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#xisuma
bebagerie · 16 hours ago
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Next batch of elytra designs! Theres 2 extra in this set because I misremembered my list and gave Wels’ wings to Keralis, so I wanted to correct that :) 
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daveshart · 2 days ago
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have i mentioned my lab headcanon yet.
[image description: a digital drawing of xisuma and evil xisuma. they're both children with wide blank eyes. ex has long white hair and xisuma has shorter black hair. xisuma is holding ex to their chest. around them are the words "frame the halves and call them brothers". end id.]
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incorrect-hermits · a day ago
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Xisuma: Why are you two dressed up as each other?
Joe: I couldn't think of anything scarier than Cleo.
Cleo: Evil X told me to dress up as the stupidest thing possible.
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rzdhc · 2 days ago
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Day 21 Flowers
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Zinnia flowers are most commonly given to friends who have been absent for quite some time
yellow: daily remembrance
magenta: lasting affection
red: of the heart, steadfastness, familial ties, like the steady beating of a heart
mixed: thinking of an absent friend
Drawn for Hermitober by @/ink-ghoul
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Hermit DSMP Swap AU: Part 10.1
[TW // Violence, temporary death.]
Xisuma’s eyes came back into focus and he slumped, his whole body relaxing, it felt like lead.
Joe caught his arm steadying him and helping him sit down, “You ok there friend? You were in there for three days.”
Xisuma looked up at Joe, bleary eyed, “I… it was that long?”
“I was worried about you. I had to set up a re-gen beacon to make sure you didn’t die from starvation.”
“Thanks,” X muttered, staring at his shaking hand before running it through his disheveled brown hair.
“Did you do it? Is she stable?”
“She’s stable,” X echoed “mostly,” He swallowed dryly and held his head in his hands, “I was barely able to hold her together, every time I sewed up one part another part would tear, my sutures weren’t strong enough. My magic wasn’t strong enough… I ended up having to hold the stitches in place till she could heal a bit on her own.”
“Well you did it. That’s what’s important.”
X shook his head “That’s the thing. I only bought us time. The server is still leaking, just slower… and the thing is, I think- I think a part of her was fighting me. A part of the server wanted to fall into chaos.” X stood abruptly, “I need to gather the other hermits, we need to have a meeting.”
“Oh no you don’t.” Joe protested getting between X and the door, “You need sleep, if it was night you would have phantoms on you for sure.”
“You don’t get it, the server is collapsing, there isn’t time.” X tried pushing past the shorter man.
Joe gently took X’s arm “I get it perfectly. But we need our admin in functioning condition. With Grian out of commission you are the only one who can fix the server if we have another problem. You eat and rest, I’ll go out and gather everyone up.”
X let Joe lead him back to the bed in the corner and hand him a golden carrot. “Thanks,” X muttered, staring at the golden carrot in his hand. Sleep sounded like a good idea. It sounded like a really good idea.
---
Xisuma woke up several hours later. Sitting up in bed he stretched. Now that he was rested he realized how hungry he was. He summoned the carrots that Joe had given him and ate three in a row before heading over to his cupboards and making himself a cup of tea. He leaned against the table and cupped his mug in both hands as he took a deep breath.
This was a mess. He took a sip. It was sweeter than usual, he was going to need the extra speed potion if he was going to get through the day. X straightened and headed outside.
“You can put that crafting table over there with the chests.” Pearl called.
“Got it.” Mumbo responded, running across X’s lawn.
“While you're at it, can you bring over some more wood?” she added.
X’s base was bustling with people. Impulse was sorting items into a new chest monster that was developing at the base of the hill across from X’s portal tower. The top of the hill had been leveled a little and a round pavilion was being built on top of it. Cub was building up deepslate walls to support the overhanging bits while Grian filled in the middle of the pavilion with patterns of cobble, deepslate and tuff. Pearl and Mumbo were making chairs out of spruce and setting them around the edge of the pavilion.
Impulse looked up from the chests and smiled “Good morning X.”
“Suma!” Grian cheered popping up from where he had been working.
“What’s all this?” X asked.
“Joe said you were calling a meeting.” Pearl said, shifting her axe from one hand to the other.
“For such a big meeting we thought we needed a proper place to meet.” Cub explained.
“So we are making a meeting pavilion,” Grian chimed in coming over to the edge of the pavilion “I’m just glad I’m finally allowed to build something proper,” He laughed.
“This looks great. Need any help, I could-” X started.
“Oh no you don’t,” Grian interrupted with a cheeky grin “You still look exhausted, besides If you think you are going to steal my glory you're crazy.”
“Ok, fair enough,” X chuckled, moving over to sit down on one of the chests and drink his tea while he watched the others work.
Slowly the rest of the hermits began to arrive, with their help the pavilion was quickly finished and people began claiming seats, lingering in groups, talking. Joe and Scar were the last ones to arrive. Scar had gone with Joe to help gather the other hermits. X’ couldn’t help but notice one of the chairs was still empty.
Joe landed on the pavilion near X hitting the ground a bit hard. He summoned a golden carrot and ate it before turning to X. “We couldn’t find False. She isn’t answering her messages either.” he said in a low tone.
X frowned. “Did you find who she swapped with?”
Joe shook his head and took the chair next to X’s “There was no sign of anyone.”
“Alright…” X sighed looking down into his empty mug before setting it aside on the arm of his chair and rising “Alright, If everyone can take a seat we can get started.” The pavilion grew quiet and everyone looked to him as they settled in, “Thank you everyone for coming. You may or may not have noticed the server has been having some issues.”
“Is that why I keep getting an error when I try to leave?” Welsknight chimed in.
X nodded “Yes. You may also notice that several hermits are missing from this meeting. I was hoping to be able to fix the problem quickly and avoid disrupting the peace of this server but you all have a right to know what is going on as it affects all of us.” X closed his eyes and let out a deep steadying breath before continuing, “When we made the server update to 1.17 something happened that caused a minor tear between this server and another server called the Dream SMP. The server started leaking magic, while hermits started going missing and various DSMP members started showing up. The server is unaware of these changes and believes that the DSMP members are the missing hermits. As of now Etho, TFC, and Cleo are confirmed missing and False has just been reported to be missing though we haven’t found her DSMP counterpart.”
Stress and Gem traded worried looks. “So wait, where are the missing hermits now?” Gem said standing up.
“We theorize that they are probably on the Dream SMP.” Joe said.
“What about the Dream SMP members?” Stress asked.
Grian spoke up, “For the moment me and Scar have been keeping an eye on them in Boatem.”
Joe continued, “Yeah, that’s another thing, the DSMP members, or at least this one named Foolish, seem to have a grasp on server magic well beyond anything I’ve ever seen before.”
X picked up where Joe left off, “You may notice there is a new name in the Tab list. About three days ago Foolish used magic to create a player named Genesis. This magic caused a lot of damage to the servers innerworkings. I was able to repair most of it but it may have had more repercussions than we are aware of yet. If any of you have noticed anything strange in the past few days, now would be the time to say something.”
Beef raised his hand, his arm strangely scaly looking “Does this count?” He said. The whole left side of his face was also covered in scales and his eye was yellow with a slitted pupil. “A few scales appeared on my arm and face soon after we made the switch to 1.17 but just about three days ago it spread rapidly and took over my entire left side.” His left eye moved independently of his right as he looked at the rest of the hermits seated around the circle.
“That could be a glitch caused by the server magic,” Joe muttered.
“Do you know how to fix it? Or undo it or something?” Beef said.
“It looks like a hybrid glitch, there isn’t a lot you can do about that?” Joe shrugged.
Beef huffed, it was almost a hiss.
Ren shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s not that bad dude, you get used to it after a while.”
Zedaph chimed in, “Just because we don’t know how to yet doesn’t mean there isn’t a way. Maybe if we run some tests we can figure something out.”
Doc nodded “I might be able to help with that too.”
X nodded, “This is reassuring. Is there anything else anyone would like to add?”
“Not add, but I do have a question,” XB said standing up “How do we know these DSMP members are legit. The server starts having problems and our people start going missing, replaced by these DSMP people. How do we know they aren’t the cause?”
“Your right,” Hypno chimed in.
Grian looked askance, “About that. The crack is definitely my fault, they didn’t have anything to do with it. I might have tried to get into the Dream SMP using the server update to give me a boost… that is what caused the tear.”
“Alright, but who’s to say they didn’t take advantage of the crack and used it to get in.” XB said.
“They would need a Watcher to do that,” Grian sat down and steepled his fingers pressing them to his lips.
“Or some really serious hacks,” Doc added.
“They have a watcher though,” Grian muttered “But would he really do something like this?”
“Now that you mention it though, Those DSMP fellows are a bit strange,” Scar added “Foolish mentioned something about the DSMP having limited respawns.”
Grian looked up “Limited respawns, but I thought perma-death was just a myth, like Herobrine, something you say to new players to scare them.”
Joe coughed “it’s real.”
Grian looked at Joe, “What’s real? Herobrine or perma-death?”
Joe shrugged “Y’know, both.”
“What do you mean both!? You can’t just drop that on us and not explain,” Grian said.
“Well, I met Herobrine so they're probably real unless I’m not real and then we have a different problem. And perma-death is definitely real, ask Cleo. It’s very rare but it is usually due to a glitch caused by over use of servermagic. With the way Foolish seemed to treat magic It would make sense if the DSMP was glitchy enough that perma-death was commonplace.”
There was a heavy silence as this information sunk in.
“Alright, this is all well and good but what’s the plan?” Ren said.
X sighed “I plan to continue to try and repair the damage to the server while Joe has been working on trying to find a way to return the DSMP members to their server and get our hermits back. I hate to say this but it is possible that any of us could get swapped at any time so it might be a good idea to keep important survival items in your inventory.”
Impulse spoke up, “I just restocked I-Sore, I can supply people who don’t have any yet with free elytra and rockets.”
X nodded “Excellent, anyone else got any ideas.”
“We should figure out a message to give to the missing hermits. If we can't prevent people from swaping we can at least make sure to let them know what we are doing and maybe we will be able to find a way for both groups to work together,” Gem suggested.
“Why can’t Grian just go to the DSMP and talk to the missing Hermits and then come back and tell us what they said?” XB asked.
Grian shook his head “Even if I wasn’t recovering from a concussion the DSMP is notorious for being the only Watcher proof server in existence. That’s why I needed the server update to give me a boost.”
“Can’t we just update the server again so you can get in?” XB said.
X shook his head “Not with the state the server is in at the moment she is too weak to attempt anything like that.”
“Besides I damaged the server the first time I tried it, I wouldn’t want to make it any worse,” Grian said.
“Sooo, what should we tell the other hermits if we’re swapped?” Gem asked.
Iskall, who had been quiet the entire meeting, finally spoke up. “We should have the main body of the message communicate the details of what we have figured out so far and then if anyone has anything they want to say to a specific hermit, that can be added on. We can write it all down and make copies so no one has to memorize anything.”
The other hermits murmured and nodded, it was a good idea. Joe, Gem and Stress seemed especially grateful for the idea about personal messages. Iskall understood. He was worried about Etho too.
---
Foolish yawned. It was never night here and he still wasn't used to catching power naps in the middle of the day, add to that the fact that he was spending all his time taking care of Genesis now.
Genesis ran up to him and reached her arms up “eh eh eh,”
“Use your words, what do you want?” Foolish insisted.
“Up,” She said, jumping, arms still outstretched.
“Close enough” He chuckled, picking her up and heading outside.
He caught a glimpse of Skeppy sneaking into Grian’s house. No one was around, he didn’t know why he needed to sneak like that. George sat on top of Skeppy’s house, his legs dangling over the edge.
“Do you know what he’s doing?” Foolish asked looking up at George.
George shrugged “Grian pranked Skeppy’s house so I think he is trying to prank him back. Or steel from him… or both. Who knows.”
Foolish’s phone buzzed. He summoned it into his free hand and looked at the message.
It was from Punz, it read “I keep getting messages in chat about a meeting. What is going on?”
Typing with his left hand was difficult.
“Who are you texting? Is that Grian? You two have been real chummy recently,” George teased.
Foolish scowled and looked up from his phone “Were not chummy. He’s just, kind of… there… all the time.” He shook his head and finished typing.
The text read “The hermits left to go to some sort of meeting.”
“If it isn’t Grian then who are you texting,” George asked.
Foolish scowled at him. George hooped down from the roof of Skeppy's house. “Come on, let me see.” George moved to grab the phone. Foolish tried to move out of reach but he didn’t want to drop Genesis. George snatched the phone. “Who is this False person? Do you like her? Do you have a Hermit crush?” he said in a sing songy voice.
“What! No. Give that back!”
George danced over to the fence around the Boatem hole and held the phone out over the void. “Tell me or I’ll drop your phone in the void,”
“No. It’s Punz.”
“You like Punz?”
“No. Just read the messages. Thee was swapped and thee has been messaging me about what is going on.” Foolish protested.
George read the contents of the texts. “Thee is asking if there are any Hermits in Boatem right now,” George said as he began typing up a response himself.
Foolish moved towards George, “Give me that.”
“Make me,” George backed up still typing.
“Don’t make me put the child down!”
George broke into a run. Foolish sighed and put Genesis down before running after him. A moment later Foolish walked back with George slung over his shoulder kicking and shouting to be let down as foolish checked his phone. Cleo: “The hermits left to go to some sort of meeting.”
False: “Are there any hermits still in Boatem at the moment?”
False: “Is everything ok, why aren’t you answering?”
Cleo: “Foolish likes you!”
False: “What?”
False: “Who is this?”
Foolish sighed and typed a response “Sorry, George stole my phone.” He dumped George on the ground in front of Skeppy's house.
“Ow, what the hell,” George protested. Genesis came over and started putting flowers in George’s hair and giggling. “Hu, what?” George huffed as a petal landed on his face, confused.
Foolish kept an eye on them as he continued typing “There are no Hermits here at the moment. They all went to the meeting.”
“Hold on, I'll be there soon.”
Foolish put his phone away and leaned against Skeppy’s house. He watched as Genesis put flowers in George’s hair. She took hair ties and began tying little tufts of George's hair up so it was sticking straight up. How did she have so many hair ties in her inventory? Had she stolen them from Pearl's house when he wasn’t looking?
Skeppy came out of Grain's house looking rather pleased with himself. Then he saw George and burst out laughing.
“Don’t laugh. Genesis is making me look beautiful.” George retorted.
“I can make you look pretty too,” Genesis chimed in, holding up handfuls of hair ties for Skeppy to see.
“Oh, you definitely look beautiful,” Skeppy snickered, taking out his phone and taking a picture.
“Hey! Delete that!” George demanded.
“Let me see! Let me see!” Genesis sang jumping up and down at Skeppy’s elbow. “Skeppy grinned and bent over to show her the picture.
George pouted.
“Take a picture of me!” Genesis sang, dancing around.
“Ok, hold still,” Skeppy laughed. She didn’t, but he did his best to catch a picture that wasn’t too blurry.
Foolish looked up and started. Punz was standing near the corner of Foolish’s house, watching them.
Punz walked over to the group. “How long do we have before the Hermits get back?” Thee said, looking at Foolish.
“Grian said they might be a while,” Foolish shrugged.
“Nice hair,” Punz nodded to George. Punz seemed genuine. George still pouted and started taking the hair ties out. Genesis sat down in front of George and insisted he put the hair ties in her hair now.
“When did you get here?” Skeppy started.
Punz tucked ther hands in the pockets of ther hoodie, “I was swapped a couple of hours ago. How long have you all been here?”
“Um, three weeks,” George said as he struggled to put Genesis’s hair in two messy pigtails.
“I got here two weeks ago.” Skeppy said.
“And did any of you interact with any hermits before you swapped?”
Skeppy and George looked at each other then shook their heads.
“What is this all about?” George asked.
“This is about you all getting kidnaped and brainwashed into believing that everything is ok, while slowly back on the DSMP you all are being replaced by Hermits. We think the hermits are using a hack to swap places with DSMP members while you all are clueless. They tell you they don’t know what is going on and that they are trying to fix it so you don’t catch on till it is too late.”
“Why would they do something like that,” Skeppy scoffed.
Punz sighed “Dream explained to me that, as far as servers go, the DSMP is unique. I don’t know much about magic but he said that because of the magic that was done in the early days of the SMP now things that would be impossible on other servers are all of a sudden possible.”
“We’ll, if these Hermits really are deceiving us, what are we supposed to do about it.” George said.
“We fight back, make them regret messing with us.” Punz smiled.
---
Grian walked back to Boatem with the others in silence, the new copied book weighing heavy in his inventory. He hadn’t thought about what would happen if he got swapped. He was so used to being able to go anywhere he wanted, the idea of being trapped on a server where the laws of nature didn’t apply scared him. But there was also a part of him, the part that had been drawn to become a Watcher, that felt exhilarated by it. So much chaos and power in one place, it was a Watchers playground, it also happened to be the one place Watcher’s couldn’t go.
Grian shook his head. Thinking like this wasn’t helpful. He left the organization for a reason, and he had his friends to worry about now.
“I’m sorry, you can’t come any further.”
Grian looked up. Foolish stood at the end of the path, a trident in his hand.
“What do you mean?”
“He means, we won’t be controlled anymore,” Someone in a white hoodie and netherite armor said, standing on the back of Scars landboat. Thee aimed a loaded crossbow at them.
Colors and pain exploded in Grian’s vision. Grian summoned a shield. A deafening crack sounded next to him as lightning hit. The ground and trees set fire. There were screams behind him.
“Come here! Come heeeere Mumbo!” George yelled, chasing after Mumbo.
Skeppy laughed.
“No! Can, we just talk about this, ple-”
[Mumbo was slain by Etho using Dream XD’s Sword]
There was another flash of color and Scar’s scream was cut off.
[Scar went off with a bang due to a firework fired from N U T by False]
Through the smoke, Grian saw the one in white reloading ther crossbow. He summoned a sword and leapt into the air, his wings flaring.
[Impulse was slain by TFC]
Grian bearled into the one in white, knocking thim off Scar’s house. Grian landed next to thim and bright his sword down on ther shield. Thee kicked him in the shins and Grian stumbled back as thee rolled to ther feet.
“Grian, we need to retreat!” Pearl called out, sword and shield out, backing up as Skeppy and George advanced.
Grian gritted his teeth. “Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t act innocent,” The one in white snapped, swinging ther axe at Grian’s head. Grian stumbled back. Flames rose around them. Pearl moved to stand back to back with Grian.
“Got your back,” She assured as she knocked Skeppy’s axe out of the way. She let out a hiss as George's sword found skin. She had netherite, it had kept her alive this long.
Grian flared his wings. He jumped, took air and came down heavy with his sword. Thee gritted ther teeth and brought ther axe up. Pain shot through his chest and he staggered back. He ran into Pearl. There was a cry as George stabbed her, then she was gone and Grian stumbled into air.
[Pearl was slain by Etho using Dream XD’s Sword]
Grian looked around through the smoke, flames licking at the trees. His friends' items strewn across the ground. Skeppy and George advanced on one side, the one in white on the other. Foolish stood off to the side, Gold skin reflecting red in the light of the flames. Grian locked eyes with him, his gaze hard. “You made a mistake.” He flared his wings and took off.
---
[Authors Notes: Sorry, not sorry XD XP. Things are starting to get interesting. Also I wanted to clarify a few things that diverge from canon. I know that Beef has a whole plotline going on with Evil X involving his curse. Evil X isn’t in this fic and I have chosen to go in my own direction with Beef’s curse.]
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poyezda · 2 days ago
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wardenvoid is all i want
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beacon-lamp · 4 months ago
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if you’re looking for:
main character syndrome who’s just here to cause problems, try grian
good times, try scar
an elder god of minecraft who has mastered everything and is just here for chaos, try etho
beautifully detailed builds and interiors made by the most feral little man, try bdoubleo100
someone with multiple brain cells, try pearlescentmoon and geminitay
someone with one (1) brain cell, try mumbo jumbo or iskall85
actual vanilla survival minecraft, try xisumavoid or impulseSV
the most unhinged redstone player you’ve ever seen, try tangotek or zedaph
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ghostspider-gwen · 6 days ago
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I'm back! with more low-res hermits+text posts
(1st person to spot the funky formatting on one of them gets a no-prize)
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riverdiculous · a month ago
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Why did I find this exchange in Twitch Rivals so funny
False: Xisuma, have you ever played Bed Wars?
Xisuma: I made Bed Wars
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micer2012 · a month ago
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MATPAT PAY ME ROYALTIES
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HELLO! THIS IS A COMPILATION POST OF ALL THE POSTS I'VE MADE ON "EVIL XISUMA IS A VICTIM OF JEFF THE MINION'S MIDAS CURSE" THEORY. WELCOME TO MY SPECIAL HELL 🟩🟩
EX is a Victim of Jeff the Minion's Midas Curse (1010-1013)
EX's Eyes Glowing White is Jeff's Influence (1016-1019)
Wormman is a Trapped Heart (in.the tags of the art)
EX (and Pooka) Lore Iceberg
Waspsuma Explanation (1021)
Evil Xisuma's Origin (CarnEVIL 1, not 350)
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Evil's Fault Discussion
"HermitCraft CarnEVIL 1 - Removed Dialouge"
APX (April Fools/Apathetic/806 Xisuma) is Hels!X
NPG is Hels!Grian + How Jeff Works
Playlist of Relevant Eps
TAG OF ALL ART (mine+others!) RELATED TO THE THEORY
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THANK YOU FOR READING. :> WELCOME TO MY SPECIAL HELS♥♥♥!! (AFFECTIONATE)
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moony-does-things · a month ago
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[ID: A screenshot from Xisuma's episode 1001 of hermitcraft in which he is floating in a coral reef surrounded by 5 axolotls. Over the screenshot, white text in all caps reads, "There are many benefits to being a marine biologist." End ID]
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sprucewoodmpreg · a month ago
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The study is complete, and the results are out. Read on, if you’re interested in scientific science and mathematical facts.
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To view all the slides on a powerpoint, click here.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to the study! This was a lot of fun, and I hope you all enjoy the results.
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wembly-art · 2 months ago
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mental breakdowns work hard but my hermitcraft hyperfixation works harder
heres something i never finished
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kikunai · a month ago
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what if xisuma is in the size of an axolotl and hes an accountant cause evil x cant do maths to save his emporium
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saphushia · 2 months ago
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turns out i need to watch more doc just so i have an excuse to draw him
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