Abi’s weekly Destiel fanfic retreat!
kissing is the most fun dean winchester can have without taking his clothes off (but it’s better if he does)
Dean should've kissed Cas before the empty took him...
Finally, he gets another chance.
tags: non-graphic smut, post confession, sex in the impala, top Cas/bottom Dean.
you can read this drabble on ao3, or below!
Kissing has always been instinctual for Dean, it follows a rhythm.
Firstly, you meet someone. They’re hot; they get you buzzing in all the right ways and maybe you buy them a drink. Soon enough, their touch comes and the night is written in the way they soften their eyes.
A move is made, often by Dean, but sometimes he’s just along for the ride.
Sparks fly, kisses deepen, the desire to tighten and feel and pull becomes overwhelming, then it’s kaboom; over and adios.
He was used to it.
But somewhere along the road, he stopped wanting it and never bothered to question why. Hell, it was easy to blame age and hunts, until the reason—the real reason—was swallowed by a chasm right in front of him.
It’s hilarious that life is often a bag of dicks like that.
There was a list of questionable people he'd kissed—demons, Sammy’s girlfriends, his Dad’s past hookups, djinn nightmares—but his biggest regret was the one that he didn’t.
The one that got away.
Thinking about Castiel like that goes deeper than any touch he’d ever experienced, and he does think about it. In fact, he thinks about it most nights until the whiskey knocks him out. It hurts more than every cut, bite, or broken bone, because Cas was the one that got away, and Dean didn't do squat to stop it.
Which is why he’s here now. Why he’s followed every lead he could find, made as many deals as he could, and ended up right where all this started. An abandoned fill up joint in a town nearby to Pontiac, Illinois, with nothing but disbelief in his eyes.
“Dean.” Castiel murmurs his name, low and quiet, and for some reason it feels like nobody has ever said it before him, and nobody ever will again.
Fuck, it feels good to hear his voice.
Dean walks up to him before he can stop himself, grabbing him with one hand and pulling him into a hug. It’s really him, his body has weight and his chest moves with each movement of his lungs. He’s warm too, his breath catches on Dean’s neck and leaves goosebumps in its wake, and he curves inside Dean’s arms, because he’s real.
Over and over again, for nine months, Dean clutched and grasped and was defeated at every turn, waking up in cold sweats with empty liquor bottles littering his bedroom like a friggin’ glass recycling plant.
He had tried to move on; sought a normal life for Cas. He couldn’t do picket fences, but he could help Sam put up his. They’d toasted to him most nights, until the weeks grew into months, and suddenly Dean found himself alone in the bunker. Raising a glass to the love that only he knew he’d lost.
Sam’s invites came every day, they still do, but Dean wasn’t gonna blacken his brother’s days with Eileen. He was happy, and he deserved every second of it.
Cas rests a hand on Dean’s back, reigniting the familiarity of this; of being held by him. Nobody ever warns you when it’s the last time, when to memorise how gentle or rough they are, how warm or cold, or if they use fingertips or the palm of their hand to hold you to them.
This hug is light. Cas doesn’t squeeze or grip too hard. Probably afraid; worried about everything he said the last time they saw each other.
But he doesn’t need to be.
Dean closes his eyes, nestling into the crook of Cas’ neck. He breathes in the smell of smoke and wood and something he never could put his finger on, and it’s so Cas. He chokes, twelve years hitting him hard and fast; the tear rolling down his cheek doesn’t even register.
“I’m sorry.” Dean says under his breath and with a tremble on his voice.
“You have nothing to apologise for,” Cas replies quietly. He’s still holding tension in his body. Uncertainty, maybe. It’s a barrier between them, one Dean could knock down if he could just clear his head. But all he feels is Cas. All he knows is that Cas is here, in his arms, and he ain’t ever letting go.
“I missed you, man,” Dean says with a fraction of how bad he actually means it. Needing to be as close to him as he can physically get, he squeezes. If Cas didn’t come with the strength of an angel, Dean would’ve probably crushed the life out of him, wanting every bone to connect and fuse.
But Cas can take it, he can take every bit of Dean and then some; he’s proved it time and time again.
“I tried to get you out.” Dean says with the anger of someone who is being questioned, except nobody is asking anything of him. But Cas doesn’t know, he doesn’t know how hard Dean tried, how badly he wanted him here. He doesn’t even know why Dean’s stomach is upside down and trembling.
“Dean—”
“And I never, never, stopped loving you. Not once.”
Cas freezes in his arms, but Dean can feel the hard swallow down his throat that comes with hearing the admission. He doesn’t ask Dean to clarify, because he’s good like that, he knows Dean inside out. Accepts that Dean won’t wanna talk about this, what Dean wants is to do something about it.
Their grip naturally loosens enough for their eyes to meet, and Dean’s breath hitches at the sight of him. He's flesh and blood. His big, blue, open eyes staring as deep as they always do. Soft at the corners, curious at the center; he blinks because he’s alive, and narrows his eyes.
“You…you’re a son of a bitch, you know that?” Dean asks, moving a hand around Cas’ neck and triangling over his face. Checking for the final time that he’s real. “You don’t tell a guy all that and then leave.”
“What else was I meant to do?”
Dean hears his cue, taking a deep breath and wetting his lip. “Take a guess,” he replies.
“Dean—”
On second thought, Dean does it for him. Cutting him off like he should’ve done a year earlier. Stops him from saying anything that might detour things to a place where they're no longer touching, because that would be wrong.
It’s somewhere around the realisation that Cas is kissing him back that his brain slows down, and his body takes over.
There’s the drum of Cas’ heart against his, a rapid beat that is felt in the way their lips harden against each other. Not with disinterest, but with too much. His hands have already bunched up the fabric of Cas’ trenchcoat from where they’ve taken residence on his hip, and he’s white knuckling to stop his knees from buckling.
They move into each other, and Dean's acutely aware that it’s Cas’ nose pressed against his own, and the roughness on his cheek is from the stubble along Cas’ jaw.
Fuck. He’s kissing Cas. This isn’t some dream, it’s real.
“Cas.” Dean mumbles his name, leaving their lips touching—not wanting to venture too far in case they’re ripped apart.
“I know,” Cas replies. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Dean kisses him again. He kisses him pressed up against the Impala, with none of his blood available except for what's now in his pants. He'd be embarrassed, maybe, if Cas wasn't pressing into him twice as hard. He kisses him in the backseat, with hands interlaced and skin on skin. He kisses his shoulders, kisses his collarbone, kisses his wrist and his hands and his neck and his nose, only stopping to scoot down the cushion and gasp when Cas fills him in the literal sense.
Tangible and undeniable. Cas is shaking, mumbling Dean's name like a broken record, clearly just as mystified as Dean is that this is happening. His face flushes, and he lowers it with heavy breaths, both watching as his hips take him in and out from between Dean's thighs.
It's messy, it's noisy, it's sweaty. It's all these things, because they are fucking with a capital F.
“Kiss me.” Dean requests, already nudging Cas' chin up as their bodies sink and snap into one another at quickening speeds, chasing the orgasm that they both desperately want and need.
Castiel does, his body jolting as he fills Dean with a pleasure that'll be felt for days, leaving handprints over the upholstery as he clutches onto it. The kiss isn't stable, and Dean lets him break away only to watch him shudder and groan as each wave passes over him. When Cas' eyes are open, looking at him like he came to life in this very car, Dean reaches around his jaw and gives him a tight kiss that only stops when he comes over his fist, gasping and moaning and wishing that he didn't need oxygen to live.
Cas kisses him through it, soft and slick, until Dean whimpers with overstimulation. His spent everything left to shiver with the absence of Cas inside him.
In a heap, with the leather of the car seat sticking to him and breathless from everything they just did, they let the afterglow burn their half exposed skin. Dean, spread out with Cas resting on his softer-than-he’d-like tummy, reaches to sit him up and bring him face to face.
“Welcome home.” Dean says, kissing him once on the lips. He tastes salty and he smells like sex, but Dean can't believe it. Not even as Cas wraps him up in large, strong, real arms and sighs against him, one that mirrors Dean's own sense of hurtling confusion. Clinging to him, Dean buries his face over Cas’ shoulder, breathing slow and steady.
He ain’t never letting go.
Also on ao3
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FIC WRITERS' RETREAT 2024
Registration Now Open!
WE'RE BACK TO ANNUAL, EVERYONE!!! Seventh Ontario Fic Writers' Retreat, first held in 2016, coming once again in 2024.
To Register, Click Here
When: August 8-11 2024
Where: Blue Mountain Chalets, Collingwood, Ontario
What is it? Four days spent with other fic writers, at all levels of experience. There will be a mix of workshops (Topics TBA and open to suggestions), prompts and challenges, and plenty of independent writing time for your own personal projects. (This year there's also a hot tub and an optional trip to the beach!)
It’s also an opportunity to make connections with people who share your interests and passions, and where you can focus on your own goals and creativity.
Cost (in CANADIAN DOLLARS): $450.00
(approximately $332 USD as of this posting)
Here’s what you get for it:
Food Costs (with all participants helping with prep and cleanup - see note below)
Accommodation (Shared rooms but NOT shared beds - sorry)
Use of a hot tub and sauna at this year's venue (New this year!)
Daily workshops and writing sessions (2+ per day)
Registration fee included in the price
Registration Process:
Click on the Registration Link, above.
Complete the form and submit it.
Select a payment option: a) e-transfer (Canadian residents only) or b) PayPal (link in registration form)
Make your deposit of $225 CAD (50% of total cost) to complete your registration
Second payment is due on July 9, 30 days before the retreat begins.
Space will be allocated on a first-come, first served basis. There are 24 spaces available, after which names will be placed on a waiting list (no payment will be required unless you are offered a spot).
Travel to Toronto is not included.
However, since several participants (and the organizer) live in the area, we have always been able to arrange ride-shares from the Toronto Airport to the various venues. These connections will be arranged after registration.
Contact me with any questions! Or see the FAQ Page
***A note regarding meals: They'll look a little different this year - we'll be making our own! The venue is a pair of summer chalet/cottage spaces with full kitchens. All participants will be asked to take part in making meals happen - either for planning, picking up groceries, preparation or clean-up. The cost of the food is included in the price.
Tags under the cut. Let me know if you want to be tagged in this. If you’re not tagged it’s because I didn’t know you were interested. (Or I used an old list and forgot, or I thought you'd asked to not be tagged - correct me if I was wrong!) It's not because we don't want you! Please come.
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