#wow i dont know how to process what happened

[dog-girl-zezora]

...

#personal #i know for a fact that enjoying myself too much will later lead to a depressive episode #im starting to recognize how it happens. #a good weekend vacation... i go to work and keep busy... #the next weekend is me. alone. with time. #and even if it ISNT just me. #... this room this house... this family... the reality... #it caves in on me. #and i wish i was somewhere else #... and well. youd imagine where that goes #it does suck because i mean its like coming to terms with returning to your life #and maybe... i dont want to. #of course i dont want to... i know whats better and i know what feels better #... i have to sob myself back to reality #through a painful process of a depressive episode. #... #sigh i mean i could be handling this better i think #i just seem to be having mania and then depression... wow its almost like i have problems disorders.... #lmfao

[alleycatchitchat]

TROLLS BAND TOGETHER SPOILERS

SO I WATCHED TROLLS BAND TOGETHER!!! MANY FEELINGSS! INCOHERENT!!!

I have SO much to say and think about this movie (positive) buuut I need a few days, or maybe weeks, to process... but I made some notes while watching just to chronicle the emotional journey I was experiencing, and wanted to share! There are SPOILERS here, please PLEASE do not read if you don't want to see spoilers!!

Ready? Ok:

"Let's play some rummy! But I won't let you win, because I play for the money" i think im in love

BRIDGET WEDDING JUMPSUIT FUCK YEAH 😭😭

"I can't remember all my suitors, Grissie" yes you go girl. you're powerful and amazing and people love you, don't ever forget it

apparently poppy casually refers to branch as her boyfriend and that's normal now. i'm (choke) gonna need (sob) gonna need a minute here guys

love that floyd signs his letters "the sensitive one" like yeah babe pretty sure your brother knows who you are no need to specify

sweet dreams IS featured in this movie!! omg im so happy you have no idea. i saw somewhere that velvet and veneer performed that song and it's my favorite ever and i was SO freaking excited to see it featured in one of my favorite franchises but i couldn't find it when the soundtrack came out so i thought it was fake but its not im so happy

peppy how many more dark secrets are you hiding?? he was so straightforward in the first movie but now it looks like he's just gonna keep pulling bigger and weirder hidden drama out of his sleeve as the franchise progresses. not necessarily a complaint just something i noticed

floyd is branch's favorite brother CONFIRMED

floyd! the sass!! ok he's DEFINITELY related to branch and also i think i love him

FLOYD SWEETHEART BABYGIRL DONT BE SAD I CANT HANDLE THAT

“Branch? One word. KEEPER”

Wait but how can floyd be my favorite brozone member when bruce is also so wonderful

I can also totally see the family resemblance between branch and bruce when they simp over their girls

I KNEW peppy was gonna be talking to mr dinkles i knew it i knew it

Also just so happy to see them acknowledge the events of the original movie. Don’t think bridget and gristle were even in TWT?? And the trolls’ history with the bergens in HUGE, and something that they shouldn’t have just written out of the story like that

They’re going to FLUSH floyd?????

Yes clay grandma got eaten try to keep up

Floyd and branch hugging THROUGH the glass is everything i ever wanted and also killing me slowly and painfully

I mean i guess its diamond not glass but you get the idea

“Its fine. we’re not gonna press charges”

Anna is unfrozen with the power of sisterly love but short, male, and blue

Do i like veneer now? What’s happening?

Wow. branch has come a long way since the first troll movie, and i didn’t know how to feel abut that because i was so nostalgic, but seeing him happy and confident like this makes me feel so at peace. yess i know he’s a fictional children’s character what of it

#trolls branch #trolls poppy #dreamworks trolls #trolls dreamworks #trolls band together #trolls 3 #trolls john dory #trolls floyd #trolls clay #trolls bridget #trolls king gristle #bergens #trolls veneer #trolls brozone #spoilers #trolls 3 spoilers #trolls band together spoilers #trolls spoilers

[fairykazu]

youre dating me! not him! ft. lyney࿐࿔ ✦cws: est. relationship, otome game (i.e. love and deepspace), rafayel my beloved, jealousy, feminine terms are used but reader is gender neutral, crackpost, lyney is trying to be batman to save chaos from gotham (his brain) and ooc ✦masterlist

lyney noticed something off with his girlfriend, giggling on their phone and of course, he thinks that youre either chatting away with your own friends or youve picked up a new hobby.

you have plenty of hobbies but you so happen to be invested in fandom culture.

hes well aware of how you read fanfiction on those websites, totally not because he snooped on your phone and accidentally found them. he will admit though that they are pretty well written, and he did steal some of the tropes and some of the pick up lines just to flirt and fluster you.

but you're not intensely reading fanfiction because you don't have the face, the "oh my god???" or "OH MY GODDD..... ?!?!?!?" so clearly, you're playing something else here. but you were being sneaky!

every time he tries to peek over, you hid your screen, turn off your phone. hell, you even invested into a privacy phone screen. although, these signs do sound like cheating. it most definitely is not because well… to put it lightly, you’re kind of a loser (affectionate) but its his favorite trait of yours!!!

…

wow.

that sounded more backhanded than he intended.

but he has to solve this mystery before the world falls to chaos…

he’s just going to “borrow” your phone. he had a plan and everything. he knew exactly what he was going to do. wait until you sleep, unlock your phone and find out your biggest secret at the moment.

but instead, midway of his plan, you had light mode on??? why are you the devil? knowing he was going to sneak onto your phone, you put your themes to light mode. its a sneak attack on his very character!

a bright light burned his eyes as he lowered the brightness because he will power through!! but he was being too loud when he was putting in your phone password.

lyney noticed you were waking up, quickly hiding your phone under a pillow case. as you yawned, you turned on the lamp, peeling open your eyes, “…mhmm, hey, lyney why are you up?”

“well, i couldnt sleep.” he replied back, snaking his arms around you. you laugh,

“is anything keeping you up?” funny you ASK, the joker of his heart !! you shifted in your side of the bed, facing his way. “ow, what the hell?” you reached under your pillowcase, “huh, why is my phone here?”

lyney, sweating, “um, maybe you forgot?”

“its even unlocked!”

“woww… wonder how it got there.”

silence filled the air as the both of you just stare at each other. well, he looked at your eyes with unwavering confidence and a midge of fear and you were straining your half asleep eyes at your boyfriend.

“lyney…”

“um… dont know! okay, fine i did it.”

“if you wanted to know, you can.” you handed him your phone, clearly even more suspicious. not really. he really wanted to get into this dark knight hero guy character.

he swiped through and nothing hut a new game. “oh! dont click that…”

“why?” he clicked on it anyway. he was met with kind of realistic men, painting, winking and other actions. its not as bad as he thought. or even, kind of typical girlfriend behavior.

hearing the theme song, you sighed, rubbing your temples. your tone was embarassed, “i.. its an otome game. i thought it would be weird—”

you met eye contact with lyney as you nervously laughed. “because its a dating simulator.”

“huh.”

“yeah…”

you could tell he was processing it in his mind. “wait, youre dating me,”

“yes.”

“and youre playing otome games, which is, dating sims.”

“yes…”

“but youre dating me! not him! ive been feeling neglect lately and you were gone in your prtend world of these…” he looks at the home screen. “very attractive suitors while i waste away to our homelife, trying to be better.”

“good narrative, babe.”

“thank you, i made it on the spot. wait, no, dont distract me!!” he made himself sound serious. “all jokes aside though, im glad it was a game. i thought it was more something serious.”

“such as?”

“like cheating! and i know how that sounds and i know you wouldn’t but the way you acted made it seem bad.”

he saw you load in the information he just gave you and you began to apologize. “dont worry, you just have to pay attention to me and i guess, whoever is on ‘amor and deepabyss’.”

“sounds like a plan!”

#astronetwrk #lyney x reader #lyney x gn reader #genshin impact x you #genshin fluff #genshin impact fanfics #gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact

[rassicas]

can I ask what goes through your head while translating ? like, do you read through the text, understand what it's about, and then start translating it ? or does the understanding happen throughout the process ?

hope you're doing well !!

i like to be open about the fact that im not a fluent JP speaker at all, at this point im like... intermediate at most. this isnt me trying to be humble or whatever i am Serious. the only reason ive translated so much splatoon stuff is because i have enough knowledge to not be stumbling around clueless, and (biggest reason) because almost nobody else was doing it. also its fun to figure out how to convey an idea across different languages.... where differences in culture and the way the language itself works creates these gaps that need to be remedied with a translation note or a looser translation/localization... i got a degree in lingusitics i think this shit is incheresting i still got plenty of gaps in my grammar/vocab/kanji knowledge, but im literate enough to get the main ideas of a passage. occasionally ill be able to fully understand it without checking a dictionary or anything and then i type up a translation. but often times the understanding is something that happens throughout the process. process is as follows: parse text to the best of my own abilities. If i'm confident i can read it ill just type up the translation. if i cant fully comprehend it all... ->if its text in a book or something, use google translate's scan function to get a digital transcription -> fix transcription if there's issues -> run text through both deepL and jisho.org. DeepL is much better than google translate at making intelligible auto translations, but it sometimes gets overconfident. sometimes i can understand what a sentence is getting at but im not sure how to neatly convey it in english, and then it's like. wow the machine did it for me. -> cross check the auto translation with the original JP text. again, i'm not fluent, but i can read enough to know what all the parts of the sentence are, and i can tell where exactly the machine translation messed up -> if i dont like how the machine structured a sentence ill rewrite it -> if there's words, idioms, grammar points etc. that i'm unsure about, i'll look into them further on jisho or find more information elsewhere online

tldr my japanese is pretty Mid but im good at researching

#asks #long post #teehee i like to ramble on #im going to language school right now i wanna git gud for Real

[reverieaa]

Hi! I'm the same anon as last one who read your 'Change of clothes' (can I be your anon? i'll take any emoji)

So I had a spiritual epiphany which was sparked this morning after going through my notes of states posts (yours as well as @neobora and @remcycl333) and I wanted to share. I think the non-duality concepts finally tied in for me.

This is my epiphany:

I think the true purpose of manifesting as humans is to realise our true selves as infinite beings. To remember & reclaim our limitless power and transcend from the limitations and illusions of the material world we were born into. When you truly understand the law and can practice it well, you are no longer a slave to the material world and its rules. You are unshakeable because you know you are far greater than this temporary shadow. You realised the truth that your reality is whatever you choose it to be, through your awareness. And the process of coming to this realisation, of reclaiming our power, is the awakening & liberation itself. The desire for material things was only the carrot on the stick that led us to learn to manifest, to exercise our power, never the true end goal. The true reward is knowing we are God. We always were and always will be but we needed to remember. And this is how.

Thank you again for your lovely posts. I never thought I'd finally 'get' states but I think I do now. I now read loa posts out of interest & as a reminder of my own power, no longer looking for *the* thing that's finally going to get me what I want. It's always only ever been within me. I can't look outside to fulfill it.

Funny thing is I actually manifested through states a year ago with a few things I didn't care about. I was like 'oh I'll give what I read a try" without any expectations and I realise now I executed it perfectly. The reason I overconsumed, spiralled and couldn't persist when it came to "big" desires is because I was still identifying with the outer man in the material world which falsely believed that it had to work hard to get "big" things it wanted (hence thinking I had to constantly be thinking or doing something about it like doing methods & routines to have it); I hadn't actually realised my true self and true power and identified with it.

Now I know it's accepting that state of being within you, identifying with your inner self (the infinite being) and dismissing the shadow that the 3D is. I also want to credit/give a shoutout to this reddit user Own_Ad7567 who is a shifter as they contributed to my eventual epiphany. I realised shifting is the same essence of what is talked about here, it was very fresh, interesting & eye opening to read about the law framed in yet another way. Their post 'For those who struggle with doubts and focus problems' in particular is really good but all their posts were fun to read! They said:

"Understand that your 3d, or physical reality (basically what you perceive around you) is the least real part of reality. It is just a projection of the 4d. Like a cinema: what happens on the screen is just a projection. If you want to change what's being projected on the screen, dont focus on changing the screen, change the film and the screen is quickly going to be showing something different

I know on loablr the most used analogy was the mirror & face but it never really clicked for me until I read that! And then afterwards I read @neobora's 'Through a different lens' post & it just solidified my understanding.

Wow I'm amazed at how long this post is. Maybe it will help someone else too. Thank you again for your writing all those posts and answering all the asks. I still haven't read most of it but that's just how impactful your posts are. I gained a lot of clarity just from reading a few. I am truly grateful to you, @neobora, @remcycl333, Own_Ad7567 and everyone who shares their understanding of the law. Thank you guys!

You are absolutely amazing, anon! Thank you for your kind and sweet words, and your wisdom. I hope this helps sb put there too and I'm certain that it will. I'm seeing it more and more everyday in this community, despite us having upset and downs. I'm proud that you've finally reached peace in your journey like this, and I'm honored that you let me be part of it, along with the other bloggers

You can be my anon is you wish, I'm not very active here but would it be ok for now if you went by an initial or nickname?

#law of assumption #affirm and persist #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard #3d #affirmations #loa #loa methods #void state

[aropride]

listened to a podcast from tumblr ceo matt mullenweg abt his plans for tumblr and such and wrote down some quotes i found Interesting . (some are not word for word bc auditory processing + memory etc but i tried to stick to what he said as much as i could)

(on being ceo of a social network) "it is as hard as being the leader of a country"

"it needs to do a good job at showing you things you want to see- so both the people you follow but maybe also exposing you to new things you don't know about yet"

"people want their own home on the web, they want it to be something reflects them, not the needs of an advertiser"

"how do we make this amazing and really give the tumblr community what they deserve, and also give the world an alternative from these closed-proprietary advertisement-driven social networks?"

"you can have custom themes, you can customize it every little bit .. what we wanna do is making it be the best of both worlds, giving you the full customization that u currently have on tumblr, that u also have on wordpress, but still provide a streamlined interface, particularly on mobile ... you kind of move in and out of that full customization"

"that's ultimately what we're about, is giving power in the hands of users"

"what people really want isnt what they say they want ... its kind of like expressed preferences vs stated preferences ... thats probably why [other social medias] dont give u total control over ur algorithm"

"i want to have a path where you can start with, call it 'just' a tumblr ... but if you want to turn that into an e-commerce store, or customize it in a different way, or build a newsletter, or a mailing list, or create a membership site- these are all things that are supported by wordpress today"

"tumblr's userbase are primarily young .. more women than men which isnt common in technology .. its a very safe place and vibrant community for lgbt+, i think its over a quarter of the userbase.. kind of a place for art and artists"

"how do we make that a path to the wordpress open source community ... excited about ..bringing a younger demographic into wordpress"

"[the amount of new users from twitter/reddit are] less than you would think in the long term"

(to reddit/twt migrants) "give us feedback! what do you miss from the old thing when you move over?"

"i'd definitely like it to be as big as twitter or instagram"

"for tumblr for example i think [AI] could make our developers a lot more productive, their coding could be checked/tested by ai, .. that'll allow us to do a lot more .. maybe our pace of development could increase."

"ai can be a huge help in assisting on moderation, if it could help flag things before people even report them, that someone could look at and review."

"the algorithm [for the feed/dashboard] is a form of ai- its really machine learning, people use the terms interchangeably- if we could make the feed a lot better, we could tweak it and really learn the things u want to see and the people u want to follow"

"it could provide some really cool tools, when u think of the generative ai stuff, whether its dall-e or midjourney. so much of what people do on tumblr is expressing art and creativity, and theres some people who are resistant to this, but im actually hearing far more artists that are like 'wow! this is another tool in my toolbox!' its not just like using it instead of doing ur work, it's helping with the first draft, or helping u come up with new ideas, or maybe accelerating part of a workflow. so i see it like a new type of paintbrush, or new colors they can use. they see it as a new way to express their creativity. to me that's also the future. .. just like any other tool, like when we moved from typewriters to word processors."

(asked if generative AI worries him) "bad actors using ai to do more bad things .. that's definitely smth that's gonna happen, that's true with any new technology. if u rob a bank before, u used to have to get away on a horse, now you can get away on a car [laugh]. so like, think of it like that. we don't say "oh, banks are gonna be robbed so much more cuz now people can drive away faster". the good guys have cars too, so the police have cars .. it becomes something that is part of society .. there's more good people than bad people"

#text

[midnight-pluto]

COFFEE: special.02 — fun facts

COFFEE: tim drake x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: Tim meets a barista that gives him what he needed most — a large coffee with way to many shots of espresso. Though what happens when just a single action changes the other's life, forever?

coffee master list

assuming you have gone through the whole of my coffee smau — here’s some things that you might’ve not known, my headcanons, and external info

PLAYLIST: coffee — i made a playlist that i think fit this smau or just tim in general, so feel free to listen

coffee pg.00 was originally meant to just be a one-shot but I had the bright idea to turn it into a smau since I had been really interested in them at the time and I had already created the main casts profiles so i saw no reason to not go through with it

originally reader was supposed to be adopted and have 2 moms but I didn’t know if you guys would necessarily want that or how relatable that would be so I scrapped it and went with unnamed overbearing mother and father

i actually had this idea back in December of 2022 and meant to post it on wattpad yes ik laugh at me but i didn’t have the guts to do so and I already had a lot of unfinished work that will remain unfinished

this smau also sprouted up bcuz i had gotten back into the dc rabbit hole bcuz if this goddamn site which has now grown to be a huge source of dopamine for me — ik it prob isn't healthy but this site has grown to be a safe space for me in the process so any negative infringement on my blog has me in a nervous wreck for days on end; yes, this is a reference to when i got shadowbanned for a bit

wow i got way to personal there, whoopsie

I had also originally planned for reader to give Tim a sticky note attached to his coffee that said something along the lines of: “Good luck with whatever you need 8 shots of espresso for :)” but I for some reason didn’t so the special note at the end of the pages didn’t rlly make any sense

tim might be a genius but he has a terrible sense of direction which is multiplied tenfold when he’s sleep deprived, hence why he almost dropped you off at the wrong apartment once — pg.04

duke being readers bsf happened cuz i personally believe duke deserves more content about him

duke also always somehow manages to be the message bird whenever both you and tim have a fight given how tim's first resort is the silent treatment and you're petty enough to give it back so the most the two of you ever communicate during that time is through duke — pg.15

on that same note harley has become your couple counselor which always manages to become awkward due to the sole fact tim is trying his best to subtly glare at harley since she has repeatedly tried to break his kneecaps when he was on red robin duty; again, petty

this was written by a person who has never worked at a coffee shop before so if you see and inaccuracies and have worked at one, feel free to call me out on it — not so i can fix, but bcuz i find my mistakes hilarious dont ask why, i just do

i still struggle on how i format the titles of the pages and always have to look back on my previous posts to remember how i typed things out

i also suck at developing feelings and crushes with characters so if it seems rushed or sucks that will be my one and only excuse given the fact that i find it extremely hard to even gain a crush irl

nothing was proofread

tims favorite taylor swift album is evermore i may or may not make seperate headcanons about that later

planning on posting a wattpad version of this fic sometime around late january or february, i am still debating on starting an ao3 acc since the only thing i ever do on there is simply just read fics and im not sure if i like/understand ao3's format enough to start tho

TAGLIST: @grandstrangerphantom @marsbars09 @fabitheraven @lovelypitasworld @dyjcksn @mae77eris @sugarrush-blush @djchik @soundsfunbutno @apizzacalledmel @strangetrashblog @cipheress-to-k-pop @harleycao @unhingedtimdrake @a-homosexual-homosapien @aquarii-doodles @love-stay @criminallycan @hecate-frenchfries @job-ross-the-second

#coffee ☕️ - tim drake #tim drake x reader #tim drake x gender neutral reader #coffee shop au #tim drake x y/n #tim drake x you #batfam x you #batfam x y/n #batfamily x reader #batfam x reader #batfam #batfamily #tim drake

[hero-next-door]

Defending Nathan

(From Every Accusation)

All fact proven & common sense theory

No bullshit.

I suck at grammar. Deal with it.

I've replayed the game far too many times to gather this. I read into everything and even read into and WATCHED people who have suffered the same mental illness and situations Nathan has been in.

What I'll be covering:

Illness, rib breaking, dead animals, bdsm, Chloes pic, Rachel, gun on campus, Kate, Pompidou, Jefferson, wealth and his father.

And dont even THINK about skiping ahead!

Everything here is tied into one another. Read from start to finish. You're on this post to understand right? Or to argue? Im not here to argue so, bye.

Lets start from the top...

Nathans downfall was caused by society and all who failed him. He's driven by hatred of others who don't understand him and the game purposly wrote him off that way. They want players to hate him from what sides of the stories we've experienced. They gave this character controversial hobbies and a cynical bully attitude to really keep you suspecting him and not guessing Jefferson. The game isn't about Nathan. Its about Max. We learn so much about Max and everyone close to her. The tears they shed, the pains they've endorsed. Same with Chloe and Rachel's story. My heart goes out to all of them. We don't get to see that with other characters, therefore we don't care for them...or that's the games intentions. We don't know the ins and outs of Nathan. Only what the game shows us which are all negative. So of course disliking Nathan is only reasonable.

Mental Illness

We start with mental illness. He has Psychosis. Lots of proof, but i'm assuming you've seen it all already. Do people know what Psychosis is? Like do they REALLY know what it is? Because this ALONE changes everything. And not Psychopathy ..Psychosis. Two different things pookie. Psychopathy is the one where part of the brain is missing or disturbed. THEY'RE the ones that don't have empathy. Psychosis is different. Anybody can get it. This illness can take your empathy and awarness away then bring it all back after the harm is done, leaving you to process that. Schizo and Bipolar are also all quite a handful to deal with too. Loud Noises/downgrading voices in your head SO LOUD that people will do anything to calm them. (Dont be shy, youtube: "28- Psychotic Episode" by Collège d'Alma) The feeling of loosing your mind is something I notice a lot of haters dont empathize on especially if they killed or hurt sombody. The brain slips into a state so disconnected that interviews with recovering patients I've seen describe it as confusing and scary and dont recall saying the stories they told and actions they did others. Imagine not being able to remember the hurtful things you've said and done. Imagine being told you killed sombody...with your own hands? And you can hardly remember what happened. Like... how would you react? Think about it. Anybody can get psychosis with enough trauma or a kick in the noggin. Some people that were interviewed that had psychosis said that they found relief when getting high or drunk. Little did they know the symptoms could bounce back up to 5x during withdraw. But they were so desperate to get rid of the voices they abused the drugs. Like....wow the game really did their research to create such a complicated character. Anyway..moving on.

Now lets break down everything else...

Shooting Chloe

Just rewatch it. Aims gun, Chloe pushes him, it tightens grip, ACCIDENTLY shoots her, immediately drops gun and gets really scared of he's done, checking to see if shes alive! If you specifically rewatch the ending of Lis1 when Chloe gets shot, they extend his reaction. He goes back and forth checking her body. If he wanted to kill her, you check pulse then run. Not sticking around crying about it. There's your empathy you're all saying he doesnt have. Other times where he could have showed more empathy ties with his Psychosis. Some people with the illness said that the voices loudly in their head will convince them that everyone around you is your enemy. Everyone is after you. It can twist your brain to feel anger and fear towards others. Nathan is always hung up on how everyone is using him and trying to control him. Which people ..DO use him. So now hes convinced that everyone is. He's not choosing to feel this way. He just needs psychiatric help.

Breaking Ribs

In Before The Storm his entire demeanor is completely different than the Lis 1. He's more cowardly and not loud and aggressive. We'll be mentioning his creepy "pervy" binder, later. Nathan isn't violent until the end IF you let Nathan get bullied and push his life the negative direction. Sure its not Chloe's responsibility but this is the game's way of showing you his downfall. We need to remember the game hides scenes and expect you to make up what happened behind the scenes. He broke Samantha's ribs over ..what? Shes always so desperate to defend Nathan and even gets upset with Chloe when she doesn't help. So if you tell her the wrong option to pressure kindness into Nathan it results in him breaking ribs. How though? Haters immediately hop on and say cause hes a mean and abusive non-empathic nut head. You sure he didnt just push her away and her clumsiness just fell over? She did say she was clumsy. You don't think she wouldnt have tried to hug or touch him in anyway. Ok ok...calm down... lets take a step back.. You get this "breaking ribs" ending from letting Nathan get bullied and embarrass himself during the play that his father pressured him about! Adding a little "..fuck you.." to the audience. Showing his start to his villian career and the start of him hating everyone and you tell Samantha to go hug him!? This is the start of his mental spiral if you let things play out this way. But hurting her with intention? No. Lets tie this in with the other endings to their relationship. You get the clumsy one. She hurts herself differently and Nathan is with her in the hospital. Saying how he feels bad that she got hurt. (empathy bell) And they continue yo talk about her photo or whatever. Tie this with the rib one, tie this with the Chloe getting shot incident and tie this with his mental illness. Come on do i gotta spell it out for you.. Hurting someone is not what he attends to do. Like he quotes in his voice mail. (Speaking of that voice mail, empathy bell.) He does get angry at Samantha and hurts her and we as players dont know the full story. But what was playing in his head seconds before and the entirety of the game that lead up to this IS the reason why he accidentally hurts her. Getting her away was his goal, not breaking ribs! And then.. The good ending. Him sitting beside her smiling. Oh wait! Hes a little psycho with no human emotion? Psychosis has all parts of the brain attached, pookie. For most cases, It can be cured and helped. I can get it, YOU can get it. He has human emotions when he is at his very rare peaceful moments like with this good ending, when with Victoria ig and other scenes we tend to forget. Because painting him as the villian was the games goal. Jefferson was the plot twist.

Daddy Issues, Smug talk and a Gun on campus

Simple guys. Simple. You represent this school. You represent our name. This is a legacy. You will not embarrass me. This isn't about you or your problems!

Sure YOU wouldn't crumble under that pressure but Nathan sure did. Sure child abuse isn't an excuse to "kill" people. But is it the child's fault? Sean-beanbag prescott should be arrested for not taking his boy to the asylum. Instead he argues with a doctor!? Goofy bro. But so many people are fueled with anger towards Nathan Instead. Its whatever. Prescott literally being his name was already a red flag to other characters and chose to hate and bully him over it. Drew hated for what his FATHER did. Nathan did ..what again? Notice how that "rich Malfoy talk" wasnt really present in Before The Storm. Sure he tried to burn Drew with a family financial situation insult but the "Im rich, my father owns everything, I got a lawyer, money this and that" wasn't in his character in the Before the Storm. I believe being a prescott wasn't really in his future goals and he wasnt ever really passionate about it. Its all in the annoyance in his tone with his father before the play. Lis1 he uses it so oftenly to show that hes the boss and in control. Hes Influenced by representation for his family/school, wealth, intimidation, and of course hatred and believing everyone hates him. In his mind everyone is against him, after him and wanting to use him. Again, he doesn't choose to think this way. Let me explain my last sentence clearly though. Imagine being surrounded by a ton of people. All their attention is on you. They hate who you are. They talk about you. You have a defensless stomach sinking feeling and scared because all these people surrounding you, are looking at you and all your insecurities and laughing at you. Well..obviously some of that is not going on in reality. But to Nathan, that IS his reality and he has no control over it. Anyways I shouldn't have to keep explaining mental illness and how it stresses the brain. Bottom line is, His status and waving a gun around is what he thinks keep others out of his head. He can barley throw a punch. He had to use his head on warren and did you catch when Max hit him in that scene? Dude was literally holding onto his face like he'd been battered. Like she did NOT hit that hard lmao. He's weak. He's always been the same tiny Nathan from before the storm. Just now he uses masks for intimidation to stop his bullies and anyone he thinks is "after him." He never meant to use a gun on anybody, just a threat. During the second scene where warren reunited a head butt with Nathan.. If you pull off warren, he barley even aims the gun when he ran away towards his room. Cowardly. He feels that he has to, to protect himself. He also uses his father as a threat, but clearly that never worked. Also notice him crying when you let Warren get crazy on him? Dudes apologizing and sobing? Guess thats not his first rodeo, rip.

BDSM and Dead Animals

Ok..so hes a little frisky. Y'all need to remember this is a fictional game first, okay? Lol Anyway, I can't defend him much here but I got something. Firstly, the game WANTS you to suspect Nathan. Can't keep his room pretty and pink, they have to make it freaky and spooky. They paint Nathan as the villian for you to only focus on him as a suspect. So that everyones jaws are dropped with Jefferson twirls in.

Well start with the dead animals so you can skip the BDSM part if you want.

There is no proof he hurt animals. Thats not really like him. He does have a list of illness but Psychopathy isn't one of them. Y'all can keep yappin but its not. Clearly NOT one of them. He could have hurt an animal during an unaware episode, but there will not be any awareness behind it. Anyways, there are plenty of artists that do the same thing. Nathan is very passionate about photography and protraying solitary but not in the same way Jefferson does. Jefferson certainly uses that manipulation but we'll get to that later. There are artists that like to shine on death in positive light and in sorrow. There's also beauty in anatomy. Not my cup of tea but someone close to me can name me all kinds of gross organs and would be down to disect any animal. Yuck. But to them.. its fascinating and they are the greatest person in my life. In love and in empathy. (NOT comparing my pookie to Nathan, PAUSE.) In anatomy theres Education and surprise. Death is also a theme and style too. Skulls and gore, super "rad" fukin "knarly."

BDSM Skip to next part if needed

Finally...defending BDSM? This can bring trauma to those who have experienced it negativly or view it negativly. So skip to the Frank defense or read more if you want.

Bdsm relationships are very controversial. Some people see it as unhealthy, abusive and sick. But if you have talked to or listened to other people within these relationships they state that its completely consensual, safe, harmless, a breach of deep trust with their partners and simply a fetish or kink. The goal is to have fun at your limit..not pass the limit. There are twisted people who have broke that barrier and made it not fun and abusive. Thats were I can't argue. If you feel that way towards the topic, I completly empathize with you.

Nathan has shown in his other photos a black and white theme of solitary. And you can tell that he might have took those bdsm photos himself. As the quality is almost like the Pompidou photo. Everyone blends him taking bdsm photos with is angry behavior and "non empathic" demeanor. But this is where I loop back to Before The Storm hugging-my-binder Nathan. Its shown that in one of his endings he took photos of Samantha. Obviously NOT bdsm photos, his binder was a school project. But Samantha obviously consented and Nathan was passionate enough to show her. He sees them as art. Naked girls have been models for sculptures and paintings. Its beauty. Thats IF she was naked in some way in those photos. Which I still doubt. School project. Im sure the photos were gentle and strange and misunderstood and Drew was just in his bully era. His reaction would have been a lot more eye opening if he had a face full of tits or straps. Nathan begged for his binder back and even nervously reacted showing he had love for his work and 'took time with it' (as he quotes when Drew throws it). I bring this up here to show that the women in his photos were indeed given consent and if hes passionate about depicting his art, hurting them wouldn't be on his agenda. As we all learned today that hurting people was never his intentions, until drugs and illness met with pressure and intimidation clouds his brain.

I read up on other artists that painted things similar. In their paintings they expressed dread, vulnerability, feeling traped and ..feeling used. If Nathan did find the images he took arousing, then why would he hang them up like everything else in his room like art? I believe that they're depicted in an artful way and in its black and white shading brings a sad darkness. If its anything like the painters I mentioned, maybe Nathan has a deep level of empathy we don't understand.

Frank and Pompidou

I didn't even know he took a picture of Franks hurt dog in the road because you little freaks threw his treat in the street!? This will also tie in to chloes pic but we'll get to that. Frank first, as its pretty simple. Nathan runs some system with frank. And its pretty obvious its the same thing Drew was doing in Before the storm. Nathan clearly doesn't like it as he finds it controling but getting his hands on drugs is a great way to forget his flaws and calm his illness symptoms. Which only created a loop of his symptoms worsening, as talked about before. His illness is very active towards the end of Before the Storm. You can tell by his huge character difference that drugs only made it worse.

Pompidou is a good dog but just remember he's not the one who hurt him. This ties in with what we explained in the dead animal phase. The Imagine is black and white. Its a strange art most people don't understand. Man, I don't even understand it. But these people aren't heartless and they're simply expressing pain. Or..he took it for the same reason he took Chloes pic. To feel that hes in control, thinking this will help his mental reality of thinking everyone can use him, as explained earlier. But i doubt it. One is in color and Pompidou is not. One is misguided and one is "art."

Jefferson, Rachel, Kate, Chloes pic

If i see one more person throw him in the same trash bin as Jefferson im going to puke. Anyway I've twisted my head around this story so many times, begging to see the bigger picture. No pun attended. Jefferson was pulling the strings all along ..you know that right? If Nathan was never there, Jefferson would have still done his disgusting projects. He certainly brought Victoria over without Nathan's usage. He didn't need Nathan, Nathan just made it easier cause he can easily be manipulated. Making Nathan do it all so the consequences will fall on him. Jefferson is smart and knows the right words to say. Nathan is missing the kindness of a father figure, all he has to do is play with his feelings. Nathan falls too easily to kindness. He felt the kindness of Samantha during the good ending and He felt the kindness from Victoria..but Victoria toxic bully nature wasn't helping. Bottom line is Jefferson easily manipulated him and understood his mental reality and used that against him. Adding thoughts into Nathans head. Jefferson learned to use Nathan's illness to his advantage. Nathan trusted Jefferson as did everyone in that school did. Why on earth would Jefferson wrong him? He looked up to him so when Jefferson slowly brought him into his plans of drugging girls, Nathan thought that it was all ..moral. In reality you and I know obviously thats not okay but to Nathan (and his severe illness) he trusted Jefferson was doing no wrong. We don't understand the mental strain he was under, manipulation goes a long way. Heres how he did it. He probaby said things like 'We are the same Nathan, this is art just like yours.' It starts small, Nathan gets him the drugs. Then he pulls him in, Nathan start drugging the girls for me. Start driving them here. Start helping me inside the dark room. Start helping me inject my victims. Jefferson had so much power over him. He was connected with his father. He can threaten his grade, his representation and his future in art. He knew all the right things to say and do. He knew how his head worked. Clog him up with drugs, keep him quiet. Heal his missing father needs and demand him for your needs. Does this not make Nathan a victim too?

Then ...the Rachel incident happened. Nathan was NOT mentally aware of what he's done. The excited "Rachel!" when he saw Max at the diner clearly shows that he truly expected her to pull up. This mixes with the symptoms we've discussed. He only remembers bits and pieces as obviously it was beyond traumatizing. Sending him in an insane spiral and the infamous psychosis drawing. (Don't be afraid, google psychosis drawings. Damn. Just imagine you recovered from psychosis and laying eyes on that and not remembering you drew that..ugh...I'd cry.) Someone with Psychopathy wouldnt feel traumatized from such events, debunking the fact everyone thinks Nathan has Psychopathy. He doesn't have Psychopathy, he has psychosis. Moving on. Jefferson was certainly angry with him and drugged Nathan himself after the incident which really helped Nathan to forget what he's done. But Jefferson's anger and not talking to him tore him apart. His emotional attachment clearly wasn't having it. The note he wrote Jefferson in desperate attempt to bring him back after ruining Jefferson plans goes to show just how much he wants that sense of being cared for. If only it was someone else that wasnt Jefferson ..or his dad can do is fucking job too.

Alcohol was certainly a great method of forgetting what he did. So then comes Chloes interaction with him. We know the story. He did not SA her, I can say that right here and now. Nothing like that was behind this. You can tell by the way Chloe presented the story to Max, there wasn't an uncomfortable tone to her story. She didn't seem traumatized but more shocked and "it was pretty crazy." She also wasn't drugged for that long, she woke up very soon, fully clothed. What obviously happened is that Nathan used this to feel in control like mentioned way above. Drugs and Psychosis is no joke. Who knows what hell is playing in his mind but I unfortunately believe that this was to try to win back Jefferson. He had been angry at him and ignoring him and even tho he hates drugging, his confusion and drunk state led him to this. He's cowardly and his mind is slipping and tries to do what he thinks is right for him. He's misguided and lead down the wrong path.

Nathan did not SA Kate! Kate story breaks my heart into a million pieces but if she was SA-ed, it wasn't Nathan. After everything I said above you can tell that, that isnt in his character. But here I want bring up the voicemail. Nathan claims multiple times that he never wanted to hurt anybody, implying that he felt forced to do harm. Something he DID NOT want to do. Why on earth would anybody have felt forced to SA somebody!? I'm not saying Kate WASN'T SA-ed as I can only assume maybe the boys she was shown with in the video did something or Jefferson. Victoria was Kates bully!!! Nathan wanted to be liked by Victoria and was influenced by her nature. He's desperate for attention and kindness. Victoria did far more to hurt Kate and her reason as to why was shit. You go THAT FAR to one up your photography game. Girl, bye. She spread that video and she still has empathy too? Her regretting everything? Did she reallyy regret? Or she wanted to make herself look good for her representation? She showed regret via text message in Before The Storm too? She doesn't have a mental illness but the game gave her an act of forgiveness and used her as a victim so the audience will sympathize with her. Goes to show you the game controls what they want you to feel. If they were to do that with Nathan..would opinons be different? Taking us into his mind and how he sees the world around him. They could have..but didnt. Well.. We have the voicemail but obviously that didnt stop the haters. It's unfortunate. But the game gave me just enough little clues for me to shine light on in this post. They put so much into his character but never showed the audience the truth.

Conclusion

What we've learned today is that Nathan isn't the villian you think. He's been manipulated, used and needs mental help but im sure my old Nathan-defending friends have said this time and time again. Im here to add something....

Its been PROVEN that he's capable of all human emotions, you just refuse to believe it because you're mistaking his illness and claiming all of this was intentional. Psychosis can be temporary. Its a like a hand that steals your common sense, feelings, empathy, sympathy and you're only left with acting on pure chaos and negative or fearful emotions. After long treatment your sense of reality returns, your feelings, your empathy, your sympathy.. And all you have now is guilt and regret and self blame that you hurt somebody. If you let Nathan kill Chloe, he is arrested. He had doctors aware of his illness and would have been charged with illness in mind. Forcing the treatment he needed ages ago. By the time Lis 2 came out...I wonder how he's taking it all in? What he did to everyone, what he did to Rachel.

He was written off to die, be locked up and blamed. Unfortunately he was caught in the crossfires of the harm of our favorite characters. If he was born in a different family and away from Jeff, he would have never hurt anybody. Matter a fact, he would never have suffered with his listed mental illnesses.

This goes out to all real accidental murder cases. There will always be a great divide in opinions. I hate comparing fictional games with real life but I find it crazy that we call others nonempathtic when they aren't empathic themselves. Its like the word "accidental" is worthless.

Its always a debate..

Do we feel bad for the lives lost and their families

or

Do we feel bad for the mental crumble of the one who never meant to kill and how their familes have to deal with that.

Are they worthy to walk this earth? Are they worthy to see the daylight again? Are they still human too? Should they die too? Is redemption possible?

Who knows. Peoples opinions wont change unless them, themselves fall onto the opposing team. If they were to suffer the chaos of accidentally murdering someone or the greif of loosing someone from an accidental murder.

#nathanprescott #nathan prescott #life is strange #life is strange before the storm #life is strange nathan #Life is strange nathan prescott #Defending nathan #Defending nathan prescott #Redeeming nathan prescott #grahamscott #Warrenxnathan #Scottfield #mental health #mental illness

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Vol:21, Discussing Nouteikarano2.

(LONG POST* Starts with with Hanshin talk, but leads into very interesting talk about Kaoru's artistic process)

K: Ok, here we go, this is the Freedom of Expression. I'm Kaoru from Dir en grey. 

J: And I'm Joe Yokomizo, not Miura Jun. 

K: Haha

T: Im Tasai from Tokyo Sports. 

J: Ok, so here we are again...Kaoru, you must be happy about that thing, right? 

T: Oh, THAT, right?

J: Yeh, that! 

K: You keep saying 'that'. 

J: Say it yourself then!

K: That pineapple thing?

J: No, no. 

T: Yes, yes, it is that!

J: Eh? Is it?? I dont even know the details!

T: Haha 

J: Look, they know what 'THAT' is in the comments! 

K: Its the pineapple thing. 

T: Yep 

J: Eh?! Whats the pineapple thing? Is that right??....Ok, yeahhh, the pineapple thing!! 

K, T: Hahaha 

J: Congratulations! *applause*

K: Yeah, congratulations. 

J: The Hanshin Tigers won at last! They conquered the Central League! Is that the expression people use?

K: Yes, thats right. 

J: Congratulations! *applause*

T: Its the first time in 18 years, right? 

J: What were you doing at that moment?

K: I was watching it...Uh, we it got into the bottom of the ninth innings, I was thinking OMG! I was getting really excited, like OMGOMG! 

J, T: Hahaha 

K: But then Sakamoto got a home run, and I suddenly got really calm, like, 'oh wow'...and when they won, I was like, 'Okay, good job!'. Haha

J: You calmed yourself down for the actual moment?

K: Yeah 

J: Someone asked, 'Did you cry?'

K: A little bit, a few tears of joy. 

J: Well, you would shed a tear after 18 years. 

T: Of course you would. 

K: Yeah. 

J: So what happens after this? I have no idea how it works. 

K: Well, the Climax series starts soon, and if they get through that, they will go onto the Nihon series. 

J: Ah, after 18 years..

K: Its true that they actually won the Central League, but I never thought they would, haha. Even up until the last minute, other teams' fans were certain Hanshin would win this, but it was only the Hanshin fans going, 'Ahh, still not sure' Haha. Something was bound to get in the way. 

T: Haha 

J: Haha, in the bottom of your heart, you really don't trust them, do you? You love them, but you can't trust them.

K: Haha, something could come along and knock them down at the last minute.

J: Well, I guess no-one knows when the team in second place will catch up. That could even be the Hanshin Tigers, right?

T: There was one point where they were about level with Hiroshima, but began taking the lead again after that. 

K: Yeah, the same happened with DeNa too, but then they ran away with the lead. 

T: They did. 

K: September was incredible. They had 11 wins in a row. 

J: It might be unlucky to say this? But will they be ok getting to the Nihon series? Haven‘t they used up all their success already? 

K: Yeah, at the moment they are on a downward spiral...but they did actually win today's game. 

J: But they are only throwaway matches now, right? So it doesn't matter. 

K: Yeah, but there is still the players' individual stats to consider. 

J: Oh, leader titles? 

K: Yeah, and they really should try to keep up their form to suceed in the next stages. 

J: I see, so they need to remain vigilant, but for now at least the fans can shed a few relieved tears at this 18 year in the waiting win. 

K: Yes. So, as for next month....next month is the Climax series. I think it starts on the 18th, right? If it all goes as normal, Hanshin should have three games on the 18th, 19th, and 20th. If they win those, they will get to the Nihon series. BUT...if they end up with a 4th match on the 21st, we will watch it live here. 

J, T: Ohh!

*applause*

J: Hang on though, what if they don't have a 4th match?? 

K: In that case we could just celebrate them getting to the Nihon series, or play baseball themed games or something. haha. 

T: Well, yeah, it will be a celebration. 

K: If there is no Hanshin game on that day, that means they already won the Climax series, so I'm honestly quite happy even if there is no game that day. 

J: It has nothing to do with this show really, right? Haha 

T: Thats right. 

K: I just want them to win. 

J: Yeah, thats your first priority. So that is the plan for the October broadcast anyway. Will they make it through the next series? Who knows? But everyone, keep your hopes up. Ok, so we are still requesting questions and comments from viewers. If you have any thoughts, requests, ideas, anything...please write them in the comments section. Twitter users can....Oh its not called twitter anymore, is it? X users can post with the hashtag TFOE. So, this show is free for everyone during the first half, but the second half is for members only. If you become a member, you can watch this in the archives for a year, and also enjoy a members only video in the coming days. You can become a member using the link which is at the top of your screens now, Leader point to it please. So please do join and enjoy the show to the end. Ok, so before we get onto the main talk, does everyone remember us going to Shimokitazawa last time? Did you all watch it? We are currently taking entries from channel members to win these viewer presents! Here they are! First is a Phalaris LP signed by Kaoru. And next is Björk's album Biophilia, which Kaoru selected at Disc Union.

K: Tasai, can you get Björk to sign this for us?

T: Eh?!! How?? Where even is she now??

K: Hahaha! 

J: You could ask Hiranabe to do his gyōza signature on it?

T: Haha yeh. 

J: There might be someone out there who wants Hiranabe's Björk gyōza signature! Anyway, we will give these away, so if you want either of these please go to the show's blog and place your entry. That's the Phalaris LP and also Biophila by Björk, as chosen by Kaoru. Ok, now for today's talk....Was it running until yesterday? Yes, thats right, today its a special broadcast to talk about Kaoru's art exhibition, Nouteikarano2! *applause* I think a lot of you probably went to see it. Thank you to everyone who did. There may be many people who couldn't make it due to their schedule though, so Leader, can you tell us what kind of exhibition it was? Give us the basics. Oh, someone commented, 'It was great!' Thank you! Oh, and 'I went!'

K: Thank you. Well, 4 years ago I put on an exhibition of representations of the dark dreams I had when I was a kid, and this time was a kind of imagining of the continuation of those dreams. Thats the idea I started with. But at the same time, these images are still just coming naturally out of my head, the same place they came from last time. So thats why I decided to use the same title, Nouteikarano. 

J: So, you held the exhibition in Tokyo and Osaka this time?

K: Yes

J: How was that? Was there anything you were particularly conscious of by holding it in two locations?

K: Well, in Tokyo, as well as the art, there was a display of various items from my past, things I used when I was a kid etc. Those teru teru bōzus were there too. So I displayed these to show some of my personal things along with my art. The Osaka venue was really small, so I just displayed the art there, but it was a chance to see the art at much closer range than in Tokyo. 

J: I see, so with the larger capacity in Tokyo, you were able to show some of those memories. And as Osaka was so small, you could get a close range view?

K: Yes. 

J: Both myself and Tasai visited the Tokyo exhibition, didn't we? Tasai what did you think? 

T: I couldn't believe how much Kaoru revealed. It wasn't Kaoru from that band, it was Kaoru the person. With those toys and things, I thought it was very revealing. It was exciting. Like, a strange kind of excitement. Joe, what did you think? 

J: Well, we are gonna talk about which pieces we liked later, but...of course I went to see the first Noiteikarano too, and I saw the high quality of work then. But this time it seemed to be on a much deeper level. It felt overwhelmingly deep. We'll have a look soon, but I couldn't get the images out of my head, they had a big impact on me. If any of the viewers went, please write your thoughts and impressions in the comments too. Ok, so moving on, next myself and Tasai will be asking Kaoru a few questions about Nouteikarano2, but if viewers have questions, please send them too.  That goes for both people who have seen the paintings and for people who haven't. We'll be happy to take your questions. Ok, Tasai! What do you want to ask first?

T: Hmm, should we take a look at the photos? 

J: Ok, lets first look at photos of the venue. 

T: This is Tokyo? 

K, J: Yes. 

T: People in Osaka may not have seen this yet. 

K: Yeah, so this is what you saw as soon as you entered. 

J: When choosing the venue, you have to think about how the art will appear in the place, right?

K: Yeah

J: Im sure you checked out a few different venues this time, but it was quite interesting entering this particular venue. 

K: Well, it was underground, down that narrow staircase, haha. 

J: Yes, its like it was hidden, or a secret den or something. Going down there was almost like a ritual to enter Kaoru's mind. Ah, someone commented, 'The lighting was cool'. 

T: Someone is asking how you figured out the order in which to display them. 

K: Well, I had a fixed order pretty much prepared in advance, but unless you actually put them in place, you can't know how well it will work. For example, with that painting on the right of the photo, I originally planned to hang paintings on either side of it too. But it didn't quite work out in reality, so I left it as one. You really have to test it out to know if it will work. I went there with an idea of the order, but I didn't know how it would go till I tried it. 

J: It depends on the type of wall too probably. 

K: As for deciding what to include in the space, this is what I came up with.

J: Ahh, can we look at another photo? 

K: Ok, so this is if you turn left from the first photo. 

J: Yeah, I think we'll take a look at individual paintings soon, but those two red and green paintings at the far left side, did you paint those while I was there? 

K: No no, those were there from the start. Can you see that tiny one above those two? I painted that in the venue. All the others shown there were there from the start. 

J: I see, only that small one at the top, between the red and green ones. It seems like the viewers understand. 

K: Can you see those small squares under the red and green ones? The tshirt im wearing is from those. 

J: Oh, I see....So that area on the left out of shot is where you were doing your live painting?

K: Yes 

J: Were you there the whole time? No? Just sometimes?

K: Sometimes I went, sometimes I didn't. 

J: You were painting there, right? 

K: Wasn't I painting while you were there?

J: When I got there, you were in that area, but you came out to talk to me when you saw me. There was an unfinished painting on your desk, it looked like you were in the middle of painting. So, I thought 'Ahh, this is where he paints them'. 

T: Someone commented 'The live painting was amazing!' 

J: Ah, now we are getting these kind of comments. Ok, lets see the next photo. 

T: Is this the entrance? 

K: Well, after you get inside there was the merch corner, and this wall kinda lead to that. On the otherside of this wall was all my stuff. 

J: Ah, your childhood things etc. Did you draw all this on the wall while you were there? 

K: Yeah, we actually made this wall. So it was ok to draw on it. We've already torn this down. 

J: No way!

K: Yeah, we were gonna discard it anyway, so it was ok to draw on it. 

J: Someone commented, 'The drawings increased day by day'. Ah, that means it looked a lot different on the first and last days. Agh, you already discarded it?? People are saying they want it! 

K: Isn't it too big?

J: Well, I mean, you could cut it up and make it into NFTs or something? Ah, a comment saying you should make it into a present. Hey, I want you to come to my home and draw art on the walls!

K: Really?? You'll let me draw anything, right? 

J: No, not ANYTHING...

K: Hahaha 

T: No no, you have to let the artists follow their inspiration! 

J: Yeah thats true, but I know he would end up pranking me. Like, what if just he drew loads of dicks or something?? 

K: Haha, just let me draw anything I like!

J: No no, not ANYTHING. This is my home! Draw something that would impress any women I bring over, that kind of thing. Not just ANYTHING. 

K: Haha 

T: Hey, do those mouth/face characters have a name? 

K: No, I just tried drawing one, and it turned out quite fun, so I drew a bunch of them. 

J: Ahh, I see. Actually, how many paintings were there in total? 

K: *counts in head* Hmm, maybe 15 or 16. It might be more, if you include the small ones. 

J: Ah, someone said there were 18 in Osaka. We spoke about this before, but this time there were more bigger paintings compared to last time, right? 

K: Yes 

J: Also, how long did it take you to paint them?

K: Well, I first started painting the big pieces in February this year. And then I was finished them in June. So I finished them then, and worked on the smaller and medium sized ones around the same time. 

T: How do you actually get a painting started? What goes through your head before you make the first brush stroke? 

J: Ah, yeh! Cause we only see the finished product, right? 

K: Well, nothing specific. If I'm using a white canvas, I will usually cover it all black first. And then I will apply white over that and do the actual painting on that. In that way, the black comes through in sections where I erase any parts, and gives it a kind of hazy effect. It makes it more atmospheric than just painting on the bare canvas. So yes, I usually start by covering it black. 

J: Well, you did explain some of the pieces to me, but when you start, do you have a vision of what you want it to look like when its finished, or any kind of rough sketch? 

K: No. If I did, I'd just end up following that, and it would get boring.   

J: So, its not the case that having a rough sketch beforehand allows you to easily see when you've finished? 

K: No, you'd just be following the sketch, it wouldn't be exciting at all. 

J: I see, it would be more like completing a job, and less like a creative challenge. 

T: Conversely, how do you know when you've finished a piece?

K: Like, 'This'll do'... haha 

J: So you feel that moment? You don't feel like painting any more after that? 

K: Wel, I can..but usually its just like, 'Hmm, this is about right'. 

T: Are there any similarities to song writing?

K: Well, with songwriting the other members are there, I can check with them, and ask what they think. Here, its just me, so I just think to myself, 'Hm, I think its done'. I'm free to go in whichever direction I choose with this too. 

J: Some of the pictures have titles too, right? Do the titles correlate (*J uses the word 相関性 for this*) with the images?...I mean, I guess they do, right? 

K: What does 相関性 mean? 

J: Like, do the titles have meaning in relation to the pictures? 

K: Yes, they do. I wasn't intending to use titles at all at first...but then when I saw the finished art...Words create a lot of bias though, right? They pull you in their direction. 

J: At what stage did you create the titles?

K: Right at the end, some of them only just in time. 

T: Can we see another photo? Ah, this is the painting titled 'Doko made mo'. It really does seem difficult finding the words to describe this. 

K: Yeah 

J: Yeah, a name can pull you one way, and it can exclude other interpretations. 

T: Next photo, how do you read this title? 

K: This is 'Matsuretsu no yukue' (末列のゆくえ) 

T: I like this one. 

J: Its mainly monotone, but there is a splash of colour there too. 

T: Kaoru, I wanted to ask if there is any meaning behind the way you use red and green in your art? 

J: Yeah, in the eyes of Kaoru, what are colours? 

K: Hm, there isn't really any meaning behind the colours. They just somehow...

T: They just appear from you?

K: Hmm, yeah. There is no special meaning behind different colours. 

J: A comment asks 'Where does the last row begin from?' The left or right side? (*Im not sure of the translation of 末列/matsurestu, but Im goin with 'last row'. Open to corrections*) 

K: It begins on the right side.

J: Ok, next photo, this is titled 'Inuka'. Is the intonation ok? Like, INuka?

K: Haha, yes, INuka. 

J: Not inuKA, right?

K: Haha, no. 

J: People seem to really like this one. This was on one of the tshirts too wasn't it?

K: Yes. 

J: Yeah, someone said Inuka is their fave. Its mine too! (*Joe pronounces it 'inuKA' by mistake*)

K: Its 'INuka', haha. 

J: Haha, sorry. By the way, what does this title mean? 

K: Well, some of my friends and people who saw it asked, 'Is it a dog??' (これ犬か？？/kore inu ka??)

J: (speaking English) 'Is this dog?? Is this dog??' No? 

K: Haha...no, it looks like its been shot through (射抜かれてる/inukareteiru) . So thats why I called it 'Inuka'. 

J: Ahhh, I see. It kinda looks like the silhouette of a dog at the top though. Yes, this was my favorite. Can I ask a quick question about this? Is it ok?  That white section in the middle, tell me how you created that part. That white line. 

K: I used tape to create a clean line, then pulled the tape off. 

J: So thats the result after pulling the tape off.  It looks amost like a hole. As it happens, the day after I first saw this, I was working with the modern artist Gunji Pegio-Yukio who belongs to the Science and Engineering Department at Waseda University. I was asking him where creativity comes from, and for him it comes from connection to the outer realm. We humans live in the inner realm, but if you can somehow connect with that outer realm, then inspiration will fall down to you. According to him, humans can train themselves to reach that other realm, but as for art, an important element in any finished work is the existence of a hole-like area somewhere, so that things from the outer realm can fall into it. Its like a portal from this realm to the outer realm that you can pass through and back again. I mean, it doesn't have to be a hole, anything that looks like it could draw you in, or that the other realm could come through from, something that really impacts the image. I was just coincidentally talking about this with him. Anyway, so with this piece I feel like there is a connection to the other realm with that white hole. So I really did like this picture. I felt like I could reach the other realm through this. I mean, this is just my personal take. Yes, so this picture Inuka lined up perfectly with my talk with Gunji san. Can we see any more pictures?

K: Thats all for now. 

T: Honestly, Im so impressed with your energy Kaoru, being in a band and creating all this art. Where does it come from?

K: Well, I just like making things. 

J: Which was the most difficult piece to make this time? 

K: Well, with the big paintings, you want them to be kind of intense, right? I didn't want them to be mediocre. I was trying to avoid that. 

J: How do you avoid it?

K: Well, just going up close and working on each part in detail. I was looking closely at every part. 

T: Its really interesting to me how you get the right balance of feelings in your work. You have that unique font that you created too. I always find that really interesting. 

J: Someone asked, 'Any photos of Osaka?'. Unfortunately we only have photos of Tokyo today. But Kaoru, both the Tokyo and Osaka runs are over now, so tell us how you feel about how it went. 

K: Well, I was slightly nervous about the whole thing before it started. Like, how would people take to it?...Cause I've never studied art or anything like that, I didn't think the pictures I did were all that great, I just like drawing. So I just wanted people to come and have a look they felt like it. When I had them finished, I lined them all up in the apartment I was renting, and I was really concerned that they weren't that good. But after I saw them all displayed in the exhibition, I actually felt that they do actually appear kind of interesting. So I was pleased about that.

J: Ok, so the first part of the show is gonna end soon.

T: That was quick! You wanna ask more questions, right everyone?

J: I'm sure they do, but time is limited unfortunately. We don't have Toshi-Low here to draw our time out forever.

K: Haha

J: Ok, so in the second part, we have a piece of art to show you especially. We talked earlier about how Kaoru was doing live painting at the exhibition, and this is one of the pieces he completed there, right?

K: Yes

J: Anyone who was at the last day in Tokyo might have seen it already, but those who went to Osaka will not have, neither will people who went to the earlier Tokyo days. So we will show this exclusively in the second part, please look forward to that. We will also hear a lot more talk from Kaoru, so please keep sending in your questions. Additionally, since the theme of the exhibition stemmed from Kaoru's dreams, we also have a dream themed activity planned, so please become a member to get a closer look into Kaoru's mind. Ok, I'll let you know how you can watch the second half. The second half is for channel members only, so if you want to watch it you will need to register. If you become a member, you will be able watch this broadcast in the archives for a year, and there will also be an extra members only video posted in the coming days. Thats right, there is the link at the top of the screen, Kaoru is pointing to it. Please use this blue link to become a channel member. When you click the link, you will get a page asking you to choose your payment method. Choose your prefered method, click proceed, then enter your details. Thats it. So if you haven't joined yet, please do so to see Kaoru's art in the second part. Also, as we said at the beginning, we are taking entries to win the prizes from Shimokitazawa last time. The prizes are for members only and two winners will be picked by lottery. The prizes are a Phalaris LP signed by Kaoru, and Björk's Biophilia as picked by Kaoru in Disc Union. Please go to this show's blog to enter. Kaoru, do you have any announcements?

K: I do! Well, its still the month after next, but the tour will start then.

J: So you're in the preparation stage? Just taking it slowly?

K: Well, there is still a lot to sort out. But we have the setlist already.

J: Ohhh, yeah, people are looking forward to that. Ok, so as per the tour things are moving!

K: Yes

T: When I think of it, the last year has gone by in a blink. Already the next tour on its way.

J: Your nostrils are really flared!

T: Haha, no, I just mean, I envy the fans having so much to look forward to.

J: But Tasai, you have loads of gyoza stuff to enjoy, right?

T: Well...

K: Isn't that fun?

T: Yeah, I suppose so.

J: Anyway, we will have a short break here, members just wait there. You still have time to become member! Ok, second part next, quick break! Bye bye, see you later.

#薫 #dir en grey #the freedom of expression #translation #kaoru #nouteikarano2

[strrvnge]

sherlock getting jealous of you and john’s friendship because it seems as if john somehow knows you better and you prove to him it’s not possible by having him touch you and get you all turned on.

“John doesn’t know me like you do, Sherlock. He’s never seen me the way you’ve seen me. He’s never felt me the way you’ve felt me. Never had me the way you have me. I am yours.”

Sherlock can be quiet insecure when it comes to his relationship with other people. Thats simply because he's not experienced and is afraid he might do something wrong and push them away, something which he is terribly afraid of as he never had people to care for. But at the same time he has trouble approaching someone or understanding or caring about some basic (to us stupid people) things which makes him sometimes (alway) look insensible or aloof. Whether you're his friend or the person he has a crush on there is no way you won't be told to shut up during a case at least once.

In contrast with John who always seemed to get along with everyone, John who always said and did the right thing, John who knew how to talk to you, who knew how to comfort you. John who did things Sherlock was only now starting to learn, because of you. Because he wanted to keep you in his life

So of course the observer he was he noticed how close you two were getting, how much time you spent together at the point of even having a few stupid inside jokes Sherlock couldn't get.

Walking into the crime scene you searched across the crowd of police officers for Sherlock who was talking (nagging) a very exhausted Greg.

"Hi" you cheered

"My good saviour" Greg exclaimed and patting your shoulder he started walking away "He's all yours!"

"Wow"you mumbled but Sherlock didn't even turn around to look at you. "Where's John? I tried to call him a couple but he didn't answer so I guessed he was with you"

"Well I'm surprised you don't know where he is given your special relationship", Sherlock muttered under his breath.

"What special relationship?" You asked confused.

"I dont know perhaps the one that made you be late in our yesterday's case session because you had gone out for fish and chips with John" He explained only now turning to look at you "Who even eats this thing anyways?"

"Yes like you needed me to solve the case!" You joked but the look he gave you made you choke on your own laugh.

"What?", you laughed shocked "Sherlock you don't seriously think I like John better than you?"

Sherlock avoided your gaze, looking everywhere except you, but that was enough to answer your question. "I wouldn’t care-"

"Becaude I don't", you cut him off and he frowned. Sherlock wasn't the jealous type, actually he was anything but jealous when it came to other people, so you were rather confused about his strange complaint.

"Well that sounded kinda terrible but it's not that I don't like John because I do! As a friends he's great" you said and swallowed uneasily, not believing what you were about to say just to make him feel nice."But you Sherlock..." You took a deep breath and Sherlock noticed how your hands trembled uncontrollably, a profound sense of guilt creeping into him"I actually-"

Before you could even start the suicidal attempt of a confession, he gave you a small kiss on your cheek, making your eyes pop wide open in shock.

"Thank you Y/N I really appreciated our little chat. Please don't be late when it's about a case." He said and just like that he left as you stood there freezed unable to process what had just happened.

Bonus

"Come on Sherlock I think your friendship can survive this little crush. You just have to let her down slowly" John said before taking a sip of his tea, quietly watching from his armchair as Sherlock paced up and down the living room.

"And how do I do that?"

"Be honest. Tell her how you feel. You can't kiss someone you say you don't like Sherlock", John said.

"That wouldn't work. Also I never said I didnt like her otherwise I wouldn't invite her to our usual murder cases" Sherlock explained

"Oh yes always the romantic. And why wouldn't it work again?" John raised an eyebrow making Sherlock huff in annoyance with his friend's brain functionality.

"Because if I tell her how I feel she might get the impression I want to pursue a relationship with her" Sherlock said in one breath before noticing the unamused expression on John's face.

"Yes, John I might appreciate her in a manner friends don't, please don't give me that look"

"I'm not giving you any look", John laughed, raising his hands as a sign of innocence "But I can't say I didn't know you liked her. It's too obvious to ignore"

Sherlock hands locked behind his back as he studied John who looked especially proud for his detection.

"Hm. That's very perceptive of you John, I didn't know you were capableof such thing-no offense. Anyways to the reason of our today's meeting"

"Yes of course. So why would she think you'd like to have a relationship with her?" John ignored his friend's comment, knowing it was pointless even thinking about it.

"Because I might be...interested in her. Only the slightest I sweat. Please don't have me explain to you how love is a -

"Chemical reaction" they said together

#stephen strange x reader #sherlock x you #sherlock fandom #sherlockbbc #sherlock imagine #strrvnganswers

[cupcraft]

Auditory processing problems are hard esp when you don't know until a whole lot later in life like you know it's like

You spend your whole life asking people to repeat themselves a ton of times until you Learn that's Rude you know so you ask maybe 2 to 3 times and then you Pretend you understood them because it's You right, it's totally You and not Something Else, and you hope you're not quizzed on it later. Because sure at a restauraunt you answer yes and your sandwich has a topping you wouldn't think to ask for not really a bad consequence (foodie anyway) but then your friends like oh so [insert topic] and you're like omg what and they're like ugh I told you last week how could you forget? And you could say hey I didn't really understand what you said ("wow you never listen") and or you could say sorry I forgot (but then once it's a pattern then it'll be "you never care to remember"). And you learn to mask. Teacher says directions verbally and doesn't write it down you joke and loudly say "I have literally no clue what we're supposed to be doing LMAO" and your friends laugh tell you and you figure out what you're supposed to do (or you just stay quiet and figure it out. Or you context clues it and think of a question to ask the teacher so you can gain more clues). And you learn to mask and people sort of think you're an airheaded kind of person for most of your growing up life. Though your parents are confused why you can't understand or watch a show when they talk loudly along with it when there's no subtitles and so you have to keep pausing and unpausing until only one conversation is happening.

But it still catches up with you because why can't you just listen, why do you forget stuff, why do things make no sense to you. And you can't keep saying sorry. And you feel like they're right it is you and you begin to focus all your emotional energy on Listening and Remembering and Processing even if you can't do other tasks (bc multitasking destroys the ability to Listen) because of it so people don't get mad at you. Because they're right, right? You just dont care about people and don't wanna listen. And it's not a constant struggle in every situation

And then you're 21 and your new therapist is like hey you may have autism and that just sounds like auditory processing problems. Like so it wasn't You. You did care about people and what they had to say. And you did want to listen. You just, had difficulties and barriers to always understanding what people say. And it's hard to believe after all that, because sometimes you doubt yourself and it's like "huh maybe I'm secretly making it all up as an excuse to not listen to ppl and be horrible" (and that's never been true).

But it's still hard, even when you are comfortable telling people about it when they get to know you. Because they still don't get it all the time. People still get annoyed repeating themselves occasionally, and people are upset you forget information not fully processed or forgotten for another reason. Sometimes you have professors and teachers that think you're not paying attention by taking notes on what they say so you can reread later. But it's easier knowing now. It's easier.

#my musings #vent #you can rb this i really shared this incase it helps others #esp bc i had a revelation about my experiences the other day

[just-call-mefr1es]

quick tbp x thg ramble so it makes sense (i had a conversation with myself while pacing my bedroom about this so i need to write about it)

cw: spoilers for the hunger games and blood/gore mention!! (i dont think its that heavy, but still)

okay, so in the actual HunGER GAMES, book and movie (well i don’t remember if this was actuallyin the book, but whatever) Johanna takes out Katniss’ tracker in the qq3 so that the capitol can’t track her when d13 saves her, and so on and so forth. also, it could also be because they didnt save peeta and johanna cause they probably didnt have their trackers romoved, therefore d13 didn’t save them. annie’s a different story but im not gonna talk about her rn (i stil love her very much tho dont get me wrong💗). even though im not 100% sure if thats the main reason for them not saving peeta n johanna (but im sure it may be A reason), since its been a hot minute since ive read/watched thg and i may have forgotten something, so yeah there.

And how does this play into my tbp x thg au? well,,,, (turns on geek mode) d13 reached out to billy first, since they thougth he was capable enough to get finney&friends™️ to d13 somewhat safely. with this, he was obviously instructed to remove their trackers, so he did as he was told. well, he tried. he told vance about the plan after he realized how kuch he was willing to sacrifice for bruce and griffin, and soon enough, the others,and since he thought he was more capable of doing the act of removing the trackers (you have to actually GET IT OUT of your arm, for those who didn’t know) than he was. Vance said sure, but removed his own tracker first. Why? cause he knew it was a painful process and billy urged him to. anygays, billy got finney’s tracker out, but he and vance had a hard time getting robin, griffin and bruce’s out cause

1. Finney would not fucking leave robin’s side, and everyone knew that he would probbalh go berserk if they even tried to touch robin, let alone CUT OUT A GASH ON HIS ARM. (btw, billy cut out finney’s arm during that same time period that johanna did for katniss in the movie and/or book if it happened at the same time (my memory is trash))

2., because vance was so hesitant to potentially harm Griffin and Bruce. Yes, he knew it was for their own good, but at the same time. He had to cut out the specific section of the arm, and he thought that if he did that, then Bruce amd Griffin would think he was kust that merciless killer the capitol made him to be. Plus, he couldn’t just *tell* them why he was gonna do what he was gonna do, cause the capitol was watching their every move. billy kept urging vance to do it when their time in the arena was nearing to the end, and vance just waved him off, saying that he will soon (spoiler alert, he didn’t.)

so yeah, that’s why bruce griff and robin got stuck in the capitol, and another reason vance blames himelf (hes not okay guys). when the rescue team set out to rescue the three, they were obviously more confident to take out their trackers (i know for sure that the capitol gave them new ones) compared to vance and did NOT hesitate ripping em out (they needed to get out of there quickly).

wowe that took a while to type. sorry not sorry @meepmoopweeeeeeeeeee

#help #silly mood #im going insaneee #the black phone #the hunger games #tbp x thg au #vance hopper #billy showalter #finney blake #robin arellano #bruce yamada #griffin stagg #angsty angst angst angst #hehe #my mind goes wonderful places when left alone #ignore typos please or im goijg to sob #im a digital yapper myself

[wanderingcas]

Hi Sam! I've always loved your writing and your ability to craft such amazing stories which is something I've always struggled with. Could you maybe share your process on how you plot things out? Thank you so much!!!!!

oh wow!! i'm really honored and don't even know what to say!! i have to warn you i don't really have a set process it's just me making things up and then scrambling later down the pike but i do have some things i sometimes follow:

get the idea

write down a wishlist of what sounds fun to write within this idea (this list will quickly be whittled down to like one or two things as the story progresses but it's nice to write it all out)

tell the story to myself in free hand, as in just write it out as if you're telling the story to a friend and don't worry about structure or if you can't think of a certain plot point, this is where you can put gaps of "i don't know what happens here but it'll lead to this", that sort of thing

(big thing to mention that at this point, anything you write down for ideas will be dramatically changed later as the characters come forth, and that's ok, that means your story is telling itself to you rather than the other way around and that's a good thing imo. when you've reached that sweet spot you're good to go)

start thinking of characters, how they'd interact with this world you've created. and if you made the character first, think of how they'd effect plot going forward

once you have a starting point, even if it's just an inciting incident, THEN you can start to form a very bare bones outline, if that's your thing. if outlines break you out in hives DONT do it, just go back to your stream of consciousness writing and clean that up, so that it resembles more of a novel treatment (more info on what this is here, it's used in scriptwriting mostly but i think it works amazingly for writing a novel too)

and then just write the first opening scenes, or any scene, and see where it goes!

like i mentioned before your story is gonna drastically change, and that's ok. in the current story i'm writing, my ending COMPLETELY changed in the last 2 weeks, after writing this story and being sure of it for literally months, and while that's scary that's also okay. it means that your story is developing and telling itself

i hope that helps and lemme know if you want to go into any of it! i think it's important to note that the process of story writing can be so different for each person, depending on if you're a plotter or pantser or a combination of both and you just gotta see what works for you by trial and error and go from there. if someone else's advice doesn't feel right to you then don't put it on; go find another outfit that feels right for you!

#anon ask #answered ask #whenever someone asks me for advice i feel like i just info dump and sprint away #so i hope this helps somehow 🫠 #i'm so glad that you enjoy my stories and i'm so honored you asked me for help!! <3