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#yes i took inspo from some canon things don't look at mE
swiftispunk · 11 months
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come back, be here | joel miller x f!reader
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an in my hometown story | series music inspo
pairing: neighbour!dbf!joel miller x fem!afab!actor(ish)!reader (+ platonic!tommy and platonic!sarah)
summary: pre-outbreak/tlou. joel reckons with life in austin after you return to LA. very much set in 2002 bc it’s fun. mostly joel POV.
slight canon divergence (sarah’s mom is vaguely in the picture)
word count: 4k
rating: 18+ (minors dni)
warnings etc: smut, imo there is fluff here, angst, 10 year age gap, phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation (m+f), alcohol use, mentions of food, gratuitous time hops, payphones. NO USE OF Y/N.
A/N: you guys: write domestic bliss! give them a happy ending! romantic reunion! me: *steve rogers voice* no i don't think i will long distance relationships are hard ya'll, especially undefined ones (sorry) this is a part of the IMH universe but if you wanted some depressing phone sex with pre-outbreak!joel, you could absolutely enjoy this as a standalone.
playlist standouts for this chapter are come back, be here - taylor swift and hey jane - spiritualized
Stumbled through the long goodbye One last kiss, then catch your flight Right when I was just about to fall I told myself, don't get attached But in my mind, I play it back Spinning faster than the plane that took you...
Joel tries not to call every day.
He knows you need your space, your time to thrive and work and live the life you chose, so far from home. 
Well, his home, not yours. Not anymore.
It’s usually every other day, more than that if you call with news. Not that there’s much of that; the play you'd been "starring in" had closed to the tune of some less-than-stellar reviews, you’d landed a couple regional commercials, and finally found yourself an agent that at least seemed to have your best interests at heart.
You'd called Joel to share every one of those moments with him. He’s the first person you call any time there’s something in your life worth sharing, it’s just that those instances are exceptionally rare, to say the least.
So Joel calls you mostly. In the evenings, if he’s not working late, midday if he has an hour for lunch. Once, after midnight when he’d awoken from a particularly vivid dream - one involving you in the dress you’d worn at your going-away party - he’d called you, and you’d whispered sweet nothings into the phone while Joel’d stroked himself desperately under the sheets in the desolate confines of his bedroom walls, the two of you getting off together in hushed whispers, miles apart. 
That was four months ago - and it had only happened the one time - but Joel clings to the memory like moss on a damp wall.
“Are you touchin’ yourself too?” he breathed into the phone held firmly against his ear, his fingers already wrapped around his cock, hard and leaking over his knuckles, leftover from the oh-my-god-why?-I’m-thirty-fucking-five-years-old wet dream he’d been shaken awake by.
“Yes,” you whispered back, velvet soft, sending Joel's imagination running wild at what you might have looked like, hand between your thighs, the phone tucked inside the delicate crook of your neck and pressed hotly to your ear.
“Good girl,” he hummed and he listened as you fought to contain a moan, probably fearful of one your roommates overhearing.
“Are you…are you hard for me, Joel?”
You sounded so unsure to Joel's ears, which was fair. You hadn't exactly established what the two of you were or would be after that crucial Christmas visit. So a salacious phone call in the middle of the night to tell you how he was "dreamin' about that pretty mouth of yours" probably (rightfully) caught you off guard.
Still, just the sound of your voice, playing along so willingly, had Joel groaning softly, the gravelly noise a hollow thing through the speaker of the shitty cell phone you'd been coerced into buying ("everyone here just has one, I guess").
“So fuckin’ hard for you, sweetheart. Wish you were here to feel it.”
“W-what would you do if I was?”
Fuck.
Joel picked up the pace of his strokes as he considered that, his voice growing ragged as he worked to answer your question. 
“Wanna get my hands on that pussy, baby. You all wet for me?”
You whimpered breathlessly and hummed a quiet, “Mhmm."
“How many fingers you got inside you?” he asked, focusing his grip towards the base of his cock, pausing his strokes and trying in vain perhaps to draw things out a bit, at least until he could hear your hushed response. He needed to know, needed to picture you playing with yourself on other end of the line, something that could help him feel like you were here with him, for real.
“J-just one.”
Joel threw his head back, squeezing his cock tighter and resuming his steady strokes at the image of you with a finger in your cunt, biting his lip hard when he thought of the way it would coat with your juices, how much he'd love to suck the sweet slick clean off your soaked digit.
You made him feel so fucking filthy. You made him feel like a man. He needed you here, damnit.
“Put another one.”
He wasn't sure at first if you obeyed, but then you both moaned quietly in unison, Joel pulling at his cock as you presumably added another finger. Joel could hear your breath catching in your throat, a delicious sound that made him wonder if you were curling your fingers inside yourself, like he'd have done if he were there.
"How's that feel?" he asked, voice strained.
"Mmmm, s'good, Joel," you sighed. The sound of you uttering his name in that contented, breathy hue had Joel losing his rhythm a bit - his motions now a fevered, frantic thing, too rushed. "Wish it was you, though."
You had no idea how much he wished the same thing.
"Me too, baby, me too, wanna get my mouth on you so bad." Breathless, crazed-sounding, he meant it. "Wanna taste you again."
A soft whine from you cut through the wire, making Joel's dick twitch in his palm, as he continued to pump himself with that same determined vigour.
"Remember the first time I sucked your dick?" you asked then and Joel's mouth fell open involuntarily, his hand once again freezing on his cock because he would have fucking come right then and there just at the thought of it.
It's exactly what he'd been dreaming about before he'd called you. You on your knees with your pretty dress under you, his forearms braced on the dresser he'd helped build, the way you'd looked so needy for it, like he'd been giving you the sweetest gift in the world. The way you'd looked up from under your lashes when you'd swirled your tongue around the tip.
"Think about it all the time, sweetheart," he managed to grunt softly. Truthfully.
He could never forget it.
Not that it could ever compare, but on the phone with you that night, conjuring up the memory, he flicked his thumb over the tip of his leaking cock, as though he could ever recreate the feeling of your tongue on him.
"Me too."
Joel's hips bucked up into his hand at that, another phantom memory playing at the edges of his mind - the one of you bouncing on his cock last Christmas, your shuddering form coming around him, his big hands on your back as he'd held you flush against him when you did, so he could properly feel all of it. All of you.
"You gettin' close, darlin'? Playin' with your clit?" Joel breathed into the phone, feeling his own release creeping up on him again as the reverie flashed behind his eyelids, clenched tightly shut with concentration. Trying to make sure you got there first.
"Fuck - yes," you hissed and your choked little gasps made the muscles in his guts tighten, right on the edge as the movements of his hand grew sloppier still.
But it wasn't enough. You were being so quiet.
"Let me hear you come, baby, just a little," he begged, voice wrecked, cock rigid and angry in his fist. “Let me hear those pretty sounds you make.”
It's what he missed the most, the desperate whines that had fallen from your lips when he'd had his mouth on you the last time; the prettiest, sexiest noises he'd ever heard.
Roommates be damned, if Joel was begging you for something, you were never going to deny him.
He listened as your breathing stuttered, picturing your fingers rubbing furious circles over your clit, until you let a high-pitched moan slip from you as you came.
That was all Joel needed to coax out his own climax, hot seed spilling over his knuckles - his last thought of you, bent over before him on a twin bed, that very first time.
That's his favourite call - or at least, it's the one that makes him the least miserable.
Of course, there'd also been the call that had come on New Year's Eve; he likes that one too. You'd made a point to call two hours early - your time, just to catch him right at midnight - his time.
"Happy New Year, Joel!" you'd screamed into the receiver, his face splitting into a genuine smile as he'd held the phone away from his face at the piercing sound of your voice hitting his ear drum.
"Happy New Year, sweetheart," he'd replied, heart bursting at the warmth in your tone, how thoughtful you'd been to consider the time difference. How you'd remembered him. "Bit early for you though, innit?"
"You better not be kissing anyone," you'd slurred, ignoring his question, already drunk - out somewhere, from what Joel could surmise.
"Not a chance," he'd assured you. He'd glanced over at Sarah, making sure she was still passed out on the couch beside him before going on,
"I'd kiss you if you were here, though."
He'd said it softly, so as not to wake her. Meanwhile, Dick Clark had quietly shined on the TV, casting blue and white light across Joel's dark living room as the big ball had touched down in Times Square.
"Me too," you'd said, and Joel could hear the truth in your voice. His chest had throbbed in time with the distant boom of fireworks outside his window, each one like a bomb going off in his gut. If you were home you'd hear them too, but through the phone, there's just Joel.
"Here's to a good year," Joel'd said, not an ounce of hope in the declaration, toasting to no one with the beer in his hand.
You'd just sighed, long and anguished.
'Cause in the beginning, in the days following that Christmas visit, there had been lots of days you'd called with tears in your voice, sobbing into the phone about long working hours, or some new rift with your roommates or - the calls he'd selfishly longed for - how much you missed him.
"I'm trying so hard, Joel," you'd cry, while he'd fight to stay composed, just listening patiently and offering comfort where he could.
"I know, baby, I know."
"Maybe I should just give up."
Yeah, you should. Come home. Be here.
"No, you can't, sweetheart," he'd say instead. "You just gotta keep goin'."
"I miss you so much," you'd sigh in that bleak, cracked, longing way, shattering Joel's heart into jagged shards every damn time.
"I miss you too, baby." Please come back. It's not too late.
Those calls don't come so much anymore, as you'd thrown yourself into your work, and time had pulled you further and further from the memory of your last visit to Austin.
Time.
Joel feels frozen in it, while it just keeps moving ahead for you.
The days he doesn’t call are boring and long, repetitive and lonely save for the time he gets with Sarah. He works the same jobs, eats the same food, drinks the same coffee. Feels the same anxious pang when you don’t call first and it has to be him, again. 
Sometimes he’ll go by your dad’s, but that’s less often now, ever since he and Tommy had finished up the renovations in the attic.
God, the attic job. That had proven to be an exceptionally awkward thing, considering it had come hot on the heels of the Inevitable Talk with your father. A talk that Joel had been expecting, but which had still turned out to be painfully uncomfortable nonetheless.
Although not necessarily what he’d imagined.
Your dad had shown up at his side door after dropping you at the airport. He hadn’t seemed angry, so Joel had led him in the door and offered him a beer, which your dad had accepted with a reverent, “Yeah.”
Yeah, Joel too.
Joel’d stared at the wood on the kitchen table, and like he couldn’t help himself, broke the silence before your dad could.
“How’d, uh - how’d she seem?”
Your dad’d sighed, taking a long sip of beer.
“Sad,” he’d said.
“Look - ”
But Joel’d been cut off by Sarah coming in the front door then, home right on time from soccer practice. Her eyes had widened as she’d assessed the scene, who Joel had been sitting across from.
“I’m…just gonna be in my room,” she’d muttered awkwardly.
“There’s mac and cheese on the stove," Joel'd told her.
Wasting no time, she'd snatched the entire pot off the hob and slinked quickly out of the room, shooting Joel this knowing glance on the way that seemed to say, good luck - sorry. And also - we'll talk later.
Your dad’s eyes had followed her out of the kitchen as she’d went.
“She’s a good kid,” he’d said.
“Yeah, she is."
"S'funny a thing, havin' kids..." your dad'd started.
Christ, here it comes.
"You wanna protect 'em," he'd continued, tone level but still managing to fill Joel with a healthy sense of dread. "But you also gotta trust 'em. And respect 'em enough to respect their decisions."
A beat.
"Even the wrong ones."
Joel'd cleared his throat, shifting in his seat uneasily.
"That what I am?" he'd asked. "The wrong decision?"
Your dad had shook his head.
"I wasn't talkin' about you."
That had Joel finally looking up from the table to stare at the man in confusion. What had he been suggesting then?
"She shouldn't be out there in California," your dad'd said with another shake of his head and a sip of his beer.
That had taken Joel aback momentarily.
"You don't think she can do it?" Joel'd asked, brows furrowing.
"No, she probably could. If she actually wanted to."
Joel'd just stared back at him, that same dumbfounded look on his face.
"She's determined," your dad had grumbled. "Too proud. She decided she wanted to go out there and do this and now she thinks she can't back out. I'm not sayin' she's not good. I'm just sayin' I don't think it's where her heart's at."
"So where's it at then?" Joel'd asked.
Your dad had just given Joel this knowing look.
You know where it is, dumbass.
"Right," Joel'd replied, around another mouthful of beer. Then, for the first time since he'd met your dad, Joel'd turned on his very best let-me-date-your-daughter Texan manners.
"Listen, sir, I wasn't tryna complicate anything here," he'd said. "The whole thing just - it got away from me."
That was something of an understatement.
"She said you tried to be responsible. What's'at mean?"
Joel'd taken another sip of beer, smiling in spite of himself at the thought of you trying to protect him.
"Guess it means I always knew where this was gonna go," Joel'd postulated. "She didn't wanna overthink things."
Joel'd bristled at the memory - "We don't have to overthink any of this, Joel" - so many months ago now, your arms wrapped around him from behind, face pressed into his back. Course, by then it had already been too late, Joel having already envisioned a whole new life for you after that first kiss on the deck - one where you never left, one where you stayed here with him, slotting into his life with ease. A cursed vision, one he'd known would never be.
How could he not have overthought things? Joel, unlike you, lived in the real world.
"That was your first mistake, buddy," your dad'd said with a shake of his head.
Didn't Joel know it. He'd nodded his agreement.
"You know somethin', Joel? I actually think you'd be real good for her. You're a good man - stable. And you got a lotta love for your kid."
Joel had waited for the inevitable "but" and your dad hadn't disappointed -
"But you gotta give her space now. If she wants to come back, she will. You understand?"
Yeah, he gets it.
Doesn't mean he's gonna listen.
So he doesn’t cross the street much these days.
He would lie and say he’s just been too busy with Sarah or Tommy or work but you’d know the truth if he ever bothered to tell you. 
He doesn’t go because it hurts. He doesn’t go because the driveway’s where he kissed you and your bedroom’s where his initials are carved into the dresser and the back deck’s where the whole damned ordeal began. 
The more time passes, the less he wants to think about any of it.
-
But then there's the call that comes today.
The droning of the buzz saw drowns out the sound of the phone ringing. It also drowns out Tommy's booming voice, calling Joel's name over and over.
"Joel!" he yells again, this time with a firm hand on Joel's shoulder where he works over the plywood, which finally gets the older Miller's attention.
"What?" Joel shouts back, glancing cautiously over his shoulder, voice rising over the metallic hum of the saw. But Tommy is giving him the signal to shut the thing off, phone in hand - which is what ultimately ends up holding Joel's attention.
He clicks off the saw, removing his protective goggles and repeating himself, quieter now - "What?"
"Phone's for you," Tommy says with a lop-sided grin. Easy enough to guess who's calling then.
"She called the damn work site?" Joel asks, surprised you'd managed to track them down. They're working a job up in Georgetown, some wealthy suburbanite paying big money for easy work.
Tommy just shrugs.
Joel snatches the phone from his brother and holds it up to his ear, with a gruff, "Hello?" before tuning into the crackling sound of music playing and glass clattering and voices chattering and you, loudly talking into the other end -
"Joel!" you say - almost shout. "Are you there, can you hear me? I'm at a payphone, the stupid cell phone died!"
He steps away from the work site, trying - on his end at least - to quiet some of the background noise.
"Yeah, yeah I can hear ya fine, are you okay?"
The midday calls are rare and your voice sounds so frantic - he can't help it; worry's the first place his mind goes.
"I got a job, Joel! I got an arc!" you say excitedly then, voice just barely rising over the clamorous bedlam behind you.
"You got a what, now?" Joel asks, sticking a finger in his one ear to hear you better.
"A three-episode arc on a TV show! Oh - shit - one sec - "
Some rustling on the other end as you disappear momentarily, and then a murmured, "Thanks" that sounds like you but far away, and then you're back with a, "You still there?"
Joel furrows his brows, trying to make sense of it all.
"Where're ya at right now?"
"I'm out celebrating!" you shriek. "Didn't you hear what I said?"
Not really, but -
"I - yeah I heard, three episodes, that's - that's amazing, sweetheart."
Then there's another voice cutting through the wire - male, drunk.
"Eyyyyy! Let me buy you a drink, baby girl! This is HUGE!"
Joel hears your responding giggle, along with the sound of fabric brushing against fabric (an embrace) and glass tapping glass (cheers).
"I'll be right there!" you tell the faceless voice.
"Whoz'at?" Joel grumbles, his grip on the phone tightening as he bites back the stupid, hot, festering jealousy suddenly brewing in his belly.
"Nobody - well, Adam - he works with my agent, they're throwing this like, brunch party thing for me."
Weird, because you've never mentioned him to Joel before.
She's not yours, idiot, he tells himself.
"Nice," is the best response he can come up with.
"Well, anyway, I just wanted you to be the first to know," you say then - your voice oozing devotion - but not enough to quell the twisted knife of envy digging bitterly in Joel's core.
"Seems like Adam already knew."
God-fucking-damnit.
Why'd he say that? Does he seriously think he's entitled to every morsel of information in your life? Over some kid you work with and that he doesn't even fucking know?
Apparently, yeah.
You're quiet for a moment and Joel would've wondered if the payphone had run out of minutes if not for the noisy bar din still echoing through the receiver.
"I meant the first person back home," you amend, and Joel kicks himself when he hears the tinge of hurt in your tone.
Joel clears his throat, instantly ashamed of the senseless reaction.
"Well, I - I'm glad you did, sweetheart," he says, trying his damndest to soften the edge in his voice.
"Okay - um, shit - it's asking me for more quarters, I'm all out. Can I call you tomorrow?"
"You can call me any time you want, darlin'."
"Bye, Joel."
"Bye - "
He's cut off as the line disconnects, out of time.
-
Sleep evades Joel that night.
Three episodes on a TV show. What would that mean? How long would that steal you from him? How many more months till you came home again?
He morosely ponders the thought with his head in his hands, hunched over where he sits on the edge of his bed, fingers dragging over the skin of his face as though he could scrape away the memory of the phone call like a pesky scab.
"Dad?"
Sarah's voices comes softly through his bedroom door, shaking him hastily out of his dreary reverie.
"You still up?" she asks, letting herself in the open door.
Joel shakes his head disapprovingly, offering her a soft smile.
"I should be askin' you that."
Should being the operative word. He should be attending to his daughter, not moping uselessly after you.
Instead, as ever, it's Sarah who's looking out for him, joining him on the edge of the bed and leaning into his side.
"You okay?" she asks, head on Joel's shoulder.
"Yeah," Joel mumbles, voice thick.
Keep it together, he tells himself. Sarah doesn't need to see you cry.
"Yeah, m'alright," he says, sounding anything but.
"Wow, well, I'm convinced," Sarah quips, wrapping her little arms around his waist and Joel can hear her rolling her eyes. "I know you talked to her today, she called here first; I told her where you guys were."
He should've known it was her who'd put you in touch with him. And man, the kid's too insightful for her own good. He's not sure where she gets that from, 'cause he doesn't think it's from him.
"I know it's sucky right now," she continues soothingly. "But it's gonna get better."
Joel clears his throat at the simple sentiment, trying to believe it.
"You think so?" he says, emotion coating his tone as he squeezes her in a little tighter against him.
"Yeah, I do," she responds, sitting up and away from him then. "Or, just a thought...you could be all romantic and actually go see her."
Joel's shaking his head before she can finish speaking - as if he hadn't already considered that dozens of times.
"And leave you here all alone? Come on."
They share a smirk but then Sarah shrugs.
"Just sayin'. I think you should do it."
His smile shifts to something more placating, willing her to understand how much more complicated things were than that.
"It's late, you should go to bed."
"Okay, but only if you do too."
"Deal."
-
He's dreaming again.
Of you, of course.
But it's not like the other times; you're not on your knees in front of him or sitting on his cock or bent over the twin bed under a canopy of glow-in-the-dark stars.
No, this time, you're locked in a tight embrace on the side of the interstate, as though you'd met him halfway somewhere at a lonely truck stop, hands interlocked behind his neck, while his grip your waist tightly. He's breathing in your scent, committing it to memory because he knows he'll have to leave again soon - always losing you, always saying goodbye.
Except...no. This time, there's something new. Dread is replaced by a sense of permanence as the truck stop melts away and there you both are again, safe in your driveway, bodies still entwined but never breaking. No incessant honking forcing you apart, no one-way flight waiting to take you away.
It doesn't have to end.
He jolts awake, the stand-up fan beside his bed cooling his clammy skin and making him shiver involuntarily.
Fuck it, he decides then.
He grabs the phone off the nightstand and makes a call.
Please be awake, please be awake, please be awake -
"'Lo?" Tommy's voice comes through the other end, gooey with sleep and laced with mild concern. Joel checks the time on his alarm clock - 2 a.m.
"Tommy, do I ask you for anything, ever?"
"Uh...no?"
Stupid, stupid, stupid, this is the stupidest thing you've ever fucking done -
"Can you watch Sarah for a few days?"
"Uh...why?"
"I'm goin' to California."
-
You took a call then you ran all day That clock goin' 110 I never said I'd get you back again Said "I ain't got time to make no mistakes" "Ain't got time to waste my brakes"
END.
in my hometown taglist -
@blkcali @erikelovesdin @luvrking @ barbellpedro @bellath @readz4u @casserole20 @sexygaypalpatine @poopeshites @amelie-712 @livinxdeadxgrl @honeymarvel @azurapphire @wroetospidey @freeobservationtale
@tieronecrush @illgowithufren @shehads-world @atremises @gabywho @detectivedaughter @wroetospidey @baddiesforcorpse @grippingbeskar @halseyhoodjpg @soph55 @pedritosdarling @obsessedwithjustaboutanything @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @pedgito @evyiionee @rogersbarnesxx @mo0nfleur @slut-4-multifandoms @stevie75 @b-y-3-n @joelscruff @sl-ut @tinygarbage @pedropascll
@denialismysanctuary @nightdreamss @notpetewentz @bigboiseason123 @witheldclouds @xxmr-potato-headxx @harryhubba @cyberfa1ryar1 @pedrosballsack @thevelvetrevivall @somesaltycorner @marysheperdith @midnightswithdearkatytspb @kaeferandplaza @life-in-the-city @cowgirl---bebop
@zhxw @averagedilfenjoyerr @pointlessandfutile @iso-la-ti-on
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@dcviated asked: 10 and 15!
Munday Writing Stuff - Accepting!
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Something that bothers you to read in RP specifically?
Two big ones would be muses with no discernible faults or weaknesses (the Mary Sue/Gary Stu sort of muse that should be appealing and attractive to everyone. I have chosen not to follow blogs for this very reason: decent writing quality, but too-perfect muses), and quiet/brooding/introspective muses whose threads don't leave much to interact with or respond to. Closely followed by replies that answer questions from your previous reply, but don't add anything else to the thread.
But a Danganron.pa-specific annoyance? DR muses whose talents never factor into their lives. Yes, they're written as being admitted to Hope's Peak Academy based on such-and-such talent, and then the muns...never show them engaging with that talent. Not even schoolwork.
As fun as high school stories can be, the whole point of Hope's Peak, at least in the Main Course, is to gather students who are incredibly skilled in specific talents while aiming to have them be wholly and completely defined by them, in order to obtain the brightest possible future. A secured career for life, money, fame, etc. That's a lot of pressure for a 16 to 18 year old! There's even canon characters who don't want to be defined by their specific talents, and some who want to pursue other interests but due to their status at Hope's Peak, they can't.
And I really wish more DR muns would explore those topics: how did their muse's talents end up shaping their muse? Did they peak in high school? Did they eventually go on to the success the school promised?
This is more of what bothers me not to read in RP, but I think it still qualifies.
How many times do you reread a reply?
I talked about how many times I read my own in another reply, but here I'll share how many times I reread someone else's starter to me/reply in a thread:
Around a dozen.
Especially if the reply is long and/or there's a Big Dramatic Moment going on.
This is mostly due to my own writing process which involves something like this:
get tagged in reply and/or starter
read said post
Immediately get a few dialogue options that I scribble down for later
think on it for a little while/overnight/while I do something else
sit down to write properly. Read through the post at least twice more.
Put the kettle on for pot of tea #1
Look at my earlier/immediate notes and either decide 'there's something here that might be okay' or 'well this is crap and I have no idea how to match my writing partner's quality and make them feel All The Things'
Decide I need to put on a playlist. Immediately get distracted by whatever random track Spotify thinks my Daily Mix needs.
"Well, I'll read this again and then do some google searches for thread ideas. For accuracy, you know."
This inevitably leads to a deep dive of: blogs, reddit, wikipedia, and/or YouTube
"Oh, this would be a great idea for another thread/a future thread! But wait, I was supposed to get inspo for -this- thread"
Goes back to read the reply a few more times
Right around here is when I try to write the first paragraph and yell about why I can't form words good. I'm an absolute imposter of a writer because why am I not turning around thousands of words per day.
Someone messages me on discord with something inevitably more appealing than trying to write this reply. I engage with it because that's a cute meme or great idea for muse shenanigans
Put on the kettle for pot of tea #2 while browsing the dash
Laugh at some dashcomm, send some memes, immediately forget where I was going with that thread reply
Read the reply once again while the tea steeps
...finally write and queue my reply to the reply, possibly while annoyed this took so long.
This is also why writing more than three replies or starters per day for me is a real achievement. Because each time, I go through this process. I'm sure there's a better way to focus and do things but I've yet to figure it out.
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leneemusing · 2 years
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IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING 
❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞
❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞
❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞
❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us...maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞
❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞
❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞
❝  have you ever had something...missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞
❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞
❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞
❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can...but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞
❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞
❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞
❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞
❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞
❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞
❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 
❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞
❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞
❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞
❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞
❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞
❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞
❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞
❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞
❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞
❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞
❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞
❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞
❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞
❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞
❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞
❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞
❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞
❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞
❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞
❝  i would do anything for you.  all my lines and rules.  they mean nothing when it comes to you.  it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy.  ❞
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queenrileyrose · 3 years
Text
We Belong Together Chapter 14: Just Grab My Hand and Don't Ever Drop It, My Love
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No part of my content may be stolen or repurposed and claimed as your own.
Series Premise: King Aiden of Cordonia becomes obsessed with a waitress in NYC. Determined to make her his queen, he concocts a plan to meet and bring her to Cordonia for the social season.
Some canon, but most of it is out the window. Leo abdicated, but is an advisor who lives at the palace. Constantine is already dead.
This is a dark series. Lots of very creepy behavior. Stalking, violence, character death.
Riley, Leo, Drake, Olivia, Bastien, Madeleine, Donnie, and Hana belong to Pixelberry. Lisette belongs to me. So does Aiden unfortunately, as does this story.
Catch up Here
Summary: Riley spends time with Bastien. Drake and Olivia help Leo. Aiden is removed from the dungeon. Lisette and Donnie talk to Riley. Olivia names Leo king and gets stuck.
A/N: I know zilch about transferring monarchy power, so if it seems too easy, oh well. Shout out to my uncle Roger again, for answering questions about poison and pretending to believe it was for grad school, even though my major is not science related at all. 
A/N 2: @bbrandy2002​ gave me the idea to rework the Gaston song from Beauty and the Beast to fit Bastien. So I did. 
Huge thanks to @burnsoslow​ for letting me borrow your girl. ❤️
TW: Aiden. Stalking, suggestive language, imprisonment, violence, drugging, angst, mention of abduction, reference to character death, 
Word Count: 4680
Music Inspo: I Know Places--Taylor Swift
Leo called out to the construction crew. “Are they human?”
One of the men looked up. “I’m no expert, but they look like it. There’s quite a few.” He looked back in and scampered backward. “Fucking shit!”
“What?” Leo called, knowing it wasn’t good.
The man wiped his brow. “One isn’t just bones. A body.”
“Call the police. I’ll send out some guards.” Leo yelled back. The man nodded and put a phone to his ear. 
“Bones?” Riley said, her mind recalling what Bastien said. She probably should have said something.
“Yes. And a body.” Leo ran his hands through his hair. “Shit.”
“Uh, Bastien said I was number 4.” Riley said nervously.
“4?” Leo whipped around. “Counting Madeleine and Hana.”
“No.”
“Fuck! So Lisette was the first probably, given how long ago it was. He just kept practicing.”
“I should have mentioned it sooner.” Riley twisted her hands. “But you came in like freaking Han Solo and threw me off.”
“Han Solo?” Leo bit back a grin.
“Yes. All ‘Hi, honey.’” Riley made her voice deeper. “It was very hot.” Riley felt a small wave of dizziness, but it passed.
Leo kissed her lightly on the lips. “We can revisit that later. We gotta go tell Drake and Liv.”
“Okay.” Riley shrugged and went back inside the room, locating her carry on. She pulled out a bra, slipped it on, and turned around to a bemused Leo. “What?”
“You put underwear in your carry on? I’m learning so much today.”
“Bras are not cheap, Leo. My clothes can be replaced, but the perfect bra I’ve spent time breaking in that cost over a hundred bucks? No.”
She pulled her sneakers on and piled her hair on top of her head in a bun, twisting an elastic around it. “Let’s go.” A wave of nausea hit her. She stood still until it passed.
Leo stared at her a moment, wearing his sweats, hair messy, and fresh-faced. She was so unlike everyone here, who wouldn’t be caught dead without being perfectly coiffed. Even Olivia. Maybe Cordonia needed her. Leo knew he did.
He never wanted her to leave. They’d talk about that later.
“Okay.” Leo took her hand in his and they went down to the dungeon.
——-
“Is it a brick?” Drake said tiredly.
“Nope!”
“What else is beigey and rough?” Drake tried to piece it together. “Oh, is it Aiden?”
“Ding ding!” Olivia smirked.
Aiden rolled his eyes. That wasn’t even a good insult. What was red and bitter all over? Olivia. What swam in denim and hated everything? Drake. Simpletons
The door opened and Riley and Leo appeared. Aiden cast a critical eye over Riley’s appearance. Not very queenly. They’d work on it when he was free.
He studied the dark blue sweatpants and white sleeveless top. Were those Leo’s clothes? Did they have no self-control? Or fashion sense?
Drake shot to his feet. “What’s up?”
“They just found bones on the east lawn,” Leo said. “A body decomposing, but still a body.”
Aiden felt a chill all over his body. Bastien was told to use the west lawn to dispose of the bodies. Had Aiden been laying flowers on no one? What a waste that was.
Bastien’s incompetence knew no bounds. Aiden wasn’t worried. The others really were stupid, he’d prepared for this. 
Riley felt an intense wave of nausea and dizziness. She held onto the wall for support.
Leo saw her move out of the corner of his eye. She was flushed. “Are you okay? Have you eaten today?”
“I had an orange and a little soda,” Riley said weakly. “I’m not hungry.” She blinked a few times, the shapes in front of her becoming fuzzy. 
Leo caught her as she lost consciousness. “Riley!”
Aiden remembered the lemon-lime drink now. Madeleine was supposed to drink that, it was her favorite. It was all Leo’s fault. Maybe a little bit Drake’s. They had made Aiden forget.
 Aiden rose. “She drank a beverage meant for Madeleine. Not very much. She should be fine.” See, he was helpful. This was Leo’s mess, but Aiden was cleaning it up. Per usual.
“My heart’s desire just needs some activated charcoal and the kit I ensured the infirmary kept on hand,” Aiden said in a concerned tone. Poison treatment was important. He never had to use the kits, but that’s why they were there.
Olivia was glad Riley was unconscious because that pet name would have made her throw up. Olivia was fighting the bile, wondering how she’d ever loved Aiden. Or thought she could bring him back. The more she studied him, the more she saw it was far too late. 
Leo shifted Riley into Drake’s arms gently. Drake supported her weight, heart racing as he held her limp frame. Olivia rushed to the bathroom and wet a cloth, placing it on Riley’s forehead. 
Leo charged at Aiden, grabbing him by the throat and holding him up against the wall. “What was in that drink?”
“Cyanide.” Aiden gasped. “Help her. I don’t want my precious cabbage to perish.”
Leo squeezed his throat harder for a few seconds, then let go of Aiden, letting him fall to the floor. He wanted to beat him. Riley needed him first. Aiden’s face would still be punchable later.
Drake transferred Riley back to Leo’s arms. Leo cradled her into his chest. “Do not eat or drink anything from the refrigerator or that’s been down here. God knows what else he’s spiked.”
Leo turned to Aiden. “If this goes any further south, I will string you up near the dogs and pour bacon grease all over you.” He rushed back up the stairs.
Olivia and Drake stared open-mouthed at each other. 
Finally, Olivia spoke. “You wanted Madeleine dead?”
“She was becoming possessive. It wasn’t a good color on her.” Aiden said dismissively. She wore green often, and that was not a good color on her either.
Drake and Olivia stared at him. 
“You better hope Brooks is okay,” Drake growled. “Leo won’t be your only worry.”
——-
Leo sat near Riley’s cot, his head bowed over the hand he clasped in both of his. She had such small hands. He didn’t know how much he could take.
Riley opened her eyes slowly. She rubbed her nose, the oxygen cannula scratching her. Her arm throbbed and she looked over. An IV.
Her other hand felt warm. She looked over and saw Leo’s head bowed.
“Leo.” Riley rasped before clearing her throat. “How long have I been out?”
Leo’s head shot up. His eyes were red, his face drawn. “An hour, honey. You drank a special cyanide cocktail Aiden meant for Madeleine.”
“I thought it tasted weird.” Riley coughed. “He wanted Madeleine dead?”
“He must have. A few more sips and-“ Leo couldn’t finish. “I thought we were past the hard shit. I can’t do this, Riley.”
Riley squeezed his hand. “You can. We are almost past the hard shit. You don’t need me to get stuff done.”
“I do.” Leo insisted. “You’re the reason I have any confidence back at all.”
“No, sunshine. That’s all you. You made a decision after you talked to Donnie. I saw you change. I’m glad I helped. But you have this.”
A smile ghosted Leo’s lips. “Sunshine?”
“Of course that’s the only part you heard.”
“No, I heard the rest.” Leo turned her hand over and kissed her palm. 
“So go. Talk to the police. Get that fucker thrown in prison. I’ll be here.” She saw Bastien. “Oh, put him closer to me. I owe that fuckface a song.”
Leo wheeled Bastien closer. The guard was fast asleep. “Okay. You’re going to be here for a bit. It’s a delicate process, getting the poison out.”
“Shouldn’t I be at the hospital?” Riley glanced around the infirmary. It was large, probably the size of a doctor’s office. 
Leo sighed. “Aiden has all the shit here. The doctor on staff is the best in 3 continents. If you want, I can take you to the hospital.”
“I’m okay here for now. Can you get my phone? My mom probably texted me.”
Leo pulled it out of his pocket. He’d gotten a maid to grab it out of her purse in his quarters. “Charger is here too.” He gestured to the tray. 
“Thank you.”
“I hate to do this, but-“
“You have to deal with bones,” Riley said quietly. She wished he could stay. “I’ll be all right. Don’t forget I’m here?”
“Never.” Leo kissed her gently, her lips then her forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”
Leo jostled Bastien until he woke up. He looked back at Riley. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Riley smiled at him.
Leo walked out, Bastien looking around blearily. 
“Lady Riley.” He said hoarsely. “Why are you here?”
“Drank the wrong thing.” Riley tapped her lip. “Now, it occurred to me that Gaston is very close to Bastien. So I worked with it a little.”
“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Bastien didn’t want a song. His head ached.
“I’m in bed.” Riley cleared her throat. “As promised.”
“Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Bastien.” Riley sang; loudly and off-key.
“Every day it does.” Riley’s voice was lower pitched, but the nurse near them covered her ears. Bastien squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for sleep.
“The most idiot guard in the bunch.”
“I haven’t met the others, I’m just spitballin’.” Riley smiled sweetly. She felt way better.
“There’s no way you can redeem yourself, Bastien.”
“Really, there isn’t.” Riley shook her head.
“Unless you let me knee you in the lumps.” 
“That won’t fix anything.” Riley sighed. “It would be fun though.”
“You work for the man that creeps me the most.”
“I seriously shoulda stayed home.” 
“You’re his favorite burying guy.”
“Just no comment needed.” Riley shuddered.
Riley stopped singing, very proud of herself. She looked at Bastien, mouth open and breathing heavily.
“Hey. Should he be asleep?” Riley asked the nurse. “I can sing and wake-“
“NO!” The nurse said louder than she meant. “I mean, he’s being monitored.”
—————
Leo came back down the stairs. 
Drake and Olivia were glaring at Aiden, their eyes fixed on his face. 
Drake turned at the footsteps. “How is she?”
Aiden stood. He wanted to hear. 
Leo made a decision. “She’s awake. She’s at the hospital, that’s why it took me so long.”
Aiden didn’t need to know she was in the infirmary. He’d tell Drake and Olivia later. 
Aiden exhaled loudly. “Oh thank heavens.” He looked at Leo. “Did she mention me?” Riley was probably angry with him. He’d explain. He hadn’t wanted her to be harmed. Just that harridan Madeleine. 
“No,” Leo said. He strode toward Aiden and unlocked his ankles. “Shoes on, freak show.”
Aiden carefully put his feet into his leather loafers. He wished he could switch them, but there wasn’t time. Leo wouldn’t let him either. “Where are we going?”
“Chief of police is waiting for you.”
Aiden gaped as Leo turned to Olivia. “You’re in charge Liv. Get to drafting.”
Aiden made sure his face stayed in a shocked expression. He was finally going to be free.
Olivia nodded quickly. “Can I outlaw one thing first?”
Leo gave her a curious look. “What are you banning?”
“The social season.”
Leo grinned widely. “Have at it.”
Aiden sputtered. “The public will never allow that! They enjoy the spectacle.” He’d reinstate it. 
“I’m sure Leo will come up with something else to occupy the public’s attention.” Olivia sneered and disappeared up the stairs.
Aiden shook his head sadly at Olivia. He was surrounded by wasted potential. 
Drake held one of Aiden’s arms, Leo taking the other.
“Let’s go.” Leo barked. 
———-
Leo felt a huge sense of relief, watching Aiden be placed into a police car.
The chief shook his hand and promised to be in touch. He was sending more policemen later to speak to Riley and Lisette. 
Donnie pulled up just as they left. He hopped out. “Was that the king?”
“Yep.” Leo smiled. “Queen Olivia is naming me shortly. You should still be here, get the first scoop.”
A woman closer to Leo’s age than Riley’s stepped out. Her short raven hair blew in the wind as she looked at the palace, her rich sepia skin bathed in the sunlight. The woman had a similar petite build like  Riley, she was nearly the same height. 
Lisette wore a pair of black ripped jeans and a burgundy sweater. Riley had almost the exact same outfit, Leo realized with a start. Lisette was more muscular, no doubt from the workout Donnie told Leo about on the phone. She was striking, her large dusky eyes expressive. 
Leo stepped closer, offering a hand. “You must be Lisette.”
She nodded and took it. “I haven’t been here in ten years.”
“How old were you when he-“ Leo gestured, unable to say the words.
“I had just turned 21,” Lisette said. She looked back at the palace. 
Drake stepped forward and nodded. “I’m Drake.”
Lisette nodded back, then turned to Leo. “Can I see it? I know it must seem like a terrible idea. I think it will help me.”
Leo gave her a kind smile. “Whatever you need, don’t hesitate to ask.”
If she needed to tour it or throw stones at it, Leo would tell her to go for it.
“Do you want someone to come with you?” Leo asked.
Lisette nodded. “Not a man. No offense.”
“None taken in the least. What about Olivia?”
Lisette nodded. “I had hoped for Riley, but Uncle Donnie told me what happened. Can I see her?”
Drake walked away to call Olivia.
Leo nodded. “Definitely. She’ll be talking to Donnie for a little bit, and the cops will be back later. But there is plenty of time.”
Lisette’s mouth set in a thin line. “We are the only ones who escaped. She understands me, I think.”
Olivia dashed out the door. She spoke to Leo first.
“King Leo.”
“That was fast. What about the season?”
“I may have had the season papers drafted years ago.”
Olivia admitted. “The transfer of the regent, a week or so.”
Drake slapped Leo on the back. “I’m not calling you king.”
Leo laughed. “You don’t have to.”
Olivia turned to a Lisette, taking her hand in hers. “Come. I will be here every step of the way.”
Lisette followed Olivia in.
Donnie addressed Leo. “Where is Riley?”
“Infirmary.” Leo said, glancing at Drake. “I didn’t want Aiden to know she was still here.”
Drake nodded. “Makes sense. Let’s go.”
——-
Just outside the infirmary, they heard a loud noise.
“It sounds like cats fighting.” Drake winced.
“No one sucks like Bastien
Gives no fucks like Bastien
He finally has a conscience because he’s concussed, oh Bastien.” 
Leo listened, a wide smile going across his face. “That’s Riley.”
Drake was suddenly very grateful Alyssa had a gorgeous singing voice. Maybe she could teach Riley.
Riley’s voice hit a horrible high pitch. Maybe not. 
A human man yes, yet so disappointing.
No one sucks quite like Bastien”
Riley stopped as Drake and Leo came into view, Donnie following behind.
“You seem better.” Leo smiled and kissed her hand gently.
“Yo, whatever is in that bag is magic.” Riley looked at Drake and Donnie. “What’s going on?”
“Aiden is in police custody,” Leo explained. “Lisette is here, looking at the dungeon.”
Riley gasped. “Poor girl.” She studied Leo. “Wait. Are you the king now?”
Leo nodded, unable to stop grinning.
Riley held her arms out and Leo sat next to her so she could hug him. “I’m so proud of you. You kicked ass.”
Leo chuckled and hugged her tighter. “Thank you. You really feel better?”
Riley nodded and leaned back. “My blood work is almost back to good already. There was just enough to make me sick. Not enough to kill me.”
She looked back at Drake and Donnie. “Sorry. I’m Riley. Remember me?”
Donnie smiled and nodded. “I do. You stood out for all the right reasons. You’ll make a good queen.”
Riley coughed. “Whoa. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” She gestured at Leo. “I have not known this guy for very long and we haven’t even had the are we together talk.”
Drake hid a smile, remembering he and Alyssa’s talk. It ended really well.
A blush crept up Leo’s neck. “Are we?”
Riley put her palm on his cheek. “I want to be.”
Leo kissed her softly. “Me too.”
Drake did hide his smile this time; while Donnie went over his notes. 
“That answers that. Do you want me to stay for the interview? Or do you want privacy?” Leo gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
Riley turned sad eyes on him. “I think it will be harder if you’re here. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.” Leo kissed her again. “I will be right outside, okay?”
“Okay.”
Leo got up and Donnie took his seat, pulling a recorder out.
Drake and Leo left.
——
Lisette was staring in horror at the dungeon.
“This is much different.” She walked around. “There was no electricity when I was here. No running water.” The memory of the dungeon had been seared into Lisette’s brain. She assumed it had remained unchanged.
Olivia stood with her arms crossed. “I guess he updated.”
Lisette ran her hands over the brick wall. “It seems smaller. Like he cut the room in half.”
Olivia looked around the room. “Why would he do that? Which part wasn’t here?”
Lisette motioned to the wall she was touching. “This wasn’t.” She pointed at the little holes all over the brick. “I don’t know what the holes are for.”
Olivia took a knife out of her pocket and put it in one of the holes. It didn’t make it far. “There’s something back there.” Olivia tried to fish it out, but it wasn’t working.
“Maybe the construction crew can sledgehammer this.” Olivia mused. She wondered what was back there.
——-
Aiden rubbed his wrists in the police car, the shackles removed. He’d always seen people do it in movies and wondered why. Now he knew. Handcuffs were hell on the wrists. 
“Chief Caine, I do appreciate the assistance.” Cozying up to the police and paying off their gambling debts had paid off. Just as he hoped it would, had he ever needed to cash in the favor.
Leo was an idiot. Aiden had built his connection to those that mattered for the last year. If his activities were discovered, he could have the police help him. The military was at his beck and call as well. 
Caine turned around slightly. “I can’t do much, there’s a lot of evidence. But this should give you time to run.”
Aiden huffed. Please. He was leaving the country briefly, but he would be back. With Riley on his arm and Leo removed. Aiden assumed he was in charge now. Leo could enjoy his few minutes.
“Have you my phone?” Aiden held out his hand. He had seen Leo give it to an officer.
The police chief handed it through the bars. Aiden pulled up an app and peered at the screen.
Why was Olivia stabbing the camera? Who was that beside her? Aiden squinted, realization dawning. Lisette. She’d grown into such a beautiful woman. His petite croquette. He narrowed his eyes. Where had she come from? Why was she there?
Aiden opened another app, triggering metal doors. They were almost to the abandoned barn Aiden had stashed a go-bag. He would need to double back.
——-
Olivia heard the rumble, the bricks began to shake. She didn’t know what it was, but they needed to move. 
Olivia pushed Lisette up the stairs and out the door. Before Olivia could dash through it, a door fell in front of her. She banged on it.
“Get Leo!”
Lisette could barely hear her, but she took off running to the infirmary.
Aiden reopened the camera app after he slipped on the leather jacket. No one was there. Blasted doors and their five-second delay. He really should have wired for sound. Then a figure came into view, one he recognized. 
Olivia.
———
Leo looked up as he heard footsteps running toward him. Lisette was out of breath.
“Olivia…..doors…..”
Leo sprang up. “Show me.”
He followed Lisette as she ran through the palace to the dungeon. A large metal door stood where the other one had before. When Olivia got out, Leo was having the place gutted.
“Liv!” Leo pushed on the doors with his shoulder. It was solid. Drake came up behind him. 
“How did this happen?” Drake asked Lisette.
“I don’t know. I was telling Olivia that the wall wasn’t there before, the one with all the holes. She was poking at it with her knife and this happened. Olivia pushed me out.”
“Maybe the poking triggered it.” Leo mused. He touched the door, putting pressure on it with his hands. “This is solid. We have to get her out.”
Drake stroked his chin. “I’ll go get the construction crew. They’re just hanging out; the police will be back to talk to them.”
“Good idea. They’re bound to have something.” Leo pulled his phone out and called Olivia. 
She picked up immediately. “I want out.”
“Drake is on it, just stay away from the door.”
“Fine. Is Lisette okay?”
“She’s good,” Leo replied. “She came running. I need to go back and check on Riley. Drake will be here soon.”
“Okay.” Olivia thought of something. “Wait. I'm going to scream and you need to see if you can hear me. I’ll mute my phone.” 
Olivia took a deep breath and screamed as loud and as long as she could. 
Leo heard the scream. It sounded muffled, like she was screaming through a lot of pillows. 
“Liv, I barely heard you. The place is soundproofed, the doors must let some sound come out.”
“Great.” Olivia huffed. “Just hurry.”
--------------------
Donnie handed Riley a tissue. She’d just told him about the “with child” talk and couldn’t stop the tears. 
“Riley, weren’t you afraid of Aiden retaliating when you started being difficult?”
“No. He would have killed me already if that’s what he wanted to do. I just wanted to keep Leo and Drake safe. I didn’t care if I died. I really didn’t think I’d ever leave that dungeon.” Riley sniffed.
“What do you think drew him to you?”
Riley smiled tensely. “Aiden has a knack for sensing vulnerabilities, I think. I was, I still am, in a vulnerable place.”
“He sounds methodical.”
“The funny thing, with how smart he is; he was so dumb when it came to me.”
“Can you elaborate?”
“If anything I told him had a kernel of truth, he believed me. Even if I was flat out lying.”
“Was that purposeful on your part, keep a bit of truth?”
“It was. It worked.”
Leo burst in before Donnie could ask another question.
“Olivia is stuck in the dungeon.”
Donnie shot up. “Lisette?”
“She’s fine. Olivia shoved her out.”
“That’s it.” Riley swung her legs out of bed. “I’m up.”
She tried to stand and almost went right back down. It was easy not to feel weak when you weren’t upright.
Leo caught her around the waist and helped her back into bed. “Easy.”
“I’m tired of feeling like I’m not in charge of my shit, Leo.” Riley blurted. “I was in a dungeon for almost two days and I couldn’t get out. Now I’m weak as shit, and I can’t help anyone.” 
“Hey, that’s not your fault.” Leo began.
“It is though.” Riley wiped at her eyes irritably. “I shouldn’t have gotten on the plane. I should have stayed in New York.” 
“I know, honey. I wish you stayed.”
“You do?” Riley blinked rapidly to clear her eyes.
“Rather than have Aiden near you? Hell yes.” Leo brushed a tear off her cheek. “But I'm glad I met you. Even if it’s all fucked up.”
“Are kings allowed to say fuck?”
“Guess so.”
Riley sighed. “I’m just tired and I want to help.”
“I might have an idea.” Leo disappeared and returned, Lisette in tow.
Riley looked over the woman. She resembled Riley, in her build. Her other features were very different. 
“Are you Lisette?” Riley asked quietly.
Lisette nodded. 
“You must be on edge here.” Riley motioned for her to sit. “I think you’re so brave. I don’t think I could do what you are. Coming back after all these years.”
“I was tired of running.” Lisette sat and scooted the chair near Riley. “I had to face it before it ate me alive.”
“I get that.” Riley nodded. She took Lisette’s hand. “I’m sorry no one figured it out before now. You must have been so scared.”
Riley looked pointedly at Bastien, still asleep. “You can kick him. He helped.”
“He helped!” Lisette looked at Bastien. She didn’t recognize him, but his face was pretty badly bruised. “Why is he next to you?”
“He’s handcuffed.” Riley gestured to the railing Bastien’s handcuff was attached to. “And he feels bad. 10 years too late.”
Lisette flicked Bastien on the forehead, right in the knot. The guard flinched and woke up. 
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Riley smiled at Bastien’s bemused face.
Lisette nodded. “It did.”
Leo motioned to Riley that he’d be outside and she nodded. Donnie followed, giving the women privacy.
“You saw that, didn’t you?” Donnie asked once they were outside the door.
“What?”
“How easily Riley connected to Lisette, how she focused on Lisette’s pain. She did the same with me during the interview. She talked about how I must have felt when Lisette told me.”
“That’s how Riley is.” Leo smiled. He remembered their first dinner and the talk on the beach. She’d done the same. She still did, but she was a little different about it. She reserved more of her empathy for him. She connected with him on a deeper level.
“That is how queens are.” Donnie gave him a hard look. “You better marry that woman.”
“I am. When we’re there. We aren’t yet.” Leo smiled again. “Did you get the interview finished?”
“I had a few more questions, but they aren’t vital,” Donnie said. “I emailed all of it to myself, the paper, and the other editor. It will be out tomorrow.”
Leo nodded. “Lisette’s will be in a few hours.” He checked his watch. How was it almost dinner time? He hadn’t eaten, he was sure no one else had. Olivia would be starving when she got out. Riley needed to eat something, too. 
“I’ll get the kitchen to whip something up.” Leo patted Donnie on the back. “How do you feel about hot dogs in mac and cheese with barbecue sauce?”
Donnie blinked. “That sounds good.”
———
The foreman scratched his head, looking at the door.
“We’ll try the sledge first.” He finally said.
Drake nodded. “What if that doesn’t work?”
“Jackhammer.” The fireman walked out of the palace quickly.
Drake texted Olivia. “Working on it. Will have you out ASAP.”
Olivia texted back. “Hurry.”
Olivia had stabbed everything she could find. She was hungry, but she couldn’t eat anything. She thought the oranges were probably safe, but she couldn’t risk it.
Olivia stood and paced. When she got out of here, she was eating a giant turkey leg. Then she’d beat Bastien with the bone. Or Aiden. Would they let her visit so she could hurt him? Probably not. Leo should have kept him in the other dungeon.
Olivia jumped at a low scraping noise. She looked around, trying to figure out where it came from. Maybe outside?
She heard it again. Behind her. Olivia turned as a wall opened like a door. 
Aiden stepped through the opening. He laughed at her shocked face.
“Oh, come now Olivia.” Aiden grinned. “Surely you didn’t think it would be that easy?”
 -----------------------------
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queenrileyrose · 4 years
Text
Human Contact Chapter 24: Anywhere, I Would've Followed You
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Summary: Follows the events of TRR, some elements of TRH. All characters belong to Pixelberry. Liam and Riley have been married 6 years. Liam had an emotional affair and shut down. 2 years later, Riley leaves. This is not canon Liam.
A/N: Another emotional one. Angst. This chapter was difficult to write. I may have cried.
Tags are in the notes.
Music Inspo: Say Something—A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
The sun streaming through the curtains woke Liam. Riley was leaving today.
He’d behaved awfully yesterday. All he wanted to do was take Riley in his arms and make her happy. Instead, he blamed her for his faults and made her feel small.
He swung his legs over to the edge of the bed and sat up. He put his head in his hands. He didn’t know if he could fix this. But he had to start trying harder.
He dialed Tracy. She had told him to call if he needed to talk. She was also getting the number of a colleague for him.
“Hello?”
“Yes, Ms. Waterson?”
“Speaking. What can I do for you?”
“It’s Liam. Rys. We had a session yesterday.” He couldn’t get rid of his nerves.
“Of course. How are you?”
“Not well. I told Riley she didn’t try hard enough to reach me. She’s going to New York for a few days. We spoke again last night, and she was very upset that I didn’t just tell her why I pushed her away.
“Why did you tell her she didn’t try?”
“I had just overheard her New York plans and I was angry. I felt betrayed.”
“I’m glad you allowed yourself to feel that emotion. Now you must work on managing them in a way that is not detrimental to you or anyone else.”
“I know.”
“I’ve given your information to a colleague. He should be calling you tomorrow. Until then, count to 10 before you say something, if you are experiencing strong emotions. Would you like to hear what I think?”
“Please.”
“I think you were raised to hide your feelings. So much has happened in your life. Beginning with your mother’s murder. The latest big event has you feeling all the emotions you’ve avoided. It’s going to be messy. But I believe you will get to a place where you can express your emotions in a healthy way. No more shutting down.”
Tears dripped down Liam’s cheeks. She was right. He’d never fully grieved his mother or father’s deaths. All the assassination attempts, Tariq. He’d resolved the problem, but not the feelings attached.
“Liam?”
“Yes. I apologize. I think you are right.”
“Good. I think you’ll make progress with my colleague. Take care.”
“You too.” Liam hung up the phone. He could do this for Riley. For himself.
——
Riley bit her nails as Leo pulled the Rover into a spot. She was ready to get to New York, but her anxiety was ramping up. She’d avoided Liam most of the day. He’d offered to let her take the jet and she’d refused. He ticket was already paid for.
She noticed Leo had stopped the car. “Oh, you don’t have to park. You can drop me off at the front.”
Leo removed the keys from the ignition and gave Riley an incredulous look. “I’m not an asshole.”
“Definitely not.” Riley unbuckled her seatbelt and hopped out. Leo was already heaving her bags out of the backseat. They were neon rainbow zebra patterned, that Riley insisted made them stand out and saved time at baggage claim. They burned his eyes. He was surprised at their weight.
“You’re only going to be gone 4 days.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“How many shoes did you pack?”
Riley thought, counting off on her fingers. “8 pairs.
“You’re wearing two pairs per day?”
“I need options!”
Leo shook his head. “Fair enough.”
Riley grabbed her carry on as Leo wheeled her suitcase through the entrance of LAX. Riley glanced around, figuring out where she needed to go. She started doing the square breathing Tracy taught her. Leo recognized it almost immediately.
“Let’s sit for a minute, okay?” Riley bobbed her head as he led her to a bench. “What’s going on?”
“My anxiety is making sure I know it’s there.” Riley let out a breath, continuing her breathing.
“Why now?” Leo knew Riley wasn't a nervous flier. Something else was up.
“I’m not sure. Maybe I’m afraid to get clarity. Because then I’ll be on a path. Leave or try again. I’m scared.”
“I’m not gonna pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I know you Riley Brooks. You don’t back down from a challenge.”
“I used to be fearless. Not so much lately.”
“You planned an elaborate exit, got away from Bas, came here and beat some demons, and gave Liam another chance. That’s pretty fearless to me.”
Leo wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You may get clarity, you may not. You decide your next move.”
Riley touched his hand. “Thank you. I know you’re right.”
Leo noticed she wasn’t doing the breathing technique anymore. “I’m always here for you babe. Always.”
“I don't know where I’d be without you.” She got to her feet. “I should go.”
“You’d be fine. Just bored.”
Riley giggled. “Accurate.”
Leo handed her the handle of her bag and stood. “Have a safe trip. Text when you land.” He enveloped her in a hug. Riley squeezed him back, his scent calming her. How many times had she breathed him in since she arrived? She felt tears fill her eyes.
Leo stepped back and kissed her forehead. He noticed her trying to blink away tears. “Are you okay?”
Riley nodded, wiping her eyes. “I don’t know what this is. Maybe I’ll just miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too. You need this trip. It’ll do you good. You can text or call me whenever you want to. Deal?”
“Deal.” She held him in a brief hug. She kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thanks for dropping me off.”
“Not a prob.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Riley tucked her hair behind her ear and walked toward security. She turned to see Leo watching her. She smiled and put a hand up, he did the same. Her heart ached. She wasn’t sure why.
Riley stepped off the plane a short 6 hours later. The humidity was horrible. Cordonia and California’s temperate weather spoiled her. She was grateful she’d worn a loose button down tank and linen shorts.
She hailed a cab after collecting her bag, giving the address of her old apartment. She was between subletters. The new tenant was supposed to move in yesterday, but she had convinced them to wait until she left. She should just sell it, but she couldn’t bring herself to.
The cab stopped, and she looked up. The brick building was the same. She walked the 6 flights, wondering how she’d done this multiple times a day for years. She’d moved in at 19 after her aunt died. There’d been enough money left to purchase the studio apartment. She’d left at 24 for Cordonia. Riley put her key in the lock, turning it and opening the door. The apartment felt foreign. She arranged to have the place mostly furnished before she got there. The new tenant could keep it.
Riley walked around, taking in the small television, ikea couch, and chrome dining table. She set her purse down and went to the bedroom. The new bed was there, with an unopened sheet set and duvet on top.
She smiled, thinking of how she’d flopped onto the old memory foam and re-lived her first night with Liam. That younger version of herself was so impulsive, naive.
She went to the bathroom and washed her hands, splashed her face and smoothed her hair. The plane trip had been smooth, she’d slept the whole time. Riley wanted to see her city again.
She went down the 6 flights again, heading to the old bar. Her feet knew the way before her mind did. The building came into view, looking slightly worse for wear. The open sign, illuminated. She pulled open the door and stepped in, the familiar smell of beer and peanuts wafting out.
A very familiar face came into view. “Daniel?! How are you here?” Riley walked toward him.
He grinned, that sideways smile of his. “I’m the boss man now! Riley! I can hardly believe it’s you!” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I knew the coma was fake. The Riley I knew couldn’t sleep for more than 5 hours.” They shared a quick embrace and cheek kiss.
He led her to the same booth Liam, Drake, and Max had occupied all those years ago. “This okay?”
She smiled. “Perfect. Sit! Tell me about you!”
Daniel slid in across from her. “Well, I’m married to Jason. We have a Pomeranian named Regina.”
“Wait, Regina? Like my mother in law?”
“Yes. I found her dog doppelgänger.” Daniel pulled out his phone and showed her a photo of a silvery white Pomeranian in a bedazzled collar. “She's a fancy bitch.” Tears streamed down Riley’s face as she laughed so hard she almost fell over in the booth.
“I still work here, duh, but I’m getting my MBA at night. Jason is an accountant. Lucky you filled in for me that night. He was the date.”
Riley’s smile was so wide she thought her face would crack. She was so happy for him. “That’s awesome! I’m so glad things worked out for you.”
“Let me grab you a drink? Same?”
Riley couldn’t remember what she drank back then. Guess she’d find out. “Sure.”
Daniel came back with two waters and a mojito for her, a scotch for him.
“I drank mojitos? I couldn’t remember. That’s so funny. My friend Drake says if I were a drink I’d be a mojito.”
Daniel chortled. “He’s right. Sweet and sour, with hidden depths.”
“Exactly what he said.”
“So Riley. You’re not in a coma. What’re you doing here? What’s been going on in your life?”
Riley told him an abbreviated version. His eyes were wide as saucers by the end.
“Who knew running off with a prince would be so bad? It’s never like that in the movies.”
“No, it is not.” Riley took a long gulp of her mojito.
“Seriously, I’m sorry. You’ve had a bad time.”
“I guess so. Now if I could figure out what to do…”
Daniel interrupted. “The Riley I knew wasn’t afraid of anything. She knew what she wanted and took it. If it got rough, she figured a way through. You know what to do Riley. You’re just scared.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do. You got soft being queen. You aren’t used to doing what you want without thinking about everyone else. That’s what you need to do. Take everyone else out of the picture. What do you want?”
“Fuck. You’re right.”
“There’s that mouth! I know I’m right. Forget Liam, forget everything. What is right for you?”
Riley took Daniel’s hand across the booth. “I knew coming here was a good decision. Thank you. I forgot who I was. You just helped me find a little of her.”
He looked around, seeing new customers. “I’d better get back to it. How long are you here?”
“4, well 3 is more accurate, days.”
“If you get a chance, come back. If not, I get it. Take care, okay?”
“I will.” She stood and hugged him. “It was so good to see you.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse, scribbling her number. “Text me or something.”
He nodded and took the paper. With one last wave, she left the bar.
She had work the rest of the day, and the next 2 days. She needed to see Lady Liberty. It could wait.
She hailed a cab, heading to the office building that housed her employer.
——
Liam’s phone rang. He looked at it hopefully, but it wasn’t who he wanted. He answered it.
“Duke Ramsford.”
“You majesty. Forgive the interrrupiton.”
“No apology necessary. What do you need to speak about?”
“Your, ahem, the Queen. She called and requested I email her papers.”
“What papers?”
“Dissolution of marriage papers.”
Liam stopped breathing. He didn’t notice until he tried to talk and a rush of air came out. “When?”
“Several days ago.”
“Did you send them?”
Bertrand paused. “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“I thought you should know sir.”
“Yes. I appreciate it. Goodbye Duke Ramsford.”
“Goodbye King Liam.”
Liam set down the phone, breathing heavily. He needed to talk to Riley. He glanced at the clock. It was late in New York. He had to wait, let her have a break. She’d be back tomorrow.
——
The days passed quickly. Riley was so swamped she barely had a moment to think. She met with new authors and filed manuscripts. She was at work before the sun rose and back at her apartment long after it had set.
She texted Leo any chance she got. They were short, but made her day. Liam texted her once to ask how she was. She’d replied that she was fine and hadn’t heard anything since.
Finally, the night before she left, she made her way to the Statue of Liberty. She felt tears prick her eyes as it came into view. That first night had changed everything. She remembered Liam’s smile, his shock at her doing something to lift his spirits. That she’d noticed they needed lifting at all. She should have seen through the facade. How had she missed it? Had he just gotten so good at lying? Or she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did.
That night had been the catalyst for everything. She’d made a split decision and left everything behind. For what? A social season where she was belittled, attacked, and thrown out of the palace? Why hadn’t she gone back home?
She turned away from Lady Liberty. Tears flowed down her cheeks. If she’d known how it would turn out, would she have said yes? She didn’t know. She turned back to the Statue as she began to fade into the distance. Riley would never come back here. She watched until her green figure was no longer visible.
Her heart broke, more tears fell. She sat down. She felt like she’d just seen the text all over again. Her chest was tight and she struggled to contain the sob forming in her throat. She stood as the boat met the dock, stepping off and handing the captain a large tip.
She made her way to Central Park. She walked up the bridge, listening to the quiet sounds of the city. The night of the UN party flashed through her mind. Liam had been afraid of Tariq being uncooperative or not finding him in time.
She’d told him she’d be with him, even if he married Madeleine. She told him she didn’t care what it looked like. She’d always put him first. She should have told him to dump Madeleine, propose to her and fuck what everyone else said. He was the King.
She tried not to think about the engagement tour. It had been awful. He’d decided she was safer if he played perfect couple with Madeleine. She’d become best friends with Drake because of that tour, so she took it as a win. Liam made a decision out of fear, and she’d allowed herself to be strung along until he was sure she was safe. The tour made her feel cheap, disposable. They snuck around, she would hate herself the next morning. She’d almost given up a few times, but convinced herself it would be worth it.
That proposal. The ring, barely off Madeleine’s finger. Weird how that hadn’t occurred to her back then. She’d known it was coming, but had still been so overwhelmed that she cried. It had actually happened. After all they’d been through.
A tear slipped down as she remembered her answer. “Yes. A thousand times yes.” Liam had twirled her around, laughing. They’d both been so happy. She thought her life would be happily ever after.
She wished she could hold onto that feeling of contentment, perfect happiness. Before reality punched her in the face.
He wasn’t that Liam. She wasn’t that Riley. She thought she might be again one day. She would be all right, no matter what she decided. She needed to stop being so scared to make a decision.
It hit her suddenly, so hard she almost stepped back. She hadn’t expected it. But, she knew. As she thought more, leaving the park, she realized she’d known for a while. It felt right.
She got back to her apartment, double checking her bags and making sure she didn’t forget anything. She put on an old t shirt and sweats, crawled into bed in her apartment one last time.
——
Riley stepped off the plane into a much less humid climate. She almost shivered, although she was dressed in a pair of ripped black jeans and a green blouse. She’d missed Los Angeles so much, she was surprised. She hadn’t been gone long.
Familiarity washed over her as she left the terminal, looking for her ride. She saw Liam and his BMW. She’d called him this morning and asked him to pick her up.
Liam watched her walk to him. He hugged her quickly, then busied himself putting her bags in the car.
“How was your flight?”
“Good. Uneventful.”
An awkward silence stretched.
“Let’s go get some coffee before we go to Leo’s. Is that okay?”
“Yes, that sounds fine. You probably need it.”
“Yes. I’m dying.”
Liam chuckled and walked around to the driver’s side. Riley tapped on the window.
“Door is locked.”
Liam quickly unlocked it. “Oh. Sorry.”
Riley slid into the passenger seat. Liam waited until she buckled her seat belt and pulled out.
Riley pulled her phone out of her purse and dialed Leo.
“Hey bud. I’m here.”
Leo’s voice boomed across the line. “Good! On your way home?”
“Coffee pit stop first.”
“Gotcha. See ya when you get here.”
“Can’t wait. Love you.”
“Love you.” Riley ended the call.
Liam glanced at her. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. How’s your week been?”
“I’ve been on the phone a lot. Cordonia issues. Some of the nobles got wind of my plans and I’m putting out fires.”
“That sounds like a blast.”
Liam chuckled. “Nothing but.”
Riley saw a small coffee stand. “Ooh, stop there please!”
Liam pulled off the road and parked. They approached the counter and ordered. Riley got a red eye, Liam got plain black coffee.
Riley led Liam to a small table on the side of the stand.
Liam spoke first. “How was New York?”
Riley grinned. “The same. I saw Daniel, we caught up. I went to the Statue of Liberty and Central Park. I worked a ton.”
“That sounds eventful.”
“It was.”
Another awkward silence. The barista called their names. Riley started to stand, Liam stopped her. “I’ll get it.”
He returned with the coffees, placed Riley’s in front of her, and sat. “Riley, I need to apologize. I was unkind and rude after my appointment. This is not your fault. You tried to get through to me.”
“Why did you get so defensive?”
“I’ve been pushing down feelings my whole life. My mother’s death, assassination attempts, everything that happened during the social season, my father, Anton. It’s starting to come up and I am learning how to manage that.”
“Wow. I’m impressed.”
“No need. I thought I had to be emotionless to be a good ruler. I didn’t. Feelings would have helped me. I only hurt myself and everyone around me.”
He caught her eye. “Especially you.”
“Thank you.”
“Tracy referred me to another therapist. A Dr. Humphrey. I’ve been to see him twice.”
“That’s really great.”
Riley knew she needed to say it. Liam may have agreed to therapy for her, but she couldn’t be the only reason. He needed to fix himself. She couldn’t do it for him.
“I was able to do a lot of thinking while I was gone.”
Liam swallowed a gulp of coffee. “Oh. I’m glad.”
“I was thinking about the Liam and Riley that went to the Statue of Liberty the first night they met. The ones that got engaged there.”
“You speak as though they are different people.”
“They are. I’m not that Riley. You aren’t that Liam. We’ve had a rough time. There are two ways to go when you’re hit with something awful. You can grow together. Or apart.”
Riley sipped her coffee. She could feel a headache coming on. “We grew apart. By the time I left, the distance between us made the Grand Canyon look small.”
“Is that why you called Bertrand?”
Riley stiffened. “Yes. He called you?”
“Yesterday.” Liam fiddled with a napkin.
“That little rat. I bet it was fucking Savannah. She’s still pissed that Bartie wasn’t named heir.” She rubbed her temples. “I didn’t mean for you to find out that way.”
“That’s it then?”
“Liam, if I hadn't left, we’d be the same. You not talking and me miserable.”
“I was working up the courage to tell you.”
Riley fixed her eyes on him, her expression softened slightly. “How long would that have taken? It had been 2 years already. We can’t deal in what ifs. I can only try to make the best decision based on what’s happened.”
“I am getting better. I’m dealing with what I should have years ago.”
Riley touched his hand. “I know. I’m glad. You need to do that for yourself. I can’t fix you.”
“I know that. It doesn’t stop me from loving you.”
“A part of me will always love you. It isn’t enough.”
“How I wish it were.” Liam turned his hand over to hold hers. “I know this is all my fault. You don’t have to gloss over it on my account.”
“Be that as it may, I can’t blame you forever. It’s not good for me. I know that I tried. There’s nothing else that can be done. I can’t put myself last anymore.”
Liam paled. “My love. I can’t say I’m surprised at your words. Or the pain I feel in this moment.”
“You’ll see it’s for the best. You’ll have a shot at a new life. No more weight of the world on you. You get to choose your own path.”
She gave his hand another squeeze and let go. “Leo told me once that they don’t write songs about the ones who have it easy. I told him I didn’t want to be a song.”
“What did he say to that?”
“No one wants to be a song.” She smiled softly.
“You’d rather be the entire album.”
Riley cocked her head to the side. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“It was meant as one. A song only tells part of the story. It’s insufficient. An album gives you all of it, the good, the bad. How it ends.”
“I like that.”
“I thought you might.” Liam took one last drink of his coffee. He wasn’t sure how he was still breathing.
95 notes · View notes
queenrileyrose · 4 years
Text
Human Contact Chapter 19: All the Things That I Used to Know Have Gone Out the Window
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Summary: Follows the events of TRR, with some elements of TRH. All characters belong to Pixelberry. Riley and Liam have been married 6 years.
Another angsty chapter, more heavy emotional stuff. This Liam is not canon Liam. 
Thank you all for the love, messages, comments, and reblogs of Human Contact. It means so much to me. 
Tags will be in the notes.
Music Inspo: When It’s Over-Sugar Ray
Liam woke up the next morning. He hadn’t slept well all night. He’d heard Leo and Riley talk a bit, then nothing. He knew he was wrong. He’d forgotten himself and texted Olivia like nothing happened, like they were friends. Then the garden debacle. He should have told Riley before. She’d have been angry, but nothing like last night. He’d had the audacity to tell her she was overreacting. He covered his face with his hands. He glanced at Leo’s clock. It was 6 am. He needed to get more sleep.
Riley woke up in Leo’s arms. She was sore, partially from the run, partially from letting her emotions take over. Her chest felt like an elephant had been sitting on it. “Ouch.” She whispered.
Leo’s eyes popped open. “You okay?”
“Yes. Sore. Sorry.”
“What time is it?”
Riley shrugged. Leo stretched an arm out and tapped at his phone on the coffee table.
“It’s 830. We should get up. How are you?”
“I don’t know. I just woke up.”
“Right.” Leo slid his arms from around Riley and pushed himself up. Riley sat up, rubbing her eyes.
“I’m going to take a quick shower. I feel gross.” Riley stood.
“Okay. Want toast or something?”
“Toast is good.”
Riley went to her room and shut the door. She stripped off her pajamas and walked to the bathroom. She turned on the water, waiting for it to warm up. She stepped into the shower, wetting her hair.
She was so tired of being blindsided. She’d believed everything Liam said. She knew he was obtuse sometimes, but he definitely knew all of this was not okay. Maybe it was on purpose. He didn’t have the balls to dump her, so he was getting her to do it.
Nah. Liam wasn’t that much of a coward. Was he? She scrubbed her scalp. How could he and Leo be so different? Leo had told Liam she was here, and apologized profusely hours later. She might never had known Leo spilled the beans, but he didn’t care. He’d just wanted to make it up to her.
She rinsed her hair and worked in conditioner. She grabbed her washcloth and poured some of her lemon verbena body wash on it. She scrubbed, trying to remove the memory of seeing that text, of picturing them in the garden. She rinsed her hair, squeezing out excess water.
She wrapped herself in a towel and brushed her teeth. She was hungry. She rubbed the towel over her body, then wrapped it around her hair and went to her closet. She pulled out a black tank and black ripped jeans. She grabbed her black leather jacket for later. She quickly dressed. She applied mascara and lined her eyes in kohl. Her lips were chapped. She found her lip mask and rubbed it in. That’d help. She pulled on a pair of red heels she loved. They usually boosted her mood. She needed all the help she could get. She pulled the towel off her head, and fluffed her hair. She’d let it dry naturally. 
Leo was in the kitchen eating leftover curry. Riley walked in, and wrinkled her nose. “You have an iron stomach.”
He lifted the fork. “I do. Your toast and oj is on the counter.”
“Thank you kind sir.” She took a bite. He’d slathered the butter on, just the way she liked it.
Drake appeared. “I’m coming with.”
“Morning to you too Drake.” Riley took a sip of orange juice.
“I’m serious. I feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you. Let me help.”
Riley softened. “I am going alone.”
Drake crossed his arms over his chest. “No.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m texting Leo when I get there and leave. I am fine.” She said the last word firmly, hoping it would convince Drake, as well as herself.
Drake relented. “You aren’t fine. But I’ll stay here.”
Riley paused. “Is he up yet?”
“I haven’t heard him.” Leo said. “Is Max up?”
“Not sure. I’ll check. Send him up to Liam while Brooks is gone?”
Leo nodded. “Sounds good.” Drake left the kitchen.
Riley finished her toast. “Leo. I’m not doing great. I feel horrible. I just want that out there.”
Leo rubbed her back. “Thanks for the heads up. You sure I can’t come with?”
Riley shook her head. “I’ll be alright.” She needed to do this by herself.
“Just worry about breathing and talking to Tracy. Okay?”
Riley nodded. Drake came back in, followed by Max.
“Blossom. Are you okay? Drake gave me the highlights.”
“I don't know. You okay to hang out with Liam?”
Maxwell nodded. “Yeah. Drake says he’s probably a mess. I’ll make him eat and try to talk sense into him.”
Riley nodded. “You’re a good friend. I have to go. Love you.”
“I love you too Blossom.” Riley touched his cheek and left. Drake looked out the window, eyes widening when he saw Leo’s beloved Rover.
“You really do love her.” He turned to look at Leo; who did not look happy. “Maxwell told me about your conversation at the store.”
Leo exhaled sharply. “Figured he might.”
“I won’t say anything. Wouldn’t want to be accused of emotional fluffing.”
“Everyone tells you everything. Sorry man. I didn’t know you were so close and it threw me.”
Drake nodded. “For the record, I’m not in love with her. I never have been. She’s my best friend, and not my type.”
Leo nodded. “Well I know that now. She said as much.”
“Maxwell said you’re never going to tell her.”
“You see her. Does she need me unloading on top of everything? Plus there’s the whole married to my brother thing.”
Drake shook his head. “I don’t know. You’re constantly hanging out, usually touching. You sleep together more often than not. She loves you.”
“She’s going through some serious shit. It would be unfair. I might, when she’s in a good place. If she dumps my brother. Sounds gross when I say it like that.”
“Half brother?”
“Nope. Worse.”
Maxwell trudged up the stairs. He didn’t know what to expect. He knocked on the door. He heard a muffled “yes?” He opened it.
Liam was up, sitting in one of Leo’s chairs. His eyes were bloodshot.
“Hey buddy. How long have you been up?”
Liam glanced at the clock. “Not long. Are the others up?”
Maxwell fidgeted. “Blossom had an appointment. Drake and Leo are in the kitchen.”
Liam nodded. “Okay. I’m going to stay at a hotel, I made a reservation. It’s a block away.”
Maxwell’s eyes bugged. “Why?”
“I don’t want to make Riley worse by being here.”
Maxwell had enough. “Your presence isn’t hurting her! Your actions are! You texted Olivia and didn’t tell her. Then she plugs in your phone and Olivia’s trying to slide into your DM’s. Oh, and I heard about the garden. I’ve taken Bartie to play there. Disgusting. You keep messing with her head.”
Liam stared at Maxwell. He’d never heard him talk that way to anyone.
“You either want to make things right or you don’t. Figure it out! You are hurting her with your indecision and lies! I don’t understand you.”
“I didn’t…”
“I’m not finished. This is all hypothetical. This is IF she gives you yet another chance. Which frankly, I don’t think she should. Blossom is a much better person than I am, but I’m pretty sure she’s at her limit. I hope Olivia’s ice claw was worth it. Here's what you are doing: cancel your hotel. Move into the guest room with me or Drake. Yes, you’ll share a bed. Get over it. Now get dressed and come downstairs and eat breakfast.”
Drake heard Liam’s voice. He felt the anger rise in him. He’d seen Riley this morning. She looked sad and angry and determined all at once. He was tired of his friend hurting her. He was going to talk to him.
He climbed the stairs. “Maxwell, Leo needs to tell you something.”
Maxwell’s mouth formed an o. “Really? I’m coming Leo!” He raced out.
Drake turned to Liam. “You fucking asshole.”
“Drake. It’s-“
“No. Shut up. This is your final screwup. Understand?”
“I’m not-“
“I have seen Brooks become a shell of her former self over the past 2 years. I watched her get drunk and sob. I watched her keep it together so she wouldn’t make you look bad.”
Drake walked closer to Liam. “She was doing better. Leo helped her, in a way you wouldn’t. If I were here when Leo convinced her to invite you, I would have tried like hell to change her mind. She never should have asked you. The second you knew where she was, you should have dropped everything and gone to her.”
“I couldn’t just-“
“Maxwell and I did. Even hungover as hell, Brooks was doing better. Her throwing up was more alive than I’ve seen her in a long time. She was Brooks again.”
“Drake.”
“SHUT UP.”
Liam closed his mouth.
“Last night. I have never seen her like that. She looked like everything inside of her had been scraped out. I watched Leo hold her and sing to her.”
Liam’s eyebrows raised. Leo sang?
“She told him she’d be dead without him. You know, she’s right. Leo picked her up when she needed it. I couldn’t, she was too busy making sure I wasn’t worried about her. You just didn’t give a fuck. You need to own that she would probably be dead, if she hadn’t come here. Really think about that.”
Liam’s eyes filled. Drake saw.
“Good. I hope that text to Olivia was worth it. Riley said you blocked her number?”
“I did. She called me after she saw Riley. It was a new number. I still have the old one blocked.”
“She just came here to get a read on the situation. That fucking snake. She must have decided your text meant you wanted to start up again.”
“I suppose so.”
“You stay out of Brooks’ way. You do not hurt her again. Ever.”
Drake left, trying to get a hold of himself. He should have done more these past 2 years. He wasn’t really there when she needed him. He looked down the stairs at Leo. At least someone had been.
Riley pulled into Tracy’s office. She texted Leo quickly to tell him she was there. She gave herself a few moments to breathe. “Okay. Let’s get this over with.” She opened the door and stepped out.
Riley went through the doors, checked in and began to pace. Tracy came out almost immediately.
“Riley, let’s go in.” Riley nodded and followed her.
Riley took a seat on the couch. Tracy sat across from her.
“How are you this morning?”
“I feel numb.”
“Let’s get it all on the table. Walk me through it.”
Riley went over the whole night. Finding the text, confronting Liam, and Leo comforting her. By the end, she was shaking and sobbing.
Tracy handed her a box of tissues. “I’m going to say something and I need you to listen carefully, okay?”
Riley nodded, wiping her eyes. “Liam’s treatment of you is inexcusable. I’ll admit I was optimistic when we had the session.” She paused. “Yesterday.”
“Trust is the most important thing here. The 2 years of silence is bad enough. He didn’t tell you the entire story. You had started to rebuild the trust. A tiny amount, but it was there. This blew that up.”
Tracy rubbed the spot between her eyebrows. “He needs to examine the behavior and ensure he doesn’t do it again. He has not, if he texted the woman involved. That's the hard part. He has to accept responsibility.”
“Now. You told him it was over?”
“I did.”
“Do you mean it?”
“I did when I said it.”
“Riley, you’re scared and angry. You have every right to be. If he left tomorrow, would you be okay with his decision?”
“No. There is still so much we need to talk about and sort through.”
“Do you want my opinion?”
“Please.”
“I think you are done. I think you need closure. I’ve been talking to you for over a month now. You have always talked about him as if he were in the past.”
Riley burst into tears again. “I have?”
“Yes. It’s okay to be sad about not being with him. You loved him very much. It’s also okay to say that his actions are not okay. It’s perfectly fine not to know where you stand right now. Give yourself more credit. This is not a failure in your part.”
Riley nodded, trying to process this.
“Do you think he would come in again with you?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Try. Even if you are unable to save your marriage, you deserve that closure.” Tracy patted her arm. “I’m not concerned about him. I am concerned about you. You’ve been through a serious trauma. Liam visiting dredged a lot of that up. Then there’s another huge betrayal. It’s a lot for anyone.”
Tracy smiled. “You’re doing extraordinarily well, Riley. You may not feel it, but you are. Let’s plan on day after tomorrow for an appointment. Same time?”
Riley nodded.
You take care of yourself. Call me if you need anything at all.”
“Thank you again.”
Tracy stood up and walked her out. Riley left the building and sat in Leo’s car. She tried to process everything Tracy said. They needed to talk more. As much as the thought made her stomach hurt.
She texted Leo. “On my way home.”
His reply was quick. “See you soon. 
She put the car in gear. She’d take the long way home.
——
Liam had finally come down to eat.
Drake was outside messing with the grill. Maxwell was watching corgi videos. Leo was glaring at Liam.
“Please. Sit.” Leo motioned to the table.
Liam sat. “Is everyone getting a turn this morning?”
Leo furrowed his brow. “Sounds like a question Olivia could answer.”
Liam reddened.
“I know I laid into you the night you got here. Right now, it’s story time. I’m going to tell you a story.”
Liam did not enjoy the queasy feeling that slammed his stomach.
“Let’s talk Olivia. Since you’re so entranced by her. Olivia showed up one day. I was asleep. Riley let her in. I offered to back her up. She didn’t need it. Riley handled that frigid bitch with so much class, the Queen of England wanted lessons in it. I did not, but it was worth it. If I recall correctly, I called her Catherine the Great and commented on an ass video she sent you.”
Liam put his face in his hands.
Leo kept talking. “Riles and I went on a run after. Do you know what she said? That Olivia wasn’t so different from her. The woman you fucked around with behind her back showed up, and she found common ground with her. She didn’t tear her down or call her names like normal people would.”
“That’s when I knew for sure I was in love with her.” Leo thought.
“And what do you do? Text her again. Breaking Riley once wasn’t enough. You fucker. If Riles asks, I will boot your ass. She won’t ask though. That’s another thing I said, about why she and Olivia are different. Riley has the biggest goddamn heart.”
Liam lifted his guess. “Leo. I didn’t mean to.”
“You never do. You just act however you feel, everyone else be damned. Now. If you pull any more shit on Riles, I will murder you. And not in a nice way.”
Leo turned to leave. “Oh fuck it.” He turned back around and punched Liam. Just once, his fist connecting with his jaw. Liam slumped back, grabbing his face.
Leo left, running into Drake. Leo’s hand hurt. Drake looked at him warily. “What happened?”
“I punched him.”
“How’d it feel?”
“Fucking great. I need more though. What’s a good way to get Liam upset without talking to him?”
Drake thought for a minute, then snapped his fingers. “Play Lemonade. Brooks did it a lot, and he had no idea what it was about. He just got tired of hearing it.” He laughed. “This one time, she deleted all his music off his phone and just had Lemonade in there. He was so confused.”
“How is Liam not aware of Beyoncé? How did he not figure it out from the lyrics?”
Drake shrugged. “Liam’s head lives in his ass a lot more than it used to.”
“Clearly.” Leo grabbed his phone and synced it to the television. He figured those speakers would be loudest. The first track of Lemonade shook the house.
Liam had an ice pack on his jaw and was attempting to eat a blueberry muffin. Maxwell was keeping an eye on him for some reason. He heard loud music. After a few lyrics, he recognized it and groaned. “Not again.”
Maxwell hid a grin. “This is Beyoncé. This album is all about her husband cheating. Blossom had it on repeat for a reason.” He glared at Liam and walked out of the kitchen. He high fived Drake and Leo, who were on the couch.
Riley walked into the house. She’d cried the whole way home. The music was so loud the keys on the hook were shaking. She paused, listening. Why was Leo listening to Lemonade?
She saw Drake, Leo, and Maxwell on the couch. Leo was singing along to Freedom. Maxwell was dancing.
“Why is it so loud?” She yelled.
“The better to hear Beyoncé rage!” shouted Leo.
Drake had no expression on his face. He hated this music, but if it annoyed Liam, he was good.
“Can you turn it down? I can’t hear myself think.” Riley put a hand to her forehead. Leo hit a button. Silence.
Drake stood and walked to her. “You okay? How’d it go?”
“Um.” Nope, she wasn’t crying again. “I’m better. It went good.”
Drake stood and embraced her. “It’s okay Brooks. You can cry. I won’t tell.”
She laughed. “I might later. I cried all morning.” She stepped back. “Thank you. My marshmallow.”
She looked around. “Where’s Liam?”
Maxwell pointed to the kitchen. “Eating breakfast.”
“Wow. He slept late.” Drake and Leo exchanged a look. Riley caught it.
“What happened? Tell me now.”
Drake scratched his neck and glanced at Leo.
“Fine.” Leo mumbled. “Drake and I talked to Liam. Then I punched him.”
“You WHAT?”
“I couldn’t help it! I was telling him about how badass you were when Olivia was here and I got too mad. I'm not sorry.”
“Leo Rys. If anyone is punching Liam, it is me. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Riley sat next to him on the couch and clasped her arms around him. “I love you.” Leo chuckled and kissed her cheek.
“Now. I need to go talk to Liam. You all, do not interrupt. Got it?”
They nodded. Riley walked to the kitchen. Liam was at the table, holding ice to his jaw. He saw her and stood.
“You can sit. How’s the jaw?”
“Bruised.”
Riley didn’t care. “Liam. I need you to tell me everything that happened between you and Olivia. I’ve seen the texts. Are there any I don’t know about? What about the garden? Just start from the beginning and tell me all of it.”
Liam took a deep breath. “Olivia complimented me on a new law. I responded, she flirted and I flirted back. She sent a lot of suggestive photos. I didn’t send any. We never talked about you. The only text you didn’t know about was the one I sent to Olivia yesterday. I assume she texted back, but I didn’t see it. It was about the incident in the garden obviously.”
Riley nodded. “What about that? Where was I?”
Liam thought for a moment. “It was the night of Francesco’s visit. 2 ½ years ago. I was wandering the garden, thinking. Olivia showed up. She said something about rumors I liked it outdoors, and I said “wouldn’t you like to know?” I was joking and being inappropriate, but she took it as a challenge. You know the rest.”
Riley fought to keep control. “So while I was talking to Francesco and entertaining the other diplomats, you were outside with Olivia? I remember thinking it was odd. You never left events like that before, not without me at least.”
“I know. I was in the midst of that affair with Olivia. I was so confused. I didn’t know where to turn. I honestly think I left my phone on the counter that day so you would find out. She’d been texting me more and more, and I was drowning. I was too much of a coward to tell you. I didn’t know how to refuse her. I should have.”
Riley rubbed her temples. She suddenly had a headache. “I don’t know what to do with that right now. Oh, you need a new phone.”
“Why?”
“It hit a wall.”
“Oh. I have another in my bag.”
“Do you always carry a spare?”
“Yes. Just in case.”
“Tracy wants you to come to therapy with me again.”
Liam nodded. “I can do that.” He opened his mouth and closed it.
“What?”
“Didn’t you say it was over?”
“Yes.”
“Is it?”
“Tracy seems to think I need closure in order to move on.”
“What do you think?”
Riley shrugged. “I know Tracy is right about closure. I can just go from there.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Awesome. I’m glad you experience emotions.”
Liam started. This was new.
Riley stood. She walked out without another word.
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