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greenflamedwriter · 1 year

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Shen Qingqiu IS Shen Qingqiu.

AU: Based where the System only took memories of Shen Yuan/cucumber and placed them on Shen Qingqiu having him eulate the others personality to fix the story. But now it's roles done, the system will remove the Peerless cucumber 'imprint' and restore Shen Qingqiu's memories that were locked away from Cucumber.

Shen Qingqiu isn't a fan of this...

[Congragulations! User has now completed the task of fixing Proud Immortal demon way- This account will now terminate!]

What- what!?

Luo Binghe noticed his Shizun growing tense, eyes staring at a fixed point.

"Shizun?"

"What does that mean for me!? Am I going to die?" Shen Qingqiu thought internally panicking, what he's been through means nothing?

What will happen to Binghe?

[Shen Qingqiu will not die, instead will have access to all memories and restore to primary functions.]

"What?"

[We assimilated false memoires of Peerless Cucumber into Shen Qingqiu who assimilated his personality. Shen Yuan never existed, the system removed users memories so he can make desicions without emotions making him repeat the same mistakes.]

Shen Qingqiu froze "No- I'm a transmigrator."

[Only one user is a fully transigrator, only he can return back to his world. This user never had the option as that world wasn't his to return to.]

Wait- was the system saying he was Shen Qingqiu the whole time, he wasn't playing a part.

But- he was going to lose his memories again.

[User never spoke of his world or family, never wanted to return. This system will also remove it's trace from your mind-]

"No at least let me keep some memories I can't be lost again-" Like when Shen Qingqius past was a ystery to him he couldn't 'wake' up again just as confused as before.

[Very well. Restoring Shen Qingqiu's original memories and removing Peerless Cucumber.]

Shen Qingqiu blinked to feel Luo Binghes hands on his shoulders and blanched to see the timer above Binghe's head counting down.

He didnt have much time.

"Binghe- Listen to me." he grabbed the others wrist eyes panicked, not making his husband feel any better about his distress.

"This master is going to change, my memories will disapear-" "Shizun! How do we fix it?"

He shook his head "We can't- it'll happy, I'll be the same as before I qi deviated when you were fourteen- This master won't be- this master will go back to that cruel master, who hurt and abused you." The timer kept ticking down.

"Binghe has to know this isn't your fault that this master was cruel he had done nothing wrong, this master was just petty and jelaous," He spoke faster clinging onto his husband.

"I won't remember you or call you my husband-" His eyes were watering and his throat thickened.

"Binghe should know how much this master loves him, that this master will always love Binghe- but once this master changes, if I become cruel promise me you won't stay and be hurt, leave me-"

"No Shizun," Binghe was crying too shaking his head.

"I can't bear hurting you again, it pains me of all the torture you went under my hand this master will be cross if you took any punishment because of me, please."

Luo Binghe nodded "Only because I know Shizun won't hurt me."

But he will- Shen Qingqiu was scum- a cruel master! He was the reason why PIDW was so awful and tragic.

[Restoring base functions- in 3, 2, 1]

Shen Qingqiu kissed Luo Binghe- it might be the last time before he Qi Deviated.

___________________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu woke up, his vision blurry.

"Shen-Shixiong?" Mu-Shidi spoke and immedielty Shen Qingqiu scowled, he didn't need this- he wanted to be alone, a second to break down and try to reationlise what happened.

"Mu-Shidi," shen Qingqiu sat up and felt fluttering hands and snapped "This Master is perfectly capable to sit up on his own."

He glared to see everyone there, Yue Shixiong his eyes narrowed in his direction.

He already felt too much.

"Get out-" "Shidi-" Yue Shixiong spoke and Shen Qingqiu snarled "Get out!" As they others left only Binghe remained and Shen Qingqiu glare darkened.

"You too, beast." He tried extra hard to make his voice scathing, ignoring the awful feeling of tar in his chest at the wounded look on the others face.

Once Binghe left, Shen Qingqiu fell back onto the bed covering his eyes with his arm.

His lip pressed together.

He remembered everything, it was too much and he felt overwhelemed. How could Shen Yuan be so calm and not care- he kept moving forward and that-

Being so inconsiderete of peoples emotions because he didn't think they were real, never took Liu Qingges jabs to heart and Yue Shixiong-

Shen Qingqiu rolled over pressing his face into the blankets, it was too much- it hurt too much.

For years he asked "Why?"

And for years his Yue-Shixiong would look guilty, he always thought it's because he was ashamed, that Shen Qingqiu would remind him of his past, his promise. Yue Qingyuan wanted a clean slate, to act as a noble cultivator and wanted Shen 'jiu' to die left and forgotten. Because he was just a dirty slave, that his sect leader was embarresed.

He never made him think otherwise with his apologies- what was Shen Qingqiu supposed to think?

But Yue Qingyuan revealed his secret to...the other him, the kinder version of him. Who wasn't cruel or spit poison. Shen Qingqiu grasped the blankets trying to breathe.

His Qi-ge came back for him, he destroyed his cultivation for him!? And Shen Qingqiu felt crushing weight over the guilt he wanted an explantion but that was too much to bear to know that he was the reason the sect leader was crippled and it was his fault.

He wanted his qi-ge to save him, but now he felt undeserving.

And his martial siblings preffered his softer side- it was too hard to be like that impossible even. Shen Yuan was assimilated from a child in the future who wasn't raised in this enviorment who's ideals on the world was vastly differnent. His world was soft.

Shen Qingqiu was too broken to be like that, and that was why something a higher being manipulated his fate, as he was just too horrible of a person to fix it himself he had to be possesed by a memory of a person from the future to save him.

And Luo Binghe...

Shen Qingqiu had no idea how to feel over that, he could recall everything in vivid detail, his anger and bitter envy of a child just vanished, he could see Luo Binghe as a hardworking child. How the boy doted on him with just a small drop of kindness.

Shen Yuan had no idea of the beast he was, with his new perception he shivered to remember those eyes on him when his Binghe was a disciple, how he would run away into the cold pond, the thoughts that beast had on his shizun-

And yet, he also had the memories of the future, of the Luo Binghe he hurt. The system must have placed his future knowledge onto him thinking that would be enough to save him, to avoid his future.

But he qi-deviated and almost died, his past and future were too awful for a sane individual to take, so it removed his memories of his past but even that wasn't enough.

...And now he was safe, but without Shen Yuan...unable to being the kinder Shizun...he may as well have lost everything.

Why couldn't the system just let him die? Living was too exhausting and painful.

"Shen-shidi?"

He looked up to see Mu Qingfan approach him, he imedietly wanted to hiss and snarl.

Couldn't they let a man lick his wounds in peace!?

"Shen-Shixiong, another qi-deviation that changes your personality is distressing, there is no other cases like this." Shen Qingqiu glared at the blankets.

"Maybe if we're lucky, this master may have another Qi-deviation and return to his pleasant and approachable self-"

"shixiong-"

"Isn't that what everybody wants? The nice one? The one that isn't cruel or always picking fights or trying to kill his own maritial siblings?"

His own sect betrayed him, because they thought he murdured Liu Qingge, the man believed he tried to kill him when a ghost attacked him.

"That's not true-"

"Isn't it!?" Shen Qingqiu snapped voice loud and carrying through the bamboo house where all could hear.

"None of you tried to help me! Other than some possesion charms no one thought to tell this Master that he was acting like a differnt person! Too scared to make me remember as you all preffered it! Oh how nice, Shen Qingqiu is obedient, warm and loving and gets along well with his martial siblings!" Shen Qingqiu snapped his hands clenching so tight on the blankets they almost ripped.

"Even if it was detrimental to this Masters health none of you-" He cut himself off looking away. The hot anger of betrayel leaving him sore but the worst part.

He was barely back and aware for five minutes and already he was screaming at Mu Qingfan.

Shen Yuan would've apologised, but Shen Qingqiu didn't know how- his pride? The stupid thing that got him in this mess in the first place?

But why should he apologise? They couldn't understand.

He spoke quiter "You don't understand what it's like, looking back on your memories as if you were sleepwalking, no control over my actions or why I did what I did." Shen Qingqiu placed a hand over his face.

"I even slept with my own disciple!"

The self disgust was evident, how could they let him get away with that?

Shen Qingqiu laughed self decpracating. Oh they let him get away with everything. Murdering Liu qingge, going to brothels abusing An ding with deliveries for trivial things which led to Shang QInghua betraying their sect.

Everything started and ended with him.

"Why didn't you just let me die?" He asked outloud to the system, only to realise the system was gone.

And Mu Qingfan heard him.

"Shen Qingqiu. This healer has studied many curses, diseases and aliments but not once has he heard of anything such as this, a qi-deviation that could change a personality, that could supress emotions. We said nothing in case there were irrepairable damage and you lost more than to gain. The body can be healed but the mind is a tricky thing. You can't blame this one for not wanting to make it worse when time could've healed as it processed its truama. It appears that may be the case."

Shen Qingqiu pressed his lips together in guilt, Mu Qingfan was right. What if in their own way triggered his memoires then what? he collapsed into a screaming lunatic or-

He felt his breath catch, if he lost his memories and only remembered being Shen jiu losing everything on cultivation and the reason on why Yue Qingyuan did what he did.

At least he had all of his memoires than none.

He could hear Shen Yuan in his mind "Done with your tantrum? Want to apologise to Mu-Shidi since he's doing the best he can?"

Shen Qingqiu scowled, he gave that allowence that everyone was incompetent because they were characters in a book, npcs who were trapped in the confines of their duties and to not overshadow the protagonist.

But knowing they were people with their own thoughts who can do something but just didn't.

"Xiao Jiu I'll come back for you, I promise!"

No matter what it felt as if people let him down-

no. no thats no true.

"Shizun."

His Binghe returned to him, his Binghe seemed to never let him down. If he knew him to be cruel his Binghe was cruel, if he was a sheep if acted the sheep if he was a beast he could be a beast.

The only constant was Luo Binghe being himself and sticking to his Shizuns side. He did it so easily, and effortlessly it hurt more when it felt as if his siblings only spoke about protecting him and let Luo Binghe was the only one that delivered.

It may not be a fictional world- or maybe it was, or maybe Shang Qinghua was a reincarnation and wrote PIDW based on his past memories who knows.

"Where is Luo- my husband."

Oh, oh god no. That beast was his husband they had sex!? Shen Qingqiu couldn't even sleep in the disciples dorms how can- how could he-

That was another thing he ruined from his return, would Luo Binghe understand? Would he be disapointed in his Shizun for returning to the brothels?

"He's outside, after you told everyone to get out."

Shen Qingqiu wanted to fall back on old habits- but he's had a taste. Of what it could be like, how easy Shen Yuan made it.

He grit his teeth "I- This master apologises this one was..." he looked away even though it was an apology it sounded like he was trying to pull it through molasses his Shidi could see him struggling, politely not saying a word.

That was another relationship ruined, his Shidi was so soft spoken and soft, like Shen Yuan they became so close. Not like him all jaggared edges that cut others that came too close.

"This one was...overwhelmed." Weak. He was weak, already the whole world knew Shen Qingqiu was weak and a sore spot on Cang Qiong, it's why Liu Qingge tried so hard to be strong along with Yue Qingyuan. They had to watch out for him and Shang Qinghua because they gifts lied elsewhere. He prided himself on being the Xiu ya sword. He hated others feeling pity or thinking he needed protecting.

"They didn't mind, they are only worried about your health. Would you like some more time alone? Or do you want this one to bring them in?"

Shen Qingqiu shook his head "No- no thats, they have other duties to attend to." He couldn't bear to look at them without getting upset or mad. Especially at yue Qingyuan.

But...he could feel himself growing anxious, the face of his disciple appearing in his mind.

"This master loves Luo Binghe, it's not your fault if I change-"

He couldn't say it was love, he had no right. Luo Binghe was familiar, and he was the only person he trusted. Shen Qingqiu saw all of Luo Binghes memories he was laid bare and he guessed Luo Binghe now knew about him too. Both had already seen themselves vunerable and Shen Qingqiu needed to see his- his disciple.

"You can send in my- my husband." His voice caught, he scowled at Mu Qingfans knowing look as he rised and bowed before leaving.

Shen Qingqiu removed the blankets and stood up, going over to the vanity to do his hair and get dressed.

He thought he would be over his embarresment of the others seeing him in such a state. But Shen Yuan managed to be even more embarrising.

"Shizun?"

"Beast," He spoke and scowled his only concious memories was when he despised the child, but now he knew it was unfounded. Being forced to remove himself mentally from the problem and see it like that was helpful and yet awful.

Everything after his qi deviation was like a dream, nothing was concious on his part and his relationships weren't made by him.

Luo Binghe didn't marry him, his husband was dead. Replaced by this scum teacher. Shen Qingqiu smiled at the vanity, even his smile was more like a sneer nothing like the looks he used to have.

He tensed when he felt Luo Binghe touched him, he almost acted out until he felt a comb through his hair. The instant familiarty calmed his racing heart. His husband did this for him all the time.

He kept his eyes open watching Luo Binghe, almost losing himself.

Luo Binghe pinned his hair up and Shen Qingqiu spoke subconciously "It's perfect, as usual Beast."

He winced at the none familiar part- he couldn't stop as it wasn't untrue he felt horrified how his weaker more oblivious self was unaware of the threats to his person how others could've taken advantage of him.

Zhuzhi lang, Gongyi Xiao, Liu Qingge and that awful succubis experience his other self saw these characters as simple innocent creatures who wouldn't dare have ulterior motives and Binghe was the worst of them all!

"Shizun?"

He was staring into space, his eyes snapped to his disciple who shivered at his cold glare, gone was the warmth.

Another thing to be reminded off, will he be forced to see the looks of disapointment on everyones faces? That he wasn't him any more?

_____________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu stared, he couldn't do to upset the beast. It wasn't his fault.

"Fine, if it brings you comfort."

"It does Shizun."

Ugh, such a sticky thing he extended his hand "Very well, beast."

Luo Binghe took his hand and looked satisfied and Shen Qingqiu found himself relaxing.

In his memories Luo Binghe became a constant, he never realised how much he would feel safe with him. Given that this was his future tortuer it did unnerve Shen Qingqiu how he felt no fear from Luo Binghe even though the face of this man tortured him to the point of mental collapse.

Maybe he was adapting one of Cucumbers habits...

He subconciously relaxed his hand stroking Luo Binghe's absentmindedly, it was like a normal peak lord meeting as usual and the familiarty had Shen Qingqius firm scowl relaxing.

He missed Luo Binghe's pleased grin as he watched his Shizun.

He thought his Shizun would change, but he hadn't. That softer side was a part of him and was always there, his Shizun just never felt safe enough to lay himself bare to the others. He had so many ticks and quircks and he would always say "It's Shen Yuan," he's already delegated that part of himself with a name. Framing himself as cruel and placing all of his good parts onto this figment. It couldn't be healthy even Mu Qingfan wondered if Shen Qingqius mental state had him confused.

He spoke to Meng Mo who even showed memories of Shen Qingqius past, and his dreams of Luo Binghe tortuing him in the future. Luo Binghe was horrified and even began to cuddle his Shizun more.

His Shizun would always hit him with a fan "Stop clinging, beast!" And yet, his pale face was flushed more embarresed of what other people thought than the act itself. The name was what he used to call him, and yet- Luo Binghe didn't mind it.

If he was a beast, he was only like that because of Shizun.

Shen Qingqiu took a breath, calmly waving his fan to cool him down.

"This lord has requested an audience with his martial siblings to discuss his recent collapse, This one has regained his memories and the 'Shen Qingqiu' you knew is no longer here."

He could see the dismay on the others faces and continued on his voice tense.

"That creature was an imprint it had access to my memories and even had the memories of my future and made descions I wouldn't have made-"

"But we tried possesion!" Wei Qingwei spoke and Shen Qingqiu's glare pierced his at being inturupted.

"As I was beggining to explain, the one in control during this Lords, collapse on his first Qi deviation reffered to itself as Shen Yuan. It was not a total possesion, it was an imprint. The possesion never worked as this master believed it was Shen Yuan pretending to be this master trying to survive."

He closed his fans "Shen Yuan was the one who 'woke' up the kinder one who took over. It was created to stop events from taking place. My actions on abusing my disciple brought the collapse of the world."

"And how are we supposed to believe this?" Qiu QIngqi spoke not believing a word.

Here Shen Qingqiu smirked, and for a moment they thought he was possesed only to realise this was their Shidi, and it was like this years ago when he was more calmer that they thought that was bizaree.

"Luo Binghe," he turned and noticed how the other would sit up straight like a pup.

"Yes Shizun."

ugh, he felt annoyed but this time he didn't know what?

"You recall that other version of yourself? The double?" He noticed his disciples eyes widened "The one with Xin mo? yes. I recall."

The whole peak was alerted to that threat to explain the weirdness of seeing two Luo Binghes fighting.

"That Luo Binghe, was from my future. The one where I was a cruel master. He was the result of my failure. This master died by his hands," He knew those dreams were suspicious, why he knew them so intimatly of Luo Binghe tortuing him with the human stick fate. Why he was exposed to that version as he already failed that Luo Binghe. It was his fault.

"When this master died, he was given a second chance but was too-" broken, weak -

"Uncompromised to make any sane desicions to change the future. Shen Yuan was created to stop those events happening, the demon and human world merging, the abuse of Luo Binghe. All to protect myself." He placed his fan down knowing it was too much for his fellow peak lords. And he knew they wouldn've believed him.

But it was different now, after his kinder self changed their opinions they began to listen to him.

But now they wouldn't which was why he had Luo Binghe back up his statments now they had to believe him.

"So what now? Is the threat over with?"

Shen Qingqiu scoffed "Of course not. The reason that world failed and why this one almost fell into ruin was because of one person." He placed his fan down.

"This master had almost destroyed this world by assuming he knew what was best for himself and others," He glanced at Luo Binghe.

"This one had thought he knew better than his own disciple and thought he knew him better than himself." And ended up hurting him as a consequence he was so blindesided.

"So I propose-" He said outloud, unwavering.

"That this master be removed from Cang Qiong and stripped of his title as Qing Jing Peak lord, as I am unfit to serve."

There was a stunning silence, he had no idea who was more shocked as they tried to process.

But it was the best decision. He was nothing but a snake and he knew anything he did he would just make worse.

He made that future, he hurt Luo Binghe because he tried so hard to save himself. By trying to live up to expectatations, trying to survive acting like he was still that street rat trying to sabotage others and destryoing all compition.

He was a failure of a peak lord, he only tried hard to prove he was worhty of Yue Qingyuan, how dare he abandon him? Only to realise how much of a fool he had been and now being exposed to the truth he felt stupid.

And he was tired, beyond mentally exhausted, trying to cling to his safety and security and for what?

He should've left, travelled instead or joined another peak. His alter self thought it was his enviorment that made Shen Qingqiu so wretched, maybe he was right.

"No way." liu Qingge spoke, irritated "You have a duty as a peak lord, we all swore an oath. You don't walk away from this."

Shen Qingqiu grit his teeth.

Oh, so it was differnt. Asking to leave but being forced- forced into the hands of the disciple who wished him harm who ripped of his legs-

And Yue Qingyuan body pierced with thousands of arrows to save him too late-

Something touched his hand and he looked up sharply at his di- husbands face who looked worried.

"Shizun?"

He was still reeling his mouth opening on his own.

"I'm- this Master is no longer your Shizun, your husband is dead. The one you bowed to- made an oath to he- that one is gone." He spoke, voice sounding distant and far away.

"The Shen Qingqiu you all knew and loved that was is gone, it's just this one now."

The broken one.

Yue Qingyuan noticed Luo Binghes pale face and the others unable to speak He stood up placing his hands on the table as he arose.

"We will disucss this another time, please Shen-shidi. This is a lot for our martial brothers and is a very serious request most will have to think on this." Shen Qingqiu finally looked up, looking lost and nodded.

The others were mostly confused, this was supposed to be Shen Qingqiu from before and yet- they couldn't tell the differnce.

He looked just like he did before, lost and confused. They knew they couldn't vote to make him give up his seat and send him into the world as is. He would be vunerable.

_________________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu had to laugh, he was a street rat, pretending to be a noble trying to prove he was a capable cultivator, then he believed he was possesing a scum villain and was an imposter and now here he was again, it was as if nothing he did he would never be comfortable in his skin. He would always be faking, lying an imposter trying to pretend to be someone else. Someone others preffered to see...

At this point in time he didn't know who he was anymore...

Mu Qingfan glanced up from his wrist "How do you want to be?"

Shen Qingqiu blinked, "This one wants to be known as Shen Qingqiu, I fought for this title and I earned it...but I'd like to be like Shen Yuan. I wish I could drop my barriars and not...care." Shen Qingqiu looked away at a fixed point and that was starting to worry the doctor. Shen Qingqiu would end up zoning out and saying the strangest things...

"Sometimes, I wished I never woke up. Thinking and believing I was someone else - I was happy."

It sounded painful, and Mu Qingfan felt guilt, that his Shixiong felt like this- he just wished he could fix it.

___________________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu sat before Yue Qingyuan- he was putting this off for so long, he forced himself to be so calm pushing everything down so he could speak clearly.

"Imagine, my surprise when for years I asked the same question over and over again. One you would rather die than answer. But then you had no problem telling him, shen yuan. The one who had no idea how to take such a truth." Yue Qingyuan almost interjected but Shen Qingqiu raised a hand.

"This master at that time believed you a stranger, and felt awkward that he was told such a thing. He felt awkward and pity for both of us, almost thinking it tragic that it was something this master would never hear and you, clinging to a ghost unaware that you were revealing a truth to an imposter."

Shen Qingqiu took a breath "I thought you left me," he dropped the formal speaking struggling on "I thought you wanted to erase all memories of this one and wanted a clean slate. Each time I hear Xioa Jiu I don't feel the same fond memories you do. It was my sect leader reminding me I was a dirty slave, a gross reminder of your pitiful past." Shen Qingqiu looked up.

"I believed you wanted me to die, and the guilt wasn't that you didn't return for me, only caught wanting a better life and being stuck with this reminder and had to try to create a more beneficial sect relationship to swipe our history under the rug but still reminding me of my place. That you were the untouchable powerful sect leader and I was beneith you." "Xiao Jiu."

Yue QIngyuan sounded wrecked, his eyes burning with tears, Shen Qingqiu didn't do this to hurt him.

"What was I supposed to believe when you would never tell me, when you acted so guilty and trying to give me gifts to forgive you. How could I forgive you when I never knew the reason?"

Shen QIngqiu blinked "To know the real reason I should've had the descision to make, to tell you there was nothing to forgive."

Yue Qingyuan shut his eyes, not believing it.

"You lost me. In that qi deviation I died, vanished. You lost me and didn't even notice- or cared. You loved that version better than me,"

"No! Xiao Jiu!"

Yue Qingyuan almost fell as he stood up in his haste but Shen Qingqiu shook his head.

"You were always too late Qi-ge. Even too late to realise that you had lost me, and lost the chance to tell me the truth when you had plenty of chances all because of pride."

__________________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu found himself staring at Shang Qinghua talking to Mobei Jun. And a memory flashed in his mind,

"If someone is having a qi deviation, don't do anything. Run away."

Shang QInghua may be the author, and may know him intimatly maybe even wrote his tragic story and was the reason his life sucked wrote him as the scum villain and yet.

Why would he try to help him? Why try to explain to Lie Qingge that Shen Qingqiu was innocent?

Before Shen Yuan- Shang Qinghua was actually his...friend.

Shen Qingqiu felt irritated with himself, even as Shen Yuan he couldn't convey his emotions with the hamster man.

Fine.

"Shang Qinghua." He approached looking down his nose at the man, he was so irritated the hamster was already shaking and thought he was in trouble. Even Mobei Jun noticed and tried to shield him.

"The Sect Leader has realised our poor Shixiong is overworked."

"...huh?"

Shen Qingqiu smiled, he knew it was menacing and just because he was doing him a favour didn't mean he couldn't be mean about it.

"You have the next three months free, Shixiong. Use them wiseley." Both stared as he turned then Shang Qinghua found his voice.

"No- this one can't theres so many things-"

"You have a head disciple for a reason Qinghua use them. And if Cang Qiong falls apart from your abscene then our sect siblings may appreciate you more."

He walked away before the hamster does something embarrasing.

He hates being nice to people.

And later he bullied the Sect Leader to approve the three month holiday for Shang Qinghua which Yue Qingyuan conceded.

He needed to teach the Sect leader to grow a spine with him...just not yet though...

___________________________________________________

As Shen Qingqiu played the qin, he found himself reminicing as Shen Yuan who had no idea on how to play such an instrument and felt petrified that he would be found out. An imposter.

No matter what, what name he took, or identity he would always feel uncomfortable in his skin.

The one time he was happy...

Arms wrapped around him and Shen Qingqiu found himself leaning back with a hum.

Luo Binghe, the one time he wasn't pretending. Even behind closed doors he had no need to keep pretense on being a peak lord. Unlike yue Qingyuan with their history, Luo Binghe only wanted to impress his Shizun.

"What is Shizun playing?" His husband spoke resting his chin on his shoulder, Shen Qingqiu felt himself smile as he relaxed further "Nothing, serious."

He exhaled his chest expanding. "We've never spoken much...about me changing...getting this ones memories back." He felt Luo Binghe stiffen.

"This master never told you why he was so cruel to you as a child."

"Shizun, you don't have to tell me anything-"

"But this master wants to, Binghe is owed that much." Shen Qingqiu was nervous, it did feel like nothing but excuses. Although Luo Binghe had forgave him- he deserved to know.

"When you came to this mountain, during the tea ceremony. Remember what this master did?"

"You poured tea on this disciple." His voice souded bitter, he still seemed upset about that. Shen Qingqiu pressed his lips together.

"Your reason to come to Cang Qiong mountain was to make your mother proud. The love you spoke made me realise how close you were. My original name was Shen Jiu, like the number."

He let that sink in, feeling Luo Binghes hand twitch against his hip.

"This masters own family sold him into slavery, this one has no memory nor the idea of the warmth of a loved one. And yet, this poor women would starve herself to save her own child...this master had no knowledge that, this one made the assumption she was still alive and tried to scare Binghe back into her arms.

This master was bitter that such a child no different than him, would have a better future. Started cultivating at the right time and not be held back by a demonic cultivator like oneself." Shen Qingqiu spoke.

"Luo Binghe did nothing wrong, all he has suffered because this master was a jealous bitter fool. This master saw himself in Luo Binghe, and didn't like the reflection."

He felt Luo Binghe hold him closer.

"Surely Luo Binghe is to blame, this one must have made a mistake?" Shen Qingqiu shook his head.

"There was no mistake except for this master, he took in Binghe because Liu Qingge showed interest in you. Ning yingying wanted a shidi. And knowing you would be a promising culitvator this master gave you a fake manual hoping it would kill you, even made you fight elder hammer hoping to would kill you." Shen Qingqiu spoke shutting his eyes.

"Losing my memories this master was able to see Luo Binghe for who he really was. A bright young boy full of potential, powerful too...did you know that in grievence circumstances a disicple of a peak can replace its master?"

Luo Binghe hummed "This one hadn't known that."

Shen Qingqiu nodded "At the peak lord meetings this master knows now that the others were teasing, but at the time thought they were serious. That my peak was going to be stolen from me, all that hard work surviving under Qui Jianlou and Wu yanzi and for what? To be discarded again and replaced with someone stronger?"

Shen Qingqiu shut his eyes "This one only wanted safety, and has never felt stabilty in his life, the only moments this master can recall would be Luo Binghe."

"Why would this master throw Luo Binghe into the abyss."

Luo Binghe spoke, his hand stroking his waist, and Shen Qingqiu felt himself smile and relaxed further as he reached back stroking Luo Binghes hair.

"The first time, this master was afraid. To be exposed as incompetant to not know a demon was on his peak, to be caught raising not only a demon a heavenly demon. Others still spoke in fear of Tianlang-Jun. Once the others found out Luo Binghe wouldn't die an instant death, a mercy would be to throw him into the abyss. The second, this master was forced. Made to believe that he would perish if Luo Binghe hadn't entered the abyss. Knowing Binghe would survive and return in five years over my immediete demise, it was an easy choice."

"You would toss a child into hell? For your own sake?" Shen Qingqiu nodded, not finding the response alarming.

Now he could finally face Luo Bingge with no regrets.

"How would you find Xin mo? Fight Mobei Jun? Fight for your birthright the Huan Hua palace and the demon realm? Su Xiyan gave up her life so you could live. Tialang-jun would've loved you." He spoke still feeling that hand stroking his waist. He could also feel the claws.

"Luo Binghe always thought he was unloved, that wasn't true. Luo Binghe is easily the most lovable person anyone could be lucky enough to meet."

He sighed dropping his hands in his lap.

"This master has one question to ask of Binghe."

"Anything, Shizun."

He was upset, he could tell he was trying to maintain it. But he did not have to pretend anymore.

"Is there anything else you would like to know before you return to your world, Luo Binghe?"

He felt the arms around his waist tighten as he felt the smile against his neck.

"Shizun," He sounded pleased "When did you know it was me?"

Shen Qingqiu huffed as he patted his arm with a fond huff.

"Unlike the other me, that had no memories. This one is intimiate with this Luo Binghe." Shen Qingqiu tilted his head with a grin as he faced the red eyed stare of his disciple.

Feeling bold, Shen Qingqiu turned around wrapping his arms around Luo Bingge as he sat fully in his lap.

He noticed the other almost tense then look almost lost to realise that his Shizun wasn't running away but moving closer.

"Is the Shen Qingqiu in your world dead? Is that why you must bother this master so?" He asked, the Luo Binghe smirked his nails digging into his hips and Shen Qingqiu gasped his green robes already staining with blood.

He shivered remembering his torture at the hands of this Luo Binghe, much more fresh than before.

As Shen Yuan it was used as a stick to beat the mule, his points the carrot. With fond memories of Binghe the torture was at the back of his mind, now- he couldn't escape the fear.

Luo Bingge smirked at his fear, "Ah Shizun. How lovely it is to know of the reasons of why you hated this Binghe so."

"As this master had already stated, this master was at fault. Luo Binghe had done nothing wrong."

He felt his hands tighten and grimaced "You expect this lord to belive that? That all those years of torture was because of envy?" Shen Qingqiu nodded.

"No matter what, Luo Binghe can't change anything, can't do better or be more perfect. Not when his own master is imperfect. But hasn't Luo Binghe already had his revenge? His Shen Qingqiu payed with his life, you made the other peaks pay for your suffering. Isn't it enough? Now you have your answers, isn't it best to return home?"

"No. This lord want a kind Shizun, it's not fair."

Shen Qingqiu could only sigh, a demon lord and yet still a clingy child. He glanced down at his hips his brow furrowing.

"This master hopes you treat your wives better than this." The other's hands twitched before releasing.

"This master knows more than he should." Oh he caught onto that hadn't he.

"This master had the memories of his failures and the future of being tortured under his disciple. That is true, but in the time the two memories were incompatible and suffered a qi deviation. This master had forgotten his past and saw Luo Binghe for who he truly was."

Luo Bingge smile grew "So you are this lords Shizun," He looked pleased about that.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to hit him with his fan "No, this one has his memories. He is not your Shizun." How many times does he have to say it.

"You look like this lords Shizun, even glare at him like my old Shizun."

"But this one is not him. This master has his own Binghe, and you have your own Shen Qingqiu. It's no ones fault but your own that you killed him."

Suddenly hands latched around his wrists as he found himself slammed onto the floor with Luo Binghe above him eyes crazed.

"That doesn't matter, you are Shen Qingqiu and you have his memories, you are one and the same. Shen Qingqiu deserves to be punished."

"Haven't I been punished enough? Why can't you be satisfied?"

The hands holding his wrists tightened, "This lord will never be satisfied, not until this Shen Qingqiu treats him fairly like the other weaker Binghe."

Shen Qingqiu blinked "Is that all?"

"What?"

Shen Qingqiu tilted his head "You want to be treat like Luo Binghe? you won't return to your world until then?"

"Of course."

"Very well, up." Shen Qingqiu nodded and when Luo Binghe didn't let go Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat "Off, Binghe."

The other smirked "Doesn't the other one do this husband?"

"No, he cries." Shen Qingqiu spoke. Finally being released but held out his hand. If he wanted to be treat like Binghe he was going to treat him like Binghe. He wasn't going to kiss him though.

"Let this Master prepare tea, and you can tell me all about your kingdom and exploits."

Luo Binghe followed amused "Shouldn't you know?"

Shen Qingqiu glanced back "This master was locked in a dungeon if you don't recall, and my other memories came from a unreliable source." He recalls reading Luo Binghes story and remembers the anger he felt at the injustice of his disciple.

It was odd to be sat before his well- not his husband and speak, he was still afraid and nervous.

But if he mentally detatched himself from this and thought back to when he was a hater for PIDW, he did have some questions for Luo Binghe.

"Luo Binghe, this master has a question."

This may not be a great question to start with, but he did want to know. "This lord will answer his Shizun to the best of his abilities."

"You were close with your mother, correct?"

He noticed the demon Lord eyes darkened and hastened on "This Master only wondered why the women you married you never treat them with the same love and respect as her. If a man married her had a child then abandoned her to spawn and marry others would you respect that man?"

He noticed Luo Binghe aura darkened, "This Lord thinks Shizun is overstepping."

Indeed he was, Shen Qingqiu raised his tea cup and took a sip.

"This Master has no mother, sold into slavery as a young child and was given the name Shen Jiu. The number."

Shen Qingqiu placed his tea cup down. "This master asks, as I have never known what parental love was, the closest was Wu Yanzi."

He noticed Luo Binghe sudden attention and silence, "Yes the demonic cultivator who murdured thousands, he ruined my cultivation which was why this master was prone to Qi deviations." He said mirthlessly.

He would never confess such a weakness.

"So this master asks, since Luo Binghe doesn't seem happy with his harem. So why do it?"

Luo Binghe finally picked up his own tea, tilting the cup and watching the liquid swirl around the cup.

"This lord has never experienced genuine love since his mother past. Each women, wants something from this Lord- security, sex, power. Ning Yingying only stays with this master because of her childhood memories of her precious shidi. Luo Binghe the disciple died in the abyss and the Lord before her is a stranger."

That...sounded awful.

"Liu Mingyan lost her brother and only needed support to bring her brothers murdurer to justice..." Here the demon glanced up.

"Did you kill Liu Qingge?"

"This Master failed to save Liu Qingge during a qi deviation. My actions led to his death. Its another of my many failures."

Luo Binghe might not believe him, it didn't matter.

"And Sha Hauling, used me as a pawn to overthrow her father. She was trying to save her own people from starvation." Shen Qingqiu frowned "Ah, the sowers."

Luo Binghe smiled "Yes, human flesh is a delicasy that most demons need." Shen Qingqiu nodded.

"And the rest are the same, not one stays with me or truly understands the things this master done." Luo Binghe drank his tea and placed the cup down.

"This lord is too human and weak for the demons and too monstrous and demonic for the soft humans." Shen Qingqiu gazed at him in sympathy Luo Binghe caught his eyes then bristled.

"I don't need you to pity me, weren't you the one to send this disciple into hell?"

Shen Qingqiu nodded "This Master never cared that you were a demon. You were a heavenly demon. One other demon named Tianglang jun caused so much unrest he made all the masters from all four sects to come together and the strongest most poweful ones sealed him away. It was a war the humans avoided and there you were, a heavenly demon." Shen QIngqiu placed his own teacup down.

"Yue Qingyuan was the one who sealed your father under the mountai, if the other sects found out..." Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes "And if Shang Qinghua was investigated and exposed as being a spy, the entire Qiong Cang mountain would've been seen as demon heratics."

"Ah Shizun always has a reason."

"This master is a strategist, always planning for the future, a complete anxiety ridden mess just waiting and planning for the worst."

"Thats not you." Luo Binghe spoke, looking self assured.

"Is it not?" his only stratergy, Shen Qingqiu thought, is that Luo Binghe see's his shizun as this big monster.

"The sooner you realise that your shizun was a flawed scared human, the more you can let go of your resentment."

------------

Luo Bingmei hated that that other him was able to come here, be close to his shizun. Any moment now he would be taken away- his Shizun would want to go with that other version of him. He saw them getting closer, having tea with one another, Shen Qingqius awe at Xin Mo having being able to be near it unafraid.

He never did that with him his husband! the sword was dangerous, he would say and it...it hurt.

Feeling his Shizun slip through his fingers.

And yet when the other Bingge left he saw the tight coil of anxiety slacken has Shen Qingqius shoulders relaxed. His shizun was afraid of the other and when his eyes sought him out and found him his gaze would warm up holding himself up with a new strength.

As if seeing his husband there made him more reassured.

Then his mask would slip into place as he waved his fan lazily "Husband," He spoke no longer warmth as before he regained his memories but the fact he was even calling him husband had Binghes chest expand with joy.

"Is there any questions you have for this master? Like your counterpart?" He wondered and Luo Binghe smiled.

"This lowly one has heard every answer he has given to his counterpart there is nothing I have to ask."

Shen Qingqiu nodded then gestured for his husband to sit as he began to pour him a new pot of tea, removing the others cup. And Luo Binghe noticed that the cup for his counterpart was the one Shen Qingqiu hated, the one he reserved for guests like Yue Qingyuan or Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe hid his smile behind his hand.

Mannerisms he did as 'shen yuan' it was like Mu Qingfan said it was if every good part of his Shizun he would place onto this name and would take all the negativity into himself.

He still acted with the same warmth and love as before it was just smaller but no less there. And even though Shen Qingqiu denied it- his denials always came when Luo Binghe would do something small.

Reminding Shen Qingqiu how much he loves him, adores him, worships him. The way his Shizun would shut down almost disbelieving that such attention was aimed at him. It broke Luo Binghe's heart. Before his shizun would have a thin face and try to hide it but this time, Shizun didn't believe anyone was capable of loving him sharp edges and all.

Luo Binghe reached out a hand absentmindedly and felt Shen Qingqiu reach out too and let his hand be embraced by Binghes. A clawed thumb rubbing his pulse point as Shen Qingqiu began to whine about his counterpart and how annoying it was to listen to his stories.

Luo Binghe hummed and nodded knowing and even feeling amused at the change in tone as Shen Qingqiu was annoyed one moment of Luo Binghes tales and adventures inconvienced him into feeling worried that his Black lotus was facing it alone with so many incompetant women as a harem and only Mobei jun but without his servant he was practically useless too.

He was talking without much thought and Binghe placed a hand on his chin as he listen feeling bemused that Shen Qingqiu didn't realise that deep down no matter what form or memories in his core he would always care for Luo Binghe in some way shape or form. He'd never mention it or Shen Qingqiu would clam up and deny it. Maybe even hit him with a fan if he knew.

__________________________________________________________

A/n:

Shen Qingqiu: That was Shen Yuan! That wasn't me- I'm an evil scum villain.

Everyone else thinking he thats not true because he keeps acting like 'shen yuan' without realising it and that they are one and the same it's just a bitch trying to make him realise that. >.<

#shen #Qingqiu #yuan #scumbag #svsss #saving #self #system #scum villain self saving system #scumbag system #scum villain #luo bingge #original luo binghe #original shen qingqiu #writers prompt #scum villain fanfic #SVSSS #qingqiu #Bingqiu

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