And fall I do, at a rapid pace - it’s actually faster than I thought - but unfortunately there’s no turning back now. I look around and see… nothing: it’s eerily quiet - peaceful even. For the first time in a while I’m able to see things clearly. Hmmm, what a strange time for a moment of clarity…
But I wonder if its because I’d already accepted my fate before I leapt, once my last toe lost contact with the ground and I surrendered to whatever force governed this world.
Its funny how when there’s nothing holding you back, you suddenly become that much more open-minded.
Sounds like a convoluted joke if you ask me.
But alas I’m free-falling with my eyes closed, my arms spread out as I patiently await the harsh embrace of whatever lies ahead of me.
For a brief moment or two, the weightlessness of my decision passes by like a cloud as I pass it on my way down.
It’s poetic humor, honestly. As beautiful as this world is, unfortunately my eyes were able to see it…
C'est la vie.
I wonder though, for all that I’ve said or done, was this the best thing to do? I see the lie that I told my mom and sister keeping them company - but it’s all a façade. Is this a mistake? As hard as things might be, there’s always a chance to rebound and come back. Compared to that, this was easy… but yet there’s no return.
“Ahh!! what am I doing, how do I stop? Ahh!! Please, no more, I don’t want this anymore. I want to live, I want to live!… please, if anyone out there can hear me…..I WANT TO LIVE!!!”
My pleading seems useless and pitiful, stuck alone in the middle of a canyon… But before I know it, something comes into focus, the ground still getting closer and closer. “I’m panicking I’m not really sure what to do… PLEASE!” I wonder how panicked I must be to conjure hallucinations.
I hear a sickening snap beneath me.
Oh my god…
I’ve stopped - but how?
It’s a branch, and it caught me - but damn, not for long - I can hear it starting to break. My weight is too much for it to hold.
Ok…ok… ok… focus, think. I probably have a few seconds left before I start falling again. But wait! There, a ledge. It’s small, but I think I can jump to it - or if not, I can at least try and grab it before…
Damn. I got it, but I’m exhausted, and I don’t know how long I can hang here…
“SOMEONE HELP!!! Can anybody hear me?” My voice gets weaker as I trail off.
“Yes, I can - where are you?”
I sigh in relief and shock, shuddering, already breaking into sobs, my voice steadying just enough to give a response -
“Over here, please hurry. I don’t know if I can hang on anymore…“
“Wait - keep talking so i can find you.”
“Omg, over here… please hurry!”
“I found you, but I don’t think I can reach you - you’re to low.”
Just my luck.
“Great. Please try… do something!!”
“Behind you! There’s a branch, hanging from you -”
“Actually? What am I supposed to do with it? Wait - maybe if I can grab it…” And maybe he can reach me - one can always dream - but if I let go, then I’m sure that will be the end. I don’t have the energy to hold on. I don’t even have the energy to distinguish my thoughts from what I say.
Well I guess this is the end again, my eyes are feeling heavy again…
“NO! Wait - I can’t -” andddd there I go saying my embarrassing, self-loathing thoughts out loud. Ugh.
I had no options before. Now I do. I hate to try.
– written by @quiet-storm132