walter started and Y/N giggled because it was true. “But I am positive that if anybody hurts you, I’m going to prison for life, I’ll always be there to protect you or fight for you.” Walter said, kissing her.
The End
Hope y’all like it! Should I make a part 2 based off the second verse and the bridge?
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belovedblabber · 2 years
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Ok time to make my hopefully coherent adjacent post about the whole ‘John made Alecto look like Barbie’ thing. Also this goes out to @opticor and @2impostors​ for the interest in my semi-coherent thoughts on this topic. 
I’ve seen people reading it as like ‘wow John took the soul of the earth and made her look like Barbie what a typical dude thing to do’ and personally I don’t at all vibe with that reading of it so now I am turning some rambly tags I made into a proper post. 
I’m going to start by posting a crappily highlighted passage, as is my wont:
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I think one aspect of this that people misconstrue is “I wanted to make you the most beautiful body I could think of.” I think a lot of people are taking this as  beautiful=sexy=John is super gross and wanted to make the earth a sexy hot Barbie body. 
However, I very much read this as John, who loved the earth so much, wanting to make a beautiful vessel for the earth’s soul. I don’t think ‘sexy’ is the right way to interpret this one. There’s a big ol’ gulf between that ‘beautiful’ and the way people seem to be reading it as ‘sexy.’ Now is there a lot to unpack and think about in all of this? Yes. Is it ‘John is gross and made Alecto sexy because he’s gross and gave her the classic sexy lady body of Barbie?’ No. 
And also very key here is “Most of what had made me John had gone somewhere else. There were a few little thoughts left...a handful of things that made me me...”
I think it’s really worth keeping in mind here that in this moment John was barely holding onto anything of himself and thus turned to one of the few things he had left to grab at, aka a childhood memory of playing at his grandma’s house. And more specifically of playing with his mom’s old Barbie:
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He was eating the soul of the earth and barely holding onto his own identity and personhood and turned to one of the few scraps of himself that remained. His memory of playing with his mom’s old Barbie as a kid was one of the few things he had left in that moment, and that was what his fragmented mind reached out to and grabbed onto as something beautiful. The way he talks about the Hollywood Hair Barbie is also very deeply not in the realm of like, ‘wow Barbie is so sexy and I wanted to make the earth sexy’ sdfghjk. He talks about her “little gold outfit and her long yellow hair.” He thinks she was “the best,” and “got to have all the adventures.” Sorry but this really doesn’t read as ‘ah yes Barbie, the sexiest of women. A doll I lusted over’ asdfghj. 
In a moment of almost completely losing his personhood and identity, John reached out to that memory and that very childlike love for something he’d found beautiful, and that was what his mind held onto. 
John is also very notably defensive about the fact that this was what he chose for Alecto. He seems to view this as something embarrassing. He’s not bragging about making a sexy body, he’s sort of self-consciously trying to explain why his torn to shreds mind grabbed at that form. 
When he made Alecto he wasn’t thinking in any coherent fashion. His broken mind was grabbing at his most basic, simple memories to find something beautiful. He wanted to give her a vessel that could have pretty yellow hair and have all the adventures. 
Also ngl I really don’t see ‘I loved playing with my mom’s old Barbie and having her go on adventures and I loved her pretty hair and her golden outfit’ as a typical dude thing. 
Like there is certainly a lot to think about vis a vis John’s view of himself as creator, and in how he also compares her to a Christmas tree fairy, a Renaissance angel, Adam and Eve, and Galatea. He evokes all of these when describing her, not just Barbie (and he also calls her “Frankenstein’s monster with long yellow hair.”) I think there is a TON to think over and discuss with all of that. (The relevant passage for those comparisons is on pg. 409 of NtN for the record). But yeah, there is a lot to analyze in the things he evokes in describing his act of creation (for one I find it interesting that  not all of them are ‘female,’ so to speak). There’s a lot to think about in terms of how he gave parts of himself to make her ( “I ripped half of my ribs from my body and made you from dirt, my blood, my vomit, my bone.” (pg. 408), and in him choosing to frame himself as creator, and as creator in a distinctly biblical way (the ribs being an obvious call to this). The reference to Galatea is also its own interesting thing. But anyway, John made her body from himself and oh boy is there a lot there but okay this paragraph is threatening to become too long, so I need to leave this topic for now and come back to it later in its own post sdfghj. 
ANYWAY, all of this is to say that I really think interpreting John’s creation of Alecto’s physical form as a ‘typical dude thing, he wanted to make her sexy and picked Barbie, the most basic ideal of womanhood’ is a reading that really misses the mark. 
Annnnd that’s all from me tonight, time to go to bed.
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frozenwolftemplar · 3 months
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'Tis the season for *fun* conversations
Fandom: Carmen Sandiego (2019)
Rating: G
Word Count: ~1,152
Just a little Christmas fun, inspired by my thinking about the societal constructs Carmen wouldn't have encountered growing up sequestered on VILE Island.
Apologies if this isn't very good, I've been trying to get out of a writer's block rut and this is the end result :/
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“What’s that supposed to mean?”
As one, Zach and Ivy turned from the television set to stare puzzled at Carmen, feet curled under her as she reclined on the hotel suite's armchair, then each other, exchanging baffled looks. The boss didn’t usually watch TV with them, spending post-caper evenings chatting with Player or people watching from hotel balconies or lobbies or nearby concourses; questions were to be expected on the odd occasions she did join them. But for this show?
“What’s what supposed to mean?” Ivy asked, setting down her can of Coke precariously on the arm of the couch.
Carmen gestured at the screen, indicating the kiddie Christmas cartoon that was the night’s main event. Really, she couldn’t see what made it, per Zach and Ivy’s insistence, "a classic" that “they had to watch:” most of the characters were on the mean side, especially the season’s ubiquitous Santa Claus (guy was a jerk to rival Shadowsan; what about him was worth celebrating for a solid month?), the music was tinny and off-key more than it was on, and the story about a deer who couldn’t catch a break was more aggravating than amusing (another seasonal mystery: what was festive about watching someone get bullied?).
But cartoons had been nonexistent on the Island, and watching the little stuffed animals seemingly, on their own accord, move was a diverting novelty. So while it was snowing too hard to avail themselves of what Chicago had to offer and she was gaining firsthand experience of what it was to be ‘snowed in,’ (something Player had found wildly amusing: “You said you wanted to know what living in Canada was like.” “I take it back.” “Too late!”) she’d accepted the siblings’ offer to pass the night with what was apparently an essential component of American Christmas, letting herself be mildly entertained by the childhood magic she’d missed out on in the form of an admittedly cute deer prancing across the screen, singing songs with an aspiring dentist (American Christmas did not make much sense).
Being mildly entertained did not preclude having questions, though.
“Man’s work,” She clarified, repeating Donner’s justification for excluding his nameless wife from searching for their runaway son. “What even is that?”
Neither sibling reached for the remote as the cartoon cut to a commercial break and ads began to blare, the television forgotten as they stared at Carmen like she’d just sprouted antlers to match the puppets on screen. “…Seriously?” Ivy asked, the word tight with disbelief. “You’ve never heard anyone say somethin’ like that? No one, like, ever said you couldn’t do something ‘cause you were a girl?”
“Um…” Carmen furrowed her brows, thinking back over her previous life on the Island. There were plenty of times she was told she couldn’t do something: play with Dr. Bellum's inventions, hike into the jungle by herself, poke around Countess Cleo’s wine cellar, rifle through Countess Cleo’s closet (the countess had been one of the main issuers of ‘don't-do-that’s, right after guess-who (again, jerk)), enroll in the Academy, sit in on Graduation (something she never did see but that still turned her stomach), leave. But the reasons had always boiled down to her being too young, too immature, too unruly; being a girl never had any bearing on the 'why's behind the 'no's.
“Ever?” Incredulous italics slanted through Ivy’s voice as Carmen slowly shook her head. “Wow.” She sat back on the sofa with a huff and crossed her arms over her chest, the Colgate spokesman’s smile taking on a suddenly nervous air at the venom in Ivy's glare. Grabbing her soda, she slammed back the rest of the can, then crushed it with a hand that had the innocent polar bears giving a growling crunch in alarm. “Guess VILE had something going for them after all.”
Confusion deepening (because how could VILE have anything going for them?), Carmen turned to Zach, the bowl of popcorn speckled with M&Ms and marshmallows sitting uncharacteristically forgotten in his lap. “Did I miss something?”
Zach blinked. “Apparently, sexism.”
“Sexism?" Carmen repeated slowly, the word an unfamiliar texture on her tongue. She flicked her gaze down at Ivy’s venomous snort, then bounced back to Zach. "What’s sexism?”
Zach's ears suddenly flamed to match his hair. "Uh..." He turned his attention to the all-consuming task of rummaging through the popcorn bowl for any bits marshmallows that’d survived Carmen’s turn with the bowl (a futile endeavor; she’d been commendably thorough). “You wanna take this one, Ives?”
“No.” Zach yelped as Ivy, face black, snatched her own handful of candy-dotted popcorn and champed it viciously, letting the unfortunate kernels pay for the insults of those idiots back at the track.
“But you have experience!”
“Experience?” (you could have experience at sexism? What, was it some sort of sport?)
“Which I’m *not* interested in rehashing!”
“Hey guys.” The brewing argument was doused by the sudden appearance of Player on the laptop monitor as it flickered to life on the coffee table. A bright lilt of laughing voices filtered through the door of the unfamiliar room he’d set up in, combining with the Santa hat sitting askew atop his head and array of snowmen, smiling elves, and red and green garnitures scattered about the space to give the (mostly) familiar tableau an unusually festive air. “Managed to snag a break from the family get-together festivities, so I thought I’d check in on how the snow day- well, night’s going.“
“Carm has a question for you!”
If Player was taken aback at Zach’s just-this-side-of-desperate interruption, he didn’t show it beyond a brow jumping into the faux-fur brim of the hat, merely turning to Carmen with a willing smile. “Sure thing. Fire away Red.”
“What’s sexism?”
The grin dropped, replaced with an expression that was dead-ringer for the ones Zach and Ivy had worn minutes before (was this a part of sexism?). “Sexism? For real?”
“Yes.”
Silence filtered through as realized that yes, his speakers were functioning properly, meaning that no, he hadn’t heard wrong. “Uh-huh…what are you guys watching again?”
“’Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.’”
Ah (well, now he had something else to add to the list of why he didn't like that cartoon).
“Ooooohhh boy.” Blowing out his cheeks, Player pulled off the hat and ran a hand through his hair, tipping the chair onto its back legs. He didn’t mind explaining things to Carmen, and really enjoyed being her guide to the world beyond VILE (truly; he wouldn’t have it any other way), but some things…well, some things are never fun to explain.
But she’d asked, so he’d do his best to answer. This should be interesting. “Well, you see Red…”
Ten eye-opening minutes later, Carmen was seething hotter than Ivy and on her way to blow off steam in the hotel’s complimentary gym, the cartoon having lost all magic.
Because while the truth of sexism was upsetting in and of itself, the realization that VILE, of all places, was free of the sin, and the mess of raveled feelings that burst from it, was a thousand times worse.
+++
Because at VILE, they believe in equal-opportunity evil, and they have a zero-tolerance policy for sexist comments. 🙃
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! 💙
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justletmeramble1701 · 1 month
Text
Has anyone talked about how each of the three specials represents the three eras if NuWho (as in the three showrunners)?
The Star Beast felt like a classic Russel T Davis era introduction. The doctor disrupts the companion's boring domestic life, introducing them to a new, exciting, and very dangerous life. While, yes, this is the story of most NuWho companions, but Russell's version focused on how boring mundanity is (his companions are thrill seekers, especially Rose and Donna) and the companion's familiar life, which this episode does with the reintroduction of the Noble's.
It also has a "Davis-ex-machina", but all three episodes have that, so I'm not gonna mention it.
Wild Blue Yonder felt like a Moffat idea box (a dark fairy tale/cosmic horror). High concept scares or ideas that force the Doctor to drop his mask and confront truths about himself. I'm specifically thinking of series 6, where The Doctor relearns responsibility by the strange and usually terrifying situations he falls into, dragging his companions along for the ride. In this story, the Doctor is reminded how beaten down they are, setting us up for the conclusion in the finally. It's basically this Doctor's "The God Complex"! While this is how the franchise does character development, it feels uniquely Moffat because of its horror influence (its "Alien" and "The Thing") and the level at which it explains itself (it explains as much as it needs to have a monster with a gimmick, but not too much that they stop being scary - and also in a way that confuses most people).
It also has seemingly innocuous lines that are actually horrifying in context. "My arms are too long..." feels so much like "Are you my mummy," "Don't blink," and "Who turned out the lights," but it lacks the ability to be repeated more than once, so it can't become the quote for the creature. Instead of a singular quote, the episode goes for a series of chilling one-liners ("Oh, we get hungry, don't we..." being a great example).
The Giggle had that late Chibnall charm. Bringing back past elements in highly action-packed finales or specials to attempt to excite or "wow" the audience. While it pulls things out of nowhere to keep the plot going, you don't care because of how much fun you are having! I was specifically thinking about "The Power of the Doctor" while watching it. Half a "Flux" worth of ideas crammed into an episode, but with just enough fun, character, and heart that you allow it to do whatever. Let the episode drive you in whichever direction it needs to go to reach the destination, trusting that it won't get lost or crash. While this is, basically, the concept of the show (remember, we are watching a walking deus ex machina in their magic plot generating box, waiving their magic wand around until it is time for them to solve the problem), it feels like Chibnall because of how compact it is. Like I said, this has enough ideas that it could have been all three specials.
The thing that sets these three specials apart from the last three eras is the power dynamic between the Doctor and their companion. 14 and Donna are equals. While Donna is being reintroduced to the extraordinary, 14 is being reintroduced to the mundane. While Donna is trying to escape from the lovecraftian creature they've encountered, the Doctor is right beside her, scared of what they shouldn't comprehend (the episode even punishing them for their comprehension). While Donna is being toyed with by a dark god, the laws of reality failing her, the Doctor is facing the same, at the wim of an entity that operates by a different set of rules. The Doctor and their companion, their friend, is finally operating on the same playing field as them, which means that, by extension, so are we.
Donna, like all companions, represents the audience, but, in these stories, she specifically represents the fans of the last 20 of Doctor Who. The ones that grew up watching NuWho. We are older now, still as loud and snarky as ever, but we are adults now. Just like Donna, we have lives, responsibilities. We can't experience the world (or the program) the way we once did. Even though the adventures never truly end, it is our turn to join the previous generation (reprented by Mel) watch the next batch of whovians discover this exciting universe for the first time, our Doctor by our side.
This was the best conclusion to NuWho that we could've hoped for!
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nfoodd · 4 months
Note
BOOTING UP//
EXPOSITION //
Uzi: We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACCCEE!!!! Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.
(As she speaks, the planet core collapses and blows up a good majority of Copper 9. Afterwords, a Worker Drone touches a frozen human skeleton, which falls over and shatters.)
Uzi: With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves.
(The Landing Pod crashes to the city.)
Uzi: Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...
(The Disassembly Drones begin to emerge from the pod. One of them throws the head of a dead drone, laughs, and destroys the city with other drones.)
Scene 2
(During a class presentation...)
Uzi: But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses?! Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?! It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident! Anyway, that's why my project is this sick-as-hell Railgun!
(Her classmates panic.)
Riley: Oh, so not the vibe!
Uzi: Easy, morons. It doesn't work... yet! It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work, maybe it does! (Uzi flicks the switch and laughs evilly.)
Teacher: (Rolls his eyes and sighs in disinterest) Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons.
Uzi: Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?
Teacher: ...No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?
(Uzi's railgun turns red and blasts the classroom.)
Scene 3
(After that calamitous demonstration, Uzi winds up in the sick bay.)
Lizzy: Ew, it didn't kill her! Oh my god, it's so bad! (She and her friend leave.)
Uzi: Ugh...
Thad: (Walks in) Classic toxic masculinity, Chad! That's never gonna end up problematic... Oh wow, Uzi? I heard you, uh-
Uzi: I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me! Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you.
Thad: (Chuckles) Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh... Then you might blow the other half of your face off.
Uzi: Crippling daddy issues, hilarious... What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?
Thad: That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass!
Uzi: Oh... Uh, ew. Gross, I hate that you said that.
Thad: So, what's the, uh...
Uzi: (Points railgun) Sick-as-hell railgun?! Sci-Fi nonsense, that super works! I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part.
Thad: Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to, uh... Do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?
Uzi: (Angrily points railgun into his cheek) NO MORE FEEDBACK ON MY REPRESSION TODAY!!
Thad: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think...
Uzi: (Leaves) BITE ME! (Comes back) I'm not mad at you by the way, just generally hormonal! (Leaves again)
Scene 4
(It's now 3 in the morning. Uzi smacks her face to turn the alarm clock off and prepares to sneak out of the house. She grabs her railgun, straightens her hat, and quietly steals her father's door key to swipe and get a door open. Just when she is about to leave, she runs into her dad.)
Uzi: Oh, Robo-Jesus!
Khan: And where might you be off to?
Uzi: Umm... Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have?
Khan: (Laughs) Seriously, though.
Uzi: Okay, okay, you caught me! I need to measure... the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door One. Because that's... the project I'm working on for school? A big old door! Just like what my old man build! (Khan isn't buying this.) I want to join the WDF and hide behind the doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff...
Khan: (Chuckles) Well, we don't just play cards...
(Another door opens up behind Khan revealing his buddies playing cards.)
Braxton: Khan! Can you grab a fresh pack? We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded. Oh, hey Uzi!
Uzi: (Chuckles)
Khan: (Closes door) Well... (Laughs) When you build doors so good- (Goes back to hug the door like a dog owner petting his four-legged friend) Good door, good door... (Turns his attention back to Uzi) There's no need to fight! Uzi, this is great news! Here! The wrench that I used to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes, and to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Drones got to her with that nanite acid... I want you to have it! (He hands Uzi the wrench.)
Uzi: Neat. Therapy's fun!
Khan: (Opens door) Guys! My daughter is into doors!
(The fellow drones start cheering as another door opens, letting in snow and a cold breeze, much to their chagrin.)
Khan: She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door One! Your door-specific destiny awaits!
Uzi: Uhh... Wow, okay! I'm just gonna leave then, cause this worked so weirdly well. Uh, go doors! (The door closes.)
Khan: (Tearing up) They grow up so fast! (He takes off his fake mustache.)
Scene 5
(Uzi ventures out into the arctic wasteland and makes her way to the Corpse House. She comes across a downed Drone pod and forages around for the component she needs when she hears a noise behind her. A winged drone swoops in, takes the head of a drone, and crushes it. They notice Uzi hiding behind some machinery, and the two engage in a fight. Uzi braces her railgun, but the drone lands so hard it gets knocked out of her hands. Uzi jumps back and strikes a pose.)
Uzi: Whoa, and they said pirating all that anime was useless...
(The drone stabs Uzi hand, leaving a hole, and flings her to the side. Uzi quickly grabs her railgun as the drone scans around for her.)
Uzi: Bite me!
(Uzi fires the railgun, destroying the drone's head. The railgun recharges as the drone's body falls to the ground.)
Uzi: Holy hell! Suck on that, Dad!
(Suddenly, the drone's head regenerates. Uzi quickly slaps them with an arm, which does nothing, then their eyes open.)
N: ...Did you just slap me with that arm?
Uzi: Holy crap, it talks.
N: Yeah... Sorry, it's just my, uh, head kind of hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uhh... (Shows Error in his sensors) short, for a Disassembly Drone. I'm Serial Designation N, nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city. That's not true, everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part! Biscuits! (Sighs) Well, honesty is the best policy. (Laughs) I also can't seem to remember the past 3 hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.
Uzi: Uh huh... I, uh, have to, go. (She leaves, but forgets about the painful hole in her damaged hand.)
N: Stuck yourself? Just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. (He holds up a syringe with nanite acid.)
Uzi: And by our saliva, you mean...
Uzi & N: Disassembly Drone?
Uzi: Right. Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there!
N: Sure! I love doing anything!
Scene 6
(N is drinking saliva from Uzi's hand.)
N: Sweet! Uh, I'm open to new things, I guess.
Uzi: We are never talking about this.
N: Talking about what? Consider it, uh... Repressed!
Uzi: ...Uh, you mentioned other members of your squad? Are they coming back soon?
N: Oh, yeah. Two others. They're out hunting for a bit but you'll love them. First, there's V.
(Flashback. V tears a drone's entrails out.)
Grant: No, No! Please don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family!
(N watches V feed Grant his own entrails in front of his family and kill him.)
V: ...And yet, I still feel nothing. (Her crazed eye twitches.)
N: So, V, uh, I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight-
V: Oh God, who are you?! (She leaves.)
N: No worries, I'm N! But a whole letter is a lot to remember! (He laughs nervously.)
(Flashback ends.)
N: So obviously, a lot of mutual respect there. But secretly, I actually kind of have a crush on her... You can't tell her, okay?! (Beat. Motioning, Uzi zips her mouth.) Then there's J, our leader.
(Another flashback. J has N pinned to the ground.)
J: N, you're worthless, and terrible, (N: (Struggling to breathe) Thank you...) and if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself!
(Flashback ends.)
N: J's awesome. Hey, let me give you the tour! Outside are the corpse... wall... thingies. In here are the buttons! (He begins pressing buttons.)
Uzi: This... isn't just a landing pod... This is a spaceship! This could get us off the planet!
N: More of a one-use missile. They never taught us how to land.
Uzi: No, I, uh, uh, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this! Instead of all the murder! ...Which, uh, why are we doing that again...?
N: Other than ingesting their WARM, SWEET oil to avoid overheating and dying? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job and I always want to try my best.
Uzi: And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N. You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead?
N: Oh my, you sure are rebellious! It's kind of exciting. But, not as fun as, uh, following the rules...
(They hear footsteps.)
N: Hey, they're back! You- (Uzi has disappeared.)
J: Idiot, get out here!
Scene 7
(Uzi retreats from the Corpse House.)
V: (Laughs) Yo, we got a worker out there I kind of want to practice balloon animal shapes with. ...What happened here?
J: Synergistic Liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline. (J slaps N.) Moron bot, hello? (She snaps her fingers as N goes through a system reboot.)
Uzi: (On a recording) You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead? (Rewind.) Bite me!
YOU'RE DEAD
[IDIOT]
(The reboot finishes.)
N: Ohhhh... (His scanner indicates Uzi's footprints.) Ohhhh! You know, I-I left an-an extremely dangerous weap- excuse outside...! (He flees as V holds up a flag that says "Literally So Insanely Suspicious". Meanwhile, N goes off in pursuit of Uzi, who is fleeing back to the colony.)
Scene 8
(Meanwhile, during the card game...)
Todd: Haha, I am out, boys.
Drone: Oh, gosh darn it...
Braxton: Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this!
(The door opens, letting in the cold and Uzi, much to their annoyance.)
Uzi: Bite me! Close it, close it!
(Uzi tries to swipe the card to close the door, but N has already stuck his claw in between. He pries the door open slightly.)
N: Hey, fellas. Oh, deal me in, I love rummy. Wait, no, I'm going to murder everyone... Rain check!
(He swings his acidic tail at the door scanner, breaking it and the key. The door opens up, as do other doors. Realizing their lives are on the line, Uzi and the other drones, minus Todd, run off.)
Todd: Um, actually, it's gin rummy. So-
(N impales him against a wall and slices his head off. He begins firing at the rest, shooting Makarov's head off and pouncing the other drone. Meanwhile, Braxton catches up with Uzi.)
Braxton: Hey, Uzi! I just realized no one's said my name out loud before, so I'm just letting you know I'm- (N slices him in two, then flies off in pursuit of Uzi.)
(Uzi recharges her railgun and turns back to fire, but sees that N is gone. Khan appears.)
Khan: Pretty nice hydraulics, huh? (He pauses as he sees all the chaos he missed.) ...What-What have you done?
(Uzi doesn't reply. Before she could explain herself, N swoops in. Uzi prepares for a fight.)
Uzi: This time, I won't miss!
N: (Chuckles) I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.
Uzi: Bite me! (To Khan) Dad, get down!
Khan: Uzi, you Lead a murder drone here?! My beautiful doors!
Uzi: Now is so not the time! I messed up, in the same way I'm about to fix it! Move, dad!
(N pins her to a wall and her railgun falls at Khan's feet.)
Uzi: (Straining) Dad... Point and shoot... Trust me...!
(Khan, trembling with fear, slowly backs off instead of helping his only child.)
Uzi: (Heartbroken) Dad...?
(In an act of cowardice, Khan closes the door, leaving Uzi broken. Not just brokenhearted, but broken to the point where she shuts down. No grief over being left in the lurch by her own father. No attempts to fight back N. Nothing. She just goes limp... The room turns red and alarms blare as N regains his sanity, looking with despair over what he has done. At this moment J and V show up.)
J: Whoa, N! Am I dreaming, or did you do something not useless, for once?
V: I've been trying to get past those doors for months. Nice work, N.
N: ...You... Me... Name... Remember...?
V: These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door. Lowest body count eats a missile! (She flies upwards.)
J: Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this. With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter, for sure. You know what that means... Branded pens! (She holds up a JCJenson brand pen, to N's joy. She tosses it to him and prepares to fly off and catch up with V.)
N: ...Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh, maybe not-so-actually different from us Worker Drones, but, just out of curiosity, do we actually, uh, know what the company plans to do with us afterwards...?
(Uzi begins to wake up.)
J: Excuse me...?
N: Okay, so, a worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix up our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff, which, whoa, hey, that's against the rules! But, it is kind of making me question why our pods were only one way in the first place. Cause, you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like we might be robots. I've made a terrible mistake. It's cool how immediately I could tell.
J: Hmm... No way, buddy. Questioning the company? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed. (J injects N with a virus.) Worker drones are corrupted, N. That's why the company sent us. I hate to see you corrupted as well.
N: (Infected) Thanks, J... Always looking out for me... You're awesome... (He passes out.)
J: Heh. (She flies upward to catch up with V and hunt down more drones.)
(Uzi wakes up and goes to get her railgun.)
N: (Still infected) Ah, biscuits. I'm sorry. I ruined your card game, then made you have an awkward moment with your dad.
Uzi: And I made you rebel like an angsty teen, which got you killed. Though, you also tried to kill me, so morality calls this a draw. (She climbs on top of a box to reach the vent. Predictably, she can't reach due to not having the ability to fly, and for being too short.) Ugh... For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history. Was that supposed to be you switching sides?
N: Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks for showing me the ropes.
Uzi: Nuh-uh, no bonding thing. You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.
N: That's super fair... (Sighs) I screwed up...
Uzi: Ugggh...! In the same way you're about to fix it? (She shows the wrench.)
N: Hahaha! I love doing anything!
Scene 9
(Thad gets flung backwards. Lizzy and Doll rush to help him as J arrives.)
Khan: So... They found our evacuation spot. But, if we build a quick door...
(Thad gets up.)
Thad: Are you kidding me?! You're the WDF, right? Defend! (Khan and his friends back off in more cowardice.) For real?
(V arrives and impales Thad. Just as she's about to kill him...)
Uzi: Hey!
V: Huh?
Uzi: Put that conventionally attractive male down!
(N waves before Uzi nudges him.)
N: Oh! Uh, J, you're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish you weren't. Just some constructive criticism.
Uzi: Nice. (They fist bump.)
J: Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I right-size your existence!
Uzi: (To N) Okay, which one do you want?
N: J, please.
Uzi: Too bad. Good luck.
(Battle commence. Uzi flings her pen at J's hair and runs off, leaving N to deal with V. J manages to knock Uzi down and yanks the pen out of her hair.)
J: Damn the well-made quality assured durability of JCJensen's products! Huh? (Uzi gets back up and kicks J in her face.)
(Meanwhile, N is fighting V. He tries firing from his gatling gun, but hearts shoot out instead.)
N: Ah! My mind's in a weird place! Don't read into this! (A rocket lands near him and explodes.)
(J gets up and knocks Uzi out while N and V are swordfighting. N sees J walk up to Uzi.)
N: UZI! (To V) I'm so, so sorry. Have fun repressing this! (He... licks V's sword. Nasty...)
V: EW! What the hell?! (N kicks her down as J looms over Uzi.)
J: You've got a lot of cuts for a barely sentient toaster. I've had prey fight fact before, but your edgy spirit is just... so... painful...?! (She looks down. Her leg has been stabbed.) GAH! FOURTH! QUARTER! PROFITS! MOTHER OF COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS! (She jams her foot on a piece of rubble and falls over. Uzi points her railgun at her face.)
Uzi: One more buzzword and I'll do it!
J: ...Equity partnersh-
(Uzi pulls the trigger. In the end of it all, J's entire top half has been obliterated. Uzi spits on the corpse (Or what's left of it) to show who's the baddest. As the other drone's come out of hiding to cheer for her, she falls over tiredly. N picks her up onto his shoulders.)
Thad: Holy hell, Uzi, that was insane! And you too, uh...
N: Huh? Oh! N! I'm an angsty rebellious disassembly drone, now.
(They hear someone clearing their throat. It's Khan. Uzi throws her wrench back at his feet.)
Uzi: I brought the murder drones here accidentally. You chose to leave me for dead instead of just freaking believing in me! That's not even an edgy teen hyperbole like when I said it last week! (No response. Uzi, near tears, smacks herself to regain composure.) I'll save you the trouble dad. I banish myself! (Khan tries to speak, but can't find the words.) Let's go, N. Everyone here can bite me! (N grabs V and they begin to leave.)
N: Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi!
Uzi: (Smacks him) Shut it.
(N takes off with Uzi and V. Khan has a sip from his mug in disappointment."#1 DAD" Nothing could be further from the truth...)
Scene 10
(Out in the frozen wilderness, Uzi sitting on top of a broken car, thinking to herself. Meanwhile, N is lodged inside the Corpse House.)
N: I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me. Hope you're having important character growth or something, though!
Uzi: Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on Earth, because we're coming for them...! (She laughs maniacally, her sanity completely vanished, as the zoom out reveals three Drone pods making their way down to Copper 9.)
(Credits roll.)
(The sound of rainfall and thunder pounds outside...)
James: We got to curb her trips to the dump.
(N is shown wearing a suit and holding a platter, like a servant.)
James: And where is she getting the hair to play dress-up with them? Creepy...
(James tosses his glass onto the tray, which N catches without dropping any dishes and walks off. He stops to make a view out of a window as the cacophonous storm continues raging. Continuing his walk, he looks around some more as he collides with V, wearing a maid's outfit. The collision causes N to drop the platter and the dishes fall to the floor.)
N: OH! I'm so sorry!
V: I-It's okay! I wasn't looking.
(Their hands touch and a spark emits. They blush and stare in curiosity as N begins to speak, but is kicked to the side by J.)
J: Move it, moro- (Suddenly turns cutesy and polite) Hi, Tessa! ...Oh, no. Another one?
(A new drone reveals herself from behind Tessa. She makes eye contact with N as everything suddenly goes dark...)
Scene 2
(N wakes up from his rest and falls to the ground.)
Uzi: N, I found something in here!
(Inside the Corpse House, Uzi is inspecting her new finding: a symbol consisting of a skull with a cap and wings. Uzi stares at her reflection in a mirror, which breaks.)
V: That's weird and concerning.
Uzi: Bite me! This is probably you weirdo's fault!
V: I've never seen that symbol before. Wanna do an autopsy to find out?
N: (Appears) What'd you find?
Uzi: Did you know that was a pilot hat?
N: I was the pilot? That's awesome! I crashed and ruined everything... Spaceship Pilot: Origin Story.
(V hisses, then calms herself by blowing bubbles out of a bubble blower.)
N: ...Speaking of piloting to Earth, we sure "murder all humans" is, uh, morality?
Uzi: The humans sent you without a communication relay and reformatted your memories to soup. (No response or rebuttal.) Covering their tracks means their past negotiating. Not like tried negotiating with my mom...
V: Or you missed the negotiations! The humans programmed us to solve a problem. Where's proof of your backstory? The one where your kind's so conveniently innocent? (Chuckles)
(N, not wanting another fight to break out, gently pulls Uzi out of the way.)
N: J was getting orders from someone. If not the company through that relay, then, uh, who? And how?
Uzi: (Pouts) Quit complicating my murder plan. (N tries to comfort her by gently patting her on the head, but Uzi brushes his hand away.)
Scene 3
(Back at Uzi's colony, two drones are staring at the large hole that N made in the roof.)
Tim: Yeah, just fix her up because, whoops, pretty big security risk in hindsight. Uh, you got this, uh, Ladderbot 5000. (His name is Frank.)
Frank: Ugh... Please, just leave the lights- (The lights go off.)
(Frank digs his flashlight out and tries to think of a way to get up there when he hears a clattering sound. He looks around in fear and suspicion when he notices something... fleshy. He goes to investigate, only for a strange spider-like heart device to reveal itself. His flashlight gets shot out of his hand as The Absolute Solver turns the colors of the room yellow and red before finally dispatching him.)
Scene 4
(It's Parent-Teacher Conference Day (AKA "That explains a lot!") at Uzi's school. Khan sits down across from the teacher.)
Teacher: Mr. Doorman, your daughter has been, uh... absent.
Khan: Yes, on that "kill all humans" kick, like when I was younger. Grounded herself and all that.
Teacher: Speaking on her behavior-
Khan: Of course, of course, precocious, popular, supernatural understanding of doors. Takes after her old man.
(Flashback time.)
Teacher: Uzi, please sit normal.
Uzi: Bite me!
(Flashback 2.)
Teacher: Uzi, (Sighs) give Braden back his sentience.
Uzi: (As Braden) Bite me- her! I started it, and also, I'm dumb. (Her head lights ablaze.)
(Flashback 3.)
Teacher: Uzi, you have to partner up.
Uzi: Several people wanted to, for the record.
Lizzy: No, we didn't. You freak us out.
Uzi: (Inside a trashcan) But mostly, bite me!
(End flashback montage.)
Teacher: Yeah, she has trouble fitting in. We think there might be something damaged with her programming. How is she at home?
Khan: Uh... Sorry? I mean, she's a little herself, but damaged? I... maybe haven't spent much time...
Teacher: Mmm, m-hm...
(A worker arrives.)
Worker: Mr. Doorman, sir? There's been an... incident.
Scene 5
(Meanwhile...)
Uzi: Oh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!
N: You good, Uzi?
Uzi: I'm good! Better than good! I am God!
(She pauses to see Thad has shown up.)
Uzi: (Chuckles nervously) Hi, hi, Thad. (He hands her back her railgun.) Thank you.
Thad: Of course, 'Zi! (To N) N&M's. You saved my life. I don't think the colony is even serious about all this banishment stuff, more just confused. Especially with the fact-
Uzi: I'm too rogue to re-enter society now? I can never return...
Thad: ...Recent disappearances, and your murder friend's corpse. When I went to grab your gun, it kind of looked like it... crawled away...?
Uzi: We can return a
Scene 6
(Back at the colony, Tim comes across a hologram of Frank (Or Ladderbot 5000).)
Tim: Oh, Ladderbot 5000? We looked everywhere for you!
(Frank screams in pain, then returns to normal.)
Frank: Hi, Tim. Care to join me?
Tim: Join you standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution?
Frank: ...Yes?
Tim: ...Alright.
(He walks over, not knowing that the Absolute Solver is about to snatch him and drag him up into the ceiling up until it's too late. Tim's hologram joins Frank.)
Tim: Flawless character acting, me.
Frank: Improv game for more practice?
Tim: Hahaha! We are a monster!
Scene 7
(Uzi, N, and Thad head back to the colony. A worker opens a door a little bit to see who arrived.)
Ron: Welcome back, Thad! (Notices Uzi) Uh, wait, isn't she grounded or something?
Uzi: Ugh, banished! Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?
Ron: (Notices N) Genocide Robot?
(N quietly walks up and hands Ron a crayon drawing to show how super very, very sorry he is for all the murders he committed.)
Ron: ...Oh, alright, just don't do it again. Get in here, ya goobs! (He hangs the drawing on the door.)
Scene 8
(The Absolute Solver's handiwork has been turned into a crime scene.)
Worker: Yeah, where's Khan? Because this looks, ahaha, ugh, non-ideal.
Sarah: Parent-Teacher Conference. Something about his daughter being more important than building a door in this hallway. Ugh, kind of cringe.
Worker: Ew. (Gets ready to hurl) Oh, give me a minute... (Holds his vomit in) Ah, yep, okay, almost threw up.
(Uzi is behind them, listening in on their conversation.)
N: You good?
Uzi: I'm good. Stop asking! (She pushes N away and motions for him and Thad to follow her while sneaking past the investigators.)
Sarah: (Turns to two of her colleagues behind her) Any forensic things over there? (No response.) Do we have fingerprints? (They fade away. She turns back to her colleague, who also fades out. Same with Frank and Tim. Her surroundings begin to get the same treatment. She looks up in horror as the Absolute Solver makes it's way towards her...)
Scene 9
(Back at the Parent-Teacher Conference...)
Khan: I mean, you don't think it's my parenting, do you? I left her for dead once! It sounds like she's bored in your class and the other kids suck! Call her "damaged" again, and I will install a DOOR ON YOUR FACE!
(Lizzy and Doll are in the back, listening to the ragefest that is Khan.)
Lizzy: (To Doll) Where are your folks?
(Doll starts having flashbacks.)
Doll: Мёртвые. Я смотрела как они умирали. ("Dead. I watched them die".)
Lizzy: ...That was the joke, idiot?
(They both hear a knocking. They turn to see a hologram of Lizzy outside the door)
Lizzy: That girl is... Gorgeous, right!? I'm gonna let her in. (She gets up to let her copy in.)
Scene 10
(Uzi, N, and Thad are in the room where they fought V and J.)
Uzi: You guys... do that often?
N: Haha, no. I'm very concerned, but also pretty frightened a little bit.
Thad: Hey, Uzi! What's this thing?
(It's an Absolute Solver sign.)
N: Hey, isn't that your special eye?
Uzi: Don't call it that! (She reads.) "Absolute Solver"? "Reboot"? Does this have something to do with how you grew your head back?
N: Hehe. I actively avoid unpacking how that works.
Uzi: New material can't be pulled from thin air. If the wound is severe enough, this "Solver" might be some sort of auto run program to collect more matte-
(N places his hand over her mouth to shush her. They hear something coming towards them... A human hand. It latches itself onto Thad's leg as they look up to see what the hand is attached to. Not able to see much in pitch black, N fires his missile cannon. This still doesn't reveal much, but it does anger it enough to begin pulling Thad up. Suddenly, a shuriken flies in and slices the cable apart, freeing Thad. He looks back to see that N was the one who unleashed the shuriken.)
Uzi: I want a freaking ninja star!
(She and N get thrown against a wall as one of the Solver's claws grabs Thad and leaves.)
N: (Getting up) You good?
Uzi: (Slams him back down) Stop asking! ...Chainsaw hand time?
N: (Braces his chainsaw hands) Yeah, cool, cool.
Scene 11
(Uzi and N give chase. They come across Thad's hologram.)
"Thad": Yes, and hello. It's me, Tad. Um, can I get a location? ...I heard dentist's office! I'm Thad at the dentist office. Come over here for your... teeth!
Uzi: Predictably terrible work, J. Why do you look so-
N: Great! You look great, J!
"Thad": No, no, wait, guys, it's really me! Is that a (His voice glitches and turns robotically feminine.) freaking ninja star?
(N unleashes his shuriken as Uzi kicks it. It flies upwards to bring down the real Thad as the hologram disappears.)
Thad (The Real One): (Pulling himself together) Life savers again. Thanks! Super invited to my shindig next weekend. Cool kids only. (He runs off as Uzi and N squee with delight over being invited to his get-together. Suddenly...)
Absolute Solver: We're busy then anyway, so whatever. So lame.
Uzi: What's with the voice, J?
Absolute Solver: Oh, J's not here. We are trying to repair that host as per our directive.
Uzi: So, you ARE a program?
Absolute Solver: More like you are our cute puppets. It hurts our feelings you don't remember us. (The Solver creates a hologram of Nori, Uzi's mother.)
Uzi: N...? (N has vanished.) What's with the mom hologram...?
Absolute Solver: Easier to assimilate than explain.
Uzi: Not happening.
Absolute Solver: Fair, but poor choice. Now we will have to do something shocking. (The Solver brings down a clone of Khan.)
Uzi: Woah! Hey!
Absolute Solver: Goodbye, Dad. ("Khan" gets ripped in two and the Solver feeds on his corpse.)
Uzi: What...?
(The Solver goes in to kill Uzi, but it gets struck by a missile fired by N.)
Absolute Solver: Pained cry.
N: Uzi shoot! Or give it to me! (He fires again, but the attack is deflected by the Solver.)
Absolute Solver: Claw swipe. (It then begins to move in on the duo.) Snarl.
N: Uzi! You good?!
Uzi: ...No.
(N grabs the railgun...)
Absolute Solver: Pranked, idiot. You big stupid. (The Solves throws Uzi to the side, knocking the railgun out of her hands and smashing it, it grabs her.) Lucky for you, it's snack time. Time to go into my mouth now.
(Before the Solver could feast on Uzi, N, the actual N this time, saws off its appendages. The railgun suddenly turns red as N fights the claws.)
Absolute Solver: Ow. And please don't. And also, I was using those.
(N grabs Uzi and they make their escape as the railgun self-destructs... As they regain themselves, they look back at the mess.)
Uzi: What was...? Which parts of that were real...?
(The Solver reappears and tries to escape.)
Absolute Solver: Sneaky sneaky. Sneaking away. Get snuck upon. (N stabs it.) Ow. (He repeatedly stabs it until it turns into a miniature black hole and floats off. Hearing a commotion heading their way, N tries to help Uzi to her feet, but she resists in fear.)
Uzi: What... are you things...?
(Hurt by her newfound distrust in him, N flees the scene as a search party led by Khan shows up.)
Khan: Uzi? (Uzi silently staggers towards him.) What are you doin- (Uzi, without word, hugs her father, who silently returns the embrace. He gestures for his men to scour the area. Khan looks up and sees N, who makes his escape.)
Scene 12
(Doll is sitting by herself in the classroom, looking at a photo. A robotic cockroach crawls up her arm as she looks back towards the door and remembers what happened earlier when Lizzy saw a copy of herself behind the door.)
Lizzy: Gorgeous, right?! I'm gonna let her in.
(She gets up to let her copy in... Only for Doll to use one of her powers to break the door before Lizzy could reach it.)
Lizzy: Jesus, sorry, industrial strength ghost or whatever. Settle. (She takes her seat as her copy disappears.)
(Back in the present time, the roach crawls onto the photo, only for Doll to will it to explode. She licks some of its remains off her face as we see what's in the photograph she's holding. It appears to be V.)
Scene 13
(Back at the Corpse House, V speaks to N, who is still guilt-ridden over what happened earlier.)
V: (Sighs) I hate your personality normally, but this is somehow worse. What am I being punished for? (V’s expression softens, and she looks down, revealing her chain is broken. She then hides it before looking back at N, and then turning away again with arms crossed.)
(Uzi is in her room, laying down on her bed, and looking up at a web of theories in regards to the Absolute Solver program.)
(Credits roll.)
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razmerry · 1 year
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Drawtectives: Orc Lore... 2!!!!
My first Drawtectives orc lore post that I made 2 years got over 600 notes, and I always intended to compile one for the second season. I just needed to rewatch all of it first! This one includes more general information about the Drawtectives world than the first did, cause it’s really fun. 
Part 1
Episode 1:
- York has become a male model! Good job, king
- Extra world lore: Boogle, Bamerica (where engineers drive the train)
Episode 2:
- Common knowledge in the orc tribes is that the one thing you can’t fight is death - it gets you in the end
- “There’s always time for the east” - a classic Northern tribes quote
- Extra world lore: Pollywood, gredit cards, Zac Giraffe, Belp, Bi-Fi, Halloween is canon!
Episode 3:
- No one has ever reported back after confronting a wild train
- Reconfirmed: the roughly cuboid shape of wild cats, including tigers which have a Garfield-like appearance
- One of the only comics in the Northern tribe was Cashews by Barles Pört, featuring Sneppy 
- Things York can write: eat my butt, wow now thatsa potata, Sneppy
- York doesn’t talk about his #1 and #2 weirdest days: “too weird”
- York is “a very social creature” according to Rose; all he needs are friends and food
Episode 4:
- Confirmed for the third time: York is a math guy
- York is big enough that he has a high drink tolerance
Episode 5:
- The “Ren Faire Las Vegas” is a story in the Northern tribe told to children, about a magical place with heroes and knights and glitter; York hoped to see it someday
       - Which included the hero “Belvis Breseley” and his many disciples
       - Interestingly, the Benaissance appears to possibly be etymologically linked to this “Ren Faire”, when the famous turtle painter Michaelango lived
- A classic game from the Northern tribes called “Lift It”: where you have a heavy object and see if you can lift it
Episode 6:
- It takes York a few seconds to transform between “Fight Mode” and “Show Mode”
- More Cashews lore: the lead character is Barley Brown
- Another newspaper comic: Beefcliff, which is apparently spelled differently in other locations
- BC also exists: unclear if this is our world’s or simply a coincidence
- Wild trains enjoy bones: new, old, yours, doesn’t matter to the train
- It’s speculated that trains evolved from wild bikes, with some diverging evolutionary lines including trucks
- Wild trains have feline ears and tails; if the ears are in the alert position, the train has now targeted you
- “Life is a railroad, and I’m going to ride it ‘till my stop”: a line from the hit group Bascal Blatts
- An interesting thing to note: synthetic trains are built in the image of wild trains
- York lost 17 of his cousins to wild train attacks; so York has approximately 35 cousins according to him (and I trust his math)
- Wild trains have a “burning inferno” as well as a mouth-eye, and the tail can be used somewhat like a blade
- Stripes on the side of the wild train help it blend in with tallgrass environments
- Horse Pope: holy figure? Into gambling? Oversees soups?
- York: sometimes known as “The Terror of the Northern Tribes”
- York has a net worth of about 6 million bones in his bank, although it’s unclear what the exchange rate is to Bamerican dollars
Episode 7:
- Bibby Joey: creator of the famous song “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant”
- BUNO!
- Eugino, a popular card game (Eugene-Oh?)
- I’m not writing down the rest of those board game puns
- The only game played in the Northern Tribes was “rock hit”, where you threw rocks at another rock in the air and see which rock survived; perhaps Lift It was more of a personal challenge
- There are no tables in the Northern Tribes
- Eugene’s favorite karaoke song is “I Need A Villain” by Donnie Byler, featured in Grek 2
Episode 8:
- York is the smart one, according to Rose: “he thinks the loudest”
- He’s also bad with faces and voices according to Rose; reconfirmed from S1E5
- I just really like that he was 100% convinced that Alm and All were different people
- Phone-bone, apparently
Episode 9:
- I enjoy the two-part confirmation that Northern Tribes orcs have southern accents
- “Joe Beans” is not a traditional orcish name
- Not everyone knows that the Northern Tribes have a monarchy
- “Orcish size” drinks are in a bucket, evidently they are literally sand buckets
- Jancy came to York’s first modeling show :,)
- York once tried to arm-wrestle a snake
- Wonderful film by Studio Jiggly: Ghosted Over There
Episode 10:
- No lore just solving the case!!
Episode 11:
- York’s favorite action hero is Ben Ception, who enters people’s dreams
- List of the months: Febicember, Smarch, Mapril, Junary, and Bachtober
- York’s powerful… stream gives him time to get his arms warmed up for a fight
- Another social media app; Binstagram
- “Lofty goals do lead to existential horrors” - daily quote by Rose
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rate-every-bat · 29 days
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Today's Bat: Silver-Haired Bat
We're back! Fulfilling the other half of this ask, let's review the classic, the ubiquitous, the beautiful... Silver-Haired Bat!
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Environmental Impact: When you look at the Silver-Haired Bat, the Lion King's "Circle of Life" should play in your head. These frosted beauties are so enmeshed in the ecosystem of their wide North American range, a study referenced by ADW cites their worth at around $3.7 billion dollars of pest control. Not only are they excellent insect-eaters, they're an important prey source for predators like skunks, owls, and hawks. Unfortunately, this enmeshing has also lead to the species' several specialized illnesses; specifically, several kinds of mites, and a Silver-Haired Bat exclusive strain of rabies.
🦇🦇🦇🦇/5
Beauty: Wow, I love a Silver-Haired Bat. The dark body reminiscent of the cartoonists' ideal bat... their silver-tipped coats... their little lamb ears... their noses that put me in mind of my pet hedgehog... After a few weeks away, looking at this guy is like taking a cool drink in the hot desert (coincidentally, one of the only places the Silver-Haired bat doesn't like to live).
🦇🦇🦇🦇/5
Power: I love an opportunist, and the Silver-Haired Bat is especially good at getting while the getting's good. They can roost pretty much anywhere, including: in abandoned squirrel nests; in rotted tree hollows; in fissures and cracks in tree bark; in wood storage piles; under house siding panels; in naturally-formed caves; in abandoned mine shafts; and in cracks in cliff faces! They prefer heavily-forested areas, but they can and will snag winter roosts all along their migratory paths. This, and their wide range, make the Silver-Haired Bat one of the most adaptable species I know of.
🦇🦇🦇/5
Overall: If your loved ones emerge from a coma and forget what a bat is, the Silver-Haired Bat is a good one to introduce them to. My fellow US-Americans can look forward to these guys' re-emergence in March!
🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇/5
(Today's sources: Animal Diversity Web, Bat Conservation International)
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lwjsbedtime · 8 months
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Dorm Life - YLLZ in a Bottle
PREV
More of the Rocker!WWX/Student!LWJ AU, but this time it's just LWJ and his roomies experiencing the magic of friendship.
"Are you really going out like that?"
Nie Huaisang turned to find Luo Qingyang staring at his shirt - an army green crop top, completely unsuitable for stormy weather - with a delicate frown upon her face.
Nie Huaisang, having followed her line of sight, sighed condescendingly.
"Mianmian," he admonished sagely, "If an alpha wants to harass me, a longer shirt isn't going to stop them. That's what tasers are for."
Luo Qingyang threw a pillow at his head, causing him to shriek as he jumped out of its path. "It's negative 5° outside, Huaisang. You could get hypothermia."
Nie Huaisang scowled at her, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles in his skinny jeans. He sniffed. "Hypothermia? Doesn't that only affect, like, Sherpas?"
Lan Wangji took that as his cue to tune the rest of their conversation out. Experience had taught him to ignore Nie Huaisang's vapid spells - whatever thoughts they led to were never anything worth investigating.
He turned to his laptop, opening a new document to begin his essay in. A few minutes later, he heard the door slam shut behind Nie Huaisang's back.
Luo Qingyang promptly scooted across her nest to look over Lan Wangji's shoulder. "Do you think he really has a taser?"
Lan Wangji glanced up at her before returning to his essay. "Da-ge wouldn't let him. He buys hairpins on Taobao and sharpens the ends to points."
Luo Qingyang gasped, as if she couldn't believe the person who'd verbally eviscerated Su Minshan last week could ever be so vicious. "What? Are you serious?"
He paused typing halfway through a sentence theorising about the influence of nature on classical music. "When we were fourteen, he was grounded for a month for stabbing one through the hand of a guest at the Nie charity cotillion."
His dormmate's eyes sparked with curiosity and an alarming amount of glee at this information. "Who? It wasn't a Jin was it?"
Lan Wangji ducked his head to hide a small grin. "Wen Chao made a...somewhat crass joke about penetrating omegas. Huaisang believed it was only fair he be penetrated in return."
It was silent for a moment before Luo Qingyang snorted, wheezing out little huffs of air that eventually blossomed into shocked laughter.
"Wow!" She sounded incredulous. "He's got such a wicked sense of justice, hasn't he? It must have been a riot, growing up with such a straightforward friend."
"Nie Huaisang dislikes posturing," he allowed. "But we're not friends."
Luo Qingyang looked dubious. "No? But you seem like it. Huaisang clearly adores you."
Lan Wangji flushed, his gaze skittering down to where his hands fingered the laptop keys anxiously. "Our brothers asked him to look after me. We're not close."
Luo Qingyang hummed sceptically. "I don't know, man. If my brother asked me to look after someone, like, I'd do it. I wouldn't invite them to sleep in my nest because they have a headache, though. That's like, childhood besties territory."
Lan Wangji looked to the wall. "He rarely wished to spend time with me before. Unless we were eating or sleeping, he would run away." He frowned, once more glancing to his hands, now curled in upon themselves atop his lap. "He said it was because I always...tattled on him. He did not like to play by the rules."
A wistful smile played along Luo Qingyang's lips. "Yeah, I hated spending time with my sister when we were younger, too. She'd always snitch on me to Mum. But you know what?" She leaned forward to grin straight into Lan Wangji's face. "She's still my sister, and I love her."
Lan Wangji's heart stuttered in his chest. "Ridiculous."
He whipped back around to face the computer screen. He didn't want to think about the possibility of Nie Huaisang ever doing more than tolerating him. It would only needlessly get his hopes up.
When they were younger, Lan Wangji had wanted nothing more than to be his friend. But he was a sensitive child, and each rejection of companionship from the other boy had worn him down. At one point, the loneliness had been near-soul-crushing - after all, if Lan Wangji couldn't get the only omega he regularly played with to like him, then he must be truly abhorrent. He had to be defective in some way. He'd quickly learned it was better not to dwell on the possibilities.
In an effort to calm himself, Lan Wangji picked up the bottle of YLLZ by his notebook, and misted a few sprays over his collarbones. As expected - as always - the thick, encompassing scent helped centre him, easing his distress with each measured inhale.
By the time Nie Huaisang returned from wherever he'd been - sweaty and rosy cheeked, with a disturbing, coppery stain along the edge of his coat - Lan Wangji had almost forgotten Luo Qingyang's words. Almost, but not quite.
----
NMJ to 5yr old NHS: This is LZ. He's your new friend.
5yr old NHS to everyone else: This is my new didi. Do not hurt him or I will claw your eyes out, thank you. He is my favourite. Geges suck.
NMJ, 14 years later: I still think about that horrible day. 😭
LXC: Well, you're my favourite gege.
NMJ: ...Acceptable. 
----
LWJ's imagination: NHS was sent here by our brothers.
In actuality, he heard LWJ was 'studying abroad' (outside of CR) and suddenly developed a burning passion for Higher Education™️(🤮).
----
NHS: *shady af*
Also NHS: *secretly helping out at the local theatre*
----
NHS' capacity for being a protective brother-figure delights me. You can't convince me he wouldn't be obsessed with Babyji.
NEXT
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play-now-my-lord · 10 months
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Been seeing some discussion of MMO history on the dash so it's worth pointing out that "classic" MMOs like Everquest and launch WoW had an air of moral scandal to them because they exploited gambling addiction behaviors - either by chance or, increasingly through the lifespan of the genre, by design - and left a trail of bodies in their wake, young people playing a game that charged money per month (or, in early cases, per hour) as if it was a full-time job, pissing and shitting at their desktops like an animal for the dopamine hit of a rare drop.
We don't really think about that now because the social role that MMOs served in the 1990s have been replaced by esports-oriented lootbox delivery systems / gacha games on one end & legalized video lotto on the other end. But if you're the sort of person who is scandalized that Genshin Impact or whatever profits off of the monkey on people's backs, remember that it was pretty much the same situation with early MMOs in the 90s and 2000s, and at least nobody's routinely shitting in a sock over Genshin Impact
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sketching-shark · 1 year
Note
You used to like Bull Demon x Sun Wukong right? Could you do 76 + 85? Could also include Iron Fan or be one-sided if that's more your style
SDFAEGRTHSGRFES I literally got this ask three times so dang anon it seems you really like your Demon Bull King x Great Sage ship! Though I will say from my own end that while I personally see Sun Wukong as aroace, of all the people I have seen Sun Wukong shipped with I think pairing him with his og classic bestie made the most sense (like wow Wu Cheng'en even composed this whole poem about their ferocious fight and how tragic it was that their incredibly close friendship ended in bitterness). ANYWAY, here's an attempt at a Demon Bull King x Sun Wukong story with lots of Princess Iron Fan & the prompts of "Did They Or Didn't They" + "Innocent Physical Contact"
-----
Humans could become gods, gods could become yao, but it was vanishingly rare for a yaoguai to declare themselves equal to heaven. Learning that there was another who would so audaciously dare to rebel against the deities was what had initially attracted the self-styled goddess Princess Iron Fan to the far-away Mt. Huaguoshan. She was a xian who knew herself to be accomplished in both the martial, spiritual, and magical arts, but even with an entire mountain cave court of her own to run she felt that the existence of another who called themself a deity on Earth was well worth her personal attention. There was always the chance, after all, that a Earthly god would sooner or later make an attempt at her home and her life. Such a being, as she knew from her own character, would not be restrained by the same rules that governed the Heavenly entities.
For an immortal of her caliber it was but a short trip to Mt. Huaguoshan. It was as filled with fruits and flowers as its name suggested. It was also a scene or unbridled, yet still strangely ordered, chaos. Thousands upon thousands of yaoguai--a good half of them monkey yao--were everywhere playing, eating, fighting, lovemaking, drinking, and even studying scrolls on a multitude of different subjects under the eyes of attentive teachers, all while others practiced military drills in tight formations. Five of the monkey yaoguai who were clearly working as guards had watched Princess Iron Fan float in. One of them had dashed off as soon as she was spotted--likely to announce her presence to this so-called Great Sage Equal to Heaven--while the other four waited for her to land with polite, if cautious, deference. They greeted her as Lady Immortal, and requested that she wait for their king to come welcome her himself. Princess Iron Fan decided to play along for now. Based on what she had seen of the activity on Mt. Huaguoshan, this Great Sage would at the very least have to be quite the administrator to organize everything from food production to education for all the yaoguai who called this mountain home.
When the Great Sage arrived not long after Princess Iron Fan had made herself comfortable on a stone chair covered with high quality silk and was wondering whether she should attempt the plum wine or assorted delicacies that had been brought out for her enjoyment, he did not come alone. The self-declared goddess found herself grudgingly grateful for the impeccable manners she had been instilled with when she still resided in heaven, as she had almost snorted with surprise and mirth when she first saw the vast differences between the Great Sage and his companion. Princess Iron Fan had known before coming that the Great Sage Equal to Heaven was a monkey yaoguai, but she hadn't expected him to be so...short. His stature and slender frame made the towering, well-muscled bulk of his bull yaoguai associate seem all the more formidable.
It was something that Princess Iron Fan, carefully keeping her face pleasantly neutral though she did, couldn't help but appreciate.
The two yaoguai both greeted her with a level of enthusiasm that shocked the self-declared goddess before they flopped carelessly onto the stone seat across from her, the bull yaoguai settling back with a snort of contentment, the monkey yaoguai using his horns to swing around and seat himself on the bull yaoguai's shoulders. The monkey yaoguai--the Great Sage--stared at Princess Iron Fan for a few seconds from his perch before he gave a short chatter of knowing laughter.
"Let's have a cup of wine each, brother bull! It's best if we start this party of three by assuring our guest that nothing's been poisoned."
Princess Iron Fan felt her face heating in embarrassment from being read so easily. Still, she was a stranger in a strange land, and the easygoing hospitality of the yaoguai across from her signaled that they didn't find anything insulting about her suspicion. Rather, they both leaned forward almost eagerly, and asked her if she had come to be part of the alliance of seventy-two mountains.
She had arrived knowing that the self-proclaimed Great Sage was a monkey yaoguai. She had also gathered tales of the many friends that he made everywhere he had traveled. And if she was being honest with herself, Princess Iron Fan had come not just to potentially scope out a future enemy, but with the hope that she might be able to make a new friend.
Deciding in a flash that honesty was the best policy when it came to forging new and hopefully friendly relations, Princess Iron Fan congratulated the Great Sage for his audacity, and admitted that it was precisely that which had first prompted her, as another self-stylized Earthly deity, to make the trip to his mountain home. The bull yaoguai--who, she learned, went by Niú Mówáng-- had roared in laughter at that, and informed her with a cheeky wink that his sworn brother might be the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, but that he was the Great Sage who pacified it. From there the conversation and wine had flowed quickly and pleasantly. Princess Iron Fan learned many details about the alliance between seventy-two yaoguai rulers and their seventy-two mountains that the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, religious name Sun Wukong, had created. She heard story after story of the exploits of Sun Wukong, Níu Mówáng, and the other five members of the sworn brotherhood, and offered a few of her own. Hours flew past in laughter, and while Princess Iron Fan had ended the party by telling a pouting Sun Wukong that she needed to consider matters further before she agreed to be part of his alliance, she could confidently say that their meeting seemed to be the beginning of a delightful relationship. That cheered the monkey right up, his good humor only getting larger when the three immortals were accosted by a pack of young monkey yao that Sun Wukong greeted enthusiastically as his grandchildren. He gave Princess Iron Fan one last wave before he let the horde tug him away, and proceeded to pull one sweet after another out of seams in his armor, the clamor of his grandchildren getting louder and louder as they all begged "Yeye Sun" for some of the treats.
Níu Mówáng watched the monkey and his young entourage leave with clear fondness before he turned back to the self-styled goddess.
"Well my Lady Immortal, what now? Are you planning to return to your own court, or shall we explore those amorous looks you have been throwing my way all evening a little further?"
Princess Iron Fan felt shocked by the bull yaoguai's bluntness into silence, long enough for Níu Mówáng's eyes to grow comically large as he fumbled through an apology for his forwardness, saying sorry that he had so terribly misread her gaze, sorry that he had assumed, sorry that he had-
"Please, you can call me Raksasi. And I think that could be a lovely way to end a delightful day."
The Demon Bull King looked so happy and grateful for her consent that Princess Iron Fan nearly laughed. She couldn't, however, help a squeal of joy and amusement when he picked her up easily and settled her on his shoulders, whispering almost conspiratorially that there was more than one way to ride a bull before setting off at an eager jog for his bedchambers.
Princess Iron Fan had been an Earthly immortal for centuries, and over that time had enjoyed a number of lovers. Yet if she was being honest with herself once again, Princess Iron Fan was coming to prefer the blunt honesty among many of the friendly more "animal" yaoguai over the strange, upsetting mind games that so frequently haunted even the closest of human and godly relations. At the very least, their willingness to express their true desires helped assure that the pain which came with misunderstanding was kept to a few embers, rather than turning into an inferno of raging and confused feelings.
---
It wasn't often that a relationship which had begin for mainly physical reasons blossomed into deep love, but it was a position that Princess Iron Fan found herself in when, years later, the Demon Bull King had greeted her marriage proposal with joyful tears and a bellowed "YES!!!!!" The bull yaoguai had been loud enough that a worried Sun Wukong, his as-you-will cudgel at the ready, had flown into the orchard Raksasi and Níu Mówáng were meeting at with his fangs bared, declaring he could turn their foe into a meat patty. All that fury quickly morphed into joy when he heard what his sworn brother had agreed to, and for all his small stature Sun Wukong was easily able to get the Demon Bull King in a headlock so that he could alternate between nuzzling his sworn brother and tousling his fur with monkey shrieks of delight. Sun Wukong even insisted that they hold at least the wedding feast at Mt. Huaguoshan, even going so far as to bring Princess Iron Fan into that sanctum sanctorum--his personal wine cellar--to convince her of the obvious benefits to choosing his mountain home over her own cave court. Eventually they compromised through the realization that there was no need to have one wedding feast when they could have several. It was a recognition that got that particular monkey off of Raksasi's back as he went to go plan at least five nights of what would be, in the Monkey King's own words "parties that will blow our collective tits clean off."
Raksasi had been happy with her life beforehand, but her upcoming marriage and all the years of friendship and love she had received made everything all the sweeter. She was a powerful xian, loved, respected (and a little feared) at her own court, a firm member of the alliance of now five hundred caves, the friend of some of the most amazing yaoguai she had ever met, and now soon to be married to the great love of her life.
And yet...and yet.
The relationship between Princess Iron Fan and the Demon Bull King had gone through many shifts, yet his relationship to the Monkey King was as strong now as it had been when she first met them. And it was clear to anyone with eyes that the Great Sage Equal to Heaven and the Great Sage Who Pacifies Heaven had a very close relationship, defined by constant tussling and hugging, loud parties, confidential whispers, and even bouts of them going off on adventures for two that sometimes lasted months, Sun Wukong perched confidently on Niú Mówáng's shoulder as they left the Mt. Huaguoshan cave, waving back at the cheering assembled yaoguai until they had disappeared from sight.
Raksasi knew all about this, of course. Conversation between her and her betrothed often turned towards the great deeds him and his sworn brother had accomplished (as well as their mishaps, if the bull yaoguai thought it made for an amusing tale). As it was, Raksasi had come to appreciate this part of her own relation to the Demon Bull King. Being the leader of her own court made for a very busy life, with many aspects that she had constructed according to her preferences over the centuries and which she hadn't wanted another party attempting to abruptly rearrange under the belief that romance with her allowed for anything. Indeed, her and Niú Mówáng had discussed this aspect of their upcoming married life in great detail, and had agreed that Raksasi's cave court and the Demon Bull King's grassland territory should more or less follow the systems that both yaoguai leaders had already established even after they had officially joined forces. Too abrupt a change could result in chaos for their people and for their personal lives. And that was to say nothing of the fact that they were both yaoguai centuries old, and as such as seen a multitude of relationships among their kind falling apart from too many small annoyances piling up as the years went past. The Demon Bull King and the Princess Iron Fan loved each other, but their love would be like the wind caressing the tree; their lives would be connected, but they would still stand as their own beings.
Raksasi was often left giddy in the knowledge that she had found a lover whose own desires wre so suited to her wants. But the closer her marriage to Niú Mówáng got, the more the intimate relation between her betrothed and the Great Sage Equal to Heaven became a topic of court and cave gossip. The whispers and rumors all around her started to become to intense to ignore. The Iron Fan Princess tried...no, she did trust her groom to not be dallying with another yaoguai behind her back, especially not with one with which they were both friends. But as the rumors continued to circulate over the precise nature of the Demon Bull King and Monkey King's apparently too friendly relationship, after she caught a number of her own court regarding her with pity, Raksasi felt justified in seeking reassurance.
When Princess Iron Fan was alone again with the Demon Bull King, she stopped his amorous touches by telling him about the rumors she had heard, how prevalent they had become, how much it was putting doubt on her and her betrothed's relationship. Niú Mówáng grew wide-eyed and gave a snort of surprise upon hearing all of this. It was, however, quickly followed by a thoughtful hum.
Princess Iron Fan braced herself for what might come next.
"I won't lie to you, honey. You are the love of my life...but Sun Wukong is the first one I ever felt such affection for. He...he was my best and most beloved friend for centuries before we even met you. He's been there for me through some of the hardest times in my life. And, well, you've seen him. Whether he's acting as a general or a drinking buddy, he's...he's magnificent."
Princess Iron Fan felt herself bristling a bit at this language in spite of the countless declarations of praise the Demon Bull King routinely gave to her own glory. She almost wanted Niú Mówáng to stop talking. But she wanted the truth of their relationship even more.
"Did you ever...act on your affection for Sun Wukong? Are...are you still acting on it now?"
The Demon Bull King looked absolutely crestfallen at her question, and Princess Iron Fan felt a pang of terror. She had been so worried about the possibility of her betrothed ruining their upcoming marriage with a secret affair that she had completely neglected to consider how her own mistrust might do the same. But Niú Mówáng eventually but smiled and gave her hand a gentle squeeze, as if in silent apology for how his feelings and actions could have sparked her suspicion.
"Truth be told, I don't think he's ever even recognized my affection. And, well, once I realized that he had never shown that kind of interest in anyone, I got scared that me doing so would ruin what we have." Niú Mówáng offered Raksasi another hesitant, melancholy smile. "Truth is I'm still scared to tell anyone."
Raksasi experienced yet again the warm glow that came from understanding how much someone else trusts you to see something they'd rather have hidden. But even so, she had one more concern that, no matter how foolish it might seem she could not ignore.
"If Sun Wukong was receptive to your affections, do you...would you rather be marrying him?"
The Demon Bull King moved towards Princess Iron Fan slowly, as if scared she would fly away. But she let him pull her into a gentle hug and take a few minutes to assemble his thoughts.
"I love my sworn brother. But I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Princess Iron Fan returned her beloved's hug fully.
"Thank you. For your love, for your patience...and for the truth. I know that it can't have been easy to admit your lingering feelings, not right when we're soon to get married. So know that because you told me the truth anyway, I will treasure all the more."
Reaching up, she cupped his face and tried to pour all the love she and understanding could into her gaze. It was also to buy some time to put together one of her own less-than-standard thoughts.
"So thank you for the truth my love. But know that if...if he ever tells you that he may want to take your relationship further...I wouldn't necessarily be averse."
The Demon Bull King's eyes and nostrils grew big with surprise, but then his faced rearranged itself into an expression that was absolutely lascivious.
"Oh? You'd like our dragon and phoenix to be joined by a monkey? I didn't realize I was marrying such a lecher~."
The Iron Fan Princess screamed in mock fury before giving her love a few gentle swats with her folding fan, condemning him for a mind clearly overtaken by the lust he accused her of. The Demon Bull King just responded with a bellowing laugh and sweeping Raksasi up so that he could nuzzle her face and pepper it with kisses, his whispered words going from naughty to sweet and then back to sensual. The Iron Fan Princess was left both heated and warmed from her husband-to-be's attentions and the promises of the treats he had planned for their wedding night. Yet for her the most wonderful part of all was the blooming realization of how honest with each other they could be.
And to be honest with herself once again, she could admit to jealousy. She had never had as deep a relationship with any of her past lovers as she had found with Niú Mówáng, something that left her both joyful that he had it and terrified that he wouldn't want to be in her life forever. Even if she had nothing to worry about in terms of Sun Wukong coming between her and the Demon Bull King, the reassurance that she was the love of his life soothed the spectre of loneliness that often haunted her thoughts. She was, at any rate, very grateful that she didn't have to confront the Great Sage Equal to Heaven for making moves on her man all while pretending to be her friend. Still, Princess Iron Fan could fully admit that while it was not the same kind of adoration that she and the Niú Mówáng shared, neither Raksasi nor anyone else could deny the loyal fierceness with which Sun Wukong loved the Demon Bull King.
It was something that Raksasi could even feel a terrible gratitude for when, centuries later, the Monkey King had prostrated himself before the entirety of a Heaven he had once attempted to overthrow and managed to negotiate, using himself as a bargaining chip, Niú Mówáng's sentence of death for attempting to hinder the journey to the west down to five hundred years imprisonment.
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thegreatcaptainusopp · 3 months
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The Seer
Ao3 link
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6
Chapter 7: Faces Turned to the Sunset
Brook is standing at the crow’s nest, playing his violin.
This is not unusual, nor is it noteworthy. Brook spends more time playing than not. It’s his job, it’s his life (and death! Yohohohoho). It helps him worth through whatever is going through his mind.
He has quite a lot going through his mind at the moment.
Brook knows he’s new to the crew. He knows there’s a lot here (crew dynamics, histories, relationships) that he’s simply not aware of yet. And that’s fine, that’s just life at sea. He’ll learn, eventually.
But this current situation that poor Usopp has found himself in? It’s quite heavy for someone so young, someone who has only just started out his pirate career. But this is something Brook can actually help with.
He’s so, so grateful to these people for giving him the second chance he’s always needed. Maybe now, he can actually begin to repay them.
“Brook?”
Startled out of his thoughts, he stops playing. Below him stands the very subject of his ruminations, looking up in his general direction. He has one hand on the straw hat on his head. Robin is next to him, holding his arm. She gifts Brook a small smile.
“Usopp-San! Robin-San!” Brook lifts his hat in greeting. “How wonderful to run into you on such a fine day!”
“Sorry for startling you,” Usopp responds. “But I was walking around with Robin when we heard you play. I had to come hear some more.”
“Well, young Usopp,” Brook says, making his way down from the crow’s nest. “That’s very kind of you! It’s enough to make even these old bones blush.”
Usopp cocks his head, seemingly listening to Brook’s approach. “I’ve always liked music,” He says. “But now…I don’t know. After what happened, it feels different for me now. Like, it’s the only thing that hasn’t changed for me, as an experience, but that’s what makes it feel different now. Does that make sense?”
Brook hits the deck with a small thump. He sees Usopp turn towards the sound. “It does indeed,” He says, gathering himself. “Often, one relies on the senses one has available. Your connection to music is through a sense that you still have access to, and so allows you to appreciate it even more.”
Usopp nods. “Exactly! You’re so good, too. You were doing a sea shanty? That’s my favorite type of music!”
Brook deliberately taps his cane as he walks towards Robin and Usopp, making his approach clear. Robin, still silent, gives him an approving nod. “Ah, you appreciate the classics,” He says. “Very appropriate for the setting. Do let me know your favorites, and I’ll add them to the repertoire.”
Usopp’s face breaks into a smile, lifting at the bandages around his eyes. “Wow! Thanks, Brook!”
Robin leans in. “Usopp,” She says. “I’ll leave you with Brook now, alright? You can let him know to direct you back to Chopper’s office when you’re ready.”
“Thanks Robin,” Usopp says, and she leans out to grasp at Brook’s bony hand. She leads it to Usopp’s arm, and then gives them another smile.
Brook curls his fingers around Usopp’s upper arm. “Well then,” He says. “Where are we heading?”
Usopp taps on his chin. “Hm,” He says. “Let’s go around the side. I’m trying to get a sense of how wide everything is.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Brook says, starting to lead Usopp in the circuit around the ship. “You know,” He begins. “I haven’t been here very long. But I do know a thing or two about waking up in a different body that doesn’t feel like yours. And I know how difficult an adjustment that is.”
He feels Usopp’s arm tense under his hand. “Yeah,” He says, sounding a little shaky. “I guess you would understand what that feels like.”
“Indeed,” Brook says, gently adjusting Usopp’s path. “And I know how it feels to suddenly not be able to do things that you used to do. But with some time, and practice, and work, I was able to adjust. And with your help, all of you, I’m able to have the life that I wanted to have. Or death, as it turns out. Yohohohoho!”
He feels Usopp’s arm shake in an answering laugh. “You’re right,” He says. “Yeah. It’s just time, I guess. And figuring out what to do now. One step at a time, right?”
Brook makes his step steo forward deliberately heavy. “Correct!” He says. “That’s an excellent outlook to have. And we can remind you if you ever need that.”
“Thanks Brook,” Usopp says. He stops walking, Brook also coming to an abrupt halt. “Can I ask you something?”
“You already have, yohohohoho,” Brook jokes. “But go ahead!”
“What’s your favorite music?” Usopp says. “What do you like to play the most?”
Brook feels a warm fondness in his bones. “It’s kind of you to ask,” He says. “I love everything I play, don’t you worry! Music is a gift I treasure every day.”
Usopp nods, and Brook gently tugs on his arm to start walking again. They reach the side of the ship and Brook leads him into another turn. They’ve reached the side that opens up to the island, and Brook takes a moment to appreciate the view.
Usopp whips his head to the side. “Oh!” He says, sounding excited. “We’re at the side near Sabaody, right? I can smell and hear it! And I can feel the wind from it!”
“Correct!” Brook says, patting Usopp on the shoulder.
Usopp stops, leaning on the side of the ship. He moves the hand on the hat lower, til it clutches at the rim. “Brook,” He says. “Can you tell me what it looks like?”
Brook stands next to him. “Of course,” He says. He looks out onto the land. “It’s green…very green! Lots of forest, spreading out into the distance. There seems to be bubbles emerging from the island, and there’s quite a lot of them floating around us.”
Usopp sighs. “Sounds beautiful,” He says.
Brook lays a hand on Usopp’s head, gently minding the hat. “The actual town looks quite busy,” He says. “There’s lots of buildings, shops, and people. There’s also-”
Brook cuts himself off. “Oh!” He says. “It looks like our Captain, swordsman, and cook are on their way back! Seems a little quick…”
Usopp cocks his head. “Do they look alright?”
Brook leans closer. “They look a little grim,” He reports. “There seems to be someone with them. I don’t recognize him. He’s older, long white hair, glasses-”
At that moment, Nami thunders out onto the deck, followed closely by Franky. “Guys! Luffy and the others are coming back with-”
She spots Brook and Usopp and literally skids to a stop. “Usopp,” She breathes.
Usopp turns in her general direction. “Nami?”
“Oh,” She says, tears forming in her eyes, “Oh, Usopp…”
In the next breath she’s running forward, so fast she almost stumbles over her own feet. “USOPP!”
She jumps at him, flinging her arms around him and hugging him tight. Brook and Franky share a look. Franky looks like he’s seconds away from crying himself.
Usopp stumbles back, clutching onto the straw hat for dear life. Brook reaches out to steady him. “Hey Nami,” He says softly. “Long time no…see.”
Nami buries her head in Usopp’s shoulder. “Idiot!” She says, then instantly bursts into tears.
Usopp looks panicked. “Oh hey, Nami, come on, it’s okay, please don’t…”
“I’m sorry,” Nami wails into Usopp’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Usopp, I’m sorry…”
Usopp reaches a hand to clumsily pat her on the back. “Hey,” He says again. “It’s alright, really, I’ll be okay, yeah? I’ll…I’ll manage. Right? Hey, Nami, everyone’s coming back, we should talk to them…”
Nami stiffens, then lets Usopp go. “You’re right,” She sniffs, trying to get a hold of herself. “I was gonna say, they look serious. We’ll talk later, okay? After we find out what’s going on?”
“Of course,” Usopp says, and Brook turns his attention back to the approaching group. To his surprise, in that time, they’ve managed to make it back to the ship, and are slowly making their way up to the deck.
“Oi,” Sanji says, first one to arrive. “Which if you assholes made Nami-San cry? Is Robin-Chan alright?”
He eyes tick around the group, landing on Usopp. Understanding fills his gaze. “Whatever,” He says, losing in their direction. “Don’t let me catch anyone doing that again.”
He makes his way next to Brook and Usopp. He nods at Brook, then taps Usopp on the elbow. “Hey,” He says. “Out and about now?”
“Chopper cleared me,” Usopp responds, and Brook sees Zoro make his way to the ship. “I’ve missed walking around up here.”
Brook keeps an eye on Zoro, and knows instantly once he’s caught sight of Usopp. His jaw visibly clenches, like he’s desperately holding something back. He makes an aborted motion forward before stepping back, fists clenched. He stiffly backs up to join Franky, but his eyes don’t leave Usopp.
Luffy gets in next, definitely more subdued by usual, closely followed by this new stranger. Brook eyes (well. Eye sockets) him wearily.
“Okay,” Luffy says, hands on his hips. “You’re here now. What was it that you wanted to tell us?”
Brook sees Robin approaching from within the ship, Chopper trotting out next to her. Ah, we’ve all arrived. He thinks to himself.
The man looks around. “Impressive ship you have here,” He comments. “I could coat her for you, soon.”
Franky’s chest puffs up with pride. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”
“Yeah,” Luffy says, impatient. “But what about Ace? How can you help us?”
“Ace needs our help?” Nami asks.
Usopp leans over to Brook, whispering “That’s Luffy’s brother.”
Brook nods. He hadn’t known Luffy had a brother.
The man looks at them all. Brook catches him eying the hat on Usopp’s head. “Hatchan told me you were here. My name is Rayleigh,” He says. “And I’ve been looking to meet you for a while, Straw Hat Luffy. I have some information that you may find useful.”
-
Usopp listens with growing amazement and fear as Rayleigh begins to speak.
He tells them about the growing tensions amongst the pirates, the threat of war, the gathering of a group known as the supernova. He tells them about Whitebeard, and about Ace, and about how the situation was a powder keg that was likely to explode. He tells them about Sabaody, the Celestial Dragons, and everything that goes with them. “If you’d arrived a little earlier, you might have run into some chaos,” He had mused, and Usopp had felt ice run through his back, like a bullet at only just missed his spine.
All that talk of war had sounded much too close to Vance’s explanations for comfort. The idea that he had been right about this, had been right about something, does not sit well in his stomach. It makes him want to plug his ears and sink back into the dark.
He knows he can’t do that, though.
Rayleigh concludes his tale with explaining where Ace was, and where he was going to be taken afterwards. “So,” He says. “You’re either going to Impel Down, which is the most dangerous prison I the world, to stage a breakout. Or, you’re headed to Marineford, facing the strongest members of the Navy from one end and Whitebeard on the other. Are you sure you’re still up to the task.”
Luffy, silent up until that point, speaks up right away. “Yes,” He says firmly. “Can you give us the way to get there?”
Usopp can feel his knees knock together. It all sounds like too much. Maybe he can legitimately claim can’t-go-on-this-certain-death-mission disease now.
“Sure,” Rayleigh’s voice echoes, amused. “But you should know, you’re walking into the middle of some of the most powerful players on the grand line. And you’re taking your crew with you. Are you prepared for what you’re about to face?”
Usopp prepares for Luffy to respond. He’s surprised to hear nothing.
“Captain?” Robin says, sounding concerned.
Usopp runs the comment back in his head. The crew…he knows Luffy is more than willing to jump into certain death. But the idea that he may be leading them to it too…it must be killing him.
“Don’t worry about us Captain,” Zoro says. “Where you go, we follow. And if you’re going to save your brother, well. We’ll do that too.”
“If what he says is true,” Luffy says. “I need you all to think about this. I can’t ask you to do this if I don’t know I can make sure you all get out.”
His voice is so pained, conflicted.
It’s up to Usopp to fix this, to bring his mood back up.
He feels the familiar itch in his head, and, without thinking, submits. “Of course we can help!” He says. “Did I ever tell you about the time I made the most impossible shot in the world?”
The ship goes silent. Even the ambient noise of the sea is muted. “No,” Luffy says. “What happened?”
“Well,” Usopp says, warming up to the performance. “It was me and my slingshot against the world. I had to make a shot into a large fortress, an impossible amount of meters away. But nobody had accounted for me. I was able to throw my senses out, and see the targets I was about to hit even without seeing them. In the middle of being attached myself, I aimed and fired into the distance. Even though I couldn’t see the impact, I knew that I had made it and that…”
Usopp trails off, mind catching up to the story.
Had he just…was that…
“Wow,” Luffy says. “I didn’t know about that.”
“See, Luffy?” Sanji says. “We’re all capable. Look at what Usopp just said. If that’s going to happen, you know we’re ready, don’t you?”
Usopp’s head is spinning. It’s the first time he has really noticed what’s going on, how the story spills out of him. And everyone had known it was all true. Everyone but him.
But…the impossible shot. How is going to-
“Hey,” Rayleigh says, interrupting his thoughts. “If I may ask. What the hell just happened there?”
“Usopp tells stories,” Luffy says proudly, like he’s used to it. “And they come true!”
“He’s a seer,” Brook rushes to explain. “He has powers, he can see events before they happen. He’s only just realized it recently.”
“Well,” Rayleigh says. “I don’t know who told you that, but that’s not quite true. The future telling is, but being a ‘seer’? Not exactly.”
There’s a short pause. “What do you mean by that?” Nami asks.
The blood is thundering in Usopp’s ears. He doesn’t know if he wants to hear this but at the same time, he really needs to.
“I mean,” Rayleigh says. “Usopp over there has some of the most advanced observation Haki I’ve ever witnessed, and that’s saying something. I could feel it while he was talking. I know of some who can predict future events with Haki but never as advanced as this seems to be. And without training? Without even knowing about it? That is truly impressive.”
“What the hell is Haki?” And that’s Zoro.
“Vance said,” Usopp trips in. “Vance said that…that we had powers to balance out the darkness of the devil fruits into the world. Me with my prophecies. Him with his intimidation. Lark with his body armor. Was that…was that a lie?”
“Well if it wasn’t,” Rayleigh says. “Vance, whoever he is, is an idiot. Those aren’t ‘powers’ to balance out devil fruit. It’s Haki. And, to answer your question,” He must direct this at Zoro. “Usopp here has given us a succinct summary of the different types. Observation, which he himself has at a quite advanced level. Armament, which makes you turn your body into living armor, which this Lark person apparently has. And Conqueror’s: very rare, very powerful, which it seems from your description that this Vance person has. Is he able to knock out people with his energy?”
“Yes,” Sanji says slowly. “He…he stopped us in our tracks. I couldn’t move, there was this feeling of fear and despair that came over me. Was that..this Haki, or whatever it’s called?”
“Looks like it,” Rayleigh says. “Technically, anyone can be a Haki user. Observation and Armament, at least. Conqueror’s is a bit more rare, the only individuals that can use it are particularly-” He cuts himself off. “Never mind, we’ll get into all that later. What’s important now is that it seems these people have developed different types of Haki without, apparently, knowing what it is. And thinking it’s to combat devil fruits? That’s funny. Many devil fruit users are also very proficient at Haki.”
“So…” Usopp thinks he’s feeling dizzy. But how could he, in the dark. “Wait. Vance also said that I’d be able to control my Second Sight better when he blinded me…”
Rayleigh interrupts him immediately. “That’s bullshit,” He says. “That man is definitely an idiot. I’m sorry you got caught up in that idiocy, but that is not true. Your sight has nothing to do with your Haki. As long as you’ve been telling those stories, you’ve been using it. To gain mastery, you would simply need to train. That’s all.”
“So it was for nothing?” Usopp says. He thinks he’s yelling. “All that…everything. It was for nothing? I’m like this now for nothing?”
He feels a hand push at the hat on his head. “Usopp,” Brook says quietly.
Usopp takes a deep breath. “Sorry,” He says. “This is just…”
“That’s fair,” Rayleigh says. “I’d be mad too, if I were you. But, you know, observation Haki will help you too, with that. I know someone like you, who uses his Haki to-” He interrupts himself again. “Getting ahead of myself there again.”
“Wait,” Usopp says. “He also said that there was this…serum that would get rid of devil fruits. Was that a lie too?”
Rayleigh is silent for a few seconds. “I haven’t heard of that,” He says. “But there’s a lot of experimentation going on at the moment in devil fruits. Certain individuals have been working on…understanding them, I suppose? Replicating them? I haven’t heard of anything about destroying them, as of now. But I couldn’t say for certain that it doesn’t exist.”
Usopp feels minute shakes run throughout his body. What the hell. He thinks hysterically. What the hell. What the hell.
His panicked thoughts grind to a halt when he hears Luffy’s voice. “This is important,” He says. “And we have to come back to it later. But first…everyone. You know the risks. Are you all willing to come with me to get Ace? Knowing what we’re going into?”
Usopp shakes himself back into awareness. “Of course!” He answers.
He hears various versions of yes echo throughout the crew, and he knows already that everyone had declared themselves ready. For Luffy, they always will.
“I’ll do whatever I can to protect you all,” Luffy says, and Usopp knows he means it. “I promise. Old guy! Can you go with Nami and explain to her how to get to Ace?”
Nami speaks up. “Follow me,” She says. “I just want to run this by you..”
“Fine,” Rayleigh says. “And, Straw Hat?”
He must wait for Luffy to turn to him, the says “After you’ve finished your mission? Come back here, to Sabaody. I’ll coat your ship. And there’s more you all need to know.”
“We will,” Luffy says. “It’s a deal.”
-
Haki.
Haki. Haki. Haki.
Usopp screws his face up, trying to concentrate.
He’s back in the medical bay, because of course he is…Chopper would only also do much action, especially after all the revelations that had come down on them one by one. You still need to heal, he’d said firmly, and that was that.
Chopper had given him a quick exam before telling him he needed some more rest. Before he’d headed back out, Usopp had reached out a hand and grasped a horn. You know you’re the best doctor ever, right? He’d said. He’d felt Chopper wiggle in delight (and relief) before leaving the room.
Chopper is the best doctor ever, but Usopp is kind of a bad patient. In that he has no intention of listening to Chopper and getting some rest.
No, instead, he’s going to experiment.
Usopp had always been a big believer in experimentation: if you’re an artist, or an engineer, you need to be willing to try everything and use what works. And Usopp really needs to make this work, and fast.
Old man Rayleigh had said a lot of things. Almost all were important and valuable, but Usopp was focusing on the story he almost let slip. The one about the friend, the one supposedly like Usopp, who could use Observation Haki to help him out.
Well. He could certainly try, right? Maybe this way, he could do what Vance tried to make him do, and use his visions to-
No. No need to go down that path.
Back to concentration. Usopp slowly takes off the straw hat, holding it in front of him. Help me, Hat. He thinks. Help me get this.
He reaches out to that corner of his mind, the one that itches whenever he has a story to tell. You’ve gotta be there. Come on come on come on.
Something shimmers in the corner of the darkness. It vibrates, spins, crisscrosses into lines…
The abrupt opening of the door disrupts his concentration. He jumps, nearly dropping the hat in the process.
Heavy steps stomp into the room, which is pretty much the only data point Usopp needs. “Zoro?” He asks.
There’s silence for a second, then: “How’d you know?” Zoro says, baffled. “What, you already discovered how to sense me with your ‘haki’?”
Soon. Hopefully. “Nah,” Usopp says, putting the hat back on his head. “Nobody else but you stomps like that.”
There’s a moment where Zoro is clearly trying to figure out if he’s being insulted. He lands on “Fine,” and Usopp hears the familiar scrape of Chopper’s stool echo across the room.
Zoro is sitting with him, here? Zoro?
Usopp knows Zoro by now, and he knows that Zoro is someone who chooses his moments very carefully. He’s not one for chatting, for the most part. But he’s more than willing to speak his mind when he thinks the safety and place of the crew is at risk.
And this is what Usopp has been afraid of most. Luffy was difficult to face after this, but Zoro, in a way, is even harder to return to after his time with Vance. He can’t be the one that Zoro sees as a liability to the rest of them, and be the one needing to make the hard choice and deal with the liability.
Disappointing him again is a difficult pill to swallow.
Before Usopp can work himself up into a further state of nerves, Zoro clears his throat.
“Usopp,” He says, steady, determined. “I’m sorry.”
Usopp feels the words like a shock to his system. Why does everyone on this damn crew always apologize to me? He thinks wildly.
But what he ends up croaking out is “For what?”
“For one,” Zoro says. “Not coming by to speak to you sooner. You know Chopper didn’t want us to, but still. I could’ve come anyway. I wanted to. But at the same time…I’ll be honest. It was kind of difficult to do.”
Usopp’s mouth goes dry. “Why?”
“Because I was ashamed,” Zoro says. “I still am. You know you guys are my responsibility, right? Luffy’s captain, but his job is to lead us. Mine is to make sure you guys can follow. And I failed that. I failed you. Which brings me to my second reason…I’m sorry I let you down. You got taken on my watch, and you permanently injured because of it. I’ll take responsibility for that. I’m sorry.”
Usopp…Usopp is stunned into silence. He’s not familiar with the feeling.
Zoro seems content to wait, though. Of course he is. Zoro faces everything head on until he’s done. That just who he is.
Which is why Usopp needs to be crystal clear when he speaks. “That’s stupid,” He says.
“What?” Zoro says. “What do you mean?”
“You guys keep apologizing to me,” Usopp says. “And I guess I get it, in a way. If I was in your position, and this happened to someone else, I’d feel bad too. But you should know, I’m only still alive because of you guys. I only still have hope because of you guys. Because losing my sight almost destroyed me. It still might, I don’t know. But you’re all still here. You still want me here. And, well, that means I have to keep trying until I can find a way to be helpful still.”
Zoro doesn’t seem to have an answer, so Usopp continues.
“When you came in,” Usopp says. “I was worried you were going to tell me it might be better if I left. Because I know you always put the crew first, always. The fact that you didn’t means so much. And I’ll keep on proving that to you guys.”
“Usopp,” Zoro says, and he actually sounds a little choked. “Of course I wouldn’t. You’re…you’re part of the crew. I don’t think…I don’t think you’re getting this. I’m responsible for you too, you know. Even though you’re a big idiot who can’t tell when he’s part of something.”
Usopp laughs. “You’re the idiot,” He says. “Aren’t you, like, still half dead from Thriller Bark? How exactly were you going to put all of our safety on our shoulders? Idiot. You know you’re also part of the crew, right? Doesn’t that mean you have to look after yourself too?”
“It doesn’t work that way,” Zoro says. “That’s the job. The crew before me. And, look. I know where this is coming from. Water 7, right?”
Usopp gently pulls at the straw hat so that it hits the tip of his nose, hiding the upper half of his face. He can’t do this.
“Hey,” He feels the hat being tugged back up. “Stop that. Yeah, it happened. Yeah, it sucked. Yeah, I was upset. And so were you. But it happened and that’s that. You said sorry and we took you back. The fact that you think that I would…I would kick you out as a result still shows that you needed to hear an apology too. So, there you go. You did it and we accepted. Now I did it. You gotta accept it too.”
Usopp is not going to cry here. “Okay, fine,” He sniffs. “I accept. But you know that still doesn’t mean that I blame you or anyone else for this. So long as you’re patient with me while I figure this thing out, right?”
“What, are you kidding?” Zoro says. “I’m always patient.”
Usopp raises his eyebrows. They probably don’t show under the bandages. “If you say so,” He says.
Zoro grumbles, but he clearly doesn’t mean it. “I saw that,” He says. “Nice try. You need to work on your stealth.”
He feels a heavy hand go back up to the hat, and press it down further into his head. “By the way,” Zoro says. “I got you something.”
Usopp feels something press into his hand. Something very, very familiar.
He swallows, clutching the Kabuto tight. “You know I can’t use this, right?” He croaks.
Zoro shrugs. “Maybe not in the way you used to,” He says. “But it’s yours. It always will be.”
Usopp smiles, allowing all his fondness and affection to take over. “Thank you for this. And thanks for coming and talking,” He says. “And, you know. There’s something I’m working on. Maybe you can help me with-”
He’s interrupted by Brook’s voice outside, booming with all his might:
“Impel Down, dead ahead! Like me!”
-
Of course, it can never be that easy.
Brook has a million questions as they speed closer towards the towering, ominous building on the horizon. Mainly, they center on what the hell are they going to do next.
Impel Down is without a doubt one of the scariest places he’s ever heard of. Going in, staging a breakout? That’s a Herculean task. How will they even get in? And how will they get out again?
Luffy does not seem to have these same concerns. He stands at the front of the ship, arms crossed, his hair blowing around in the strong winds. He’s less chipper than normal, more serious. It’s extremely sobering.
The crew has all scattered out at Brook’s shout, crowding around Luffy. Even Usopp has emerged, assisted by Zoro and carrying his large slingshot, even though he can’t see the approaching prison. Chopper sidles up to him, clearly wanting to scold but thinking this wasn’t the time nor the place to do so.
Luffy says nothing, though. Just keeps looking into the distance. Staring so hard Brook thinks he’s trying to burrow through the walls of the prison to find his brother.
Brook hopes he can meet this brother someday.
“There!” Nami points at the distance. “Those are ships, right? Exiting the prison? Do you think…”
Luffy steps forward, arms still crossed, staring hard. “Nami,” He says. “Can you check with the binoculars and see?”
Brook hands over the binoculars to Nami, who puts them over her eyes. “Okay,” She says. “There’s people on the ships, I don’t really recognize them. Lots of marines. Um, that one doesn’t have anyone. Let me try…oh.”
Luffy’s voice tightens. “Nami?”
“Yeah,” Nami says, voice subdued. “That’s him. That’s Ace. We’re too late, they’re already taking him out. He’s being taken to Marineford.”
Luffy’s eyes harden. “Let’s go,” He says. “We’ll follow. We go after them.”
“Right!” Nami goes forward. “Franky, let’s get a couple coup-de-bursts going so that we can-”
“Luffy.”
Brook turns in surprise. That’s Usopp, and he’s frowning under his bandages.
Luffy turns to Usopp. “Yes?”
“We still need to go to Impel Down,” Usopp says. We need to let the prisoners out.”
Luffy blinks in confusion. “What?” He says. “Why?”
The rest of the crew seems just as surprise. Even Nami has paused, right in the middle of her run towards the helm.
“It…” Usopp pauses, frown deepening. “We just have to. Trust me.”
Luffy still doesn’t look convinced. “But we need to save Ace,” He says. “How will that help us save Ace?”
Usopp’s back straightens. “Luffy,” He says, voice calm. “Have I ever told you about the time I staged a prison break?”
This gets everyone’s attention. All eyes go to Usopp, waiting.
Luffy seems to get it right away. His eyes widen. “No,” He says. “You haven’t told me.”
“Well,” Usopp says. “That’s the thing about prison breaks. They’re difficult to do, but sometimes they’re worth it. I knew that they would make a good distraction. Especially if something big is happening close by. I also knew that there would be prisoners there that would help me, because I’m just that likeable. But I didn’t do it from inside. Instead, I made sure to use what I had to break the walls from the outside. Maybe even, I don’t know. Aim for the cells on the upper floors for a specific, important ally. All the prisoners were grateful, and they helped me when I needed it most.”
“Oh,” Luffy says. “Wow! Okay, Usopp. That’s so cool. I get it now. Thank you!”
Usopp just nods.
Luffy turns to the crew. “New plan!” He says. “We’re going to break into Impel Down and try to save Ace. At the same time!”
Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10
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blysse-and-blunder · 7 months
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In lieu of a week in the woods
sunday, august 27, 2023 ~ 11:30pm
just got back from 6+ days off the grid, swimming, drinking tea, porch sittin’, and generally revisiting old stomping grounds. somehow it still wasn’t long enough.
(you can add a read more on mobile now??!!)
Reading picked out some specific weird old trade paperbacks to read at the cottage, and successfully finished one: margaret atwood’s lady oracle. one of those books where I will be thinking about it forever, but not necessarily because I enjoyed it? good prose moments, good turns of phrase or moments of clear perception, but i found the main character sort of perplexing—the bits of old Toronto, vintage mid century canadian childhood and adolescence, were probably what will stick with me. That and the way that I think it was trying to get psychonanalytic but, in classic 80s feminist fiction style, it didn’t make a ton of sense. also the fatphobia? like, experimenting with the pov of someone with intense body dysmorphia / weight shaming / internalized fatphobia felt unempathetic? like i was supposed to be impressed or titillated or surprised by this choice, that the book would even consider having a main character who was fat. period typical, sure, part of the mid century setting, sure, but also like. gratuitous.
also finished italo calvino’s the baron in the trees, and a.k. larkwood’s the unspoken name, and started the audiobook for the long way to a small angry planet. Also began my harrow the ninth reread, and wow this book is good. and even more so when you can follow what’s happening.
listening only the fact that I did spend so long literally in the woods has prevented me from having in-depth thoughts and feelings about hozier’s unreal earth. more to come as I sit with it longer, but so far—strong positive feelings. some new ground, some old ground, and some things that bridge the two nicely. worth listening to with headphones or however you can pick up all the layers in the mix. I really like ‘Icarian carrion’ on this listen.
watching watched a couple of episodes of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds this evening, since being back— ‘lost in translation,’ and the lower decks cross-over. loved seeing boimler and mariner in the flesh, and the different gags they fit into that one, despite the fact that one of the things I’ve liked most about this season has been the show gradually giving time to some of the more philosophical questions trek can explore—but lower decks does that too, sometimes better, and these two episodes back to back fit pretty well.
playing it was a very boardgame forward week at the cottage— clue, PARKS, and a new one for me, shadows over Camelot. not an uncomplicated setup, but some of the tie-ins to actual arthurian themes (the grail quest keeps pulling players in but it will grind them up and spit them out! the next generation are the ones who survive!) caught and held my enjoyment when the different mechanics threatened to lose it. I also tuned in to d&d remotely for a bit, though my connection was bad, and my rig was rated ‘haunted’ by the other players. they could hear crickets over the voice chat 😌🌲
making sewed a new patch onto my jacket and moved another two—picture to follow. didn’t do any of the mending I brought, but have had thoughts about what makes sense and what I might buy to supplement the projects. new fabric store on my commute deserves a visit, methinks.
working on truly the answer here is ‘not overthinking or delaying out of perfectionism’. which I have already done. finished all but the last eng 385 essay feedback, finished proofing for joe and responding to the department’s newsletter person for the piece she’s writing; still have to finish this letter of recommendation and these two (2!?) chapter drafts. the point is to be able to write a final sentence and just. let them go. learn how to not stop shy of finishing something. learn how to bring something (anything) to a state of some kind of completion. sure, right. sure.
if you need me, I’ll be back in the woods.
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merv606 · 11 months
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PA for which era?
Because KK era Daniel and Terry is a wildfire waiting to happen. Hello age difference and hello arm candy! Legit Daniel sitting on Terry's lap during meetings taking notes but also holding enough authority to respond to stupid questions that aren't worth Terry's time. Danny also the only one able to calm Terry down. Cute little twink ready to service his boss with whatever need he may have even at a pool party.
And CK era Terry and Daniel is more romantic. Because Daniel is wiser and much sassier and Terry is calmer and more longing for someone who gets him. Omg wow look at that, four hours just flew by discussing classic American muscle cars and ancient Japanese culture! Might as well stay for dinner and wine... oh you know your wine??
Question is does either era Terry have a say in the hiring process or does he meet Daniel on his first day? 🤔
Does he test Daniel or does Daniel impress him with his ability to keep up with him?
Either era Daniel would be the best assistant ever because he knows how to talk to people, he's a natural salesman, he's energetic, and he's a little conniving himself to get things done. AND HE'S GORGEOUS which represents the Silver brand rather well. Only the best for Terry Silver.
I would say it works for any era but if we’re talking KK3 Era:
I have this idea, of Margaret hiring Daniel. She’s not retiring for several months but she needs to have someone she knows can handle Terry - so that she can have her retirement in peace.
Terry has no say - and he leaves all that stuff up to Margaret anyway.
I’d say she knows Terry’s tastes and hiring Daniel is partly her revenge for what she’s put up with over the years.
I’d say he takes one look and thinks he’s going to have that boy bent over his desk falling apart of his cock within days.
Pretty face, pretty mouth and pretty 🍑 he’s a true triple threat.
So, Terry doesn’t care if Daniel can do the job or not - one look and he knows he’ll keep the boy on the payroll just to have him around as eye candy.
So it does end up surprising him - how competent Daniel is and maybe Terry does throw out a few tests after that - just to see.
And wow, he thought Margaret was a hard ass. Daniel puts up with nothing and always keeps Terry in line (and that may be helped by the fact that Terry tries to be on his best behaviour - by Terry standards anyway - around Daniel as he’s trying to get into his pants).
Maybe at first he turns down Terry’s advances, and after awhile it becomes less about a conquest - just bedding him - to Terry actually wanting him in his bed along with other things - which is a novel idea for him.
Terry usually does the flavour of the month - but getting to know Daniel, and finding out how much that have in common - Terry becomes more and more compelled (re: obsessed).
He does end up bending Daniel over his desk with Daniel falling apart on his cock 😏 and getting a ring on it but Daniel refuses to be just some kept pretty thing for Terry to play with (much to Terry’s infinite sadness - the kept boy lazing around as a spoiled pet part - he plays with his Danny boy plenty, thank you very much 😆).
His husband goes on to do great philanthropy work with veterans. He also opens dojos where disadvantaged kids can practise for free).
And he may be giving away Terry’s money but it makes him and the company look good and it keeps Danny happy and a happy Danny is a happy Terry. Besides, Daniel is always very “appreciative” of Terry’s large donations (take that any way you want it 😉).
And Terry can’t complain when he goes to collect his husband - after a day of helping the kids - watching him practising kata in the fading Californian sunlight - small smile lifting at the corners of his generous mouth when he hears Terry locking the dojo door behind him.
Those floor to ceiling mirrors are perfect for times like this - Daniel’s skin flushed and sweaty - as Terry takes him from behind. Their pants are pooled around their ankles, Daniel bracing himself with a hand against the mirror, other one wrapped around his cock as Terry watches them in mirror - their eyes meeting in it.
Margaret’s pension doubles as a thank you, BTW.
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