#yes I am fuelled by jealousy

[earthtooz]

x : NOT JEALOUS ! :*+ﾟ

in which: alhaitham isn't jealous, he doesn't get jealous, so what is this suffocating feeling in his chest that only happens when you're talking to another man that isn't him?

warnings: 5.4k words, jealous!alhaitham x gn!reader who has loads of rizz, university!au, fluff with angst but happy ending, pining!alhaitham who doesn't realise that he loves you, kaveh is there, mention of cyno, ooc at some bits?, swearing, alhaitham is a little bit of an asshole at some parts sawry. he's bad with feelings.

a/n: inspired by @danijaci's jealous jealous boy comic with alhaitham! hi dani if you're reading this pls don't perceive me... hides... but i hope you all like it :,)

Alhaitham isn’t jealous. 

The uncomfortable feeling obstructing itself in his throat is just because he’s beginning to develop a sore throat- that’s all. It is flu season after all, who knows what kind of bacteria are in the air? Ones capable of lathing an uncomfortable oil that burns inside his chest, the smog crowding its way into his heart, sickening him to his core as Alhaitham can’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation happening beside him.

“I’m free friday,” a voice besides you confirms.

“Okay!” you cheer, sounding a little too happy for Alhaitham’s liking. After all, it’s 9 am, who has this much energy in the morning? “lets do Friday then!”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you then. Bye Y/n.”

“Bye, see you!” Alhaitham watches from the corner of his eye as you wave to the random stranger you’ve decided to associate yourself with before finally taking the seat beside him with a sigh. 

He doesn’t say anything to you, feeling your eyes glance at him expectantly as he stares stubbornly at the lecture board instead of acknowledging you or the jumble of feelings clogging up his diaphragm. 

“Hello, you,” You lean over slightly, careful to not invade his personal space whilst waving at him, hoping to catch his attention. He glances at you, nodding in greeting before returning to his book, the pages and rows of words only fuelling his unease he suddenly felt. He doesn’t even know where he left off, the book’s events a blur in Alhaitham’s mind.

How bothersome. What’s happening to him?

“Talkative today, aren’t you?” Your tone is playful despite his cold attitude and Alhaitham sneaks another look in your direction, noting the way your lips curve upwards. “So, how are you?” 

“I’m fine,” he murmurs, inserting a bookmark between the pages before slamming it shut, an indicator that you could keep conversing with him.

“Cool.” You tap your nails on the desks of the lecture hall. “Oh, I finished my essay the other day.”

“The one for your elective?”

You hum in agreement, “I hope I never get it back. Submitted it ten minutes before the due date.”

“You know you wouldn’t have been stressed over it if you just started it earlier-”

“I know, I know,” you huff, “spare your productivity lectures for another time, I’ll be needing them later in the semester.” The grey-haired shakes his head as you laugh, but his gaze returns to the front cover of his book as he solemnly thinks about the interaction you had with another man, right in front of him. 

(What right did he have to see you smiling so earnestly like that?)

“Who was that?” Alhaitham coughs out, barely choking down his pride in time to make space for the question.

You murmur some guy’s name that he doesn’t bother to remember. “He’s a friend of mine in the same discussion group for this course and we decided to do the assignment together. He bumped into me on the way in so we were just planning when to meet to do the research.”

“Oh.” Your answer doesn’t calm the churning in Alhaitham’s gut. Not even one bit, in fact, it makes it worse. 

But it’s not jealousy, Alhaitham doesn’t get jealous because he’s above petty feelings of inadequacy. He’s merely concerned for you, worried for your brainpower by the end of the project because your partner seems less-than-incompetent. If you’d picked someone like Alhaitham (or better yet, just picked Alhaitham), you would’ve aced the class without even blinking an eye. 

(The two of you are friends, so why didn’t you pick him? It’s literally been proven that the two of you are compatible working together since you were both executives of Sumeru’s Cultural Society, and amidst all of the activities the club has run, you’ve collaborated many times to make each event run flawlessly. So why not him? Why would you pick another man over him?)

“You know you could have picked me, I wouldn’t mind working on the assignment with you,” he grumbles, words soft but very clear.

Alhaitham misses the way your eyes widen in shock as apologies scramble out of your mouth. “I’m sorry! I automatically assumed that you wanted to work on it by yourself. Next time I’ll ask you.” 

The lecture begins before he could say anything in return and like a robot, he sets his thoughts aside and begins listening, notes document up and cursor blinking at the ready.

A mundane two hours pass by, one powerpoint slide after powerpoint slide before the lecture is finally over, much to your pleasure. Alhaitham notices the way you eagerly jump out of your seat to stretch, grabbing your bag. On the other hand, your grey-haired accomplice takes his time in packing up, forcing you to wait for him.

“Would you like to get some coffee before the meeting?” You ask.

“Sure, we can find a seat there and join it together,” he adds and you beam at him, expression bright and so enchanting that it makes him forget about all the perplexities he felt before the lecture. 

The two of you make your way to one of the many campus cafés where you practically wrestled Alhaitham to stop him from paying for both your orders (losing in the end) before sitting at a booth, your laptop set up with a pair of Alhaitham’s earphones shared between you. The meeting begins to fill up with almost all committee members, even Kaveh, who resides in his room of his and Alhaitham’s shared flat. Upon noticing him, you go to text him, with the grey-haired peeking over your shoulder from time to time to see your conversation- not that he cares that much.

(Perhaps if Kaveh glanced up from his phone, then he’d see how close Alhaitham had gotten with you, breaching the distance that he prefers to keep around others. He’d also notice the headphone sharing despite how he generally tends to keep them out of anyone else’s hands.)

You’re tasked with the role of taking notes for the meeting since Alhaitham, in your opinion, is not at all a reliable scribe. His notes tend to just include vital information and never what everyone else needs to know, yet each time you scold him for it, his unbothered expression never falters, waving your complaints off with a shrug. 

“Hey, Kaveh and I are going to go for lunch tomorrow after our classes. Care to join?” You ask, smiling at him hopefully as your messages with Kaveh sit open on your screen. Alhaitham doesn’t think twice before agreeing. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

“It looks like it’s about to rain,” you murmur, pulling out a chair as Alhaitham and Kaveh take their seats opposite you. 

“So it does,” Alhaitham notes, not caring to look too long out the window before returning his gaze to you. “You have an umbrella, right?”

“I, uh, didn’t think I needed one today.”

“Do you not check the weather before you leave?”

“Not everyone’s like you, Alhaitham.” Kaveh teases. “It’s no problem, Y/n, if it rains I can walk you back to your dorm.”

“Only if you are okay with it,” you insist, “I have no problem walking home in the rain. I love the rain.”

Alhaitham intervenes with a raise of his hand. “Nonsense, you’ll catch a cold. We’ll walk you home.”

A soft but genuine ‘thank you’ slips from your lips, neither of you wiser to the way Kaveh eyes his roommate suspiciously, not missing the use of ‘we’ in his sentence and the implications the collective pronoun has. For it meant that Alhaitham is willing to take precious time out of his day to perform an act for someone that he is not indebted to do. Not that Alhaitham is inherently selfish, per se, but he is a man of routine. He wakes up every morning and takes five minutes to scribble on his stupid whiteboard in the kitchen what he has to do for the day and strictly abides by it, not even straying two minutes off schedule.

Willingly volunteering his minutes? Kaveh finds that suspicious. 

“So, how’s your architecture assignment, Kaveh?” You ask, breaking the blond from his daze whilst Alhaitham pours glasses of water for the table, starting with your cup. 

“A nightmare,” he sighs, sinking into his chair. “I still have so much to do, you know my professor didn’t like my blueprint? How ridiculous! I hope that man steps in a puddle and wets his sock.”

The grey-haired pipes up with a remark. “I can’t wait for it to be done, our living room is a mess right now.” 

“Hey, I am the one that cleans that living room, thank you very much. Your bookshelf is still a mess even though I’ve asked you to clean it five times.”

“If it bothers you so much then why don’t you do it yourself?”

“I’m the only one who-”

“-I’m going to go to the bathroom,” you murmur, cutting the conversation before shuffling out of your chair, seemingly eager to do so.

Kaveh turns to the grey-haired again, “and you just scared away Y/n.”

“Sorry no one wants to hear about your architecture project.”

“Y/n literally asked, asshole.”

A rebuttal sits on the tip of Alhaitham’s tongue- as it always does when it comes to bickering with his roommate, but it dies out when an intruder comes to the table. “Excuse me, I hate to interrupt,” he begins, “but the person who just got up, is that your friend?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Oh, I just wanted to drop this off, mind passing it over for me?” The piece of paper he was holding lands in Kaveh’s hand. “Thanks, bro.” Is all he says before strolling away, out of sight but definitely not out of mind.

The blond does not hesitate to open it up, chuckling in amusement when reading the content. “’Hey you’re cute, here’s my number’ it says. What a bitch! You didn’t like his vibes either, right, Alhaitham?”

“Hold on, what does the note say?”

Grabbing (snatching) it from Kaveh, the grey-haired has half a mind to rip the note apart, a certain sense of distaste washing over him that intensifies the long he stares at the guy’s handwriting. His eye is twitching. Why is his eye twitching?

“Hey!” He hears Kaveh call. “Don’t scrunch it, that’s Y/n’s-“

Alhaitham stuffs the ball of paper into his bag where he’ll recycle it later even though something irrational within him tells him to burn it. “Y/n won’t miss it. You said it yourself, he’s a bitch.”

“Sure, but why are you doing-“

“Hey!” You interrupt, sliding back into your chair with a grin on your face. “So, what did I miss?”

“Nothing,” the grey-haired murmurs, assuming his crossed-arm position. Kaveh side eyes his roommate before agreeing with a hum. “Let’s order something now. We want to beat the rain, right?”

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

This meeting for the Sumeru Society might have been one of the most important ones of the year thus far, with almost every committee member expected to attend. After all, the annual ball was a big event that always had the largest turnout, and the amount of planning that goes into it to ensure its success is almost triple that of its other events.

So why weren’t you here?

“Why did you leave the meeting early on Friday?” Alhaitham asks as soon as he sees you.

You pause briefly, eyes widening and eyebrows raising. It must have been the way that Alhaitham’s voice raised a pitch towards the end of the question, demonstrating a nervous break in character that was not at all typical. Cool and collected would be the defining words to describe Alhaitham, as well as someone who does not care for the menial activities of others, so what is he doing asking you? And why does he care so much?

“I, uh, had dinner with someone,” you confess, continuing to grab your books and laptop, missing the way his features contort into something un-cool, and very un-Alhaitham.

“Whom?”

You murmur the name of some other guy, who he vaguely recalls to be your project partner.

“What?” Alhaitham snaps.

“I didn’t think missing out on some of the meeting would be a big deal! I got another committee member to explain what I missed,” you justified. “Besides, there’s no big events going on right now, so I thought-”

“-That you could abandon your tasks and go have fun with someone else?”

Alhaitham’s not really sure why he said that. He’s not angry that you skipped a meeting; there are larger things in the world to worry about, he’s angry because you spent time with another guy that wasn’t him.Why not go to dinner with him instead? He spends it every night with Kaveh, and you are far more favourable than Kaveh.  

“Is it really something to get mad over? I already told you, I got the meeting notes and everything-”

“-You’re an executive of the society, Y/n, more is expected from you.”

“Seriously?” you ask, “how come you didn’t bat an eye when the vice president wasn’t there the other day?”

“Because she was sick.” 

“Okay, fine! what about the subcommittee? they’re not always there either!” 

“They’re subcom. Whether they miss a meeting or not is not crucial.”

“So, it’s just my business that you care about?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed, disbelief clouding over your expression like a mask.

Again, Alhaitham doesn’t know where these punches are coming from and why he’s throwing them against you so viciously, but his heart is tightening defensively with a burning emotion that he’s been feeling more and more recently, and his first instinct is to lash out, to protect himself from it.

Perhaps it’s because foreign things that he can’t understand terrify him and you, all you ever do is make him feel things that he’s never felt before and he can’t understand why. 

“You’re not that special.”

A flash of hurt gleams in your eyes and Alhaitham knows now that he’s royally fucked up. “You’re an ass,” you grumble, about to walk away when he intercepts.

“Listen to me!”

“Fuck off!” 

“Y/n-”

You’re gone before he can get another word out, retreating figure stomping away whilst his chest weaves into knots; something that no amount of deep breathing can calm. It doesn’t help that the minute he returns home, Kaveh is onto him like some sort of parasite, curious over the tense air surrounding his normally-composed roommate. 

“Hey, welcome home- whoa, what’s gotten into you?” The blond asks.

“None of your business,” Alhaitham grumbles through gritted teeth, taking his shoes off and throwing them aside haphazardly. Kaveh doesn’t miss the way Alhaitham’s jaw is clenched, or the strain in his hand when he brings up a hand to run through his hair, or the very subtle and minute twitch in his cheek.

The blond ignores all signs that he wants to be left alone, and instead, follows the grey-haired to his room after he swung the door open. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, let’s talk about this-”

“Talk about what?” Alhaitham growls.

“Who pissed in your black coffee today?” 

“No one. Now get lost.” 

“Aw, come on, you know what they say. Getting things off your chest is always beneficial.”

“There’s nothing on my chest, go away.”

“You sure? no stress, no deadlines, no love interest making you tear your hair out-”

“-No, no, none of those!”

“Then what?”

Alhaitham steadies himself by resting his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped together as he exhales loudly. “I got pissed and took it out on Y/n, who’s mad at me now.”

“Huh? Why so annoyed?”

“Because Y/n went to dinner with another man.”

It’s silent for a while. The sassy quip that he expects from Kaveh does not happen. Instead, the blond merely smiles, a satisfied, knowing grin that slightly irks him. “You know, I’ve been waiting for the day you realise you have feelings for Y/n.” 

“What? Where did you get that conclusion from?” Alhaitham sits up straighter. There are a lot of things he knows, and he knows for sure that he does not like you in any way beyond platonic. He doesn’t have any time to spare for love. There are scholarships he still needs to apply for, internships to be interviewed for, research projects to submit- nowhere amongst the minute hand of the clock is there space for love. 

“Oh come on,” Kaveh sits down on the bed beside his roommate, leaning back on his hands. “You’re not as smooth as you hope to be sometimes.”

“I’m serious, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Y’know the sooner you accept you have feelings for Y/n, the easier life will be.”

“Life is already easy and there is no sooner because I don’t like Y/n like that. Now get lost. I have stuff I need to finish.”

Kaveh shrugs, standing up with a soft ‘suit yourself’, taking seven steps before he’s out of the room. Alhaitham lets out a sigh that has lodged itself in his throat for too long, and the feeling of reprieve he gets is short-lived before he’s flooded with a certain tightness again. Maybe he did have a weight on his chest after all, not that he’d ever admit it to himself or Kaveh.

He gets up from his made bed with a grunt and decides to push aside all distractions. Time is unforgiving, and if doesn’t finish his assignment by this Friday then he’ll be a little less than pleased.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Alhaitham feels like he can’t breathe. 

You’re sitting alone at a library desk, all focused and concentrated on your laptop screen with your headphones on, blocking out any outside voice as you type away. He wonders if he should say hi, maybe try apologising for the way he acted last Monday- who is this guy that’s approaching you and why does he look so familiar? 

And why are you smiling so happily?

You beckon to the seat beside you and the guy readily complies, taking the chair beside you like he belonged there, like there weren’t other candidates that should be there instead (he’s not talking about himself. definitely not).

He hands you one of two coffee cups he’s holding. What kind of right does this guy have to give you a coffee? Does he even know your order?

He feels like a bit of creep keenly watching you interact with someone else from a balcony of the library, but the book and laptop in front of him lies forgotten, and in a rare moment of weakness, Alhaitham can’t find it in himself to return to his tasks, pursuit of knowledge momentarily forgotten. He can’t push aside the bile that threatens to rise, he can’t loosen his grip on the couch’s armrest, and he can’t blink for a second in fear of losing you from his sight.

(You’re laughing. Why are you laughing? How can you look so pretty laughing and why doesn’t he ever get to make you laugh like this?)

Alhaitham is losing his damn mind. So much so that the first thing he does when he sees you again is corner you. 

“You shouldn’t talk to that guy anymore.”

You’re backed against the brick walls of the time-worn building that your shared lecture always takes place in, and Alhaitham, spotting you like a hawk, put you in this precarious position as soon as the two hours were over. 

He can’t breathe. It’s been almost three weeks since you last spoke to him and you’re staring up at him like you’ve done nothing wrong, blinking once and twice at his uncharacteristic display of subtle aggression. 

“Who?” you mutter, shaking your head to try and grasp reality once again. you hug your laptop closer to your body. “What’s this about?”

“I said you shouldn’t talk to that guy anymore.” 

“What guy?” 

“Your project partner.”

“Really?” you mutter in disbelief.

He nods, teal eyes shining at you firmly. “Really. The project’s over, you don’t need to talk to him anymore.” 

“I don’t recall ever giving you the right to dictate who gets to be in my life or not, just like how you can’t tell me what to do with my time.” 

“I’m looking out for you, so stop trying to make me sound tyrannical.” 

Your mouth hangs open as you furrow your eyebrows, growing more and more frustrated with each second. So much for thinking that he wanted to resolve the awkwardness between the two of you. “I’m not even going to argue with you,” you murmur a quick ‘jerk’ under your breath before brushing past him. 

Alhaitham, however, is not willing to let you go as easily as you wish, quick to chase after you. Not that you go far anyways, turning around to face him again in the spaciousness of the vacant hallway. “Why do you care?” You ask, exasperated. “You’re Alhaitham, you don’t let trivial things like who I hangout with bother you, you’re cool and collected and rational, and I just don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”

He doesn’t understand either, not the erratic beating of his heart, the stubbornness of his mind, nor this undisputable urge to keep you all to himself. Is it normal to want to hide someone for selfish reasons?

Trailing off, Alhaitham is slightly humiliated that for the first time in his life, someone has witnessed him coming short of an answer. No logical conclusion, no explanation, not even a satisfying quip, just plain, suffocating silence.

“Right. When you do have an answer, let me know.” You walk away.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Your last rebuttal still weighs heavily on Alhaitham’s mind, even two days later as he and Kaveh are seated for a lecture in a shared course. His thoughts are scrambled like never before, the messiness of it all making him feel uneasy because for once, he doesn’t have an appropriate answer to a question.

Why was he acting like a temperamental teenager? What you did with your life was up to you, and indeed he has no right trying to change that. More importantly, why was it so hard to apologise for the stuff he said-

“So, how’s everything between you and Y/n?” 

Kaveh turns to him with widened eyes whilst Alhaitham’s poker face doesn’t move an inch, deceivingly apathetic.

“Good, we’ve been hanging out a lot more recently,” the other guy says, who Alhaitham quickly recognises to be your project partner and distaste rises in his stomach like bile. 

“Aye, good for you, man! So when are you going to ask Y/n out?”

“No way, bro, not yet. I’m such a wimp, but I hope I grow the balls to ask soon because I really like-”

“-looks like you got some competition!” The blond nudges Alhaitham, and if it were anyone else, they would not have glanced twice at the grey-haired who seemed unmoving and uninterested. However, Kaveh is not anyone else because he noticed the darkened look in Alhaitham’s eyes instantly, anger seeping into his composed gaze as his nose scrunches in disgust. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

“So, you and Alhaitham still aren’t talking?” Kaveh asks, leaning on the table of the restaurant with curious ears, hoping that he can grab some answers out of you as to why there was a stalemate between you and his roommate.

“Nope,” you sigh. 

“Why not?”

“I’m just-” you pinch the bridge of your nose, “I’m just waiting on an apology from him.”

“An apology? Why? What did he say?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“You know how he is. Always insufferably secretive, so no, I don’t know anything that happened.” 

“Alhaitham just said some hurtful things to me, and he was being weird when I told him I was going to dinner with a friend of mine. Just kept being in my business.”

“Really?” The architecture student quirks a brow, confusion plastered on his face. “That’s not like Alhaitham at all.”

“I know, right? He kept trying to be like ‘don’t hang out with him’ and ridiculed me for not playing my part as an executive of the Sumeru society,” you complained, “like sorry I have other things I want to do.”

Kaveh nods in understanding as the conversation briefly stops when the waiter comes to drop off utensils at your table. As soon as they were gone, however, you begin again.

“And even though he was all up in my business, trying to tell me what not to do, he then said that I wasn’t special, which is so confusing because like-”

“-hold on. Alhaitham said that you weren’t special?” You nod at his parroted claim. “To him?” 

“Yeah. Stung like shit when he said that, especially since I thought we were friends but guess not,” you murmur sadly, fiddling with the fork.

Later that night, almost immediately after meeting you over dinner, Kaveh barges into his roommate’s room, not even changing out of his outside clothes. The sudden intrusion shocks Alhaitham who was busy typing on a document, textbook splayed open beneath him but momentarily forgotten as the blond takes a seat on the bed.

“What the- not even a hello?” The grey-haired asks, confused by this uncharacteristic silence of Kaveh’s. It’s pretty normal for the blond to barge into his room without notice, but it was not normal for him to be so quiet, practically brooding on the mattress. “Whatever. Where have you been? Have you eaten yet, because I made-”

“When will you just confess to Y/n?”

The mention of your name causes a spike in Alhaitham’s heartbeat and he swivels around instantly, attention fully directed towards his roommate. “Where is this coming from?”

“Y/n told me everything that happened between you two by the way-”

“-what, when?”

“Tonight, we just met for dinner.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“What would you have done if you knew? Showed up and made things worse?” He doesn’t say anything in retaliation, merely shutting his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows. “Why did you say that Y/n wasn’t special to you?” 

“I didn’t,” Alhaitham sighs, very loud and very perplexed. “I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did.”

“Don’t you miss Y/n? You two used to hangout so often.”

“I do, of course I do!” He exclaims, burrowing his face in his hands. 

“So why aren’t you apologising?” 

“Because whenever I’m around Y/n, I’m not who I normally am,” he mutters, “especially everything whenever that project partner is around-”

“Jealous, much?”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Oh come on, you’re ridiculous. Stop pushing away your feelings and just be honest with yourself, Alhaitham! Y/n is not just a friend to you and you know it.”

“But, we are just friends-”

“So you mean to tell me that if I hung out with someone else- like if I hung out with Cyno, you would be pissed?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Then why is it different with Y/n?” Once again, Alhaitham doesn’t have an answer to the question, sitting as still as a statue hunched over his desk. “Fine, I’ll spell it out to you. You like Y/n, more than just a friend!”

The silence leftover from Kaveh’s outburst is tense and full as the grey-haired lets the words sink in. 

“I’ll let you think about it,” the blond murmurs, voice softening dramatically as he stalks out of the room. Before he closes the door, however, he leaves a few final words. “Just- be honest with yourself, Alhaitham, and I wouldn’t delay trying to talk to Y/n.”

A sharp click rings through the room.

Alhaitham is no stranger to being alone, for who needs the company of others when you are happiest by yourself? Yet, in the weeks that you have not been speaking to him, a cardinal urge as been growing each and each day, wanting him to do something so atypical of him: to reach out and make the first move. Every passing day doesn’t lessen the thoughts that plague his mind, rather, they make him more and more impatient, because what if you get swept away by your project partner? 

(What if he’ll be too late? What if you won’t know of these powerful emotions that are steering through the storm in his heart? What if you won’t know just how badly he was been wanting you- wanting to see you, wanting to apologise, wanting to see you beam at him like you always would.

What if you won’t know that he adores you, especially now that he’s figured it out?).

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

A rain droplet falls and lands on your nose, another lands on your forehead, then another lands on your lip then more and more keep falling from the cloudy sky, falling through the leaves and landing on the bench you were currently sitting on. Goodness, you should have checked the weather before leaving your dorm. Why was it now out of all times that it had to rain, what would Alhaitham think after he finally decided to reach out to talk?

Taking your phone out to message the grey-haired about relocating, an umbrella is suddenly held over you, stopping the gentle drizzle from falling onto you. Looking up, you’re greeted by a familiar face that you have been missing too much recently.

“Hello, you,” you breathe, voice gentle and quiet and Alhaitham feels like he can finally breathe after so long, the scent of rain washing away all perplexion.

He nods at you in greeting before offering you the bouquet of flowers he was holding. A gorgeous arrangement of pink of white stare prettily at you and a man even more gorgeous expects you to accept it.

“For me?” You ask.

“For you.”

“Thank you, they’re so beautiful,” you take his gift with gentle hands, holding it close to your chest. 

“I want to apologise,” he firmly states, getting straight to the point; very Alhaitham of him. “For treating you the way I have been recently.”

You beam at him, so bright and so gorgeous that it renders him speechless, a feat pretty difficult when it comes to someone like Alhaitham who has a whole dictionary of words, in multiple languages too. Somehow, they all flock out of his mind the second you smile at him.  

“I accept your apology, thank you for reaching out, must have been hard for someone like you, huh?” You tease, standing up from the bench.

“Well, I had do for someone as special as you.” The grey-haired’s voice is deceivingly confident and assured, but you know better, especially when he looks away to hide his expression with his neatly styled bangs. 

“No need for the flattery, you know, I’ve already forgiven you.” There’s a moment of silence that occupies the air, caused by Alhaitham’s hesitation as he fishes his brain for the courage to ask you out. You speak before he can get a word out, however. “I got asked out the other day.”

“By your groupmate?”

“He has a name, you know, but, yeah. I rejected him, though,” you laugh awkwardly, almost like you were trying to cope with it by playing it off. “Did you know that he would do that?” 

“Yes. I did.”

“Is that why you were so adamant on me not hanging out with him?”

“I guess you could say that. We can talk more about it another time,” he tells you, voice gentle and caring to mask the subtle hit of jealousy he feels in his chest, scolding himself for letting someone else confess to you before him. However, it’s a minute sensation in comparison to the triumph Alhaitham feels knowing that you rejected the other party. 

“We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”

“We do, but I want to ask you something first.” 

You nod, hugging the bouquet closer to your chest, anticipation heavy in the air as you spur him to continue. 

“If I asked you out, would you reject me too?”

A mere second passes by where you don’t respond, yet the second stretches out to what feels like eternity as Alhaitham’s stomach churns. Patience is something he doesn’t lack, but how can he be patient when his heart wants you so bad? 

Then, you take his hand, and the heavens sing at the feeling of your hand in his. “I wouldn’t, but are you asking me out?”

“Are you free right now?”

“I am. Why?”

“Let’s go out then. On a date.”

“I'd love to.” You rise up to place a lingering kiss on his cheek, one that has his heart racing with joy rather than frustration.

The smile you earn is gentle, shy, but says more than Alhaitham's words ever can.

© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

#i didn't edit this btw don't judge #alhaitham x reader #al-haitham x reader #alhaitham x you #al haitham x reader #genshin impact x reader #fluff #alhaitham fluff #al-haitham fluff #genshin fluff #genshin x reader #alhaitham fic #genshin fic

[garoujo]

FAMILY BONDING — JUJUTSU KAISEN

feat : gojo satoru, geto suguru, itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi + nanami kento. 

♱ warnings — stepcest, pseudocest, f!reader, step dads!gojo + nanami (age-gaps), some manipulation, step brothers!geto, itadori + megumi, megumi + itadori like when you call them nii-chan, fingering, aged!up characters, marking, possessiveness, daddy kink, dry-humping.

♱ note — i am stinky and i’m finally letting my stepcest weakness rear it’s head < 3 tokrev version.

・✶ ｡ﾟGOJO SATORU

it was almost natural the way your step dad satoru fit into your life so easily, doting over and spoiling you like you were his own, indulging you with movie nights and rainy days spent wrapped up against his chest. he was always touchy with you, especially when his friends were over — eyes dragging along your body until satoru’s pulling you tight against his chest with a huff. it felt so right for something that was supposed to be wrong, but step daddy satoru always promised to keep your secrets.

“oh? you’re not hiding any boyfriends from your daddy, are you, sweet thing?” it should sound soft and playful, the tone of voice that satoru reserved only for you — his pretty little step daughter who he spoiled and loved so much. but his tone is low, hissed and he’s masking his words under the honey of a ‘parents care’ but the way he’s fucking you is fuelled by jealousy, an emotion that almost seems misplaced on his usually pretty, relaxed features. “n-no im not daddy, i promise!” you hiccup when you feel his cock push deeper into your pussy with a loud, wet sound and you feel like you’re losing all sense of self with how good he feels.

“hm, you’re only mine, pretty girl. you trust daddy, don’t ya?” the low hum that breaks from his throat feels like it drips through your spine when he rocks into you again and you wish you could say it didn’t feel good but fuck—it does, he does. your daddy was always so kind to you, he just never left your side because he cared about you he said, and now you’re feeling his big, warm hands smooth and squeeze at your exposed skin as his cock kisses along the sensitive spots inside of you. satoru’s lips feel like the burn you when they smooth along your neck, nibbling and kissing along the skin until it’s raised and blooming and he’s pulling away to admire his work, his lips curling into a smirk with another wet connection of his hips against yours. “yes! feels s-so good, daddy.”

“yeah? none of them would make you feel as good as i do, right, angel? treat you as good as daddy does, fuck—so good f’ me, always gonna be a daddy’s girl, ain’t ya?” satoru groans, his voice returning to its sickly sweet tone and your mind is too dizzy for you to even listen to him, so you nod and agree like the obedient little daughter he loved so much, and you make his heart swell when you let your lips part to moan his name. you’re so pretty and you’re being so good for him as you fuck yourself on his cock, squeezing and twitching around him and he always told you that good girls get rewards, and you were his best girl. so you almost scream when you feel his slender fingers trace between your bodies, rolling your clit expertly as you grab at his shoulders. “that’s my good girl.”

・✶ ｡ﾟGETO SUGURU

step brother suguru was already so nice to you, like a good big brother should be and he was the best. always the type to hold you close to his chest when you knock at his door after a nightmare and you can’t help how warm you feel in his embrace, wrapped up in his huge arms and he can’t help the way his cock is straining against his boxers. he knows you notice it, feeling it prod against your abdomen but maybe you’ll let him ease your mind… and his.

“do you feel better on your step brothers cock, sweetheart? i’m here with you, won’t let anything happen to you.” suguru’s tone is smooth but sleepy when you feel his thick arm wrap around your waist to pull you closer, keeping you pressed against his chest as he pushes more of his thick length into your twitching pussy while his tongue kisses along your jaw. “feels better, sugu—ah!” you breath, whispery and pretty and the sound makes his cock throb from where it’s spreading your tight walls around him eagerly, drawing his hips back only to force it even deeper into you — to kiss along the spots that only your big brother can reach for you.

“look at me, pretty girl.” suguru hums, letting his fingers trail under your chin before he’s tilting your head to meet his so he can kiss you; pushing his tongue past your lips to suck on your own and the way you melt for him makes his lose all sense of what’s right and wrong — his perfect little sister who loves him so much makes him growl lowly before he’s starting a lazy, heavy pace that has you jolting in his hold, wound so tightly in his arms that he’s convinced himself you were made to fit there. you taste so sweet, and a little like home as he humps messily into your pussy and he’s past even trying to bite back his urge to resist you, so he lets it consume him.

“i’m here with you, shit—gonna take good care of you like i always do, sweetheart.” his words make the room feel like they’re spinning and when you nod it feels like his thrusts only grow harsher, like he’s burying them into your skin and engraving his shape into you. suguru would fuck you every night if it meant you’d stay with him forever, that’s why he was always so eager to be by your side — always insisting that he’s there everytime you leave the house and pressed into your side every moment that you’re home, so when you feel his cock kiss too deep inside of you, you feel bliss twist in your stomach because you know your big brother only does this because he loves you.

・✶ ｡ﾟITADORI YUUJI

you’d be stupid not to notice the way your big step brother yuuji followed you around, so dumb and doting when it comes to his pretty little sister and you can’t deny the soft spot you had for him — he was harmless after all, pure muscle and needy touches, you couldn’t say no to him — not even when he’s bullying his thick cock into your little pussy like the best big brothers do.

“it’s c-cause yuuji-nii loves you, baby. gonna take good care of you like the, fuck—the best big brothers do.” yuuji grunts as he topples you, his movements are clumsy and eager when he cups your face in his hands to kiss you — wet and messy as he sucks on your tongue and licks into your mouth and he’s always just thought that he loves you a normal amount, this is what big brothers do right, love their little sisters. but any second thoughts he has, any doubts that maybe this is wrong melts with the first press of his cock into your tight cunt as you grab at him — pulling him closer and he feels dizzy thinking about how much you must love him too.

“‘m sorry, gonna make you feel good, only me, okay? promise?” yuuji groans, grabbing at your hips before he’s angling them up higher and he wants to take his time, to take care of you like your big, dumb older brother always does. but you’re squeezing around him and he’s bullying his cock into you like an animal in heat — wet, squelching sounds leaving the room while you ramble more yuuji-nii and hook your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into the abyss and he remembers when your parents had told him to take good care of his new sister, this was what they meant right?

you can barely breathe behind the pace your older brother sets, you feel like you’re crumbling under each heavy thrust as he ruts into your addictive heat and drags you along his cock. smearing spit and praise along your tits as he suckles and slurps against the sensitive buds of your nipples, taking them between his tongue and teeth while his heavy balls smack against your ass with each thrust. “you love me too, right? you’re so pretty, c-can’t stop thinking about you.” yuuji groans, burying his words into your skin and when you cry for him, “yes, yes i love yuuji-nii, so much!” it’s like his blown pupils swallow what little sanity he had left when he feels the first warning of his orgasm burst along his skin.

・✶ ｡ﾟFUSHIGURO MEGUMI

he’d always been a little quiet, a little strange when you first met and you’d just filed his need to be close to you under that same file. but you indulged him, let him pull you into his lap and grind his cock against you just because it felt like you were bonding, getting him to finally open up when he insisted you call him ‘gumi-nii instead, it was a step in the right direction, right?

“do you like m-making your brother feel good?” megumi breathes from where he’s spread out below you, slender fingers splayed and squeezing along the dip of your waist as he mindlessly humps into your clothed heat — letting you feel how fucking hard you make him. the leaking tip of his cock twitches and leaves damp spots behind his underwear as his desire for you clouds the shame that turns his stomach. “please, say it.” he grunts again, cheeks and chest flushed as he bites on his lower lip and rolls his hips into yours again — whimpering when he feels your thighs twitch around him and his eyes flutter closed with something that’s both embarrassed but tender.

“y-yes, ‘gumi-nii. i wanna make you feel good.” you gasp when you feel his cock catch under the hood of your clit, making your fingers twist and pull at his raven hair as you chase the stimulation, meeting the desperate rut of his hips with your own needier ones. megumi was so gentle with you, albeit a little shy — but he’d always been that way and it was intriguing when you’d first met the man who’d suddenly become your brother, you’d become addicted to the way he grabbed at you, the way he moaned and yearned for the feeling of your body against his because you know it was how he told you he loved you.

“nobody is as pretty as my little sister, don’t wanna spend time with anyone else. fuck—you can’t leave, okay?” megumi whimpers, his eyes narrowed from where they’re finally meeting yours and his pupils are almost black with how blown they look — lust coursing through his body in waves when you swirl your hips in his lap against, making him breathe heavy below you as he drags your clothed pussy along his cock. “never gonna leave, ‘gumi-nii. promise.” you whine, and you swear you feel his cock throb at the whispery sound — wrapping your arms around his neck as you pull yourself closer and let him rut into you like an animal, feeling him whimper and whine into your skin before he’s muffling his sounds in the crook of your neck. “y-you’re mine forever, okay?”

・✶ ｡ﾟNANAMI KENTO

you’d been so needy all day, and you could see the questioning look your step dad nanami gave you when you kept pushing yourself into his side, rubbing your thighs together and twisting your hands into his shirt. he spoiled you enough as it is, he was wrapped around your finger and maybe thats why he doesn’t think twice when he asks how he can help and you pull his hand between your thighs — daddy would do anything for you after all.

“is daddy making you feel good, sweetheart?” nanami grunts from where he’s sat behind you, your back is pressing tight against his chest while your thighs are hooked over his — keeping you spread as his thick fingers sink into your tight walls while you both watch the movie playing on the tv. but you feel so dizzy, his fingers were bigger than yours — longer and they feel like they press almost too deep into the sensitive spots you’ve never been able to reach, clawing at your daddy’s bicep as he twists his wrist and pushes more slick out of your pussy everytime his fingers sink into your walls.

but he feels so good, and you can feel the way nanami’s cock is throbbing against your back — but he’s so focused on you, his pretty little step daughter who’s pussy is squeezing around his fingers and you’re trembling against him when he leans down to kiss along your neck. “feels so good, daddy. i love you! l-love you so much.” you gasp when he pulls his fingers out of your walls with a wet squelch, smearing them along your puffy clit before he’s rolling the bud in sticky circles and trailing his lips to tease the shell of your ear.

“daddy loves you, sweetheart.” maybe he’s been spoiling you too much he thinks, he knows it’s wrong — the honesty in his words and the way he’s pushing his own step daughters thighs wider, but then he’s sinking his fingers into you again and using his other hand to grab a slow handful of your tits. you feel so soft and plush when he kneads at you; so responsive and innocent and you’re always so good for your daddy, especially when you’re pushing back against his chest and moaning so shamelessly for him, fucking yourself on his fingers as he rolls your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. “this ‘s our little secret, okay? you don’t want to get daddy in trouble, do you?”

© 2022 garoujo. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.

#݁ . ༅ : domain #tw stepcest #cw stepcest #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo x reader #gojo smut #geto x reader #geto smut #itadori x reader #itadori smut #megumi x reader #megumi smut #nanami x reader #nanami smut #gojo x you

[mediocre-daydreams]

group hug (extra one-shot to "(un)requited infatuation")

read the main fic HERE

pairing: peter parker x avenger! reader

summary: you and peter have finally confessed your feelings to each other courtesy of the conniving tomfoolery of sam and bucky. everything is perfect. now you just have to face the smug motherfuckers.

warnings: swearing, mentions of tall girl 2 (lowkey it was a good watch i laughed through the whole thing because it was so horrible), tony is a brony and sam is a swiftie, mentions of sex like ONCE, wanda and nat are silly silly stupid

w/c: 1.2k

the morning after is a phrase usually reserved for regrettable one night stands and the realization that you’ve committed a heinous crime and now must go on the run. you were not expecting the morning after to be a morning tangled up in the arms of the boy who loved you, under expensive goose-down covers that a billionaire had supplied, and basking in the radiance of sunlight streaming in from your eastern facing window.

it sounded ridiculous, you knew. but one of the most horrendous days of your life had resulted in one of the most unbelievable mornings, and perhaps, an unbelievable future.

there was only one thing that could spoil your heaven—confronting the conspirators responsible for 1) having all the avengers team up to shower you in unusual amounts of affection 2) provoking peter into a fight, and 3) setting up the foundations of your new relationship.

you were not ready for that. you didn’t think you’d ever be. but for now, you could pretend a little longer.

hugging peter from behind (yes, you were the big spoon), you buried your face into his shoulder. you’d spent a good amount of time… exploring each others’ mouths… last night, and you hadn’t bothered properly changing (or stripping) into your normal sleepwear.

peter smelled like sandalwood and nutmeg and you—tucked in each others’ arms and shielded from the rest of the world between your blankets and pillows, your scent on peter was a reminder that he had already begun to find his way into your life, and that he’d be staying for a while.

peter groaned and the sheets shuffled as he rolled over to face you. never had you appreciated the sound of sheets before. it meant there was someone next to you, someone who had stayed.

“g’morning,” he murmured before promptly burying his face into your hair and falling asleep once more. you smiled into his chest, where he’d pulled you close. you’d suffocate in his shirt any time if it meant he was yours.

--

“g’morning!” bucky smirked, sipping his coffee while leaning against the countertop. you scowled at him. for some reason that you couldn’t quite decipher, those words did not sound nearly as pleasant coming from bucky’s mouth.

peter was still changing; he’d refused to leave the bed until after you’d gotten ready for the day and now he was lagging behind. 

“where’s spidey?” tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“ew, no! watching a big jealousy, testosterone fuelled showdown isn’t exactly a turn on, if you know what i mean.” you looked pointedly at bucky, who shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

sam sauntered in moments after with his arms in the air, stretching dramatically and covering his mouth as he stifled a loud yawn. he beamed as soon as he saw you.

“samuel,” you warned. “samuel wilson, do not look at me like that.”

“samuel,” he mimicked, pitching his voice up an octave. “i’m not looking at you anything but normally. you know what i am looking at?” sam waved to something behind you. “hey peter parker!” he drawled, stretching out his words. peter looked murderous, and you couldn’t really blame him.

“i swear to god, sam—”

“hey, you got the girl, right? jarvis, play ‘how you get the girl’ by taylor swift.” he threw his arm around peter’s shoulder and you were reminded of the last time you’d seen them like that, when sam and bucky had formed their evil master scheme. you shuddered. yesterday was not a day you wanted to relive.

“look man, i’m sorry. but let’s be honest, you weren’t going to do anything about it, were you? not until months later. technically none of us actually made a move. we just… we were just nicer.” sam turned to you. “not that we’re not normally nice to you. we were just extra nice, because-” sam tilted his head towards a disgruntled peter, “-of this one here.”

peter wrangled himself out of sam’s hold. he busied himself with making breakfast to avoid conversation.

“so, we wanna know all the juicy gossip,” wanda and nat sat you down and begged for details. out of all your teammates, you knew you couldn’t stay mad at wanda and natasha. they were the people you’d confided in about peter, after all. and they’d never tried to pull something to the same extent of bucky and sam, so for that, you had to be grateful.

“okay, okay, i’ll tell you,” you caved, motioning for them to lean in. they did so eagerly. “we went to my room… he confessed his undying love for me and presented me with a bouquet of red roses… and then from underneath my bed came a barrage of spiders that climbed all over me and gave me mini hugs, and then we had really wild, nasty, loud make-up sex.”

wanda and natasha pulled back, disappointed. “i feel like half that story is true and the other half isn’t, but at the same time, i didn’t hear anything last night. but he is spiderman, so does he actually have the ability to control spiders, or something?” wanda questioned, turning to nat.

“i mean, i believe the roses thing. the kid always had a flair for the dramatic. but he doesn’t seem smooth enough to tell someone he loved them. i mean, he literally couldn’t hold a conversation with you for months.”

“i vote going to your room, the red roses, and the spider hugs are true,” wanda decided. natasha nodded in agreement.

you pursed your lips. “yes! that’s exactly it,” you lied, giving them two thumbs up. they high fived each other proudly.

“c’mon man, say something,” bucky prodded. peter was still awkwardly going through the movements of her normal morning routine, trying his best to avoid eye contact with bucky and sam. you felt a little bad for him. yesterday was mostly about targeting him and not you, and if you were upset by the matchmaking, you could only imagine how peter was feeling.

sam and bucky raised their eyebrows in surprise as peter suddenly turned around to face them. they braced themselves for an angry outburst or a yelled lecture, but instead, peter’s voice was quiet as he mumbled something unintelligible.

“huh?” bucky cupped an ear. “i’m 106, bro. you gotta speak up.”

“whampedntagrl,” peter muttered.

bucky and sam looked at each other. “a little louder, please?”

“what happened in tall girl 2,” peter hissed. bucky and sam were able to keep their composures for a grand total of four seconds before breaking into howling, drawn out laughter.

“you guuuuys!” tony squealed, clapping his hands together, delighted. “this is the power of friendship. jarvis, play the my little po-”

“alright!” you stood up. “i think it’s time-”

“-it’s time for a group hug!” tony exclaimed, excited that he was finally the one to initiate a team bonding exercise instead of steve. “bring it in, folks!”

you were squished into natasha’s side and your face was plastered into sam’s back, but as you choked through tony’s tight grip, you managed to smile. your friends were stupid, conniving, idiotic assholes. but those same friends had been the people who brought you and peter together. you hated yourself for it, but you loved these little shits.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

peter parker masterlist | main masterlist

taglist: (comment to be added!)

@im-a-slut-for-fluff @bambamwolf87 @yourallihave

#peter parker x you #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker friends to lovers #peter parker enemies to lovers #peter parker fluff #peter parker crackship

[thatgirl4815]

I sent a very similar ask to bird-inacage, so sorry if you see this twice. But I have been looking for someone to flail at this about and I thought of you both because I like your SandRay takes! I was thinking about the two clips from next week's preview and also the fight in Sand's apartment from the trailer and I have a theory for how I would like it to go down. What I am hoping will happen (but I am doubtful because when has this show ever given Ray and Sand the least painful option?) is: After Sand shuts down Ray's friendship request after he and Mew enter their boyfriend era, and then Ray has his little jealous fit at the party, Ray goes to Sand's place to try to talk him into maintaining their current dynamic with the intention of keeping Sand on the hook, because the way Sand treats him makes him feel good. Maybe he even whips out that "If you're my friend you must take care of me in every way" line again? Sand finally draws a line with the "Do you think I have no dignity?" line from the OST and lays out that he wants a boyfriend or nothing. Which leads to Ray having another jealousy/entitlement-fuelled meltdown and hitting back that he doesn't want to be Sand's boyfriend and his life is going down the toilet since he met Sand anyway and honestly probably calls him a whore again because he is currently committed to being The Worst. Anyway, as painful as that would be, I hope it happens before Mew inevitably drops him, because it would give us a) Sand having a backbone, which I have missed and b) a nice ironic foundation for when Sand's ex eventually shows up and Ray gets to have a full-bore jealous meltdown over it and hopefully actually take a good hard look at his feelings and choices for once.

Hi! Thank you for the compliment--being at all compared to @bird-inacage is an enormous compliment in and of itself :)

As far as your theory goes: yes, I definitely think the SandRay apartment fight will be easier to move past the sooner it happens. I'm kind of at odds with myself, because while I find Ray's possessiveness of Sand very toxic, it also makes for a lot of juicy drama AND the potential for him to finally come to terms with why he feels so possessive at all. At the same time, I desperately need Sand to put his foot down like you said. It seems like Sand has been fighting for Ray this entire time, but I want Ray to fight for Sand.

What this all boils down to is whether or not Ray sees Sand as more than a distraction. I'd argue that he does, based on all of the development we have seen between the two of them thus far that goes beyond Sand's caretaking behavior. There's a foundation there, and I think that's easy to overlook with this whole RayMew cloud hanging over us. In other words: it's easy to believe Ray doesn't care about Sand now that he has Mew, but beneath all of his arrogance and selfishness, I think Ray does care. And I'm gonna go with that until I'm proven wrong, for my own sanity, haha.

Your theory makes me wonder where the last bathtub scene fits in?:

Because they appear to be in an okay-place here, holding hands and all, so I wonder if we'll see that before the big apartment fight? Hopefully it comes after. And the 'I won't let you walk away' scene at the school...I go back and forth between thinking that scene comes before the apartment fight or after.

All in all, I really like that theory and think we could see a sequence of events that follows that pretty closely, though knowing the writers they will give us maximum heartbreak. We are not safe from part 4/4--everything bad seems to go down there. Ray will likely run after Sand next ep as soon as he thinks his hold on Sand is slipping, but that'll only lead to more arguments between them. It's the perfect opportunity to Sand to stand up for himself like he did in Ep4.

Finally, what's the deal with Ray calling Sand a whore anyway? I understand it's a dirty insult, but it's ironic coming from him, who offered to pay Sand to sleep with him (which he very clearly refused) and has been the one instigating their sexual relationship ever since. But maybe that's the point.

Anyways, I love reading theories, particularly hopeful ones (I need some of that right now lol), so thank you for thinking of me! :)

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #raysand #raysan #sanray #only friends theories #only friends analysis #only friends episode 7 #sand x ray #ray x sand #only friends ask #ask

[kimium]

For the Choose Violence Ask: 1, 7, 8 and 25!

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks, friend! I'm so ready to answer these! Let's get started but before I do I want to remind everyone that just because this is a "choose violence" ask that these are just my opinions. This is all for fun and if you disagree, that's fine. Don't take this too seriously.

Warning: Spoilers for My Hero Academia, mentions of abuse, obsession, and mild Fire Emblem Awakening, Fates, and Engage spoilers.

The character everyone gets wrong.

Endeavour from BNHA. I'm starting off strong, aren't I?

I am not here to defend any of Endeavour's actions. I understand that many elements within Endeavour are very triggering for many people who have experienced abusive relationships. Yes, as a character he is an unforgivable monster. If it's therapeutic for fans to see his family tell him, "We don't forgive you, we will never forgive you, and we won't forget what you've done" I'm 100% on board. Fuck Endeavour and his shitty actions!

Yet, on the flip side I think Endeavour is a character foil to All Might as the series asks the question: "What does it mean to be a hero?"

All Might represents the most "ideal" answer: You help people because it's the right thing to do. You aren't seeking power, fame, glory, or prestige. Being a hero is born out of a pure desire.

However, Endeavour is clearly fuelled by his jealousy, hatred, pride, and his desire to surpass All Might. This desire funnels into his home life and the broken family Endeavour creates with his own hands. One of the most important relationships in Endeavour's life is ruined and destroyed by his own hands. We see this with his treatment of his children (Touya and Shouto in particular) and his wife.

To me it so cathartic to watch all of Endeavour's development centred around him realizing how shitty of a person he truly was. It's about him having to face his dirty past and be unable to run away from it. Literally, poetic justice to have this abusive, selfish, prideful asshole forced to face his mistakes, not able to make excuses, and have to own up.

Now, the series offers a lot of grey areas regarding Endeavour that many don't like. That's fine. He can be the irredeemable character in your eyes and I think it's 100% justified.

So TL;DR: I think Endeavour, while having some of the most shitty character traits and backstory, has many grey areas and is meant to be a tool in the plot/overall story that asks the question "What does it mean to be a hero?" However, if it helps you to just go "fuck this character, all my homies hate him", go for it.

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how the fandom acts about them?

-Inhale, exhale-

I've begun to see this trend with some Fire Emblem ladies, so I'm going to talk about all of them here. I cannot stand when people take complex characters like Tharja (Awakening), Camilla (Fates), and Ivy (Engage) and boil them down to "They're in love/obsessed with the Avatar character and it's sooooo quirky!"

Look, I know Tharja's supports with both Robin's has obsession in there. I know Camilla loves all their siblings, but Corrin especially and several supports/plot lines revolves around this. I know Ivy tells Alear to their face "I love you" and it's awkward-cute-kinda cringe. Which by the way, I am so into Ivy and how her appearance/first introduction VS reality is off.

HOWEVER, there is more to these three ladies than just their relationship with the Avatar Character!

Tharja has hilarious supports with the other cast! I love her awkward, weird, creepy vibe. Or what about the can of worms when we look at her relationship with Noire?

Camilla has her sense of love for her family to the point she becomes petty. Look at her supports with Xander! Or what about her fear of others leaving her. Look at her supports with Selena! Or what about her supports with Niles?

Ivy's supports with Alycrst, Diamant, and Alfred are so interesting! Or her supports with her retainers! Or Hortensia! She's such a complex character with so many regrets, hopes, and fears!

Also, if we can stop reducing them to their breast sizes, I'd be grateful, thanks.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.

Coffee Shop AUs are a low B tier/ high C tier trope. Look, I get that people are into the tone/vibes of coffee shops. I know that the AU can create many awesome fluff stories and are a break from heavier stories. However, I find them to be (for the most part) kind of boring.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing.

I've rewritten this at least three times, but I think being concise is best:

-Shipping for the most part is all for fun and isn't meant to be taken seriously or an indication of the person's "morals". Blocking and blacklisting tags exists for a reason. Use it liberally if you must and move on.

#personal #replies #ask meme #choose violence ask meme #remember this is just for fun

[yesterdayiwrote]

Okay yes it’s not good that people looked into their old tweets etc, that’s a more than a little creepy. But to have that much stuff about asking for VIP passes and being ignored and then suddenly they get them after being called names in a language they admitted they don’t speak so how can they possibly know what was said, and making up that someone is homophobic for the lols…

And now the fact that AM are covering up tweets calling them out on it… it doesn’t look good. For the girls or AM.

If they’re lying about even one bit of it, what a fuck you to every woman who suffered abuse/harassment. If they lied to get access to the paddock, they have just ruined a lovely gesture made by teams who won’t ever want to do this sort of thing again in fear of being made a fool of.

Do you realise how fucked up a person you have to be to read a story about someone getting abused or harassed and think “Hmmm, I’m going to look for a way to discredit this.” Do you know WHY people decide to start look into these things? Because they want to downplay the idea that anything bad happened in the first place. Nobody starts aggressively investigating people’s stories with good intentions so absolutely fuck off with the idea that those girls are the ones that are seeking to do harm.

There were countless stories of people being made to feel uncomfortable, being harassed, getting slurs thrown at them across the entire weekend, so pray tell why those two are getting doxxed? Or are they just the first? Are they just going to slowly work their way through everyone who spoke out at the weekend in the hopes they can show everyone’s a liar and there was never a problem in the first place? Where’s the energy in identifying and calling out the perpetrators of this behaviour?

All the reactions to those posts are depressingly predictable. “I knew there was no way there could be a problem like people were describing”. Nobody indulging in this behaviour is out to ‘protect’ the victims. They’re only out to excuse the culprits.

There’s absolutely no proof in those posts that they lied about anything whatsoever, just people deciding that because they didn’t speak the language that they couldn’t possibly have been made to feel uncomfortable. It’s complete and utter gaslighting.

Do you know how much free hospitality the teams give out over the weekend? Absolute bucket loads, most of it to people with no interest to be there, so no, I can’t exactly get angry at two fans getting given paddock passes by the teams and a chance to meet their favourite drivers. The teams have done it for much less in the past and it’s something they should all strive to do a whole lot more of, regardless of circumstances. They haven’t made fools of anybody and it’s literally zero effort on the team’s part to do it. The idea that it is is fuelled solely by petty jealousy. Mercedes literally hand passes out to people they see with their merch on. Shall we start on these people next? Double check they’re not just wearing it to get freebies? Make sure they’re #real fans and not just nefariously seeing freebies from the poor ikkle teams?!

AM are probably covering up the tweets because people are vile and literally doxxing two young girls because they weren’t made to feel uncomfortable in a way that was to certain people’s liking. Behaviour like this from certain areas of the fanbase just further proves why it is so prevalent at races and does nothing to combat the deeper issues at hand. All this hard work and digging to create a wobbly narrative of possible ill intent when there’s a much simpler narrative staring everyone in the face… they felt uncomfortable and tweeted about it.

#f1 #f1 twitter needs to grow the hell up #countless reports of abuse and harassment and upset fans #and the priority is to discredit them #congrats you really solved it all #poor little AM ‘losing’ two paddock passes that they have dozens of anyway #how will they ever recover from this huge loss?

[mountain-man-cumeth]

Harry Potter and the Unbearable Sexual Tension Between Me and a Drawing Made By an Artist Who’s Talent I Envy

#personal #yes I am fuelled by jealousy #and inferiority complex #i am tired of fighting against my own brain to be productive #only to produce something mediocre at best

[violettelueur]

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || EVERY DAY AT EVERY SECOND

| featuring : fushiguro megumi from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : grammar errors but other than that n/a

| form : imagine

| word count : 1360

| published : 24 november

| request : Hello, hello! Congrats on 600+ followers! May I please order a classic black coffee for Fushiguro Megumi? Where his s/o always asks him to summon his shikigami so that they can cuddle or play with them? W-would he get jealous? Haha, I hope I am making sense. And maybe they're not even dating yet? Thank you and have a nice day!

| barista’s notes : hey hey hey! it is now midnight in the uk ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ and i am crying because i’m listening to FLY HIGH!! (Spring Version) by BURNOUT SYNDROMES - which most of you would know it as Haikyuu’s opening ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ other than that other fact of the day, i really hope you enjoy this cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please come again soon! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ also thank you for the congratulations and once again thank you so much ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

Today was one of those lucky days where there was nothing that could interpret the tranquillity that was going on around you at this current moment in time. It was a pleasant afternoon where you were just laying in bed trying to gain back the sleep that you had lost for the past month, letting the sun rays envelop you in a blanket of warmth. However, you felt like you were missing something. No wait, you knew you were missing something.

Slowly sitting up, you looked up to see your best friend sitting on the couch in his room, scrolling through his phone to whatever he was reading or looking for - from what you could recall the boy really loved to read non-fiction pieces causing you to wonder if he had ever experienced the feeling of escapism from a fiction piece of work. It wasn’t strange for the both of you to hang out with each other in silence, in fact, it was really calming to know that you were in each other’s presence.

“Megumi,” you gently called out, not wanting to suddenly break his concentration with a loud tone leading to the green-eyed boy to hum at you as a response to which caused you to smile before suddenly asking, “can I see wolfie?”

Ah Wolfie. Yes, that was what you called his divine dogs and no matter what Fushiguro tried to tell you, there was no way he could change the way you called them now. The name was now stuck. Turning away from his phone, he quickly turned his head to look at you only to see you smile at him with the most gentle look on your face - something that he didn’t mind seeing every day at every second.

Turning away to hide the faint pink hues that were slowly being painted his face, he placed his hands together to form the signal needed for his shikigami to be summoned and before even a second could even pass, a shadow suddenly appeared from the ground only to then form the body structure of the black dog that you had been waiting. 

Once summoned, the black dog looked confused on where it was before it quickly caught a whiff of a familiar scent which caused the dog to turn its head towards your direction. Once maintaining eye contact with the shikigami, the dog quickly ran towards your direction with the biggest grin it would express as it jumped up on the bed - much to Fushiguro’s dismay.

“Hi there! Did you miss me? Because I really missed you~” you cooed at the large dog as your cupped its face before ruffling it’s fur, causing the large hound to lay on his back to showcase it’s belly to you to which led you to laugh at its babyish behaviour because due to you remembering that way it would present itself as a vicious predator during missions. 

Looking at the view in front of him, Fushiguro couldn’t help but smile at the scene that was going on in front of him. To see you so happy as you played with his divine dog was something that he didn’t mind seeing every day at every second. However, he couldn’t help but feel a slight flame of jealousy fuelling within his stomach.

Compared to the attention he gained from you to the attention his shikigami’s gained, it was no surprise that you gave more to his shikigamis then you did with him. There were times where he questioned if his shikigamis were his anymore since you always had their attention when he would summon them for training - sometimes even in the middle of a battle if it wasn’t serious.

His divine dogs craved for your attention and ask for pets from you every second, Nue would always fly towards your direction and stay by your side - probably ask for a few head scratches while being at it, Toad will just sit by you and keep you company while you watch Fushiguro train with Maki before it was your turn and his rabbits will hop up around you telling you that they’re happy to see you before you sit down and let some of them sit on your lap. 

You probably had a better relationship with them that you did with him and that was making the flame of jealousy burn even more. Getting up from his seat, he quickly made his way towards you before throwing himself on the remaining space on the bed, causing both you and his dog to stop what you were doing before the dog nudges the young sorcerer’s face to which then gave him a sloppy kiss, leading you to laugh hysterically once you saw the disgusted look on Fushiguro’s face.

“Y/N,” he called out for you once he wiped off his face, causing you to then lay down next to him before you turned your head to face him, with the large hound laying its head on your stomach. “What’s up Megumi? You might age a bit quicker with the crease you’re making on your forehead by the way,” you commented, as you placed a finger on the space between his eyebrows which immediately caused the boy to relax - not realising that he was tensed up.

“Can you,” he started before loudly sighing as he turned his head to look up at the ceiling, trying to compose himself on what he was about to ask you. Knowing Fushiguro for quite some time, you knew that he wasn’t one to express his emotions easily, usually keeping stuff to himself, allowing his thoughts to bottle up, even though you told him many times that he could always come to you when he needed to - he does sometimes just not as much as you hoped for.

Hooking your pinky finger with his, you felt him suddenly tense up from the sudden physical contact before he slowly relaxed as he used his free hand to cover his face to conceal the rose colour blush that was slowly painting his face once again.

Taking one more deep breath, Fushiguro unhooked his pinkie from yours - making you feel disappointed for a second - before you felt him take your hand, lacing his finger between your before he turned to look at you again with his face still slightly covered.

“Can you look at me like that please?”

Your eyes widened in shock at his question - to which caused him to internally worry about your reaction as he didn’t know what your next response was - however, you gently smiled at him before giggling lightly. “Look at you like what?” you then asked, wondering what he really meant since you knew somewhere in his mind, he really wanted to say something else.

“Like, I….I want you to look at me like I’m someone you love” Fushiguro admitted to you, leading you to swiftly lift your head up with a surprised expression before you smiled brightly at the boy. Laying your head back down, you tighten the grip of your hand that was holding his, before you use your other hand to Fushiguro’s hand as you wanted to see his face only to see him blushing profusely. “What would you say if I admitted that I already do love you?” you quietly asked, as if you didn’t want him to hear your little secret. 

On the other hand, you suddenly felt the weight of the bed shift slightly as Fushiguro lifted himself up, while holding his body up with his elbow somehow still holding your hand as if you were going to disappear once he let go before gently leaning down to place a little light kiss on your forehead leaving you to relish the soft emotions that the both of you were trying to convey towards one another .

After a few seconds, Fushiguro slowly pulled away and looked down, only to find you smiling brightly at him - brighter than any smile that he has seen you express today and the other days that have passed ever since the both of you met. 

Something that he didn’t mind seeing every day at every second.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #fushiguro megumi #jjk fushiguro #jjk megumi #fushiguro megumi imagine #fushiguro megumi imagines #fushiguro megumi x reader #fushiguro x reader

[sunflowerdarlingx]

Fred Weasley - “I need you” 3 (18+)

Hi I hope everyone is okay!

This is part three of my previous Fred imagine. Part one! Part Two!

Please let me know what you think.

Female Reader

Warnings: Fingering, oral (female recieving), unprotected sex.

Minors DNI

------------------------------------

Fred threw Y/N over his shoulder, his right hand on her waist whilst his left settled on her arse, “Freddie I swear I will never forgive you if you drop me!” his laugh boomed down the hall “I thought you wanted to have fun sweetheart”, he placed her carefully on the bed, brushing her hair out of her face with his hand before running it down her cheek and pulling close for a kiss.  

Y/N pushed Fred back slightly and stood in front of him, “of course I do Freddie” she ran her hands slowly up and down his chest before starting to unbutton his shirt, “but...far too many clothes are in our way” as Y/N looked up at Fred, he ran his hand across her cheek, smirking down at her.  

“Oh yeah?” he ran his hand down so his thumb ghosted over her lip.

“Yeah” she pouted her lips, kissing the tip of his thumb, before tilting her head up, hinting to Fred that she needed to feel his lips on hers. He leaned down, kissing her slowly as his hand ran down the side of her body, reaching down to pull her dress up and over her head.  

“Fuck” he threw her dress off to the side and traced his hand over the delicate lace of her red bra, “you have no idea what you do to me sweetheart” he kissed down her neck as her hands laced in his hair. Little whimpers left Y/N’s lips as Fred sucked at the delicate skin, nibbling every so often before soothing it with his tongue. “I’ve missed those pretty little moans baby”, he guided Y/N over to the bed, sitting down and pulling her on top of him.  

“Can I take this off?” his finger ran under the shoulder strap of her bra whilst the opposite hand sat comfortably on her arse, Y/N nodded, “you know I need more than that baby, who’s made you think that a nod is enough?”, Freds eyes darkened – not only with lust but also jealousy – his hand squeezing her arse hard.  

When they got back together, they had discussed if they had been with different people, Y/N had tried to move on, but it never worked. A few flings here and there, but they never compared to what she and Fred had. It angered Fred, no it infuriated him to think about someone else touching her, touching what was his but he knew it had to have happened – especially with how things ended.  

A small squeak left her mouth at the look in Fred’s eyes, “well, who was it?” his features had hardened as jealousy consumed him. “Freddie, it’s not important, please just kiss me” Y/N leaned in as her hands went behind her back to unclip her bra. The hand that was on her ass reached up and grabbed both of her wrists in his hand behind her back.  

Fred hadn’t been this jealous in a long time, the last time was at school when he caught Adrian Pucey flirting with Y/N in potions. As much as Y/N loved and craved a passionate Fred, jealous and protective Fred drove her crazy, she could feel the pool in her underwear and wouldn’t be surprised if there was a wet patch on Freds leg.

She knew once Fred found out who it was, that she’d be in trouble.  

“Tell me baby, who was it?” his features softened slightly, his hold on her wrists still tight.  

“P...Pucey”, her voice was just above a whisper as she looked up at Fred, who had a small smirk on his face.

“Pucey?” he laughed, “was he any good?” Y/N shook her head no and Fred held her chin in his hand “Use. Your. Words.”.  

“No Freddie...” she tried to touch him, but her hands were still behind her back “he was nothing compared to you Freddie... let me touch you Freddie... please”. Fred smirked, he had missed this, he loved the girl in front of him, with his whole heart and hearing that she was just as needy for him as he was for her fuelled a new fire inside of him.  

He let go of her hands and she pulled him in for a kiss, she stood up and took off her bra and underwear, putting on a little show for Fred to show him how much she had missed him. In that moment Freds jealousy faded away while he watched her, swaying her hips in front of him, but he didn’t forget. He felt a need to prove that he was better, “c’mere darling”.  

Y/N sat in his lap and kissed him again, Fred pulled away and began kissing down her chest, his mouth teasing her nipples, swirling his tongue around them. Y/N was growing impatient, all she wanted was to have Fred fill her up. He pulled the delicate bud in his mouth, letting it go as he sat back up. “Are you mine baby?” he asked as he ran a hand up and down her thigh, “you know I am Freddie” she sucked in a breath as Freds finger ghosted the area where she needed him most.  

“Think its maybe time that we remind each other who we both belong to, what do you think?”  

“Yes please Freddie”, Y/N couldn’t stop herself from griding against him, desperate for some friction on her aching clit. He reconnected their lips, flipping them over so he was on top. Y/N reached down unzipping his trousers. Fred shuffled them down his legs kicking them off to the side, “someone’s eager” Y/N teases.  

Fred leans over her again, dragging his finger up her soaking pussy, “think you’re just as eager love” he teases, bringing his fingers up to her mouth. Her plump lips wrapped around them, her eyes never leaving Fred’s. He kissed down her body, up and down her thighs and stopped just where she needed him mouth.  

“Good girl, getting my fingers ready for you” his tongue swiped over his bottom lip, “may I?”.  

“Please Freddie”, he slipped his finger in, curling it before adding in a second. Y/N let out little moans and whimpers at his actions. Her hands came to tug on his hair when he let his tongue glide over her clit, sucking slightly. He removed his fingers replacing them with his tongue, Y/N shuddered at the feeling as her hips bucked up. “Fuck Freddie, I’ve missed your tongue...ohhh” Fred’s tongue worked perfectly, bring Y/N to her first orgasm. He lapped up her juices, kissing his way back up her body to her lips.  

Y/N’s hand went down to palm him over his boxers, pulling at the waistband. Fred tugged them down, hissing slightly when Y/N wrapped her hand around his base. Pumping his cock, she pulled Fred towards her. “Gonna let me suck your cock then Freddie? I’ve missed it so much, forgotten how big you are” she purred in his ear, Fred smirked down at her before kissing her again.  

“I don’t think I can wait love, wanna feel that tight little pussy around my cock” he kissed her again “but only if you want that to. Is that what you want?” he questioned.  

Y/N admired Fred’s need for consent, he always made sure she was comfortable and ready – it was one of the main reasons she loved him.  

“Fuck me Freddie...please... I need you”, Freds hand gripped the base of his cock as he placed himself at her entrance, pushing in slowly he let out a low groan. Y/N’s nails dragged down his back, the feeling of being filled by Fred made her stomach erupt in butterflies.  

Fred waited a minute, not wanting to take things too fast, “you can move Freddie” and with that he started to buck his hips towards hers. Pulling out fully before pushing back in, his pace was slow to start, he had missed feeling this close to Y/N, watching her as she wrapped her arm around his neck, her hips bucking to meet his thrusts.  

“Freddie...m’close...fuck you’re so big”, he rested his forehead against hers, kissing her before muttering a “cum for me” against her lips. He pulled away to look down at her as her orgasm washed over her, a red blush painting across her cheeks and chest as she panted heavily, her walls twitching around him as she came undone. He slowed to a stop inside of her as she came down from her high.  

“I’m so happy I’ve got you back” he kissed her forehead, her cheek and then her lips.

“I’ve missed you too Freddie” she smiled at him “you can keep going Fred, I’m ready”. Freds hips started moving again, building up a much faster pace this time, “c’mon Freddie...fuck...I’m not gonna...ohhh..I’m not gonna break”, he pulled out, flipping her onto her stomach.  

“Arse up then gorgeous” he pulled her hips up before positioning his cock at her entrance and slamming into her. “Fuck” Y/N’s hands struggled to grip onto the blanket below her. Leaning forward, Fred took each of her hands in his and tugged them behind her, resting them on her lower back.  

Her grip on him was tight as he pounded into her, loud moans and the sound of skin slapping filled the room, “Freddie...fuck... I'm so close” Y/N’s warning was muffled by the pillow that her head was rested on.  

Her legs turning to jelly from the pleasure lead to Fred letting one hand go so he could grip her waist to hold her up. The feeling of her pussy tightening around him and the filthy moans that left her mouth brought Fred closer to his release.  

His thrusts slowed as he twitched inside her “me to baby, where do you want me”.

“Cum inside me Freddie” she moaned loudly as the familiar knot in her stomach come undone, Fred following closely behind, filling her with his cum.  

He pulled out, Y/N whimpering at the loss of contact. He lay down and pulled Y/N into his chest, “I love you so much” his chest was heaving as he wiped his hand along his forehead.  

“I love you too Freddie, so much” Y/N placed a kiss on his neck, trying to slow her breathing.  

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Fred piped up, “so...was I better than Pucey?”, Y/N groaned and looked up to Fred, a playful smirk on his face.  

“Of course Freddie” tilting her chin Fred kissed her, “although...” Fred’s eyes widened at her.  

“although what?” he asked confused.  

“I might need you to remind me again about just how much better you are” she winked and Freds playful smirk returned. It was gonna be a long night ;)

#Fred weasley imagine #Fred weasley smut #fred weasley x reader

[shookspearewrites]

The ikevamp suitors as songs

No requested post today* my loves, BUT I curated this list bc its fun and I was listening to random songs doing uni work & couldn’t stop being reminded of the mens, so

I give you: Songs that I associate with the suitors (this is mostly musical theatre songs, I'm not sorry),,

* (ended up posting this at past 4am ... oops) 

- JJ x

~~~~~~~~~~

Napoleon Bonaparte:

Golden Slumbers (Elbow). Napoleon’s whole purpose in this world is to protect you at all times. He’ll sing you soft melodies when you’re in need of comfort as he holds you tightly in his strong arms. Plus, he adores sleeping next to you or, alternatively, watching you as you sleep, enamoured with that soft peaceful expression that you wear.

All of Me (John Legend). Everything about you draws him to you: He finds you to be simply perfect & he wouldn’t want you to ever believe otherwise. Napoleon finds your duality beautiful - How you are both delicate and strong, how you seem to burn with fire-like passion but you still hold the gentle qualities of a waterfall.

Lost in the Woods (from Frozen 2). i am aware how of dumb this is bare with me pls,, Napoleon is a skilled traveller but, he likens being without you to being stranded - Lost at sea without so much as a paddle to get him home. He’ll gift you an ornate compass that matches his own to assure that “You’ll always find your way back to me.”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart:

Your Song (Elton John). A fact that Mozart keeps close to his heart is that you are his muse, his inspiration. He’s written countless pieces about you, for you and indeed, because of you. You seem to fill the musician with overwhelming emotions: Love, jealousy, desire, etc. You make him want to create the sunshine you bring to his life through his music and gift it back to you.

Your Eyes (from Rent). Mozart’s brash, tsundere attitude can be a major turn off, but he doesn’t care - well, at least he thought he didn’t. It wasn’t until he ended up offending you, making you flee the music room in floods of tears did he realise what he’d done. You’ll hear him playing sad pieces for the next few days until the pair of you can finally talk again. At this point, Mozart will make a point of telling you all of the things that he loves about you and how you make his heart flutter, as much as he hates to admit it.

Something There (from Beauty and the Beast). Once you get past his aloof, harsher exterior, Wolfgang is a gentle, kind man. It’ll take you a long while to work this out, to get to his softer spots but, that side of him is definitely there. You’ll gradually notice him letting his guard down around you and only you - He’s honestly so soft for you, just don’t tell anyone because he’ll get embarrassed.

Leonardo Da Vinci:

Fuego (Eleni Foureira). Its sexy, its Mediterranean and quite frankly, its a bop. Like this song is so fun and bouncy and Leo would so vibe to this, I can’t be convinced otherwise.

El Tango de Roxanne (from Moulin Rouge). Okay but you can’t tell me that this man wouldn’t be the sexiest tango dancer ever. He and this song share so much raw passion and honestly, just imagine him scooping you up in his arms and leading you in desire-fuelled tango. Am I swooning at the thought? Yes-

I’ll Cover You (from Rent). Consider this: Dancing round the mansion and the beautiful Parisian streets singing this together with Leonardo. He’s just so damn infatuated with you and he lives to put a smile on your face, even if that means him being a big goofball in public. He’s suave and seductive but, one can’t forget that Leonardo is a kid at heart, too.

Arthur Conan Doyle:

She’s always a Woman (Billy Joel). Arthur falls for MC hard and he can’t deny it. I imagine he’d just gaze at you, his heart melting when you smile at him, making him fall further in love.

The Only Reason (5 Seconds of Summer). You keep him up at night more often than he’d like - especially after you’ve had a lover’s spat. Arthur cannot bare losing you ever so, if you’ve fought, he’ll lie awake with tear stained cheeks, trying desperately to think of a way to earn your forgiveness.

Give Me Love (Ed Sheeran). Arthur craves your attention, your affection, you. Though, he often thinks himself unworthy of your love and when he gets into his depressive states, he’ll seek you out and silently cuddle himself up to you, begging for you to hold him until the pain eases. You are the only cure to his maladies - “Please just hold me, MC.”

Isaac Newton:

Lay Me Down (Sam Smith). Isaac is very timid about the fact that he is in love with you. He wants to do everything in his power to have you but, he’s simply too nervous of scaring you or hurting you. Isaac is easily overwhelmed by the pounding of his heart when you affirm that you love him, lost for words so he’ll hold you close and embrace you for as long as possible.

Falling Slowly (from Once). He knows that he’s an absolute mess so, why do you continue to love him? Isaac cannot comprehend how you still want the shipwreck that is himself, it baffles him and, genuinely saddens him. There are times when he believes that you’re only staying with him to make him happy, which, is not true. You will need to remind Isaac that you absolutely do adore him and everything that he is. He just needs a confidence boost, really - He’s not used to the whole love thing.

Vincent Van Gogh:

Isn’t She Lovely? (Stevie Wonder). Oh if you aren’t his entire world and even more - A radiant flower in an otherwise dull garden. Honestly, Vincent will sing your praises to anyone who’ll listen & will hum or sing happily when he thinks about you.

All I’ve Ever Known (from Hadestown). Vincent has spent his life protecting his heart from hurt, shutting off any the negative emotions in fears that they’ll make him unlikeable, unlovable even. When he finally accepts that he loves you, that he can open his heart up to you, then he can stop holding himself back. Vincent can finally fully blossom with you.

Somewhere only We Know (Lily Allen). Vincent keeps good on that promise he made to you: He’ll always be there for you, be at your side if you need him to be. As soon as he notices that you’re even mildly upset, he’ll whisk you away up to the bluff overlooking the beautiful sights of Paris to sit with him. Vincent will let you cuddle up in his lap as the pair of you watch the twinkling lights of the city in the quiet night.

Theodorus Van Gogh:

Before He Cheats (Carrie Underwood). You know, Theo’s a bitter lil bitch who wants the absolute best things for you, so, he’d totally advise you to ruin someone’s life if they’ve done wrong by you. He’d probably help you with said life-ruining.

How Long (Lionel Richie). Theodorus constantly battles with his inner turmoil and his anger along with his sheer love towards. He knows full well that he is head over heels in love with you but, his negative feelings hold him back from admitting that he wants you because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Theo often spends his nights awake, suffering and willing these ugly emotions to leave him so he can focus his energy of showing you the love that you deserve. 

Fire on Fire (Sam Smith). Theodorus makes it no secret that he holds a brash, burning passion for the things he loves, including you. The pair of you can have such loud, fiery fights filled with angry, fervent emotions. Though, when you both feel as though you can forgive each other, Theo will not hesitate to show you, to remind you how you that make his heart burn hot and beat hard with immeasurable affection.

God I hate Shakespeare (from Something Rotten!) Sorry, I just had to 😂

Dazai Osamu:

Fairytale (Alexander Rybak). To Dazai, you seem like you’ve stepped straight out of a fairytale - You are this bewitching enchantress whom he can’t get off of his mind. He’s absolutely entranced by you, especially your completely adorable laugh and he feels his heart melt a little more every time he hears it. But, being a pessimist, Dazai believes that he doesn’t deserve you and the pure happiness you bring him please give him all of the love, he deserves the world.

Those Magic Changes (from Grease!). Okay hear me out with this one - Its so sweet & kinda cheeky, its got this soft playful quality to it that totally reads Dazai to me. Like, imagine him singing this with that cute lil smile as he just pulls you into his arms to sway along to the music with him 🥺

Soldier, Poet, King (The Oh Hellos). Dazai is a storyteller, for sure. the way the words just flow off of his tongue in that sweet, lilting melody and the way his voice can just draw anyone in - Heavenly. I can picture him sitting on one of the mansion’s windowsills whilst singing this & Bunta sat on his shoulder chirping along.

Jean D’Arc:

Words Fail (from Dear Evan Hansen). Jean can admit that he’s not the most open of men with his emotions, and as a result, he often finds himself lost for words. He often feels like he’s unworthy, like he’s done wrong somehow please someone protect this man for gods sake even though he has no proof that he’s failed you. When Jean finally feels the courage to discuss his emotions with you, you discover that he is as fragile as glass behind his stoic exterior. He’ll need a lot of encouragement to realise that his feelings are valid and that he is truly a gift to this world and that he’s your favourite person.

How Long will I Love You? (Ellie Goulding). Jean dedicates his every waking hour to you - He thinks that you hung the moon in the sky. You are his angel and he will never stop reminding you that you are his everything & that he will never stop loving you.

Hold Me while You Wait (Lewis Capaldi). Sad man is sad when you mention wishing to return to your own time. Ultimately, he can’t change your decision - after all, its your choice to make and not his but, it’ll keep him up at night. Jean only asks that if you should ever leave him behind, that you allow him to embrace you but once before you do so, allowing him just one touch of heaven.

William Shakespeare:

Meant to be Yours (from Heathers: The Musical). As much as I adore Shakespeare, even I have to admit that he is an insane possessive yandere. There is almost no lengths he won’t go to to make you his, including some rather sinister eventualities.

A Little Priest (from Sweeney Todd). I’ll be damned if I cannot somehow obtain a Sweeney Todd AU thing for Shakesy even if I have to write it myself. William would just have you as his lovely little partner in crime, holding you close to him within the thick fog of Victorian London. He’d protect you, wrapping you in his cloak so you end up pressed right up against his chest, his heart pounding and his cheeks reddened with blush.

Bad Romance (Bardcore cover by Hildegard Von Blingin’). Okay so I am obsessed with this song, I had to include it. This man is tempting you, teasing you, enchanting you into his arms with his every word. William is a greedy man and he wants all of you, all for his own keeping. His words are so beautifully poetic and he hopes that soon, you’ll stop being able to resist him as he cannot resist you.

Hard to be the Bard (from Something Rotten!) Once again, I simply had to.

Le Comte de Saint Germain:

A Heart Full of Love (starts at 1:18) (from Les Misérables). At the very moment that you catch Comte’s eye at the Louvre, he knows that you must be his. There is no denying that even despite the fact that he’d vowed to himself that he’d never again fall in love, Le Comte is in love with you at first sight. He feels it ungentlemanly of himself at first but, once he reveals this fact to you, you say that it’s charming, changing his mind about he feels about himself. There’s no doubt in his mind, Comte is so deeply in love with you.

Mama Will Provide (from Once on this Island). Comte is the mansion’s resident Sugar Daddy so if you need/want something he will give it to you. He’s also a guide to your new life in the mansion and will do anything in his power to help you.

Ocean Eyes (Billie Eilish). Le Comte has possibly the most spectacular pair of eyes the world has ever seen - A beautiful golden sunset swimming with adoration. Though, he will not fail to remind you that your eyes are as beautiful as can be: He likens the to the ocean, to diamonds. He thinks that your eyes hold the world within them, and he is blessed for that loving gaze that you look upon him with.

Sebastian / Akihiko Satou:

Safe & Sound (Taylor Swift). Sebastian feels it completely necessary to protect you at all times even though he’s knows that you’re perfectly capable of doing so yourself. He sees it his duty as the only other human in the mansion - Like an alliance almost. Sebastian is always keeping an eye out for you, making sure that you are safe and staying out of harm’s way though, he claims that he’s just “Making certain that you’re completing your chores accordingly, MC.”

Heather (Conan Gray). Sebastian is a very good butler and an honest man in every sense of the word. Though, even he is not immune to the pangs of jealousy that overcome him when he witnesses you with Master le Comte. Begrudgingly, he feels nauseous whenever he hears Comte call you “Ma Cherie” or sees your arm linked with his own. Whenever it becomes especially overwhelming, Sebastian will insist that you have not completed your household tasks for the day in desperation to spend more time alone with you.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikemen vampire x reader #ikevamp x reader #ikevamp x mc #ikemen vampire x mc #ikemen vampire headcanons #ikemen vampire fanfic #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird ikemen x reader #ikevam #ikevam x reader #ikevam x mc #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp fanfic #ikevamp fanfiction #ikevamp napoleon #ikemen vampire napoleon #ikevam napoleon #napoleon x mc #napoleon x reader #ikevamp napoleon x mc #ikevamp napoleon x reader #ikevamp mozart #ikemen vampire mozart #ikevam mozart #mozart x reader #mozart x mc #ikevamp mozart x reader

[ignitification]

Cold Flame

Cold Flame

A brief explanation of how Rei and Shouto's evolution have to do with the return of Touya Todoroki.

tw: mentions of violence, mentions of suicide, mental illness

1.) I think these two panels tell a whole story of its own.Touya mentions how “The only thing he taught me was how to turn up the heat” referring to Endeavour. This sentence blatantly refers to the accident where Touya’s flames could not be stopped, because his strive to show his father that he is indeed someone to be proud of, has been ignited and then never shut down. Endeavour took Touya, lighted up the flames in Touya (both metaphorically, in his drive and strive to be a hero, and be his father’s hero - and literally, to bring out his fire quirk out while training), and then tossed Touya aside. Rei, on the other hand was not capable to stop him: whether this references to his training regimen, or to him chasing Endeavour, or even his dream is highly unclear - but the sole fact that Touya blames them both (because he feels like he has been bred for this goal, and Rei agreed to it, and then had not enough power to actually put an end to this nightmare) and he is partly right, because this has hurt more people than it was supposed to and that it was necessary. Rei does not know how to stop his kid from getting hurt, which is getting her hurt in return. In this panel, she looks frightened, offended, desperate to grab at Touya (who is silently and slowly slipping further away from her and her grasp) but she cannot. Now, I am not going to go further in this, because Rei not saving Touya is a partially incorrect statement, as yes, she could have done something if herself was not in a very bad place in the first place and if actually everything that happened between Endeavour and Touya did not hinder not only the relationship between Touya and Enji, but as well the one between Rei and Touya (as he see him rejecting her, because Touya knows why he had been born and probably has been influenced into thinking that his mother is weak, as she cannot fend for herself and just blindly accepted whatever Endeavour put in front of her, and not because she did not know any better, but because she did not know how).

2.) The jealousy an older sibling feels towards the newborn is completely normal, because the span of attention given to older siblings usually decreases. But here we are talking about two kids, breaded and raised to be vessels of their’s father dreams. This is an extreme scenario, where the competition between sibling is not about skills or quirk, but instead Touya sees it as a way to regain the lost affections/attention, which since Shouto has been born have never been sent towards him. And the fact that the birth of Shouto triggers in Touya’s the abysmal feeling of being a mistake, tells us that the parents did nothing to let him feel better, or to understand that it was not that way (even if arguably, Endeavour had other kids just because he wanted a perfect kid, which means that at the end of the day, he did consider Touya a mistake). And the fact that Touya was been willing to go this far, as far as to injure himself, as to emotionally condition himself into turning his flames from red to blue, is not only a sign of the mental pressure he put on himself and his emotions (always fuelled by that grating feeling of feeling less, worse, not right), but as well of the constant disappointment he felt when his father paid attention to him while scolding him, being angry at him, scowling and not making any effort. This angry, dark face is what shapes Dabi’s memories of Endeavour - an expression he wants to wipe out of his mind because it reminds him of not being the victim of shitty parenting, but of being considered a failure, worthy to burn to death,  alone.

And these two. 

2.5.) The ‘If only..’ hurts. Because this means not only that there was a chance that Touya did think about it, but he considered it then and there - because it was too much. Because even now, it is too much for him. Rethinking about all this moments is crucial for both Endeavour (who’s memory is definitely triggered into remembering gruelling details of his behaviour towards his children of when he was younger) and Dabi, who instead wonders whether the path he took, the decision he made all those years ago and that brought him there, was actually worth it. Because when Touya died, and Dabi was born on that hill when he was 13, he made the decision to take revenge and actually prove to his father that he is not a failure. He instead, is such a big mistake that Endeavour cannot cancel him anymore. Touya wanted desperately to be noticed for being right. Dabi wants desperately to be noticed because he is wrong, and a big mistake (which is also the result of Endeavour being his father and whatnot).

2.6.) And this. It’s the realisation that Endeavour is sowing the grief and pain of his oldest son, but it is also a realisation for Dabi: he took a decision, which he is sowing now (along with all the murders and the pain he himself inflicted). Memories which are more painful, and the fact that Dabi’s only comments on the accident is actually that it was scorching hot and that he couldn’t stop is very alarming and sad. He says nothing about how he felt. He just admits to the consequences of that gesture. He is not thinking of how much pain it was, or how sad he was, or anything else but just that this event was what made him into the person he is now, and there is no going back. He maybe thinks that things might have come out better if he actually had died that day. But he never talks of what is happening inside himself, because Dabi cannot allow himself such a weakness. And so, he feels nothing.

2.7.) These two panels (below) give me chills.They are so similar in the feeling they give up: desperation, realisation, hope, terrifying anger and sadness, elatedness in knowing that there is something to hang off, that maybe now the right moment has come. And it’s a sort of revival, a feeling brewing for so long and finally exploding in the hate, and the will to drag his father down in the mud with him.

3.) Rei's involvement, in Touya’s upbringing is a problematic topic for two reasons: she feels guilty about it, and her mental state which has been deteriorated by her family and her husband, does not allow her to even look for an excuse, as Endeavour did. Instead, Rei has been driven to a point where she just wants to let go. 

I think that here, Rei, plays a very big role: she is stuck between a husband she cannot take on by herself, and a child who wants nothing to do with her because of her actions (which are inherently caused by Endeavour). And her mental health further deteriorates. Rei looks distraught. I would say even fatigued, and weighted down by everything that is happening, and how she cannot and does not want to deal with it. 

In the hospital room, in Chapter 300, when she comes back and tells Endeavour that he is not the only to have suffered, she is not only referring to Touya, but to herself as well. I think it is important to note how the change happened. For both Shouto and Rei, Touya is a central button: after the accident, things escalated so much for Rei that she ended up in the hospital, Endeavour instead got the full time he wanted with Shouto (reversing his negative feelings, guilt, remorse and strive for his broken dream) into training. 

And the fact that in this moment, she chooses to let Touya go (metaphorically) is not only heartbreaking, but also reflects the anger in Endeavour’’s eyes who’s thinking line has to go along the lines of: ffs, I have to do everything around here (which I do not want to sound rude, comes off as misogynist, but as well disrespectful and just right arrogant). However, the fact that Rei here is weak, does not define her character and instead Touya coming back is exactly what she needs to step on her feet again, and transform this

into ‘I’m here now’ and I’m going to solve this situation. Because Rei is tired of the situation, of Endeavour and wallowing in Endeavour’s shadow. It is time for her to actually intervene like she should have done years ago, and save her kid (or at least, give Touya a forgiveness sort of goodbye, and maybe tell him that notwithstanding their mistakes, and the fact that he was born because of a Quirk Marriage, Touya was still loved).

4.) But then, Shouto's has always been aware of how bad the situation in his own home is. Him protecting his mom is greatly telling in this sense: Shouto, despite being as traumatised by his father’s behaviour as Natsuo and Fuyumi (who are older than him, and are also crying in this panel - because Endeavour is a very tall, and build man and he is the Head of the family, which is also probably why they know what is going on, and no matter how many times this happened, if one or twenty but there is no excuse for Endeavour scaring his children so much they feel the need to retract in themselves (as shown by Fuyumi’s position on the floor, and Natsuo trying to be shielded by his bigger sister) and to cry as silently as possible with the hope that the angry person does not notice them. Shouto, on the other hand, while also crying actually stands up to his father (as he continued doing til today) and despite the shouts, angry stare and all the burden that comes with parent’s argument, he still tries to protect his mother, because he knows that the dominance of Endeavour’ character is too much for Rei to take. Because Rei is tired. Look at her face. Look at her eyes and her general exhaustion. The panel of point 3 stands to identify that she cannot take anymore. And instead, Shouto plays the bigger person. Notwithstanding all the obstacles he has overcome (the hellish training manu, his father’s expectations, the burden left by Touya’s disappearance, his father’s ego and anger, his mum burning him, Rei’s hospitalisation, the scattered relationship with his siblings, his empty childhood), Shouto stands tall and proud, knowing what he has to do. 

I think that Shouto’s being the Hero of his own family, is a very important ‘part’ of not only the story, but as well for Shouto, who is evolving in character and setting the foundations for an individual whose past prejudices his future, and he has to resolve the plethora of things that he carries involuntarily with him, before possibly saying that he has achieved something, and that he became a Hero. I like how Horikoshi pointed slightly out that this whole drama, even if the protagonists are Touya and Endeavour, is not only the shaping path of Shouto, but as well his stepping stone for being a real hero (through the pits of fire which once again he has to do, in order to let go of the past, and instead his future, depicted in fire and ice).

#bnha #mha #bnha 302 #mha 302 #bnha meta #bnha analysis #mha meta #mha analysis #dabi #dabi is touya #touya todoroki #todoroki family #endeavour #enji todoroki #rei todoroki #shouto todoroki #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #my hero academy #bnha manga #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga #mha spoilers #mha manga spoilers #there are probably other things I want to say but I forgot #this got very long very fast #I apologise for all the horrors

[minalous]

fallen candy | 1

⇁ yoongi x female reader x taehyung ft Jimin x female reader

⇁  romance,humour,angst,smut || supernatural!au

⇁  yoongi!angel, taehyung!angel, reader!hybrid, mentions of death, oral (female receiving), fingering, loss of virginity, love triangle, future poly

The gates of the underworld are now open, unleashing evil and death on earth. Namjoon cannot stand to see his beloved humans suffering so he asks his most trusted friend Yoongi to help him save them. With the help of Taehyung, Yoongi is searching for the hybrid that will help them save humanity. They are searching for you.

⇁5.1k

...

Eras come and go, thousands of years full of knowledge and history are intertwined with the humans on this earth, the world created for them. As humanity started growing into something magnificent, evil and hatred came to disturb it. The wondrous world of humans is about to cease to exist, no miracle would be able to recover the atrocities the demons had done over the past few years; Humans stopped believing in the old gods, in the new gods, in any gods for that matter. They gave up every power they were holding, they offered that power to monsters whose only desire was to destroy whichever privilege their gods openly offered them.

The true Gods gave them free will, courage, intelligence, a beautiful world to live in. And what did they do in return? They destroyed their world, they worshipped gold and silver, they fell on their knees and worshipped false gods which never existed. The true Gods wished nothing but happiness and love for their creation. Can they help them now? Yes they can. It is not too late.

Their headquarters are filled with smart beings, some not so smart but heavenly beautiful.

Yoongi, Taehyung, Jungkook and Namjoon are four of the Gods, half daemons, half angels. Daemons were creatures of wisdom, creatures equal to Gods so they were treated as such. Their angel blood gave them power which was much needed for the wonders they did upon the earth. Day and night they would guard humans from evil, keeping demons and monsters under their control. When humans began their secret worshipping of demons, when they started having evil thoughts and feelings which had to be restrained, they lost their connection to the heavenly creatures. Their free will was in their nature, nobody would take it away from them; but that was what led them to hell upon earth.

The gates of the underworld were now open, unleashing evil and death on earth. Namjoon could not see their creation dying, suffering until they would beg to be put out of their misery. They created them because they needed to love and be loved. He had to act and he had to act now.

Namjoon gathers his most trusted friends to ensure the immediate resolution of their biggest problem. He knows the only remedy to the situation is to create a new hybrid, a creature powerful enough to have their enemies tremble in fear. The hybrid would be their new leader, the leader they’re in need of and who will shed light on the darkness the demons have brought upon humanity.

The details about the recent events in the underworld and on earth have the Gods agree upon taking great measures to ensure an immediate expedition, to acknowledge the danger, the considerable pressure growing bigger. Namjoon further explains how humans are no longer free, their will is manipulated by the demons, vampires and other hideous monsters who are in need of puppets to do their deeds. And that is when Namjoon drops the bomb out of nowhere; the need to create a hybrid.

“You want us to do what?”

Yoongi has become so furious with their leader’s announcement, the weight of the task given to them is something more than what he has anticipated for.

“If you do not do it, Jungkook will. And you know what that means”

Namjoon’s voice is loud and clear, determination lacing his soothing tone. He is confident enough to entrust an important task to his best friend, a task that could ensure a win against the evil powers controlling humans. He would not want to have Jungkook handle a strategy in need of meticulous research, a plan to reveal weaknesses about their enemies. Jungkook may have the muscles but Yoongi has the brains. However weird it may seem, Taehyung is a better shot to the unknown than Jungkook on this occasion.

“Hey! I am a real asset to this team”

Jungkook pleads to be chosen for this mission, muttering under his breath he’s better than anyone else in this room.

“You are only off by two letters”

Jungkook stares at Yoongi’s direction, furrowing his brows in deep confusion due to the daze Yoongi’s words caused him.

“Stop speaking with fancy riddles, hyung” Jungkook says in an almost begging voice

"And you call me stupid"

Taehyung mocks Jungkook in a childish way, making both Yoongi and Namjoon hold their temples in an attempt to calm their frustration. They are in great need of cunning beings that can accomplish tasks in this time of need, but who knows what must be going on inside their brains.

"You make a good rival" Jungkook tells him proudly

"Stupidity is not something you should be proud to compete but between the two of you, I would not expect anything better"

Yoongi’s voice now mirrors Namjoon's feelings, his words confusing the two younger Gods even more but making Namjoon laugh.

"Please just accept the research. You cannot leave me with Jungkook as my last resort" Namjoon now pleads for Yoongi’s acceptance, pointing at Jungkook who is trying to fight off a small bug with his fists, throwing tiny punches in the air.

"Hey! I am right here guys" Jungkook says once more, scaring away the two older Gods

...

In the end, Yoongi ends up accepting Namjoon’s offer to become the leader of the research, a team working under his command who is seeking for clues about the existence of a hybrid. Taehyung is the one to seek answers hidden in the history of their ancestors, as Yoongi tries to discover new information about the demons on earth. Yoongi hasn’t seen humans from up close for a very long time, his eyes wandering to find any clue that could lead him to the main source of their problem.

It has been two months now and he had almost given up. There were no signs of change, the same old things kept happening; vampires feeding off humans, humans willingly offering their souls to demons for a better life, people worshipping false gods which in reality were reapers that would later torment their souls for eternity. It breaks Yoongi’s heart to see those low life demons disturbing the peace of his beloved humans.

When Yoongi could no longer bear the thought of seeing those atrocities and was about to leave, he sensed an immense power. There must have been a powerful creature on earth. He could sense it was evil; the powerful aura radiating from within its heart was pure evil. Since nobody could ever see him, living or dead, good or evil, he walked towards the direction of where the being should be. But he would have never expected to see what he saw.

A fallen God. One of the monstrous Gods that killed hybrids with their bare hands.

In the older days, Gods had the freedom to be with whoever they desired to be; angels, daemons, humans, witches. Everyone was living freely all across the lands. Hybrids were created, beings much more powerful than most of the Gods. Soon enough some the Gods envied the power the hybrids held, fuelled with jealousy and anger they achieved to turn every powerful God and magical creatures against them. Families were destroyed, young kids dragged away from their mothers’ embrace and in a matter of days, the young hybrids were either exiled or dead. But for the jealous gods, the massacre wasn't enough, and they started hunting down the surviving children; had those poor souls tremble in fear before tearing their hearts from their chest, killing mothers with their unborn babies inside them. This complete genocide of innoncent hybrids couldn’t be ignored by the other Gods, who stepped in to bring the perpetrators to justice.  All except for one..

Nobody ever sought revenge, nobody tried to find what happened to the hybrids that survived. Deep down their parents knew what was better; even if the kids were in exile, it would be for the best for their identity to stay unknown; and if they were dead, they wouldn’t want to know the truth. Exile sounded better than death and for them, a lie would be better than the truth itself. It hurt too much to get separated from their beloved kids but who was to rise against the almighty Gods?

Taehyung is given the order to search for any clues inside the books they were passed down through generations, to find anything remotely close about the history of the hybrids. The library contains hundreds of books, centuries of history including the hybrids, knowledge upon the Gods, the known enemies, the existence of powerful unknown enemies hidden in the shadows, possible threats in the foreseeable future. So much information that is enough to get Taehyung confused and mostly make him give up only after two months of research.

Yoongi finds Taehyung shuffling around the library with one of the librarians, almost ready to devour her on top of priceless books which offer unlimited access to humanity's history. He would have expected him to be irresponsible, to be lazy and grumpy about the difficulty and the obligation of his duties towards their team but he would have never expected this kind of irresponsibility.

Yoongi fake coughs and it is enough to alert Taehyung who shoves himself away from the poor girl, the girl bowing slightly before leaving the two Gods alone. Taehyung is quick to grab the book right next to him, sitting back down on his chair to continue reading or at least pretend to.

"I never claimed to be the smart one, Yoongi hyung" the small pout on his lips is the sign that he is about to use, Yoongi's weakness

"Do not hyung me, Tae." Yoongi scoffs to the younger's attempt to get away from being lazy so easily

"It has been two months now and there is no progress! I am not the one to fix such a complicated matter!" Taehyung loses his calm, pouty demeanour and stands up with a small jump from his chair, tossing the book he was holding on the desk. "I wish I could help but reading is not my speciality. Having my head between books is boring" he whispers under his breath but Yoongi is quick to hear his words.

"Being between someone's legs is your speciality but right now we need you. I need you. We are talking about humanity's last chance to be saved." Yoongi's sarcasm is easy to detect and it has Taehyung get smaller when he sits back on his chair, book in hands again to keep up with their research "You may not care about them, may not miss them but they still have faith in us, Tae. We promised to take care of them as long as they honour us. And they still do." Yoongi eyes Taehyung for the first time this evening, his glare intimidating, so intimidating that has Taehyung look away from him before muttering something that sounded like "okay I'll do my best not to have them die"

Taehyung desperately tries to find any clue about the existence of any hybrids, any hint that there may be someone left to lead them back to the land where they used to live, where the families raised their kids. Two weeks go by since his small argument with Yoongi and he can feel that they are going in circles, there is no history left from back then, it seems as if they have erased any kind of hint about the hybrids.

“I give up. I guess humanity is going to die!” Taehyung mumbles “And I am in no mood to create new humans” he pouts and kicks his legs like a five year old

One of his wishes is to find an answer about the hybrids, he has been praying day and night to his ancestors to find a hybrid or for them to simply create one. Taehyung’s fear is not what will happen to humanity or what horrors the demons will bring upon them but what Yoongi and Namjoon will do to him if he doesn’t do his job. A loud thump breaks his train of thoughts, he jumps up quickly to find the cause of his disturbance.

“Why can’t I have some peace of mind?”

His footsteps lead him to an aisle full of some of the most ancient books they have, some of those are not even related to the recent Gods including him as well, books enclosing a few of the mysteries of the universe’s creation. A piece of paper draws his attention, with careful moves he retracts the paper and carefully reads it.

“Cl-o-clo...se? Close?” Taehyung sighs and tries to read it again

“ ‘Close your eyes’ ? Why didn’t I pay attention to ancient Greek? Okay.. Relax Taehyung. You got this..” he takes a deep breath and starts again “ ‘Close your eyes and.. and call my name.‘ ”

The frustration is already built up inside his mind, no time to waste but he is here trying to read a stupid paper that gives him no clue.

“Do I look like I know your name?”

“Call my name”

“W-what?” even for a creature like Taehyung that holds so much power, he is still scared of unknown voices that whisper to him.

Before he can ask for a second time, deep sleep takes him over and soon enough he is snoring on the floor, the books on the shelves shaking as something or maybe someone is arriving. The powerful spell he had just cast consumed all of his power and drained him but he is safe as the young woman arrives into their heavenly kingdom.

...

You are here.

You don’t know what here is, you don’t know where you are, what you are. You only know you belong here. Something or someone called for you. Someone woke you up from your deep sleep, you don’t know for how long you have been asleep for. Your last memory is your mother and father telling you how much they love you, how proud they are for you, how good and kind you are and that one day they will be with you again. They were scared last time you saw them; so scared. You were only a few decades old when something happened that brought so much sadness inside your house, in the place you grew up and learned to call home.

The way you heard your parents scream your name, the moment you saw their expressions change from happiness to pure terror... It still haunts you after so many years of silence. Their love can still be felt in your heart, you let it guide you as you walk down the aisle. By the looks of it, it must be a library. You think it must be a beautiful place to wake up, to make up for the years of not learning anything new, to build new memories to call your own.

It feels safe to be here, that’s what you think, already enchanted by the knowledge getting offered to you so openly. Book already in hands and for the first time in so long, you feel at peace. Even when you were asleep, away from reality, you could feel the loss, the longing. But now, everything seems to be falling into place. Is this what it feels like to hope?

There’s a God near you; you can sense his presence, his aura. A wave of euphoria overwhelms your emotions for a few seconds without realising you may be in heaven right now.

“Can I stay here a little bit longer?”

The stranger nods softly, a warm smile on his lips as he closes the space between you. Without any warning he hugs you, a way to reassure you it is safe to be here, to be with him.

“Of course” his voice sounds so sweet to your ears

“My name is Yoongi. If you need me, let me know”

With Yoongi gone you wish to continue reading, more and more books to offer you knowledge you don't have yet about this kingdom or the world, the human world. You don't find overwhelming the new information you get to explore; history of the world, evolution of the human kind, ancient times and magic, the background of your ancestors, the different kinds of art. Who could have thought humans would be so blessed?

But what about now? What is happening now in the human world? Maybe there is a book to enlighten you further into their history.

There is one book that stands out. A book in the middle of the library. Questions cloud your mind as to what makes it so important, why is it in the centre of the library. It presents itself in all its glory, white pages with golden letters. Letters that start appearing as if the book is writing its own story. And it does indeed.

The book represents the story of the human world. Everything happening right now in the human world is getting written on the book.

"It's a spell." the man says

“Don’t they need help?” but instead of waiting for an answer, you let the book answer for you

With only a touch of your hand the book spoke to you, time stood still for a split second, your eyes rolled at the back of your head and you saw; you saw the pain, the agony, the fear, the manipulation, torn souls and evil. So much evil.. It is way too late to save some of the souls, they were far too deep into the evil surrounding them, minds full of thoughts they didn’t own, another being controlling their every move, mindless puppets ready to do their master’s deed.

It feels so dark and lonely inside their world.. Hope and love can be seen, kindness can be found into the smallest corners. But you see traces of the same energy everywhere, black drops tracing back to the same aura, it cannot be seen but you can feel it spreading steadily, slowly devouring the goodness from people. It is like broken memories, the book whispering to you, scenes unravelling in front of you and they look all the same while they are revealing you one and only being; a man who walks on this earth to bring misery. A fallen God.

He is suppressing who he is, power drips from his fingertips but you can tell. He is the one to blame for the doom brought upon the humans. Why is he in every memory the book is showing you? You can only catch glimpses of him, his face changing every time he moves from one human to another. This fallen God finds a new host to live in but none of them can survive long, he repeats the same thing over and over again until he feels satisfied with the pain he brings upon.

Once you believe the book is done with showing you past memories, it shows you one more; the fallen God looking at someone. He smirks and you can feel it, all kinds of evil thoughts consuming his whole being and it scares you. It is time to go.

“Found you”

A sweet voice, there is nothing sweet about the tone he uses but his voice sounds so sweet.

"The Gods never left, little girl. Humans started worshipping lifeless devices, poisonous intimacy, gold and silver to rule their life. Humans abandoned the Gods, so They abandoned them."

The fallen God is so close to you, caught on what is happening you let your guard down and he grabs the opportunity to touch you. Is it fear you feel? No. This feeling is.. Sadness. Agony. Regret. He runs his finger on his plump lips to taste the sweetness of your fear mixed with your tears of agony. Blood boiling within his veins but it doesn't stop him from teasing you for a little more before tearing your soul. Desires of any kind have his mind under control, his thoughts are a swimming pool ready to lure you into the depths of it, darkness and loneliness wanting to drown you and keep you under their wet blanket.

“They still want you. They still need your love”

So many voices live inside his mind, the more you look into it, the more you stare into his eyes, you find something so familiar and endearing. Why is it that you cannot find yourself to feel threatened by him?

“Call me crazy, but I think I was meant to know you” you manage to get out in a soft whisper, hand reaching out to touch his cheek

His eyes soften for a moment before he goes back to his blank stare, but in that moment you felt as if he understood what you meant.

“Jimin” is the last thing you remember saying

The man who woke you up from your deep sleep, is the one who dragged you out of memories the book was showing you. Memories would not be the most accurate way to describe what just happened but you have no other explanation.

“Nobody was ever able to do what you just did” he says

“What is this book?” you ask as you take a step back from the book

“This is the book of past and present” he tells you “it shows every single thing that is happening right now in the mortal world, humans living and dying, every decision they make, good or bad thoughts”

“Who was that man? The fallen God?” you ask him in curiosity

“Taehyung, it’s okay. I’ll let her know about it”

Yoongi carefully takes your hand into his, looking for any hint of disapproval in your eyes but you have none when it comes to him and your new friend Taehyung, a sense of security warms up your heart when they are in your presence. Yoongi and you sit down on the sofa right next to the fireplace, the soft noises of the burning wood bring back memories you try to suppress while Yoongi recounts events of the past, stories of how Jimin, the fallen God you met and other fallen Gods  brought shame to the Kingdom.

When all is said and done, Yoongi heads back to the headquarters to attend a meeting with their leader Namjoon, leaving you with Taehyung who is the one responsible for you.

...

Taehyung is taking his sweet time to do his so called research on you, within a few weeks you already have the ability to consume enormous amounts of information; history, science, evolution. And this kind of growth is not meant to happen in such a short time, not when the gods and daemons themselves have to learn little by little. Humans are strange, humans are unpredictable and so are you. Are you a human? Are you a god? Are you a daemon?

His eyes follow your every movement; the way your lower lip twitches every time you read something that excites you, how your eyes squint in curiosity when a new information is found within the endless pages of the books you’re reading, how pretty your skin looks under the warm light of the fireplace.

“You better stop” he tells himself

"Could you please stop fidgeting?" you ask him without taking your eyes off your book

Taehyung cannot stop staring at you, the former interruption with the librarian left him unsatisfied and bothered. Obviously you are sending him no signals, nothing impure coming from your way but that doesn’t stop him from closing his eyes to imagine how good you would feel underneath him.

With eyes shut tight his thoughts can only lead to pure filth, marking your hot skin, your sweet smell only serves to drive him crazy. Nobody has ever touched you in that way before and he wishes to be your first. Taehyung opens his eyes to be met with the beautiful sight of you. Legs now spread to help him with any kind of relief, his cock restrained inside his painfully tight pants.

“What’s up?” his voice dropped an octave and you can feel his eyes piercing through your skin

“What’s good?” another question follows but you're unsure on what he refers to

Unknowingly you trace your eyes back to him, Taehyung touching his soft lips, index finger brushing his lower lip and you cannot help but trace his every movement. A new feeling blooms inside your chest making the next thing he says so easy to follow and accept.

"Come here, angel"

The aroma coming from his aura is unbearably sweet, intoxicating. His long, curly hair falls in front of his sharp eyes, hands now placed in each of his thighs and it surprises you how breathtakingly deceitful looks are. You could have mistaken him for a devil if you didn't already know he is a God.

Lust.

The smell of lust is oozing out from every part of his body, he is so unnaturally warm when you touch his face. Taehyung grabs your hand softly, no words come out of his mouth when he pulls you in one sharp movement and places you underneath him.

"Do you trust me?"

The mixture of his scent with the warmth of his body offer nothing but safety, body relaxing under his weight. The hair at the back of your neck raises in every soft breath he takes, feeling so sensitive as it hits your skin.

"Please tell me you trust me"

Goosebumps awaken on your skin when his lips brush at the shell of your ear and you softly nod to his words. You are scared to answer, afraid your voice will betray you. You wouldn't have let him touch you, be so close to you if you didn't trust him. It doesn't feel wrong to be here with him, to feel him press his cock on your thigh.

You are not that clueless about sex, neither are you experienced. It doesn't matter because you want to know, you want to feel what those humans felt when they sold their souls to the lust demons. It must be so good, so heavenly good for them to sell the most valuable thing they have, their soul.

With his teeth grazing on your neck you close your eyes, a sound you have never made before leaves your lips and Taehyung immediately freezes. Taehyung's hand comes to wrap around your neck, fingers softly pressing against your throat but in a way that only serves to drive you crazy.

"You drive me mad. You haven't done anything but a sound and I am already so hard for you."

Taehyung roughly bites on your ear this time and you feel your panties sticking on your folds, your empty core in desperate need of attention.

"Let me take care of your every need, let me taste you"

With your clothes being a barrier anymore, Taehyung praises you, taking over you, senses overwhelmed as he is buried between your legs. His tongue is attacking your clit relentlessly, one of his digits inside your pussy and you can already tell why everyone is so easily blinded by lust.

The sounds of your moans fill up the small of the room, his fingers entering your mouth to silence you. Your instincts tell you to suck around his fingers, to lick them and you are glad you do. Taehyung groans, your actions cause him to speed up his finger, curling it inside your pussy to attack that soft spot that has you moan around his fingers.

Your back is arching, shivers welcoming a new wave of pleasure and you can sense your whole body falling apart. He knows what he is doing to you, acting so innocent as he wipes your cum off his face.

"You are dripping wet, angel"

The smirk on his face and his full blown out eyes have you spellbound, you haven't caught your breath yet from your first orgasm but you want more, you need more.

"Please, I want more"

Taehyung doesn't need more than those words to oblige, cock lining on your entrance, his need to feel you raw may cause him problems later on but he doesn't care, mind only filled with you. Thoughts of you. The sounds you make only for him.

"Look into my eyes" he says, voice laced with love and you know you won't regret having him be your first

You cannot close your eyes, the euphoric feeling of bliss overwhelms your senses and in that moment he is taking over you, he has your heart in his hands. A moment only the two of you will ever share, a memory you will forever treasure.

…

The night sky looked so beautiful from the balcony outside the library, your favourite place for the past few weeks now and you cannot wait until the moon rises. For the moon to be in its full bloom, to smell the night wind carrying the fragrance of the flowers that prettily decorate the garden.

“Why are you always up so late?” a familiar voices stops your train of thoughts

“Yoongi” you say with a smile forming on your lips

“World's asleep” you add “more room for thoughts”

Yoongi nods, quietly coming your way. Having him so close feels comforting, you had such a long day, the effort you put to trace Jimin again, the fallen god Yoongi and you saw in the human world, is wearing you down. But to have Yoongi share this beautiful night sky with you, a new feeling starts blooming in your heart. He has been supportive, he has been guiding you carefully into the human world and both inside his world, the community the Gods have. He is so good to you..

Like a dream come true, you find yourself able to breathe again, your heart coming at ease. Is it natural to feel the same way for more than two people? This feeling inside your heart is the same one you feel when you are around Taehyung.

But now you want to hold Yoongi closer, to feel him closer; with no thoughts on your mind you turn around and kiss him. What surprises you is not how easily Yoongi accepted your kiss but the way Taehyung found a way to creep inside your mind. Taehyung is filling your mind with thoughts of him, Yoongi is slowly making his own way to your heart and you cannot choose who owns your heart.

Every love story is a ghost story. Maybe you don’t have to choose.. Maybe you have found your ghosts.

#ksmutclub #yoongi fanfic #taehyung fanfic #yoongi smut #taehyung smut #yoongi x reader #taehyung x reader #bts fanfic #bts smut #yoongi scenarios #taehyung scenarios #bts supernatural au #yoongi #taehyung #dbn hs

[timextoxhajima]

HOSTIS, Chapter XVII.5: Inevitabilis, Inevitable

HOSTIS PLAYLIST: WONHO - LOSING YOU

Previous Chapter (XVII: Et Universum Parallel)

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz) 

Genre (by chapter): drama, angst

Category: Short Novel/Long Series

Dana’s A/N: this is a special piece written by @vxstarlightxv​ who has been feeding me ideas to fuel this story. i did not write this chapter, i only merely proof-read it/gave her tips etc, but otherwise the beauty of this chapter will never be able to be my own original work.

P.S: if you’re emotional, please keep a box of tissues with you 

“there is no escape from you, not now, not ever. you are inevitable.”

The day the kids at school start calling you Ares is the day Hyunjae loses faith in humanity. You are a spineless, low-life coward, who hardly deserves to be bestowed with the same title as himself. Yet here you are, acting as though you were worth being on the same plane as him.

He hates you. Oh god, he truly does.

He remembers the way you fucked him over so well and thoroughly, and in front of the whole school that too. Granted, he may have screwed with your equipment, but maybe if you didn’t suck so bad you wouldn’t have failed.

Blaming him for your shortcomings. How typical.

But showing Minhee ​that picture of the accidental kiss (that meant ​nothing​) for the sole purpose of destroying his relationship? That was a bitch move right there. So he has no regrets when he posts a cleverly edited picture of your lab teacher with his girlfriend. None at all. In fact, the sight of your tears when that himbo Younghoon dumps you is something that brings him delight.

His heart definitely did not twist when he saw you cry, because he definitely does not care. You hurt him, and it’s only fair that you’re hurting too.

Nonetheless, he is pleasantly surprised at how fast you bounce back. His breakup with Minhee was a huge watery mess, and he cannot help his grudging admiration for your strength when you power through your own with Younghoon.

It is only admiration, for he definitely still hates you.

When the time comes to choose a medical school, he chooses the one that seems the furthest away from you. But fate hates him, so after 4 years of respite, he is dumped back on your doorstep as your fellow intern in the neurology department.

Of all the fucky coincidences.

~~~

Ares is a brutal god. He is the fire of war, wild and relentless.

Hyunjae is furious when he finds out you’ve stolen his report, but he’s not surprised. Not when he would’ve done the same thing. Then again, he was kind of hoping you would leave him alone. Naturally, you’ve done the opposite. He wonders if his emotional response is a little… disproportionate, given the situation, but he’s not going to let you fuck him over like this and escape unscathed. He isn’t a fucking pussy, your thoughts on the matter be damned.

Silly little kitten. Put your paws in the fire, and watch the heat bubble your skin.

He is simmering as he bangs on your door. He hears you screaming some nonsense about your mother, but he’s too pissed to process anything. You open the door, face falling as you see him. He cannot help but reach out a hand and grab you by your pretty throat.

He shoves you into the house, fuelled by the magnitude of his anger. You’ve hurt his pride, made a fool out of him in front of Dr Kim. He wants to shred you to pieces, get you on your knees and rip the apologies from your mouth.

Tonight you will understand why the other gods fear the wrath of Ares.

 ~~~

Hyunjae replays the encounter in his head as he drives home. He has never once considered you as anything but an enemy. But today, something of seismic proportion has shifted in your dynamic.

The flutter of your lips against his, like butterfly wings on a flower. The warmth of your chest against his in a tight alcove, hiding from Dr Shin. The way you felt when you took him in, the way you cried when he hit every single spot that made your toes curl. The way you purred when he called you kitten and mewled as you fell apart on his cock.

In retrospect, he hopes that he didn’t hurt you. He usually likes to stick around for aftercare, but he didn’t want to ruin your pride even more. You’d already been dealt with a devastating blow, and he didn’t want to make it worse, regardless of how big of a dick you think he is.

(Ring, ring)

The sharp blare of his ringtone shatters the silence of his ride home. He glances at the screen, smiling when he sees the caller id.

“What’s up, Juyeonie? Are you finally back?” Hyunjae is thrilled to hear his best friend’s voice. Juyeon is very busy these days, being a commercial pilot and all, so these rare moments they have with each other are more precious than gold.

“Hey, hyung! Yes I am! On that note, are you free next Friday? Let’s get drinks and catch up!” Juyeon sounds so eager and hopeful that Hyunjae can’t help but say yes, no matter how packed his schedule might be. The rest of the conversation proceeds pleasantly, and he is happy to forget the day’s drama.

It is only when he reaches home that he realises that the thought of you has never quite left his head.

~~~

“So what happened? The last I heard, she left you high and dry in JFK.” 

He watches as feline eyes crinkle with delight at his question. His friend launches into a happy tirade about his mystery girl, going on and on about fate and chance encounters and love lost and found. Hyunjae listens carefully, admiring the way Juyeon has changed. He wonders for a moment if he'll ever experience something as profound as Juyeon has, will ever wake up one day knowing that his heart sits in the palms of another person, and will not fear the idea.

The image of your eyes dancing with wicked laughter arises unbidden, and it punches the breath out of him.

He is jostled out of his thoughts when a hand lands on his thigh. It is so abrupt, so sudden that he all but jumps out of his skin.

“Long time no see, stranger.”

Choi Minhee is standing in front of him, batting her mascara-painted eyelashes at him seductively. She is as pretty as ever, with her delicate collarbones and anime-girl eyes.

But she is not you.

The thought is so dreadful and unsettling that he cannot help but flirt with her the whole night in order to get it out of his head.

When have you become anything but an annoyance, anything but a pest that’s been shoved down his throat?

It is pleasant, talking to someone who he hasn’t met in a long time. He remembers her fondly, despite how miserable their parting was. Minhee is soft and kind, a gentle cherry-blossom compared to your ever-burning inferno. She complements him well (not perfectly, because only ​one​person does), and for a second he feels white-hot annoyance at you for fucking him over in this regard. Hyunjae cannot help but wonder if they would have been married by now had you not intervened with that photo. Would they be living the white-picket fence dream? What would their kids have looked like?

All he can see are children with your ash-brown hair and his almond eyes. The image causes his gut to clench so tightly that he wonders if something inside him might have cracked open.

“Have you and Y/N gotten together yet? I figured that after we broke up the two of you would end up going out. You were always kinda obsessed with each other.” The question jolts him out of his reverie. Juyeon, who has been listening politely so far, decides to insert himself into the conversation.

“Yeah, hyung. The two of you have always had something special, right? What was that stupid nickname we gave you? Paris and Helen?”

The irony is not lost to him. Enemies, being compared to the two greatest lovers of all time. A face that launched a thousand ships, a blaze of love that destroyed a nation. Only fools succumb to Aphrodite, the cruelest of the divine hosts.

“Ares and Ares. And for fuck’s sake, I will never be attracted to that hag. You won’t believe what she did at work last week-”

Hyunjae misses the knowing look Minhee and Juyeon exchange. He’s only seeing you.

~~~

If there is one thing that Hyunjae hates, it is surprises. So he really, really hates it when he sees you flirting with the intern as though ​he ​doesn’t exist.

The day had actually started off pretty well. He came into work feeling all pleased with himself. Not only did he break you down, but he also figured out a solid way to keep you in line. You were reacting beautifully to his taunts, and seeing you unable to walk made something vicious inside him preen.

And then, before he can breathe, you are making stupid cow-eyes at the snot-faced little intern as though he created entire galaxies in your honour.

How dare you, honestly? You’re wearing ​his ​hickeys on your neck, limping and ​sore because ​he​ripped you apart last night. How can you even ​think​of flirting with another man? Are you doing this on purpose, to get some semblance of power back?

This is not jealousy. It definitely is NOT jealousy because that would mean he would have to be attracted to your hideous hag face. No, it was an issue of pride. And no, he definitely was not deluding himself right now.

Nonetheless, watching Eric help you into his car after work makes him want to vomit.

~~~

It is the party incident that truly knocks it into his head. He spends the entire night seething over your flirtations with Eric, with even ​Sangyeon. He glares at you, but you pretend to not see, and it shoves him off the edge.

Why won’t you look at him? A room full of people, but you are the only one he sees. So why aren’t you seeing him too?

He reminds you that night, who is the only one who knows how to pick you apart, snap you in half. He reminds you who is the only one who can make your body thrum and vibrate, who is the only one who can coax tears from your eyes and pleasured sobs from your throat. But he is also tender with you after, because under that diamond-hard exterior is a heart wrapped in silks and satin. Hurting you is the last thing he wants to do.

It is only when he wakes up alone in the morning that he realises that maybe, just maybe, he wishes he could see you in his bed again, hair spilled across the sheets as your breathing slowly evens out into slumber. He wants to coo over your keening wails, drink the moans from your mouth.

A thought, fleeting and profound, surfaces.

He wants you to be his.

~~~

He goes to work on Sunday with iron resolve. He has spent the entirety of Saturday thinking hard about you, and the relationship you shared with him. The line between obsession and infatuation is a thin one, one that the two of you have been dancing on for 10 whole years. When did his foot slip? When did the late nights plotting revenge mutate into candied dreams of your lips, of your body, singing for him?

But of course, who else could it be? You have always been, will always be, his forever other half.

Ares and Ares, locked in their death dance. But when did Ares become Aphrodite? War has become Love, and Love has become War.

Somewhere along the way, something has gone wrong. At some point or the other, he has forgotten the hatred that sizzled through him like blazing poison. He has forgotten that you are annoying, that you are competitive, and that you get revenge in the sleaziest ways possible. He has forgotten everything, because all that remains is the way your smile looks like a flashing ray of sunlight, like a tendril of shimmering starlight. All that remains is the sound of your wind chime laughter, the softness of your small hands on his heated skin. All that remains is the memory of how good you are for him, how addictive the juxtaposition between your submissive sweetness in bed and your fiery heat outside of it is.

So he decides that he is going to make you his. Granted, the order of things was completely wrong, but he would fix it. He would cook you dinner, press kisses onto your cherry mouth, and then love you till morning comes. And then he would repeat it every day, till the day the two of you are cradled in the eternal embrace of death.

Surely, surely you reciprocate his feelings? How can you not, when your body weeps for him the way it does?

He likes to think you do, when he admires the way your eyes flutter closed when he steals kisses in the pantry. He likes to think you do, when you stay four hours past your shift and order takeaway for him. He likes to think you do, when you dangle Eric in front of him in order to get him to fuck you ​hard,​just the way you like it.

You are his, now.

~~~

Hyunjae’s love for you grows like tender flowers. It starts off small, but grows into something lovely and heartbreaking. You have carved your way into him, nestling against the walls of his heart and beseeching him to let you in with your stupid almond eyes.

He loves your stupid almond eyes.

He is on a cloud these days, brimming with affection that lights up his every step. He never considered himself to be one of those annoying, lovey-dovey honeymooners, but he can definitely see where they get their joy from.

Lovers alone wear sunlight.

You become his greatest delight. When you are around, even dust seems to sparkle like a thousand tiny diamonds. He loves waking up with you, your eyes half lidded and neck covered in his marks. He loves to see you in his clothes, smelling of his body wash, smelling of ​him.

(He has an extra special fondness for the days in which you are soft and pliant, allowing him to dress you like a doll. It makes his internal organs feel like they are tumbling over each other, and it makes him a little giddy. He loves taking care of you.)

But if he really had to pick a moment, he supposes he loves you most when you are with your patients, hands calm and steady and strong. It reminds him of everything beautiful there is about his profession, and he cannot get enough.

You are beautiful, in all the ways there are to be beautiful. You race through him like lightning, and he is sucked further into your orbit everyday. You carry his heart with you (inside yours), and you are never without it.

So he is overflowing with love when he picks you up and tastes your peach-covered mouth. He is overflowing with love when you smile at him with a sort of lightness that he's never quite seen directed at him before. He is overflowing with love as he goes to your favourite cafe one day to pick up the chowder you never stop talking about. Tonight, he will ask you to be his girlfriend, make this tentative little dance official.

Perhaps that is why the pain is so exquisite when he sees you with Younghoon, and hears you talking about Eric with such tenderness in your eyes.

“​He’s super enthusiastic and there’s just something about him that’s so... comforting. I see him and I think about nothing but sunshine and warmth and laughter. He’s just... so cheerful, compared to whatever i’ve been used to.​​” Something inside him shatters into a million jagged pieces when he hears the words, and every breath becomes as a blood-drenched ordeal.

Sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine and warmth and laughter. The words ring like alarm bells.

Fool. Naive, hopeless fool. You were never really his, were you? You might be the light by which his spirit is born, you might be his sun, moon and stars, but he? He is your nothing. He is the shadow that is birthed of your radiance, forever connected and forever forgotten.

Is this is why storms are named after people? You have destroyed him in the sweetest of ways. Is this taste of heartbreak? Rust coats his tastebuds. Is this how tears are born? The agony is magnificent and all-encompassing. There is nothing left for him here. He has never been enough, never will be.

He leaves quietly, chowder forgotten.

~~~

It is truly repulsive, the fact that he can see what you adore about Eric. The intern is strong and sweet, kind in all the ways Hyunjae is not. He is soft and mellow, and will cool your scalding tantrums with gentle words. He will not stir up the embers of your fury the way Hyunjae does, hoping for a reaction. He will be tender with you, gently laying you out and coaxing your body to sing. He will not be harsh and hard and possessive like Hyunjae, claiming you with bites and bruises and writing his possession into your blood.

He has been measured, and he has been found lacking. Eric is the perfect Hephaesthus, a sweet spring dandelion, and it is no surprise that Zeus will give you to him.

Aphrodite never belonged to Ares, after all.

“Hey, Eric! Do you have a moment?” By some miracle, his voice doesn’t crack.

“Hey, hyung! What can I do for you?” Eric is as mirthful as ever, and Hyunjae wishes they weren’t fighting over the same girl because he might actually ​like the​ intern otherwise.

“Have you gotten Y/N’s number yet?” He pauses to watch the bashful amusement dance across the intern’s face, and waits for the head shake he knows is coming. “Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but she’s very into you. So here’s her number, and make sure you call her, alright?” The teasing lilt he’s going for comes off more as a hoarse croak, and he realises belatedly that he really needs to be less of a shit actor.

“Thank you so much, hyung! But hey, don’t you hate Y/N? Why are you helping her out?” The intern offers him a cheeky grin, and all Hyunjae wants to do is knock his teeth out. But he’s a ​professional,​so he offers Eric a tight smile (read: grimace) and says “Well, maybe I’m hoping you’ll distract her from work so that I’ll get the promotion first.” He tosses a wink in for good measure, before reaching out to ruffle Eric’s hair with a certain sadistic pleasure.

That’s thirty minutes in the bathroom gone down the drain. But that’s what he gets for stealing Hyunjae’s girl.

Of course, because Eric is quite literally an angel who can apparently do no wrong, he gives Hyunjae a sweet smile and rolls away happily in his chair, high off his excitement at finally getting the girl he’s been after for ​ages.

And then Hyunjae is left alone to drown in self-loathing.

Hyunjae is clearly a masochist who likes to hurt himself, so that’s why he decides to tell you to meet him at the carpark after work. One last time, he’ll be the one to drive you home, the one who kisses you goodnight.

He promises he’ll let you go after this.

~~~

The car ride is as quiet as ever. You enjoy being left alone with your thoughts, and Hyunjae isn’t about to interrupt you when he’s being pummeled by his own.

The Japanese once made up a fictional disease to describe the horrors of unrequited love. They call it ​Hanahaki​, in which flowers grow in the lungs of the victims, causing them to cough up petals when they suffer from one-sided love.

He supposes that it is the exact feeling that he feels now. His love for you coils in his chest, choking leaves and thorns that crush his internal organs. It is rooted so deep that it might never leave, killing him softly but surely. The petals tickle his throat in an insidious kiss as he chokes on his desire for you, their softness a poisonous taunt of your lips against his, a feeling he might never know again.

“Are you okay?” Your voice is a balm to his wounded heart.

Of course he’s not okay. He’s in love with you, but you’re not in love with him. He knows that he is nothing without you, and that knowledge is somehow everything.

All this time he wanted to make you his, but you have made him yours.

He cannot form words, so he looks at you, really, really looks at you. He memorises the contours of your face, the slender bone of your nose, the tilt of your eyes, the exact shade of red your lips are. He'll hold every little detail close, remember the last night you're his and his alone, because tomorrow Eric will ask you out and his Aphrodite will never be his again.

He wants to pretend like the sudden moisture in his eyes is surprising, but he can't lie to himself anymore.

Liar, liar. Ares is a liar.

Is this how Lucifer felt when he fell from heaven? You are life, you are life and light and everything bright. And he is cold, dark and alone. He has fallen from grace, and all that is left are the coiling tendrils of hubris keeping his spine straight and gluing the shattered pieces of his heart together. He is heartbroken, but he will clench his teeth and grit through it. Your joy is worth it. His ego won't let him fall apart. He's stronger than this. Isn't he?

Break my heart. Break it into a thousand pieces and then some. It was only ever yours to break anyways.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Anyways, we’re here now. Get out already.” Your scoff is musical. He is aching and he is broken, so he does not have the strength to resist the screaming in his head to steal one last kiss from you. He luxuriates in the feeling of your petal-soft lips against his, before pulling away reluctantly.

Everything is more beautiful because the two of you are doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. You will never share this moment again.

“Goodbye, kitten.”

The words are far more permanent than he likes. You don’t hear them.

His tears run as he pulls out of your driveway. He allows himself one last look at you, confusion blossoming on the face he once swore was hideous but now haunts his every moment.

Love is fire. It burns as much as it warms, and he is the poor fool who allowed himself to get scarred.

~~~

Crossing the line from enemies to lovers was a wheeling drop of ecstasy and biting kisses. Crossing the line from lovers back to co-workers is a study in heartbreak, and Hyunjae doesn't know how much longer he can handle it.

How do I forget you? I've tasted your secrets on my lips and drank the whispers of your body. You are the weakness in my bones and the hollowness in my lungs. How do I cleave my soul from yours, when you are the drum that my heart beats to?

It is an awful sort of pain, feeling his chest cave in when he watches Eric roll over to you from his cubicle. You find him cute, it's obvious from the way your eyes crinkle like little stars when you regard him.

Look at me. Look only at me.

You look up, searching for his eyes like you’ve heard his prayer. You're expecting jealousy, disdain, fury. You're expecting him to drag you to the pantry, to call you ​kitten ​and kiss you till you bleed. But Hyunjae has no more poison to offer you. He is empty, and all he can do is give you a blank look. He hopes you will be happy, silently wishing you the best.

Hephaestus gets Aphrodite, and all Ares can do is watch. Bloody, brutal Ares is never the winner.

His lack of response throws you off. By now, you are used to his hissy fits, his seething rages. But who is he? What right does he have? You are not his to rage over, or his to claim. You might wear his marks on your neck, but you are definitely not ​his.

How he wishes you were. But wishes are like pixie dust, and this is no fairytale.

The rest of the day is agonising. His body is so keenly attuned to yours now, and he doesn’t know how to rewire himself. He keeps a cool distance from you, but every molecule in his being roars in fury at the forced detachment.

He misses you already.

You continue to press him, trying to push his buttons and rile him up. Hyunjae studiously ignores you, hoping his coldness will further fray the ropes holding up the fragile bridge of a relationship that the two of you have developed. You are looking at him with a strange mix of anger, disdain and annoyance. For a second, he thinks he might even see-

Is that? Could it be? Longing? Do you miss him like he misses you?

Wishful thinking. That’s what it is. But it hurts so bad that he decides that he’s just going to avoid you from now on, until he finds a more appropriate coping mechanism than simply crying like a toddler when he can’t get his way.

Maybe he should call Minhee, and try to rekindle-

He cuts the thought off before it dredges up more painful memories. All he can see when he thinks of Minhee are the one-thousand-and-one different ways you exceed her.

You’re fiercer, with more spine. You don’t give in as easily. You’re not afraid to fight with him. You have a kinder heart. You are so much smarter. Your lips are softer. Your hand fits into his so much more perfectly. You are lovely in all the ways she never was, never will be.

It is a numbing, novocaine relief when Dr Choi summons him for rounds. If Hyunjae is left for even a second longer with his thoughts, he might just spiral into a pit of depressed longing and self pity that he might never emerge from.

Mighty Ares, on his knees. Aphrodite’s laughter perfumes the air, irresistible and menacing.

~~~

He is on his final round when he meets Mrs Kang. The kind, old lady takes one look at him, eyes lighting up with knowledge that he wishes she wasn’t able to glean so easily.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Well he doesn’t, but the words explode out of his bleeding heart like ink spilling on ivory pages.

“I... I thought that it would be okay, that I could forget and let go and that it would all be fine and good but then… I saw her--” his voice cracks miserably as a lump etches itself into his throat. His heart is racing, and every inhale feels like swallowing glass shards.

“I saw her and something went terribly wrong because I couldn’t forget and my heart was remembering and I felt like I was dying but I couldn’t do anything because all I want is for her to be happy and I know that happiness isn’t with me and I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT.”

Mrs Kang is silent, regarding him with a look he can’t quite decipher. He takes it as an invitation to continue.

“I wish I was him. I wish I was the one who could make her smile, make her laugh. But I’m angry, I’m jealous and I’m immature. I’m overly competitive, and I don’t know how to lose graciously. When I’m pissed, I do stupid, radical things.”

Silence. Inside, outside. It is deafening.

“Why would she want me? I don’t deserve her, and knowing that I’ll have to live my life watching her in another man’s arms is ripping me apart.”

He’s breathing hard, like he just ran a marathon. It’s a terrifying prospect, facing his feelings head on. Until now, they were swirling around his head in an ugly tangle of emotion. Verbalising them, hearing them out loud, is painful and cathartic at once. But he’s already feeling like a pathetic little sap. He wonders if you would sneer at him if you heard. Is this what it feels like to lose? Is this how you felt, lifetimes ago, on your sofa? The two of you have always been push and pull, a forever impasse. But today, you’ve finally shoved him off balance.

Who is the stronger Ares now? Your kisses are his kryptonite.

A hand comes to rest over his.

“Love always finds a way. I know you’re feeling hopeless now, but know that if you are meant for each other, you will always find your way back,” Mrs Kang finishes with a gentle smile. The pretty words do not reassure him.

If only love was as perfect as love seems to be, if only his flaws and broken edges could be hidden away. But this is a dream that will never come to life, a flower that will never grow to bloom.

She does not know who it is that he is fighting with, who it is that is slipping away from him with every passing second. She thinks that it will be okay, but she does not know that Ares has no mercy. He expects none from you. Nonetheless, he gives her a watery grin in return before standing up to complete his rounds. He may have lost, but he has enough composure to know better than to break in public.

It is a monumental effort, holding it together.

Hyunjae makes it to the lift in peace, stepping in through the shiny doors and slamming the button for the fifth floor. When they slide open, the sight before him makes his heart drop like a wineglass.

You and Eric are standing across him, hand in hand. Eric’s foot is tapping impatiently, eager to drag you off to wherever he was taking you for dinner.

For a second, he loses control over his emotions. Agony crumples his face, and you, because you’re just that smart and just that perceptive, register it. He doesn’t have the heart to pretend anymore.

Hyunjae brushes past the two of you, ignoring your questioning look, ignoring Eric’s cheerful greeting, and most importantly ignoring the writhing in his chest. He goes straight for his briefcase and shoves his belongings in, flicking the lights off and rushing to the carpark. He does not want to see anyone. He does not want to process anything.

He is empty. So, so empty, and hollow. The void inside him threatens to consume him whole.

The moment he reaches home, he goes straight to his spirits. There’s a bottle of whiskey sitting in the top most shelf of his kitchen, a birthday gift from his father. He pulls it down, slamming the glass decanter onto the kitchen counter, and the pressure nearly cracks it open.

He remembers the sight of you pressed up against this very counter, squirming under his ministrations. He remembers your lips fall open in a sigh, and then to beg. He remembers standing between your thighs, feeding you and then licking cream off your lips. Memories swirl through his head, cutting through his ribcage and slicing his heart open.

He doesn’t bother to grab a glass, pouring the scorching liquid down his throat. It claws at him, and he welcomes the pain.

Love is cruel, love is cold. When it kills, it does it slow.

He knows the tears are coming. The pressure has been building in his head for the last twenty-four hours. They fall as he walks over to the living room, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

The mirror you clutched when you moaned wretchedly, promising him that HE was the only one who could ever ruin you this way.

He lifts the bottle, forcing himself to look his reflection in the eye as he drinks a toast to Eric. ​Here’s to you, buddy.

His reflection sneers back, bloodshot and desolate. A half of a whole, incomplete. This is what he is without you.

Hyunjae sinks to the ground, bottle thumping down on the carpet. It rolls once, twice, and rivulets of alcohol splash across the floor. Another memory lunges up.

There is nothing more striking than red on white. Blood on snow. Wine on cream skin, tracing paths his eager tongue follows. A hiss of anger that softens into a sigh.

The sofa smells like you. The study smells like you. You are everywhere, and it breaks him, tearing a wail of grief out of his chest.

One day, the smell of you will fade. You will slip between his fingers like the wisp of a dream, and all he will be left with is the recollection of the fleeting seconds you were his and his alone.

Too much. This is too much. He cannot think, he cannot see, he cannot ​breathe,​without being haunted by you. You are in every orifice, in every nook and cranny and cell. You are in the water of his blood and in the porous hollows of his bones. You are in the fibre between his atoms, you are in the electricity racing across his neurons. 

There is no escape from you, not now, not ever.

You are inevitable.

(Knock, knock)

It takes him a moment to realise that the pounding is not from the blood rushing in his head, but from someone impatiently banging on his door. He picks himself off the floor, not bothering to fix his appearance.

By now, you must be in Eric’s arms. He would kiss you softly, like summer rain. You would sigh into his lips, and he would look at you like you hung the moon. He would take you home, and press more kisses into your silk skin as he whispers his love. One day, he would get on one knee and present you with a diamond. You would say yes, because Eric is sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine. Warmth. Laughter.

This, this is what you deserve. Not him, not his twisted mess of anger and jealousy. He is a stinging scorpion, and you deserve more than his petty poisons. But his heart still lurches at the thought of you, nestled into Eric.

The gods have always feared Aphrodite more than Ares. He thinks he can finally understand why.

He swings the door open, and once again forgets how to breathe, forgets how to think, forgets that he kinda hates you but now kinda loves you because there you are, raindrops glistening in your eyelashes, and you eclipse every star in the sky. There is nothing but you and you alone, and his withered little heart is shooting to life because ​that’s just what you do to him. There’s so much he wants to say, so many thoughts tumbling through his head. But he’s a frightful, useless coward, so all that flies out of his mouth is:

“Why the fuck are you--”

And then your lips are cushioned against his, kissing the venom out of him. He cannot help the sigh he breathes into your mouth at the way your body slots so perfectly against his.

Home, home is in your arms. He has been running all his life, and you have always been his only destination.

Tears slip out, hot and fast, washing the festering wound inside him clean. The cracked pieces of his soul begin to lift up and fuse together.

The light of a thousand suns slices through the void in him, and the darkness melts like ice on a hot summer day.

He is shuddering, wrecked by the sheer ​force​ of the emotions in him. But you are holding him tight, so very tight. He hopes you will never let him go. ​Never ever, ever let him go.

He is yours, and you are his. Where he ends, you begin and where you end, he begins. There is nothing else, no one else, because there was never anyone for him but you. Love not at first sight, or even the second, but at last sight and at ever and ever sight.

When you finally pull away to murmur the words he would have never even dreamed of hearing from you, it’s like starlight is filling the dusty hollows of his chest, sewing the pieces that have fallen apart back into the tapestry that is you. He is surprised, he really is, but something inside him has always known, has always clung to the hope that you would choose him, despite everything.

All that matters, is that you’ve come back to him. You are the only truth he’s ever known.

~~~ 

Later in the evening, when the two of you are spent from your love-making and coiled so tightly that your breaths have become one, Hyunjae takes a moment to contemplate the situation. You have won this competition between the two of you. You have planted yourself as first in his life, and for once (​and of course, the only time ever, because he is still going to get that damn promotion before you)​, he is happy to cede to you. This is what love is, to break and to be broken, to be full and to be empty, to win and to lose. He would have it no other way. All that he is, and all that he will be, center around the axis that is you.

Do you feel like this too? Like your heart is bursting from the seams?

You sigh in your sleep, seemingly agreeing. He loves you so much, it hurts. But there is one final thing to do.

He lifts his head to the stars, who have been waiting for this collision of souls for a long, long time.

Thank you, he whispers.

And for once, Zeus smiles down on his Ares.

ENDING THOUGHTS:

First of all, a very big thank you to everyone who made it to the end!! This piece has been a wild, emotional ride from start to finish and I understand that the sudden change in style can be jarring for some. As such, I am very grateful to everyone who took the time to read it :)

Hyunjae has always been a very complicated character. We’ve seen him through Y/N’s eyes for the last 17 or so chapters, and she is definitely not the most reliable of narrators. Many of her thoughts regarding his actions and motivations are shadowed by her own negative emotions, and he has come off as a rather poisonous character, except for the rare moments of tenderness he seems to show. Hopefully this will help you get a glimpse into Hyunjae’s psyche, in a way that is untainted by Y/N. I’ve seen many of your asks about Hyunjae and his behaviour, and perhaps you will see this as a sort of redemption for him, in the sense that he is so much deeper and complex than the seething neanderthal Y/N sees him as.

Writing this was a challenge nonetheless, and I think we should all be very grateful to Dana for powering through Y/N and Hyunjae’s story, given how much of a hot mess this couple is! It’s very hard to write an enemies-to-lovers fic without it coming off as corny and shallow, and she had the double struggle of writing that dynamic in a medical setting. The fact that we’re all whipped for these two is testament to her brilliant writing, so let’s all say a big thank you for that :))

Before I end, I’d like to pay homage to some of the writers that have inspired this fic. Reading through, you will see quotes inspired by the likes of Nabokov, Cummings and Homer. If I’m not wrong, there’s a little bit of Sarah J Maas and Caitlyn Siehl in there as well. And of course, who can forget the little bits of mythology peeking out here and there? If you happened to notice these references, feel free to scream in Dana’s ask box! It’ll be fun to read your thoughts :)

Once again, a very big thank you for following Hostis so devotedly, and showering Dana with your love. I hope you’ll continue to give her all your love and support the rest of her works.

(P.S Did anyone notice Pilot! Juyeon? If you didn’t, you should 1000% check out his story too, here.)

Love Always,

V

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter XVIII: Renuntiatio

#hyunjae #lee hyunjae #the boyz #the boyz hyunjae #the boyz lee hyunjae #timetohajima #timetohajima hostis

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Commitment issues [Dean Winchester x Reader]

Title: Commitment issues Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word count: 3.7k Published: 9 July, 2020 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Summary: You broke up with Dean, in fear of losing him both as a friend and a lover, but Dean doesn’t like the options he has been given.

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It was 8am on the morning, you were taking care of your morning routine in the bathroom. It was rather early and you very well knew that Sam was out to get something to eat as the fridge has been emptied out by his brother last night. Dean was still asleep in his room, so you didn't take any of your cloths with you. You wrapped yourself in your towel, knowing noone would interrupt you. Or so you thought.

As you walked out of the shared bathroom, closing the door behind you, you ran into something hard. You felt arms around your waist steading you. You looked up to meet two emerald green irises, realising Dean was holding onto you with a mischievous look on his face.

"Well, what a pleasant surprise. Is it my birthday?" He chuckled, but you just huffed in an annoyed tone.

"Shut up, Dean." You rolled your eyes, removing his hands from your waist, walking around him. You barely took a few steps before his arms wrapped around your torso once again, dipping his head into the crook of your neck.

"Come on, love. Stop this already." He heaved a deep sigh, making your skin shiver.

"We have talked about this, Dean." You spoke, massaging your temple as you felt a slight headache thumping in the front of your skull.

"Yes, we have. And you are being completely unreasonable." He huffed, but didn't move away. He kept himself hidden in your neck, which made it very hard for you to think clearly.

"I am not being unreasonable. I told you, I need you to be my friend." You repeated yourself once again, just like the previous hundred times.

"I can be your friend and your lover. You know I love you and I know you love me. Stop this already and just let it happen." He tried to convince you, but it never worked for him. It just always ended up being a huge argument, causing you to not speak to each other for days.

You turned around in his arms, placing your hands on his hard chest, enjoying the feeling of his warmth against your palm. It was hard to stay away from him, of course you loved him, you didn't break up, because you didn't love each other, you broke up with him, because you never wanted to lose him.

You looked up into his eyes and placed a palm on his cheek, which he comfortably leaned into.

"I told you so many times, Dean. Why do I have to keep repeating myself? I would rather have you as a friend, close to me, by my side, than to lose you." You tried to make him understand in the softest tone you could manage.

"You will not lose me." He placed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, taking your scent in.

"But I will. You still don't understand. We broke up peacefully and this way we could stay friends. But if we start dating again, how do you know that there will not be problems, that we will not part in a nasty way. I can't handle losing you. I'd rather have you close as a friend, knowing that you will be by my side, than to lose both a friend and a lover at the same time." You were almost begging him to understand, but he was a hard nut to crack.

"So you expect me to act as if we were just friends? I can't just put my feelings aside and frankly, I don't understand, how can you." He raised his voice and leaned away from you, taking back a step, removing his hands from your waist.

"I'm sorry, but I can. You are too important to me to just give it up for a fling." You shook your head in disagreement.

"A fling? We love each other and you call that a fling?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"You know that's not what I meant. I am trying to tell you that if we stay friends, I can be next to you for years or even decades. But if we start it all over again, how do you know we will not break up in a year?" You wanted to make him see your side, but he just shook his head.

"We have been best friends for years, before we even got together. I know everything about you. I know that you like to tug the duvet between your legs, so your knees don't touch. I know that you always buy two burgers for yourself and hide one in the pocket of your jacket so noone knows that you have quite a big appetite." He smirked at the thought and it made you return his expression. He stepped closer, cupping your face as he continued. "I know that you scrunch up your nose when you are thinking very hard about something. I know that you have a hard exterior and always try to act though, but you hide the spiders you find in the bunker, in a little jar and free them later, because you can't get yourself to kill them. I know you and I know I love every little quirky part of your personality. Isn't that enough?" His tone was gentle, loving and you just wanted to hug him and pull him as close as you could to tell him that you were there for him and you believed him. But you couldn't.

"Honestly, I love that you know so much about me, but it's not enough. It doesn't prove that we are not going to have a huge fight that later which will break us up. What if I did something dumb? Like get jealous and go all possessive on your ass? You would be angry at me and I wouldn't be able to let it go and we would fight and it would get nasty." You attempted to convince him once again, but he just smiled.

"I would just think that you are adorable and I would prove you that I am all yours." He winked at you playfully, but you just heaved a deep sigh.

"You don't understand. What if we have a huge fight and we break up? I would lose you." You groaned in annoyance.

"No, you wouldn't. We would sit down and talk it through." He tried to reassure you.

"No, I don't want to risk it. I want you to be my friend, nothing more, nothing less." You spoke firmly and you could see his body become tense as he stood back.

"If you continue like this you will lose me as a friend as well." He said as he walked around you, heading towards his room.

"Come on, Dean!" You shouted after him, but he didn't listen. He loudly shut the door of his room, ignoring your desperate calls. You heaved a deep sigh and massaged the back of your neck to release the tension built up in your body out of frustration.

You walked back to your room to dress up in your usual black clothings, then headed to the kitchen, sitting down at the table, waiting for Sam and Dean to get ready. Sam has previously told Bobby that you would go over to him to see if he was okay. At first he was quite reluctant, trying to get rid of you all, but soon he changed his mind. You were glad. He was like a father figure to you since the moment your parents got murdered and he took you in. You looked up to him even when he was getting on your nerves with his wise-ass behaviour.

However your happiness quickly disappeared when you heard that Bobby invited both Jo and Ellen. You didn't have problem with the latter, but knowing and witnessing Jo's and Dean's relationship develop was hard enough to watch before, you definitely didn't want to see them cozying up to each other once again.

You heaved a deep sigh, hiding your face behind your palms, wanting to forget about everything and anything that recently happened between you and Dean. It was exhausting and complicated and you knew it was all your fault, but you just needed his friendship. Loving him was hard, but you dared to sacrifice that, so you could stay by each other's side.

"Ready?" Sam asked, standing in the doorway as Dean was already walking up to the entrance door. You nodded and followed the boys, closing the door harshly behind yourself. You took your seat behind Dean in the Impala, feeling a clear tension between the two of you. You knew he was pissed and that forced silence and ignorance he was giving you, confirmed your thoughts.

The ride was silent, even Sam didn't dare to interrupt, other than for a toilet and snack break. After about 6 hours of travelling, Dean finally pulled into Bobby's yard, parking the Impala in front of the porch. You all got out of the car, but by the time you closed the door behind you, you saw Jo embracing Dean in a big hug. You snorted in annoyance, causing Sam to chuckle.

"Shut up..." You told him, trying to act as if nothing happened, but Sam knew better. You walked up the old, creaking wooden stairs to the porch where you nodded towards Jo and Ellen, before walking around them to greet Bobby with a big hug. You didn't have a personal issue with Jo, you knew she was a tough girl who was also very smart and kind, but that just fuelled your jealousy even more.

"Good to see you, Little one." Bobby greeted you as you hugged his big bear-like frame.

"Good to see you too. You look awful, I hope you know that." You chuckled as you looked at the ever growing beard covering his jaw. "You need to shave, before this gets out of hand." You pulled on his beard, but he just pushed your hand away.

"I'm a man. Men are hairy." He stated with a grin across his face, which you simply nodded at.

You walked into the house watching as Bobby ushered both Dean and Sam after you. You sat down in the living room in an armchair by the side of the sofa, while Sam, Bobby and Ellen took a seat on the couch. Dean took his place on another armchair across form you with Jo sitting on the armrest.

"Would you like to drink a beer?" Ellen asked, but before any of you could have answered, she was already on her way to the kitchen.

Everyone was talking about little nothings, which honestly frustrated you. You were fighting monsters, you were not supposed to just sit around and do nothing. But of course, that wasn't the main source of your frustration. Seeing Dean and Jo being way too cozy with each other, giggling at one another and having fun, made you tense. Every time Jo held onto Dean' bicep, you wanted to walk over to tell her that he was your man. But he wasn't and you knew how dumb you were to be jealous.

After an hour of watching the lovely couple feeling more and more comfortable with each other, stealing little touches from one another, you got bored of watching it. You rolled your eyes and decided to go and release some tension. You stood up abruptly and placed your bottle of beer on the counter, before heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam called after you, but you just pulled your gun out of your belt and showed it to him from behind, not even wanting to turn around, fearing to catch a glimpse of the cozy little couple.

You walked to the back of Bobby's building, where a big green land was waiting for you, behind his junk yard. Bobby was keeping some vegetables and fruits in a basket that he used to practice shooting. You placed the rotten fruits on each wooden log, standing on the field, using them as targets. You stepped back, concentrated and started shooting. Using your gun always made you feel a bit lighter, a bit less stressed, a bit less confused. It didn't solve your problems, but it certainly helped your frustration to be kept in control. You have done 3-4 rounds, firing your bullets into each and every objects, not even missing one.

"Well done." You heard as you quickly turned around, your gun still raised in your hands. You heaved a deep sigh and lowered your weapon, loosening your grip on it.

"Sorry, didn't hear you coming." You said as you took another batch of apples and put them on the wooden logs.

"How long are you planning to dance around each other?" Bobby asked, making you turn abruptly, almost getting a whiplash.

"Really, Bobby? You want to talk about relationship issues?" You asked with a sceptical tone.

"Believe me, the last thing I want to know is what you and Dean are doing behind closed doors, but what you do to him and to yourself is affecting others too." You scoffed at his reply and started shooting again, ignoring his presence. "You know this is my house, right?" He asked, making you frown. "I have plenty of time. I am not going anywhere." He smirked, but you simply rolled your eyes, before you finished your round and gave your attention to him.

"I don't want to talk about this. This is between him and me." You shrugged, not wanting to say more, but Bobby thought otherwise.

"You know, Little one, I love you, but you are seriously acting dumb. Like a whole lot of dumb." He grimaced.

"Don't you start as well." You warned him with an expressionless face.

"I am not starting anything. I don't think I raised you to be scared." He scoffed.

"I am not scared." You raised your voice.

"Yes, you are. You are scared of commitment. But you forget that in our line of work, there might not even be a tomorrow." He attempted to convince you and for once you couldn't reply. "If I understand this whole situation well, you are trying to stay friends, so you don't have to part ways. But pushing your feelings aside, instead of enjoying the moment, when you could be murdered tomorrow, is plain dumb." You scoffed at his last sentence.

"Oh please. We have lived through years and we are still here." You turned away to put another batch of fruits on the wooden logs, but he got hold of your wrist and stopped you.

"No, you don't get it. Do you think I have ever thought that it would be my hands that'd kill Karen? Back then I didn't even know what this world was. I barely scratched the surface." He explained, but you cut him off.

"Bobby..." You tried to stop him, but to no avail.

"Don't Bobby me." He cut you off. "In one second I had a beautiful wife, who I loved dearly, the next I killed her with my own hands. You never know what will come to you the next day and you can't comprehend how guilty I feel not just for ending her life, but not giving her enough love, for not being by her side in her last days." He spoke in a harsh tone

"That's a different...."You attempted to cut in, but he didn't let you.

"It's not different. You don't want to lose him, but you don't want to be with him. You love each other, so you can't be friends again. If you decide not to be with him, then cut him off. You can't keep pretending that you can live next to each other, when you clearly can't. However if you want to stay by his side, then go to him, tell him you love him and be with him for God's sake, because you can lose him any time. Not by a break up. There are far worse ways to lose someone in this world." His words cut deep and you knew he was right, but you were way too stubborn to just agree with him. You didn't reply, nor did you look at him. You just stood there, replaying his words in your head. "I will leave you to yourself. It's a decision you have to make, but you have to deal with the consequences as well." He said as he went back into the house.

Bobby's words rang through your mind. You wanted to be with Dean, you loved him. You wanted to cuddle up to him while watching his favourite series on his laptop. You wanted to open your eyes on the morning, laying under his arms across your waist. You wanted to get his sweet temple and neck kisses like he has given you so many times before. But you didn't want to lose him and you were scared of breaking up.

"What you up to?" You heard his deep, husky voice. He was the last person you needed right now.

"Relaxing." You replied expressionless.

"You can relax in the house too." He said with a cheeky grin.

"Thanks, I'm good. You are the one who is expected inside." You spoke again.

"Expected?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Jo is probably missing your company already." You scoffed.

"Are you jealous?" He asked with a big, cheerful smile, but you just looked at him with a deadly expression across your face. Of course you were, you just didn't want him to know. It was meant to be just a snarky comment.

"You wish." You shook your head.

"Yeah, I do." He chuckled, playfully. "And I wish you would finally change your mind though." He spoke again in a more serious tone.

"Look Dean, you told me yourself. In our lives, we do not have the luxury to get attached." You argued.

"Yeah, we do not have the luxury to get attached to normal people, but we are not normal. We are hunters. You are by my side each and every time we go to hunt, you know how I feel, how I think, I don't have to keep secrets from you. I would want the apple pie, white fence, comfortable dream life with you, but we can't do that. At least I want to try being with you in this screwed up life, we have." He tried to convince you and you knew you were breaking. Both Bobby and Dean had very good points.

"So what if I lose you? What if we break up?" You asked.

"Again this? We have known each other for years. I think, I have proved you enough that I want to stay with you for as long as I can, you are just unable to get that into that stubborn little head of yours." He heaved a deep sigh, while massaging his temple. "Whatever." He whispered, as he turned away and started walking back to the house.

"Fuck this!" You told more to yourself, before you walked after Dean, got hold of his wrist and turned him back around. He had a rather surprised expression, but you didn't care. You chuckled at his face and grabbed the collar of his flannel shirt, pulling him closer to you, attaching your lips to his.

He didn't hesitate, a couple of seconds after his initial shock, he kissed you back, wanting to feel your lips against his once again. He placed his hands on your waist, pulling you even closer to him, not wanting to leave any space between you. You ran your fingers across his neck, digging into his short hair at the back of his head, tugging on the ends, making him growl. You smiled into the kiss, but it quickly got swept off your face as his tongue licked across your lower lip, making you moan in pleasure, as he was asking for entrance.

The kiss was heated, but loving, making you want to stay in the moment, but air was much needed and Dean broke the kiss. He didn't leave your closeness though, he placed his forehead against yours with closed eyes.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, trying to organise his breathing.

"Because I love you. And because I think I realised that if I lost you, I would always feel guilty for not being with you, for not showing you how much I loved you." You replied in a soft tone as you hinted a sweet, little peck on his lips. You could hear the deep light sigh leaving his lungs. His grin was nowhere, a loving smile appeared on his face this time.

"Well, I'm not that easy to get rid off, so I guess you will have to be stuck with me for quite a long time." His smile grew bigger, along with yours.

"I don't think I mind." You chuckled and hugged him, placing your face into the crook of his neck.

"I love you." He kissed your temple in a sweet manner.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like and/or reblog the fic. Thank you :) 

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

#dean winchester #deanwinchester #dean #dean x reader #dw #dean winchester x reader #sam #sam winchester #samwinchester #sw #winchester #winchesters #winchester brothers #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #spn #fanfiction

[ibijau]

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

After finding out exactly how Nie Huaisang feels about him, Lan Xichen tries to get a grip on his emotions and to figure out what to do next.

The evening after it, Lan Xichen doesn’t go to the dining halls. He doesn’t dine at all, in fact. When his uncle asks about it later, he says that he got too deep in meditation and didn’t notice the time. It’s not quite true, and he doesn’t think Lan Qiren believes him.

Lan Xichen does lose track of time that afternoon though. After what happened, it takes him a while to sort out the way he feels.

The first emotion he can identify, once he stops crying and drags himself to his bed, is anger, fuelled by jealousy. He’s angry that Nie Huaisang, not for the first time, toyed with his emotions and pretended to flirt with him only to hurt him. He’s angry that Nie Huaisang once again treated their engagement so lightly, even after Lan Xichen closed his eyes on his previous betrayal. He’s angry that someone else got to touch Nie Huaisang when it is now so clear that he never will. He’s angry that he’s not angry enough to hate Nie Huaisang, even after this. He’s angry at the pain he’s feeling and the way he can't make it stop. He’s angry at everything.

That rage rolls and rises like a wave before coming crashing down as night falls, leaving behind a mess of guilt and sorrow.

If there was still any doubt in his mind about the way Nie Huaisang feels about him, it is now gone. His fiancé hates him, plain and simple.

Not for the first time, Lan Xichen wonders if his father too went through that realisation, and whether it was before or after forcing his wife to marry him. He hopes it was after, that his father was too naive to see the truth before. It is hard enough to be the child of such parents without having to face exactly how twisted their marriage was.

Because this is where Lan Xichen’s understanding of his father stops. If he had a choice, he would call off the engagement this instant. In fact it is so tempting to grab paper and beg Nie Mingjue to put an end to this cruel joke, because he loves Nie Huaisang too much to see him waste away as his mother did. How his father could bear it, he doesn’t understand. To love a person with all the passion Qingheng-Jun is said to have felt for his wife, and still keep them like a caged bird with broken wings… 

But there’s a war coming, and this isn’t just an engagement, it’s an alliance against a sect that threatens all their lives. Even if Lan Xichen asked to break this off, Nie Mingjue would have to refuse. Even if Nie Mingjue agreed, Lan Qiren and Qingheng-Jun would argue with him to change his mind. The feelings of two boys don’t matter when compared to what awaits if their sects do not stand together. Lan Xichen’s only hope is that the situation somehow de-escalates, that the Wen realise they cannot push much further before the other great sects have no choice but to push back. 

A fool’s hope.

Men like Wen Ruohan and his sons are born for war, and they will all pay the price of Qishan Wen’s ambitions.

Still, Lan Xichen, in the little hours of the morning, promises himself he will not profit from this forced marriage the way his father did. It was already wrong of him to force himself upon Nie Huiasang the way he did (and he does not, cannot, refuses to think how good it was to kiss Nie Huaisang, how even through the guilt he’d give anything to do it again, if only there was a way to make his fiancé want him). The rules of Gusu Lan are strict on such matters, and Lan Xichen will have to see what punishment he earned. 

He’ll do better in the future. He’ll see if Nie Huaisang can be given his own house, as Lan Qiren once suggested was possible. He’ll leave Nie Huaisang free to return to the Unclean Realm as often as he likes, as long as he likes, and to visit his friends in Lotus Piers or (Lan Xichen’s mind rebel at the idea, his stomach heaves, anger not quite as appeased as he had thought, but he forces it down because he has no right to make demands, no rights to tell Nie Huaisang who to be friends with, who to love even, if that’s what it is) in Carp Tower. And then, when the war that they all fear has happened, if they have, won, if they still live… then Lan Xichen will do what’s right and find a way to have their marriage annulled. 

Lan Xichen refuses to become his father.

When dawn rises, Lan Xichen is exhausted but confident that things, one way or another, will be fine.

That confidence lasts until he reaches the dining halls for breakfast and sees Nie Huaisang sitting with Jiang Cheng, chatting about something. His fiancé's face is pale, he has dark lines under his eyes, as if he did not sleep either, and he shows even less appetite than usual for the meal before him. Yet when their eyes meet, Nie Huaisang’s gaze is challenging. 

It occurs to Lan Xichen that after what the other boy told him, it would be easy to get him in terrible trouble. What for, though? Nie Huaisang already hates him enough. All Lan Xichen can do is, once again, promise him that he will keep this secret as well.

Jiang Cheng, noticing that his friend is distracted, follows his gaze until he spots Lan Xichen. He must not like what he sees, because he immediately puts a protective arm around Nie Huaisang’s shoulder.

In an instant, the anger that Lan Xichen had so carefully extinguished flares up again. He wonders if Jiang Cheng too… 

Lan Xichen hurriedly leaves the dining halls without having eaten anything. His cultivation is good enough that it's not a problem, and going hungry is better than taking the risk of letting his emotions explode in public. Luckily he does not have classes that morning, so he is free to return home, and meditate some more in a vain attempt to stop crying. 

When the bell for lunch rings, Lan Xichen ignores it. He has only just regained control of himself and cannot lose it again. It can't last forever, sooner or later he'll need to eat. There's still over a month left until the guest disciples leave, Lan Xichen knows he cannot stay without food that long. He knows, also, that he doesn't feel ready to face Nie Huaisang yet.

It's mid-afternoon when Lan Xichen hears someone come into the house, followed by a careful but familiar knock on his bedroom's door. Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, rises from his bed, checks that it is not too obvious that he has been crying, and puts on a smile. 

"Come in, Wangji." 

His brother enters the room, carrying a tray with food. Seeing this, Lan Xichen's smile grows a little more sincere. 

"You didn't have to," he says, coming closer to take the tray and put it down on his desk. 

"Brother missed several meals," Lan Wangji replies, some worry seeping through his normally unemotional tone. "Brother looks unwell." 

Lan Xichen sits down at his desk, and inspects the content of the tray. The dish there is one that he particularly enjoys, in spite of his efforts to follow the rule against preferences. It could be a coincidence, but… 

"Wangji, did you make this for me?" he asks, to which he brother nods. "You shouldn't have. I'm not unwell, I just have something on my mind. But thank you, I'm very grateful you made such efforts for me." 

As Lan Xichen starts eating (he was starving, he realises) his brother comes to sit near him. Lan Xichen feels a little guilty for causing him to worry, especially when Lan Wangji probably has other things to do. He needs to get himself under control as soon as possible to stop causing trouble. 

"Did something happen with Nie gongzi?" Lan Wangji asks after a moment, sitting down next to his brother. 

Nearly choking on his food, Lan Xichen throws him a startled look. 

"What makes you think that?" 

"If it were anything else, Brother would have told Uncle," Lan Wangji points out. "But on the matter of Nie gongzi, Brother keeps everything to himself." 

Lan Xichen grimaces, poking at his food. 

"I'm not hearing that from you when I still am not allowed to mention Wei Wuxian in your presence." 

It is, perhaps, a low blow to speak of that now, but Lan Xichen has yet to find a more efficient way to make his brother drop a conversation. This time though, it doesn't work. 

"Is Brother's situation similar to mine with Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji asks instead. 

Lan Xichen considers that for a moment, despondently looking at his lunch, and sighs. 

"If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said yes," he confesses, too tired to stop himself. "Now, I cannot say. I've made a mess of everything. I don't think there's any going back from this. I suppose I deserve it, for the way I've treated him before."

Patiently, Lan Wangji nods and says nothing, clearly inviting for further confession. It is tempting, but Lan Xichen cannot burden his little brother with his problems, that wouldn't be right. It's supposed to be Lan Wangji who comes to him for comfort, not the opposite. At the same time, that means Lan Xichen has no one to talk to. 

He wishes he could fly to Qinghe and cry against Nie Mingjue’s shoulder, but this is the one topic he cannot share with his best friend. He wishes his uncle were not so severe on matters of the heart. He wishes he had a normal father, one he could go to when things get too hard, one who would love him, listen to his problems, comfort him, and give him advice. He wishes, briefly, that his mother were still alive… though on second thought, perhaps it's best that she isn't. She wouldn't be sympathetic to his heartache, he suspects, and losing her respect would kill him. 

He created this mess alone, and now he must deal with it alone.

“It’ll be fine,” Lan Xichen says, hoping that’s not a lie, fearing that it is. “I will sort things out. I just need to…”

Words fail him. He’s not sure what he even needs to do. Talk to Nie Huaisang, probably, but the idea of that hurts too much and threatens to bring back tears, which he cannot afford in front of his brother. He doesn’t want to upset Lan Wangji. He doesn’t want to have to explain what happened, and face his brother’s disappointment. He doesn’t want to make Lan Wangji choose a side between his brother and one of his too rare friends. He doesn’t want to know what that choice would be.

“Can I help?” Lan Wangji asks, putting one hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Coming from him, with his aversion to touch, it is the equivalent of a hug. Lan Xichen is more grateful than he can say. It immediately gets harder not to cry, but Lan Xichen still manages, controlling his breathing.

“I’m really fine,” Lan Xichen insists. “You don’t have to worry.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t reply, but gives his brother a long stare that says it all.

“I don’t think you can help,” Lan Xichen sighs. “I don’t think anyone can. It’s too late now. Although…” 

He hesitates. It would be unkind to involve his brother in his problems, but at the same time, he simply does not trust himself to be near Nie Huaisang in public. There’s too much risk of causing a scene, and that would not be good for either of them. And yet, they need to talk. If nothing else, Lan Xichen needs to make sure his fiancé knows that he won’t tell anyone about this new… misdemeanour. 

“Wangji, if I asked… would you pass a message to Nie Huaisang for me?”

“Hm.”

“Thank you. If you could tell him… regarding the matter that we discussed yesterday, it will be kept between us. As for the rest, I would appreciate if he could come see me here at his convenience to see what can be done.”

“Hm. Anything else?”

“I will probably take my dinner here as well, could you see if that can be arranged? I will endeavour to have things under control by tomorrow but for now… I think that’s best.”

Somehow, Lan Wangji looks more worried now, and his brother wonders how much he can guess. Thankfully, Lan Wangji is a respectful boy and he doesn’t insist, leaving Lan Xichen alone so he can go deliver his message immediately.

Alone with a lunch he struggles to eat, Lan Xichen ponders on what he will say to apologise to Nie Huaisang. He will have to start with that unwanted kiss, for which he still needs to check the appropriate punishment. Then… then everything else. Every little bit of casual cruelty he showed as a child, every dismissive remarks he made, every disdainful silence… Lan Xichen, to his great shame, cannot remember everything he’s done, but he’s sure that Nie Huaisang does. His explosion of rage the day before is proof of that.

After a while, Lan Wangji returns. He gives the still mostly full tray of food a judging look, and seems upset that Lan Xichen is still still at his desk after this long, but doesn’t comment on that.

“Nie Huaisang acknowledged that you would keep certain things between yourselves,” he announces. “As for the rest, he declined the invitation to speak with you.”

Lan Wangji sounds disappointed as he says that, as he always is when he feels people are unreasonable. Lan Xichen feels guilty for asking his brother to play the messenger in such a matter, and hopes it will not cause a rift between the two friends. He would not forgive himself if he ruined that as well.

“I understand,” Lan Xichen says with a smile. “He has good reasons for that, and I did not expect him to agree. I’m sorry for bothering you, I won’t do it again.”

"Hm." 

Lan Wangji sits down next to him, and takes his hand. That simple gesture brings back too many recent memories. It breaks what little control Lan Xichen has, and he starts crying again, though more quietly. He wonders how disgusted Nie Huaisang must have been when Lan Xichen took his hand. He will have to apologise for that as well. 

"I'm here for you," Lan Wangji says quietly. "I will help, any way I can." 

"Play something for me," Lan Xichen requests after some brief hesitation. "I can't seem to meditate properly today." 

Without asking any questions, Lan Wangji agrees and goes to fetch his guqin. The song they decide on is perhaps not the most powerful one of the Lan repertoire, but Lan Wangji plays it well enough that afterwards his brother does feel some sense of peace. The pain of being hated by Nie Huaisang is still there, as is the fear of what the future will bring for them, but they no longer overwhelm Lan Xichen. 

Things are not ideal. In fact, they are almost as far from ideal as they can be. But he knows what the right course of action is, and he will do his best to act righteously. 

Lan Xichen will not be his father. 

-

Just as he promised, Lan Xichen has himself back under control by the next morning, and he has a plan of action ready. The first step, naturally, is to talk to Nie Huaisang. The thought is still deeply painful, but that doesn't make that conversation any less necessary.

Of course, talking to Nie Huaisang is easier said than done. When Lan Xichen tries to approach him at breakfast, the younger boy manages to escape. He does the same at lunch, all but running away with Jiang Cheng before Lan Xichen is even done eating. That’s not such a problem, though. Lan Xichen has some other business to attend, but as soon as he is free, he simply goes to the Jiang cabin. When Jiang Cheng comes to the door, Lan Xichen asks to see his fiancé.

“He’s not here,” Jiang Cheng says.

“Wasn’t he with you earlier?”

“And now he’s not. Try his own cabin maybe.”

Lan Xichen already has, and found it empty. Of course there’s always the option that Nie Huaisang went to hide with Jin Zixuan (it hurts and nearly chokes him, but he can control it now) but it seems unlikely. Nie Huaisang is too smart to do anything that might implicate his lover. In fact, since he’s still spending time with Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen takes it as proof that nothing must have happened between them, or else Nie Huaisang would be avoiding him too.

“I see,” Lan Xichen says with a polite smile. “I will try that, I suppose. Still, should you see him, please let him know that I would like to speak with him.”

“Didn’t he already tell your brother that he doesn’t want to?” Jiang Cheng retorts.

“He did. And yet, we must talk.”

“Then just wait until your next stupid meeting. You can force him to put up with you at that time.”

Lan Xichen wants to protest that he’s not the one who chose to have those weekly encounters, that he really needs to speak with Nie Huaisang as soon as possible, that Jiang Cheng shouldn’t make comments on a situation that he doesn’t understand.

“I will not bother Jiang gongzi again then,” he says with a smile. “Thank you for your help, and have a pleasant afternoon.”

As he leaves behind the Jiang cabin, Lan Xichen reminds himself that it is good Nie Huaisang has such a loyal friend, one ready to protect him even against his future husband. It probably helps that Jiang Cheng’s parents have a marriage that is known to be… less than satisfactory. He understands how messy things can get.

It’s good that Nie Huaisang has allies.

-

The rest of the week goes very much the same way. Lan Xichen cannot seem to get a hold of Nie Huaisang, who sometimes doesn’t even appear at meals in an effort to avoid him. When he is there, it is always at Jiang Cheng’s side, and even Lan Qiren remarks that Nie Huaisang no longer alternates seats in class as he used to do. Lan Xichen expresses polite surprise, and says nothing of the reason why Nie Huaisang might have started avoiding Jin Zixuan’s company.

As the days pass, Lan Xichen tries to comfort himself by thinking that, just as Jiang Cheng said, he will see Nie Huaisang during their usual meeting. When that day comes at last, Lan Xichen meticulously prepares everything. He brings biscuits, brews the tea which Nie Huaisang has shown the least aversion to, and readies an incense stick. He has an apology prepared, as well as a detailed explanation of how they might deal with this marriage which Nie Huaisang hates so much. He is as ready for this as he will ever be. All that’s left to do is wait for Nie Huaisang.

So he waits.

He is still waiting by the time the bell rings for dinner.

He waits even after that, against all hope.

He doesn’t stop waiting until his uncle and brother come home and find him still at the table. Lan Qiren frowns at the sight, but before he can say anything, Lan Xichen hurriedly tidies everything and seeks refuge in his room. He does not want to deal with his uncle’s judgement, not on top of everything else.

After days of keeping his cool, Lan Xichen ends up crying again that night. It’s the first time that Nie Huaisang misses one of their meetings. There’s never been any doubt that he hated those, he’s always made it extremely clear, but for him to simply refuse to come feels like a blow Lan Xichen was not prepared for.

-

The next day, Lan Xichen does not seek out Nie Huaisang. He also does not allow himself to look in his direction, accepting just how unwanted his company is. In the morning, he takes care of some things his uncle asked him to deal with. At lunch, he once more does not look at Nie Huaisang.

Afternoon comes, and with it a little bit of freedom. Lan Xichen is supposed to practice on the xiao and later to go to the shooting range to train, but he has different plans. If Nie Huaisang does not want to see him, he can understand it. Still, certain things have to be said, one way or another. So Lan Xichen sits before a sheet of paper, and proceeds to write down the apology that he will not get the chance to say out loud.

He is on his fifth draft when the front door violently opens and Lan Qiren comes in, dragging by the elbow a very unwilling Nie Huaisang whom he pushes toward the table.

“Orders are meant to be obeyed,” Lan Qiren states. “Weekly meetings until classes end have been ordered, and they will happen.”

Nie Huaisang stumbles a little at being pushed this way, but quickly recovers his balance and glares at the teacher. Lan Xichen feels cold seize him because while he knows his uncle probably means well, this is really just going to make things worse.

“Uncle, I don’t think it’s necessary…”

“You’re guilty as well,” Lan Qiren snaps. “If he doesn’t come, you’re supposed to tell me, not mope around. You’ll both be punished for this infraction. Now get to it, and don’t make me have to deal with you again on this matter.”

Just as suddenly as he arrived, Lan Qiren goes away, leaving the two boys alone. Lan Xichen quickly grabs his failed letters and puts them down on the floor so they won't be seen. He hasn't managed to write one that satisfies him, and so they cannot be shared. At the same time, being in front of Nie Huaisang makes it feel as though words are stuck in his throat, so simply saying those things might not work either. 

For a long while, the two of them remain as they are, Lan Xichen sitting with his eyes down, Nie Huaisang standing nearby. Lan Xichen knows he should make tea and light the incense so that at least they know how long to put up with this unbearable tension, but his body won't obey. He jolts in surprise when he hears Nie Huaisang open a fan, and again when the other boy comes to sit across from him, eyes challenging even if most of his face is hidden. 

The fan is the one Lan Xichen secretly gifted him. His heart twists. For this too he'll have to come clean. He doubts the fan will ever be used again after. Still, it must be done. 

Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, and puts on a smile. 

"Nie gongzi, I must apologise for my actions last week. I shouldn't have…"

“I would not sleep with Wen Chao rather than you,” Nie Huaisang cuts him, still glaring from behind his fan. “That was mean, and untrue, and I shouldn’t have said that. For the rest, I'm not sorry. ”

It’s a stupid detail, and Lan Xichen didn’t believe that had been said earnestly because Wen Chao is an awful little monster. Yet it still makes him feel a little lighter. His pride took a severe blow already, he doesn’t think he could survive ranking lower than Wen Chao.

“So, Jin Zixuan…”

Nie Huaisang shrugs, frowning slightly before raising his fan so he can hide more fully. What little lightness Lan Xichen had regained is crushed by that confirmation. 

“Do you like him?” he asks, desperately trying to keep his voice neutral. 

“Just as a friend. And he doesn’t like boys that way. We were just kind of bored one day. It was a stupid thing to do, and it was even more stupid to tell you about it.”

“Then why tell me?”

Again, Nie Huaisang shrugs.

“I figured hurting you would make me happy. It did, but not as much as I thought it would. I didn’t like seeing you cry.”

It certainly worked. Even now, Lan Xichen can barely keep the pain under control. 

“I’m sorry?”

Nie Huaisang snorts and lowers his fan, showing a crooked, uncertain smile.

“If you’re going to apologise, at least do it for something that’s actually your fault. I can give you a list.”

"Do it." 

“What?”

Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly, grounding himself.

“Give me a list of the ways I’ve wronged you. I know I have not treated you right, and I’m ready to apologise, but I don’t know where to start. Tell me and I’ll make amends.”

"It'll be a long list," Nie Huaisang sneers, bitterness seeping through his voice. 

"I know. But I know that I've hurt you, and that I have been unfair to you. Not just unfair, I have been cruel. That was wrong of me, and you have every right to hate me. I apologise for that. If you tell me more precisely which of my words and actions have hurt you, I will apologise for that specifically and endeavour to not repeat those mistakes. If you are willing to hear me, I have also come up with some ideas so that when we are married, it impacts your life as little as possible."

The look Nie Huaisang gives him is not a kind one. It’s not cruel either, though. Lan Xichen feels like a horse being inspected by buyers at a fair.

"I will give this due consideration," Nie Huaisang says at last, raising his fan again.

“Thank you.”

Nie Huaisang’s grasp on his fan tightens, and his eyes narrow. “Aren’t you upset that I’m not just forgiving you? Isn’t that what you were expecting?”

“Honestly, that you’d even listen to me at all is already more than I was hoping for,” Lan Xichen admits.

The confession appears to startle Nie Huaisang who gives him another long, appraising look before hesitantly closing his fan.

"So what happens now?" Nie Huaisang asks, looking as uncertain as Lan Xichen feels. 

"The choice is yours. I feel I have no right to make demands. Though I know…" Lan Xichen hesitates. "I'd like to be friends, if you think that's possible. I think we could be, if we just try." 

"You mean if I try."

Lan Xichen doesn't answer right away because yes, that's what he meant, but of course that's unfair. If he had been kinder in his youth, if he had paid more attention this year too, they wouldn’t have ended up like this.

"I must make efforts as well. I know I have been unkind to you. I will continue making amends and try harder to show you I'm sincere." 

"Then act sincere," Nie Huaisang snaps. "Do you know how annoying it is to see you all controlled and perfect like this? People call your brother cold, but you're worse!" 

Lan Xichen blinks at the accusation and smiles. He can't help it, it's a habit. Between his sullen uncle, his absent father, and reluctant brother, someone in this family has to make a show of goodwill when things get tense. 

Of course, Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes. 

"Exactly like that. I think the only moments I've seen you express a real emotion were our last meeting, and at Wen Chao's wedding! It's so frustrating! How can anyone be friends with you like this? I don't get how Mingjue put up with it, honestly." 

"I'm not like that with him," Lan Xichen admits. "I feel safe enough for that." 

"But you don't feel safe with me," Nie Huaisang comments, nervously playing with his closed fan.

Lan Xichen nods uncertainly. 

"I have always been taught that I need to be polite above all else. People expect it of me. I thought you would want that as well. If you prefer, I'll… try to be more open." 

Nie Huaisang doesn’t look like he believes Lan Xichen actually will. He’s not wrong to doubt him. It won’t be easy. He can do it with Nie Mingjue because they’ve become friends before he really learned to control himself and Nie Mingjue won't let him hide, but to let someone else in, that’s…

"And what should I do, then?" Nie Huaisang asks. “I know what annoys me about you, there’s got to be things you wish you’d change about me.”

The only thing Lan Xichen would change, if he could, is the way Nie Huaisang feels about him. That, obviously, is not an option, so he settles for the closest thing to it. 

"Give me a chance. A real one. I meant it, I think we could be friends. We like a lot of the same things, and we made a good team in Nightless City. I won’t ask for anything else but I… I like you. I really do. And if we could get along…”

“We’ve tried that already,” Nie Huaisang remarks with a pointed look at the place where they usually put their incense stick. They forgot this time. 

Lan Xichen grimaces, though all his carefully crafted instincts tell him to smile. This is a test, even if Nie Huaisang may not intend it as such. He has been asked for openness, and he must try to deliver.

“I don’t want to get along for an alliance,” he explains, “or because we’re ordered to. I want us to be friends because even after… after what happened, I like the idea of spending time with you. I really want to be able to chat with you. You are funny, when you forget you’re talking to me, and I think you’re one of the cleverest people I know. I like the way you paint, I want to be able to talk about that too, because neither Wangji nor Mingjue care about it. I like when we play Go, you’re the most interesting opponent I’ve ever had even if you cheated last time. It’s fine if you don’t like me the way I like you, but maybe you can learn to not hate me at least?”

Early into that explanation, Nie Huaisang’s fan opened and rose again. Even like this, Lan Xichen can see hints of a blush so intense it creeps on his entire face, up to the root of his hair. 

“Lan gongzi, you’re mocking me,” Nie Huaisang mumbles.

“Hm. If I try to be more open with you, you’ll have to try to believe me in return,” Lan Xichen points out, as gently as he can when he feels the sting of his efforts being dismissed this way.

"Then at least say something believable! You’ve made it clear for years how much to despise you, am I supposed to just trust that you somehow changed your mind about me?”

“No, it can’t be that easy,” Lan Xichen sighs. “It’s fine. I’ll prove it to you, over time. I really do think highly of you now, even if I was too stupid to see your worth before. For this too, I’m sorry.”

Nie Huaisang curls up to better hide behind his fan, which Lan Xichen finds a little cute, but mostly sad. It should not be so difficult for Nie Huaisang to accept that others have noticed what a wonderful person he is. It will be something to work on. It won’t be too much of a chore to frequently compliment Nie Huaisang’s qualities until he accepts that Lan Xichen is earnest about that.

“Lan gongzi, you’re really too serious,” Nie Huaisang mutters. “I… I think I need a little time to think about all that. It was a lot. I know we didn’t light the incense but I think enough time has passed, no?”

Lan Xichen nods. “I think so too. We can continue talking next week.”

Closing his fan, Nie Huaisang hums, throwing his fiancé another long, appraising look before standing up.

“We’ll see,” he says at last. Instantly Lan Xichen feels disappointed and wonders how he will convince his uncle to accept that the meetings must stop, but Nie Huaisang turns his back on him and adds: “Maybe we’ll talk before next week.”

At this, Lan Xichen’s heart is sent racing. It’s such a small thing, not even a promise, and yet it’s already so much.

“I’m always happy for your company, Nie gongzi.”

Nie Huaisang only shrugs at that, and doesn’t look back before he leaves the house. Still, it feels like a step in the right direction, and Lan Xichen finds himself hoping.

Not for love, he’s not that naive. Not for friendship either, not yet, not for a long time he suspects. But he hopes that at least, they can finally learn to be near each other without pain. After all that happened, it would already change everything between them.

#xisang #worst engagement au #jau writes #it's a long chapter at over 5K #also I'll probably not update for a few days since I need to figure out a few things for this AU #and also partner's birthday is coming!! gotta write a fic for them!! this takes absolute priority now!!! #anyway enjoy lxc being utterly miserable the way everyone wanted him to be during phase 1 :D

[katefiction]

Untitled request 1

by williamcatherine, September 6th 2013

Request: Will + Kate argue/make-up including George:)

Enjoy! Let me know what you think!:)

Jealousy.

It had been a long day for William. He had arrived home only a few hours ago after being at work for 16 hours and he was now caught in the middle of an argument with his wife. Kate hadn’t had it much easier either; looking after George had recently become more of a task as he had started teething, and he was more desperate for his mummy’s attention than ever.

               ‘I just don’t see why it’s that much of a problem!’ Will stated angrily, ‘I’ve been at work all week! Harry’s asked me if I want to go out with him tomorrow night and I said yes!’ ‘I’ll tell you why it’s a problem William!’ Kate responded without hesitation, ‘I haven’t been out for one night since George was born, and he’s teething so I’m more tired than I’ve ever been! I thought you could maybe look after him for a few hours while I go and see Pippa on Sunday, but there’s no chance of that if you’re out clubbing in London! Sometimes you go on as if you have no responsibilities at all!’ William sighed loudly, ‘Oh that’s ridiculous! You don’t want to go out! Ever! No-one asks you, and even if they did, you wouldn’t go!’ As soon as he said it, Will regretted it, as his wife slowly looked up at him with tears forming in her eyes. ‘That’s not fair.’ She whispered, looking down at the floor again. William’s heart sank in his chest. He hadn’t meant to upset his wife, but in an anger-fuelled speech he had blurted out something he really didn’t mean, and she was deeply hurt by it. ‘You can go.’ She mumbled. ‘Do whatever you want.’                As Kate sniffled lightly and wiped away a stray tear as it trickled down her cheek, their living room became filled with the sounds of George babbling quietly through the baby monitor, rather than their argument that had come to an abrupt end. William stomped into his son’s bedroom where he was sat up in his crib, his eyes becoming wider and a grin appearing across his face at the sight of his daddy. ‘Hello little man! Daddy’s missed you today!’ Will whispered, picking up his five month old son and rocking him in his arms until George became sleepy once more, and began to drift off to sleep for the second time that night.                It was at that point that William truly realised how much of an idiot he was being. Perhaps it was due to him spending so much time at work that he had forgotten just how much he loved his little boy and he hated seeing him in so much pain as his first teeth were coming through. As he tucked George back into bed and kissed him goodnight, Will heard Kate crying quietly in the living room, which made him feel ten times worse than he already did. He took a deep breath and walked back into the room, immediately kneeling down next to Kate who was curled up on the sofa in tears, and took her hands in his own.                ‘I am so sorry.’ Will said quietly, looking his wife straight in the eye and wiping her tears with his thumbs gently as she gradually met his gaze before looking away once more. ‘I don’t want to go anywhere this weekend, and I’m an arsehole for saying what I did.’ ‘Yes, you are an arsehole.’ Kate muttered, wrapping her arms around Will’s neck and burying her face in his shirt. Will chuckled quietly, ‘I didn’t mean it, and I don’t want to go out. I think I’ve just forgotten how much I love you two recently because I’ve barely seen you. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’ He looked up as Kate broke into a smile. ‘You’re absolutely sure? Because you can go, it’s fine…’ ‘Nope, I want to stay here with you…unless you want to go out with Pippa?’ Will asked. ‘No…I just want to stay with you.’ Kate whispered, kissing her husband’s forehead tenderly. William grinned as he placed a kiss on his wife’s soft lips as she sighed and snuggled into him further.                A few minutes later, William and Kate were wrapped in each other’s arms on the sofa, flicking aimlessly through TV channels and talking about anything and everything. Kate was right, William had decided, about him acting as though he was still a single man without a care in the world. But he wasn’t – far from it. He had an amazing wife and a young son to take care of, which meant his days of partying hard with his younger brother were pretty much over. Not that he minded. Harry might have had the more vibrant, exciting life, but William was convinced that coming home to Kate and George every night meant that he had the better lifestyle. Although earlier on in the day he might have preferred his brother’s wild nights of clubbing and getting drunk, as he watched his wife giggling at the television and heard his son’s gentle snores coming from the other room, he knew he wasn’t jealous of Harry. Not at all.

#royal fanfiction #williamcatherine