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taystarotoverload · 10 months

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What Direction Is Your Life Headed In

☆ this is JUST a general reading so take what resonates leave what doesn’t. we’re going to be looking at what path the universe has you on right now + more! 🤍

☆ how to PICK A PILE: Breathe in deeply for 3 and out for 5. Meditate on each picture continuing this manual breathing. Ask spirit out loud or in your head “what direction is my life headed in” and meditate on it. You’ll hear a number or see a number pop into your head, or maybe you’ll feel drawn to a certain pile. whatever works for you go for it! if you’re new to pick a piles this may be difficult at first, but as you read and watch them more and more the process becomes much easier! 😊

☆ lastly thank you thank you to my guides and your guides for offering me and providing me the energy, knowledge, and guidance to do this reading. 🤍

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PILE 1:

wheel of fortune - judgement - eight of pentacles - knight of cups - five of pentacles - three of pentacles - 7 of cups - page of cups

pile 1 you are going to be receiving so much fortune and balance in your life. some of you will be starting a new job and this will help you financially. seeings lots of money coming into your life pile 1. you’re going to feel better mentally too. some of you were just down in the dumps and spirit is saying “not for long !” because you’re going to see your life change drastically. pile 1 there are a lot of people who have their eyes on you? i’m seeing that people are thinking about you and talking about you. this can be people thinking about hiring you for a job? some of y’all are in a BAD workspace and the universe is like “we don’t want you to go through this… so we got you this” and it’s like the same job but a whole different energy lol. some of y’all are going to get into a relationship with someone? i’m not seeing this relationship lasting a looonnggg time but it will be a very rewarding relationship. i’m seeing that lots of changes will be made but you’ll also be faced with lots of choices. you’re probably going to feel extremely overwhelmed and stressed by all of these ‘choices’ but spirit wants you to know that you’re on the right path, and whatever choice you make will bring you more fortune and more balance. i’m seeing that spirit wants you to reaaallllyyyy think about your choices before you make them though. don’t just get up and do something without thinking, actually take the time to analyze it.

PILE 2:

two of wands - wheel of fortune - six of pentacles - nine of cups - death - four of pentacles

wow pile 2 there is an old energy coming into your life? somebody that you knew in the past is coming back into your life, but this time they’re going to be wise and bring you lots of closure. pile 2 are y’all confused about something? is there something you’re really needing closure on that is making you slightly annoyed/angry? just heard something some of y’all are in relationships and your partner might be hiding something? or could be friends or work partners. i’m seeing that there is an energy that will come into your life and bring you lots of closure and clarity. you will feel relieved. you feel a very strong weight on your shoulder, this is going to be lifted. i’m seeing some of you might be getting a raise at your job OR you will be getting a new job that pays reeeaaalllyyyy well. i’m seeing that lots of balance will be brought into y’all’s life, you’re going to view the world in a whole different light a whole different perspective. your energy is very strong to manifesting right now. don’t be afraid to manifest crazy things because crazy things can happen. pile 2 y’all are a very laid back, calm, mature pile. i’m feeling very safe in your energy. i’m seeing that not a LOT will change in your life but i am seeing that good offers will be sent to you, and you will find yourself with more money?? i’m just seeing you’re going to be smiling a lot more too haha

PILE 3:

eight of cups - the moon - the empress - four of swords - temperance - six of swords - two of swords

so pile 3 y’all are interesting because i’m sensing some if not all of you are going through something with somebody right now. y’all are a very giving pile and might i say y’all can be a bit of a people pleaser. i’m seeing that there is a person or people that is feeding off of your energy. you’re giving a lot to this person and you’re receiving nothing back. this is very damaging to your own energy because you might be feeling very damaged and low and depressed. your energy is very stagnant and just empty. you already are aware of how this person is feeding off of you and it is honestly draining to even be aware about. im seeing that you just feel very used. you might feel like you have to walk around eggshells with this person. spirit knows the best option for you is to drop whoever this is in your life. don’t keep this negative energy in your life, because i’m seeing this could definitely cause problems in the future. i’m seeing once you drop this person you’re going to still feel very lost and alone. you’re going to feel alone fs. this feeling might last for… well a long time. but during this time i’m seeing a lot of you will be doing shadow work. this change will ground you. i’m seeing y’all will be very grounded. i’m really not seeing anything super drastic in your life pile 3, but i just felt like something was missing so i pulled an oracle for you.

oracle: create

you’re a very creative pile. i’m seeing that you had a blockage in your life. you were blocked from receiving things and i believe this is from another persons energy. im seeing that some of you were working on something really important and an opportunity was ripped away from you, or you just no longer had the energy to do it. pile 3 you’re going to feel that creative part of you again. you’re going to feel this energy that urges you to do something you really like. im seeing that you’re going to try and distract yourself so you don’t think about what has happened or will happen. iykwim.

PILE 4:

eight of wands - knight of swords - page of swords - six of swords - two of swords - ace of pentacles - four of pentacles

your life is going to become very fast paced pile 4. im seeing lots of offers and lots of people coming into your life. i’m seeing something with work something big may be happening in your career. i’m seeing some of y’all your love life is about to take a turn??? uhhhh some of y’all bout to receive info about your partner. lots of secrets rising from the dead. things feel very fast and chaotic, lots of chaos might ensue in your pile. good and bad it’s very balanced but off balanced. some of y’all have some conflict happening? somebody might be irking y’all’s nerves so some conflict here and there. it’s really hard to think. y’all might have trouble thinking. i’m hearing a child that is like purposefully trying to annoy you… some of y’all might have some little kids trying to annoy you😭 i’m seeing some offers being handed out, be very cautious with who you talk to. there are some people who want to give you something that don’t have any good intentions. be very careful with who you let in your energy and space, some people like to see you fail and WANT to see you fail. you might be getting a haircut too tbh. some of y’all are trying to change something about yourselves and you’re going with style. you might be very curious about new things might find new hobbies? pile 4 y’all are giving me such scattered energy i’m feeling very happy then sad then annoyed etc etc, your emotions may be at an imbalance at this time. it’s from your. environment your environment is making y’all very chaotic. not many changes for you pile 4 if seeing life might feel very repetitious and boring. you might live in a big city so there’s lots of noise and people. you might feel very overwhelmed.

#tarot #taystarotoverload #wicca #astrology #natal #natal chart #pac #pick a card #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot pick a card reading #what direction is your life headed in #your future #your future pick a card #my future pick a card

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justmeinadaze · 2 months

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My Little Man (Steddie X You) (Part of HFOD and SS Universe)

A/N: I guess you guys would call this season 3? Lol. My angst hella took over as well as some feelings I've been dealing with lately.

Enjoy please <3.

Part of this Universe

Warnings: Demon Steddie & Human Fem Reader, No SMUT in this one, FLUFF, they love each other and their son. Demon Steddie is navigating how to be human while taking care of a pregnant Y/N.

ANGST: More or less the normal level of angst that comes with this series. The theme is grief and PTSD (from a soldiers perspective). Y/N is still struggling with the notion of her parents not being there to see Ellis grow up and the guys (especially Steve) is struggling with being raised how they were and taught to fight. Eddie struggles with feelings of enabling because of everything they went through.

The dreams probably have the most feels. They talk to their loved ones and Ellis says goodbye. Steve has nightmares that involve his dad being a dick (of course) and something that happens within one angers Eddie (blood briefly mentioned).

Word Count: 6398

"Don't you know I love you more than life itself Don't you know that you're my pride And I would not have you walking through this world Without me by your side

Go to sleep my little man Don't you weep my little man"

3 Months Pregnant

Steve sits on the bench outside of the library he had just exited from, sighing heavily as he closed his eyes and threw his head back.

Ever since the three of you got home, he and Eddie had been doing research on which human job they would best be suited for in your realm but were struggling to find much of anything. For him, it was even more difficult since he was raised to be a solider. He genuinely didn’t know how to do anything else and it didn’t help that even though you explained a lot of human behavior, he still felt slightly ignorant with many things.

“May I sit?” The demon jumped at the sound of a gravelly voice beside him. “Oh, shit. Sorry, son. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s alright. Um, please.”, he gestures towards the area beside him causing the man to flash him a thankful grin as he takes a seat.

“How long?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I asked how long. I know the look of a fellow veteran trying to figure out how to adapt to a civilian lifestyle. How long has it been since you saw combat?”

“Oh, uh, it’s…it’s been a few years. But I did it the bulk of my life.”

“I can imagine with you being so young. I bet one of your parents was a solider as well?”

“Wow. Yeah, that’s amazing. How did you…?”

“I told you, son. I know the look.”, the man chuckles as he extends his hand. “Truman Duvall; Ex Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army.”

“Steven Harrington. Um, Sergeant in the US Army. Well, Ex.”, Steve laughs nervously as he hopes his memory of things he’s learned about humans in the past is still up to date.

“Nice to meet you. If I may ask, what were you thinking so hard about specifically?”

“My girlfriend is pregnant and I’m trying to find a job so I can help support my family. I want my son to have a better life then I did but I have no idea where to start.”

“Congratulations on the little bundle! I have four myself, two of them grown and out of the house already. My wife pretends like she’s glad they’re out but she misses them.”, he laughs. “I don’t know if you would be willing but down the street here, we have a recreation center where veterans go to relax and let loose. They’ve been looking for a counselor to lead the group therapy. I think you’d be a good fit.”

“Yeah? Um, I guess I could…”

“Look, you don’t even have to make a decision right now. Why don’t meet me there tonight? We’re having a little party get together thing. Of course, you can bring the girlfriend and you both can meet the person in charge. See if you feel comfortable.”

“O-Ok. I, um…” Steve pauses as he debates on if he should tell the truth about Eddie. That was a fight they had when it came to going home. He had been afraid that they would have to hide their relationship and he never wanted to hide or be hidden when it came to the man he loved. But this is also where he wanted to raise his son and he didn’t want to cause a commotion before you four even had a chance to settle in. What would Eddie do?

“Can I bring my boyfriend as well? He’s a veteran to. We actually met during our tour.”

Truman’s mouth pouted out ever so slightly as his eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“Oh, um, sure! The more the merrier.”

***

“Steven, oh my God, that’s amazing!”, you exclaim as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Hang on, now. I don’t have a job yet but…”

“Don’t sell yourself short, bud.”, Eddie grins from his place on the kitchen counter.

“I hope it’s ok that I kind of…announced…our relationship. We actually didn’t talk about what we wanted to do but I know if we had stayed in our realm I’d want to be honest.”

The long-haired demon opened his arms and Steve promptly placed himself between his legs with his back against his chest while Eddie rested his chin on his shoulder.

“I’m glad you did. I love you and I’m not hiding that.”

“Me either.”, you smiled as they beamed right back.

Suddenly, the happiness drains from your face before you turn and bolt towards the bathroom. You three had been home for a couple of months and within the past week some of the normal symptoms of pregnancy began springing up such as the morning sickness you were currently experiencing.

“It’s alright, baby. Get it all out.”, Eddie tries to sooth as he holds your hair into a makeshift ponytail. As soon as you were finished, you fell back into his arms and thanked Steve when he handed you a bottle of water.

“This is normal, right? Humans get nauseas like this.”, he asked.

“Yeah, honey. It’s normal. I’m alright. I think I’m going to take a nap so I can be 100% for tonight.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to go.”

“No, Steve, I want to go. I want to see where you’ll be and the people you’ll be around.”

################

“Steve! You made it.”, Truman shouts excitedly as he reaches out to shake the boy’s hand. “You must be the girlfriend.”

“Hi. I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N. What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman and this is your…boyfriend? Right, son?”

“Yes, sir. This is Edward.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Steve said you’re a veteran as well. Were you a sergeant like himself?”

“Oh, uh, no. I was more of a private I guess you’d say. But we spent a lot of time together especially on the battlefield.”

“Wow and for you two to still be so close and find a relationship through all that chaos! That’s amazing. I always tell my wife if she met me during my tour she would have hated me. A lot of civilians don’t understand the headspace you have to fall into to do what we have to do.”

Both demon’s nod in understanding and you can’t help but softly smile as you watch them interact with the other people around them. Steve was definitely in his element and you could tell in some way he felt more comfortable in this setting because he was around beings who seemed to understand what they both went through. As his new friend spoke, his eyes remained intense and focused as he absorbed everything he said.

Eddie excused himself to grab some drinks but became distracted talking to another couple and began to laugh at something they were saying. The first time you met him he expressed a particular distain for humans but he seemed to open up more since they were freed, finding something interesting in each person he interacted with.

“Hey, this is my girlfriend Y/N.”, he introduces when you walk over to check on him. “Y/N, this is Lisa and Shawn Bennett. Lisa did a tour in the Air Force flying jets and Shawn was a DJ overseas.”

“Oh wow. For the military or just on your own?”

“For the military. I’m kind of like that Cronauer guy they made the movie about. I read the reports and played music I thought would lift the troops spirits.”, the man explains.

“Kind of like me.”, Eddie whispers in your ear making you smile. “What do you two do now if I may ask? Steve and I have been searching for employment but we have no idea what would fit us.”

“Well, I actually own a store of my own selling books and comics; things like that. I’m a bit of a nerd.”, Lisa laughs.

“And I teach media and music courses at the local community college up here.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun actually. Are they looking for another music teacher because Eddie is an amazing musician.”

“Yeah? Unfortunately, they aren’t but you should consider maybe starting your own business as well. You can teach kids to play guitar or any other instruments you know and you can do it from your house or maybe the music store downtown is hiring.”

“Are you looking for a job to, Y/N? I’m trying to hire someone to help me with my shop.”, Lisa offers with a smile.

“Oh, I’d love that. I’m, uh, I’m actually pregnant though and I wouldn’t want to leave you stranded after you just hired me.”

“That’s fantastic! Don’t even worry about it. You don’t seem very far along yet. I can teach you the ropes before you give birth and that way when you come back, you’ll already know what to do!”

As you glance at Eddie, his eyes widen with encouragement as he nods his head.

“Ok, I’d love to work for you.”

Lisa claps and gives you a big hug as your demon beams behind you.

***

“Hello fellow veterans, spouses, and partners! Glad you could all join us tonight. I hope you are having some much needed fun! I do have just a quick announcement to make. I would like to introduce you to Steven Harrington who is new to Hawkins and after speaking with him I feel like he will be a great addition to our center here as the group counselor.” The man at the podium smiles as he gestures towards the demon and everyone around the room claps. “Steve, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

When he hesitates, you gently push him forward, urging him softly before he relents and nervously climbs up the makeshift stage.

“Um, hi. Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been seen by so many people.” The people chuckle as you and Eddie grin knowingly. “Like Thomas said, I’m, uh, new to Hawkins but my girlfriend is from here and my partner and I thought it would be better for her to be back home where she felt safe with her family so we can start raising our own. I-I-I…shit I used to better at this.”, he chuckles before glancing your way, your gentle smile comforting him.

“I was raised in a military household. My dad was a solider so that’s what I was expected to be. As soon as I was able, he handed me a weapon and commanded I train to be the best. There was no wiggle room there. It was all or nothing. When I saw war…I shut down and did what I had to. I took no pleasure in killing, contrary to popular belief.”

“The worst part about shutting down that way was how it flowed into my every day. I was as an asshole to everyone including women I dated and people I trained… except for some of the people closest to me…Robin, Chrissy, and Eddie. When Edward and I got out…I felt so out of control…so lost. I lost my identity and everything I knew. If I didn’t have him by my side… Then we met Y/N and without her we literally wouldn’t be here today.”

Steve paused, looking out into the crowd, and realizing he may be talking too much.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Thank you so much for this opportunity and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

The people in the room clap as he steps off the stage and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist as Eddie lightly caresses his cheek.

***

4 Months Pregnant

You beam at Eddie as he softly strums his instrument. That day after Shawn suggested it, he went down to the music store in town and applied for the job as a guitar instructor. After playing and showing off for them he got the job. He loved hearing the kids try and play reminding him of the children he watched over with Steve during their war.

Today was everyone’s day off so they were being lazy in bed with you in your pajamas and both demons in nothing but their sweats.

“Ok, this thing here says for humans you should be feeling him move around now.”, Steve announced as he gestured towards the book he was reading.

“I haven’t felt him move yet unless the occasional nausea is him saying hello.”, you giggle. Leaning over him, you grab his hand and place it on the middle of your stomach. “Talk to him.”

“Uh, I…hey, Ellis. It’s, um, your daddy. I’m not scaring him with my voice, right?”

“No, baby.”, you grin as you pet his head. “This is how he’ll get used to it though. Hearing and seeing you both in your demon form.”

“Buddy, you have no reason to be afraid of us in any form. I’m sorry your dads aren’t as beautiful as you and your mom but—”

“Hey, speak for yourself.”, Eddie teases making you laugh. “I’m a sexy motherfucker.”

“Oh.”

“What?”, Steve’s eyes shift up excitedly.

“You didn’t feel that?”

When he shakes his head, you place his hand closer to the side you felt movement, gesturing for the other demon to do the same.

“Say something else.”

“Hey Ellis. This is your other daddy and I assure you we are very handsome.”

“Holy shit.”, Steve exhales as he grins up towards his partner. “That’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you agree, kid.”, Eddie smiles.

***

6 Months Pregnant

Eddie growls at the crib he was trying to assemble as his glowing red eyes glare at the instructions again. Over these past couple of months, you three had made your dad’s old room your bedroom and begun shifting the room you used to sleep in into Ellis’s.

Going off his personality from your dreams, you painted the room blue with images of guitars along the base boards and up along the ridges of the ceiling. Near where his crib would be, you put up pictures of everyone in his family that loved him including Robin, Wayne, Dustin, and everyone who had passed that he had been conversing with these past six months.

The boys were able to get everything a baby would need from your realm but also from theirs including those books that Eddie had wrote and some toys demons normally played with at a young age.

“Whoever invented these contraptions should be tortured for eternity.”, Eddie grunted as he tried again putting a few of the pieces together.

“You guys don’t have cribs in your realm?”

“Yeah but they were like boxes essentially. Or at least mine was. I’m sure Steven had gold porcelain or some shit.”

“No.”, Steve chuckled as he took the wrong part from his partner’s hand and handed him the correct one. “I had a regular little wooden thing with soft blankets.”

“I wish I could see what you two were like as kids.”

Since they left Maeve, they weren’t able to snap memories into your head like they were before. It hurt them more than you because you always seemed curious about them and they wished they could show you everything from their point of view, not Henry’s or Mirage’s.

“How much did Mirage show you?”

“She showed me big events more than anything. Steve always looking for his parents especially your mom. She did play sword fight with you once and you looked so happy until your dad yelled at her for ‘ruining your training’.” You rolled your eyes as Steve pet your head and sighed. “Eddie, I did see what your uncle told me about with your mom singing to you.” The demon’s glow receded in his eyes as he glanced your way with a small smile.

“Until my father told her to shut up?”

Tilting forward, you crawled over his work to kiss his lips making his smile widen as he caressed your face.

“What about your parents, honey?”

“Both my parents were amazing. My dad always loved to make us laugh. He liked being a girl dad and my mom exploited that.”, you giggle. “She would make him wear tutus while I would do his makeup and they both would dance.”

A tear left your eyes and both demons promptly gave you their attention.

“I’m sorry you guys don’t have your parents here. You both deserve better.”

“Baby, it’s ok—”

“Eddie it’s not okay.”

“Will you let me finish?”, he jokes. “It’s ok because I had my mom and I had Wayne. Then as I got older I got my other family. Steven, Robin, Chrissy, and even Dustin. Now, sweetheart, I have you two and Ellis. I couldn’t be happier.”

“I agree. I’m thankful for the memories I do have with my mom but the kids I trained and beings I fought with…that was my family. I’m so excited to see what’s in store for us, you know. See what Ellis is going to do with his life.”

You smiled as you kissed their lips before you wince and lean away.

“Ow. Little butthead is kicking my side.”

“Hey, kid.”, Eddie teases as he tilts towards your tummy. “Why don’t you stop hurting your mother and come help me make your torture technic of a crib.”

###############

8 months Pregnant

You, Steve, and Eddie walked into the house you three had been in so many times these last few months except now it was completely empty. All the furniture and everything was completely absent as you entered the living room full of people.

“Ellis?”

Everyone in the room moved out of the way to where Eddie’s mom was hugging her grandson to her chest as he sobbed.

“I don wanna go!”

“You have to, baby. Your mommy and daddies need you now. They’ve been waiting so long to see you.”

“Mom?”, Eddie asked as he stepped towards her. “What’s going on?”

She softly smiled as she handed him to your father who spun him around as he chuckled but your son just buried his face further in his neck.

“Come on, little guy. Your parents have made you an awesome bedroom and knowing my daughter she’s going to show you so many amazing things.”

The little boy shook his head as your dad kissed his temple before handing him to your mom.

“Steven, remember, you once told me that everything would be ok and you were right. I’ve watched you both take care of my baby and I assure you, you both are going to be more than ok. You are going to be amazing parents.”

He beamed at him as he wrapped his arms around the demon and pulled him in for a hug.

Your mother grinned as she reached out to touch your face as you started to cry.

“I’m scared to do this without you.”, you whisper.

Your parent’s smiles widen as she kisses her grandson and places him in your arms.

“We’re not going anywhere. We’re always right here.”, she soothes as she points to Ellis’s forehead. “Right behind that door, honey.”

“I love you.”, you son coos as each grandparent reciprocates his affection.

As both your demons come to your side, you look down to no longer see a toddler but a newborn baby wiggling in your arms. Steve gently pets his head as Eddie reaches for his tiny hand that immediately clings to his finger.

All of your eyes shoot open but yours is followed by a grunt as you place your hands on your stomach.

“Fuck! I think…”

They don’t waste any time as they collect you and your things before rushing towards the hospital.

***

“How long are they going to keep him back there?”, Eddie growled as he held your hand.

“Calm down. Y/N said this was normal. They need to clean him, check his vitals, and all that.”

“Yeah, but Steven, what if something comes up in those vitals that frightens a human.”

The other demon’s eyes flash red in warning in his direction as a low rumble leaves his chest.

“Maybe we should have had him in your realm.”, you respond groggily as your heavy eyes shift their way.

“Baby, don’t let Edward scare you, ok? He’s fine. He’s got more human in him right now than anything. Dustin said he would grow into his demon parts.”

“He also said we’re the first couple ever to do this so…”

“Edward Munson, I swear—“, Steve’s anger was cut short when the door to your hospital room opened and a nurse casually sauntered in.

“Hey Munson-Harrington family.”, she smiles. “We have little Ellis here fast asleep and everything looks good. Mommy, how are you feeling?”

“Like I gave birth.” The nurse laughs at your joke as your demons roll their eyes. “I’m alright. A bit exhausted.”

“Yeah, that’s normal, sweetheart. Good news is your baby is in perfect health. Would you like to meet him?” Your eyes fully open as you sit up, smiling softly when she places him in your arms. “I’ll come check on you three in a bit.”

Tears start to fall as you fully take him in. Right now, he seemed like a completely normal child with soft skin and just a sliver of brown hair poking out of his blue beanie.

“Hey, honey. You’re so handsome. I��m your mommy.”, you coo in a whisper as you kiss his forehead. “Oh my god, he smells so good.”, you laugh as you look their way.

Eddie was the first to step forward, sitting beside you on the bed as he caressed his son’s chubby little cheek with his finger.

“Holy shit. He’s so soft.”, he breathes. “You’re perfect, kid.”

Steve finally takes a seat as well and reaches out to feel his tiny hand.

“He’s warm to. Is that normal?” When you nod, he almost breathes a sigh of relief. “Ellis, we’re your daddies. You ARE perfect, oh my god.”

The baby squirms a bit in your hold giving them pause before pulling away.

“I think that was his way of saying thank you.”, you smile.

###########

3 Weeks Old

“Fascinating.”, Dustin muses as he rocks Ellis in his arms while swaying around the living room. “He really does look just like a little human with the soft skin and everything. Nothing has stood out?”

“Can you stop analyzing our baby and just enjoy him?”, Eddie snaps as he sighs.

“No, nothing.”, you giggle, answering his question. “And so far he seems to eat but not as much as normal babies.”

“How so?”

“Babies are supposed to eat every two hours; we’ve been feeding him every six. I was worried at first but we just took him the doctor and she said he was healthy. When I tried to give him a bottle every two he would cry and push at my hands.”

“Interesting. That has to be hard, Y/N. Him not being able to verbally tell you things like that. I hated when my kids cried in general but you…you still have that whole trial and error thing going.”

Glancing towards your demons, Eddie had fallen asleep with his head nestled in Steve’s lap on the couch who was already napping when Dustin arrived.

“It is. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us though and I know they do to. I’ve been keeping a record like you suggested should this ever happen for anyone else.”

“Good.” When he notices your gaze shift again, he takes a seat on the floor beside you and lays Ellis on the blanket between you both. “Everything ok with you three?”

“Yeah, I’m just a little worried. They were both already so protective over me and now that he’s here… Steve’s been having nightmares. He pretends he doesn’t but I hear him groaning in his sleep and feel him wake up. I asked him the other night if he still has access to my dreams and he said he can’t find the door anymore.”

A tear fell down your check as Dustin reached out to comfort you.

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Eddie’s attitude has been a lot shorter lately. He’s exhausted and worried about the three of us. He triple checks everything to the point that I find him asleep on the floor by Ellis’s crib because he’s too tired to make it back to our bed and would just rather be closer to his son just in case.”

“What about you? Besides the worry I mean.”

“I know I’m probably being paranoid but sometimes I feel like we’re being watched. It may just be because of our dynamic. I know not everyone is excepting like the new friends we’ve made but no one has said anything… I don’t know. Just…mom brain maybe.”

“Hm, maybe. Keep an eye on that. From what you’ve told me, you’re always pretty intuitive. Wouldn’t want to miss something you know?”

#########

5 Weeks Old

“Oh my god, Y/N, look at him.”, Lisa coos at Ellis as she holds him in her arms.

“Are you alright, Steve? You look like you haven’t slept.”, Shawn chuckles.

“Yeah, I’m doing alright. Just…little guy keeping me up.”, he forces a smile.

Your friends were having a get together for veterans and their families and since Steve worked at the center you suggested you three should go and be seen. Truthfully, you thought it would be good for them both to get out of the house as well as having him specifically spend some time with his new veteran friends to talk about anything that may be weighing on his mind causing his nightmares.

As the night wore on you noticed their soft grins return to their faces as he and Eddie mingled with the people around them. They radiated warmth as they talked about their son and everything he had done with his short little life so far.

“Have you guys started baby proofing yet? I swear when my daughter started crawling it was like she knew which areas were the bad ones!”

“Oh no, not yet. He did smile at Y/N the other day. Ellis has a beautiful little grin.”, Steve boasts.

“At that age usually it’s just reflexive. They see you guys smiling so…”

“Isn’t that all babies though? Like that’s how they learn?”, Eddie genuinely asks as the dads around him laugh.

“Yeah but who knows some babies are different! You may just have an extremely happy baby who couldn’t wait to show you guys how much he loves being here.”

Time passed and a few of the guests left, leaving the main few that you had really gotten to know. You all sat in the living room while Eddie patted his son’s back as Ellis slept soundly. Steve tenderly petted the baby’s head as you beamed at them from your place in the chair across from them.

“So how has everything else been going?”, Thomas asks as he chugs back some of the beer in his bottle.

“Everything has been good, man. Just focusing on them, ya know?”

“Yeah, I understand. When my son was born, that first night I checked on him every hour on the hour. Then for some reason I kept checking on my wife. I knew our son needed us both and I kept thinking ‘What if something happened to either of us?’”

“I can understand that. I, uh, before Y/N and Steve, I lost a lot of people I loved and there was nothing I could do. Now that Ellis is here…it would kill me if anything ever happened to him.”

“Do you have nightmares about it? About losing them?”

“I don’t but Stevie here does.”, Eddie answers causing Steve to toss a glare his way.

“I do but it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“I had them to. Sometimes I would dream they were on the battlefield I fought in. I would run to them but I could never quite reach them.”, Thomas sighs at the memory. “What do you dream about?”

“It’s fine really.”

You’re not sure if anyone else heard but you and Eddie did as the demon’s voice fluctuated to his real one for a split second.

“Steven…”

“It’s ok, Y/N. Like I said, I get it. If you talk about it, it gives it validity right? You’d hate to manifest something like that into existence. Someone killing Y/N and your son.”

Steve’s eyes closed as his head ticked to the side.

“Ok, Tom, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to push him too far and he’s already got enough on his mind.”, Eddie defended rising to his feet and handing you the baby.

“Ah, you’re the enabler I imagine. You allow him to shelter his feelings so he doesn’t have to deal with them.”

“You’re damn right I do. You humans have no idea what we’ve been through!”

“Interesting word choice. Is that how you separate people from your experiences?”

“Come on, guys, let’s head home.” As the long-haired demon grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, he remained frozen in place. Kneeling in front of him, he cupped his face in his hands. “Steven, it’s ok alright. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Let’s go home and get some sleep, huh?”

When the demon finally opened his eyes, Eddie’s widen in fear; he knew this look all too well. As subtly as he could, he got to his feet and towards the front door with you trailing after him.

“Steven—”

Once the wind of the outside hit your faces, he expanded his wings, cutting you off as he vanished into the air.

***

“Edward, baby, are you ok?”

Eddie nodded from his place on the floor next Ellis who was sleeping soundly beside him. After laying down as well, he softly smiles your way as he continues caressing the baby’s open hand.

“DO I enable him, Y/N?”

“Eddie…”

“I just…we went through so much… Every day I had to watch the man I love breakdown. Even when we were out, summoners never treated us with any kind of respect. They knew we wouldn’t be there for long. In our realm, he was hero and with one choice, he was banished and imprisoned…because of me.”

“No, Eddie. Everything you two went through was because of Henry. He killed Chrissy and framed you. Jason didn’t give Steve much of a choice. He was going to disobey orders and hurt you.”

“I always tried to make it up to him… I tried not to show my feelings, pretending I didn’t care we were trapped. Pretending I wasn’t scared and just as angry as he was. I’ve done that my whole life, Y/N. When my mom got sick, I did everything I could to make her laugh so she wouldn’t see how devastated I was. Every time my father came home upset, I acted like I was tough but I was fucking terrified, baby. I was so scared.”

A tear fell from his eye and your immediately wiped it away with your thumb.

“When he fled, I was afraid for my uncle. I didn’t even think twice when I signed up but I was positive I wouldn’t last a month out there on the battlefield. Steven and Robin helped me become a better fighter. With Chris I pretended to be more together than I was. She had enough on her plate at the time and I wanted her to feel safe.”

“It seems like that’s why you pretend, Eddie, so the people you love feel safe.”

Sitting up, he started to cry harder and you immediately crawled to him, curling up in his lap as you held him in your arms.

The sound you recognized as a portal opening grabbed both your attention as you called Steve’s name.

“Hey, no, sorry. It’s just me. I have him here though.”, Robin answered as she came around the corner with the demon leaning half-conscious around her shoulders. “My girlfriend sent me a message saying he was there at the bar. He had been babbling about how human drinks aren’t strong enough and something about you two and Ellis.”

After leading her to the bedroom, she gently placed Steve onto the mattress. When Eddie entered the room, she smiled when she saw your son’s wide eyes looking back at her.

“He woke up.”, the demon announced as Ellis yawned to emphasis his point.

“You need to let your parents get some rest, booger.”, Robin coos as she pokes his nose making him smile.

“Some of our friends said for human babies around this time smiles like that are a reflex.”

“Yeah but he’s not entirely human and that beautiful, drool filled grin didn’t seem reflexive.”, she responded. “It seems like he can handle the demon skin since he’s letting us touch him.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the potion.”, you nod as you reach out to tickle the baby’s chin. “Thank you for bringing Steve back, Robin.”

Softly smiling, she leans down to kiss your forehead.

“Seriously, you and Ellis are so soft—”

“Ay yi, ma’am. This human is ours.”, Eddie playfully scolds as he swats his hand in her direction.

***

Loud banging and clinking echoes behind the door you’re looking at as smoke occasionally slips through the seams. Taking a long exhale, you reach for the handle but someone tapping your shoulder startles you as you turn and smack the person’s face.

“Ow! Jesus woman. How many times are you going to pop me?!”, Eddie whines as he rubs his cheek.

“Edward, how did you—”

“I don’t know. I’ve been looking for the door for months. Maybe you finally calmed me down enough to know what I’m looking for.” Nodding, you kiss his lips. “So what’s the plan?”

“I think…this is Steve’s door. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to access his dreams but I haven’t been able to.”

Holding your hand, he carefully turns the knob and you both step through. Glancing down at his attire, Eddie realizes he’s suddenly in his old battle armor and you both are on the battlefield they fought on all those centuries ago.

“Why am I not in armor?”

“I mean, you weren’t there, baby.”

“What the fuck are you two doing here?!”, Steve’s father shrieks above you as he lands on his feet. “Leave. NOW. My son needs to learn his lesson.”

“YOU’VE been giving him his nightmares?”, you growl.

“Not exactly. He started having them on his own but I’ve been fueling them.”

Shifting your gaze behind him, you both watch as Steve slaughters enemy after enemy, panting as he slowly tires himself out.

“Steven! Do better! You think these fuckers are going to show mercy on your son?! You have to do what I taught you to get the truth!”

Eddie gripped Bill’s throat and angrily threw him to the ground.

“You made your hell his hell, you fucking asshole. He told me all about you and everything you did to him. You ruined his life enough! Leave him be.”

“Please. He’s doing this to himself. He’s worried about you two peasants and that thing. I’m making him better. Stronger.”

Grabbing a sword from the ground, you lift the handle and point the other end towards his throat.

“You heard him. Leave Steven alone or else I swear to God, Bill, I will find a way myself to keep you in hell.”

Growling under his breath, he tried to stand but you and Eddie forced him back down with your weapons. Huffing he suddenly disappeared as well as every other solider that had fallen around the other demon.

“Ed-Edward?”, Steve panted heavily when you noticed you both there. “Y/N? What are you…? It doesn’t matter. We need to get to Ellis or else Henry’s going to kill him. We have to—”

“Baby, look at me.”, Eddie tried to soothe as he cupped his cheeks in his hands. “You’re dreaming ok? Henry is gone and Ellis is in his crib fast asleep.”

“N-No. No? I can hear him. I can hear him crying! Can’t you hear that?!”

“Steven—”

“NO!”, the demon growls loudly as he shoves the man he loves hard backwards. “Who are you?! You’re not Edward. Y-You’re…You’re trying to trick me. Are you Mirage? Did Henry and his dad hire you to stop me?!”

“Steven…”, Eddie cried with worry as he threw the sword he was holding to the ground and held up his hands. “Sweetheart, please, it’s me. I promise. I would never hurt you like that. I would never keep you from our son.”

As he tried to step forward, the other demon shoved him to the ground.

“I-I-I need to get to my son.”, Steve sobbed as his voice cracked. “I know you’re not Eddie. Tell me where he is.”

When he didn’t answer, he pulled back and pushed his weapon downward.

The sound of your grunt filled their ears as your eyes met Steve’s wide glassy ones. When you both looked down, blood drenched his sword where it had pushed through your stomach and around your back.

“Baby?”

Looking up at him again, you smiled through the pain as blood dripped from your lips.

“Why…why does it hurt?”

The three of you opened your eyes at the same time as you sat up clutching your stomach. Lifting up your shirt, there was no wound but it felt so real. You could still feel the stinging pain lingering on your skin.

Eddie’s head slowly turned meeting Steve’s still shocked expression as is mouth hung open in shock.

“I—”

The long-haired demon’s growl cut him off as his eyes glowed bright red.

“Take us to another realm that we can fucking damage NOW.” You didn’t say anything as Steve rose to his feet with his head hung preparing a portal for them to go through. “Stay here.”

Coming around the bed, he waited for the other demon to finish as you peeked into the world they’d be going to. It was completely baron with nothing but white as far as the eye can see.

“Fitting.”, Eddie responded in anger as he and the other demon walked inside.

As the portal began to close, you quickly got up and jumped through right as it disappeared.

You knew Eddie may be mad but after what happened this wasn’t something you were going to let them handle alone.

##############

@tlclick73 @tiannamortis @steeldaisies @goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

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silentglassbreak · 1 month

Text

(Photo credit to @darling-millicent-aubrey’s post)

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

We made it. We fucking made it. The end of Leena and Noah’s story. It’s been a rollercoaster. The special, surreal story that this has become blows me away. To think that I started this with a broken heart and a silhouette of an idea.

Thank you to my regular, dedicated readers. Thank you to those who gave me feedback of any kind. Thank you to the friends I’ve made because of this story. For those of you who checked on me during this difficult time of my life.

Every last one of you reading this. Thank you. After writing notes: I'M NOT CRYING MY EYES ARE SWEATING. For the love of God, listen to the title song the entire time. I hope you like it. :)

Warnings: Fucking marshmallow fluff, my guy

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @xx-like-a-villian-xx @diabolicdiatonics

Part 12 - If I’m There

Two weeks. We had two weeks. Were we trying to figure it out? No. Were we talking about it? Nope. Were we acting as if the last six months had almost never happened?

Pretty much.

Mileena and Addison had all but moved back home with me, their things making their way back little by little every day.

‘I don’t want to annoy Lauren, her and Nick are living together now and she needs space!'

‘I just need a few things, I promise I’m not planning on crowding you.’

‘I can always move back into my place once the tenants leave. It’s no big issue.’

Yeah, I shot that one down pretty quick.

I was constantly reminding Leena that my girls being home made me happier than I had been all year, but she continued to be insecure and refused to believe me. Despite my reassurances, she still insisted that she would not assume I would forgive her for what she put us through this year, and that she still had making up to do.

Interesting perspective, given I had long forgiven her, and was now enjoying my days more than ever. I could write music with a clear head, I ate dinner with my daughter every night, I slept next to my best friend.

She had lost her mind entirely if she thought I was letting this slip away again.

I found myself thinking of her while I perused the grocery store, grabbing not only mine and Addison’s favorite snacks, but hers as well. Sour Punch Straws, blueberry bagels, and snack cheese. When I walked to the check stand, the bouquet of flowers stared at me, daring me to get them for her.

Was it too much? We hadn’t agreed we were back together. I was afraid to spook her. Was getting her flowers too forward?

But they were orange and black daisies…

So I walked out of that grocery store with her snacks, a can of her favorite flavor of Redbull, and a bouquet of Halloween color daisies.

Wow, I’ve become so fucking soft.

Didn’t matter. Because when I stepped in the doorway, and she came to help grab the bags from me, and she laid eyes on the arrangement in my hand, her eyes sparkled like I hadn’t seen in so long. She wasn’t even a flower person. She couldn’t keep a plant alive for longer than a week. But seeing the smile playing on her lips, I knew she was swooning back from the gesture.

Smart fucking move, Sebastian.

Our day passed easily, moving through motions fluidly while tossing small smiles at each other. We cooked dinner in the kitchen, singing and dancing to Addie’s favorite movie soundtrack (currently Moana), while she squealed in her high chair and bounced to the tune.

Bathing Addison was back to being a team effort, given she was trying to climb out of the tub every few seconds. I roared out laughing when Mileena slipped and fell on her ass into the water, soaking her sweats. She promptly pulled me in after, ensuring to spread bubbles over the top of my head. Addison watched on in wonder, not even understanding the fireworks exploding right in front of her.

At night, though? That’s when we felt it most. After the baby was asleep, and we had to exist alone together, the awkward silences always fell between us, leaving us to giggle nervously and go about our own business.

It was in those moments I would finally get a second to ask myself, where were we? Where does this leave us? Does she still want me? Was she feeling as elated as I was? Or was this all a temporary arrangement?

She changed into dry clothes, and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, flipping idly though Netflix for something compelling enough to play. She stepped out of the closet, stopping short in front of me.

“So, what are your plans?”

I quirked an eyebrow, eyes still fixed on the TV. “Plans?”

She leaned a hip on the dresser, folding her arms. “Yeah, like, what are you going to do with the rest of the night?”

Shrugging loosely, I set the remote down and looked at her. “I haven’t decided yet. Probably watch a movie.”

Chewing the inside of her cheek, she nodded slowly. “Okay, that sounds nice.”

What a strange conversation. It felt so forced.

“What about you?”

I could see her mind thinking behind her eyes. Words wanted to come out, but she wasn’t letting them. Eventually, she visibly gave up on whatever internal battle she was having.

“Ugh,” She sighed heavily. “I’ll probably just hang out.” And she began moving toward the doorway.

“Hey.” I called after her and she turned her head to look at me. “Want to hang out together?”

Existing together didn’t have to be hard. I watched the TV, catching up on One Piece, while she sat cross legged across the couch, laptop perched on her legs, chewing a Sour Punch Straw. We had been like this for an hour and a half.

The longer we sat here, the more I could feel myself burning to be closer to her. The distance between us just wasn’t working for me right now.

Her eyes were scanning the screen, clearly enthralled in whatever she was reading, as told by the way the corner of her mouth was pinched up in a small grin.

Disregarding the anime, I slid my body over to her, sprawling flat on my stomach and leaning my head near her lap.

“Whatcha reading?” I propped my head on the palm of my hand.

Her eyes flickered to me for a moment, and a sheepish grin crawled over her.

“A blog.”

My eyes tried to wrap to her screen, but failed given the angle. “About what?”

Considering for a moment, she gave me a look painted with mischief.

“About you.”

My eyes popped open. “Me?”

She cackled. “Not the real you.” This only confused me further, my face screwing up trying to figure out what she meant. “You ever had a Tumblr?”

I sat up then, crossing my legs in the same fashion as her. “When I was fifteen, maybe?”

Her giggles were uncontrollable. “Well, it still exists, and Laura asked me recently if I had ever looked to see how much fanfiction was written about you guys.”

My brain clicked into place. “You’re reading fanfiction? About me?”

She leaned back leisurely. “Some of these are very intriguing. I find it wildly entertaining.”

“Like what?”

Leena smirked, scrolling on her screen. “Well, there’s one on here that is crazy popular, about you falling in love with the lead singer of another band. I’m only four chapters in, but it’s actually really good.” She clicked on a link, a GIF of myself when my hair was long and pulled up in a claw clip popped up on the screen. “And this is one of the more tame ones.”

This piqued my interest. “Oh? How bad does it get?”

I watched as she slipped a little further into her hoodie, mildly embarrassed.

“I may or may not have found a large amount of smut written about you.”

My eyes bulged then, and my hands snatched the laptop off of her.

“No fucking way!”

I began scrolling, but her hands were grabbing at the laptop. She was shrieking at me to give it back while stopping to laugh. “Don’t Noah! You can’t read your own fanfiction! That’s some kind of crime against physics or something!”

I chuckled, lifting the computer out of her reach while she clawed at me.

“Why? Because it would break some kind of dimensional third wall?”

She continued her efforts while I chuckled at her.

“That or it’s extremely humiliating!”

“Worth it.”

She began climbing over me in her attempts to reach the laptop, which had me laughing even harder.

“Don’t drop my computer or I’ll kill you!” She growled at me. The threat resembled something you’d see in a cartoon, given how much smaller she was than me.

Still, somewhere inside me, I didn’t exactly doubt it.

“Only if you read me some of the dirty stuff.”

Her mouth fell open and eyes bugged out. “Excuse me?”

Lowering my brows, I brought the laptop closer to her reach. “Read me some smut about me.”

Her hand finally grabbed the edge of the computer, pulling it away as she fell back on her ass on the couch.

“Absolutely not.”

I made a show of pouting my lip out, and gave her my best rendition of sad puppy eyes.

“Please? I’m so fucking curious.”

She waved me off. “You’ve got a computer, read it yourself!”

I then narrowed my eyes and licked my lip. “That’s not as fun.”

She scoffed, sitting back, and smiled precariously. "Not happening, perv."

I rolled my eyes. "You are so boring."

Her tongue darted out between her lips and she scrunched up her nose to mock me. I took the opportunity to catch her off guard, tackling her around the midsection back onto the couch. This caused a small squeak out of her, and her hand quickly shelved the laptop on the coffee table. I sat up on my knees, straddling her waist, and stared down at her menacingly.

"You should know better than to make fun of me."

She pointed a finger while looking up at me. "You called me boring!"

Smirking, I lifted both hands, mimicking claws. "Now, say sorry for being a brat."

Her mouth fell open in disbelief. "I'm the brat? You're the one getting mad because I won't do what you want."

Without warning, my hands came down to grab at her sides, squeezing and tickling mercilessly while she shrieked, squirming underneath me.

"Noah! Stop it!"

My tongue caught between my teeth, I continued my attack, hitting all the right spots. "Nope. Not until you say sorry."

Breathlessly, she tried to speak. "I'm- fuck!" Her back arched off of the couch, pressing hard against my crotch, as she did all she could to get away from me. "I'm sorry!"

My hands stilled, and I squeezed her hips tightly. "Thank you, princess."

She caught her breath, chest rising and falling while she stared up at me, eyelids crested.

Just like that, the air was thick. It came screaming back to my attention that we hadn't touched each other, or even been this close, since the night we fucked after dinner, in this very spot. By the look I saw sparkling behind her eyes, she was realizing the very same thing.

My fingers still pressed into her sides, I lowered my face to reach her, pressing my nose into the side of her neck and nuzzling gently. I heard the slightest giggle escape her, and I let my hands wander up her sides. Laying myself down beside her, I let my lips begin dropping soft kisses on the skin just behind her ear. My arm, now laid across her stomach, felt the hard breath she exhaled.

Her hand fell on my arm, fingers gripping me and pulling me tighter against her.

Mileena turned her face to look into my eyes, and gave me the smallest smile I may have ever seen. My chest swelled, and I pulled her toward me, pressing my lips against hers gently. She reciprocated the kiss, lazily rolling to her side and tucking herself comfortably against me.

How long we stayed this way, limbs entwined and mouths connected, I'll never know. I only knew that it was so warm, and so sweet to have her hard pressed into my soul, and not preparing to run at any given moment.

Once we finally broke apart, I truly believe that we both were so comfortable, and so content, that we ended up dozing off wrapped around each other.

"Noah?" I could barely hear her voice over the spray of the shower.

"Yes?" I'm certain my words were muffled, as I was scrubbing soap over my face.

We had woken up, stiff and backs sore, about twenty minutes ago, still on the couch. The only way to loosen my muscles was with a boiling hot shower, so I allowed myself while Leena brewed the morning coffee and we waited for Addison to wake up.

"We need to talk."

The words struck a cord so deep inside me that I felt every bone in my body crack ever so slightly. My hands halted on my skin, and the water poured off of me. Thirty full seconds of silence followed, so I finally responded.

"About?"

"Us."

Fuck. She was going to run. She'd become so God damn flighty.

I turned the water off, despite that I still hadn't washed my hair, and swung the curtain open to see her standing, arms crossed, staring at me with deep brown eyes mimicking a doe crossing a highway. She looked me up and down, maybe lingering a fraction of a second longer on my cock.

I grabbed the towel from the rack, and waved a hand at her. "Okay, what do we need to talk about?"

Blinking a few times, she stepped back to give me room to climb out of the shower.

"Well," She cleared her throat. "I've been thinking," I could see the nerves radiating off of her in waves. "we need to decide what we're doing."

I cocked an eyebrow at her after shaking my hair out. "We do?"

This drug a sigh out of her. "Yes? We can't live in limbo forever."

"Define 'limbo', because I thought it was pretty clear." I was taking a chance with my choice of words, but I was going to run with it.

"Clear? I'm kind of living here again, we had sex, we made out for like half an hour last night, but..." She trailed off while following me to the closet.

"But...?"

I disappeared into the open closet. "But," She paused, and I imagined that she was making her frustrated face. "we never resolved anything."

"What do we need to resolve?" I pulled my Henley over my head. "I thought we both made a solid effort to grow from the whole thing."

"Okay, but the original issue-"

I cut her off as I popped out of the closet. "Was Rachel. And she's obviously been dealt with." I pointed to her. "You made sure of that." I smirked, and I saw a slow blush creep up her neck.

"Rachel wasn't the issue. Or the whole issue." She was sitting on the dresser now.

"Alright, so let's talk about it." I dropped down on the edge of the bed, and put my palms up in the air, opening the floor.

She leaned back against the wall, hands folded in her lap, and looked down to the floor. "If we get back together, I don't know how to do this." She shrugged. "The touring, the being alone, all of the girls. It's a lot, Noah."

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, chin on my hands.

"I feel like I could lose you at a moment's notice. What if you meet someone out there on the road? Someone better? That won't be sitting at home tying you down?"

I just shook my head. "Mileena, I don't want anyone else. Or anything else. You, Addie, and Angel. That's it for me. I don't need anything else."

"I know you say that, and when you do, I believe you. My mind just wanders when I'm at home. It starts with the thoughts, small and ridiculous. But then they grow. You forget to call, or I see a video of you talking to a girl. Then my mind goes wild, and I just don't know how to deal with it. It's maddening." She scrubbed her hands over her face. "It makes me feel insane."

"Hmm," I perused this. My brain was racing, trying to figure out what I could do to reassure her. "I offered to quit."

Her eyes popped open. "No. Absolutely not. I wouldn't allow it."

"Why not?"

"Because, Noah. As much as I love being with you, and would kill to have you all to myself all of the time, I love you too much to see you quit the one thing that makes you that kind of happy." She stared at me, no ounce of falter on her face. "You were meant to do this, and I refuse to let you stop because of me."

Well, hard to argue that.

"Okay, so what is it that bothers you most? What is your worst case scenario?"

Leena looked positively defeated when she spoke, which caused a thin fracture to run through my heart.

"That you won't love me anymore. Won't want to come home to me. That I'll lose you."

"And what can I do? What will show you that it's just not fucking possible?" I begged.

"I don't know. I don't think anything can."

How did we get here? We were so unified. A solid, strong, bulletproof team that could take on anything. And without much effort on either part, we had shattered like glass. We were broken. Our love had fragmented, and even if we tried to keep it together, I just couldn't get the fucking pieces to stick.

Unless...

I jumped off of the bed, the idea sparking through me as a bolt of lightning. It startled her, and she gave me a concerned look.

"I've got to go somewhere." I grabbed my shoes from their place next to the bed.

"What?" I could see the look in her eyes, as if I just swept the rug from under her.

I stopped as I began to brush past her, dropping a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll only be gone a little bit. Back by dinner, I promise."

Her mouth fell open. "Noah, I didn't mean to-"

I clapped a hand over her mouth, forcing her to stop.

"Shhh, nope. Stop. Not right now. I promise, we will finish this conversation, just not right now. Not today."

Releasing her mouth, I bounded out of the room, and trotted down the stairs.

"Wait!" I looked back up at her, at the top of the banister. "The bounce house will be here in an hour!"

"Have them put it in the backyard."

She rolled her eyes. "My Dad's flight gets in at 7."

"And I will be there to pick him up."

She growled. "Where are you going?"

I threw a wink at her before slipping out of the front door.

"You really think this is going to work?" Nick's voice was skeptical, to say the least, as we walked through the mall. "Leena's not one for gifts, you know."

My hands were in my pockets, my nerves making me rip at the cuticles. "Dude, it fucking has to." I chewed my bottom lip. "Where the fuck is this place?!"

"Relax, dude. It's at the very back of the mall." He walked comfortably next to me. "How did this come up, anyway?"

"Dude, I can't get into it or I may fucking pussy out. Let's just go over the plan again?"

He rolled his eyes. "Laura and I will get to the party twenty-minutes late so Mileena is pissed and distracted. I'll have the 'gift' in the car." He quoted himself. "I'll discreetly go grab it during presents. And after cake, you'll give it to her."

I nodded. "What if she hates it?"

He shook his head, laughing to himself. "I don't know, but if she starts flipping out? I am gone."

A two-year old's birthday party is a weird setting on it's own, let alone on a day like today. Sun shining, slightly chilly, light breeze. Weird day. Scary day. Potentially earth-shattering day.

Attempts to avoid Mileena's interrogations last night after I got home were only successful due to her Dad being there and keeping her distracted. He didn't know what the plan was. No one did. I was going to catch her so far off-guard, I had hoped it would be just fucking good enough to get her to not lose her shit.

It was a risk.

But what's life without a little risk?

"Happy birthday to you!" Everyone in the room chanted as Mileena walked through the dining room, cake lit with two individual blue candles on the cake holding Bluey's face on top.

"Happy birthday dear Addison." I stood to stand behind her, hand on the small of her back, watching the subtle tears pool at the corner of her eyes.

"Happy birthday to you!" Addie was absolutely enamored, eyes wide and two teeth shining brightly in the glow of the flames.

Leena and I both bent down on either side of where she sat in her highchair, and blew out the candles, earning a round of applause from the large crowd gathered in my home, all here to celebrate this sweet little life we had created.

Once the lights came back up, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face while she cut the cake, and placed a thick slice on Addie's high chair. We all watched her smush the cake with her hands, shoveling it into her mouth, as we enjoyed our own pieces.

Folios took it upon himself to pull her out of the chair, and take her in to the bathroom to clean her up. Mileena followed to assist.

I stood, nearly trembling now, watching as various children and a few adults bounced in the inflatable house in front of me, taking up most of my backyard. My mind was being pulled in so many different directions. What if she hated it? What if she screamed? What if she ran away? What if I fucked up, again?

A hand clapped the back of my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hey, man." Jolly stood next to me, beer in hand, smiling proudly. "Our girl is two now, hard to believe."

I smiled, baring all of my teeth. "Right? Getting too big, too fast."

He nodded, pulling from the bottle. "You good? You seem a little shaky."

"Yeah," I shrugged, trying to even my breathing. "just thinking."

"Not second thoughts, I hope?" Jolly bumped me with his elbow.

"Not exactly. I can't return it. I just..." I trailed off.

"What, man? What are you so worried about?"

I sighed. "I don't know, dude. What if it doesn't work? What if she leaves again?"

Jolly shook his head firmly. "No. She won't."

My head fell back, frustrated. "You don't know that. You don't know her like I do."

Another gulp of his beer down. "I don't, but I know you."

I looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Man, no two people look at each other the way you guys do. No man feels guilty for just thinking about another woman the way you did. No woman is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for someone else's the way she was." He glanced back over his shoulder at where she had emerged, setting Addison free to go back in the bounce house.

She looked like heaven. Black plain short-sleeved t-shirt. High-waisted white pleated skirt. Long raven hair falling loosely over her shoulders with just the lightest wave to it. No makeup. Chocolate brown eyes shining in what was left of the sunlight.

That was mine. I needed it. I needed it forever.

"The way you're looking at her now." I was brought back to the conversation with Jolly. "That there?" He pointed with his index finger that held the bottle. "That's it for you, man. Don't second guess yourself."

That was it. That was all I needed.

My feet were pulling me toward her, purpose pushing me every step over the grass. She was sitting in a chair, leaning forward to hear what Laura was telling her from where she sat across the table. She was smiling. Fuck, I'm so weak when she's smiling.

I can do this. I can fucking do this.

"Hey, Noah!" Laura's voice brought Mileena's attention to me, craning her neck to stare, a smile still gracing her lips.

"Hey, you okay?"

I gave Laura a small wave, and looked at Leena. "Yeah, why?"

She smirked, turning her body fully toward me. "You look like you're about to be sick."

I was. Absolutely was going to vomit.

"I'm good, I just need to, uh" I scratched the back of my head, which made her raise an eyebrow. "I wanted to..."

I couldn't look at her, which made her suspicious.

"Noah?"

"Huh?" I finally returned her gaze.

"What's going on?"

Closing my eyes for a second, I took a slow, deep breath, and righted myself.

I can fucking do this.

"Can we talk?" I reached a hand for her, which she took, and I caught the shadow of the look that crossed Laura's face. She had made me, I knew she had, but she wouldn't say it out loud.

Leena stood, following as I led her to the middle of the yard, away from too many prying ears, but still within eyesight of the party.

"What's up?" She was confused, and that was okay.

By this time, we had caught the attention of most partygoers, who I could see whispering amongst themselves and watching. I also noticed the music on the Bluetooth had stopped, no doubt to hear what was happening. Nosey fuckers.

I turned so she could face me, back to everyone else.

"I told you that we would finish our conversation from yesterday morning."

She scoffed. "Now? Shouldn't we wait until everyone leaves?"

I shook my head. "No, because if I wait any longer I might actually explode."

Her head cocked slightly to the side, confused. "I'm not following."

"I know. You're not supposed to. I'm bad at keeping secrets, so it's kind of crazy I managed over twenty-four hours without you figuring it out." I smiled a small, hesitant grin.

"What?"

"Mileena, you said that you were afraid that one day, I wouldn't love you anymore? That I won't want to come home to you, and you'll lose me, right? You remember?" My words were spilling over each other, and she was struggling to keep up.

"Yes...?" She was so hesitant. My stomach flipped backwards. What if it didn't work?

"And when I asked what I could do to show you that wasn't possible, you said you didn't know?"

She just nodded. I grabbed her hands.

"Well," I inhaled a big breath. "I don't know either."

Her eyes twitched slightly, like she was waiting on a startle that never came.

"You don't?"

"I don't." I let one hand go, reaching into my sweatshirt pocket. "But," I ran my fingers over the cube, velvet over the pad of my thumb, before I removed it from it's hiding place. "I've got an idea of where to start."

Her eyes darted down to my hand, and the shock blazed over her face.

"What the fuck is that?"

I wasn't going to let it deter me. We've come too far. I sunk down, as traditional as ever.

"Mileena," My hands presented it to her, cracking it at the hinge, the black, coffin-shaped onyx perched on the rose gold band, encrusted with crystals, on full display to her. "it's not that I can't live without you."

"Holy fuck..." Her mouth hung open, eyes glued to the ring in my hands.

"I have just come to learn that I don't fucking want to."

"Noah," The tears began to form. "what are you doing?"

"I'm making it official. No more questions. No more limbo."

She only responded with a small, breathless, squeak.

"Mileena Jane Richards, will you marry me?"

Silence can be so loud sometimes, but here? In that moment? The entire world was without a single, utter sound.

I stared at her, it was all I could do, as I watched the gears turn. Process what I had just asked. And every passing millisecond, I was sure my heart would explode.

"Yes."

And if you're there, to catch me when I fall, then maybe hell ain't so bad after all.

The End

#bad omens #fanfic #noah sebastian #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens cult

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biowho · 10 months

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I really wish the indicator that Garrus loves Shepard (or at least that he cares for her deeply) happened on Horizon when Kaidan was lamenting about how difficult her death was for him. Like when Kaidan says “Shepard I loved you.” GarBear just cuts in with “You aren’t the only one who took it hard” or somethin to that effect

I’ve just always liked when she talks to the colonist who blames her for not saving everyone how Garrus immediately tried to reassure her that that she did everything right, that she did her best & then in stark contrast Kaidan goes ‘oh wow you’re both evil now’ (& rightfully so from his perspective)

#mass effect #garrus vakarian #shakarian #mass effect 2

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 11 months

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wow man why did the new chapter have to be for sponsorship? it was difficult to control my anxiety. any post I thought was a new chapter. when the notice appeared my happiness fell into a hole full of depression. Man I waited for so long for a new chapter to come out. that it wasn't long before I started to freak out, I'm serious I almost freaked out! I got angry and then sad. my mother was even worried, asking: what happened son? why are you locked in the bathroom? (I lock myself in the bathroom with my stuffed animal when I'm having a crisis) I'm autistic.

Buddy I'm going to be honest here:

That isn't healthy.

I love people reading my comic, and I'm glad you and other people enjoy it a whole lot. I want to keep making it!

But I'm one person, and I need money to live. I understand this might be hard to conceptualize if you're young and still living with your mom, but MY emotional health hinges on having enough money to eat for the month. So if YOUR emotional health hinges on me not posting my Patreon once in a while (a thing I promote because it greatly helps me financially) then we are inherently at an odds.

It's not anyone's fault... but it's not a good place for either of us.

I don't want to discourage you from reading the comic, but also, if it's hurting you to see me post specific things and not others, then you're probably not in a stable enough mental place to enjoy the webcomics in general, which are often updated only when my time allows me to, in between my other responsibilities which take precedence (like my main irl job and tasks).

I sincerely hope you can find a way to build a healthier relationship with media, because I have seen other people allow this sort of thing to destroy their mental health, and I don't think it needs to happen to anyone. My comics are not - and will never be - a clockwork thing. I cannot break myself in order to keep you calm.

I am posting a reply to your ask not because I want to make you feel bad, but because you deemed your feelings strong enough to send this to me, so I believe you probably care enough to understand my perspective:

It's not a healthy thing to hinge your emotional stability on one person or thing. It will eat you up from the inside, and you will starve yourself more effectively this way.

#chekhov answers

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jennyanima · 4 months

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Just Look My Way

Yello!

YESSS IT'S FINALLY FINISHED YAY! IT TOOK CENTURIES!

OK NO 😂

Wow! This is by far the most difficult drawing that I've ever made.

Too much light and shadows and the perspectives oof.

But I'm really happy with the final result.And don't forget that every digital drawing that I make is made in my android phone.

So it took too much time that I thought.

The song "Just Look My Way" is beautiful and sad, poor Stolas, I really wanted to draw his sadness in this.

But well, I hope you like this the much as I do!

Thanks for watching this!

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holywizardheart · 2 years

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Why do people fall in love with you?

Please don't take it too seriously. 😉This is a common layout for everyone. You can choose one of three options and take what resonates.💕

Please enjoy this reading🐶

☕Pile 1☕

Hi, guys let me start this reading. You guys are very understanding and responsive people. You always accept the person as he is and never go against them. You always try to be active and energetic in contact with people. You mind your own business, especially when it comes to relationships. You strive to avoid all sorts of love triangles as much as possible. Because you know it won't end well. People admire your unusual aura, it feels like you are not like other people. You're completely different. You are also very responsible about business and are a determined individual. People like this trait of your character. Reasonable and logical, a little cold when it comes to work or business. You can have pets or love taking care of animals.

Sagittarius placements, Saturn dominant, Cancer placements, 2nd house placements

🍃Pile 2🍃

Hello, pile 2, welcome to my reading. Wow, girls, you are so hot and attract a lot of male attention. But you know it's like you're always rejecting them. To be honest, I feel a little sorry for them. They then suffer from the fact that you often ignore them and do not pay due attention. You are also perceived as an energetic and cheerful person. Maybe because of it, they fall in love with you? As I mentioned, you don't get into a relationship quickly and it will take you a lot of time. But people appreciate the help and support from your side. You always cheer up and give pleasant memories. You're like an ouch of the sun and people like it. For some, it may be difficult for you to take the first step or start something new. But you are a quite curious person. Perhaps you like to study and learn interesting facts. That's why people fall in love with you. Maybe you're good at communication and sharing ideas. You love spending money on yourself and dressing stylishly. Do you like plants or generally being in nature?

Venus dominant, 3rd house placements, 2nd house placements, Jupiter dominant

👑Pile 3👑

Hi, option 3 I am very glad to see you in my post and let's get started. Wow, you radiate such confidence and harmony. You must have high self-esteem and know your worth. Quite stable and prefer living only for yourself. There is also certain greed here, and perhaps you don't like spending money. To this, I also want to add that you are friendly and polite to everyone. People like to spend time with you, and it always causes them admiration and delight. But like other people, you have your worries and responsibilities. People notice how you try to pay attention even if you have a mountain of work. You are very curious and expect bright perspectives from the future. You are optimistic about everything that surrounds you. People fall in love with you for these character traits.

Sun dominant, 4th house placements, 2nd house placements, 1st house placements

Do you find interesting skateboarding or riding a bike?

#pick a picture #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a deck #pick a side #tarot reading #tarot witch #daily tarot #tarot deck #tarot cards #free tarot #tarotblr

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fists-on-up · 3 months

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I started this blog when Twitter looked like it was going down so I could keep up with my gaylor friends. Most of them are still on Twitter, but as a writer I am a wordy motherfucker & I hate character limits. So, rather than let this blog lay dormant I am going to use it for more personal gaylor related things & more abstract/complex perspectives.

I might as well start by explaining how I stumbled upon the gaylor community because I feel like my journey here was much different than most.

I am a little older than Taylor & have mostly listed to rock & EDM my whole life. I don't hate pop, but I don't really seek it out & I don't care much about trends or pop culture. I had heard the most popular Taylor Swift songs in passing. I didn't hate Taylor at all, I just never looked further into her music.

I do vaguely remember feeling like YBWM sounded very much like being in love with your high school best friend who doesn't consider you an option because you're a girl, and as a Shakespeare obsessed lesbian Love Story pinged the ol' gaydar because forbidden love is way more common for queer people. It's not impossible, though, for a girl's family to not approve of a particular boy so I chalked it up to a specific situation she faced coupled with me viewing lyrics through my own (very gay) experiences. Especially given the fact that Romeo & Juliet tends to be referenced often based upon a very surface-level understanding of the story.

These thoughts did stick with me subconsciously, as it turns out. One day I was listening to a Spotify generated playlist I was really digging and Don't Blame Me came on while I was in the shower. I thought "Wow, this is a very sexy, Sapphic song who the hell is this??" I checked when I got out of the shower & was so confused. I LOVED it and listened to it frequently, but it still hadn't clicked completely.

Then I heard only the bridge to Cruel Summer in a TikTok & said "Oh my God, she's gay!" I immediately recognized how painful & difficult it is to play the part of "friends" in public and the sense of doom that comes with realizing you're in love with a girl while closeted. If you've never had that experience, I envy you. How we treat people we're in love with isn't really planned out, it's automatic. Trying to catch that & substitute "friendly" behavior when you don't even know HOW to be her friend is very hard. It's hard to not feel insecure when the woman you love treats you like a friend, too. It's hard to hide the love and the pain if you wear your heart on your sleeve. In short, it's torture. A unique torture you can only really describe or recognize if you've experienced it. I have, and immediately knew Taylor had too.

As soon as this clicked I immediately devoured her entire discography over & over again. For days it was all I did, starting before I got out of bed and ending when I fell asleep with a notepad on my bed listening to evermore (again). I was 100% certain she is queer before I ever Googled "Taylor Swift gay?". I didn't even know there was lore or a community at first.

I didn't just recognize her queerness because I'm queer, however. I recognized it because I'm a writer. Not by profession. By passion, I suppose. And what really made it clear was what Taylor doesn't say.

I realized I was gay when I was 14 years old and when I did I wasn't scared, I was excited. I had come to the conclusion that the entire world was just... faking it. Girls would kiss boys & go on & on about it, almost every song, movie, & book was about love, and I just couldn't relate. I had kissed more than a few boys, but I seriously did not understand. I would pretend to fit in, but it was not at all appealing to me.

Then a friend stayed the night & kissed me. A friend that I wasn't consciously attracted to at all, and yet - fireworks. Suddenly I realized that people weren't exaggerating or lying about attraction & love. I realized that the concept of attraction wasn't merely recognizing that a boy was conventionally attractive, it was attraction like two magnets pulled together. Like gravity. I wasn't broken, the world wasn't a lie, and I was fucking ecstatic about it.

But then I told some close friends and most of them immediately stopped talking to me. Some became hostile. This was around 1999-2000 in Small Town, Texas where there were no out queer people. Looking back I understand that it was just a matter of kids being ignorant and uneducated and, well, kids but at the time it was confusing. I tried to backpedal and told the friends who stayed that I was bisexual. I even tried to be bisexual (spoiler: I am not). The excitement I initially felt quickly turned to fear & I chose to hide it from anyone else.

To cope with the constant overflow of my newly-activated heart and the isolation of having no one who understands, I poured myself into poetry. I started reading Shakespeare at 11 and had read most classical works by the same age. By 14 I had multiple poems published in collections, had read every work of Shakespeare & Poe, and had memorized the Chorus to Romeo & Juliet. Using poetry to cope was kind of my brand. So cope I did.

I wrote thousands of poems. I filled binders & spirals & journals. I was always writing. Most people knew I was published young & knew I was writing like crazy, so it wasn't uncommon for other kids to read what I was working on. Sometimes they'd commission a poem from me.

The fear of anyone finding out (including my parents) meant that I had to be very, very careful with how I worded things. No she/her pronouns. Nothing that would give me away. The occasional red herring. I would be specific enough that the muse would know it was about her, but no one else would.

I almost always wrote to the muse, using "you" more than anything. Poetry is like a love letter, so it comes naturally, but it also prevented the need for gendered pronouns. I wrote that way so much I still default to it now (and I have a hard time NOT pouring my heart out to anyone I care about). I didn't realize it at the time, but my writing was inherently queer coded despite my efforts to conceal it because, well, I'm queer. Sound familiar?

There are simply some things that are upside down when you're queer & you don't even recognize it because you've never NOT been queer. Things you say straight girls wouldn't. Things you don't say that straight girls would. Straight people don't see it because they've never NOT been straight. Hell, queer men won't recognize Sapphic language because they've never been attracted to a woman OR been a woman.

There are subtle, inherent tells separate from intentional tells or flags. I didn't realize that, and neither did the kids (or adults) who read my work semi-regularly.

One day my close friend borrowed my poetry journal to catch up on what I had written. This was an especially vulnerable journal, but it was just as obfuscated as everything else. I thought nothing of it and went about my day.

Hours later, during lunch, I was outside probably bumming a cigarette off of an equally punkass kid or smoking a bit of weed from a pipe crafted out of a soda can when I heard a girl shouting my name. I left the hidden corner and walked to the main area to see a girl I didn't know walking around, calling my name loudly over and over. I called back to her, confused but glad it wasn't a teacher busting me smoking.

When we were finally face to face she confirmed that I am in fact me & I realized that she was holding my journal. She pulled me to a more secluded area, looked me in my eyes, and said "these are about girls, right?"

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck shit.

I was a sophomore. 15 years old. She was a senior. A beautiful black girl named Lovely who I only knew of because it was a small school. And here she was just... straight up asking me. No one had ever asked me before. I had never had to answer this question before. I was caught off guard & wholly unprepared for this.

The closet is an awful place when you hate lying.

So, I didn't lie. For some reason I looked right into this girl's eyes and reluctantly, fearfully, said "Yes." Then I held my breath.

But she didn't laugh at me, didn't call me a dyke, didn't preach at me. She just... fucking cried.

This lovely girl named Lovely completely broke down in front of me, a complete stranger, and I did not realize what was happening.

Turns out Lovely wasn't just lovely, she was queer. And scared. And so, so lonely. She thought she was the only one, until she heard what my poetry didn't say. She recognized the inherent queerness in my writing because she identified with it and immediately came to find me.

I consider that conversation to be one of the most pivotal, defining interactions of my life. The entire time I thought I was alone & Lovely was there. Lovely thought she was alone & I was there, and I suddenly realized coming out wasn't really about me. It wasn't about the friends and family who would reject me. It was also about being visible. Being brave. Being proud. It was about the other queer kids who thought they were the only one. The other kids who couldn't come out. With this realization, from this conversation, I found purpose.

The very next day, Lovely came to school in baggy jeans and a basketball jersey - a huge departure from the very feminine presentation she always had. We never talked about it again, just exchanged fond smiles and nods in the hallway, but she came out to some extent. I came out within a week of our conversation, and I made a conscious decision that I was going to be loud about it.

My mom was great when I came out & I knew she'd have my back. Before the word "privilege" was commonplace, I at least understood that my supportive mom gave me an advantage others didn't have. I felt like I had not only the ability but the responsibility to be visible and unapologetic.

I was a rebellious little shit. I would make out with girls in the hallway. I lined the inside of my locker with Playboy pictures. I wrote "gay" on my forehead in hot pink lipstick when I got sick of being asked if I was "fully gay".

As a result, the varsity quarterback would call me in tears to talk through his struggles with his sexuality. I knew the most popular boys all of the girls wanted were actually very in love with each other. Girls who would laugh along with their friends who called me a dyke would hook their fingers into mine when they passed me in the hallway & pull me into dark rooms at parties when no one was looking.

I became the keeper of secrets. Society makes queer people lie & uses the guilt of that "deception" to keep people closeted. We lie to ourselves, then to everyone else, then to all but a few trusted people, then even when we're out we lie on behalf of others. I still hold secrets, even for those who don't "deserve" my loyalty. It's part of it, like an unspoken code. Closeting is lying, whether we like that or not. But lying is morally neutral. Intent & impact matter.

That time of my life was hard. Teachers would treat me differently. One flat out told me I would go to hell in front of the class. Another refused to intervene when my girlfriend was physically attacked by another girl who was pissed about her dating me. The school tried, for a time, to force me to use the boys locker room so other girls wouldn't feel uncomfortable. The school tried to ban me from taking a girl to prom (even though I was taking a friend, my girlfriend's family wouldn't allow her to go with me). A group of boys chanted "1, 2, 3, 4, death to the lesbian whore" when I got to school every morning. I got in a lot of fist fights. Mostly with that group of boys. Someone broke into my locker and wrote "dyke" all over & inside of my text books in huge magic marker. I remember telling one of my teachers I couldn't read part of an assignment because of it & trying not to cry. I was preached at constantly by kids & a few teachers who saw me as an opportunity to "save a soul". I have a lot of stories.

But you know what? I got the teacher that told me I would go to hell fired. I fought back when they tried to make me use the boys locker room. When they tried to ban me from prom, I printed hundreds of pages of court rulings from cases in which schools tried to do that to other gay kids, stormed into the principal's office, dropped it on her desk and threatened her. I went to prom with my friend. And after I had graduated, my high school girlfriend (who was a grade below me) finally got to take me to hers. A gay boy I'd never met won prom king and he thanked me for it. I didn't even know him, but he knew me. I won every single fist fight. I didn't cry about the slurs written in my books in front of people & I protested when they washed it off of the front of my locker. I wanted it to be the dyke locker. I took everything they gave me with a smile & asked for more, because it showed other kids it was possible. I made myself a lightning rod for hate on purpose, because then the "less problematic" queer kids were seen in a better light. It protected them. It also made sure they knew I was there. And they came to me & I did my best to help. I chased girls & have so many stories about drunken hookups and falling in love. Wild nights & happy days.

Don't get me wrong, I fucked up plenty too. I certainly wasn't a hero, and I put myself in very real danger multiple times. There were a lot of failures & mistakes. There was a lot of pain. But it was absolutely, positively fucking worth it. Despite it all I look back on that time fondly & I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. And I'd do it the same.

That time of my life shaped who I am in every way. I'm still that punkass kid (even though I'm pushing 40 now). Still a fighter who doesn't care how much pain I endure if I'm doing the right thing. And I never would have become that person if a girl named Lovely hadn't picked up on the queer themes in my writing that I wasn't even intentionally adding. So for me, it's kind of serendipitous that the very thing that led me to becoming everything I am today is the thing that I saw & heard in Taylor. That led me to so much beautiful art, beautiful love stories, and beautiful people in the gaylor community that is so, so dear to me now.

It takes one to know one, but sometimes knowing one puts you on the path to knowing yourself.

#gaylor #gaylor swift #taylor swift

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zorlok-if · 1 year

Text

Sharing the the dark theme's mobile UI and what I consider to be one of the cooler features of my Goncharov game jam entry (now called Creating Goncharov).

Early on the game asks you to sign into your work computer. If you input a certain name, well... the game adjusts accordingly.

IDs/transcriptions in alt text and below pictures.

[image 1: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a passage designed to look like a computer sign-in screen. The name that's been entered is "Martin Scorsese". /end ID]

[image 2: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a passage designed to look like an email. The email is titled "New Assignment" and is being sent from "Boss" to "Martin Scorsese". The body of the email reads: "Good morning, Mr. Scorsese. I have a very exciting opportunity for you. Later today I'll be pitching a new film—specifically a Goncharov remake—to a group of investors and, of course, I've chosen you to put that pitch together. My meeting is at 11:00 so hopefully you've arrived at work early. If, for whatever reason, you don't think you're the right fit for this project, let me know asap. I can easily find someone else for the job, but we don't have any time to waste. We are all very excited to present you with this opportunity and look forward to seeing what you'll do with this project! Let me know your response as soon as you finish" /end ID]

[image 3: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a narrative passage. The passage reads "You stare at the computer screen for a long while. "Of course I've chosen you." Why of course? You are a prolific director and any project attached to your name is certain to wow investors, but there's one big problem. You haven't seen Goncharov. You haven't even heard of Goncharov before. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Your Martin Scorsese, you can make a masterpiece out of anything. You'll figure something out. Even if you don't have a good idea for the plot, you can always call up Rob and Al, see if you can get them onboard. No investor would turn down a film with Scorsese, De Niro, and Pacino attached to it. You reply to your boss." /end ID]

[image 4: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a passage designed to look like an email. The email is titled "RE: New Assignment" and is being sent from "Martin Scorsese" to "Boss". The body of the email reads: "Good morning to you as well. I'd like to thank you for thinking of me for this project. I can certainly fit it into my busy schedule. You mentioned that you had more details, I urge you to send those along so we can get this ball rolling as soon as possible. This movie won't make itself. Yours, Martin Scorsese" /end ID]

[image 5: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a passage designed to look like an email. The email is titled "RE: New Assignment" and is being sent from "Boss" to "Martin Scorsese". "Al B" has been CC'd. The body of the email reads: "Fantastic! And thank you for responding so promptly. The details are as follows: You need to craft a pitch for a 2023 adaptation of your 1973 classic, Goncharov. We aren't asking you to stray too far from the original. Goncharov is already a masterpiece and our audiences already adore it. This is meant to be a celebration more than anything in honor of the upcoming 50th anniversary. We are very excited to see what you will do given the opportunity to remake Goncharov with access to modern technology, new perspectives you've gained over the years, and (if this pitch goes well) a much bigger budget than you would have had at the start of your career." /end ID]

[image 6: The continuation of the last email described. The email continues: "Deepest apologies for only reaching out to you now, but I'll remind you that unfortunately we only have until 11:00. If possible, I'd also like to go over your ideas and thoughts before I present them to the potential investors, so the earlier you can get this pitch to me, the better. Anyways, go work your magic. Not that it'll be difficult; as Roger Ebert said, "Goncharov is the greatest mafia movie ever made." Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be fantastic." /end ID]

[image 7: A screenshot from Creating Goncharov of a narrative passage. The passage reads "Wait. That can't be right. You read the email again. No, you read that correctly. They definitely said that Goncharov was your movie. Is that... possible? Could you really have forgotten about one of your own films. I mean it was 1973, apparently. You aren't as young as you once were and maybe it's been so long that you've somehow... forgot? No, that can't be it. If you made a film that Roger Ebert called "the"—what was it? You check the email again. "The greatest mafia movie ever made," you would definitely remember that. Right? ...Right?" /end ID]

[image 8: A cycling choice from the game Creating Goncharov. It reads "Yeah, you know your own body of work. They must be mistaken somehow or there has to be some kind of miscommunication. You did not make Goncharov. You're 99.99% sure." /end ID]

[image 9: A cycling choice from the game Creating Goncharov. It reads "Maybe... maybe not. They're probably mistaken or there's some kind of miscommunication, but you're 80% sure that you did not make Goncharov." /end ID]

[image 10: A cycling choice from the game Creating Goncharov. It reads "No. You have no idea. That was fifty years ago, it's entirely possible that you made Goncharov and have no memory of it." /end ID]

#goncharov #unreality #cw unreality #martin scorsese #goncharov game jam #creating goncharov #long post

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athousandbyeol · 1 year

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discussion #2 (a boss and a babe): guncher + their making love scene

yesterday, before ep 10 aired, forcebook had a short interview with p'leo. they talked about lots of things, one being the fascinating intimate scene.

so, p'leo asked for some spoilers, and forcebook hilariously mentioned part 4 in ep 10. quoting directly from forcebook, they said part 4 was the longest and hardest scene to shoot. i believed it required lots of concentration, emotion and energy. //idk why i'm smiling

and i kind of understand why the scene was taxing for them? from what i see, it wasn't merely sex. sure, they were going in that direction. but there was much more complexity in that scene and i swear, i was blushing really hard last night.

more than just lust

from my perspective (and from a fair amount of intimate scenes on-screen consumption throughout the years), bed scenes are usually direct, steamy, quick and action-driven. but this doesn't apply to all media because i do notice a slower and more subtle making love scene in more recent dramas (that i don't watch ㅠㅠ).

and i get it. i get why forcebook were so shy after filming the scene. they couldn't look at each other. they just lay on the bed and didn't speak a word for five minutes (again, quoting directly from their interview last night 🤭)

the intimate scene wasn't triggered by lust. it happened after all the shit they went through. it happened after gun's sincere i love you, and it dawned on cher that, wow, i'm in this deep shit for life. it happened after both faced the consequences of losing each other to the world— and they had enough of those bullshits.

honestly, they would've been so contented just by sleeping together on the bed. they would snuggle and make up for the lost nights of not being in each other's arms. but there was this drive in cher that navigated his body— almost too naturally— to initiate the first move.

cher + his struggle to express feelings in words

one of the reasons why cher started it was because he didn't trust his words. cher would always keep everything to himself. taking the blame on behalf of p'ink is a prime example that this man would never speak (unless someone puts a knife on that person's neck, and not his).

of course, cher finds it difficult to put his feelings into words when gun makes it look so easy. it's just his personality. this is when we realise that gun's most prominent love language is words of affirmation (as he constantly asks cher about his feelings).

how about cher? well, i personally think his love language is acts of service. and initiating this move is one of them.

as words deceived him, cher resorted to touching gun, feeling all of him, letting him in, and it resolved in that one moment when cher finally said, "cher rak p'gun na krub," (i love you, p'gun).

we know it gets serious when cher drops the boss and calls gun phi instead. this kind of deletes the power imbalance and discards the different status they have (in which they never give a fuck, personally). and everyone cheered!

it must have taken so much courage in cher to say those words aloud. but after everything they went through— after realising gun would do anything, literally anything for cher— answering gun's constant cries of confirmation was the least cher could do.

and gun was the happiest man on earth that night. as he deserved.

guncher + intimacy

i wonder why their making love scene gives me the most tingle. it really feels like i'm intruding on them. it's not a usual thing to experience. i'm shy.

i wonder if it's the gazes they give each other.

the quiet, heartfelt whispers and the tenderest forehead kisses.

the fidgety fingers around gun's waist.

the blinding sparkle in cher's eyes as he tugs gun's shirt and touches his waist.

or the subtle excitement and nervousness radiating from the way they hold each other.

probably, it's because this is the general idea of making love.

it's not just sex. it's not just lust. it's not just heavy breathing and moans and skin-on-skin sounds. it's the journey of reaching euphoria, but make it vanilla with a tinge of spice.

they talked. they teased. they confessed. and it was so on-brand of their characters. gun being so gentle and respectful. cher being shy yet forward. it was all depicted beautifully in this scene. it really showed them as two different people blending into one.

and i can't express how proud i am of forcebook. the story is messy. i completely agree. so many things can be improved. but forcebook's acting got me hooked. like really hooked.

it's so hard to nail intimate scenes, especially if it aims to be gentle, romantic and heartfelt like this. i don't know how they did it. probably it's the trust they have in knowing each other for more than 15 years. but they did it, and they did it well.

they're so good. forcebook did an amazing job. this making love scene is one of the best on-screen intimate moments i've seen in a while. i'm proud of them. <3

i'm inserting my most favourite part of the euphoric bliss with everyone (for scientific purposes, solely).

the other half of my brain while watching part 4:

god... this is the glimpse of topmew in only friends... this is how they'll be in only friends... they might be like this with more than one character... oh, god... fcuk—

and i died a little (a lot) inside.

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walrus150915 · 7 months

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Since you liked my rambling abt my random Nimona headcanons, here's part 2

- Starting off with the queen (rip), I think her white hair is actually a wig and she has some gorgeous greying tight curls under it

- There was a thingy "the Boldheart project" which was created when Bal got accepted into the Institute's knight program. "The project" followed his progress in training to figure out if commoners were able to train as good as nobles. If he completed the course successfully, the reform would be set (sry I like talking abt fantasy politics- yea, putting responsibility on a literal child to become a figure of "equality" is... Sure a strategy)

Let's stop with the politics amirite

- Ambrosius sings in the shower. First it was like quiet humming n stuff but when him and Bal start living together this guy's shower was akin to opera (hah- soap opera- get it-)

- Ambrosius would be a type of a rich dude who fantasizes about living on his own and providing for himself and having this sweet humble suburban way of life with his husband until he actually starts living this way (he's a literal nepo baby- cmon the habits will be there even if he tries being independent)

Ambrosius: Bal, I don't get why I keep burning my bread! It's the second time I fail!

Ballister: Practice makes perfect, darling

Ambrosius: But these KitKoters make it look so easy😭😭

- He catches up gradually tho. Bal is very understanding, Nimona is having a lot of fun with this

- Does fun include bullying Ambrosius for not knowing how to remove plants to the bigger pots?. Yea kinda

- Nimona's hanging out with the kingdom's kids from time to time. She goes out of her way to make them laugh or make them feel happy in general. It heals her inner child, in a way

- Even though she hangs out with them from a perspective of a cool older shapeshifting punk sibling, she still feels like their peer and can't help but transform into her child form sometimes

- idk I think Nimona shapeshifts into a child pretty often if she feels overwhelmed or emotionally devastated or just wants to be taken care of

- Ballister does take care of her

Wow this got sad fast. Anyway

- Ambrosius is left-handed but was forced to relearn because the perfect descendant of Gloreth cannot be left-handed, it's abnormal🤓

- Ballister can't help but go 😬 when either Ambrosius or Nimona take food with their left hand while eating. Yeah technically eating with his flesh hand would be easier for him. No he won't do that for the life of him (saying hi to all Muslims out there)

- Ballister decides to grow out a real beard and Nimona thinks it's the coolest thing ever to play with during their family quality time. Ambrosius also likes this change in his looks but for rather uh... gay different reasons😁

If we're talking about gay stuff I might just as well talk abt some Goldenheart hcs

- When they've only started dating Ballister had a really difficult time with the eye contact bc Ambrosius's loving gaze was too much to handle for him. He'd see how gentle and soft his eyes are and how they're filled with complete adoration to the top and just look away all blushy and smitten

- I think we as a fandom agree that Ambrosius's love language is arm chopping physical touch. Have you considered how important kisses can be to him in expressing his love tho

- Ambrosius LOVES kissing Ballister. He's probably kissed him everywhere if you think about it-

- But yea. He steals kisses from Bal as often as he can. Boo goes to work? Kiss him goodbye. Boo gets back? Kiss him goodhi - doesn't matter where😉

- His favorite place to kiss is probably Bal's neck bc he just likes nuzzling into it and making him all flustered

- Ballister loves kissing Ambrosius as well. His favorite thing ever is press kisses into Ambrosius's hair while they're lying down on the couch, Ambrosius's head on Ballister's chest n his arms around Ballister's torso. It makes them both feel very soft and warm and safe❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

- (teenage years) You know this type thing when kittens playfully fight each other and jump onto each other and bite and stuff? Yea that's teenage Goldenheart

- (a little older than teenage years) current sparring trend in the writer part of the fandom. That's it. You know damn well what I'm talking about

- At some point their private training sessions became the reason they succeeded in combat and got the highest of marks

Okay gay stuff is over

- Nimona has some pretty dark humor but draws the line at the things that could really trigger her or other people. Joking about burning everything down? Of course. Joking about... Well... The act 3 of the movie? Nope, never

- Nate Knight (do ya remember him?) does drag in his off-duty time haha RuPaul hi

- Ballister snores in his sleep bc he's a dad like that

- Ballister also is a type of dad to sleep on the couch while watching TV, and when you turn it off he wakes up and tells you he's been watching it this whole time

- Both Nimona and Ambrosius encourage Ballister to speak his mother tongue more often bc he used to hide it at the Institute

- Nimona scrunches her nose when she tries to remember things

- Ballister snaps his fingers while remembering stuff, especially in "Huh... What's the word for..." situations (he just like me fr)

- Nimona loves biting pencils and pens but sometimes she bites too hard and they break in half or something

- I feel like her stomach is iron. This punk can eat an eraser or swallow a knife or drink lava-hot water and all she'll do is burp maybe

- After leaving the Institute Ambrosius would have one hell of existential crisis. All he's dedicated his life to for all these years were lies and propaganda, what's the purpose of his life now? He tries out as many new things as he can - baking, painting, singing, playing musical instruments, photography, even science (with Bal's help ofc) my dude has tried it all. He sometimes felt worthless bc his life had no greater purpose but Bal and Nimona would reassure him that living happily with people who love him is more than enough and that you don't have to be the greatest person ever to live the best life. Find joy in the smallest of things n stuff😌

- Ballister has found ways to renovate his arm and made a bunch of new prosthetics for different purposes. I feel like he'd use a hook as well sometimes (as I've heard from the disabled community, hook is a very comfortable aid). No I'm not talking about that one post about his prosthetic's... renovations (😳) from the fan acc I follow

On this quite interesting note I'll end the post😁

Gn!!

#nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #nimona headcanons #help #this movie is what keeps me sane

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charlidos · 1 month

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I'm having a serious bout of nostalgia these past weeks. I started reading from my pile of fanfiction which I've printed over the years. And ended up reading the only Lord of the Rings story I have saved for posterity, namely Calico's brilliant (but sadly unfinished) Viggo/Orlando fic Blood Oranges. And wow, it's really quite an intoxicating read.

It was never a big fandom for me back then, but I remember reading a little, and I remember finding that whole cast quite wonderful.

All of a sudden, I felt a strong need to look back at the Viggorli pairing of yore. Turned out to be a bit of a rabbit hole for me.

I realised I find it very fascinating to have this soon 25 years perspecitve on them, since fandom is usually quite topical. Particularly RPF, since it's quite dependent on that darn thing we call reality.

Looking back at a pairing like Viggo and Orlando is wrought with wistfulness, with all the could-have-beens and never-happeneds. In the now of a pairing, you can fantasise of a future, but with the reality of a past, it's quite different.

I've always been intrigued by the relationship that Viggo and Orlando had during those 18 months of filming LotR. Sharing a make up trailer, getting lost in the woods together, and just generally spending a lot of time together. And waxing lyrically about each other. More than ten years later, O said in an interview that V is his biggest influence, that the way V took care of him on the LotR is something that mattered a lot to him. And that V in general is a legend, a beautiful soul etc. It's quite touching.

But it's also a quite melancholic and wistful statement since O also implies it's not that easy to keep in touch with V because "he's an artist, an ACTUAL artist".

youtube

A few years later, O very randomly appeared on a rather odd Italian show where people are reconciled with each other, live on tv. O was there when two estranged sisters were reconciled. O says he has a similiar situation with a "good friend", someone with a similiar age difference as the sisters, someone who used to take care of him. It's not at all clear, but it seems this "brother" gave him a ring with the inscription "To Wherever it May Lead". A line from Legolas to Aragorn which was cut.

(It's a little difficult to hear, but O says that the line from LotR was engraved in the ring when it was given to him, and that he always has it, as an encouragment. I've only found this clip on a Chinese site, hence the subtitles.)

So, it seems to be implied that V gave this ring to O. That O maybe also lost touch with V. And that maybe they've reconciled? It's unclear, but I find it terribly intriguing.

Of course, I know nothing about what's actually going, and it's all fantasy, but it's nonetheless quite a fascinating perspective to look back like this over the years. In my brain - warped by years in fandom - it turns into this EPIC. Either an epic romance, with its ups and downs, loss and great love. Or an epic tragedy, full of unfulfilled desires, bad choices and opportunities lost. There's still some fanfiction written these days (not much, but I'm in awe that there's any at all!). The lovely recent work of chaosmanor really sold me on very wistful, but also quite hopeful, reconcilation fic.

O and V are getting old, but they are still two quite handsome fellows. And I hope there will be a proper, public LotR-cast reunion in time for the 25 yrs mark. They had a few covid-oriented reunions on zoom for the 20 yr celebration, but I hope it'll be live one day.

I would like to see the fellowship of tattoed nine together again, as long as they're all still alive.

#orlando bloom #viggo mortensen #lord of the rings #viggorli #nostalgia #fanfiction #lotrips #fandom warps your brain #it's chronic

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obsessedwithlute · 22 days

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Hazbin Incorrect Quotes Pt. 1

Angel Dust: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Alastor: Apparently, we're not.

Charlie: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? Alastor: crouches down Adam: kneels down Husk: sits on the floor Charlie: Charlie: I hate all of you.

Charlie: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons. Alastor, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Adam: What language do they speak at the center of the earth? Adam: Core-ean Husk: The center of the earth is arond 5430 degrees Celsius! Nobody is going to live there so they don’t need a language! Angel Dust: Core-ean.

Adam: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult. Lucifer, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

#hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel adam #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin husk #charlie morningstar #hazbin charlie

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nogacheloveka-blog · 1 month

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The Bad Sanses somehow ended up in the Backrooms. №11

next 12

prev 10

This is the translation of the another post from Russian to English. I understand English, but it is very difficult for me to write in English, so I asked chat GPT to help me. I have corrected some parts, but there still may be mistakes.

Okay, I realize I get a strange pleasure from drawing sleeping Sanses. Not the worst fetish ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯.

I like to think of Nightmer and Dream as the "Deity of Negative Emotions" and the "Deity of Positive Emotions." Why not?

For this part, I decided to create a MindMap and input all the information I hold in my head for each of the characters. Wow, turns out I've been forgetting so much about my boys all this time. For example, I constantly confused the sleeve where Killer's thread from Error is attached (it should be on the right sleeve, not the left). In addition, I've started to better understand the characters' personalities and my canon in which I make them live.

In this part, I decided to experiment with describing events from different perspectives (I left notes in the form of emojis). =)

Caution: there is a description of injuries involving Nightmer (🌙).

I often listen to playlists while working on parts, hope you enjoy this one :)

youtube

Having avoided a fight with people, the group continued on until they found a place where Error could safely exit his reboot. It turned out to be a break room for employees, complete with a water cooler. Someone had taken and carried away the water container, likely individuals from the nearby settlement. This was a good sign as it meant that people wouldn't be exploring this area anytime soon.

The office plants had stretched towards the lamps and withered. Otherwise, this room resembled a small, ransacked cafeteria: all the kitchen cabinets were open, appliances either broken or stolen, spices scattered on the floor (Horror shook his head disapprovingly). However, there were still tables, chairs, and a comfortable couch.

🌙 As the Destroyer's loading bar slowly crawled from 50% to 58%, Nightmare decided to try drinking Almond Water. There was a chance it could help with the issues he had discovered in his mind before. He took the closed tin can in his hands and opened it. A quiet splash was heard. The subtle almond scent, which now constantly surrounded his subordinates, hit his receptors. The thin metal felt cool in his hands. He didn't feel anything strange, and even the Check didn't report anything alarming.

But as the liquid poured into his mouth, he screamed from the unexpected pain. It was awful. As if boiling acid had been poured into an open wound. Like the pain from Dream's arrows. His mind clouded so much that he couldn't even spit out the liquid - it sizzled down his chin onto his chest. The shroud of negativity on him boiled in response to the damage and anger (despair), causing the outlines of his body to blur, as if wax on a candle. The shroud around his jaws dissolved and flowed to his feet in a black, smoking puddle. The bones of the former (deceased) Nightmare's skull were briefly exposed but quickly concealed by a new layer of darkness.

In a desperate attempt to prevent the liquid from burning him further, the Guardian transformed into a pool of negativity and recoiled to the side. The Almond Water can spilled onto the floor.

-15 HP

It didn't feel like "-15 HP". It felt like the damn breath of agonizing death. It was a good thing he hadn't swallowed it. He didn't want to imagine something with a sweet nutty scent searing his insides. "-15 HP" seemed like a joke to his huge health pool, but he didn't want to experience something like that again. The phantom flashes of pain in his mouth faded as the lost HP slowly regenerated. His subordinates looked at him in shock, and their horror aided in the regeneration.

It seemed like something in this place could easily kill him. He felt as if the dimension-killer hungrily licked its lips.

The most essential thing in this place could maim him. Perhaps the most common. The one that needed to be consumed to keep the mind clear. The item that was simply indispensable for the group. That which...

Nightmare pulled himself together.

He was the spirit (almost a god) of negative emotions. He would handle this annoying inconvenience.

⛔By the time Error woke up with the sound of Windows XP, Nightmare was sitting nearby as if nothing had happened. The others glanced cautiously in their direction, but for some reason, remained silent. (Are they hiding something?) The Destroyer looked slightly confused, as if he had fallen asleep at the beginning of the movie and woken up closer to the end. His last memory was parting ways with the Temmie shop. Nightmare, sitting next to him, calmly mentioned that they had encountered people. (Error didn't inquire about injuries, seeing a black puddle on the floor. Nightmare looked fine, as did the others, so nothing serious seemed to have happened).

Error hated his reboots. But sometimes they saved him from truly horrible (thoughts) things. For example, from injuries and wounds. But it was infuriating that a bunch of people had brought him to this point. As if Error couldn't kick meat sacks' asses anymore.

Usually after such emotional shocks, he would visit the "Disgusting #13" fridge and settle in to watch Undernovelle. But opening portals in this place was impossible. So...

Wait. The Destroyer turned his gaze to Horror. He unexpectedly remembered something. Something about what this guy carried in his inventory. Greasy Marshmallow. He recalled that the recommendations mentioned something about a chocolate flavor. If that was the case, it was worth trying his luck and preparing this thing. Especially since he saw blurry (no, he won't get his glasses) outlines of pepper shakers nearby. The Destroyer wasn't skilled in cooking food, so he menacingly moved towards Horror.

🦴 Dust was concerned about what had happened. At first, Nightmare drove people away, although he ordered them not to engage in combat and to survey the area. Then, for some reason, Error took a long time to come out of reboot. It was crystal clear that something serious had occurred, prompting Nightmare to change his plans so drastically. And Nightmare doesn't do that without a significant reason. But what happened to Error? Did they quarrel? Will Error leave now? Dust pulled up his hood, and anxiety crawled down his neck like a swarm of insects.

Then it turns out that water, which they all carry with them, can harm their boss. The water they MUST carry with them to stay sane. This could be a problem. Damn, it already is.

He clenched his hands in the pockets of his hoodie so tightly that he felt one of the ballpoint pens he had there snap. Dust took a deep breath and tried to calm down as Nightmare had taught him. The boss had taught him many techniques to reduce anxiety.

A white butterfly fluttered past his face. He constantly felt the tickle of moths following behind him. They were various butterflies and moths that flocked to him as they roamed Level 4. For some reason, he didn't feel the usual irritation from this. Dust assumed it was because of the Strange Amulet Horror had given him. This phenomenon began precisely when Dust equipped it. Just in case, he made a note in the margins of his notebook:

"I feel like because of the Strange Amulet, I've started to love insects. Almond Water is dangerous for Nightmare."

Dust began to understand why the notes in the notebook were disjointed. Recording troubling thoughts somehow freed him from them.

⚔️ Cross volunteered to scout the area so they could proceed safely. Horror wanted to go with him as usual, but Error pulled Horror aside to cook something. Before arriving in this place, they often did reconnaissance together with the big skeleton. They got along well, so the familiar sense of the imposing figure's presence behind Cross would reassure him. Especially after the recent events.

Yes, the "injury from water" and "Nightmare" seemed like a strange combination, but Nightmare controlled his emotions and, in Cross's view, might not be at risk of losing his mind. At least, that seemed logical. After all, fish don't drown in water, right?

"That's true, Crossy. But what about Almond Water?" joked Killer, who went with him instead of Horror. He twirled a knife in his hands, and his frozen smirk made one feel uneasy.

Cross didn't reply. He didn't particularly enjoy being around Killer. He always felt like the skeleton with a knife might attack out of boredom and made sure not to lose sight of him.

After a few rooms, they found a stairwell with torn wallpaper and a creaky staircase. It resembled the description of the passage to Level 5. They needed to return and inform the others of their discovery.

🔪 Killer was pleased. The boss's food poisoning was certainly dreadful, as was Error's figure hidden in mistakes, as was the agitated Dust, as... Well, much in this place was dreadful. Probably. Killer wasn't sure exactly. He struggled with identifying emotions. But he definitely enjoyed the whirlwind of events. He knew he felt a chill at the sight of pain on Nightmares face. He knew he felt inspired when Horror and Error started making marshmallows using the heating element that was still in the office cooler (The prepared Greasy Marshmallow resembled sweet thick cocoa with vanilla and cinnamon). He also knew for sure that he WOULDN'T use the Temmie Flake popper near Nightmare. (Perhaps he could use the Flowey Seed popper instead? It was worth exploring this question.) And he was definitely very curious to see what awaited them next.

The new level that he and Cross led the group to also pleased him in many ways: there were more items, more different textures and materials. It seemed he even saw a cat, but couldn't catch up with it. Much of Level 5 reminded him of the castle where they had all lived before. Soft chairs and sofas, subdued lighting, and eerie portraits.

Ah, almost like home.

🪓 The district was clean. Horror sensed faint human smells on the furniture, in the rooms, noticed inappropriate litter for the setting. Thanks to their stop at Temmie's, he knew that people visited this hotel quite often, even rented rooms. And this kept him on edge.

The people they encountered on Level 4 puzzled him. He managed to Check one discreetly as he pushed forward in the hustle. Their stat block had no parameters, including the HOPE indicator. It wasn't hidden or inaccessible. It simply wasn't there. The description was unusually brief "...".

Earlier, while they were still in the rest area on Level 4, Error asked (ordered) Horror to retrieve the Greasy Marshmallow from the inventory. Considering he could have just hacked the code and stolen the item, it was quite polite. Horror even dared to set a condition: if they cook, they cook for everyone. Error agreed. While they were cooking with the Destroyer, Horror shared his observations about people with him. Error shrugged irritably.

"What doesn't have a health bar is hard to kill. If what you're saying is true, it will be like fighting a ghost," he replied briefly.

It was good they didn't engage in battle. Horror hated fighting ghosts. They were exhausting. During it, one felt like giving up.

In the end, the group had to stop for the night. Nightmare stayed on guard. He had to forcibly restrain Killer from attempting something foolish, and Killer quickly fell asleep.

It had been a very long day.

Nightmare belongs to Jokublog Killer belongs to RahafWabas Dust belongs to Ask-DustTale Horror belongs to Sour-Apple-Studios Error belongs to CrayonQueen Cross belongs to JakeiArtwork

#bad sanses #cross sans #dust sans #error sans #horror sans #killer sans #nightmare sans #the backrooms #au #undertale au #bad guys in backrooms #bad sans gang #art #underverse #undertale #level 5 #utmv #Youtube

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