#yay ennui

[bigskydreaming]

And the truly obnoxious thing is like, we know from countless interviews over the past few months, that like.....EVERY writer in the X-office wanted Bobby for their book. Orlando said he really wanted Bobby and Christian to stay on Marauders for his run, but they’d already been called ‘dibs’ on, part of why I was so hopeful Bobby was in X-Men Red was specifically because Ewing had mentioned wanting to use him, Spurrier’s said something about wanting him, Tini Howard mentioned something about a possible Bobby story, hell, even Leah Williams wasn’t shy about wanting to do more with him and at this point I would even have preferred....y’know what, let me not tempt fate, I’m still holding a grudge about that trainwreck of an X-Tremists mini and I need to just not go there even for the sake of hysterical, fanboy-in-a-state-of-high-dudgeon hyperbole.

I’m just.....

Pretty much every other writer in the X-office except for Percy has mentioned having a Bobby story they want to tell (literally all of the above writers being bi, just for the record) and Marvel’s like nah, let’s keep him with the straight writer who already HAD two plus years to do whatever the hell he wanted with the character and used that time and opportunity to.....literally do nothing at all.

SURE, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

#and literally the most common complaint about Duggan's X-Men title is that of the seven main cast members ALREADY on the book #he's barely given any of them actual focus or any kind of development whatsoever #....is it too soon for me to start hoping for an endpoint to his X-Men run so I at least know how long we've gotta be stuck with #him writing Bobby THIS time? #ugggggggggggggggh. this was NOT the news I was looking for today. Ill get over it and back to bored jaded ennui #soon enough - much like I'm managing to not be actively bothered by Taylor's Nightwing or the absence of me having #any interest in reading THAT book..... #but seriously. I only have three consistent comic book faves: Dick Grayson Kyle Rayner and Bobby Drake #all of whom are THEORETICALLY supposed to be pretty high profile and either A list or at least high B list #you would THINK it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to hope for at least ONE of three characters that high profile to have a consistent #presence in a well-written book and thus keep me occupied and entertained even if the other two aren't being utilized well or even at all #but nooooooooooooope. Kyle's still nowhere to be found as usual. Dick's being written as the walking embodiment #of every other character's support system and/or reliable showcase for them all to show off #how much more competent and better at dealing with all his enemies and threats are than he is IN HIS OWN BOOK #and Bobby's.....moving laterally from one book where he does fuck all but bring in readers for a writer who has zero interest in turning #that reader interest into actual storylines for him.....to another book where hey guess what? he'll most likely continue to do fuck all but #bring in readers for the same damn writer who has zero interest in turning that reader interest into actual storylines for him #YAY I LOVE COMICS THE END

[tahnisreu]

why is addi crying now? bingbong didn't make it out of the memory erasing pit...

#;; mun chatter #whos ready for inside out 2 cause im like ' YAY NEW EMOTIONS. HOW DO I GET THEM TO LEAVE.' #my entire brain is controlled by ennui i stg--

[ginoeh]

Number 13 for the Spotify fic thingy 🖤!!

Thank you for the ask! You have a good eye for numbers 😂 This one is my much beloved Tamino with Persephone. I had about 158 story ideas for this one already (give or take a few) and decided on a 🌟 new 🌟 one instead (yay!).

I'm staying very close to the song's lyrics here instead of the of more general lore of the myth for this challenge. Please enjoy 'dramatic-idiot-in-love' with a dash of 'unstoppable-force-meets-immovable-object'. We start with Dream's pov. Because drama.

~~☆~~☆~~☆~~

It goes like this: Morpheus is enamoured, bewitched, by Hob's radiance, his faith and warmth and the care for humanity he has learned to cultivate over painstaking centuries. He knows what effort this costs Hob, knows it in every controlled instinct and careful look, in every forsaken opportunity for personal gain, how Hob yearns to remain good and light. So when night falls over the warm glow of the New Inn's evening, Morpheus stays and stays and stays and drinks it all in.

Morpheus feels like a moth drawn to the flame. Hob is the day to his night, the warmth of spring and summer to his own wintery darkness. He should let Hob live his life away from him, keep him at a distance as he has for so long now. He's much more selfish than that, though, greedy in his affection as he's been accused of so many times.

Unwilling to leave, he instead lets Hob choose: they can go back to their centennial meetings or, as Morpheus offers, they could trade - an apology for the missed centennial; one meeting in the Waking for one meeting in the Dreaming, each month a different setting. He might not let Hob go, if he acquiesces to this, Morpheus warns (“Those that live too long in dreams might be consumed by them even in waking hours. It's in their nature.” And therefore in his, he doesn't add.)

Hob laughs, bright and daring with that edge of sparkling hope, and takes the second offer (“What's a little bit of lost time between friends? I'd love to come and visit your realm.”) Morpheus has known how Hob would choose, of course he has. Has seen the daydreams of golden friendship, shared tales and maybe even, love. There really wasn’t a choice at all.

The months slip by, pleasant and warm - no, no it's more than pleasant, it's- Morpheus knows when he's in love, can’t not know it when the Dreaming is in the full bloom of spring, with sweet winds and sunshine accompanying them wherever they go in his realm. When their hands and hearts are entangled as much as their limbs and tongues.

It's sweet as honey.

It will not last.

He’s mired in the never-beens and wishes, the dark and the forbidden and the nearly-forgotten - and while Hob might love him as many people love their dreams, as soon as they get too close Morpheus will invariably break his heart. Be it through disappointment and ennui or when Morpheus’ flights of fancy will have Hob's grip slipping, see him falling out of love towards the awakening, and shatter.

And yet, Morpheus wants.

There is the inevitable end looming, Morpheus knows, because love always ends in his sister's arms. Even more, there is the other end, the one he lets loom on the horizon unseen and felt only in the chill between Hob's visits. He does not let himself think of much of anything then. For now though, he takes Hob's love of life and light and warmth and lets it guide him, lets it be his hearth and home. It's deceiving, but Hob is Morpheus' dream and he wants to hold onto it until he has to face the realities of his fate.

Soon Hob will realize that there is another life waiting for him in the Waking, he will not want to remain bound to one such as he. In the light, Morpheus and his world of dreams will be small and unimportant to Hob, easily forgotten, as dreams are wont to be forgotten in the Waking. It will be Hob who'll try to cancel their accord.

Still, for now the deal keeps them circling each other, keeps them close. Maybe closer than Morpheus is confortable with. Maybe close enough that Hob can see thing Morpheus would want to stay hidden.

Because in Hob's eyes, Dream sees love and devotion but sometimes, there is something else. Morpheus knows it well, has seen it in Nada's eyes before the end. It's fear; desperation and fear. And Hob is right to fear him, he’s right to fear the calamities he might bring upon him, to fear the inevitable end, the fall and the shattering. Hob loves him, Hob fears him, it's inextricable - two sides of the same coin.

Because ultimately, Morpheus will be Hob's fall.

Together, they can learn to fly.

Hob though, is the maker of his own fate; refuses to give up agency over his own destiny. It's in his nature, after all. What Hob fears isn't his own fall. If he falls, he does so because he chooses to risk it. He'll accept the consequences, like he always has.

What he fears, then, is Morpheus’ fall. Because Hob can clearly see him standing on a precipice and he'll go to the ends of all universes and battle the fates themselves if only he can make his love step back and turn around - this isn't a Orpheus and Euridice situation after all, or a retelling of Hades and Persephone.

No one was stolen, and no one has died.

Quite the contrary really. This is live and this is love. It's what hope is made of and Hob won't stop trying to get Morpheus to see it. To see as well, that Hob doesn’t need Morpheus to stay aloft, that he is perfectly capable of carrying his own weight and helping Morpheus along at the same time. If only Morpheus would give in to Hob calling him back to life and turn the fuck around!

This story is theirs alone and Hob will make damned sure they never get an ending and only a happily ever after. Morpheus just needs to take his hand and dare the first step.

~~☆~~☆~~☆~~

Okay, that’s a wrap then. I also have at least one AU that involves a more dramatic and fantastical reason for Hob having to spend half of his time in the Dreaming. Then, there’s the idea of a fairytale AU. There's one of Hob getting fed up and be the one to propose a Persephone-like deal if Dream insists on treating this like a effing story (im partial to that one lol). And a slew of other ideas. They don't stay as close to the song lyrics as this here, though.

#dream of the endless #hob gadling #dreamling #the sandman fanfiction #the spotify wrapped thing #ginoeh writes

[lizbethborden]

Tell me if this situation sounds familiar. You’re running low on body wash or conditioner, like 20% of the bottle left. You go to buy another one and find like, an exciting new flavor or something that’s more hydrating. You buy it and you’re like, yay! Adulting win! Because adulting has two components: 1) planning for the future, and 2) beating back the profound ennui of living. You put the body wash on your shelf to await its turn in the shower with you. Then your old body wash, the one you’re mentally done with already, whose scent you don’t even like anymore, the selfsame body wash that seemed to be sputtering its last breath into your loofah only that morning, never runs out. It stays at 20% full. Forever.

[catofoldstones]

Finished adwd [yay :D] what do i do with my life now? [existential ennui setting in ): ]

Does anyone know where I can read the pre-released chapters of twow? Thanks!

#asoiaf #adwd #twow #i am not going to read f & b not touching that with a ten foot pole #oh my god I’m about to reread trc

[noellevanious]

also please dont feel obligated to reblog that post. im going through a rough patch of ennui after listening to a successful writer/copy editor on a podcast and just really really want to write, but it's been so long since i've written anythnig that isn't video scripts i abandoned after 4k words. it definitely sounds like pandering but. im not exaggerating when i say my confidence plummeted after that twitter thing. i'm always worried about people actually being interested in me and what i do and i follow/am friends with a LOT of artists on twitter who have 10k+ followers. and like. in modern america theres literally nothing you can do for a career without connections. and i have no personal connections. my dad is a deadbeat alcoholic carpenter and the most notable job my mom had was working as a nurse at a local dentist. i just want to do work that i like and not worry about money like i have to right now (and have had to do for my entire life - yay being poor!)

#inanegargling

[adtothebone]

While using the self-checkout at the grocery store, a voice from within the machine told me to move my bananas.

Gasp!

Has not moving my bananas been the root cause of my ennui and consternation?

Is it really that simple?

What a breakthrough!

I’m gonna move my bananas!

Yay!

[liesmyth]

8 and 12 for book asks plz!

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

A few! I'm a very fast reader, so my personal goal for the year was mainly reading across a variety of genres / formats / authors than a specific number of works. I'm very happy with my range this year, and GR tells me I've passed my number reading goal, too, so yay for that. I read some very cool short stories collections this year, a habit I really want to keep up because punchy short stories are great.

Goals I didn't meet: I didn't get around to even starting the Wheel of Time reread I meant to (next year, though!) and I didn't read any Italian lit at all, only nonfic. Next year, though!

12. Any books that disappointed you?

A few! I'm usually pretty good at telling me what's going to be my speed and what I should just avoid / DNF early on, but there were still a few books that I stuck with and disappointed. A couple I really disliked (while liking previous works by the same author) were

Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun by Elle Cosimano (mystery/romance) third book in a series that has become exponentially more unwieldy and not as fun as it was when I started it. The audiobook saves it, ngl (2/5 stars TO ME)

Admission by Jean Hanff Korelitz, navel-gazey sort of litfic about over-educated Ivy League ennui. That's the author's whole niche and I liked many of her books in the past because her prose is lovely, and she wrote one of my favourite books I read last year (The Plot) but this one was just A DRAG to get through. It took me months and stupidly, I kept going. (1/5 stars TO ME)

[end of year book asks!]

#Anonymous #askbox games #book talk

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Spy x Family 10 - 12 (FINAL) | Kami Kuzu Idol 1 | TMM New 1

Spy x Family 10

Those should be excellence awards, but I’m just nitpicking. 

Spy x Family 11

Man, people failing at the violin was not something I needed to hear again… *sweatdrops*

Having lived on an island nation for most of my life, there’s a bunch of ads about keeping your eye on the pool and stuff.

Notice how Becky respected Anya’s desire to be called “Starlight Anya”.

Spy x Family 12 (FINAL)

The top entry for one of the penguins at one point is “horse mackerel x 41”.

Kami Kuzu Idol 1

Here we go! I spotted this as a manga way back when it was just a JPN-only series and…it’s early?! In anime form? Hooray!

…waittttttttttttt…does HiDive say this is going to run for 10 episodes? Say it ain’t so! Update: Okay, it be so.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…now that I’m working, I feel Yuuya’s ennui-ish attitude in my soul. Thank you, Kami Kuzu Idol, for this food.

…but why can’t Yoshino go solo…?

…that can is so obviously a parody of BOSS coffee.

The comment above Yuuya in the OP when he splats is “Condition: Used up all his energy just [getting to the office].”

The word above that character (the black and white text) is…”Super new”? (not sure about context, so might find out what this might be over the course of the anime)

These rival idols look a bunch like the King of Prism: Shiny Seven Stars guys.

…uh, you can tell this dance section of the OP is at least partially CGI.

One of Asahi’s albums is called Hallelujah.

…I think behind Yuuya’s shoulder, you can see what appears to be Asahi’s signature. With a smiley face and everything. (Is that a signature for Shun Horie to Asahi’s left?)

The fact they managed to retain the slightly derpy look on Asahi!Yuuya’s CGI model is enough to make me giggle. However, that doesn’t help the fact the performance is CGI in the first place… (slight concern)

…okay, this is a little more low-budget than I’d like, but I’m still willing to give it my love. Its comedy is pretty on-point.

I think the name Kami Kuzu Idol is better. I mean, it’s the “godly-crap idol”! Phantom of the Idol is…more reference-based of a title. It’s good and fits seamlessly where it has to fit…*changes mind* Okay, both are fine then.

The line “I want to get to know the real you”…how ironic. Heh.

No, why is there a sloth?!

Tokyo Mew Mew New 1

Apparently this is a remake, so I’m safe! I can watch this! I haven’t watched the original, even though it’s a cornerstone of ‘90s magical girl anime – the licensing just never worked out for me.

…why do magical girls insist on falling in love anyway? ~Drama???~

I will never get used to Mew Mint having long wavy hair…

The Korean heart gesture(…?) seems rather out of place in a remake for a 90s anime…

To be honest, I didn’t know what I was seriously going to be until I got mid-way through high school…and then I dropped that course of action when it turned out I sucked at that. *sweatdrops* So I get it, Ichigo.

This whole “Mint passes on tickets to an endangered animal exhibit” feels vaguely Straw Millionaire-ish…

The text for the exhibit clearly says “Red Data Animal Exhibit”…

…I’m not sure about the boob jiggle, but…otherwise, yay! Magical girls in 2022 are just as great as they always are!

*blushes* Keiichiro! Kyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (He’s voiced by Shirai. What else is there to say? I mean, Ume-chan voices one of the antagonists…)

“…to come with me?”

Wahhhhhhhhh, this is so fun! This is like discovering magical girls all over again! Hooray!

#simulcast commentary #spy x family #Tokyo Mew Mew New #Kami Kuzu Idol #Phantom of the Idol

[seekinginnerwisdom]

It hasn't happened 100% but quantity has been reduced and new distractions have been purchased...but I can already feel the difference. The lessening of the dopamine is already beginning to dull my mind. I can feel disinterest creeping in and there is no antidepressant flowing through my veins right now so this is going to be an educational experience. I wish I could just make people leave me alone to go about my daily routine. No talking to me, dont ask me to do anything, dont ask me where something is, dont ask for my help, etc. I have to battle the usual but also grieve the death of my creativity, motivation, interest, and welcome back ennui, suicidal thoughts, and emptiness. It had side effects but it was so nice to experience life again.

I get to focus on responsibilities, reality, my health, work life, and existential vacuum. I hate life, I really do. And I have to face the future without a partner again. I mean, he was a shitty partner but he was someone who chose me. I think that was the biggest appeal, that he saw me.

I discovered this song at the same time he chose to no longer be with me. It is what I need to feel loved I think. I just want to be seen and wanted. Choose me. It echoes loudly and silently inside of me now. But this is probably better. No demands on my time, I'm not running myself ragged trying to be available to everyone. The nonstop anxiety that I'm going to lose him is gone because I did. I survived another heart break. Yay me?

#Spotify

[oaimniynaug]

Misery

September 27, 2022

Yesterday was not good, especially after I had what I thought was a fairly productive week in Denver, clearing my to-do list and setting myself up nicely for the next few months.

1. It started last Thursday evening, when one of my journal manuscripts was rejected (though the reviews were actually very helpful, and I am in the midst of editing and resubmitting it, hopefully by the end of today).

2. Monday morning, I was not looking forward to it, because I knew I had a long day of classes and meetings and interviews.

3. In the office, even though I had been productive at home and sent off another job application, a PhD candidate just completed a screening interview and was relating her experience to the other colleagues ("I don't feel like I could've done anything differently.") I've probably turned in 20-odd applications so far, only one school has asked for recommendation letters, and no screening interviews. That has been very discouraging.

4. I met a Singaporean at DU over lunch, and while she has a very interesting background and a good conversationalist I felt a little frustrated because I couldn't get a word in most of the time. Also I wasn't in the best of moods. I hope it goes better in November.

5. Scrolling through social media, I feel a usual suspect publishing a first-author piece in a high-impact public health journal. Cue the uneasiness again.

6. Felt slightly awkward teaching in my office. Self-conscious. That I was too loud. Not sure if my neighbours or folks outside the office could hear me. Not sure if they'd judge me for being too loud. Whatever though, class went great (could've improved towards the end a little, but still).

7. Finally received the grant rejection (which was supposed to come in April, then delayed to August). Does not sting as much given how much time as passed (and really, I have to write up other data we have, sitting there), but still.

8. Pulled through the final interview of the data, left the office, got home at 9.

This morning we did get a simple revise-resubmit for a journal article (yay!), but I think the misery (and ennui) will stick around until an actual screening interview. Life...

#jobmarket

[metanoianmayhem]

Courting Death

I’ve spent more of my life than not wanting to be dead.

Spent years on suicide watch, I’ve never turned my phone off because I’ve been the watcher for other people, and I learned when I didn’t have anyone else to call how to drag myself forward tooth and nail anyways.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about death, longing for and didn’t really start pushing back with the quiet realization of wanting to live and what that want would feel like.

Not til recently.

And now, now when I’m at risk, when an incidental oopsy could get me fucking dead as a doornail, because my lungs aren’t a goddamn thing, and pneumonia has been nothing short of easy for me for years.

Now it’s paralyzingly terrifying, and I resent being scared.

So it makes me mad as hell.

Which makes me sullen and unpleasant, which makes me self-recriminate and it goes in this circle of I want to go home to I can’t go home, to I don’t want to die yet I have too many people reliant on me.

That was always the trick, see. If I isolate myself, it’s an easy warning sign, and if I’m not isolating, then it’s safe to assume I’m not high risk.

and I’m...

fucking trying. 

Gods, I am trying so damn hard to keep my chin up, maintain everyone’s sanity where I can (and they’re trying too)

and my brain keeps dropping unwanted PTSD, and it gets to a point where I’m too overwhelmed by choices on simple stuff (breakfast, workouts, casual activities) so I get pissy and exhausted and it’s too damn much.

So it goes. Guess I’m here still, might as well write.

#text #personal #angst #ennui #yay ennui #bc the face of a pandemic #is so fun #TW: suicide #ptsd #depression #frustration #weird to think about this #Epona is fucking insane

[elskamo]

5 for the ask thing

My answers will probably be super obvious for anyone that’s seen my posts but my top three favourite canon couples are:

Duncney. I shipped these two from the moment I saw them when Total Drama Island first aired in the UK. They were both characters I related to and while the dynamic between them might not have been the most original idea the way it played out felt fresh and interesting. They had a lot of cute moments in the first season and I enjoyed the shift between them in Action (admittedly I was too young to realise the not so great elements as a child, domestic abuse is not okay guys) I feel a little sad that Duncan and Courtney never truly got an end to their relationship plotline, Duncan still shows interest in her throughout the first half of All Stars but then it gets dropped when he randomly remembers Mal, it would have been nice to get some closure whether that was ending the ship for good or giving things another try in a healthier way. I guess there’s always fanfiction...

Scottney/Scourtney. I saw a couple of fanarts for Scott and Courtney before All Stars aired and I loved the idea of them from the get go. Scott and Duncan had similar concepts, both were villainous characters with a love of carving/whittling whereas Duncan was more open about his bad side while Scott was sneaky in his approach. The relationship ultimately became canon in All Stars but because of the season length it played out very, very quickly, it would have been nice to see it over a longer span when we’d have more time to watch the chemistry building between them instead of the rush job we got. Regardless I still feel the two had a nice relationship and if it wasn’t for the derailment right at the end for Courtney the two probably would have made it, Scott even seems upset that they ended things afterwards so who knows?

Crimsennui. The only couple on this list not to get dicked over by the writers. From the get go Crimson and Ennui are portrayed as being in a close, loving relationship. They don’t go overboard on PDA and make a big deal out of it like other couples on the show which is so refreshing to see, you can be a great couple and not constantly be kissing and engaging in other physical contact. Their plotline around getting de-gothed was also brilliant, it showed the correct way to handle things in a relationship, how communication between two partners is critical and can bring you closer. It took a long time but this is a relationship the writers finally got right!

Bonus fanon couple: Aleduncan. The two had a lot of foe yay and a really fun dynamic, it’s a shame that they went with shorter seasons later on and that they weren’t able to develop the relationship between these two any more in All Stars and it was more or less forgotten completely (you guys seeing a theme here?) The couple is ultimately fanon and the two have never been confirmed as liking men but it’s become my OTP since I’ve been engaging with other fans here.

I was gonna write Jock as my third favourite and then remembered it’s technically not canon. Technically. They totally had UST though...

#total drama #duncney #duncney td #duncney total drama #td duncney #total drama duncney #scottney #scourtney #crimsennui #total drama aleduncan #aleduncan #jock #asks #ask game

[naomidbf]

￣￣￣￣￣￣ •⸙ Gehenna ⸙•￣￣￣￣￣￣

A frail little girl with flaxen hair was gazing upon the cosmical timberland. She was curious what was out there, but the wooden fences prevents her for doing so. The fences, her only boundary that precludes her from going outside the property. She can just climb over and jump over the fence since it doesn't have enough security, but she was affrighted at the thought of her grandparents finding out that she was mislaid, and the possibility that they might punish her about that.

Her continuing childhood was spent inside her Grandparents' ranch, helping them to contend with the farm. She don't want to live the rest of her childhood like this. She wants to venture and discover new things.

The bairn blonde was feeding a nag with a hay in her hand, but her eyes was affixed to the unknown, the timberland, just pass the meadow at the other side of the fence. She always have the urge to climb over the fence and run straight through there. If only she could sneak out without anyone noticing.

She looked around the property, seeing no one, only cattles and poultries. This is a great opportunity to abscond, but there's a critical chance that they might found out that she was nowhere to be seen. She noted to herself that she'll be back very soon.

She dropped the hay, to let the nag be feed on the lawn. She looked back into the horizon. She tread towards the fence, full of excitement and fear before halting in front of it, she rested both of her palms on top of the fence. She looked back once again to the ranch to make sure that no one was there before ascending over the fence with an ease.

She scampered along the meadow, the breeze hitting her face as her hair dances along. She can't stop herself as if her legs were moving on their own. Her breath hitched each step she took.

Once she reached the edge of the massive timberland she stopped, panting from all the running she just did. She took a good look at the sight of the ranch from afar. She was disquieted, but there's no turning back

She take a good look at the prodigious trees in front of her before treading to go deeper, admiring the ambients.

The adolescent blonde went further until she could no longer see the ranch nor the meadow behind her that was being blocked by the trees.

She ascertained new things such as many types of harmless animals like birds, elks, and hares. She even petted a caterpillar in her hand.

As she went further, something captivated her eyes. At the bottom of one of the trees, there were a few white fungi shaped like an umbrella. With her having no knowledge about the nature yet being so inquisitive still, she trudged towards the funguses and crouched in front of them. She found them congenial, she was about to touch one but a child's voice stopped her.

"Don't touch that!" Warned a child's voice somewhere, it wasn't clear where.

The adolescent blonde surprised by the voice, jolted and stood up. Looking around for the source of the voice. "Huh?"

"I said don't touch that. Those are mushrooms, it's poisonous."

"Poisonous?" The blonde asked, gazing back at the so called mushrooms.

"Yes, those mushrooms are called Death Cap. Scientific name; Amanita phalloides," the voice explained, it's still wasn't clear which direction it came from. "If you digest one those, you'll slowly die."

"T-Thank you." The blonde said as her lips formed into a nervous smile.

"Hmm? For what?" The voice asked, somewhat confused.

"For telling me those informations, I would've touch it, if it weren't from your warning."

"That's not much of a big deal, you're welcome." The voice replied simply.

"Can you... show yourself so I can thank you enough?" The adolescent blonde queried, looking around for the other adolescent.

"If I show myself, instead of thanking me, you'll run away." The voice reasoned.

"I-I won't, I promise. I just want to show my gratitude." The adolescent blonde gave a warm smile.

The child behind the voice gaze at the frail blond bairn from behind the trees. The innocent look of the flaxen haired adolescent, and how frail she looks, and the fact that she looked so dense made the mysterious adolescent trust her.

"Alright, if you said so." The voice said before stepping out from behind one of the trees, eyes affixed to the blonde as the not so normal adolescent trudged towards her.

The adolescent female blonde stood still, her eyes were widen, not because of fear but because of astonishment. The adolescent she was gazing was a tan girl with a few freckles sprinkled around her cheeks and nose, that's not what she was amazed for. What made her awestruck were her two pointed curled horns attached on her head, and a pair of huge wings behind her back. Her wings resembles a raven's wing, it was caliginous as its feathers.

The eccentric adolescent stopped in front of her, staring at the flaxen haired little lass with ennui. "Aren't you afraid?" She asked.

"Huh? Why would I be afraid?" The blond adolescent asked, baffled.

She sighed. "You're a total dense, aren't you?" She frowned. "Well I can't blame you, you're far too young. You have a lot to learn ahead of you about this world."

"Huh? You're young too, like me!" The blonde retorted.

"I am, but I have far more knowledge than you do." The winged freckled girl replied, her almond shaped eyes staring down at her.

"Really?" The blonde gaped at her with enthusiasm written all over her face. "Will you teach me about the world? Please!"

The freckled girl stare at her and found her amusing. "Sure, I have nothing better to do."

"Yay! What's your name?" The blonde asked gaily as she held the tan girl's hand.

The freckled girl remained silent for a moment before answering. "Ymir... just Ymir." She looked away.

"Nice to meet you, Ymir! I'm Historia!" The little blonde said full of gaiety.

"Yeah... nice to meet you too. So you want to learn about the world?" She asked, the blonde nodded excitedly in response. "Alright, I'll tell you about the world base on my experience."

Historia and Ymir, the two little lasses were walking around and exploring the timber. Ymir already liking the flaxen haired girl's company, she liked how the blonde is eager to learn.

Ymir was teaching her things about the nature and wildlife, such as what are animals that are innocuous and what animals that are jeopardizing. She also taught her what plants are edible and what are not.

"The world is really beautiful, yet..." Ymir paused her sentence before eventually saying. "It also has a cruel side."

The two were sitting under a tree, Ymir was elucidating as Historia gaze at her and hearkened.

"This world was also a Gehenna." Ymir said, making the blonde confused.

"Gehenna? What's that?"

"Gehenna is a place of misery," Ymir said before gazing at her ocean blue eyes. "In other words, hell."

"Why?" Historia being so dense as she was, asked.

"War, innocent people being killed, injustice, plenty of corrupted and vile people, sexist, and women being ravish by men." Ymir explained.

"What are injustice, corrupted, sexist, and ravish?"

Ymir wants to laughed at her, but no, her being young and inexperienced about the world is enough reason for her to be asking this questions.

"You'll learn those words someday," Ymir gave her a warm smile, she doesn't want the girl's innocence to evanesce. Historia pouted. "I too experienced Gehenna."

Historia was really curious at the point. "Can you tell me about your experience?"

"Humans thought that I'm a threat because of my horns and my wings, so they tried to hunt me down and kill me. That's why I live in the forest solitarily, away from human society, away from Gehenna." Ymir recounted, remembering her past.

"You must've suffered a lot." Historia said, looking at her with pity. Ymir nodded, facing the ground.

Suddenly, Historia pulled her closer into her arms and gave her a lulling hug as she fondled her hair. Ymir was surprised at first, she de-stress eventually and let her solace her.

"I'm very sorry for what my own kind had done to you," Historia said as she kept fondling her hair. "And don't worry, you're safe with me. I will tell no one about you, I'm your friend!"

"Friend?" Ymir can't delineate her feelings right now, but she was more than happy. For the very first time in her life, she finally had a friend. She smiled as her tears involuntarily fell from her eyes and land on the blonde's shoulder, staining her shirt.

"Yeah, a friend. I'm your friend now," Historia exclaimed, breaking the hug and gazing at her teary amber eyes. She cupped her hands on her soft freckled cheeks and wiped her tears with her thumb. "So stop crying."

"I'm sorry, it's just... I never have a friend before." Ymir chuckled.

"Well now you have, and that's me." She gave her the most buoyant smile she can manage before leaning closer to her and kissed her forehead. Ymir was surprised by this, but she didn't move, instead, she cherished the moment.

Historia parted her lips from the tan girl's forehead before smiling at her softly. Ymir smiled back at her.

Historia suddenly realized something, she realized that she's been here within the forest for far too long.

"Oh no, I'm so dead." Historia stood up, her body is shaking with trepidation.

"What's wrong?" Ymir stood up as well and looked at her in confusion.

"I only sneaked out from my home so that I can wander around here in the forest, and I'm not sure if they already found out that I was missing," the blonde explained before looking around. "And what's worst is that I'm lost."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I can help you," Ymir gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll fly you to the direction where you came from."

Historia looked at her with her eyes full of enthusiasm. "R-Really? You'll do that for me?"

"Of course, you're my friend after all, right?" Ymir exclaimed.

Historia felt the same joy as Ymir earlier, she couldn't help it so she hugged her tightly. "Thank you!"

"It's not a big deal, so hop on." Ymir said, beaconing to go behind her back.

The blonde followed and went behind her, she put her arms around the tan girl's neck. Ymir held her thighs tightly, lifting her legs.

Ymir extended her wings, Historia couldn't help but gasped in awe. The tan girl fling her wings downward before departing from the ground. She fly in a very tremendous height as she make sure to not to let go off the blonde.

The blonde could see everything below in bird's-eye view, she was clinging unto the tan girl's shoulder tightly. At first it was direful, eventually she finally conquered her fear and admire every view with so much enthusiasm.

"There!" Historia could see the ranch from afar, she pointed at the direction of the ranch as Ymir nods and fly on the direction she pointed.

Historia never felt so much joy, she wished that everyday she could fly like this. She's really glad that she found Ymir. Eventually, the fun ends once the tan girl landed carefully on the ground at the end of the forest where the ranch could be seen up ahead pass the meadow. Historia let go off Ymir's shoulder before standing beside her, both of them gaze at the ranch from afar as the breeze hit their body.

"Well... this is it." Ymir started.

"Yeah..."

"I guess I'll see you soon."

Historia looked at her and smiled. "I'll come back tomorrow."

Ymir looked back at her once she heard her sentence, she smiled. "I'm looking forward to that, but your family might caught you again tomorrow."

"I'll sneak out at night tomorrow."

"Hmm... why?"

"Because everyone is asleep at night, and it's way easier to sneak out!"

"I see," Ymir chuntered as her lips curved into a smile. "I'll wait for you then."

"And then I'll come back again the day after tomorrow, and then the next day after that, and then everyday!" The blonde cheered mirthfully. Ymir could only smile as she admire her enthusiasm. Historia looked at her placidly. "And once we grow up and are old enough, teach me those words that I didn't know. Promise?"

The adolescent blonde extended her arm and bend all her fingers except her little finger for a pinkie swear.

"Promise." Ymir replied before locking her little finger with Historia's as they gaze into each other's eyes, full of hope.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ymir "

"I'll be there."

They parted their litttle fingers before Historia started sprinting along the meadow, on her way back to the ranch. Ymir watched her go as her figure became further.

In a single encounter, a friendship was formed. In a simple conversation, a bond was formed. In a simple commitment, a hope was actuated.

They've just met but they already yearning for the other's warmth, both with friendship and love.

What would fate conclude for their future? Neither of the two adolescents know.

All they know that their story had just begun.

As for Ymir, she finally realized that she can meet someone that will give her happiness in this Gehenna of a world.

___

~Ethereal Tea

[] The artwork above does not belong to me, credits to the rightful owner

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #yumikuri #yumihisu #ymir #historia reiss #krista lenz #christa lenz #ymir x krista #ymir x christa #ymir x historia #fanfic #fanfiction

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X19 Jump the Shark

Oh hey is this the illegitimate brother plotline

boy I love me some sweet sweet ANGST

whelp she's fucking dead

picture of JOHN?

Sam's peacefully brushing his teeth and Dean's Not a Morning Person

boy he's having a bad morning

to be fair, living out of the car is kinda not fun either

"I'm his son" Dean: I'm gonna fUCKING KIL-

he's..premed?

they're going to ruin his life too aren't they, Aren't The-

Dean is taking this really well

I mean he did get the brunt of John's Issues, so I get it, yike

ASDFPIHP them discussing their dad's ~sex life~ is very funny though

Dean was...preteen? when this kid was born? Sam was under ten definitely

Dean Please

No that's your Actual Brother guys PLEASE

hunting accident "ah fair enough"

"who is a nuclear family these days" FEELS SO LOADED

Dean...Dean please don't fUCKING KILL HIM DEAN

THE IMPALA NOOO

"he took you to a baseball game" IDSFHAPF

He's Trying not to CRY OH MY GOD NO WAIT

Sam resonates with the away from college thing oh NO

Dean is trying SO HARD not to snap

at least he's...trying..to keep adam out

corpse snatching => HEY LOOK IT's THE BONE STEALING WIT-

I think I need to stop being online jesus christ

the [both sigh] was so good

well...that's a lot of blood

How the hell do you break it to your illegitimate brother that you're ~technically Wanted by the FBI

at least he's not an idiot

HE'S SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE

I mean obligatory dead mom

"do i get a say in this?" "NO!"

no..no SAM DEAN HAS A POINT

Middle sibling + younger sibling gang up on elder

"have u thought about eternity" "bro i've literally been to hell Idk what to tell u"

Dean doing it solo but Sad is...:(

Oh he worked the old case, that's neat

"so it's over for you" welllllll

OO THE TRUCK SHOT WAS COOL

dean + long dark coat truthing tonight HE LOOKS G O O D

it wants revenge

YOU FUCKERS AND YOUR REVENGE BELA WAS R I G H T

and Adam Instantly wants revenge, you sir are definitely a Winchester

"it's life" WELL IT SHOULDn'T BE

the stupid isolationism I hate it

NO GO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE KRIPKE WHY

Sam's becoming his dad, and Dean isn't

...SAM WHAT THE FUCK

DAD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT DO RIGHT BY YOU

HIS GODDAMN GRIEF SPIRAL GOT BOTH OF YOU

LET HIM BE NORMAL! HAPPY! IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW(NOT ALWAYS)(Also very close to the thing with zachariah in placement(eye emojis) BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I do appreciate Dean Eldest Sibling'ed it up even if he didn't like the kid/was jealous. Goddammit I wish we got connection in this stupid show

I was expecting a jump scare but somehow the squish is worse

sOn oF aBitcH

Ah FUCK NOT ADAM TOO

I do like the little angel Icon though, that's what's Dean's way out

Ghouls is a racist term?what????

no john winchester was 100% a monster

ah it was their father

yada yada father killing circle idk

YAY! DEAN'S INGENUITY IS BACK!

Ghoul!mom is really really good. I liked Scared Adam better though

the slicing sam scene is BRUTAL jesus christ

So...John got his own son killed in the end...

SERIOUSLY HE WAS TERRIBLE

Dean JESUS CHRIST

awww caring Dean is nice

AWW HUNTER'S FUNERAL

"Adam's in a better place" :(

Dean tried to fit himself into the Dad box, Sam's actually him

"you take it any way you want" oh for FUC- HE- I-

he looked so Sad, so like...he's stopped idolizing him

jesus christ.

boy there's gonna be overlap ok here we go.

1. poor dean. Ok couple things: 1) he elder sibling'ed it SO HARd! he didn't even like Adam, but he still tried to keep him safe(I think). he gave him a hunter's funeral! I just. It was nice to see. It was also INCREDIBLY painful to hear the realization of "you were always like dad, I never could be" and the fact that he didn't even see it as a good thing anymore? fUCK man, that huRT me. Dean tried so hard to be something he wasn't, he got probably the brunt of the abuse(because he didn't measure up to that metric like Sam always would), and in the end all it got him was...just. so much pain. Like it felt like John left his Broken children behind to get a new one, and just turned them into his quest for revenge. It was SO So fucked

Hey actually speaking of

2. AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE BEING A HUNTER/JOHN? WHAT HTE FUCK?

YALL ALREADY MARTYRED HIM BUT UR MAKING HIM WORSE?

LIKE ok listen. John's kinda set up as the ideal of hunting. They martyred him! And I was halfway sold provided they didn't mention him again. Then! he did this thing where he abandoned his kids, seeing them only as tools to fulfill his quest for revenge, literally broke them(that too late thing+zachariah saying "it's in your blood" when really it was just trained from a young age), got a NEW family he treated a lot better. I just. I have...NO idea how I'm supposed to see him as a good guy here. Maybe I just kin Dean, or his plight is WAY more sympathetic(it is, Sam is kinda pissing me off), but John's just...coming off worse and worse and they KEEP doing it!

Also! this whole cycle of revenge thing! about how if you keep taking an eye for an eye, everyone ends up blind! they barely escaped this time, and I think this was the second revenge plot that I can think of with MONSTERS alone! it was a BIG theme! Like!! hunting sucks! revenge makes you end up in worse places! it's like this one episode was made to show how SHIT hunting was!

wait who wrote this

Dabb+lofflin. The hunting sucks always comes from-

this GODDAMN INCONSISTE-

3. Fuck John Winchester

4. Individualism. Ok this is a big one. Alongside the whole revenge plot thing(which is BIG, and a hunting sucks), this one drove home the sheer individuality of hunting. But while some of the writers see that as Badass, this one made it seem lonely, and painful. Like the flip side to American Individualism is American Chronic Loneliness. I know this one was used to process the ennui of the post recession/post 9/11 time, and it's doing very well for that, but it kinda ends up like this show is EVERYONE'S therapy all at once! the gang's all here! and we're gonna traumatize you in the process as well.

EDIT: and yeah yeah yada yada american individualism is King and then so is it’s accompanying loneliness in the post 9/11 post war in iraq post recession world(we were not having fun in 08/09)

and I get that this show is the writer’s therapy and whatever

(I just thing this is phrased better)

5. bring him back. Connect! Look. I know it breaks the core ethos of this episode. But having Weird Esoteric Hunter siblings would have been SO FUNNY!

give me more sibling content! Sam+Adam teaming up against the Eldest Sibling Dean WAS SO FUNNY! I WANT MORE OF THAT

6. SAM WHAT THE FU-. Look. I hate John. I very much hate John. They set up the Sam/Dean dichotomy in regards to John first episode, and Sam acting more like an ass+like his dad is. Not making me like him. Also I feel like this was written to sympathize with Dean. Which makes the finale even more ironic, I feel.

7. Listen. Listen. One of you has to keep track of continuity. Like I know this becomes a WAY bigger problem later in the series, but if a certain writer wants to process/examine a certain part of the Life/Story(and they should, they set up a lot of interesting stuff), they have to keep track! Because then the show becomes everything all at once.

Like this show has ALREADY started feeling like fanfic of itself, where it just kinda does whatever it wants with its own concepts. And the concepts are GREAT! but you can TELL how inconsistent it is, even in the kripke era

like it ends up being Study of X, Riff on X! and I think that's where the inconsistency comes from. It's also why it's so fucking Excellent in places.

whelp this was a lot holy hell.

OH AND ONE MORE THING!

Bela didn't fit the narrative. That's why they didn't like her. I said at the beginning that an Int'l art thief does NOT fit the vibe of "grungy Angsty American Midwestern gothic" and I was right. With the lucifer story and the vibe she didn't fit, and so they just killed her as foreshadowing, and only used her like that. God I wish they'd riffed on her, especially because her callouts were all completely correct

we're Bela Salting again

listen she was preppy Jack Sparrow with some spiritualism, how dare you tell me not to like her.

#pawswatchesspn #4x19 jump the shark #this one was a lot of... #I mean I can't say fun #but it was interesting #...I accidentally fucking quoted Gandhi #this show truly is everyone's therapy and I mean that in the worst possible way #this is unrelated to the gandhi thing these are two separate thoughts #And Bedlund wrote on the head of a pin #which was cool #but HE WROTE MONSTER MOVIE! MY PROBABLY FAVORITE EPISODE! #and the fun wishing well one #ok listen if spn was the reason meta shit got popular #or it helped #most of that was cuz of bedlund #....bow down to bedlund for singehandedly popularizing my aesthetic holy hell

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Carry On (15x20)

Oh my god. Lol. So... did Andrew Dabb forget to read back through his finale script one final time before deciding it was finished? Because like... Dean says "if we don't keep living, all that sacrifice (Cas and Jack) will be for nothing." Cut to a comically short time later, where Dean dies and is just like "time to go, let's not keep fighting, I'm tired lol."

Like WHAT did I just witness. I'm so grateful, in this moment, to a little show called The Magicians, because in April of 2019 they ended their fourth season with such an egregiously terrible decision that I literally couldn't sleep for a week, I was shaking and intermittently sobbing, I had never felt so betrayed and devastated over any piece of media before. After that, I've sort of become numb to bad endings, and this is no exception. This episode was absolutely terrible and I'm just sort of like... meh. I'll ignore it. Whatever.

I do want to forego the usual "pro" and "con" sections in this review, and do a more traditional full-on ramble about my thoughts, because they're kind of convoluted, if I'm gonna be honest.

The first thing I want to say, is that this wasn't the worst finale I've ever seen. Objectively, it was a terrible episode of TV and an insulting wrap-up to a fifteen-year-show. But I have a very specific category for the worst finales ever, and those are the ones that provide endgame states for the characters that are... unfixable in a post-canon but still-canon-compliant world. So, for example, the How I Met Your Mother finale killed off the titular mother and betrayed years of buildup, and that's a real-world sitcom. There's no resurrecting people from that shit. Or like. Game of Thrones being an obvious recent example. The Rise of Skywalker is a good movie example.

This? It's a little different. The endgame state of Sam and Dean and Cas is that they all die and spend eternity in Heaven, where they get to be with all their loved ones. I mean, sure, we don't get to see that, we only get a throwaway line to imply that Cas made it out of Super Turbo Hell The Empty, but that's the endgame state of the characters. And that's more or less what I would have wanted, as like a... years after canon situation. Right? So yeah, this was a bad episode, but if I edit in the shit I wanted to see, none of it contradicts the canon in a way that's not workable. It's a sad world we've come to where this is all I can really grasp at, but there is a perverse sort of comfort in that.

So, should we talk now about how Dean dying is a betrayal of what they said this whole season, and maybe whole show was about? Ha. It's so ridiculous. It's embarrassing. I watched Dean's final moments and I was embarrassed for Jensen. For Dean. For all of us watching.

Just. Watch the end of 15x19 again, okay? Watch it, and hear what they're saying. Yay, we killed God, we killed the author of the story, which means we get to write our own stories, finally. We get to do that. After all this time, we're finally free. And what does freedom look like? It looks like Dean dying on a run of the mill hunt.

We get this little montage of Sam and Dean at the Bunker, you know? They're doing laundry and going on jogs and cuddling with Miracle the dog, and they're brushing their teeth and going on hunts, I guess. And the emotional resonance from that scene was just kind of... ennui? And boredom? And that's what's so terrible and depressing about this ending. It's so empty, because Dean didn't get to do the thing he said he was fighting for. Sure, he was always fighting for Sam, but he should have been able to fight for himself, too, right? He should have been able to fight for a life after the years of programming. He should have gotten to be a rock star or a chef or worked at an animal shelter or become a foster parent or grown old as Sam's brother, as an uncle to his kid. He should have been able to find love, if he wanted that.

Look, I'm not even mad that Dean died in a "mundane" way. It's not like "nooo Dean is too coooool to die in such a laaaame way, he's a bad-ass and he should have gone out in a blaze of glory!" That's actually not what I'm mad about at all. Sam died old in his bed, and Dean should have been able to do that too. This whole season, since finding out that Chuck was the ultimate big bad, was supposed to be about free will, and Dean never got to figure out a way to be happy and find peace. That's fucking dour and stupid.

I kept saying, in the buildup to this finale, that a depressing, grim-dark ending to this show would be a failing of the themes they set up, and, hey, they didn't go grim-dark, because the writers did not think this was grim-dark. They thought it was powerful and emotional and resonant. You can tell they thought that, even though they're... uh... what's the word. Wrong? Yeah. Wrong. You know what I realized while watching this? It was just a lamer, less resonant and appropriate version of Sam's sacrifice at the end of season five.

Right? Because after Sam yeets himself into hell to save the world, Dean just has to keep going, and as Cas says, "you got what you wanted, more of the same." Just... more of the same. And Dean couldn't hack it, he was miserable without Sam, and Sam came back and we got ten more years of the fucking show. And now... what, we just get that in the other direction? Because Sam is the strong one and can soldier on without Dean because his codependency was a little less crippling? Wow, what a great ending for him, I guess. It doesn't work because we've seen Sam without Dean, and he falls apart too.

And now the show ends with Sam alone. Sure, he gets married to a blur in the background and has a kid, but let me ask you a question, here. Did Sam... want to be a father? I didn't know that was a thing he wanted, that would make him happy, honestly. I had no idea. So this doesn't seem like it works as something even remotely satisfying as an endgame state for him either. It's bleak.

And it's bleaker because there's nobody else in this fucking episode, y'all. The other big theme in all of Supernatural, after "free will" would be "family don't end in blood." And guess what? Apparently it does? Apparently Sam and Dean are each other's whole worlds and nothing else matters? We get... an implied wider world but we don't get to see it. We don't get to see Eileen, Jody, Donna, anybody left alive for Sam. So from the standpoint of characters that we know and give a shit about, Sam loses Cas, Jack, and Dean and lives the rest of his life lonely and sad. Nobody else even comes to Dean's funeral. It's just Sam alone with the dog. Like... that's bleak.

This ending gave the fucking Wincest shippers everything their hearts could desire, for fuck's sake. Like. Why did they cater to that and not follow through on the idea that they had created a family and community beyond each other? You know, this thing called character growth?

To take a brief break from the negativity, I will say something here about Sam and Dean. In the weird hysterical euphoria of the whole Destiel thing a couple weeks ago, I lost sight of something, which is that for me, the draw of this show has always been the relationship between Sam and Dean. I was never a brothers-only person, but it was their fucked up codependent bond that drew me to the show over the years. I loved the idea of Destiel, but I never thought it was going anywhere, so really I loved Castiel, the character, separate from the context of his relationships. Having a big dramatic death scene where Dean says "I love you so much" and there's a forehead touch and Dean saying "it's always been you and me" and confesses that he was scared to get Sam at Stanford because he didn't know how to survive if he didn't have him, and to have Sam say "don't leave me" and then give Dean permission to go... I mean, all of this is catnip, right? All of this is great, like, in isolation, it was such an amazing "broment," as the fandom says. I mean, it made no sense with context, it was utterly insulting in every way, but Jensen and Jared acted their lil' hearts out and I could tell they were really in the moment.

So let's talk about Cas for a second, while I have you here... they never should have done the big gay confession. They just shouldn't have even fucking bothered. I'm telling you, that makes this whole thing worse. It felt completely intentional and weird that Dean never acknowledged the confession, never told Sam, never had a moment where he specifically reckoned with Cas' loss. But that's what I knew would happen. I knew it in my blood and bones, and as the meta started pouring in, I knew people were getting their hopes up for nothing. See, Cas saying "goodbye Dean" and the handprint on the arm... I knew that was their catharsis, that was the writers' and Misha's big goodbye to the character of Castiel. They thought they fucking nailed it. I knew we wouldn't see him again.

Like I said before, I have to be satisfied with an endgame state that doesn't totally suck, right? So, we get this throwaway line from Bobby that Jack fixed Heaven and made it not suck, and that Cas helped. This implies a multitude of things that are... comforting. At least Cas doesn't get that dour, dark, helpless oblivion that I worried he'd get. We can assume Jack plucked him out of the Empty, that he gets to be with his son, and that, if the fic writers so choose, Dean and Cas can have lots of gay sex up in Heaven. I think Misha not being in this finale was frankly a slap in the face to one of the biggest and most important characters the show has ever seen, you know? And I think that they kept him out of it so we could have Schrodinger's Destiel. Because if we'd seen Cas in heaven, and he hadn't confessed his big gay love, Dean could have been like: "hey Cas! Buddy! Good to see you, my friend." But since we did have the love confession, whatever Dean did upon seeing Cas would have to mean something in that context. So instead we didn't get to see him at all.

Which is stupid.

Also stupid is that the big sacrifice was to save Dean's life and then a couple weeks later he gets impaled on a rusty nail and dies anyway. Thanks for making the whole thing feel so utterly pointless and empty. No pun intended. Wow, they did Misha dirty, here, didn't they.

Turning back to Sam's ending, let's just talk about that for a minute. Like I said, I'm happy he got to live a long life and die an old man, what Dean always wanted for him. But nothing about that ending was more poignant because Dean was gone. In fact, it just made it super duper depressing and lame. There was no reason Dean couldn't have gotten a happy life, too. It adds nothing that he died young and unfulfilled. Like, you know how people joke about the end of the Titanic, where you see that Rose's Heaven is reuniting with Jack and everyone else on the ship, and people will say "well, gosh, that's kind of a slap in the face to Rose's family" since she clearly got married and had kids and grandkids? This is literally that! Like, having an ending where a young-again Sam Winchester gets to Heaven, and his whole Heaven, the thing that he needed to find peace after death, was a return to his brother... look, I'm not mad about that, but what the fuck about nameless blurry wife that we couldn't even confirm to be Eileen for some reason? What about everyone else?

And did Sam... keep hunting? Did he go to law school? Maybe there were background details that confirmed what he ended up doing with the rest of his life besides becoming a husband and father, but I didn't see evidence of it because I was too busy rolling my eyes out of my skull at how dumb this all was. So Sam just gets a generic "raking leaves in the yard" ending, like we saw for Dean at the end of season five, with nothing to challenge that. Even though we've seen why life outside of hunting, life without Dean, isn't satisfying for Sam, we're now supposed to accept it as how he spends the rest of his life, without seeing him put the work in to get there?

One thing I realized watching this episode is that it tries to play the middle. Like, with the Cas thing, they didn't want to make his noble gay sacrifice totally meaningless, so they couldn't just pop him back into the story, but they did give us one single throwaway line to reassure fans that he's not still in The Empty. So, people who don't give a shit about Cas can assume he's off being Jack's assistant and doesn't really interact with humans in Heaven. People who do give a shit about one of the show's main characters can assume that he has a home in Dean's little Heaven neighborhood too, and they all get to buddy around for eternity. People who don't like Eileen? Well, Sam married some nobody who we never got to meet. People who liked her? Well, you can't prove that wasn't Eileen, can you? Even Dean driving around in the impala waiting for Sam to die so he could finally be happy with his fucking soulmate or whatever. Time in Heaven is weird, Bobby says. It's metaphorical. You could assume that the driving montage was actually intercut with other moments, with Dean getting to see dear old mom (and dad, I guess, but ugh), and spending time with Bobby, with OG Charlie, with other familiar faces, and new ones as they finally reach their own deaths on Earth and come up to party with the rest of the gang.

Like, in a better show, in a world without Covid, maybe they had plans along these lines, to get more guest characters back and show Dean getting sappy hellos to a bunch of side characters in Heaven. To be quite honest, I would not have been mad about that. If you're going to make Dean die young and never give him the chance to find out who he could have been when the choices were all his own, which is, in case I haven't made that clear, a horrendous and insulting ending for his character... at the very least you could have given us the cheesiness of seeing him hug his friends in Heaven. Jeezus.

I want to hammer in this point one more time before I wrap up: they ended the show by saying that character development didn't matter. They had Dean's dying speech be a meta reference to the pilot episode of the show, they had him saying "it's always been you and me" and then they confirmed that with everything they had. Sam became a father, but did he have a happy life? Seems like he pined away for his dead brother for decades and then died. If the pilot had never happened, if Sam had stayed at Stanford and Dean had gone on hunting by himself, you know what would have happened? Sam would have had a "normal" life and married a woman and had a kid, I guess, and grown old, and Dean would have died fighting some vampires in a barn. This show has been on for fifteen years, and the ending did not honor anything about the journey the characters had been on.

A particularly egregious example is the early scene with the pie festival, where Sam is like "I'm sad about Cas and Jack" and Dean is like "if we don't go on living it won't honor their sacrifice" like... yeah, I get it, bringing people back from the dead time and time again is supposed to be a bad thing that Sam and Dean did for each other because they were selfish. So Sam giving Dean permission to go was supposed to be a growth moment. Sam and Dean accepting that Cas was gone and not even asking Jack to make sure he got sent to a happy eternity instead of oblivion, that's supposed to mean they've learned their lesson. And what a fucking lesson to leave things off on. Jesus, this is grim.

So like. As I try to figure out what to say at the end of this review, I will point out one glimmer of light in the darkness, which is that this finale isn't going to ruin the rewatchability of the show for me. I can still come back and re-watch without feeling like the whole thing is ruined by the ending. It's more than I can say for some other shows.

But honestly, if this was the ending we were going to get? Why the fuck not leave it open-ended? I did not enjoy 15x19 particularly well, but at least that episode left them on the open road, with a wide future ahead of them. Anything might have happened. It's their turn to write the story, right? Chuck is dead, the writer is "dead", the show is over, and now the possibilities are endless. That would have been an anticlimactic ending, for sure. But this ending just turns around and slaps the whole point of that first ending in the face and says "haha bitch you thought". They don't get to write their own stories. We see exactly how those stories end, and it's lame. Leave something to the imagination, yo. Leave it vague how and when they died, what their lives turned into. Show them in Heaven, getting to their peace at last, reuniting with their friends, including Cas. Put in a significant glance between Dean and Cas, and leave it to the internet to go wild about what it could mean. And never answer when fans ask "so what happened, when did they die? Did they keep hunting?" Just leave it vague. If this was the only ending they could come up with, I'd rather be left with questions.

This finale gets a low score from me, because they couldn't even pull on the right heartstrings to make me sentimental...

4/10

But the show as a whole? Well, it was a mess, and it had some seriously high highs and some devastatingly low lows. It's a bummer that the lowest low came in how they tried to wrap up the whole shebang, but like I said, this ending isn't going to ruin the whole fifteen-year run for me. We get to make up what happens next, and we can make Jack's new and improved Heaven our post-canon fix-it haven. I don't think there's ever been a show in my life quite like Supernatural. The fandom is so bonkers. The meta narrative of the show is so convoluted and twisty and goes in so many unexpected directions. I liked watching this show for its own sake, and also as like... an anthropologist trying to discover something about humanity and American values specifically. It wasn't always a pleasant experience, but it was one I know I'll never forget. My heart tells me to give the show as a whole a high score, representing the many, many hours of joy and dread and delight and horror I got over the near decade I've personally been watching. How do you wrap up fifteen years in a score out of ten?

9/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn #spn 15x20 #spn finale #lol y'all #it's been a JOURNEY