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scaryfaggot · 4 months
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Mother-Daughter Nonsense
Legitimately the only thing was from December 4th 2012 which was only a few weeks before Jenna left. SHE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT RUN ELLEN AT A SINGLE OTHER FUCKING TIME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF CHAT TIME!! (I thiiink I’ve posted this before but not sure)
And I had cut off what the topic was but I think basically Jenna had been saying Ellen was ‘glad enough’ that Jo had Grey back home by then because it ‘might keep Jo from doing something stupid’ and ‘maybe she’ll stop hunting if she’s happy with a guy - and especially a monster’ WHICH IS ALL KINDS OF FUCKED UP
<Jo> “So does not thinking I’d find anyone else mean I’m out of trouble in terms of babies, right?”
<Anna> “Jo, what more do you want? I’m not saying anything against Grey and you’re going to do what you want to do so why are you even wanting to know what I think? If it’s not what you agree with you’re just going to get defensive and you know what, I’m not as young as I used to be to fight with you all the time about things.”
<Jo> “I just wanted to know was all. I know you want that life for me, but if you think that Grey’s as good as I’m going to get then does that mean you don’t mind anymore if I’m not that interested in the whole baby thing? Attempting to have an adult conversation here, Mom.”
<Anna> “No Jo you aren’t. You’re attemting to find out if I’m still hoping for things that inconvenience your life. ”
<Jo> “It might make life different, but I don’t think you or dad would have ever have said having a brat was an inconvenience. I’d hope you wouldn’t at least.  ….how about I’m trying to talk to my mother about what she thinks of my life and goals?”
<Anna> “It doesn’t matter what I think Jo. If I give you my approval or if I don’t, it doesn’t matter because you are going to do what you want. I have argued with you till I’m blue in the face and I’m done with it. Asking me what I think of your life and goals might as well be asking for a fight and I don’t want to do that.”
<Jo> “I don’t always do what I want anymore, Mom. I don’t want a fight, I just want to know how you feel about what I have been doing and what may or may not happen.  I don’t exactly have any other rational human beings I can talk about this sort of thing.. Didn’t you talk to your mom about this sort of thing?”
<Anna> “No because talking about hunting with Bill and havin a family wasn’t exactly normal conversation.”
<Jo> “And what would you call a normal conversation for us then?”
<Anna> “What we are having now, at least since you turned 15. You want to know what I think Jo? Fine, what I think is that I’m angry at Bill for getting killed, for leaving me to raise you and for leaving you with this idealised idea of him and of hunting. You never got to see the balanced life we had, we built that bar together, hunted together and had you together and you look at that life like it's some sort of curse or punishment but for me it was the best years of my life and it hurts that I failed to show you that after Bill’s death. So there, you have my opinion of your choice of how you live your life.”
<Jo> “But you didn’t like the idea of me hunting and living with Anna the way you’re saying you and dad did - or weren’t you worried about that? All I remember of you and dad together was how damn miserable you were when he was away and you were stuck looking after me; and how that’d change when he was around. It never seemed worth what you went through to be like you, Mom.”
<Anna> “You weren’t even 10 Jo, what you remember isn’t me being stuck watching you. I never missed hunting once I had you, I loved being a mother but what you saw as miserble was worry for your dad because it’s stressful when he left. Ask any wife of an army man or police officer and it’s the same thing.”
<Jo> “Yeah, well, you still didn’t seem happy. And Dean’s attempt at a normal life mixed with hunting didn’t work. And I haven’t heard of anyone on either sides being happy with what you call a balanced life once things become more than just two, if it’s even happy then. I guess I just want to know why or how that’s even somewhat satisfying, Mom, to be in that sort of position. Let alone someone else.”
<Anna> “Jo, I’m going to tell you this once and once only because lord knows I’ve tried to be patient with you because you are my daughter. The years before you were born and leading up to Bill’s death were the best years of my life, I was happy and I love my family. If this isn’t what you want, that’s fine you are an adult but do not ever use me being unhappy in that time as your excuse. Dean had a whole mess of problems to deal with before he tried. I loved your daddy and I loved the life we built and if I had it to do over again, I would in a heart beat.”
<Jo> “Okay, thank you. I guess I never really saw it that way - all I remember is how I saw it, or how I thought I did - and I know thats not right but when you see your Mom walkin around with a thunder cloud over her head every hour of the day before your Dad gets back theres not much you can really think. I don’t know if that’s what I do or don’t want, I just know I don’t want what /I/ saw as a kid.”
<Anna> “Goodnight Jo.”
<Jo> “Night, Mom”
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greyfacewhispers · 4 years
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Grey and Crowley chat wayback
Back when Grey was with Pam but after that character stopped existing in the RP as a PC basically. Don't have earlier bit but Crowley's apparently been asking Grey why they can't just be together. [[READ MORE]] Crowley: *Grey turns his face away blushing horribly* But you know… You know we shouldn’t. Crowley: *Crowley sits back on his heels, leaning on Grey's thighs* Why not? Grey: *Grey keeps his face turned away* Because, I'm with Pam. I want to be with her, I don't want to screw things up again. *But things are already screwed up with Pam aren't they? She doesn't even look at him anymore, she stays gone.* Crowley: *he runs his fingers through Grey's hair again, humming in his throat* And is Pam really all that faithful? Grey: *Grey looks at him, clearly hurt* She... She doesn't have to be, it doesn't bother me when she's...*he swallows, it really does bother him* But she wants me to be, so I... Crowley: *Crowley cups Grey's cheeks between his palms* And how is that fair? Grey: *Grey's eyes slide away from Crowley* It doesn't have to be fair... She just has to be happy. *He sighs* Crowley: *he sighs* And you don't? Grey: I was happy-I mean, I AM happy... *Grey doesn't know why he said "was", he is happy with Pam... isn't he?* Crowley: *Crowley sees the doubt in Grey's eyes and it's all he needs, leaning down and kissing the monster genty, a simple brush of the lips* Grey: *Grey isn't surprised at the kiss. And he can't resist following Crowley's lips as the demon pulls back* Crowley: *Crowley smiles and leans back in for a much less chaste kiss, biting gently at Grey's bottom lip* Grey: *Grey's mouth falls open with a soft whimper, maybe he can just forget himself for a while with Crowley. That would be nice* Crowley: *he deepens the kiss again, mapping out Grey's mouth with his tongue* Crowley: ((brb bb gonna make lunch)) Grey: ((k. And it would be nice if my neighbors would STOP. DRIVING. THROUGH. MY FUCKING YARD)) Grey: *he welcomes Crowley's tongue into his mouth, making a small noise of pleasure* Crowley: *Crowley carries on kissing Grey, pulling at his hair and groaning into his mouth* Grey: *Grey wraps his arms around Crowley's neck, pulling him closer* Crowley: *Crowley shifts so that his body is laying along Grey's, touching him at every possible point* Grey: *Grey moans loudly, the contact between them even through clothes sends little thrills of anticipation racing through him* Crowley I... *his voice trembles and fails him* Crowley: *Crowley leans back, eyes roving over Grey's face, taking in his flushed skin and swollen lips* Yes? *he leans in and presses light kisses to the monsters neck, humming contentedly* Grey: I-I just want to forget for a little while. Make me forget. *Grey sighs, closing his eyes happily at the kisses on his neck* Crowley: *Crowley sits up, looking into Grey's eyes* No. I won't be a distraction. Grey: *Grey's eyes open and he let's out a half-agitated breath* Well why in Purgatory not? Crowley: Because I refuse to be *he rolls away from Grey, laying on his back next to him* Grey: *Grey sputters for a few moments* I don't GET you sometimes. It's as if you honestly enjoying torturing me, you know how I am so you push all my buttons and now you're going to just drop it. Well fuck you then, I'm better off by myself it looks like. *he finally snaps, frustration finally spilling over* Crowley: Well excuse me for wanting to be something more than a distaction Grey. Grey: Oh right, like I'm so much more to you than a fuck toy in the first place. *Grey snarls, standing up and walking away* Crowley: *Crowley jumps to his feet, shouting after Grey* And what if you are? Grey: *Grey hesitates for a second* I think we already had this conversation. You didn't seem to sure about that then, why should I believe it's any different now? Crowley: *he lowers his head and mumbles quietly to himself* I'm not sure about much these days *Crowley laughs and turns away* Grey: *Grey throws a half-angry, half-upset look over his shoulder at Crowley* Well? You want to explain what you think this is, what you think I am to you? Or are we just going with easy piece of ass? Crowley: *he glares back* Does it even matter? Grey: Yes it does. Crowley: Well I don't have an answer for you okay *he walks over to the table, leaning on it* Grey: Why not?! *Grey practically screams in aggravation, he's so damn ticked off now because nothing has been right in a long while and now the one thing he could usually count on to make him feel good seems to be dissolving too* Crowley: *Crowley brings his fist down onto the table with a thump, growling out in frustration* I just dont/ Grey: *Grey throws his hands up in the air* Then just make up a lie or something. Anything but telling me you don't know. *He just wants to be sure of one thing right now, even if that one thing is a lie* Crowley: *Crowley clenches his jaw* Perhaps I feel you don't deserve a lie. Grey: *Grey sighs in defeat* Fine, forget just forget it. Crowley: *he frowns* That's it? Grey: Yeah that's it, I'm tired and I don't want to fight right now. *Grey's sick of arguments lately. He sits down in a chair and pulls himself into a ball, chin resting on his knees* Crowley: *Crowley's frown falls and he walks over to Grey, crouching down in front of him* I'm sorry. Grey: You don't need to be. It's okay I'm just... in a bad spot lately. *Grey looks at Crowley, eyes watering a bit* Crowley: *Crowley cups Grey's cheeks* If you need to talk... Grey: *A rather inappropriate laugh breaks from him when he thinks of himself spilling his troubles to the demon, who has quite enough on his shoulders already. Grey suddenly feels ashamed for even blowing up at Crowley like that.* I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything... It's nothing important Crowley: *Crowley huffs out a laugh, getting up to sit on the couch and pull Grey towards him* It's important to you. Grey: That's exactly why it's not important. *Grey mutters, turning his head into Crowley's shoulder* Crowley: *he runs his fingers through Grey's hair again, more gentle than last time* No. That's why it /is/ important. Grey: *Grey sighs, so not in the mood to argue* I don't want to burden you. Crowley: *Crowley holds Grey closer to him* I don't mind Grey: *Grey chews his lip* Everything is terrible. *He says flatly* That is what's wrong. Crowley: *he pulls Grey's head back, kissing his forehead* So tell me. Grey: There are some things... I just can't... *Grey says thinking of the situation with Jo and how he's dead certain he can't tell Crowley that* Crowley: *Crowley nods and tucks Grey's head underneath his chin* Okay Grey: *Grey snuggles into Crowley* Pam hates me. *he mutters brokenly* Crowley: *he plays with Grey's hair* I highly doubt it. I think she has some things on her mind. Grey: Like what? *Grey looks up at Crowley, wondering if he'll finally get his answer about what the deal made was for* Crowley: *Crowley shakes his head* You know I can't go into that Grey: *Grey shoulders slump* Fine... *he says bitterly* Crowley: *he sighs into Grey's hair* You know I would if I could. Grey: *Grey's not sure Crowley would but he shakes it off* Well whatever. You telling me wouldn't change the fact she refuses to even be in the house with me now... Crowley: *Crowley pauses* Does she now... Grey: *Grey shakes his head* I-I don't want to talk about this anymore Crowley: *Crowley hums deep in thought, staring at the wall and thinking it over in his head* Grey: *Grey keeps himself curled against Crowley wondering if he's said too much* Crowley: *he runs his hand up and down Grey's back, still mulling things over in his head* Grey: *Grey closes his eyes. He wants so badly to forget* Crowley: *after a few minutes of contented silence Crowley sighs, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Grey's* Grey: *Grey bumps his head gently against Crowley* Crowley: *Crowley smiles and nudges his head back against Grey's* Grey: *Grey tries to smile but it just wavers a little* Crowley: *Crowley runs his fingertips over Grey's back* Cheer up Love. Grey: Hard to cheer up when the one friendship in my life that's not currently fucked is with a dog... Crowley: *he presses a kiss to Grey's hair again* Grey: *he wants to kiss Crowley back but he stops himself. If Crowley doesn't want to be a distraction then Grey shouldn't try and make him into one* Crowley: *Crowley leans back a little, taking Grey with him* Grey: *Grey murmurs a wordless noise of happiness when Crowley leans back and practically pulls Grey on top of him* Crowley: *he snaps his fingers, conjuring up a fire for warmth* Grey: I thought you said you'd warn me next time you did that *Grey laughs* Crowley: I figured me holding you against me would be enough *he laughs quietly* Grey: *Grey flushes scarlet* I guess *But no, it's not enough. He wants more than just being held* Crowley: *Crowley leans his head back against the cushions, his eyes closed* Grey: *He shifts around nervously, looking down at Crowley and chewing his lip* Crowley: *Crowley cracks open an eye, looking up at Grey* Grey: Crowley... *he says hesitantly* I want... *Grey lean down and kisses the demon softly on the lips* Crowley: *Crowley lets his eyes close again, kissing back tentitively* Grey: *The kiss gets needier, hungrier. Grey just wants this so bad right now* Crowley: *Crowley arches his back a little, digging his fingers into Grey's back* Grey: *Grey shifts so he's straddling Crowley's hips, nipping at the demon's lips and neck* Crowley: *he lets his hands fal to Grey's hips, rubbing circles into the exposed skin just above his waist line* Grey: *Grey purrs at the attention, his hands sliding into Crowley's shirt and over the bare skin beneath* Crowley: *Crowley lets his head fall back, exposing his neck to the monster, an open invitation* Grey: *He hesitants for a moment before kissing and licking at Crowley's neck* Crowley: *Crowley groans, pressing up into Grey's bites* Grey: *Grey growls against Crowley's throat, biting tenderly along Crowley's pulse* Crowley: *he brings a hand up to hold onto the back of Grey's neck rolling his hips against the monsters* Grey: *Grey pushes his hips down against the demon while still biting as his neck* Crowley: *Crowley squeezes Grey's neck, pulling him up to his lips again, moving both his hands down to rip off Grey's clothes* Grey: *He happily begins to pull off Crowley's clothes as well, desire pounding in his ears* Crowley: *he has to pull away from Grey's lips to pull his top over his head, arching up and biting down on his nipple while the monsters face is still covered by the material, smirking when he feels him jerk back from it* Grey: *Grey lets out a gasp when Crowley bites down on his nipple and it's muffled by his shirt, he struggles out of the clothing* You sneak! *He murmurs* Crowley: *Crowley smiles up at Grey, scratching his nails down his back* You love it Grey: Yes I do. *Grey purrs, arching his back and moaning, pressing down on Crowley's hips* Crowley: *Crowley works Grey's trousers down over his hips, still looking up at him* Yes, you do. Grey: *Grey whines eagerly, briefly getting off Crowley to take off his pants then climbing back on* Crowley: *Crowley pulls Grey back against him, biting down on his neck* Grey: *Grey moans at the bite* Fuck. Yes. Please. Crowley: *Crowley groans against Grey's neck, sliding his hands down his back, under his boxers to grope at his ass* Grey: *Grey catches his breath a little, his hands balling into fists in Crowley's shirt* Crowley: *he continues to knead at Grey's ass, biting down harshly on his neck before leaning back* Tell me what you need Grey: *Grey pants* I need you to fuck me. I need you to mark me. *Grey moans* I need you to make me scream your name. Crowley: *Crowley cants his hips up* Then undress me, and I think I can manage that *he huffs out a laugh and pull's Grey towards him* Grey: *Grey quickly begins pulling off Crowley's clothes, looking at the demon with his eyes just bleeding lust* Crowley: *Crowley helps rip off the last of his clothing, clicking his fingers to remove his trousers and underwear, leaning up to bite at Grey's chin and lips* Grey: *Grey nips back, pressing up against Crowley and shivering at the skin contact* Crowley: *he moves one hand up to support Grey's back when he flips them over, caging the monster in under his arms* Grey: *Grey mewls, reaching up and running his hands over Crowley's chest, shoulders and back while he arches his hips up slightly* Crowley: *Crowley finally rips off Grey's boxers, running his fingertips over the head of his cock* Come on Love, let me hear you... Grey: *Grey moans loudly, eager to let Crowley hear him* Oh please Crowley please! *he throws his head back and lets out a string of Enochian curses* Please! Crowley: *he grins down at Grey, leaning down to bite at his neck again, sucking at each mark after making it. Crowley lifts two fingers up to the monsters lips* Grey: *Grey whimpers happily at the bite. He licks playfully at Crowley's fingers before wrapping his mouth around them and sucking on them* Crowley: *Crowley lifts away from Grey's neck and looks down into his face while he brings his slick fingers down to the monsters entrance, pressing two fingers forward and watching for his reaction* Grey: *Grey gasps, closing his eyes and the corners of his lips jerking up in pleasure* Crowley *he whispers needily* Crowley: *Crowley leans down to kiss the corners of Grey's mouth, pressing his fingers in as deep as he can, smiling at the monsters reactions* Grey: *Grey presses back against Crowley's hand, little puffs of breath coming from him* Oh just... just fuck me already. *He growls kissing Crowley* Crowley: *he smirks slowly pulling his fingers free from Grey, kissing back with more fierceness than before* If you insist... *without any further delay Crowley lines himself up and pushes into the monsters tight heat* Grey: *He groans with the groan tapering off into a whimper when Crowley pushes inside him* Yes ah, Crowley! *Grey wraps his legs around the demon* Crowley: *Crowley groans low in his throat, driving his hips forward to thrust as deep as possible, gasping and leaning his forehead against Grey's* Grey: *Grey stares into Crowley's eyes while their foreheads are pushed together, biting his lip and choking back a moan as Crowley thrusts deeply into him* Crowley: *Crowley starts to thrust at a steady pace, one hand tangled into Grey's hair and the other sneaking down his stomach to grasp the monster's cock staring back un-blinking* Grey: *Grey gasps when Crowley's hand wraps around his cock but he quickly bites his lip again. He wants Crowley to /make/ him scream. The thrusts feel so good though, he has to bite his tongue* Crowley: *Crowley see's that Grey is holding back, he moves his grip on the monsters cock down to the base, tightening his grip to make sure that the monster can't come. Crowley looks down at the monster and grins* Grey: *Grey growls, panting for a second. He rolls his head to the side, looking at Crowley from the corner of his eye. Clearly, this time if the demon wants to hear him make noise or beg, he's going to have to work for it* Crowley: *Crowley leans down to bite down on Grey's clavicle, snapping his hips forward quickly. he slides up onto his knees, making Grey arch his back at a delightful angle* Grey: *Grey clenches his teeth together to keep from groaning when Crowley makes him arch his back. He digs his fingers into the demon's shoulders* Crowley: *Crowley frowns, loosening his hold on Grey's cock before letting go altogether, reaching up to hold the monsters hands above his head and biting down on his nipples* Grey: *He struggles against Crowley's hold on his wrists, mouth falling open when Crowley bites his nipples. Other than heavy breathing though, he doesn't make a sound. It's hard to stay so quiet* Crowley: *Crowley growls ripping his head away from Grey's chest, slowing his thrusts to a torturous pace, staring down at the monster with harsh eyes* Grey: *Grey smirks at Crowley, pulling the demon closer with his legs* What's the matter? *he whispers throatily* I told this time I wanted you to make me scream. Crowley: *Crowley growls again snapping his hips forward to hit the monsters prostate, keeping pressure on it* Shut it Grey: *Grey gasps, quickly stifling himself. But this is what he wanted this time. He bites up at Crowley's lips, growling when their just out of his reach, teeth clicking on air* Crowley: *he grins as Grey fails to bite at him, leaning forward to let his lips hover just over the monsters, moving back when he tries to bite at him again. Crowley starts to move his hips again, hitting Grey's prostate with each thrust* Grey: *he twists in pleasure under the demon, feeling the pleasure building inside him. He pants slightly as he continues to chases Crowley's lips. He wants to moan, to make any kind of noise, it's hard to keep himself from it but he won't. Not yet* Crowley: *Crowley moans deep in his throat, letting his forehead fall to Grey's shoulder. then he moves his hands from the monsters wrists around to his back, dragging Grey up so that their chests are pushed together, pushing him deeper into the monster* Grey: *Grey bites gently at the top of Crowley's ear, shuddering under the demon's touch, once again wrapping his arms around the demon. As Crowley pushes himself deeper and their bodies press together, a small mewl escapes his lips* Crowley: *Crowley turns his head to press his lips to Grey's throat, kissing him gently over his adams apple, humming and rolling his hips* Grey: *Grey's hand moves up to bury his fingers in Crowley's hair. He feels the vibrations from Crowley's humming against his skin along with the rolling of the demon's hips* Oh yes *he moans so quiet* Oh this is so good. Crowley: *Crowley hears the quiet moans, smiling and pressing more gentle kisses to Grey's neck, keeping a steady pace* Grey: *He tilts his head back, fingers twisting in the demon's hair* Crowley *he whispers nearly breathlessly* Crowley: *Crowley lifts his head to look into Grey's eyes, his own bleeding into black from lust* More, let me hear you... Grey: *Those damn black eyes, they always get him so hot* Ugh... make me. *Grey pants, arching his back* Crowley: *he growls at Grey's words, pushing their foreheads together again, his hands running up and down the monsters damp back* Grey: *Grey shivers again feeling Crowley's hands all over his back. It's like every place Crowley touches catches fire. He wraps his legs tighter around the demon* Crowley: *Crowley stares into Grey's eyes, using his powers to make the trails left by his fingertips feel icy cold. using the contrast to make him shiver, he can feel the monsters nipples hardening against him, as he speeds up his thrusts* Grey: Ah, fuck. *Grey gasps at the sudden chills. He can't stop staring into those black eyes it's almost like a magnetic force. And already he's so close. He bites down on his lip* Crowley: Ah, ah, ah *Crowley grips the bottom of Grey's cock, effectivly stopping any posibility of the monster coming any time soon* Not yet... Grey: *Grey growls* Damn it Crowley. *He tosses his head back, bending and twisting but he just can't get release* Fuck! Crowley: *Crowley smirks, hitting Grey's prostate again, biting down on the monsters jaw* Beg for it. Grey: *Grey finally cries out* Please! *And then much more softly* Please Crowley. Crowley: *Crowley kisses Grey softly, then he lets go of the monsters cock and drops him onto his back, fucking iton him more harshly than before* Grey: *Grey moans loudly when Crowley let's go of his cock and then the moan turns into an outright scream of pleasure as Crowley fucks him harshly. He can't stop himself from coming, vision going completely white, muscles tensing nearly painfully* Crowley: *he continues to fuck into Grey until the monster comes, his hips stuttering as he feels the monster tightening around him, he bites his lip and comes with a shout. when he eventually comes down from his climax Crowley closes his eyes, resting his forehead against the monsters and breathing heavily* Grey: *Grey lays there, legs and arms still wrapped around the demon, panting unevenly. The nerves in his body still sparking almost to the point of oversensitivity* Crowley... *he manages to gasp out, nuzzling at the demon's face* Crowley: *Crowley pushes Grey's hair out of his face, kissing his temple* Mmm? Grey: I... *he pauses to collect himself* I had forgotten how much I need this. How much I need you. *Grey's eyes are closed, he can't open them, the lids are too heavy. He's so tired and worn out. But he also doesn't want to have any reason to go. If he can't open his eyes then he can stay like this, and he wants to stay like this for as long as he can* Crowley: *he kisses Grey's lips as he slowly pulls out of the monster, laying down on his side and pulling him towards him. Crowley mumbles something about being happy to help into Grey's hair, settling his arm over his hip* Grey: *Grey snuggles closer to Crowley, as close as he can* Crowley: *Crowley clicks his fingers, conjuring up a thick blanket to drag over them, tangling his legs up with Grey's* Grey: *Grey lets out a quiet sigh. Happy for now to just be able to be this close with someone again. He slowly falls asleep* Crowley: *Crowley listens to Grey's slow breathing, letting it lul him to sleep*
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shepgarrus · 2 years
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WIP Ask Game Of SHAME
@misseffect decided to call me the fuck out on all my files >.>
Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it. And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
A lot of the Docs are chatlogs and those are the fics that never got written so they’re still part of my shame wall. All but one of these are shakarian.
Buckle up.
.
Googles Docs (owned by me, last modified)
shakarian biker/florist au [link]
ghost garrus au
ghost garrus mech
leviathan chatlog
9k of tws au v1 :’)
pheromone au
mako bang
shooting team au
hs au pt2 life what’s a life [hs au post link]
hs au the best au in existence [hs au post link]
no touching
once, in present tense [hs au post link]
tarquin heat
single dad!garrus shakarian au chatlog [link]
b&tb au / shakarian beauty and the beast au (different files same au)
biotic!garrus chatlog
garrus dies au
online dating au chatlog
shep asking g to watch her au
criminal minds au
breakup au chatlog
fam vacation
shakarian potc
words?????? 2.0 [post link]
copgarrus ffshep
prompts
online friends pt2
tws au
fake dating au
twinfemsheps au
ONLINE FRIENDSSSSSSS
red eyes
hypothermia
hs au 1 [hs au post link]
my failed attempt at hs au [hs au post link]
time dilation
post archangel anger
another ot3
ot3
alright hs au part 5 here we go [hs au post link]
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITSSSSSSSSS [hs au post link]
PINING AU EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY [hs au post link]
other awesome aus
hs au pt 3 bc we talk so much [hs au post link]
HS AU PART FUCKING 4 [hs au post link]
human garrus [link]
JOKER/EDI STUFF YAY [hs au post link]
i can fluff lith excuse
words?????? [post link]
me2 twinsheps disaster au
.
Evernote (recently created first)
ghost garrus round 3
turian shep
mako1
base breakup hospital
The Subvocal 32791474
heartrate
subvocal 2
clone baby 2.0
first contact
shower
dating realization
flux date
g to beam
omega
go right - archangel
ghost!garrus mechs
g rape
g rape start
fam vacation ring
fam vacation crying
clone baby
let me buy garrus gun mods
infertile garrus
me1 twinsheps
titanic g get notebook
camp nano snips
ghost garrus
turians w avatars of x
me2 first night b
me2 first night
titanic au meeting
liara getting self pregnant
secretary g music
save from girl’s day
if turian+met in military
truncated cont alchera
me1 castis yelling
victory banging
titanic au g listening
me2 biotics
2show 7wingseraph
titanic au dinner
titanic au post
titanic au mom
shep feelings
titanic au opening/closing
ghost au start
titanic au blanket post
titanic au scars
alchera numbers
180219b ******* that sentence one
ghost garrus
ghost garrus
idealism
reports
subvocals
species guide
.
I’m not tagging 107 of you, but if you want to feel good about your number of wips say I tagged you because guaranteed you’re better off than me xD However I will tag @gosh-emperor @apricare @jane-shepard @meggannn @a-cosmic-elf
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gordonradiotv · 4 years
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[CHATLOG: Tommy Coolatta - Gordon Freeman - 9:32am ]
GORDON: Hey, Tommy. Sorry it took me a second to respond. I’ve been busy.
GORDON: Sounds fun!
GORDON: What do you mean “important” though?
TOMMY: yay!!!!!!!
TOMMY: oh uh!!!
TOMMY: youll see
TOMMY: dont tell my dad about it when you see it though!!!
GORDON: ...Tommy this makes it sound so murdery
TOMMY: its not murdery mr.freeman :(
GORDON: It sounds murdery.
TOMMY: :( !!!
GORDON: I’m messing with you, man
GORDON: My lips are sealed
GORDON: Be there soon, bringing Joshua with me
TOMMY: hooray!!!!!! he can play with sunkist!!!!
TOMMY: see you soon mr.freeman!!!
58 notes · View notes
listoriented · 4 years
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Cibele
: a discussion.
Cibele is a game by Star Maid Games/ Nina Freeman [Nina’s website], and released in 2015. Feeling that my friends had more interesting things to say about Cibele than I did, I decided to get their thoughts on the record. Thus was born the first ever List Oriented podcast.
Sian Campbell edits Scum Mag and once baked a very good cake. Xanthea O’Connor [twitter] is a writer, performance-artist, audio tech person and a million other things. 
Xanthea also made the podcast theme song and helped with recording and EQ.  Interlude music was excerpted from the Cibele soundtrack by Decky Coss [bandcamp].
Hit the "read more" button at the bottom there to see the transcript.
Some topics we discussed include: - representations of early/online relationships - is Ichi a creep? - the framing of the ending - to what extent claims to autobiography matter
Some other books and games mentioned: - The Passionate Mistakes and Intricate Corruption of One Girl in America by Michelle Tea - Sour Heart by Jenny Zhang - Minor Characters by Joyce Johnson - I Love Dick by Chris Kraus - Emily is Away by Kyle Seeley
Finally, many interesting things have already been said about Cibele. Suriel Vasquez and Kate Grey both made arguments that Cibele is one of the few games to get sex right. Brendan Keogh notes how Cibele makes players aware that "both the players and creators of videogames never stop being fleshy, meaty bodies in actual space." Lena LeRay compared the depictions of online intimacy in Cibele and Emily is Away. G. Christopher Williams read the game's ending through the similarly cynical lens that we did.
next is Cities in Motion
Podcast transcript
Sian: There needs to be a theme song. [Singing] Welcome to List Oriented. *Finger Clicks*.
Xanthea: I think that’s great.
Sian: Nailed it. Hashtag, nailed it.
Xanthea: We’ll doodle a ukulele over it.
Connor: Can you put some beats in?
Xanthea: Yeah I’ll put some beats.
Connor: Maybe I should just make it so that just pops up automatically when the blog starts.
Sian: Noooo…haha. Like Myspace circa 2006…
[Podcast theme plays]
 Connor: So I’d like to begin by acknowledging the traditional owners and custodians of the land on which we meet today, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders past, present, and emerging.
Hey!
Xanthea: Hi
Connor: Hi
Sian: Hello.
C: Welcome to the first and possibly only edition of the List Oriented podcast, which is…a decision I have made to do a podcast instead of a blogpost for this game, Cibele. Cibele was made by Star Maid Games, which is the vehicle of Nina Freeman. It came out in 2015. To discuss it with me today I have some friends and experts.
X: [Laughs] That’s us!
S: Don’t fact check that.
C: Uh…Sian Campbell, editor of Scum Magazine, researcher extraordinaire…
S: Animal Crossing expert…and Connor’s housemate! Yay.
X: Correct.
C: Aaaand in the other corner… Xanthea O’Connor. Writer, performer…
X: Sims video expert…
C: …Connoisseur.
X: Mhm, mhm.
S: You’ve kind of made it sound like we’re gonna fight.
C: Yeah I mean…that’s probably not going to happen but…
S: Well we don’t know.
X: We’ve got the whiskey out…drinking coffee and whiskey at the same time.
C: Whiskey is a fighting drink. I have a friend who won’t drink whiskey because he says it makes him too angry.
X: That’s why I don’t drink tequila.
C: Oh! Cos it makes you too angry?
X: Mhm, yeah.
S: I don’t drink tequila because I end up with girls in bathrooms.
[All laugh]
C: So Cibele… or “Sybil” depending on who you are, uhm, is a game, which, kind of, is a bit different from other games, it is…uh. It has you play as Nina, the main character, uhm, who you see introduced at the start of the game in a like, full motion video when she sits down at the computer. And then the next thing we have access to Nina’s desktop so we are - kind of - Nina but we’re kind of also not-Nina. Uhm, and we can rifle through her pictures and her archived blog posts, uhm, and then eventually we get to open up this game called Valtameri which is sort of a Final Fantasy parody type thing, and we play Valtameri with this guy called Ichi, or Blake, uhm…
X: Spoiler he’s a creep.
C: Well. Arguably he’s a creep. Uhm. And we just talk to him. Aaaand… our other friends are messaging us while we’re playing but we’re not that interested, uhm. And we kind of have this cycle a few times where we play the game, and then we maybe send photos to Ichi or…maybe…I dunno what else happens but anyway there’s like three phases of the game and it takes place over a few months and then… that’s kind of… it. That’s the end of the game. I dunno. Anything to add?
X: Should we give a spoiler that at the end he lives in another state and he comes to see her, at the end…
C: Or us…
X: Or us… and then… they Have Sexxx. And then, the last bit of the game is him saying that it was a mistake, over the internet, and you see the last image of her at the computer looking very isolated and then it’s just the end of the game. Is that alright to say? The spoiler?
C: Yeah we’re not going to be able to talk about the game without saying that, so.
X: Yeah we need to say there’s unresolved tension at the end. Uhm…yes. That there’s no way to resolve.
C: Uhmmm yeah so it’s unusual, I mean, like I suppose some people at the time made a point about it’s not being a game you “play” so much as experience because you can’t really have any influence on it, it’s more just about exploring…the life that is presented to you.
X: And whatever influence that you do have, doesn’t really affect the main narrative. So you can do small little actions, like you can choose text that you say to people, but it doesn’t actually change anything that happens.
C: Yeah. You can’t make meaningful choices.
S: I did like that you can engage with, or not engage with, the background media as much as you wanted to. Because it’s got the interface of her desktop where you can look in her desktop folders, look at her selfies, pull up chatlogs all that kind of stuff. And you don’t have to in order to experience the game. And I liked that element of it because it was, I guess, immersive and, yeah. Again, it didn’t really influence the gameplay in any way. And you could safely assume that people would look at everything, because that’s kind of how most people play games. But, yeah, I thought that achieved the goal, which was to make it feel like you were her, on her computer.
X: Whereas for me I felt like, maybe as someone who doesn’t game quite as much – calling myself out here - but, the idea of going through those things maybe wasn’t as exciting for me so maybe I did speed through the game a bit more occupying Myself rather than the character of Nina. Maybe because I found looking through photos that were similar to photos I would have taken in 2008 deeply frustrating uhm, yeah. But it’s just different experiences I guess.
S: I found interesting in terms of, like, obviously this is a creative work that she’s made, so I came at it from the point of view of wondering about the inclusion of certain things. Like, why that photo as opposed to – I’m sure she has hundreds of photos of that time – like what does this photo or poem say about that time in her life that another photo taken in the same photo session didn’t? Or something like that, I mean, obviously everything that was included in the desktop interface was a deliberated choice and so I found that aspect interesting.
C: Hmm yeah, like someone else had made the point which wasn’t something that I’d picked up on but, that some of the photos were intentionally bad photos that were included, which I guess when we’re talking about the choice of presentation uhm. And her poetry and chatlogs and it’s this idea of airing your dirty laundry…
X: Well it’s still curated.
C: Yeah, very much so.
X: But, it’s very clear that there’s the intention there that it is a little bit more vulnerable than what you might just put online it’s like, yeah it’s more the sort of stuff you might just keep in a file somewhere on desktop, I guess there’s that vulnerability that you don’t normally get on a blog or Instagram or something like that.
S: And I guess that by being vulnerable she signposts to us as player or consumer in some ways that we should trust this as a confessional work.
X: Mhm. It does feel very much like rifling through someone’s diary, or…yeah that feeling of you’re totally not meant to look at someone’s phone, but there’s occasionally that impulse to do so, and it definitely feels like you’re doing something that’s…it’s kind of not okay, but within the game context…
S: Yeah. And so I find that interesting coz it’s kind of her giving us the phone and wiping everything on the phone other than the things that are on it, but the things that are on it are kind of not necessarily things that make her look the best, so I, yeah. It’s interesting from a curatorial point of view.
X: Mhm. Yeah it’s definitely curated from someone looking back at that self and being really honest. Which I find really interesting. And I haven’t really… again, not a huge gamer but I haven’t seen that in a game before, that really confessional, like, autobiographical…
C: Yeah. I mean it definitely comes from a place of there being not much autobiography in games and certainly not with this, uhm, mix of mediums that it’s sort of used where you’ve got this, like, video of the character which is played by the person who made the game who’s named the character after themselves and so it’s like…they’re acting as themselves, and then using bits from their life, and there’s a game element to it, and a movie element to it…and all these things are sort of slipping over. Whereas I think other autobiographical games have been more text based or uhm… traditional, in air quotes…
 [Music plays: excerpt from “turn on” by Decky Coss]
 X: So do you want to talk about…do we want to talk about what we did like and didn’t like…now?
C: Yeah. I find it — I guess I find it a really interesting game. And it’s almost like, for me, because it’s so unusual in so many ways it almost like …avoids the question, for me, as to whether or not it’s something “I like”. I guess what I liked about it is it’s something I haven’t really experienced elsewhere, uhm, it’s a very novel game to me. Like I do think it has identifiable shortcomings which I guess we’ll come to later, but, uhm…
X: So you like the experimentation of it?
C: Yeah. I do like the experimentation of it. I like the way it, uhm, mixes these things together and the way it plays with autobiography, which is another thing I’m sure we’ll talk more about it. I like it’s sound and visual kind of…the desktop artwork, it’s design. I have a basic appreciation of that I suppose.
X: She’s got a really strong aesthetic. I think that can be fully agreed upon. Sian, what about you?
S: I’ve never played online collaborative gaming like the kind of gaming this game is about and referencing, and that the game-inside-the-game is meant to, I guess, be a play on or be an example of. I… I found the game kind of rudimentary and not that enjoyable to play. As in the game “Valtameri”, uhm.
X: Also, I don’t think you even had to actually play it because Ichi was playing it…
S: Mhm, I couldn’t tell, I thought you did.
C: Yeah, I feel like if you did nothing it wouldn’t go forward at all…
S: Yeah I agree. But. I feel like it did what intended to do which was immerse you in the idea of being a person playing a game while listening to the audio of a story which is of people talking while playing a game, so it was effective in its aim in that sense, but it just wasn’t an enjoyable experience to actually play it. I found it boring and clunky.
X: I think I was beginning to dread having to go in there and do it, too.
S: Me too.
X: It’s almost like a meditative means to an end within the game. But the actual game itself is like…ugh. Just like, clicking. Like Diablo but…with worse monsters.
C: Yeah.
X: Does that make me sound really stupid?
C: No. I mean that’s what it is.
X: I think if…I think if there had been a little bit more, like, difference, so if it was a different kind of game, or if it was simple it was so simple it mirrored a game like Diablo or games like that…if it didn’t mirror a game like that it might be more interesting but I found myself clicking and just “oh I don’t want to play… I want to play an actual good game” and uhmm yeah
S: Yeah. I found it tedious and I found… I don’t know if it was just my Mac I was playing it on but I found it soooo clunky and awkward and like, to actually navigate inside the game was just a nightmare and so I was the same, I was dreading it every time I had to do that part.
C: Yeah I wonder like, uhm… if they had built Valtameri to be more interesting it would have detracted from the point of it which was I guess, uhm, the paying attention to the conversation or…
X: Well you’re forced to coz it’s so monotonous.
C: Yeah.
S: I was thinking the same thing. And I’m wondering if there was…I mean, there would be, there would be a way of having it simplistic in terms of goals and fighting and all that while also… not being as boring and annoying. But, yeah. I was also thinking the same thing in that because it was so straightforward it did give you that space to absorb the story better.
C: Yeah.
X: Mhm.
S: In terms of, like, bigger picture, I just didn’t really like the framing at the end. Which was, kind of the game ends and it leaves you with this message that… this is an experience of what first love is which I felt was, uhm, again a bit clunky and didn’t feel honest to me. Which I thought was interesting because the game itself is quite a vulnerable, confessional, honest game.
X: Yeah, it was very good at interrogating Nina, and very good at doing a lot of showing not telling but still interrogating the character of Ichi, but then… interrogating the relationship itself felt, like…yeah, when it said it was about first love… not… I dunno. Was it?
S: Yeeeah, you’re talking about a relationship that never was with someone you were never really with. Uhm, it was very unclear, I guess. And it was interesting – and I think most people have had relationships like this, online – where you’re communicating with someone primarily online and forming this relationship and this bond but also but kind of on one level… I guess, unsure as to where that relationship fits outside the box that is your computer.
X: Yeah, and I found that, actually, the whole premise of the game for me – as, like, someone who has left their early twenties, thankfully – of knowing that environment and knowing those people and that sort of relationship that gets built online, and as soon as we’re introduced to Ichi the character I wanted to just shut it down.
S: Mhm.
X: It was like “eurgh I know what’s going to happen, I… don’t want to be there for that”. And so there was that… again, I don’t know if it’s something I necessarily liked or disliked, I just found it a very confronting part of the game, that, I wasn’t sure… whether it was for me necessarily, or what the point of it would be for me to play.
C: Yeah, right. I feel like, that was really interesting for me actually, playing it this time, because I have played it once before back after it came out…I played it not long after… and I think my experience this time, it seemed a lot more like… obvious how, Ichi, the things he said seemed quite… bad. And I didn’t remember it being quite so bad. Like I felt like his actions were always questionable. But just the whole…like all of his dialogue…is
X: It’s very well done.
C: Oh it’s very well done. It seems very real.
X: But that’s the thing. If you’ve never been groomed online before. I dunno. Can I say he was grooming? I feel like it was kind of…
S: It wasn’t *not* grooming, it was…[sighs] it’s hard to tell, I mean, I guess. And that’s part of what’s interesting is that it’s her memories of how it happened and what their conversations were like, then portrayed by somebody else. So of course, we can only go on what we actually see but it’s referencing something that happened and probably what we’re listening to is quite different from what actually was being said, so that line is quite murky and unclear. I found it hard to tell exactly to what extent he knew what he was doing or even if he was doing anything other than just enjoying playing a game with someone who was showing him that kind of positive attention, like, a girl who was showing him that kind of attention. It was kind of unclear to me where he wanted it to go or even if he wanted it to go anywhere. She was kind of the one pushing them meeting up and things like that. I felt like he was toying with her, very much so. I don’t know whether I would say he was….hmm, I would say he was grooming her but I don’t know whether it was…
X: …a premeditated sort of predatory…
S: Yeah. Yeah.
X: Yeah, I think it’s quite interesting, thinking about that and where you are upon reflection making this dialogue, I guess as the maker of the game, as Nina did, it reminds me of…after we’d played the game, uhm, and I opened up my laptop and I got all my 2007 emails spat at me and, heaps of emails from old friends, and lots of guy friends talking about girl stuff, like putting in, like copy-pasting msn messenger chat things they’d had with girls like “I don’t know what this means, can you help?” And I was reading through, and it was very similar like baiting sort-of situations where someone’s like “well I’m not very good” and you’re like “no, you’re great!”. And like… very similar dialogue, where I’m sure these friends of mine were not predatory they were just, like, trying to get some affection, just being like – they must have been sixteen, seventeen at the time, like – really trying to figure out how to broach a like a sexual or romantically intimate relationship with somebody, and there’s just a lot of like, neediness in those conversations, that I forgot was a thing, until I got all those emails being like… oh we were so… like, if we now, in our late twenties to thirties messaged something like that, we’d be like… “you’re a freak”, like. You wouldn’t be able to say what we were saying back then. So yeah, I think it’s kind of interesting…what you’re saying, is that we assume that it’s predatory because as older people now, because that’s what it signifies but… when you’re younger…sometimes it can just be, like…
S: Yeah, on one level I felt like he was…just confused and out of his depth. Like this girl, that he’s obviously attracted to, and very much enjoying having the attention of, is then suddenly starting to push the line of, “well are we gonna meet up”, and he’s kind of thinking “Oh. She wants to meet up with me. I hadn’t actually thought…”. Like, it seemed like he’s just enjoying the online experience, and she’s the one who wanted to solidify things and meet up. From my memory I mean, I played it a couple of months ago. And then he’s kind of, it seemed maybe, internally wrestling with the idea of “do I want that? If I want that, it’ll obviously be beneficial for me in those certain ways”, but it’s obviously… most people, or at least most girls who have been through that wringer at least would be able to tell going into it that he didn’t actually…that there was not going to be a relationship, that he uhm… when he came to New York that wasn’t going to be a love story coming to fruition.
X: Yeah, totally.
S: But obviously she was engaging in these like fishing tactics too that we all did when you’re young and you try and feel out what’s actually happening: “Does this person like me? Do they not like me? Oh I’m ugly, I’m sure, oh…” you know, all that kind of bashful…
X: And, that as well, because you can see how vulnerable she is on her desktop, like you can see all those photos, and you can see the development of her sexualisation as well within the game because…it’s in three parts right? Where it goes, like, the first time, and then it’s a few months later, a few months later. And you can see every time the desktop refreshes she is like more sexualised, you can see her search history of things she’s looking through, you can see where it’s heading in her own mind. And there is those fishing tactics from both sides. It’d be really interesting to see, like, Ichi’s desktop as well. Like, I would love the other side of, what he’s looking at.
S: Yeah.
X: Because, for me, I can look at Nina’s desktop as long as I want – like, I get it. But I would love to know what he’s doing. And like, his intentions. Obviously, Nina doing that would be disingenuous. But it would be really interesting to have a game, of like, a 17-year-old boy’s desktop, and understanding where that headspace is.
S: I thought there were some interesting context clues, in the game, that were interesting on a few different levels, hinting at the idea that this was something he did with girls, that he kind of…played with them, that he was only interested in playing games with girls, obviously enjoying this attention. That was something that was I think said by at least one person she talked to, and possibly multiple people that she talked to was, oh. I kind of got the sense that she was new girl that he was “playing with”, in multiple senses.
X: And those things like, burned out, sort of.
S: Yeah. I kind of thought that context was interesting. Because, if you’ve been through this relationship, you have the ability to see what’s happening, which is why you and I both have a stronger feeling that this guy is in some ways… not necessarily predatory, but, in some ways manipulative and, just bad news. Just not… uncomfortable.
X: We’re playing through a pattern of behaviour that isn’t going to be healthy for either them…
S: Yeah, uhm, and so we can recognise that, it feels like we’re meant to recognise that, it feels like those clues are…they’re not even clues, it’s part of the dialogue, we can hear it, we can interpret it. And those context clues of other people referencing the fact that this has happened with other girls… well it seemed like what those other people were referencing.
C: Mhm.
S:  Those were deliberate things put in the game by Nina, which is interesting when you think about the way that she then frames the game at the end as “this is just a story about first love.”
X: Mhm. It’s…yeah, it’s confusing, definitely, because it’s kind of undermining like what you think she’s setting out to achieve, and almost like… is that just meant to be…a joke? How intentional is that? Did she not know how to wrap it up? Wrap up the story to resolve it all…
S: Yeah that’s what I was unclear of. It did almost feel like she felt it needed one final, like, “and this is what the game is” flagging. Whereas I thought it would be more powerful and interesting if she just left it the way it was but without that kind of final message.
X: Mhm.
S: And so in some ways I felt frustrated by that messaging because I’d interpreted it so differently, and I was then being told that my experiences were incorrect, I guess? That maybe I’d interpreted it wrong. It also made me sad for her that she was interpreting it in that first love sense. And it made me feel guilty for feeling sad for her [laughs] like it was…it was an interesting choice for her to kind of….in such a cerebral, experimental game, where you have the power to experience it the way you want, for then for her to tell you how it should be read was… an interesting choice.
X: Mhm, yeah, totally. Coz it almost makes you second guess, like oh was she not upset? Did he not just do something that was, like, not loving?
C: Yeah, I though that was… uhm, like, a weird bit of the author coming to then tell you what the game is about. But at the same time it reminded me of – I recently read a memoir by Michelle Tea, Passionate Mistakes – and in it she talks about… there’s a scene where she says one of her early boyfriends, she says, that telling him “I love you” was like, a code for “we can have sex now”. And I thought that like, in the context of this game being kind of, like… I think Nina does the same thing in Act 2, she says “I love you”, like,  “I think I love you”, and then it’s… it’s part of the development of the relationship and it’s like heading towards having sex for the first time. Uhm, and that kind of being framed as…maybe that’s more of an American thing? Like, a code, I dunno.
X: Nooo, it’s not.
[Laughter]
X: It’s not an American code. Unless I am American.
C: Or is it a teenage code?
X: It’s definitely, I dunno for me it’s definitely a teenage code.
C: Sure.
X: I think it was, another book that I was reading recently, and talked about constantly while I was reading it…was it Minor Characters by Joyce Johnson? Yeah. That’s the one.
C: I guess we can edit in the correct title later.
[Laughter]
X: And she…it’s like a beat memoir of a women during the beat era, and she dated Jack Kerouac, and it’s saying that…during that era, and I mean still it holds true, but like, women, or young girls are taught to safe guard their virginity, and boys are taught to safeguard themselves, and that idea of love being… like, giving, giving way to something that you can lose yourself to. And I think that it 100% feels like that, like when women say - when girls say - “I love you”, it’s like, very much about that idea of safeguarding their bodies.
C: Right.
X: And, yeah, I don’t know where else to go from there. But it’s very…it’s not just American, I think it’s like, across the board. In like, early relationships.
C: Okay.
S: Mhm.
X: What do you think, Sian?
S: I dunno, it was… I don’t necessarily have any opinion about the sexual element to it. I guess I feel like I got the sense that she wanted to have sex, like that was something she wanted to do, she was ready for and thinking about, and thinking was kind of her way of accessing that, in some ways. Uhm. Mhm. I was sort of…was very unclear of his… thinking, I guess, and what he was thinking about, where he was coming from, who he was as a character. Just, I didn’t get a sense specifically of who he was. Like I feel like I’ve probably met gamer guys like him… it… She gave us some ideas but I also… I think what you were saying in wanting to see his desktop was interesting because we got such a clear idea of who she was but we didn’t get any of that from the actual audio, from the actual in-game experience of them chatting. They didn’t talk about their life, pretty much at all. So, everything we learnt of her we got from her desktop. So, we didn’t get that same chance to learn who this guy was. What he did outside this game. Where he lived, who he lived with, what he studied. We didn’t get any of that. And I think, hmm, I agree with you – I don’t think she could have added that, I think it would have been disingenuous and it would have been against the point of what the game actually was as experimental memoir basically.
X: Hmm. But I also think with so many gamer guys as, uh, as a woman who has dated a lot of gamer guys, I think that…especially during that time when you’re just going into university, you are like plumbing for depth, like emotional depth in people that you’re dating, and often it’s just not developed yet, like, I dunno. From experience I think that, this guy I honestly just think – like I know I said his behaviour felt like it was grooming, but – he just, maybe, as well, had no idea what he was doing.
S: I kind of – yeah, I got that sense as well. I mean, I think he knew what he was doing in terms of fostering her attention, but in the larger picture I don’t think he was a particularly deep or interesting person.
[Laughter]
X: I remember… I dated this guy – anecdote! We can cut this out – uhm, but I dated this guy when I was like 17, and it was my first year of uni, I met him in my maths class – shoutout, you know who you are! Uhm… and he… I remember like in the first week of us dating he said that he missed his bus stop because he was thinking, and I was like “oh my god, he’s so deep, he like missed his bus because he was Thinking” and I, like, “I wonder what he was thinking about, probably me, how amazing I am”.
[Laughter]
X: And then maybe a month later or like two months later, he was like “oh yeah I missed my bus stop again”, and I was like “oh what were you thinking about?”. And he was like “oh you know, just what everyone said during the day”. [Laughs]. Like he was just, no further reflection. Just what everyone said in sequential order, and it was just that moment of like, oh… you weren’t, it wasn’t… there was no depth to the thought, you were just daydreaming about the sequence of events during the day, uhm. And that moment of, like, disillusionment was quite… upsetting.
S: Mhm.
X: But yeah I feel like that’s what we could have done during this game, is that we’ve turned him into this guy that’s like…. well, for me, definitely I’ve like, in my head while I was playing it, I was like “what a piece of trash”, like. But he probably just logs off and twiddles his thumbs, and, I don’t know… plays Fortnite.
S: Yeah it’s kind of like that, I don’t know. I was gonna say meme. I feel like there’s tik-toks about it where girls are like “urr I wonder what he’s thinking or why he’s not messaging me back” and he’s literally just playing games or asleep or just…outside! And there’s no greater mystery to it, it’s just that he’s not currently texting you, coz he’s a boy, and they’re boring!
[Laughter]
X: Mhm, yeah.
S: But yeah I totally agree that uhm…of having had so many times that experience of having had so many times that experience of just assuming people must be thinking these larger internalised thoughts like there’s this whole world of them we’re not accessing and that felt…I felt like that as well while playing this game. Or I felt her feeling that, while playing this game.
X: Totally, coz there’s so much of her planning in there. So much of her planning flights and looking at prices of flights and things like that. And it’s like, she’s putting so much energy into, and like I’m sure he had not even googled a flight until…
S: I don’t even think he was thinking about them meeting up really until she kind of…started, felt like she was…not pushing it but…
X: She was giving ultimatums kind of…
S: Yeah.
C: Which I mean, fair enough.
X: Yeah.
 [Music interlude: excerpt from “what would happen if we met” by Decky Coss]
 C: So…uhm, we sort of touched on it before but like, “who is this game for?” is a question that Xanthea you suggested we should talk about.
X: Yep.
C: Possibly because you didn’t think – not to put words in your mouth –
X: Put ‘em in.
C: - but you weren’t sure, like, you weren’t sure if this game had a target, or that if there was a particular set of people that should be playing this, or like. I dunno, what were your thoughts?
X: Yeah I dunno, I just felt like, especially by the end of it when it was…or even as I started it, and hearing the dialogue, I knew what was going to happen. And I felt that…like sitting and playing – I wouldn’t have finished playing if I wasn’t playing with you, Connor, because…I was like “I know what’s going to happen…”
C: Yeah.
X: “and it’s going to be annoying”…like “it’s going to irritate me”. So…yeah. I think that it’s… you don’t go into playing this game for like, excellent gameplay, or like…I, I dunno. I think it’s an experiment, and it’s a worthy and valid experiment of a game, uhm. But as a standalone, I’m not sure… if I’m like “cool I feel entirely satisfied, as a, as a consumer of this game”. Like I want there…coz it is that experiment, now I want something else to come out that’s inspired by it…
S: Mhm.
X: Does that make sense?
S: I sort of felt like… uh, I guess as wanky as it might sound, I sort of felt that it’s just a piece of art, and it didn’t need or even have a specific target audience, it was just created for art’s sake. And I guess if I had to say who it was for, I guess, people who enjoy immersive, experimental gameplay but… yeah I’m kind of the same mind in that I’m excited by it as a starting off point, in terms of gaming.
X: Unless we sell it to the government and they lock teenage boys in rooms and make them play it.
C: Do you think there’s like an educational element where teenage boys should play it and understand, that like…?
X: I dunno that girls are real people? Maybe.
[Laughter]
X: That’s another – okay, another boyfriend that i had, once, two months into dating the next boyfriend - everyone goes to take a drink - he said, uhh, “I didn’t realise that girls had feelings until I started dating you”, which was, like, the most –
S: Did you break up with him immediately?
X: No, we dated for a year and a half.
S: But he didn’t know women were…he didn’t know girls were people.
X: I know!
S: That’s scary!
X: And he dated a lot of women before me. Uhm…and yeah! But maybe I’m coming at it from a radicalised point of view, given my dating history.
[Laughter]
X: But yeah, I think that this game for like, Sian and I – and Connor as well I guess – is like, preaching to the converted that these relationships, these early relationships being fraught and problematic and, like… very difficult to navigate. Yeah, so, as you said, it does feel more as a piece of artwork acknowledging all those issues. But at the same time, I think it does have a message that feels…interesting. I just don’t think a young boy would pick it up and be like “I can’t wait to play this game!”
S: Mhm. I think I would love to have a conversation with a bunch of girls at different points in their life, like a fifteen-year-old girl and a seventeen-year-old girl and a nineteen-year-old girl. Like find out what someone thinks when they’re in the middle of these kind of relationships, playing this game, like…do they recognise it? Do they have thoughts about as being manipulative, or uhm, that kind of fishing idea that they’re both doing, engaging in that kind of fishing behaviour… I’d be really interested to know what I would have said about the game, when I was eighteen.
X: Yeah. I think if I was playing it at eighteen I would have a lot more internalised misogyny, of just being like “oh she was just super needy and”…
S: Mhm. And I think… it’s so hard to say, like, would…would I have felt more impacted by it? Would I have felt more called out by it? Would I have felt more seen, or…would I have wanted to… I think I probably would have read it the same way that Nina is now telling us to read it, which is as a love story, because…that’s kind of…I would have been closer to Nina’s, I guess, idea of who she was when she was…when we are Nina in this game. I think that’s what I would have…would have been my experience as an eighteen-year-old.
X: Hmm…
S: So it’s kind of interesting, I think I would have… shipped them. As it were.
X: Totally.
C: Yeah right?
X: And would have focussed a lot more on him being like, he’s so like…he’s so cute, or like… kind of getting really into that idea that’s like oh yeah… and like, actively shipping, as you say.
S: Mhm, picking up on things he said that indicated he was interested, as opposed to now, when your bullshit meter is just going Off The Charts.
X: Totally! Every, every bit…like literally the first game you play it’s like “ew, go away.”
[Laughter]
X: “Where is the option to never play with this guy ever again? Oh wait, it doesn’t exist. It’s the whole game. How horrible for you Nina”.
C: Yeah I remember you saying that you felt almost like a bit trapped by it, by the fact that you can’t get out of it, like you have to experience this…not, not that it’s necessarily trauma, but like-
X: Yeah it’s traumatic! And you…I mean, every line that he was saying was like ugh, it felt so close to…things…I’ve heard online because I was quite a vulnerable teenager, who was constantly fishing for things online – call myself out, hundred percent. And yeah, it’s very challenging to go back and look at somebody doing that and not being able to, within gameplay, do anything about that.
S: Mhm.
X: Like sit her down and be like. “Nina. We need to have a talk about this. You’re fine. Chill out. Go for a walk. This guy’s…not good.” Like, yeah, I dunno I think, uhm…coz you yeah I dunno I think I very much… immediately saw that and it frustrated me.
C: Yeah. That’s fair.
X: But, I mean, if it’s a work of art that’s okay! It’s allowed to frustrate.
S: I think that feeling of being trapped is interesting coz I had that same sense of being locked in, uhm, but at the same time I think that feeling is an effective one in making you feel immersed in this person’s life. Like it really…because I guess, you are locked in and because of the desktop element and because of the kind of immersing gameplay it really felt like you were experiencing this person’s life in a way that…I’m not sure whether it would have been as effective if you could kind of pause and click out and stop.
 [music interlude: “cibele” by Decky Coss]
 C: Uhm, I guess one final thing we can talk about is, this idea of it being autobiographical or not? Or where it kind of sits on that spectrum – I suppose because this isn’t something that’s been done so much in games uhm… we were kind of looking at the idea of it being “autofictional” because it’s taking the idea of, the intentional blending of something that happened in the life of the creator so it’s sort of like memoir, but it’s also an intentional, uhm, saying that it is not totally autobiographical because it’s not using certain elements, or it’s recreating certain elements. Uhm, so I dunno – Sian, because you are the autofiction expert in the room, what was your kind of idea about how it was positioning itself?
S: Uhm, I would say…on one level I would be inclined to say it didn’t read as autofiction to me because it just felt like it was a retelling of something that happened, it didn’t feel like we were meant to suspend our disbelief or that we were meant to uhm, assume that anything that happened didn’t happen exactly as it happened – I got the sense that it was almost in some ways quite literal. I dunno. I think I would have to think a lot harder about this. I think autofiction’s interesting because a lot of the time it relies on what you already know about the creator…
C: Yeah right.
S: …which is an interesting kind of thing to have to consider as a reader, and also as a writer of autofiction is…when you’re flagging something as inherently false, how is your reader or player or consumer meant to pick up that it is inherently false, if they don’t happen to know you? If they don’t know what actually happened, how do they know that this is you playing with the truth? Will they assume this is true? I’m not sure she put anything in there that we were meant to assume didn’t happen. I’m not sure she was playing with the truth – I think she was trying to get at the truth. But without knowing more about her I suppose it’s really hard to make that call.
X: Was it ever acknowledged to be based on true events at the beginning?
S: I think it was.
C: Yeah I think so and maybe not in the game specifically except for that author’s note at the end where it’s kind of like, suddenly not Nina the character speaking to you, it’s Nina who made the game – I think that’s the only time in the game where it acknowledges that the game was based on true events. But uhm, like, outside the game there have been interviews and articles that have been “this is a game about my first experience of like, hooking up with someone from the internet.”
X: Yeah coz it kind of feels like – who’s that author who wrote Sour Heart?
S: Oh, Jenny Zhang?
X: Yeah, Jenny Zhang, when she came to Australia and did an interview at Wheeler Centre she was talking about how frustrated she is that all of her fiction – even though it’s definitely fiction – is always assumed to be autobiographical…
S: Mhm.
X: Just coz she’s writing about, like, a demographic of her own experience it’s just assumed… and I think it’s like, kind of similar here. It’s like, does it matter if it’s autobiographical? Does it matter how much is true and how much it’s not? This is kind of more a universal truth of internet, uhm, intimacy. And like, I think that is enough to be a valid – frustrating, uhm, but valid, still…
S: If I was gonna think of where I would position it from a literature perspective – because that’s what I know, and that’s what I do — is, it is quite reminiscent of I Love Dick in some ways. It’s very confessional, it’s telling the story of someone’s relationship with someone else who doesn’t get a chance to…weigh in, I guess, and it is a retelling. It’s using real artefacts, I guess, with reimagined, and in some cases hyper-realistic…mmm
X: Re-enactments.
S: Yeah. So I think, that’s where I would position it. In terms of when thinking about literature which is what I do.
C: Yeah. Yeah, I guess, Xanthea you’re more of a memoir fan? Uhm..
X: Yeah. I love a good memoir.
C: You prefer it to…you prefer things that are passing things off as fully truthful? Or some version of…the truth?
X: Yeah “fully truthful”…whatever that is. Uhm. I like things that aim to be truthful. And I like things that interrogate themselves enough to feel like…anything that’s passed off as “this is entirely what happened, the truth”, I don’t believe… but uhm. Yeah. I think at this point it doesn’t matter who made it – for me, this has a larger truth to it, in some ways.
C: The universal experience…
X: I think it is getting at a universal experience of like, internet intimacy.
C: So you don’t… so it doesn’t matter if like, that experience, is making a claim to like, “this was my experience”? Like this is… or…
X: Honestly, I don’t think it matters. Like, uhm. I think it’s kind of beyond the point. And I think it’s why I’m more interested in stuff that’s made because of this work. It’s just kind of opening up to more conversations.
C: Yeah, sure.
S: I think I really…probably the reason I like autofiction as a literary genre, is because it interrogates that idea that you were saying of…does it matter or not matter if it’s true or not? I like work that plays with that idea, and I think this work is probably important because it does feel true, it feels like her version of events. And I think, I would definitely love to see more games that interrogate that idea of truth versus untruth. And I think…I haven’t played a lot of games like this, but I’m not super across all the games. I don’t know a lot of things. I play Animal Crossing, and the Sims, and Stardew Valley. And I don’t have, y’know, a large library, but when I do find experimental games like this I do seek them out, and I would be very interested to see what builds off this. I think in terms of that idea of does it matter if this is really her experience, I’m thinking of games like Emily is Away -
C: Yeah for sure.
S: Where, it’s very similar in some ways of, like, that experience of being on the desktop, being in the chatlog, having these conversations… And it is a different experience in terms of how, what you get out of playing that game versus playing Cibele.
X: Yeah and I think as well, uhm, making games around experiences that are, I guess popularly more marginalised, having that ability to play with truth and how much we know about things is kind of important. I’m just thinking back to a few months ago when I was really obsessed with Ned Kelly and there was lots of “based on truth” sort of, fictionalised accounts of Ned Kelly, but also, there are fictionalised accounts of like, the women in his life as well, so there’s novels around that. And how, I found, all of those novels coming together, all of those fictionalised entities coming together, it didn’t even matter at the end whether it was true or not, I just got a really interesting viewpoint of someone who has created so much drama and intensity and how that had affected other people. And I find that really, like, just as valid in terms of storytelling as someone claiming this to be the whole truth of like, a biography of Ned Kelly, which, I’ve never really gained much from. But, like, a fictionalised account of sister, I found really really interesting coz it was like, looking at, how…now I’m just talking about Ned Kelly. I’m gonna stop. I’m sorry. Uhm.
[Laughter]
S: What I liked about this game was that it felt aggressively female. And I mean, it is, it’s aggressively female, it’s aggressively confessional, and I think the gaming world needs more of that and I think it does, in some ways, carve out a little patch of internet or game, as it was, and opens a door. It starts a dialogue about what games can be – or continues a dialogue I suppose, I wouldn’t necessarily say it starts a dialogue but… I think the more people who understand that games can be for them, and games can be kind of art and games can be whatever they want and games can tell a story and games can be for women who have been made to feel that games weren’t for them by men, the better. Not that that’s what was happening here, but I can see that this game would make someone who had been made to feel that way feel that “oh games can be female” and that’s great and fun and cool.
X: I think that’s a good place to start, I mean finish, not start, finish.
C: Alright, so…
S: Let’s do it all over again!
C: Yeah, I think so too.
X: Any more final words?
S: Mmm, this has made me wanna follow Nina Freeman more and see what her other games are like. I haven’t played her other games, I feel like… it might be worth…
C: Oh yeah!
X: The date one is sick. [Laughs] I love the date one.
C: The date one, yeah, we played that? We Met in May, the recent one.
S: Oh wait, I have actually…
X: It’s absurd, I love it. You make a boy do weird things with his arms.
C: Yeah! There’s like a game where you grab his nipples…
X: Yeeeah, my dream.
S: Ohhh, I think I’ve played one of her other games which is basically just a very, very simple one.
C: How Do You Do It?
S: Yeah yeah I’ve played How Do You Do It, that was fun.
X: That’s funny actually, because, when we were playing it, I was like, “let’s make a game, this is like…I’ll play this game! I’ll play this game forever. Like. Give me a nipple-grabbing game.” Uhm…yay!
C: Yay!
S: Woo.
X: Thanks Nina…sorry we were so critical of your game.
[Laughter]
C: Yeah, uhhh, thankyou Sian, for doing this, and also thankyou Xanthea, for doing this.
S: I’ll see you when you get up to ‘E’ for Emily is Away.
X: I’m a sound person!
[Podcast theme plays]
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annakie · 6 years
Text
I made it, and now there's no turning back
Hey, so, this is about to be a very long, spammy post about Critical Role season 1.  This is mostly for my own memory, so in the future when I want to revisit watching the show, I'll have my own log, of sorts.  It's really long.  And a lot of it is my chatlogs about the show with @janiemcpants , posted with her permission.   So if you hate reading other people's chatlogs, this may not be the post for you.
But if you wanna read a lot of words about a show where some nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons, this may be the post for you.
Also, for unknown reasons, I’ve had Jimmy Eat World’s song “Cut” stuck in my head the last couple of days, and it’s basically all I’ve listened to today.  The words don’t really fit my emotions, but the overall feeling the song gives me does.  So that’s where my head is.  
I said some of this an a post I made a few weeks ago, but I’m saying it again now.  Ever since I heard of it, I was pretty sure I’d love Critical Role if I could get into it.  And so for two years I meant to catch up.  
I’ve played Dungeons and Dragons since the late 90′s, second edition, and have been in epic campaigns of my own before where I fell in love with not only my character but our entire party.  I love this party just as much as I’ve loved Annotea, Sekhar, Ike, Ta’Rik, Annwyl, Krivken, Liek, Colin, E’a and Rhyz.
I have looked for a post I made like a year and a half ago asking for help figuring out how to get into Critical Role on my blog a few times but either I tagged it badly or deleted it.  I don't know.  I remember some people said to start at episode 19. Some people said to use it as background sound when cleaning / cooking / driving etc.  I knew I didn't want to start midway through the part of the story we had, I was disappointed to learn they were already 8th level and we'd missed like two years of story before the show.
I have a post from June 2016 saying I'd made it an hour into the first episode, but I think I finished that ep, or got close, and didn't pick it back up for like, another year.  I think it was like mid-summer last year when I made my second push to get into it.  
I made it through like eight episodes, and I remember having episode 8 up in a web browser for weeks or a couple of months and things were just so crazy with everything happening with work at the end of the year.  And I only watched it as background noise at work.  I'd frequently realize I had no idea what was going on, and through like the first 30 or 40 episodes I'd find some kind of recap to read at the end of the episode to make sure I didn't miss anything important.
Here's some negativity, so skip it if you'd like: It took me a very long time to get through like episode 10 to 27 because long before I learned all the things that happened since he left, I couldn't stand Orion.  I've looked into it a bit and basically for all the normal reasons people didn't like him.  I respect that some people did, but being honest here, if he'd have stayed on the show, I probably would have stopped watching.  Around episode 20 I learned that he'd leave soon, and dragged myself through the rest of the episodes until he was gone.  And then, it was much easier to get into.
The first half of this year my job went from crazy drama to just plain boring.  I really didn't have much to do, and everyone knew I was just biding time until it was time to go.  So I'd watch like half the day sometimes, often while doing what work I did have to do.  But often that work was like, wiping laptops or organizing keys or just... busywork.  But CR made the days pass quicker, and it was enjoyable.
The Feels apparently really started on 3/09 when I sent this to JanieMcPants: Grog winning his second solo battle with the orc JUST BARELY thanks to Scanlan's sneaky inspiration is my new favorite moment in the show.
This would begin a very long chatlog of me just yelling feelings at her.  After this, my current comments are italicized. 
---------- 03/10/2018 janiemcpants: That whole episode is SPECTACULAR Did you finish it? I don't want to spoil anything if not!
annakie: I did, I got to the part in the next episode where Percy finally confessed a bit of what is going on with his life since they're back home and have been invited to some feast.  Still pretty early on in that ep, work got crazy yesterday. :)
---------- 03/23/2018 annakie: Man, I'm on ep 26 now (I watch in bits and bursts as I have time at work, it's real slow going) and I have to say, (I deleted some negativity about Orion here).  EVERYTHING ELSE IS GREAT though. I'm really enjoying everyone else and their characters.  The episode with the dinner at the Briarwood's was AMAZING especially and I'm so worried about Percy.  I was almost in tears as Liam was talking about him thinking about Keyleth and Vex when Vax was going unconscious and thought he was going to die.  That was so, so good.
BTW did I just miss it all this time that Vax has a thing for Keyleth?  Like I didn't notice it at all until that moment he was going unconscious and now it's obvious.
janiemcpants: Vax’s last thoughts about Vex and Keyleth KILLED. ME. That was also the first time I realized he was into Keyleth, and I think it was the first time any of the others realized it, judging by their faces. Liam did say later that he already was aware of it when the show started, and he dropped a few hints before he outright said it. I’m listening to the podcast right now from the beginning and there are some little things there that you can pick up if you’re looking for them, but nothing that would have given it away, I don’t think. So it was a fun surprise for everybody. (Vax and Keyleth are one of my favorite pairings on the show. I just love them.) This arc is THE BEST and so intense. So much suffering, but also so much goodness!
(We chatted more for awhile about Percy, and the cow episode (Very fun!) )
---------- 04/12/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SO MUCH IS HAPPENING CASSANDRA IS ALIVE AND VAX IS KISSING KEYLETH. This is so good.  SO GOOD.
janiemcpants: I didn't see that kiss coming AT ALL It was SUCH A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE And Percy gets one sibling back, MY HEART
---------- 05/02/2018 annakie: I've been studying a lot and haven't had a lot of time for CritRole but I watched some today like the END OF THE BRIARWOODS HECK YEAH and Cassandra is good again, and then VAX TRYING TO HOLD KEYLETH'S HAND ON THE TREE and she didn't know how to respond she's so awkward and unsure and needs time to figure it out. I was sitting there just staring at the screen instead of working for like 20 minutes during that part haha. 
And I watched the winter fair episode with Trinket winning the pie eating contest and Grog losing arm wrestling to Trish the Dish and that was GREAT.  I stopped like right after Matt had Tiberius leave the party for good.  It was a very good day of very awesome CritRole at work. :)
janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax just KILL ME. It's such a slow burn until suddenly STUFF HAPPENS and then it slows down again and pulls at my heartstrings the entire time.
---------- 05/17/2018 annakie: "I don't want to be alone tonight."
"I haven't wanted to be alone most nights..."  And I let him in. THE SHIP HAS SAILED.  YAY!! :D
annakie: Haha aww Marisha switched seats so she could be closer to Liam, that's sweet.
lol of COURSE the VERY NEXT DAY they see Kashaw again. And Will sits on the other side of Marisha... that's great.
janiemcpants Yay!!! They’re the slowest of slow burns but it’s so worth it. Liam and Marisha manage to be adorable even when they’re seated far away from each other. And yay to Kashaw coming back! I had mixed feelings about him at first, because the second Trial of the Take group had a blend of personalities that was tough to work with, and he got lost in the sea of grouchiness. But he ended up being great and every time he comes back I love him more.
(I'd grow to feel the same way about Kashaw.)
---------- 05/29/2018 annakie: Episode 44 - Oh my gosh, there was a beholder fight AND NOW VEX IS DEAD WHAT IS HAPPENING? And yeah, I think Kashaw is definitely more stand-out-y here, I'm really enjoying his character here. :)
annakie Keyleth: "Why did you do that?  Kashaw: "Because I knew you wanted me to."  D'awwww....
janiemcpants: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Vex’s death there kills me extra because it comes AFTER they win the fight! Everything is supposed to be okay, and then NOPE. THANK GOODNESS Kash was there. They're so lucky he happened to be their guest that night!
I mean, they probably could have come up with another way to save her, but being able to do it right away was a relief. And it was a great character moment for him
--------- 6/15/2018 I made this post, and I was at episode 49.
----------
A lot happened, and I didn't yell about it much of anywhere. I don't know how I let 20 episodes go by without reacting much to them, especially when SO MUCH HAPPENED in there. Right about when the Chroma Conclave hit, I knew I was sucked in, completely.  
But in a month and a half I made it through 14 episodes.  Near the end of July, things started happening very quickly.  
---------- 07/27/2018 annakie: I'm on episode 63 now and I just realized today I'm JUST BARELY over halfway through this campaign. Which makes me both happy and not, haha.
Woah Tiberius.  This actually sad. :(
That was really rough and I cried a little.
janiemcpants: TIBS That was so sad All of it was, but "I encourage peace" really got me And when I rewatched it and realize that's what Percy's DM whisper was about, and you can see it on his face and then he has to sit on it for like 20 minutes AUGH
07/28/2018 annakie: Oh man I'm going to have to go back and watch that again.  I was touched at how sad EVERYONE was.   And yeah, the burial part and "I encourage peace" got me too.  It's always sad to lose a friend, but also Tibs defending Draconia was really the perfect ending for his character.
I started ep 65 and YAY. FINALLY.  KEYLETH AND VAX.  FOR REALS. I have LOVED the slow-burn of the last 40 episodes but I'm glad they're moving into an actual relationship now.
I got spoiled about Vex and Percy just the other day (No one's fault, someone I follow on twitter liked a tweet, which twitter OH SO HELPFULLY put on my timeline.  So, it's twitter's fault.)   There have already been some hints that it's coming with Vex's titling and all, but I'm looking forward to it.
(Getting spoiled accidentally about that was my "OK TIME TO CLAMP DOWN ON SPOILERS!!" wakeup call -- especially since that Really Big Thing happened in Campaign 2 right about then and despite trying real hard to not be spoiled I know all about it.)
And Scanlan, what character growth with his speech to Pike a couple of episodes ago, apologizing for the proposal and realizing he was more in love with the idea of Pike, even though he does really love her, so proud of that boy.  And the note he gave Pike awhile ago for if he dies AND SHE READ IMMEDIATELY.  That was like the first real sign she's given.  The only thing that's bothered me about Scanlan, (who is probably my favorite, though I love THEM ALL) is that he was nice-guying / trying to wear Pike down this whole time, albeit in a charming way, and now he gets that, so YAY!
---------- 07/28/2018 annakie Watching 65, and having Matt torture Marisha by having Kashaw ask Keyleth out the night after she finally gets together with Vax is masterful.  Haha
Awww Gilmore's parents, so sweet.  And then Sam "Well, they're both over 70, so who's going to kill them?" buhahahahaha
07/29/2018 annakie: Oh my God, episode 68.  I'm bawling.  I obviously know Percy will be back but this was really, really, really rough.  Taliesin took it better than anyone.  Matt seemed just as devastated as everyone else.  Marisha's crying made me cry. 
That ending, with everyone gathering around Ripley and each doing their own killing blow for Percy.... it was so, so, SO GOOD.
I hope the internet wasn't too hard on Matt that week.
(I really did bawl about Percy's death.  That's when the show went from “I love this” to "This is masterful.  This is amazing. This might be elevated to rank of "FAVORITE THINGS!" 
This is also when I started watching at home -- because I had to know what was going to happen.  And because I realized that this show will MAKE ME CRY and I can't cry at work.  I also started watching on the weekends, basically as much as I could, every night, all Saturday and Sunday when possible.)
janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax took a while, but I think they played out perfectly in the end :) I’m so happy the way the official couples turned out, because they’re all so different and so great in their own way. Truly something for everyone! (Vax and Keyleth are my favorites, but I don’t think I have ANY NoTPs, which is awesome.) When I first started the show, I thought I was going to HATE Scanlan, specifically because of the nice-guy thing. But then that sort of started to taper off and he won me over anyway, and I was so happy that he actually realized what was going on and apologized for it. Especially since I love their relationship, as she’s more or less the group’s moral compass, but he’s also basically the group dad--the one who keeps the to-do list and helps everyone keep their shit together (even if it’s not in the most conventional way). Thank goodness he finally realized it was more important to keep her as a friend than to keep trying for romance and probably eventually lose her by being a shithead.
68/69 are two of my favorite episodes, and two of the very hardest to watch Rough, but really emotionally and narratively satisfying
---------
7/21/2018
I made this post,  My first big feelings post.
---------------
08/03/2018 annakie: I JUST FINISHED 78.  SO MANY FEELINGS!  VEX ANSWERING THE DOOR NAKED.  THE WHOLE PLANNING.  GILMORE IS WITH THEM!  AND OH MY GOD KASH AND ZARAH PLS DON'T DIE BUT IF YOU DO SACRIFICING YOURSELF LIKE THIS IS AMAZING, I LOVE YOU. Also I'm now watching Talks Machina too so each episode is an hour longer!
08/05/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SCANLAN.  THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN PERCY. I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET WORSE I AM BAWLING AT PIKE'S POEM OH THANK GOD SHE ROLLED A NATURAL 20
Liam breaking during Pike's poem double killed me
I'm also so glad Ashley could be here for this one. I wish Sam was.
Also I'm SO GLAD Keyleth was so amazing last episode, both the feeblemind (totally, 100% saving this fight) and spotting Kima and Allora in the ocean.  Just MVP'd the hell out of that ep.
janiemcpants: OH MAN that feeblemind!!! And I’m so glad it was Keyleth who landed such a huge blow on Raishan. And spotting Kima and Allura was such a HUGE RELIEF. What an emotional rollercoaster that episode was. I’m convinced the dice themselves have a sense of drama. That’s the only way to explain some of the narratively amazing 1s and 20s we’ve gotten
annakie: Oh my God, I know.  Just absolutely insane.  THAT NAT 20 MERCER ROLLED FOR THE FINAL RESURRECTION ROLL OMG
I didn't stop for Talks Machina between those eps.  I couldn't, I had to see what happened.  I'm so glad this entire ep was so laid back after the resurrection. 
This show... I'm so, so mad I wasn't into it from the beginning.  On the other hand, having to wait a week between THOSE EPISODES would have been the worst.
janiemcpants: IT WAS It's so good that they generally have breather episodes once something huge is over with, because I don't think I could handle the tension otherwise
---------- 08/06/2018 annakie: WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. I had to stop watching at work
Because I started crying a little and then Percy gave his speech and I almost lost it haha That's where I am right now, raced home from lunch to watch the rest of this where I could cry
janiemcpants: Are you on episode 85? That one really hit like a slap in the face
annakie: Yep!
janiemcpants: That's the only one I think I won't be able to watch again
(I made this post.)
annakie: He's gone now, they're awake the next morning. Like I knew he was leaving but I thought it wouldn't be THIS TERRIBLE.  I thought it’d be like “Hey guys I’m taking some time off, love you, bye!” but nooooo.
janiemcpants: And it really felt like it came out of nowhere!
annakie: But also props to Sam because that was such a good representation of depression.
Like I really understood where it was coming from but yeah you really didn't expect THAT.
janiemcpants: Yeah, he's definitely not afraid to take risks and let his character be imperfect, and he had some good points and some not so good points in a very realistic way But BOY was that hard to watch
annakie: Yeah exactly.  Like, yelling that nobody cares about him.... that they don't love him.... I have felt that way about people who I absolutely knew loved me and that just shook me.  It was just... so... real.  And the way everyone reacted.  Man I just wish Ashley had been there.
I already know Sam plays someone else for awhile and eventually, Scanlan comes back but man... again... so glad I don't have to wait to KNOW THAT.
janiemcpants: You're lucky you know that! I totally thought he was gone for good Are you at the end of the episode, or still going?
annakie: Still going, they're at Whitestone still the next morning deciding what to do next.  Keyleth just scryed on Scanlan and Kaylee.
Grog: "I know you on a more intimiate level."  Vex: "Because you saw my titties."  Grog: Basically, yeah.
Real question: Can I watch the rest of this episode and maybe next without crying, so I can finish it at work, or should I not?  Gotta head back in a few minutes
Oh heeey it's already Sam's new character. :)
janiemcpants You can probably finish it up Since you met Sam's new character and he's pretty good And the next one has a lot of funny stuff in it
---------- 08/07/2018 annakie Episode 88:  The Kraken Fight.  FIVE AND A HALF HOURS (more like five after the break BUT STILL.)  I feel like I was watching this episode for a week.
janiemcpants That was intense! Them not being able to kill the kraken really added some stress to the fight Although they might not have been able to anyway
08/08/2018 annakie Yeah!  That added a whole crazy layer onto it!  I was pretty sure there would be more deaths than just Vax.  Not that him dying wasn't bad, but you know.  I think I'm becoming desensitized to the deaths because I didn't cry during his resurrection.  Also, poor Ashley, it feels like every time she's there lately it's to resurrect someone.
Finished Ep 90 this afternoon, Keyleth's Aramente ceremony was really good. :)
Also Grog and Tary potion shopping, I laughed so hard at work and had to keep it quiet, I'm sure my coworkers think I'm a maniac.
Ep 91 - Vox Machina Go To Hell... sounds amazing.  Just starting.
janiemcpants: Grog and Tary shopping was a total trash fire and it was so great And Vox Machina Go to Hell was such a good title! And a good episode!
---------- 08/11/2018
annakie: Ep 95!  Past the time skip!  The last two have been SO MUCH FUN and just what we needed after all the sadness and tension!  And YAY ASHLEY IS HERE FOR AWHILE.  SHE'S GETTING A STORYLINE!  Also I love Tary so much now, that character growth! :D  But I only have 20 episodes left noooooo
(later that night)...I should probably be doing other things with my life other than watching CR + Talks Machina but I'm already on 98.  Clearly Tary is leaving soon, it's neat to meet his family and all, though.  I'm gonna miss him.  I thought Tary would just be like... a filler character. But he's so great.  So.   Great.
---------- 08/12/2018
annakie: OH GOD IT'S SCANLAN HE'S BACK I'M DYING (also I'm real sad Tary is leaving soon, the conflict of emotions!).  I JUST got to the part where Vex runs up and hugs him and they go to break I'M CRYING.
annakie: EVERYTHING HURTS but Jon Heder's character is hilarious
janiemcpants: Oh no, goodbye Tary! Tary was a cross between Gilderoy Lockhart and a J Peterman catalog and I absolutely adored him, but it’s so good to have Scanlan back I wasn’t sure what to expect from Jon Heder, because I’d only seen him in Napoleon Dynamite and didn’t like it, but he was so great in this
annakie: Oh man I missed him so much.  He's having to apologize SO MUCH.  Poor Sam, haha.  The Talks Machina with him, Ashley and Laura was great, though and Laura saying Travis was too emotional to go on the show was so.... awwww.  I'm into ep 100 now  Yay the new look!  AND LADY BRIARWOOD IS BACK WHAT THE WHAAAT.  And Poor, poor Sam having to play three characters, though, he did this to himself. :D
--------- 8/13/2018 annakie (about the first Vecna fight): That shoulda just been called "Vox Machina gets their asses kicked." Vaaaaax
Scanlan MVP'd the hell out of that fight though No time for Talks Machina, I'll do that at work tomorrow, RIGHT ON TO 103!
janiemcpants: Episode 102 was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER Thank goodness Scanlan came back when he did!
Although I did enjoy everyone guilt tripping Sam for making him leave
And then THE ENDING
annakie: GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL OF THIS.  I NEED TO PAUSE TIME SO I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP AND CAN JUST WATCH CR STRAIGHT THROUGH FOREVER UNTIL IT'S OVER. These are disaster children and they are terrible I love them.
(I made this post.)
janiemcpants: I had to laugh at your last post because that's exactly what it's like! There's SO MUCH in each episode it's almost impossible to post about it. TOO MANY FEELINGS
And not enough time!
I think this last arc has really good flow to it You can feel the urgency, but it still gives things the time they deserve
annakie: It really is!  Like you know if I had a week between episodes than it'd be way easier to sort but I can't take any time I have to watch as much as I can now. I'm at the part where they're trying to sort out why Vax is back and I WANT TO DIE.
janiemcpants: WASN'T THAT A CURVEBALL I was expecting a tense, elaborate ritual like the others got, and they were planning for it, but nope! We're skipping that part
annakie: I read something like a tweet or untagged post MONTHS ago about Scanlan not being able to save Vax.  So when he got disintegrated I was like "Oh this is that that meant." and now I'm like "OH SHIT NO IT WASN'T, WAS IT?!"  I'm scared.
(Oh, you sweet summer child, you have no idea what you’re in for.)
janiemcpants I just love how Vax getting disintegrated totally changed the context of everything that happens, but not in the way anyone expected Matt's mind is truly a place of wonder
annakie: Also Yay Grog just asked Scanlan to hang out with him in Vasselheim :3 Nothing like a terrifying near-death experience to spread some forgiveness.
TRAVIS + SAM IS THE BEST, WHETHER IT'S SCANLAN OR TARY.
--------- 8/14/2018 annakie Me today: OK my boss asked me to go to this important meeting and take notes I need to concentrate.
What I actually thought about : SERENRAE GAVE PIKE A SPECIAL BLESSING AND LOVES HER SO MUCH AND ALSO TOLD SCANLAN SHE HEARS HIS PRAYERS AND HE IS A TRUE BELIEVER, HE HAS A HOLY SYMBOL AND FOUND HIS WAY TO THE TOWER HIMSELF WE ARE SO BLESSED. REMEMBER SAM AND ASHLEY'S FACES THROUGH ALL OF THAT IT WAS PERFECT.
Also Scanlans face when. Grog mentioned that he was looking for Scanlan, the moment passed so fast but I cried.
(later that night) annakie: I'm so mad I have to run my own game tonight so all I'm gonna have time to watch is to the end of 104 Glad I prepped my game a week or two ago though
janiemcpants: THEIR MEETING WITH SERENRAE, I WEEP It’s just so good to see both a character who’s been so devoted but struggled with it at the same time, and a character who had to develop so much to get there, actually be seen and acknowledged by their god
annakie: I REWATCHED IT WHEN I GOT HOME
janiemcpants: What a great moment for both of them
annakie: SO amazing, I loved it so much.
janiemcpants: Also, I love how it doesn’t even matter how the group splits up, any combination of them is going to be interesting and fun (But especially Sam and Travis because of their shared delight in chaos)
annakie: I'm RIGHT NOW at the part where everyone is talking about Vex to Pelor and OH SHIT SHE AND PERCY ARE BETHROTHED THAT'S THE SECRET YES that's so true every pair is amazing
Also once again Scanlan MVPs this, with his polymorph on Vex
janiemcpants: It's truly astounding how many times Scanlan single-handedly saves their bacon
annakie: Yeah as much as I loved Tary like... they really NEEDED Scanlan.
janiemcpants: They really did I wish they could have both!
annakie: When I rewatched the Serenrae meeting I watched Ashley's face and every time Scanlan did something positive like made it to the tower or Serenrae acknowledged Scanlan as a true believer Ash's face was just amazing. She's so pleased at Scanlan :3
janiemcpants: Ashley's just so good
annakie: I KNOW, ME TOO.  I peeked and saw that we don't see Tary again and I'm sad!  I hope he gets an epilogue!
Also I NEED VOX MACHINA PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW GREAT SCANLAN IS BEING HERE.
Last Tuesday at 11:24 PM *screaming into the void* http://blog.annakie.com/post/177011924723/critical-role-stuff-spoilers-up-to-ep
--------- 8/15/2018
janiemcpants Everything you said is SO TRUE And I still just can't believe how Sam took what was meant to be a joke* and turned him into this incredible three-dimensional person who never fails to surprise me. Will he turn into a dinosaur and destroy a building? Will he sing at the giant monster instead of fleeing like everyone else? Will he melt my heart with beautiful words about friendship? Will he devastate my emotions when he stops covering up his pain? Will he make a dick joke? We never know! And he's grown so much! *(Apologies if you already knew this, but when they were getting ready for the original one-shot home game that started all this, Sam had never played before, and Liam helped him pick out his character. Sam said he wanted to be the worst, and asked what the worst character would be, and Liam came up with gnome bard. And here we are. That was all captured on the podcast they sporadically do together and it's pretty funny.)
annakie Hilariously, I just found that out about Liam helping create Scanlan an hour ago.  On the episode of Talks I was watching at work Sam kept mentioning his Reddit AMA and so I googled it and read it, literally an hour ago.  So if I would have seen this earlier, it would have been new information! And YES SO MUCH I AGREE.
Like I love them ALL so much but I mean... Scanlan.  Fucking Scanlan.  Fave.  Sorry.
(Later) annakie Darin DePaul is hilarious lol I was like "Uh who is this?" when he showed up but he keeps making me laugh.  I'm still in the initial fight right after they find Sprigg
janiemcpants Fun fact: Darin de Paul played D&D thirty something years ago with Matt's mom, and Sprigg is the character he played back then I think that old session ended with Sprigg disappearing or something, so this is the continuation of his story, set thirty-whatever years later He’s really terrific, though! I only knew him from Overwatch, but I get such a kick out of him here
annakie OMG, that's awesome!  Thank you for that fun fact!  I was wondering if he ever played before, he seemed to get it pretty quick with only a little help from Sam. He's saying goodbye now, aww, such a good end for a fun character!
annakie Oh good, Ioun told Scanlan how awesome and important he is to VM and Kaylee and in general, I feel better now. I'm a little sad that I guess Ioun is his god now I guess and not Serenrae but it also seems fitting.
8/16/2018 janiemcpants Yeah, I was surprised by that, but in the end I think I'm glad he got his own god who appreciates him, rather than being wrapped up in Pike's story Not that Serenrae didn't appreciate him, but I like that he got something of his own
annakie That is so true!!  Like Serenrae gave him comfort when he needed it, and accepted him, but he prayed to her because it's what he knew because of Pike, but I think he didn't do it FOR Pike. But it turns out Scanlan wasn't destined for Serenrae.
Also I meant to mention awhile ago that I really loved Percy holding everything together after Vax died and they were in the Feywild.  He really stepped up and kept everything from falling apart and I was really proud of him.
Scanlan being constantly dismissive of them talking about Tary is hilarious.  "Scanlan can you scry on Tary?"  "Who? Oh... you mean that fancy fellow?" haha
(Later) annakie Oh yay I'm glad they sent word to Tary that everyone is OK.
janiemcpants Yes!! I was so concerned about poor Tary. The necklace is a good idea in theory, but in reality all it does is tell him something is wrong, but he doesn't know what or how he can help What an anxiety-inducing item!
Also yes to Percy! His growth is really inspiring to me on a personal level (all of theirs are in different ways, but he's the most relatable to me personally) I love how, since they're all so different and grow in different ways, there's a good story there for everyone
--------- 8/17/2018 9:07 PM annakie Just finished the ep where they forge the trammels.  Starting to close in on the endgame :o
annakie OH MY GOD... hahaha using the love potion TARY gave Vax to prank SCANLAN, this is amazing, I love it so much.
I CAN'T BREATHE
Last Saturday at 1:15 AM Hi it's 1:14am and I'm still awake because I had to finish this live episode.
--------- 8/18/2018 annakie: In the middle of 112 now, and I have to stop watching to go to my Pathfinder game.... nooo... one of the few times I'm unhappy about going to gaming. :) I think I'm going to be able to finish tomorrow if I just power through and don't stop for Talks.
---------
(And here we go, into the endgame.  I woke up, turned on Critical Role, and knew I'd finish the campaign that day.  In addition to the gifs and posts I made: http://blog.annakie.com/tagged/episode+114, here's the rest of that experience.  I’m not going to link the individual gif posts.)
8/19/2018 12:53 AM annakie: THE STRANGLING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
This entire episode is like the most fucked up episode lol
9:21 AM BRIARWOOD FIGHT WITH Joe Manganiello!!!  I'M SO SCARED.
11:58 AM OH MY GOD KAYLEE AND CASSANDRA AND SHAUN THANK GOD THEY STOPPED AND FIXED IT OH MY GOD I'M CRYING
3:17 PM I'm liveblogging.  AND DYING.  ZARAH AND KASH OH THANK SERENRAE!!!
janiemcpants: I was out of town for the weekend and just got home, and I can't believe how fast you're going! Although once you hit a certain point you can't help but tumble unstoppably towards the end, because it's all going so off the rails at once I WAS SO WORRIED FOR KASH AND ZAHRA
annakie: I STILL AM
janiemcpants: And having Cassandra and Gilmore and Kaylee as death knights was a particularly cruel stroke of genius on Matt's part
annakie: Arkhan just got back though, so that's good I guess haha
SO CRUEL
janiemcpants: CAN YOU IMAGINE, if they hadn't left one alive, they might not even have taken their helmets off and they never would have known
annakie: GOD I KNOW I KNOW... That would have just been.... oh man I can't even imagine And thank God Matt let them revivify even though it could have been more than a minute
annakie: There's so much happening I can barely breathe I feel like I've been watching this episode for ten hours already All I've watched is 113 and this today.
janiemcpants: It's probably even better watching it all together like you're doing, because a whole lot of interesting things happen in a not-that-long amount of time There's so much!
annakie: Yeah... I mean TBH for the last month I've just lived this show, I haven't watched any TV shows.  It's been so great to just really LIVE IN IT and there's so much of it especially after taking a year to get to this point.
annakie: Well, it was around the point of Percy dying the really sad time to get to "OK I can't stop watching", that's when I started watching at home and not just at work.  And then I stopped watching at work much after Scanlan left because I was too invested to only sorta pay attention. Yeaaaaah Grog just kicked ass.
janiemcpants: Percy dying was right when I started watching live! I was trying to catch up on the old stuff before I started doing it live, but when I heard that happened I just COULDN’T stay away. What a hell of a pair of episodes those were.
annakie: OH WOW that's awesome!  How many episodes did you skip to get to that point? haha OH ALSO PIKE TELLING SCANLAN HE HAS TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTER.  MY HEART. I was a little worried because since she was back she'd hardly interacted with him, except for that butt-slap a few episodes ago and then this conversation happened and I DIED.  (And then Sam joked it was Scanlan2 and I refuse to believe that it wasn't actually real Scanlan, they're dressed different, she would have known.)
(Also in the Vecna fight Real Scanlan had to use the Death Ward Pike put on him so yeah, she said it to Real Scanlan.)
Oh also I found online where Sam posted the letter Scanlan wrote to Pike and OH MAN, TEARS.
janiemcpants: RIGHT?? At the beginning I never thought I'd be invested in Scanlan and Pike's relationship, just because of the nice-guy stuff, but it got really, really good as it went on I still had about 15 episodes or so to go when I started watching it live, so I missed a little bit of context, but it was worth it That letter was so good
annakie: Oh man we just almost lost Vex and the looks on Liam, Travis AND Taliesin's faces all killed me. I can't wait to start watching live, still probably going to be a month or so.
annakie: OH NO THE JENKY TRAMEL.
annakie: PIKE BLEW SCANLAN A KISS!!
annakie: I can't believe I still have an hour to go (probably 45 minutes of game time) and Scanlan and Grog just got banished.  Also I know something bad happens to Grog so I'm just waiting for that.  Maybe he never comes back from banishment!??!
annakie: Hahaha Scanlan dispelled Vecna's teleport and MATT'S FACE. Oh no, he's saying sorry to Liam This is why... “I was going to save Vax.” OH MY GOD  Sam is crying And Liam is crying
janiemcpants: That moment is where I cried the hardest in all of 114 Especially because they called each other Sam and Liam instead of Scanlan and Vax IT'S SO PAINFUL
annakie: THIS HURTS SO MUCH, I’M BAWLING. Most of the table doesn't even see what's going on Like they're having this private moment while the game keeps going.
annakie: Oh God that Nat20 for Scanlan to counterspell dominate person on Keyleth. Could you imagine this fight with Tary instead of Scanlan?  It'd have been over in round 2
annakie: lol I watched Jocks Machina on the D&D twitch channel awhile ago so I knew Arkhan was going to betray them, that's amazing how he did it. Also, so great that Keyleth was able to finish the ritual
annakie: Oh no Sam and Liam are crying at the end this is the worst
annakie: Annnd here we go.  115.
janiemcpants: GOOD LUCK
annakie: I'm really going to miss this credit sequence, I love it so much I always watch it every episode. I've seen the new one and it's cute but I love this one.
janiemcpants I miss it too! It's so good
annakie: I get why they did a more generic "look at us playing D&D" instead of character intro credits but this one is amazing I mean especially after what happened to Taliesin's character in season 2.
annakie: Yay Kash and Zahra :D I'm so glad they got a goodbye. :)  That was a great sendoff!
janiemcpants: It was so good! Even with Liam wreaking emotional havoc
annakie: vax is saying goobye and I'm bawling
even matt is crying, i can't
(I made this post.)
janiemcpants: I cried through that ENTIRE EPISODE
annakie: I'm taking a crying break to watch the fanart Glad Ashley made it just in time for that moment
Oh man this great series of fanart with the quote where Sam asking what's the worst character, and Liam saying gnome bard, and the art is all showing how Scanlan saved the party, that was amazing
annakie: Oh my God Liam isn't even at the table anymore THIS IS SO SAD
janiemcpants: That art sounds fantastic! Must try to hunt it down Oh no, I can't cope when they leave the table
annakie: "We'll fill in each other's gaps, we'll be the glue." THANKS LAURA NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE VEX/PERCY SO MUCH.
That even broke Taliesin a little
There's a part of me right now that's still screaming "GO FIND GILMORE AND CASSANDRA AND KAYLEE!"
janiemcpants: I know!!! There's so much they should be doing, all at the same time! HOW IS EVERYBODY??
annakie: Percy just mentioned cassandra, maybe they'll remember lol
NOPE, off to a bar!
Yay Kima's there!
Oh ok good they're in whitestone whew
annakie: GROG NO DON'T PULL CARDS
Oh man Kaylee and Scanlan's conversation, I'm crying again.
janiemcpants: Grog pulling the card was so goddamn funny Especially in the midst of so much sadness
annakie: Oh my God he just pulled the card in whitestone
omgomgomg
AND ASHLEY'S INTERNET DROPS
Annnnnnnnnnnnd this is why they have to go rescue Grog omg omg omg
annakie: Aw, I was almost hoping they'd actually do one last adventure but that was funny.
janiemcpants: Yeah, I really wish we could have seen the rescue, but they were clearly planning on this being the last episode, and it would have thrown everything off But it was worth it
annakie: ASHLEY’S FUCKING INTERNET DIES RIGHT AS SHE'S ABOUT TO ASK SCANLAN ON A DATE I AM SCREAMING I'M SO MAD
Scanlan and Pike’s conversation was everything I always wanted THEN HER INTERNET DIES
annakie OK Scanlan's epilogue was awesome :3 “I will do literally whatever Pike wants to do.”
And YAY we get to hear about Tary!
YAY LAWRENCE!
janiemcpants: I'm so glad Lawrence wasn't dead! I was totally convinced Tary's dad had him whacked
annakie: Oh God Pike’s marriage proposal and one last grog & scanlan conversation I love it so much I'm crying again
I've known they ended up married for a long time but that was great. :3
janiemcpants: I just love that they both planned to ask each other out in their epilogues!
annakie I KNOW, so great :D
I'm really glad that Scanlan let Pike lead, that was amazing.
janiemcpants: Yes! That brought it from great to perfect
annakie: And he just wanted to follow where she went and helped out.  And they have a home, and Grog with them, and are a perfect weird family! :D
They're my favorite ship, though I love all three very much.
janiemcpants: And Grog gets to stay with his gnomes forever! And he's not left alone even though he didn't end up with a romantic relationship!
annakie: YES!
I love Percy and Vax being so Percy and Vax in their epilogue.  Kids with lots of names!  Tinkering!
janiemcpants: The part about Percy making clocks made me weep BUCKETS
annakie: Percy finding redemption helping Cassandra omg
YES
"Make a clock tower, make art and never make another weapon. I'm good." :D
annakie: Aww Grog taking punishment from Vasselheim
Hahaha the potion guy being the tutor ohhhhh my God this is amazing.
This guy never even got a name did he and yet he's brought so much joy
janiemcpants: I don't think he ever did!
annakie: Marisha is making Liam cry this is so sad
janiemcpants: EVERYONE CRIES SO MUCH AND THAT MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE
annakie: "And every day that Raven comes to visit."
I'm dead.
Oh my God Matt and Marisha get married THE NEXT WEEK!?
janiemcpants:
YEP!
annakie: Well I'm completely emotionally drained.
(We said a bit more here, but it was personal.)
11:28pm:  I made this post. ) -----------------
I couldn't do much yesterday but think about this fucking show.  I'm catching up on the Talks Machinas I missed from like 108 through 115, I think I'm on 111 now?  I also watched Matt Colville's recap of the episode and why it's so great.  I'd been looking forward to watching that since he made it, since I watch most of what he puts out it's been sitting in my suggested videos like for almost every episode I watched.  That was perfect, as well.
I removed some talk about this in the chatlog Janie and I had but I'm going to take like this week off and catch up on the Specials & Oneshots I didn't watch before.  I need that cooling off period.  I'll probably power through season 2 after it's done and start watching live and wondering if It's Thursday Yet? within a couple of weeks from now.
I'm still sorting through feelings, too.  I'll probably have more to say.
But you know how there's a lot of media you like, and some that you love but only a few make it to that "Favorite things" level, the place where it turns into something that you love wholeheartedly and will remember forever and kinda wish you could erase from your brain so you could re-experience it for the first time again?
I have a few of those.  Futurama.  MST3K.  Parks and Recreation.  Psych.  Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  The entire Mass Effect trilogy.  Neverwinter Nights 2.  The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  U2's Songs of Experience album.  Sugar's Copper Blue album.  The Princess Bride.  All of Star Wars.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Star Trek: TNG and DS9.  The Good Place will end up here once it's done.  
And now Critical Role: Season One.  
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totty-chan · 6 years
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The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho
This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu
Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.
No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.
I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.
After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.
I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.
Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:
I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.
My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.
I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.
I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.
The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!
KEY FROM NOW ON:
Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)
[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.
BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold
I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.
Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:
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Commissions/Money
The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.
totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.
Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.
Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.
Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.
When I asked Chocho about this, she said:
[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]
Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:
Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~
Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month
Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3
Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3
Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3
Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission
Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:
Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~
Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.
Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?
Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.
[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]
(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)
From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.
Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.
Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:
If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.
I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:
Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month
Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious
(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)
I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.
Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:
Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."
Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars
Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B
Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people
[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)
To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]
Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year
I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.
Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:
She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.
I think it was the phone.
Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:
chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?
[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]
11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*
[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).
(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)
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It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]
Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.
Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing
Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing
I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.
Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:
Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).
Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me
This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:
Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art
[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]
Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans
Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.
chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money
Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*
Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.
An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).
Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop
Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.
The Plush
Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:
She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?
We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."
I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.
[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]
Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot
[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]
Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(
[The idea of the plush stuck around though]
Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about
Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC
There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.
[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]
Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah
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[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]
Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!
Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.
[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]
Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...
Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.
[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]
Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now
[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]
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Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)
[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]
It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.
The Fat/Slob-love situation
In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:
I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."
"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.
This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.
I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:
[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;
"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."
Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]
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For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:
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That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)
Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).
This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:
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It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.
[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]
Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.
Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!
Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it
[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]
Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs
Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are
Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.
There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.
Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*
Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter
Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!
Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????
Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>
[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]
Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date
["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]
Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*
[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]
Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh
Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.
[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]
Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros
[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]
Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat
[wait what]
What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.
Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight
Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too
Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people
Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD
[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]
I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.
Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"
[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]
In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:
Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.
Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:
Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*
[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]
I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.
Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:
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“Stop talking to other people”
Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:
It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.
Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:
totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.
But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.
[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]
Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.
Another claim from Fhujeth was this:
It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.
Chocho had this to say:
[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]
Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.
Chochomatsu = Domatsu
This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:
We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.
Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:
Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!
[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]
So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?
To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:
Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry
Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!
This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”
Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.
Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...
[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]
05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???
[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]
Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:
Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...
[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]
“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.
In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.
Fhujeth’s words:
totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.
I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.
I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!
This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.
The Pain Incident
Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.
First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:
Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"
When I brought this part up with Chocho...
[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]
Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.
Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...
Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing
Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!
Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.
Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.
Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(
Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(
Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful
Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain
Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(
Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!
Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top
Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well
Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty
Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!
Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.
[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]
Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure
Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3
Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...
Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up
What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.
Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;
[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]
[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]
The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.
This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...
[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.
Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]
Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv
This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.
Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:
I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.
Chocho gave me these...
Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3
Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK
Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?
Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3
Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends
[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]
So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.
And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.
Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:
Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"
Chocho gave more logs:
11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be
totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.
[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]
FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;
chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that
totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.
chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry
totally-totty I think we're both at fault.
TRUE ORDER;
chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry
totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.
totally-totty I think we're both at fault.
So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.
Additionally...
Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?
[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]
[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]
[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]
[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]
Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.
That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.
Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...
Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...
[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.
She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]
This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):
chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight
And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:
11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.
...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)
Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.
Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...
"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."
And...
“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."
What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.
And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.
Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)
Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.
I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.
It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.
I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.
Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.
Extras...
[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]
While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:
https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde
There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already
tfl;dr
I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.
tl;dr of the tfl;dr
Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.
Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.
https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath
Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.
Take care of yourselves.
Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...
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kilieit · 6 years
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i think im maybe about done brutalising my bard’s UI hahaha..........
now the only thing i manually have to adjust when switching is the chatlog size, yay!
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The Chats That Only Happened Cause /Someone/ Was Bored And Wanted To Do Chats
Set all after the last chat from https://fightevilandthengetblownup.tumblr.com/post/187458138693
Also all set post ‘mindwipe’ and post-Whispering being removed.
#1 - Anna decides she wants to Learn How To Hunt Again... Yeaaah... Also yeah, seemingly Anna just took it upon herself to /always/ show up once she knew where to find Jo >_>
<Anna> *Anna walks over to Jo’s house, there’s snow on the ground and she’s bundled up, walking as fast as she can because the wind coming of the lake is biting. She’s breathing hard by the time she gets to that end of town her, leg with the brace aches in the cold more than the other and she realizes just how out of shape she is as she stands on the door step, knocking loudly.*
<Jo> *Jo’d been moving in and out of the house frequently, not quite sure what to do or how to take the strange actions of the returned monster, so continuing to work on her own things in a day. Its while she’s inside warming up from the cold again that she hears the knocking, going to check the door and smiling at Anna when she sees her* “Hey, what are you doin’ here? I… come inside. Through to the kitchen?”
<Anna> *Anna smiles stepping inside glad that it’s warm and she wipes her feet at the front door before moving in the direction of the kitchen.* “Hello. I was wondering if you are busy right now?” *Anna holds up a case folder that she had tucked under her arm*
<Jo> *Jo looks between the file and Anna curiously as she shuts the door behind them, double checking that she couldn’t see Grey in the lounge or kitchen before shutting the door to the hall behind them as well* “I’m free if you’ve got something for me. Coffee?”
<Anna> *Anna nods at the offer of coffee.* “Well it’s more for you.” *She pauses as she moves to sit at the kitchen table, opening the file up and spreading the papers out.* “And me to work.”
<Jo> *Jo almost drops a coffee cup as Anna adds that she was looking to be part of it too. Turning the pot on and letting a new round start, she leans back against the counter raising an eyebrow at the redhead* “You want to work a case? Together?” *Letting out a laugh, Jo rubs the back of her neck before nodding* “Okay, hit me, what is it?”
<Anna> *Anna suddenly feels like she’s back presenting papers in college and she wonders if that’s an actual memory or a fake one but she clears her throat and she pushes the clippings of a fatal wreck a state over to Jo.*  "Early this summer, some kids went off a back roads, down a fairly steep hill. One was killed the others lived, ever since then around the same time of the month people have started to have wrecks on the same road and the people say that it’s a teenage boy that runs them off the road.“
<Jo> *The choice of case makes Jo raise an eyebrow, smiling to herself when she can’t help but think Anna’s picked something up much the same way she picked her own first case - though not sure how much the other remembered of her own crash* "So, you think its a haunting? I’ve heard cases like that before, sounds likely. …so what’d you want to do about it?”
<Anna> “Well here is where this one gets muddy. The boy was cremated after a close casket funeral, he was pretty torn up. And the car was towed off to a scrap yard. So either something is still on that hill or in the car.” *Anna shows Jo the obit from the paper and then the police report with the tow company listed.*
<Jo> “Definitely would be. Unless Mommy’s keeping baby hair and teeth.” *Jo nods her head, looking over the pages as she pours out their coffees and moves over to the table with the other, sliding a mug over* “Shouldn’t be too hard - find the car and torch it, sow some salt and start a controlled little fire. Should work to get it done.”
<Anna> “It’s snowing, not sure how well burning the hill is going to work and what if the car has already been scrapped out?” *Anna takes her coffee thanking Jo and pouring a healthy amount of sugar and creamer into it.*
<Jo> “Shovelling snow is a fair bit easier than digging a grave, lemme tell you that - though you’ve got a point.” *Jo sighs, scrubbing a hand over her face* “Then you figure out where the scrap bits went and cleanse them too. Talk to Mommy about if she has any of little Johnny’s things that he was really attached to..”
<Anna> “So when are we going to leave then?” *Anna nods and smiles at Jo, pleased that it seems she was right that it sounds like this wreck spawned a ghost and Jo had agreed with most of what she thought.*
<Jo> “Uh.. when did you want to? There haven’t been any deaths yet, but I’d put money on that just being from luck.” *Jo smiles back slightly as she takes a mouthful of her drink, mentally tallying up how much salt, kerosene and salt rounds she had on her already. She’d figure she had enough on hand if need be*
<Anna> “It’s not like I have anything pressing to do, so when you’re ready.  The next wreck should happen sometime tomorrow also.” *Anna is feeling more confident as she drinks the rest of her coffee, glad for the warm liquid.*
<Jo> “I’d just need to let Grey know, write a note or somethin’, then we can if you want.” *Shrugging a shoulder, Jo continues to look over the pages as though she might have missed something before jumping up to grab her own journal out of her bag near the back door to confer with it*
<Anna> “You and Grey are back together?” *She’s surprised and she smiles as leans back looking at Jo, as if expecting to get all the dirt.* “I guess we have a subject to talk about in the drive up.”
<Jo> “I… yeah, we’ll talk about it in the car.” *Jo flushes slightly, standing up as she spins her journal and one of her entries from an unusual ghost case around for Anna to look over before heading over to the fridge and the small note pad there* “Just need to grab the guns and some rounds from upstairs and we can go if you want to now. Drive isn’t very far, is it?”
<Anna> “Next state over, about six hours by the looks of the maps.” *Taking the journal she looks at the entry Jo hands her and she then starts flipping through the rest of it.* “Hopefully won’t take make than a day, it seems fairly simple.”
<Jo> “Yeah it shouldn’t be too long, home in the early hours of tomorrow at the latest.” *Jo tips her head back, finishing off the rest of her drink even as it burns, as she scribbles out a note saying where she’s gone and when she expects to be back before slapping it on the front of the fridge* “If you want to pack that stuff up and head outside, I’ll run up and get things, meet you out there, limpy?” *Jo teases slightly, washing out her mug*
<Anna> *Anna gives her a look as she calls her a name.* “Sure, wouldn’t want to strain the blond brain to make sure all the research is packed.” *She says as she folds up the journal and then starts to gathering up the papers, putting them all back in neat order into the folder.*
<Jo> *Letting out a laugh, Jo grabs a few cool soda cans out of the fridge and drops them into a small bag before opening the hall door and heading upstairs to get the few other items needed, actually thinking this could be a fun case - if only to see how the new Anna deals with things*
<Anna> *Standing up she goes the hall looking around, finding an empty pack and she puts the folder and the journal in it. She didn’t think there wouldn’t be any need for much other than salt and fire she zips it up and heads outside to wait at the car.*
<Jo> *It takes a few minutes for Jo to grab her shotgun and a spare for Anna, as well as the rounds she still had made up. Pausing, she grabs two knives as well fitted with iron blades before taking her coat off the back of her bedroom door and heading outside, unlocking the car and trunk to put the things away, settling into the drivers seat* “Ready for your second first hunt, Anna?”
<Anna> “If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have decided to do this again.” *Anna gets in the car and stretches out as much as she can, she’s more ready to just get out of the city for a while and this is a good distraction from everything.* “You aren’t trying to talk me out of this, why?”
<Jo> *Jo lets out a laugh at Anna asking why she isn’t trying to stop her as she turns out towards the right roads out of town, slowly creeping up the speed as they get out further* “Why would I? If you’re sure, its your choice and I guess it’s better you’re asking for help or for me to come along with you than go by yourself. That, and enough people have tried to talk me out of it in my life I don't want to do the same to you.”
<Anna> “Wow, that’s really logical and makes a lot of sense. I thought I would hear some thing about my past or whatever.” *Smiling she relaxes and reaches for the car radio.* “I used to be good at this so I hear, so why not.”
<Jo> “Nah, you’re just talking to someone who got repeatedly asked if I was sure this is what I wanted - theres other things out there for you Jo, you could do something different, go back to school, you’re better than this, and getting yourself killed on some dusty back road, that’s where you belong..” *Jo mimicks several voices, still smiling as Anna fiddles with the radio and they get past the outskirts of town* “You were good, Anna, and not just cause of what you were. Much more logical and calm headed than I was.”
<Anna> *Anna laughs listening to Jo.* “You are going to have so much fun when you have your own kids and get that paid back to you.” *Watching the scenery go by she’s not really caring about how good she was before because she wasn’t good enough to avoid being some demons toy.*
<Jo> “Oh god, please don’t talk about kids. I think Mom’d have kittens if she knew she was getting grandbabies.” *Shaking her head, Jo frowns slightly at Anna’s choice of music but not really caring as she finally gets to build up some speed*
<Anna> *Finding a clasical station she leaves it there and she smirks at Jo* “I don’t know, maybe it’s because the idea of having a bunch of small copies of you running around might be making her have kittens.”
<Jo> “Ha ha. I didn’t run her /that/ raggard.” *Letting out a sigh, the blonde shoots the other a look before laughing* “She can keep her kittens to herself though.”
<Anna> *Anna chuckles as she watches Jo squirm.* “Why don’t you and Grey hunt together? I would think that him being a monster would be an advantage in killing other monsters.”
<Jo> “He’s… weird. About how he, uh, hunts.” *Jo flushes slightly, having considered the idea a few times - especially since the months when the shadow was reluctant to go out himself - but knew it made the other much more uncomfortable than her* “He doesn’t like me watching when he feeds, even if he does have the advantage of being able to find them easier than me.”
<Anna> “He eats them? I thought they ate people? So he doesn’t eat you?” *Anna thought they were all the same and it’s interesting to hear that they can eat other creatures.*
<Jo> “The monster equivalent of tofu, I’m guessing.” *Jo smiles slightly to herself, almost amused by Anna’s reaction before shrugging a shoulder* “Grey doesn’t want to be a monster, doesn’t want to act like one. He..doesn’t want to hurt people; so he doesn’t feed on human energy as a choice. All the others I’ve met do, though if they want a body, then they feed on demons occasionally too. And, uh, he..” *Flushing slightly, Jo presses harder on the gas before continuing to speak, almost certain she was getting as red as Anna’s hair* “He doesn’t feed off of me usually. There’s… I’ve made him a few times, and he has some control issues when there’s a lot of emotions, so there's been some slips.”
<Anna> *Feeling the car getting faster and watching Jo blush she realizes how it sounds and she blushes some too clearing her throat.* “So, not all shadows can take a human? Grey and Gray fed from a demon? What do angels have to do to take a person?”
<Jo> *Jo nods, letting out a breath before glancing out the side of her eyes at the other* “If you’re worried about you, that’s your body - one hundred per cent Anna. As for other angels.. they have to get a person to say yes to letting them. Completely by their own free choice.”
<Anna> “I’ve already had that freak out, thanks. Have you ever seen what Gray or Grey look like outside of their body?” *She snorts, conversations now are so strange sounding if she ever stops to think about them.*
<Jo> “Haven’t actually seen Gray that way, but I was on speaking terms with Grey before the split and before he ever took on a human form. And I’ve seen it a few times since then.” *Jo smiles slightly, thinking back the the fuzzy memories she has of that time, though there were times she wasn’t sure if something was a dream or real given how blurry her time in Heaven even was*
<Anna> “Before the split?” *Anna tilts her head looking at Jo curiously. She knew they shared a name but she thought hearing them spoke of like they are twins or brother that maybe they came from the same litter or hatching or however they are born.*
<Jo> “Long story short, they were originally part of one another, a deal went haywire and Grey had a part of..well they call it a Vice, but it’s kind of like angel’s have their Grace and humans have their souls.. well part of that was broken and split off and that sort of made Gray. Out of all the bits of himself that was being denied by the changes in lifestyle Grey had.” *Jo’s a little fuzzy on how it all went down herself, but she knows how much of a struggle that was to begin with for Grey, and can recall just how dreadful both were before and after the split occured* “It’s confusing to think about, honestly, but their more like good and evil twins but..less good and evil divide.”
<Anna> *Leaning back she puts a hand over her eyes and she rubs them, feeling a headache starting.* “I’m going to learn to stop asking questions one day, really I am. So they are the same person, different aspects of personality, then why does both of them like you and only one likes me? Shouldn’t..you know what, never mind. I can live with knowing this and just dealing with it.”
<Jo> “Personality clashes, Anna. That’s all. I’d say its cause Gray doesn’t hold grudges, least not when he thinks he’s earnt what he’s got.” *Jo laughs loudly at Anna saying she’d learn to stop some day from asking questions, and figures that thats the easiest, least complicated answer she could give her.* “I’d just quit while you’re ahead on the question front, Anna.”
<Anna> “I’m going to eventually run out of things that I don’t know right?” *Hitting her head on the seat rest she realizes that she just asked another question. “Have I been shot yet? Because, shoot me, we can add that to the list of things that’s happened.”
<Jo> *Jo can’t stop giggling as Anna keeps asking questions, nodding her head* “I don’t think you got shot, that’s more my department and its not often we’re on the other end of something which handles a weapon like a gun.”
<Anna> *Sighing she closes her eyes* “Wake me when we get there? I think sleeping is safer than talking right now.” *Anna slouches down in the seat further once she’s scooted it back as far as it will go so she can spread her legs out.*
<Jo> *Jo bites back a joke about Anna’s comment from earlier to speak in the car, figuring letting the other sleep a while longer was better over all before turning the music down a little. The trip is a little shorter than Anna had estimated, if only because of Jo’s speeding through some more well known areas from her own travels and as they turn off the free-way into the back road towards the township  Jo leans over to hit the other awake* “Hey, wake up sleeping beauty, you’ve got a ghost to hunt.”
<Anna> *Waking up startled she looks around and then at the clock in the car, rubbing her eyes* “You drive too fast, about as smooth as Dean.” *She says barely awake as she sits up and stretches, running a hand through her hair to get the tangles out.*
<Jo> *Chuckling, the blonde shrugs her shoulder with a grin on her face* “Remember how bumpy his rides are, then? I’ve got faith in my love that she’ll stay on the road - got a mechanic in town who helps me keep her in tip-top shape.” *Watching Anna try to wake up, Jo slows down as they get near the edges of town* “Be glad you got to sleep through most of it then.”
<Anna> *Looking at Jo likes she’s talking about a conversation she’s not been a part of she just shakes her head and she looks around and then reaches for the file folder.* “The wreck happened on the other side of town by article of the  wreck the news reported on, it was a popular local cut through between towns.”
<Jo> *Jo blinks blankly back at Anna’s confusion, before taking a right when she sees the road sign for the junk yard* “Figure we go to the junk yard first then? Just to be sure?” *She’s fairly certain, given that the haunting is at the location, that the road is going to be the spot, but sometimes things aren’t that straight forward*
<Anna> *Anna nods and she gets the photo of the car out.* “It’s a blue Honda Accord, lil street racer. Are we going to ask to go look at cars like that because we need a part?”
<Jo> *Parking, Jo takes a quick glance at the photo before letting out a disgusted noise* “Yeah, that’s probably best, though if you can keep whoever runs the places attention if I gesture for you to..” *She’s actually thinking Anna might have been on to something about the car being taken apart for bits and figured finding details on where they might have gone might be impossible if that did happen*
<Anna> “Just keep them distracted? Okay I think I can do that, maybe.” *Anna climbs out, she’s stiff and she leans against the car stretching out for a moment, so she doesn’t move like an old woman.* “Are you going to go check the car?”
<Jo> “Yeah, shouldn’t be too hard to find. Bobby’s got a yard like this and something like that’d probably be in the newer vehicles..” *Locking the car and moving around to the trunk, she slips her lighter into her pocket and fills a small bag with some lighter fluid and salt* “See if you can’t find out if they sold any bits too.”
<Anna> “Alright.” *Walking into the office Anna smiles at the guy there behind the desk, asking him about cars that match the one they are looking for by making up a story about looking for a part to fix her boyfriends car that she might have wrecked and she wants to get it done before he gets into town and finds out since that car is his baby and she’s sure the car is in higher rank than her in her boy friend’s life, rambling and smiling and looking as dumb as she possibly can when describing the part she needs.“
<Jo> *Jo was glad most yards worked the same, newer stock to the front, older to the back and that it wasn’t too hard to recognise the make and model for the (in her view) dreadful car they were after. Looking around to see if there was anyone else looking around or working, she sighs happily when they aren’t before climbing up and into the car to look for any blood or parts left behind. The covers of the backseat where the boy had been were missing, and she’d assume they’d been too coated in blood to bleach out - probably been burnt which worked well enough in her book. There was a section of carpet and a small bit of the roof which looked bloody, and cutting them out, Jo pockets both pieces before triple checking for any more.*
<Anna> *Anna looks out over the yard nervously as the worker there is clearly not amused by her questions and her lack of knowledge but she keeps on asking questions and then distracting him when he starts to walk out to the car to check by describing something that’s totally not the original part that she asked for.*
<Jo> *So far no ghost, and moving behind an empty shell of a car a few feet from the Accord, Jo sets the pieces on the ground and douses them in fluid and salt before lighting them. When nothing seems to happen, she stomps out the flames with her boot before heading towards the small window of the office and waving for Anna to get out as she heads back towards her car*
<Anna> *Anna watches Jo get in the car and as the yard worker goes to get his coat because she finally shut up for two seconds she ducks out of the office, walking quickly back to Jo’s car, sliding in and shutting the door.* "Did you find anything?”
<Jo> “Some blood stains but no ghosts popped up to knock me out for setting them alight, so I’d hazard a guess that’s not the case. Wasn’t even the boy’s car so he probably doesn’t have that big a connection other than dying in it.” *Jo starts the engine and pulls away just as she notices the yard worker stepping outside to look for Anna. Turning towards the road of the crash, she shoots Anna a look* “Just how painful were you for him?”
<Anna> “Well let’s just say, if you ever need parts from this place, never send me to get them.” *Anna grins as she sticks her hands infront of the heating vents.* “So are we going to try and talk to the mother now or just go investigate the road?”
<Anna> “Well let’s just say, if you ever need parts from this place, never send me to get them.” *Anna grins as she sticks her hands infront of the heating vents.* “So are we going to try and talk to the mother now or just go investigate the road?"
<Jo> "Noted, Anna and cars don’t mix.” *Chuckling, Jo considers for a moment before turning the car towards the road* “I want to check out what this thing is. And maybe if we head out to the road the boy might show up and try to scare us off if we get near the crash site?”
<Anna> “And it’s safe because you know it’s a ghost and you aren’t going to drive off the road startled right?” *Anna tightens her seat belt and looks up to see if the car has an ‘ohshitbar’ to hold onto.* “What if we can’t find anything to burn, how do we get rid of it then?”
<Jo> “Well depends on how the other crashes say he shows up, if he messes with the wheels and controls.. that won’t be pretty. But yeah, I don’t scare easy.” *Jo slows her speed down as she approaches the area* “Or we can pull over a little before and go hunting. If we can’t find anything, then it might be a specific type of ghost, which..could be more annoying but they’re rare”
<Anna> “Alright, it would be safer than driving in and risking a wreck.” *Anna can’t help but find this fun, it’s different to the things she’s been doing at it’s keeping her mind active.* “It was about half way down the slope on the steepest part before the car came to a stop according the police report.”
<Jo> *Jo nods, driving in silence until she reaches the top of the hill and pulling off to the side of the road at Anna’s suggestion that it would be safer* “Well, lets see how we go heading down there to look for something.” *Getting out of the car and grabbing two bags with kereosene and salt, as well as the knives, shot guns and ammo as discretely as possible, Jo hands one of the bags over as she slips one of the knives in her belt loop before offering out a gun and knife to Anna* “Mind you, getting shot with these is going to hurt like a bitch, but it’s easier than a normal gunshot wound, okay?”
<Anna> *Anna takes the bag but then she looks at the gun and Jo.* “I don’t know how to use those, you really want me to walk around with a gun?” *She was looking at the snow covered leaves and just hoping that she wasn’t going to bust her ass in front of Jo.*
<Jo> “You slash with the knife if Mr. Blair Witch shows up, and the guns loaded..safety is off, so just point and trigger if he gets too close. I’ve got faith even if your mind doesn’t remember your hands will.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, having gotten a salt round to the back a fair few years ago and not too worried about getting the same if it happens even if it did end up bruised and sore for a long while. Heading down the slope, Jo’s glad the road seems less populated - probably due to the number of crashes recently, towards where Anna suggested the crash had been, keeping her eyes out for the boy*
<Anna> *Looking at the gun she turns it on the side, trying to find where the saftey is on it, she’s not comfortable at all with it and the knife and she wonders if she can just point and let Jo shoot things as she follows behind Jo. She’s struggling to carry the bag, teh gun and hold to the trees because it’s hard to tell if she’s got solid footing with her bad leg.* “If he’s just running cars off the road do you think he’s going to come after us walking?”
<Jo> “Because, we’re coming to get rid of him and in my experience they don’t like tha- get down.” *Jo’d just crossed towards where she could see the recent skid marks of several car crashes when she notices a figure roughly ten feet back from Anna. Drawing her gun, Jo fires off a round and smiles when the boy seems to disappear* “Okay.. obviously something is here then. Did you want to look while I..?” *She waves her gun before firing another shot around the same place, cursing when the boy vanishes before hand and the round explodes against a tree*
<Anna> *Anna only ducks after the round explodes on the tree near her, her ears ringing as she looks around wildly not having seen anything.* “I..that was ..you don’t have to shoot at me!” *Scrambling to get back up she’s mostly sliding down the hill now on her ass towards the tree that was clearly scarred by the wreck, her jeans and hands soaking wet from the snow.* “Jo, near the road!” *Looking past Jo she can see the outline of a person.*
<Jo> *Jo lets out a laugh watching Anna, though the direction gets a quick response, lining up the boy in her sights as she keeps an eye on him. He’s young, that much is obvious, and seemingly not sure which of them to go after* “Anna, try looking for something, I’ll keep him off you.” *Firing another round, she’s glad to see it hits and scares him off only to end up flying backwards at an unseen push*
<Anna> *Anna watches Jo get shoved and she’s scrambling trying to get the saftey off, her hands are cold and she’s more than a little freaked but finally she gets it off and she raises the gun trying to shoot but nothing happens and she looks at it, realizing she has to cock it. When the ghost appears again she shoots in it’s general direction.* “Are you okay?”
<Jo> “Just look for something!” *Jo shouts back as she sits up with a groan, fingers going for her ammunition to refill her shot gun as the boy vanishes and reappears again towards the road* “I’ve got this.”
<Anna> *Anna gets to her feet, wincing as she rushes through the underbrush, looking around and then she spots a piece of red material. Scrambing to get it she’s shouting at Jo that she found it, a baseball cap with blood on it when she feels something shove her the moment she grabs it.*
<Jo> *She was looking around for where the boy’d vanished to when Anna shouts, spinning around to catch sight of her going down from the ghost on her back. Swearing, Jo aims another shot at the ghost’s back, firing quickly and mentally crossing her fingers that Anna wouldn’t get hit as she approaches* “C'mon Anna, hurry up and torch the fucker.”
<Anna> *The shot explodes close to her and she curls up covering her head, hearing Jo screaming at her and she fumbles for the pack, trying to get it open and she’s got the salt out, dumping it over the hat but as she’s reaching for the lighter fluid the pack is thrown away and she screams as she looks up at the bloody boy standing there, his face crushed in.*
<Jo> *Seeing Anna get pulled away, Jo slips and slides her way across to the hat Anna’d lost hold of before flicking her lighter and dumping it ontop of the frabric, hoping it’d catch alight without the lighter fluid - smiling as the tag at the back catches fire and the rest follows suit, turning to see if the ghost would burn up*
<Anna> *The ghost makes an awful sound as it goes up in flames and she turns looking at Jo with wide eyes, she’s sweating like she’s just ran a marathon in summer and fact Jo is smiling is bewildering.* “He’s gone?”
<Jo> “Dead gone.” *Jo grins widely as she moves over to help Anna up, bag back on her back and knife back in her pocket* “Not too hard for your first hunt, was it?”
<Anna> “It’s not as hard I guess as having to dig the grave up.” *Anna takes the hand up and she makes her way to her pack, she’s going to be so sore from this but she feels like she did something at least this time.* “Hardest thing now is getting back up this hill I guess.”
<Jo> “Nah, you stay here. I’ll go get the car and we’ll head home.” *Jo sets down her gun and bag with Anna before heading back up the hill, tossing the knife into the backseat when she gets there before driving slowly down the hill to where the other was standing, more than ready to head back home now that the dusk was falling and getting cooler again* “I’ll drop you home, okay?”
<Anna> *Throwing the stuff in the trunk she happily climbs in and she nods* “Sure, home sounds good. I’m sure you and Grey have a lot of making up to do and I think I have a date with a hot bath.” *Now that the adrenaline is wearing off she’s feeling exactly how cold she is and every little scratch and bruise. Closing her eyes she drifts off again on the way back.*
#2 - Another where Anna was bothering Jo about wanting to hunt. And at the end Anna yet again asks about Grey vs Gray... (Jo was always going to answer the same way as she does, but also embarrassed about answering correctly)
<Jo> *Jo’d startted to make three different lists of hunts, some for herself, the list on the fridge for Grey and a smaller list of hunts she thinks that Anna might possibly be interested and capable of coming along on. The struggles of her leg damage hadn’t escaped the blonde’s notice, but she figured that that wouldn’t stop her from going on any if she was actually interested. Heading to the other’s
<Jo> apartment, Jo knocks once sharply, waiting outside rather than heading straight in like she used to as she is glad to be out of the cold outdoors as she waits*
<Anna> *Anna is napping when she hears the knock, the trash can is full of tissues and she’s down to using a roll of toilet paper now as everyhing that’s been backed up has starting to come out with teh cold breaking up. Getting up she shivers not sure if the apartment is cold or if she still has chills, with the blanket wrapped up around her she makes her way to the door and opens it up.* “Hey Jo.”
<Jo> “Hey… you alright?” *Jo’s eyebrow shoots up when Anna answers the door wrapped up in blankets even as the warmth of the apartment basically hits her in the face. Moving inside and shutting the door behind her, the hunter smirks to herself seeing the piles of tissues* “I’m going to guess not too good?”
<Anna> *Blowing her nose she goes back to the bed and sits down on it and curls up on it.* “I’m fine, it’s better now, should be over it in a couple of days. How have you been?”
<Jo> “Mostly alright. Better than you at least.” *Jo smiles to herself, grabbing the back of one of the chairs at the kitchen table and dragging it across to the bed before flopping down in it. Resting her ankles on the edge of the bed, she smirks slightly at the other* “Well then, I should come back in a couple of days then. I have some things you might like.”
<Anna> “You have cupcakes?” *Anna grins and as she pulls the blankets up around ehr more and she looks at Jo expectingly.* “Or is this about the hunt? Going to tell me what I need to do better?”
<Jo> “Not on me I don’t. I’ll remember to bring some next time I’m over if Grey doesn’t steal them all..” *Laughing, Jo shakes her head and digs in the pocket of her winter coat before tossing a small notepad towards Anna* “I actually started keeping a list of hunts I thought you might be interested in joining me on. Mostly ghosts  at present..”
<Anna> *Anna comes out of the mound of blankets enough to pick up the notebook looking over it before looking at Jo with a stupid grin on her face.* “Really? So you’re willing to go with me again? Or take me hunting with you again?”
<Jo> “Yeah, I am. For the things I think you’d like or be up to, definitely.” *Jo smiles back at Anna, leaning back on her chair legs, stretching* “If you want to work with me, yeah.”
<Anna> *Anna nods and she looks over the notebook.* “I do, I had fun, in a weird, this could kill me sort of way. I did something though and it felt good to not just be the one on the sidelines or needing to be saved.”
<Jo> “I know exactly what you mean.” *She nods her head, finding her balance easily.* “Well, I’m happy to work with you, Anna.”
<Anna> “Was it like before? When we worked together?” *Anna watches Jo balance and she looks to see if Jo falls back she’s clear of busting her head on the table. She doesn’t say anything but there’s a vague memory from a nightmare she had a couple of nights ago about a rawhead.*
<Jo> “Sorta?” *Shrugging, Jo runs a hand through her hair as she tries to think about the differences between the past hunts and the most recent* “Never were that good with a gun, actually. So I figure we might need to work on that on and off hunts; but yeah it was near. We used to work well together when we weren’t fighting over who was doing what..”
<Anna> *Anna nods and she puts teh note book down and she blows her nose, throwing the tissue at the can.* “Can we find a hunt some place warm?” *She looks sheepish about the gun suggestion, not really liking this part of hunting, she’s just not comfortable with them and they’re loud.*
<Jo> *Rocking back with her heels, Jo watches Anna with a laugh as she blows her nose* “We could, yeah. I’ve got a few friends down south as is so I’ll see if they know anything. That, or we’ll try not to be out of houses instead.” *Snickering, she pushes back a little far as she imagines Anna trying to relearn shooting and lets out a shriek as she falls back*
<Anna> *Anna’s head jerks up as Jo shrieks and she watches the blond woman’s arms pinwheel as she tries to stop the backwards decent but it doesn’t help and Jo lands on her back.* “Graceful. Are you alright?” *She’s trying to not laugh but she’s failing.*
<Jo> *Jo blinks in silence for a few seconds before laughing loudly* “I’m good, I’m good.” *Pushing herself back up, she sets the chair back up again, leaning against it as she rubs her lower back* “Grace is your department, not mine.”
<Anna> “Then we both fail in it.” *Anna laughs, coughing as she does and she sniffs wiping her nose.* “At least you can can get Grey to kiss your booboos. Tell him the chair was possesed and tried to eat you.”
<Jo> “Yeah, I don’t know about that.” *Jo shakes her head, flushing slightly as she continues to rub at her back before standing up straight* “Did you need another toilet roll?”
<Anna> “I’m good, I think. Did you want me to research these hunts you have wrote down?” *Anna grins at Jo’s blushing, enjoying being on the otherside of it for once.* “You might want to get Grey to ice that down for you, a bruise there isn’t going to feel good later.”
<Jo> “If you could, that’d probably be good. I’ve only just been able to pick a pattern for some hauntings so I’m not sure who yet..” *Noticing the other’s grin, Jo ducks her head and shakes it again* “It’ll be alright, I wouldn’t want to bother him with it, Anna.”
<Anna> *Anna just nods and she puts the notepad on the table beside her, getting up to get her laptop so she can research while under her blanket mound.* “When do you want to go on the hunt Jo? Soon as I have the research done?”
<Jo> “Whenever you’re better or the researchs been done, yeah.” *Jo smiles slightly, sitting down gingerly*
<Anna> “Need a pillow?” *Anna teases as she watches Jo ease herself down in the chair. She was still sore from the hunt and it showed but at least it was from a hunt and not a falling chair.*
<Jo> *She waves off the offer, shaking her head* “Nah, I’m good.” *Rubbing the back of her neck, Jo squints at the look on Anna’s face, trying not to smile at the teasing*
<Anna> *Anna laughs at Jo’s look and she opens up her laptop booting it up.* “So, are you wanting something harder than last time? And possibly easier than the chair?”
<Jo> “I’d think something harder than the chair might be far out of my level..” *Jo jokes along, shaking her head* “Take your time though, like I say - we’ll go when you’re healthy again, nothing worse than hunting with a cold honestly. But yeah, most seem to be more active ghosts; figure we’ll work our way into some of the things which require more tangling..”
<Anna> “More active? Like haunted house?” *Anna has started files for each case on her laptop and she tosses Jo her notebook back after copying all of the information.* “Do they all like to do the whole grab and toss like the last one?”
<Jo> *Tucking the list back away, Jo shakes her head* “Yes and no on the haunted house. Most ghosts /do/ haunt houses; but that ghost was relatively new. Most ghosts have decades to learn all the tricks. And yeah, the tossing is a regular thing. Some have a lot worse habits though; some can even jump you.”
<Anna> *Anna looks up, confused look on her face.* “Jump you? Like demons or the monsters? Why would a ghost want to do that?”
<Jo> “Well… you know what ghosts /are/, right? Like, how some people end up as ghosts while others pass on and either go to Hell and become demons or go to Heaven, right?” *Jo leans forward, resting her arms across her knees as she looks back at the other*
<Anna> “People that don’t move on, I know that much Jo.” *Anna nods but she never thought about them doing more than just throwing you around or killing people.* “I know some have a goal or some are sort of stuck.”
<Jo> *Jo shakes her head, smiling slightly* “Most aren’t staying because they’re stuck or have a goal. They just don’t pass on, and then they become angry. Or they’re already angry and that’s why they don’t move on..” *Shifting slightly, she begins toying with the end of her hair as she watches Anna* “But some when they become mad, they want to do more than toss and shove and kill through normal ways. Sometimes they latch onto people like them, kindred spirits almost, and take over them and control like a demon or monster. Other times they just want to get out or get control of something too.”
<Anna> *Anna nods listening, taking it in* “I wonder what happens to them since they missed their chance to go upstairs or downstairs. They are just souls at that point.”
<Jo> “Well, what would you do if you couldn’t communicate with anyone you loved; watched them mourn and miss you; maybe one day forget you? Eventually leave where you were trapped for eternity, or worse, watch them die there too..” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she speaks, pulling at a split end* “Eventually you get depressed, then angry, and then you want to make other’s hurt like you too..”
<Anna> “I was just wondering if we destroy them totally since they don’t move on and we burn them is all.” *Anna yawns closing her laptop as she looks at Jo.* “You were dead, what was it like?”
<Jo> “I don’t know what happens to them…they disappear? Most wouldn’t go to Heaven if they had the option of passing on..” *She looks surprised when Anna asks her what dying was like, dropping her hands between her knees as she thinks what to say* “I..what do you mean? It hurt, I died, I don’t remember the between time from here to Heaven. Most of that’s a fuzz now, but it was pretty… standard life, memories.. stuff.”
<Anna> “So you know you were dead but you don’t remember it? It’s like you just woke up alive again?” *Anna tilts her head looking at Jo curious now.* “What made you go back to hunting if that’s what killed you?”
<Jo> “Remember bits, I remember how I died but not chosing to pass on or stay around; guess cause I got cremated fully, salt and all, I didn’t really have anything to tie me anyway. And I remember what Heaven /is/ but not much of my time there..” *Jo pulls a face slightly, flushing as she tries to remember most of it and comes up with a lot of blanks* “I’m a hunter…”
<Anna> *Anna just lays back and thinks about it.* “I know we knew each other, hunted before but how did we meet?” *She knew how her and Gray met but she wasn’t sure other than she and Jo knew each other on how they met and what made them hunt together.*
<Jo> *Rubbing at her neck, the blonde woman stares at the other even as she flops backwards, thinking about it* “I think we met when I was still dead. One of the perks of being an angel, I guess, is being able to travese both Heaven and Earth.. Its the only answer I can think of, because I knew we were hunting together when I came back to life. You… you used up a fair bit of what Grace you had left to help me back then..” *Jo keeps back what she remembers about the first while back on Earth, that the whole original problems with Crowley so far as Anna was concerned came from her entanglement with the demon..*
<Anna> *Anna watches Jo thinking back, getting lost in thought. The idea of knowing her in heaven and not here first is a strange idea but she’s slowly understand that  strange is her normal now. Looking back Jo’s still lost in though and she smirks asking casually wondering if Jo will answer.* “Who’s better in bed, Grey or Gray?”
<Jo> *Jo’s not paying attention when Anna speaks, the question not really registering until she’s answered* “Dunno, Gr-. …I…wait, what? Why are you asking that?!” *She flushes as brightly as Anna’s hair, blinking at her in shock, glad she cut herself off quickly enough*
<Anna> *Laughing she lays there watching Jo turn red, she’s not sure why she’s asking but at the time it sounded like a good idea and she raises a brow.* “What was that Jo? You sort of stopped midsentence?”
<Jo> “I… I don’t even know what you’d count as better!” *Jo bites down on her lip, feeling her blush get slightly deeper as she tries not to laugh alng too*
<Anna> “Better, you know, who you liked more.” *Anna yawns as she laughs before blowing her nose and she pulls the covers up more, she felt wiped out but seeing Jo’s expression is worth it.*
<Jo> *Shaking her head, Jo leans back before hissing slightly and sitting upright instead* “Given I wasn’t bleeding or tied to anything and get very well taken care of; I’d say Grey…” *Pulling her hair back from her face, she stands up to go check on Anna’s radiator*
<Anna> *Anna laughs watching Jo lean back on her sore tailbone and then confess to Grey. She takes pity on her and she just yawns again as Jo gets up to mess with something. She’s going to say something but she’s forgotten what it was and she just blinks slowly before falling asleep*
<Jo> *Jo was half expecting a further inquisition, not sure she wanted to give any more explanations of things given the awkwardness around at the moment; but when she can’t make the room any warmer, she turns around to see the other asleep on the bed. Shaking her head, Jo goes to set a glass of water and some flu tablets on the bedside before heading home*
#3 - More of the Same
<Jo> *Jo figured Anna’d had enough time to recover, at least enough for some practice outside of town. Rocking up at the redhead’s door, she tucks her scarf into her jacket as she knocks on the door, leaving the rest of her things in the car*
<Anna> *Anna looks up from her laptop hearing the knock. She’s dressed in sweat pants and a few different layers of shirts, she’s starting to understand why the rent is cheap, the heating barely works so she’s been infront of her oven with the door down all morning. Opening up she smiles seeing Jo.* “Hey.”
<Jo> “You up for some target practice?” *Jo asks happily, looking a little too interested in the idea of going out to shoot things*
<Anna> “Sure, let me get my coat.” *Anna grins seeing Jo looking like a kid that’s about to go to the toy store and she grabs her coat and keys off the back of the chair.* “So, by shooting you mean guns right?”
<Jo> “Yep, I figured we’d get some practice in before the next hunt.” *Jo heads out to the car, starting the heater as she guns the engine waiting for Anna to lock up and get in* “Theres some out of the way fields outside of town we can use”
<Anna> *Locking up she gets inside the car, holding her hands up to the heater.* “You know, I could just be in charge of throwing the lighter. You could do all the shooting. It’s loud.”
<Jo> “What happens if I get knocked out? Or pinned down? Or we get seperated?” *Jo teases back, pulling out and heading towards the edge of the city* “You get used to it, and you need to learn how to do it.”
<Anna> “Just don’t get knocked out, pinned or seperated.” *Anna smirks making it sound so simple and she sits back relaxing as Jo drives. “It’s mostly just shotguns right?”
<Jo> *Letting out a laugh, Jo shakes her head as the car builds up speed and they angle towards one of the less used routes out of the city limits* “I guess you can get away with just shotguns, but one day I’ll get you good with handguns and stuff too”
<Anna> “You’re just asking to get shot aren’t you? It’s not like I’m ever going to hunt anythign that needs silver rounds, I doubt I could move well enough for that kind of hunt.” *Anna sits up and grabs the ohshitbar as Jo speeds up turning off the main road.*
<Jo> “That… well, at least you know you wouldn’t. Guess we’ll just stick with the shotguns.” *Jo smirks to herself watching the other’s grip on the handle and steps down harder for a few seconds before slowing down again*
<Anna> *Reaching out she grabs the dash and she cringes* “You know to teach me to use a gun I have to live to make it to the shooting range!”
<Jo> *Laughing again, she slows down further until she’s going much slower than she normally would but probably closer to what Anna would be comfortable with* “Yeah, okay, okay. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
<Anna> “Who taught you to drive?” *Anna grins relaxing as they go further out into a snow covered area that is away from the city.* “And did your driving instructer survive?”
<Jo> “Well, the main ones survived past my learning how to do it at least.” *Jo jokes slightly, though her mirth is slightly lessened before shaking it off* “They were better than yours at least.” *They reach the turn off for Jo’s chosen spot, mostly just the land far from the popular road areas and far enough away from any houses that no one would get there and interupt*
<Anna> “I can drive, safely, without breaking the laws and sanely thank you very much.” *Anna smirks as she feels the road get rougher, clearly having left the paved part and she reaches down zipping up her coat as the snow starts to fall again.*
<Jo> *Pulling over and parking behind a row of trees, Jo warms her hands over the heater for a few moments before shutting off the engine and leaning into the backseat to grab her bag* “Yeah yeah, you ready to learn something today?”
<Anna> “First aid for a gun shot wound?” *Anna teases as she gets out, pulling the hood of her coat up over her hair and she grins to Jo as she looks around the area Jo’s found.*
<Jo> “You’ll only have to learn that if you hit my sweetheart.” *Jo pats the roof of the car in explanation before shifting the bag up on her shoulder and reaching out to grab the other woman’s wrist as she steers them to walk along the tree line until their further away from the car and towards a rundown old stone wall.*
<Anna> *Anna raises a brow as Jo implies that she might accidently shoot the car, she doesn’t tell Jo the car is safer than the person because no way is she walking out of this place.* “So why Duluth? What was it about this place that we decided on?”
<Jo> *Shrugging, Jo sets down the bag, reaching in and pulling out two pairs of worn, fingerless wool gloves - holding a pair out as she pulls on the other* “The bar. I used to work there before my old home burnt down and my mom came and found me. I figured you wanted somewhere stable, I wanted somewhere hunters knew to go..it worked out.”
<Anna> *Taking the gloves she puts them on nodding, it made sense and she rubs her hands together as a wind blows across the open area.* “They didn’t have hunter bars in say, Hawaii?”
<Jo> “I wouldn’t know, haven’t left the mainland before.” *Jo lets out a laugh as she fumbles about in the bag before pulling out a few brightly coloured pieces of fabric and plastic of different sizes and visibility* “It was somewhere I knew would be safe.”
<Anna> “Safe, doesn’t really sound like any place is safe from monsters or demons really, I guess there are places less dangerous than others.” *Anna watches Jo and looks around in the bag, noting the different kinds of ammo and the two shot guns.*
<Jo> *Shrugging, not really having any defense to that, Jo grabs the pieces and goes and sets them at varying levels and patterns along the wall. She used to go target practicing with Ash where they’d use his leftover beer cans each time he finished one, but she doubted Anna could fire straight or she could drive straight if they went that way. Coming back, she offers one of the shot guns to Anna as well as a handful of salt rounds* “First things first - the ones you’re going to be after most. Try the yellow targets..”
<Anna> *Anna takes the rounds and the shotgun and sort of looks at Jo and then between the items. Hitting the targets didn’t sound that hard but first she had to figure out how to get the ammo in the gun. Pocketing the rounds she shifts her weight onto her good leg as she starts looking the gun over, trying to figure it out.* “So, maybe you should show me how to load the gun first?”
<Jo> *Jo tries not to snicker as she watches the other, nodding when Anna finally asks for the guidance, amused that it didn’t come straight away. Using the other gun, she checks the safety on the side before leaning the barrel against her thigh as she gently slips one round against the loading flap and pressing until the click of the shells rim moving past the magazine catch. Doing the same with another two rounds, Jo then pumps once to load and points the end of the barrel towards the ground away from the both of them, much slower than she normally would and then looks at the other* “And /then/ try the yellow targets..”
<Anna> *Anna watches Jo and she then takes her own gun pointing it away and she attempts to do what Jo did by checking the saftey and fumbling with it till she finally cracks it open so she can load it. Once the ammo is in she snaps it back and she holds it away from her before turning to the targets. * “Yellow targets..” *Looking down the barrel at the sights she cringes as she squeezes teh trigger.*
<Jo> *It takes biting down on her lip to not react to Anna’s fumbling through the steps, though she didn’t have to help before Anna had it loaded which surprised her a little. When Anna cringes and fires, Jo tilts her head when she sees the round explode a few inches away from the largest yellow target.* “Good first try..” *Setting her own gun down carefully, Jo moves over to reach around and reposition the other’s stance, pointing the gun again* “Try to put your feet in the way you want to shoot, to start at least. Now…try like this, and don’t flinch.” *She presses against Anna’s finger, as the gun’s lined up, waiting for the other to pull the trigger*
<Anna> *The sound is loud and that’s what Anna doesn’t like, she jumps and looks to see where she hit as she hears Jo say good try. Jo helps her and she bites her lip as Jo stands beside her, pulling her arms up, pushing her legs out to a more steady position. The not cringing part might be hard as she squeezes the trigger again, feeling the kick not as bad this time.*
<Jo> *This time it hits the edge of the plastic, cracking one side of it.* “Hey, you got a hit. Try again.” *Jo steps back, crossing her arms as she stands back to watch* “And /don’t/ flinch!”
<Anna> *Anna fumbles with the gun again, struggling to open it without grabbing the hot part of the barrel to reload it as Jo steps back and she mouths quietly “And don’t flinch” as Jo says it.* “Easy for you to say.”
<Jo> “Hey, stop.” *Jo steps back towards her pre-loaded gun, checking the safety again before offering it to Anna* “I’ll do the loading on the hot ones; you just work on getting your shots.” *She takes the half packed one off of Anna as she steps back* “It’s not hard to do either. Try breathing out as you take the shot”
<Anna> *Taking the fresh gun Anna looks down at her feet, getting back in the position Jo showed her and she raises her arms up, pushing her shoulders back as she aims. Breathing out slowly Anna tries to not flinch as she shoots again.*
<Jo> *The shot is closer to the centre, enough that if it werfe a ghost they would have vanished for a time. Smiling, Jo nods her head as she reloads the gun in her hands* “Good work, Anna. …try the red cloth on the end next.”
<Anna> *Anna looks down the wall, the cloth is moving and she frowns as she moves to get a better angel on it. She takes her time aiming again, carefully lining up and as she breathes out again firing the second cartridge but the wind picks up and she totally misses the red cloth*
<Jo> *Jo’s got her eye on the cloth, watching it flutter and as it falls down slightly she can tell the winds about to gust when she hears the gun fire. Letting out a laugh, the blonde offers the newly filled gun as she watches Anna’s reaction* “At least you didn’t flinch that time?”
<Anna> *Anna huffs at Jo and takes the other gun, her fingers that are exposed feel cold and she aims again, thinking she’ll have it when the wind moves the cloth again making her miss.* “Oh for fu..” *She stops mid swear as she looks at Jo like she’s supposed to make the wind stop.*
<Jo> *Laughing again, Jo reloads quickly before letting out a sigh* “Okay, watch me.” *She twists her body and feet towards the target, raising and lining up her sights as she focusses. Breathing slowly, she stands stock still for a long moment watching the changes of the wind and how the fabric waves; until suddenly firing and catching the end of it* “Just…take your time, okay?”
<Anna> *Watching Jo, she can’t help but huff at how easy Jo makes this all look and she wonders how good she was before with this stuff. Anna takes the gun and she waits, trying to time the wind so it’s not working against her as she squeezes off another shot, barely catching the end of teh cloth.* “I kinda got it.”
<Jo> *Jo smiles watching the other woman, before nodding and smiling wider when it catches as well* “Kinda is good enough sometimes, just a bit of salt’ll stop a ghost.” *She waves her hand for the other woman’s gun* “C'mon, into the car to warm up a bit and we’ll start again in a few minutes..”
<Anna> *Anna hands over the gun and she rubs her arms, feeling them ache from firing the gun. The idea of getting warm sounds good, going for a second round doesn’t sound so good and she looks at Jo.* “I can shoot, we don’t have to do a round two do we?”
<Jo> *Laughing, Jo tosses the keys to the other, resting the guns down gently before following into the car and rubbing her fingers together in front of the heater* “A few more, yeah.”
<Anna> *Anna grumbles as she cranks the car and turns the heater up to high* “So how like accurate do I have to be on hunts?”
<Jo> “The times you’ve hit each you’d be pretty alright. ..Advantage if you decide to stick to spirits is it doesn’t require quite so much accuracy.” *Jo continues to smile at the others grumbling, cheeks flushing bright red as the change from cold to heated air hits her face*
<Anna> “My arms hurt, I just got over being sore from the hunt.” *She knows she sounds whiney but Jo’s clearly enjoying this more than her even though she’s having some fun, mostly annoying Jo.*
<Jo> “Uh huh. Well, you want to do this - constant soreness is something you’ll get used to.” *She can’t stop the smirk at Anna’s almost whinging tone as Jo continues to move her fingers - the cold weather getting to the breaks from not long ago in a small ache she hopes will be this winter only*
<Anna> “No wonder you move like an old person sometimes.” *Anna slouches down in the chair turning the heat onto the feet setting and she stretches.* “Speaking of old, how long do like monsters live?”
<Jo> “Ha, ha. ..Depends on the monster..” *Jo continues to rub at her few recent injuries, twisting her ankle and glad that none of the areas that hurt last year hurt this year* “Though I get the feeling you didn’t mean in /general/.”
<Anna> *Anna shrugs, just wondering as she turns the engine off.* “The wind isn’t blowing as much, maybe now I can hit the damn red one.* *Climbing out of the car she can feel the cold make her legs ache that had just been under the heater.*
<Jo> "Try to reload straight off this time.” *Jo stays in the cab for a few moments, hoping out and traipsing along after the other once she sees her standing ready to shoot. Seeing the red fabric not moving at all and hanging limply, she can’t stop the small smirk before she chimes out as Anna goes to fire* “I think the boys are around two hundred and fifty..”
<Anna> “Talk about robbing the cradle..” *Anna tries to not think to hard about the age difference and she takes aim with the reloaded shotgun, breathing out she fires and without the wind she hits one side of the red cloth*
<Jo> “The other Anna was older, so she was sort of robbing the nest. Though glad someone else is, mentally, younger with me.” *Jo snickers, watching and grinning widely when Anna hits the cloth without the movement* “Try for the blue plastic this time.”
<Anna> “What do you mean mentally younger?” *Anna looks back glaring at Jo some and she grumbles about bossy old hunters as she reloads the shotgun before looking at the blue targets, they are the furthest away and her first shot is wide, missing totally*
<Jo> *Smiling as she watches the other miss, Jo offers the other gun like before as she shrugs* “I mean that someone doesn’t have over the number of years they look a memories too finally.”
<Anna> *Not sure if Jo is insulting her or not she just ignores her and fires, barely hitting the blue target.* “So, moving and far away, means basically I’m not hitting it.”
<Jo> “Yeah, pretty much.” *Jo watches on, absent mindedly reloads the other gun as she waits* “It just takes practice..”
<Anna> “Practice..well, I can hit the wall at least. I could be missing that totally and the targets.” *Anna grins some looking back at Jo pointing out the bright side of her being a bad shot.*
<Jo> “True, but you could also be hitting the targets.” *Jo teases back, smirking slightly before shifting her weight as she rolls her ankle* “Least you’re still not jumping.”
<Anna> “Maybe I need a bigger target, go take a jog down the field.” *Anna jokes as she sets the gun down rubbing her hands back and forth trying to get some feeling back in fingers.*
<Jo> *Jo frowns slightly before shrugging and setting the gun she has next to Anna’s feet* “That’s a good idea.” *Stealing herself, she runs back to the car and grabs one of the blankets from the car and wraps it around herself before jogging out* “Go ahead, give it a whirl!” *As she shouts, Jo spins herself, letting out a laugh as her blanket, jacket, scarf and hair fly out around her*
<Anna> *Anna just stares at Jo and she shakes her head.* “I am not going to attempt to shoot you! My luck something would happen and I would kill you even though it’s just salt and then not only would I be going to jail I would have a pissed off monster at me that already doesn’t like me!”
<Jo> *Laughing, Jo waves at Anna as she gets near the wall, hopping up on it and grinning like a child as she starts to move along the top* “Oh c'mon, I only brought salt with me, I’m not going to die, and if I do you can tell Grey I was askin’ for it! Just shoot, Anna”
<Anna> “No! I am not shooting you!” *Anna stares at Jo and she fights with the gun to get it back open to take the shells out, forgetting to put the saftey back on.* “I think the cold has shrunk your brain if you think this is a good idea!” *Anna is yelling down at Jo when the gun goes off and she screams in surprise when the sound of glass is heard breaking when the salt rounds hit the car*
<Jo> *Jo’s opening her mouth to shout back when she hears the sound of the gun followed by the glass shattering, spinning around too fast to look and falls over the back of the wall. Without a seconds hesitance, she pops back up looking across the distance towards the shocked other woman and then on to her ‘sweetheart’ and lets out an inhuman noise as she flings herself over the wall towards the car*
<Anna> *Anna carefully places the gun on the ground and she backs away as Jo makes a scream that doesn’t sound like anything a human should be able to make. She wants to ask if Jo’s okay from falling but the way Jo is running she’s guessing she is and wonders if she should use Jo’s distraction to put distance between them.* “I..well..it’s just a car right? A little paint, new window, good as new.”
<Jo> *She’s not even aware that she’s basically growling as she sprints past the other to the car to look over the damage, fingers shaking as she looked over the car and getting louder at Anna’s comment* “YOU SHOT MY FUCKING CAR!”
<Anna> “I didn’t mean too, it just happened. Calm down Jo, you were fine with me shooting you and it’s not like you can’t fix the car.” *Anna holds her hands up in a calming manner like when you’re trying to pacify an angry child.*
<Jo> “You shot my fucking car!” *Jo screams again, staring at the broken window before spinning around on the other woman* “I told you to shoot me! Not the car!”
<Anna> “I didn’t mean too! And look at this way, now you have a good reason to repaint it and get rid of that ugly blue color!” *Anna’s trying really hard to not laugh as she watches Jo come apart over the car.* “At least I didn’t hit the engine?”
<Jo> *Letting out a strangled noise, Jo tugs at her hair before stalking over to pick up the guns, leaving the targets behind as she shoves them and the blanket into her backseat* “Get in, we’re done for today.” *Settling into the front seat, she pulls her scarf up over her nose and mouth, fumbling in the glove box for some sunglasses*
<Anna> “Um the one side is still loaded Jo and I don’t know if the safety is on, not sure you want it going off in the car.” *Anna points out Jo is clearly pissed at her and she goes over, opening her door, raking the glass out of her seat onto the ground.* “I didn’t mean too, you know.”
<Jo> *Hissing, Jo reaches into the back and shoves the door open, standing half in and half out of the car she turns towards the wall and fires the gun towards one of the targets now further away and hitting straight through the still floating red target. Shoving the gun into the back again, Jo starts the car as she slams the door, waiting for Anna*
<Anna> *Biting her lip hard she meekly shuts the door, not saying anything else to Jo as she slouches down feeling a few pieces of glass she missed under her legs and ass. It’s going to be a cold ride back but she isn’t going to dare complain.*
<Jo> *The slight slush under the wheels sprays up behind them as Jo pulls back onto the roads and puts her foot down, feeling the wind sting against her cheeks and hair despite the protections she’d put on. After a few miles, she turns towards Anna and nods her head to the glove compartment* “Theres more glasses in there, you could use the fuckin’ blanket too.”
<Anna> *Anna is holding on for dear life  wondering about her chances of making it by walking back to town as Jo drives like she has a demon after her and she’s just nods as Jo screams above the sound of the wind coming into the car.* “I’ll be okay till we get back to my place.”
<Jo> *Nodding, Jo continues to grumble under her breath quietly as they finally get back into town, her fingers feeling like ice on the steering wheel as she slows down as she gets closer to Anna’s apartment. Pulling over out front, Jo lets out a sigh as she reaches out to touch the broken glass before looking across at the other woman* “We won’t be able to go until I’ve got this fixed, but I’ll let you know when we go.”
<Anna> *Anna’s teeth are chattering and her face feels raw as she nods, getting out and walking stiffly to her apartment. She’s got a date with the shower and then her bed and blankets.* “Sorry..really didn’t mean too ya know, shoot the car.”
<Jo> *Jo nods, leaning through the front window as Anna gets out and heads inside* “I know. I’ll see you later, Anna..” *Shivering, she turns away and heads back towards home - already planning to thaw out in the shower and in front of the tv*
#4 - Might have put this one up already, Grey won’t be happy cause Jo bakes for others...
<Jo> *missed that LOL*
<Anna> Soooooo
<Jo> ooooooo..?
<Anna> “Can I drive the car?”
<Jo> “No!”
<Anna> *Sigh*
<Jo> LOL
<Anna> =P
<Anna> “Jo”
<Jo> “…It rhymes with my name, and starts with an ‘n’.”
<Anna> “nacho?”
<Jo> “…You suck. You suck so so bad.”
<Anna> *Anna grins*
<Jo> “Not gonna happen.”
<Anna> “So we don’t ever go out for Mexican?”
<Jo> “God, can you just… Just go make friends with Grey or call up your guy or something. Annoy someone else too!”
<Anna> *Anna looks innocently at Jo.* “What am I doing to annoy you? I’m just asking questions, how am I supposed to know that we don’t go out for Mexican.”
<Jo> “Fuckin’ God and Mother help me.” *Jo rubs the bridge of her nose* “What were you going to ask /other/ than that you can drive then?”
<Anna> “If you wanted to go out for coffee.”
<Anna> “And not Mexican it seems.”
<Jo> “So long as theres some cake included..”
<Anna> *Anna laughs quietly*
<Jo> “I like sweets, alright. Shut up.”
<Anna> *Anna ticks off on her fingers* “Sweets, no nachos, no driving for me..”
<Jo> “Sounds about right”
<Anna> “I can see how you and Gray are alike, he says I’m also annoying.”
<Jo> “Yeah, but I’m sure he means it much more affectionately than I do.”
<Anna> “No not really, he sounded about as annoyed as you do.”
<Jo> “Yeah, but he /always/ sounds annoyed. …Mostly.”
<Anna> “Not always but when I’m teasing him like I am you right now, he does.”
<Jo> “That’s because you suck.”
<Anna> *Anna smiles* “I don’t remember, do I?”
<Jo> “Oh no, I think you know pretty well right now.” *Jo shakes her head, rubbing the back of her neck with a laugh*
<Anna> *Anna just smiles staring at Jo*
<Jo> “Coffee, cake. No car.”
<Anna> “I can drive while you eat your cake.”
<Jo> “/No!/”
<Anna> *Giggles*
<Jo> “You touch my sweetheart, I’ll touch yours.” *Jo teases back, sticking out her tongue*
<Anna> “But I don’t have a sweetheart.”
<Jo> “Gah! I will go, buy you something, make you enjoy it and it become important to you and /then/ touch it!”
<Anna> “That sounds dirty.”
<Jo> *Jo raises an eyebrow* “That’s really not dirty by my standards, angelcake.”
<Anna> “Clearly I have higher standards than you.”
<Jo> “/Clearly/.”
<Anna> “Jo.”
<Jo> “…What?”
<Anna> “Are we going for cake and coffee or are we going to stand about talking about touching things.”
<Jo> “…Fine, we’ll go for coffee and cake. You’re going to have to walk though.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, fiddling with her jacket buttons*
<Anna> “Why do I have to walk?”
<Jo> “Well, someone blasted a shot gun round through my car window and they’re not being exactly quick at getting it fixed.”
<Anna> “Oh well, I have coffee here, I’ll just stay in where it’s warm.”
<Jo> “…You don’t have cake do you?”
<Anna> “Yes, I make pancakes sometimes.”
<Jo> “Fine, I’ll just bring some stuff around 'nd make my own.”
<Anna> “Alright but I don’t have fire insurance.”
<Jo> “Ah ha, I’m good in a kitchen. You can ask anyone. Except my mom.  I’ll be around soonish then.”
<Anna> “The door will be unlocked.”
<Jo> *Jo hangs up and stuffs a few things into a plastic bag before heading out, glad to have already thrown on her jacket and scarf thinking they were going somewhere else. It takes a while to walk, but when she gets there she just heads in and straight towards the fridge* “Please tell me you have better than my coffee at least. I ran out of filters yesterday.”
<Anna> *Anna has the heat up for Jo as she comes in and makes a bit of a face as Jo tracks snow across the floor.* “I have some stuff from the local coffee shop down the road and I have some of that necter sweetner instead of sugar.”
<Jo> “Anything better than instant is good with me. Though that’s awesome.” *Jo kicks her shoes back towards the door as she pulls her coat and scarf off, throwing them over the back of one of the small chairs after digging out Anna’s milk, eggs and butter* “You got any particular allergies to anythin’, Anna?”
<Anna> “No, not that I know off. Do you? Is there anything I should not buy when we are out together?” *Anna takes a mop and quickly cleans up the floor before throwing a towel infront of the door to block the draft coming under it.*
<Jo> *Jo bites down a smirk at Anna’s cleaning as she unpacks her own mmixing bowls, meausring jugs and other utensils, before starting to measure out from eggs and butter before pausing* “Where’s the flour? And no I don’t, I’ll eat basically anything. The more meat the better. Or sugar. One or other.”
<Anna> *Anna chokes as is Jo makes a comment about eating meat and sort of blushes.* “I’m sure, you do and flour is to your left, top of the cabinet in the white container.”
<Jo> “…What? What the heck were you just thinking?” *Jo gives Anna’s flush a curious glance, though her lips quirk up in the hint of a smirk as she’s certain she could guess. Turning to grab the container, struggling for a second to grab it out before spinning back around to continue adding vanilla essence and a mixing up some buttermilk before mixing together, feeling about in her bag for something*
<Anna> “I wasn’t thinking anything..” *Anna leans back against the counter not being used as she watches Jo with a bit of a raised brow.* “You are far more domestic than I would have pictured you.”
<Jo> “Uh huh, then what was the blush about, Anna dear?” *Smirking still, Jo gets the limes she was after out, quickly grating the rinds into the mix* “In pretty much this one and only way.” *Finishing the batter, she grabs four spoons out of the cutlery drawer before offering two out to Anna as she gets the baking tray and cupcake liners ready* “Help me with this?”
<Anna> *Anna shakes her head* “I’m not blushing about anything!” *Taking the cupcake liners she turns around starting to seperate them out and lay them out in rows.* “So did you learn this from your mom? Did she bake for all the other hunters?”
<Jo> “Mhmm, you sure Anna? You /sure/?” *Chuckling, Jo quickly squeezes and mixes in one of the limes’ juice to the batter before begining to spoon in to the liners, leaving two of the spoons for Anna to join in* “Mom cooked for them all, but I’m not the greatest chef about the place. I always had a sweet tooth so she showed me the ropes as a kid and I’d bake while she made more substantial things.”
<Anna> “I’m totally sure. You’re the one talking about how you like your meat.” *Anna smirks as she dips a finger in the bowl quickly, tasting the batter as Jo measures it out in the cups.* “I’ve never met your mother right?” Did d she know about us?“
<Jo> "Oh that’s what that was about? Well, I am a fan of a nice piece'a meat..” *Smiling, Jo whacks the others fingers when she goes for another taste, topping up each of the cupcakes until the batter was gone other than the remainder around the edges of the bowl. Pushing it and the spoons across to Anna, Jo sprinkles a tiny bit of salt on top of each cupcake before slipping them into the oven, and sucks her fingers off* “You have actually, though she’s spending most of her time down with Bobby these days. She knew, she didn’t really approve but she doesn’t approve of a lot of things.”
<Anna> *Anna yelps as Jo whacks her fingers but then takes the bowl, licking the spoon as she shakes her head.* “Well as long as you keep your meat out of the cupcakes we are good.” *Putting the spoon the sink she runs a finger around teh bowl.* “So your mother and Bobby are a couple?”
<Jo> *Snickering, Jo turns to Anna’s cupboards and grabs another bowl for her to start the frosting* “I don’t think I would ever try to mix my two favourite things like that. …I..don’t know? Sure? They’re my mom and Bobby. They’ll let me know if anything turns serious; so I’m expecting a call any day now.” *She laughs, smiling as she mixes some butter with the icing sugar before grabbing out the bottle of tequilla from her bag*
<Anna> *Anna raises a brow as Jo get the tequilla out of the bag obviously intending it to go into the icing.* “So then your totally cool with the idea of your mom and Bobby..ya know..doing it.” *Turning around she turns on the water and begins washing the bowls so that there isn’t anything piline up.* “I guess that’s cool that you would like your step dad if they ever get married.”
<Jo> *Measuring out a little more than she thinks the reciepe quite calls for, Jo continues to beat and mix the mix as she turns to watch the other, pulling a slightly face and pausing for a sip of the drink for herself* “I’d rather not /think/ about it, but.. Bobby’s a good guy. He’s always treated me and Mom well and its not like I couldn’t have seen it comin’ eventually.”
<Anna> *Anna laughs watching Jo take a drink as she talks about marriage and step dads.* “Well still it’s good that she’s happy. How would Bobby feel about having Grey as a step son-in-law with him being a monster and all?”
<Jo> *Jo almost drops the bowl, her grip slipping for a second and catching it only at the last second as she spins back around to face the other way as she starts whisking again at double the speed* “I just want Mom to be happy, she deserves it these days…” *She studiously avoids commenting on the other’s question, flushing brightly*
<Anna> *Anna raises a brow as she dries her hands off from washing the dishes, Jo’s usually not clumsy and she sort of smirks.* “Everyone should be, I’m sore Bobby and Grey will get a long well.”
<Jo> *Setting the bowl down, Jo takes another mouthful from the tequilla bottle, hissing slightly at the taste more than the burn* “First time they met Bobby shot Grey. Course, first time my Mom met Grey she also shot /at/ him. ….Mom’d have the same issue as Bobby, probably more, about what Grey was - Bobby…was..well, he’d be a bit of a hypocrite to be angry about me bein’ with one.” *Shrugging, Jo starts to mix up the icing again, getting the mix slowly but surely more light and fluffy* “Though I don’t think they’d be ending up with any son-in-law’s at any point.”
<Anna> “Too bad, I was just thinking that with all the shootings as first meetings we could do a double shotgun themed wedding. It would be cute and I’ve helped with other weddings at my parent’s church so I could organize it.” *Anna reaches over trying to get a taste of the icing as she watches Jo.*
<Jo> “I.. …Last time this ever got mentioned, it was well known I’d be the one with a shotgun on them, and I don’t think that’s the greatest…idea. Things are just..” *Jo sighs, not stopping Anna from stealing a taste before squeezing in some of the lime juice and sprinkling in a fair two pinches of salt* “Things aren’t exactly normal, right now.”
<Anna> “Things not being normal is an understatement but as long as things have a chance to become normal then there is hope.” *Anna smiles at Jo as she takes a glass and pours herself a shot of the alcohol.* “I think it would be worth it just to see you all dressed up like a girl for once anyway.”
<Jo> “Well, I have plans. Hopefully..” *Jo pulls a face at Anna, taking the bottle back and swigging a mouthful before setting it back down again* “Next time, I’m going to wear a dress over here. Get your girly fantasies of seeing me all pretty for you out of the way.”
<Anna> *Anna snorts* “You don’t have too make a special effort on my part.” *She wonders if Jo’s going to be sober by the time the cupcakes get done.* “So besides baking and shooting things what else do you do?”
<Jo> *Measuring out a small cup of the liqiud, Jo sets it to the side as she starts to mix up the icing again carefully folding in some of the lime rind but keeps a quarter of it untouched* “Oh no no, much easier for me to wow you with my feminine charms without going through all the trouble of organising a wedding.  …I mostly do research, help out other hunters, keep tabs on the bar. Work on making new weapons and such if I’m bored, build some things sometimes, work on my car and watch tv or movies mostly.”
<Anna> “Wow, you really are a tomboy.” *Anna chuckles as she steals another taste of the icing, licking it off her fingers.* “We could go out shopping at some point, there are a couple of malls it looks like or maybe catch a movie. I’m not sure how good I would be at building weapons.”
<Jo> “At least you’re not callin’ me butch.” *Jo laughs, watching Anna before just holding the whisk out to the other woman instead as the timer on her phone goes off and she checks the cupcakes, smiling when they’re the right amount of springy to the touch* “Neither of those sound like a bad idea. Except for the weapon work, I’m not letting you near my workspace. But a movie or shopping could be fun.”
<Anna> *Taking the whisk she happily takes care of the icing as she smirks at Jo, watching the blond woman happily cook away.* “Just don’t park the car next to it and I’m sure everything would be fine.” *Steping out of Jo’s reach she turns to wash the whisk once the icing is gone.*
<Jo> *Jo makes a sharp noise at the joke, shooting the other a dirty look as she begins to brush a small amount of the alcohol over the top of each of the cupcakes until the cup she’d set to the side was empty* “Like I say, shopping or a movie. Probably much less dangerous for /everyone/.” *Smirking back at the other, Jo leans against the counter setting another alarm for when she can start icing*
<Anna> “It was just one shot and I didn’t even hurt the car that bad, it was a flesh wound.” *Anna teases her more and she grabs another drink, the tequila burning going down.* “Let me guess if we go shopping, we have to go to the gun store after the shoe store right?”
<Jo> “I guess I’m going to go ahead and paint it black with just a /hint/ of red next time then?” *Jo snickers back, continuously pressing at the top of one of the cupcakes before going to start making up her typical DIY piping bags* “Nah, I have a guy I go to for most of mine, or at least the ones I care about. Make most of my own salt rounds and order the silver and iron from him; so no gun stores necessary. …Might need to go to the comic shop or game store though, I’m trying to understand what the hell Harry goes on about more.”
<Anna> “Oh! I found the gun I want, I bet you could modify it. I was looking online and there’s one that’s pink with Hello Kitty on it and another that’s purple with a unicorn.” *Anna is saying this with a totally straight face as she watches Jo make her own piping bags, remembering her mother doing the same.* “Harry once spent a whole afternoon explaining the mechanics of a game, not sure what it was.*
<Jo> *Jo blinks back at Anna, face twisting into a horrified and disgusted look as she tries to invision that such a thing exists before shaking her head* "Ah ha, no.  But yeah, Harry’s strange. And Grey used to play a lot of video games though..I don’t know, I haven’t spotted him doing it recently but I figure its easier to learn in advance.” *Setting down the bag, she starts to cut the lime with rind into little wedges for decorating*
<Anna> *Anna bursts out into laughter at Jo’s expression as she describes the guns she saw online and she spares Jo the girly looking protection gear she saw as well.* “Those two seem like they would get a long really well, Harry really likes his games and comic books, he once spent a whole shift giving me a lecture of Marvel vs DC.”
<Jo> “Trust me, they do. Swear its like watching two teenagers, except they have very stupid thoughts that Spiderman and Iron Man are better than Batman.” *She can’t help but snicker to herself, knowing exactly what that lecture sounds like after several rounds of it with the geeky researcher. Feeling the top of the cupcakes again, she decides to just ignore her timer and start piping out icing*
<Anna> “Oh lord you are one of them too.” *Anna grins as she tries to make a grab for the first cupcake Jo finishes.* “How did Harry get into this life, he seems so far removed from someone who would be a hunter.” *Pausing she looks at Jo.* “He is human right?”
<Jo> “You thought any differently?” *Jo lets out a laugh, giggling to herself as she smacks Anna’s hand before studding the top of the icing swirl with a small slice of lime and then handing it over* “Harry’s definitely human. He and his friends were always into ghosts and they…did, you know those reality ghost hunting tv shows? They were doing one. But..online and not really popular.”
<Anna> “And just when I thought he couldn’t get any more of a geek.” *Anna takes the lime off that Jo put on there and sets it aside as she peels the paper off the cupcake and takes a bit. It’s really good even though she’s surpised how much it tastes like the drink.* “This is good Jo!”
<Jo> “Yeah well, he didn’t really appreciate my calling him and his friends hackjobs the first time we talked, but he’s actually pretty good at this stuff. Guess it sort of appeals to the geeky side, right?” *Smiling at the other’s reaction, Jo continues to make up the rest, putting a sliver of lime rind on some while wedges on others and sprinkling a small bit of salt ontop each* “Yeah? Well, I have had a lot of practice. Should have asked what you like first but..I had the stuff for these ones.”
<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything else till the cupcake is gone and she’s licking her fingers.* “Next time strawberry maybe?” *She’s relaxed and she’s really enjoyed just hanging out with Jo lately, it’s nice to have a friend again.* “Oh maybe chocolate with cherries and rum.”
<Jo> *Scrunching up the baking paper piping bag as she finishes, Jo smiles back at Anna as she tosses the sheet in the trash before picking up a cupcake herself* “I could do that. I’ve been trying to make a cherry cola rum one but haven’t quite got the right amount of cherry to cola yet. Though chocolate would probably be easier, actually.”
<Anna> “Oh chocolate and strawberries, that would be so good.” *Anna thinks the colo and cherries sounds good too.* “I’ll help you test out any thing you want to try, you can use my kitchen anytime. If you ever get out of hunting, you should open a bakery.”
<Jo> “I think you and Grey are going to be fighting over my baking now.” *Laughing, Jo makes her way through her cupcake, holding the wedge of lime in one hand as she licks up the icing before squeezing the juice over the top of the cake and eating the rest* “We’ll if we do go shopping, can always come back and try out some things after. …A bakery? That’s..a funny mental image, Anna, gotta admit.”
<Anna> “I think you could do an amazing business, do it after hours, serve these with the drink they match. And Grey can bite me, I call dibs on anything you bake.” *Anna takes the lime wedge and squeezes it onto the cake part before biting into it.*
<Jo> “Next thing you know, Harry’ll hustle in and try to get me to make themed cupcakes for things like new movies or DnD stuff.” *She chokes on a laugh at Anna saying Grey can bite her, coughing as she takes a mouthful of her own cake as she has the mental image* “I think he might have already, but you’re welcome to battle it out. Or I’ll just make seperate batches for each of you!”
<Anna> *Anna’s head snaps up as Jo says Grey already has and she has a look of panic on ehr face.* “Wait, please tell me that we haven’t he..Grey, your Grey and I ..oh my God I am the town bicycle. Did Harry and I? I thought it was just you and Gray, my Gray..” *Anna reaches for whats left in the bottle.*
<Jo> *Jo stares back at Anna before collapsing into laughing again, holding out a hand* “No! No no no! I meant he already called dibs! You’ve only been with me and your monster, and Dean but I didn’t know back then.” *She shakes her head, trying not to flush as she tries to think about any of what Anna suggested*
<Anna> “Oh thank heavens..I..just I am not like that!” *Anna blushes as Jo is laughing at her and she thinks this is karma for the car.* “You could have just said that he called dibs..”
<Jo> *Jo shrugs, still laughing to herself before her phone goes off. Looking at it confusedly and realising it was a call from a different hunter, she steals another cupcake and packs up her things - still joking with Anna and promising they’ll work out another day to hang out soon - Jo heads off towards the bar to make sure the book needed was ready for the other before heading home again*
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greyfacewhispers · 4 years
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Crowley Anna Chats
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leaper182 · 7 years
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What's a fic trope or plot you love but haven't written yet, and how would it work with nygmobblepot?
:O
Hi, Daisy!
*thinks*
*catloafs and thinks more*
Part of my trouble is that there’s tropes that I love that  I’ve written, but it’s been a long time since I wrote them? Like, I like casefic in fandoms where each episode is basically solving a crime (Law & Order, L&O: SVU, the early Dresden Files novels sort of).
And then there’s reincarnation fic that I did maybe 17-18 years ago that is lost to the bowels of the internet because my fics were removed from the archive where they were stored because I had to out myself as being underage as punishment for being stupid, and then the archivist’s computer crashed, so I lost the fics. A friend of mine had found all the fics again years later by some miracle, but then I lost them all again for some reason.
I love soulmate AUs, but I started one series that I haven’t finished (it was before I got sucked into Back to the Future, and then into Gotham).
And then there’s the Hunger Games AU, which I started in the Back to the Future fandom but didn’t finish because someone decided to be a gatekeeping ass on my comments section.
I liked vampires back when I was writing Star Trek XI fic, but I never got around to actually writing out the idea (me and a friend of mine did a bunch of chatlogs, but I don’t know if I’ve lost them permanently, or if they’re somewhere possibly accessible through Yahoo messenger).
I started the Regency AU with Nygmobblepot but I haven’t finished it because oops.
I do like arranged marriage tropes where they do it first because of Duty and Honor, but then genuinely fall in love with each other. I don’t think I’ve really done that, though in the soulmate AU I did in the Hobbit fandom, there’s kind of an unspoken, “If you’re soulmates, of course you’ll marry!” kind of attitude. But that doesn’t really carry the same kind of narrative weight, I guess? That’s more of a societal expectation rather than, “This marriage needs to happen, or else we’re in serious shit.”
So! Arranged marriage trope! With nygmobblepot, I can see it being either an AU where marriages are important for alliances and such -- maybe Regency, maybe Medieval, maybe even some weird AU where there’s still a very stratified structure to social class, or else the marriage isn’t necessary. Also, it has to be an AU where gay marriage is acceptable for legal and societal purposes -- the firstborn son inherits from the father, but a second son is married off to whoever offers the best alliance, and if the family they’re married off to doesn’t require the union to produce heirs, then they can have a same-sex marriage.
Oswald is either raised as a Van Dahl or recognized as Elijah’s heir in order to make him attractive to fortune hunters and people who are interested in alliances with the family.
Ed’s family is money-grubbing -- a bit like in The Corpse Bride, where Victor’s family are nouveau riche, and they’re trying to get the respectability of an actual title instead of being sneered at because they bought their way into their social standing. Since Ed doesn’t have anything to inherit from his parents other than the money they leave behind, it doesn’t matter that he’s a guy, he’ll be Oswald’s wife. (Maybe he has an older brother who stands to inherit everything who’s as much of an ass as their parents are, and Ed is being married off to get him out because he’s such a damn nuisance due to undiagnosed Asperger’s syndrome.)
Oswald sees Ed and will do his duty, but the more he gets to know the guy, the more attracted he is, because ooh, he’s pretty. Ed hates that he can’t choose to marry who he wants, though Oswald is understanding and not making any physical demands of him -- they have to deal with the wedding night witnesses, but other than that, Oswald is a perfect gentleman.
They find a mutual love of darkness and possible murder, fall in love, and yay happy ending. (I’m sure Kristen would be involved somewhere, but either she lives or something.)
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lajulie24 · 5 years
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Per your post about 2019 creation goals: convince my friend we won’t be murdered for our taste in rarepairs, and convert more than 2k pages of Star Wars RPG chatlogs into actual fan fic. LOL.
First of all – yay for creating things in 2019! And I have to admit, the bit about your rarepairs made me laugh out loud.
I love the idea of turning your RPG chatlogs into actual fic. I mean, some of my favorite fics have been born out of headcanon or “what if this happened” conversations with others, and what are RPG logs but a bit more of that?
Of course, the actual writing of it can be more challenging. I’m trying to remind myself to use what Anne Lamott calls the “one-inch picture frame” – you only are writing what you can see through your one-inch picture frame, not the whole giant project at once. And you’ll do the first inch, and the next, and the next, until you have written your thing. Because an abundance of ideas/content is sometimes more daunting than not having enough ideas.
Happy writing, and feel free to pop into my inbox if you want to chat more about your 2019 plans (or your progress on them). And thanks for the ask!
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Chat thibg
Grey I think he’s also uncomfortable because in this episode it shows Jo with black eyes.  And now he’s going to go drink like he hasnt in a while. Gray’s always happy when Grey’s upset
Grey And there’s those eyes
Jo Hiya demon!Jo!   ….The real question is has he actually seen Abandon All Hope before in its full LOL  …he really hasnt gone and had a drink in a while has he. Oh dear. LOOOOOL That’s very very true
Grey Yes.  >_> He doesnt like it.  At all. No he hasnt, not for a while.
Jo …Its a sad moment when its one of Jo’s favourites because she’s proud of herself right up until Ellen stays and she dies before she can do her duty… But yeah makes sense he doesnt like it.  ….The poor thing. You shouldnt have let me be mean!
Grey Grey hates the episode from start to finish and really really dislikes Sam and Dean during it.  And Cas. He deserved it, he’s starting his punishment early
Jo ….what on…get him to explain that because what….    LOL Well…glad to help then? *pets him and points him towards Jo’s stash*
Grey Because Sam and Dean drag Jo along in his opinion then Dean is the reason she gets hurt and it was their plan.  As far as Cas it’s because had he not “gotten himself trapped like a stupid shit” he’d have been able to heal her and take her and Ellen out of there when it got bad.  Oh no he knows not to touch her stuff, he’ll get his own
Grey And by drag Jo along he doesnt mean against her will
Grey He means like she gets caught up in their wake of self destruction and bad luck
Jo Jo would hiss at the idea of someone saying she gets caught up in other people’s things and she didn’t go because she wanted to. But I guess that makes sense. *gives him a chocoate for adding ‘and Ellen’*  He;s more than welcome to it, not like she’d notice/not just think she had it without realsing
Grey Grey knows she wanted to go but he also knows if the Winchesters had never crossed paths with her she’d have never gone on that suicide mission. He added Ellen because he knows Jo would have gone no where without her mom.  …. How much does Jo drink that her entire stash could be gone without her realizing she drank it?
Jo He should know that if she had never crossed paths with them she’d either have been a depressed little bar maid or gotten herself killed on her first hunt.  True true. ….well she’d notice the entire stash gone, but she’s got a lot of the same stuff or rather she’s got a lot of whiskey, scotch, rum and vodka and never knows how much she has of what and wouldn’t be surprised to find a fair few
Jo empty ones because she only tends to go restock when she’s out of everything
Grey That’s true but during AAH, Grey really doesnt care about anything but the fact the “Winchester Curse” is getting Jo killed just because she’s around them.  Grey would empty out her stash as he is right now
Jo …Well now Jo’s just pouting because eavesdroppers never here things they want to blondie!  Well best he not touch hers then
Grey LOL why is she pouting?
Jo Because… …she was really proud of herself uring that time. Like really /really/ proud of herself. …If Ellen had just unlocked the doors, given her the fuse and ran, Jo would have actually died happy that time. Because she was doing what she was supposed to do, what she’d always wanted to do, ever since she was a little girl and she was finally getting to do it and be treated like a mature
Jo adult and so she was really happy, honestly. The only thing that made her unhappy was that she was too useless to be able to do it herself fully.
Jo (Which meant Ellen died which she didn’t want at all)
Grey She always wanted to die for a cause?
Jo …she wanted to be a hero like her dad.
Jo She wanted to be treated like an equal and an adult and die saving people like her dad di.
Jo Die fighting too..
Grey That’s horrible
Jo You thought it wouldn’t be? This is Jo we’re talking about.
Grey Not the treated like the equal part the fact she’s always wanted to die for something
Grey See this is why Grey panicked
Jo *nodnod*
Grey She was all set to do it again
Jo Jo… wants to be like her dad, she wants him to be proud of her. That’s pretty much the one thing that almost everything can eventually be drawn back to by playing the ‘why’ game.
Jo *nodnod* Course she was.
Grey Now Grey is /pissed/ and having a fit
Jo LOL …whats he pissed and having a fit at?
Grey He cant stand the martyring
Grey Grey doesnt think dying makes you a hero if you go around seeking death he thinks it makes you stupid
Grey And selfish and a lot of other unpleasant adjectives he’s loudly yelling
Grey (remember that was one of the problems he had with Anna?  How she was all holier than thou about her being willing to get herself killed for anyone and everyone)
Jo Jo would like to clarify she’s not /seeking/ death and never has been trying to /die/; just… be something that she can be proud of in herself and that she thinks her dad would be proud of - its not about thinking the dying makes a hero but the motivations and the reasons behind whatever actions you make, whether you do die or not. She just wasn’t afraid of the dying. And now she’s pouting and
Jo sulking even more.   (Thats very true - though the difference is that Anna is holier than thou about it and preachy over it, while Jo is just 'if I die, I die; what matters is X’ where X isn’t 'that you wont’)
Grey Grey’s saying she’s fooling herself by saying she doesn’t go out seeking death, that all hunters do one way or another and if she really wants to do her dad’s memory justice she won’t keep throwing her life away like it’s nothing.  (Yeah but it’s still reminding Grey of the unpleasantness he had with her)
Grey Grey honey it’s kind of pointless to argue with her about this when you’ve already temporarily dampened the part you dont like
Jo Jo’s saying that if that’s his opinion than she should just stay at home and /do/ nothing; that he knows her better than to think she /wants/ to die given he knows where she /thinks/ she’s going and that he 'doesn’t understand!’ and getting huffy.  (True true. Poor Grey) It really kind of is, but… and thats cool
Grey He says doesnt want her to do nothing, he wants her to not take chances and not go running headfirst into dying.  And he says no he doesnt understand and he won’t ever understand how she thinks that it could ever be fine to die if she thinks she’s headed downstairs.  I’m still sorry about that, something started glitching and it was not beeping me or doing any sounds.
Grey (And the first song I get to hear after fixing sound is Heavy in Your Arms nice one playlist)
Jo She’s saying that she’s not and not going to, that he’s made himself perfectly clear in past and she’s not going to be so 'to use his word - stupid!’; And that that isn’t what he doesn’t understand.         (That’s cool hun, honest *hugs* dammit playlist)
Grey Grey’s asking then what is she talking about because there’s a lot of things he doesn’t understand about Jo and while he loves some of those things he really doesnt know what to do with the other ones.  (*hugs* Appropriate time to play it though)
Jo She’s saying that he doesn’t understand about family, the way it is with human’s - or at least not the way it is to her and that he might think he does, but he doesn’t get it and he doesn’t understand or otherwise he wouldn’t think that she’s throwing her life away trying to be something for her dad. And that she’s sorry if that was snippy but..  (It really really was.)
Grey He’s saying he doesnt think her dad would have wanted her to get hurt for him if her mother’s attitude is anything to go by about how family is treated.  But she’s right and he doesn’t understand about family or people because he’s not either. (*Trying to shush Grey because he’s putting his foot in it* this is why you do not just drink and drink silly monster*)
Jo Jo says that he didn’t know her dad and she’s a great deal more like him that her mom. That her mom never liked her dad hunting the same as she’s never liked Jo doing it, and that she’s not /trying/ to get hurt or die or whatever else for him - she’s trying to do what she thinks he would have done from what she remembers him of being like. And that it’s okay that he doesn’t understand and it
Jo 'doesn’t really matter much really’.  (Oh Grey, you silly little thing you.)
Grey Grey’s saying if her dad was a person who wanted her to go out and get hurt for his sake or the sake of pride he wouldnt have liked him. (Meanwhile Gray is watching with great interest)
Jo She’s huffing and saying that that wasn’t the kind of person her dad was either! That her dad was strong and brave and treated people right and he wanted her to be safe and able to protect herself and other’s. And that’s what she’s doing, protecting herself and other people who can’t protect themselves.  (LOL Why so? What’s he interested in mostly of what is thinging?)
Grey Grey moving into a silence and having some more drinks.  (He thinks there’s an explosion immenient somewhere in here and that sooner or later Grey or Jo is going to trip the switch and he’s going to get to see fireworks)
Jo Jo’s huffing again and muttering that he would have liked him.  (Of course he does…Whose he putting money on triping it?)
Grey Grey’s saying her dad never would have liked him because he’s a monster and he’s with his little girl.  "That’s like two big no no. First no no is touching his daughter and then second is being something he’d hunt in the dark.“ (Grey.  he thinks Grey is going to say something stupid.)
Jo Jo’s shaking her head and saying that she meant /Grey/ would have liked him. “Might have been his little girl but I was his only one and he only ever wanted me to be happy, whatever that meant - hunting, baking, riding on his knee and driving the wheel..”  (LOL …I never know with these two)
Grey Grey’s saying saying it would have been a mutual dislike because her dad probably would have shot him.  And he doesnt mind getting shot over Jo but it’s hard not to take it hard when that happens. (Grey is getting to where he’s noticably being effected by the alcohol now)
Jo Jo is making a hand for his bottle and saying that if he thinks someone like her’s something that he 'doesnt mind’ being shot over then he’s in no position to comment over what she’s willing to get hurt over or was willing to. “Whichever.”  (This should be an amusement)
Grey Grey’s shaking his head and saying getting shot isnt going to mortally wound him, usually and that it’s unpleasant but not anything he can’t fix quick.  Jo can’t just mend bones if she hurt herself. And he’s moving so the bottle is furher out of her reach/sight. (Stupid thing)
Jo She’s saying she damned well can, it just takes her a little longer than the 'rest’ of them, and that she used to have a /lot/ more scars than she has now that she’d be able to completely prove it to him that she can 'recover’ eventually, mostly. And that doesn’t change the fact he’s seemingly dumb enough to wear himself out over her, so her point still remains, and that he should maybe put the
Jo bottle down.
Grey Grey says she can’t have his bottle because it’s his.  And that maybe he was a little self-destructive there, so that’s exactly his point those kind of things are problematic for everyone.  And he’s sorry for being stupid.
Jo Jo’s saying shes not asking for his bottle just that he should put it down for a bit; that that was stupider than any of her own old habits and that the closest she’d gotten any time recently to anything quite that stupid was… not anything anywhere near that crazy. And how she doesn’t understand it’s alright for him to do something like that, yet he hates the idea that she’s slightly sacrificial
Grey Grey says it’s not alright, it was dumb and he knows it and he doesnt want Jo making the same error.
Jo She says that that just because someone wants something doesn’t mean it’s going to happen and snapping her fingers for the bottle.
Grey Grey’s mumbling he doesnt get why Jo doesnt want him to want her to be safe and that noooooo she can’t have it
Jo Jo is huffing that it’s not hi-… that he can want that all he wants but it doesn’t mean he’d get it the way he wanted it if he got it at all. And that he’s to hand it over or she’ll take it from him and drink whatever is left of it.
Grey Grey says fine take it, he’ll just get more
Grey You need bed Jesse
Jo Jo’s grumbling and setting it away from him regardless. She’s also muttering something about people drinking alone
Jo I’, good, its a Friday and tomorrow I dont have to get upa t all
Grey Grey’s got another full bottle and says he’s never alone while he’s in a meatsuit. (WAY TO BE CREEPY GREY)
Grey Are you sure?
Jo She’s pouting. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. And that she doesn’t want to think about that… she doesn’t have a word for Jack. (LOL CREEP FACTOR LEVEL MAXIMUM)
Jo wow, that was a misplace hands too far to the right, I’m sure - no work, no uni, no picking people up. Sleep in day.
Grey “But see I can never drink alone.  And asshole is the word you’re looking for.” (How creeped out does that make Jo?) Okay just tell me when you get sleepy and I will put this drunk monster to bed
Jo “Unless you’re talking to him while you’re drinking, it’s still alone.  I don’t even think that quite… just… He’s more loathesome than your brother, Grey! And put that… put that away.”  (A fair bit if only because she doesnt like Jack and she is often quite worried about what he must say and think and annoy Grey with)  No problemo c:
Grey “We can talk in here, I just don’t like to.  It’s not like he does anything but curse me for hijacking him.  You want me to call him a monster? Why?” (Of course she doesnt.  And yeah usually Grey ignores him unless it’s something about Jo then he walls him off)
Jo “Yeah well, it’s better for everyone that he’s in there the fuckin’ ..nrgh! I liked it better when you were being insensetive about my dad than talking about that ….that despicable excuse for a human being. He is a monster, of his own damn makin’. And because!”  (*nodnod* I’m guessing 75% bitching at grey 15% bitching about Jo and 10% other cruel remarks?)
Grey “I was being insensitive?  I’m sorry. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, which is why he’ll never get his life back. Because why?” (Yep.  Accurate breakdown)
Jo “You’re drinking, you get /some/ leway.. Though you’re going to have to learn that my dad’s one of those things you don’t understand you’re either gonna have to love or just not try to work out what to do 'bout.  …sound about right. Fine! You drink away then!”
Grey “I’m not loving anything that gets you blown up.  Are you mad?” (He turns into an annoying four year old when he’s drunk with the questions)
Jo “Technically I was dead before then, it was mom who died in the explosion..  I’m not mad.” (LOL he does. It’s cute in a 'oh god here we go’ way)
Grey “…. Okay I’m not loving anything that gets you mauled by a hellhound and gets your mom blown up.  Really?”
Jo “I thought you…nevermind.  Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.”
Grey “Thought I what?  Tell meeeeeeee”
Jo “I said nevermind, not important. ….god you’re ridiculous when you’re drunk.”
Grey “No tell me.  Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”
Jo “I thought you.. Well, I was what got me mauled by a hellhound and got my mom blown up, so I thought.. it’s unimportant. And I’m not mad, and you’re still ridiculous.”
Grey “No that’s not… I mean the impulse not you.  I still love you just not the part of you that wants to get you hurt and thinks you’re not worth anything.”
Jo “It wasn’t an impulse…it was the right thing to do…”  (I love how awkward Jo just completely got)
Grey “Nothing that hurts you like that could have been the right thing to do.  What’s the matter?” (Because of the “I love you”?)
Jo “…you don’t know what could have happened if that hadn’t occured though, Grey. …who knows what would have happened, I heard from Dean what he saw the future to look like and he hadn’t heard any news of what happened to /me/ in that world…  Nothing’s the matter.” (Yeah, though she got awkward a little bit the second she said 'I thought you..’ because she knew where her brain was going and
Jo made her slightly awkward then a little more awkward until the “I still lvoe you” really hit the top point thus far)
Grey “But how can something that hurts you be the right thing?  Okay.” (Did she really think he didn’t love her?)
Jo “Because I’m just one person…the right thing doesn’t always benefit the person doin’ it, you have to weigh one person’s life against the future of mankind…and in that? I don’t think I’d come out on top.” (No, but she was half joking and then realised she was serious and then realised what she was saying.)
Grey “You would if I was making the choice.” (She can comfort herself with the fact he loves her.  He doesnt understand her sometimes and he gets frustrated but he loves her, also drunk Grey is painfully honest)
Jo “Grey!” (She’s more just gaping at him not quite sure how to feel about the idea he’d pu her above the future of the whole of mankind.  But that’s slightly comforting, that even if she frustrates him and he doesnt understand her all the time he does anyway)
Grey “I know, I’m terrible and evil and a monster for saying it.  Not a good guy.” (*nods* Understandably. Yeah even when he’s spitting mad at her he loves her)
Jo “I..don’t think you would. And I don’t think you’re any of that. Just.. I didn’t expect..” (She’s just blinking at him and if he didn’t smell like a gin joint and wasn’t acting so weird she’d kiss him for it even if it is not what she wants to hear.  LOL True true. ….he ever get the same 'sometimes I want to choke you’ feelings about Jo that everyone else gets?)
Grey “I would pick you though.  I know me, there’s a reason I’m a monster.  I would pick your safety over an earthful of strangers.”  (Awwww. He wants to cuddly but realizes she doesnt want to be close to him because of the smell so he hasnt moved to.  Not exactly. I mean he does, just not for the same reason Anna does)
Jo “But…you like people, you don’t want to be a monster, you want to do the good thing, the right thing..right? So you wouldn’t. Even if.” (Ah, she’ll move in a second to cuddle so long as he doesnt screw up and upset her.  Yeah everyone gets it for different reasons.)
Grey “I do, I mean I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t try to hurt someone on purpose.  But I’m still not good. I’ll always be a monster. I would pick you.” (Incoming screw up probably.  And he’s getting so sad right now because now he thinks he is evil and it’s making him look like a sad puppy)
Jo “You’re good to me… Even if you say you’d pick me, even though you know I wouldn’t want you to. Stop sayin’ that you’re not good, Grey, there’s no reason to look like that..” (Yellow alert, yellow alert.. )
Grey “I just want you to be safe and happy.  That’s all.” (At least he’s not guzzling booze anymore just kind of toying with the bottle)
Jo “Do I look unhappy or unsafe..? …… *Jo snatches his bottle away setting it away before settling across and ontop of him* ..There, now do I look anything but what you want?” (Well, there goes his booze away in exchange for a lap and armfuls of female. …she’s clever. very clever Jo..)
Grey “No.” *Grey bites his lip putting his arms around her and burying his head against her shoulder* “But how do I keep you this way without doing something wrong?” (His heart is breaking)
Jo *Pulling her hair to the side and curling into him, she rests he head against his, smiling* “Forty-two..” (Poor thing..)
Grey *Grey stays there with her in his arms, wondering how much she’ll hate him when she finds out what he did to her*
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CHAT:
#1 after the Whispering removed
Following on from Anna telling Jo to get over it, Jo making a comment about how Anna had her changed by someone who hates her while Jo was changed by someone who claimed to love her.
*Anna rolls her eyes* “Right because doing something out of hate is teh same as doing it out of love.”
“It’s /better/ than doing it out of love with the amount of damage that happens.”
“So should I be screaming at you for what you did to me?”
“I always thought you should have. Though really it was out of love for my mother, not you, that I did what I did.”
*Anna shrugs* “I don’t even know what you did, just heard in passing something about crazy pills and you. It just seems like everyone hurts everyone else for their own good is part of teh normal. Why are you so upset?”
“I got given the option of drugging you like you had been in past, or my mother would be facing the same wrath that the rest of us have from Crowley. It wasn’t for your own good, or at least not mostly.” *Jo shakes her head, not quite sure how to explain it* “I’m upset because.. because this is completely against what I’ve been told in past from hi- it.”
“Do you love him?”
“I… ….I don’t even know if what I’m feeling right now is what I feel or what I’ve been made to feel any more…”
“What did he do to you?”
“It-He changed the way I think, about how I view myself when it comes to hunting and stuff. Made me more careful and cautious and less likely to be selfless in situations. But I don’t actually know if that’s /all/ he’s done - given he made me forget he did it before. Could have done it before with something else without my knowing.”
*Anna tries to not smile* “Gee can’t imagine how that feels at all.”
“And you’re not upset about it..?” *Jo frowns back at her, not liking the almost amused tone*
“I don’t know. Should I be?” *Anna run her hand through her hair* “If Grey had asked you to not do something dangerous would you have not done it?”
“I would be if I were you and everything had been tweaked. Though maybe not remembering that it has other than what people say is a bit easier..  Of course I wouldn’t, I told him that when he asked. It’s not the way I am, and he’s known that for months. He’s never tried to actually stop me doing what I thought was necessary before.”
“You kind of strike me as the type that tells her mom she’s not eating a cookie from the jar and then walks out of the kitchen with them in her pocket.”
“Well in that circumstance - so long as I didn’t have a cookie in my mouth - I’d be telling the truth..”
“but then as soon as you get in the other room you eat them.”
“But then they’d be from my pocket, not the jar. It’s a simple matter of getting the words right… Really important, sometimes.”
“Being told to not eat cookies before dinner and saying your not, only to turn around a min later to do it is still wrong. Splitting hairs doesn’t make a real difference. I just think that for Grey to do something that drastic there must have been a good reason behind it.”
“Always was a little worthless telling me not to eat before dinner - I eat far too much.” *Jo sighs and glares at the other making a reasonable argument* “The good reason being that he could? Or that he didn’t trust me? Or he had some crazy feeling that I was going to do something crazy? He did it because he was paranoid and he could.”
“Rightttt….”
“What would /you/ think a good reason for altering a part of someone you claim to care abouts personality would be? Completely and against their will, and then making them forget that you did until such a time as you see fit to change them /back/?”
“I think if it was a matter of life and death it would be different. But running out infront of a car to get to the other side of the street because it gets you to your objective faster is a bit different than waiting to cross at the light when it really doesn’t change anything.”
“Do I really seem the type whose stupid enough to run infront of a car to get across the street? Maybe if there was only a distinct amount of time I had to cross the road, but otherwise..”
“You seem that impatient, yes.”
“Well, I wouldn’t. Usually. And that just pisses me off if that’s what he thin-thought.”
“Well you can always take up my answer to everything, icecream. It’s kind of hard to be angry with brain freeze.”
“I mostly hit the bars, hit or kill something, bake something or go curl up on the couch wit- …”
“With?”
“With someone who calms me down.”
“Talk to him about it, if you two love each other then it’s worth putting aside your anger and forgiving him Jo.”
“You don’t make the people you love change, Anna.”
“No you change because you love them.”
“By that logic then neither of us love the other.”
“And maybe that’s why he felt the need to do what he did.”
“…I’m not following.”
“You wouldn’t change or meet him in the middle..I mean I don’t know Grey that well but he just doesn’t seem like the one that do that on whim.”
“…I wouldn’t have thought so either, but honestly, what do I even know. Can’t remember how we became friends, seen him acting more and more out of character - or at least more like his siblings. I don’t even know any more.  …I didn’t need to meet him in the middle or change though! I wasn’t doing anything that would have prompted me to need to.”
“Because you’re just so great at understanding people right?”
“… point.”
“Just talk to him. You don’t want to end up alone. It sucks and from what I’ve seen you’re still you.”
“I don’t /want/ to talk to him! I’m furious at him and I don’t want to blow up or shoot or burn hi- things. He did something..really really wrong, you might not get it but our entire friendship has been based on mutual /trust/ and he obviously doesn’t trust me and now I don’t trust him.   …I am fine on my own. You on the other hand…”
“So you’re friendship is different to any other friendship? I thought they were all based on mutual trust.”
“Not always. I’ve got friends I know I can’t trust and they know they can’t trust me and it works out just fine..”
“That’s called having an acquaintance not a friend.”
“…You don’t get it. And I don’t want to talk to him right now.”
“How do I not get it? Because you have an idea that isn’t the same as the rest of the world? I do get it. You don’t bend to anyone or anything. You have a totally different idea of what a friend, you haven’t acted like one since I started talking to you and you just get mad and defensive. I never said go right now and talk to him, I just said talk to him.”
“You don’t get how damn stupid this entire thing makes me! I thought that we trusted one another, when obviously we don’t, and I’ve just…  I apologise then, seriously.  ..I don’t want to.”
“God, everyone here so fucking prideful. You know what, stay pissed. Don’t talk to him, save your fucking pride and everything that makes you a special snowflake and live alone. I don’t care. I don’t know why I even talk to any of you. Being an adult means doing things you don’t want too.” *Anna storms off*
#2 - Anna continues with the “You did this to yourself” argument/blaming everything on Jo
Hows Anna doing in deciding if she wants to talk to Gray yet still?
she doesn’t know but shes okay with talking
*nodnod* That’s progress, right?
maybe lol
hows Jo?
Jo’s more mopey than angry, been eating frosting since her bakings been burning, and just very weird. So progress lololol
awwwwww
Anna thinks Jo should still get over it
Understandable.   Jo’s not sure its something you can ‘get over’, and she’s feeling sort of really bad for treating Anna like she had about not remembering things or being freaked out.
“okay let me put it this way. How many other people are you going to find that’s going to put up with your ass? And willing to go to such extremes because he cares?”
“Probably none, with all things considered. But going to extremes isn’t a very good thing, especially when it restricts someone you’re supposed to care abouts freedoms.”
“You should know all about going to extremes from what I hear.”
“What is it you hear then?”
“Careless, reckless, gets the job done but is sloppy.”
“Doesn’t mean I effect anyone but myself usually”
“You effect everyone that cares for you, idiot. Grey most off all.”
“I haven’t died since the last time, I think I’m doing okay, so maybe I just dont get why people are worrying”
“……………. maybe Grey should have tweeked your IQ level when he was in there.”
“Why? I have…barely even gotten close yet again. I don’t get why it effects everyone that cares about me how I do my job, because the job gets done and I get out mostly unscathed. I’m not a complete moron, I don’t take on what I can’t do myself.”
“Do you even hear yourself? You judge things as being okay by how close or not close you get? That mentality worries every, you aren’t a cat, you don’t get nine lives.”
“Maybe not, but I’m on my second one, so who knows maybe I am. I judge it that way because..well, that;s the easiest way to. I might break some bones one hunt, I’m not dead. I might get a concussion or have a large amount of blood loss, but I’m not dead. I’m still moving, I’m still breathing, I’m fine.”
“And what happens when you don’t care about being dead anymore?”
“I keep doing the same thing I’m already doing until I’m not any more?”
“and what about the people you leave behind”
“People die all the time.. you learn to live with it.”
“You learn to live with it? Have you ever mourned anyone as an adult? Not as a kid?”
“Not I’m guessing in the way you’d mean.”
“then think about that, and I’m going to guess Grey and Gray have a longer life than us..”
“Uh… longer than me, that’s for sure.”
“So they get to the time you have..and then Grey gets to mourn you for the rest of his life and if you act careless, you’re taking time away from him.”
“Are you applying this same theory for yourself? You realise you somehow got the most psychotic, murderous, uncaring creature I’ve ever met to feel something for the first time ever and you’re not even trying to patch things over or work out the kinks or help him get over the woman he fell in love with?”
“Turning this on me isn’t a good way to get out of this conversation and he’s not the only one trying to get over tht other woman. But the point is I plan on being around whenever the time is right for us to talk if at all again.”
“Sure it is, I’d much rather talk about you than me. I’m not /planning/ on dying.”
“You aren’t doing anything to make anyone feel assured by that claim either.”
“Why not? I don’t want to die. How is that not reassuring?” (sorry was making lunch)
“Just..never mind you’ve never been in the place where you have to worry about someone. I don’t know how to make you relate.”
“I try not to worry about others anymore. I swear it aged my mother ten years and then another ten after.”
“Clearly.”
“Course that’s a lie though.. I worried about the..other Anna? Is that what I should call you, er, her, um..”
“I don’t know and you cared enough to hurt her. So..”*Anna shrugs*
“That was a case of caring about my /mother/ more so than my not caring about her.”
“Is all conversations like this? With Grey? You justifying your actions with the attitude that you’re in total control and not at fault at all?”
“I’m not saying I wasn’t at fault there, I very very clearly was - but I was saying that I worried about her before. A lot.  …I dunno. Probably?”
“And you wonder why he just did something like that?”
“I told him I wouldn’t lie to him and say I wouldn’t do something reckless in order to get rid of Crowley…”
“And the rest of the time?”
“…I’m not going to promise not to put myself in danger to save others.”
“What about because it’s a rush and there’s no one in danger?”
“Sometimes if you don’t rush to get the job done, it’ll get out of reach and then someone could get hurt or worse later.”
“Do you really hunt to save people or do you do it because like simply like it?”
“…Why can’t it be both? Why’s everyone seperate them out as the only answers. I want to save people, I want to help people and I like to do both those things, but, yeah, I like hunting outside of that as well.”
“Because you hide behind saving people like a shopping addict hides behind needing just one more top or it was on sale.”
“Well I don’t. I want to stop other people losing their families, I want to do something which makes me happy too.”
“Sure..but maybe you should start by saving Grey’s only family first.” *Anna walks off*
#3 -Scene right before Jo called Grey back to talk for the first time after the Whispering (and when Anna ends up sleeping over while Jo talks to Grey)
*After the last few excursions out of town repeatedly the last week, it had slipped her mind about having broken the coffee pot and running out of instant before the last demon chase; and with her sleep not being anywhere near as peaceful as normal, she’d headed into town for an after-dinner coffee run to get her through the night. Though as she got to the footpath in front of the house and spots Anna sitting on the stoop, Jo starts to regret getting a take away option or three.* “Hey… what are you doing here?” *Moving past the other, Jo juggles the drinks holder while unlocking and opening the door with the other*
*Anna hasn’t had a good night since she last spoke to Gray and she doesn’t know what to do, she feels lost as to how to handle him and everything else. Jo seems to know her as well as Gray and she knows him so she had put on her coat and headed over to the house she was staying in. When no one answered she checked around back, still seeing the car so she had sat down waiting on the steps. Jo returning fairly soon was a good thing as it’s getting cold now fast when the sun goes down and she stands as Jo walks past her holding her coffee.* “I..wanted to talk. Is it okay to come in?”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” *Jo steps back against the door, holding it open and waving Anna in, tossing her keys haphazardly onto the small cabinet against the staircase in the hall, not caring when it slides down the back. She’s got time to get them later* “..So… whats up?”
*Anna walks inside looking around, she isn’t sure how to start or what to even say at first so when they move into what she guesses is the living room she bites her lip.* “I talked to Gray, my Gray and well yours too but it’s more about what my Gray said that sort of made me realize everything and just let me start off by saying. I’m sorry for my attitude and everything.”
*Jo nods in understanding when Anna talks about talking to the shadows, though she doesn’t hide her surprise at Anna having talked to the both of them that well. Sitting down, she sets her drinks on the table in front of her before kicking a few things off of the rest of the sofa for Anna as she grabs a drink* “Anna, no apology needed. Honestly, I’m starting to get a bit of an idea about your perspective, so.. it’s okay. Like I said first time we re-met - forgive and forget. Though, gotta ask, what’d he say that’s…” *Jo waves her free hand as though to encompass everything and Anna, raising an eyebrow*
*Anna sits down looking around, raising a brow at the holes in the ceiling.* “Gray, told me what happened. What all I did to him. I guess I finally got it, watching him talking about it. I don’t know what to do about it now.”
*Taking a large mouthful of her drink as Anna raises her eyebrow, Jo shrugs a shoulder* “He told you everything? Start to finish? Or just about..what ended up making things tense between, well, most of us?”
“About Crowley and what happened in the last few weeks. I already knew about like how he and I met. Gray’s been upfront about things I’ve been asking.” *Anna leans back letting out a sigh.* “Everyone seems so miserable now. It’s not fair that you all live with it and I can’t remember it.”
“Right, well.. things were hard at that time for everyone - you can’t really be blamed for reacting to such a change like you did. Lord knows how most people would handle it.” *Anna’s comment about everyone being miserable gets a laugh out of her, shaking her head* “It’s not your fault if people are any more; and last time I ran into Gray he seemed in a pretty good mood actually.”
“Probably because he was without me. I don’t get it, why he even wants to be friends. I said some really shitty things to him it seems and I just don’t get why any of you have tried to talk to me. At least Grey is clear, we aren’t friends.”
“Because? We’re all fucked up and who the hell else is going to put up with our crazy asses?” *Jo lets out another laugh, a tad more bitter sounding than the last one, before shaking her head and shifting to kick off her boots* “Because in our own way we - I mean me and your monster - love you, same as you do us, and it’s sorta easy to take the hits after a while?  …yeah, I’d have guessed that would be pretty clear enough..” *She takes another gulp of her drink, glad it’s cool enough not to scald her mouth as though it’ll wash away the topic of the other monster, before leaning over to set it on the coffee table*
“Love isn’t supposed to be about taking hits. If it’s toxic and it sounds like ours was then you purge it.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she looks at Jo.* “Grey’s hiding out in churches, it’s where I ran into him.”
“Sure it is, Bobby always says that family, love, whatever, it’s not supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be hard and you’re goin’ to get beat down with it sometimes. That’s just how it goes.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder before shooting Anna a look. Turning away after a beat, she adds quietly* “Yippee for him.. …he.. …is he alri- not acting like his brother?”
“Besides looking like he kicked a puppy he seemed fine. We talked for a while before I wore my welcome out.  He really doesn’t seem the type to go out and pick up girls.” *Anna smiles some and she looks at Jo feeling awkward.* “I don’t know how to make any of this right with anyone. What should I do?”
“I meant more eating /people/. …don’t care if he decides to go out and do whatever else.” *Jo shrugs, tucking her feet up under her and shifting on the couch. Anna’s question though startles her, not having expected the other to really want her opinion  “Well, things are pretty right with me. We bicker, we fight, we don’t really apologise much and we just hang out. And you’ve never been friends with Grey, so it doesn’t really… count.  As for Gray…”
“Gray I don’t know what to do the most, I hurt him bad it seems and he’s still hurting over it I think. He wants to just take it slow. He out right said that’s why he put conditions that he knew I would never agree with.” *Anna sighs as she thinks about what Jo said about them bickering and so she reaches over and takes on of the cups of coffee for herself.*
*Jo makes an outraged squeak when Anna grabs one of her cups, before shaking her head* “Yeah, I didn’t think his…well, what I broke up was likely to be something you’d be alright with. Do you not want to take it slow though? What’s the issue? If you guys aren’t sleeping together and going to try for friends, then I guess both of you being yourselves is a good thing.”
“I don’t mind taking it slow, but I think by slow he means just be friends.  I don’t even know why, just you and him provoke the strongest feelings. And yea, basically he wanted to be free to do what he wanted too and when I said fine I get too as well he didn’t like it.” *Anna takes the top off the coffee, blowing on it before taking a sip.*
“Probably does, to begin with.. He’s bad at - heads up, its a double - being ‘just friends’. …probably as bad as I am.” *She laughs quietly to herself at the attempt at a joke, nodding though at Anna’s comments* “That would probably be because you and I were really close, friends, hunting partners, actual partners of sorts. And Gray… well, it’s like you both just connected. Really strongly. As for the not liking that kind of stuff, yeah, just..not in their nature to be alright with that.”
“I just don’t know where to start to make things up to Gray, he tried really hard to not be mad at me but he’s still hurting and I don’t want him to look at me and constantly be reminded of the bad things.” *Anna sighs before looking at Jo and then looking around at the house.* “Are you and Grey over with for good?”
“Just… well, you don’t think he’s any of the stuff you told him do you? That he’s said you said, I mean.” *Jo raises an eyebrow at Anna before tilting her head at the question, leaning over to grab her drink before shifting back and taking a few sips as though considering things* “I dunno. Haven’t spoken since he broke the news and went. …I doubt so, though.”
*Anna shakes her head quickly.* “For someone that’s supposed to be an evil monster, Gray tries really hard to be there and no, I don’t think he’s like his brother or that he’s weak.”
“All you have to do is keep feeling that around him then. Treating him like how you, like I dunno, feel he is. He’ll pick up on it.” *Jo shrugs again, relaxing back again and pulling the lid off her coffee to lick the frothy underside before tossing the plastic away and continuing to sip from the open cup* “Honestly, even I acknowledged he was a good guy for you. One of the reasons I agreed not to kill him, and didnt hand him over to his brother when Crowley gave him to me..”
“But this isn’t about if he’s good for me. I don’t think I’m good for him.” *Anna looks down at the partially drank coffee in her hands as she sighs.* “I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I feel like I keep doing it. He practically lets me get away with anything even though it annoys him or he doesn’t like it. I don’t know what to do to make him happy.”
“Yeah well, you’re good for him too. He’s less deadly when he’s been with you, he’s a lot less aggressive and definitely seems more happy than giant-jerk-asshole-dickish all the time.” *Jo lets out a small laugh at just how serious Anna seems to be feeling and how bogged down* “I’d say sex, but that’s kind of against the going slow idea.  ….try to pump up his confidence a bit, maybe.”
“How? It’s not like we date or anything and like you said sex isn’t a going slow method of things.” *She can’t help but feel frustration coming on as she doesn’t know what Gray likes or doesn’t like and the main things he seems to really enjoy she isn’t exactly a fit partner for.*
“It’s not like any of us actually do dates, though lord knows what he think would be an appropriate one.” *Jo raises an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side* “You’re the expert on friends out of us Anna.. How did you make your friends feel better before… everything?”
“I don’t see Gray as the box of chocolate and a spa trip sort of guy to make him feel better.” *Anna snorts at the suggestion of what she remembers for her other friends before this life and then the church.* “And a prayer circle is I’m sure totally out of the question.”
“Never know, he’s got a twisted sense of humor.” *Jo tries not to laugh at Anna’s suggestions, the mental images sure to haunt her for a while. Tilting her head to the side, she tries to think of something that could be helpful* “Well.. all I can think is he likes sex, killing girls and his razors. I’d try to think of his hobbies but that sort of sums them up.”
“Yes, take him to a spa and have the heated stone massage he can kill the girl and then relax in the steam room. Sounds like a plan to me.” *Anna can’t help the sarcasm in her voice as she’s not any closer to finding out what she should do.*
“Its sad that that could probably work as a plan. Though I strongly disagree with it.” *Jo sighs, smiling slightly at the sarcastic response* “Be much easier if he had non-destructive hobbies or interests.. Course, you could always just flirt with him a fair bit. Goes against the slow but if he knows you’re not givin’ it up, he doesn’t seem to mind the playing.”
*Anna sits there in thought for a while and she sits up placing the coffee on the table.* “I think I have an idea, do you have like around three hundred dollars I could borrow?”
*Jo jerks at Anna’s movement, giving her a strange look* “You’re not getting him another hooker, are you? Cause I don’t think he played with the last one really.”
*Anna turns red instantly at the idea that she bought him a hooker and she nearly chokes shaking her head quickly* “No! God! No! I..just something that seems to appeal to him that is perfectly safe!”
*Jo bursts out laughing at Anna’s response, finding her reaction beyond comical* “I.. …do I even want to know what this idea is? But yeah, I have some cash you can have. Don’t worry about paying me back, not mine anyway.”
*Anna still red as her hair nods and stands up, checking the time. She couldn’t do it tonight but in the morning she could.* “Alright thank you Jo. I should probably head back to my place, it’s going to be freezing soon.”
“You can always crash here if you want. Not like I’m sleeping tonight anyway.” *Jo just throws it out there as she stands up too, moving into the hall to open the drawer she keeps most of her cash rolls, an old habit from at the Roadhouse sticking with her, credit cards, and credit card offers. Grabbing one that would be more than enough, she holds it out to Anna like its nothing*
*Anna takes the money and thanks Jo again, putting it away, last thing she wants is mugged on the way home.* “It has to be lonely here after being used to Grey always being here with you. If you want the company and you promise to not shoot me then I could stay I guess.”
#4 - Putting this one up because of the ‘breakfast, lunch and dinner’ remark from Jo that just needs to see the light of day (Grey absolutely has to see that line because jesus girl) but also Anna yet again accusing Jo (whose been perfectly nice) of being a bitch offhandedly…
“What do you think I should do Jo?”
“Honestly? I’d give him a taste of his own medicine and let him know what he’s missing..”
“I mean about everything..as much as I try I’m always going to be that other Anna and I
’m tired.”
“…well, if you want to learn about her - I’m happy to talk; but..otherwise maybe trying to get your memories back if you want them.”
“I don’t know..I’m me, part of the memories I have are real right? Crowley only messed with part of them and when the other Anna came  back, it was like I died..the angel took over but now I don’t know anymore if I should have stayed dead or maybe both of us should have died.”
“That right there sort of sounds like her. ..She kind of regretted coming back for the second time. But Crowley messed with a bit - though the angel? She still remembered right up until you first went into the hospital years ago, actually. Just a little - or a lot - more than that as well.”
“She fell and I was the result, so in truth I was the lie all along..” *Anna makes a bitter laughing sound as she takes the bottle and fills a glass.*
“She didn’t want to be an angel, do you know what their like? They’re emotionless, cold, hard. Nothing feels the same as it does for us, like our human emotions but layered and layered in cotton buds.” *Jo sighs* “She wanted to be you, so badly. And I get the feeling she never quite knew if she was that angel or you any more in the time I knew her.”
“You know what’s stupid. I want to be me too and I can’t because no one knew me, all they knew was her and I’m never going to get out from under the shadow of her.” *Throwing back the shot Anna pours another one and downs it as well before pouring her third.* “She was a failure at being an angel, she fucked up everything she touched and now I’m paying the price and I’m not even real!”
*Anna’s reaction actually makes Jo laugh, reaching out to grab the bottle and pour herself a drink* “You were real Anna. All your memories up until your hospitalisation were real, your childhood, your parents..Your dad might not have biologically have been your dad, but your mom gave birth to you, they loved you as their own and you are real, Anna. …I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, if you’ll forgive me if I forget sometimes, that is.”
“Right..gave birth and because of me or Anna or us they died. And face it, you would have never tried to get to know this me, you would have just brushed me off as being a..what do you call it? A civillian and moved on with your next hunt. The angel was useful at least somewhat I guess.”
“My mom died because of me, thing I’ve learnt is that what demons do? Isn’t our fault.  Course civillian you wouldn’t have bothered to speak to someone like me as it is, would you?”
“I don’t know you look like you could use some saving..” *Anna snorts throwing back another shot, feeling it burn going down.* “But then I think I would have been talking at you than talking to you because it would have just bounced off that thick skull.”
“Just a little!” *Jo laughs, running a hand over her hair as she watches the other before leaning forward on the bar* “Course, I know my scripture, or at least enough. Apocalypse signs and everything… Still, I’ll get to know this you, civilian or not.”
“It’s not just you, did you know Gray is borrowing a body like I would socks..because I didn’t but it seems everyone assumed I knew. Everytime I think I get things figured out, someone decided to make me feel like an  idiot.”
“Oh god, I forgot to mention that didn’t I?” *Jo pulls a face, looking awkward as she takes her drink and pours another* “Sorry, I forget that some things aren’t common knowledge.”
“Doesn’t matter. I tried to do something nice but I messed it up I think and then I had a small freak out when I learned about monsters and angels being able to possess people. I’m sure Gray in the end is tired of dealing with me, I would be if I was him. He wants to just be friends and friends doesn’t mean dealing with the baggage because that’s all I am.”
“Wouldn’t write him off, but honestly, Anna, if you want to move on then you should either that or tell him you don’t want to be ‘just friends’, that your feelings are deeper than that and you want to work out a solution that makes the /both/ of you happy. …Don’t ask me where I’m getting all this from, I’ve been watching a lot of daytime tv and romcoms.”
“I don’t know, you and Gray cause feelings that I don’t understand. Gray, I get frustrated at because I don’t know what to do, everything I seem to try doesn’t work. He doens’t want anything but to be friends now because we got in a fight over if he has free reigns to hook up then I should but that didn’t seem to fit. He doesn’t like the idea of whats fair for the goose is fair for the gander. Gray opened up, told me what Anna did to him, he looked so sad and I don’t understand why he even talks to me if she did so much wrong to him but he does and he’s been nice and I tried to do something nice for him but I don’t think he liked it, I may have checked to see if he had been in to the shop and he hasn’t. So I don’t know, I feel like I owe him for what she did and he needs someone but I don’t know if I’m that person because my feelings are messed up and I want to do whats the right thing but I feel like I shouldn’t be selfish and push anything.” *Anna probably doesn’t need another shot but she takes one any way when she runs out of breath*
“What’ve I got to do with this?” *Jo shoots her a look before shrugging a shoulder, pouring the both of them another drink* “Just so you know, whatever idea you had was probably a good one if he wasn’t so uncomfortable in some situations. …my question is why don’t you just say he has free reigns and keep him too happy to do anything about it? Lord knows that that is not an undesirable task..”
“You just I guess you were the other person Anna felt attached too..” *Looking away she feels awkward saying that to Jo but she shrugs, reaching over and picking up a peanut on the bar and cracking it, peeling away the shell.* “He does have freedom to do what he wants..and I’m not what he wants so I can’t use that plan..”
“Yeah well, I was pretty attached to her too up until some stuff, so no biggie.” *She shrugs again, tossing her head back before coughing half her drink up at Anna’s comments* “You’re joking right? Pretty sure he’d be pretty happy getting back in the sack with you Anna..”
*Anna raises a brow at Jo’s choking and she laughs* “Once..we were together once and that’s when the whole just be friends thing started so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that he really doesn’t want me that way now.”
“Yeah, no, that wouldn’t be it. It’s the goose and gander comments, goes against their nature really and he’s done it once before but… that didn’t end so well.” *Wiping her mouth, Jo sighs and pours herself another drink* “Probably just scared and calling it something else. God knows I’ve hidden behind ‘just friends’ for months even though I want to fuck them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”
“It doesn’t matter if he wants me or not, I tried to start over, I did. I just wanted to be normal but I’m a coward and I’m afraid of being alone. I don’t want to be cut off from the only people I know.” *Anna throws the peanut down and has another shot, she’s lost count at how many she’s had and she’s feeling it hard now.* “If he wants to be friends then what right do I have to ask for anything else, the other Anna did everything against what he wanted and I’m not her..”
“Normals for people who’ll get their necks torn open in their beds.” *Jo quips back, shrugging before dusting her hands off* “So you’re going to just..what?”
“I don’t know. I’m not going to ever be normal. I could learn to hunt again I suppose.” *Anna doesn’t mention Gray because she’s not going to stop being his friend but she’s at a loss as to what she wants for herself personally now.*
“Take it from me, the other Anna kind of hated it.” *Jo lets out a laugh, sipping from her glass* “I could show you the research ropes again, that was sort of you and Harry’s /real/ jobs here until..you stopped.”
“I guess. It’s not like if I get killed now it’s going to matter much. You could use me for bait, I’m sure that would make hunts go faster and you say you’re a good shot. At least this way I’ll feel useful again in some way.”
“Think you’re underestimating how good your memory and research skills are, Anna. Hell, I’m guessing you were doing pretty good in college, am I right? As for the bait thing…I tend to end up in that role when theres more than just myself on a hunt these days”
“Research is fine and I’m just talking.” *Anna stands up, swaying as she steps back, her foot catching on the bar stool and nearly falling because she didn’t feel it.* “I should go home or to that place I sleep, home..that’s a laugh. You know what they say, can’t ever go home again Jo.”
*Jo leans across the bar to steady Anna, shaking her head* “Should just go upstairs, knowing Harry and Lily neither of them probably moved rooms.” *Anna’s babbling about home makes Jo sigh, barely containing an eyeroll even though she knows exactly what the other means*
“Nah I can make it home, walk off what I drank.” *Anna reaches over and hugs Jo tight without warning.* “You’re nice even though you act like a bitch at times. Thanks.” *Anna turns and makes her way out of the bar, trying to walk straight.*
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greyfacewhispers · 4 years
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Going Down! Jo Grey Chat
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