#yes I wanted to make that mental image someone else's problem

[archivalofsins]

Let's talk about Mikoto's first two interrogation questions and why I'm super not interested or surprised by any of his answers. For the record so I don't have to go over all this again here is a post that links to a good chunk of what I've written discussing Mikoto already that I worked on with @apatchworkstar.

At least the big stuff. So, people can look back and see how my logic has developed over time when it comes to him specifically. Because I'm about to throw out some hard to swallow truths.

One being

Just because someone keeps claiming they were "Trying so hard." doesn't mean it's fucking true. Secondly, even if it is true that doesn't excuse or give them the right to murder anyone.

So, let's get libelous real quick and drag this drama kings name through the fucking mud.

Sorry, my liege you're getting a bit carried away~

Okay whoa, whoa- Wait, wait! I thought you liked Mikoto. Shouldn't you be happy people are taking his problems seriously and treating these issues with respect. I mean work abuse like any sort of abuse is bad.

Okay, point created to simply allow me to further elaborate on my own train of thought and where I'm at. Yes, I do care about and like Mikoto as a character. That does not mean I just accept when someone is feeding me bullshit.

Literally we've seen everyone else going to the places or doing the jobs that triggered the incident they were involved in. Mu has been at her school since Milgram started. Yuno has been shown working with her clients since Milgram started.

Kazui has been shown at the bar since Milgram started. Hell we've even seen Futa at his college.

Mikoto Kayano has not been shown at work or doing his job since Milgram started. There have only been allusions made to his work. The one image we have in Undercover isn't even confirmed to be his actual fucking office and could be a desk in his home that the chair in his mental space and home goes to. So, what evidence do we have that his job was difficult outside of texts he actively ignored that states he left without notice to go home and attempted to call him back in something he actively decided not to do or even respond to as is his right as a working adult?

We would actually have to make multiple assumptions in order to frame the instance we see there as abusive outside of damn that's an ungodly hour. Yet this man isn't fucking special some people work nights and he's stated he's meant to work nights since the beginning of fucking Milgram. That's a part of the company he decided he wanted to be in, chose to enter, and refused to leave.

Trial one written interrogation question six.

Q.06  What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

He's worked overnight enough to fucking know he hates it but-

Trial two written interrogation question two.

Q.02 Haven't you considered changing your job? Mikoto: No way; I went through a lot to get into such a big company. Even if it's draining, if I work hard my efforts will pay off.

Something he's had no issue stating from the beginning. From the start of Milgram Mikoto's concern has been I better not get fired because of you and if I do you better take responsibility for it. One of his voice lines from the beginning of this literally being-

Mikoto first voice drama 3:46

"I have my own life, you know? And I just got accepted into the company that I was aiming for… If I get fired, you’ll have to take responsibility for that."

From the beginning, through everything he's done and said Mikoto has shown where his priorities lie. It's not with getting home or seeing his family like the rest of the prisoners. No, his priority has always been getting the hell out of here and back to his job because his life plans have been derailed enough. Because his life wasn't meant to be this way and he has things he needs to do to get the life he believes he's entitled to.

Going to his job regardless of how draining or terrible it looks from an outsider's perspective is and always has been a part of and the biggest part of his life plan. He never trash talks his company for how it treats him despite bringing it up in both his written interrogations.

In fact, it's the exact opposite.

Written interrogation one question eight.

Q.08  What’s the most rewarding part of your current job? Mikoto: I mean, it’s the top advertising agency in the industry?Anyone would be proud to be a part of it. I put a lot of work in just to get here, too.

Even framing it like a question like are you stupid- Do you live under a fucking rock??? Is that it? it's the top advertising agency in the fucking industry.

Are you daft warden-

What's more important than the status and recognition one implicitly gets from being able to work in a company like that? If this place is in my work history and I manage to go freelance later on, in good standing with this company, do you know how liberating that would be. Do you know how quickly people would have faith in me to do what they were hiring me for with this place as a reference-

I mean.

Q.04  Are you picky when it comes to fashion? Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

I'm fucking tailor-made for business. I live breath and eat this shit because I fucking need to. Because it's a stepping stone for my dream. You wouldn't want to get in the way of that, right~ Oh, that's unlikable I don't fucking care if there's a corporate ladder I'm going to fucking climb it. Survival of the fittest and all that. Though it's improper to admit that as a working adult, you know? If you can't communicate properly that's bad for business.

You can't, for example, go around being angry all the time even if you want to. You've gotta be able to play ball and take a few punches to get anywhere in this world. How do you expect people to want to work with you otherwise?

20/06/15 Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

It doesn't matter if your kindness is genuine or not. As long as you're able to close that gap and make people like you then you can sell them anything. It'll pay off eventually you know. Though it's better to do anything you can to make that eventually sooner rather than later~

20/05/25 Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh…… Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……? Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy. Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???

Mikoto trial one written interrogation question nine.

Q.09 Why do you give everyone nicknames? Mikoto: I guess it became a habit when I was at university. Having a nickname for someone that only you call them comes with a lot of advantages, do recommend.

As long as you can sell it with a smile they'll warm up eventually. Yet, being disliked by certain people can be social and career suicide you know~

20/07/08 Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though. Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too. Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes. Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like- If I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Yuno trial one voice drama 7:59

"Hm, what this? A lecture. Are you a believer in seishinron? I hate them more than anything else, you know?"

Basically, someone who believes that any problem can be worked through by just putting in a bit more effort.

"If I work hard my efforts will pay off."

Ha, ha- Not everyone has the privilege to smile whenever they feel like it. Some people's entire futures are riding on if the people around them decide to play nice or not and it all rides on them to play nice first- You know? Maybe that is what they call being a working adult. Maybe people like this just don't understand. Is it difficult to comprehend~ Huh, is this hard for you warden?

Well, you were given a pretty cushiony job out of the blue. It must be oddly comfortable for you. Judging others from your position and then sleeping for several months. They even provide you three meals a day while I can barely get a lunch break- Ah, jealous~

Guards, just-

"Come to know me as an honest man."

See me as someone hardworking and family oriented. See me as someone trying to show those he cares about that they can do these things too-

Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely. I want to show her how her big brother is working hard in the city.

See me as a man that believes in the myth of meritocracy. Someone who believes if they just work hard enough, if I push myself a little more regardless of how I'm treated it'll work out eventually. All of my efforts will be rewarded because they deserve to be. That's how these things should go. So, society should recognize and reward those who do good work consistently.

Not just people they find likable or easy to talk to. My work should be able to speak for itself. So, if I just keep working it'll all come together but I can't do that while being held here. How can I achieve my dreams if I can't even get to work huh? What happens if i get fired while here I have a life to you know-

I've been working so much- I had such a hard time. I've even played along with this silly joke- I've been such a good sport, right? Right? So- why tell me why can't you just be a good sport back? Aren't I entitled to a little bit of leniency? I'm a victim here too, ya know! So, why?

Tell me WHY-

It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s WRONG isn’t WRONG!/ "Why, why-"

"If only I were never born, if only..."/ "If I was gone, If I had just disappeared..."

20/05/31 Mu: Hey, Mikoto-kun, aren’t you scared of this place……? You can’t think of any reason you ended up here, right……? Mikoto: Ahh, yeah. Of course, it’s not like I’m not scared at all. But just between you and me…… I still haven’t dropped the thought that this could all just be a TV show. I mean, I really haven’t ever murdered anyone. ……and if that is the case, we’re definitely being monitored. For like a prank setup or something. Wouldn’t it be super uncool and embarrassing to get angry or lash and have it shown on prime time? Mu: Is that what you think……? A prank, huh…… I hope that’s all it is…… Mikoto: Ah! If that is the case, then you’ll probably be super popular since you’re so cute, Mucchan! There’s a lot of girls out there who make their big break coming off reality shows like that!

Mikoto trial one written interrogation question 3.

Q.03 Have you ever had a romantic partner? Mikoto: Of course I have. Do I really look like I’d be that unpopular?

"Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?"/ "Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up. My sorry spells must be wearing off."

"I can't take it anymore..."/ "Why?"

"Why, why, I’m so sorry."/ " “I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone."

Just-

"If I am a bad girl don’t hate me."/"Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."

It must be a tad embarrassing to fall for the same trick twice in the same series.

Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?

Guards, you must be working really hard. It's difficult to figure out under so much pressure with so little time. I mean you only had all of trial one and the three months after Double.

"Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it- Ahhh!"

"I was miserable, someone please help me."/ "I was having such a hard time."

"I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY?"

“I” will save “me”.

It's no one fault really~

So, why don't we just all get along for now? Like working adults. No one has to judge anyone here. Let's all just get along!

Mikoto first voice drama 3:10

Milgram tells me that you killed someone. That's enough for me. "Why are you just blindly believing that? There's no getting through to you...!"

Muu's second voice drama 14:56

"Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff."

But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is./I'm probably not to blame. It's probably nothing. I'm probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon.

The interesting thing about both Mikoto and Es' behavior is that they both blindly believe in systems that leave them very little to no protection or are actively exploiting them. They both believe their jobs to be their salvation. That if they just keep working it'll all turn out right.

That if they just do their jobs without question everything will work itself out. That the only way out is through. Es all of trial two has rationalized the results of trial one by saying they were just doing their job. Following what they were told. How is that any different from Mikoto. How is that any different from Amane?

Everyone needs something to believe in from day to day. Something that allows them to feel secure in their own position and feel as if they have some control over their lives even if in reality they have very little.

People need beliefs to tell them how to function in systems. Yet those beliefs can end up protecting systems from deserved scrutiny. In a way making people complacent in them or leading to them perpetuating these systems without question. Because when people are trying to keep themselves from going under they don't have time to question the powers that put them in the position to go under to beging with.

When you're drowning everything looks like a lifepreserver even the things that will make a person sink faster. People use the beliefs that they cultivate over the course of their lives to rationalize if the treatment they're receiving is correct or not-

It must be a mistake right?

To tell them if their own response to something was justified or not.

"Eat this! Don’t act like you have no idea! We won’t forgive you! You’re the crazy one! Ban-Ba-Bang!"/"If you’re going to break your vow- Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart. So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me."

Something that makes them feel like their decisions were the right ones,

"What am I supposed to do now? If you won’t tell me, I can’t be me."/ "Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like- It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?"

Something that tells them-

It's not my fault.

#milgram #mikoto kayano

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 10 Pt. 1

Stream of consciousness again. Here goes (I say with a lot of trepidation even though I have a sinking feeling I already know what's going to happen)

Coming back to edit the beginning here to, ah... inform you all that this pretty quickly devolved into a record of my complete mental breakdown. So, uh, idk, maybe this will be actually somewhat funny to read, especially for those of you who knew what was coming. My tears will be your balm for this week. Maybe.

I don't know how to verbalize this but there's something about this image I really like compositionally. There's something about it that evokes a kind of bittersweet peace. It just really sets a tone for what I'm pretty sure I know is to come. I am not ready.

"It's 'specially because of times like these that an idiot like him plays an important role. He's doin' somethin' extraordinary. He believes." <- so so so very true! A light in the dark is not just rebellious, it's necessary. He's allowing himself to hope, not because he suddenly believes as strongly as Vash in the world at large (he's still far from that) but because he believes in Vash himself.

Fuck right off Chapel.

He's literally being impaled by a cross. There's. Something to read in that but I'm sorry I know nothing about Catholicism/Christianity...

"obsessive sense of attachment" <- so long as his disciples do as he molds them to do. in that sense, it's a little reminiscent of Knives' desperation to keep Vash with him and his quick anger when Vash does not behave the way he expects him to, but it also kind of makes Chapel the anti-Wolfwood, in a way. The true lack of hope, the way he would apparently do just about anything for his child disciples, but only out of a sense of them being easier to mold/manipulate, rather than Wolfwood's genuine love for the kids at the orphanage, and the compassion he's shown downtrodden kids in general. Chapel values Razlo because he values his usefulness, which unfortunately makes sense as to why Razlo would be so loyal to him. I have to wonder the circumstances that led to Razlo killing all those people... I don't think it would've been for no reason at all - he killed Livio's parents because they were abusing them, killed the dog likely because of a grave miscalculation of cause-and-effect when it came to Jasmine almost dying, and killed the men who were tormenting Livio when he ran off. But anyways I hate how the EoM keeps shackling him and restraining him like he's some feral animal. Has anyone ever been kind to Razlo? Has anyone ever rewarded him for anything other than being useful? Look, kid had some serious issues that needed to have been addressed (instead of training the severely traumatized hair-trigger violent kid to be... even more violent lol what did they expect would happen?), but... look at him. He was still very much a kid who saw someone who proved that he was useful to them through an incredibly violent act - the only language Razlo actually understood. Idk if there's any reaching him now but... ugh.

Orphanage lady I adore you. Also the kids refusing to scatter hjdfhbvsjdf

"Why else would he bite the hand of his master?" Really, with this and the way Razlo is restrained in flashbacks, we're going for a strong "trained attack dog" theme going on here huh? Fuck you dude. (There's also "bite the hand that feeds you" as an expression... which is interesting too, because Chapel clearly feels Wolfwood should feel honoured by his teachings... but his was never the hand that fed. Chapel tore this child down.)

NO FUCK OFF THIS IS WHAT HE WAS MOST AFRAID OF. And I hate this so much more because this means that Chapel actually knows Wolfwood's fears quite well... but ASSHOLE WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?

Yes!!! They love you! Get loved, idiot!!!!! You never had to do everything alone... :')

*ugly sobbing*

I still think Wolfwood tried to do this alone out of a sense of personal accountability and not wanting to burden Vash with his own problems - while he thinks they could've done this as a team here, I think he's still only thinking in "I failed" rather than realizing that helping would've been far from a burden. If that makes any sense. I still think Wolfwood devalues how much he matters to the people he cares about.

Here he is! Using his Plant powers without hesitation again to intervene and help Wolfwood. I can't believe the way they allow each other to become less afraid.

"I made a friend." Yes! You! Did!!! I reiterate! GET LOVED.

Aaaaaaand Wolfwood still can't quite wrap his head around the idea that his personal struggles might actually be incredibly important to Vash. See, I don't think it's that Wolfwood thinks Vash doesn't care about him - far from it, I think he definitely knows that - the heartbreaking part is the way he never seems to think he is anyone's priority. (And he really has become a priority to Vash hasn't he? He's postponing the confrontation with Knives to help him. :O) Also the way "I can't believe it." is overlayed on the panel with the church bell and the "angel" wing. Ha. Nice. Nice. This is fine.

I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Imagine some angel looking guy appears out of nowhere and blocks all your bullets. Like. Yeah. That would be the response hdjfhbsdjfvh (Also I think this is a fantastic reaction image pfft)

"That overdose will make your heart rupture!" ...no...

Did he just throw Chapel? Is he dead???

AUGH I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE SUNGLASSES. He's trying to hide his eyes again (just like he does earlier in the series when he's about to shoot with lethal intent/is trying to hide his feelings) because he thinks they reveal him as a monster or irredeemable - they do not. They never have. But Vash... apparently either hearing his thoughts or just knowing him well enough to know what he needs and responding to that instantly... :'(

...I wonder... is this the first time Razlo has registered a death as cruel? Chapel died instantly; that's not really all that cruel... the cruel part is that Razlo is experiencing personal loss.

NOOOO WE'RE GETTING A FLASHBACK TO THEIR FIRST MEETING WITH VASH'S THOUGHTS AND THE FUCKING BIRD??? THE BIRD REALLY IS MEANT TO BE VASH AND HIS IDEALS, ISN'T IT? AUGH

AW YEAH THEY'RE TAG-TEAMING BABY!!! Everything is different when they are back to back :)

Ahdjfhvbd and now they're saying the exact same things at the same time. Soulmate behaviour fr

I missed them being silly together so much... it's amazing too, because in spite of the situation, they both seem so much less tense than earlier. Still though... "why are you here?" and he can't spit out an answer, even though it should be really obvious... like I think they both know but accepting/admitting that is another matter.

God this is such an "I missed you I'm so glad you're here" moment. Probably as close as Wolfwood is going to get to outright saying that

Hello? Wolfwood's loved ones in one panel right next to Vash's loved ones in the other? Vash repeating Wolfwood's arguments of "realism" and "have to get back to the kids"? Wolfwood, you're scaring him...

I'm fascinated that the "he had become very close to me" part is overlayed with the scene where Wolfwood tries to get Vash to shoot. The whole "if I pull that out of you"... then combined with "What is important? What are we willing to do to protect it?" ...Livio and Vash are important to Wolfwood, so he is trying hard not to kill. Has Wolfwood become so important to Vash that... he might?

YOU CAN SEE HIS EYES THROUGH THE SUNGLASSES AHHHH

NO. NO. NO. HE WANTS TO LIVE PAST KNIVES. HE WANTS A FUTURE. HE WANTS A FUTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE STORY. HE WANTS WOLFWOOD THERE WITH HIM. ALSO I JUST NOTICED HE TOSSED HIS FUCKING GUN ASIDE TO CATCH HIM. He doesn't want this kind of life for them... he wants peace for them both... he wants them to stick together, even when there are no more battles to fight... he wants to live for Wolfwood. He wants to live with Wolfwood. Oh my god. No. No.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

STOP. WHY WOULD YOU FOCUS ON THE HAND. IT'S DIGGING INTO HIS BACK. He can't hold him... he can't...

Hey uh. Does it mean something that Vash didn't even react or feel the knives (the knives) in his shoulder because the pain of this hurts so much worse right now? (Also did I need to cause myself emotional damage by writing that out?)

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Oh damn I think he is mad enough to kill. Holy shit.

In other news. I hate everything.

The sunglasses blown off his face again. When Razlo threatens Vash. Fuck off.

This fight scene is awesome and I love how brutal yet clever of a fighter Wolfwood is. ...I wish I could enjoy it more. Alas. I feel only pain.

I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. RAZLO'S LINE AND THEN THIS. WHY WHY WHY

:O (reminds me of the Diablo chapter...)

Ok first off how the hell was Chapel still alive. Secondly, AHEOHJBFSHUCBSJVHSBJHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Livio :') (I feel pretty bad for Razlo though all things considered... I hope he's not gone for good? That'd be weird I think...)

Wolfwood, after all this shit, just laying on the ground: "yeah seems like a good time for a cigarette"

AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHH

HNNNNGGGHDFBSUHCBUHSB... HHHHH A BAPY

wait. how could it have only been six years. what.

NOOOOOOO GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE VASH THINKING MERYL WAS SCARED OF HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. SWEETIE NO I AM POSITIVE THAT KID ONLY SCREAMED BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD. THEY LOVE YOUUUUU

...oof. I think Livio's hiding too. :(

GHHHHHHHHHHH THE COINS

Hjfshvbdfjhbv Livio comic relief. I'm so sorry buddy but I needed that. Hope you're ok...?

...so this is the scene the "infamous couch" is from. Okay. Okay. I get it now. Ow.

...I'm actually fighting back tears right now. I. I don't usually cry at stuff like this. I don't know if I can do this man.

He wants him to smile even if it's not a real one. He just wants to know he'll be ok. But Vash can't smile. He can't handle this kind of genuine talk. It'll make it all real. He's actually praying. Praying for just this one person. He's. He's never done that before, has he...?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

ugh yeah no i'm crying. i'm tearing up. oww...

Oh, well, so is Wolfwood. Ugh. Ow. Ow.

...I saw the bell and had to stop and take a break. I don't want to turn the page. I don't want this. I'll come back tomorrow. Bye.

--

Hhhhh... What if you died knowing you were loved and you didn't realize how much until the end. What if you died realizing you always could've come home; that you would always be recognized for who you are, not what you'd been cruelly forced to become. What if you died seeing a possible future with the ones you loved but never being able to obtain it. Because it is far, far too late for that. The gratitude, the relief, the anguish that it all ends just as you realize what you could've had, and you cry out. But you still died knowing you were loved. And that's far more than you ever imagined for yourself.

I like to think he was smiling at the end because... it finally sank in.

And the bottle is labelled Bride??? What does that mean??? (Oh wait now I want to go back and look at the other alcohol bottles in the series to see if there's anything interesting on them) But uh, yeah, is this a religious thing, because I'm... why Bride. Why "The Bride". Huh?

^Hey this is really effective. Also, fuck off.

^Nightow sensei WHAT THE HELL MAN. Was this necessary?

Yeah I saw the first page of chapter 8 and my entire stomach just lurched. I think we should all receive compensation for emotional damage here. The bird... but it's not the black kite (Vash)... what kind of bird is that, I wonder?

Ah... Vash buried him. Alone. Hm. Yes, feeling normal about this. (Also Livio woke up inside the house which means... he must've moved him there too...)

"What do you mean "why"? You of all people should know why." <-oh. ow. yikes...

Oh... oh. His hair. :(

And it's so... he protected the area from the Ark. Ok he's protecting the place Wolfwood died to protect. Par for the course for Vash really. Except... hasn't everyone here evacuated already? He's protecting the place itself. ...also idk if this is right or not, but given the way the black hair is expending his own lifeforce it's... kind of hard not to see this a little as him expending the time he was planning on sharing with Wolfwood... and also that his hair went black... like the colour of mourning. ...with the "Bride" thing too it's... no. I shan't say it. I hate it here.

Hhhhhh... they both associate him with food...

Well. This has wrecked me. Thank you guys. I don't think I can analyze anything this week I'm too sad.

#trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub #how could you do this to meeeeeee #storyrambles

[givemea-dam-break]

Can I request a Lockwood x reader oneshot with angst prompt 45 and 24?? 🥺🥺 I love your stories 💖💖

a/n: of course!! thank you for your support - I'm so glad you like my stuff! i hope you enjoy <3 this includes mentions of holly munro from the books (i love her so much) but nothing too much about her so to anyone who hasn't read the books, don't worry

warnings: angst, mild language, mentions of panic attacks prompts: "You left, you left, and now you have the gall to come back like nothing happened." and "Just give me another chance. Please." gn reader

Maybe working at Satchel's wasn't a good idea.

Having been an agent, you don't have many transferrable skills for a job beyond teamwork and stone-hard dedication, but beyond that, well, there isn't much. Like most agents, your time at school was very limited, and your qualifications are limited to 'professional ghost-hunter', making it very hard to get a job outwith being an agent.

Yes, you could've gotten a job at Fittes or Rotwell or Tendy or a thousand other agencies, but the thought of going back into the field... Satchel's is much preferable.

Except when your ex-boss, ex-best friend, ex-crush (ex most things, really) appears.

For a while, it was someone else that he sent to get supplies, and more often than not you were working in the back processing stock. When you first started working in the front, behind the till, it was still usually Lucy or George that came along, and you'd have a nice little chat with them. After all, they aren't the problem.

No, Anthony Lockwood is.

You're not sure where it all started going wrong. Maybe it was just that last case you went on, or, further back, maybe it was the slowly built-up frustration that emanated between you both for months. If you wanted to go even further back and agree with the anger that once coursed your very veins, you could say it all went wrong when you joined his company and entrusted your life in his hands.

To begin with, your day was going fine. You restocked the shelves with the products that customers could be trusted to handle safely and then went into the back to ensure all of the big stuff - the industrial magnesium flares, the heavy-duty chains, et cetera - were all accounted for. Your boss even got you a cup of tea for you to drink in between customers.

It's a shame half of it was spat out when Lockwood stepped through the doors.

Okay, exaggeration. It wasn't half, but it may as well have been.

For a moment, you believe he's a figment of your imagination, a being conjured up by the feelings of fury and loneliness and frustration you've dealt with for the past couple of months, the same feelings that make you dream of him even when you don't want to.

But, then, his eyes meet yours, and you know he's real. No dream, no image mustered up by your traitorous mind, could ever paint such eyes so accurately. Hues of burnt umber and sienna and copper would become muddled beneath your mind's hand, but here, they're so bright, so beautiful.

He strolls around for a little while, plucking salt bombs and dried lavender bunches and silver wards off of the shelves. He inspects a few different rapiers, holding them to the light and testing their weight before returning them to the rack and testing the next one until he finds one he's happy with. Trips to Satchel's often meant he'd come home with a new, fancy rapier. He wanders for longer than is necessary, almost like he's trying to convince himself to come over and speak to you.

Though you've had at least twenty minutes to mentally prepare yourself for him coming up to the till, your heart still pounds in your chest with a mix of anticipation and anger.

"Ah, (name)," Lockwood says as he approaches. His voice is entirely casual, but you know from his pacing around the store that he feels otherwise. "It's nice to see you. How've you been holding up?"

You type the products into the machine. "Fine. You?"

If the short answer takes him off guard, he doesn't show it. "Good. I'm good. I was actually hoping to see you here today."

Great.

"Is that so?" For the sake of your job, you keep your customer service voice on as you bag up the items.

The slight shuffle of his feet is something not many people would take note of, but you do. After years of knowing him, it's like a massive flag waving in your face with the word NERVOUS written in bold letters across the face of it.

But you ignore it. It's not your place to take note of it anymore.

"I wanted to ask you if you'd consider joining Lockwood and Co again."

Your heart stops beating, and your hands falter. "This is hardly the time to discuss that, Lockwood. But I can give you an answer right now: no."

You don't look up at him, because you already know the face he's pulling. It's not one he does on purpose, quite the contrary, but the way his eyes soften and his lips part in a sad manner has always persuaded you to agree with his cause, no matter how angry you would've been with him. So you don't look, because every ounce of self-respect you have left and cling onto will crumble if you do.

"If it's about that case-"

"It is." You take the owed money from his hand and pass his bag of products over. "Besides, by the sounds of it, you've hired someone new already. Holly, I think Lucy said her name is. Two months since I left - that's got to be a record. How about you get Holly to help you out with whatever has led to you crawling back to me?"

"(name)," Lockwood says, and the smallest undertone of desperation catches your notice.

It's then that you look at him, and every vestigial of your anger, the only thing that has stopped you from breaking into a million pieces the last two months, threatens to melt away under the warmth of his eyes.

"It's not the same without you at home," he continues. "We all miss you."

"This isn't the time for this conversation," you insist.

He looks around, giving you a temporary reprieve from his gaze. "I think we've got time. There aren't any other customers just now."

"I'm on shift, and I'm not getting paid to humour this dream of yours."

"Is that all it is? A dream?"

You pause, looking at him incredulously for a moment. "Could it ever be anything but? Lockwood, I almost died on that last case because you didn't do what you said you would. You left. You left me Lockwood, all alone in that room while I had the worst panic attack I've ever had, and now you have the gall to come back like nothing happened!"

"I thought you were already gone," Lockwood says. There's a defensiveness in his voice that you just can't be done with. "How was I supposed to know you were still in there? You'd told me five minutes before you were going to head home because you felt ill, and I was going to go a little after you once I'd made observations because we were going to reschedule."

"I screamed for you," you say, but your voice has dropped to such a quiet whisper you're not even entirely sure he's heard you. "I screamed as that ghost put me in ghost-lock, but you never came. I still have scars from the ectoplasm burns."

That gives him pause. "I didn't know."

You shrug. "Doesn't matter now. I'm not coming back - to Lockwood and Co, or to being an agent. I'm done with that life. Now, if you've got everything you'd like, I ask that you please leave. And, no, be quiet, you don't get to say 'but I haven't gotten you' or some corny line like that. Not anymore."

Desperation fills those eyes of his. "Just give me one more chance. Please."

"Even if I could forgive you, which I don't, I can't go back to ghost-hunting. My therapist has banned me from doing it, to make a long story short."

"Your therapist?"

You look away from him again, unable to stand another second looking at him. "Inspector Barnes... he found me the morning after the case walking around London trying to find my way back to Portland Row. The ghost messed me up pretty bad, so he organised therapy, paid for by DEPRAC, thank god. Even he's telling me not to come back."

"He did always have a soft spot for you," Lockwood says. That line should be accompanied by a charming grin, or at least a smile with a hint of teeth, but there's nothing but guilt and regret.

"What makes everything worse," you say, "is that you were my best friend. Shit, I dreamed of us being something more than friends, and I trusted you with my entire being. But I screamed for so long. There was no way you couldn't have heard me unless you'd left, too, even though you'd told me you were going to observe the ghost that night before leaving. I couldn't speak when Barnes found me. So don't come here begging me to come back, because I won't do it."

"You wanted us to -" He falters as if trying to decide which part of your spiel was the most important.

He's taking too long, so you say, "I'm asking you to leave now, Lockwood. Goodbye. Have a wonderful day."

Pain flashes in his eyes, so acute that it's almost tangible, but you grit your teeth and ignore it. He doesn't deserve to feel that way.

"Please, (name)," he says, begs. "You wouldn't have to do fieldwork. You could be an assistant or something."

"Seems Holly's got that covered for you already." You push his bag closer towards him. "Goodbye, Lockwood."

As if on cue, the bell at the front door chimes as another customer strolls in.

You ignore the agonised expression on his face, fueled by the rage you've learned to survive on. You can already feel that horrible loneliness seeping back into your bones, longing to reach out to him and agree to go back to Portland Row, back to him, but you force yourself to stand your ground. Going back there would bring back nothing but painful memories and feelings you've fought to keep away.

And, though you long to give into the feelings, to allow yourself to feel the love for Lockwood that's always lingered even through all the pain, you push it down and watch as he leaves, dejected and hurt.

But it'll never compare to what you've felt.

Once, you would've given anything to see him happy, to take away any glimmer of pain he felt, but you've got to come first. You have to.

You say goodbye to Anthony Lockwood, and goodbye to the things you've felt for him, no matter how badly it hurts.

#anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood x reader #lockwood and co x reader #lockwood and co fanfiction #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim #x reader #fanfiction #givemea-dam-break

[everythingblreview]

why you hate jast blue so much?

I already gave many reason but if you want to know I can summarize it again.

First of all, I would like to say that I fully support localisations and always buy the English release even though I have the Japanese release too. But Jast blue really messed it up.

Before this I also was fully supportive of them and even recommended my friend to buy their dmmd release, because they promised they will do the game justice (something that was not always the case with the fan translation) but I didn’t know how the quality of it was at the time, and let me tell you how shocked I was when my friend shared her experience with the translation (keep in mind we are both major in Japanese language) she hated the game so much and said the translation made her experience worse.

It didn’t help that jast didn’t care about the complains of people about the translations and after all this I was already not that happy with them, but all their dirty lies unravelled in the following months. The quality of their game releases is bad, not only the translation, but the fact also that they “worked so hard” on something just to release a game full of typos and bugs, with a bunch of swearing added. They refuse to take any critics and block everyone who criticize them, that’s not how you treat your customers.

And my biggest problem with them is their translation and how they deal with games of a different culture. They have 0 respect for Japanese language and culture they just take the games and make an American version of it, and act like It’s the only correct way to do this. “Localisation” means making it understandable for people who you are releasing the game for, not to rewrite it in the way you like it. They are still stuck in the mentality of 2013 dmmd tumblr days and see BL games as nothing but porn made so people can make fun of it, and that’s how they advertise them.

The slow damage localisation was the last straw for me, their translation sounds nothing like the original game. The characters and especially the MC’s personality was made up by them, everything I see people “like” about him, was never in the original. How dare they to slut shame a character who suffered such a trauma (yes surprise there is no such thing in the original), they way they changed everything so they could keep up their “edgy and meme-y” image of the game is extremely disrespectful to the writer. The Japanese version and the English version could be not more different. Even the translator of the Korean patch said they pity us because of the bad translation. You are not supposed to put your own interpretation of a game as a translator, and this is what they do. The translator doesn’t like BL and you can see it in the way she translates the game.

Also, when I called out their editor on twitter for lying about not including certain words in the game, even though they did in the end, she instantly went to her follower to complain about how someone is mean to her instead of providing an answer to her lies. I can’t believe people actually try to defend them. Jast blue has the most entitled American attitude I’ve ever seen. They act like they are so much better then everyone else and can’t make any mistakes. You know why no other English released bl games get critics for their localisation? Because they don’t do all this and respects the material they are working with.

I’m not going to sit here and look at them doing this to every BL game, I want people to take these games seriously because BL games still have a very dirty image in the western community. I don’t want them to do more BL games. I’m sick of this clown show so that’s why I’m always asking people to not support them. They are not the only one releasing bl games, so I’m not worried of not getting English releases, and even if I rather have no English releases than a game, that disrespects the writer, the culture that is fully of bug memes and swearing.

[rose-and-thorn-fanfics]

"Daughter Of A Cop" a Stranger Things Fanfic (Part 2)

Evangeline woke up in a hospital bed. She looked around her and recognized the normal simple and sanitary decor of a room in the ER. Her whole body ached, and she could tell her left eye was swollen because it was excruciating to try and open it. There was the slow beep of a pulse monitor, and she could also hear voices outside the door.

"Hey, visiting hours don't start til seven o'clock!" a high, feminine voice chimed.

"I came back to see the girl I checked in last night." A smooth, lower voice explained.

"She's resting. Besides. You don't look related to her. Who let you back here?" The higher woman's voice said skeptically.

"Just let me see her." The lower voice insisted.

"I'm not letting some random man see my patient without a better reason!" There was a short pause. Then. "Of course. You are always welcome here, Mr. Perez." The nurse said in a starkly different tone.

Eva furrowed her brow in confusion. 'Why did the nurse's mind change so quickly?'

A tall man with wavy black hair that almost reached his shoulders walked through the door, led by the nurse who was now smiling cheerfully in an almost eerie manner.

'Something isn't right.' Evangeline thought. She examined the man suspiciously. He was wearing sunglasses and dark clothes, looked only a little older than Eva was, and was... well. 'GOD. WHY IS THIS STRANGE DUDE HOT???' Eva thought, suddenly embarrassed by her messy, beaten up appearance. So this was who had picked her up off the ground and checked her into the ER?

The man sat down in the chair right beside her bed, while the nurse stood in the corner, eyes glazed over. Eva frowned.

"What, not happy to have a visitor?" The man flashed her a winning smile, taking off his sunglasses and revealing dark, dangerously attractive eyes.

"Just... a little freaked out." Evangeline stated.

"What exactly do you remember about last night?" He asked with great interest.

"I... don't know..." Eva paused, fragmented memories coming back to her in dim mental images. "Billy was... Billy was mad. And he hit me, again and again."

The handsome man nodded impatiently. "And?"

"Then.... hells bells... and a terrible scream. Then someone picked me up off the ground and put me in the back seat of a car. Was that... you?" He exhaled, seemingly relieved. "Yes. And you didn't see anything else?"

"I didn't, although does that matter?" Eva asked, confused.

"Depends. Anyway, how are you feeling?" The man asked, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm ok. Thanks for saving me... uh... whats your name again?" Eva asked.

"Nico... Perez." He said. "And its no problem."

Eva glanced over at the nurse, who hadn't blinked the entire conversation, and was still frozen in a wide smile. "Whats wrong with the nurse...?"

Nico followed Evangeline's gaze towards the place where the nurse was standing. "Oh her? I can make her leave if you want." He said, frowning momentarily, and closing his eyes. The nurse seemed to reanimate, walking robotically out the door and shutting it behind her.

Nico opened his eyes again, smirking when he saw Eva's expression. a few drops of blood trickled from his nose. "Don't worry. Its mostly harmless, mija."

Evangeline started to panic. "Mostly?" Eva whispered. She had only ever seen something like that from her adopted sister El. And even then, not exactly like that. What Nico Perez appeared to be doing was mind control. 'Or... possession?' Eva shivered. She decided to change the subject, careful not to display her reactions too much to this strange man. "My dad is gonna kill me when he finds out what happened." She said nonchalantly, but her intention was to inspire fear in Nico. "Its so rough having a police chief as your dad."

Intensity flashed across Nico's face. He clenched his jaw and forced a laugh. "You're a cop's daughter?"

"Is... that a problem?" Eva stuttered.

"I need to get you out of here." He responded in a low growl.

"Wait, what??--" Eva yelped in distress as Nico began carefully removing the needles and monitors from her body.

Eva started to fight it, but she was weak and still very fragile, so she quickly changed her mind and decided to cooperate with Perez. After Eva tried standing gingerly, Nico, offered her his arm for support. He led her down the quiet halls of the early morning Emergency Room. Every once and a while he would stop and close his eyes, forcing a doctor, nurse, or patient to walk away in a daze. Evangeline was silent, focusing all her strength on moving with him.

Finally, they exited an elevator and made it down to the first floor. At that point, Nico had to pick Eva up bridal style and carry her through the lobby and out the door to the parking lot. Evangeline was thankful for the relief on her aching bruised body, but couldn't help blushing despite herself as Nico carried her towards a beaten up dark grey Ford mustang. Placing her in the passenger side, he closed the door and rushed into the driver's seat slamming the door and speeding off.

After about ten minutes of silence and reckless driving, Nico seemed to calm down, driving at a more normal pace. He turned on the radio and pulled a ciggy out of his jacket pocket, lighting it with the car lighter and exhaling smoke.

All this time, Evangeline had been building up the courage to ask where he was taking her. Nico didn't seem to be nefarious in intention, just high in intensity and strange in his actions. 'I dont think I'm being kidnapped. I mean, it looks like I am. But dear god i'm too young to die.'

Nico glanced over at Eva, noticing her nervous demeanor. "Relax, babe." He said sympathetically. "I'm stopping at the gas station for a map. Then you can tell me where you live, and I'll take you there. I'm assuming you're not from Indianapolis, based on where I found you."

"Thank GOD." Eva exclaimed a little louder than she meant to.

Nico laughed. "If I wanted a pretty girl like you, I doubt I'd resort to kidnapping her for a first date." He remarked.

Evangeline giggled, then winced, her face still hurting from the beating she had gotten. Duran Duran played softly in the background. "Any reason why we left the ER early, then?"

"It's... complicated."

"Explaining would earn you some points with me," Eva offered, placing her hand on his arm. "I'm more than just pretty. I'm a good listener too, you know."

"Well...."

TUMBLR FANFIC TAG-LIST!

@rottent33th

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@darkangel4405

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#fanfic #st fandom #stranger things fic #stranger things fandom #stranger things oc #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction

[iheartnimbassacity]

You make really weird arguments. Especially when you’re supposed to be defending your husband you apparently love?

‘I would never disregard you’ = You literally did by forgetting one of your husband’s main phobias for birds? Nobody is asking you to sit in your therapy session and only think about your husband but the fact it seemingly slipped your mind that you share a space often with someone who is terrified of birds while getting a bird is so? not great?

‘It’s a wonder I’m this empathetic’ = Like that other anon said, you didn’t show any care to Vic sending you images of the same species your support pokémon is getting killed by a joltik? You just comment on how ‘cute the tik is’? I get you’re trying not to feed into her or something, but isn’t she the whole reason you’re getting this support pokémon? to protect you?

How are you both somehow traumatized beyond belief of what happened but also show absolutely no care to her when she’s literally sending you gorey photos? Makes no sense. There’s no compromise in your relationship, you just got a bird and amy now has to deal with you having a bird. What a beautiful marriage.

[Btz. Ok, now that Dave is asleep, I can answer this one. She isn't even supposed to see these types of things. Concidering how bad her mental state is at the moment. She is barely thinking straight...]

[Dave messed up. She is not innocent in this, and she knows it. But it also isn't entirely her fault.]

[Bellamy is strange, especially for a human. They never talk about their fears or worries or anything unless pressed heavily on the topic. To the outside, Bellamys Ornithophobia is a bigger part of their life than it actually is.]

[Dave has memory problems, mostly recalling events and facts. She can be a bit absent-minded at times, too. She wasn't lying about it slipping her mind, I know, I heard the entire thing. She was overjoyed that she got something that is just her own, not shared or in service to anyone else, that she didn't take into account anyone else. She should have, but she didnt.]

[About the empathy, Dave was greatly affected by the photo. But she isn't going to show it in front of the person trying to get a reaction out of her. Saying the tik is cute was her trying to find something other than the death to focus on. She didn't want to show care because that's what Gonzap wanted her to do, to freak out. You can't say what someone is truly feeling from a few Rotumblr posts.]

[Yes, this was a bad decision. But it's done. You dont get to tell anyone how to conduct their marriage. Some days, I wish Dave stayed isolated from humans, but here we are.]

[P.S. Implying Dave doesnt love Bellamy and vice versa is just factually wrong. You are an idiot.]

[-Quincy]

#long post #((any more asks about this will be deleted in character by Quincy

[rubbersoles19]

Do you intend or have you addressed a more adult theme in your AU? Something emotionally heavy or something?

Yes, very much so.

One reason I'm drawn to cartoons is because I can balance the darker tones I enjoy with cool combat, humor, cartoon physics, and more mature themes. Those are the shows I'm drawn to, or else I'll just make them into what I want them to be lol

Obviously there are some serious stuff and spoilers mentioned below.

As I've previously said, I do openly handle the themes of mental and emotional health, and seeking help for those struggles. Drake and Gosalyn have to work Hard to keep the peace between them sometimes, and sometimes they don't do a very great job of it. But they always put forth the effort to make up. That's important to show. Over the series their relationship has to grow as Gosalyn grows up, and it's not always easy. More often than not it's messy.

Studio and Gosalyn Eternal both focus pretty heavily on declining health, specifically Drake's early onset memory issues and his struggles to find medical help and a medication that don't make the problems worse. Spoilers for Gosalyn Eternal, but Drake's entire arch is his physical turmoil with his medication, diagnosis, and declining condition, and his emotional turmoil in telling Gosalyn the truth. And the Whole Point of Studio is that Drake's mind betrayed him in the most devastating way possible after suffering a mental breakdown.

Studio also deals, sometimes subtly and sometimes not, with the idea of grief, suicidal notions, and mental instability caused by years of neglect and abuse in the case of Diver. Diver followed every step of someone who is planning their own death, and openly stated he didn't expect to survive the Studio confrontation. The abuse wasn't just at the hands of his brother, either, but that'll be expanded on later in the series... Let's just say sometimes victims of abuse attract other abusers through no fault or weakness of their own, but it statistically tends to happen. Diver is one of those types of victims. He's got trauma and CPTSD due to it.

Drake deals with paranoia and Gosalyn deals with anxiety and panic attacks, and self image issues. There is a corrupt police force and a persistent, invisible enemy throughout the series so far, and Drake deals with both loving and hating Darkwing because of everything the franchise has done to him and his family, everything it's done for others, and how much the character means to him personally. Gosalyn is preyed upon and her mind very much literally screwed with without her consent, Gosalyn deals with PTSD from and before Studio, and the Mallards are both chronically and deeply Alone, despite all their friends, it's stated multiple times that the Mallard brothers came from an abusive and neglectful household, and that there's a history of suicide and mental struggles in their bloodline.

Generational trauma is a Thing.

There might be more I'm missing, but that's what I can think of now. I don't dance around any of these problems, I make an effort to call them what they are, but I don't want to linger on any of these in the narrative. The ugly parts of the story are undeniable parts of the story, but they aren't the whole story. (Though you could argue Diver's entire arch in Studio is a result of his trauma. But that was Never meant to be the end of his story.)

#ducks #rubbersoles19 #7 am est #anonymous

[0perfectimperfections0]

Relax

I don't know how it happened but me and @natalie-the-writer wrote a whole short story while talking 😂 She kickstarted the scene with an idea she had:

<><><><><>

Here's a mental image for you that's rolling around my brain:

Lou, half laying, half sitting at the end of the couch, knees drawn up as he scrolls through his phone at doll test scores and progress while the others watch a movie. His head is propped up with his hand, elbow against the armrest, and he's twirling his own finger in his hair subconsciously. His hair is wavy, having lost its perfect style after a hectic day, and his eyes are half lidded. He's having to read things three times before he registers them and is trying to muffle little, silent yawns whenever they come up. It never feels like he's completely off duty, even though he wants to be.

Someone gets rid of the phone and it takes him a half second longer than it should to realize it's gone

He squints down at his empty hand like, "....wait a second..."

"Hey!"

"The fact that it took you a second to respond is a problem."

"I have to check the grades to see what needs to be worked on." Lou reached for the phone back.

"Nope." Ox says, holding it out of his reach. "Moxy, catch." He throws the phone to her. She catches it easily, then passes it to Mandy for it to be stored somewhere safe within her house. "Everything is fine, Lou. You can look at it when you're actually teaching."

"I want to have it done before class tomorrow!" Lou pouted, draping dramatically over the arm of the couch.

"You can do it before class, but you need to give yourself down time, too. It's not life or death. None of us expect you to work constantly."

"Just chill, dude!" UglyDog called as Babo threw popcorn at the blue doll. He caught a piece while the rest hit the couch.

"Right," Nolan picked one off the couch and threw it at Lou's forehead. "Relax once in a while."

"Yes," Lou rolled his eyes, watching the popcorn falled to the ground below his head. "Be lazy and worthless instead of actually doing something productive."

"Hey, are we being lazy and worthless right now for throwing popcorn?" Moxy asked, grabbing her own handful to chuck at Mandy.

Lou squinted at her, "None of you are lazy and worthless."

Nolan scoffed, "Then why are you calling yourself that?"

"Because I get this icky...guilty feeling every time I'm not doing something productive. Like I wanna throw up or something." Lou sat up, twisting his fingers together near his stomach to elaborate.

The others shared a brief look of concern but tried to keep the mood light. "Probably because you've never relaxed a day in your life." Moxy said, smiling. "Like, you're wearing your suit right now, at ten o'clock. That's not really relaxing. Neither is looking at your phone for test scores."

"I can't." He sighed, sitting back against the couch with his legs crossed. "Like right now, I feel nauseous because I'm not doing anything productive. Believe me, I've tried relaxing and...chilling," he scrunched his nose at the weird phrase. "I can't make it more than a minute without wanting to spew my guts out."

"Do you know what's causing it?" Ox sat down beside him, arm against arm. "I know, not working, but why do you feel the need to work?"

Lou shrugged, twirling a bang around his finger. "I don't know. It's been like that since...I guess since I was made. Well, okay, maybe not. I guess when Greyson started...reminding me to work instead of...well, anything else, really."

Nolan squinted. "What do you mean by 'remind you'?"

Lou went quiet.

Sensing Lou might not want to talk about it - at least not openly - Ox pressed more against his side. "Well, Greyson's not here. Henry is in charge. Would he want you to work constantly? Nope. He already worries for you as is."

"Yeah...," Lou kept fidgeting with the bang between his fingers, looking down at his lap.

"And it would be a real breather for us to know you weren't working yourself to death." Mandy walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa beside him.

"Yeah...," he pursed his lips, finger twirling.

"So how about it, brother?" Ox nudged him. "Relax with us and just... be you. All the time. Be you. If you need a break, take a break. No one is going to scold you for it." He said, specifically referring to Greyson. "No phone for tonight. You'll get it back in the morning."

"Okay..." He noticed he was still twirling his bang. Straightening, he clasped his hands in his lap, looking at the others. "How do I do that?"

Ox hid that the question threw him off a little. Mandy covered for him, sweeping Lou's bangs to the side with her hand. "You do things that you like to do. You could watch this movie with us, if you're looking for a starting point. It's Finding Nemo." She smiled.

"Okay." Good. A plan. He liked those. Another peice of popcorn was tossed at his face.

Nolan was the assassin. "And loosen up. You're not being graded on posture. Change out of your suit, too."

"There's a lot of rules for relaxing," Lou muttered.

"Except they're fun rules, so they're not really rules." Moxy said, hopping up on the couch to avoid a piece of popcorn being thrown at her. "They're... chill rules." She grinned.

Mandy left and reappeared a minute later with a set of pajamas. Blue with a diamond pattern. "Here. Go change." She tossed them toward Lou's head.

Lou blew out a sigh. "Alright." He returned minutes later, setting his suit on the kitchen table. It had been folded neatly. He shuffled back into the room to avoid tripping on the long pants that covered his feet. "Better?" He asked sassily.

"Very." Mandy said, but then her gaze caught the too-long pants legs and her eyebrows furrowed. "Those should be tailored to fit your height. Did I measure them wrong..."

Lou looked down, wiggling his socked toes from underneath. "Um..."

"Hey, yeah." Nolan got up and stood in front of Lou, holding a hand from his head to the blonde's. "How'd you suddenly shrink?"

"Ah, that," Lou blushed, smiling shyly and looking off to the side.

Ox tilted his head, intrigued. The conversation had gathered all of their attention, even if they tried to pretend it hadn't. Lou's shy smile said Mandy hadn't gotten measurements wrong. She never did.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't tell me you're some kind of... shrink wizard." She tried to joke, but curiosity was clear. Like this, he was shorter than her and Nolan. Not by much, but a little.

"U-Uh," he rubbed a toe against the floor, not meeting their eyes. "I...might...put something in my shoes to...erm...make myself taller."

For a second, there was silence. Confused, curious, and a little concerned silence. Nolan tilted his head to the side. "Why? And I thought we were all made the same... ish. At least in height." All the Pretty Dolls were the same height, not counting hair. Lou's hair actually could add to his height if it weren't so loose at the moment.

Lou wrung his hands behind his back. "Well, they are--you all...are...um. I was handmade, though...so, my measurement aren't exactly the same." Lou shrugged and laughed lightly, "A-After all, I was the guinea pig. What's the point in using up good cloth for me if I don't work out?"

They'd never seen Lou so anxious. Even before his first class after redemption, he didn't have this much anxiety and shyness. He didn't stutter often either. This was something close to home for him.

"You're worth it." Mandy said steadily, pushing down the anger in her chest at how he talked. The anger wasn't at him, no. It was at Greyson. The factory. She hated that they taught Lou all the negatives, all that he wasn't, before he even knew what it all meant. "And you don't have to put stilts in your shoes if you don't want to. Height doesn't mean a thing." Besides making him look cuter.

"Exactly." Nolan draped an arm across Lou's shoulders, silently enjoying being able to lean over him. "That's gotta hurt your feet. Plus! Now you get to be the wittle bwothew," Nolan pinched Lou's nose, making a baby voice.

"Gah! Hey, I'm still older!" He pushed the brunettes hand away.

"Age doesn't mean anything when you're meant to be the same age your whole life." Mandy said, grinning at the tension broke. "But you are, technically, Nolan's little brother too now." Her lip tilted up in a smirk.

"Ha!" Nolan grinned down at the blonde. "And you know what's better? Now your nickname makes more sense."

"Which one?" Ox snorted.

"Baby blue." Nolan crossed his arms, grinning at the way Lou's face flushed again.

"I will get my revenge one day." Lou huffed, plopping back down on the couch between Ox and Mandy. "You don't mess with short people."

"That's fair. How's that saying go?" Nolan tapped his chin and sauntered over to Lou. "Don't steal candy from a baby?" He booped his nose.

"Watch out, Nolan. You might get bit." Ox joked, reaching out to put his arm around Lou. The blonde seemed more relaxed in posture now, if pouting, and his form sunk into the couch. He had a bet in mind that the blonde would be asleep in the next hour if they left him alone enough, considering how tired he was earlier, but now was time for some relaxing fun. "He threatened you with his shortness."

Lou narrowed his eyes at Nolan, grinning. "Yeah, don't wanna lose a finger do you?"

Nolan grinned. "I'll take my chances."

"That's not what we had in mind for relaxing." Mandy rolled her eyes. She fixed Lou's bangs, brushing them behind his ear. "Besides, how is Nolan gonna eat his popcorn without fingers?"

Lou stuck his tongue out at the brunette. "Sounds like a personal problem."

"Wow," Nolan laughed. "Little brat." He grabbed a peice of popcorn and chucked it at the blonde. Lou laughed and started throwing it back.

Mandy giggled, "That's more like it."

#uglydolls #lou #fanfiction #writing #short story #moxy #ox #nolan #mandy #@nataliethewriter #this was so much fun to do 😂

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

Can I share a story somewhat simillar to Lilly's abuse record and Mikayla situation? It's not LO related and abuse hints are more explicit, but it keeps bugging me with disturbing parallels at nights.

I won't provide links, names, etc. 'cause I have reasons to keep them anon.

So, there are two queer ppl living in homophobic state, not much is known about them. Mx R, a skilled artist who draws ordinary stuff. And Mx L, R's manager and lover. There are debates among fans whether this pair is fake or real. One thing is undeniable - they made a spectacular perfomance out of their relationship which draws way more attention then just drawings (and it worries them to the point they regularly ask audience for money they believe should earn through art). How R&L present their pair seems loving and open-minded, both practice poliamory and teach fans how important it is to discuss their feelings and preferences. A little paradice in the middle of homphobic hell - it seemed.

First bellring for me was L's humilating and strait up devaluating public(!) comments about R, which R would defend as "family inside jokes" and L would always rage out on fans who dare to say "why are u so rude toward ur loved one?" - only to then complain why fans won't interact much with R&L content. Later a thought stroke me that poliamory was more an L's thing while R is more focused on art work. I mean, when they were close to break up, R made an entire comic as an apology! It felt like R had no one to turn to if they were really to part ways. And yes, there was a honeymoon 'til another "you're worthless without me" comment came from L. One more disturbing thing is that L uses their mental problems as an excuse to both their behaviour ( a.k.a. "I'm afraid R would turn away from me like others before, but R should improve on communication, not me") and their rage towards fans (a.k.a. "don't you dare poke an ill person that I am!").

It's such a shame R got stuck with L - I really like their artwork, but their relationship as a brand blends into drawings to the point I can't enjoy them knowing how L behaves and that R defends them. I really hope L doesn't controll R's finances (there was a hint, yikes) and I shamefully admit I want them to break up despite whatever problems L had in their life. It's not an excuse to be so shitty, it never is.

Even that it's happening in homophobic state isn't an excuse not to break up! (L won't shut up how they fears die alone if R leaves and that both will get in trouble looking for another partner. Excuse me, how da f*ck u found poliamoric partners then!?) I'm not queer myself, but even I'm aware how to find a close queer society to try and meet someone else. Gosh.

P.S. Speaking of Mikayla and her rushed art for Mummy video - I believe a couple more vids like this and she'll start suspecting same thing that Lilly's former partners came up with. It's the hard way, but effecient. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting same progress in R&L relationship for reasons -_-

Part of me can't help but wonder if the online world makes it harder for some victims to leave, especially the public ones.

You spend time building a "brand" together. The abuser leverages your public image to their "fans", making you the "good" one, or the one™. Everyone is just going on about how perfect you guys are, adding another level of pressure to stay together.

And then you see people saying that the relationship is toxic, and that the partner seems to be abusive, and I feel like that can cause victims to want to double down. They don't want to prove the "haters" right. Everything is fine.

Sometimes I worry that Mikaila will refuse to leave just to spite a bunch of random internet users, and discussions like this just add fuel to the fire.

[erigold13261]

Hello hello I'm back once again to ramble some more about Garden of Thorns in your FRAU, only this time I'm just gonna say that last time I completely forgot about DJSS when I wrote my last ask so that's why there was no mention of him (sorry DJ :( )

Now when it comes to helping out with your oc band fight DJSS (I will draw them when they're revealed mark my words-) Sylvie and Olive tag along because at this point no one is immune to free therapy from Sylvie- and Olive wants to make new friends so they go to Club Planetarium. Sylvie knows something is up and if needed stops the fighting to let DJSS talk about his problems and how he's feeling, and Olive removes her gloves and reveals her healing powers for the first time as it fixes the cracks on DJ's orb head and seals the gas inside it (or other material idk what's in there-) which I'm sure surprises everyone. I'm sure Sylvie may also host a group therapy session with all the NSR Artists, BBJ, etc, because she wants to help as many people as she can since she knows that there are people out there who don't have access to resources such as therapy so she's made it her goal to change that slowly but surely. (Also I'm currently working on my ocs designs for your au while typing this out so the gloves for Olive is a part of her design)

Speaking of Olive, I remember how you mentioned that Tatiana would definitely come at her during the final showdown since she's healing everyone else from a distance. Tatiana sees Olive just standing there and is a bit confused until she sees the glowing light emitting from her hands and just patching up whoever's fighting her of their injuries quickly and this sets her off. Everyone else realizes that Tatiana is charging at Olive and tries to warn Olive but then something happens that catches them and Tatiana off guard. Olive grabs Tatiana's arm before it can reach her, and then her eyes start glowing red. That's when Olive proceeds to just annihilate Tatiana via a flurry of throwing, punching, kicking, and slapping. Everyone else can only watch as Tatiana is smashed against the floor while Olive has her usual smile on her face, and then afterwards she throws Tatiana at the crown, which explodes just like in the original game and reveals Kul Fyra's guitar. Olive made sure not to hurt Tatiana too badly while doing all that and when she heals her of her injuries I'm sure Tatiana is very confused as to why Olive would heal her after she tried to attack her and lost. Olive just smiles and let's Sylvie take over aka giving Tatiana her therapy.

Sylvie would indeed suspect something is up with Kliff, but Artemis attempts to come to his defense (Mainly because of her *cough* feelings *cough* towards him but she's too shy to admit it) and tries to convince her friend that Kliff wouldn't do anything drastic. Obviously Sylvie is not having any of it and talks with Kliff anyway, and that's when she helps him realize that he has a very unhealthy parasocial relationship with his idol/Tatiana and works with him to solve any other problems he may have as well.

And that's about everything that's coming to my mind right now about FRAU, my OFA AU thoughts are starting to take over again so I'll head off to elaborate on them on my own blog lol. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings once again Eri :D

I had this mental image that Olive was smaller than Tatiana so all I was seeing in my head was Tatiana getting slapped and thrown by someone less than half her height lol! But glad I relooked at Olive because her being taller than Tatiana and being able to do that makes so much more sense!

But yes, she would be so confused and it makes me think of the scene from Undertale where Flowey doesn't understand why you spared him (them? I forget Flowey's pronouns, my bad). She would be more willing to listen to Sylvie and B2J at that point, but still hesitant because of thinking everything she's worked for will be stripped away from her (but she probably would come fully around after a few therapy sessions).

The Kul Fyra moment would probably be even more heartbreak. For Mayday and Cyril. The both idolized her and now they realize that she is the reason for a lot of their suffering because they tried to follow her path. I don't know, it just feels even more bitter sweet than how the original ending goes. I don't think Tatiana would give the guitar to either of them though, both can't play it (May physically and Cyril doesn't know how), so instead I see her as using it as a symbol to bridge EDM and Rock together.

But going back to Nova for a second, he would be VERY surprised at the fact that his head got healed. I still think there would at least be a scratch still, something that won't ever fully heal (like a scar) but at least now he will be able to contain his space dust and think with a clear head more easily! (he would also gladly stop playing music to just talk about himself and his woes, probably lets slip some stuff about Neon and 1010 too which would help Garden of Thorns/Ex-Jay depending on WHEN the rematch with Nova happens).

Group therapy will also have to wait at least a little bit after the NSRtists have some one-on-one therapy, because all I can see is Eve and Mama ganging up on Neon, 1010, and Nova while Yinu and Sayu's Crew try to stop the whole fight that is about to go down. Until Tatiana raises her voice telling them to all shut up and sit down which immediately makes them ALL obey (and also shows the therapist/Sylvie/whoever just how much work is going to need to be done).

And Kliff's relationship isn't ENTIRELY parasocial since he and Tatiana do have history together, however I do see a good talk between Tatiana and Kliff to be great closure for both of them. Maybe they get a little physical at first, with a punch here and there (from both ends) but Olive heals them both up and their wall of frustration is gone and they can finally have an open conversation. They can both finally close the book on their relationship, never really talking again, but the two finally being at piece with their shared past. (And it helps that Kliff now has Artemis to get his mind off of Tatiana :3).

So yeah! A lot of things would turn out quite nice if a Re-Revolution occurred with multiple bands coming together to pull it off! There would still be the initial few years of suffering everyone does, but at least by the end people are healing together instead of scarring by themselves!

#doveriathegoddess #nsr #no straight roads #nsr au #othideas #failed revolution #eritalks #eriau #othoc #noart #asks #love the mental image of o/live beating the crap out of t/atiana #it's just so funny to me #lol #also really like your d/jss take #he would gladly let his head get healed #it would allow bonking n/eon's head to be easier #:3c

[intboytoy]

in retrospect I could reblog and add text to all of your blogs about me the ones you misunderstood the ones you yourself conjured up in your head about me all the delusions of me.. the idea of me being vilified when all I did was work and come to you miles away. What would be the point though so you could sign in years from now and one of us gone far too late to have any words between us. I don’t wanna look back because of you. Because of you I don’t trust anything you do say or be. Everything from you has a bit of deceit. If you asked me to meet I would think but I would still not show up go ahead be there at this time and place I’m not scared to show up I just don’t care anymore you’ll just lie to me again.

thank you, thank you for showing me what it is to stand and be against those that don’t have resonance and respect towards me or fellow. If it wasn’t for everyone I would’ve still be docile and submissive. To people who they themselves have problems within the setting. If I’m wrong I’m wrong and again I can say that and hold me to it. Cause I’m not prideful I’m just tryna to understand why 3 years why act why lie why tell everyone this instead of that why make me look bad and you just scape from everything.

do you know how that feels? Do you really read into your positions and wonder if you are truly wrong at all. All you do when you see me is the past right? I don’t connect those images to you. I see the growth. You disallow me prior to even fully understanding anything of me today.

yeah coming here and going in detail from time to time isn’t me being yesterday I’m not gonna comply to others I’m not gonna succumb or suck it up.

I’m not stupid as to what 2021 texting your ex was, it’s a whole bunch of mourning of yesterday for you. That day you did that to me I started detaching from you cause why would I wanna be closer to someone who looks for another? I was your rebound all these years I told you I don’t care about my ex and you would project that like I was the one who did that to you.. but in reality you were the one.

I wish you would just be honest. You run from everything. You are the avoidant I’m just an anxious. But I tried for you all these years and you just neglected me. But you’re not the only one cause I mean it looks like a pussy right? When in reality I just wanted the humor between us.. I told you it reminded me of the fire of a phoenix and I really liked it. Till this day you replay that like cool bud can we move on..? Whos holding onto it more… I just want you to see tomorrow and the present..

also my bad I think, I think a lot. I feel if I slowed down it be nice but I would be behind on topics and never been able to discuss certain matters that yes do be and are necessary for conversation but what a lot of them far in depth and out of place. Right? The internet, politics, way of life, currency, demographics, mental thought processes bonded to psychological matters, what else.. but I’m a panderer right? I side with people right? When all I said was everyone thinks like this.. it’s a human being effort it’s a part of our conscious behavior.. I’m not glued to a color I’m glued to the concept of man and women. I’m tied to understanding the science of humans.. but okay.. whatever you say.

I have things to do. I gotta go.

you really don’t come here. But all this is true and you know that if you gave it some time you would finally see what I’m talking about with you.. everyone and the essence that is.

I mean down the line I too see the civil disrupt but hey what did you say? I mean backtrack Renton… DoorDash.. total wine…

my memory is strong because I know when I’ve been done wrong.

bests.

[clarks-letterman]

Wally anon: Yup, exactly. It's really the weakest aspect of the writing @ making it completely obvious who's gonna die, but ALSO being too afraid to kill off any of the ongoing characters even though quite a FEW of them have long since outlived their usefulness/development. And, yes, if Eddie were in a season that was less jam-packed & not written in such an obvious manner, there could've been points made with him. But, well...this is were we're at rn. 😶

Omggg, well I'm glad I could help out with motivation. Will not apologize moving forward as long as I can keep inspiring. 🫡

Very true, very true. I also can't quite place the way he put it, but it's absolutely a ~lonely on top~ situation where everyone only hypes him up for something he isn't even interested in himself because of the expectations (& yes, can't help but be into the size difference as someone who is shorter than him 🫣).

Just a deeply unserious mental image. 😭 But yup, he absolutely does. That charm has helped him get out of many...sticky situations before. 🤭

And how would he even react if he realized that, no, he has been seen & is currently still being seen? Would he even be able to stop himself or would he just go ahead & finish dhdjd

Speaking only facts. I feel like the parents were the biggest missed opportunity to kill off, the only one I don’t want to see go is Joyce. But after season 4, I wish her and hopper wouldn’t have made it honestly. (Hot take: Hopper should’ve stayed dead. I love him but writing around the literal laser thing that kills anyone who’s in proximity to it is so horrendous😭) + Mrs Wheeler should’ve gone in S3 and shown that the writers were committed to flayed!Billy being a threat. Because… he’s just kind of menacingly not himself and not much else (Dacre’s performance elevated it enough to work though), otherwise, Billy feels like Soulless!Sam in Supernatural. They kind of just lack empathy and exist to serve something greater that isn’t all that scary.

Okay, now to Wallace (Walter? What is Wally short for omg)

He definitely enjoys have his life feel so assured. He’s got support from everyone but the catch is that he doesn’t feel like himself when doing it. It’s a win-lose situation. If he doesn’t do what others want then he doesn’t get their support (or in the case of his mom, her love probably with the way he talked about it) and if he does what others want, he isn’t happy. Ugh I wish his struggle didn’t end with… yk😪

The size difference is everything. I love men just tower over me, which is literally all of them because my height is the same as Josh Hutcherson’s (5’5”😛) So he would be almost a foot taller than me which is crazy… but he can give me some of his inches to compensate🥰

Definitely, he almost got detention from that one teacher and charmed his way out of it I bet, because if it were him and a teacher in detention, he wouldn’t be able to control himself he would probably go crazy. That charm has saved him before fr

Being seen by someone alive would be crazy, so I could guarantee he’d think you’re a ghost. That was, if you had the nerve to go up and talk to him in the middle of his… motions. I get the sense that he’d keep going, trying to entertain a conversation but getting too distracted by how good his hand—or whatever he’s doing—feels to finish it. “One thing at a time,” he’d insist, finishing up with himself first then immediately turning ecstatic when he goes to greet you. He’s the type of guy to stick out the same hand he was using to, let’s just say, pleasure himself when he’s going to exchange names and all and see no problem with it. (Mostly because he knows all of that white stuff is gone from his hands in seconds cause he’s a ghost and all, but your hesitance to shake his hand after seeing all that go down was the tip he needed to think you’ve still got a pulse.)

#wally clark x male reader #wally clark x you #wally clark

[threenorth]

I wonder how many times I'm correct or Incorrect, as there's some that sound pretty close.... And some that are feeling right but probably not too.

Billy, no I didn't use you during covid. If you ment as in a punching bag for vents, no I wanted you to know what I was feeling or doing as we weren't talking. Or if you ment on only freinds, no I told you I'd support you whatever you do, so I was following along...

Him, a deal? I don't recall a deal? But you want to break a deal? A mention it? Well had I known what the deal is? But you mean the part where I told you not to talk to me? That was more me. Asking to try protect you, and what an idiot would make that,someone not thinking straight in their truma... (cough) that was some smart guy *rolls eyes* oh me? Yeah... I was dumb.

Lien, or connection? Or bind? In French.

Everyday, I wished it would of been different, I also blame myself alot of it...sometimes I do stupid things, I'm greatful you can accept some of them, but I'd really hoped yourd move on from some of them once I admitted I was wrong, I know I asked for a strong indipent woman, it's because I didn't know if I could of looked after you at the time and myself not being able to understand my own problems, well at least I know now my problems are around unable to express my emotions because I only feel them at the highest/extreme level of... It explains alot... I guess I've had two known mental health breakdowns and a few that would be considered if I got to see a professional and or if they actually knew more then just the usual... At least I'm getting somewhere...

F, wants a little vlog well it's lunch maybe before I get back to work but there's not much to say right now...

Boog, back to back, against it all.

I don't think yourd call me bee, maybe after seahavens honey bee song, beautiful but sad anyway... but some of those are intersting... And I'd message if I could but you still have your blocks up or per say a wall around you.

Roxanne? As in the police and the prostitute?

What happened? That you like me again? Or that you hate me?

Sparky? I'm not an electrician but maybe you remember when I told you my circle in high school called me techie? And the moon that's pretty close away but yes savage garden to the moon and back.

Logan, it's tough to stay when you get kicked out of a motel and have nowhere else to go, had we talked I was going to say if we can scrape though a enough bills that I have to pay regularly I might be able to stay longer than what I expected to be a month on holiday... So like the fucked up movie that's amazing the enternal spotless mind.

I wish I stayed too.

Nova? Like supernova star/sun?

Your my anything? if everything is the one your taking it, but I also think your my everything.

You might of liked my cope work laptop (corporate owned personal equipment)

lockscreen todays random image of the day.

It reminded me of the twilight baseball with muse, even if it's not a black hole.

#Spotify

[honeychronicles]

Social Media: An Illusion

I was introduced to social media at the young age of 12 as I remember. Now, for me, as I grew up looking at all these influencers, I believed that this is how my life is supposed to be, you know? Enjoying every single moment and posting about it, putting on good make-up, having the best clothes, best body, best mentality, perfect friends, and perfect relationships. I was so bummed about being home the majority of the time and having a normal life when I saw these people. What I didn't know then was that this is all just an illusion. It was a pretence that any tween would believe easily.

It was this year when I realized that all of this is fake and nothing else. Yes, some parts of it are true but not all of them. People only post what they want you to see. They post as per the image of themselves that you want in your head, the perception they want to create. For example, if I want to be seen as a humorous person, I will post a lot of memes and tell you about my witty encounters. If I want you to think I have the potential of a fashion model, I'll only post fit-checks. Everything is so fabricated on social media that it makes us believe that everyone is exactly how their stories are and that's their real personality. We start to think that everyone out there is living their best lives and you're the only one staying in bed on a weekend. Social media just has a bunch of manipulators and masterminds (including all of us). Most of these people you see on the internet are fakers. I've seen people make their entire life about what they're going to post on their Instagram story that day to create that 'image'. Like the dumbest people you've met in real life will post about some book that saved their life and how they're so satisfied with everything. They are doing nothing but trying to make their online persona a reality which will definitely not become a reality by doing nothing. All these influencers just create false standards of how everything should be.

Everyone has their shit. People just post the highlights of their days to be seen as 'perfect'. Nothing wrong with them posting the best moments of their lives, go ahead. Everything takes a wrong turn when we start comparing ourselves to others and think that they're doing better than us. Their actions have nothing to do with you. As small as this issue may sound, I've struggled for years thinking everyone else is out there living out their 'teenage dream' and I'm doing nothing. Most of my friends went through this phase too. Social media creates a misconception and drills it in our minds that we must live our life how it's seen on Instagram, for instance. We want our peers to think that we're so cool and better than everyone. But hey, it's fine if you're going through it and not partying all day, like okay, it doesn't make a difference. We're all in this together and we need to stop running behind looking the best online because this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You will always see someone you think is perfect and better than you but trust me, they too will have a weak point. Everyone has their weaknesses and it's okay. It's life.

When I say everyone only posts about the best moments, I am not saying you should go ahead and post the sad truth of life and be overly open about all your problems (unless you want to). I'm just saying that the majority of people don't let you see the real version of them. Everything you see is a facade and you can create this facade too. You'll never truly know a person just by looking at their stories, I swear. I know people who look so amazing online with their 'mature' brains but in real life, they're the total opposite. I was so shocked on the days I met people I'd only seen online. Like they were so different and not in a good way. That's exactly why you can't decide how someone is by looking at their 'cool' stories. Not everything you see is real.

The healthy way to use social media, if there is any, is to just see what others share without letting it reflect on you. These are just the made-up highlights of their lives. You can also try and minimize your screen time and trust me, it helps a lot. Like try and use Instagram for only an hour a day and focus on other things that are important to you. You can also try a social media detox for even a day where you don't open your socials and see how differently you feel about things. It's a game-changer. Post whatever you want, and post the best version of yourself always, just don't feel envious when others do that. Comparison is one of the most toxic habits for your mental health and most people don't accept it, but they do it. Like stop comparing your life to what you see online and start living.

Using social media is normal and we like to post to look 'aesthetic' and all and show everyone our likes and dislikes. We should just not let all these people get into our heads. I use social media daily and every time I see the stories of my version of 'perfect people', I recognise that this is not exactly how their life is and they have their shit too. Social media is to share and not to compare. Don't fall into the trap that's laid out for you and use all these apps responsibly. The next time you start to compare your life to someone's online, just remember - it's all an illusion or just come back and read this blog again.

#social media #self care #fake media #blog #new blogger #teenage #instagram #ig story #influencers