#yes i just throw random bs i come up w/ at a wall. why did u think i have so many aus and canon divergent hcs/content? /rh

[vinyls-and-valentines]

Adding onto this because i said so: Killjoys aren’t real. Most of the so-called rebels beyond where the Slums bleed into the Desert that surround the City are no more a rebel than a teen playing videogames with their friends is. There is no cause to serve martyr to, no greater purpose to save us all from the mundane tyranny of bureaucracy- just the open highway and a never-ending adventure holiday resort.

Better Living will deny any affiliations with this twisted adventure vacation society- that their morals are as clean and monochrome as the products they provide- but draculoid fires always miraculously miss, while the alleged outlaws bring them crumpling to the ground with barely a sweat and scarecrows never seem to quite rid the zones of the teenage terrors. When consumption is the air they breathe everything has a price and dreams are defined only by how much you’re willing to pay.

Sometimes though, the price comes in more than money, because it’s hard to see the line between the person you are and the animal you’ve become with blood in your eyes. Those who forgot are the ones BLI is truly after; the old war veterans, the kids too young to know what’s real and what’s not, the waveheads who lay in the sun until sobriety and delirium melt together like a monstrous wax sculpture, they are the real threat. The kids are easy enough to set straight again- drugged up and complacent, they grow up to chalk their memories to a hyperactive imagination- but it’s the adults for whom blasters are no longer set on stunt and dracs don’t crumble from a half-assed right hook.

The Fabulous Killjoys were a mistake- not quite renegades as much as an experiment gone wrong- and because of it they had their toll to pay, as had those who took after them, though BLI was nowhere near as kind to them

#might expand on the fab four thing later. ran out of all the words i had atm #yes i just throw random bs i come up w/ at a wall. why did u think i have so many aus and canon divergent hcs/content? /rh #killjoys #danger days #the zones #better living industries #bli #extra canon content #headcanon #zone headcanon #the fabulous killjoys #ttlotfk #medical tw #medical // #drugs tw #drugs // #blood mention tw #blood mention // #ask to tag

[black-mesa-hive-au]

Entry 4

CW: blood, panic attacks

(the recording suddenly starts, showing Calhoun's dorm room and another clone with slicked back hair at the doorway)

Gilbert: Afternoon.

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Do we still have buds in the fridge?

Calhoun: y...yea?

Gilbert: mmmh. (he places his helmet on the hook by the door.) Man, I'm tired. Ughhhhh hungry too. Really takes a lot outta you standing practically all day.

Calhoun:.....

Gilbert: (he slides his shoes off and places them by the door.) Do we still have pizza from yesterday?

Calhoun:....you mean...pizza from last week?

Gilbert: Really? I swear we had pizza yesterday. Don't tell me you ate it all again and you're lying to me. 

Calhoun:.......

Gilbert: Are you even listening?

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Ugh. Fine just don't listen to me.

Calhoun: I- Uh...

Gilbert: You're looking at me weirdly. Like I'm a ghost or something.

Calhoun: W-well! I'm looking at one right now! What the hell happened to you where did you go? You dont just expect to walk back in here and me be fine with it!

Gilbert: I just got back from my shift what are you talking about?

Calhoun: You and Michael have been gone a week! 

Gilbert: Look. I don't know who Micheal is or how you think I've been gone a week but I'd suggest you stop that talk before it really gets to your head. You watch those sci fi flicks too much.

Calhoun: But you-

Gilbert: But I what??? Are you sure you're feelin alright Calhoun?

Calhoun: I'm feeling fine! Just, I thought you were dead and-and...or like you were taken away or something!

Gilbert: Dead? You saw me this morning! We live together! I get off my shift at the exact same time every day. I'm here and I'm breathing.

Calhoun: I just- (he sighs) Fine, let's just go with your story. You just came back from your shift. Okay. So how was your day?

Gilbert: It was fine.

Calhoun: anything interesting?

Gilbert: Oh just a few bits of electric work and helping scientists open their offices again. The usual. (he grabs a beer from the fridge) How about you?

Calhoun: Well, I just did some errands for Dr. Freeman and guarded a bit. It was a pretty slow day, really.

Gilbert: (slowly pulls the beer tab) mm. Average. Wish there was something more to do, ya know.

Calhoun: (takes his helmet off, laying it in his lap causing the camera angle to change) Yea.

Gilbert: Heh, we're gonna be workin all our lives.

Calhoun: Well, if we don't we're a goner practically. (he laughs nervously)

Gilbert: Tell me about it. Look, I know I go on about it a lot but, do you ever think of running?

Calhoun: Like, running away?

Gilbert: Yea.

Calhoun: Of course.

Gilbert:I know you don't want to think about it but- I don't have long. I'm on my decommission year. They could take me any minute. Think about running all the time. Just. Run away somewhere. I don’t know where or with who. Or- or what will happen to me. I don't know if I can leave if I ever get the chance. Like physically- I don't know what would happen to a clone when taken from their natural environment.

Calhoun: I mean, our DNA is human so I'd assume so.

Gilbert: That could be a lie. All of us could be a lie.

Calhoun: Gilbert buddy, you're getting deeper than usual-

Gilbert: We could be like...not human. (he freezes for a second, unblinking)

Calhoun: Gilbert? are you okay?

Gilbert:.....

Gilbert: (he snaps out of it) Like, the thought of staying cooped up here doing the same thing over and over and over is exhausting. The scientists have had lives, they'll make lives and celebrate them. We're made like fish tank ornaments that help with things anyone could do with their own two hands. (he starts to pace) Black Mesa could hire anyone! They didn't need to make us but they just wanted to show off to aperture! How full of it do you have to be to make life like a party trick!? Build something just to throw it away after 3 years of use. We're not batteries. We're flesh and blood like everyone else! All of these things black mesa does for small achievements and pats on the back. Its sickening. I don't want to work here anymore. I've got shocked by those damn wires enough times that I'd probably be dead by now. We're technically not citizens of New Mexico. We're not citizens of anything so how could we stand up for ourselves and sue? (his breathing starts to become more frantic as he speeds up) The scientists would loose their jobs if they did and they're all too cowardly to try. To them we're just robots or something, so why would they care in the first place. We're useful to them. (he crushes his beer, the can contorting and shooting beer everywhere and continues to talk, this time even faster) We're made to be tools to them and not friends. Just objects that are alive. Th-that’s all we are and will be all we are. Just recycled over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: G-gilbert?

Gilbert: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: GILBERT?!!?? LISTEN TO ME GIL-

Gilbert: over and over and over aND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER (he begins to grab the sides of his head, screaming and falling to his knees.) OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Calhoun: BREATHE MAN, BREATHE. JUST- (stands up, placing the helmet on the chair)

Gilbert: OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ANNNNNDDDDDDD OVVVVEREEERRRRRRRRR!!!! (he screeches loudly as his nose begins to bleed)

Calhoun: GILBERT! GILBERT!! 3-3006!!! PLEASE I'M GETTING HELP- (he rushes to the phone on the wall, dialing quickly as Gilbert continues to screech)

Gilbert: (Starts to tug on his hair) OVVVVERRRR ANDD OVERRRRR AND OVERERRRRRR

Calhoun: (on the phone) HELLO? HELLO OTIS???

Gilbert: AAND OVERRRR AND OVERRR AND OV- (he stops, eyes bloodshot and blood still dripping from his nose. He freezes, pupils dilating as he frantically looks around at the ground. He takes a breath and falls to the floor with a thud.)

(The apartment is silent except for Calhoun's heavy breathing)

Calhoun: (drops the phone and looks back) GILBERT? Holy- oh my lord…(runs over to Gilbert, panicking and turning him over, checking his heartbeat.) no no no NO NO NO NO MAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME NOW.

(the sound of the keypad on the other side of the door chimes. Someone barges through the door, looking around frantically for the source of the screaming.)

Sisk: Calhoun? What was that scream-

Calhoun: (looks back to Sisk, showing off Gilbert's lifeless body) G-gg...

Sisk: Holy S--t. W-what the hell happened!? Did he just? Did you? 

Calhoun: No! No! I didn't do anything! He just got to talking a...about like all that existential stuff and just….kinda broke! He just died!!! in front of me!

Sisk: Jesus Christ. I didn't even know he was alive? And then he just...died? Right in front of you?

Calhoun: (nods, sniffling) 

Sisk: You- you don't just do that. Right? Right??? You don't just die that. 

Calhoun: I- I don’t know. He was gone for a week and just came back and immediately got to talking about all this. I...I have to call someone. (he stands up)

Sisk: What are you going to do about the body? The administration isn't going to be kind about a body laying around in your dorm! And where was he all this time?

Calhoun: I have to call (he makes his way back to the phone hanging on the wire) Someone….

Sisk: Who are you going to call??!! We need to do something about him!!! Please Calhoun come to your senses!

Calhoun: (dialing) Hello? Doctor Kleiner?

Dr. Kliener: Hello?? 2295???

Sisk: (Runs up and grabs the phone)

Calhoun: What the hell???

Sisk: You can't call a scientist!!! They'll think you killed him or something! Then you'll be dead for sure! 

Calhoun: No Sisk, you don't get it! I have to call him. This is important!

Sisk: So is Gilbert's dead body!

Calhoun: Look, I trust him to help! I don't have time for this!! Don't make me play rank on you. 

Sisk: WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM? 

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK- CALM DOWN

Sisk: CALHOUN THIS IS ONE OF US HE CAN'T HELP! HE WOULDNT KNOW A THING ABOUT HEL-

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK. I NEED YOU TO STAND DOWN.

Sisk: Bu-

Calhoun: PLEASE. 

Sisk: (he blinks for a second, and backs off reluctantly, looking Calhoun straight in the eye) You are making a horrible mistake. A horrible mistake.

Calhoun: Like you have any better idea!!??

Sisk: YES. I DO!!! WE BURY HIM OURSELVES! CLONE TO CLONE!! THE ADMINISTRATION WOULD PROBABLY JUST THROW HIM OUT!! YOU WOULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN WOULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU CARED!! 

Calhoun: I DO CARE!! OF COURSE I CARE!!! WE CAN'T DO IT ALL BY OURSELVES. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!

Dr. Kleiner: I guess I'll just wait then….

Sisk: OH? WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES? WHAT HAPPENED TO US BEING JUST AS HUMAN?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BARNEY CALHOUN THAT HAD HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT? DID THAT SCIENTIST YOU'RE CALLING SUCK IT OUT OF YOU??

Calhoun: THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP US!

Sisk: AND THOSE PEOPLE ARE OURSELVES. NOBODY IN THIS FACILITY HAS EVER SHED A TEAR FOR US. WHY WOULD THEY HELP US!!??? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. WE GET HURT.

Calhoun: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT VINCENT THAT WAY. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 

Sisk: You know what? I'm not arguing with you anymore. It's like arguing with a child!

Calhoun: You're arguing with yourself.

Sisk: And so are you. Except this side of you still gives a damn.

Calhoun: (He takes a deep, shaken breath) You don't get it. you don't get it. There is more going on than you know of.

Sisk: Oh. Is that what is making you so stubborn? Some conspiracy again? You know I'm getting a little tired of this. You're always running away from the facts and siding with some random BS that suits you more.

Calhoun: I have facts. I have PLENTY. LOOK. GILBERT AND MICHEAL WERE GONE A WEEK AND NOW GILBERT IS BACK AND DEAD ON MY DORM FLOOR. THERE'S A FACT. GILBERT IS A 3RD GENERATION CLONE, MAN! THEY DON'T JUST DIE LIKE THAT- THE ADMINISTRATION TAKES THEM AWAY! YOU KNOW THIS. (he takes a deep breath) you should know this. Please just listen ,Sisk, I respect you. You're a fine officer and I love you like a brother I don't want to have to keep arguing with you.

Sisk:....

Calhoun: Goddammit man, just please-

Sisk: (he sighs) Fine….just call the scientist. I'll see you tomorrow morning then. 

Calhoun:...alright.

Sisk: (makes his way to the door, hesitantly stepping over Gilbert) He was my friend too you know. Most I'd like is a funeral. (he walks out, the door sliding shut behind him)

Dr. Kleiner: y-you still there? Calhoun?

Calhoun: Y...yea doc I'm here.

Dr. Kleiner: 3009 is….back?

Calhoun: Dead. He's back and he's dead. 

Dr. Kleiner: I'm very sorry about that ,Mr. Calhoun. 

Calhoun: I'm (he nervously laughs) Sorry you had to hear all of that. 

Dr. Kleiner: Its fine, it's fine. Me and Dr. Vance have arguments all the time. Its part of being, well, human. 

Calhoun:.....(stands there)

Dr. Kleiner: Calhoun?

Calhoun: (hangs up and places the phone back. He walks over to the helmet to turn the camera off as tears stream down his face.)

-end of recording- 

#Captain's log recording #Recording by barney 2295 #4/7/97