#yes he knows about the blog

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[juniperleafdelivery]

#my art #trans #side note: following tags are a pretty long thought dump #ugh okay i'm going to be honest #i didn't know anything about predstrogen until she was banned and many people started talking about her #also looked through photomatt's blog very briefly #to me he sounds callous- if that's the right word. he just didn't seem to care about what happened to predstrogen prior to her being banned #also? car with hammers that explodes multiple times feels far from being a serious death threat to me #yes predstrogen explicitly mentioned death wishes #but i don't know. what she said is more cartoonish than serious #also something i noticed from photomatt: where is the evidence that predstrogen threatened other users? #i haven't been looking into all this that deeply #but that photomatt stating that as part of the reason for predstrogen's ban and then not elaborating is. weird. for lack of better words #on a slightly different note: i love tumblr and how i can be my silly queer self and nobody cares #but if we don't stand up for each other — especially those who are constant targets for harrassment and other crappy things #tumblr will eventually die or bear no resemblance to the site i enjoy so much #maybe i'm privileged! being a trans masc guy #or maybe i'm ignorant #but i guess i have a tendency to say a lot. and i hate staying silent when i have the opportunity to speak out #so i'm going to scream #and i hope y'all are going to speak in support of trans women too

[anghraine]

I think it's interesting that when Gandalf describes Denethor's ability to "perceive, if he bends his will thither, much of what is passing in the minds of men," he ties it less to his wisdom or general insightfulness (though he possesses both) than to his difference from "other men of this time," his near total Númenóreanness, and as bolded here, the active exercise of his will.

Tolkien also attributes Denethor's resilience against Sauron (by contrast with Saruman) to not only his right to use the Anor-stone, but "great strength of will." He notes that Sauron had no servant with greater mental powers than Saruman or Denethor, and Gandalf remarks that Denethor was "too great" to be subdued to Sauron's will.

Denethor and Gandalf have a strange and unsettling silent confrontation, carried on by their gazes, yet it strikes Pippin as like "a line of smouldering fire" and "as if reading each other's mind." Gandalf afterwards says Pippin was stuck between two "terrible old men," lumping Denethor in with himself. Pippin also sees some kind of kinship between Denethor and Gandalf, as Sam saw between Faramir and Gandalf.

In his letters, Tolkien said that the ancient Númenóreans became barely distinguishable from Elves in appearance and in their powers of mind. In Unfinished Tales, he notes that they loved their horses, and when a Númenórean had a strong bond with a horse, it was said that the horse could be summoned "by thought alone."

In LOTR, Faramir—who has inherited Denethor's Númenóreanness/wizardliness—has a reputation for command over both animals and men. When everyone else is thrown by their horses upon being chased by five Nazgûl, he not only keeps his seat, but mysteriously gets his horse to ride back towards the Nazgûl. And during the retreat across the Pelennor, the soldiers in the city conclude that Faramir must be with the men who are managing to retreat in order, repeating Beregond's remark that he has some undefined command over both men and beasts.

Gandalf suggests that this is a result of Faramir pitting himself against the effects of the Nazgûl in some way, but his abilities (whatever they are) are outmatched. In the event, the effect of Faramir's Aura of Courage commanding abilities remains until he's shot and finally falls to the Black Breath.

Faramir also makes repeated references to perceiving or reading things in Gollum's mind. At one point, he describes Gollum's mind as dark and closed, yet unable to prevent Faramir from detecting that he's holding something back about Cirith Ungol specifically. Noticeably, this only happens when Faramir orders Gollum to look at him (which Gollum does "unwillingly"), and the light drains from his eyes as he meets Faramir's. It seems decidedly reminiscent of the later Gandalf vs Denethor duel-by-eye-contact.

Faramir's exact words about Gollum's secrecy are "That much I perceived clearly in his mind," in reference to his earlier questioning of him. He says that he can "read" previous murders in Gollum and Gollum cries out in pain when he tries to lie to him.

When Faramir gives staves to Frodo and Sam, he says that a "virtue" of finding and returning has been placed on them, with zero explanation of what he means by that. He adds a hope that the virtue will not altogether fail under Sauron's power in Mordor. He describes the people who did the woodwork but not who placed the virtues (it doesn't seem inherent to the wood itself, given his phrasing).

We do know that Dúnedain can potentially embed enchantments into items. The Barrow-daggers carried by Merry and Pippin are specifically enchanted against the Witch-king of Angmar by an unknown Dúnadan of the North, and when Merry stabs the Witch-king, the dagger breaks enough spells for Éowyn's ordinary sword to finish the job.

Meanwhile, Aragorn uses his healing powers to help the city, wishing for the presence of Elrond, because he is their eldest of their kind and more powerful. Aragorn, also, has at least some part of this ability to actively exercise his will and mental powers, perhaps an equal share, though he uses it less often.

In the book, he doesn't physically attack the Mouth of Sauron, but instead holds his gaze (again, eye contact is important!). There's another silent struggle that involves no weaponry or any other contact.

He prevails in some way over the Mouth of Sauron (not a warped creature of Sauron in the book, but a cruel Númenórean who has "learned great sorcery"). The Mouth indignantly says he has diplomatic immunity and can't be attacked like this.

But, I mean, maybe they're all just smart and perceptive, it's really unclear.

#eldritch dúnedain WHEN #because i am very aware that this could be deeply unsettling if presented just a bit differently! #but it is wild to me that tolkien can outright say 'this guy is a númenórean who learned sorcery' #and people are still like 'but can númenóreans use magic. i guess we'll never know.' #or have faramir give his whole speech about what gollum's mind looks like to him and what he can see clearly in it #fandom: idk it's just really unclear #gandalf: denethor can see what happens in other people's minds if he exercises his will #fandom: a great mystery ... maybe he's just very wise and insightful??? #tolkien: the dúnadan who enchanted the daggers would be happy to know his spells worked and helped defeat the witch-king #fandom: númenórean craftmanship is /skilled/ of course but how can we make this about elves #honestly it seems like people don't /want/ númenóreans to have supernatural abilities and i'm not sure why #humans who have elvish-style powers and appearance yet can never escape their humanity is SUCH a concept #(yes i will harp on this until the end of time) #anghraine babbles #legendarium fanwank #legendarium blogging #long post #húrinionath

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN #honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog #where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags #kyle dubas #toronto maple leafs #& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe #& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit. #this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!! #my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor #the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi #that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like #ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds #how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid #the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines #i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer #brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc #bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always #know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works #no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried. #i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs #i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick) #& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen #narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel #about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO #did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle) #OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner #if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf #simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2 #one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry #liv in the replies

[originalaccountname]

#vee this is for you #i've only ever posted like 3 things on this blog in like 9 years of services #breaking my silence to yell about chuuya #yes it's related to all the recent takes about where Chuuya belongs #because all of them have great points but also none of them make sense #which makes me anxious to know if Asagiri has a better idea of where he is going or if #you know #because there's an option that doesn't require to make a decision at all about where he ends up or what's fulfilling for his character #and I don't want that #bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #apparently i talk sometimes

[demadogs]

i dont think its a breakup scene. i think the mlvn breakup will coincide with mike coming out to her so it’ll be MUCH more emotional. tears, hugs, the whole shebang. i think this (if its about their relationship at all) is more similar to jancy’s “are we good?” scene at the end of s4.

#yes i know i literally just said im not reverting back to being a byler blog yet- #BUT IM SEEING SO MANY TAKES I DISAGREE WITH AND IF I DONT SAY MINE ILL EXPLODE #i also dont think the swingset is for a cute flashback i think its for an evil vecna vision #and while im at it I DONT THINK THERE WILL BE A FIGHT OVER THE PAINTING I THINK ITLL BE A SYMBOL OF HOPE THAT HE LOVES HIM BACK #damnit i really thought i could be normal about this show #this is devestating bc i really love the look of my blog when its just gifs of shows #also ​i still havent moved on from yellowjackets #byler #stranger things #all my new yj mutuals probably looking at me like 🧍‍♀️ the fuck are you talking about #byler predictions

[rosetintedgunman]

(Text from here)

-

If no one got you, know that Wilford Warfstache got you.

Bonus reaction pic if you want to use it:

#wilford warfstache #(okay to reblog) #(for those who don't know my blog; my Wilf runs an entertainment facility called the Moonlight Roller #and it has a roller rink and a disco; which is where this show would take place #but one of the other rooms is a quiet sensory room since he knows everything is very overwhelming) #(point is; he's on your side!) #intern doodles (mun art) #on the tablet #(there is more in the roller but the tags aren't the place to talk about it) #(should I have used more than one pencil? yes. no regrets though)

[boxboxlewis]

treating out of context bs as a little characterization idea... that ain't it girl

harold this is a sports rpf blog

#personally i think it's healthy to acknowledge that when we talk about the drivers we are talking about & participating in the construction #of PERSONAS #so yes i will talk about 'characterisation' bc i don't know anything about e.g. the actual george russell #except that he certainly doesnt read my blog #anon maybe consider taking a leaf from his book #asks

[spiderwebbd]

Hello PHIGHTING fandom please accept this peace offering in exchange for letting me in your humble community

Alt version of boombox below :]

#phighting! #Phighting fanart #Phighting boombox #Phighting skateboard #They're in two different styles because uhm I liked it that way and uhhh fuck consistency am I right/silly #The only consistent thing about this is that I like bright neon colors and that's not saying much/lh #So I KNOW skate kinda turned out better but that's just cause Im more familiar with red than I am of green so ik which colors worked better #I'm sorry boom my bbgril I'll get better just for you/silly #Theyre both my favorites but I'm a boom main he's my ride or die guys #(<-- sucks with any other class/lh) #ANYWAYS!!! #Cw bright colors #Eyestrain #eyestrain tw #Cw eyestrain #Soda art #<- might change the tagging system here idk #First post!! (Except not rlly but also uhm yes) #Quick question does anyone else firmly believe boom would do drugs cause like hes got potential for stoner vibes guys am I the only one #anyways HII FIRST POST IN THIS BLOG LET'S GOOOOOO #Phighting roblox #<-- I forgor

[minty-frost]

Ooh, you need to make art for active and popular fandoms to-

NO!!!

「バランワンダーワールド」の攻撃!!!!!

(+ feat. Anon who was supposed to be a reader insert but ended up just an OC)

#i don't actually like the game. just this guy. #yes bww is the fandom i was talking about when i mentioned posting about it on my second blog #balan wonderworld #ah yes. the A x B dynamic. #I was planning to post this on some important day. but idk when that could be. #so uh. balan jumpscare. #yeah I wanted the japanese to say ''jumpscare'' but I didn't know how to say it so I just went with ''attack'' #mint's arts #swearing #cw drugs #tw drugs #< a little bit #boy what is your design. why you so. uh. i have no idea what he is. #kinda gender though. #balan x anon #bww anon #oc x canon #< forgot a few tags

[aphsillyos]

his default recall is so cool..........

#not me arts tag #ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough #i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................ #i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass #because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong #also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy #he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field #he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like #this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics #''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what #is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there #i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations #like he has a laugh animation for every weapon....... #all the various weapon animations... #maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do #i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them #cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations #unless we get an alune legendary..... #hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth #like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game #the contrast would be very funny methinks #if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices #but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune #(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....) #then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion #can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk #(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself) #i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something #anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute

[adhd-merlin]

Very correct Gawain characterization but isn't he Welsh?

I'm afraid they're also british now

#is this about the post that said “the british have gawain” or something? bc that was a direct quote from the podcast #and it didn't say HE is british; rather he was the hero knight the british focused on #I don't think I've called him british or - god forbid - english #but anyway yes you're right I mean king Arthur himself comes from Welsh folklore so #the Mabinogion? I believe? #pls don't come to me asking about arthuriana this is a bbc merlin blog #I know nothing about arthuriana #but yeah it's the welsh's fault #asks

[andrewscottsource]

Hey all! It's been a very long time since I made a post on this blog (I do keep an eye on everything from afar) but I wanted to share something really cool and very special that happened!

Over the weekend I went to MCM Comic Con in London and I had the privilege of meeting Andrew Scott (I still can't quite believe it!)

He was so SO lovely and the entire experience was just amazing. I got to gush about how much I love his work and how much it helped me through some of my own life experiences being Bi and Trans - he listened so intently to everything I had to say and asked me so many questions, it was just wonderful to have that time with him and I feel very lucky.

After we had a chat he signed the beautiful print above for me and took such care in writing me a lovely message that just really warmed my heart. He really is just such a wonderful caring person and I will pass on to you all what he said to me as I left his table: "Don't stop making your tribe bigger." Surround yourself with people who can support you and who you can support in turn, love people and be loved because there can never be too much love in the world. I know how kind-hearted you all are, and I couldn't be more thankful for this little space we've created in our corner of the internet.

Thank you all.

Love and Hugs,

Max

#andrew scott #text #i cant remember the tagging system i set up for this blog sorry holly LOL #he truly is one of the most wonderful people ive ever had the pleasure to meet #also yes i told him about the blog #i mentioned it in passing and he asked me a few questions about it so he knows it exists now haha #thank you all for reading this post and still being here all these years after i made the blog! #i wish my thoughts had been more coherent when i met him yesterday #but thats what i get for standing in queues for a combined 9 hours the day before

[strawberrybabydog]

for me, some level of trauma related to being the least-favourite child is directly related to playing videogames and boredom

growing up my younger sister got handed the SNES controller and i didnt. she played with my parents and by herself and i watched but didnt play. sometimes this was because i wasnt allowed and other times i thought it was a choice, even though, my choice was because i didnt know how to play and if i asked my mom would have said "really? you want me to start a whole new save file JUST for you?" and i would have quietly said nevermind, and remembered not to ask ever again

when we got a wii, for my sister's birthday she got 2 wii games. for my birthday i got decorations even though i was too young to understand what a decoration is and i just tried playing with them (emphasis on try). sometimes i would come home from school and my sister would have a random gift (something i never got) - another wii game! because it was on sale at blockbuster, and oh sorry Luna, we didnt get anything for you because they didnt have anything you would like.

by the end of our wii, i had 1 wii game that was mine - i chose whenever i wanted to play it, for how long, and if anyone else wanted to play it they had to ask. that was the rules, because it was mine. my younger sister has 11 wii games.

when i was in middle school, i was not allowed to get a better (real) console. it was too expensive. plus, we have the wii, it works perfectly fine, just play on that. m...my one game? that i've been playing since i was 9? that i've 100%'d 5 times? yes.

when i was in highschool i wasnt allowed to have money, especially not to spend online. "luckily" i met an internet friend who was a hacker and sold what he claimed to be abandoned steam accounts. he gave me one for free. i played stardew valley and oblivion religiously, because my laptop was built in 2010 and could barely handle the lowest graphics settings of a game several years older than it. it ended up getting double-hacked so after a year of using it, i once again had no more videogames

now im an adult and i just... cant play videogames. basically none of them. after abut 30 minutes of playing i get so anxious that i have to stop. i havent played stardew valley in about 2 years, my favourite game of all time that i used to stay up until 8am playing.

the game loads, and im anxious because i forget the controls. i walk up to an npc and get anxious because if i dont pick the perfect dialogue tree, im failing myself by not being perfect, so i'll pause the game and go on my phone for 10 minutes to find the answer (i HATE doing this.) i approach a puzzle and im anxious because what if im not smart enough to solve it and i fail again? i need to check if anyone's in the room with me now because if anyone is watching me play they'll know i'm a failure too so i should stop playing. but, videogames are communal (they must be,) i have only ever experienced playing them with someone else there (watching sibling/parents play, watching youtube letsplays) but if someone else sees me fail i'm the worst person ever. and i mean, realistically, how do you even play a videogame for more than 1 hour? how do focus on 1 thing for that long? sounds fake to me

but... i want to play videogames. i know they're experiences. and i want to have experiences. especially because as a disabled person my only other option is youtube. so if i'm not playing videogames, i'm bored out of my skull laying in bed, doing nothing, staring at my youtube screen watching the exact same video essay for the 6th or 7th time this week because the algorythm's only other choice is "perfect damascus steel knife blade DIY"

other than youtube, what am i supposed to do? i cant play videogames - i'm not perfect at them, i cant focus, and i just dont deserve them. there is nothing else.

#and im not even touching on how this has othered me socially #i had to go to high school and listen to my friends talk about playing soulsborne while i had to go home and play fucking #my sims kingdom for the wii. that was my game. that was the 1 game i had #i didnt even choose it either. or ask for it. or know what it was. my parents bought it because it was in the fucking clearance bin #once again i should emphasize that there was no reason for them to treat me this way at fucking all #i am autistic but i am also like very fucking normal. painfully so #i was especially a very normal child #but in their brains they just see me as the RWord and that's enough justification to not give me things that i need or make me happy #sorry for posting this on this blog i pretty much have 1 friend and she talks to me like once a week lol #personal #not dog #parental trauma #yes im including this as trauma btw i literally cry when faced with the task of playing a video game i literally panic #there's also something to be said about growing up in a hypermisogynistic environment and how living with 1 male and 1 TV #makes me immediately give up videogame powers to him. like. why am i playing the tv im a girl he's in charge He should be playing videogame #big shout out to the 0 people who will read this entire post why tf am i posting this oh riiighhht i have no friends. ok tumblr post now

[compacflt]

COMPACFLT, ma’am, you’ve absolutely wrecked me with: “My father—my father was kind”. I can’t even tell you exactly why, but that just struck right in the chest with the force of a sledgehammer, gosh. If it’s alright with you, could you please share your headcanons about Ice and Mav’s fathers? I know I’m, like, quoting your own work back to you but I can’t help it: “Well, dead pilot dads, that’s one thing we have in common.” —But do they? Or is one dead pilot dad vastly different from the other?

ice’s dad (Thomas kazansky sr.): asshole army major OH-6 and UH-1 pilot who got shot down over Vietnam in 1967. son of far-eastern-european immigrants. anti-commie. wanted ice to ALSO be a chopper pilot in the army, so ice went navy instead. daredevil dipshit who died & left ice’s mom alone with two young kids & whose death encouraged ice away from breaking the rules or being unsafe (esp. in the air). not necessarily a great person or a great father but died when ice was 8 so also not a huge influence on his life (i know val kilmer has said ice’s father was a big influence… I’ve written elsewhere about why i personally shifted ice’s narrative away from daddy issues and more towards Navy authority in general issues, in light of ice’s character and rank in tgm. GOD i need a master post sorry, but i think you can find it if you search “edts notes” on my blog and scroll for a while). ice’s LACK of a father -> no man to model himself on -> overcompensating & not getting it exactly right (doesn’t know how to talk to other men) -> maverick immediately clocks him as gay -> the plot of my fic.

Maverick’s dad (peter “duke” mitchell sr.): a genuinely awesome person. funny & kind, warm & loving, a truly good father & a great fighter pilot. big american patriot. Comes from a long long line of us navy personnel—maverick has the navy family name & the pedigree ice, as a second generation american, does not. Im still not sure who raised maverick—it’s one of those things I don’t have a strong opinion on, so it could go either way (i posited in the airplane one-shot that he was raised by relatives, aunt & uncle, but I know it’s a popular hc here that he was a foster kid—all equally plausible to me) but I do think he grew up exceedingly bitter, hearing about how great his dad was and how there was just no way! his dad could’ve failed the Navy the way he supposedly did, because he was just such a good person… there’s a real bitterness about original maverick that TGM maverick kind of lost. His bitterness only shows during the “it’s not the plane it’s the pilot” “EXACTLY” exchange (incidentally the scene that gave me the idea that Bradley thinks mav pulled his papers bc he’s openly gay…it’s the pilot not the plane, ouch). but i still think maverick is like deeply deeply bitter about how the navy handled his fathers death, which is what the excerpt i posted on wednesday is actually about—he confesses to ice how disillusioned he has been with the navy as an institution since he found out the truth about his father’s heroism. I know i just just just said that Maverick’s patriotic conservatism is his reason for existence in the meta “why we make mil propaganda movies” sense, and i stand by that, but i think on a human character level there probably has to be a little bit of deep-seated resentment towards the Navy for smearing his father’s good name and his own good name in the process. My maverick grew up a good Christian kid, called himself peter jr. after his good guy father, who never broke ANY rules until he was radicalized by not getting into the academy (“punish the son for the sins of his father”) and basically lost his mind for 30+ years. “If my family name automatically makes me a sinner in the navy’s eyes, then I might as well sin anyway.”

#i really don’t like Maverick’s character in tgm #which has been dulled down and his original motivation forgotten (upset at not getting into the USNA) #for the sake of…. pulling his OWN son’s papers from the USNA??? #to serve the mil propaganda movie aim of recruitment as ive written about elsewhere on this blog #i tried to rectify this in my fics but it also meant that my exTREMELY bitter maverick is at odds with #the gentle soft-spoken slightly neutered maverick TGM actually presents us with #🤷🏽‍♀️ imo the bigger narrative evil is making maverick pull Bradley’s papers (punish the son for the sins of his father) so that was my main #fix-it priority. #mav’s bitterness is a side-effect of Bradley’s papers getting pulled anyway #yes to some extent they all have daddy issues #but i think it’s more complicated than that #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #and also yeah i know it’s cool to make ice like representative of navy lineage but #imo theres a reason they gave him a Russian name in the 1980s. like.. he’s the semi antagonist #It’s overt Cold War propaganda. he is Soviet-coded. hes meant to invoke anti-american sentiment. #so personally I shifted ice away from navy lineage… he’s from an immigrant family he has a lot to prove and a lot standing in his way #ive written about icemav & religion but if i haven’t made it clear: the Navy is their religion.

[dullahanblorboposting]

so....... the pizzahead x reader thing I wanted to write is. Something. Take this out of context bit

Pizzahead ignores your question, only slouching farther onto the counter in a fake, overly dramatic pout. You figured it wouldn't be so easy.

"Really though, it can't be good for you to bottle up whatever's going on in there, you know," you gesture vaguely at his head. "Half the time you come in here you're so tense I swear I could snap you in half like a stale baguette."

A small twitch of his eyebrow at your observation is all the confirmation you need to prod a bit further. "I know you like to act like everything is a big joke, right, but it's not exactly hard to see when there's something bothering you through that goofy façade you wear all the time. There! That! That exact look you're giving me right now tells me I'm right and you don't wanna talk about it. That is THE most strained smile I have ever seen. That's exactly what I'm talking about."

No comical or whitty retort follows. Nothing at all, actually- Pizzahead just maintains the same smile-grimace, head tilted off to the side and away from your scrutinizing gaze. The silence is painfully unusual and for a moment you think you might have pressed a little too hard. Maybe a different approach is called for.

You soften, exhaling deeply. A gentle hand reaches out to rest on his forearm, and the moment you make contact his eyes shoot open wide with shock. Pupils tiny pin pricks and that signature grin dropped in the blink of an eye, clearly caught off guard.

"Totino... Can you please tell me what's bothering you? It's ok to take yourself seriously sometimes. Really."

His gaze darts comically back and forth between your face and where your hand firmly grips his forearm, still looking stunned as a deer caught in headlights. You maintain steadfast eye contact and squeeze harder, damned if you let his cute, cartoonish theatrics distract you from getting through to him this time.

"Or, can you take me seriously if not?"

#pizzahead #pizza tower #pizzahead x reader #little snippet of the thing I'm working on #the full fic will be posted to writing blog (maybe my ao3 too) but ill rb it here #totino i hate you why are you so hard to write i hate you i love you i hate you shut UP #pizzahead big silly but internally full of rage and other such emotions. you are determined to get him to open up about that. #pizzahead has LAYERS he is COMPLEX i KNOW IT. unhinged and silly genuinely yes but there's MORE ALSO #reader insert #gender neutral reader #aaddghjkllhdsaa