#writing to cope

[family-oddity]

#vent #my writing #ventcore #vent edit #my edit #actually cptsd #anxious attachment #attachment issues #coping #writing to cope #i love him

[highvaluewomb]

you cannot repent enough to justify your existence, you have to let it go.

#core core #hope core #writing to cope #radical acceptance #weird core #goats

[korra-northeast-germany]

Tw: eating disorder, food in a bad light. Dissocistion. If there's a chance you'll be triggered do not read!!! You have been warned

I'm not hungry

"Mammon come eat it's almost 10 am" Beel frowns, looking at his older brother, it's been a while since he's seen Mammon eat with the family and maybe he just likes eating alone? No he couldn't accept that something as telling him otherwise.

"No thank you Beel, I'm not hungry." The older sibling turns the younger away with a gentle reassuring smile. He wasn't hungry no not at all. "I'll eat later I promise." He heads back to his room, allowing himself to huddle up within his bed and watch some YouTube on his computer.

☆☆☆☆☆☆

"Mammon it's lunch time, Lucifer's calling for you come join us won't you?" Levi sounded annoyed, why the hell was Mammon taking so long? He skipped breakfast didn't he? Why would he skip lunch?

"Nah not hungry plus I'm busy with something Kay?" Mammon spoke from the other side of the room. "And tell Luci to shove his head up his ass" a mustered up giggle. It was not fake it was so authentic, of course it was Mammon was indulging in his favourite YouTuber after all.

"Fine fine whatever" Levi made his way back to the others.

☆☆☆☆☆

It was dinner time, Mammon forced himself out of his room to eat be with his siblings otherwise Lucifer would get pissy with him and he's get accused of stealing. Like always.

"There you are Mammon you having eaten all day" frowned the eldest "come join us will you?" His brother, of course he offered. Lucifer didn't like when Mammon doesn't eat for long periods of time. It worried him.

Dinner was tense for Mammon for he wasn't actually hungry. Instead the more Mammom consumed the food given to him, the more his stomach felt like it would burst and or he would need to vomit. 'Fuck me I hate this' thought the demon of greed. "You know what, beel you can hsve the rest of my food slright I'm not hungry" he gives the rest to the 5th born, pats his head, then returns to his room.

☆☆☆☆☆

It was past 12. Usually humans angels and even some demons such as himself were asleep by now. It's late everyone needs to be ready for whatever daily chore they have to do. Well not mammon. He was still awake with an upset stomach for having not eaten a proper amount of food. how he hated that feeling, he needed it to go away. Cautiously he leaves his room, slowly and as quietly as possible making his way into the kitchen to grab some bread and jam. 'Who doesn't like a midnight snack like bread and jam.'

Yet as he quietly spread the delicious jam upon his piece of nicely toasted bread, he was approached by a not so good mooded Lucifer. "Mammon..." Fuck why was he up? No one is ever up when he does this so why now? Why now of all times? "You should not be up by now, it's past 12 you should be asleep. Don't you know other people are sleeping?" Blah. Blah. Blah. The greed lord does not answer, his mind shutting down in favour of his founds focused on the jam spreading task. He doesn't notice his elder sibling leave until he's already long gone.

"...did....did I just get scolded for wanting toast.." He grunts. "Whatever I'm not that hungry anyway. He quickly cleans up taking said toast to his room boy to not eat any of it, instead throwing it outside where it's eaten by the racoons that lurked the streets.

That night Mammon goes hungry.

That night toast will never be considered a safe food ever again.

A/n: Mammon it's time for me to project my feelings upon you :). Also caring brothers? Real??!!

#obey me mammon #obey me #the great mammon #om! mammon #obey me oneshot #mammon needs a hug #om! leviathan #om! lucifer #mammon centric #mammon angst #toast = bad #mammon suffers like always. #om! beelzebub #the brothers care #eating disoder #arthor is projecting again #writing to cope

[rumoredr3birth]

The love I carry was passed to me by my mother

Our family tree rots with this violent malicious love

My grandmother never loved gently till her lover died

My mother killed parts of my father to find her peace

I think I hate you

I think of you standing infront of me & I don’t yearn to kiss you anymore

I want to hurt you & no matter how many times you apologize I still need to punish you for all you did to my love

My love, something I thought I didnt inherit, runs through me with the anger of a bull

I blow out hot air & I stomp my feet at the mention of you

I see red

Where I used to feel cold I now run hot

Venom pools in my mouth & I bite my tongue for you

I’ll step away like my father before me

Im the only piece of him my mother has yet to kill

When you open the gates I won’t stamped

I’ll look you in the eyes

& with my fathers voice booming from my chest I scream

I love you

Decades of love burn for you

Your on fire

Red hot fire

I run because it’s all I know

All I was very taught

I hope you can dodge

-y

#rumoredr3birth #writeblr #writing #literature #poetic #bad poetry #poem #poetry #writers on tumblr #writing to cope #writers and poets #writblr #writerscorner #writerscommunity #poets on tumblr #poems and poetry #not a poet just get emo & ryhme #is this poetry? #generational trauma #family #familia #family trauma #trauma #trans poetry #trans writers #wtf else do i put here #hispanics #literatura hispanoamericana

[zephyrionschattenflug]

Keep the thoughts at bay

Keep the thoughts at bay.

The black ichor oozing

out of long forgotten scars

infected with that bitter poison.

Ugly, ugly-

Silence!

Keep out the frantic bats

swarming my clouded head.

The rats feeding

biting, greedily clawing

at the crevices of my mind.

Alone, they won't leave me

alone.

The whispers haunting me.

Worthless, worthless.

Keep in the darkness

drowning, suffocating you,

keep it all inside.

No one loves you.

Hollow, hollow.

No one listens.

There's no meaning.

Kill yours-

I put pen to paper

and I channel the shadows,

insatiable beasts, bleeding for me,

their ink flows at my behest,

as I keep the thoughts at bay.

#depressing poem #original poem #depression struggles #depression thoughts #creative writing #writing to cope #d3pression #depr3ssion #my poem #poetry #my writing

[psych0catt]

prompt #2

"I-I'm so sorry, I've ruined you"

"no such thing happened. my injuries will act as memoirs, so I will never forget where our love began"

#writing tips and tricks #writing tips #writing prompt #writing #writing techniques #writing tag #writing tool #writing to cope #writing teaser #bts fanfic #bts army #romance prompts #romance #enimies to lovers

[rheingoldweg12a]

Can’t sleep. And am I really writing my very first Thiel/Boerne-Story, in which Alberich isn’t even mentioned. Well what a strange day indeed. 

#writing again #it just came over me #tatort münster #fanfiction #thiel/boerne #strange day #writing to heal #writing to cope #is that what finally breaks this writer's block

[catra-writes]

Burn Book

started writing and doodling in my pyromania journal and accidentally wrote a song with it so here we go

Oh Fuck, the page is on fire

i got burned i must have played with fire

maybe next, i'll get drowned false hope of being doused being saved

go to hell (x4) fuck you (x3) fuck you, go to hell

light your way strike a match burn the pain away

burn (x3) burn (x3)

Destroy me rip and tear burn and blaze

Oh Fuck, the page is on fire

i got burned i must have played with fire

maybe next, i'll get drowned false hope of being doused being saved

crumple, crumple use me to destress your blazing mind

burn this book when its full coping with pyromania light a your way strike a match burn the pain away

#pyromania #pyromaniac #burn book #wreck this journal #lyrics by london #vent lyrics #lyric writing #original lyrics #song lyrics #original song #vent song #song writing #song by catra #song by london #song about fire #catras lyrics #lyrics by me #lyrics from my book #coping writing #writing to cope #coping with pyromania #coping through lyrics #writing blog #personal writing blog #catra saves #coping with lyrics #messy writing

[justheretop0st]

Honest

“How long have you felt this way?”

Silence. There was nothing that hurt worse than silence. It maintained a tingling pain throughout her chest. Her eyes wanted to release tears, but none fell. Her lips wanted to shout, but no words left their confines. Her skin wanted to be hot, but it just prickled with cold needles. She needed to save face, she was in the laundromat parking lot. People could only see her holding her phone in front of her, but would anyone ever truly know what was happening in this moment? Probably not.

“For a year and a half.”

“So what did you think would happen if you brought it up when you felt like that?” She knew the exact answer. Perhaps there was to much strain put on their relationship. Perhaps it was doomed from the beginning, not because it was long distance but because his family believed that they were destined for each other. What a destiny.

“That I would hurt you. That we would break up the group dynamic. That you would drink? That everyone would stick their nose in what happened.”

This was a reasonable fear. It was completely valid. But it didn’t make the tingling ease up. No. It made it worse. “Well, you’re the type of man to tell people to shut up and mind their own business. I would too. We don’t have to tell anyone. Am I hurt? Yes. But not because you feel like this. I’m hurt because you waited. You’ve said so yourself, ‘when I lose interest in something, I lose motivation and just stop doing whatever it is.’ You lost interest in this relationship, you lost motivation, but you kept this going. You wasted my time and you wasted your time.”

Taking a deep breath somehow made the pain worse. Perhaps it was pressing against her heart and perhaps it was the blood she could hear throbbing in her ears. “I am upset. But not because you feel like this. People drift apart and it’s ok. You said long distance relationships are doomed to fail from the beginning. Yet you pursued it with me, with no sign or word of how you truly felt. Now, I want you to be happy. Even if it isn’t with me. But take what I’m telling you to heart. Learn from it and apply it. Be honest with your person. I would have preferred you told me back then, versus now. Because we wouldn’t have wasted the time. It would have saved me the energy of keeping this relationship going.”

He was silent through it all. Perhaps he took this time to eat his Pizza Rolls. But he was silent and let her speak her peace. Maybe it was because she wasn’t yelling at him. In fact, she was relatively calm. Her voice was cracking, but under the circumstances, it was to be expected. But every once in a while, she would hear a sniffle. She did hope that he wouldn’t be as upset as her. She was glad that she decided to talk to him. She was glad that even though he didn’t want to, he still was willing.

“Now, if I have to be the bad guy I will. I think we should call it. And I think now is the time for you to express whatever you need to. Now is the time to be honest and let everything off your chest. I don’t want you to end up with regrets.”

Again there was silence. He always did take the time to pick his words. When his voice did pierce the silence, the tears that wanted to fall, finally fell. “You aren’t the bad guy. At least, you aren’t the sole cause of this. For any regrets, I have none except not having the courage to tell you sooner. I have no qualms about us being friends. You’re a wonderful person and you’ve shown that everyday. I think that’s it on my end really.”

It was her turn to be silent. She tried her best to regain her composure. She’s been through this before and still it hurt like a red barbed wire being dragged through her body. She had to end the call. There were more questions. There were things she needed closure on. But what would it matter now?

“Ok. Well I think I will need some time before I can talk to you again. So.. I’ll talk to you soon.” Her voice cracked and her automatic sniffle was apparent. She had hoped it didn’t pick up, but as loud as it was, it did.

“That’s fair. I am here for you if you need me. Ok?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

The moment the call ended. A wail escaped her lips. She gripped her hair and leaned against the steering wheel. Her breathing was caught and hitched even though she tired to calm herself down. She had things to do.

It took a few minutes, but the tears stopped. She looked in the rear view mirror and saw her eyes were red and still watery. At this point who would care? Who would really care enough to ask? She had things to do. With a final wipe of her eyes, she opened the door and left the comfort of her car.

She had things to do. She had laundry to fold. She would be honest to herself later. But life moved on, and that was the honest truth of it.

#angst #break up #mini fic #reader x male #male x reader #long distance couple #long distance exes #long distance angst #honesty #self doubt #peaceful break up #writing #my writing #writing drabble #my life right now #writing to real #writing to vent #writing to cope

[hahahahanna]

If you ever consider texting your ex, read this entry from my journal written soon before I broke up with mine.

Disclaimer/context: this was years ago. I was young and struggled coming to the decision to break up. It is angsty, but it's a good reminder when I start romanticising some of the memories too much - we were far from perfect, and that pain still sometimes haunts me, years later.

Am I missing something...? Where is this sadness coming from?

It's difficult to find my place knowing none of them are home.

Hurt.

Happens all the time. Failed expectations. The sole fact that expectations exist can cause hurt.

Wishes, dreams. What do I really want? I keep missing something. And having too much of other things.

I just really want to find something of my own. Something for myself. Not entertainment. Not time spent alone. I just want my everyday to be truly mine. Not adapted to others and their needs.

At some point what I want and what others want for me have gone in different directions.

Feeling the weight of the expectations of others weigh down on my shoulders, I started to seek routine. So that my everyday melts into one long drag of repetitive events. So that it becomes hard to separate one day from another.

My expectations? I suppose I have to rethink them. Because it turns out, being in a relationship with someone faithful who respects me isn't enough. I want more. I want to be happy to see a new message. I want to anticipate the next time we see each other. I don't have such feelings now. At some point, something stopped working, I don't know when. And since then, I haven't felt anything good.

Regret. Because coming back to our apartment abroad will be delayed. Will I even get to go back? Probably just to pack my stuff. And maybe say bye to my friends.

Guilt. Because I'm dragging this out, and delaying a result we'll get to anyway.

#breakup diary #breaking up #breakup #journalling #thoughts #relationship #writing to cope #from my journal #feelings #growing up #text post #diary entry #dear diary #unhealthy relationships #i regret you all the time #sliceoflife #texting your ex #dont text your ex #emotional #read this when you miss your ex

[family-oddity]

#vent #trauma #my writing #trauma coping #my edit #actually cptsd #eldest daughter #eldest sibling #family trauma #family vent #family issues #eldest sister #vent writing #my vents #my words #vent blog #writing to the void #writing to cope

[lilithkeir]

Clay bowl✒️ There is a monster inside you, and you can't even tell.

Or maybe you can and that's part of this hell.

A man I love too much and children at risk.

Problem after problem I can't seem to fix.

I feel like a bowl crafted from clay.

When everyone else seems like a perfect picture with the frame.

I haven't even learned how not to be a bowl.

An object that sits and fills till an enviable overflow.

I want to be a photo with a perfect frame

Just hanging on the wall watching Instead of losing this Never-ending game.

But I'm starting to think I'll always be a bowl.

And purely because my lack of control.

#female writers #mental illness #poetry #real poetry #writerscorner #writing #writing to cope #abuse survivor #dark and moody #darkpoetsociety #abuse mention #abusiveboyfriend

[aaliah-asadi]

Growing up

Where did all the years go?

when did we grow up?

How did we go from?...

Being excited for birthdays/being ourselves doing silly things/not being afraid of being judged by other people/tiring yourself from playing/loving your family/talking to random people and things/smiling and laughing all the day/going to shops secretly/making potions out of shampoos/imagining things creatively/having lots of energy and motivation/happily existing and having fun

To...

Not wanting to grow up/being anxious about being ourselves/being afraid of judgement/not wanting to get out of bed/not wanting to live with your family/not being able to interact with people/faking smiles every day/covering scars/having suicidal thoughts/having little to no energy and motivation/losing interest in things we enjoyed/ questioning our existence?

Poetry by ~Aa-liah

#inner child #poetry #aesthetic #writers and poets #writing to cope #dark aesthetic #self written #depressing poem #poetry is my therapy #depressing shit #kinda depressing #childhood #old days #good old times #how did we end up here #inner thoughts #read my mind

[metanoiaduende]

too much

Sometimes my head is too thick to actually think. Sometimes my emotions don't allow me to think straight. Sometimes the injustices of the world are too much to handle. I wish I was less like me and more like the woman I want to be.

Its to much of burden, it is too much weight upon my shoulders. I never feel straight. I never feel like enough.

sometimes I feel thick, I feel slow to the program. Like I should of caught up years or even months ago. I go at my own pace, which is far to relaxed.

Why can't I be different, why can't I be normal.

Like that SZA song, 'normal girl'. I wanna be normal. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to question myself and I think that maybe, just maybe if I could just one day wake up and everything will be okay, I wouldn't have a storm in my head that throbs all day long.

Why is my face like that? People can sense the melancholy from a mile away. I wear my feelings on my face, like a mask, that not really a mask, so I guess its more like an open book.

There is no real point I have, I just felt like writing to write. Writing makes me feel better. Maybe one day someone will understand what I am going through, or maybe I am too depressed and most people don't want to bear that. They are bearing there own problems.

That is very understandable, but maybe if you read this you'll at least understand.

#normal girl #womanhood #soul #writing to cope #writing to myself #writing to heal

[sleepynoise]

My rage is something I consistently burry in, I consistently drown in. It’s the sand in the ocean that falls beneath the waves over and over and over and over again, sinking, further and further and further and further

Until

It explodes.

And a tsunami follows in its path, wave after wave.

It tumbles even the biggest of buildings

It doesn’t stop. I do not know how to stop it.

And the water will eventually drain bringing the sand with it to be buried again, only to rise again

Do not waste your time on me, my rage will consume us both and leave you an empty shell, leave me when you have to chance

Do not stay with someone who doesn’t know how to cope.

#creative writing #oneshots #writing #my wriitng #angst #anger issues #writing to cope

[hopejgaumr]

</3

I wrote outside the lines for you. because the pages in which were covered with my love for you could not, simply, contain it. For how can I contain a love that burns in my chest? A love that consumes me so deeply that I forget how to breathe. But I no longer wanted to write about you. I wanted to erase the mark you left on me, the scar you tore into my flesh burned more everyday that I saw you and you did not look at me. I had become irrelevant suddenly after you used me and I ached knowing it. One day soon I hope I can forget your smile. I hope to forget everything you once were in my life. I hope I can forget you as easily as you forgot me.

#hope’s writing #female writers #women writers #writer things #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writerscorner #writerslife #writersociety #writing #writing to cope #writing about love #writing love #writing letters #lovers #love #love poetry