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enhas-bestie · 2 years

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uni love [24]

a/n :sorry for the late and shitty update. I was busy streaming the b-c mv,, and then some irl things came up that I had to sort out :)

chapter twenty four: THE HEART WAS PLATONIC

~°~°~°~

at ten in the morning, you’re officially ready to go to the local mini-mall to pick up the items on your shopping list. conveniently, yeji had a morning class, so you were able to pretend to be sleeping while she got ready and left. you hated what your relationship with her had turned into, because normally the two of you were on such good terms, but her sudden crush on heeseung made you feel awkward around her knowing that she liked him too. and that he liked her back.

as childish as it was, you kept dodging her ever since she sent you that message a few days ago. you would help them get together. that was the original deal you made with heeseung in the first place--so it wouldn’t make sense that you wouldn’t help them....but it was just that your sudden onslaught of emotions were starting to make you waver.

the walk to the store feels longer than usual as you mindlessly think about the how much your life has been turned upside down. when you finally reach your destination, you enter the store and grab a basket, focusing on the grocery list you had typed out earlier this morning in the notes app on your phone. you grab the occasional item on your list, browsing the shelves as you leisurely take a stroll. the momentary peace in your life is shaken as you round the corner to the next isle; bumping into somebody as you do so.

“im so sorry--oh?” you look at the tall boy in front of you in, shock running running through your veins as you register the familiar brown eyes of your TA, friend, and crush (yes, you'd admit it now) , “heeseung...hi.”

heeseung’s eyes widen at the sight of your face, but nonetheless, he greets you with a gentle smile, “hey yn.”

"crazy seeing you here," you say conversationally over the sound of you heart thundering in your ears, " I always come here but I've never seen you around before."

"really?" with a bewildered expression on his face, heeseung's reaches out, and with a gentle grip on your shoulder guides you to spin you around until you’re facing an empty isle, "i always come here." your heart accelerates as he pushes you forward until you're walking on your own, and then he moves next to you, matching your step.

"maybe you've just never seen me around before."

the scoff you let out is involuntary, and you look away from questioning gaze, "yeahh, I don't think so," you say honestly, "i already told you you're handsome at the coffee shop, remember? If I saw you here before I would've remembered."

now that you say it out loud, you feel embarrassed. how could you have been so direct about it back then, and yet now you found yourself a blushing mess even thinking about the words that had left your lips so easily almost two months ago?

heeseung's cheeks redden as he looks away from you, choosing to face forward, "i would have remembered you too." he says quietly, and then stops to grab something off of the self.

he would have remembered me too? you grip the handle of your basket tighter as you try not to dwell on the implications of his words and instead look down at your phone, checking what the next item on your list was.

"where to next?" heeseung asks, looking at you expectantly and you can't help but feel a bit flustered. why did that feel so domestic?

you shake your head to get rid of your distracting thoughts and peer down at your phone, "ummm rice," you follow heeseung's lead as he navigates through the isle, "i actually wanted ramen but it was sold out. can you believe it?" you sulk as you think about your hand grasping an empty shelf of nothingness, where you ramen was supposed to be, "it's like 11 am and when I asked for help they told me they had just restocked , how is it sold out??"

besides you, heeseung let's out a nervous laugh and you watch as he shifts his basket to his left hand, out of your eye view. but your eyes have already locked onto the mountainous stack of red packets piled in his basket.

"it was you."

"there were only twelve packets left when I got here okay!"

"so you took them all?" you ask incredulously, ignoring the stares of the other patrons in the store. you narrow your eyes, "give me one--no, give me six."

heeseung scoffs at you, his brain working on overtime to comprehend the absolute monstrosity coming out of your mouth, "what? no."

"but you have twelve."

"and I'll still have twelve when we leave this store!"

~°~°~°~°~

heeseung thinks that shopping with you brings him way more joy than it should.

for starters, you have a little list on your phone that you check continuously as the two of you browse the isles together, and for some reason, he thinks is endearing. whenever you put something you wanted in the shopping cart the two of you have decided to share (your baskets were almost full anyway), you cross it out with the biggest self-satisfied smile on your face, and he doesn’t know why he feels his heart beat just a little faster when he sees it.

he had bought everything he needed, and was at this point just following you around with a shopping cart. he had no reason to still be walking side by side with you, other than the fact that he wanted to. he wanted to watch you speak animatedly about the various things on your list, and why you need them. he wanted to catch you sneakily putting things in the cart that was not on your list, and he wanted to see that caught-off guard look that you’ve seemed to be wearing a lot recently transform into a half-hearted glare as you launched into a rant about “well i’m gonna need it some time.”

heeseung wants to be around you--and though his brain tells him that he's just trying to compensate for the future where he'll no longer have an excuse to hang out with you,, his heart tells him something different.

~°~°~°~°~

prev -> chapter twenty four -> next

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synopsis : you have high hopes for your second year of university. so it’s a damn shame that your university’s administration messed up your timestable and put you in a business course you had no intention of being in. you’d think being assigned an attractive teaching assistant would at least make things a little bit better, but of course you were wrong once again. luckily, you’re allowed to swap modules in the new term, but only on the condition that you pass the business module. sounds good,, except for the fact that you’ve never done business in your life...but not to fear! TA Lee Heeseung promises to help make you pass your module.

you just have to set him up with his crush, Hwang Yeji.

p.s do NOT fall in love with him :)

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phakjira198 · 3 years

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2020 Recap

Most people won’t reminisce the year 2020, but they’ll probably look back and think what a shitty year it was, with covid-19, lock-down and abysmal economy. But for me personally, 2020 wasn’t all too bad. I’ve learned a lot from this year. This year was like a roller coaster for me, a lot of ups and downs. A lot definitely happened, most of them are new things I’ve never experienced before. I mean, I think the reason why 2020 was not so bad for me is because I like who I am now. I think I’m a lot more stronger, a lot more confident, and a lot less tense than who I was in 2019 or earlier in 2020 itself. So here’s a list of recap of what happened and how it has changed me.

JAN

1. Stressing about a side project that I had with Pat, Ammy and Dao, called Thunder Bolt (I think)

2. Went to Perth and Melbourne, Woo hooo. Perth was a lot of fun; we stayed at an AirBnB and cooked every night. The lamb chop was wicked. There was a bush-fire when we went to Melbourne but it was still fun.

-> at this point I was so sick of Arts and Museum lol. (because I over did it in Tokyo last year 5555)

3. Exchange decision: debating between Dartmouth, USA and Groningen, Netherlands. Made countless list of pros and cons. In the end, I decided that I need the sun and can’t stand only 7 hours sunlight everyday for a month in Groningen, so choose Dartmouth instead. Anyway Him pissed me off so much about deciding where to go, peeps keep pressuring me to choose because my grade is high. In the end it doesn’t even fucking matter bitch, you just need to ace your interview, which I did and got a full score baby!

-> I just remembered that my Mac went cra cra and I had to change my screen. Thank god that I had Apple care otherwise, I’ll have to pay like 21000 Baht, but instead I got it fixed for free eiei. Anyway, I went to Australia without my Mac and I think that’s probably the longest that I’ve gone without my mac.

FEB

1. Lot of school work, according to my monthly calendar 55555. Had to prep for the exchange interview and everything as well. And had champ thingy as well.

2. Had a weird, random, study date-ish session with Pat. I don’t think he think of it as a date, he just wanted to study and I’m a somewhat useful resource ( or at least I hope so) -> because of working with him in Jan and like whatever the fuck happen in Feb, I started to develop a crush on him (again! jesus woman). But this time it was different, cause I actually told people about it, and by people I mean Tam 5555555. Anyway it was because on Valentine day, Tam, Por, Ohm, and I (we were all single, so sad) went out to celebrate the fact that we got to go to Dartmouth. And I was not very alcohol tolerant back then (notice the back then part, cause girl I can handle my alcohol nowadays 555), so when they asked me whether I liked someone or not, I hesitated and they spent the entire night try to figure out who. Later on that night when I got back home, I told Tam wa who 55555. But like it was just a crush, I didn’t like like him. Cause I don’t really know him well enough for me to “like” him.

3. GOT MY FIRST CAR!!!!, aka Stacy. But haven’t really got the change to drive her yet 555555555. The story behind how I got the car sound very privileged. I didn’t noticed it at first, but then went I told Ming what happened, she was like what a rich people way, and I’m like oh yeahh. So I stopped telling the story 55555. Anyway, I’m gonna tell it here again cause only future Jessie will read this post.

MAR

1. Midterm during the first week: so nothing much, just studying

2. Drove my car for the first time after mid-term. Took it to uni for like 3 times and then number 3 happened

3. COVID-19 hit baby -> online studying -> I was enjoying life as fuck. My introvert self was striving. I was playing piano, doing arts, keeping a bullet journal. Watching shit load amount of studio Ghibli and other movies.

APRIL

1. Pretty much the same as march. To be honest, they kinda merged together cause you can’t really tell time when you’re at home all the time. It’s just like school holiday.

2. Cheesy Avocado. Worked a lot on this joint-project for my 3 classes (software engineering, database system, ICE capstone). Spend a lot of time calling with Tam, Party and Nat. Shout out to Party for being a good PM; we would have never finished the work without you, and if I was the PM I would have drove myself crazy until the work is finish, you really help my mental health 5555.

3. Songkran that doesn’t feel like Songkran at all. Had all my classes as usually, and didn’t get leave my house. ToT

MAY

1. Final the first 2 weeks. Got a chance to work on a killer report for my history of animation class. I wrote an almost 20 pages report on “Whisper of the Heart”, a lot of it are my own analysis from scratch, so I’m very proud of it eiei.

2. Prep for Agoda -> I was very lazy to do this. I procrastinated it to the very last minute and didn’t even finished it properly lol.

3. Went out for lunch with friends for the first time since the pandemic at a Korean restaurant in Siam One. (Had a record driving time to Siam at 12 minutes I think)

--> I think May was like boring af. Nothing really happened that much.

JUNE

1. Started my internship at Agoda as a data engineer in the Messaging team. It’s a part of a bigger team called Agoda Data Pipeline, and I worked on a project called improve Kafka Offset Monitoring, where I implement this new feature called “time lag”. I wrote a blog post about it but never actually posted on Medium 55555. It requires too much work man. But I first started the internship we had to work from home, because of covid-19, which was depressing as fuck. It was not fun at all!!! To top that off, it was difficult and I was lazy and just no no. Then we got to start working at the office on the 21 of June and that was a lot more fun and everything. I really enjoyed working there.

2. Grandma passed away on the 19th of June. Thank god that I was working from home then cause I was crying my eyeballs out and it did not look pretty. But it wasn’t as bad as when P’Rin passed away (where I cry for non-stop 3 days and had to missed a trip that I was supposed to go on), because we were expecting it to happened. It was out of the blue or anything. The doctor asked whether we want to ฝอกไต her or not and the family agreed that we don’t want to put her through anymore pain, so we decided that we’re not going to do it. And the doctor said that if we’re not going to do it, then all we can do now is wait for her to go. I was in her room (well almost the entire family was) when her heart stopped beating and I think grandma was happy that we were all there.

-> nothing much else. Just hangout with people, ทำบุญให้อาม่า and just work.

JULY

1. Continue with the internship. At the Internship they had this thing called the the intern pitched competition and my team fucking won. (I probably already covered this in another blog post, so I’m not going to get into the details here). Anyway, we won 6000 Baht and spent it a Japanese restaurant in Gaysorn Plaza.

2. Finished up the internship project towards the end of the month.

3. Went drinking multiple time at Groove 5555.

AUG

1. Went to Koh Kood, it was so goooddd (pun intended 5555). A couple of days after the internship ended on the 5th of Aug. The trip itself was fabulous, pretty beach and fin food. But the weather itself wasn’t particularly good, but that’s okay.

2. Started talking to a guy for the first time (Woo Hoo!). It was all fun and game until somebody loses their mind (and that somebody just happened to be me, SAD) But actually I haven’t lose my mind in August yet. August was a lot of fun, I really liked the version of myself was talking to him. I was open and honest and wasn’t afraid that he would judge me. We had like 3 cute calls, but that was it 55555555. I called him on his BD at midnight to wish him happy birthday; I was cute as fuck. Just think back about it is making me blush, and boy did I blushed a lot. I’ll probably write more on the experience later in another blog post.

3. Started my senior year at uni. But this time it’s a little different because your home girl is a TA as well. I have the power to influences a the grade of a sophomore, felt powerful 555. We still had to do online studying, although I don’t really think it was necessary at that point, cause there wasn’t really new cases and people were out and about like normal just with their face masks on. The classes that I took this sem were good as well, I actually enjoy all of it, especially Stochastic and Optimisation, which makes me consider studying my master in Operation Research, but will still have to do more research on that 55555.

4. Worked on the Global sustainable development SDG goal competition thingy, and we got into the final 10 rounds. But we didn’t win 5555555, but it was still great cause I made a new friend. (which is really rare for me 555)

SEP

1. Your home girl 20!!!! I’m now officially legal and can drink and buy alcohol in public casually, which I am enjoying 555555555. Let’s just say I drink now 555. Btw I cried the night I turned 20 because I didn’t want to. I don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to become an adult, but I guess we can’t avoid it and we’re just going to have to embrace it instead. Also I think I was crying as well because I expected something from prime, I don’t know what I was expecting and keep telling myself that I didn’t expect anything but that’s not true. I did. Anyway he sent me a voice message and was the first one to wish me happy birthday eiei. And you guess it, I blushed bitch.

2. Shit also went to hell this month with the Prime stuff. Specifically on the 25th of September, where Millie told me that Prime told her that he likes her. And that he asked her to watch a movie and eat out (which he never did with me wtf bro). So when that happened we stopped talking, like literally stopped after that night. The last thing on our chat was me sending him the brown bear confetti at almost midnight on the 25th and that was it, we never texted each other again. Which was really sad ( I mean sad for me but and easy way out for him), because I never get to know what happened, why it happened, and I didn’t get to scream at his fucking face. I eventually did in a dream later in December, which leads to a fucking closure after a 3 long and depressing months. (I just want to say, Fuck you Prime)

3. Nothing else really happened that much but studying and love stuff. I was so fixated on the love stuff though 5555, but can you really blame me; it was my first time actually liking a guy not having a crush on him. (You know what just thinking about what happened my eyes are tearing up 555)

--> Just

OCT

1. October was a month of tear. Jessie was experiencing her first heart break; earlier this year back in July, Jessie just told Millie that she has never experienced heart break before in her entire life, but now she does. What a growth man. I did not enjoy the experience one bit, it was depressing, and just bad for me in many aspect. I tried to summoned stone cold bitch Jessie and killed of soft Jessie, which ultimately lead to me feeling numb and just plain sad. I lost inspiration, I just don’t enjoy the little shit like I used to; let’s just say I was not in a particularly good place. The only way to maintain my mental health was to run. And thanks to the free personal training that I got from Mr.Prime when we were talking, I started running more.

2. Midterm. Got full score for introduction to stochastic modelling bitches. I remember going to Sea life right after Stochastic exam and just try to get my shit together. I really thought that I had picked up the pieces together but I really hadn’t, it was only 2 and half weeks since it happened. I was rushing into healing too much and didn’t know that these things take time to heal. Screw you knw for telling me that it only took you a week to get over Tam, that was total bullshit, and I tried to used that as a fucking standard, which just killed me.

3. Skinny Bitch Jessie emerged. I lose my appetite because of the heart break so I ate a lot less. Actually I think I consumed a normal amount of what an average human being should consumed, I just ate way too much before 55555. And like with all the running, my weight got down to like 50, 51, which is the skinniest I’ve ever been since I got to uni. Maybe even the skinniest I’ve ever been since year 11 as well.

NOV

1. Shopee GLP application. I didn’t get the job but it was a great experience. I learned what a case interview, and thinks it very oppa. The process of preparing for it was fun, but I wasn’t totally into it because I was still dead inside. And still have no passion, no inspiration, no motivation, no goal, and everything because of what happened in the last 2 months. The only reason why I wanted to job was because I wanted the money 5555555.

2. Won DevDisrupt Hackathon 2020. Ter did most of the work though, but it was still a lot of fun, and something that I could add to my resume 5555.

DEC

1. HAPPY JESSIE IS BACK BITCHES!!!! I LOVE December Jessie; she’s STRIVING. Thank god I got my shit sorted out before the end of the year. She is once again enjoying life, feeling inspired, and motivated. And she’s doing all this while she is dressed to the nine every single fucking day!

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