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#yeah cas is an accidental cult leader
wildwomanbluess · 3 years
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I do often think about a canon divergence au where the hell deal never happened (Sam didn’t die) but castiel was still cast out of heaven for the crack in his chassis along with anael / sister jo. they still held onto their grace unlike anna because they still served the lord but chose to serve his creation instead without the interference of their family. they grow jaded in their exploits, of both god, their family and humanity. whilst jo maintains her faith healing— castiel runs a retreat in the woods with his speciality in healing the mind / healing memories. it’s flagged up as Just Another Cult. dean stumbles across his retreat in the woods on a motw case and cas is the monster. cas is the thing that goes bump in the night. his retreat is cut off from technology. they chant in tongues in the morning becuase it’s the closest castiel can get to his connection to angel radio. he layers on thick smokey soft clothing and his hands are scarred over thick with blistered stars from where his true form’s heat has eaten through the skin. from where his true form has gorged itself on the most painful memories. castiel says it keeps him aware of suffering, aware of the way that humans hurt each other so he keeps his distance. they’re rats in a maze to him. he may be just as broken as they, but at least he knows to stop hitting the pleasure button til he convulses and drops down dead. his hair is longer. every mirror is covered in gauze and heavy towels because castiel still sees through an angels eyes and sees the fragility of his true form reflected back at him! dean hates him at first, thinks he’s just a no good freak who thinks he can mess with people’s heads. who’s he to play god (castiel flinches at this mention, the same way dean drops his eyes to the floor when John’s name is resurrected in conversation) eventually, turns out the motw was never castiel. he and dean share a very intimate discussion, all held beneath gauze just the way that castiel’s reflection is because they can’t stand to see themselves in one another so much. dean asks castiel if he would rewrite his memories. take away each time his dad fell asleep on the floor smelling of a whiskey death rattle. scrub him clean of john’s aggression. only the righteous father. only the just. castiel shakes his head. if he did that, Dean would just have A head full of rose tinted polaroids with the absent father as the main focal point. He’d be just like his brothers and sisters. and castiel can’t stand to see dean follow the path that so naively went before. he takes dean’s jaw in his warped hand. he will not take the memories of this man’s broken father, but tonight he will give him the gift of a new memory, a new deity to worship. he will break off his own rib, fold it into the clay of this man’s body and mould him into a deserving altar. the kind that one day, he may kneel at and pray to.
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