#yep I'm still alive.... just very much tired
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la libertà
I lost the request for this one :(( but it was basically about a fluff phoebe x reader
Fem!reader x Phoebe bridgers, mostly fluff
REMINDER!!!! my first language is not english, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes 💘
I felt the gentle breeze hitting my skin as I watched the sea, on that balcony that would remain engraved in my heart for the rest of my days.
I took a deep breath
Is this a dream?
I could smell the soft smell of ocean salt and the sun stinging my skin and that's how I felt and I felt something that characterized those little vacations in southern Italy; The freedom
or I most to say la libertá
Lost in that landscape, I suddenly felt the warmth of her body hugging my back
"Good morning" she said in a hoarse voice
I answered a very shyly 'hi'
I could still feel the nerves of that first time I saw her, even though we had already been a couple for a long time.
She kissed my neck with tenderness because of my obvious embarrassment.
She loved to joke about my shyness, and I very proudly said that it bothered me when in reality it made me melt over her
"You got up early today, aren't you tired from last night" she said with that playful tone that characterized her
she laughed when I responded with a little smack.
"I just wanted to see the sunrise for the last time".
Today was our last day in Positano, a lovely village in the Amarfil coast and it was a total dream.
This vacation were actually our first ones after a long distance relationship because of Phoebe's tour with the boys
I actually can put on words how magic was this trip with her, I think I could never get ove-
"Babe? are you alive? " Phoebe ask with a little laugh
"Yes yes, sorry. What were you saying?"
"I asked you what do you wanted to do for our last day"
"oh, I actually don't know yet... but" I told her as I slowly turned my body to look into her eyes in a hug
She looked at my with so much love and also with with a confused face
"But?"
I give her a little kiss and said
"The only thing that I want it's you and me on that bed..."
"Oh yes?" She seemed very interested in my idea
"Yep" I said and gave hee a long kiss that ended up being a little more intense than I thought and I cut it off to tell her
"Yes, you and me im bed eating some pancakes"
I swear I almost saw the disappointment until she understood what I said and smiled flirtatiously.
"Yes, if it's that what my ragazza wants"
I kissed her quickly and ran to the kitchen searching for the ingredients
and as I began to prepare the pancakes I saw her silhouette next to the door, still without seeing her.
I felt the little smile in her face
¿Do you want them with syrup ? I asked her
"I think that question is illegal" She said as she sat at the small kitchen bar that connected to the living room
“Here they are” I said and left the plates on the table. "Thanks love"
We enjoyed the comfortable silence of our breakfast while we tried those pancakes. Everything felt soft and surreal, neither of the two wanted to break that bubble of love and warmth in that apartment.
Phoebe looked at me for a while and simply took my hand and pulled me into the room.
I felt confused but I let myself go with it
Phoebe just lay down on the bed and softly said "Come here" as she hit the bed.I laughed as I looked at her in confusion.
I lay down on the bed and hugged her. "I think someone has been bitten by the love bug."
She didn't say anything and simply hugged my nakedness, which was very common for both of us but this time she felt different.It felt like one of those moments that stays etched in your heart. And she just said it, like it was nothing, like there was no fear of feeling it.
"I love you"
There was silence for a few minutes, insecurity had taken over me and I thought it was a little joke. But when I had the strength to look into her eyes I could see the love and her fear, and that's when I knew.
we were in love
A true love
They tipe of love that would leave marks on our bodies
So I kissed her, I kissed her like I had never done before. Leaving fears and insecurities behind, I only wanted her.
So i said it
"I love you, And I don't think I've ever felt anything like that for anyone else."
OMG?!
my first fic *crying*
I actually believe that it's I think it's bullshit but I tried it 🥺Thank you very much for the anon
XOXO, vic
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The Story of Minglan
I am so damn tired. I don't know how other people manage to hold down jobs and have families and get all their shit together and still manage to find time for things they enjoy.
I can't manage to eke out time for one episode of a drama, let alone something more challenging. I will try at least half tonight and maybe continue tomorrow. I hate everything 😢
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OK, I laughed 🤣🤣
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God, I'm so face-blind 😭
Is this that royal cousin that he once saved in the middle of nowhere?
Are we getting to the royal plots now? I feel like I'm really struggling here with the transition from the last arc to this one.
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Yup, it's him, I just went back and checked my old screenshots.
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Oh, shit.
Assassins!
Anyway, here's to random Imperial cousin Zhao becoming the new Emperor!
Maybe he can even let Gu Tingye retake that stupid exam.
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So nice 💚
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They just keep poppin up, like toadstools after rain 😕
This drama is mostly a domestic, female drama, with female issues and struggles and household battlefields, so I find it very hard to switch gears and enjoy his wuxia moments that happen here every one hundred years because it just doesn't match the tone of everything else, but I've realised that I wouldn't mind watching him wreak destruction in another drama, where it would be more appropriate. He really moves very well and is such a strong presence on-screen.
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Also, what is he fighting these bandits alone for? Was he not with Imperial Cousin the Younger when they realised there was an ambush? Where are the rest of their men?
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Finally!
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So many common themes with Love Like the Galxy!
Also, I am always reminded of Shen Zechuan breaking a prisoner out of the imperial prison to skin him alive.
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LOL, that didn't take long 😅
Anyway, princes Yan and Yong are going down!
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I love how these people still have faith in the useless Emperor.
The man has been mentally unwell for years, he is old and sick and they still think they can go tattle to him and that he will do anything to protect anyone.
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I love Imperial Cousin, LOL! He's so bloodthirsty 🤣🤣
But he must be when Daddy Zhao is so meek and indecisive.
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I love these big shots of scenery!
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Yeah, dream on!
Gu Tingye is out there being best buddies with the next emperor! All your scheming is in vain.
But the biggest irony here is that Gu Tingye adored her. He really thought of her as a mother. It would have been endless glory and wealth for her and her son if she had just been half normal and not gone out of her way to ruin everyone's lives.
***
This can't be good 😬
It's just Minglan's luck to get stuck in the Imperial Palace when a coup is about to go down.
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I know this woman!
Didn't she also play an evil Imperial Consort in Nirvana in Fire?
These roles suit her!
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YESSSS! Consort Rong, go apeshit! 🔥🔥
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Yes! Please, kill her!
Preferably beat her to death.
Let her know before she dies what pain she inflicted on helpless people. I am Team Consort Rong!
***
Wait.
If Prince Yong killed her sister, she is probably allied with prince Yan. And Prince Yan is currently trying to murder Gu Tingye and Unfavoured Imperial Cousins.
So maybe not Team Consort Rong after all because I do want Gu Tingye to win 🤔 But maybe she can kill Princess Pingning first.
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Yep.
Go, Consort Rong!! Kill them all!! 🗡🗡
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Oh, yes, dig your grave!
I will very much enjoy watching the whole lot of you die.
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Oh, he's still alive?
I was wondering.
Also, the difference between his appearance and the Consort's, smh. She is so beautiful and he is a warmed-up corpse. My estimate is that he is at least forty years older than her.
***
LMAO, priorities 🤣🤣
I love Changbai! He is such a Lan Xichen 💙
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Hi. If you are accepting requests, could you write a Eddie one where you are Dustin cheerleader sister who also play D&D and have a secret crush on Eddie and no one knows besides your friend Chrissy (let's pretend that she still alive ans season 4 events never happened) and when Dustin and Mike needs someone to replace Lucas, your brother finds you talking to Chrissy and asks you to replace him and she knowing about your crush on Eddie,helps you find a excuse to miss the match to be on Hellfire as a favour to your brother. While Eddie is surprised to see that you are the person who will replace Lucas in the campaign since he didn't know you played D&D and soon after,asks you to talk to you where he assumes he has something for you and asks you on a date, much to Dustin's delight since he knows of your crush on his friend and his friend crush on you and wants his favorite people (after Steve) be together
Warnings: TW: Dustin jokes once about killing himself. Reader threats to kill Dustin on several occasions. This is mostly flirting, fluff and pining. I hope you enjoy.
A/N: Thank you for the ask, sorry it's taken me a hot minute to actually reply to this. But I'm absolutely NOT going to rush any of my requests. Firstly, I love that you guys enjoy my writing enough to request anything, so I love requests! I just want to make sure I'm satisfied with the quality. Secondly, I'm really trying not to burn myself out. So, thank you for being patient with me, darling. MWAH! I totally adjusted the end just a little bit. So I'm sorry but most of it is true to the request.
Post A/N: OH MY GOD I RANDOMLY FOUND THIS IN THE BOTTOM OF MY DRAFTS AND IT ACTUALLY SAVED! I THOUGHT IT LOST!
The most horrifying thing Dustin had ever spoken was after the very first day of his freshman year nearly made you crash your car. Your tires had squealed when you hit the brakes. "DUDE! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!" He'd shouted after getting yanked against his seatbelt. His other words like a black hole in your head.
I made a new friend today! He's a senior who's, like the coolest dude ever! He offered to let us join his D'n'D club, you should join too!
"You're friends with Eddie Munson?" You demand.
"Yeah, you know him?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah," you offer before focusing back on the road and proceed to drive again.
"I'm surprised you're not in Hellfire. It's a D'n'D club!"
"Uh, yeah, I'm okay," you offer meekly. Dustin's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"I don't get it, what's everyone got against Eddie?"
You take a deep breath. "Dustin, do you remember how when we were kids, we'd play the secret game?"
"Take it to the grave?"
"Yep," you reply. "Do you want to play?" You watch his eyes light up and he twists to stare at you. Always eager for juicy gossip.
"Yeah, yeah!" He leans forward eagerly. "What is it?" You bite your lip.
"Eddie Munson... is the guy I've got a crush on." His jaw drops wide open.
"EDDIE IS 'THE GUY'!?" He shrieks. "Eddie is the guy that sits in front of you in Mrs. O'Donnel's class? The one that you always say would never give you a second look?"
"Yep."
"THEN YOU GOTTA JOIN HELLFIRE TOO!"
"NO WAY! AND YOU SWORE! IF I FIND OUT YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT ME, I WILL CRASH THIS CAR INTO A TREE AT FULL SPEED WITH YOU IN IT!"
Dustin dropped it. To the grave meant something genuinely. But he hated being stuck in the middle. Especially when less than a week later he had almost an identical conversation with Eddie.
His bag had been jerked off his shoulder by some asshole on the football team. The papers went fly when his broken zipper split. Eddie was nearby and nearly got into a fist fight over it, which Dustin was definitely going to fill you in on later. When the jocks finally stomped off, Eddie squatted down to help him collect his papers.
"Damn, these are killer marks, Dustin!" Eddie congratulates him while patting his back.
"Oh yeah, huge nerd, ya know." Then Eddie's face sobers.
"Wait," he grunts as holds up a finger.
"Yeah, what's up."
"What's this?" He demands, pointing at Dustin's messy writing at the top. His full name. "Henderson? Are you related-"
"Yep. Yeah. Mhmm," the kid folds under the intensity of Eddie's gaze. "The cheer captain, valedictorian would in fact be my sister, yes." Eddie takes a deep breath to steady himself.
"The Queen of Cheer is your older sister?" Dustin wants to beat his head against the wall. It was the topic of conversation at the Hellfire meeting twenty minutes later. Dustin was drowned in the guys all drooling over you. Something he was used to, at this point. And then Gareth says something that has Eddie's eyes widening.
"Dustin, who would have the best chance at scoring a date with her." Dustin drops his jaw wide open to stare at Keith. Then he begins to laugh nervously.
"Definitely me," Lucas smugly answers, mostly joking.
"No way," Mike scoffs back, "not one of us has a chance. Especially not you!"
"Yep, no one. Definitely no one." Every head swivels at his poor lying. Mike stares at him in disbelief.
"No way!"
"What! I didn't-"
"Does she have a crush on someone!?" Mike demands, shoving Dustin.
"I TOOK IT TO THE GRAVE!" Uproar erupts among the table. Everyone sitting forward. Will, Mike and Lucas all groaning with frustration.
"What does that mean!?" Gareth demands.
"It means his sister swore him to secrecy and he won't peep."
"Believe me! I want to! It's so stupid but she told me last week! If you got to me before she almost crashed the car because I mentioned the guy, I could have told you!" Everyone is on the edge of their seats with this.
"C'mon, what can you tell us," Eddie presses with the most charm he can muster despite the situation.
"No way, no. I'm not allowed to talk to you guys about her. She forbids it!" Eddie stands and makes his way around to the kid.
"Talking to us about her? Dustin, do you have dirt on your sister?" Dustin remains quiet, wildly uncomfortable about being put on the spot. "Henderson," Eddie coos, "you're not corrupted into doing the bidding of your older sister are you?"
"Of course not! But there are lines I won't cross!"
"There's got to be a degree of loyalty to your friends. Aren't you loyal to Hellfire?"
"Yes! Yes! Of course, I am!"
"Then tell us something about your sister." Dustin squeezes his eyes shut as Eddie rests his weight across the back of his shoulders.
"The guy she likes," Dustin starts and everyone sits forward in eager curiousity, "he... he..." He desperately tries to recall some bit of information he can spare. "Look, can it be any information or..."
"You know what, sure, kid," Eddie offers, with a wet willie. Dustin shutters in disgust and wipes at his ear quickly.
"Fine, I tried to set her up with Steve Harrington multiple times... but she's always refused because she has a huge crush on someone else..." Eddie grins down at him proudly.
"There you go, was that so hard." Dustin sinks down in his seat and passes Lucas a miserable look. Feeling horrible for outing you like that.
"Don't let him get to you," Gareth grunts out, unimpressed with Eddie. "He just has a huge crush on her and never shuts up about her."
Eddie twists to fix his friend with a horrified look and then Dustin rolls his eyes and groans. "Henderson, you tell her, and I'll make every campaign Hell for the rest of the year."
"You've gotta be kidding me," Dustin grumbles to himself.
Your name being called is what drags you away from conversation with Chrissy. You glance up to see Dustin jogging across the parking lot for your car. "Hey," you offer him.
"Hey, Chrissy," your brother offers with a smile. She gives him a warm one back.
"Hey, Dustin."
"What are you up to? Don't you have class?"
"I gotta ask you a favor," Dustin replies.
"Shoot."
"Lucas is bailing on D'n'D tonight for the game and it's the end of the campaign. Eddie's gonna drill us. We need another body for the party, please, please, please. You have to be there tonight. I can't find anyone else, and Eddie won't reschedule."
"Oh, oh, oh, you have to go!" Chrissy urges as dread sinks in your belly.
"Chris! We're supposed to be at the game tonight! How am I, cheer captain, going to skip our biggest game of the season!?"
"She'll do it!" Chrissy insists. "I'll cover for you at the game!" She squeezes your side and leans in to whisper. "Go get you some Munson." You flush deeply. "Okay, Okay, but Lucas is a ranger, right? I'm a mage, is that really a good idea."
"Please, Eddie is a tyrant as DM." You take a deep breath and sigh.
"I'll meet you after school, but you so owe me."
"YES! THANK YOU!" And with that he throws into a hug.
The drama room quiets as your shoes squeak to a stop. "You made it!" Dustin calls.
"What is this?" Eddie laughs like it's some big joke. You take a deep breath to steel yourself against the emotions that swell at the fact that Eddie Munson was speaking to you. You were in the same room as him, and he was acknowledging your existence like you imagined daily. Like you always willed him to turn around in class and give you a flirty smile. It never happened.
"I found a sub for Lucas."
"I'm missing the game for this," you reply to Eddie a lot smoother than you expect. Your voice even, steady. Eddie rises from his throne and move towards you, head tilting at you.
"Oh, and the Queen of Cheer knows about d'n'd?"
"You're looking at a level seventeen mage," you respond. Eddie's face flashes briefly with shock.
"There's no way."
"Want to see my score sheet?" You hold out your hand as Dustin digs through a folder he kept. "I haven't played in a while, but I know what I'm doing." Dustin passes you the sheet, grinning widely. When you look over at him, he winks and you want to strangle him.
Eddie hums quietly as he glances over the sheet. His eyes meet yours and your heart flutters in your chest. "Well, do you want me to play?" You demand, voice softening more than you mean it to.
Eddie steps into your space, a lazy smile crossing his lips. "If you want me to play with you," your eyes widen at his words and you can feel the warmth of your cheeks turn to burning, "you'll have to say 'please', princess." He's so close you can smell the smoke and his shampoo. It's hard not to take innuendo away from what he just said.
Why, oh why, did you have such a crippling crush on such a prick. You send a hard look down on to your brother, something promising a vicious response.
When you turn yourself back onto Eddie, he's patiently waiting. You take in another deep breath, inhaling the earthy smell of him before you fix him with your 'siren' eyes as Chrissy called them. Your half-lidded smile in response to Eddie has his breath hitching. Eddie was unaware of your competitiveness that would often draw out your feral side. Only you were consciously vicious.
You'd play his game. But you don't think he's prepared for it. You press yourself close, pressing your breasts into his chest. Your mouth hovers close to his ear.
"Oh, Eddie," you breathe for him, "won't you please let me play with you and your friends?"
"That's underhanded," he murmurs back.
"Thought you were supposed to bring the fire, or is the throne for show?" You taunt. He takes in the dark grin you're giving him. It's surprises you how easy it is to flirt with him. He gives you a breathy laugh. It might be nervousness but when he pins you with a dark gaze, you know it's just fueling something.
"Fine. You can join. But I'm gunnin' for you, sweetheart."
"I'm so scared. Now, aren't you going to pull out a chair for the queen?" Dustin high fives you below the table when a folding chair is tucked in for you.
"Thank you," he murmurs.
"My services aren't free, Dusty."
"Oh, I think you'll like my repayment."
The laughter and cheers fill the room still. If you hadn't rolled nat twenty with that last roll there wouldn't be so much thrill in the boys around you hooting and hollering. It was a fun campaign, certainly grueling, and it reminded you of when you'd gotten Dustin into it. Before you'd even moved to Hawkins. The hype was what you'd always loved about Cheer.
Somehow this was better though. Everyone shouting and laughing as they packed up their things. "Hey, Eddie," Dustin calls as Eddie is about to slip out the door. He says it at the same time as he grabs your wrist to stop you. "Come here a sec."
"What's up, little Henderson?" You frown in confusion as Dustin plucks the keys out of your hand.
"I'm gonna leave in a second," Dustin encourages as Eddie rakes his eyes over you quickly.
"Um... okay?" Eddie offers.
"And I know I said to the grave," your eyes widen and you snap fully towards him.
"Don't you dare."
"My sister has had a crush on you for like four years." Eddie's head swivels back to you.
"To the grave you're going."
"Shut up, if I have to spend one more lunch period with him staring at you across the cafeteria and talking about how pretty you are, I'm going to kill myself." You flush deeply and now you both watch each other quietly.
Dustin grins proudly. "Okay then, I'll be in the car." And with that, your brother skips out of the Drama room. Eddie and you evaluate each other quietly.
"So you enjoyed that little tease at first, didn't you?" Eddie grins, letting his bag slip from his shoulder to the floor. You flush.
"Take me on a date and I might tell you," you whisper quietly. Eddie grins at you, stepping back into his face.
"I didn't know you were a devil worshipping nerd before tonight, might have changed my opinion of you," he teases. You start to feel the bite of rejection until he suddenly walking you back onto the table. "How does Saturday sound?"
You lick your lips and nod at him, too emotionally fried to put up a fight like you did earlier. "Yeah, I'd like that." Now that your perched on the edge of the table he just gives you a cocky grin. The lingering silence making you nervous. "Are you gonna stand there and stare or are you going to kiss me?" You demand quietly.
Eddie gives you a mean little laugh and leans in really close. "Good girls wait until the end of a date." You flush and a pout of sorts settles across your face.
"I'm not as good as you think," you encourage. Eddie gives you a shaky breath and then explains it very gently. Butterflies erupting in your stomach.
"The only reason I have to say no is because I'm worried that...," he swallows and tucks hair behind one of your ears. "If I kiss you now, I don't know that I'll be able to stop. Dustin might be in your car for a while." It has you sucking a breath in and your gaze softens on him.
"Saturday then," you agree.
"Saturday," Eddie agrees with stunning smile. You reach forward, feeling emboldened by him. Eddie's breath stutters as you snatch his belt buckle and jerk him closer. You push up onto your toes, lips brushing his cheek. You grin when you lean back and see the pink tint of your lips left behind. He's none the wiser.
"See you," you offer him prior to slipping past him and you pause in the hall. His cheeks are red from the stunt you just pulled. You send him one last smile and slip out the door.
#eddie munson x you#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#stranger things#eddie munson fics#eddie munson stranger things#fluff#request#thanks for the ask!
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INTJ Stereotypes Survey
Just for the fun of it. I've seen this going around a few places and decided to throw my answers into the mix. This is a long post, so read under the cut:
Socially Awkward - Yes. Horribly. Even around people I know decently well, I tend to fumble my words and have weird bodily cues. I've been asked on more than one occasion at in-person jobs why I "do that". It's somewhat embarrassing and makes the social awkwardness even worse.
Really Good at One or Two Oddly-Specific Things - Yep. Those two things would probably be writing and music.
STEM Nerd - I wish. I've always been fascinated by science and would have chosen a career in a scientific field had I not been cursed with dyscalculia.
Morbid Fascinations - Hey, only I know the contents of my browser history and I'm going to keep it that way 😏
Lots of Alone Time - Definitely. I wear out easily if I have to be around people or talk on the phone for too long.
Good at School - Yes and no. There was a time in my life when my grades were suffering and that was largely due to depression, and as mentioned, I have dyscalculia so my GPA suffered as an undergrad due to having to repeat so many math courses. Concerning the last math class I had to take in college, I went to the math lab every day for tutoring and to study a week before finals. The final still took me 2 1/2 hours to complete and I was crying throughout. I barely passed the course with a D.
Unemotional - Somewhat, I guess? I have emotions, but they're not dramatic or overexaggerated like a lot of peoples', and definitely not fitting to the female/non-male stereotype.
High IQ - I took the IQ test twice - the first time gave me 123 and the second time gave me 117. I don't think either of those numbers are too shabby.
Very Strong Political Opinions - Hoooo boy, yes. This is doubly so if you get a few drinks in me. I nearly derailed a work party once for ranting about a Conservative coworker's idiotic scare tactic posts about Syrian refugees. So many visibly uncomfortable people.
Very Strong Religious Opinions - Somewhat. I'm mostly agnostic but I'm definitely not a fan of organized religion dictating what others can and can't do with their lives.
Facts Over Feelings - Yes, very much so. The truth is more important than sugar-coating something.
Plans Ahead for Everything - I try to, but we live in a very unpredictable world right now that is centered on temporary fixes and intentional instability. Being a Type A person in a Type B societal system can be tiring.
Very Organized - When it comes to my work spaces, 100% yes. Everything else? I'm a little sloppy because it doesn't concern anything immediate or urgent.
Has an Existential Crisis Like Every Other Day - Hahahahahahaha....that's what a Ni-Fi loop will do to you, kids.
Nihilistic - To a degree, yes. I don't exactly gargle Nietzsche's cum or anything, but we share similar outlooks.
Money Matters - True, although I'm not super stingy like my ISTJ/ESTJ mom is. I allow more wiggle room for (responsible) fun.
Narcissistic - I don't' think I am at all, but an ex-coworker did call me a narcissist in an argument once. I told our manager and she just laughed and said "Dora, he probably doesn't even know what the word means".
Brutally Honest - Yes, and it's cost me a lot of friendships in my life. Once again, I believe in telling the truth even if it hurts.
Not Open With Romantic Feelings - I think this is one way in which I deviate most from the INTJ stereotype. When I have feelings for somebody, I play it cool, but I let the other person know that I'm interested. Having been in a relationship for 11 years, I understand the importance of romantic feelings and try to make time for my partner and I to keep those feelings alive.
Arrogant - I've been accused of being arrogant many times in the past, so maybe I am. Eh.
Black-and-White Thinking/Bad at Accepting Other Opinions - I've struggled with this in the past, but I think I'm getting better at being more open with age.
Never Smiles - I do smile, but only if I feel like it.
Hates Parties - I like parties if it's a small get-together with good friends. I'm not too big on the ones with tons of people, super loud music, drugs everywhere, etc. No ragers for me.
Self-Centered - This is a heated one for me, because my mom always called me self-centered when I was growing up as an insult. I probably am, but it's due to the fact that at times in my life, I've felt like I'm all that I have.
Offensive Memes - Yes, back when I was in my little edgelord phase. God forbid any of those ever resurface.
Aloof - I suppose? I don't know.
Probably Wants to Take Over the World - Nah. I just want to have control over my own life and my immediate surroundings.
Good With Technology - Yes, for the most part.
Good at Math - As mentioned twice before, I have dyscalculia, so no.
Good at Written Communication but Bad at Talking to People - Why the hell do you think I'm on this website so much? I've always asserted that the words I write are much louder than the words I speak.
Bad at Expressing Emotions - I can be, but once again, I think I'm getting better about it with age.
Pessimistic - I consider myself a realist, not a pessimist, although so many people tend to think someone is being pessimistic when they're just seeing the reality of a situation.
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Sunflower fields (and salt dripping down my chin)
Sausage has good memories of sunflowers. He does! He swears he does. But it doesn't change the pang of his heart when he sees them, or the reflex to call to someone who isn't there. It doesn't change the habit of packing lunch for two or sharpening a sword for a spar the won't happen.
He sighs, and sits in between the flowers. Sausage rests his head on his knees, and glances to his side. If he squints, he can imagine a woman smiling at him, her crown sliding forward. "Sorry Pearl," he says, an apology uttered countless times over countless years, over countless lives. He can imagine her response. "Sorry for what, ya silly Sausage?" she'd say, ruffling his hair. "I'm doing just fine. You're doing just fine. fWip hasn't started a war yet, so we're all doing fine!" Sausage can already feel salt dripping down his chin. "I don't know," he says, even though he's talking to empty air. "Well then," she'd reply. "That's ok." Then they'd sit there for a while, breathing in the scent of sunflowers.
"Are you happy, Sausage?" she'd ask, as if the answer was simple. Maybe, if she were really here, he'd laugh and shrug it off. Of course he's fine! Just a little bit tired.
But she's not here. It's just him, the wind, and the sunflowers resting above his head. So he tells her ghost "I wish I wouldn't be lying if I told you I was happy." Sausage imagines the twinkle in her sky colored eyes. They used to sparkle when she was amused. "I wish I didn't resent how easy you left. I wish I did things differently." Pearl, he thinks, would nod right about now, face solemn. "Sure," he imagines her say. "But what if you did things differently? What would have changed, Sausage?" She's stumped him again. This imaginary Pearl, a manifestation of guilt and sorrow, has managed to get him answering questions he'd rather leave alone.
"Maybe..." he starts, then breaks off. The tears have come back. "Maybe you wouldn't have died. Maybe you would still be here if I'd done things differently." Pearl shifts from her position, choosing to lie down instead. It could almost be real, if only she cast a shadow upon the dewy grass. "Oh Sausage," he imagines her saying. "There was nothing to be done. I promise." Sausage closes his eyes and lies down. He can't stop talking to this hallucination. In fact, he's not sure he wants to.
"The truth is, Pearl," he starts, rolling over to face her. "The truth is, I don't think I can let go of you. I think the pain and guilt has become too familiar. Too much a part of me to let go." Sausage hums, imagining her calloused hands running through his hair. "Then don't," he hears Pearl say. "If I am too much of you to let go, then don't." She breathes in deeply. "Keep me with you until we meet again."
Sausage thinks about it. It's hard to imagine waking up and feeling good, feeling whole, like everything's going to be ok. The small hollow in his heart has become a small comfort, the only familiar thing in the thousand years of change. So he swallows. "I miss you, Pearl." She laughs, and it sounds like wheat rustling. "I miss you too, Sausage. But I'm dead, and a figment of your imagination. You-" she jabs a finger at his chest, and it feels real, but only to him "-are alive. And real. You can make connections beyond me."
Sausage laughs, but it's tired. He's tired. "I could try, Pearl. For you." His eyes are heavy, and Pearl is beginning to fade from view. "Don't go, Pearl," he murmurs. "Don't wanna miss you all over again." Pearl sighs, and kisses him on the forehead. It feels like raindrops on a field. He shuts his eyes, succumbing to sleep. "Don't worry Sausage," he hears, barely a whisper above his head.
"I'm not going anywhere."
¤¤¤¤¤
I wrote this before Sausage's latest episode to practice dialogue, and I must say, I am very proud. My personal headcanon is that Sausage can remember every single one of his past lives, for no reason other than ANGST. Yep.
Now available on a03 here
#nightraider writes#writing#pearlescentmoon#empires#mythical sausage#empires smp#empiresblr#long post
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"Hey Jes, I too want to get some stuff from @spiralhouseshop, but I'm not sure what to get."
GLAD YOU ASKED, MY DEAR MADE-UP READER.
Personal Zines:
($3) Cul-de-sac #7 - Look. Some friends made a zine. They're adults. They geek out about stuff. They have adult responsibilities that say they shouldn't geek out about stuff, but goddammit they're gonna go to conventions and geek out because they fuckin' can. This zine is fun and it's silly and it's thoughtful. It's got David Tennant. It's got Carrie Fisher. It's got D&D. It's $3. Put it in your cart.
($5) how to be alive in a dying world - This is a short zine. There are 11 little short little tidbits, not quite "advice" as it is "notes to self" published for you to read. You can read through the whole thing in less than a minute, but if you pause to really chew on them, it'll stay with you for much longer. I keep my copy on me, tucked into the little zipper of my purse. Its little reminders are there for me when I need them. And I often need them.
(Various) Brainscan - Look, if you're gonna buy from a zine distro, you just gotta read the zines of the person who runs it, yaknow? Alex loves zines, and reading through theirs, you absolutely know it. Brainscan is the musings of someone who knows herself well, but also knows there is always more to figure out. Brainscan is someone wrestling the world and containing it in between photocopied pages to make it easier to understand, while simultaneously knowing that the world is far too big to ever be contained or understood like that. Which one would I recommend? Man, pick a Brainscan, any Brainscan. They're all gold.
Anti-Capitalism
($6) A Pagan Anti-Capitalist Primer - So you're tired of the whole Capitalism thing. You know it's killing you, but you don't quite know how to articulate that. In school you were taught that free market = good, communism = bad. Enter: THE PRIMER. This is a pamphlet sized book, 40 pages, but written plainly, explained in easy terms. So many things in this book made me go "Ohh so THAT'S what that means!" Concepts that I had heard but that didn't make sense because all I've ever known is life under capitalism, now suddenly clicked into place. Good one. Get it.
($12) All That is Sacred is Profaned - This one is like the pamphlet, but in more words. If you want to read a longer book with more explanations and a little more in depth while still keeping that easy-to-grasp language, this one is for you. I mean, personally I'd recommend both! Start with the Primer and then move on to this one.
Witchcraft
($18.95) Backwoods Witchcraft - I read this one in my Jes vs Witch Books series here, and I did NOT want to throw this one out the window. It's not so much a how-to guide as it is an insight into what a craft can look like, and I found it very insightful.
($15.95) Pestlework - "Hey isn't that Bree Landwalker's book?" YEP. Put it in your cart.
($16.95) Queering Your Craft - This is my current Jes vs Witch Books read, and so far I love it. I will have more to say as I read farther, but at the moment I know that you should check it out.
#lists#and I'll throw it in:#jes vs witch books#click that tag if you want to see my thoughts on Backwoods and Queering
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Love☆One's Episode
Hello everyone! This is my first Episode translation! I was always so curious of Love1's CV and oh boy am I satisfyed after translating this! ( ꈍᴗꈍ) www He reminds me of a mexican radio station by the range Showtaro Morikubo(森久保祥太郎) has! We also have an Eins appearence! www Eins is so sweet, he's such a good big brother! (≧▽≦) He loves his family so much ❤️ This post will have the full translation and the raws if you want to double check anything. Criticism is appreciated! Poll will be up in a few hours!
Video of Love1's Episode
Translation + Notes
Love☆One - Episode 1
The Spy Saw It! ~The Tension Has Exploded☆~
~Scene Begins in Jail Cell~
Love☆One: “Ahh~ …are you quietly making up your mind? It’s become a hassle.”
Prisoner: “…..”
Love☆One: “I mean, can you hear me properly? If you don’t want those ears, why don’t I shoot them~?”
Love☆One: “I’m not very dexterous, so I might blow your whole head off… ahahaha!”
Love☆One: “So, bye bye~☆”
Prisoner: “…..”
Love☆One: “Hmm~? Afu! Hey, I'm jammed up☆ You were lucky… right?”
*PUNCH*
Prisoner: “…ugh!”
Love☆One: “......Ah, that’s bad. I was so annoyed that I hit him with all of my strength. Hey, are you still alive?”
Love☆One: “Ahh, he passed out. …You there, please do the rest~ Thank you☆
Soldier: “Yes! I got it!”
~Scene Changes to Outside World Empire~
Love☆One: “Fu! I’m kinda tired. Is it possible that I’m bad at interrogation?”
Love☆One: “My loot is only this small bottle of liquor~ Well, what’s inside~?”
Love☆One: “Hmm? This scent is… Scotch!”
Love☆One: “Nice~! Even though you’re a rat, you’ve got some good stuff!”
Love☆One: “Ah, but drinking alcohol makes my nose bleed more easily… Well, Like-chan isn’t here right now! OKOK~!”
Love☆One: “Thanks for the drink~☆”
*SWALLOW*
Love☆One: “...Puha! Ahh…! Oh…! This is it, this is it! Kiku(1) wow~!”
Love☆One: “Hm… my blood is starting to pump! I can shoot without jamming now.”
Love☆One: “Well then, I’m off to the battlefield! Yeah! Shoot, shoot, shoot! Shoot, fuu~!”
~Episode 1 Concluded~
NOTE 1: I have no idea what “kiku” is. If anyone can explain it to me, it would be greatly appreciated.
Love☆One - Episode 2
The Spy Saw It! ~The Gentle Rat Killer~
~Scene Begins in Inside World Empire ~
Love☆One: “...Hey! Mr. Mayor, you’ve come a long way~ Good morning~☆”
Love☆One: “Sorry for calling you out of the blue. It’s a long way from here, so it must have been hard to come, right?”
Mayor: “N-No, this is nothing… I’ll be here whenever you call me…”
Love☆One: “Yea, yea, you’re really serious and dependable, aren’t you?”
*Music Pauses*(2)
Love☆One: “So, on to the main topic. …What are you doing sneaking around with the resistance rats?”
Mayor: “Eh… Huh?! You-you’ve misunderstood! I would never betray the Emperor of the World…!”
Love☆One: “Okay okay, stop. I don’t want to hear any lame excuses.”
Love☆One: “I already knew what you were doing.”
Love☆One: “Yep, food aid, base weaknesses, leaked information on planned operations… all it is out! ”
Love☆One: “Here’s the proof too. You’re a serious guy, but you’re not very thorough, are you?”
Mayor: “Ahh..! I’m-I’m so sorry! But I was just threatened by them…!”
Love☆One: “Yeah, that’s a lie too. Anyway, your family is going to be publicly executed this time.”
Mayor: “Eh… that’s a lie...!”
Love☆One: “Aha, too bad. I’m honest~ Where would you like them to be executed? I'll make sure you have a special seat so you can get a good view.”
Mayor: “P-Please stop! My family, my only family—ugh!”
*KICK*(3)
Love☆One: “Huh? Aren't you glad that I'm the one who noticed you? ”
Love☆One: “If it had been Ein-chin, he would have destroyed the whole town and killed everyone☆ Ahahaha!”
~Episode 2 Concluded~
NOTE 2: No matter how many times I went over this part, it a horrifiying moment amplified by the music and the CV and it makes me tense every time and aughghgh—
NOTE 3: This action isn't a part of the original raw. I added it to express the cruelty of the moment. I feel so bad for the guy :( I love how Showtaro makes this episode so evil and really shows how fucked up the World Empire and the Modern Guns are. This isn't even the worst of it!
Love☆One - Episode 3
The Spy Saw It! ~Good Brothers!?~
~Scene Begins in Outside World Empire ~
Love☆One: “Hmm…? Afu! I can't seem to get the shell casing off~ Like-tan’s gone to report to that guy… Oh!”
Eins: “Hmm…? Love☆One?”
Love☆One: “Oh! Ein-chin! Good job on your mission☆”
Eins: “Hey man. What are you doing here?”
Love☆One: “Well, the shell casing got stuck in the chamber and I can't get it out at all! I'm jamming~ Fu!”
Eins: “Let me borrow it... Ah, it’s this guy. Which one...”
Eins: “...Hmph! Here, how about this?”
Love☆One: “Foo~! Ein-chin is really cool! Thank you!☆”
Eins: “Don't worry about this. More importantly, you're leaking blood from your gas mask. Are you okay?”
Eins: “If you're hurt, go to Master as soon as possible and get yourself fixed up.”
Love☆One: “Blood? Aah~ it's just a nosebleed, don't worry☆ I just splashed some when I got excited!”
Love☆One: “Like-tan will wipe it off soon!”
Love☆One: “I often get nosebleeds, so Like-tan carries around tissues for me! Fufu! My brother is so kind!”
Eins: “Oh… I see. You too must get along well.”
Eins: “I hope you two will continue to cooperate with us. If something happens, me and Fal will be there for you two.”
Love☆One: “Fu—! OK—! I'll be counting on you, Ein-chi~n!”
Eins: “Haha, good… oh, I’m keeping Fal waiting. See you.”
~Episode 3 Concluded~
Raws (No Translation)
ラブ★ワン — 第1話
諜報員は見た! ~ テンション爆上げ★~
~Scene Begins in Jail Cell~
ラブ★ワン:
“あ~ までだんまり決め込むわけ? いい加減面倒になってきちゃったよ。”
捕房:
“.....”
ラブ★ワン:
“ていうか君、話ちゃんと聞こえてるかい? その耳、いらないんなら撃っちゃおうかなぁ〜ん。”
ラブ★ワン:
“おいらあんまり器用じゃないし、 頭ごと吹っ飛ばしちゃうかもだけど... あははっ!”
ラブ★ワン:
“...ってことで、バイバ~イ★”
捕房:
“.....”
ラブ★ワン:
“ん~? ...あっふう! まーたジャムっちった★ 君、 ラッキーだった... ねえ。”
*PUNCH*
捕房:
“.....つ!!!”
ラブ★ワン:
“...あ、やべつ。 イラッとしてつい 思いっ切りぶん殴っちゃったよ。 おーい、生きてるう~?”
ラブ★ワン:
“あーあー、気絶しちった。 ...そこの君、あとはやっといて~。ヨロシク★”
兵士:
“はっ! かしこまりました!”
~Scenery Changes to World Empire Outside~
ラブ★ワン:
“フゥ! なーんか疲れちった。 おいらってばもしかして、 尋問ヘタだったりするのかねぇ?”
ラブ★ワン:
“戦利品はこの酒の小瓶だけだもんな~。 さーて、中身はなんだろな~。”
ラブ★ワン:
“ん? この香りは... スコッチか!”
ラブ★ワン:
“ナイスゥ~! ドブネズミのくせに 良いもん持ってんじゃ〜ん!”
ラブ★ワン:
“あーでも、酒飲むと余計に 鼻血出やすくなるんだよねぇ... ま、 今はライちんもいないしOKOK~!”
ラブ★ワン:
“いっただっきまーす ★”
*SWALLOW*
ラブ★ワン:
“ぷはっ! Ah...! Oh...! これだよこれ。 キクわぁ~。”
ラブ★ワン:
“うーん... 血の巡りが良くなってきたァ~! あ~今ならジャムらず撃ちまくれそうだわ。”
ラブ★ワン:
“そんじゃ、 いっちょ戦場行ってこよ~! ハイ! 撃って撃って撃って! 撃って、 フゥ~!!”
~Episode 1 Concluded~
ラブ★ワン — 第2話
諜報員は見た! ~優しいネズミ殺し~
~Scene Begins Inside World Empire~
ラブ★ワン:
“...おっ! 町長さん、 よく来てくれたね~。 おつおつ~★”
ラブ★ワン:
“いやぁ、急に呼び出しちゃって悪いね。 けっこー遠いし、 来るの大変だったっしょ?”
町長:
“い、いえ、この程度のこと... お呼びとあらばいつでも参りますので...”
ラブ★ワン:
“うんうん、君ってほんと真面目で頼りになるよね~。”
ラブ★ワン:
“で、本題だけど。 ...レジスタンスのドブネズミと、 コソコソ何やってんの?”
町長:
“え... はっ!? ご、誤解です! まさか私が、世界帝を裏切るような真似など...!”
ラブ★ワン:
“はいはい、ストップ。 白々しい言い訳なんか 聞きたくないんだよねぇ。”
ラブ★ワン:
“君が何してたかなんて、 とっくにお見通しなわけ。”
ラブ★ワン:
“え~、 食糧支援、基地の弱点に作戦予定の情報リーク...どれもこれもアウト!”
ラブ★ワン:
“ほい、証拠もこの通り。 お前、 真面目な割に詰めは甘いんだね。”
町長:
“ひっ...! も、申し訳ありません! ですが、私は彼らに脅されただけで...!”
ラブ★ワン:
“はい、それも嘘一。 とりあえずお前の家族、 今度公開処刑することになったから。”
町長:
“え...そんな、 嘘だ...”
ラブ★ワン:
“あは、残念。 おいらは正直でね~。 刑場はどこがいい? よーく見えるように、 お前の特等席も用意しとくけど。”
町長:
“や、やめてくれ! 家族は、家族だけは—っ!”
*KICK*
ラブ★ワン:
“えー? おイタに気付いたのがおいらで よかったって喜ぶとこっしょ?”
ラブ★ワン:
“これがアイちんだったらきっと、 町ごと潰して皆殺しだったんだからさ★ あーっはっはっは!”
~Episode 2 Concluded~
ラブ★ワン — 第3話
諜報員は見た! ~仲良し兄弟!?~
~Scene Begins in World Empire Outside~
ラブ★ワン:
“...ん~? あっふう! 薬莢なっかなか取れないねぇ〜。 ライたんは あの人んとこ報告行ってるし、 Oh...!”
アインス:
“ん...? ラブワンか。”
ラブ★ワン:
“おっ! アイち~ん! 任務お疲れい★”
アインス:
“おう、お疲れ。 こんなとこで何してるんだ?”
ラブ★ワン:
“それがさぁ、 薬莢が見事に薬室にハマッて全っ然取れないんだよねぇ〜。 ジャムには参っちゃうねぇ~。 フゥ!”
アインス:
“ちょっと貸してみろ... ああ、こいつだな。 どれ...”
アインス:
“…ふん! ほら、これでどうだ。”
ラブ★ワン:
“Foo~! アイちんマジカッケーっす! サンキュー★”
アインス:
“これくらい気にすんな。それよりガスマスクから 血が漏れてるじゃねえか。 大丈夫か?”
アインス:
“怪我したんなら、早めに マスターのところに行って治してもらえよ。”
ラブ★ワン:
“血? ああ~、ただの鼻血だから大丈夫★ テンション上がった拍子に スプラッシュしただけだよん!”
ラブ★ワン:
“そのうちライたんが拭いてくれるから へーきへーき!”
ラブ★ワン:
“ライたん、おいらがよく鼻血出すから ティッシュ持ち歩いてるんだってぇ! フゥ! 弟が優しい〜!”
アインス:
“ほう······そうなのか。 お前たち、 兄弟仲がいいんだな。”
アインス:
“これからも、ふたりで協力して頑張れよ。何かあったときは、俺やファルも力になるからな。”
ラブ★ワン:
“フゥー! OK—! 頼りにさせてもらうよ、アイちぃ〜ん!”
アインス:
“はは、いいぜ。 ...っと、ファルを待たせてるんだった。じゃあな”
~Episode 3 Concluded~
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My English is very bad, it's not my native language, but I'll continue to torture myself and those who will see it.
So it's just a notes of Hogwarts AU with rebirth and mostly ignoring The Silver Mask and The Golden Tower ('cause I hate how weak those books), just to remember.
The main characters a la The Reborn Trio: Call, Alex, Ravan. I don't have an explanation. I just love this idea.
They remember their past (Imho books 4 and 5 suck so I ignore some of those cringy moments/parts). It's like very old memories that matter, but not that much. After all, they have a new life from scratch in another magical world.
Call's character is pretty much the same, only he broke his leg as in jokes about "you were just dropped as a child" and Alastair doesn't really avoid wizards. He even sometimes had to appear in some wizards houses by invitation and it's 'cause Sarah is alive. Doesn't really matter – just a complete, happy family for my Call. That's how Ravan and Call met before they went to Hogwarts. Alex deliberately avoided the Hunts during that time.
Ravan will have a wild teenage period with hair coloring, quarrels and etc. The ambitions remain, but the priorities have changed. She's kind of knows everything about past, Idk T_T. Parents are shocked, Kimiya doesn't approve, Tamara approves, but doesn't show it so far. And no one, except for those three (well, Havok too) remembers a past life.
Alex is a complete mess, who has an adopted younger brother, Drew (son of a Death Eater Joseph Wallace, who is now in Azkaban), whom he keep away from their stepmother Anastasia, 'cause he suspects that she still supports Voldemort (the boy is a bit paranoid 'cause of all those coincidences in his past life). The same Alex that we recognized in the first two books, only more mentally balanced and with a sense of guilt. He is sincere with Call and Ravan, but knows he has to prove it.
Professor William Rufus the school's Alchemy Master. He took three young wizards with unique knowledge of elemental magic (simply 'cause it was convenient for experienced elemental mages to connect their knowledge with new magic – it’s more familiar) under his wing already in their first year. They were able to compete in their problematic nature with the future Golden Trio. Just a very tired Professor Rufus – not a moment's rest.
And Havoc is a cat. I'm serious.
Oh, and then there are adopted siblings Jasper and Celia. Yep.
And Aaron is just a happy Muggle from a complete, normal family, far away from all this magical shit. And one day he'll meet Tamara... Yes, post-this-piece-of-art Aaron/Tamara is right here.
And Call/Celia just because I re-read the first two books.
And... um... we-ell... Alex/Ravan. Don't even ask – I don't know, but this shit has been in my mind for years! I have to.
And I have no fucking explanation for how they all ended up in another world.
Because if the authors didn't care about the OOC and the shitty plot, why should I give a fuck?
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7/2/2019...
Welp, it's that time again, another night to just type what I feel, I didn't think of it much but now I'm being eaten by my own self again, overthinking on how akward I really am, man, I don't see myself fitting in right with anything, but I wouldn't disagree on fitting right in with a straight jacket...
What I'm trying to say is as time rolls by, I noticed I'm becoming more and more out of it to the point where I just can't seem to keep myself stable, and then I just lay there, thinking, and thinking, but of what is the question, one minute, I have a thought, the next minute it's jumbled and corrupt, filled with flaws I can't fix, sometimes I still wonder what would have happened if I disclosed that note I wrote on my previous device on here, haha... All the entries I had are gone... Technology is amazing, but spend a decade and a half into it and you will just regress in some aspects, but you will also grow in some aspects... Idk, I take a deep breath, and it's all the same, all I'm getting is more air, but not enough sanity I guess, idk, it's all mumbo jumbo at this point... Probably not well mentally either...
Would that explain the awkwardness in some aspects? Maybe I should get evaluated, but then again I have no idea where to go to, or how to even keep talking for more then 5 minutes.... I get approached, someone wants to talk for a bit, and what can I offer, but my silence as I struggle to actually say anything...
In a year, if I were to take the words I speak, and string them to see exactly how much I spend talking, I estimate only about 2 1/2 weeks or less talking, and that's not very much talking...
I can't seem to tell either, but my voice gets so low most of the time, I just fade out, maybe I should have faded out long ago... I crossed through it back and forth, and yet I'm still alive...
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep ,yep yep, haha, I'm a fool....
I can't stay with someone for long, too oblivious, or just get cheated on, I'm kinda envious, but I try to fight it off, but envy is too much, and it lingers in the back of my mind...
I Seem to try to move on, but it's there, it will never leave, it is etched...
Why am I depriving myself of sleep, idk, I'm tired, and i can't fall asleep, my face feels wierd ... My heart irregularities seem to be going up a bit, I also feel light headed, maybe I should just close my eyes and see where that takes me, will I wake to see another day?
I honestly accepted that I don't live to see another day... I've been stuck in the same place for a while, apart from just fighting myself, I get bored easily, and just have a lack of motivation, I wonder where the flare, the motivation I had went...
Oh, that's right, some of the people I looked up to have their way of tearing me up, I'm so confused, how did I get here, I started on akwardness, and now I'm just here thinking on the two people who made an impact on me and just dropped me to the ground... Every person should have someone to look up too, I once desired to look up to someone, but now I don't, I also hope no one looks up to me at all either...
Maybe I should post this, maybe I shouldn't, it wouldn't change what I am, people can see, but can they change? Some, yes, others not so much, I, I'm unsure at this point, I just make blind moves, where am I going, where have I been, I don't know, maybe that's why I make all these alternate identitys... I get tired of making alternate identitys just to keep myself from losing it completely, but it's failing, traces of how I am begin to show in those identitys.... Turns, twists the slides of time sink beneath the sands in an oasis that can't be reached, it looks fun.... But it can't be touched, it's there, just like a collectible behind glass.... I'm kinda like that...
I live under a rock, stuck indoors 24/7, only places to go are a pizza joint, reds house, and the store.... I want to go to the beach one day.... I just want to breath without attacking myself, my fingers feel weird, my chest feels constricting... Maybe I should sleep....
Or maybe keep myself up longer and see where this goes, it's really unhealthy, but should do this more often, better then just suddenly saying something... To myself.
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I haven't been here a lot lately — and won’t be for some time — because the last couple of years were… Hard.
You know what’s bad about having close aged pets? They are getting old. And they die. And you have very little time to cope.
Tiger died in the middle of September. He lived with me longer than my parents. I’ve never had favorites. I love all my cats. But Tiger was special. He loved hugs. He slept on my pillow, on my neck, on my head, under the duvet. He was the cuddliest cat ever. Tactile, kind, he loved people and people loved him.
His passing was devastating, cause we at first went to a not so good vet. They misdiagnosed him. They insisted on prolonging treatment which wasn’t working. I felt like I was torturing him. He was in pain and I was giving him pills from which he was only more uncomfortable.
So I found another clinic where we got an accurate diagnoses. It was bad. I heard the confirmation: Tiger was suffering for nothing. There was nothing that could be done at this point. Euthanasia was a humane choice.
I thought I had some time to grieve before the next loss. But nope. Couple days later I noticed a lump on Locha’s jaw. And just like that all hopes are gone. Locha is 18,5 too. They were born in February 2004. Locha is the last one still alive. Last piece of my childhood family. I don’t know how to live without them. It just feels so damn wrong.
Locha is a special snowflake. He was skittish for the most of his life. Like yeah, human, you can try to pet me, but don’t you think I would sit on your lap. No-ope. You must prove yourself worthy of the honor of petting.
When he climbed on my lap for the first time I was so shocked and happy that I cried. Just a little, but cried anyway. And it wasn’t so long ago. Three or four years.
So after finding a lump we went to the vet. They sent us to an oncologist.
I was afraid that we may end up with money hunting again. I feared an oncologist would insist on an operation and biopsy (which is pricey and pointless in our situation).
Thanks fuck that wasn’t the case!
Oncologist was quite understanding. She pointed out that at his age removal of the lower jaw wasn’t reasonable. (It’s rather questionable at a younger age too imo. You can’t make your cat understand WHY they lost such an important part of their body.) And hence no removal you don’t really need to put him through biopsy.
We decided to go with supportive therapy. He’s eating on his own, he’s drinking. He wants his petting sessions. He is still his grumpy old self. Thinner than he was, but not that bad yet.
Only this damn tumor is growing too freaking quickly. He can’t eat solid food now. Only muss. And it’s getting much more complicated with pills. If the pill brushes the inner part of the tumor it starts to bleed. And yep. I have photos and it looks rather creepy if you ask me.
I have no idea how long he’ll survive like this. It’s not something anyone can predict or guarantee. I just know that he has less than a year. Maybe even less than a month. And there is nothing more I can do. Only to let him go when the time comes.
So… I’m a mess. I am tired. I lost two of my cats in 2019, I lost my dog in 2020, Tiger and Tiny got ill in 2021, I lost Tiger in September. And I’ll soon lose Locha. Next year, if we are lucky but soon nevertheless. It’s inevitable. And I’m just falling to pieces. This is too much.
(Cherry on the top — i got into fight with both mom and dad and they told me that I'm no longer a daughter to them. And told to go fuck myself, so yeah. Healthy family.)
I’ll return when I’ll feel more like a human than a pile of shit.
Locha being cute, instead of grumpy
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this boi can fit so much sadness...
#the arcana#julian the arcana#julian devorak#ilya devorak#the arcana fanart#the arcana art#julian devorak art#julian devorak fanart#my art#yep I'm still alive.... just very much tired#i need to go on vacation
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Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1
Moodboard by @quantumlocked310
Ivarello’s masterpost here
A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖
A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂
A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩
In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.
Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!
Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊
Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.
Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.
Words: 1806
Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.
Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂
🛡⚔️🛡
June 2021
Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"
Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"
Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.
"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.
When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"
He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.
"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."
His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"
The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.
Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.
He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.
"What are you going to wear?"
"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"
"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."
"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"
For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.
Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.
First, his stepmom is not–
Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.
Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.
So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.
Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.
The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.
Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.
Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.
Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.
Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.
Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.
Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.
And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.
Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.
So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.
Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.
So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.
But... Yes, there's a but...
Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.
Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.
Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.
Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.
Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.
And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.
That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.
But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.
And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.
"I can't wait."
"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."
"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"
"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."
"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"
Wait. His mind goes blank.
Fuck.
What? Did he hear right?
As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.
Fuck.
He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.
Fuck.
When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"
Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"
"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"
Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"
But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.
I'll go! I'll fucking go!
He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.
With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."
He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"
Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"
Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?
Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."
With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.
Y/N. Fuck.
🛡⚔️🛡
Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom
Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings
#ivar#modern ivar#modern!ivar#modern-ivar#modern ivar x reader#modern!ivar x reader#ivar x reader#ivar the boneless#ivar ragnarsson#ivar imagine#ivar fic#ivar fanfic#ivar fanfiction#ivar vikings#vikings ivar#cherrypie’s500#fairytale retelling#ivarello
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"I Will Not!"
Jimin x You
"How on earth did we end up with so much stuff?" you ask as you study the stacks in front of you.
Your brand-new husband comes up behind you, snaking his arm around your waist and kissing your cheek. "Because people love us," he says with a grin.
You laugh. "People love you."
Jimin frowns and pulls you into his arms more securely. "People love us."
You twist around to look at him. "Okay, okay," you agree, leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose. "You're right. You win. Everyone adores us."
"Very good." He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and smiles suddenly.
"...What?"
He shakes his head slightly. "Nothing. You're just beautiful. Like always. Except now..." his grin turns cheeky. "You're officially my beautiful girl.
"Yep," you agree, feeling your heart pound a little. "I am." Pushing back a step, you pretend to smooth out your gray hoodie. "I think I should've just married you in this, though." Tired of being in your gorgeous, expensive wedding dress, you'd changed into a hoodie and sweats as soon as the last guests had left---though you'd kept your hair in its beautiful, curled updo.
He shrugs, still grinning. "Whatever you think, babygirl. Do you wanna do it over again?" He reaches for your hand. "We can do it right now, if you want. Just like this."
You study him; unlike you, he was still in his tux pants and button-down shirt---though you'd taken the liberty of having him undo several of the top buttons. "Hmm...." you pretend to think. "No one's here to perform the ceremony." But you still take his hand, unable to stifle the delighted giggle as he pulls you into him suddenly.
"That's all right." He takes both of your hands in his, mimicking the stance the two of you had taken earlier that day. "Do you take me to be your husband?"
Even though it's a joke, you feel your heart go all squishy at the question. "Absolutely. I'll take you forever." You barely finish your sentence before he's pressing a kiss to your lips. "Hey," you say when you break apart, "That part's not supposed to happen yet!"
"Okay okay okay." He straightens, holding your hands in chaste position again, though there's still that twinkle in his eye. "Do I take you to be my intelligent, beautiful, wonderful, amazing wife?" He pauses.
"Well? Do you?" you prompt.
"I do," he says softly, and the gentle determination in his voice takes your breath away. "I'm the luckiest man alive, of course I do." He starts to lean in again, but you interrupt him.
"We now pronounce each other husband and wife!" You drop his hands, reaching instead to wrap your arms around his waist. "Kiss me!"
He obliges, taking your face gently in his hands before taking your breath away.
This time when you break away, he rests his forehead against yours, eyes still closed, and whispers, "I love you."
"I love you too, Jiminie," you say, opening your eyes to get a sneak peek of him, this wonderful, gorgeous man who was now yours forever. You stay there a moment longer, before reaching out to kiss his cheek. "Now. We'd better get all of this out of here..."
He sighs, but pulls back and nods. "You're right." Eying the stuff again, he says, "I think we can get this done in two trips."
After the first trip out to your car, you realize he's right, so as you carry out the second round of boxes, you pause for a moment to thank the staff for their hard work. As you turn to go, one of them says smilingly, "Have a wonderful evening, you blessed newlyweds!"
As soon as you're outside, you turn to look at Jimin. "We're married. I can't get over that."
He laughs giddily. "Yes, we are. We're married." Suddenly overcome, he tips his head back and says it again, this time at the top of his lungs. "We're married!"
You laugh, caught off guard by his sudden outburst, but he wasn't done.
"I got married to the most beautiful woman in the universe," he's going on, still carrying the boxes tot he car. "I love her, I love her, I love her!"
You reach the car first, shoving the boxes in before you drop them from laughing so hard. "Shh!" you manage, reaching out for him. "It's late!"
"I don't care! I have the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful wife!" he continues at the same volume.
Before you have a chance, someone down the street is suddenly yelling back, telling your husband to shut up.
His grin grows even bigger as he put his boxes in the car and turns on his heel to yell out again: "I will not!" He grabs your hand, pulling you to him. "She's my wife and the whole world should know it!"
Seeing no other option, you lean up and kiss him, closing the car door as you do. "All right, all right," you say when you release him. "I think they get it. Let's go home now!"
He nods, but you catch that glint in his eye again and reach out to catch his chin in your hand.
"Come on, Mr. Park," you say, smiling a little. "Your wife is tired."
It works like magic. He brushes a strand of your hair back and kisses your forehead. "Let's go home, my lovely bride."
He opens your door and shuts it behind you. You watch him carefully as he walks around the hood of the car, relieved when he makes it to the driver's door without incident. He opens the door, climbs in, starts the car---and then, before you can stop him, rolls down his window and yells again: "I'M MARRIED!!!!"
You can't even be that mad.
#bts imagines#bts scenarios#bts clean imagines#bts#non-smut#apriori sea requests#apriori sea imagines#wedding night series#bts imagine jimin#jimin#jiminie#requests#i will not
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I could have but I didn't- Pt. 1
Pairing: Bucky x Reader; Loki x Reader
Summary: You have always had these powers but you never realised how, until one day you finally do and it changes everything in your life, your friends, your love, no one trusts you anymore, except one person who you never thought would be your only remaining friend, even in your nightmares.
A/N: I'm not sure about this one even yet, let's say my brain's a bit messed up so I made a mixture of the shows I'm currently watching, and some of my own shit of everyday life reflect in this story. I would really love if you can share your feedback!
___
Tony was at MIT for a summit when he saw you for the first time, your fists were clenched and you were basically digging into them with your nails, as tony stepped near you he felt a weird kind of happiness, it was like all of a sudden he was cheerful, as if all the worries in his life were gone.
"Can I have a regular Latte please?", you recognised the voice in a matter of seconds, even if it wasn't one of the voices you heard everyday, it was Tony Stark, standing right beside you. You got pulled away from your state of mind as soon as his voice reached your ears.
All the stress from Tony's life suddenly crept back in, you could see it on his face, in his eyes mainly, he looked exhausted. He knew something was going on but he wasn't sure. He shot you a look that very much looked like "May I sit here?" and you just nodded in response.
"How did you do that?", Tony said as a stroke of light, more like a shiny wave passed in his eyes.
"Do what?", you said rolling your eyes.
"You know what you did and I know too... I've seen mind control before but this is different."
"Really? Mind control? C'mon Mr. Stark, why would I wanna do mind control?"
"You know me, good. So what was it?", He asked, you could see the curiosity in his eyes.
"It was nothing... Really"
"You know who I am right?"
"Yepp! Destroyed the whole Sokovia, fought the creepy aliens that entered New York, you are Tony Stark, or should I say Iron Man?"
"I see you don't really like me then," he said, taking a huge gulp of the coffee that just arrived on your table.
You look at him, your eyes trying to read his face but you can only see one thing, that he's tired, sleepy maybe.
"You see that kid over there," you say as you move your eyes to the table on the far left corner, "Yep, that one, he's a first year, the day attack in Sokovia happened, he was shifting to his dorm room with his brother and guess what? Now they are the only alive people in the family."
"That girl over there, she was raised in a foster care and promised that as soon as she gets a job she'll donate money regularly to the facility. The facility was in Sokovia," you took a deep breath as you tilted your head towards another table.
"That one, his father was at the meeting ratifying the Sokovian Accords at the Vienna International Center, where king T'chaka died and so did his father."
"But she's a girl," Tony said as he raised an eyebrow.
"Oh I know, but his pronouns are he/him"
"I'm sorry kiddo. I really am, I never meant for this damage to happen. Also, I really like how everyone is now allowed to choose their pronouns and you are supporting them."
"Thanks Mr. Stark. And no I don't really blame you, I mean I know Ultron was your fault but I know you had good intentions, I just told you all this because that's a part of what I was doing," you tell Tony as you shake your head. He shoots you a confused but sorry look and for a second you don't realise you are supposed to speak now.
You take a deep breath and say, "I was trying to make them feel better but I still have difficulty focusing."
"So you mean....?" You could see it in his eyes, Tony was confused, still.
"Yea it's weird but I can.. I can make people feel things."
"Like wanda does?"
"No! She can make you see things I can make you feel, like..." you say as you close your eyes.
"I.. I'm...", you hear Tony's trembling voice and you open your eyes again.
"Yea, sorry for that. It's good if I do it on one person because I can focus..."
"I was scared of you, that was, that was..."
"Terrifying?... I know," you move your sight towards the ground.
"That's what I do, I can make anyone feel anything."
You and Tony talk for a bit, he asks you some stuff and you answer because it's the first time ever that you tell someone about your powers, and it's kind of comforting, sharing with someone else and not just keeping it to you anymore, it's relaxing.
"Why don't you do one thing kiddo? You come with me to the Avengers compound. I think I can help you with your focusing situation."
"You think so?"
After a few minutes Tony tells you he has to leave but he has to be in Massachusetts again on the weekend and would really like it if you could come visit the Avengers compound for once, you agree on the weekend plan and head back to your room.
~SATURDAY~
Tony texts you the address from where he can pick you up, you both get into a car which drives you straight to a Stark jet.
"Are we really going there?", you ask with glittering eyes.
"I can use a bit of your talent," Tony says as he curves his lips into a small smile.
You both get into the jet and Tony says that you can let him know if you need anything.
"I don't really know since when can I do this but the first time I did this was kinda, well a bit messed up," you answer Tony in response to his "When did you find out?" question.
"You wanna talk about it?," Tony asks as he raises his eyes above the floor.
"Yea! Sure... Um... So I was on a crime scene. I completely forgot to tell you my name is y/n y/l/n.. my dad is in NOLA PD."
"So you are from New Orleans?"
"No not exactly! My family is from (y/c) but my dad and mum shifted here before they got married. My mum's a writer for the local newspaper in the city."
"That sounds good.", Tony was still really curious, according to his eyes, his questions weren't gonna stop anytime soon.
"When I realised my powers the first time, I was on a crime scene, Blood all over the car, it wasn't just a normal accident, it was done for property, by that man's own brother," you tell him as your eyes move down towards the base of the jet.
"While I was standing there I thought his brother's a good man, I was watching him, all sobby, walking around, more like pacing, and I just had this urge for whoever did this to admit that they are guilty, the next thing I knew the man was confessing what he really did and he said, "You, it was you, you made me do this, I'll come for you one day!"
Your eyes move back to Tony's eyes and you say, "I was pretty confused about the fact that what did I even do? I realised that when I want someone to feel someway that actually happens, like if I want someone to apologise when it wasn't a big deal... b.. but they did, apologise, and there was no way they could have apologised for something like that."
"So you can make people do things too?", Tony asks.
"No I just make them feel things then they decide what to do for themselves," you say with a sigh.
__
After a few hours you land on the roof of the Avengers compound, "C'mon let's get you a room."
You follow Tony as he walks inside the compound and stops for a moment, "You wanna meet everyone first?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, as much as I'd love to meet everyone, I'd say, I wanna know about the focus thing more," your insecure self starts creeping back in, your social battery's going low and you know it, as much as you wanna meet the amazing people who live here, you aren't sure about that anymore.
"Okay then," tony reads your face and starts walking downstairs, "Take that room, it's empty. Meet me in the lab in one hour alright?", He says as he starts walking down the stairs.
"But I don't know where it is sir?"
Tony stops and walks a few steps back, then says-
"Call me Stark or Tony, and FRIDAY", he calls the AI, "later on, guide Ms. Y/L/N to the lab. Just ask him when you leave."
You freshen up. The room's preety cozy, there's some nice sunlight coming in from the windows, you sure as hell don't see that much sunlight in your dormitory. After an hour, feeling a bit weird calling an AI you say, "FRIDAY? Can you tell me where the lab is?"
You follow FRIDAY'S instructions and enter into a room which is full of science equipments, books and well, some iron man posters and paintings which makes you sure that this is Tony's lab.
You notice that Tony is already there. He tells you that when Bucky came back from Wakanda, he still needed time alone sometimes, and he didn't really like Bucky after knowing that he killed his parents but Steve made him see how Bucky wasn't Bucky when that happened, so he decided to make him a meditation room which is apparently in the lab, it was a small bunker kind of room, filled with natural smells and a light voice of birds' chirping reached your ears.
"Well this sure feels like peace," you said as you entered the bunker.
"Yea most of us use this now, when the missions get the best of us and you will have to visit Dr. Strange, I called him today, didn't really tell him why I wanted to meet but he said we can go next week. I think he might be able to help you."
"What about Wanda? Can't she help me?"
"See, she took a lot of time herself to start controlling her powers, in your case, we don't even know their source. The only person capable of telling us the source is Stephen and you can practice your powers here in this room, we'll just have to convince someone to sit with you in here,"he says as you both step out of the room.
"What do you mean?", you raise an eyebrow.
"I mean," he shows you a machine, "this instrument can make a precise calculation of your feelings based on your heart rate, we'll start with one person in the chamber, and we'll increase the number of people when you start thinking it works."
"Sounds like a plan."
You hear some voices down the stairs and look towards the door.
"I better go check up on them, I'll be back in a few, ofcourse you can come along if you want to or explore the lab, whatever you like."
"I think I'll be fine here," you pass a quick smile and Tony walks out of the lab.
You start going through all the equipments in the lab out of curiosity and you realise there's an mp3, you don't even know how old it is but you are pretty sure it's not recently manufactured, you look around, "Oh great no one's around, I can use you bud," you whisper to yourself as you put in a set of earphones.
Stark brings down everyone else so that he can introduce you to the others
When they enter, you are vibing to the amazing beats of "Feel so Close" by Calvin Harris and singing along.
"And there's no stopping us right n-", you are cut in between by the multiple number of eyes on you. You look down, a bit embarrassed by what just happened, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist myself, Calvin Harris."
"Oh I understand, don't know about the others though." you looked at the man standing in front of you, it was Sam, Sam Wilson. You pass him a thankful smile.
Tony starts telling them what happened in Massachusetts and introduces you as a most probable addition to the team, only if you approve.
"I'm sorry what- you want me to? Join the... Um.. Avengers?"
It was an obvious shock. It's not everyday that the Ironman asks you to join the Avengers.
"Well we'll welcome you here, if you want to," says Steve with a small curve on his lips.
You move your eyes to bucky, who is standing right next to Steve and his eyes look like, remus lupin.. ?! Uh no what the hell y/n! This is the real world, stop comparing him to fictional characters!! His eyes look more tired and drained than anyone else in the whole room, steve on the other hand, looks tired, as you are scanning the faces around you, Natasha says, "Well what are you thinking about?"
"Um.... Nothing I- I'd love to be here, but I haven't completed my engineering yet Mr. Stark"
"Firstly, call me Tony or just Stark."
"Yea you aren't as small as Peter, congrats Tony, you didn't bring a kid this time," you can hear the sarcasm in Thor's voice, he was standing out differently than the rest of the others, long blonde hair and a perfectly structured body, after all, he's a god.
"Really Thor?," Tony couldn't help but roll his eyes. "We can talk about your engineering with the trustees, that always helpd. Me and Bruce can teach you or you can go back if you want to."
Your phone starts ringing, "Sorry everyone, I gotta take this."
You come back after a few minutes.
"Umm... Mr. Stark I think I would need to talk to my dad about that."
"You aren't 18 yet?"
"Oh no, no no that's not what I meant, I just need his advice here."
"No problem take your time, we don't want you to quit your studies to be here. Why don't you go out with Wanda and take a walk in the city?"
"That's a good idea."
"Wanda you doing something right now, if not why don't you give Y/N a quick tour around?" Tony asks Wanda as you walk towards everyone else.
"Well, as much as I would love that, your wife will be keeping most of us busy today."
"Guess I should have known that", Tony says with a chuckle.
"I'm free, I can take her if she likes that," comes a deep voice from the other side of the room, it was Bucky.
"That's great, take her to your usual place Buck, she'd love that," says Steve as he shoots you a wink.
"Oh I'd love to do that but honestly today was too much travelling, I don't think I wanna go out today, how about tomorrow?"
"You didn't tell her yet?," Said Natasha in a surprised voice.
"I might have forgotten that, so Y/N tomorrow's my bday and my wife, well, all of them are throwing me a party and I'd really love it if you could join us," says Tony.
"That's amazing! I'll be there. Let me know if I can be useful in anyway."
"We are going to be fine, why don't you get some rest sweety? Otherwise you won't be able to enjoy tomorrow," Pepper says as she enters the lab, as you assume, to take the others with her.
"Thank you."
Most of them start heading to their rooms possibly because they were tired after today's mission.
"See you in the morning Y/N, good night," Bucky says in the corner of your ears, sending chills down your spine but holy hell he was actually looking really cute as he walked past you.
"Good night," you replied.
"Pick up something nice to wear tomorrow Y/N," you tell yourself.
• • •
So what do you think is gonna happen at the party? And Tony hasn't really told everyone Y/N power yet so that's that...
I'm pretty new to the whole writing thing so please let me know if I should have mentioned some warnings in this part... Let me know if you wanna be reminded when I post the next part ;)
Next part
#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader#loki x y/n#loki x reader#tony stark#steve rogers#avengers#mcu#marvel#natasha romanoff#wandavision#bucky imagine#bucky fanfic#bucky x female reader#bucky x you#james buchanan barnes#the avengers#loki odinson#loki laufeyson
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I'm not the requester but! I loved the American!Reader Hc's! And it made me think. (my grandparents lived in a similar place) When a tractor's tire's wore down too much to use safely on a tractor, my grandfather would let us play with it... 'play' as in, you climb inside and roll down a hill in the tire. How would they react to the reader doing it, and who would do it themselves! Please, and Thanks very much sweetheart!
This sounds awesome, and I laughed out loud reading this!
Jonathan
“So, you get in? My dear is that comfortable?”
“Sure, go ahead and roll me.”
“Roll? You’ll go down the hill.”
“Yes.”
“That’s what you want?”
“Yes. Now push me, Jojo.”
“O-okay.” he winces and lightly rolls you onto the incline
You begin to spin faster and faster, and he can’t help but chase after you to ensure that you all right.
He manages to get in front of you and stop you, which unintentionally gives you whiplash
“Oh, my. You were going so fast! Are you alright?”
You slide down the angle of the tired and just giggle, “Again.”
Joseph
“Okay, so I roll you, and you go down the hill at some crazy-ass speeds?”
“Yep.”
“Let’s do this.” He pushes pretty hard and watches you go sailing down the hill spinning wildly as you go
“Yeah, baby!” He fist pumps and runs down the hill to catch up where you stop
When you get down you feel nauseous and dizzy as hell.
“What was it like?” He sticks his head in.
“Awesome.” You say, your head still spinning.
“Okay, then it’s my turn!”
You stumble out and he carries the huge tire with one arm like a pool floatie and races up the hill to try it out.
Jotaro
“This is a terrible idea.”
“Heh, I know.”
“I’m pushing you down the hill?”
“Unless you’re not man enough to do it.”
“ORA!”
You aren’t even rolling, you’re spinning and bumping along just a little above the ground. Everything is a blur.
When you get to the bottom you squint and gag from dizziness.
“Yare yare, had enough?”
You can’t focus on his face but you duck your head out to retch.
“Nope,” You wipe your mouth, ”Your turn, big guy.”
Josuke
“Wow, this sounds really unsafe.”
“Don’t worry, CD will heal me if anything happens, now roll me!”
“Alright, babe.” He hesitantly pushes you down the hill
You go round and round down the hill, he can see your face pop in and out of view while he runs alongside you
You end turning a bit and going into a patch of gravel and make some strange noises while bumping over rocks, to which he laughs.
When you finally stop, he leans up against you, “Oh, my god. That was great. You wanna go again?”
You blink, hard and raise up your thumb, “Totally.”
Giorno
“Cara, this looks dangerous.”
“Nah. I did this all the time when I was younger, now push me.”
When he pushes you he expects for you to bail, but you stay in and go at crazy speeds down the hill.
He notices something though, you are at a point in the hill where there is a rock.
He is near a tree and uses Golden Experience to grow them up the rock ahead of you and push you away from the danger.
You get pushed away and end up landing in a small stream.
As you laugh and try to bail the water out of the tire, he catches up, “This was a terrible idea.”
“Yeah, it was when I was younger too.”
“It’s a miracle that you’re still alive.”
#jonathan joestar#jonathan x reader#jonathan joestar x reader#Joseph Joestar#joseph x reader#joseph joestar x reader#Jotaro#Jotaro Kujo#jojo jotaro#jjba jotaro#jotaro x reader#Josuke#josuke 4#Josuke Higashitaka#I LOVE JOSUKE#josuke higashikata x reader#josuke x reader#giorno#Giorno Giovanna#giorno x reader
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Natasha Romanoff x Reader #2
Part 2
Words:1,448
Warnings: Angst
Notes:
Part 2...I wasn’t going to do this. I did it anyways. Sorry for any spelling mistakes and for bad writing. This is another one of the pieces I made while trying to get over my dislike for my writing :)
Part 1:
————
“I’m tired of hurting others,” sixteen year old Natasha admits, eyes on the stars above. “When we get out of here...do you think we could be people who save?”
You turn towards Natasha, giving her your full attention. She’s been closed off and angry at the world more than usual lately...you’re glad she’s being open with you again though, so you give yourself time to think about your response.
“That’s you, Nat. I’m not like you,” you mumble. She glances down, then over at you. “You have the biggest heart out of everyone I've ever met. But me...i’ve always just longed for normal.”
Natasha tilts her head at that, bringing her eyebrows together, “normal?”
You nod, laughing at the expression on her face. “I want to live in a city with a job I hate half the time, in some stupid apartment with the loudest neighbors,” you explain.
“That doesn’t sound very nice.”
“It will be,” you assure her. “Because I'll have friends I consider family, and when you’re done saving the world I'll have you to come home to.”
Natasha studies the smile on your face and only sees your hope, but she’s never really been as optimistic as you. “You really think we’ll have that?” She asks quietly, and everything in her voice is begging you to say yes...because even though she’s not as optimistic as you, your hope is the only thing she feels is keeping her afloat.
“Yep. I should warn you...I plan on giving you the world, Nat.” You pause, frowning. “Well, maybe not the world, but everything you want.”
“Everything?” Nat teases, looking back up at the stars to try and prevent her tears from falling, because the future you painted is suddenly all she wants. “With your job you hate?”
You roll your eyes fondly. “Yes Nat, with the job I hate.”
The look she gives you is all love when she pulls you into her side and whispers, “I already have everything I could ever want right here.”
“Yeah right,” you scoff, shoving her away playfully and trying to hush her when she laughs too loudly. You don’t want to get caught. “Natasha, you want more than anyone. You want everything.”
And yeah, that may be true, but with you she has all she’ll ever need...If she has you, despite everything going on, she’s sure she’ll be alright. Natasha doesn’t tell you that though, instead she feigns thinking and says;
“Now that you mention it...I think I’d want to travel the world,” when you raise an eyebrow Nat continues, “Not as assassins but as tourists. Once saving the world gets too exhausting, and your desk job gets boring.”
“God. I can’t wait for the day when I'm a tourist with you. We’re going to be disgusting.”
“We’re going to be happy.”
——
“Natasha!” Steve shouts, pulling Nat right out of her dream and into the real world.
The world where you no longer exist.
She wants to go back to sleep already.
“Nat, you’re still having the dreams?” Steve asks, concern lining his features. “We thought they were gone.”
She’s not having ‘the dreams’. After four months the dreams filled with loud explosions and piercing screams stopped. Now she only dreams of stars, and late night confessions. Now she only dreams of teasing smiles, and promises.
Now she only dreams of wants that aren’t able to come true. Her wants, and yours.
And yeah, it’s worse than the explosions.
Steve doesn’t understand. None of the Avengers do. They didn’t know you, they can’t grieve you. They can’t understand her hurt. They don’t know how many firsts you consist of. They don’t know you’re the first person to ever care for her, and the first person to ever love her.
They don’t know that you’re her hope. That you’ve always been, and without you she’s just...lost.
She’s so lost.
“Are you okay?” Steve asks, grimacing when he realizes how stupid the question is. “Don’t answer that. Just...do you think you’ll be able to train today?”
Natasha nods, harshly rubbing away her tears. Her friends have seen her cry enough for a lifetime these past six months.
She’s tired, but she has to get up. Just for a bit.
——
“I didn’t know we had a new recruit coming in,” Natasha says, eyeing the new person suspiciously.
She really doesn’t want some stranger around the compound. She can’t be pleasant company anymore. Not that she ever really was.
When the stranger stiffens and doesn’t respond Natasha doesn’t know what to do. “What’s with the motorcycle helmet?” She asks, trying to fill the silence.
‘Can’t we just fight?’ The stranger signs.
Natasha is only surprised at the sign language for a moment before she shrugs it off and heads towards the mat. “Do you need me to sign too, or can you hear me?”
‘You can talk.’
“Okay,” Natasha nods, gesturing towards the other end of the mat. “If you even manage to knock me down i’ll give you twenty bucks.”
———-
When Natasha’s sucking in breaths and rubbing around her throat not four minutes later she’s shocked for more than one reason.
Because when the stranger gets off of her and says, with her voice; “God, Nat, I swear you weren’t this bad six months ago. What happened to you?” Natasha can’t really move.
She can’t even really breathe when the new recruit takes off her helmet and reveals someone Natasha never thought she’d be able to see again. “Y/N?”
“Hi.”
And Natasha’s sobbing now, in the middle of the mat with a smug Tony watching, and a confused Steve, and the rest of the amused Avengers.
But all she can really see is you.
You look hesitant, and emotional, but you.
You laughing when Natasha stutters out a “how?” Between her sobs.
You.
“Well Natasha, it wasn’t really that hard to beat you. Do you really want your pointers now?” You ask, smiling that soft smile she’s always loved.
“How are you alive?” Natasha asks, trembling and reaching out a hand. You meet her half way, intertwining Nats fingers with yours and closing your eyes in bliss when Natasha lets out a disbelieving laugh that half sounds like a sob.
“I jumped out a window and got lucky,” you mumble. “I couldn’t make it to the bottom floor in time, I knew that, and I knew my one real chance was the window exit.”
Natasha shakes her head, “but...the explosion still would have killed you, even if you managed to not die from the jump.”
Your expression turns bitter and dark. Haunted. And Natasha wonders why she’s even asking. She doesn’t care, because you’re here and all of that other stuff can be talked about later.
“Oh my god. You’re alive,” Natasha breathes out, effectively pulling you from your memories.
“You really missed me, huh?”
She doesn’t know how you can sound so disbelieving at the thought of Natasha missing you, because really, ‘missing’ doesn’t even feel like a big enough word.
“I was dying,” Natasha sobs, pulling you into a hug. Finally. Finally.
“Me too,” you admit, and though you can’t really imagine what Natasha felt like thinking you were dead...the past six months have been the worst of your life also. And yeah, you were dying too. Literally and figuratively.
Natasha feels like she can finally breathe after six months, and you feel like you can finally breathe after four years.
“I’m free, Nat,” you whisper to her, voice wobbly. Natasha clutches you tighter. “I can finally have my fucking desk job.”
“And we have the loud neighbors you’ve always wanted.”
Natasha starts pressing kisses over her face when she notices your shaking shoulder, and she doesn’t care how ridiculous she looks doing it with her own shakiness.
“I love you, Nat. I love you so much. And I'm sorry for taking so long to come back to you,” you force out, closing your eyes in a faulty attempt of trying to get the tears to stop.
All Natasha feels is love. Overwhelming love battling with relief.
“I’m sorry you ever had to search.”
You laugh, wondering when the two of you are ever going to have more than apologies to offer to each other. “Does this mean I can finally give you the world?” You ask, wanting to.
“God, Y/N, you already have.”
And maybe, besides apologies, you two will always have love to offer too.
“But you still want, right?”
“Yeah,” Natasha agrees, dazed. “I still want.”
She wonders why all of her wants suddenly involve you besides her.
“Good, because I do too.”
#natasha romonova#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff#black widow x y/n#nat x reader#black widow x you#black widow x reader#black widow#marvel x female reader#marvel x y/n#marvel x you#marvel x reader#fem reader#natasha x you#natasha x y/n#marvel
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