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#wow i went pretty angsty here
kirawaswrong · 1 year
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somewhere in the haze
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summary: You made a mistake that nearly cost you your life. Now your boyfriend is pissed at you, and you're not completely sure why. Is there hope for reconciliation?
pairing: chuuya nakahara x female! reader
genre: slight angst, smut
word count: 4k+
warnings: MDNI!! starts angsty but then...., fingering, oral (fem receiving), soft dom chuu [kinda], bratty reader [a bit], aka I finally am dipping my toes into smut, also depictions of stabbing
note: I wrote smut, ya’ll!!! But being me, there is a story too. Dealing with big emotions and all that jazz. I hope you enjoy!
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Getting ready for work wasn’t usually an arduous affair. You had it down to a routine, and even made an event of it. While cooking breakfast, you were a celebrity chef. When taking a shower, you’d give the concert of a lifetime. But today, nothing was making it easier. It was your first day back in over a month. It should have been a cause for celebration. But you were in a fight with your boyfriend. 
The previous night's events played on repeat in your head while you put your clothes on.  You brushed your teeth, and all you could think of was Chuuya's furrowed brow.  The fight made you see the past month in a new light. You felt stupid for not realizing his feelings sooner.
You were working on a solo assignment. It was pretty standard, and in fact, one you’d done several times before. It was security for a jewelry store. The store turned a blind eye to the Port Mafia's illegal jewelry ring. In return, sometimes they'd request a member come by and watch over the place.  
It was late at night. It seemed like a rare uneventful day was about to pass by. But then a tall, slender man tried to enter the store after hours. You knew you could take him, so you chased him to the roof. Before he could turn, you socked him in the back of the head. He fell immediately, out cold. 
You were sure you’d incapacitated him enough to call for someone to assist you in disposing of him. As soon as your back was to him, an arm wrapped around your throat. Pain shocked your lower abdomen; he'd stabbed you. He called you a dumb bitch before removing the knife and throwing you to the ground. 
With a shaky hand, you reached for your phone. The warm ooze of your blood made it too difficult to maneuver it to call for help. Your wound went from feverish to frigid, and the edges of the world got a lot fuzzier. As you faded, you thought of the hardships you’d faced and how you finally felt like you belonged somewhere. And now you were gonna die on top of a shitty building. 
Your last thoughts were of Chuuya, and how you hoped he wouldn’t have to see your corpse.  Then, everything went black. 
---
But the Port Mafia had your back. You awoke with a sharp ache in your stomach and a heaviness in your head. Before even blinking your eyes open, you knew you were in the organization’s medical wing. 
“You’re awake.”
The voice that spoke was one you knew well but never failed to slice a shiver down your spine.
You forced your eyes open. Mori Ougai stood like a shadow by your bed. His hands clasped behind his back. He held an almost bored expression as if your stabbing was a mild inconvenience to him. 
“Hi boss,” you said. You tried to sit up to formally address him but hissed in pain. 
“Refrain from unnecessary movements for the time being,” He said. “The blade nicked your appendix, so I took the liberty of removing it for you.”
Wow, a surprise appendectomy. How thoughtful. 
“We’d received no communication from you in some time,” Mori said. “So it was clear you were in danger. If you’d lost one more liter of blood, you would be dead. That’s why I started a transfusion.”
You looked down to see an IV in your inner right arm. Blood came from a bag, and you knew better than to question its origins. 
This wasn’t the first time you’d woken up in the medical wing, nor would it be the last. But usually, someone else was at your bedside.
“So,” you said, “Where is-?”
“Chuuya will be here shortly,” Mori interrupted. “He wasn’t notified until it was certain whether you would live or die.”
You weren’t surprised. If Chuuya knew the extent of your injuries, he’d tear the world apart to be there. From Mori’s perspective,  wherever Chuuya was had more importance than being with you. 
“For now, continue to rest,” Mori smiled in a way that was supposed to offer comfort. “If there are no complications, you can go home tomorrow.”
“What about work?” You blurted out.
“We’ll discuss the matter later.”
Mori administered more pain medication and left the room. Before you could think about much else, the drugs knocked you into a hazy sleep. At some point, you swore you heard muffled voices outside the room. Your eyes were too heavy to open, but you felt a warm gloved hand holding your own. You slept deeper after that.
---
The next day, you went home. Naturally, Chuuya took you to his place. Resting was imperative to your recovery, and you had trouble with that sometimes. 
Once at the penthouse, Chuuya set you up in the guestroom. When you weren’t recovering from a knife wound and impromptu surgery, you were used to sleeping with him in his bed. You thought that he was afraid of impeding the healing process. 
Once you were comfortable in the bed, he told you to stay put. 
“If you don’t,” he said, “I’ll use my ability on you.”
His crooked smile and delivery of the threat told you it was a joke. But there wasn’t much joy behind his eyes. You made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a cough. 
That set the tone for your stay. You weren’t completely oblivious. Something was wrong with Chuuya. He went through the motions of aiding in your recovery. He helped you bathe, changed your dressings, and made sure you took your medicine. But the other times Chuuya rehabilitated you, he’d be smirking and telling jokes. When you worried, he'd give you soft kisses. This time, he was more…sterile. 
You told yourself that it was because of how close to death you were this time. And in a way, you were right. 
A week later, you had a partial return to work. Though your wound had superficially healed, internal damage was still possible. So you were stuck doing nothing but paperwork. You fucking hated it. Everyone at the Port Mafia had to deal with papers, but not hour after hour, day after day. You felt like a glorified secretary. You were eager to go on missions again. 
When you shared those thoughts with Chuuya, you received a slight nod and silence. It was odd, as your perseverance and enthusiasm were what had attracted him to you in the first place. 
A few weeks later, Mori told you that you would be able to return to full-time duties the following day. Though it was exciting, you felt deflated. Chuuya had been so distant, you didn’t want to tell him. He was an executive, so the odds were he already knew. 
That night after dinner, he confirmed your suspicions.  At the table, you nonchalantly said you were nervous and excited to leave paperwork duty. Chuuya’s expression darkened, and he sighed. You decided it was time to rip off the bandaid. 
“That was a pretty heavy sigh.” 
He said nothing.
“What’s up?”
“I don’t think you should go back yet,” he said. 
It was your turn to sigh. “Look, babe. I know it was a pretty serious injury, but I’ll be fine.”
“It’s not about that. I think we should go over training again.”
“Chuuya, I’ve been in the mafia for almost a year now,” you said. “Training ended a long time ago.”
“Well, maybe you need a refresher course,” he said in a venom-soaked tone.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Everyone knew Chuuya was an explosively angry man. His yelling was nothing to scoff at, but it wasn’t out of the ordinary. What most people didn’t know was how terrifying it was when he was quiet. 
“I never thought you would be so reckless. Turning your back on an opponent while on a solo mission. Didn’t even call for backup or anything.”
You felt like a stone sank into your stomach. The other shoe dropped. He was…angry at you. 
“I tried,” you sputtered. “But the blood was coming out, and I-”
“You should have called for someone as soon as you saw the guy.”
“He was a beanpole,” you said. “I thought I could take him!”
“He might not have been alone. What would you have done then?” 
You were at a loss for words. “I just…I-”
“You got cocky,” Chuuya finished. “Which is exactly what I’ve warned you against since day one, haven’t I? Don’t get a big head, and never turn your back on anyone. Especially if you’re alone!”
“So, what, am I the only person who’s ever made a mistake?” You spat back.
“You can’t afford to make mistakes like that,” his voice rose. “You make those mistakes, you die!”
“You think I don’t know that?” You exclaimed. “That’s all I could think about on the roof!”
“Good,” Chuuya said. “Hold onto that feeling. Next time you’re on a mission, you can think of it. Then you'll remember to cover your ass and you won't pull something like that again.”
A tense silence hung over the room. You were both heated and so angry. You knew better than to say anything. Having the last word would be a petty thing to worry about. 
But anger made you a petty person.
“Fine,” you said. “I will remember that feeling. When I go out on the field tomorrow.”
Chuuya scoffed. “I don’t want you to go back out yet!”
“So sorry, Mr. Nakahara,” your voice dripped with sardonic respect. “I know I made you and the rest of the higher-ups look bad, but I have to get back to doing my job.”
You got up from the table and began to storm from the kitchen. Two steps later, Chuuya’s hand wrapped around your forearm. 
“We’re not done talking.”
“I am,” you said.
He turned you around to face him. Anger still filled his eyes, but his jaw wasn’t quite as clenched. 
“You can’t just run away from this,” he said. His voice softened to the slightest degree. “I’m not saying this as your superior. As someone who cares about you, I don’t know if you’re ready to go back out there yet. Is that so hard to understand?”
You wanted to agree with him. Fall into his arms, and put the whole mess of a fight behind you. But pride was something you shared with Chuuya. 
“I’m going in tomorrow,” you said. “And you won’t stop me.”
After a moment, he let your arm go. 
You packed your things and came into the living room with a suitcase. Without a word, Chuuya helped you put everything in his car. Neither of you spoke on the drive. The silence was relentless in the parking lot. When you left the car, he finally spoke.
“Be careful.”
You gave a nod and headed into your building. 
---
Which led to your first day back. A day that should have been celebratory, but was now marred with grey. 
Besides a few passing remarks from colleagues, no one made a big deal about your recovery or return. It was the mafia. People pulled through from worse injuries all the time. 
You had no solo assignments that day, which you were thankful for. Not because of fear, but because it was easier to shut your mind off and focus.  You did keep your word and were very careful. 
During downtime, the argument swirled around in your head. Chuuya trusted you. He knew that you were well-trained. Why would he say you weren’t ready to go out on your own anymore? 
The end of the day came. When you got to your car, he leaned against it with his arms crossed.
You weren’t sure if you felt relieved or annoyed. 
“Can we talk?”
You sighed. “Yeah.”
He slid into the passenger’s seat with you in the driver’s. 
For a moment, he said nothing. Both of you stared forward.  You were starting to wonder why the two of you had so many tense silences in cars.
“So,” you said. “You wanted to talk.”
“You didn’t get hurt today,” he said. 
“No, I didn’t.” 
“Good.”
Another silence. 
“Look, Chuuya-”
“I didn’t mean what I said.”
You turned to him. “Okay?”
“You’re good at your job,” he said, turning to you. “I’d be an idiot not to know that.”
“Then why did you make me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing?” You asked. 
He sighed, leaning his head back on the seat. “Babe…You almost died.”
“Yeah, I know that, but–”
“No, you almost died. It scared the hell out of me.”
You didn’t know what to say. 
“I know anyone could fuck up and wind up dead,” he continued. “But you’re not just anyone.”
His eyes were on you. He reached over the console to hold one of your hands in both of his. 
“I don’t wanna lose you.”
Your resolve melted like a puddle. “Why didn’t you just say this like a month ago?”
He chuckled without humor. “I was afraid I’d blow up at ya.”
“Thank god that didn’t happen,” you deadpanned.
“I am sorry,” he said. “Look, either of us could die any day.”
“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”
“It’s the truth,” he said, squeezing your hand. “But I need you to do everything you can to keep yourself alive.”
His eyes shone with sincerity, and your lingering anger evaporated.
“Only if you promise to do the same,” you said. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
He pulled you across the console and held you against his chest. You embraced each other for what seemed like an eternity before he broke the silence.
“Wanna come to my place tonight?”
---
With the fight resolved and put behind you, it was easy to return to the domesticity you’d both grown accustomed to. Chuuya ordered takeout from one of your favorite restaurants. Throughout the meal, his eyes couldn't stay off of you. 
After dinner, you sat on the couch together, barely watching an old sitcom rerun. Your back was against his torso, and his arms wrapped around your waist. You chattered on about your first day back. 
“...And then Higuchi kept trying to get Akutagawa’s attention even though I’ve told her a thousand times that he–Chuuya!”
He’d leaned forward to kiss the side of your neck. 
“Go ahead,” He murmured against your delicate skin. “I’m listening.”
You made an earnest attempt of continuing your story. Chuuya thwarted it by nibbling and sucking below your ear.
“Y-you’re distracting me,” you fought the urge to moan.
“Am I?” He chuckled. 
You gasped as his hands crept down to your thighs, gently pulling them further apart. His dick began to harden against your back.
“I’ve just been thinking, baby,” he murmured. “Between your injury and our fight, there’s a lot of things we haven’t been able to do in a while. Wanna start doing them again tonight?”
You answered with a breathless whimper and he kneaded his fingers on your thighs. His touches crept closer to the heat pooling between your legs.
But then, he stopped his movements and rested his chin on your shoulder.
“Only if you want to,” he said. “No pressure, okay?”
You turned your head to smooch his cheek.
“I do want to,” you breathed.  “I really want to.”
---
In previous instances of lovemaking, Chuuya could be a bit rough. This benefitted both of you. It helped him work out some of his aggression. And for you? Well, you found it hot.
But tonight, he placed you gently in the middle of the bed. His eyes remained locked with yours as he removed his waistcoat and pants. He joined you on the soft sheets, framing one of your thighs with both of his. He tangled a gloved hand in your hair and then leaned down to kiss you. His lips pressed onto your lips, your heart thunked against your ribs. Warmth bloomed from your chest and spread throughout your entire body. You wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Chuuya rubbed his knee against the heat between your legs, causing you to moan into his mouth. 
He broke the kiss, a smirk across his lips. 
“You okay?” He asked, stroking your cheek with his thumb.
“Yeah,” you gasped. His knee still rested squarely against your crotch. “I’m very much okay.”
He chuckled. “Tell me if that changes, got it?”
You nodded. Before you could verbally respond, he moved his thumb from your cheek to your lips.
“Would you take this off for me, sweetheart?”
You opened your mouth and gingerly bit the tip of the glove. He pulled his hand back, releasing it from the leather. 
He took the glove from you, planting a quick kiss on your lips. 
“Thank you.”
“No problem,” you responded, trying to pretend your face wasn’t burning hot. 
His next target was your collarbone. You’d have hickeys by morning with the way he sucked and scraped his teeth against the soft expanse of skin. He untucked your shirt, slipping his hand underneath and up your torso. Your nipples responded to his touch from beneath the fabric of your bra.  
“We gotta level the playing field, babe,” he playfully admonished against your neck.
“Hmm?”
“I’m practically naked,” he said. “And here you are, still fully clothed. Doesn’t seem fair.”
You snorted. Chuuya wore so many layers of clothing that being in a dress shirt and boxers really was close to nudity for him. 
“I see your point,” you said. 
You pushed him off, sitting up and pulling your shirt over your head. A smug grin played on your lips when you saw the way he looked at you. Even in your everyday bra, he still made it seem like you wore the most mouthwatering lingerie he’d seen in his life.
“Better?” You asked.
He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close and kissing you again.
“Almost,” he murmured against your lips. 
And with one hand, he unclasped your bra. 
“Chuuya!” You laughed out a reprimand. The impressiveness of the act outweighed any embarrassment. Still, you held the garment against your chest. 
“What?”
“I’d hardly call this an even playing field,” you said. 
“Semantics,” he scoffed, waving a hand. “Now, get your fuckin’ arms outta the way, would ya?”
You playfully rolled your eyes but did as he said, and removed the bra completely. 
He laid you back on the bed, hovering over you. Mindfully keeping his weight off of you, he grasped your breasts. His mouth found your right nipple, sucking on it hard while his gloved hand played with the left.
With a moan, your head rolled back onto the pillow. When he switched to the left nipple, you raised up to look at him. He'd closed his eyes, and he seemed to be at peace with everything in the world. 
“Enjoying yourself, Chuu?” You teased. 
His eyes shot open, and his face rivaled his hair in redness. 
“Yeah,” he said after dislodging from your breast. “And I bet I’m not the only one.”
His bare hand traced down your torso and into your pants. He traced a finger against your panties, feeling the soaked-through fabric.
“You’re pretty wet,” he said. “Want me to do something about it?”
“Uh-huh,” you gasped.
“Aw, where’d that smart mouth of yours go, babe?” 
You narrowed your eyes, saying nothing.
He chuckled but relented by pushing your panties aside. He slid his finger down your slit before plunging two fingers inside. The fingers crooked inside you in the most delicious way. 
“Now, tell me,” he said, continuing to work you from the inside. “Is there anything else you want me to do to you?”
“Y-yes,” you stammered. 
“And, uh,” he stroked your shoulder with a gloved finger. “What exactly would that be?”
You fought to form a sentence. “I think you already know.”
He smirked, looking at you from beneath his lashes. “Yeah, I have a pretty good idea. But I wanna hear you say it.”
“Chuuya,” you whined. “Please.”
“C’mon, pretty girl. Use your words. I’ll take good care of ya if you do.”
The way he was using his damn words–and his fingers–was driving you crazy.
You drew in a shaky breath and looked straight into his eyes.
“I want you to make me cum on your tongue.”
His smirk intensified and placed a kiss on your cheek. 
“Good girl. Now, was that so hard?”
“Yeah, yeah,” you said. “Quit teasing and put your mouth to better use.”
“Hey now,” his tone playfully darkened. He withdrew his fingers from your core and lewdly sucked them dry. “Don’t forget who’s in charge here.”
You rolled your eyes. “Sorry, Chu.”
He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “brat” and sat back on his heels. He removed his other glove, tossing it aside. He peeled off your pants and discarded your underwear. 
Your eyes lingered on the ceiling while his gaze raked over your nude body. The intensity of his eyes tracing over every inch of you was something you weren’t sure you’d ever get used to. His thumb smoothed over the raised skin of the new scar that brandished the skin above your right hip. 
“Look at me,” he said.
He rewarded you with a lovestruck smile when you did what he said. 
“You’re fuckin’ beautiful, y’know?”
“Yeah, my boyfriend’s mentioned it from time to time,” you giggled. 
“I’ll tell ya every day if I have to.”
He put a pillow beneath your hips to elevate you and then began to settle himself between your legs. He tossed his hair over his shoulder to get it out of his way. His arms wrapped around your legs, and his hands pressed into the soft flesh. He pressed kisses to your inner thigh, inching closer to where you desperately wanted him. 
His face was mere centimeters from your center. His blue eyes locked onto your face. He ran his tongue over his top lip.
And then he kissed the other thigh.
“Chuu, come on!” You whined. “You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”
He tsked under his breath. “Be patient.”
“I have been,” you argued.
“You’re gonna get what you want,” he reasoned. “I promised you that, didn’t I?”
You sighed, leaning your head back against the pillow. 
“Yeah, you did,” You grumbled. “But I thought, you know, it’d be some time tonight and wouldn’t take forever-oh!”
In your exasperation, you failed to notice the devilish look on Chuuya’s face as he dove in to lick your slit firmly. He ended it with a flick to your clit with the tip of his tongue. 
When you returned your gaze to him, the sight was almost too much to bare. His eyes danced with gloating. Your thighs framed his handsome face.
The admiration turned into more ecstasy as he continued. 
He gave you another unyielding lick and then began to suck on your clit. You moaned shamelessly, burying your hands in his hair. When you tugged at his roots, his groan reverberated into you in the most wonderful way. Spurred on, he shoved two fingers back inside of you.
It was clear you wouldn’t last long. His tongue curled around your clit now, with the tips of his fingers crooking against you from the inside. Your eyes slammed shut and your mouth gaped open. Sparks flew in the darkness of your vision. And before long, you came while crying his name.
His mouth continued to work you through it. On the onset of overstimulation, you whined and pulled his hair harder. 
Chuuya pulled away with a lopsided grin. “Tapping out already?”
Too dazed to shoot a quip at him, you nodded with a grin of your own.
He released your legs, paused to gently kiss your scar, and made his way up your body. His lips met yours again, and you could taste yourself on his tongue. 
“I’ve missed you,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. “Missed this too.”
“Same here,” you murmured. 
Though the moment was tender, your heart was still racing. Reuniting with Chuuya made you feel so relieved. And he made you feel safe, loved, and taken care of. 
But you couldn’t help but notice how hard his dick was against your thigh.
Your hand reached down and palmed the outside of his boxers, earning a stuttering gasp from him.
“Now we gotta take care of you.”
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bloodynereid · 4 months
Note
Hey babes! What do you think about some rivals to lovers for jordan li? I love how Jordan was super competitive at the start of the show, and idk why but I wanted to see more of that from them :) anyway something angsty but also super cute?
Jordan Li is my new obsession and the little amount of fanfiction for them hurts
Sending you lots of love 💕💕💕
Heartstrings
pairing: jordan li x fem! reader
tw: angst, horrible parents... again, rivalry, swearing, fluff, crying, alcohol consumption, intrusive thoughts?
description: rivals always do have that unspoken tension don't they?
a/n: hiii sorry it took like a month to write this - hopefully it's similar to what you thought about. also sorry it's so short, i think i went into a sort of mini writing slump so i'm trying to get back on the saddle. anywaysss hope you enjoy <33
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You let out a huff as you collapsed on one of the picnic tables outside of the exam room (what really was a random auditorium). God, that exam was horrible. For some reason, it seemed easy up until the moment you dropped the stack of papers off at the examiner’s desk.
Business was probably easier than it was at different colleges because it just focused on supe management but it had a variety of key terms that you had studied like a maniac. But… you still felt like a failure. How were you going to make it past Jordan fucking Li on the leaderboard if you got a mediocre score on a random business final?
“Damn that exam was easyyyy, why are you grumbling on such a beautiful day like today?” Speaking of the devil.
“Jordan…” You said, poison lacing your tone as you looked up at the stupid smirk on their face.
“Y/N. What did you think of the test?” You and Jordan had a sort of rivalry between the two of you since you started at God U. 
Freshman year. You and Jordan share the majority of classes. It sounds like the recipe for real friendship but no, it turned into something more twisted.
“Incredibly easy, what about you Jordan? Think that you actually did well at something for once?”
“Oh I’m hurt darling. Who’s higher on the ranks by the way? I haven’t checked.”
“Fuck you.”
“I think that’s something you want to do.” Jordan’s voice held something hard to identify as they leaned forward and she winked at you.
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You smoothed out the fabric of the dress you were wearing. The gold dress hung around your frame perfectly and it actually made you feel confident in a room of people who probably had more money that you could even dream of.
A sip of bubbly champagne filled your mouth when you suddenly felt a solid presence behind you. The flute of bubbly alcohol was plucked out of your hand and you twirled around with an indignant look on your face. You really shouldn’t be surprised that the person standing in front of you was Jordan.
“Wow, so now you don’t just steal my place in the ranks but you also steal my fucking champagne.”
“It’s pretty shitty champagne, you’re not really missing anything.” Jordan said as they smiled that stupidly teasing smile of theirs as he took another sip. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the flute back out of their hands.
“What do you want, Jordan?”
“Oh I don’t know, it seems like you looked a little lonely.”
“So this whole charade was so you could check on my wellbeing, yeah I fucking doubt that.”
“Then why do you think I came here?” Jordan purred out as they leaned on one of the columns.
“To gloat.”
“Oh I think you suffer enough whenever you open up that little phone of yours to see who’s higher up.” Jordan said they trailed a finger over the hand that you were using to hold up the flute. Your eyes narrowed and you felt a shudder of pure hatred run through your veins. Quickly pulling your hand away, you huffed and walked straight away from a smirking Jordan.
“Aww did I hit a nerve, sweetheart?”
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Frantically wiping away the tears that littered your face, you slammed your phone down maybe a little too harshly on the concrete steps. You heard the protective case shatter but in that moment all you could care about is the venomous words spewed into your ear by your parents.
Never enough. That’s what you constantly felt like. You were the eldest and yet you could never do anything as perfectly as your brothers. They were getting top ranks at their supe training school and what were you doing? You were sitting at a mediocre 5. Not good enough for parents who demanded perfection in every single aspect of your life.
A sob was trying to fight its way out of your throat when you buried your head between your arms. The harsh fabric of your jeans scratched painfully on your tearstreaked cheeks. You deserve the fucking pain at this point.
You could almost feel your blood boiling when your powers turned on hyperdrive. Well that’s wonderful timing. Suddenly you could feel, hear and see basically everything. The senses assaulted your very being and a choked whine left your lips.
Why did they think you weren’t good enough? Top 5 is something kids and their parents dream about. And yet you were sitting around on a cold concrete slab crying your eyes out because of your parents.
“Y/N?” The voice you recognized ever so well, made you look up from your clothed arms. Meeting Jordan’s eyes with your own tear-filled ones.
“Fuck off Jordan, I don’t need or want to deal with you today.” You said sharply before dropping your head back onto your knees. You didn’t feel Jordan move away though, instead a warm body settled down next to you and you felt an arm weave around your shoulders.
The chill that had seemed to have permanently weaved with your DNA left when Jordan cradled you into their embrace.
“Y/N?” You let out a loud sob at the sound of your name. What you didn’t realize was that Jordan’s eyes were filled with brimming concern. They had never seen you like this, you were literally like a rock. You always took their teases in stride and easily rebuked them. Your little cat and mouse game was one of the only things that kept Jordan going whenever they were having a bad day.
“I fucking hate them. I do everything they ask of me and yet I’m never enough. I’m never going to be as good as their perfect little sons.” Your words came out in heaves and sniffles. Jordan felt a pang of emotion, they knew exactly what you were feeling.
“I get it, I know everyone always says that but I really do this time. My parents fucking suck. They constantly demand perfection, don’t they?”
“Yeah…” You trailed off as the tears started to dry up and crust on your cheeks.
“Are you okay, darling?” Jordan said softly as you looked up to meet her eyes.
“I can’t believe you are comforting right now, but other than that fine.”
“Always with the scathing insults.” Jordan said with a delighted twist of their smile. 
“You know me… thanks for this Jordan.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Something sparked in Jordan’s eyes when you smiled at them. “You know I don’t really hate you right?” Jordan said softly as they caught a stray tear with their thumb.
That was when you had the realization, you never really hated them either. You liked the competition. You liked feeling pushed and you absolutely adored their stupid fucking smirk.
“Maybe I don’t really hate you either.”
“Ah you see, progress.” Jordan said, making a zap of energy sing through you.
“This doesn’t mean we’re going to be friends suddenly.”
“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it but between you and me, darling, I think we would be something more.” Jordan said with a wink which made goosebumps appear on your skin.
“You’re going to have to beat me first.”
“In what?”
“In that stupid business exam… results come out tomorrow. If you get a better grade than me you get to take me out on a date, if I get a better grade than you I get to take you out on a date.”
“Seems like a win-win situation either way. I can’t wait.” Jordan brushed their warm fingers across your cheekbone before they sent you one final wink and a smirk before heading off in the direction of the dorms.
“You coming? We do have that marketing exam on Friday…” Jordan called out over their shoulder, their remark made your body instantly heat up. Fuck it. You were in a losing battle with them again, this time the prize was your heart and they were certainly going to win it.
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ahhh jordannnnn
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lastbluetardis · 9 months
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could you link a guide on how to comment well? i've seen some authors say they want like more meaningful comments and when i don't have more than a thank you to offer i feel like i'm a failure to them and don't comment at all because they'll get mad
Aww, Nonnie, I promise you that 99.9% of authors will be happy with some variation of "Wow, I loved this [insert emoji of choice]" (the emoji is optional btw, I just find them to be adorable). These comprise 90% of my comments, and I adore them.
That being said, I would be lying if I said that a "meaningful" comment wasn't amazing to read. But everyone has their own idea of "meaningful". For me, I want to know what resonated with my reader. Did they laugh at a certain line/scene? Did their heart drop into their stomach during a particularly angsty scene? Did they giggle like a loony when the characters were being soft and sweet and fluffy? I like to know that I nailed the emotion(s) I was hoping to evoke. And comments like this can still be pretty short. "Great chapter! I really loved the part when Character A did/said this. It made me feel [insert emotion]."
Some readers like to leave a rambling stream-of-consciousness comment because they either remember everything they'd just read, or they were leaving notes for themselves along the way. I know this method of commenting isn't the norm, but it's always fun to read these sorts of comments, because it's like a little sneak peek into my readers' mind as they went from scene to scene in the story.
Some readers like to go on longer tangents and will share more personal stories about themselves to explain exactly why something resonated with them. I will never ever expect a reader to do this; their personal lives are their own personal business. If they want to share their experiences with me, I will absolutely listen and cherish the piece of themselves they are sharing with me. But I don't think that it's necessary to pour your heart out in a comment.
I've gone back and reblogged a few old posts I'd found in the depths of my blog about commenting. Here are the links (the last one is an extension some people use to have a comment box open as they read... I haven't tried this out recently, but it worked when I first installed the extension several years ago):
how to comment | cheats for commenting | AO3 extension directions
I hope you find those helpful. Try not to be too stressed about writing the "perfect" comment. Anything will make an author's day. Anything that makes the author feel seen and appreciated 💜
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jerzwriter · 5 months
Text
A Bit Dark
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Thank you for this ask @inlocusmads. Of course, that 100 words or less part is just comical to use with me! But I clocked in at just over 1000, which isn't bad! I love that you asked for Casey and Jess! I love these two so much, and every time I finish a fic featuring them, I feel like I've been wrapped up in a warm, cozy blanket! I know it's not a popular pairing, but I love them. So thank you! I hope you enjoy this!
Book: Open Heart (Pre-Series/Casey's Med School Years) Pairing: F!MC (Casey MacTavish) x F!OC (Jessica Philips) Words: 1,099 Rating: Teen Warnings: Discussion of mental health issues, nothing too deep. Category: Angsty fluff/ hurt/comfort Summary: Jess has noticed a bit of a change in Casey, and offers her support when she learns the reason why. A/N: For @choicesnovchallenge - I think World Kindness Day would fit. :) A/N 2: SAD = Seasonal Acquired Depression
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Sometimes, a room can be so silent that the gentle sounds of breathing permeate the air like a siren. As if to prove it, Jessica closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and released at an achingly slow pace. The gentle noise would have gone unnoticed any other time, especially in a bustling city like Philadephia. But today, in her tiny living room, it may as well have been a gust of wind during the fiercest of winter storms. Still, the sound went unnoticed by Casey, whose gaze was fixed out the window on the other side of the room.
Shifting her weight on the lumpy but cozy sofa, Jess placed her textbook on the coffee table at her side. That was enough studying for now. If anything else was to be committed to memory this evening,  it would be the way the street lights shining through the window gently lit the contours of her girlfriend’s face. Another deep breath, this one involuntary, escaped her as she wondered if she had any idea how simply exquisite she was.
“It must be some view out there,” Jessica stated, pulling Casey from her thoughts.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“The view... outside... it must be special. You seem lost in it.”
Casey dropped the curtain, a gentle blush on her cheeks, and turned to Jessica, adorably wrapped up in a chenille throw, the loose tendrils that had escaped her messy bun framing her lovely face.
“It’s nothing compared to the view in here,” Casey corrected, happily accepting Jessica’s arms embracing her from behind.
“We’ve been studying all day,” Jess whispered. “Do you need a break? I can make us a snack.”
“No. I think I’m good for another hour or so.”
Jess placed her chin on Casey’s shoulder, fixing her gaze in the same direction.
“Wow, I see why you’re entranced. The lights look so pretty.”
“They do,” Casey agreed.
“I can’t believe it’s so dark already. It’s not even five o’clock.”
“Yep,” Casey sighed, gently pulling herself away from her lover and crossing the room. “Daylight standard time strikes again! Between studying, work, and volunteering... we’re lucky if we see the sun again before April.”
“Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” Jess smiled as she returned to Casey’s side. “But all right.”
But Casey didn’t meet Jess’s playful energy. With a swallow, she sullenly turned away.
“Case... what’s going on? Are you OK?”
“Yeah,” Casey sighed.
She had only recently begun to explore the demons that had haunted her throughout her life. The anxiety that creeped out of nowhere, the sadness that could envelop her typically sunny personality without warning. She was coming to understand why and recognize her triggers, and winter’s darkness was undoubtedly one. Jessica was aware of her journey; what’s more, she was supportive, but it was still difficult to articulate. But, looking at her girlfriend’s furrowed brow, she felt she owed her the truth.
“It’s just... winter is hard for me. It’s not the cause of my depression, but all the darkness... it doesn’t help at all.”
“Oh,” Jess pulled up a chair, quickly going into doctor mode; she fought to remain a supportive partner as well. “Have you been diagnosed with SAD?”
“Not officially.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to mention it to your therapist or psychiatrist,” Jess started, a knowing look on her face. “It sort of makes sense now.”
“What does?”
“You’ve been a little sadder recently, sleeping more. You haven’t been interested in doing things you.. or we... normally enjoy. It’s been worse since the time change.”
“Well,” she shrugged dismissively. “That’s just depression...”
“Of course, but if you notice it worsens this time of year... will you talk to your doctors?”
“I will,” Casey nodded.
“Good. There are ways to combat this. They may increase your antidepressant, some vitamins have proven helpful, and we can do things to make it better.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I’m going to get you outside during the daylight more often. We can bundle up and take a walk before heading out in the morning.”
Casey let out a laugh, then took Jess’s hand.
“Do you really think getting me up early is a solution?”
“Hmmm... maybe not,” Jess winked. “I’ll just kidnap you and drag you out on our lunch breaks. I can also get light boxes for our apartments...”
“You don’t need to do that,” Casey protested.
“I don’t need to do anything, but I want to. Honestly, I’ve always wondered if it would help me, too. The winter is awfully dreary. Besides, why wouldn’t I do all I can to help you?”
Casey brushed a loose curl from Jessica’s face, then met her lips with a sweet, tender kiss.
“I’m lucky to have you.”
“Well, I’m lucky to have you, too,” Jess assured, the smile on Casey’s face growing wider.
“You know, if you really want to do anything to help me... you know what helps SAD a lot?”
“What?” Jess smiled with a roll of her eyes. 
“You’re freaking snickerdoodles! Oh my God, they’re delicious!”
“That’s it,” Jess said, her laughter filling the room. “I was expecting something far more salacious from you.”
“Mmm, maybe later,” Casey winked. “But really, I think you should make me snickerdoodles at least two times a week this winter. As an experiment... you know... to see if it helps.”
“An experiment?” Jess asked with a cocked brow.
“Yes. We’ll do it for science.”
“Come here,” she smirked, pulling Casey in for a kiss.
They rested their foreheads together after breaking away, Jess lovingly caressing the back of Casey’s head. 
“You know I’ll do whatever I can to help. You know that, right?”
“I do,” Casey grinned. “I hope you know how much it means to me.”
“I do,” Jess smiled, abruptly pulling away to grab her purse.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“Not me... we,” Jess said as she tossed Casey her coat. “I’m completely out of brown sugar and flour. How am I supposed to make you snickerdoodles tonight without them?”
“Well, then, to the market we go!” Casey said, her spirits lifted. She tugged at Jess’s hand just before they reached the door. “Jess, wait!”
Her head flung in Casey’s direction. “Yes?”
“I have a feeling... this winter will be a lot better than the ones before. It really helps when you have support.”
After gently bopping Casey’s nose with her finger, Jess placed a tender kiss on her forehead.
“You’ll be sick of me fretting by the end of it.”
“I assure you, I won’t,” Casey said as they walked down the hall. “Especially if your therapy includes snickerdoodles.”
A/N 3: If you (like me) have SAD, you can find some resources here. There is help out there! :)
@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics
Tagging others separately
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c-m-stuff · 10 months
Text
Crazy Ex
-Description: You and Spencer are together. When you found strange pictures of the two of you, you knew, this wasn't good.
-Warnings: Angst, language, kidnapping, torture, hospital
-Word count: 2941
-Note: Wow, what a long story. I think, it's one of the longest stories, I've ever wrote. This is a really angsty one, where a lot happens. But, as you know, it ends good. Enjoy!
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_________________________
Y/N POV:
Spencer and I, just arrived at my apartment. I wanted to open the door, but a big, yellow, envelope catches my attention. I took it with me, as we both entered my place. There was no sender, the whole envelope was just empty. I opened it, as my eyes got wide.
'Spence.' I called him, as he came to me.
There were a few pictures in the envelope, all pictures of us. Us walking, talking, sitting in the car... We clearly got a stalker. But, the worst part was, that on every single picture, a big, red, crotch was drew on Spencer's head. This can't be good.
'Shit.' I mumbled, while Spencer analyzed the pictures.
'This can't be good. What should we do?' I started to panic slightly.
'Calm down, love. Everything will be alright. We just tell Hotch tomorrow about it.' he tried to calm me down, but it didn't really worked.
'What if I stay here with you tonight?' he asked, as I nodded almost immediately.
'Everything will be alright, love. We just go tomorrow to Hotch, and then the team will help us catch this son of a bitch.' Spencer took me in his arms, as I relaxed a little.
For the rest of the evening, we chatted, watched tv, and finally fell asleep in bed.
_________________________
I woke up by the sound of my alarm clock going off, signaling it's time for work. As I pushed it off, and now fully opened my eyes, I froze. It was like my heart stopped a beat, while panic entered my body. Spencer was gone.
I immediately went out of bed, and went to look everywhere, while I called out his name. No response. No Spencer. I noticed, his stuff was still here, causing me to freak out even more. I tried to call him, but quickly noticed that his phone was still on the table.
I rushed my clothes on, as fast as I could, while I tried to not have a breakdown right here, right now. As I had all my stuff, I jumped into the car, and drove immediately to the BAU.
Once I arrived, I went straight towards Aaron his office. I knocked on the door, before opening it. I closed it after me, as he immediately noticed my panicked face.
'What's wrong?' he asked, as I felt the tears sting. I couldn't help it, but I was just so afraid.
'Yesterday, when we got back home in the evening, there was this envelope dropped by my door.' I spoke out, as I handed him the envelope.
'Spence and I, decided to tell you today about it, and he stayed the night with me to calm me down a bit. But, when I woke up, he was gone. Spencer was gone, Hotch.' I told the story, while Aaron looked at the pictures.
'Are you sure he isn't just here or something?' he asked me, as I shook my head.
'No, he would never leave without telling me, and all his stuff were still there. Even his phone. And, it can't be a coincidence, that we just yesterday received the envelope, and that Spencer is now gone.'
'Okey, call everyone to the conference room, now.' he ordered, which I did.
Not much later, I gathered everyone in the conference room. They all looked worried, since I didn't told them what was going on, but they all noticed my panicked state.
'Are you okey, pretty girl?' Derek asked, as I went to stand in front of the screen.
'No, everything is terrible. Yesterday, Spencer and I, received an envelope.' I began to tell the story again, while Aaron spreads the pictures on the table.
'Spencer offered to spend the night with me, trying to calm me down a bit. Today, Spencer was gone. His phone, and all his other stuff, are still at my place.' I breathed heavily, as I felt the tears sting again.
Everyone's face went immediately to extremely worry, the girls came over to me, to comfort me.
'We will find him.' JJ assured me, as she hugged me.
'(Y/L/N), do you have any idea who could have sent you this?' Aaron asked, as I tried to focus again.
'This clearly is someone who is obsessed with you. He probably sees Reid as a threat, he's the only one who stands in between you two.' Derek spoke, as I tried to think of someone who might is capable of doing something like this.
Then, it hitted me.
'Eric Kest. I've dated him for a month, only a few months before I joined the BAU. I broke up with him, because he was way too overprotective. He was always jealous, if I was with other people. When I ended our relationship, and contact, I've never heard anything from him again. I think, he is capable of doing this.'
'Garcia-' Aaron called out, before cutted off by her.
'On it.' she answered, as I relaxed a little bit, trying to convince myself that Eric is the unsub, and that we can quickly put him in handcuffs.
It only took a few seconds, and Penelope gave us his address, as we ran to the SUV's.
__________________________
As we arrived at his home, I realized he had moved. I didn't knew this house. We already wore the bullet proof vests, as Derek kicked in the door. We all went in, our guns pointed for us.
'Clear!' I heard a few times, before realizing he wasn't here. Eric wasn't. Spencer wasn't.
Suddenly, Aaron's phone began ringing, as he putted it on speaker.
'Is he there?' we all heard Penelope ask, as Aaron answered.
'No, he isn't.'
'Okey, guys, you have to come back. The unsub has sent me a video. With Reid on it.' my heart sank, at her words.
Quick after the phone call ended, we went back to the BAU.
_________________________
The video was already waiting for us on the screen, as we entered the conference room. And, there he was. The love of my life, sitting on the ground, bruises everywhere.
'Guys, isn't that a lot of blood loss? Look at his behavior, he is in constant pain. I think, he might got shot.' Emily pointed out, and we all looked a little closer, and saw that she was right.
I began to panic again. This was not good. He already got shot, and was loosing a lot of blood. The sight of seeing him in so much pain, broke my heart.
'Garcia, are you able to trace Eric his phone?' Aaron asked her.
'No, sir. His phone is off.'
Then, the sound of ringing filled the room.
'Are you ready?' Aaron asked me, as I nodded.
'He can't know that we are here. He needs to think that you are alone. If we say something, he may get scared and breaks the connection.' David spoke, as I nodded in agreement.
He picks up, turning the phone on speaker.
'Hello?' I asked, as I heard loud breathing on the other side of the line.
'(Y/N)? Is that you, baby?' I heard a familiar voice speaking. Eric.
'Yes, it's me. Listen, I need to know where you are.' I spoke, as we in the meanwhile still could see Spencer on the screen.
'Oh, no. Not that fast. First, we're going to play a little game.'
'Game? What for game?'
'Okey, I ask you 3 questions. Per question, you have exactly 3 seconds to answer. To make it easier, I will count. If you get the answer right, nothing will happen. If you answer wrong, I will hurt your little boyfriend.' my eyes got wide, as a huge responsibility was placed in my hands.
'And-and, what if I don't answer?'
'Well, if you don't answer, I will get mad for ruining my game.(Y/N), I have a gun here. You do the math.' he threatened me.
I wanted so badly to cry at that moment, but I held my tears in. He can't know, how scared I was. In the meanwhile, everyone's eyes got filled with concern, fear, and some with tears.
My most important goal now, was anwer the questions. No matter what, answer always the question.
'Are you ready?' he asked me, as I tried to concentrate me.
'Y-yes.'
'What is Spencer his IQ?' before he could even count, I called out the answer.
'187!'
'Wow, I'm impressed. That's correct.'
'Next question. What does Diana suffer from?' this time, I needed a little more time.
'3...2...-'
'Schizophrenia!'
'Just on time. You needed a little more time, didn't you? Wait, let me make it easier for you.' he said, while I heard footsteps.
'Spencer, say something to you girlfriend, huh?' Eric ordered him, as we saw him look up on the screen.
The unsub came in sight, confirming it really was Eric, as he went to Spencer. He squatted down, before slapping him in the face. I heard Spencer whine, as he breathed heavily.
'Say something!' Eric yells at him.
'H-hi, (Y/N).' he tried to exclaim.
We all clearly saw that he was in lots of pain. If we aren't there fast, he might-
'So, are you ready for the last question?' Eric pulled me out of my dark thoughts, as tears were now fully rolling down my cheeks.
'Y-yes.'
'Watch out, (Y/N). You have only 3 seconds to answer, or else bye bye Spencer.' he putted more pressure on me, and I clearly could feel that.
'Okey, how long have we been together? I need to know the exact date. So, for how many months and days?'
I couldn't think straight, there was so much pressure on me, I was so in panic.
'3...-'
'One month and...' I began, as I tried my hardest to remember the date we broke up.
'...2...-'
'10 days!' I shouted, praying this guess was right.
'You answered that just on time, baby. Unfortunately, your answer is wrong. We were together for one month and 12 days. And, now your stupid boyfriend needs to pay the price for your mistake. How sad.'
We all looked at the screen, seeing Eric getting closer to him.
'NO, NO, NO, DON'T HURT HIM!' I cried out.
But, he didn't listen. He took out a pocket knife, while he squatted down. I saw Spencer shaking his head, while he kept saying "no". My heart broke, as we all heard Spencer cry at the pain. Eric stabbed him in the stomach, causing blood to flow out.
'PLEASE STOP! ERIC, STOP PLEASE!' I cried out, as he broke the connection.
All I could do was cry, as the girls ran towards me, comforting me in their hugs. However, they tried their best to calm me down, it still didn't work.
'This son of a bitch!' Derek slammed his fist on the table, in anger.
'We will find him, (Y/N)' JJ assured me.
'Garcia, could you trace his phone?' I heard Aaron asking.
'No, the bastard probably used a disposable phone.'
'(Y/N), I know this is hard for you, but can you please look at the screen? Do you recognize anything?' Aaron continued, as I wiped my tears off.
I came closer to the screen, still seeing Spencer cry from all the pain. I didn't had much sight, only the walls. It looked like the walls were from wood, and he was in a very small room. Then, I saw it.
There was hanging a little drawing, in the corner of my sight. I only could see half of it, but I would recognize it everywhere. It was a drawing, I once drew. I always loved to draw, and it's not that I'm a professional or something, but it wasn't that bad, either. And, I remembered, I drew that once for him.
'The drawing. When we were together, I drew that for him. His favorite place in the world, are the woods. And, when he still lived in his old house, there were woods not that far. In the woods, there was a wooden hut. He's there.' I spoke with so much confidence, that the chances we find Spencer on time, were getting bigger.
'Let's go!'
__________________________
We drove with high speed to the wooden hut. When we arrived, Derek kicked the door in.
'FBI! DON'T MOVE!' he yelled, furious.
We wore our bullet proof vests, and pointed our guns at Eric. As the idiot he was, he immediately gave himself over, while Derek arrested him.
'(Y/N)? How could you? I thought you loved me.' were the last words Eric said to me, as they took him away.
I immediately made my way to Spencer, who was still sitting on the ground, tears filled his eyes.
'Spencer!'
'(Y/N)?' he asked, a little unsure, as he was struggling to keep his eyes open.
'Yes, Spence, it's me. Everything is going to be okey. You're safe now. The medics are on its way.' I tried to calm him, as I gave a good look at him. He was full covered with blood.
'Spence, can you tell me when you got shot?' I asked him, as he once more struggled with keeping his eyes open.
'Before he putted the camera on.'
This was not good. Where are those damn medics? Just like it was destiny, the medics arrived. I moved away, giving them space. With tears in my eyes, I saw the love of my life in pain, as I felt a hand on my shoulder.
'He is going to make it, (Y/N).' Derek assured me.
'I-I don't know. He got shot right before the camera went on, he lost a lot of blood and-' I rambled, as Derek pressed me into a hug.
'He is going to make it. We need to have a little trust. Everything will be alright.' he spoke to me, as he gave me a little more hope.
'Thank you, Derek. I really needed that.' I admitted, as I pulled away a little, to look him in the eyes. So, he could see my appreciation. He gave me a soft smile in return.
Then, we all drove to the hospital.
__________________________
Scared. We all were the whole day scared. In the hospital, it was no different. We waited for so long, were scared for so long, as finally the doctor came to the waiting room.
'Spencer Reid?' he asked, as we all looked up.
'The surgery went well. He is going to make a full recovery. You can visit him, but I would recommend that first only one person goes. After that, you all can go.' he explained, as I followed the doctor to Spencer's room.
I went inside, and walked immediately towards him. He was still asleep, but that didn't bothered me. He was going to make a full recovery. He is alive.
I gently stroked his hand with my thumb. A few moments passed, as he slowly opened his beautiful eyes. I couldn't help, but smile.
'Hey, you.' I softly said, as he gave me a sweet smile.
'Hey.'
'Are you feeling okey? Are you in any pain?'
'I don't feel a thing.' he replied, as I let out a relieved breath.
'That's good. The painkillers are working.' once more, my eyes filled with tears. But, this time it were happy tears.
'Hey, don't cry, love.' he comforted me.
'I can't help it. I was just so scared. We were all so scared. I'm sorry, Spence. I'm really sorry, I couldn't remember the exact date, Eric and I dated. Because, if I knew, he wouldn't hurt you more. And-'
'Shhh, it's okey. Love, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. This wasn't your fault. You guys saved my life.' he assured me, and he spoke it so serious, that I knew he was right.
Then, the door went slightly open. The team came in. Our family. They all gathered around Spencer's bed.
'You don't know how worried we were!' Penelope exclaimed.
'How are you feeling, kid?' David asked.
'Don't feel a thing.' he replied, before his face turned with confusion.
'Wait, how did you guys found me?' he continued, as everyone gave a look at me.
'Well, actually pretty girl found your location. She recognized a drawing she once drew for the psycho. She then remembered his favorite place, and there you were.' Derek explained, while I blushed a little.
'Really? You found the location? I'm so proud of you! Thank you, guys. And, thank you, (Y/N).' he thanked us, smiling.
'Well, that was the least I could do. Since, my crazy ex-boyfriend has developed such an obsession for me.' I teased, as we all chuckled.
'Guys, I really need to thank you all. I couldn't have done it without your help. Thank you, for keeping my boyfriend alive.' I thanked them, as they all nodded. I glanced at Spencer, and shared a loving stare.
'You two really are the perfect couple. The way you look at each other, with so much love. It's beautiful to see.' Emily admitted, as Spencer and I, both smiled, and shared a loving kiss.
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sunshine-on-my-mind · 2 years
Text
I’ll give you everything
pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
words: 2.3k
warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, Implied Smut, Angst, Mentions of sleeping together, Crying, Few Soft moments, Kissing, Happy Ending.
a/n: Hey cuties, so I really felt like writing something angsty and here I am. Hope you all like it. (Pic isn't mine)
REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.
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You didn’t know what it meant, if it did mean anything at all. All you knew was that you’d do anything for the man you loved. The man you gave your heart to, without him even knowing.
But Steve didn’t need your heart, you knew that, so you gave him everything else, you gave him anything he wanted.
Even if that was only the heat of your body, which he needed underneath him to forget about the rest of the world, to finally feel that he belonged somewhere.
Steve Rogers, the man out of time, always felt he didn’t belong there, no matter how many friends he made, no matter how many missions he went on to, no matter how many times he helped in saving the world. There was something missing. Steve, he himself was missing from the present, because he was focused on living in the past.
Then came you. A nervous assistant, not even sure how you could help the superheroes but they always made you feel appreciated for the work you did for them.
Everyone interacted with you, the quiet assistant who mostly kept to herself. Not that you didn’t admire the Avengers, it was just that you were slightly intimidated by them.
Gradually though you became friends with everyone. Everyone except the man who was usually quieter than you.
You didn’t even remember how things started with Steve. No, that was a lie you kept telling yourself in order to not get hurt. You did remember everything.
One night when you were working pretty late, you decided to stay the night in the Avengers tower and they were more than welcoming. Somehow you couldn’t sleep and went to the kitchen to get some water. What you didn’t expect was to find the super soldier awake, getting a bottle of water as well.
Steve didn’t notice you, well that wasn’t something different from the usual. But you decided to say something.
The man had always intrigued you, you wanted to know more about him. So many stories, so many legends surrounded the man.
“Captain Rogers, you’re up late.” You smiled at the man who only then noticed your presence, turning to face you. He smiled softly and gave you a little nod but kept quiet. Suddenly you felt anxious, maybe the man really wasn’t interested in talking to you.
You decided it’s better to grab a bottle and make your exit without making things more awkward. That’s when Steve finally broke the silence.
“I could say the same about you” Steve flashed you a charming smile and it took immense effort on your part to not keep staring at him.
“Couldn’t sleep”, You answered.
“Me neither.”
Silence enveloped you both again, but it was different. Not awkward, but comforting.
You blurred out the next lines without thinking much.
“Wanna talk?”
That wasn’t something Steve was expecting you to say. His face got all scrunched up, and you really thought you had messed up.
“Are you sure you wanna listen about this old man?” Steve asked with a soft chuckle.
“Try me, Captain”
Steve was hesitant. He never really talked to anyone about what he felt. But with you, it all felt so natural, even if he didn’t really know you much.
Steve wasn’t very good in expressing himself but you were good in reading between the lines.
You asked about his life back then and the whole time he talked about the past there was a smile on his face, a smile that was hardly ever there.
It was clear he felt out of time. Steve never ran away from being Captain America, always focused on his duty first. But maybe he missed skinny little Steve. That was what you understood from his words.
“Wow look at me go on and on.” Steve chuckled nervously and looked at you. He saw you were listening intently. “It did feel good talking to you. Thanks for listening.”
You placed your hand on his.
“It must be really tough, I’m sorry I can’t help much, but if you ever wanna talk again I’m right here. If you want anything at all I’m right here Steve.” You uttered his name in such a way that for a split second Steve found himself getting lost in it. It felt so homely.
Steve probably got in some haze and only realised what he was doing when he suddenly felt his lips against yours. The super soldier had kissed you without even thinking. Immediately he pulled away, spilling dozens of apologies.
“Hey, it’s okay Steve.” You placed a hand on his cheek. It felt like your touch had magic, something which pulled Steve towards you, literally.
That was how you ended up kissing Steve Rogers, second time that night. The kiss was no longer just a fleeting touch but so much more. There was so much longing in that kiss. As if Steve was desperately trying to get lost in the kiss, to get lost in your touch.
One thing led to another and it ended with Steve between your legs, and you on his bed. It was euphoric but the melancholic notion didn’t escape the scene fully. When the haze was over, Steve looked at you.
Neither of you spoke a word, just focused on catching your breath. You could feel that Steve didn’t know what to say, at heart he was still old school. But you didn’t want him to take another burden, the man already had so much on his plate, so you made the decision of leaving his room after pressing a soft kiss on his sweaty cheek.
Steve was really trying his best to formulate words but the lump forming in his throat was stopping him. You could see the man in a turmoil so you broke the silence.
“It’s alright Steve. It’s okay. Get some sleep now hmm?” You held his face with your hands and he gave you a small smile.
You left his room and settled back in the guest room. It all happened so fast. Only after closing the door, did the realisation hit you. It was bound to get a little complicated but in that moment you just focused on Steve.
The way his body moved against yours, you could feel Steve getting relaxed. As if for sometime he forgot about everything else.
You started staying back at the Avengers compound quite a lot. On almost all these nights you had your encounters with Steve. An unspoken arrangement had developed between the two of you.
You knew in your heart it probably didn’t mean anything but you couldn’t help falling for the man. The want to take care of Steve Rogers came so naturally to you. Steve too had found some comfort in your touch and body but he preferred not to think about it much.
What you both had, was meant to be behind the doors, you had come in terms with it. All of it was just a way of comforting Steve. Still it hurt when Steve didn’t even talk to you properly in front of others.
You could understand his point of view though. Most of the Avengers, specially Natasha was always trying to set him up. Steve made it clear he wasn’t ready. And he didn’t really want anyone to suspect anything was going on between the two of you.
Some times after missions Steve preferred to just talking to you. Talked about his mission, talked about himself. How he feared that the lines between Captain America and Steve were blurring. Not only did the super soldier feel out of time, he also felt he was losing himself.
“I feel like myself when I’m with you. I feel like Steve when I’m with you. The vulnerable boy but the determined one. We don’t really talk about whatever this is but honestly I appreciate you for just being there for me. Thank you.” Steve had told you once, while looking at you with care in his eyes. Maybe he did care about you, or maybe you were trying to believe he did.
On your birthday, Steve got you flowers. It was a small gesture but it meant the world to you. But at the same time moments like those confused you too much. You didn’t want to burden the man with your feelings but when he behaved so sweetly how could you not fall for him?
Seasons changed and went by, but your schedule of ending up in Steve’s bed remained the same. It became a habit really. A habit you became scared of letting go but you knew was inevitable in the back of your head.
On a particular night, you could sense a shift in the air. Steve preferred either spending a steamy night between your legs or just talk about anything and everything. But never had he done both on the same night. Never before.
That night Steve held you close, after his body was satisfied. The irony of the situation was that you always dreamt of being in his arms, of being close to him, so you should have been happy but you weren’t. You felt the inevitable knocking on the door.
“You know I thought that modern times have surprised me enough but today I was proven wrong. You won’t believe it, the Avengers are planning time travel, well actually Tony is. He thinks, if it is possible, we will have an upper hand while facing future challenges.” Steve told you with a soft chuckle and you held on his arm tightly.
“What do you think about it? Do you think Time Travel can be possible?” He asked.
“Maybe. I mean we have seen many impossibles becoming possible…”
“Hmm, you’re right” He pressed a kiss on your forehead. “You always are.” You could feel the tears building in your eyes. You attempted to pull away from his embrace without seeming rude but you could hardly move an inch. Steve was holding you so close.
“If time travel was possible, would you want to go to a different time?” Steve asked you. You closed your eyes, and an image appeared in front of you. An image of Steve with a big genuine smile on his face.
“Yeah, I want to be in such a time where you feel at home, a time which makes you happy.” A single tear dropped from your eye and Steve pulled you into a kiss. You could feel him mumble something against your lips but the tears falling from your eyes made it difficult to understand anything.
“Listen I-“ You interrupted Steve from speaking, putting your hand on his lips.
“It’s alright Steve. It’s okay. Get some sleep now hmm?” You repeated your words from the first night you shared. At that Steve felt tears in his eyes too. Sure he still was searching for a home, but you, you made him feel things. So he usually tried to not think about you.
But in that moment he could feel how selfishly he usually behaved.
“You really gave me everything you could, didn’t you?” You put up your most courageous smile at Steve’s question.
“Not everything. I only gave what you were ready to accept and nothing that would feel like a burden to you. Nothing you weren’t ready for.”
Steve decided to not speak further. Maybe it would be better that way, maybe he would hurt you less that way, or maybe he was just afraid to face anything.
You turned your face away from him, pretending to sleep but couldn’t. Steve kept his arm wrapped around you. He couldn’t sleep either.
The next morning you were up before Steve and left the room with one more look at him. You went back to your home and only when you were confined inside the walls of your home, did you let yourself burst into tears. You cried for a man you wanted to give your everything, but couldn’t. For a man you tried your best to be a home to, but failed.
After your tears dried up, you looked at the sunshine peeking through the windows. You realised even after everything that went down, if Steve felt happy, no matter where. No matter when. It would make you happy.
You received a text from Sam, one of your closest Avenger friends, notifying you that Tony had made some prototype Time machine and that they were planning to do some test runs.
It was happening sooner than you thought. You had a feeling that Steve would volunteer to do the test runs.
So when you got a knock on your door, Steve was the last person you expected to be there.
“What-“ Steve didn’t let you finish.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not facing the reality earlier. I’m sorry for living in the past because I was scared to accept the present. I chose to ignore what was right in front of me because the past had blinded my vision.”
He took a pause, catching his breath as he said it all quickly, he felt every second was crucial.
“When I woke up today, and didn’t find you, a realisation hit me. I lost my home once and I can’t lose it again.”
“Steve what are you saying? I thought time travel is possible now now, I thought-“ He interrupted you again.
“The only time I feel truly like myself is when I’m with you, I have already told you this. And now I’ve also realised that wherever you are, whenever you are, that is where I belong.” Steve held your hands.
“You’re my home now. And I’m so lucky to have friends who care about me, so lucky to have you. That is all I want.” Tears formed in your eyes again but this time out of disbelief and happiness.
“I’m sorry I made you cry when you have always made me smile.” Steve kissed your tears away.
“Give me another chance, please, a proper chance, I’ll make it all right. I’m ready to give you everything I can.” Steve pleaded.
You immediately wrapped your hands around his neck and he pulled you into a loving kiss. The kiss was soft and slow. There was no rush.
“So, you sure you wanna be with this old man?”
“Try me, Stevie.”
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sarahrogersevans · 1 year
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A Friend’s Coffee Date Part 2- Bucky Barnes shy!xreader fan fic
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Summary: Bucky & Y/N go out for a sushi date as their first official date after going out for coffee last time
Warnings: a bit angsty, fluffy cuteness, soft cute Bucky, reader is a bit shy, not a lot of warnings for this one
~Bucky’s POV~
I just got back from going on a mission with Sam and I missed Y/N a lot while I was gone and I got my phone out and dialed Y/N’s number to see if she wanted to go out again. I heard Y/N answer after a few rings and she said “hey you! I was just thinking about you, how are you Bucky?” I smiled hearing her voice and I replied saying “hey doll, I just got back into town and I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a date today?” Y/N said “I would love to!! Want me to meet you somewhere??” I thought about it but I really wanted to pick her up I didn’t wanna wait any longer to see her so I said “no, I’ll come by your place to pick you up in say an hour? If that’s ok?” Y/N said “Yea! Sounds good! See you soon Buck! Bye.” I went back to my place to change clothes and get ready and I had an idea in mind for where I wanted to take her & went to grab some flowers on my way.
~Y/N’s POV~
I was so excited that I was gonna see Bucky again, it had been a few days and I was starting to really miss him. I heard a knock on my door a bit later and I went to open it and Bucky was standing there holding some flowers and he smiled at me and said “hey Y/N, you look beautiful today. These are for you.” I let him walk in and he handed me the flowers and hugged me. I hugged him and said “thank you for the flowers Buck, I missed you.” Bucky kissed my cheek and said “I missed you too doll I really did, ready to go?” I pulled away to put the flowers in a vase & said “almost, let me go get my purse and my jacket one second.” He nodded and I went to my bedroom to get what I needed and I walked back out and saw Bucky looking at the photos I had on the wall and I walked over and said “hey, I’m ready!” Bucky turned to face me and said “great! Let’s go.”
I locked the door to my apartment on the way out and I said “so where are we going?” Bucky took my hand in his while we walked and he said “I was thinking we could go for sushi for our first date, I remembered when we had coffee last time that you said your favorite food is sushi so I thought we’d do that.” I was surprised he remembered I said that, I talked a lot that day and sometimes I don’t even remember what I said but I love how he always listened when I said something, I don’t feel heard much but Bucky changed all that.
We got to the sushi place and we were seated and given menus to look through and Bucky said “wow!.. everything sounds great, what kind of sushi do you usually order Y/N?” I looked through the menu and I looked at Bucky and said “hmm I order the california roll and the spicy shrimp or crab rolls what about you?” Bucky shrugged and said “I’m kind of basic and have anything that has avacado in it.” I nodded and said “gotcha, that sounds like the california roll I like those, so I have a confession to make.. please don’t laugh but, I can’t use chopsticks..” I hid my face in my hands and Bucky reached his hand over to me and said “Y/N hey it’s ok, I wouldn’t laugh at you doll. Don’t hide your face.” I uncovered my face after feeling his hand rub mine & he’s smiling and said “there you are pretty doll, I can teach you how to use chopsticks, it’s nothing to be embarrased about I promise.” I blushed and felt relieved he didn’t tease me or make fun of me and I nodded saying “I would really appreciate that Bucky thank you.” A few minutes later the server came and asked us for our order and Bucky told them what we wanted. Bucky then put his hand on mine and said “you’re so beautiful doll, I’m glad you’re here I missed you while I was gone I thought about you everyday.” I blushed and said “I thought about you too Buck I’m glad you’re home safe, I’m glad you kept in touch while you were gone it helped hearing your voice on the phone.” Bucky kissed my hand and said “of course doll I love hearing from you. You know I love you right?” I smiled and said “I love you too babe.”
When our food came I got really excited and said “oooh everything looks so good! Thank you!” Bucky saw I was nervous about the chopsticks and said “hey doll want me to help you or want me to ask for a fork? It’s up to you.” I thought for a moment and said “no, I wanna give it another try. Would you teach me?” Bucky smiled and said “of course I would Y/N! Here ok watch me ok?” I nodded and I watched how he had the sticks in his hand and he picked up a piece of sushi and he said “here like this and you keep a good grip on the sushi with the chopsticks as you lean in to eat it.” I picked up my set of chopsticks to give it a try and did what he showed me and I slowly picked up the sushi with my chopsticks and lifted it towards me almost dropping it but kept a hold of it and leaned in to eat it and after chewing each bite and swallowing I got excited and said “oh my gosh!.. I did it!” Bucky said “that was perfect doll I’m proud of you!” He got up from his seat and came over to sit down by me cupping my face in his hands and leaned in to kiss me and we made out for a minute and it was very tender and loving and I smiled in between kisses and he said “god you’re adorable, I love you Y/N.” I leaned in to hug him and said “I love you too Bucky.”
Bucky got our check from the server and be paid for our meal and we went for a walk for a bit around town and we got someone to take a photo of us with my phone & Bucky had us do a really cute pose with him standing behind me with his arms around me with his head on my shoulder and Bucky took my phone to look at the picture and said “oh that’s a good one, can I send this to myself?” I smiled and said “oh of course honey go ahead.” He quickly sent the photo his phone and handed me my phone and we got back to my apartment and I opened the door and said “hey, would you stay with me for a bit? I don’t want you to go yet.” Bucky walked in and kissed me and said “I would love to, wanna cuddle on the couch?” I nodded and we sat down on the couch and Bucky pulled me over closer to him so I’d lay on his chest and his arm wrapped around me. I got comfortable and closed my eyes and said “thank you for a wonderful date today Bucky I loved spending the day with you.” Bucky kissed the top of my head and said “anything for my girl.” He saw I had fallen asleep and pulled the blanket to cover me and whispered “goodnight doll I love you.”
Hey lovelies! Alright so I know a lot of you were wanting a 2nd part to the fan fic A Friend’s Coffee Date, I just finished writing it! I hope you all enjoy! 🤗🙂♥️♥️xx
Btw the link for part 1 will be on here, I’ll have it pasted
Taglist:
@lokiandbuckysdoll @jessybarnes
@sunshine-on-my-mind
@chrisevansdaughter
@nana1000night
@peaches1958
@writersblog20
@delicatecoffeepeanut
@anotherfuckingmarvelfanaccount
@imyourbratzdoll
@marvelstarker-mha98
@vrittivsanghavi
@precious1610
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ur1vr · 8 months
Text
je te laisserai des mots.
hobie brown x reader
tw/cw: angsty as FUCK, character death (guys pls don’t come for me), reader is happy then gets hit with alot of sad shit💔 brief description of blood/vomiting..this story had me crying while typing
(they both play piano btw)
listen to to the title of the song 🫂
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i used to have a neighbor.
His name was hobie. I usually called him “bee”. I found out he lived next to me through my favorite instrument, the piano. The piano was my way of letting my emotions out. I played and played almost everyday. Soon enough, i heard the same notes through my wall. I was surprised, at first, i didn’t know that my neighbor played the same thing as me. I felt..happy.
As evenings went by, I mustered up the courage to knock on his door. knocked once. twice.
“maybe he’s not the type to answer the door like that. eh, i respect it.” i shrugged off as i went back to my apartment.
One day a cute spider-themed sticky note slipped under my door. I went and picked it up:
“sorry for not answerin !! was busy :[“
thats cute.. i smiled slightly as i left my apartment to go to his. I knocked on his door. once. twi-
He opened the door, dressed in sweatpants and an oversized shirt. He looked so so pretty. At first he was surprised why i came by, but then i held the sticky note up and slightly laughed. “Saw this just now.” You say while smiling. “Well.. i wonder who put it there” he jokingly says as he takes the sticky note from my hand, inspecting it on purpose like some detective. I laughed as i took it from him, stuck it on the side of his face, and walked into his apartment.
It was nicely decorated, plants and little trinkets here and there, but i looked to my right and saw his beautiful piano that i’ve been hearing through my walls. It was just like mine really, but different colors and-decorations. Mine was decorated with pink fake tulips on one side and a framed photo of my friends on the other, but his made me want to cry.
His was decorated with a polaroid of his friends that laid on the top part, and on the other side, was a framed photo of his mother. He kept his prized possession in shape. “Wow hobie..your piano its- beautiful.” i say as i look at it. “It’s okay, you can touch it if you’d like. jus’ not the- frame.” i look at him with a small pang in my chest. He looks at the framed photo of his beautiful mother for a good minute. He looked, sad..as if he’s been mourning for months at a time. “I’m so, so sorry for your loss hobie.” I said with comfort as i embraced him into a hug. I felt a spot my sweater turn moist. “m’ sorry love..didn’t mean to get so emotional and ruin your sweater… i jus’ feel hopeless right now.” he says, while whispering the last part knowing i couldn’t hear it, breaks out of the hug and slightly chuckles as he wipes his tears. “It’s okay, don’t worry.” I rub his arm soothingly. “so you uhm-“ he clears his throat. “Wanna play something?” I nod in agreement as we both went to sit on the long bench.
“Theres this one song i’d like to show you”
“alright, what’s it called?”
“je te laisserai des mots…was my moms favorite.”
As days like this went by, we became close friends through our hobbies and most of all..the piano, of course. One day it was raining, and i didn’t feel like doing much. I went to my piano and played the melody of the song. I started to play it daily just as practice, but now its ingrained in my mind. While i was playing, a familiar series of notes started playing through my wall. “it’s bee” i thought. We ended up playing through the whole song, our notes melting together smoothly, even though the wall separated us. Once we finished, i got up to head to my room until i heard a light sound. taptaptaptap. I laughed as i turned around, knowing where it was coming from. It was hobie, trying to make some type of sound to make it seem like he was clapping. I ended up doing the same, and it ended with laughter.
Time went by, and some things started to go, off-key. Some nights, i heard the sound of things being knocked down, or even worse, sobs. Sobs of someone i knew. I tried reaching out, but he would never open his door. I tried playing piano, no response back. I even tried his favorite. no answer. I started getting worried. I went to knock on his door. once. twice. another time. and anothe-
He opened the door slightly, and the state he was in almost made me cry on the spot. His eyes were glassy, some small tears escaping. he was wearing a long sleeved jacket, small blotches of red seeping through, some already dried. “Bee are you alr-“ “m’ fine. Jus’ leave..please.” I look at him with concern as i try again. “I’m here if you nee-“ “Jus’ go away.” He looks up at me sadly, as a signal to go. I nod in defeat as i walk back, tears flowing down my face. I tried my hardest to help him, but he kept pushing it away. It hurt me deeply. So i tried playing piano again, letting the notes echo through my space, desperately hoping that he responds back. Absolutely nothing. I stared at my hands placed on the ending note, and tears escaped from my eyes. I bit my lip, trying to suppress my cries. I end up going to bed hopeless. As i was going to bed i heard footsteps around his place. I really hope you heard what i played, please respond back. I pray in my head as i drift off into sleep.
I was woken up abruptly by a loud siren. I look out the window, flashes of red and blue. I see police cars and an…ambulance? An ambulance, nonononono. I thought loudly as i rushed out to see where the paramedics were going to. They were entering his house. Hobies house. I try to move through the small crowd of neighbors from other apartments to see the scene. When i saw what was happening, i couldn’t believe it. “Oh my god.. oh my god no no no no” i repeated as tears streamed down my face. I ask one of the police officers desperately, repeatedly asking “whats going on?” “Where are you taking him?” Questions turned into pleas. “He’s my close friend” “He’s the only thing i have at the moment.” “Please tell me.” “Please let me see him.” But then he moved away from me as of the paramedics called him into the house. When he walked back out, i could see the grief in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, but im afraid hobie has passed away due to an attempted suicide.”
My whole body felt like shutting down at that moment. My stomach fell to the floor. I felt like vomiting. My breaths quickened. “W-W-what are you talking a-about?” “N-no. He can’t be..nonono he can’t be dead. HE CANT BE.” i felt like passing out. I almost collapsed but the policeman held me up. I ended up being taken back into my apartment, but i tried not to. I didn’t want to. “No please p-please please let me see him one last time, let me see his face sir please…you don’t understand-you don’t understand-“ i sobbed uncontrollably as i was taken back.
From that day forward, i swore to never touch my piano again. But i wanted to pursue it, just for him. I attended his funeral, and i’ve always been visiting his grave. “You wouldn’t believe what i found in this box i had in my closet bee.” I whisper as i pulled out a polaroid from years ago. It was a photo of us both making stupid faces while we sat in front of the piano. “I guess we got bored in this one.” I laughed as i admired the photo, admiring him. “You were taken too soon bee…why?” I broke down. “Why didn’t you tell me anything? Did you think you would’ve looked vulnerable?” I asked sadly, like he would answer me in a second. I sniffled as i placed the cute photo beside the banquet of tulips. “I miss you so much..” i looked up at the sky painted by the sunset and hummed his favorite song.
“Je te laisserai des mots
En-dessous de ta porte…”
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prince-liest · 27 days
Note
Man.. I managed to reread "the last bus stop" twice at this point and It simply CANNOT let my brain go. It's just so good, that I lack the proper words to Express my thoughts.
Thinking about it now though, I cant help to wonder on what note we gonna end the fourth part..?? Its surely cant be that angsty.. right???
Haha, dw too much about it mate, I feel like anything ya write will be a perfect ending at this point!!!♡ You literally became my favourite AO3 author and I have my full trust in your ability to nail it everytime!
Also for a split second I wondered how would it look like if this fic took place in the same universe as your 666 series... oh man the feels this would inflict upon, welp, everything. Really wonder what Voxes reaction would be if he found out, and cant help but feel that he would kill Val himself If he had a chance hah
No unhappy endings on my page, cross my heart!
But also, damn, the POWER I HAVE JUST BEEN GRANTED. I appreciate your trust, I promise. >:D Honestly, it's just been really great that I kinda went out on a limb and wrote, like, the worst fucking thing, and everyone's responses have pretty much been, "Wow, that slapped," so: thank you!!! Genuinely extremely encouraging!!
Also, haha, OOF, someone else actually mentioned the idea of crossing The Last Bus Stop In Hell and 666verse, and my thoughts about it are here! Tl;dr: Everyone has a bad fucking time. Bad end! Bad end!!
MORE ANON ASK RESPONSES FOR THE FIC UNDER THE CUT
AINT NO WAY ALASTOR CHEWED OFF HIS OWN (angels) LEG?? he's so crazy i love him
A deer with his leg caught in a trap! What else is a cannibal to do? >:) <3
THE NEW CHAPTER WAS INSANEE ???? SCREAMING OH MY GOD ALASTOR STRAIGHT UP SHOT VALENTINO ??? (until he was nothing but mush 😨) speechless beyond words but it was SO good and cathartic omg i was literally on the edge of my seat in suspense 😭😭😭
I'm, like, mildly surprised but deeply pleased by how many people found this chapter to be cathartic. Like, it was meant to be, but I'm always faintly convinced that I'm the weird one. ILY all, thank you for joining me in my derangements.
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sunmoonjune · 2 years
Text
like the moon [five]
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pairing: poly ateez! x OC!reader (fem!reader)
warnings: talk of injury and scars, blood, death, gore, talk of shitty parent/family relationships and torture, ptsd, cursing, abuse, assassination attempt, anger, angst, hurt comfort (sort of?) the reader is also pretty nonverbal at times (wow this sounds really angsty, huh D: ) 
a/n: heyo! another chapter is here!! sorry for all the angst, but I guess we gotta get through it before all the good stuff hehe let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!
word count: 7.2k
[previous - chapter four] chapter five [next - chapter six]
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San and Yeosang keep you on bedrest for four days. 
It’s harder than you had imagined it would be. San has escorted you back into bed with a gentle scolding after the first two times you attempt to leave the bed. On the third, it’s Yeosang who catches you. He’s far less kind than San when he finds you by the desk in the corner. You had moved to lean against the corner as you read one of the medical journals stocked in a small bookshelf. It wasn’t particularly interesting, but it managed to cure the boredom for a moment or two. 
Yeosang wasn’t rough by any means, he was mostly just concerned. Though he may have appeared a little angry, he was still extremely gentle as he helped you back into the bed. Heaving a disappointed sigh, he dropped the book you had been scanning in your lap with a long glance. 
“I know you’re bored,” Yeosang’s soft voice mutters. “But you still need a day or two of resting before your rib will properly set. The more you move, the longer I’ll keep you here.”
He finishes the last sentence with a smirk tugged on the edges of his lips. It wasn’t a threat - more of a good natured jab. You had grown used to both San and Yeosang’s mannerisms and way of speaking over the past half week. They were your only company besides the daily check-in from Hongjoong. 
The leader popped in every evening before you went to sleep. You were unsure of his motive, but you figured he wanted to make sure you weren’t doing anything dangerous. 
For the remainder of the following four days, the two healers do everything they can to keep you entertained. They aren’t always available, since they both still have duties to attend around camp, but they do all they can. San captivates you with stories of his childhood and of the other boys. He’s a fantastic story teller. His expressions are silly and his tone is excited as he recalls adventures of his youth. 
Yeosang is a little more quiet, but you don't mind. The two of you often sit in silence with a book open in each of your laps. If Yeosang has deemed your behavior well enough - meaning you haven’t attempted an escape that day - he’ll read his book aloud. His voice is deep and mellow. It washes over you in a restful calm, sending shivers down your spine and heat to your cheeks. 
You don’t speak much to either of them. Other than a few miscellaneous phrases, you’re mostly silent. Neither seem to mind, however. In fact, Yeosang seems grateful for the quiet for once. Most of the talking is done by San, who murmurs excitedly as he completes your daily check-up.
Though you try not to, you’ve grown quite fond of the two healers. It took you by surprise on the eve of the third day when you naturally turned to wait for Yeosang to arrive to start your evening reading session. It’s a strange feeling that you’ve only experienced perhaps twice before. 
The notion scares you. Attachment only leads to pain. In the past, every person you’d cared for had left; whether by force or by their own doing, they all left. 
It’s too quickly for you to become attached to either of these men. But as San’s happy, honeyed filled voice cheers about his day and Yeosang’s deep, gentle one fills the silence, you can’t help it. Both boys have treated you kinder than anyone has in your entire life, aside from Yunho, of course. They change your bandages without asking and soothe your grunts of pain when you attempt to suppress them. 
Yeosang even gently wiped down the material of your mask once when you were nodding off to sleep. In the past, you’d never been able to sleep comfortably with others in the room. You were too paranoid of what they’d do in your sleep. It had happened before. 
But after the first two nights, Yeosang started to stay until you’d dozed off. He’d continue to read until you couldn’t keep your eyes open for another moment. Then his hands would shut his book so quietly and carefully pull the sheets up to cover the rest of your body. On the fourth night, Yeosang tenderly rubbed a damp cloth along the side of your mask to clear it of any debris. 
You nearly cried. 
The mask had been nothing but the birthplace of anguish for so long. People looked upon it with sneers and hatred. “Filthy, gray mutt,” they’d hiss as you walked by. 
But Yeosang had never looked at you with such contempt. His eyes never lingered on the mask, nor did they scrutinize its presence. Instead, he softly cleaned it, as if he thought it was important to you. 
 It’s on the morning of the fifth day that San helps you to your feet. The three of you practice walking back and forth across the medical wing for the day. Though you don’t necessarily need it, as you’re able to suppress the ache, you still walk gingerly at San’s side. You approach Yeosang who’s eyes don’t leave your form. He knows you’re good at masking the pain, but he still tries to keep an eye out for visible discomfort. 
“Great job, Bug!” San croons happily as you cross the room for a final time. The praise makes your body hum and your cheeks warm. 
On the sixth day, Hongjoong calls for you. 
You’re nervous beyond belief when Yeosang relays the message. You knew this moment would come. There had been a sneaking suspicion in your mind that Hongjoong’s nightly visits may have been to assess your healing. You had figured that as soon as you had enough strength, he’d send you away from his camp. 
You wished you had more time. 
Though you hadn’t known them long, San and Yeosang had handled you with such care. You didn’t want to leave. 
And Yunho. 
You’d only just gotten him back. He'd only appeared in the medical wing once when you were awake, but he visited every night after you’d fallen asleep. His hands gently brushed against your skin. They savored every moment of contact that he’d been so deprived of. His finger gently intertwined with the strands of hair that twisted against a clump of his. The rings clicked as his finger twirled the pieces. 
He couldn’t believe you'd kept it, let alone interwoven them with a lock of his hair. The silver rings shone against the light of the full moon, so small in his hands. He still remembers when they’d been cut from him. Soldiers were pulling at his body, dragging him from the arena with the sounds of your cries filling his ears. When the blade passed over his forehead, he hadn’t flinched. Yunho’s eyes were too focused on yours as you both struggled against your captors. 
There’s still a faint scar just above his left eyebrow from the wound. 
San is the one to escort you to Hongjoong’s chamber. 
With only the moon in the sky to guide your steps, you trudge slowly down the cavern’s long hallways. They wind through the cave with open skylights letting in the sine of the moon. Cool night air brushes against your skin, allowing goosebumps to form under the surface. 
When you reach his door, your heart thuds loudly in your chest. You're rubbing your fingers together in an anxious manner and counting your heartbeats like you’ve practiced. 
San’s eyes scan your body once more, taking note of your nerves before he reaches a hand out. You barely flinch when they reach for your hand. The past week had taught you that San was extremely physically affectionate. He was patient with you, retracting slowly when you flinched and backed away. Even so, he’d helped you learn to anticipate his touch throughout your checkups. You still blanch at the touch, but at least there’s less violent memories thrumming in your mind. His fingers gently grasped your wrist, pulling your fingernails away from where they’d been peeling at the cuticles. 
“Hey,” San whispers. “It’s going to be okay, Bug. I promised, right?” Over the words, there’s two gentle squeezes of your hand. Then the dark haired boy draws his pointer finger from your wrist to your palm in a single line. The faintest of grins reaches your lips. 
You’d taught San the word on one of the days you were feeling less verbal. Well, more than usual, you suppose. 
Promise. Two short squeezes, and a line drawn from the wrist to the palm, directly over the pulse. 
San had been so excited to learn the word. He'd taken to using it whenever the two of you departed from each other. You'd found it a little silly, but the sunshine filled smile on the boy’s cheeks made it hard to resist. 
With a heavy nod and a long glance, San drops your hand and turns to descend back down the hallway from which you came. And with another deep breath, you raise your hand to knock on the door. 
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From inside the room, Hongjoong sits at his desk, scribbling at a piece of parchment. He raises his head at the knock. At this point, Hongjoong can tell who is at his door by the way they enter the room. Each of his partner’s has a different knock. Though some of them - he won’t say names, choose not to knock and instead invite themselves inside. 
From the hesitation, Hongjoong can tell it’s you at his door and not one of his lovers. 
“Come in.”
Slowly turning the door handle, you quietly make your way into the room. Your eyes are on your feet and your back is pin straight. Steps calculated, you reach the front of his desk before stopping and placing your feet shoulder width apart. Your arms are drawn behind you, hands linked at your back. With your shoulders back and stance strong, Hongjoong can tell this is how you've been trained to stand. He’s seen other soldiers assume this stance when speaking to their superiors. 
Although, the other soldiers he’d trained kept their heads forward, with their gazes focused ahead. 
You, however, keep your eyes on the floor. Your head is bowed submissively and your neck strained forward, almost as if you’re offering the weakest part of you for slaughter if he commanded it. 
Hongjoong shivers at the thought. 
He hesitates before speaking as if he were still a commander, “At ease.”
For a second, neither of you move. Hongjoong watches as the slightest tension in your shoulders relaxes before you’re frozen again. You don’t adjust your stance, and you certainly don’t shift positions. 
Hongjoong slightly shakes his head. He wonders what it will take for you to let go. You’re still tense, unbelievably so. There’s tightness in every muscle in your body, as if you’re ready to spring for an exit. He knows you won’t. 
The silence in the room continues for what feels like an eternity. 
Then Hongjoong moves. He stands from his seat and makes his way to the front of the desk. Leaning against the wood, Hongjoong puts his hands on the desk behind him and rests his weight on them. He scrutinizes you again with piercing eyes before he sighs. 
A hum leaves his throat. “San and Yeosang have told me you’re progressing well.” 
You don’t respond, you’ve learned not to. 
Hongjoong waits for a response - even just a nod of your head or a sound of agreement, but nothing comes. He knows that you harness a kind of apprehension for authority figures, but he had no idea the suffering pierced this deep. 
After another beat of silence, Hongjoong sighs. 
“I’m not going to banish you.”
The words wash over you in a wave of relief. You manage a shaky sigh, one that  causes your lungs to jolt as you breathe. However, you don’t let his words fool you. You can hears the hesitation in his words, there’s an exception he hasn’t uttered. 
“At least I don’t want to,” he continues. He taps his finger against the wood beneath him as he thinks. “Yunho has told me what he thinks has happened. But I can’t trust a simple guess.” 
You remain still.
“Yunho’s faith in you doesn’t change the fact that Seonghwa found you on the outskirts of our territory covered in blood and grime, with life-threatening injuries. I don’t know what you’d done before that point, but it’s obvious you took down your share of soldiers in the fight.” 
Hongjoong leans forward as he speaks, trying to meet your gaze. “You’re a skilled fighter, that I can tell without Yunho’s insight. It’s because of that - I can’t trust you not to hurt the members of my clan.” 
Another deep sigh sends a jolt of accustomed pain through your chest. You’re tempted to shift on your feet, but you hold your body still and unmoving. He hasn’t finished. You know there is something Hongjoong wants - he wouldn’t keep you waiting like this otherwise. 
“Unless-” Hongjoong continues. “Unless you can tell me what happened that night.”
For the first time since you entered the room, your head lifts from its bowed position. Ever so slowly, you raise your gaze to meet Hongjoong’s. The man is leaned forward, his dirty blond hair resting gently against his neck and his sword still strapped to his hip. The blood red jewel glows ominously in the dark.
When your single eye meets the two of his, there’s a moment where scars clash. Hongjoong’s left eye has a clean, white scar stretching from forehead to cheek. It’s not deep enough to affect his sight at all, but the scar sends a reminder of stinging pain through the right side of your head. They’re different, the scars. Yet, perhaps not so much. Hongjoong has the courage to wear his scars uncovered. They sit exposed, for all eyes to see. 
Yours remain hidden. Covered with a mask, hidden so deep you fear they’ll never come to light. 
A beat of silence passes and you begin to naw on your inner cheek. If you told him the truth, would he believe you? Even then, would he consider it a good enough excuse to allow you to stay? Or would he be so horrified, that he’d order for your immediate execution? Too many possibilities race through your head and you’re unable to keep up with the speed at which your brain is running. 
“Gray.” 
Hongjoong’s voice isn’t malicious as he speaks the title, not like the others. Despite that, the name makes you flinch in a way Hongjoong hasn't seen before. You jerk violently back into the submissive position you previously maintained: head bowed, neck forward. There’s a far away look in your eyes. It’s almost as if the name itself triggered your behavior, but Hongjoong can’t be sure. 
“Tell me what happened that day.” It’s an order. You’ve been trained not to disobey. 
So you do. 
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Another three days pass before Hongjoong allows you to join the rest of the clan outside. 
After recounting the events that lead up to your exile, Hongjoong was silent. You didn’t tell him anything other than what he had asked for, so you were unsure if he’d understood you’re reasoning. However, the clan leader simply just nodded his head and dismissed you. The silence was deafening. It clawed at your brain and seeped into your skin, causing a layer of anxiety to make your skin itch. 
You didn’t sleep that night. 
Hongjoong sends Jongho to the medical wing in the morning with a message. He’ll allow you to stay within his clan as long as you agree to some of his terms. The first was that no harm was to come to any of the clan members. You couldn't have any of your weapons back for the time being, but when you were deemed trustworthy, you were not to turn against any of the boys.
The second was that you had to participate in camp duties once you were deemed healthy enough. You had no objections to either rule as they were not so different from those you were confined to previously. Heavy lifting and dirty work were not new experiences. You only hoped Hongjoong’s clan members were more forgiving. The memory of a whip bearing down on your back still stings. Scars both new and old twinge under your skin. The fabric rubs uncomfortably against those on your back, but you will never express it. 
Jongho explained that Hongjoong would express the rest of his terms later that day, before he turned on his heel and left. 
San had squealed in delight and shook his shoulders excitedly. “You did it, Bug! Joong-hyung is going to let you stay!” 
Yeosang had nodded along with his partner’s words, a warm and genuine smile gracing his lips. 
Then, another five days later, Yeosang clears you for participating in some of the lighter duties to be performed around camp. He tells you to hold off on heavy-lifting for at least another few weeks, fixing you with a firm glare as he does so. It’s a difficult turn of events. In the past, you were expected to take on most, if not all of the heavy tasks. The villagers had no regards to your physical or mental health, and skipping a task due to a broken rib would only result in fifteen or more lashings. 
However, you’re beginning to trust San and Yeosang. You hope what they say is true, and you shouldn’t have to worry about tearing open stitches or cracking another rib. 
For the past few days, you helped the two in the medical wing. You worked in mostly silence, organizing drawers and reading medical textbooks until your brain felt fuzzy. You were used to more physical labor: things like hefting heavy bags over your shoulders and lugging them to the other side of camp. Of course, you’d reach the edge of the territory before you were alerted you were given the wrong destination. Such a mistake had cost you fifteen lashes over your palms. The skin had split and it was difficult to continue with the rest of your daily tasks, but you wouldn’t be caught again - the second punishment was always less forgiving. 
Over the course of the next few days, San helped you grow accustom to the layout of the camp. He guided you through the long winding hallways of the cavern and helped you learn the boundaries off the territory. He often paused, expecting you to need a break due to your injured state, but you simply fixed him with a confused look and motioned for him to continue. It seemed that your physical wellbeing didn’t matter much to you, San worried. 
By the end of your fourth week in the camp, you had a decent layout of the territory memorized. San had helped you scout the borders of their territory, pointing out landmarks that marked the end of their land. You had been relived to find that their borders didn’t reach those of your old camp; you were more than happy to put as much distance between you and them as possible. 
When the fifth week of your stay began, Yeosang allowed you to begin helping with physical labor. He hadn't said it aloud, but he expected San to keep a close eye on your activities. Based on your previous behavior, the two healers knew you'd jump directly into demanding tasks if given the opportunity. Your own physical well-being was often disregarded when it came to obeying orders, it seemed. 
Neither of the boys wanted to imagine the scenarios that trained you to think such a way. 
Yeosang had guided you outside the cavern as the sun rose. Though you no longer needed guidance through the tunnels, both Yeosang and San insisted leading you around. You didn't mind - even if they were doing so out of obligation - the two had become good company. Their presence didn’t require extra vigilance on your part. You often found yourself allowing a sense of calm to wash over you when in the same room as either boy. Though your guard was still raised, as always, the two men brought a sense of peace you’d never felt before. 
Besides, neither boy was hard on the eyes. 
“This morning, you can start helping Seonghwa-hyung and Wooyoung gather firewood - we’re running low on our stock, and Winter is going to start soon.” 
Startled from your thoughts at Yeosang’s voice, you shook yourself of the morning haze. Meeting his gaze, you nodded a bit hesitantly. Though you had no issue with Seonghwa, you’d never met Wooyoung. You’d heard San speaking of him; he was clearly close with the other man, but you were unsure of meeting another member. 
Seonghwa was gentle, as Yeosang and San were. He was obviously a warrior, with defined muscles and calm demeanor that suited a soldier. Fingers worn from the string of his longbow and forearms sturdy, Seonghwa was a proficient archer. His dark hair hung in front of his eyes, but his smile was warm underneath the fringe. Seonghwa was a bit quiet - reserved, maybe - but his disposition was nothing but gentle. 
He'd sent you a warm smile, just the barest of upturned lips, before he shifted to reveal a second figure from behind his form. The man, who you assumed was Wooyoung, did not suit a similar look. Instead, his mouth was downturned in a frown that seemed reminiscent of a snarl. 
He was muscular, Wooyoung. Thick thighs obviously toned with years of training and tense biceps revealed his strength. The length of his hair just brushed the bottom of his neck, split into two colors. The top half was a dark black, as Seonghwa’s was. However, the bottom was a bright blonde that reminded you of beams of sunlight on an early morning. The top half was tied back into a messy ponytail to avoid obscuring his vision. 
If it weren't for the glare he fixed you with, you’d have trouble tearing your eyes from his form. It seemed all the men in this camp were attractive beyond belief. Wooyoung’s honeyed skin and sharp jawline had your eyes lingering, before you tore them away to meet Seonghwa’s gaze. 
Shifting on your feet, an anxious pit in the bottom of your stomach reemerged. Wooyoung was nearly radiating hatred. Setting your shoulders back, you allowed your features to drop into a look of practiced calm. The motion was easy. Years of training and punishment made it all too simple to drop back into an appearance of apathy. 
Seonghwa nearly grimaced. As a skilled bowman, his eyes were that of a hawk. Nothing escaped his gaze - not the tension in your shoulders, and certainly not the subtle shifts to apathetic nature. He was trained to notice the slightest of movements, even the changing of breathing patterns was noted by Seonghwa. 
He’d been delighted to watch the progress you’d made with San and Yeosang. Your jaw had slowly begun to unclench and your shoulders were beginning to loosen in their presence. When he’d visited the medical cavern, Seonghwa even noticed the subtle changes in your breathing. At first, each inhale matched each exhale in a motion of practiced control. They were nearly identical in every way: length, depth, strength - everything. For reasons Seonghwa couldn’t imagine, you’d trained yourself to breathe in such a controlled manner that it didn’t appear you were breathing at all. The movements of your chest were nearly indecipherable when you breathed. 
However when he visited the medical cavern and San was entertaining you with stories of his mischief, the pattern changed. Each exhale was no longer timed, and your chest clearly rose and fell with each breath. The notion brought a warmth to Seonghwa’s chest that he couldn’t describe. 
San and Yeosang were not hard to like. Seonghwa was more than glad you’d taken to at least a few members of their group. The fear in your eyes when he’d first seen you awake, was a look Seonghwa did not want to see again. 
Seonghwa could only hope today wouldn’t ruin any of the progress you’d made so far. The grovels that left Wooyoung’s lips as they maneuvered the tunnels this morning, furthered Seonghwa’s worry. 
“Good morning,” Seonghwa gently murmured. His voice was soft, but his eyes were kind, so you gently returned the statement with a nod. 
Wooyoung did not speak. 
His jaw only tightened, and he looked away. You know not to instigate him. The wrath of angered clan members had already left you with more than a fair few scars. 
Yeosang shared a knowing look with Seonghwa. The two communicated something wordlessly, before Yeosang turned back to you. 
“Will you be alright? You can always come back to help San-ah and I, if you want.” 
A scoff leaves Wooyoung’s lips. It’s coupled with a roll of his eyes as he turns to look the other way. The gesture feels too familiar. 
You shake your head. 
“Okay,” Yeosang mutters. 
He makes his way over to Seonghwa and leans into his space to whisper something under his breath. “Keep an eye on him, will you?” 
It’s addressed to Seonghwa only. His voice was hushed enough for the two-toned boy to miss. They’re speaking about him, Wooyoung knows, but he chooses to keep his mouth shut for now. 
Seonghwa nods, understanding Yeosang has similar worries. He then gestures for you to move towards him. You do so cautiously, footsteps light and ready to flee at any moment. They haven't returned your swords yet, so the odds of you beating Wooyoung on strength alone is low. His body emanates strength, as Jongho’s did. If he wanted to hurt you, you’d only be able to hinder him, not stop him. 
Breaking tension, Seonghwa speaks. “We’re headed to the eastern border this morning. There’s a dense patch of woodland that way - we should be able to gather enough firewood for a few weeks worth.” 
You nod, indicating your agreement. Seonghwa knows you don't often offer verbal answers, so he smiles gently and motions for Wooyoung to take the lead. 
You cast a single glance over your shoulder at Yeosang as you make your way out of camp, and catch a glimpse of dark hair appearing from a nearby tunnel as you turn the corner. 
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The three of you walk for a little over half an hour before you reach the woodland Seonghwa had mentioned. He leads you into the trees, moving as though he’s done so many times before. Seonghwa has taken the leadership role of your little trio, obviously having scouted excursions like this before. 
When you reach a sunny clearing another fifteen minutes later, Seonghwa stops. He nods to Wooyoung, who returns the gesture. The younger man pulls a large wood-axe from over his shoulder and you tense. It’s almost unintentional and you manage to suppress most of it, but the anxious thought still passes through your head. They’d led you miles away from camp and given you no weapons to defend yourself; it was an excellent set up for an execution. 
However, before you can move, Wooyoung sighs and disappears into the woodland to your right. 
“He’ll be back in a minute,” Seonghwa soothes. “Wooyoung-ah will bring back a log for us to split. ‘Sang-ie doesn’t want you swinging an axe over your head just yet.” 
A slightly longer exhale indicates your relief. Seonghwa understands your hesitance to Wooyoung’s presence. He hasn’t exactly been inviting, after all. Seonghwa hopes you’re a little soothed by his company, at least. 
Seonghwa’s dark hair falls in front of his eyes as the wind rustles the trees around you, The scent of pine needles and fresh air fill your senses. A deep breath sweeps through your lungs and the smell of nature brings a feeling of calm to your otherwise chaotic thoughts. 
You lean your back against the rough bark of a pine tree. Seonghwa smiles again. His lips are full and he doesn’t show his teeth, but the pink skin of his mouth looks soft and inviting. 
With dark eyes full of warmth, Seonghwa reaches for a holster on the side of his hip. He pulls out a worn hatchet and holds it out to you. The leather handle is beginning to peel, but the blade is still sharp. It’s obviously a well-used tool. 
“I can trust you with this, yeah?” 
You make sure to meet his eyes when you grasp the outstretched handle. Nodding firmly, you move slowly to make sure he knows you won’t hurt him. You crouch and set the hatchet on the ground at your feet. 
Fiddling with the feather of an arrowhead he’s pulled from his quiver, Seonghwa fills the silence. 
“When I found you,” Seonghwa starts hesitantly, “You had two swords - katanas, I think.”
A nod follows. 
“How long have you trained with them?” 
Not wanting to answer verbally, you continue balancing on your heels and grab a stick from the debris beneath your feet. You brush some twigs away to clear some pine needles and draw the number ‘eighteen’ in the dirt. 
“Eighteen years?” He asks. 
Another nod. 
Seonghwa hums and sends you another gentle smile. “I’ve been training with my bow for about that long too.” 
While you wait for Wooyoung to return, Seonghwa continues to ask little questions. He doesn’t seem to mind when you don’t answer verbally, which you’re grateful for. The dark haired boy is delighted that you respond to his mindless questions regardless. It sends a beat of warmth down his chest to see you a little more relaxed. The tension hasn’t left your shoulders, nor has the apathetic look left your face. However, your breaths are uncontrolled. Each inhale no longer matches each exhale, and they instead are deep and calm. 
Seonghwa understands why San and Yeosang have taken to you so quickly. 
Though reserved, you make good company in the silence. You listen to each story as Seonghwa rambles; your single eye never leaving his form. Your attention is undividedly on him. The mask covering the right half of your face does not discourage him. Though, he can see the irritation of skin underneath it. He knows you won’t take it off - Yunho had mentioned you don’t even take it off when alone. Perhaps, you’ve grown used to it. 
A rustle of leaves to your right, breaks both of your attention. Seonghwa stands, ready to move to aid Wooyoung in luging a heavy log into the clearing. You move to follow him, before you hesitate. 
The footsteps are quiet. 
Each step towards the two of you is deliberate and slow. They’re placed hesitantly to reduce the cracking of twigs underfoot. 
Whoever is approaching the two of you isn’t Wooyoung. 
You can't see the shape of the person approaching, but they're clearly larger than Wooyoung. The steps are too heavy. Wooyoung doesn’t linger when he walks, he’s too headstrong to hesitate as this person does. 
When the sound of a bow being strung fills your ears, you’re already moving. 
You don't think as you dive for Seonghwa, who’s begun approaching the sound. With a grunt, you grab him by the waist and push him to the floor just as an arrow hits the tree behind the two of you. Its’ trajectory would have impaled you at the throat had you not moved. 
Seonghwa huffs as you two hit the floor. He’s startled, releasing a shout. At first, he thinks you may be taking the opportunity to escape. However, when the distinct thud of an arrow meeting wood hits his ears, he’s aware of the danger. 
Your body is over his, covering his unprotected back. Seonghwa is again caught off guard. At the first sound of danger, he had assumed you would instinctively protect yourself. However, you had immediately jumped for him. He's filled with warmth for a moment at the gesture, before he’s brought back to the intensity of the situation. 
The bow is strung again. 
Seonghwa rolls, shifting his weight over yours. He pins you to the dirt this time and ducks as another arrow flies overhead. You let yourself go limp, allowing Seonghwa to maneuver your body so that he has the ability to cover the both of you. Your skin is warm where it meets his. Scarred flesh rubs against empty skin, and you suppress a shiver. 
You look helplessly at the hatchet laying feet away. It had been abandoned when you dove for Seonghwa. Now it lay there, mocking you. Seonghwa looks frantically from the woods behind your heads to you. His teeth are gritted and his jaw is clenched. 
Seonghwa shifts the two of you again, hiding your bodies behind the shape of a fallen tree. Two more arrows hit the other side of the log, intended for your skin. 
“Wooyoung!” He cries out. 
Pulling out his longbow, he presses his back against the fallen log and you do the same. Neither of you can get a good angle to peek out at the attacker. When Seonghwa tries, an arrow meets the wood where his head would have been if he hadn’t ducked. 
With a curse, Seonghwa fiddles with the string of his long bow. The mask digs painfully into your skin and your heart races. Unable to help without a weapon, you simply look at Seonghwa. Your chest thuds and you can feel your heart beating in your throat, but the familiar feeling of battle does not frighten you. 
Your eyes shift to the arrow that was first fired. It sits embedded halfway into the trunk of the pine tree you had rested against. It had been intended for you. When you glance at the other remaining arrows, a similar sentiment can be seen. Aside from the last arrow, which had been aimed for Seonghwa, each arrowhead appears to have been meant to meet your flesh. 
When you flick your attention back to Seonghwa, there must be something lingering in your gaze. Seonghwa seems to understand your thought process, as he quickly glances at each of the arrows and then back at you. 
He seems to know what you’re planning before you finish thinking. 
The dark haired boy moves to lunge for your body, but you’ve already taken off. 
Seonghwa cries out as you dive for the opposite side of the fallen tree. Your ribs twinge at the movement, but you ignore it. An arrow flies past your head. Continuing to move, you draw the attention of the attacker towards you. As long as you don’t stand still, your distraction should provide Seonghwa with enough time to shot the archer. 
Another arrow wizzes past. 
You dive for another tree. The thud of your body against the bark will definitely result in some nasty bruises later, but you don’t care. From this angle, when you peak around the side, you can catch a glimpse of the dark form of a man wearing all black. 
Seonghwa won’t be able to get a good shot from his position. With the trees obscuring his vision, the man is nearly invisible to the dark haired archer. 
Dropping to your feet, you grip a hefty stone in your hands. Turning it a few times, you take a few practiced deep breaths. It’s all too easy to relapse into this mindset. Battle is something familiar - something you don’t have to think about. Each motion is practiced and each act is deliberate. 
But this time it's different. 
Before, the only consequence of failure was your own safety. However, now Seonghwa is at risk of getting hurt for any of your careless mistakes. If you fail now, it’s not just your body on the line. Whatever you do next, relies on Seonghwa too. You have to trust that he’ll understand your signal. 
You inhale. Five seconds. Exhale. Another five seconds. 
You cry out.
“Seonghwa!”
Then, you’re lunging forward. The stone leaves your hands, thrown directly at the attacker in front of you. 
In the next moment, two arrows are let loose from their strings. The first, hits the chest of the bowman in front of you. Before the stone could even hit the floor, Seonghwa had understood your sign. Without a view of the attacker, Seonghwa simply trusted your aim and fired where the stone would fall. Letting the arrow loose, Seonghwa lets out a hefty sigh of relief when the sound of arrow meeting flesh hits his ears. 
Seonghwa had been startled at the call of his name. It’s the first sounds he’d heard leaving your lips, yet he’s already addicted. 
The second arrow barely grazes the skin of the right side of your head before the arrowhead embeds into the tree behind you. You barely wince when the skin splits open. Blood drips down your face and into the edge often mask, but you don’t care.
Letting out another exhale, you immediately flick your attention to Seonghwa’s hiding spot. 
Before you can move to ensure his safety, Wooyoung is breaking through the tree line. Having heard Seonghwa’s shout, Wooyoung had immediately taken off in the direction he’d came. 
“Hwa? Seonghwa!” He calls. 
Seonghwa doesn’t have the time to answer before you step out from your hiding spot. 
When Wooyoung reaches the clearing, it’s you he sees first. Then, his sight shifts to the body of the bowman near his feet. His gaze shifts from worried to angry and his mouth curls into a snarl. His fists clench and the fingernails dig into his skin, 
“You.” 
It’s spoken with so much venom, that you’re frozen solid. The tone is too familiar. Too much of his body language is reminiscent of previous situations. Even despite the battle, you’re more afraid now than you were before. Something in his snarl and cold eyes sends a shiver down your spine and your heart into your throat. 
Wooyoung lunges. 
Seonghwa is just standing from his crouched position as Wooyoung pushes you into the dirt. 
“Wooyoung, stop!” 
The cry leaves Seonghwa’s lips. It does nothing to stop Wooyoung. 
He has you pushed into the dirt, wrists pinned underneath his fists. The grip digs into your skin and you struggle underneath him. Despite all your training, you don’t match Wooyoung’s physical strength, so you struggle uselessly underneath him. 
“This is your fault!” Wooyoung spits. “I knew this would happen!”
The words strike a chord. There was a similar phrase being spit in your face not so long ago. Your chest is both empty and overflowing at the same time. Suddenly, you’re not in the forest anymore. Instead, it’s a familiar territory that makes your blood run cold. 
Before Wooyoung can do anything else, Seonghwa is there. 
The older boy pries Wooyoung from your form, holding back his partner as he struggles in his grip. The two-toned boy is practically hissing as he wriggles in Seonghwa’s arms. 
“Let me go!” 
“No-” Seonghwa grunts. “It wasn’t her! Wooyoung, please!” 
Their struggle barely reaches your ears. When you hit the floor, buried memories begin to resurface. Flashes of a whip against your skin cross your mind. Shouts and taunts of the name ‘Gray’ ring against your skull. Hands are gripping your skin and pulling at your clothes. There’s rope against your wrists and it pulls tight against the skin,
While Seonghwa struggles against Wooyoung, a hazy look falls over your eye. Your body is limp, but your manage to shift into a deep bow. Knees pressed into the dirt and hands following suit, you squeeze your eyes shut. The right eye stings painfully. 
You’re barely breathing. Your mind is no longer connected to your body. Wooyoung’s words had sent you into a mindset you only fell into in dire circumstances. 
Digging your head into the dirt, the mask painfully pushes into your forehead. Tears well in your eyes and you try to swallow them down as memories flash past in waves. Nausea rises in your stomach and the acid bubbles in your throat. There is no controlling your heart rate now, as it beats painfully in your chest. The sound of its thumping pulse rings in your eardrums.
Your left eye leaks a tear. 
The right burns beyond belief. The massacred tear duct is unable to allow the tear through, so instead, a droplet of blood leaks down your cheek. When the tear duct is finally reopened from the force of your cries, it’s blood that drips down your face. It seeps out the bottom of the mask and into the dirt.
Choking back a sob you know will get you punished, you cry out. 
“’M sorry!” The word is spit out in a sob. “I’m sorry! ‘S my fault - it’s my fault.” 
You whimper the words into the dirt, chest heaving and sobs barely concealed. 
Wooyoung stops his struggle at your words. He goes limp in his partner’s arms, shifting his attention back to you. Seonghwa follows, and the two boys are met with your limp figure in a deeply postured bow. The first words they’ve heard you speak are muttered into the mud. Your face is pressed into the floor and your entire body trembles. A choked heave leaves your lungs, and Seonghwa lets Wooyoung go with a furrowed look. 
When the men shift, you freeze. 
Your entire body goes rigid. A beat passes, and then you’re limp. You haven’t passed out, that much Seonghwa can tell. When he leans forward, you arms turn upward. Forearms exposed and turned towards the sun, Seonghwa can see the lashes that decorate the skin. 
He winces at the sight. When he doesn’t move, your forearms are exposed further, and Seonghwa finally understands. 
You expect him to hurt you. 
The older boy looks back at his partner, but Wooyoung is quiet. His mouth it still  pressed tight, but his eyes give everything away. They’re not surprised, but knowing. The scars at his wrists and neck sting painfully. 
Seonghwa looks back at you. 
“Gray?” He mutters softly. 
The demeaning name echoes through your entire being. 
Your body shifts at the unknowing command. Sitting back on your heels, you clasp your wrists behind your back and tilt your head back to the sky. In a position of weakness, the two men can now see the blood dripping from the bottom of your mask and down your neck. 
When your head finally rolls back to offer your throat, both Seonghwa and Wooyoung’s eyes fall on a bright white scar that used to be hidden under the neckline of your clothes. 
The white line crosses the length of your throat in a nasty scar. From one side of your neck to the other, a jagged scar sits at your jugular, and from your exposed position, it appears that you expect the two to add another to the count. 
“Wooyoung.” 
It’s stern. Seonghwa is serious now, words clipped and short, 
“Get San as quickly as you can.” He addresses Wooyoung despite not turning to face him. 
“No-” he cuts himself off, “bring Yunho too. Now.” 
And Wooyoung takes off into the woodland behind him. 
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bonus:
seonghwa: so... are you like, seeing someone?
reader: uh, no. why?
seonghwa: idk, I feel like you should see a therapist or something
extra bonus :D
reader: are we fighting or flirting?
wooyoung: I'm literally pinning you the ground with my hands around your throat rn
reader: ...
reader: answer the question. 
...
a/n: this hasn’t been proofread yet so idk if I like it but I’ll edit it later lol. sorry for all the woo biases out there (lol he’s one of my faves too) but we’re really going for that enemies to lovers type trope rn. anyway I hope y’all enjoyed! let me know if you want to join the tallest 
next chapter
taglist: @verseoks​ @multilovee @jenduexie @slfmint @smallfrye​ @istgcyj​ @delightfulturkeypainteroaf @sanslostairpod @2504-life @hwas0ng @yourgalxy @exo-xing @rensunjun​ @flowrsforfun​ @justchaoticwhispers​ @gayliljoong​ @http-lovelyknow​
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gachagon · 1 year
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Can you write fluffy and slightly angsty BachiSagi where Isagi misses Bachira while they're on separate stratums in NEL
Aw this was such a cute yet sad idea, and I just had to write it! BachiSagi angst really gnaws at my heart strings since I don't like seeing either of them sad lol. Here is what I cooked up for you though!
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Words: 749
Pairing: BachiSagi
While staring at the rankings after a match, Isagi can't seem to get his mind off of the past, and his thoughts keep circling back to one person in particular. His eyes have been locked onto Bachira's name on the ranking board for quite some time...
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“Wow, he’s really moving up huh?” Isagi was shaken from his reverie by Chigiri’s voice. He had been staring at the most recent ranking’s posted in the main hall of the Blue Lock facility, when Chigiri had decided to join him as well. Though, Isagi’s eye wasn’t trained on his own name, and neither was Chigiri’s. 
“Yeah, Bachira’s amazing…” Isagi said wistfully. He glanced at Chigiri who laughed softly. 
“And how do you know I was talking about Bachira, hm?” He asked Isagi with an amused smirk. Isagi looked away then, his embarrassment showing clearly on his face. Great, could you be any more obvious? He berated himself as he searched for an answer. “Forget it, I’m just teasing. You have been staring at the board pretty hard, though.” Chigiri said.
“Have I…?” Isagi asked as he continued to stare upwards at Bachira’s name. It was right next to his own now, they were evenly matched in terms of price as well. Isagi wondered how long it must have taken for them both to reach this point on the ranking’s board, and how impossible it had seemed so long ago to achieve anything close to it without the other right beside them. Actually…how long has it been…? He tried to remember the last time he and Bachira actually got to train together or even play in a match as opponents, but no matter what his memory came up short. The last memory he held of them being next to one another was when they both had lunch the day before they were assigned to different teams. 
Bachira had been so excited then, he wouldn’t stop talking to Isagi about which team he was going to pick. Back then, Isagi was happy to just support him in his endeavors no matter what choice he made. He had even bitterly thought to himself that it was ridiculous to think Bachira would want to follow behind him. Or that it’d be pathetic for him to try and follow Bachira. He couldn’t bring himself to possibly say any of that, or make some desperate plea to try to be on the same team. 
Because Bachira looked so happy. He couldn’t possibly take that away from him. So he kept his mouth shut, and when Bachira went off to BarchaSpain, Isagi said nothing still. Except to tell him it was a good choice. 
“Training’s been kinda hellish hasn’t it? I feel like passing out every time it’s finally over…” Chigiri spoke from beside him, and Isagi gave a half hearted reply. “But you know…I heard from Anri that Bastard Munchen’s getting a special matchup. Some kind of game not associated with the whole NEL thing…like a promotion?” 
Isagi craned his head in interest, yet he still had his eye trained on the ranking board. 
“It’s supposed to be a big game between Noa and Lavinho. That’ll be a crazy match to see, certainly. Too bad I won’t be there to watch…” Isagi’s head swiveled in Chigiri’s direction who was nonchalantly checking his nails out. 
“What did you say?” Isagi asked. 
“Oh? Are you interested, Isagi? Those ranking’s seemed to have you really enamored, so-” 
“Noa and Lavinho are going to…have a match soon?” Isagi’s heart leapt into his throat as Chigiri smirked. 
“Did I not just say that? Anyways, good luck you’ll definitely need it. They’ve got some pretty good talent on that team.” Chigiri said with a smile. “Though, you knew that already. After all, you’ve been watching the ranking’s all day.” 
Before Chigiri could turn to walk away, Isagi grabbed his arm. “W-wait! When is this matchup exactly…?” 
Chigiri’s head tilted to the side, “Oh I don’t know, I think Anri said they were planning for it to be…this weekend?”
This weekend…in 3 days…I can see him in 3 days…
“Thank’s Chigiri!” He ran past him then. 
“Hey, where are you off to now?” Chigiri called after him. 
“To train!” Isagi answered. He wanted to be at his best for this. It was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up even for a moment. He also didn’t want to disappoint Bachira somehow, his blood thrummed with an excitement that usually came when he was going up against someone more talented than him on the field. 
He was going to see Bachira in 3 days, and he was going to make sure he was the best he’d ever been for him. 
3 days…it chorused through his mind as he headed for the training room. 
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wonibow · 7 months
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˚ ༘ ( 🥀 ) ⋆˚ ࿐ྂ 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟
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𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑦 ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 💋
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𝟎𝟗.𝟎𝟏.𝟐𝟐 — 𝟎𝟗.𝟎𝟏.𝟐𝟑 ❤︎
𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩, 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚⇢ 💌 ;; incoming love letter for @snghnprk !
happy one year to the absolute love of my life! where do i even start...
wow, we've gone through so much in this past year but we did it together and i'm so glad i had you right here beside me through it all. we're not perfect individuals by any means, but we're learning and growing together as we go along and that's what has kept us from drifting apart. i want this to be about our happiest memories and about us, so i'll leave out all the unneeded details, but i hope you know that you've helped me through so much and there will never be enough words in the world that could begin to describe how much i love and cherish you. you mean the world to me and i'd like to stay attached by our red string of fate forever~
you always make me feel like such a princess, always calling me the sweetest pet names and even going out of your way to ruin your angsty emo boy blog theme to reblog pretty pinky things that remind you of me. c': you never fail to make my heart go whooshhh~ and whenever i'm in my sad girlie hours, you're always there to give me infinite snuggles and distract me with the cutest baby videos you find. i couldn't ask for anyone lovelier than you, you've become such a safe space for me and that's all i could ever want in a future husband~
remember that first date we went on? c': where you took me to watch a sunset and gave me a cute necklace which i definitely still wear to this day? remember that phase you went through where you used to toss me over your shoulder almost every day? c': i pretended to hate it but it was so much fun, you always know how to make me giggle. remember all those random love spams you'd send to me while i was asleep? i loved waking up to read them, it was such a good start to my day... waking up to you just makes my day brighter~ remember when we started to plan our wedding just two months after making it official? i guess we always knew we'd stay together for a long, long time, huh? i can't wait for the day it finally happens... there's no one else i'd rather spend the rest of my life with than you, you're my forever~
ahh i'm definitely rambling now but i just... i'm so thankful that i still have you... i can't imagine what i'd be doing without you here... you're so precious to me and i'll love you endlessly, no matter what. thank you for the best one year of jangkku, and for many, many more years to come! i love you to the moon and back, always~ 🌙
from, your future wife who's totally not sobbing sparkly tears while writing this 💗
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ jangkku turns 1 year old ! { 9.1.22 }
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scurvgirl · 9 months
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This is my little introduction post to the Shameless/Gallavich fandom here on tumblr, hi all! And thank you to @callivich for making this nice way to ease into the fandom :)
Name: Scurv 
Age: 28
What made you fall in love with Gallavich? I initially started watching Shameless to figure out what all the hullaballoo was about these two boys always appearing on my dash was. Gallavich was the only thing I knew about Shameless going into it, lol. And wow, I was really blown away by how it was acted, honestly. The chemistry and the lack of any hesitance on Cameron and Noel’s ends were really amazing. The rep was different too, I hadn’t seen anything like that before. I’m originally from a small town and was exposed to some pretty violent homophobia when I was younger - Mickey’s experience with homophobia felt like my experience was seen a bit and I really appreciated that too. 
How long have you been a fan? Three months, lol. Went off the deep end fast.
Favourite Gallavich moment/scene? Mickey’s “Guess what we been doing, Daddy?” coming out speech is perfection. But also the van scene, I’m a sucker for a Spiderman kiss.
Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey? Mandy!!! I am forever sad that she wasn’t involved in later seasons. I also love Lip and Carl. I looooove the dynamic between Lip, Ian, and Carl in season 7.
Do you write or draw or make edits? Feel free to link to your work! I write!! I have a fic, Come-ups and Coincidences. I’m currently writing chapter 5 :)
Favourite type of Gallavich fics? Are you into angsty canon type fics or maybe fluffy one shots, perhaps you like dramatic canon divergent stories or interesting AUs - share what tropes/genres you like! I like canon extensions, fill-ins, and divergent stories the most but I also fuck with a good AU. I also write AU so you know, gotta like it. I love fluff, smut, overall sweet fics. I enjoy some angsty fics but there needs to be a promise of a happy ending. 
Favourite Gallavich quote? I’m honestly really bad with quotes and it’s the end of a long week Hmmm. You know what, it’s Ian saying “Mickey...” at their wedding. Or “You do have nice legs, though.”
Anything else you’d like to share about yourself? I’m dyslexic and firmly on the dyslexic Mickey train!! Another reason I got into Shameless was to connect with my little sib. She’s about a decade younger than me so connecting can be tricky. She’s gay and bipolar and relates a lot to Ian and it makes me really happy to know there’s a character that brings her so much comfort. 
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wannaseewhatshangin · 7 months
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Hello ! Could I request a scenario about rusty James where he’s been interested in reader for a quite a long time and it shows, (like for example he’s always around her, always flirting and very jealous when other boys talk to her….) and while she feels the same for him, she thinks he’s not serious about it and is just messing around with her like as if it was some sick bet made by his friends, so she’s trying her best to look unfazed and uninterested in him….it could be a bit angsty with a splat of insecurities and jealousy but at the end they kinda confess to each other (?) and it’s all good….hope this all is understandable sorry if it’s too much 😭💔
This is so cute my loveee <3 (Also this length is just PERFECT! I love when people send long requests with details, it gives me more visuals and I can achieve the goal better when people are specific. <3
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🍒 ;↣(You're not mean, you just wanna be seen. You're so Art Deco.)
☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆
Rusty James didn't think he was mean.
In fact, he thought he was pretty nice compared to the other people around town.
Rusty got on the bus, and he just so happened to be the second person on the bus, aside from you.
He could've sat anywhere he wanted. And even if he wasn't the second person on the bus and didn't have much options of seats to choose from, he'd just beat the tar outa someone for it.
At least, that was your impression of him.
But he chose to sit right next to you.
Your breath stiffened as you paused your sketching. Starting to close your sketchbook before he started talking.
"What're you drawin'?" He asked, grabbing the book from your hands gently.
You stayed silent as he flipped through the pages carefully.
You were embarrassed and wanted to move seats as soon as possible.
You knew rusty James and he knew you. Y'all rode the same bus since kindergarten.
He looked through the detailed drawings of people that rode the bus with the two of you everyday, and stop signs that the bus came across at the end of every street.
"How come I ain't in here, huh?" He asked with a small smirk, his brown eyes looking deeply into yours.
You finally realised the question he asked and stuttered out an answer.
"U-uhm. I don't know. Just never thought about drawin' you I guess." You grabbed your sketchbook from his hands, putting it in your bag.
He nodded, knowing you were nervous.
Hell, he was just as nervous as you. He's always been like that around you, but never showed it.
Another person got on the bus, the doors drawing opening as the bus shook with every footstep.
"Hey Rusty. Hi Y/n, how was your weekend?" Steve asked you two, smiling ear to ear.
You really liked Steve. He was very kind, good grades and all. And you always wondered what he was doing hanging around with the mean dogs. Rusty James being one of them.
"Hi Steve, it was good. Yours?" You smiled back at him, giving him the same kindness.
"Mine was good. What about you rusty? Anything fun?"
Rusty shook his head, his hair waving back and forth as he did.
"Nah, man. Same old stuff." He leaned back against the seat that the two of you shared.
Steve went to go back to the front, where he usually sat, Rusty turning to look at you once he did.
"What about you, doll? Anything fun?" He smirked as you tried to ignore his ways of tempting you with his voice. His voice was one of a kind and you loved it so much, it was sickening.
"Nah. Just chilled all weekend. Smoked, watched TV, art. Nothin real special." You leaned your head against the window.
He perked up slightly as he heard you mention drinking and smoking.
"Wow, man. All these years that I've known you, my love. I've never heard of you being a smoker." He got closer with every word, his breath hitting your neck slightly, the air on your neck making you shiver as it tickled, before you pushed him away gently.
"Alright Rusty James. You can cut the crap now. You can pretend you got what you wanted and go back to sit with your buddies." You said, putting your walkman on as you looked out the window.
His eyes flashed a hurt expression before going back to their regular stare. He got up, grabbing his backpack as he went to the front, his friends patting his back.
He ignored the attention from his buddies as he kept making glances at you the whole ride to school. The flirty gestures didn't stop when you two got to school either. He threw an arm over your shoulder, making your face turn a gentle pink as he showed off his smirk proudly.
"Rusty what are you doing?" You forced out.
"What, man? I can't walk my bestie to class? Isn't that what you girls want these days? A gentleman?" He says with a chuckle.
You rolled your eyes as you took his arm off your shoulder, only for him to do it again.
"You are no gentleman, Rusty James. And I am most certainly not your 'bestie'. So hit the road."
"Well i've known you since we were five. That has to count for somthin', ma." He said with a bright smile.
You scoffed.
"We've known a lot of people since they were 5. We are at school. And I am not 'Ma' to you. I have a name and you know it. So use it."
"Oh I can use it alright. Meet me in the bathroom, ma." He said jokingly.
You flicked his nose. He sucked his teeth before taking his arm from over your shoulder as he just walked beside you.
"Well at least let me walk you to class." He said with soft eyes.
You looked at him with a debating expression on your face, wondering if you should take the bait or not.
"You mess up Rusty James and I'm gonna kick your ass." You say before walking as he smiled again, knowing you gave in.
"Yes ma'am." He said, walking beside you.
The two of you walked through the crowded hallway, people giving you odd stares. A few of Rusty's friends walk up to him, doing a handshake before talking about skipping.
"Can't, Walkin' her to class." He said, holding onto your backpack so he didn't lose you in the crowd.
His friends let out a series of "What?" and "Her?" as they pointed to your figure.
"Rusty, i'm gonna be lete if you don't hurry. Mr Coplin don't play about being tardy. I'm already on my second strike." You said, trying to get him to start walking.
He shook his friends off, walking with you. He watched as your hair flowed over your shoulders as you tried to make it to class on time.
Luckily you did. Right on time.
"Thank you for the tour of the school. Now will you leave me alone?" You said, unpacking your bag.
"Hey man, Watch it I'm sensitive." He said, his hand touching his chest.
You roll your eyes before siting down at your desk.
"Alright. I'll see you at lunch, ma." He said, twirling your hair before running off into the hallway, leaving you in your own train of thought as you process what just happened.
You were so confused. He barely talked to you. The only memory of talking to him was in kindergarten when you let him use your crayons or let him share your sleeping mat during naptime when he lost his. You were deeply in love with him but you already knew that it was just some cruel, sick joke to him. Probably one that his friends talked him into.
Rusty walked through the hallway, saying "hey" to friends as he walked by to his class.
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It was lunch period and you sat down at a random table, taking out your packed lunch.
Which was just a sad sandwich that you made this morning, and some apple slices.
A boy sat next to you, starting to talk to you.
You weren't that interested in talking to him and you would've rather talked to Rusty about strippers and beer than talking about the war of 1812.
The kid was cut off by a hand tapping his shoulder.
"Hey. Hop up, man. I'm sittin' with her today." Rusty James said to him, before blowinng a kiss at you.
Rusty couldn't stand the sight of someone taking you from him and thinking it wouldn't be dealt with.
The kid rolled his eyes and left, his seat replaced by Rusty, looking through your sketchbook again.
He was in awe when he saw a new portrait of him.
"This me? Pretty cute, right?" He said smirking at you.
"If you say so." You laughed.
He gasped at you, making you laugh again.
"Come on. You know you think I'm cute."
You blushed before hiding it.
"Do I, though?" You smirk at him before getting up to go to the bathroom, Rusty following right behind you before pinning you to the wall gently.
"Rusty what is with you today? You have been so flirty and I don't get it. It's honstly starting to scare me." You say confused.
"Maybe because I like you, doll." He says, playing with your hair.
"Okay rusty you can drop it now. It's not funny anymore. I get the joke now." You said, not finding him playing with your emotions that funny anymore.
"What jo- you think i'm lyin, doll?" He said, leaning against the wall next to you.
"Well, I mean.. Yeah I do. The only time you've ever even talked to me was when I shared my stupid crayons and stupid sleeping mat in kingergarten." You snapped, not looking at him.
"Yeah and ever since I have been in love with you, huh? You believe that one? Because it's the truth." He said angrily.
You didn't look at him as you began to cry silently. You didn't understand why he was playing with your emotions like he was.
"Hey, man. I'm sorry for actin like that. Please look at me, doll." He said softer.
You hesitantly looked at him, only to be met with those beautiful brown eyes you knew.
"I don't know who told you I was lyin, but I'm not. I love you so much, doll." He said, finishing off his words with a passionate kiss, his hands getting tangled In your hair as you kissed back.
"Rustle James! My office now!" The principle yelled through the hallways.
"Alrigh alright! I'm comin'! Love ya doll." He said before pressing a kiss to your lips once more, then running off. Smarting off to the principle as he got onto him about something he's done.
"Yeah yeah. Whatever." He said before blowing you a kiss.
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I hope you like it! Also please do send more whoever you are because I LOVED this fic as you can tell I put my whole heart into it lol. <3
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Note
Literally everything you write with sick Ian is great so that’d be my preference!
Thank you for the prompt!!
(re: this post... and the offer still stands if anyone else wants to make a request!)
Set at some point after this angsty thing. Here's the link to all of the World Above stuff. :-)
You can read this fic below or on AO3.
. . . . .
"How was the show?" Josh leans his head back against the couch, and Finley takes the opportunity to shove his nose into Josh's face and start licking him enthusiastically.
"Finn! Hiii, puppy," Ian coos.
Josh laughs. "Yeah, he's always gonna win out, huh?"
"Mm, maybe." Ian turns away from the camera to cough.
Kate comes around the back of the couch to get in frame as well. "Hi, Ian."
"Kate!" Ian's eyes light up, but his voice wavers a little bit when he says, "Ah, I miss you guys."
"We miss you too." Kate tips her head against Josh's and frowns a little. "You okay? You look really tired."
"Yeah." Ian rolls his shoulders and grimaces. "I dunno. I used to be better at sleeping in motels. Or tour buses, god."
"Or that frickin' van?" Josh raises his eyebrows.
"I do not miss that," Ian agrees, and turns aside to cough again.
The stove timer beeps, and Kate sits back up. "Ah, I've got to get that. Take care of yourself, okay?"
Ian nods, still coughing, and waves as she heads for the kitchen.
"Ian," Josh says, in a way that's synonymous with oh, buddy.
"I'm okay." He's sounding kind of hoarse. "It was loud at the bar."
"Hmm."
Ian scrunches up his nose, then scrubs at it with his fist, but he can't stop it when his breath catches and builds into a strong h'ET-schiew! "Oh," he mutters, scrubbing at his nose some more. "Fuck."
"Bless you."
Ian groans and lets himself fall sideways onto the pillows of his motel bed.
"I have to play tomorrow." Now that he's started, he can't stop sniffling.
"Not if you're sick, you don't."
"Not sick," he says, but it's more of a pout than anything.
"It's not like before," Josh says gently, running a hand through Finley's fur. They'd played through all kinds of shit. Before. He wonders if it'll ever go back to being like that, or if this is just how it's going to be from now on.
"I know." Ian scrubs at his nose with the flat of his palm. "I just…" He shakes his head, not meeting Josh's eyes through the phone.
Josh gives him a minute. "Yeah?"
"I just thought we'd all be here together." His sniffle this time is emotion as much as illness. "I mean, not here in this motel playing at some random bar. But like." He bites his lip. "Here."
"I know." They'd been working on it, slowly and uncertainly. And then the whole world had shut down. He wants to tell Ian that it'll happen, that they can try again at trying again, even after all this time. There are just too many unknowns. The state of the world, for one. And the fact that they've all got stuff going again. Danny's producing out in Oakland. Lauren's started streaming online, sometimes music and sometimes video games and sometimes just talking about whatever's on her mind. Nate and Ellie are having another baby. Josh had moved his guitar lessons to Zoom and for the most part kept them there, and the idea of leaving the safety of his life with Kate and Finn to go back out on the road seems too overwhelming to even think about right now.
Ian, though. Ian's never been good at staying in one place. He'd gone back to touring as soon as it was reasonably safe. He's happier now, for sure, but sometimes just as lonely as when he'd been stuck in his apartment. More so, given how many roommates he'd been squeezed in with at the time.
"Hey," Josh says, gentle. "Tell me about the show."
That gets him a little bit of a smile. "It was good." He swipes at his nose with the back of his hand. "There were these girls who drove three hours to come."
"Wow."
"Yeah. And I wrote some new stuff." He shrugs, suddenly shy. "It went over pretty good."
"Send it to me, I want to hear it." For so long, Josh would've been there, in the hotel room and the tour bus, hearing the song come together bit by bit, rather than hearing about it after the fact.
"Okay." It's just a whisper. There are tears in Ian's eyes. Finn whines at the phone and tries to lick the screen.
"You're getting puppy kisses from Finley."
"Thanks, Finn." He sniffs, and coughs, and rubs at his forehead.
"How're you feeling? Seriously," he adds, when it looks like Ian's going to say he's fine.
Ian shrugs. "Like I'm getting sick." He coughs again. "I don't know. My head hurts. And my throat."
"Do you feel like you have a fever?" If he does, it's low. He's not glassy-eyed and rosy-cheeked, he's just exhausted and sniffly and sad. Past experience says he's hanging out somewhere right around the tipping point between warm and feverish.
Ian considers for a second, and then shivers. "I'm kinda cold. A little achy, maybe."
"Get under the covers."
"It's too early to go to…hhh…k'TCHHH! to go to sleep." He wriggles around anyway until the comforter's pulled up to his chin. He absentmindedly wipes his nose on it and Josh flinches.
"You're the reason I don't trust hotel sheets."
"Oh. Sohhh… h'NGT!choo…" Caught in the bedding again. He doesn't finish the apology, just sort of stares into the middle distance past the phone.
"Bless you." Josh sighs. "Okay, who's letting tomorrow's venue know you're out, you or me?"
"No," Ian says, voice wavering again.
"Yes." This move from Ian like he's pushing his forehead into his pillows, and Josh knows that if Ian were here he'd be doing that move against Josh's shoulder right now. "I can do it. The info's in your business email?" Josh has had access for years, but it's been a while since he needed to step in.
Ian nods miserably. "And we need to get you a test— yes, even if you're sure that's not what this is— and some groceries, and meds, some nice tissues. And extend your motel reservation."
Kate's been listening from the kitchen, and she comes to sit on the couch with Josh and Finley. "We've got it, Ian. Text me your grocery requests."
"I'll do the reservation at the same time I call the venue," Josh says. It's the sort of thing that would have sent him anxiety-spiraling five years ago. Now, here at home with Kate and Finn, it feels easy. An act of love.
"I can't." Ian's shaking a little bit, now; exhaustion and frustration and that little bit of fever.
"It's okay." Kate's voice is reassuring. "Having to cancel for being even just a little sick is just part of the deal now. Everyone will understand."
The kitchen timer goes off again and Kate gets up to turn off the stove and put the finishing touches on dinner.
"We'll work on all that," Josh says. "Call me back in an hour or two if you want."
"Okay." Now that he's under the covers, his eyes are starting to close.
"I think Lauren's streaming tonight, so if you can't get her on the phone you can always show up in the chat."
Ian laughs at that. It turns into a cough. "Everyone always freaks out when I do that."
"The best medicine." For Ian, it really is. He needs attention the way a plant needs water and sunlight. It's not an insult, it's just the truth: he wilts and fades without it, and when he gets it again, he straightens up. Fills out. Comes back to life.
"Hmm." Ian's already perking up a little bit at the thought. "I guess I could do that."
"Good." More screen kisses from Finn. "Finley says he loves you. Talk to you soon."
"Okay." A small but genuine smile. "Thanks, Josh."
He smiles back. "Any time."
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gyoobies · 2 years
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Stolen Glances
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Title: Stolen Glances 
Pairing: S. Coups x fem reader
Genre: a lil fluffy a lil angsty if you squint.
Summary: S. Coups is down bad for the reader. Sorry folks that’s all I got.
This is only 1 piece of a Polyam universe that lives in my head. 
Every time he saw you with his friends he couldn't help feeling a little envious and guilty. He knew it was wrong to sneak glances at someone who didn't belong to him, especially someone that was in a relationship with 5 of his good friends, but he couldn't help it. He never questioned why his friends were so willing to enter a relationship with 1 person, he never wondered what was so great about you because he knew. Yes, you were beautiful, anyone could see that, so are lots of people but, it was your heart, the way you cared for everyone even before the romantic relationships.
By the time you were introduced to everyone in their friend circle your friendship with Wonwoo and Mingyu was pretty solid, thinking about it now Seungcheol was certain this was by design. That definitely didn't stop Hoshi from securing a spot and everyone joked that Jeonghan tricked you into being with him and Woozi just felt right. It didn't take long for everyone to warm up to you, you were funny, charismatic, a bit of an asshole but that only added to your charm. It seemed there was a bit of your personality that fit everyone, him included.
Movie night, one of his favorite activities to do with all of you, he got to joke around with his friends and listen to you laugh at all their stupid antics but, unfortunately tonight Dino's obnoxious ass "not girlfriend" was here with her minion crew that were actively trying to pick up the available guys in the friend circle. The usual movie night, long forgotten, was more like a mixer if anything now. Despite the current situation he did thoroughly enjoy watching their faces fall when they realized you had managed to get 5 guys to fall for you, well, technically 6 but only he knew that.
" doesn't it seem weird? "
Seungcheol turned to look at the girl next to him that had invaded his observation area with a confused face.
"Huh?"
" your friends? Isn't it weird that they all share one partner? In my opinion they could do much better."
She may not have had his full attention before but she definitely had it now.
"And who's better? You? Your friends?  Tell me what "in your opinion" would you consider better?" 
Seungcheol let out an exasperated chuckle when the only response he received was a shocked expression.
Over the situation he opted to call it a night. He made his way over to Wonwoo to let him know he was going to be leaving the festivities only to be intercepted by you.
"Hey Cheolie exiting so soon? What's wrong nobody here caught your eye?" You say with a wink as you poke one of his dimples.
He's always been a bit irked by that but not when it's you.
"Nah just not up for being social tonight I guess." He said as he gave a weak half smile and made his way to his room.
Finally in the peace of his room he let out a sigh and peeled away his hoodie but, just as he went to climb into bed there was a light knock at the door.
"Yea?"
"I come bearing gifts!"
"Huh?"
 "Your phone genius, you left it"
"Oh!"
He opened the door to be met with your smirking face.
"Wow Cheolie been hitting the gym hard I see, who you trying to impress?" 
He was used to this level of comfortable chatting bordering flirting from you, it was just part of your charm but, fuck did it have to affect him so much? 
 Your usual dimple poke snapped him out 
of his thoughts.  
"You sure you're OK? You said as you placed one hand on his forehead and the other on his cheek. Before he could stop himself his eyes closed and he leaned into your touch.
"Yea" He sighed.
"Just tired."
You smiled, thinking about how sweet this moment felt between the two of you.
"OK, well I won't keep you. Let me know  if you need anything." 
And with that he watched you turn and walk away. 
He flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes, phone held against his chest as he thought about what you'd said about him working out. He smiled to himself thinking about the answer to the question you cheekily asked.
"You" He breathed 
"I'm trying to impress you."
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