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littlealeta · 2 months

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Ralph Breaks the Internet Review/Rant

When I first watched this film in 2018, I thought it was fairly decent. I was glad to finally see Wreck it Ralph again after 6 years. But even then, I still found it a disappointment from the first one. I hated how they did Ralph and Vanellope and I hated that Felix and Calhoun were barely in the film. Over the years, after reflecting more on this film, I realized that I might've been a bit too nice to it. So, I rewatched it again. And... yeah, it's pretty mediocre. It's still a fun time, especially for kids, but I wouldn't recommend it if you don't want it to ruin your love for the first one. I couldn't even watch the first one for years after watching this trainwreck.

This is going to be longer than some of my previous reviews because I have a LOT to say about this film, including spoilers. But you can always scroll down to the overall section if you want to see a concise version of this review.

Story

The film starts off nice. Ralph and Vanellope just hanging out in other games and talking. But, by the time the conflict comes around, the story becomes ass. Ralph and Vanellope break Sugar Rush by fucking around with a new race track Ralph created. They go through the Internet on a rollercoaster ride (using teleportation would make more sense). Then, they end up accidentally bidding 27,000 dollars for a new part at Ebay. So, now they have to gather up 27,000 dollars in 24 hours before the part expires when they could just wait for the item to expire and then re-bid. (Seriously, this whole movie wouldn't have happened if Ralph and Vanellope hadn't been idiots).

It doesn't matter, though, because Ralph somehow gets instant internet fame by making cringy youtube (called buzztube when youtube exists in that world for some reason) jokes and being a real life person somehow (that no one questions), ok. Why do we need a movie about the Internet with two characters from a movie about video games?

There are some cool concepts with the Internet, like the little avatars walking all over the place, the spamming, and Miranda Sings getting her ass kicked off by Ralph breaking her Internet. But then, there are also a lot of unnecessary Internet references. We see Google, Amazon, Twitter (with all the birds retweeting one post, like you could've had other posts instead of just retweets), Snapchat (which is an app), and Oh My Disney, which is just 5 unnecessary minutes of Disney kissing their own ass.

I will, however, say that the parody with the Disney princesses, the I Want songs, and how Vanellope interacts with the princesses (an atypical Disney princess, so you can imagine how well they bounce off of each other) is funny. The only problem is, they're just wrapped up in this terrible story. Like, if they kept the video game concept and they had something like Disney Infinity being one of the more wholesome games Ralph would send Vanellope to and then they meet the Disney princesses in there, that would be better.

The emotional scenes are just shit. Like, I can't NOT mention the contrived comment scene, the whole theme about friendship, and Vanellope glitching when she's insecure, how the fuck, lmao? The comment scene just came off like elementary school/middle school bullying instead of how people actually talk on the Internet. It gives me flashbacks of the 2011 film Cyberbully.

And the way the conflict gets resolved is shallow too, because everything is shallow in this film. I mean, "Don't read the comments"? I mean, it's kinda right for certain situations, but sometimes comments can be useful in helping you improve and seeing how other people see your videos. Sure, you should ignore bullies, trolls, and mean comments, but you shouldn't ignore every comment.

While the letting your friend go and follow their dreams message is a well-intentioned message to send to kids, the way they did it here is actually harmful and contradictory to the first film. I don't want to get too much into the characters because I have a special character section for them, so I'm just going to talk about the theme and how it relates to the world. Vanellope LITERALLY goes turbo. She ditches her Sugar Rush friends, players, and her game. Seemingly putting her friends and game in danger, yet no one questions it. I can't believe this was made by the same people who made the first.

In the climax of the film, Ralph releases a virus to protect Vanellope from the dangers of Slaughter Race. But somehow, it ends up detecting and copying insecurities? I mean, it's a cool concept, but it doesn't make sense when that wasn't even Ralph's intention to begin with.

And like a lot of things in this film, the way they resolved that conflict is anticlimatic. Supposedly, it's a symbol of the theme of the movie which is about letting friends go, which is fine, but why does it need to be in the form of a literal antagonist? Also, I feel like this whole thing is kinda breaking the Show, Don't Tell rule.

The movie also suffers from a lack of subplots. One particular subplot involving Calhoun and Felix was teased but then gets completely thrown out the window. It isn't really an original concept, but it still feels disappointing that they fucked it over.

Characters

Established characters barely even act like themselves. They say and do a lot of stupid shit. Like that contrived joke with Tron having a glitch (no pun intended) and they assume it's already fixed, but it turns out it wasn't fixed. That could've easily been rewritten as Litwak announced it was fixed, but it turns out it wasn't.

Dialogue is pretty bad, too. There's a lot of unnecessary Internet references, laughably idiot dialogue (mostly from Ralph) and a few potty humor that aren't even funny. Oh, and this movie is weirdly fond of philosophies too.

Why would Ralph be interested in a book club?

Ralph is now an idiot loser. He spends the entire film whining and crying about how Vanellope doesn't love him and his hair, even when she's saying nothing about him, it almost comes off as sus (I don't think I can say the actual word I'm thinking of). He says stuff like this.

Bitch, you could've said, "Why are you angry at the rainbow." HOW HARD IS THAT TO REWRITE, WRITERS?!?!

If Ralph just stayed the overprotective father that didn't want Vanellope to wander into dangerous games like Slaughter Race and be around sus people, that would be fine. But no, he gets upset because he and Vanellope were inseparable for 6 fucking years. That is just problematic in more ways than one. Like, Vanellope's your only friend? FELIX IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE! WTF HAPPENED TO YOU, RALPH?!?!

As for Vanellope, I think the concept of Vanellope getting bored with her game is a good concept to explore and would've been a good catalyst for character development, but here's the thing: SHE NEVER LEARNS. At the end of the film, she gets what she wants and RALPH has to be the one to learn something. Don't get me wrong, Ralph is also in the wrong for being clingy and not wanting his friend to leave his side for 5 minutes. But Vanellope was also a selfish, insensitive b!tch for putting her own game in danger and hurting her friends and her players (by the first movie's logic).

Now, on the positive side, there are some decent characters. Spamley, Yesss, the creepy Slug, Shank, and Knowsmore. Any new character in the film is amusing to watch.

Spamley is the spam junk guy. He's shady and wants to help Ralph and Vanellope get rich by looting from video games. I feel like this character could've probably been the antagonist as I always felt like he was going to backstab Ralph and Vanellope.

Yesss is the world-weary, aloof Youtube Algorithm with a loving side if she cares about you. It's how I'd imagine an Algorithm would act like if it was a person.

Knowsmore (who weirdly enough isn't google) also acts like how I'd imagine a search engine would act like. Saying what they think the other person is typing into the search engine.

The slug (I don't know if they mention his name) is aggressively creepy. He's the guy that Ralph buys the virus from. Fitting for how I'd imagine someone with a virus would act like.

Shank is the weakest of the characters because she's the one encouraging Vanellope to go Turbo, but she does have a cool personality. She may look slightly reminiscent of Calhoun, but she's not stern and hot-headed like her. Instead, she's easy-going, charismatic, and has some badass moves. I still like Calhoun better overall.

Animation/Music/Voice Acting

You can clearly tell it's a step up from the first movie. It's more fluid and cleaner. However, one thing I would like to complain about the animation is the way that some of the 2D princesses are translated into 3D. Ariel, Cinderella, and I think that was Tiana, look unrecognizable as 3D. Especially, Pocahontas, uh.

I think the voice actors were amusing to watch and portrayed their characters decently well. Sarah Silverman, however, felt somehow off to me. Like her voice is pitched up and she didn't really have as much range as she did in the first one, but it might just be the bad script and directing. Bill Hader, I thought he was great as Flint Lockwood and Fear, but his voice is a bit off in this film. Most of the time, he uses his Flint Lockwood voice (which I don't think really fits the character) and other times, he sounds different.

There's only two songs in there, one of them only lasts a second and somehow, it sounds better than almost anything about the full-length one. A Place Called Slaughter Race is not only Vanellope being a piece of shit, but it also doesn't sound particularly catchy. The melodies change like every minute and it's not even in a good way like Bohemian Rhapsody, it just sounds weird.

Overall

Ralph Breaks the Internet is just The Emoji Movie but a bit better. It does actually offer some creative things with the Internet. But it also could've done better in its portrayal of the Internet and that includes making the world feel more natural and cutting down the amount of Internet references (and there's A LOT).

The entire film wouldn't have happened if Ralph and Vanellope hadn't goofed off during work hours and forfeit the bid, but no. We GOTTA HAVE MEMES AND INTERNET REFERENCES FOR THE ZOOMERS AND ALPHAS!

BuzzTube and Knowsmore existing while Google and Youtube exists is weird. I guess they had some weird contract disagreements with these products?

There is little tension to be found as most of the conflict is resolved through anticlimatic and shallow dialogue and scenes and lame Internet jokes. And conflict is often started or ending with inconsistencies with the previous worldbuilding or with how the Internet really is.

There are barely any subplots in the film. One is teased, but never expanded upon.

Jokes are hit-and-miss. A lot of the dialogue felt unnatural and disgusting, often for the sake of making little kids laugh. Yet, the movie even tries to be r/I'm14andthisisdeep for no reason a few times.

Vanellope and Ralph are now almost completely different from how they were in the first film and of the two, only Ralph learns something and it's a pretty harmful message in the context of the film. However, I do like the new side characters. I personally think they should've done more with Spamley, but they all have fun personalities and act like how I'd imagine the Internet in character form would act like. And the parody with the Disney princesses and the interactions between them and Vanellope is actually creative to watch.

Animation is a clear step up from the first film besides the designs of some of the Disney princesses looking off. Voice acting was mostly decent except for a few characters sounding weird at times. Vanellope's I Want song is disappointingly forgettable.

Ralph Breaks the Internet gets 5.3 bells out of 10.

Also, why is it called Ralph Breaks the Internet instead of Ralph Wrecks the Internet? Ugh, they couldn't even get the title right.

Sour Bill is also one of my favorites and I would've loved to see more of him, too.

#ralph breaks the internet #wreck it ralph 2 #wreck it ralph #vanellope von schweetz #fix it felix #sergeant calhoun #shanks #review #rant

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sivyera · 2 years

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Dating Sergeant Calhoun would include...

PAIRING: Tamora J. Calhoun x fem!reader

WARNINGS: bad grammar, guns, killing cybugs

CONTAINS: fluff

SONG: Bad Blood - Taylor Swift

A/N: This woman needs more attention!

gif is not mine

this woman would protect you with her life

she can't lose you and if someone even dare to touch you, well the person is gonna be dead very soon

common training

she would be the one who asked you on a date and she asked you because she saw potential in you

she maybe look tough on the outside but she is soft on the inside, and broken

when she came from a long day killing cybugs only thing she wants is to be with you

at first she was surprised when you hugged her or suddenly kiss her but she gets use to it and now she can't start a day without your kiss

in 'work' she is always ALWAYS by your side, she is just scared that she will lose you

she is protecting you in your 'work' but in that way so no one know

one time a cybug attacked you and when she saw it she almost had a panic attack

she told you to took a week off so you can rest, and she took it with you

she loves teasing you

soft kisses on your neck, her hands slowly travels to your hips etc..

she also loves having you on her lap

sneaky kisses in 'work' which no one sees or she will slap your ass, secretly ofc

her favourite part of your body is your ass or your thighs, she can't decide

she loves when you play with her hair and when you wash them for her

she just loves your touch

Tamora didn't sleep too well when she was single because she was always little scared that cybog would attack her but when you two start dating, she finally could have a good sleep

but she always has to hold you in her arms

she won't be a little spoon

but she loves being the big spoon, you feel so tiny in her arms and she can reach every part of your beautiful body

I think that Tamora can't cook and that means you tried to teach her

you two baked some small cake or muffins, the kitchen was a mess but you two had fun

she will let you paint her nail but on some dark color like black or blue

she is not good with her words but she is excellent in her actions so if you need any help, she would do her best

overall she just loves you more than anything

#Dating Sergeant Calhoun would include...#dating calhoun would include #wreck it ralph #wreck it ralph 2 #wreck it ralph calhoun x reader #sergeant calhoun x reader #tamora jean calhoun x reader #tamora calhoun x reader #wreck it ralph x reader #wreck it ralph imagine #calhoun x reader #x fem!reader

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