Summary: Y/N (stylist!yn) applies to be a styling intern for the One Direction crew during the Where We Are tour. As she gets better at her job and closer to the band and crew (especially Harry Styles), some of her dreams seem to be coming true, but so are some of her fears.
~~~~~
CHAPTER 29 -
I COME ALIVE WHEN I HEAR YOUR VOICE
A/N: Fun! I'm having fun writing these chapters! I hope you're having fun reading them!? Thanks to @behindmygreyeyes for letting me talk out my ideas and get some perspective for this chapter. And as always, Mae @watermelonsugacry for putting up with every single question I ask.
>> Warnings: Some language, a little angsty (I think?)
~~~~~
June 13th, 2015 - Concert Day
Since your little emotional breakdown a week ago in Cardiff, you've been trying to avoid any run-ins with Harry. It's too difficult to see him with Candice. You want to keep away so you can keep yourself together.
You get to the Brussels show venue early, as you usually do, to get things done quickly. You put out a plain black t-shirt and black jeans for Harry, disappointed that he's not taking many style risks anymore. Niall will get a white long sleeve shirt and denim jeans. You make a mental note to encourage him, again, to venture out.
You make your way down to catering, hoping to grab a quick smoothie, and then keep yourself busy the rest of the time.
"Oi! Y/N!" Louis shouts from behind you, as you walk down the hallway.
You swivel around.
"I've been looking for ya!" He says, bounding up to you.
"What's up? You're so… bouncy…"
"I'm pumped up right now!" He grins.
"Why's that?"
"It's the first time we are performing 'No Control' live!" Louis exclaims.
"No way!" Your mouth drops open.
"You've gotta come watch!"
You suddenly tense up.
Louis grabs your shoulders. "It would mean a lot to me, but you don't have to, love."
Your heart flutters knowing that you want to support Louis, even if you don't want to see Harry.
[But he will be moving around on stage, it won't be too bad]
"I'll be there Tommo. I won't miss it." You smile.
"You're the best, babe!"
"I know." You giggle. "I'll see you out there."
You turn back around and make your way to catering again, needing that smoothie now even more.
[Definitely not a coffee, your nerves are now on full alert as it is]
~~~~~
<< HARRY'S POV >>
He hasn't stopped thinking and worrying about you since that last show in Cardiff. Niall told him it's not his job anymore, and he is probably right, but even as just a friend, he wants to make sure you're okay.
Only… he doesn't think he can be your friend. Not just your friend. He wants to uncomplicate those feelings, even by a small amount.
Harry woke up early and ran down to grab some coffees while Candice still slept. His mind was racing, and he just wanted this morning to move by quickly.
He arrives back at the room to see Candice sitting up in the bed.
"There you are." She smiles.
"Sorry, went to get drinks." He states, handing her one of the coffee cups.
He sits on the edge of the bed and takes a sip of his black coffee, staring at it as he holds it in his hands.
"Candice…"
"Yep."
"I…" he sighs. "I'm so sorry. I… umm… I have to end this."
She chokes a little on her coffee and scoots next to him on the bed.
"What?"
He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I need to end it. It's not fair to yo-"
"Not fair? Not…" She scoffs. "It's Y/N."
"Huh?" He asks, lifting his head up in her direction.
"It's Y/N, right? You have feelings for her." She states.
Harry sighs for the third time. He opens his mouth but words can't come out, so he just looks her in the eye with an apologetic expression.
"I can see it, Harry. Every time you're around her." She sighs and shakes her head. "I was wrong to think I could change that."
"I'm sorry Candice. I did like what we ha-"
"But you wasted my time, Harry!" She shouts, a few tears forming in her eyes.
"I thought I could get over her, that I would be over her!" He admits.
"Over her?" She growls.
"Shit." He mutters. "Y/N and I dated last year."
"Right." She nods. "So, I was just a rebound. Someone to get over her with? I really didn't stand a chance, did I?"
He groans. "I didn't think-"
"No, you didn't think, at all. You didn't think about how it would hurt me!" She covers her face with her hands. "You shouldn't have dragged me into this."
He runs his hand through his long curly hair and then over his face.
"I feeling fucking terrible." He shakes his head.
She sits there, silent.
"Everything is so fucked up." He adds.
"Yeah, it is. What you did is really fucked up." She inhales deeply and puts her hand on his. "Just don't fuck it up with her, okay?"
His eyes shoot over to hers. "What?"
"You fucked it up with me… but… it was never me you really wanted." She looks down at her coffee. "So… just… don't fuck it up with her. Don't break her heart too."
He winces. "I already did." He whispers.
"Oh." She replies. "Well… if she's worth all this bullshit then fix it."
[Can't really do that, you're with someone else]
"I'm really sorry, Candice. I really am."
"Shockingly, I believe you." She responds.
He gives her a little smile, but she gives him a little frown back with hers.
"But that doesn't mean you're not an asshole for this." She adds.
"Fair enough." He nods.
"Let me get my things. I'll be out of here soon."
~~~~
Harry gets to the venue early, knowing that's what you like to do, being the hard-worker that you are. He doesn't even know what he's doing, or what he wants to say, but he wants to see you.
Walking through the halls, searching for you, he comes up to the dressing room, but stops before getting to the doorway.
"So, what exactly happened with Ryan?" Niall asks, clearing his throat.
[Something happened with Ryan?]
"They broke up." Natalie replies.
[Broke up?]
"Why?"
"Oh, the dickhead didn't want her coming back on tour!" Harry hears her scoff. "He basically almost demanded that she stay."
"What? Asshole." Niall states.
"And he accused her of cheating with Harry."
[What a wanker]
"Woah. That's rough."
"He was always jealous of Harry because Y/N… well… you know…" She states.
"Is she okay?"
"About the breakup? Yeah. She's the one that ended it."
"That's our girl!" Niall chuckles.
"But about Harry? I don't know." She states. "I think she still fucking loves that idiot."
[What? You still love him? Okay, now he has definitely got to find you]
He doesn't wait any longer and walks through the doorway, pretending he didn't hear anything the two of them were just talking about.
"Hey, Nat, where's Y/N?"
She gasps as she turns around from the sudden surprise of him being there.
"What the fuck, Harry?" She shouts.
"For fucks sake, man!" Niall adds.
"M'sorry… but… please?" Harry begs.
She puts her hands on her hips and shrugs. "I don't know. Busy somewhere?"
Harry looks around, as if he'll find you standing right there. He sighs.
"Why are you trying to find her?" Niall asks.
Harry's eyes switch back and forth between their faces. "I just want to talk to her."
"Candice doesn't care that you're roaming the halls looking for Y/N?" Natalie snaps.
"I… no… I broke up with her this morning."
"You broke up with the Victoria's Secret supermodel?" She asks.
"Yes…" He responds.
"Really? Why?"
"We, umm… we just weren't working out."
Natalie folds her arms across her chest and Niall raises his eyebrow at him.
"Mhmm…" Niall states, quizzically.
Harry rolls his eyes and throws his arms up in the air. "For fucks sake. She wasn't Y/N, okay? Is that what you want me to say?"
The two look at each other and chuckle. "Yeah, pretty much." Niall replies, letting out a big laugh.
"Look, Harry, she's hurting enough. Don't stir things up any more than they already are. Please." Natalie asserts. "She deserves to be happy."
He nods. "I know. I want her to be happy."
"Wait…" Natalie says, scooting a little closer to Harry. "You broke up with Candice to be with Y/N?"
Harry furrows his brow. "No. I knew, well I thought, she was still with Ryan. I didn't know they broke up."
Natalie inhales sharply. "Oh, you heard that? Damn. So… you… broke up with Candice figuring you don't even have a chance with Y/N?"
Harry nods and clears his throat. "Yes."
"Damn it, Styles!"
"What?" He asks, eyes widened.
She squints at him. "I was still leaning towards hating you."
~~~~~
As time gets closer to the start of the show, you and Natalie hide out in the common room with a handful of the other crew.
You are fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, staring down as you roll it up, and then down again.
"Honey, we don't have to go out there." Natalie states.
You clear your throat. "I just want to support Louis."
She sighs.
"And we can stand on the other side this time." You add.
"Alright. For Louis." She nods.
"Plus, I can't wait to hear and see it live." You admit.
"It's going to be yummy." She winks at you.
"Not family friendly."
~~~~~
'Diana' is about halfway through when you walk out from backstage. You take a deep breath.
[It will not be like last time. You're on the opposite side. And it's a completely different song anyway]
As soon as 'No Control' starts to play, and Niall starts to sing, the crowd goes crazy with cheers. You join in, but only shortly, as you realize that Harry is walking by on the side where you are standing.
[Why does the universe hate you so much?]
(No Control)
Sweet, where you lay
He spots you, but it's a blank look. Not a smile. Not a frown. Just… blank. Almost like he would be gulping if he weren't singing. Surprise? Nerves?
Just a trace of innocence
on the pillowcase
Something hits him in the stomach, and you can't help but laugh as he bends over and gives a silly expression.
The chorus starts and you turn your attention to Louis. He is on the other side, but you can still see him, and beam with pride as he sings out. This is his song, for sure.
Taste, on my tongue
I don't want to wash away
the night before
Harry runs his hands down his body as Liam songs his verse. You roll your eyes a bit, and notice he took a quick glance at you again. But it feels a bit awkward, because he's not serenading you or anything, he's just… looking…
"I thought Harry would dance around more." Natalie states, leaning in so she doesn't have to about too loud.
"Yeah, you're right. Maybe he doesn't feel good?"
She chuckles. "Or he could just be distracted by the fact that you're here."
"Stop." You glare at her.
"No, I mean, like he wasn't expecting it."
You shrug. "Maybe."
When the second chorus starts, you turn your attention back to the other guys, and throw up your best 'rock on' hand gesture when Niall looks down at you, jamming out on his guitar.
Harry walks over to him right then and points his fingers over him in his Mick Jagger impersonation. It always gets a laugh out of Niall, and you can't help but giggle too.
Right after that, Harry starts walking closer to your spot, but turns back around when he looks at you again.
[You thought this may be upsetting and sad for you, but this is just weird]
Niall nails the bridge and Louis starts the last chorus, giving you a bit of relief that the awkwardness will soon end.
The pedal's down
My eyes are closed
No control
The song ends and Harry's hair falls in his face. As he flips it forward a bit more, he glances over to you one last time through his curly locks.
You can't help but frown, turning to Natalie and motioning for the both of you to head backstage again.
As soon as you are through the curtain, you whip around to face her.
"Is it just me, or was Harry being really weird?" You ask.
"I don't know." She shrugs, looking away from you quickly. "He's weird as it is."
You chuckle.
You both tidy up the dressing room and start packing up. Amelia walks in with a big smile, as she sees you two.
"My angels. My job is so easy with you two here." She walks over to help, and scoots right up next to you as you remove clothing from the racks.
She leans in. "Are you glad Candice is gone?"
"Oh. I didn't know she went home." You reply. "Thought she'd stay longer."
She chuckles. "Right. Well, I'm sure she would have if they didn't break up…"
Your eyes shoot over to her. "What?"
"Oh! You didn't know? Shit." Her gaze snaps over to Natalie, whose mouth stretches out in an uncomfortable and guilty expression.
You glare at her. "No I didn't."
"Well… I'm just… gonna get a snack or something and just not… be here…" Amelia states, immediately walking out of the dressing room.
"What the fuck, Nat?"
"What?" She throws her hands up in defense.
"Why didn't you tell me?" You ask.
"I… I don't know… you've been so upset lately… that's why I didn't say anything, and why I told him to stay back." She admits.
"You what?"
She walks over and puts her hands on your shoulders. "Y/N/N, I'm sorry. I just… I hate seeing you hurting. Especially since I had been pushing you to feel your feelings, and go after what you wan-"
"It's not your fault, Nat!" You interrupt. "And… it was actually nice."
She drops her hands and raises her eyebrow.
"I mean… it was nice to…" you clear your throat. "To feel loved. Even for a moment."
Tears start welling up in both of your eyes.
"Are you going to talk to him?"
Confusion takes over you again. You feel sick and giddy all at the same time. You're not sure if you want to open that door again.
"I don't know." You sigh. "I just… I don't know."
~~~~~
June 19th, 2015 - Concert Day
You have stayed away from Harry again, trying to process all of the confusion that once again seems to be clouding your mind.
Even with the limited styling options, you've kept yourself busy, and today will be no exception. But first thing on the agenda, Lou invited you to get dolled up a bit this morning. She has so much fun doing it and you aren't one to turn down that offer.
With your makeup done and your hair curled, you have a little pep in your step when you get back to the dressing room. You find the Bluetooth speaker Amelia has been using while the three of you work, and you embarrassingly decide to play one the 'Four' album.
[The songs have been stuck in your head lately, so why not let them out?]
(Steal My Girl)
She be my queen
Since we were sixteen
We want the same things
We dream the same dreams
Alright
Alright
You dance around as you hang up the clothes. You stand back and look at Niall's rack.
[One day you'll get him in a printed shirt]
I know, I know
I know for sure
You instinctually pretend you are sliding your fingers along the neck of a bass guitar, just as you saw Harry do that time they performed at Universal Studios.
A huge laugh erupts from behind you and you spin around.
"M'sorry." He covers his mouth with his hand.
Your mouth is halfway open and words seem to be dissolving in your brain.
"That was funny." He states. "No, like, amazing, because… umm… because you copied what I did…" he sighs.
[You have got to stop singing around here]
"Yeah." You try to clear the lump in your throat. "Umm… so… what's up? Do you need help with something?"
His expression drops. "No. I just, umm, wanted to say hi. Haven't seen ya… in a while."
"Yeah. I've been busy lately."
[Lie. Kind of a lie]
"Right. Okay. I'll let you get back to it." He gives the most subtle smile and turns to walk out.
Your heart starts to race and your breathing quickly becomes rapid. You don't want him to leave just yet.
"Harry!"
He spins around fast, eyes wide.
"I found a shirt the other day. And, well, I grabbed it for you. Just as an option. If you wanted to switch it up at all."
You feel as if you just word vomited all over the place, but feel a sense of relief when his smile grows and he walks closer.
"M'kay. Let's see it."
You turn back to the rack and let out the deep breath you didn't realize you had been holding it.
You grab the plain, cream button up shirt with extremely subtle cream texture detail on it.
"It's not wild. More of an in-between option of your previous styles." You shrug.
He beams a wide grin. "Are you bored with the t-shirts?"
"Oh god, yes!" You blurt out, smacking your forehead with your palm. "Sorry."
He chuckles. "S'alright."
"Why did you stop wearing the fun button ups?" You ask.
He starts to blush, but then he frowns and looks to the ground, shrugging.
"Didn't care much anymore."
"But you wore some when I visited South Africa, and for the shows in Cardiff…"
He clears his throat. "Yeah, well." He looks up at you and meets your gaze.
You inhale, sharply but quietly, then look back at the shirt you're holding, before he can see the blushing that wants to appear on your face too.
"Well, this is just an option to throw into the mix."
"I want to wear it." He replies.
"Yeah?"
He nods. "Yeah."
You smile and set it at the front of his rack. You try to reset your face while you're facing away from him, but it's not working. Then, as if your brain switches off, you hear yourself talking about something you shouldn't really care about.
"Hey." You state, still not turning to face him. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Candice."
"What?" His tone changes, and you can tell he isn't smiling anymore, so you turn to face him.
"You two broke up, right?" You wince. "Rumors… ya know?"
"Yeah." He frowns a bit. "It just… wasn't working."
"Oh."
"And, umm, I'm sorry to hear about you and Ryan… ya know, rumors." He smirks.
"It wasn't working either." You shrug.
"He should've been supportive. He shouldn't have tried to make you to stay." He growls. "He's a dickhead."
You chuckle. "To be fair, you never liked him."
"F'course not! What's to like?"
You chuckle again and shake your head. His eyes seem to graze over your head and back to your face.
"Did you visit Lou?" He smirks.
You giggle. "Yeah." You touch your hair a bit. "She's been playing around with it here and there."
"It… it looks really nice."
"Thank you." You mutter. "Yeah… so…"
"So." He replies.
"I should probably…" you point over your shoulder to the clothing racks.
"Right. Yeah." He replies.
You turn around, holding onto the rack and closing your eyes, trying to stabilize your breathing.
"Y/N?"
"Yeah?" You twirl back around to face him.
"Wanna come watch a song?"
You inhale, sharply and quietly again.
"You know, like, dance and sing to a live One Direction song, instead of from a speaker." He smirks.
You glare at him. "Hmm."
He clears his throat. "Please?"
The breath is taken from you again, and you feel that familiar but long absent feeling.
[Butterflies]
"Okay." You smile. "Which one…?"
He points to the speaker. "That one."
~~~~~
Natalie is standing there, in the dressing room, with her hands on her hips.
"I'm so fucking confused. So… you're going to watch a song? Again?"
You shrug. "Yeah?"
"And why?"
"He asked me to." You reply. "Well, he asked if I wanted to."
"And you said yes?"
You nod.
"Why?"
You frown slightly, but stop to think, because you don't actually have a specific answer for her.
"I don't know. I just want to. Feels like it'll be fun this time." You start to feel that inconvenient heat rise in your cheeks, so your drop your gaze downward.
"Okay, cool! If it'll be fun, can I come?" Natalie asks, causing you to snap your head back up.
"I thought that was a given…"
~~~~~
<< HARRY'S POV >>
As the guys are gearing up to go out on stage, Harry feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.
:natalie: are you stirring things up again?
:harry: no, i'm not trying to
:natalie: because she is happy today
:natalie: and i don't want to see her hurt again
:harry: i don't want to either
He sees the typing bubble appear, and then disappear, but then reappear again.
:natalie: which side should we be standing on
He gets the biggest smile on his face, then excitement and energy pump through his body.
:harry: your left, looking at the stage
~~~~~
You and Natalie decide to just head out there for the beginning of the show, since 'Steal My Girl's will be playing right after 'Clouds'.
The crowd is loud and vibrant. You love and have missed the energy, and now you think you can finally enjoy it again.
You watch as Harry moves all around the left side of the stage. You realize what you're doing and look back to the others, watching them have their own fun. Liam is doing his usual dancing and twirling, Niall is rocking out on his guitar, and Louis does his little bounce in place.
The next song is the one you've come to see and you get anxious.
"You good?" Natalie asks.
"Yeah! Great actually." You reply, unintentionally biting your lower lip a bit.
"Okay." She smirks, shaking her head.
She be my queen
Since we were sixteen
We want the same things
We dream the same dreams
Alright
Alright
Harry's bouncing around a little, singing to fans, and seems to recognize someone in the crowd.
When Niall's part comes up, Harry does the move that he had made fun of you for doing earlier.
[Why is it so hot when he does it?]
You try to shake your thoughts off and just enjoy the song as Liam starts the next verse. But your eyes are moving over to Harry again. You can't help it.
While they are singing their last 'na na na' of the chorus, Harry looks down at you and smiles. It sends a rush of goosebumps all over your skin.
She belongs to me
It takes you back to the times he invited you to watch them perform 'Right Now' last year. The same giddiness and butterflies fill your stomach.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm and control yourself.
As Niall sings his next part, you look straight up to Harry, waiting to see if he does his move again.
I know, I know
I know for sure
Sure enough, he licks his finger and pretends to slide his other hand up the neck of a bass guitar. He looks over at you and grins.
[You need to stop getting flustered]
You start to feel warm all over, and suddenly become very aware of how you're reacting, especially because it switches when he starts singing about never letting her down before.
It tightens your chest a little.
The guys start to move down the walkway, so you are able to shake it off and go back to belting out the rest of the song, like Harry had suggested you do.
The song comes to an end, so you and Natalie make your way backstage
You reach the dressing room and Natalie gently grabs your wrist to turn you around.
"So, what's going on, Y/N?" She asks.
"What do you mean?"
"I just want to know where you stand, how you're feeling."
"What the hell are you talking about?" You cross your arms over your body.
"Y/N/N, you were humming the song all the way back here!" She puts her hands on her hips.
"So? I like the song…" you scowl.
"And maybe also like the person who was standing in front of you and singing it?" She raises one eyebrow at you.
"I… well… I mean, yes. You know how I feel." You state. "But it was just… fun!"
"If you say so." She rolls her eyes.
"Why do you care anyway?" You ask, matching her stance with your hands on your hips. "You hate Harry."
She clears her throat. "He fucked up, big time. I hate that he hurt you."
"But…"
"But… You seem happy today, and I love that."
You walk over to your best friend and grab her face. "It was just the song."
[Except it wasn't]
"Okay, honey."
"I think."
She swats your arm and shakes her head.
"You're impossible."
"Trust me." You reply. "I'm annoying myself too."
~~~~~
You hear the fireworks and the cheering that occurs during 'Best Song Ever' and you finish packing up the stuff for the trip to the next show.
Thudding of footsteps can be heard in the hallway and the guys all pop into the room.
"Fuck, I'm knackered, lads." Louis exclaims.
"I do just want to go to bed." Niall agrees.
"Then what are you doing here?" You chuckle.
They both look over at you. "Love, it's ritual now. We come back here after the last show in each place. Since there was only one here, that's tonight." He nods.
"You came to see me? Aww shucks, you don't need to do that!" You joke, dramatically holding one hand on your chest and waving the other towards them bashfully.
"Oh geez. We've lost her, lads. She's gone insane." Niall states.
You all laugh.
Harry follows Liam through the doorway, and he grabs a water bottle before making his way over to you.
"So?" He asks.
"So… what?"
"Feedback?"
"Oh! Yeah! Definitely better live!" You chuckle.
He gives you a wink and those old butterfly friends of yours return.
"Told ya." He smirks. "Kinda like old times right?"
"What?"
"You coming to watch part of the show… me asking what you thought… now all we need is cooki-"
You don't even realize you have a tear until it starts to trickle down your face. You frantically whip around, pretending to cough, and wipe it away.
[Hopefully he didn't see that embarassing display]
He shoves his pants into his jean pockets and let's out a deep sigh. "It's just nice, to be friends again."
"Yeah." You smile. "It is."
His eyes are glued on yours and he scoots closer, causing your entire body to tense up as you can feel his warmth and smell in his aroma. It takes your breath away and you have to remind yourself to let in some air.
[Keep. Your. Composure]
"C'mon lads, time to go! Dad is getting grumpy." Louis shouts, as he points to Liam.
You exhale in a big sigh, and you swear you can just barely hear him growl. He clears his throat and stands up straight.
"Maybe I'll see ya around." He winks.
"Maybe…" You shrug jokingly.
They all walk out and Natalie comes bounding up to you.
"Yeah… okay… it was just the song…" she squints at you.
"Mhmm." You smirk. "Just the song."
~~~~~
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1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 5
2. Word count posted for the year: 46,825
3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction
4. Pairings: Liam/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Zayn/Louis, Louis/Harry
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: all the small things
Bookmarks: all the small things
Comments: me and you is all I’ve ever know
the rest under the cut!
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): this one is hard if I’m being honest. I think it’s a tie between All The Small Things and Me and You is All I’ve Ever Known. With ATST, it came so easily to me, and it was for my very first fest. It was the first story that I said, yea okay. It’s actually good. But with Me and You, I worked on it for over two years and when I finally finished it, it was the most accomplished I had felt in soooo long. I can’t choose between the two.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I do love all of them honestly, but I think if I had to choose, it would be But I Know I’m Better With You. It was a last minute thing that I wrote in like two hours and it was more because I was going through some shit and needed to put my feelings into words and writing was the only way I could do that.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: Anything that was left on Me and You really. Every one was soooo fucking nice. Each and every one told me how much they cared and loved and related to the story and it warmed my heart.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Writing Storm Warning for sure! December is my hardest time in my personal life and I knew I wanted it to be incredible because it was a secret santa. If you can’t tell, I write rare pairs and Louis/Harry is so out of my realm and I switched prompts like 3 or 4 times trying to make it amazing
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: As stated above, writing Louis/Harry is definitely not one I would have expected. Also anything with smut because I suck at it lol. Oh! And a genderswap, I did that too.
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from Me and You
Louis laughed lightly but stopped walking abruptly. Zayn had to catch himself before he fully ran into him and looked around. They were still a good five blocks before they reached either of their streets. “Why did you stop walking?”
Louis swallowed roughly and Zayn watched as he curled his fingers into a fist. “Because I had to think for a second.”
“And you couldn’t do that while we walked?” Zayn wondered, his brain slowly coming out of its cloudy haze.
“No. Because I needed to know if it was even a good idea,”
Zayn rolled his eyes and raised his arms and let them fall back beside his thighs. “If what was a good idea, Louis?”
Before Zayn had a chance to blink, a hand was gripping his waist, pulling him close. “Tell me if this is a bad idea.” Louis whispered, barely able to open his mouth enough that his lips weren’t already brushing Zayn’s. The black haired man let his eyes shut slowly, his eyelashes fanning his cheek bones.
When Zayn couldn’t think of any words, it seemed like Louis took the silence as a go ahead and closed his lips around Zayn’s, pressing back slowly until Zayn’s back hit a light pole. Zayn sighed and kissed back tentatively, the warmth drowning him. Louis’s hands wandered up Zayn’s sides, stopping on Zayn’s cheeks, holding him there and deepening the kiss. Eventually they had to come up for air, and leaned their foreheads together.
They were silent as they breathed in the same air, both of their chests rising and falling rapidly.
“I love you. I still love you.” Louis whispered, his hands dropping back to Zayn’s sides. “I never stopped loving you.”
Zayn whimpered and bit his lip. He couldn’t do this, not with the fog of alcohol still muddling his thoughts, his emotions overwhelming his entire being.
“I- I can’t do this Lou. Not now. It was.. It was a bad idea.” He mumbled and quickly slipped out of Louis' grip and walked down the street, his hands back in his pockets and his head tucked low. He bit back the tears as Louis called his name from where he left him.
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Believing in myself. Imposter syndrome kicks my ass, often, and I learned sometimes I need to take a step back.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: See above, but also, stopping with procrastination. I need to manage time better and not put things off until the very last minute,
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Honestly, I’m not good at making friends, even within the fandom, but there’s definitely a few!
First is always @wabadabadaba She is forever my first internet best friend, she gets when I’m overwhelmed, she knows what I mean when I send 👉🏻👈🏻, and she never doubts my abilities, even when I do!
@imasmallbi even though we both suck at texting, she is my by best hype woman ever and she has set the bar so fucking high that I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone that can beat it.
And basically everyone within the @writerscornercafe, even though I’m not on too much, they are so supportive and excited for everything. Knowing there is a community that understands what I’m going through is so comforting and calming and I so appreciate it.
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Um, not really. Writing I Know It’s Weird was a little odd because it was about sexual identity and I used some therapy conversations that I had myself. But other than that, no, nothing of my real life
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Just breathe and believe in it. Believe in yourself, in your ability to write a story that you believe in. Pick the silly prompts, pick the dramatic ones, pick whatever you want because at the end of the day, you have to be comfortable with what you want to put in the world
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have been working on an ot5 a/b/o pack story and I really want to get it done next year!
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. Um like I said, i don’t have too many friends and idk who’s already done this, but anyone who hasn’t already, I’d love to read!
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