Deny deny why try?
Wanting seems a massive
Waste of time, a wayward
Impasse to cross
Tease and dot eyes
Spark flickering, fading in
And out weighed down by desire
Cumulative fascination coated
In guilt of gratification
Body of evidence--the nerve
Disuse does not defuse
Though refusing to acknowledge
Yearning still surges
Urges crackling undeterred
Under a subzero surface
The runaway rains
Which poured down hills
Collecting in pools
Where foundations sank
As their deluge drowned
Those cellars hid
Of lives long past
And swallowing tears
God had shed -
Like ships on land
When artifacts lost
Knowing basements hold
Darkened from sin.
Will never preserve
What nature’s wrath
Has deemed frivolous -
Strewn among puddles,
Now sentimental junk
Gone to waste.
I can’t escape
How time sinks slowly,
Escape is impossible
My past out at sea.
Through disastrous fate
Means uncovering clocks
Found broken -
Hope completely shattered,
Stopped for good
After surges subside.
⁃ J. Pigno
ghost of you
a lingering touch on my arm
a quick hug against your side.
gently, you interlace your fingers with mine
just as gently, you press a kiss to my temple.
your thumbs catch the tears on my cheek
and your arms hold me tight against your chest.
your sweet words bring a smile to my face
and your low voice brings an ache to my stomach.
i miss you
deeply, terribly, painfully.
i miss you, yet i don't even know you.
maybe one day i'll meet you
or someone like you,
and i can finally tell them the words
i so desperately wish to say to you.
Wake up besties next chapter dropped
Title: home is where the heart is
Trigger warning: mention and slight description of a road accident.
DYING? IS THAT A COPING MECHANISM?
Please donot repost!!
It feels like toast
Keanu Reeves and
going back to bed
finding silly memes
to send you
A fresh box of crayons,
my favorite cookies in stock;
the first breeze
after quitting my job.
A safety nobody knows
Is a place
Where you hold me close
You touch away the pain
Like a cold quilt
on a desolate day
I drive all night looking for you
But I’m on the wrong continent
I reach out for your hand to hold
But I don’t know where you went
You are all of the places I cannot go
All of the experiences I will never know
You are elusive—reflections between mirrors and smoke
You are the moonlight shining upon
Freshly fallen snow
I don’t know where to go from here
Are you further away or almost near
You are the firefly outside my window
Visiting before I sleep
I try to catch you in my dreams
But you always slip away from me
—Michelle Dana Sabado
I don’t want to be on your mind,
I want to be in your arms.
Write my name in the stars,
tell my secrets to the sun,
sing my favorite songs to the moon,
make the universe remember me
long after I’m gone. Love me,
for in your heart, I’ll live forever.
- Ely C. Winters. | Forever
that moment when you listen to a taylor swift song for the 130th time and suddenly understand a lyric you didn't before and you go like "now everything makes sense”
Outside the window framing
A Christmas card picturesque
Landscape, earth shivers below
Winter's austere vestments.
Inside there is close-knit
Everyone settled in or trying to be
The baby perfectly content having
Fallen asleep on me for the third
Time in 24 hours; I'm content
To watch her sleep while taking in
The interactions of others, at times
Contributing to conversations
In quiet tones yet resounding interest
From the lovingly worn window seat.
Not paradise but nice all the same
In a small-town slice of life kinda way
Don't think I'd trade it for anything
These are the honest-to-goodness
Moments of togetherness in which
Familial bonds get maintained.
on cicada wings
If I had patterns
on my tongue,
like cicadas do on their wings
- tiny structures
nanopillars, that stretch
and obliterate bacterial membranes;
I would say your name once
- one last time,
and make peace
with the deafening
© SoulReserve 2021
i've gotten so used to it,
living with that buzz in my brain.
the background noise
telling me to move,
it whispers of incomplete tasks and
people lost along the way
i've gotten so used to it though,
that it merely adds
a touch of weight to my shoulders,
disappearing when my mother pulls them back, correcting my posture.
the sound is all but gone
when i'm with my friends,
shouting out the lyrics
of the songs that shaped our childhood,
looking out of the car window
as the glowing lights flash past.
red, white, warm yellow.
the sound is gone
until i'm alone again.
but, still, it's nothing more than a buzz
one i ignore,
telling myself i'm fine.
the new year's given me that:
the ability to believe I'm fine, truly.
i've been walking at the edge of the waves
positivity, optimism, gratitude.
i repeat these, louder than the buzz,
but the waves gently lick at my feet,
threatening to wreck all I've built
the sandcastle standing precariously
on foundations of a new year and hopeful words.
i'm scared of my poetry now.
words i pulled out of my chest
by piercing my heart with thorns and needles
until they spilled out,
red and raw.
but i've decided to do it anyway.
pick up the pen
invite the buzz into the foreground.
dig holes that welcome the sea in streams
into the moat around my sandcastle.
it's a new year
so i've decided to trust myself.
trust that i can control the stream.
trust that my words won't drown me
and if they do—
trust that i can get back up to the surface.
Wake up besties another shitty poem dropped
TIDDI: AN UNENDING STORY I'VE LOST COUNT WHICH PART
You know how I always said
I don’t know what you are to me
I’ve realised I might just know
why I think of you while I tread
you’re the candle flame that was
supposed to last only one night
but endeavoured to burn until
the morning after a blackout
you’re the butterfly I managed to catch
in the playground in 4th grade
that chose not to fly away instantly
and stayed on my palm longer
you’re the cup of tea that never turns cold
despite the time I take to drink it
you’re my mother who never stops showing up
despite the number of times I’ve been mean
that you’re the indefinite force
allowing me to write these words
and you’re exactly where I want to be
I may not be physically around you
or be in touch with you forever
but I broke my being into pieces
and hid them in the pockets
of your favourite clothes
enclosed between the pages of books
that you had yet to finish
inside your favourite coffee mug
beside your pillowcase
in between your fingers
behind your ears
and underneath your eyelids
I broke my being into pieces
and left them everywhere
for I know you still think of me
for I know you still think of me, don’t you?
Please don't repost. Reblogs and comments are welcome
I never stopped looking for you
No wardrobe was spared
as I foraged through winter coats,
lion sweaters and shoes
Fighting wolves and white witches
walking home from school,
only to lose track of you in college
trying to be fucking cool,
indulging in those Turkish delights
I swore I would never do.
Still reaching for you,
stumbling back to Narnia, 3 AM
punch drunk on playground booze
Jungle gym perched with nothing to lose,
I s c r e a m e d your name
across the sky!
shocked as I said my own;
told them not to worry,
"I'm only high."
Took the long way back home alone,
midwinter blue and blurry-eyed;
followed a trail
of my favorite pair of jeans,
blankets, quilts, hoodies, and pine,
where I found you
carving our name into the floorboards,
eyes reaching out in kind
I asked you to scooch over,
poured tea for our stuffed animals
as we giggled in wardrobe light
Just two kids (one soul)
awake past our bedtime.
- inner child
Things I Tell Myself
There comes a point, where freedom loses its definition within the self. It's when you reach for your own hand and find it evaporating into thin air before you even have the chance to touch skin. It’s when you realize you’re lost and in a place so hopeless there’s no chance to begin again. You feel trapped inside your own body, and no matter how hard you try you can’t escape, you’re chained, and breaking free isn’t found as an option anymore; you've tried everything. You lose yourself and in the process, you become a different person and you question who it is you even are because it feels like you're battling your soul with a body lifeless and dull.
Depression is like having the real you be hidden behind a door covered in locks, and you’re there on both sides. One of you is banging on the door trying to figure out the keys that’ll free you from the monsters that are holding you hostage and the other side holds the broken you, where all freedom is lost. It's a loss that can't be understood until you've laid on that opposite side of the door, where you're crawled in a ball with wings destroyed and you sit there because even if you try, you know you can't get up and fly.
I know I said I’d be fine
If we ended it tonight
But I lied
I’m not ready to lose you
You are my guiding light
Trust me, I’ve tried
Not to get so attached to you
Not to get caught up in you
In my daydreams
If only they could come true
It’s hard when you tell me
That dreaming won’t hurt
Don’t you know
I’d throw myself on the fire first
Because you are the kindest person I know
I am in limbo
Between feeling too much and being in love
It’s hard not to get what you want
But when it comes down to it
I only want you
In any form or fashion
It’s always you
So I will take what I can get
An hour or a moment
You will always be the best part of my day
So please stay
—Michelle Dana Sabado
Cannot be blamed
For what this heart
Speaks blindly -
An uncensored pulse
Such missing beats
Of natural hurt
Where cadence breaks
With absent cause.
Through those sounds
Like verses stuttered,
Sing instead -
Between each pause,
Just never answers
Any question posed
Can save no soul
Even if belief
Much how doctors
Preach their gospel
All fools ingest.
Play God through work.
I see most
Place hope in numbers -
Yet my ills
Prove lyrical courage,
While catching breath.
⁃ J. Pigno