#wow this has gone a place and thus honestly prob tbd but

[xoxoemynn]

So I wrapped up PT about a month ago, and toward the end of it I was definitely feeling some kind of imposter syndrome? Because my back felt fine, my range of motion in my neck had improved, so what was I doing still going to PT, injuries couldn’t have been that bad, I’ve even started going back to kickboxing and I can totally handle at least a modified workout, everything is fiiiiiiiiiine and wow what a needy brat to be playing it safe and easy for so long when there’s nothing really wrong with you. And maybe your friends who’ve had long-lasting issues after being in a car accident just had it worse than you, and you were just lying to feel included and so you could commiserate, how fucked up is that? You had it so much easier than everyone else and you can’t even appreciate it. 

So because of that I haven’t really been keeping up with my exercises because why should I have to??? I feel fiiiiine and I’m starting to work out again and it’s been four months everything is fiiiiiiiiiine. 

And then tonight my back has been in spasm for hours and I broke out my TENS unit for some hurt-so-good time and that helped but now I still have this ugly knot that will not go away and it’s just like....

Oh okay maybe I wasn’t faking it maybe there is actually long-term significant damage to my muscles maybe the reason I wasn’t in pain is because I was spending 90 minutes two times a week with trained professionals who were making sure I was doing all the exercises and gahhhhh this is all so frustrating I just want my old body back. :( 

#personal #rant brought to you by nothing in particular other than the fact I'm really tired of my back hurting #and I'm generally tired of how much of my life has been taken up by post-accident shit #idk in the immediate aftermath I kind of just thought #ok gotta get to the hospital and get cleared. gotta get a new car. then it'll all be fine #and that.........has not been the case at all and I am just TIRED #of still getting bills of still being in pain of still not feeling comfortable driving #of still not being able to stand the sight of broken glass #wow this has gone a place and thus honestly prob tbd but #oooof #2020 help a girl out please I need it