#wow.. i forgot i started it in (late) 2019

[georgiapeach30513]

Hi Peach! Mrs. Pasta checking in <3

Oh silly silly Justin Timberlake. You know, I grew up with NSYNC and always for some reason did not like JT. All the girls in my grade were obsessed with him but I was actually team JC.

I don't care enough about the man to have any hate for him but I do think...his ego clearly cannot deal and it's finally catching up to him though it should have caught up back when he left Janet Jackson out to dry all those years ago. She was embarrassed and disgraced and he got to go on and be Mr. Sexyback. I'm glad BRITNEY of all people gets to serve him his humble pie. YAS Queen!

Sidenote: Jessica Biel Timberlake. I used to watch this woman in her prime during 7th Heaven and then her solo movie career days. Ironically I never knew she dated Ramen for that long but she was THEE It girl back then. Wow. And now....damn. She must really love this noodle haired nasal voiced man child that much to be still up his ass after all that's happened. Anyone remember the Alisha Wainwright drama? Ride or die I guess...SMH

Lastly, I'm actually really glad Ramen eventually got famous on his own and without the help from his much more famous gf at the time. GOOD for him! It took him quite some time because my first ideation of him was in 2004 in FF and then I forgot he existed until 2019. And then boom - he was suddenly everywhere. For someone who did not follow the MCU - he never really made it on my radar so even though I was always aware he played Cap I continuously forgot about him. Sorry Ramen! I was actually surprised he appeared to blow up after he stopped being Steve - for the general public. Between 2019-2022 it was something else. That and counting his own (at the time) extremely passionate fanbase, it really felt cool to see someone come up this far. A friend of mine actually mentioned last year "he got so much hotter now, way more than he used to be." I feel like he's a late bloomer in Hollywood terms. Contrary to some naysayers and "tarot readers" I don't think a resurgence is out of the question. And I DO hope he gets more work.

I wish him - and you and your followers - the best! Stay safe y'all!

Hey, Mrs. Pasta! Glad you ventured back here.

I gotta tell you, I’m tired of Mr. JT. I was a huge NSYNC fan and he was my top favorite. That shine faded quickly after his debut album, and with the second album he was still singing about what Britney did. That man has just always wanted attention and he didn’t mind which woman he stepped on as a rung on that ladder.

As far as top Ramen goes, we know he can act and act well and get praise outside of Marvel, Knives Out. But it’s a shame to see him deduced to a meathead action star and a husband that never smiles unless he’s alone. But I digress, that’s neither here nor there. It was refreshing to see him laugh, be goofy, and even walk with his head held high with politicians, even the President. Guess he wasn’t too afraid of meanies to meet with fans.

I’m very happy about Honey Don’t, and I’m excited to see what else is in store for him. I have a feeling he’s going to have a very busy year. And he started off January with a movie announcement and working back with ASP. It’s good to see him in his element and not to see him so stern or miserable.

#Mrs. Pasta

[saph-yells-into-the-void]

i remember seeing the trailer for toh back in late 2019.... and thinking that it was interesting, but it was on disney channel so i forgot about it...

then the pandemic started. steven universe ended and I wanted another show to obsess over. so I started the owl house.. it had its flaws but it had heart.

long story short, i fell in love with it.

5 months of my life was dedicated to this show. the community was small back then, but over time, it grew. season 1b episodes started dropping. i remember freaking out when i saw lumity becoming canon before my very eyes, and other people were too. adventures in the elements, understanding willow, grom, the first day, everything. in a time of uncertainty and fear, with the lockdown and school going online, this show kept my life upfloat.

then season 1 ended, and the haitus started. I slowly moved onto other obsessions. schools started opening up again. we could go out and be in public. but still, i always came back to this show.

now, 3 years later, on the 8th of april, it has ended. it had really ended. 3 years is too short for how incredible this show was, but wow was it a wild ride.

thank you the owl house for being fucking incredible, for coming into my life at the best time and helping so many people, for being the queer rep young lgbt kids needed. thank you dana for fighting tooth and nail to give us this one hell of a show, thank you every single person on the staff who helped make this show come to life in spite of every obstacle.

and most importantly, fuck you disney.

#i-i just have feelings man i dunno.... #to see this show start and end... i never experienced that before and fuck bro. does it punch you in the gut #this is cheesy but idgaf #i shall allow myself to be cheesy and cringe today #toh #the owl house #toh spoilers (?)

[eirenical]

OK, so I’ve been thinking a bit about how I fell into c dramas lately.  Because I can’t seem to make the timeline make sense in my head.  And after much research this afternoon, I think I’ve finally figured out why: the pandemic really has just entirely fucked with my perception of time.  O_o;;;

I keep thinking that I just got into DMBJ like... “last year.”  It FEELS like it should have been last year.  But after that one WiP Title meme response, I was abruptly reminded that I was just getting into HeiPing almost exactly a year ago... and that was at LEAST a year after first getting into DMBJ.  So I did some looking.

I reblogged my first TLTR posts in mid-late July OF 2020.  Definitely NOT a year ago.  XD  And I caved and got an iQIYI subscription around the end of July/beginning of August of 2020 to watch it.  So it’s been like... 2 1/2 YEARS, not ONE year.  OTZ

Thanks pandemic... everything that happened around when you started was “a year ago” I GUESS???

Then I got curious about when I first got into c-dramas, because in my head that was “a couple of years ago” but CLEARLY IT WAS NOT.

My first tagged The Untamed post was from November of 2019.

...............REALLY.

I’m almost certain I started watching that in the summer of 2019.  But either way, it was only a YEAR (or less???) from my first forays into c dramas to landing in the DMBJ pit?

No WONDER my mental timeline construct on that one is so fucked up.  I was so sure I was in TUD fandom for longer than a year before branching out into Guardian and I was sure I was in Guardian for at least a year before stumbling into DMBJ but CLEARLY THAT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE CASE????

OMG, I am so confused.  O_o;;;

I was writing (and posting) Legacies Lost up until the first full semester of lockdown began, which would have been Fall of 2020.  And I don’t THINK I was in Guardian fandom before that?  Maybe I overlapped more than I thought?

...my first Guardian post was May of 2020, but I’d clearly been watching for at least a little while by the time I reblogged that post.

I am SO fucking confused, you guys.  I REALLY THOUGHT I was in c drama fandoms for much much longer before landing in DMBJ.  HOW IS THAT SO CRUNCHED AND CONDENSED???

Ooooooooooh.  OK, I see.  I forgot that the summer of 2019 was Rocketman summer.  And I was definitely NOT yet in c drama fandoms at the time.  But now I remember that a friend was putting The Untamed on my dash for at LEAST 6 months to a year before I started watching it.  That might be why it seemed like it was longer.  And I guess I really must have overlapped more between Guardian and TUD than I thought I had.  The tipping point to me posting more Guardian stuff was in June of 2020 and it was a month after that that I fell into DMBJ.

WOW.

Sorry guys; probably no one cares, but this is weirding me out a little.  XD  All this time I really thought I was in Guardian fandom for way longer than DMBJ but APPARENTLY NOT???  I’m so confused.  XD

OK.  I’m gonna go... toddle off and think about other things now.  XD

#eirenical babble #eirenical blogs fandom #guys i don't even KNOW #my memory of these events is CLEARLY NOT CORRECT #but tumblr time stamps don't lie #I FEEL VERY WEIRD ABOUT THIS #XD #anyway #i'm going to go do something productive with the hour and fifteen minutes before dinner #OTZ #dmbj #guardian #the lost tomb reboot #the untamed #tumblr milestones #...I GUESS??? #c dramas #rocketman (2019)

[tnerb90]

Like the legend of the Phoenix...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...

Yes, it’s true. It’s been almost 2 years since my last post and here we go again. It feels like Into the Spiderverse. Let’s start from the beginning one more time....I wanted to create a new profile and start fresh, acting like none of the previous failures happened. I’m still tempted to, even as I write. 

But here we go again. I read through each and every post again, looking for patterns. Looking for strengths. Looking for lessons basically. So what happened? A fuckton of different factors, I’m sure. Underlying stress was a big one. I didn’t really acknowledge it much in past posts because I didn’t realize how drastic it was until I started my current job, outside of counseling. Since 2019 when I started...global pandemic. Fired from CHILL. Took 2 jobs that I flamed out on, including a DOH investigation and dealt with that for several months. More?... All the change at PV... Jessie leaving. Jone being fired. Peggy leaving. Desiree taking over as my boss.... also promotion to PHP Manager... burning the fuck out. Changing buildings.... A lot of stress. Looking back, it’s such a relief that I’m not there anymore. I quit PV in April 2022, so it’s been nearly a year now. Working at Conquest now obviously. From early on, I could tell this was a much better fit for me, and it continues to be. Especially stress-wise.... 

But the stress stuff was just underlying it all. Looking at my habits themselves, I can see a lot of areas for improvement... namely, the fad diet thing. I mean, I said it from day 1 that I’ve tried them all and nothing’s worked. So of course, I continue the same method again and failed again. Sure, I lost weight each time. But how sustainable was it? Obviously not very. Because I never once got below 300. Idk if that’s a mental barrier or what. But it sucks. I was doing so well. Got to 300 then gained it back + more. Then got to 302 or whatever...of course, I gained it back+more. Again. A -fuckin-gain.... Looking back, even though it felt like I was onto something (again, losing weight wasn’t the issue, I was doing it). But the method was unsustainable. Panicking over whether beans are too high carb. Sugar free italian ice...corn... chili...apples and honey on rosh hashana. Like come on man. You were doing great! Why was I so worked up about being perfect. It was such an unhealthy all-or-nothing mindset. I felt that if I wasn’t perfect, it was a failure. So one slip easily leads to “fuck it” I can’t do it! Or fuck it! Today’s ruined anyway, might as well start fresh tomorrow. Or monday. Or.... next year. Idk.

Ok, stress. Trying the same old methods/mindset. What else? I’m sure I started smoking again right after the last post. It was late July, early Aug when I got my card. So I’m sure that + the “promotion” and the shitshow that followed did it for me. 

What else?

I’m burying the lede here. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far this time, is I need help... I always do this shit alone. Because I’m afraid to be a burden on others. Or afraid that if I’m accountable to someone I can’t quit and ghost on myself. 

Okay. So those were the major lessons taken from a negative side. Now the positives.... in one of the previous posts, I had the eureka moment that should have always been obvious, but I guess I was in denial or something. I have a fucking eating disorder. BED? Sure. Regardless of the diagnosis, I overeat. Not just overeat. I eat to soothe myself. I eat as a coping mechanism. I can’t believe it wasn’t as obvious my whole life. Like wow. I was stressed AF. I ate. Then I was at peace on the couch. What a fucking concept. Really hard puzzle to figure out. 

(Sidebar- another negative I forgot to mention. I was so harsh on myself. I beat myself up for every little detail, mistake, craving, etc. so maybe I’ll trying being easier on myself, not bees a sarcastic ass like in the previous paragraph.)

Ok. Strengths. I understand now that I was using food to cope. It’s a huge development for me. Like Rogers said, now that I accept it, I can change it. Another thing positive, is I was journaling! I had an outlet! That was awesome. And apparently it’s still beneficial for me to look back on and learn from myself. My mindset. etc.  

So overall, I couldn’t handle my stress. I was using food to cope with that stress. I was being perfectionistic, all-or-nothing about it. I was being harsh on myself. Another thing I forgot to mention was how concerned I was at times with what others may have thought. So again, doing it alone. Hiding it from others. Ironically, I think I did that in order to feel like I wasn’t doing it “for them”. If I do it alone without telling anyone, I’m obviously doing it for myself right? Nah. I need support. Help. Accountability. All of it. And on my own, what did I do? Intermittent fasting. Keto. IF again...counting cals... keto again... Through these past few years, I was also so paralyzed by fear. I didn’t know what to do. I kept failing. I didn’t know what to do that would work... it was really scary for a while. I felt I needed bariatric surgery. I saw no hope otherwise. And the price was of course out of reach.... 

And here we are. March 1, 2023. Another do-over. But what else can I do? Stop trying? Give up? No. Like the legend of the phoenix, all ends with beginnings. So again, I rise and try again. Fall down 7 get up 8. To be continued in my next post above.

[atnaturesmercy]

jan 02, 2019 / mar 31, 2019. i wrote the second one the night before i woke up to a really stupid message and got so ill i had to cancel all three appointments that day.

#body image / #hospitals / #csa / #do not reblog because im very angry right now and its late at night lol #i know why i wrote the second one #and if i didn't sit down to write that i wouldn't be alive #wow i literally forgot 2019 was the worst year of my life (was in the ER on NYE so it started EARLY.) #like no contest this was. the worst fucking year ever.

[chikicha]

“Wow, I’m FINALLY done writing the latest chapter of my novel! I should check the properties to see when I started it and how long it--”

...NEEDLESS TO SAY, I AM NOW DONE WITH WHATEVER THE FRICK WAS GOING ON WITH ME IN 2020, AND THIS SHALL NEVER HAPPEN EVER AGAIN, EVER

#personal #writing #wow.. i forgot i started it in (late) 2019 #i thought i started it in 2020 #this wasn't even a tricky chapter either #there was no writer's block #i know chronic fatigue's been an issue but.. wow #on the bright side i'm confident there will never be a delay NEARLY this long ever again #because.. wow #(and yes this is just ONE chapter) #wake up call #..glad i transferred to a different workplace #'cause i feel like having to see men covered head to toe in their own blood and feces at work might've had something to do with this

[valenhell]

From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:

"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"

Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites. 

The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!

- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict.  - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no. 

Long fics

a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡

Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending. 

This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic. 

there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.

The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet. 

heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡

The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.

Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡

Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will. 

The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡

A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡

- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)

One-shots and short stories

Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.

Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.

102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes. 

sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers. 

kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings. 

will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.

The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?

neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it. 

Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.

I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not. 

Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗

You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.

Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised. 

Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute. 

you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable. 

you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it. 

okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay. 

can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it. 

even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.

clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!

I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡

#these are my all time favorites that i think you should read #it’s a good start #i've been putting together this post since friday #and i just realize that #apparently all of these have angst in some degree #who would i be if I didn’t read angst ajsjsj #but funny thing is that i try not to —but then the best stories are basically made of it #anyway #most of these are what I consider fandom classics #everyone in the byler fandom is so talented at writing😫💗 #is stonathan the actual ship name? lmao #byler #stranger things #byeler #byler fic rec #fic rec #ao3 #st #st.txt #me.txt #long post #stranger things fic

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

#eric scenarios #eric imagines #tbz eric scenarios #the boyz eric scenarios #tbz eric imagines #eric fanfic #tbz eric fic #tbz eric angst #eric angst #the boyz eric imagines #the boyz eric fic #tbz eric x reader #tbz eric x reader angst #tbz eric x reader scenarios #tbz eric x reader imagines #tbz eric x reader fic #tbz eric drabbles #eric drabbles #tbz eric one shots #eric one shots #the boyz eric x reader #the boyz eric x reader scenarios #the boyz eric x reader imagines #the boyz eric x reader one shot #the boyz eric x reader drabbles #eric x reader #eric x reader scenarios #eric sohn scenarios #the boyz eric #tbz eric

[my-tourettes-journey]

my tourette's story

so i've seen a couple other people share how their tourette's started and just their story with it, so i wanted to share mine. i'll put a keep reading thing here because it's gonna be a long post

so, the first time i really noticed my tics was right before 2020 started, so around autumn 2019, but now that i look back i remember friends asking me why i blinked so hard and i remember having some jerky movements and throat clearing in elementary. when i first noticed it though, autumn 2019, i was in 8th grade.

it started out with rolling my right shoulder, which i didn't even notice right away, but after a while i started to question it. i went up to my mom and told her that my shoulder was doing this thing, and she told me that it would go away on its own, so i left it at that.

throughout about the next two months i think, i gained more tics. things like blinking (which i think i had before but it was more dramatic this time), sniffing, eyebrow raising, nose twitches, and a hiccup noise. i looked it up because i was very confused, and i stumbled across chrysmuu_chan on tiktok, and found her video about the misconceptions of tourette's and what it is. if i'm being honest i was taken aback by it at first because i didn't know what it was and i had never seen it before, but as i learned about it more and more it because less shocking.

now i didn't really think i had tourette's at first, because at this point i had only known i had tics for about 2 months. i looked into other tic disorders and i thought it was just a provisional tic disorder at first. i genuinely thought it was just gonna go away within the year. also i forgot to add that by this point the pandemic had just started, so we had just left school.

about 2 more months pass, and my tics have just gotten worse. i developed painful neck jerks, arm movements, humming noises, and some words like "wow" and "hey". at this point i was concerned. it took a lot of bravery for me to go to my mom about it, and tell her what was happening. at this point i was already struggling with suppression, because i was so scared people would be mad at me for ticcing (i come from a place where i was yelled at very easily, so this made total sense in my mind), so i suppressed as much as possible.

when i told my mom, and asked to go to a doctor, things went completely wrong. she claimed that i saw it on tiktok and either developed tics from tiktok (this was before all of that stuff came up in the news, but right as tourette's was becoming more "popular") or i was just copying them on purpose. i told her that i didn't even know what it was when this all started, but she didn't listen. this hurt me beyond what anyone can imagine and it's part of the reason i still struggle with suppression.

i continued suppressing in front of my family and most of my friends, but i had one friend that i could just let go in front of. from here my tics dramatically got worse very quickly. i developed middle finger tics, yelling tics, and full body movements like jumping. i at this point i still thought that it could still be a provisional tic disorder, but i was also thinking it could be chronic. i still didn't think it could be tourette's because it hadn't been a year yet and i thought i developed it so late because i didn't realize the things i used to do were probably tics.

i remember the exact day i had my first coprolalia tic. i was in my friend's shed out in her backyard, and she was saying something, i don't remember what. out of nowhere, i say, "like my dad!". i don't remember the context, but i remember that it was inappropriate (quite funny though). we just laughed, but i was so shocked by what had happened that i thought about it for weeks. this was also my first sentence tic.

from there, it just went downhill. i had my first tic attack, which i actually didn't know was a tic attack at the time, and i filmed it to show people what tics were like when they're bad (so i actually caught my first tic attack on camera). at this point i was sharing my tics on my personal instagram account, so my friends knew what was going on but they never saw it in person because 1. pandemic, and 2. suppression.

i developed cursing tics from there, things like "fuck off" and "bitch", but also horrible things that i still feel bad for. (warning for people with tics for the rest of this paragraph, if you don't want to develop some pretty nasty tics i'd say just skip the rest of the paragraph). there was actually one time that me and my friend were doing the ABC challenge, and when she got to K, i said "kill yourself." i felt horrible. from then on, i'd say things like "jump" when we were waiting to cross the road and crossing bridges. i felt so bad, although i did have a funny experience. when me and my friend were crossing a bridge, i yelled "jump off the bridge, bitchcunt" which we laughed really hard about, but it was also humiliating. there was an old couple behind us that was shocked to say the least.

it was middle of 2020 at this point, i had tic attacks very often and i had a lot of bruises and scratches from my tics. the wildest part about this whole thing is that the only person that ever saw this part of me was that one friend. i had gotten so good at suppression that everyone else just saw head jerks, hand movements and facial tics. i hid pretty much all of my vocal tics. my mom didn't know about any of this. she knew i had tics, but not that they were this bad.

my anxiety was very high at this point in my life, and i was terrified to go in public with my tics, so i isolated myself in my room constantly. i would never turn my camera or mic on in zoom for school, and when i wasn't in school the only place i would go is to that friend's house, nowhere else. i wouldn't even sit in the living room with my family because i was so terrified of attention being brought on to me.

i don't remember exactly how my mom found out about my tics being this bad, maybe i told her, maybe my friend told her, i don't know. but she did. she agreed to take me to a doctor, who diagnosed me with a tic disorder, and referred me to a neurologist. at this point i was pretty sure this wasn't going away any time soon, so i prepared myself for a tourette's diagnosis. but now that i had some sort of a diagnosis, i felt more comfortable letting go in front of people.

i started ticcing more in front of family. not saying words other than "wow" and "hey", but ticcing more. it stayed that way for a couple months, until i think late 2020 (maybe late summer 2020) where i was officially diagnosed with tourette syndrome. it wasn't devastating and it wasn't shocking, because me and my family knew that's what it was at that point. my tics were so severe now that i could barely do simple things like laundry and had to drink out of a water bottle with a squeeze top so it wouldn't spill. i still hid in my room a lot of the time and suppressed basically 80-90% of my tics.

once 2021 came around, my tics started to die down. i still said words and sentences, and i still jumped around, but not nearly as severely and i didn't have bruises and scratches all the time.

i forgot to mention that in september, after i was diagnosed with tourette's, i started going to a partial homeschooling school in person. they were very accepting of my tourettes (even when i'd raise my hand in class unintentionally all the time). my anxiety, however, is another story that i won't get into right now because it'd make this story even longer.

when summer 2021 came around, things were going pretty good, tourette's wise. still a lot of suppression, but i was getting used to it. then i was put into an online ED treatment group, where i'd be online for about 7 hours a day, monday-thursday. i would stay there until right before christmas 2021. it was during this time that my FND symptoms developed, which is also another story for another time.

i missed a lot of treatment because of my tic attacks and FND episodes, but i'm glad to say that i have pretty much fully recovered.

things seemed to be getting much better, and my tourette's had actually gone down so much that it was barely there. i went back to school in september, tics still obvious but not that bad for me. it stayed like that for half of the school year. i started giving presentations about tourette's to my classes, and that's where i found my passion for spreading awareness.

i went into full-time high school halfway through 10th grade, and my tourette's was swinging back up again, but not nearly as bad as it had before. it was manageable, although i did get stared at a lot in school. i started suppressing less around friends, but still suppressed around family and in school.

right now nearing the end of 10th grade, i'm going off of one of my tic medications and my tics are higher than they've been for the past year, but are still not as bad as they were in 2020, and i have accepting people around me. i have this blog too.

and that's where i am right now. i still have stuff to work on and i still struggle, but it's better than it has been. and i can drive! i was worried i wouldn't be able to.

so yeah, that's my whole story, from beginning to now. sorry for the very, very long post, but i wanted to share this in detail for you guys.

#tourette syndrome #cw tics #tic disorder #tics #tourettes #actually tourettic #actually neurodivergent #sky's old blog

[caramelcoffeeaddict]

WIP Wednesday: Hospital Ward

I was tagged by @forabeatofadrum [Thank you for tagging me! :)]

If I'm understanding correctly, WIP Wednesday: Hospital Ward is where I share a sneak peek at some of my WIPs that have been sitting around for a while, but I fully intend to finish one day.

All stories contain a Klaine pairing. under a cut due to length...

Story #1 - Until The Sun Falls From The Sky

This is the story I'm currently focusing on. I began writing it in 2012. It's a soulmate!Klaine story with famous!Blaine. it (mostly) takes place during Kurt's senior year of high school. Blaine is a few months older than Kurt in this fic. [title is a lyric from one of my favorite Hanson songs "A Minute Without You"]

“Oh! I totally forgot introductions! I’m so sorry. As you are, hopefully, aware by now, I’m Blaine Anderson,” he said, pointing to himself with both hands. He then stuck out his cuffed right hand toward Finn and asked, “And you are?”

Finn reached to shake his hand, “Finn Hudson, and this is my brother…” he let go and pointed at Kurt. Blaine moved to shake Kurt’s hand. “Kurt Hummel. Pleasure to meet you,” Kurt said, with a bit of a smirk.

Blaine’s grip on Kurt’s hand tightened slightly and his eyes widened in shock. He swore that he could feel his Mark burning the skin underneath his cuff. “K-Kurt H-Hummel?” he stuttered, feeling slightly dizzy. His pulse quickened, and his heart started pounding loudly in his chest as he waited for a response.

Kurt stared confusedly at Blaine for a moment. “Yes?” he answered, timidly. “Is that a problem?”

Blaine glanced down at Kurt’s wrist and deflated a bit when he noticed that Kurt wasn’t wearing a cuff and saw no signs of a Mark. Maybe he imagined that burning sensation? That’s when he noticed he was still tightly holding onto Kurt’s hand, and regrettably let go.

Story #2 - Breaking Stereotypes

This is my rockstar!Blaine fic that I was really focusing on a lot in 2019. I stopped working on this story because I had begun writing it without any kind of plan/outline, and unfortunately I got to a point where I'm like "now what?". and until I figure out where I want this story to go, it's on hiatus.

Blaine waited until the man had finished ordering his meal before getting up and approaching him. “Excuse me,” he addressed the man he assumed to be Kurt. The man looked at Blaine with a surprised grin. Blaine smiled back and continued speaking, “Are you Kurt Hummel by any chance?”

Kurt nodded in confirmation. “I am. You must be Mr. Anderson?”

“Yes; but, please, call me Blaine. It’s nice to meet you,” he replied, as the two men shook hands. Kurt then retrieved his lunch order from the counter, and the two men sat down at the table that Blaine had been previously waiting at.

“You know, I think just realized why you looked so familiar to me when I first walked in,” Kurt said, realization dawning on him. Blaine smiled, bashfully, and ducked his head ready to confirm his identity as the frontman for Breaking Stereotypes, when Kurt continued, “You’re the man I held the taxi for yesterday.”

Blaine’s head snapped up and he looked at Kurt in shock, not expecting that answer. “Wait. That was you?” he asked. “Wow…You have no idea how much you saved my ass by doing that for me. My manager would have murdered me if I was late; so, thank you! I know I told you I owed you one, but I honestly can’t believe fate is actually giving me an opportunity to repay that favor.”

Story #3 - [untitled]

This is a highschool!Klaine fic. Kurt is a Faerie, and Blaine is a new transfer student to McKinley who takes an interest in him. I still don't have a proper title for this story yet though. Right now I just have it saved as Faerie!Kurt Fic.

Kurt Hummel was a telepath. Just one look at a person and he could see into their mind and their soul; he could hear their thoughts, see their memories, feel their emotions. Of course, this ability wasn’t something that could be seen; but it was part of the reason he was feared. In order for Kurt to ‘read’ a person, he needed to make eye contact with them. Whenever this happened, that person would feel a tingling sensation in their mind; as if they could feel his presence there.

But it was Kurt’s eyes that scared people the most. Kurt’s eyes were a bright violet color; a color that was unnatural for a human being to have. So even those that didn’t make direct eye contact with him were able to see that he was different. But none of them knew just how different he was. Only his parents knew the truth; that Kurt was part Faerie.

Story #4 - How Sweet It Is

This story was supposed to be written for a mini (5k+) Reverse Bang, but I unfortunately had to drop out before I could finish the story. At least two other people who had signed up, wrote fics for this exact same prompt & art, so I never felt pressured to finish it. It's about baker!Kurt, and customer!Blaine - Blaine goes to Kurt's bakery to order a wedding cake for Cooper and his fiancée, but Kurt thinks that Blaine is the groom until he actually delivers the cake at the wedding.

“Welcome to Hummel Cake Designs!” Kurt Hummel, the proprietor, greeted his newest customer. “Can I help you find anything today?”

The dark haired man looked around the bakery quickly before speaking. “Uh, yes, I have an appointment with a…Kurt Hummel,” his voice was lilting up in a questioning tone, “about a possible wedding cake commission.”

“That would be me,” Kurt answered, brightly. “You must be Mr. Anderson, correct?”

Mr. Anderson nodded, “Yes, that’s correct. But, please, call me Blaine.”

“Very well, Blaine; you can call me Kurt. Let me just get one of the girls in the back to cover the counter and then we can go speak in my office.” Kurt poked his head in through the door to the kitchen and called for Stacey to watch the front counter. When she appeared out front, Kurt walked Blaine over his office on the far side of the room.

Story #5 - Andy Hummel's Last Will & Testament

In this story, Kurt & Blaine are both college students living in New York, but they meet back in Ohio when they both attend the funeral for Kurt's Uncle Andy.

Blaine took a deep breath before he continued. “When Mr. Andy first got sick, I started going over to his house to do chores and yard work for him; do the laundry, take out the trash, mow the lawn, rake the leaves, shovel the driveway, etc., etc. Afterward, he’d always invite me in for coffee, and we’d just sit and talk. He always made fun of how much I would fawn over the espresso machine, and told me he’d leave it to me in his will. I always thought he was just joking around about that.

“I was so worried about him when I moved to New York back in August for school. He assured me that, in addition to the visiting nurse, he had other people nearby that could help out if needed; and that my education was too important to waste. But I made sure that I always made time to visit him and help out whenever I came home to see my parents,” he explained.

Okay...that's enough for now. Hopefully someday I'll get around to finishing these. But for now, I'm just going to concentrate on story #1.

#i was tagged #kiwi's writing #fic: utsffts #fic: bs #fic: hsii #fic: ahlwat #wip wednesday

[shoichee]

Since requests are open- can I please get a Murasakibara hc/fic (whatever works best for you babes!) with a shy and introverted S/O? Maybe a cute date that they do together? Thank you so much bubs ily 🥺🥺

Consider me your new friend in this lowkey dead fandom 🥺💖💖💖

hi!! let’s be friends together in this ghost town together HFUWHEIGJS thank you so much for requesting <33

Sweet Sample

Murasakibara x Reader

Word Count: 2019

»»—————　☼　—————««

How did you get yourself here?

You remembered being dragged around by Himuro in a blur of houses until you both, before you knew it, stood before his house that reeked “high class.” Before you can muster up any form of complaint that you (sort of) thought up of when you were dragged, Himuro ushers you in hurriedly. Even when he was in a rush, his movements were elegant and fluid.

“... a-ah, Himuro-san?” was all you muttered, but you only got a closed click of his bulky front door as a reply. You turned around to face a nonchalant ravenette shedding off his outer coats before he hung them on the racks next to you.

Too nonchalant, in fact.

You weren’t that close to him enough to warrant a casual visit to his home, nor did you have any reason to come here in the first place. Yet, Himuro looked as if you two had plans for the evening but that you somehow forgot that you had an arrangement with him in the first place. Plus, and probably the most crucial part that made this entire ordeal awkward to you, was that you’re dating Murasakibara. Anyone with common sense can see countless implications when someone is alone in someone else’s house, let alone dragged into one.

“U-um…”

“(Y/n)-san,” he smoothly interjects, nodding his chin to the racks to indicate for you to take off your outer layers as well. “If I may ask you something.” You only nodded in meekness as you tapped your left feet behind your right leg, a nervous tick you’ve always had since middle school.

“Have you ever gone on a date with Atsushi before?”

“E-eh?” You shot your head up to meet his accessing eyes, which, you noted, were filled with utter amusement dancing behind his pupils. “Well… we were planning to go out tomorrow on Saturday.”

“Is that so?” Himuro said, tilting his head, his bangs following the motion. He suddenly shot his head up as he made a sound, indicating that he remembered something.

“Ah, how rude of me—we’re still here at the doorway. Feel free to make yourself at home here. There’s some snacks on the table if you’re hungry, (y/n)-san.” Himuro gently guides you to the dining room, but all you could do was stiffly plop onto one of the seats at the edge of the polished table.

“Why are we… um, here? Where’s Atsushi?” you finally mustered up the courage to speak out the most important questions prevalent in your mind.

“Don’t worry about Atsushi,” he reassured. “I simply told him that there were several local food festivals near Akita and that you were there too.”

“B-but I’m not though—”

“That’s the point,” he sighed. “I needed to talk to you, and I know you don’t talk about your relationship out in the open, so that’s why we’re here.”

“That’s…” … so many leaps of logic.

Leave it to Himuro Tatsuya for his outrageousness sometimes.

“Er, what is it you need from me, Himuro-san?”

“Just wanted to check up on you guys since it’s been almost a month since you guys became an item.” Himuro pushes the bowl of snacks from the center of the table to within hand’s reach. You note the tacky colors of the packaging of umaibo sticks, Murasakibara’s favorite, and you let out a tiny smile. Typical.

Himuro doesn’t fail to catch your change in facial expression. “I guess from that face you’re making, it looks like everything’s going well. I guess I didn’t have to worry so much after all.”

“Wh-what?” you said, breaking out of your short daydreaming. “How s-so?”

“You know how Atsushi is,” he sighed. “He’s not honest with himself and he’s not the best at talking, and personality types like yours would normally annoy him, let alone actually getting him to listen to them seriously.”

“Well, lately he’s been considerate of me,” you bashfully said, averting your eyes. “We can just, um, understand each other without talking much… but thank you for looking out for us both.”

“You said you were going on a date tomorrow? Where to, if I may ask?”

“D-d-date…” you turned cherry-red at the thought of hanging out with your boyfriend outside of a school setting for the first time. “Well, um, nothing big… we’re just um…” You paused.

“(Y/n)-san?”

“Um… going to all the local groceries and supermarkets for f-free samples.” Himuro, who had been patiently waiting for your answer with his head on his propped arm on the table, doubles over in surprise.

“Seriously? You’re not going to a café or walk around in the shopping district? Not even a park?”

“W-waahh!” You firmly shook your head “no” repeatedly as you brought up your hands to wave side to side to emphasize your point in front of Himuro. “N-no way!—there’s too many people there that are always staring because of Atsushi’s height, so…”

“Ah.”

“Besides,” you started. “He finds it annoying to deal with people too, and he wants free food, so I feel like… he’d be happy if we go for these samples tomorrow… there’s less people overall, too.”

“Let me guess,” Himuro slightly smirks. “You’re going tomorrow with super casual clothes.”

“Y-yeah, um, is there something wrong?—um, Himuro, you have a… very scary look… socanipleaseleavenow?—WAH!”

———

How did you get yourself here?

You were all dolled up and dressed up today as per Himuro’s insistence.

Yesterday evening, he dragged you again out of his house to do literal last-minute shopping for your date. You kept telling him that it wasn’t such a big deal, but you couldn’t fight back against the mischievous glint he had in his eyes. You knew that he wanted Murasakibara to have a reaction when he sees you, and deep down, you were giddy at the thought of seeing Murasakibara in your new clothes too.

But still, that cunning bastard.

As soon as the two of you returned back to his house with the bag of the purchases, Himuro swiftly pushed you to the bushes in an attempt to hide you when he saw Murasakibara stomping his way.

“Muro-chin! Chibi-chin wasn’t there at all!” he huffed.

“Ah, but I thought I saw her,” Himuro feigned, tapping a finger to his chin. “I think she probably went home, after all.”

“Tch.”

After that ordeal, Himuro finally insisted to walk you safely home and MILDLY threatened you to wear the hand-picked clothes for tomorrow. You didn’t have the voice to object at all this entire evening, but you knew Himuro only wanted the best for you.

You sighed as you tried to smooth out nonexistent wrinkles for the seventh time out of nervousness. You’re just going to some supermarkets, right? There’s nothing to be scared of. Not at all. You shop for groceries every week, so it’s not like you’re going on this date completely blind.

You fiddled with the strands of your hair, twisting and pulling it down to busy your hands. You probably ruined the hairdo you painstakingly spent an hour on, and your nervous sweating probably completely drenched you like a soaked rat. That’s what you imagined anyways.

“Chibi-chin?” At the sound of his lazy voice, you whirled around to see a cozily-dressed giant of your boyfriend. But you immediately stopped in your tracks out of self-consciousness when you saw how Murasakibara’s eyes widened completely at the sight of you. Both of you looked like deer caught in headlights. “... what are you wearing?”

“U-ummm…” you stammered. “Uh, um, we’re… on a date, r-right?!”

“Hnn,” was all he said, but from the way he pouted his lips and flickered his gaze from your figure to the side constantly, you knew he liked what he saw. His hands were jammed into his pockets, and he just stood there dumbly like a street pole while his eyes kept stealing glances at you.

This was so embarrassing, you were going to die from all the flush in your face from the curious glances from bypassers and the shy stares from Murasakibara. All you could do was stare at the floor, hoping you could disappear and teleport back to your house to change.

“Ah!...” You felt a heavy weight draped over your back as a shadow loomed over. You looked up to see Murasakibara, frowning with equally red cheeks. You turned to look at what was on your shoulders. “Is that… your jacket, Atsushi? D-did you not lik—”

He doesn’t give you time to finish because he’s tugging you along with his ginormous hand, while you were tailing behind, careful not to trip on your new shoes and not to let his jacket fall off of your body.

“... I don’t like it when other people see you like this.” You can only imagine the most adorable pout he had on his face based on the sulkiness you heard from his voice when you stare at his back.

“D-do you want me to dress like this again?”

“Hnn.”

You knew that he meant, “yes, but only for me.”

———

“Atsushi,” you tugged on his sleeve, pointing to a sample stand. “They’re giving away red-bean mochi…”

“Okay~” he drawled, always making sure that your hand was linked with his as he tugs you closer to the food.

Honestly, while your attire with Murasakibara’s absurdly huge jacket attracted way more attention than if you just took off his jacket in the first place, you felt like you were protected in a haven. You don’t know if it’s because of the oversized coziness or his scent, but all you know is that you don’t feel as overwhelmed as you normally do when you’re in large crowds. Still, Murasakibara does most of the talking for you.

“Would you like to try a sample?”

“Yup… one for Chibi-chin too.”

“Wow~ you two are a couple? You guys look so sweet together!”

“A-ah, um,” you timidly spoke out. “Th-thank yo—wha?!” Murasakibara was already tugging you away, with his other hand holding both of your samples.

“You don’t have to talk if it’s bothersome.” He looks over his back to you. “Let’s eat here.”

“Thank you, Atsushi,” you said, gently smiling at his roundabout kindness. “I’ll take this mochi.”

A giant kid and a kid half his size eating powdered flour desserts in the corner of a supermarket doesn’t sound remotely romantic on paper, but for you, it was more than enough to give you fuzzy butterflies.

“Oh, Chibi-chin,” Murasakibara called out to you. He leans down to the level of your face.

“A-ah, wh-what is it—?”

He gives you a gentle kiss before he licks off the white flour besides your open lips, all while maintaining eye contact. It only takes a few seconds for the entire moment to register in your head.

“Wh-wh-wha-what are you doing?!”

You push at his cheeks and softly beat at his chest in embarrassment in a poor attempt to gain physical distance, and Murasakibara happily smirks at your feeble efforts.

“I kissed you, obviously.”

“Sh-shhhhhh! Not so loud!” You try to muffle his mouth, but you only feel his lips curve into a wider smile at your flustering. He easily swats your hands away before he gently grips them together with his own.

“Chibi-chin, that’s so cute,” he said, with full intentions to get you embarrassed even more as he stares intently at your face.

“C-can you not?” was all you dumbly said as you tried to look anywhere but his face. As cute as you were, Murasakibara wanted your eyes on him at all times. So what does he do? He pecks your lips again.

“H-hey!! What did I just… say… um…” You hastily looked around your surroundings again.

“No one’s looking though.”

“That… that doesn’t mean you should do it out of nowhere!”

“But you’re the best free sample I’ve ever tasted.”

“Wh-wh-wh-what?!”

Murasakibara might’ve hated people like you in the past, but now, he finds utter joy in getting you absolutely flustered because of him, and him only. He can’t help that you’re too sweet for him to resist, after all.

#ask #anon #knb #knb fics #knb scenarios #murasakibara atsushi #murasakibara #murasakibara x reader #murasakibara atsushi x reader #himuro tatsuya #knb fluff #kuroko no basket

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 3/8

Chapter Summary:

Rain... Fireworks... Romance?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82052251

April 15, 2021 - 7:00

Loki, his heart pounding, approached the mailbox whose flag was raised.

He opened it and unfolded the small note with trembling fingers.

Thank you for this lovely attention. I haven't stopped wearing it since I received it.

You tell me that this connection with me allows you to open up to others and not feel alone anymore and you ask me if I want to continue this correspondence?

I don't want to stop either!

I don't know if we'll ever meet, but I want to continue to get to know you and for you to get to know me.

Tell me what you like.

Yours, Mobius.

Loki breathed a sigh of relief, put the letter in his pocket and left. He would have to work before he could write. This was no longer a matter of a quick word, he wanted to take time to think before he wrote.

As he walked through the school gates, although he loved his job, for once he couldn't wait for the day to be over.

April 17, 2019

Mobius was sitting in what had become his special Loki spot, the armchair in front of the bay window, a steaming cup of coffee next to him, reading Loki's latest letter.

I love Norse mythology and my work.

My favorite cocktail is Gimlets, gin and lime.

This brings me to my favorite color: green.

I have a sweet tooth, I like all kinds of sweets and pastries, and on the other hand I also like everything spicy.

I like quiet evenings reading and listening to music.

I like Jane Austen, The Brontë sisters and Paulo Coehlo.

I like to use metaphors but I have heard that they are not always great.

And although I can't stand violence, I like daggers, especially old ones.

Oh and I forgot, I like the house on the hill.

Mobius promised himself to go and see in Sylvie's antique weapons store if she had any antique daggers.

I can't stand cruelty, condescension, and lies.

And although they are green I hate peas.

Mobius laughed at the last sentence, he finished his coffee and went to get his notepad to start writing.

April 19, 2021

Loki, sitting cross-legged on his couch with Croki's head on his leg, was reading Mobius' latest letter.

I like to take watches apart and put them back together, to see the mechanism inside. They are all different.

I like to walk in the streets of New York and discover places by chance.

I like to draw, or rather make sketches that I never finish.

I like whiskey, Jack Daniels, and occasionally a good glass of red French Bordeaux wine.

I like all kinds of music, but my preference is for jazz.

I don't like lies, preconceived judgments, and gratuitous meanness, well, just plain meanness.

And I also like the house on the hill.

How did you end up living there anyway?

Loki read the letter again, folded it up and put it in the little box with the others before going to bed and thinking about what he would answer the next day.

April 21, 2019

Mobius went out still in his robe because it was a day of rest. He was surprised to see that Loki had already answered if he was to believe the little flag. He refused to question the fact that his heartbeat had accelerated.

He went to get the letter, then read it in front of his breakfast, Croki at his feet.

I rented it after college. It was the strangest place I had ever seen. I couldn't imagine anyone building it. Or... I couldn't imagine anyone building it and not living in it. I liked the way it sort of...hovered over the water. I loved that path that led to it. I don't know why, it has a strange, timeless charm.

April 23, 2021

Loki, on break between classes, took the letter out of his pocket and read it again.

Yes, the fact that you have to walk so much to get to the front door and that it's uphill, it's like you have to earn the right to enter the house. Every time you enter the house, it's like you're embarking on a quest whose prize is the right to enter.

I'm sorry, I must sound eccentric.

April 24, 2019

During his lunch break, and all day, he read that simple phrase from Loki over and over again.

Don't apologize, you can be eccentric. You can be whatever you want.

Mobius had always felt different, both in his personal and professional life choices, and this simple phrase eased some of his inner struggles. He couldn't ignore the warm feeling in his chest.

*********

A few weeks passed. The wind was blowing violently on a late spring day in New York. Loki was walking rapidly towards the school. His phone started to vibrate in his pocket, he grabbed it to answer the call.

-Yes?

Loki lost the smile on his face.

-Look, this isn't easy for me either. You know that... no, I'm not mad that you called. I just... I'm sorry, I have to go to work and I...

He was approaching the school and didn't want to continue this conversation as more and more students came in.

-I don't think that's a good idea. No. Sigyn, I'm asking you not to come. Because we need more time... Especially if we want to stay friends. I just don't think we should... look, I'm on my way to work, we'll talk about it. Bye.

Loki sighed, shaking his head as he walked through the large front door.

" Already feeling demotivated?" asked Natasha as she greeted him with a smile.

"Oh no no!" protested Loki.

"That's good timing. Heimdall has caught the flu and we need someone to cover his classes while he's absent. Since you have an art degree, I was wondering if..."

"No worries! I'm happy to oblige."

"Perfect," Natasha thanked him, "You can check with the assistant about Heimdall's schedule and make arrangements then. Thank you Loki, really. If the exams weren't coming up, I wouldn't have asked you."

Loki replied, "No worries, really."

If anything, he was glad to see that even though he was the last one in and the youngest teacher, he was trusted.

At the end of the week, as he walked home with his arms full of groceries, he thought maybe he should have thought about it before saying yes.

Because he was exhausted.He hadn't realized how much time and energy it would take to handle two positions.

Fortunately, Heimdall was back at work on Monday.

Loki put his groceries in the car and thought he'd stop by the house on the hill before heading home.

When he arrived, the little flag was up.

He took the letter and opened it.

Hi, pen pal. You haven't written in a while. I hope all is well.

You actually I

This is ridiculous, just a few words to write and it makes me sound like a babbling teenager.

Well I'm writing it down: I MISS YOU

It was obvious that the last words had been written with force.

Loki felt a strange warm feeling in his chest. He had also hugely missed the correspondence, so he hurried to answer on the spot and put the letter in the box before going home.

**********

Parking the car in front of the mailbox, Mobius chose to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he saw the little flag raised.

He took the letter out of the box and once he got home, Croki fed, he went to his favorite place to read the letter.

It has been a difficult week.

I couldn't get away from work and only had the strength to go to bed at night. I can't remember the last time I looked up at the sky, or saw a damn tree. That's what I miss. The nature around me.

It's not so bad when I'm busy. It's when I have a minute to breathe, to look around, that it seems really hard. I wonder what I'm doing here, alone, in this gray city. I miss the trees.

PS: I missed you too

June 15, 2019 - 9:00 pm.

In the evening, Mobius left the house with a small tree in the pickup's trailer. He was driving towards the city.

June 15, 2021 - 9:30 pm

In the middle of the walk from school to his apartment, Loki saw the black rain clouds gathering in the sky. Suddenly there was a rumble of thunder in the distance and as he was on the home stretch, the rain began to pour.

June 15, 2019 - 9:35 PM

Arriving at 105 MacDougal Street - Greenwich Village, obviously still under construction, Mobius parked the pickup and pulled a shovel and the tree from the trailer. He began digging a hole outside the construction site that would become Loki's apartment building. Once finished, he began planting the tiny, fragile tree.

June 15, 2021 - 9:35 pm

Loki was completely soaked as he walked the last few yards to his front door. He struggled to find his keys, dropped them, and grew more and more frustrated as the rain poured down on him, when suddenly it stopped. He was baffled, as thunder and lightning continued to flash across the sky, and the rain continued to fall all around him, but not on him.

He looked up.

Above him were the dense green leafy branches of a young tree that formed a canopy swaying in the rain right above Loki. It hadn't been there a second ago, but now it was sheltering him, and Loki was stunned.

June 15, 2019 - 9:37pm

Mobius smiled as he swung the shovel into the pickup's trailer before heading home.

June 15, 2021 - 9:37 pm

Loki, overcome with emotion, broke into a smile and whispered to Mobius, even though he couldn't hear him, "Thank you."

Raindrops fell through the green branches as Loki danced under the tree, his face to the sky.

*********

2019 - A few days later

Casey stood on the small path in front of Mobius' house, "Wow!!!"

Mobius motioned for him to follow him inside.Casey entered, still stunned by the house.

"So, this is where you're hiding?"

Mobius replied with a smile, "Yeah.You want a beer?"

"Yeah thanks."

Mobius pulled two beers out of the fridge and they went to the chairs in front of the bay window and talked about the house for a while. Casey had lots of questions.

Casey took a sip and his face became more serious.

"Mobius. I didn't just come here to escape my pathetic existence in the city. I came to talk to you about TK and ask you to come back with us. We need you."

Mobius shook his head, "TK? Sorry Casey but no."

"I'm sure if you talked to her..." insisted Casey.

"Forget it.Ravonna doesn't want me to come back. I don't want to come back. Everyone's happier now."

Casey argued, "What about your work? Your work was awesome. Even she admitted that. Look, I know it's hard, but if you put your problems with her aside, you-"

"I said forget it." replied Mobius, this time with a sharp tone before softening, "Sorry. It's just... I like it here. And I like my job at the store."

Casey nodded and accepted the answer before asking, curious again, "Are you in a relationship with anyone?"

Mobius answered after a slight hesitation that didn't go unnoticed, "No."

"Why did you hesitate?"

"I didn't hesitate."

"Yes, you did."

Mobius insisted, "I...I'm not involved with anyone, okay?"

"Okay." replied Casey, who smiled playfully before continuing, "All I'm saying is that maybe you should think about the future."

Mobius began to laugh. He couldn't stop himself.

Casey looked at him as if he had gone crazy, "What?"

Mobius continued to laugh.

"What?"

**********

A few days later, with Loki's letter open in the passenger seat of his pickup, Mobius drove to the train station near Brooklyn College of Arts.

He parked, picked up the letter and got out, heading for the entrance to the station.

Around this time two years ago, I lost something.

In the Brooklyn train station.

I was going back to my parents and left it on the platform. See if you can find it for me. I won't tell you what it is.

Then put it in the mailbox. It's your mission if you choose to accept it.

Mobius could not resist a challenge. So he found himself at that moment looking for an object he knew nothing about. He walked through the station. There were a few people. He looked for a single man and saw none. Just a few families and an elderly couple.

He continued to search when suddenly, through the window overlooking the station platform, he saw a young man with long black hair get up and get ready to board the train.

Mobius wasn't sure if it was him, but he felt deep down that he was Loki, and he was amazingly handsome. Mobius hurried through the door and onto the station platform. He was about to head towards him when he stopped.

The young man had embraced a woman who had her back to Mobius.

They kissed and said goodbye.

Neither of them noticed that Loki, for it was undoubtedly Loki, had left a book on the bench behind him. Mobius saw it, but it would be awkward to approach and interrupt the kiss. He hesitated.

The train driver announced the final boarding.

Loki separated from the woman, obviously reluctantly, and boarded the train.

The woman Loki had kissed did not move and watched the train pull away until it was completely out of sight. He did not notice the book. Mobius watched him leave and once he was gone, he approached the bench. He looked at the book that Loki had left behind. It was a well-worn copy of Persuasion by Jane Austen. It had definitely been Loki.

********

Loki impatiently went to the mailbox, thinking that perhaps Mobius had already been to the station.

He opened it, and was disappointed when he didn't see the book and just a little note.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE 4TH OF JULY?

Loki, a little disappointed, answered immediately on the same piece of paper and just as he was about to leave, he heard the characteristic sound of the little flag being raised and went back to the box and opened it. He grabbed the small paper and unfolded it.

L: Going to the fireworks, I guess.

I go every year.  Why?

M: Would you like to watch them together? From the cliff. The fireworks on the lake are beautiful

L: I know, I watched them from the house the time I lived there.

You're not asking me out, are you?

M: No, no. I just thought it might be nice to do the same thing, that's all.

L: The same thing, two years apart.

M: It's better than staying home.

L: Okay. Let's go see the fireworks.

M: See you in 10 days then. July 4th at 10pm in front of the mailbox.

Mobius did not wait for an answer, and walked happily back to the house. Even though he had denied it, it still felt like a date of some sort.

The butterflies began to fly again.

July 4, 2019/2021 - 10:00 pm.

Two years apart, in the same place, Loki and Mobius sat next to the mailbox. Mobius brought one of the seats from the garden furniture and Loki brought an old folding camping seat in his car.

He is armed with his pad and pencil.

The strange and timeless conversation started again, always punctuated by the little flag that went up and down.

L: Did you go to the station? I never got my book.

M: Let me keep it for a while. I want to read it.

By the way, there's something I wanted to ask you.

Who was the girl at the station?

Your fiancée?

Why didn't you tell me about her?

Loki thought it sounded like Mobius was jealous, but didn't want to get the wrong idea.

L: You don't tell me about your love life either.

M: Because I don't have one unfortunately.

My God, I can't believe you didn't tell me you were married.

L: I'm not married. We broke up when I moved to New York.

I'm on my own.

The fireworks just started.

M: They started here too.

I'm sure yours are better, since it's supposed to get better every year.

L: Probably. Let's enjoy the sight.

Afterwards, during the fireworks, the flag did not move for a while. Then when the grand finale was over, and the silence fell, the flag suddenly rose, making Loki jump.

M: At the station, when I saw you... I didn't expect... I mean, you didn't tell me you were so gorgeous.

Loki read these words and could not suppress a small gasp of surprise. He looked around embarrassed even though he knew for a fact that no one was there.

L: Not fair.

You saw me but I still don't know what you look like.

Mobius ran his hand over his face and figured that since it was truth night, he might as well go for it.

M: You're right. I wouldn't mind knowing what I'll look like in two years. Why don't we meet in the future and tell me what you think?

Loki thought about it and then looked at his watch, it was 10:43 pm, he took a deep breath, suddenly excited and nervous

L: Why don't you call me on July 4, 2021 at 10:44 pm

As Loki finished the last line of the "4" the phone rang.

He almost fell out of his chair.

He steadied himself with a pounding heart and picked up, "Hello?"

________

Who is on the other end of the phone...?

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd and english is not my native language I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless🥰

#lokius fic #alternative ending #no powers au #loki #mobius m mobius #loki series #lokius #loki x mobius #time husbands #timefrost #developing relationship #penpal

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

 Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

#yugioh #ygo #yu gi oh #photo recap #recap #episode recap #yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba kaiba #Joey Wheeler #Apdnarg #Grandpa muto #tea gardner #tristan taylor #professor hawkins #and then I ranted about BTS #but please don't quiz me about BTS I know nothing about them aside from the music #I actually thought there were over 12 of them because every time I see them perform it feels like an entire stageplay production of people #like a 101 dalmations situation where every time I saw BTS there were 3 new people #I assumed it was like the Gorrilaz where people just show up and then disappear in a rotation #but no. There's 7 BTS members #that can't be right #there has to be more than 7 #is this a berenstein bears situation? #how is there only 7? #I swear there used to be like 16 #and they would be introduced like here's jimin and Jungkook and red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and pea #like is google seriously telling me there's only 7 kids in this band? #this is the biggest scam google has ever played on me #this weird alternate timeline that not only has an epidemic but also only 7 members of BTS

[zatyrlucy]

Hi. I'm fairly new to the hazbin hotel and helluva boss fandom. I just stumbled across them on youtube and fans seem to know about characters I haven't watched or seen on the animated series. I was wondering where I could find references or sources about the characters or the comics?

Hi!! Im so sorry, you sent me this question a while ago but every time I wanted to answer something always happened heh next time I will give you more priority I swear x3 

If you wanna know more about the show and the characters you can check Vivziepop’s account on Twitter (@/VivziePop) and Instagram (@/vivziebizzie). If you look at the list of people she follows you will find the crew members who also have good info about the shows. There are also Instagram accounts that are not canon but are made by the crew members so they give us a good clue about how the characters behave on daily basis: simply_moxxie, blitzorodeo and daddy_hoothoot.

I also have lists about the fun facts said on the streams since 2019, made by me or other fans. Those are full of info about the characters and the shows. Here are some:

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/180634184953/hey-guys-so-i-was-listening-to-this-recent

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/181853150153/well-there-is-a-lot-of-things-vivzie-said-about

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/183015795323/stream-things

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/183361186993/hi-guys-i-start-this-post-by-saying-the-latest

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/183178941953/just-two-things-i-forgot-to-mention-about-the-late

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/185145230138/qa-facts

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/186670153563/wow-it-has-been-weeks-or-months-since-the-last

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/186491387883/hazbin-stream-info

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/187345108153/hazbin-streem-7-info

https://zatyrlucy.tumblr.com/post/187157758108/vivzie-streem-6-information

Is not all of them because there is a lot xD but you can always look at my archive with the Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss tags for more. 

Hope that helps and welcome to the fandom!! ^^

#hazbin hotel #Helluva boss

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

#silm #silm fandom #silmarillion #fan culture #tmi anna #(for real this time sjdfhdkfh) #tefain nin #long post #anon #answers