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jbuffyangel · 6 years

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No More Julie Plec Shows

Warning: This is a rant after dedicating 9 years to Julie Plec shows.

The upside of The Originals ending is that I am free.

No more Julie Plec shows for this blogger, folks. You must hold me to this. If I even think about turning on Legacies then you must stage an intervention.

I won’t say The Originals series finale was the worst series finale I’ve watched. No, that title will always belong to How I Met Your Mother, but TO comes close! What a hot friggin mess.

Romance and Shippers Are Not Dirty Words

But let’s start with the PR blitz Julie did before the episode aired last night. After building her career off romance and the loyalty of shippers, JP declares 45 minutes before The Originals signs off that “It was never a show that was meant to thrive on romance.”

That’s just stupid.

The Originals has all kinds of shippy ships to ship and Julie Plec milked them for all they’re worth until she decided to kill off 50% of her cast, including the female protagonist of one of the largest Originals ships.

I am really tired of writers using romance to bait and hook viewers, but then arguing the show “isn’t about romance” (like it’s some kind of dirty word) because they don’t have the balls to make an endgame decision. Nor do they want to listen to the complaints of the fans they baited because, GASP, those fans want a happily ever after for their faves.

Writers tell us to fall in love with the relationship, but then are angry when we fall in love. The Originals is about family and ROMANCE, so let’s not argue otherwise because it’s nonsense.

Also, if all you care about is the romantic storyline in a show THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT AND YOU ARE JUST AS MUCH OF A FAN AS EVERYONE ELSE.

I wouldn’t say the finale was without romance. Freya & Keelin and Marcel & Rebakah were allowed happy endings. This is no small victory because the way this woman torpedoes ships these couples were not a done deal by any means.

However, the three largest ships on the show were all but ignored (Klamille and Haylijah) or had the rug yanked from under them (Klaroline).

The Ending

I was spoiled on the ending for The Originals before it aired, but that didn’t make it any easier. It was still a disaster zone. Klaus decides to kill himself to save Hope’s life and Elijah kills himself too because... why not?

If you are a hard core Vampire Diaries fan like myself then you know the original ending Plec and Williamson planned was for both Stefan and Damon to die. They would spend their hereafter looking after Elena living her human life (and she’s married to Matt or someone other rando). So, I couldn’t help but feel this ending was spectacularly lazy and recycled.

I do not have a problem with Klaus or Elijah dying. I have a big problem with both brothers dying. Elijah and Klaus existed in a toxic, co dependent relationship for the better part of a thousand years. Julie decides instead of freeing the brothers from that toxicity, they’ll go all in on joint suicide because family.

The preferable options were:

Option 1) Kill Klaus and Elijah lives

I am not a huge fan of killing Klaus merely because I think it lets him off the hook too easily. Yes, there was character growth with Klaus, to say otherwise is madness, but one or two decent things doesn’t outweigh a thousand years of being a monster. Klaus even asks Elijah in the finale if his sacrificial death makes up for all the years he was awful and Elijah basically says, “Yeah you’re good.”

I disagree, but whatever Klaus dies. I do like the symmetry of Klaus wanting to kill his daughter in the pilot and dying for his daughter in the finale though.

This gives Elijah a chance to find happiness and purpose beyond redeeming his brother. Julie argued they already gave Elijah that story this season and he discovered all roads led back to Klaus. Uhhh... Klaus showing up on Elijah’s door asking for his help to find Hayley isn’t exactly Elijah finding his way back to Klaus, but okay.

This is what drives me nuts about Julie Plec. She acts like all of these choices just happened to her. YOU WROTE IT LADY!!!!! Stop acting like you’re an innocent by stander in all of this. THE CHARACTERS AREN’T REAL AND YOU CAN MAKE THEM DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Klaus argued against Elijah dying for Hope because what kind of man would he be if he allowed his brother to die for his only child? Well, I don’t know Klaus, the kind of man who always lets Elijah toe the morality line and do the emotional heavy lifting. Why stop now? (By the way, they could have easily magicked a way for Elijah to steal the Hollow and deny Klaus any say). But yes, I agree, Hope is Klaus’ daughter and he should man up.

If Klaus is going to die then at least give Elijah a chance at real happiness with the woman he truly loves- Hayley. So, let’s not kill her Julie!!!

Option 2) Kill Elijah and Klaus lives

This is my preferred ending. After they killed Hayley, and made Elijah culpable in Hope’s mother’s death, I thought this would be a fitting end for Elijah. He saves Hope’s life, is free of the eternal torment of living forever, spends eternity with Hayley, and sacrifices himself for Klaus’ redemption. This would instill a deep desire in Klaus to be a good guy for the next thousand years.

Julie also argued immortality is it’s own prison and what were we expecting in a show about vampires (meaning - they are all going to die). I agree with that statement in terms of Elijah and Rebekah, but not Klaus. He reveled in his immortality. Klaus loved being the strongest creature on earth. So, death isn’t a reward. In that sense it makes his sacrifice more selfless. However, I would have preferred to see Klaus earn his redemption by using his immortality for good for as long as he used it for evil. And yeah, if Caroline wants to come along, and they make a stop in Paris, I have no problem with that.

Closure

The Originals writers introduced the afterlife just like they did on The Vampire Diaries finale. We were able to see Josh and Hayley in heaven and at peace. However, The Originals did not give us this glimpse with Klaus and Elijah, their two main characters. Julie instructs us to essentially imagine their peace. That’s like stopping at the 1 yard line and telling the crowd to imagine a touchdown. It doesn’t count. JUST CROSS THE DAMN LINE!

At the end of the day, fans want closure from a series finale. They want to know the characters they love are going to be okay. This is why the Parenthood finale remains the best ever. You can have heroic deaths, but leaving the character open ended even after death is a little mean. I don’t think it would have been too much to ask to give Hayley & Elijah fans a scene of them dancing in heaven

or reuniting Klaus with Cami.

But that would make the show too much about romance I guess.

Family

If you want to believe Klaus and Elijah were each other’s happy endings that’s fine, but that’s a tough pill for me to swallow. The Originals was about family, but for most of the series (and their time on TVD) they were people related by blood doing absolutely despicable things to one another.

Yes, they rallied time and again, particularly when it was in service of Hope. I’m not going to say they didn’t love each other or their familial bond meant nothing. I too get warm and fuzzy about “Always and Forever” but there was plenty of toxicity to go around.

One of my beefs with the finale is it sort of glazes over a lot of that. It was more like The Originals: A Christmas Special than a finale. They look at pictures, make wishes and Klaus waxes poetic about how he secretly adored Kol (despite daggering him and generally making his life miserable for a thousand years). I mean... okay? Feels a little disingenuous, but maybe I’m soulless.

The two familial standout moments for me was Klaus saying goodbye to Hope and Klaus apologizing to Rebekah while making sure she can take the cure if she wants. Stellar all the way around. I felt all the feels and those moments were truly earned.

Caroline

So… what was the point of having Caroline on the show other than baiting the Klaroline fandom and ensuring their viewership? Cause I got nothing.

Klaus and Caroline didn’t need closure. They had plenty of that on TVD. Caroline made it abundantly clear she was going to live her life without Klaus, minus a hot up-against-a-tree hookup to get it out of her system. And that’s exactly what she did.

What made Caroline’s presence on The Originals so enjoyable (other than it’s Caroline and she’s sunshine) is it felt like the characters were going somewhere new. We’ve had seven years of Klaus and Caroline dancing around their feelings, but the finale offered more of the same. We get a couple more “if only” moments and a tepid kiss.

Yes, Caroline kept the voicemail. Yes, she enjoyed all the wonders of New Orleans Klaus wanted to show her. Yes, she finally confirmed she cared for Klaus (but anyone who didn’t know that is daft). Yes, Klaus finally earned her respect and had a legitimate shot at a relationship with her for the first time, which makes his sacrifice so noble.

Eh. Caroline already had her noble, sacrifice-it-all-in-the-name-of–family love story (looking at you Stefan).

Everything with Klaus feels spectacularly redundant for her character.

And to not follow through on this line is criminal.

But that isn’t really the reason I’m ticked. It’s Julie Plec’s explanation for why Klaus and Caroline can’t be together.

It would dishonor Stefan.

Look, nobody (and I do mean nobody) loves Stefan Salvatore more than me. I subjected myself to an additional four years of crap storytelling just to make sure Stefan was okay in the end (yeah I know I could have just watched the finale, but I couldn’t abandon him) only for JP to kill my beloved in the FINAL FREAKING EPISODE.

But this “honoring Stefan’s memory” thing is crap.

Stelena Side Bar

Time to get real for a second. (D*lena and St*roline lovers now would be the time to look away). Stefan ended up with Caroline because The Vampire Diaries did him dirty with D*lena and they couldn’t get Nina back for their planned (yeah you read that right) Stelena endgame.

Julie Plec loves to put all the blame for how TVD ended on Nina Dobrev’s shoulders. Yes, Nina left the show and when she left in Season 6 I knew it was game over on Stelena and any hope of a reunion was lost.

I love Stefan, Caroline and their friendship. I begrudgingly got on board with the romance angle because sweet holy Zeus I needed something to be mildly entertained by in Season 6-8.

But let me be clear. Under no circumstances do I favor St*roline over Stelena.

Caroline Dries absolutely could have put Stelena back together before Nina Dobrev left the show. In fact, that was the direction the show was headed. Elena lost her memories of Damon and suddenly she’s taken aback with the gorgeousness of Stefan Salvatore.

(BECAUSE WITHOUT THE FREAKING SIRE BOND SHE STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH STEFAN SO WHY DIDN’T HER LOVE FOR HIM RETURN THE SECOND SHE FORGOT DAMON? OH THAT’S RIGHT IT WAS GOING TO UNTIL THE WRITERS SCREWED ME OVER). The memory loss storyline was going to be to D*lena what the sire bond was to Stelena.

Then all of a sudden the show turns on a dime. Stelena rebuild is over and it’s full throttle on St*roline. The episodes Dries/Plec would have been writing in January (right around the time Nina let them know she was leaving) put Elena rapidly back together with Damon. Then they dance in the street for some inexplicable reason in her final episode.

Kevin and Julie wanted Nina back for the final 16 episodes of Season 8 to put Elena back with Stefan, but she was unavailable. Guess what cupcakes? You had Nina for the same amount of episodes in Season 6. You had a half season, give or take, to rebuild Stelena.

There was absolutely no reason why STEFAN couldn’t have been the one waiting for Elena to wake up. Quite frankly, Damon’s struggle to maintain control would have been a lot more interesting because he would’ve had nothing to lose. Stefan would have focused on saving his brother the final two years of the show, only for Damon to sacrifice himself in the end. Damon would have earned redemption, proved he was finally worthy of Elena, and gave Stefan & Elena their happily ever after, WHICH WAS ALWAYS THE PLAN.

How do you not kill Damon after he says, “Because I am the big brother. I’m sorry I wasn’t better at it until now.” THAT’S THE PERFECT DEATH LINE.

No one can anyone argue to me that Damon was the better man. (To be fair they were both terrible people, but Stefan was far less terrible IMHO.) Damon telling Elena Stefan is the better man before she wakes up makes a hell of a lot more sense than Stefan saying that about Damon, but whatever. The point is, the choice wouldn’t have been Elena’s but Damon’s (rather than Stefan’s) and it’s so freaking perfect I want to scream.

Anyway, back to yelling about Julie. So, she heaps all the responsibility on the ending for TVD on Nina because she loves to straddle fandoms and refuses to make a damn decision. Not that the D*lena ending was anything to write home about. Y’all got screwed over too. One crappy kiss and five seconds of holding hands isn’t exactly the glimpse into their happy life together that y’all deserved. Sweet mother of Moses, the Stelena fandom had a better glimpse of Stefan & Elena’s happy human life in 5x18.

Stelena side bar over. Back to talking about how ridiculous it is that Caroline can’t move on.

2) The Vampire Diaries had a big old conversation between Lexi and Stefan about how vampires have more than one great love because they are fucking vampires and live forever.

This was said after Elena chose Damon (for absolutely no reason other than it was Damon’s turn to get the girl) and Stefan was driving off to Cleveland or something. This was a difficult for me to accept in terms of Stefan’s character because he lived like 150 years without love until he met Elena. She brought him back to life. So TVD arguing that Elena was not Stefan’s only great love was kind of ridiculous, particularly since Elena was still alive.

The only reason JP/Dries wrote this line was to smooth the path for a potential St*roline romance. And why? Because immediately after this scene with Lexi, Stefan drowns in a safe all summer while Elena bones his brother. So, yeah they needed to cook up some hope for his character and, at that point, Elena was SO NOT IT.

So, now that Stefan is dead VAMPIRE Caroline can’t move on? The same Caroline who was Stefan’s second chance at love? Is a basic level of consistency really too much to ask? No it is not.

3) It’s been a DECADE since Stefan died. Caroline can move on because it’s HEALTHY

What an abysmal message to send to widowers. Sorry folks, if you lost your spouse you are suppose to live alone for the rest of your life because falling in love again dishonors your spouse’s memory.

If this storyline was taking place a year or two after Stefan died, then sure I can see the argument for Caroline moving on too fast, but that’s not what is happening here. There was an 8 year time jump. It’s been nearly a decade!!!

Let’s take the vampireness out of the equation as my friend @lipstickandwifi so eloquently said. A woman marries in her twenties and her husband tragically died the day after. She’s now in her thirties and someone from her past, who she always has had a connection with, is back in her life. And her children are almost grown. The answer is: GO FOR IT.

Also, Stefan would never want Caroline to be alone for her immortal life all in the name of his memory. He’d be the first one to say it’s okay to move on.

He may not love her object of affection, but he’s dead so he doesn’t get a say. MAYBE NEXT TIME DON’T BE SO WILLING TO DIE FOR DAMON, STEFAN. I have some anger issues I am still working through.

So, once again Julie Plec is pulling some bs reason and blaming Stefan for the reason Klaroline can’t be together rather than have the lady balls to say, “I didn’t want them to end up together.” Instead, she plays out forty different scenarios in these interviews, each one pandering to a specific fandom and giving them their happily ever after, but “INSERTS NONSENSE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE.” And Julie deflects any and all responsibility in the choices she made.

The Spin Off

The real reason Klaus, Elijah and Hayley all died is because of Legacies. I’d also say that’s the reason Klaroline didn’t end up together too. Julie Plec wanted Elena 2.0 - Hope to be an orphan so she can rehash the same story she told on TVD (complete with love triangle). Julie blames all these deaths on the actors not wanting to reprise their roles. It has nothing to do with Julie’s need to keep collecting a paycheck. Nope, not at all!

Absolutely no one can argue Legacies did not impact the ending to The Originals to me because it did. It’s fact. Julie Plec admits as much in countless interviews. Anything argued to the contrary is a PR campaign to get jilted viewers to watch the next show. I refuse.

2 shows + 263 hours of television + dozens of ships = 0 endgame couples. That's my shipper maths for Plec shows. Congratulations to the ships that survived. The rest of us got screwed over. I end yet another Julie Plec show with booze.

And to the sweet summer children anxiously awaiting Legacies, tattoo this on your heart “DO NOT TRUST JULIE PLEC.”

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Thus, this closes the door on both The Vampire Diaries and The Originals. At least I can rewatch TVD S1-S3 (and 4x01 as the series finale). There’s always Season 4 of The Originals too.

#the originals #the originals finale #anti julie plec #klaroline #klaroline meta #stelena #stelena meta #anti delena #anti steroline #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #haylijah #caroline forbes #elena gilbert #stefan salvatore #originals #originals spoilers

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girl-q · 6 years

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The Originals Season 5 fianale: Welcome to the shit show kids

I had put off writing this. I originally wanted to upload it the next day but I never did and the reason why was cause I was utterly destroyed by the final. I know kind of what people think of me when they read how I write, but I was honestly sobbing my eyes out for quite a while even after the show ended. It started with Klaroline kissing and it was because I was so happy. It was like the time I saw the letter from Klaus at the end of Tvd. I was so happy, but then my tears just turned into sadness, frustration and anger, when they really plunged the stake into each other’s hearts and I was feeling so cheated and lied and as if I wasted my time. This is not only because I´ve been a massive Klaroline since I was younger. They started to mean a lot to me when I was about twelve. I´m a really big fangirl now and I love sooooo many ships and fandoms and I credit it to reading Harry Potter, when I was twelve and discovering the ship that is Klaus and Caroline. In some ways I am who I am now because I knew them and it seems so crazy that all this really influenced my life this much. I went up and down with this fandom. We were pretty hopeless for a couple years and then the phone call happened and I flipped out. Suddenly I had hope and a lot of people did too. I saw it. Time moved on and I got older and I grew up. The finale of TVD came and I was in the same position as now. I had written a whole series like this. I was really happy about the finale. Delena was together, Steroline wasn’t, and I loved Lexie and that letter. I was so happy, man. Then this season came and it was great to see Klaroline and stuff, but side note this season was a flop. On the finale Klaus died. Klaroline kissed. She was his last love, but I´m sad and disappointed in the writers, in Julie and in the world, because I wanted it to be better. I had this fantasy of what would happen and I thought it was going to happen.

Even though I´ve been such a fan of Klaroline for six freaking years now the fact that they weren´t endgame is not why I despise this finale so much. It sucks but I appreciate this show and this family for what they are and this ending was trash and bullshit and I cannot comprehend how this was supposed to A: make sense and B: be cohesive with anything that the characters stand for and C: no then ending wasn’t powerful or special or melodramatic or anything like that. The ending was simply unnecessary. This is my long ass intro, but now I´m getting mad again so let’s get this recap going.

Summary: The fuck.

Hope knocks her dad out before he can kill himself and they bring Klaus back to Nola. They search for a cure and find none. Everyone is all mad and sad and Klaus fantasizes about the ghosts of Michael and Camille. Michael tells him to kill Hope, but Camille as the handy moral compass says no. Klaus escapes for a hot minute, but then gets recaptured. They put some of the Hollow inside Elijah to make Klaus sane for a couple of hours. Kol and Rebekah have some five second drama on the side, because Kol doesn´t want to stay even though Nik is dying. This just reminded me how unimportant all the siblings except Klaus, Elijah and Freya were this season and made me sad.

Caroline comes to see the dying Klaus and they have a nice day trip doing nice things. The scene where he finally showed her New Orleans was cut, but it was quite cute and she played that phone recording from 12 years ago that Klaus made when he was in New Orleans. That was beautiful. In the cut scene they mention Camille and that she was basically a copy of Caroline so lol. Like hoe we went down like the titanic, but at least we know Caroline was more important to him than Camille. Thank you for witnessing my petty moment of the day. In the end they visit the bar and Caroline tries to convince Klaus to say goodbye to his daughter. He doesn´t know how, but she shows him a way and tells him goodbye with that herself. She says she´ll never forget him and then she kisses him, which is ALL we ever wanted and then leaves. I just rewatched that scene and I did cry a little bit again. It´s still so new and the last piece of Klaroline canon we´ll ever see.

The family come together and haver dinner. Kol came of course and they probably have the happiest moment in the show, then Klaus says his goodbyes to his family and daughter. He, Elijah and Rebekah step outside and at this point I still had hope. It all pointed to Elijah telling Klaus he didn´t have to die, but it didn´t and then they killed themselves together, because he feels like he helped his brother achieve redemption and that was his purpose. Elijah had no future and we ALL knew that, but Klaus had and Hope didn´t have to be an orphan and I know a reason he died was because Joseph didn´t want to be in Legacy, but there are different ways of getting rid of Klaus Mikaelson. He could have just stayed in Nola and just simply be mentioned after Hope returns from the Holidays or he could have gone on that world trip with Caroline and help her build more schools or something. I would be so much less upset if there was a genuine reason why Klaus died. There wasn’t one. I´m even more pissed that we never saw what happened to them in the afterlife. Fuck off Julie there is no beauty or allure in guessing what happened to them. These are characters we hold dear and we deserve to know their stupid fate. It´s also so unfair that the greatest character on this show, Klaus Mikaelson, died, but fucking Declan, who looks like he cries every time he has a splinter in his finger and has the emotional capacity of a wet sock lives or Antoinette, who has about as much personality, backbone or use as a coat hanger. These two aren’t even the worst because guess who also still lives and goes about their day. Yes Alaric Schlotzigman and Matt Donotcan. The most boring pieces of trash that ever appeared on TV survived, because they were apparently good at being annoying pebbles for eight seasons. They always complain about every fucking thing and NOBODY LIKES THEM OR WANTS TO FUCK WITH THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE AS INTERESTING AS MY ARMPITHAIR. Where is the man who survived hell and back? Who was more resourceful than the queen of hell, Katherine Pierce, herself? Where is the I-can-do-anything-I´m-the-oldest-creature-on-this-planet Klaus? There were so many options. They could have put the Hollow in ANYONE else and kill them instead. There was no reason and now I’m crying again, because of something that witch Julie Plec said and I just read it and it was that if you´d ask her where Klaus would go after all this it would be Paris with Caroline, but the stupid fact that Stefan is gone for twelve now made that impossible and she could´ve moved on. Caroline is strong and a lot of things. Stefan would have wanted her to move on and that sucks. Is she just going to be pining after her dead husband for the rest of her immortal life? It´s not about forgetting Stefan. We always love the people we love even if they are not there anymore. We just love their memory, but we can also never stop making more memory and we can´t help falling in love again, because people can´t be miserable forever, that destroys you. Julie should stop walking around blabbing bullshit, because she is not helping anyone. I dislike that woman so much. She thinks she is all special and meaning full, but what fans want after a long time is peace and knowing the fictional people they love are happy and it could have been so great but no she ruined it and I will never watch a flipping moment of Legacy. I saw so many people say that she´ll just destroy it and are also now not watching legacy and me too. I originally wanted too, but I can´t now. I´m not wasting time and emotions on Plecs shows again

This season was bullshit too. It was weak and the plot points rushed so much. Nothing mattered or felt heavy. All problems were just solved in a half assed way and the only thing that all the deaths did was shock value, but hoe that was wrong. You´re not Game of thrones. Josh, Hayley, Elijah and Klaus could have been happy, but no. This sucks and writing this is so emotional again and I feel a little weak and like a loser, but I´m not over it. Everyone deserved better.

I hope Legacy flops and dies and gets cancelled, because I want this bullshit universe to be over and rest. I´m done. I´ll never watch anything she touches. Maybe it´s irrational to blame one producer for everything, but I´m not looking for logic right now- I´m still coping, but I´ll be okay soon. I just need to; I guess, grief a little more for the death of my first ship, for the death of so many people that deserved better and Klaus Mikaelson who could have been there for his daughter. They could´ve been together. It could have been amazing. After all these years we needed a promise of peace and love and that Always and Forever would be alive forever. I guess at the end only Kol lives forever. Rebekah, whose ending I kind of liked, will die and Freya, Davina and Keelin and Vincent will die at some point. Then there will only be Marcel and Kol. I know I skipped over a lot of stuff in this finale, but I´m going to bring this mess to a close now. I will bring everything to a close. This adventure of writing this series for Tvd and TO, my place in the fandom and in a dramatic pretentious way my younger self, because now I´m supposed to be an adult soon and this is over. Farewell kids and all the chickens that read me. You´re cool. It´s been hella rocky, but I made it and I´m proud. I guess maybe it´s just a TV show. Today I´m still angry, but I´ll be fine soon. This shit is really crazy. There is so much stuff I didn´t say, but I’m ready to close this. I´m not apologizing for being emotional or being this intense about it. I can´t apologoíze, because it´s the truth and if that makes me “crazy” or “Stupid” then so be it. Wlcome to being a fangirl hoe. Thank you for being there honey

Bye betches

I´m out

Forever now

XOXO

#Klaroline #TheOriginals #the vampire diaries #the originals #to #TVD #the originals finale #finale #review #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #hayley marshall #hope mikaelson #caroline forbes #rebekah mikaelson #kol mikaelson #marcel gerard

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zalrb · 7 years

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We’re starting to get somewhere {TVD 1x05 Review}

Hi all! Welcome to the fifth review of TVD season 1. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), and in light of recent events I feel the need to say that there may be some anti-Jenna sentiments too. I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Also I do not have MS Word right now so I wrote this on Kingsoft, which is eh, so some of the formatting might be off. Ready? Let’s go.

1. “In the dark ages, when a vampire’s actions would bring harm or exposure to the entire race, they would face judgement, they sought to reeducate them than to punish them.” So, like, there IS a culture of vampires with certain traditions that Stefan knows but we never ever talk about it, and this line indicates that there is a governing body, which we never explore or hear about ever again. Such a missed opportunity.

2. “And then in 50 years we’ll reevaluate.” It’s actually a good plan and Stefan is a methodical thinker.

3. LOL I like how Elena is more horrified about what’s happening with Vicki and Jeremy than Jenna. “He could at least be craftier about it, make more of an effort to sneak her in and out.” Like if she’s going to be THAT kind of guardian then she should be proactive about it. Set a place for Vicki at the table, tell them to use condoms, and not sneak her in because if they’re going to have sex she’d at least want to know they’re being safe and they can be all, “Eew! Jenna!” but at least she’s DOING something.

4. I would respect Jenna’s presence a lot more if the show was like “we needed her here so CPS won’t come” except Matt and Vicki are virtually living on their own so Elena and Jeremy could’ve done so as well because Jenna literally serves no purpose #sorrynotsorry

5. I do love Elena mimicking Stefan though because it’s kind of on point. “Hi, uh ... Elena, uh...” LOL SHE IS NOT IMPRESSED and I think it shows how new yet how familiar they are with each other.

6. “Honestly, I’m not going to be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy!”

Julie Plec:

7. “I hate lying to her, Zach, I’m not GOOD at it” LOL you really aren’t, Stefan. Also Paul looks unbelievably gorgeous, OMG.

8. “Unbelievable, it’s like nothing happened.” Elena, instead of being lowkey judgemental of Caroline for trying to move on from a traumatic experience, why don’t you TALK to her about it?

9. “I have to be home after school but The Grill, around��4 o’clock?” So when does school end and how long does it take you to get home and then to The Grill from home? Because I finished school at 3:15 so like ... cutting it kind of close, Stefan? At least say 4:30.

10. I do like that Elena is pissed at Stefan but still wearing the SE, sorry the “DE”, necklace, it’s like when Buffy ws calling Angel a stalker but was still wearing his leather jacket, like OK, girl.

11. Elena, why would you ask Matt if he’d seen Stefan? That boy is lost in love with you, he done told you he wasn’t give up on you two, like have some tact.

12. I like how it was supposed to be this huge thing that Elena played pull with Damon in 1x11 but she was playing pool with Matt in 1x05 and he even gets her to stick around by teasing, “I’ll let you break” like you are not special, Damon.

13. Zach is stupid, Damon is coughing and you go to the cellar, why?

14. Zach is indulging Damon and I don’t even know why. Like if the coughing was bothering you so much then take a walk.

15. And see, you get choked out. And I don’t even feel bad.

16. Also, Elena isn’t talking about Vicki like she’s Matt’s sister.

17. “How late is it?” “Hitting the hour mark.” Seriously, Stefan, 4:00?

18. So Tiki’s grandfather is all “I know you” to Stefan and Elena turns around to look at Tiki’s grandfather so she’s standing next to Stefan and my God, they’re a gorgeous couple. Like we already knew that but sometimes there’s a moment where Nina and Paul stand next to each other and you’re like WOW, it reminds me of my friend and his boyfriend, like I’d hung out with them many times before but I was coming down the stairs at a party one night, kinda buzzed and I just saw them sitting together and they looked SO hot and I was like holy shit they’re a sexy couple and my other friend came and was like Zal, what’s up and I was like aren’t they a hot couple? And she was like YES and we just spent a good ten minutes with three other people marvelling about how hot they were and that’s how I feel right now.

19. Although Elena getting upset that an old man thinks he knows Stefan is weird, like the fact that the old man DOES know Stefan aside, Elena doesn’t know he’s a vampire yet, so I don’t think I would be suspicious of that, I’d be like lol ok old man, how many scotches have YOU had?

20. I do think it’s adorable that Elena storms home mad so then Stefan essentially just shows up like “So I’m cooking you dinner” and I love that Jeremy is in on it: “Jeremy told me that chicken parmasean is one of your favourites” because like how did that go? Did Stefan have Jeremy’s number or find him at The Grill somewhere like, I totally screwed up with Elena and I want to make it up to her to apologize, what does she ... I already got her a book, what’s her favourite dish? I can cook!

21. “He claims that he was with her first, I don’t know...” it’s funny because I usually sort of just overlook this line but the fact that Stefan doesn’t know when the timeline with him and Damon and Katherine began is because he was compelled. His memories came back when he turned, yes, but there are still things he wouldn’t know because it was only with Damon whereas Damon knew everything, Damon knew that Stefan was going to be Katherine’s escort to the Founder’s Ball and listened to their conversation in Katherine’s room. Like it’s actually really fucked up that Damon knew everything that was happening and didn’t think to protect Stefan from it. And I would be more ... understanding if there was also a sort of fear with Katherine? If Damon WAS like, he’s just a kid but I’m a man, maybe it should just be you and me and Katherine vamps out on him and chokes him and is like, “My game, my rules, understand?” but nothing like that happens, SO.

22. I really don’t get what it is that Jeremy sees in Vicki.

23. “But I am no snob” Stefan, honey, you’re a pop culture snob, it’s OK though.

24. These SE smiles, KILL ME.

25. Something else I just noticed! When Elena cuts her finger and Stefan vamps out, he turns away to hide his face and Elena is trying to get him to turn around and see but he won’t let her:

And in 1x10 the same thing happens except she tells him not to hide from her sohe obliges:

That is called development within the narrative.

26. I also enjoy this scene because it shows the tensions between both of Stefan’s worlds, Elena is getting to know the man Stefan, his interests, his hobbies, they’re vibing but then she cuts her finger and his vampirism springs forward so his other side is always there lurking beneath and he’s battling it to get to know her, to be with her. SE is poetic in a lot of ways, guys, ways in which DE and SC just can’t touch.

27. I also like that Stefan leans forward to kiss her but stops because he isn’t sure if it’s what she wants and Elena fucking sighs and kisses him like YES YOU IDIOT.

28. And then she pulls away and Stefan reaches forward for another kiss. Omg they’re adorbz.

29. So how exactly can Damon reach out to Caroline? Is it just because he fed on her?

30. Seriously, his terrorizing of Caroline just never fucking ends.

31. I do like that she was talking to Tiki about swimsuits because not everything has to be directly related to plot.

32. Omg why do they KEEP going down to the damn basement. Stefan I get that he’s your brother but the whole point is for him to desiccate and you said it would take a week. Come back in a week, fam. Or at least don’t TALK to him.

33. Lol these dorks trying to get the other to undress.

34. The Tiki and Bonnie thing still pisses me off.

35. Jenna and Logan ... Like, I guess.

36. They could’ve given Candice a better two piece.

37. I mean this could’ve been a scene where Stefan is topless for longer than 30 seconds but they chose not to and I’m just like but, like, why?

38. Elena is equally bad at lying to Stefan. You two need to try and stop lying to each other because you both see through the other.

39. Jenna, aren’t you supposed to be like a frazzled 26 year old Masters or PhD student but you have time to wait around for an hour for a man you ran away from town because of? I mean, I guess.

40. Vicki, Jeremy’s parents are dead, do you not think it’s a little disrespectful to take him to a cemetery to get wasted?

41. “You bit me.” “You liked it, remember?” “Why do I keep remembering the same things but in different ways?” “You remember what I want you to remember.” Oh but Damon didn’t rape Caroline, right?

42. I completely forgot that Damon chases Caroline throughout the Salvatore house to kill and feed on her but she only got away because he didn’t have his daylight ring. And people ask me to disregard season 1 Daroline?

43. They really shunt Bonnie’s witch storyline to the side until they need her to help Damon and Elena.

44. Vicki’s speech to Jeremy is stupid. I get there is a class difference between them and Vicki would be full of rage because of that and her absentee mom but, like, TVD doesn’t do it well enough for me to think she’s anything more than a brat especially in the context of the speech. Jeremy is rightfully angry because Vicki stole Elena’s pills from his house and they’re getting high in a cemetery which could be triggering to him and he calls the people they’re getting high with waste of space small town lifers and she gets angry like well what am I? But when has Jeremy EVER made her feel like she’s a waste of space? And her saying if she wants to feel like crap she can go back to Tyler is like ... You stole from his house, though. I don’t know, the context is all wrong, at least with Matt and Caroline when she makes a crack about him being a busboy, Matt being upset makes sense. In Friday Night Lights, I felt for Tyra who basically has the same storyline as Vicki and I can’t decide if it’s because of the writing or the acting.

45. Caroline is SO rude to Liz. And Liz is trying. I get that Caroline is traumatized by what happened but her hostility toward Liz in season 1 is literally something I never got. And please no one say “it’s just a teen thing” because no.

46. Elena finding out Stefan is a vampire and then immediately going to his house alone being like what are you??? Is like so you must know he won’t hurt you because you’re not being cautious at ALL.

OK! That’s all for 1x05 annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I have 1x06 and 1x07 cued up so when I get home I may or may not review those too!

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