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Behind Smiles

lonely but I disguise it

mask sadness behind smiles

hold my chin up

though I’m far from proud

silence is my shame is loud

scared but I bury it

feel like I’m living all alone

but surround myself with others

friends and family and lovers

to make my house a home

because inside I’m…

lonely, I’m only

a pretender to happiness

master of selling dreams

illusions and magic tricks

it seems

in time I’ll be fine

even if it’s by feigned design

still, I’ll smile

and say hello…

because I wouldn’t want you to know

©️ @followcb ☆ January 28, 2021

1 notes

It’s the same eyes,
   with an unfamiliar stare.
It’s from the same lips,
   but it speaks without care.

It is the same voice,
   but with a different tone.
It’s from the same built,
   although the stance has grown.

It’s from the same hand,
   with grip that’s angry…
The same hug,
   one compelled with familiarity.

I’ve known him all my life –
   until now.
He may be the same person,
   but not someone I know, somehow.


0 notes

Color Me Postivity

make me the sun

sunflower yellow

so I can shine for everyone,

paint me, a cobalt sky

deep, blue shades of confidence

for all our beautiful tomorrows,

a vital red rose

rich, crimson, velvet petals

because I know how you love those

the way a forest marries green

rolling fields amid verdant trees,

relax and soothe

as only nature tends to do,

allow me to share

every drop of my positivity with you

color wheels of possibilities,

vibrancy and warm energy

frequency of happiness

hues of lovingness

gorgeous blooms for you,

perfect cures for our daily blues

©️ @followcb ☆ January 28, 2021

9 notes


Isn’t it captivating 

Being eaten alive

By your own emotions?

Day in and day out,

Buckling under the weight 

of self-sustained happiness…

…Or sadness.

0 notes

Musing #20

Chaotic Afterthoughts

How do I have the audacity to lash out over how everything in my life is temporary, when my own thoughts don’t show any remote sense of permanance in my own fucking head?

I have to wait a couple of business days to see if the feeling to do or act a certain way stays within me, only then can I act on it.

So tell me how am I supposed to stay put somewhere and make decisions and plans based on my impulse right at the moment, when I can’t trust myself with the never-ever-long-lasting nature of my own promises?

This is what it feels like, every thought, overthought, every decision, overanalysed.

I can’t just be. But then again, ‘they’ label it as the 'beauty of it all’.

But do these 'they’ realise how fucked up your mind is, it’s a chaotic place where every step you’ve ever taken affects and almost always burns to the very last fibre of the next step’s chances of even happening, do 'they’ care? The answer is nope.

No one cares. That’s another realisation I’ve come to terms with these past few weeks. Over and over again. It’s like, I get it ok? No need to keep replaying scenarios with variable characters. I don’t have that many characters I actually really deeply care about. Don’t ruin what little I’ve got.

But then again, is this life fair? Has it ever been? Yes yes the answer is still a big stares-you-in-your-face-till-you-can-choke-on-your-own-breath NO!

It’s monumentally catastrophic heartbreak at it’s best. Can you do anything about it? Yeah you know the answer already… But… Oh wait, there is no but, it’s just how things are, isn’t it?

Gulp it down, swallow it whole, or choke on it. You have no other choice but to accept the things you can’t help or change. 🤷

- B 🎈

2 notes

A Haiku on mornings

when the sun wakes up

and the birds sing morning’s song

dance the dance of hope

— M. A Noor.

1 notes

you should have known

a little kindness with 

a few well placed words

so small as 

it will be okay


i’m thinking of you

instead of this misaligned sunrise

you placed in my hands

could have saved me


while i was finding the door

out of hell

8 notes


He cast his voice

Like a fishing hook

Out into the sea.

He tried his best

To break the glass

That held him from humanity.

But no matter how far

He cast his voice,

Nor how hard he tried to scream,

He never could catch an ear,

Or crack the glass beyond the screen.

—Aurora, Spirals, poem 50

4 notes

Somewhere along my bloodline there must have been a Wanderer.

A Woman that could never help nor understand the fire in bones,

the honey in her voice,

or why the broken flocked to her like birds.


6 notes

how does softness remain? you’re overwhelming in the exact manner
i need you to be – all-encompassing like gravity, i fall to you always.
there are better ways to illustrate my point, but i fail often with words;
there’s never enough words to capture the depth of this yearning for
you. perhaps, this is a side-effect of being malleable by your hands only,
maybe one has to become inundated with all types of love to categorize
whatever this is, maybe we stumbled across something new. dawn brings
something new, and here i am, angry at sunrise for taking away the same
moon that watches over you. i’ve never been scared of spilling, i’m certain
you’ll find just the right vessel to catch me in. i never know where you end
and where i begin; you’ve convinced me of the infinite. i’ll tear myself apart
and find what remains. how do your words remain? how do you still remain?

6 notes

She was made up

from the remnants

of a star,

with little heart

that glooms from the

nebulas of gold,

never thought of

misery being her

own shadow,

her groom for

a while, but still

with hope,

she flares

much brighter

than the sun.

Semjase 9: 08 / 01-28-21

5 notes

What Growing Up Is Like

I am ten

My mom packs me a sandwich and juice

I tell her about how biology is better than math


I walk to my school

A familiar path

The neighbor’s cat pretending to be a dog

The tired tree leaning on the street

How strong she is for still holding it together

And not falling down

That turn where I once stood waiting for mom

As I get closer I see a friend or two

We share the same passion

To graduate

and leave that place once and for all

Then one day

I woke up

I felt like myself

“I have math today” I thought

And so I went out

No breakfast packed


walked that same path

Only this time

The cat is actually a dog

The tree is gone

My mom is not here to take me home

I get closer but

No friends to be seen

New faces I’ve never known

My passion now is to teach

I’m in my twenties

How come?

I think

I think I’d slept through my math classes

— M. A Noor.

1 notes

i’m stuck between rooms, between spaces
caught between assailants
with their stinging words and shattered dishes
i sweep the pieces under the rug
and go to sleep in the hallway

i’m stuck between words, between pages
caught between stories
with their tangled plots and tattered heroes
i hold the pages close to my chest
and dream i live among them

i’m stuck between times; between ages
caught between lives
with their uneasy pasts and unknown futures
i shove it all into the attic
and pray it doesn’t haunt me

6 notes

I am making a

paradise from

my neurons.

Razors bake in

the sun, becoming

liquid coding.

The numbers flash

before me as they

drive away wicked

ideas of

planetary suicide.

It’s so clear that

I can


see myself in

the oasis.

3 notes

a dream isnt love

though you can commit to a dream

and you can commit to love,

love rides on the rush of a dream sometimes

but a dream is a fragile gem

it turns to ice

it melts to mist

it isnt love.

love might begin with a dream

but thats just a seedling of love.

love takes root and grows far beyond

anything a dream could deliver.

if you live your life for a dream

no wonder it ends this way.

1 notes

long time no see so here is a poem i wrote as a reminder that although often emotions feel like they might take over us, there is always another day

-a reminder a friend told me - feelings come in peaks and valleys

this night

you will get through this night,

the star speckled sky

guiding you

breathe these tiny fires,

holding your hand

this night will pass

heavy vines,

smother your soul

your eyes will see light again

constellations on your skin,

your mind,

an explosion deep within

a lonely star,

guided by the moon

speckled truths

in starlight


inside your hands


the blurry skyline


inevitably impossible fantasies

to spend it with you,


how sensational.


3 notes

I miss you

I was tempted to send you my poem I wrote for you, so there would be no doubt in your mind that I really did love you, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not when I was the one who ended it out of spite, out of the pain that kept stabbing at my heart, out of all the thoughts going on inside my head because I think too much, making up scenarios in my head that didn’t exist, out of thoughts that your feelings for me were not as real as mine were for you.

I wanted to call you and hear your voice because I missed you this morning when I woke up, like I missed you always, always needing to hear your voice, to be in your presence whether or not we had anything to talk about, but I knew that wasn’t fair for you when I always doubted your love, when I questioned your sanity for loving someone like me… So here I continue to sit, tears betraying my eyes as they fall down my cheeks no matter how much I try to hold them back.



7 notes