#yeah this part fucking broke me

[theshadowrealmitself]

*really late at night/early morning*

Brain: Hey, I know you’re exhausted, but for the first time in forever I’m gonna make you feel inspired to write a story, I’m also gonna give you a really good outline of how the story goes and how it ends, which you usually have trouble with

Me: But-

Brain: Oh I know, you’re not gonna be able to do it tonight, you’re also gonna lose that motivation to do it when you wake up, this is just to fuck with you rn while you try to sleep :3c

#im. im fucking obsessed with every part of this plot bunny #please please PLEASE let me keep motivation to work on it when I wake up #I already wrote down the outline so I don’t forget it #*please* #ugh only problem with writing stuff I intend to post on ao3 is that I’ve also put in my other side account on one of my stories #and I hardly use that side account because one of my exes started stalking it after we broke up #he wasn’t even following me while we were dating!! #he waited till after I broke up with him to follow me!! #and then after I blocked him he still kept interacting with my blog!!! #tumblr make a better fucking blocking system. #yeah so I’m worried about him potentially knowing my ao3 account #and I really hope he doesn’t follow this account #@ eric if you’re *still* looking at my stuff just know that you’re a mega creep and I hate you. #seriously dude. #haven’t deleted that side account or my ao3 cause I’m still attached to them #but yeah it sucks posting to either of them knowing that there’s a CREEP who WONT RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES looking at them #god I hate him #no fandom

[crossbackpoke-check]

a junkyard dog ain't always pretty but you always love that toothless smile

#i miss tyler bertuzzi #liv in the replies #the absolute way i just got bodied by shake it out coming on as i uploaded the pictures to this post #um. sorry not sorry. the google doc/pdf of the quote that i used for this was literally titled #god fuckin curse the notesapp i wrote two years ago #directly referencing the note i have (pretty sure from when the maple leafs seemed really serious about wanting bert) & i remember #being slammed out of NOWHERE by the sudden thought (because i've been preparing for years for bert to leave) (andreas in feb moe in april) #verbatim: if tyler bertuzzi ever gets traded or retires it's catalog of unabashed gratitude the heart part and i will sob #S T O P #tyler bertuzzi #detroit ride or die #this does actually rival we don't have a future we have a dog for some of these for me which. fuck u past me for being so right about this #things that i need you to know for the narrative: oh dumbstruck is tyler's first nhl game (vs the flyers) #thank you every day is from tyler's hat trick & yes the bruins on knucklehead is intentional because it hurt my feelings #also should note. i'm sorry is from when tyler broke his hand this season & no i'm not okay about the narrative of who is he w/o his hands #yeah yeah yeah. the last five make me want to throw up screaming crying shaking wailing #i made it so much worse by looking at dyl's post #dylan larkin #anthony mantha #andreas athanasiou #catalogue of unabashed gratitude [abridged] - ross gay #my sincerest apologies to fabs i simply could not put him in here he was in we don't have a future we have a dog that was all i could take #should i have abridged the last one to say 'for every day'? yeah probably. did i think of that too late? also probably. wait hang on #ooooookay so i did it so now that tag doesn't make sense but it's fine i also have an alt for dumbstruckand pelican heart :))))))) #what i wish i could've made for u but the pictures don't exist is tyler running down the drive barefoot on the phone the day he got drafted #do you really believe in him? is he a good kid? no problems? you're gonna love him. you're gonna love him. #i'm also fully not even gonna talk to y'all about vrana. i can't do that red string tonight. we're also ignoring sunny #STEVE WHAT FUCKING TEAM ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO PLAY WITH #yes i made this exclusively for me no i don’t care yes i am a lil sorry i love him u’ve heard it all before. dilly i’m kissing ur forehead

[thenightisland]

sometimes i think about the fact that fitz has so much happening in his life at the time and he still stops and painstakingly paints the white wings on the piebald crow black so that the other crows will stop being mean to her, just a kindness for kindness’ sake, one Different Creature to another, and then i feel maybe humanity is salvageable, actually 

#karen liveblogs books #robin hobb #me talking about people: yeah they're nice but would they paint crow wings #been thinking about this fucking crow for WEEKS #also just reread the part in AA where fitz says in his narration #that he actively realized he was different from everyone else #and it broke my heart a little

[lonelydncers]

.

#cant sleep bc im thinking so many thoughts #hiding in the tags #i think im finally over her? #like today and the last time we hung out i didnt Feel it anymore #and its not like i dont love her anymore i really really do but now its in a best friend way only i think? #the Feeling wasnt there which i guess its a good thing #and like yeah maybe its the depression maybe im just not feeling anything rn but also like #thats why she broke up with me and even when her depression got better she never got back to Feeling it? #and last time My depression was bad i wouldnt feel anything at all except when we hung out #so it feels different now #not necessarily a bad different just Different #but im so fucking scared of losing her #like im so scared of when she starts dating again #and yes ive been thinking of dating again im desperate for a girlfriend #but shes the one who broke up with me and shes had to deal with this before with Him and she didnt feel bad #but when we started dating He felt bad so like. i get him #and im so scared of never getting into a relationship again bc she’ll Always have a part of my heart like even if i dont Feel it anymore #she’ll always be number one for me #and im scared ill never let myself love anyone else bc i wouldnt think its fair to them bc of her #and idk. #i really dont wanna lose her she means so much to me #and im so comfortable around her in a way that im not with anyone else #idk where im going with this #sometimes i really fucking hate being aroace #and not being able to tell the difference between different feelings #:( #whatever

[bylertruther]

people will see a character that was created to be a certain way from the very beginning before everything was even set in stone, then actually written that same way even before The Plot happens in the final product, watch their core personality remain constant all throughout a show's lifespan from beginning to end, and even watch it be highlighted as a Good and True thing to be proud of and that is inspiring to others and sorely needed and not something to ever change or belittle in one of the most emotional scenes of a season that doubles as a high point & character defining moment, and instead of thinking Hm Maybe This Character Just Is This Way And We're Being Told That They Should Love Themselves For It The Same Way Everyone Else Does And How They Once Did Too Before Their Insecurity Got The Best Of Them And Told Them They Should Change, they will instead call it repression and not his true self and something to be changed even though it literally just is who he is. and all of this happens in the show where we are repeatedly hit over the head with the "you should stay true to yourself and love yourself no matter what other people think or tell you you should be". where the motto is literally "never change" nd conformity is killing the kids. like. Okay ❤️

#i'm sorry lmao but. if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck and it's done that for four seasons and was described #like that in the st bible and was TOLDDDD ON SCREENNNNNN that the way they are is a good thing and that their insecurities #aren't telling them the truth abt themselves and that they should just be themselves instead #of something or someone they're not......... then yeah i'm sorry but i think it's a fucking duck. LMAO #im allowed one evil post every three months. #mike is the way that he is and he's always been that way and he's always been described that way. his core personality consists. #he conforms when it comes to his romantic life and how that then affects his relationships. he thought he needed to give up #gaming with his friends and instead get a girlfriend bc one day he'll have to marry her and settle down leaving everything #he once had behind. the conformity doesn't lie in his personality it lies in his actions via what he thinks his future holds. #and even then... he fucking dropped that LMAO now it's just the other part of tht bc he went back to his other interests #and he's still the same old mike that he's always been #if it ain't broke....... #like. like and wish for whatever u want but sometimes certain claims are made about the Text tht i believe are just not substantial or #supported by any of the materials we've ever seen. n thts jus wht i think ! #im on mobile im not rereading this <3 the mind flayer made me write alla dat im free now im Clean

[trans-xianxian]

also found out today that my besties ex KISSED SOMEONE ELSE like a Year before they broke up and she just forgot to tell me?? girl I woulda told her to kill him

#she seems much happier since they broke up but. I don't think she's ready for me to say that to her face yet 😭 #she mentioned it casually as part of another story and I was like HUH #and she was like oh I didn't tell you?? GIRL WHAT #then she was like I probably should have ended it right then #like yeah girl and if you had told me you would have! the fuck! #maybe she put off telling me because she knew I'd want his Head on a Pike. and then she just forgot 😭 #apparently her mom was super whatever abt it.... #I have words aout her mother as well. but I hold my tongue for her sake I suppose #anyway they should let me kill people #at the very least maim them a little bit #ghost posts #text

[lover-of-mine]

.

#thinking about the time he texted me at like 2 am after not talking to me for 2 years #to tell me his current gf had broke up with him over something i made for him legit 8 years prior #like honey what did you expect me to do about it?? #get a time machine and stop myself from giving it to you in the first place? #trust me i would if i could #and like why is my fault she was going through your stuff?? #and did you have it out to begin with?? #8 years. why was it within reach?? #the most ridiculous part of it all is that the text right above it was a fuck you #i was like #dude????? #yeah #thoughts thoughts thoughts

[magentagalaxies]

.

#feeling sad over a relationship that's over (and never really started officially) sucks #like ok we're drifting apart and a few months back you were my favorite person in the world #but also fuck you bc you took that for granted and i deserve better. but if you didn't do that you'd be perfect for me and maybe you are #like it just feels so cliche and melodramatic and insignificant. especially when everything else is so great #my career is thriving and my mentors are incredible and my self confidence is the best it's been in years (possibly ever) #i should be reading the original goddamn brain candy script that i somehow now own #not being angsty about some queer college student that broke my heart ffs. priorities #but yeah i guess part of being human is being sad over dumb shit sometimes and venting on tumblr over it #i'm gonna go to sleep goodnight mutuals who read my vent posts to make sure i'm ok i love you

[chelleisamazing]

I decided to read RW&RB after watching the movie and loving it so much, because I just knew the book would be better and honestly, when I finished it I was in shambless.

#As a hopeless romantic- I love this stuff but also it destroys me #i know it's fiction but.. sigh.. knowing I will never get to experience a love like that breaks me #and lately- after some stuff that's happened this year- I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach #makes me sick to think about the whole love/finding a partner in this life aspect of things #because nobody wants to love anymore #and I've realized I want to and im willing to put my all into the right person #but nobody wants to be right nowadays #it's all so superficial #whew! i know this is deep. honestly Im kinda depressed and idk what to do with myself lol #dont get me wrong though I did LOVE the book ♡ #I was full on sobbing in several parts towards the end of it #dont know if it was for the characters or for my deep rooted desire for something like that... #im so tired and the day hasnt even started #but ive been tired of everything for months tbh... #maybe im being overly melancholic but that's just how I feel rn #might still be re-reading the book either way #yeah it broke me but it was also really fun to read #specially the emails- fuck ♡ #stuff #firstprince

[un-pearable]

incredibly ironic to me that i spent all of high school putting all my stats into math and science bc ~women in stem~ but i’ve never been happier than now when i get to study arguably the most human of the humanities (anthropology) and i’m cranking out multiple thousands of words a day of bullshit analysis, having the time of my life AND not having to attend 8am calc classes. triple win (does not have to think about physics).

#sorry high school engineering program. fuck physics. it’s fascinating but it broke me #in physics you have to ignore 99% of how the world works in order to do any productive math. in anthropology i’m SUPPOSED to take every #little bit of context and squeeze out as much meaning as i can. and then ask my friend about it and what *they* thought it meant. + repeat. #it’s delightful. i am having so much fun and holy SHIT do i write a lot #sry this is mostly bc i finally moved my discussion posts to a seperate doc and realized i’ve written over 10k words just in the first four #weeks of the semester without even realizing. hell yeah. #love doing hw that i actually feel good about finishing #sry i dragged myself all the way through ap calc bc for the sake of ~women in stem~ let me have this. #disregarding my complex relationship to my gender rn it really defined a ton of my school experience and it’s a big relief to feel justified #in letting it go #fuck yeah. it’s jay shills for anthropology night #text✨ #anth n arch #also like. a big part of why i like it so much is bc it’s exactly what fandom does. fandom deserves to realize that a lot of what it does is #anthropological and i think a lot of this site could benefit from recognizing how that’s both a good and bad thing

[pixesemma]

I dreamt of my former best friend today and woke up crying. She froze me out of her life 2 years ago and I still don't understand why. I can take emotional distance from anything else yet this creeps up on me once in a while to ruin my day.

#idk man I'm just feeling sad and lonely #like i didn't even do anything like wallowing while awake this time i just woke up with my brain being like #Yeah wasn't it nice when you still hung out with someone you basically wanted to platonically marry? Sucks that doesn't happen anymore huh. #Like Yeah does is actually? fuck you too? #i mean there's still our other friend who's been studying abroad for a few years. she should be back for good this summer #but her family moved across the country in the main time so she's not even near me #and it was always the three of us against the world. it feels like something broke there with her too. that's unfair to her ik #but i used to base part of my mental health on the solid base knowledge that my friends loved me and that pillar crumbled under my feet #like i think she loves me. but do i know? i thought so but apparently sometimes people you love *do* just get tired of you and leave #like huh who knew. seems my social distrust was right all along! #like there's no trust there anymore and i can't mister up the same strong feelings even if she *literally didn't do anything* #it's genuinely not her fault and I'd never tell her that either #it's just... every time i think about this for a moment i understand how people must feel when their partner of a decade cheats on them #it just fundamentally changes your ability to depend on other people and it isn't fair to anyone involved

[thatone-highlighter]

who do YOU think killed grime? I just reread dearest friends and was spinning this question around in my mind the whole time, so I wanna see what you think

okay so im gonna be 100% honest with you. i have only actually read Dearest Friends the one time when it originally came out. ive started reading it since but i dont think i even made it half way.

but either way, i have no idea who i think it is, of the two options both of them have Great support for why it could be them and any time i try to decide on one i think it is i immediately become extra sure its the other one instead and end up back at square one

Beatrix has a few good pointers, the main one for me being the fact shes so laid back about being out of the sleep contest which makes me think she was up to something. its only one main thing but it feels Very Big to me

but then you have for Bufo a few, mostly consentrated right at the end. the fact that Grime laughs at who it is, the fact that when they ask if they'll be blamed Barrel says they have a scapegoat, which could be Beatrix based on the fight they have earlier on that would make a Great excuse. and-

wait. ive been using the scapegoat thing as justification in my head for Months but writing it out now that doesnt make any sense, for that to work shed have to have made a public show of having an issue with Grime, not Barrel, uh disregard that point for me. thanks

the hesitation also i think could go either way, either bufo being just a little bit of a coward or Beatrix not actually wanting Grime dead. kind of leaning more towards that being a point to Bufo tho.

okay now after writing it all out i think i am leaning a little more towards Beatrix, but theres this nagging little voice in my head also saying it cant be her

#i went and read the death scene for this ask and FUCKING HELL #i forgot it was Like That yeah no wonder u broke down crying after reading it Mal i Do Not Blame You #i was Not fully there by the time we got to that part my sibling was talking to me and i was getting ready and checking the time Geez #yeah uhm apparently im stupid ive literally had that argument for MONTHS #since the chap came OUT thats been one of my points and its almost been 6 months #wow its almost been 6 months how the time flies when u have a murder mystery on your hands #Tree Man Posts #asks #wjh #Grime #cmto

[succubus-nblm]

I found out that apparently my bf has been rejected for his crooked/chipped teeth multiple times and when he was telling me this I was legit like getting Mad. Like idk, he's literally so hot and the nicest fucking person I've ever met in my life and the fact that he had been rejected so many times that he was terrified to show me a pic of him smiling with his mouth open when we met (on a dating app) makes my blood boil. I will tell him at LEAST 10x a day that I love his smile and it's the cutest fucking smile I've ever seen for the rest of our lives. He now sends me pics of him smiling and I max out the reactions on discord from sending every single heart reaction. Fuck people who judge people based on TEETH like that's the dumbest shit. Grrrrr grrrr bite kill grrrr

#nblm #mlm #queer #gay #love #lovecore #relationship #if you have crooked/chipped teeth do not worry about it #like people like me exist not everyone is an asshole #love yourself the way you are #i literally love my bf so fucking much and even though his front tooth is broken in half his smile is the cutest fucking thing ive ever see #seen in my life #and like part of me is kinda sad he'll need to fix it cause like yeah it can cause problems with the root later on #but idk its cute it adds to his uniqueness hes so special #same with the fact his nose is crooked cause he broke it once like its so cute i kiss his nose constantly #anyways if youre gay and worried no one will love you with your so called flaws #someone like me is out there waiting to worship your “flaws” and they will fucking adore you #because i can tell you i fucking adore my boyfriend i will just stare at my pics of him with his cute fucking smile and face #and like look at them right before bed so i can really just take in his face before i sleep #okay rant over its like 4am i just fucking love this guy so much

[queer-crusader]

Man I've run right out of spoons. Fucking despise shopping. Never again. Goodbye free time for the next 2 weeks now apart from MAYBE the coming weekend, wish me luck lads

#tuesday is gonna be my one comfort day bc i get to commit minor arson and put it out AND i'll be home on time #the arson is paid by work too!! it's part of the safety training i chose to do which has been a fucking BLAST #but yeah after that the best i get is the weekend bc i get to go home to scotland for 3 days #except it's for a wedding near Perth so a) not in Edinburgh and b) idk what my schedule will be or if i get chill downtime or what #man i do love referring to scotland as home tho 🥺 saying im going home just now was like giving myself a wee hug #like i need to do that regularly. reaffirm. how do i feel about Edinburgh? yup - still home ❤️ #genuinely (okay mini tangent here) the first time i returned after being forced to leave everything behind? i was so frightened #i feared i would resent the country for forcing me out. that i would only ever feel bitter again as i wandered its streets and landscapes #except the second i left haymarket station and saw the familiar streets i broke down sobbing #it was still familiar. it was still home. #i felt so fucking much in that moment #scotland has always been a choice. going there. staying there. wanting to build my future there #i had to consciously make that decision every year. even more so when brexit hit #i had to start figuring out what i wanted to do with passports. with residence status. with my future and identity #brexit and politics made me think and choose over and over again. i had to fight to validate my feelings to myself. i battled panic attacks #so yeah. going home to scotland #im still choosing. im still affirming. im still feeling #anne speaks #i really went off topic lmao but ah well fuck it #anyway no spoons left im gonna collapse a bit and maybe do some archaeology in elder scrolls. dig up wee artifacts. vibe

[birdmenmanga]

ok. going 2 finish drawing that fucking backed ground if it kills me. and then shower. and then finish doing surgery on the birdclub picture

#just thinking thoughts... #GOD. I'M SO CLOSE AUGHRGHGH #today I went to see a cram school for digital art and stuff. and I looked through their samples for the manga course #and like I know this. I know it's for people who have no foundations. #But I couldn't help but look at the instructor work and go 'I could do better than this :/' #and part of it was because all the backgrounds had no love!!!! do you even care!!!!!!!!! #biting and killing. well I care. #like I get it it's good to hit the bricks and idk what kind of timescale you're working on #breaking stasis had the most shitass backgrounds too (I SAY BUT SOME OF THEM STILL FUCK...) #and that was because I had to go fast. I don't know what i'm saying. I care a lot about backgrounds even though I hate actulaly drawing them #sorry everyone that I am seething and frothing about something I actually love a lot all the time. #like I feel like that one celeste speedrunner who finally broke a record and went GOD i HATE this fucking game #and people were like :/// you have such a shitty attitude #like ok. but I am also here and excelling. let me seethe and froth please. #bublro or whoever. god. I can't remember his fucking name #BUHBAI LOL #yeah. sorry. if I get too out of line you guys can say something I promise I wont get mad.