#yeah i love both of them and believe that cassian also needs a hug

[princessyuwa]

New Mood: Give Cassian and Nesta a group hug.

#a court of silver flames #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian #yeah i love both of them and believe that cassian also needs a hug #mom & dad

[snelbz]

Life As We Know It {Chapter Three}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Tara’s blogs! >> @tacmc.

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Nesta sat across the kitchen table in Azriel and Elain’s kitchen, looking at her sister.

“I mean, I just don’t get it,” Nesta continued, shaking her head. “Me and Cassian… Why didn’t they choose you and Azriel? You’ve been together forever and want a big family.”

“You’re second guessing taking care of Nyx?” Elain asked, with no judgement, just curiosity.

“No, of course not,” Nesta began, sighing. “It’s just… Me and Cassian?”

“They did try to set you two up all those years ago,” Elain said, propping an elbow on the table and dropping her chin in her hand.

Nesta raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “And how well did that work out?”

Elain rolled her eyes, but sighed. “Feyre was right though,” she said, looking at the letter from Rhys and Feyre, laying face down on the table. Nesta had brought it over for Elain to read, which had just made them both start crying over again. “You have the fiercest heart. Nyx needs you in his life.”

She blinked away the tears lining her eyes again. Silently, she wondered when she’d be able to think about her sister, about Rhys again, without dissolving into tears. She knew it would be a long while.

Finally, she said, “I know he does. I just don’t understand why Cassian has to be involved. That’s not going to be a healthy environment for him to grow up in.”

She could already see it, she and Cassian at each other’s throats. He knew how to get under her skin, loved to do it, did it as often as he could. It would be all Nyx saw as he grew up, his guardians screaming at each other.

“He needs to be somewhere happy and loving and peaceful. Like here, Lainy. He’d flourish here, with you and Az and Seph.”

Elain gave her sister a long, wistful look. Her eyes were soft and misty when she said, “We’re just learning to take care of one, Nes. I can’t… We can’t take on another infant. And, besides, it wasn’t what Feyre and Rhys wanted.”

“They probably wrote that the second they got engaged,” Nesta said, knowing that wasn’t true. “They didn’t know what they wanted.” Elain glanced at the open letter that sat on the table between them. “I read it. They knew exactly what they wanted for Nyx in case something happened to them, and I think that they were right. Just because you and Cassian can’t see it doesn’t mean that it’s not a good idea.”

“The lawyer will disagree with that,” Nesta muttered, remembering Tarquin’s words from their meeting. I tried to advise them against this. She shivered. “The thought of living with Cassian and playing house has me nauseous. And pissed off. So pissed off that I’m nauseous.”

Elain sighed again. “He really is a-.”

“A good guy,” Nesta interrupted, letting her head fall into her hands. Her fingers tugged in the roots slightly. “I know. You keep telling me that. Feyre always told me that. Everyone keeps telling me that. But the two of us?” She looked up at Elain, letting her see into those eyes that matched Feyre’s perfectly, letting her see the slight panic in them, letting her see everything. “We aren’t compatible. Everything about him, it throws me off.”

A cry from down the hall had both of the women standing, but when Nesta realized it was Nyx, she hurried out of the kitchen. In a flash, she was in the spare room, crossing to the small crib Elain and Az had set up for Feyre and Rhys when they found out they were pregnant.

Nyx’s blue eyes were wide and he let out another tortured wail and Nesta tried to soothe him before he was even in her arms. “It’s okay, bubba,” she cooed, holding him against her chest. He kept crying, though the volume of his screams lessened. Instead they were more akin to what Nesta would have almost called sobs.

“It’s been a long day,” she breathed. “I think we should go home, yeah?”

She gathered his diaper bag from where it laid on the bed and when she entered the living room, Elain was sitting on the couch, reading over the letter again. Quiet tears slid down her cheeks.

“I’m gonna get him home,” Nesta said, softly. She repeated, “It’s… It’s been a long day.”

Nodding, Elain folded the letter back up and wiped at the tears on her face with the back of her hand. “Right.” She held the letter out to Nesta, who took it, careful not to jostle Nyx who had finally quieted down, though Nesta could tell he was still awake.

His little hand was pressed to the side of her neck, and she could feel it moving gently.

“Call me if you need anything,” Elain said, carefully hugging her and pressing a kiss to the top of Nyx’s head. “Az and I will help you move what you need to into the house, so don’t hesitate to ask.”

Nesta could only nod, still unsure of how she was going to do this, how she was going to live her life, while also taking care of the far more precious one in her arms. She silently left, driving home and getting Nyx inside and settled, letting him sit in the Bumbo seat she’d found in the kitchen atop the counter while she cooked dinner.

After putting him down for bed, Nesta found herself sitting on the balcony off of Rhys and Feyre’s old bedroom. She looked out into the small wood that made up their backyard, over the pool and chairs that had been set up for the approaching summer, but her eyes were drawn up to the stars that Velaris was famous for.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she whispered, not sure if she was admitting it to herself or to Rhys and Feyre, listening to her wherever they were. “I’m so scared I’ll do something wrong.”

The sounds of crickets and other manner of nighttime creatures were the only reply she received.

“I know you believed in me, in us, but I don’t. I want to make you both proud but I don’t know if I can do that. I just need something to tell me that I’m not making a huge mistake and-.

She softly gasped as a shooting star went blazing across the sky, a second one following it right after.

Her lip trembled as she nodded up at the night sky, understanding, knowing who had sent those stars. She almost felt like she could feel them there, as if they were telling her that it would be hard, but she could do it.

And she… she didn’t have to do it alone.

*

Cassian wasn’t at Az and Elain’s for thirty seconds before he crossed to the mini-fridge Azriel kept stocked in the garage.

“There’s no way they thought this was a good idea,” he said, pacing around, Azriel silently watching him. “It’s a sick joke, just like all of this is. There’s another letter somewhere that says just kidding, wouldn’t that be funny though?”

He cracked open the beer and drank it all in one go.

“I mean, Rhys and I always messed around and shit, but…this is too far,” he went on, tossing the can in the garbage and reaching for another one.

Azriel crossed his arms as he said, “Too many of those and you may think it’s funny, too.”

Cassian shot him a look as he drank from his can. “This isn’t funny. None of this is funny.”

Azriel took a deep breath before saying, “Did you stop to think that maybe they knew exactly what they were doing?”

Cassian said nothing as he propped himself on a stool and shook his head. Azriel didn’t push him. Eventually, Cassian said, quietly, “I want to help Rhys. I want to be the man that he thought I was. I mean, shit, he left me in charge of his child. And I would die for that child. But, Nesta was right, you know? I have no idea how to take care of a kid, especially one as young as Nyx.”

“You think I did, when Seph came along?” He asked, leaning back against the workbench. Cassian was as comfortable in this garage as he was his own, had created just as many beautiful things here as he had in his own cramped space. But he focused on Azriel’s words, sighed as he listened to his brother.

“I was scared shitless, but that didn’t mean a thing to her, or to Elain,” he went on. “Because they both needed me. They needed me to get my shit together and figure it out, and that’s exactly what I did.”

Cassian didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his feet, at his dirty work boots and silently drank from the can in his hands.

Azriel crossed the garage and pulled out a beer of his own, cracking it open and taking a drink. “So read the books, do the research, go online, do whatever you have to do, but Cassian, listen to me.”

His brother rarely used his full name, so he looked up at him, nor expecting to find the tenderness on his face or the silver lining his eyes.

“If you think for one second that Rhys and Feyre didn’t know what they were doing, you’re wrong. No one loves that little boy as much as you do. Yeah, you’re probably going to fuck up once or twice, but it’s okay.” Azriel placed a hand on his shoulder. “It happens and as long as you learn from it, that’s all that matters.”

Cassian wiped at his eye with the back of his hands. “I’m fucking scared, man.”

“I know you are,” Az replied, his voice dropping, almost gentle. “Not to mention we’re all still hurting. But you and Nesta are going to be fine, Nyx is going to be fine.”

Cassian clamped his eyes shut. He groaned. “It wouldn’t be so bad, I know I can learn to take care of Nyx, but Nesta? They expect me to live with Nesta?”

Azriel actually hesitated. “Yeah, that sucks.”

Cassian, despite himself, laughed quietly. “Yeah.”

“But, believe it or not, I think she’d be good for you,” Azriel said, keeping that quiet tone.

“Now you’re trying to set us up?” Cassian asked, wiping at his eyes and the tears that had nearly fallen.

Azriel shook his head. “No. But, Nesta Archeron gets shit done. And she loves Nyx, too. The two of you together….different parenting styles? Yeah. But, you’d be surprised at how well two opposites balance each other out when it comes to parenting.”

Cassian thought of Azriel and Elain. They were both gentle and kind, but they were pretty opposite, too.

“And if it’s a complete failure?” Cassian asked.

Azriel sighed as he watched Cassian. At last, he said, “It won’t be.”

Cassian wanted to believe him, wanting to feel confident in the words Azriel said, but even his third beer hadn’t lifted his confidence.

He let his head fall back, staring up at the ceiling, at the garage door that was raised to allow the cool, night breeze in. “I have to live with Nesta Archeron. The Mother thinks she’s funny. The Cauldron is laughing at me. Fate is rubbing its hands together and laughing maniacally.”

“No,” Az chuckled. “I think that might be Rhys.”

Cassian snorted, but the door to the house opened and Elain stuck her head out. She smiled softly at Cassian, who raised his drink in greeting. “I thought I heard you out here. You gonna stay for dinner?”

His alternative was grabbing something from a drive through or searching through his fridge for something that wasn’t completely freezer burned, so he smiled and said, “Sure, Lainy. Thanks.”

She beamed at them both and the door clicked shut behind her as she turned to go back to the kitchen. Cassian looked over at Azriel to find him still smiling like a fool at the door.

He sighed quietly as he realized he would probably never have that, would never have someone he could stare after and gaze at as fondly as Azriel did Elain. Not if he was to spend his life shackled to someone who wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

As soon as he thought the words, he chastised himself, stepping out into the driveway. She was just as miserable about the whole ordeal as he was. But for Nyx, they could try and make it work. They would make it work. They would do what they had to.

He sighed, gazing up into the night sky.

Shaking his head, he wondered if there was some sort of afterlife. If there was, he wondered if Rhysand and Feyre were somewhere in the sky, looking down at him, trying to encourage him, trying to get a message to him during this horrible, hectic, anxiety-ridden unknown time.

He hoped they were.

He could use it.

That encouragement.

That love.

Cassian began raising his can to his lips, but then he froze.

A shooting star shot across the night sky.

Then another.

Cassian’s hand fell back to his side as he stared at the bright Velaris starlight, completely in awe.

They were watching, they were there with him. They were there with all of them.

Of course they were.

Cassian swore under his breath as he fully gave into the ridiculous notion of moving in with Nesta, of co-parenting with the most frustrating, stubborn woman in Prythian.

But for Nyx, he would.

For Rhysand, for Feyre, he would.

#life as we know it #snacmc lawki #nessian #nessian contest #nesta archeron #cassian #snelbz tacmc collab #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Hiii!! I love your fics and I can’t believe Going for Gold only has one chapter left?!

Anyway I heard u were accepting some prompts so ~

Prompt: canon-verse Nessian fic where Nesta discusses the challenges of adapting to immortality and fae-hood

I’m so glad you love Going for Gold! It has 2 chapters left! And I love this suggestion! I took it in a bit of a different route but hopefully you like it!

Also for drabbles I’m literally writing them in one go on Tumblr so they will be *Tumblr Exclusives* feel free to send in any suggestion- I like canon, modern, and AU! If you can think it up I’ll probably try my hand at it!

Nesta was trying to smile for Cassian’s sake. She really was. She wasn’t being difficult or purposefully sour, but… she just didn’t have it in her today. Not today of all days.

“What’s wrong?” Cassian’s brow furrowed in concern, his hand reaching out to slip around her waist as he pulled himself up to where she was sitting in bed, tucking himself against her instead of pulling her into him as he so often did.

Nesta clamped down on the bond, snapping her walls up and trying to stave off the thick puffs of darkly coiled smoke that must have been assaulting his senses for her mate to react so quickly.

“It’s not the bond, Nes.” Cassian rested his chin on her head, somehow knowing that this was a full body hug kind of sadness. “I know when you’re upset. And right now you’re giving me that same tight little grimace you try to pass off as a smile when there are too many people around you or we’ve stayed at the river house too long.”

Nesta sighed, both loving and hating how well he knew her.

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it?” Nesta just continued staring down at the sheets, but she opened her end of the bond up again. Let him feel the dark chasm of her mind in that moment. Cassian pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I wasn’t going to bring it up. Feyre was trying to-”

“Plan a surprise party I know. I keep hoping that by tomorrow I’ll be able to stomach that.”

“I told her to cancel it.” Nesta snapped her eyes up. “Someday you’re going to stop being so shocked that I know you, my love. An event where large numbers of people jump out of nowhere holding balloons and yelling sounds like your personal Under The Mountain.”

Nesta gave him a tight, sad little smile. Broken, but real this time. “Thank you.” Her hands reached down into her lap to clasp one of his. Hold onto it. Try to suck out some of his strength and warmth for herself. And as always, Cassian gave it over gladly.

Nesta needed one of his arms to clutch, so Cassian wrapped his wing around her shoulders to bring them even closer together. The rough leathery texture had come to feel like silk against her skin in the months they had been mated. Comforting and sure and everything warm in life.

“What did you do last year?” His question was tentative. The way any conversation about her year of destruction was tentative.

“It was one of the only days I stayed sober. I sat in the bathtub all day in cold water just so I could think about something else. Remembering the cauldron was better than focusing on what it took from me.”

In months past Cassian might have gotten offended by that statement, by the implication that it was so awful to be one of them, but he understood her better now. Understood that Nesta had a right to grieve her mortal life, even as she loved her fae one. The way someone could still live and laugh and love after the death of a loved one. It stuck with you for a while. A phantom loss swirling about every happy occasion.

“Birthdays just don’t mean anything to me anymore. I don’t understand why you all celebrate them when you don’t age.”

Cassian nodded, “Fae age. Maybe not our bodies past their prime, but our minds and hearts and souls. You are so different in just a few years. Think about how you will be in a decade, let alone a century. Your body won’t change, but everything else will.”

Nesta paused for a contemplative moment. She forgot how old he was sometimes. How much he had lived through.

“I don’t really know how to phrase it. Most of the time I’m fine. I’m happy or even on days I’m not happy I know that I will be happy, that I can be happy. But something about my birthday just brings it all up. How different it is. How much I still don’t know. Even… how casually people thank the cauldron or celebrate holidays. I try… but sometimes it all feels like trying to shove my feet into outgrown boots.”

“That’s ok.” Cassian’s wing pulsed in a comforting squeeze. “You have so much time. Don’t try to rush it. Birthdays are a marker, a day, an event, but years… years are not all created equal, my love. I lived hundreds of very small years focused on nothing but fighting and being the best. Years that slipped by in the blink of an eye. But then there were years that felt like a decade or even a century all on their own.”

“Last year.” Nesta swallowed.

“Yeah.” Nesta and Cassian didn’t lie to each other. Not even to spare the other’s feelings. “And this year. This one year with you is worth the five hundred that came before it. It’s not about the time, it’s what you do with it. And even an immortal life is too short to waste time choking down these feelings. Feel them. Pick out the ones that help and get rid of the rest. Send them down the bond,” Cassian smirked against her hair. “And I’ll fight them off.”

Nesta laughed as his arm flexed around her, wings spreading out on instinct. She had no doubt her overprotective mate probably would try to challenge her own melancholia to a blood duel.

In so many ways he already had.

“I love you so much.” Nesta turned her body into his and Cassian curled around her like he could pull her into himself. Legs tangling, wings folding, arms wrapping.

“I love you.” He whispered into her hair. “I loved you as a human. I love you as a Fae. I loved you last year and I love you this year and I will love you in five hundred years.”

“Just five hundred?”

“Until the mountains crumble to dust and Velaris falls into the sea. And then I’ll love you in the next life. Even though you’ll probably try to knee me in the balls again.”

“Yeah,” Nesta laughed softly against his chest. “I probably will.”

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #nesta archeron #acosf #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 5 (Nessian AU)

A/N: Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, an angry Nesta and a heart-broken Cassian

2094 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nesta had never been one for small talk but in his presence she spoke as if she was excellent in small talk. They spoke of all unimportant things and ended up forgetting the important stuff; their names. Again.

Feyre sent an invitation for her first anniversary party as she did for every other occasion. The only thing different was that Nesta never bothered to pay heed to her invitations before. After the day in the alley, however, she decided she was going to turn over a new leaf. This was her first step.

She checked her reflection on the side-mirror. She tried to keep her outfit and make-up as simple as possible. She only wore a white ruffled-sleeved blouse with a black pencil skirt. Her hair was braided into a coronet. She looked good, but not as good as she’ll look if she took her own time to do a detailed make-over. She let out a breath and braced herself for the inevitable little chat with her sisters.

“Nesta?” a bewildered voice breathed. She whirled around to face her younger sister, Elain, looking up at her, a small smile playing about her lips. “You’re here,” she said and flung her arms around Nesta. Nesta automatically wrapped her arms around Elain’s smaller frame. Eventually, Elain pulled back.

“No offense, but I really thought you wouldn’t be coming,” Elain said.

Nesta felt as if the smile on her face couldn't be wiped out for the next few hours. “Honestly, I didn't think I'd come either. But here I am.”

She nodded and pulled Nesta to the garden the party was held at.

“I did this,” Elain said. “This garden, I planted and groomed all this.”

“No wonder why it looks so beautiful,” Nesta replied.

She flushed and said contemplatively, “You're so different now, Nesta.”

“I hope in a good way. Where's Feyre?”

“Let's go meet everyone first.”

Nesta shook her head. “I— I need to talk to both of you before I meet everyone else. ”

Elain hesitated then said, “Can you wait in that room? I'll fetch Feyre and come.”

Nesta nodded and headed to the door at the end of the garden Elain pointed at. The room was classy, much like the exterior of the house. She was struck by the simple yet grand theme of Feyre's house. She knew he and his brothers were rich but she just didn't understand the extent of their wealth. Till now.

“What are you thinking?” Feyre wasn't the type to blindly trust people. It took more than coming for her anniversary to persuade her that Nesta's intentions were good.

Nesta faced Feyre, her youngest sister, who stood before her, gorgeous yet fierce in a simple but elegant blue gown. She shrugged, “Just thinking that I'm glad my sisters were well-provided when I couldn't take care of them.”

Feyre’s face didn’t change, she just gestured towards the couches. “Have a seat,” she said.

Nesta sat down, “You both look splendid,” she said. Feyre said that the gown was a gift, Elain thanked Nesta and offered the same.

Nesta cleared her throat. “I need to tell the both of you something. Many things, actually.”

Elain nodded encouragingly. Feyre said, “Go on.”

So Nesta spoke. She apologised. For how she wasn't there to fulfill the role of an elder sister. For how she failed to attend Feyre's marriage and many other occasions. For all the rude words she spoke to them. For shunning them. She apologised for being self consumed. For everything else.

She also promised. To try harder. To become better. To be a good sister and sister-in-law. To be with them at all times, especially when they needed her. And they listened.

“I know these words aren't enough, but I'll try to make it so,” she finished, her hands clasped with both her sisters on her sides.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. We will too,” Feyre said.

“I see a very bright future ahead of us,” Elain said.

Nesta couldn't help the tears anymore. She folded her arms around her sisters and tucked them close. Her sisters. Her beloved sisters she now knew she'd do anything to protect.

“I see a very bright future too,” Nesta said.

Nesta pulled back after what felt like an hour and looked at her sisters' tear-streaked faces.

“I love you,” the three of them said simultaneously. Nesta giggled. Elain laughed. Feyre stared.

Nesta gently brushed the tears from both of their cheeks. “I don't want to see any of you crying.”

She hugged them again, willing the hug to convey everything she didn't say out loud.

“Now, now, enough snuggling. We've got a party to attend and people to meet, remember?” Feyre said.

***

Cassian was anxious. He had always hoped Nesta, his sister-in-law, would come for the gatherings they had; be it family dinners, or birthday parties, or the random meetings they had when they just got tipsy and played games. He hadn't seen her face-to-face before. All he knows about Nesta are from the descriptions from Feyre and Elain. That, too, was minimal. One of them would quickly change the topic to something pleasant the moment traces of an emotional breakdown were visible. Every time he hoped, he was let down. She never came. He vowed he would stop hoping and instead just go about and act as if she didn't exist. But that never happened. Every time his family met, his treacherous heart would start hoping only to have a chunk of it fall off when she failed to attend. Today was no different.

Then there’s the woman who he’d been talking to the whole afternoon. He was a tangled up mess of emotions and doubt and confusion. He had been sort-of pining after Nesta. She was exactly the person he’d like. Apparently she was drop-dead gorgeous, witty and… feral. Feyre said that. Feral. She’d be someone worth seeing. She was totally a worthy opponent. It’d be fun. But the other woman? Mother above, she was ethereal. More than ethereal, in fact. Words can't contain what he had to say about her.

He was damn near killing Az for calling him right when they were about to exchange names. He really can't believe he was a hairsbreadth away from knowing her before it was all ripped away. Now they were back to square one. He didn't know anything about her.

Azriel clapped him on his back so hard that he almost stumbled and fell. Or probably that was because he was too distracted. “All good Somm?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he replied noncommittally. He busied his hands with re-rinsing the champagne flutes and wiping them clean again. He did this two times already. Still.

“Mood is sour today, Cass?” Az teased, mock-frowning.

“Nah,” Cassian said wryly, “it's as sweet as honeydew. Especially today, when my chat got interrupted.” He glared at Azriel.

“Now, now, that is a story for another day. For now though, I think I've got something that can cheer up your brooding self.”

“What is it?” he mumbled.

Az grinned. “Nesta is here.”

***

Feyre and Elain took Nesta on a quick tour around the house. Feyre’s paintings were hung on the walls throughout the whole house. Nesta grimly noticed that there wasn't a single picture of her. There were even paintings of their father whose heart had long stopped beating. But none of hers. If only she didn’t push herself away, Nesta would’ve been a happy part of her sisters’ lives.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Feyre took her hand in hers. Elain tucked herself to Nesta’s side, wrapping her arms over her slender shoulders.

Nesta already met Mor, a stunning blonde woman, and Amren, a slightly intimidating and short person. Now she only had to meet her brother-in-laws.

“Let’s go meet the boys!” Elain said brightly.

We walked back to the garden. Feyre seemed to get more and more elated the closer we got to the garden. Huh. Probably falling in love would do that to someone. Anyway, as long as her sisters were happy.

They stepped through the doorway. The garden was decorated with more banners and streamers hung on the back of chairs and on the low branches. Again, it looked opulent in a simple way.

There were three men in the centre of the garden, gathered around a table. They all were slightly similar, broad shouldered, tapered waists, muscular limbs. Three of them wore formal shirts and pants clinging to their frames. The one in the middle was Rhysand, she supposed. She smirked internally. Of course Feyre ended up with this guy. She's got a good taste. Must've gotten it from the oldest sister.

The one on the right, though. His figure felt familiar. Very, very familiar. She couldn't quite put a finger on it yet.

“The one on the left is Azriel, the one on the right is Cassian,” Feyre said, and Nesta nodded.

The boys must be really engrossed with their conversation. They hadn't noticed the three of them yet.

The guy she thought was familiar threw his head back and laughed. She gasped. That laugh. She'd know the laugh anywhere. Indeed, when he angled his face so that she could get a glimpse, she knew she was done for. She swallowed with much difficulty.

“I need to go,” she said quickly.

“Go? But— but we haven't cut the cake yet. It's still early. We've got lots more fun stuff,” Elain said.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. Only, this doesn't feel like 'trying',” Feyre said.

They sounded… hurt.

Mother above, I'm doing this wrong.

“Nesta?” Elain asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Feyre added, “you look pale.”

“Y-yeah it's f-fine. Kinda. My head hurts,” she said, accidentally clutching her stomach. “I-I mean, yeah my head hurts. Very badly. I gotta go.” She looked helplessly at both of them. “I'm so sorry. I really am. It's just— I think I need rest. I'll recompense. Probably dinner in three days?” They both shared a look and agreed.

Nesta was already walking away. “Love you both,” she threw over her shoulder.

***

“Feyre!” Rhys called. He beckoned Feyre and Elain to the table. He didn't see Nesta.

Cassian lightly kissed Feyre on her cheek once they made their way to the table and said, “Gorgeous as always. Happy anniversary!”

Feyre grinned, but it showed traces of disappointment.

He frowned. “Hey, what's wrong?”

She just shook her head and mumbled, “Nesta.” Rhys's face hardened. His brother was never fond of Nesta. He said that she was why Feyre was always worried.

“Where's Nesta?” Az asked, craning his neck to see behind farther.

“She… left,” Elain pointed, revealing a figure disappearing behind the gates. A figure he knew all too well. Shitshitshitshit.

His head snapped back to his brothers. “That is Nesta?” he damn near shouted.

Rhys scowled, “Yeah.”

No wonder why she's so beautiful, he thought dumbly before running after her with a quick “I'll be back.”

***

Nesta was wrong. In all her happiness of being reunited with her sisters, she completely forgot how even a small thing can break one's smile. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She kept her calm demeanour, but inside, she was a raging storm of emotions.

One step in front of the other, she kept reminding herself.

She kept walking. Even when she heard footsteps. Even when the steps got louder. Even as he got close enough to cease running.

But not when he called her name. She halted. Locked up her emotions. She knew she shouldn't but she turned around anyway.

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Nesta,” he breathed. She tried to hold back her shudder. It was from the night air, she told herself.

“If you have nothing to say, do let me know. I'm not going to wait forever,” she said. Harsher than she intended to. But she didn't care, at least, that's what she told herself.

Cassian winked, “I'm honored you came, sweetheart. I'll pass the credit to my influence on you. ”

She ground her teeth against the truth threatening to fall off her lips. Yes, I came here because you made me happy. And I thought that if I tried, as I did with you, I can rebuild my relationship with my sisters.

***

Cassian did something stupid. He grabbed her hand. Her eyes snapped to his, burning with anger. Like the day they first met.

He gave her a crooked grin that he knew would drive her mad. Well, more than she already was. He tilted his head to the garden, “The party is that way, love.”

She snatched back her hand at continued walking. Like a fool, he followed. “I spoke to my sisters. Told them I won't be staying tonight. And that we'll have dinner in three day's time. Does that satisfy you? Now, can you stop following me?”

“Something's wrong. What's wrong, Nes?”

“One,” she ground out, “don't call me that. Two, I'm a grown-ass woman; I know how to take care of myself. I don't need a babysitter.”

“You did. That day,” he said quietly.

She whirled on him, “Is this you taking back favours? Because I'm not interested. You want money? Take it. Tell me your price and fucking take it! Don't tread on my heels because you helped me, okay? I've got way better things to do.” She paused, “And don't follow me, Cassian.”

She turned and stalked away.

You want money? Take it. 'Take it.' As if he were a beggar, asking for alms. As if they weren't laughing at each other's jokes not more than an hour ago. As if he didn't spend a week taking care of her as if she were a part of his soul. Maybe she was.

But that was before, Cassian thought as his heart cleaved into two perfect halves. No— it smashed to a million tiny pieces.

He waited till Nesta was out of his line of sight. He turned and walked back to the garden, leaving his heart behind.

taglist: @shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

#writeblr #kepper's writing #sarah j mass #sjm #sjmaas #sjmverse #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #a court of silver flames #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #acotar au #nesta archeron #nesta #cassian #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #nesta and cassian #cassian and nesta #nessian #nessian fanfiction #nessian au #incorrect order

[gwynsnesta]

Stand By You - Gwynriel

Gwyn sat by the piano as the rain poured down the windows of her home. Azriel was with Cassian and Rhysand doing a boys night. She had wanted to see her friends desperately but Nesta was with Elain and Feyre doing a sisters night to talk about childhood memories. While Emerie was with Mor and a few other friends. She hadn’t felt like going out but rather staying in and so that’s what she did.

She had her song book open and an empty page waiting. Gwyn played around with a melody for a while before determining she was prepared to actually write some lyrics to go with it. She couldn’t decide whether the song should be about her sisters, Catrin or Azriel. In the end she chose her mate. Because she loved him and she wanted to gift the song to him in the morning when he was less drunk and more sober.

Even if we can't find heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven

Gwyn thought first of how she’d walk around the world with Azriel. Even if they were old and grey, or dead. She didn’t need heaven. Not when his arms were pretty damn close.

Hands put your empty hands in mine

And scars show me all the scars you hide

And hey, if your wings are broken

Please take mine 'til yours can open too

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Gwyn remembered how they slowly trusted each other with holding hands as one of their first true touches. How Azriel allowed her to see his scars and her showing him hers. How he flew her around everywhere and she would do anything to always allow him to have his wings. How they stood by each other no matter what.

Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes

And hurt, I know you're hurting but so am I

And love, if your wings are broken

Borrow mine so yours can open too

Gwyn had been hurting when he entered her life and he too had been hurting. Together they had begun the healing process. A long journey but one worth it.

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we're breaking down

We can find a way to break through

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love, you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Gwyn knew she was never alone because she’d always have Azriel to stand by her side. To know that he’d walk through hell with her. That if she broke down he’d help put her back together.

Even if we can't find heaven

I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love, you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

He was her god. His arms heaven. The only faith she needed was him.

Yeah, you're all I never knew I needed

And the heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating

And love, if your wings are broken

We can brave through those emotions too

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

They’d been through many things together. They had stood by each other’s sides through it all. They had braved their emotions. She never knew she needed him. Never knew why her heart bleed until he came and Azriel helped her become who she was today. Stronger and on the path of healing. Some days were bad but she had him.

And oh, truth I guess truth is what you believe in

And faith, I think faith is having a reason

And I know, know love, if your wings are broken

Borrow mine so yours can open too

Her faith was him. Gwyn knew that the truth was she believed him and he believed in her. That she didn’t need the Mother or the Cauldron to dictate what she felt for Azriel. She felt utter love. She felt complete with him.

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we're breaking down

We can find a way to break through

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love, you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

They didn’t need heaven. They just needed each other. Because their love was enough to ward away the nightmares and to brighten up the dark days.

Even if we can't find heaven

I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love, you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

They didn’t need anybody else but each other. Gwyn would stand by Azriel and in return he’d walk through hell to save her. He’d bring heaven to her if she wished for it. Because neither would ever be alone again. Not as they once had been.

I'll be your eyes 'til yours can shine

And I'll be your arms I'll be your steady satellite

And when you can't rise

Well, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees 'cause I

If Gwyn was blind Azriel would tell her everything he saw. If she needed him to be her arms or to be the steady one she knew he’d do it. If she needed him to crawl with her because she couldn’t rise he’d do that too. Because she do it all for him as well.

I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we're breaking down (Hey)

We can find a way to break through (Come on)

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love, you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Gwyn no longer needed to believe in fairytales and Prince Charming. Because Cinderella can keep her prince, Gwyn had a king. In fact, Cinderella and all the other fairytale princesses could keep their life because Gwyn loved hers. And a year ago she wouldn’t believe she could say that. That she could lie beside a man.

Even if we can't find heaven (Hey)

I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

Love you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Love you're not alone

Oh, I'm gonna stand by you

To think a year ago, Gwyn had been inside the library; breaking slowly. She dared not to believe it. That this wasn’t a dream. It was a reality. It was her reality. She was married and mated. She was home once again.

Even if we can't find heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven

Heaven could fuck itself. Gwyn had Velaris. And that was pretty damn close to what she believed heaven would look like. Though, she hoped she’d never have to see.

I'm gonna stand by you

Gwyn finished her song and she smiled. They’d stand by each other till the day the died. As they promised at the mating ceremony. She slowly stood up and closed her book. Content with her song, Gwyn decided on a bath, a few chapters of her book and sleep after being so overcome with emotion.

The next morning she sung the song to Azriel who had sat their smiling. At the end he stilled and when she asked if he liked it he didn’t reply. Gwyn thought he hated it. Az didn’t. He began crying and kissing her. Hugging her and telling her how much he loved her.

This was what she had. This was what they both deserved after a lifetime of fighting. And Gwyn would continue fighting for this life till the day she died. Fighting for her friends and her family. For mate. Her wonderful, handsome, kind, strings fun wise mate who had given her the world in return.

—

You cannot tell me this isn’t Gwynriel’s song by right! Like this is perfect for them. Sorry not sorry. Also, I think I need to write fics of other ACOTAR ships.

#azriel shadowsinger #gwynriel supremacy #gwyn and azriel #gwyneth berdara #gwyn berdara #gwynriel headcanon #shadowsinger #gwyn x azriel #azriel x gwyn #gwyn #acosf #acotar headcanon #acotar #gwyn acosf #acosf headcannon

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

#nesta archeron #nessian #acosf spoilers #acofas #a court of silver flames #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #cassian #feyre archeron #elain archeron

[fandomtrxsh19]

So, when I read ACOSF, I made kind of play by play notes as a listened to it( I read the audiobook) so.........here’s the chaos

HEAVY SPOILERS FOR ACOSF!!

CASSIAN SAID FUCK

WHOA there’s a LOT of swearing in this

“It’s SEVEN in the morning gods damn it” -nesta archeron

OVERSIZED SHIRTS FOR THE WIN

Feyre and Rhys have 5 houses? Not surprised...

full, inviting breasts......BIG BOOBS OMG CASSIAN YOU HORNY SON OF A BITCH

7 siphons to keep his magic under control? Dayum

So, she rode this unnamed male like a fucking roller coaster?

Depression sex? Depression sex

“Her father was ashes in the wind” DAMN THATS EDGY

“A moment of release among the darkness inside her” NESTA BBY THIS ISNT HEATHY

“She avoided both of them” not surprised

OOOOH RHYS HATES HER TEA IS BEING SPILT

So, depression sex and depression alcohol? Yup

*checks chapter count* 80 CHAPTERS??!?! Oh shit this is gonna be a triiiip

OOOOOOOOO RHYS AND NESTA BEEF

Feyre trying to apologize to nesta........she’s trying

“You’re done, Nesta” The fuuuuuck.....

So, nesta’s moving and training with cassian...........Feyre, this isn’t a good idea omg

Feyre holy shit what the fuck are you doing, you TOTAL HELICOPTER SISTER?

“I never want to speak to you again!” damn

ELAIN TRAUMA!!! Yay???

MOR FOCUSED CHAPTER!!!?

she has brown eyes? Ok

FUCK SHES WEARING A BLUE DRESS FUCK

nesta knows about mor NESTA KNOWS ABOUT MOR!!!

“I am worthless and I am nothing. I hate what I am.” DAYUM I’ve been in that exact mindset numerous times. I can relate, Nesta

Briallen? Who the fuck is that?

Scars being trapped in magic? Good fuck that’s dark

“Ooh a dark skin character? Lit

OH SHIT SHE CANT FLY HER WINGS ARE CLIPPED

Is her name Emery?

“I am the monster your fear” BBY OMG GET THERAPY

Gwyn? Seems a bit aloof

“Two gentle conversations” GOOD JOB

Fairy lights omg lol

Nesta reading smutty books.....I’m imagining this omg

THE HOUSE IS ALIVE? Sweet

OMG ELAIN SHIT!!!! BBY

“All she wanted to do was touch him” OOOOOHHHHH NESSIAN

“All I need is a hot meal and a good book.” Mood

Nesta’s worried about Mor??? REEEEEEE

“Nesta needed Feyre more than she realized.“ OOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOO FAE BARGANS

They’re bound by magic on the body?? Ooh

IT’S TRAINING TIME BITCHES

“I don’t hate you too,Cassian” OMGGGGGG REEEEE

Nesta SMILED

THEY MENTIONED VALKYRIES!!!!!

“You might be my only friend.” HMMMMMMM

*hears how cassian was born * OMG HOLY SHIT CASSIAN

*hears cassians backstory* DAMN THESE CHARACTERS NEED THERAPY

OOP SLIGHT DEPRESSION SEX

OOP CLOTHING REMOVAL

“I’ve loved you since the first moment I held you in my arms.” HMMMMMMMM

I’m loving this Nessian sparring training.

ELAIN! SHES IN THE STORY KIND OF

Elain has small boobs........same

“I thought I would drop by to see how you were doing.” AWWWWWWWWW

Yayy.....awkward sister talks........

“She was the monster.” Nesta.............I can relate.

Nesta’s angry at Elain.............

Elain’s trying to reach out and Nesta’s denying it.

MY HEART

AGAIN...THE👏RA👏PY👏

“No more seeing her sisters without her permisson.” That’s smart.

Soooooooooo......Rhys is now a German Shepard.........?

OMG CASSIAN KILLED EVERYONE THAT HELPED KILL HIS MOM........good for him

“Use that training and make me.” OOOOOOOMGGGGGG

Rhys is overprotective of Feyre and shields her......daaaaaaaaaaaaamn

“What exactly happened in the cauldron?” FEYRE BAD IDEA BAD IDEA BAD IDEA

Again, Nesta, ✨THERAPY✨

Put a stop to what, D-does the IC know of the ✨depression smut?✨

“There was touching, but with her permission” WE 👏STAN 👏A KING👏

THAT ASKS👏FOR👏CON👏SENT👏

“Who do you think I am?” “A drunk fool who’s wasting my time?” OOOOOOOHHHHH SHOOTS FIRED!!!

Emery and Nesta to Emery’s cousin: GO HOME YOUR DRUNK ASSHOLE

*hears Nesta’s grand✨mama✨* me: grandmama, it’s me....ANASTASIA

Bruh...NESTA BIT CASS’S EAR

ugh the tool

“Baby making” hehe lol

“Nesta like gwyn”...............could she also be biiiiiiiii??????????!!!!!! YAY FIRST FRIEND IM PROUD OF YOUUUUU

NESTA SMILES AGAIN YAY!!

Alright, Meryl is BITCH

GWYN’S A QUARTER NYMPH?? Cool

“She’s failed everything.” BBY

HER POWERS? HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT SILVER FLAMES

ICY FIRE??? FUUUUUUUUUCK

Nesta must’ve been petrified being surrounded by fire

It’s a dream? THE FUCK

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT SHE WAS DREAMING????

Cassian saw HER TRAUMA?????? FUUUUUUCK

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HER POWER IS DEAAAAATHH FUUUUUUCK

THE BABY HAS WIIIIINGS!!!!!!

Why is Rhys angry about the wing thing?

Ohhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit the tool

*hearing the possibilities of half Illyrian baby* OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH FUUUUUCK OMG

“I loved it when you fucked my mouth cassian?” GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NEEESTAAAAA THIS ISNT HEALTHY

“What could go wrong?” DONT JINX IT

fairy monsters? OHOHOHOOOO

NONONONOOOOOO NOT AN ASH ARROW

BLACK EYES???? Fuck fuck are they in the cauldron?

OMG THE KELPIE IS DOING SHIT TO NESTA!!! Are they on the cauldron?

the MAAAAAAASK

ohOOOOOOOMGOMGOMGOMG SHE SUMMONED THE FUCKING DEAD REEEEEEEEEEE

Omg NESTAS POWERS ARE SO FUCKING COOL

She LITERALLY HAS AN UNDEAD ARMYYYYY

death HERself........badass

“Because you and cassian has been giving each other sultry looks all morning” SHE KNOWS

“For the first time in her life, she finally felt good in her own skin.” GROWTH

Omg Nesta created a swooooord!!!!! Cool

ITS INFUSED WITH MAGIC??? HELL YEAH

“I can’t lie to her!” SIIIIIIIMP

“I’d be careful when fucking her.” Oh amren

FUUUUUUCK FUCK BOOOOOOOOO TAMLIN

“You will not touch us.” YES TELL HIM

“I can’t believe Feyre ever loved tamlin.” ME TOO

“Elain saw everything Nesta did.” Daaaaaaaaamn

OOOOOOOO NESTAS PIIIIIIIISSED

OOOOOOOOOOO SECRETS FEYRE’S PIIIIIIISED

Nesta messed up and I think she realizes that

Rhys is pissed now and wants to kill Nesta....SHIIIIIIIT

Nesta: heads for a tavern me: NONONONONO GODS DAMN IT YOU’VE COME SO FAR

“I will fight for him. For us. Until I can’t anymore.” FEYRE IS GONNA BE A GREAT MOM

“Wishing to disappear into nothing.” I’ve been there.

“Cassian knew Nesta hated herself, but didn’t know how sometimes she wanted to unexist.” I RELATE TO THAT SHIT

“She had been born wrong.” AWWWWW BBY SHIIIIIT

“Was she worth being counted?” I CAN RELATE

*hearing Nesta blaming herself for her fathers death and for the horrible things she’s done, saying she can’t fix it* SHIT IM CRYING (I’m not joking)

“ I deserve nothing.” I CAN RELATE BITCH IM ACTUALLY CRYING

*hears Cassian calmly reassuring and comforting her* AWWWWW I NEED THIS QUOTE

CASSIAN CARES SO MUCH FOR HER I LOVE THIS

(I really needed that cassian talk. I literally wrote most of the quote down just in case. Thank you SJM)

EMERY CAN SENSE THE SEX HOLY SHIT

“After he’d fucked her with her fingers...” O NONONONOOO

*skips to chapter 52*

Lanthis??? Who the fuck is that?

“Gwyn and Emery are my friends” SHES GROWN SO MUCH!!!

26 dimensions? OH THIS IS SOME DOCTOR STRANGE SHIT

IT CANT BE KILLED

cassian and Nesta really went *yeet* .......... I’m sorry

THE SWORDS NAME IS ADORAXIA!!!!!!!!!!!sounds like a dnd character IDEAS

OHOHOHOOOOO BLACK THRONE AND A CROWN DEATH QUEEN NESTA WITH HER HAIR DOOOOOOWN

Rhys vs Cassian standoff *western duel music starts*

NESTA APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER IM SO PROUD

Did Elain have a vision? DID SHE???

“I want you to seduce him.” NESTA THE HIDDEN BARD ROLL FOR PERSUASION

Mor teaching Nesta the waltz? NESTA AND MOR CAN NOT HATE EACH OTHER

Are they back at their childhood home? Because oooooooooooof ✨ childhood trauma✨

MOR AND NESTA HAVING A CONVERSATION YAY!!!!! (This’ll make rping them so maybe easier)

“We’re in a book!” Holy shit they know. HIDE THE FANFICTION

The relationship between Nesta, Emery, and Gwyn is so wholesome

“Oh FUCK you” .... NESTA

“I was just checking on dessert” MOOD

MOR AND NESTA ARE HAVING A FRIENDLY CONVERSATION

I sense tension between amren and Nesta

ERIS WANTS NESTA????

“I’m not with you.” Lier

A SNOWBALL FIGHT WITH THE BATBOIS??? Holy shit they do have one(1) brain cell

A sleepover with Emery, Nesta, and Gwyn? SIGN ME UP

“Do it for the miniature Pegasus!” INSIDE JOKES

OOOOHHH i see the gwynriel ship

Wait....HER POWERS MADE THE HOUSE BE ALIVE??? Sweet

Alright 2 months til FEYSAND baby

The mating bond between cassian and Nesta?????.............

“Say it, SAY IT” GODS DAMN IT NESTA SAY THE FUCKING THING

So, Nesta’s afraid she’s gonna loose her humanity?

EMERIE NESTA AND GWYN ARE IN THE BLOODRITE? Fuuuuuuuuuck

OH NO EMERIE!!!!!!

“High Fae bitch” PUT THAT ON A SHIRT

OMG OMG OMG HELL YES VALKRIES

oh Cassian you restless bastard you

*hears Emerie’s backstory and their heart to heart* AWWWWWW I LOVE THEM

“The morrigan.” The fuck Eris?

“She’d hit the archway of stone” OOOOOOOOOOF

“For being my friends when I didn’t deserve it.” AWWWWWWWWWW

What about Feyre’s pregnancy???? Hewwo?

“Lord of bastards” heh true that’s cassian alright

Wait, OTHER set of wings

CASSIAN!!!!!!!!!!

“Now, I’m going to slit your little throat.” FUUUUUUUUCK NONONONOOOOO THIS ISNT CASS FUUUUCK

What’s the trove?

NONONONONOOOO WHYD HE GET STABBED SHIT HE GOT STABBED

Nesta’s pissed.....MAGIC TIME

wait wait wait wait wait HES NOT STABBED HELL YEAH!!!!

“You are my mate, Cassian.” ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME

Nessian: kissing when the world is in ruin

“She started bleeding hours ago. “ BABY TIME???

*hears the blood and feyre’s appearance*!FUUUUUUUUUCK

So, no C section? OOOOOOH SHIT THEYRE DOING IT

IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED

“Silent babe?” Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Nesta Nesta Nesta What the fuck are you doing???????? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

SHE HAS ALL 3! ONONONOOOOOFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOSHE PLUCKED IT FUCK

SHE STOPPED TIME?????????

WHOS the female voice?

“ I love you, Feyre” SHE DID IT IM SO PROUD!!!!!

What is she doing what is she doing what is she doiiiiingggg?

GIVE WHAT BACK?????

WHAAAAAT? A BARGAIN WITH THE FUCKING CAULDRON???

feyres alive? FEYRE’S ALIVE!!!!!!!

NESTA THE MVP!!!!

*the sister hug* AWWWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWW I LOVE THE NAME NYX!!!!

How much did the Cauldron take from Nesta, tho?

FEYSAND IS BEST PARENTS

Alright, I want to see LOADS OF WHOLESOME FANFICS AND FANART ABOUT DOMESTIC IC AND ELAIN AND NESTA GOT IT?

#acotar #acowar #acofas #acomaf #acosf #acosf spoilers #feyre archeron #elain archeron #nesta archeron #rhysand acotar #cassian acotar #azriel acotar #morrigan acotar #mor acotar #amren acotar #gwyneth berdara #emerie acotar

[onthesandsofdreams]

The Summoning [5/5]

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn Rating: T Summary: “I summoned a demon.” She doesn’t even bother with niceties, Bodhi needs to know and this is, well, kind of urgent. Words: 1166 Notes: In which we see a bit of Jyn & Bodhi’s friendship. Tagging: @mousedetective

Read @ AO3 | Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Jyn gives Cassian a jerky nod, “Thank you.” She stops and hesitates before continuing, “Listen, I need to make a private call, would you mind waiting here?”

Cassian nods in understanding, “Are there any books that I could read in the meantime?”

She nods, and lets Cassian know where he can find the library. And she also makes note of the books in the basement. Who knows what he wants to read, that way, he’d have options. Sees as Cassian opts for the basement, and she doesn’t run, but she does rush towards the master phone in hand; she needs to speak with Bodhi.

Fortunately, Bodhi doesn’t let her go to voicemail, he answers at the second ring. “Jyn, everything alright?”

She lets a sigh of relief, as if Bodhi’s voice could calm down any and all turmoil that she’s feeling. “I summoned a demon.” She doesn’t even bother with niceties, Bodhi needs to know and this is, well, kind of urgent.

“You did what?” Bodhi hisses. “Jyn Erso, what the fuck?!”

She closes her eyes and sighs, “I fucked up, okay? I spoke a ritual, one that seemed harmless and way too easy, I didn’t think it’d work, but it did. And now, he’s here.”

“He?” Bodhi doesn’t miss a thing, bless him. “Did you say he?”

“He’s a materada.”

“Oh SHIT!”

Yeah, she thinks, oh shit indeed. Out loud, she says, “I know. And now I have just a couple of days to decide if he stays or returns. And the worst part of it is, that he might be in pain if we part. Bodhi, I fucked up and I don’t know what to do.”

She can hear Bodhi breathing, and then when his voice comes, it’s calm and understanding. “Oh Jyn,” it’s said so softly, she shakes her head to avoid tears. “And how do you feel about this?”

That’s the thing, she’s not sure. “I don’t know,” she admits easily enough. Bodhi was someone she trusted and was safe for her to admit the truth. “He scared me when he woke next to me in the bed, and then, we went for breakfast and… he fought off one of Krennic’s goons. And now I don’t know. There’s a part of me that just wants him, and another is scared that if I keep him I’ll end up hurt.”

“Well, you’ve certainly have had an interesting morning, and it’s not even eleven yet.” Bodhi’s tone is light, he’s trying to reassure her, to calm her. “Also, you do know that materadas do not harm their mates, yes? They would sooner hurt themselves. I might not know him, but if the ritual worked and he came, it means it would be a good match. I did not know that it could hurt them returning.”

“Neither did I,” she says. And she does feel bad, she spoke the words in jest; and now she had a demonic mate that wanted to be with her. “Is it bad that I do want to keep him?”

Bodhi chuckles, “No, I imagine that’d be part of the bond of the ritual.”

“And if he stays, would you mind an extra roommate?”

“He’d be your mate, Jyn, it’s not like it was a stranger of the streets, even if you’ve only just met him. He’s safe, it’s in his kind’s nature to be to their mates. He’d be what you need the most. Friend, lover, protector… he’d just be.”

She takes deep breaths, her heart is thundering in her heart and she can her the rush of blood in her ears. “How do you know?”

“My aunt had a materada.”

Jyn’s eyes snap open, she didn’t know that. “Bodhi…”

“They were happy until she died, my uncle was heartbroken when she passed. He left back to his home soon after. Listen Jyn, whatever you decide, do it for you. If you want him, it’s okay to be selfish and grab something that would be solely for you. If you don’t… let him go and let’s hope for the best.”

She nods, even if Bodhi can’t see it. “Thank you. I have to go.”

“Good luck.”

She hangs up the phone and sits on the bed, she doesn’t know what to do, so she does the only thing she can think of, grab a hold of the kyber crystal her mother gave her and close her eyes and say a prayer for her mother. She keeps praying for a while, even if she’s not very much of a believer, it’s what her mother would do and something she clings to in moments where she’s lost.

‘Be selfish’ Bodhi had said, but could she? She knew that Cassian would be always with her, she remember how happy Bodhi’s aunt had been, even in her older age. Was it so bad to want to be happy in her old age with someone who would always love her and be by her side until her death?

It wasn’t bad, but it was selfish.

But she for once, she was ready to be selfish and grab what Cassian promised with both hands and never let go. She let go of the crystal and went in search of Cassian, she didn’t have to look hard, he had a book and was sitting in the living room. He looked up as she approached, his eyes were serious.

She gave him a smile and extended her hand, silently, Cassian extended his, and they almost touched. “You still have more time,” he told her.

“And I don’t need it, I will be happy to have you. If you’d have me, that is.”

In Cassian’s eyes, there was a sudden spark, a light that drew her in. “I’ll always have you. Jyn, I want you to know, that we can take things slow. If I stay, I can be what you need me to be, we don’t have to rush to anything.”

Well now, Bodhi had been right. “I know. And I would appreciate the ‘taking it slow’ part. I don’t have the best track record with relationships.”

“I’m not a regular man.”

“No, you’re a demon,” She was surprised that she could joke. “But I mean it, I want you to stay. I might have done the ritual hastily, but as my mother liked to say, ‘things happen for a reason’. And if you mean it, then, I’d welcome your presence in my life.”

Cassian smiled at her, only then did he take her hand in his. It was warm and soft, and enveloped hers without trouble. “I’d be honored. And I’ll strive to be what you need. And to be by your side, always.”

She couldn’t help but to smile, there was something inside of her that whispered that things would be okay. She pulled him into a hug, and he wrapped around her in a protective one, she didn’t melt into his arms, but she knew, deep inside of her that they were both home.

#RebelCaptain #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #cassian x jyn #Jyn & Bodhi #jyn erso #cassian andor #bodhi rook #rogue one #rogue one fic #au: witches & wizards #au: demons

[hellas-himself]

More Than Enough

Remember that self indulgent crack ship holiday fic I was writing about Cassian and Feyre? And how I couldn’t seem to mix the past with the present? 

It’s a fic now. Still in the same AU just like... the year before. Leading up to the cheesy ass nonsense it is now. Originally it was going to be angsty at first but I think we have enough of that in our real life. If you haven’t read the crackship holidays featuring these two dumbasses, start here or on AO3.

Also. I promise all my other fics are not being abandoned. 

I’ve had a playlist to listen to when writing them but it is so incredibly inappropriate if you understand spanish. and i haven’t made it onto spotify yet. But this song reminded me of them and that’s where the title comes from. Which is funny because Alina is who i put beside Toni Mafud as Rhys and Feyre whenever fan casts come up. ANYWAY. 

Let’s follow Feyre as she thirsts after her best friend. 

.

.

.

I blame it on the music.

Cassian lost his shirt about half an hour ago and is doing pull ups. The garage door is open, letting in the cold winter air. My fingers are cold but I don’t like wearing gloves when sketching. I had been working on hands and eyes but once he tossed his shirt… It’s not like I’ve never seen Cassian without a shirt on before. Between him and his brothers, they seem to always find an excuse to not wear one. But the difference is I don’t find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to run my fingers down their backs.

It’s definitely the music.

Even if I didn’t understand the words, the beat itself is way too sensual to not be about anything else but sex. But the lyrics and Cassian’s sweaty, half naked body mixed with the fact that I haven’t had sex in months is probably the worst mix. I am not supposed to be imagining sleeping with my best friend.

I clear my throat, startling Valo who was falling asleep at my feet.

“Sorry, baby, I need a drink.”

I set my sketch book and pencil down on the crate beside my chair.

“Would you get me a drink, bunny?” Cas breathes out and my face flushes all the more. I didn’t need another detail to this stupid daydream.

“Yeah,” I squeak and head into the house. I already know his post workout drink recipe by heart. I drink ice cold water while the blender is going.

Cassian is suspended in the air, holding his entire body parallel to the floor with his hands. Goddamn him. He drops his head back so that he’s looking at me upside down and he smiles.

“I love you,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“I’ll love you more if you don’t bust your ass.”

He chuckles and just to drive the nail in the coffin that is my desire to be the reason he’s making noises like that, he slowly lowers his body and resumes his pull ups. I set his cup on the table where he has his tools and go back to sit down.

Cassian drops down and walks over to his mat to do his cool down stretches. A new song comes on and the words are so filthy that I find myself staring at him. His tattoos. My ex-boyfriend had always believed I was into Cassian- and I wasn’t. But I wasn’t blind and I’ve been at his house almost every single day since Thanksgiving- he is always without a shirt.

It’s just the music.

“Plan on drawing me?” Cassian asks and I blink. I look away from his tattooed chest and to his face. He is smirking. Shit.

“Uh. Yeah. What better way to do anatomy studies than with a living reference?”

“Anatomy, huh?”

He flashes me a grin before he walks over to the table for his drink.

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

His question distracts me from looking at his ass.

“Uh, whatever you want… I’m not really craving anything.” Except you. I sigh and cover my face with my hands and lean over. I need a cold shower.

“Hey… You alright?” he asks softly.

I nod and slowly sit upright.

“I’m just… I’m fine. I promise.”

He doesn’t believe me but he walks over to grab his speaker.

“I love this song,” he says and starts to sing along to it as he gratefully goes back into the house.  

Cassian meets me in the living room now dressed in a white tee and grey sweatpants. He lifts both my legs up so that he can sit down. This is normal. I always use his lap to rest my legs.

“I ordered Greek, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I told you, I’m not craving anything except-”

Fuck my entire life. Cassian raises a brow and I toss him the remote.

“Why don’t we finish your show so then we can watch my movie?”

This pacifies him and thankfully, his stupid show is so violent and bloody that all thoughts of fucking my best friend fade from my mind.

*

Our annual Christmas party is tonight and I’ve found an outfit. It is the kind of outfit Tamlin would have told me not to wear. It’s blood red and insanely inappropriate for winter with its spaghetti straps and super low neckline. Mor says it’s the perfect thing to wear after a break up and just the thought of all the pictures we’ll take with me and Cassian together makes me believe it.

I hang the dress up in the closet of Cassian’s bedroom. The heels are set beside his dress shoes and I can’t help but think about his reaction. Of dancing with him all night and coming back here and-

“Bunny!” 

“I’m in the closet!”

I hear him chuckle. 

“Shut up,” I call out and walk into the bedroom to find him pulling off his shirt. I feel my face go hot.

“I’m going to shower… do you want me to use the other bathroom?” 

“What? No, this is your house,” I say far more casually than I feel. “Besides, we’ve got time, we can share.” 

I want to punch myself in the face. Cassian starts to grin. 

“The shower might be a little too small for the both of us but I’m sure we could find a way to-”

Cassian laughs when I smack his arm. 

“Not exactly where I like being spanked but I’ll take it.”

“Oh my god, Cassian.”

He laughs and disappears into the bathroom. I force myself to leave the room when I hear the water.  

*

Cassian walks into the kitchen in nothing but a towel, his hair wet, water dripping down his chest. He walks over and takes the sandwich from my hands.

“Fuck, we’re out of beer,” he mutters as he opens the fridge. I grab the second sandwich I made, expecting him to steal from my plate and force my gaze up. On his stupidly gorgeous face.

“I can go get some,” I say but he shakes his head and walks over to take my cup of iced tea.

“Are you cool with us taking a cab tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” 

Cassian drinks from my cup and sets it down before pinching my cheek. 

“It’ll just be you and me,” he says softly. “So don’t worry about it.”

I blush at this and Cassian kisses my forehead. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Thanks for the snack,” he says with a wink and walks away.

*

I keep my makeup rather muted; lip gloss and the usual winged liner. Nude eyeshadow. Cassian picked out the highlight and I have to admit, he chose well. My hair isn’t going to get any better, so I leave it in loose waves rather than the curls I’d wanted. I’ll leave that to Mor. I feel nervous, this is the first time since the breakup that I’m going out with all of our friends but Cassian will be there, and that’s enough to ease my nerves. Almost.  

“Our ride is here,” Cas says as he walks into his bedroom. He stops and just stares. I approach him and hold out my ID card and debit card, needing to ignore the way his attention has me feeling.

“I don’t have pockets.”

“What?” He blinks and looks down at my hand. He laughs and pulls his wallet out. “You only need your ID.”

“Maybe so,” I say and reach out to smooth down the collar of his shirt while he puts my cards away. I remember my lip gloss and put it in his back pocket, giving him a wink.

Cassian holds my hand when we go outside, helping me down the steps and the driveway. It’s a regular occurrence, but I blush when he opens the door for me. And when he slides an arm around my shoulders when he sits down beside me. We take a bunch of pictures and call Cassian’s parents to check on Val- as if we hadn’t seen him an hour ago. 

When we get to the club, Cassian holds my hand as we walk inside. Cassian and the boys are all friends with the owner, so we get to skip the line.

“Where are we going?” I ask as Cassian leads us up to the VIP lounge.

“Meeting up with Rhys.”

“What’s he doing up here?”

Cassian chuckles. “You know Rhys never passes a chance to be extra as fuck.”

I can’t argue with that.

Upstairs, Cassian helps me out of my coat. His fingers brush my skin and my mind takes a swan dive into the gutter.

“What do you say to a few drinks before we go downstairs?” he asks as he takes my hand. The bouncer outside the lounge acknowledges us with a nod.

“Yeah, I could use it.”

Cassian flashes me a grin and then opens the door.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts and I find all of our friends standing under a Happy Birthday banner.

I am at a loss for words and Cassian laughs, bringing me further into the room. I’d completely forgotten about my birthday, I hadn’t cared enough to even think that anyone else would. But Elain is here with Az. So is Rhys and Lucien, Amren, Varian. Viv and Kallias, too. I’m separated from Cassian as I’m hugged and kissed by everyone. I realize Tarquin and Cresseida are here as well. Rhys is the one who breaks open the first bottle and we all stand around the little table to take shots.

“There is a cake,” Elain says as she hands me another shot. “But that’s later.”

“Later?”

She winks at me and shouts for Azriel.

“That’s my favorite song!” she exclaims and her husband happily ditches his brothers to go out and dance with his wife.

Lucien and Rhys pull me in for another hug as the others begin to trail down to the dance floor.

“You look good enough to eat,” Lucien mumbles and I laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re already drunk, Luce.”

“We may have pregamed at the house,” Rhys admits. “But we took an uber! It’s okay.”

I roll my eyes.

“You both suck. I’m going to go find me two other cute boys to dance with. Boys who would have invited me to pregame with them and no amount of flirting is going to fix that.”

They begin to whine and I laugh, holding onto Rhysand’s forearms as they keep me caged between them.

“Alright! You win!” I say with a laugh and look over to find Cassian looking my way. He smiles.

I want to ask him to dance but Mor pulls him away before I can open my mouth.

We drink and dance and drink and dance and drink some more. I feel light headed and everything makes me laugh. But I haven’t danced with Cassian yet and that’s enough to dampen the mood. I push my way through the crowd until I find Cassian at the bar. I take the empty barstool beside him and sit down. I order myself a margarita before turning to face him.

“And where have you been all night?” I ask and Cassian smirks.

“Enjoying the night,” he says and takes a sip of his drink.

“Without me?”

I don’t understand the look in his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink. He sets the glass down and leans forward. I didn’t really understand just how short this dress was until he lays his hand on my thigh. If I turn my chair completely, if he moves his hand just an inch more…

“Yes,” he says and kisses me cheek. “But I think I’m about to enjoy it more now.”

“Why?” I manage to say. Cassian’s hand brushes my thigh as he sits upright.

“I’m about to go dance with my best friend.”

“Are you now?”

My drink is set before me and I grab it, chugging it down as Cassian slides off his chair. He turns mine so that I’m facing him completely and puts his hands on my hips.

“If she says yes, of course.”

I finish the last of my drink and set down the glass.

“When have I ever said no to you?”

Cassian grins.

I have danced with Cassian many times. At parties, at the beach, at clubs and bars and festivals. At his parents’ house. I should be used to the feeling of his body against mine, of his hands on me while we dance but not like this. I want nothing more than to take him back up to the lounge and push him down on the sofa or go find an empty bathroom stall.

But I don’t.

Birthday cake and alcohol isn’t the best mix, but I haven’t felt this alive in months. My face hurts from laughing, from smiling. My vision is spotty from all the pictures we’ve taken but I don’t care. Everything is right in the world.

“My feet hurt,” I complain and sit on Cassian’s lap.

“Want me to rub your feet?”

I shake my head and lean into him.

“No. Not until I’m showered.”

He laughs. “Okay.”

I sigh when he wraps his arms around me. He is so warm and smells so good, I want to stay this way forever.

“I think the birthday girl is done for the night,” Rhys says teasingly and I realize I was dozing off. I look up to see Rhys standing there with a stupid smirk on his face.

“Fuck you,” I say and curl up in Cassian’s arms. I feel his hand holding my dress down from showing everyone else my ass.

“Tempting,” Rhys says and then shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I think I’ll pass.”

I don’t think much of the look Rhys gives Cassian in favor of playing with his hair. I take way too much satisfaction in the knowledge that not everyone gets to do this, and that he enjoys it. Cassian seems to win whatever silent staring contest he and Rhys were having and Rhys rolls his eyes and goes after his boyfriend.

“You’re making me sleepy, bunny.”

“Good thing we’re going home together then,” I say before my mind catches up. But Cassian only chuckles and hugs me a little closer.

*

Cassian and I are a laughing mess as we stumble into the house. I lean on him to step out of my heels and he laughs as I shrug off my coat and toss it at him. We’re both trying to catch our breath, and I swat his hand away when he tries to tickle me again.

“I’m taking a shower,” I breathe out and walk off but he stops me.

“Wait,” he says and I turn to find him smiling.

“What?”

“Happy birthday,” he says softly and pulls me in for a hug. “I promise I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

“Hm… you really know the way to a girl’s heart, Cas.”

He pinches my side and I yelp.

“Go shower,” he says and kisses the top of my head.

“I won’t be long.”

My shower is clumsy and not at all relaxing. My feet hurt. So I put lotion on my body and grab the bottle of perfume that is on the dresser, except it’s not perfume but cologne. I shrug and put on Cassian’s Nirvana tee shirt and double check I actually have underwear on before I go looking for him.

“Cas?” The house is dark save for the light coming from his room. “My feet fucking hurt.”

He says something but I don’t understand it. His room is open and I step inside, finding him lying on his bed. He’s got basketball shorts on and his hair is loose.

“Bunny!” he says as if he hadn’t seen me all day. “I almost busted my ass in the shower.”

“Me, too.” I say with a laugh. “Maybe we should’ve showered together. It would’ve been safer that way.”

“I like the way you think, Archeron.”

He holds his hand out to me and when I’m close enough, he pulls me into bed with him. “You smell good.”

I snort. “I smell like you.”

“Exactly.”

I swat his arm but he ignores it, putting his arms around me.

“My feet hurt,” I complain, hoping he’ll make good on his promise.

“Just stay here,” he says simply.

My heart stops and starts too fast.

“Like… sleep here?” I ask too quietly.

“Mhm.” He goes quiet for a moment and then groans. “I forgot to turn the light off.”

“I can do it,” I say.

“No… Stay here.”

He goes quiet once more, and I let myself relax. We haven’t shared a bed since we were kids, playing video games until Adela would force us to go to bed. I smile at the thought and rest my head against his chest.

“Goodnight, Cas,” I say quietly, my eyes getting heavy.

“Goodnight, bunny,” he says and lets me go to stretch. Then he wraps his arms around me again and moves us so that we’re on our sides. He presses a kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes, letting the warmth of him lull me to sleep.

.

.

.

@mythicaitt @bookloveaffair @nalgenewhore @candid-confetti 

#more than enough #cassian x feyre #crackship #and absolute self indulgence #him calling her bunny will be the end of me #i dont care what's canon #or that feyrhycien is everything to me

[sapphicmsmarvel]

Feysand: Punching Bags

Modern Feysand AU

Feyre breaks up with her abusive boyfriend and goes to a boxing gym to work out aggression. She meets the trainer Cassian who then realizes, hey, you’d like my brother. 

Also: “Hey kiss me, my ex is here.” 

All of the bat boys are actual brothers and Mor is all their cousins. 

No azriel and mor love story for that reason. 

and can we talk about how i got this idea from talking to my therapist

Stupid dick.

Those were my only thoughts as I got out of my car to go into the boxing studio.

Work out your aggression, Alis, my therapist, said to me. You went through an abusive relationship, Feyre. It’ll help get that resentment out.

I sighed again, pulling on the door handle, I could practically smell the sweat. The place was called Blood Rite. Nesta and Elain grimaced at the name after I told them where I was going. There was another thing that caused aggression; judgement from my sisters. 

There were two black haired tan men at the counter, one had shaggy hair that didn’t go past his ears. The other had long hair that was pulled into a bun. I walked up to the counter, the bun-man greeted me, “hi, welcome to Blood Rite, how can I help you?” “Hi, I spoke with someone on the phone that said I could just….come in and punch?” 

He smiled, Jesus he was pretty. “Yeah, just a 50 dollar fee and you can punch till your heart's content.” 

“Thank you,” I paid, I was about to go to the locker rooms when he called out. 

“Miss? We always ask names here, I’m Cassian, this is Azriel.” The shaggy haired one smiled and waved. 

“I’m Feyre.”

“Nice to meet you, Feyre.” I smiled in response. and went to the locker room with my bag. I wasn’t used to smiling at males again, Tamlin didn’t like it and I didn’t want to get hit. I sighed in frustration, I know I couldn’t have left in that situation. But it was still frustrating. I threw my bag into a locker, slid my phone into my leggings pocket and plugged in the headphones. 

I wrapped my hands and began punching, I punched before Tamlin, it was one of those things he “didn’t like me doing”. At first, I didn’t notice the controlling aspects. He blamed it on his ex, Ianthe or whatever. 

Punch. Punch. Punch. 

I didn’t wear the right clothes, I ate too much, I didn’t eat the right foods, I didn’t smile enough, I was too nice, too flirty. 

Why was I not good enough for that piece of shit? What did I do? What did I do to make him so fucking angry that he hit every goddamn day of our relationship?

Every cell of my body was on fire with different emotions, my hands felt numb, it wasn’t because of how much I punched, it was because of the anxiety coursing through my veins. My legs were itching to have kicked him in the balls, at least once. 

I could still feel his hands on me, how he’d grab my shoulders and yank me back to him if I walked away. How every time he was behind me, every hair on my body stood up. 

Someone touched my shoulder. 

Without thinking I spun around and punched them in the face. Then I saw the tan skin and long black hair, Cassian fell to the ground groaning. I ripped my earbuds out of my ears, “oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He groaned, “fucking hell, you throw a punch.” “I’m sorry,” I winced, I offered up a hand to help him up, he grabbed my hand. “Oh thank god it’s not bleeding,” I said.

“It’s alright.” He said, “but damn you throw a good punch.” 

I winced again, he continued, “but I was telling you, we’re closing.” 

My cheeks went crimson, “aw shit, what a way to end your night.”

He shrugged and smiled, “no problem, but I can tell you’re going through some shit, there’s a great place down the road, you seem like you need a friend.”

This dude would totally be a serial killer. “Sure,” I said, “What’s the name, I could meet you there?” Eh, what else did I have to lose? I was living in my sister's basement.

“Great, there’s this place called Rita’s down the road, I’ll be there in ten, I have to close down the computers and turn on the whole security protocol.” 

I nodded, “okay, see you there.” I ran off to go get my bag, I went to my car and hoped to god that I didn’t get killed tonight. 

------------------------------------

Rita’s was a bar. I quickly looked up their menu on my phone, Cassian said he’d be here in ten because all he had to do was close down the computers because Azriel took care of the money. 

Ugh, they had truffle fries, what a blessing. 

I saw him walk up to the doors and wait, I looked at the clock, he was right on time. I swallowed down the bundle of nerves, what if Tamlin showed? My stomach fell to my ass. 

I swallowed my fear and met him at the door, he offered me his arm, and I took it, smiling. We went and sat at a table, a waitress came, we ordered. 

He sighed and looked at me kindly. “So, you want me to ask the hard question or the easy ones?” 

“Give me an example of both.” 

“Easy: what’s your favorite color?” not red, “Hard: what made you so angry that you punched me that hard?” He asked, concerned. 

My stomach sank, “blue.” I answered the first one. 

He nodded, “Mines red, favorite food?”

“Truffle fries.” I said, “Chicken wings. This place has the best truffle fries.” He said wistfully. 

“Yeah, I saw their menu online, definitely going to enjoy those. So do you own the gym?” 

“I run it with my brothers, Azriel and Rhysand.” 

“Ah.” I said, awkwardly closing the conversation. 

It was awkward now, making friends was never my strong suit, it was Elains. 

“You should really talk about what’s bothering you.” He said gently, I nodded, “no judgement?” 

“Nope. But you’re so much like my brother, not talking about shit, afraid of being a burden.”

I huffed a laugh, “wow, you really attacked me with that one.”

“Hey, I know shit. So tell me.”

So I did, I spilled my guts to a complete stranger, I told him everything. From Tamlin and I meeting, first date, first signs of abuse. Everything. He held my hand. 

I made a friend.

---------------------------------------------------------------

A few more months went by, Cassian and I had a routine of me going to the studio every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night. Cas staying an hour after hours for us to talk, work out, whatever and then getting food after. 

But tonight was different. Cassian invited me out with his friends, who apparently have been dying to meet me after accidentally giving him a black eye. Azriel and him talked me up, I have never met Rhysand, he only came in on weekends and weekends were the days I dedicated to myself.

But I’ve heard the other regular girls gush about him. 

I wore skin tight black jeans, black shirt with no sleeves that was skin tight and had a cut out by my breasts. If I lifted my arms, the shirt exposed my midriff. Tamlin had forbidden this shirt, so I felt it was needed to break it out again. My muscles from working out and punching shit showed off quite nicely and I had heeled black boots. 

I shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed my leather jacket and headed out. I thought I had managed to avoid my sisters’ gazes but nope, Nesta is like a hawk.

“Where the hell are you going looking like that?”

“Out.” I said as I grabbed my keys.

“Feyre.”

“Nesta.” I said, warning in my voice as I turned around to face her. I wouldn’t be backing down, I will never back down again. 

Elain turned the corner, her eyes widening at my outfit, “where are you going?”

“She says she’s going ‘out’.” Nesta said. 

Elain hummed, “well, have fun Fey.” She smiled, a genuine, real smile, grabbed her hot chocolate and left the room.

I looked at Nesta with a ‘ha’ expression and opened the door to the garage, but not before I heard her go, “be safe.” I sighed as the door shut, if I went back in, it’d kill Nesta’s pride, me knowing that she cares. I brushed it off, I was going to have fun tonight with friends. Well, friends of a friend.

Good enough for me.

------------------------------

Rita’s was packed, I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel in anxiety, okay I got this. 

I pulled out my phone to text Cassian, I’m here. 

Three dots popped up, fuck yeah, i’m on my way to the parking lot. 

 I smiled and got out, it was warm for March but the sun was gone so it was chilly again. Clutching my jacket closer to my body, I walked to the doors. 

I ignored the creeps outside, Cassian came out and greeted me with a hug, “heya Feyre.” He waggled his eyebrows at the rhyme.

I rolled my eyes, “that was awful.”

“Get used to it, the group is ready with stories and puns for you.”

“Is it too late for me to leave?” I joked as he pulled me into the building.

“Yup, you’re stuck with me and now them.” 

My heart warmed at being accepted so quickly, Lucien didn’t accept me quickly. My heart then cooled at the thought of him. I missed him. 

“What’re you thinking about?” He said as we walked to the back of the club. “It’s just...been awhile since I’ve been out like this.” I shrugged. 

He nodded and squeezed my hand in comfort. 

We found the group in the back, well, I’m assuming they’re the group based on the fact that Azriel is there too. When he saw me he smiled (which was rare and I was so happy to see it), he got out of the giant booth to hug me, which again, surprised me but I was glad for it. 

“Everybody, this is Feyre.” I waved awkwardly as both brothers had their arms around me. 

“I’m Morrigan,” said the beautiful blonde. 

“Amren.” The other woman said, she was beautifully terrifying,

“And I’m Rhysand.” Said the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. He had the most beautiful eyes, Jesus christ. Were they violet?

I knew there was good genes in that family (hello look at Cassian and Azriel) but fucking hell. I smiled at all of them, don’t be an idiot, Feyre

Cassian let me slide in on the left side first of the u shaped booth, then he slid in after me. I was right next to Morrigan who hugged me, “I’m so glad to finally meet you!” She squealed. 

“I can’t believe you punched Cassian.” Rhysand laughed downing his whiskey. 

“She’s working on her anger management.” Cassian joked.

“Watch it, I can punch you again. And this time, it’ll be on purpose.” I gave him a look that had him howling. 

The others started laughing which eased the knot that was formed in my belly. Morrigan began telling more stupid stories about Cassian. Turns out they were cousins, Jesus everyone is related except Amren. 

Eventually, Cassian and Morrigan worked together to drag Amren and Azriel out onto the dance floor. 

“I can’t believe we kept missing each other.” Rhysand said. 

“I know,”

“Was it worth the wait?”

I pretended to think about it, “hmm, I finally met the great Rhysand and he doesn’t ask me to dance? Not really.” Okay, I need to stop drinking. 

But he smiled, those violet eyes twinkling. “I guess that means I can’t disappoint.” He got up and offered me his hand, I smiled and took it. 

He led me onto the dance floor, “just an fyi, I haven’t danced on the club floor in about three years.” I warned. Another thing Tamlin ruined for me. 

“Well, then, let’s dust off those moves!” Last Friday Night by Katy Perry started playing. 

I nearly rolled my eyes but then Rhysand started twirling me around, I started laughing. He then did some weird disco which nearly killed me. He pulled me into his arms, him and I danced together, his hands on my swaying hips, it felt freeing. We kept laughing and I felt light. 

Haven’t felt this in years. 

I saw a flash of familiar bronze hair, my stomach sank, it was Lucien. ANd next to him, Tamlin. Motherfucker. I quickly turned into Rhysand who noticed immediately, “what?” He whispered. 

“Keep dancing,” I said breathlessly, “him and his friend are over at the bar.” 

“Who?” 

“My ex. Blond and redhead guys, blond is my ex.” 

“The ex?” He referenced, Cassian told me that Rhysand had asked about my story, and he told it with my permission. 

“Yes.” I said, nerves fluttering in my stomach. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. But they’re looking.” 

“Fuck. Kiss me, please?” “Darling, you don't have to ask. Been thinking about it all night.” I turned my head, he went down and met me. This kiss was seering. My fingers wove themselves into his hair, my fingernails scraped his scalp and he groaned into my mouth. His hands slid up my waist, he gently squeezed my mid riffe, his fingers cold against my hot skin.  

We pulled away, he checked, “they’re gone.” I smiled, “thank you.” 

“Anytime.” He smiled back. 

The group found us, it was obvious we had kissed, both our lips were swollen, his hair was a mess thanks to me, and his hands were still on my wrist. 

They were about to say something, when Juice by Lizzo started playing. Cassian shouted and dragged me to go dance with him, I grabbed Rhys, who grabbed Az, who grabbed Mor and she grabbed Amren. All of us ended up in a dance circle just being idiots. 

Mor and I duetted the bridge of the song, “somebody come get this man, I think he got lost in my dms!” 

“What!” 

“My dms!”

“What!” 

“You better come get your man, I think he wanna be way more than friends!”

“What!” 

“More than friends!” 

We danced a few more hours away, when the others got tired, but I didn’t wanna go home. It was 2 in the morning but I felt alive. Rhysand and I went down to a diner, the others were ready to throw in their dancing shoes but since I wanted to stay out; which never happened, Rhysand stayed out with me. I didn’t have to worry about coming home to an angry man who would beat me. 

I felt so free. 

We pulled up to a 90s themed diner, the car ride wasn’t awkward but it wasn’t at ease, that kiss loomed over us. 

“I’m sorry about that kiss,” I said, once we were seated, my conscious just wouldn’t let me wait till later. 

“It’s okay,” he smiled. “I didn’t mind it.” 

I smiled. The waitress came over and we both ordered milkshakes. “I craved milkshakes like crazy whenever I went out.” I said. 

“When was the last time you went out like this?” 

I sighed, trying not to let the smile slip, “three years. But hey, I made some pretty amazing friends tonight, and I met you.” Vodka makes me ballsy, never again. 

“I’m different from a friend?” He asked, smiling. 

I nodded, “I don't kiss my friends.” Not like that, at least. 

“So is this a date?” He asked, quirking his eyebrow. 

I nodded, “I think so.” 

“Thank God, cause seriously, you’re beautiful.” He said, “and I’m a lucky man.” 

I smiled, little did I know, this was the beginning of the rest of my life.

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #cassian #azriel #morrigan #amren #feyre archeron #rhysand #feysand #elain archeron #nesta archeron

[thebluemartini]

Far From the Shallow - Chapter 5 [Nessian Fic]

TITLE: Far From the Shallow SYNOPSIS: Post-ACOFAS. As part of a deal with Feyre, Nesta has agreed to live with Cassian in the Illyrian Mountains. However, shortly after her arrival, she receives the startling news that she’s pregnant from one of her one-night stands. While she tries to quickly get a grip on her life, Cassian’s determined to make her see that she’s not facing this alone. 

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter (Total Chapter Estimate: 14)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 TAGGING: @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1 @trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour

@empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector  @aditiiparasharr

@justlikethecheshirecat

@mis-lil-red @supebowlere @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 5: January – Part I

“We’ve been having Azriel pay special attention to Dunclare,” Rhys revealed from his spot next to Feyre on the couch across from Cassian. “He hasn’t heard any rumors or observed anything lately about them wanting to threaten or attack you again.”

Cassian wasn’t surprised. Once Nesta told him that she used some type of power to knock out three Illyrians at Dunclare on Solstice and nearly killed them, he figured Dunclare wouldn’t be threatening them again anytime soon. If they thought she was a witch, they’d be frightened of her power and wouldn’t dare try to attack again without knowing how to combat her power.

They didn’t realize she didn’t know how to use her power. Cassian thanked the gods for that.

“But,” Rhys continued. “Azriel has apparently heard them spreading word about a witch in the camps, and he believes they are referring to Nesta.” Rhys and Feyre both looked up at Cassian with a puzzled look as they said this.

Cassian’s heart began to race. He knew there was no way he was going to be able to avoid talking about Nesta at this meeting, but part of him still hoped he’d be able to graze over the fact that she came to Dunclare. Because talking about her made him anxious for two reasons: one being that Nesta forbade him from telling them she was pregnant, and second, she also ordered him to not tell them of her newly discovered power.

A power that had not resurfaced since that night. In the two weeks since the Solstice, Cassian would have her grab his arms to see if she could make it happen again, insisting they should learn how this power of hers worked. He knew she would be able to stop it if it did occur, considering she left the Illyrians at Dunclare alive. Reluctantly, Nesta attempted to unleash the power, but nothing happened each time.

When he first wrote to Rhys and Feyre to inform them what happened at Dunclare, Nesta did permit him to say that she went with him (after much pleading from him, not wanting to have to lie even more to his His Lord and Lady). But she did not want him to tell them about her power because she didn’t think her sisters deserved to know anything about her life, so he neglected to mention how exactly the two of them escaped Dunclare camp.

“What makes them think she’s a witch?” Feyre asked.

Cassian swallowed nervously as he tried to come up with a way to avoid talking about Nesta’s new power that the few Illyrians at Dunclare experienced first-hand. “Remember when Nesta met Devlon for the first time? He thought she was a witch, and she claimed she was one too. I think it stems from that.”

“But did anything happen at Dunclare that would make them think she was a witch?” Feyre wondered. “I was shocked she even went with you.” 

“Nesta demanded to come with me,” Cassian stated. 

“Why?”

“She was threatened by the dead birds as well and felt like she should go too.”

Feyre slowly nodded in response but still seemed bewildered. “And how did the two of you escape?”

Cassian had been trying to come up with an adequate explanation for this his entire flight to Velaris that morning. He didn’t want to come up with an entirely new story. As close to the truth as possible would be best...meaning he would still say Nesta was the one who knocked out the Illyrians. But her method of doing so would have to be different...

“When I was unconscious, Nesta managed to catch them unaware and struck them all with a metal bowl to knock them out. Then we walked away from the camp until I was able to fly us out of there,” Cassian explained. “Perhaps, the Illyrians were just amazed she managed to hit them so hard with the way they view females and all, and that’s why they still think she’s a witch.” Cassian shrugged.

Rhys and Feyre considered his words and seemed to nod along in agreement that that was a possibility.

Cassian nearly sighed out of relief.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t go alone,” Rhys commented. “Azriel and I are going to pay them a visit on Saturday to remind them who their High Lord is and the consequences of murdering the General Commander,” Rhys continued. “I wish I could just take Orion’s war-lordship away,” he muttered.

“Me too,” Cassian growled. But if Rhys just took the war-lordship away from Orion, all the other Illyrian camps and war-lords would take it as another slight against them. There were no witnesses to the near-murder. It was Cassian and Nesta’s word against the three Illyrians.

There was no way the rest of the Dunclare camp and the other Illyrian camps would take the word of their bastard commander and his supposed witch and whore.

“Are you going with Rhys to Dunclare?” Cassian asked as he looked at Feyre.

“No, I’ll be staying here,” she stated. “I’ll be busy teaching art classes all day on Saturday.”

Cassian nodded, taking note of this information. He had told Nesta he had wanted to take her shopping for new clothes in Velaris, but when he had brought it up again last week, she expressed that she didn’t want to risk running into the Inner Circle or Elain.

But with Rhys going to visit Dunclare, Feyre preoccupied with art classes, and Elain never leaving the estate (as Feyre had mentioned to him earlier)...then perhaps he could convince Nesta to go.

Rhys and Feyre turned to look at each other then, and Cassian could tell they were talking to each other through the bond.

That bond that he was so jealous of. For centuries, he didn’t believe the mating bond was anything special, having witnessed bonds between couples who seemed so unhappy with each other...but Rhys and Feyre were proof that the bond could be special and extraordinary.

He wanted that. For centuries, he had felt so...lonely. Sure, he had the Inner Circle and had had many lovers...but he longed for something more. With someone.

Rhys suddenly got up and left the room, leaving Feyre to stare directly at Cassian.

“How is Nesta doing?” she asked softly.

Well, she’s pregnant, which appeared to shake her out of her state of emptiness. The baby has seemed to encourage her to find a purpose, to better herself. Because of the child, she avoids alcohol. She eats and is looking much healthier. She eats with me and talks to me. She’s still as fierce as ever. And now she apparently has the power to slow down a fae’s heartbeat and nearly kill them.

That’s what Cassian wished he could say.

He took a deep breath. “She’s well. She hasn’t had any alcohol, and she eats. She’s looking much healthier.”

Feyre smiled as her eyes lit up. “That’s wonderful! Do you think...I could come visit her?”

It would be one way for her to discover Nesta’s pregnancy...but Nesta would never forgive him if he allowed Feyre to come visit, knowing the bitterness she still harbored towards her. He had come so far with Nesta...he couldn’t ruin what had developed between them...An alliance? A friendship? Whatever it was, he didn’t want to risk losing her trust.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he answered hesitantly. “She’s...still angry at you.”

The smile on Feyre’s face disappeared, but she nodded in understanding.

Still, the desire to tell her that her sister was pregnant gnawed at him. He was essentially lying to his High Lady...

He’d need to get out of here before he blurted out the news. Abruptly, he stood up. “I better get going.”

Feyre nodded and stood up to follow him out of the room. When they reached the entryway, she hugged him goodbye as Rhys appeared.

“Are you sure you don’t want one of us to just winnow you back?” she asked.

“He’s probably thankful to have more time away from Nesta by flying,” Rhys commented. Feyre frowned.

“Yeah,” Cassian lied half-heartedly. It’s seemed to be the best coverup for the real reason...the fact that he couldn’t risk Rhys or Feyre seeing a pregnant Nesta. “But you know I love flying too.”

After a quick embrace with Rhys, he stepped outside of Feyre and Rhys’ home and took off to the sky.

________________________________________________________________

When he arrived back at his cabin, he didn’t see Nesta anywhere. Knowing she often took walks around the camp, he decided to go look for her.

He certainly did not expect to find her in the middle of one of the training rings.

He spotted her crouching down in the middle of the ring, wrapping a young Illyrian boy’s arm. As he approached, he found Emerie leaning against the fence surrounding the ring.

“What is she doing?” he wondered as he stood next to Emerie and watched Nesta talk to the boy. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but he could tell from Nesta’s features that she was speaking to him gently and sweetly...There was no sign of a frown or a smug smirk. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Nesta talk to someone like that before.

“The boy got hurt during training. When the training ended, she rushed over to him and started bandaging his arm with her pieces of her shirt,” Emerie explained.

Suddenly, an older female approached the ring opposite Cassian and Emerie. The female looked at Nesta and scowled. Then she looked at the young boy. “Talon!” she shouted. “I told you to stay away from that witch! Get over here!”

The boy immediately ran over to the woman. Nesta just stared at them as they walked away. When they were out of sight, Nesta made her way back to where he and Emerie stood. Upon seeing Cassian, Nesta appeared startled, but quickly composed herself and walked with more determination toward them.

“Are Illyrian children taught anything else besides how to fight?” she immediately questioned them upon reaching them.

“Hello, sweetheart. The journey from Velaris was great. Thanks for asking,” Cassian sarcastically stated in response to her abrupt question.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Just answer the question. And let’s start walking back. The baby is hungry,” she stated with a slight edge to her voice.

Nesta started to walk away, and Cassian and Emerie followed after her.

“The only formal lessons they have are for fighting,” Cassian answer seriously.

“Only their family members - if they are literate - will teach them to read and write. Their mothers teach their daughters how to cook and clean,” Emerie piped in.

“Hmm,” was all Nesta said on the matter before she began to button up her coat over her now torn-up shirt without losing her stride.

Cassian glanced over at her and noticed that the shirt she was wearing seemed familiar…

“Are you wearing my shirt?” he asked, unable to hide his bewilderment.

“I assume so. I found it in one of the drawers in my room. My dresses are too snug,” she stated simply.

“I’m surprised you would willingly wear something of mine considering you always complain of my supposed stench,” he remarked.

And he was also surprised how...even more attractive he found her to be while wearing one of his shirts.

“Oh, I made sure to wash it twice before wearing it,” she said smugly.

Cassian grinned back. “As much as I adore the fact that you’ve actually deigned to wear one of my shirts, I found out today that Rhys will visiting Dunclare on Saturday and Feyre is going to be busy teaching art classes, so perhaps, we can go shopping in Velaris.”

“Where will Elain be?” Nesta questioned him seriously.

“She never leaves the estate.”

“And Azriel?”

“Will be with Rhys.”

“And Mor?”

“In the Winter Court.”

“Amren?”

“Still in the Summer Court.”

Nesta took a deep breath. “You’re positive that my sister will be busy teaching art classes?”

“Yes.”

She took another deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll go.”

Cassian grinned. “Excellent.”

________________________________________________________________

The scarf that Nesta had wrapped around her face was beginning to itch. But she refused to remove it.

Cassian thought she was crazy when she put the scarf on as well as the hood of her jacket, leaving her eyes to be the only visible part of her face.

“You do remember that Velaris is not as cold as it is here, right?” Cassian had said earlier that day.

She had glared at him as he lifted her in his arms and proceeded to explain how there were some people in Velaris who could recognize her as their High Lady’s sister.

...Then there was also the fact that following the war, somehow many of the Night Court inhabitants knew that Nesta and Cassian had nearly died together on the battlefield. She didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about them shopping together...especially since she was now visibly pregnant. But of course, she did not voice this reason aloud to Cassian.

Looking up at him as they soared through the sky toward Velaris, she was...surprised. Surprised at the contentment upon his face as he carried her and surprised at the ease she even felt to be within his arms.

As if feeling her gaze, he glanced down at her with a smile. “Almost there,” he said before grabbing her more tightly and swooping down toward the ground.

Even though the flight took hours, she found that she wished she was in the security of his embrace for a little while longer when they landed on the sidewalk and Cassian put her down on the ground.

Shaking off whatever feeling that was - it was probably because of the pregnancy, she told herself - she stepped away from him and looked from left to right at the shops along the street before them. It was her first time in Velaris in months.

And...she didn’t exactly miss it.

She turned around and looked past the buildings of the bustling city to a more run-down area of the seemingly spotless city. There lied her old apartment, all the seedy bars she frequented...

She didn’t miss that area either.

Bringing a hand up to her stomach, she started rubbing circles as she thought about what that period of time left her with.

“Want to head this way? I know of a shop with maternity clothes down there,” Cassian stated, causing her to turn around. He gestured with his hand pointing to the left.

Nesta nodded and began strolling alongside Cassian down the sidewalk. The street was filled with a fair amount of fae who were shopping in the strip of shops. To her relief, none of them seemed to pay them any attention. With Cassian’s status, she wasn’t sure if he’d draw attention.

But there was a family that caught her attention.

A male and a female, who she assumed was married, were walking toward them as their two young children skipped excitedly while holding their hands. The parents’ faces seemed to radiate joy as they smiled and happily replied to their curious children’s questions.

She couldn’t help but wonder...would that be what she would be like with her child? Would she be able to remain patient and gentle and excitedly talk to him or her about what they were going to do that day?

And would anyone ever be by her side to be patient and gentle and excited with her?

“I think they’re off to the winter fair,” Cassian said as the family passed them, and Nesta tilted her head to the side to look up at him.

“The fair?” she questioned, her voice muffled from the scarf around her mouth.

“Every year, for a month after Solstice, Velaris hosts a winter fair. There’s usually food, games, music, sleigh rides…”

Nesta nodded along, indicating she had heard him. A small smile, hidden by her scarf, came across her face as she thought back to when she was younger, when her family was wealthy, and the fair would come to their village. She would run around excitedly, and Elain would chase after her. She’d play the kids version of horseshoes and try to win ribbons for her hair, and she’d ride the beautiful ponies again and again.

Time was much simpler then, she realized as she stared down at her hands before rubbing her stomach once more.

“Here’s the store,” Cassian announced and led her to the shop’s door, opening it for her and gesturing for her to enter. Nesta walked inside the small shop that was compact with various maternity dresses. She was relieved to find that no other customers were present in the store. Only the shopkeeper was there, standing behind the counter and smiling brightly up at them as they came inside.

Nesta strode over to one rack of dresses and began flipping through them, one after another, searching for ones that caught her eye. As she did so, she noticed Cassian going through the dresses on the rack opposite hers.

She paused her search and looked up at him. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Looking for dresses for you,” he replied, still looking at the dresses.

“Why? I figured you would’ve just dropped me off and left to go to another store to buy cologne or something.”

Cassian stopped going through the dresses to look back over across the rack at her. “Is that your way of telling me to go buy cologne to cover up my supposed stench you always complain about?”

“Maybe,” she remarked as a small devious smile came across her face. But in reality, she didn’t mind Cassian’s scent...she only minded the fact that it was his scent.

“Well, I’d have to bring you along to shop for cologne to tell me which one actually covers up my stench,” he added as he resumed looking through the dresses.

Nesta went back to moving the dresses across the rack as she looked through each one. “But why are you shopping with me now?”

“I simply have an eye for picking out dresses,” he said as he grabbed the hanger holding a chartreuse-colored dress and pulled it off the rack to look at it more closely.

Nesta rolled her eyes after glancing at the dress he grabbed. “That is an ugly shade of green. If that’s your idea of a nice dress, then you are a blind bat.”

“Perhaps, I was searching for a color to match this unpleasant aspect of your personality,” he commented casually as he threw a playful grin her way.

Nesta narrowed her eyes but said nothing in return as she continued going through the clothing on the rack.

After Cassian hung the chartreuse dress back up, he looked over at her again. “No rebuttal?” he asked in a surprised tone.

“I’m too busy plotting the ways I could strangle you for such a comment,” she said casually.

“Sweetheart, if all you wanted to do was get your hands on me, all you have to do is ask,” he stated with a smug grin. “No strangling necessary.”

Nesta managed to not let a groan escape her lips. “Do you think if I wore this dress as I murdered you, your blood on it would be less noticeable?” she asked as she lifted up a crimson dress.

“Ha. Ha,” Cassian stated drily, the cocky grin disappearing from his face.

Instead, a smug smile appeared on Nesta’s face. She draped the crimson dress over her arm as she continued her search.

Eventually, she moved onto other racks, grabbing a few dresses that caught her eye and carried them in her arms. Cassian went to different racks and picked out some dresses as well.

Once Nesta was finished looking, she looked around to find Cassian. “I’m going to try these on,” she announced to him when she spotted him nearby.

Cassian immediately walked over to her. “Try these on too,” he instructed as he placed three dresses in her arms on top of her bundle of dresses.

The top dress was a black silk one that seemed sophisticated and elegant. She mostly wanted just simple, casual dresses. She couldn’t foresee a moment during her pregnancy where she would need a dress for a special occasion.

“I don’t think I’ll need this black one…” Nesta began to say. “It’s too...fancy.”

“Just try it on,” Cassian gently suggested. “You never know.”

Nesta simply nodded, not wanting to start a spat over this. It was a pretty dress. She wouldn’t mind simply trying it on.

The shopkeeper, clearly having heard their conversation, strode over to her and gathered the dresses from her arms, then led her over to one of the fitting rooms, shoving the curtain to the side and hanging up the dresses within the small room. “Let me know if you need any help,” the shopkeeper kindly offered before departing the room.

Shedding her winter coat, scarf and a shirt she borrowed from Cassian, Nesta tried on a simple, blue dress. Seeing that it fit nicely and comfortably, she took off the dress and went onto the next one.

As she was sliding on the crimson one, she heard Cassian’s voice call out to her. “Aren’t you going to come out?”

“Why?”

“So we can see how the dresses look like on you, sweetheart.”

His use of the nickname “sweetheart” still peeved her, but she was tired of trying to break that habit of his. Now all it did was make her heart yearn for the day someone would genuinely call her sweetheart.

But she wouldn’t dwell on it.

Because after all, in his words, he didn’t understand why her sisters loved her. So why yearn for something that would never come to be?

Nesta took a slow, calming breath as she stared in the mirror. Her stomach was bigger, and her breasts were much fuller. In her eyes, she was beginning to look and feel like an elephant.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Nesta yelled back to him.

As she twirled in front of the mirror to test the flow of the dress, she overheard the shopkeeper talking with Cassian.

“When is your baby due?” she heard the female voice say.

“In May,” Cassian replied kindly, and when she didn’t hear him correct the shopkeeper about their relationship, Nesta’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

“You two will make such a cute family,” the shopkeeper said.

“I think so, too,” Cassian said, and Nesta just knew he was grinning mischievously as he said it.

Shoving the curtain to the side, she stormed out of the stall. “CASSIAN! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!” she shouted.

Cassian was clearly in the middle of throwing the shopkeeper a charming smile her way, but when Nesta appeared, he turned his face toward her and his mouth dropped slightly open.

“You’ve already killed me,” he breathed as he stared at her.

“Excuse me?” Nesta asked angrily and put her hands on her hips, not sure if she had heard him correctly.

“You look stunning in that dress,” he said, still staring at her as if he was completely mesmerized.

“Just because I’m pregnant and may feel unattractive doesn’t give you the right to tell me fake compliments,” she barked back at him.

“I’m not lying,” he said firmly and calmly, his eyes still gazing at her.

Nesta narrowed her eyes at him. Then with a huff, she turned around to head back into the changing room and immediately shuffled out of the crimson dress.

As she removed another dress from a hangar and slid it up over her body, she realized she never even reprimanded Cassian for his words that sent her out of her fitting room in the first place. She sighed with frustration.

“Show us the next dress!” she suddenly heard Cassian shout.

“No,” she hissed loudly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Will you at least show me the black dress I picked out?” Cassian pleaded. 

“Not until you explain to the shopkeeper that we are not together,” Nesta requested through clenched teeth.

Nesta turned her attention toward the remaining dresses she had not tried on yet and looked for the black one Cassian chose. With its lacey sleeves and silky skirt, the dress was meant for a special occasion. Nesta was sure she wouldn’t be attending such an occasion anytime soon. What would she need a dress like this for?

“Well, we have been living together for four months,” Cassian pointed out, “But we are not a couple and I am not the father of her child,” she heard him explain.

Begrudgingly, Nesta slid on the black dress. Without even looking in the mirror, she stepped outside the changing room.

Cassian looked up at her and stared once again. “Alena, go ahead and charge this one to my account,” he said without taking his eyes off of Nesta.

“Yes, General,” the shopkeeper replied as she scuttled over to the register.

“What? You don’t need to do that,” Nesta remarked as she crossed her arms against her chest. “I’m never even going to have an occasion to wear this!”

“We’ll make sure there is one,” Cassian replied softly as he approached her. “You look beautiful,” he murmured as he pushed a strand of her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

Nesta closed her eyes and took a deep breath as he did so.

He was entirely too close.

She turned on her heel and went back into the changing room.

She then proceeded to try on the other dresses she had gathered. Taking the ones she felt were comfortable and best flattered her growing figure, she made her way to the counter where the shopkeeper stood.

As Alena went through each dress and analyzed each price tag to calculate her total, Nesta turned her head back to find Cassian wandering aimlessly through the aisles of clothing. As if he felt her eyes upon him, he looked up at her and gave her a warm smile as he began to make his way toward her.

“I wish my boyfriend would look at me the way the General looks at you, let alone compliment me the way he does,” Alena whispered.

Nesta jerked her head back to face the shopkeeper. “Excuse me?”

Alena gave her a soft smile. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nesta sternly replied.

Alena just shrugged and smiled, then announced the total she owed right as Cassian appeared at her side.

“I’ll need my allowance to pay for this,” Nesta remarked as she turned her head to look at Cassian.

Looking at him turned out to be a mistake as she found him gazing warmly at her, still smiling. The look stirred something within her that made her instantly look away.

“Just charge them all to my account,” Cassian instructed to Alena.

Alena immediately shot a quick grin Nesta’s way as soon as he said it. Nesta let out a frustrated sigh. “You don’t need to take pity on me. Just pay for it with the allowance my sister gave you.”

“Consider it a late Solstice present,” Cassian replied nonchalantly.

Nesta let out another irritated sigh.

“Alena, we’ll be back to pick the dresses up at the end of the day,” Cassian quickly said before Nesta could say anything more.

Alena nodded in response, packing the dresses in a sack and stowing them behind the counter. Nesta looked back at Cassian with wide eyes. “The end of the day? Aren’t we flying back to the Mountains?”

“I thought you and the baby might be hungry?” Cassian said, searching her eyes to see if he was correct.

Alena shot another annoying grin her way upon hearing Cassian’s suggestion.

She wished she could say Cassian was wrong and get them out of this insufferable city as soon as possible.

But truthfully...she was starving. And she’d probably tear Cassian’s head off during the long flight back if she didn’t get some food in her.

He was so good at keeping her well-fed…

Nesta slowly nodded in response, then put her jacket on and her scarf around her neck. Before moving to wrap it around her face, she gave a pointed look to Alena. “If the High Lord or Lady know that I or Cassian was here today, I’ll have your head.”

“Nesta,” Cassian chided.

“Understood,” Alena simply stated without the slightest bit of fear.

Nesta, looking pleased, wrapped the scarf around her face as Cassian bid his goodbye to Alena, and they headed out of the store.

When they stepped outside, Nesta lifted up her hood to cover her head and heard Cassian sigh beside her.

“Have something to say?” she questioned him as he led the way down the sidewalk.

“You’re just...ridiculous,” Cassian said with an amused grin.

“Well, you’re insufferable,” Nesta replied.

“Liar,” he asserted. “If I was truly insufferable, you wouldn’t be standing next to me right now.”

“This pregnancy has made me much more emotional, and the mother in me doesn’t want a lonely bastard like you wandering the streets alone.”

“And the lies continue,” Cassian commented in an amused tone. “We both know that you relish in walking the city streets next to a dashing, attractive male.”

“If only there was one here to walk next to,” she shot back with an amused grin.

Cassian winced. “I walked right into that insult.”

“Indeed,” Nesta confirmed. “Where are we going?”

“There’s a few restaurants at the end of this street that we can pick from.”

Nesta nodded as she turned her head toward the shop windows they were passing by. One was filled with kitchenware, another with unique and colorful jewelry and another with baby-related items.

“Let’s go inside and take a look,” Cassian suddenly announced. He must’ve caught her staring at the baby toys through the window as they walked. He grabbed her hand and whisked her into the store.

And despite the sudden action, all she could focus on was the feel of Cassian’s hand in hers. How his grasp was firm and tight around it.

She nearly squeezed his hand, but stopped herself when she remembered the powers that once flowed from her hands. She instantly let go of him, and he followed suit.

Looking up, she found themselves surrounded by racks and shelves of various items for babies, like clothing, bottles, carriages, and more.

Strolling up to one of the racks, she stared at the colorful clothing and kept leisurely walking along the aisle until she reached the stuffed toys.

It didn’t feel real.

To be looking at baby clothing and toys and various supplies for taking care of a baby, knowing that in five months’ time, she’d be cradling a baby in her arms, using all the various items that currently surrounded her.

She took a deep breath. How in the world she could possibly be ready for that sort of life?

“Nesta…” Cassian began hesitantly from his spot near a rack of baby clothing. “Is there a chance the child could...have wings?”

Nesta perked her head up to look over at him. He wasn’t looking at her. Instead, he was staring down at a piece of clothing he held in his hands.

“Yes,” she answered hesitantly as she thought back to the times she slept with an Illyrian to spite Cassian.

Cassian’s wings seemed to sag out of sadness as he looked back at her. “I wasn’t sure if we’d need to find clothes to accommodate wings,” he revealed quietly.

We.

Even though Cassian had told her he’d be there for her and help her with this raising this child, she still felt shocked every time he alluded to helping her and the baby.

She nodded back at him, then turned back to the shelves of various rattles and toys. She couldn’t handle thinking about her child potentially having wings right now. There were too many other things to worry about.

As she strolled along, she came across a few wooden cribs.

A crib. She would need a crib.

Let alone a room for the baby.

And a home.

Would she really live with Cassian, at least until her year deemed by Feyre was up? Would he even still want her living under the same roof once she had the child?

Nesta took a deep breath and grabbed hold of one of the wooden crib’s railings to lean against it and closed her eyes.

She wasn’t sure how she would ever get used to the idea of having a child. Being thrown into a world she did not know and did not care for and now had to raise a child within it...It was overwhelming.

Suddenly, she felt a warm hand press against her shoulder. “Nesta, are you alright?” Cassian asked. “What’s wrong?”

Nesta opened her eyes and turned to look at him. “It’s nothing,” she replied. “I’m just...hungry.” It may not have been the real reason why she was feeling distressed, but she was still feeling famished.

“Let’s go eat then,” Cassian stated. “I was just thinking that maybe we could go eat at the fair?”

“Okay,” Nesta softly said as her childhood memories of the fair flooded back to her. Perhaps the fair would be a good distraction for her...

She turned her whole body around to begin walking alongside Cassian toward the exit.

As they wandered along the sidewalk toward the fair, more and more fae populated the streets. It seemed like everyone was heading to the fair.

And there were families. Many, many families.

When they stepped through the fair’s gates, Nesta felt like all she could see were the many children roaming about. Nothing else.

But her focus was broken when she felt a hand press upon the center of her back. She tilted her head up to find Cassian giving her a brief smile before turning his head forward to continue guiding her with him to one of the many food stands.

Did he really look at her in a special way, as the shopkeeper had suggested?

He certainly took care of her...but that was out of honor toward his mother. That’s all it was.

Nothing more.

“Sit here to rest your feet,” Cassian suddenly stated as he stopped by a bench and gestured for her to sit down. “I’ll get us some food.”

Nesta simply nodded before taking a seat as Cassian wandered off to one of the nearby food stands. After he had cooked for her for the past few months, she figured he would know what food she would like. Plus, her feet were starting to feel a bit sore.

How did he seem to always know what she needed before she even fully realized it herself?

Choosing not to dwell on it, she turned her attention back to the event surrounding her. As she scanned the area, her eyes landed on the sleigh rides that were happening near the edge of the Sidra. The sleighs glided along a pathway amongst the various trees and twinkling lights and were led by a magical creature that was similar to a horse.

One of the few pleasant memories she had of her mother was riding in a sleigh led by a horse with her when she was very young that led them through the village and ended at a pond where they went ice skating.

At that moment, she saw a young girl excitedly hop into a sleigh with an older female who she assumed was her mother.

Is this how her relationship with her children would be? Would they go to fairs together and ride a sleigh or carriage? Would they come here to celebrate Solstice?

Even though she certainly was not fond of Velaris, would she need to put those feelings aside to best raise her child?

Which brought her back to wondering what would happen after the birth and her year in the Illyrian mountains was up. Where would she go? Would she even be allowed to stay in the mountains?

Would she even want to stay there, with the way they treated females and children?

The thought brought back the memory of the other day when she walked around Windhaven and found very young Illyrians training. When one boy was scratched on the arm by another boy’s dagger and it hadn’t been tended to by the end of the session, she had decided to tend to it herself.

As everyone left the ring, the upset boy had dragged behind, looking very upset. She had approached him and ripped off a strip of Cassian’s shirt. The boy had eyed her warily, but when she gestured that she wanted to bandage his arm, he slowly stuck out his arm.

He was not a shy fellow and openly lamented that he hated learning how to fight and would rather learn how to be a healer and help bandage people up as she was doing herself.

Children shouldn’t even be learning how to fight at such a young age.

If she stayed in the Illyrian Mountains after the birth, would her child be pressured into fighting? Or would the Illyrians want nothing to do with her?

Cassian suddenly appeared beside her with an outstretched hand holding a skewer with pieces of meat on it. Nesta accepted it, and then stared at it within her hand.

She’d need to remove the scarf around her mouth to eat it. And there was an overwhelming amount of people around them. Plenty of chances that someone would recognize her as the High Lady’s sister.

Cassian eyed her curiously and was just opening his mouth to speak when Nesta interrupted him.

“Let’s go on a sleigh ride,” she quickly interjected before standing up abruptly and heading in the direction of the sleighs. She didn’t even wait for Cassian and simply assumed he was following after her.

The sleigh rides disappeared away from view when they went through a small, wooded forest. That would give her time to eat her food without the worries of being seen by someone.

When she reached the sleighs, she could sense Cassian right behind her. An attendant greeted the General and gestured for them to board the next sleigh.

Once they sat on the cushioned seat, Nesta still held out her skewer and just stared at it as the sleigh began to slide through the snow. Once it went behind the trees, Nesta yanked off her scarf and took a few bites of her food.

Cassian shook his head when she started eating. “And here I thought you just wanted to be alone with me.”

“Then you’re clearly delusional and should be checked out the next time I meet with the healer,” Nesta commented sternly before taking another bite.

Cassian gave her a concerned look. “How are you feeling? Is there a reason you need to see the healer?”

“Nothing besides the regular checkup,” she answered as she rubbed her stomach with her free hand. “As far as I can tell, everything seems fine.”

“And...how are you feeling otherwise?”

Nesta arched her eyebrow. “Otherwise?”

“How are you feeling...emotionally?”

“You mean, other than wanting to strangle you most of the time?”

Cassian smirked. “I mean, how are you feeling about the pregnancy?”

Nesta shrugged. “Fine.”

“You just seemed...troubled in the last shop,” he stated hesitantly.

“Well, I’m fine,” she said more harshly than she intended.

Cassian took a sharp breath and dropped his now empty skewer beside him. “I noticed you were looking at the cribs...” he began calmly. “It was supposed to be your Solstice present, but I haven’t finished it yet. I started to build a crib for the baby, so you don’t need to worry about buying one.”

Nesta perked her head up and stared straight at Cassian. “What?” she whispered.

“And I’ve started cleaning out my study, too, so we can turn it into the baby’s room.”

For a moment, Nesta felt like she couldn’t breathe. “You...you don’t need to do that. I’m sure your mother would be satisfied with you just providing -” she began.

“I’m not doing this for my mother,” he interjected as he stared into her eyes.

“Well, you certainly don’t need to do this because I’m Feyre’s sister!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not,” Cassian answered gently.

“Then why?”

“Because I care about you,” he revealed softly.

Nesta sat straight up and turned her face to look out at the trees they were passing and to avoid Cassian’s gaze. She put her empty skewer down on the seat. ��I don’t understand why you would,” she revealed honestly.

“While you can be difficult most of the time,” he began, and Nesta could tell from the tone of his voice that he was probably smirking as he said it. “I’ve enjoyed living with you the past few months. And I think you have too.”

“I don’t know what makes you think that,” she replied sternly, but inside...she marveled at his care for her the past few months. She did not fully understand it nor felt deserving of it. But she was tremendously grateful.

“You’re telling me you haven’t enjoyed plotting how to handle the Illyrians together? Living together? Eating meals together? Spending today together?”

Nesta’s eyes fluttered closed, but she said nothing. To admit if she had enjoyed it...would be opening herself up to potential heartbreak. The males in her life seemed to always let her down. She should be detached from this.

Before...he wasn’t there for her.

But he’s here now, a voice inside her seemed to say.

“Even flying together?” he added.

“Not when you pretend to fall out of the sky!” she immediately shouted as she turned to face him.

“But otherwise, you enjoy it,” he said with a smug grin. He slid his hand across the seat cushion and stopped it beside her hand.

“I tolerate it,” she remarked.

Cassian still smiled but shook his head. “You’re a tough one to crack, Archeron.”

Nesta gave him the slightest smile before turning away to return to looking at the passing scenery.

“Did you know that you remind me of my mother?” he wondered aloud.

“I think we’ve already established that I am pregnant, and the baby’s father is not around to help take care of the baby, similar to your mother’s situation.”

“Well, yes, but there’s more to it than that,” he said. “I have only the vaguest memory of my mother spitting upon the boots of the Illyrian leaders when they took me away from her as soon as I could walk to bring me to Windhaven. She fought so hard to prevent me from going, they had to restrain her. Even though she’d been abandoned by my father and was alone and outcasted by her camp, she fought. I heard that even after they took me away, she tried everyday to convince the leaders to bring me back to her or to let her come to me. She was resilient and fearless...like you.”

Was that even true, with the way she acted only a few months ago? She certainly didn’t feel resilient and fearless. More like, just surviving and getting by so her child doesn’t experience what she went through with her father not caring about her well-being.

She didn’t dare voice these thoughts aloud to Cassian. Instead, she continued to focus her attention on the trees while keeping her face turned away from Cassian.

“You don’t have any other memories of your mother?” she wondered.

He shook his head. “No. I only have a few stories others have told me of her and some of her belongings the Illyrians allowed her to send to me before she died.”

“At least you have that,” Nesta said gently.

“Do you have any memories of your mother?”

“Only a few pleasant ones. I remember going on sleigh rides with her when the fair would come to town,” she stated. “She taught me how to braid my hair and would take me to buy dresses. Appearance meant everything to her. Actually, maintaining a high status was probably the most important thing to her. It was more important than taking care of us. So that’s what the servants were for.”

She never truly minded how her mother treated her and sisters. She still had a few pleasant memories of her...probably because she only spent a limited amount of time with her. She had clung tightly to her father’s love instead and felt like it was enough...until it proved to be her undoing.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he moved his hand so it rested on hers on the cushion.

Nesta shrugged. “So you were forced to begin training as soon as you could walk?”

Cassian nodded.

“That’s horrible,” she commented. “And that young boy I saw who was injured during training...he didn’t even want to train. He was forced.”

Cassian sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s how it is. A male that doesn’t train to be a warrior would be considered an embarrassment to the family and to the entire camp.”

“That is ridiculous.”

“I agree.”

She turned back to face Cassian. “You need to do something about it,” she firmly stated.

“I will,” he insisted. “But I have to go one step at a time with these fools. Right now, I’m focusing on allowing females to be trained.”

“But the children -” Nesta began to protest.

“I’ll take care of them,” he hurriedly cut in. “In time. Their fathers agree to the training and the females aren’t allowed to disobey them. It’ll take time to change their mindset.”

Nesta sighed as she pulled her hand out of Cassian’s grasp and crossed her arms against herself.

“And I can’t do that without your help,” Cassian added seriously.

“Well, obviously. Someone needs to be around to save you from being poisoned again,” Nesta remarked, desperately needing to avoid the heaviness of Cassian’s words.

“And luckily, you’re already an expert in that area,” Cassian commented and then he gave her the look again as he brought his hand up to her face to slide a strand of her hair behind her ear.

It was the second time he had done that that day, but this time she didn’t move. There was nowhere to run to, and she found herself staring intently right back at Cassian.

His hand lingered on her cheek. She wondered if his heart was rapidly beating just like hers.

The sleigh suddenly came to an abrupt halt, causing them both to look up and realize their sleigh ride had come to an end. Nesta gasped as the crowds were now back in view, and she realized she needed to put her scarf back on.

“Stay right there,” she ordered Cassian before he could start exiting the sleigh. “Don’t move.” At first, Cassian appeared confused, but when she began pulling her hood down to rewrap her scarf around the bottom half of her face all while hiding behind his hulking body, he understood and rolled his eyes.

After she brought her hood back up, she looked back up at him. “Okay, we can go now.”

Cassian stood up and stepped out of the sleigh. As soon as his feet planted on the snowy ground, he turned toward her to grab hold of her hand and help her down from the sleigh.

But as they started walking away from the sleigh, he did not let go.

And against her better judgment, she didn’t either.

________________________________________________________________

He had almost kissed her.

And he still wanted to kiss her.

But now she had that silly scarf around her face, blocking her lips from him.

For now, he’d simply have to settle for holding her hand as they made their way through the crowds. Shockingly, she had not yet let go of it yet.

And that was enough to put him in a state of bliss. The only disappointing thing happening at this moment was the fact they would have to head back to his cabin soon. It had been such an easy-going and pleasant day with her. And it had been so nice to see her walk soberly down the streets of Velaris. It helped dampen the memories of finding her drunk out of her mind, stumbling out of bars with other males.

But having those memories and seeing her now proved her resilience.

He wished he could tell her he was proud of her. He almost did...but held back, unsure of how she would take him making such a comment.

She already had been difficult when he simply told her she looked beautiful earlier that day. Then saying she was resilient and fearless like his mother seemed to make her uncomfortable too.

But she was still holding his hand, and that was something. He gave her hand a squeeze and briefly looked back at her...simply to look at her.

Of course, he could only really see her beautiful blue-gray eyes, making it hard to read her expression. He wished he could understand what she was feeling.

“How are you feeling?” he called back loudly.

“Tired,” she said rather sleepily.

He had forgotten about fatigue being a common aspect of pregnancy. While he wished his day with her out and about like this wouldn’t end, he knew they needed to head back. “Okay, we’ll go pick up your dresses and then fly back to the mountains.”

Nesta nodded in agreement as they exited the fairgrounds and began strolling down the bustling sidewalk toward the boutique they visited earlier. As they got closer, the sidewalk gradually became less populated, allowing them to actually walk beside each other.

“So, did you enjoy today, or was it really merely tolerable?” Cassian asked her with a grin.

“I enjoyed it,” she replied softly.

He could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Did you actually admit that you enjoyed spending the day with me?”

“Don’t expect it to ever happen again,” she replied firmly. Her eyes narrowed at him, but he could see a glint of amusement as well. 

Cassian beamed at her and gave her hand a squeeze as he pulled open the door to the maternity shop. Unfortunately, he was forced to let go of her hand as he held open the door for her to enter, and he followed behind her.

As soon as they walked in, Alena saw them and immediately retrieved the sack with Nesta’s dresses. Nesta outstretched her hands to accept it.

Then Nesta went up behind Cassian to attach the bag to his back.

She may not have believed him, but she truly did look beautiful when she tried the dresses on that morning.

And she looked beautiful right now, even with the silly scarf and hood covering her face. At least he still had her mesmerizing eyes to look at.

“You better not pull one of your silly flying jokes and lose my dresses,” she demanded as they began to head out of the store.

“Believe me, sweetheart. There’s no way I’d risk losing the chance to see you in that black dress again.”

It may have sounded like he said it in jest, but it was true. She had looked stunning in it.

They bid their goodbyes to Alena as they exited the store. Once they stepped outside, Nesta approached him, likely expecting him to pick her up to soar back to the mountains.

But there was...still one thing that nagged at him all day. That guilty feeling that he was being disloyal to his High Lord and Lady.

Maybe, just maybe, Nesta would possibly reconsider.

Cassian stared at her as she stood before him expectantly. To her surprise, Cassian grabbed both of her hands within his own.

He took a deep breath.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to Feyre? She could help you.”

But as soon as he said Feyre’s name, Nesta froze and her hands went limp within his grasp.

“I told you,” she began in a deathly quiet voice. “That I didn’t want her to know, and I certainly don’t want to go talk to her,” she stated angrily before yanking her hands out of Cassian’s grasp and pulling her scarf down past her mouth. “Have you forgotten why I’ve been wearing this scarf all day?”

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “Nesta, I know. But you should talk to her. Her studio is just around the corner.”

Nesta’s eyes suddenly widened, and he was unable to read the expression that came across her face.

“Her studio is just around THE CORNER?!” she reconfirmed, her voice rising with every word.

“Nesta, please - ”

“Was this just the plan all along?!” she cried out. “Convince me to go to Velaris, take me to a store right by my sister’s studio, buy me dresses and flatter me, then just get me to stay here longer to talk to Feyre at the end of the day?!” she exclaimed angrily. “Gods, I can’t even believe I actually thought you - UGH!”

“Nesta, no!” Cassian pleaded as he reached for her hands, but she kept them out of his reach, even going so far as to turn away from him. “I meant everything I said and did today,” he insisted. “There was no ulterior motive!”

“Please stop lying to me!” she pleaded softly.

“I am not lying!” he yelled back.

“I can’t even look at you!” she shouted as she crossed her arms against her chest.

“Nesta, please understand. While it’s hard for me to keep this a secret - ”

“It’s not your secret to tell!” she interjected.

“While it’s hard for me to keep this a secret and I do want you to talk to Feyre, it did not influence what I said and did today. I meant everything and I enjoyed each moment with you.”

Nesta took a long deep breath. He could only hope that his words were finally sinking into her.

“I don’t believe you, and I don’t care,” she suddenly said quietly. “I am not talking to my sister, so please just take me home.”

Her words stung.

It felt like a stab to the heart. After all their time together today...for it to conclude like this…

He thought they had come so far today, but now...were they really nearly back at square one?

“Nesta…” he said gently as he pressed a hand upon the back of her shoulder.

“TAKE. ME. HOME.” she ordered harshly. “And you can only touch me to carry me back,” she requested before quickly turning her body around, causing his hand to slide off her body.

While she was now facing in his direction, she kept her eyes glued to the floor and her arms crossed as she waited for him to pick her up.

It hurt so much to know that she didn’t believe him.

And it hurt so much to know that he hurt her.

Just like that, the elation he felt from his day with her was gone.

At a loss, he had no choice but to pick her up and hope she would cool off by they time they reached his cabin.

When he held her, she made no move to wrap her hands around his neck as she had done before.

While he’d been left feeling wounded by her words, he clung to one shred of hope: that she referred to his cabin as her home.

And he held onto that hope for their entire journey back.

________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed that cuteness with a dose of angst...always gotta have a dose of angst! ;)

Let me know your thoughts! :)

---> CHAPTER 6

#nessian #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #nesta cassian #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #a court of thorns and roses #a court of misty and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #far from the shallow #fanfiction #nessian fanfiction

[stars-falling]

Joggers (Elriel & Feysand)

Summary: “Okay, enough small talk. Let’s go.”

They both launched into a jog, steering away from the main paths in the park and towards the less populated routes. It had become a tradition, a part of a routine they had developed over the year they had been friends. On Saturday, they attended an art class at the Velaris community centre. It was the place that they had met. Azriel, an aspiring tattoo artist, went to improve his art skills and left with a new friend. On Sunday mornings, they went jogging through the local park, catching up on each other’s lives as the art class required focus and not gossip.

“How’s life? I heard you mention to Ressina that you’re dating someone.”

Azriel blushed slightly. She couldn’t tell if it was from the cold, the exercise or the mention of the mysterious girl that he had been smitten with for the past few weeks.

Or

Feyre and Azriel go jogging. Feyre is introduced to her boyfriend's family and Azriel can't believe that Elain knows Feyre.

Pairings: Elain/Azriel, Feyre/Rhysand

Notes: Enjoy this fic I wrote when I was meant to be tidying my room. Apologies for any SPaG errors! Also, thank you @amusedowl for reading this through💖

To the anon who requested the mafia! au, I am nearly finished outlining it and will begin writing it soon!

Word Count: 1,498

Read here on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Azriel!”

Feyre waved her hand in the air, trying to get her friend's attention. He looked up from where he was leaning against a tree and pulled out his headphones.

“Hey Feyre,” he replied, pulling her into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

Feyre rolled her eyes. “You’re so polite all the time, I literally saw you yesterday.”

“Well, someone needs to be polite in my family. Nobody else has any manners.”

Feyre laughed. She had never met Azriel’s family, a family that he spoke so highly of most of the time, but they amazing. 

“Okay, enough small talk. Let’s go.”

They both launched into a jog, steering away from the main paths in the park and towards the less populated routes. It had become a tradition, a part of a routine they had developed over the year they had been friends. On Saturday, they attended an art class at the Velaris community centre. It was the place that they had met. Azriel, an aspiring tattoo artist, went to improve his art skills and left with a new friend. On Sunday mornings, they went jogging through the local park, catching up on each other’s lives as the art class required focus and not gossip.

“How’s life? I heard you mention to Ressina that you’re dating someone.”

Azriel blushed slightly. She couldn’t tell if it was from the cold, the exercise or the mention of the mysterious girl that he had been smitten with for the past few weeks.

“Yeah, I met her at your art show actually. We’ve been on a couple of dates, and I really like her. What about you? Your phone didn’t stop buzzing the entire class yesterday.”

Feyre also blushed and refused to look at Azriel as he sent her a teasing look.

“I may have met someone, not that it’s any of your business.”

Azriel spluttered, “that is so rude. I told you about who I’m seeing. You should do the same.”

Feyre just stuck her tongue out at him and sprinted ahead yelling, “race you to the pond.”

Azriel just shook his head and ran to catch her up, until they were neck and neck sprinting down the path and towards the finish.

o.O.o

“I can’t believe you beat me. I had a head start.” Feyre sat down on the floor and gratefully took the water bottle that Azriel passed to her.

Azriel just crossed his arms. “It serves you right for cheating. You know what they say, karma's a bitch.”

Feyre had a good lead on Azriel on the beginning but he had quickly caught up and surpassed her. Being a slightly sore loser (read: a very sore loser), Feyre had cut across the main path, resulting in her being blocked by a chattering mass of children and their carers.

Feyre’s phone buzzed for the second time in the span of five minutes.

Azriel smirked, “is that the mystery suitor?”

“Shut up,” Feyre grumbled as she looked at the text she received.

Rhys❤️

Are you still up for meeting my family tonight?

She smiled as she saw who it was from. She typed her reply.

As long as you’re ready to meet mine x 

Rhys just sent a heart in reply. Feyre put her phone away and looked up to find Azriel staring at her.

“What?”

He shrugged, “Nothing. I’m just wondering who that guy is.”

“You probably don’t know him.”

Azriel didn’t reply. He just offered a hand to her and pulled her up when she accepted. They launched back into a jog.

“So,” Feyre began, “are you doing anything tonight?”

Az shook his head, “nothing exciting. I’m going to dinner with my family. I love them but sometimes they can be a pain.”

Feyre nodded in agreement. 

“Definitely. I’m taking my sisters to meet my boyfriend's family tonight. I’m slightly scared of Nesta’s reaction.”

Azriel chuckled before a moment of realisation crossed his face.

“So the guy you’ve been texting is your boyfriend.”

Feyre scowled at the statement.

“Okay, he’s my boyfriend.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Feyre smiled at Azriel.

“You’re my best friend, so I know that you’d demand to meet him and you’d scare him off.”

Az pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m both offended and delighted that you think I’m scary.”

Feyre waved him off and picked up her speed.

o.O.o

Azriel watched as Rhysand took another sip of wine. He had almost finished two entire glasses in the half an hour that they had been waiting for their table to become available. He drained his glass before signalling the bartender for a refill.

“What is up with you?” Cassian took the full glass of wine that had been handed to Rhys. “You’re going to be drunk before we’ve even been seated.”

Rhys just made to grab the glass back. “I resent the fact that you think I can’t handle my alcohol.”

Azriel laid a hand on his shoulder. “Cassian’s right. You seem nervous. What’s up?”

Rhys just laughed. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? I barely ever hear you say that Cassian’s right.”

“Cassian’s right, Az agreed. We don’t care, just tell us what’s wrong.” Mor sat in between Rhys and Amren, looking concerned. “You haven’t acted like this since you introduced Amarantha to us.”

They all shuddered. Rhys’ ex-girlfriend was a complete nightmare.

“I know, I’m-“

Rhys was interrupted by someone barrelling through the door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.”

Rhys lit up and he stood to embrace the woman.

“It’s okay, darling. We haven’t been seated yet.”

Rhys pressed a kiss to the mystery woman’s lips. She turned around.

“Feyre?”

Feyre’s eyes widened as she took in Azriel’s presence.

“Az, what are you doing here?”

Rhys looked between them, confused.

“Do you two know each other?”

Feyre stopped staring at Azriel and turned to Rhys.

“Yes. He’s my best friend. The one I was telling you about.”

Rhys let out a startled laugh. “He’s the best friend? I thought you said he was cool. I know for a fact that Azriel is the opposite of cool.”

Azriel smiled and slung an arm around Feyre’s shoulders. “You think I’m cool? I’m flattered.”

Feyre pushes his arm off. “Yeah, whatever.”

The hostess interrupted the conversation.

“The table is ready.”

They followed the hostess to a large, elegant table. Rhys sat and Feyre took a seat by his side.

“Are you going to introduce us?” Cassian asked.

“Oh, yes,” Rhys pointed at his family. “This is Cassian, Morrigan and Amren. You already know Azriel.”

Mor smiled and waved at Feyre. “You can call me Mor. So how do you know our dearest Azriel and Rhys.”

“Well, Azriel is my best friend. We met at the art class in the Velaris community centre.” She turned to Rhys. “Rhys is my boyfriend.”

Rhys pulled Feyre into a kiss. “This is why I was nervous. I was going to introduce you to Feyre tonight.”

“He’s the mysterious suitor?” 

Feyre nodded and smiled softly at Rhys. 

“Yeah, he is.”

Mor leaned forward. “You guys are so cute.”

Azriel paused. “Didn’t you say you were going out with you sisters tonight?”

Before Feyre could reply, several footsteps interrupted her. Feyre turned before rising to her feet and wrapping her arms around the taller woman.

“Guys, these are my sisters, Nesta and Elain.”

Nesta inclined her head towards the group before taking the open seat next to Cassian, much to his delight. The other sister remained standing.

“Elain,” Feyre prompted, “aren’t you going to take a seat?”

But Elain just stared at Azriel, who stared back. She broke eye contact and slowly took a seat next to Azriel. He leaned towards her.

“You’re Feyre’s sister?”

“You know Feyre?”

They stared at each other, taking no notice of everyone else observing them.

A smile broke across Elain’s face.

“Hi.” She breathed before pressing her lips against Azriel’s. They broke apart several seconds later. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I know, I-“

“WHAT?”

Feyre was watching them with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

“WHAT?” She repeated.

Rhys looked uncertainty at Azriel. “Um Az, care to explain.”

“This is Elain, my girlfriend and apparently Feyre’s sister.”

Feyre continued to look between them.

Cassian began humming ‘it’s a small world’ but Amren leaned across Mor to hit him.

“Don’t.” She hissed.

Cassian shut up.

Elain piped up, “How do you know each other?”

Feyre wiped her hand across her brow. She let up a delirious laugh.

“You’re the mystery girl. You’re the girl he’s smitten with. Oh my god, he’s dating my sister.”

Elain leaned towards Azriel.

“What’s she talking about?”

Azriel sighed.

“We went jogging together this morning and she was interrogating me about you.”

Understanding descended upon Elain.

“Feyre is the best friend.”

Azriel nodded in confirmation.

She leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“It’s a small world.”

Cassian started singing again and Mor joined in. This time, Amren did not interrupt them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging: @amusedowl

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

#Elriel #Feysand #Acotar #feyre x rhysand #elain x azriel #feyre archeron #rhysand #elain archeron #Azriel #the inner circle #Feyre and Azriel are best friends #joggers #lily writes

[bookaholic1012]

Prythian Magazine Part 2

A/N: Only Mor in this chapter. The Inner Circle will be in the next one, I promise!

PM Masterlist  My Writing

 The wait seemed to go on and on and on. After telling the secretary, Clotho, they were here to see Mor she left to go get her. The silence between Lucien and Feyre was tense. If Mor didn’t help them, they would have nowhere to go. Lucien’s family hated him and treated him like scum. His mother, Nora, was the only one who treated him as he should be, but Mrs. Vanserra couldn’t because  Lucien’s shitty dad-her shitty husband-Beron, was a controlling bastard. Feyre was positive Beron wasn’t treating her right, but she rarely saw Nora and didn’t have proof. Lucien left long ago, and didn’t have proof either, though he did share Feyre’s suspicions. They certainly wouldn’t be welcome in the Autumn Court if they went there. They hated Feyre, too. Thought she  was a peasant who couldn’t be friends with someone of the family’s status.

 And the certainly wouldn’t be welcome at Feyre’s home. Her eldest sister, Nesta, only showed love to Elain, the middle child. She was always cold towards Feyre. Since Elain and Nesta live together, she knew the atmosphere would be awkward. Especially since after their mom died, Nesta was colder towards her. Feyre never understood why. Feyre was - and still is- angry with Nesta because -

"Feyre Archeron! I can’t believe it! It’s really you!” A loud, happy voice shouted.

 Instantly, Feyre recognized the voice. They were best friends after all.

 “Mor!” Feyre turned to see a stunning blonde walking towards her.Mor engulfed her in a hug, and squeezed her enough that Feyre was pretty sure a rib or two broke. They stood like that for what seemed like ever. Feyre didn’t realize how much she missed Mor’s brightness in her life. An awkward cough broke the friends apart. They both turned to see Lucien looking uncomfortable.

"Uh. Hi, Mor. I’m-”

“Lucien Vanserra.” Mor practically spit his surname out, as if it tasted vile.

 Lucien flinched at the use of his last name. Feyre didn’t know the details, but she knew his father was responsible for something that happened to his girlfriend at the time, Jesminda. It’s why he fled the Autumn Court, and after that he went by Lucien. Just Lucien.

“I just go by Lucien, actually. And I’m sorry for what my family did to you.” Wait. What? Mor’s eyes seemed to darken at the mention of his family. What happened? 

“I’ll consider accepting your apology. Anyway,” She turned to Feyre looking considerably happier, “ What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you since you started dating that tampon.”

“Yeah…. About that… you see…” Feyre didn’t know how to tell her what happened, but Mor’s eyes widened, filling with anger.

“Feyre. Who. Did. That.” She whispered fiercely. She glared accusingly at Lucien with her fists clenched.

“Tamlin.” Lucien answered her, his own eyes filled with anger.

“What?” Feyre asked. Lucien pointed to Feyre’s face and when she put her hand to it, Feyre realized her hair shifted and the bruise was visible. Hastily, she adjusted her hair, covering the bruise again. Tears filled Feyre’s eyes as she thought back to earlier that morning when her life went to hell.

“I’ll explain later, but Mor, we don’t have a place to go. We were hoping -”

“Say no more. Feyre, of course you can stay with me. And I’ll let Lucien stay as well considering he helped you leave that sad excuse of a man. I have to admit, I was always interested in Beron’s youngest son who ran away from his family.” At that, Lucien cracked the smallest of smiles, but his eyes seemed a bit haunted.

“I’ll bring you to my home right now!” Mor announced, “But first, do you want to see the Inner Circle?”

“They’re here?” Feyre asked with barely contained excitement. Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhysand, and Amren. They were known by everyone as the Inner Circle because they mainly kept to themselves. Her best memories are with those guys. It hurt when she couldn’t speak to them anymore. Feyre felt anger bubble inside her when Feyre thought about how she let Tamlin dictate her life. Although Feyre would love nothing more than to see them, she felt a wave of fatigue hit her. All the craziness has caught up to her.

“Yup. We were actually in a middle of a photo shoot when Clotho came to tell me you were here. They’re excited to see you again. Rhys especially.” Mor’s voice had a suggestive tone when she mentioned her cousin. I couldn’t help the blush that appeared. Lucien appeared to be amused with Mor’s response.

“I would love too, Mor, but I’m tired. I’ll see them tomorrow.”

“Same. I could use some sleep.” Lucien said.

“Sure. Let’s go!” Mor said, linking her arms with them.

 After asking Clotho to inform everyone of where she was going, Mor brought Lucien and Feyre to her amazing penthouse. It was beautiful and grand, but not in the way Tamlin’s place was. His was grand because of the furniture and other decor he bought. Mor’s was grand in an architectural sense. The terrace offered a beautiful view of the city. It would be a great spot for painting. That is, if Feyre still painted.

 Mor insisted on feeding them. She ordered 3 pizzas and not a crumb was left when the three of them were done. She showed Lucien his room and escorted Feyre to her own. It was amazing. The room was decently sized and had a bathroom, walk-in closet, and a balcony. It was…. Wow. Mor gave Feyre some privacy to get ready for bed. She insisted that Feyre should borrow her clothes.

Mor came up a couple minutes later with a bag of ice. “For your bruises.” She said, handing her friend the bag.

“Thank you, Mor. Not just for the ice, but everything. You are such a great friend to me. I’m sorry I cut off all contact with you. I was in love with Tamlin and foolishly let him control my life. I honestly don’t deserve you as a friend. You are an incredible person, Mor.” By the time Feyre finished, tears filled her eyes. She was feeling overwhelmed with everything- anger, hurt, love, relief.

Mor pulled Feyre into a hug. It felt reassuring. When Mor let go of her, she just sat there for a bit before speaking.

“Feyre, you don’t need to thank me. I will admit, it hurt when you left me, and not just me, but all of us. I was angry at you, too. For letting that tool take you away from us. I was right, by the way, about Tamlin. I told you he wasn’t a good person,” Feyre cracked a tiny smile at that, “But I understand that you loved him. I think you were blinded by that love, and I can’t blame you. When you’re in love, you can be blind to how someone treats you. You’ll notice the good, but stay oblivious to or justify the bad. I love you, Feyre. You’re a sister to me. Of course I’ll help you out.”

A new wave of tears came, but they were happy ones. Mor really is an incredible person. Feyre knew bad things have happened to her, and she really didn’t deserve any of it. Feyre hugged Mor.

“Thank you, Mor, and please don’t say anything about the bruises.”

“Your welcome, Feyre, and of course I won’t say anything--it’s your choice. Goodnight.” Mor said softly, heading towards the door.

“Goodnight, Mor.” She left, turning off the lights. Laying there in the dark, Feyre felt so grateful to have somebody like Mor in her life. For some reason that she couldn’t explain, her last thought before falling asleep was how excited she was to see everyone again. Specifically, Rhys.

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you want to give me feedback, please do! I have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself with this chapter. It’s 1290 words! Also, are you guys interested in multiple POVs? I meant to ask you last time, but forgot. The next chapter will be in Feyre’s POV, but if a lot of people tell me they want this fic to have multiple POVs, chapter 4 will be told from another character’s perspective. So, please let me know if that’s something you would like!

*Nora means light*

#prythian magazine #part 2 #pm #acotar fanfic #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acomaf #a court of mist and fury #acowar #a court of wings and ruin #modern au #modeling au #feyre #cassian #rhys #mor #azriel #amren #lucien #my writing #multiple POV??

[moonprincess92]

A family can be 2 traumatised soldiers and their 30 kids (5)

1, 2, 3, 4 

Read on AO3 

Part 5 

“You’re not serious?”

“We have to,” Jyn insisted. “I’ve got Vance and Rivi sucking face whenever I turn my back, and a slightly traumatised Azha asking me what an erection was. We literally have to give them the talk.”

Jyn was not looking forward to it in the slightest, but someone had to be there for these kids before there were accidentally even more of them to take care of. It wasn’t something that had been on the most urgent of lists in her head, but now it was becoming more and more apparent that it was needed. She wondered whether it was ironic of her to be bringing up the subject now of all times, lying in bed with Cassian, naked and feeling a very, very good kind of exhausted.

“Poor Azha. What did you tell her?”

“The bare basics for now. She was more than a little horrified,” Jyn snorted. “Look, really I just need to know what our policy on this is going to be. What did they tell you when you were in the youth class?”

Cassian scoffed a little. “When I was twelve, our commanding officer would fall asleep in the corner. I learned about sex from the holonet.”

“Yowch,” Jyn winced.

“You?”

“Saw,” She could at least laugh at the almost-forgotten memory now. “When I was nine, I overheard some of the older men talking. I asked him and he told me, but he also said ‘don’t do it ever or you’ll die’. I swear I was afraid of sex until I was at least 20 years old.”

Cassian snorted, curling an arm around her head and shoulders. He drew her in, kissing her firmly and murmuring, “You don’t seem scared now.”

“Mmm … I eventually got over it.”

“How?”

Jyn pulled back and shot him a look. “You don’t really want to know my number, do you?”

“I thought I did …” Cassian mentioned, rolling onto his side. Jyn matched him, curling her bare legs through his. “Now, I’m thinking we’re probably both better off not knowing. Although,” he added. “shouldn’t we be modelling to the kids that open communication is always the best policy?”

“Within reason.”

“Fair enough.”

He kissed her again, and it was deeper this time. His arms around her started to wander, one of his hands threading into her hair. Jyn hummed a little as she tightened her legs around his. This was the kind of intimacy that Saw had failed to also mention that day so long ago. She knew better than anyone that sex was messy, awkward and sometimes downright risky, but it could also be beautiful, tender and fun. All it took was the right person. She moaned a little as he pressed closer, lips moving with more fervour.

“How–” She began. “How did it take us so long to get here?”

“Who cares,” Cassian said roughly into her neck. “We’re here now.”

They got the call late, just as they were getting ready for bed.

“Was that the commlink?” Jyn yelled from the refresher.

“Hold on–” She heard Cassian move across the room, picking up both hers and his until he found the right one with the call. “It’s Malia!” he suddenly yelled back. “She wants to hologram us.”

“Put her through!” Jyn hastily finished dressing, shoving her sleep shirt over her head so that she could rush back through. By the time she was leaping up onto their bed next to Cassian, Malia was already chatting away, her little holographic self blue and flickering. Once she was in view, Malia grinned and added,

“Jyn! AHHHHH, sorry if I called at a bad time, I wasn’t exactly sure of the time difference–”

“It’s fine, we don’t care,” Jyn said at once. “How are you, Malia?”

The last time she’d been able to speak to her in person, she was just about to be deployed out to her first rebel outpost. Malia she knew had been working somewhere in the inner-rim ever since, able to send the odd message or call occasionally to let them know she was still ok, but not much else. Jyn knew that she had to be acting like an overprotective parent, constantly wishing for a reply, hoping to know that she was all right, but she couldn’t stop herself nor did she care to. She genuinely smiled at Malia’s youthful face and the enthusiasm in her voice.

“I’m good,” she grinned. “Food sucks here, but I love my squad – loads of them are my age, so we all get along super well! How about you guys? How are the rest of the kids?”

“We’re ok,” Jyn told her. “Got a few new ones since you left, but we’re mostly the same.”

“I heard from Aden that Vance and Rivi date now?” Malia asked.

“Girl, that’s old news, keep up,” Jyn teased.

“Ahhhh, oh my god!” Malia laughed. “I can’t believe it! They were so ridiculously cute – although that reminds me, tell Aden to bloody message me back, because he’s useless and needs reminding- OH, I have to tell you about–!”

She and Cassian sat and listened to Malia talk for what had to be a good hour. Even though he kept moving to yawn out of sight and Jyn’s head was resting heavily on his shoulder, they didn’t cut her off. Jyn could listen to her voice a while longer yet. Eventually though, after a particularly rousing story involving her superior officer in his underwear and several stolen rations, Malia trailed off a little, watching them both with an almost pensive expression.

“Hey, um … can I ask you guys something?” she mentioned.

Jyn lifted her head, despite the fatigue. “Of course,” Cassian answered her.

Malia hesitated a little before ploughing on, “When you guys fought on Scarif … did you think you were going to die? Or did you think you’d be able to fight your way out?”

Jyn closed her eyes a moment, feeling Cassian tense a little next to her. Why was Malia asking that out of the blue, suddenly questioning her role in this rebellion when up until now, she’d always been the perfect dutiful soldier? It wasn’t a role that Jyn had ever wished for her, but it was what Malia had wanted, to ease the stress on her family back home by helping the galaxy. Not only was it concerning where it had come from, but what the hell answer could they even give to a question like that? Yes, Malia was an adult. She could make her own decisions and come to her own conclusions, but she was still a child in Jyn's mind.

When she glanced over at Cassian, however, she knew that the only answer they could give was the truth.

“We went in thinking 100% that we were going to die,” Cassian told her matter-of-factly. “It was a suicide mission. The odds of getting out were so low we couldn’t let ourselves imagine surviving.”

Malia nodded slowly. “But you did… survive, I mean.”

They exchanged looks. “Yeah, we’re still not sure how that happened,” Jyn admitted.

“Luck, mostly.”

“Good timing,” Jyn added. “Malia, what’s wrong? Why are you asking us this?”

Malia huffed a little. “I guess… things are ok here. Really. But sometimes, I wonder what the point in it all is. Our Captain keeps telling us that any mission could be our last. You know, that we shouldn’t have high hopes, or whatever, but surely if we race into battle with that thinking then OF COURSE we have a higher chance of getting killed? Doesn’t it make more sense to go into each battle thinking ‘I’m going to survive’…?”

Jyn sat up straighter. “You listen to me, Malia – kriff whatever your captain says, you never stop surviving, ok? There’s always a chance, always hope. You always come home, you hear me?”

She could tell that Malia was struggling to keep her face straight. She nodded as she said, “Yeah. Though you guys always had each other to come home to. I don’t have anyone.”

“You have your family,” Jyn said. “and you have us.”

 “Really?” Malia’s bright eyes went wide, clearly swimming.

“We love you,” Cassian told her. “Of course.”

“AWWW, I’d hug ya if I could!” Malia said, gleefully. “Honestly, thank you for everything, guys. You’re like that renegade aunt and uncle who only turn up to family dinners randomly and unannounced, yet still buy all the kids presents.”

“I’ll take it,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

Truth was, Malia was just as much a daughter to them as the rest of the kids were.

“Just remember you’re never alone,” Cassian said. “You’ll always have someone to come home to. We’re here, ok?”

She nodded once more, her throat clearly closing up as she attempted to not cry again. When Malia finally said goodbye and clicked off Jyn let out a long breath, turning and immediately burying her face in Cassian’s chest. He dropped the commlink onto the nightstand, slumping further down so that he could hold her, wrapping an arm up around her back.

“She’ll be fine,” he murmured.

“I know,” Jyn whispered. “We taught her well.”

“C’mon! Faster, faster! Do you have legs or not?!” Jyn yelled across the stretch of no man’s land.

Having turned a part of the training gym into a fake battle ground, the kids were apparently having too much fun pretending to shoot each other than they were at actually carrying out their assigned objective. Having split the kids into two even teams of all ages, she and Cassian had placed Neera and Warrin respectively in charge of each team. Jyn thankfully didn’t regret her choice at all. Neera might still be a little in shock at the whole ‘parents uprooting her comfortable life and suddenly transferring the entire family to the rebellion’ thing and she still cried at the drop of a hat, but the 13-year-old’s confidence was moving in leaps and bounds. She demonstrated as such by the girl scrambling to the top of a climbing frame and shoving her blaster into the air.

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!” she cried. “FOR THE REBELLIONNNNNN!”

Her teammates all screamed after her.

Jyn had her back to one of the tables that they’d flipped to provide varying cover and obstacles throughout their battle ground. On the other side of the gym, Cassian’s choice of appointing Warrin as captain she was certain wasn’t exactly going how he’d planned it. He’d justified his decision as it being a good opportunity for Warrin to focus all his energy on something, but the boy just wasn’t wired that way. He came up with a different game plan every thirty seconds, laughing maniacally and shooting anyone who came within two feet of him, whether they were his own teammates or not. She could see the vein throbbing in Cassian’s forehead from over here.

“Jyn, should we attack yet?” Jade was next to her, the girl having somehow perfected the art of signing while still managing to hold her blaster up at firing level.

“I’m just a foot soldier, here,” Jyn made sure to also sign back as she addressed her team around her. “Neera is your captain, she’s the one’s you should be asking.”

“Oh, right!” Jade hastily signed to Neera across the floor as the kids all attempted to coordinate themselves into another attack position after the last attempt to cross no man’s land and seize the other team’s base had failed. Jyn watched with satisfaction. Ok, there might have been a slight lack of finesse (not to mention some arguing and Trina occasionally whining that no one was listening to her) but these kids were smart. They were strong.

They knew what they were doing, and they were prepared for war.

Even the young ones were joining in this time. Jyn was often so reluctant to expose the younger kids to this kind of training: the fighting, the running, the violent game they had to play to win… but Cassian had convinced her that it was impractical to not let them build at least some skill. As a result, Arlo was in charge of the stun-bombs, devices that let off a dizzying bang whenever thrown. Four-year-old Charlee sat on top of Geron’s shoulders, the added height an advantage in picking out the other team (not that she was that great at her aim yet, but it was the tactic that Jyn was counting). Even little Bree was a part of the battle, although the other team had mostly just been using her as a distraction so far, Warrin managing to realise that her Cuteness Factor was in fact their most dangerous weapon. Indeed, the older kids’ protection of the younger ones had been so drilled into them by this point that Jyn had watched her team hastily hold their fire and skid out of the way whenever Bree was instructed to happily toddle out into the middle of the battle field.

(She was sure that was Cassian’s idea, the bastard. He wasn’t winning this).

“Ok, soldiers!” Captain Neera jumped from her perch, dashing towards her team behind all the target dummies, tables and other climbing equipment that made up their base. “We know as soon as we attack, they’re gonna send out Bree again, because that’s apparently the only strategy they have.”

“Laaaaaame,” Trina giggled.

“So we’re executing Operation: Bree-nap!” Neera grinned.

Jyn was certain that she shouldn’t be feeling so proud at listening to Neera explain her plan to kidnap Bree and take her as their hostage, but she did anyway. She was trying her hardest to hold back here, to let Neera and the kids take charge. This was supposed to be their battle. A fierce protectiveness was fighting her, a part of her needing to look after them all, but she all but chained herself to a table to keep herself back as Neera screamed,

“TAKE ‘EM OUT!”

Jyn’s heart pounded as she leaned over a table, blaster ready to pick off anyone who tried to stop her team. She watched as Neera led the charge, kids leaping over the tables with raucous battle cries. Warrin’s team on the other side fired back, but Neera had led her squadron more than halfway before anyone even fell.

Their blasters might have been on stun, but their passion was as real as any war zone. Kris scooped up Bree when she was unleashed, the others immediately moving in formation to defend him. They ran back to Jyn and their base, while Neera continued to lead the assault, drawing Warrin’s fire. They only retreated once Bree had been successfully kidnapped, the little girl apparently shrieking with giggles in Kris’ arms.

“Perfect run, guys! We only lost two!” Neera grinned, leaping gracefully over a table. Those who had been tapped out would be able to join the battle once more in a few minutes once the stun wore off. For now, their bodies lay splayed out in the middle of no man’s land.

(Jyn admittedly tried not to look at them too closely).

“They gotta be floundering! This is perfect!” Trina was cackling.

“Bree,” Kris had sat down on the floor with the little girl. “Bree, c’mon, you’re one of us now! What are the other team’s plans?”

But Bree just giggled.

“She’ll never talk!” Trina cried dramatically, aiming her blaster at her. “I say we finish her off!”

“OKAY, time out!” Jyn quickly intervened, stepping in. “No one gets stunned in cold blood – Trina, take a walk.”

“Jyyyyynnnn,” Trina grumbled, but listened at least.

“Trina’s right, though,” Neera pointed out. “Bree can’t tell us their plans, so we’re gonna have to go in blind.”

“They’ve gotta be planning a rescue, right?” Ann piped up.

“Exactly,” Neera pointed at her. “and unfortunately for us, they’ve got Kady on their team, so we know it’s gonna be a good one. We need to act fast –”

They were caught unawares. It seemed that Warrin’s rescue strategy was apparently ‘just storm and hope for the best’ because they all suddenly launched an attack with no warning. Jyn yelled at the team to respond, but they were a little slow, resulting in several of them leaping the boundary of no man’s land and infiltrating their base. Jessa leapt through the air with a cry, immediately tackling Kris to the floor. Arlo threw several bombs, causing some mini-explosions and Jyn’s ears to pop. The two teams immediately engaged in fierce combat, using a mix of blasters and hand-to-hand that Jyn mostly just observed. Rivi swept Lahrin’s legs out from under her, Jessa somehow managed to basically drop-kick Kris to the floor once more and suddenly …

Cassian skidded in from out of nowhere and scooped up Bree.

“Oh no, you don’t –” Jyn growled.

She didn’t want to risk hitting Bree, so she leapt at Cassian from behind. Arms in a choke hold around his neck, he was forced to let the toddler go as he attempted to fight her off. They struggled, Cassian breaking free of the hold and going for her side. Jyn dodged, slamming him with her shoulder.

“You’ll never win!”

“Damn, Jyn, you’re getting into this,” Cassian pointed out, their hands grappling.

“Like you aren’t,” Jyn said back.

When she managed to drop Cassian to the floor, her entire team cheered.

The battle was unfortunately taken out by Warrin’s team in the end; the objective had technically been to seize the foreign base, and they had successfully done so. However, since they’d lost Bree in the process it still felt like a victory for Jyn and her team. She hugged Neera tightly as everyone gasped and panted for breath, unslinging blasters and clapping friends on the back. Battle over, it was clear that they’d made a mess of the training gym, but they’d clean that up later.

Jyn hadn’t really been paying attention to the rest of the gym until this point, but now the tunnel vision was apparently wearing off. While most other recruits seemed to find their mock battle entertaining, even giving the kids high-fives and complimenting them on their strategy, Jyn noticed that there were a few training officers who still didn’t look impressed. One was rolling their eyes several mats over, while several others all exchanged equally dismissive looks.

She tried to brush it off, but it was something that she’d noticed had been happening with more and more frequency lately.

She and Cassian were just yelling at the kids to start the tidy-up, when a harried Major entered the training gym. He glanced around like he was looking for something. She didn’t know this one, but he apparently knew her as she saw the recognition in his face when they made eye contact and he began his way over.

“Sergeant Erso,” he said without preamble. “Major Harris.”

“How can I help you?” Jyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

He thrust a datapad in her direction. She got a brief glance at what appeared to be some kind of roster, before he said, “Since General Mavine’s troops are heading out, we’re suddenly down several shifts for guard tower duty. You’re scheduled for the midnight to 0800 shift, I need you to initial this to indicate you accept those times.”

Jyn stared at him in bewilderment.

“Yeah, ok,” she scoffed.

Apparently, Major Harris didn’t get sarcasm. “Great, initial here–” he started, pointing out, but Jyn snorted so loudly that he glanced up in confusion.

“Yeah, I think you’ve got me confused with someone who actually signed up for this shit.”

“Sergeant Erso, this isn’t optional,” Major Harris pointed out.

“I’m with these kids every damn day for seven hours straight,” Jyn gestured to the insanity behind her. “If you think I’m gonna spend an entire night sitting by myself in a tower watching nothing but snow swirling, only to then go and teach them without a break, then you are way kriffing dumber than you look. Piss off and tell whoever made this schedule they can suck my–”

“Jynnnn,” Haley was suddenly tugging at her pants leg. “What does ‘kriffing’ mean?”

Major Harris was left a little dumbstruck as Jyn shooed Haley away. “It’s a swear word, and you’re not allowed to say it. Go clean!”

“What was that about?” Cassian asked in undertone once Jyn had spun on her heel and simply walked away. “Major Harris looks like you’ve clubbed him over the head.”

“Can you believe I was put on the roster for guard tower duty?” Jyn said. “Bloody graveyard shift too, like I don’t have anything else to do after! There are hundreds of soldiers currently without assignment, do they think we’re just glorified babysitters or something?”

But Cassian scrunched up his nose.

“They do?” Jyn said in outrage.

Cassian sighed. They stood side by side, watching the kids chat loudly, pushing equipment back into its original spots, rolling mats back into place and sweeping up dust and occasional spot of rubble from the stun-bomb impacts. “Jyn, you and I know how important this job is.”

“But no one else does, is that what you’re saying?”

He stayed silent. That told her everything she needed to know.  

Could she be doing more?

Now that she knew, she started really listening. She’d always heard the rumours that followed her throughout Echo One, but she’d never actually paid them any mind until now. The Alliance had tried to get rid of her with this job, yet here she was, over two years later. Still here. She figured out what people were saying about her. She wasn’t a real soldier. She stayed behind, safe and alive on base, while others actually went out and fought. She was a babysitter who didn’t want to get her toes wet, was more than willing to let others fight and die for her while she did nothing. Where was the Jyn Erso who had fought to the bone on Scarif? It was such a shame that girl was gone …

Thankfully, a lot of the time, Jyn could ignore the whispers. Training the youth class had to be one of the toughest jobs she’d ever done. The few times she’d been forced to do other things or had been too sick to teach (or taken the occasional day off for her own sanity) she’d had to bribe other training officers to help for the day, and they always came back claiming never again.

(“For the last time! You can’t be mean to other training officers!” Jyn would yell at the kids every time.

They would just laugh and say that they were so glad she was back).

She knew that she was doing good. She knew that she was doing enough.

But it didn’t feel like it, and maybe that’s why she’d said yes to the mission.

It had come out of the blue, an officer from Intelligence hastily dropping by her classroom one day to ask for her help. Jyn had been all prepared to tell this one to piss off as well, but apparently, she fit the profile of another young rebel who was currently being held captured by the Empire. Her personal presence on the mission was being requested to be able to pull off a bait and switch.

She shouldn’t have said yes. It was unnecessarily dangerous, something that could go wrong in a thousand and one different ways, and the children needed her. But then she was shown a holoimage of the woman being held, was asked, “Don’t you want to do more for this rebellion?” and she had caved.

Cassian did not take the news very well.

“What the hell, Jyn?!” he shouted in her face. They were barely even a foot apart. “Why the HELL would you say yes?”

“There’s a woman who needs help, and I’m the only one who can help her!” Jyn refused to back down. Their room suddenly felt rather small around them, but maybe that was because there was nowhere to run here, nowhere to hide. In their room everything could come out, and Jyn couldn’t help it if Cassian didn’t like what he saw.

“The ONLY one, are you seriously the ONLY one who looks like this other soldier?” Cassian fumed. “Five foot three, dark hair, tendency to run headlong into stupid things?”

“How can you stand there and tell me that I shouldn’t do it?” Jyn said. “YOU, a former Rebel Intelligence officer, who has done more than his fair share of missions and running into danger? At the end of the day I’m a soldier, Cassian, and my duty is to fight the Empire. That’s what I’m doing! They asked me, I said yes, and even if you had a valid point, you can’t tell me what to do.”

Cassian groaned exasperatedly, scrubbing his face with his hands. “I’m not trying to tell you what to–”

“Sounds like you are–”

“You don’t seem to get it!” Cassian burst out. “You can’t just leave! What about the kids?”

“They have you, they’ll be fine for a few days without me.”

“Jyn–” He sounded strangled. “They’ll be fine for a few days, but they won’t be fine if you never come back.”

Jyn’s throat closed over a little, but she still managed to get out, “I’m going to come back.”  

“There’s no guarantee,” Cassian said. “there’s never any guarantee, we know that better than anyone. They’re going to use you as a decoy, there’s so many ways this could go wrong, for Force’s sake–” He cut himself off, running a hand through his hair. “Jyn, look I get it. People talk about us, make fun of us, they say that we don’t actually do anything for the rebellion, but don’t do this just to prove people wrong–”

“Maybe I am trying to prove people wrong!” Jyn yelled. “But what if it was you they’d asked to help, Cassian? Are you SERIOUSLY telling me that you wouldn’t have said yes as well?”

He didn’t answer. They were left in a ringing silence as it became clear that Cassian was realising this crucial point. She could see the strength physically drain out of him. Jyn moved the meagre space still left between them until her head could rest against his chest. She let her hands drift up lightly to rest at his hips. He was solid muscle against her, a man who knew all about what came next, and she could feel his fear coming off him in waves. He was terrified for her. She knew if it weren’t for the youth class, he would be insisting that he come as well, but he couldn’t, and he was scared as hell at the thought of her leaving.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I would have said yes as well.”

His arms came up around her and she sank further into his embrace. “I’ll be ok, Cassian. I’ll come home.”

“You better.”

He was a ball of tension ready to snap over the next few days, but at least he wasn’t yelling about it anymore.

Saying goodbye to the kids ended up being a lot harder than Jyn had expected. Many of them cried. Arlo clung to her and refused to let go. Aden had to peel the boy off her, and only then it was so several of the other children could get their hugs in. Jyn reminded each and every one of them what to keep working on while she was gone, and kept repeating that she would be back within a week. One might have thought she was walking into a suicide mission.

Maybe she was. She’d done it before.

By the time she managed to hug Ava for the last time and remind her to keep practicing her hand-to-hand, Cassian was the last one left. He held Bree in his arms, the girl having woken up from her nap due to all the cries from the other children. Jyn was barely keeping it together, but if she was going to survive and come back, she had to remember what it was like to be the old Jyn Erso, the girl who lived it rough. She took a deep breath.

“It’ll be ok,” she insisted, moving to rub Bree’s back. The girl leaned over with her arms and said her name several times, so Jyn let Cassian hand her over. They still didn’t really know what had happened to Bree, how she’d come to be found wandering lost by rebel soldiers and eventually brought to them, but there was no doubt that Jyn and Cassian were basically her parents now. She hugged the child tight to her chest, Bree squealing and patting her shoulders.

“You be good for Captain Andor, ok?” she told the girl.

“Good! Bree good.”

Jyn smiled, kissing Bree quickly on the forehead before looking back at Cassian. “Stop worrying,” she insisted.

“I’m not worrying.”

“You are, I know your every face,” She handed Bree back over. “I’ll see you when I get back, ok?”

While the class knew exactly of the nature of their relationship (sometimes a little too much), Jyn still hesitated to say goodbye. However Cassian didn’t, and she was well and truly kissed goodbye in front of dozens of squealing children.

But Cassian had nothing to fear. The mission was a success in every respect, the other young soldier rescued and Jyn able to do her part with minimal damage or injury. Apart from some bruises, she came out the other end totally fine and she almost half expected the entire youth class to be waiting in the hangar for her on the day she had managed to call through and say that they were returning.

“You got anyone waiting for you back on base?” Jyn asked the woman as something to fill the silence. The Intelligence officer that she had helped rescue had been sitting wrapped in a blanket, clearly shaken and staring stone-eyed at the wall of the ship’s hold ever since they'd gotten on board hours ago. Jyn had wanted to keep talking to Cassian (he’d sounded tense, she hoped everything was ok back on base), but found herself saying that she’d call back. She dropped down in the seat next to the woman whose name was apparently Cara (although whether it was a real name or not was anyone’s guess).

Cara clearly wasn’t expecting the words and she flinched. Jyn stayed still until she noticed her presence. “Oh,” Cara shivered slightly. “Sorry. I didn’t… I guess I don’t. You don’t tend to have many relationships when you work Intelligence.”

Jyn nodded. “I understand.” 

Cara watched her carefully. “Are you Intelligence, too?”

“No, but my partner used to be,” Jyn answered. “He left a while ago now.”

“Yeah, I’m considering leaving and all,” Cara muttered. “Tell me, is he happier? Was it worth it?”

Jyn considered for a moment. “It was the best decision he ever made.”

“Wait, hang on,” Cara shook her head. “Oh hell – I’ve just realised – you’re Sergeant Jyn Erso, aren’t you? Shit, I’ve been undercover over a year, I didn’t recognise you–”

“It’s fine,” Jyn said, quickly.

“So Andor left Intelligence in the end?” Cara said. “Good. From what I remember, he was burning out anyway.”

“How did you know Captain Andor was my partner?” Jyn asked with furrowed eyebrows.

To her surprise, Cara laughed. It was short and barking, but a laugh nonetheless and Jyn didn’t begrudge her for it. There was no telling what the woman had been through, after all. “We could all tell,” she said.

“Great,” Jyn muttered. “Please, never mention that to the kids.”

“You guys have kids now?” Cara asked in astonishment. “Shit, I missed all the good gossip – how many?”

“36,” Jyn said without thinking.

Cara’s eyes went wide.

“No – wait, they’re not technically ours,” she hastily found herself explaining. “We train the Youth Recruits class – sorry–”

“Oh, at least that makes more sense,” Cara waved her off.

They were silent for several moments then, Jyn not really knowing what else to say to the woman, or whether she even wanted Jyn to say something.

“Thank you,” Cara suddenly whispered.

Jyn just nodded at her. “You’re welcome.”

Upon disembarking amongst the other troops (Cara had hugged her for a very long time) Jyn realised that her prediction of the entire class turning up to greet her was apparently wrong. Only Cassian was waiting for her. He stood to one side near some supply crates, almost half hidden from the rest of the waiting flight crew. His voice had sounded off in their earlier call and it made sense upon seeing him now since Jyn could tell that apparently his entire body was off too. His teeth were clenched just slightly too tight, his skin just slightly too pale and while her stomach still gripped when she saw him, she immediately knew.

Something must have happened.

“Who are with the kids?” she said, coming down off the lamp practically at a run.

“One of the other training officers,” Cassian answered, Jyn immediately throwing herself into his arms, completely uncaring of who was watching. He hugged her back tightly, a hand stroking her hair, before he stepped back.

“What happened?” she asked flatly.

“The call came in about two days ago,” Cassian said in a forcibly even tone. “Jyn … it’s Malia.”

She was killed in the line of duty.

Time suddenly seemed to stop.

It was safe to say that Jyn had lost a lot of people. In the immediate aftermath of Scarif, she almost hadn’t known who to mourn first. Was she allowed to grieve for the parents that she had lost, even though she’d barely had time with them? She had thought of Bodhi, of the man who had gotten them in and would have gotten them out, had luck been on his side. She couldn’t forget Baze and Chirrut and thousands of other soldiers who were now dead, she even couldn’t get the kriffing droid out of her head. The deaths had fallen on her all at once, and she had handled it in the only way that she had known how: by soldiering through and joining the rebellion.

No more dying. No more lives ripped apart.

No more. No more. No, no –

“It’s not true,” Jyn heard the words coming from her, but they barely registered. She could only cling to fistfuls of Cassian’s shirt, anchoring herself to him. “No, she’s ok, she’s – she’s–”

Cassian just pressed his nose into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”

The first day or so, Jyn actually didn’t really remember.

She wasn’t quite sure what happened after the hangar. Who was handling the youth class, she had no idea. A part of her screamed get up, go see them, go do her job because it was the only way she knew how to remain functioning, but she had lost a child and her mind refused to see reason. Malia was her beacon of hope, a bright spark who had shown that the world would shine back at you if you lived hard enough. Malia had gotten her through the first rough weeks of taking over the youth class. Malia had told her which kid threw up when anxious and which liked hugs.

This was something she just couldn’t comprehend.

By the time she could drag herself out of bed and out of Cassian’s arms holding her in a tight vice, she had built up a stony resolution. She could handle this. She’d faced death before and she would do it again. Anything for the kids, she forced her muscles into a blank, generic ‘ok’ face and ploughed through. It was an age old self-preservation tactic, but it worked.

“Is there a report?” Jyn asked at one point.

“There’s… something,” Cassian had sent her the file straight away, but she learned what he meant by ‘something’ pretty damn quickly. Something meant one throwaway line right at the end of the section labelled ‘description of events’:

16 rebels were killed in the explosion.

She forced herself to take it with a kind of clinical detachment. At least it was fast. At least she went down fighting, a part of her mind tried to tell her, but she couldn’t quite handle that part yet, so she squashed it as she stood at the door adjoining their two classrooms. She angrily swiped at the field report, trying to get rid of it so quickly that she accidentally ended up deleting several folders of children’s work instead. She bit back a curse, pressing a hand down hard over her eyes.

The children had been told the moment Jyn had been able to set foot back in that classroom and the atmosphere had been subdued and desolate ever since. Vance and Rivi held hands. Some randomly burst into tears for no immediate reason. Some of the newer children hadn’t ever met Malia or really known her, and Bree and many of the younger ones didn’t quite understand or grasp the concept entirely. But they all picked up on the tension at least and as a result, everyone was still uneasy and on edge even weeks later. The ones who had known Malia the best – Aden, Tavisha and Jessa – Jyn had let go to the training gym by themselves, where she knew that they would probably be blasting the crap out of the paper targets.

“Jyn.”

He was always there. He had been there when she’d first denied it, when she’d finally cried, and was even still there in the morning, still holding her tightly like his grip might make everything better. She had barely spoken to him since she’d told her.

“I’m sorry the report doesn’t really make it better,” he said, quietly.

“It’s fine,” Jyn said shortly, taking a deep breath and shoving the datapad back into his hands. “Thanks for sending it anyway.”

For a moment, he looked at her helplessly. 

“Jyn,” he stressed.

“I’m ok,” she said.

“You’re not.”

No, nothing was ok right now. She sighed heavily.

“What do you want me to do, Cassian?”

“I want you to grieve,” Cassian said. “Jyn, you tell these kids every day that it’s ok to feel. Now I’m telling you. It’s ok.”

Jyn watched as Reno picked yet another fight with Azha. She needed to do something. She suddenly glanced up at the wall, at the empty space that she had been wondering about what to do with recently, and suddenly made a decision.

“Cassian, I’m going to need your help.”

Jyn knew that the first loss was going to be rough, no matter what. Malia was always going to sit somewhere in her heart, but she couldn’t kid herself that this was going to be the only casualty. Aden was 18 so soon, with Tavisha only a few weeks behind and so many more to follow them.

But Cassian was right. She had to let herself grieve. They all did.

The empty space on the wall became a way of dealing. Jyn didn’t have a lot of access to technical equipment, but she did have plenty of holographs stored on her datapad, and she pinned the image of Malia to the wall. Surrounding her, the children had written messages on the small notes she had handed out. Some had written long paragraphs about her. Others had written simple statements. A couple of the young ones drew pictures and Jyn made sure to read what was put there regularly. It became the way of dealing, the way of asking for help when it was difficult for these children, most of whom had already suffered so much loss.

The first person to come to her was Jessa.

Usually bossy and confident, Jyn had almost been sure that Jessa didn’t even know the meaning of the word ‘subtle’. However, the 17-year-old had pulled her to the side one day as they were all heading back after the gym, out of sight of most others. Jyn hadn’t even had a chance to ask her what it was before Jessa had flung herself into her arms. She broke, clinging around Jyn’s neck, and she didn’t even care that the teenager was all sweaty from training. Jyn hugged her back fiercely, running a hand through the girl’s hair.

“I miss her,” Jessa cried.

“I know,” Jyn muttered.

“I don’t want to do this, Jyn,” Jessa said through gasping sobs. “I don’t want to fight and die like Malia, I don’t want to be a solider–”

“You don’t have to be. I won’t make you.”

“The Alliance will!”

“Combat isn’t for everyone, even the Alliance knows that,” Jyn reminded her gently, tucking Jessa’s hair back behind her ears. “You are so intelligent, Jessa. You could make an amazing data analyst someday.”

“Data analyst? Everyone just makes fun of them,” Jessa sniffed, rubbing at her eyes.

“Everyone makes fun of me,” Jyn said. “I’m the rebellion’s babysitter. I don’t care.”

Jessa stayed quiet in Jyn’s arms for a time after that. Jyn held her tightly until eventually, Cassian had apparently noticed that she’d gone missing. She noticed him duck back into the training gym, glancing around and she raised a hand to catch his attention. He nodded in acknowledgement as she pointed out Jessa.

“I never even got to say goodbye to Malia,” Jessa muttered then.

It was true, a point that didn’t sit right with Jyn. Malia had been off-world for a decent amount of time until this point, a distant memory for some of the kids' one-track minds. She was sure that half of them didn't know whether they were even allowed to mourn her. But they all needed a chance to say goodbye and after wiping away Jessa’s tears and walking her back to class, Jyn started musing with Cassian about how they could try and correct it.

Eventually, they got a chance in the form of one Han Solo (of all people).

“It would be a massive favour,” she’d been quick to point out.

“Aw, I’ve owed you one ever since the kid pulled a fast one on ya,” Solo had just shrugged.

“Well, he asked for it,” Cassian murmured when later, Han Solo found himself piloting his ship off-world with 30-odd children on board as well.

The kids were beside themselves. Vance, the local expert on the Millennium Flacon, led a quite frankly amazing discussion about ship mechanics that made Jyn swell with pride. Bribing Mothma was one of Jyn’s favourite pastimes, though she was certain that this one was going to be one too many. However, Cassian had just insisted, “I’ll take care of it,” and within a couple of hours, they had permission to take the youth class out on an off-world excursion.

(“I don’t know what you did, but I am in awe,” Jyn had admitted.

Cassian had just tried not to smile in reply).

Their destination was honestly just a small uninhabited moon still within the Hoth System. The terrain was different, a rocky, mountainous tundra and Solo landed at the top of a cliff, of all places. When anxiety stabbed her at the image of 36 excited kids pouring out of the ship and running off screaming in all directions, Jyn had to remind herself that she couldn’t let Malia take away her ability to care for these children. She wanted to shelter them, hide them away from the Empire and the rebellion and the war, but there was a reality she had to face. They needed to remain curious and vigilant and focused and though she feared they may careen over the edge of the cliff, she bit her tongue. They needed a moment to just run.

She, Cassian and Solo stood together, watching as the class explored. After the initial excitement, groups started to form, Vance sticking near the ship and carrying on with his enthusiastic lessons. Lyle was collecting rocks in his pockets. Carina was giving Ann a piggy-back ride, pointing out the occasional stubbly tree or line of ants crawling over the terrain. Aden sat with Bree in the dirt, the two using their fingers to draw pictures. So much learning, so much growing …

Eventually, Cassian gathered the class together and they all sat near the edge of the cliff, facing the moon’s sun that was starting to set already after the short amount of time they’d been there. Jyn sat amongst them. It was strange that she’d gotten so used to facing these kids – literally and physically that is, she was always facing towards them as she taught or supervised or observed, never with her back turned – that sitting next to them felt unnatural. But they were all in the same place right now. They didn’t need Jyn to stand at the front of the class and tell them how they were feeling, they needed her to be one of them, all in it together.

So she wrapped her arms around Aden and Ava on either side of her and let Cassian talk.

“We haven’t really had a chance to say goodbye to Malia,” he said softly, breaking through the unnatural silence. She noticed that he sat amongst them as well, several of the little ones all attempting to curl up in his lap. “We thought this might be a good time to.”

Solo, she noticed, was hanging back awkwardly near his ship. However, after a couple of moments, the man suddenly started towards them. Jyn tried to catch his eye, tried to let him know that she understood, this was personal and it was perfectly fine for him to stand back if he was uncomfortable, but he just kept coming. It wasn’t until he had sat down on the dusty ground next to Vance when she realised why he’d come over. The teen had been gesturing for him frantically. He couldn’t say no.

“We’re in a war,” Cassian carried on. “A lot … a lot of people are going to tell you to stop feeling everything that you’re feeling right now. That emotions get you killed, that you need to hide them away, wipe them off your face, pretend you don’t feel anything. Become hard … become a soldier.”

He caught her eye from across the children.

“But those people are wrong,” he said. “Emotions are what make us human. It’s ok to have them. It’s ok to feel sad or angry or scared. I know it hurts. We all know …”

“But you need to take a moment,” Jyn told him. “Take a moment to cry or scream or punch something. Then you keep going.”

“Do we have to?” Aden muttered next to her.

“Yes,” she insisted, squeezing his shoulders tight. “always keep going.”

“So this is our moment,” Cassian added. “This is our moment for Malia. You can say something if you want to, you can cry or run or even scream as loud as you can. Just do it, and then we’ll go home.”

“Scream as loud as we can?” Jessa smiled through tears where she sat next to Tavisha. “You mean it?”

Cassian shrugged. “Go for it.”

Jessa laughed, before throwing her head back and screaming. It was high and piercing, which wasn’t surprising considering her tendency to shriek about anything, but it carried out over the cliff of the moon. It reverberated back towards them, a scream for a lost friend, a scream because she could.

It set off a chain reaction, Tavisha suddenly joining her. Aden bounded forward, wrapping his arms around both girls from behind so that he could yell with them and then before Jyn could blink, all of the kids were screaming. It was utter pandemonium, Trina stomping her feet and shouting, Reno throwing rocks off the cliff, and the little ones shrieking probably solely from of the sheer novelty of being allowed to, but it felt like music and Jyn hastily swiped at her face. Vance was tugging on Solo’s arm, yelling, “Come on! Come on!” and even the smuggler joined in.

Cassian found her amongst the chaos. He had Haley clinging to his pants leg and squealing with delight, but he reached her side as they watched their kids yell themselves hoarse.

“You want to?” he asked loudly over the noise.

“Take a moment,” Jyn nodded. “Take a moment, then keep going?”

He gave a small smile, before turning to the cliffs. With a deep breath, he suddenly bellowed out,

“MALIA!”

Jyn’s heart clenched. “MALIA!” she screamed.

And the children joined them. Shouts of “Malia! Malia! Malia!” echoed back, cries for their fallen sister, so loud that Jyn was almost sure that wherever she was now, Malia could surely hear it. 

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fanfic #rogue one #rogue one fanfic #dailyrebelcaptain #ro fanfic #ro #my fanfiction #a family can be #i"M SORRY OK?????????????????? #reblog my fic share the pain??

[getalittlecountry]

First Time Again (5)

Oh hey guys. Gonna try and post a new chapter every week. We’ll see how that goes.

One Two Three Four

Chapter 5

We spent the entire afternoon and well into the evening with Cassian’s family. His father showed me his power, he could control nature. He had a vine chase Rhys, who didn’t find it funny. And his step mom she could control the weather. She made it rain over Rhys, who again didn’t find it funny. It was entertaining, watching them use their abilities without a care in the world. It was crazy to think I would be one of them one day.

Cassian took it all in like a sponge. He looked at his step mom like she was someone he had met before. The entire time they talked about who they were and what this life was, he had his hand tucked between my thighs. As long as he was touching me he didn’t freak out about any of this. Which was good because I needed his reassurance too.

After we left his family, hugging everyone and promising to come back, Cassian took me home. True to his word he cooked the three of us one of the best meals we had ever had. Fresh fish and vegetables, he made everything by hand. The vegetables were from Elain’s garden, who had come back from the store and was there to greet us.

She remembered Cassian and gave him a big hug when he came walking in holding my hand. Her cheeks were sunburnt, but she was happy to be out in her garden again. Feyre’s painting was drying out in the sun and I knew this was the one we would hang up when she was gone. It was Elain in the garden, her hat covering her red hair as it flew behind her in the wind.

As Cassian cooked I watched my sisters interact with him. They didn’t think this was weird, they clearly didn’t think we were moving too fast. They laughed at his stupid jokes and I couldn’t help but watch as his shirt moved with his body whenever he reached for something. I couldn’t believe that he was mine and yet I barely knew him. It was strange and thrilling all at once.

Elain suggested a movie after dinner. I jumped at any excuse to keep Cassian with me and he didn’t try to leave. We curled up on the long couch together, with Elain and Feyre settled in on the love seat. Cassian put a blanket over me, my head on his chest. I fell asleep within the first half hour.

I woke up in my bed, feeling better than I had ever felt before. When I turned, I found Cassian beside me, his arms wrapped around me. No aches, no pain, no fears flooded my body. I understood then what his uncle meant by having the best sleep of my life with my mate by my side. I never wanted to sleep without him again.

He was still asleep, his face soft and almost looked like the little boy I remembered. The life he had lived, the people who had hurt him and hardened him weren’t there in his features as his eyes moved under the lids. I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, I wanted this moment to last for longer than five seconds.

Because in this moment I knew I was falling in love with  my best friend.

His eyes opened slowly. He smiled when he saw me. “Good morning,” he whispered softly as he caught me watching him sleep.

“I feel amazing,” I said softly, drawing a line across his cheek, “I’m never sleeping without you again.”

He laughed and pulled me closer, “well I don’t have any objections to that.”

I kissed him softly, flashes of our moment in the garage coming back to me. I could kiss him now whenever I wanted because I had finally given into that feeling. Cassian brushed his lips against mine, his hands tightening on my waist. I pulled away before my body begged for more. 
“Do my sisters know you spent the night?” I asked quietly, forgetting everything that had happened after the movie started.

Cassian’s laugh vibrated through his shirt, “who do you think carried you to bed? I also had to wake those two up and put them to bed. You all passed out within the second act of the movie. So I laid down with you and they didn’t know.”

I pushed myself up on my elbows, “my hero. Taking care of all three of his girls.”

He leaned up and kissed me, “someone has to.”

I sat up and stretched my arms high above my head, my shirt pulling slightly. Cassian’s eyes caught on the sliver of my stomach that showed and I smiled at his pink cheeks. I bit my lip, pulling my shirt back down.

“So I hear we have a date today,” I whispered softly, forcing his eyes back up to mine.

“Um yeah. Get dressed,” he pressed another kiss to my lips before standing up, “do you mind if I take a shower?”

I got up on my knees on my bed in front of him. I was practically the same height as him in that moment and I put my hands on his shoulders, “my house is your house too. You’re my mate, my Cassian. You can use the shower, you can walk through that front door without knocking.”

He smiled, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip before leaning in and kissing me sweetly, “thanks sweetheart. I’ll be right out. Wear something comfortable.”

He went to the bathroom as I walked to my closet and looked at my clothes. I settled on a light dress that I hadn’t worn in a while. I didn’t have to work today, I wanted to look sort of cute at least. So I pulled the dress on and then pulled my hair up into a messy bun. I pulled a few strands out and lets the curls flutter around my face. Then I put a little mascara on. Sure I was trying, but I was only trying because this was Cassian.

I knew he liked me even if I didn’t try.

My face still looked flushed without blush. I looked like a stranger, like a better version of myself. I smiled at my reflection and then the door opened and Cassian came back in. He was wearing the same pants, his shirt was in his hands. My eyes were wide, I had seen him shirtless before, but not at this age. My mouth watered. He looked even better than before his shower. His long hair was wet and it hung loose around his face. A few drops of water ran down his chest.

My eyes followed it, swirling around his tattoo. His chest moved with each breath he took and I couldn't help but notice him watching me check him out. I blushed, breaking my gaze as he pulled the black shirt back over his head.

He took a step forward, “don’t worry sweetheart,” he whispered softly, his fingers hooking under my chin, forcing me to look at him, “I check you out all the time too.”

I laughed, shaking my head, “so what do you have planned for us?”

“Well first, a picnic in one of our old favorite places.”

I clapped my hands together, “perfect because I’m starving. Lead the way boyfriend.”

He stopped, his eyes wide, “wait. Is this official then? I’m your boyfriend?”

“Well I mean. Everyone would puke if we called each other soul mates, or mates. So I’ll settle for boyfriend for the public, but behind closed doors. You’re just mine,” I grabbed his hand as he laughed, his lips brushing against the top of my head. 
“I’ll take it,” he answered sighing happily as he grabbed the basket sitting on the counter and then we made our way out towards his car. I took in a deep breath and I refused to let him go as he drove with his hand on my knee. I had my arm wrapped around his, just feeling our hearts beating together. It was perfect, me and him and nothing else. No supernaturals, no shadows, no curses. Just Nesta and Cassian together again.

I gasped as the field came into view, “oh my gosh Cassian,” the lake was right there, I hadn’t come here in so long. I shook my head feeling like a little girl again, “I haven’t been here since you left.”

He parked near the edge of the grass and looked at me, “good. It’s still our spot then. I thought you’d like this. You always loved coming here when we were younger.”

We both got out of the car at the same time and I took off running. He set the basket down and chased me towards the sand. I realized in that moment, as he ran after me, laughing loudly, before his arms wrapped around me, the lake water hitting my toes, that this was exactly like the vision that had crossed my mind when we touched. My first vision that came true.

Which mean one day I’d be wearing red and waiting for him at the end of an aisle.

“Yes,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my neck, “your visions will come true before mine. Because you saw things that will be happening earlier than mine. Because your body knew what your mind could handle.”

I spun around in his arms, “I like this vision,” I whispered softly as my feet got covered in sand. He smiled brightly as he kept staring down at me, “I like you, Cassian. A lot.”

“I like you too,” he whispered softly. Then my stomach growled, ruining our cute moment. I laughed, Cassian grabbing my waist, “you can just tell me you’re hungry, sweetheart. No need to growl.”

I giggled, but stopped him before he could pull us away from the water. I pulled my phone out of the pocket in my dress and held it up, “I want a picture,” I said softly as I held it out and snapped us in front of the water. When I flipped the phone around, Cassian was staring at me, not the phone. I smiled, automatically saving it.

He kissed my cheek, “let’s go get, pretty girl.”

Cassian ran back and grabbed the basket, setting up the blanket and then we settled in. He had an array of food and it took me less than five minutes to finish the first plate he had put together for me. As we ate we talked. I told him about Feyre and Tamlin in more detail than the other night. I told him about working at Rita’s and I told him about the failed date I went on with Tomas.

I told him how everyone thought Lucien abused Tomas’s mother, but clearly that wasn’t true. Since Lucien was never anything but nice to me. Cassian shrugged, sticking a grape in his mouth.

“My mom said Lucien had anger problems when they were younger. So those rumors are most likely true. He did get help though, so he’s a lot better now. Which I’m glad because if he even yelled at you I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

I smiled slightly, taking another bite of my sandwich, “I wouldn’t let Elain date Grayson either. He was heartbroken, but I think she was happy I stopped that. She never seemed to like him anyways, but he was a lot like Tomas. He liked to try and demand her attention.”

Cassian nodded, “Grayson is Tomas’s half brother, so I’m sure they’re a lot alike. I’m sorry he’s making this hard on us, we’re supposed to be having fun at this stage, at least that’s what my dad and Olivia told me yesterday at the gathering. We’re supposed to be having the time of our lives getting to know each other and falling for our mate. But Tomas is making that hard.”

“So is whatever this curse is,” I muttered as I finished my sandwich and then Cassian gave me some of the macaroni salad he brought. It was homemade, of course, because Cassian didn’t know how to buy anything from the store except for ingredients.

“Yeah well, we’ll figure that out. But today is about you and me.”

I smiled around my food as he started to tell me about his first set of foster brothers. They were rowdy and sounded terrible. They shoved his head into a toilet the first day he was there. He told me how the second house he had a foster sister and she reminded him of me and it was easier. But then the little brother starting terrorizing him and he moved on from that one within a month.

He moved so much I couldn’t believe he finished school. I couldn’t believe he learned to cook and to be this man who sat in front of me. He never had parents, he had taken care of himself. We were more alike than I realized as he spoke. I finished my third plate of food and refused more when he offered it after finishing his story.

"Can you be our only cook from now on?" I asked as I leaned against him, full and satisfied from the lunch he had packed up. He had made an amazing dinner last night and now our lunch had been a feast. I felt inadequate, I had never made a dinner for my sisters as nice as this lunch.

Cassian laughed, his fingers running through my hair, "I will make you dinner for the rest of our lives if you want."

I played with his hand, "I'm a terrible cook. Maybe you can teach me."

He leaned down and kissed me, "but if I teach you then what do I have to hold over you?"

I giggled, "I have a few things I can hold over you," I raised an eyebrow, his fingers running lightly up and down my thigh.

"Point taken."

He pressed his lips to mine. I couldn't get enough of him. Kissing him was like breathing in the purest air. Like finding myself after the longest night. My body was flying, my heart beat didn't stutter. I leaned up to take more of him in. I was drowning and he was the air I needed to breathe. The lifeboat that would finally save me.

But Cassian pulled away before I could wrap myself around him, "slow Nesta," he was out of breath, "if you keep doing that I'll break right here and take advantage of you in the middle of our field."

"And that would be a bad thing?"

Cassian blushed, his crooked smile was beautiful. I sighed, knowing he was right. I sat up as he turned towards the picnic basket and starting looking through it. My eyes went to the bracelet in his wrist and I couldn't help but smile. He was still wearing it. He still wanted a piece of me with him.

"Of course I do," he looked up at me stopping his movements.

"Sometimes I think whatever this is is going to break, or fade. Or one day you'll wake up and stop caring about me. Or you'll imprint with someone else, someone better than me. It scares me."

Cassian leaned in and kissed my nose, "it will never break. But if it did, if the bond was gone tomorrow, I would still feel this way for you. It only intensified my feelings, it didn't make them come to be. I promise you Nesta, you're it for me."

I touched his cheek, pressing my fingers against his warm skin, "you always know the perfect thing to say."

His eyes sparkled as he looked down at the basket and then back up at me.

"I like this. You and me. Nothing supernatural," I said happily against him, "tell me about your travels. Where have you been? What have you seen?”

He sighed. "I um. I went to Texas and California first. Made my way through Memphis and a few states that were flat and not worth seeing. I've been through a lot of places, just sort of looking for something. Something that's been here all along," he smiled down at me, his fingers brushing my neck.

"Did you miss me?"

"Every single day," he whispered softly, "you were the only friend I wanted. The only friend I needed. I cried when they wouldn't let me call you the first night I was there. They told me a clean break was what we both needed."

Tears filled my eyes, "I always had this dream that you'd come back to me. And here we are," I laughed slightly, "its crazy. To realize I've been waiting for you.”

“One day I’ll take you to all the places I’ve seen,” he whispered softly, kissing my temple.

Cassian got quiet then, my fingers running over the bracelet of mine he wore. He looked like he was working something out. What I wouldn't give to be able to read him the way he read me. I sighed as he offered me a small smile at that thought.

"Hey I left something in the car I'll be right back," he kissed my cheek and I watched him walk back the way we came. The field was exactly how I remembered it. But it was even better because Cassian was back here with me.

I hadn't come back here after he left. It was our field not mine and it felt wrong to come here when he had been taken away. Fifteen years in this small town and I avoided this field. I never walked too close, I never lingered for more than a minute. Because the memories of little Nesta and Cassian laughing their days away always hurt me the most.

It felt nice to be back. To be here and feel free.

I sat down, laying back on the blanket and soaking up the sun. I couldn't believe that Cassian was here, that this was finally our time to find each other. I never knew this was what I wanted, what I had been waiting for. It didn't matter that I had taken care of my sisters and never had a real boyfriend. Because I didn't want anyone but him. I had been waiting for my best friend.

A shadow crossed my vision. I opened my eyes, wincing at the sun that hit me when the shadow moved.

"Cass? You're back already?" I asked sitting up on the blanket. Something seemed off but I wasn't sure what.

He reached out and touched me, "I told you I'd be fast."

Before I could even look into his eyes his mouth covered mine. I gasped as he pushed me back, his hands going towards my dress. These weren't the kisses we had shared ever since yesterday. This wasn't the kiss we had just shared, hot and heavy. This was different. It wasn't soothing and full of the feelings it had been. It was cold and he scared me as he hovered over me.

"Cass," I tried to push on his chest but he wouldn't move. He was rock solid and I couldn't feel his intention. Something was off, maybe the imprint had faded. My heart was going crazy and he didn't seem to care.

His mouth moved to my neck, "mhmm Nesta."

"Cassian stop. Please just," I couldn't get air in. His hand pinched my thigh and I clenched them together. Tears were in my eyes and the world started to lost focus. Something was really wrong. My lungs burned.

"Nesta?" I heard his voice from far away. I opened my eyes and it wasn't Cassian kissing me. He was black as night, his skin was charred. His mouth was filled with teeth sharper than mine. I gasped as he touched me again. My skin burned even more as whatever this thing was smiled as me, his lips dripping with saliva.

I screamed. I pushed him away, a few scratches marked my skin. I jumped to my feet, my legs barely supporting me. My head was spinning as the thing laughed, Cassian caught me before I fell.

"What.. what is that?" I asked as he held me tightly against him. I felt myself relax slightly against him. But it wasn't the way it had felt lately, he wasn't calming me entirely.

"A shadow," he put me behind him as the disgusting black creature stood there watching us, "I should kill you for touching her."

"You wouldn't even know how little boy," his deep voice went right through me. My body felt cold, my stomach rolled as it looked at me. I started shaking.

"Cassian," I put my hand on his forearm and felt my stomach roll again, "something is wrong."

He felt it to. His body didn't heal me, I was hit all over and my hands shook. I felt like I was in withdrawal again, except he couldn't help me. I closed my eyes and the lunch we just had came back up. I turned away from him and got sick in the bushes.

"What did you do to her?" He growled the question as I fell to my knees. My hair stuck to my neck before Cassian pulled it back.

"Don't worry she'll survive," he shrugged and then started to fade, "this isn't the last you've seen of me. Oh precious ones."

The creature was gone and I couldn't find the strength to care. I closed my eyes, my body was shutting down. It's like I had been drinking for the last eight hours. The world was spinning, my body went from cold to hot and flushed within seconds. I thought I was going to be sick again.

"Nesta? Sweetheart can you hear me?" Cassian touched my shoulder and winced. I was burning a fever even I could feel it, "Nesta. Shit I have to get you home."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, "Cass. I have no home," I leaned against him, "you're my home."

He smiled before I stumbled into his arms, "I don't know what's wrong. I'm not healing you. I have to take you to uncle Luc's. Can you walk?"

I nodded. But I took one step and the world tilted and turned black. I shook my head, leaning on my mate, "just want to lay down."

"No sweetheart. Stay with me," he grabbed my legs and lifted me into his arms. He carried me against his chest towards the car. He didn't even come back for the stuff. He drove us right to his uncle's house, his hand touching me the entire time.

"Mmhm Cass." I leaned into him, feeling my body shutting down, "he tricked me. Thought he was you."

"I know, love. I know."

I giggled, "I like when you call me give me nicknames. Like sweetheart."

He laughed again, "I know sweetheart," the car stopped moving, "I'm going to carry you in now okay?"

"Don't leave," I whispered, my heart going crazy. I couldn't feel the imprint. I couldn't be sure how he actually felt for me. Did he really care as much without this supernatural pull holding us together?

"Nes. I will always care about you," he pushed my hair out of my face. He pressed his palm against my forehead and winced, "shit you're burning up.”

I shivered, “I’m cold, Cass.”

He ran around the car and unbuckled me. He lifted me out easily, God he was so good looking with those muscles. He laughed slightly and I didn't realize I might have said the words out loud. I laid my head on his chest and I felt him wince again. I was hot, I was sweating. I wasn't easy to carry I'm sure.

"Uncle Lucien!" Cassian yelled out for him once we got in the door.

"Cassian. Oh son," his voice sounded even further away as I felt the soft couch come in contact with my back. I moaned as he moved me, my body felt so fragile. I reached for Cassian before he could pull away, "what happened?"

"A shadow pretended to be me and kissed her. She threw up and she's burning. I don't know what's wrong but I can't heal her."

Cassian sounded distraught. If I were fully aware of myself I would've pulled him into me and kissed him. But I couldn't. I could only shake, I could only hope the feeling of wanting to puke again would pass. Still I found his hand and I laced my fingers through his.

"He poisoned her. How long were they touching?"

"She thought he was me. Maybe five minutes? I went to the car to get something and I came back and there was this black creature with her and I freaked."

Lucien sighed, "his skin is poison. If he touched her that long I'm not sure what will happen. She's strong but his poison is stronger. Stay with her, do not stop touching her. I'll get your father."

I wiggled slightly, my head searching for Cassian's lap. Once I was settled I winced, "Cass," I whispered his name, “I’m still cold. What’s happening to me?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart. But I’m here. I'm not going anywhere." He ran his fingers through my hair and hissed at the heat of my fever.

My body was shutting down. I felt like I wasn’t going to make it through the pain, my body was on fire. I couldn’t stop the words before they fell out of my mouth, "I love you."

I heard his intake of breath, a small gasp that escaped his throat. I couldn’t feel his heart, but I had a feeling it jumped inside his chest. My eyes were closed, I couldn’t see his face either. It didn’t matter though, the moment had come and gone. Because I didn’t get to hear his response, I couldn't hold on. I slipped into the darkness where the pain and poison couldn't follow.

#nesta #nesta acheron #nesta x cassian #cassian #nessian #nessian fanfiction #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acomaf #acomaf fanfiction #acowar #acowar fanfiction #au fanfiction #first time again

[supermortalavengers]

ToG & ACOTAR

1) Which of the ToG characters do you relate most to? Dorian Havilliard.

2) Which of the ACOTAR character do you relate most to? Rhysand.

3) Which character in either series do you think you would dislike the most in real life? Tamlin.

4) Which character wouldn’t like you in real life? Probably Tamlin.

5) Which character would you be best friends with in real life? Cassian, honestly.

6) Who’s your OTP from ACOTAR? Feysand. 100% no matter what. I can’t believe I ever shipped Feylin.

7) OTP from ToG? Doraelin (though Rowaelin is growing on me)

8) Did you ship Rowaelin from the moment he came into the picture? HELL NO.

9) How quickly did you stop shipping Chaolaena? Or do you still ship it? I stopped shipping it pretty quickly.

10) Which character do you ship yourself most with and why? Rhysand, because shit, man. Everyone that he’s around he BUILDS on, gives them the tools to make themselves better, he doesn’t MAKE them do it, he gives them the choice, and it honestly just… He is the person that I wish most people could act like because of that. I mean, he’s also beautiful. And sassy. And I need that in my life too, but mostly the other part.

11) Ships that annoy you and why? Feylin. Because Tamlin is an abusive little asshole and nobody will convince me otherwise.

12) Do you ship Amren and Varian or would you rather Amren remain alone? I don’t necessarily ship them, per say, but… They’re cute.

13) Any theories about where Amren came from and what her real form is? Fuck if I know.

14) How do you view Rhys’s actions UtM? Ah… When I first read the series, without having read the others, I really hated him for everything he did. But, after reading the other two books, and seeing where he was coming from, I’ve given him a little leeway. Yes, some of it was cruel and unnecessary, but… He was doing it to save Feyre, and in the end, save everyone from UtM.

15) Do you want Tamlin to die? Are you pro redemption arc? How do want his arc to end? In all honesty, I would never wish a bad thing on anyone, even a fictional character. So, I would prefer he didn’t die. I don’t think he should get a redemption arc though. He deserves a shitty ending, because he was/is abusive. He needs some God damn therapy.

16) Which villain out of both series do you hate the most? If I can count Tamlin as a villain, I really disliked him because of how he treated Feyre. And how Feyre didn’t see anything wrong with it until she was shown actual love and care. I also DESPISE Dorian’s father. He makes me want to slap a bitch.

17) Do you blame Elena? …Lemme get back to you.

18) Which villain do you want to slowly suffer and which one do you want a painful death for? Dorian’s father, even though he’s already dead… But whatever.

19) Tell me how you feel about Moriel, Elucien, and Nessian. Fuck, I think they’re adorable. Lucien really needed a good ending. He was put through so much shit, and he was stuck under Tamlin. He deserves a hug. Nessian… Just AH. I can’t describe it better than that. Moriel… Jesus Azriel needed a good ending too. Come to think of it, Mor needed it too. Both lived through hellacious beginnings… So… I think they’re all well deserved relationships.

20) Thoughts on “nameless is my price?” Gotta reread the series. So badly. I’ve forgotten so much. My only clear memory is that I love Dorian with all of my heart.

21) How do you think ToG will end? …With all my babies happy?

22) Do you prefer the Celaena story arc or the Aelin arc? Or do you find that the difference between the two is simply character growth? I think that it’s just character growth, though I do miss Doraelin.

23) Long haired Rowan or short haired Rowan? *shrugs* Don’t particularly care. I’m just starting to care about Rowan in the first place lmao

24) Which character would you most like to hook up with? Cassian. Would definitely be a good time.

25) Which character would you most like to fall in love with? Rhysand. I don’t think I need an explanation for that. And maybe Lucien… For some of the same reasons as Rhys, but also because Lucien has those fast comebacks and snippiness, and I need that in my life.

26) How would you feel if Sam were resurrected in ToG7? …I… Just… Don’t know. I feel that would make things problematic?

27) How do you feel about Elorcan at the moment? Do you forgive him and think Elide should? Or are you angry with him? …Lemme read the books more. I honestly skipped a lot because I was unhappy with Rowan. I need to reread the entire series. So…

28) Thoughts on Fenrys and Connall? As said in 27: I gotta reread the series.

29) What do you think the importance of “princess of carrion” and all the other stuff the book says to Feyre is? …Fuck, I’ve read these books enough times, but I’m drawing a blank to this.

30) Do you think any major characters will die in ACOWAR? Who? …Considering I read the book… I mean, I was so terrified near the ending about Rhys… But I’M OKAY RIGHT NOW.

31) Did you ship Feylin in ACOTAR or were you always side-eyeing it suspiciously? …I fucking shipped it, head over heels. Oh, how I regret that.

32) How do you think Feyre will handle being in the Spring Court again? Like a God damn boss, because she’s grown a lot.

33) Head canons for your OTP! I just… Mhmm

34) Name a ship you hope ends like the Titanic… …That one of them dies? Tamlin?

35) What do you think Feyre’s father is up to? Some stuff.

36) Do you forgive Nesta and Elain for how they treated Feyre? …Mmm.

37) Favorite morally grey character. Is Chaol morally grey? I feel like he is. Just a little bit.

38) Favorite villain. Mm… None particularly. A lot of them are just… Not to my liking.

39) Favorite god from ToG …Lemme get back to you on that.

40) What theories do you have about the Bone Carver? Fuck me running.

41) Any theories about the cauldron? That it’s a God damn mess.

42) Favorite funny moment from ToG Anything that was relatively funny between Dorian and Aelin.

43) Who is funniest character? …only one? UHM. Rhysand. Really. He just… He always makes me laugh.

44) Where is Nox??? On the God damn moon, probly.

45) Are you down for Rowaelin/Feysand babies in the epilogues or would you want them to wait? Oh, HELL YEAH. BRING ME ALLLLL THE BABIES.

46) What is the King of Adarlan’s name? “Piece of Shit”?

47) Do you have any f/f or m/m ships? Hm... None that stand out to me in ACOTAR? But, I really need to reread ToG though, so that could change.

48) Any part of the plot in either series that you would change? Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of Aelin jumping around from guy to guy in the beginning of ToG. I understand that a lot of people do that, but to me, it just created a lot of unnecessary drama. And I really do hate drama.

49) How do you think the lock will be forged? Carefully.

50) Who is a better male lead? Rhysand or Rowan?  RHYSAND FOR THE GOD DAMN WIN.

#ToG #ACOTAR #Questions #Ahh #I really need to read #Someone make me read #Someone give me a good reason to read because right now I just... Meh #Don't feel like it #I want to #but once I start reading I'm just like meh...