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#yes i am procrastinating right now how could you tell
bodycountgame · 8 days ago
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made a uquiz, tell me who you get in the tags i’m nosey xoxo
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gyllenwaynesbitch · 3 days ago
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Read My Mind
nerd!Bucky × reader
Oneshot
Summary: you remind Bucky of his love for books
Word count: 1.8k+
Warnings: none. Just fluffy. Soft. Soft. Bucky. Like very baby.
Author's note: yes, James saying he read the Hobbit in '37 has played games on my mind
This is my first one for Bucky. Go easy on me babes.
LIKES AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED.
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The set up was about as perfect as it could get without the valuable input of your boyfriend - the couches were drawn out, the blankets perfectly warm and the lights were dimmed down so you could only see about a foot away from where you stood.
The only thing missing now was, probably, information about the exact books and material he would appreciate on this occasion.
It had been one of the toughest weeks of your life, holding in the itch to just pop the question before him, interrogate him out of every bit he could give you and then just stack all the right books on the shelf.
But I guess that's how surprises worked. You were not allowed to tell.
You tip toe across the room to the telephone in the hallway, dialing Sam's place so he could return your boyfriend back to you for the night.
"Hellou.", he answers in an accent, the eyebrow raise literally audible through the receiver. You hold the handset to your ear, giggling slightly at the idea of a literal oldschool phone in the otherwise tech-savvy environment of your apartment.
Old habits die hard, dont they? At least with Bucky, they did. Maybe someday you'd buy him a phone booth as well. For old times sake.
"Yeah. I think it's time for you to let Buck come over.", you answer, staring at your image in the mirror next to you. You weren't really able to decide on cozy or sexy for the night, but the bookworm side of you had decided to go with your sweats after all.
"Hey, James. Your little woman wants you home, man!", Sam shouts into the phone, your eyes widening in horror at the absolute avalanche this would start.
"You didnt just do that!", you hiss, ready to throw the reciever across the hall in case Bucky decided he wanted to talk. You were super bad at keeping things from him and you didnt need your limits tested.
"No, of course, I didn't.", he laughs. You can hear his hand slap his thigh, your eyes closing as you wait for his wave of hysteria to end. "No, Barnes is in the backyard helping me with that piece of shit car I've got. But honey, it sure is fun messing with you."
He laughs again like he just replayed the moment in his head, and this time you can't help but laugh along, the relief even apparent in the sound.
"Ok. Now go and get him. I'm waiting, jackass.", you remind.
"At your service, ma'am. Hey, Buck-", and with that the call cuts off to a white noise, your torso leaning against the wall as you set the receiver back on the stand.
You take the phone off the hook, in case of a distraction, your pulse rising every second as you over-think the success, and possible failure, of your campaign.
Would he even be ready to revisit that part of his life? Am I doing this right? Or should I have...
Procrastination came so easy to you, you often wondered if it would create a viable career.
But your brain waves were cut short by a gentle knock at your door, your steps loud and heavy as you run across the apartment to see your boyfriend.
"Hi, baby.", you greet him, your tone artificially polite like you were more a waitress at a restaurant. You swallow thickly and offer him the best smile you have.
But clearly, it does not work.
His already suspicious features now settle into a frown, his hands going around your waist as he kicks the door shut behind him.
"Hey, beautiful.", he murmurs, lips ghosting over yours as he walks you backward into the room. Used to the routine, your arms automatically loop around his neck, pulse falling back to normal as you enjoy his embrace.
"Hi."
"Sam seemed a little too pushy to send me over here.", he mentions, eyes immediately trained to your face to look for a reaction. "Can you tell me what that's about?"
You try to keep a poker face, smiling through the anticipation just till it's the perfect time to make the reveal. But the smell of books almost calls to you from the door you've conveniently left open a few feet away, and the surprise all but melts away from your mind.
"I got something for you.", you whisper, unfolding his arms from around you and intertwining your fingers through his. He smiles sweetly, still unsure of what this was about, but eager to find out.
"Close your eyes.", you instruct, his eyelids dropping almost instantly. You go up on your toes, hands covering his closed eyes from behind as you lead him towards your bedroom.
You position him right in the middle of the dimly lit area, manual blindfold coming off his face, his eyes taking a long second of stand-still to open to the view.
The gasp is audible in the silence of the room, your teeth incessantly biting your nails as you wait for a proper response. But Bucky is nearly gone. Lost in those flashes that his past refuses to return.
He takes a tentative step towards the bookshelf, and then another and another again until he's face to face with the hardbacks arranged in line. He raises a one finger, a singular index, like a child looking for the difference between dream and reality.
His digit glides along one of the spines, a smile breaking out on his face as he turns back to you.
"Do you like it?", you ask immediately, probably even before he can form a coherent answer.
"Its amazing.", he nods. His eyes shine in the orange glow of the lamp, his torso spinning back to the wooden shelf behind him.
"They're arranged in order, from 1900s to the latest ones at the right.", you mention, pointing in the general direction of arrangement. You quietly walk over to stand next to him, his eyes clearly lingering around 30s era that probably shaped his childhood.
"Where did you get these?", he asks absently, not quite in the room but still present enough to wonder.
"Well. I had these at my parents' place. My dad was a librarian and had all of these. I didnt know your style. So I just brought them all.", you explain. He turns his head when he sees you shrug, an arm coming around to crush you into his side, his lips planting a kiss on your head.
"And... what made you do this?", he asks with a smirk, realizing that he'd finally zeroed in on the iffy question. You squirm next to him, figuring out the best way to break your source of information.
"Well. I was speaking to Sam the other day...", you begin, turning his torso so now he's completely facing you.
"Oh, that bastard.", he snorts, shaking his head. But the little smile that lingers on his lips tells you that he's not really mad.
"And he mentioned some joke about the Hobbit? I wasn't really paying much attention until he said you'd read it... back then?" You pause for a second to let him process your words, his head nodding wordlessly as he waits for you to go on.
"And I kinda coaxed him into telling me that you did used to read as a kid. It kinda hurt that I never knew about this. But I loved having this in common with you. So I thought maybe I'd help you remember. With me.", you finish, voice trailing off into silence as you notice the slight droop of his mouth.
"Are you mad?", you ask finally, his eyes widening like you just asked him the stupidest thing.
"God. Fuck no. I'm just... I'm sorry I never told you.", he says softly. You can see the disappointment flood his eyes and you've never felt more of a need to comfort him.
"Hey! I dont blame you, baby. I know it's pretty fucking hard to talk about that stuff. I just did this so I could remake a lost memory. And give you a happy reminder. Of your other life.", you assure him. You pull him into a hug, his face resting snugly in your neck as you stand there for a moment.
"Thank you.", he mumbles into your neck, hand pressing your back closer to him.
"So now can we get down to the creating memories part? No tears. Just you, me and books.", you declare, his head shaking in awe as he picks you off the floor, leaving a peck on your lips.
"Pick a book.", you suggest, the two of you approaching the shelf again to make a decision.
"Any specific name popping into your mind?"
"Well, obviously I'd rather with the older ones for now. 30s. 40s. War era themes. They kinda hit home.", he rambles on, a happy little grin curving his lips.
"Ok. Sounds good. Let's start slow.", you agree.
"I think I used to love this one...", he murmurs, his hand reaching up to extract one of the hardbacks with a red spine, your eyes barely catching the name on the cover.
"Gone With the Wind?", you ask, amusement coloring your tone. He catches onto the change, eyebrow raising to your unexpected reaction.
"Why? You dont like it?", he asks, dubious.
"No! Of course I love it! It's just fun to watch you nerd out with me. Thrilling, really.", you nod. He narrows his eyes at you, sticking his tongue out playfully before his gaze strays over to the couches on the side.
"Let's go!", he sighs, his soul automatically drawn to the comfort of the seating, his body sinking into the cushions when he throws himself on it. He holds his hand out, asking you to join him, offering the best seating on display - his lap.
You sit into his torso, back against his chest, his lips coming down to kiss your neck before he opens the book. Your eyes are wide with curiosity, still trying to understand this side of his personality, trying to take in everything you see.
"Um, Buck?", you ask slowly, his eyes shifting back to yours from the words on the page.
"Yeah, doll? What is it?", he simply answers. His hand pulls you closer against him, his stubble rubbing lightly against your cheek as he awaits your query.
"Can you read aloud to me?", you request. His smile widens at the childish wonder in your eyes, his fingers holding the book open before you.
"Of course, babygirl.", and with another final peck on your head, he dives in.
You dont know how long it is, minutes, hours, days, but your heart cant get over the way his voice sounds as he turns page after page.
You cant stop staring at the little furrow between his brows when he's focused, that smirk when he remembers where the story is probably going and the goofy change of his tones when he immerses himself in the characters.
Somewhere along the line your eyelids start to droop, your mind swirling with the sound of his voice, your body comforted by his hold on your waist. You sink lower along his chest, pushing your legs onto the couch and snuggling into his neck.
He moves around to hold you closer, a smile on his lips as he warmly rests his cheek on top of your head, watching you drift off to sleep.
He remains silent after that, his eyes still unaccustomed to the concept of reading, his mind still desperate to grasp strands of the time that had long left him.
You wake up some hours later, your body still comfortably warm because of the man fallen asleep around you. His hand is lying by his side, the book slightly open where his thumb still rests between the pages.
You stretch out on his lap, moving off his thighs until your head rests against the arm of the couch. He awakens, startled, his eyes searching the darkness for you.
"Baby, come here.", you call him, stretching your arms out as he crawls over to bury his face in your chest.
"Thank you for the amazing surprise.", he mumbles, breath warm against your neck.
"Thank you for letting me be a part of this.", you kiss his head.
"Any time.", he chuckles, pulling you closer to him as you both fall asleep in each others arms, very much like they do in them books.
Your own version of the fairytale, if you will.
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inarizahki · 7 months ago
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Title: I Think I Could Fall In Love With You Details: Sometimes it’s all about the timing. With: Iwaizumi Hajime, gn!reader, Oikawa Tooru Word Count: 2k Warnings: some angst lol bye A/N: based on this prompt // soundtrack
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“And this is my Iwa-chan, back from studying abroad!” Oikawa jabs the dark-haired man standing next to him, the one who’s been studying you the moment you came into view. There’s something on his face that makes you want to avoid his gaze.
Pity?
Sympathy?
Does he know?
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“I think I could fall in love with you.”
It’s 1 am and the library is all but dead apart from the few sleep-deprived souls either desperately cramming or reaping the consequences of their procrastination. You’re one of the latter. If not for your friend and savior, you think you just might be here until dawn.
Oikawa doesn’t even look at you as he laughs, tapping away on your laptop.
“Don’t.”
“Why not?” your head rests on your arms and a pout juts out on your lips, “everyone else does.”
It’s true. After all, he’s...Oikawa. When he walks into a room, he fills it, brings it to life, commands everyone’s attention. And he’s like a whirlwind, taking bits and pieces of people with him when he leaves.
“You’re not just anyone.”
“So what am I then?”
He doesn’t answer, only swivels your laptop towards you and asks you if his edits look good enough to submit. You know it’s useless, that he’s not taking you seriously. But there was a part of you hoping that maybe, maybe he would answer you the way you want him to.
He doesn’t though, of course.
And he can tell you not to fall in love with him all he wants, but does it really matter if it’s too late?
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You meet Oikawa’s best friend the same time you meet her.
“This is my girlfriend,” Oikawa sings, slinging his arm around the pretty girl standing next to him and there’s the sound of something shattering. It’s a glass, you can tell from the drunken cheers and groans that burst out behind you. But you think it might be your heart.
“And this is my Iwa-chan, back from studying abroad!” Oikawa jabs the dark-haired man standing next to him, the one who’s been studying you the moment you came into view. There’s something on his face that makes you want to avoid his gaze.
Pity?
Sympathy?
Does he know?
Maybe he does, maybe you’re too easy to read, maybe that’s why the girl in front of you wraps her arm around Oikawa’s waist.
As if to tell you, he’s mine.
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It’s cold outside when you stumble out, just a little bit tipsy.
You sit down on the porch steps and close your eyes, leaning your cheek against the cool, wooden railing. Normally at this point, Oikawa would drape his jacket over your shoulders and take you back to your dorm.
“It was getting boring anyway.”
He’s always lying. You know he would rather stay.
A couple rushes past you, giggling and whispering, unable to take their hands off one another and you watch them disappear around the corner.
Something cool taps your cheek, making you flinch. Oikawa’s friend sits down on the steps next to you, nursing his red Solo cup as you take the unopened water bottle from him with a murmured thanks.
You hazard a glance at him. You wonder why he’s here. He looks like he would rather be somewhere else, someplace far away from the deafening music, muggy room, foolish mistakes being made.
He surprises you when he speaks first.
“Oikawa...can be stupid sometimes.”
You weren’t really expecting that.
“Yeah,” you swallow the lump in your throat and swipe at your eyes, feeling the sting but willing the wetness away. “He’s so dumb.”
You get a low chuckle from that.
“I question his taste sometimes.” You raise your eyebrows and look at him. He flushes a little and averts his eyes. Clears his throat. Looks back at you. His gaze lingers. “Mostly right now.”
You hide your smile in your shoulder, flicking your eyes up to meet his dark brown ones. “You’re sweet.”
The back of his neck turns red.
The two of you just sit there for a long while after that. He tells you a little about New Zealand, where he’d been for the last three months. He doesn’t say anything more about the elephant in the room, for which you’re grateful. It becomes obvious that Oikawa’s not coming out anytime soon, but somehow, it stings a little less now.
A group of drunk freshmen come staggering out of the house, nearly trampling over you if not for an arm swinging around you to pull you to the side.
“Careful.”
“Thanks.” Your eyes lock onto his and you suddenly become acutely aware of his hand, of how warm it feels on your skin.
His gaze travels down to your lips.
You don’t even think before throwing caution to the wind.
"Hey. Want to get out of here?”
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It’s easy to fall into bed with Iwaizumi Hajime, into a mess of fevered kisses, sweaty limbs, and hazy pleasure. 
He’s beautiful, a different sort of beauty from Oikawa. Darker, quieter, a little too serious.
And maybe that’s just what you needed.
His skin is hot, searing, makes you forget. He makes you forget when nothing else before has worked, body rolling against yours, lips swallowing your moans, strong arms pinning you down.
You’re a little lost afterwards, sitting back against him between his legs in the bathtub and staring at the pale tiles in front of you, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything. Just rests his chin on your shoulder and sits with you in silence.
When the steam from the water dissipates, his hands travel a little lower, slipping between your thighs.
You don’t think about Oikawa for the entire night.
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“So I was thinking,” Iwaizumi clears his throat, watching you get dressed. The morning glow filters through the window, illuminating the outline of his muscles. You take your time looking at him because hey, you know when to appreciate a man’s body.
“Yes?”
“How would you feel about grabbing some coffee sometime?” He looks unsure of himself, long fingers plucking at your sheets. Fingers that you’re so intimately familiar with now.
You’re silent for a long moment.
“I’m not over him yet.”
Iwaizumi’s face falls, disappointment written across his handsome features. “It was worth a try I gu-”
“But I’m going to try,” you interrupt, focusing your attention on pulling on your socks, a little embarrassed that this man knows something about you that not even your closest friends know. “I’m going to try to get over him.”
He looks up when you sit down next to him.
“And coffee...could be a start.”
Iwaizumi’s eyes light up.
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You do try.
You try until it doesn’t hurt to see Oikawa anymore, until you can smile at the girl who’s always next to him now, until you can tell Iwaizumi, proudly and breathlessly...
“I love you.”
You mean every word. 
Iwaizumi makes you feel special, makes you feel loved. 
And you start to think that you wouldn’t trade him for the world.
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"She broke up with me.”
Oikawa rubs at his forehead and you open the door a little wider, yawning, still groggy from sleep, so he can come in. This is nothing new, you’ve learned not to be surprised by his spontaneous visits anymore. One time he woke you up at midnight just because his toilet was clogged and he didn’t have a plunger. And that’s not even the strangest of his visits.
“Oh,” your hand drops down to your side. You’re a little more awake now.
He flops onto your couch, groaning loudly. “Iwa-chan’s not answering his phone, I have to rant about it to someone.”
“I’m someone.” You grin wryly.
He tells you everything. How she’d become fed up with him in general, from his lifestyle to his habits to his goals.
“She called me boring!” Oikawa whines as you rummage around in the kitchen. “She called volleyball a hobby!”
He looks satisfied by the gasp you give him. "Oh that is scandalous.”
“Why does it always turn out this way?”
“You poor baby,” you sigh, handing him a cup of warm water which he takes and drinks rather angrily and aggressively.
“But still,” he says, dropping his head down, “I really liked this one.”
“I’m sorry,” you tell him, feeling a little helpless. You’re sincere about it though. You know it’s not easy, being crushed like that. He stretches out on the couch, laying his head in your lap like a puppy, a now familiar move for the affectionate man. 
“But Oikawa,” you continue, brushing his hair back, “you’re a good man. You are an amazing volleyball player, and that’s your dream. Never settle for less. You will find someone better, someone who appreciates you and what you do. You’re pretty easy to love, you know?” 
“You’re sure?” 
“Positive.” 
There’s a long pause. “Maybe I should just date you.”
“Sorry.” You pat his head, a little pleased that his words don’t faze you one bit. Maybe they might have, two months ago. “I’m taken.”
You don’t notice the way Oikawa stares up at you.
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Something changes after that. 
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Oikawa’s single now, much to the joy of his campus fan club. But it seems like he has no intention of seeing new girls now because he becomes quite the sticky third wheel, popping up whenever you and Iwaizumi least expect it, and with increasing frequency.
When you sit down next to Iwaizumi at a party and he tries to tug you into his lap-
Oikawa sighs heavily, pressing the back of his hand against his forehead like a damsel in distress, “Oh, it hurts so much, the way she just left...”
You exchange looks with Iwaizumi and slowly slide off him, in silent agreement to tone down the PDA when in front of the fragile, broken-hearted man.
When you’re eating lunch and smiling at Iwaizumi as he tells you about his day-
“Iwa-channn~”
Iwaizumi’s eyes close in frustration and he breathes slowly out of his nose, controlling his anger. You stifle a sympathetic smile, patting his hand as Oikawa drops his tray down on the table next to you.
When Iwaizumi’s hovering over you, trailing kisses over your collarbone and sucking his mark into your skin and you’re trembling, clutching onto him-
The door slams open. “Iwa-chan, I- oh. Am I interrupting something?”
Iwaizumi snarls, yanking the sheets over the both of you with frightening speed, “Yes, Shittykawa!
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It’s not until you’re almost falling asleep on Iwaizumi’s lap one day while watching a movie, Oikawa sitting off to the side in one of his regular date-crashing sessions, that you notice.
He probably doesn’t think that you can see him from this angle, but you can.
A sinking feeling settles into your stomach.
Because Oikawa isn’t watching the movie playing across the screen as he should be.
No, his eyes are on you.
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It’s 1 am and you know that expression on Oikawa’s face, the smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It used to be yours, after all.
You want to scream at him, cry, hit him. You want to shake him and ask him why. Why he’s doing this. Because he shouldn’t be standing here, here in front of your dorm telling you this while his best friend is asleep in your bedroom.
“I think I'm falling in love with you.”
“I’m sorry,” his voice cracks a little and you’ve never seen him like this, so raw and helpless. Oikawa Tooru is supposed to be sure of himself, confident, like nothing could ever faze him.
But right now?
He looks small.
“I know this is wrong, I know,” his laugh is sad, bitter, “I just...needed you to know.”
“Oikawa...”
“Babe?” You both turn to see Iwaizumi coming out of your room, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, Crappykawa. What’s up?”
He’s shirtless, shivering when the evening chill hits his skin, and remedies it by pulling you backwards into his chest, pressing his lips against your shoulder. If he thinks there’s anything strange about his best friend standing at your door, he doesn’t mention it. He must be used to this too. Or maybe, from the slow, even puffs dusting your skin, he’s just so tired that he’s just falling right back asleep. You smile softly despite the situation, smoothing a hand through your boyfriend’s hair. 
It’s a smile that Oikawa used to have all to himself, back when it was just the two of you.
He looks like he wants to say something, like it’s just there on the tip of his tongue. But the arms around you anchor you, remind you that you have something, something you want to keep, to protect, to cherish.
So you just murmur a quiet, “Don’t.”
Don’t say anything.
Don’t do anything.
Don’t fall in love with me.
This time it’s not your heart that shatters.
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guardianofrivendell · 4 months ago
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💙Angst 1-Kili
Kíli x gn!reader (no use of Y/N)
Ibrizinlêkhê
Requested: yes, @themugshotexperience31 requested prompt nr 1 from the Angst list (from my 1k sleepover a few months back woops, guess who looooves procrastinating in this house?)
Prompt: I'm leaving / Of course you are, that's all you know how to do
Warnings: In my mind Kíli and angst don’t match but I tried anyways and it still turned into mostly fluff :) This is also a little long for a drabble (1.1k) so maybe ficlet is a better name? Also, in case you haven’t noticed, there aren’t any warnings really, I’m just trying to fill this space with words.
A/N: Now GYH is finished, and the writing challenges I participated in are over, I finally have time to work on the sleepover drabble requests again in between wip's!
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“What do you mean, I can’t sit with you?”
You stared at Kíli, who had the decency to look guilty for a few seconds before he tried his puppy eyes on you. Unsuccessfully, and that was a first. He swallowed heavily. 
Kíli had waited until the last moment to tell you the news, thinking that was the best way to approach this but of course he regretted it now. The celebration was starting in less than an hour and by the looks of it, you would be there shooting daggers at him the entire time. 
“Uncle said as long as we’re not officially courting you’re not allowed to sit at the High Table. It says so in the law,” he hurried to explain. 
You scoffed and folded your arms across your chest. “You mean the very same law that’s keeping us from courting in the first place?”
It turned out that there were a few lines in the law that said that the royal family could only court and eventually marry someone of the race of Dwarves. There were no mentions of other races, like yours. 
So when Kíli proudly asked permission to officially court you, the Higher Council shoved that particular section under Thorin’s nose. He had no choice but to decline Kíli’s request, but not without a promise to his youngest nephew he would look into it. 
“You know Uncle is doing his best to find a way. He wants us to be happy,” he said. “But you can’t change a law overnight.”
You knew that. And you were grateful that Thorin was so supportive of your courtship, even though it wasn’t official yet. But you hated that everything had to be a secret. No sneaking in kisses or lingering touches outside the privacy of your chambers, you couldn’t even hold his hand in public or stand too close to him without causing a scandal. 
Not that you saw him much. He was busy with royal duties during the day and most part of the night and after that, he usually went straight to his room to crash on his bed. Which you understood, you really did, but it would be nice to see him more than a few hours once or twice a week. 
“So where am I supposed to sit at the feast? I am allowed to come right, or is that also exclusively for dwarrows?”
He closed the distance between you and cupped your cheeks, lowering his head so he could look into your eyes. “It wouldn’t be a celebration if you were not there, amrâlimê.” (my love)
You couldn’t stop a smile forming on your lips. “Smooth, but you’re the only one who thinks so, Kíli. And stop avoiding my question.”
Kíli let his hands drop at his side and sighed, mumbling something that you couldn’t quite decipher. You only had to raise an eyebrow and cock your head a little for him to repeat himself, a little louder this time. “In an open spot if there is one.”
“So let me get this straight,” you began, your brows in a frown and your hands on your hips and you looked so much like his mother when she was about to give him a proper scolding that he automatically took a step back, “you want me to stand aside, waiting for everyone to be seated and then look for an open spot? Not only in the hope there is one but also knowing for a fact that everyone at that table hates me and rather see me turn around and leave? That’s ridiculous!”
“They don’t hate-”
“Yes they do! You don’t know what it’s like Kíli! I can’t walk through the halls without the whispers following me or the hateful looks. We might not be officially courting, but they know. They talk. And they take every chance to remind me that I’m not one of you. That I don’t belong.”
Your voice cracked with your last sentence and you hated it. You didn’t want to be vulnerable.   
“I-I didn’t know,” Kíli stammered, his eyes wide. “I truly had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“When should I have done that? You’re a busy man, Kíli.” A sad smile graced your lips. “But it doesn’t matter. The little time we do have together, I’d rather spend it showing you how much I love you than boring you with my woes and complaints.”
He immediately wrapped his arms around you, and kissed your hair, letting his lips linger for a while, inhaling your scent. “Still, I should've been there for you. If they give you a hard time tonight, just wave. For Durin’s sake, scream for all I care, and I’ll come to your rescue straight away.”
“I’m more likely to tackle them myself, you know that. But we shouldn’t, it will only give them more reason to be against our union. I’m sorry Kili, but if that’s how it will be I won’t be in attendance tonight.”
Kíli scratched his stubble a few times, his eyes focused on something behind you, before he muttered an ‘I see’ and headed to the entrance door of your chambers. 
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like? I’m leaving.”
“Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do!”
He swirled around at your words, hurt flashing in his eyes. 
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Whenever things are getting hard for you, you run. You run, Kíli, and then when you get back after a few hours, you hope things are okay again.”
Kíli stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds. He hated that you were right. But that was the old Kíli. Ever since he was with you, officially or not, he matured a lot. Funny what love could do to a Dwarf.
He wasn’t going to run now. On the contrary, he was going to fix this.
“I was leaving to go and tell Uncle I can’t attend the feast tonight. Not if you’re not going to be there. And you were right, they are acting ridiculous about this.”
“Kíli, you can’t! You have to be there, you’re the prince!” you gasped. “Don’t you think people would notice if there was an empty spot up at the High Table?”
He blew a raspberry into the air. “The only one of real importance up there is uncle Thorin, and maaaaybe Fíli. But don’t tell him I said that. Besides, Uncle will understand. He’s not all that bad.”
“But you’ll miss the feast, the big celebration! The music, the dancing, the food, Kíli! You would do that for me?”
He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest, his forehead leaning against yours. 
“In case you haven’t noticed yet, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, ibrizinlêkhê.” (my sunshine)
Kíli taglist: @elles-writing @supernaturalimpala67 @claraofthepen
Forever taglist: @roosliefje @kata1803 @entishramblings @artsywaterlily @sleepy-daydream-in-a-rose @marvelschriss @kumqu4t @dark-angel-is-back @the-fandoms-georgie @lathalea @xxbyimm @sokkasdarling @katethewriter @aredhel-of-gondolin @starry-cookies @elvish-sky @moony-artnstuff @kirenia15 @hey-its-nonny @moarfandomtrash @beenovel @shethereadinghobbit @justfollowtheroad @laurfilijames @fizzyxcustard @brokennerdalert
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wazzupmrstark · 9 months ago
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the method pt. ii || th x reader
A/N: was i inspired by those pics?? maybe
Summary: taking method acting to the next level
Warnings: swearing, smut [unprotected sex, degradation] (18+) 
additional disclaimer: the events of this fic are purely for fictional enjoyment. having sex in the presence of others without their knowledge/consent is not ok and i do not condone it. 
Word Count: 1.5k
Part I | Masterlist
Tom was just a co-star to you, at least, in theory. It didn’t matter that you were both single, or that every single scene together felt as natural as breathing, or that your heart did a little somersault whenever he said your name. It was strictly professional, no matter how many times you had to remind yourself of that fact. 
But as he pulled your thong to the side and ran a thumb along the inside of your thigh underneath the sheets, it was easy to think otherwise. 
“Are you sure about this?” Tom asked as he lined himself up.
“Yes! Fuck, yes!”
“Love the enthusiasm,” he chuckled.
“It’s my line, dumbass.” 
“Right.”
You gasped and gripped his arms tightly as he began to slide into you. He was bigger than you expected, but to be fair you hadn’t known what to expect. You’d gotten as close to naked as possible in front of each other, but never fully naked. And technically you still hadn’t. Even though you were sharing perhaps the most intimate human experience possible, you had no idea what he looked like underneath the blanket on top of you. 
“I’ve got you,” Tom promised through gritted teeth.
He stilled to allow you to adjust to before going further, hips stuttering involuntarily when your cunt clenched around him. 
“Sorry,” he said.
You felt him tense up above you, clinging on to the last shred of self-control he had. 
“It’s ok,” you whispered back. “You can keep going.” 
You wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled Tom into a kiss as he bottomed out, using it as an excuse to let out a strangled moan into his mouth so that the mics wouldn’t catch too much of it. Tom sighed in relief and buried his head in your shoulder, mumbling profanities about how good you felt on his cock. You felt so god damn full with him buried to the hilt inside of you like that- your mouth watered at the thought of spending an afternoon seated on his lap rehearsing lines together while you cockwarmed him. But you were getting ahead of yourself. This could be a one-time thing for all you knew, and you wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.
After a few seconds more like that you tapped his arm as a signal for him to move. He understood immediately and was more than happy to comply. It didn’t take long for him to build up to the pace you’d kept in the previous takes, but by then you were both sweating with the effort it was taking to maintain composure. 
Each stroke somehow felt deeper than before, like he was slowly splitting you in half. He was angled perfectly on top of you so that the head of his cock brushed against your g-spot every time he rammed into you.
“Don’t stop,” you recited in broken whimpers.  
“You like that, baby?”
“God, yes.”
In between your scripted lines Tom took the opportunity to throw in some of his own. 
“Look at you, fucking yourself on my cock like a slut,” he growled low enough for only you to hear. “Taking it like such a good girl.”
You let your mouth fall open in both shock and pleasure. Tom Holland was a gentleman. He literally had a reputation for being Hollywood’s golden boy. You had never expected to hear such filthy words coming from his mouth, but they sounded angelic. You weren’t sure if you’d last if he called you a slut again. 
All you could do was lay there and hold him close as he fucked you into oblivion. At first you had tried to rock your hips up to meet his, wanting to contribute to the team effort of course, but his stamina far outmatched yours and you couldn’t keep up. Tom didn’t seem to mind doing most of the work, though. In fact, making you feel good was what was getting him off. Seeing you blissed out beneath him, sweat gathering along your brow as you bit your lip and held back moans was obviously doing a lot for his ego. 
“Wish you could say my name,” he muttered, “let all of these people know who’s making you forget your lines right now.”
Fuck, your lines.
“Harder, Scott,” you squeaked, hoping that was the one you were supposed to say. 
He suppressed a knowing smile to feed his line back to you. “Fuck, angel, like this?.”
“Yes, just like that, just like that- shit!” 
It was a good thing that the scene was scripted as a rough sex scene and not a romantic one, because the way Tom was railing you right then was far from romantic. 
He grabbed at one of your breasts, rubbing your nipple over the pasty. “Fuck these,” he sighed in frustration, “wish I could actually see your tits. You have great tits.”
Peak romance. 
The scene was blocked in missionary, but you found yourself wondering what he felt like in different positions. Your walls clenched at the thought of Tom taking you from behind- you didn’t even want to think about what it would feel like to ride him. 
“Can you stop doing that?” he hissed. “We have like five more lines of dialogue to get through before I’m supposed to cum.”
“I can’t help it!”
“Are you close?” 
“What do you think?” you whispered back. 
Instead of responding, Tom’s fingers found their way to your clit and began to rub circles around it with his thumb. You squeezed your thighs tighter around his waist, trying not to tip over the edge just yet, but you were fighting a losing battle. Your body tensed in anticipation and the burning in the pit of your stomach intensified to the point that you couldn’t stand it anymore. 
“I’m gonna cum,” you warned, skipping about three lines ahead. 
Tom’s eyes widened in surprise, thrusts faltering for just a second before he snapped out of it and was back in-character. “Cum for me,” he said loudly for the mics to catch, then, “cum for me, y/n,” only for you to hear. 
You cried out as you let go and came hard, trembling and grasping for something to hold while your orgasm rippled through your body. Tom helped you ride it out and offered you his hand to steady you. You gripped it firmly as the aftershocks washed over you. 
“Tom,” you moaned quietly, a mix of exhaustion and arousal causing your voice to shake. 
“Fuck,” was all he could manage before giving in to his own orgasm. 
You had always thought Tom was pretty, but fuck, nothing compared to how he looked as he lost himself inside of you.
The realization of what the two of you had just done dawned on you as you came down from your high and all of the cameras came back into focus. Everyone in the room... had just watched you fuck your co-star. And it was recorded from multiple angles. And it would soon be immortalized in a film released to the entire world. You would have to deal with the implications of that later.
“Fantastic take, you two!” Jonathan shouted at you and Tom, then turned towards the rest of the crew. “We can wrap for the day after we strike the set. Y/n and Tom meet me in my office for a quick debrief after you get out of wardrobe.”
Tom rolled off the bed and shimmied into the boxers he’d thrown on the floor in previous shots as soon as Jonathan walked away. You watched him disappear behind one of the set pieces and figured he had gone on to the meeting without you until he reappeared a few moments later with something in his hand.
“I’m really sorry,” he said and handed you a damp washcloth to clean yourself off with. “I wasn’t planning to cum inside you. I didn’t expect you to say my actual name-”
“I thought that’s what you wanted,” you reminded him smugly. 
“It is! It was, I just-”
“Don’t sweat it, Holland. I’m on the pill.”
“Well, it’s not just that. I still should’ve asked permission.”
You smiled and rolled onto your side, placing the washcloth on the bedside table. “I appreciate that.”
“How are you feeling though,” he asked, “are you okay?”
“Never better, thanks to you.” You gave him a weak thumbs up. “And sorry for finishing before I was supposed to.”
Tom smirked. “I’ll take it as a compliment.” 
“It only happened because you played dirty!”
“I have no idea what you mean,” he replied with feigned innocence, bringing the thumb that had been on your clit up to his mouth and licking it clean. “And you have no evidence.”
You groaned. “You’re so fucking annoying, you know that?”
“Only because you insist on telling me just how annoying I am every chance you get. But I don’t think you thought I was annoying a couple minutes ago, did you, darling? Or should we rewind the tapes to check and see?”
“I-”
“Come home with me tonight?”
You snapped your head to the side and gave him a look of confusion. 
“You mean...?”
He nodded and leaned in closer to your face so that his lips were almost touching yours. “I want to taste you properly.” You gulped. “And I want to have you all to myself. Without the crowd.”
“Meet me in the parking lot in twenty minutes.”
lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!
forever tags:  @mischiefmanaged49  @bookingbee @cloverrover  @captainbuckyy @perhaps-he-schnapped  @awkwardfangirl2014 @the-queen-procrastinator @tastingthestarz @sleepybesson@everythingbooknerd  @sunshine96love @bitchymathematician @livingincompletesilence @melsbooktrash @tommy-holland  @fizzy828 @spider-slutt @theamuz @nedthegay @astroasethic @stuckonspidey @darlingtholland @sgtbookybarnes @tinyplanet-explorers @nightinthewoods @gen-tlehoe @devin-marie-12 @r-wooooosh @definitely-not-black-cat  @hell-yeah-peter-parker @itssnowingandimstuckinside @relise-thefury @osteporosis @legendsofwholock @starsholland @peterunderoos-blog @fuckyeahomerun @nobelwarriorheroes @delicately-important-trash @thwip-it-real-good @claryfray101 @softholand @tomhollandseverything @cool-ultra-nerd @jillianaholland @dinasaur36 @londonspidey @hanlons-wp @moon-390 @parkerstylesperalta @httpchrisevans @screeching-student-unknown @almondholland @murdermornings @honeymoonlover @tomshufflepuff @aikaterrina @noisyzineeggsbandit @5sos-microwave @quackson-love @smilealways19 @quackeroos @wolvesofthewinter @mukesnugget @itsjusttor @lovewolfspirit @love-sick-blues @quaksonhehe @biebsmylife95 @a-disappointing-teen-author @justanotherusername80 @b-buckys @sunkisseddreamerr-blog @hufflepuffprincess24 @princessxcryxbaby @tinyyoungblood @holyfrickfracks @amii-nyc  @clara-licht
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adoringhaikyuu · 11 months ago
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arguments
summary: what arguments (and the making up) are like with them.
characters: ushijima + tendou
warnings: mentions of smut for tendou’s
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icons by @voleicons​
ushijima:
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he doesn’t mean to get into an argument with you
he’s not always good at expressing how he feels, but he knows deep down that he cares about you more than anything and would never want to be the cause of your pain
let’s just say that you had procrastinated a lot more than you meant to and now you had an overwhelming amount of work left which had you stressed as hell
you’d be so frustrated with yourself, groaning as you worked on your assignments 
you’d be working since the morning and it was now a little after noon
you’d be complaining and you know that you put yourself in this position, but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna enjoy it
you’d let your head fall back and sigh loudly
“this is so stupid, i can’t do this––”
and ushijima ever the realist replies “sure you can, y/n just sit down and do it.”
and you just groan dramatically “but i caaan’t––i have like no time” essentially just throwing it out there even though you know you wasted your precious hours doing everything but your work when you could have over the week
and without meaning to piss you off at all, your boyfriend says “well we both know who’s fault that is, y/n.” 
and you just pause, “...”
he takes your silence as confusion so he decides to explain further, thinking he’s only helping
“if you hadn’t waited so long to start working, you wouldn’t be here struggling right now. and this could even affect your grade too since you have yourself limited time.”
with each word he adds, the more the weight of everything piles on top of you, making your shoulder sink
you can feel your eyes start to water from all the stress, and from his words––deep down you know he doesn’t mean any harm, but the way he’s speaking makes it sound like he’s not supportive of you or sympathetic at all
tears pool up in your eyes and you quickly get up, glaring at your boyfriend as best you can as you try to hold the tears in
“fuck you ushijima. you’re supposed to be my boyfriend, not my dad.”
you storm off to another room with your laptop and he sits there on the couch, blinking in confusion
he sits there in silence for a bit, trying to make sense of everything that just happened 
it’s only when he realizes that he’s had a fight with you and caused you to cry that it really hits him and his chest starts to hurt
ushijima felt bad. really bad. he gave you a few hours before going to find you, deciding it would be best to let you cool off since you probably didn’t want to face him right away and it would give you time to work uninterrupted. 
he got up from the couch when the sun started to set and made his way to the bedroom. he found you there on the bed, your laptop on your lap, a furrow between your brows as you typed away at your laptop. your eyes glanced over to him for a split second but you were quick to look away. you weren’t really mad at him, just a little annoyed, and the stress you were experiencing only added to that feeling.  
when you didn’t say anything, he slowly walked into the room and took a seat near the edge of the bed, in front of where you were sitting with your legs crossed, his hands in his lap. he waited silently until you pushed your laptop to the side, stretching to take a small break.
“i––i’m sorry for hurting you.” he looked up at you and sighed when you averted your eyes, biting your lip nervously. “i didn’t mean to make you upset. i really am sorry.” 
you could feel his eyes piercing you as he waited for you to say something. he was about to get up and leave you alone when you reached for his hand. he paused and sat back down, turning to you as you climbed into his lap. you buried your face in his sweatshirt and he was quick to let his arms go around your waist and hold you in place. 
“it’s okay.” you mumbled into his chest. “i’m sorry too. i didn’t mean what i said––i was just... stressed. and annoyed that you were right.”
he tightened his hold on you. “i didn’t mean what i said either.” 
you let out a light breath of laughter. “yes you did toshi. but it’s okay.”
he paused and looked up for a moment, in thought. “i may have meant what i said, but i did not mean it as an insult. i would never want to hurt you. or make you cry.” 
though he wasn’t showing much emotion, you could tell he was beating himself up about this in his head and pulled away to look at him and he almost didn’t want to let you. you looked into his eyes, a small smile on your face as your hands came up to hold his cheeks and he nuzzled into your touch. “i know toshi. i’m not mad, really. i forgive you.” you pressed a light kiss to his lips. “i love you.”
he softly squeezed your sides, relieved. “and i you.” 
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tendou:
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you and tendou would have a very playful relationship 
meaning you would tease each other a lot
and most of the time it was just harmless banter
“you’re just sad because i’m better than you, y/n. it’s okay i get it. i would be sad too.”
“oh shut up, my ass is fatter than yours so ha.” 
you honestly enjoyed spending time with him and teasing each other
some people thought it was a little weird that you would literally insult ?each other ? 
as you’re walking home from practice after you’ve waited up for tendou, ushijima turns to look at you guys when you start like verbally attacking each other, so confused
“are you guys fighting?” 
and you’d both turn to him, pausing your banter, looking at him like wtf??
and would simultaneously go “no? what makes you say that?”
and ushijima is so confused he just decides to ignore it and keep walking silently
but the banter was honestly how you showed your love for each other in your own weird way
if you bullied each other it meant you cared about each other
but one day you’d be in a pissy mood, stressed from work or whatever 
and you and tendou would be teasing each other, well really he was going in and really going for it
and you’d be giving him shorter responses than usual, trying to give him the hint that you weren’t in the mood 
but he wasn’t getting it
with each “insult” the more annoyed you could feel yourself getting, and you were frustrated that you were feeling this way because you knew this was his love language but you just couldn’t help yourself
as his smile widened you felt yourself get more and more upset
you’d be getting so upset, feeling your throat back up and your eyes get heavy with tears the more he went on
you’d be silent for a bit and he’d tease
“what, no comeback?” 
when you didn’t respond like you normally would he’d lean down to look at you, his wide and playful eyes looking into yours and he’d notice the your glassy eyes and he’d frown immediately
“what’s this? what’s wrong?” 
and you’d try to just walk past him but he’d be having none of that
his hands were quick to grab your waist and spin you back to him but you only sighed and kept your head down, trying to get out of his grasp. “let me go, tendou.” your voice was sharp but clearly pained and honestly shocked him.
“ah ah.” he held you still and bent his head down. “look at me baby girl. what’s wrong? did i go too far?” 
and you just let out a small sob at how sweet he was being. you crashed into his chest and he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight as a few tears soaked his shirt. “i––” you sniffled. “it’s not you really. i just...” you pulled away and his hands came up to wipe your tears, making you smile. “i’m just stressed out and it’s getting to me, and your comments only put me in a bad mood. but it’s not your fault! i should have said something.”
he frowned, pulling you in for another hug. “you have nothing to apologize for, dumbass. i’m sorry for not paying closer attention to my princess.” 
he pulled away and leaned down to kiss you deeply and pulled away with a smirk. “i guess i’m just gonna have to be nicer to you now since you’re so sensitive, baby.”
you rolled your eyes, smacking his arm lightly. “shut up.”
“ooh feisty.” he pushed you down on the bed and hovered over you. “you know what it does to me when you fight back.” his lips grazed yours and you let out a small gasp feeling him grind his hips into you. of course your messed up boyfriend got turned on just after seeing you cry. 
he bit your lip softly. “you know,” he licked his lips, looking at you as if you were his last meal. “i think i know how i can help you relieve that stress baby.”
“oh yeah?” you asked softly only making him smirk.
“mhm.” he nodded, sliding down between your legs. he started to pull off your sweats. “why don’t we see if you’re just as sensitive down here too.”
you rolled your eyes, a smile on your lips. “fuck you tendou.”
his grin was sinister. “oh i plan to.” 
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bi-bi-buckleydiaz · 12 months ago
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deep breath, do your job | owen joyner
requested; yes! - Could you do a Owen x reader where the reader is Owens personal assistant while filming JATP and while they are filming the reader starts catching feelings for Owen but Owen is in a relationship. Owen and his girlfriend breakup and the reader comes over to comfort Owen and Owen confesses that the reason him and his girlfriend broke up was because of the reader.
word count; 6.4K ... yeah kinda got away from me there. longest fic i’ve ever written
warnings; language, implied sexual content but no actual sex or description thereof
a/n; lol, so i just wrote from 1AM - 4AM because i’m procrastinating my child dev. project thats due today that’s worth a quarter of my grade. i really didn’t mean for this to be so long so it’s probably not this good and the ending is a lil’ rough, but oh well. hope whoever requested this likes it. i kinda do even though it’s long and only slightly proofread.
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“Owen Patrick Joyner! Get your ass into hair and makeup before - oh, um, okay oops. Sorry ‘bout that. Should have knocked. I’ll just - yep, i’ll just go.” 
You thought he’d be sleeping. It’s nap time for him anyway, so he should’ve been sleeping. Instead, your technically boss and definite crush, was on his trailer couch with a girl you’ve never seen before. Kissing her. Without a shirt. Yeah, you definitely need to get out of there. 
You’re quick to close his door and begin to walk back to the hair and makeup trailer to tell them Owen will be a minute. 
“Y/N! Hey! Wait up! It’s um, it’s not, well it is, but -” He grabs your arm, causing you to turn around and face him, which, big mistake. Abort. Abort. Turn around. His post make out face is something you did not want to see. Liar.  
“It’s fine Owen. What you do in your free time is not my, well, actually it is since i’m your PA, I just mean who - WHAT, what you do in your personal time, in your trailer, is not my concern. Just, you’re needed in hair and makeup like, an hour ago. So, yeah, just, get there.” You stumble over half your words and watch his face fall as you near the end of your spiel. When he lets go of your arm you’re quick to turn around and leave him alone, walking right past hair and makeup and to set where you can curl up in your chair and eat your weight in brownies, if Madi hasn’t taken them all that is. You hope he goes to get his hair done. You know you should walk with him there because if you’re not practically dragging him to where he needs to go he never gets there on time, as just witnessed. But it’s usually because he’s goofing off with Charlie, not sucking face with a random girl. 
You don’t notice the brownie in your hand has crumbled until a whistle comes from behind you. You turn around a little too quickly, sending the brownie bits flying to the floor. 
“Shit.” You kneel down to begin picking it up, another hand coming into help. Charlie, based on the rings adorning the fingers. 
“Is Owen’s keeper okay?” You huff a laugh at the name the cast gave you a week into filming. You’re the only one who has managed to keep Owen in line since filming started, the only reason he’s ever on time for anything or actually has real food in the apartment or has his drumsticks when needed, etc. etc. 
The boys didn’t want PA’s when Kenny proposed it during bootcamp, they were young adults, they didn't want to boss someone around, it felt wrong. But having more experience than the boys, Kenny vetoed how they felt and told them PA’s would help tremendously, especially on a project like this. That’s where you came in. You were trying to get into the directing and producing scene in Hollywood, you’re dream to be as good a director as Steven Spielberg or, well, Kenny Ortega. But you knew you had to start small, so you applied for a PA job on an upcoming Netflix show, getting hired within the week. Now here you are, a nineteen year old being in charge of another nineteen year old who acts more like he’s five. 
In the beginning, it was purely professional. You were nothing more than his PA who got him from place A to place B in a timely fashion. But then he started to rope you into pranks with the rest of the band. He started inviting you to movie nights, and adventures to the grocery store, and ice skating with Charlie and Madi, and somewhere between helping him keep his life in order and watching him fall on his ass at the ice rink, you fell for the blonde. You know it’s a mistake, falling for him. You work for him. He’s your friend. That’s all he sees you as, but you couldn’t help it. But you’re good at compartmentalizing, so you took all the inappropriate feelings, shoved them in a box, locked the box, and hid it deep in your unconscious. You were doing well with ignoring the box, until you walked in on Owen kissing someone that wasn’t you. 
“I’m fine Charlie, just, stressed. Owen was an hour late to hair and makeup so I kinda feel like a shit PA right now.” Charlie chuckles and hugs you as you both stand up. 
“Please Y/N, you’re the best PA. If it weren’t for you, Owen would never know where anything is, including his head.” You laugh into his shoulder, reveling in the hug for a few more seconds. When you part, you see a flash of blonde enter the set and sigh in relief. He made it. He’s ready. You’re not fired today. 
Just incredibly confused and upset. 
But not fired.
“You better go, I know you’re in this scene with Owen.” Charlie nods and squeezes your shoulder once before running after Owen onto the set that holds Julie’s shed. Taking a deep breath, you try to push whatever the hell you saw ten minutes ago into your box, and get ready for the day ahead. 
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Four hours, six brownies, and two cookies later, Owen is officially wrapped for the day, meaning you can go home and continue to eat your feelings in ice cream. You’re quick to grab your binder full of Owen’s schedules to drop tomorrow’s off at his trailer before he sees you. You’re not really in the mood to talk to him about what happened earlier, so you fast walk to his trailer, fully intent on just leaving the paper on his counter where he’ll see it, but a brown haired, green eyed girl throws that plan right out the window. 
You’re so stupid. You should’ve known she would still be here. Waiting. 
“Oh, um, hi.” She says. She sounds nice. She looks nice. But when you look at her all you can see is her hands in Owen’s hair and his lips on hers. 
“Hi.” You don’t know how, but you managed to put on a smile and put a little pep into your voice. “I’m Ashley. I’m waiting for Owen. Is he done?” You nod, not trusting your voice as you stand awkwardly in the doorway, one foot on the step the other in the trailer, hand outstretched ready to place the schedule on the table. 
“He just wrapped for the day. Should be here in a few.” The girl - Ashley - nods. 
“You’re Y/N, right? His personal assistant?” How does she know that. She giggles, “He talks about you all the time. Says the only reason he’s not fired or dead in a ditch is because of you.” OH, you said that aloud. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoo-
“Y/N! What are ya doing just standing in the doorway?” Fuck. You put a smile on and turn around. He’s smiling softly at you, still in Alex’s clothes, twirling those damn drumsticks around his fingers. 
“Um, just dropping tomorrow’s schedule off. Here. Okay...bye.” You walk down the steps, letting the door shut behind you, fully intent on leaving, but Owen grabs your arm again, just like earlier, causing you to stop and turn to look at him. 
“Wait. Can we talk real quick. About...earlier?” No. No absolutely not. 
“Um, I really have to go. I have a lot to do tonight for tomorrow.” Owen sighs and lets go of your arm, face contorting into that of a sad puppy. 
“Just, one minute Y/N. Please. Let me explain.” Screw him and his perfect freaking face. 
“A minute.” His face lights up and grabs your hand, leading you back into his trailer, smiling even wider at seeing Ashley sitting pretty on the couch. 
“Y/N, this is Ashley, my girlfriend.” Ashley smiles and waves, standing up to stand by Owen and grab his hand. A rock settles in your chest at the word. 
Girlfriend. 
Girlfriend. 
Girlfriend. 
“Nice. I’m Y/N. But you knew that. Just like you also know I’m in charge of getting him to places on time. Which didn't happen today.” Owen’s face flushes at that while Ashley terribly hides a smirk behind her hand. 
“Uh, yeah, sorry about that Y/N. She surprised me today. We weren’t supposed to see each other until Thanksgiving but she finished classes early and flew out to surprise me. Kinda got, caught up in -” His face is beat red so you’re quick to cut him off. 
“It’s fine. Just, try not to get ‘caught up’ tomorrow, yeah?” It’s harsh and full of hostility, but you want to leave, the word still bouncing around in your head, swirling around the scene you walked into earlier. 
Girlfriend. 
Kissing. 
Girlfriend. 
Flushed face. 
Girlfriend. 
Kissing. 
“I have to go. See you tomorrow on set at 5 Am. Got it? Five A M. Don’t make me break into your apartment again. I almost got arrested for that.” Owen is still reeling from your harsh words said a second ago to laugh at the memory. Ashley however, has no qualms about speaking up. 
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s here on time.” She smiles and wraps around his arm like a koala. You hold back a scoff, throwing up a fake smile before turning and leaving. 
Girlfriend. 
Girlfriend. 
Girlfriend. 
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It’s almost midnight.
It’s 11:48 PM and someone is knocking on your door. 
Who the fuck is pounding on your door at near midnight. 
You shuffle to the door wrapped up in your comforter, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. You don’t bother looking through the peephole, too angry at the person behind the door to bother, just wanting to yell at them and get back to bed. 
“What the - Charlie?” He looks exhausted, hair ruffled and eyes puffy. He’s in joggers, a random band tee and his denim jacket. You’re pretty sure his shoes are on the wrong feet. 
“Can I stay the night?” He doesn’t wait for your response before walking into your apartment, flinging his shoes and jacket off and walking to your room. You sigh, ignoring the way he just threw his stuff around and instead follow him to your room before he takes your side of the bed. You walk in just as he chucks his shirt off and woah. You were so not expecting that. An explanation as to why he’s here at midnight? Yeah. Him taking your side of the bed? Definitely. But not Charlie taking his shirt off and crawling onto the right side of the bed and curling around a pillow. You take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts before crawling into bed next to him, making sure to drape the comforter over him as well. He hums in content and turns around to face you. 
“Sorry for barging in like this. Just, ugh, Owen and that girl are not quiet if you catch my drift.” And it’s like the rock in your heart is now a boulder and it’s crushing your ribcage. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You’re frozen, staring at Charlie’s half asleep face. “Like I get it, you’ve missed each other. But c’mon bro I’m there too.” He keeps talking. Keeps pushing the boulder until all the ribs crack and puncture your lungs. “There’s somethings in this world I never wanted to hear, and Owen moaning was one of them.” He won’t shut up. Charlie shut up. You’re entire chest is fracturing, breaking at his words and he needs to shut. up.
“I didn’t really know where else to go, but I remembered how comfy your bed was last movie night so, here I am.” His voice is raspy, words slurring as he’s trying to fight sleep to explain to you why he’s here. But you can’t focus on him right now. Can’t think about a shirtless Charlie in your bed. There’s only one thing you can think about right now. 
Girlfriend. 
Shirtless. 
Girlfriend. 
Kissing. 
Girlfriend. 
“Thanks for letting me crash by the way. I’ll try not to kick you in my sleep.” He chuckles, then finally opens his eyes when you don’t laugh back. You don’t know how you look right now. You know you’re frozen. But is the panic and pure sadness showing on your face? It must be, because suddenly Charlie is wide awake and leaning up on his elbow to look at you fully. “Y/N are you okay?” He’s worried. You want to tell him you’re okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. But you can’t move. You can’t talk. Because reality is crushing you. It’s ripping up your heart, suffocating you, consuming your mind. 
Owen isn’t yours. 
Owen will never be yours. 
You’re just a friend. 
You’re just his PA. 
That’s when the tears finally start. They come slowly, one trailing down your cheek, then another. Then all at once your sobbing into Charlie’s chest, no doubt getting snot all over him. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just starts to hum some random song while he repeatedly runs his hand over your hair, the other holding you close to him. He keeps humming, his chest vibrating and giving you something to focus on that isn’t your depressing thoughts. It’s almost soothing, the petting and the hug and the humming. 
You don’t know how long you sob into him, but when you stop, his humming stops too. He still holds you close, just lets go of your head so you can lean back a little and look up at him. He’s brows furrow in concern and he pouts at your post-crying face. 
“Are you okay? Am I really that bad of company?” He tries for funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh with him. Just pout and push his semi-wet chest. “Seriously Y/N, i’ve never seen you like this. What’s wrong?” Those two words. 
What’s wrong?
What’s wrong? I fell for my boss and now he’s doing it with some girl and I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s killing me because before I could live with being his friend and PA because at least there was some sliver of a chance but now there’s nothing because he has someone and I have no one and I can’t breathe because oh my god I love him. I love that stupid fool and i’m nothing but his personal assistant. 
It’s quiet for a minute, too quiet, and that’s when you realize you said all that out loud. You look up at Charlie, which was a mistake because his face is full of pity. It’s all sad puppy eyes and “Shit Y/N i’m so sorry.” A fresh wave of tears make their way out of your eyes, but Charlie is quick to wipe them away. 
“Y/N I didn’t know I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have said all of that, God I was so stupid.” And then it’s like a whole new flood gate opens, this one full of laughter though. You start with a chuckle, but soon it’s full out belly laughing. Because Charlie isn’t the stupid one here. “I’m the stupid one. I mean, how idiotic does a PA have to be to fall for the one they’re in charge of? Never mix work with pleasure. It’s PA-ing 101, don’t fall for your boss. I’m so fucking stupid to ever fall for him or think he’d like me back because i’m just his stupid PA who has no talent what so ever, never has a good hair day, can’t go a day without eating their weight in sugar, and will never see him again after filming is wrapped.” Your laughing dies down by the end, and then ends completely when you see the look on Charlie’s face. It’s not exactly pity, but it’s not exactly sadness either. It’s hard to describe what exactly it is, but it’s not good. 
“Y/N. Babes. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, okay? I swear to God next time I hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, I’m hitting you with a pillow.” You giggle, but he stays serious. “Dead ass Y/N. Listen, was it probably not the smartest to fall for Owen? Yeah. But you didn’t know he had someone. I didn’t even know he had a girl and I’m his roommate. But, we can’t help who we like. It’s all brain chemistry and heart palpitations and whatever else. It’s something we can’t control. So don’t say you’re stupid because of something you can’t control.” 
“You’re being really smart and caring for twelve am.” You both chuckle, a real smile gracing your face for once in the past twelve hours. 
“I’m sorry for the breakdown it’s just, there’s a lot in my head right now and what you said really didn’t help.” Charlie sighs and pulls you in close. 
“I’m sorry babes. You should’ve slapped me or something.” 
“I probably would’ve had the breakdown at some point tonight anyway.” Charlie pulls back a bit to look at you, confusion on his face. “I kinda walked in on them making out earlier when Owen was late to hair and makeup.” 
“Is that why you crushed that brownie earlier?” You sigh and nod. 
“Y/N, i’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” 
“It’s fine Charlie. It’s, well, it’s not but, I’ll get over it. I’m a big girl. Besides, I have you to get my tears and snot all over right?” He groans while you giggle, but he isn’t really mad if the way he pulls you close and rests his face in your hair is any indication. 
“Always babes.” 
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The next day you drive to set with Charlie who didn’t have to be on set at five like Owen, but joined you nonetheless. Taking his duty as your new ‘heartguard’ as he called it last night, you walk to hair and makeup with his arm around your shoulders. It’s comforting, even though he’s putting most of his weight on you because he’s exhausted, the coffee you gave him this morning clearly doing nothing to wake up. 
“Charlie, you could’ve stayed in bed until you were actually needed.” You laugh as he trips up the steps to the trailer, nearly face planting if it weren’t for you wrapping your arms around his waist last minute. 
“Char you good?” You hear BooBoo ask. Charlie grumbles something incoherent and shoves his face into your neck as you lean against the arm of the couch. BooBoo laughs, so do you, but quickly sober up when Owen walks in, Ashley on his arm. Charlie must have ESP or something because, without looking up at who walked in, he wraps his arms around your waist and murmurs in your ear, “Deep breaths. I’m here.” You do as he says, shooting Owen a friendly smile, but dropping it as he frowns at you. 
What is that about? 
“Glad to see you on time Owen. I wouldn’t have been able to break in this morning anyway because an octopus decided to break into my own apartment last night.” You ruffle Charlie’s hair as you say that and he grumbles some more, playfully biting your neck as well. “Ow. Asshole.” Owen frowns even deeper at that, while BooBoo chuckles. He get’s scolded a second later for moving. 
“So that’s where you disappeared to last night. I was wondering why you weren’t home this morning.” Owen’s voice is tight while he says it, Ashley noticing as well if the tightened grip on his arm is anything to go by. Charlie squeezes your waist as a way to say, ‘prepare yourself’ before he moves his head to lean against your shoulder so he can talk. 
“Yeah well, I wouldn’t have had to if you and your girl weren’t so freaking loud.” You tense up, mind starting to reel again, but a squeeze to your waist and a warm breath on your neck manages to bring you back. The trailer goes quiet, even the hair and makeup ladies tensing up and sensing the tension. Charlie, ever the wrong place, wrong time type of guy, grabs your hand and places it on his hair, then moves it back and forth. 
“Pet me.” Despite the tension in the room, you can’t help but giggle at the stupid Canadian boy wrapped around you. Apparently that’s all the rest of the people in the trailer needed to go back to what they were doing. That or they just didn’t want to get involved in young adult drama. You shoot a look at Owen, his jaw tense and hands clenched into fists. Completely ignoring the way Ashley leans up to kiss Owen’s neck, you open your phone and begin to read off his schedule for the day, your left hand still running through Charlie’s hair. 
“Hair and makeup at five AM, sit your butt down and let Shelly do her thing, costume fitting right after. First scene at six-thirty with BooBoo, you guys are doing the scene at the Orpheum where you talk about what’s been going on, you’re going to be sad so this whole frowny face you got going on? Keep it. A break after that then rehearsal with Charlie, Jer, and Mads for Stand Tall. Fitting for the Stand Tall suit is after that, but no actual filming for that scene yet, just getting the measures right so after that, you’re done for the day.” You take a deep breath after all that, BooBoo whistling at you from his seat. 
“You could be an auctioneer with how fast you talk.” You smile and bow your head at him.
“I’ll take that as a compliment Boo.” He shoots you a smile and then raises his hand to high five Owen as he sits next to him. Owen ignores him. In fact, he stays silent throughout all of getting his hair and makeup done. Only smiling occasionally when Ashley shows him a meme on her phone. You watch them, the boulder in your chest rolling around as you do so. But not for jealousy, no, for concern. Owen is acting very unlike himself. You may be upset right now, especially with him, but it doesn’t mean you still don’t see him as a friend; still don’t worry about him. Something is wrong, and you can’t help but feel like it’s your fault. 
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“So did it work?” You jump in surprise at the voice behind you, the cookie in your hand crumbling and falling onto the table. 
“Charlie! What did I say about sneaking up on me?” You turn to look at the boy who is smiling too wide at you for you to think this is about to be a completely innocent conversation. 
“Did it work?” He’s practically vibrating where he stands.
“Did what work?” 
“The cuddling this morning? Didn’t you see Owen? He was totally jealous.” And - what? That’s why he was so touchy this morning? 
“I just thought you were tired, that was - you were trying to make Owen jealous? Charlie what the hell? He has a girlfriend!” Charlie rolls his eyes and loops his arm around yours, dragging you away from the cookies and towards the costume room. 
“Yeah, but we both know she shouldn’t be. And the way he was acting this morning? I think he’s starting to realize that too.” There’s no way...right? No, the way Charlie described last night...no. 
“No, okay, he was probably just tired and angry about having to be here so early.” Yeah, that’s it. He was not jealous of the friendly cuddling you and Charlie were doing. Totally...not. Holy shit. You hear Charlie giggling in your ear as you enter costume. 
There, in front of you, is a very shirtless, very toned, very pretty Owen Joyner.
“You’re welcome.” Then Charlie is off to God knows where. Leaving you alone with Owen. Well, not really alone since Soyon is here too, running around looking for different fabrics and textures to throw on Owen. A still very shirtless Owen. 
“Oh, hi Y/N. What are you doing here?” Owen asks, looking at you though the floor length mirror in front of him. He’s not smiling at you, but he’s not frowning either, so improvement from this morning. 
“Oh, um, just making sure you got here on time. And look at that. You did! Good job.” You clap, who knows why, but it makes Owen laugh, which, whew, okay. 
“Yeah, I reminded him.” A voice behind you says. You turn and look at Ashley walking in, coffee cup in hand. She bounces up to Owen, ignoring Soyon and placing a big, wet kiss onto his lips before moving to the couch off to the side. Owen seems shocked by the PDA, which makes sense, you know he’s not big on that, remembering one late night conversation you both had a few weeks ago. 
“Anyway, Y/N, how does this one looks. I think the ruffles are nice. And then when he’s performing Stand Tall we can,” and then she begins to unbutton the shirt all the way down to mid chest and okay, seriously Soyon, now you just want to torture me. 
“I like this.” Owen says, twirling in the mirror like a ballerina. This causes the shirt to fling open more, showing his chest more in the process.
Deep breaths. 
Be a friend. 
You’re a big girl. 
“Yeah. It’s good,” you say, walking over to him to tuck to the sides back together somewhat. “Are you going to keep with the pink theme for the jacket?” Soyon smiles and nods, walking away for a minute leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley. 
“Should it really be unbuttoned that much? I mean, it is a kids show? I don’t want to share my boy with fangirls.” Ashley says. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling or the scoff that leaves your mouth. You watch Owen’s Adam's apple bob as he gulps. 
“Please, Charlie is sleeveless for a majority of the show. Owen showing a little chest isn’t gonna hurt anyone. Besides, Soyon chose good. The way the shirt fits and settles it’s never going to open all the way. Unless, ya know, he twirls like some Carolynn Rowland wannabe.” You smile up at Owen and inhale sharply when you see he’s already looking down at you. “And with the jacket on it’ll stay put pretty well.” You’re still holding the shirt in your hands, looking at Owen’s face as you talk. For a second, it’s just you and him, looking at each other, smiling. Then Soyon comes back and clears her throat. The trance breaks and you back up. You wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans before backing up and standing next to the mirror. You feel eyes on you and look over to see Ashely glaring at you. 
“Here we go. One pink jacket to match.” Owen slides it on and smiles wide. You have to say, it looks good. Professionally speaking of course. 
“Soyon, have I ever said how freaking amazing you are. I mean, this is really good looking. Very Alex.” Owen praises. He’s smiling and it’s a nice sight after this mornings debacle. 
“Alex is going to be the best looking one on that stage.” Owen looks over at you, his smile still there, and the boulder shrinks three sizes. 
“Still think the shirt should be buttoned.” Ashley mutters. But everyone ignores her, even Owen, who does another twirl in front of the mirror. 
“Well then, you’re all set Owen. Go ahead and change and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soyon leaves, going off to do costume designer things, leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley again. Owen takes the jacket off, then looks around not knowing what to do with it. You sigh and smile softly, taking it from him.
“Here, just give me all the clothes and i’ll take them back to your rack.” He smiles thankfully at you, before frowning again and looking down at his outfit. Getting what he’s thinking, you chuckle and cross your arms. “Bub I just saw you shirtless it’s not a big deal. Now c’mon, give me the clothes before Soyon thinks you’re stealing them.” Owen looks up at you in a way you’ve never seen him look at you before. It makes you take a sharp breath in.
“Maybe you should go. I can give the clothes to Soyon. Don’t you have assistant duties to do?” Ashley is right next to you as she says it. It makes your ears hurt and hands clench. You’re quick to unclench though, not wanting to wrinkle the nice pink jacket. Ashley moves forward to unbutton Owen’s shirt all the way, but he grabs her hand before she can begin. 
“Actually I need Y/N to stay. I have to talk to her about some, ya know, assistant stuff. And besides, she knows where Alex’s rack is and that’s where the clothes have to go. Why don’t you go wait for me in the trailer, I’ll be there in a few.” 
I need Y/N to stay. 
That shouldn’t make you feel as warm and tingly as it does. 
Ashley scoffs and looks away, clearly trying to guilt trip him. Owen sighs and kisses her cheek.  
“Trailer. Ten minutes.” Ashley sighs before nodding and finally leaving. He watches her go, then turns back to you when she finally disappears. You clear your throat and he looks back at you, face a bit red. 
“Um, hey.” You chuckle. 
“Hi.” He nods, and you sigh, walking so you’re right in front of him. “Seriously, O, you need to get this off because if they’re not on the rack for Soyon to fix up by the end of the day it’s my head on a stick, not yours.” Then you’re unbuttoning his shirt. 
You’re unbuttoning. His shirt. You don’t realize you’re doing it until you hand grazes his navel when you untuck it from his pants. You hear him suck in a breath and you immediately take two steps back. 
“Sorry, um. Sorry that was not, um, -” 
“It’s okay. You were just, doing your job. Making sure I get stuff done on time, right?” But his voice is wobbly as he says it and his face is as red as a tomato. You couldn’t have made him that flushed, not you? 
“Right. Yeah. Um, so, pants?” Owen looks at you with wide eyes. “I need to take the pants back too.” It’s quiet, but you know he heard you because he nods his head and begins to unbutton them. You suddenly feel very hot, very suffocated. You should’ve left when you had the chance, just let Ashley do this. You shouldn’t be here, watching as he pulls the velvet pants down his legs. Watching as he steps out of them and - oh God he’s falling. You grab his hand to help him but it’s too late, you both tumble to the ground. You’re on top of him, smushed up against his bare chest, faces centimeters apart, sharing breaths. 
“Sorry.” You mumble. You watch him gulp and look down. Down at wha - oh. 
“It’s, it’s okay. I’m the one that fell and pulled you down.” You nod, causing your nose to brush against his. You’re close, so freaking close that if you were to move not even a full centimeter, your lips would touch.
So. 
Close. 
“What. The. Hell!” SHit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 
You’re quick to scramble away from Owen, butt scooting across the floor to get as far away from him as possible. Owen jumps up, kicking the pants away then realizing that was probably not a smart idea because now he’s half naked in between Ashley and you.  
“Ash I -” 
“You were taking forever, wanted to know why. Thought you said there was nothing between you two?” She’s practically screeching. You know within minutes there will be a crowd. A crowd Owen will not want, his anxiety will not want. Ignoring his stuttering and the conversation in general, you push away the heat in your belly and the tingling in your spine and take a deep breath. 
Deep breath. 
Be a friend. Do your job.
You grab Owen’s clothes and put them in his hands, ignoring his speaking and Ashley ranting, you grab his hand and then hers, and shove them towards the back exit. 
“This is a trailer conversation, not a wardrobe fitting conversation. Leave, now.” 
“No, I have a lot to say -” 
“Listen to me, I’m trying to do my job and not get Owen in trouble. If you really care about him, you’ll take this conversation to his trailer. Now.” Then you shove them out the door before Ashley could screech some more. 
Deep breath. 
Do your job. 
You go back to the fitting area, only to see Charlie, Jer, and Madi standing there, looking confused. 
Deep breath.
Do your job.
“Hey guys. Owen just left. He and Ashley are having a date night.” Charlie gives you a look, but Jer and Madi nod, going to accept it, but Charlie has to open his big dumb Canadian mouth. 
“Why’d we hear screaming then?” Charlie questions. Jer and Madi look at each other, then back at you. 
“Oh, uh, mouse. I saw a mouse. Yep. Mouse. Anyway, I have to get this clothes hung up before they wrinkle, so excuse me.” 
Deep breath. 
Do your job.
You walk around the trio, gathering the suit and shaking everything out as you walk over to the Alex rack to hang them up. You hear the door to the room open and two sets of feet walking out. 
“Charlie, everything is fine okay? Just a little misunderstanding.” 
“Like?” You sigh and turn around from finishing hanging up the clothes. 
“Like...Owen kinda fell and when I went to help him I feel too...on top of him.” There’s silence then, 
“OH MY GOD! Y/N THAT’S LIKE FANFIC SHIT THAT WAS THE MOMENT! DID YOU KISS OH MY GOD TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He’s jumping up and down as he makes his way to you. 
“Ashley walked in.” All excitement stops.
“Oh shit.” You nod, walking past him to settle on the couch, pulling a pillow to your chest. 
“Yeah. And she started screeching and I knew Owen wouldn’t like to attention so I shoved them out the back door to his trailer.” Charlie’s arm goes around you, pulling you close. He goes to say something, but your phone ringing indicating a text from Owen stops him. You pull it out, opening it as Charlie watches over your shoulder. 
My trailer plz. 
Charlie starts shaking your shoulders, smiling like a maniac. “This is your chance Y/N go go GO!” you shake your head at Charlie’s antics, but leave nonetheless. 
Anxiety creeps up on you as you get closer and closer to his trailers, not knowing what you’re going to walk into. Him firing you? Saying you can’t be friends anymore? Ashley ready to claw your face off? 
Deep breath.
Be a friend.
You knock on his door. It opens a second later to a frantic looking Owen. Now you're anxious about him. Why does he look upset? Is he okay? He grabs your hand and pulls you into his, oh, empty trailer. Ashley is nowhere to be seen. 
“Hey, thanks for coming.” You nod, still looking around expecting her to jump out and slap you. “Um, sit. Sit, I have to talk to you about something.” You go to sit on the couch, but then remember what occurred there yesterday and instead lean against the counter. He notices but doesn’t say anything. 
“Yeah okay. What’s up?” You try to act nonchalant, but the anxiety is too high for that. ‘I have to talk to you about something’ never ends well. He walks over and sits on the bed pats the spot next to him. God, this can’t be a good conversation if he really wants you to sit. 
“Ashley and I were never...on here.” He mumbles. You walk over and sit next to him, blushing that he caught on to why you didn’t sit on the couch. 
“Must be serious if you need me to sit.” Owen takes a deep breath, another, another, and then there’s lips on your. They’re soft and nice and taste like carmex chapstick. 
“Mhm, Owen, what, what are you doing?” Your faces are still close together, both of you not wanting to back away yet. 
“I’m gonna talk. Okay I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen and not crawl inside your head too soon okay?” You nod, knowing in this moment you’d do anything to keep him this close. 
“I knew Ashley from high school. She started texting me a few weeks back and one thing led to another and she was calling me her boyfriend. I didn’t want it but it happened and I let it because it got my mind off a girl I shouldn’t like because it would ruin so many things. I didn’t know she was coming to visit and when she knocked on my trailer she jumped me and just kept going. And I just went along with everything yesterday because I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and I’m supposed to think about those things with her and I’m supposed to want those things with her, but I don’t Y/N. I don’t want those things with her I never did. I, I want them with you. I’ve wanted them with you from the moment you finally stopped being shy around me and dragged me from crafts by my ear to hair and makeup. You’re so amazing Y/N and I thought if I did anything I’d ruin this and ruin your career and I didn’t want that. I never wanted that so I went along with Ashley but I shouldn’t have because the whole time I was thinking about you. It’s always been -” You kiss him. You grab him by the cheeks and kiss him. It’s a passionate kiss, an ‘about time’ kiss, an ‘i’m never letting you go’ kiss. 
You only break away when you can’t breathe, and even then you only pull away enough to breath in each other’s air. 
“She left. She’s gone. She knew I was never 100% in.” You nod, but you’re not really listening. You can’t hear anything other than your heartbeat. 
He likes you. 
Owen likes you.
Owen kissed you. 
“It’s always been you, Y/N.” You smile. It’s a big one that you have to hamper down by biting your lip. Owen smiles back, then you’re kissing again. 
And again. 
And again.
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I've seen you had requests open, can uh can I have a Dom Gyro x virgin fem reader (preferably shy who hasn't even had their first kiss ) smut. Johnny and Diego could be like overprotective brothers Tbh any kinks are good besides piss kinks I just want Gyro to be really mean and rough with me<3
WHEW, girl, I can't tell you how happy I am to have gotten this request 😩 I love this man (and can safely say I can relate to that username)
To start off, sorry this took so long to publish! I hope you can forgive me 🙏 honestly I could blame work, or life, but that'd be a lie, I just went through some major procrastination.
In other news, I got really into this one, and I'm happy with how this came out! This is my first time writing saucier stuff and I'm honestly surprised with how smooth it went writing it. Although, this itself is a complete work, I think it's still too short with not enough action :/ not to mention I don't think we got to see enough Dom Gyro or big bro Johnny! So, after finishing requests, I'll be posting a longer (and better) version on this fic on my AO3 account! The link will be in the title, so be on the look out! Without further ado, here's almost 3,200 words of porn
Out to the Barn and into the Hay(loft)
Contents warning; Reader is a SIMP (but can you really blame her), Gyro being a pervert, Google translated Italian, pet names, bad dirty talk, oral, no full penetration this time around sorry :(, porn written by a virgin (but really, what's new?)
"Bellisimo, Love. Keep going." That accented voice always spoke to you on your lonely nights, but tonight it sounded stronger.
"You feel amazing, baby." Louder.
"Keep going. I'm almost there." Almost as if the target of your infatuation was there with you, speaking low, sultry words into your drowsy mind.
"Almost there. Almost–!" Like Gyro was there, making you feel oh, so good.
"Ngh– Y/n~!"
But before you could reach that sweet ending with your love, you're startled awake.
That's right. With sinking realization you remember you weren't in a large fluffy bed in some big city with your Italian lover. Or a normal bed. Or even in a relationship.
You're sleeping in a hayloft.
On rickety old wood.
With cobwebs sticking to your wet skin.
Laying thirty feet away from your brother, and his best friend, the target of your erotic dream.
Ugh, how could you?! You were disgusted with yourself, having such a lewd dream with other people in the room (and your brother and crush of all the people to be with!)
You just wanted to go back to bed. Not to finish the dream but to just get the night over with. You were embarrassed and tired, and it was far too hot up in the hayloft to be staying awake. But of course, your body had to go against you. It wasn't just the humid summer night heat you felt. That dream had you feeling all types of ways. In between your legs, a whole different heat was making itself known.
Ugh, seriously??
You didn't want to fix it... You couldn't! What if you got too loud? And you could never get the hang of touching yourself, your arm got tired too quick and you were always left feeling hot and unsatisfied. You wished you had some sort of–
Oh, god. Was that the sound of someone using the hayloft's ladder?
Yes, it was!
Johnny was a heavy sleeper, you'd always known your brother to be prone to sleeping through everything, and even if he wasn't, climbing up to the hayloft would be more trouble than it was worth. It was just you three.. so that'd only leave you with... Your worst nightmare.
And sure enough, Gyro made himself known with a gentle knock at the hayloft's flooring. His bottle green gaze found you quick after peering over the wood to find your eye. Once he was sure you were awake, he lifted himself the rest of the way up, so he was officially sitting next to you on the raised part of the barn.
"Hey."
"Hey..."
"You okay? I heard you whimpering from the lower floor."
He heard you from all the way down there?!
Wait,
YOU WERE MAKING NOISES, TOO?!
Oh, kill me now!
"Y-Yeah! I'm fine, just a spooky dream! You know?" You let out a choked laugh, but it came out forced. Gyro didn't seem to notice, but laughed too. He had a nice laugh, you noted. "Ah, that's good. You sure you're okay? You look like you just dunk yourself in the pond out back!"
"Well, it's pretty hot up here. I regret not sleeping down there with you and big bro."
Gyro hummed in acknowledgment. His green eyes scanned over the empty corners of the hayloft and the floor like he was searching for something. But he just ended up agreeing with you.
All was silent. Except for some far away crickets singing late into the summer night. If you had to guess it had to be about two something.
By the time Gyro set his eye off you you were already watching him. Maybe it was a bad idea to be staring so intently but you couldn't help it. He looked amazing right now. He'd ditched the jacket, gloves and hat in exchange for just wearing an undershirt with his jeans. And no hat. The barn was riddles with holes (some from age, others from shoot outs if you had to guess) and it let moonlight trickle in, beaming down at Gyro and making his hair and skin shine like he was unearthly. And those arms... They were positively drool worthy.
"S-So, Gyro, I hope I didn't wake you up." You had to get your mind off this man. Months of friendship and you still acted like a shy school girl around him all because of some degenerate dreams.
"Oh, nah. I was having trouble sleeping before you started tossing around up here." The Italian yawned. With some shifting he got into a more comfortable position, with a knee tucked to his chin to prop his head up while he looked at you. At this angle the light seeping in from besides you both had his eyes glowing dark green. He had a smile on his face that bordered on a smirk and it made your stomach flop. Whether it was from nerves or arousal was debatable.
"Y/n~, all this time we've been friends, and I think this is the first time I've been able to talk to you without Johnny present. I forget, how long ago has it really been since we met each other?" He asked without looking away.
"A year and a half! Two next spring, JoJo introduced us on his twentieth birthday."
"That's right! How could I forget?" That's what he said, but you had a feeling that was a lie. You knew you could never forget your first meeting with the Italian. It was a shock to see your big brother stroll into the house with the boisterous man at his heel chanting something about mozzarella. Dad obviously didn't approve of the blond. But you were happy to see your brother with a friend, after so long of being reclusive and antisocial. After some introductions you could say you and Gyro hit it off almost as good as he and Johnny did. After cake and him showing off one of his original gags, it was then you decided you were smitten for the older man and had been since. You loved his personality, his good looks, and the way he could help Johnny out of his depressive episodes on a dime was something admirable.
But the way he could switch from jokester to more serious was the most interesting. It wasn't common to see, but now you could feel Gyro's eyes harden on you as he switched from his cheerful attitude to something more sinister. Wait, when did Gyro get so close to you? "Y/n, come to think of it, all this time we've spent together, and I don't think I've seen you with a man outside of your family. Why is that?"
What kind of question was that? You weren't sure what would be a worse response; admitting to your crush that you were twenty and still had yet to have your first kiss, or lie and say you've been in plenty of relationships behind your father's (and brother's) back. Was this some trick question? Where he'd laugh at you for being a virgin or degrade you for being in secret relationships...? No, Gyro wasn't that kind of guy. But it still confused you.
"W-Well, the reason is.. I've uh, I've never really been into the thought of dating anyone. Really! I mean, I'm busy helping dad out, s-so it's never really crossed my mind." That was all a lie. A lie straight through your teeth. You had thought of being in a relationship (a relationship with him) You'd loose sleep some nights thinking about what it'd be like to call Gyro yours. But you couldn't say all that. You couldn't let him know you skipped out on being with other men because you wanted Gyro to be your first... Everything. That was a can of worms you'd never let see the light if day.
"Nyohoho~, really? That's so cute! Wait, so does that mean you've never done anything romantic with anyone?"
You whined, too embarrassed to say.
Gyro left his original position to get closer to your face. He was grinning, showing off his golden teeth. "So you've... Never kissed a guy before?"
"N-No..."
"And if you've never kissed someone, that could mean you've never been... Intimate either, right?" Having him so close to your face left it hard to speak. Your breathing was heavy as you stared into those emerald eyes.
"Would you like to change that?"
"H...Huh?"
Gyro's smirk grew bigger, "Dolcezza, I've seen the way you look at me. And it's safe to say, I look at you the same way." His hand trailed up to your face, keeping it in a vice grip as he made you stare into his eyes. "Thinking about having someone so small and cute like you underneath me gets me going. And if those noises you were makin' earlier tell me anything, it's that you want that as much as me."
Oh no.
Oh no. No no no no.
Shit!
Oh, lord, what kind of noises were you making in your sleep?
"They were real cute, too. Hearing you moan my name like some high class whore is a real turn on. I'm surprised you didn't wake up your brother. Surprised, but happy, now that I can finally do this," With a push, your back was flat on the hayloft floor with Gyro on top of you. He swung his legs over yours to cage you between his thighs, with an arm near your face holding him up and the other hand still on your shoulder. "I don't want to do anything you're not ready for. So if you tell me no right now, I'll leave. But I'd really like to show you just how much I burn for you."
"...You," You swallowed harshly, trying to wet your throat before you spoke. "You– You would really wanna do that with me..? I don't– I-I'm not sure what to do."
"Hush, Cara. Let me take care of you first."
The hand on your shoulder found its way into your hair, he lifted your head up to slam your lips against his in a kiss that literally took your breath away. It wasn't at all what you expected your first kiss to be like. Where you thought soft lips would meet yours in a slow, languid dance, Gyro bit and sucked on your lips until you had to open them and give him access to your tongue. He licked at every inch of your mouth, letting trails of saliva run down the corners of your lips. If you thought the heat between your thighs was hot before this started, you'd begin to melt now. Having this man above you do to your body what he pleased was sending you spiraling into heaven.
Gyro's sturdy body crowded over your own while his hand left the ground to search your body. He started at your hip, massaging the soft flesh he found there in his callous hand, and left for your waist, and finally to sneak up your shirt, touching you in places that made you weak and clench your thighs against his legs. The pressure of his crotch on your own left you whimpering. You felt something hard rubbing the v of your legs while he pressed himself on you harsher.
When he finally moved away from you, there was a loud "smack!" when your lips disconnected. He left you panting and shivering, and only stared down at your wrecked body with a sinister grin.
"Nyoho~ you look so cute like this! It's takin' everything in me to not rip your pants off and fuck you dumb." Your voiced had left you long ago, you could only whine at the mortifying words he used. He simply tapped at your lips with his thumb to silence you, "But, I'll try to be gentle with ya. Let's take these off already, yeah?"
Deft hands made there way to the button of your pants. He made quick work of it and it's zipper, and was even quicker pulling them down your legs to leave you in your panties.
Leaning back on his thighs now, after he threw your jeans out of the way, Gyro froze in place. His golden teeth closed around his bottom lip while he stared down at your most intimate parts. "Oh, cazzo, Bambina. You're wetter than I thought you'd be." Fingers wrapped around the elastic of your panties and they followed your jeans to the floor. The air was still hot in the barn, but as air came into contact with your naked core you couldn't help but shiver at the cooling liquids sliding down your thighs.
"All this 'cause of a dream? Damn, you must be starving for my touch." A single finger played with you folds, driving up your slit to collect some of the slick seeping from you. The feeling of his finger alone was enough to send a shiver down your spine. You were excited to learn what more would do to you. "You want me to touch you? You want me to use you, and make you feel good?"
Oh, god yes.
The hand he used to touch you went up to his mouth. His tongue peeked out from his plump lips to lick the spunk off the dirtied finger.
You suddenly wanted to kiss him again. The sight of him licking off your essence from his finger was as arousing as it was disturbing. It couldn't have tasted good. And yet, you wanted so much to kiss him and taste yourself on those lips of his.
"Nope! No kisses. You'll get what you want once you tell me."
Oh, must he toy with you like this? You wanted him! Wasn't that obvious?
"Well? Do you want my fingers?" He lifted his hand to show, "My tongue?" The pink muscle slithered out from between his lips again. "Or do you want me to fuck you raw? I'm happy with any."
God, was he always this big of a deviant? Gyro had never acted this way before today. He was goofy, and kind, and did most anything to crack a smile on your face. Now he just acted... well, so perverse! It was... kind of attractive.
What did he mean by "his tongue"? The fingers, you understood. But what did he mean by using his tongue? Would he kiss you more?
"You...Your mouth. P-Please?" You asked softly.
"Oh, perfecto! Non vedo l'ora do assaggiarti di più di te."
It was times like these when you wish you understood his extravagant Italian.
You went to lean in for another kiss, but Gyro just pushed you back down. He bent you at an awkward angle, with your back completely against the floorboards along with your ass in the air and your legs resting on his shoulders. Finally it clicked in your head. He wasn't– He wasn't going to "kiss" you down there was he?! But Gyro quickly answered that question. As horrifying as it was to see him dip his head below to lick at the folds of your entrance, he lapped at you like a starving dog. Pleasure flooded your head with each flick of his tongue over your hole and how it skunk back out to play with your clit in his mouth. His thumbs all the while rubbing soothing circles into the soft flesh of your inner thighs.
His tongue dipped back into you. You could've called his name out over the sounds of him dining on you like you were the most delicious morsel, if it wasn't the large hand that trapped your mouth before you could even do so. "Ah, ah~, as much as I wanna here your cute screams, I'm afraid we have an audience. And I don't wanna share."
Oh god. You forgot Johnny was here! He was only meters away, he could wake up at any time and hear this. Just by the look on his face, you knew Gyro understood exactly what you were thinking. "I see you understand what I'm saying. Good~," He pulled your thighs closer yet again, and pressed his face into your heat once more so you could feel his breath on your sensitive folds. "Now, wrap these beautiful thighs around my head while I drive you over the edge!"
He attacked you a final time with lazy licks, thumbs kept your entrance open as he fucked you slow with his tongue. The repetitive motions kept you swimming, having nothing to do except keep a death grip on the blond's hair. It didn't take long for a well known pressure to press on your core. It was a warmth that started as the heat of a hand on your stomach, and grew into an inferno that was going to engulf you whole. It was strange. You'd never actually achieved an orgasm before. You never expected it to feel so weighted. Like the pressure of the world decided to lay on top of your chest, slowly crushing you. Words escaped you, you could only grab at Gyro's hair tighter, legs pressing together to keep him at his magic. You were all but humping his mouth at this point, keeping him soffocated between your thighs. (Not that he really minded. Seeing a (not so) virgin loose her mind on his tongue was insanely hot)
God, so close. So close– yes, yesyesyesyes–!
"G-Gyrooo~!"
And all at once, the world's weight lifted off of you to drowned you in euphoric pleasure. Your scream came out choked and silent, and you lay there mouth opened like a dying fish.
Gyro lapped up happily at the fluids escaping your lower half. The added feeling of him helping you ride out your first orgasm had your legs twitching and your eyes rolling back into your skull. He had to press his hands into your legs to keep them from lifting off the ground too much while he cleaned you off.
It was still too hot. The summer heat came back to slap you in the face once you dropped from your high. You were sticky, and gross, and you could've cried when you remembered there was no water to clean yourself off with... If it weren't for Gyro quickly gathering you into his arms and hoisting you on to his lap. You squirmed in his hot hold but he only held you closer to his built chest, rubbing your overstimulated clit on the growing bulge in his jeans. The size and the fabric of his jeans on your bare skin had you a moaning mess in his arms immediately.
"You tasted so good, Dolcezza," He sang into your ear still pushing up into you. "But now it's time for the main course."
<- To be continued <-
Up next is hand man!
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dreamy-taro-beam · a year ago
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Obey me! with a Lazy! Mc
Lucifer
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Even after being suddenly summoned to a different world, even Lucifer was a bit surprised at your ability to remain composed as he explains your purpose in the Devildom, he’s glad that things are already running smoothly
“Sorry, what were you saying? I was thinking about what I should have for dinner. Also, where am I?”
“…”
Of course it wouldn’t be this easy…
In all honesty, he was already used to this type of behaviour, especially from the twins, but even this attitude was extremely questionable for a human
He constantly has to clear his throat or snap his fingers to get his attention, as he continues his explanation while Satan and Amos snicker from behind him
“Do I have to do the essay?” “Yes, but—“ “Can I just give an oral presentation or something?” “What”
The oldest somehow becomes increasingly concerned about you as time goes on as he observes your behaviour, such as sleeping just about everywhere(sometimes you even just lie on the ground for no reason), your horrible diet that consists of instant ramen and cupcakes, and your tendency to go along with Mammon’s schemes or just about anything his brothers tell you to do
Constantly reminds you to do your homework, clean your room and makes sure you don’t pass out in random places
The others try to tease him for acting like such a mother before they are silenced with a glare
While initially annoyed, he becomes fond of your childish and sloth like habits
“There you are. You should know better than to sleep out in the streets of all places. Honestly, what am I going to do with you…?” He mumbles the last part with a rare, kind smile on his face as you look up at him with half-lidded eyes, “Come on, I’ll carry you back. I trust that this will stay between us.”
Mammon
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Oh my god, he has to be the responsible one that is capable of making good choices now
Everyone was extremely doubtful of your chances at surviving when Mammon was selected as your guide
But surprisingly, he quickly steps up once he notices your nonchalant and ditsy disposition, taking charge after realizing how easy you are to mess with. He even feels too bad to try to take your money
“Hey, (Name)! Give me the cash you have on you!” “Oh, okay...” “H-hey! Don’t just give people your wallets like that! Your student ID is in there too! Whatever, take it back, like the great Mammon would need a mere human’s assets! A-also, don’t just hand over your things just because someone asks!”
The guy basically leads you around as you follow him like a lost puppy while trying to educate you on how to act and what to avoid in a backhanded manner
The boy loses you constantly, so he’s always running around to see where you zoned out or passed out at, so eventually he allows you the honour of holding the great Mammon’s hand
Because of your uncaring attitude and dazed out look, others seem to treat you similar to a pet, so you get a lot of physical attention, but (un?)luckily, Mammon doubles down on pushing people away from you while scolding you
“Get your hands off! And, (Name), stop acting like a puppy that follows around the next person that gives them attention! I’m serious!”
Mammon actually takes a lot of pride in being able to take care of you so much, so he wants you to be the only one he relies on, even if the others try to tease him, he only takes it in stride since it means that you and him are really close
The guy wants to be the only one that you can lean on and to do more for. The second oldest actually keeps a list of all the things he helps you with to whip out when challenged
“Hey! Why was Beel giving you a piggy back!?” Mammon shouts, interrupting your nap. “If you’re so tired, then I’ll be one to carry you! It’s either walking or me, got it!? Come on, I’ll even bring you to your room, so be grateful!”
Leviathan
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The shut-in power...is over nine thousand! Levi immediately knew that you were a worthy rival as soon as he glanced at you as Mammon stands at the side utterly confused!
“Y-you! What is your record?” “What are you talking about, Levi—“ “I once stayed in my room for 74 hours to binge 12 series and max out the intimacy for my main for two different games.” “*GASP*”
The guy immediately kidnaps ushers you to his room. ignoring Mammon’s protests, to test you. While you didn’t know much about Devildom exclusives, your knowledge about human world series was nothing to laugh at since you’re a horrible procrastinator that would rather binge then work!
He almost abandons his tsundere attitude as he soon declares you to be the new member of his legion and demands to enrich you with more knowledge from his own expertise
The guy greatly appreciates being able to rant to you even though you usually end up daydreaming, simply humming in response, or in the rare occasion having a debate or mutual gushing of a certain character
“The lord of shadows and Henry’s bond knows no bounds! That is the highlight of TSL-!” “I kind of ship it.” “Huh-!?” “Hmm, does that mean we would be shipped too since we’re kind of like their counterparts?...At least, I think so.” “HUH!????” (Instant death)
Tries to convince Lucifer to let you do online courses with him so you guys can binge more series together or go on raids
That, of course, fails, so he usually plans out the amount of sick days you can take and when to do it
The two of you are usually in your own world that no one else understands and Levi really likes that fact
If you guys don’t have school, Levi will make you basically move into his room for a while as you two either watch live streams or a new anime, so the other brothers are stuck bringing meals and making sure you two aren’t dead
“That ending was totally trash, right!? What a waste of time! Well, I guess watching it with you made it kind of enjoyable...Huh!? I-I didn’t say anything...! Don’t look at me like that...!” Levi burns bright red as he avoids your questioning gaze.
Satan
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He was extremely pleased to see that you caught Lucifer off guard and he even uses your unpredictable laziness as ammunition against the eldest brother
“My, even the great Lucifer is unable to grasp the attention of a mere human...I wonder how the student body would react?” “Satan, are we done? You promised to give me pie if I...-!” “Ahaha”
He was initially concerned at how well you would do in class work as he always saw you sleeping during class and a home constantly, so he took it upon himself to make sure you didn’t nod off and try to offer you some help
He was shocked when it turned out that you got a solid 80% on your quizzes and exams, and even more so when it turned out you crammed all the material the night before. His respect for you actually went up
He becomes increasing interested in you, and proceeds to drag you along as an assistant of sorts, taking you under his wing, as he collects and reads through books as he tries to get you to engage in something productive with the promise of compensation
Sooner or later, he finds himself viewing you as endearing, having tendencies similar to a kitten, making him even more lenient with you
“Did...did they just meow in their sleep...? Heh, well, I suppose I’ll leave them be for now.”
The two of you are not morning people, if no one wakes you up, you won’t be up till 4
It isn’t uncommon to see the two of you passed out on Satan’s favourite armchair
If someone tries to wake you up, Satan will rage while you remain asleep, unaware to probably Mammon’s screams
“Finally up? I must say it’s rare for me to wake up before someone else,” Satan smiles, as he pokes your cheek to make sure you don’t go back to sleep, “Come on, I’ll help you with your homework before class starts, but you owe me one, okay?”
Asmodeus
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“Sorry, can you be a dear and carry my bags?” “Ooh, try this on! This top is really cute!” “Let’s go there next!” “…Okay.”
You basically become his go to person when he wants to go on a shopping spree, having you either carry his bags or being ushered to the changing room. I mean you don’t complain or whine, so you must love it
He always makes sure to hold hands with you, so you don’t get left behind or try to escape
You two are big cuddlers; anywhere, anytime, much to the dismay of the other brothers
You’re basically a walking teddy bear to him, until Mammon interrupts
“Aww, let me pinch those little cheeks~! Let’s cuddle for a little longer—" “What do you think you’re doin’, Asmo!?”
He makes you try new face masks and other products, so you usually end up passed out in his room
He coddles you more than others, even sharing his cupcakes with you
He constantly disappears with you, never telling the other brothers when you two leave as he drags you to explore the whole Devildom even though you’re usually asleep, you still make great company in his opinion
His favourite moments are when you two simply do self care routines as mentioned before, chatting about nothing in particular, even if you’re more of a listener
“Alright, keep it on for another 20 minutes~! Hey now, no touching~” Asmo grabs your hand before you could sleepily rub your face with a sly smile on his face, “I wonder how I can hold down my dearest (Name)! Just kidding~”
Beelzebub
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Beel immediately became concerned for you after expressing his concerns about accidentally eating you during your first meeting when you were you just summoned
“Oh, I guess that’s okay.” “Huh?” “I mean, I don’t really care and that essay also sounds pretty bothersome, so meh...” “!!!”
He slowly takes it upon himself to watch over you, whether it’s reminding you to eat or carrying you to class when you decide it’s time for a power nap
His initial attachment to you was because you reminded him of Belphie, but you two certainly had your differences he thinks as you proceed to make ramen in the coffee pot with Mammon
Don’t worry he always grabs you and runs when trouble arises
He enjoys being in your presence since the both of you can appreciate a comfortable moment of silence unlike others, and he finds himself taking the initiative to start conversations more
“(Name),” “Hm?” “Do you have dreams when you sleep?” “Yeah, like, last night...I dreamt of a giant everything pizza...” “Woah”
He also finds it comforting to have someone simply dozing off as he snacks away in his room, especially since Belphie is away
He likes to think about how you and Belphie would get along if you two were to meet, even if you’re a human
When Belphie returns, it isn’t uncommon for Beel to carry the two of you on each shoulder in a protective manner
“(Name), you can sleep for a little longer, okay?” Beel gazes down at you with a small but stunningly warm smile, “Because I’ll carry you anywhere and anytime.”
Belphegor
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Lololol, you two did not get along at all, like more than expected!
People would have thought that like people would flock together, but it the exact opposite. Belphie felt that you were being used as a replacement of sort, and he did not like that
Your first meeting went horribly, as well! In fact, the meeting itself was delayed due to your laziness! The guy almost snapped when you finally met him
“Hey, man, can you keep it down with your crying?” “Hah? Crying? And what do you mean keep it down?” “Listen, I need at least 17 hours of sleep and you’re kind of keeping me up. I even went through a lot of effort to get here. Anyway, bye, I need to get out of here before Lucifer finds out.” “Wait—!”
Eventually, after spending time with Beel, you decide to help the attic boy out, while complaining, of course, as every visit you made equals to bickering
After everything is revealed, you two even become close, and similar to Beel, you two are able to appreciate just napping together. You two become very close
The other brothers have probably tripped on you two at one point or another
“Belphie, wake up.” “Huh?” “Why’re we on the floor?” “You passed out after overeating, so I decided to lay down too so it looked like we were chilling.” “Bro...”
Belphie eventually finds himself appreciating the fact there’s someone so similar to him since he feels a little less alone, even if he won’t admit it
You’re one of the only people he shares his pillow with
“(Name)...Geez, you almost sleep more than me,” Belphie mumbles as you snuggle his pillow unconsciously while gripping his hand, “I wonder what you dream of...I’ll join you in a second.”
(Hey, new blog here!)
(Date of Publication: February 13th, 2020)
(Requests are closed!)
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vintagejaemin · a year ago
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entanglement ; c.s
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⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: entanglement; a complicated or compromising relationship or situation.
❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: husband!san x f!reader
❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: parent au, infidelity au
❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 22.1k
⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: infidelity, cursing, pregnancy, oral (f + m reciecing), hard dom!san, big cock!san i’m sorry, dirty talk, praise, degradation (he calls you a slut oop), revenge cheating (reader is mad™), daddy kink this wouldn’t be a vintagejaemin production if my daddy kink didn’t appear once, sub!reader, very rough kitchen sex, fingering, orgasm control, bruising, penetration, cunnilingus, slight spaking, squirting san got that amazing tongue technology, creampie, standing doggy style san got impatient lol, unprotected sex, brief breast play, possessive (?) sex, light hair pulling, crying during sex reader gets the best dicking down of her life, light ass play, soft dom!yeosang, big dick!yeosang tehehe, vanillaish sex, pussy worship (yeosang is in loooove), slight body worship, face ficking, office sex, fist fight, mentions of divorce, brief mentions of abuse, brief mentions of rape, (not the reader).
⏤  𝑎/𝑛: after months of procrastinating and longing to finish this monster of a fic, i finally did it!! yay!! thank you to my best friend for beta reading this and staying up until 1am to encourage me to write. please leave some feedback and let me know what you think! thank  you all so much <33
this is also based off of the kdrama, “world of the married”!
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You wonder how he does it. You wonder how he’s able to look you in your eyes and tell you he loves you. How he’s still able to peacefully fall asleep beside you knowing what he’s done. How is he able to ravage your body and yet leave you to find solace between another woman’s legs?
You chose to turn a blind eye to the obvious signs of your husband's adultery in hopes ignorance was indeed bliss but it became too much too fast. You couldn’t will yourself to act ignorant anymore, it hurt too much to know that the man you have loved for over two decades and share a son with has fallen out of love with you.
It stings to finally admit the truth, your heart feels as if it's shattered and your mind feels battered and bruised. You can’t find it in you to cry though, you’ve done enough of that. You need to be strong, not only for yourself but for your son as well.
You and San were best friends before you were lovers. You met in elementary school and quickly became attached at the hip, you grew up loving him and silently pinned after him for years. You never expected him to return the feelings however, he was madly in love with Kang Areum, his best friend's twin sister. You envied everything about her. Not only was she extremely beautiful and top of the class, she had San’s love.
Although San was head over heels in love with Areum, she did not return the attraction. She was tremendously in love with her senior Kim Hongjoong. After being rejected by his first love, you helped San pick up the pieces of his broken heart and mended it. You reshaped it and gave him all the love he craved. It was a long and tedious process but you never wavered. You made sure to stand by his side regardless of how much it hurt you to hear him go on and on about Areum.
It took San four years to fall out of love with her and a year for him to fall in love with you. You got together your freshman year in college and you couldn’t have been happier. You were on track to becoming a family physician like you had always wanted and you finally had your first and only love.
You married relatively young, you were two fresh adults who got caught up in the moment. At nineteen you became pregnant with your son Seongjae and while he wasn’t planned you love him dearly. You liked to tell yourself that he’s the product of your love with San. At twenty-one you got married to San. There were no faults in your relationship, you were all happy and content with the lives you lived⏤ at least you thought you were.
At first you wondered how he could do this, how could he so willingly tear his own family apart? But now you wonder why. Why was he willing to betray you in the worst way possible? Why were you never enough for him? Why did he make you look like a fool and an incompetent wife?
While you wonder why, you also wonder when. When did your husband stop loving you?
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July 1st 2020
You thought nothing of it when San started to come home late. His birthday was within the following week and he promised to not step foot inside his office so he could spend quality time with you and Seongjae so you figured he was putting in overtime to make that happen.
Even when it became more frequent, you still didn’t question him. You refused to doubt your husband because you trusted and loved him, there was no way he would cheat. That just isn’t who San is.
“____! Wait for me!” You stop walking and turn to face Jisoo, your best friend and head of the OB/GYN department at the hospital you both work at. You shove your hands into the pocket of your white coat and smile at her as she comes to a stop beside you. “Are you heading out for lunch?”
You shake your head, “no. I told Kuanlin I would cover some of his patients for him so he could leave early.”
Jisoo scowls, “give the patients to the interns and eat with me, you work too much!”
You playfully roll your eyes and continue walking down the halls of the medium sized hospital. “It’s only three patients, I’ll make sure to eat before heading home.” You turn right at the end of the hallway and enter your office with Jisoo hot on your tail.
She shuts the door behind her and takes a seat on your exam table while you take a seat at your desk and remove your stethoscope from around your neck. “Do you need something else, Jisoo?” You ask as you log into your computer to pull up your patients charts.
“Yes, lunch!” She whines.
“Then go eat.” You say, not paying much attention. She groans at your answer and throws herself back on the exam table. You lightly smile at her antics but you don’t budge. As you’re scrolling through your next patient's chart, your phone buzzes on your desk pulling your attention away from the computer. You pick up your phone to see it’s a text from San. A large smile overtakes your features as you quickly open it.
“Judging by how wide you’re smiling, that must be San.” Jisoo tisks, “oh what I would give to have a sexy husband who actually cares about my wellbeing.”
sanie: i’m working late tonight
sanie: don’t wait up for me.
Your smile falls at the message, this is the third time this week he’s stayed late at the office. Jisoo, noticing your lack of enthusiasm sits up and looks at you questioningly. “Is something wrong?”
You bite down on your bottom lip and turn off your phone. “He’s staying late at the office again.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
You sigh and rub at your forehead, “he’s been coming home really late recently and I just…” your voice trails off and your mind begins to work in overdrive.
“You just…” Jisoo says, waiting for you to continue.
“Something doesn’t feel right.” You finish.
Jisoo frowns, “no way...you don’t think he’s cheating do you?”
You push your chair back and spin to face her. “I don’t want to make any accusations but Jisoo he’s never stayed late at the office consecutively like this.”
“Don’t do that, ____. Don’t go down that road, San would never and you know that. He’s simply working.” Jisoo scolds.
You sag in your seat and nod. She’s right, San would never. He made a vow to you, he promised to love and cherish you til death do you part. He would never.
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July 3rd 2020
Tonight, San came home smelling of another woman’s perfume. You excused it, thinking he probably worked with his female clientele and their scent stuck to his suit.
It’s the end of the week and you’re presently doing the laundry, checking the pockets of each clothing item to make sure nothing gets caught in the machine. You pick up San’s suit jacket but pause when a strong scent wafts through your nose. You frown and bring the fabric closer to your nose and sniff the obvious scent of a lady’s perfume.
You feel your throat constrict as you realize it’s the same scent from yesterday. You shake your head and throw the jacket into the washer, he has female clients, it’s normal, you try to rationalize.
You go through more clothes, mostly Seongjae’s dirty shorts and shirts but you soon come across another one of San’s undershirts. You smell the same scent on this one too which makes your heart rate pick up.
Maybe he just had another meeting with the same woman? It’s possible, San has been talking about a potential investor recently, maybe it’s her.
You’re turning the undershirt inside out when you notice a bright red lipstick stain on the collar. She must have given him a hug and stained his shirt, you justify.
You toss the shirt into the washer and reach down to grab San’s trousers. You finger the material and shove your hands into the pockets to make sure there is nothing left in them. What you find, however, leaves you breathless.
His wedding ring.
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July 7th 2020
“San is cheating on me.”
Jisoo chokes on her japchae noodles and begins coughing frantically. Your eyes widen in shock, you reach over the table and pat her back until she’s able to freely breathe again.
She picks up a napkin and wipes at her lips. “I thought we talked about this, ____.” She sighs.
You pull your hand back and shake your head, “I know but Jisoo if you were me you’d understand. I know my husband and I just know he’s being unfaithful!”
“What makes you think he’s cheating? Did you catch him?” She asks.
You shake your head, “no but⏤”
She quickly cuts you off. “⏤then he’s not cheating.”
You try your best to swallow your growing anger so as to not take it out on Jisoo. “He isn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore.” You will yourself to not cry as you go on to list the signs of San’s infinitely, “he doesn’t kiss or touch me like before, his clothes smell like another woman, he’s coming home late too. What else am I supposed to think, Jisoo?”
“His ring might be dirty, maybe he took it off so he could get it cleaned and just forgot about it. He works with females too, ____ that’s why their perfume is on him.” She pauses to place a hand over yours, “as for him coming home late, he told you he’s working overtime so he can be home for the party you’re throwing him. You’re misunderstanding his actions, that’s why his touch and kisses feel different.”
You shake your head, ready to argue but your phone buzzes interrupting you.
sanie: i can’t make it to seongjae’s soccer game tonight
sanie: i have a meeting with that investor i told you about. take lots of pictures for me and wish seongjae good luck for me!
“See!” You hand Jisoo your phone and allow her to read the message.
She frowns, “what am I missing?”
You take your phone back and frantically explain, “he’s never missed a single one of Seongjae’s games! He knows how much they mean to him!”
Jisoo sighs and rubs at her forehead. “So you mean you’ve never missed one off Seongjae’s games?”
You falter, “of course I have, I’m a doctor, I’m always on call.”
“Exactly, and San owns his own business. It’s normal to miss a game or two. When you missed Seongjae’s first game of the season, was it by choice?” She asks.
You slowly shake your head, “of course not.”
“Then who’s to say San wouldn’t rather be at his son's soccer game rather than at dinner with an investor talking about stocks?”
Your face slowly heats up as you stare at Jisoo in shame. Your throat constricts and your mind slowly clogs up. Remorse hits you like a sledgehammer, maybe Jisoo’s right. Maybe you’re overthinking and overcomplicating but there’s only one way to be sure.
You need to ask him.
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July 8th 2020
“Mommy!” Seongjae exclaims as he sprints towards your car with his arms outstretched. You bend down and open your arms wide to let him jump into your embrace; you swoop him up and envelope him in a hug.
“My sweet boy, how was soccer?” You ask as you pepper his face in kisses. He squeals at the feeling and tries to wiggle out of your arms.
“It was really fun! I got to play goalie today!” He says enthusiastically.
You beam at him, “I’m sure you were an amazing goalie!” You tickle his stomach causing him to burst into a fit of giggles.
“Mommy stop that tickles!”
You tickle him a bit more before stopping and placing him back down on the ground, “alright come on, time to go home.”
He nods and obediently grasps onto your hand and patiently waits for you to open the backseat and place him in his car seat.
You open the door and haul him up to place him in his car seat. You make sure he’s secure and place one last kiss on his cheek before closing the door.
“____?”
You turn at the mention of your name and you’re met with Park Mina, San’s secretary. You offer her a polite smile and small bow of your head. “Mina, what a lovely surprise! I didn’t know your son was on the team.”
She looks away bashfully and gingerly pats her son's head. “His father usually picks him up but with the divorce and all I’m in charge of picking him up now.”
You internally chastise yourself for forgetting about such a large detail. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so insensitive⏤”
She quickly cuts you off, “oh no! No need to apologize, if anything I’m very thankful to you and Mr. Choi!”
Your smile slightly falls at the sudden mention of San. What does he have to do with anything? Is Mina his possible mistress? Sensing your growing confusion Mina explains.
“I’m very appreciative of the gift basket you made for me when you found out about my divorce, Hanbin really enjoyed your braised beef,” she says while pinching her son's cheek who squeaks at the feeling and tucks himself into her skirt.
You smile at the little boy who shyly returns a smile. “I’ll make sure to save some for him the next time I make some.” Mina softly giggles and thanks you. “But you mentioned my husband..?” You trail off hoping she gets where you’re going.
She hums, “Mr. Choi didn’t tell you? Because I raise Hanbin alone I couldn’t keep my afternoon shift which meant I would have to find a new job but Mr. Choi promoted me to his personal assistant so I could finish earlier and pick up Hanbin. He also gave me a significant pay raise, I’m very thankful to him!”
You look away from Mina in guilt. Of course San only offered her a better job opportunity, that’s just the kind of person he is, he helps those in need and yet here you are assuming he’s fucking his assistant.
“Since work ends at five, I’m able to pick up Hanbin on time.” Mina continues.
Your head snaps back in her direction, your heart rate picking up. Did she say five? “At five?”
She nods. “He always leaves work right at five pm.”
For the past year San has been coming home around seven sometimes eight pm, never earlier. Have you been reading the signs correctly this whole time? Is he really cheating on you?
Feeling an impending panic attack you quickly bid Mina goodbye and round your car to get into the driver's seat. You adjust the rear view mirror to find Seongjae sound asleep in his booster. You take a moment to steady your breath and will away the tears.
Now is no time to be crying, you need to get your son home safely and make him dinner. You’re a mother before anything else. You’ll have to deal with San’s possible infidelity another time.
You secure your seat belt and spark the engine before reversing out of the parking lot and onto the road. You make sure to take the long way home in hopes that by the time you arrive so does San.
But to your disappointment San’s sleek all black Maserati Levante is nowhere to be seen in your driveway at 5:46pm.
You sigh and park your car in the driveway leaving space for San’s car before exiting and waking up and removing Seongjae from his car seat. He clings to you and buries his face in the crook of your neck, too tired to function.
You lock the car and walk up the steps of your luxurious home and unlock it before entering. Once inside, you lock the front door and head upstairs to give Seongjae a bath and a change of clothes.
“M’ tired mommy.” Seongjae whines as you begin to strip him.
“I know baby but you need to shower and eat, you can sleep later okay?” You try and reason.
He pouts but doesn’t disobey. He lets you undress him and patiently waits for the bath to fill up. Once it’s halfway full and soapy you plop him in and add a few of his favorite toys so he’s distracted while you wash him down.
Seongjae’s bath doesn’t last long, you’re in and out in under fifteen minutes. You carry him to his room and allow him to pick out his pajamas and get dressed. While he does that, you return to your own bedroom and change into a pair of leggings and one of San’s old hoodies.
You check on Seongjae one last time and find him sitting behind his desk coloring a blank sheet of paper. You ruffle his hair and place a kiss of his forehead, “i’ll be downstairs making dinner okay? Call me if you need me bubba.”
He hums and leans in to place a kiss on your cheek before you exit his room. You gently shut his door and make your way into the kitchen to get started on tonight’s dinner which consists of kimchi fried rich and a serving of crispy pork belly plus side dishes such as japchae, pickled radish, stir fried cucumbers, mandu dumplings and another serving of kimchi.
Cooking goes by relatively quickly, just as you’re taking the pork belly out, San arrives home. You look at the clock hung above the sink to see it’s 7:36pm.
“Hi baby,” he comes around the kitchen island and cages you between his body and said island. “How was work? Did you miss me?” He places featherlight kisses on your neck and gently grabs your waist but you shove him away with your hips and continue on with plating the pork belly. Picking up on your annoyance he backs away and stares at your side profile for a while not saying anything.
You move away from the kitchen island and take the plate of pork belly with you to the living room. You place it down and look over the table one last time before calling for Seongjae, “Jae, diners ready! Come eat!”
You hear a faint, “yes mommy,” before his little feet patter against the polished wood and he comes storming down the stairs into the living room. You help him into his seat before going back to the kitchen to remove your apron and to grab the pitcher of water.
“Did I do something wrong?” San asks, grabbing your wrist not allowing you to leave the kitchen again. With nothing but a straight face at his question, you straighten your skirt and place the pitcher back on the counter.
“I don’t know, did you?” You ask, your eyebrow arching up.
He frowns at you and makes a move to properly hold your hand but you yank it away not giving him the chance and cross them over your chest.
“Why are you acting like this?” he asks, crossing his arms as well. A clear sign of his growing annoyance and anger. You want to continue to give him the benefit of the doubt but all the evidence stacked against him is too much for you to ignore. You’ve been neglecting the signs for too long and continuing to ignore them would be foolish.
“Are you cheating on me?”
The words fly out of your mouth before you can stop and think through the damage this will cause if he confirms your worst nightmare. Do you stay and continue to play the doting wife or do you leave and take Seongjae with you? Seongjae,what will you tell him when he asks why his father isn’t around anymore? Do you villainize him or sugarcoat things for the seven year old? Or do you just stay so he can have a complete family?
San looks at you as if you’ve lost your mind, “why would you ask me something like that?”
You close your eyes and shake your head in frustration, “don’t do that. Don’t make it seem like I’m crazy, I’ve known you for two decades San, I know when you’re hiding something!”
He sets a harsh glare your way seemingly offended you think he would ever even think of cheating on you. “Exactly ____! You’ve known me for two decades, do you think I’m capable of doing that to you and to Seongjae?”
At the mention of your son you worriedly turn to look back at him to make sure he doesn’t pick up on this argument, the last thing you want is for him to be worried about the state of your relationship with his father. To your relief you find he’s still working on that drawing he started after his bath. You turn back to San and return his glare, “lower your voice! The last thing we need is for Seongjae to find us fighting.”
San huffs in annoyance but makes the effort to lower his voice and to sound less angry. He tries again to hold you and this time you don’t deny him, he gently grabs your hand and grips it tightly. “You’re my only true love, ____. I would never dream of cheating on you. Let’s not argue okay?”
You want to let it go, afterall you got the answer you were wishing for but you can feel in your heart that something has shifted. He claims to still be yours, and he promised you that day in front of the altar that he would love and cherish you. He said for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, until death do you part and all you can do now is trust in him. Trust that he isn’t lying.
You weakly nod your head and let him envelope you in a hug. He places a kiss atop your head before letting you go to sit at the table with Seongjae. You turn to watch the two interact, Seongjae immediately brightens up once San comes into view, the two then spring into a conversation about soccer.
You take a deep breath and walk over to join them. You hope that this family dinner can help you relax and forget all your silly worries but as you finish eating you’re still on edge. You pick up the plates and take them to the sink to wash them but San slides up behind you after putting Seongjae to bed and peppers your neck with kisses. He cages you between his body and sink and presses his hips into your back. Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his fully hard cock pressing against your back.
“Do you think I could ever get this hard for another woman? Hmm? Do you know what you do to me, ____?” He moans into your ear. Your body heats up at his lewd words and you tense when he pushes his hand up your shirt and under your bra to grope you.
“Daddy,” you whimper, “please.”
“Please what, baby? Tell Daddy what you want,”  He says, his voice thick with arousal.
You whine and drop the dish you were washing to turn in his hold, “I need you,” you whimper.
He chuckles at your impatiens and removes your top, revealing your red lace bra, his favorite. He slides his hand back under and groans in appreciation, “you’re such a tease doll.”
“Just for you Daddy,” you cheekily whisper, breathless at the way he rolls your nipple between his fingers. While you enjoy his touch, your mind is still muddled with images of him fucking other women the way he does you.
“I know baby, I love you.”
Your heart stutters at his admission but you do your best to smile and return his affection, “I love you too.”
He smiles and slides his other hand up your body to cup both your breast, drawing wanton moans from you. You arch into his touch and gasp when he slides his thigh between your legs. You wiggle your hips down and hope for any kind of friction but he quickly removes his leg when he realizes you’re trying to get some relief.
“Such a naughty little slut, look at you trying to fuck my leg.” San sneers. Your stomach flips at his words and desire pools in the pit of your stomach. In an instant his mouth finds purchase on yours, your hands shoot out and you fist them into the collar of his crisp white button down shirt⏤ desperately pulling him closer.
San’s hands fall from your breast to your hips and tightly grips onto your pelvis; his fingertips digging into your flesh as he pulls you flush against his body. You gasp at the feeling which prompts San to use the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, your lips parting further in response. When you feel his tongue flick against yours, your hands uncurl from his shirt and move up to his neck to tug at the hairs on his nape.
The two of you lose track of time, too caught up in ravenging each other's mouths, your tongues slide against each other, too consumed by the other. You feel nothing but San, soon the rest of the world fades into nothing. There’s a soft ache in your lungs but you can’t find it in you to care. The only thing on your mind is San and how you’ve missed being this intimate with him, how much you’ve missed your husband.
Much to your disappointment, he pulls away causing you to chase his lips with a whine. “Do you know what you do to me ____? I get hard just thinking of you.” San gutturally asks, his voce two octaves too deep and raspy.
You stand on your tiptoes and lean into his ear, “then take me, Daddy.” You lean back when you feel San tense above you, you watch pleased as his pupils dilate.
“Here?” He growls, his warm breath fans over your overly heated skin. At the same time he moves one of his hands down from your hips to cup the flesh of your ass and squeezes it harshly. “Where our son can walk in on us at any moment?” You clench at the feeling of him fondling your ass.
“Yes.”
He moans, “you’re such a minx. I’m going to make sure you never question my faithfulness to you,” he growls⏤ the sound shooting straight to your aching core. The change in his demeanour slightly frightens you, long gone is the sweet husband and attentive father from dinner and in his place, is a man possessed with lust.
He drops to his knees and spreads your legs wide, “I’ve barely touched you but I bet you’re dripping.” He taunts. He makes quick work of unzipping your skirt and pushes it down your legs to sneak his hand into your underwear, his cold fingers brush against your heat, causing you to jolt and elicits a moan from your lips.
“Fuck. You’re dripping, baby.” He rubs your clit slowly, making you squirm in the process. “Your underwear needs to go.” He pulls down your underwear, leaving you in just your bra.
“God you’re so beautiful.” He says before placing a kiss on the inside of your thighs. “I’m so lucky to have a wife like you.”
San then slips his finger into your core, running his finger along your slit and then circle your clit. He pinches it slightly, which makes you jolt again. “San…” he then gathers your wetness with his fingers and pushes his pointer and middle finger into you. The sensation of his fingers inside you is enough to make you cry and moan his name.
“You’re so tight princess” He thrusts his fingers in and out of you and uses his thumb to circle your clit. You almost double over from the lack of support, so you drape your arms across his neck and throw your head back.
San watches you slowly come undone with just his fingers and his chest blooms with pride, he enjoys how you squirm above him and how he can feel your walls clench around his fingers. Your toes curl and your breathing becomes uneven, a telltale sign you're about to come. “S-San I’m gonna..” You whimper.
But to your displeasure he quickly pulls his fingers out of you before you can go over the edge. You send a harsh glare his way, upset he had taken your orgasm away but he only sends you a level stare, “watch yourself babygirl.”
San leans back on the heels of his feet and unbuttons his shirt leaving him in just his pants. He tosses his shirt aside and places his head between your thighs and plows onto your swollen cunt. “So pretty.” He kisses your inner thigh slowly and sucks on the small patch of skin causing a bruise to form. Once he’s satisfied with the mark he’s left, he turns his attention back to your hardened bud.
He nibbles on your clit slowly and laveshes it with his tongue. He swipes his hot tongue against your slit, devouring you like a starved man. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your high again, your impending orgasm comes hurling at you causing your legs to buckle and hips jerk uncontrollably.
“San I’m gonna cum!”
“Cum for me,” He licks at your sweet arousal, making you moan his name and move your hands to tug at his hair causing him to moan directly on your clit. “Fuck you taste so good.” He flicks his tongue one last time and it’s enough to send you over the edge. Your head falls back and your vision blurs as you cum all over San’s face but he doesn’t stop, he continues to lap up your juices and kisses at your now overly sensitive clit. You grind down on his mouth and allow yourself to ride out the orgasm until he pulls away.
“What a dirty little slut.” He scoffs before standing. You blush at him not entirely sure what to say. You watch as he impatient unbuttons his pants and palms his hardened cock through the thin material of his boxers. He strokes himself slowly and watches you with hooded eyes, “turn around.”
You don’t need to be told twice. You quickly turn to face the sink and slightly bend so your ass is out. You pant heavily, the high of your orgasm still clouding your mind. San groans at the sight of your ass and lands a clean slap to your plump flesh. You hiss at the feeling, you’re sure you’ll have blisters tomorrow with the way his ring sinks into your ass.
He pushes his pants down to his knees and pumps his cock a few times before pistoning into your tight cunt, not giving you any time to adjust to his large cock. It stings and your eyes fill with tears as he stretches you out but at the same time you can’t help but think of how much you’ve missed feeling this full.
San continues to slide in and out of you, hitting your g-spot each time, tears slide down your cheeks as you try and grip onto the side of the sink to help you stay still. The only thing you can feel now is San and an overwhelming sense of love and you hope he feels the same, you hope this level of intimacy is enough to help him forget any other woman.
He reaches up and grips your hair, tugging at the locks while he roughly fucks you. His cock is lodged deep in your snatch hitting your cervix each time.
“Yes, Yes, Yes,” you repeat over and over, feeling your orgasm begin to approach but San slows down and thrust into you with less force. You whine and push your hips back to try and get him to pick up the pace.
“Apologize.” San grunts, his voice deep and demanding. You sniff and try to blink away the tears so you can see properly.
“S-San please!” You choke out, practically sobbing.
“Apologize for thinking I could ever be with another woman, I’m yours ____ and you’re mine.” He growls, beginning to pick up his speed again.
“I’m sorry! Please San! I’m sorry!” You cry, your throat aching. The sound of squelching fills the room, your pussy dripping with arousal and cum. San brings a hand down to play with your clit and helps bring you to your orgasm. You mewl at the feeling and close your eyes.
“Good girl, now cum.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth you cum again. Your thighs shake as you cum, you practically blackout as white spots fill your vision. You cum harder than you thought possible, your thighs and San’s becoming increasingly wet with each gush of your pussy. San helps you ride out your high before pulling out and helping you get dressed again. The two of you clean up your mess before going upstairs to get ready for bed. It isn’t until after you’ve showered and gotten under the covers do you realize that San never once denied cheating on you.
For the first time in a long time you sleep facing your bedside dresser, the gap between San and you feeling as if he were two universes away.
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July 10th 2020, present day, 5:00am
You wake up as if it’s an emergency, as if sleeping has become a dangerous thing. Your heart is beating fast and there is a buzzing in your brian. Tonight you dreamt of San with another woman, she was faceless but still present.
You had to watch in horror as he fucked her relentlessly into your mattress, the mattress you bought when you first moved into your new home. The first thing that came from your joint bank account with San.
San comes from a middle class family, his parents were able to pay his college debt and still live comfortably whereas you come from a higher standing family. Money is no issue for your family, you’re your parents only daughter and youngest so you got whatever you wanted unlike your two brothers growing up.
As a graduation gift, your parents bought your two story mansion so you could continue to live lavishly with San and Seongjae but San was adamant about not accepting the house, he wanted to provide for his family and he couldn’t do that if your parents kept buying you everything, weather you asked for it or not. It took days of begging and pleading and a few compromises before he finally came around to the idea and accepted the home.
The first compromise was that you would no longer go to your parents for money, it didn’t sit well with him that you couldn’t rely on him to support his growing family so he demanded this house be the last purchase your family made for the three of you. And the second compromise was accepting the house unfurnished, he wanted to turn the house into a home by filling it with items from your old apartment and with new furniture you bought together. The mattress was your first big purchase together.
You sigh in agony, tears sitting in your waterline. You can’t do this anymore, you can’t continue to act unbothered when you very obviously are. You don’t even know who this woman is and yet here she is taking over your dreams, the only safe haven you have left.
You turn to look beside you, hoping to find San’s body but he’s long gone, the only trace that he was ever here is his scent in the sheets and the permanent dip in the mattress. You sniff but don’t dwell on it, you have to get ready for your day.
You strip out of your nightgown and place it in your hamper before walking into the bathroom to start your shower. You step into the shower, toes flinching as they touch the chilled ceramic floor. Your mind is in shreds; you can’t stop thinking of San with another woman. You turn the dial, releasing thousands of frigid drops, wetting your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fall closed and images of the faceless woman come back.
You want to scream, cry and hurt San for doing this to you. You want to hate him. But for some odd reason you can’t, a part of you is still willing to continue making excuses for him when you shouldn’t. You deserve more than a cheating lying husband.
You wrap up your shower and step out to brush your teeth. When finished, you dry off and head for your walk in closet to pick out and outfit for today's errands. You settle on sweatpants and an old graphic tee with Gucci slides. Once dressed and ready for your day, you head to Seongjae’s room to check on him but find him fast asleep.
You smile at his small figure from the doorway and gently shut the door behind you before heading downstairs to make yourself a cup of coffee to help keep you energized. As you step into the foyer and head for the kitchen, the scent of brewing coffee wafts through the air and fills your senses.
You enter the kitchen and to your surprise, find San behind the kitchen island pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Oh, you’re still here?” You ask.
He hums and places the pot back on the heater before turning to face you. “Good morning, beautiful.”
You force a smile and round the counter to pour yourself a cup too. “Are you going somewhere?” You ask, taking note of his attire. He hums and takes a sip of his coffee.
“Yes, I know I said I wouldn’t go into the office baby but something came up, I’ll be in and out, I promise.”
Your grip tightens on the coffee pot but you don’t say anything, “do you know when you’ll finish?”
He shakes his head, “I’m not sure but I’ll be back before the party.”
You decide to end the conversation at that, not bothering to ask him anymore questions. You doubt he’ll tell you the truth and having to listen to him continuously lie to you is too draining.
“I’ll leave first, see you later, sweetheart.” He says before leaning down to place a chaste kiss on your lips.
                  ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
“Jisoo! I just picked up the cake but I haven’t changed yet can you please help Areum with welcoming the guest?” You ask over the phone as you make your way back to your home to change for the party.
“Areum? She’s not here.” Jisoo replies.
You groan, growing frustrated at the fact that nothing seems to be going right, you overscheduled Seongjae and totally forgot all about the party his soccer team was throwing in honor of winning their first game last week, luckily enough for you Mina was able to stop by and take him but you were still late to your hair appointment. Following that incident, the bakery made a mistake with the design you had ordered and it took another hour to fix it.
“Do you mind taking over for me?’ You ask, she hums and promises to start taking care of the guest in your stead before hanging up.
Just as the call ends you pull into your driveway, puting the car in park and take the key out of the engine before grabbing your handbag and exiting the car. You speed walk towards the front door and prepare to open it but pause when you hear another car pull into your driveway.
You turn and find Mina’s white Toyota Corolla parked beside yours. She exits and helps Seongjae and Hanbin out of their booster seats and as soon as Seongjae’s little feet hit the ground, he starts sprinting towards you with his arms outstretched.
“Mommy!”
You grimace when you get a proper look at him, the button down you had dressed him in has food stains all over and his khaki pants have grass stains. This was expected but you had hoped he would take better care of himself.
“Hi baby,” You say, bending down to pick him up. He kisses your cheek and snuggles into your neck. You offer Hanbin a smile and wave which he returns, you look up at Mina and gratefully thank her. “I don’t know what I would have done without you, would you like to come in for some tea?”
Mina nods her head and reaches for Hnabin’s hand, “I would love to.”
You open the door and let them in, you stop by the kitchen to put a pot of water on the kettle and offer Hanbin a plate of cookies. “I won’t be long, I just need to change Seongjae and myself.” You tell Mina before excusing yourself.
You quickly exit the kitchen and climb the stairs towards Seongjae’s room. You place him down on the ground and move towards his closet to grab him a change of clothes. “Can you be a big boy and change yourself for mommy?” You ask after placing the all white button down and black jeans on his bed. He obediently nods his head and begins to remove his soiled clothes to change into the new pair, You smile at him and exit his room to head towards yours and change as well.
You make quick work of removing your clothes and heading for the walk in closet to grab the peach midi dress you had chosen the night before. You shimmy into the loose dress and walk towards your vanity to pick out your jewelry.
As you're changing your earrings you hear a light buzzing coming from the closet. You pause, straining your ears to hear it clearer. You step away from the vanity and enter the closet again, the sound picks up and you realize it’s coming from San’s side of the closet. You stalk towards his side but halt when you realize it’s coming from a shoebox sat at the very top of his closet. You huff in annoyance and jump to try and grab it but your fingers barely graze it.
“Damn you for being so tall, Choi San,” You grumble before stepping away from the box and hoping on top of the island. You stand towards the edge and reach up to grab the box. It’s a bit heavier than you anticipated and the buzzing also seems to have stopped. Once it’s in your possession you hop off the island and leave the closet. You take a seat at the foot of your bed and take a deep breath, readying yourself for whatever you may find.
You slowly remove the lid and find a black drawstring bag stuffed into the box. You carefully remove the bag and open it up to dump the contents onto the bed. What you discover makes you sick. Shoved inside the bag is three pairs of San’s underwear, condoms, the Neiman Marcus cologne you had bought for him, and an iPhone you had never seen him use before.
You don’t need to look through the contents of the phone to know what it holds. The evidence of San’s infidelity is laid out on the bed. Before it was speculation, you didn’t have such incriminating evidence, you were still holding onto the hope that you were wrong but now...now there is no hope.
As if taunting you, the phone buzzes on your bed one more time. With eyes filled with tears, you glare at the device but pick it up to see notifications from the Imessages app. To your surprise, there's no password on the phone. You sit staring at the phone not knowing what to open first. With a pounding heart and shaky hands, you decide to open his camera roll first, chances are his mistresses pictures may be there.
“Oh my God,” You whimper, the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down your face, the muscles of your chin tremble like a small child. There is static in your head once more and you wail like a distressed child, raw from the inside.
Out of all the people you would have guessed he was sleeping with, it wasn’t her. Never did you think she could betray you, hell you didn’t think San would be stupid enough to sleep with her. You stare at the picture of Areum and San sharing a passionate kiss on your fathers boat in horror and agony.
Who would have thought he would go crawling back to his first love? The girl who broke his heart with no hesitation, the girl who’s married to his long time best friend Kim Hongjoong. You force yourself to continue scrolling through his camera roll only to stumble across more and more pictures of the two in compromising positions.
You’re a mess by the time you reach the latest picture, it leaves you breathless and seething. This picture not only has San and Areum kissing but it has a group of your closest friends smiling at them. You scan each of their faces in complete shock. Jisoo is standing beside Areum, a wide smile on her face as she cheers your husband on, Yeosang is standing towards the back, a flute of champagne in his hands, Seonghwa is beside Yeosang a stiff smile gracing his lips and his wife is by his side looking fondly at San and Areum.
You look away, not able to continue to look at the faces of your other friends⏤people you trusted with your life betraying you. You close the photos application and throw the phone across the room.
You completely break down, you allow yourself to be consumed by your sadness and growing anger. This whole time you’ve been suppressing your true emotions, putting Seongjae first and imagining a false reality.
You’ve been blissfully ignorant for too long, you need to face reality and the reality is that San is cheating on you with his first love. You’ve never been enough for him, while you gave him all of you and poured your heart and soul into this marriage he only gave you half of him.
His heart was never yours to begin with, it has always belonged to Areum and you’re a fool for thinking he was ever yours.
In the midst of your breakdown, the phone buzzes again. You forcefully stand from your seat on the bed and march over to the phone, you pick it up and slide across the latest message notification.
You scowl when you see it’s from Jisoo. You scroll to the top of their messages and work your way down. Each message leaves you burning, you can’t believe you ever trusted her. You pause when your eyes skim a message she sent him on the first.
jisoo [7/1/20]: are you with areum?
jisoo [7/1/20]: y/n is becoming suspicious, stop seeing areum for a while until it all blows over
san [7/1/20]: really? did she say something?
jisoo [7/1/20]: she just suspects somethings different, i told her off but just to be safe don’t see areum for a while.
san [7/1/20]: thank you jisoo
Your heart stutters when you finally realize that this whole time Jisoo knew about San’s adultery and yet made it seem as if you were losing your mind. She was supposed to be your friend yet sided with San and helped him cover up his acts. Although it hurts, you continue to look through their messages.
jisoo [7/7/20]: stop seeing areum, y/n knows you’re cheating
san [7/7/20]: what happened?
jisoo [7/7/20]: we were eating lunch and she told me she thinks your cheating
jisoo [7/7/20]: come clean and leave areum, y/n is a forgiving person she won’t hold onto this, especially because of seongjae
san [7/7/20]: what if i don’t want to leave areum
You gasp, taken aback by San’s statement and in your state of shock you drop the phone. It clatters to the carpeted floor and lands facing upwards, your legs soon give out on you and you collapse onto the floor, a blood curdling scream leaving your lips. Nothing can compare to the pain you’re feeling at the moment, your husband, the man you have loved for twenty-four years and share a son with no longer wants to be with you.
You hear the pitter patter of Seongjae’s feet as he rushes to your room to check on you but you’re too far gone to sooth him. At the sight of your disheveled state he whimpers and gets on his knees beside you, “Mommy! Don’t cry!”
This only fuels your sadness even more, how do you break the news to Seongjae? How should you answer the questions you know he’s going to have? How do you tell him you weren’t enough for his father? Is he going to blame you once he gets older and hate you?
When he realizes you won’t stop crying anytime soon he begins to wail as well, upset he can’t seem to sooth you. The two of you cry side by side, you want to pull yourself together and take care of your son but you’re drained. You’re not sure you'll even be able to take care of yourself.
“____?” Mina pushes aside your bedroom door and steps in, she had heard the sorrowful crying from all the way downstairs in the kitchen and couldn’t sit still when it showed no signs of stopping. “Oh my God,”
Mina pauses when she’s met with the sight of you on your knees sobbing while your son bawls beside you. She steps into the room with Hanbin right behind her, she hoists up Seongjae and tries her best to sooth his cries. When he’s calmed down a bit, she hands him over to Hanbin.
“Why don’t you two go play in your room? I’ll take care of mommy okay?”
The two toddlers nod and run off to go hide and play in Seongjae’s room, leaving you alone with Mina. She looks around the room, trying to find the cause of your despair. Her eyes fall upon the phone, after months of seeing San prancing around the office with it in hand and a goofy smile on his face she concludes you must have just found out about his affair.
“He’s not worth your tears.” Mina sighs. She kneels beside you and gingerly rubs your back, “don’t let him win, ____.”
You sniff and look up from the ground. “Did you know?”
She reluctantly nods. “They weren’t very discreet, I walked in on them in his office.”
Your head throbs, the pain feels like someone has taken a knife and logged it in your skull. Your body slumps against the bed frame, no longer able to sit up on your own. Squeezing your eyes shut, you try and will away the pain. Mina seems to be a whole galaxy away as all you can concentrate on is the pain rooted deep in your head. All you can feel and all you know in that moment is pain.
While your head throbs in pain, the heartache is undeniably worse and has run you out until you are dry inside, you’re unable to produce anymore tears. “I want to know why,” you’ve never been one for revenge, you believed in karma and you’re sure this will come back to bite them in the ass.
It hurts to know your soul, your love and everything you’ve ever given to San means absolutely nothing to him. Areum is the one who continuously broke his heart while you were the one who reshaped it over and over again; but yet he chose her anyway. You can only hope that once this shitshow blows up, when this spark that is your anger drops to the gasoline that is scattered around your life and causes the explosion that’s just waiting to happen, he knows it’s what he deserves.
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“You don’t have to do this, ____.” Mina tries to reassure you as she pulls into a parking space at the venue you had rented out for San’s birthday bash. You run a hand down your hair and smooth out any wrinkles in your Alexander McQueen dress. After collecting yourself and reassuring Mina you would be fine, you ushered her out of your room and got to work on changing your appearance.
After Seongjae’s birth, your wardrobe changed drastically. Gone were the party dresses and tight fitting clothes, in their place were loose fitting tops and leggings to make it easier to move and look after your rambunctious toddler and business casual outfits for work. The dress you’re wearing now⏤ the tight fitting all black off-the-shoulder paneled mini dress, was a gift from San himself, he bought it for your three year anniversary that’s coming up. You wonder if you’ll celebrate that significant mark.
You can’t help but let your mind drift, did San cheat because he no longer found you attractive? Had you become such a turn off that he no longer desired you? You know you’re not to blame for San not being able to keep his dick in his pants but you can’t help but subconsciously think that maybe if you dress up a bit more and take more time applying your makeup he’ll be drawn to you again.
Your mind wanders back to two nights ago, the first night in months San held you in his arms and fucked you senslessly while your son slpt soundly in his bed. Your face heats up in anger and embarrassment at the realization that he made you apologize, he made you seem crazy for ever doubting him when he was with Areum the whole time.
“What’s so wrong with wanting to look good for my husband?” You ask, an overly sweet yet stiff smile on your lips. Mina sighs but decides to not push you on the matter.
“Mommy I want to see daddy!”
You turn your body to look into the backseat and find Seongjae pouting up at you. Your heart breaks at the way he resembles his father. “One second, baby.” You turn back and unbuckle your seatbelt before getting out of the car and helping Hanbin and Seongjae out of their booster seats. “You two go ahead, be careful!” you admonish but they’re already sprinting off towards the desert table.
You turn back around to find Mina locking her car and coming around the vehicle to stand beside you. The two of you stand in an awkward silence, neither of you knowing how to address the obvious elephant in the room.
“I won’t tell you what to do, it’s not my relationship but make the decision for yourself, not just because you want Seongjae to have a complete family. I nearly stayed with my ex for that sole reason,” she pauses to sniff and look away, “he isn’t a good person. He was verbally and sometimes physically abusive but he was the best father to Hanbin, I wanted to stay to make him happy. I would do anything for that little boy but I learned the hard way that staying wasn’t helping anyone.”
“Mina, I⏤”
She shakes her head and continues, “he knew how much I love my son. He would use Hanbin as a bargaining chip to get me to do things for him. If I didn’t do them he would get violent and lash out on Hanbin.” She wipes away her tears and looks up towards the sky. “I tried, I really did. I tried to give Hanbin that picture perfect happy family but it became too much. Jihoon would come home drunk and force himself on me.”
She wipes away the last of her tears and turns back to face you. “I’m not saying San is the same, but don’t stay out of obligation to your son, ____. He may be young but he’s a bright kid, he’ll pick up on the hostility and that’ll be a whole other problem for you to deal with. All I’m saying is, this is a huge decision. Make the choice that’s best for you.”
You place a hand softly on her shoulder as a token of your sympathy and nod your head. “I understand, and for what it’s worth, you’re an extremely strong woman Mina, Hanbin is lucky to have a mother like you.”
She smiles and mouths a thank you. You smile softly and offer her your hand, she takes it and the two of you walk up the pavement towards the party that is in full swing. Mina squeezes your hand tighter as a comforting gesture when you pass a table of your supposed close friends.
Jisoo calls out your name but you keep walking as if you haven’t heard a thing. You feel the eyes of everyone at the table on your exposed back as you continue walking. You don’t stick around to hear the conversation they strike up about you.
“Was that, ____? Choi ____?” Seonghwa asks the table in shock.
Jisoo keeps her eyes trained on your hand that is entwined with Mina’s, wondering when you became so close with your husband's personal assistant.
“You’re asking the wrong question, hwa.” Heejin, Seonghwa’s wife, mumbles into the glass of her champaign, mood ruined by her husband ogling her long time friend. She nudges his thigh and pushes his hand off her shoulder.
“What question should he be asking then Heejin?” Yeosang asks before dowing the rest of his cognac.
Heejin places her glass down on the table in front of her and sinks into her seat still ignoring her husband's attempts to placate her. “When did she get so close to the personal assistant.”
Jisoo pulls her eyes away from you then, “you noticed too? Do you think Mina told her?”
Jia, Jongho’s girlfriend, worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “I hope not, should we go talk to them?”
Yeosang scoffs and leans forward to grab the Hennessy to pour himself another glass. “You can’t be serious. We’ve all been shit friends and went the extra mile to make sure she doesn’t find out. I doubt she has a clue she’s married to a dick and friends with such shitty people.”
Yunho sucks his teeth, “aish, San is our friend and Areum is your sister, you know we can’t do that to them.”
Yeosang glares at Yunho, “what about, ____,” the blond looks away to pin his harsh stare on his girlfriend, Jisoo. “Is she not your best friend?” He then looks up at the whole table, “is she not friends with us all?”
“Yeosang, baby you’ve had too much to drink,” Jisoo tries to reach for the glass that’s wrapped tightly in his grasp but he yanks his hand away.
“Do none of you feel the slightest bit guilty? Because I know I do.” Yeosang looks up at Mingi, “don’t you remember that time she dropped everything to help you put together that surprise for your anniversary with Yeona? She had been on her feet all day at work helping patients and six months pregnant yet she was willing to help you rather than go home and rest. You all know how hard her pregnancy was” The younger male looks down in shame, not knowing what to say.
“What about you Wooyoung? Do you not remember how you were having trouble getting it up? I do, you wouldn’t let the groupchat rest for days, you went on and on about how you were tired of Heiran trying to jump your dick every two seconds.” Heiran’s face heats up in embarrassment and she smacks her husband's shoulder, Wooyoung glares at Yeosang for outing him before turning to his wife to try and soothe her. “She stole the prescription for you, she didn’t even bat and eyelash or make you ask twice. Do you not realize she could lose her job for that?”
“Baby, please, let’s not do this.” Jisoo begs but it’s too late, the mood has been crushed successfully.
Yeosang laughs coldly, “let’s not forget about Hongjoong. Isn’t he your best friend, Seonghwa? We were all in his wedding, we stood by his side as he married my sister and now look at us. Hiding a secret we know will crush him.” Seonghwa’s face hardens at the mention of his best friend but lets Yeosang continue his tirade. “Do you know how many times Hongjoong has called me in tears asking me if I know why Areum seems distant? He wants to start a family with her, he’s in love with her and yet none of us have the balls to be honest with him. Instead we’re all protecting their lying asses.”
No one says anything as the harshness and bitter truth of Yeosang’s words start to sink in.
“You’re all shit people, me included. ____ and Hongjoong are such nice people and deserve better than what they have.”
                 ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
An hour has passed since your arrival at the party, you’ve secluded yourself to a table near the middle of the park, you haven’t seen San or Areum, you can only guess what they’re up to. No one from the table of fakes has approached you and you’re grateful for that. You’re sure you won’t be able to hold your composure if they try and strike up a casual conversation.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” You ask Mina as the two of you sip on your mocktails. You had tried to convince her to have one glass of Merlot with you but she denied, claiming one glass is all it would take for her to lose her composure. So instead you’re both drinking mocktails, imagining your sipping on gin and tonic.
She nods, “this is the most fun I’ve had in months.”
You frown, “what about all those trips you attend with San? I’m sure hanging out at my parents beach house in Jeju is more fun than being forced to spend time with me.”
Mina laughs into her glass, “I like spending time with you and you would think. But no, I tend to avoid San and Areum at all costs on overseas trips, and on little getaways like the one on your family yacht, I’m never included in any of the activities because I don’t speak rich.”
You play with the rim of your drink and look down, that sounds about right. You’re not surprised none of your ‘friends’ wanted to include Mina, they’re known to be shallow. If the first number in your bank account isn’t followed consecutively by six spaces, you’re a nobody to them. You had tried time and time again to change their point of view but it was like you were having a conversation with a wall.
“Yeosang did talk to me once though, he seemed genuine enough. He tried to include me in some events but he mostly avoided all fifteen of us, he opted to sit by the deck brooding while drinking his bourbon.”
You giggle, “that sounds like Yeosang.”
Truth be told, Yeosang is the only genuine friend within that monstrosity of a friend group. When you were pregnant with Seongjae he would often stop by with little gifts to help replenish your energy and some gifts for Seongjae. He was a huge help during your first trimester, he knew exactly what to do to help ease your worries and wouldn’t hesitate to buy you any of your cravings, San never liked how close you two got during your pregnancy, he was always overly jealous when the former would drop by.
The faint song playing in the background draws to a close just as San starts tapping a fork against the rim of his flute glas, the chatter abruptly dies down. You turn away from Mina to locate him by the front of the venue, standing before his birthday cake. “May I have your attention for a moment please,” he dwrals, his voice low and husky.
The attendees lower their voices and turn their attention to San as he begins his thank you speech, “first I would like to thank you all for joining me here to celebrate another year of my life,” a few people clap and some wish him a happy birthday. San nods in acknowledgement before returning to his speech, “I’m extremely grateful and appreciative to be joined not only by my friends and family but by my, hopefully, new investors.” San raises his glass in the direction of a group of old businessmen huddled towards the back.
“Of course though, I can’t take all the credit for this amazing party. We all know planning accordingly isn’t my forte.” The guest laugh at his joke and he turns to face you. You freeze when his eyes fall upon you.
You thought you would be fine. You thought you would be able to at least look him in the eyes and still be fine knowing what you do but now, as you’re staring him down and unable to detect even the slightest hint of love in his expression that crushes you more than the text messages did. He sends a soft smile your way before turning back around to look at his other guest.
“This party is thanks to my alumni, and my good friend and corporate attorney, Kang Areum.”
You feel gutted at his words. Areum? Is he seriously doing this right now? You were the one who planned this damned party, you were the one who made the phone calls, arranged the cake and decorations, stayed up late to make corrections after working a six hour shift at the hospital and looking after your toddler. All Areum did was suck his dick and yet he had the audacity to thank her? In front of all his associates?
Every time he opens his mouth you get angrier. Burning rage hisses through your body like a deathly poison, screeching a demand to be released in the form of unwanted violence. It’s like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off of you like ferocious waves.
Mina noticing this, places a comforting hand on top of yours, “don’t let it get to you.” She whispers.
“Where’s Yeosang?” San asks, the man in question raises his glass in the air. You turn your head to look at him, his cheeks are flushed and his appearance is disheveled. It doesn’t take a genius to know he’s drunk. San nods in his direction, “Here’s a special thanks to you for helping set up.”
Yeosang chuckles, “yah, drop the act and just thank the person you’re really grateful to.”
The blond side eyes you and the others laugh but your face remains passive.
San chuckles under his breath and shifts his eyes to the person stood beside Yeosang. You follow his line of vision and find Areum who’s blushing under your husband’s gaze. You don’t say anything, you just quietly observe.
“____, thank you.” San then turns to face you, catching you off guard but you do your best to reign in your emotions. “Meeting you was one of the best things that ever happened to me, the other being the birth of our son.”
At the mention of Seongjae you peel your eyes off of San to scan the crowd for your child, your eyes sweeping over Areum in the process. You can’t help but take pleasure in the sadness that mars her face.
“I’m so jealous.” One of San’s associates coos from her spot across from you. “You two are just too cute.”
If only she knew.
“You supported my dream of opening up my own entertainment business, and embraced me on nights when I was too anxious to function and gave me peace. I love you, ____.”
You don’t meet his gaze. You know full well you’ll break down the second you meet his eyes.
Everyone claps at your husband's proclamation of love and coo in admiration. Jisoo moves away from the table and sneaks her over to you to stand beside you. “He said he loves you, won’t you say something back.”
Heejin gasps from across the lawn and nods, “say a speech!”
The other guests nod in agreement and some try to push you forward to join San at the front but your feet stay rooted in their spot. It is only when Mina nudges your side do you move hesitantly towards him.
San looks at you worriedly, he tries to offer you a comforting smile but when you don’t smile back he turns to stop the crowd. “Ah, stop!” He chuckles lightly but they don’t stop.
You turn to look at Areum to find her already staring at you. Hongjoong walks up to her from the outdoor bar and wraps an arm around her waist but she pays him no attention.
You take cautious steps towards San and come to a stop right in front of him. The crowd simmers down but you say nothing, you just stare at him, wishing things could go back to how they were in college.
In a last attempt to see if your marriage is really over, you extend both hands to gently grab the side of San’s face and crash your lips onto his. His lips are soft and warm like they always are. The kiss is gentle, just like all the previous ones you’ve shared but different nonetheless, it’s lacking in emotion and passion. All the sadness that has been building within you then bursts and tears begin to trickle down your cheeks.
You know what you need to do.
You slowly pull away and remove your hands, “happy birthday.”
San gulps and nods his head, a bit starstruck. “Thank you.”
You softly smile and back away. The crowd cheers at the little display of affection but you don’t pay any attention to them. Your mind feels as if it’s working in overdrive as the bitter truth finally starts to sink in.
Mina ushers you away from the crowd and towards the back where you were previously seated.
“I take it you’ve made up your mind?”
Wiping away the tears you nod, suddenly filled with rage rather than sadness. You’re over crying, you’re tired of acting like the meek wife. “I did.”
Understanding your rightfully placed fury, Mina nods. “If you ever need my help you know where to find me.”
You smile at her gratefully, thankful you at least have one friend you can trust.
“I’m going to look for Hanbin, I’ll see you around, ____.”
You say goodbye to Mina before heading to the outdoor bar to get yourself that glass of Merlot. You’ll need all the liquid courage you can get to make it through the next few minutes.
“____?”
You close your eyes at the sound of Jisoo’s voice, slowly preparing yourself for the conversation to come. You plaster a fake smile on your lips and twirl around.
“Jisoo! Thank you so much for looking after the guest for me, I don’t know what I would do without you.” She smiles bashfully, “of course. That’s what friends are for.” Friend. She still considers herself as your friend. A heavy silence follows soon after, neither of you know what to say. “I tried inviting you to join us at the table but you walked right past us with Mina.” Jisoo says after a beat, you can tell clear as day she’s subtly trying to ask you about your sudden closeness with Mina and if she happened to say anything.
“Is that so? I didn’t hear, I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”
Jisoo giggles and places her glass of bubbly beside your Merlot. “When did the two of you get so close anyway?”
You shrug, “we’re both two hard working mothers with rambunctious toddlers, I think it was bound to happen.”
Jisoo nods, “yes but it seems almost...sudden?”
You open your mouth to respond but you’re cut off by Heejin calling out your name. You look over Jisoo’s shoulder to find Heejin and the rest of the girls following behind her, your eyes fall on Areum. It bothers you how she carries herself with such pride.
Jisoo moves aside to let Heejin stand beside you. She throws her arms around you and sways you side to side.
“It feels as if we haven’t talked in years!” You force yourself to smile and hug her back, “work has been keeping me quite busy.”
She pulls away and looks you up and down. She gasps, “is that an Alexander McQueen dress?”
You flatten out the wrinkles and bashfully nod, you look at Areum as you answer, “yes. It was a gift from San, I thought it was only fitting to wear tonight.” All the girls, save for Areum, gasp.
Heiran pouts, “I wish Wooyoung was that thoughtful!”
Jisoo laughs, “you two still act like newlyweds,” she leans in, “maybe you’ll have a second child.”
The females break out into quite giggles as if something scandalous has been said. You stiffly smile, a second child with San? Absolutely not. You look back over to Areum and cock your head to the side. “What about you Areum? I know Hongjoong has been looking forward to you having kids soon?”
She fiddles with her empty flute glass and shyly shakes her head. “I’m not sure I want children.”
Jia reaches out to lightly slap her back, “aigoo, what do you mean? That’s all you ever wanted with him back in high school!”
Areum shrugs, “people change and often change their preferences.”
You bitterly smile, “I guess they do. Don’t they?”
                ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
“Yeosang, slow down. That’s your fourth beer.” Yunho calls out but the blond giggles and shakes his head.
“This is nothing.”
He finishes out his latest bottle and reaches to grab a new one from the table in front of him. He eyes San who is standing beside him wringing his hands together as he anxiously watches his wife converse with his mistress.
Yeosang smirks, “does that make you anxious?”
San turns to look at his friend, “what?”
Yeosong nods his head in your direction, “does it make you anxious to watch them talk, not knowing if your life is about to blow up?”
San scoffs. “You’re drunk. Mingi, help him get home.” Mingi watches the two, unsure of what to do.
Yeosang nods, “I hope she leaves you.” No one says a word and that only spurs Yeosang on. “You live in a grand home with a wife who loves you unconditionally and a son who looks up to you. You don’t have to worry about money because even if your stupid company fails, ____ can and without a doubt will supply for you. You only live in luxury thanks to your rich and successful wife whom you don’t deserve.”
San shakes his head, unbelieving of the crap leaving Yeosang’s mouth. “Yah, watch what you’re saying.” “Your son deserves a better role model.”
Officially fed up with what he’s hearing, San steps forward and extends a hand to punch the smug look off of Yeosang’s face but he’s pulled back by Jongho. “That’s enough guys. Yeosang you’re drunk and San now is not the time or place to do this.”
Yeosang places his bear down on the table and stands. “You never deserved ____ to begin with. She deserves an actual man.”
San throws his body weight behind his fist that strikes Yeosang’s face, it hits his jaw with such force blood pools into his mouth no doubt causing pain. The force is enough to send Yeosang tumbling to the ground.
Many gasps can be heard as all the guests gather around the scene.
You turn in shock to find San standing over Yeosang with a cut and bleeding fist. San looks up and makes eye contact with you but quickly averts his eyes before walking off. You huff and excuse yourself from the girls to go clean up the mess San has made.
By the time you arrive by Yeosang’s side, Seonghwa has helped him to stand on his own two feet. “Bring him over to the bar, I’ll help him.”
Seonghwa nods and follows behind you, the three of you get to the bar and Seonghwa gently places Yeosang down on a bar stool. You stand in between his legs and ask the bartender for some ice which you receive soon.
You grab a napkin and wipe away the blood that stains his cheek and his busted lip. You work in silence and give Yeosang the time to sober up.
“Where’s Jisoo?”
You place the bloodied napkin on the bar top and shrug, “I believe she went to go check on San.”
Yeosang scoffs and grabs the ice from your hands to place on his cut lip. You purse your lips and step away to give him the space he needs.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For everything San has done.”
Yeosang chuckles in disbelief, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “____ why are you apologizing? You’re not the one who punched me. It was San.”
You nod, “he’s my husband,” you point out, the last word feeling strange on your lips. You may be married but he feels like a stranger now. “That’s why I’m saying sorry, I know he’ll apologize when he’s cooled down but I still want to say sorry for him.”
Yeosang can’t believe what he’s hearing right now. He sighs as he removes the ice from his numb lips and sets it on the bar top, “this is why I’m so fucking angry with him! You’re saying sorry for  something that’s not your fault. You’re apologizing to me when he should be the one begging for forgiveness not only to me but especially to you!”
You look down at your feet, trying to find the courage within you to ask the question plaguing your mind. In a meek voice you ask, “why should he apologize to me?” Yeosang stays silent and plays with the melting ice, “why were you fighting?” you continue.
Yeosang drums his fingers on the table and looks away, “it was a disagreement that ended poorly.”
You hum and look up, “was it because of San’s affair with your sister?”
He freezes and looks up at you. It falls silent between the two of you for a while. Yeosang leans against the bar and tongues his right cheek. “How long have you known?”
You take a seat and shrug, “I had my suspicions. First he started coming home late then he stopped wearing his ring, he also stopped attending important events. But what really gave it away though was the pictures of you all enjoying yourselves on my father’s yacht.”
Yeosang looks down in shame but you keep going, “I guess the picture of him kissing Areum was pretty damning as well.”
He sighs, “what are you going to do?”
You pick at your nails and sigh, “I wanted to stay, I thought I could fix things and make it work but our marriage is broken beyond repair.”
He huffs in anger and shakes his head before speaking, “San really doesn’t deserve you, ____. He has no idea how much he’s lost.” Pausing to take a breath and to run his fingers through his locks, he continues, “after all these years, he still hasn’t learned to appreciate you.”
You purse your lips, the sadness overwhelming you again. “I’ve always told him how great of a wife you are to him but he’s so wrapped up in Areum to listen!” Yeosang says exasperated.
“I’m going to need an attorney, can-”
He cuts you off, “you don’t have to ask, I’ll represent you in court. It’s the least I can do.” Areum and Yeosang have similar taste, you assume that’s why they both chose to study law. While Areum works for San’s company, Yeosang chose a different route.
You simply nod, “and I can trust no one else will know about this until the paperwork is ready?”
Yeosang nods. “Of course. It wouldn’t help our case if San knew you were filing for divorce, we’ll need to gather evidence without his knowledge to get you a good deal in court. Can we meet at my firm tomorrow to discuss this?”
“Yes. I’ll stop by after my rounds at the hospital.”
He nods and gives you a comforting smile. “I’m going home,” he announces as he pushes the now melted ice towards the bartender and fixes his suit jacket. “You should, too.”
Where is home right now? Is it the house you and San share? Because it doesn’t feel like it.
You nod and stand. Yeosang makes his way to you, squeezing you in his embrace, his palm rubbing your arms in a soothing manner. You shut your eyes and try to form a small smile.
Before he lets go he whispers into your ear, “you’ll be okay.”
You can only hope.
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July 11th, 2020, the next morning, 6:00am
You woke up alone again this morning but you weren’t surprised when you found San's side of the bed empty. In fact you weren’t the slightest bit bothered by his disappearance. You don’t think you would have been able to meet Yeosang after work had you seen San’s face this morning.
You’ve just arrived at work, you’re running a few minutes late because you had to drop Seongjae off at preschool seeing as San had left early for work without informing you.
“____!”
You quicken your pace when you hear Jisoo call out for you. You have a busy schedule today and you don’t have time nor do you desire to listen to Jisoo try and strike up a conversation knowing how she’s betrayed you.
“Yah! Slow down!”
You continue to ignore her and keep your pace, “I’m a busy woman Jisoo. What do you want?”
She huffs and picks up her pace so she’s speed walking beside you. “Areum is in your office, she came in this morning feeling sick and got differed to your office for consultation.”
Your pace slows a bit, “why is she in my office? She should be in the ED if it’s an emergency.”
Jisoo laughs and gently hits your side, “she’s our friend and she requested it be you. She’s very comfortable with you.”
You scoff, “has her chart been uploaded to my computer?”
“Mhhh, she’s also filled out all the necessary paperwork, she’s just waiting on you.”
You nod and stop once you reach the door to your office. “See you later then.”
She looks as if she has more to say but you don’t give her the chance. You open your office door and step into the room before shutting the door gently behind you.
You clear your throat and offer Areum a smile. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to get Seongjae to school.”
She waves you off. “No need to apologize, it must be hard taking care of a child alone.”
You place your handbag on top of your desk and cock your head. “I’m not alone. I have San.” It bothers you how smug she looks sitting before you. It also hurts to admit that you truly are alone in this but of course you swallow your pain and mask it with pride. “He may be forgetful and work centered but he’s a good father.”
You’re not wrong. Your relationship with San may not be the same anymore but that doesn’t mean he stopped loving his son. You won’t discredit all the love and effort San has put into helping you raise Seongjae just because his feelings for you have shifted.
“Of course, I’m sorry for insinuating otherwise.”
You shake your head, “that’s alright,” you fix your white coat and push back your chair before taking a seat and logging onto your computer, “what seems to be the problem Areum?”
She clears her throat and shifts in her seat. “I’m aching all over, and it doesn’t seem to go away.”
You go over a list of possibilities before sliding away from your desk to a cart filled with medical supplies and pull out a thermometer. You rise from your seated position and walk to stand in front of Areum to take her temperature, 100.4°F.
“When did it start?”
She pushes her hair back, “it’s been about 2 or three weeks.”
You nod and unravel your stethoscope from your neck and plug your ears, “I just need to listen to your internal organs real quick.” She nods and sits straighter, allowing you to slightly lift her top and place the cool metal against her chest. “Can you take a deep breath for me?” She nods and inhales deeply before letting out the air in her lungs, you listen to her heartbeat and lungs, searching for any abnormal sounds but find none. You take the diaphragm off her chest and put your stethoscope away.
“Everything sounds normal.” You tell her. “Have you had a cough or any phlegm?”
She shakes her head, “no.”
You sit back down in your cahir and roll back over your desk to begin charting and asking the standard questions. “Do you drink or smoke?”
She scoffs, “we’ve been friends for years, ____. Is this really necessary?”
Your leg twitches at her words, you’ve been friends for years yet she had no qualms about sleeping with your husband and making you look like a fool. “I need to ask everyone these questions, regardless if we have a history or not.”
She nods, “No, I don’t smoke but I do drink from time to time, just not recently”
You nod and chart that in. “Are you sexually active?”
She pauses and licks her lips before looking you up and down, “do I have to tell you that too?”
You can feel your anger rising but you do your best to quell the firefly pit in your stomach. “It’s one of the basic questions, answer me honestly.”
She hums, “I’m not. Hongjoong and I are too busy for sex.”
You want to roll your eyes at the blatant lie but you keep your composure. You stand and grab your cart of supplies to bring over to her. You set it in front of her and take a seat. “I need to draw some blood.”
You don’t let her respond before roughly grabbing her arm and placing it down on your desk. You pluck a pair of gloves from the box and slip them on before picking up an alcohol wipe and open it. You reach into your lab coat and take out a disposable elastic band.
“Are you afraid of needles?” You ask as you open the packaging of the needle and place it on a piece of tissue paper.
“Just a little.” She admits.
You hum and tightly wrap the band around Areum’s upper arm, not making sure to check if you tied it too tight before searching for a vein, “can you clench and unclench your fist for me?”
She nods and does as you ask. You grasp her lower arm below the puncture site and grab the needle off of the tissue you had set it on.
“I’m going to insert the needle now, don’t move.”
She nods and tightly closes her eyes. You don't wait before aggressively inserting the needle into her vein, blood instantly rushes into the catheter. You take pleasure in the way she winces and tries to retract her arm. You keep her in place and quickly attach a tube to the needle and let the blood fill the tube. When you have two tubes full of her blood you take a piece of gauze off of the counter and place it on top of the needle and pull it out gently then apply pressure to the vessel.
You back away and begin filling out the paperwork for the lab.
“What are you testing for?” She meekly asks.
You purse your lips and make it a point to avoid her gaze.
“You have a light fever so I’ll have the lab check for any viruses, cold, allergies and STD’s”
She squints up at you, seemingly offended you would think she has an STD, and stands, “are we finished?”
You shake your head and place a cup in front of her. “I also need to test for pregnancy.”
               ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
The five minutes it takes Areum to get to the bathroom and back to your office feels like a decade. The next five minutes it takes for the pregnancy test to read her urine for HGC feels like a century.
“Do you think it’s possible?”
You look up from your feet to face a nervous looking Areum. “Yes. If no contraception was used during the last time you had intercourse there’s a possibility you may be pregnant.”
You feel your heart chip at the admission, knowing that there’s a possibility of her being pregnant and the baby being San’s.
You look away from her to look at the test and you feel your heart drop when you see the result. Positive.
Your breath hitches and your heart rate picks up as you weakly whisper, “congratulations.”
Her head snaps in your direction but you can’t bear to face her. You clear your throat, “I’m sure Hongjoong will be happy to know he’s going to be a father. It’s all he’s ever wanted since the two of you got together in high school.”
Areum shakes her head in disbelief, “n-no. You’re wrong, I’m not pregnant!”
You blink away your tears and look around the room to try and ground yourself before you spiral and have a panic attack. You can’t let her know that you know.  “You can head up to gynocology to see Jisoo and have her run a new test, I have to go.”
You don’t wait for her to respond before plucking your bag off of the desk and standing from your seat. You can’t stay here anymore.
You yank open the door and nearly jump in shock when you find Jisoo standing behind the door with her hand raised, ready to knock.
She looks at you in shock, “are you okay, ____?”
You nod and gulp, “y-yes. I’m fine.”
You push past here and start walking towards the elevators.
“Where are you going? You still have more patients?”
You don’t stop walking, instead you pick up your pace. “I need to leave early, have Kuanlin take the rest of my patients.”
Jisoo frowns and tries to catch up to you. “I’m worried about you, ____. Where are you going?” She tries to reach out and grab your arm but you shove her off.
“Don’t touch me!”
She looks at you bewildered but backs off. You sniff and straighten your coat. “I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from.”
She shakes her head, “it’s fine.”
You smooth out the imaginary wrinkles in your shirt. “I’m going to my mothers.”
You don’t wait for her to respond before getting into the now open lift and press the lobby button wishing the doors would close faster.
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You manage to make it to your childhood home in under an hour with no accidents. Just as you pull into the paved driveway, your mother steps out onto the porch of the looming home and patiently waits for you.
You turn off the car engine and slowly step out of the car. Your feet drag as you make your way towards your mother who now has her arms outstretched. She greets you warmly with hugs and smiles, you can tell she's picked up on your mood and is desperate to talk to you about it.
She pulls you into the kitchen to sit at the table. She puts the kettle on, boiling some water to make you both tea. “What’s wrong my precious baby? It’s unlike you to show up unannounced.”
You take a deep breath. You’re not entirely ready to talk about it but you know you're not leaving this kitchen unless she gets some sort of explanation.
“I’m divorcing San.”
Your mother pauses and looks up at you through her thick lashes but you don’t move. She sets the teacups down on coasters in front of you and takes a seat beside you.
“What happened.”
You blink a few times before quickly letting your gaze drop to your hands, playing with your fingers before you murmur. “He’s cheating on me with his first love…” you feel a lump form in your throat as you fill your mother in. “She’s also pregnant with his baby.” Your tears are already threatening to spill. God, You need to get it together.
She says nothing, rather she reaches out for your hands and clasps them tightly, letting her touch convey her comfort.
“God it hurts so much mom.” You sob, no longer able to keep up the facade. “I love him so much and it kills me to know he’s found a home with her!”
Not loved but love, present tense, not past. You’re still in love with the man who has consistently broken your heart, even now, your heart beats for him and breaks for him all the same. You’re not ready to say that you loved him because that would mean it’s over. It would mean that the past seventeen years you’ve spent loving San has come to an end when it hasn’t.
Your mother stands from her seat to bring you into her arms, you bury your face into her bosom and weep like a newborn.
She shushes you and gingerly rubs your back, “I know baby. It’s okay, let it out.”
You sniff, “I would have stayed if it was purely sexual but to know that he’s emotionally invested in her and that he opened his heart for her and let her build her own home within him crushes me each time I think about it,” you hiccup and sob some more, “why couldn’t he see that the home he made within me was for him alone? Why wasn’t I enough?”
Your mother pulls away and looks down at you with tears swimming in her waterline. “You were always enough, he’s a fool for what he’s done.”
You shake your head. “I feel like such a failure! I don’t even know how to face my own son anymore, how am I supposed to tell him that I’m leaving San? He absolutely adores his father and I-I don’t want to seperate them!”
Your mother brushes away your tears and places a kiss atop your head before stepping away, “you’re not a failure. San cheating is not on you so don’t you dare blame yourself. He chose to split his family apart. What happens now however is up to you, I can’t tell you what to do. This is something that you need to do on your own baby, but make sure that whatever you decide is one that’s right for you. Not San, but for yourself.”
She gingerly rubs your cheek, “you deserve to be selfish this once.”
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“I want full custody of Seongjae.”
Yeosang looks at you in shock, not knowing what to say. You smile sweetly and move around him to take a seat at the conference table. After your talk with your mother it feels as if your mind has cleared a bit and you are finally ready to begin the long tedious process that is divorce.
“San would never agree to that.” Yeosang finally says as he comes around the large table to take a seat beside you.
You nod, “probably. But I still want it on the papers, we’ll just have to make him agree.”
Yeosang laughs, and nods. He pulls out a notepad and pen and gets to work on writing down the terms and conditions of your divorce.
“Will you allow San any visitation rights?”
You nod, “I’m not evil, Seongjae adores his father and I won’t separate them because of San’s mistakes.” You play with the hem of your skirt, “I want primary custody and we can switch off on holiday’s and his birthday. He needs to ask me first if he ever wants to take Seongjae out on a day he doesn’t have him.”
Yeosang nods and writes it down, “do you want him to pay child support?”
You shake your head. “I don’t need anything from him. I’ll be financially stable without him. However, I don’t want him to get a dime of my money or my parents. I’m sure he can find his own way to stay financially afloat with your sister.”
Yeosang leans back in his seat, “you’re just full of surprises today aren’t you, ____?”
“I deserve to be selfish just this once.”
He rolls his pen between his fingers, “I don’t think it’s selfish, it’s what he deserves.”
You don’t speak on that and Yeosang doesn’t push you. He goes back to writing down your demands. “I’m assuming you want to keep the home as well.”
You hum, “I do but he can keep the mattress.” Yeosang nods and writes that down.
“Have you heard from your sister?” You ask.
He shakes his head, “we don’t talk much anymore. Our relationship became strained when she first started sleeping with San.”
You nod and trail your fingers across your exposed thigh due to your skirt riding up. “She stopped by my office today.”
He hums but doesn’t look up from his work, “is that so?”
You move your hand from your thigh to his and pat it gently, “congratulations, you’re an uncle.”
He stops writing to look down at your hand that is now resting on his upper thigh then looks up at your face. “What?”
You nod and purse your lips. “She’s pregnant with San’s baby.”
He places his pen down and turns to fully face you. You remove your hand from his thigh but he reaches out to grab it and entwine with his fingers before you can place it back on your lap. “How are you holding up?”
You shrug, “as good as I can? There’s not much I can do about this situation, I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that he’s no longer mine and that I’ll at least have Seongjae once this mess is over.” You tiredly smile, “I think I’ll be okay.”
Yeosang stares into your eyes deeply, moved by your strength. “San never deserved you. You’re too good for him.”
You dryly laugh, “and who did deserve me?”
Without missing a beat he replies, “me.”
You keep your eyes locked on Yeosang’s, studying him silently. You’re no idiot, you know Yeosang has been madly in love with you since middle school. While you were pining after San he was pining after you. There's no doubt that Yeosang has always been beautiful, even as a small kid. It was quite unfair, with poreless skin that every girl could only dream of having and the warmest brown eyes that always sparkled with emotion.
He was just never the boy of your dreams but now in this moment, as you work on ending your marriage to the man you vowed to love forever and with the way Yeosang stares at you with nothing but pure adoration and love you can't help but wonder if you fell in love with the wrong man.
Slowly, he leans in waiting for you to push him away or show any sign of disgust but when he finds none and you don’t push him away, he closes the gap between the two of you.
Soft lips press against yours, a large hand cups your check tilting your head up so he can press his lips against yours more. You tense up when he slides his other hand down to your waist and tugs you forward to place you on his lap. You soon melt as he wraps an arm around your waist, sliding you forwar until your legs rest on either side of his hips.
He kisses you slowly at first, still testing the waters until you push back against his mouth. You note his lips feel as soft as they look. You part your lips when he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. Parting them with no resistance, the kiss grows deeper, hotter and messier as the hand cupping your jaw slides up into your hair, tugging on it gently and earning a moan from you.
Yeosang groans into your mouth and slightly pulls away, “are you sure you want to do this?”
You nod fervently, “yes Yeosang, God yes!”
He looks up at you starstruck. You laugh a little as at his expression before leaning down to capture his lips in another searing kiss. Daringly, you run your hands down his chest, along his thighs, and then ghost your fingers against his growing erection. It feels thick against your touch, sparking your curiosity, so you break the kiss and trail your eyes lower.
“Can I?” You ask before going any further.
“Yes!” He replies without missing a beat.
You catch your bottom lip between your teeth as you reach down to unbuckle his belt and reach into his slacks to pull out his cock. It’s warm against your fingers and long in length. With a sultry gaze, you drop to your knees and drag your tongue from the base of his cock to the pink tip.
His right hand instinctively shoots out for the back of your head to keep your mouth in place, and his breath becomes erratic as you take him between your lips. Saliva gathers and begins to drip down your chin as you bob his cock in and out of your throat. You try your hardest to take the entirety of his length, but he’s too big for you to fit him completely.
Yeosang swears he could see stars as he hits the back of your throat. He tries his best to conceal his moans and grunts so as to not alarm the rest of the lawyers walking about outside of the conference room doors. The last thing he needs is for his boss to walk in and see him face fucking you.
“F-fuck, I’m going to cum down your throat.”
Taking a deep breath you lean forward and take him deeper into your mouth, past your gag reflex and into your throat, making Yeosang cry out in pleasure.
“Fuck, ah!” he cries, trying to keep himself in line.
It only takes a few more bobs of your head before Yeosang is cumming down your throat. You try and swallow it all but it slips past your lips and slides down the side of Yeosang’s dick. Yeosang catches it with his fingers however and pushes it back into your mouth.
“Good girl,” Yeosang hums, eyes hooded as he looks down at you.
You release him with a pop and push yourself to stand again. Yeosang stands as well and pushes you backwards until your back hits the table and you double over. He uses this to his advantage and bunches up your skirt to reveal your lace underwear.
The cold surface of the wooden conference table soothes your burning skin and it’s exactly what you need in that moment when you look down at him to find him kneeling in front of you. He wraps his fingers at the sides of your panties and pushes them down your knees to take them off.
“Beautiful” he says before giving a long lick on your folds “Open your legs for me” You do as he commands and Yeosang immediately attacks your clit with his tongue. Skilfully drawing patterns on the swollen knob. Once he finds your sweet spot he inserts two fingers.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you moan out in bliss. Yeosang is eyeing you to watch your reaction, he knows how much he affects you, he can feel how you respond to his every touch and when his finger enters your core you groan so loudly, closing your eyes.
“Fuck.. If you make all those noises with only two fingers, I can’t wait to hear what sounds you’ll make with my cock in you, princess” Yeosang speeds up the pace of his fingers, “open your eyes, look at me” Your eyes search for his, he looks even more fucked out than before. “You are so wet for me.”
You whimper and nod, “it feels so good..” you try to answer
He pushes a third finger inside and you can’t help but feel full and close. “You’re so tight” he groans and he slows his pace when he feels you tighten around his fingers.
“Please...go faster” He doesn’t need to be told twice. Yeosang speeds up his pace, his fingers reaching that sweet spot once again and when he hears you moaning he muffles your sweet moans with his mouth. He takes pride in the way you shudder under his touch; Yeosang attacks your neglected clit, his mouth leaving yours to whisper profanities in your ear.
“You’re a good girl for me, aren’t you?” he groans
“Always” you hoarsely reply.
“Do you want my cock?” he asks but you can’t answer, you're consumed with pleasure. Yeosang wraps his free hand around your neck and lightly squeezes, to remind you what position you’re in, which leaves you clenching around his fingers.
“M-mm gonna cum,” you whine.
“Cum for me, princess.” He hums, the vibrations making your breath catch. Maybe it was the fact that you were craving the intimacy or maybe it was just Yeosang. Either way, your orgasm sweeps through you before you even see it coming. Your vision goes dark, eyes rolling into the back of your head with how hard it hits you.
Yeosang doesn’t stop however, he continues to guide you through it as you slowly come back down. Who cares that your legs are shaking from one of the best orgasms you’ve had in your life?
“Yeosang I need you in me.”
“Anything for you,” he states, lips hovering above yours. Pulling your body closer, until you’re sitting on the very edge of the table, Yeosang parts your legs and places your left over his shoulder. “I’ll make you cum again,” he mutters, determination clear in his voice.
You reach a hand up and brush a stray of blond hair out of his beautiful face, hypnotized by the lust in his eyes. “Fuck me,” you whisper. “I’m yours, fuck me.” Even if it was just for one night, you’ll let him claim you as his.
“Shit.”
He tentatively strokes your folds with two fingers, eyes darting back up to yours to check your response. You hiss, still a bit sensitive. “Is this okay? Are you sensitive?”
“I’m fine,” you assure, “go ahead, I’m okay.”
He nods, gathering some of your wetness and smearing it on his cock, a moan of relief leaving his swollen lips. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be buried inside of you,” he says, angling himself better and positioning his cock near your entrance.
“Please,” you whimper, biting back a cry once his length breaches your entrance. Yeosang lets out a guttural growl, slowly sinking into you and letting you adjust to his length. “Fuck, you’re so big.”
“Yeah? You like my big cock filling that little pussy of yours? Hmm?” Yeosang asks, rolling his hips torturously slow. “You were made for me, princess. Just for me.”
You shut your eyes, you know what you’re doing is wrong. You’re still married to San and Yeosang is dating Jisoo, he shouldn’t be buried within you working on drawing a second orgasm out of you. But you need the comfort and as long as Yeosong is willing to offer it you’ll be selfish and indulge yourself. You’re pulled out of your thoughts as Yeosang pulls almost all the way out, only for him to slam back in, filling you to the brim. You clench involuntarily when you feel the tip hitting your cervix, toes curling at how deep he penetrates you.
“So tight for me, princess, such a tight little pussy,” he grunts, gripping your hips like a vice, sure to leave handprints the next day. You wonder how San would feel if he saw the marks of another man on your body. Would it hurt him as much as it hurts you to picture him with Areum? Yeosang leans in to kiss you messily, pinning you down with his weight until your bodies are pressed flush against each other.
He rams into you and brings your left leg back down to pull you closer, as close as he possibly could and yet it still didn’t feel like enough.
Your legs wrap around his torso, that only prompts him to fuck harder into you, slowing the speed but keeping the same force and depth. His lips leave yours in favor of your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses along your jawline, “I’m g-gonna cum!”
You hold onto him tighter and clench around him, “me too.”
Yeosang picks up his pace and begins to piston out of you, with a few more thrusts, he sends you over the edge.
“I love you!”
You gasp as your orgasm washes over you and in shock at Yeosang’s proclamation. You don’t respond though, rather you try to catch your breath and gently push him away.
“You don’t have to say it back.” He whispers into your hair. “I know you’re still in love with San but I’m willing to wait for you. I’ve been waiting since middle school, I won’t give up now.”
He places a tender kiss on your forehead and slips out of you before tucking himself away into his slacks and helping you back into your underwear.
              ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
It’s nearly 10pm when you arrive home. After your scandalous meeting with Yeosang, you worked on wrapping up the terms and conditions of your divorce before you left his office.
You couldn’t bring yourself to go home just yet though so you drove to the nearest convenience store and bought a six pack of bear. You sat in your car and downed one can, you’ve always been more of a wine type of girl.
The alcohol was enough to keep you warm and a bit dazed. You let your mind wander back to the events that took place in Yeosang’s office and your fingers twitch when you remember how soft his hair was, you wish you could run them through his blond locks one last time.
You exit your car and sway towards the front door. You take your time with unlocking the door and don’t make the effort to silently shut the door behind you.
“Where were you?”
You chuck off your heels and toss them aside before looking up at San. “Out.”
You walk past him and enter the kitchen to find it clean with a plate of kimbap placed on your granite countertop with a few side dishes surrounding it. You hum in pleasant surprise, “is this for me?”
San enters the kitchen and nods, “I came home early and wanted to surprise you but you weren’t here.”
You shrug, “I was quite busy today.”
He crosses his arms and leans against the stainless steel fridge. “Jisoo said you seemed out of it today, do you want to talk about it?”
You shake your head. “I’m fine.” You pick up the chopsticks laid beside the pickled radish and dig into your meal. “It’s a bit bland.”
San frowns, “isn’t it the thought that counts?”
You scoff, “sure. Did you put Seongjae to sleep?”
He reaches out to place a hand on top of yours and you fight the urge to push it off. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
You hum and subtlety pull your hand out from under his. His touch no longer brings you comfort. “I am. Is Seongjae asleep?”
He sighs but doesn’t push you and places his hand into his pants pocket. “He is, he was completely wiped from soccer.”
You softly smile, “how’s Mina?”
“Mina? My secretary?”
You nod, “who else?”
San rubs the back of his head with his right hand and shrugs, “fine I guess?”
“I need to make braised beef, her son loves my recipe.” You mumble to no one in particular. “Do we even have the ingredients?”
You stand to go check and San only states at you in bewilderment. He clears his throat to try and grab your attention. “Hongjoong invited us over for dinner next week.”
“Is that so?”
He hums, “yes. The eighteenth. I said we would be there.”
You pause and bitterly smile before closing your spice cabinet. “That’s our anniversary.”
Realizing his mistake he tries to backtrack. “I can tell him we’re not free. We don’t have to g⏤”
You shake your head. “No. Let’s go, it’ll be fun.”
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June 18th, 2020, 7:00 pm
“____! It’s been too long!”
You smile widely at Hongjoong and envelope him in a hug. “It has! You’ve been quite busy.”
He scoffs and pulls away, “never too busy for my favorite dongsaeng.”
San pouts, “aish hyung. What about me?”
You bite down on your lip to keep from saying anything. Does he have no shame? He’s sleeping with this man's wife and yet talks to him as if he hasn’t committed the most evil act possible. You want to call him out but you need to have patience, everything will come to light tonight.
Hongjoong looks at your husband and smiles brightly before petting his hair. “Are you jealous? Aigoo, don’t be, you know I love you too.”
He doesn’t deserve your love. You want to say but instead you settle for, “where do you want me to put the wine?” You shake the bottle of Chardonnay for emphasis.
“I’ll take it, the cooks are working on the finishing touches of our meal. Why don’t you have a look around with the others while you wait?”
You hum, “do you mind if I look around the second floor too?”
Hongjoong looks at you puzzled and San gently hits your side, “jagi that’s rude.”
You ignore him and wait for Hongjoong’s response. “Not at all, help yourself, ____.”
You don’t wait for anything else to be said before setting off on your journey up the stairs. You catch Yeosang’s eyes on your way up.
“Why don’t you join her, San?” Hongjoong says before walking off to go entertain his other guest.
“I’ll join,” Yeosang says as he follows behind you, leaving San to scramble to catch up.
You venture off into the second floor living room and stop in front of the glass window and study the view, finding calmness in the bustling city of Seoul.
Yeosang stays behind and San zooms past him to grab your arm. “You’re being rude!” He hisses.
You giggle and turn in his arms, “what? Hongjoong said we could look around.” You pat down the lapels of his trench coat before walking around him to continue looking around.
You exit the room and find Yeosang standing in front of a showcase. “Glad to see you here.” You say as you stop beside him.
He smiles, “same to you.”
You step towards the showcase and gently caress the white vase sitting in the hollow space. “Did you bring the papers?”
He hums. “Everything is all set.”
You smile and pick up the vase just as San rounds the corner. “Good.”
“You shouldn’t touch their things, ____.” He tries to warn but you ignore him.
“It looks pretty expensive,” you turn to smirk at him, “doesn’t it?”
You fiddle with the glass and toss is up slightly. San sighs and looks away but freezes when his eyes fall upon something⏤or rather, someone.
You turn to follow his gaze and see Hongjoong come up the stairs with Areum by his side.
You huff, of course she’s managed to capture his attention. You look directly at Areum who’s staring at you with a look of hurt and anger. You smile before letting the vase roll out of your hands and fall to the ground.
The glass hits the floor hard and shatters into pieces. Hongjoong and Areum stop walking towards you and Yeosang pushes you back to protect you from the glass pieces.
“____.” San admonishes.
You gasp sarcastically, “oh no.” You pout and look at San, “it slipped and broke.”
He rolls his neck and sighs through his nose. You turn around with a small smile at your face to look at Areum, “that’s why you shouldn’t touch other people's things.”
She cocks her head to the side and scoffs, sensing somethings off, Hongjoong tisks, “aigoo, how are you still so clumsy, ____?”
You chuckle. “Sorry.”
You walk around Yeosang and push past Areum and Hongjoong to begin walking downstairs. “Is dinner ready?” You call over your shoulder as you descend the stairs.
“____!”
You look over your shoulder to see Jisoo coming your way. You stare at her boredly before continuing walking towards the dining table. You take a seat at the head and patiently wait for the others to fill the empty seats.
“____, you shouldn’t be sitting there!” San groans but Hongjoong brushes it off.
“That’s alright, leave her be. I’ll sit at the foot of the table.”
San sighs frustrated, “I’m sorry hyung. I don’t know why she’s acting like this.” He takes a seat at your left and Yeosang takes a seat at your right.
One of the maids brings out the wine you had brought and places it in front of Hongjoong, who thanks them and picks up a corkscrew to open the white wine.
The cork comes out with a smooth pop and Hongjoong sniffs the brown plug. “Wow, it has a great scent.” He begins going around the table pouring everyone a glass. “____ brought over a great bottle of wine.”
You grin, “I put a lot of thought into picking it out.”
You hold your glass out and allow him to pour you a bit. Once everyone’s glass is full he takes a seat. “A toast.” You all raise your glass. “To Hongjoong and his raise in stocks,” Areum says.
Yeosang clears his throat, “and to San and ____ who are celebrating three years of marriage today.”
Heejin’s gasps. “Congratulations!”
Hongjoong scoffs and smirks, “no wonder she’s in a mood San! You forgot your own anniversary!”
Seonghwa chuckles, “you’re in deep trouble my friend.”
The other boys join in on poking fun at San and you don’t bother to stop them or correct them, instead you turn to Areum whose glass remains untouched.
“Won’t you toast with us, Areum?”
She shakes her head, “I don’t want to.”
You purse your lips, “well then.” You lift the glass to your lips and tip it back slightly. You moan in delight, “the wine is really nice.”
You lift it back to your lips and finish it off. The chatter around the table dies out when you slam the glass back onto the table.
Jisoo cleaned her throat, “you’re acting a bit strange, ____. Are you going through a tough time?”
You pick up your napkin and lay it over your lap, you lick at your lips and hum. “I guess so, it’s been a bit tough.”
Not expecting you to answer, Jisoo blanks so Yeona speaks up. “Oh no, what could it be? You have such a perfect life.”
Hongjoong hums. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Areum scoffs and looks away. Your eyes flit over to hers and you send a sharp glare her way. “Is this fun for you?”
Mingi jumps at your harsh tone and looks between the two of you. When Areum says nothing, San steps in, “she’s under a lot of stress, excuse her behavior.” He places his hand on top of yours, “stop drinking.”
You scoff, how dare he. You pull your hand away as if you’ve been burned and silently study him for a good minute. Readying yourself for what you’re about to do.
“It’s because of my husband.” You pull your gaze away from San who looks meek under your eyes to look at everyone else. They all make it a point to avoid your gaze save for Hongjoong and Yeosang. “He’s cheating on me.”
San stills beside you and Wooyoung drops his utensils. You take pride in the way San looks as if he’s about to shit his pants. Jongho lets out a low breath and rubs his face.
You scan each of the girls faces and you feel a hatred bubble within you when they can’t meet your gaze. You pucker your lips and play with your streak knife. “I guess Hongjoong doesn’t know you’re pregnant, Areum?”
She pales as her secret comes to light. Hongjoong’s eyes snap from you to his wife, “what? You’re pregnant? B-but we haven’t- you refuse to sleep with me? That can't be possible.”
You nod and drum your fingers on the table. “That’s because your wife had an affair with my husband. The baby is San’s.”
Hongjoong feels as if he’s been shot. Tears slowly make their way into his waterline and his fingers clench and unclench in anger on the table top. “Areum,” she ignores him so he tries again, this time louder, “Areum!”
She continues to ignore him. You sigh and pick up your knife to cut into your steak, “see. She can’t deny it.”
A scream of anger and anguish rips through Areums throat as she forcefully stands from her seat and matches down the table to stop in front of you. “Are you crazy?!”
You place down your knife and put your fork that is full of steak into your mouth and chew, waiting for her to make a move. “I am. Are you happy? You got what you wanted, you managed to break apart a happy family.”
Her eyes spark with rage as she lifts a hand and lands a clean smack across your face. Your head turns completely from the force behind the hit. The room is deadly silent.
You sniff and clear your throat, choosing to not engage. You turn your head and gently touch your sore cheek. “Yeosang.”
At the mention of his name, he brandishes a manila colored folder. your stomach churns with nerves and your palms become sweaty, this is it. There’s no coming back from this. You take the folder from Yeosang and gently place it down in front of San.
“Let's get a divorce.”
The minute the words leave your mouth it feels as if a weight has been lifted off of your shoulder. All heads snap in your direction, amazed that you were willing to call it quits.
“____.” He reaches for you but hesitates, reluctant and scared for once of losing you.
“It’s her that you love and that’s okay. I’ve come to accept it.”
San adamantly shakes his head. “No, listen to me! I ended things with her. I wanted to make things right last night! I came home early and made us dinner, I dropped Seongjae off at the babysitters for a while and waited for you!” His voice cracks towards the end but he pushes on, “but you didn’t come home.”
Your heart pricks at the new information, it should make you feel better to know he chose you in the end but it doesn’t. It makes you feel like the backup option. You’ve never been his first choice.
“I slept with Yeosang.”
Jisoo gasps and turns to look at Yeosang in shock and hurt but he pays her no attention, he’s focused on you alone, waiting to step in if needed. San for a moment looks hurt but he masks his pain and quickly stands to get on his knees in front of you. “It’s what I deserve but please just don’t leave me! Think about Seonjae!”
You scoff and look at him in disgust. Tears begin to form but you refuse to let them fall. “I should think about Seonjae? I’m doing what’s best for my son! You should have thought about the repercussions before you slept with our friend!” He blinks up at you, eyes red and hands clenched, unprepared for the lit match that has just been dropped. “Sign the papers. Don’t make this any more difficult than it needs to be.”
You stand from your seat and look down at your feet. “I thought I could trust you all but instead you each betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. I want nothing to do with any of you after tonight.”
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July 17th, 2021, 5:36 pm
Endings have always been strange to you. You thought the end of your marriage to San would end in your defeat. You struggled for months once the papers were signed and everything was finalized, you thought you would be fine during the process but you were far from it once everything was over.
You found yourself depending more and more on your parents and Mina, it was a long process but now, a little over a year later you’re proud to say you’re doing fine. Your divorce was the end of your beginning, it helped you kick start the beginning of your new life.
Hongjoong found strength in your decision to leave San to do the same. A week after the disastrous dinner party he served Areum with divorce papers, they fought tooth and nail in court, Areum begged and pleaded for him to stay and give her one more chance but Hongjoong was tired of having to beg and wait for her to return his love and stood firm.
Once they parted ways she found her way back to San, you weren’t surprised. You knew he could never really leave her for you. They rented out an apartment in downtown Seoul and welcomed their baby girl Choi Yiseo last March. You sent them a basket full of baby supplies and a card wishing them best.
Mina began pushing you to attend therapy to deal with the pain that would come in waves after your divorce and you’re glad you listened. It was your therapist’s idea to send the basket, she said it would help you feel lighter. It did, you were finally able to find peace.
Once you found the new you, you were able to finally throw yourself back into work and take care of Seongjae. You made sure to pick up shorter hours and spent your days off with your son. You made him the only priority in your life, he was the most important thing to you.
Mina quit her job with San and became a constant in your life. she would often spend the night, Hanbin and Seongjae would have movie marathons in his bedroom while you and Mina sat downstairs sipping on wine and enjoying yourselves. These almost always impromptu date nights became so frequent that you asked her to move in with you...and she did.
You were the first person she called when she got asked out on her first date since her divorce. You pushed her to go for it and helped her get ready, you watched the kids while she went out with Kim Dawon, the rich lawyer who worked at Yeosang’s firm.
The date ended up being a success and they began dating. It was then that Mina pushed you to attempt a relationship with Yeosang again. After your divorce, it didn’t feel right to throw yourself into a relationship with the man you cheated on your then husband with, you cleared the air with Jisoo and apologized because regardless of how she hurt you, sleeping with Yeosang was a shitty move on your half.
You told Yeosang your thoughts and asked him to give you the time you needed to cope and decide. He did, he didn’t put up much of a fight and gave you all the time and space you needed. But within the time apart you decided attempting a relationship with him simply wasn’t possible. He’s a part of your past and you want to escape that, being with him would only hinder you from becoming the person you’ve been searching so hard for.
While you appreciated Mina’s attempts to get you back in the dating scene, you were sure Yeosang was not the one for you.
A month later, you booked a flight to Jeju. It was supposed to be a short getaway with Mina and the kids to enjoy the start of their summer vacation but it ended in a whirlwind romance for you.
While you were at the beach you ran into- quite literally ran into a handsome stranger. He had shaggy dark down hair that covered his eyes and a slim body build. You apologized profusely after running into him and effectively ruining his ongoing volleyball match. He laughed it off and asked if you wanted to join.
You were ready to say no but Mina stepped in and offered you up on a silver plate. You played one match, you were never all that good at volleyball and your team eventually lost. The beautiful man, whom you would later learn is named Taehyung just smiled and congratulated you for doing your best before asking for your number.
You wanted to give it to him but you were afraid of what he would think once he learned you're a divorced single mother who lives with her best friend and child. You didn’t hide it however, you were upfront and he didn’t mind in the slightest.
Which brings you to now, the present. Exactly a year and a month after your divorce. You’re standing on the bow of your family's yacht with a glass of champagne in your hands with Taehyung’s arms wrapped snugly around your waist. Seongjae and Hanbin are playing pirates near the stern of the boat while Mina is on the lower deck with Dawon.
You lean your head against Taehyung’s sturdy chest and hum in delight. This year that has come to pass has been filled with many ups and downs, it taught you to be strong and have courage in all situations. I left you with a few scars but nothing you can’t handle
You’ve become more comfortable with yourself and left behind all the toxicity that was once your life and the universe rewarded you with a loving boyfriend who not only supports and cares about you, but also loves your son with his whole heart and does all that he can for your little family.
Had anyone told you a year ago this is where you would be, you would have laughed and moved on with your life but you can’t help but be content and happy with the life you live now. Everything has finally fallen into place for you.
“Marry me.”
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⏤  𝑎/𝑛: this was supposed to be a whole hour ago...my last class ended up running late :( but I hope you guys liked it!!
864 notes · View notes
katsushimaa · a year ago
Note
dAMN everyone's fAST todoroki on 4??
“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
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—you and Todoroki used to be close in highschool, but everything changed once he became a famous pro hero and you have no idea why
read part two here
word count: 2,647
A/N: ummm i didn’t expect this to be so sad but yes prepare for some angst brought to you by yours truly akdnskd
check out my other works on this dialogue prompt list!
*~*~*~*~*
If there’s anything in the world you can wish for, it’s for you to be able to come back to your high school years. 
Those were the days you didn’t have to worry about anything but grades, the days where you didn’t have a single ounce of responsibility. You could just laugh with your friends the whole day and do whatever you wanted without facing harsh consequences. 
And of course, you were in high school when you became close friends with the great pro hero Todoroki Shouto.
It’s funny how you guys became friends. Todoroki was your seatmate, and because of that, you’d constantly ask him about the lessons in the class. You have a short attention span, so you usually wouldn’t get the topic because you wouldn’t be paying attention. He used to scold you a lot, but in the end, he’d lend you his notes and explain to you the lessons.
The night before tests, you’d call him up to force him to teach you. Honestly, you didn’t even have to beg you, he would teach you in a heartbeat. The nights seem a little less lonelier with the two of you calling each other, making up stupid acronyms to remember the lessons.
“What am I gonna do with you?” he shook his head through the video call, but a smile was playing on his lips. 
You made up an incredibly funny acronym to help you remember what he taught you, and he just couldn’t believe how you turned something so serious lighthearted. 
“Bear with me,” you told him as a joke, but jokes are half meant. “Always be there for me to teach me, that’s what you’ll do with me.”
Through the video call, his heterochromatic eyes shined with a promise. “No problem. I’ll always be here to tell you your jokes don’t make sense.”
Even though you gasped from being offended, your heart raced at the promise that he’d always be there for you.
Todoroki lied. After graduating high school, he became famous and went straight to the top of the ranks, leaving you, his seatmate, behind. As he becomes more successful, you notice how he becomes less like the guy you used to be friends with in high school. Gone was the sweet boy who used to smile at you encouragingly, replaced with a stoic man who rarely ever showed vulnerability. You never see him personally, but when you see him in the news, you hate how he’s bursting with arrogance. 
If he’s just going to be like that, you don’t want anything to do with him anymore. At first you still tried to bombard him messages, but he never even looked at any of them. You tried to visit him at his place, but his people keep saying that he’s not home even though you could clearly see the lights were on. After months of trying, you finally cut him off.
Cutting him off means never wanting to see him again, so when Midoriya, the number one hero and the head of the agency of you’re working for, tells you that you have to work with Todoroki for a special mission, you nearly scream at your boss.
“Are you alright, Y/N?” Midoriya asks in concern. Even though he’s your boss, you guys treat each other like the friends you two are. “I figured you’d be happy with this arrangement since you and Shouto were close friends during our high school years.”
“I-I’m fine,” you wave off with an uneasy smile. “It’s just, I haven’t talked to him ever since we graduated.” 
Midoriya smiles sadly. “I noticed, but don’t you think this is a perfect opportunity to rekindle your friendship with him? I’m sure he misses you.”
Your ears perk up. “Did he say that?”
His face reddens as he waves his hand around. “N-No, but—”
With your shoulders sagging, you sigh. “Izuku, he doesn’t care about me anymore.”
“Don’t say that! You two were so cute back then,” he frowns because he knows how happy you made Todoroki. “Besides, no one else wants to work with him. You know how he’s a little bit...ah, I don’t know how to put it in words.”
“Arrogant? Stoic? Heartless?” you fill in for him bitterly, scoffing to yourself. “I totally understand why they won’t work with him.”
“Just please work with him?” Midoriya pleads, his eyes widening like a little puppy’s. “If you don’t wanna rekindle your old friendship, it’s fine, but working with him is for the company.”
A sigh escapes your lips as you rub your temples. You hate how you can’t turn your back from the agency, for your boss and your friend Midoriya. “Fine,” you agree, causing his green eyes to instantly sparkle. “You’re going to treat me food for this.”
“I’ll treat you anything you want!” he exclaims a little bit too happily, causing you to narrow your eyes at him. Midoriya starts to walk you out of the agency, and you hastily follow him as he beams. “You know where his agency is, right? Head over there right now so you guys can discuss the mission.”
Your eyes bulge out of their sockets. “You want me to go there right now?”
“Of course! Here in my agency, we work diligently,” he grins, gently pushing you in the company’s car. He slams the door shut before you can tell him that he procrastinates a lot, how dare he tell you that? You roll down the window to tell him off, but the driver speeds away.
“Work hard, Y/N!” Midoriya yells as a goodbye.
Huffing to yourself for not being able to fight for this, you sit back to your chair with your arms crossed. You’re beginning to think that Midoriya could’ve sent anyone else in the agency, but because he knows of your history with the red and white haired boy, he pushed to send you. 
You tell yourself you hate the whole situation, yet why is your heart racing in excitement to see your old friend? Why are you thinking of all the times Todoroki made your flutter, all the times he made you smile and laugh? 
Why do you still think of him even though he never gives you the time of day?
“Five years from now, what do you want to do?” you whispered to him randomly during class.
Todoroki barely glanced at you. “Listen to the teacher.”
“But I’d rather listen to you talk about the future,” you pouted. “Just answer my question.”
It took him a moment to answer. “I’ll be one of the greatest pro heroes. I’ll leave a better legacy than my father’s.”
You let out a low whistle. “Wow, that’s ambiguous of you.”
Todoroki finally looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Why? What do you want to be?”
“A stripper.”
The serious look on your face caused Todoroki to chuckle silently even though he didn’t want to. You cracked into a smile to see him laugh at you because you always loved seeing his eyes crinkle in happiness.
“Okay, no, I just want to be financially stable,” you redeemed yourself. “I want to be able to do what I want without money holding me back.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“Maybe I’ll turn to you in five years when I’m broke,” you joked, but then again, jokes are half-meant. “You’re aiming to be a pro hero anyway, you’ll be loaded.”
“I doubt you’ll be broke, you’re a smart girl,” Todoroki complimented you, and that simple statement made you want to cry out in joy. “But if ever you don’t know what to do with your life anymore, you can come to my agency.”
“Oh? You think we’d still be friends in five years?”
Todoroki furrowed his eyebrows, like he was confused why you’d think otherwise. “I might not always say this, but you mean a lot to me, Y/N. Of course I still want you in my life in five years, ten years, fifteen years, and all the years.”
There. That sudden flashback is the reason why you’re still thinking of Todoroki. Because he promised he’d be there for you, because he said you’d be with him forever.
Where is he now?
“Are you alright, miss?” the driver asks, and you realize that the car has been parked for a while now. Quickly, you dab your tears away with your polo shirt before nodding at him. 
“Yeah, sorry,” you open the car door and straighten yourself. “Wish me luck.”
One of his workers greets you at the entrance to lead you to Todoroki’s office. As she guides you, you look around his big agency. Your chest can’t help but swell with pride as your eyes dance around the building because this was his dream that he used to talk about all the time. 
Todoroki achieved his dream, and even though you’re not in it, you’re still proud of his success.
You rub your clammy hands against your pencil skirt as the worker raps on Todoroki’s door. 
“Come in.”
Just hearing his voice so up close and personal is enough to make your knees wobble. Nevertheless, you stand tall as the worker opens the door and leads you inside.
Todoroki doesn’t even look up from his computer, which is fine by you because at least you can take a good look at him. He’s wearing his hero costume, and as much as you hate to admit it, he looks absolutely gorgeous in it. Nothing really changed except his face is more mature and he’s more bulkier from years of training. 
“Your help from Deku’s agency is here, sir.” The worker informs him before excusing herself, shutting the door behind her.
Finally, Todoroki looks up. The wind gets knocked out of his chest when his different-colored eyes meet yours.
All the feelings he tried so hard to suppress resurfaces just at the sight of you standing before him. You’re just wearing a simple office outfit, but he can’t help but admire how much you’ve matured since high school. 
“Long time no see, Todoroki,” you say with a hint of bitterness. “Missed me?”
He feels a pang on his chest by the way you called him by his last name. “I thought I asked for Iida.”
Internally, you curse at Midoriya for lying to you. You didn’t even think the sensitive guy had it in him to lie! “He’s currently unavailable, so Izuku sent me instead.”
Another pang in his chest hits him from you calling your own boss by his first name. “I see,” he purses his lips, his eyes roaming on your body.
“What exactly are you seeing?” you demand, crossing your arms. 
His demeanor remains cold. “I’m seeing that you came here for a mission wearing work clothes.”
“Oh,” your whole body burns in embarrassment. “Excuse me, then.”
Without waiting for a response, you head out of your room. As you call Midoriya to scold him for lying to you and sending you here without letting you prepare, Todoroki lets out a breath he’s been holding in.
It’s like he’s in high school again, breathless from the mere sight of you. He rubs his hands on his face, recollecting himself. Seeing you again really threw him off, especially since he worked so hard to forget you.
Even though he always failed.
It’s hard to forget a first love, anyway.
His eyes glaze over to the picture frame on his table. At first glance, it’s just the entirety of class 1-A, but that’s not what it is for Todoroki. It’s you slinging your arm around his neck in the picture, your cheek pressed against his as you smiled at the camera. In the photograph, Todoroki was smiling as well though not at the camera but at you. 
He picks up the picture frame to caress you on the picture, and that’s exactly when you barge back into his office with your hero suit on.
“Sorry, technical difficulties,” you apologize as the picture frame clatters to the ground. You’re curious about what it is, so you rush to pick it up. You gasp at the realization that it’s your class picture. 
“Give it back.” Todoroki demands, standing up from his seat.
“You still care about us after all,” you ignore him, smiling at the old picture. “You pushed everyone after graduation, only hitting them up for hero things. We thought—”
“That’s just for press, they were here the other day for an interview,” he cuts you off with a lie, walking towards you. You hug the picture to your chest. “It’s about U.A., so my crew told me to bring this out to make me look more empathetic.”
“What, are we just for a publicity stunt now?” you demand, your heart beating faster and faster. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t miss being actual friends with us, with me.”
If someone asked Todoroki what’s the hardest thing he ever had to do, he’d say the moment he looked into your eyes and said, “I don’t miss it at all.”
It’s a lie. Everything is a lie. He wishes nothing more than to go back to high school, to have you so close to him, to have you call him again in the middle of the night just to say you’re bored. He wants you to tell him all about your day, to beg him to listen to you even though he’s been listening the whole time.
But he never wants his heart to break because of you again. You promised that you’d be with him forever, so why did you easily accept Midoriya’s request to be in his agency? The night Midoriya asked you was the night Todoroki was about to offer you to be the co-owner of the agency he’s going to establish, the night he was going to ask you to date him so that you guys can be the king and queen of your own company.
But he saw you hug Midoriya after his offer to you, your eyes brimming with happiness. Did you forget about your promise of coming to me in the future? Todoroki thought as he ran away from everyone. Am I not a good enough hero for you to choose me?
Insecurity and heartbreak haunted him, and after months of mulling over your betrayal that you weren’t even aware of, he rose back from his sadness and decided to forget about you. He built his own agency without anyone’s help, not wanting to feel so powerless anymore.
“You changed,” you whisper, your voice breaking. You’ve known this for a while already, but it’s different now that you’re in front of him. “I don’t even know you anymore.”
It takes all of him to swallow the bubble forming in his throat. “Everyone changes, Y/N,” he tries his best to say it in a steady voice. “You just have to accept that fact.”
With that, he brushes past you. “I’ll get the meeting room ready. We’ll discuss the mission with the other heroes I’ve gathered.”
He hears you break into a sob after he leaves his office. Once the door closes, he leans back against the wall by you, his own tears flowing out of his eyes. Seeing you brought back all the precious memories the two of you had together. It breaks his heart for him to remember all that, knowing that he can’t jump back into the past to ruffle your hair again, to have you in his arms. 
You’re wrong, he thinks as he wipes his tears away. You know me better than anyone else, you just don’t know that you broke my heart.
Todoroki gathers himself and walks away, leaving the ghost of his old self to comfort you in his office as you break down from getting hurt by the boy you thought you knew.
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dreams-of-my-childhood · 6 months ago
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Undergraduate / Teacher!Reigen Arataka x Student!Reader
Is it weird to have a crush on your teacher?
About 113,000,000 results (0.54 seconds)
It is definitely normal to have crushes on teachers. ... If you're having the urge to act on your crush or to let your teacher know, then that can be a problem. As you know, a relationship between you and your teacher is not possible. It is, in fact, illegal, for very good reasons. Jan 14, 2014 RANDOMWEBSITE.COM
You sighed and rolled over, throwing your phone aside. You placed your hands over your face to muffle a groan. What were you even thinking? You and your teacher, Mr. Reigen? Absolutely not.
With another exasperated sigh, you threw your limbs out to spread yourself across your bed. It was currently 8:15 AM, leaving you with around half an hour to get out of bed and walk to school.
Or...
Maybe you could pretend to be sick and stay home today?
Oh hell, what was the point? You had already gotten dressed into your uniform and had a shower. You might as well just try to slug through the seven hours of school. It was Friday after all, tomorrow you’d have the day off to stop thinking about school and your strangely handsome teacher.
You sat up with a slow exhale and slipped off your bed with jelly legs that almost made you fall right back onto the blanketed mattress. You wearily walked out of your room and packed your school supplies, readying yourself to leave.
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“Hey!” You yelped, being shoved aside by a couple of bulky teenagers. Their actions squashed you into the cold locker wall. They pushed past your form continued marching down the school hallway without turning around and apologising. What jerks. You picked yourself back up and fixed your uniform with a scowl. Some people can be so inconsiderate sometimes.
You brushed off the rocky start to school and put your things away in your locker. Your first subject of the day was Japanese literature, it wasn’t a bad subject but the teacher would usually ramble on and on about his early days of writing. It was so boring.
Throughout the first four periods of school, you did some work, chatted with some friends, procrastinated, etcetera etcetera. It was a pretty mundane school day. But now that it was lunch, you were dreading the bell to ring.
“Hey (Y/N), we have class with Mr Reigen period five and six.” 
“Yeah, thanks for the reminder.” You shyly responded while rubbing the side of your arm as a way to comfort yourself. What you really wanted to say was; ‘Ugh, thanks for reminding me that I’m not going to get any work done for the rest of the day!’ You silently huffed and continued to eat out of your bento box, not paying attention to what any of your friends were chatting about. After all, you were too busy daydreaming about your 27-year old crush.
As the bell went, you visibly tensed up and your heart skipped a beat causing a shiver to run down your spine. You placed a hand over your chest and slumped with a sigh. None of your classmates really took notice of this mini breakdown, they just assumed you hated having classes with Mr Reigen for some reason.
“C’mon (Y/N), let’s go.”
You nodded and followed behind your fellow classmates.
“Alright everyone settle down,” you shivered at Reigen’s voice echoing through the classroom. “We’re going to be doing some theory work today, I know- boring but we’ll get it done.” The honey haired teacher grabbed a stack of papers from his desk, and begun to hand them around.
“Ugh how boring.” Someone mumbled.
Once Reigen came to your desk, he seemed to hesitate for a moment. “Here you are.” He mumbled, slipping the sheet in front of you.
“Thank you, sir.” You smiled nervously. You started down at the sheet and tried to take in the work you’d be doing for the next period, but your eyes wandered to Reigen as he continued to hand out the papers to the rest of the class. This unrequited crush was eating you alive, you were checking your teacher out for Christ’s sake.
“Alright everyone, let’s get started. So first of all...”
You wrote your name at the top of the sheet and then sat back in your chair, your pencil tip still tapping your sheet.
Maybe you should drop this class...
The fact you were pretty much in love with your teacher had really affected your grades. You’d be too shy to ask him a question or to get something wrong you wouldn’t want him thinking you were stupid or anything! All and all this class just made you feel so much pressure more then it should’ve. You were even too shy to make eye contact with him if he was doing a lecture.
As your mind wandered to different possibilities to avoid failing this subject, thing began to get off track. What if you were to tell Reigen how you felt? What would it be like?
‘Mr Reigen... I- have feelings for you!” You would shout, with red cheeks and eyes shut tightly.
“Oh my sweet little gakusei, come here. Let your sensei take care of you~” he’d welcome you with open arms, and a suggestive tone.
You immediately sat upright. What the hell? God, your mind could wander.
In the end you decided that dropping the class would do you some good. There was no point in continuing something that messed with your feelings too much. School was enough pressure as it was, romantic feelings thrown on top of school stress just didn’t make sense.
“Mr Reigen, I’ve decided that I’m going to drop this class.” You avoided his eyes and tightened the hold onto your school books. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the subject, I just- find it hard to concentrate.” You showed him your blank sheet of paper.
Reigen took the paper with a furrowed brow and a frown. “Is there anything I can do to keep you more engaged?” He questioned.
“No.” You shook your head. “You’re a great teacher, it’s just, well- in some ways you’re too great.” You mentally cringed at your explanation.
“I don’t really get it, if you love the subject and my teaching is fine, then what’s the problem?”
“You.. are.” You said through gritted teeth. Jeez. “Look I- this is really hard to admit but I find you well uhm... very uh- attractive.” You cringed. “And therefore I believe it’s inappropriate to continue this class.”
“I uh- well” he cleared his throat. “I think that’s very.. smart of you.” He nodded, and fixed his tie nervously. “Thank you for informing me about your.. ehem, anyway.” He avoided eye contact with you, as if he was trying to hide his visibly red cheeks and uncomposed demener. “Let me know when you’re enrolled in a new subject, perhaps after that we can talk more.. freely- without the restrictions of a teacher student relationship.” He shifted in his seat.
“Oh.” You picked up his ‘subtle’ hint, and it struck you through the heart. “Oh my God, uhh for sure.” You nodded, baffled at Reigen’s response.
“Great, I’ll uh... see you around then?” 
“Yes! yes, for sure.”
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nim-lock · 9 months ago
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Art Career Tips, 2021 Edition
Here’s an edited version of my 2019 answered ask, because... this feels relevant. 
It is a problem of capitalism that folks equate their income as a judgement of their value as people; and let me preface. You are worth so much. You have inherent value in this world. Your income is not a judgement on who you are (plenty of billionaires are actively making the world worse). LARPing self-confidence will go a long way to helping you get paid more for your work, because clients will believe that you know what you are doing, and are a professional. 
& real quick—my own background is that I’ve been living off my art since 2018. I went to art school (Pratt Institute). I work in a publishing/educational materials sphere, and a quarter of my income is my shop. Not all of this information may apply to you, so it is up to you to look through everything with a critical eye, and spot pick what is relevant. 
So there are multiple ways of getting income as an artist; 
Working freelance or full-time on projects
Selling your stuff on a shop
Licensing (charging other companies to use your designs)
This post primarily covers the freelance part; if you’re interested in the other bits there is absolutely info out there on the internet. 
IF you are just starting (skip to next section if not applicable) dream big, draw often (practice helps you get better/more efficient), do your best to take "a bad piece” lightly. You’re gonna RNG this shit. At some point your rate of “good” works will get higher. Watch tutorial videos & read books. A base understanding of “the rules”; anatomy, perspective, composition, color helps you know what the rules are to break them. This adds sophistication to your work. One way you can learn this stuff is by doing “studies”—you’re picking apart things from life, or things other people have done, to see what works, and how it works. 
Trying to turn your interests into a viable career means that you are now a SMALL BUSINESS; it really helps to learn some basic marketing, graphic design, figure out how to write polite customer service emails; etc. You can learn some of this by looking it up, or taking skillshare (not sponsored) classes by qualified folks. Eventually some people may get agents to take care of this for them—however, I do recommend y’all get a basic understanding of what it takes to do it on your own, just so you can know if your agent is doing a good job. 
Making sure your portfolio fits the work you want to get
Here is a beginner portfolio post. 
Research the field you’d like to get into. The amount people work, the time commitment, the process of making the thing, the companies & people who work for them. 
Create work that could fit in to the industry you’re breaking into. For example, if you want to do book cover illustration, you draw a bunch of mockup book covers, that can either be stuff you make up, or redesigns of existing books. If you’re not 100% sure what sort of work is needed for the industry, loop back into the portfolios of artists in a similar line of work as whatever you’re interested in, and analyze the things they have in common. If something looks to be a common project (like a sequence of action images for storyboard artists), then it’s probably something useful for the job. 
CLIENTS HIRE BASED ON HOW WELL THEY THINK YOUR WORK FITS WHAT THEY WANT. If they’re hiring for picture books, they’re gonna want to see picture book art in your portfolio, otherwise they may not want to risk hiring you. Doesn’t have to be 100% the project, but stuff similar enough. If you aren’t hired, it doesn’t mean your work is bad, it just wasn’t the right fit for that specific client. 
If you have many interests, make a different section of your portfolio for each!
Making sure you’re relevant 
Have a social media that’s a little more public-facing, and follow people in the career field you’re interested in. Fellow artists, art directors, editors, social media managers; whoever. Post on your own schedule. 
Interact with their posts every so often, in a non-creepy way. 
If you’ve made any contacts, great! Email these artists, art directors, editors, former professors, etc occasional updates on your work to stay in touch AND make sure that they think about you every so often.
Show up to general art events every once in a while! If you keep showing up to ones in your area (when... not dying from a sneeze is a thing), folks will eventually start to remember you. 
Industry events & conferences can be pricey, so attend/save up for what makes sense for you. Industry meetups are important for networking in person! In addition to meeting people with hiring power, you also connect with your peers in the community. Always bring a portfolio & hand out business cards like candy. 
Active job hunting
Apply to job postings online.
If interested in working with specific people at specific companies, you could send an email “I’d love to work with you, here’s my portfolio/relevant experience”, even if they aren’t actively looking for new hires. Be concise, and include a link to your work AND attached images so the person reading the email can get a quick preview before clicking for more. 
Twitter job postings can be pretty underpaid! Get a copy of the Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines to know your rate. I once had a twitter post job listing email me back saying that other illustrators were charging less, and I quote, “primarily because they’re less experienced and looking for their first commission”. This was not okay! For reference, this was a 64-illustration book. The industry rate of a children’s book (~36 pages) is $10k+, and this company’s budget was apparently $1k. For all of it. 
Congrats you got a job! Now what?
Ask for like, 10% more than they initially offer and see if they say yes. If they do, great! If not, and the price is still OK, great! Often company budgets are slightly higher than they first tell you, and if you get this extra secret money, all the better for you. 
Make sure you sign a contract and the terms aren’t terrible (re: GO GET THE  Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines) 
Be pleasant and easy to work with (Think ‘do no harm but take no shit’)
Communicate with them as much as needed! If something’s going to be late, tell them as soon as you know so they aren’t left wondering or worse, reaching out to ask what’s up. 
And if all goes well, they’ll contact you about more jobs down the line, or refer you to other folks who may need an artist, etc. 
Quick note about online shops/licensing and why they’re so good
It’s work that you do once, that you continuously make money off of. Different products do well in different situations (conventions vs. online, and then further, based on how you market/the specific groups you are marketing to), so products that may not do well initially may get a surge later on. 
Start with things that have low minimum order quantity and are relatively cheap to produce, like prints and stickers. 
If you are not breaking even, go back to some of the earlier portions of this and think about how you could tweak things as a small business. Ease of access is also very important with this; for example, if you only take orders through direct messages, that immediately shuts off all customers who don’t like talking to strangers. 
Quick resource that you could look through; it’s the spreadsheet of project organizing that I made a while back 
Licensing is when people pay you for the right to use your work on stuff they need to make, like textbooks or greeting cards. This is generally work you’ve already made that they are paying the right to use for a specified time or limited run of products. This is great because you’ve already done the work. I am not the expert on this. Go find someone else’s info.
“I am not physically capable of working much”/ “I need to pay the bills”
Guess who got a hand injury Sept 2020 that messed me up that entire month! I had a couple jobs going at the time that I was terrified of losing, but they were quite understanding when I told them I needed to heal. So:  Express your needs as early as you know you need them. Also do lots of stretches and rest your hands whenever you feel anything off; this will save your health later. Like, the potential of a couple months of no income was preferable over losing use of my hands for the rest of my life.
This continues to apply if you have any other life situation. Ask for extra time. Ask for clarification. If you tell people ahead of time, folks are often quite understanding. Know how much you are capable of working and do your best not to overdo it. (I am.. bad at this)
Do what MAKES SENSE for your situation. If doing art currently earns you less money than organizing spreadsheets, then do that for now, and whenever you have the energy, break down some of the tips above into actionable tiny chunks, and slowly work at em. 
The original ask I got in 2019 mentioned ‘knowing you’re not good enough yet’. Most artists experience imposter syndrome & self-doubt—the important thing is to do your best, and if anything, attempt to channel the confidence of a mediocre white man. If he can apply to this job/charge hella money for Not Much, then so can you! 
Check out this Art Director tumblr for more advice!
Danichuatico’s Literary Agent guide
Kikidoodle’s Shop Shipping Tutorial
Best of luck!
Once again disclaimer this post is just the ramblings of a man procrastinating on other things that need to be done. I’ve Long Posted my own post so that it turns into mush in my brain if I try to read it, but I wrote this so I should know this content. If you got down here, congrats. Here’s a shrimp drawing.
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Yee Ha. 
My reference post tag My tip jar
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umbrae-in-nive · 7 months ago
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Where Are You? (loki x reader)
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(not my gif)
***
pairing: loki x reader
word count: 4813 (it’s a oneshot lol)
warnings: angst, loki being gone but then there’s fluff and everything’s okay:)
A/N: yooo what’s good my dudes. i posted this fic on my old tumblr before i deleted it, so this is essentially a re-upload. but i hope you like it all the same. based on the songs “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong and “I Miss You” by blink-182. also this is unedited so pls ignore any grammatical errors thank youu
***
“Where are you?”
I wish this could end. It’s been too long. Way too long.
“I can’t sleep,” I say to the window, which gives me a lonely view of the snow falling delicately against the ground. “I can’t even dream tonight.” My fingers graze the glass, icy to the touch from the frigid weather outside. The nighttime always brings the worst of the winter storms. “I don’t want to, though, because I know I’ll see you, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that.”
I hate this. I hate being so dependent on someone else like this. What happened to me? I know I’ve changed. I can see it in the way people treat me. I can see the same darkened tint in their eyes, the sadness they regard me with. They speak to me as if I were a porcelain doll at risk of shattering. And I can feel it too, in my bones, which feel like lead every time I take a step. In the way I try to draw my smile wider than my mouth, hoping and praying that this will all end soon. In the way the light from my voice has faded, in such a way that it feels like a chore even to open my mouth to speak. I feel cold all the time, without him. Usually he is the cold one, like the physical embodiment of the snow. Tall and towering, with icy blue skin and ruby red eyes, and a demeanor like the ice that stretches over the pond outside. But during these cold months, he finds a way to melt his heart for me. Only for me.
It wasn’t until him that I realized my own self worth, how much I can impact another person. 
Oh, god, what has happened to me? I never used to be this dependent on anyone else. It had been me, just me, for as long as I could remember. I became my own best friend, my only companion, my only source of light, because I am the only one who is going to be with myself for my entire life. Not anyone else, not Tony, not Nat, and surely not him. Right? 
He should have been back by now. Hell, he should’ve been back months ago.
If I mattered to him, he would’ve come back. He would've fought with every last cell in his body to get back to me, if his words were true.
What has happened to me? I expect the truth from the author of lies himself? From the man with the gleaming silvertongue? I have grown feeble, being with him. I seem to have forgotten who I am.
For a while, I thought this to be a good thing because spending time with him made me realize it’s okay to let your guard down once in a while. It’s okay to open up to people, to trust people once in a while. I trusted—no, I trust— him, I do. When we had danced that quiet night by the fire, his hand against my back, his voice low in my ear, I trusted him. When he whispered to me his plans and told me not to worry, I trusted him. When he kissed me and promised he would be back when he resolved it all, I trusted him.  
But where is he now? Perhaps he is staring out a window too, wherever he is, and thinking about the snow. And how I always used to call him snowflake, because it just seemed so right.
“ … and when we used to play outside whenever it snowed…” 
I find myself speaking out into the night, hoping that he is listening. Somewhere. But for now, the silence is my audience. 
“I used to throw snowballs at you, and you used to get upset because it ruined your hair. But I knew you liked it, deep inside.” The bright snow traces the darkness of the night sky, sprinkling the ground with pillows of soft, chilling ice. “And I made hot chocolate for us, and you always took yours with three marshmallows exactly. You used to pester me when I only gave you two…”
The stars flicker nostalgically, winking in the bitter black sky like an apology. 
“I remember when you told me that you loved me.” A smile grows on my face, and a soft memory gives me a twitch of comfort in the pulsing silence. “I had never seen you so worked up before. You were blushing too, and you even bought me my favorite flowers. I was impressed, because I had never told you what my favorite flowers were.”
A tear traces my cheek, and then another, and maybe another more, though I don’t acknowledge it. The window is sprinkled with flakes of white, and the city lights flicker uneasily, unfamiliar with the sudden cold temperatures. He used to love the cold. It’s where he felt most alive, most safe. Any chance the forecast predicted a noticeable drop in temperature, we were outside, walking, talking, (maybe a little kissing.) Exploring. Feeling. Living. 
“God, Loki, I miss you so much.”
Saying it aloud gave it a sort of finality that brought on a rush of satisfaction, like when you finally tell someone a secret you’ve been keeping for a while. I don’t know if he can hear it. Perhaps he’s not even listening, or thinking about me right now. Maybe he’s fighting, or sleeping, or maybe he’s enjoying the icy weather and wishing he was here with me. I don’t know. Maybe he’s with somebody else.
I let my finger slide down the window glass a last time, soaking in the rest of the memories to hold tight. And then I shut the curtains swiftly, blocking out everything else that’s left. 
My bedroom is still unnervingly empty. I thought the strangeness would go away once he’d been gone for a while, but it’s stubborn. It lingers in this room, this bed. In the little intricate designs decorated the snowflakes falling outside. 
In time, he had said to me, low and charming and sorrowful. I will see you again.
“ … and I’m so sorry. I haven’t slept, I haven’t dreamt at all. I wish there was a way that I could see you. Just to hear your voice and stop this aching in my chest. I miss you, y/n. And I’m sorry.”
He supposes he should write you a letter, tell you what’s been going on. He knows he’s been procrastinating it, because there’s a certain finality that admitting the truth will bring, and he can’t bear to have that truth finally become a reality. 
Three months, he had said. Three months, and it will all be over. I’ll be back to you, and we can do whatever you want. He had raised his brows suggestively at this, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. It wasn’t because he wanted to be funny. He just couldn’t bear to see the look of defeat on your face, etched in the perfect shape of your lips and taking all the glow from your captivating eyes. He had held your gaze for as long as possible, you two not saying anything, but coming to an agreement silently. I will be back. I will come home alive. And most of all, I love you.
He had lost track of how many months he had been gone. It was well past three, and he knows he should have contacted you at some point, even in secret, if he had to. But there was too much at risk. The last thing he wanted to do was harm you in any way. If they realized who he was contacting, you would be in trouble. 
I owe you that, at least. To keep you safe while I’m away. 
It’s snowing outside, and he has never felt more isolated in his entire life. Thor and Valkyrie and Sif and a few other warriors are here, suited up, waiting for the next orders from Odin. The jail cell is nothing that he hadn’t even been in before, though perhaps a little less cold. Upstairs there was a gallant feast being held in a dining hall with a blazing fireplace and enough good food to satisfy three Thors. The heat had traveled down through the vents, spilling small wafts of delicious cooked food and sanguine laughter. The little window near Loki is festooned with cobwebs that haven’t seen the light of day in years, but it is possible to see through it outside; and it is a magical sight.
He hopes that the sight of freshly fallen snow on the ground will cheer him up, make him remember the times he had with you: all the times he couldn’t take his eyes off you because you just looked so radiant, or when you and him had laughed so hard you could barely breathe. Or that time, that one, small, glorious moment when he told you he loved you and brought you gifts and could feel the violent thumping of his heart in his chest. How your face glowed with adoration and all the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulders. 
He would give anything to relive that moment with you again. 
“Brother.”
Loki snaps to attention, tearing his gaze from the musty window and the delicate falling snow. 
Thor and the rest of the group are staring at him, and it takes him a moment to realize that his eyes are stinging, and oh god is that a tear?
He sniffs with unconvincing annoyance. “Yes?”
“Are you… alright?” Thor, with his short hair greasy and beard wild, regards him with a look of concern.
Loki turns away fully from the window, leaning against the icy stone wall, and tries desperately to suck up that godforsaken tear dribbling down his cheek. “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” 
“I just assumed, what with being apart from y/n for so lon--”
Loki’s face hardens, identical to the wall he’s leaning against. “Yes?”
He feels Sif studying him in the silence that follows, and he begins pacing from embarrassment, keeping his head down to study the floor. Thor and Valkyrie exchange glances, and Volstagg whispers something to Fandral. It is unusual for them to see Loki in such a state of anxiety. The hostility, they are used to, but Loki is never worried. 
“Suppose the weather’s gotten to his head?” Valkyrie suggests to a contemplative Thor.
“Well, it’s certainly not helping,” he replies, but before he can interrogate Loki any further, the cell door slams open with a boisterous clang.
 A ragged guard stands in the doorway, face flushed from the wine that was certainly being served in the great hall upstairs. “The king requests your presence,” he states in a slurred, raspy voice. “Follow me.”
Loki can’t focus. He trips on at least five stairs going up, his mind clearly elsewhere. The other warriors have not forgotten about this strange behavior, but they decide to keep their minds toward the goal at hand: to make peace and hopefully, not get killed.
The palace is too bright for Loki’s eyes, and he squints harshly when he enters the blazing dining hall. The golden goblets gleam greedily at him, the fire crackling in such a way that makes him remember when you and him used to cuddle by the fireplace on chilly nights like these. He always felt a bit too warm, but he never said anything. The placid expression on your face was satisfying enough for him.
The fire glows mockingly. 
Loki makes a truce with himself, and to you, though he knows you can’t hear it.
I’m coming home. Even if it may kill me, I’m coming home to you.
It seems to be getting harder for me to remember his voice, which scares me so much that I give up all hopes of sleeping and begin pacing around the room. It’s way too dark to be awake now, the type of darkness that seems so thick and suffocating that the only option is to go back to sleep and get away from it. But I’m escaping from the possibility of dreaming, trying to prolong the time when I’ll see his face again, even if it’s just in my sleep.
I know that the moment I feel him so close to me is the moment I will break. It’s only when this thought crosses my mind that I realize I’ve been barely holding myself together. I had shattered when he left, and my pieces were only staying together because I refuse to believe that he is gone. 
But that snow… that was the trigger. Strange how something so delicate and soft can ruin a person. But I know it wasn’t really the snow that triggered me, but all the memories that came with it. 
I don’t know what I’m doing to do now. I can’t sleep, I haven’t slept well in months and I can feel the toll it’s taking on me. I feel so unstable nowadays and everything seems to set me off. Is my lack of sleep the only reason why this is happening? Yet if I sleep and if I dream, it will only be made worse.
What do I do, Loki? What do I do without you?
I sit on the bed and will myself not to cry. Instead, I listen to the silence which pulses in waves, like a heartbeat heard through a stethoscope. The silence is like a heart too, and I know that people can talk to you without saying anything. You just have to listen, and be open to it.
And so I am. And it takes a while for my ears to get used to the silence, because for so long I have been trying to tune it out with distractions, but it feels sort of relieving. 
I love you, is the first thing I hear, and it comes so clearly that I sit in shock for a moment. It’s crazy how clear his voice comes through when I’m not trying to drown it and push it away. 
I’m coming soon, my love. A promise. 
If it kills me, I won’t let it. I am coming home to you. I don’t care what it takes.
Honey. Smooth and sweet, that’s what it sounds like. The feeling of hearing him, it’s unexplainable. He isn’t present here with me, but I can feel him. The warmth of his eyes that he only reserves for me. The sly smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth when he jokes, or when he wants something and tries to flatter me into getting it. Usually kisses. Mostly kisses. 
The softness of his hair between my fingers and the glow that dances on his cheeks when I tell him all the reasons why I love him.
And suddenly, there’s a warmth expanding in my chest like proofing dough, and I feel my eyes grow heavy with the sudden weight of his presence. Even if I can’t feel his touch underneath my fingers, I feel him, and I realize that love is much more than just touch. It’s about trust and truth, and I trust that he will keep his promise.
The darkness is thick around me, but this is the brightest that I’ve felt in a long while.
The man suffers from a bruised eye and a gash above his eyebrow that sends a waterfall of blood streaming down his face.
There seems to be blood everywhere. On his opponent, on the palace floor, splattered on the tablecloth from the king’s gushing wounds. The once proud man remains slumped in a chair at the head of the table, his potatoes and turkey legs gone cold. The clattering of swords and knives echo victoriously off the palace walls and it reminds Loki of the time on Asgard where Thor and him sparred at supper because of an argument they’d had. It seemed so petty now, especially since they were both currently working together, and Loki had more pressing matters to think of. Such as getting back to you.
Sif wipes blood from her weapon on the pure white tablecloth. “Is that all, or are there more?”
Thor catches his breath. “My father needs us back on Asgard immediately. We have caused a great scene here. If anyone finds out we did this, horrible things will follow.”
The rest agree, and they quickly follow Thor out of the palace. After a quick ride on the Bifrost, the blooming city of Asgard glimmers before them. The warriors were too tired to speak much as they saunter to the throne room. 
“Father,” Thor begins, bowing along with the others. “They did not wish to cooperate. We were forced to take matters into our own hands.”
Odin strokes his beard, the golden eyepatch glittering distastefully. “I would have liked to keep the blood on my hands to a minimum,” he grumbles. “Were you seen?”
“No, father,” answers Thor. “We have carried out your wishes to the furthest extent. I do not believe there is more that we can do, except if you wish for us to kill more men.” 
Volstagg cracks a grin.
“That would not be desired,” Odin declares. “Did you have any, ah, other troubles?” The inclination in his voice points to Loki, who is spaced out, gazing out the window at the rays of sun peeking through the glass. Distracted, again. 
Thor looks at his brother, noticing the anguish that had stricken him over the course of the quest. Of course there had been trouble. Loki was a handful to begin with, but after being forced to depart from his love for months on end with no possible contact? Well, it didn’t exactly ameliorate things. But deep in Thor’s mighty heart, he felt a pang of pity for his brother, even after all the mischief and turmoil he caused. There was a reason for it all, and Thor knew that he himself would feel bad if Loki were punished.
 “No,” Thor answers. The warriors behind him furrowed their brows, feeling disappointed that Thor hadn’t ratted his brother out. Loki’s head turns to Thor in silent question, knowing perfectly well all the travail he brought upon the quest. Thor ignored Loki’s glance and focused on his father with convincing eyes. “Things ran as smoothly as possible.” 
Odin seems shocked at this news. He would have expected some sort of rebellious behavior from Loki, considering the fact that he was reluctant to partake in this mission in the first place. He supposed for a moment that Thor wasn’t being truthful with him, but quickly reminded himself that Thor would have taken any possible opportunity to punish his brother. Perhaps it was all what Thor said. 
“Very well,” says Odin, clasping his hands together, and waving away the doubt from his mind. “You have done our kingdom a great service by expanding and strengthening our alliances. You are free to go, though I wish for you all to discuss your victories over the feast we will have later tonight. Thank you.”
“Thank you,” the warriors chorus, bowing simultaneously. 
At last. Loki tries to hurry out the door without making it look too noticeable, but a thick voice echoes across the room just as Sif’s garments swish past the closing door.
“My sons,” Odin orders, “I would like to have a word with you a moment.”
Loki grumbles to himself, feeling a white hot rage spark in his stomach. Thor glances quickly at his brother before turning back, and sees the aggression contorting Loki’s face. 
Odin begins by lightly praising them for their bravery, but it all goes in Loki’s ear and out the other. Honestly, he couldn’t give a shit what Odin thought of him. Since when had things changed?
It seemed three eternities before Odin finally let them go. A proud gleam appears in Thor’s eye, and he seemed to want to brag to his friends about the compliments the Allfather had given him. 
Loki had left without hardly a goodbye, his nerves tingling with anticipation.
The next morning, the sun had almost completely melted the snow, but the air still remains freezing. It’s a good ten minutes before I’m able to get out of the bed, studying the ceiling and wondering if it was even worth it to get up and start the day.
If it kills me, I won’t let it. I am coming home to you. 
Perhaps he had been killed. Perhaps those were his last regards toward me before dying heroically in battle. 
This thought doesn’t faze me anymore. It has passed through my mind so many times that I’ve almost become used to it. I tell myself that today will be the last day. If he doesn’t show up by the end of today, I am going to assume one of the two worst things: he died, or he moved on. Seven months is long enough to determine that, right?
The smell of the churning coffee pot wafts through the air, and I finally rise to my feet, feeling a sudden pounding in my head. My joints feel like molasses as I move mechanically like a robot. Going through the motions. Not really feeling much, just existing.
A part of me tells myself that it’s stupid to feel like this over a person. That’s the stubborness in me, always trying to invalidate my own feelings. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this. I think one of the best things about Loki is that we connect on such a deep, emotional level that the bad parts of me just sort of recede back into my brain. They don’t disappear, of course, but they are much more manageable when he is there by my side, reading to me or singing or talking or even just staying silent. His presence next to me is always enough to keep the bad parts of my brain away. The fact that they’re coming back to me tells me that I’m already at the breaking point.
I wish for him back by making myself a cup of tea instead of coffee. He happens to like Earl Grey, though I always thought it was a bit too citrusy for my taste. I always kept a stash for him just in case. 
“Here’s to you,” I say to the silence, raising my mug in the air as a sort of quiet toast. “You’ve reduced me to drinking this monstrosity of tea. Hope you’re happy.”
I take a careful sip. This time I don’t even bother making a face. 
I lean against the counter and gaze back at the empty house before me. The couch is too pristine, not a pillow out of place. I remember the time when I convinced him to have a pillow fight and the living room ended up looking like a disaster sight of a tornado. It was beautiful.
The kitchen table hasn’t seen the flicker of a candlelit dinner in an eternity. One time he tried cooking dinner for us to eat, and nearly burned down the kitchen in the process. The place smelled like burnt mac and cheese for a week, but it was too funny and endearing to get angry at. We ordered a pizza and played truth or dare. I dared him to call Tony and pretend to be a supervillain. It was almost convincing, but then I laughed aloud because Loki had put on this ridiculous accent, and then Tony cursed us out and hung up. 
My reminiscent gaze flickers over the radio on the counter, covered in a layer of dust. We used to buy random CDs at the store and play them just for the hell of it. It was how Loki discovered his admiration for Frank Sinatra and Lady Gaga, an iconic duo. He wouldn’t stop listening to Bad Romance for weeks on end, until I was forced to pull the plug on the radio. He just laughed and resorted to singing it himself. (Ultimately, this was the better version).
I walk carefully over to the radio and open up the flap, seeing a CD already placed in there. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, but I knew it to be the Louis Armstrong mixtape that I had bought at the store on sale. The last time this radio was in use, we had danced to What A Wonderful World at midnight.
I turn on the radio and hit the play button. The soft melody of instruments rings through the silence, echoing strangely off the walls. It’s an unfamiliar sound, to hear this played and not have him next to me. But it is too sweet to stop.
As if someone has taken control of my limbs, I set my cup of tea on the counter behind me and make my way to the living room. My body feels like it’s on a cloud, a beautiful sensation of weightlessness. My feet step in a coordinate sequence on the floor. I twirl lightly to the music in a small circle. 
I see trees of green…
The music kind of wraps me like a blanket, and I close my eyes. When we danced to this song, he twirled me around and never looked away from me. It was like his eyes were magnetic to mine, and there was this electricity between us that blazed fiercer than Thor’s powers. We knew each other so well, he twirled me and I kissed him and everything was okay. I imagine that night and dance softly on my own in the living room, and for a moment I can almost pretend that he’s here. There’s a smile on his face that reaches his eyes, those stunning, crystal blue eyes. Whenever I see them, I think of the ocean, when it’s calm and soothing and you can hear the waves kiss the sand and rush away shly.
“And I think to myself… what a wonderful world.”
For a moment I wonder if I had started singing aloud, but I quickly remember that my voice is nothing like this one. It wasn’t raspy and full of emotion like Louis’s either. It washed over me like the breath of a summer breeze, like a comforting whisper in the dark. It hummed in a way that was familiar to me, but there was a part of me that wanted to reject it, just like the tides approaching the sand only to retreat back to the comfort of the deep unknown. 
It is a moment before I am able to open my eyes. My body stops moving. I am just listening.
“I see friends shaking hands, saying ‘how do you do.”
My breath hitches in my throat. I do not dare open my eyes in fear that this dream, this memory, will slip away from me. And I will never hear this voice again, his voice.
“But they’re really saying —”
I can feel warmth creeping upon me, warmth unlike a raging wildfire or even an ember forgotten in the wind. It’s a tongue of flame, contained and a bit shy, but burning brightly and jauntily.
“—I love you…” 
And I have to open my eyes, because soft, warm hands are grasping my own and there’s an aching in this pit of my stomach like a wolf howling mournfully in the night. 
The eyes are crinkled at the corners ever so slightly because there’s a hint of a smile snaking up his lips, reaching his eyes whose color reminds me of the sky after a hurricane. A refreshing, regretful blue that creeps slowly into focus.
We stare at each other for a moment. I’m telling myself that this is real, that this isn’t another one of those dreams that I wake up from, sweaty and shaking, heart torn from my chest. The sun is peeking out from the clouds. This is real.
“y/n.”
The weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders. I find it easier to breathe now, as if I’d been holding my breath for seven months. There is a rush of emotions pounding against my head, trying to escape, but there’s one that is unmistakable and before I know it, I’m pressed against him, arms wrapped tightly around his middle and his hands are around me and suddenly I’m crying even though I told myself I wouldn’t, and he’s whispering something in my ear that sounds like my name. Just like my name, like it’s a forbidden word that his lips wouldn’t allow him to speak. But his voice is pure and silky and magical, and I press myself so close to him that I can feel his heartbeat, rapid and excited, against my own. 
“I missed you.”
***
135 notes · View notes
thefallenbibliophilequote · 10 months ago
Text
The Pink Note
Bucky x Reader
Summary: it's important for writers to remember why they are writing in the first place, so you gave Bucky a note, to remind you when you need it. This is the story of that note.
Word Count: 3,880
Warnings: Steve will not approve of this language, hydra, injuries, some angst but this is fluffy fluff.
A/N: I had this in my notes for forever and you can thank Sam here for bringing me to finally write this one. I honestly love this one so much, I love my past self for getting this idea. I basically had the entire outline and scenes in my notes smh. @ayybtch
--
 "Buckaroo your human is here!" Tony declared as he got off of the elevator with you, placing your luggage next to you as you waited for your friend.
"Thank you so much Tony for letting me stay here."
It's a weird thing to have an Avenger as a friend, a supersoldier at that. He goes off on missions and you are left with your normal life, having to keep living as if your friend isn't in a life endangering situation right now, and knowing Bucky he is probably being stupid in one way or another.
It was fun though, to have a friend from the 20s, it just means that you have every excuse to watch your favourite films because he hasn't seen them. He hasn't seen Narnia for fuck's sake! You watched it with him just last week, telling him all about it and gushing over the books because he was listening to every word you said. He just wanted to get up to speed with a world that flew by him.
It was a funny thing, you met him at a bookstore, he was confused and you- knowing the whole place like the palm of your hand- took him with you and showed him the books he was looking for, you couldn't help but recommend some yourself and you have been best friends ever since.
"Ah it's not a problem. Any friend of Frosty is a friend of mine. Are you sure you don't want your own room?" you shrugged him off.
"Bucky has a whole apartment, the couch there is heaven and if I can minimize the amount of intrusion then I will."
"You do remember I'm a billionaire, right?"
"Yes Tony I remember. Seriously thank you though, I refuse to be in that apartment while they do the construction in the building." You let out a shriek as two big hands came behind you and pulled you up in the air. "Stupid stealth spy shit, Bucky put me down!"
He only laughed at you, not letting you go.
"Is this a way to talk to your very generous host?" you turned your head to look at his smirk, you put your arms around him in a hug and smiled up at him.
"I was very nice to Tony." Your grin was intact as his turned into an offended one, his mouth opened in shock. He looked between you and Tony who was smirking mischievously.
"Oh you're just an annoying little brat aren't you? I am offended to my core."
"I am, what are you going to do about it?" you challenged, you didn't pay attention to tony who just groaned and left, tired of your banter.
When Bucky smiled you knew it was over. He just picked you up and threw you over his shoulder and smirking at your protest, one hand holding you in place and the other taking your suitcase.
"Did you know we have a pool here?"
 It was needless to say that when you walked into Bucky's floor you were drenched, while he was squeaky clean beside you.
"Welcome to my humble room!" it was larger than your apartment and he knew that.
"I am going to kill you, but before I do that I am going to go to your bed and ruin your sheets."
"And how exactly are you going to do that?" he taunted as you strode to his bedroom.
"I'm extremely wet, how do you think?" you only heard it when you saw his smirk.
"Is that so?"
"Oh don't you dare go there, you know that is not what I meant, oh my gods I hate you so much." He laughed but you still went to his bedroom, curling under the warm sheets. You knew exactly on which side he slept, it smelt like him, so you made sure to squeeze the water out of your hair there.
"I prepared you a warm bath," you heard him say from the door, you turned to look at him. "Come on, you're going to catch a cold if you stay there."
"Fine, my job here is done anyways. Have fun trying to put on new sheets."
"Doll you know I can't put them on normally."
"I know." You gave him a quick hug before you went to the bath was waiting for you. You couldn't lie and say that you walked there quickly because of the cold rather than the blush that coloured your cheeks. You hated when he called you that.
 It took you a little while but you got used to life in the tower, the kitchen was too crowded way to early in the morning for you, but at least Bucky made you productive in that regard? Procrastination was your go to as a writer, but this novel was important to you so you did your best effort.
So now Bucky woke you up after he got back from his run with Steve, making your morning start at 6am. Then you're having breakfast with the almighty Avengers, which are not so almighty in the kitchen. You were thankful for being able to do your job from home, you got rid of your responsibilities so you could finally be able to plan out your novel.
By planning out your novel you meant making a mess of too many papers and sticky notes with rushed handwriting that somehow was only understandable to you. Even genius AIs and spies wouldn't be able to decrypt your organized mess.
Sometimes you were in Bucky's room, and sometimes in the common room for a change of scenery.
"Y/N Y/L/N!" you heard Clint scream your name from the living room while you were in the kitchen, pouring yourself a drink. You reached the living room to see Clint and Sam leaning over and looking at the huge whiteboard you had on, the chapters organized on it.
"What do you think you're doing?" you asked them, people weren't supposed to read your novel, especially not your first draft.
"You can't just kill her off!"
"Hey, I can do whatever you want with my characters, now scatter because I found a plot hole and I need to work on it." You smirked as the two walked away from the desk you set up for yourself.
"Just saying, maybe if you keep your characters alive you wouldn't have a problem." You smacked Sam's shoulder when they passed by you.
"Keep annoying me and I'll make you a character and torture your character."
You sighed to yourself and got to work, comparing your notes and trying to find a way to make your novel work.
 It's been three days since, and you honestly didn't know why you even bothered anymore, it wasn't working, you just couldn't find the solution.
You've added colorful sticky notes to the board, some simply had song names on them, and some had dialogues. Bucky walked into his floor, he loved seeing the focused look you had when you worked, with your bottom lip bitten and your eyes sharp, you were too cute like this. He stopped in his place when he saw what you were wearing. His red Henley looking like a dress on you, stopping probably a little too short than what it should. He assumed you wore shorts, but he couldn't see and he didn't know what he'd prefer.
"Is that my shirt?" you nodded absentmindedly, still looking at your notes as he walked over to where you stood.
"If you didn't want me to steal it, don't leave it out in the open."
"It was in the closet." That earned him a small smirk.
"The closet was in my eyesight, my point stands." Your smirk soon fell. "I just don't even know-"
You looked at Bucky then, holding his gaze. He suddenly grew shy at your stare. He studied you, after all this time a trained assassin, the winter soldier… couldn't analyze a girl.
"What's up with all the sticky notes?" he cleared his throat and it seemed to snap her out of it.
Sometimes the answer comes out of nowhere and is standing right in front of you.
"They help remind me of stuff." Then you looked at his icy blue eyes before turning around. He saw you scrabble something on a pink post-it note, and then you turned around and put it on his forehead.
"It's going to fall you know." He laughed, which only made the note that much closer to falling. You cursed at him, but you had a certain look in your eyes that he'd never seen before.
"Keep it, I need you to remind me of it," you said simply before an alarm went on in your head and you outstretched a hand as if to stop him. "But don't read it!"
As it began to fall, he folded it and without looking at it he put the pink note in his pocket.
That's where it all started.
 It's been there for days now. He moved the note from pocket to pocket, sometimes you will come into a room and ask him for it, only to give the note back to him, still folded, a few minutes later. Alongside that same unexplainable look which seemed to disappear only a moment later.
On and off missions he still took it with him, always in the pocket in his gear or in his pants. He didn't know why he did it, but it felt important. For such a small note, it felt like it held the entire world. At least for your world, so it was for his too.
 "Hey there Bucky boo," you laughed when he grumbled on the other side, he absolutely hated that nickname. "How are you doing?"
"I am really tired actually, doll."
"Oh no, did something happen? Bucky-"
"No, Sam is just being an annoying little shit." You heard then noises from the phone, you couldn't help but shake your head at their childish behaviour. Bucky finally went to a quieter place. "I'm okay doll, really."
He pulled out the little pink note as he talked to you, a soft smile spread on his face.
"Are you going to be back soon?" you picked on your nails, waiting for his answer. He just got lost in the note, testing he put it against the light yet still seeing nothing.
"I'm afraid it's going to take a little longer than expected. Some things changed- but before you say anything, I'll be just fine. Am I surrounded by idiots? Yes." He relished in the laugh you gave him at that. "But I am a supersoldier, so it balances out."
"Okay fine, I'm going to leave you to it. Bye."
"Bye, doll." He put the note back in its place. And went back into the room they were staying in.
"Man, you're whipped, you know that right?"
"Eat shit, Wilson."
 It's been thirty minutes now that you were sitting in the dining room table, your fingers on the keyboard and you were looking at the computer with determination, yet whenever he passed by you, he saw a blank page in front of you.
The page was mocking you, you could hear it. Locked in a staring contest the computer won when you saw a cup of tea being put on the table next to you, and then the pink note was in the palm of your hand.
"Maybe take a break after this, but I thought this might help." He didn't see the smile on your face as your eyes followed him when he walked back to the kitchen, Natasha however was more observant. When you saw her looking at you with a smirk you cleared your throat and went back to writing.
It's been thirty minutes and he actually liked the sound of your typing on the keyboard, he could hear it from a room away.
“As I was saying,” Wanda tried to get the group’s attention. The monthly movie night is some serious talk. “We watched Lord of The Rings together, we watched Narnia together- it’s only fair that we will marathon Harry Potter together now.”
That caused a new fight about what movie they should watch next, but Bucky couldn’t care less, he focused his ears on your typing.
When it stopped, you entered the kitchen with an empty cup which you put in the sink before giving him the note back and a hug. He was glad the discussion was over when you came.
 "Psst, Bucky wake up," he barely woke up and just looked at your silhouette as the light from the living room shone behind you. "I need it."
Without a word he took the note out and handed her the note, he stretched around a little, still half asleep when he saw the hour on the clock. Before you could get away from him, he took the covers off, brought his hands around you and pulled you to him. Your back to his chest, he didn't let you protest as he turned around to his side, bringing you with him.
"Shh, sleep." He pulled the covers over you and put the note back in place.
"But Bucky I need to work."
"No, you are my teddy bear now, and I am going to sleep and you need sleep too." You knew there was no getting out of his grip, especially when he was somehow already asleep.
Tiredness soon washed over you too and you let it take you.
 You were awakened by a loud crash, you heard gunshots and panicked voices outside and a red alarm shone brightly in the dim lights of the floor.
"Bucky?" you called out to him, and he got out of his room already with a rifle and daggers.
"F.R.I.D.A.Y what's going on?" he came to you and put a comforting hand on your shoulder which you clutched when you saw the smoke that came from beneath the door.
"It seemed that hydra has infiltrated the building, Sergeant Barnes. Captain Rogers is asking for your assistance." You barely had time to react before Bucky went towards the door.
"Bucky wait-"
"Stay here doll, go to my room and lock the door. F.R.I.D.A.Y let me know if anyone is getting through this door."
"Wait, what about you?" it was weird to have an Avenger friend, you were constantly worried about him, but you never saw him actually in action. You enveloped him in a big hug, afraid to let go, but he let go.
"I'll be okay doll, just stay here and I'll come back as soon as I can." You bit you lip, holding back what you wanted to say. Nodding to him, he left and you went to his room, shutting the door.
"F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you tell me if something happens to him?"
"I will, Miss Y/N."
 It was hard to calm yourself down when you still heard everything that was happening between the gunshots and the screams. The anxiety was killing you, and so you didn't think.
"F.R.I.D.A.Y, what floor is Bucky in?" you got out of the bed.
"Miss, I don't think that is a good idea. Sergeant Barnes told you to stay inside."
"Please, I just need to see him." You waited a bit before the AI gave you his location.
The minute you walked outside of the safety of Bucky's room you smelled the heavy smoke and you put your hand up to cover your mouth and nose.
Maybe it was better that you got out of the room, if the fire spread than it would probably be safer to get out of the building. You mused in your thoughts as you went down the stairs.
You got to the floor Bucky was supposed to be in, and it was quiet. Too quiet. You hesitantly looked into one to the rooms, backing away when you saw dead agents there.
Okay maybe it was better if you had stayed in your room.
"Bucky?" you called out, your tears watering a bit when another cough took over. You walked into a larger room and saw the fire there, spread all over it. The bottles with the different chemicals were falling from the shelf. "Bucky!"
You just hoped he wasn't hurt. He had to be here somewhere. Deciding to run back you collided with someone and fell on the floor. You looked up and saw someone you definitely did not know, and when you saw the red sign on his shoulder you cursed and started to back away.
The bastard only smiled and pulled out his weapon. But before he could do anything a shot was heard with a shout of your name.
The agent went down and in the far end of the hallway you saw Bucky. Getting up you ran towards him as he ran towards you, but before you could reach him, you heard the explosion before it knocked you down. Then everything went black.
 "Bucky, you need to rest." Steve put a hand on his friend's shoulder. You've been unconscious for almost two days, Bucky hasn't left the spot right next to your bed. The infirmary was cold, Steve handed Bucky the blanket he asked him to bring, he gently put it on you. Then he went back to sitting again.
"I'm fine Steve, I'm not going anywhere. Can you please ask people to leave us alone?" the blond nodded and exited the room, leading his friends away from there.
Bucky brought his hand to yours, finger pressing on the back of your wrist, taking comfort in the steady pulse. He hated you for going out of the room when he told you to stay there. He hated himself for not getting to you sooner. He's going to talk to Tony about improving F.R.I.D.A.Y to not listen to idiots.
He laid his head on the bed next to your hand when a thought crossed his mind. His metal arm let go of you and went to his side pocket. There it was, the pink note, unharmed.
He stared at it, he couldn't see the writing on it as it was folded, then he looked at you and slowly he decided to open the note.
Holding his breath, not knowing why, he gently unfolded it until he could see what was written inside all those days ago.
Give them a happy ending.
He let out a sigh, the words alone bringing him comfort when his mind caught on to what the note said and his breath hitched yet again, trying to process and think about the meaning.
So there he sat, alternating between looking at the note and at you; his lips gently resting on your knuckles in a soft kiss.
He folded the note and put it in his pocket.
 You woke up the next morning. Bucky had his head resting next to your leg, hand entwined with yours. You squeezed his hand slightly to wake him up.
"Hey there Bucky boo." You smiled at him faintly, his eyes fluttering open until you saw those blue eyes focused on you, and it was instantly followed by a smile.
"I hate it when you call me that." He said before he attacked you with a bone crushing hug. He let go of you when you winced a bit. "Sorry, doll."
"Bucky, what happened?" your memory not really working at the moment, and by your aching headache you assumed it wasn't good.
"You gave me a heart attack that's what. Gosh Y/N I told you to stay in my room."
"There was a fire."
"We both know that's not why you went outside."
"I'm sorry. This was the first time I saw you actually be in danger. I was too worried to stay there."
"Well, I'm too worried to leave here. Just rest for now, Bruce will be here soon." You rested your head on the soft pillow again, bringing up the soft blanket and breathing it in.
The next time you opened your eyes, Bruce was there with you. You smiled at him, Bucky sat there listening to you talk to Bruce, only letting you go when Bruce strictly told him he needed to so he could run tests.
"I'm tired, can I please go home Bruce? Bucky will keep an eye on me." You just wanted to sleep in a normal environment.
"Yes, only because I have a feeling he won't let you out of his sight." You laughed at that but Bucky was dead serious, coming to help you when you got up despite your protests of trying to slap his hand away.
"I'll make sure she's okay Bruce. Thank you for everything."
You thanked the good doctor with a hug before you went upstairs. After you got ready for bed you all but yelled at Bucky to leave you alone and go to sleep in his bed. About 10 minutes have passed before he left you in the living room with your soft blanket and the comfortable sofa. Sleep took you instantly. Bucky? Not so much.
He mustn't have been sleeping for long, but it felt longer that it should, he hadn't had a nightmare this intense in a while, then he heard your voice.
"Hey, Bucky it's me, you're okay. It was just a bad dream, you're safe, okay? Are you with me?" the dream felt too real but you were here in front of him, safe and sound. Your hand was cupping his cheek, he didn't realize he was crying. He took your other hand and felt for the steady beat of pulse.
"Stay with me, please doll, stay here." He begged you, and hesitatingly you nodded and got under the blankets with him. He did not hesitate to pull you closer and bury his face in the crook of your neck, his arms circling your waist.
"It's okay, I'm here." But it was hard to sleep when he was holding you like this, and by his breaths on your neck he was awake too. You started to play with his hair, hoping it'll help him relax but he rather looked up at you with emotions you didn't even want to begin to hope to see.
"Doll?" he pulled back and rested his head in the pillow in eye level right next to you.
"Yeah?"
"I just want you to know that," he smiled a bit to himself when he felt the edges of the little note. "You're my happy ending, doll."
He said it as if it was the simplest thing in the whole universe, the one thing that made sense in the world, and to him is was.
You were certain now of the way he looked at you, nothing was there but love and adoration that you saw so clearly despite the darkness of the night. His eyes still found a way to shine.
You couldn't look away, even when blush spread on your face, which you was sure he saw based on the smile that lit his face, he came closer then. It took you another moment of confusion before you understood what he said. But despite the embarrassment you couldn't help but smile back at him.
"I told you not to read that."
 Tags: @callmeluna  @sstanbarnes  @buckys-other-punk @drabblewithfrannybarnes @easygoingtheatre @that-one-person  @justab-eautifulmess @onceupona-happilyeverafter  @wipplogg  @supraveng  @bucky-the-thigh-slayer  @ayybtch
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mel-the-fangirl · 9 months ago
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The Escort
Walter Marshall x Reader
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Words: 2,064
Warnings: none
Happy super late Valentine’s, Cavillry! As usual, this is a very very late upload but in my defense, it does say in my bio that I am a procrastinator soooo... Anyway, I’m really excited about this miniseries because I love the movie (The Wedding Date, 2005) and I really wanted to write Walter, I hope I do him justice!
Feedback (good and bad!) means the world to me as rookie writer, so I hope you’ll like, reblog and leave me some replies!
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You could not believe you were doing this. You just couldn't. But there you were doing it, even though your mind screeched at you to stop and save a little dignity for yourself.
The fact that you even considered doing this was already a serious loss of dignity points, so what the hell. People did this all the time, didn’t they? There wouldn’t be a whole network of people clumped into this app if it wasn’t a normal occurrence.
It just wasn’t a normal occurrence for you.
Once you filled your head with rationalisations to make yourself feel better, you took a deep breath and began browsing through what the great city of New York had to offer.
Z, 6’, loving hands, fit, athletic, good manners, for water sports, caramel complexion.
For water sports? What in the hell did that mean? And that single initial in place of an actual name? Serial killer vibes. No, thank you.
Lenny, 6’2”, pretty fit Italian, excellent dinner companion, all occasions catered.
Alright. Okay. Now we’re talking. Tall, European, excellent dinner companion equals to good conversationalist, accommodating. Lenny goes on the list of possibilities.
Terry, 6’, my soft voice will arouse you, my strong hands will pleasure you,  let me show you how a woman should be treated, hourly/overnight rates.
Oh no no no. Major creep vibes from Terry. That ad alone had you reaching for another long swig of wine.
Joey, 5’8”, are you into champagne?, bodybuilder, will treat you like a queen.
“If you like piña coladas…” you sang in not even remotely the right key, topping off your drink
Josh, 5’9”, I can make you feel sexy and wanted. Fit, sensual, strong.
“Well!” you exclaimed drunkenly, almost spilling wine on your couch, “Tough beans, Josh! I don’t need a man to make me feel sexy and wanted!” you faltered a bit, your drunk mind still seeing the holes in your logic
“I just… Need a man to help me not look like a tragic spinster in front of my family and my ex...”
With that thought fresh in your mind, you reached for some more wine.
The ads went on and on as you scrolled through your phone, it was all a little overwhelming, how were you going to make sure you weren't hiring some psychopathic serial killing pervert to pose as your date to your sister's wedding?
The groan you let out bounced off the walls of your apartment. The reality of your situation was sinking in little by little. 
Yes. You were hiring a male escort for your sister's wedding. It was your baby sister's wedding, by the way. You were a hundred percent aware that what you were doing was completely and utterly pathetic but you’ve already weighed the pros and cons in your head countless times.
Showing up alone: pitying looks, whispering behind your back, having to face ex by yourself, staggering levels of embarrassment.
Showing up with handsome -hired- date: mother can finally get off your back, date is more handsome than ex, ex will want to shrivel up and die, no one will know date is male escort except you and him.
Now, let’s break down some of the guests just for the sake of being thorough. 
There’s your slightly overbearing mother (slightly meaning every call you have with her opens with the question: “how's your love life, dear?” or “I have the most amazing man to set you up with!”), all of her judgy eagle-eyed friends (mostly rich widows whose sons your mom shamelessly shoves your way), your extended family (some terrifyingly old school great aunts and uncles who will definitely ask if you’re married and smile sympathetically when you say you’re not), and last but certainly not the least, Jeffrey, your ex-fiancé (best man, but apparently not the best man for you, his words not yours).
"Lordy fuck." you exhaled hard, chugging your wine straight from the bottle
How on earth did you get here? Sitting alone in your apartment, working your way through your second bottle of wine (or third? Who was keeping count?), clicking on ads that spoke of "hot single males in your area" waiting to meet you.
Would it be fair to pin it all on the end of your engagement?
Picturing that moment, you decided that it was only fair. Those were five years of your life you would never get back, you were prepared to sign on for more but, yeah.
You were blindsided, that's the only way to describe it. All the while, you thought that you and Jeffrey were on the same page, at the same place in life. You were the golden couple, the couple that all the other couples wished they could be, when you two walked past, girlfriends would give their boyfriends a slap on the shoulder that meant, "Why can't we be more like them?"
It was so out of nowhere, one minute you were discussing wedding cake options over dinner, then suddenly you're putting the ring in his palm, completely in shock. 
After that, you threw yourself into your work despite the fact that you were already a budding workaholic to begin with. That's how you ended up earning six figures a year. 
Six figure salary, check. Doing pretty well in life all things considered, check.
But even with all that, there weren't any conversations over casseroles and cobblers about your many achievements. Nope, your mother and her friends would much rather discuss their worries that you would essentially, die alone.
Your little sister, Amy, getting married before you didn't exactly help to put a lid on all the chatter. And with Jeffrey being the best man? And you being maid of honour? 
It was a disaster waiting to happen.
Maybe you could make up an excuse believable enough to get you off the hook so you wouldn’t have to go?
Were you really thinking about bailing on your little sister’s wedding? If she wasn’t taking cues from your mother, it would be the only one she ever had.
Not one of your finest moments as a sibling.
With the complications of your situation fully realised, you took to reading the ads with a little more effort. Luckily, you didn’t have to look for long.
Nick, 6’, male, tall, good looking, strong build. You will not be disappointed.
The ad was considerably less flashy than the others but you supposed that’s what drew you to it in the first place. It was understated, simple, and his ad wasn’t entirely made up of overcompensating flexing pics.
Mostly because he didn’t need them.
Call off the search, send the boys home. You had a winner here!
Staring up at you from your phone screen was the most handsome man you have ever seen in your life. Literally.
A mane of thick, artfully disheveled curly hair, eyes that were a light shade of blue that had a sort of dark intensity and intelligence that you could spend days trying to understand, and a smile. Oh, that smile was absolutely suckerpunching. It was odd though, something in your head was telling you that this man did not smile often.
You couldn’t tell if the warmth blooming in your chest and creeping towards your cheeks was from all the wine or from examining this prime specimen. Jeez Louise!
“Phew!” you fanned yourself upon stumbling on a photo of him crossing his arms in a tank top. Good God, you hoped he had a license for those guns!
You had to set your phone down for a minute to think things through although it seemed absolutely nuts that you had to think twice at all. It’s just that after the initial excitement and hormones wore off, it was becoming more and more evident that this man was too good to be true.
Just look at him! Were there actually men that looked like that? And why didn’t they live closer to you? A quick sweep of his profile placed him in Minneapolis.
What were the crime rates like there? And did they have a high rate of murders relating to escort services?
Before you could even google anything related to that, you stopped yourself. If you kept at this rate, you would never get anything done! Finally, after a methodical deliberation (aka ogling the pictures on his ad), you saved Nick’s contact number to your phone.
Aaand that’s as far as you’d go for the night. You could call him tomorrow when you weren’t a floundering drunk. It was like your mother always said, “Always be sober for a business transaction, but anything else calls for a cocktail.”
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The following morning, you sat at your little breakfast nook, eggs still piping hot and untouched, and a hangover in full effect. You’ve been staring at the phone number for so long, you could say it in your sleep.
Come on, Y/N, the wedding is five freaking days away.
What if this guy was fully booked? You didn’t want to spend five days surrounded by family with Mr. my-soft-voice-will-arouse-you, did you?
You slammed your finger down on the call icon and stuck the phone to your ear. Your heart beat faster and faster with every ring and your palms became so slick with sweat that you almost dropped your phone a couple of times. 
Maybe you should have taken your mother up on the multiple occasions that she wanted to set you up with someone. Alright, on second thought, you didn’t really want to be with someone who only looked good on paper but was actually an insufferable mama’s boy.
“Hello?” a male voice answered, catching you off-guard
Oh, God. Okay, you’re really doing this.
“Yes, hi! Hi. Uh, I’m looking for Nick!” you chirped, in a startled high pitched squeak you didn’t dare recognise as your own
The silence on the other end was starting to make you sweat behind the knees. It suddenly dawned on you that you didn’t mention any specifics.
“Uh, sorry! I got this number from the, uh, the ad. I’m looking for Nick?”
“Yes! Yes, that’s right, but Nick isn’t in right now. This is his manager.”
Was that a good sign? That a male escort had a manager? Did all male escorts have managers? You clearly didn’t know enough about this stuff.
“It’s a pleasure, Mister..?”
There was another beat of silence before the person on the other line answered, you tried your hardest not to overthink about what that could have meant.
“Foley! I’m Foley, Nick’s manager.” Mr. Foley’s voice returned to your ear, sounding much too bright for your liking. 
Christ, what were you, a cop? To be honest, you were exhausted. Despite all the alcohol in your system last night, you barely got any sleep. You spent the rest of the night reading through some reviews of Nick’s service as an escort.
He had a glittering five star rating.
One woman hired him to pose as her husband at a high school reunion and by the end of the night, she ended up proposing to him. He respectfully declined and even bought her dinner afterwards.
That review alone was enough to convince you that you would be in good hands. So, it was time to buckle down, swallow the nerves, and handle your business like the adult you were.
“Mr. Foley,” you shook your hair out and put on your professional voice. “I’d like to book your client for five days, give or take. I need a plus one for a wedding. Is he available to leave on the-”
“Please hold. I’ll check his schedule.”
“Oh. But I didn’t mention when I-”
“He’s available. Would you prefer to pick him up at JFK or will he meet you at your place of residence?”
“Oh. Uh, I guess I could pick him up. Do I pay for his ticket or..?” you were feeling a teensy bit of whiplash at how fast this was all going
There was some rustling on the other line and the muffled sounds of bickering. You tried not to let that concern you.
“We’ll handle that, Ms. Y/L/N. We have your number, we’ll be in touch for further details. Good bye.”
The line went dead and you were left staring at your phone in confusion. Did you tell him your name?
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justkending · 8 months ago
Text
The Number One Rule. Chapter Twenty-One.
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Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)
Word Count: 3100+
A/N: Ok, the gears have dusted off on this one and I have an idea for the next chapter too! SO hopefully I can get started on that one soon:) Enjoy lovlies and please please please share your thoughts! I love hearing what you guys take away from the story. It never fails to make my day!
Chapter Twenty-One:
The next week, Sarah asked Bucky if he’d like to join them for their Sunday dinner. It wasn’t something out of the ordinary, considering Bucky used to come over quite a bit for Sunday dinner. But now it was a little different as he had a different tie to the family. 
“Ok, so what’s new?” Sarah asked as she sat down last, having served everyone else finally and making sure everyone was settled. “How’s the apartment, Mini?”
“It’s coming along. I got a majority of everything unpacked. There’s still a few boxes I’ve been procrastinating on…” she answered. “But, I’ve gotten quite a few new decorations up, or made some, so the place is for sure more lively than the beginning of this week.”
“Good,” Sarah grinned. “Steve, anything new with you?”
“Besides work? Not really. Oh, Clint and I went to a new pub in his part of town with Nat. Bucky, Y/N/N, I’ll have to take you next time we’re over there. It was a neat little place.”
“That’s all that's happened in the last week? Work and one stop at a pub?” Y/N chuckled before taking a bite of food.
Steve set her a glare with a shake of his head. 
“Yes, that’s all. Sorry my life isn’t exciting enough for you,” he stuck out his tongue.
Y/N sent the same look back and they both had a silent fight through their eyes. Bucky laughed and shook his head with their mom. 
“Not that I find your life not exciting, Steve,” Sarah chimed in. “But when was the last time you did something more fun than work and going to a restaurant?”
“I don’t know. Not much time for anything else, I guess,” he shrugged. “Why am I getting a therapy lesson on my social life all of a sudden though? You haven’t asked Bucky about his week. Change the subject to him,” Steve pouted, shoving food in his mouth trying to keep from being the center of attention. 
Y/N rolled her eyes and Sarah took a breath. 
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Bucky, how have you been? Anything exciting?” she grinned widely at the brunette. 
“Uh, honestly, it’s been a busy week at work for me too. However, Y/N and I did go to a farmers market this weekend and dropped by a shop local festival downtown as well. Found some really cool new stores we’ll have to go back to,” he winked to Y/N who smiled at him. 
It was true. Winnie Barnes had been part of the shop local group and they went to support. They grabbed some coffee, Y/N of course grabbing a new book for another time, and then they set out on the town. The hit thrift stores, vintage stores, boutiques, some outdoorsy shops that Bucky found a swiss knife in and went on a whole rant on about how it was from the 1940’s and was in pretty amazing condition for it’s age. It was cute to see him so excited about the little thing. 
“It was a neat little adventure for the weekend,” Y/N nodded. “Speaking of, I’ll have to bring Peggy to it hopefully when she’s in town.”
It was subtle how she brought up the friend's name, and the only other person in the room who knew her intentions was Bucky. He paused in his bite and looked to Y/N with a raised eyebrow. As if silently asking, “Now?”
Y/N just chuckled and sent him a mischievous smirk.
“Who’s Peggy?” Steve questioned, as he took a bite of a roll. 
Bucky blinked slowly before sitting back in his chair and finishing his bite. He knew how Steve was going to react if Y/N even hinted at possibly setting him up. 
“Isn’t that your host friend from London?” Sarah asked, dapping her lips with a napkin. 
“Yes, that’s her. She was recently offered a job here in New York. We always talked about her coming to visit anyway, but now she has a legit reason,” Y/N explained, casually taking a drink. 
“Oh, that’s nice. What’s she doing for a living?” Sarah asked. 
“She actually had a part in a science department within the military over there. She oversaw a new experimentation/ project they were doing in hopes of helping their recruits, but after a few years, she stepped down to work within law enforcement. She’s looking into a job as a Victim Advocate now,” Y/N answered, peeking to Steve to see any reaction. “She had a calling for it and if you ask me, she's amazing at the job.”
“Sounds like an experienced gal,” Steve noted, nodding his head as he took another bite of food. 
“She is,” Y/N smiled pridefully at her friend. 
“What exactly does a victim advocate do?” Sarah asked. “I mean from context, I can guess, but law enforcement wise?”
“Basically they’re people that we would be assigned to say a domestic violence case, possible homicide victim, whole families that have been involved in some messy things, I mean the list goes on,” Bucky began to explain. “They would help them find a safe place, get them into counseling, help them maneuver through life to feel more comfortable and safe after any unfortunate things had happened to them.”
“We have a few in our department we work close with,” Steve nodded. “Where is she looking at in New York?” Steve asked Y/N, looking up from his plate.
“Um, not sure. I didn’t get that much information, but I know it’s somewhere in Manhattan,” Y/N grinned while taking a bite of food. 
“Well, when she does come, she’s more than welcome to stay in your old room if she needs a place to stay,” Sarah smiled sweetly. “That and you’ll have to bring her around so I can thank her for taking care of you all those years.”
“Sure thing, Ma. I can tell you she’s already excited to meet you.”
“So is she your age?” Steve asked curiously. Y/N couldn’t tell if it was out of interest or just genuine curiosity. 
“Uh, no. She’s about four years older. So a year older than you and Buck,” Y/N answered. 
“And she was in the military?” He continued. His attempt to be nonchalant was wearing off as Y/N noticed it was indeed interest that he was showing. 
“Yes, she actually was quite high up in the ranks with her background. They called her Agent Carter in the field,” Y/N added.
“From what Y/N’s told me, she sounds like one who can hold her own. I think Nat and her would get along well,” Bucky said. He was trying to keep it as simple and casual as possible. 
“Sounds like it,” Steve nodded. “I’m excited to meet her.”
Y/N couldn't help the wide smile that formed on her face as she sent Bucky the look with wide eyes with it. 
He read the, “It’s working,” look on her features and he winked with a lazy shake of his head at her excitable self. She was a dork. 
________
Once the dinner and long conversations were had, they all said their farewells to Sarah and made their way home. 
Having picked Y/N up on the way, Bucky took her home as well. 
“I think it worked. I mean we at least peaked his interest,” she cheered quietly as she went to unlock her apartment door. 
“I think he has no clue what your doing, and there’s a good chance if he finds out, there may be another wrestling match on your mom's lawn,” Bucky chuckled, putting his hand on the small of her back as they walked in. 
“Eh, I’ll be discreet. He’ll never even notice I’m secretly setting them up,” she said, turning and wrinkling her nose at him before kicking off her shoes at the front door. 
“Does Peggy even have a clue that you’re setting her up too?” he grinned at her cute-self and did the same of pushing off his shoes to the side. 
“Er, no,” she said with a tight smile. “But hey! The more natural it is for them to meet and get to know each other, the more likely of it happening. I’ve never been one for blind dates and set ups,” she waved her hand before walking over to the couch and grabbing a blanket. 
“Bad experience?” Bucky asked, coming to sit by her. His arm thrown across the back of the couch and her legs instinctively laying across his lap to bring them closer. 
“Oh, you don’t even want to know,” she rolled her eyes with a scoff.
“Oh, I think I do,” he chuckled, scooting closer to her and looking at her intently. 
“You have any bad date stories?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. 
“Tons, but I want to hear yours,” he said, poking her leg before resting his hand across her calf and gently squeezing it. 
“Fine, I’ll give you one from when I was in London. But!” she said raising a finger and getting a questioning look from Bucky. “A story for a story. You have to share one too.”
“Ok, ok,” he laughed. “Now come on. Spill.” 
“Well, it was set up by a friend that had worked with me at one of the research facilities where they hold a lot of ancient kinds of historical pieces and artifacts. Things like old books from the Roman times, weapons used in wars in the 1800’s and so on,” Y/N started, as Bucky listened closely. “Anyway, the guy she was setting me up with was supposedly her brother's friend or something like that. I don’t remember, it was one of those weird connections. I honestly wasn’t up for dating at the moment since I was trying to focus on school work and graduate early.”
“Smarty pants,” Bucky grinned, squeezing her calf again. “You were so that girl that sat in the library for hours on end reading and then went home to do the same thing.”
“I had my fun in highschool!” Y/N defended, playfully slapping his hand resting on the back of the couch. “I was limiting myself from too many extracurricular activities so I could kill it in college.”
“You’re supposed to have your fun in college though. That’s where all the life stories really come from,” he teased. 
“Well, I got all the life experience I wanted. You can’t say you got to visit Pompeii and were chosen to write a log of an entire home casted in ash and soot.”
“Ok, I’ll give you that. That is pretty impressive,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender. “Also, did not know you did that. We’ll have to go into context about that later.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice to ramble about that week.”
“Ok, go on. I interrupted and we got off track,” he gestured. 
“Yeah, don’t distract me,” she crossed her arms in a slight pout as she looked up as if trying to find her place in the story. 
“You were talking about how it was your friend’s brother’s friend,” Bucky hinted. 
“Right. Ok, well, I tried to nicely decline and that held her off of the subject for a while, but she always somehow brought it back up at the most random times. She would talk and talk about these amazing accomplishments he had, or personality traits she thought I would like, yada, yada, yada.”
“Yada, yada. Yeah, I get that,” he teased sarcastically again. 
She couldn’t help but sent him a soft smile at his joking before continuing. 
“A few weeks to almost a month later of persistent hinting and talking about taking a chance on him for just one date, I finally caved. I was more so just doing it so that I wouldn’t have to hear about it anymore.”
“Ah, so you weren’t even excited or wanting a blind date? It was forced?”
“Bingo,” she said, shooting a finger gun at him. “So she sets up the date practically for me, and just tells me where to meet him and where. Luckily for me, he was close to Peggy’s house, so I had a close escape if needed. 
“I’m just going to take a wild guess and say that close escape was needed,” Bucky cringed some just by the look on her face. 
“Right again, Barnes! You win the lottery,” she exaggerated. “So when we first got there, I met him in the front of a local coffee shop and he seemed sweet and bought my coffee and we walked out to the tables on the patio.”
“Was he cute?” Bucky questioned subtly. 
“You want to have girl talk now?”
“I mean I’m just wondering,” Bucky shrugged, watching himself draw circles on her legs.
She let out a small chuckled, and grabbed his hand that was resting on the couch and intertwined hers into his.
“Nothing compares to you, hotstuff,” she winked. 
Bucky rolled his eyes and they kept their hands like that the rest of the story. Sending subtly touches and caressing the back of each other's hands with their thumbs unconsciously. They had realized in the newness of this relationship, the simple physical touch was one of their favorite small things they could do with each other. For both of them. 
“Now, stop interrupting me so I can finish,” she playfully warned him. 
“Sorry, sorry. I’ll zip it from here on out,” he nodded, making the motion of zipping his lips with his free hand. 
She shook her head with a giggle, once again continuing. 
“Anyway… It took only about 2 minutes into the conversation that I sensed something was off. He seemed distracted and was radiating a sad energy. When he didn’t keep up his end of the conversation much, I asked if he was ok. He went on to tell me a very in depth and lengthy story about how that specific coffee shop was his ex-girlfriend’s favorite place to visit before she moved.” 
Bucky gave a look of distaste, but didn’t interrupt. 
“Turns out he was still hooked on the past girlfriend, and when I tell you by the time I escaped the date and knew more details about her than him, you can guess how it went. I could probably tell you everything down to the girl’s social security number.”
“Ew,” Bucky shook his head. “ So he just talked about her the entire time.”
“Yes, but it gets worse.” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at that and began listening attentively again. “He was so torn up over her, about 10 minutes into him telling me their favorite things to do together, how she likes her coffee in the morning, how she prefers rainy day weather instead of sunny, and... Well. You get the jist,” she sighed. “All the conversation of his supposed ‘soulmate that got away’ caused him to break down crying.”
“Wait, what?” Bucky shook his head in shock. “He broke down crying on the patio of a coffee shop in the middle of downtown London?”
“I’m being too nice when I say crying, I should really say sobbing and bawling almost hysterically,” she corrected. 
“God, everyone must have been looking.”
“Everyone including the store manager who came out and kindly, and uncomfortably, asked us if we could relocate,” Y/N deadpanned. 
“Wow. This guy must have really been going through it…” Bucky scoffed. 
“I felt bad for him, but also was so ready to go home and get away from the wandering and lingering eyes of the people just going about their saturday afternoon. But he took my kindness a different way than I could ever hope.”
“I’m scared to hear what that means,” Bucky said now a little more serious and concerned. 
“It was more so embarrassing than rude or anything like that,” she explained. “He took my arms just slightly opening to show I was leaving, as a motion to hug him.”
“Wait, is he still crying at this point?” 
“Yes. Red face, runny nose, the whole shabang.”
“Good God.”
“Yeah, and he clung to me what felt like 20 minutes on the sidewalk letting it all out. I didn’t know what to do so I just kinda patted his back and kept saying, ‘I'm sorry’ in a really awkward and uneasy way.”
“Wait, was it really 20 minutes?” Bucky said surprised. 
“No, it was like 5, but when you’re on the sidewalk in the middle of the busiest part of the city on a Saturday afternoon, 5 minutes is too long. Hell, one minute is too long.”
“I can agree with that.”
“Anyway, to make a longer story short, I talked to my friend who set me up and when I told her he still wasn’t quite over his ex, she frowned at me.” Bucky gave her a quizzical look confused at that. “Turns out, they had been broken up for a year. The man was crying over a girl who had moved away and broke up with him a year ago.” 
Bucky couldn’t say anything. With each detail of the story, it just kept getting worse. 
“Yeah, my friend gave me the face she did because she was as shocked as me to hear how he acted.” 
After a moment of silence, and Bucky collecting his thoughts, he let out a long breath. 
“Yeah, any bad date story I have isn’t going to be interesting at all compared to that,” he nodded. 
“I still want to hear them,” she demanded in a fake stern tone. 
“Well, if you want to hear more than one, then we may be up pretty late,” he said, leaning down and giving her a sweet peck to the lips. 
“You have a day off tomorrow right?” she asked inches from his face. 
“Yeah, but you don’t,” he chuckled. 
“What if I called in sick?” she grinned mischievously. 
“You would give yourself a whole sick day just because you want to stay up and here me ramble on about horrible women I dated in the past?” he laughed pulling her from her spot and wrapping his arms around her. They adjusted on the couch to where Bucky was laid across with his legs out and Y/N in between them leaning her back on his chest. This had become one of their, ‘let’s get comfortable because we may not be moving for a while’ positions. 
“Eh, it’s been super slow at work because my resources still haven’t come in. If anything I can tell them I’ll work from home since I’m ‘not feeling great’,” she air quoted. 
“So is this your way of asking me to stay over?” he said, turning his head down to see her face better. Her head was resting on his chest and she was using his torso as her support as she turned to look up at him. 
“Yes, please,” she grinned. 
He smiled at that before leaning down and making that peck from earlier last a little longer. 
“Sure thing, doll. I can’t say no to that face,” he chuckled, before placing an extra kiss to the top of her head. 
“Ok, so now we have all night. Your turn for bad date stories,” she said, snuggling into his body more and getting comfortable. 
“Ok…” he paused, thinking back. “Oh, God. This one’s bad and it involves your brother doing something embarrassing too.”
“Ah, and you’ve already’ve hooked me,” she jeered.
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eleanorfenyxwrites · 9 months ago
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@guqin-and-flute​ I hope you don’t mind that I jumped in on this one? It happened to hit my inspiration bone just right so I wrote a quick one-shot while procrastinating my college assignments.
(Edit: now on my AO3, titled, “You’ll Have To Trust Me”)
--
In retrospect, Nie Mingjue supposes, he should have known that it would just be their luck - his luck, really - that they would run into something like this.
Leave it to Jin Guangyao to find the perfect excuse for the three of them to get away from the overwhelming crush of their duties for a night only to just so happen to walk right into a fucking trap that has conveniently left himself and Lan Xichen blinded and Jin Guangyao apparently untouched.
Oh not that he’ll ever get Lan Xichen to believe it was a trap, of course. It was an ‘honest mistake’ as far as he’s concerned, which he’s currently reassuring Jin Guangyao of throughout all the other man’s outwardly anxious fretting.
“Er-ge are you really sure you’re alright? You’re not hurt anywhere?”
“A-Yao -” Lan Xichen’s voice is soft and warm and even though the kindness isn’t even directed at him it still feels like a warmed blanket around Nie Mingjue’s shoulders. Lan Xichen is just...like that. “I promise I’m alright, not even a scratch.”
There’s a pause and then a tentative, “Da-ge?” from much closer than he would have expected. He doesn’t flinch though. He won’t give Jin Guangyao the satisfaction.
“What?” he replies, his tone as curt as Lan Xichen’s was affectionate. He can practically feel the disapproval radiating off of Lan Xichen in response but that isn’t anything new with their new..situation. Nie Mingjue has already made his peace with the fact that he is likely going to spend the rest of his life upsetting his oldest friend in some way or another.
“You’re injured.”
“I know that!” 
“Mingjue-xiong? You’re hurt?” Lan Xichen suddenly pipes up and Nie Mingjue knows that the only reason there’s not an accompanying rustle of clothing and a gentle touch on his arm is because Lan Xichen is as sightless as he is at the moment and likely afraid to move too much.
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. Will you let me look at it?”
Nie Mingjue instinctively pulls his injured leg closer to himself and away from Jin Guangyao, biting his tongue instead of groaning when something grinds under the skin in a spot where he’s pretty sure nothing’s supposed to actually move.
“It’s fine. We just need to figure out how to break this fucking curse before something comes and eats us,” he grunts once he’s sure he can talk without screaming, dull flares of pain dragging up and down his entire left side, from toes to shoulder and back down again.
“Mingjue-xiong just let him look at it,” Lan Xichen sighs. “We’re not going anywhere for awhile anyway until we figure out how to do this safely.”
Nie Mingjue holds out in silence for another two minutes (he counts) before he relents with a nod. For a long moment he’s able to maintain the hope that Jin Guangyao wasn’t watching him to see it, but then there’s a quiet shuffling and small, cool hands are lifting the suspiciously sticky fabric of his trousers to take a look at his leg.
“What’s wrong? How bad is it?” Lan Xichen asks when Jin Guangyao sucks in a gasp and Nie Mingjue glares into the middle distance that he can’t fucking see because this spirit that Jin Guangyao just had to chase tonight blinded them and now he’s broken his fucking leg because of it. And he’s still somehow the only person in the world who doesn’t trust the oh-so-accommodating, oh-so-polite, oh-so-obsequious Jin Fucking Guangyao, so the chances that his accusations of trickery and malicious intent will be listened to are little to none.
He’s pissed, basically.
“That fucking HURTS Meng Yao!” he snaps, his voice too loud and sharp in his frustration at the burst of pain from whatever Jin Guangyao had just done to his leg. His hands go still and this time the quiet gasp comes from Lan Xichen.
“Mingjue-xiong,” he chastises as Jin Guangyao’s hands slowly pull away from his skin.
“It’s alright, er-ge,” he demurs and that tone gets under Nie Mingjue’s skin even more, that kicked puppy tone, that ‘I’m used to the world not respecting me’ tone that he always uses to get his way with Lan Xichen. Whether he does it on purpose or not (Nie Mingjue fucking knows he does) it’s exactly the right way to get Lan Xichen’s sense of propriety involved and suddenly Nie Mingjue is the one in the wrong for using his old name rather than his legitimized one. As if that name isn’t a slap in Jin Guangyao’s face all on its own, but no one but Nie Mingjue even seems to notice that bit. “His leg is broken and it’s gone through the skin. I need to go find something to make a splint with, I’ll do my best to stay within earshot.”
“Alright A-Yao,” Lan Xichen murmurs. “We’ll stay right here.” His smile is audible despite their circumstances and Nie Mingjue takes a deep breath in, squeezing his unseeing eyes shut. His anger won’t find a home here - not with these two as his companions practically drooling on each other with all their gooey affection in their own little world - but he doesn’t want to take it out on Lan Xichen anyways. He’s got quite a few things he’d like to take out on Jin Guangyao, but that would only end up hurting Lan Xichen as well, and his childhood friend doesn’t deserve that.
Jin Guangyao’s footsteps retreat through the underbrush, growing fainter and fainter until there’s nothing to hear but the wind through the trees.
“Mingjue-xiong,” Lan Xichen starts, his lecturing voice out in full force.
“Don’t. I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, Xichen! I know! I got it, it was just a slip of the tongue! Is your precious A-Yao the only one here allowed to make ‘an honest mistake’?!”
“Alright.”
They lapse into silence then, Nie Mingjue still breathing too fast and too hard but unable to stop. He’s angry, he’s in pain, and he’ll never admit it out loud but he’s afraid. Ever since he had woken up in the Scorching Sun Palace to find Lan Xichen defending Meng Yao so fiercely he had known he couldn’t count on Lan Xichen’s protection from the other, which meant that if he was to keep himself safe from Jin Guangyao’s scheming mind and murderous hands he would have to always maintain the upper hand. He can’t do that while injured and blinded and with Lan Xichen similarly incapacitated, the pair of them suddenly entirely reliant on Jin Guangyao.
It would be so easy for Jin Guangyao to arrange for an unfortunate ‘accident’ and get rid of him. He’d watched the man murder with the intention to frame someone else for his deeds. If he was willing to do it once, who’s to say he won’t be willing to do it again?
He’s on his own, and he honestly can’t say he enjoys the feeling.
“A-Yao?” Lan Xichen calls a few quiet minutes later, startling him out of his spiraling thoughts.
“I’m still here, er-ge,” comes the faint call from some distance away and Nie Mingjue hears a few dry leaves rustle as Lan Xichen shifts his weight, presumably turning in his direction even though he can’t see Jin Guangyao out in the trees. “It’s difficult finding sticks that are both as long as da-ge needs and as strong and also straight enough to be a splint. Are you both still alright?”
“Yes. Take your time,” Lan Xichen replies and then things are quiet again.
“You can’t really think this is a coincidence,” Nie Mingjue finally mutters, low enough not to carry too far beyond their spot. “Xichen, please. Just entertain the idea that this is all on purpose.”
“I can’t, Mingjue-xiong, I’m sorry.” And he really does sound remorseful about that, because of course he does. “I trust A-Yao. Accidents happen on night hunts all the time, and we three are not infallible. I am only relieved that he remains unaffected by this curse so that we have hopes of getting out of here safely.”
“And just why do you think he wasn’t affected?” Nie Mingjue can’t resist asking, beginning to become desperate to understand Lan Xichen’s way of thinking that can keep him from becoming in the least bit suspicious.
“We shielded him from it, of course.”
“I didn’t!”
“You did, Mingjue-xiong. You and I both.”
Nie Mingjue mentally replays the last moments before the world had gone dark. They’d been pursuing the spirit as it fled back towards where it had come from, all three of them running as fast as they could over unfamiliar, heavily wooded terrain. He’d seen the spirit whip back at the last moment, diving towards them rather than back into a stone hut nearly completely crumbled under moss. He remembers shouting for Lan Xichen to watch out and -
Yanking Jin Guangyao behind himself as he skidded to a stop next to Lan Xichen just in time for the spirit to slam into both of their chests and knock them all backwards.
He remembers the moments after that as well, his vision fading quicker than a candle guttering out. He had shoved Jin Guangyao at Lan Xichen just before everything had gone completely dark and his momentum had carried him over the edge of a small ravine. He had been the only one to fall into it, the others had joined him almost immediately after, but under their own power. 
Nie Mingjue growled low in his throat and pounded a fist against the soft earth beneath him once, irritated with himself for the moment of weakness; for his instinct to protect Jin Guangyao being stronger than anything else in him when it came right down to it.
He can’t admit to it.
“He’s smaller than us and he was lagging behind while we ran. We were in his way when the spirit turned and he couldn’t get around us, that’s all there is to it. We weren’t protecting him.”
“Alright,” Lan Xichen agrees far too easily and it’s clear by the tone of his voice that he knows Nie Mingjue is just trying to save face. He both loves and hates that knowing tone, as well as the fact that Lan Xichen doesn’t press him to tell the truth that they both know.
Nie Mingjue is thankfully saved from any further humiliation by footsteps returning through the brush and he sits up a little straighter, breath quickening again as he braces himself for the pain of having his leg shifted and splinted that he knows is imminent.
“I was looking for a crutch but nothing around here is sturdy enough for you, da-ge, you’ll probably have to lean on er-ge to walk,” Jin Guangyao supplies as he comes closer, stopping a few steps away. There’s the clatter of a few sticks being set down on the ground close to his leg and he forces himself not to flinch away from it. The movement would only hurt and it won’t stop what’s about to happen, so he holds himself still with a grim determination.
Jin Guangyao settles down near him again and his hands are back on his skin, his touch still featherlight and cool as he shifts his trousers up over his knee but now there’s a slight trembling in his fingers that Nie Mingjue can feel when the man places a hand flat on his shin just below his knee.
“I’m sorry, da-ge,” he whispers for Nie Mingjue’s ears alone. He doesn’t have a chance to reply before he’s letting loose a primal shout of pain that he has absolutely no control over whatsoever. He bites out a litany of swears next, his head swimming and unseeing eyes brimming with tears as the nearly unbearable flare of pain settles again.
“Mingjue!” Lan Xichen shouts and there’s the sound of movement from his direction.
“Over here, er-ge, take my hand. Don’t get too much closer or you’ll hit his leg.”
“A-Yao, give me one of his hands.”
There’s a bit of shuffling, the touch of two shaking fingers under his wrist, and then Jin Guangyao’s hesitant touch is replaced by the anxious surety of both of Lan Xichen’s surprisingly warm hands wrapping around his palm. He curls his fingers tightly around Lan Xichen’s palm in return, both to reassure him as well as to have something to hold onto as Jin Guangyao starts getting his leg splinted, every single touch against his skin like a line of throbbing fire. Somehow it hurts more when he can’t see what’s happening, can’t anticipate the next touch.
The fire starts to ease as he realizes Lan Xichen is passing him some of his own qi, two of his fingertips pressed firmly against the pulse point on his wrist. The thread of it is soothing, silvery blue where it slips along his meridians. It leaves the scent of fresh pine and the peculiar crispness of mountain air in his nose and on the back of his tongue in its wake as it chases away the sharpest pains and soothes the duller ones into a manageable ache.
None of them talk while Jin Guangyao methodically binds his leg and Lan Xichen tends to his pains as best as he can. When it’s finished Nie Mingjue hears Jin Guangyao murmur for Lan Xichen to stop before he exhausts himself too much to travel.
“I need you both to listen to me very carefully,” Jin Guangyao says, his tone perfectly even.
“Yes yes we know, you get to order us around to get us out of here - how lucky for you,” Nie Mingjue snaps, patience worn down to the absolute thinnest it’s been since he had been driven to threaten Jin Guangyao’s life in Qishan.
“No, I meant...well, yes. But..” Jin Guangyao sighs then, a heavy, world-weary thing. It’s been a very very long time since he’s heard Jin Guangyao - normally so silver-tongued - become tongue-tied over anything. He sounds exhausted.
Nie Mingjue is..dismayed but not surprised to realize that he can still be manipulated so easily by the other even when he can’t see him. Not that he’ll ever let on, of course, but that doesn’t mean the twinge of guilt at being part of the cause of that exhaustion isn’t real. “Let’s just get out of here first, I suppose. I have something to tell you when we return to the inn, and you’ll both have to listen to me. You’ll have to trust me.”
“We trust you, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen replies instantly. Both Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao’s silences speak volumes about what they think about that, but they both wisely say nothing. If there’s one thing the pair of them can agree on anymore it’s that Lan Xichen should be allowed to keep up his optimistic illusions about the world for as long as they can be maintained. He should always get to believe the best in everybody like he wants to.
Getting Nie Mingjue standing and propped up against Lan Xichen’s side for the return journey leaves him sweating and trembling but upright, and able to walk. Lan Xichen holds his free hand out to hold Jin Guangyao’s belt, Jin Guangyao warns them of any obstacles in their path, and Nie Mingjue does his best not to pass out.
They follow Jin Guangyao in this way back the way they had come, and while Nie Mingjue is constantly braced for something else to go wrong, after a small eternity they finally manage to return to the inn without further injury.
They agree to gather in Lan Xichen’s room, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue sitting on the bed and facing Jin Guangyao’s general direction, and Jin Guangyao begins to talk.
“Just trust me,” he reminds them once again. “There are a few things you should know.”
----
In the morning, a scrap of post is sent from the smallest, cheapest inn of a small town that sits precariously on the edge of the forest on the far border of Lanling. The letter is bound for the heart of the territory under the control of the Jin’s, and Jin money is spared for the extra expense of ensuring it will arrive as quickly as it can. 
The letter will reach Jin Guangshan in the afternoon just in time for his usual break for tea, and Jin Guangshan will sit on his throne in Jinlintai to read Jin Guangyao’s report that the plot Jin Guangshan had devised has worked to perfection, that Qinghe Nie will no longer be a threat to his position. That he is retreating to Gusu to ostensibly grieve with his remaining sworn brother while doing his best to gain whatever secrets he can from their library to further secure their position at the top of the world.
Shortly after the letter begins its hurried journey to Jinlintai, three heavily cloaked figures - two tall, one short; one limping, one supporting, and one guiding - quietly slip away to begin their own journey in the opposite direction, bound for the safety that only the Gusu Lan can provide to shelter them while they plan just what, exactly, the three of them are going to do next.
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snflwrkenma · 2 months ago
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self ship september: day 1 - embarrassed w hinata shoyo
now playing: crush - yuna, usher
cw: just some good ole embarrassed sho nd some light teasing from f!reader<3
word count: 672
sss m.list | day 2
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finally.
you breathe a sigh of relief as you finally reach your destination. how many times have you been in this arena? and how many times have you explored the many twists and turns and wrong rooms that lead to the guys’ locker room? countless times. so why have you still not memorized the path from your seat to the sweat scented and loud changing room? who kno-
“yeah, y/n isn’t gonna wait forever.”
‘me? was that ‘tsumu? why is ‘tsumu talking about me? and why is he so loud?’ slightly out of breath and a little confused about the conversation you’ve stumbled upon, you lean on the wall about a foot away from the locker room’s entryway. steadily, the voices of your friends increase in volume as they make their way into the hallway. your heart beats wildly in your chest as you realize they’re heading towards you. ‘oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. why are they leaving so soon?’ you try to will yourself to do something; move further away, run down the hallway, literally anything, but it’s too late. your friends are now within view, three of whom you make eye contact with.
“i know she isn’t going to wait forever, but how exactly am i supposed to tell her that i’m literally in love with her and that i have been since high school. how the hell am i supposed to tell her that i look forward to texting her right when i wake up and right before i go to sleep? how do i tell her that she fills my thoughts during the day and my dreams at night? i seriously don’t think i could ever do it.” shoyo ends his rant with a heavy sigh; slightly relieved he was able to finally tell someone just how much you mean to him.
“did you really mean it, sho?” the feeling that courses through shoyo’s body is indescribable; a red hot flood of embarrassment, panic, shock… and relief?
“u-uh… uhm.. i can’t just pretend that i didn’t say all of that, huh?”
“nope.” with a shake of your head and a bright smile, you push yourself off of the wall.
“good luck, bud.” kiyoomi says to shoyo as he pats your shoulder and begins his walk out of the lower area of the arena.
“tell us about it later.” atsumu winks at the both of you before jogging to catch up with kiyoomi.
“see ya! bye, y/n!” bokuto is the last to leave the two of you; with a giant wave of his hand, he’s off to catch up with his other friends.
“bye, guys!”
“so…” shoyo begins.
“so…” you repeat.
“let’s say, hypothetically of course, that i did mean everything i said. how would you feel about that?”
“words wouldn’t be able to describe just how happy i would be,” you answered truthfully, your cheeks starting to increase in temperature. “hypothetically, of course.”
“great, then,” you watch as the light pink hue dusted across his cheeks and the tips of his ears turn a bright red, “yes. i meant every word i said.”
“i’m glad you did.”
a moment of silence falls over the both of you; both of you too shy to say what needed to be said next.
“so, what does this mean for us? are we like dating now?” shoyo is the first to speak up.
“do you want to be datin-“
“yes.” clearing his throat, he tries again, a little more nonchalant this time. “i mean, yeah. sure, it’s whatever.”
“then we’re dating.”
“good.” he says with a nod of his head.
“good.” you say with a nod of yours.
more silence passes as the two of you walk hand and hand out of the arena, content and excited smiles on both of your faces. unable to control yourself, you speak up,
“so you think about me all day and night, huh?”
“y/nnnnnnn.”
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bunnii’s notes: yes m posting day 1 on the 5th nd yes m gonna post days 2-5 today as well :D but hey, what can i say? m a ✨procrastinator✨ anyways! i hope u enjoyed nd i hope u come back for the rest of my sss drabbles<333 MWAHHH
taglist: @kroerms @whorefornoodles @ebiharachan @fairybnha3 @weyheyavengers
general taglist signup<3
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yougurtella · 7 months ago
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hot take (or tea) of the day from me:
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Both apple and raven want what they want and would do mostly anything to get it (mostly apple, but i’ll explain raven later).
Apple White is ambitious, maybe not always, but definitely with the things she wants. She wants people to be safe, yes, but she also wants to be safe as well. Of course, Apple wants everyone to be safe, that’s why she is destined to be a great Queen for her future kingdom. But do you know why she’s so stuck on her destiny?
If you read The Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale, we discover that when Apple was young, she fell into a well, and was stuck there for a long time (not super long, probably a few hours, I’m writing this from memory). That scarred her, and as a result, convinced her to think that her destiny is the only thing that can keep her safe (we also know that she was groomed to be a prim and proper destiny-following-princess since she was born, so all her life she’s been convinced her destiny is the only way to live). Same with following the rules. If you follow the rules, you’re bound to stay out of trouble and safe and sound, right? And as we’ve seen, Apple will do anything to stay safe. She was instructed to pretty much manipulate Raven into following her destiny, and even tried to follow through with it (she also joined Raven on her journey to find clues about the sisters that disappeared after legacy day when refusing to follow their destinies. all throughout that journey, Apple is also trying to convince Raven her story is the one she needs to follow). She is constantly questioning Raven, trying to find a fault in her thinking (these are the only examples i can think of right now, but if you have any more, feel free to mention some). And we get to Dragon Games. Apple meets the Evil Queen, who manipulates Apple into breaking her out of the mirror (you can find a clip of it on youtube, or netflix):
Evil Queen: “Oh I’m sorry, I thought maybe you were like your mother. When her time came, your mother embraced her fairytale destiny. She did whatever it took.”
Apple: “I am not afraid. I will do whatever it takes. And I am like my mother, and my destiny is mine!”
Just noting how she reacted to what the evil queen said. she could have brushed it off, or have said, “i may be like my mother, but i don’t want you to be an option to help me achieve my destiny”. but Apple reacted so...so angrily. She just burst into aggression and threw the Apple at the mirror.
We also see that Snow White tries manipulating Apple into forcing others to follow her destiny. (“Perhaps there is some way you could nudge Raven towards evil?...remember, she’s still her mother’s daughter!”) I have a feeling Snow’s been doing this ever since Apple could comprehend words. Apple definitely seems like she would’ve been that annoying kid on the playground that would’ve been like “You need to follow your destiny or else I’m telling the teacher!”
Anyways, Apple has definitely had some hard times, (which don’t justify her actions, but could have led her to realize that she needs to change. not just for the heck of it, but to become a better person; to become a better queen. also jesus, if EAH wasn’t cancelled she would’ve had an amazing character arc i just know it—) but anyway. She’s had some traumatic moments in her past, and we’ve only seen a glimpse of how Snow White raised her, there’s definitely some stiff linings in that relationship. It seems more like a business relationship than a loving Mother-Daughter one.
Which leads me to Raven Queen. If you read the books, you’ll also know that throughout Raven’s life, she’s always questioned destiny, and instead has used the word “choice” in her vocabulary. Her mother has seemed to be absent most of the time, whether because she was in “evil meetings”, doing Queen duty, or being trapped in her mirror. I don’t think that has impacted Raven’s opinion on destiny, the only way it’s impacted her it’s probably the absence of love from a mother. Raven doesn’t like her destiny because she knows she has it in her that she couldn’t go through with evil-doing. We know that too (especially in WTW, when Apple tells her “This isn’t you, you’re about choosing your destiny, and breaking binds and whatever” and Raven goes back to normal).
Anyways, back to Raven possibly being a Slytherin.
She’s also demonstrated that she’s ambitious, I mean, she entered a talent show wanting to perform a (quote on quote from Headmaster Grimm) “non-evil” song, and stuck with it until Sparrow got to her. She’s always letting people know they have a choice (maybe sometimes a little forcefully, but it’s not as bad as Apple). She even went on a journey (in the Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale), sneaking out of the school, breaking multiple rules, to prove that you don’t “poof” when you refuse to follow your prewritten story. She’s quick to correct people on the fact that she won’t be following her destiny; but Legacy Day is a bigger example of her ambition. She knew about the legends and rumors of your demise when refusing to follow in the footsteps of your parents, yet took that chance anyways, putting many peoples lives into harms way (granted, it never happened, but they didn’t know whether they’d poof or not). That’s hardcore though. Imagine making a choice about your life, that could have people’s lives be ruined, or worse, dispelled (haha get it? dis-spelled?), and you take the route of putting people in harm’s or deaths way. Thats incredibly selfish, but also quite heroic. (there’s so many discussions to be held about the ethics of EAH, i’m so mad the fandom isn’t bigger because we could have so many videos and essays about this wonderful story) Raven took a stand, feeling ambitious enough to say “No” to a predetermined life. Round of applause for her.
I’ve realized that i’ve probably written more about Apple (because she is one of my favorites), and I didn’t have a lot of evidence for Raven, just feelings and opinions. But anyway, this was mostly for fun and to procrastinate on schoolwork lmao.
Keep in mind this was just a fun silly thing to do, to start a friendly and respectful discussion. I don’t want any people saying how Apple is a horrible person and how she’d be say “all lives matter” and be a white supremacist. She wouldn’t. Her destiny is to be there for others, and to be the kindest and fairest in the land.
So maybe Raven would be a Gryffindor instead. Apple could easily be a Gryffindor as well, heck, I see both Raven and Apple being in any of the houses in Hogwarts (it would make sense for Raven to be a RAVENclaw hahahah—ok ill stop). They both have demonstrated key traits for each houses.
So what do you guys think? Would Raven and Apple be Slytherins? Do you have a different house you think they’d suit more?
I honestly think that if EAH and Hogwarts had a crossover, Apple would definitely convince Headmaster Grimm and the Sorting Hat to place Raven in the same house as her (because you know, she wants Raven to follow her destiny). I also think it’d be a funny bit.
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