Tales of my father: The Drug Talk

My father has been many things. A political revolutionary, an artist, a wanderer, an abusive perpetual adolescent and a dreamer forever chasing something beyond the horizon, convinced that there had to be a better life, a better world, a better him out there, somewhere.

What he wasn't was a normal dad, by any stretch... whatever that means. He took to parenting like a komodo dragon takes to outer space, and even when his intentions were good he had the tact of a gorilla on meth. He tried every now and then to have The Talks. It was odd, like an actor walking on stage after a two day bender, the lines buried deep under layers of alcohol and trauma, impossible to recall. Still, he attempted to have those fatherly moments of sitcom wisdom. Of these I shall recount a few over the next months, starting with The Drug Talk.

I must have been around fourteen when for some forsaken reason I was walking with my father along the promenade by the sea- probably because my mother had kicked him out and he had dragged me along, I can't remember. It happened often. "Sometimes, with women, you have to make yourself small... invisible. Or just disappear for a bit, let them calm down", he'd say. We wandered the promenade and by sunset the smell of weed hit us hard.

I hated that smell, and still do. To this day it only brings me back to my first unrequited love locked in her bathroom and crying, her devoted sister cleaning up my vomit as the mixture of cheap alcohol and bad weed sent me to half-consciousness and a mountain of flesh, of crying babies, appeared in front of my eyes, half dream, half hallucination. I could hear my dear friend screaming "I'm a bad friend!" and part of me should have understood then that she didn't just mean she was bad for talking me into wine, weed and homemade lemoncello and then bailing because seeing someone puke made her puke. But that's beside the point.

"You recognize that smell?" my father asked. I did, obviously. Still, it felt like a trap. Often he'd say things just to measure my reaction, or to trick me into exposing my ignorance on this or that topic. Chatting with him was like an oral exam in which you didn't know what the real subject was, or what the parameters for grading were. Fuck it. Might as well tell the truth.

"Yeah"

He sighed and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Guess we should have a talk about drugs"

Well, shit.

"Okay"

"I've done drugs, you know. I don't mean weed, that shit is nothing. Coke... coke is good, really good when you have to work nights at the theater and you don't have time to sleep because the lighting rig needs to be perfect for opening night, there's no bullshitting on that job, you know. Shit is done or it isn't and it has to be done so yeah, I did coke. It worked. Didn't get hooked on it, so maybe you wouldn't get hooked on it, I don't know. Shit, cigarettes are worse than coke if you ask me. These things will be the death of me. Acid is fun, but you don't want to do it alone, you understand? Always have a sober friend when fucking with those kind of drugs, someone you can trust. An accountant type. Not an accountant, but an accountant *type*. You know what I mean. Anyway, I've pretty much done everything except heroin. I... shit, anything that involves a needle... just... I lost friends to that shit. Good people. But it twists you and fucks your mind and fucking ruins you and you ruin your friendships and your family and... but they were good people. Good people. That shit is evil. People who treat them like shit are evil too. Some got AIDS and they were like fucking lepers, mistreated and left to fucking rot... There was this one actress... but nevermind that. Everything else, everything without needles, I've done it. Shit, I was doing amphetamines at your age. They were legal back then, you know. We all used them to pull all-nighters before school tests. I'm telling you, my generation fucking thrived on amphetamines, used them all the time. And... and... Well, I guess the point of the story is: don't do heroin"

I nodded. There, watching the sun set, was the only time we talked about drugs. I appreciate that he tried. And he gave more wisdom than he knew.

It's been a week

Although I feel relieved and free from your narcissistic shackles

I can't help but wonder

Do you think of me?

If you really loved me like you said once very long ago,

Or if you loved manipulating me and molding me into the lover you so craved

My feelings for you were true

Pure and innocent as nighttime rain

As much as I miss things between us, I don't miss you

But feelings aren't facts

Fact was how you chose not to speak to me,

Which left me feeling unwanted

Fact was how I never knew when I'd see you again,

Which left me feeling like you were just toying with my soul

Fact was how you would spend the night,

Which left me feeling like you cared

Fact was how you would feed me without question,

Which left me feeling extremely loved

Fact was how time was on your side, the ball always in your court

Which left me feeling vulnerable, wrapped around your finger till you said "go!"

Yes, it's been a week

And I'm trying not to tangle the good with the bad

What you wanted out of me, only you would know

Your intentions seemed great at first,

Out of nowhere you chose to turn cold

Your narcissistic ways aren't for me

I love myself more than I wanted to be with you

And I wanted you a great deal

I mainly miss the thought of you

Something I should let go of too

Words to describe facial expressions

Absent: preoccupied 

Agonized: as if in pain or tormented

Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire

Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest

Beatific: blissful

Black: angry or sad, or hostile

Bleak: hopeless

Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern

Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent

Brooding: anxious and gloomy

Bug eyed: frightened or surprised

Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed

Cheeky: cocky, insolent

Cheerless: sad

Choleric: hot-tempered, irate

Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings

Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor

Despondent: depressed or discouraged

Doleful: sad or afflicted

Dour: stern or obstinate

Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing

Ecstatic: delighted or entranced

Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible

Fixed: concentrated or immobile

Gazing: staring intently

Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive

Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion

Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic

Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness

Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty

Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism

Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant

Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit

Jeering: insulting or mocking

Languid: lazy or weak

Leering: sexually suggestive

Mild: easygoing

Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful

Pained: affected with discomfort or pain

Peering: with curiosity or suspicion

Peeved: annoyed

Pleading: seeking apology or assistance

Quizzical: questioning or confused

Radiant: bright, happy

Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident

Sardonic: mocking

Sour: unpleasant

Sullen: resentful

Vacant: blank or stupid looking

Wan: pale, sickly

Wary: cautious or cunning

Wide eyed: frightened or surprised

Withering: devastating

Wrathful: indignant or vengeful

Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling

WEBSITES FOR WRITERS {masterpost}

E.A. Deverell - FREE worksheets (characters, world building, narrator, etc.) and paid courses;

Hiveword - Helps to research any topic to write about (has other resources, too);

BetaBooks - Share your draft with your beta reader (can be more than one), and see where they stopped reading, their comments, etc.;

Charlotte Dillon - Research links;

Writing realistic injuries - The title is pretty self-explanatory: while writing about an injury, take a look at this useful website;

One Stop for Writers - You guys... this website has literally everything we need: a) Description thesaurus collection, b) Character builder, c) Story maps, d) Scene maps & timelines, e) World building surveys, f) Worksheets, f) Tutorials, and much more! Although it has a paid plan ($90/year | $50/6 months | $9/month), you can still get a 2-week FREE trial;

One Stop for Writers Roadmap - It has many tips for you, divided into three different topics: a) How to plan a story, b) How to write a story, c) How to revise a story. The best thing about this? It's FREE!

Story Structure Database - The Story Structure Database is an archive of books and movies, recording all their major plot points;

National Centre for Writing - FREE worksheets and writing courses. Has also paid courses;

Penguin Random House - Has some writing contests and great opportunities;

Crime Reads - Get inspired before writing a crime scene;

The Creative Academy for Writers - "Writers helping writers along every step of the path to publication." It's FREE and has ZOOM writing rooms;

Reedsy - "A trusted place to learn how to successfully publish your book" It has many tips, and tools (generators), contests, prompts lists, etc. FREE;

QueryTracker - Find agents for your books (personally, I've never used this before, but I thought I should feature it here);

Pacemaker - Track your goals (example: Write 50K words - then, everytime you write, you track the number of the words, and it will make a graphic for you with your progress). It's FREE but has a paid plan;

Save the Cat! - The blog of the most known storytelling method. You can find posts, sheets, a software (student discount - 70%), and other things;

I hope this is helpful for you!

(Also, check my blog if you want to!)

“how many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger?”

— 𝘝𝘪𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘢 𝘞𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘧

When I write three sentences on my WIP:

If you don't face your old pains and traumas and heartbreaks, you'll forever be the victim of your past.

I love how authors in classic literature spend three pages describing a street, whilst casually mentioning the death of the protagonist in one line.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seven

and my reply is

pink

because i am a girl

and pink

is a princess color.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am ten

and i like

green

because a boy told me that pink

is lame and girly.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am thirteen

and i tell them

purple

it is unique and spunky

like i want to be.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seventeen

and i just say

red

i do not say

it is bright and angry at the world

as i am

i cannot form the words to express

all of my frustrations

so i paint my lips with

rage.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty

and it’s pink

i remember the joy

of being a child

i reclaim the freedom

of femininity

because i cannot remember

what my shoulders felt like

before the depression

hung from them.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty-six

and my answer is

brown

it confuses most people

they don’t see it

they may think of dirt

and dust

and dead things

but it is coffee with friends

and the chocolate chip cookies

my mom used to make.

it is my hair

and my eyes

amber and gold

in the sun

and i love myself

again

Story Structures for your Next WIP

hello, hello. this post will be mostly for my notes. this is something I need in to be reminded of for my business, but it can also be very useful and beneficial for you guys as well.

everything in life has structure and storytelling is no different, so let’s dive right in :)

First off let’s just review what a story structure is :

a story is the backbone of the story, the skeleton if you will. It hold the entire story together.

the structure in which you choose your story will effectively determine how you create drama and depending on the structure you choose it should help you align your story and sequence it with the conflict, climax, and resolution.

1. Freytag's Pyramid

this first story structure i will be talking about was named after 19th century German novelist and playwright.

it is a five point structure that is based off classical Greek tragedies such as Sophocles, Aeschylus and Euripedes.

Freytag's Pyramid structure consists of:

Introduction: the status quo has been established and an inciting incident occurs.

Rise or rising action: the protagonist will search and try to achieve their goal, heightening the stakes,

Climax: the protagonist can no longer go back, the point of no return if you will.

Return or fall: after the climax of the story, tension builds and the story inevitably heads towards...

Catastrophe: the main character has reached their lowest point and their greatest fears have come into fruition.

this structure is used less and less nowadays in modern storytelling mainly due to readers lack of appetite for tragic narratives.

2. The Hero's Journey

the hero's journey is a very well known and popular form of storytelling.

it is very popular in modern stories such as Star Wars, and movies in the MCU.

although the hero's journey was inspired by Joseph Campbell's concept, a Disney executive Christopher Vogler has created a simplified version:

The Ordinary World: The hero's everyday routine and life is established.

The Call of Adventure: the inciting incident.

Refusal of the Call: the hero / protagonist is hesitant or reluctant to take on the challenges.

Meeting the Mentor: the hero meets someone who will help them and prepare them for the dangers ahead.

Crossing the First Threshold: first steps out of the comfort zone are taken.

Tests, Allie, Enemies: new challenges occur, and maybe new friends or enemies.

Approach to the Inmost Cave: hero approaches goal.

The Ordeal: the hero faces their biggest challenge.

Reward (Seizing the Sword): the hero manages to get ahold of what they were after.

The Road Back: they realize that their goal was not the final hurdle, but may have actually caused a bigger problem than before.

Resurrection: a final challenge, testing them on everything they've learned.

Return with the Elixir: after succeeding they return to their old life.

the hero's journey can be applied to any genre of fiction.

3. Three Act Structure:

this structure splits the story into the 'beginning, middle and end' but with in-depth components for each act.

Act 1: Setup:

exposition: the status quo or the ordinary life is established.

inciting incident: an event sets the whole story into motion.

plot point one: the main character decided to take on the challenge head on and she crosses the threshold and the story is now progressing forward.

Act 2: Confrontation:

rising action: the stakes are clearer and the hero has started to become familiar with the new world and begins to encounter enemies, allies and tests.

midpoint: an event that derails the protagonists mission.

plot point two: the hero is tested and fails, and begins to doubt themselves.

Act 3: Resolution:

pre-climax: the hero must chose between acting or failing.

climax: they fights against the antagonist or danger one last time, but will they succeed?

Denouement: loose ends are tied up and the reader discovers the consequences of the climax, and return to ordinary life.

4. Dan Harmon's Story Circle

it surprised me to know the creator of Rick and Morty had their own variation of Campbell's hero's journey.

the benefit of Harmon's approach is that is focuses on the main character's arc.

it makes sense that he has such a successful structure, after all the show has multiple seasons, five or six seasons? i don't know not a fan of the show.

the character is in their comfort zone: also known as the status quo or ordinary life.

they want something: this is a longing and it can be brought forth by an inciting incident.

the character enters and unfamiliar situation: they must take action and do something new to pursue what they want.

adapt to it: of course there are challenges, there is struggle and begin to succeed.

they get what they want: often a false victory.

a heavy price is paid: a realization of what they wanted isn't what they needed.

back to the good old ways: they return to their familiar situation yet with a new truth.

having changed: was it for the better or worse?

i might actually make a operate post going more in depth about dan harmon's story circle.

5. Fichtean Curve:

the fichtean curve places the main character in a series of obstacles in order to achieve their goal.

this structure encourages writers to write a story packed with tension and mini-crises to keep the reader engaged.

The Rising Action

the story must start with an inciting indecent.

then a series of crisis arise.

there are often four crises.

2. The Climax:

3. Falling Action

this type of story telling structure goes very well with flash-back structured story as well as in theatre.

6. Save the Cat Beat Sheet:

this is another variation of a three act structure created by screenwriter Blake Snyder, and is praised widely by champion storytellers.

Structure for Save the Cat is as follows: (the numbers in the brackets are for the number of pages required, assuming you're writing a 110 page screenplay)

Opening Image [1]: The first shot of the film. If you’re starting a novel, this would be an opening paragraph or scene that sucks readers into the world of your story.

Set-up [1-10]. Establishing the ‘ordinary world’ of your protagonist. What does he want? What is he missing out on?

Theme Stated [5]. During the setup, hint at what your story is really about — the truth that your protagonist will discover by the end.

Catalyst [12]. The inciting incident!

Debate [12-25]. The hero refuses the call to adventure. He tries to avoid the conflict before they are forced into action.

Break into Two [25]. The protagonist makes an active choice and the journey begins in earnest.

B Story [30]. A subplot kicks in. Often romantic in nature, the protagonist’s subplot should serve to highlight the theme.

The Promise of the Premise [30-55]. Often called the ‘fun and games’ stage, this is usually a highly entertaining section where the writer delivers the goods. If you promised an exciting detective story, we’d see the detective in action. If you promised a goofy story of people falling in love, let’s go on some charmingly awkward dates.

Midpoint [55]. A plot twist occurs that ups the stakes and makes the hero’s goal harder to achieve — or makes them focus on a new, more important goal.

Bad Guys Close In [55-75]. The tension ratchets up. The hero’s obstacles become greater, his plan falls apart, and he is on the back foot.

All is Lost [75]. The hero hits rock bottom. He loses everything he’s gained so far, and things are looking bleak. The hero is overpowered by the villain; a mentor dies; our lovebirds have an argument and break up.

Dark Night of the Soul [75-85-ish]. Having just lost everything, the hero shambles around the city in a minor-key musical montage before discovering some “new information” that reveals exactly what he needs to do if he wants to take another crack at success. (This new information is often delivered through the B-Story)

Break into Three [85]. Armed with this new information, our protagonist decides to try once more!

Finale [85-110]. The hero confronts the antagonist or whatever the source of the primary conflict is. The truth that eluded him at the start of the story (established in step three and accentuated by the B Story) is now clear, allowing him to resolve their story.

Final Image [110]. A final moment or scene that crystallizes how the character has changed. It’s a reflection, in some way, of the opening image.

(all information regarding the save the cat beat sheet was copy and pasted directly from reedsy!)

7. Seven Point Story Structure:

this structure encourages writers to start with the at the end, with the resolution, and work their way back to the starting point.

this structure is about dramatic changes from beginning to end

The Hook. Draw readers in by explaining the protagonist’s current situation. Their state of being at the beginning of the novel should be in direct contrast to what it will be at the end of the novel.

Plot Point 1. Whether it’s a person, an idea, an inciting incident, or something else — there should be a "Call to Adventure" of sorts that sets the narrative and character development in motion.

Pinch Point 1. Things can’t be all sunshine and roses for your protagonist. Something should go wrong here that applies pressure to the main character, forcing them to step up and solve the problem.

Midpoint. A “Turning Point” wherein the main character changes from a passive force to an active force in the story. Whatever the narrative’s main conflict is, the protagonist decides to start meeting it head-on.

Pinch Point 2. The second pinch point involves another blow to the protagonist — things go even more awry than they did during the first pinch point. This might involve the passing of a mentor, the failure of a plan, the reveal of a traitor, etc.

Plot Point 2. After the calamity of Pinch Point 2, the protagonist learns that they’ve actually had the key to solving the conflict the whole time.

Resolution. The story’s primary conflict is resolved — and the character goes through the final bit of development necessary to transform them from who they were at the start of the novel.

(all information regarding the seven point story structure was copy and pasted directly from reedsy!)

i decided to fit all of them in one post instead of making it a two part post.

i hope you all enjoy this post and feel free to comment or reblog which structure you use the most, or if you have your own you prefer to use! please share with me!

if you find this useful feel free to reblog on instagram and tag me at perpetualstories

Follow my tumblr and instagram for more writing and grammar tips and more!

"I'm a writer" ok how often do you write

HURT/COMFORT DIALOGUE PROMPTS:

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here."

"I'm not leaving you, [name]."

"You're not alone, I promise."

"You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing to apologize for."

"C'mere, let me hold you-"

"Sure, we can snuggle if it will make you feel better."

"Here, hold my hand."

"This is gonna hurt like a bitch, but I have to stitch up that wound."

"Show me where it hurts."

"I know you're hurt, [name]."

"Let me take care of it, alright? You need to rest."

"I'm here to take care of you, [name]."

"There's no shame in crying. I promise."

"Let me take care of things for once, alright?"

"Don't worry, it'll get better soon."

A list of winter aesthetics

Holding hands under blankets

Listening to old songs and letting them carry you to an another time

Owning a journal and filling it with your favourite moments of the season so you won't forget about them because they will become moments from your past one day so they are important

Picking up a random book from your dusty shelf and daring to finish it

Covering yourself with tones of clothes from head to toe

Sleepovers with friends

Having lunch dates with friends in their car while the rain is pouring outside

Hydrating and moisturizing

Drawing symbols on the windows covered with humidity

Spending your free time napping or getting cozy under your blankets while watching your favorite movie

Making handmade cards then sending them to your dearest people

Rescuing stray cats and giving them shelter

Romanticizing your life by thinking that everything you do is worth the care and admiration

Reading, reading and reading

Going to art exhibitions of artists you've never heard of

Long walks alone or with your friends and making up back stories for people you see on the street

Waking up early than usual when the world is still asleep

Listening to some playlists made by strangers on the internet

The agreeable warmth of your cocoa cup between your hands

Feeling the delicate coldness of the snowflakes on your skin

How to Kick a Reader in the Gut

Disrupt the reader’s sense of justice. 

This generally means setting a character up to deserve one thing and then giving them the exact opposite. 

Kill a character off before they can achieve their goal. 

Let the bad guy get an extremely important win. 

Set up a coup against a tyrannical king. The coup fails miserably.

Don’t always give characters closure. 

(Excluding the end of the book, obviously)

A beloved friend dies in battle and there’s no time to mourn him.

A random tryst between two main characters is not (or cannot be) brought up again.

A character suddenly loses their job or can otherwise no longer keep up their old routine

Make it the main character’s fault sometimes. 

And not in an “imposter syndrome” way. Make your MC do something bad, and make the blame they shoulder for it heavy and tangible.

MC must choose the lesser of two evils.

MC kills someone they believe to be a bad guy, only to later discover the bad guy was a different person altogether.

Rejection is a powerful tool. 

People generally want to be understood, and if you can make a character think they are Known, and then rip that away from them with a rejection (romantic or platonic) people will empathize with it.

MC is finally accepting the Thing They Must Do/Become, and their love interest decides that that’s not a path they want to be on and breaks up with them

MC makes a decision they believe is right, everyone around them thinks they chose wrong.

MC finds kinship with someone Like Them, at long last, but that person later discovers that there is some inherent aspect of MC that they wholly reject. (Perhaps it was MC’s fault that their family member died, they have important religious differences, or WERE THE BAD GUY ALL ALONG!)

On the flipside, make your main character keep going. 

Push them beyond what they are capable of, and then push them farther. Make them want something so deeply that they are willing to do literally anything to get it. Give them passion and drive and grit and more of that than they have fear.

“But what if my MC is quiet and meek?” Even better. They want something so deeply that every single moment they push themselves toward it is a moment spent outside their comfort zone. What must that do to a person?

Obviously, don’t do all of these things, or the story can begin to feel tedious or overly dramatic, and make sure that every decision you make is informed by your plot first and foremost. 

Also remember that the things that make us sad, angry, or otherwise emotional as readers are the same things that make us feel that way in our day-to-day lives. Creating an empathetic main character is the foundation for all of the above tips.

Writing has two stages:

1. you can't stop

2. you can't start to save your life

Pet names to use instead of "Darling,"

Got tired of always using either "kitten" or "darling" so I came up with some more and decided to share ♡

Doll

Sugar

Dear

Honey

Kitten

Peanut

Sugarplum

Teacup

Boo

Love

Lovely

Sunshine

Button

Perfect

Good lookin'

Snapdragon

Romeo

Buttercup

Gorgeous/Handsome

Angel

Matchsticks

Pumpkin

Cupcake

Sweetheart

Eye candy

North Star

Fruit cake

Muffin

Jelly bean

Dragonfly

Mouse

Cherry Blossom

Firefly

Sweet Cheeks

Honeysuckle

Dumpling

Dream Boat

Bumble bee

Butterfly

Lady Bug

Casanova

Shutterbug

Angel Cakes

Pretty Boy/Girl/One

Sunbeam

Angel Face

Monkey

Chipmunk

Chickadee

Mocking Jay

Golden Boy/Girl

Solar Flare

Sparrow

Bunny

Buttercream

Cutie Pie

Lamb Chop

Hot Stuff

Baby Doll

Carebear

Babe

Kit-kat

Honeybun

Pudding Pop

Sunflower

Roses

Flower

Bluebell

Cinnamon bun

Sweetie Pie

Puppy

Pussy Cat

Dearie

Gum Drop

Princess/Prince

Lollipop

Bear Cub

Teddy Bear

Robin

Pancake

Bluejay

White Knight

Gingersnap

Sundail

Dove

Starlight

Dew Drop

Cuddle bug

Sparks

Peaches

Sweet pea

"And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in."

- Jane Austen