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munchkin1156 · 7 months

Note

Any G/T OCs?

Thank you anon, for this chance to finally infodump about my g/t ocs! Just a fair warning, this miiight get long, we’ll see! (I have a lot of em.. So the short answer to your question, yes I do. The long ones under the cut…)

First off, we have my sona, Munchkin :D

(It’s a rather messy sketch, sorry about that)

Munchkin’s a sizeshifting borrower from the sacred realm, destined to try hard and fail.

She’s gotten backstabbed and killed too many times to count, the only thing keeping her alive is Amble, Red, and the group of friends she made as a person wearing a sparkly box from the silent realm.

✨anon✨’s design is interesting, because she’s still mostly herself, with her tail and personality, whereas most people would get consumed, considering it’s a pretty strong mask… huh, strange.

(Just to be clear, I’m not covering all my oc’s, just a few of them, because I’d rather not have over ten thousand words on this post accidentally)

We have Charlie and Adre, from UCD, links to chapter one and two here and here (it’s earlier on in my writing phase, so I’m warning you they aren’t very good, also it’s mainly been Charlie, with only a slight mention of Adre but oh well-)

Let’s have a spoiler for chapter three, shall we?

(A big thank you to my sister @huggablecat for editing this, she’s not a bot I swear- I’m horrible at digital art so thanks to her for taking the sketch and doing something amazing with it… she’s not ever going to see this but oh well-)

Charlie is a Dreamer, which is a small avian race that hates humans for burning the Astrodaryn forest and attempting to destroy all magic, forcing them to flee to the sky. The seeds they have hanging around their neck are from the forest, it’s where their magic comes from.

The goal is to get rid of the humans, and replant the forest. Read the first two chapters for more information.

Meanwhile…

Adre is a human that is called cursed due to his eyes. His pitch black eyes with white pupils, so therefore a lot of people assume he’s magic/dangerous and he gets outcasted.

I don’t want to say too much about him, I want to keep him a surprise for the most part, but let’s just say he finds a small bird person and the authorities aren’t very happy about that…

I have more ocs for this story, but they have not appeared yet/I haven’t made drawings of them/I don’t feel like looking for drawings rn :D

MOVING ON-

Vampire person? For a fake fic title that’s so old Becky probably forgot they gave it to me? Don’t mind if I do~

This is Jamie. They’re sick of being a vampire, sick of living forever, sick of having no one to care about. Aaaaand then they meet a group of friends that will change that forever.

It’s like, small vampire appears on YouTube, group of friends find them there, make videos together, while hiding the fact that they are small + a vampire, and as they grow more and more attached, the fear only grows…

Now, I’m getting tired and I have homework to do (WHYYYYYYYY) and things to memorise for tomorrows test, which is absolutely amazing, but it means I can’t make more detailed descriptions, so I’m just gonna dump a bunch of art, please ask questions about them if you want!

Anyways, let’s get started….

(That one’s not an oc, it’s for the dystopian au but I figured I might as well put it here)

Aaaand that’s all I can find! (For now)

Hope you like these anon, and uh… for the people that I’ve made digital art for/going to make digital art for, if it seems significantly worse, it’s cause I suck at digital art.

I’m really really bad at it. Sorry.

Kindest regards, Munchkin.

(OH SHIT WAIT THE TAGLIST-)

@i-am-beckyu, @da3dm, @brick-a-doodle-do, @faeiyn-cant-write yooooo check this outtt

Oh wow the taglist is getting longer-

If you want to be tagged, just dm, comment, or ask me!

Gooooooodbye!

(that’s supposed to sound like how grian says it, okay? OKAY?)

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serinemolecule · 3 years

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Not to harp on the obvious, but the discussion feels hollow without it: the only reason some people - not all, maybe not most, but definitely some - push for "equality" and "inclusiveness" and etc. in tech is because it's seen as a desirable and powerful position. No one's been belly-aching about it back when it was fashionable to tell nerds to stop being fat and ugly and what a bunch of losers they are. It's only up for discussion now that there's something to be gained from it. It's hypocrisy.

(context: a lot of women-in-tech discourse)

I mean, I was belly-aching about it.

I like to say I was a feminist until I met other feminists. I definitely saw plenty of things nerds could be doing better for equality. But then the first time I met other feminists, they were harassing nerds and writing long essays about how nerds were even worse than average men (which still seems to me like an absolutely insane position).

That was... a really big crisis of faith there. I spent years reading feminist literature, trying to understand their point. And the crazy thing was, a lot of the principles and concepts do appeal to me. But then the way they’d apply it, talking about how privileged nerds were, or just using it as an excuse to be assholes to people, that’s always seemed wrong to me.

My approach at the time was just to try to understand it better in private, and never talk about it in public. This lasted until I read the SSC essays on social justice which I entirely agreed on, then I joined Tumblr to hit on Scott, and since then I started getting more comfortable with writing out my thoughts, but also the really bad SJ of the early 2010s just mostly faded away from the spaces I’m in. I still hear insane stories from other places (like the New York Times! wtf!) but it no longer feels like a crisis afflicting my own community, so I never wrote anything out.

Part of it’s that my community is the rats, now. SJWs may still exist here, but they don’t have a social power to turn us against each other. Whatever effect Topher’s tweet had on the rest of the world, it means he’s no longer welcome among rats anymore. We dismiss them with equanimity using the ancient proverb, “Haters gonna hate”.

Anyway, I suppose now’s as good a time as any for me to talk about what I think about feminist theory.

I get the impression that Scott is embarrassed by his old posts on gender politics, but I still endorse every word. Even the words people like to criticize the most, I endorse as an angry expression of “Why don’t you care about how many people your ideology is hurting?” That said:

Privilege theory – I remember encountering privilege theory and thinking “yes, this totally fits the model that normies are privileged and nerds are marginalized”, until I got to the part where they started talking about how privileged nerds were. I think the theory is still pretty good, and of course the practice about writing privilege checklists and using it to silence people is incredibly fucked up.

Patriarchy theory – Fortunately, no one talks about patriarchy theory anymore. It came from the radfems and it always seemed horrible to me. It's uncontroversially true that ruling class is mostly male, but patriarchy theory seems to just equivocate between that and insane conspiracy theories.

For example, “culture is built for the benefit of men at the expense of women” requires you to just dismiss everything that hurts men and helps women, to excuse that fashion policing is nearly solely perpetuated by other women, and even if it’s true, the fact that it is perpetuated by everyone means pointing the finger at a specific group will not help fix the problem. Did Kamala Harris exercise “girl power” when she kept black prisoners in jail past their release date?

Cultural appropriation – The usual steelman I hear for this is “it sucks when white people take your culture for themselves, and yet still call it cringe when you practice your own culture” – but the only objectionable part is the latter! Stop objecting to the former part! There’s nothing wrong with culture mixing and it is in fact one of the most beautiful things in the world!

Part of it’s that I’m a first-gen immigrant, and cultural appropriation attitudes often come from insecurities second-gen immigrants have. Cultural appropriation just means I’m now an expert on your new culture and you’re not allowed to stop me from infodumping on it.

The other steelman is “misusing religious artifacts is bad” and I think to the extent that it’s bad, it’s bad whether you’re doing it to your own culture or to other cultures.

In general I think Halloween was, among other things, a great celebration of diversity that did not need to be cancelled, and I don’t think any costume was offensive to the majority of any culture.

Intersectionality – This word confused me for so long. People kept explaining it as “black women often have problems specific to their group that neither women’s groups nor black groups themselves are equipped to fight” which just seemed obviously true and didn’t seem like we needed a word for it.

Over the years, I’ve seen it be used as a reminder of “don’t forget how your activism affects other marginalized groups”, so it’s probably a useful concept to keep around.

Microaggressions – I think being oblivious to microaggressions is an autism thing, but I still think it’s insane to make them a political issue. Sure, you can vent about them, but acting like they’re on par with actual aggressions just seems like a losing cause.

On second thought, I don’t think I have a problem with making them a political issue in general. I think the whole tactic of SJWs being a hateful harassment mob makes the microaggressions thing just come off as especially petty.

I also think there’s a lot of competing access needs here. I actually really like infodumping about what kind of Asian I am to anyone willing to listen, and I think acting like the question is the root of all evil is really unfair, especially since literally everyone who’s ever asked has been happy to learn about the finer points about Chinese ethnic groups.

Isms as prejudice + power – People have mostly stopped discoursing about this, which is good. Language policing always seemed bad to me.

Objectification – SSC says everything I feel on the topic: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/03/17/my-objections-to-objectification/

The last time this came up in Discord, people said that objectification is more than the straw-man being criticized in this article, that it’s about people being entitled to your body or whatever. But I think the article does address that: “This is obviously a legitimate complaint. It’s just not a complaint about objectification.”

I got exposed to objectification as a criticism of hot girls in video games. And I just can’t see hot girls in video games as a bad thing.

Rape culture – [cw rape] This is an incredibly sensitive subject so I’m going to give you some time to stop reading here.

Our culture has a serious problem with rape. I think it’s important to understand that it’s usually committed by friends and family, that it’s depressingly common and has nearly definitely happened to people you know, that it’s usually committed by people who don’t think of what they’re doing as rape, and that all the discourse on it is really fucked up.

I also think that calling this “rape culture” entirely misses the point. I’m sympathetic that SSC doesn’t understand it: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/19/i-do-not-understand-rape-culture/

Our problem isn’t that we glorify rape. Our problem is that we consider it a special kind of evil so bad that of course no normal person would ever do it, and this makes it easy to rationalize that whatever this normal person did couldn’t have been rape, which causes huge harms.

I don’t have answers, but I think it’s incredibly clear that calling it “rape culture” doesn’t help.

In general, I don’t think feminist activism on the topic of rape goes in the right direction. The smug “consent is like tea” video has the exact same problem. People don’t need to hear more “normal people would never rape” messaging.

#gender politics

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aliensnipe · 6 years

Text

Tagged by: @soysaucevictim

Rules: Write the first 10 songs that come up on shuffle and quote your favorite lyrics from each. Then tag 10 people.

(I do not tag. I am tag-agnostic. But I want YOU to do this. Yes, YOU. Pleaz. =3)

I had to skip instrumentals, natch. They’re in italics below, if you’re curious.

Kenzo - “Sora ni Hikaru” (Neo-Progressive)

1. They Might Be Giants - “Fingertips” (Comedy / Alternative Rock)

I heard a sound

I turned around

I turned around to find the thing that made the sound

(...John and John, you utter trolls. X3 The ONE song (or series of songs... or series of three- to four-second musical phrases) that makes this meme break down. I could infodump about “Fingertips” all day, but we’re short on time, so just message me or something if you wanna know what I’m rambling about.)

2. Angelique Kidjo - “Try Everything” (Afropop)

Birds don’t just fly

They fall down and get up

Nobody learns

Without getting it wrong

(I’m really beginning to like Angelique Kidjo, but I need to track down more of her original work, because most of what I’ve heard from her is covers. Like, say, the above.)

Toby Fox - “Reunited” (Chiptune)

3. Serenity - “Wings of Madness” (Symphonic Power Metal)

Out on the silent battlefield

While the killing work is done

And the crimson haze is gone

Still lies the deadly sword I wield

And I’m dreaming of your face

Have begun to count the days

4. Eskaton - “Automute” (Zeuhl)

Je mate et puis j'imite

Ceux qui creent, ca m'epate

Moi je sais pas j'imite

Je copie, j'automate

(...this is less “my favorite lyric” than “the one thing I can find a reference for with my utter ignorance of French”)

5. Rush - “Halo Effect” (Hard Rock)

What did I see, fool that I was

A goddess with wings on her heels

All my illusions projected on her

The ideal that I wanted to see

6. The Psychedelic Furs - “Pretty in Pink” (New Wave)

The one who insists he was first in her line is the last to remember her name

He’s walking around in this dress that she wore

She’s gone, but the joke’s the same

7. Joe Dolce - “Shaddap You Face” (Comic)

What’samatta you, HEY! Gotta no respect

Whaddaya think you do, why you looka so sad

It’s a not so bad, it’s a nice-a place

Ah, shaddap a-you face!

(...cut me some slack. It can’t be multi-layered prog rock and death metal alla time)

8. Yes - “Parallels” (Art Rock)

It's the beginning of a new love in sight You've got the way to make it all happen Set it spinning turning roundabout Create a new dimension When we are winning we can stop and shout Making love towards perfection

9. Elvis Costello - “She” (Singer-songwriter)

She may be the reason I survive The why and wherefore I'm alive The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years

Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears

And make them all my souvenirs And where she goes I've got to be The meaning of my life is she

10. The Smashing Pumpkins - “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” (Alternative Rock)

The world is a vampire

Sent to drain

Secret destroyers

Hold you up to the flames

And what do I get

For my pain

Betrayed desires

And a piece of the game

11. Spock’s Beard - “Afterthoughts” (Progressive Rock)

To keep them out, I keep me in

‘cause they don’t get to hear the things I know

The bats up in this belfry

Fly in circles ‘cause they don’t know where to go

12. Opeth - “The Drapery Falls” (Progressive Metal)

Pull me down again

And guide me into

ah ah ah, ah-ah ah ah, ah-ahhh...

The Seventy Sound - “Bluephoria” (Library Music)

13. Premiata Forneria Marconi - “Geranio” (Progressive Rock)

Balla piano nella via Balla il vento della notte Balla un sogno che non c'è più Balla l'ombra della luna Sfiora il tempo la fortuna Balla piano, balla laggiù

(I don’t speak Italian, either, so this is the same situation as the Eskaton lyrics. Though I will say that these refrains are quite pretty in translation.)

Brand X - “Red” (Jazz Fusion)

14. The Psychedelic Furs - “India” (New Wave)

All the women form a line

Put your face upon a line

This is for the discotheque

This is stupid, I object

15. Alabama Shakes - “Gimme All Your Love” (Funk)

So much is goin’ on

But you can always come around

Why don’t you sit with me just a little while

Tell me what’s wrong

If you just gimme all your love

Gimme all you got, baby

Gimme all your love

15. Golden Earring - “Radar Love” (Classic Rock)

Radio playin’ that forgotten song

Brenda Lee comin’ on strong

And the newsman sang his same song

One more radar lover gone

16. Wolfmother - “Joker and the Thief” (Garage Rock)

Can you see the joker flying over

As she’s standing in a field of clover

Watching out every day

Wonder what would happen if he took her away

(...and they NEVER TELL US ALL THE STORY ‘BOUT THE JOKER AND THE THIEF IN THE NIGHT. NO, I’M NOT LETTING THIS GO.)

Gryphon - “Second Spasm” (Symphonic Rock)

17. Sonata Arctica - “My Land” (Power Metal)

My own land has closed its gates on me

All alone, in world that’s scaring me

I am here to prove you wrong

I’m accused of something, I live on

(...having been kicked out of home at a relatively young age, this song gives me Feelings)

Yes - “Mood for a Day” (Art Rock)

18. Yes - “Heart of the Sunrise” (Art Rock)

Love comes to you, then after

Dream on, on to the heart of the sunrise

Lost on a wave that you’re dreaming

Dream on, on to the heart of the sunrise

Sharp distance

How can the wind with its arms around me...

Sharp distance

How can the wind with so many around me...

(damn! Spotify shuffle really hittin’ the Yes tonight!)

19. Barclay James Harvest - “Who Do We Think We Are” (Progressive Rock)

All around we're travelling the universe Do we believe there's someone watching over us Can we be sure? Who do we think we are?

20. Rush - “Heresy” (Hard Rock)

The counter-revolution

People smiling through their tears

Who can give them back their lives

And all those wasted years?

All those wasted years

All those precious, wasted years

Who will pay?

#music meme #necessary readmore #lyrics

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nukaworld · 7 years

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How are doing your Nuka World with Tracie? Are you rewriting Todd's Canon?

Yes and no. Honestly this will get long so if you are willing to read please I’ll put this under the cut. Warning for a bit of Fallout 4 critical there, though not anything too much.

Nuka World and Far Harbor were the two “big” story driven DLCs but I think they were both sort of an experiment over us as the community to see what the people want. Nuka World had a huge map with so many new and colorful things, a lot of world building and lore to explore, and also added the option to be “evil” and had absolute endings - join the raiders or kill the raiders. However because of this it sacrificed plot and characters.

Far Harbor was a more plot oriented DLC where the world building wasn’t as vast though it was still pretty great and the focus was more on making three dimensional and likable characters (and ALL of them are, I love everyone in Far Harbor) as well as many endings because I think Far Harbor has 7 endings + 2 optional ones where you destroy Acadia with either the Institute or the Brotherhood of Steel. So that’s 9 endings compared to Nuka World’s 2. For this it sacrificed quests because it was a rather short DLC but it tired doing everything the main game was criticized for. And if you ask me Far Harbor succeeded and I think Far Harbor is amazing and yes I would change few things there too but overall I think its a great DLC and with 94% positive reviews on Steam I hope Bethesda follows this road for Fallout 5 some day.

Now back at where I come in. Nuka World’s black and white ending irritated me. So that’s the only thing I changed. I made it so that some of the raider’s don’t die, and instead they perhaps change their ways or leave. I don’t like that the Open Season quest is basically you going around a theme park massacring people. Yes some of the raiders are terrible people but other’s are just doing shit to survive - they were either born or raised as raiders and never knew anything else. Some might even try to reform. So my changes in my playthrough are that Tracie gives the Minutemen some cheesy Disney speech how they are no different from “us” and that they surrendered and the leaders are dead and most scattered and maybe not massacre the small people that were just following orders. And then she decides to turn the entire park into a settlement as well as a huge trading center for the East Coast - the raiders that wanted to follow her decided to work on some of the attractions she re-opened and change their ways. The others left were banished from the Commonwealth - but point being there was no need for bloodshed, not as much as the game.

As for overall I feel like Nuka World tried too hard to be edgy and pull some Suicide Squad kind of Hot Topic bullshit and listen I am a very edgy person myself but even I think it just tried too hard. Yes the raider groups were funny, but it’s unrealistic to have the Sole Survivor suddenly become Queen/King Fuckface of the Wasteland and lead an army of raiders into the Commonwealth since like few months ago (in their mind) they were a middle classed suburban family. It’s not realistic to the already flawed narrative Todd gave us to begin with.

Also I think Gage’s character was a bit poorly written in the sense of his motivation to stick with the Overboss, it feels really weak to me. You are forced to talk as if you want to take over Nuka World with the raiders and he just kind of blindly follows and honestly Gage isn’t as dumb as people portray him, he is pretty smart for a raider for what I’ve gathered. So him sticking with you while he betrayed Colter, while it has some explanation is incredibly weak. Also I know I will get a lot of fire for this so I’m really sorry in advance but I don’t think Gage romance was necessary. He doesn’t strike me as the type and it felt really half baked and “edgy” and lmao I don’t like badmouthing anyone for their interests but the worst thing’s in Gage fandom came directly from the romance and there are few mutuals of mine here who have nice Gage romances and head canons and I like them, but just open AO3 and bask in the mischaracterization and weird Joker/Harley Quinn-esque shit. So I can just say they did Gage dirty too, a lot.

And worst of all unless you are a ride or die Preston fan like me, you will miss the fact that Preston is Gage’s contrast as in Preston is supposed to be your companion through the park if you decide to wipe the Raiders. He has so far as I’ve discovered four new lines of dialogue specifically for Nuka World! I have that post here if you wanna read. And that is not made clear at all? In the game? At all? So much that not even the wiki people know he has four new lines of dialogue? No one took the love of my life Preston to Nuka World? I digress, but you get my point. The plot was just not the focus so it butchered these characters. Also the Raider bosses have a lot of personality but unless you play a raider, you really don’t get to see it. Probably if you play as a raider you get to see it and realize it’s not that good. So I feel bad for the nice concepts of characters stuck in this DLC.

Now as for Tracie, first i’m gonna tag @star-lord since they asked me about this yesterday (I hope this is okay!), but back to Tracie, she is a good person, and neither me nor her would ever agree to help raider’s enslave and murder people for whatever reason, I had to work around on my playthrough to justify it with a story. I cleared the park with Gage as a companion cause I paid like 20$ for this shit and I needed to get my content. And I somehow maxed out my affinity with him through I guess really lucky strategic lockpicking. Then I got the Open Season from the lady at the Market and well....you know how it goes from this point on :/ So story wise Tracie would absolutely argue with Preston on this matter because she thinks she can “help” the raiders at Nuka World become better people. And she genuinely thinks she can make a change without bloodshed and Preston is a good and hopeful soul, but I’m afraid he knew better than her on this one.

Still he was fine with trying because he doesn’t want to kill unless he has to but still they are raiders. So she goes at Nuka World and she accepts being Overboss and tries befriending Gage in her own kind of silly ways. I am pretty sure Gage despite being a raider is smarter than her, she is just kind of not that smart and also very naive but her heart is in the right place. And she will clear out the park with Gage and I am pretty sure she will grow on him like a little kid or a little sister cause she is much younger. And then she presents him with her plan which he knows its not gonna work and not only that he won’t let it work. And I am working on the details on my plot here but she eventually does come with the Minutemen to Nuka World to stop the raiders, Gage does turn to her and yeah she does have to fight him :/ I love the angst though, she considered him to be her friend and she thought he was changed, that he became good. And I think this taught her a very, very valuable lesson that not everyone can be changed by “the power of friendship” and she needs to be more careful who she trusts. Because I make Disney features exclusively Gage doesn’t die but he fucks off somewhere far away and he still remains an antagonist from start to finish. And Tracie as I said above frees the merchants, instead of killing the raiders offers them to work in the park or leave the Commonwealth with their heads and turns Nuka World into a huge settlement/trading center/city. Oh and they are cool with Preston in the end, they still love each other. So yay! Happy ending!

I just felt like writing a friend to enemy arc for once and I felt that Gage is not the character to get a redemption arc. He shows no remorse for his raider life and in fact he willingly joined it. He is living by those ideals and has been for all of his life so stripping him of that with some half baked redemption arc will ruin his character in my opinion. This doesn’t mean he cannot love or like the Sole Survivor, I’m just saying unlike me making the ex-antagonists from FNV and FO4 (Benny, Ulysses, X6) into friends or at least weird uncles to the protagonists in all my stories, I wanted to not do that for once and I think it fits Gage.

So that’s all I will probably infodump the details of this story someday like all Disney and stuff, but I am testing the grounds because I really don’t want someone coming at me for I don’t know “demonizing” or “vilifying” Gage or whatever.

#Anonymous

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lotrewrite · 7 years

Text

Well, here’s my comments! Feel free to message me with any questions or for clarification of anything

Overall, this is really solid you guys.

The biggest issue is just fleshing some of the episodes out a bit. Character arcs are nicely done and the character stuff is spread out surprisingly well. In general, I think there’s a little more focus on Mick and Len than the others, and Amaya could probably be given a slightly larger role, but overall I’m impressed. Writing a team and giving them all equal focus is really hard. I’m so excited this is already so good

(Also like three of these episodes are set in times/places related to special interests I’ve had over the years so if I start getting caught up in historical details that’s why)

I haven’t looked at other people’s feedback yet, cause I didn’t want to be influenced so sorry if I’m just repeating stuff

LOTREWRITE: Yay, more comments! Sorry about the delay in posting these, all!

Episode 1:

- I love the opening sequence with Kendra A+

- How has Nate’s pencil lasted so long? It has to be at least 20 years old, right? A pen might be more plausible but have the same basic narrative effect. If you’re keeping the dog tags bit from the original though it might be best to cut it the reference to it being from his grandfather entirely or have it be a replica or something. Best to focus on a single sentimental object.

- The banter is flawless and in character. Nice!

- Thawne’s explanation is a bit of an infodump. That’s gonna need to be reworked into more of a dialogue, at the very least. It would probably be better to show it somehow. Maybe show the Black Flash appearing a few seconds after Thawne leaves, then disappearing just as quickly? Darhk can research it on his own and then explain it to someone later, for those viewers who aren’t familiar with the concept from The Flash.

- “Damien Darhk?” Stein asks. “As in –” “The man who murdered your sister,” Rip says. I assume we’re talking about Laurel, but this makes it sound like Darhk murdered Stein’s sister.

- “I never did” Talk about OUCH. This is amazing.

Episode 2

- Some clarification on when and where “the infirmary” is would be good, as well as what Jax and Stein’s history here is, but I figure that will be added as this is fleshed out

- Same with “decision makers”

- I vote yes on “not drinking and driving” quip that’s excellent

- Bambi is adorable

- Make sure when you’re researching the crusades to look at things from multiple perspectives. This seems like it could very easily fall into a very generic “Good Christians” vs “Evil non-Christians” crusade narrative and that’s… less than ideal. There was a lot of politics surrounding the crusades, even if you’re just focusing on the Christians. That might also help provide a motive for your dissenter? Someone who thinks these soldiers should be back at home looking after things there instead of invading a foreign nation to secure power and riches for the church? Someone who’s been convinced that the crusaders have no divine right to this land and that they should leave it to the people who actually live there? Could maybe be a place to start setting up some doing what’s “right” vs doing what’s supposed to happen conflict? This is obviously just an outline so maybe you’re already planning something like that but I figured I’d mention it

- I’m a fan of Bambi not dying

- I love Firestorm as an angel that’s an amazing idea in so many ways A++++

- Mick roasting a T-Rex with his gun heck yeah

Episode 3:

- I love Sara’s canary pendant

- Continuity issue: in episode 1, Mick punches Rex and that’s about the extent of their interaction. Not much of a basis for the trust he seems to be showing in this ep.

LOTREWRITE: Possibly we could make it more explicit that Rex noticed that the bomb the JSA were tracking was discharged harmlessly after Mick said he went after it, thus the trust?

- Yay for bi Sara!

- The Sara and Amaya scene sounds like it’s gonna be so cute

- Ray’s speech to Nate about heroism is really solid

- I see now why it’s a pencil, but I’m still not loving the idea. Does it just magically never get not sharpened? Has Nate never noticed? Does he sharpen it and lose tiny fragments of the spear every time? Am I being too nitpicky?

- Love the mention of non-fighting military personnel

- Mick is starting to feel like he’s taking over the story a little too much here maybe, especially considering that he’s been the most major character in the previous episodes as well, while Jax and Stein seem almost nonexistent. Nate could probably have a little more prominence given that this is his big reveal episode.

Episode 4

- Might want to give a quick rundown of some basics about Chernobyl in the finished episode for audiences unfamiliar with the history. I had to look it up because I thought it happened years later and was very confused.

- Give some reason for why Stein’s actions were changed from the original timeline. Is Darhk’s presence there already changing things?

- What do you mean by Jax can “safely detonate” the bomb? Is there some reason he and Stein can’t Firestorm up and transfigure it? I don’t recall Jax being a particular expert in bombs previous to this.

- The Stein and Clarissa storyline is very very good

- Sara and Mick (not) talking about their shared grief Thank You

- Sara seems rather quick to trust Eobard. She knows it’s a speedster who killed Rex, right? Nevermind. She still seems very quick to trust for a former assassin.

- Maybe avoid Eobard villain monologuing? He has no reason to.

- Doesn’t the Black Flash only come after the speedsters, not anyone whose death is changed by time travel? iirc, both Cisco and Barry’s mother were brought back to life by Barry changing the timeline at one time or another and neither were targeted. There may be extenuating circumstances I’m forgetting though…

- Sara and Laurel’s storyline is really touching and sweet

- LISA!!!!!!

Episode 5

- I’m loving the mix of historically accurate costumes and especially Mick

- Crew interacting with Vikings is great and in character

- Jax and Gunlød’s relationship is really cute

- The funeral for Len and the others they’ve lost is fantastic

Episode 6

- Eobard and Darhk banter already sounds like it’s gonna be great

- How’s Lisa getting in? nevermind, that’s answered

- The image of Len doing anything “emphatically” is kinda cracking me up. A look or something would probably be more in character.

- Vampiric octopuses omg please have a flashback here

- Building of tension for the break-in is excellently done. A bit cliché, but in a good way.

- Lisa’s fury is great.

Episode 7:

- Oa?

- Independence Day banter is really fun

- Lisa/Cisco scene is YES

- “justified” I see what you did there

Episode 8:

- Remember to introduce Constantine etc to audiences who might not be familiar with them

- Are you going to show Mick vanishing or just have him suddenly no longer be there? Related: does he leave and then get beaten up or get taken out while with the rest of them? Does the audience know he’s telling the truth or will there be some room for them to wonder?

- HARLEY/IVY YESSSSS

- I’m assuming Booster is Booster Gold, yes? Do we get him in this season?! Okay coming back, we don’t. It’s a nice shoutout for those who know, but the prominence it’s given implies it will be relevant.

- Clarify who Resurrection Crusade are

Episode 9:

- Sara’s disguise for the Christmas party isn’t specified

- This might be an issue with the original version of the episode as well, but the colonies were in open rebellion against the British crown and GW probably wouldn’t expect honorable treatment or a prisoner exchange if captured. He was openly committing treason in the eyes of the British army.

- Ray navigating with one boot is hilarious and wonderful

- Would soldiers from the pre-telephone era be able to adjust well enough in one night to work with a comm? Guns they at least have experience with. Tiny devices that let them talk to each other through long distances might be a bit pushing it. Or I might be getting too nitpicky.

- The whole massacre plot needs some work tbh. How does Jax and Amaya knocking out a total of three soldiers stop a full massacre? How many were there? How did the soldiers feel about it? Sneak attacks on innocent (white) civilians weren’t really a common part of warfare at the time. Some or all of the villagers would have supported the British or at least pretended to. Not to mention the British soldiers were probably occupying the nearest village. Village sounds really feudal I’m thinking town might be more appropriate okay I’m definitely getting too nitpicky

- End scene is great

Episode 10:

- Ray’s pirate persona is gold

- Why do they ask Jax for his name first? (or do they?)

- Foreshadowing Rip joining the other side? Neat

- Looks like this just needs more details for the climactic battle then you’ll be good

Episode 11:

- The opening is so good

- Adorable engineering duo yes good

- So does the Greenpeace member know about the explosion? How?

- This episode feels a bit short? It’s focused on a single plot that gets resolved relatively straightforwardly. Maybe add subplot(s) and/or throw a wrench in things somewhere?

Episode 12:

- A little hard to follow at first but I think it’s supposed to be

- Does Mick say “who’s Grace?”? That seems to imply that he recognizes the other names.

- This has the potential to be really creepy I like it

- Can Rip be incorporated into this somehow? Or not necessarily be incorporated as the character, but at least mentioned? It feels relevant, since he had the closest relationship to Gideon

Episode 13:

- Could Legion!Len’s reveal be moved? If he’s not heavily involved in the Legion’s main plot for this ep, the previous ep would probably work better with a single big reveal (that oculus!Len is not just a hallucination) rather than two back to back. There could be mentions of a new Legion member (Darhk and Eo discussing Legends in Argentina “We’ll let the new guy handle them,” following orders from him, etc), without Len being revealed until he’s revealed to the Legends, or the end of this episode.

- Really good moral quandaries here.

- You could probably do something with the fact that the team (presumably intentionally) imitates oppressive government agents to get away with kidnapping, even if it is for a good cause. That’s gotta make them uncomfortable. (Mick seems like he’d probably be the most chill with it, Jax seems like he’d be really uncomfortable, and I could see Stein going either way.)

- Maybe include one or more OCs or historical figures in a major role to add a human element to the conflict

Episode 14:

- How does Rip find out? Does he already know?

- So is the thing on the throne not the spear piece?

- Tudor jewelry would probably not involve wood. They were big on showy jewels and metals. Maybe it’s in a fancy locket and rumored to hold part of the cross or something? You could have Anne make some sort of joke about how it’s probably fake. Artifacts like that were very common and almost never what they claimed to be.

- Henry’s feeling a little flat here, but that might just be the outline format

- This is another one that could use a subplot or two

- MICK BURNS DOWN THE GLOBE I LOVE IT

Episode 15:

- I like the option of Hex reacting badly to Rip

- Carter and Kendra cameo is really neat

- Continuity error: Len leaves and then says something in scene 6

LOTREWRITE: Len probably shouldn't leave since he has a big leaving sequence in the next episode

- Lots of good stuff here

- Make sure Lily stuff lines up with the following episode

LOTREWRITE: Lily should probably show up and have the argument with Stein in this episode, since the next one is very crowded

Episode 16:

- Make sure Lily stuff lines up with previous episode

- Bart Allen is from around this time period too. Can he cameo somehow?

- I love this entire concept

- All the hostages taken are women. Is there specific reasoning behind this? If not, maybe reconsider hostage choices

- So Lily is volunteering to be a hostage, not switch sides? That was a little unclear.

- I love the Monty Python joke. But it might be a little too anvil-y? Maybe change the wording from “what is your favorite color?” to “pick a color”?

- How are the trials being administered? Verbally with spoken answers? Touchscreen? Fancy buttons?

Episode 17:

- Cameo suggestion: A young Selina Kyle. The joke is that the found family she’s talking about consists entirely of cats. This can either be revealed to Jax via innocuous comment that wouldn’t make sense if referring to a human (something about litter boxes?) or revealed to the audience later when she looks at a picture in her wallet or something.

- I love Legion!Len being fed up this is a Good Scene

- The Legends make him cake aww

- That ending man

- Another episode that could use a bit of fleshing out. A little focus on what the other Legends are doing specifically might be enough.

Episode 18:

- Love the cold open

- Kendra cameo!

- Why would putting Ray in a toga convince the guard to let him pass?

- I’d add a subplot or a lot more happening at the gladiator fight. Does Darhk attempt to cheat? How does Sara counter that? Is she tempted to kill him? Maybe she could have a scene before or after where she talks to someone about her past with the League of Assassins and how sometimes she still has to fight those instincts? Even though she saved Laurel, he still almost killed her and Laurel is still almost completely out of reach for Sara so there’s got to be some pent-up anger there.

Episode 19:

- HI YES YOU’RE INCLUDING MORDRED LET ME LOVE YOU

- I can tell that you know your Arthurian legend or at least did some research this makes me so happy the Camelot episode was disappointingly generic in the official season but this is so much better

- MICK AND MORDRED TALKING ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF I HAVE ASCENDED

- Yeah sorry I should have more constructive criticism but my brain kinda just starts screaming in delight at any mention of Mordred so just know that you did a good and there aren’t any glaring plot inconsistencies

Episode 20:

- Snart is totally dedicated to his theme enough to take Antarctica let’s be honest

- I believe there was a reference in a much earlier episode to Harley and Ivy both not returning someone’s calls. Did Harley do something to get back into the Legion’s good graces or…?

- Ted Kord :D

- This just needs more detail, in non-Len-related scenes in particular, which will presumably come with the full thing

Episode 21:

- How is Rip rescued?

- How does Ray contact GL and SS? Also, being in space shouldn’t keep them from being influenced by timeline change, since they’d still be within the bounds of time

- BATFAM!! (I was gonna say that it was surprising no one changed things to keep them from being vigilantes, but that could be because they have secret identities and none of the LoD knows who they are) (Also are you going to include Oracle? You might be able to tie her into Ray’s character arc, since she’s a superhero who not only doesn’t have powers, but is physically disabled.)

- How are you showing the spear going “fuck this“?

- Wait is the implication that pre-doomworld didn’t have Batman or was pre-Batman? Because the gameshow ep mentioned him in one of the trials

- I’m not sure about Sara being the one to throw Mick out. She is a former assassin, and she gave spear pieces to Thawne to save her sister earlier in the season. Seems like she would be among the more lenient. There should at least be some clarification of why. Maybe she’s upset because she was forced back into being an assassin?

Episode 22:

- “proper Time Master captain” ouch

- Sara’s scene with Laurel is lovely

- Why would Ray blow up if he touched the spear?

- “He holds up Cisco’s communication device with the” Finish this sentence

- LEN!!!

- This is a good ending

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