#wow this was long i guess i had a lot of opinions lol

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part six | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1k ??

NOT PROOFREAD

-

i drove to the date with carson after getting ready on facetime with chris. the whole drive my hands were sweaty and my head was just racing with what could go wrong. he thinks im ugly, he hates my clothes, doesnt like my personality, he ends up being mean, makes fun of me, doesnt even like me. i was completely going insane on the drive to the dinner date.

we settled on eating at our local dinner grill that serves really casual food but has a great romantic atmosphere. at least those were chris’ words.

i arrived safely by the grace of god, sat in my car to collect myself and finally got out. i walked into the grill and saw carson sitting down at a table and he smiled and waved at me. i made my way over and he got up, “hey y/n!” he said pulling out my chair for me. “oh thank you, and hello to you too.” i replied with a warm smile as i sat down.

“so, chris set us up.” he chuckles, “yeah, lets not talk about chris tonight.” i state. “i agree tonight is about us, just two kids that have gone to the same school for their entire lives and never spoke a word to each other.” he breathes.

“what?” i question

“you seriously dont know? y/n we went to elementary school together.” he chuckles.

“i know, i just thought you never recognized or noticed me.” i smile. “i always noticed you but you have always hungout with that friend of yours, anna. she is scary to me, very opinionated that girl is.” he explains. “anna can definitely be intimidating but she has been my friend for as long as i can remember.” i huff.

“well yeah she scares away a lot of boys from you. no guys at our school really like her.” i say. “what ar-“ im cut off by our waiter.

“hello im savy i will be your server for tonight what can i get started for you?” she says.

carson and i order our food and i continue.

“what do you mean no boys like anna, i mean she’s constantly talking to guys.”

“ever notice she only talks to guys from other schools?” he says. wow he made a great point.

“i never thought you were like her, you always seemed so sweet.” he says. “thank you, i try.” i mumble. “i know our date isnt over or i guess it hasnt even started, but would you consider going on another one?” he asks.

“honestly, yes.”

-

the rest of the date actually went amazing, carson was sweet, respectful, funny and actually wanted me. after we got our food he payed for everything and we spent the rest of the night walking around town and talking about random stuff. he made me laugh all night and walked me back to my car which was at the restaurant. talking to him didnt feel difficult. everything went smoothly and i felt really comfortable with him which was especially surprising as it was our first time speaking.

i left the date with hope and a smile on my face, and i couldnt wait to tell chris.

-

the following day i immediately face timed chris to tell him everything.

ring. ring. ri-

he finally answered, “kid its to fucking early whats wrong?” he huffs slightly squinting his eyes since he had just woken up. “chris is 12pm you should be awake anyway.” i blankly state. “anyway i wanted to tell you about last night!” i smile.

“oh yeah, how did your date go with carson.” he asks. “it actually went amazing, we had dinner, we talked, we went for a walk after dinner, he pulled out my chair for me and even opened the car door for me.” i explain grinning ear to ear.

“did he wipe your face while he fed you as well.” he mocks. i just do a blank expression as he chuckles proudly to himself, “im joking y/n, im glad everything went well. i told you everything would work out, you were stressed out over nothing the whole time.” he says. “i know, i have you to thank for everything you really gave me confidence to do this.” i say as i get out of my bed to go brush my teeth. “thats the magic of chris sturniolo.” he breathes rolling over on his bed.

“yes nick im talking to y/n give me a minute here.”

“hi y/n!!!” nick screams from the other end of the phone. “hey nick, good morning.” i say. “how did your date with carson go?” nick asks, “really good and chris im going to kill you.” i say as i told chris not to tell anyone that i was going on a date. “sorry kid cant keep a secret from my brother.” he says.

i grab my toothbrush and run it under water before grabbing toothpaste rinsing the brush once more and start scrubbing my teeth. i hear chris breathing on the other end of the phone as he taps on it while i finish brushing my teeth. “hey what progress have you made with anna, neither of you have talked to me about it.” i question walking towards my bedroom.

“oh not much really we have just been texting and kissed a few times.” he says and i pause.

“what the fuck? you guys kissed and didnt even tell me.” i exclaim.

hearing that your best friend and your crush have kissed more than once is absolutely crushing to hear.

“yeah its nothing he just went out for a drive a few times and have just kissed and talked, nothing crazy yet.” he says with almost no expression. “you dont sound that happy for someone who was begging me to set you two up.” i reply. “i didnt beg you and i am happy about it but we are getting along and work well together.” he says yawning after.

listening to him explain that he likes her and that they get along really well should make me happy for my best friends but i cant help the bitter taste in my mouth. i dont know if that makes me selfish but it just makes my stomach turn.

“well thats good and everything but i have to go chris.” i say. “ok kid ill give ya more updates later.” he breathes. “later?” i ask. “yeah matt, nick and i are doing a movie night and they both asked for you so if you have plans cancel them cause i already told them your invited.” he says.

“what the fuck, ok fine.” i reply. “k see ya.” he says before hanging up.

-

i drove over to chris’ house in a way better mood than i was when i hung up the phone. i enjoy his brothers company and it actually made me happy to hear they wanted me around more. i walk up to the front door which i havent seen since i was drunk and couldnt walk and knock on the door.

i hear foot steps coming up to the door and am greeted with matt when it opens. “glad to see you could walk up the stairs this time.” he chuckles, i roll my eyes and brush past him. “wheres chris?” i ask, “he just got out of the shower he should be down in a-“ matt is interrupted “im here im here.” chris says running down the stairs. i admire him in his wet hair look and his comfy outfit. i love his hair wet.

“what does everyone wanna watch?” chris asks and he plops down on the couch. “why dont we watch a scary movie or something” chris suggests. “chris you know that were all pussies that cant watch scary movies right?” matt says “lets just watch batman or something.” both chris and matt look at nick to plead with their suggestions “dont look at me ask y/n!” nick exclaims putting his hands up. all of them turn to me “i already watched the batman movies with anna so-” i mumble. “HAH” chris yells getting up and walking over to me. “this is why your my favourite” he says grabbing my face leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek and then sitting back down.

i freeze as i was caught off guard by him kissing me and stare at chris who is patting the seat next to him. i slowly walk over and sit next to him on the couch.

after shuffling through netflix we decided on the conjuring since none of us had seen it and we all got comfortable and started watching the movie.

normally i would be dying inside to watch a scary movie sitting next to chris but right now it was possibly the last thing i wanted to do considering the circumstances. i literally have to watch a scary movie sitting next to my friend who happens to be the guy i am practically in love with who also happens to be my best friends next possible boyfriend. this is going to be a long night.

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

[misc-obeyme]

So uh... Lesson 18 huh??

I'd just like to say that the juxtaposition of Lesson 18 being all sad and serious with the new event being all ridiculous was both weird and kinda nice? Like I needed that event to cheer me up after Lesson 18 almost made me cry.

Anyway, let's talk about it! Lesson 18 spoilers below!

Okay. I've seen some speculation that perhaps Lesson 20 won't be the end of season one. However, I don't think that's going to happen.

I think they're gonna pull some time travel shenanigans on us again. Or Nightbringer is gonna show up and deus ex machina this mess. Or the solution to everything is for MC to just make a pact with all seven brothers at the same time. Solomon did say that he thought they could do that in a past lesson. And if they do it all at once, it wouldn't take that long? Hmmm.

Anyway, I could speculate all day, but there were some really interesting things that happened in this lesson that I'd rather talk about.

First of all, Diavolo pulling out the Prince Voice on Raphael had me going OHHHHH lol.

I honestly love Diavolo's different sides. It makes him feel so real, you know?

SPOILERS FOR HARD LESSON 18 (just skip this paragraph in case you haven't gotten to it yet!)

And I feel like that really is even more evident in the hard lesson where he talks to Barbatos about the difference between his head and his heart. And how all he really wants is for the brothers to be happy. Which was so dang sweet. And Barbatos just gives him that whole speech about what a great king he's gonna be. I was like I can't with these two.

HARD LESSON SPOILERS OVER

Anyway, the fact that Diavolo can just step into this Prince persona and be a leader when he needs to, but then he's just a silly guy when he's not needing to do that is very realistic to me. A lot of people have different versions of themselves that they only show at certain times or to certain people. Gives his character a lot of dimension, in my opinion!

And oh... can we talk about Mammon?

My precious baby. I wanted to hug him so bad. I wanted him to continue to chew out Raphael. I mean, I know Raph is kinda just the messenger here, but I felt like Mammon was actually saying what everyone was feeling, but was too restrained to say. For some reason, everyone was just kind of letting Diavolo take the lead (and I guess that makes sense, he is the Prince after all and Raphael is basically saying they'll go to war over this). But Mammon was like oh hell no.

I agreed with him entirely. The Celestial Realm can go fuck off. I was NOT expecting this to be about the fact that the brothers have power in the Devildom now. Like are you kidding me? THAT is your big concern? Should've thought about that before you threw them out, GOD.

And when Raphael was like are you questioning Father's word to Lucifer and Luci just kinda got sad looking, I was like YES QUESTION HIM because Lucifer and his brothers deserve better than this bullshit.

It really feels like the Celestial Realm booted them out because the bros did something they didn't like, but now they've realized they made a mistake. So to get them back, they're gonna go down to the Devildom and threaten them.

Are they trying to get us to hate the Celestial Realm? Is that the goal here? I don't, obviously, but I think this was a pretty shitty move considering all that these guys have been through.

BUT THEN THE BROTHERS COMIN THROUGH WITH THE WE WON'T LEAVE SATAN

when I tell you I was crying... it was Belphie's fault.

Pretty sure this was the line that made me tear up, but then we get the same sentiment from Beel and Asmo about not leaving Satan behind and I was just like that was MY HEART you guys just shattered.

Now let's talk about Solomon and Barbatos in 18-A, shall we?

Please refer to this collection of screenshots featuring my true love dishing out some real insults.

WOW. Let him have it, Barb.

I don't know what Solomon did, but I do find this exchange incredibly interesting. Note that Solomon is wearing his human world outfit here. I kind of think human-world-outfit-wearing-Solomon is the imposter. He's the one who talked about the pact with Asmo first, where it didn't fit with his later version of the story. He was also the one who pushed all the brothers into Asmo's tub and therefore also the one who then made a pact with Asmo. He was also the one who commanded Barb to make a portal when he didn't want to and who had the discussion with Nightbringer.

I'm just sayin... maybe he doesn't know why Barb is mad at him 'cause we got more than one Solomon running around...

Buuut I could be completely off base here. We'll see, I guess!

This could all be resolved by the end of Lesson 20, you never know with this game lol.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer lesson 18 #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me nightbringer lesson 18 spoilers #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me belphegor #obey me barbatos #obey me mammon #obey me raphael #misc talks about characters #misc rambles

[blue-thief]

respectfully asking you to drop those trans hcs for the bllk boys!!!

yeah sure ofc i'm so glad you asked!

i'll split them up based on which NEL team they're on for the sake of my own sanity

(i don't actually hc ALL of them to be trans so i'll just mention the ones i actually have a hc for lol)

bastard munchen

kaiser - THE most trans-coded of the bunch imo. like the whole thing with the blue rose tattoo to represent "turning the impossible into reality" and "defying the natural order of things". and his full name is "michael kaiser" which can be interpreted as "god's chosen emperor". there's no way bro was given that name at birth. he's also coded to have religious trauma which would become much more layered if you interpret him as trans. he's also, interestingly enough, the only one to NOT have a metal chain around his neck on his cover. he's the only one with glass. a lot of ppl have interpreted this as him having a fragile ego, but glass can also be taken to symbolize transformation (i just pulled this from a random website talking about the spiritual meaning of glass lmao). ALSO also him being annoyed by his long hair in ness's flashback. trans. plus his insecurity concerning how good he is in comparison to (who he perceives as) cis players just screams insecure trans masc who's relying too much on toxic masculinity to affirm his gender to his peers lmao.

ness - he totally thought he would have to fight his parents on this but they were surprisingly cool with it + even helped him w puberty blockers and stuff. he still hates them for the anti-magic stuff but at least they're not transphobic?

isagi - don't ask me to explain this i just get those vibes

noa - (reporter) "what is your opinion on trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports?" (noa, a trans man who transitioned wayy before he got famous) "i AM trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports"

pxg

shidou - he just has bigender vibes man. japanese isn't big on third-person pronouns, but once he starts getting better at english, he'd def start collecting pronouns like pokemon cards. he figured out his identity through chainsaw man ("wow denji's just like me fr but so is angel devil but so is asa but so is-")

ubers

(i have nothing for any of the ubers. feel free to prove me wrong)

fc barcha

bachira - non-binary but he doesn't know it yet (any and all pronouns once he does figure it out)

manshine city

chigiri - peak gender, everyone confuses him for a girl. he uses masculine language, and while he sometimes acts annoyed when ppl call him princess, he doesn't bother correcting them. does anyone actually know chigiri's gender? no. does he know what it is? yes. will he tell anyone? no. he thinks it's funny to keep ppl guessing with the constant contradictions

reo - i didn't actually hc him as trans at first but the post i was complaining about earlier was dunking on this hc specifically so uhhh yeah he's trans now sorry i don't make the rules <3. his dad's company also pioneered top surgery that doesn't leave any scars which is why no one in bllk has any. like with ness, his dad is surprisingly not transphobic but he sucks in other ways lmao (but now that you think of it, his whole struggle with wanting to live a life completely different from what his parents had in mind for him IS a very trans-coded backstory)

#LMAO can you guess who i project myself onto the most #blue lock #bllk #isagi yoichi #michael kaiser #noel noa #shidou ryusei #bachira meguru #chigiri hyoma #mikage reo #alexis ness #trans #transgender

[9w1ft]

wow your gaylor anon does sound well-meaning, but very lost on this blog from their usual side of the internet I’d guess!

I’m particularly bamboozled by those three songs being used as kaylor breakup evidence. well, less so exile, I can see how they got there even if I have a different interpretation of it (mourning the called-off coming out, and having to go deeper into the love blackout, ruminating on the fans view of her closet). but mtr!? clearly about scott b! the stolen lullabies, the jewels she gave him as his main cash cow? the pain of that betrayal by a father figure!! also the funeral procession choreo - ties nicely into your point about taylor wearing black for the stolen masters. there’s also a long history of writing romantic-coded ‘break up songs’ for your label, think dolly parton etc. and mad woman?! the obvious scooter and yael diss track where taylor outs his cheating (which potentially contributed to their divorce not long after). does anon completely miss the feminist angle of ‘this man gaslights me by calling me mad and overreactive, so I’ll show him a real mad woman’ ???? (+ karlie as the taylor-faced neighbour who secretly mouths ‘fuck you’ at him)

I know we’re all known for reaching in the gaylor-sphere, but by occam’s razor, I feel like you have to do some real twisting to believe those ones aren’t about those men.

(I actually wrote out my personal interpretation of each song in more depth but it’s wayy too long, and probably just a repeat of opinions anon could find on this blog and others in this ecosystem. anon has given me far too many thoughts to write on my lunch break rn lol)

yeah i didn’t address the song choices but mtr is a wild one for sure. and mad woman i’ve talked about a lot but really i think that song is actually proof in favor of the idea that they didn’t break up in 2019. plus the thing about the i can and i will necklace.

exile too, especially when you couple it with the other bon iver duet (evermore) and think about the context of the election in 2016 (upon which karlie got exiled in a way) and again in 2020 (taylor connected evermore to the feeling of knowing biden would win over trump, and knowing the pain wouldn’t be for evermore), and idk it just makes so much sense in the context of how their relationship would have had to adapt and change over the years, without having to be about breaking up.

i’m not saying anon thinks any one certain way but i do think that gaylors in general have, of their own volition and they’re happy to tell you, positioned gaylorism as something focused on the exploration of the gayness of taylor’s lyrics and of it being ‘museless’ and i would suggest that while there is value to this sort of think in a vacuum, by refuting other analysis unfortunately this ‘lens’ often makes for a contextless interpretation of so many of taylor’s songs. like if you think about the political angle and the times taylor was in or karlie was in throughout this specific span of time, a lot of these sad song just make so much sense! maathp makes sense! maroon makes sense! exile makes sense, hoax makes sense, mad woman makes sense, vigilante shit makes sense, any number of songs make a whole lot of sense. i don’t think that this is something offensive to taylor like… in essence kaylor is an attempt to understand the impetus behind the artist, her motivations, and what inspired her to create so much of this art. idk, im babbling a bit again it’s just. ahh… there’s just so much meaning that gets lost in the gaylor process i feel.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for expressing my opinion?

So my friend and I both think this celebrity is super hot and really talented. He is known as both a musician and actor and typically we both really enjoy all his work. I comment on the fact we both think he’s super hot because usually that helps us give a bit of leniency when perhaps his acting/singing isn’t the absolute best because then we just enjoy giggling over his looks. I know that in itself is probably not great but hey, who hasn’t had a harmless crush on a celebrity at some point right?

Anyway. Cut to, this guy recently did a couple of concerts and we saw some online clips. I said “oh god it sounds like he is out of practice, probably from the long break because of the pandemic, makes sense. Wow I hope the people who went weren’t disappointed because wow that wasn’t very good and they paid a lot. I’m sure once he’s got his groove back before his next few tour stops this fall, he’ll be great again. I just hope this doesn’t sway people away from buying those tickets.”

My friend completely bit my head off saying I was being “too picky” and “rude” when like…I only told her so it wasn’t like he (lol not that he reads comments even if I had posted one) or any of the other fans would be affected. She said she doesn’t get why I have to be so negative and ruin her experience of the video because me pointing it out made her really see it too and I should have been more considerate when she just wanted to enjoy the clips. I told her I was confused why she was upset and she said that my negativity about his performance just shows I’m not the fan she once thought I was. I said that I can still be a fan and not enjoy everything he does, and she said she was just disappointed because now she feels self conscious expressing the things she enjoys about the performance knowing how I didn’t like it.

Mind you, we both are in our early 30’s and should be able to express opinions to each other respectfully. I admittedly did tell her this sentiment and you can guess how well that went over, but by then I was kind of shocked by her attitude. I tried to ask her what she liked to try and get things back on track but she said she didn’t want to tell me anymore.

I’m not saying I was perfect in the situation…but, AITA for “ruining her experience” then saying we should be able to express ourselves to each other?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[exocynraku]

thunder spoilers under the cut!!! read at your own risk!!! here are my opinions on the book!!! i wrote this right after reading originally on the 4th and planned 2 post it on the 7th. it's not the 7th exactly where i live but the wiki updated with spoilers since it's the 7th over there so whatever

okay, so, overall, i liked it. i didnt LOVE it, but i liked it. sunbeams chapters were all great, and with nightheart travelling with frostpaw, he finally had the chance to not be an ass, and he wasn't as bad! i actually read his chapters this time, and oh my god frostpaws chapters were INCREDIBLE!!!! i loved her interactions with whistlepaw and smoky, and wow. she did get spayed, LOL! got spoiled for that early (thanks, assholes!) i was NOT expecting to meet the new cats of the park! i totally thought we'd encounter warriorclan! i'm a little bummed about that, but the cats of the park were all super nice to read about which was super nice. especially bee! thought i'm upset she has the same name as another cat.. wails the reveal of splashtail i totally expected, but i'm a little surprised over curlfeather. i know that there's been suspect she was a villain, but damn! i wanted to hold onto hope! but hey, her being evil is super interesting. plus, wow! she's in the dark forest! i guess i shouldve expected that, but it's felt like forever since a cat got sent there. (which i dont think is rlly true? juniperclaw went i think that was tbc? whatever, still feels so long ago) also i didnt mind that it was a travelling book! i know a lot of ppl HATEEEE travelling books, but i think there was still enough substance to make it interesting! now, that ending... er, hard to explain my feelings. i like cliffhangers because they make me really excited for the next book, but man! this one hurt bad! i want frostpaw to jump out !!!! raugh!!! also, waffle and wasp are cute! i'm happy theyre coming to the clans! we NEED more genetic diversity SOBS and honestly, with frostpaws thoughts right before leaving the park, with the clans needing to become less harsh and fighty, and more open, especially to outsiders? that was incredible! genuinely, genuinely incredible! and i hope they go through with it, i really do! berryheart is also an interesting character. if i'm being honest, i hope she leaves. not becaues i dont like her (i think she's one of the most interesting characters we've had in the series for a long time, even if she sucks), but because like i said earlier we NEED more genetic diversity in the clans! more cats with long blood lines need to leave or die, and new cats w/o long blood lines, or none at all need to start existing. all of the incest is pissing me off. so i'm glad that somecat with not a particularly long bloodline, but a big one (berryheart has like 70 siblings) is leaving. plus those other cats. last misc things, finally, some tree action! it's a miracle! i also like how there were mentions of 1: thunderclan being overcrowded (please please please mass exctinction event GO) and 2: tree being mediator, but never really having the chance to shine. also, cherryfall sucks. jeez louise! i used to like her for gods sake! spotfur and her kits were adorable, i liked ivypool in this book, and oh my god, brambleclaw finally gets less of a spotlight! overall, i liked it. not the most amazing book to ever exist ever, but it definitely got my excited for the next books!!! really happy with ASC so far and i'm pumped to see what's going to happen with it in the future.

also, with the cats of the park cats being introduced, i'll have to draw them! oh boy more work for me to do

#wc #warrior cats spoilers #wc spoilers #asc spoilers #a starless clan spoilers #thunder spoilers #ray talk

[den-ai-d]

Ooof...a decade on this site eh?

Oh no, story time incoming!

10 years and yeah, so much has happened already. Originally, I made this blog back when I was in high school as a place to post my drawings; back then, it was all just pencil drawings on paper. Looking at them now...well it was obvious I still had a long way ahead of me LOL. And to think some people assume that everyone skilled enough in art must have had some innate talent for it. CLEARLY, they don't know what they're talking about because I was terrible at it early on!

But I mean, I didn't really think that of my art, did I?

No. In fact, I'm pretty sure that kid me was very much impressed with his own works. See, that child had a very bloated ego and a high opinion of himself. You should ask his poor friends; I'm sure they'd agree that the bugger could take a few lessons on humility with how he'd be sharing all of his silly sketches to them and pontificating on and on about how nice he thinks they are. Yeah, I was an insufferable kid.

But I do think that overinflated ego of mine turned out beneficial for my growth as an artist because without it—without my love for my own art—I wouldn't have stuck to it.

And stuck to it I did.

Went to college soon after that and took a program majoring in biology. Not much of a surprising choice since I've always liked the sciences and figured it would later on give way to a stable career; funnily enough, while I was very passionate about making art, I never thought it would be a profitable source of income. But that didn't mean I'd stop doing it on my free time though! Actually, this was when I got myself my first tablet! And what better way to start my digital drawing experience than to buy a FUCKING EXPENSIVE cintiq!!! With the extra motivation coming from the monetary pressure of such a purchase, you bet your ass I used the hell out of that thing. I was so intent on making use of it that—would you look at that—I still use it to this day! (Wow, they really made those old wacom tablets to last, didn't they?)

Obviously, college work ended up taking a lot of my time so I couldn't really draw as much as I did a few years ago. There were even times when I could only make one painting throughout a whole month; a far cry to my previous output. But even so, I never wavered in thinking that making art—being an artist—was something that was part of my identity; it was something that I always will come back to, no matter how much busy I got contending with course work.

And speaking of which, fuck that! Got my first honest-to-goodness mental breakdown because of all the studying I was doing at one point. See, I'm the type of student that likes getting good grades because BIG NUMBERS so I made it a point to be studious. To the point of insanity, apparently.

Anyway, I got better eventually and it all turned out nice. Even snagged all the awards I could've gotten for my thesis by the end of it! Yes, I am bragging. I deserve it, thank you very much! (For anyone curious, it was a study about plant pigments and using them in solar cells).

After that debacle, I found myself whisked into Adulthood which meant I finally had to find a job. Guess I was lucky since I didn't really have much of a hard experience searching for one. Got accepted into a cosmetics company for a lab position. Hmm, in hindsight, I think they just wanted a fresh graduate who wouldn't demand a high salary and that was me so I got in pretty easily. And honestly, the work was AWESOME. My job ended up with me coming up with formulas for new products. I got to make lotions, shampoos, soaps (ugh, I hated that one), perfumes, toners, balms, scented candles, and—oddly enough that one time—glue! It was a wonderful experience for me since it blended my interest in science and art with how it required me to think of creative ways of applying technical solutions in order to make products that needed to look, feel, smell, and perform a certain way.

As a bonus, I even got to make stuff for myself! I was particularly fond of making creams with menthol. The soothing chill on the skin is just so nice!

It wasn't all good though. I mean the menthol was fine and dandy, I assure you, but even if I was enjoying myself with the work, it just so happens that it just wasn't giving me enough money to provide for the family. Also, there was that one time I splashed chili oil on my eye. A very eye-opening and spicy turn of events to be sure.

With the bills stressing the hell out of me, I then thought to myself: if only I had a marketable skill that I could use in my off time as a way of engaging with a hobby whilst earning money.

Yup, I started my singing career!

LOL no. I opened art commissions for the first time!

It was a very scary experience, mind you. I don't consider myself a social butterfly and the prospect of talking with other people in a transactional context was a big reason why I haven't even considered doing it all this time. Turns out being poor and running out of money outweighed such concerns. Also, my keeping up with art and posting them online all these years seemed to have payed off well; my twitter having then recently crossed over a thousand followers which meant I had a decent pool of potential clients!

And so I bumbled through my first few commissions trying to appear professional and all put together in front of my clients while consistently shitting myself on the inside. Just like all well-functioning adults!

It was October last year when I started. I figured that I wouldn't have much in way of commissioners—what with being new to the business—and that was fine since I didn't have much time to put on them anyways since I did still had to go to work on my day job. What mattered was that it gave me enough of a financial buffer so that I didn't have to worry too much about going under.

This continued to the turn of the year where I was able to juggle both my job and doing commission without much of a hassle. In fact, I noticed that people were actually really interested in getting commissions from me. So much that at one point...I actually made more money in a month than what I would've with my monthly salary! At that point, it was so over! Like, I originally was planning to at least observe how things went within this year and then decide after if I would just keep it as a side gig or go full-time with art. Turns out I was much more impulsive than I expected.

It was on a bright sunny February morning (no cinematic storm clouds in sight, unfortunately) that I decided on a lark to approach my boss at work and tell them that yup, no joke, I was gonna be leaving. I handed my resignation letter a few days later.

I would've liked to say that it was a tearful goodbye with my cherished co-workers whom I've spent the last five years of my life with but...COME ON, I barely talked with those people! Instead, it was a lukewarm farewell between people who just happened to work in proximity to each other. Eh, like I said, I wasn't much of a social butterfly and no one really made an effort to get to know me so oh well. MOVING ON!

Actually, I couldn't just up and leave because there are laws around these kinds of things so I worked there for another month but all that was a blur. Soon enough, I was officially unemployed!

So like I mentioned earlier, I full on did not expect doing art as something that would bring in much in way of income. My parents too thought the same. They said that yeah, art was a good hobby but as job? Let's be serious here! Well, turns out we were wrong all this time. With me fully dedicated to commission work, I was able to take on a larger volume of clients. Not as many as some of you go for (I'm looking at you, people who take ten or more commissions per batch, you monsters!) but enough that I was actually making a stable living! And yeah, WAY more than my now previous job. What an absolute shock to everyone involved; me most of all.

Now it's almost the end of the year, my plans having all but shattered into tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that scatter with the wind as I look back on the past ten years that has led me to where I am today. A lot of time has passed. I graduated high school, college, then got a job. Then graduated from that too. Certain people have come and gone. Some more permanent than others. I've lost friends and made new ones. Tumblr got fucked. Twitter got fucked. The world stopped for two years. For some, it's still stuck in those two years. I made glue in a lab. Almost lost an eye in a lab. I bought chips with my very own money for the first time. I loved people. Hated them too. Things have happened. Things have changed.

I certainly am very different from that kid who was having troubles fitting in with others from his class, what with being bullied and suffering through a particularly angsty teenage (oh my god I was CRINGE). A kid who often sought drawing as an escape to all of those terrible things out of his control.

I guess I'm happy I can still relate to that kid.

#den thoughts #10 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #omg an essay #what the hell #it's 5 in the morning #I wrote this for two hours #me and my pretentious ass #ugh #I'm going to bed

[bentosandbox]

I don’t know if anyone had asked this yet but I wanna know your opinions on vernal wind(after reading ur qiubai skin review) and what do you expect the story to go on after the event?

WOW sorry i took so long to reply this the next sui story already came out (although i haven't read it yet) but i did just finish reading silberneherze and it reminded me of vernal a lot so i finally managed to frame my thoughts(?) also did i review her skin i can't find the post so sorry if i repeat anything ive said before lol anyway

disclaimers: 1) didn't reread before typing this so i prob forgot a load of stuff 2) subjective as hell

Vernal was so aarhhhhgggg not bad but it was so... Traditional Wuxia which I thought I would be happy to read but bruh. they played every trope a bit too straight imo. i think the main thing that stuck with me was the crazy levels of filial piety which isn't a bad thing per se but come on. waaifu's dad. shakes my head i think ya01 should have destroyed him. i think wei should also have been bedridden bare minimum or something from the early encounter just from main story karma. only rat king gets to go scot free cause hes actually a nice dad to lin so i guess it makes sense she's like no no 'i'll continue the family business' i remember reading the story for the first time and being like (woozy emoji) over lin saying she'll take over because it was so.. girl youre probably not even 25 yet and you just put on some heavy af shackles which was so very 'the Right thing to do' great character flaw(?) for someone supposedly morally 'Not Good' i suppose

this avengers ahh looking CG... everytime i think about the context its just SIGH they really just girlies gang up!! and then Ya just 'aight cya' maybe im just salty du yaoye isn't in it and still isn't playable just undercooked as fuck banger image but weak setup and payoff there was no satisfaction to be gained other than 'nice art' (for me)

like... basically every girl in the picture's main motivation in the story is related to some guy which was so zzzzz to chew about when thinking about a bigger picture. actually maybe even every woman even jieyun's teacher i think only lin gets to go off the hook because of that lungwrath scene (probably my fave part of the event) so pathetic... so human... ok i know im bias

Chongyue: honestly i was kinda zzz-ing at the boss fight idk i guess there is a kind of 'damn even now when fighting he's alone lol' but other than that i was just like 'okaaaaay'

anyway silver lake spoilers below

leto's dad sucks but he's still at least 50 times better than waaifu's and i feel like degenbrecher is in a similar place where chongyue was except she basically goes idgaf and i enjoyed that very much

and just the littlest thoughts on Here A Peoples Sow (will they fix this title for global) because... funny i said how vernal was so 'traditional'. they literally flipped 男耕女织 (Men Till and Women Weave) basically feudal era? traditional division of labour with Shu and Jie lmaoooo

#bentoask #Anonymous #arknights

[stinkyme]

Hello friend :)

I’d like to hear your and other women’s thoughts/experiences/advice about following problem, if that’s okay:

I’m currently 19, turning 20 soon, and I’m not only as conditioned to obsess over female youth and male validation as much as to be scared of “getting old” in general (as in turning like 40+, which objectively isn’t “old”), but I’m also dreading turning 20 and not being in my teens anymore.

I’ll be honest, those teen years were shit, I didn’t enjoy them, and what lies ahead of me is most likely better than that, but I’m scared of not being a young girl anymore. I obsess over being “youthful and pure” so much, that I feel like I’m decreasing in worth with every year, and that I’ll be like five times less desirable once I’m not a “teen” anymore. Which is sick, I know, but I still feel like the only thing that I have, that I can be proud of, that gives me worth, is the fact that I’m still young, look good and fit into the “male fantasy” of the dainty, innocent young woman blah blah blah. Not an image that I look at and think, “wow, cool, exactly what I want to be”, and I actually really admire women who are headstrong, independent, do what makes them feel good and not what men would like.

But I can’t help but have my thoughts revolve around “does that make me desirable/feminine/hot/likable through the male gaze?” with whatever I do, wear, say, how I move, talk, etc.

I feel so terrible for being and thinking like that, I think it’s pathetic, but I just feel like my entire worth depends on how men perceive me, because I feel like I have nothing else to be proud of, nothing else that makes me me, you know?

🍒anon

If I can be very honest, I am not the best person to talk about this with because frankly - I couldn't care less about what men think or what they find desirable, lol. This will be a messy post since there is a lot to cover, but I will try to make it brief

It makes me appalled most of the time when I listen to them even speak what they want, I am unable to sympathize with them as someone who is also attracted to women or find myself insecure under their ridicilous and unachievable standards. Not to mention changing myself for it

I say I don't care about what most (especially toxic) men think and I truly do mean it, I genuinely don't hold their opinion close to heart or in high regards. To me, it's like a broken radio playing in the background

Everyone are allowed to have a type, of course, however I am guessing you are going specifically for basic standard - perfect girl, perfect body, no marks of living or even smiling, smooth as a liquid (hey mitski), literally a doll with sewed mouth lol

Well, about those I don't care. I don't care about beauty standards in general. I criticize them, of course, due to how racist, pedophilic and how harming they are - which is also why I don't care to achieve them. I am a white woman, so yes, I do hold a certain privilege when it comes to it, however I am far away from what society or men find desirable, I think

However, I cared only when I was much younger and thought relationships and somebody being romantically invested in you meant you are worthy and lovable, but as I grew up and as I went through fairly long relationship that ruined my self image and self love (or what was left of it), I had to learn something which is how to not care and let myself be. Now, I am excited about myself as I am and I like myself as I am, even though I am far away from perfect. I have stretch marks here and there, I have tummy, I have pimples sometimes, I have marks of being a human, I can be very hairy, etc etc, but there is so much more to me and I am okay with saying that.

I don't shame away from being human anymore just because somebody may find it not dolly enough. I am who I am and I love being so many things that I am which have nothing to do with the way I look like

But I like it all as it is, truthfully. I don't care about looking young because who really cares? Men with pedophilic standards - sure, but why would I or you or anyone else even think they should feed into that?

You are a young woman, far away from old or dirty. Yes, you will be less desirable in your 20's..why? Because a lot of men like children. That's the harsh truth of it. I was catcalled much more as a 15 year old kid and I literally looked like a kid than at my current age of 21

A lot of men like everything that is easily manipulated, ruined, bruised, tainted, only for their use because a lot of them are sick in the head. So, you should never bow your head down to such standards because why would you? Get excited about meeting yourself, let yourself be a woman you are. A smart, strong headed, independent, interesting, poetic, enthusiastic woman! And you can do all that while also taking care of your looks - but for yourself and for your own satisfaction :)

Because those men whose approval you seek will never find you beautiful. Not in a way you may want or in a way you deserve. You deserve somebody who will find you beautiful due to the essence of your being, due to all that makes you human even if it leaves marks on your skin. Those men, on the other hand, will only find you..taintable. A little project of senseless purity that they get to ruin. An object that they get to break. Once that happens and your so-called innocence is gone, so is your beauty in their eyes. You hold no beauty, only potential future ruins and that's about it. So they can take you apart and readjust you until you don't recognize anything about yourself.

So, instead of putting your head down directly on a gillotine of awful men's perception and desires, perhaps put your mirror down first, get off of socials that encourage this idea and meet yourself. Let yourself become whoever you want to be because you can be so many things. I know it feels discouraging and it's scary to feel or be seen as "old" or "used", but frankly, anyone who ranks people by such standard isn't really the most reliable source now, is it?

Sorry if this was too "poetic" or all over the place, but I really wish you could understand that there is so much more to you and "purity", "innocence", "youthfulness" are all things made up to shame women for existing, lol. (regardless of whether you are sexually active or not since those are usually representing that, but I know what you mean when you say it)

So, please, just try looking into your essence with your own two eyes and your own heart and finding yourself exciting and interesting as you are, instead of losing your life away looking at yourseld through shallow eyes of weird men who don't see further than what might be under your clothes. You are much, much more than that :) <3

and, word "old" isn't a bad word, so don't treat it as such, no need to at all :)

#stinkyanswers #🍒 anon <3 #i am sorry if i am not the best source #and if i am a bit too poetic #but it makes me sad and angry that women constantly try to fit something so irrelevant and made up concept that holds no true weight #but it makes us feel heavy with shame and guilt because we are not always perfect #they say how women can and have to make even death beautiful #even our own death #please don't waste your life away for such things

[rocknrollflames]

I’m curating a playlist on Spotify that’s dedicated to my hometown, Memphis, and I got so excited just now.

So I knew Otis Redding (one of my all-time fave singers) was discovered here (so to speak) and recorded here at Stax Records, but I guess I didn’t know to what extent. Like, so many of my favorite Otis Redding songs were recorded here—I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now), Try A Little Tenderness, Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay, and These Arms of Mine…just to name a few. 🖤

I’ve been to Graceland and toured Sun Records (where Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Jerry Lee Lewis all were discovered and recorded), but I’ve never been to Stax Records and done the tour there. I really need to. I also need to visit the Rock & Soul Museum, which is here too.

Sometimes, despite our issues here, I love being from Memphis. We have such a musical history and culture. I feel like that’s why I have such a love from deep in my soul for this music—the old Soul/Blues/50s & 60s rock. It’s in my DNA. 🎵

And we have the BEST BBQ IN THE COUNTRY. Fight me, you’ll lose. 😂

Ok, enough rambling about Memphis.

Love ya, sis. 🖤🍒🎵

Wow! I didn't know they also had a Rock & Soul Museum. That's so cool. I woiuld love to go there. I also still want to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame of course, too, lol!

I love old rock and roll. The first rock and roll. It's the real deal. A lot of people don't understand how rock is a mixture of both country and blues. I would say both country and rhythm and blues, but that's not the way I see it. Because country has rhythm too.

If you go back and listen to some of the oldest rock you can hear and feel it. I think the thing about rock, and this is my opinion, is that it should make you kind of let go. When it first came out, it drove people crazy! I mean, people were worried about their kids cause they wouldn't stop dancing and listening to the radio and they thought they had lost their damn minds. Women would pass out. They would faint when they watched Elvis Presley or The Beatles. Guys would wear their hair and clothes like them cause they wanted to be them and couldn't get enough of them.

And I love both the Buddy Holly/Everly Brothers side of things as well as the Chuck Berry/Little Richard side of things. They both fit in, you know? I have nothing against new rock at all, but the thing I love about old rock is that you can dance to it. If you can't dance to it fast then you can still dance to it slow! Or at least get a really good sway on, you know? Ha!

I understand they whole, 'get really into the lyrics and try to decipher the meaning behind every word and every line in a song and what the writer meant when they wrote it', and I get the appeal of that to an extent. But - rock is also a feeling. Like, it doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to have a deep, profound meaning ALL of the time. But sometimes it definitely does! And rock and roll and rock and soul that is straightforward and tells it like it is, is sorely missed.

I love my symbolic and deep thinking lines - the songs that you can find some meany meanings to. But when you don't have to THINK that hard - if you can just kind of lose yourself in it - then THAT'S rock and roll. That to me, is the most rock and roll that there is.

And I think that 'rock and soul' makes so much sense. Because to me, there is such a fine line, you know? There is overlapping and there is sharing and sometimes it is just borderline. But it's all so cool. Anyway - I think that is so awesome you have been to Graceland and to Sun Records and now are going to Stax too!

(I finally ordered my shoes, lol! Been putting that off forever! I lost my discount! Anyway, now I have to get the Spotify all worked out. As soon as I do I want to listen to your Memphis playlist. Is it going to be songs by artists from Memphis or is it going to songs from artist who recorded or played in Memphis, or will there also be songs that mention Memphis? Like, 'Walking in Memphis' and doesn't 'Black Velvet' also mention Memphis?

I think it is great that you still live in Memphis. I know there are problems there but there is nothing I hate more than people having to leave their home because of things like that. It has such a rich heritage and it needs it's people to maintain that heritage.

As far as the BBQ - I believe you. I have heard that dry rub is used in Memphis and other parts of TN. In GA, people were always poor. We weren't TX who had the ranches and the beef so no one knew what the hell brisket was cause no one could afford a cow. That's why they had to use every single piece of the poor hog! Ha! So, GA is and has always been famous for the pulled pork - with Carolina Sauce of course. And it is crazy you just mentioned BBQ cause i just had some pulled pork with CS a couple of hours ago.

When I lived In CA there was a cool restaurant that had all kinds of BBQ from around the country. They called the pulled pork sandwich the Georgia Pulled Pork Sandwich, lol. It was the first time I ever got try brisket. And I tried dry rub ribs the first time in Chattanooga.

Okay, so I really blogged today. Keep me up to date on the museum and the playlist. Otis is so cool. I mean, he feels it. He rocks. He rocks and souls.

Love,

Sissy xoxo <3

[pinkandpurple360]

It was me yes! I love BlitzFizz so much, I really think that Viv dropped the ball on them, but I also kinda think that they originally were going to be a doomed ship only for the Stolitz and Fizzmodeus fans on twitter to lose their minds because their OTPs were threatened by the obviously superior ship and so she just gave them 15 years of no contact and just an unspoken possibly mutual crush. Even Alex in his Livestream seemed to be really fond of BlitzFizz and it makes my brain go brr lol.

The part of the song that I really feel is directed at Blitzo comes from the second verse:

Aware, aware, you stalk your prey

With criminal mentality

You sink your teeth into the people you depend on

Infecting everyone, you're quite the problem

Blitzo attaches to vulnerable people and like most narcissists and abusers, actively seeks out those he can take advantage of. Loona, Moxxie and Stolas are all shown to be in extremely vulnerable positions when he meets them and he takes advantage of that [IGNORE THE CIRCUS!!! I just pretend that episode doesn't exist. I know everyone seems to agree Seeing Stars was the worst episode but it really is The Circus for me. Ruined Blitzo and Stolas all at once.]

Add to Verosika's amber alert joke, you can even reasonably headcanon that she was much younger than Blitzo when they were together, also making her vulnerable. And it also shows Blitzo's codependency on his relationships but also how he ruins them through his shitty behavior.

Fee-fi-fo-fum, you better run and hide

I smell the blood of a petty little coward

Jack be lethal, Jack be slick

Jill will leave you lonely, dying in a filthy ditch

And basically calling Blitzo out for being a coward. Too afraid of loss to commit to anyone in any way. He treats moxxie like crap, is defensive and avoidant of Stolas, dotes on Loona who constantly abused him because he knows she'll never really love him [in his pov] and shows how he abandoned both Verosika and Fizz in the past.

Basically Fizz and Verosika warning everyone around him to be on alert because given the chance Blitzo will leave them with nothing.

AAAAGH sorry for the long post I just love the potential BlitzFizz had!

Woah this is like..the harshest reading of Blitzø I’ve ever seen. And knowing that a lot of Fizz’s resentment is based on a narrative he was fed about Blitzø being jealous and malicious, when in reality he loves him but never felt good enough, and actually always puts Fizz’s happiness first, But was probably told he wasn’t good enough, is pretty heartbreaking.

Verosika is probably completely right though, Blitz became what he was told he was, a worthless deadbeat. He was her bodyguard who clearly drank on the job and partied too hard, failing to actually keep her safe. I shudder to think what he allowed to happen.

Viv has barely even told their story, in past or in present, so it’s just too soon to say that yet. The 15 years thing is a tragic element to their story, it allowed them to also develop into their own identities and careers.

That’s…one way of reading it? Uhh? I guess the non-narcissistic non-abuser thing to do would have been to leave moxxie behind in prison and break out alone, the non-abuser thing would have been to not adopt Loona and give her a home and job? Right?

No I’m not ignoring the circus lol. I’m only sad Blitzø stole from the owl pervert because after doing this the owl pervert, the actual narcissistic abuser who exploits smaller people in vulnerable positions, forces him into an abusive exploitative sex and body guarding contract against his will and tries to manipulate him and take his heart next. Hell, The Full Moon deal and crystal is just a ‘test of love’ abuser tactic. Sorry but I think “The Circus” was a bit of reality check everyone needed to have. Even though in my opinion too much completely undeserved sympathy was on stolas.

Blitzø is scared of loss after I suppose, hurting and losing his entire family. Wow what an asshole(?) huh(?) like fear of commitment is bad and hurtful but it’s not built on malice dude?

He does treat moxxie like crap

He should get a restraining order against stolas and continue to defend himself from this toxic abusive man as hard as he can. Hopefully his friends and family eventually will defend him and tell him he deserves better than to be some fragile perverts comfort animal and “hero” archetype out of fear, coercion, and guilt-ridden obligation, too.

Are you trying to say that doting on Loona is an abusive thing now? If anything he spoils her. That’s hilarious…and she does love him actually. She’s struggling to adapt to the new life she has now, and doesn’t want to see him as some kind of saviour or hero, just a father. He’s slowly learning that too. It’s only in seeing stars, the episode where everyone broke character, that Loona is really violent to him. In other ones she’s not. It’s a shove at best. And that s2e2 ep was just plain sloppy shit.

The verosika age headcanon is based on, nothing? At all? We can agree he abandoned her, took advantage, was awful and yeah, still is. But are you trying to say he groomed her as well? Dude no.

#helluva boss critical #anti blitzø #first one I’ve had

[xplrvibes]

Opinion on the video? I feel you'll have funny or spicy things to say about certain parts of it, lol.

So, I haven't answered many asks about the video, simply because the first time I watched it, I watched it in sections and I feel like I missed a lot, so I had to find time and go back to rewatch it before I truly formulated an opinion and responded to anything.

I've done that, so I'll start answering some of these asks now.

To be completely honest, I did write up a very long post about the video, but I wound up scrapping it. It was long, wordy, and 100% bound to get me canceled on here, lol.

So instead, I'm summarize my thoughts here.

This video can basically be split into two parts: The Guests, and the Post Guests.

I might just skip over the whole part with the guests because honestly, I don't even know why they were there. They didn't seem into it, Larray especially wasn't taking it seriously, and I feel like everyone involved was just in it for the view farming. Honestly, the whole first 20 minutes was a skip for me, and I feel like this collab would've been better served in a regular video and not their huge project of the year that's supposed to break barriers and show who they are as people.

The Merry Knockers coming in and doing their thing was fine for what it was - again, I'm not fully feeling their vibes with this, but I'm not going to keep poking at it. It is what it is. So for what it is, it was fine.

I do want to point out one random thing, which is that Colby should go on Wheel of Fortune, cause his guessing game about what these knocks were spelling out was on point, holy damn.

Also, their message about the other side - I think at the end of the day, all anyone wants for the afterlife is for their best case scenario to be true, whether that be dark eternal nothingness or fluffy clouds with angels on them or reincarnation or something in between. We all just want peace, whatever that means for us personally. So, it was a nice message in that regards and it obviously meant a lot to then.

That's what matters. Impact.

The vibes changed the second the guests left, as they always do. Why snc can't just realize that and get comfortable being on their own more often is beyond me, but honestly- it just flows better when it's the two of them.

Now, the one thing I want to point out about this video is that they spent 90% of the time not acknowledging the elephant in the basement- Sam and his middle child tendencies rearing their ugly heads again.

I am going to tread very carefully here, but I'm also going to put it bluntly - what Sam did was selfish. They went into this with a pre-agreed upon idea and plan for the video and the basement in particular, and Sam tried to go into business and - as Colby eloquently put it - "take it for himself." And that's what that was, btw...it was not possession, it was not, "Oh wow, I need a quiet place to think about Grandma." He tried to go into business for himself and take the Big Moment of the video for himself, and when it failed, he sat back for three days and waited until the Big Moment - and a camera - was on them to tell Colby about it.

I would've been pissed too. In fact, I give Colby props for how calmly he handled it, cause I would've thrown some hands lol.

Just a shitty, selfish, non team player thing to do.

What cracked me up about this whole thing was how Colby checked him immediately with just a clenched jaw, a few disappointed words, and a mom look. That's all it took to get Sam backtracking like a motherfucker.

They seriously do act like a long suffering married couple sometimes.

Anyway, 3 minutes later and Sam is the only thing keeping Colby from drowning in the Conjuring Well, so that ought to tell you that they'll be just fine.

The Estes Method...ok. We need to talk about Dave, cause homeboy really just wants to get laid. Is that why he's tryjng to get everyone to go out into the woods? Like bro, you're dead, calm down.

Anyway, Sam's reaction to the "sex" answer was 10/10. Little bit of "what the fuck" mixed with a whole lot of begrudging respect.

Sassy, still-pissed Colby just reacting to Sam's shaking with a disgusted sounding "what are you doing?" also made me laugh.

In general, just know that the basement made me laugh.

The camera malfunctioning at the end - I actually thought Colby was turning it off at first, ngl. It just felt like drama for drama's sake. And then Sam had the bright idea to film it happening on his phone so we could see that it wasn't them - which they need to do more of, by the way - so that was cool.

The head popping up behind them when they came up from the basement: I need confirmation that nobody else was in the house before I even syart going down any possible road on this one. Sorry, snc, but that totally looks like a human.

Anyway, the video was fine for what it was. Psychology wise, there was some utterly fascinating parts to watch and dissect, they got some fun evidence, and there was a lot of snc alone time which is always a plus.

Overall, I'd probably give it a solid 6/10.

#asks #sam and colby #colby brock #sam golbach #snc video review #xplr #disclaimer: opinions are not law

[weebsinstash]

the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated

I felt that. I an asexual person with zero intention of getting married or having a baby but seeing Roe v Wade, I just... feel the need to have my tubes tied? Which should not even be a thing I consider since I have no plans to have sex. Those radical religious/misogynisitc views that are popping up nowadays just make me feel very disgusted at things that are... Really not horrible. Nothing wrong about being a housewife, or getting pregnant, but the way those incels with a mic talk about women in their podcasts just create very unhealthy relationships between women and "womanhood"/traditionally feminine things.

What's so fucked up is like the exact same people saying shit like "oh these gross LGBTQRSTUV alphabet mafia freaks are trying to groom and molest our kids! How dare they try to say kids need to learn about safe sex and periods and not to send nudes or address sex in any way other than abstinence!" will then turn around say "wow, asexuals? How UNNATURAL. You aren't PROCREATING like GOD INTENDED. You're ALSO somehow grooming our kids" and it's just like. Fuck. Leave people alone about their fucking sexuality and gender presentation.

And then sometimes I try to discuss this with my mom because like we discuss politics a lot and she's, you know, a woman and has raised me and ill seek her perspective as my mom and a woman and an adult, and sometimes she'll just be "oh don't read all that, youre getting upset over trolls, people are just stupid" ok well these stupid people can VOTE and sometimes these stupid people ARE the ones we're voting for!!! Like! I'm so tired of seeing bullshit like Americans saying "haha good on Country XYZ for making it legal to beat those t slurs in public, this is just MODERN WESTERN PROPAGANDA" and I want to scream shit like "India has recognized trans people for over 3000 years you fucking bigoted moron"

Like!!! Ugh!! Should I be furious or sad!!! (Putting the rest under a rm because this gets a little long and I also discuss abortion/miscarriage)

Fucking idiots saying shit like "oh just use birth control there's like 30 kinds" and guess what motherfucker literally the only 100% effective ones involve SURGERY. Even my OWN MOTHER got pregnant on a diaphragm. Fuck you! Fuck you! You think abortions are being used as birth control? I know at least two people who've had them and they can be ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING, I am talking SCREAMING TO STOP THE PROCEDURE KINDS OF PAIN. "Oh women just want to avoid accountability" bitch some of them don't want to DIE, some of them can't raise a disabled child, some of them have diseases and conditions that can't be passed on

I... may have had some risky sex a while back with, minor precautions, ok I'll be the dumb irresponsible slut and say the pull out method was used, and while nothing came of that, obviously, literally my game plan after it happened and post nut clarity hit was "ok well I know if I need an abortion there are people who literally terrorize you outside the clinics so maybe I'll just kill myself". And you know what, I wasn't even intending to do that kind of thing, the unsafe sex, it was just, you know, happened fast and in the heat of the moment, and it happened briefly. Even I, as someone who has never wanted children and FEARED motherhood all my life, made that kind of mistake. And I spent the following three weeks in absolute TERROR waiting for my period, thinking of all the people who would happily force me to carry a child that would no doubt inherit my physical disability, my genetic disorders, and wouldn't be wanted by me or the father (and im not saying that as anything against him we are both very anti kid lol)

It's so upsetting because like, people have different opinions, and in some cases can you really say if an opinion is right or wrong? But so often do I see things that are inhumane, grotesque even. I was reading a story of a woman who was forced to carry a malformed fetus to a full pregnancy where it passed that same day. Here you have a woman who was forced to deliver what was essentially a corpse, the trauma that must have caused her, not just in mind but also in body. 9 months, 9 months of knowing it was being born just to die. And. People were legitimately replying "better that than to be ripped limb from limb inside the womb" that's a specific form of third trimester abortion which wasn't even what she was asking for you fucking idiot. "Better for the baby to know its mother's touch" it literally didn't have a properly formed brain and we don't even know if it could have even SENSED anything besides agony. "I would have wanted to hold my baby before it passed" you would have let a fetus which had abnormalities discovered in the first trimester to fully develop into a child so it could die in horrible pain just for your moral closure?

I read a comment just a few days ago that was legitimately one of the most disgusting things I had ever read and dear God I hope this person was lying but they said "I know a catholic woman who was pregnant and found out her baby would be born terminal and die shortly after birth. She carried it the full pregnancy so she could baptize it" THAT'S ABHORRENT. For you non religious folk, which I am too but I have some secondhand knowledge, the point of baptism is the idea that we are all born into sin and must be like cleansed to be children of God or something like that. And to be blunt I consider this woman an absolute monster and I replied as such.

"She let a newborn baby suffer in agony just so she could dip it in her magic fairy water? And she thinks she's the GOOD GUY?"

It's just. Ugh. I don't even know. I use culture and country as an excuse for religious freedom and sexual and gender expression (ie. Banning trans people from being visible is prejudiced to Indians, Native Americans, Samoans, Judaism, etc) but then people turn around and say "but it's my culture or religion to be homophobic/not allow abortion" and then I just want to say "well you're just an idiot who can't think for themselves then and you need to get with the fucking times :)" like obviously I am not perfect but I believe basic human rights transcends borders and beliefs. Like for example, similar but different, Malaysia is about to literally hang a man just for having a kilo of weed and people are happily saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and its like do you understand it's inherently problematic to just say "their country, their rules" right. Like some places use that as an excuse to keep forms of slavery. Like to circle the argument back around states rights was an argument to try and keep slavery and now states rights is being used as an argument to criminalize abortion?

Like I try not to bring the vibe here down too often but these conversations are important. We as human beings should be helping and protecting each other and I feel a legitimate fear of society approaching some sort of social collapse or civil war. Like even if you're opposed to abortion you should actually still be voting in favor of keeping abortion because, if abortion is outlawed on moral and religious grounds, it will start the ball rolling for banning other medical procedures out of opinion and not fact. You know we already let the insurance companies do that right? Tell people their life savinf treatment isn't covered because they don't deem it medically necessary even though insurance agents arent doctors? Even on my main blog I boosted a post about a person with severe endometriosis who is being denied a hysterectomy because of their weight by the NHS but a private clinic will save them for a price, and meanwhile the endo is impacting organs outside their reproductive system

It's just. God. I'm sorry I guess I went all over the place in this post but everything is so scary now. Transphobia is on the rise, homophobia, racism, gun violence, they keep finding horrible child labor shit like 15 year olds cleaning slaughterhouses, even in my current blue state, red senators are arguing we should let young teens do construction, they're changing legislation on healthcare, on the internet, on student loans, inflation is HUGE NOW, rent is skyrocketing, homelessness is rising, just

It can be hard to keep your head up you know? I try not to be a doom and gloomer but there's legitimately scary shit happening? Like I didn't even touch on climate change and how all of these issues are going to intersect and snowball until our entire species is fucked. I know what I'm voting in 2024 but, it doesn't make anything less terrifying. If we weren't protected before, if we still really aren't now, can we really trust it to happen in the future?

#sorry for the rambling

[umber-cinders]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @pilesofpillows 😙

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Four works so far but hoping to add more since I have a lot more fics written I've never published.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Wow I didn't even know this was a thing! Had to look up how to find it. My total Ao3 word count is 182,483 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

My current works are for Black Panther but I plan to write a oneshot for MCU's Secret Invasion show because I liked Gravik and thought he was hot (I like the skrull in general lol). But I also have pretty long and large fics for Netflix's 2017 movie "Bright" that I want to upload as well. There are other fandoms too but they escape me atm.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I only have four fics up and one of them is brand new so 😅

Winter Moon

Mount Jabari

If The Shoe Fits

Incubus

In that order. You can find a link to my fics for both tumblr and Ao3 here

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I love talking to the people reading my stuff and want them to know that their comments are appreciated and often keep me motivated to write more 😁Love you guys! 💕

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm, I guess that would be If The Shoe Fits. There's a planned part two that might negate this answer though.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Mount Jabari 🤣Reader was very happy at the end of that fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did on Winter Moon but I don't particularly care about the opinions of someone whose intentions are to be intentionally dismissive and negative so the comments the person received in return were likely not what they had wanted 💀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Absolutely yes. Bring me the SMUT! Right now! I will write it for you if you don't.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, never did a crossover and not really a fan of them. However when I was still really young there was a gigantic, kind of OOC crossover fic with a bunch of popular anime from the 90s/2000s called Otherworld and I used to read that like it was the bible. It inspired me to do my own first fanfics. There were like 9 books to that story and multiple oneshots and short stories that tied the characters together and everything.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware... and anyone who tries it....

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not publicly, but I have gotten a comment that someone loves my story so much that they translate every chapter so that they could read it properly and it made me so happy 😭❤💕

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! But I do love giving other authors ideas and vice versa. I think it helps people think outside the box when they brainstorm with friends.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going to say Attoye from Black Panther for now? I was never that big of a "shipping" person in fandoms but I definitely enjoy Attoye enough to say I ship them. I also like Nashuri and Killmora.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Nothing atm. I tend to work on stories in order of inspiration and importance. I don't publish things I'm not willing to commit time to at some point.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure exactly. I've been told that I write very descriptively and that it can paint a vivid picture of scenarios and characters, so I'll go with that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluff and filler. I don't dislike fluff completely but I tend to write it as realistically as possible because trying to imagine people being that super ooey gooey makes me wanna gag and cringe lmfao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it only when necessary for the simple fact that having to provide translations for entire scenes of dialogue gets tiresome and tricky.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha in middle school💀

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It doesn't have a name but like I said above, it was definitely Inuyasha and or anime related.

No pressure tagging: @karisomk, @megamindsecretlair, @mamajankyy, @mickimomo and anyone else who see this and would like to participate!

#tumblr tag game #writer tag game

[wilcze-kudly]

Thank you @nova-leaf for this tag too 🥰

wow i get to talk about myself so much im nervous

•How many tumblr accounts have you had before this one?

This is gonna be my fith tumblr account lol. I lose track of them really easily because I'm a silly funky guy with so much wrong with me.

• How long have you been in fandom?

Oh like. Since I was 10? God I remember my firat forays into fandom culture on amino it was an experience good god. My first fandom was Tolkien. I've only recently gotten into the Avatar fandom though. Still not sure how that happened but I'm having fun 🥰

•Your favorite trope in fiction?

I adore found family, cause I'm basic lol. The power of friendship is also a cheesy beloved of mine.

•Your favorite random fact?

Tolkien had beef with the Beatles. Hayao Miyazaki hates the Beatles. Junji Ito loves the Beatles.

•Your favourite game or kind of game?

Skyrim is my favourite game. Open world RPGs are my escape. I love them so much I try not to play them too often or I'll never get up lol.

•A place you’d like to visit? (If carbon emissions, logistics and money weren’t in question)

Hm. This is a tough one. I like to travel and I want to go to many places. But if I had to pick one point off that list, it would pribably be mount Shasta. I'm just curious, I guess, with all the legends and disappearances and odd happenings around it. Like I just wanna see the place not even have anything supernatural happen. Just be there for a bit? Call it morbid curiosity. Also the area seems beautiful even of itself like even if the aliens don't get me i think it'd be a nice hike.

•An animal you’re irrationally afraid of?

Ants. I like most bugs. I like spiders. But ants? Ants give me straight up panic attacks? I don't know why. There's just something very terrifying aout them.

Also. Swans. But that's not an irrational fear. Geese and swans are in my opinion the true successors of dinosaurs. If you haven't been a girl scout cowering in a flimsy tent with your three other girl scout friends, in the middle of a thunderstorm, while a pair of feral swans is trying to peck their way into your tent you do not know true fear.

Their pecks hurt like a bitch too. Their beaks are serrated like a fucking saw.

•What’s your favourite season?

Autumn. In Poland we divide Autumn into two mini seasons. Golden Autumn, which is early autumn, when the freshly fallen leaves are all crispy and beautiful. And then we have Rainy Autumn, which is when it has rained and gotten much colder. I love both.

•A smell that brings you nice memories?

Tea. I started drinking tea when I was very young. My dad is an Englishman and the moment i stopped drinking breastmilk i was immediately given tea with milk.

I think I associate tea very strongly with my family and feeling loved by them. When I was younger, my parents would often wake up before me, so they would often make me tea and wake me up with it.

Making tea for someone is still a huge gesture of affection to me and there's nothing quite like the smell of a nice hot cup of tea.

(If you’re ok talking about food. If not, delete this part)

•What’s your favorite food from where you were born? And what’s your favorite food from some place else?

My favourite food from Poland, huh? I love a lot of Polish foods, but I if I had to pick something it'd probably be krówki [which translates to 'little cows']. They're fudgelike candies, similair to Scottish Tablets and White Rabbit Creamy Candy. They're delicious.

For food from a different country? @nova-leaf has put the idea of Shortbread into my head now so that's all ill be thinking about I have to see if I have the stuff to make some at home or I'll go insane.

•What’s your favorite drink (if you drink alcohol, alcoholic and non-alcoholic)?

Alcoholic: Salty Caramel flavoured Krupnik. It is very difficult to explain what a Krupnik is? Its kind of like a liqueur.

Non Alcoholic: Orange Juice. It used to be diet coke but my addiction got so bad i had to quit cold turkey lest I completely wreck my health.

•Do you give your pets random table scraps?

Not random table scraps, but if I have any extra of whatever I'm cooking, and if they can eat it, I'll sometimes give them some as a snack or as an incentive while training them.

Thanks for the tag honey!

Tagging: @linnorabeifong @thatoneguy56fanfic @novaae @thenamescaba

#tag game

[buckttommy]

this is about ryan + 2020

i came across the full transcript of the live where he admitted to using slurs (wasn't looking for it) and finally read the whole thing, and like? yeah. slurs are bad. you should not fucking say them. period. but also? that wasn't the whole live. that wasn't even half of what he said lmao. the transcript was four pages long, and the first 2 1/2 were literally all about his support for the black community. i didn't know what to expect when i started reading it, mostly like some peace and love bullshit (and there was some of that there because he's a fucking hippy i guess), but 98% of the live/transcript was just total recognition of the fact that systemic racism exists, he believes in/understands/supports black anger, etc etc.

so how that turned into the fuckin like. Ryan is The Scum of The Earth brigade is so far beyond my comprehension. i'd seen his admission before, and i knew it was bc he was coming out in defense of his wife, but i'd never read the whole thing and reading the whole thing i'm just ???????????????? like, yes, slurs are bad but you'd think man's was livestreaming from a trump rally with the level of hatred and controversy that followed. i mean, damn, it's been two years and i don't think most people even remember why they're mad anymore except for the fact that Ryan Is Racist but. like. he's not?

my opinion still stands. if you're poc, you're allowed to feel HOWEVER the fuck you want about him. but reading the full thing and then looking at all the white people who immediately jumped on and are STILL on the "ryan is a piece of shit" brigade...... i've always thought it was giving racism masquerading as social activism but mmm yeah, it's DEFINITELY giving racism masquerading as social activism

on a side note, i'm patting myself on the back cause when i was high on some sedative i had to take a couple months ago, i scrolled through his instagram in the middle of the night and was like huh he carries himself like someone who came up around a lot of black people but i didn't say it out loud because there wasn't anything confirming that and i was probably wrong and also i was high lol. but i WASN'T wrong bc he literally said in his live that the black ppl in his circle helped shape him into the person he is today (paraphrasing) but wow i fuckin called that one i loooove being sexy and right all the time

anyway, i'm not answering a bunch of asks about this because the conversation has already been beat into the earth, i'm just so confused as to how we got to this point lmao.

#jack.txt #this is not discourse #i'm not making this post for discourse #and i will not respond to any discourse #ryan guzman #rg discourse #one and done